#ive had some other anons asking about donations and such

[savage-rhi]

been trying to conjure the words for a while, but as someone who’s got family who’s also going through some really tough shit involving mental health work, i just wanna say i’m so sorry you lost your job—but you won’t ever have to work with these people again, at least!

definitely look into legal routes, don’t be afraid to ask for support, and don’t give up. and be sure to rest and recuperate, etc. ableism is insidious as fuck, but you can rise above the lows it throws your way!

(hopefully that all was worded somewhat gracefully. i just am so sorry you’re experiencing this shit, man. but you’ll make it out alive! ❤️)

You don't have to worry about wording things gracefully hon. I know you mean well and didn't see anything here that was warranted as an offense.

Thank you for the condolences. This is one thing I'm hanging onto, that I don't have to work with these people ever again.

I will do everything within my skillset and empathy to never dehumanize or treat anybody the way I was treated as a mental health provider. I'd like to think I do a good job of that already, creating a brave space for people, and this experience nailed it in that I won't allow myself to stoop to this level of being insidious as fuck to a human being.

I don't know the full context of what your family member is going through, but hearing that, I hope they get through the ordeal especially if they are dealing with folks who do not have their best interests in mind.

Thank you again for the condolences and for checking in 💙🫂

[shartingan]

apologies if this is kinda out of left field but what is your current opinion on ao3? me personally i do like to read and write fic on it due to the tagging system and other aspects but the amount of whack shit makes me uncomfortable and I do wish you could report harmful content easily (I think you can now but it's a bit of a process)

sorry this took so long to answer! i had to finish graduating college 😔 i tend not to think about ao3 too much or too in depth, and i don't really get involved in the discourse on this site about it. please take everything i say with a grain of salt because im uninformed and not really looking to involve myself more in this discourse! but i will gladly answer this ask with the information i do have because i think youre starting an interesting conversation and i like to talk ( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧! feel free to hmu i dms, anon.

under read more because i started to ramble a bit. tldr please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

personally i agree with all that youve said about ao3 in your ask already. i wont get on a soapbox and moralize about fanfiction and stuff like that because, again, i really dont care, but also i think it is really neat to have these spaces where people can safely interact with IPs in a transformative way and share their works with others without the threat of legal action. that's not ao3s doing, but it does provide a hub for people to publish without ever running into the treat of legal action. and, like you said, the tagging system makes it really easy to sort through fics and find what you like vs. dislike.

my main problems with ao3 come from its mismanagement, and the fact that it really has no competitors. ive been on ao3 since 2015, and i think the only significant change i can remember in the 9 years ive used it was the fact that they added the ability to filter out tags along with filtering in some. that's literally it. there could definitely have been some significant behind the scenes additions im unaware of, but from a users point of view, there has only been 1 update in 9 years that has majorly impacted the way i use the site. that seems like extreme mismanagement to me, especially since ao3 manages to meet and then significantly past all of their donation goals that they run pretty frequently. it seems like ao3 is making a lot of money which isn't being put into improving the site in any significant way. ao3 has been a site since 2008, its making a lot of money, and has a huge base of donors and volunteers, but it's still in beta? that seems like major mismanagement to me. again, this is just me speaking as a layperson not involved in the site itself.

also, it's pretty much become the only site that you can read fanfic on. there are sparse communities on tumblr, ff.net, and wattpad, but they're definitely a lot smaller and spread out. ao3 is the biggest and most centralized place for posting and reading fanfiction on the internet, meaning it virtually has no competition, and there's no alternatives that offer the same scale or quality. despite all that, it has almost no internal user moderation, and ao3 has actively been resistant to implementing those kinds of changes. that has resulted primarily in users of color getting targeted and attacked by racists. harassment is easy on ao3, and people can easily abuse the tagging system to do whatever they like. there's not even a perma-block tag feature, which is the first thing i would've implemented with the filter out feature. like you said, anon, if they're even implementing these changes, they're implementing them slowly, and behind a convoluted multi-step process. there's still little to no internal moderation or blocking system, which is just incredibly irresponsible.

ao3 almost has a monopoly on fanfiction on the internet, which means that it can kind of just do whatever, and no matter the gripes it knows people will keep coming back if they want fanfic because there's no alternative. and people keep chucking money at it because, again, its a hub for people to post and read fanfic without ever running into the threat of legal action because the website provides a safe, transformative works shield for authors. it's just insane how mismanaged the site is, but people keep giving it money despite that, so there's no real incentive for OTW to change anything or put in any effort. HOW IS IT STILL IN BETA. ITS BEEN 16 YEARS AND THEY'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. MINECRAFT CLASSIC WAS LAUNCHED IN 2009 AND THEY MOVED THROUGH BETA TO ALPHA TO A FULL LAUNCH AND THEN HUNDREDS OF UPDATES IN THE SAME TIME FRAME AND WITH A SMALLER TEAM AND FUNDS, INITIALLY😭😭😭 that's just insane to me, there's definitely something weird behind the scenes, how can they be this bad at site management, it's gotta be deliberate or something.

anyway, please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

[kerabinberries]

kers on tumblr? kers on tumblr

Our Ker: @getstoneddrinkwetcement (based on a vintage pin ive seen floating around here)

ton of cool vontage punk and queer stuff. anarchy posting. black and white photos of angry girls in heavy makeup. music blogger whos blog is full of spotify links (she has the hacked app) and photos of artists. a lot of jokes but not like looky or the admiral, more sardonic and jaded humor. big in the cripplepunk and madpunk communities. posts a lot of her thoughts and they dont read as very coherent at first just because of the foul informal rude and slightly jumbled way she talks but if you dig into it she really has solid opinions. shes just sooo bad at expressing them. then again some of them go completely off the rails stupid. so many vintage pins like the one she got her url from and motorcycles and weapons. she WILL give you instructions for a pipe bomb but only over dms. this ones kinda short but she knows what shes like and its reblogging the above items.

Looky: @lookywhatthecatdraggedin

she has soooo many mutuals and if you follow her your dash will be COVERED in her talking to them via asks and dms that get screenshotted and @ing eachither and reblog chains and art trades and so on and so forth. she plays up the social in social media to the extreme. her blog is almost all jokes, cool art, and stuff like educational or donation posts. she likes furries and has a ton of furry mutuals and really fun sparkledog type sonas. most of the images and art she reblogs is BRIGHTLY COLORED but she hasan eyestrain warnjng in her blog title for accessibility. she posts tons of art, and has a bunch of sideblogs. shes got a furry sideblog and is comstantly churning out really cool and cutesy digital art and occasionally a traditional doodle or two. mutuals with her actual real life dad and uncle. sends her brothers annoying anonymous asks. occasionally gets into discourse but in the most uninvolved annoying way possible, mostly to back up friends or people getting dogpiled. posts wild shit that happens to her family all the time and only occasionally exaggerates. she posts a lot of videos from when she was a little kid that would have gotten her taken away by cps if they had gotten out sooner. absolutely irresponsible tomfoolery thats only funny in retrospect because it didnt kill her.

The Admiral: @admiralawesom/e

she would absolutely post a lot of marine aesthetic stuff, just for jokesies, although she would love to have a motorboat she would not be posting navy blue stuff and anchors and tallships if she wasnt joking about her name. lots of nature photography especkally of the pacific northwest. lots of animals, lots of educational posts about nature, and so so so so sooooo many stupid fucking memes and joke posts. she makes a ton of posts and while shes no funnyman occasionally she makes just the right mix of unhinged words and just the right person sees it and she ends up with a 50k note joke post. she has a lot of mutuals and loves to message them and send them asks and tag them in stuff. frequently lies, shes singlehandedly keeping tall tales alive. she loves urban legends as well and for some reason creepypasta (you wouldnt think it.) the kind of girl to post half her medical history in her blog description. has a caard or carrd or whatever and it looks terrible. ironically? genuinely? impossible to know and she wont tell you. travels a lot and posts insane vacation photos with obi wan. she always refers to him as dad but he occasionally audibly refers to himself as her uncle in videos she posts. this causes confusion and gets her a barrage of anons. she answers one with "we argue about it all the time" and that was the end of it. everyone probably thought she was joking but its true. they have a longstanding argument on whether hes a dad or an uncle. neither of them have made any headway with the other.

Shmii: @sliveredsilve/r

she wouldn't really Get tumblr, but if someone were to set her up an account with some blogs already followed she could easily get the reblogging part. navigating tech is second nature, but social stuff? finding things online? i just dont think she would do it. she probably likes more hands on activities. a modern shmii would be obsessed with a motorcycle her dad got her when she was little. the ones they make for kids but with the speed inhibitor taken off, obviously. she would always be buying parts and tools to upgrade it (well) and painting it new colors (poorly). she would defjnitely post pictures of it all the time, but they wouldnt be very good pictures. she'd probably post more than reblogging, using it like an actual blog. she'd be really into big metal sculptures and welding, she'd collect knives, especially throwing knives and hunting knives, and she'd post videos of caring for them and pictures of her new ones. she posts pictures of her puppy (her mouse droid would be a puppy in a normal earth au) all the time and pictures of her family, and childish art she did on paper with crayons or on whatever free art program cane with her computer (said fondly, childrens art is good)

Baby: @bab/y (guess how she ended up with a url like that)

she would totally be like, 2000s pink aesthetic with lots of makeup and outfits and accessories and piercings and shit. like @pinkflipphone if i reblogged less tech and more fashion, and it was a liiiiittle trashier lol. she'd have one of the top blogs and would constantly sic her followers on people who annoy her or have opinions she doesnt like. stochastic terrorist. posts her own fashion as well. she always has tailored outfits, but theyre a little more douchey and a little less bimbo than the fashion she posts. like if a really terrible man from jersey shore dresses exactly the same except the shirts swapped out for a pink cheetah print crop top type corset. yes she wears snapbacks. she has intentionally rancid takes and will die on any hill, she'll die in a valley if she likes. yes some of her followers will doxx and stalk you irl about these hills and/or valleys. queen of the new age cyberbullies.

[redwinephannie]

hey, please consider deleting your reblog of that cat donation post about Pirate the cat. it's fake and a scam.

the account (@ hinderswives) was created 1 day ago and you can find those cat images on a reverse google search. did you get an ask from the op asking you nicely to check out the pinned post (and not to publically answer the ask)? I did, and it's the second almost identical one ive gotten in the last few months, also by an account that only existed for one day before posting the help request (who had never interacted with my blog before, either).... basically, this is 100% a scam.

They ask you to reblog their post *but not answer their ask* so that anyone who follows you thinks that you know this person is legitimate (which is exactly the opposite of the real situation). They ask you to use 'friends and family' on PayPal so you can't get your money back if you figure out it's a scam (always be suspicious of people who do this!)

i found your reblog by going through the notes on the scam post. i'm going to send this ask to other people who reblogged it, too. (in anon mode so that the scam op can't block me, which happened last time before i could get the warning out, rip).

please don't let your followers be tricked into wasting their money! there are plenty of real people and real cats that could use their help out there, if they want to be generous.

thanks.

Thanks for informing me! I knew some of these were scams 😭

[meltwonu]

18. “You’re in trouble now.”

25. “What did you just say?”

41. “You make a sound and its game over.”

notes; camboy!jeonghan, camboy!au, dom!jeonghan, masturbation, dirty talk, name-calling, degradation, sex toys! Welcome to the new cycle of drabbles where we explore camboy/camgirl tendencies with svt heheh~ 🥴💕 hope it was worth the wait~ and if you don’t think it was, i’m sorry dkfsdkh LOL 😩 when that anon asked for a hint and I had said that ya’ll had seen some of it, this is what I meant 😏 heheheheh~ I can’t wait for the future chaps in this drabble cycle, Ive had some IDEAS 😈 As always, thank you for requesting! Enjoy! 💕

Jeonghan is a little too good at his job.

