#ive been working on writing longer sex scenes

[ofthemorningstars]

Gifts of the Sabbath (Part 2)

TerzOmega ~ Smut below the cut

3.4k words

Chapter 1 Ao3 Version

Omega gives Terzo roses. Terzo gives Omega... something else.

When they finally made it to the bedside after what felt like an eternity, Omega was allowed to sit up on his knees. Omega could see that there was another black box waiting for them on the bed. He swallowed hard; Terzo had been scheming. Omega felt antsy.

“These seem to have gotten awfully tight,” Terzo said, gesturing to his black lace panties. He was right. Terzo’s bulge was straining hard against the fabric, the seams protesting. “I think I’ll need your help getting them off, amore.” His voice was positively dripping with lust. Omega eagerly reached up to remove them, but Terzo moved to stop him, tutting. 

“Not with your hands.” Terzo smiled down at him wickedly. Omega whimpered. He tried his best to do as he was told. He grabbed at the lace with his teeth, taking great care not to accidentally graze Terzo’s skin with his fangs or rip the delicate material. It was a frustrating process, and Omega was surprised to find the humiliation welcoming. He could feel the heat coming off of Terzo, could smell the vanilla on his skin. Finally Omega freed Terzo’s hips and allowed the underwear to shimmy down his legs, Terzo kicking them off haphazardly. Terzo stood at attention, reddened and glistening with precum. Omega salivated at the sight. Omega moved to grab him, but again Terzo stopped him.

“Ah ah, not yet, bello. I have one more gift for you. That was practice.” Practice for what? Terzo sat on the bed, reaching back behind him for the black box. Omega could see that there were multiple objects in the box, but couldn’t make out what they were. What Terzo pulled out, though, was a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs. Omega’s stomach dropped. He didn’t know if his body could handle all of this in one day.

“Will you wear these? Is that ok?” Terzo asked, speaking softly, looking at him directly. Omega nodded before he could even get the question out. Terzo knelt down behind him, securing his arms together. The cuffs just barely fit, but they didn’t dig into his skin. They were flimsy; he could easily break them if he wanted to. No real danger, should anything happen. He could work with this. 

Terzo sat back down on the bed, leaning back on his palms. Omega inched closer to him on his knees, face pleading. Omega was so close to Terzo that he could almost taste him, but he waited. Terzo smiled fondly at him and nodded. “Go ahead.”

Unable to use his hands, Omega caught Terzo with his mouth. He closed his eyes and hummed, savoring the taste. He trailed his forked tongue over veins and swirled around the tip, making sure to be careful of his fangs. Terzo moaned low and grabbed the back of Omega’s head with one hand. Omega was throbbing, already hard again. He worked Terzo, wanting to hear more of his beautiful noises. But just as those noises were growing louder, Terzo tugged at Omega’s hair, asking him to pull away. Omega was disappointed, but listened, spit trailing as he released him. 

“You’ve had your taste, amore. Now, on the bed. Up,” Terzo directed, catching his breath, running a finger along the underside of Omega’s jaw. He helped Omega stand on shaky legs. Once he was situated at the foot of the bed, Terzo did something he wasn’t expecting. He tied Omega’s leash to the intricate wrought iron bedframe, giving him about a foot of slack. Enough to sit comfortably, but not enough to reach any further on the bed. At the other end of the bed in front of him was a stack of pillows. Terzo proceeded to situate himself on them, propping himself up. Omega had a spectacular view of everything. Especially his face. 

Omega could be in for more than he bargained for.

Terzo gave himself a few quick strokes, then opened the black box beside him and pulled out a bottle. He made a show of spreading his legs for Omega, running his hands up his inner thighs. Terzo coated his fingers with lube and slipped one inside, sighing with relief. He stared directly at Omega as he fingered himself, eye contact growing so intense that Omega wanted to look away, but he couldn’t; he was entranced. Omega’s face and chest were flushed a dark purple. Terzo threw his head back with a groan as he added a second finger, thrusting slowly. He started curling his fingers upwards, massaging his prostate. Precum dripped onto Terzo’s stomach. Omega whined at the sight, his own cock aching and dripping onto the bed.

Terzo withdrew, apparently satisfied with his preparation. What was he preparing for when Omega was restrained at the other end of the bed, though? Omega was getting more anxious by the second.

Terzo opened the black box again, this time pulling out a toy: a large purple dildo with a flared base. Omega’s heart sank as Terzo lubed up the toy, looking at him as he stroked it teasingly. Omega’s cock jumped and he felt a twinge of jealousy; it should be him getting all that attention. At least Omega was bigger than the toy, he thought to himself.

Terzo lay back again, legs spread even wider this time. The collar began to feel tighter and more restrictive by the second. Terzo hissed as he inserted the tip. His face contorted in pleasure as he slowly pushed the toy inside, moaning. Omega strained against the leash, choking himself in his need to get closer. He was lightheaded as he watched Terzo fuck himself. His thrusts started long and slow, nearly pulling all the way out on each stroke. Terzo let out a dreamy sigh, again looking Omega directly in the eyes. Omega’s cock was weeping.

As Terzo’s speed built, so did the heat inside of Omega. He felt like he could combust at any second. Terzo was moaning and sweating as he began to move his hips in time with his thrusts. Terzo’s free hand gripped the sheets, and then his cock. He pumped himself in time with his thrusts, his noises growing louder and more needy. Omega was huffing and sweating, desperate to touch Terzo, to be inside of him. He thought very seriously about breaking the handcuffs and untying himself, but he didn’t. He waited. He wanted to be good.

Suddenly Terzo stopped. He released himself and withdrew the toy. He caught his breath for a moment, and then he sat up. He crawled towards Omega. Omega’s heart raced impossibly faster. Terzo got close enough that Omega could feel the heat coming off of him. He was just barely out of reach, no matter how hard he tried. And he did try, nearly choking himself out in his need to touch Terzo. Terzo grinned down at Omega.

Terzo reached out and ran his fingers through Omega’s hair soothingly with one hand, furiously working himself with the other. Terzo was so close to Omega, right in front of his face. Omega’s wrists burned. All he had to do was break these flimsy cuffs and he could touch Terzo. His chest was heaving, he was on the verge of tears. Lucifer help him, he needed to touch Terzo–

Terzo suddenly grabbed Omega by one of his horns, yanking him down to be on level with his cock. Terzo threw his head back with a shamelessly loud moan and came across Omega’s face, bathing it in warmth. Omega started panting, salivating. His hands strained at the cuffs, trying with all of his might to stay still. To not break them. He trembled. Be good. Be good. Please be good. For Terzo. He was so hard that it hurt. A single tear rolled down his unmarred cheek.

Terzo released Omega, leaning back on his palms for a few moments to catch his breath. He was sweaty but glowing. Omega thought he looked positively radiant, and that mischievous twinkle had yet to leave his eyes. Another tear escaped. Omega was still aching to touch him. Terzo reached out and caressed Omega’s cheek. Omega leaned into his touch.

“Look at you, bello. You are so beautiful like this. Such a good boy.” Terzo praised. “My perfect ghoul.” Omega felt like he was going to pass out. Terzo drew his hand away from Omega’s face, one of his fingers coated with his own cum. Omega quickly caught the digit with his mouth before Terzo could withdraw, greedily sucking it clean. Omega distantly thought about all of the teasing he’d heard over the years from clergy members about ghouls going into heat like animals. This must be what that would feel like. He felt crazed, feral. Out of control.

Terzo chuckled at his desperation.

“You’ve been so good for your Papa,” he spoke softly. He reached down the bed and grabbed the bottle of lube, filling his palm. When he finally grabbed Omega’s cock after what had felt like hours of it begging to be touched, Omega almost came on the spot. He bit his tongue against a shout, a strangled sound escaping instead. Omega felt like he was going to vibrate out of his body as Terzo slicked him, praying for what was next. Terzo leaned forward to grace his cheek with a lingering kiss. Omega didn’t move, didn’t dare disobey and ruin his chance at relief.

“Now I’m going to uncuff you, and you’re going to stay still like a good boy. Do you understand?” Omega nodded enthusiastically. Terzo reached behind Omega and undid the cuffs, allowing them to fall onto the bed. Omega let his arms rest at his sides but didn’t move, frozen in place. Terzo looked Omega directly in the eyes, his hand on the clasp to remove the leash from the collar.

“You’ve been such a good ghoul,” Terzo repeated. “Such a good ghoul that I’m going to let you fuck me now. Is that what you want?” Omega whimpered and nodded, unable to find his voice. His breath was coming quick, almost hyperventilating. Terzo undid the leash, leaving the pink collar on Omega’s neck but freeing him from the bedframe. 

Omega immediately pounced on him, pushing him back onto the bed and wedging himself between Terzo’s thighs. When he entered Terzo, it was with a cry from both of them, Omega’s of relief, Terzo’s of overstimulation. Omega looked at Terzo with concern in his eyes but found himself unable to speak. 

“Nnn, don’t stop,” Terzo hissed, wanting to reassure Omega. His legs drew up Omega’s sides to wrap around his waist. Terzo’s nails scored down Omega’s back. His teeth bit into Omega’s shoulder, muffling his noises.

Omega began to thrust hard, resting his head on Terzo’s shoulder and looking down between them. He saw that Terzo was miraculously hard again. He watched himself fuck Terzo, a mesmerizing rhythm of in and out, in and out. He thrust harder, seeing a bulge in Terzo’s stomach in response. He swallowed hard. On second thought, he shouldn’t watch if he wanted to be able to last. That might be out of the question anyway, he thought. He was slipping quickly towards the edge. He needed to make Terzo cum first. He needed it with every fiber of his being.

He propped himself up, reaching down to grab Terzo’s cock. Omega began furiously stroking, trying to catch Terzo up to where he was currently teetering. Terzo moaned loudly, throwing his head back and grinding down on Omega. Terzo clung to Omega’s for dear life. Terzo had always been a vocal lover, but Omega was more grateful now than ever that the papal suite was in a secluded wing of the building.

Omega attempted to reach out to Terzo with his quintessence, to connect their minds in his need to come together, but Terzo shook his head. 

“Too much,” was all he panted, unable to manage anything else. Terzo was probably right; he didn’t think he could hang on for much longer as it was. He gave a particularly hard thrust, hoping to finish Terzo off, but it wasn’t enough.

“Omega!” Terzo was spurred into crying. Omega had been good for far too long, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. Terzo knew that saying his name drove Omega wild. Omega came with a pained yell, unable to stop his body’s reaction. He gnashed his teeth, snarling as he rode out the wave, but it kept coming. He felt so good that it almost hurt. It seemed unending, until slowly, mercifully, it began to ebb away. Unable to support his weight anymore, he slumped down on top of Terzo. Terzo let him lay there for a few minutes, stroking his back affectionately until he really was struggling to breathe.

“Amore. You are crushing me,” he said reluctantly, not wanting to lose his weight. Seeming to just now remember where he was, Omega drew out of Terzo and rolled off of him. He curled up beside Terzo, his face against Terzo’s neck, kissing. Pleading.

“I’m sorry, mio amato. I couldn’t hold on any longer.” His voice was full of genuine guilt as he remembered his earlier need to make Terzo cum. His hand traveled down Terzo’s body to grasp his cock. “Terzo. My Terzo. Please forgive me.” He slid down to nestle his head in the crook of Terzo’s arm, laying on his shoulder. The game was back on. He turned his face to catch Terzo’s nipple, swirling and sucking as he pumped him. Terzo groaned, back arching. Omega propped himself up to better reach the rest of Terzo’s chest, gently kissing and biting his way across it. He zeroed in on the other nipple, giving it the same treatment, stroking Terzo all the while.

Terzo tugged on Omega’s hair, urging him to raise his head up to Terzo’s level. Omega almost wished that the leash was back, wanting to feel the tug on his throat instead. As though he knew what Omega was thinking, Terzo grabbed him by the gold ring on his collar. Omega relished the pressure. He pulled him forward until their lips met in a bruising kiss. Terzo’s other hand slid down his stomach, grazing Omega’s hand that was still working him. It continued down until he slipped two fingers inside himself, still stretched from Omega. He was slick with Omega’s cum, leaking out of him. Omega pulled away, needing to see. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted more, more, more, but his body was tapped out. So he watched, and pumped, as Terzo touched himself. Terzo curled his fingers expertly, his hips again moving in time with his hand.

“Omega,” Terzo whispered, repeating it over and over like a prayer, spreading his legs further. Omega’s cock twitched uselessly, and he growled in frustration. He was still mad at himself; he always tried to make sure they finished together. Why couldn’t he have lasted just a few minutes more? But then, he would’ve missed such a beautiful sight. 

Omega returned to Terzo’s nipple, still watching, unable to tear his eyes away. He pumped harder, faster, until Terzo’s breath was ragged. He kissed his way all the way up to Terzo’s ear, nipping. Omega was breathing heavily, too. He whispered encouragements and sweet nothings.

“Terzo… Mio amato… Please cum for me.” That did it. Terzo came across his own chest with an agonizing cry, orgasm tearing its way through his body. He shook hard, nearly sobbing, clutching desperately at Omega. Omega lapped up Terzo’s mess hungrily with his tongue. He cursed his own physical exhaustion; he never wanted this to end. He let his head rest on Terzo’s chest. When he could move again, Terzo rubbed Omega’s back, ran his hands through his hair.

“Come here,” Terzo ordered softly. When they were laying eye to eye, Terzo reached up and removed Omega’s collar. Omega’s neck felt sore. It must’ve been red and raw, because when Terzo saw the skin underneath, his eyes filled with guilt. “Oh, my poor, poor ghoul,” he said, placing several gentle kisses to his throat. Omega didn’t feel any pain, and wouldn’t have cared if he did. He was too blissfully happy to think about anything other than being in this moment with his husband.

“I am so sorry, mio caro. I got carried away, didn’t I?

“I’m fine, tesoro. Promise,” Omega assured him. He wasn’t quite ready to confess just how much he had enjoyed himself. Instead, he further tangled himself up in Terzo’s arms, basking in his warmth. After a few long minutes, Terzo tried to sit up, but Omega clung to him.

“Amore, I need to get up now,” Terzo said, voice gentle but firm. Omega reluctantly let him go. Omega felt even lonelier in Terzo’s absence than usual.

When Terzo returned it was with a warm, damp towel in hand. Tenderly he cleaned Omega up, peppering him with little kisses along the way. Omega let him finish before pulling him back down on the bed, eliciting a startled yelp from Terzo. He held Terzo close to his chest, nuzzling his face into Terzo’s hair and inhaling deeply. They stayed like that for so long that Omega almost fell asleep, until his stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning. He had been so excited when he realized that he could spend the entire day with Terzo that he’d wasted no time getting ready. What time was it? Ugh. He didn’t want to know. The inevitable march of time just brought him closer to having to say goodbye. Terzo tried to get up, but Omega didn’t let him.

“Come on, amore, you’re hungry. Let me make us something,” Terzo said, trying again to sit. Omega relented. Terzo pushed up onto an elbow, gazing down at him. Omega leaned up to steal a kiss, but Terzo dodged him. “Let me take care of you.”

“You’re already taking care of me,” Omega said earnestly, looking up at him with big, soft eyes, pleading for Terzo to just stay in the bed with him. He took Terzo’s free hand and kissed his palm. Terzo carded a hand through Omega’s hair. He cupped Omega’s chin and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I would love nothing more than to cuddle with you all day, amore, but one of us has to take charge. We aren’t in our 20s anymore, we cannot just fuck the day away. There is nothing wrong with taking a break.” Terzo stood, taking a particularly gratuitous stretch. “Besides, you need to keep up your strength,” Terzo winked.

Omega’s jaw fell slack for a second, a bolt of electricity shooting through him. He closed his eyes, composed his face, and took Terzo’s outstretched hand. Terzo got Omega’s dressing gown and retrieved his own from the sitting room floor. He tried to make Omega sit on the sofa and wait while he cooked for him, but Omega was having none of it. He followed him around the kitchen like a lost puppy. When Terzo had finally gathered everything he needed and was settled at the stove, Omega wrapped his arms around Terzo’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder. Terzo hummed happily.

