#ive got a lot more things to list for sale so who knows what will happen next

[poppyseedmuffiin]

in my job as a PA I've been tasked with selling alot of my boss's old things which includes like 6 printers so I've started listing them on facebook marketplace and listen my creative nature is stifled most of the time im so bored and am incapable of taking this seriously

And the descriptions might have gotten a bit out of hand💀 hopefully people dont start wondering when my boss got a sense of humor

[aropride]

saw ur recommendation for 3m aura n95s 👀👀 any advice on where to get them from? heading back 2 school in a few weeks and wanna stock up — tysm !!!!!

ok so!! my first recommendation is to see if there is a mask block near you, in my area it was CRANE (covid resistance action northeast), they're having trouble stocking and filling orders rn so mine took ~a month to arrive but the time would've passed anyway as they say . if ur in a more urban area ur a lot more likely to have one near u tbh, idk if it'd work but it'd be worth reaching out to the closest one even if they're not technically working in ur exact area just to see . here's a map of mask blocs worldwide- they're mostly in america (continent - but mostly in the US+canada) & europe (mostly in great britian) but there are some others too

otherwise the safest way to get some that are 100% not counterfeit is ordering directly from a supplier, but that can be expensive . project n95 is inactive now but theres still a list of suppliers there !! 3m is really good from experience . u can also get n95s/kn95s/p100 respirators from home depot if u have one near u- however the supplyaid kn95s they sell arent very good, i had them and theyre better than nothing but they only have a 67% filtration rate (as opposed to the 95% expected from n95s and kn95s - thats what the 95 stands for i was mindblown when i discovered this)

also while im thinking about it, part of the reason n95s are more protective than kn95s despite both filtering 95% of particles is bc the seal on the n95 is a lot more reliable than the kn95 :}

me personally ive been getting mine from amazon (not recommended) (i have gift cards there so im not giving them My money at least) and trying my best to make sure they're legit . i referenced the 3m n95 1870s i got using this twitter thread and they seem to be legit? on amazon it also usually says where it ships from and check the storefront, the reviews etc etc. i basically have to do an entire vetting process every time its very annoying ❤️ it is a lot less expensive though, especially if they have a sale going . (here are the ones ive been getting- the listings look the same as of rn but amazon changes them all the time so take this with a grain of salt, person i imagined reading this in 2027. link 1, link 2)

ive tried the holy trinity (new term i made up for the 3m n95 1870 (red straps), 3m n95 9205 (blue straps), and 3m n95 9210 (braided white straps)) -- ime the 9210 definitely has the tightest head straps and i have an abnormally small head on account of being 3 inches tall and born in a thimble all alone . so thats something to be aware of, if u have an abnormally big head the 3m auras might not be the best bc of the strap tightness .

SORRY I'M LIKE INFODUMPING AT U NOW ..!! i have more though . If you know anyone irl who masks asking them where they get theirs might help, they might know stuff locally. ALSO speaking of knowing stuff locally- i don't know if this is universal but i have a friend who's getting really into asian cuisine and a lot of asian grocery stores ive been to with her in my area have had masks. that's such a long shot but ive seen them five out of six stores ive gone to and never at, like, hannaford or market basket or whatever.

OKAY ONE MORE THING . when i got my free masks from crane (SHOUTOUT CRANE I LOVE YOU CRANE) they also sent a thing abt how to reuse them that i will add !! they can be used for like 40 hours if theyre not visibly dirty or the straps dont break or anything

okay i am done infodumping now SORRY THIS IS SO LONG..!!! tldr: local mask bloc if it's an option is definitely the least expensive, project n95 compiled a bunch of links to buy from suppliers, home depot/other hardware stores are worth a shot, and amazon's an option especially if you're like me (poor but have money stuck in amazon gift cards) 🫡

[siofra-river]

Ive been trying to play morrowind. But unfortunetly I grew up with Skyrim and I can tell it's effecting my gameplay descisions. (Just picking something up, but I couldnt see any indication that I was stealing) Any begginer tips?

I almost deleted this ask by accident gave myself a heart attack 😭 but um ok I’ve got a few tips.

So #1 would honestly be. Get openmw. It’s not hard to figure out how to download but it’s basically a new engine for the game and it’s super easy to mod for things like bug fixes(which you really want), new textures, better texture mapping etc. really useful stuff. You also need morrowind on steam to run it iirc so maybe snag it when it’s on sale. It might be on sale rn I think the winter sale on steam just started …

2. Find some kind of character making guide. Unlike Skyrim and a lesser extent oblivion. How you make your character like really really actually matters. You choose your race, your class, and a star to be born under. All of these have different stats that mesh w eachother differently . Like each race has stats they’re better in and so you want to choose a starting class that can actually mesh with those skills. Skills are separated into major,minor, and misc skills which determines your proficiency in them. The game is very very reliant on your skills and like th other games the more you do it the better you are but if your short or long blade skill is like 5, you’re not going to hit someone very often. ALSO, there’s a lot more skills than Skyrim, armor is divided into 3 class skills, heavy medium and light, swords are separated by long sword and short sword. There’s skills like armorer which will determine how much you can fix your own armor, and some skills will level up just as you run around like acrobatics. Also, just bcuz your skill levels up does not mean you leveled up, you have to level up a bunch of skills before you get a whole level up.

Which also gets me into 3. Which is like. Combat and dying. Combat is weird and a little clunky, you’re not guaranteed a hit every swing but neither is your enemy (again, dependent on skills) ,stamina really matters, and if you choose magic (which iirc is like one of the more first time player friendly paths) than you regain magic by resting, not passively overtime . Which is smth I wish I knew first time I got into a fight I was so confused 😭. And uh, you’re going to die a lot at first? It’s frustrating but like it’s part of the growing pains imo. If you can stick with it you’ll get a lot a lot better.

4. Would be , get used to a different way of questing. In morrowind you don’t have a quest marker, you don’t have a quest list, and you can’t fast travel outside a few select ways but even then not to everywhere. If you join the mages guild they can teleport you to a few other mages guilds, for a small fee, or you can ride a silt strider for a much bigger fee, but again they don’t take you everywhere. You may also run into a spell or scroll that can teleport you. It may sound intimidating but I swear it gets better, it’s not as bad after running around for a couple hours. You do get a map, but like it only fills out where you go, which I honestly really like, gives a good sense of your progression. But most importantly, you store all your quest info in a little booklet, which will automatically update as you progress thru a quest, so it’s important to remember and check it when you need directions .

5. A little cheesy but . Have fun? It’s a different style of game and can get a lot of getting used to, if it’s really frustrating, not fun at all. Don’t be afraid to step back and look at what might be frustrating you. If you don’t like one style of combat don’t be afraid to start another character and try another kind.

I know I have a few friends who know a lot more abt morrowind so if they wanna add on to this I don’t mind. But yeah, morrowind is a good game! With good(and crazy) writing!

[yeahitsanalt-fuckdogpilers]

Oh and i forgot to mention

Nonwhite people (white being pale europeans and their america descendants/counterparts) are considered minorites IN AMERICA SPECIFICALLY not because of their lack of power, but because of the fact that there are less of them in the United States.

Black people are not a minority in africa, asians are not a minority is asia, middle easterners are not a minority in the middle east and so on and so forth

You gripe and moan about a lack of representation but you seem to solely watch anime, which is asian media. I would bet the only other media youve watched is western media aka american and maybe european media.

So yknow what ive done the very easy job of actually looking for you

And these are from just quickly looking specifically african media, you can also look for indian media It is a lot more popular than you know. And the thing is? Theres so much more for you to find out there. So since you have no problem watching foreign media like anime, stop fucking complaining about the lack of black representation in asian media and go watch some of these, which have mainly or fully black casts, because who knows you might actually enjoy them and stop being such an entitled cunt.

And another thing i forgot to mention earlier, i saw you arguing with some other guy and the idea that theres absolutely no fandom surrounding any of these is absurd. The idea that no other country has a concept of fandom, is absurd. People of agrica watch tv too yknow, of course they have their iwn media. And considering how bad your reading comprehension is, the fact you dont do research, and refuse to read/ watch anything ive shown you so far, id bet you never even tried to look.

I searched up one thing "african media" and i immediately got a streaming service that streams african/black tv shows. I looked up "african cartoons" and it gave me a very useful wiki page showing me not just popular ones but older ones too, I looked up "african 2d animation" and i got a short list of african animation AND an african animation studio.

And after looking at this i myself realized, like it actually clicked or something, just how much fucking black media and rep there is. You really are just ignoring its existence and aren't bothering to look. Like at all.

Which made me realize another point to why blackwashing is bad and not a good substitute to actual representation.

You know (actually im not even sure if you do considering you cant read and cant be bothered to look) how i previously said, somewhere, that blackwashing is just a cheap tactic to appease black people? This adds another point to that.

You think you dont have any other option besides hollywood and anime. And theyll use that against you to force you yo watch their shit while also not giving a shit about you.

But we know from many other instances that refusing to watch something hurts their sales, that's a no brainer really. But i dont know if you know this but hollywood and many other companies have been intimidated by animes rise in popularity, but thats animation specifically, something that costs more that live action sometimes.

So lemme spell it out for you. If african and other countries media gets more popular within not just black communities but white ones in america (which is bound to happen and you know it with anything else you people get interested in) you end up supporting peoples media you actually enjoy, allowing them to flourish, while the media you dont like takes a hit to their sales, something that would become more and more obvious and unable to be ignored as the years go by and dark skinned foreign media becomes more popular, eventually forcing them to concede and compete with african media for your attention and money.

Does. that. make. any. sense. to. your. pea. brain?

On a different note, I also find it incredibly curious how you think everything has to do with power. I have to wonder if you just have a power and revenge fantasy you want to live through by being racist towards pale skin and blackwashing them. Aka doing to them the same wrongs they did to you and/or your ancestors because you think it would make you feel better.

Because when you define every racist thing white people do by power and power alone, it just makes it seem like you want to have power over white people when you enact the same racist things on them that would be unacceptable for them to enact upon you.

Which by the way, one group having power over the other is not equality and not the ideal you should work towards if you actually think you are anti-racism.

Either way i cant think of any reason you wouldnt at the very least try to watch any of these shows and movies besides you not actually caring about representation, and/or all you really do want is to act upon racist revenge and power fantasies against white and pale people.

After some thought i decided i wanted to make sure people can see this absolutely insane ignorant belief some people have.

Take a look at this these articles

You are a minority in america sure but not the whole damned world

The idea that black people cant be racist, especially towards pale people because they are a minority in america is really fucking stupid when you consider the fact that Africa as a whole and some other countries have a majority of black people. Can they also not be racist?

If not then how can you claim asians can be racist, or that mihoyo can be racist. Asians have an even smaller population in the US compared to black people.

