#ive been working on this for AGES LMFAO

[moondane-lovers]

✍️🤪🥰😡🌦️🏷️❤️💞☕️🛌🪐💘🙈💌👀 4 the canonical ask game since u said you wanted it ~ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆Generous Anon⋆˚｡⁺⋆

youre a madman. you are. everything i have ever wanted. i'm doing this for both my s/i's because i just. i can. you are my hero.

SPANDAM

✍️: Overall, how does the fandom trait you? Are you a beloved character, or hated? Are you popular, or a minor side character? Anything in between?

Definitely more of a side character. There's a lot of uh. weird dudebros in the fandom that despise LQBTQIA+ characters so I feel like that group would hate them, while the fellow queers would probably find them pretty neat. Definitely more of a side character, all things considered.

🤪: What is your trait that fanon would exaggerate?

The autism. DEFINITELY the autism. Also, Pluto is genuinely devoted to her work as a cleaner, but I imagine that would be misinterpreted as “i love to clean!” Instead of “this is what I do, i’m just good at it.” If glossed over.

🥰: How would someone who loved you portray you?

I don't really know. People in the fandom use a lot of words for their faves. Great autistic rep? They/She icon? Tough ass underdog who deserves the world? I just... don't know. Very positively I imagine, with heavy emphasis on the less obvious bits of symbolism and story hints that are present? Probably loved by the over analyzers.

😡: How would someone who hated you portray you?

Annoying, failed tradwife material that was turned into a “stupid gay" who got written in to make Spandam less hateable, or getting in the way of other ships (this is incorrect)

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

I feel like a mix of both? There's a lot of brutality and pain that can be grabbed from their backstory and youth, so it could go a number of ways depending on what's focused on.

🏷️: What is you and your f/o’s ship name?

I haven’t thought of this, myself! Pluspan? Spando? Coffeemops? Who knows. I imagine there would be a bunch.

❤️: How popular is you x your f/o? Are you a rarepair?

Considering Spandam isn’t a very popular character and there is already at least one minor fandom ship with him, not a rarepair since canon but probably not like, popular. A niche ship. Definitely a few specific superfans who churn out fanworks.

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

Probably Jabra, Kumadori or Fukurou, since there would be canonical flashbacks of them interacting with the three during her time in Enies Lobby, and she was friendly with them and able to handle their antics. Especially among the “they deserve better!” crowd.

☕️: What are the most common plots of shipping fics between you and your f/o?

I imagine a lot of fics would involve their time at Enies lobby and the happenings then. That and timeskips/post-ending fics, since there’s not a lot to work with between what would be given.

🛌: What tropes show up in fics involving your ship?

Definitely forbidden love, one sided pining and a lot of slow burn. I haven’t thought about this one much. OH, hurt-comfort and whump.

🪐: What would be your most popular AU and why?

Hear me out. Arranged marriage or royalty aus. I just feel it. I don’t know why, but it feels like those would be all over the place. Also! Aus where they stayed at Enies lobby during the actual arc and buster call, for maximum angst.

💘: Why would people love your ship? Why would people dislike your ship? How might it start debates?

People would love it for its nuance and deeper story that is hidden in the “show don’t tell” sort of presentation, as well as it being an unexpectedly healthy outcome. People would hate it because 1: spandam, 2: you gave the queer rep to spandam? 3: They deserve better

Debate wise oh my GOD I feel like somehow discourse would start from some dumb reason to call it problematic or the really weird new “two grown adults have an age gap” argument. (And no, I’m not referring to the very much questionable the middle aged man/woman creeping on a freshly 18 year old thing, that weird me out too.)

I think overall, they would have an older fanbase.

🙈: Why would your ship be thought of as cute/fluffy? Why would your ship be considered problematic?

I mean, this is Spandam. There will be people who will automatically see it as “he doesn’t deserve them” or with critically low media literacy, “him having a love interest is problematic”. Outside of that, I feel like the people who like it would see it as pretty wholesome and hopeful with the dynamics.

💌: How would your dynamic be portrayed? What might people focus on most? Any misconceptions?

I feel like the dynamics would be very easily misconstrued due to how... you know, shitty Spandam is in canon. Their relationship is strange and complex but healthy and structured, just contains a long winding road to get there. Mischaracterization of either would definitely lead to assumptions about the relationship. As for focuses, I feel like power dynamics would hold a big part.

👀: How does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? Would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic?

Spandam would definitely have more apologists thanks to their interactions, his overall characterization is definitely less brutal as his actions would have some more lore behind them and be less harsh due to the positive influence of Pluto, but he's still a huge shit. Meta wise, I feel like people would absolutely tear into Pluto's willingness to accommodate him and how that changes him as time goes on. On pluto's side, autism in relationships would be a big thing to analyze with the way they act.

OUGHHHH ITS DONE I'LL DO GULDO LATER

[hella1975]

normal again :)

[empyreanmirror]

i hope you know im selectively uploading things to protect you all from lies of p content

[blackvahana]

fermented mares milk in mongolia............... im being normal...........................................................................

[celestie0]

gojo satoru x reader | college au [18+]

kickoff ch.9 words you've been wanting to hear

ᰔ pairing. college au - soccer player! gojo x film major! reader

ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is the most popular guy on your college campus. he's tall, funny, hot, not to mention he's the most talented soccer forward the school has seen in years. but he's also a frat dude, which puts him in a world very different from your own, as he spends most of his nights partying & drinking while you spend most of yours working on your annoying film major assignments. but when he reaches out to you for a favor, you realize that helping him out might have something in it for you too.

ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fem reader, fluff, angst, smut, college au, fraternities, sororities, partying, drinking/alcohol, romance, jealousy, pining, slow burn, opposites to lovers, friends to lovers, she falls first he falls harder, gojo being an idiot, marijuana use, sexism, sexual harassment (verbal only)

ᰔ chapter. 9/x (probably 12)

ᰔ words. 15.6k (WHY DO THEY KEEP GETTING LONGER)

a/n. HELLO MY DEAR KICKOFF READERS IVE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH i am soooo sorry for the wait on this one. this chapter felt very vulnerable to write for some reason lmfao, but i really hope it was worth the wait :''') see you at the bottom!! if there are typos or some things don't make sense i'm so sorry i literally gave up on proofreading this i just ended up raw-doggin it and then posting it

nav. masterlist

☾·̩͙꙳ moodboard no.1

♬.*ﾟplaylist

an additional author's note. hellooo ellie here. there are some additional warnings/tags for this chapter, i added them to the tags above, so if you know you have any sort of triggers, please refer to them before reading! but if you don't have any and don't want to be spoiled ab anything then you can keep reading lol. thank youu <33

--

The restaurant address that Kai sent you was just a ten minute taxi ride away, save for the five minutes you spent trying to evasively maneuver through the hotel lobby in order to avoid running into people you’re not too keen on seeing right now, a list that stacks up to just one person at this moment.

It’s a Korean barbecue place, it’s been ages since you’ve been to one, probably since they’re way too expensive for any sort of outing you could afford these days, but the crisp sizzling sounds of the grills and the savory air has your mouth watering in a way that makes you indifferent to the cost. Anything to get this churning feeling out of your stomach. 

It’s instantly brought to your attention that Hana’s tipsy off of Soju because she’s slid out of the booth the second you emerge to the tablestide, and she’s onto her feet to pull you into a hug. You hug her back.

“I’m ssssoooooooo glad you’re—hic—here,” she says, voice sounding loud near your ear, but her embrace is surprisingly calming to you.

Her face appears flushed when you pull away, and you give her a smile and a kind hold of her elbow. “I’m happy to be here, sorry for coming late, I just decided I wanted to have dinner with you all.”

Minato is pulling on Hana’s arm to get her to sit down, which she finally agrees to, and you glance to the left side of the table where Kai sat, meticulously turning over pieces of meat on the grill. His eyes are on you, and the seat next to him is empty.

“You look nice,” he says, eyes falling to your lap under the table once you’ve taken a seat next to him.

Your eyes fall to your lap as well. “Oh. Thanks. I wasn’t really trying to look any sort of way, though.” Just faded jeans with a few rips & holes you made yourself, way back in high school when that sort of thing was trendy.

“I know,” he says, smirk heard perfectly through his words, “I like that.”

You ignore him, a fleeting thought passing through your head of how annoyingly forward men are to women they’ve met within a day, just something you’ve noticed recently, and then you’re accepting the glass of Soju that Minato’s poured for you. Quick to tip it back, you feel a burn on your tongue that’s just enough to distract.

“Today’s game was pretty interesting,” Minato speaks up, picking up a few pieces off the grill with his chop sticks and placing them on Hana’s plate first before taking some for himself. You find the gesture sweet. “The first half was intense.”

Hana nods enthusiastically, elbows rested on the tabletop as she waves her hands around in the air. “Uh huh, uh huh, the boys kicked the ball like whoosh. Goes all over the place! Can’t get a—hic—can’t get a single shot. No, I mean me, I can’t get a camera shot. Not them, they can get the shots of goals. The goals of shots? Huh.”

“Alright, you’ve had enough,” Minato grumbles as he drags the glass of Soju that she was nursing away from her. 

Kai lets out a laugh beside you, his knee bumping against yours under the table. “I’ve watched so many of these soccer games for this job, and I’ve still got no damn clue what the rules are.”

You blink down at your empty plate for a second before grabbing the silver chopsticks laid neatly on your napkin, and taking some food from the center of the table. “Really? I’ve only been to a couple, and I feel like I get the gist of it.” Maybe it’s because you had a personal interest, though.

Kai lets out a low whistle next to you. “Okay, you’re a smartass then.”

You give him a sidewards glance. “Maybe you’re just dumb?” 

Your own words startle you a bit. Minato lets a laugh out, but under his breath, while Hana does absolutely nothing to conceal hers. Kai’s eyes just widen. You bite down on a carrot stick.

“Hey, hey, hey, y/n,” Hana chirps, tapping at your wrist, “do you know any of the soccer players? Utahime said you doooo.”

You swallow slowly to buy yourself time, but give a preliminary shake of your head before answering, “no, not really.” You catch a whiff of the cologne on your wrist when you lift your glass to your lips.

“Oh,” she sulks her shoulders and then sinks down into the booth again, her head falling onto Minato’s shoulder. The man stiffens a bit and then there’s a content smile playing at his lips. A hint of a smile develops on your face too at the sight when you put two and two together. What an adorable little crush. It makes you feel sick.

Kai pours you some more Soju the second you drink down the last of it in your glass, and you nod to him as a thanks. “Pretty sure most of my photos from the first half are fucked,” he says, dragging the opening of the bottle against the rim of your glass before pulling it away, “didn’t realize until way later that my aperture was way off.”

You bring the glass to your lips, inhaling before taking a sip. You’re about to speak up about that when Minato beats you to it.

“Are you serious?” he asks, disappointed, like they’re suddenly talking business now. “I better see some good shots. Your side was where most of the action took place. Like that through-pass, tight behind the defensive line, from Nanami Kento to Gojo Satoru before he sunk it a couple mins before the half ended.”

You choke a little on your Soju at the mention of Gojo’s name, and then all three of them are looking at you. You wave a hand in front of your face. “Sorry.” 

Kai grumbles something under his breath and then stuffs a piece of pork belly into his mouth. “Yeah, whatever, man. I’m pretty sure I got some good ones. Don’t worry.”

Dinner goes on like that, where you count the number of times Kai thinks that someone saying something funny across the table is an excuse to press his thigh against yours, but at least the cute way that Hana and Minato seem to inch closer to one another all night is enough to put you at some sort of bitter ease. But that unsettling feeling in your stomach from a couple of hours ago still lingers.

The four of you stand outside the restaurant, heels rocking back and forth in the cold as you all take up the last chance to debrief the day, and then Minato’s glancing at his watch.

“Alright, it’s probably time to head back. We can all share a ride to the hotel, it’s cheaper that way,” Minato says. Hana’s clinging to his sleeve.

“Oh, uh, I was going to stay here. There’s a cool camera shop around the corner. I was gonna check it out,” Kai says, pointing over his shoulder before glancing at you. “Wanna come? I saw they’ve got used film cameras.”

You twiddle with the hotel key card in your pocket. It’s cheap plastic, could break easily with just the right amount of pressure. Like your resolve right now. “Sure.”

He smiles at you.

“Alright, well I need to get this one back to her room,” Minato says with a sigh, pointing to Hana, “so I’ll see you all at the next game?”

You and Kai nod at him and then watch as he walks away with Hana on his arm towards the curb, pulling his phone out to call for a ride.

“Where’s this camera shop at?” you ask Kai once the silence between the two of you stretches out a little too long. 

“It really is just around the corner,” he says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He starts walking down the row of miscellaneous shops and establishments under dim street lighting, and you follow after him before the two of you circle to the adjacent end. A tiny shop in the distance catches your eye. The LED sign above the storefront was blinking sporadically, and read 17th St Camera & Rentals, except half the letters were extinct of any light. Next to it was a 24/7 liquor store.

It’s only when you walk right up to it that you realize the sign dangling behind the glass door that says closed.

“Oh. Bummer,” Kai comments in a flat tone. “I swear it was open before I got to the restaurant.”

You sigh, pulling your phone out to glance at the time. “Yeah, at 8pm? It’s past 10 now.”

He looks at you and taps the camera case still hung at his neck. “That’s fine. I’ve still got a camera to show you, anyways.”

You blink your eyes at him, suddenly feeling a bit exhausted and then glance over your shoulder at the curb of the street to see if Minato & Hana were still there waiting for a ride. You don’t see them anymore. 

A distraction. Wasn’t that what you wanted?

“Yeah, show me.”

Kai seems to know the area better than you, since he walks down the haphazardly lain sheets of concrete across the ground with more confidence than a tourist would. The thought occurs to you that maybe the newsletter photographers have eaten here before during their time in Kyoto.

“What made you start working with the newsletter?” you ask, glancing at him as the two of you walk down further, into what seems like a neighborhood.

He shrugs. “First job I could find out of college. I had a lot of freelance experience, so I’m assuming that’s why they hired me.” He nudges your arm with his elbow. “What about you?”

“I’ve known Utahime for a while. She was impressed with my work.”

“Ahh, connections,” he muses, “smart. That’ll get you far as an artist.”

He suddenly stops walking and peers off to the right, into a darkness that you can’t really make anything out of until you’ve spent a few seconds staring too. He walks in that direction, the loud echoing stomps of his boots on concrete no longer audible once he crosses the threshold onto grass, and you follow behind to what seems like a deserted children’s park. You wish there were more trees in the city. There are a lot here in the countryside, and it makes you homesick for something you’re not even sure of.

