#ive been writing since 2am

[mscytic]

I’m making my own story on A03, of like my own original characters and stuff, but was also told to post here!!

it’s a passion project of mine, and hopefully i’ll get to animate them later on.

this is Daniel, he’s the narrator or I guess, the introducer of the story

[dear-ao3]

i think the japan update of the f1 silly season post may in fact be the thing that kills me. this is all for you all.

[ourstarscollided]

Feel free to expand in the tags cause I’d love to know!

[electric-plants]

OKAY here we go again this round im adding a MINIMUM 300 words to this fic but we’re aiming for at least 400😤😤 it’s happening RIGHT NOW NO GIVING UP

[gabyun]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ he likes me, he likes me not. - n.riki

pairing - niki x fem! reader

genre - highschool! au , bestfriends to lovers , fluffy fluff, teenage love, awkwardness in some parts, amusement park date

warnings - none besides like a few swear words😭 AND ITS VERY CHEESY

summary - you and niki hangout consistently, multiple times a week. the air started to feel different between you two, but both of you just tried to ignore it. niki, unfortunately wasn’t able to ignore it so easily. he felt butterflies from such little things you would do, little things you would say. he lately had a fuzzy feeling around you, but he just kept telling himself ` i don’t like her, we’re just too close. i don’t like her, i don’t like her, i don’t like her. or do i? `

wc - 2.7k

a/n - ahh this is my first time even writing something like this, i hope its not cringe or anything and i hope it doesnt seem way too rushed. i’ve been wanting to write stuff for awhile now and i finally had the chance to so i hope this came out good 😽 lmk if theres anything i should keep in mind for the next one !! i also finished this at like 2am so its not entirely proofread but definitely give me advice 🙏(also this entire time ive been listening to ur so pretty by the wasia project so this is like the background song of this story.)

you and riki were inseparable. firstly, you guys had almost every class together so it truly added onto the fact that you both were rarely seen without each other. secondly, you both lived on the same street since second grade meaning you two walked home together everyday. so, obviously people had speculated that there was something between you both. but, you guys consistently turned the idea down. it was now last period, english class. you guys inevitably sat beside each other. " hey niki " you began. "hm? whats up?" he perked up after having his head laying down on his desk. "do you wanna stop at the convenience store before we head home? im kinda hungry and both of our parents dont get home until 6pm." you asked. "hell yeah i do!" he looked up at you excitedly. "but you have to pay this time. i didnt bring any money" "ugh, fine" you sulked. "y/n i literally payed last time." you shot him a dirty look. "fine. but dont get $30 worth of snacks like that one time." "yeah yeah whatever.."

the bell rang, and it was time to go home. you and niki excitedly walked to the convenience store you both previously mentioned. you walked up to the door, opening it and jokingly saying "ladies first" to niki. "tch" he said sassily, rolling his eyes. the door chimed whilst being opened, and the employee greeted you both. you guys walked around the snack isle, the brightly coloured drinks illuminating certain sections of the store. one in particular caught your eye, so you walked over and grabbed it "i cant believe you dont like milkis." you said. "there are way better drinks y/n. " "yeah? like what." you challenged him. "um, anything besides milkis?" he sarcastically smiled. you walked over toward the icecream bin, selecting your favourite one. "niki, u want ice cream? they have ur favourite." you reached in deeper to grab it. "yeah sure. thatll be nice on a day like this" "ugh, i don’t want winter to come.. it’ll be so cold!" you shuttered. "you’ll survive y/n" niki sighed. you walked up to the checkout counter with niki, placing your items down. "that’ll be $14!" the older, but sweet looking woman said. "thats much less then last time." you pulled out your wallet, giving her the money. you both walked out, and you sat down on the concrete steps next to the store windows. niki followed, sitting right next to you. you never noticed before, but he smells good. like a mix of shampoo and some sort of cologne. you never knew he wore cologne. you guys simultaneously unwrapped the ice cream together, and started indulging in the sweet snack. "this is so good!" you said. "i bet mines better." niki remarked. "let me try yours." he put his ice cream in-front of your mouth, and let you take a bite. "mmh.. its alright.. niki i just think my tastes are better then yours" you shrugged playfully. your relationship was always playful. you guys were constantly teasing each other, and it felt good. it felt good to be so close to someone. as you guys continued, he looked over at you. the lights of the convenience store lit up the back of your body as the sun started setting earlier due to it getting slightly colder, making your hair glisten. he never noticed how pretty your hair looked under the bright lights. you both finished up, starting to get ready to finish your walk home. as you guys cleaned up, you looked over toward his face. you giggled, reaching your hand towards his mouth. "you’ve always been such a messy eater." his eyes widened, a hint of pink slightly covering his cheeks. "i-i can clean my own face.." "oh. sorry niki." you trailed off, confused. this wasn’t your first time cleaning off his face yet to him it felt different. he felt an unusual feeling, his heart fluttered and his stomach felt warm as his face did too. throughout this whole interaction, the convenience store lady observed quietly through the window. "i miss my high school years." she sighed.

