#ive been trying to get tumblr to make this not look like shit for 20 min and i give up
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Abigail Boreen turns Toronto's defense inside out · December 21, 2024
#Abigail Boreen#ive been trying to get tumblr to make this not look like shit for 20 min and i give up#montréal victoire#montreal victoire#pwhl
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WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.
more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.
i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?
What are these acronyms?
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january 2nd 2024
welcome! to my first tumblr post since 2016! its been a hot min...
a little bit about me !
got the sudden urge to start an online diary, i missed being able to just rant and post something without worrying about wtf ppl i know think (the feminine urge to have an anonymous online presence) and also wanted to be able to just rant and talk myself though things and look back on stuff later (aka just a diary but i can type way faster than i can handwrite bullshit out)
(currently) 20 and in my second year of university, going for a bfa in painting and a double major in history (i love every second but god its killing me)
im rlly into punk/emo/alt/rock music, will def be posting recs that nobody will ever look at but itll make me feel better to scream into the void about it
also! rlly into fantasy novels (not in an acotar way but in a blood and war and politics way)(tho dont get me wrong i LOVE a good fantasy romance but it must be done right)
i absolutely love art! trying to get more comfortable with the idea of calling myself an artist (duh bitch ur literally an art major ofc ur an artist) (the art school imposter syndrome is so real) its hard to feel like ive crossed the line from a kid trying to imitate and act like shes an artist into someone who actually is an artist and does that shit seriously (but thats a whole can of worms for a new post entirely)
(i guess i also fucking love to over use parenthesis too?)(you learn something new about yourself everyday)
most of my art is centered around themes of nostalgia and the passage of time and other bittersweet feelings like that (when does normalcy become nostalgia?) (<- as a guiding question for my work) sometimes its about things as simple as physical changes, preference changes, or evolution (in abstract terms) or other times the ideas get more complex but im horrible at explaining it in actual words instead of trying to communicate it just through the painting itself and feelings (need to get better at that)
and yeah! thats about all I can think about rn..
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art summaries from this year and the last !! 21-22 !!
and here's some more commentary for 2022 because i will be more annoying this year
January - not a lot happening. i was asking for art reqs and NO ONE had ideas
February - MOEL SEKIYU TUMBLR BRANCH TOHRU ADACHI BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION?
March - 3/20 YEAH WAHOOO YEAAAH
April - lots of messing around this month. my merch came in the mail though !!!
May - PXDN ERA but i answered the teddie in a dress ask from like. two months prior
June - * didnt post this anyway i was messing around with csp. i really like the marker
July - * DIDNT POST THIS EITHER but one idol's stage costume looked like sho colors. it was funny in the moment
August - * DIDNT FUCKING POST THIS EITHER I HAVE NO IDEA anyway i just think theyre very important
September - * HOW MANY BIG PIECES HAVE I NOT BEEN POSTING HERE WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DO I EVEN SHARE THEM ANYWAY MAKING THIS WAS REALLY SAD CHIZUSAN WAS RETIRING AND DELETED HER SOCIALS ohh right my mimbot
October - I was trying out watercolors (the brush) and MARIE HALLOWEEN 2022 !!!
November - pocky day :] except it's jagariko
December - new year's art !! ive been wanting to draw blorbo to sogabe's new year art from the manga so here it is !!! sorry for no christmas holiday art
and here’s the love letter ive been meaning to write all the way back in august. it’s a bit personal but also vague . I am speaking from a soapbox next to a quiet intersection and pouring my heart out
im happy to see how ive improved throughout the years, and in some aspects stayed completely the same apparently. ve been jumping around 1000 brushes and 10000 more art styles ive never stayed consistent because I wanted something new and all I had was myself ! so apparently it became whatever happened here.
It’s true I had a lot more steam last year when it came to pumping art out but I think im also glad I did less art this year in a way. I’ll admit a lot of last year was fueled by chasing people and a way to reach the top and get my voice heard I felt like I was fighting for my life but im not too sure how it looked like from the outside. It’s also been fueled by spite which made me incredibly tired and something im glad I stopped utilizing this year. That I learned my boundaries and maintained them as peacefully as I am now.
Sure im a lot more tired but I think the pace im taking is a bit better in it’s own way too. I really wish I could’ve done more this year but when I look at it from afar I guess im still chasing things, too. Maybe not something new and I never really aimed for fame or anything. Maybe I just wanted to keep what I already have?
2021 I’ll confess was also a pile of shit and I guess 2022 was the year of my digging it all away and I’m not done yet. But as long as there’s progress that’s good enough for me. I’m glad I’ve been able to do all these things than not do them at all. But sometimes I wish I could relearn the restraint I had from before.
I never wanted to put a dark stain on the things I love so as long as I ground myself and remind myself why im here I can see the light and remember why I love theses things. I’m speaking in a very vague manner and I am relating this to my time in fandom as cheesy as it sounds, but also personally, I guess.
Imagine it like im talking on a soapbox right now when I say im really glad for the time I’ve spent here—while all of it isn’t the best that could’ve happened and the fault of my own shortcomings—I still treasure it. I love all the people I’ve met and the community I’ve formed and I guess there’s this fear of losing things since I’m afraid I can’t get them back, that I haven’t learned how to even connect better anymore. I really dont want this to sound like someone died lol but I really am genuinely grateful for all the time ive spent with people and how they considered me their friend and how theyre my friend and how they just moved on to other things and im stuck in a box ive put myself in that makes it so hard to be heard I stopped talking anyway.
To those who met me this year, or last year, or the year before that, or knew me before this gas station, and still are here somehow: thank you. For your kindness, for your tags, for your asks, for your replies, for your messages, for your discords, for your writing, for your art and for everything you’ve offered me. I always mean my gratitude from the bottom of my heart and I want to stop being afraid that it doesn’t show.
If this year brings more “Mim” then so be it. I’m happy you find joy in the silly nickname and all the love behind it no matter how silly it is. And even if I drift away or we all drift apart, I treasure every memory and sometimes cry over it at night. I wish 2023 would be nice to all of us and the years after.
#kommento#arttag#// sorry for the sob story when i said id pour my heart out i didnt think id get that far#// well even if you dont read it . it's like a sealed letter you can keep like a lucky charm or something i like to think#// that theres a lot of love inside it's just radiating#// sorry just prepping for the horrors now that the holiday season is over im really distressed#// but i thank you all for the year and that i hope you get better that i get better no matter how little that better is#// i just hope it's a lot.#// and i will literally keep saying the same thing 100000000000 times and mean it every single time
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Even with all of this experience, there’s only one place that he’s truly come to love, and that’s Queen B’s Honey Company.
NAUR THESE FIRST THREE PARAGRAPHS TOOK ME OUT GOSH IVE FUCKING MISSED A GOOD OL KPOP FANFIC THAT JUST TRANSPORTS YOU INTO A WORLD THAT HAS NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH KPOP SO PRETTY SO WELL WRITEN SO VIVD HAS ME CRAZYYY
also the fact tumblr refused to let me reblog this on mobile is so L of them
Housing a wide array of honey, in sticks, jars, canisters and tubs, the honey shop has everything a bear like John could ever need, and that’s not even including all the hand made pottery that sits on the top shelves. Plants are speckled here and there, adding a floral scent to the sweetness in the air that’s inherent to the Queen B establishment.
HONEEEEEEEEYYYY STICKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS IM DEVASTATED
Johnny might be a big shot club owner and entrepreneur by night, but by day - especially in the comfort of Queen B’s - Johnny sees himself as more of a calm dude just trying to support a local business. Despite his attraction to you, he’d hate to put himself out there and make you uncomfortable - at your workplace no less - so in the months he’s been frequenting your establishment, your short interactions have only ever pertained to honey, and he can live with that.
NAH CUZ IVE BEEN READING DISGUSTING FILTHY YUCKY GROTY FICS (AFFECTIONATE) IVE FORGOTTEN WHAT THIS FELT LIKE
“We’ve got new honey sticks,” you tell him, as you come to join him by the front display. He loves how you know what he normally buys, that you remember him so well.
MOTHER I LOVE HIM
You're a woman after his own heart…and maybe also his money, but Johnny can never tell if your interest in him is beyond that of a professional.
ASK;JFGASFG;ASFGFASFKLASF ASALSO HIS MONEY NAURRRRRRRRRR COMEDIAN JOHN FTW
He wonders again if that’s all he is to you, a regular, and Johnny finds himself putting his hands in the pockets of his dress pants, fiddling with the golden ring on his thumb. “It’s nice to be taken care of,” he says finally.
“Can I-” your voice draws his eyes, and he wonders what you might ask him. This is not part of your normal interactions, and he holds his breath waiting to see what might come of it. “Never mind, it’s probably a stupid question.”
Johnny nods, looking around the perfect store. “Yeah. There’s a lot of expensive stuff in here, the pottery, the displays- I didn’t want to bring her in and be a bother so usually I pick stuff up before going to grab her from her school. It’s my day to babysit,” he explains, “and it’s nice to start it off with a little goodie bag.”
iM DEVASTATED I WILL NEVER RECOVER NEVER COPE
“Most little girls like bows, Uncle Big Bear,” you tell him, reaching for the yellow ribbons next to the register. But then your hands freeze. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just called you Uncle Big Bear-”
OK THATS WHY THERE WAS AN UNCLE TAG HOUSE OF THE DRAGON HAS FOREVER RUINED ME I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA HAVE SOME WEIRD SHIT I WAS NOT READY FOR BUT IM GLAD I DENIED IT HAHAHHAHHAHA
“Trust me, It’s okay,” he tells you again. “Look, if you really feel bad about it, you can call me Johnny. You can say ‘most little girls like bows, Johnny’ and that will be fine by me. How’s that sound?”
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL
“Slow down there, cub,” Johnny laughs, bending down to lift his niece up so she can see the display better. “We’ve got all the time in the world to make your choices, right?”
SLOW DOWN THERE CUB. FUCKING SHOOT ME.
“I loved it, see!” She thrusts out her hand, and you find the yellow ribbon wrapped around wrist.
FULLY DRAMATIC I WOULD DIE FOR THIS BABY GIRL
“Did you hear that, Winnie?” Johnny looks down at the cub in his arms. “You can choose which ones you want, but I promised your mom to only get twenty today. Do you think you can count to twenty for me while you grab your treats?”
😀💀✋ 20 HONEY STICKS????????????????????? SIR??????
“Uh…” Winnie looks up at her uncle and you watch him mouth the word twelve, which Winnie announces a moment later.
“Uncle John wanted to know their names so he could go and gobble them up,” Winnie tells you, flashing a mischievous smile. “But I told him I could handle it. They might not like my ears, but they don’t know how to dress good either, so-” the cub shrugs, “how am I supposed to listen to girls who don’t know how to dress good?”
SHES THAT GIRL AND SHE KNOWS IT
“You guys are too nice to me,” Johnny insists, and you can see the hint of a blush in his pretty complexion.
JOHNNY I WANT YOU COME TO ME RIGHT NOW I CAN BE NICE TOO
“No need,” Johnny assures you, stepping forward and reaching up to grab the honey pot. You marvel at how tall he is- “Here,” he holds it out for you, “would you mind taking that to the till while we grab our twenty honey sticks?”
FUCKER REALLY BOUGHT 20 T W E N T Y HONEY STICKS FOR HIS NIECE your man could never
“Listen,” he says, voice low as he pulls out cash, “I know this might be overstepping, and I’m sorry if that’s the case but… I’d really like to take you out some time.”
YOU CAN LITERALLY STEP ON ME I DONT CARE NO OVERSTEPPING NO THOUGHTS ONLY JOHN
“Wow, a call, not just a text,” you smile as you take Johnny’s cash, putting it into the register and counting out change.
nah but id be so overwhelmed lmao 😭😭😭
“I should be saying that to you,” Johnny grins, straightening and holding out his hands. “You look amazing. Can you do a little spin for me?”
hE JUST ASKED TO DO A SPIN ASAS;FLIASFGASLGHFLIHGASFISAF'HAS FI AM MENTALLY UNWELLLLLLLLL NOPE NOPE NOPE
“I have charm?”
MISS ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW YOU GONNA COME UP TO ME WITH THAT COYNESS STOP PLAYING I WILL SHOOT YOU
“I’m happy you came,” he smiles. “I wasn’t sure if asking you out while you were at work was a good idea, but, I guess after seeing you interact with Winnie, I just couldn’t pass up on the opportunity.”
SAD;KJLFHA;SFASFHAFSLHLASFFS WINNIE MY UNKNOWING WINGMAN
“Of course, everyone needs a Big Bear in their life,” he tells you, and the glint in his smile makes you think you’ve already found yours.
“She’s a good cub,” Johnny nods.
AWIYFDIAS;LGUIASGDASDIUGAIS;DADADS I CAN BE A GOOD CUB TOO JOHN GIVE ME ONE CHANCE
“Don’t look so shocked, Bee,” Johnny smiles, and your heart does flip flops at the new pet name. “It’s a hybrid bar in midtown.”
ASFKJGSK;FASSFAS;KFJGASF;HGASF;SAG;SAFGAS;F NAHHHH I SQUEALLEEEDDD WHEN HE CALLED HER BEEE I WANNAAA BEE A BEEEEEEEE
You turn to Johnny and something comes over you. You want to say thank you, but the words themselves won’t suffice, so instead, you lean close, pressing your lips to his cheek. Johnny practically freezes, and when you pull away, you see a red lipstick stain on his skin.
BESTIES A GIRLS GIRL. A WIN FOR FEMINISM. MARK HIM. MARK HIM FOR ALL OF US. LIPSTICK STAIN ON FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
“Probably,” he shrugs. “I figure anything will be good if you’re there with me.”
youUUU PLAYING TOO HARDDD
“Oh no,” Johnny says in an animated fashion, letting go of your waist to go help Winnie. “We can’t have that, can we?” He lifts his niece up, helping her grab a handful of honey sticks. “Woah there cub, how many of these have you got already?”
DFKL;JHSDLAGHSF;A;FGAFASFGALS;FGASBFLASJBFSBFASBFSABFASFB WOAH THE CUB IS SUCH A JOHNNY THING TO SAY BTW MY UTERUS IS FREE
“Yeah, cub?”
SDF;JKLGASLFFASF
“Just twenty?” Winnie whines.
💀😭✋ JOHN SPOILED YOU TOO MUCH BABEZ
“Because you’re a princess, and he’s just Uncle John!”
john sobbing in the corner
In the theater, Johnny’s adorable niece once again insists on sitting in the middle, and Johnny lets out a small sigh but doesn’t argue with his niece. When you take your seats, however, his arm immediately goes along the back of the chairs, and his fingers find the back of your neck, gently stroking your skin.
He’s dressed up tonight, more so than usual. His dress pants are paired with a button up, and its black silky material is soft to the touch when he pulls you to his chest for a kiss. “You look perfect,” he tells you, pinching at your chin and looking you up and down. “My perfect little honey bee doll.”
“Good, I can’t take my eyes off of you either.”
OK ew too much yall so mf corny i hate it here im too fucking single for this shit fuck you /hj
“I’m Yuta, and you must be the honey girl,” he flashes you a smile complete with sharp canines that glint in the light. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
i wANNA BE HONEY GIRL SOOOO BADDDDD T_T LET ME BE HER
Johnny lets out a chuckle. “They’re both being very bad club owners, if you ask me.”
