#ive got the movie open and playing along with me and im 30 minutes in so like. oh boy thisll be Fun

[spicler-man]

me: "alright so for this fic i need to know something that tony hates!"

me googling: tony stark hate

me:

[edith-is-a-cat]

okay so time to number them

have four small scars on my face

the coolest (aka the eyebrow scar) was from this type of toy piano

3. the one on my forehead is from a glass coffee table, specifically from me singing along to the sofia the first intro and went along with the dip she did, slashing my forehead open, on easter 4. The other two, by my eye and mouth are from a dog bite, and it's from none of my mother's dogs from my grandpa's dog on my father's side on his weekend (i tripped over the dog and somehow he blamed it on my mom?? I was like a literal inch away from getting a messed up eyes) 5. I have many small scars on my hands and i have no idea where they came from (for awhile i didn't even know they were scars) 6. I think i have emetophobia? though it only gets horrible when it's others 7. I cut bangs for myself when i was little 8. I had braces 9. I had a gap that I miss so damn much 10. My canines are smaller than average, my right one being the smaller 11. For awhile I though you lost nails like teeth.. (i lost both my thumbnails and they regrew and my left pointer. 12. I burnt my left pointer finger on a texas shaped waffle maker, now it's a bit sensitive to heat 13. I've picked up two wild birds randomly when i was younger 14. I have a super faded birthmark that is kinda in the shape of a heart 15. I have a stuffed animal that is as old as me and got left at a hotel one time and is so apart of me it's basically why i use it/it's pronouns 16. I went to private school up until freshman year when i had to move 17. I have never had a crush, have someone have a crush on me, or dated someone 18. My favorite top three movies are: howls moving castle, cinderella (live action 2015), the holdovers 19. I don't really have a favorite song but i do have a favorite album (how to be a human being by glass animals) 20. I have a laptop that will be turning 5 next school year 21. I name a lot of things: big as teddy bear: jerry (after one of my favorite characters (hes from tales from the gas station if you are curious), teddy bear i got when i was born: teddy, eevee build-a-bear: eeveelyn, sylveon build-a-bear: levi (yes after levi from obey me), my melody build-a-bear: len (yes after the vocaloid, my best friend has a matching kuromi thats named rin :3) 22. I had to play twst twice before i really got into it 23. Twst and utdr are the only fandoms ive really interacted with 24. One of my favorite books is small steps: the year I got polio i had to read it twice in school and i read it once or twice on my own 25. My favorite book series is tales from the gas station and i could recite the blog version from heart due to how many times i fell asleep to mrcreepypasta's reading of it (his voice is so literally perfect for the mc (aka jack) and i refuse to believe the voice of jack in the theatrical release is how jack canonically sounds) 26. I have house of leaves and i have tried to start reading it but i just was unable to comprehend for a hot minute so i'm waiting to have a LONGGGG plane ride of something similar to read it 27. My main name, edie, was inspired from what remains of edith finch. I also choose it so if someone were to call me it i could use the excuse it's a nickname since my initials are E.D. 28. The name kel is directly lifted from omori, jeff is also lifted from the creepypasta but thats because i was matching pfps with my friend and they were matching ben and jeff pfps and someone in a discord server im in didn't know my name so they just called me jeff and i really like that, moss is deltarune + a meme i think about sometimes 29. I thought i was outed once via tiktok 30. I was almost outed as queer on a road trip and my sibling's best friend yelled something about it when i was playing a game on my phone that had pride flags available (he was queer too and probably just didn't realize i wasn't out) 31. I am not out to my parents and plan to never be (but they probably already know im some form of gay and don't really care <<ref: "I don't care if it's a guy, a girl, or a sea bass">>)

hey... uhm thanks for reading? that was a lot and im genuinely surprised i wrote that all

cutely kicks my legs woukd u liek to hear fun facts about me :3

[crimeronan]

ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i���m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.  

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing.  and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do.  i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

-

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually.  i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

-

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love.  love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die.  love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive.  but maybe i wish i did.  spite doesn’t help me much there.  spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable.  there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me.  i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral.  that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless.  but it would be a lie of omission.  spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them.  cry on them.  support each other.  like each other.  fine.”  you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes.  i have people i love.  i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner.  i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone.  i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them.  i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival.  i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received.  (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this.  i’ve told them all this, they know.  they’re glad of it.)

so.  what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world.  it’s all the little connections i’ve made.  every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe.  hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away.  no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane.  partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn.  blue  light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs.  my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain.  right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting.  but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space.  it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there.  it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration.  rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years.  i have to start smaller.  i’m not used to keeping physical objects.  dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual.  but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken.  there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know.  i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch.  they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds.  there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone.  i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard.  we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway.  some seem to have sprouted by accident.  mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence.  the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment.  birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with.  we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky.  i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie.  i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get.  i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above.  i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom.  the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself.  in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall.  we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours.  the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth.  mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it.  slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites.  the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate.  of course we’d end up behind someone.  this isn’t divine intervention.  this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic.  if i want it to be.  

and it was.  it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing.  i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building.  and i can keep going.  i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here.  you get the picture.  love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

-

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise.  although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much.  probably some of them would enjoy my death.  i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike.  a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay.  because i’m bipolar.  because i’m autistic.  because i’m a dropout.  because i grew up poor.  because my spine curves and my shoulders ache.  because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right.  that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it.  mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now.  by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth.  i ask for what i want.  i use my time how i want.  i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation.  no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too.  everyone i love.  it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe.  the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included.  i never know if i’m feeling what other people do.  i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me.  i don’t touch it all the time.  but i don’t pretend it isn’t there.  it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes.  it presses at my throat.  it curdles in my stomach.  it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate.  it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile.  it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors.  i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir.  there are a thousand ways to describe this thing.  the descriptors aren’t important.  what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor.  this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.”  this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist.  it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop.  it wants what it wants, it does what it does.  possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me.  to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses.  it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it.  i cannot fight with myself.  i cannot beat my monster into submission.  if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger.  it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it.  can’t kill it.  can’t muzzle it.  can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.  

alright.  

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me.  can’t fix it.  will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric.  hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.  

so fuck that, i say. 

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.  

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.” 

 losing battle.  lost war.

 it’s not the monster’s fault.  the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears.  it exists to protect me through scorched earth.  a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury.  it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing.  my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect.  my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.  

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me.  but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes.  what it touches.  what it destroys.  what it burns.  where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person.  i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes.  i want to make the world better for kids like me.  i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born.  i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative.  i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles.  my cognizance slips.  i forget why i care.  i forget what i want.  i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.  

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now.  but it still happens.  it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead.  it’s been fighting them forever.  die like they want?  my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah.  our work isn’t done.  and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

-

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post.  i don’t know if anyone will read it all.  i don’t know if it’ll mean anything.  i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive.  and when i don’t, i love being a monster.  it’s good.  all of it is good.  i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces.  it’s not one or the other, love or spite.  it’s symbiosis.  i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots.  i can’t give them to you.  

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.  

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world. 

 i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system.  adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

[orange-waterfalls]

Sleeping Beauty

Darkiplier x Wilford Warfstache

@grey-b0y ty for the request!(im sorry it took so long lol)

A/N: ight so. first time doin a ship. literally the best thing ive ever written. may like to do more. uhhhh Dark being an overworked bastard. Wilford being the caring boyf that he would be. Disney movies. If you couldn't already tell. Uhhhhh finished this in an hour, re-read it, may actually be the best thing I've ever made I'm ngl. Dark may be a bit OOC, but that's just cause he's a lil bit tired. uhhhhh yeah. Enjoy!

Requests are open

--

Dark let out a quiet sigh as he opened the door to his and Wilford’s house. He threw his suit jacket to the side with absolutely no fucks to give about where it landed. He stumbled through the house until he eventually landed in his office, plopping down in his chair and leaning back with a groan.

He had so much work he still had left to do, and it was already 9:00. He was so, so, so very tired. The egos had been especially annoying that week, all having the stupidest comments during meetings and refusing to shut up once they got started. Dark had noticed Wilford gave him a “look” whenever he saw the entity annoyed or angry. He didn’t want Wilford to worry, so he always brushed it off. In hindsight, it might have been a good idea to let Wil help him. They were in a relationship, after all. People are supposed to help those that they love. Dark never gave Wil much of a chance to do that. He felt bad for it at times.

Dark rubbed the bridge of his nose and yawned. He shook his head and cracked his neck and flexed his hands, trying to make himself more awake. “Trying” being the keyword here. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out his laptop and computer mouse. He opened the laptop and opened a document of everything he was supposed to schedule, approve, and deny. He went through everything, the blue light illuminating his pale face, the bags under his eyes looking very prominent. Any person with eyesight and half a brain could see he was sleep-deprived and overworked.

He heard a noise come from somewhere in the house. He stopped clicking and raised his head a bit, trying to listen. Nothing else came. He shrugged lightly. He was probably just imagining things…

Probably…

Another noise. A THUMP. Louder this time. He took his hand away from the mouse and leaned back in his chair, watching the closed door of the office. He stared at it, waiting for another noise to show up.