late summer turned into fall, and fall turned into winter. nikis feelings just kept getting harder and harder to ignore. niki was in the change room after gym class with his friends. "are you sure you dont have feelings for y/n?" his friend jay asked. he hesitated momentarily. "yes. i am sure.. why are you asking..?" he questioned, worriedly. "so you wont care if i ask her to go out with me?" niki looked shocked by his comment. "you dont even know her.. why would you wanna ask her out." he said, annoyed. "niki, she is really beautiful. im sure theres a lot of other guys who would love to get a chance with her." his other friend heeseung added. "still! y/n doesnt need to be dating shitty guys like you. she deserves someone who will treat her right.. especially not you guys." he huffed, even more annoyed. "and i dont like her." jay and heeseung shrugged in defeat. "or do you?" jay added. "i dont.." niki trailed off, thinking about it more. "whatever you say, buddy." heeseung said, sarcastically. niki finished changing quickly, grabbing his bag and leaving for his next class. once the door shut, jay and heeseung and a few other boys began talking "he definitely has feelings for her." "yeah, 100%" "i don’t doubt that" "its getting extremely obvious" "mhm"

he stood outside your house, waiting for you to come out so you both could get headed to school. he oddly felt nervous. you opened the door, and waved, cutely. you were wearing a scarf, as niki was also. you both had big puffy jackets. you walked towards him. "lets go! i dont wanna be late again." he took in your beauty. "mhm" he answered, quietly. as you were walking, you offered him your other earphone. you guys had similar music tastes. ‘somethin stupid’ by frank sintara had begun to play. "i love this song." you said, softly. "yeah. it is really nice." he breathed out air, the cold made it look like smoke. you opened your pocket mirror, adjusting your hair. "do i look good? i had such a bad hair day yesterday." niki turned to you, not surprised by your question, but hes never truly seen you that way before. hes always known you’re pretty, but he never actually felt that way. "you look beautiful. you are beautiful." he said. "w-what?" you said, completely taken aback. he’s obviously complimented you before, but about your looks more specifically? this time, it really sounded like he meant it. you looked away from your pocket mirror, facing him. he looked at you with a twinkle in his eyes. you both stood there for a couple seconds more. "n-nothing.. forget i even said anything." he looked down at his feet. you could practically feel his embarrassment radiating off of him. you guys continued walking, listening to your shared playlist. a couple minutes go by and you began to speak. "thank you, niki." "hm?" "thank you. for calling me beautiful." you looked down at your feet, smiling. "oh.. don’t worry about it." he rubbed the back of his neck. both of your feelings were becoming more and more apparent as the days went on.

you were laying in bed, reading your favourite book with a comforting lamp on. you were under your fluffy blanket, and your curtains flowed softly as your window was the slightest bit open. you felt the buzz go off on your phone sitting next to you.

riks : omg y/n

you : omg niki

riks : remember that amusement park we mentioned wanting to go to for awhile?

you : yes ofc i remember?!?

riks : WELL THEYRE OPENING NEXT WEEKEND!!

you : NO WAY FR??

riks : YES DO U WANNA GO

you : is that even a question.

riks : alr alr IM SO EXCITED

you : ME TOO

you shut off ur phone, kicking around in your bed out of excitement. you and nikis parents would always take you guys to amusement parks or fairs when you were little. you guys haven’t gone in quite a while, so this was gonna be fun, but also nostalgic. big rides were always your favourite thing, but he hated them. he was always so scared to go on them, so this time you were absolutely determined to make him go on one with you.

around a week passes by, and its time to get ready to go to the amusement park with niki. it was still pretty cold, so you had to take that into account. the park was opening back up for some sort of winter event, apparently it was supposed to be really pretty. you’re getting ready, styling your hair and doing your makeup. usually, you dont put that much makeup on. but this time, without even realizing, you were doing alot more. you put some really pretty eyeglitter on, using waterproof mascara so your eyelashes hold better, just overall doing stuff you wouldnt usually do on a day to day basis. "wait.. why am i so worried about how i look, its just niki." you told yourself. just niki. as you were continuing to get ready, you were getting increasingly nervous. "this isnt a date y/n, this isnt a date. you have nothing to be worried about. its just a regular hangout with your bestfriend." you kept telling yourself. you put your jacket on, and you also grabbed a fuzzy scarf. little did you know, niki was telling himself the same things in the mirror as he tried to lessen the sweat on his palms.

you and niki arrive at the amusement park. it was beautiful lit, even though it wasn’t late the lights of all the fun rides illuminated the place wonderfully. you and niki looked at each other and smiled brightly, bringing back tons of memories. niki ran over to the bumper cars, and you followed. it was always his favourite thing to do. you hopped in the car of your choice and niki went in the one beside you. the game started, and you tried your best to hit niki as hard as you possibly could, whipping him forward practically giving him whiplash. you were basically pissing yourself laughing as he gave you the nastiest look. it took him a few tries but he finally ended up beside you once again and repeatedly rammed into you. you guys went 2 more rounds before becoming tired and finally leaving the bumper car area. you both adjusted yourselves, but niki noticed your shoelace was untied. "y/n, hang on." he knelt down in-front of you, and began tying your shoelaces with his slender fingers. "i could’ve done it myself but thank you niki" he looked up at you, smiling and nodding. you ruffled his hair and he shot up. "hey!! i spent a while trying to make my hair look good.." you laughed at him, continuing to look for other things to do. one of those water gun games caught your eye. "niki look! we used to always try and win plushies on that." his head swung toward you, immediately challenging you to see who could score higher. you both were trying your hardest, and you obviously won. he sighed in defeat. the employee handed you this adorable hamster plushie. you looked at it, smiling. "niki you kinda look like a hamster when you’re sulking." you put the hamster up to his face to compare, jokingly. "tch, yeah yeah whatever y/n" he said. "niki, you should have it. it looks like you anyways, and you’ll be reminded of me everytime you look at it." you shot him a joking wink. he took the plushie as you said he should. some time passes by, and you guys already ate and drank stuff, went on the carrousel and all of the basics and its been a few hours. the sun was starting to set, and the lights of the park continued to get brighter. "niki. we need to go on a big ride." niki looked at you for a split second, as if you just told him his pet died. "um absolutely not?" he answered. "niki pleaaaaaase" you clung onto his arm, pretty close to his face. "cmonnn just this once?" you blinked at him. he was looking directly at you, but no words were escaping his mouth. "f-fine.." he looked away, with a tinge of pink covering his ears. you were unable to tell if he was blushing or if he was cold. "i never thought you’d actually agree. this is like the best day ever?!" you grabbed nikis arm, and rushed into the line of one of the relatively larger rides, but not too large so niki wouldn’t be too terrified. after a bit you guys got seated beside eachother, and the employee pulled the over the shoulder restraint on you guys. you could tell niki was obviously nervous. "y/n i cant believe you made me do this. i actually despise you right now." "im sorry!!! only this once okay, i’ve always wanted to go on one with yo-" your sentence was cut short as the ride began, making a loud noise. "y/n i cant believe this." niki panicked. you giggled slightly as the ride made its way up to the highest point. you put your hand out for niki to hold, and he grabbed it immediately. after a few more seconds of comforting him the ride reached its highest point. after the it holding for a few seconds, it let go and your free hand went up. niki squeezed tighter and screamed loud. "Y/N L/N I DONT KNOW WHY I AGREED TO THIS" "I DONT KNOW EITHER" you yelled back. after around a minute, the ride came to its final stop.