“Oh? How wet are you just watching me sit here with my hand around my cock?”

He’s sly smiles, gentle chuckles, and eyes that barely glance at the camera - yet it’s enough for you to squirm from your place on your bed as you watch him from your laptop screen with your headphones keeping all his filthy words to yourself.  

‘I wanna cum so bad, ‘Hannie…’ 

He reads off your comment as he scoffs; lithe fingertips running up and down the shaft of his cock as precum leaks from the tip.

“If you cum, I’ll block you~”

‘What did you just say? You can’t be serious...’

Jeonghan laughs, throwing his head back against his computer chair as the comments and donations flood the side of the screen.

And for a second, you feel a pang of fear and turn off the vibrator still nestled between your legs before you cum too soon.

“Aww, but I am. Only bad ‘lil sluts cum without my permission. But we all know that’s just what you are, aren’t you? This is your fifth account I’ve blocked, isn’t it?” He smirks at the camera and you feel yourself freeze up -  almost as if he could actually see you from the other side of the screen.

‘Fuck…’

He reads off a few more comments - most of them being about you and your relationship with the male through his cam shows.

“Mm, she’s always acting up… Cumming without my permission.” He licks his lips - hips thrusting up into his enclosed fist as he lets out a drawn out moan. “And I can always tell too… She stops commenting ‘cause she’s too busy making herself cum thinkin’ about my cock fuckin’ her tight ‘lil cunt… Isn’t that right, slut?”

‘Shut up…’

“Why? You know it’s true~ And I can always tell it’s you too~ You’re not very good at hiding yourself, sweetheart~”

The condescending drawl in Jeonghan’s voice has you whimpering as you turn the toy back on - legs clamping shut as you keep it pressed to your clit with one hand.

‘You;’re so mwean…’

“See? Already sending typos… Are you close to cumming already? Filthy ‘lil slut cums so easily once I start getting a little mean~ Mm, and I haven’t even gotten close to wanting to cum either…” Jeonghan tightens his grip on his cock; eyes fluttering shut as his head lolls against the headrest of his chair.

“Fuck, I’m imagining fucking your tight ‘lil cunt… You underneath me, squirming and whining while I fuck you into the bedsheets…”

‘More…’

“I bet you’re so loud too, aren’t you? You’re probably a whiny ‘lil brat that wants to be put in her place all the fuckin’ time~ It’s why you like acting out so much, isn’t it? You want me to put you in your place, cock slamming into your cute body while you cry and beg me for more.”

Jeonghan feels his cock throbbing in his hold; biting his bottom lip as he loosens his grip and slows down the flicks of his wrist to stave off his orgasm.

On the flipside, you set your vibrator to it’s mid-setting as you let out a choked whimper - trying to keep your noises down so as to not alert your roommate on the other side of your bedroom wall.

“Just imagining my cock fucking your wet ‘n tight cunt is making me wanna cum,” He chuckles, “Fuck, I bet you want me to cum inside your pussy, don’t you? Cumming inside you so much it’s spilling out of your spent hole like the good ‘lil cumslut you are~”

‘Jeonghan…’

He picks up his pace; wrist flicking quicker as you start to grind against the vibrator.

A soft groan falls from his lips before he leans slightly forward - letting a glob of spit drop from his lips to the head of his cock as he smears it down his thick shaft.

“You’re just gonna have to watch me cum all over my hand instead, huh? Such a waste, right, everyone~?”

There’s a slurry of comments, most of them from others begging for him to give them creampies and a fair amount of donations with words of adoration attached.

But Jeonghan pays all of them no mind in the moment - too focused on giving himself the pleasure as he thrusts up into his slicked fist.

“God, ‘m gonna cum…” Muttering, his eyes momentarily peer at the comments, only to find you’ve gone completely silent - just as he expected.

Your thighs are shaking - bottom lip threatening to bleed with how hard you’re biting into it as you cum hard from Jeonghan’s breathy moans right in your ear.

‘Dirty ‘lil slut… Fuck, your cunt feels so fuckin’ good cumming around my cock…’

A choked whine falls from your lips as he continues to let out filthy words of praise; helping you ride out your pleasure as your walls flutter around emptiness.

But you get too caught up in the pleasure as your toes curl against the bedsheets and your thighs clamp shut from the overstimulation that teeters between pain and pleasure when your finger slips and sets the vibrator from mid-setting to high.

“F-fuck!” You whisper harshly; falling back against the sheets as your legs spread on their own.

‘You’re in trouble now~’

Jeonghan’s teasing voice floats through your headphones and there’s not a second of warning before the audio goes completely silent.

You give it a second before you turn off the toy and sit up - brows furrowed as you peer at the blank screen.

‘You are blocked from viewing Angel_Hannie’s stream.’

“Damn it!”

There’s a pout on your lips as you quietly put your vibrator away - eyes blinking at the static desktop photo of your laptop as you sigh.

You’d have to make another account for Friday’s stream… Again.

And honestly, you were running out of emails to use.

There’s a slight chuckle on your lips as you run your fingers through your hair before you decide to get up and get cleaned up, but the doorknob to your bedroom rattles harshly as you turn your head; legs drawn up to your chest as you open your mouth to speak.

“Hey, wait---”

The door flings open quicker than you anticipate - a slightly flustered Jeonghan clenching his jaw before he kicks the door shut and storms over to your bed.

“On your hands and knees.”

“Wh--”

He eases onto your bed quickly; sticky fingers pinning your wrists to the bed as you squirm.

“We do this every time, sweetheart. I tell you to not cum in the middle of my stream and what do you do? Hmm? Your cunt that desperate to cum, you can’t even wait 45 minutes?” The mocking tone in his voice has you whimpering - waves of arousal pouring down your body in an instant.

“C--can’t help it…”

He pouts mockingly at you, “I know. Your needy ‘lil cunt just can’t fuckin’ not cum, huh? How many more of your accounts will I need to block, hmm? Or next time should I just have you sit on my cock during a stream? Teach you a little bit of patience.”

Jeonghan leans down, nosing at your neck as you shiver.

“Always such a fuckin’ brat. I could hear your tiny ‘lil whimpers from my room.”

“S-sorry…”

He smirks against your skin, kissing it gently before he pulls away.

“Oh, you’re gonna be. You make a sound and it’s game over. Understood? You wouldn’t want to get another noise complaint from the neighbors, would you?”

You can only gulp in return; shaky pupils meeting Jeonghan’s own scheming eyes as his grip on your wrists tighten.

“N-no, s-sir…”

[nyctophilin]

Fake affection | I

sweet anon: Can I request a dom! Han Jisung smut? Where he and the reader are fake dating because Jisung want's to make someone jealous but ends up fucking the reader instead? I love your writings so much!!

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

All rights reserved © nyctophilin 2020. Re-posting, copying and translating any of my works is prohibited.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 4.5k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, eventual Smut

Warnings: swearing, mention of masturbation

A/N: Wow, so it looks like I am unable of making short fics, haha. I planed for this to be a one-shot but it’s already this long and I don’t want to bore you guys with long fics so I will make a second part and a third if needed but I doubt. I really hope you guys like this one. Feedback is very much appreciated.

      Y/N was tapping her finger on the desk, her head resting in her palm. She was watching the professor walk around in front of the class explaining something but she wasn’t paying attention. Her mind was filled with thoughts about whether or not she was going to get the role. 

      Some people from her university that were majoring in Film Production had to write a script for a short movie and the best five got chosen to be produced. Initially, she believed that only Theater and Film Majors could participate at the auditions but the administration of the school made an announcement one morning informing them that everyone could take part in the audition process. That meant she had to deal with more competitors for the role she wanted.

      Initially, Y/N was the only one who wanted to audition for the main role of one of the movies since people didn’t really catch its concept that well. When the audition day finally came, one Modern Dance major showed up out of nowhere and auditioned as well. The apparition of that particular character made her blood boil with anger.

      Her competitor for the role was none other than Mina, her so-called enemy. They weren’t enemies in the real sense of the word. They just simply didn’t click with one another and silently agreed a long time ago to ignore each other. They weren’t pulling childish stunts on each other, they didn’t speak each other's names unless necessary, they didn’t try to win each other in grades or parties or body counts. They were just mutually ignoring one another. And everything was fine until she showed up there.

      Y/N wasn’t going to lie and say that Mina wasn’t good. Her performance wasn’t exceptional but for someone that has never done that before, she was fairly good. That had her worried about her chances of getting chosen.

      When the bell finally rang ending her suffering she got up in the split of a second and left the room. She could not bear to hear any more of the professor’s babbling. Her boots let out quiet thuds every time they touched the concrete floors. She found herself in front of the announcement board but the paper that was supposed to tell her if she got chosen or not, was missing. Thinking to herself that they probably will put it up later she turned on her heels and made her way towards the cafeteria.

      She met her friend Hayoon there and they sat down at a table situated in the centre of the cafeteria. They talked about how they had been up until then and Hayoon complained about one of her classes and how she’s going to fail it.

      The chatter in the cafeteria died down when the door was slammed open and Mina stomped in, a bitter expression on her face. “I can not believe that they made me a stunt double! What does that even mean?” Her voice was louder than it should have been as she addressed her friends. Her intention was most probably to attract attention.

      A smirk crept on Y/N’s face as she realised that she did, in fact, get the main role. She gave her friend a suggestive eyebrow raise as she slowly took the chopstick to her mouth. Her face dropped when she heard the stomping approaching her. “Hey, loser, what’s a stunt double?” Mina’s voice was scratching her ears. How she managed to sound like one of those toys for dogs sometimes, she’ll never understand.

      “I can’t believe you’ve auditioned for a role without knowing what a stunt double is.” Y/N rolled her eyes at the other girl and a few people from around them chuckled. Mina’s face caught a crimson colour as the embarrassment settled in.

      “Haha, you are so funny!” It was clear by now that the girl was trying to mask her flustered form by trying to embarrass Y/N back.

      The truth was that she didn’t mean to make fun of her. She just let her first thoughts leave her mouth. “I wasn’t trying to be funny.” A sigh left her lips. “A stunt double is a person that executes all the dangerous or action scenes for the main actor so they don’t get injured. Stunt doubles are usually gymnasts, people that know martial arts and all that jazz. They probably chose you because of your dance background.”

      “I can’t believe it. Not only they didn’t give me the role, but they are also going to use me to protect you?” Mina had an annoyed expression.

      “Oh please! Did you really think they were going to choose you? You entered that room without even knowing the concept and somehow managed to get the feel right a couple of times. Meanwhile, some of us actually prepared for that audition.” Y/N was fed up with Mina’s princess behaviour. Always thinking that everything is rightfully hers and expecting everyone to kiss her ass. All that just because her father was donating a big sum of money to the university every term. They are donations at the end of the day and she should not be expecting special treatment just for that.

      Mina’s face became a crimson red for the second time in ten minutes and she stomped away from Y/N’s table. The few people that were watching them averted their eyes when Y/N took a look around.

      From the corner of the cafeteria, someone was watching them with a smirk on their face. Oh, how he got just the perfect idea.

            Y/N sat in the second closest row to the professor. She was in “Canto class” as she liked to call it. It was one of the optional classes she chose to take that year. It wasn’t a compulsory class for Theater and Film majors since you don’t necessarily have to know how to sing to be an actress but she took it anyway because she thought it would be fun. And so far it was.

      A loud bang invaded her left ear and she turned to find Han Jisung having his back to her and chatting with his friends that were seated a few rows behind them. She raised her eyebrow but didn’t question it. It wasn’t like the seat was occupied and she definitely had nothing against him sitting next to her. He probably just wanted to pay more attention since he and his friends are always distracted during class. 

      Y/N turned back to her stuff and opened her notebook to take another look at the notes from last class. Soon after the professor entered the classroom and the chatter died down. 