The sound of shattered glass and Wilford cursing caused Dark to jump up out of his chair. He threw the door open and ran to the source of the noise.

“Wil!” He called as he stopped in the living room. The panicked look on his face died down into indifference and mild annoyance.

Wilford was laying on his back in the middle of the room, margarita glass in hand, with the window shattered and shards of glass surrounding him. He turned to Dark and smiled.

“Good evening, pumpkin!” He greeted joyfully. Dark exhaled deeply and walked over to Wilford. He had no problem with the glass because his shoes were still on. Wilford, apparently having some sort of supervision when it came to Dark, noticed this small fact. “Why do you have your shoes on? When did you get home?” Dark, ignoring the question, pulled Wilford to his feet.

“Where’s your key?” He asked, exasperated.

“Now, hold on. I asked you first. It’s not fair that I have to answer questions when you haven’t answered mine!” The reporter pouted. Dark rolled his eyes.

“Stuck in a meeting. Stuck in traffic. Got home a couple of minutes ago,” He sighed, “Where is your key, Wil?” Wilford looked around for a moment before his eyes landed on a clock. He let out an exaggerated gasp.

“Dark! It’s so late! You must be exhausted!” He said, cupping Dark’s face in his hands. He can’t help from melting into the touch of his favorite person.

“No, no, I’m fine, really,” Dark mumbled, obviously lying. Wilford frowned.

“Come along now, darling, you know you can’t lie to me,” He said, stepping a bit closer to him. He looked into Dark’s eyes while the entity avoided eye contact. Wilford huffed before his eyebrows raised and a smile formed on his lips. Dark noticed and furrowed his eyebrows

“What?” He asked, slightly worried. Wilford grabbed his hand and led him to their bedroom. Dark sighed.

“Wil, I don’t-” He was cut off by a T-shirt being thrown at his face. Dark, being extremely tired, didn’t process what had happened until he looked down and saw the shirt. He looked back up at Wilford, squinting a bit. Wilford had somehow already changed. He was wearing pink shorts and a white shirt with a rainbow on the front. Dark glanced down at the shirt and raised an eyebrow. Wilford cleared his throat.

“My eyes are up here, Darky-poo,” He teased. Dark would have blushed if he were less proud. Would have.

Dark rolled his eyes and picked up the shirt, ushering Wilford out. God knows how long into their relationship and Dark still refused to change in front of his boyfriend. Wilford shook his head and chuckled, heading into the kitchen.

--

He made two bowls of popcorn, knowing for a fact he would scarf down his in a matter of minutes. He walked into the living room. He heard creaking and looked back to see Dark walk in after him. The pale entity wore black boxers and the grey shirt that was thrown at him. Wilford smiled.

“What took so long, darling?” He asked sweetly. Dark scoffed at the third pet name that night.

“Resting my eyes,” he claimed. Wilford hummed, knowing it was a lie. He wouldn’t push it, though. Dark sighed. “What are we doing, Wil?”

“Watching Disney movies. Only the musicals, though,” Dark groaned.

“Wil-”

“Listen,” Wilford said, suddenly sounding serious. Dark closed his mouth. “I know you won’t listen to me when I tell you to rest. So, if you’re gonna stay awake, you might as well do something vaguely fun, right?” Dark smiled softly.

This person. This person loved him. This person cared about him more than anyone else did. And this person that cared about him was trying to help. Dark sighed, but not in an exasperated way. In an “I really can’t argue because a) I have nothing to argue and b) I kinda sorta really don’t wanna argue but I still wanna act like I do” kinda way. He shuffled his way over to the couch and plopped down next to Wilford, scooting as close to him as possible. Wilford grinned and settled himself.

“But do we have to do all of them?” Dark complained. Wilford stroked his mustache a bit.

“Well, no, but we gotta start somewhere.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you get to tell me which year to start from.”

“Last year.” That earned a small glare from Wilford. “Fine, fine… uh… 19...8...9?”

“The Little Mermaid it is!” Wilford said excitedly.

“Wait, you know all the years?”

“Of course I do! What do you think I am? Some sort of commoner?!” Dark slowly blinked at that wreck of a sentence and turned back to the TV screen. Wilford put an arm around Dark, who snuggled into the touch. Then, Wilford hit the play button on his remote.

--

Two movies later, Dark was out cold. They’d barely gotten through a third of “Newsies” before Wilford looked over and saw the entity sleeping. Wilford had been mindful enough to keep his singing voice to a minimum, and so Dark hadn’t woken up. Wilford wasn’t even sure how long he’d been asleep. When did he last look? Halfway through “Beauty and the Beast?” Aw, too bad. 30 more minutes and they would’ve started on “Aladdin”! Wilford shrugged and paused the film.

He gently shifted in his spot and lifted Dark into his arms. He slowly carried the “Sleeping Beauty”(shut up I’m funny) to their room. He gently laid Dark down on the bed, covering him with the blankets. Dark almost instantly cuddled into them. Wilford bit his lip as he stared down at his lover. Well, since they didn’t watch Sleeping Beauty…

Wilford gently leaned down and brushed a small curl out of Dark’s face. He gazed at his sleeping figure in admiration before leaning down further to connect their lips in a small kiss. Very small, more of a peck than a “kiss” kiss, but still. Dark slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times as Wilford pulled away.

“Aw, Dark,” Wilford whispered, “I woke you with true love’s kiss!”

“You woke me, period,” Dark grumbled but stretched out his arms, tempting Wilford to go to bed.

Wilford climbed in next to Dark, spooning him. He held his arms tight around his partner’s torso, burying his nose into the entity’s hair and inhaling deeply.

“What are you doing?” Dark almost chuckled. Wilford smiled.

“I like your smell…”

“Oh?” Dark twisted around to look at Wilford. “And what do I smell like?”

“Home…” Wilford answered with a lovestruck look on his face. He could’ve sworn he saw a blush before getting hit in the face with a pillow. He laughed as Dark turned back around.

“You are the cheesiest person in the galaxy,” Dark said. Wilford’s lips curled into a grin as he snuggled up behind Dark again.

“Maybe…” He answered. Both of them sighed contently. “I love you…”

“I love you too...” Dark mumbled, still very tired, “Goodnight, Wil.” Wilford smiled as he tightened his grip ever-so-slightly.

“Good night, Sleeping Beauty…”

[jaebaebie]

Why Us? Why Now? Why Ever?

In a post apocalyptic world where walkers took over the living, Era realised that she was different from every one else. Wanting to uncover the reasons to her differences, she embarked on a journey to the West where she met a few Strays,, including a man named Hwang Hyun Jin who, just like her, was cold, hot headed, and full of distrust. She thought they would never get along, but what happens when the two cold hearts start to melt?

STRAY KIDS ZOMBIE AU // WUWNWE MASTERLIST

Chapter 2 ~ “Stalker much?

prev // next

“FUCK!”

I knew I was doomed the minute my eyes landed on the walker through the slightest gap between the wooden planks. The corpse, with all its anger and glory, was now squeezing its way through the broken plank, clawing its arms towards me.

I shook the metal chains around my wrist, trying to break out of it. Luckily for me, Han was nice enough to tie the chains tightly, but loose enough for me to squeeze my hands through it. Painfully and forcefully

The walker grabbed hold of my ankle, dragging me towards it. My elbow grazed along the rough cement floor and I kicked it right in the jaw, sparing me more time to pull my hand out of the chains.

I yelled in pain as I pulled my hand out, not caring about the possible sprain I was causing my wrist to have. Heck, I didn’t even care about possibly dislocating it. The walker was waist deep into the attic, and the wooden planks were no longer going to hold. It was either my wrist or my neck and I would rather live with a dislocated wrist rather than die from the savage walker.

I kicked it once more just as my right hand finally got free, and I immediately stretched to grab the crowbar from the table across me. On cue, the wooden plank snapped in half and the walker launched itself towards me, snapping onto my face.

With my legs I pushed it away before lunging the crow bar in between its eyes. My stomach churned as its decaying smell filled my nose. I would have hurled if I was not trying to fight for my life against it. With my left hand freed, I pulled the crowbar for another hit, only to realise that it had stuck in the corpse’s skull.

I kicked it once more, scanning around for anything that I could use. Just above the walker was a sharp plank that had gotten loose upon its entry, allowing a new idea to enter my brain.

I panted, letting out a shriek as the walker attacked once again, barely missing my face. I pushed it back with both hands, feeling my hands sink into its meat. With the last ounce of strength, I pushed it back, driving its head through the sharp plank. I watched as its body went limp, and the sound of its spitty hiss silenced.

The door to the storage attic burst open, revealing three shocked men.

“Holy shit.” Han gasped.

That indeed. I let out shaky breaths, panting uncontrollably as I finally managed to take a break from the event that had just unfolded.

“Im. Still. Not. Bit.”

I tried to catch my breath but it only felt like my breath just got slower. Louder..? My body began to feel heavier with every breath I took and my vision clouded, causing the three guys that appeared in front of me to disappear.

And then nothing.