“I love how close you are with Winnie,” you admit. “It can be rare to find a single guy who’s so doting on his younger family members.”
your mans could never
“Oh, definitely,” Johnny nods. “Some days, when I’m here alone, I think about how much nicer it would be to have a few of my own cubs running around…” he licks his lips, pausing to look at you. “I don’t think we’ve ever talked about whether or not you’d want to have kids.”
like i said, my uterus is free (:
“So you like it?” he questions, pressing his body against your back and wrapping his arms around you, head on your shoulder. “My bear cave?”
HE- HE- HE- WHAT IM GONNA ACT UP
“I might hold you to that,” Johnny says, voice low.
im so normal about this man
You swallow thickly, leaning back against him while you gain your courage. You know Johnny’s not the type to force anything on you, and something tells you that if you don’t make this first move, you might miss your chance.
ANOTHER WIN FOR THE GIRLIES WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE GO FEMINISM
You shouldn’t be in love with Johnny only after three dates, but with lines like this one, you know you most definitely are. In the after haze or your orgasm, you can’t even find it within yourself to care that he has you wrapped around his finger.
YOU SHOULD MOVE OVER RAT IF YOU DONT WANT HIM I DO
“My big bear,” you smile, lips moving to his neck while you continue to swivel your hips.
“If it’s too much, let me know,” Johnny tells you, swallowing thickly while gazing down at your form. “I can be rough sometimes, even if I don’t mean to be.”
“I’m sure I’ll be okay,” you smile, cupping his face. “I’ve never actually said this before but… Big Bear, break my back like a glowstick.”
SHE GETS ME. SHE REALLY DOES.
“I was thinking…” he sits on the bed next to you, hand smoothing up your thigh, “I’m pretty hungry after that workout. Can I make us something to eat?”
“There’s still a lot you don’t know about me.” His thumb rubs circles on your thigh.
“Something tells me you know how to handle your meat.”
💀💀💀💀 MF DID NOT HAHHAHAHAHAHAH
“Oh, John,” you shake your head, “I’m not like those other girls.”
NAUR NOT THE IM NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLSSSSSS SO L OF YOU BUT HAHHAHAHA SLAYYYY LOL
“It’s too early,” Johnny grunts, pulling you closer and burrowing his face in your neck.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME
SLAYED WELL FED TOOTH DECAY COOCHIE QUAKING
Big Bear & Bee
🌙 staring. Johnny x afab!Reader
🔮 preview. You swallow thickly, leaning back against Johnny while you gain your courage. You know he’s not the type to force anything on you, and something tells you that if you don’t make this first move, you might miss your chance. Turning in his arms, you look up into the bear hybrid's chocolate brown eyes. Then you’re kissing him, putting all the passion that’s been brewing into the meeting of your lips. You thread your fingers through his soft hair, eager to get close to him, closer than you’ve ever been before.
tw/cw. protected sex, multiple positions (girl on top/missionary), pussy eating, praise, dirty talk, bear hybrid x human, fingering, overstim, size kink, big dick!Johnny, pussy stretching, slow burn, mentions of baby/child fever, sex while she wears a dress, etc... I pet names: (hers) bee, princess, gorgeous. (his) John, Big Bear.
👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 15.9k
🍭 aus. hybrid, bear/uncle!Johnny, human/honey shop worker!y/n, etc…
☀️ mlist + an. huge thank you to @sehunniepot for helping me through writing this and being my beta reader- Nikki is truly one of my best friends, and if you haven't already checked out her writing, she's got John fics for days - her Olympian Johnny is one of my favorite fics ever 💕
As a bear hybrid, Johnny has been in many honey shops in his life. He’s frequented hole-in-the-wall mama and papa honey selling places. He’s visited corporate brand locations so big and full of different types of honey that they made his head spin. He’s even given a chance to side of the road, farm fresh honey sellers.
Even with all of this experience, there’s only one place that he’s truly come to love, and that’s Queen B’s Honey Company.
Nestled between an ice cream parlour and a fifties style salon on an old street on the side of town, near the farming district, Queen B’s has a certain charm that’s always scratched Johnny’s honey itch just right.
With soft cream coloured walls, and touches of old wood that line the space in shelves and fill the room with various display tables, the store is somewhere between scandi and revitalized farm aesthetic, a style that Johnny adores.
Housing a wide array of honey, in sticks, jars, canisters and tubs, the honey shop has everything a bear like John could ever need, and that’s not even including all the hand made pottery that sits on the top shelves. Plants are speckled here and there, adding a floral scent to the sweetness in the air that’s inherent to the Queen B establishment.
There’s art too, all somehow relating to honey, and everywhere you look, there’s a recurring theme of bees and bears.
It’s a tale as old as time - the bears and the bees - and one that has always immediately brought the hybrid an indescribable sense of peace.
Even with all of this, however, Johnny’s favourite part about the store has to be the kind workers that calmly bustle around, always quick to lend a hand or ask how his day is going. Specifically, you draw Johnny in like no amount of honey ever could, and he’s pleased to arrive at the store once a week to often find you working.
Johnny might be a big shot club owner and entrepreneur by night, but by day - especially in the comfort of Queen B’s - Johnny sees himself as more of a calm dude just trying to support a local business. Despite his attraction to you, he’d hate to put himself out there and make you uncomfortable - at your workplace no less - so in the months he’s been frequenting your establishment, your short interactions have only ever pertained to honey, and he can live with that.
The front bell chimes softly as Johnny enters Queen B’s, and Johnny meets your smile with a grin of his own. “Good morning!” you call out, a common greeting that still somehow makes his heart beat loudly in his chest.
“Hi,” he nods, breaking your gaze to inspect the front display, where all your store’s new products are laid out like candy in a candy shop for the honey-loving bear hybrid.
He tries to be nonchalant, but as the only person in the store, Johnny knows he’s captured your attention. There are days when he’s one of a handful, and you often take care of those who’ve come before him, only to head his way and ask if there’s anything you can help him find. Today, he has all your attention, and it takes effort for him not to watch you approach.
There’s something about the soft yellow apron that you always wear, or the yellow scrunchies and ribbons in your hair. Your white t-shirt and blue jean ensemble under your work apron is just as much a part of the beautiful colour scheme, and there’s no three colours in the world that Johnny likes together more than cream, honey, and denim blue, especially on you.
“We’ve got new honey sticks,” you tell him, as you come to join him by the front display. He loves how you know what he normally buys, that you remember him so well.
“I see that,” he nods, sneaking a glance up at you. “Are they any good?”
You nod. “Very good, at least, I think so.” You begin to tell him where the honey is sourced - from a local apiary - and the way that the honey sticks are naturally flavoured with the seasonal blackberries, raspberries and other such ingredients that grow in the surrounding area, all organic of course.
Johnny listens, although half of his mind is much more pleasantly occupied watching your lips. The way you speak has always enchanted the bear hybrid, and he’s more than happy to watch you work hard to give him all the information you can.
“Sounds good,” Johnny says when you’re done. “I might just have to get five of each.”
“I can prepare that for you if you’d like to continue looking around,” you smile. “We also restocked the blackberry honey jars from Overgrove Apiary. I know we were out last week and you got something else, so…well, I called our merchandiser over there and got a new batch just yesterday.”
You're a woman after his own heart…and maybe also his money, but Johnny can never tell if your interest in him is beyond that of a professional.
“Thanks, I really appreciate that,” Johnny tells you honestly, watching you begin to collect five of each honey stick into a simple brown paper bag for him.
“Don’t mention it,” you say softly. “Anything for a regular.”
He wonders again if that’s all he is to you, a regular, and Johnny finds himself putting his hands in the pockets of his dress pants, fiddling with the golden ring on his thumb. “It’s nice to be taken care of,” he says finally.
Your eyes meet, and you’re quick to look away, but the soft smile on your face is enough to make Johnny’s heart race again.
“Is there anything else I can help you with today? Or just the honey sticks and blackberry jar?”
“I think this is good for now,” he tells you, following when you immediately turn to head to the till.
It’s a nice silence as he watches you check everything through the system, and when you give him the total, he pulls out his soft, brown leather wallet from his back pocket. He always pays in cash, and despite the fact that he never asks for change, opting to give you a tip that goes into the tip jar, you still ask if he’d like the coins back.
It’s one of Johnny’s joys of the week to tell you, “keep the change,” as he reaches for his brown paper bag of goodies.
“Can I-” your voice draws his eyes, and he wonders what you might ask him. This is not part of your normal interactions, and he holds his breath waiting to see what might come of it. “Never mind, it’s probably a stupid question.”
“Good thing I like stupid questions,” he assures you, giving you the space to continue.
“I was just-” you take a deep breath. “I’ve looked into certain hybrids like yourself enjoying honey, and Winnie The Pooh always told me that bears like honey, but you can’t always rely on cartoons, can you?” Johnny chuckles at the idea. “As a regular, I was thinking maybe I could ask you about your personal experience with our products?”
“That’s a good question,” Johnny says, thinking about it for a moment. “You know my affinity for the blackberry honey - I’ve always had a sweet tooth - but in truth, all the honey sticks are for my niece. She’s the real addict in the family.”
“Really?” Your eyes have widened, and Johnny thinks it’s possible you’ve never been prettier than this moment. “I always- I mean, in the months you’ve been coming in, I just always assumed the honey sticks were for you-”
“Easy mistake,” he smiles.
“You’ve never come in with your niece,” you point out.
Johnny nods, looking around the perfect store. “Yeah. There’s a lot of expensive stuff in here, the pottery, the displays- I didn’t want to bring her in and be a bother so usually I pick stuff up before going to grab her from her school. It’s my day to babysit,” he explains, “and it’s nice to start it off with a little goodie bag.”
He goes to reach for the brown paper bag in question, but you’re quick to pull it away from him. “A goodie bag?” you repeat. “If I'd known this was a goodie bag, I would have put some tissue paper in here-” you’re already reaching under the till, taking out some cream coloured paper with golden spots and bees on it.
“It’s okay-”
“No,” you insist, “your niece is going to love this, trust me.” You press the fun tissue paper into the bag, and the soft crinkling sound makes Johnny smile. “Maybe a bow too?”
“She really doesn’t need a bow-”
“Most little girls like bows, Uncle Big Bear,” you tell him, reaching for the yellow ribbons next to the register. But then your hands freeze. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just called you Uncle Big Bear-”
“That’s okay,” he assures you.
“It’s not,” you shake your head, averting your gaze, and Johnny corrects himself from earlier. He’d thought seeing you shocked made you cute, but seeing you flustered makes you even cuter. “That was really unprofessional-”
“Trust me, It’s okay,” he tells you again. “Look, if you really feel bad about it, you can call me Johnny. You can say ‘most little girls like bows, Johnny’ and that will be fine by me. How’s that sound?”
He loves the way your careful hands wrap a pretty bow around one of the bag handles even as you look up at him with shy eyes. “Most little girls like bows, Johnny,” you say, voice quiet.
“Then I’m thankful you’ve given me tissue paper and a bow,” he grins. “Thanks for all of this,” he picks up the finished bag of goodies.
“You’re welcome,” you nod, biting on your lip. “And Johnny?”
He loves the way his name sounds coming from you. “Yeah?”
“Please bring your niece in. We’re a hybrid and child-friendly store. I’m sure she’d love it here.”
Johnny takes a moment before nodding. “Okay,” he concedes, giving you one last once over before heading to the door.
When he picks up his niece from school, she’s ecstatic to receive a new and improved goodie bag, giggling over the cream and gold, bee and polka dot tissue paper. She immediately tears into one of the honey sticks.
While you’re often on Johnny’s mind after his Queen B visits, today, he can’t get you out of his brain.
You’re halfway through completing a transaction with an older customer when your favourite regular walks into your store. The sight of him makes you do a double take, because today, he’s not alone.
He’s brought his niece in, just like you’d asked him to.
At about waist-high next to the gentle giant bear hybrid, the little girl looks absolutely adorable. She’s in a yellow and white polka dot dress, with two sparkly scrunchies keeping her dark hair up in pigtails just behind her large fluffy ears. Her hand is clasped in Johnny’s, and her eyes are full of wonder as she steps into the space.
“Thank you for shopping with us,” you say to the lady you’re helping, quickly finishing up so your attention can return to Johnny.
His niece is tugging on his hand now, attempting to run up to the display case that’s stocked with all your new honey stick flavours.
“These ones!” the little girl insists. “These are the ones you got me last week!”
“I know, Winnie, I know,” Johnny smiles, joining the little cub in front of the table of treats. “Your favourite was the peach one, right?”
“Uh huh!” The little girl, Winnie, nods enthusiastically. “But I also liked raspberry, and strawberry, and apple, and cherry-”
“Slow down there, cub,” Johnny laughs, bending down to lift his niece up so she can see the display better. “We’ve got all the time in the world to make your choices, right?”
“Right,” Winnie confirms, nodding solemnly as she gazes down at all the honey sticks.
“I think we’ll be needing a basket,” Johnny notes. “Can we go grab a basket?”
“Yeah!” Her enthusiasm makes you smile, and you reach under your till to grab something to carry their honey in, approaching the two with a heart that’s currently melting in your chest.
“Welcome to Queen B’s,” you say, drawing both of the bear hybrid’s eyes. “I heard a basket might be in order?”
You hold it out for Johnny, and he gives you a grateful smile while accepting it. “Yeah, thank you,” he adjusts his niece on his hip. “Winnie, this is y/n, she showed me all these new honey sticks last week and wrapped your goodie bag up in a bow.”
“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” The little girl grins, flashing a toothy smile that shows her sharp canines are just starting to grow in.
“She loved the bow,” Johnny tells you. “Didn’t you, Winnie?”
“I loved it, see!” She thrusts out her hand, and you find the yellow ribbon wrapped around wrist.
“That’s very pretty, Winnie,” you smile, also noting her cute yellow nails. She’s a girl who has an obvious favourite colour, and it’s cute in comparison to the neutral blacks and browns Johnny often wears.
“Is it okay if she chooses her own honey sticks?” Johnny asks, holding his niece closer to the display stand.
“Of course!” You’re a little shocked by how polite Johnny is. Even after telling him you’re a kid-friendly store, he still double checks to make sure he’s not crossing any lines.
“Did you hear that, Winnie?” Johnny looks down at the cub in his arms. “You can choose which ones you want, but I promised your mom to only get twenty today. Do you think you can count to twenty for me while you grab your treats?”
“Of course I can!” Winnie insists, reaching out her little hand to circle a bunch of the peach flavored honey sticks. When she pulls the treats back to her chest, she begins counting, and Johnny joins in. The first five are easy, but she begins to falter a little at six and seven.
Johnny is as patient as ever, helping her through to ten before he stops her. “Is ten enough, cub? That’s half of twenty, you know.”
“Ten is enough,” Winnie sighs, dropping her chosen sticks into the basket before reaching to return those she won’t keep.
“What else?” Johnny asks, beginning to bob his niece up and down on his hip as she surveys the options.
“Two raspberry,” she concludes, and Johnny holds her closer to the tin of raspberry sticks. She plucks two out.
“What’s ten plus two?” Johnny questions.
“Uh…” Winnie looks up at her uncle and you watch him mouth the word twelve, which Winnie announces a moment later.
“Good job,” Johnny praises her. “Ten plus two is twelve. Okay, what’s next?”
“Two cherry.”
“What’s twelve plus two?”
“Uh…” again, Johnny mouths the answer, and Winnie declares “fourteen!” which earns her a few coos of admiration and another ‘good job’ that has you practically melting.
You suppose standing and watching the two is somewhat intrusive, so with a nod to Johnny, you step back, busying yourself on a nearby display case that needs some fixing.
You listen to the bear hybrids count all the way to twenty, and you hear Johnny congratulate Winnie again for counting so high.