you got off smiling and happy, whereas niki came off completely disheveled. it was a funny scene, you looked like a joyful golden retriever puppy and he looked like a grumpy black cat. you looked back at him and noticed his messy appearance. "sooo, how was it." you asked curiously, fixing his jacket along with his scarf. "never again." his eyes met your face. "it couldnt have been that bad." you reached your arms up, fixing his fluffy hair. you smiled at him whilst he stared into your face, unable to think of anything besides you.

it turned late, and it was 10 minutes left on the clock before the beautiful fireworks started. you guys found a decent place to stand, and you were both snacking on a pretzel. you witnessed multiple couples walking by, and thinking about how you wouldn’t be so opposed to being in a relationship. "gosh, theres so many couples here today." "theres couples here constantly." he added. "okay, but still. they’re all so lovey-dovey." "i guess so." you guys continued talking and the fire work show started, beginning with a few small ones. you both looked up in sync, mesmerized by the bright colours. twinkling eyes, niki looked over at you. it took him a while to take it in, but at this very moment his feelings truly solidified and he wasn’t so unsure anymore. it was forever since you spent a day together at your favourite childhood place, and now its the place where he recognizes how much he likes you. "y/n?" he says your name. "mhm.. whats up..?" you say slowly, completely and utterly enthralled by the fireworks growing in size. "i-i.." he trailed off, still facing the fireworks but his head facing you. "i think i like you." a huge firework exploded. "no, i do like you." it took you a moment to process. you turned towards him in shock. "i hope this doesn’t ruin anything, i cherish our friendship and i don’t ever want to lose yo-" you cut him off, grabbing his face. "you could never lose me. i like you too, dummy." you gave him a quick peck as another firework exploded. it felt like there were mini fireworks exploding in both of your hearts.

[reductionisms]

okay hi. how are you! you mightve noticed me liking and reblogging millions of your gintama posts. to which i say... teehee gomen? ;^__^ just wanted yo say i love the way your analysis and also the gintama math posts?!!!??!!! not saying im getting everything because im not (<- studied math for 3 years but not in english so i dont understand some of it) but yeah its was a nice approach. and im saving them to read later again when its not 2am

now for the ASK: have you thought about making a pinned post of all your analysis/the gintama math series? i would love to have them in one place

and the second ask: i noticed you and another blog (joleetwo i think?)(im planning on stalking all their gintama posts too. when it's not 2am) talking about gintoki = shouyo. would you explain it a bit? or if you already have, can you send the link?

THANK YOU!!!

hi!

tyyy, you flatter me too much... tbf even though i study math im pretty bad at it so i dont get everything either& half of what i write is abuse of notation lol

as for mathematics posting, unfortunately ive been sick on and off for the last 3 months and also very busy, so i didnt get to continue the tama series (im hoping to add it eventually, but right now its just the first installment). my other misc gintamaposting, including math posting (everything is math posting to me even if it isnt), is under “goose tag” in my archive if youd like to check it out. there’s also this compendium* i made of things i think are gintama math posting from other gintama mathematicians i love and admire. (*from early 24 so not updated since then- so not comprehensive)

as for shouyou=gintoki, i havent written on this specifically since it’s just something i carry with me always… in the first, in 519-20 when takasugi sees shouyou in his eye, in the next panel he sees gintoki in that exact position. to me, the first time i watched that, it just sort of clicked.

philosophically, gintama has this theme of what makes someone human. i feel like humanity here must be given to you by someone else (you have to be Named by them)— and it sort of aligns with the passing of promises (4devas, coan flashback)— that is, the passing of someone’s will. jirocho promises otose’s husband to protect kabukicho, which is otose’s husband’s will, and then gintoki promises jirocho to do the same, etc. similarly, gintoki upholds shouyou’s promise to protect their friends— which i am inclined to think is at least partially constitutive of shouyou’s person. that is, shouyou strove against utsuro to love and protect humans, which is what differentiated him from utsuro and eventually made him human (through gintoki, who makes him human). so gintoki receives shouyou’s promise, which is shouyou’s self (“a samurai is one who disciplines their weaker self”—follows this promise—self tied to promise), and on the cliff he acts it out. ie, by participating in shouyou’s will gintoki becomes shouyou. as do many people in gintama. and none at all. anyways unfortunately im sick and low energy so this is a bad explanation but hopefully that makes sense? Im sure joelle has written on this as well, as a heads up id just check with him to make sure he’s okay with spam notifs before going through his blog.

ty for the mathematics love since i love mathematics posting, & have a wonderful day!

[books-and-strawberry-tea]

Some Of My Favourite Books This Year (So Far)

So excited to make this list. I adored these books and highly recommend them.