————————————————————-

I woke up to find myself in a bed. In a small, tiled room lined with shelves of medical supplies. It smelled similar to that of the hospitals I used to visit with my parents before the apocalypse. Like alcohol. I sat up, immediately feeling the ache shoot through my entire body. My arm and wrist were nicely wrapped in bandages and a needle with embedded in the back of my palm, allowing me to be attached to one of those IV drips I had only seen in movies. 

I immediately looked away, not liking how to needle looked in my skin and how it felt. I was always afraid of them. So much so that I refused to get injections when I was younger.

The door opened and two boys entered. The two of them brought something special with them. Like the mood in the solemn room immediately lightened the minute they stepped foot in it. I looked at them, noticing the bright cheeky smile on one of their faces, while the other boy had a much shyer smile.

“You’re awake!” Cheeky smile boy exclaimed, rushing to me, “I heard your name was Era from Han. My name is Jeongin. That ‘quiet’ boy over there is Seungmin.”

Slightly taken aback by his sudden friendliness, I flinched back, giving him a weird look which he immediately noticed and apologised for.

“In just one minute you managed to scare her already, Jeongin.” Seungmin shook his head, causing the other to pout, “We got you all stitched up and we cleaned the rest of your wounds. You’re lucky Hyunjin found you.”

I couldn’t help but let out a small scoff, is that what he’s been telling people? “Yeah, I sure am.” I replied, my sarcasm wasn’t left unnoticed.

“You’re IV drip is finished, so Jeongin can take you to eat. You must be starving.”

It was true. I was extremely hungry. Like Seungmin said, Jeongin walked me to the ‘cafeteria’ outside with his non stop cheerful talking. I had to admit, he was cute. As in baby brother cute as he was probably a year or two younger than me. As we walked the halls, Jeongin told me about how him and 8 others found the camp not long after the apocalypse hit. Ever since, they’ve been focusing on trying to establish a walker free zone and strengthening the barricades around the camp.

He stated that it was a great place to start with, especially since it was already equipped with separate rooms, bathrooms, infirmaries. The ‘cafeteria’ was placed outside, where the campfire was set to cook food. He pushed open the double doors of the school, allowing sunlight to hit my face. 

“Welcome to Camp Miroh, Era.”

Jeongin passed me a tray, before leading me to walk to a woman managing the pot at the bonfire. She appeared to be in her mid 30s, giving me a warm smile as she scooped my ration into my tray.

As we walked towards one of the tables, I realised that the camp mostly consisted of guys my age, elders and children. Children played with one another, oblivious to the terrors in the world around them while elders watched over them as they stitched or washed clothing. The teenagers were having their lunch, watching every move of mine as I walked with Jeong In. 

“Don’t mind them, we never find girls your age.” Jeongin explained, settling down on a table with a couple of boys, “Speaking of which, how old are you, Era?”

“19.”

“Oh cool, were the same age!” Another guy whom we sat on the same table with exclaimed. “I’m Felix, by the way.”

“You’re not very chatty, huh?” Jeongin asked, finally noticing my awkward short answers. It almost felt too overwhelming. I’ve been stuck alone for the past two months with nothing but walkers and deers which I’ve hunted, and now I’m surrounded with plenty of extroverted men who never ran out of conversation starters.

Felix nudged Jeongin at his side, shaking his head, “I think you’re just too chatty, Jeong In. Let her eat.”

Jeong In and Felix began talking more about the camp, which I didn’t mind. Turns out, Chan was the leader who ran the camp, while Han, Hyun Jin and a guy called Chang Bin were his ‘right’ hand men, the three would run the camp should Chan be absent. Though, Hyun Jin was mainly focussed in ensuring the safety of the camp through training men who were skilled in weapons.

Just as I scraped the last bit of my food off the plate, Han jogged towards us, the same smile I had seen on his face the day before,

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

I nodded, “Better.”.

“She’s not very chatty, Han.” Jeongin announced, earning a hit from Felix.

Han let out a low chuckle, glancing towards me with his head tilted, doubting Jeongin’s previous statement, “Really? I’m sure Hyunjin would think otherwise.”

I rolled my eyes, recalling the loud arguments that had occurred the day before. 

“Are you done? Chan wants to see you.”

I nodded, standing up as Jeongin and Felix waved to me.

I followed as Han led the way. Han gave off a different aura from the rest of the group. He was quiet, but friendly. It was comforting. Warm. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a while.

“I’m guessing Jeongin told you about our camp?” Han asked, attempting to start a conversation,

“And more..” I replied, earning a chuckle from Han.

“Yeah, he’s like that. He’s the youngest out of the 9 of us but he brings sunshine wherever he goes.”

I nodded, agreeing with Han’s statement. It was true, Jeongin’s charm was just too hard to ignore because he simply was able to lighten any of the darkest souls. Including mine, possibly.

“I’m really sorry for leaving you out there, Era.” Han apologised, the smile on his face being replace with a guilty frown, “We left you with a dog bite and you came back having been almost bitten by a walker, a sprained wrist, a grazed elbow and almost dying from excessive blood loss.”

I gave him a look, finding his rambles funny, “Stalker much?”

Han shrugged, brushing me off with a smile, “Nah. I did have time to examine you on our way back though.”

Right. How did I get back?

“Hyun Jin carried you all the way back,, kinda his punishment for being strongly against helping you.”

I let out a small chuckle, earning a bigger smile from him.

We reached Chan’s so called ‘office’-- A room with a small table and guns, flashlights, crossbows placed at another table stationed at the corner of the room. A large map was taped up to one of the walls, scribbled with many red and blue circles. My eyes landed on Hyun Jin, who was leaning against the Chan’s table with his arms crossed. The cut I left him was still visible on his cheek.

“We’re glad you’re okay, Era. I think we didn’t get to introduce ourselves properly.”

Hyunjin scoffed, muttering a soft, “I wonder why.”

“I’m Chan.” Chan said, ignoring Hyunjin’s unnecessary comment.

“Han.”

Hyunjin frowned when the two guys turned to him, awaiting for his own introduction. Han nudged him at his side, causing him to flinch, sighing, he finally introduced himself

“Hyunjin.” He greeted, clearly unamused with my appearance.

“Can you please be more cooperative now that we’ve saved your life?” Chan asked, a hint of firmness in his attempted soft voice.

“By saving, you mean saving my life only after putting it at risk? Sure.” I replied, catching the three of them off guard by my direct response.

“Okay about that, we’re really sorry. We really just couldn’t risk bringing you back. Locking you and tying you up.. we were just scared.”

I nodded, taking in my surroundings one more time. They had a big camp  established which served as a safe haven for many people of different ages. They had to take precautions. Be selfish. Finally, I was able to understand their mindset, “Its alright, I would’ve done the same.”

Chan smiled, “So, how’d you get this far?”

I sighed, tired at the same question being asked. Realising that I haven’t actually answered it, I finally gave in, “I don’t know.. I ran, hid. Just the normal shit.”

“You do know having her around is just gonna worsen our food situation right? She’s just another mouth to feed.” Hyun Jin commented.

“Does everything that comes out of your mouth always have to be shit?” I shot back, “Besides, you don’t have to be worry about that.”

Han straightened out, glancing from Chan and then turning back to me with his eyebrow raised as realisation dawned onto him,

“You’re not staying?” Han asked, eyes immediately widening with some kind of emotion I couldn’t decipher. Shock? Worry?

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t remember asking you guys to take me in.”

“But you really should. You’ll be safe here. We’ll protect you.” Chan explained, sending tingles down my spine as I recalled the last time I heard that sentence. 

The last time someone had claimed they’d protect me, I was thrown to the walkers after they took everything I owned. My gun. Food. Water. Everything. I was a vulnerable 17 year old who found ‘safe haven’ at the wrong place.

“No thanks. I don’t do people.”

Hyunjin cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes on me, “Why? Some boyfriend waiting for you at another base?”

I rolled my eyes, “I already said, I’m not with people. The last time I was with a group I was fed to a group of walkers.”.

Chan nodded, appearing distant and deep in thought. He wasn’t listening to me. 

“You’re good with the bow and arrow?” Chan asked, bringing up my bag onto his table. I sighed in relief, seeing that they didn’t leave it behind when they decided to lock me in a cabin.

“I guess. I’d be happy to just take that and go.”

“I’m guessing you can hunt.” Chan added, disregarding my eagerness to leave as he earned the attention of Han and Hyunjin,, as if a light bulb went off in their heads.

I raised my brows, observing the change in their attitudes. 

“You can’t?” I realised, “What have you guys been surviving on, then?”

“Non perishables.” Han answered, slumping against Chan’s desk as he sighed, “The camp came along with canned foods which lasted us about a year or so. But then we’ve been running short in supply despite our daily ‘supermarket’ visits.”

“..We’ve tried hunting but none of us are any good with it. It would be really great if you could help us, Era.” Chan continued.

I crossed my arms, stepping back to think about it. I had no intention of staying. I had to be somewhere else. Staying would mean having to work as a team, and I hated the fact that I would have to be fending for others other than myself. But they looked at me hopeful, and I knew that these guys were doing their best to help the others. I pictured the elderly and children who saw this place as their safe haven. These guys were thinking beyond themselves and what they needed.