You’d always gotten the vibe that Johnny is a softy, but seeing him in action is something else, and you find it harder and harder to stop the smile from appearing on your face at all his sweet actions.
Instead of approaching the till, Johnny asks Winnie if she wants to see some of the pottery on the walls, and the cub lets out an excited “Yes!”
“But remember,” Johnny says, voice turning serious as he puts his basket down and adjusts the girl in his arms, hands going onto her waist so he can lift her high enough to see the tall shelves, “keep your paws to yourself.”
“I promise,” Winnie giggles. “Uncle John! Look! This one’s a beehive!”
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Johnny nods.
“Very pretty,” Winnie confirms.
“Maybe I should get your mom one of these for her birthday,” Johnny says. “Do you think she’d like a honey jar?”
Winnie nods enthusiastically. “Yes, yes, yes!”
“Which one, cub? This one? Or…” he moves over a few feet, showing her another ceramic honey pot, “how about this?”
“They’re all so pretty,” Winnie admits.
“Well, how about you think about it, and when we come back next week, you can help me choose one. How’s that sound?”
He truly is a gentle giant, and you find yourself grabbing a few extra honey sticks from a display near the till in preparation for Johnny’s approach.
“Okay, cub,” he says as he carries his niece over, “I’m gonna have to set you down now so I can pay.”
“Okay,” Winnie nods, allowing herself to be placed back on the ground. She tucks in close to Johnny’s leg, looking around the store while Johnny sets the basket next to your till.
“How’s your day going?” Johnny asks, flashing you a smile as he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet.
“It’s going great,” you admit. “I was wondering if you’d actually come in today.”
“I told you last time, Monday’s the day I babysit.”
“And I told you to bring in your niece,” your eyes dip to the small bear hybrid still clinging to his leg, “I’m very glad you did.”
“Me too,” Johnny smiles. “How much do I owe you?”
You give him the price of his twenty honey sticks, moving them from the basket to a pretty goodie bag you’d prepared. Johnny hands you two bills, and as always, tells you to keep the change.
“Wait,” he says when he watches you put five extra honey sticks into the bag, “I didn’t buy those-”
“They’re on the house,” you assure him. “I understand that your sister made a twenty honey stick cap, but I figured, maybe Winnie will share some with you, so… here are extra ones. They’re a different brand, Overgrove Apiary, and they’re all blackberry, which I know is your favourite.”
“Wow,” Johnny accepts the goodie bag, immediately handing it off to Winnie, who reaches in to tear a honey stick out. “Thank you, I uh… I appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it,” you assure him. “And by the way, the ice cream parlour next door has a new flavour out. It’s honeycomb.”
“Honeycomb!?” Winnie is midway through tearing open the stick in her hands, and she looks up at you with wide eyes.
“You’re trying to get me in trouble with her mother, aren’t you?” Johnny laughs.
“I’d never even think of doing such a thing,” you grin.
“Sure you wouldn’t,” Johnny looks you up and down, and you feel your skin heating under his gaze. “Have a good day, y/n.”
“You too, Johnny.”
You’ve been looking forward to Monday all weekend, and when Johnny walks in at 3:30 with Winnie on his shoulders, all the tension from your long day leaves your body.
“Hi, you two,” you greet them, coming from around the till to give them your full attention.
“Hi, y/n!” Winnie exclaims, waving enthusiastically at you.
“How’s your day going, cub?” you ask, looking up at the little girl clinging to Johnny’s head.
“It’s okay,” Winnie sighs.
“That doesn’t sound okay,” you note, reading her body language.
Your gaze dips to Johnny and he gives you a look. “Some kids were being mean to her in school today,” he confesses.
“What?” you look to Winnie again. “That doesn’t sound very nice.”
“It wasn’t,” she confirms with another loud sigh. “They were making fun of my ears.”
“But you have such wonderful ears,” you compliment her, frowning at the fact that the world is still full of people who are very much anti-hybrid.
“That’s what I told her,” Johnny nods.
“Uncle John wanted to know their names so he could go and gobble them up,” Winnie tells you, flashing a mischievous smile. “But I told him I could handle it. They might not like my ears, but they don’t know how to dress good either, so-” the cub shrugs, “how am I supposed to listen to girls who don’t know how to dress good?”
You find yourself laughing at her sass, nodding along. “That’s a very good point, Winnie. I have to admit, I liked your dress the first time you entered the shop, and I see you’re in an even prettier one today.”
“This one?!” Winnie looks down at the cream coloured poofy dress adorning her form. “Uncle John got it for me for my birthday.”
“Well, he also has an eye for fashion, doesn’t he?” You smile at Johnny, and he grins back at you.
“He does,” Winnie agrees. “Even though mommy says he should wear dress pants with a button up, I like his t-shirts.”
“I do too,” you nod. You’ve always liked Johnny’s style, the way he can wear a nice pair of dress pants with a casual shirt and sneakers.
“You guys are too nice to me,” Johnny insists, and you can see the hint of a blush in his pretty complexion.
“No such thing as too nice,” Winnie insists, “you taught me that, Uncle John.”
“I guess I did, didn’t I?” he sighs. “Anyways, you remember our mission today, right cub?”
“A honeypot for mommy,” the little girl on his shoulders nods.
“That’s right,” Johnny begins to move towards the shelves holding ceramics, and you shadow the pair.
“Is there anything that stood out to you the last time you were here, princess Winnie?” you ask.
The little girl kicks her feet with joy at the new title you’ve given her, and she nods. “The beehive.”
“The beehive,” Johnny repeats with a sigh, and his gaze shifts to you. “Our little Winnie is nothing if not predictable.”
You enjoy the sentiment, the use of the word ‘our’ as if you’re already a part of their little family. You certainly feel connected to the two bear hybrids, although you’ve only really been getting to know Johnny for a short time.
You hope you can get to know them better.
“Is this the beehive honey pot you want?” you ask, pointing at a lovely handmade ceramic on the top shelf.
“Uh huh, that’s the one,” Winnie nods, playing with Johnny’s ears as she holds onto his head. “Mommy’s going to love it.”
“I’m sure she will,” you agree. “Let me just get the step ladder so I can reach it-”
“No need,” Johnny assures you, stepping forward and reaching up to grab the honey pot. You marvel at how tall he is- “Here,” he holds it out for you, “would you mind taking that to the till while we grab our twenty honey sticks?”
“I don’t mind at all,” you smile, accepting the ceramic and holding it close to your chest.
Johnny helps Winnie off of his shoulders and the two head to the display case that holds your store’s best goodies. You walk over to the till, scanning the price tag of the honey pot and getting it prepared.
You wrap it in bubble wrap before placing it in a nice gift bag and adding tissue paper to obscure the pot. This is a present after all, and you take your time making it look nice.
You’re just finishing your task when Winnie and Johnny approach holding twenty honey sticks, and they wait patiently while you scan them too.
“Hey Winnie,” Johnny looks down at his niece, “How about you go take a look at that display case over there,” he suggests, “I’m sure there’s some stuff in it you haven’t seen before.”
Winnie looks confused for a moment, but then she shrugs, skipping off to look at the array of jarred honey in a display case a few meters away.
You cock a brow at Johnny while he pulls out his wallet.
“Listen,” he says, voice low as he pulls out cash, “I know this might be overstepping, and I’m sorry if that’s the case but… I’d really like to take you out some time.”
“Take me out?”
“On a date,” Johnny clarifies. “Again, shoot me down and there will be no hard feelings-”
“I’d love to,” you tell him.
“Really?” He breaks into a smile, and it makes your heart flutter with excitement.
“Really,” you confirm, reaching for a Queen B’s Honey business card. “Let me give you my number,” you say, grabbing a pen to write your digits on the back of the piece of paper.
When you hand it to Johnny, your fingers brush, and the contact makes your whole body light up with energy. You can tell from the way Johnny looks down at your number, skin flaring a slight pinkish colour, that he has no clue of the effect he has on you. “Thanks,” he mutters, voice cracking. “I’ll uh, give you a call later.”
“Wow, a call, not just a text,” you smile as you take Johnny’s cash, putting it into the register and counting out change.
“Let’s just say I’m old fashioned,” the bear grins sheepishly at you.
“I like it,” you confess. “It’s part of your charm.”
“I have charm?”
“Tons,” you nod.
“Good to know.” He licks his lips, looking down at you with those chocolate brown eyes that have always made you feel like melting into a puddle on the floor.
Winnie returns to grab her bag of honey sticks, and Johnny gently picks up the present for his sister. “Say goodbye to y/n, Winnie.”
“Goodbye, y/n. See you next week!”
“You better,” you grin. “I’ll be eager to find out how your mom likes her new honeypot.”
“She’ll love it,” Winnie says with the confidence that only a toddler truly possesses.
You adore her already.
“I’ll call you,” Johnny says again, giving you one last smile as you say goodbye and he turns to leave your store.
You watch him go, holding Winnie’s hand while the little girl skips along.
You kind of feel like skipping too.
Old fashioned Johnny is sweeter than the honey your store makes, and he calls you on Monday evening to see if you want to go to a fair on Thursday night. “You’re not scared of heights right? I can take you on the ferris wheel? They do fireworks at nine thirty for the kids but uh, I thought you might like watching them.”
He’s a gentleman, and you agree to all his ideas.
Waiting until Thursday is something like torture, but you somehow make it to the end of your shift and go home to get dolled up for Johnny. It will be the first time he sees you not in a work outfit, and you want to impress him.
You’d noted how proud he looked of Winnie’s dress when she’d mentioned he’d bought it for her, and you think Johnny might have a thing for cutesy looks, so you find your sweetest dress. It’s still modest, and when you look in the mirror, you realize you sort of look like one of those cute elementary school teachers you’ve seen in movies.
Finishing the outfit off with red lipstick, you think it’s a happy medium, after all, you will be at a fair with lots of children running around.
Johnny picks you up from your house, pulling up next to the curb in an old black muscle car convertible that takes your breath away as you approach.
“Wow,” you whisper, looking between him and the vehicle he’s leaning against.
“I should be saying that to you,” Johnny grins, straightening and holding out his hands. “You look amazing. Can you do a little spin for me?”
You allow him to grab your hand, and he helps you do a twirl that makes your dress dance.
“Perfect,” he tells you. “I’ve always liked your work outfit, but this dress is something else.”
“Really?” you beam up at him, allowing the bear hybrid to pull you to his chest.
“Would I lie to you?” he asks.
You stare into his eyes, and after a moment’s consideration, you shake your head. “No, you wouldn’t.”
You almost think Johnny’s about to kiss you, but then he swallows thickly and turns his head away, looking at the road. “Should we get going?”
“Yes, please.”
He drives a little wilder than the calm persona he exudes when he’s in your shop, and you find yourself giggling as he races down streets. It feels exhilarating to be in a convertible, the warm summer air rushing past.
Johnny grins at you when you laugh, pushing the car even harder to bring you more joy.
You’re already completely dazzled by the bear hybrid by the time you get to the fair, and the night just keeps getting better and better.
He holds your hand as you walk through the crowd, and he even wins you a massive teddy bear at one of the fair games. His baseball skills are no joke, and he easily knocks down all the bottles, triumphantly holding the teddy out to you as his prize.
“For me?” you ask in shock, accepting the toy.
“Of course, everyone needs a Big Bear in their life,” he tells you, and the glint in his smile makes you think you’ve already found yours.
The two of you go on a few rides, with you clinging to Johnny’s side during rough twists and turns. He keeps you and the teddy bear safe, laughing while you scream in delight. It feels like being a kid again. It’s something you’ve never really experienced, being at a fair on a date with a cute guy who seems to want to give you the world.
It’s nine twenty before you even know it, and Johnny leads you to the ferris wheel.
“We should get to the top by the time the fireworks start,” he tells you before pulling out his wallet and stepping close to the teenage boy working the ride. “I’ll pay you twenty bucks to give us an extra five minutes at the top.”
“I can do that,” the teenager nods, quickly pocketing the bill before helping you both onto the ferris wheel. “Here, I’ll take care of the bear for you,” he says, as there’s no way you both will fit on the ride with the massive stuffed animal. The seats are for two adults, and Johnny pulls out another five to give to the attendant before sitting next to you.
The bar is secured in place, locking you in next to the bear hybrid who smoothly puts his arm behind you, laying it across the back of the seats. “It’s a nice night,” he tells you.
“A perfect night,” you agree. “I’m so happy you asked me to do this with you.”
“I’m happy you came,” he smiles. “I wasn’t sure if asking you out while you were at work was a good idea, but, I guess after seeing you interact with Winnie, I just couldn’t pass up on the opportunity.”
“Your niece is wonderful,” you breathe.
“She’s a good cub,” Johnny nods.
“Seeing as we’re going to be on this ride for a while, do you mind if I ask you some questions about yourself? We’ve spent the whole night doing things, and I don’t actually know that much about you.”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Let's start with what you do for work?”
Johnny laughs. “Any guesses?”
“Well, I’m pretty sure you’re not a nine to five kind of guy-”
“I’m not,” he confirms.
“You dress so well, part of me wants to say you’re involved in fashion or something.”
“Good idea,” Johnny grins, “but unfortunately no, I’m not involved with any fashion work. I think my job is a hard one to guess, so I’ll just tell you. I run a club with a few close friends.”
“You run a club?” you blink at him.
“Don’t look so shocked, Bee,” Johnny smiles, and your heart does flip flops at the new pet name. “It’s a hybrid bar in midtown.”
“A hybrid bar,” you repeat.
“Humans are allowed in the front section, but we have a back that’s exclusive for hybrids. It’s a safe space for us, and I’m there a lot, especially during the weekends, keeping an eye on things,” he explains.
“Tell me about the friends you work with?”
“First, there’s Hyuck. He’s a pretty peculiar guy. Then there’s Renjun, and Yuta, he’s a wolf hybrid. But at this point, I’m friends with a lot of the workers too. We have this raven manager, Doyoung, and I love watching him run around like a stressed chicken with his head cut off-” Johnny smiles to himself. “You’ll have to come by sometime and meet them.”
“That would be nice,” you nod. “I mean, you’ve seen me at work so often, it would be interesting to see you in your own element.”
“Honestly, I’m not so sure the club is my element. It’s a good way to make money, and I don’t have to do much- it’s one of the perks of being a part owner. But if I had to choose between your store and the club, I think I’d rather be at the honey shop.”
“So you can watch me run around like a stressed chicken with my head cut off?” you tease.
“You always seem so put together,” Johnny tells you.
“That’s because you often show up when no one else is in the store. You should see what it’s like during a Saturday rush.”
The bear hybrid laughs. “Maybe I’ll have to pop by, then.”
You’re only halfway up the ferris wheel, and you’re a little surprised when a sudden loud pop marks the beginning of the fireworks. You tear your gaze from Johnny, focusing on the blue and green explosion that’s lighting up the dark sky.
“Wow, this view is amazing!” you exclaim.
“It is,” Johnny agrees, and you can see out of the corner of your eye that the charming man hasn’t stopped staring at you just yet. “I knew you’d like it here.”
He adjusts his arm behind you, finally resting his hand casually over your shoulder, and you immediately tuck yourself closer to the bear hybrid. His large body is so warm and comforting, and you enjoy the peaceful quiet that settles over you both as you watch the fireworks.
The ride moves, bringing you closer to the prime spot at the top of the ferris wheel. You can feel yourself getting giddier- you’ve never been on a date like this. Never experienced something this perfect.
“You’re cute,” Johnny says.
“I am?” You look at the bear hybrid next to you.
“Uh huh,” Johnny nods. “The way your eyes light up when you’re watching the fireworks- I’ve never seen anything prettier.”
