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excusethequality · 1 year ago

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My 2023 in Film

Part 7: 301-End

I made it to the end! Perhaps in 2024 I should do this monthly and save myself from running this gauntlet again in a year? Probably only matters if anyone has actually been reading all this. Anyways, it was a busy year for movies. Don't think I'll reach those numbers again. In any case, welcome to the end.

Link to Part I

Link to Part II

Link to Part III

Link to Part IV

Link to Part V

Link to Part VI

301.

The Secret of Roan Inish (1994) ---Fantasy Family Drama

A young Irish girl begins to learn the magical secrets in her family's history after she is sent to live with her grandparents in a rural fishing village. [+]

302.

Boys from County Hell (2020) ---Horror Comedy

Construction workers accidentally unleash an ancient evil when they decide a highway bypass is more important than ancient traditions. [=]

303.

How to Build a Girl (2019) ---Coming-of-Age Comedy Drama

A high schooler decides she's sick of who she is and reinvents herself in order to get a job as a music critic. [--]

[while I didn't care for the movie at all, I feel compelled to point out that it is based on a fantastic novel of the same name, so please don't judge the book based on this.]

304.

The Marvels (2023) ---Superhero Adventure

Saving the universe has just gotten a whole lot harder when Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, and Monica Rambeau become entangled and keep swapping places. [=]

305.

The Last Duel (2021) ---Period Drama

Two former comrades in 14th century France accept to use a duel to the death in lieu of a trial after one of them is accused of raping the other's wife. [=]

306.

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965) ---Thriller

During the Cold War a British spy accepts a dangerous mission where allegiances are always being tested and nothing is as it seems. [=]

307.

Under the Silver Lake (2018) ---Mystery Drama

When his enigmatic neighbor disappears an out-of-work loser goes to great lengths to try and find her. [=]

308.

Captain Fantastic (2016) ---Comedy Drama

A man has been raising his kids off-the-grid in the forests of Washington. But after the death of his wife the family must journey into the real world to attend the funeral. [+]

309.

Umma (2022) ---Horror Drama

When a Korean mother immigrates to America with her newborn daughter the pain and trauma she experiences will create a cycle of trauma that threatens to reverberate down from one generation to the next. [=]

310.

Wait Until Dark (1967) ---Thriller

A gang of criminals attempt to gaslight a blind woman when they come to suspect a hidden illicit package was delivered to her by mistake. [=]

311.

Strictly Ballroom (1992) ---Dance Romance Drama comedy

A ballroom dancer determined to upset the status quo must look outside the usual pool of candidates for a partner in his intended revolution. [=]

312.

The Kid Detective (2020) ---Mystery Dark Comedy

A former kid detective finds a chance to prove his worth and make up for his greatest failure when a real murder case lands on his desk. [+]

313.

Her (2013) ---Sci-Fi Romance Drama

A man falls in love with his sentient new AI operating system. [=]

314.

Once Were Warriors (1994) ---Drama

A Maori family in New Zealand struggles to do what's best for themselves and their family in a world where poverty and generational trauma threaten to turn them all into their own worst enemies. [+]

315.

Just One of the Guys (1985) ---Comedy

A high school journalist is convinced that she isn't getting a fair shot due to her gender. In order to prove her hypothesis she disguises herself as a boy and enrolls at a neighboring school. [=]

316.

Klute (1971) ---Mystery Thriller

When the police fail to find a missing person a small-time private eye is hired to do his own investigation. His only real lead? The man's connection to a mysterious NYC sex worker. [=]

317.

Shane (1953) ---Western

A former gunslinger tries to start a new life for himself, but his desire to leave violence behind him is tested when he encounters a group of poor homesteaders who are being threatened by a ruthless cattle baron. [=]

318.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) ---Animated Comedic Fantasy Adventure

Puss in Boots has learned he is down to his last life. In order to avoid taking stock of his life and legacy he decides to undertake a desperate quest to find a magical wish to grant him another 9 lives. [+]

319.

The Skeleton Twins (2014) * ---Drama Dark Comedy

A pair of estranged twins are reunited when one of them attempts suicide. [++]

320.

Ugetsu (1953) ---Period Fantasy Drama

During Japan's Warring States period two men are desperate for different fates than the ones they were dealt. However, when they get their chances they find that perhaps their dreams come with steep prices. [+]

321.

The Blackening (2022) ---Horror Comedy

A group of black friends rent a cabin for their annual Juneteenth reunion. However, this year they have an unintended guest: a crazed murderer! [=]

322.

The Book of Henry (2017) ---Family Crime Thriller

After her genius son dies, a mother discovers his last request of her: to kill their neighbor. [--]

323.

Tenet (2020) ---Sci-Fi Action

When a CIA agent encounters a strange new technology during an extraction mission he is thrown down a rabbit hole of conspiracy, terrorism, and time travel. [-]

324.

Old Joy (2006) ---Road Trip Drama

Two old friends who've grown apart reunite to take a weekend trip to a hot spring in Oregon. [+]

325.

Forrest Gump (1994) * ---Drama Adventure

An odd man whose life has a strange habit of interweaving with American history recounts the story of his life as he waits for a bus. [+]

326.

The Lady Vanishes (1938) ---Mystery Thriller

An English tourist is returning home from a European vacation when she encounters a strange and potentially deadly mystery. After waking up from a nap on the train ride home she finds that the old woman she had befriended on the train has disappeared. What makes matters worse is that no one else on the train seems to believe that this woman ever existed in the first place. [+]

327.

The New King of Comedy (2019) ---Comedy Drama

A woman struggles to achieve her dreams of being an actor while everyone around her tries to get her to quit. [=]

328.

The Innocents (1961) ---Horror

An adaptation of Henry James' "The Turn of the Screw", about a young governess who becomes increasingly paranoid that something supernatural may be haunting the grounds of Bly Manor and threatening the welfare of the young siblings in her care. [=]

329.

Petite Maman (2021) *

See #295

330.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) ---Period Drama

The story of the events leading up to 19th century American outlaw Jesse James' death at the hands of Robert Ford. [+]

331.

Looking for Her (2022) ---Queer Holiday Romance

Taylor is shocked to learn that her parents have invited her and her girlfriend to Christmas for the first time since she came out to them. There's just one problem: her girlfriend and her have since broken up. There's only one solution: put out an ad for someone willing to pretend to be her ex for the weekend. [+]

332.

Merry & Gay (2022) ---Queer Holiday Romance

A broadway actor goes home to her small town for Christmas for the first time in years. Her friends and family decide this is the perfect opportunity to get her back together with her ex. [=]

333.