“I don’t know. Having just another mouth to feed might be too much for you guys.” I remarked, clearly targeting the man who immediately avoided my gaze, “How about we chain you up in an attic and see in the morning?”

The guys sighed, almost in sync.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know you’d be this useful.” Hyunjin ‘apologised’, earning a smack from Han as I scoffed. “Keep talking and I’ll show you what useless is, asshole.”

I let out a breath, letting sympathy take over. One thing was obvious. All of them, including Hyunjin whom I thought was incapable of caring for others, had the same look in their eyes. Desperation. They knew they wouldn’t last with just canned foods, and they needed to learn how to hunt fast if they were to keep the camp alive to protect the people who lived in it.

“Fine. I’ll teach you how to hunt. Just promise me you don’t throw me to a hoard of walkers.”

[maternalcube]

i was tagged by @thespace-dragon !

Rules: List the first lines of your last ten published stories. Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Tag up to ten friends!

1.  Blackbird (superhero au klance)

"Hey, Popsicle!" Lance closes his eyes and turns with all the attitude he can muster (which is quite a bit). "Icicle. What?" He expects to find a grinning Pigeon, as usual, when he opens his eyes. He does find Pidge, but she's not grinning. 

2. The Sixth Planet (homestuck au klance)

causticTechnocrat [CT] began pestering groundedAviator [GA] CT: done causticTechnocrat [CT] sent file "thingy.exe" GA: That was fast. GA: Why are you up at 6:30 am? You didn't work on this all night, did you? CT: why are YOU up at 6:30 am huh keith CT: you dont know me GA: It's 7:30 here. CT: you dont know my life

3. you’re my home (canon divergence, klance again)

"You really like my hands, huh." Keith glances down at Lance's hand, which rests in his lap. He's been idly playing with it—lifting up each finger one by one to drop them back against his thigh, methodically curling and uncurling them—while he watches the movie they've put on in Lance's room. He probably does do this a lot—every movie night, really—but the question is new.

4. at the end of many worlds (reality-hopping keith, sheith)

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red. "Keith," she gasps, "she figured it out. She killed everyone." And then she collapses.

5. The Pining-Plant (hanahaki, plance)

Pidge hops out of her lion and drops easily to the jungle floor. Her mission is simple: get to the terminal, download the data, walk back out of the jungle. Easy. This is probably why, even with nothing better to do, the only one keeping her company on the comms is Lance. "I'm heading in," she informs him, just for the hell of it. "Don't die," he says, and she rolls her eyes even though he can't see them.

6. string theory (modern au katt)

"I'm HOME!" Matt hollers down the apartment's empty hall. "Yo!" comes a muffled shout from somewhere within. Well, that's one roommate accounted for. "Hey." And there's the other--Katie pops her head out of the kitchen. "I've got some good news for you."

7. along that wilderness of glass (i dont even know how to describe this. katt)

“Never took you for someone who’d believe in ancient curses,” Matt comments as he leads the way down into the temple’s anteroom. The temple has long since been buried; they’re climbing down through its collapsed ceiling. “Never took you for someone who’d join a monastery,” Keith retorts, eyeing Matt’s robes and sandals. He’d really rather not be here, but Matt had sent him a letter asking him to come, and it had been so long since he’d heard from him. He never could resist an invitation from Matt, and anyway–someone had to keep him out of trouble. Or at least, not let him get into trouble alone.

8. Window of Opportunity (time loop, sheith)

Lance isn't sure what just happened, but he is pretty sure it's Keith's fault. One minute, they're out in space, Lance in the red lion and Keith in his dinky little stolen galra fighter. Keith is yelling about some big cannon thing aimed at the both of them, but there are too many ships around, they can't get clear—maybe Keith could, his ship is small enough to slip away—and Red is pretty fast, but there are too many ships—and then there's a flash of light. The next minute, they're inexplicably back on the castle, in the hangar. Keith's in his Marmora armor but Lance is in street clothes, like that whole battle didn't happen at all.

9. homecoming (team voltron goes home, pre-s7, gen)

He's wanted this for a long time, Matt reminds himself, as the shuttle touches down on Earth. He's wanted this landscape, the familiar desert around the Garrison, the clear blue sky, the wind and scent of home. He's been waiting years for this moment. He's wanted this for a long time, so why, as his boot makes its mark in the sand, does he feel like turning back?

10. Feet on the Ground (keith and lance are brothers, gen)

As long as Lance can remember, Keith has been there. They're not brothers by blood, but that's never mattered. The other halves of their birth parents, Lance's father and Keith's mother, they've never mattered. They're family either way. And yeah, Keith always seems more at home out in the desert while Lance doesn't mind the noise of the town, but that doesn't mean anything. If it's something picked up in infanthood, he doesn't remember; the earliest thing he can remember is their first day of preschool together, and he was crying so hard at being left behind but Keith came and held his hand and they stuck together like glue all day, and he felt better.

i think i was told once never to start a story with dialogue. I THINK IVE BEEN DOING IT ANYWAY OUT OF UNCONSCIOUS SPITE??

im tag @tfwnoshiro @vicecommanderhijikata uhhhh wow im blanking on anyone else sry. do it if u want to.

[straydays7-blog]

My Day6inNYC Experience!

EDIT: I typed this up in word and pasted it into Tumblr. Tumblr kinda make some things look a little weird so excuse that please.

This is super late coming but as soon as I left NYC I had to cram for a ton of exams and now that most of those are over I can take the time to talk about my experience seeing Day6 perform live and even hi-touching them;;;; This post might be a little bit all over the place, but I cant help but to feel SO MANY FEELINGS when I think about this okay. Its still so surreal I cant believe it actually happened it felt like a really good dream okay. Also, I wish my English were better to express myself here I have so many emotions I wish to express but honestly, I dont know how Id even describe these feelings in any other languages I know SO ILL TRY MY BEST WITH ENGLISH. Also, fair warning, thisll probably be really long so prepare yourself.

Okay, first things first. I arrived like 30 mins early to pick up my P2 wristband and apparently had I been a little earlier I could have seen day6 enter the Town Hall! Somehow, even though I was not the first that arrived at the venue to pick up my wristband, I did end up being first in the P2 line. And lord behold. Someone opened the backstage door. Then and there, I caught a glimpse of Sungjin, playing his guitar singing his part in the You Were Beautiful chorus. EVERYONE AROUND ME STARTED SCREAMING LOL. I was in such shock. Sungjin is so beautiful (in present tense) and has one of the best voices Ive ever heard okay. I dont think I really realized until then I was going to see Day6, like the band that inspires me to work hard every day and makes me so happy. Even though I had bought the ticket and everything that brought me to NYC, it felt surreal and then I knew it was R E A L. Theyre real and I was about to watch them perform live and even meet them afterwards like what the heck? After getting my wristband, I picked up a fanproject banner that would later be used to move day6 to tears:) These boys are so wholesome.

I went back to my hotel for a while after that because it was rainy and windy so walking around didnt sound so nice. Around 5:30 I left to get a bite to eat and then head back to the venue. Ended up getting a burger at Five Guys (and okay totally off topic from seeing Day6, but the Five Guys burger I had in NYC was so much better than any Ive had here in VA? Or maybe excitement makes stuff taste better.) I arrived at the venue at like 6:00 and the line was already pretty long! There were some My Days handing out photocards and I bought a Sungjin badge from one girl. (This experience is gonna make me sound so Sungjin biased but omg my bias is definitely Young K)

Once I was in the Town Hall I decided to buy a lightstick to cheer for the band! Id already ordered some of the other merch from the Subkulture Shop, because I was literally only traveling with one backpack and didnt want to buy more than I could fit in to take back home.

I had no idea on which side my seat would be, I only knew I would be 12 rows away from the stage. So, when I found my seat I was beyond happy to see I was on Young K and Wonpils side of the stage omg. With a really clear view of the both of them also! All the MyDays there were so sweet man, I had a great time talking with some while waiting for the concert to begin. Though I do honestly really wish that @mikulinneamew or @reading-river would have been there with me. Day6s instruments were already set on the stage and oh my goodness I fell in love with Sungjins Gibson Les Paul. Its white body with the black pickguard and golden hardware is SO BEAUTIFUL. Makes me want to go out and buy a Les Paul just like it, but going to this concert I used money I was originally saving for a new Fender P-Bass (That aint happening for a while now lol) but I am so not complaining. Sungjins Martin acoustic is also really beautiful, but I still prefer Taylors. Young Ks bass is also super pretty. Really, I was drooling over these instruments while waiting for the concert to begin.

Its two minutes before the concert was set to begin and everyone is already chanting “DAY6! DAY6! DAY6! DAY6!”. Shortly after the lights went dark and the screen behind the stage started to play a video introducing the members (And can I say I love how so many of their songs were mashed up perfectly in that video like wow Id love the audio of just that)! One by one then the members came on stage. First Dowoon, then Wonpil, followed by Young K, Jae and last but not least, leader Sungjin! While the video was finishing playing I could see Young K getting his bass tuned and ready to perform. I started tearing up here already because they were right in front of me? Unreal, but yet so real.