Please be advised a few of these books are 18+.

Adrian x Isolde Series - Scarlet St. Clair

This series has been so fun to me. It really started my book reading year off to a good start. I was on the edge of my seat absolutely devouring this series in a week. I can not properly explain how much I loved this book. Apart from the fact I already love vampires and dark fantasy in other media. Reading through this story was like a breath of fresh air. Having medieval style vampires instead of twilight vampires (EW!) The direction of the story surprised me completely and honestly, months later I still can not believe that ending. At 2am in the morning I wanted to scream at the betrayal. That bastard.

I have read book 2, book 3 really is testing my patience, the release date needs to hurry up and get here!

Both books 5/5 Stars.

Butcher & Blackbird - Brynne Weaver

I'm not a fan of contemporary love stories. But when I saw this, I knew it would be the beginning of my exception list. The story telling, the gore, the twisted romance, completely trapped me in this spectacularly messed up love affair. The story follows two serial killers who enter a competition with each other. Their mission is to kill other serial killers, before the other one can. These other serial killers though, kill for pleasure. Putting them on their hit list for all the messed up things they do to innocent people.

I honestly loved this book more then I thought I would. It was fantastic! And I can not wait to read the 2nd book.

5/5 Stars.

The Scarlet Veil - Shelby Mahurin

Starting this book was a struggle. But by the end I was sobbing. I had completely fallen in love with the characters. That ending...physically hurt.

The story follows Célie Tremblay. A huntswoman engaged to the new captain of the huntsman, Jean Luc. (Ooh La La!) but once she meets Michael that goes completely out the window (This is totally fine by me cause Jean Luc is an arse anyway). Together Célie and Michael work together to try to unravel the mystery of multiple deaths in the kingdom. Bodies completely drained of their blood. This hits home for Célie once a beloved friend is attacked and found in the exact same way.

This book is filled with turn after twist and another turn. Before I knew it, I was completely captivated in the world, the characters, and right now as I write this, I HAVE A GREAT NEED for the second book. I honestly can not wait. I feel like I can't rest, can't read another vampire book until Ive read the last page of the last chapter of book 2. I already have the second book on my wishlist waiting for Aussie Amazon preorders to open. (The joys of being an Aussie booklover is that everything is late and hard to get a hold of.)

5/5 Stars.

Satan's Affair - H.D. Carlton

Sibby…baby girl😭😭

This book...made me cry. I was not expecting to be completely swept away by Sibby's story. It was quick, erotic, and oh so bloody. With a shit load of trauma and pain! Sibby girl! I love you but you are not okay. I read Haunting Adeline first, cause I just wanted to be emersed a bit more in the world before I tackled this book. And honestly Im glad I did it this way. Because I'd already read HA, I had a deeper understanding of the connection to do with the cross over scene in this book.

I seriously look forward to Sibby's duology when it releases. Ill be first in line...once it becomes available in Australia. Honestly these books are so difficult to get a hold of here. Someone please help us Aussies on that.

5/5 Stars.

Sisters of the Salt Series - Erin A. Craig

House of Salt and Sorrows:

I finished this book 2 weeks ago, and it is still living rent free in my mind. I was completely taken back by how good this was. Especially since I was a random grab off my local bookstores shelf. Id never heard of it before and thought it was interesting. Boy was I in for it.

The story follows Annaleigh, the almost middle child of 12 siblings. Unfortunately, due to mysterious events, many of her older sisters are found dead in awful ways. From here, Annaleigh is tricked and lead around as she tries to uncover what truly happened to her sisters.

This is a gothic, and thrilling retelling of the 12 Dancing Princess', and Erin A Craig really brings it to life in a whole new way. I was on the end of my seat the entire time. It'll be one of the books I wish I could forget and experience all over again.

I only have one critic that is more negative. And I feel this is mostly personal, as others may be fine with this. But I feel like Cassius' death scene was brushed over very quickly. Like it suddenly happened, and then suddenly everyone was moving on. It felt especially off when you read through the epilogue and find out he's resurrected. It feels a tad tacked on.

But that aside, I honestly loved this book. I have just finished book 2 and will be reviewing that now. If you want a fun and unexpected ride with twists and turns, this is the book for you.

5/5 Stars.

House of Roots and Ruin:

I finished this book just now and OH LORDY I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!!! I began this book with not much knowledge. Having just finished House of Salt and Sorrows, I was eager to get back into the world of Arcannia and hear more about the Thaumas sisters.

This book....absolutely threw me out the window. The first half of the book was rather slow but still enjoyable. I got half way and was a tad bored. I was hoping that soon the shit would hit the fan like House of Salt and Sorrows, and wow it did not disappoint!! A main character that can see and interact with ghosts, a floral bedecked manor, a charming suitor with a life changing accident, and parents with a mysterious secret that leads to the demise of the entire family. I honestly did not see this twist coming, I had no idea. This is a seriously messed up story of ego playing god with the lives of others.

THAT FUCKING ENDING THO OH MY GOD!!!! I still cant get over the last line and the epilogue of the story. Its been a few days since I finished the book and I'm honestly shocked. There has to be more in the future for these characters. Verity baby! Blink if you need help!!

4/5 Stars.

Haunting Adeline - H.D. Carlton

Baby girl!! I absolutely adore this book!! Was umming and ahhing about this book for ages cause of how controversial and popular it is. Genuinely thought it suffered from over hype and wouldn’t like the book. But honestly it’s so good. Although I do have 2 thoughts:

Personally I thought people did kind of overreact to this book. I heard many people say that the book was too much and had to take multiple mental health breaks throughout. Which concerned me before I read it. I ended up reading it in a day and a bit. If I didn’t have to sleep I would have read it all in one sitting. I am so obsessed with this book. And I’m all for people taking care of their mental health, but the way people carried on about this book, made me feel that people must have lead a kind of sheltered life. Or maybe I’m the weird one who’s just numbed myself. Don’t really know with this one haha.