Single White Female (1992) ---Thriller

A woman needs to get a roommate and it all goes great until it doesn't. [=]

334.

Chocolate Babies (1996) ---Queer Drama

During the AIDS epidemic a group of queer activists in NYC take extreme measures to fight against the politicians who would rather be part of the problem then the solution. [+]

335.

Beans (2020) ---Coming-of-Age Drama

A young native girl tries to make sense of her life during the 1990 Oka Crisis that threatens to change her view of the world forever. [+]

336.

Gemini (2017) ---Mystery

The personal assistant to a Hollywood starlet must take extreme measures when an incident with her boss forces her to get to the bottom of a mystery. [-]

337.

The Bad Seed (1956) ---Horror

A mother slowly begins to suspect that her little girl might actually be evil incarnate. [+]

338.

La Haine (1995) ---Coming-of-Age Crime

After a riot in a poor French suburb 3 young men come across a gun. Now feeling empowered they spend the day attempting to open doors that used to be closed to them. [+]

339.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) ---Animated Fantasy Adventure

A brother and brother plumbing team win up getting transported to a fantastical world. Now because of reasons they are the only ones who stand in the way of a warlord's quest for love and power. [--]

340.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) * ---Holiday Comedy

A family man's quest to have a perfect old-fashioned family Christmas soon becomes a madman's obsession for an impossible dream when Murphy's law begins to take hold. [+]

341.

Spontaneous (2020) ---Coming-of-Age Magical Realism Rom-Com

A class of high school seniors are forced to deal with their uncertain futures earlier then they planned when they begin to inexplicably explode. [+]

342.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) *

See #156

343.

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017) * ---Holiday Coming-of-Age Musical Horror Comedy

A group of high schools try to make sense of their future in world that seems on the edge of collapse...and that was before all the friggin' zombies showed up. [+]

344.

Hogfather (2006) * ---Holiday Fantasy

It's the night before the midwinter celebration of Hogswatch on the Discworld and an assassin has just enacted a diabolical plan to kill the Hogfather. Now it's up to Death and his granddaughter Susan to find a way to save the day. [++]

345.

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988) ---Horror

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to camp the camp killings begin again. [--]

346.

Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989) ---Horror

Trying to get away from camp's history of brutal murders the camp holds a special social experiment by bringing teens from both rich and poor families and have them learn from one another through the power of camp fun. Too bad the killer is back and just so loves killin' campers. [-]

347.

Werewolves Within (2021) *

See #150

#xcusethequality

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smushedmuffin · 1 year ago

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<3 thanks for the tag (i kinda forgot about it for a couple days) (BUT. I remembered it again)

Name - muffin

Pronouns - i dont really care, but she/he/they (in no particular priority)

Star Sign - Libra ♎️

# of Siblings - 1 younger (i radiate older sibling vibes irl)

# of Pets - None :(

Fandom - uhhh, omniscient reader’s viewpoint, onlyoneof, skz sort of, pjo (renewed hyperfixation because of the show), a lot of webtoons/manhwas

Favorite Color - Green recently

Favorite Song - you dare make me pick one?? [babygirl by boywithuke or gaslighting by onlyoneof or into you by ariana grande] (actually idk) (you gotta understand, i hyperfixate on songs. i loop a song for three days straight and then never listen to it again)

Favorite Author - i was going to say idk bro, but then i remembered about the existance of Shaun Hutchinson. i think ive read all of his books and only like 5 pages have made me mildly annoyed when they werent supposed to

Hobbies - Swimming (wheeee im on a winter team this season and im like the slowest in my group but its a-ok), reading [manhwas or fics, i dont really read novels anymore], sleeping (i practice sleeping a lot)

Favorite Fic Type - exes to lovers, time loops, times loops again, established relationship, she-fell-first-but-they-fell-harder (im just listing tropes i like because i have 3 fics i like and i usually just reread those)

Favorite Holiday - Toss up between Durga Pujo and Christmas

Partners - nope

Fun Facts / Other:

Probably got the adhd from my mums side

somehow still a good student (so far)

i like math and science (language arts/english is disgusting. or maybe i just get bad teachers because i liked it for the first and only time last year)

Im bengali, but i can write/read it as well as a 5 year old (i can speak it tho)

i got my online name / url from a Slope leader board (there was a person called smushed pancake and i thought that was a good name but i also didnt want to steal their name like a fae)

i want to go into a science field, but i have no idea which and im running out of time before i have to decide on a major

one sec im going to go check that one hyper specific poll i did for more stuff

nvm tumblrs tag system sucks

i play viola (NOT THE FREAKING VIOLIN FUDKDJFJDJJDJ) (and also clarinet)

i have a cactus and i love her very much

i tried to save a couple orchids from the hands of my parents and they were doing better. but then i neglected them for a week because of finals and a fungus killed them

more youll have to unlock organically

No Pressure Tags - @coldbasementruins @toxicrevolver @ghostfeather @certifiedfakeikemen @anyone else who wants to

I got bored so here's a little get-to-know-you tag game I think could be fun :3

Name(s)

Pronouns

Star sign

# of siblings & fun facts about them (if you have any)

# of pets & their names

Fandoms

Favorite color

Favorite song

Favorite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!)

Hobbies

Favorite fic type

Favorite holiday

Do you have any partner(s)? (romantic, qpp, anything!)

Fun facts about you / anything extra you wanna share!

────────

Name(s): Loki (highly preferred), Elye

Pronouns : they/them mostly, he/she okay too

Star sign: Pisces

# of siblings: I've got 2! An older sister and a younger sibling. The fun fact about them is that they're also both queer; in fact, my mom is too. The only non-queer person in my immediate family is my dad.

# of pets: 4 cats! Phoebe & Frankie are our girls, Lenny and Murray are our boys :3

Fandoms: MCU (kind of), BSD, OFMD, Ranboo (does his fanbase count as a fandom?)

Fav. color: Don't have one

Fav. song: Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon

Fav. author: Alice Oseman

Hobbies: singing, acting, drawing, writing, procrastinating

Fav. fic type: Fluff, definitely. I am a sucker for well written coffee-shop and flower-shop aus, too. Smut's fine, but only if it's romantic. I can't do angst if there's no comfort.

Fav. Holiday: Hanukkah or Halloween! I love autumn and winter

Partners?: Yes! I have a girlfriend (queerplatonic) who I love very much, and a boyfriend (romantic) who I love very much :]

Fun facts:

- Even though I'm a cat person, I really, really want a dog.

- I actually used to play sports. Because I don't do gendered leagues anymore, I don't play, but I've been looking for mixed/gender-neutral/queer sports teams. Baseball and basketball specifically!