When they had everything plated, Omega pulled his chair around to the other side of the table to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with Terzo. He was unwilling to allow more than an inch between them. They talked and joked as they ate, occasionally feeding each other in turns. When they were done, Omega helped Terzo with the dishes. Omega was in domestic bliss. This was such a rare taste of the life he craved with Terzo. That they craved together. Acknowledging the rarity threatened to turn it bittersweet, but he wouldn’t let it. No. Nothing was going to ruin today. This day was a gift, and he would treasure it as such.

After lunch, they both settled down on the sofa together. They started out sitting side by side, but at some point, Omega’s head had ended up in Terzo’s lap. Terzo ran a hand through Omega’s hair, reading to him. When they reached a natural stopping point, Terzo set the book aside and looked down at Omega. He took one of Omega’s hands in his own and threaded their fingers together before kissing the back of it.

“Thank you for being so good for me today. My ghoul,” Terzo said, eyes hooded. He gave Omega’s hand another kiss, and then another. Omega sucked in a breath. He sat up, careful not to bump Terzo’s nose. Their lips met in a tender kiss. When it broke, Omega rubbed at the back of his neck, staring at the ground sheepishly before asking:

“Can we, um… Can we do that again?”

[blissfulip]

—Legion

On AO3

Priest!Viktor x F!demon!reader

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Priest Kink, Blasphemy, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Flagellation, Demon Sex, Demon Summoning, Demon/Human Relationships, demon reader, AU - Canon Divergence, Post medieval era, Dubious Science, Church Sex, Roman Catholicism, Catholic Guilt, Improper Use of Catholic Rituals, Shameless Smut, Masturbation, No use of Y/N, third person.

Cw: -

Words: 2.1k

[A/N: I'm alive, alas. Slowly getting back into writing, so bear with me as this one is a bit clunky. (let me know if you want to be tagged or removed in future fic updates!)]

Tags: @ihopeinevergetsoberr @chemical-killjoy @jinxed-jk @bobobomao @queen-of-elves @thedustybunny @syren201 @thayfass @thehistoriangirl @hypocritic-trash-baby @zaunitearchives

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IV. 

The unadorned walls were bare , save for a few peeling patches of paint, and the hanging crucifix was now slightly askew, the squashing emptiness swallowing him as the corners of the room seemed to stretch into infinity. The moonlight shifted, casting a new set of shadows that seemed to twist and writhe like the memories of her that haunted him, and in the quiet of the night, dawn approaching, he drifted asleep, his dreams hollow, bereft, and yearning for something that was no longer. 

The pale gray hue of the morning filtered through Viktor’s eyelashes, painfully morphing into colorful blobs of light inside his eyelids. He lay still, dreading the image of his enclosure in fear of what he might see. When he shifted slightly on the mattress, fully expecting that—now familiar—stinging pain, it was the absence of it that startled him into opening his eyes.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there, head in his hands, trying to piece together the fragments of his shattered memories of the previous night. The crucifix on the wall was as perfectly symmetrical as it had been. His clothes from the previous day lay neatly folded, not discarded in a moment of despair but meticulously placed. 

Viktor forced himself to stand, each movement sluggish and weighed down by the heaviness in his chest. He wandered to the window, looking out at the city below. The world outside continued to move, indifferent to his confusion. He turned back to the room, and the vertical rays of sunlight reflected over the wooden door were a cruel mirror of the oppressive feeling inside him.

"It was just a dream. Heavens above, a nightmare rather," he whispered to himself, desperate to cling to that hope. 

He sank to the floor, his back against the wall and his good knee drawn up to his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to remember her voice, her touch, and the way she spoke to him. But the images were already starting to blur into oneiric shards of memory, delusory scenes that he had made up to cope with whatever bizarre day he had experienced. He had open arms to accept this as fact, but then he looked askance for what should have been less than a second—a hand’s distance away from him, on the floor—and something reflected a small flicker of light in his direction. 

A frail little piece of copper, with a symbol etched on it, was no stranger to him. 

-----------------------------------

The coin was left there, untouched, and Viktor quickly stood up, got dressed, and made his way to the chapel with the intention of seeking confession. Ignoring something has never been proven to make it disappear, but he believed in so many things that had no proof. What's one more day to a life sentence? As he approached the vestry, he heard voices—a gruff, authoritative one and another, softer and more submissive.

Pushing open the door quietly, Viktor saw Father Isidore standing on a small platform, his arms outstretched as a tiny, stooped old man adjusted the fit of a new set of robes. 

"Careful, you fool," Father Isidore snapped, glaring down at the old man who fumbled with the hem. 

The old man mumbled an apology, his hands trembling as he continued his work. Father Isidore's mitre rose high, a stately crown of pristine white, adorned with intricate gold embroidery that glinted with each subtle movement. The patterns weaved a tapestry of reverence and power, a fitting halo for one chosen to serve the divine, at the cost of what could probably feed a family for an entire year. Below, his chasuble cascaded in folds of rich golden yellow, a hue that caught the light and transformed it into a soft glow. This garment, heavy with the weight of the vows of poverty they had both made, bore elaborate designs that told false stories of faith and sanctity. 

The bitter taste of resentment came back to Viktor’s throat. He had come here to confess his own misgivings, but now he was confronted with a deeper, more troubling disquiet. And as acrimony poisoned his heart once more, he felt a small, cold hand resting on his shoulder. His skin prickled, and a cold sweat began to form on his brow. He felt her presence—an unnerving familiarity that made his heart pound in his chest. The air around him seemed to grow colder, the light dimmer. He tried to shake off the feeling, attributing it to his own inner turmoil, but it clung to him, persistent and insidious.

A whisper, soft yet piercing, curled into his ear like a serpent. 

“What a despotic panoply of gold and moral deviance—so much for humility and sacrifice,” her voice whispered in his ear. "I, too, would feel betrayed.” 

Viktor’s eyes darted to his left and right, noting the people before him. He couldn't afford to alarm them; he couldn't let them see his fear. His heart pounded in his chest as he forced himself to remain still. A bead of sweat trickled down Viktor’s temple. He swallowed hard, his mind racing. He knew she sought to unnerve him and break his spirit. Summoning every ounce of his will, he started to pray in his mind, each word a lifeline in the gathering darkness.

“ Júdica Dómine nocéntes me; expúgna impugnántes me. Confundántur et revereántur… ” he started, pulling the string of words from a distant memory. 

“Haven’t we established that your god does not listen to your prayers, Viktor?”

Her voice rang loud and clear to him, but the unmoving expressions of the two men before him made it apparent that they could not hear her. “. ..quaeréntes ánimam meam. Avertántur retrórsum et confundántur, cogitántes míhi mála.” He continued, now fearing he had gone insane.

“Never you mind, my sweet. I’ll be gone again soon, but first, I thought you should know the delightsome old lady you lied for yesterday has been excommunicated for ‘transferring her tithe to another person’” 

She stayed long enough to delight in the sudden indignation Viktor felt, gently brushing her hand over the rosary he had tightened his grip around before melting into thin air from where she came from quickly, as there was no one when he turned back to express his anger. His breath came in shallow, controlled measures, and the men were unaware of the silent battle that had taken place but now aware of Viktor’s presence as he stepped inside the room completely. 

“Viktor, come in, come in, feeling refreshed this morning?” He said, clearly an excoriation made to mock Viktor’s clearly tired presence. 

The anger Viktor had been holding in check surged to the surface. "Is it true?" he demanded, his voice trembling with suppressed emotion. "Did you excommunicate her?"

Father Isidore did not seem grieved by his accusation; if anything, he stood dignified in his decision. 

“It’s certainly interesting that you feel wronged by it, considering it was your fraudulent lies that caused this.”

“My— “ Viktor had to stop himself from saying anything more, and he left the room hurriedly before his resolve to stay quiet betrayed him. 

This was it—the drop that contained the sea. 

---------------------------------

As he walked back to his quarters, his thoughts drifted back to the market, where he had often seen the old woman. Her face, lined with age and hardship, right next to the rubicund face of plump arrogance, seemed frail. She wore a threadbare shawl over her hunched shoulders, and he wore gold tread and rich velvets. Her fingers gnarled and trembled as she sold her meager wares—simple trinkets and worn fabrics. Viktor recalled the way her eyes had sparkled with gratitude when he had offered her a few coins for a trinket he didn’t need, insignificant next to the bishop’s half-a-dozen golden rings and precious jewelled rosary beads. 

The church itself was a monument to grandeur, with its towering spires, stained glass windows, and intricate carvings. It was a place where wealth was displayed in every corner, from the gilded altar to the finely wrought candelabras. Viktor had always taken pride in the beauty of his church, believing it reflected the glory of God. One step outside of it, though, would transport him to the cobblestone roads lined with the destitute, families huddled in the cold, and children with hollow eyes and empty stomachs. 

The market would be bustling with activity, but it was a scene of struggle and survival. People bartered and begged, their faces etched with the desperation of poverty, but their eyes still smiled when they saw him, hopeful that his presence—to them, divine—would at least save their souls. 

His cup was overflowing. 

With a determined stride, Viktor crossed the room and pulled the book from the shelf. He ran his fingers over the cover, feeling a surge of excitement and defiance. The prohibition that had once held him back now seemed an affront to the pursuit of truth and knowledge. The anger within him had crystallized into a clear resolve: if the church could betray its principles, then he no longer felt bound by its restrictions.

Viktor sat at his desk, opening the white-covered book with reverent hands. The pages were filled with meticulous diagrams and elegant prose, and as he began to read, the words seemed to leap off the page, igniting a passion that had been suppressed. The theories and observations weren’t groundbreaking to him, but they challenged the very foundations of the geocentric worldview that the Church so adamantly defended.

The elegant simplicity of the heretic’s heliocentric model resonated so deeply with Viktor, aligning with the sense of order and reason he had always believed in, that it almost brought genuine laughter out of him. He continued with his studies, not quite hiding it anymore but not eager for Father Isidore to find out either. Viktor turned, already sensing her presence before he saw her. She materialized from the shadows, her form unmistakable. Her eyes, burning with a white light, fixed on him with a mixture of curiosity and amusement.

"Hanging up the cassock, are we?” This time, her voice resonated clearly in the room instead of in his head.

There was no fear in Viktor this time; he stood his ground, meeting her gaze with a calm intensity. “No, but I’ve confronted a reality I was blind to.”

She smiled. “Is that gratitude I sense in your voice?” 

It was, but he did not answer. 

“You walk a dangerous path, Viktor; it is casuistic and intellectually dishonest of you to keep pretending you hold the same values as you did before.” 

“Many people have done it before; many have conciliated science and faith.”

“And all of them have been either branded as heretic and excommunicated or executed. Take a guess at where they are now.”

“Purgatory?” He said with a defeated but somehow playfully sarcastic tone. 

“What an extraordinary hoax purgatory is; at least have the guts to commit to the inferno.” She chuckled. 

Viktor had to quickly catch himself before he shared a laugh with her, immediately reverting into a pessimistic tone as he turned back around, away from the good-humored environment. 

“I can’t leave; this community needs me.”

“They do. It is far from me to express antagonism against that.” 

“You are trying to convince me to.”

“No. But you will see that you do not need organized religion to help those people. Eventually you will.”

“Perchance.” He said, Pensive. 

She circled him slowly. "You intrigue me. There is strength in you, a strength that few possess. I will watch your journey with great interest." 

Viktor’s resolve wavered slightly under her gaze. There was an intensity in her eyes that unnerved him, a predatory gleam that spoke of desires beyond his understanding. 

"Watch if you will," he said, his voice steady. "I will not be swayed by you again.”

Her smile widened with a knowing, almost lascivious grin. "So sure of yourself," she purred, her voice dripping with seduction. She stepped closer, the air around her growing colder. “Why are you so ready to defy the dogma when it comes to science but so hesitant when it comes to your own indulgence?”

“It’s selfish,” he answered almost immediately. “Hedonistic.” 

“It would be, if you were seeking pleasure at someone’s expense. The idea that seeking self-gratification is selfish is merely puritan ideology; I trust you are now beyond that, after what I showed you last time.” 

Her fingers trailed down his arm, and Viktor fought to suppress the shiver that followed. He met her gaze, his eyes filled with defiance. 

"I will not yield."

“And I will not make you. You will call for me; you will yearn .”

[i-sveikata]

Hello!

I don't want to ask about the next chapter date, but I really liked when you'd talk about future chapters here, even when it was just mentioning the percentage of writing done or any small detail. So, if you don't mind and enjoy answering questions about it, what was you favorite scene to write and the most difficult one? Anything funny/interesting about it or the writing process? Have you decided where you want the next chapter to end? Was there a scene you weren't really looking forward to writing, but it needed to happen for the sake of the plot? I hope this isn't too spoiler-y, it can be as vague as you like! Hope you have a great day ✨️

hi anon! ha thats great cause i dont know it!

totally happy to talk about the chapter! lmao i got no idea about percentage done only that (as always) the chap is likely to end up longer than i expected ahhahahaahahah.

ive been writing a lot of smut scenes so most of the overall vibe of the chap has been pretty horny lol. its always a different experience writing sex scenes because youre trying to fit a lot of working parts together like what are the main emotions being conveyed? is it sexy and sensual? is it raw and messy and violently passionate? and then there's all the practical considerations like where are their hands at? who took pants off first? did you remember to remove the socks? are they actually in the kind of position that would be physically impossible in real life? lmao. i find the most important part is making a sex scene believable because youre not going to get a reaction from an audience who doesnt believe in it. and if its not believable then even that has its own function and is fulfilling some kind of narrative purpose in the moment to underlay an unaddressed tension. it feels like there are a lot of layers to the characters in this fic and honestly that comes across into the sex too!!

so in this chap they're in a very interesting new dynamic now where pete has been the one sort of chasing Vegas (and it kind of blew up in his face a little) like sure he's admitted to being angry but he hasn't quite admitted to what that did to his trust in vegas. pete offering himself to vegas was a BIG deal and vegas running off anyway was a deep cut to pete (even if vegas also gave him the ring). and that hasn't been sufficiently addressed as yet- so pete is already falling back into old habits of being a little more guarded with himself again. and vegas is such an emotional mess at the moment he's trying to deepen their intimacy as much as he can. he wants to feel close to pete but hes at least self aware enough about his chances for that which is why hes so intent in doing it through physical means (sex and bodily intimacy). i think vegas is very sensitive to any changes to petes behaviour around him so its not going to take very long for him to pick up theres something affecting the previous easy comfort they were finding in each others company before the coup. which is also why hes coming on a lot stronger in the sense of being possessive of pete and his time around people who arent a threat to him (i.e his brother and pete's family) and then being openly hostile to people who have some kind of claim to pete (like his childhood friend poom who isnt romantically interested in pete). basically vegas is feeling insecure of their relationship just as pete is feeling a little insecure about his ability to trust vegas- they're just showing the effects of this in different ways!! (well pete isnt quite showing it as yet but he will)

hmm favourite scene atm is their messy bathroom hook up tbh it is really off the wall for them. i wouldnt say theres an especially difficult scene- i dont normally view writing like that but i have been reworking a lot of that bathroom scene because its actually going to include both POVs and ive been trying to figure out the best place for that POV shift to transition (but i think i've finally decided on a point that im satisfied with). for scenes im interested in most i tend to write those first and then build on them long enough that they end up linking together with other scenes into a comprehensive storyline so there's not really scenes i'm not looking forward to writing if that makes sense? theres obvs like the research details which i end up having to search for but i usually put in placeholders so it doesnt affect the flow of the writing whilst im doing it. i guess for your question then that it would just be the scenes that i get to last? but that doesnt necessarily mean i dont like them or arent interested in them or don't want to write them. it's weirdly a lot less conscious decision making in regards to that. im mostly just filling in scenes that i havent written yet at the moment. i usually like the ideas i come up with for the sake of the plot so there's really not that much reluctance in those plot decisions tbh!! like i came up with a connection/ backstory to the minor family/ main family rings which tankhun is planning to use to his advantage (and get petes help to do so) and it ended up tying in really well with the characterisations of Mr Korn and Mr Kan so that it slotted very neatly (imo) into the fic! i dont mind being too spoilery if people don't mind being spoiled!! but i know ppl have different standards for that so it's better (and sometimes more fun!) to be a bit vague.

thanks for the questions!! it was great to think about. hope you have a great day too! :)

[calsvoid]

writing meme: about me

i got tagged by @lusthurts so thank you for that <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

ive been into writing for years before i got into fanfiction specifically so i guess just from reading fanfiction i guess, but if you want a longer story, i got more interested in writing from roleplaying on amino and got into fanfiction because the fandom i was in at the time got OBSESSED with this one popular work and i just HAD to check it out

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

officially, my ao3 account only has glee works rn but i do have a 911 fic im working on and i do want to venture into more fandoms, but i don’t really have the confidence to do so yet

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

i’ve been trying since 2020 to be more of a fanfic writer but never actually got anything solid until 2023 so 1-4 years depending on how you see it

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

definitely read im a slowass writer and part of that is because im too busy reading fanfiction instead of writing

5. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

overall in the years i’ve been a writer, i feel like i’m better at portraying characters as well rounded and creating characters that aren’t just one stereotype. when it comes to my time as a fanfic writer, im better at writing actual scenes rather than just random narration

6. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

the probability of survival when falling from certain heights. also ohio the glee writers were cruel for making their show based in fucking ohio of all places

7. What's your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

i’m honestly not picky i love all types of comments, but if i really had to choose, it’d probably be any that point out a specific part or line or whatever in my writing. it makes me so happy when people have some detail stick with them

8. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

i honestly haven’t done anything too intense in my writing i think the most out there i’ve gotten is just emotional infidelity and that’s just standard for seblaine. i do plan on killing blaine in one wip of mine, but it’s just an idea for now because i’ve got other shit to focus on

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

longer stories are literally impossible for me. i absolutely SUCK at writing anything longer than a couple thousand words and even that is hard for me. smut is also hard but that’s because i haven’t bothered to write smut, so different vibes

10. What is the easiest type?

well if you see how many hurt no comfort fics i’ve published it’s obvious fluff is what i’m best at. but yeah short vignette angsty stories are super easy for me to write. it’s just 50% projection and 50% exaggeration and 100% gay, so no problem there

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

i often write at home, on my notes app, at any point of the day, and i post all my stuff on ao3. i will sometimes edit on my laptop on google docs, but i get lazy too and so my latest fics have been mostly raw and unedited.

12. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

smut and literally any ship that isn’t seblaine and also longer works. i’d love to be one of those writers who comes out with these multi chapter masterpieces but i’m just not right now. i’ve had ideas for other ships too, but i never really flesh them out because they’re usually stuff that would span across thousands of words and i don’t have the time, energy, nor skill level to do that yet. and again, for smut, i just never bother, and while i think im never going to be the explicit sex scenes type of writer, i love the angst potential of it

13. What made you choose your username?

acedisgrace is a name i’m like 85% sure i saw a joke about from a stolen tumblr post on instagram and i was like hey im asexual and a disappointment haha what if i change my discord name to that and then eventually when i got an ao3 account, i just went with it because i saw it was available there too. as for calsvoid, they’re my initials and i spew whatever bullshit i want on tumblr and also i wish i didn’t have a body and instead was an amorphous blob of nothingness

i don’t really know who to tag that i haven’t already seen tag so anyone who would like to do this can

[losersroom]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tetrapod7! thanks man, this was a fun one.

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 17 on my current account. there's more on my old one and obviously that doesn't count everything i published on other platforms (livejournal, ff.net) in the ancient days, lol

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount? again just on the wolfspider account, 168,153. i cant tell if that feels low or high to me

3. what fandoms do you write for? right now, just wild hrpf. in the past it's been mostly anime and various cartoons.

4. top five fics by kudos: i'm hitting the skip button on this because like. wrt my own work i think it's not a very good metric of EITHER how popular those stories actually were OR the quality of them; they're mostly the TUA ones and im chalking that up to that fandom being Huge when i was active. my most kudos'd fic of all time is still how much was mine to keep, though, and i think that one holds up.

5. do you respond to comments? i try to now. i went through a long phase of not engaging with comments due to Social Anxiety and also being kind of fed up with the hyper-combative culture in the fandoms i was in. like i wanted to just yeet my work out there and be done with it. in hrpf fandom i'm actually interested in the community aspect though so ive been trying to get over myself and respond as best i can.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? the brodsfabes time loop fic, hands down. it's weird because as a reader i am um. not very into unhappy endings or unconsummated angst but every once in a while when i'm writing i'll get into a Mood and write something viscerally upsetting. anyway that one was pretty clearly me processing some grief that was happening in my real life, lol.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? probably entangled, from my spiderverse days. ngl i kind of hate it now though so let's move on from this. i think most of my fic has happy or at least ambiguously-positive endings, though.

8. do you get hate on fics? only one time ever and it was someone complaining that a ship i tagged for wasn't present in the story after One Chapter so. we're discounting that one. i've been pretty lucky!

9. do you write smut? yeah. my relationship with writing pornography ebbs and flows, like. sometimes i'll be really into it but sometimes i'll just stick a sex scene into a story where i feel like it's the least interesting thing that happens because people expect it and aren't going to read a romance that isn't leading up to that. i'm a horrible pervert and building up to a sex scene is an easy way to give your story a climax (...in multiple senses of the word) though so. why not.

10. craziest crossover: i don't write crossovers but if i did it would be the insane one ive been thinking about lately where the minnesota wild are stuck in the dungeon from dungeon meshi

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? not to a degree that i can prove it but part of the reason i left TUA fandom was somebody, in my opinion, ripped off large chunks of one of my fics and did just enough massaging of the language to make it defensible as Not Plagiarism. ruined the whole experience for me though.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? no, i think that would be one of the highest honors i could receive as a writer though. i wish i knew enough of a second language to translate my own work, but i'm still at like a kindergarten level in japanese so that will. Not happen.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? tried to once with someone i am no longer friends with, it was a disaster. never gonna do that again. i am just too much of a control freak to relinquish any amount of creative decisionmaking i think.

14. all time favorite ship? don't have one! i tend to like hyperfixate on one ship for anywhere from one month to a year and a half and then when the brain juice runs out im Done and i never want to think about this concept again. im giving check please jackparse a point for being a ship i can read about post-fixation without getting bored but other than that. right now it's 725, in the future, who can say.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but never will? [stares at my overflowing gdocs draft folder. stares at the camera] i do not see it

16. what are your writing strengths? i like my prose, most of the time, and i think i'm pretty good at descriptive writing and like, internal character voice. sometimes i can accidentally stumble into excellent pacing

17. what are your writing weaknesses? INTENTIONALLY good pacing. writing dialogue that sounds like a human said it and not a sitcom character. i'm decent at line-by-line editing but awful at structural editing. recently ive become aware that i tend to subconsciously reuse certain plot beats a lot.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? like anything else, there's a way to do this that's fine and interesting and a way to do it that's insultingly terrible and it all depends on intent and execution. like if you're peppering in phrases in a second language just to show off that a character Is Foreign, don't do that. try to do it in a way that's realistic for how people talk. do it purposefully, i suppose

19. first fandom you wrote in? god dude i do NOT remember this was literally 21 years ago but probably either naruto or fullmetal alchemist.

20. favorite fic you've written? probably one of the unpublishable ones tbh. or the time loop one again. honestly i really like all my hrpf work, ive been putting out some bangers lately. it's nice to feel like ive been growing as an ~artist~ or whatever.

[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ boys never grow up. chapter 3

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 2k!!

chapter warnings: so much angst, some fluff if you squint. tae is really sad and reader is kind of mean in this chapter (but shes just confused its ok!) some suggestive talk but nothing major. i think thats all?

A/N- hey everyone! thank you for being so patient with this chapter, I apologize again for going offline for like 2 months, school and work is so crazy but Im glad to be back and writing. Enjoy chapter 3 and check my page for the previous 2 chapters. I will make a masterlist with each chapter soon.

"Honestly if you ask me, hes not doing you any favors. hes holding you back, he works from home and expects you to stay there with him, like a child who depends on their parent. its pathetic. I dont know why hes so defensive over you, He probably has a crush. Hes not very good at hiding it-"

you stared off at the wall behind your boyfriend, Kaito, as he rambled about the previous days altercation. you agreed to meet him for breakfast at the cafe down the street despite you trying to find an excuse out of it that wasnt: "I need to talk to Tae".

you had tried to communicate with tae as soon as you walked out of your room but he was afraid you were mad, and made up some lie about meeting with a friend. you know tae isnt meeting up with anyone. perhaps kaito was correct about the whole 'he depends on you' type thing, because since you guys had agreed to be friends with benefits, he isolated himself to just you. it was slightly concerning considering the fact you two are no longer exclusive, yet he remains emotionally attached.

"What do you think?" he spoke up, taking a sip of his still steaming coffee, while yours remained untouched.

shit.

"about what?" your eyes grew large, hands resting in your lap as you met his confused and slightly irritated gaze.

"about moving in with Chae? I just said it?"

you scoffed under your breath and looked out the window, shaking your head. he was still talking about this? you think he would learn and know better after last nights scene which was caused by this very topic.

"i dont....I dont know kai. Ive got a lot on my plate right now, and she hasnt even reached out to me about that so" you shrugged and looked down at your mug.

"whats going on with you?" he began, eyes scanning over your slumped frame. "you are a mess lately, you dont listen to me when I talk, you havent been keeping up with homework, youre always busy."

you sadly fidgeted with your coat sleeve, realizing everything he was saying was true.

"you know your grades are dropping in Ms.Daniels class right? you never submitted your final scene for the semester and she keeps bugging me to tell you about it, even though you should be keeping track of it yourself, Y/N"

you sighed deeply before nodding, feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. " i know" you mumbled.

"you are becoming distracted. dont let him do that to you. hes 23 years old and he is acting like that? keeping you from being successful just because he dropped out of college himself?"

you felt like your heart had been stabbed by your boyfriends words. You loved tae, he was your best friend, you spent all night in tears over how guilty you felt about this whole situation. you loved him, more than you had realized, but within those thoughts you also came to the conclusion that all you two had was sex. there was no dates, there was no true quality time together that didnt end up with you both making out. You wanted better, you wanted a relationship, which is the one thing Tae didnt want, and you know he would never date you.

Maybe that was it, all these harbored feelings which longed for something he would never give you. but you have kaito now, and its not fair for you to allow Taehyung to cling to your feet while also pursuing a relationship. what were you thinking? about to give up a relationship with a man who actually will give you want you want for some playdate? get yourself together y/n.

"you are right." you swallowed and wiped a tear, looking up at him. he frowned, "im not trying to hurt your feelings, im just saying what I think can help"

"no, no, angel." you reached over to hold his hand. "I need to start focusing on me and less on him. You are correct"

"can I ask you something?" Kaito mumbled, his thumb running over your knuckles.

"hm?"

"were you and him ever together?"

you laughed, shaking your head while trying to think of exactly how to word it. "no. we were never together in any kind of way" you offered a reassuring smile as he nodded.

"ok, im just trying to figure out why he could be so obsessed with you" he laughed

you hummed, "me and him have been friends since we were little, we do everything together and I think since he moved away from his parents, i remind him most of home?" you shrugged.

"maybe. or he likes you" he laughed again.

you bit your lip and shook your head. "no, I dont think so"

"ive seen the way he looks at you." he went on, sitting back. "im a man, y/n, I know these things".

"what things?"

"you know...like when a guy is 'intruiged' by a girl, wants to 'be' with them." he gestures. "to be honest he does seem like the kind to just try and get what he wants then leave" he added on casually, eating the last bite of the shared muffin in front of you.

you were in shock. Is that what all men did? did taehyung only see you in that way?

"and...how do you see me?"

kaito looks back at you and smiles, "i see you as the most beautiful girl, who I love immensely and would do anything for"

your cheeks blush, sitting back in your seat as your hands fidgeted.

"do you wanna just spend the day together? you dont have to go back tonight, id imagine things are....tense, back at the apartment" kaito suggested, standing up and tossing trash away.

spend the day and spend the night with kaito? but what about taehyung? another missed opportunity to finally talk with him.

"sure" you mumble. "but I do need to head home first for a few hours so I can finish some homework, can you pick me up around 6?" you ask, getting up as well.

he kissed your forhead. "ill be there"

-

Taehyung had been sitting by the lake while he attempted to read "The Catcher In The Rye", a book you previously suggested to him. He didnt understand this type of literature, it wasnt for him. He was never the type to sit and read, but oh how he wanted to be like you.

he lied and told you he was meeting up with a friend from high school, which he knew you wouldnt believe, considering he doesnt have any friends. He just wanted an excuse to avoid you and whatever angry words you had to share with him.

he realized a few things last night, 1, that the chance of you feeling how he feels about you, was literally 0 now. and 2, he needs to get his shit together. It would be hard to just throw away how he felt, especially with what Dahyun said last night. but he knew nothing would come from this. tae needs to focus on tae.

He never regretted his college decision, but he regretted devoting his time so young with some fucking business corporation. If he could chose to do anything, it would be an artist, or something like that. He would love to teach art to younger children. He loved kids and the freedom of expression, the freedom of just being and living. He wished he had motivation to go after what he wanted like you did. Perhaps he believes reading books you enjoy will somehow change him.

or not, considering hes reread the same page 4 times. he looked up to view the water. the way it rippled slightly with the wind. His attention was then caught by a much older man sitting just on the other side of the lake with an easel and canvas, painting. he smiled to himself as he began to think of all the possibilities his life could go in. Since the pandemic, hes kinda been at a stand still. Now the world is open and, truthfully, if he tries hard enough, he could do whatever he wanted. maybe he was too dependent on certain people in his life.

he looked down at his phone to check the time, seeinng you had texted him. He nervously opened the message which contained:

bumblebee: hey, staying over at kaitos tonight. im home rn so do you want me to cook something for you and leave it for dinner? lmk."

he scoffed. you seriously think he cant cook or fend for himself. Hell, you start a kitchen fire ONE TIME and suddenly you cant make dinner.

his eyebrows furrowed. he didnt care anymore if you were gonna spend time with kaito. you were not his to claim. you dont care so why should he? he wants to just forget about everything, the friends with benefits, the dream, YOU, everything.

you had stopped typing on your computer to read his response,

tata: no, thank you though. have fun!

you rolled your eyes, considering throwing together some miso soup and putting it on the stove for him. you knew he was still angry, you hadnt even been able to talk or sort it out, but he was trying to pull some act on you.

you left him on read before getting up and cooking, knowing he would end up eating it anyway.

Taehyung had stood from his spot and brushed the grass stain off his jeans before walking back home. He hoped he wouldn't have to talk to you, but the minute he walked in proved it would be harder than he thought.

you were stood in the kitchen, hair pulled back in a clip and you were applying lipstick through the reflection of the microwave.

you both saw eachother, speaking at the same time.

"is that my book?" "you made soup?"

you both smiled. "you read the book while you were with your friend?" you mumble, screwing the cap back onto your lipstick and throwing it into your overnight bag.

"yep" he pressed his lips together. "he had to, uh, leave early and I wanted to enjoy the nice air today so I stayed out longer. Brought it to keep me busy."

you crossed your arms and looked at him, nodding.

"hm, what do you think of Holden?" you asked.

his eyebrows raised as he looked at the book in his hand.

"uh, I mean. Hes a great guy" tae shrugged nonchalantly.

you scoffed. "no he isnt, hes incredibly flawed, and you did not read that book taehyung"

he looked toward the floor, accepting defeat. "Ok...but look" he walked further into the kitchen as he explained himself. "I cant get into it, I dont get any of the books that you recommend, like cmon what the hell is the 'bird that flew over the cuckoos tree'???"

"its 'nest' tae, and of course you cant get into it" you laughed to yourself. "they arent meant for you."

he put the book down on the table and looked up sadly, confused. "what does that mean?"

you sigh "it means you are childish"

"oh" he looks back at his shoes, deciding not to say anything further.

"you just like simple things, things that dont complicate you. stick to mangas and shit." you spoke, checking your bag so you have everything ready to go to kaitos.

you didnt mean to be rude. but you were fed up. here he is being all attached and in your space again, not even addressing or apologizi-

"look im sorry" he spoke up, voice raspy as he clears it.

you stand to look back at him, eyebrows raised.