I do understand people’s problem with this book. Calling Zade hypocritical. But let’s be honest, he’s obviously insane. His job has seriously done a number on him. I mean….he tortures people and enjoys it. Pretty insane to me. So idk.

Either way. Adored the book. Will ABSOLUTELY be reading the second.

5/5 Stars.

[royaltrios]

here's some notes on my recent chsc: what you're missing

-since i published as needed as last year's snow in january, i've been busy trying to graduate and not had any time to read or write or even really think about genshin. then i visited our chsc server friends for a few days beginning of june and i came back and haven't stopped writing since

-on the drive up me and taho spent most of the two hours yapping about chsc, and it was lovely but also extremely extremely strange for me to hear someone praise my writing irl. im genuinely just stumbling through word documents like a bow-legged fawn so

-starting back up with writing this summer i started working things out on physical paper in a notebook. its actually been really fun/feels different than notes app/sticky note-ing it. i still did use sticky notes for puzzling out intricacies of the smut tho (and then proceeded to pretty much use none of it) i'll attach a pic of my notes here for fun even though its slightly horrifying to do

-like most of my fics ive had this one waiting in the wings for a while, basic premise though was just 'chsc first time happens after scara backhands childe in front of people and childe gets very horny about that'. wrote it over about two weeks, fight scene fucked me up until i just locked in and wrote all of it at once at 2am. spent a while rearranging the smut then sent it to pachi to beta, forced myself not to look at it during those days, got it back and made isolated edits and was too embarrassed to read the smut i wrote 2 weeks ago again so i just posted it. hope its ok

-i always always always have trouble with scara during harbinger era. its because im a chronic overexplainer/overjustifier for characters getting together. for his actions during that time i lean on the little tiny bit we ever saw of it and that's mostly abrasiveness... but you gotta pull on how wanderer acts/ his backstory a bit too to like really see where hes coming from at that point in the story. halfway thru writing i realized he wouldnt act the way i was imagining him acting, had to fix that, then had to tweak the rest of the fic

-basically; i think childe would accept that he has a thing for scaramouche without too much thought. he's into mean people who're older than him + match his freak. he goes towards what makes him feel good. scara on the other hand i think... he immediately justifies the pull he feels as 'childe's stupid enough that i can use him'/'he worships me without being told'. this is a guilty pleasure for both of them until they realize its not (which is what i hoped to set up by beginning it with their abyss connections-- they're alike from the very beginning and they're both being used in different ways) <- i talked to pachi some in the middle of writing and it helped me puzzle out what chsc would be feelin a bit more. ty dr pachi phd in childe characterization

-had to have like multiple tabs open of bible's rgg pwp fics as emotional support. i filtered fics tagged 'cunniligus' in my bookmarks more than once. i was floundering. 90% of what i write or consider writing is E rated but i don't actually get much fulfillment out of describing smut. however i kind of tried really hard here bc i know thats what 99% of people are reading this for and even though i hate when i have to write the words scaramouche and clit directly next to each other i ended up pretty proud of the smut here.

random favorite bit:

“Well, it—” Childe's hips buck up into Scaramouche's fist. With a strained expression across his face and in a tone that sounds a little too genuine, he says, “feels kinda... different, since it's you." It's as bold-faced and earnest as anything else he's heard Childe say. But it's a sort of confirmation that Scaramouche was hoping to avoid—whilst simultaneously enjoying dancing around it. Stupid to give him this much leeway, this much permission, and not expect the guy who does everything else with the ruthlessness and loyalty of a hunting dog not to extend that to this.

i liked this bc i felt like i managed to nail down scara realizing he might've bit off more than he can chew without disrupting the smut. and childe + dog metaphor + shaky earnest confessions + L + ratio

-my penchant for having characters write letters in fic returns (almost as bad as my thing with inserting flashbacks in the middle of stuff) (i like first person but i dont like it in fic so this is the only way i can do it)

-looped teenage dirtbag (title + captured how i was trying to play childe here) (friend told me recently the singer of wheatus went to hs around where we grew up?), against the kitchen floor by will wood (taho's doing), some high energy 2000s stuff while revising the fight scene, my age gap oriented pl + will stetsons rabbit hole cover during the smut

i'll leave whoever reads this with a teenage dirtbag induced write-up i did to try and work out why i ended up liking the title i chose so much:

what you're missing-- what you're letting pass you by. what you don't have by not looking at me, what you'll want back in the future. what you don't have by not having me. what you've been trying to find, to grasp. what you didn't know you were missing.

[aettuddae]

SERING KISS!!! guys admit it, SERING 🗣🔛🔝‼️

alexa play how sweet by nwjns please

im literally screaming (in my head bc it's almost 2am) and kicking my feet in bed rn. ive been waiting for this moment for yearsss. my ship 🥺❤

idk much abt dogs but serim gives me silly black cat vibes, ik ppl see black cats as serious and quiet but some just act like burnt orange cats. and they're just so silly n cute. ningning is def calico, a little silly and orange but also serious when she has to be. I love her sm. also the crying cat pic w its paw in its mouth :3 hehe

as much as I love jimin, toxic yuri, and angst i need jimin to stay away from serim bc she hurts her so much, T^T just let her be happy bro or stop sending mixed ass signals and fix ur shit first.