And then, the first song was: I WAIT! One of my favorite songs already ;; (what am I saying, all of their songs are my favorites) Such a high energy song for the first one. It was perfect to get the crowd hyped and pumped for what was to come! Then there was me crying of happiness and singing along though omg. DAY6 IS SO COOL PERFORMING. Sungjin and Jae rocking out on their guitars, Young K thumping on the Bass, Wonpil playing the Synth and Dowoon rocking the drums! I loved how connected the audience was with the band too like out of all the live performances from bands Ive seen, this one was definitely the one with the most chemistry with the audience and music! All of the “I WAIT!” chants were so nice to hear with the music aaaa. THE SONG ENDED SO FAST. All songs went by so quick really, but hey that just means youre having a great time.

The second song was: HUNT! I was NOT prepared for this song so early on in the show already. If I had to summarize this performance in two words: Younghyuns rap (I love it so much). I really love the guitar riffs in this song so I payed a lot of attention to Jae and Sungjin at first but man, as soon as it was rapping time my eyes were focused on Young K. His rapping timbre is soooOOO darn good. And hes such a good performer too when he does it. HE FEELS EVERY WORD HE SAYS. Hunt is such a good song. I loved it. So much.

After the first two songs, lights went back on for a moment and Jae hyped up the audience! Young K shook his head the first time everyone made noise at Jaes request, but the second time Jae asked us to make some noise BOY THAT WAS GOOD VOLUME MYDAYS HAVE GREAT LUNGS.

That was followed by: IM SERIOUS! This song is so fluffy and catchy Im pretty sure everyone was singing along in the “I cant stop loving you” part. I mean, how could anyone stop loving day6 theyre so wholesome and talented and KIND AND SWEET. Wow. Its SO FUN to watch Sungjin play his acoustic guitar he was smiling the whole time. Everyone was smiling during that performance EVEN DOWOON HE WAS SO CUTE. Its such a sweet song how can you not smile playing it or listening to it. During the acapella part Young K was shooting finger hearts and did an AMAZING adlib. I was m e l t i n g. Turning me into a puddle.

The next song was: MAN IN A MOVIE! I REALLY LOVE THIS SONG A LOT. Another really soft and fluffy song, but soOOO musically interesting. Day6 is one of the few groups that not only produces earcandy, but earcandy that is also thinking candy for people who enjoy music theory (a n d I d o) This is the only day6 song Ive actually written out a fingerstyle ukulele arrangement for (totally weird instrument choice, but Im working on rewriting it for guitar LOL). Im EXTREMELY fond of everyones vocals on this song. Especially Sungjins and Young Ks :)

After this song it was game and Q&A time! I cant remember if the preference game or Q&A was first so Im just going to talk about the preference game first.

Firstly though, all the members introduced themselves. They all looked so happy that it made me even happier LOL. For the preference game, all of the audience had to stand up and participate in a game with day6! It was so fun! First up the audience had to guess which one Jae like more, by either raising their left or right arm: The statue of liberty or Brooklyn bridge. The right answer was Brooklyn bridge and the majority of the audience (including me) had guessed it right! The MyDays who guessed wrong, had to take their seat again. Second was Bob (Sungjin). I guessed his wrong already! >3< The question was if he preferred playing Overwatch or Fifa. The correct answer was Fifa. Sadly, most people had guessed this one wrong. Next was Dowoon. We had to guess if he prefers skirts or jeans on girls LOL. His answer was jeans but it got too loud that I couldnt quite hear his reasoning. Then was Young K. Does he prefer sneakers or high heels? His answer was sneakers, because high heels are very uncomfortable (he said hes even tried them on before what a cutie). Wonpil had the most far fetched question in my opinion it was kinda funny! The audience had to guess if he likes Ariel or Snow White more. His answer was Snow White because he feels more sorry for her. Lastly was a question that would decide the faith of a lot of Jae stans hair LOL. Does he like long hair or short hair better on girls? His answer was short hair, because it makes them seem more confident. After all of those guesses only four lucky MyDays out of about 1500 were left standing! They got invited onto the stage and got a bag full of (signed!) tour merch gifted to them by Day6! It was so sweet and kind that the winners even received such a gift from Day6 themselves!

MOVING ON TO THE Q&A! Before they picked their questions to answer, Sungjin said “This! Is! Paradise!” and Dowoon sang the “Oh you are My Daaay” part of their song MY DAY to the NYC MyDays. Wonpil went first to pick his question. While each member would choose their question, the audience would sing the jeopardy theme song. It was hilarious. He chose the question: “Where did your interest in music come from?” Right when he was about to answer the question someone in the audience screamed “I LOVE YOU YOUNG K” but Young K shut her down so fast saying “Its Wonpil time!” Wonpil was flustered for a sec but then resumed to answer his question and said that he listened to a lot of hip hop when he was young and that got him interested. Next up was Young K! He chose the question: “What was the funniest moment in your life?”. He began to say that since Chuseok hes been eating more. And his most funny moment was before he came onto the stage. Apparently his pants didnt fit him anymore and he had to expand them a bit! The way he told this story was utterly hilarious and cute I can highly recommend finding a fancam of this moment omg. After him was Dowoon. His question was: “If you could have a superpower what would it be?” He said he wishes he could talk to animals. When he was in college he had a pet cat which he neglected and now he feels bad for that. He said if he could only communicate with one kind of animal though it would be bear LOL. Sungjin started imitating a bear after that and it was so hilarious omg he puffed himself up and was clawing at him. Next was Sungjin! He was lowkey dancing along to the jeopardy theme omg. His question was: “What is the hardest thing you have ever done?”. He said working towards Day6s debut was the hardest time in his life ;; He shouted out collapsedone who helped them a lot towards their debut and he was actually at the concert right there ;; Jae was the last one to get a question. He chose: “What inspired you to pursue music?”. He said he was getting into a bunch of Youtube musicians and thought he should try it out too. He met Wong Fu Productions Phil who also further inspired him to pursue music. And so Yellowpostitman was born. That concluded the Q&A! Day6 left the stage for a quick moment while the NYC Vlog-like video they made for the tour started playing. This time it was Wonpils cut! It showed the boys having fun at times square (someone in the audience screamed I SEE MYSELF and everyone laughed it was so funny) and Wonpil loosing his phone while dancing on the street LOL. I really love this vlog concept they had to play during intermission its so sweet of them.

Once the vlog was over they came back on stage and started to perform You Were Beautiful. THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL. Its one of the first songs of theirs I heard that got me into them ;; I was tearing up during this whole performance its such a heartfelt song and you could truly feel the emotions of the song being conveyed in their performance. They all sing it so softly yet powerfully. I really love Young Ks vocal parts in this song and his voice was so stable too (everyones was really) aaa ;;

The next song they performed was their debut song CONGRATULATIONS! Everyone in the audience had received a red sticker to cover their phone flashlight with during this song to create a red ocean. I wasnt in a good seat so see if it was a success or not but the lighting definitely seemed more red :) Everyone was singing along to EVERY BIT of this song it was fantastic. I love this song so much aaa. Young Ks rap makes me feel so many FEELINGS. This song was over way too quick I wish itd last forever.

After Congratulations Jae was saying that the last two songs are coming now and everyone was getting a LIL SAD that the night was coming to an end soon. (Jae didnt count the encore though ;D) Jae also took a moment to tell everyone that they should follow their dreams and not let anyone tell them that they cant make it. Even when it seems impossible to make it to your dreams he believes that we can make the jump and achieve them ;; Hearing those words from him made me a sobbing mess. For a few reasons I think. Even just seeing them perform live was a dream come true. Being in NYC (if even just for two days) was a dream come true. Its a city Id been dreaming of seeing someday since I was a little kid. Probably because music as a career has almost always been my dream. And NYC is one of the worlds music capitals. I used to want to become a concert pianist. Then I wanted to become a music teacher. Right now Im leaning more towards songwriting, production and playing guitar LOL. But as someone whos in the position where I need to decide what I want to do with my future relatively soon, Jaes words helped me so much.

Their next song was LETTING GO! And oh my goodness. I was not prepared for those buttery sweet harmonies in the beginning. I was thinking so much about what Jae had said before during this performance so Im a little blank on what special happened during this performance but I totally remember it being mesmerizing;;

Their last song before encore was I SMILE! The fanchants on this one were so strong! Everyone held their banner up which read “My Day6 which I thought I only met in my dreams is right in front of me”. I could see Young K tear up when he read it. It was so sweet :) I do wish that Wonpils synth had been a tiny bit louder because he has that cool solo part in it, but I could hardly hear it. But the whole performance was so overwhelmingly beautiful that I was crying.

After performing I SMILE they left the stage and everyone started chanting “DAY6! DAY6!” again. Shortly after they came back on stage and THEY PERFORMED DANCE DANCE. This song is so upbeat and happy and makes you forget all the stress so much I love it to bits. I absolutely love Jaes guitar part in this song too so I tried to focus on him until Brians rap distracted me AGAIN (rapper K is my weakness okay). The entire performance was so high energy it was perfect buildup to the next song they performed which was also their last performance for the night. FREE하게! This is my go-to song for escaping from the stress of life and simply basking in how powerful music truly is. So, hearing it live, as the encore really touched me (and I cried more). I felt so many emotions go through me during this performance. It felt like a reminder of why I love music so much, which sometimes is well needed. Its so energetic and uplifting. My highlight of this performance: …Young Ks rap (wow surprise surprise). Also Sungjins high note! And Jae jumping into the crowd and hyping us up even more! (If Jae tells you to jump, you have to jump.) This performance was a perfect end for the concert. I really didnt want it to end though.