"im sorry for being awful last night, it was so out of order and I understand I am quick to act like that and Ill do what I can to avoid it. Im sorry I made things weird, im sorry I embarrassed you and your boyfriend, im sorry for all of it. I am sorry that you feel like you cant talk to me, and im sorry for reading your book, or not? reading it? Im sorry that the reason I was so off yesterday is because I had a dream where we were intimate and it made me feel gross and disgusting because not even 5 hours later your boyfriend was in the room. im sorry that im too involved with you, you are my best friend and you are only that. I wont hold you back anymore, have fun at kaitos and text me. or dont, i dont care. Thanks for the soup." he spoke flatly, taking a breath as he finished then walking casually to his room as you stood there frozen, unsure of what to do or say.

"what the fuck?" you whispered to yourself, trying to unpack everything he just said. A dream??

you clutched your head and sighed. everything is such a mess. you finished throwing stuff into your bag and grabbed your phone, wanting kaito to pick you up an hour earlier, you needed to get out of the apartment and free your mind of whatever the fuck is going on. you needed to just have a nice time with your boyfriend.

taehyung leaned against the door to his bedroom and watched you leave with kaito. once you were gone, he shut the door and threw his hands to his face in shame. he really just let everything go there.

He wanted to rip the bandaid off, he wasnt sure it was the best way to do it but....kinda too late now. He wasnt sure what you would think of him now, but his conscience is now clean and he can do what he has been wanting to do: move on.

A/N: whew. the plot thickens. !!expect chapter 4 to be out friday!! comment to join taglist!

@taebangtanbabe

@turnthepageandbeburnt

[showmey0urfangs]

i love your thoughts on claudia, especially what you said about the past 6 episodes. you’ve pretty much articulated all my misgivings with this season but far more thoughtfully and succinctly lol. ive been iffy about their handling of her since the lazy writing that was the assault in s1 but in terms of motivations and personality i felt like s1 was still coherent and convincing when it came to her. s2 though, yikes. feels like she got a personality transplant and it’s so rough to watch. where is the shrewdly perceptive cunning woman who outsmarted everyone? desperation/loneliness or not, trying to convince anyone that she’d be so clueless to the point of begging for entry into this tacky coven is laughable. if it wasn’t for delainey’s performance i wouldn’t buy any of it for a second. she’s fantastic and probably my favourite thing about this season but like you said, an actor can only elevate the material so far. it’s unfortunate that the writing isn’t meeting her halfway. i keep hoping for a last minute twist and for something to be revealed about her characterization, be it memory failings or outright lies but the more the season progresses the more more i think this uneven, patchy characterization might just be who they think claudia is :( and i hate that for her (and me lol)

Hi! Thank you for saying this, it makes me feel so much better. 😅 Sometimes I feel like I'm taking crazy pills or smth because I don't see anyone else pointing out the weird writing and characterization this season.

It was even more blatant in this most recent episode. Armand is the most powerful mindgift user out of all the vampires and the show makes it a point to show us the extent of his powers many times. We see him unearth Daniel's deepest and most shameful secrets in ep3, as easily as if he was reading from the phonebook. But somehow we're supposed to buy that he's not aware that Daniel is working with the Talamasca and that Rashid is a double agent operating right under his nose? Come on now! And clearly, the writers were aware of this plot hole because Daniel snarkily points it out in the very same episode. But still, no good explanation is ever given for it. Repeat after me Uncle RoJo, characters pointing out flaws in the narrative in a clever bit of meta-textural self-derision does not prevent it from being bad writing.

I also don't understand why Louis would buy the silly lie that Armand was "given a choice" by the coven. I could not prevent it my butt! Louis's seen how powerful Armand is. He should know Armand would have absolutely nothing to fear from those theatre freaks when he can freeze and barbeque all of them with a snap of his fingers. We see him do it in ep 4 with ease. So is Louis a naive dum dum or is he simply too dickmatized—by a man who the story repeatedly lets us know Louis doesn't care for and no longer even has sex with by the looks of things? (#justiceforloumand! We were robbed of all their freaky BDSM scenes 😭)

It's such a bummer because I so wanted to love this season. There are so many moments that are exquisite and the entire cast was acting their skinny overcaffeinated asses off. They were giving Oscar-worthy performances under less than ideal circumstances of multiple strikes, a major recasting etc. But unfortunately, the overall narrative just falls flat because of the incoherent writing choices.

My fingers are crossed that maybe something will be revealed in the next two episodes, that explains why a lot of the characters feel so ooc and behave like naive clueless dum dums in order to allow the plot to happen.

[crimeronan]

hi!!! do you have any writing or anything abt those characters nova, sol, devin, and ruby? im scrolling thru ur tags trying to figure out what their deal is lol

(also that luz + hunter qpr fic you wrote permanently changed my brain chemistry. thank you for putting it into the world. undoubtedly one of my fav owl house fics ive ever read)

oh thank you so much re: the owl house fic!! i love luz and hunter so Much and want to write like 100,000 more words about them

i don't have a whole lot of new snippets to post of the original fiction project but you can look thru my tag for it to see some notes and scenes drafted over the past ~3 years. granted, the project has evolved a lot since i started writing it, so plenty of stuff is no longer canon-accurate!

that said, it's been a while since i talked about these characters and the story they're in, so!

like most of my owl fics (and fics for other fandoms), it's a story that's largely about grief and chronic illness; it's also a story about power and what people do with it

without getting too heavily into plot spoilers, the main cast are:

sol (she/her): full name "winter solstice," certified loner bitch with very clear Issues. she has a stranglehold on the sex work industry in her fictional city in this fictional world & very little interest in ceding that power. she's originally from a place that has been blighted by famine & has a bunch of trauma from all kinds of sources, nowadays she only trusts two people in the entire world fully -- devin and ruby. also, she hates nova's guts and wants nova dead in the most grisly way possible.

ruby (she/her): full name "ruby sunrise," hails from the same place and cultural background as sol, shares her native language and her traditions. ruby cares more than sol about preserving both sides of her heritage & culture (she's biracial), and she's very invested in kindness and decency. what she wants more than anything is to leave a positive mark on the world, but she's lonely and lacks a lot of the support she needs. she loves both sol and devin fiercely.

devin (he/they/she): in pain pretty much constantly because of a chronic illness that's Supposed to be a "blessing"; they're a powerful magician who functions as the reincarnation of a god. this position comes with a lot of responsibilities and varying miseries. devin has made a lot of questionable choices in her quest for autonomy and for making the world better; nowadays she spends a lot of time helping sol do grisly crimes and trying to protect underprivileged people. all while knowing that their magic is a terminal autoimmune disease.

nova (she/her): like devin, she functions as the reincarnation/personification of a god. because of this, she and devin are fated soulmates, which she is determined to honor even though devin hates her and does not want to be her soulmate and has made no secret of that. she comes from a privileged background with an idyllic childhood, tons of adult support, and very little strife. she believes that the best thing that she can do is serve her purpose of preserving the status quo, and she's Extremely Vexed when people make this harder for her. also believes she can outrun the autoimmune part of her magic with yoga and jogging.

all four of them function in my usual sweet spot of "people who all kind of suck and are making kind of terrible terrible decisions, but who are also doing the best they can with what they have." and. i love them

[sagemoderocklee]

...and that's another year of writing done!

Happy New Year's, everyone! Can't believe we've gone through yet another year of a pandemic (despite what government's around the world tell us about it being over).

This year was a strange one. The later half of the year feels like such a haze for me, days bleeding together, much like they did in 2020. Why? Because, after two years of being as safe as possible, I caught Covid. And not only did I catch Covid in early May, I was one of the lucky ones to get Long Haul Covid, and with that I have spent the last half of 2022 on a medical leave.

It's been a difficult year for me. There are very few things about 2022 that went according to plan--between catching Covid and simply not having the money, my plans to move to Ireland at the end of this summer didn't happen, and while the plan is to postpone my move, to when is still to be decided. I have also let my sewing and portfolio building fall to the wayside, largely--again--because of my health.

However, there are some things to be happy about and this post is my chance to look back and celebrate my writing victories.

sagemoderocklee's 2022 Fic Wrap

Absolution: Part IV (WiP)

While the goal had been to end the year with another update, tragically it was not in the cards. My health being what it is and my focus being on completing other projects, and Absolution being the huge piece it is, I felt it made more sense not to try pushing out Part V. However, I am very happy I was able to start the year with an Absolution update as this fic is very much one of my faves. The fourth part of this fic was a bit of a challenge to write, especially in the middle, but I finally hit on the beats I really needed. A big complication with Absolution was that the remaining 6 chapters, which I had fully planned and plotted, needed tweaking... which is to say Absolution needed to be longer. So I had to move all the plotting I had from Part IV on and rebuild and entirely rewrite each chapter/scene-by-scene breakdown. I'm pretty solid at the moment with Parts V through VIII in terms of plotting, and now I think I can safely say this fic will be a total of 13 chapters (the last one being an epilogue), but that could change since I still have to finish all the restructuring. I know all the key beats and the end goal, but sorting out the getting from one point to the next is really the big issue. However, all that being said, I do want to start the new year with Absolution, so that will be my top priority for January!

Pomegranate Sun: Ch1 (WiP) Co-authoring with @ghoste-catte

The first chapter of this fic I started writing a couple years ago, sometime after I got the prologue from @ghoste-catte. And then, of course, I stopped and didn't touch it again for... ages. But with the Naruto-Run last December and @ghoste-catte wanting to have a special fic for the big milestone of 100 GaaLee fics, it was time to work on this baby again. It is absolutely no surprise that when I get to worldbuild I'm in my comfort zone, so even though it took a while, once I got into working on this (while sick with covid, no less) I was happy. And this is going to be such a fresh piece of worldbuilding since we're bringing in OCs from the far west of Wind Country!

Plus One (COMPLETE)

So, I signed up for a bingo challenge and ended up writing a slightly spicy one-shot. Certainly not the spiciest thing in the world, but I very much enjoy writing flirty!Gaara. I have a LOT of feelings about the way fandom and even the canon blank period treats him surrounding sex/sexuality, and it's really informed a lot of how I view and approach Gaara as a gay male character. This wasn't like a huge piece (though I have an even sexier sequel planned), but it was so much fun.

It Eats Your Heart: Ch2 (WiP)

Chapter 2 of IEYH took me about a year to write. I was struggling. It gave me writer's block. It made me wanna throw my computer. My roommate helped me workshop it a bit. And it still took me forever to finish it. Then finally--FINALLY--I hit on what was missing. This chapter was a fucking bitch, but gotdamn was it worth it. I'm so happy with how this turned out and I'm so looking forward to finishing this fic in the new year.

Pearl-Filled Lungs: II, III, IV, Epilogue (COMPLETE)

My beloved enemy. This fic sat for three years, untouched and miserable. I'd started chapter two... last year? The year before? I don't remember, and it languished. I think it was just the first scene--maybe just part of the first scene. But god it was a struggle. I signed up for the WiP BB last year, but dropped. Signed up again this year and... committed. Largely because of the artist who, though unable to complete art for this fic, was such a huge inspiration. The WIPs they sent me... I wish I could share them because they were stunning. When they were unable to continue, I really thought I'd give up, but once again @ghoste-catte inspired me to continue, thanks to their generous offer to make banners for my fic--and the banners are truly such a work of art! And someone... I got through this fic. I think my original vision comes through, despite how much I bitched and moaned during the process. I wanted to write a fairy tale, and I did. And honestly, I am happy with P-FL. It's not my most popular fic, by any means, but it will always hold a special place in my heart.

My Home is Your Home: Ch1 (WiP)

And here we have a fic that was meant to be a one-shot. I was gonna try and get this done in under 10.5k for an event challenge, but then I talked with my roommate and... they looked at me like 'bitch who the fuck do you think you are' and you know what, they were right. I was foolin myself. This fic wasn't a one-shot. I'd come up with an idea for something much bigger than a one-shot, and I'm glad I listened to them. So instead of an event challenge, I reworked everything and turned this into a fic for the @puregaalee Horror Fest, and I am sooooo excited that I did. Paranormal Romance isn't a genre I've dabbled in, and I'm stoked to try weaving the horror genre with RomCom elements. This fic not only ended up being a much bigger piece than I'd intended, but it also has a planned sequel! Because I wouldn't be me if I didn't add more WiPs to my docket than I subtract.

Blood on the Branches: Ch1 (WiP)

Talk about a fic that was pulled out of my ass at THEE last minute. For Horror Fest, I was struggling to come up with an idea. I knew what prompts I was vibin with, but damn I couldn't think of a single thing. And then one night, laying in bed I came up with an idea.... An entirely different idea from this because with only days left to finish, I scrapped everything I had (and by scrapped, I mean moved to a different document) and came up with something completely new! And so instead of straight horror, I leaned into what I'm good at and now I have a horror/adventure story! While the original concept for this fic is good, I am way more excited about this! Once again, taking my worldbuilding to new heights as we leave Suna and head to the south of Wind! I don't know exactly when I'll be able to get the next chapter out, and I really need to sit down and plot this in full, but I am so excited to write this story!

The Corn Maze House (COMPLETE)

Well, it was a bit of a slog towards the mid-point, but I got through it. I honestly worried I wouldn't, but in the end I'm really glad I didn't give up or give in to feeling negatively about the writing process for this piece. I'm not fully happy with it, but I am happy it's done. The premise for this fic, in my entirely unbiased opinion, is very good, even if I'm still not sure of the execution. I may end up going back over this fic in the future, but regardless I'm happy to have a completed horror fic under my belt, and also to not be adding another WiP to my roster. Definitely very light on the GaaLee, despite being an established relationship, but that was kind of how it had to be, so I'm sure this won't be like a crazy popular fic, necessarily. But I still think this was good practice with the horror genre.

Return to Sender: Ch1-11 (COMPLETE)

Talk about a fic I never expected. RtS was meant to be a simple, cute lil RomCom. A dash of miscommunication, a whole lot of comedy of errors, and just a smidge of drama... The ask prompt that started this definitely did not make any indication that I needed to write a 90k+ drama about homophobia in the shinobi world or about the mistakes you make when you're terrified of losing someone important to you. But I simply am the person I am, and I am the writer I am. This was the direction that felt right, and honestly, I'm so glad because I am so happy with how this story turned out and the reception this fic has received is truly astronomical. I dove into it following completing chapter 1 of PomSun and in between working on P-FL because P-FL was the struggle it was. RtS gave me a much needed break and the first three and a half chapters were such a breath of fresh air. When I say those first three chapters were a breeze to write, I mean I think it took me less than a week to write them. This was (sort of) the first time in over a decade I've had a fully completed multi-chapter fic that I can post on a schedule, and GOD it felt so good to just post chapters weekly. RtS Sundays were the highlight of my week, and even though towards the end there were a lot of complications, it was truly such a joy and has made me want to work harder to get fics done before posting. Also! Not only did I have a ball writing this fic, but I also had a lot of fun making the images that I included in it and the soundtrack to go with it. While some of the images are... less exciting than others, this fic just felt like the perfect opportunity to do some mixed media stuff, and I do really enjoy making soundtracks for fics. I have to say, though I love so many of my fics, RtS will now have a very special place in my heart. The reception, surpassing 1million with it, and just the way it all fell into place... I am truly so filled with joy by how this fic went.

---

Total WiPs at the start of 2022: 16 Total completed works: 4 Total new works: 5 Total updates: 21 Total new words: 186,296 Total words (Ao3): 1,011,369 (-2,521 PomSun = 1,008,848) Total WiPs at the end of 2022: 17

---

2022 Resolutions

The difference between this year's writing and last year's is kinda wild ngl. All that time on medical leave and not sewing really gave me a lot of time to write, (though I do wish I'd been healthy enough to sew more). Looking back at my writing resolutions from the start of the year to now, I can definitely say I'm proud of what I've accomplished, even if it seems like I didn't reach that many resolutions. The two biggest resolutions (1million words and finishing P-FL) were reached, and honestly hitting those two goals was the greatest accomplishment of the year.

So, while most of what I'd had planned for this year was updating fics from last year's Naruto-Run to 1K which didn't happen, I still think this year was a success!