A gust of wind brushes through, rattling the set of swings hung on rusty chains. The wood chips underneath your feet feel stale, with no snap to them at all as you follow Kai through the playhouses set up in connected fashion. There are two picnic benches, one looks like it’s been freshly painted with faux effort to improve its image in the line of sight of the street, while the other has red paint peeled back to reveal bronze underneath the moonlight, neglected and tucked behind a few trees. The latter is what he chooses.

He slides into the bench, and he shakes his head when he sees you try to take a seat on the other side before patting at the seat beside him. “It’d be easier for you to take a look at my side.”

He has a point, so you sit next to him instead. Although at this point in the night, you were feigning interest. He zips his camera bag open and you take a better look at the lens. There’s no way it was as cheap as he told you it was.

“There’s no way this was as cheap as you told me it was,” you say.

He laughs, pulling the camera out and handing it to you. “Yeah, maybe the guy cut me a deal since I’ve bought from him before.”

You’re smart enough to put the strap around your neck, even though you’re only holding it a few inches above the table, because a camera like this deserves the care and respect. The material is minimalist and sleek, and it’s heavy in your hands. You click the shutter button, screen coming to life with a few mechanic chirps. “Woah. Is it LCD or OLED?”

“LCD.”

“That’s nice,” you say, “paying for the OLED just seems silly to me.”

“I concur, Canon. Color accuracy is king.”

He shuffles to pull something out of his pocket while you continue to inspect the camera in your hands, and you see him fidget with said thing over the table in the corner of your eye. The flick of something and the light of something makes you turn your head to face him, and he’s pinching the end of a joint to his mouth, lighting the other end.

He gives you a glance when you stare for too long, inhaling from it before pulling it from his mouth. “What?” You can see the smoke leave his mouth in the chill of the air.

“Is that why you chose the secluded bench?”

“I did? Didn’t even notice.”

You blink at him, and he places his elbow on the table to lean closer to you. 

“Do you mind it?” he asks.

“No, not really.”

“Wanna smoke with me?” Two fingers pinching the origin of smoke tilt towards you. “This is my good weed, though, so, I charge by the drag.”

“That’s ridiculous, and no thanks. It doesn’t suit me.”

He lets out a laugh, releasing whatever tension he was building in your space, and the smell of weed is nauseating, but at least it's a new sensation to you.

“You’ve gotta be the only film major on the planet that doesn’t smoke weed. How do you manage?” he asks, the orange flicker of his joint being the only color you can distinctly see under the similarly flickering street lights. 

Your finger traces the rim of the camera lens and is careful to not smudge the glass. “I think I manage just fine.”

“Yeah. With delusion,” he says, coughing, scattering smoke into the air this time instead of a clean blow.

You turn a bit in your seat to face him more, placing the camera down. “You’re extremely blunt.”

His eyebrow raises in amusement and you close your eyes with annoyance at the pun. You brush it off.

“I mean, seriously, I get you’re probably just looking out for me, I guess. I appreciate that. But do you really think my dreams of becoming a filmmaker are that far-fetched?” you ask. There’s a crack to your voice at the end that you didn’t like.

He sighs, setting his wrist down on the table. There’s a long pause where he thinks about what to say. Probably the most you’ve seen him consider what words leave his mouth next. “I was in the same shoes as you, y/n. A couple years ago. I, too, had big dreams of making movies. I was going to apply to film grad school as well, although you’re shooting higher than I was at the time. There’s no way I would’ve gotten into UTokyo’s.” He tilts his head to the side a few times while looking straight off ahead. “I sent scripts in everywhere. To every fucking production company, creative agency, you name it. Never got a callback, not even once. While all my fellow grads were landing decent, respectable jobs.” He brings the joint to his mouth again, but he doesn’t inhale, just bitterly bites it. “I could’ve went on like that, but,” his brow furrows, “I’ve seen my peers torture themselves for years for those dreams of theirs. I swore I wouldn’t be one of them. Because they’re all delusional fucks.” He finally glances at you. “Are you one, too?”

Your shoulders drop a little and your lips purse. “I don’t know yet. It’s too early to say.” 

“It’s never too early to say, if the outcome is all the same,” he tells you. 

You consider his words for a moment. It’s the easy way out. You should consider yourself lucky. Everyone wants a reason, a sign, to turn away from the one thing they’re scared to think about. And here he was, giving that to you on a silver platter.

But if what you wanted was really all that fragile, then it means there’s nothing to show for any of it. For all the effort it took you to get here, and all the effort you’re still willing to give. 

“I’ll keep going until I fail,” you say, “or until I succeed.” It’s not really something you say for him, but for yourself.

He juts his bottom lip out and raises his eyebrows, slowly nodding his head, like he’s impressed by you. But his posture remains lax. “I mean, you’re working this job. You’ve got some sort of plan, at least. It’s not like I’m your parent to tell you what to do and what not to do.” He finally takes another drag, eyebrows pinching together at the same time his fingers pinch close to the burn of his joint to pull it away. “What’s that one saying? You can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink.”

“Wow. You don’t sound a day older than sixty-five.”

He smirks at you. “You’ve got a lot of attitude, Canon. Where does it come from?”

You sink a little in your seat, turning away from him to look down at your hands that were still messing with the features of his camera. “My annoying feelings lately.”

“Feelings about what?”

You consider telling the truth. But you don’t. “My car is in repair and I’m not sure I can afford to pay for the bill, since things keep coming up with it.” It was the thing at the top of your mind at the moment though, for some reason, so partially truthful.

He laughs. “Yeah, cars have a way of doing that when you’re finally getting caught up on bills.”

“At what point does spontaneously picking up random, obscure jobs go from omg I’m so excited to have this opportunity to I just need the money?” you ask.

“You mean you’re not already at that point yet?” he says with a scoff. “Soon, then.”

You sigh.

“Y’know I used to work at this lousy cinema a few miles away from Central,” he tells you, hand tapping the table with a rhythm that makes no sense. “Busted my ass working minimum wage on night shifts because I thought I’d catch a big break in conversation with a director, as if Martin Fucking Scorcese would choose to host his opening night at a random Edwards in Tokyo.” His tapping on the table stops. “Tell me that isn’t pathetic as hell.”

“That’s pathetic as hell.”

“The things you’ll do for money,” he says with a sigh. He sounds detached, like it’s really just a message for you.

You lick your lips, skin feeling dry from the wind that occasionally brushes by, and when you glance at Kai again, there’s a grit to his jaw.

“Should’ve been born as one of those damn college athletes,” he grumbles, sucking in fast through the joint that was close to withering away. “Those fuckers don’t pay tuition.”

The harsh colors of the soccer team’s color-coded practice schedule on your phone are visible when you blink, as well as the exhaustion under Gojo’s eyes in the warm lighting of the hotel lobby earlier tonight. “They work hard.”

He looks at you. “I work hard, too.”

Your shoulders tense. “I’m sure.”

“You work hard as well.” Just to include you.

“Yeah.”

“I mean, you can’t tell me that it’s fair.”

Your mind wanders to some of the people you’ve met on that team, who have been nice to you. You think of Gojo, and the memory of him makes you wish you were with him right now. Despite everything.

“I guess it’s not fair,” is all you say, a tactic to diffuse the conversation, one that you’ve had to use twice with him today. The sound of the swing chains clinking together from the wind in the distance runs a chill down your spine.

You feel heavy in your chest, and you glance at the joint pinched in between Kai’s fingers. He’s not keeping an eye on it, so it’s easy to steal, and you bring it to your lips before sucking in. You instantly let out a few coughs. He’s looking at you with surprise. And you’re still in desperate need of that distraction you’ve been craving.

“How long does it take for it to kick in?” you ask, coughing again and pressing a hand to your chest.

“Super long when you can barely stomach a single drag.”

You try again. He watches you. You swear you feel a buzz this time, and you hand the joint back to him. You feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Good,” you tell him, “really good.”

“That’s gotta be placebo, Canon.”

“No, really,” you sigh it. Even if it was, maybe your mind was just blessing you with a single moment of reprieve. “I feel…really good,” you say with your head in a haze. “Best I’ve…” you don’t know why you have to blink back tears, “best I’ve felt this whole week.”

Kai’s silent next to you. You look over at him, and he’s got a scrutinizing expression on his face. His eyes are glazed. “You seeing anyone right now, Canon?”

It’s the savory question you know has been on the tip of his tongue. Ignorantly asked, as if you would’ve been sitting here with him right now in the dead of night if the answer was yes. 

“No.”

He’s leaning towards you, and you’re dazed and also sleepy. His face is close now, there’s an urge to giggle, which means there’s no way this is all just placebo, and when his lips dip towards yours, you’re conscious enough to push him away by a weakly fisted hand pressed to his collarbone.

“Oh. I. Um,” you stutter.

“What?” he asks, eyebrow raised, still close to you.

“No. No thanks.” Because it felt wrong. 

He fully pulls away from you, and runs a hand through his hair, a deep sigh leaving him. “Alright.”

You’re breathing faster now, surroundings feeling vague, like you’re in sweltering heat but the air only bites cold.

You stand up suddenly. “I…I want to go back.”

“Go back where?”

“To the hotel. To my room.” You pause. “I mean, by myself. Not with you. We can share a ride, though.”

He stands up too, hands reaching for you, gripping the straps of his camera still hung around your neck and he pulls it off to place it back into the case. You feel like you’ve lost favor with him somehow. “Okay. Sure.” 

“But not with you.” You felt the need to clarify again.

“I get it, Canon. It’s fine.”

—

“Maybe you just need to fuck him aggressively without mercy.”

“I beg your finest pardon?”

You’re sitting in a booth inside this streetside KFC with Mina sitting across the table, waving a fry around in the air, and with Nobara next to you as she tries to open a packet of ketchup with her teeth. The hangout the three of you have been hyping up all week, just to be sat in the same place you always go to. You were about to take a bite out of your sandwich, but you set it back down on your tray.

Mina points the fry at you and shrugs. “I’m saying. Maybe you’re having such a hard time getting over Gojo because you got so close to fucking him in that bathroom, but you didn’t, and now you’re in, like, this constant state of edging.” She bites down on the fry. “The clit knows what the heart doesn’t.”

“Your theories never fail to amaze me,” you mumble, sinking further into the booth. 

“Perhaps it’ll take the edge off.” Mina sucks through the straw of her Diet coke. Nobara finally succeeds in opening her packet of ketchup.

“I doubt it. Besides, I technically already gave him an invitation to,” you say, fingers rubbing at your eye with a swipe as you wince from the memory, “and he rejected me, so, still swimming in the self hatred from that one.”

Mina hums. “There’s no way he’s not foaming at the mouth for it, y/n. Men never let a meal they were craving go unfinished,” she states, dramatically stabbing a chicken nugget with a fork.

“What kind of pigs do you guys associate yourselves with?” Nobara asks. She’s a lesbian, by the way.

“I raise another question. Why are we talking about this in a public restaurant?” you offer.

“Listen, babes,” Mina continues, like your words fall on deaf ears because she’s got some point to make, “it’ll either poof. Make your feelings go away like the drop of a hat because you find out he’s a bad lay. Or it’ll be so good that you realize you’re never getting over him and you’ll be thinking of his dick instead of your husband’s on your wedding night.”

“We’re. In. A. Public. Restaurant.”

Mina steals a biscuit from your tray. “If it ends up being the first outcome, then the whole thing was my idea. If it’s the second…then just know that Nobara has steered you wrong.”

“Why the hell do you have to drag me into this?” Nobara asks.

You’re about to take a bite from your sandwich again when you’re interrupted by the buzzing of your phone in your purse. You pull it out and glance at the caller ID, then let out a sigh.

“Sorry, I have to take this,” you mumble, slipping out of the booth and towards the restaurant’s exit, pushing the tense door open with a gust of fresh air brushed through you.

“Hello?” It’s the car repair man. “Really? I thought you said it was fixed.” Apparently something else came up. “Okay…how much longer will it be in repair?” Much longer than you had thought. “And how much will it cost?” Much more expensive than you had thought. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, really, I feel as though every time I’m on the line with you all, I have to wait longer to get my car back, and the bill just racks up higher.” They’re trying their best. “I know. Is it necessary to fix in order to drive, though?” State laws require it. “Okay…thanks for the update.” And then you hang up without another word, and with all the frustration in the world.

You head back inside and grumble about your car woes to Mina and Nobara, who try their best to respond with interest.

“Why can’t your insurance cover it?” Mina asks.

“Apparently they can’t claim it’s because of those rocks I drove over,” you sigh, “since it looks like it’s been a problem for longer than that.”

“Can you afford it?” Nobara asks.

“Not really,” you say. “I’ll just have to postpone having my car for a bit.”

You sigh with a glance out the window of this fine dining establishment, into the blue skies just beyond, head drowning out the voices of Mina and Nobara as they continue to grill you about all sorts of questions that you don’t have the energy to answer right now. You had another student loan payment to make once you got home today, and just the thought of it makes your heart drop a little. And you realize you just can’t afford to be picky about your financial situation anymore.

—

“Thanks for helping me out with this,” you say, footsteps over familiar grassy hills as you head towards the UTokyo’s practice field, your digital Canon EOS hanging from your neck. 

“Sure,” Kai says as he keeps pace next to you, “why the sudden mission, though?”

You’re gazing off straight ahead, a nervous pit in your stomach since it’s been a while since you’ve walked across this landscape towards the field. 

“I just feel like I need to diversify my income somehow,” you sigh, the buzzwords leaving a bitter taste in your mouth as you say them but it was the reality of your situation, “to make ends meet. When you mentioned freelance work during our conversation last week, it made me think it’s time for me to pick that up too.”

Kai hums. “Yeah, it’s a good plan. I’ll try to show you what I know.”

Once you’ve made it to the top of that hill, the one that oversees the field, your eyes instantly scan the field for familiar silhouettes, and your breath catches in your throat when you spot Gojo passively kicking a ball back and forth between one of his teammates for warm-ups.

It’s the second time you’ve seen him since that argument the two of you had in the hotel lobby, the first being at the post-game conference in which you did everything in your power to swiftly avoid him, and you plan on keeping that up. There’s also an urge to run away, but you’re starting to realize that’s not much of an option anymore.