"but they make up the majority of the world-"

AND BLACK PEOPLE MAKE UP THE MAJORITY OF FUCKING AFRICA AND NUMEROUS, NUMEROUS OTHER PLACES.

"Racism does not require the superiority in power or numbers that white people in America have. It is merely an attitude or belief, usually derogatory, about a race or ethnicity that is not true."

And if you fucking think black people are the only people to be made slaves, oppressed, and so much more purely on the color of their skin then you need to pick up a fucking history book. Especially since slavery still exists, and is extremely profitable, to this day. And even though slavery was abolished in america we both know damned well it still happens and you better fucking believe its not just white people doing it.

[kochlandhomestead]

10/01/22

Wow did September really just fly by like that? Feels like just 2 weeks ago I was doing this for August but heres my self accountability post for the end of the 9th month of 2022

Lets start with the ol resale business. Historical Days was a big success. I got rid of a lot of my old stock from the shed and made a nice profit on the weekend. Really wish I could get to more festivals and markets. That was a goal for this year that I am failing at. eBay had gone cold since the first week of September but I had 3 sales this week. With 4th quarter starting now hopefully it will be getting even better. I learned a lot last week at eBay open, lets see if I can transform that into sales. I also am looking into a booth at a local flea market that is open on Fridays. Possibly going to open there in November. Its a risk and a big step but it just may be time.

Classes started Monday in my Ag science and organic growing classes. Its been a challenge this week but I feel im back in the flow. I even got my first week assignment done early, y'all know thats a big one for me.

Things around the Homestead are winding down into what I refer to as hibernation time. The garden is ready to be put to bed, hopefully I get to that nexg week. Pears and apples need picked. Gotta dig potatoes yet and see how that harvest is. Lots of little things but its about over.

I didn't have a single Wrestling show this month. We did do our company picnic last Saturday but besides that nothing. The quiet is killing me. October has a couple but November is really bare. Gotta do something about this.

My TV back log has gotten worse. Im weeks behind on Wrestling. Its really ridiculous lol. I haven't watched any of She-Hulk or House Of Dragons. Seems everyday I add on another episode or 5 of the network shows that I try to catch as much of as possible like FBI or Law & Order. I haven't even seen the new Thor yet. I am caught up on Andor of course and am still working through my rewatch of Fear the walking dead. For someone that completely cut the cord this list is nuts!

Speaking of cutting the cord lets discuss my "off grid" life as it is. So many projects and ideas I had for the summer went unstarted. I really had hoped to have a little wood stove set up but not even close. I did get a bucket washing machine built for hand washing and of course my water collection system grew nicely. But still im way behind even though im far better than I was last year at this time.

My health has been good and ive really been doing well at eating. Im near my calorie goal almost everyday. Cooler weather really helps as does less time spent working outside. Now to finally start regular workouts again.

With just a month to go its time to start really planning and working on the upcoming holiday season here and at the Santa House. All while trying to enjoy spooky season too. Its a juggling act sometimes.

The personal life thing is pretty much as wacky as always. Mom and Dad have both been doing good. Dad has a bum shoulder but he says it is feeling a little better. Tyler has been coming around a little bit more now that he has Whiskey to take out. She sure is a cutie and becoming a good pal of mine. I been thinking again about a new cat or dog. Maybe near Christmas? My special person and myself have had a difficult time of getting together. Always seems to be something come up. Its hard with busy lives and a bit of a distance between us. We have plans for next Saturday so hopefully.... It was great to hang out with the Wrestling family last week, tomorrow I get more of that plus the Town Meeting crew. Having a small social life is sad at times but it makes me enjoy it more when it happens. A goal for 2023 is more interaction with friends and family and less alone time!

I think thats enough for tonights book. If you made it through thanks for reading. These things are always kinda hard for me to do but I really feel that they along with you who do read help me keep myself in check.

[frillshark-fr]

How do you get people to always buy your dragons? Genuine question

i was gonna say something like “haha i have no fucking clue” but that would be a lie i think about this a lot actually so i might have some insights i’ve been breeding dragons as my primary activity on FR since i started playing FR (in 2014...) and people have only started actually buying dragons from me consistently like, 5-6 months ago, despite 2-3 attempts at running a genuine hatchery onsite that always died due to lack of interest & not really being worth the effort. 

so ive thought a lot about what the hell is happening now and why my dragons are suddenly consistently selling and I think ive come down to these being the main points of advice i can give: 1. make friends! be friendly! don’t be weird! be a cool and fun person to interact with! 2. post consistently. post your dragons consistently. post about other stuff consistently. just be an active member of the community 3. POST YOUR SHIT IN THE “#FLIGHT RISING” TAG. THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TRUELY HELPFUL THING I SAY IN THIS POST 4. make pairs that are sexy as hell and be openly proud of them. make dragons and pairs that you like, not what you think will necessarily sell. people can tell when you like stuff and being genuinely passionate about something, whatever the fuck it is, will get other people passionate as well longer versions/explanations under the cut because man this got a mile long. i wasn’t kidding when i said i think about this a lot and i am so sorry if you wanted something concise and useful

1. to be a little glib. i am mutuals/friends with more clout in the FR community than I do kjdshfdsfdhjhkfdf shoutout to everyone who draws their dragons really good on a regular basis because i am riding on your coattails to sell my dragons. i love you this was never my intent, obviously! DO NOT BEFRIEND PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU WILL GET STUFF FROM THEM IT’S JUST A REALLY BAD THING TO DO TO PEOPLE!!! i wouldn’t be friends w/ people if i didn’t genuinely like and get along with them! no amount of pixel cash is worth putting up with people you dont like or abusing people you admire!  but i’d also somehow feel wrong to just... neglect mentioning this factor. idk it’s probably a self-esteem thing sjdkgfhdsf i just Don’t feel like my #success has been totally out of my own effort because its not like im #hustling or whatever i just posted dragons and stuff happened

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2. being consistent! just. posting consistently! posting Every Hatchling I Have and Talking About Them On Tumblr!  Once I had a couple nests just sell super fast likely due to aforementioned clout, i was emboldened to just post more of my nests more often and I swear this has more effect than anything else. i just needed the self-esteem boost to Start Doing That posting consistently makes ppl follow u for ur content which gets even more people to look at your dragons which gets more people to buy your dragons.

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2a. Also just post a lot in general, even if you aren’t necessarily posting about your dragons for sale. it definitely helps! just be friendly and active and people will come

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3. post your shit in the tag. not in “#dragon-sales” or “#fr-dragon-sales” or anything weird like that because I don’t know if anyone actually looks at those, but people definitely browse “#flight rising”. no matter how many followers you have, more people will see your content if you post it in #flight rising than if you just chuck it into the void. 

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3a. however! do not put links into the post if you want it to actually show up in the tag. tumblr is cool in that it doesn’t actually matter that much when you post something, the same way it really matters on twitter bc twitter has algorithms that decide for you what it thinks you want to be seeing whereas tumblr just shows you everything in chronological order. if you post something into the tag at 1am... it will still be there at 2pm when people log on and start scrolling.

the only thing tumblr seems to consistently hide from a tag (and possibly a dashboard, but idk) are posts with links in them, as a half-assed attempt to limit spam. instead of linking to your sales tab/to the dragons directly in the post, reblog it with the links instead. to reduce latency between a post going up and the links being available, i type out the links in the initial post, cut them, post the thing into the tag, then very quickly reblog, paste the links, and post the reblog jdhfsdf. i don’t know if that benefits anything really? but it can sometimes take me a while to type links, so if i posted, pressed reblog, typed up all the links, then posted, it’d be like ~15 minutes where someone may see the post, think “oh i would like to buy those dragons”, then can’t find the link, think “oh well, i will just find it later”, scroll on, and just... completely forget about it. so uh. go quick?

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3b. the armchair sociologist in me also thinks self-reblogging has the added benefit of like... you know how people are more likely to tip a barista when a dollar is already in the tip jar? or how people are more likely to take one of those little tabs on a flyer if one of them is already missing? i think that works with notes, too. i don’t know why i think that or why it happens i just swear once a post gets 1 note, suddenly it gets Even More Notes, and if it doesn’t get any notes for a while it will sit at 0 notes until the end of time. so giving yourself 1 obligatory note makes people more likely to interact. i think

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4. all of these are hard to quantify but this one is especially so: have cool and unique dragons. make your pairs sexy as hell. don’t put all your eggs (hah) into the one basket of selling dragons that are technically “popular”. we have all seen triple white/triple obsidian/triple orca/triple any other popular colors and cherub/pere/stained or wasp/bee/glim pthahlos or whatever. they’re pretty! we get it! but everyone has had one and everyone has had those pairs and market for dragons like that can be super oversaturated. try to break free from that and sell dragons that people can only get from you. I can’t tell you what to do though bc that rly depends on you. make pairs that you find exciting or interesting and people will feel that. i have a very specific theme and aesthetic that i don’t feel like is especially common on FR and i am genuinely very enthusiastic about it. marine shit is my Thing:tm: both on and off FR and dragons are one of my many ways of expressing that   if you have a Thing:tm:, either some fr-centric aesthetic (like being super into plague or earth or light or something) or something more general (such as any of the -punks or -cores)... just fuckin roll with it honestly. if you’re goth? make got h dragons. like scene stuff that looks straight out of a middle school in 2010? rock that hot-topic lair. outdoorsey type? make dragons that look like you’d meet them on a hike in the woods. it really works with anything!  people can tell when you really love something and i know that seeing someone really love something, even if it’s not necessarily MY thing, makes me really excited too!! 

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4a. never show fear. people can smell fear. never be like “well this one isn’t that good” because suddenly now you’ve planted the idea that it’s ugly in other people’s heads when they may have really liked it had you not accidentally suggested to them that it’s an ugly dragon. people are EXTREMELY suggestible to even VERY minor cues so be always a little bit bolder than you think you should be you’d be surprised at how many times ive been like “eh, this one’s kind of a dud, i’ll probably have to exalt this one when the auction expires” and then that hatchling is the first to sell. never ever ever ever decide what other people like for them. always act like your dragons are the hottest shit in all the land and Believe It. this is what people mean when they say “fake it till you make it”

- 4b. also, idk if it’s true of everyone but it’s really off-putting to see someone having serious pity-parties for themselves, on sales posts or otherwise. ive had bad experiences with people who are uncomfortably quick to self-depreciate (because they were using their genuine self-hatred to manipulate me or my friends), so i might be a little more trigger-happy about avoiding this behavior than others, but don’t weaponize your sadness to guilt people into doing what you want. it’s really not cool.