      She was vigorously writing in her notebook everything the professor was explaining to them. Suddenly she felt a touch on her left elbow and stopped for a second. She immediately resumed her writing, convinced that he probably did that by mistake. Not even a minute later she felt another touch on her elbow this time more evident. She ignored it again not paying much mind to it. Jisung’s elbow collided with hers causing her to push her notebook and scribble on it.

      She snapped her head towards him and felt anger overcome her when she noticed the smirk on his face. “What?” She whispers yelled in his direction.

      “Hi!” He did a short wave of his hand in her direction and she clenched her jaw. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply before going back to her note-taking. She had only five minutes of peace before he poked her side again. She smacked his hand away from her and continued to mind her own business.

      Throughout the class, Jisung kept bothering her and trying to talk to her despite her obvious wish to let her take notes. When the bell rang she got up quickly, her blood boiling and left the room in a hurry hoping she could lose Jisung on the busy halls. As she was hurriedly making her way between the sea of people she felt an arm going over her shoulders and she crashed with the owner of the arm.

      “Why are you in such a hurry babe?” Jisung’s voice rang in her ear as they were practically glued to each other. She grabbed his hand and swung his arm away from her shoulders.

      “For the love of God, what do you want from me Han Jisung?” Exasperation was present in her voice as she threw him an ugly look.

      She couldn’t guess what he needed from her to annoy her to that extent. They were acquaintances and nothing more. They knew each other from that one class they shared and the longest interaction they had was when the professor prepared an interactive class once and they had to work in groups of five.

      He was the university’s “heartthrob” as people liked to call him. Y/N personally thought that that title should be given to Hwang Hyunjin who was majoring in Modern Dance. He was more mature than the rest of his friends, he was friendly with everyone and wasn’t pulling pranks on innocent people to entertain some brainless creatures. But who was she to oppose the masses?

      On top of doing all those things, Jisung was also in a relationship with Mina. Every time they are together they will target someone and will start making fun of them. More Mina than Jisung but he was still entertaining her actions and that made him as guilty as she was.

      “I need to ask you something. Or better, make you a proposal.” He winked at her and she felt an uncomfortable shiver run through her. How disgusting.

      “Ok, and what is it?” She threw him an expectant look and he started looking around.

      “Let’s talk outside where there are fewer people. You got a free period, right?” Confusion made its way on her face.

      “How do you know that? Are you weirdo following me?” She has never talked with him as friends and they share only one class. How on earth would he know her schedule?

      “What? No! I see you hanging out around the university all the time after our class.” She rolled her eyes at his answer and gestured her hand towards the closest exit out of the building signalling him to lead the way.

      Very soon they were seated on a bench under a tree somewhere behind the university. It was her first time coming there. Y/N usually liked to remain at the front of the building since couples usually liked to come there and make out sometimes even fuck.

      “I think we should start dating.” He blurted out and she froze for a second before jumping to her feet startling the man.

      “I knew you were fucking weird. I’m leaving!” What in the actual fuck did she think when she came here. For a second she expected a real conversation but Jisung’s main skills were flirting and making bad jokes. She set her expectations way too high for that conversation.

      She picked her bag from the bench and started leaving only to have Jisung grab her wrist and stop her. “Wait, let me explain. I swear you’ll understand better after.” Y/n wanted to turn and leave but the puppy dog eyes he gave her made her stay and listen to him. Now, don’t get her wrong, his expression didn’t soften her but if he was desperate enough to try the puppy eyes on her then it must be important to him.

      She plopped down on the bench and waited for him to start talking. “Look, I’m pretty sure you know Mina. And I know you two aren’t on great terms. I say we date so you can get back at her for all the things she has done to you.” He raised his eyebrows at her and pursed his lips.

      Y/N was the one that raised her eyebrow next as she leaned her head to the side. “Aren’t you and Mina dating?” 

      “Obviously not.” Jisung used a tone that pissed Y/N off. A tone that said ‘It was so obvious, how can you not know?’ and she didn’t like it one bit.

      “Oh, I’m so sorry! I must have read the signs the wrong way. I mean, it's not like you are always together and you carry her backpack around and you hang out outside of school six days out of seven and kiss before classes and make out behind the university probably right on this bench.”

      A smirk appeared on Jisung’s face. “Who’s following who now?”

      “Don’t flatter yourself. Mina’s voice is so annoying I could hear her every time she talked. When I would turn to see what was up now you two were most times engaged in some sort of PDA.” She spoke fast trying to prove that she wasn’t following him. She didn’t know why she felt the need to do that but the thought of Jisung thinking that she has some sort of interest in him was terrifying. He completely humiliated the last “unpopular” girl that confessed her feelings to him and at that moment the last thing she needed was for him to go around saying she is a stalker.

      “Well, we are getting there. I asked her out and she said that she’ll love to but it’s too fun to tease me. When I asked her ‘What if I get a girlfriend?’ she told me I can not find anyone better for me than her. When I saw you fighting in the cafeteria earlier I knew I found my perfect girl. Not only are you hot, but she also hates you.” Y/N raised an eyebrow at his words.

      “Hot?” Her tone was untrusting as this was the first time someone from uni had said that to her. 

      “Yeah. You didn’t think that guys came to last year’s theatre spectacles because they were actually interested in theatre, right?” A laugh left his mouth at her dumbfounded face as she registered his words. A blank expression adorned her face immediately after trying not to seem so surprised.

      “Well, not anymore.” She let her tongue trace her bottom lip before biting the flesh. “Ok, so tell me what you actually want us to do.” Uneasiness settled inside Jisung as he watched her bored face.

      “Well, I mean what I said. We should date. Or fake dating if you will. That way I can make Mina jealous and push her to run into my arms. I bet she can’t stand seeing me with you for too long.” He looked into her eyes hopefully thinking that maybe he convinced her but his hope was quickly shattered when she opened her mouth.

      “What are you? Five? I don’t want to get back at her and I have absolutely no reason to help you in your sick plan. I’m out of here!” Once again she picked up her bag to leave only for Jisung to grab her wrist and stop her, again.

      “Please Y/N! I’m desperate. I’ve been trying to date her for a year and a half already.” That was pathetic. She had absolutely no reason to help him. None at all. But something pushed her to stay and accept his offer. Maybe she could take advantage of the situation.

      Turning her head towards her she tried to keep a straight face as best as she could. “What do I get out of it?”

      Jisung’s face brightened instantly at her question and he held her hand with both of his. “Anything you want. If it’s possible I’ll do it.” His eyes were pouring into hers and a stupid sparkle was present in them.

      “I guess you were going to do that anyway but I want you to present me to your friends.” The same bored expression that she had on for almost the entirety of their conversation was adorning her face. Jisung was amazed at the lack of emotions she managed to show but she was an actress. Maybe she’s just good at her job.

      “Why? Do you have a crush on any of them?” A smirk was enveloping his facial features and he had a teasing tone. Y/N rolled her eyes at his comment.

      “No. Some of them seem like really interesting people but their only defect was hanging out with you. Now that I have to hang out with you too I might as well start talking to them.” She shook his hands off hers before putting it in her front pocket. “Now I have to go to class cause my free period is almost over. See you later, babe!” She winked at him before turning around and making her way to her next class.

      The next day she met with Jisung in front of the cafeteria so they could walk in together and “announce” their relationship. Somehow he got hold of her number and they texted the night prior about the terms of their little deal. She felt like laughing when she saw how serious he was about it. If he really did end up dating Mina she’ll be convinced that both of them are idiots.

      His arm was over her shoulders as they walked through the tables. Multiple people were staring at them but she decided to ignore them. Upon reaching the table she placed her tray down and took a seat. The people at the table were looking confused at one another and some were throwing Jisung questioning looks.

      “Everyone, meet my girlfriend.” He spoke gesturing with a hand towards her. She smiled at them and waved her hand, muttering a soft ‘Hi!’.

      One of them, who she recognised to be Lee Minho, a Modern Dance major cleared his throat. “Hey. It’s nice to meet you.” He had an awkward smile on. “What are you majoring in?”

      “Yeah, I don’t recall seeing you around campus.” Seo Changbin, a Music Production major added.

      “Oh, I…” She started talking but a puff coming from her left stopped her.

      “Seriously dude? You share a class. She’s L/N Y/N from your Theory and Improvisation class.” The voice belonged to Hwang Hyunjin and she felt a funny feeling in her stomach at the realisation that he knows her. Everyone around the table was throwing him weird looks.

      “You are right but how do you know that? I’m pretty sure you don’t take that class.” There was a trace of embarrassment in her voice.

      “I don’t but sometimes when I wait for those guys outside of the classroom I see you walking out.” He said that with nonchalance taking a bite from his food.

      “And how do you know her? She’s not a Music Production major otherwise we would have known. And she’s not a Dance major either otherwise Minho and Felix would have known about her as well.”Changbin’s tone was almost provoking as if Hyunjin had done something bad and he was about to reveal it.

      “She’s a Theatre and Film major. Last year when we went to all those theatre spectacles to support Jeongin I was actually paying attention to the plays. She had either the main role or the lead. I remember her being really good.” She felt her cheeks heat at his comment.

      “Thank you!” She threw him a smile. However, she got ignored as Lee Felix started talking.

      “Do you know her Jeongin?” She somehow felt offended by his question. Maybe that wasn’t his intention but he should have used a different tone.

      “Of course I do. We share almost all of our classes and last year we worked on multiple plays together.” Annoyance was present in his voice caused by his friends' ignorance.

      She knew Jeongin from the first day. He was the first to speak to her although they didn’t exactly become friends. They kept on working on plays together throughout the entirety of the first year of college but they kept everything mostly professional since they both had their own group of friends and she kind of disliked most of his friends.

      “Then how come you never talk about her?” Now, wasn’t Changbin an annoying one? She rolled her eyes discreetly at his question.

      “Because we are not the best of friends. Why don’t you talk about Kim Gina from your degree?” The youngest question was a good one. They were acquaintances and barely knew something about each other. What was he supposed to talk about?

      “Gina is not hot. What am I supposed to talk about?” The older male said calmly with a shrug of his shoulders.

      The water she was just drinking got stuck in her throat and she started coughing violently. Jisung started hitting her back repeatedly trying to help her swallow. When she finally calmed down she looked at him annoyed.

      “Who she is, is not important. What’s important is that she is my girlfriend” he gave Changbin a side look ”and you have to accept that. Stop talking about her like she is not sitting right in front of you.” A few of them raised their hands in defeat while some of them averted their eyes. Minho and Changbin rolled their eyes.

      She felt her blood pressure spike up at their action. She remembered why she never wanted to talk to any of them. Arrogant pricks.

      “Ok, Mister protective boyfriend. Just tell us when you break up.” Minho took a bite of his food done with the younger man’s antics. Everyone knew that he was in love with Mina. The moment she shows some interest in him he would probably leave this one in a heartbeat.

      Y/N sucked in a breath discreetly. He really got her worked up and she hated it. She put an arm around Jisungs shoulders and yanked him towards her, his face close to her chest. With her other hand, she grabbed the sides of his face making him look up at her and forcefully pursing his lips. 

      “Break up? Do you wanna break up with me, babe?” Y/N’s voice was mocking as if she was talking with a child. Jisung swallowed hard before shaking his head. She smiled at his response and used the hand from around his shoulders to ruffle his hair. “That’s what I thought.” She placed a short kiss on his lips before releasing him and turning back to her food.

      Everyone at the table was looking at both of them shocked, especially Minho and Changbin. She wanted to let a proud smile escape her but she controlled herself.

      For the rest of the lunch, she decided not to engage in any more discussions with Jisung’s friends. She continued eating her food and listened to them talking about things that didn’t involve her, occasionally responding to Hayoon’s texts.