“Honestly, you don’t really need to worry too much about shutter speed with freelance like you do for shooting sports,” Kai is mumbling next to you as he messes with the settings on his camera, the two of you making your way down the hill towards the field, and you’re not really listening because your eyes are on Gojo, who’s yelling something across the field to his teammates with a look of concentration on his face.

“Uh huh, I see,” you say. You see Kai glance at you in his periphery.

“You again!” you hear a familiar harsh voice call out, and you turn on your heel to face Coach Yaga who’s standing a few feet away in his custom UTokyo tracksuit with his arms crossed against his chest. “Why are you on my field?”

You hold your breath for a second. “Hi, Coach Yaga, so sorry, but I’m just here to take some more photos.”

He lets out one of his hmphs, unrelenting. “You’re a distraction. Get off my field.”

“D-Distraction?”

“Coach!” Suddenly, Geto’s in your line of sight as he emerges with a light jog up to your side. “You should really be nicer to our photographers, they give us a lot of publicity for our games. And publicity means funding.”

Coach Yaga narrows his eyes. “I need all my players focused right now. Even during practice.” He gives you a disapproving glance and you’re still confused, but also weirdly angered.

“Excuse me, Coach Yaga, but last time I checked, this field is technically open for all students. And I’m a student,” you say to him, crossing your arms across your chest now. “So, I can be here if I want.”

You have no idea if that’s true at all, but sometimes you’ve just gotta fake it ‘til you make it.

Coach Yaga grumbles something and then waves his hands in the air. “Fine! I’ve no bandwidth to argue about this anymore! Just don’t distract my players.”

You’re shocked that it worked, and Geto nudges you with an elbow to correct your expression so that Coach Yaga doesn’t catch on to the bullshit you just spewed. 

“Are you here to take some photos?” Geto asks, facing you. He’s got his hands on his hips, breathing slightly fast, some of his hair falling onto his forehead. 

“Yeah, I am, just for practice though. I’m here with—” you glance at Kai, who’s standing with his fists shoved into his pockets, “Kai. He’s also with the newsletter.”

There’s a moment where Geto studies the two of you for a second before speaking. “I know,” he says, extending his hand out for Kai to shake, which he does, “I think I’ve seen you around. Not sure if we’ve formally met, but it’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, likewise.” Kai’s hand is then shoved back into his pocket.

You feel awkward suddenly, and then quickly say something to Geto about how he should probably get back to practice, which he agrees to, and then you’re standing at the chalk sideline with Kai as he shows you the ins and outs about digital photography.

“Have you tried shooting in burst mode?” he asks, switching the feature on your camera and then handing it back to you. You sling the strap around your neck.

“Hm…” you start, pointing your camera across the expanse of the field to multiple areas. The trees off into the distance, the goal posts, Coach Yaga’s yapping Pomeranian. “Not really…” The grass beneath your feet, the sky above your head, and then blurrily focused before settling on Gojo who stood in the distance straight ahead.

You see through your viewfinder that he’s caught sight of you too, a look of surprise on his face seen only by the level of zoom, and you glance up from the screen to make eye contact with him in reality. He’s fully staring at you, and you can barely see the way his expression relaxes from that one of athletic concentration to something wistful and strange that you’ve had a hard time reading lately.

“Canon? Are you even listening?”

“Huh?” you snap out of it and look at Kai. “Sorry. Could you repeat that?” You quickly glance toward Gojo again, and his line of sight points towards Kai now.

“I was asking if you’ve tried panning before,” he says, reaching for your camera, pulling it towards him, but the strap around your neck means you’re pulled closer to him too. 

“Satoru!” Coach Yaga yells in the distance. “Eyes on the ball!” 

“Just got to set your camera to manual mode first,” Kai mutters, confusion in his voice. “Where the fuck is it?” He’s turning your camera in his hands, which only has you stumbling with another small step towards him, your chest pressed flush to his arm, and he looks down at you for a brief second with a smirk on his face.

You hear the sound of a ball being kicked on the field, followed by the shout of one of the players.

“Ah, here, found it,” Kai says, handing your camera back to you, and just as you’re about to say thanks and you hold your camera up, you’re hit straight in the face by a flying object and fall backwards onto the grass with a painful thud.

What the fuck?

Where are you?

Who are you?

Okay, that’s dramatic, it wasn’t that bad.

There’s shouting in the distance as you hold your head with a groan, eyes shut tight with images of your life flashing behind your eyelids, and when you open your eyes again from where you’re sat up on the grass, you’re surrounded by soccer players.

Gojo’s suddenly in your line of sight, knelt down beside you and he’s holding your shoulders, trying to get you to look at him but you’re still blinking away the stars you’re seeing. “Fuck, y/n, are you okay?” he asks, and you register the concern on his face.

“Dude,” one of his teammates kicks the heel of his cleat, “where the fuck were you looking? It was clear as day I was tryna pass to you.”

Gojo grumbles something to him, his brow furrowed, and he’s lowering his head to try to make eye-level contact with you but you’re still holding your head with a wince.

“Oh shit,” Kai comments, “she’s bleeding.”

You pull your hand from your face to glance down at the wetness that you feel, and bright red color stains the tips of your fingers.

The next thing you register is Gojo picking you up off the hard grassy ground into his arms, and starts carrying you away down the field.

“W-What the hell are you doing?” you ask, his pacing across the grass is fast and you have to wrap your arms around his neck to keep from getting dizzy.

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” he says, voice strained in his throat, and you’ve never seen him look so worried before. 

“The hospital?! Please don’t, I don’t have health insurance right now.” His face is so close and you’re distracted from the pain of your headache.

“You’re bleeding on the face, I’m taking you whether you like it or not,” he grumbles.

You dig your nails into his shoulder through the nylon of his shirt, and he hisses from the pain before stopping in his tracks. “I don’t need to go to the hospital, Satoru, I just need a fucking bandaid.”

“You could have a concussion.”

“A concussion?!” You kick your feet for him to let you down but his grip on you only tightens. “You’re being ridiculous. Let me go, or I’ll bite you.”

He scoffs at that and continues walking forward. “You’re gonna bite me? That’s the most threatening thing you could come up with?”

“I’m being so dead serious, Gojo Satoru. No hospital.”

He grumbles something under his breath at your use of his full government name, and then says “fine” but he’s still walking down the grass until his cleats begin to tap on concrete, and then on what sounds like tile as he carries you into a building a few yards from the field.

He seats you on a cold counter, your hand gripping the faucet of a sink, and you finally take a comprehensive look at your surroundings. light blue, faint scent of chlorine in the air

“Is this…a locker room? The men's locker room?”

He sighs, bending his knees a bit to look at your face closely. You flinch when his hand reaches out, and he pauses, but you relax slightly and then he rubs his thumb over your cheek. You feel the smear of a droplet of blood. “Yes. I need running water.” He turns the faucet of the sink on to run his thumb under.

“For what?” you ask. His thumb is running over your cheek again.

“To take care of this cut.” He disappears behind a tile wall for a moment. You can hear metal clanking, probably of a locker opening and closing, and he re-emerges with a first-aid kit.

You slide your butt across the counter to the edge, about to hop off and make a run for it when he grabs your hips and puts you back into place. “Don’t even think about it,” he grumbles. He leans forward, grips you strongly, and you see that he’s still breathing heavily from practice, strands of hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, and you can practically taste the salt on his neck. 

You press your shin to the front of his thigh, desperate to put some space between the two of you. “I don’t wanna be in here. Men are scary.”

“Well I can’t take you into the women’s locker room,” he says, ripping the packet of an antiseptic wipe open with his teeth, “I’d get registered as a sex offender.”

You attempt at an escape again, and he’s quick to get his hands on you to stop it.

“Quit manhandling me, or I’ll scream,” you threaten through gritted teeth, because you’re still mad at him. For everything.

“Go ahead,” he says, using his knee to spread your legs apart, then finds a place to stand between your thighs to get closer to you. “I’ve got a lot of ways I could shut you up.”

You blink at him, breath catching in your throat, and the expression on his face tells you he’s not interested in dealing with your stubbornness anymore.

“Just hold still,” he grumbles, placing the packet down on your thigh and then stepping off to the side to wash his hands under the sink.

“What exactly happened?” you ask, watching him dry his hands off with a few paper towels. One moment, Kai was trying to explain good digital photography to you, and the next you were dizzy from being knocked back onto the ground.

“You got hit by a soccer ball.”

“I know, but how?” You remember your camera hit your face from the impact too, and now you’re worried about it.

“I…wasn’t paying attention when my teammate passed it,” he admits with a sigh, finding his place in front of you again, the knuckles of his clean hand brushing across your cheek, caressing. Your expression softens slightly. He uses a hand spread across the small of your back to push you forward to him, then he gently passes the wipe over your wound.

“Oh okay so, you failed to protect me from a flying soccer ball.” 

He pulls his hand from you to read the lettering on the back of the packet. “I’m patching you up now, aren’t I?” he says, annoyed. “…oh fuck, I was supposed to go in with water first.”

“So glad to be in such good hands right now.” 

He gives you a pointed look, but you ignore it and turn your torso to see your reflection in the mirror for the first time. You had a small wound on your cheek, right over the bone, with some bleeding and it’s wider than it is deep. But when you look at Gojo again, who’s putting some ointment onto a Q-tip now, the look of guilt and worry on his face makes you feel satisfied for some reason, and you wanted to make it worse.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, brow furrowed, applying the cold gel to your cheek.

“Mhm. A lot.” Not really, no.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he sighs, head dipping towards you slightly to get a better look, “can you feel this?”

“Ahh, yeah. Ouch. So much.” Barely.

His other hand is placed flat on the counter next to where you’re sitting, and you allow it when his thumb starts to run soothing circles over your hip.

“Hmm…” you start, wide eyes looking up at him as he seems to lean closer and closer to you with every word that leaves your lips, “I really wonder if it’ll leave a scar.”

He looks tortured. His hand that was maneuvering the Q-tip in his hands drops to the counter now, and he brings his other one to your face, cupping your cheek. His eyes dart from the wound, thumb pressing at the plush of your cheek, and this time, it hurts a little so you wince. His expression is tense, some sort of inner turmoil you could read across his forehead, and then his jaw hardens.

“Who was that guy you were talking to earlier?”

You blink a few, then tilt your head slightly. You feel like you’re on a game show, where there’s four options and only one right answer. New boytoy, gay best friend, fuck buddy, or— “He’s my coworker.”

“That’s it?”

“Mhm.”

“Has he tried anything funny with you?” 

You almost roll your eyes. “No, dad, he hasn’t.”

“Woah. Say that again but make it daddy.”

“Hey just a quick question for you. Where do you get the audacity?”

His bent index finger finds a place under your chin, tilting your head up so you’re forced to look at him. “It’s your fault, really. I can’t help it sometimes,” he says, voice lower now. You’re squirming a little, wanting to push him away but his lips get close to your cheek, brushing near your wound, like he wants to make it all better somehow. “I really am sorry,” he whispers, near your ear. There’s a whimper you have to stifle in your throat. He pulls aways just enough to where he can look into your eyes. “A cut…” he starts, thumb now passing over your bottom lip, “on your pretty face.” He sighs. You shouldn’t, but when he prods, you tuck his thumb under your front teeth and your tongue presses slightly against the padded skin of it. He looks like he’s being driven to insanity, and his other hand has no shame at all in pulling you towards him, to seat you at the edge of the counter, and you miss the texture of his thumb on your tongue when he pulls it from your mouth. But it’s so he can dip his head down to kiss you instead.

Of course the sensation of his lips on yours only lasts for a second, because the universe really fucking hates (or loves?) you, so the loud clanking of a metal water bottle against tile interrupts with harsh reverberation throughout the locker room walls, and he pulls away from you when you jump at the sound.

You both turn your heads towards the origin, located at the curved end of the entryway hall, and one of Gojo’s teammates is standing there with his duffle bag slung around his neck and hanging heavily to his thigh, his water bottle clutched in his hand. He blinks at the two of you.

Oh. It’s the one you kissed at that party a few weeks ago.

“What—…Why is there a—” his teammate starts, panicked, turning his head to double check the sign on the locker room wall as if he’s hallucinating, and when his eyes land on you again, they widen with recognition. His gaze shifts, and his chin tips down at the sight of Gojo’s irritated side eye from where he was still all up in your personal space. “…you know what. Nevermind.”

His teammate’s eyes are on you again, and you give him a shy little wave, just a fluttering of your fingers in the air paired with a small smile, legs swinging back and forth under the counter. He lets out an amused scoff from the entryway, lifting his hand to return the gesture, some cheeky grin on his face as he then scratches the back of his head before turning on his heel to leave the locker room, out of sight. You let out a sigh, hand dropping to your lap, and you don’t need to look at Gojo to tell that he’s staring at you with disbelief.

“What the fuck was that—”

“You,” you interrupt him, finger jabbing at the center of his chest, “have seriously got a lot of fucking nerve,” you hop off the counter, “to not only allow a soccer ball to sock me in the face,” he’s taking a step back with every harsh jab of your finger, “but to also hold me hostage in a mens’ locker room,” his back is pressed up against cold tile wall now while he just looks down at you with wide eyes and something akin to fear, “and then, oh my god, the audacity to kiss me?”

“I—”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” you yell, which shuts him up. “You really are just a fucking player.”

He’s stiff, not wanting to catch a punishment from you right now.

“But it doesn’t matter,” you grumble, still drilling your finger into his ribcage with the intent to cause pain. You didn’t need to be this close, but his body is warm, probably due to the blood pumping from practice, and it feels nice to be pressed up against. “Because I don’t have feelings for you anymore, so just fucking get over yourself.” It was a lie if you’ve ever told one, but you wanted to believe it so much that it could come off as the truth.

His eyes narrow down at you, eyebrows flattening. “You don’t have feelings for me anymore?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I don’t believe you.”

You roll your eyes. “Why? Because you want me to keep suffering?”

He grabs your hips, then makes a motion that is evident of his desire to pull you flush to him, but he stops himself. There’s a moment where he just takes a few deep breaths and looks at you with a hardened expression, then a split second where his eyes fall to that little cut on your cheek, and every single feature of his face softens, and then he lets you go.

You take a small step back, breathing heavily of your own, and you feel the ghost sensation of his fingertips wrapped around your hips. It makes you feel dizzy, and your thoughts are a mess. 

He sighs. “Sorry. For the soccer ball, and this locker room. But I’m not really sorry for kissing you, and if that makes me a jerk, then so be it.”

Your heart is beating fast. “You are a jerk, Satoru,” you say. He doesn’t like you, he doesn’t want you. A mantra played over and over in your head that you’ve started to hear it at night. “A real fucking jerk.” And you leave him standing there in a way that feels like the hundredth time.