- I started questioning my identity in 2019; I'm no closer to finding a label now than I was then. The difference is, now I don't want a label. I just am. :]

tags: @neonganymede @cha0ticlesbian @x-chiara @exceleo @brinnybee @autistic-katara @gandalfthemorallygrey @ohboyanotherlokiblog @roachandrenfri @ourflagmeanslokius @exceleo @edettethegreat @swiftlyspidey

#muffin.txt

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blookmallow · 3 years ago

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ok FINALLY heres the last. pile of stuff from deltarune sdgjgfg

sad

YES

oh my GOD im so glad they’re ok and apparently got back into my pocket again somehow

rouxls thou art an absoluteth liar

god i wish that were me

thanks ralsei for your wisdom

MAYBE NOT

i hate this thing but also the fact that i was given no say in whether to take it or not and it’s Here Now And There’s Not A Goddamn Thing I Can Do About It probably means kris either wanted it or wanted it to spite me or both and either way, well played, good for them lmfao

ive been waiting the entire chapter for this

gaslight gatekeep girldad

anyway i cant BELIEVE she isn’t actually lancer’s mom. maybe she is and is just being a brat about it but it doesn’t seem like it. why does she look SO MUCH like him and his dad. lancer acts like he takes after her already. like why would she NOT be his mom, toby, answer me this

though i did see someone’s theory somewhere that queen divorced lancer’s dad before lancer was. born. or. made. or whatever he is and wherever he came from. and she keeps, to this day, taking things in the divorce, long after the divorce. she took the kid in the divorce years after said divorce and it’s not even her kid sdgsdg

i definitely love that her immediate response to seeing lancer was just “alright ive just decided: im your mother now”

what the fuck is this about i need to KNOW

noelle’s dad just delivering an absolute one hit KO on his daughter here

MOM HOLY FUCK

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

THERE THEY ARE!!!!!!!! THERE THEY A R E

i was so fucking hype about napstablook i didnt even notice all the prisoners are the dogs from the walk up to snowdin fsdjgdsg

imprisoned for dog crimes

i dont remember what happened here that caused them all to get loose but i didnt get a chance to interact with them. oops. next time

i wont. for you, my beloved

i really like that somehow in this bizarre alternate world where even bratty and catty aren’t friends... somehow... napstablook still inexplicably became besties with undyne anyway

mixed messages here

deputy napstablook...................

napstablook and undyne buddy cop comedy when

i missed the shots of it apparently but thank you toby for allowing us a small scrap of alphyne as well

well, well, WELL, if it isn’t sans undertale

he won’t sell you anything unless you put it in a basket and the baskets are stacked so high its impossible to get them. this is a terrible store. i missed you so much

napstablook back... alphyne hints... sans running a ridiculous store again... soriel flirting... nature is healing

asgore oh my fucking god NO

i wonder why they divorced in this universe though since the whole. thing with the. y’know. human sacrifice. didn’t happen, presumably

i guess that probably means they were fundamentally noncompatible in some other respect even outside of that context/were never meant to be even in an alternate life

proud of you buddy but also deeply terrified of whatever’s going on behind the counter there

[slumps sadly against the door] please, i know you’re in there

I’m right out here for you, just let me iiiinnnnnn

my heart hurts im so worried about mettaton

like. presumably if he never met alphys. and. won’t come out. he’s probably still a ghost and never got his dream body. so he’s just hiding in there. please... honey darling sweetie gravy let me help you let me hold you

he said something like “show me something entertaining tomorrow” so im hoping with my entire heart that means we’ll be able to do something for him in the next chapter

im still really scared but toriel is still an icon

o K A Y

does this mean the next dark world is going to be made from toriel’s house. chariel is going to be a character now im calling it right here

anyway uh i have no fucking idea what’s going on still but this chapter was really good and even better than the last one and im finally like, proper invested in this

what is HAPPENING though like. its becoming pretty clear that the player is the Soul and is controlling kris, a separate being entirely, against their will. that’s why when they rip it out we can no longer control them or see where they go or what they do. but it clearly hurts them severely to tear it out and they can barely survive without it. and if we can assume kris was the one who slashed toriel’s tires... why?? that doesn’t make sense as something they would break our control over them to do

#lucy plays deltarune

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omegawolverine · 4 years ago

Note

Wanna infodunp bout sumthin? Plz do (respind whenever you wanna dont even worrg bout time here)

this has been sitting in my ask box for like a week now and im so sorry about that but also the last time i posted an info dump (which, for me, means bitching my ever loving heart out about the subject, because i genuinely find it incredibly difficult to speak fondly of things i enjoy without just going "yeah i think its neat!" essentially and then forgetting all the reasons why i like it) somebody came into my replies to break the dni i made in that post, invalidate my trauma and then say i was gaslighting them for stating my own opinion so um. yeah ive been a bit hesitant to say the least, considering hot takes are basically how i show my love for things :)

but, i have now decided to just post my least inflammatory take on one of my hyperfixations in response to this and then just. leave bc i dont wanna get into drama over my dumb little opinions again.

anyways, quick dni: dont even fucking touch this post if you're going to be aggressive with me, you don't use tone tags when making corrections or criticisms or you wanna just trash my opinion. ultimately people can do whatever they want, im just expressing my own annoyances as someone who has been in the IT fandom for awhile and has some complaints as a result (as im sure most other fans do lol)

moving on...rant time:

stan uris and richie tozier are canonically best friends in IT and the erasure of their friendship in favor of appealing to reddie fans is fucking gross and weird, especially bc stan is then chalked up to just some mean jewish kid who likes birds and is annoyed by richie 25/8 instead of having an actual fucking personality in every reddie fic just bc fans want so badly to make reddie best friends to lovers and its just?? yall can make reddie best friends to lovers WITHOUT erasing stan's canonical personality. yall can make them best friends to lovers while still acknowledging that stan and richie are canonically best friends and that stan canonically was an incredibly important person to richie.

this also goes for bill and eddie btw!! its just significantly worse with stan which reads Very Wrong when you take into consideration that fic writers always write bill denbrough as a sweet little white boy who everyone's at least a little bit in love with but then write stan as this rude jewish boy who's always mean and critical of richie for just being himself (and a lot of those "annoying" traits i see people make stan give richie shit about are adhd traits, which also rubs me wrong?? like why are so many NT fic writers so comfortable with calling my ND traits annoying) which isnt even canon?? like. canonically they poke fun at each other, they call each other names and say stupid shit but not to the extent of actually hurting each other because they are best friends and they know each other to the point where they know what boundaries the other has, they arent just making passive aggressive comments at the other and then going "it's a joke bro!" when/if the other gets upset.