Reach 1million words--168,358 words to go!✅So, the math I did at the end of last year for how many words I needed was actually wrong. I needed closer to 178k, but despite this minor math mishap, I not only reached 1 million words, I surpassed it! I have been trying to hit this overall word count for the past three or so years, and I am utterly shocked, amazed, and proud of myself for making it happen this year! Admittedly, I think this goal was reached because I ended up getting long covid and have spent June through the end of the year out of work and home. Still, this is by no means a small feat, especially given the number of words I needed to reach this year while also being disabled by covid. Long haul is no joke and the brain fog--ohhhh lemme tell you! that shit got me so fucked up, so managing to power through and find joy in writing in spite of that struggle was really important. Writing was one of the few real joys I had in my days these past months, and I could not be more thrilled to finally say I've surpassed 1 million words. Truly, I owe most of that to RtS, the most unexpected fic of 2022.

Write the sequel to Flyweight Love❌Not Reached. Part of me was sure I'd get this done at the end of the year, following Horror Fest, but RtS became priority #1 instead, so HB3 will be on the docket for next year!

Finish IEYH❌Not Reached. While I didn't reach this goal, I did manage to update this fic, finally. Chapter two was a difficult journey and actually caused a lot of writer's block for me between the end of last year-early this year, so while I didn't finish this fic I did still make progress and for that I am very happy. My hope is to accomplish this goal in the new year now!

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs✅REACHED! This is a pretty big one because it's been hanging over me for... long time. Three years, in fact. But I signed up for the WiP Big Bang and managed to actually get all four chapters written, edited, and published! It always feels like such a relief to be able to cross something completely off my list, but especially something that's been weighing on me the way P-FL was. In many ways, I wasn't happy with the journey, but I am happy with the end of it. I think P-FL is a lot better than I give it credit for, so I am really proud of it and proud that I got this finished.

Finish The Passing of Things❌Not Reached. I was actually really hoping to get this done, so I'm going to make this a goal for next year!

Update Absolution (Ch 4-6)✅❌❌Partially fulfilled. While I did not get three updates in for Absolution, I still got one so that's a partial win for me!

Update TAoL (Ch12)❌Not Reached. Sadly, this update was not in the cards for me this year, which is truly a tragedy for me because it's been two years since the last time I updated. But unfortunately, this next chapter has a lot of issues that need fixing, so getting through has not been easy. However, it is a top priority in the new year!

Update TBotDatP aka the Ballad❌Not Reached. Another fic I was hoping to update, but alas, not this year. But the first chapter is very much underway, so with any luck, I'll be getting a Ballad update out in short order!

Update WNNBYT aka the Hanahaki fic❌Not Reached. While this is a fic I'm excited to work on, it has lost priority in favor of other fics. Maybe next year, but I don't want to make it a resolution since I have fics I'd rather focus on over this.

Update Pomegranate Sun (Ch1)✅ Reached! Amazingly, I was able to get chapter one of this fic out, though it did take a while. However, I'm very proud of how that first chapter turned out and excited to continue this fic with @ghoste-catte in the new year!

Update 13S❌Not Reached. I did get a good chunk of the next update for this worked on, but tragically the amount of worldbuilding needed for this chapter put a wrench in my plans to move forward. However, the worldbuilding has been done in large part, so I am looking forward to getting this fic updated next year!

Edit Alliance❌Not reached. In general, Allied Nations has not been on my mind or at the top of my list. I think, more than likely it won't be until I get TAoL finished, as that's a similarly huge project, even as a stand alone story.

Update Honor Bound❌Not reached. Similar to the above. And while I do have the first three chapters written, I don't want to dive into posting any more chapters of this fic until I've edited Alliance and made the changes to it I know are needed.

Resolutions Reached✅: 3.5 Resolutions Not Reached❌: 9.5

---

2023 Resolutions

With 2022 at an end and a lot more writing done than I expected, I'm hoping to carry that energy into 2023, regardless of other things. I do hope to move to Ireland and get back into sewing regularly, but as my health has changed much of my life, I'm also anticipating more time at home as I shift into working from home. So with that, I hope I also find more time and energy to focus on writing.

This is a lot, and I do not expect to get all of this done, but the goal is to get as much of it done as I can. I have a lot of motivation, so here's to a successful writing year in 2023!

Complete IEYH

Complete Absolution

Complete MHiYH

Complete TPoT

Update 13S (3-6)

Update TAoL (12-15)

Update PomSun (Ch3)

Update TBotDatP aka The Ballad (Ch-4)

Update TEA (Ch1)

Update TCoS (Ch1)

Update BotB (Ch2)

Publish the sequel to Flyweight Love, HB3

Publish The Beautiful Beast of Cāngdì (Ch1)

Publish A Cat's Guide to Finding Love

Complete at least three more MFBingo squares

[dufrau]

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now! - for Red & White & Blue & Gold and/or for Entirely On Purpose

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Oh boy, thanks for the questions!

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics? Banter, I think, is the most consistent thing? They really do be flirting, even when they don't know it yet. And just, i tend to write them coming from a place of... established feelings? Like they're usually past the italicized Oh and are on the Now What Do We Do About It phase? 5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now! - for Red & White & Blue & Gold and/or for Entirely On Purpose Honestly what I always want to talk about is the most boring thing which is just the actual writing. I started Entirely on Purpose first, wrote the whole first chapter of it then got stressed out at the prospect of writing the sex scene at the end of the story so I decided to do something completely different and started Red&White, which I wrote in 4 days, easy peasy. It was so much fun to write something so light and fluffy. And then I went back to Entirely on Purpose and wrote the second chapter, then I got stressed out again about the sex scene and wrote I Wish I Was The Moon, which is oddly enough I think the horniest thing i've ever written despite it not being especially explicit, maybe i needed the warmup haha. But after THAT I finally buckled down and finished Entirely on Purpose, and the thing that unlocked that finally was the "Where is the line?" part, because then they go back and look at the evidence and it calls back to the first couple chapters which sort of justifies it being multichapter. I guess also I do just want to brag because while the actual like one paragraph of sex scene in that story stresses me out, I think the disarmament-as-foreplay section is actually so sexy and good and im very proud of it! 41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.” They Take Their Shots But We're Bulletprood by nighshifted https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553109 It's a perfect one shot. I like one shots. I like self contained, beautiful little objects. The pacing in this is so good. Im in awe of long chaptered fics that actually hold together cohesively and get to the finish line, but I don't really see myself ever writing in that format? One shots are just so structurally pleasing to me. 45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic? I don't know if I've improved on anything tbh. It takes me longer and longer to write every time. I have no idea what I'm doing and i hate it! I guess I'll say the first fic I posted, Exile, wasn't really a story at all, it was just a scene that probably would have been awesome if it were like chapter 10 of a longer story. Ive gotten better about writing an arc, if not an actual plot, at least? I hope?

[sweetlittlegingy]

I posted 891 times in 2022

That's 319 more posts than 2021!

221 posts created (25%)

670 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@topguncortez

@sweetlittlegingy

@bradleybeachbabe

@sunlightmurdock

@unicornships

I tagged 529 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#jake seresin - 178 posts

#jake hangman seresin - 160 posts

#top gun maverick - 108 posts

#top gun: maverick - 103 posts

#better man universe - 101 posts

#gingy writes - 83 posts

#top gun - 83 posts

#gingy answers - 72 posts

#jake seresin x reader - 64 posts

#glen powell - 60 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#i want you all to know the hot and heavy make out scene will be living rent free and taking up my entire brain

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can't Breath Whenever You're Gone

✦ Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Better Man Universe

✦Pairing: Father Figure Jake x Single!Mom

✦Word Count: 5.2 k

✦Warnings: Ansty, Fluff, slight smut (Jake calls himself daddy once), pregnancy, deployment, sad Maty

✦A/n: I have tried to post this like 8 times, it better work. I'm sorry for the wait guys, I hope you like it! Lots of love - G

✦Library (Follow for updates! I no longer have a taglist.)

The low ache in your back had become a constant; leaning down to pick up the second batch of laundry, the six-month belly just out of the way. Rising back up, one arm carrying the laundry, the other caressing your more than noticeable bump.

You feel a sharp kick, pressing your palm back into the spot, you can feel Little Miss move, pressing farther into your hand. A laugh falls from your lips, she wasn’t even here yet and she was stubborn just like her father.

The pregnancy came as a surprise, though you weren’t trying to avoid pregnancy, it still was a shock when you found out. The four pregnancy tests you’d taken, after being nauseous every morning for a week, proved that your family was about to grow by one.

The shock of it all, couldn’t stop the nerves from kicking in.

Your pregnancy with Mathew hadn’t been easy. Your nausea lasting the whole 40 weeks, making it hard for you to maintain a healthy weight. You ended up getting weekly IVs from the hospital and being up on two different nausea medications.

In the first trimester, this time nausea hit you hard and at all times of the day, the bathroom had become a second home, and Jake could barely handle it. Constantly at your side, holding your hair or rubbing your back. Mathew had been ecstatic when he found out, though the now six-and-a-half-year-old, had a hard time seeing you so sick.

Even having a conversation with your belly, telling the baby that they needed to be nice to you.

That was before you found out that you were having a girl, and thankfully the nausea had calmed after your fourteen-week mark, making your days actually enjoyable.

 You’d been able to find out the sex of your baby just before Jake deployed when you were twenty weeks, and you’d both been thankful he could be with you in person to hear.

He’d been overjoyed when you the doctor told you. The smile never left his face on the drive home. Telling you, now that you had one of each, the next one could be a surprise.

You’d smacked him and told him, you wanted to get through this one before even thinking about another. Jake had only given you a teasing smile and kissed your hand, resting it in his lap for the drive home.

That was a month ago now, and all three of you were missing him terribly. Right after you’d found out you were pregnant; Jake had taken to talking to your stomach nightly. You’d told him that the peanut was too small, but he hadn’t cared. Holding nightly conversations with them, ranging from stories about flying, to what had happened during his day.

You’re sure that Little Miss had gotten used to her daddy’s voice, because now without his nightly talks, she has taken to becoming very active during the night. Mathew was having quite the time with Jake being gone as well. The first week he had cried every night and though his tears had slowed, the month had been wearing on the little guy.

Thankfully school kept his mind busy during the day, and Lacey had promised to call if he got upset during the day.  Summer vacation was just around the corner for Maty and though he loved second grade, he was so excited about the year ahead. He was going full-time on base and Auntie Lacey, Bob’s wife, would be his teacher for third grade.

You were thankful for the relationship the two of you had developed over the last 2 years, she’d become one of your closest friends and was always there to help with Mathew.

When she found out that you were expecting and that the boys were getting deployed, she took up a permeant residence in your home. Taking over pick up and drop off completely, saying that your house was on her way to school anyway.

Your house was in fact a good bit out of her way, but you weren’t about to argue with the woman. Bob might have been quiet and shy in public, but his sweet, loving teacher of a wife, was anything but.

Lacey, like her third graders, was an endless ball of energy. She was the most positive person you’d ever met and extremely organized. But when she decided that something was going to happen, then it was happening. Her stubbornness rivaled that of Jakes. A fact that had you cackling, when the two of them bickered.

Placing the laundry away, you head back into the kitchen, looking for something to snack on before you start on dinner. Music streams out of the speaker on the counter, a playlist that you’d made after Jake threw you into the world that is 90’s country, on a trip to Texas. You’d fallen in love with the music, on a night out and always listened to it when Jake was gone.

You hum along to the beat of Brooks and Dunn, swaying your hips along to the music, hand resting on your bump. Little Miss takes to rolling around, clearly enjoying the music.

“You like that one sweetpea?” The song changes and she rolls again. “Your daddy’s gonna be pleased with your taste in music.”

You grab the strawberries out of the fridge, singing along to the music. Your mind wandering, sure that Jake and your little girl would have the exact relationship stated in the song.

“When she was three years old on her daddy's knee, he said you can be anything you want to be. She's a wild one, runnin' free.—”

See the full post

1,312 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#4

Better Man Universe Masterlist

✦Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Single!Mother, Dad!Jake x Y/n Son (Father/Son Relationship)

★ Fluff ❊ Angst ✓ Smut

✦A/n: Requests are open, for this universe. As well as TopGun fandom and Outer Range Fandom

Better Man Song Rec Playlist

Spotify Playlist Masterlist

Everything You May Need To Know

Epiphany ★✓

You Can Call Me Babe For The Weekend ★❊✓

I Don't Need Your Closure ★❊✓

Better Man ★❊

I Don’t Start Shit, But I Can Tell You How It Ends ★❊

Just Come Home ★❊

The Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine ★

Autumn Leaves and Pumpkin, Please? ★

Can't Breath Whenever You're Gone ★❊✓

Tis' The Damn Season ★

I Couldn't Ask For Anything Better ★❊✓

Something That Will Haunt Me When You're Not Around ❊

SNAPCHAT SERIES

Part 1

Group chat:

Wrong Chat

Brownie Fiasco

Tis’ The Damn Season

Baby Daddy

Instagram:

Meet Josephine

Jacob Grant Seresin *que swoon*

See the full post

1,451 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

#3

Better Man

✦Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Better Man Universe

✦Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Single!Mother

✦Word Count: 6.7K

✦Warnings: Fluff, Angst, mentions of SA (previous relationship), self-hate, shitty schools, bullying, possible thoughts of suicide (on explicitly stated). Please let me know if I missed something.

✦A/n: Repost, the original is no longer showing up for me. I’m not sure what happened, if your seeing double I apologize.

✦Library (Follow for updates! I no longer have a taglist.)

The incessant buzzing coming from your pocket continues, as you listen to Admiral Simpson and Admiral Bates go over mission plans. Attentively listening and marking down any changes that need to be made to the paperwork.

As the admirals Administrative Service Manager, you held the responsibility of keeping all things “Top Gun” in order: including incoming pilots, flight schedules, and the newly permanent Dagger Squadron.

You subduedly shift silencing the buzzing, again focusing on Cyclone and Warlock.

“I want a new set of recruits coming in, with Maverick training them.” Cyclone gives you a pointed look. “I want him to be on board by the end of the week. You both, can go over applicates and find those best fitted.”

You silently nodded, jotting down that you need to draft a letter for Mav and get it to him before Wednesday. 

 “With the success of the Uranium Mission, DC is going to want to see what else the Dagger Squadron can do. I want them flying new drills and layouts every day. Draft up a few different sets of flight plans, get them on my desk by Wednesday morning.”

“Of course, sir. Two days will be more than enough time to draft up three or four, and I will have a handful more done by next Monday.” You trail off as your phone starts buzzing again.

Pausing to grab it while Cyclone and Warlock keep chatting, you realize that it’s Mathews school calling. Raising your hand in a silent gesture, you glance up and ask if you can be excused for a moment. To which Cyclone nods, signaling to the hallway.

Rising up, you not so slowly, make your way to the door and press answer. Miss Clarks voice rings through your phone, telling you once again that Mathew has been called to the office.

“Miss Benjamin, you need to come in. Principle Davis wants to talk to you immediately. Mathew is fine, though he has been placed in the corner and will not be allowed recess time.” She mutters harshly.

You slowly shake your head and lean up against the wall, “What happened?” you question. Waiting for a response that doesn’t come. “I know that Mathew is not the only child at fault here. So, I’m going to ask again, what happened?”

You know that your sweet Mathew would never hurt someone without probably cause, and even then, it’s unlikely. Though this is the first call you’ve received from the school, you’ve been in three other times for words with the principal. Discussing another upper-class student that had been picking on Mathew.

The same excuse being thrown in your face that, none of the teachers saw the bullying and that Mathew was lying. Though the last time, Mathew told you that the other boy had pushed him and scrapped his knees. Markings on his knees, you saw during bath time, that night confirmed that he had been pushed.

Each visit you had, the school ignored you and claimed you to be an overprotective mother.

“Mathew hit another boy, Miss Benjamin.”

The statement shocks you at first, but then you question why Mathew hit him.

“Well Mathew says that he was hit first, but no one saw it.”

“You’re telling me, that my son was hit, then defended himself, and you didn’t think to lead the conversation with that information.”

Pushing off the wall you start to make your way to your office. “I will be there in 20 minutes.” Grabbing your purse, leaving the paperwork knowing that you will be coming back to the office enviably.

“Also, Miss Clark,” your voice steadily rises. “Get my child out of the damn corner.” You all but yell before hanging up on the woman.

Stepping out of your office and running into Lt. Bradshaw, you bounce off him. He grabs your arms steadying you, as you apologize.