      She was the first one to get up, impatient to go to her next class and not have to see them. “Bye guys. It was lovely meeting you!” She smiled at them, a smile half true because she did like some of them. “Bye babe. See you later!” She grabbed the sides of his face again placing another kiss on his lips before taking her empty tray and leaving them alone.

      The men all watched her as she made her way out of the cafeteria. When she closed the door behind her they all burst into laughter. Jisung was biting the inside of his cheek irked by their action. When the laughter stopped, Seungmin that was sitting next to him put his hand on his shoulder.

      “I absolutely adore your girlfriend. She knows how to keep her ‘babe’ in check I see.” Seungmin tried cupping his face as Y/N did but Jisung slapped his hand away.

      “Are you her good boy, Jisungie? Does she give you rewards if you listen to her?” Minho cooed at him and Jisung held back an insult.

      “Shut the fuck up. It’s not like that. She surprised me as well. Who the fuck knew she was going to do that?” When he proposed the whole fake dating thing to her he thought it would be easier. Looking at it now he can’t understand why he thought that. He saw the way her fights with Mina unfold and he knew she was an actress which meant that she was probably either crazy confident or really good at faking it. For some reason, he thought she would be easier to tease and control but it would be a lie if he said it didn’t intrigue him. He liked a challenge and if the prize was Mina he would try his best.

      “And you man” Chan spoke for the first time “what the fuck was that? Do you know her entire biography?” He was looking at Hyunjin who rolled his eyes.

      “I told you I paid attention to last year’s plays. On top of that, she’s hot. I remember that after one spectacle I and the guys from my dance group at the time talked about her for like a month. She was so..” The man let out a groan and threw his head back trying to explain what he meant.

      “Sure, tell me more. Did you masturbate to the thought of my girlfriend? Perhaps got any wet dreams about her?” Jisung commented, raising an eyebrow.

      Hyunjin winked at him as a smirk made its way on his face. Some of the guys simultaneously let out disgusted sounds at his gesture.

      “But how did this whole thing happen? I can’t remember a moment when you talked about her or when you were together.” Felix’s deep voice rang making everyone pay attention to him.

      Changbin suddenly let a gasp out and dramatically covered his mouth. “Yesterday our little Jisungie sat next to her in Theory and Improvisation and when the class ended he ran after her. I think he might have had a secret crush!” The older man teased.

      “Yeah, but she looked really annoyed with him. Hence why she sprinted out of the class. Why would she accept to date him if she looked like she’d rather listen to Mr Jung talk about the first piano ever invented.” Chan intervened making Jisung shrug his shoulders.

      “She was annoyed with me but what can I say? I’m so charming she couldn’t refuse me.” He leaned back in his chair putting his arms over the back of the chair. 

      “I think she did it out of pity. When she realized you’ve been trying to get Mina for a year and a half now she probably felt so bad for you she decided to sacrifice herself so you look less like a loser.” Hyunjin said his tone way to serious to be a joke.

      Jisung threw the man a deadly stare. “At least I didn’t masturbate to the thought of her like a fucking virgin.” He spat in the other man’s face.

      “Touche.”

[creacherkeeper]

AAAAA SAME ANON AND I LOVE UR THOUGHTS ON THIS AU SO MUCH!!!! hskdhdkdbd PLEASE ignore this if u don’t want to talk about this au of course, but honestly i only have more !!!!! about it with every piece of info. like the line about fabian and riz’s jaeger being “unstoppable. almost.” and about how adaine joins the fray specifically bc they’re down and adaine and aelwyn are the only ppl who can fill in their place right now. also how kristen is drift compatible with everyone im!!

NO NO NO IM SO HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!! like pacific rim really blessed us by not only being an AMAZING movie but also the best au fodder of all time??? god pacific rim au my beloved <3

some additional stuff because i cant stop:

i think ayda and adaine are totally drift compatible, but never tested together, as ayda only joined the program to pilot with fig

penelope, dayne, and ragh actually triple piloted until fig signed up. everyone thought it was better to separate penelope and dayne because they were ... not always team players when together. but after it came out everything that had been happening between dayne and ragh, that decision was heavily regretted. ragh got ... a lot of counseling after dayne was kicked out. when he was moved to combat trainer, he got a lot happier and became good friends with tracker, who'd been on base long enough to see everything go down

ayda and aelwyn actually knew each other in undergrad. aelwyn became friends with her mostly for strategic purposes, because she was the daughter of the head of the jaeger program and aelwyn wanted to build jaegers. ayda became friends with her because they were both the youngest in the STEM program and she was desperate for someone she could relate to, at least a little. they got along okay but didn't really keep in touch after graduation. they didn't start getting closer until aelwyn became a pilot, because then they COULD actually relate to each other, as scientists-turned-fighters

ayda still found out she was autistic through jawbone, once she finished school and came to base to study kaiju. she opened up to him about how hard it was to relate to her peers, and he was like kiddo youre probably autistic?? like over half of the scientists here are?? and she was like. OH. after everythings over and fig goes back to being a musician, she donates a lot of her touring profits to autistic-led advocacy groups because like. she's literally felt what it's like to live with an autistic brain, and it makes her the biggest ally of all time (and ayda being a very prominent autistic scientist AND pilot actually does like. SO MUCH for autism acceptance. she frequently gives lectures on fig's touring routes)

after they close the breach, fabian gets into a huge blowout fight with bill. cause bill makes his money by selling kaiju parts, so without the kaiju, he doesn't have a job. and by that point fabian has had enough distance and experience that he's like. i would have died for you but i fucking made a name for myself that was better than anything you've ever tried to do, now i get to live for me. and even though he wasn't expecting it, bill actually completely accepts and supports that

yeah so pok actually died cause he got eaten by a kaiju after drifting with one using the pons system he invented. its extremely difficult to hear but riz is also like. that is the most badass thing ive ever fucking heard oh my god (they name the neuroscience program at riz's college after pok. sklonda starts law school there the year after they close the breach)

kristen literally proposes to tracker the day after they close it, barely conscious, with a giant hole in her chest, from her hospital bed. everyone is like. my dude. tracker thinks its extremely romantic

(they end up adopting a bunch of kids who were orphaned because of kaiju attacks)

gorgug goes to college and becomes a high school social studies teacher. zelda runs a local gym. they have an extremely quiet life and are happy to, most of the time, not be noticed or bothered. every once in a while an extremely nerdy kid will recognize gorgug's PARENTS as jaeger mechanics and completely ignore gorgug and zelda thinks its hilarious

after they close the breach, the abernant parents reach out to BOTH aelwyn and adaine to ask them to come back home to visit and be celebrated. and theyre like. mmmm fuck that actually?? but adaine does have a BIT of an existential crisis cause shes like OKAY WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?? they actually end up getting a little apartment together somewhere and aelwyn pays the bills as an engineer making advanced prosthetics. she encourages adaine to just try out as much as possible, and she takes a ton of classes at the community college, the community center, and at various local businesses. but its actually jawbone who inspires her to go back for another degree and become a psych researcher. she makes waves in the trauma and ptsd field

theyre all pretty happy that kalvaxis, category iv, and nightmare, category v, got blown to hell at the bottom of the ocean

[straykats]

this is the same anon again and sjkskdj i loved reading your responses!! im trying to respond to a bunch of different things so sorry if this is a mess but as far as the ‘babes’ thing goes youre absolutely fine!! i lowkey have an obsession with calling people and even tHings??? that, its just feels so right 😌 sometimes i go overboard tho like babes,,, 👁👄👁 chill skkdjwkzj

i literally thought the same thing about forensic anthro cause i took forensic science in hs so i was like “oh, okay cool” when signing up for this class and i still dont know what it specifically means but it was pretty much a whole class on murderers/serial killers and the dead. it was really sad sometimes but we read a lot of interesting books on different things people do to dead bodies/cadavers/things you can donate your body for as well as the stories of people who do autopsies for a living!

ive never really heard about that “have you seen this man” thing and now i really want to look it up!! however, it is 3:40am so ill save myself the potential nightmares and do it in the morning if i remember lol i lowkey love reading about those type of things cause i think its so cool thinking about all the different things that connect us but we just dont realize it (even tho that one in particular is a hoax, its still cool stuff 👀)

my dumb brain is slowly forgetting the stuff i mentally took note of to respond too so oOpsie if i missed some 😔😔 but i agree with you on the aot vs. tmr thing cause i think id definitely have a much harder time surviving if i knew the only thing id be greeted with is titans🧍🏻‍♀️like no maam, not for me ill pass ✋🏻 on a separate note,,,,, who is your fave character from tmr??? i was OBSESSED with it a couple years ago but now im back on my bullshit 🤪🤪🤪 newt really makes me so 🥺🥺🥺💜💜

alright,,,,, ill come clean,,,, the dirt vs. sand thing was cause all of a sudden i was thinking about minecraft and i really wanted to play but once again,,,, its like 4am now 👁👄👁 but so that made me so inclined to ask that question lol thank you for humoring me 🥰

i feel you on the cats and dogs thing!!!! i do have a cat but i always felt like the odd one out when i was little cause everyone loved dogs so much more but cats are just so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 funny story tho: my friend just go a kitten and my other friend was holding her and hes a pretty big and buff dude so he was holding her in one hand and just looked at me like: 👁👄👁 “dude... i could just squeeze once and shes done for” likE BRUH— he aint wrong tho anjdjws my cat on the other hand is LITERALLY the size of a WATERMELON but shes a bad bitch regardless 😩💅🏻🤪😪 (shes an all black cat named luna too :))

alright, i think there was more i wanted to say but now its like 4am officially so im sorry but i shall be surrendering to sleep now but this was really fun! it was cool hearing your view on all my weird questions lol i hope your cramps feel better btw ;-; sometimes mine feel like world war 3 and wow its somethin else so im sending you my love and good vibes 💜😩❤️💕💜💖💞❣️

goodnight! 💜

nonnnie as far as i know this is the first time we've spoken but i love you also i hope you're asleep please be asleep

again, answering under the cut bc dont wanna make people scrool too much AHAHAH

forensic anthro sounds so intersting now?? i really enjoy watching crime shows (or maybe it's just cirminal minds, i'm not sure) and learning about that type of stuff so i feel like i'd enjoy the class! i wanted to do study criminal law or smth similar but my parents were so against it AHAHHA so nvm

i used to love tmrw so much !! i admit i never finished watching the scorch trials or the death cure (ngl idek if theres a death cure movie) but i read the books when i was in highschool and ahhh!!! i really liked minho and newt!! tbh i dont remember why but yes !

if we're tlaking dirt vs sand in minecraft i will say dirt bc i like how grass just pops up after a while AHAHAH

NOOOO HAHAHA ur friend w the kittennnnn CDKJSVJDKVNS what a sigh that would have been though. (... the "big buff dude holding a kitten in one hand" sight, not the "squeeze once and shes done for" sight. just to clarify.) a black cat named luna!!!! i love her already tell her some random viet girl in australia loves her tyvm <3

im watching a crime kdrama and everytime someone gets stabbed i'm like.. bitch,,, same,,, what a mood,,, no but ty for entertaining me despite how late it was for u oh my god i hope you have/had a good sleep (and get/got enough sleep)!!! [insert heart emojis]

[coffee-butler]

woah is that other anon right? did you really tell someone who suffered a hate crime that that was just ‘a bad day’? ive been following you awhile dude that’s messed up oh my god what happened

I think the blog they’re referring to is pastandfuturequeen. They made a post some days ago about something along the lines of asking people to donate $150 per therapy session because she was in a parking lot with white supremacists earlier in the day and she was traumatized. Going strictly off her post, calling it a hate crime is ridiculous. Nothing happened, she was just afraid. I thought that was absurd as $150 is a ton of money to ask when it could be better spent helping a lot of underprivileged people who really need it. As far as I could see from her post, yes, she had a bad day. She was around some undesirables. That doesn’t mean you should go and receive that absurd amount of money from people.