also?? the trend of making "fix it" fics for IT chapter 2 where eddie is revived/doesn't die but stan does and is then only brought up in passing? not fucking cute. dont call it a "fix it fic" if the only "fix it" is you reviving a character for your fucking ship, especially when the other dead character is the BEST FRIEND of 1/2 of the ship? like. what. do yall just think richie getting married would somehow fix the fact that he lost the person that he was closest to? because, news flash, the person he was closest to was not eddie. they were very close friends, richie fucking loved the dude /p and /r, but stan was canonically his best friend and was canonically the person richie was closest to like?? what is not clicking omgggg

stanley uris is an incredibly fucking important character in IT and he is especially fucking important to richie goddamn tozier. you dont just get to ignore richie's best friend and write him into this mean jewish man box because his actual personality doesnt serve your ship like for the love of fucking god stan does not need to be there to create angst for your fics, he doesnt need to be there to make your hurt/comfort piece where you make stan borderline abelist just so richie can run and cry into eddie's scrawny little arms like im begging you to just write something where the hurt/comfort doesnt come from stan being a douchebag because canonically he was not one. he was a good fucking friend, he fucking loved richie and they got each others weird asses like nobody else did.

like. idk. ultimately yall can do what you want with ur fics i guess but also it's just fucking weird if you ask me?? and maybe that's just because im a dumbass richie kinnie who absolutely adores stan, but as somebody who loves reddie and reads reddie fics regularly, it is so goddamn annoying to only see my other favorite character written in to be mean, create angst or just be fucking dead time and time again when eddie is revived and then not even written accurately half the time bc he's not a fucking fragile dude who needs help all the time either, he's a shouty little cunt who know's he can be fucking dangerous if he wants to be and he doesn't hesitate to dish out some nasty ass comments if given the chance. just please for the love of god stop writing these characters ooc its killing me fr-

(btw i know most of this shit is just done by accident and its mostly done by movie stans who havent read the book, it's just still annoying to me, ya know? and this whole post is /nm, i just talk like this bc it's what comes naturally to me!! this is how i complain about literally everything, regardless of how big the issue is so dont take this too seriously pls)

#shit self #asks #IT #reddie critical #anti reddie #its not btw im just trying to keep away angry replies #richie tozier #stanley uris #discourse #long post #kinz #fandom critical #bangerz #info dump

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stvllioner · 4 years ago

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TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

#discourse #tw discourse #tw: discourse #sav talks

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dwellordream · 4 years ago

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On the other side of Sansa IV, Sansa is once again referring to Jeyne as a ‘child’ for her tears, albeit for a very different reason. Before, Jeyne was distraught over seeing Ser Hugh killed before their eyes. Now, she’s distraught over the fate of her father, despite Sansa’s attempts to reassure Jeyne that Cersei will let her see him again. Sansa admits that she herself was terrified two days earlier (and still is, judging by the way her fingers ‘feel thick and clumsy’ as she struggles to dress herself for her meeting with the council) and was locked in this tower room with no idea what was going on outside, though she could hear men being killed all day long.

After the first day, Jeyne was thrown in the room with her, claiming Sandor Clegane broke down her door with a warhammer and presumably had her brought here. Despite her current irritation with Jeyne, Sansa and her did try to comfort one another that first night, and went to sleep ‘cradled in each other’s arms like sisters’. Tellingly, Sansa is not thinking about Arya right now, either because she genuinely has forgotten about her sister, or because she is actively avoiding thinking about what might have happened to Arya, since it’s obvious something terrible has happened to Ned and Septa Mordane. Sansa has been asking repeatedly to be allowed to see Cersei all this time, though her pleas have gone ignored. Interestingly, the Lannisters don’t ring the bells officially announcing Robert’s death to the city as a whole, until after they’ve dealt with the last of Ned’s soldiers and are certain their hold on the throne is secure for the time being. Sansa doesn’t know Robert was injured during the hunt, or at least doesn’t know he was mortally wounded, and wonders if he was murdered (he was, just not directly). Sansa worries Joffrey may be dead as well, and for her father, since she has no idea where he is or what’s happened to him. She dreams of siting beside Joffrey on the throne that night, dressed in gold, while everyone pays their respects. This is the role we’re going to find Cersei in this chapter as the queen dowager, intending to rule through her son. When Boros comes for her, Sansa notes that he now wears a Lannister broach on his Kingsguard cloak, an obvious declaration of loyalty to Cersei, not the Baratheon regime. Cersei initially told Sansa she was being locked in a room for her own safety, but is frightened as Boros leads her out Maegor’s Holdfast, seeing a corpse in the moat. When she realizes the council is all in black mourning clothes, she feels a sense of dread, despite already knowing Robert has died. Cersei’s gown in particular stands out to her, black with rubies like tears of blood down the front. Also, interestingly, in Targaryen colors, and possibly a pointed reference to Rhaegar’s armor during the battle of the Trident. Cersei is annoyed when she realizes Jeyne was locked up with Sansa, obviously worrying Jeyne may have already told Sansa the truth about the Lannisters’ actions, though fortunately for her Jeyne also had no idea what was happening, and even if she had, Sansa probably wouldn’t have believed her. Sansa begins to feel real alarm when her questions about Vayon, Jeyne’s father, are ignored, Cersei instead passing Jeyne off on Baelish, who will ‘find a place for her’ that’s ‘not in the city’. Jeyne is to be told that she’s being taken to see her father. For Jeyne, this is just the start of being sex trafficked by Littlefinger and kept as a backup pawn in case the Lannisters need her for something, but Sansa has no idea what’s going on, and her sense of alarm only grows. She seems to sense Cersei isn’t being truthful in the least, trying to reassure the queen that Jeyne ‘hasn’t done anything wrong’ and is ‘a good girl’, but Cersei dismisses her concerns, and reminds Sansa of how much she and Joffrey ‘love her’. This praise temporarily appeases Sansa, who is so relieved at the thought that Joffrey loves, up until the council explains to her that Ned is a traitor, and show Sansa the letter Ned meant to send to Stannis, offering him the Iron Throne. Despite this ‘proof’ Sansa refuses to believe her father would ever do such a thing, and begs them to let Ned explain things. Cersei twists this into telling Sansa that they know she is innocent, but her father is a traitor, and she must prove her loyalty, as she already did by telling Cersei about Ned’s plans to send her and Arya from the city. Sansa now reveals that she snuck out to do so that morning before the Lannisters moved against Ned and his household, believing it was for the ‘love’ she bears for Joffrey, and explaining that Ned wouldn’t listen to her questions or complaints. She initially wanted to ask Robert himself to command Ned to let her stay, but decided she had a better chance of success with Cersei, and ‘poured her heart out’ to her. Then she was taken and put into her locked room, and the fighting began a few hours later, while Ned was oblivious she was even missing in the first place. The council’s cooperative gaslighting and manipulation of Sansa is pretty sickening. Varys, Pycelle, Cersei, and Littlefinger all work together to guilt and mold Sansa into denouncing her family then and there, as Cersei reminds Sansa that ‘the blood will tell’ as Arya’s did when Nymeria attacked Joffrey. Sansa protests she is nothing like Arya and doesn’t have Arya’s ‘traitor blood’, begging them to consult Septa Mordane... who is already dead. We then hear that Sansa is the best reader and writer in the family, or at least better than any of her brothers, even Robb and Jon. Still, she balks at the idea of writing to her family that her father is a traitor, and Pycelle warns her that it ‘will go hard for them if you don’t. Sansa offers to talk to Ned, even as Cersei dangles the prospect of marrying Joffrey before her, and Cersei turns on her in an instant, telling Sansa a loyal girl would not want to speak to a traitor. Sansa begins to cry, begging to know if Ned has been harmed, but no one will tell her what may happen to him, only that it’s up to Joffrey. Sansa then decides her only chance to save her father is to plead his case with Joffrey, who may then go easy on him, and that if her family rebels, her attempts to save Ned from execution and eventually have him pardoned will be ruined right off the bat. With this in mind, she hesitantly agrees to write the letters as Cersei commands.