 “You okay there, Y/N” He questions quickly realizing how stressed you are.

You can feel the frustration seeping from your bones, tears lining your eyes. Working to steady your breathing, in any possible way to avoid crying.

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1,553 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

#2

I Don't Start Shit, But I Can Tell You How It Ends

✦ Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Better Man Universe

✦Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Single!Mother, Dagger Squad vs. Davis

✦Word Count: 2.8 K

✦Warnings: Protective!Hangman, Angry!Hangman, Protective!Dagger Squad, Asshole Guy, Failed Drugging, Jake hints at killing people...

✦A/n: The Dagger Squad finally gets ahold of Mathew's old Principle. They really hate the man, we all do tbh! Day 2 of 500 celebration!!!!

✦Library (Follow for updates! I no longer have a taglist.)

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1,616 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You Can Call Me Babe For The Weekend

✦ Previous Chapter | Next Chapter |Better Man Universe

✦Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Single!Mother

✦Word Count: 15.4K

✦Warnings: Fluff, slight smut angst, mentions of abuse (previous relationship), self-hate, protective brother Bradley (let me know if I missed anything.)

✦A/n: This is out two days later than I planned, but you asked for a long part. So, here it is! I'm pretty proud of this one, it was definitely writing from the heart. Much Love - G

✦Library (Follow for updates! I no longer have a taglist.)

You were ecstatic that the work week was over, you were even more pleased that you had gotten off work early. You had finalized all the flight planes for next week and had already started prep for recruitments. You’d only been back on the North Island for 4 months, but time had flown. You had gotten into a comfortable rhyme, working under Cyclone and Warlock, even forming a “friendship.”

You and Warlock got along great, and you considered him a good friend, though you and Cyclone still had your moments in which you completely disagreed with each other. Most the time it was a contest between the two of you, to see which of you would break first.

For the most part, your work life at Top Gun couldn’t have been better. You had also heard from your father that Commander Kazansky was pleased with your work, and how quickly you had the office back up to naval standards.

Your life outside of Top Gun, well just outside of the office, was great as well. Bradley had introduced you to some of the other pilots, who welcomed you into the small group with open arms. You had even created a pretty strong bond with one of Bradley least favorite people, Lt. Jake “Hangman” Seresin.

Bradley had a talk with each of you when he learned that you had been hanging out in the beginning. Bradley had made the point that he didn’t fully trust Jake, and thought that it would be better if you avoided him. He was convinced that Jake was going to hurt you, even more than you already were.

You had told Bradley that you were in fact a big girl, who could take care of herself and that you didn’t think Jake was like that. You also promised Bradley, that as of right now, you had no intention of getting in a relationship, and that Jake was just a good friend.

That was 3 months ago and though Bradley had let up a little bit, he was still holding strong on his big brother position. Ready to defend and protect you at all costs. It was honestly hilarious how serious he took it. Though you were extremely thankful in knowing that he would always be there if you needed him.

You knew that the group usually got together at the Hard Deck for drinks every Friday and you, luckily, were going to be able to go as well. Your parents had offered to watch Mathew over the weekend, claiming that they hadn’t seen him in forever.

They had just seen him on the prior weekend, when you all got together for Amelia’s birthday, but who were you to deny them of the little munchkin. Mathew was already 2 and a half, quickly changing from your baby into a little boy, and they wanted to get as much love in before he got too active for them to handle.

You hadn’t told Bradley or Jake that you would be coming out, just in case plans changed, and you didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Pulling up to your parents’ house you went to get a sleeping Mathew from his car seat, the drive wasn’t long from base only 30 minutes, but he was due for a nap, and he’d been teething morals. Meaning he hadn’t been sleeping well and was grumpy all the time, the extra sleep time was greatly welcomed.

Situating Mathew on your hip, you grab his bag from the passenger seat, and he wakes slightly. He wraps his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck and falls back to sleep, just as your mother comes out to meet you.

“Hello sweetheart, let me take that for you.” She takes Mathew’s bag and goes to give him a kiss on the head. “Has he been asleep long? Your father is just in the kitchen, he’s so excited to have him all weekend. Got’s all sorts of plans.” She gives you a teasing smile, poking fun at your father.

“He fell asleep on the drive and daddy just loves his grandbabies. Don’t make fun of the poor man, he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he’s retired.”

When your father found you were moving back, he decided that needed to retire. Claiming that he needed to be able to help you with Mathew. He most defiantly didn’t expect all the open time he had, which led to him doing all sorts of home improvement projects. The newest being, the sandpit and playset in the back yard.

He claimed that the kids needed it. Though Amelia was ten now, and claimed it was for babies. While Mathew was still too small to play on anything, fully by himself.

You were thankful that your parents were so involved in Mathew’s life and wouldn’t complain at their antics.

“Honey, Y/n is here, and you need to turn down the TV. Maty is sleeping and I don’t want that football game waking him, it’s a rerun anyway.”

Rounding the corner, you see your dad; he had been making lunch, though when he sees you, he quickly comes over to take Maty out of your hands. He gives you a quick kiss on the head and goes to lay Mathew down in the play pen that they kept.

“Thank you so much for watching him, Mom. It really means the world and if you need anything just call.”

She gives you a nod, while putting the bag away and unpacking the frozen snacks you had brought.

“Sweetie, you seem to forget we raised you and Penny, both troublemakers.” Your dad lets out a chuckle and starts on lunch again.

“Me and your mom have everything that Maty could need, I even got teething gel today. Now you get out of here, you’re making me miss the game.”

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1,705 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nicegaai]

sorry i want to ramble about fan fiction and i dont want to bothr people in dms

ok chapter 8 is getting its third googledoc draft because part of me does want to do as much of this as possible before the end of the year, especially while i still have so much free time.

thank you to past me for writing up the scene by scene breakdown. that DOES make this much easier to continue on. HOWEVER. why did i leave so much open ended. thats making this much harder. like

everything was left like this. and then when i add dialogue it changes the course of the scene pretty dramatically. ive spent like an hour today trying to iron out one scene i thought i had THE MOST polished up already. like. Carsex Scene was supposed to be my ease-in easy bit. HOW DO WRITERS DO THIS? im NOT cut out for this kind of work.

well this past year has given me a lot of respect for people who can write. ahhhhh

oh yeah also i cant find the whole first scene for this chapter. i wrote it a while ago and i have NO idea what happened to it. fml i guess

i think if i started rambling on about the plot it might get me into Real Writing Mode but im struggling to do this. thats what im trying to accomplish here with this textpost but it isnt workign yet HELP

ok no i can do this.

first scene i have dennor being cute togehter. unfortunately i havent figured out the whole second half of the scene. my notes are like "they talk about their relationship" and like ok i know this is necessary and ive been putting off them doing this for like 4 chapters but i dont know what to do with that. they should have a talk about the state of their relationship but i have discarded drafts of like mads confessing his love to sig which is no longer canon. i had a version where there was a subplot about them breaking up. now i just want them to have the polyamory talk, bcz someone has to and im not making sufin do it. but tbh i could leave it implied. and just put that off until the fic is over bc i dont care I JUST DONT CARE i dont feel like it

next was more sufin moments i think given some time i could make this bit really good. i love sufin. i love them being together this part is fine actually i just need to start it and the inspiration will come

next umm lets see. OH ACTUALLY this one is funny. im really into this scene even though i can sense it getting really really long. whenever i get into fleshing this scene out im goign to enjoy it. its denice and dennor having awkward boyfriend-sharing interactions. and nor is like sooo how are those wet dreams going lol and ice is like . well youre definitely not in them lol uhhhhhhh. jk he doesnt say this but he thinks it. his life is so hard u guize

the next bit .................. im trying to shoehorn in some norfin. im trying to set up that they should be besties and hang out more. because its true and right. unfortunately this "scene" is 2 lines long bc i wasnt sure what to do with it. could i drop it? yes. but for plot reasons I DONT WANT TOOOO. but what is the scene about? nothing, but i gotta fit in 2 important plot points and so i shall. maybe they will even do a sex. WHO KNOWS! NOT ME

next bit is another one that could get real long if i let it. i love the densu nation and i need their crumbs. i need them to hang out. IS IT PLOT IMPORTANT? maybe not. but TO ME i think it is CHARACTER IMPORTANT. theres some foreshadowing. actually maybe 2 layers of foreshadowing that begin here. and also they are playing videos game and being children about it and i love them

next bittttttttt emil feels like a fifth wheel and gets in his emotions about it :( this scene im feeling ok about even though its vague so far. its a good starting point. i can do something with this

next bit UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH AUUUUUUUUGHHHHH i dotn want to write this one. hm. actually i didnt realize i felt that strongly about this scene. i dont know if its because it sucks narratively, or its just not fun enough... writing emil at school with his friends is just not fun for me in general. i love hk and liech but this is just not my thinggg. it doesnt help that i ended the scene with saying "ughh something happens and plans fall through and i dont know how lol" like what am i supposed to do with that. but i think this scene will end up being important. a whole sideplot rides on this. if i deleted it, it might get confusing at the end. maybe i can just simplify it? eventually. maybe ill cut it out in the end anyway.

oh and then the last scene is the carsex scene. epicballs, i skipped ahead and im working on this first.

ew actually now that ive typed this all up, it sounds like a hell of a lot of work. what am i doingggg. im such a slow writer T_T what AM i doing

step 1 i need to stop editing as i go and just slam down some vibes in the goog doc. i got good at this for a while but ive lost that mojo. i need to revive her *looks at time* maybe tomorrow or something. or for a couple hours >_> if im very good at time management tonight

if anyone is reading this hi

[fictionfixations]

uhh writing deadline

so uh. ive given myself a deadline to post at least something on my ao3 every week (Even discontinued WIPs count since its posting a chapter to my discontinued wip collection thing) uhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah so ive been doing that for a long while

uhhhhhhhh.. yknow im pretty sure a lot of other writers take longer then me cause i mean they actually plan out storylines and write a LOT more than me LOL (my only minimum is to have at least like 1000 words) they also do like multi-chapter stories, which i do not, or at least not without running the risk of immediately discontinuing because my attention span will not last that long on a single idea (no like seriously first i pushed it on The Revolutionary Waltz chapter 1 because I was spending literally everyday on it because I had to because of school and there was an even shorter deadline so there goes that motivation, and THEN later ive been literally only working on this one other one shot that i started THIS week which I usually never finish things in the same week I start it, and holy SHIT i feel drained?? tf i do? anyway i have like half of it done so i just gotta figure out the hard part, how tf to make an ending for this because for once i planned it out-- except for the ending because that was hard FUCK me ???) its like for some genshin fic sob because i had a recent obsession with cyno (this is like the first time that happened i swear, i havent written any other genshin fics, this is my first time) ..but now i also have an interest in Heizou (Once upon a time I wanted to be a detective. solving mysteries is fun.), Kaeya.. hhhh.. khaenri'ah and i dont think i spelled that right but yknow.. ahaha i dont think ill write anything for them though? but like holy shit i really like cyno- theres also the doctor but 1. fuck him and 2. mans barely has a story besides what hes done to people also no i do not simp for them they look nice but like thats not it?? i dont get attracted to fictional characters (no besides the y/n situation, NO cause theres this actual BOOK I read in like first person and there was this scene that just had fuckin sexual tension and like holy SHIT- CAN YOU BLAME ME?? BRO THEY WERE ABOUT TO HAVE LIKE SEX-) kaeya is because i really like his story cyno is i dont know? idk man i find that hes a really interesting character pog heizou he is a detective. i wanted to be a detective once lmao but i dont consider everything, and id be too scared of getting caught and killed cause someone wants to cover their tracks and don't want me to get too close to figuring out the truth- idk man imma stick to reading and writing fanfiction

[spencersawkward]

*concussions and confessions//spencer reid*

summary: a near-death experience encourages Spencer to admit his feelings for his best friend, even at the risk of ruining their relationship.

pairing: Fem!Reader/Spencer

content warnings: oh boy there’s a lot. i’ll start with the nonsexual ones-- choking (again, not sexual), blunt force, violence, some angst. ok time for the fun ones-- unprotected penetrative sex, masturbation, sex dream, oral (male receiving), slight dirty talk, creampie. lmk if there are more that i missed! 

word count: 5.4k

A/N: hi omg so i actually combined two requests for this bc i loved the concepts and i didn't wanna do one and not the other. i hope i do both of these justice hehe thanks for sending them! also sorry if the unsub scene sucks-- i don’t usually write that way, so i tried my best. 

request(s): omg if you need ideas for baby spence can you do a one shot where he's the girls best friend (she's not in the bau) and they are in love but neither of them admit it and he is really hurt in a case or almost dies or something traumatic and only when he gets back they confess their love... and then have sex 😏 ive been thinking about this concept alot 😌

can’t stop thinking about baby spencer (like s2-s4) & his girl best friend losing their virginity to each other... can you write a one shot on this please?

masterlist

"when are you coming back?" you ask over the line. you're lying on your bed, legs in the air while you talk to your best friend. it's been a long day for you, but a longer day for him. it's always a longer day for him. 

"you know that I don't know the answer to that question." Spencer's voice is soft as he attempts to keep quiet. he's two hours ahead and, despite the fact that you're both night owls, the person he's rooming with tonight isn't. 

"I know, but there's this Korean film festival that starts tomorrow and I was hoping you would be here to translate for me." you examine your nails while you talk. Spencer lets out a disappointed sigh. 

it's only been a few days since he left, but it's been a week since you last saw him and it feels like a long time. whenever he's not at work, you two are joined at the hip. ever since you first met a few years back at a poetry convention in DC, it feels like he's the only person who understands you. which is weird, because you couldn't be more different as individuals. 

"you should bring one of your other friends." 

"bold of you to assume I have other friends." you joke. Spencer chuckles to himself and your heart flutters. you love his laugh more than anything in the world. 

"I thought that was just me." he says. 

"oh, it is just you," you reply flatly. "I was trying to make you feel better."

you can practically feel Spencer smiling through the phone. although you tease him pretty frequently, he's sometimes able to get in his own shots. it's what makes your friendship interesting.

"hey," you add before he can say anything more. "how's the case going?" 

Spence starts to detail the whole thing, and you listen intently, the timbre and smoothness of his voice comforting you as you slip beneath the covers of your bed. you like the way he enunciates his words, his strange manner of speaking, because it lulls you to sleep. 

you know he's talking about horrible things, but something about the sound comforts you deeply. when he's not around, you're wishing you had it bottled up. 

he lays out their profile as it stands, and you fall silent. it's getting pretty late and you have to be up early for work tomorrow, so it would be a good idea to get some real rest. plus, Spencer needs to sleep, too-- even though he probably won't. 

you remember times when he'd call you at three in the morning, his mind whirring as he played chess against himself and asked if you wanted to hang out so he could teach you how. you hate chess, but of course you said yes; you'd been head over heels with him since your first conversation.

eventually, you feel yourself start to drift off. you don't even really know what he's saying; all of it blends together until you're laying there, one cheek pressed to the pillow and the receiver against the other. 

"Y/N?" he says your name abruptly and your eyes, which have been slowly drawing shut this whole time, fly open. 

"yeah?" 

"go to bed."

"what? no, I'll wait until you're done." you shift. 

"I could hear your breathing change." 

"then why didn't you just hang up?" you giggle. he goes silent for a moment and you wonder if he cut out, but then he responds. 

"I wanted to say goodnight." 

it's like a cage of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach. you wrinkle your nose as you get nervous. god, you miss him. things would be so much better if he was back. not like he'd be in your bed even if he was, though.  

"then say goodnight." you prod. he lets out an awkward little sound. 

"now I can't because you made it weird." 

"how did I make it weird?" 

"I don't know, you just did." he's so clumsy, your face heats up. you want to keep talking like this until morning.

"goodnight, Spence," the words sound reluctant, but you try to cover it up by teasing him further. "see, was that so bad?" 

"oh my god, Y/N--" he tries to sound exasperated. 

"no goodnight back?" you raise an eyebrow even though he can't see you right now.  

a lengthy silence again. "goodnight."