As someone who tries to donate to charity when I’m able, it’s hard to explain exactly how much $150 could do for a cause. A real cause that will help whole groups of people or families. So it frustrates me to see someone asking for people’s money over something like that.

I’m not justifying anyone’s behavior, contrary to what that anon probably thought, I’m not white, I’m not a right winger, and I’m not racist. It isn’t about defending the people the OP seen that day, it’s about being frustrated about how people would rather donate money to a single person so she can have therapy sessions than donate it to something that’s objectively a far more vital cause.

[getoswhore]

i’m very sorry about responding even later! yeah, the churros were really good. during lunch and free period, i go to help with whatever. sometimes i eat lunch and then go, but sometimes i skip.

so basically, it’s when you help people and do acts of kindness. i have no clue why i joined, probably because of my (ex?? i guess) friend and teacher. uhh so recently, we did some posters for our girl running team, since they had a race wednesday. and the cares club is going something about donations for the poor, socks and toothpaste, etc. i go in tuesday mornings, and friday afterschool. free period as well.

i’m glad! how are you, right now, my love? i haven’t been much places, but arizona sounds fun. what did you do there? eh. i’m not too bad but not good either. fine, though. my english teacher said her favorite horror movie is halloween, since she loves scary movies. so i’ve been watching that. i’m on the third one, 1982. i also finished my book, which i loved, and now i’m rereading it. what have you been up to?

he’s just so. pretty. and his voice!! especially his voice. i’m pretty sure he was my first celebrity crush. i’ve had crushes on (mostly) every character of his.

-🦇 anon

BB PLS DW ABOUT RESPONDING LATE EARLY OR YEARS FROM NOW— i will always still be happy that you even respond!1!1!

awww, i wish i can join in on one of the programs! pls i lob helping people sm <3 and that's so sweet of you to do <’333 i lob ppl like you like srsly, ppl who help others are my solace n they deserve the world!! but good luck with that!1!1 and pls keep doing with what you're doing? :”)))

and like RN m vv sleepy tbh, n it's only 10pm 🧍‍♀️ (tho i have been playing acnh till it's like 4am 🏃‍♀️💨) but m vv sleepy n im forcing myself to stay up tonight to work on some schoolwork n maybe some writing! but overall ive been doing fairly well, could honestly be a lot better.. BUUUT tysm for asking bb. <33 ALSO, arizona was so fun (hot as hell tho 🧍‍♀️) i went to a pride parade n had lots of fun, drunk some good shit, ate vv good fried food, saw lots of titties ass n dicks 😌‼️ the drag queens who performed were BOMB ASF (most of them were from rupauls drag race show 😫✋) got lots of girls numbers cause m sexc like that— SBDGFHF OVERALL HAD A BLAST.. n then i went up a rlly big ass mountain n almost shit myself cause m vv scared of heights but the photos came out so sexc so it was worth it, kinda heh.. BUT AH TY FOR ASKIN BB. EEE.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

(Part 1) Im genderfluid leaning more towards masculine & ive been debating getting breast surgery. Idk if i want to get top surgery, but I wanna at least get a reduction bc rn they are too big to pass while in baggy clothes/im afraid to bind them at this size. My mom has gotten a reduction before & told me all of these horror stories about it, like how your breasts will come out weirdly flat afterwards, or how they could easily grow again, especially if i gain weight or get pregnant. (Cont...)

(…Cont) (part 2) Idk what to do or if i should still go through with it, will these things happen to me or is the experience different for other ppl?

Emery says: 

Hi anon! I got a bilateral breast reduction in June 2015 and I *highly* recommend it. I was fortunate enough to have medical insurance that actually covered part of the cost of surgery on the grounds that having such large breasts caused back pain. Because of this little loophole, I actually ended up paying less than $500 out of pocket, which is incredible considering how many thousands of dollars top surgery can cost. I also crowd-funded for my surgery with great success - I recommend YouCaring over GoFundMe; GFM takes a cut of your donations. 

As far as breast growth post-surgery, I have noticed some, but I also went through a semi-significant weight gain post-surgery. However, my bra size has not changed, and it hasn’t been enough growth to have made the surgery not worth it. 

I can’t speak to the effects of pregnancy, but my guess is that it would affect surgically altered breasts relatively similarly to unaltered breasts - that is, they get larger prior to birth and when your milk comes in, then return to their previous size after awhile. There is a risk that you won’t be able to nurse a baby after breast reduction surgery, something my surgeon warned me about. I think he said it’s about a 50% chance? I didn’t pay much attention since biological children are not in my future anyway. But if that’s something you’re concerned about, it’s definitely worth asking the surgeon. 

When it comes to the actual surgery and recovery experience, I found it pretty smooth. The surgery is not particularly invasive, is an outpatient procedure, and all told takes about 3-5 hours in the clinic (that includes getting prepped, surgery, waking up in recovery, and getting instructions to go home). I went back the day after to get my drains removed, and had a follow-up appointments (I remember having them after one week and after 3 months but I think I had another 1 or 2 in between there). 

My total recovery time was 3 months if you count waiting until all the swelling had gone down completely and they said I could buy new bras and stuff, but my stitches were dissolved/removed in two weeks (ish?) and I was allowed to go back to most normal activities after 3 weeks. The worst part of the recovery was the first two or three days, which were mostly spent on painkillers, in bed, with ice on my chest. Luckily my parents took care of my - on the day of the surgery my mom took me to and from the clinic and stayed with me, and the next day my dad stayed home to care for me and take me to get my drains out. By the third day I was home alone during the day and managed to survive okay (mostly sleeping). 

The hardest part of recovery was having to sleep propped up because I’m a very particular sleeper, but I did okay. It was also hard to sit up after reclining because using my abdominal muscles hurt, so I needed someone to brace my back and help for a few days. My incisions themselves healed really well, except for one spot that developed a hematoma (basically a pocket inside of clotted blood). But even that healed within a month. Now, two and a half years after surgery, my scars are visible only as thin white lines. 

This was a lot about my personal experience, but if you have further questions about my experience or more generally, feel free to ask over on my personal blog, @momqueer. You can also check out my surgery tag (http://momqueer.tumblr.com/tagged/surgery+tag) for posts and pics from when I actually got surgery. Good luck!

[nomorelonelydays]

Sidgeno Mermaid AU anon fic

(Again, not written by me, but by the same anon who wrote the Sidgeno actor AU!)

[Chapter 1/?] >>

It happens against The Flyers. Because of course it does.

He knows as soon as his knee hits the board that he’s not skating off the ice.

He knows he’s not going to be skating again.

The trainer kneels next to him with a careful hand on his arm and starts asking questions.

He didn’t hit his head. He can move his toes. His back feels fine.

“You’re gonna be fine, G,” Tanger says when he skates up to him.

The arena is so silent that he’s sure the whole crowd can hear him when he says “that’s it.”

“Yeah,” Tanger says, “don’t worry, we got this.”

“No,” Geno tells him through a hiss of pain as he’s helped onto the stretcher. Kuni stands on one side and Horny on the other. “That’s it. I’m done.”

*

The hospital room is dark and warm when he wakes up from surgery.

There are city lights outside the window light the room enough for him to see his parents in the chairs across from him.

They’re slouched down and leaning towards each other.

His mother is going to have an achy neck when she wakes up.

Geno presses his head against the pillow and look away. The cotton is cool against his face and the brace on his leg is bulky beneath the sheets.

He’s not in any pain and he’s sure that has to do with whatever is slowly dripping into the IV that’s in his arm.

He shuts his eyes and tries not to think about anything until he falls asleep.

*

The doctors tell him it’s going to take time but there’s a chance that he’ll be able to walk without a noticeable limp.

When his parents are told he’s not going to skate again his mother presses her hand over her mouth and his father leaves the room so no one will see the tears that are welling up in his eyes.

“You’ll come home,”  his mother says with hand on his shoulder. “You’ll come back home.”

Geno doesn’t say anything.

The front office expects him to stay.

They made it clear they’re not turning their backs on him, they’re not forgetting him.

There’s always a place for you here.

The fans want him to take over for Mario.

They're leaving piles and piles of flowers and get well notes and stuffed animals against the gate at the end of his driveway.

It's like he died.

To the fans he might as well have.

*

He misses the statement that Jim reads.

“It was pretty moving,” Tanger says as he drops a few more magazines on the bed.

He hasn't turned on the TV or picked up the newspaper that the nurse leaves on his tray.

All he has are the magazines Tanger has swiped from the waiting room.

“So.” Tanger sits on the edge of the bed, careful of the brace and folds his hands together. “What are you going to do?”

“Don't know,” he says and picks up a battered Better Homes and Gardens from ‘97. He flips to one of the dog eared pages and starts to read about a small fishing village off the coast of Nova Scotia.

Tanger looks like he wants to say something but Geno gives him a look, the same look he used to give him on the ice when he was ready for a fight and he sighs and opens a National Geographic from 2004.

*

The snow is starting to melt by the time Geno is walking without a crutch.

The public hasn't seen or heard from him for months but the team tells the media he's doing well.

They wear a C on their jersey for him during warm ups and Tanger, Kunitz, and Phil wear the A’s during the game.

He only knows that because his mother tells him between begging him to come home.

He looks down at the article about the Canadian village in the magazine that he swiped from the hospital and says goodbye to his mother.

Then he lets himself go online for the first time in months.

*

The house is a disaster.

It's been sitting abandoned for six years and without the upkeep it’s fallen into disrepair.

Geno likes that though. He likes looking at this broken thing and seeing the potential. It needs paint and the railings on the wraparound deck look like they’re loose. He doubts the front steps will hold much weight and the cabinets in the kitchen should be sanded and re-stained.

It’s going to be a project but he nothing but time now.

This house will be a fresh start. Something new and all his own.

When he calls his real estate agent to make an offer she thinks he's kidding.

“Why laugh? No joke. Make an offer.”

“Mr. Malkin. This is not- I can't. You haven't even seen the place in person.”

“Don't have to. I want it.”

“We are looking at the same house, aren't we? You sent me the right link?”

He understands why she’s questioning it.

“Yes, yes, I double check. Now make offer or I find someone else to.”

She sighs but says “I think they're asking too much. I can get it down another ten grand.”

“Add ten grand to the price. Want this house.”

“Evgeni.”

“I find someone else.”

There's a long stretch of silence and then “I'll make the call.”

“Put my house on market too. Won't need two.”

“Mr. Malkin-.”

He hangs up on her.

*

The agent meets him at the house.

Her arms are crossed tight against her chest and she’s tapping her foot.

She hands him the keys with a shake of her head.

“The keys are symbolic. The front door is off it’s hinges.”

He rubs his hand against the door frame. A splinter lodges itself into his palm. “Is fine.”

She heaves another sigh and pushes her way in. “Welcome home.”

Geno has to catch the door before it falls to the ground.

“When are the rest of your things arriving?” She asks as she steps over a hole in the floorboards.

Geno drops his bag to the floor. “This it.”

She blinks at him. Everything that didn’t fit in his bag will be donated or auctioned off for charity.

“You don’t have any furniture?”

“Can get some in town. If not I order online and get it shipped.”

She smiles and Geno can see right through it. “I’m glad you have a plan. You’re going to need to call the cable company to get you set up with phone and internet. I have their number for you. I also looked into a plumber and someone to check the wiring.”

“I can do that.”

“You can check the wiring?”

“Can read online. Figure it out.” He shrugs one shoulder and tests the knobs on the gas stove in the kitchen. “Maybe watch youtube video.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose. “I was going to tell you I could still get you out of this but it seems like you have your heart set.”

“This good for me up here. Is fun.”

“Getting electrocuted is going to be fun for you?”

“I tell you. Watch youtube, be fine.”

He smiles and leans against the old kitchen table that was left behind. It creaks beneath his weight.