—

2:34pm kaito (work): yo

2:34pm kaito (work): i had my guy look at your camera

2:35pm kaito (work): it’s pretty fucked up

2:37pm you: :( oh okay isee. does he have an estimate for the fix? the lens is okay though right?

2:39pm kaito (work): yeah lens is fine, you should really count your blessings on that. 

2:40pm kaito (work): but nah, fix would be around the same as the cost of it, so you’re better off getting a new one

2:42pm you: i don’t have thousands of yen laying around unfortunately. my car bill has sucked me dry

2:44pm kaito (work): well let me check with him. maybe he can hook you up with a good deal on a used one

2:45pm kaito (work): i got a 50% off on one of my canon cameras i bought from him a few years back. maybe he’s still got some like that

2:46pm you: yes could you check with him please? thanks so much, really

2:48pm kaito (work): sure. although i think the guy that kicked the ball to your face should be paying for your camera replacement

2:51pm you: they were just practicing. it’s their field

2:56pm kaito (work): alright. btw, you free tonight?

You blink at your phone screen from where you were sprawled across your bed. Before you have a chance to type out a response, your phone lights up with a phone call from kaito (work). You accept the call.

“Oh, hi,” you say.

“Hey, are you free tonight?”

“Oh uhh, I was just about to check my schedule.” You shake your head at your inability to come up with an excuse on the spot.

“Okay,” he says on the other line. You hear the sounds of cars honking in the distance. “Well let me know. I just left my camera guy’s shop, and he was telling me about how one of his friends does visuals for a short-film director, and that the director is looking for an assistant.” Kai grumbles something about someone he walked past being rude. “I think the director’s agency is Verve Films, so.”

You sit up in bed, eyes wide at the mention of the name. “Oh, oh wow. That’s insane.”

“Yup,” he says, “anyways, apparently the director is busy as fuck, so he left the hiring process up to my camera guy’s friend. I told him I knew someone that might be interested. Are you?”

You take a deep breath in and out. “Yeah, I am. Most of my experience on my resume lines up with short-film, so I’d be able to—”

“Alright great,” he interrupts, “so we can hold the interview tonight.”

“We?” you ask.

“Well yeah, me, my camera guy, the hiring guy. Maybe go for drinks or something.”

Your brow furrows. “That hardly sounds like an interview.”

Kai sighs. “Well, it’s not an interview for a desk job or something. It’s more of like—well, like building connections. I know you know all about that, since Utahime got you the newsletter job.”

Well, yes. She put a word in for you, which helped get the interview, but you still went against qualified applicants. “I guess.”

“It’ll be like that. Most opportunities you’ll get if you still want to pursue filmmaking are going to be like that,” he tells you, “if it feels informal, it means you’re doing it right. You might not think so now because you’re still in school, where they practically serve opportunities to students on platters, but it’s going to be different in the real world.”

You lay your head back onto the pillow, feeling like you’re receiving a lecture you didn’t ask for, and your first instinct is to pretend that you know better than he does. But when you think about all the stress recently, all of the not knowing, and the unsure, you question if you should start leaning into the advice of the people around you, and start to accept this career path for what it’s known to be. Unruly, unconventional, and a lot of times, unfair. 

“I see. Well, can I think about it? Tonight is too soon, I’d need time to research the director, put a portfolio together, and also do some interview prep,” you say, pulling your phone from your ear to glance at the time.

“Well, tonight’s the only night that works since their team’s shooting abroad for the weekend and they leave tomorrow morning,” he says.

You purse your lips together.

“But also,” Kai says, “it’s the nice thing to do, y’know, since my camera guy is taking the time to look at your camera for free, you could at least help his friend out. By the way, he just texted me, he does have some used Canons available at discount.”

You close your eyes for a second, just trying to process this conversation right now. Kai was speaking too fast, hardly enough time for you to even think.

“So do you want to do the interview tonight?”

“Yes, sure. Okay. Just— just send me the details. I’ll be there,” you say.

“Alright cool, will do.” 

You say bye, and then he hangs up.

A few hours pass by, where you spend some time putting together a flash drive of a couple of your best short films you’ve worked on in the past with other directors, as well as a portfolio of some recently developed film photography. The last thing to do was grab your emergency stash of print outs of your resume, and then you stuff it all into a folder before glancing at the mirror to take in your reflection. It felt extremely weird to show up to a job interview in something as casual as what you were wearing right now, but Kai insisted to not wear anything business. But at least you opted for jeans that don’t have any DIY holes in them.

Your face is glued to the navigation on your phone screen the second you get out of the taxi, and you walk down the bustling nightlife streets of Tokyo to get to this bar that Kai sent you the address of. But just as you’re about to turn the corner to your destination down the bar strip, you bump into someone’s chest due to lack of paying any proper attention.

“Ah— I’m so sorry,” you say, your grip on your phone tightening when you realize it was about to get knocked out of your hand, and then you look up to see a familiar face.

“Oh!” Geto exclaims from where he’s standing right in front of you, “You’re everywhere, y/n. What are you doing here?”

You open your mouth to speak, hesitate for a second, and then continue. “I’m here to…get drinks with some of my friends.”

He gives you a smile. “That’s nice. I am too.” He points over his shoulder to behind him. “Nanami got into his MBA program earlier this week, so, Satoru, Choso and I are buying him a few rounds. Or possibly a million. The plan is to incapacitate him as punishment for giving up on playing in the national league with us.”

You humor him with a laugh. “That’s sweet. Or not? Well anyway, tell him I said congrats.” Your heart starts to beat a little faster, because from the direction Geto came from, it meant Gojo was likely just around the corner somewhere. “Where are you heading to now?”

“We’re bar hopping, and I think I forgot my phone at the last one we went to over there,” he says, pointing across the street. “So I’m going to go look for it.” 

“Oh alright,” you say. “Good luck with that. I’m going to go find my, uh, my friends.”

Geto tilts his head at you and had a slightly more serious expression on his face, glancing at the folder in your hands. “Thanks. And stay safe.” 

You nod at him and then walk past him to round the corner onto the street that had groups of people loitering in front of restaurants, bars and all sorts of establishments as they wait in the cold to get inside or be seated. You recognize the name on one of the signs hanging as the one Kai sent you in his message, and when you’re a few feet away from it, you spot Kai. He’s wearing his typical street photographer wear, with a red flannel over a gray shirt and pants that are possibly a size too big for him, but that’s likely the style he was going for. He’s standing with two other people.

“Hey,” you greet Kai first, who has a pleasant look on his expression before he greets you back and gestures to the two people he was with.

“Yo, this is Junichi, my camera guy,” he says. “Don’t bother shaking his hand, he’s a germaphobe. Gotta keep ‘em clean for the electronics.”

“Oh,” you say. Junichi is a big man, broad shoulders and thick muscles. His neck is almost as thick as his bicep, and he has no hair on his head. His arms are crossed. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for taking a look at my camera.”

He nods at you in acknowledgment. “Sure thing. Pretty Boy here says you want to buy one of my used Canons. I don’t refurbish them, so you’d better know how.”

Kai sighs, nudging Junichi a little with a fist. “Relax, dude, we can talk about that later. Also, stop calling me that.”

Your eyes flicker to the right, where another man stood, who you assume was Junichi’s friend and this Verve Films director’s visual effects specialist. He’s similar in stature to Kai, with that casual artist look, and he has a scuffle of facial hair littering his jaw in less of an intentional fashion but rather a five-o-clock shadow fashion. You vaguely register the scent of weed, familiar to the one that lingers in the photo lab on campus after class hours. He reaches his hand out to you first.

“Hi, I’m Ren. I work in visual effects for director Akira Ko at Verve.”

Your eyes widen as you shake his hand.  “That’s amazing. I’ve studied a lot of his contemporary works, I’d love to learn more about his process.”

Ren lets a fast exhale out through his nose. “Yeah, you’ll learn a lot under him.” He pauses to shove his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Most of his assistants always do.”

“We’ve been waiting for too damn long,” Kai interjects before you could ask any questions about the assistant position, and he glances at his watch, “and there’s still a lot of people ahead of us.”

You glance around to the small groups of people gathered in front of this bar on a lively Friday night, eyes jumping from one area to the next, until a familiar silhouette catches your eye.

You see Gojo standing with Nanami and Choso a few strides away, near the lamppost. He’s mostly turned away from you, Nanami nudging his arm annoyed at something he said, and the sound of his laughter in the air makes your heart feel like it’s at stray. Like that was where you were supposed to be right now, not here.

You watch him from the distance as he sighs, shrugging his shoulders up and down slightly before crossing his arms when Choso gestures towards the entrance of the bar, and so he looks in that direction too. He’s frowning slightly and he brushes some of the hair fallen over his forehead away from his eyes, in that boyish way that makes your heart skip a beat, and you know he’s just doing it to see a little bit better, but it makes you want to cry. 

Geto walks up to them and rejoins their little circle, and holds his phone up in the air, and then there’s the melody of their voices bouncing off one another’s again. Geto rests his elbow up onto Gojo’s shoulder, leaning in a bit closer to tell him something, and when Gojo hears it, you see his entire body tense before his wide eyes are searching his surroundings, until those eyes land on you.

Your breath catches, and you hold his eye contact for only a moment before you look away, because it almost felt like too much to bear.

“What’s that folder in your hand?” Ren asks you, and you turn completely to face him so you can’t see Gojo in your periphery at all anymore.

“I just brought some of my work, for your—er, I guess Mr. Ko’s—reference if he’d like to see it after today’s…interview,” you say. “There’s a flashdrive, too.”

Ren has an amused look on his face and he shoves Kai’s shoulder with his palm. “Dude, you didn’t tell her?”

Kai shakes his head. “Tell her what?”

“Ohh, I see how it is,” Ren muses.

“What?” Kai asks, starting to sound annoyed.

Ren tips his chin up slightly to study Kai’s face, and then his look of amusement dissipates into one of understanding. “Nothing.”

“Tell me what?” you prod.

“Just that you didn’t really need to bring all of that with you,” he says. “Sorry for the trouble.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine, but if you could still give it to him—”

“I’m surprised Kai suggested someone when I asked if he knew anyone,” Junichi jumps in, “I’m used to him grumbling on and on about how shit the work is in filmmaking. Would’ve thought he’d convinced you to look the other way by now.”

You blink at the gruff man, then look at Kai, and he’s just staring down at the dirt of his shoes. “Well, we had a conversation about it. But I’m pretty set on what I want to do,” you say.

Kai lets out a scoff. “Yeah, I don’t really know how else to warn you about the shit show you’re in for, but if you want to be in debt to grad school for the next couple decades of your life, then it’s up to you.”

“Hey, jackass, try to be a bit nicer,” Ren speaks up. “She’s got some goals. Big fuckin’ deal.” He turns to you. “Although, he’s got a point sweetheart, school’s not going to get you anywhere in this industry.”

You frown. “A lot of directors I look up to went through graduate schooling. Most, I would say. I don’t understand where this rhetoric is coming from.”

“It’s coming from real people with real experience,” Ren says, and you dislike the way he takes a step closer to you to reiterate his point, “honestly, you should save yourself some time and give up on applying. It’s not worth it.”

“I’ve already put my application together,” you say, brow furrowing slightly, “I’ve asked professors for my references, spent the past four years working on my profile—” 

“But working under a director, I mean really getting to work under one, beats all of that. Which is why you’re here, right?” Ren asks, but it’s not curious, it’s testing.

You feel a sheen of sweat build at your forehead, even in this cold, and you clench your hand into a fist once, twice, thrice. You’re breathing fast, and the three sets of eyes that are staring so scrutinizingly into your soul right now have you faltering, like if they took another step forward, tried to intrude what you thought you knew one more time, you’d fall backwards over the cliff.

Suddenly, a hand wraps around your upper arm, and when you turn your head to the left, you see Gojo standing there.

“Hey,” he says to you, sparing one single sidewards glare towards Kai, who immediately averts the eye contact, before Gojo’s eyes are on you again, “can I talk to you for a second?”

You look at the three men in your circle, who suddenly adopt skittish body postures, and Gojo doesn’t really wait longer than a few seconds before he’s pulling you away from them over towards the edge of the curb towards the street.

“What?” you ask once he lets go of your arm.

“What are you doing here with those guys?” he asks.

“I’m—…why does it matter to you?” you ask.

“It matters to me because of the fucking absurd conversation I just overheard,” he says, “now answer me.”

His tone annoys you, and you cross your arms. “Are you eavesdropping?”

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” he says, taking a step forward to you, “who are those guys, and why are you here with them?”

You blink at him, furrowed brows relaxing slightly as you drop your crossed arms to your side, and you stare straight ahead at the blankness of the white t-shirt he’s wearing, as your mind runs blank to his question. Why were you here with them? Was it because you had no other plans? Was it because the opportunity sounded too good to be true, and you just had to see for yourself? Was it because you’ve been unable to sleep at night from all the stress, the financial worries, the rejection, and you just want to finally feel like you’ve done one good thing for yourself? To feel like you’re at least making one step in the right direction, no matter the cost?

“I’m here for a job interview,” you say to him. Your tone is flat, and you feel numb.

“A job interview?” he asks, with just about as much incredulity you would’ve expected to hear from him at that answer, “At a bar? How does that make any sense?”

“It…” you start, “sounded fine.”

“It sounds shady as fuck.”

“This doesn’t concern you, okay? I’m—…I’m just trying to make my goals work for me, Satoru, and I really don’t expect you to understand.”

“Why wouldn’t I understand?” he asks. There’s confusion in his voice, and maybe even a little bit of hurt.

“Because you can’t even understand how unfair and painful it is for me that you keep—” you have to purse your lips together briefly to fight back the knot in your throat, “…that you keep interfering with my life everywhere I go.”

His expression softens, and he silently stands in front of you for a moment. His eyes dart across your face, and then he reaches out to grab your hand. “Listen, if you still want to get drinks tonight, then just get drinks with us. But don’t hang out with those guys. They’re bad news, especially the dude with the flannel, and I don’t think you’re in a good place right now to see that.”

Your eyes see white fury at that, and you all but snap. Because the irony of this whole situation, is that you’re not in a good place right now because of him. Because of all the pain that he’s put you through, for promising to stay away but then always being near, for saying he doesn’t want you but then acting like he does. 

“You know what I think, Satoru?” you ask through gritted teeth, yanking your hand from his grasp.