“Stop, you’re such a charmer,” you blush, hiding your face against the crook of his neck.
“Just being honest,” he tells you, stroking your shoulder.
The ride begins to move again, and you pull away from Johnny to marvel at the view again.
From the top of the ferris wheel, you can see everything. The whole fairground is laid out below you, twinkling and brilliant. The fireworks are dazzling, filling the sky with colourful explosions.
You turn to Johnny and something comes over you. You want to say thank you, but the words themselves won’t suffice, so instead, you lean close, pressing your lips to his cheek. Johnny practically freezes, and when you pull away, you see a red lipstick stain on his skin.
Johnny turns his head to look at you, gaze darting down to your mouth-
Again, you’re hit with a surge of confidence, and this time, when you lean in, it’s not his cheek you’re aiming for.
Johnny’s lips are soft, gentle against your own, and then his hand comes up to cup your face. You don’t want to pull away. You can tell he doesn’t want you to either. His mouth parts, tongue gently teasing your bottom lip, and you let him deepen the kiss.
Your body is tingling with energy as you lean closer to him, grabbing at the front of his shirt. When your own tongue darts out to taste him, the bear hybrid lets out a groan, and you mirror it with a pleasured sound of your own.
A loud bang makes you jump a little in his embrace, and Johnny smiles against your lips, releasing your face so you can turn to admire the large firework that’s just been set off.
“John,” you breathe, “this is perfect.”
“It’s how I wanted our first kiss to be,” he muses. “As much as I wanted to kiss you when I picked you up, I knew waiting would have its rewards.”
So he wanted to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss him, and the thought has your heart thumping loudly in your chest.
You can’t help but press your lips to his again, smiling into the kiss while Johnny tugs you closer. His free hand slips down to your thigh, and you moan at how good it feels.
It’s shocking how just kissing Johnny is already doing so much to your body- as if some primal instinct is taking over.
You’re not sure how long you remain lip locked, but when the ride jolts into motion again, you break the kiss, laughing a little as you bury your face against his neck.
The bear hybrid holds you tighter, and you remain in his embrace for the rest of the ride.
When you reach the ground again, Johnny holds out a hand and helps you out of your seat. The teenage ride attendant gives Johnny the bear stuffie, and he carries it for you as you walk through the fairgrounds towards his car.
You’re amazed with how comfortable you are with Johnny, and the ride home is filled with as many speed fueled giggles as your drive to the fairground had been.
When you reach your house, Johnny even walks you to the door.
You kiss him again, loving the way that his size dwarfs your own. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck, not wanting to let go. But all good nights must come to an end, and after a long makeout session, you finally pull away to catch your breath.
“When can I see you again?” Johnny asks.
“Monday?” you suggest.
“With Winnie?” The bear hybrid laughs. “Are you sure you’re not using me to get to my niece?”
You grin, enjoying his playful banter. “I was just thinking that you said you work most evenings on the weekend, and I work during the day, so our schedules are conflicting.”
“Right, yeah,” Johnny nods. “What are you doing Tuesday, after work?”
“You tell me.”
“Movies,” Johnny states. “I want to take you to the movies.”
“Is there anything good showing?”
“Probably,” he shrugs. “I figure anything will be good if you’re there with me.”
He’s such a sweet talker, and you give him a kiss, thanking him for the lovely evening. “I’ll see you Monday, John.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Why are you rushing, Uncle John?” Winnie asks as Johnny speeds down the street after picking her up from school.
“No reason,” he says, although it's partially a lie.
He’s excited to see you, even if it’s just for a short interaction while Winnie gets her honey fix. However, his niece is right, Johnny is going a little too fast, and it’s almost torture for him to slow down.
He all but hops out of the car when he parks in front of your shop, opening the back door for Winnie to exit the vehicle as well. They enter Queen B’s Honey with enthusiasm, although the cause of that enthusiasm is very different.
Winnie goes straight for the honey stick display, but Johnny’s much more focused on you. You’re restocking a few honey jars on a top shelf, wobbling a little on your stepping stool, and the bear hybrid is quick to rush to your aid.
“Hey there,” he breathes, steadying a hand on your waist. “Carefull, Bee.”
“Oh, hi, John,” you grin down at him.
“Hi, yourself,” he smiles, watching you put the last jar in its place.
You turn, resting your hands on his shoulders as you step down to the floor, and Johnny loves the way you’re so much shorter than he is. He could just eat you up-
“Hi, Winnie!” You wave at his niece over his shoulder.
“Hi!” she calls back, and when Johnny turns, he sees his little cub is already reaching to grab a few peach honey sticks from their jar. She’s occupied, and it gives Johnny the chance to talk to you one on one a little, something he’s very grateful for.
“How was your weekend?” he asks.
“Busy,” you laugh. “You?”
“Busy,” he grins. “Was thinking about you a lot.”
“You were, were you?” There’s a twinkle in your eye, and it all but bewitches the bear hybrid who still has a hand on your hip. “Did I really leave that good of an impression?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he confesses. “Were you thinking about me too?”
“More than I care to say,” you nod.
“Are we still on for that movie tomorrow?”
“Of course, unless you’ve changed your mind-”
“Never.”
“Uncle John!” Winnie’s voice snaps Johnny out of his daze, and he tears his gaze from your lips to look at his niece.
“Yeah, cub?”
“I can’t reach the cherry honey!”
“Oh no,” Johnny says in an animated fashion, letting go of your waist to go help Winnie. “We can’t have that, can we?” He lifts his niece up, helping her grab a handful of honey sticks. “Woah there cub, how many of these have you got already?”
“Just a few,” she insists, adding her new goodies to a hand already holding a large number of peach sticks.
“Just a few,” Johnny chuckles. It’s obvious that Winnie has forgotten her candy cap. “Can you count to twenty for me?”
“Just twenty?” Winnie whines.
“You know we’ll both get in trouble with your mom if you have any more than that.”
Winnie sighs with exasperation, putting a few of the cherry sticks back in their jar.
“There we go,” Johnny grins. “Just peach and cherry today?”
“They’re my favourites,” Winnie insists.
It’s a shame that his little cub doesn’t take longer choosing honey, as it means there’s less time with you, but Johnny also supposes that he shouldn’t be monopolizing on goodie time. He’ll get to see you tomorrow, even though it pains him to head to the till and say goodbye to you so soon.
“Have a wonderful day, you two,” you grin.
“We will,” Johnny promises. His day is already fantastic now that he’s seen you, and he’ll carry the memory of helping you off that stool for many hours to come. “Don’t work too hard.”
“No promises,” you wink.
God, you’re perfect.
“Don’t be mad,” Johnny says, which is not a great start to a call thirty minutes before he’s supposed to pick you up for your date, “but when Winnie heard I was going to the theater with you, she insisted on coming because there’s this new Disney movie that’s showing, and her mom jumped at the idea to have her own date night-”
You listen to the bear hybrid ramble with a smile on your face, and when he finishes, he asks you if you’re okay with Winnie tagging along. “I’d love for her to join us,” you tell him. “You know I adore Winnie.”
Johnny lets out a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Have I ever told you how perfect you are?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, you are. Very perfect. Thanks for understanding.”
Half an hour later Johnny’s at your door, but he’s not in the convertible muscle car. Instead, an SUV is waiting on the curb, and you see Winnie waving at you frantically through the window.
“You look amazing,” Johnny breathes, taking in your dress with a smile.
“You clean up well too, John,” you smile, enjoying the brown checkered pants and white shirt he’s wearing.
“I’m sorry about this-”
“Don’t be,” you assure him. “As I said on the phone, I’m happy for the little cub to join.”
“Yeah,” Johnny sighs. “This was supposed to be a date-”
“It can still be a date,” you tell him, and you truly mean it.
It’s obvious to you that Winnie is a big part of Johnny’s life, and if you’re going to be part of his world too, it only makes sense for you to embrace his family.
When you get into the car, Winnie is quick to say hello, and she’s practically bouncing in her seat in the back of the vehicle. “It is you!” she exclaims. “Uncle John told me you’d be coming, but I didn’t really believe him!”
“No?” you smile. “Why’s that, cub?”
“Because you’re a princess, and he’s just Uncle John!”
“Ouch,” Johnny laughs, slipping behind the wheel. “That hurts, Win.” He turns the key in the ignition, casting a glance at you. “Do we all have our seatbelts on?”
“Yes, John,” you smile, and your sentiment is echoed by Winnie in the back, “of course, Uuncle John!”
“Why?” he presses, looking over his shoulder at the child in the back seat.
“Because safety is the most important thing!” she all but yells, and you think this must be something of a ritual for the two of them. It’s sweet, and it makes you fall even harder for the bear hybrid.
“Can we turn on my music?” Winnie asks next.
“Of course, cub,” Johnny nods, reaching for the center console, fingers pausing over the play button. “That is, if Miss Bee doesn’t mind the Lion King soundtrack.”
“Not at all,” you assure him.
Music fills the car a moment later, as does Winnie’s high pitched singing voice. When it reaches the chorus of the song, even Johnny joins in, and you wonder how many times he’s listened to this sound track with his niece.
It’s a soft experience, and one you savor every second of as Johnny drives you to the theater.
Winnie insists on walking between you and Johnny when she exits the car, holding both of your hands and doing little jumps that force you and her uncle to lift her off the ground while she giggles.
Once inside, you wait in the concession line and Winnie tells you all about the movie you’re going to see. She’s a massive Disney fan, and you enjoy listening to her talk. You catch Johnny staring at you a few times, and he always flashes you a smile when you meet his eyes.
Johnny gets a large popcorn with extra butter, and when he hands it to Winnie, she notes, “This is as big as me!”
In the theater, Johnny’s adorable niece once again insists on sitting in the middle, and Johnny lets out a small sigh but doesn’t argue with his niece. When you take your seats, however, his arm immediately goes along the back of the chairs, and his fingers find the back of your neck, gently stroking your skin.
He smiles at you when you turn to look at him, giving you a small wink before he entertains Winnie with a discussion on what colour his tail would be if he was a mermaid. Winnie decides hers would be yellow, and when Johnny says his would be green, she insists his would be brown because he’s a brown bear hybrid.
“Does that make you a yellow bear?” Johnny questions teasingly.
“A honey bear,” Winnie corrects. “And Miss Bee would be pink.”
“Really?” Johnny’s brows raise. “And why’s that, cub?”
“Because she has a pretty pink soul,” the child smiles, looking up at you. “And also, your dress is pink, and I like it.”
“Thank you, Winnie, I like your dress too.”
Winnie kicks her feet happily and Johnny rubs his thumb along the back of your neck in small, warm circles.
The lights dim, the movie starts, and you find that you’re thoroughly enjoying yourself. It’s nice to have Johnny’s gentle touch, a constant reminder that - although you’re here with his niece - he’s still doing his best to be attentive to you.
The film flies by, and before you know it, the three of you are exiting the theater. Winnie is dragging her feet, obviously exhausted from a long day at school and an evening movie, so Johnny picks her up, holding her tight to his chest while she wraps her legs around his waist and all but passes out on his shoulder.
At the car, you help Johnny put Winnie into the back seat, and when he closes the door, he turns to you. “Thank you for all of this.”
“Stop thanking me,” you smile. “I enjoyed myself.”
“Me too.” His hands find your waist, and he tugs you closer- only for his phone to ring.
“Shit,” Johnny cusses, the first swear word you’ve heard from him. “One sec, it’s my sister.”
He answers the call, assuring Winnie’s mom that the movie went well and they’ll be home soon. When he hangs up, Johnny tugs you to his chest again, pressing a chaste kiss on your lips.
He seems reluctant to let you go, but he opens your car door for you all the same, shutting it gently behind you once you’re tucked inside.
The drive home is quiet, as Winnie has fully passed out in the back seat. Johnny’s hand is on your thigh, and you place your own on top of his, playing with his fingers.
When you reach your house, Johnny exits the car to walk you to your door, where he kisses you, cupping your face and taking your breath away.
“I want to see you again,” he says, still holding you close.
“I’d love that.”
“How about Thursday? The club usually isn’t that busy on Thursdays. You could come meet a few of my friends.”
“Okay,” you nod. “I think I’d like that.”
“Perfect,” Johnny leans in to kiss you again, and as much as you’d love to melt against him, you’re very aware that Winnie’s mom is waiting for her back home.
“Drive safe, please,” you say when you finally pull away.
“I always do.”
You laugh. “That’s debatable.”
“You just don’t trust my driving skills yet,” Johnny insists.
Before you can stop him, he gives you one final kiss goodbye, and when you watch him turn to walk back to his car, you find yourself wishing he didn’t have to leave.
On Thursday night, you face the dilemma of figuring out what to wear for your date with Johnny. The past two experiences had been fairly classic, with a fair adventure and a trip to the movies, both perfectly suitable locations to wear a cute dress. But tonight, you’re going to a club and you wonder how that should affect your clothing choice.
After much contemplation, and about ten different outfit try-ons, you decide to stick with your usual baby doll style. Johnny seems to like it when you dress cute for him, and you’re banking on the fact that the bear hybrid likes you for you, as opposed to the girls who frequent his club in all forms of scandalous attire.
You’re feeling a little anxious about visiting a hybrid bar, if you’re being honest with yourself. It’s not that you personally have anything against hybrids, you’re just used to only being around one or two at a time.
You suppose maybe this is how Johnny feels, being a hybrid in a human dominant world, and the thought makes you a little sad. He always gives off such an air of ease and calmness, as if he doesn’t have a bother in the world. You wonder what adversities he’s had to overcome to get to that mentality, or if he was simply born that way.
Before you know it, Johnny’s picking you up. The convertible muscle car is back, and you take a moment to appreciate him leaning against it on the curb.
He’s dressed up tonight, more so than usual. His dress pants are paired with a button up, and its black silky material is soft to the touch when he pulls you to his chest for a kiss. “You look perfect,” he tells you, pinching at your chin and looking you up and down. “My perfect little honey bee doll.”
“I’m happy you like my dress,” you grin, swaying your hips so the skirt picks up.
Johnny grabs your hand, giving you the space to help you twirl while he lets out a whistle of appreciation. “I always like your dresses,” he admits. “I like your jeans and white t-shirt work outfits, but, I mean…when you walked out on our first date in a dress, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”
“Good, I can’t take my eyes off of you either.”
You wrap your arms around the back of his neck, pulling him into one last kiss before he opens the car door for you and helps you inside.
The ride is a peaceful one. He asks about your day, tells you about his own, and before you know it, you’re pulling up in front of his club. “You ready to meet my friends, gorgeous?” he asks, reaching over to give your hand a squeeze of reassurance.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you smile, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before exiting the car.
When you enter the club, with Johnny’s hand securely on the small of your back, it feels like any other bar you’ve been to. The staff are mostly hybrids, but you notice a few humans dressed in black too.
“It’s nice in here,” you tell him, beaming up at the man who makes you so eager to please.
“If you like this, wait till you see the back room,” Johnny grins, leading you past the bar.
“Oh,” you swallow thickly. “Didn’t you mention that the back is hybrid exclusive? Are you sure we should be going back there?”
“You have a good memory,” the bear nods. “It’s hybrid exclusive, but I'm a part owner, so I figure I can do what I want. Besides, this front section doesn’t have a VIP seating area, and my friends prefer to be in places where people can’t overhear us.”
“Are you planning on giving me some trade secrets, John?” You cock a brow and the bear hybrid laughs.
“Something like that.”
You reach the back door, where a bunny hybrid looks you up and down, his large, floppy ears twitching before his gaze shifts to Johnny. “Yuta said you’d be coming in tonight.”