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okay i think that’s my entire manifesto on how i do dragon selling. anon i am so sorry im sure you were expecting like “believe in yourself :)” and here i am dissecting dragon selling like it’s a frog in a science class

edit: AFTER ALL THAT I STILL THOUGHT OF ONE MORE THING. It’s not really a Point, just a Reminder:

i don’t post about all the times i have to exalt dragons that don’t sell. you are seeing me being very selective about what i post. you dont sit and stare at my lair or click through offspring lists or check old sales posts. there are a lot of times where someone just doesn’t sell. even now when i’m selling stuff pretty consistently i will still sometimes have dragons that don’t sell for seemingly no reason. even dragons I think are sure to sell will sometimes just... not. and that’s ok! you gotta just be.. ok with that. it’s par for the course. i typically list dragons for 7 days on the AH, give them a couple more days after their auction expires (partially because i forget, partially to give them a grace period for people to pm/ask me about them), and then exalt them after that point. w/ some dragons that i don’t think got a fair shake for one reason or another (such as the sales post not showing up in the tag or something) i do a little clearance (like the halloween dragons i recently posted) but for the most part if they don’t sell, i just exalt them. 90% of the time i don’t even bother to level them up i just press the exalt button and call it a day. it’s fine

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go

ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution

hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.

its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out

oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!

ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)

ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)

thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)

ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e

yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.

"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.

falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.

i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.

bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.

my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!

DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.

[teeentyonepilots]

wait... i am confusion.... whats going on? somehow ive avoided clique drama for 6 years (no idea how tbh) and so this is the first ive heard of this "pyramid scheme"??? may i ask what thats about?

Tyler’s sister Maddy has been involved in multiple MLM (multilevel marketing) scams to make money. Her most recent one is called BeachBody which sells workout routines and supplements and shakes and shit. She promotes her scams to her Instagram followers, many of whom she has because of her famous brother and many of them impressionable people and children who may get involved just because someone connected to Tyler is promoting it.

MLMs are predatory schemes which drain the wallets of people who sign up for them because you’re always having to recruit more people to buy from you and then sell under your line to move you up the pyramid. 90% of people who get involved with MLMs fail and lose money rather than receive any of the success that is falsely promised. They manipulate and prey upon people’s insecurities— body image, finances, supporting one’s family, especially women/mothers. They steal empowerment slogans like “boss babe” and use CULT LIKE MIND CONTROL TACTICS to convince people it’s not just sales... it’s a whole lifestyle movement that will BETTER YOU. They make it appear like you own your own company when really you’re just a fool making high levels rich.

So you sign up to work for them, investing your own money to start selling the product and you go through training of “winning sales strategies” and if you follow everything they tell you, you’ll be ROLLING IN CASH. Then they tell you exactly what to say to your friends, family, and every single person on your social media to guilt them and deceive them into buying whatever you’re selling. There’s an MLM for everything and most of the products are GARBAGE. Some actually cause damage like Monat hair products (chemical burns). They act like these are the best products ever but are unregulated, not clinically tested, and dangerous... some claiming to cure illnesses and coronavirus and cancer (that’s more of the nutritional supplement and essential oils worlds but yeah they make massive claims).

But the products don’t even matter sometimes... the real scheme is recruiting more people to join. Someone got you to join and they make money off what you sell and who you recruit (your up line). You want to recruit more people so you can become an upline too. These schemes have levels you can “achieve” and they promise you more money, more rewards, cars, vacations, etc. it’s always about selling selling selling and recruiting. They have ridiculous scripting, formulaic social media posts, and people will cold message others to try and recruit them (I’ve seen posts where people message people going through a major loss and being like X product will HELP YOU SO MUCH). Predatory and disgusting. They bombard everyone with their company and often ruins relationships because all they want is YOUR MONEY and are completely disingenuine. I could go on forever about patterns of strategies they us and they’re always changing what they’re doing because people catch on— nowadays they tell the salespeople to not even name the company.

Anyway, I could go on and on forever. There’s lots of anti-MLM videos on YouTube, there’s a website that tells you if a company is an MLM (some may surprise you because they’re established brands and even have physical shops— Pampered Chef, Body Shop, Avon, etc. I learned a lot from the fb group “sounds like mlm but ok” which shares real posts sent in by members, and some members even were formerly involved in MLMs and answer questions about them. They keep a massive list of known MLMs and update frequently. There’s literally an MLM for everything.

So Maddy’s in this MLM which is all about fitness and weight loss (which is scary to be promoting this to young, impressionable fans/children especially while she’s pregnant). She’s been posting NOT SOCIALLY DISTANCED PHOTOS AND VIDEOS with Jenna while working out. She’s trying to recruit people to her team and she frequently posts on her IG story/page about it. Most recently she is trying to get 10 new sign ups and she posted a list of who’s signed up so far and “Jenna J” is on the list. Most people assume it’s Jenna and some are trying to defend her that it may be a strategy of Maddy to trick people into signing up.

Several things could be going on:

Jenna could think she’s just helping out her sister in law with her business. She’s ignorant and ill-informed and misusing her platform of even more followers, many of whom may sign up because she appears to be the ideal standard of beauty and body type— people want to look like her even though that’s extremely toxic. She may or may not even participate in this, but regardless her name is there and makes it seem like she is endorsing a dangerous pyramid scheme to over a million people.

Someone online is claiming Maddy made up her name because Jenna isn’t part of the private Facebook group that Maddy has for people that signed up... 1. Do y’all really think Jenna would have a Facebook or be in a setting where people could find her secret account? No... and IF maddy is using her name and making it up and implying she’s involved... they all need to be more aware of Maddy’s rogue posts manipulating the audience she primarily only has because of her famous brother. Because tying Jenna’s name to this is dangerous.

In conclusion, there’s a reddit post getting a lot of attention and making people aware of what’s happening and what’s the risk. I’ve seen a lot of people on twitter warning people. Some Instagram comments are calling Maddy directly out (though there’s many who are in support.... and the negative comments can be deleted. Be careful what you see people promoting online and do your research. MLMs are insidious and I’ve personally seen people get involved in them.

The irony that Tyler literally posted a few days ago about companies asking him to promote their “garbage products”. He’s extremely anti ads and endorsing specific brands or doing celebrity ads (Josh on the other hand... he sure does love Nike and there was a lot of Nike product placement recently...). I really appreciate that about Tyler and I think it’s awesome he knows the power his support wields because of the very invested fan base. I just wished he’d notice that two of his siblings often use and manipulate the attention they get because of him to try and get rich quick. I get that he’s very supportive of his family, but there’s got to be some line where he protects his fans.

I hope he finds out about this from either reddit or twitter lurking (which he does a lot) and puts a stop to it because it’s dangerous and manipulative and not at all what he is about as a person.

[whatcouldgowrong-ohthat]

Us and Andie Ch. 5

Summary: Bucky works as an Avenger because it’s what’s right. He feels he has sins he’ll never be able to make up for, but he’ll spend the rest of his life trying. However, his life takes an unexpected turn when he comes across Andie, the daughter of recently divorced Y/N. The life he had once “maintained” in hopes of surviving changes as his heart warms for a tough-as-nails nurse and her wonderful daughter.

Word Count: 3227 words

Warnings: Reader and Bucky interaction! There is angst and mentions of abuse. 

A/N: There is a lot more angst in this chapter just because Y/N’s telling Bucky hers and Andie’s history. And guys - this divorce story is based off of real events from someone I’m very close to. I wish it wasn’t real, but it is. I actually downplayed it for this particular story. But single parents? Victims of abuse? They deserve all of our love and support because they work their asses off just trying their best.

Series Masterlist - Masterlist

Seeing an Avenger run errands was something that one wouldn’t label as “normal”. Ever. A giant of a man attempting to squeeze past other shoppers in skinny aisles? Natasha quietly appearing wherever she needed to do something as simple as grab a carton of milk? And God forbid a billionaire playboy like Tony go shopping on his own for something as trivial as frozen pizza. In fact, Sam might have been the only Avenger that Y/N could picture and it might be the slightest bit, maybe just maybe, normal.

But this particular Avenger? Bucky? It seemed…improbable? Impossible? Inconceivable. That was the word.

Maybe Y/N needed to stop watching The Princess Bride with Andie.

She watched as Bucky looked over her list, grabbing things from shelves and tossing them in the basket. Several women had noticed him. It was hard not to. The guy was massive. And Y/N had to admit, it was nice having him around. It was weird – she barely knew anything about him, but he was determined to help her.

“Tell me something.”

Bucky looked up, raising an eyebrow as she grabbed two bags of M&Ms. One peanut butter, the other dark chocolate. He wondered if they were both Andie’s favorites or if one was maybe hers. “Like what?” He looked back at her, handing her the list before pushing the cart.

She started scratching things off, shrugging. “Something not related to Hydra? Or the Avengers?” As interesting as it now was to say she met with and hung out with the Avengers, she still preferred normal. There was no denying that. And the idea of knowing something like that about Bucky? The idea made her smile.

“I like sweet things.”

That wasn’t what she was expecting. Y/N stepped in front of the cart, hopping on it and allowing him to push her. “I need an explanation behind that. I thought everyone likes sweets. At least to some degree, right?”

Bucky pulled the cart to a stop, surprised when she hopped up. However, despite his surprise, he had to admit that it was cute. He’d seen her wild and worried, but Bucky had yet to see her relax. To act less like a mom and more like…herself? There was a better way to word that, he was sure of it. He crossed his arms and leaned against it, trying to find the right words before realizing he still owed her an explanation. “Hydra didn’t exactly go out of their way to give me good food. Mostly it was IV nutrients or stuff that could hardly even qualify as food.”

Her heart sank at that. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the hero gig. “Oh…”

“Yeah, so when I got out I just…I promised myself I wouldn’t live like that anymore. I want to enjoy things and it turns out sweets became one of those…things.”

Y/N smiled at that. “I’ll make those pancakes for you. That Andie likes so much.”

Bucky looked up at her, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She didn’t – “You don’t – “

“What, you’re the only person that’s able to do nice things?” She hopped off the cart, crossing her arms. “Not happening. Besides, baking is one of those things I do.”

“Even in that tiny ass kitchen?” Y/N gaped at him and he cringed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

But it turned out, Bucky’s apology wasn’t even necessary. Y/N was laughing and swatted his arm, earning a small jump from him. “Yes, actually, I do bake even in that ‘tiny ass kitchen’.”

Bucky felt something in his stomach when he heard her laugh like that. Not only was it sweet, but he was the cause of it. He was the cause of bringing that smile to her face. “How do you have the time?”

“I don’t,” she told him, still laughing without a shred of embarrassment. “But I make it. Whether it means losing some shut eye or not – the nurses are willing to pay me to make stuff for their kids’ bake sales.”

Bucky pushed the cart, absolutely dumbfounded by this woman. She had no superpowers, no abilities, and no reason to be such a good person. And yet here she was. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as good as you.”

Y/N laughed again, shaking her head. “I’m just trying to do my best, Buck. Whatever that is.”