"that's what I thought." before he can protest, you end the call, settle into the covers. moonlight beams on the walls of your apartment, and you start to think about your best friend. about all the nights spent curled up on his couch with two bowls of popcorn, his ramblings about how much he loves his job and him asking about yours. 

he's a great listener. every time you talk, he nods along like he's hanging off every word. it's nice to feel heard that way, to have someone care. and he's fun to hang out with, too. you've met his team before and they all talk about how hard it is to get him to go out, but they don't see the same side of him that you do. 

Spencer is nerdy and cute and kind and sensitive. he makes you feel special. he's everything that you've ever wanted in a person. but it's not like it would matter, anyway. he hasn't really shown interest in any girls-- much less you. even if he did, you're scared of ruining the friendship. 

the fallout of not having him around at all... it would destroy you. and something, even if it's torturous, is better than nothing. 

which is why, as you sit there and remember being around him, your fingertips creep below the comforter. a familiar routine, they move over your stomach, until they reach the waistband of your panties. for a moment, you hesitate. it's wrong. he's your best friend. but he doesn't need to know that this is how you handle the ache he puts between your legs. 

as your index finger slides down your slit, you feel the wetness already forming. Spencer's hands, his mouth. the thought of his lips pressed to yours while he fucks you, holding your body like it's delicate. 

you don't know exactly how it would feel because you've never had sex, but you want to find out with him. he's never done it, either. you don't care; all you need is to have him inside of you, to see how he looks when he's on the edge. 

your mind wanders to the image of him parting your legs and rolling his eyes into the back of his head. the sensation of him filling you up. falling apart. 

you slide a finger inside, gasping at the way your walls tighten and your imagination runs wild. that tongue, lapping and making you squirm, your fingers twisted in his soft hair. he's so sweet; his attentiveness would make your legs shake. you want to look into his eyes while he does it. 

you add a second finger, curl them and brush over the most sensitive part. the pressure of his hips grinding into yours. your body curves up at the way you start to finger yourself, the other hand stimulating your clit. it's almost overwhelming, the way his name tumbles from your lips over and over. 

you've never wanted someone so badly in your life; he belongs in your bloodstream. the sounds he would make in your ear before finally cumming and collapsing on top of you, spent. you want to tire him out and then do it all over again. 

you're greedy on the edge, indulging in every single image of him you can conjure up, every dirty thing you'd say. finally, you feel yourself fall, the orgasm intense as you bite back groans of pleasure and work through the high. it's amazing. 

you sit there, panting, feeling your heart beat in your chest. some things can't leave your head, they're so sinful. and the worst part is that you don't regret it in the slightest. 

...

Spencer can feel his pulse practically leaping against his throat as he makes his way through the empty warehouse. he should have waited for backup; he knows he should have, but it's too late now to go back and change things. 

he clutches his gun, pointing it in front of him while his eyes flicker wildly across the space. he's moving between enormous aisles stuffed with crates, not knowing who else is around. they said the unsub brought his newest victim here-- Spencer came first because was closest to the site-- but he hears nothing aside from the uneven rhythm of his own breath. 

every step is careful. he's thinking about how close the rest of the team must be. based on their distance from the station, they should arrive within six minutes-- but that doesn't account for the time it takes to put on their bulletproof vests, to get to their cars. 

truthfully, he doesn't know if he's going to have to do this on his own. and that scares him the most. 

there's no point in worrying. he swallows the lump in his throat and presses his back to one of the crates. there's a scraping noise a ways off that causes him to freeze. because of the echoes of the warehouse, the origin is indiscernible. he doesn't breathe, eyes darting between each of the openings into the aisle. 

after a minute of pure silence, he peels himself away and turns to head back out. 

and that's when the sound of wood cracking against bone startles him; he hears it before he feels it, but it's obvious when he crumples to the floor. like knife points pressing into his brain at all angles, the shooting agony in his skull. 

he starts to clutch at his head, only to be yanked off the ground by a meaty hand and thrown against the side of a crate. 

"fucking feds." the guy is enormous. gargantuan. he keeps his arm across Reid's throat, pressing down enough to restrict his airway. but Spencer can't even concentrate on the guy's face further than its rough outlines. his vision is going in and out, fuzzy at the edges from the blow to his head. 

he definitely has a concussion. 

"I..." he trails off. the huge FBI logo on his vest is a dead giveaway. 

"all alone?" the unsub has breath like rotten fish, spits each word into his face. "I won't even need my gun." 

Spencer's head lolls to the side and he catches sight of his own weapon lying helplessly a few feet away. there's no way he could get to it in time, even if he got out of this guy's chokehold. 

he tries to think of a way to talk himself out of this; after all, their profile said he'd be more susceptible to negotiation, but that's kind of hard to do with someone's forearm slammed against your trachea. he presses harder and Spencer sees stars. his glasses hang almost off the bridge of his nose, centimeters from falling to the floor. 

he starts to realize that he's going to die, defenseless and alone, in a warehouse. at the hands of a man who kills women because his Viagra doesn't work. but this doesn't incite the kind of panic Spencer always predicted he'd feel. the lack of oxygen in his brain causes him to go delirious. 

he misses home. his mom and his old house, even though things were hard. he misses Y/N, his team members. he wishes his team was here; he should have waited for them. he should have told Y/N how he feels. now she's never going to know. 

Reid is so out of it, he doesn't even notice the pressure being relieved from his throat until he collapses on the ground. the unsub falls, too, his cheek smashed by the force of the abandoned wooden plank. 

it's hard to tell what's happening until Reid lifts his head to see Morgan standing above him, preparing to handcuff the criminal.

"kid," Spencer never thought he'd be so glad to hear his voice. "what happened?"

...

you practically crash into Spencer's apartment the next evening, flinging your body through the front door with your spare key. 

"Spence?" you call out from the entryway. everything still looks the same, but when his colleague, Penelope, called you today to tell you that Reid had gotten a concussion after a run-in with an unsub, you rushed here as soon as you could. 

"in here." he calls from his bedroom. you don't hesitate, your feet carrying you there. you've been anxious all day; he didn't call last night or even text like usual. you were on the verge of panicking when Penelope called. 

of course, you knew that was the risk with Spencer. he knew the risk, too. his life would always be in the balance when it came to the cases, but he'd gone through so many at this point, you weren't thinking about it. if you did, you wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. 

when you walk in, the first thing you see is Spencer laying in bed in his silk pjs. there's a stack of unread books on his bedside table. his glasses sit on top. he's just laying there with his eyes closed. 

"oh my god." you mutter, dropping your bag on the floor and walking over. he opens his eyes with a slight smile. there's a purple bruise forming across his throat, light but definitely there.  

"hi." 

"what the fuck happened?" you ask the question you've been wondering the whole way here. 

"he hit me with a plank." Spencer explains, the phrase coming out like he's still confused about it. "I'm fine, just a mild concussion and a bruise because he choked me." 

you take a second to assess if he actually means that he's okay, or if he's trying not to worry you. he stares at your expression for a second. 

"Y/N, I'm really fine." 

"you don't look fine." you gesture to the fact that he's laying in bed. 

"my body is sore, but nothing's wrong with me. I just can't look at screens or read." this last part makes him much more melancholy, it seems. you reach down and ruffle his hair playfully. 

"sounds like a nightmare." 

"it is." he cracks up. 

"I'm glad you're okay." you sigh. your heart rate has slowed to a reasonable pace now that you know he's fine. Spencer gives a ghost of a smile, and when he pats the empty spot on the bed beside him, you kick off your shoes and climb over his body to sit down. "so... did you guys get him?" 

"the unsub?" he turns his head to look at you. something is in his eyes that you can't read. "yeah, he's in custody. we saved the girl he abducted, too." 

"well, aren't you a hero?" you grin, pinching his arm. 

"ow!" he flinches. "don't hurt the patient."

"oh, so now you're injured?" you giggle softly. his smile fades a bit, gaze trailing from your face to your legs. it isn't lustful or anything, more like he's taking in your existence. it still makes your heart flutter. 

"I wasn't really a hero, anyway," he sighs. "I got knocked down before I even found her." 

"oof." you wince. 

"yeah, it's sort of embarrassing. I went in by myself and--"

"you went by yourself?" you clarify, turning to face him. of course he did. 

"yeah." he avoids your gaze. 

"Spencer, I work in a stationery shop and I know you're supposed to wait for backup." you deadpan. he snorts, staring straight ahead at the wall. his hair is flat in the back from where he's been resting it against the headboard. 

"he would have hurt her if I had waited." he explains. your heart softens a bit at this. you know Spencer has a problem with saving people; sometimes he doesn't think things through. but you know that it's only because he cares. 

you smile gently, appreciating what a beautiful person he is. you don't understand how other people don't see him how you do. your hand reaches for his suddenly, and you find yourself snuggling into his shoulder. 

Spencer doesn't usually like touch, but he welcomes this, dropping his own head to rest on top of yours while you both stare at the wall. his silence feels heavy, more than it usually does, and you wonder what he's thinking. 

"I'm really glad you're okay, Spencer." your tone is low, like it's a secret. 

"you already said that." 

"shut up." 

"you care about me." he sing-songs with a smile, and you know he means it in a friendly way, but you don't care. it brings warmth to your cheeks. 

"whatever. you care about me, too." 

he lets out a slight chuckle. "when I started to black out, I thought of you." 

your heart leaps, even though the reason is pretty dark. "oh, yeah?"

"mhmm." he hums. 

"nobody's ever told me that they thought of me in their last moments of life before." you tease. there are so many things you'd like to say, but know you can't. he smells like himself and coffee beans, his skin warm beneath the silk of his pajamas. 

"I'd hope not."

"anything in particular?" you wonder aloud. 

"what?" you feel him tense beneath you, and that's how you know there's something he's not telling you. 

"were you thinking about anything in particular?" 

"someone's full of themselves." he jokes. you smack his arm.  

"humor me." more than anything, you want to hear his thoughts. you know you're reaching, but you don't care. 

"just..." he pauses, the next words coming out almost too quietly to hear. "things I never got to say to you." 

"like?" now you're intrigued. 

"no way." he laughs and you groan, turning and realizing that you've both sunk deeper onto the bed and are now practically lying down. 

"c'mon," you prod. you've flipped onto your side while you watch him, his eyes directed at the ceiling. "what if you'd actually died?" 

Spencer gives you a look, and you wish you could snap a picture of his face. the gentle features, the warmth in his eyes. he stares at you differently than before, and it makes your stomach flip again. "I, um." 

you start to trace your index absently down his forearm, where his sleeve has incidentally gotten rolled up. his skin is soft. you know that this isn't a friendly thing to do, but something inside you craves his touch right now. you almost lost him; you can't imagine how horrible that would be. 

"I wanted to say that I--" he gulps, muscles in his shoulder tight beneath your cheek. "well, I care about you, and I... I really love you." 

it's not the first time he's said it, obviously in a platonic sense. what affects you is that he's acting like it's a big deal. 

"I love you too, Spence." you smile softly. his chest rises and falls faster, his face tensed. 

"no, I mean--" he turns onto his side, using the action to distract from his own nervousness. he holds your gaze and you forget how to breathe as he speaks. every syllable is serious, but you note his fingers fidgeting at his side. "I'm in love with you." 

it's like all the air in the room has been sucked out. you swallow, unsure of how to react at first. you don't believe what you're hearing, simply because it doesn't make sense. you've been friends for a while, now, but Spencer has never made a move to ask you out or acted like he wanted anything more. 

your heart swells. 

"you're in love with me?" the words even feel surreal on your tongue. he takes it as rejection.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." Spencer rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, his expression turning to a cringe. he's about to sit up to hide the red in his cheeks, but you pull him back down by the shoulder. 

"not so fast, crazy boy." the corners of your mouth are turning up into a grin. you can't help it; every nerve in your body is alive. Spencer loves you. he feels the same way. 

when he sinks back down onto the mattress and sighs, preparing to say something that rescinds the statement to erase any awkwardness, you grab his face and turn it to yours. you don't kiss him, only force him to look. 

"I'm in love with you, too." 

his eyebrows fly up in surprise. "r-really?"

"yes." you nod. 

he takes a second to process this. you see about five different expressions pass over his face, each one reminding you of how earnest he is. and it's absolutely adorable. 

"well, that's good, isn't it?" he clarifies. you pretend to think on it. 

"I'd say so, yeah." 

he smiles. a genuine, rare one that makes your veins feel as if they're full of glitter. you're on Cloud 9. 

"can I kiss you?" you ask him quietly. he seems surprised at this, too, like he never thought you'd want that, but then nods eagerly. 

you close the gap between you on the bed, holding his jaw in one hand while the other rests on his forearm. your lips meet softly at first. he's cautious, scared of pushing you away. he hasn't kissed many people before. but he's good at it, letting you take the lead. 

there's no way to adequately describe kissing Spencer. every bone in your body turns to mush, immediately craving more contact. you slide your tongue across his full bottom lip, and he lets you in. his affection is the most loved you've ever felt. because sure, you haven't had sex, but you've kissed people before. 

never like this. 

one of his hands goes up to wrap around your forearm tenderly before he shifts to lie on his side. you wrap around each other, turning the kiss into a full-body embrace as you breathe in. you want more. your leg swings over his torso so you can pull yourself closer, and he groans into your mouth when your pelvis presses against his. 

the kiss gets more heated, his hands carefully but hungrily traveling down the curve of your waist. you flip so that you're straddling him without breaking any contact. 

you don't really think about the way your hips begin to rock against his, your pussy involuntarily working for friction. there are so many happy chemicals in your brain right now, you giggle against his mouth when his body bucks up into yours. he groans. 

"Y/N..." he breathes softly. his hands move from your waist to your thighs, afraid to dig his fingertips in. 

"what?" you sigh, licking over his bottom lip again. he moans at the way you keep grinding on his erection. 

"I wanna--" his eyelashes flutter when he gasps. "I wanna touch you." 

"do it." your palm is resting tenderly against his cheek. he responds by finally holding you down, sliding his body up a bit to grind against your center. you whine. "touch whatever you want, Spencer." 

his cock twitches in his pants and you push the hem of his shirt up while he uses one hand to massage your tits. the voracious, curious nature of his attention makes you sigh, touching his stomach. he feels perfect beneath you. 

soon you're grabbing at each other without any regard for grace. he's so horny, he's pawing at whatever he can while you do the same to him. the kissing gives way to straight panting while you look at each other. 

"can I suck your dick?" you whisper. Spencer's eyes widen. you've never seen him nod so fast. 

you press your mouth to his one more time before inching down his body, sucking on his clavicle, then his stomach. careful to avoid the purple marks on his neck. he watches you intently, memorizing the details of this moment for later. when you reach the waistband of his pants, you peek up. he strains against the material. 

your mouth drops open and you draw your tongue over the clothed bulge, maintaining eye contact. Spencer throws his head back. his voice is high. "oh my god, oh my god." 

you smirk, licking it again. he clenches his jaw. "I'm gonna c-cum if you don't--" he tries for words, but he's mewling and moving against your mouth. you pull at his pants, hooking your fingers in his boxers and bringing them down, too. 

Spencer bucks into the air when his cock hits his stomach. it's big, precum leaking helplessly out of the tip while he whines. you want him now. 

"wow." you smile. he stares at you, tensing his stomach as you wrap your hand around his length. he's trying to keep quiet, but as soon as you spit on it and start to pump him, his head falls back into the pillow. 

you draw your tongue up the underside, paying special attention to the veins, reveling in his reactions. he looks like he's ascending to heaven when you start to suck on the first couple inches.  

"o-oh, fuck..." he keeps moving his hips off the bed for more, so you sink down further onto him, hollowing your cheeks and moaning. "Y/N..." 

you groan in response, feeling yourself get wetter with every sound he makes. you can't believe this is happening, the way he threads his fingers loosely through your hair in an attempt to touch more of you.

he tries to keep his eyes open while you suck, but they squint with pleasure. he's a mess for you, shuddering gently when you take nearly all of him into your mouth. 

before he can cum, you pull your mouth off of him with a satisfying pop. Spencer moans. 

"was that okay?" you ask carefully. this is the extent of your sexual experience, and you want to do more with him, but you aren't sure how he feels. your best friend stares back at you like you've turned his world upside down. 

"y-yeah," he replies. his face is flushed. "definitely okay."

he's throbbing, occasionally twitching against his stomach as he waits for more stimulation. you eye him carefully. 

"what do you feel comfortable doing?" your voice is smooth. "we can stop now, if you'd like." 