When she is brought back to her room, Jeyne and her clothes are gone, but the room feels ‘colder’ without her presence. Sansa decides to read her favorite stories to distract herself, and then, as she is falling asleep, realizes all at once that she never asked about Arya’s whereabouts or safety.

#asoiaf reread #sansa stark #a game of thrones

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littlesunchaos · 4 years ago

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hell I almost died

I was busy this couple of weeks with family events, school events and everything so I wasn’t spending enough time on myself and apollo and he’s been calling my attention for 3 days straight so today I decided to lit a candle for him. But the fire was so little, it's like it’s about to die. I was like “are you mad at me?”, no response so what I did is played his playlist that I made and drew something, still no response, and the candle light still small, I was like “shit I'm so dead”. So, what I did was close my eyes concentrate on the candle and said “please talk to me and tell me everything.” then I got a respond,

Apollo: “I was mad because the last time you called me you forgot about me because of your stupid math problem I mean why did you call me when you were so busy and not notice me anymore? when you realize that I was gone you just laugh at it and go with what you're doing.”

me:”ohhh is that what your mad about?” at this point I'm trying not to smile I'm controlling myself to you know not gaslight the burning rage already. (what happened that time was I laugh because I thought he leave because he was bored. In my head, I thought of him saying “uhh gurl this boring imma dip”. He always hangs out with me even when I'm doing something else, but that moment I really did forgot about him and then I noticed that the candle fire was gone and I let it be because he might not want to be back because I thought what I'm doing is boring for him)

Apollo: “and one more thing with Hercules? he was calling on you right? and that confuses you between me and him you were considering me to be him and you ignored me for 3 days! 3 days!! I had to give you a lot of signs for 3 days that I'm me! for god's sake! my sake! Ive been giving you signs that I'm me since the day I called you!”

I was like “yeah I sided you on that I turned down his call, I thought-I did not ignore you I was just busy and I thought maybe you don't want to be with me yet because I might bore you, I always say hi every time I see your signs”

Apollo: “and! you told me you were going to wake up every morning and spend time with me this couple of weeks Ive woke you up how many times before 7? huh? you just look at the clock and get right back to sleep!”

I was like “I'm sooo sorry please don't be mad at me :< I did not ignore you I always say good morning to you each time I wake up but I’m so lazy to go out doe”

Apollo: “whatever”

but eyy the candle fire was back to its normal height now I forgot to take a picture of it because of him of course I was scared, we fine now he was cute but I'm never gonna do that again if he sends something imma go.

I just wanna say when he’s mad, he did not give that “you're so dead” energy, he’s giving a me an energy of a teenage guy best friend who’s having a tantrum because you forgot that every Friday is a movie night. maybe because I am soft the first time he called me I said no because he gave me that super masculine energy like super mighty energy like “I strike the arrow to send pandemic to the humanity” when I read that I was like “no, no, no, no, thanks”. and then the second one every article that I read about him he was like by many people, he was a charming god like this and like that but he really is doe he really is.

#apollo deity

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sparklyandchic · 5 years ago

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🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today.

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND.

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward!

#happyandchic #happy and chic

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tfw-no-tennis · 5 years ago

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hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika??????

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack... satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest

KILLUA ;_;

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_;

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^(

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique?

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS:

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao

as for this upcoming arc - ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

#excited 2 see moreeee #lj watches hxh #hxh

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queerhargreeves · 6 years ago

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De-aged Luther whump fic pls !! Where the family finds out that Reginald treated him much, much worse than they think (ex. Gaslighting, sexual abuse, pain, water and food endurance training), but Luther still thinks it's love?

wowie this is the second longest fic ive ever written?? i hope you enjoy anon and thank you for your kindness and patience!

TW: child sexual abuse and child abuse discussed

(gif by tuagifs)

The Hargreeves have had to put up with a lot of things that would drive most people to absolute madness throughout their lives. From the second each of them were born, their definition of what “normal” is would rival that of pretty much anyone. The seven of them were trained to be obedient soldiers in a goddamn science experiment by a man with too much power. This man wasn’t capable of love or compassion, no. Quite the opposite.

He treated them like they were shiny toys. Sir Reginald Hargreeves wanted them to reach impossibly high standards and would stop at absolutely nothing to make sure they got there.

They only had 30 minutes of designated “free time” a week growing up. The only time they could do as they please, within “reason”. Granted that didn’t stop them from sneaking out to get donuts after hours, Pogo keeping their secret safe.

“You all deserve to be children, Master Luther. All I ask of you is to not be too careless. We can’t have your father finding out, now can we?”

Daily rigorous training ranged anywhere from running five miles before breakfast to memorizing every pressure point in the human body and how they worked/functioned. Individual training, specialized by Sir Hargreeves himself, was another story in of itself. Water tanks, mausoleums, broken and straining limbs, tearing animals apart, throats so coarse and raw you couldn’t speak for a week, spatial jumps for four consistent hours, constant exclusion from activities …it was all the norm for these kids. Nothing out of the ordinary.