He’s looking at you, studying. “What?”

You take a step forward, threateningly, and he takes a step back so that he steps off the curb and onto the road, and you’re at eye-level with him now. “I think that you’re jealous,” you say, eyes glaring daggers into his.

He blinks at you, almost dumbfounded for a moment before he says “what?”

“You’re just fucking jealous that I seem to be moving on after you rejected me, because for some weird reason, you think it’s okay to not want me, and yet not want me to be with anyone else,” you say, practically hissing the words. “You don’t like seeing me with any guys other than you? You don’t want to believe me when I say that I’m over you? You’re not sorry for kissing me? Even after knowing,” you take a pause to breathe, because you feel like you can’t, “even after knowing that I like you,” eyes blinking fast because you don’t want him to see you cry right now, “you know that I like you so fucking much, and that it’s hurtful, and that it’s wrong— and even after all of that, you act the same, and still won’t promise me any commitment of your own.”

He’s looking at you with an expression you can’t read, but you’ve lost all interest in trying to understand it anymore.

“You don’t want me hanging out with them?” you repeat after him, “I’m not listening to that. Because it’s possessive. And it’s wrong.”

At the mention of them, Gojo clenches his jaw. “That has nothing to do with you and me, right now. What they’re trying to convince you of doesn’t make any sense, and it won’t help you achieve your dreams either, y/n.”

“You don’t know anything about my dreams, Satoru,” you say, just to hurt him. But you think about the sincere expression on his face the first time you met him when you told him that you wanted his help with your assignment. You think about the playful nudge of his elbow that night he stayed with you on the curb, and told you that you just had to try to put yourself out there, because you couldn’t accomplish anything without facing your fears. You think about how he’s always the first to like every single one of the slideshows you post of your pictures on Instagram. You think about the adoration in his eyes, reflected off the moonlight through the hotel window, when you told him about a little cottage on the countryside, one you’ve always wanted, and those eyes told you that he was really rooting for you. “You don’t know. Because you—” there’s an echo of words in your head. Someone else’s words, not yours, “Because you’re a college athlete. And—” you let out an exhale, “and you don’t pay tuition.”

His brow furrows. There’s a beat of silence as his confusion settles in. “What?”

“You were born blessed with talent, and you’re popular, and people adore you, and you don’t have to worry about internships, or jumping from job to job just to make something of yourself,” you say, picturing your life in your head along with all the strife, “or about all of the sinking debt, and the worry, and the— and the car repair bills,” you say, almost with a scoff, eyes sheening with tears, like you’re losing your mind, “all of the fucking car repair bills.” Your chest is heaving as you shake your head. “Because you’re set for life as long as you kick a fucking ball.” 

His lips purse together, like he can tell there’s more on your tongue to say, more hurtful words, and he wants to hear you say them. And so you do.

“You’ve never had to suffer or worry about a single thing in your life. So don’t pretend like you understand what I’m trying to do here tonight,” you say, inflection signing off on the end, to tell him that you’re done. 

He stands in front of you, practically motionless except for the slow movement of his chest as he breathes. His expression, tense and hurt, softens slowly, and you see him digging his nails into the skin of his palms through fidgeting clenched fists at his sides. And then he relaxes them, too.

“Does that make you feel better?” he asks.

His question confuses you, and for some reason, regret washes over you. “What?”

“Does thinking of me that way—…does it make you feel better about all of this? Between us?”

You’re breathing fast, eyebrows pinching upwards to look at him, and the defeated expression on his face makes your heart ache. He’s waiting for an answer, and so you give him one. “Yes.”

He glances down at the ground for a moment, then at your collarbone, before meeting your gaze again. “I’m sorry. For everything. And I—” the words catch in his throat briefly, “I’ll try to leave you alone tonight.”

His use of the word try doesn’t escape you, but you give him a furtive nod, and he studies your face for a few moments before he steps back up onto the curb and walks past you. You watch him walk all the way, no longer with that confidence or conviction you’re so used to seeing in him, as he steps back into his circle, to Geto’s side. Geto gives a small glance over his shoulder to look at you with discerning eyes before looking at Gojo again, and then he’s turned away from you. 

Heavy feet drag you back to Kai, Ren, and Junichi, and you feel feverish. They mention something about the table being ready, and you nod. The bar is rustic, with more tables than barspace, and the four of you are seated and then presented with a small food menu. You’re seated next to Kai, Ren is right across from you, and Junichi is to his right. You watch a waitress usher Nanami, Choso, Geto and Gojo to one of the tables as well, two away from yours, and you forcefully blur your vision so you don’t have to catch sight of the expression on Gojo’s face.

“So,” Ren speaks up as his eyes peruse the food menu and Junichi waves the waitress over to order a round of sake, “tell me more about your experience, sweetheart.”

You blink at him, eyes feeling heavy, heart feeling heavy. “I’d prefer it if you called me by my name.”

Ren lets out a coo, and you briefly glance at Kai who’s shaking his head with a sigh. “My bad, y/n. Your experience?”

Your hands play with the folder sitting in your lap. “I started writing screenplays for small-scale directors when I was a freshman, and was greenlit on a couple into my sophomore year. One of the films I worked on, I had directing credits for, and it was nominated for best screenplay at Etoile Film Festival the year following.”

Ren swallows slightly, shifting in his chair and pushing his shoulders back, like he’s trying to establish himself now. Kai is clenching a fist on the surface of the table.

Ren clears his throat before speaking again. “Wow, okay, so you’ve actually got some serious shit going on.” His voice is a faux octave deeper. “What do you know about being a good assistant? Ever worked in customer service? Secretary?”

“Oh, I mean I have worked in customer service, but I wasn’t done sharing about my experience—” you try to say but Junichi cuts you off.

“First round’s on me,” he declares, “for bringing her out here.” He tips his chin to you and then sends Kai a glance.

A waitress brings by a bottle of sake, and Junichi begins pouring drinks into the glasses, then slides them across the table. Kai gives Ren a pointed look. 

“Don’t get too wasted,” Kai says to him as he brings his glass to his lips, “you start running that mouth of yours a little too much when you do.”

Ren grins at him and immediately knocks down the glass Junichi barely finished pouring from him in one go, and the gruff man beside him is grumbling. “Whatever you say.”

Something had been bothering you since you came here. “Wait,” you say, pointing between Kai and Ren, “do you two know each other already? Because,” you turn to look at Kai, “on the phone earlier, you sounded like you didn’t.”

Kai’s eyebrows raise in surprise, as though he’s discovered you have some skill for foresight. You glance at Ren, and he gives Kai a puzzled look.

“Uh, yeah. I’ve known Kai for years,” he says, “we go way back. We went to highschool together.”

Kai shifts a little in his chair. “Sorry. Probably forgot to mention it.”

You glance down at the glass of sake in front of you, and the way it twinkles under the lighting of the bar. You slowly bring it to your mouth, taking a small sip, and the way it coats your tongue is less than pleasing. 

“Can you tell me more about the assistant position?” you ask Ren, who’s emptied out the bottle of sake and waving someone over to order more. He already has a slightly flush to his face.

“Yeah, yeah, will do,” he says, “but first, let me tell you about what I do in visuals.”

Another round of sake is dropped by, and then another, followed by another, as Ren continues to ramble on and on about what he does for work, and how it’s entirely integral to the final piece of the film, although you’ve never really had a terrible level of appreciation for visual effects in short-film craft, since it’s hardly much work. But you wouldn’t say that, you just continue to nurse your one glass of sake as the three men surrounding you knock back more and more, and there’s slurs to their speeches now.

“Sooo, I’m so sorry, sweetheart—I mean y/n, for cuttin’ you off earlier,” he says, “but what was that experience you wanted to talk to me about?” Ren asks from across the table, and his eyes are all traveling over you.

“I…” you start, “well, I started to work with one of my professors last year, she’s a two-time Cannes Film Festival winner, and she let me under her wing for one of her projects last year.”

“Who is she? Oh wait, nevermind, probably wouldn’t have heard of her anyways,” Ren says, but when you fail to laugh, he waves his hand in the air. “Joking, joking. What’s her name?”

“Naoko. Naoko Ogigami.”

“Oh shit. I have heard of her,” Ren says, followed by a shallow hiccup. Junichi shrugs his shoulders, and when you look at Kai, he’s nodding slowly and toying with the rim of his glass with a finger.

“Yes. Well, anyways—” you start up again, before Kai sets his glass of sake down particularly loud.

“This is all bullshit. Really. I told you, filmmaking is a waste of time. Just focus on your photography, and your freelance or whatnot,” Kai says, grit to his jaw, face looking red with possibly something other than just a tipsiness. 

Ren lets out a laugh. “Fuckin’ Kai. What a pessimist. Don’t listen to him, sweetheart,” he says, slurred, and you furrow your brow at him with a glare, “sorry. Don’t listen to him. Trust me, you’ll learn a lot under Mr. Ko. He’s a suuuper nice guy.”

“What’s the compensation?” you ask. It’s a brazen question, one you’d never ask so soon in a formal interview process, but this table was hardly anything formal.

“Real good. Mmm I think like…5200 yen an hour, and then also, you get your foot in the door.”

“Oh,” you sit up a little in your chair. It was higher than most entry-level anything for undergraduates or even new grads. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he drawls when he sees you’re more interested. “Good stuff. Kai used to pick these kinds of jobs up, too, back in his college days. I remember. Although, he’s hardly Mr. Ko’s type, so I doubt he’d be any good for this one.”

Your head snaps to Ren again at his words, face tensing. 

“Tell her about what a job like this—hic—entails,” Ren says as he extends his glass out for Junichi to pour him another.

Kai glances at Ren once, and you watch him grind his teeth for a moment, and then there’s a hint of a smirk on his face.

“Oh. Y’know, clerical work. Stuff like printing scripts out,” Kai starts, Junichi filling up his glass and then he raises it into the air to watch the liquid swish around, “grabbing him coffee. Making sure his trailer is stocked.”

“Blowing him in said trailer,” Ren says. It’s something quiet, under his breath with a small laugh, where you could barely hear it across the table. But you heard it nonetheless. And your heart sinks to the core of the earth.

“Excuse me?” you say. The benefit of doubt sitting on your shoulder, watching in disbelief as well.

“He’s joking,” Kai says, quickly, “runnin’ his mouth.”

“Oh fuck off, Kai,” Ren says, throwing his hands up in the air, “don’t act like that’s not why you brought her here.”

Your head slowly turns to Kai, who can’t meet your gaze. Your eyes flicker to Junichi, who looks amused. 

Ren leans over the table, elbows resting on top, to look you straight in the eyes. He’s got a sleazy smile, and you can smell the alcohol on his breath, and he dips his tone down low enough to where you can hardly hear it over the sounds surrounding you in the bar. “That’s how you’ll make it in this industry, sweetheart. Whether you like it or not, you’ll be working under those directors until you make it.”

You stand up so fast that your chair falls behind you, hand raised in the air, and you swiftly slap the man across from you so hard across the cheek that it leaves his skin even more red than the flush from before, and your palm is stinging. 

There’s gasps all around the bar, hushed voices, eyes on you, but you don’t care. There’s not a single thing in the world you care more about right now than the anger swelled in your chest.

Ren holds his cheek, surprised, blinking like a pathetic animal. He almost looks like he’s about to cry, and you let out a scoff at the sight.

You turn to face Kai, whose eyes are wide and he’s staring up at you. Your fists are clenched at your side.

“Is this why you brought me here tonight?” you ask. Your voice is trembling, anxiety at the wake, the white anger spotting your vision. But there’s also pain. So much pain, and you’re just so fed up with all of it. “Because your belittling, condescending words weren’t enough to tear my hopes apart, so you had to humiliate me in front of your friends instead?”

Kai holds his hand up. “Woah, Canon, relax. He was just joking—…” Kai glances at Ren, who’s still holding his cheek and biting down on his lip, and then his gaze hardens. “Y’know what? It’s about fucking time you get this wake-up call, y/n. I’ve been trying to do the nice thing to steer you in the right direction, and the least you could—”

“Steer me in the right fucking direction?!” you’re yelling now, registering the way your voice echoes in the bar. “You know what I think this is all about, Kai?” You grit your teeth, “You’re a sick, stupid, sexist fuck who didn’t have the balls to go after what he wanted. So miserably pathetic that you’ve got no other fucking business than to pull people down to your level.”

Kai pinches his eyebrows together, hand on the table clenching into a fist. 

You lean down closer, an exasperated scoff leaving your lips. “Why don’t you go be his assistant instead? Since I’m sure you’re good at taking it up the ass.”

Kai’s eyes twitch, “you fucking—”

You grab his glass off the table and throw the alcohol into his face, eliciting another round of noises around the bar, and his mouth falls agape in shock before he gets up out of his chair, hand reaching out to grab for you. You close your eyes shut with a flinch to expect pain. Any sort of pain. But you don’t feel anything at all.

When you open your eyes, you see Gojo standing to your left, veins of his arm tense with the tight grip he has on Kai’s forearm, and you can see he’s practically shaking with rage. He steps in front of you, guarding, and you can’t see the expression on his face, but the fear in Kai’s eyes is enough to say it all.

“That’s enough,” he says, the clench of his jaw evident through the strain in his voice, “try to put your hands on her again, and I’ll split your fucking face in half.”

You can see Kai’s breathing pick up from where you’re peering over Gojo’s shoulder, and then Gojo shoves him backwards right as Choso kicks the fallen chair to his feet so he trips over it backwards then hits the ground with a loud and indignant thud.

Gojo’s hovering over Kai, his hands shoved in his pockets as he glares down at him, while Geto and Nanami put space between you and the other two men at your table. You feel a searing flush to your cheeks. You’re breathing fast, the peering eyes all around you are scrutinizing, looking at you with surprise, confusion, shock, and pity. Your mind is racing, and you wonder what your parents would think of all this. What your friends would think of all of this. What the people who support you would think of the fucked up situation you’ve found yourself in, and the humiliation courses so deep through your veins that you just want to run away and hide. The ground could swallow you whole right now, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

You take one step back, then another, before you turn on your heel to rush out the door into the night, and you barely register that it’s raining. You can feel your heart thumping fast in your chest and in your head, that familiar knot in your throat twisting tight as you walk fast down the street and ignore Gojo’s call of your name from behind you.

You don’t want to see anyone right now. You don’t want to be seen by anyone right now. Especially Gojo, of all people, because he was right about everything, and the fact that you had shut him down about it, and the way that you had shut him down about it makes your head numb and your breathing pick up fast.