Silence fell as they rounded the corner and went towards the cold section. Y/N was immediately rubbing her hands together, oblivious to the fact that Bucky was watching her. He wanted to tell her more, talk to her more.

“I also like goats.”

Y/N whipped her head around, already smiling at that new detail. “Goats? Is there a story behind this?”

“Um…after the Accords I went to Wakanda and that’s where I met Shuri. She’s the princess there…Really good kid. You’d like her. And…”

Bucky continued with his story. His movements became more animated and relaxed as she listened to him. It was a side of Bucky she never could have predicted. But it seemed the more time she spent with him, the more she realized there was a lot about Bucky she couldn’t predict. And a lot more that she wanted to find out.

-.-.-

After grocery shopping and finally dropping everything off at the apartment, Bucky insisted on taking Y/N out for food. It was a weird moment for him. Normally he stayed in, avoiding eyes and people that were far too curious. But this time that wasn’t the case. He actually wanted to be out. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to be seen with Y/N or if he wanted to spoil her. Maybe it was a mix of the two.

“Here’s your order,” the waitress said, placing two burgers, fries, and two shakes on the table.

Y/N thanked her, looking around at the quaint little diner. How did Bucky find this place? “I feel like we’re going to be caught in this endless cycle of being too nice to each other,” she joked, taking a fry. She dipped it in her shake and took a bite, smiling when she saw that look of complete confusion on his face. Had he even heard what she just said? “Try it before you judge.”

Bucky snorted, but did as she said. What he didn’t expect was to actually enjoy it. And judging by the highly entertained look on her face, he wasn’t exactly hiding it.

“Exactly. So quit your judging.”

They were so at ease with each other. It felt like they’d known one another for years. “So…you asked me questions earlier. Can I ask you now?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before forcing herself to relax. It was Bucky. What was the worst thing he could ask? “Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“…Why did you and Andie’s dad get a divorce?”

Y/N’s whole body froze when she heard that question. This was why she didn’t make new friends. New friends asked personal questions. New friends asked about that damn ex-husband of hers. But Bucky meant well…She was sure he did. She had to remember that he was from a time when divorce just wasn’t done.

And she was from a time when it was always done.

“Well…” Wow, things felt heavy. Her chest felt tight.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky murmured. He leaned forward when he noticed how quickly her body language changed. “I didn’t want to upset you. Or bring up bad memories. I just…” His tongue ran across his lip as he struggled to find the words. Why was he always stumbling? Why was he always at a loss for words? “I was raised in a time where marriage was it. You were stuck with it. And even though Hydra brainwashed me, it became one of those things that was kind of ingrained in my beliefs. Even when I didn’t know what those were.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I was curious what would bring someone to end a relationship when they’re supposed to be in love.”

“Abuse.”

Bucky looked up, fixating on her features. There was only one tear, already fallen and gone. Strands of her hair fell in front of her face. She looked raw. His whole body was rigid as he repeated that one word in his head. Abuse. Who the fuck would abuse her? Who would be such a coward? She wasn’t a superhero. She wasn’t like him. Or a soldier or anything like that. She didn’t have a job that deserved cruelty. So why…? Bucky clenched his jaw at the sharp pain from his hair, realizing he’d been pulling because of his anger.

“Do you want the whole story?”

“You – Y/N, you’re under no obligation to share that with me.”

“I know,” she told him with the smallest nod. “I’m very well aware of that. And if it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t. But I’m sitting across from a man who lived with seventy years of abuse. If anyone would get it, I’m pretty sure it’s you.”

He slumped in his chair, surprised that she would trust him with something like this. There was something about this that made him feel…pride? Confidence? Of all the people to trust, she was choosing him. And he never would have expected it. He never would have had the guts to believe it. Though first, he had to ask, “Did he hurt Andie?”

“Hell no.” The words were held with nothing less than total conviction. “I divorced him before he got the chance.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to the story than that?”

“’Cause there is? My ex…” She picked at her food, suddenly losing her appetite. “God, he knew how to work the system. Played it like a game. He was verbally and emotionally abusive…Never touched me hard enough to leave a bruise. Just enough to make a point or get me scared.”

Silence passed for a few minutes. Bucky watched her, willing to listen to anything she had to tell him.  But just like any of the Avengers, that wall that she had torn down came right back up just as quick.

She shrugged, taking a sip of her water. Her stomach lurched. She felt sick. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.” Bucky bit his lip, reaching across the table. His hand found her arm, squeezing gently. Learning about this, he had so much more to ask. Why would Andie try to see her dad? Why did Y/N wait till Andie was three?

“You’re not the first person to give me that look, you know,” Y/N murmured. A hollow laugh slipped free. She pulled her arm away from his grip, ignoring how comforting it felt. She hugged herself. “Part of my marriage included isolating me from my family. I was nineteen when we got married, so I didn’t know any better. God, I was so naïve. I was practically brainwashed into believing that was how marriage was supposed to be. I didn’t know any better and – “ She faltered, realizing what she had said. “I’m sorry, that was really tacky. I could’ve chosen a better word.”

Bucky frowned. What was she talking about? Oh. He chuckled, shaking his head. “If brainwashing is a good word to describe what you went through, then use it. You’re not hurting my feelings.”

She smiled ever so slightly. It hurt to see her like this. Looking so broken. Taking a shaky breath, she looked around at the near empty diner. The few people that were there weren’t paying attention to them. It was comforting. She felt like she could confide in him even with where they were. “I didn’t really care what he was doing to me, you know? I was numb after five years. I didn’t talk to anyone outside of his friends. It was just my life. But then I got pregnant with Andie. And he changed. He started treating me better…like I was a person instead of property.”

Bucky’s hands clenched on his thighs. Everything in his body wanted to move next to Y/N, to hug her and let her know that nothing that happened was right. But the way she talked about it? He knew she was aware. He knew she wasn’t that same girl anymore. God, how different would things have been if they had met all those years ago? “What changed?”

“I think actually having Andie burst some bubble of his. The reality of a daughter? Especially a mutant showing their abilities so young? He wasn’t prepared for it and,” she shrugged again, defeated. “He blamed me for her having a gift. I didn’t even care that she did, but when I reminded him that it was the male’s genetics that determined someone being a boy or girl? Someone being a mutant? That was when things went back to what I was used to. He didn’t drink or anything, but he was…so angry. And I wasn’t going to put her through that. She had just turned three and I filed. So then he threatened to take her from me.”

Bucky’s heart sank. How much of this was a reality for other women? How many women had to be as strong as Y/N? How many chose to stay? How many weren’t even able to make a choice? “How,” His voice caught in his throat. “How did you get him to…”

“To leave us alone?” He nodded, at a complete loss for words. “He doesn’t have to pay child support. And I have complete control of visitation rights. It mattered once, but not so much now. Andie…she wants a relationship, but it’ll never happen.”

Bucky ran a hand over his face, trying to wrap his head around everything. She gave up child support and was taking care of a kid while living in New York. On her own. Wow. He scratched his jaw, unable to wrap his mind around how someone could go through all of that. It was a different type of torture. Bewildered, he asked, “Why would she even want to see him?”

“Because he remarried,” she sighed. “And he has two boys. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely honest with my daughter about everything involving her father. I have raised her to be able to defend herself no matter what. She is very aware of everything.” Y/N hesitated, only able to imagine what could have gone on in Andie’s head the day her dad refused to meet her. “But she has a father who has no interest in meeting her because of things out of her control. He raises two boys and, from what I know, he loves them and his wife. He treats his new family great. At thirty-five, I still can’t help the sting I feel from that. I can only imagine what she feels.”

“She’s an awesome kid.”

Y/N laughed, tears welling in her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And she’s been wanting to meet him since she was eight. She’s been wanting to meet her brothers for just as long, but…”

“He won’t let her.”

It was a statement, not a question. He didn’t need to ask because the answer was so irritatingly obvious. What an ass. Andie was sneaking out to see what she was missing. She was trying to create a relationship with someone who didn’t want her. The thought of that, the realization, made him sick to his stomach.

Y/N let out a sharp exhale, realizing how heavy things had gotten. She had shared her story, sure, but normally in bits and pieces. It wasn’t normally such word vomit. “I can’t believe I told you all of that. It is nothing like what you went through.”

“Don’t start with all of that,” Bucky argued, shocking her into silence. “Trauma is trauma. Nothing makes what you and Andie went through any less valid. And you can’t argue. ‘Cause I’m the Winter Soldier and who better to ‘get it’ than me?”

She laughed at that, a hint of a smile reappearing when he threw her words back around. Oh, how surprising this man was. Taking a sip of her drink, she asked, “You are unnaturally kind, you realize that, right?”

“Or maybe I’m just less of a dick than the guys you spend time with.”

Y/N snorted, choking on her water and falling into a coughing fit as Bucky winced. Maybe that was too far? “That was great,” she told him, wiping away the tears that had fallen before.

In only seconds, she looked completely different. No longer broken. Any tension that had been there was gone. She was already moving on from it. Maybe that was because she already had eight years behind her.

Leaning back in her seat, she checked her phone. “I need to go get Andie from school.”

Bucky nodded, pulling out his wallet and dropping a couple twenties. “Do you want company?”

She smiled as they stood and made their way outside. As weird as it was to share something like picking Andie up, Y/N found herself wanting to. Andie liked Bucky. And Y/N felt like she could trust him. Especially after confiding everything to him. Honestly, she told him, “I would really like that.”

“Then lead the way.”

And she did. Her hand reached down and grabbed his, immediately catching Bucky’s attention and sending him on alert. He expected her to let go at some point, only making sure he stuck by through the crowds. And while he did his best to follow the route, memorizing it in case he would one day get Andie on his own, he was absolutely giddy.

She never let go of his hand.

-.-.-

That night, Tony was working late in the lab as always. While tinkering away at his suit, he had a hologram of a few documents pulled up. He was passively studying, something absolutely normal for him. It helped him focus. At least, that was the excuse he was giving himself. He preferred this sort of thing after all. But what he hadn’t been expecting was F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerting him of someone else’s arrival.

He looked up, swiping away the reports he’d been memorizing. Fixating back on the suit, he asked, “What are you doing here?”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He shoved a hand in his pocket, the other nervously running through his hair. He didn’t like the idea of coming to Tony for a favor. He really didn’t. It isn’t for you. It’s for Andie and Y/N. “You like Andie and her mom, right?”

Tony glanced up, lifting the goggles and propping them on his head. “Yeah. Y/N seems like a good mom and Andie’s been a riot ever since I met her.” He pushed the chair he sat in, rolling across the floor and landing at his desk. He set the tools down and rose to his feet, wiping his hands clean on his pants. He could always buy another pair. “Why, what’s up?”

“I have a favor to ask…”

Tony leaned against his desk. “For them? Name it.”