sorry for the inactivity, ive been mourning the fact that it could have been me watching her live in hk for the concert for the last couple of weeks. my mom and bro went to china and hk to visit family recently I only said no to going bc I can't stand my brother. I should have gone T^T ningning looked so good, I could have def ignored my bro for what, a month? (that's a lie, we can barely sit together for dinner without arguing) I COULD HAVE SEEN NING SAY SMTH IN CANTO!!! smth abt pretty girls that speak the same language has me so weak(mando and canto r similar enough,,,)

haiii, hru btw? hope ur day has been as nice as mine ever since reading the new update :3 hope u have a great day/night and that both sides of ur pillows r nice n cool!!!<3 also sorry for always writing so much. I can't stop yapping

- ur friendly neighbourhood 🦈

i wrote it for those like you who deserved to live sering to the fullest ✊🏼

she could be a silly black cat, i guess. at the end, how jimin perceives her is up to her, the rest we can have our own opinions 😅 THE CRYING CAT PIC, i love you ningning imitating the crying cat every 5 seconds, it gives me a lot of joy

but she's staying away.. kind of.. lowkey.. i mean, she gifted her a hedgehog, but other than that 🫴🏼

i hate to say this to you, but the hong kong concert has probably been the best one so far 😔 but it's understandable, if you went with your brother you would have probably not been able to enjoy it fully, it would have had a bittersweet feeling knowing someone else ruined a great experience for you. it wasn't the moment, anon, you will get to see them in the future, i'm sure !! at an opportunity where your enjoyment and happiness won't be compromised 😌

i'm fine, overall, having a decent streak 👍🏻 happy to know you're doing okay, anon, i'll have a good day, and hopefully you too. take care of yourself, and don't worry about the yapping ! 🫂

[sickknotdoom]

In a another post you said stuff abt Carroom and i just wanna add; ive begrudgingly accepted it, especially since Blair is one of my favorite Cometkids, but i still dont... actively like it. Especially in the kisswas comic where it was revealed Caroline "liked Doom before Uni even considered it" and it just? I don't know because in the main comic and basically everything before cometcare she was shown actively hating and mocking him. I liked the disagreement between Uni and Caroline in kisswas where she was supposedly uncomfortable because he was a serial killer! Caroline also seems heavily bpdcoded (i have bpd myself so i heavily sympathize with her) and the entire conflict of Uni dating a murderer was interesting! But it felt kinda washed away when she SUDDENLY has a crush on him out of nowhere? AND BEFORE UNI CONSIDERED IT? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was after, since Uni would be there to show her that he does have a good side? I don't know Carroom just feels weird but again i guess i just have to live with it lol

does the whole "i liked him before you even considered it" thing even make sense chronologically? i remember somewhere on the blog stating doom and uni were exes prior to uni getting admitted to the hospital. i likely also have borderline personality disorder and i imagine doom may have it, but maybe im projecting. and from what i can tell, the two fucking hate eachother.

the kisswas/kissmas/kismesis/whatever christmas comic wouldve been decent enough if caroline was like. "i dont want my partner dating a serial killer/inviting a serial killer over to the house" since that would fall more in line with her personality exhibited in the actual comic. and also it wouldnt make sense for her to like doom before his "good side" is revealed, would it? because all she would know is that doom is a serial killer that worked at the hospital that traumatized her and many close to her. i feel like theyre trying to bruteforce every ship theyve conjured up at 2am one night.

speaking of which, i feel like doom giving caroline a smiley face necklace is sorta a dick move since yknow. its resembling the face on her hospital mask. wouldnt it be sorta triggering to her, especially since hes former hospital staff and giving it to a former patient?

but to be fair after having puke dumped on my head i would definitely try to find a way to get back, just my beautiful princess disorder yknow. speaking of which, are we all forgetting this is the same man she Dumped An Entire Bucket Of Barrys Fresh Disgusting Vomit On

i will never not bring this up. caroline despises doom. theyd be kismeses at best, but theyre not trolls soooooooo (yes everything cycles back to my homestuck brain rot) i feel like them having any positive relations would be extremely flawed writing.

in conclusion, #I Think The Clowns Need To Reassess Whats Consistent To The Story Here 👁️_👁️. (only my most obsessed haters understand that reference)

[chiyoso]

its 2am, ive been writing this toji fic and kinda relieved my gojo headcannons is getting a steady amount of reblogs since its becoming so rare apparently

BUT I ALSO NEED YOUR WORDS TOO YALL, GIVE ME SOMETHING ANYTHING, INSPIRATION I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS, I WANT CRUMBS, I WANT TO HEAR YOU I WANT YOU GRR 😡

[minniepetals]

I cried.. no actually, to say I just cried is an understatement. I SOBBED.. snot included. no because how do you do that,,, it actually felt like being stabbed with a knife through the chest im…. ur so talented u had my snot coming out at the first sentence. Though I really love oc being the baddest bitch out there, i also really love the vulnerable oc kinda.. idk if i can say that she was showing wmptionally unavailable actually uhm ! but loved the new chapter still ! i widh i had more to say but my mind is currently fuzzy from the essay i had just written for school and the fact that it is 2am in my country..

Will be rereading after school and getting my head striaght so i can express in more words hm ily and ur work. HM I LOVE CMAR !

and welcome back 🤧 missed u sm u have no idea i wanted to share sm things with you since ive been travelling recently but i was too scared to send a msg in! but anyways .. ill get my rest gn��

-🪼

i would literally love any updates on you and your life lmao so don't be shy!

also glad you love the new chapter! initially when i was writing the scene, there was plans for y/n to punch karl but when i got to ACTUALLY writing it, my fingers was like ☝️ nope, actually, we're making her suffer

and i was like, you know what? valid. because that's a more accurate trauma response and it makes it more sad oop 🫠

[johnthel]

The Flood Thing AU

Im writing this at 2am. SPOILERS, OBV. OKAY SO roles: Im very indecisive so i would love feedback on casting.