“y/n,” you hear him call out from behind you, his pace is getting faster and so you’re resorting to longer strides as well, puddles of water splashing under your feet with every step, “just wait—”

“I’m seriously,” you start, and the tears begin to fall, “I’m seriously so, so, so, so, so fucking embarassed right now,” you gasp out the words with no air left in your lungs to breathe as you continue to run away from him, “so please, just leave me alone.”

You can picture it all in your head. Something like I told you so from his lips, because after what you’ve been put through tonight, you just want to assume the worst in people.

But just as you round the corner into an alley, feeling lost with the sight of a dead end, you feel a hand wrap around your arm and then you’re being pulled into an embrace.

Your eyes are blinking with tears streaming, your face buried in a chest that is warm, with a heart beating so fast that it’s keeping time with your own, and the fragrance that surrounds you is so painfully him that it makes you sob even more.

Strong arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, and Gojo rests his chin at the top of your head. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, and you can feel the rumble of his voice, “I just needed to stop you from running.”

Your arms are weakly raised, an outline over his torso but not yet grabbing on, until you hesitantly do. And when you hold onto him, it’s so tight and strong, and you realize that after everything between the two of you, it’s the first time you’ve been wrapped in his arms.

“I feel so stupid,” you start, already hating the words because you want to be stronger right now, but you can’t.

“You’re not stupid,” he quickly corrects you, “those guys are fucking insecure losers. You’re just trying your best. You always have, for as long as I’ve known you, and it’s something you should be proud of yourself for.”

You don’t know what to say to him, you just cling to the damp fabric of his shirt in the rain.  

“Things are going to work out for you, no matter what, because I know you’ve got what it takes and you’re willing to work hard for it,” he says, his chin nuzzling so you’re tucked into him even further, “and if things don’t work out, that’s okay, you’re strong and you’ll always get back up. And I want to be there to help you through everything.”

You pull your face from his chest to stare up at him, droplets of rain falling to your face and making you flinch occasionally. “I’m confused.”

His hand comes up to cup your face, swiping at a tear on your cheek, or maybe it was rain. “I thought that—” he starts, his thumb briefly running over the small cut still healing on your cheek, his brow furrowing, “I thought that I’d be okay with watching your life from afar, through cropped pictures on a screen,” he says, a chill running through you, “but I can’t. It’s killing me. And I’m really sorry that it took me this long to tell you this, but I like you so much and I really want to be with you.”

Your eyes widen at his words, and you don’t know how to feel. You push your face into his chest again. His thumb runs circles at your side through the dampness of your shirt.

“There are a lot of reasons I didn’t feel like I could date you, or show up for you,” he says, “but the pain of not getting to be with you, of not getting to hold you, and just share my life with you is way worse than whatever reasons I kept trying to convince myself of.”

You nod slowly, because there was a part of you deep inside that knew that all along. 

His grip on you relaxes slightly and you take that as a request from him for you to look up at him, so you do. “I know I’ve put you through a lot of pain, and I’m really not a perfect person, but if there’s room in your heart to forgive me, I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to make you feel happy and cared for.”

Your eyes study his face for sincerity. They’re words you’ve been wanting to hear, words you could’ve pictured in your head, but the adoration in his eyes makes you realize you never could’ve imagined the true sweetness of those words when they’re said from him.

You press your cheek to his chest again. You’re not crying anymore. “I’m sorry for what I said to you earlier. About kicking a soccer ball, and having it easy,” you bite down on your lip, because now there’s tears in your eyes again, “I didn’t mean it.” You sniffle a little, “I know you work hard. And it was a really mean thing to say.”

He sighs, holding you flush to himself. His cheek presses against the top of your head. “That’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

“But I do.”

There was no grudge at all. There was nothing withdrawn from you, nothing taken away as punishment. He just held onto you, exactly as you are, and you felt so safe in every second you spent in his arms.

You look up at him again. His hair is damp, strands clinging to his face in all the places they usually fall over, droplets of rain falling from his fringe onto your face and he does everything he can to wipe them away. “It’s too late,” you tell him, and he immediately knows what you’re referring to.

He just holds you closer. “I know.”

“I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” you say through a sniffle.

He knows you’re lying, and that you say it just out of spite, but he holds your head to his chest. “I know.”

“You’ll have to beg and grovel, and even then, I might not like you ever again,” you say, gripping so tightly onto his shirt for purchase, your voice sounding muffled as you breathe in the scent of him. “That’s your punishment.”

He presses a kiss to the top of your head. A firm press of his lips, lasting as he takes a few deep breaths. And then he kisses the same spot again, staying still in that position as he repeats himself.

“I know.”

--

a/n. phewww thank you for reading, i swear, this chapter felt like a goddamn war to write. my emotions were all over the damn place, i think cause i wrote from a place of bitter experience lol. i dedicate this chap to my lovely friend she’s a film major (she inspired me to create this story) and i srs wouldn’t be able to write kickoff without her 😭💕 dear M♥︎, i thought of you sm while writing this chapter, i can only hope i’ve captured even the slightest bit of the understanding i will always aim to have of you, and that you feel seen. i’m incredibly proud of you, always rooting for you, so often thinking of you, and terribly missing you so much rn (plsssssss visit meee😩💔 ) dedicated w sm love 💕 -bitchasshoe this chapter is also dedicated to anyone who’s going through a hard times n maybe just trying to figure themselves out :”) i am so proud of you, you should be so proud of yourself, there’s still so much to live and learn, and i hope the universe blesses you w everything you’ve ever wanted!! big thank u to my lovely m00t @quinnyundertow she pulled me out of my writers block for this chapter and also beta read a lot of it for me there’s only three chapters left for kickoff (i’m gonna cry just thinking ab it :”)) which doesnt sound like a lot but there’s still a lot i’ve got planned 😭 i’m just noticing that i very poorly planned the second half of this series. chapters 1-6 combined have less words than chapters 7-9 combined 😅✨ sooooo i may increase the chapters from 12 to 14 by splitting them up to make it easier on me, or just stick to the plan and come out with long chapters like the last two. idk. i’ll figure it out. thank u to everyone for reading i love you all dearly 😭💕 i’ll see you in the next one!!

➸ take me to chapter ten!

➸ wrote some kickoff headcanons here

--

taglist: @who-can-touch-my-boob @therealestpussyeater @lost-resonance @hojoslutoru @foulprincesscycle @luniunia @alekssashka7 @bsdicinindirdim @tsukikourito @getitsatoru @slut-4-gojo @cactisjuice @kissofife @tiredflame132 @cliosunshine @ethereally-lyann @btszn @prince-wyiilder @semra4 @gojosimp26 @drthymby @ninitoru @bbyxxm @fvsm4x @sadmonke @zoinks1010 @bakuhoethotski @horisdope @sykostyles @aquaberrydolphin @colouringfrogssittinginleaves @ri-sa20 @purplehallow11 @mwtsxri @ritsatoru @bxddiebloss @chwesuh-imnida @mo0nforme @viware @still-fking-single @megumisthirdog @gintokhi @karvokr @cierocanteat @imjustaweirdnerd @ronniebird @bloopsstuff @mwtsxri @witchbybirth @tetsuski @fffinskye @gh0ulkz @beabadobeee @mandysfanfics @erencvlt @laviefantasie @sukunamylovexoxo @girlkissersco @itzjuliana @yell0wdreams @1dimas7 @strayedjeno @mo0nforme @yungbloode @sullybrothersmate @oaooaoaoaoa @swagangelllamawolf @banenemilk @inniesblog

(hope i didn't miss anyone thank u all sm!!)

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[eddiegettingshot]

not to be a hypocrite as im typing this but I don't think I've ever seen this much discourse about 50s of throwaway television in my life. and maybe Im wrong but isn't the whole issue people have with that scene the fact that buck was opening up and tommy made it into a sex joke. and not the joke itself. or even if you think buck turned the conversation sexual, the issue is that they could have used that moment to develop their dynamic emotionally. and instead it was mostly just a throwaway moment. and I suppose I could understand that sort of discourse if this was a show or storyline written and made by queer men for queer men but 911 is ... not that. or even if they had put an amount of care into writing bucktommy's dynamic where Im supposed to interpret the things they say as significant for their development separately and together where a joke like that might be something meaningful to the characters/relationship then I could understand why people would be so defensive about it. but its not like them having daddy kink is going to affect the story at all. so. (also not that one tag like if buck and tommy were lesbians and queer men were weighing in on lesbian dynamics then the queer women would be pissed. like yeah ... men have been opressing women since forever... so if male fans of the show were making lesbian relationships about themselves it would be a problem. especially because lesbians are generally underrepresented in media anyways which is why a lot of queer women end up enjoying mlm ships more often that probably the other way around)

yes lol all of this. it’s so funny because “i didn’t like the scene” is not an opinion you can make sweeping claims about the root of but they are literally using the age-old tactic of “women just don’t get it” as an excuse to not consider anything outside of their bubble and they don’t even realize that this is literally like. 1950s level “women are hysterical” misogyny. and like ive been saying, this all just demonstrates a severe lack of understanding of how the world works. like arguably these opinions are pretty clear evidence of why its fucking stupid to suggest that you should Listen and Learn from someone just because they’re of a certain identity, but doubly so considering they are literally saying that we should Listen and Learn to queer men when they say women shouldn’t speak. ABOUT TWO WHITE CIS MEN ON TV WHO ARE NOT REAL AND WERE WRITTEN BY WOMEN. you could not fucking pay me money to shut up about a tv show just because a man told me i’m oppressing them (as a lesbian) if i don’t because thankfully i actually know stuff. it would be comical if people weren’t letting this slide and also like, cosigning it. but honestly the best part is the idea that queer men would give a flying fuck about a lesbian relationship anyway lmfao

[system-architect]

no one tagged me in it but i rlly wanted to do a character tag meme like ive seen ppl on my dash doing so,,, :"") here's the one that's been going around, for plex!

personally obsessed with the fact that his ingame visage is extremely babied boy and then when i draw him it reveals the fact like oh this is a very tired, awkwardly built, angular guy who's nearing 30. ok anyways, stuff below the cut!

-- B A S I C S

Name: Plex (fully titled: Infotechnist Plex)

Nicknames: (none. his handle on various console software is pl3x tho)

Age: 28

Birthday: 63 Scion 1308

Race: Asura

Gender: trans dude of some kind, he/him

Orientation: gay

Profession: he is an Inquest Technician very literally! minus the wiki bit mentioning magic since the stock npc is an ele lmao. ingame he's an engi, but as a character he has no combat skills whatsoever other than basic required training on how to use a firearm (which he hopes to never have to use)

-- P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T S

Hair: white (technically very very platinum blonde, natural)

Eyes: they're technically black with permanent yellow nightshine going on in his pupils. or irises. whatever the yellow dots are. don't worry about it.

Skin: albino (w/ light cream-tan stripe markings)

Tattoos/Scars: he's got a Y-shaped scar across his chest, and a couple of metal ports embedded on the right (viewer's left) side of his chest near his sternum, which have scarring around them

-- F A M I L Y

This section of the report has been obscured from view by the Inquest Legal Bureau at the behest of Redactor Trejj. Please contact your krewe's Overseer to initiate the proper clearance check measures if you believe this was in error. If you do not believe that it was in error, and instead that your ability to access this report whatsoever was unintended, please close the report at your earliest convenience and report to your facility's Inquisitor to be disciplined for reading this far.

-- S K I L L S

Abilities: Adept programmer with an eye for detail, and a photographic memory for numbers/strings of code specifically. Excels at combining complex pieces of information.

Hobbies: Gaming, movies/animations/shows, putting together model kits. Gets in a lot of arguments on programming and golemancy forums.

-- T R A I T S

Most positive generally helpful traits: Hard working (....usually), fast + thorough at things he puts his mind to, prefers to stay out of other people's business, good at keeping secrets, relatively open minded, has a pretty big capacity for empathy (even if he doesn't always show/use it)

Most negative generally unhelpful traits: Has a big mouth/isn't able to suppress his opinions about certain things, picky/fussy/whiny, socially awkward, tends to make interactions tense quickly, deep insecurity that bleeds over into how he acts around others, wants to 'win' things constantly, easily gets an inflated ego from said 'wins' that leads him to bite off more than he can chew after that

-- L I K E S

Colors: black LOL. also yellow (matches him!)

Smells: fresh coffee, cool rain on concrete, lemon, pine, canned air

Textures: leather and suede, soft fabrics (but not 'plush')

Drinks: coffee of course... also novelty flavor energy drinks even though they make his stomach feel like it's caving in on itself every time

-- O T H E R D E T A I L S

Smokes: lord no he'd start coughing on it

Drinks: his alcohol tolerance is about -2 so this is also a no. the man's veins and stomach lining are made of like.. tissue paper

Drugs: what do u think

Been arrested: no.. aside from being in the inquest (Which Is In Itself Literally Not A Crime) he's a fairly law abiding mild-mannered citizen lmfao. i mean he probably torrents things under a vpn but that's very low on the list of concerns for the peacemakers,

[codecicle]

If you don't mind me asking how did you get top surgery at 15? Not that there's a problem with that! Its just really cool thay you were able to, i dont think ive heard of that before

Ah, really it was all the work of my wonderful amazing mother! In all honesty, I would never be even CLOSE to being this happy if it wasn't for her and everything she did to keep me safe and let me transition. Short answer: I got lucky with living in the transgender shield of New York because my parents are rad and moved us up there

Long answer: Quite a few things actually! For starters, I was lucky enough to live in a state that allowed it, and I had proof of being dysphoric from a young age through therapy records and mental health checks. (<- not Necessary, but definitely helped my case! the government LOVESS the mentally ill lmfao) Really when medically transitioning, you need a few things on a list.

1: A letter of recommendation from a therapist (I've been through Several, so no problem there! Just need proof from a mental health professional that you are who you say you are, and you're not going to regret the change)

2: A letter from your general practioner/medical provider, signing off on the surgery (this will actually happen Several Times. but you need one to start off the whole thing)

3: If you're a minor, proof that you're fully developed puberty-wise, through a physical exam with your doctor!