And Bucky did. He described everything he felt Tony needed to know. He knew the Stark had a big heart, witnessed how he had taken Peter under his wing. He wanted to do something similar for these two. And judging by the look on Tony’s face, he was more than willing.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tag List:

@mr-robot-x​ @lets--be-honest @buckyssoul @purplekitten30 @amnahs9695 @booktease21 @niahmariec

[maljic]

friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm (and saturday)

face masks everywhere. 

like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has. 

there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now. 

ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily. 

the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).

we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.

i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.

saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm

my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised. 

in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business. 

aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could  and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude. 

the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised. 

we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking. 

i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.

we ran out of eggs. and biscuits.  and no significant numbers of paper products all week. 

[comicteaparty]

Art Resources

Check out this plethora of art-related resources archived from Comic Tea Party’s Art Resources Channel!

RebelVampire

starting this channel off with @Kabocha 's site http://www.shooting-stars.org/ lots of fantastic brushes and materials to use for both photoshop and clip studio(edited)

https://inkarnate.com/ - a nifty site for creating maps. while there is a pro version, the free version still has a lot of features if you just need a map for personal use to reference for your stories.(edited)

https://bodykunposeoftheday.tumblr.com/ - lots of pose photos of the SH Figuarts Body-Kun figures. really great if you want to get some anatomy and pose practice in!(edited)

http://blog.studiominiboss.com/pixelart - if you're a fan of pixel art, this is a hugely great collection of tutorials by Pedro Medeiros. it's got everything from process explanations, animation tips, shading, and more.(edited)

http://terawell.net/terawell/ - Design Doll, a great 3d program solely focused on doll posing. learning to pose the dolls can be a bit of a learning curve, but it can be fantastic if you really need a specific pose reference.(edited)

http://www.yeoldemapmaker.com/ - another map making website. this one is a lot better for interiors, especially if what you want is to just understand the base layout of a room for reference.(edited)

https://www.textures.com/ - a good site for textures. you have to make an account to download them, unfortunately. however, theres tons upon tons of them. for comics they should be safe, but would recommend checking terms for other things.(edited)

Kabocha

Free Software: I have not personally tested all of these programs. Download at your own risk. indicates that I have used it. Pixia: http://www.ne.jp/asahi/mighty/knight/index.html Artweaver: https://www.artweaver.de/en (has paid version) Medibang Paint: https://medibangpaint.com/en/ Krita: https://krita.org/en/ MyPaint: http://mypaint.org/ (Pressure does not work properly on Surface devices newer than the Surface 3) SmoothDraw: http://www.smoothdraw.com/sd Paint.Net: https://www.getpaint.net/ GIMP: https://www.gimp.org/ Pinta: https://pinta-project.com/pintaproject/pinta/ Inkscape: https://inkscape.org/en/

RebelVampire

https://nattosoup.blogspot.com/ - If you aren't familiar with Becca's blog yet, it's really great. while there is an emphasis on watercolor and traditional art supplies, theres honestly just great information all around. processes, supply reviews, and so on!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

http://leifandthorn.com/2018/07/resources-for-making-webcomics/ - resources I've collected over the years. Mostly art stuff (fonts, color harmony, body types, etc), plus some help with website accessibility and some general webcomic podcasts.

Desnik

This is not a free resource so I hope it's okay, but in just a couple of days poring over the first two pages of this book, I'm really feeling a difference in the elasticity of my character's poses. It doesn't get bogged down by medical terminology and sorts parts of the body by 'landmark' instead: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23580472-anatomy-for-sculptors-understanding-the-human-figure

this is speaking as someone who has multiple years of figure drawing practice from life...I wish this book had been out much earlier, it's just amazing

JaSketch

https://www.calligraphr.com/en/ Here’s a free to use website that turns your handwriting into a legit text font, and it works too!

keltyzoid!

speaking of fonts i've actually made a few that are free to use. there's a couple of webcomics i know of that use them. should can i post them?

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/r8wmj4kp2566jbn/AACCrP70zPVLr8h2f5F4d6BIa?dl=0

they're free, no license or credit necessary

kayotics

this is a pretty basic level "how I do comics" but i like to reference these how-to's from Mad Rupert sometimes as a refresh on comics: http://mynameismad.tumblr.com/post/163801383099/hello-in-case-you-havent-heard-the-sakana

lonelytuatara

for any fellow photoshop users who wanna get better at perspective, this video's been really helpful for me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upxBGNcryRs

Delphina

Really helpful Twitter thread about effective paneling! https://twitter.com/h0lysarthole/status/1117464886123089921

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Install old versions of Adobe products for free: https://helpx.adobe.com/creative-suite/kb/cs2-product-downloads.html?promoid=19SCDRQK There are terms & conditions, but the programs don't actually check if you fulfill them. It's up to you to know how much money you've given them, and what you're ethically clear to download in return.

Kabocha

If we're talking about Image Editors, a not-free alternative is Affinity Photo, which is reasonably priced. (I'd look for it to go on sale, but $50 for a perpetual license isn't bad at all!) https://affinity.serif.com/en-us/photo/ Their indesign competitor is in free Beta right now, too: https://affinity.serif.com/en-us/publisher/

Paint.net also still exists: https://www.getpaint.net/

https://www.patreon.com/posts/26834357 In the meantime, here's a post for alternatives to adobe.

https://twitter.com/robochai/status/1124044195092672515

JUNK

https://blog.reimenayee.com/graphic-novel-outline-onion-method/ neat

Hey, I'm sure everyone already knows, but clip studio is on sale for $25 right now! It is (imo) one of the best programs out there for making comics! https://twitter.com/clipstudiopaint/status/1169159411304210432?s=19

MJ Massey

if you're looking for a new display tablet, I found this useful site with tons of tablet reviews! They're organized by size and look at several different brands http://brad.site/reviews/wacom-cintiq-alternatives.html

Attila Polyák

How to draw good looking lightning/electricity! https://www.facebook.com/leesartandmore/photos/a.1370091679712083/2411389295582311/?type=3&theater

seetherabbit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pDE4VX_9Kk

DaeofthePast

Free to use comic font http://purastik.net/ames/e.html

MJ Massey

If you haven't watched Jake Parker's videos, I highly recommend them. They are very informative AND relaxing and encouraging https://www.youtube.com/user/jakeparker44

MJ Massey

GESTURE DRAWINGS! They're important for art practice, especially if you are looking to improve your forms! https://www.quickposes.com/en is my favorite. It has a feature where you can set it to show you different photos every 30-300 seconds to practice gesture drawing!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Just saw this on Twitter. Haven't actually gotten a chance to look at it closely, but I thought other people might also want to take a look https://twitter.com/Worstwizard/status/1183475129084329984?s=09

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

https://twitter.com/noahbradley/status/1185286707819827201?s=09

Attila Polyák

Loads of useful facebbok stuff I meant to post a long time ago, but never got around doing it: https://www.facebook.com/AikaLockheart/photos/a.413147142066258/2235198713194416/?type=3&theater https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=472362883489284&set=a.130547804337462&type=3&theater https://www.facebook.com/geektower/photos/pcb.1089341477902964/1089341267902985/?type=3&theater

MJ Massey

picking pens! From Jake Parker himself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNgYvTI09XE

MJ Massey

for anyone who likes podcasts, I enjoy 3 Point Perspective, particularly their most recent episode on building an online store and making sales https://open.spotify.com/episode/2twCBBjRWZlmzbvWkRoARG?si=N7PiY3UoTJCzq0zZovXsdg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Here's a good reference generator: https://line-of-action.com/

SAWHAND

Hope this counts as a resource, here's a list of Best Comic Covers in a given month by Paste magazine, it goes up to June 2019. It was really helping me get ideas for covers! https://www.pastemagazine.com/search?t=Best+Comic+Book+Covers&m=Galleries

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

This is great!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ooh, yeah, those are great.

I did a redraw where I added another 7, for shots that aren't in the original that I also get a ton of use out of: https://www.deviantart.com/erinptah/art/29-Panels-That-Always-Work-748887838

carcarchu

ooooh https://twitter.com/cathygjohn/status/1216093817734139904?s=20

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/ClipStudioTips/status/1217058241613651969

renieplayerone

This may have been shared before but i am a HUGE fan of SenshiStock. Their references are so good and ive used their stock photos for a ton of studies and practice too https://twitter.com/SenshiStock

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/celesse/status/1219674655663042561

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/dankelby/status/1220254171049418752

mariah (rainy day dreams)

https://kingofooo.tumblr.com/post/161105648449/by-storyboard-supervisor-erik-fountain-a-few

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://twitter.com/ImRachelBradley/status/1216042005698174977?s=19

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/cyanparade/status/1229450046480867328

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Feather J. Fern This is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEvMHRgPdyk

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Javi An oldie I still find useful for learning how to draw people: https://archive.org/details/andrew-loomis-drawing-the-head-hands/mode/2up

Nutty (Court of Roses)

https://twitter.com/Lowtwait/status/1232479451721502725

Artem Ficta (Ring Spell)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlh4PO-ISCA

video that looks into this current humble bundle pack

looks kind of interesting

doomedfrgarden

I'm not sure if Borodante's Over-Paint series has been posted here (I didn't see it, but I don't have my glasses so I can't promise a thorough search), but his digital painting tips have been incredibly helpful and inspiring to me, so I hope it helps someone else here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDKgohjbwY8&list=PL26-CxnLWOfD_h42yjpO44dPAo3-pijgb&index=23

Feather J. Fern

Found something that explains Bleed for comics. https://makingcomics.spiltink.org/pgtemplates/

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

A soft-shading demo I made for@Feather J. Fern & @Artem Ficta (Ring Spell) Sorry this took so long to complete! https://youtu.be/Cyc9EVissw0

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/hanari0716/status/931463182354227201

Mei

For people like me who mess up their bleeds and have to fix them in post, I had this lying in my bookmarks! https://twitter.com/TheDamnThinGuy/status/1190321427314032646?s=20

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There are lots of guides to tangents, and here is one I like a lot! http://curiousoldlibrary.blogspot.com/2011/10/schweizer-guide-to-spotting-tangents.html

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/Sasquatchiix/status/1236987090874667008 This is a visual novel zine but section 2 on resources actually has a lot of cross-over in terms of usability for comic creators, check it out if you feel like testing out some new tools! Update - I read through the articles now and I actually really recommend checking them out too for advice when it comes to story-writing and how to lay it all out(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

Want to share this with you all! https://creatureartteacher.com/product/fundamentals-of-animation/?fbclid=IwAR0ahSOtdTBPmi0cHQlBpyMK7RveLZXptqcLrFX559KQMOkp-oLjGG9JA_0 Fundamentals of Animation Course Aron Blaise a big disney animator, has an animation Course that take you through the princibles of animation. This course is free for a limited time if you want to learn about animation!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Really cool video I found about pricing your commissions: https://youtu.be/pN4P82Y_3k0

carcarchu

a handy tool for those who work in clip https://twitter.com/2TooToo2/status/1243101802435727360