After this performance Day6 bowed and thanked the audience. I dont know where to begin describing how I felt after that. I still had the high touch left but the main event was over. I felt (still feel and always will) so extremely blessed to have been able to experience that. Theyre such a wholesome, hardworking and admirable band. I felt such extreme happiness.

The night was nearly over, but the hi-touch was still left for those who had purchased a P2 ticket! Id never done a hi-touch before, so I didnt know what to expect. I only knew itd go by super quick. What I did NOT expect however, is to walk around a corner and BAM there standing is Young K, Mr. Brian Kang, THE KANG YOUNGHYUN, BASSIST RAPPER GODLY VOCALS FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENT BUT ALSO FULL TIME BANDMEMBER HE WORKS SO HARD OK. It is a lot to take in when you see your ultimate bias being the first in line for the hi-touch. My first thought was how pretty his NOSE is. Like dang, boys got the finest nose Ive ever seen. My second thought was how intimidating he seemed though omg. But as soon as it was my turn for a brief second with him it seemed like he was glowing and flowers were blooming around him? Hes got the sweetest smile and eyes. Instead of high fiving him I held onto his hand for a second and all I could say was “I love you so much” I WAS IN SUCH AWE. He gave my hand a bit of a squeeze and said he loves me back. SUCH A NICE MAN IM CRYING.   Then it was already time to move on though and next was Dowoon! My mind was completely blank from Young K being first (I was hoping hed be last for this reason LOL) I also grabbed onto Dowoons hand for a moment and I mustve not said anything at first, because he was like “Thank you!” first (his Korean accent is adorable) so I said thank you back to him and he then gave a teeny bow like how polite omg. Thats all I had with Dowoon though (Wish I could have said more I wanted to tell him how cool he is!) But next was Jae. First impression: Hes so TALL. Second impression: Hes so NICE. I think Jae made it a thing to keep eye contact with his fans for as much as he could. I told him “Thank you so much Jae” because man especially his speech about following dreams hit me hard as I had mentioned before. Hes honestly the member I was most thankful for that night (Im thankful for them all though please dont misunderstand!) I would have hugged him if I could. His face is so pretty up close too, how can someone manage to look handsome but like a personification of Chicken Little at the same time? Jae can. Next was Wonpil! And I must say I was taken a back a little like “Who is this man?” HE LOOKS SO DIFFERENT IN REAL LIFE. In a good way of course! I held onto his hand for a moment and said “Thanks Wonpil” he nodded and had such a smug look on his face like omg. SUNGJIN WAS NEXT AND BOY THIS WAS MY FAVORITE ENCOUNTER. He was already like pulling his arm back to give a really hard high five so I was BRACING myself, because it looked like it might be painful omg. Hes the only member I actually high fived whoops. BUT his high five was so happy and so energetic! Yet it was aggressively soft? It was definitely a hard high five but it didnt hurt at all LOL. He was like “Ah yeah!” after that and I thanked him for the great show. Then the hi-touch was over for me. Even though I wish I could have had a little more time with them, I was so thankful to have had the experience in the first place.

IN CONCLUSION: This was the best night of my life so far. This definitely is not going to be the last time I see them live. If they come back to NA while Im still here you can count on me doing my best to get that P1 or P2 ticket. They better come to Europe someday too! For their next tour if it works out I might even try to go to more than one of their concerts. I was trying to go to the Toronto concert for this tour too, but my exam schedule wouldnt allow that. But I am so blessed that NYC happened. I will also definitely plan any trip to Asia around their concert schedule!

Tl;dr: I love day6 so much. See them live someday plz. Tell Brian I love him plz.

[3inghao]

HI ITS CRUSH ANON AND A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED BUT IM SO CONFUSED NOW ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY ANYWAYS !!! so first of all his mom was in town and so she met all of us and then she invited us to dinner (on her !! holy) and only me and another girl could go so it was the four of us LOL and btw his mom is like the best woman in the whole world besides my actual mom LMAOOO shes so nice and generous and smart and young and (1/10)

she would tell us stories about when x was little and she was like yeah hes always been super sweet and he helps take care of his two little brothers and i had him when i was still in undergrad but hes been so responsible and such an old soul that ive been able to finish undergrad and grad and open up my own law firm and like HONESTLY SHES SUCH A BOSS AND I LOVE HER SM but also what ?? a ?? man !!!! LMAOOO like o m g (2/10)

and then yesterday we went to this halloween party really far away but before that we all met in our dorm room to pregame and he got preeettty drunk ,,, but when we actually got there and lined up outside the party he started to like tease me and play around and was super touchy etc and so he like pulled me into hugs and just like did random skinship and i was freaking out but i had to make it seem like i wasnt freaking out bc everyone else was there LMAO (3/10)

and so we finally get inside and theres deafening music and lights etc u get the idea and its so chaotic that we all kinda get separated ,, i was with our other guy friend, and x and the rest of our group (there were like 8 or 9 of us) all got pretty split apart and so we just like danced for maybe like 30 minutes but then one of my roommates grabs me all of a sudden and starts dragging me towards the back of the warehouse near the exit but i didnt want to leave my guy friend alone (4/10)

so i like seize his arm and start dragging him along but then things get mixed up so that my roommate is grabbing my guy friend and hes grabbing her and suddenly im holding like no one ?? LMAO but its kinda chaotic so i start to get a little separated from them and im like fuck how am i gonna find everyone ,, and then !!! i see x bc hes taller than the people around him lol and hes looking for someone/something but then we make eye contact and he starts making his way towards me (5/10)and then i grab his arm (like near his wrist but not his actual wrist) which is what i was doing with my roommate and guy friend ,,,, but then his hand MOVES !!!! AND HE MOVES HIS HAND INTO MINE AND WE ARE HOLDING HANDS LDSAKGJLKSDAHGAKL LIKE FINGERS INTERLOCKED AND EVERYTHING AND WE MAKE OUR WAY THROUGH THE CROWD HIM LEADING ME AND HOLDING HANDS WITH ME AND IM LITERALLY FUCKING SHRIEKING INSIDE MY HEAD AT THIS POINT LMAOOO (6/10)

BUT I LOOK BACK INTO THE CROWD TO SEE IF WE STILL NEED TO COLLECT ANYONE WE KNOW AND MY GRIP KINDA LOOSENS IN HIS BECAUSE IM TWISTED AROUND ON MY TIPTOES LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WE KNOW AND THEN !!!!! AND THEN HIS FINGERS FUCKING TIGHTEN AROUND MINE AND IM THINKING LIKE ALSKDGHLDKSGHALDKSHGLKA AND ALSO FUCK MY HAND IS SO SWEATY LMAOOOOO BUT YEAH SO WE GET TO THE EXIT AND ALL THE GIRLS ARE LIKE WE ARE LEAVING IMMEDIATELY (7/10)

AND SO IN THE CONFUSION ALL THE GIRLS LEAVE BUT X AND OUR OTHER GUY FRIEND ARE STILL INSIDE and they text like “hey wtf why did yall leave” and the girls were like ‘we were groped what the fuck this place is too shitty’ and i was getting kinda overwhelmed too so i was glad we left but the guys were like ‘what we were having a lot of fun’ and we were like ,,,, figures the guys arent being harassed but it was honestly whatever and the whole way home i was literally !!!!! dying (8/10)

and then today i went over to his room with two other of our girl friends and we had so much fun just hanging out and we watched lilo and stitch which was a super emotional movie for him bc at dinner his mom mentioned his father passed away 3 (?) years ago which is sldkghlksdhglk :’((( but yeah i think it had something to do with that and he was like tearing up so i hugged and comforted him and ahhHHHhhhH i was so sad and s o f t for this boy and (9/10)ahhhhh the thing is like the more i hang out with him the more i get confused ??? not about my own feelings bc god knows im absolutely head over heels at this point but im super confused about his feelings for me ??? bc sometimes i feel like he will treat me with distance and more like a friend but other times i feel like theres something ,,,,, more going on ???? dare i say ??? sldkghsdkghg idk im just really confused and upset and happy and emotional all at once ??? ahhhh slkghaksghl (10/10)

ISTG THAT BOY LIKES YOU even if he might give mixed feelings sometimes maybe he’s still trying to decide if he wants to risk his friendship with you to be something more but the fact that he FRICKEN GRABBED YOU HAND I SHRIEKED OMG that is like the cutest thing i’ve ever heard in my life even if it happened at a gross sweaty college party lol so cute dude u gotta keep holdin onto this boy he a keeper and ayyy look it didn’t take me two weeks to respond lol

[sealnarcisa]