Mccready is Chief, but Cortana is also there but may not take the role of an existing character, since she's probably still just an AI.

Childs is Arbiter. Gary is Johnson? Or possibly Captain Keyes? I like the idea of him as Johnson better, BUT... with the end of the movie, and the big disgusting one at the end with him and nauls, i think it could work as keyes. I cant decide

I want to include Rtas for sure, and also Miranda Keyes. but after that I don't really know who else to include since I've stuck to the first 3 games and dont know any more side characters. So feel free to suggest and help me out please!

I'm thinking Rtas as Nauls just cus i like him so much, but Im really not sure it fits. I need the rest of the cast: Blair, Bennings, Norris, Palmer, Copper, Fuchs, Clark, and Windows.

My thoughts during this watch:

Chief trying to play chess with Cortana at the beginning lol

(X and Arbiter) "Chief wants the flame thrower!" "He wants the what?" "Thats what he said!" Very quietly under his breath: "Dammit"

X=unspecified character (doesnt have a role yet)

Mccready wears green i notice... very interesting...

So i mean, aliens obviously exist and have contact with earth in this au already and thats common knowledge. So i think their disbelief comes from the flood thing's powers, and maybe Where in space it originated from, and how it is obviously very sinister.

I havent thought of human and the covenant/cov rebels history yet or why this group is stationed somewhere so cold and im honestly too tired to. So whatever

Do they still dig it up out of the ice, and the humans are in disbelief that aliens made contact with them That long ago? Or did the flood thing land recently? Does some of the distrust of the humans come from thinking the aliens on their team could have something to do with this?

I think a good bit of mccready's dialogue would go to cortana instead of chief

Wait does that say Sexdozer 301

Fuuuck... ive always thought Childs is so fine...

(Chief) "Trust is a hard thing to come by these days."

I love this cus it focuses on Chief and Arbiter's tension for real... they dont trust each other and its so tense. Its great

(X and Arbiter) "What if we're wrong about him?" "Well then we're wrong."

(Chief) "Anyone messes with me and the whole place goes... Go on, burn me... Put the torch on the floor and back off. Way off."

(Arbiter and Chief) "You shall not bind me." "Then I'll have to kill you." "Then kill me."

...... i mean it, i guess you do (i'd exclude these lines tbh, i like it ending with THEN KILL ME... its just more hardcore for them to say nothing and then chief turns around and shoots a dude trying to stab him)

I think arbiter totally would cuss but he does it very under his breath and never wants anyone to hear. Lol. He learned his swear words from the humans but hes hesitant to say them in front of them

(Johnson as Gary) "I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH."

When they go under the tool shed where Blair was, its covered in that disgusting flood stuff, instead of the spaceship. Yick

Also i just think its interesting Blair, as human, was the one most determined to destroy transport and keep everyone there, but then as the thing he's the one building a ship to escape.

Not sure who Nauls would be.. cus whos left at this point would be Thel, Johnson, Chief, and Cortana technically, and nauls. Maybe.. nauls could be cortana? But i was thinking she would still be an AI, cus that just feels better cus its less of a change. So nauls could be someone else. My heart says Rtas just cus i love him so much. But i dont think so. Imagining Rtas on little roller skates jamming out is sending me though

God.. imagining when the flood thing takes over both human and sangheili and cant finish morphing, would be so cool

(Johnson as Gary and Chief, but it also sounds like a convo with Cortana tbh) "Generator's gone." "Any way we can fix it?" "It's gone, Chief."

THE ENDING IS SOOOOO GOOOOD. Childs missing for the whole final act until this point. And meets up with mccready. And the tension. Their impending fate. The mistrust... ive read that childs is definitely infected by the end, but its truly never confirmed WHICH I FUCKING LOVE. Because we, as the audience, are in mccreadys place by that point. We just dont know. We cant trust him.

The drink is really interesting. Two theories ive read, childs is so willing to share the whiskey which is suspicious (but i wonder if it could be interpreted as him accepting his fate?). The other is from a filmmakers art perspective, and that those who are infected throughout the movie have a certain gleam in their eyes, however ive never personally noticed this yet. Next watch i'll look for it.

(Arbiter and Chief) "The fire has the temperature up all over. It won't last long though." "Neither will we." .... "How will we make it?" "... Maybe we shouldn't."

[lwieserce]

I need to think very intensely about my 2023 and its lessons and all and write about it in one place i think maybe not now because it's almost 2am but yeah . I feel a little hopeless about my future sometimes but only sometimes because i spend more time just not thinking at all cause that's easier 👍 my mind is my biggest enemy. But also not really. But also yes very much it is. Yeah . I think i'm on the wrong track in life and i feel like the paths ive chosen in my teenage years fucked everything up for me forever. I'm sad that i fried all my neural pathways by the time i was 15 by playing games unsupervised on the internet. I wish i was gaining social or academic competence at the time but i just ended up retarded in every sense of that word 👍and then we got locked up for 3 years and my brain hasnt recovered ever since 👍 but it's cool. No not really it's not..... I got to roleplay as a teenager quite a lot this year and i'm glad because it felt like i got to make up for the time i lost previously and i'm glad for that.... I became terribly aware of how bad of a friend i am (it always was at the back of my mind) but instead of acting to fix it i just rotate that knowledge around my mind. I wish friendships were easier... Yeah i think about this year and i can't quite come up with any reason why it felt so great. It really mostly is that feeling of being a child raised in the woods entering the human society for the first time. I've always been behind my peers and i hope that means i will outlive all of them because if not then that's just unfair... I hope i can be less embarassed about being alive and more competent this year. And i need at least +1 more friend like an actual friend close friend where we share a deep deep bond and all. Also i've realized how much family means to me and how i will be tied to then forever because of how much i owe to them. I love them but they can't understand me. I love them but do not like them you get..... I will never be able to repay the things they do for me and it crushes me because atcthe end of the day i am just me and have so little to offer and i want to quit my studies all the time. Whatever 😭😭😭😭😭