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I'm not sure if this is the right channel, but I'm going around shouting about how Adobe users can get two months free because of the pandemic this morning. Here's an article about how to do it! https://www.creativebloq.com/news/adobe-payment-holiday?fbclid=IwAR108UH-2fQfvQzyc2STIHZh9H7LOzr1xvOoLPM_7pylHNoQ9isvMDT4wRw

I also made a tweet for easy sharing if you don't want to type your own. https://twitter.com/RainyDayMariah/status/1243573425697742848?s=20

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://twitter.com/metalsorcery/status/1247930202073829377?s=19 This is a survey to answer for webcomic creators to get their work featured in this newsletter! Open to every one!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Miranda (Into the Swell) This one's pretty good: https://www.deviantart.com/theinkyway/art/Manga-Studio-5-Clip-Studio-Paint-Brush-Pack-619455926

carcarchu

@Miranda (Into the Swell) this is my ultimate fave http://fav.me/d7s799d

carcarchu

this is handy reference image account that only posts pictures of suits and mundane things https://twitter.com/madarameBK

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Follow Art of Webcomics (on Twitter) which help independent creators host a site and share your page updates: https://series.artofwebcomics.com/(edited)

carcarchu

https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1725189 a handy sfx brush for clip studio paint that can help save some time with your process (it's got various effects built in the brush itself so you don't have to have several stroke layers to achieve the effect) it costs 2 dollars

SaltySalmonella

I made an SFX (sound effect) booklet for comic artists who are having difficulty visualizing sounds for their comics. It's free to download on Gumroad! https://gumroad.com/SaltySalmonella#VOZQM

Elliot

https://twitter.com/nicparris/status/1253710231781036043

CoppertheCarutor

I'm not sure if this goes in writing or art resources because it's art based, but the focus is on using colors to aid the story, but I thought this was a pretty neat video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXgFcNUWqX0&feature=emb_logo

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I was looking up some moonlight tutorials for an illustration last night. Figured I'd share~ https://tips.clip-studio.com/en-us/articles/1684

https://www.deviantart.com/ryky/art/MOON-easy-tutorial-399161176

carcarchu

https://youtu.be/LokpJy7KHpE Shilin talks about her thought processes when laying out her comic panels

carcarchu

some free flower assets for clip https://assets.clip-studio.com/ko-kr/search?user=miyage3&order=new

carcarchu

Reimena Yee did an interesting thread on the visual language used in comics https://twitter.com/reimenayee/status/1263755464853995521(edited)

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

yess I was hoping someone would put that up here!!! such a good resource

that reminded me of the 22 panels that always work, something I've been trying to utilize more when I get stuck working: https://cloudfour.com/thinks/22-panels-that-always-work-wally-woods-legendary-productivity-hack/

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

It's so reliable, last year I was able to recreate the whole thing using only pre-existing panels from Leif & Thorn. (Then added another row because there were a few other shots I keep coming back to...) https://leifandthorn.com/comic/erin-ptahs-29-panels-that-always-work/

(Note, there's a horizontal scrollbar under the image, since I uploaded the big version.)

DaeofthePast

found this tutorial/tips on drawing scars that I found useful https://jetfeather.tumblr.com/post/163383759536/i-have-a-hard-time-drawing-scars-how-do-you-do

carcarchu

For those who suffer from pain while drawing: https://twitter.com/lost_paw/status/1271540123688210433

Evil_Chippy (My Hero!)

https://twitter.com/Darchala/status/1272257378881175552?s=20

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§ Here's the brush pack. The one I used is called "Pensona": https://www.deviantart.com/theinkyway/art/Manga-Studio-5-Clip-Studio-Paint-Brush-Pack-619455926

carcarchu

How to draw a lot of books https://twitter.com/yoshida_seiji/status/1200432951671939073

carcarchu

Mentorship directory for this interested in that kind of thing https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1vfcr_F0utixw7D-rsbUoId1kwU2Ee_c_jXy2r5df-Jc/edit?usp=sharing

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

https://www.lackadaisy.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=333 A fun tutorial on drawing expressions

carcarchu

A really comprehensive look into the panel border tool in clip https://professorfaf.tumblr.com/post/178927411355/comic-paneling-tools-in-clip-studio-paint Great for beginners but even if you're already acquainted with them it's helpful for finding out things you may not have even realized

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED289uthfNQ&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR1ka0j6gwtFcj5aXS8wIj-zpgwaYiI2ncP-g4Tn6hL0h4VFa-rKn6MM_1Q this is my old illustration instructor who did a tutorial on watercolour if anyone was interested in the medium! her stuff is so vibrant and solid, and i was so happy to have her as my old prof!

CoppertheCarutor

Light bounce! https://twitter.com/KikiDoodleTweet/status/1276565894051753984?s=19

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/Ghadaaax/status/1277158331761807360 helpful tips!

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

Colorist K Michael Russell has been streaming nightly as he colors pages from comics he's working on, while giving tips and insight into his thought process: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCps08eOJfFRm00TE5LStIIg

carcarchu

Advice on how to utilize speedlines https://youtu.be/Y_3Rbjn_0r0

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just have to plug this amazing program here: https://affinity.serif.com/en-gb/publisher/ It's basically a replacement program for Adobe inDesign, but waaay cheaper. If you're like me and have sworn off Adobe, I highly recommend it. I've been messing with it all day to begin setting up my first volume for print, and I love it so far, especially after trying other budget publishing softwares. Can't recommend it enough.

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hii! https://www.dropbox.com/sh/m8yv10gevqv2x5s/AACVoWTvK-B7qB1yRGUZadB5a?dl=0 Here is a little gallery of fat bodies!

carcarchu

world building tool thing https://www.worldanvil.com/artist i haven't tried it out yet but it looks interesting!

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/soteikat/status/1285036231592558592 takie made some free to use comic resources!

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/aeipathea/status/1285048061518061569

carcarchu

it is a website that shares dimensions for things. Helpful for referencing proportions https://www.dimensions.com/(edited)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I don't necessarily agreed with everything they said, but it's still a good video, and I definitely agree with many of the points they brought up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZQKeHnKK90

Especically the "stop drawing _" advice

I dealt with that a lot in school

[devinsfm]

joe keery. cis male. he/him.  ／  jack devin just pulled up blasting video killed the radio star by the buggles — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old radio show host, i’ve heard they’re really impulsive, but that they make up for it by being so captivating. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say obscure vintage horror comics, blurry photographs of mysterious figures in the woods, and vivid descriptions of spine - chilling tales  . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( sam, 23, est, she/her )

hey there, demons ! *ba tum tss* i’m sam and i never do this, but i really felt like it was time for a change, so i drew lots of inspiration from some of my favorite ocs and i love what i’ve come up with ! character info is under the cut and please feel free to message me if you would like to plot !

i. stats

𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢: jackson willard devin

𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰: jack, spooky guy, the night watchman 

𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫: salem, massachusetts

𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥: ocotber 31st, 1995

𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠: scorpio

𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: demisexual

𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight from 12am to 5am

𝔭𝔬𝔰. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: captivating, witty, resolute. 

𝔫𝔢𝔤. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: impulsive, gauche, naive.

ii. history

jackson willard “jack” devin was born on halloween day ( yes, really ) in salem massachusetts ( yes, really ). his mother stayed home with him as he was growing up while his father is a boston cop turned sheriff of the county and he’s an only child.

outside of the popular tourist spots, his hometown has a very close - knit, stuck in the 80s vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone for their entire lives because no one ever leaves and no one new ever moves in. phone and internet signals are nearly impossible to come by, so the local arcade and the video store still have quite a booming business in the year 2020. jack grew up in a not - so - typical small town suburban gothic environment, his dad’s income being just enough for them to get by every month.

he was an energetic kid who cycled through all sorts of interests, trying out everything from little league ( disaster ) to music lessons ( not as much of a disaster, but he wound up getting bored of it ). nothing seemed to really stick until he got his first horror comic : a vintage issue of tales from the crypt with tattered, yellowing pages. he was five years old and paid five cents for it at an elderly neighbor’s yard sale and from that moment on he was hooked. it started with the comics, but he quickly expanded his horizons to movies, books, and television in the genre of horror.

he got intro drawing and that was the only thing besides his newfound interest in horror that he could sit still for. at first he would just try to re - draw the panels in his comic books, but soon he was drawing anything and everything that caught his interest and he was getting good. he was being homeschooled by his mother at the time, but once friends and family and, well, everyone took notice of his skill, they were encouraging his parents to nurture his talent.

his parents fought about it. his dad didn’t see the value in his skill and wanted him to instead focus on academics, aspiring towards his son one day becoming a lawyer or a businessman or even following in his footsteps. jack never wanted that for himself. he was homeschooled by his mom up until then and she believed in him. it was with her blessing that he would go to a real school for the first time at the age of fourteen, starting off his freshman year at a high school that was a thirty minute train ride away in boston and catered exclusively to youth who demonstrated an exceptional talent in some area of the fine arts.

jack did well in school, but his grades probably would have been a lot better still if he didn’t start purposely acting out as his relationship with his dad got worse and worse. he started skipping classes, getting caught trespassing in cemeteries at 2am, and smoking a lot of weed. 

when it came time for college, jack planned to attend art school. he swears he did. he looked a few schools on the west coast to get away from his dad for a few years yikes and planned to apply, but on the deadline date he got so high that he forgot to submit his portfolios. yes, really.

he loaded up his van ( a turquiose monstrosity he painted to look like the mystery machine ) and headed out to california anyway after telling his parents that he would be attending UCLA. of course, they quickly found it that it was a lie and his dad was furious. the two got into a huge fight over the phone and things were said. the result is that jack and his father haven’t spoken to each other ever since. 

he did lots of odd jobs while he was on the road and basically lived in his van, which didn’t change right away when he decided to settle in LA, but he eventually got a job fetching coffee for the late night employees at a local radio station.

it was the typical, cliché story : the regular late night host called out of work at the last minute, there was no one else around and they were going to be on air in ten seconds. jack was thrown in front of the microphone and told to think fast !

he did, and the listeners loved him for it. whether it was his ramblings about horror movies or his thick boston accent or his reckless use of swear words on live radio, he turned out to be a massive hit. the successful night earned him a gig as an occasional substitute deejay, and with each broadcast he grew more and more popular, and about two years ago he was finally given his own program.