Kyle Woodward’s final blog post from Southern Africa. My visa issue finally got resolved, albeit with quite a lot of effort and frustration on my part. Unfortunately they couldn't swap my business visa for a tourist visa while in the country and the only way to fix it was to leave the country and come back in. Luckily Zimbabwe is just a 10 minutes drive to the border. It also just happens that the Zambia/Zimbabwe border is right at Victoria Falls. The border bridge is a tourist attraction, where people zip-line across the gorge and bungee jump off the bridge. Walking across the bridge with Victoria Falls as a backdrop was an unexpexted and surreal moment, and i made sure to take my time walking across both ways. It was a much needed stress reliever. The Falls are so close to you as you walk toward the Zimbabwe border post that the mist creates a perpetual light rain. Having not seen or felt rain in 2 months I was very confused at first. Since i got my necessary tasks done on Friday, I decided to go see the Falls properly all day on Saturday. I was going to be a tourist for a day, so exciting! On Saturday I had a relaxing morning and got a shuttle to the Victoria Falls Park entrance. I met another friend from the same hostel, and we hiked all the trails together. The Knife's Edge trail leads you out on a narrow peice of land thats been carved away by the Falls over time. It's the closest you can get to the Falls, and when you get out onto the edge you are completely soaked in a matter of seconds. Its like walking into a category 1 hurricane: the force of the water falling into the gorge creates a powerful uplift of air that shoots the trailing mist straight back to the top of the gorge, creating a barrage of wind and rain. There is no escape, and we willingly walked out to meet it in our bare feet and cheap ponchos. It is one of the best 20 bucks ive ever spent, and somehow my passport didn't even get wet. On our way down a separate trail to the bottom of the gorge, we were ambushed by a massive male baboon. We learned quite quickly that its not wise to carry food or drinks out in the open in this park because of these guys. We dropped our bottles of soda in order to avoid being mauled. It was actually terrifying in the moment but we laughed about it later. It was pretty funny watching this baboon open our soda bottles, dump out a ton of orange Fanta and sit there slurping it off the ground. On Sunday I went to the bus station at noon to catch my bus back to Sesheke, only to find out that the 12:00 bus i had purchased a seat on had left at 10:30 just because it got there early. It was another lesson in how things work out here: Disorder and unreliable public services create enough inevitable inconveniences in day to day life that society has adapted in order to provide quick and easy solutions. One of the bus company managers immediately took my money back from the attendant and drove me in his own car to the outskirts of town where a bunch of vans wait all day to give rides at the same or cheaper rate. He paid the van driver my bus money, I hopped in, and within a half hour we were on the way to Sesheke. We even got there right around the same time my bus would have. I met up with Michael and one of our enumerators in the afternoon and we drove back up to Sioma District for the night. The next day we drove the 1.5 hour journey into the bush to Makande. The drive seems to take forever as we creep along through a narrow sandy track, dodging trees and trying not to get stuck. Even with a 4wd truck it's not easy to get to by any means, yet people live here the same way as those right on the tar road in Lusu, Kaale, and Kalobolelwa. It's a remarkable thing seeing these communities operate with little to no outside aid. The idea that one can create and maintain their entire livelihood from the surrounding natural resources is so foreign to me, as I presume it is for many other 'Westerners'. Your health (ability to perform manual labor) and work ethic (determination to do so) hold greatest weight in village life. Lin, Michael, and I split our enumerators into teams of 2 for the first day of household surveys, then the second day Lin and I finished the rest of the surveys and did reference samples while Michael worked on resource area mapping. It went by so quick that I found myself scrambling on the last day to take a few pictures to remember this experience by. My pictures are mediocre at best, but Im pretty sure I won't ever forget this. Our last night camping in Makande was so fun. We ended the month of work talking, joking, singing, and dancing around our campfire, trading ideas, experiences, and standing on common ground. We also chased this weird goat around that kept walking into our camp. It was the funniest thing ever. No matter how far we chased it away from our camp, it would eventually wander back and stand there just staring at us. If they make another Disney movie based in Africa (shout out Lion King), this goat needs to be the typecast dumb animal comic relief character. The long weekend was spent back in our home sweet home, Sesheke. Michael needed to finish resource area mapping in Lusu, and Lin and i decided to collect more reference samples in Kalobolelwa, so we decided to set up at our usual campground in town. We took one of our enumerators along who wants to study environmental science, and he absorbed all the vegetation and GPS stuff like a sponge. It was a really fun day just walking around, seeing different landscapes, and talking about plants. Since we were officially done with the Zambia field season by the end of that day, we got to be lazy the next day in Sesheke. We walked around the market, bought some food and gifts, learned how to play Zambian rules Checkers, and had a good dinner in town. This past Sunday turned out to be a really special day, and may turn out to be one of the most important for future research pursuits in Zambia. Henry from DNPW allowed us to come along with him into Sioma-Ngwezi NP, where they are working on re-introducing wildlife the next 4 years. They created a fenced-in 100 hectare enclosure for the animals which they use to acclimate them before releasing them into the park. They had about 180 impala and 32 buffalo that they transported there a few weeks ago, and we got to come along on their weekly check up. We got to stand in their pickup truck bed as we patrolled inside the fence perimeter, trying to spot and count all the buffalo and impala. Michael and I came up with another research idea pretty organically as we chatted about the wildlife re-introduction process and the ways they currently monitor wildlife numbers in the park. The folks at DNPW and WWF sound quite keen to begin some research collaboration this coming year with us, and I'm glad Michael and I prioritized time to build those relationships. On Monday we said goodbye to Lin as she headed back to Botswana, then Michael and I drove to Livingstone. Having been in Livingstone last weekend, I already knew what it was like, so it was really great seeing Michael be totally blown away by all the city people, restaurants, shops, and 2 story buildings. We had fun wandering around, getting lost, and eating a ton of really good food. We have a special place in our hearts for Sesheke, but it is by no means a city. The fact that Sesheke ever felt like a city to us speaks to how much time we have spent in remote areas of rural Zambia. We felt like the Zambian village children this time, amazed to see so many white people in one place. I'm writing this on my flight back home and reflecting on all of the new and unique experiences I've had these past two months: flying drones in the Chobe river floodplain in Botswana, digging ourselves out of the sand more times than i can count, being immersed in village life and the language, playing sports with village children in Kapau and Makande, crossing international borders on my own, learning to drive stick in Zambia, and many others. They've all offered an opportunity to learn, challenge my own paradigms, and grow into a more worldly and introspective person. Southern Africa has given me so much, and I am eager to give back in any way an academic researcher can. I am so grateful to Dr. Pricope and all of the KAZAVA collaborators for supporting me and allowing me into their network. Michael gets a special shout out; we started out as two unacquainted grad students working on the same project, but by experiencing all the challenges and joys of a productive field season, we became both an unstoppable duo and great friends. I'm excited to pursue some of the research ideas we have developed in Zambia together. Lastly, for anyone who has not yet stepped foot on the African continent, this is my 5 star recommendation. It turns out Africa is huge and offers so much to the new traveller: the diverse cultures, the wildlife, and spectacular landscapes. I've only seen small parts of 3 countries, but I'm obsessed now. Africa will be high on my list for travelling the rest of my life, and I will do everything I can to get family and friends to experience it as well. Kyle Woodward.

[birdieboob]

Talk about quiz

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

The one movie which I can watch a million times and not get sick of is Shawshank Redemption. It used to be my most hated movie until I actually sat down to watch it because it plays pretty much every day. I love Andy!


2:Talk about your first kiss.

My first kiss was with Steven in second grade! I dont remember exactly where it happened but he was my first boyfriend.


3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Oh boy thats tough. The most intense feelings was with this one ex. We dated for a short amount of time but our whole relationship was intense. There was such a sweetness to it but also a comfortable feeling. I felt secure. But alas that ended.


4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I regret not being able to save for texas! Its just so fucking hard!


5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

The best birthday I had was also one of my worst. It was my 16th birthday and we were all supposed to go out to play pool along with my boyfriend. But my younger brother threw this HUGE fit about mt boyfriend coming so he had to go home so it was just my dad, me and my older brother who went. It was nice to spend time with my dad like that. Then when I got home they sat me down and gave me this little box. I opened it and it was a sweet 16 necklace! I have it still in my jewelry box.


6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

See above.


7:Talk about your biggest insecurity.

My belly. Ugh. I have a beer gut.


8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

My daughter! She is the most amazing little girl I have ever known. She knows how to make me laugh but also knows how to warm my heart. She is the silliest girl and has her mama’s sass. Im so glad I created her and I get to watch her grow up. 😭


9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

I love my eyes. Ive been told my eyes are my best feature! My mom calls them Jeepers Creepers eyes lol


10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Ive had a few lol but the biggest one? Ima tell you top 2. One boyfriend was asking me what I did last night (he was possesive) and I told him I hung out with a friend who was a girl. He asked what we did and I said we just hung out in a friends clubhouse in his backyard. He then got very angry accusing me of cheating and went to punch my face but I moved my head fast enough and he hit the lockers. I ran away crying to my resource room and he came in after me with his hand tripled in size. My teacher must of clued in because she made him leave and comforted me. Another one was I had been disagreeing with a boyfriend for a few days and we fought for a fucking week straight. He dumped me on thanksgiving. I cried for 5 minutes and was like “oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️”


11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. No idea tbh.