They have all gone through experiences that any average bystander wouldn’t even be able to begin to wrap their heads around. The Hargreeves have powers, yes. Their time traveling brother who left them 17 years ago came back, is nearly 60 years old, and was reverted back to the 13 year old body he disappeared in, yes. Their dysfunctional family may have caused the end of the world, yes. They avoided the end of the world, yes.

But this? Their big brother, their gallant leader, an actual child again? Now that is a lot to process, yes. Even for the ex-superheros.

It happened a few months after the family successfully didn’t cause life itself to end. They all had been making an attempt to start over with one another. The way they treated each other is what almost caused the end of the world after all.

It wasn’t easy, of course. Undoing a lifetime of trauma and repressed emotions wasn’t a simple equation or an overnight fix. It’s something that takes uncomfortable, late night hash sessions where every party involved opens up about things they don’t want to. It takes withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks. It takes realizing and acknowledging trauma and addressing it head on.

It wasn’t all tears and tension though. There were plenty of family outings, movie nights and, 2 AM impromptu baking sessions filled with nothing but laughter and comfort. They were getting better communicating with one another - they were getting better at simply existing together as an actual family instead of constantly working against their own.

The seven were out at dinner one night, Korean food per Allison’s request. The dinner went on without a hitch as they usually did nowadays, the siblings just enjoying one another’s company. However, it was after dinner when it happened.

Five noticed a man following them a bit too close for comfort as they were making their way back to the 10 seater van. It happened within seconds: an instant flash that rivals Five’s very own. One second Luther was trailing at the end of the group, listening to Ben tell a Klaus story. The next second there was a man sticking a syringe into his neck. And the next second he was on the ground, unconscious. Klaus, Ben, and Vanya rushed to his side, carrying him the rest of the way to the van. Allison, Five, and Diego stayed behind, going after the man who they didn’t even get a proper look at.

They all eventually regrouped at the house after having little luck finding the said culprit.

They were all clearly shaken after the attack. Five was, to put it quite simply, absolutely livid. He was infuriated at not only the situation itself but at himself for dismissing his instincts. Diego was also feeling quite a bit of guilt himself, but he’s been working on channeling those emotions in healthier ways. AKA no longer lashing out and hurting himself/others. Instead, he sulked silently. He played through the events that happened over and over again.

Allison was probably the most visibly distraught about the whole thing. Klaus and Ben had to quite literally drag her out of the infirmary after she refused to leave his side. She slept with her two brothers that night, wedged in between them. She couldn’t be alone. They all needed sleep and they knew Luther was in good hands.

Grace had assured them all that Luther would be fine, insisting that she would run tests on him as he got some rest. They were comforted knowing that their brother was out of the woods in terms of immediate danger of whatever substance was forcefully injected into his body. Luther would never leave Grace or Pogo’s sight for the night, the two of them adamant on making sure the six of them got some sleep that night.

None of them were prepared for what they found the next morning, however.

The six of them were all piled in the infirmary and there lied a Luther Hargreeves. A 12 year old Luther Hargreeves.

He looked so small in the bed; he was hooked up to monitors and his oversized sleeping clothes didn’t help either. His breathing was even. His chest was rising and falling in a slow, calm rhythm. His lips were slightly pursed open and he was snoring lightly.

“Holy shit.” Klaus was the first to speak up, staring in a mixture of awe and bewilderment at the small boy in the bed. “You’re no longer the babiest bro, Five.”

The statement hung in the air, thick and heavy. No one knew what to say or where to even start. Is his body just young? Or his brain too? Is it permanent? What does he remember?

“Oh, good morning children! I wasn’t expecting you all to be awake so early!” Six heads whipped towards the sound of their Mother’s heels against the hardwood floor as she walked into the infirmary.

“M-mom,” Diego’s voice shook, his eyes still glued at the young sleeping boy, “wh-what happened? Is Luther o…okay?”

“Yes dear, Luther is alright.” She said softly, resting her hand on Diego’s shoulder as she walked past him. She walked to the bed getting closer to the bed and removed one of the monitors from his chest.

“Your brother is going to be okay. It seems that he was injected with an age regression agent last night. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m hoping the bloodwork will give us some answers. What I can definitely say is that it will stop at this age. Luther is around 12 years old.” She explained, running a gentle hand through Luther’s hair.

“It isn’t causing him any physical harm. He was regressing quite quickly throughout the night but it stopped at 5:37 AM.”

Allison silently walked to the other side of the bed. She ran the back of her hand down Luther’s cheek, her expression soft. He looked so peaceful like this. The most peaceful she’s seen in ages.

“We…we have to be there for him when he wakes up. Luther, he was there for me after…” She paused, meeting Vanya’s eyes with a sad smile. She gave her a small nod to which Vanya reciprocated, signing “it’s okay” to her sister. They were both on good terms with what happened now. They talked it out, thousands of apologies and tears falling from both of the sister’s lips.

Allison’s voice was getting stronger every day but it was still important for everyone to be silent when she spoke so she didn’t have to strain more than necessary.

“He said he knew the comfortable dark place I was in. He didn’t want me to wake up to someone who wasn’t me anymore alone. We can’t let him go through this alone, we just can’t.” She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze, turning her gaze back to her siblings.

“Of course we’ll be there for him, Al.” Ben agreed.

And so they waited. They decided to take turns watching over him throughout the day. Diego and Five helped change Luther into the old academy pajamas before Allison and Vanya took on the first shift. Klaus and Ben went to the kitchen to make Alfredo pasta with extra chicken, Luther’s favorite dish. They remembered how insistent he was on the extra chicken when they were young.

“I need all the protein I can get! You all do too. But Five, you especially. You use up too much energy during training. This is far more nutritious and better for you than your peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. We don’t need anymore nose bleeds. Go ahead and grab an extra chicken breast, yeah?”

Luther was always good at watching over his siblings, whether they liked it or not. Half the time it annoyed them all to no end - especially Diego. But Luther took his role as not just their leader, but as their big brother, very seriously. It was a responsibility he did not take lightly.

The pasta didn’t turn out as picture perfect as it could have if the two let Grace do all the work, but with her guidance they were able to scrap up a delicious dish between the three of them.

“Damn Ben, Olive Garden better watch out! We’re gonna steal their jobs!” Allison and Vanya could hear Klaus exclaim all the way from the kitchen, a small smile appearing on both of their faces.

“If nothing else, it’s comforting that Klaus will always be just…”

“Klaus?” Allison finishes.