You notice a puppy hybrid of sorts standing a few feet to the side, and his beautiful face is unreadable, his eyes fixed on you.
“Of course he did,” Johnny smiles at the bunny. “There’s not much Yuta can keep from you, is there, Markie?”
The bunny hybrid’s cheeks flare a cute shade of pink and he lets out a cough. “He’s uh… he’s waiting for you in VIP. Hyuck’s there too.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” Johnny says, applying a small amount of pressure onto your lower back which prompts you to step past Mark and through the open doorway.
Johnny was right about the hybrid exclusive section being nicer than the front, and you hurry to take it all in with your eyes. As you scan the space, it’s hard not to notice a few looks you get from people within the room.
You’re not sure if it’s because you’re with Johnny, or because you’re a human, but when your eyes catch the gaze of a man behind the bar with large, black raven wings, you get the feeling that it might be the latter.
“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here?” you ask, tucking closer to Johnny’s side.
“Definitely,” Johnny nods, leading you toward a set of stairs that leads to the VIP section. “Especially up here.” He takes your hand as you ascend, and you see a booth with two men sitting in it.
One has white hair to match his ashy wolf ears, and you think this must be the Yuta that Johnny has mentioned to you. The other man has his back to you, and you don’t see any obvious hybrid markings.
Johnny hadn’t mentioned much about this ‘Hyuck’ friend of his, other than him being peculiar, and you begin to wonder if Hyuck might be human like you. It would definitely make you feel more comfortable.
“Hey, guys,” Johnny greets his friends as you come to a stop in front of the table. “How’s it going?”
Both the men turn to look at you, and like the hybrids at the door, their gaze shifts down and then back up. The wolf is the first to stand, pulling out of the booth to shake your hand.
“I’m Yuta, and you must be the honey girl,” he flashes you a smile complete with sharp canines that glint in the light. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You have?”
“Johnny has been talking about you for months,” Hyuck breathes, but he doesn’t stand. “It was good to hear he finally grew some balls-”
“Hyuck,” Johnny groans, a warning in his tone. “Be nice.”
“You love bears probably want to sit next to each other,” Yuta says, slipping into the booth next to his friend and giving you the other side of the bench.
“Thanks,” Johnny nods, allowing you to sit first before he moves next to you, his arm immediately taking its place behind your shoulders. “Have you two been here long?”
Hyuck shakes his head, playing with the glass of amber liquid in front of him, but it’s Yuta who speaks. “Not long,” he assures you both, obviously the more talkative of the two. “Hyuck was here before me though, something about fucking his girlfriend in the staff bathroom-”
Hyuck grins mischievously and you wonder if this is a common occurrence for him.
“Does your girlfriend work here?” you ask, hoping to get into Hyuck’s good graces.
“Yeah,” his gaze shifts to the dance floor below. “She’s the sexy little bunny running around in that cute black dress.”
“She’s very pretty,” you smile.
“It runs in her family,” Yuta comments.
You’re confused for a moment before Johnny is leaning in close to your ear, “the bunny at the door, Mark, is her brother.”
“Oh,” you blink as you look at the men in front of you. “So you’re dating siblings?”
“I wouldn’t call what Yuta does with Mark dating-” Hyuck grins, earning an elbow in the ribs from the wolf on his side.
Johnny lets out a chuckle. “They’re both being very bad club owners, if you ask me.”
To be fair, both Yuta and Hyuck seem like the types to date their workers, but you suppose you shouldn’t hold that against them. These are Johnny’s friends, and you’re not about to start judging them now.
“So, Hyuck,” you look at the man across from you. “I can’t help but notice you don’t have any uh… any hybrid marks? Let me know if I’m being too forward, but are you human, or?”
Hyuck scoffs. “Definitely not.”
“And before you ask,” Yuta buts in, “his hybrid type is classified information.” The wolf flashes you a wink, and you suppose you should drop the topic. However, you can’t help the pang of anxiety that clutches your heart when you realize you truly are the only human in this back room.
“Johnny,” you look at the bear sitting next to you. “Are you really sure I should be here?”
“It’s fine-” Johnny goes to assure you again, but you can tell from the darkening of Hyuck’s gaze that maybe he doesn’t agree.
Before you can say anything else, Hyuck’s bunny hybrid girlfriend shows up. She smiles at Johnny, asking if he wants the usual, but when her eyes move to you, and you see her nose do a small wiggle, you realize she’s clocking you as a human.
“And what can I get your friend?” the bunny asks, and you’re thankful that she’s still being polite to you, but you can’t shake the feeling in the pit of your stomach.
“Actually, I think maybe I need some air,” you admit, taking a deep breath.
You suddenly feel very claustrophobic, and it might have to do with being surrounded by predatory hybrids. You don’t know what Hyuck is, exactly, but you’re sure he’s something big, because he acts like he’s got the biggest cock in the room.
“Are you okay?” Johnny asks, standing up from the booth to give you the space to escape your seat.
“Yeah, I just need to go outside for a moment,” you shake your head, turning to apologize to his friends before moving past the bunny hybrid and walking back down the stairs.
You can hear Johnny following you, but you’re in something of a rush as you weave through hybrids staring you down on the dance floor. When you get to the door leading to the front section, Mark stops you with a hand on your forearm. “Are you okay?” he asks, looking genuinely concerned.
“I’m fine, thank you-”
Johnny appears behind you, taking control of the situation as he tells Mark, “She just needs some air.”
The bunny hybrid lets you go, and you scurry to the front door, finally making your escape onto the street where you feel like you can finally take a breath.
Johnny stands two feet away from you, watching you with an empathetic expression. He gives you time to take a few deep inhales before reaching for your hand and pulling you to his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“I’m sorry, I know I’m probably overreacting-”
“You’re not,” he assures you, cupping your face and giving you a soft smile.
“I just… I feel like… everyone should have a safe space, you know? And I worry that, as a human, being in that back section was sort of like… invading the sanctity of your hybrid only zone. I’m really sorry, John, but I’m not sure if I can go back in there.”
“That’s okay,” he nods. “Maybe I was being…” he searches for the word, “presumptuous tonight. I wanted you to meet my friends, but I didn’t think too hard about how you might feel in that environment. I’m sorry I put you in this situation.”
“Don’t be sorry,” you shake your head. “I’m sorry-”
“Well we can’t both be sorry,” Johnny grins. “So maybe neither of us should be. Maybe tonight just didn’t work out, but that’s okay.”
“Really?” Relief floods your system as you look up into Johnny’s soft brown eyes.
“Really,” he leans down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “What do you say about going somewhere else?”
“Somewhere else?”
“How about my place?” he suggests. “I was planning on inviting you after this, but we could go there now if you want. No pressure though.”
You take a deep breath before you find yourself nodding. “I think I’d like that.”
“Good.” His thumb smooths by your cheek.
“Do you have to go back inside to say goodbye to your friends? I feel bad about making them come down here to meet me only to run away-”
“Trust me, those two would be here watching their bunnies even if we didn’t come out tonight. I’ll just send them a text and explain the situation. We can always meet them another night, at another bar.”
“And you’re sure they won’t hate me?”
“I don’t think anyone could ever hate you, Bee. You’re much too sweet for that kind of reaction.” Johnny smiles. “In fact, I bet Hyuck will be impressed.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because you care so much about the sanctity of the hybrid zone. Much more than I do.”
“You really think your friends will be alright?”
“Without a doubt.” He leans down to press another sweet kiss to your lips, but this one lingers. When he finally pulls away, you’re left wanting more, but he’s already reaching behind himself to open the door to his car for you. “Let’s go, gorgeous. My house is nicer than this place anyways.”
Johnny’s right about his house, it’s much nicer than the club. You guess you shouldn’t be shocked that he’s got a place just out of town, nestled amongst the trees of the forest. It’s a sleek place to live, and you admire the wood detailing of the upgraded cabin like exterior.
“This is a big house,” you muse, as you follow Johnny up the stone steps.
“Too big for me, I think,” he admits. “But it was one of the only places I could find with acreage in the forest, and I wanted a space that felt like home, you know? Winnie loves it here, some nights she sleeps over and we have a fire in the back with s’mores, other days I take her on some of the hiking trails- my land connects with the national forest, and we’ve got easy access to one of the better hiking paths in the park.”
Your heart melts a little. You know Johnny is a fabulous uncle, but you hadn’t realized the true extent of it.
“I love how close you are with Winnie,” you admit. “It can be rare to find a single guy who’s so doting on his younger family members.”
“Then I’m glad we found each other,” Johnny grins. “I’ve had ex’s in the past who would get mad about the time I spend with Winnie, but not you. I really did appreciate how well you took her date crashing that other night.”
“Like I said, it wasn’t a problem. I had a wonderful time.”
Johnny flashes you a grin as he lets you into his house, and you marvel at the interior being as lovely as the outside had been.
“Wow…it feels even bigger inside,” you note. “Will you give me a tour?”
“Of course,” Johnny tosses his keys down on an entryway table, grabbing your hand to begin showing you around.
The lower level has a state of the art kitchen with french doors that open to the outside deck, and Johnny tells you about the barbecues he hosts here. “We even had a family reunion out back two years ago,” he admits. “I’ve got extra rooms, so my grandparents stayed here, and a few of my aunts and uncles- it was a really good time.”
“That sounds like a wonderful reunion,” you smile, enjoying how deep his love for family truly runs.
There’s a large dining room, and a living room with glass windows giving views to the forest. In the corner there’s even a toy chest, and Johnny explains how he bought so many things for Winnie through the years that he just started keeping some at his own house for the time she’d be here with him.
You love that he’s not a man afraid to share his space with a six year old, even if the toy chest does stand out amongst the other furnishings.
The second level is where the bedrooms are, and Johnny lets you peek into Winnie’s room, where there are even more toys overflowing in baskets.
Two more guest bedrooms brings the grand total of sleeping locations to a whopping four, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s on your mind. “Do you think you’d ever want to raise a family here? You’ve got more than enough space for it.”
“Oh, definitely,” Johnny nods. “Some days, when I’m here alone, I think about how much nicer it would be to have a few of my own cubs running around…” he licks his lips, pausing to look at you. “I don’t think we’ve ever talked about whether or not you’d want to have kids.”
“But I’m sure you can guess my answer,” you smile.
Johnny nods, grinning. “I bet you’d love to be a mom, and you’d be good at it, too.”
“Thank you,” you feel heat rising in your skin. “I guess my affection for kids is hard to hide, huh?”
“It’s sweet,” he tells you, “just another one of those perfect attributes of yours.”
He pulls you in for a kiss, and you melt against him, enjoying the warmth of his body.
When Johnny moves away, you’re in something of a daze, and you blink up at him.
“Saved the best room for last,” he tells you, reaching down to take your hand and lead you down the hallway to the final door.
His room truly is the most impressive of them all, a master bedroom if you’ve ever seen one. With floor to ceiling windows along an entire wall, and a large space fitting a bed as well as a seating area, tv and fireplace, you think you could be very satisfied spending a lot of time here.
“Wow, John,” you let out a breath. “I can’t believe this is real, I can’t believe you actually live here-”
“So you like it?” he questions, pressing his body against your back and wrapping his arms around you, head on your shoulder. “My bear cave?”
“If this is a cave, I never want to go back to a real house,” you laugh.
“I might hold you to that,” Johnny says, voice low.
You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to enjoy the feeling of being in his embrace. And that’s when you feel something hard beginning to press against your bum.
You swallow thickly, leaning back against him while you gain your courage. You know Johnny’s not the type to force anything on you, and something tells you that if you don’t make this first move, you might miss your chance.
Turning in his arms, you look up into Johnny’s chocolate brown eyes. Then you’re kissing him, putting all the passion that’s been brewing into the meeting of your lips. You thread your fingers through his soft hair, eager to get close to him, closer than you’ve ever been before.
You can definitely feel the outline of his cock against your abdomen now, and his hands reach down to find your hips, anchoring you to the front of his body while his tongue glides against your own.
“John,” you moan when his lips move to your neck, “I need you.”
“Yeah?” His tongue grazes your sweet spot and you shiver in his embrace, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of him.
“More than I’ve ever needed anything,” you tell him, meaning it with all of your heart.
With a groan, Johnny reaches down, grabbing your ass and prompting you to jump so you can wrap your legs around his hips. In just a few steps, he can lower you to his bed, and you expect him to follow, to press you against the mattress with his large body-
But instead, he pulls away, looking down at you with dark eyes filled with lust. “You’re perfect,” he whispers, reaching down to play with the bottom of your dress. “I’ve been dreaming about how you’ll taste on my tongue.”
Your pussy throbs at the idea, and you gaze up at him with a body alight in anticipation. “Then… then you should taste me, John.”
The bear hybrid lets out another groan, and then he’s falling to his knees on the edge of the bed, large hands grabbing at your legs to pull you closer.
His lips find your calf, and then your knee. When his face is between your thighs, his pretty ears brush your skin and make you shiver.
“Ticklish?” he grins, continuing to pepper your thighs with soft kisses.
“Very,” you confirm, reaching down to pull the skirt of your dress higher, revealing your underwear to the man between your legs.
“Shit, Bee,” Johnny says, voice shaky as he looks at your core. “You’re soaked through your panties,” at first, his words make heat rise through your body, embarrassment- but then Johnny’s taking a deep breath, and he looks up at you when he comments, “It’s so hot.”
His hands grab at your hips, and in one motion, he’s pulled your pussy to his mouth, tongue pressing against the light pink fabric of your underwear.
It feels amazing, but it’s also such a tease- you can feel the wetness of his own tongue, but it’s just out of reach.
“Johnny, please,” you whimper, pushing your hips forward, wanting more-
His nose brushes by your clit and your legs shake on his shoulders, a gasp of pleasure leaving you as you throw your head back and close your eyes.
His fingers hook in your panties, and it’s a relief when he finally pulls them down your legs, discarding them over his shoulder before diving into your pussy. This time, there’s no fabric in his way, and his tongue licks at you directly, a sensation that drives you completely wild.
“John, it’s so good-” you groan, feeling the need to praise the man who pushes his tongue into your core.
He moans in response, and the vibration has your body tingling. You could get lost in something like this, and you can already feel your mind going practically blank. All that matters is the here and now, you and Johnny.
His nose brushes your clit again and a squeal of delight escapes you, your hands flying to grab at his soft hair and fuzzy ears. “John-”
He pulls his tongue out of your wet hole, licking a full stipe of your pussy before he begins to circle your clit, and you swear you’re in heaven.
You can feel tension building in the pit of your stomach, and you know you’re not going to last long like this. No one’s ever eaten you out before with such vigor, such a need to have you like putty in his hands, and you’re more than happy to comply. In fact, you don’t think you’ll be able to help yourself.
His lips suction around your clit and your legs shake on his shoulders, your grip tightening in his hair, which only makes him groan again. You gasp at the feeling, pushing your hips up, needing more contact-
“I’m close,” you whisper, pussy throbbing as he worships your most sensitive spots.
Suddenly, you feel something else, a finger slipping into your tight hole, and you let out another sound of pleasure. One digit becomes two, and they crook up expertly, reaching a spot that has you crying out.
“That’s it,” Johnny says, pulling just off your pussy, breath teasing your entrance. “I want you to cum, Bee. Want you to cum so bad-”
You let out a strangled gasp from the praise, and when his lips return to your clit, fingers pumping in and out of your pussy, you know you’re going to be a goner.
You pull on his hair, legs shaking as you teeter on the edge of ecstasy. When Johnny growls, the vibrations are enough to send you over, and your pussy clamps down on his fingers, whole body overcome with pleasure that brings a tear to your eye due to the intensity of it all.