*

He makes a list of things he needs to do on a piece of newspaper is finds in the bedroom.

He needs furniture, paint, lumber.

Tomorrow he’ll have to find food. At least the fridge seems to work. It’s one small blessing.

The stove seems to work as well and he unearths a pot from beneath the kitchen sink and waits patiently for it to boil.

All he has is his travel thermos and he makes a note on the newspaper to buy mugs ASAP.

He sits on the uneven porch steps and dips the tea bag in and out of the water as he toes off his shoes and his socks and rubs the arch of his foot over the smooth rocks at the bottom of the steps and the sand that’s worked it’s way between them.

The tea isn’t nearly as strong as he likes it but it’ll do for now.

He rubs his knee like that’s going to take the ache from it and tries not to worry about the mess he probably just gotten himself into.

His skin feels tacky from the salt that hangs in the air. It feels like he’s swimming in it.

He leans his elbow back against the top steps and watches the sun dip below the horizon. It paints a strip of orange across the water.

Offshore about twenty feet something breaches the water right in the middle of the light. It floats there for a moment and Geno leans forward again, like the extra inches will make the figure clearer.

A head and shoulders.

Geno blinks and it’s gone. No splash or ripples on the water beyond the surf.

It’s getting late and he’s had a long day. He’s getting tired and seeing things.

Getting up from the low steps is a challenge but he does it while only swearing a half a dozen times.

Before he goes in for the night he looks over his shoulder at the water and swears he sees a flash of a tail.

[aquarianlights]

I am the anon who asked about nexplanon. I thought it could trigger you, that's why I didn't go into details. I wanted to know if it stops your period or if you are still bleeding? Hope I've been more clear.

Gonna write out a fuckton of details, putting the important things in bold…and then put a completely bolded TL;DR at the end:

I really appreciate the not wanting to trigger me. I thought maybe that was why you didn’t go into detail. That is really respectful and I really appreciate it, but for future reference for you and anyone: If it is medical, scientific, or for educational purposes and does not reference my parts sexually or treat me or my parts as sexual objects and I still remain male in the eyes of whomever is asking me questions, I don’t mind explicit detail.

I really appreciate that, though.

As for the answer….It’s a little complicated.

This is my replacement nexplanon. I had one for three years prior to this one. I got my replacement one put in on 11/22/2017.

With my FIRST nexplanon…the first three years I had it…I didn’t bleed at all. The one and ONLY time I spotted (did not get a full period and did not get ANY associated symptoms…just simply spotted) was when living with my ex-girlfriend and her husband. My ex had VERY alpha-essque hormones. I spotted tiny, tiny bit when living with Chelle but it was so unnoticeable that I didn’t even have to use a pad.

It is completely normal for anyone with female parts that has nexplanon to actually get a full period (even with all the associated symptoms) for the first few months after insertion… And, IF I UNDERSTOOD MY NURSE RIGHT…..(I may not have, coz I’ve been in a total daze this past week+), it’s even possible for people with the appropriate female parts to have full periods with associated symptoms every month on time for the entirety of their time with nexplanon. But every single person I’ve talked to who has nexplanon said that’s really not a thing and their periods, if they got them AT ALL, went away almost immediately after the first few months.

I have a bleeding/clotting disorder that especially affects my periods (and is also something I have to alert tattoo artists to which is why a lot of my tats come out unfinished). When I got my first period at the age of…maybe 13? I was hospitalized because I clotted so badly and I almost bled out entirely. They suggested I take my uterus out immediately because this wasn’t something that was going to go away and I would need to be on a VERY STRONG BC for the rest of my life that either eliminated bleeding/clotting altogether or made it to where I bled/clotted like a normal person’s period, which would still be awful. ALSO, my periods last approximately 2 weeks, give or take a couple days each time. This is normal for my entire family on my mother’s side…it would put my mom and her mom and their mom before that and all my mom’s sisters out of work and out of school and stuff the entire time every month of their period. They didn’t have it as severe as me because they didn’t have the bleeding/clotting disorder to worry about. But they did have as severe cramping as I had that was as bad, if not worse, than labour pains (spoken from women in my family who have been through it, some multiple times). They DIDN’T have something that I didn’t get until my late teens, early 20′s…and on… until I got my nexplanon. The psychological effects of the period. Every single time I got my period, I would wind up in a hospital the day before I actually got it because of the most extreme and impulsive suicide attempts you can imagine. I have NEVER felt such extreme psychological instability as I have when on my period. It’s like…every single disorder I have gets amplified by a million and they all clash and I’m unable to control anything and suddenly my body and mind act on their own and I’m no longer in control and I black out and wake up in a hospital or while being dragged, kicking and screaming, down the hall by orderlies to the floor with a ward on it. The hallucinations, the BPD symptoms, the other schizo symptoms, the homicidal and suicidal symptoms usually being taken over by suicidal, the self harm urges, the inability to make decisions for myself, the panic attacks while all of this is happening, flashbacks to rapes and being in wards and being trapped and sex training and all sorts of different things that i cant remember, …the list goes on and on. ALL AT ONCE. I just wake up and get FLOODED with all of these things all at once and Killian shuts down and idk what or who takes over but whatever does instantly goes for the most dramatic, impulsive, instantaneous, shocking, grandiose, suicidal gesture you could ever imagine that always seems to be in public (lets break a glass mirror in public with your brass knuckles and slit our wrists and throat open with a huge shard where everyone can see, why don’t we!?) so I mean, you can only imagine how many times I’ve been thrown right on the ground by a cop and cuffed and taken in. This is usually the day BEFORE my period. Also, I starve on my period. I starve naturally coz I’m anorexic…but it takes willpower to starve during non-period times and times when I’m sober..During my period…I can’t eat anything coz I always feel nauseated, my two lower quadrants are always in such intense throbbing or stabbing pain that I’m writhing and screaming despite heating pads and normally a dilaudid or fentanyl drip at the hospital, the thought, smell, and visual effect of food makes me feel….full? Idk how to describe… It’s not nauseated. But it makes me feel so full that I couldn’t force myself to eat even if I wanted to. And since my period lasts a MINIMUM of two weeks, give or take a couple days, I usually end up on IV nutrients, too.

I’m explaining all of this because I’m needing to explain WHY it is so important that I chose nexplanon over…say…The Pill or an IUD or something. I’ve heard that the Depo Provera shot works for people who can’t handle nexplanon and vice versa. Well, when I tried the Depo Provera shot, I wound up having the effects of an anti-depressant on me…in other words, it made me so insatiably suicidal that I ended up in a ward within a couple hours of getting the shot. Depo worked HORRIBLY on me…I didn’t even get to see if it worked for any of my period symptoms coz it had to be flushed from my system entirely coz of the EXTREME psych effects it had on me.

But Nexplanon….Nexplanon was my saving grace.

Coz not only did I literally NEED the bleeding/clotting to stop….But I NEEDED ALMOST ALL of the associated symptoms to stop. I think the only things that weren’t either life threatening or debilitating were mild acne that happened very rarely each period (never really had to deal with acne in my life) and the bloating/water retention. Very specific, certain mood swings associated with periods were something not life threatening or debilitating either. Just…annoying and a total bitch to everyone around me hahahaha. I slayed with my words and popped off on anyone…Yikes. But it wasn’t like my BPD mood swings where 0 to 100 in less than a second on being euphoric and suicidal almost simultaneously.

I explained all of that because I need everyone to realize I chose nexplanon and not anything else because almost everything about my period (the bleeding/clotting AND almost ALL associated symptoms) were life threatening AND debilitating and had almost killed me so many times, it was terrifying. Since my parents obviously did not agree to get my uterus taken out and since I haven’t had the money to get mine surgically removed and donated to a wonderful transgirl (got three of you lovely ladies in mind! you all know who you are!)…I needed a BC medication that was going to stop EVERYTHING. Not just “the period”. But the ENTIRE period. The bleeding/clotting and ALL associated symptoms.

That BC was either Depo Provera shot or Nexplanon. One works, the other doesn’t…it seems to be that way with everyone. I tried Nexplanon first. That worked well. I forget why I tried Depo inbetween but you just read how nearly fatal that was for me…

ANYWAYS…

So this is my second time on it. As I said, It was put in on 11/22/2017. 

The removal and replacement went smoothly and it’s been going smoothly……..until this month.

What I am experiencing is normal for a NORMAL PERSON. A NORMAL PERSON with a NORMAL PERIOD would be okay with these symptoms. Problem being….Idk what symptoms are associated with what because:a) I’m switching my migraine medication to something that causes certain side effects until it levels out in my systemb) I’m having what a normal person would consider a full periodc) Optical and chronic migraines are happening simultaneously and they are debilitating to the point of making me bed-ridden if I don’t take my old migraine med along with this new one (which I’m not supposed to be doing)d) I’m getting a rheumatoid diagnosis and seeing a rheymatologist soon (they’re gonna probably schedule me tomorrow for a week to a month out…month at the longest) for either a lupus or fibro diagnosis, but they’re also going to check for hyperalgesia presenting in the kicked puppy/”flinching disorder” way and there are a FUCKTON of new symptoms I’m experiencing because of whatever this auto-immune disorder or rheumatoid virus (or both) is and my period actually could be happening BECAUSE of all of thise) I added a new exercise regime in when I really haven’t exercised every day and night consistently since I got diagnosed with chronic costochondritis for fear of cardiac arrest, which I fear even more now that I’m on a med that makes it to where I can’t sweat, BUT….exercise is good for joint/muscle disease/virus/pain/etc etc etc…f) I’m under a LOT of stress and pressure regarding so many things but right now it’s primarily school…getting into a pre-med tailored general biology major and a good university to switch to a medical major and pass the MCAT and do a FUCKTON of things simultaneously in order to get into medical school (trust me, you have NO idea how many non-scholastic things you HAVE to do to even be considered an applicant at p much every med uni)… I mean, I’m enrolled in three different colleges right now and I’m taking 6 vet tech related medical classes right now and will be taking 2 general ed classes on campus 45 minutes from here to finish a different degree…so I will have two associates band a bachelors by the time I’m moving on to my doctorate (coz med majors don’t get their masters, we just move from bachelors to doctorate for some reason)g) FAFSA is another time constraint stress that is KILLING ME and scholarships and such….h) Getting into the “back to work” program with disability, trying to find a job, trying to find internships, keeping up with seminars, paperwork stacked a mile high that is all deadline, deadline, DEADLINE…I’m going to a bazillion, million doctors who are all 3+ hours away and a lot of them are turning me away at the end of the visit because they “just don’t know what to do” and “this is above [my] pay-grade” so specialists refer me to other specialists who just refer me RIGHT BACK to those other specialists and then it’s an argument on whose specialty it is because the symptoms are literally from head to foot in me and no one knows what the fuck to do to help until I see a rheumatologist so it’s MORE THAN STRESSFUL driving 6+ hours almost every day of the week to go through extensive medical exams and testing only to be told they can’t help me/don’t know what to do/recommend…….and refer me someplace else….. and also all the hospital visits I’m ending up having to endure… alone… because my roommates are an “every man for themselves” type of roommate situation….i) Being put on a new medication I’ve never tried before, Lyrica, and playing around with the dosage myself and pushing it up to 600mg a day sometimes when I’m prescribed 200mg a day (100/100 day/night) and the max legal dose for my issues is 300mg/day…not to mention I’m not being consistent with it at all…and I was supposed to titrate up from 25mg to 75mg because it can affect my psych issues the first month but I just started on 200mg per day anyways coz I’m an idiot and have a self-medication problem (hence why tons of psychs have discharged me…rightfully so)j) moving in general and getting adjusted to new roommates and a new state and a new city and a new environment in general….k) getting used to a new style of support that I WANT AND NEED OVERALL but can’t handle and don’t need specifically right now when I’m just now getting diagnosed and transitioning through all these things…L) my HRT doc finally cleared me for T after working with her and the HRT board with PPH because it was dangerous with my psych issues….and then all of a sudden all of these physical issues popped up, forcing me not only to change my entire moving plans, living plans, schooling plans, autonomy timeline, Echo timeline, screwed with my financial stability I had going on MAJORLY, a TON of other things….and then ONCE AGAIN…barred me from being eligible for HRT because it isn’t safe anymore and until I get a full, complete workup and diagnosis, as well as find out what medications I’m going to be on and the dosage and they level out in my system and we all see how they’re going to affect me…….HRT is not an option….so I have to wait EVEN LONGER….to transition….M) relations with my parents became more strained than ever lately which is odd because normally being away and being unable to be physically abused makes things better and healthier between us…but suddenly, I’VE become the abusive one…. I’m fucking lashing out at my mother every chance I get and that’s normal for chronic illness diagnosis and stuff but blacking out due to anger is not… and idk where the anger black outs are coming from…and there are other black outs…N) Shit going on with my grandparents that SHOULDN’T be going on as well as with my father that SHOULDNT be going on and only people who truly know my father and me and what has gone on between us and who he really is can comment on this (which those people I can count on one hand), but I hope to god he dies before I can get to him…Jesus fucking christO) ……I can’t go on with specifics anymore, I’m bad with list but SUFFICE IT TO SAY…..