“Klaus.” Vanya agrees, her gaze falling back to the boy in the bed. He was still sleeping soundly, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

She doesn’t remember him being a deep sleeper - in fact, he was the lightest one of the seven. If Diego did so much as drop a book in his room or Klaus tumbled over his own feet, Luther would be in their room within a few moments to make sure they weren’t in danger. He lost a lot of sleep that way, but it never occurred to her until just now the extent of how much Luther did for them as children. Seeing him so young, so vulnerable looking was overwhelming. It was as if they were slapped in the face by past memories, repressed or otherwise.

“Mmmm…” Both women stood up at the mumbling, hovering over Luther as he started to stir in the bed. His eyes slowly started to flutter open after a few moments. You could see the realization of where he was wash over his face as he took in his surroundings. It was almost as if he was seeing right past his sisters.

“Luther?” Allison asked in a small, gentle voice. His eyes finally met hers and she placed her hand on top of his.

“M’am?” He looked down at their hands and back at her, then back down and back again. He blinked furiously, opening his mouth and closing it once more. He then whipped his head to Vanya as she tried her best to put on a gentle smile.

“Hey Lu.” She said softly.

“Vanya? Allison?” His voice went up an octave as he looked between both of his sisters. “What’s going on? Did I fail the last mission? Are you two hurt? I-I need to go back to the training room, find dad and explain! Maybe then I can -”

Allison and Vanya locked eyes as this answered a few questions. Luther definitely was mentally and 13 again, not just physically like Five. Allison’s mind reeled as she processed this, trying to think of how to even begin explaining what’s happening. Explain what has happened. Not only to Luther, but to them all.

Luther started to sit up, rambling on as he attempted to swing his legs over the bed before Allison and Vanya stopped him. Allison placed herself in front of Luther, legs shoulder width apart and hands braced on both of his shoulders. Vanya stayed at his side as she placed a firm hand on his upper arm.

“Woah, woah, woah not so fast there, Luther!” Allison knew his strength, even at this age, rivaled hers tenfold. He would only have to raise his pinky to push them both off him, but he didn’t. He let his sisters push him back in bed, but he stayed upright.

“Lu,” Vanya started, her hand still on his arm. “I can’t even imagine how overwhelming this all must be. Before I get the others I just need you to know that-”

“You’re all old.” Luther said simply.

Allison let out a small chuckle at the transparent comment and threw her head back ever so slightly. Luther had always been Mr. Obvious.

“You could say that, yeah.” Vanya scoffed, “I’ll go get the others if you’re ready?”

Luther drew his lips in a thin line, “What about Dad?” He asked cautiously, sounding all too much like the 12 year old he was.

“Dad…” Vanya looked up at Allison, wordlessly asking for help here.

“We’ll talk about it when Van and the other boys are here, yeah?” Allison reassured, trying to keep her best ‘mom’ voice on in an attempt to ease some of her brother’s evident nerves.

Luther just nodded at that answer as it was found satisfactory enough for him. Vanya gave his arm one last squeeze before disappearing down the hall. Within 30 seconds the rest of the Hargreeves came in the room, single file line. Luther watched every single one of them as they walked inside, his eyes wide and mouth pursed open.

Diego was always rough around the edges, but seeing him in all black, bearded, and scarred was certainly a bit unnerving. Klaus made him smile ever so slightly. It made Luther happy that Klaus was still oh so very much Klaus, even with a plate of pasta in his lanky arms. Eyeliner, skirt, and messy curls. Ben was a bit odd to see - blue around the edges and younger than the other two brothers before him. But Five. God that certainly put his head through a loop as if he hadn’t had enough of that already. He looked…just like he remembered. Small frame with a sharp jaw and the most intense blue eyes.

“Guten morgen, dear Luther.” Klaus said singsongly, placing the plate of pasta on the wheeled tray and wheeling it next to the bed.

“Vanya told us you woke up! Welcome back.” He sat down in one of the chairs in the room, the rest of the siblings also taking a seat.

“Thanks…” Luther drew the word out, “The pasta smells good. Thank you for that too.”

“Nonsense.” Klaus waved his hand in the air, “I’m just glad to see you’re okay.” He said honestly, crossing his legs and leaning down to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I-” Luther stopped for a moment, “I think I understand what’s happening. You’re all..older. But,” He turned to where Five was seated next to Ben. “Five?”

“It’s a bit of a long story, as this whole situation is. But I time traveled, managed to get stuck for quite a while, then came back in this body. I’m actually older than all of you, but that’s besides the point.” Five explained flippantly, “How are you doing, Luther?”

Luther gave a shaky nod as Five explained, “I’m um.” He gulped and looked back up at Allison who still stood over the bed. “When can I see Dad?”

All of the siblings tensed at the question, sharing looks with one another. Surprising to everyone it was Diego who spoke up first.

“Lu, Dad isn’t here.” He explained. “You don’t have to w-wor-worry about him anymore. It’s okay.”

Luther shook his head and a few dry chuckles fell from his lips. “Yeah, uh huh. And two times two equals three.” He spat.

“Luther…” Allison said calmly, “Diego is telling the truth. Dad is dead.” She watched as his blue eyes start to brim with tears. But Luther immediately threw his hand up to wipe them away. He shook his head again, this time more violently.

“No, no he can’t be… I-I didn’t report the last mission! I need to, I-” He started to try to get up once more, this time Diego and Ben rushing to the bed to attempt to keep him from getting up any further.

“Luther, it’s okay, please! Calm down.” Vanya said, voice shaking as Luther struggled against his brothers.

“No! No I need to get back to training! I need to go to the weight room! I-I can lift 2,000 pounds now! I need to show Dad! He’ll take me to the tree again if I don’t show him! Just LET ME GO!” Luther shouted, furiously pounding his fists against Diego’s chest. Diego and Ben held him in place best they could, letting their brother dispel the pent up frustration into their bodies. They could take it, for now. And it was evident he was running out of steam.

Vanya wordlessly sat down on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. He stiffened at the touch, his incessant pounding coming to an abrupt stop.

“Luther, it’s alright. You don’t have to train.” She gently pulled Luther into her lap. It wasn’t too uncomfortable as he was about an inch taller than her at this point. It seemed to do the trick. Luther let himself be held from behind, something she knew never happened to them as kids. They were all so touch deprived and it pains her remembering how much Luther would avoid any touch at all a few months back.

Vanya rested her head on his shoulder and he found himself leaning into the touch, finding comfort in her firm embrace. He can’t remember the last time he was held like this.

“Your body has been through a lot, Lu. You can’t go up and lash out like that, okay? At least not right now, not until we get more answers.” Allison sad next to the pair on the bed, running a hand through Luther’s soft, golden hair. He nodded, feeling his eyes begin to sting yet again with tears. He closed them shut as the tears silently fell down his face.