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the los angeles area and on apps such as iheartradio. jack hosts the show as his ( thinly veiled ) alter ego the night watchmen and discusses topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things horror. it’s one of the most popular programs of the time slot in the country.

it’s something that he never expected or picturing himself doing, but now he can’t imagine doing anything else. he’s become really passionate about revitalizing the field and bringing radio into the 21st century. he signed a HUGE contract with the studio when his show first started and now he’s a quite well known radio personality in the area and across the country.

iii. extras

huge stoner. high as fuck 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time he’s probably still high, just not as fuck. 

well known for his on air antics. he’ll light a joint in the middle of his radio show, he’ll prank call a friend and broadcast it to the entire city, he’ll curse in every single sentence and skate by on the after hours excuse when he’s reprimanded for it. he’s so outlandish and bizarre and like nothing that’s ever been heard on the radio before, and it just draws people in.

he often seems shy in person, but it’s more like he’s just a little socially awkward, something which also shines through in occasional non - malicious but blunt remarks and general lack of regard for what people think of him. he really just...doesn’t care.

genuinely seems to believe it’s either halloween day and / or the year 1986 at any given moment as that’s about as recent as his pop culture references get. he’s never heard of the k*rdashians, he doesn’t know what the mcu is, and the phrase yeet means absolutely nothing to him. mention any of it to him and he’ll just stare blankly bc he honestly doesn’t have a clue.

HOWEVER, he did start the area 51 meme from last summer.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

still draws. especially if he has to still for a stretch of time, then he’ll take out his latest sketchbook ( he goes through a lot of them ) and start doodling. he’s still quite good, mostly in his favored comic - esque style.

BIG CHAOTIC ENERGY and ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL

a chatterbox with friends but don’t be fooled...he’s been giving his own dad the silent treatment for almost seven ( 7 ) years now. it’s his preferred method of expressing anger towards someone because he isn’t really a fan of confrontation, but he’s maybe a liiiittle bit stubborn.

most of the time he’s a really easygoing person, a good friend and very loyal to the people he cares about. well - meaning, not the best at advice but he’s more likely to try and cheer a person up anyway. 

he has a pet pied ball python named the crypt keeper ( tkc for short ) who he sometimes just carries with him because he likes to just chill wrapped around jack’s hand and arm. 

iv. wanted connections

maternal or paternal cousins ( their grandparents probably live in boston or new england but otherwise anything goes for this )

close friends

friends

guests on his radio show 

fans / haters of his radio show

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

exes ( 1 - 2, can be on good or bad terms )

“casually dating” but it might get real complicated soon - allie james

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

[justanalto]

quarantine tag game

i was tagged by @crazyrichfilipinos (hi and ty!) 

1. Are you staying home from work/school?

yup. no school, no temp assignments...just a big ole unemployment void. so this is what it’ll be like when i’m older. 

2. If you’re staying at home, who’s there with you?

the other three members of my family and the voices of everyone my mom calls on the daily. 

3. Do you have pets to keep you company?

no, and i really wish i had at least a hamster. a dog would be preferable. i’d even take a cat.

4. What do you miss the most?

i miss a lot of things. i think mainly i just miss having a sense of purpose? i got caught in the unemployment crossfire (without actually being able to file for unemployment welp) and everyone else in my house is learning online/working while i’m just kinda...floating around doing nothing. 

5. When was the last time you left your home?

march 14. i went to the gym and picked up some picture frames from ikea, and the next day began the stay-at-home advisory. the last time i physically left the house was about two weeks ago, when i went photographing, touched the ground and subsequently panicked about getting sick for the next week. (this was fueled by my mom’s reaction and i know she’s right but also still it’s a Lot)

6. What was the last thing you brought?

overcooked and overcooked 2 for steam baby! they were both on sale and i’ve just been playing with my friends. about to buy jackbox 5 tho cause it’s also on sale and might debut it at my possible zoom grad party.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

i have never been less relaxed because literally every anxiety is in play every single moment of the day

8. Are you a homebody?

i used to be! then i went to college and all that stuff. home is a great base to touch in on every now and again, but being home requires me to take up a specific role that i’m not comfortable being in for the rest of my life. i also fell in love with travelling, so...no, I guess? i’m a homebody in the sense that I enjoy quiet nights in. but other than that let me out of here please i’m begging you

9. What are movies you have watched recently?

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE. THE GAY. oh! and saving face, because bitches can’t WAIT for the half of it! it’s me. i’m bitches. 

my ultimate goal is to work through the list of movies i want to watch (snowpiercer, parasite, knives out, to all the boys 2, etc.) and then work my way back through the movies i haven’t seen in a long time (princess diaries 1 + 2, all three Lilo and Stitches, camp rock)

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

just...everything. commencement ball. commencements parts I-IV. the acapella concerts I was supposed to see my friends at because it was their last hurrah. the conference where I was supposed to present the thesis project that stripped me of my mental health during my last semester of college! my friend and I were supposed to go see AJR in may. we were all supposed to throw grad parties. class of 2020 really got gypped y’all. the start of a marketing position i’d just secured with a temp company. 

11. What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

probably commencement. it was supposed to be a last hurrah with my friends because I wouldn’t have hung out with them since i left uni the semester before. our crowning achievement, if you will. the defining moment that said yes, despite every piece of drama and every bit of trauma along the way, we made it and we’re ready to fuck up the world. the crowning glory. and now all of that’s been stripped away and instead, society’s just going to throw us into the dry pool called the job market. commencement was supposed to be the breath of air before we went back to trying to swim against a current. now it’s just a continuous struggle that won’t be made better because no one can retire. plus the market, which is normally fucked for creatives, is going to be extra fucked because no company has ‘money’.  

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

uhhhh...i mean i guess when you put it that way, it would be the research conference. i was not ready to turn my brain back into academic mode. 

13. Do you have any new hobbies?

not new hobbies per se...just re-picked up a lot of old ones? knitting, writing, photography. folding stars. all sort of muscle memory things you can do while binge-watching TV. i’m in the process of making jars of little stars for my senior friends because they’re ‘senior stars’! cue ‘we’re all in this together’. 

but in all seriousness (and cheesiness, sorry guys) i wanted to make them something that was decorative and cute and reminded them that they were important. like stars. and just as like. a present. ‘cause they deserve that. 

14. What are you out of?

serotonin, dopamine and a will to live, almost. i’m so tired y’all.

15. What music are you listening too?

mostly my current music playlist, but i’m trolling my friends’ playlists too. i am repeating “complicated” from sex&drugs&rock&roll, though, mainly because i’m resonating with it so deeply to the point where i want to cry. and am unable to. as one does.

16. What shows are you watching?

a lot of the shows i watch ended production early so that’s really no more for grey’s...ok basically just grey’s ended early but i’m still watching 9-1-1 because they’re still producing regularly. b99 is too but I think they’re just about to wrap up. i’ve been meaning to start the recent season of odaat but i’ve just been watching the old episodes on netflix because idt we can get poptv. 

i started rewatching victorious, i’m at a pause with dynasty and sex&drugs&rock&roll mainly because of formatting. does anyone have any tv recs? 

17. What are you reading?

i’ve been meaning to start into the interior by michelle cliff, and after that i’d really like to re-read ‘i hate everyone but you’ by gaby dunn and allison raskin. i’d like more gay books tho.

18. What are you doing for self care?

watching a lot of the try guys. in the middle of trying to reset my sleeping clock tho.

19. Are you exercising?

i....am. mainly because not exercising makes me feel worse about myself and i can already sense the hell i’m going to catch if I don’t look good for my cousin’s wedding. (we’re gonna assume it happens.) 

20. How’s your toilet paper supply?

when we first started this whole thing, i looked in the basement and uh...let’s just say we’re gonna be pretty okay for a while. still hasn’t stopped me from monitoring my sheet usage though.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

i cut my hair short just before quarantine, actually! so i’ve sort of been revelling in that. if this goes on for a while longer i might trim it myself, just because i would rather stay short than go long again for the sake of my own sanity. 

tagging: @agentmmayy @peacequack @lalalyds2 @the-writer-girl-nerd and anyone else that feels like doing this lovely quarantine tag or is slowly trying not to go insane

[genvieve-of-the-wood]

8 or So People I’d Like to Get to Know ( Tag Game)

Well, Mark @definegodliness has tagged me therefore I am compelled to answer these questions. The real question is..how accurately? Am I joking? What if I’m actually taken over by a wandering spirit or I’m in the Witness Protection Program? All good questions to ask when reading these answers.

I. Name: Jen, short for Jennifer

II. Date of my latest incarnation on this planet : 8/30- the year? Let’s just say I’m the age where I was able to see the original Ramones play.. except Dee Dee Ramone, Tommy and Richie Ramone. I believe my age group are called “ Generation X”..whatever that means? Another hint, I was a toddler when they impeached Nixon.

III. Sign: Virgo with Taurus Moon and Capricorn rising

IV. Height - 5 ft. 4 inches, but my shadow is oh so loooonnngg

V. Hobbies- Reading too many things at once, acrylic pour painting, knitting, collect records of all kinds of music genres, collect old books on various subjects that fascinate me, baking, dancing, obsessing over a subject and learning about it as much as possible, growing herbs/flowers, starting new hobbies

VI. Fave color? Depends on my mood, but I do wear an excessive amount of blue in many shades

VII. Books- Depends. Do we mean books we read as a child or teenager or now? I love Ursula K LeGuin, Tolkien, Neil Gaiman, Lev Grossman, Gabriel Garcia Marquez’, Paulo Coelho, Flannery O’Connor, Toni Morrison, Jane Austen, Mary Shelley, etc, etc etc.Poets- e.e. cummings, Pablo Neruda, Mary Oliver, Adrienne Rich, you know what- this is a vast list. I’ll get back to you on books and poets.

VIII. Last Song I heard today - David Bowie “The Jean Genie” off a greatest hits album

IX. Last Movie - “Scooby Doo” with my two boys. It’s one of their old repeat favorites along with Princess Bride, Wallace and Grommit anything, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Napoleon Dynamite. However, also just finished “Marianne” series on Netflix. Scary, scary, SCARY! Worth a little lost sleep.

X. Inspiration/Muse- Can disillusionment be inspiring? Loss? Grief? Heart break? Yes, because their opposites inspire me also. Muse? The forest and my trees. A person? No. Various people I meet day in and out, yes. I think you can love people and have them inspire you but I think you can also have people you dislike who energize you to write, too.

XI. Dream job- I wanted to write for National Geographic when I was younger or be an environmentalist lawyer. I’d love to make a living writing or a job that keeps me creatively engaged plus being able to work from home. However, I live in a country that thinks healthcare is setting up GoFundMe pages to pay for cancer treatments since insurance is sure as hell not going to pay for all of it. So, I work a job that has health insurance since I am a single parent and hope I never have to have a bake sale to help pay for a necessary surgery. I’d like to give supernatural tours of interesting places, too.