I HAVE A FUCKTON OF STUFF GOING ON SIMULTANEOUSLY AND I’M DOING ABOVE A NEUROTYPICAL LEVEL OF ADULTING EVERY SINGLE DAY. Like….WAY above. Above an able-bodied level of adulting, too! Above a neurotypical, able-bodied person’s adulting workload every day…. Which is scary.

I’m mentioning all that because all of that is apparently stress related. Apparently if there is enough stress in your body, it can release certain hormones. And those hormones, if powerful enough…like…if the stress is powerful enough…can cause a period in people. For people who aren’t on BC, it can cause them to have it at irregular times (ie; having it right after having finally stopped it… having it twice in one month…having it once in 3 months….etc etc etc).

That list is the major things I can think of off the very top of my head that are going on with me at this very moment… It is POSSIBLE that all of that is the cause of me having a normal person’s flow and all associated symptom’s at a normal person’s level.

WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY NORMAL PERSON: I mean… A normal flow as in… +NOT going through over one of the biggest maxi pads available every half hour/using a singular biggest maxi pad available maybe every 6-8 hours, +NOT being bed-ridden due to cramps/being able to stand up and walk and walk up and down stairs on my own when I have cramps and be out and about if I NEED to and stand the duration of a shower with cramps, being able to eat if I need to, +having zofran or phenergen work when nauseated, +having actual acne that I clawed to shreds with my nails so it’s very noticeable (I’ve had acne less than 10 times in my entire life so it’s a little distressing to see it on my face coz idk how to deal with it, but I had to claw at it until the convex forms turned concave and started gushing blood…so now it looks like two, big, perfectly round, bright red, blood-coloured spots on my face that I claw open every morning till they bleed and claw at during the day and smother in neosporin during the night), +the clotting is about half the size of my fits and comes out only when I pee/sit on the toilet (normally, the clots are the size of my fits or bigger, which is why a D&C surgery is necessary if it were happening again, but my hands are very small…VERY small…probably smaller than President Tiny Hands…so half the size is not that bad),+Bloating/water retention to where my pants/shirts don’t even fit but my weight hasn’t gone up…but, man, it hurts my soul and my mind so badly that it makes me want to hurt myself for self loathing purposes which I haven’t wanted to do in a long time and kill myself for being obese and hideous despite the fact I know this is temporary.+Mild headaches/NOT MIGRAINES OR HEADACHES THAT HAVE ANY SORT OR LIGHT OR SOUND SENSITIVITY,+NORMAL mood swings that are not akin to BPD or bipolar disorder at all and aren’t bad enough to cause any fights, either with others or with myself,+NO Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation…No instantaneous suicide attempts…no insatiable self harm urges,+This may be specific to me, but cravings for weird things like the feel of blood or the smell of the ocean,+Either an entire lack of appetite or a voracious appetite+Putting off adult responsibilities with a NORMAL amount of guilty conscious applied to it and not a “Jesus fucking christ, you’re absolutely useless, ON TOP of being obese and ugly, you really DO need to kill yourself RIGHT NOW because look at all the things you need to do and you’re not, you lazy piece of shit child” but more of a “You’re being lazy lol, but it’s okay…tomorrow is a new day. Fuck it. Fuck being an adult. I am NOT adulting today!”+INTENSE craving for chocolate…ALL the time… Like, not cheap chocolate, either. Like… mandarin orange infused godiva chocolate… All day, every day. Fuck.+Breasts swelling to almost a whole new cup size. Been having a hard time using the normal sized chest binder I use because my breasts swelled or retained water/milk/whatever so much. I don’t think they hit C’s, but my smaller B-cup bras which is what I normally wear to bed didn’t fit. Regular sized B-cups are normally WAY too loose on me to wear to bed and my girls will slip out during the night so I always have to find the tight, little girls training B-cups instead of, like…the ladies. I can fit into an A, but it’s just slightly too tight and a little too uncomfortable, unfortunately. I was an A my whole life until I got on antipsychotics. Hopefully T will bring them down to the smallest A possible and I can go down in my binder size.+Heightened sensitivity to pain and heat

Here’s a lack of symptoms I have entirely despite the fact I have my period that normally accompany MY period which also make this a “normal” person’s period:+No homicidal thoughts/desires/actions (thoughts past the normal)!+No suicidal thoughts/desires/actions (thoughts past the normal)!+No impulse spending to the point of spending the entirety of your money.+No sudden development of bipolar disorder but only for the duration of your period (a psych has confirmed this with me and gone over it with me and why I am bipolar on my period and not BPD and how this can be and how it is similar to a drug induced mental disorder, ie; drug induced schizophrenia, so I’m not just like…pulling this out of the blue, I swear lololol)+An ability to remain calm and level headed during arguments or fights if there even are any and turn things into a debate or a joke/satirical conversation instead of an argument like I normally do+No sudden surge of a loss of interest in things I love (which was hard to do to begin with since I lost everything I loved to depression over the years so this feeling of losing my passions during my periods was very soul crushing)+No getting triggered by noise, like… Being mentally overloaded by noise everywhere. I know there’s a word for this and it’s normally associated with autistic people but I’m blanking coz I’m not autistic and I don’t usually experience this and a cacophony of noise actually soothes me usually, tbh…lol.+No being overly sensitive to other people’s words and actions and no reading into and over-analyzing everything everyone says and does+No extreme panic attacks that are actually mental based and not physically based (I have panic disorder, which means I don’t get any sort of mental symptoms with my panic attacks because panic disorder does not have any association with anxiety or anxiety attacks or panic attacks that are caused by mental stuff… so my panic attacks are always purely physical…during my period, they can be started mentally…which is impossible for me otherwise)+No odd fears popping up that I overcame a long time ago (ie; phone phobia making me have a panic attack if someone calls me and making me unable to answer the phone or call anyone I need to, balloon phobia, needle phobia…actually, you know, I’m still not quite over balloons yet…I thought I overcame it about like…4 or 5 years ago but then my coworkers tied balloons to my car doors as a prank and I had a panic attack and broke down crying and had to have one of them come cut them off for me lolololol…so idk about that one, but you get my examples, right?)+No losing the conscience I have built up over the years and maintained so that I can force myself to stay away from being abusive and neglectful to people I love (ie; gaslighting, manipulation, coercion, pressure, charm, using my unique charisma for evil, threats, homicidal actions, conditioning, etc etc etc…) which comes with being BPD since I cannot feel empathy or sympathy and cannot “put myself in someone else’s shoes” due to ANOTHER disorder so I have made my own conscience and I lose it during my period because it’s made up and I have to be very self aware to keep it in place coz I don’t have a conscience naturally like most people do.+No hallucinations, auditory and/or visual+No catatonic moments+No psychosis, temporary/intermittent or permanent enough to need intervention+No purposefully making a dramatic scene in public in order to elicit a response from professionals and the crowd around me to come try to take me away to a ward so I can fight them+No lying without even realizing I’m doing it or meaning to about REALLY weird things to get attention (The things I lie about without realizing I’m doing it until after I’ve already done it while I’m on my period are INSANE!!!! It can range from something as innocent and benign as like… lying about the weather to a long distance friend…”Yeah, it’s raining outside. So nice.” When it’s fucking sunny as hell and making me miserable??? To something as big and severe as “I have a gun pointed at my head right now. I’m ready to do it. I have nothing left to lose.” Bitch, I can count the number of times I’ve held a gun to my head on one hand and it’s a VERY low number because it’s always been my dad’s gun and I’ve only been honest about holding a gun to my head to like… my ex girlfriend and one of my friends. That’s it. Yet, I have said this line so many times on my period without even realizing it until after I’ve said it and when it’s already been said it’s kind of a *shrug* “Welp…oh well…I guess…Too late to correct it…” sorta thing…So I go with it and just put on a whole act and it feels totally normal when I’m on my period??? My period turns me into a really fucking crazy, manipulative, evil little boy…)+Trying to steal the spotlight from others irl to get attention on me (ie; I can’t think of a real example, so I’m making up one: A coworker blacks out during a shift so they have to call 911…when the paramedics arrive, I go start unloading boxes, using one of those retractable blade thingies to open the boxes, while everyone is watching our pale, actually in distress coworker be loaded onto a gurney… I would go as far as to literally stab myself or slice a VERY deep wound in my hand or even chop the front part pad of a finger off (which I really have done before) just so I can scream (for real coz it hurts and it makes me yelp in surprise) so that everyone will turn their attention onto me and one of the paramedics will grab me and take me with them in the ambulance and I will go to the hospital with them and get all the “Omg are you okay? What happened? Did [x] really happen? Were you really in the hospital? Omg blah blah blah ATTENTION blah blah” as soon as I get back and it will rip ALL the attention away from the coworker who actually deserved it and actually needed…that’s not an actual example, I made that up, but I would not be surprised in the least if I did something like that while on my period if I were working rn and this happened)+Impulse stealing from corporate stores just for the adrenaline rush and to shove it to “the man”+Majority of my life, it was Cry and sob and cry and sob and writhe and pull my hair out and claw at myself and sob with full body shakes because of how much mental pain I was in because suicidal feelings definitely overpowered homicidal, but now and before my original nexplanon was put in 4 years ago…like…the very very very last period I had…Going out and looking for a fight with strangers…a physical fight…that I damn well know I will lose coz I’m a 5′2″ obese boy with absolutely NO muscle… SIMPLY TO GET MY ASS BEAT AND FEEL THOSE ENDORPHINS RUSH AND FEEL THE ADRENALINE PUMP AND THEN DIE OUT (similar to cutting)… Or just go to a bar and get in the most gruesome bar fight ever… Or find a human-like substance… and stab it over and over with a knife and beat it in with brass knuckles… Threaten people with knives… Etc etc etc …. Basically a bunch of homicidal stuff that I experienced the first two days of my period but now it’s gone coz the homicidal definitely overpowers the suicidal now+Such extreme apathy AND lethargy that I could lose whatever job I have at the time, go from a solid 4.0 to failing all my classes, and lose placement and lose progress in absolutely EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I’m attending/working towards/doing/etc+The extreme apathy and lethargy bleeds into self care, too. No showering, no brushing your teeth, no washing your hands, etc etc etc…

I can’t think of anything else, but there’s probably more…Idk. But Anyways…EVERYTHING ABOVE IS SUPPOSED TO BE MASKED MY NEXPLANON COMPLETELY!

What I am CURRENTLY experiencing…is the first list. The one prior to the one right above this one. Normal bleeding/clotting and a normal level of psychological and other physical symptoms.