"I--" he chokes on the word. "I don't wanna stop." 

"do you want to have sex?" you ask. Spencer bites his lip, whines. 

"mhmm." 

"I wanna do that, too," you breathe out, straightening up and pulling your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra, before getting to work on your shorts. you know you're practically dripping. he's been more vocal, but you feel like you're going to implode from the desire. "but I need to tell you something." 

"what?" he tugs your arm, coaxing you back to him and touching you greedily. you giggle as you kick your shorts and panties off somewhere in the room. both of you move like awkward teenagers. 

"I'm a virgin." you say. 

Spencer frowns. "really?" 

"yeah," you lick your lips. "so you need to be careful." 

"o-of course." he blushes, getting nervous again. "you know I'm a virgin too, right?"

"I know." you smile. he returns it sweetly, and the commotion of your bodies slows for a moment. you're so happy, you could cry. 

"what?" he breaks the comfortable silence. 

"I'm excited," you shrug. he's got his hands on your waist, rubbing his fingertips over your skin. then you remember something. "wait, are you allowed to have sex with your... injury?" 

"it's fine." he reaches up and kisses your throat with an urgency. 

"did the doctor say that?" your eyes roll while he sucks on your neck. he groans and pulls down on your waist so that your stomach presses against his cock. he ruts. 

"second opinion from me." he pants. you tap his cheek playfully, move up his body until your core brushes him. he whimpers when you reach between your bodies and grip his length in your hands. 

"you ready?" your voice is low. Spencer squeezes your thighs, eyes moving between your tits and your face. 

"yes." he sighs. you position it, slicking him in your pussy while he wraps an arm around your waist and moans for more. your chests are pressed together, looking into each other's eyes while you slide him into you. 

you have to go slow, the intrusion causing your jaw to drop. you don't breathe. he's got his eyes rolled into the back of his head.  

"Spencer." you whimper, dropping your head onto his chest when he's fully inside of you. his fingers rub patiently over your back. 

"are you okay?" his voice is laced with a moan, trying to resist thrusting. 

"yeah, just a second." you wiggle a little bit to test the boundaries. it hurts, but it also feels good. your clit is begging for more pressure, so you start to roll your hips. Reid moans loudly. 

"Y/N..." he whimpers. "don't stop." 

"you want more?" the need in his voice makes you hornier, and you increase the pace, despite the slight pain. you're so wet, he slides in and out without much effort. 

"so-- much more." he's gasping, hands on your thighs as he watches your naked body writhe on top of him. he's never been more aroused in his life, spurred on by your scent and form and the tightness that keeps clenching around his cock.

he understands why people love sex so much, now. he wants it every day, wants to fuck you in every position and pleasure you. the sounds you release in his ear, whines and praises, he would do anything for more. walk to the ends of the earth to feel you cum on his cock. 

his hand finds your ass, squeezes it. 

"this feel good, Spence? fucking your best friend?" you talk dirty and he twitches. you're always so sweet, the words coming out of your mouth for him are going to send the genius into a tailspin. 

"mhmm," he holds you down so that he can thrust up. speaking at all is a struggle with the way he's feeling. "perfect." 

you start to say something else, but he hits a certain angle and you let out a quiet yelp, hips jumping at the pleasure. "I'm gonna cum." 

Spencer gets a rush of relief because it's taking everything in him right now not to absolutely lose it inside your pussy. he's hanging on by a thread. "me, too." 

you use your position on top to stimulate yourself. both of you chase your orgasms roughly, the rhythm you created degenerating into clawing excitement. 

"cum inside me, Spencer." you beg him. it sounds like you would do anything to feel it, that sensation that you've never experience but have always imagined. and Spencer, his own head foggy with ecstasy, nods and opens his mouth to let out a loud groan. 

"Y/N, fuck fuck fuck-- I'm--" he shoots his load inside of you, rutting wildly and letting his head drop onto the pillow while he pants. you can feel it. strange, lovely jolts of his seed spreading. your hands, which have been resting on his shoulders, tighten and you reach your climax. you flutter around him, both of you still moving to ease the intensity of the high. 

it's remarkable. you're crying out, having the most mind-blowing orgasm of your life. you never thought your first time would be like this. but you're glad it is, muscles tightening and releasing with the mixture of emotions. 

you collapse fully, him still inside. 

neither of you speaks. his heartbeat thuds against your ear, and you hold onto him like letting go would be the end of the world. you can't believe you could have lost him. you don't want to think about it. 

"sorry I came so fast." Spencer apologizes breathlessly. you can feel his cum dripping down your entrance when he slides out. 

"I don't care." you mumble. both of you stay there for a while, his heartbeat changing to a pace that reminds you of genuine excitement. like a hummingbird. 

"we can try again, sometime." he offers. you lift your head to rest your chin on his chest. his skin is flushed, pupils dilated, hair messy. such a pretty boy. 

"we should try multiple times." 

he gives you a cheerful smile, and everything starts to fall into place. you took each other's virginity. "Y/N?" 

he likes to say your name, and you love to hear it. "yes?" 

"are we dating?" the bluntness of the question makes you giggle. you don't hesitate. 

"yeah." 

“good.”

taglist (lmk if you wanna be added/removed!): @reidsconverse @voidsfilm @xoxomgg​ 

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[techgoddessdeluxe18]

SidGeno Parent Trap AU!

Will someone please write this i stayed up till 1 aimlessly typing this, ive already fleshed it out for you pleaseee

So Sid and Geno played together as Rookies for the Penguins in the 2005-2009 seasons, lighting up the NHL world as they had done always, slowly finding love and happiness together (after the Me 3 years Super league convo, you saw how blushy Sid was), quietly getting married in an discreet court house somewhere in Pittsburgh, having blissfully unprotected sex before and after the 2009 Stanley Cup win, just happy and in love and their life and success was just beginning to blossom.

But Sid finds out that he’s been pregnant with twins for some time now, having been nearly 12 weeks pregnant already by the time the final round was played. Geno finds out that there are some legal issues from escaping the KHL in order to play for the Penguins, and so to settle some ruffled governmental feathers, it would be best if Geno went back to Russia to fulfill those duties. Sid is extremely worried about the awful timing of the pregnancy and the sheer amount of alcohol consumed during the Cup celebrations, and Geno is worried about Russia ever letting him out of the country, or worse; finding about his relationship with Sid.

They hole up in a remote corner of Canada for the off season, just trying to soak in the time they have together before Geno goes back to Russia. Days are spent going to doctors visits, holding hands as they walk around the lake, cuddling on the couch at night, Geno’s big hands rubbing Sid’s belly, little feet kicking as hard as they can, while Sid giggles and twists round to kiss Geno.

Sid safely delivers the babies, two identical adorable boys, who have thankfully have not had birth defects as Sid was fearing, and so the rest of the off season is spent trying to decide what to do, how they could go back to their respective corners of the world and try to raise their kids. They agree to split the kids, and keep silent on where they came from.

Geno returns to Russia with a little baby boy, who will mostly be taken care of by his mother and father. Sid does the same, heading back to Cole Harbor more often than he would during the season, always glued to his phone and even taking phone calls from his mother on game days.

So then the actual story goes, 16 year old Daniel Patrick Crosby and Dimitri Evgenevich Malkin meet at Worlds to play for their respective countries, and like a random dinner clash between Russia and Canada find Daniel and Dimitri really confused because they look exactly the same; dark curly hair, strong solid bodies, angular doe eyes. Their teammates chirp them, saying they wouldn’t know who was who if they switched sweaters before the tournament.

They meet up again after Russia wins, meeting in Daniel’s hotel room while his roommate is away. They’re like 

“oh when were you born? September 1st, 2009”.

 “Oh shit me too”. 

“ oh who’s your parents?” 

“Evgeni Malkin, big KHL superstar” 

“Sidney Crosby” because duh who doesn’t know the greatest player ever. 

Maybe they have a ripped picture like in the movie, like with Sid and Geno holding the Stanley Cup like they did in 2017. Daniel has Sid, and Dimitri has Geno, and they’re like “ yeah Dad never talked about who Papa was, but that he loved him, but they couldn’t be together”. So they whip out the picture halves, stashed in their wallets, and tada they fit. They’re twins!

Since the tournament for them is over, Russia with the gold and Canada with silver, they have a few days to themselves to watch the rest. On a midnight run to Tim Hortons, sharing a box of Timbits, they agree to swap places to meet each other’s dad, and then switch back during the Olympics, let say it’s somewhere in America, in a few months time. Daniel and Dimitri spend the next precious days coaching each other on how to be each other. Daniel is conveniently mostly conversational in Russian and can understand better than he speaks, but Dimitri is a quiet kid so it works out. Dimitri works hard to soften his Russian accent and worm eh into his normal syntax more. They get haircuts together, the barber laughing at these rambunctious twins and their beautiful curly hair, and they laugh at the ridiculous stripes they agree to shave onto the sides of their heads.

Before they separate at the airport, they exchange necklaces, a #45 from Daniel and a cross from Dimitri.

Dimitri flies back to Cole Harbor, and finds his dad waiting for him. He looks older than the picture he has, more lines on his face, Definetly shorter and grey-er hair, and sad eyes. If Sid notices his son hugging him tightly and for longer than he normally does, he doesn’t say anything. They chat through the drive home, to the lake house that Daniel told him about. Dimitri can only stare and try and absorb who this man was, the man who birthed him. Sid asks him if he’s ok as they eat dinner on the dock, bare feet dipping into the cold water. Dimitri can only mumble “you’re the best”, as he snuggles his head into his fathers chest. Sid can’t help but think that his son’s voice sounds different; the way he pronounced best sounded just like Geno.

Daniel manages to not say too much on the flight back to Russia, desperately trying to memorize more vocab and grammar before landing and being picked up by his grandparents. The cooing and lecturing is the same in either English or Russian, so he smiles and just lets it wash over him. He tentatively asks where his Papa is, and Grandmama Malkin says he’s probably wining and dining his latest girl. They go home and Daniel is stuffed full of food, everything Grandmama could have possibly made for his arrival. Geno comes home later that night, tired but eager to congratulate his son for winning Gold for Russia. He notices that his son perhaps looks a little different, ruffling the funny haircut that he had gotten, but more at the expression of awe on his face; a similar expression Sid had on his face when he told him he usually went out last before a game, many many years ago.

So yadada ya, they’re enjoying the time that they have with their respective dads, occasionally wringing out a small story or a sad look of their faces whenever they mention anything about each other. So the Olympics are rolling around, and they’re all going to be in one place (lets just say that Sid and Geno had never attempted to make contact whenever they played against each other, afraid that they might get caught) But Daniel has frantically been calling Dimitri over Geno’s new girl and how he might propose and would ruin their plan to get their parents back together.

Shenanigans during the Olympics, one groups disappearing before the other can see them, until Geno is in the elevator shmoozing his girl until he sees THE ASS tm across the room by the front desk. Sid turns around and just smiles sadly as the elevator door closes.

Then the scene where Sid is walking down the hall and Dimitri and Daniel open the doors at the same time and suddenly Sid is confronted with what he thinks is the son he hasn’t seen in 16 years. They pull him into a room, and explain the whole swicheroo, and Sid is mad because there’s nothing they can really do, he’s prepared to let Geno move on and do what’s he needs to, but resigns himself to being alone.

Then the pool scene, where Geno and his girl are lounging with his parents, and Sid walks his fine ass down the stairs and Geno falls in, scrapes up his nose a bit, Sid bandages him up a bit. Daniel and Dimitri reveal themselves to Geno.

Some time in between tournaments, with Russia and Canada on the rise to be competing for the Gold Final, Daniel and Dimitri bully their fathers into a family dinner at a nice restaurant. They cut a handsome swath at dinner, good looking men in good looking suits. Geno instinctually files in last, whether it being his remembered deal with Sid, or merely to ogle a bit as he pushes in Sid’s seat for dinner. For fun, after dinner, they find a nearly empty outdoor rink, equipped with rental skates. Daniel and Dimitri take off, chirping each other and racing and checking each other into the low boards enough for Dimitri to flip over and out of the rink, Daniel wheezing with laughter as Dimitri hefts himself back over. Sid and Geno skate around at a sedate pace, both having played a round that day and simply watching their sons fool around. They don’t say much. They can’t really. They can only quietly enjoy each others presence, wondering where had all the time gone, all the plans they had had.

The final round for Mens Ice Hockey has arrived, Russia vs Canada for Gold, and Daniel and Dimitri can only watch and wonder to see who will come out on top, and what will happen with their parents, watching as Geno checks Sid into the boards. Sid refuses to give up, and so Canada ends up winning the Gold. Like the 2014 picture where Geno and Sid hug after the game, what the camera doesn’t see but their sons see from behind the glass is the shaking hands of Geno and the single tear from Sid.

Like in the movie, before everyone hops onto their respective planes to their respective corners of the world, Sid and Geno make sure their sons aren’t faking this time, and that they go back to who they belong to. It’s how it has to be.

Cue the rain sequence, the sad music, the umbrellas.

Sid and Daniel return to Cole Harbor, still down pouring and quiet. They don’t say anything in the car ride back to the lake house. They finally arrive at home, and take some time to unpack and get comfortable. They silently look at each other, each longing for their other halves. Daniel had become so close to Dimitri, finding out who he was and planning the whole quest to meet their fathers. Sid just missed his husband, and playing against him after fighting so hard to play with him just made him wish for retirement sooner. They hug, and with Daniel under Sids arm, quietly wander down the bank of the hill towards the dock.

Although there seem to be two people already sitting there, with their feet in the water. Geno and Dimitri turn around, identical smug looks on their faces. Dimitri says, his accent hovering somewhere between the hard Russian accent and the rounded Canadian pronunciation, “hey Dad, did you know the Penguins still have those private jets?”

“Ye-yeah, they do bud”, Sid murmurs, still looking at the tall Russian slowly making his way towards him. Daniel duck out from under his arm to sit with his twin and watch the two goofballs that are their parents figure it out.

“I made mistake of not coming for you once, Sid. I’m not do that again, no matter how brave you are.” Geno says

“And I suppose you expect me to go weak at the knees and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically and say we’ll just figure this whole thing out, a bi-continental relationship with our sons being raised here and there, and you and I just picking up where we left off, and growing old together and… And, c’mon G, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?” Sid warbles, his tired eyes welling up with long withheld tears.

“Yes—to all, except you don’t have cry hysterically.” Geno murmurs, cupping Sid’s face and wiping a lone tear as it falls.

“Oh, yes I do—” Sid is cut off as he is kissed (AKA THE BEST KISS SCENE EVER, CUE THE MUSIC)

Daniel and Dimitri can only grin and fist bump as their parents finally kiss after 16 years apart. They put and end to it when Geno starts to dip Sid into a deeper, more lurid kiss and some major groping, and they push both of them into the water.

During the epilogue with This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole, scenes flash by of Geno and Sid holding hands in front of a press conference, their sons standing by their sides, as they announce their retirements from both the NHL and KHL after 20 years, and their relationship and their sons to the hockey community.

Another scene where Daniel and Dimitri attention Shattuck St. Mary’s to finish up high school before inevitable being drafted when they turn 18. It would be the first and only time they play together on the same team, Crosby-Malkin proudly spelled onto the back of their sweaters.

Another scene where they’re all playing shinny on a frozen pond somewhere, Geno getting distracted and just sweeping Sid into his arms after he scores a goal, kissing and swinging around until they both fall into a snowbank, their sons launching themselves at them at top speed.

Another scene where Daniel Crosby-Malkin from the Chicago Blackhawks and Dimitri Crosby-Malkin from the Dallas Stars face off for a Stanley Cup final

And finally, a small wedding held in Sid’s backyard in Nova Scotia, where Daniel and Dimitri stand with Flower and Tanger and Kuni and Duper and Talbo and most of Geno’s Russian buddies as their parents finally get married again, kissing happily under the sunset and the lake shining behind them.

Bonus scene: A few months after the wedding and a few days before the season starts up again, with everyone home, Sid comes down the stairs for breakfast with a strange look on his face and something in his hands. He’s a graceful 43 now, grey hairs really pushing now, so when he says “you boys up to being big brothers?” Geno spits out the tea he had been drinking and jumps up and envelops his husband.