[howdidigetbacktowritingwhat]

hi,hello,hoy !!! You asked me what I thought of your fic so I am here to comment some things about it !!! :D

I love how you have to put pieces together to figure out what's going on with Y/N! Because when your theory gets confirmed you just get this SERATONIN (is that how you type it??) from it

(this one is honestly more of a nit pick just saying:) I feel like you could do a bit of foreshadowing like for example: In chapter 1 you could have described Y/N's backpack in detail so the readers know how it looks like and think "hMMM why are they describing it in such detail ???" and then when you get to chapter 3 you could describe Y/N's backpack as something else (not entirely something else but a small change) without Y/N reffering to it feeling like 'a different bag' maybe get him to say "something feels off..." so when the reader sees this they'll put the pieces together and say "WOOOAH WAIT THATS DIFFERENT FROM THIS THAT WAS SAID IN THIS !!!! :0" !! BUT!! Honestly that's just a little nitpick from me because I tried to write a few stories before (but then I gave up halfway) and I know bits and pieces on how to do cool foreshadowing (from a writer friend) but take this with a grain of salt because I am still ig a newbie at writing!! ><

also when Y/N is talking in his head and a thing thinks instead of him you could have a subtle shift in tone (idk if I am explaining this one well sorry I am a bit sleepy)

unhinged Sun. I just loved when that boy snaps. ( ‾̀◡‾́)

and the last one is.... remember to take breaks!!! Writing can be exhausting especially if the story is getting to your head (trust me ik how it feels when you get too emotionally attached and don't wanna kill your favourite off (╥﹏╥)) so remeber to take as much time off as you need your mental health is WAY more important <3

have a good day!!! :DDD<3 gonna make more fanart in the future when my wrist hurts lessheehehege---

OHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO HELPFUL THANK YOU THANK YOU <33 omg (sorry i really REALLY love reading peoples' thoughts Okay i am going to dissect this NOW [TOTALLY NOT PROCRASTINATING WORK]) ill put it under a cut since its kinda long AHH

ill be honest. Im SO SO GLAD you wrote all these points (especially the nitpicks !!/gen) - im super happy that you guys really love getting theories confirmed in the next chapter and im glad you noticed that the description of the backpack is. not up to par hehe ( AS WELL AS THE THING IN Y/N'S HEAD ) (also dw you explained it really well! )

I am at a constant war of wanting to spill everything and hiding info due to spoilers but !! ive been playing around with the fic being an unreliable narrator so much that i was incredibly concerned that it was. very confusing WAHAHA (it probably still has some things to fix though), so im genuinely really glad you pointed out inconsistencies(?? oddities? i dont know how to say it but basically funky writing) in the places where i wanted there to be :]

HAHA I DONT KNOW IF I MAKE SENSE RIGHT NOW it is like. 2am. but tldr hheehee hoo hoo i am so glad that things are going according To Plan. (dude i am like. saving this post too just so i can reread and make sure things unfold properly too)

LASTLY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS !! writing analysis and feedback take so much time and Im really really honoured that you guys spoil me with a LOT of them- and for understanding that this fic kinda takes a toll on my health wahaha <33

also guys pls. pls rest your wrists. i am going to spam stretches soon. (ALSO ALSO THANK U ALL FOR THE FANART FOOD please dont overexert yourself though !! health first and genuinely; you guys even reading my fic is the greatest honour ever. take care of yourselves!!! and have a good day too <33

[yawyawnilen]

Hello, it’s 2am and i’m still awake. I took a nap man sad ganiha. so yeah… the consequences of my actions.

I decided to write something here. for my own sanity. i have no one to talk to. well, i do, but i dont want to burden them.

To be honest, i am so lonely these days. i have friends, i have my cousins, but… i got no one to talk to about deep shit that goes on in my head. my closest friend is in Japan and she’s facing her own problems. i dont want to dagdag pa sa iyang gina isip and besides, i’ve told her all about this stuff countless times before. so balik balik ra mi. Hurot na words of advice and comfort namo sa isat isa haha. my two other close friends are here but i dont think they’d want to listen to me hahahaha again, they have their own problems. i dont want to be a burden. Plus im really not looking for advice and they might just unknowingly send me an advice which mag halt akong brain ana and ma activate akong fight or flight. I would just say im fine. If i want to share, all i want is an enthusiastic listener. kanang feeling nako di ko iinvalidate, dili iinvalidate akong ma feel. just like how i’d listen to their own life stories sana.

Anyway, what im feeling right now is of my own. i guess its bcs hapit nako dug-on so im extra emotional. so yeah. I still got no job. im starting to feel a burden to this house but im not actually a burden since i do give money. my savings are almost running out. i am becoming broke na. it’s stressing me out. but i dont want to apply to any kind of stressful job bcs mag balik na sad ko ato na cycle and i hate it so much.

Why cant we just be rich? im so tired of being poor. All i want is to read and watch stuff. Cant i get paid over that? why cant i be a nepotism baby? i wouldnt care. im just so tired of this situation.

I am actually becoming hopeless again. ive been unemployed for 5 months now. i dont know what i want to do in my life. Im sick and tired of being clueless. is there no manual that i can check para kabalo ko asa na padulong akong life?

Sometimes, i wish i could just drop dead so that i wont stress myself anymore. the concept of no life after death tempts me. but i wouldnt directly do that to myself. im too self absorbed to just kill myself no.

I have a lot of things i want to say but my brain is blanking again. maybe i’ll add more tomorrow.