However…this has never happened to me before…

During my first three years with my first nexplanon, it took less than the first month for ALL of my symptoms to go away and I didn’t even spot the first month. That’s kinda what it was like up until JUST NOW with the nexplanon. No spotting or associated symptoms or ANYTHING until….literally just a few days ago…Maybe even a week ago now. The bleeding has slowed to the point where I don’t need anything other than a thin pad now. The cramping has slowed to where I don’t need a heating pad all the time. The mood swings are gone… I’ll admit, the first two days I got my period, I wanted to kill myself so badly and I most certainly did self harm. I slit the fuck outta my wrists and was SO CLOSE to going for the 20-minute-kill-zone. But I didn’t. Thank GOD I didn’t do it…Also, the first two days were abnormal for me in the fact that I wanted to eat EVERYTHING. NONSTOP. I was SO HUNGRY. Normally my period makes me so nauseated and makes me want to stay away from food so adamantly that I can’t even force myself to eat to stay alive so, like I said, I usually end up on IV nutrients in the hospital during the second week… My hunger returned to normal level on the third day and then has gone to the forcing myself to eat to stay alive bit now because I’m never hungry and I’m looking at food either makes me feel full or nauseated. Smelling food definitely makes me feel nauseated unless it’s chocolate. Lmaoooo! I am prescribed both phenergen and zofran for different reasons, though, so I just pop some zofran and it normally takes care of it to where I can force myself to eat something to stay alive or to not have a hypoglycemic attack. Coz now if I don’t eat something (even if it’s just a fucking spoonful of peanut butter or a cup of orange juice or a bar of chocolate—listing those 3 things coz they’re the top three best things to bring someone out of hypoglycemic shock) within 24 hours, I will notice my blood sugar bottom out and I will go into hypoglycemic shock and if I don’t immediately take care of it, I need to be hospitalized. Which is why I ALWAYS have chocolate on hand and ALWAYS have orange juice in the house. Don’t always have peanut butter on hand…but I should. I also have chronically low blood pressure and for some reason that affects my blood sugar and how easily it can crash and such? I’m not quit sure how (med student here and I have no idea the physiology of this stuff lol….wow) but I have to pay SUPER SPECIAL ATTENTION to BOTH of those things (blood sugar and blood pressure) during my period…because if my BP bottoms out and I don’t get help, I go into a coma. God forbid it fucking happens while I’m sleeping which…since I take metropolol (migraine med which drops my BP coz it’s a BP med) before bed and go to sleep with ambien which lowers my BP double (ambien and sleeping lowers your BP) AND IF I’M ON MY PERIOD ON TOP OF THAT….my BP will just plummet…and if I’m sleeping, there’s no chance at getting help or found or anything… I’ll just go straight to a coma. Same with hypoglycemia. Which is why I make sure ESPECIALLY ON MY PERIOD to eat something chocolate or peanut butter or both…and drink a bit of orange juice before bed…just in case. Coz being in hypoglycemic shock is scary af…the few times I have been…being TOTALLY helpless like that…totally disoriented… totally at the mercy of whomever finds you…feeling yourself slipping away…. unable to call or move for help…that’s TERRIFYING. Lemme tell you…and MY PERIOD CAN MAKE THAT 20x WORSE. JFC.

So….

Tl;Dr: Yes, I’m bleeding this month… 3 months after getting it put in. I’m having what would be considered a “normal person’s” period with a “normal person’s” symptoms…nothing I’ve ever experienced myself with my own period. So this is a fucking miracle period, but it still sucks and is still terrifying.I chose Nexplanon because no other BC (other than I’ve heard Depo does this for some people?) not only stops the bleeding/clotting COMPLETELY, but also stops ALL associated symptoms, both physical and mental/emotional/psychological. Which…almost ALL (I can’t stress ALL enough; there’s barely any that ARE NOT) symptoms associated with a period have the potential to be fatal to me, including the mental/emotional/psychological ones. So a BC that stopped them all entirely is what I needed since my parents wouldn’t consent to taking my uterus out via surgery which is what doctors recommended over and over and over again and when I became an adult, it was too costly and is STILL too costly. So Nexplanon + the T I’m going to be getting on are a beautiful combination for stopping EVERYTHING.Apparently, it is NORMAL to have a period the first few months on Nexplanon, albeit I did not experience this with my first nexplanon and only experienced true spotting ONCE with my first nexplanon the first 3+ years I had it in when my hormonal alpha female ex-gf got her fullblown period and I was living with her and her husband and sleeping in the same bed as her. I only got spotting. No associated symptoms, physical or psychological.This time around, I am having what would be considered a normal period for a neurotypical person with no uterine problems or vaginal problems or bleeding disorders (I have vaginismus, too, so that factors in somewhere).The bleeding seems to have stopped entirely today, making it last around maybe 5-6 days, which I think is the “normal” time for a “normal” person. 

Most associated symptoms have left. The ones that remain are: Bloating, Breast swelling, Aching/Sore body (but that could be associated with the lupus/fibro/hyperalgesia diagnoses going on with me because the joints are the worst with sore-ness and aching),Mild, spontaneous headaches,Extreme heat sensitivity,Acne (but that could be because I literally clawed both spots open with my nails until they started gushing blood and now I keep clawing them open every morning and all the time throughout the day….so I mean..??? I’ve never dealt with acne. Idk how to deal with it. I’m just putting neosporin on at night.)

I am expecting these things to go away… The headaches, aching/soreness, and heat sensitivity could be associated with other illnesses going on with me that I’ve never dealt with before and don’t know what to expect. But I know damn well the bloating and breast swelling is from this…and I know the acne is from this, as that was confirmed by a doctor (coz I was scared about it being from something else) but I think it just hasn’t gone away because I keep clawing at it and making it bleed. If they don’t go away in a week, I’m gonna let my gyno know and see what she can do/recommends.

The first two days of this were ALMOST as rough, psychologically, as my normal period and the cramps and clotting put me in the hospital and warranted a high dosage morphine shot, 800mg of ibuprofen (and a script for it) and a hydro (and a script for it). 

The ONLY thing I’m worried about recurring other than the cramps and clotting and psychological symptoms is that… I don’t know if the physical black outs are related to my period or if they are related to my auto-immune disorder (lupus/fibro/hyperalgesia) because when I first got diagnosed with a joint-related virus, where they took x-rays that showed a virus of some sort was physically eating away my joints…I was literally blacking out for a couple seconds every 5-15 minutes. That was about a month ago. Now I have almost a full solid diagnosis, but I’ve thrown two new medications into the mix (Lyrica, which I’ve never been on before, and Topamax, which this is my 6th or 7th time being on) and a lot of new things/stressors/lifestyle changes in general… but the other day. ..maybe 3 days ago now? 2? It happened again. Blacking out for very short amounts of time…approximately 10 seconds every 5-15 minutes…but towards the end of the day, I blacked out so badly that I was out for a solid 20 minutes, give or take, and since I blacked out in the kitchen, my head either hit the tile floor or a counter when I went down and since I have a bleeding disorder AND it was head wound, even though it was barely even a surface scratch at all (it’s practically healed now, 2-3 days later), it bled badly enough in those 20 minutes or so that when my roommates came home and found me blacked out in the kitchen, there was a small pool of blood around my forehead. One of them was panicking and had me in his arms and was shouting LEON! LEON! WAKE UP! LEON! OMG ARE YOU OKAY!? WHAT HAPPENED!? CAN YOU HEAR ME!? LEON!!! Meanwhile, he turns to his boyfriend while I’m slowly coming to as he’s shaking me and shouting one of my many nickname’s at me…and he tells his bf to call 911…which is when I snapped out of it (sort of) and used a Scully catchphrase and pushed myself off of my friend and held up an accusatory finger to his boyfriend and was like …quoting that artwork of Scully in the jacket that I love, saying in a very slurred voice “Stand aside! I’m a medical doctor!” Which…lmao. I started giggling. They didn’t get the reference coz they’re not Philes… But I managed to make them understand to please not call 911… That was the last time I blacked out that day…but it was for a solid 20 minutes and I had been blacking out and throwing up all day that day…experiencing both chronic AND optical migraines simultaneously… the clots were bigger than ever and I could feel the flesh being ripped from my uterine wall and slowly oozing out of my vagina. It was the worst feeling. They were almost as big as my fist at this point. And I was so lightheaded and experiencing so much vertigo…but I have been experiencing constant vertigo and lightheadedness since this virus hit me and since we started researching into it and looking into lupus and such.

SO I DO NOT KNOW IF THE BLACKING OUT IS ASSOCIATED AT ALL WITH THE PERIOD….OR IF THE PERIOD IS ASSOCIATED WITH THE LUPUS AND SUCH WHICH IS WHAT THE BLACKING OUT IS ASSOCIATED WITH…OR IF BLACKING OUT IS JUST SEPARATE….

And Idk if this period is a one time thing…or if I’m going to get it again…because, although it is nice to experience a “normal person” version of a period, it’s STILL HELL ON EARTH. It’s nice to know my life is not in danger from a normal body function…it’s still awful and my life is in danger via my psyche and how it affects me psychologically very close to the same as my normal period the first day or two days… Idk if I can overcome it and JUST hurt myself the next time I have it.

But it seems to have…stopped…now? Today?

If it happens again next month at the same level, I’m going in to my gyno to talk about other options or to see if there’s a way to get medicaid or the state to pay to get my uterus surgically removed. The state would have paid when I was 13…sigh. Idk if they will now…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To answer your question simply? Nexplanon is supposed to stop your period and ALL associated symptoms COMPLETELY. However, as you know, every person is different and everyone will react differently. I was bleeding and did get a “normal” level period for about 5-6 days that is not entirely gone, but the bleeding has stopped now. This did not happen the first 3+ years I had my first Nexplanon. But this could be attributed to a fuckton of things going on with me (that I explained above for this reason exactly), personally, and may not have anything to do with the Nexplanon itself. 

I hope that answers everything….Coz I put some thorough af work into all of that. Lmao. But if you (or anyone) needs clarification on anything or has any other questions, Nexplanon is kinda one of my maxed out skill trees that I know a whole bunch about, having had it for over 4 years already and am on my second one now. Lol. Feel free to shoot me an ask!

[edmdma.tumblr.com/ask]

Gonna attempt to tag for triggers coz this was sorta graphic if you’re not really into medical things. Tell if you’d like these kinda posts tagged with something specific.

[fauslayer]

Is your ability to ignore what's going on on one platform and when asked about that have the additional ability to direct them to your twitter is not a symptom of your white privilege? It's not easy to go out and protest, and the least you could be doing is boosting black voices everywhere that you're able. I don't intend to be harsh but the fact that when confronted with someone saying i don't feel you're doing what you can in this time your response is to direct them to your twitter is telling

i barely use this platform except to crosspost art i put on twitter and occasionally go through tags for shit. i think its telling that this is the engagement ive had with you

anon: i dont think youre doing anything! jim: heres where im doing things on a platform that is better for the current situation and that i have a better and more consistent following on anon: i think that be saying i dont think youre doing what you can and you replying with where youre doing what you can/not making other things youre doing a publicity stunt is really telling :\

shits more than a contest of who can share the most on a website. if i see information here that ive barely seen on a rare scroll (like the dog post; i havent seen any dog posts on twitter at all) ill reblog it, but im not going to be performative here so people like you will pat my head over it. this isnt a contest over who can be the best ally; its a fucking crisis. more shits happening on twitter, both with current events being posted and people Directly Involved with those current events (protests) seeing them. tumblr isnt the best platform for this, if you cant tell.

go sign some petitions. watch youtube videos that donate for you like im literally doing right now. you wanna see relevant shit? twitter. find something different to do than bother a jobless 16 year old over not doing shit in your direct line of sight and getting pissy when they say theyre actually doing things like a room over.