I’ll tag the following folks and if they feel so inclined, can participate. If not, I will respect that, too. My feelings won’t get hurt, we’ve all got reasons. I was amazed I sat myself down to do this. I usually have a lot to do when I get home from work. Anyway- I tag @drearydaffodil @ellenya @barbaranestor2 @behindthelastdoor @gipsyspirits @readsal @rarasworldbro @warxpunkxmonk @aubriestar @teaberrybee @quaintobsessions there’s more but I’ve gone past 8 already. 😎

[rpf-bat]

The Hardest Part Of This Is Leaving You

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Angst, Drama

Summary: Gerard should be playing a sold-out show. Instead, he’s in a hospital bed, fighting liver cancer. Can the doctors grant him a miracle? Or, is this the end?

“We need to have this conversation,” Gerard insisted, crossing his frail arms, as he sat on his hospital bed. 

“No, we don’t,” you frowned. “The procedure is gonna be a success. The doctors are gonna cure you.”

“Honey, it’s already stage three,” Gerard confessed realistically. “You know if it progresses to stage four, I’m a goner.” 

“We flew across the country, to this hospital, so that it won’t progress to stage four,” you insisted. “I want to believe that the surgery will be a success.” 

“You can hope for the best,” Gerard sighed, rubbing his hand through what was left of his short, blonde hair, “but you have to be ready for the worst, too.” 

“I’m not ready for it,” you admitted, tears choking your voice. “I hate seeing you so emaciated, in such pain, and not being able to do a thing about it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Gerard soothed, getting up from the cot to gather you in his arms. “Cancer can affect anyone. Nobody knows why it chooses its victims.” 

“Gee, you need to get back in bed,” you insisted. You couldn’t have him falling again. “I should be the one consoling you, when you’re going through all this shit, not the other way around.” 

He slumped back onto his pillows, frowning. You remembered how he used to look in the morning, his long locks strewn out on your bed behind him as he was just waking up. He looked so gorgeous then. You remembered the horror you had felt, the first time one of those handsome strands had fallen out. And then he’d begun to lose them in clumps….

“I hate you seeing me like this,” he said softly. “I’m weak, and ugly now. I’m not the man you fell in love with.” 

“Yes, you are, Gee,” you assured him, taking his too-thin hand in your own. “I promised to stay with you in sickness or health, and I meant that.” 

“We could’ve had a nicer ceremony, if we weren’t in such a rush, because of me,” Gerard sighed. “I wish you could’ve had a big church wedding, like in the movies. You deserve that.”

Instead, you’d just gone down to the courthouse one afternoon, and signed a marriage certificate. There had been little formality to it. 

“You said you wanted to make me your wife, before the end came,” you reminded. “I could never refuse you your dying wish.”

“So you do, in fact, acknowledge that I’m dying,” your husband said, with a wry smile. 

“Maybe the doctors will give us a miracle,” you insisted hopefully. “And we can do the big ceremony, with the white dress and all that, later, once you’re feeling healthy again.” 

“I’m never going to be healthy again, sugar,” Gerard mumbled. “The sooner you accept it, the easier it’s gonna be.” 

How could you possibly accept it? Gerard was still so young. Only twenty-nine years old. He’d just recorded perhaps the greatest album of his career. 

The papers were already saying things like, he will leave behind this record, as his legacy. But, you thought he still had so many songs in him left to write. He deserved a chance to compose them, didn’t he? 

You couldn’t forget how he’d cried, when he’d had to make the announcement, that he was cancelling the rest of the tour. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans, but his condition was just deteriorating far too fast. 

His bandmates had cried, too. They knew that that last show, might be the last chance they ever had to perform by his side. They weren’t ready for the band to come to such an abrupt end. They’d played their hearts out, even with tears streaming down their cheeks. 

“You’re gonna get better,” you said stubbornly. “Then, you can reschedule those tour dates, go back to doing what you love.” 

“Y/N, please be realistic,” Gerard pleaded, squeezing your hand tighter. “Just….read it, won’t you?”

“No,” you sobbed. “No, I don’t want to read your will.”

“I spent all this time writing it,” Gerard sighed. “I put a lot of thought into it.” 

“I don’t want you thinking about who gets your stuff when you’re gone,” you cried. “I don’t want you giving up - I want to hear you say that you’re determined to live!” 

“You think I don’t want to live?!” Gerard demanded. “You think I don’t wish every day, that I could have more days, more nights, with you? You think I don’t regret spending months away, with the band, when I should have spent every single day in your arms? I wanted to be with you until your dying day. I wanted us to grow old together. And I hate the thought of you having to bury me so soon. But it’s not up to me! I only have as many days,  as God is willing to give me on this earth.” 

“God is a bastard,” you hissed, “for stealing you away from me. From all the kids who need you, too. If He’s even up there at all.” 

“Now’s not the time to go dissing the man,” Gerard chuckled mirthlessly. “If this surgery doesn’t do what you’re hoping it will do, getting on your knees to pray, will be the only option you have left.” 

You couldn’t hold back your tears. You reached over and just held him tight, squeezing him until you worried it might hurt his fragile body. But, he didn’t pull away. 

“I don’t want to let you go, Y/N,” Gerard whispered desperately. “Not now. Not ever.” 

You clung ever tighter, stroking his back gently, hating how you could so easily feel his bones. 

“I don’t wanna leave you,” Gerard confessed vulnerably. “I don’t wanna go yet.” 

You didn’t know what to say. You just kept hugging him, and crying. He was right - at the end of the day, what he wanted, might not make a difference at all. 

At last, he raised his head to look at you. “If the end comes for me, my love…” 

“Yes?” 

“You don’t wanna read it, fine, I’ll summarize it for ya,” Gerard said bitterly. “I’m leaving you everything that I got. All the money I’ve earned off CD sales, ticket sales, merch sales….all that shit’s gonna be yours. Do whatever you want with it. Buy a mansion. Buy a car. Take a vacation to Aruba, to try and forget about me.” 

“As if I could ever forget you, Gee,” you replied, shocked by the harsh tone that had suddenly entered his voice. “You’re the love of my life, don’t you know that? You’re the only one for me.” 

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Gerard warned. “I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life just...mourning me, as my widow. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Someday, I hope you’ll be able to find somebody else.” 

“I don’t want anybody else,” you vowed. “I want you, Gee. And I don’t give a fuck about the money. I don’t care if I live in a cardboard box, as long as you’re living there with me.” 

“I don’t think I’m going to be doing much living, sugar,” Gerard sighed hopelessly. “With you, or without you.” 

You heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and jumped off the hospital bed in surprise, as a nurse entered the room. 

“Mr. Way,” she said softly. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re ready to take you into surgery now.” 

You watched her wheel the gurney out of the room, towards the OR. You saw the defeated look in his eyes as he left your side, regardless of what he’d just said a few minutes ago. 

Now, all you could do was wait. You knew it might be hours before the procedure was complete. The doctors would call you when it was over, to give you the good news, or bad news. You had no way of knowing which it would be. 

You began to wander the hospital corridors aimlessly, until you came upon a small, empty chapel. You knelt down in a pew, unsure what else to do. 

Please let the doctors save him, you begged, even though you weren’t sure if anyone was listening. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“Mrs. Way?” a soft voice asked, as you felt a tap on your shoulder. It took you a second to realize the nurse was speaking to you - it had only been a short time ago, that you’d taken Gerard’s name. 

“Your husband just came out of surgery,” she explained. “He’s in room 1023. The anesthesia should be wearing off. He should be waking up soon.” 

You didn’t wait to hear any more. You rushed to Gerard’s side. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You stroked his hair as you watched him sleep. He looked like an angel. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he mumbled, a smile spreading across his face, as he stirred at your touch. You still thought he was beautiful, too, even with the breathing tubes stuck up his nose. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked gently. 

“I’m on a lot of painkillers right now,” Gerard chuckled. “So right now, I’m not feeling very much at all.” 

“The area we operated on, may hurt quite a bit later, unfortunately,” said a somber voice, and you turned to see a doctor with a clipboard, standing at the entrance to the room. 

Gerard pulled up his hospital gown, to gaze down at the bandage that now covered most of his abdomen. 

“We’re fortunate,” the doctor went on, “that a combination of aggressive chemotherapy, and trans-arterial embolization, gave us enough time to find you a donor.” 

“I know I only got moved to the top of the transplant waiting list, because I’m a celebrity,” Gerard said guiltily. “There are other people who need new organs just as much as me, who just can’t afford to be treated at the best hospitals in the country, like I can.” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Mr. Way,” the doctor cautioned. “There’s still a chance that your body could reject your new liver.” 

“What happens if it does?” you asked, grabbing hold of Gerard’s hand again. What if you came all this way for nothing? 

“If the cancer has metastasized to too great a degree, then, unfortunately, the transplant may prove ineffective,” the doctor acknowledged. 

“And then I’ll die,” Gerard realized somberly. 

“Yes, Mr. Way,” the doctor nodded sadly. “We will, of course, be administering cyclosporine to you via IV, to reduce the chances of transplant rejection. But, if you develop a fever, or if you begin to experience severe abdominal swelling, you should alert us immediately.” 

“Because the organ you just gave me, could turn traitor and kill me, too,” Gerard huffed. “Just as easily as the disease that you’re trying to cure.” 

“Cancer is one of the most difficult diseases in this world to treat, Mr. Way,” the doctor sighed. “But, we will hope for the best.” 

Hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. 

You were so sick of hearing this. You just wanted to know if the man you loved would be okay, or not! 

The doctor excused himself, and Gerard tugged on your hand as soon as you were alone, sending you tumbling into his hospital bed. 

“Careful!” you cautioned. “You don’t want to pop a stitch!”

“I just….need you in my arms right now,” Gerard said passionately. “I’m scared, Y/N.”

You complied with his request, embracing him gently. You wanted to hold him tighter, but you didn’t want to hurt him. 

“I’m scared, too,” you said softly. “We still don’t know how this is gonna end up….if you’re going to go into remission, or not.” 

“But, for tonight, I’m alive,” Gerard smiled, and wiped a tear from your lashes. “I know any moment could be my last….but I’m so happy that in this moment, my heart is still beating, and you are here, by my side.”

“There’s nowhere in this world,” you promised, “that I would rather be.” 

“Kiss me now,” Gerard begged. “And one day, if I live through this, if my body can take it, just ravish me.” 

“You know I will,” you smiled softly, and bent, and placed your lips on his. Nothing was certain tonight  - except for the love that you shared together. But, even if Gerard saw it as a foregone conclusion, you weren’t ready to give up on him just yet.

A/N: This story may be fictional, but for many people, the pain of watching a loved one go through cancer, and it’s treatment, is all too real. If you are able, please consider donating to Be The Match, an organization that helps match leukemia patients with bone marrow donors. 

https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-financially/

If you are 18+ and in good health, you can also register as an organ donor, if you wish, through Donate Life.

https://www.donatelife.net/