He continues his motions, helping you through your high until you’re wiggling in his gasp. His free hand smooths against your abdomen, keeping you still while his tongue and fingers begin to slow.
When he pulls his mouth away, you can finally take a full breath, shuddering in the aftershocks of one of the most intense orgasms of your life.
“You’re just like you were in my dreams,” Johnny tells you, pulling his fingers from your core to suck on. He lets out a groan at your taste. “Sweeter than honey.”
You shouldn’t be in love with Johnny only after three dates, but with lines like this one, you know you most definitely are. In the after haze or your orgasm, you can’t even find it within yourself to care that he has you wrapped around his finger.
“Johnny,” you whisper his name, opening your eyes to look at the man who’s now standing by the edge of the mattress. “Need you now.”
“Let me just grab condoms,” he tells you, heading for the bedside table while tugging his shirt off.
Your pussy throbs just at the sight of him. He’s so big and built and bear-like, in the best possible way-
He undoes his pants, pulling out a condom package that he opens with his sharp teeth. Part of you thinks you should be getting naked too, especially when his briefs come down to join the pants on the floor, but as you watch him roll the rubber onto his large cock, you think maybe he’d enjoy it if the dress stays on… for just a little longer.
When Johnny turns to join you on the bed, you pat the space next to you. He quirks a brow, but follows through, falling flat onto his back. You take the opportunity to mount him, knees digging into the mattress on either side of his hips while you adjust your skirts, letting them fall over you both delicately.
“You can take this off of me in a minute,” you tell him, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips, “but you’ve always told me how much you like my dresses, so I thought-”
“You look amazing,” Johnny confirms, grabbing at your hips and urging you to grind down against his cock, which is caught between your bodies. “My cute princess.”
“My big bear,” you smile, lips moving to his neck while you continue to swivel your hips.
Johnny lets out a groan of appreciation and you kiss him again, tasting yourself on his tongue. You reach under your dress, wrapping your fingers around his cock and squeezing, which earns another moan from the man who makes such perfect sounds.
“How am I going to fit this inside of me?” you ask.
“You can go slow,” he assures you, already panting from your hand alone.
You pull away from his lips, sitting up straight and lifting yourself so you can adjust him beneath you. As you begin to lower yourself on his cock, you find yourself moaning desperately from just the head and the way it stretches you out so well.
You’ve taken some well endowed men before, and the tactic that always worked was small bounces, allowing your pussy to get used to the intrusion as you slowly work your way to fullness. However, Johnny’s bigger than anyone you’ve ever had.
“Relax,” he tells you, rubbing circles on your hips through your dress. “Take your time, princess.”
But you don’t want to take your time, you want him inside of you, completely. You want to feel him everywhere, and soon, you’re fully sinking down on his cock, eagerly bending over to press your lips to his again while you both moan at the feeling.
You begin to ride him, thighs straining with the effort, but the reward is worth the muscle ache, and you get lost in the feeling of his cock splitting you open. Johnny begins to meet your thrusts, abdominal muscles flexing with effort while his tongue invades your mouth and he eats up your sweet sounds.
“As much-” Johnny breaks your kiss, gasping. “As much as I like your dress, I want to see you.”
You straighten again, easily pulling the fabric from your body so all that’s left is your bra. You begin to reach behind yourself to undo the clasp, but Johnny beats you to it, sitting up and easily removing the last piece of clothing keeping you from him.
“Shit,” Johnny groans, cupping one of your breasts with his large hand while his lips find your other nipple. His teeth graze the sensitive bud and you cry out, tangling your fingers in his hair while your pussy clenches around his cock.
Johnny moans beneath you, pulling his mouth from your breasts. He looks up at you with a wildly desperate expression. “Can I take over?” he asks, breathless. “I don’t think I can hold back anymore.”
“Please.” No sooner is the word out of your mouth than his hand is securing around the small of your back and he’s rolling you both, pressing you down against the mattress as his large body dwarfs your own.
“If it’s too much, let me know,” Johnny tells you, swallowing thickly while gazing down at your form. “I can be rough sometimes, even if I don’t mean to be.”
“I’m sure I’ll be okay,” you smile, cupping his face. “I’ve never actually said this before but… Big Bear, break my back like a glowstick.”
Johnny laughs. “You got it, Bee.”
His lips find your neck, and you close your eyes, grabbing at his strong shoulders as his hips begin to move.
Now that he’s on top, he’s somehow fucking you even deeper than before, and each glide of his cock against your inner walls has your toes curling in pleasure.
He sucks on your sweet spot, making you gasp as his movements get rougher and rougher, the bed beginning to rock from the force of his thrusts.
“John,” you whimper, body alight from the feeling of him, “Don’t stop-”
He only grins, fucking you harder, one hand lifting your leg higher on his hip so his cock can hit a spot deep inside of you that has you gasping-
“Oh my god-”
“Close already, Bee?” Johnny chuckles.
“You just feel so good,” you tell him.
You’ve never experienced anything like this, and you’re not sure if it’s due to his big cock, his ability to use it, or the fact that you actually sort of love the guy you’re literally making love to.
“That makes two of us,” Johnny says, kissing you again and taking your breath away.
You try to focus on his lips, to slow the orgasm building in the pit of your stomach, but it’s hard to distract from the cock that's splitting you open like nothing ever has before.
“Shit,” your bear hybrid breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against the crook of your neck, “If you keep making sounds like that, I’m not going to last long-”
“Me neither,” you confess, although he already knew that. “John… you’ll cum with me, right?”
“How could I ever say no to you?” he groans, fingers flexing against your hips. “You’re already so tight, if you cum, I don’t think I’ll be able to help myself.”
You moan at his words, stroking your fingers across his strong back. “Please, I’m so close-”
The bear hybrid practically growls, and the sound goes straight to your core, making you throb around his cock.
“You feel so good, I’m going insane-” you continue your praise, as every time you speak, he somehow fucks you harder. You’re not quite sure where he’s getting his stamina from, but you’ll never be one to complain about it.
Johnny lets go of your hip, and then he’s pushing his hand between your bodies, fingers finding your clit.
A strangled moan escapes you at the contact, your eyes clenching shut as your body is suddenly teetering on the edge-
“Cum for me, Bee,” he pants against your throat, “I can’t hold it any longer.”
Your entire body tenses as pleasure erupts through you, muscles screaming at how good everything feels. Gasping sounds slip past your lips, and you hold onto Johnny’s shoulders tightly, mind completely blank as the most intense orgasm of your life overtakes you.
The bear hybrid lets out groans of his own, hips twitching as he fills the condom, fucking you through all the pleasure. When he kisses you, you’re already breathless, and his lips don’t help the situation. You’re completely overwhelmed by Johnny, and you’ve never loved anything more.
As you come down from your highs, his thrusts slow, and he stills on top of you, cock buried deep in your pussy while you both catch your breaths.
“Wow,” Johnny says, laughing a little to himself as his kisses move to your neck again. “That was even better than my dreams.”
“You’ve been dreaming about me a lot, haven’t you, Big Bear?” you grin, tracing nothings on his shoulders.
“More than I care to admit.” He swallows thickly. “And something tells me the dreams will only continue.”
“They better,” you smile up at him when he pulls away from your throat.
“You’re perfect, you know that?”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
With one last kiss to your lips, Johnny rolls off of you and stands up. You can’t help but watch him as he heads to the ensuite bathroom. His body is the most perfect thing you’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing and experiencing.
You take a few breaths while you wait for him to come back, trying to ground yourself.
After the bathroom, Johnny heads into his walk-in closet, coming out a moment later in a pair of black briefs. “I got you a shirt,” he says, holding it out for you. “As much as I love that dress, I think this might be more comfortable for you.”
“Thanks, Big Bear,” you grin, taking it and putting it on. The fabric swallows you up, and you smile at how good it feels to be wearing his clothes.
“I was thinking…” he sits on the bed next to you, hand smoothing up your thigh, “I’m pretty hungry after that workout. Can I make us something to eat?”
“I’d love that,” you say, sitting up.
“Good,” he takes your hand and pulls you to your feet before finding your panties on the floor. “Here, you might want these too.”
You laugh, accepting the underwear and bending over to slip them on.
“So what’s on the menu, chef?” you ask, following him out of the bedroom.
“Well, I know it’s not much, but I was thinking avocado toast.”
“Sounds perfect,” you grin, padding down the stairs after him to the main floor.
In the kitchen, you take a seat at the large island table, watching him as he heads to the fridge and pulls out a few ingredients.
You’re once again struck by how wonderful the silences can be with John. There’s no pressure to fill them with words, and you can simply relax while you watch your Big Bear hybrid work.
His muscles are particularly enthralling as he pulls out a knife and opens the avocado, setting half of it down before he begins to peel off the skin.
“Look at you go,” you smile, “opening that bad boy like a pro.”
Johnny flashes you a look and then lets out a laugh. “I used to absolutely brutalize avocados,” he confesses. “Yuta’s dad owns a sushi restaurant in Japan, so he knows how to do all this cooking stuff. The first time he saw me open one of these he nearly had an aneurysm.”
“Was it that bad?”
“I used to leave the peel on, slice it up, and then try to scoop it out with a spoon,” Johnny grins at the memory. “So yeah, pretty bad.”
You’d never have guessed Johnny would have had such humble beginnings with knife wielding, but you suppose everyone starts somewhere.
You enjoy watching his hands while he works, laying the peeled avocado flat while he slices it in perfect chunks. He’d put bread in the oven at the start, and as he finishes up with the avocado, he pulls the pan of toast out, the colour a nice golden brown.
“Do you make this sort of thing often?” you ask.
“Often enough,” Johnny nods. “Winnie likes her avocados almost as much as her honey.” He places the green slices on the bread, using a fork to press them down before he grabs salt and pepper.
“Can’t wait to try it,” you grin.
“There’s just one last ingredient though,” Johnny tells you, finding a jar of honey sitting on the counter. You watch as he drizzles the golden liquid on top of the avocado, and you can’t help but find the bear hybrid incredibly charming. “There we go,” he smiles, putting all the pieces onto a plate before coming around the table to join you on the bar stools.
“Cheers,” you say, holding up one slice for Johnny to gently touch with his own.
“To the bears, the bees, and the honey that connects them,” he muses.
“To us,” you agree, picking up on the metaphor.
You know that there’s technically nothing special about avocado toast, but it’s still one of the best things you’ve eaten in ages, and you find yourself groaning after the first bite.
“Is it really that good?” Johnny laughs, watching your expressions with a smile.
“Better than good,” you confirm. “If running a club doesn’t work out, you could always be a chef.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Johnny nods with a smile. “You haven’t even tried my barbecue yet.”
“Something tells me you know how to handle your meat.”
The bear laughs at your comment, and you realize too late the sexual connotation of your words.
“I didn’t mean-” you go to correct yourself, but you end up face palming instead, letting out a groan.
“You’re too cute,” Johnny assures you, resting a hand on your knee. “Hey, listen, if you want me to drive you home, I can, but… how would you feel about staying the night?”
“Really?” you blink at him.
He nods. “Really.”
“I think I’d love that,” you admit.
“Perfect, then it’s settled. Mi casa es su casa.”
You smile at the notion of his house being your house. “Since when did you speak Spanish?”
“There’s still a lot you don’t know about me.” His thumb rubs circles on your thigh.
“Well,” you reach down to cover his hand with your own, “I can’t wait to find out more.”
Johnny had closed the blinds last night, so when you wake up in a literal man cave, you kind of want to see the sun. However, Johnny looks so peaceful lying next to you, his plump lips just slightly parted, his fluffy ears twitching from whatever is happening in his dream land- and you think it would be a shame to wake him so abruptly to the light.
You take the time to appreciate him, wondering how you ever got so lucky to end up where you are now. You’d always had a crush on him, but you’d never expected it to be anything more.
You’re so happy that he’d felt the same way you had. If he’d never made a move and asked you out, well- you don’t want to think about that.
When you shift ever so slightly, Johnny’s eyes open, and he squints at you, letting out a groan. “Are you okay?” he asks, voice gruff from sleep.
“I’m perfect,” you tell him. “Are you waking up now?”
“It’s too early,” Johnny grunts, pulling you closer and burrowing his face in your neck.
“I guess I’m used to waking up at this time,” you note.
“Do you have to go? Is there work?”
“I’m thinking of calling in sick, that is… if you want me to spend the day with you.”
“Fuck, yes please.” His breath is hot against your throat.
“I’m just going to step out to make the call, and when I come back, do you mind if I open these blinds? I know this is your bear cave and all, but if you’re going to sleep a little longer, I’d love some light to read a book or something.”
Johnny only groans, but you take it as an affirmative as you untangle yourself from his grasp.
Five minutes later, the room is lit with sunshine and you’re slipping into bed next to him again. Your family has always been extra close with the owner of Queen B’s Honey, so calling in had been simple, and you’re excited about what your day with Johnny will bring.
You’ve found a book to read, some fiction off Johnny’s bookshelf, and when you get under the covers, Johnny is quick to cuddle up next to you again. “Can I put my head in your lap?” he asks, voice as groggy as ever.
“Of course, Big Bear,” you smile, adjusting to allow him to curl up next to you. He lets out a deep breath once he’s settled, and you smooth your hands through his hair, gently scratching at the base of his ear.
Johnny lets out a deep groan. “Feels good.”
He falls asleep just seconds later, and you continue stroking him while you read.
Time flies by, and you’re not sure how long you’ve been reading when Johnny finally wakes up again. He lets out a soft groan, cuddling closer to your side. “Good morning.”
“Hi, sleepy bear.”
“I had dreams about you,” he says softly.
“You did?”
“Uh huh,” his hand strokes by your thigh.
“What happened in your dream?” you press, gently scratching his fluffy ear.
Johnny lets out a laugh. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk about it.”
“Was it something bad?”
“Something good,” he confirms. “It involved a few cubs running around.”
Your heart thumps wildly in your chest. “Wow, John, I didn’t know you were really thinking that far ahead in the future for us.”
“I can’t help it,” he confesses, rolling onto his back to look up at you. “I know we’ve only had a few dates, but… well, I’ve been into you for months. It’s at a point where I don’t even really look at other girls, and I’m fine if you don’t want to be exclusive or anything-”
“Who said I don’t want to be exclusive?”
A lazy smile covers Johnny’s face, and he sits up, cupping your cheek in his warm hand. “You really want to give this a try?”
“I’d be stupid not to, don’t you think?”
“I mean… I’ve met girls who will only see me as a hybrid, as someone to mess around with for a little while before finding a human partner again. I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t see a future for us.”
“Oh, John,” you shake your head, “I’m not like those other girls.”
“I guess not,” he leans in, pressing his lips to yours.
You feel so blessed to be able to give this a shot with Johnny, a real shot. It’s all you’ve ever wanted, and as he pulls you into his arms, you have a feeling that everything is going to work out better than either of you could possibly imagine.
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🔮 preview. “Give me a sec and I’ll pull off to a residential street,” he tells you, flicking his turn signal on. “It will take a minute or two longer to get home, but something tells me you won’t mind.” He’s literally the perfect man, and you’re working to get his zipper undone the moment you’re off the main road. Johnny lifts his hips, helping you tug his jeans down just enough to get at your prize.
cw/ tw. Exhibitionism, blowing Johnny while he drives, hand job, sex outside in the forest on a car, car sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink, dirty talk, praise, quickie, etc… I pet names: (hers) Bee, Princess. (his) Big Bear, John.
👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2k I teaser wc. 350
🌙 staring. Johnny x afab!reader
bonus
Going to a baseball game is one of your favourite family outings. Between you, Johnny, his sister, and his sister’s husband, the four adults can handle the four cubs that run around you like excitable little rascals at all times.
Hotdogs and popcorn are cheap, and Winnie, as the oldest of the group of kids, spends the whole game explaining what’s happening to your sons, who are much too young to care about baseball.
You and Johnny sit on either side of Winnie, each holding a wiggling three year old twin in your arms. Winnie’s mom and her dad are in the row just in front of you, their own two year old in their grasp.
“So now,” the nearly ten year old Winnie explains to the toddler in your arms, “the bases are fully loaded, and the game is almost over, so the guy with the big bum has to make this hit-”
Johnny murmurs the name of the player up to bat, but Winnie ignores him. She has names for each man on the pitch, and it just so happens that the man swinging has the biggest butt.
The crack of the ball against the bat alights the stadium in cheers as everyone at their bases begin to run, and Johnny stands, holding his toddler while he watches. His baseball cap is backward, but it’s still clear by the jersey he’s wearing that he’s a home pitch superfan. “Go, go, go!” he screams. “Run, butt guy, run!”
You love him, and your perfect family.
You stand too, as this last run of the game is important to your evening plans. If your home team wins, Johnny’s sister will take your twins for the night and give you and Johnny some alone time. However, if her away team wins, you and Johnny are on babysitting duty.
“Go, butt guy! Go!” Winnie cheers, and you find it almost comical how the little girl has no clue that she’s helping cheer on the odds of her sweet Uncle John getting laid.
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Serious rambling time cause ive already been feeling lonely and stressed out and burnt out and bad for the last like week.
Debating on dropping Tumblr rp again cause.. idk. Don't have the time or mental space for it rn. Desperately want to write or rp but I feel like my writings bad and that Tumblr rp just.... makes my mental health bad?
Like, I don't like Tumblr rp format. As much as I try. I like starters and just going off and seeing what evolves from them. But I don't like the short form? Like, I maybe get 20 notes into a rp usually less and it dies off. Like, that's no one's fault- we have lives, jobs, health, both mental and physical to deal with. I forget regularly about threads cause of add. But like, when I get really excited or involved in a thread and it just dies it really triggers RSD for me and makes me feel like I'm shit at writing or people don't like my style or don't like me and like I know it's not healthy cause I know that's probably not true but I can't help it? And it still hurts.
It's just, tumblr is so fast paced and there's always so many threads that I can't keep up or if I can I still get fixated on an idea and lose the motivation for other threads because I want to continue a specific one?
I like long form stuff, I like talking about potential plot and like talking ooc as I'm writing and that just doesn't really happen here on tumblr? And that's probably my fault. I'm not super outgoing. I'm nervous to reach out to people even if I desperately want to! I want to be closer with a lot of you! I wanna rp more with a lot of you! But I'm fucking terrified of putting myself out there and I'm frustrated at myself for that.
But I'm scared of making friends and losing them cause I've realized I'm losing friends just cause life is pulling me away from them and I honestly don't have a lot of friends anymore
It's gonna sound fucking dumb but I miss writing of Google docs. An old friend and I in an old fandom use to have Google docs that were 100s of pages long and we'd sit and write and it was so fun and exciting seeing their cursor pop up and ooc messages pop up in real time or you'd see a message waiting for you and idk.
I'm trying to get back into writing fic/dribbles because I'm desperately wanting to write to the point I've been upset that I'm not writing and I want to but I can't get myself to reply to the starters in my inbox which I think are the only things I have to respond to.
If I drop tumblr I won't be deleting the page, I'd just, not really be on it. Idk I probably won't but it's not like im on here much anymore unless I wanna look at art.
I honestly don't think I'll drop it cause I threaten it a lot to myself but I hate getting rid of things cause I'm getting rid of memories. And I don't like that.
Just needed to fucking word vomit because I've been crying like non stop most of today and I'm tired and keeping it all in was making it worse. Going to bed now cause my shoulder is still fucked and I have to work tomorrow long hours with no ac on a crowded and hot weekend.
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when i get involved w peopel i always very quickly get the sense that the other person likes me a lot more than i like them which makes me feel so uneasy and uncomfortable and guilty, like im puttin on an act and trying not to get caught. but also like mad that theyre over interpreting how i interract w them and assuming its the same head over heelsness as theyre feeling, like theyr eputting words in my mouth :/ its not as if i dislike them at all, but i can tell they are way more invested in me than i am them :( i feel like im deficient in that sense and can never rlly feel true love or attraction like that wholesale like other ppl seem to be able to and ill never find true love bc of it ughhhhh.
but the one time i DO feel genine yearning and love and affection to someone its w a girl itll never happen w cuz she moved ;O; she was a grad student in print n me and a couple otehr print gworls got super close, but i graduated before them and i felt like they didnt give a shit about me after even tho i tried so hard to keep up the connection. she graduated in may n recently moved outta state fir work next i see shes made an insta post talking abt another girl in the group as her best friend n how grateful she was to have met her and im just like :’‘‘‘‘‘‘( so jealous and sad and mad at happenstance that i happened to graduate when i had to and they still didnt and because fo this someone else became the closest one to her.... like the one time i feel like im feeling actual love this is what happensssssssss but what can i do abt it!!!!! im also so mad ive been made to feel liek such an outsider and scrapped by ppl just bc i moved like... slightly farther away. liek they never responded to texts never tried to reciprocate when i tried making plans never tried to reach out first to make plans w me themselves
makes me feel awful bc im dating a rlly nice girl rn, we ARE explicitly open and casual bc we r both moving in 2 weeks n knew we’d have to split at the end of the summer but i just find myself thinking abt how much fun and geuine joy and how relaxed id be having if i was with the other girl and how i could actually b myself instead of putting on the act in front of my gf bc she expects the same amout of love she feels towards me *from* me. but i also feel like my gf and i are dating more out of proximity and convenience cuz we’re both 20 somns living at home w parents in the burbs, but i dont think she rlly gets me in the way i know the other girl does and has. like we like each other but at a fundamental level dont mesh. somethign somethign divergent evolution of a twitter user vs a lifelong tumblr girlie.
when i think of the other girl i want to cook for her bc i love how happy she looks when she eats the food i make, i wanna talk about dumb shit without putting on the front i have to w my gf so she doesnt feel totally confused, i wanna crochet for her i wanna decorate for her but its never happening!!!!!!!!!
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boyfriend application, yjw
you signed up for the vice president position in decelis academy as a joke, but the joke quickly faded when they announced you as the vice president. you decided to make an application and post it on your twitter account because you were tired of not having a love life outside of school. but what if the president of the student council sends you his application?
pairing stuco president!jungwon x stuco vp!reader (fem)
genres/troupes fluff, angst, slowburn, acquaintances to lovers, social media au, highschool au, mutual (?) pining
warnings cursing, over-used jokes, jokes about death, reader is dense (kind of) + more tba
featuring enhypen, ive, itzy, txt, aespa , cravity, xdinary heroes, an oc
author's note hello this is my first time doing a smau on tumblr so pls bare w me T^T im not rlly used to making smaus on tumblr so it might not look good. anyways ive been having a jungwon brainrot and thought that i should write a smau for him so here i am :] send an ask to be added to the taglist!! <3
taglist closed.
status on-going, updates irregular
y/n and friends jungwon and friends
01 j*ngwon making moves ???
02 won?
03 he did what
04 he told me u liked cats!
05 we'll pay you back
06 she's desperate
07 chill jungwon ur omega side is showing.
08 tell me why im getting emotional over this
09 what if we give it a try?
10 ur so down bad for me
11 grow some balls man
12 woot woot he did it
13 what if we kissed in front of wangshu inn
14 he's salty becausekoddksm @*#*?#(×
15 congrats
16 status: feeling like shit
17 this is why i kin diluc
18 miss u2 ig..
19 she's back
20 ditched?
21 guess who she likes
22 school tmr?!
. . . special chapter: ynwon's first date! (what if yn didn't go with euri)
23 this is gaslighting
24 i don't understand
25 @/YN_isAjerk
26 reported and sorry
27 we're okay #Yass!
28 g eff?! WHAT!!?
29 lotte world date <3
30 #DecelisPromSlay!
© maiwon 2022. rbs are appreciated. <33
#jungwon#yang jungwon#jungwon fluff#jungwon scenarios#jungwon smau#enhypen#enhypen fluff#jungwon angst#enhypen angst#jungwon oneshots#jungwon x reader#enhypen au#enhypen x female reader#jungwon au#jungwon social media au#📝 : boyfriend application ! ☆
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i was tagged by @you-are-so-much-better-than-that and @mikhailoisbaby to do this fic writer/artist tag! ive never seen an artist version of this so this is exciting :D
1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?
i dont post art on ao3 but i post fics there,,,,not gonna say my username though
2. What is your total art count?
we gotta be like 500+ by now
3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?
they’re all dan and phil surprise surprise i was surprised that the first one has 12k notes for some reason. im just going to link them
spooky week sketches amazingphil shop spon PHIL QUIFF DEBUT!!! black ‘n’ white dan phil is not on fire collection
4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i try to but sometimes i forget and i also dont have notifcations on any social media turned on so i miss a lot of things
5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?
currently drawing for umbrella academy, shameless and stranger things. first fandom i properly drew for was one direction but i was drawing stuff for like panic at the disco and powerpuff girls and my little pony and my chemical romance when i was like 7
6. Have you ever received hate on any art?
tonnes lol, i’d say every 2-3 pieces i draw gets some kind of negative attention. recently there’s been an asshole in my asks accusing me of fetishising ian and mickey so thats something to look forward to every time i pose
7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?
i want to go back to shows i watched as a kid like total drama island and draw the characters in my art style, i did it with the winx club earlier this year and it was fun. i want to draw harringrove but im not mentally prepared to be like,,,sent death threats atm
8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
i dont know tbh ian and mickey are up there i guess
9. Do you draw outside of fandom?
yeah im a graphic designer so i draw a lot of shit
10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?
this one actually
11. Do you draw smut?
sometimes
12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?
yeah of course, someone sells my shit on redbubble and i have to keep reporting them
13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?
yes! @mishervellous and i did that amazing comic together for gallacrafts and im so proud of that! also collaborated with a lot of dan and phil artists to make a calendar, a phil is not on fire poster and some general collabs for fun (if anyone wants to collab hmu bc im down)
14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?
i really want to draw drummer mickey for some reason
15. What are your drawing strengths?
people i guess, maybe like details on clothes and stuff?
16. What are your drawing weaknesses?
hands and feet lol
17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?
im so proud of this drawing even though no one really liked it, like looking at it makes me so happy
18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?
like harvey said haha i also use the same colour palette especially skin tones and hair colours also i sketch a lot of the drawings traditionally and then trace over it on photoshop
19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?
myself. i would still be drawing even if no one notices it. heck i draw so much stranger things stuff only for a top of 10 people across instagram, twitter and tumblr to interact with it.
20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight
i sit at my desk and use a wacom tablet and my laptop. I have my other laptop open and im normally listening to a tv show that ive seen so i dont have to pay attention or a play through of a game or some creepy stories. sometimes i listen to music on my record player. i always spend ages looking at pose references and rage quitting when i dont draw it right the first time before coming back to it a few hours later. i draw mostly in the evenings, after dinner. sometimes i drink a hot chocolate if its late enough lol.
im gonna tag @mishervellous @doodlevich @heymrspatel @adakechi
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Hi! Could i request hcs for Diluc and Xiao with a reader who is shy? Thank you!
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: xiao, diluc (separate) x gn!reader
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: a few swears in diluc’s! (it’s like one or two)
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: this is actually my first tumblr post.... ive been super busy with school, sports, and other stuff. sorry! ill try to write more in the future! (constellations has been doing everything so far since i still dont know how tumblr works lol)
also, these are stupid long... and for what.
adventuring was a lot for you to process
okay, so maybe having your own Benny’s Adventure Team was not great while traveling through Dragonspine and Liyue
too many of everything
you ended up getting really beat up.
after passing through Mingyun Village, you could see Wangshu Inn and decided to stay there until you were healed up
you always found comfort in the night sky, so you went out there every day
It was your fifth night staying at the inn before you saw a short male standing on the balcony where you would usually be. Strange. You’d never seen anyone like that before.
You seemed to have caught him off guard when you started to approach him since he jumped a little.
Taking a closer look at his face, you studied it a bit. He had golden eyes and dark teal hair that seemed to frame his face perfectly, accompanied by lighter streaks of the same colour.
Pretty... you thought, completely entranced by this strange man (boy?).
“Ah, sorry. I’m probably disturbing you... I’ll go now...”
He blinked.
god he’s in love
not even romantic love but he loved you like the past adepti
xiao would see so many couples over the years that he’s been at the inn and absolutely hated them, but this??
okay it’s a different type of love but damn it felt nice
You started to turn and walk back to your room before hearing his voice.
“Stay.”
STAY??? WE MOVING KINDA FAST BUT ALRIGHT PRETTY BOY !!
On the outside, you were cooler than a cucumber. The inside? Chaos. Millions of thoughts raced throughout that little head of yours.
“Only if you’re fine with it...”
Turning back around, you took a few steps forward before noticing that he wore a lot of accessories on him. One of them being a mask that resembled one of the Vigilant Yaksha’s in that one book you read as a kid. Probably just a fan or something.
You reached the balcony, taking a spot next to him while also keeping some space between the two of you. Leaning on the balustrade (the railing of a balcony), you rested your head on top of your arms.
A comfortable silence was placed in the middle of the two. A silent breeze blew, adding to the mellow mood.
“What brings you here?” the pretty stranger suddenly inquired, gaining a small jolt from your serene state. “Did I scare you? My apologies.”
“Oh, uh, it’s nothing...” You lifted your head to look out at the lands of Dihua Marsh. Seeing Dragonspine in the distance gave you a chill. Those were not the greatest memories. The small movement didn’t go unnoticed by the boy.
“You’re an adventurer?”
“Oh... yeah, I am... I’m not that experienced yet, though...”
for SOME REASON... this man felt even more inclined to protect you
you still had a fair amount of bandages wrapped around your limbs, so it was clear that you were injured
GOD IF HE COULD JUST HUG YOU RIGHT THERE AND THEN
but he did not.
he has restraint.
he is a good boy.
“I met a traveler that wasn’t very experienced either.” This fact shocked you. So he has been here for a while... but why hadn’t you seen him before? Does he just... disappear into thin air..?
the answer is yes
he does indeed do that
but that’s besides the point.
“Oh... that’s nice...”
It was getting late. The moon was starting to lower back down and the lids of your eyes were getting heavier and heavier by the minute. You let out a yawn, but it was muffled by your head being buried in your arms once again.
“You should go get some rest.” You hummed.
Then, a thought popped into your head.
“If you don’t mind me asking... what’s your name?”
Even though you weren’t facing him, you could feel his piercing gaze on you. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but gave you a feeling of protection.
“Xiao.” You mouthed his name to yourself silently. It was nice.
“Goodnight, Xiao. I hope that we can do this again soon.”
“Goodnight to you...”
“(Y/N).”
“...(Y/N).”
you were a cryo catalyst that tried to fight against some cryo slimes alone
hint: that was a bad idea
my favourite elemental reaction was immune!
literally... you couldn’t even do anything to them
and you were getting beat up.
badly.
for plot convenience you were at the lake next to Dawn Winery
“Shit...”
At this point, you’d been fending these slimes off for around a quarter of an hour now and you were getting tired now.
Your dumbass tried to drown them in the lake but forgot that they immediately froze any moisture underneath them. You tried attacking them but everything you could do was inflict the freeze effect (against CRYO slimes).