Then, you take all of those to a plastic surgeon. I had an amazing doctor that took wonderful care of me and did a perfect job with the surgery, and I'd really recommend doing a metric shit-ton of research on whatever surgeon you end up choosing! The best bet most often is whatever other trans people recommend. This surgeon will then sign off on it, and you'll book some dates. In my case, there was 2 pre-op meetings! One where they looked at my chest and decided on the best procedure to use, and one where they had my mother fill out consent forms and book the date of the final surgery. (Again, assuming it's a minor like me going through this process, it's likely they haven't been through a surgery before! So there might be one more appointment with a doctor where they check your general muscle strength and how well you'll recover from the anesthetic/surgery in general. Really easy check-up, that typically functions as a less invasive physical)

It's a long, time consuming process that's very fuckin expensive lmao, but I promise you it's worth it. It's so very very worth it. I could go into all the little details of every step of the process and all the hoops I jumped through, but it can and will vary from person to person! Again, I just got very very very goddamn lucky with a family that supports me and was willing to help me as much as they have. Im the luckiest guy on the planet I'm pretty sure. Everyday I get to wake up in the body I've always wanted to have and feel amazing about it.

[mattscoquette]

i know u said u dont want kids but i cant wait to be a mom🥹 like my baby cousin is almost 5 and ive been watching her grow since i was 14 and i cant wait to have my own baby wtf

idk like i’m on the fence w wanting kids 😭😭 when im older i wanna work with kids from ages like 3-8 so i feel like that can fulfill my maternal needs LMFAO

[isthisclever]

Plaintext version of 39 Days thread

Post-episode Reddit threat on r/Survivor

blowmytorch23143: dude claire skaaaaaaated by that tribal. my heart was pounding omg

/ chrissydontwakeup: Well no way was Jeff gonna let her walk. C+J is  *the* drama this season. They’re not gonna wanna lose that. 

/ / blowmytorch23143: yeah ive beeen convinced for ages that the idols are prolly fixed to keep the faves around. some of these people its like, oh honey you did NOT find that on your own lol

/ / / ReadySurvivorOne [Top Fan]: If not purposefully, then accidentally for sure. Wentworth did a whole video after her second season about paying attention to the cameras to find hidden idols bc they always pan to the hiding spots for the ep. WILD.

damp_dreams69999: Glad they didn’t vote out claire. WHo cares if she’s a hoe shes hot

/ chipper_pippa: Misogynistic much? Do better. 

/ / damp_dreams69999: is it sxist if its true

/ GoldN_Ours: um hello did we even watch the same epp? it showed that she CLEARLY was telling the truth. old dude was creepy af

/ / damp_dreams69999: lmfao chill out its not that serious

/ / / GoldN_Ours: Claire’s convo with the bf was basically proof that she has been telling teh truth. He was dismissive and condescending, and he was WAYYY to excited that gillian and her sister were drooling all over him. mega douche and honestly, perv vibes all the way.

user1930188401: WOWOWOWOWOWWWWWW. Hate to see Phaedre leave but I’m super glad Claire survived tribal. She clearly needed to chat with her alliance tho. She wasted an idol when they had the votes already.

/ hrd2bsft: Yeahhhh that’s gonna cost her with the jury. Guess the important thing is she made it through to day 33. 

Silvvver_ lyon [Top Fan]: am I the only one who was super uncomfortable with that pre-vote convo? like…why did they have to drag her over the coals like that? 

/ user1012912318: for the views dawg

/ / Silvvver_lyon: kinda gross still idk. survivor has a misogyny problem anyway and this reeeeeally didn’t help 

yesimawitch: These suckers dont watch out, Jillian’s gonna win this game. 

/ Outplayaaaa: Right?!?! She is ALWAYS on the right side of the numbers. How???

/ whatsmyrageagain: Wonder if she knew Claire had found the idol. She was like *right there* when Claire snagged it at the challenge. That would make sense why she worked w Jamie and joe to protect her. 

/ / Outplayaaaa: I want her to win for the snark alone. 12/10 comedy.

/ / / yesimawitch: Gillian to Claire: “Fantasies aside, I don’t think the game would be a pleasant one with your two men at my back.” I C O N I C. 

justhereforthekarma12313: Am I the only one who hates J & C not talking?? God I know its all tv and its probably fake anyway but the way that man looks at her…

/ Heiiiidiiiii_isonreddit [Top Fan]: I want it to be real so bad. If they come back after the show and it was all an act imma riot

/ / user12334481: I’ll bring the pitchforks, you bring the torches

/ / / Tooney___lunes: I’ll bring snacks. all good riots needs snacks.

/ Levi_not_the_jeans: The way *he* looks at *her*??? If I had a woman who looked at me the way Claire does to Jamey…well…I’d still be gay af but I’d feel very good about myself ok?

angels__wear_red: *sigh* these two idiots make me believe in love. please for the loVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND JOYFUL DON’T CRUSH MY DREAMS!!!1

Read the newest update to 39 Days here.

[swampgallows]

so i was reading both of your posts on the orcish language in wow cuz you posted them both in the yamyell discord (hehe) and it made me think about thrall and his upbringing as an orc raised by humans, and how he might have struggled with speaking common. obviously thrall would still have the same limitations as other orcs with his jaw shape/position being different to humans and his tusks being in the way, making consonants like m, p, b and maybe even v really hard to make…but i'm also thinking maybe because common was the first language he learned to speak, he may have been able to adapt/learn faster cuz he was given no other choice and was sort've forced to adapt to the language in other ways? what do you think? :]

orc language posts are here (pronunciation) and here (Orcish linguistics).

I think so too! Since it was his native tongue I think he probably managed to work around it. If anything, maybe his actual physiology changed a bit as he grew to accommodate it since he was using certain muscles to speak that he otherwise wouldn't have. i don't have any actual linguist knowledge aside from a couple of things ive read in the past but that seems to be the case with certain languages. for instance, a lot of people can't roll their Rs or whistle or things like that, but chances are if their language required that to speak it properly, they'd be able to do it (barring physical conditions). or like this great tumblr story of a Deaf woman who speaks with a brooklyn accent because she learned by watching mouth movements, so the physical positioning of her mouth and lips affected how she pronounced the words. or how even in short instances of isolation, new accents can develop due to environmental and biological factors, as it did for astronauts on the moon or members of an antarctic expedition. chances are that thrall has a very specific kind of common accent, and i wouldn't be surprised if orcs among his original horde developed this kind of accent alongside him due both to their facial structure and learning from thrall's example.

@shamanofthewilds also makes a great point about how most of azeroth probably speaks "common" anyway, and that both different human kingdoms and orc clans probably have their own languages but were speaking "common" as early as the second war. @mrpinchy also has a great post about azerothian sign language here, and how different digits and worlds affected common sign.

it's hard to say how canon this is because blizzard characterizations rarely maintain any consistency, but thrall's smaller tusks and more upright posture could be due to human influence affecting his physical development. in comparison, wod!grom's tusks are almost as tall as his nose. i tried to get a similar angle to show that even though their heads are tilted upward, grom's tusks are significantly longer.

head on, compare thrall's tusks (center) also to grom (left) or saurfang (right), orcs born and raised on draenor (au and mu). thrall's tusks are much more prominent in his in-game model, but since the hi res cinematics are all custom, giving thrall smaller tusks here seems a more deliberate choice. (also i arranged the images like this so that you can click them and it's not just three orcs staring you down while youre scrolling lmfao).

there could also be an age factor involved since saurfang and grom are older orcs, but i'd wager that thrall now is about as old as wod!grom is/was during warlords. there also isn't a lot of lore on whether or not orcs alter their tusks (e.g. shave them down hellboy style) save for accessories or piercing, but in that case it could be a cosmetic choice thrall makes too especially for diplomacy's sake.

anyway yeah i think you're right! i like to believe thrall's upbringing affected not only his linguistic but physiological development from being raised by and around humans speaking common.

[impishcyber]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞... 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞?

Jigen Daisuke x Fem! Reader

Cw: mayhaps a bit of an ooc Jigen| age gap (reader is around 25 while jigen is supposedly late 30s)| humping| reader being way too much of a brat| brat tamer jigen| semi exhibition?| Fingering (receiving)| VnP penetration| degradation| bondage with unconventional items| and as always Unedited

A/N: this man is the bane of my existence since the ripe age of 9. I watched this show on a children's tv channel. I know nobody will care ab this, but doing this to heal my horny soul. This has been written truly for my guilty pleasure of old men. Can this be considered as a fic? Idfk i never figured out how this works

Additional: Credits to @Dali91 on character ai, after fucking around in there i was able to come up with this lmfao, for anyone who wants to use it heres the link:

https://beta.character.ai/chat?char=h0rLehid-dfaBpz8Xx6Aa8G1bv1MydYKtGIxdRQ5ZdU

You were an intel of sorts.. you gather information and sell it to the others for a large amount of money. Somehow, you managed to tangle yourself with Lupin and his one of the many of his shenanigans

So now you find yourself in an office room with large windows that have the full beautiful view of the city, with the most annoying gunman known in earth.

Jigen was on the other side of the room, feet on the very same table and just keept smoking while keeping a lookout with his sniper resting low on the window

When lupin grouped you together he keept grumbling about having to work with you, and now he still doesnt seem to like you..

"So whats your deal huh? What did i do to you??" You ask as you try to make him look at you in the eye, his feroda making it impossible to even make out his features

"What do you mean.." he grumbled as now he crossed his arms like a fussy child, still avoiding eye contact.

"You quite literally said 'Women are all the same, theyre all trouble', what did you excatly mean by that huh?" You march towards the chair he was sitting on with hands on your hips

"All the women ive met are full of trouble.." he grumbles as he turns his body to the other side completely avoiding you

You huff and sit on the table, while you rest tour hands on the table you lower to almost his head level "And what are you then, a misogynist?" you giggle out as you see quite literally his body go rigid

"What? No! Its just my personal policy.." he yelps out as he tries to get out of the situation he roped himself in and failing

You make an unamused smile as you raise your eyebrow and cross your arms "So you are a misogynist.."

"No, and stop putting words in my mouth!" He yells out as he grumbles about how annoying you are and starts looking through the scope of the sniper

There is a beat of a silence before you get an idea how to annoy the old man even more. You jump off of the table and start looking out of the window with a neutral face, then the expression truns into a concentrated one as you then gasp in faux shock

"Hey are you seeing this? What is that?" You tap on the glass of the wide window as you catch Jigen's attention "Wha- where, what do you mean.." he picks up the rifle and turns to look at where youre pointing

"Riiiiight.... There!" You snatch his hat as you take a few steps backwards giving him time to react to what just happened

"Hey wha- What the hell are you doing!?" He raises up from the spot he took hours ago as he pulls out his hand towars you "Give that back!"

"Ah so thats what you look like! Not bad old man youre quite handsome~" you wink as you take a few more steps back and make a run for it throughout the door of the meeting office you both occupied

"Get back here! This isnt funny we have a job to do!" You hear him yell on the ither end of the corridor as you run through it, opening a random office door and then as soon as you try to close it, Jigen blocks it

"Alright you brat.. no more games. we've got a job to do.. give. me. that. hat..." he heaves as he blocks out your only escape, as he slowly walks into the room

"Well you know what they say old man.. you gotta catch me first!" You laugh out as you circle a big mahogany office table, trying to avoid him. You dart from left to right, not allowing Jigen to grab onto anything of you

You book it to the left as he starts circling the table on your right but you fail to realize how close he was, because he then grabs onto the belt loops of your jeans trying to pull you towards him and you both fall on the ground

You try to push him away with you left hand, blocking his face while your right one has the hat away from him, your knees on his stomach trying to give you some sort of a space away from him but it only allowed him to part your legs to get closer to your upper body, sitting on his knees while now your thighs are over his

He then catches both of your wrists with his right arm while his left one on the side of your head for support. You grunt out in frustration as now you plant both of your feet on the ground, pushing forward with your hip to try and trample him off of you

"Get off of me!" You push forward but to no avail, though the friction of your jeans and his hips humping into you causes your breath to waver and your heartbeat to speed up. Jigen snatches his feroda away from you and puts it on his head before grinning down on you as he sat on his knees "Not fair dude!"

You try and push forward, but with the compromising position and proximity, it only causes your core to rub against your jeans and his slacks and forming hard-on.

"Youre a brat you know that?" Jigen pants out as he leans down towards now even more friction between you, causing your cheeks to start warming up "The fuck is wrong with you we're supposed to do a job.."

It finally dawns upon you the situation you both are in, but you cant help being extremely turned on by this. The way both of your hips grind on eachother deliciously causes you to whine lowly. You look down where your hips colide to see the growing tent jigen has. You look up at him and clear your throat, you smirk a mischievous smile before you speak

"Well you're not that great either.."

You nod to where the problem is and he looks down to see his cock rock hard from the friction. He look up at you dangerously and be groans out before releasing your wrists and pulls you down even harder to where his hips are. That makes you gasp in arousal and shock as your eyes become as wide as saucer plates. The dudden friction causes to pull out an even louder whine, the heat now even hotter on your face.

"Is this what you really wanted you little fucking brat?" He grits between his teeth, a blush forming on his cheeks. You mewl in response as now the intention was purposeful, you rutt onto his hips, an airy giggle leaving your lips "Is that all you've got old man?"

Jigen becomes completely flustered by your actions, the man cant control his emotions anymore, arousal and fustration getting the best of him now as he leans close to your ear the low tone viberates your whole head as he speaks "You sure you want this? Once we start there's nothig thats going to stop me from teaching you a lesson that you'll never forget.. bratty little slut."

The grinding becomes unbearable as you throw your head back a fustrated moan leaving your lips "Please- please stop fucking teasing me- please fuuuuck-" your clit catches on the lining of the jeans that are mostlikely soaked by slick.

Jigen couldnt believe what was happening. You made him lose his composure and dignity, humping on you like a horny dog. His eyes darkened with lust as he humps on you even harder than before, your moans growing lowder echoing in the empty office as your eyes roll to the back of your head from the intense pleasure.

He couldn't handle it anymore, with a low groan he pushed you off on the floor, catching you by surprise. He angrily removes his belt as he then grabs you by your bicep pulling you up before pushing you towards the office table, your cheek mushing onto the surface as Jigen grabs both of your wrists from behind and ties them up with the belt. He leans down, taking your scent in, his hot breath fans out on your ear,

"You little fucking tease.." you shrudder at the words, you cant help but arch your back your ass sticking out even more, begging for some sort of an attention from him, not having enough of what happened before. You turn to face Jigen, a fake pout forming on your lips as your eyes cloud with lust "Come on~ i know you can do more than this"

Jigen then grips the back of your neck and pushed you down even more on the table, he comes behind you, grinding on your core

"You really, really know how to push someone's buttons.." you only smirk as you hump on his hard covered cock, driving the idea fully to the point

Jigen then releases his grip from your neck and wrists and backs away a little, he then undoes the belt around your wrists to tie it around your neck and then undoes his tie to bind your wrists. He leaves out a satisfied grunt only to undo your pants to pull them down, then a sharp smack on your behind directly on your covered pussy

You yelp out, Jigen then grabs the makeshift collar and pulls it, making you choke on it a little. He then falls on his knees and grips your hips, pulling them forward towards his face. He takes a strong inhale, taking in the scent of your arousal and covered pussy, that makes your whole spine shake with a new found feeling.