“This is a lot to process, Luther. You’re doing a really good job so far. We just want to protect you. You know that, right?” Five spoke up softly. It hurt him seeing his brother so panicked, so afraid. Five remembers Diego and Luther saying something similar to him when he was in need.

“I’m sorry,” Luther choked out. “I-I didn’t mean to.” He opened his eyes and looked up at Diego and Ben. Ben looked fairly untouched. His hair was a bit disheveled at worst. Diego, however, was another story. He had a split lip and red marks along his neck and whatever skin was visible. He didn’t look angry or upset though. His brows were furrowed in concern.

The brown eyed man shook his head, “I know that, Lu. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. I’m okay, bro.” He knew Luther must be thinking there is going to be some sort of punishment. There always was when Luther and Diego would brawl as kids. Well, when they weren’t asked to brawl anyway. But that wasn’t the case anymore.

“Luther,” Klaus finally spoke up after a few moments of silence, “What did you mean by the tree?” He remembers Luther mentioning Reginald’s ‘favorite place’ at his funeral, but he never thought to ask him anything more about it.

Luther tensed, his gaze falling to his lap. He clenched his hands tightly, adamant on not crying anymore. Crying was weakness and Luther absolutely had no room for weakness. He had hit that quota enough today for a lifetime. And he can’t talk about the tree. Dad said so.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Luther mumbled.

Vanya’s stomach dropped. Whatever this is, whatever Luther isn’t saying, is something they don’t know about and there’s a reason for that. They all had experiences with their father they didn’t want to share. But eventually they all did. Or so she thought.

“Dad isn’t…he can’t hurt you anymore. I promise.” Vanya reassured from behind.

Luther’s grip tightened and he felt the moon shape imprints go deeper into his palms, finding the pain grounding. He deserved pain when he acted out of line.

Allison swiftly uncurled one of his fists and wrapped her hand in his. She knew that old habit of his from when they were children. She’s watched Luther dig at his palms until they were bleeding during post mission briefing sessions on more than one occasion. And she isn’t about to let her brother do that to himself again.

“This is a safe space, bro.” Klaus pressed gently, giving him an encouraging nod.

Luther sighed, glancing up and at the faces around the room. They were all watching him with a look concern. But there was more to it. He saw it in the way Klaus’ lips curled up ever so slightly, he saw it in Five’s dimple and Diego’s eyes. They weren’t going to judge him or punish him.

“Whenever I did something wrong, Dad would, he just liked that tree. And when I-I messed up he would take me there.” Luther focused on the arms around his waist and the hand in his, “At first it was a time out thing. He would exclude me from activities, which he knows I don’t like. I wanna be involved.”

“That wasn’t enough anymore I guess. I kept messing up. So he would make me fast for days on end after missions. Or Dad wanted me to throw things until my shoulders dislocated. But that wasn’t enough anymore either,” He continued, “I deserved more than that. He started to make me…help him. A-and if I did it well enough, he insisted on ‘helping me too’.” Luther’s voice was barely above a whisper once he finished. The rest of the room was silent, Luther’s IV drip being the only thing audible in the room. No one, absolutely no one, was expecting that.

Reginald was an asshole, yes. They all knew that. It was common knowledge just like how water is wet. But Reginald being a pedophile? Not only was he emotionally manipulative, but also sexually? To his own goddamn child? That was a whole other level that they were not prepared to hear. There was no way to be prepared to hear something like that.

“Luther, you did not deserve a single second of that, do you understand me?” Diego demanded, tone soft but assertive. He had to learn about sex trafficking and sexual abuse victims during the Police Academy. And he remembers how that was the most heartbreaking lesson of them all.

He learned how, especially young boys, will dismiss and refuse to acknowledge their abuse. Even more so if it was from their guardian. “You are not a bad child. You do not deserve to be treated like that. We love you, okay? Did…did Dad make you keep it a secret?”

Luther gave a short, “He said if I told anyone h-he’d kill one of you and say I did it. He said I’d go to jail for murder. But I always did it! I couldn’t let you guys get hurt…Dad loves me. He punishes me because he wants me to learn.” He said as if it didn’t need explaining, looking around the room at his siblings. He wasn’t expecting to find every single one of their eyes to be filled with tears themselves.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I-I’m sorry if I did something to-”

“Goddammit Luther, you didn’t do anything wrong! You didn’t. You’re a good boy, okay? Such a good boy, fuck.” Vanya squeezed her brother tighter, dropping her head in the crook of his neck.

Luther froze for a moment at the outburst before feeling something within him burst open. He was…allowed to be upset. He was allowed to be angry, to be sad, to be ‘weak’. A watery sob escaped his lips and within a second he turned around to wrap his arms around Vanya. They were properly holding one another now and Vanya let her brother grab her sweater in tight fists and cry. And he did so; ugly, heart wrenching sobs came from the small boy as he was being cradled in the small woman’s arms. His shoulders shook violently with each one. The rest of the siblings watched as this intimate moment unfolded before them. They all felt their souls leave their body, their hearts crushed.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Luther was no longer shaking and his eyes were dry. No one said a word. Were there words to even say? Allison wrapped her arms around her two siblings and Klaus got up to do the same. Then Diego, Ben, and Five. All six siblings wrapped their arms around Luther. Diego kissed the top of his head and Luther simply let himself be held for a few moments before breaking up.

Luther isn’t sure what happened in the 15 years or so he’s missed nor is he even completely aware of the situation he’s in. But one thing he can say for certain is he’s grateful for his siblings. Whatever they all went through in those years he wasn’t there for, it must have been painful. It must’ve fucking hurt. Because the love he’s feeling? The pure, genuine warmth and care? He couldn’t even begin to fathom anything like it - not in his timeline anyway. And he’s so glad he’s been given the opportunity to feel even a fraction of it.

#child abuse cw #luther hargreeves #luther defense squad #luther positivity #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fanfic #the umbrella academy fic #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years ago

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I agree with your view on marys character, she wouldve been a fantastic villain, theres definitely buildup. Do you have some fic recs for villain!Mary?

Hi Lovely!!

YES I love a good evil / Villain Mary plot, if only because she had so much potential as one in S3 and just never fell through with it. I know a fic I DIDN’T put on this list because Mary was such a background character that she shows up in the penultimate chapter and her REVEAL as a villain was the “big spoiler reveal” in the fic’s climax, so rather than spoil that fic for y’all, I’ve omitted it all together; feel free to message me if you want to know which fic it was, LOL.

Anyway, hope you like what I’ve got for ya here!

EVIL / NOT-NICE / VILLAIN MARY