12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. Sooooooo maannnyyyy


13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Lol oh shit here we go. Im gonna get hate for this! I was dating my first serious boyfriend for a year and half and I decided “you know what its almost valentines day Im gonna have sex with him”. So we walked around in the winter then I told him. We tried to find a spot (because my parents had no idea I was doing anything sexual so we couldnt do it in the house) so we found a gas station. He asked for the key while I waited by the door. We got in, turned on the hot water to warm up the bathroom and we had sex lol. Honestly... i couldnt feel shit. Like for my first time I thought “is this sex? Am I not doing it right? Is there something wrong with me?” Fuuuckkk Ill be waiting for the comments on this.


14:Talk about a vacation.

I went to Ottawa when I was 16, cody watched my rabbit, we had to bring my sisters rabbit cause she just had 6 babies, got super sunburt, ordered a hot dog and they forgot to ask for the money lol.


15:Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Right now! Life is perfect!


16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

No one invites me to parties lol.


17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Idk lol


18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I joined gymnastics which meant I had to be at the school for 7:30am to practice. I didnt have a leo like most girls but going through the lost and found I found a purple one. I wore it the next day and everyone was questioning it so I never wore it again.


19:Talk about something that happened in middle school.

I got bullied like hell. I got dog treats thrown at me every day.. my bully and her friends would mimic my lisp and everyone called me dumbo. So I cried to my parents. On a hearing appointment my ENT randomly brought up pinning my ears back because he noticed how out they were. My parents were hesitent but I convinced them I needed it.


20:Talk about something that happened in high school.

Grade 9. I heard about this guy who all the girls “fawned” over which is what I heard from the guys. One day he comes over to me and says hello. My heart skipped a beat and said hello back. From then we became close friends alongside a girl named jessie. One day we were all at jessies house and both me and him were upstairs. He was on the computer and I was on the bed. Suddenly he turned around and grabbed a pillow and began smothering me with it. I managed to get him off me and I went to go be with my friend so I laid on the couch. He came down after a few minutes and got on the couch with me. I whispered “please no” and he covered us with a blanket. He began molesting me while I cried and kept pleading him not to. His body held me down while my friend sat there and watched. Once he got off I just ran out the door and he followed me to the bus stop. Once I got to the stop I kept crying but he grabbed me and pushed me up against the glass. His hand was on my neck and he kissed me aggressively. Tears were streaming down my face when this guy comes to wait for the bus and he noticed so he said something. The guy who did that to me left. The next day and until he graduated he would shove me in the halls and punch me. He said I wanted him and Im making it all up. He made high school hell.


21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

Omg. Lol. I was in the mental ward and this one guy was crushing on me so hard. We were in the tv room and he was writing me notes waiting for me to reply so I started answering him. This is how the convo went.

Him- are you single?

Me- yeah why?

Him- wanna date?

Me- i dont know you

Him- but I wanna eat nesquick out of your pussy.


22:Talk about your worst fear.

My worst fear is someone hurting my family. :(


23:Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Uhhh cant think of anyone.


24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

My parents and people close to me tell me Im a good mom. It just feels ao goos to hear.


25:Talk about an ex-best friend.

Oh idk which one to talk about. The one who watched me get molested? The one who stalks and harrasses me still to this day? The one who disappeared randomly or the one who kept choosing her other friends over me. Bleh.


26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

I woman up and take care of my child. Its like Im not even sick. I dont moan about it.


27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

I looooveeeee @zombiepearl666 lips!

28:Talk about your fetishes.

I just like rough sex. Nothing too fancy lol


29:Talk about what turns you on.

See above.


30:Talk about what turns you off.

Missionary... where you lay ontop of me and thrust. Cant breathe. Gah.


31:Talk about what you think death is like.

I believe you get to watch over your loved ones. Like sit in the same room they are in and just admire them.


32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I dont remember places lol


33:Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I used to cut. But now I just lay in bed and vent to megan.


34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

My gallbladder attacks. Fuuuccckkkkk those were so bad they had to knock me out till the attack was over.


35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. I wish I would stop not saving.


36:Talk about your guilty pleasures.

I like to eat out when I know its bad for me. Does that count?


37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

Im still unsure if I ever felt love with any boy.


38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Fast car reminds me of my mom. Any nightwish song reminds me of my dad. The last night by skillet reminds me of cody and a million reasons by gaga reminds me of gator.


39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

I wish I knew who would hurt me.


40:Talk about the end of something in your life.

16. The end of all normalcy in my life. It was when I got schizophrenia.

[fallenaristocat]

I'm bored okay


1. Who was the last person you held hands with?my little brother 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Depends who I’m with cause anxiety 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?my fam at an event coming up 4. Are you easy to get along with? I doubt it 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i dont like anyone at the minute tbh 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Uh boys¿ 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?nope 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? No one really 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends who I’m taking to 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? I dont know probably my sister though 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I’ll pay you for it” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Honestly Iv been listening to halseys new album the past two months I don’t even know 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Depends who but yeah 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes 15. What good thing happened this summer? I finally got a job and it’s not horrible 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Probably 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I dont know who it was so yeah maybe who knows 19. Do you like bubble baths? I hate baths 20. Do you like your neighbors? Yeah but they don’t like me 21. What are you bad habits? Uh breathing I guess 22. Where would you like to travel? Literally anywhere 23. Do you have trust issues? I don’t know 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Makeup 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? None of ye business 26. What do you do when you wake up? Lye in bed for about 3 hours on my phone 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Darker 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my cat 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Never been in a serious relationship so 30. Do you ever want to get married? Eventually yes 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yep 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Threesomes are weird no thanks 33. Spell your name with your chin “.jszzg” 34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I honestly have no idea 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Iv never told anyone ever 😂 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing I just die 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Uh funny i guess 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Bershka 40. What do you want to do after high school? Get a degree 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? anxiety 43. Do you smile at strangers? If I make eye contact 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Ocean for sure 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My freaking cat attacking my face until I feed him 46. What are you paranoid about? Everything 47. Have you ever been high? Nope 48. Have you ever been drunk? Yeah 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No…? 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Burgundy 51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yeah 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Anxiety 53. Favourite makeup brand? Don’t have one 54. Favourite store? Penny’s 55. Favourite blog? Don’t read any 56. Favourite colour? Rose gold shocker 57. Favourite food? Cheese 58. Last thing you ate? Pringles 59. First thing you ate this morning? Jellys 60. Ever won a competition? For what? Basketball 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No 62. Been arrested? For what? No 63. Ever been in love? No 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was disgusting and dark and I don't know who it was 65. Are you hungry right now? Always 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Real friends 67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope 70. Names of your bestfriends? eXpOsED 71. Craving something? What? Subway 72. What colour are your towels? Non are matching a bit of everything 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One but I have about 10 for show 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 5? 75. Favourite animal? Cats 76. What colour is your underwear? Black 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?cookie dough 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Orange 80. What colour pants? Black 81. Favourite tv show? Teen wolf 82. Favourite movie? I honestly don’t know 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? I didn’t even know there was a second one 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The gay best friend 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory💙 87. First person you talked to today? My brother 88. Last person you talked to today? My dad 89. Name a person you hate? Frank 90. Name a person you love? My nanny 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nope 92. In a fight with someone? Always am with someone 🙄 93. How many sweatpants do you have? One pair 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I have no idea 95. Last movie you watched? Moana 96. Favourite actress? Holland roden 97. Favourite actor? Dylan O'Brien 98. Do you tan or burn? Tan 99. Have any pets? Cat and dog 100. How are you feeling? I don’t know 101. Do you type fast? No 102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes 103. Can you spell well? No 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I doubt it 107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes 108. What should you be doing? Sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? Yes 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? No 111. Do you have trust issues? This question was already asked 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I don’t know I don’t really cry in front of people unless it’s a movie or something 113. What was your childhood nickname? Ew “skinny Minnie” 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yeah 115. Do you play the Wii? Not anymore but I have 116. Are you listening to music right now? No 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? It depends what mood I’m in sometimes I hate it 119. Favourite book? From what category??? 120. Are you afraid of the dark? Complete darkness and if I don’t know where I am and im by myself 121. Are you mean? Yeah I’m sorry 122. Is cheating ever okay? Never 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Yeah actually 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No 125. Do you believe in true love? Yes 126. Are you currently bored? Procrastinating 127. What makes you happy? Food 128. Would you change your name? No I like it 129. What your zodiac sign? Sagittarius 130. Do you like subway? Yeah I’m not evil 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Oh my god what? Talk to them I guess i dont know 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Pretty sure this was already asked too 133. Favourite lyrics right now? Don’t have any 134. Can you count to one million? Yes 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I don’t know 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed who keeps them open wtf 137. How tall are you? 5,6 I think 138. Curly or Straight hair? Curly 139. Brunette or Blonde? Blonde 140. Summer or Winter? Summer 141. Night or Day? Night 142. Favourite month? I don’t think I have one 143. Are you a vegetarian? God no chickens life 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk 145. Tea or Coffee? Neither but tea if I had too 146. Was today a good day? Yeah 147. Mars or Snickers? Neither but mars if I had too 148. What’s your favourite quote? I don’t know 149. Do you believe in ghosts? No 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “As I ran towards her ranting and raving, My loving mother suddenly appeared before my eyes”