He gets up, chucking at your shocked face as you look at him from the side, then the shock completely wipes out to pain mixed with arousal as he gives your pussy another smack.

"Say one more thing and i will make you regret it" He then pulls your panties down revealing your soaked cunt and lowly whistling, he then rubs a finger to your cunt, the slick glimmering in the night. Jigen then brings it to his mouth, tasting your excitement and humming lowly with content.

"With how bitter you act, you sure do taste as sweet as honey"

"Then why dont you come and get a better taste?"

You wiggle out your ass, looking at Jigen in the eye before gasping as now another even harsher smack comes down directly on your naked pussy

"What did i say huh?" He pulls on the belt wrapped around your neck, pulling you off of the table making you choke as the belt digs into your neck deliciously

"Do i have to teach you how to behave you little brat?" He then lets go of the belt enough to make you fall on the table again, but doesnt let go fully of the belt his hand resting beside your head

"Maybe i should give you a lesson you will never forget.." he then smacks you another time on the pussy before plunging his middle finger and pointer inside your cunt, exploring the place

The movements leave you gasping for air. His long figers hitting the same spot over and over again. Fillthy sounds of your moaning and slick sounds of your cunt echo through the room as then Jigen pulls the leash again, lifting your face to be on his eye level.

He then circles your clit with his thumb, a smirk forming on his lips as your eyes roll back and your tongue rolls out like a panting dog, from extreme pleasure or suffocation neither of you know.

He then all together lets go of the leash and pulls his fingers out of you, putting both of them in his mouth, a guttural moan leaving his chest as he tastes you.

"Cant fucking get enough of this sweet pussy, though i have no patience to fully devour you tonight, we have a job to do afterall" with that he pulls his dress pants and boxers down, rubbing his tip on your pussy intentionally catching it on your clit making you shrudder.

He then lines his cock to your entrance and slowly sliding in only to slam his hips onto yours making you scream. He grabs on the leash pulling you close to his chest as his other hand circles around your stomach

"Don't you dare to fucking think for a second that im going to be nice about this. With all the stunt you fucking pulled you'll be glad that ill let you finish" his words drill into your head and it only makes you throb a louder moan escaping you as you turn your head to the side to look up at him

"Do your fucking worst, im into it" that makes him snap as he pins you on the table his hips snapping on to your even faster than before, all you can do is scream in full ecstasy from the intense pleasure.

You feel his pace waver, hes coming close but youre even closer as your leg starts to twitch and tears run down your face. Jigen then leans forward a hand goes down between your thighs and he starts to circle your clit, making you throw you head back and moan out his name

"That's it you fucking brat, this is what you wanted isnt it? To fuck you thoroughly so that the only thing you can think of is how my cock drills into your tight pussy? Come on now, cum on my cock you little slut"

And you do, a silent moan as then a groan pulls out of you, making you arch your back and your vision turns white. Jigen isnt far behind, he pulls out and cums all over your back and ass, as he heaves out in exhaustion

As you two catch your breaths Jigen pulls his pants on and removes both his belt and tie, putting them back on where they belonged, he then grabs tissue papers that were on the desk of the office and wipes all his cum off of you and helps you stand up.

He then pulls your panties and jeans up, making you look as presentable as you can be. He stops to look at your neck, a bruise forming because of the belt, he can only chuckle and leans down to kiss it better making butterflies swarm on your belly from the gentle act

"Hello? Hellooooo? Jigen buddy are you there??" Lupins voice suddenly breaks comfortable the silence through the walkie-talkie that Jigen had strappen on his pants, making you realize the situation that you two are in right now.

He scrambles to get the device, almost falling off of his hands multiple times before responding "Lupin! Whats the matter? Did you find what we were looking for" his out of breath response makes you giggle as Jigen gives you a teasing but warning look

"I sure did old friend! Though you've gotta tell me, what were those sounds coming off of your end? If it is what i think it is-" jigen doesnt let him finish as his face turns beet red

"Shut up! Were both coming downstairs now!"

Jigen then turns off the walkie-talkie as he looks at you and starts laughing out loud, making you break into a fit of airy giggles too

"Come on now brat, if hes done with the job that means cops are on their way... Can you walk or do i have to carry ya?" He smirks down at you, his handsome stare makes you fluster as you push him away and look the other way

"Shut the fuck up. Lets get this over with." "Whatever you say, brat."

Oh did you two have alot to answer for.

[foolsocracy]

I love felicia. Why is she written like that. How is she so badly and well written simultaneously. I hate it. I hate her. Its bad. Its good. Why did they make her sleep with noir. Why is she reduced to an object. She's so much more than this and I know it. She's more than her relationships with men. But also they're so vital to her in ways no one understands. I'm crazy about her.

felica is unknowable. she is an enigma but ive been itching to talk about her.

There's a lot about her that I do really like! She has great bones for a complex character and if there was more source material I feel like she could have had more time to be understood and explored.

I really really wish that there was another woman present she could have riffed with. Spider noir is a man-fest which makes her really man-centric because thats all she's got to work with. Its a huge disservice! I do understand that nightclub life and working with powerful NY politicians and criminals will lend itself towards men, but come on now. Easy spot to throw Gwen into (fanfics love to do it lol), or even swapping the gender of someone else like they did with Jean DeWolfe.

I love that she runs a speakeasy which lets her get right in the middle of soo much information. And historically this can pull really well from 1920s hostesses.

In fact, one of the most highly developed skills of nightclub hostesses in New York was their ability to fleece unsuspecting customers. Trained by their bosses "to get as much information as possible from prospective suckers regarding their bank accounts and business," hostesses come on to male patrons with the express goal of "mounting the check." "After enough money is spent," one hostess recounted [...], the goal is to get "the sucker drunk and the works [will] follow." (Dry Manhattan)

[at high end speakeasies] these hostesses earned tips and commissions on the checks they mounted, often as much as one-third of the total, which could bring them from $150 to $400 a week. (Dry Manhattan)

And this was during a time when the average yearly income was $3,269.40. I could totally see her finding her way like that in the early 20s before opening up a place for herself w/ all that money. The only shitty part is it makes her an accessory to men, plus w most of the story being told from Peter's POV we aren't privy to her thoughts. I think because she's basically the only woman with agency that her narrative relationship with men is so bad tasting.

Her character has so much beneath the surface. She knows everything about everyone!! and we never get to see it because she's jaded and secretive and doesn't trust anyone like that, especially not a dumbass teenager with a death wish.

AND HER RELATIONSHIP WITH PETER. don't even get me started. 1) WHY? They didn't have to go there. I know I know its a noir trope. As per the BBC the first rule of Film Noir is "A Dame With a Past and a Hero With No Future." And the Spiderman Noir team committed to it. If only they didn't commit so hard to Felica making multiple comments about how much of a kid Peter was after she was introduced as his mentor's ex. There has to be at least like 15yrs of an age difference between them.

but theres also the flip side that the noirverse is obviously fucked. Media doesn't have to be 100% moral and whatnot (especially in a noir setting), but it doesn't mean i have to root for pete and felica as a romantic couple LMFAO. Ive seen people rewrite their relationship as the strangest, oddest, most fucked up dysfunctional family and you know what i'll take that.

even having that aspect of her character being something where its telling of her past/present, where she doesn't know how to separate pete, a (frankly) dangerous person she needs to keep tabs on and know his secrets, from everyone else she works with. She's been so deeply enveloped by her need to keep herself one step ahead, to have physical power over another in any way (the only way) she knows how, that this is the means she resorts to. but of course we dont know any of that because they didn't bother delving into her more. it does make for a dimensional character at the very least. now if only she wasn't the only main woman.. so that character arc doesn't seem so sexist. and if only pete wasnt so fucking young my gooodddd. but thats what we're working with. such is life

[abrahamvanhelsings]

CURRY. hi, it's me again just realized i should also have asked for metternich/rossini (i am 100% serious)

going to give you a 100% serious answer. do i think they fucked? not historically but do i think in another world they might have? by god. yes. i am not exaggerating when i say that metternich was genuinely one of rossini's biggest fans, and that's saying something bc rossini had half of europe eating from the palm of his hand at the height of his popularity. i haven't read much on their interactions, and i think there's nothing on their... situationship specifically. they're briefly mentioned in various literature, and im not sure where the primary sources concerning their relationship (like letters) can be found. it's kind of hard to get a good grip on what they were to each other, bc one author will simply say that rossini was metternich's favourite composer and then another will say they were friends. however i read an article on metternich's use of music in diplomatic settings recently, Damien Mahiet, 'The Musical Diplomacy of Metternich', Diplomatica 3:2 (2018), and that really got me thinking abt how they could've been something. in my mind. for real. going to add some screenshots here:

It's clear from this article at least that they interacted on a level that, to me, goes beyond 'guy who hired another guy', but that they really talked about music together. also, not unimportant to mention that metternich played the violin as an amateur himself, so he really did know what he was about! this is what i mean when i say they interacted on a more casual level:

extremely funny to me that rossini would complain abt this to metternich, like the gossip... these two were hitting it off. what's also really important to me is how metternich wrote abt rossini to dorothea lieven (the wife of the russian ambassador in london who he had a situationship with, also btw a very interesting woman bc politically she was arguably a more influential figure than her husband the ambassador):

"a very nice chap"

"he consistently touches a sensitive string in my heart" :')

metternich going 'fuck beethoven his vibes are miserable and his music repetitive. rossini is everything to me btw' has me on the floor lmfao?

"a lifelong passion for the work of rossini in particular"

rossini saying that metternich really understood music >> they were talking deep into the night i know it

in a wild turn of events metternich hated court life and the public, societal nature associated with politics and diplomacy. he really much preferred to be at home with his wife and children (and to have long conversations through letters with his mistresses, which is a whole other interesting aspect of his life, but before anyone starts making assumptions, i must state he was also happily married to his wives - id have to make a whole post abt early 19th century upper class relationship conventions and metternich's specific ideas on love to dive into this). but ?? to say abt listening to music, and apparently rossini's music in particular in such public settings, "i live in a moment when the rays of the sun enter the darkness of my jail" ?????

also there's these other bits that show metternich was SUCH a fan like he really did everything to get rossini to perform at places. and partly this was bc of his diplomatic efforts through music, of course, but that he chose rossini in particular is bc he thought he was the god of harmony and thee best person for the job. and i like to imagine he also wanted to talk to his bestie in person:

and ROSSINI STILL WROTE TO METTERNICH IN 1858 talking abt "the brilliant days" and their friendship from almost 40 years ago. brother.

so there's this for the historical aspect of their relationship. now it's of course also very interesting to me that metternich was considered to be very attractive by standards of the time, plus he was abt 20 years rossini's senior which :) i love me an age gap (and so did metternich's third wife as ive shown you lol). lot of ways to do something very interesting with this whole dynamic. plus i think there's plenty of room for angst if we consider metternich's conservative policies against rossini's politics which are always kind of... ambiguous, but there's a lot to say abt the opera's he created and what did and did not shine through in those. also the fact that despite whatever political differences they had it clearly did not prevent them from being friends bc of the power of music <3

[blackvahana]

Finally figured out (part of) why Lev wanted to get me to play No Man's Sky and Reka (Baba Yaga apprentice game. It's a cute and funky indie game) despite the fact that I don't buy or play games lmfao

I was playing Reka... Weirdly had the thought "this feels like it's a new home". Odd because. I was not feeling at home in the game. Anyway. Yeah. Moving fucking house

There was an issue I was running up against irt the construction of ANVD where it exists outside of linear time. I tried for a few days there if piercing the veil of time so to speak which... the major issue was just I have not been taking care of myself lmfao and ignoring my own needs for ages now and my self pushes back against that, but.. I know theres a version of my house in a "future" (ANVD time) place... I couldn't get through the. what im just going to call the white veil. more so its the colour i associate with Grey, a really light, spring rain cloud grey, grey matter of the brain, but anyway. The time thing... I kept coming across the branching tree (metaphorical) holding periods of time like clumps of dirt between roots, and navigating it, or rather being put in front of it was a little... uh. it made existing pointless. i had no ties to any one time, I felt like entering one or the other(s) would just be an arbitrary choice to denounce most times in favour of one time and. yeah. no. I have shit to do wrt looking after myself, so Im stepping back from looking at the tree

I feel like ANVD where I live now is sort of. in-between the cracks of lived-in ANVD, which isn't a thing yet... I sort of live in this Void-mirroring - not Void-like - or more so Perceptual between-the-cracks.... I dont know how to put it in English. i live in a specific version of ANVD thats very much a thing, but its hollow and sterile as I have designed. I live I guess in a "part" of it that is within the snail shell, it is the snail. Point being that i attempt to keep myself away from whats coming, and like to keep it that way, hence why the Sky between the waters has in itself something that separates sky from sky and thats where i live. or. not? I dont get it, admittedly. I get it, but I've been chasing my own thoughts about this for months now lmfao

anyway. There was this sort of inference that the house should exist outside of time, or. look. I'll get to the point: A moving house is exactly what the fuck I've needed for so long now. It solves the problem of roaming, of moving through times, of being detached from the world, and so. In my mind it works like this: There's the house proper and the house that roams the world, sort of like the outside of the house exists in movement (probably a room of the house proper since the house is, as ive seen through time, becoming a fucking huge but neat fortress), pulled by mechanical animals. The house proper exists in this timeless spaceless sort of pocket in ANVD - probably existing like that with the windows leading out into ANVD. Im not entirely sure on it, because some part of me thinks i need to course-correct future me's decision to isolate the house from reality itself - but also. i dont. the black sea of RTG exists in ANVD and the house is within/across it which was planned, thanks very much past me, ugh. Ill figure it out.

Either way, it also solves the problem arising from Black and Red being absolutely nomadic by nature, and. i. look. my heart longs for nomadic life in a way i cannot describe. its Bliss, Ananda, it's blooming, it's my purpose, it's (etc emotions that are condensed to a mockery of their actual depths by putting them into words), so Im guessing this is just how it needs to be

also yes, howl Moving Castle is a mood