You literally could not do anything. Time to get frozen to death!
“Burn!”
WHAT???
Suddenly, a big fire bird swept up the slimes that had been occupying you for the last 20 minutes or so, effectively taking them out.
At this point, the only thing that kept you standing was your adrenaline, which quickly ran out as you dropped to the ground in exhaustion. You let out a sigh, finally free from those damned slimes. You will have your revenge one day... just not today.
While you were resting on the ground, your saviour had been standing there, watching you calm down. And so you looked up to be greeted by probing crimson orbs, which definitely startled you.
Your saviour was.... Master Diluc. Master Diluc Ragnvindr, wealthiest man in Mondstadt. Him. In front of you.
“OH! I, um, Master Diluc! What brings you here?”
‘WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE??’ HE LIVES HERE THOUGH??
“I was taking a stroll around the winery and happened to see you in your own predicament.”
You attempted to stand up, though your legs failed you as you only flopped back onto the dirt.
diluc doesn’t wanna admit it but that was unbelievably stupid, cute, and endearing
okay and what if this emo boy doesn’t like people
he still has feelings too >:(
“I’ll stay here with you so you won’t get attacked again. So relax.”
Mans was telling you to “relax” while you were in the presence of a literal typhoon here. He was so brooding and scary-looking all the time that you couldn’t even try to relax.
A few minutes pass and the sound of water rushing was the only thing keeping you two company.
It was nice to enjoy nature, but the tension between the two of you was still higher than ever.
To break this silence, you had tried to stir up some small talk.
“The weather is nice today, huh...”
He grunted, which seemed to be a regular response of his. You started to notice this after a few questions like “how’s your day been” or “have any plans today?”
Not that you were genuinely interested. You bet that he could tell that you were trying to make it less awkward by responding at all, but it just didn’t help at all.
You were probably sitting for a good 10 minutes before deciding to stand up again, in which you were successful. But could you walk back to the city?
That was debatable.
You definitely felt and looked unstable, so being the gentleman he was raised to be, Diluc reluctantly bent down and slung your shoulder over his.
The height difference between the two of you was pretty big, so he ended up just carrying you to his place. As goofy as it looked, it got the job done.
― riri ✨
#genshin x reader#diluc x reader#xiao x reader#genshin headcanons#genshin imagines#genshin scenarios#genshin#genshin xiao#genshin diluc#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact scenarios#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact#diluc scenarios#diluc#gi diluc#genshin impact xiao#xiao#ririsann
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I come here for words of wisdom. Every time I read a fanfic about Bakugou being a fuckboy I normally laugh it off because it sounds ridiculous in my mind, although sharing this thought with other people made me realize that some actually think he might be in the future???? So, I want your honest opinion. Not just about that, but I'd genuinely love to know your input on how Bakugou would be in his late-teens, early adulthood, before (for the sake of it) meeting X and settling. Would he sleep around? Would he try for a relationship and fail? What would fail? What would make him settle? Would he really just focus on hero work and that's it? So. Many. Questions.
Hope everything is going great for you. I haven't been on tumblr much (am I the only one noticing the insane wave of wattpad writing here??? p.o.v. and all??????) but I've been following your stuff, and as always, it's incredible. 💞💕
PLS - okay this is so nice to see bc i’ve actually been taking a break from tumblr/writing for the past month. (mental refresh u kno?) aND YESTERDAY I CAME BACK AND SCROLLED THRU MY DASH AND SAW WATTPAD STUFF JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
i was shocked. aghast. completely bewildered. pls i even caved and searched up bakugou fics just to see if everyone else is treating him like that,, and like i dont even know why i did that, because ofc i knew the answer was gonna be yes!! the answer is always yes !!! like i just saw so many fics of him as such a “ooo daddy dom badboy bakugou 🥴🥴” and like why???? bakugou is such a frickin nerd?? and thats sooooooo funny?? whY STRIP HIM OF HIS COMEDIC POTENTIAL ???
but yes yes specifically about bakugou being a fuckboy..... yeah i have no idea where the fuck they get that from. like- did we watch the same show???? sex and especially being naked are such vulnerable things at their core, and they rlly think Mr. Anti-Vulnerability is gonna be the one to sleep around??? to willingly put himself into a vulnerable situation time and time again?? no. pls. c’mon y’all. sometimes i think even todoroki would be more likely.
and just- to sleep around you have to be very comfortable showing interest in other people, over and over and over again. and i just- bakugou doesn’t even admit that his friends are his friends???? and somehow they think that suddenly he’s gonna go around telling people “hey. i like you. and by admitting that to you, i am therefore giving you a slight bit of power over me.”
i- no. he’d never. period, end of story. he would rather be fuckin’ dead. so the answer is no, as he currently is, i cannot for the life of me see why he’d ever become a fuckboy. he just doesn’t have it in him lmaoooooo
ooo but about the what makes him settle question- THANK YOU IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT IT.
okay so how i see it, is bakugou is probably totally and completely fine being alone up until his like mid 20’s. sure he thinks maybe it’d be nice to have somebody, but he works so hard that it’s always a fleeting feeling. but then he gets a little older, settles into his spot on the rankings (#3 btw, im soRRY kats but its the truth!!) and watches all his friends get into meaningful relationships. and then, a few more years down the line (think late 20’s/ early 30’s) he’ll be sitting back and being like “shit. i don’t have anybody like that. somebody who’s just for me. who’d pick me first always.”
and i think that is what he wants most of all. i mean, he’s clearly chock-full of insecurities related to that idea, and i cant imagine him ever settling without that need being fufilled. like, i think eventually he’ll probably abandon the idea of being #1 hero, but he’ll still keep that dream of being #1 somehow. so once he finds somebody that always has his back, always puts up with his shit and still loves him at the end of it?? still looks at him with stars in their eyes day after day??? pls. mans is putty and will never even dream of leaving
but that being said- i dont think he’s gonna find The One on first try. i think he’ll be aiming for that, but i cant see it working out. even when he starts seriously dating around his mid 20s, i think he’ll still be too caught up with his hero work. it’ll take him a good few years and one/two failed relationships to finally find a balance that works for him and whoever he ends up with
@i-need-air tysm for asking,,,, clearly i have a lot of thoughts and i love him sm so this was so fun!!!!!! i loved this ask ty!!!!
#bakugou katsuki#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugou#bakugou x reader#bnha fic#mha bakugou#bakugou imagine#bakugou ask#bnha#mha
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(personal post, not really ew-related :O )
i LOVE that tumblr shows you reblog tags now - i remember going through individual posts with like, maybe 40 notes absolute tops and getting frustrated years ago, very much appreciate the change. makes it a lot more fun to engage with fandom :D (im generally too shy to say anything directly to people so thats why its usually just tags haha)
also i wonder if i should ball all my daily posts into one dump a day or something? i cant imagine its super exciting for half the posts in shipsworld to be from the same artist every time, especially because my style is pretty inconsistent in terms of completion; (sketch/lines/colours/etc)
ive been operating on the “holy shit! two cakes!” analogy in terms of producing eddsworld content - started too embarrassed to post stuff because i never made “finished” stuff but then figured someone out there would like it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ esp because i dont technically consider myself an artist, per se, and i never had any success with it.
anyway i think i said it somewhere before but im really enjoying ew as a comfort media - i last watched it when i was like, idk, 18 or 20 or something? so its really interesting that theres still an active fandom of varying ages i think! (also heres ur regular reminder im a 27 year old adult 👌)
also sorry if i try to do something new when im drawing and it looks a little silly - im trying to convince myself to expand my pose repertoire by trying new things even if im not sure theyll look good haha
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Hey, asking you this as nicely as I can but can you give the immediate victim blaming a break. The absolute lack of respect you have for the people tmc abused is genuinely disheartening. Yes, he’s a shitty person, you’re entitled to hate him but immediately going “well you should’ve seen it coming earlier lol we’ve been saying this” is just ASTONISHINGLY shortsighted and cruel. Have your opinions about him and the situation all you want I would just ask that you please keep it to yourself due to the many many people he’s hurt that are still on here and can see you disparaging them.
ok, that is not what i have been saying. "well you should've known" is not an accurate summary of my feelings on this matter but apologies if thats how it came across. i have been in an abusive relationship where the person did a lot of the same things and i, too, defended that person without considering how it impacted other people. i almost lost my best friend because of how i acted as a result of keeping him in my life while people around me kept telling me to get tf out. i know.
what i am is im frustrated and annoyed by how long people were willing to publicly and passionately defend this guy while apparently fully aware what kind of shit he was doing to other people, many of which is detailed in the callout itself, and how this is now being framed as news. before the document itself was published all me (or anyone) had to go off of was vague posts that amounted to a "callout trailer" and almost all of the information on it was shit that was 100% completely public knowledge. 20+ people being aware of all that goddamn stuff and not one of them publicly stopping associating with him is frustrating. it comes across as spineless and yes, like one anon told GD, gaslighty (although i have my own issues with this being used on a large scale instead of in interpersonal relationships but i understand where they were coming from). his lesbophobia, transphobia (strange that none of the transphobia towards trans men was mentioned?), and panphobia/aphobia/biphobia were widely documented and seeing that on a callout post as if it were news was extremely tiring.
ive since read the callout. the interpersonal actions seem to have been horrible but sadly im not surprised (by which i dont mean "and neither should you" but rather. my spidey senses for this sort of behavior are pretty accurate most of the time and i did see this coming. this isnt me saying im Better than these people or that they shouldve as well but rather that i have learned to identify people of this genre.) by any of them.
also im 75% sure this is tumblr user GD. hello. if not then apologies, its just that the typing here is very similar. if it is, i think you trying to both take accountability for this and process whatever it is youre processing at the same time on tumblr is a bad idea and going to just lead to people feeling hurt and betrayed because while i truly do see where the reaction is coming from (like, truly, i understand, believe me), if you say "i take responsibility for how i acted while being manipulated" but then when people voice their negative feelings you tell them theyre victim blaming you it is going to reflect poorly on you. i dont think you understand how many people were absolutely hurt by the enabling you and your large, massively popular group of friends did for him, including the MASSIVE defense rant you typed up in defense of him when someone sent an ask to the bi jon event about him being panphobic and aphobic. whether its fair for people to expect you to immediately go into depth about it is questionable but dont invite people to do this when you obviously cannot handle it (i dont mean this in a bad way like "oh you should handle it". i mean genuinely this is how you get burnt out and possibly worsen possible future trauma. by trying to immediately placate people without having the mental resources to do so.)
i think the "we dont condone these views and never did!" without ever specifying what they were or doing any other work there is a lazy fucking cop-out. your circle was/is massively popular and a lot of people took all of you as authorities on stuff like headcanons and respectful portrayals of certain characters or identities to the point of accepting your meta as canon (something you havent really dissuaded ever), and associating publicly with someone who would constantly do this kind of shit and then defending him publicly while also positing yourself as an authority isnt something you can just "oops! we never agreed with him!" yourself out of. GD & TF specifically, you are massive blogs. you are babys first TMA blog. people in your askbox hurt and betrayed by this shit are not necessarily there to victim blame you. they are there because they trusted your word when they said "hey seraf reblogged anti pan and anti ace and weird transphobic posts" and you said "seraf is one of my dearest friends and would never do any of those things and im personally offended youd even imply that." i think you dont understand the real life consequences of the massively popular posts and sentiments he made & published and that you helped spread (despite apparently knowing that he was being a massive hypocrite and bigoted towards those groups or identities in his personal life). obviously interpersonal abuse/conflict is going to be "worse" but dear god i hope you collectively understand that "oh btw we never endorsed his views" is a massive copout and a shit apology for the hurt this association and endorsement caused. tmc has been terrorizing this fucking fandom for months with his bullshit and bigotry and you have not been passive bystandars but active enablers.
anyways, hope everyone involved gets to uh, heal i suppose, but i think expecting the people who seraf suicide baited, the groups of trans men he misgendered, the people who he targeted and harassed, the genuine fucking long lasting dysphoria he caused real people to have over his shitty takes re: transness and dysphoria, and the general shit behavior he was allowed to keep up with zero pushback from anyone in his circle of the fandom to drop all the anger or frustration they have for the people who enabled him and defended him aggressively is... unrealistic. and makes you look bad. especially when the doc doesnt even clarify which opinions you still support.
#disk horse#abuse ment#long post#also im ngl some of the shit in the doc rly didnt need to be there if it genuinely was just a warning or whatever#also from what my jewish friends have said the whole section about converts not being jewish seems recklessly irresponsible as a thing to#include with any amount of authority re: the status of converts#But whatever.
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2, 3, 6, 7, 20 ( ignore the ones you're uncomfy with ) also ily
im typing htis in the dakr bc im not supposed to b eusing my cimpiter hehehe my rtpos are gonna b a hundred times worse im seorry
Q2. what is your preferred method of non-physical self destruction? — HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM probably listening to sad songs, wallowing in my self pity, trying not to cry and not reaching out to anyone when i know they will hear me out and be there for me. like thinking about everything i hate abt myself is never ending so i'll never run out of material!1!!! and then i end up thinking about all the horrible things ive done and the only irl best friends i had before and YEAHHH WHEWWW
Q3. what is your favorite way to self care? — girl do i even do self care,,, p sure i dont sobs. BUTT talking to a person who i feel like im not forced to talk to liek osmeone i genuinely feel liek talkign tot at that moment and doesnt make me feel like shit or make me feel like i need to say smth witty or anytign remotely funny and try hard just like?#$%^&* MALKES ME SO HAPPY?%^&*@ nika bestay im esp talking abt you muah muah you dont have tumblr but thats FIIIIIINE
Q6. what is something that you’ve always wanted to do but have never been able to do? — bro i itray hav no ambition rn im so sCARED#?$%^&* but i think ive always wanted to play an instrument, learn to sketch propely and be an extroverted person who always makes her family proud </3 yeah i;'ll tell you when that happens 👍 OH LMAO AND WORK ON MY ANGERY ISSUES GOODBYEEE
Q7. what is your fatal flaw? — naw sir the REAL question should be fatal flaws because whew girl do i have a LOT 🤡🤡 anyway im very VERY prideful it will literally get me killed one day. i can be very over confident and condescending, if i feel slightly threatened i will say he meanest shit just so i dont get hurt first, i often dont blame myself or takje a step back from the situation and look where someting went wrong i'll just blame the other person/people first, i run away from all my problems first and solve it when i feel like it. i can also be entitled andattention seekign are these even fatal flaws hold awn...
Q20. tell me what you think others think about you. — here comes the self loathing.... S0GH i honestly think im not that important ngl. also that im very unfunyn and try too hard 👍 oh they might also think i dont care abt them bc im never online... lemme look away rq. that im loud and make WAYY TOOOO MANY typos <///3 overall not the best person to be around ngl like theres always someone better 🤭😇👌🤣😂 BUTT i'd also like to think my friends think i can like..... im like....... icanlikeshowaffectionorimaffectionateoriHAVElovetogiveandstuffokbye
#that was quite a bit of shit talkign about mysel fhuh#im so sorry omgh#literally that was mbrassing ngl
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okay, so ive been reliving my own trauma to engage in conversations about rape all day, so i really wanna make this point over here as well, because a lot of people on tumblr really need to hear this.
yes, it's extremely important that "the good men" speak up and confront the rape culture in their communities; that they address it head-on and call out their buddies when they say rapey and misogynistic shit. that they are vocal, not only to their best friends, but to their families and in classes, at work, in the locker room etc. about that shit not being cool. this is important to make rapists afraid of being rapists.
but something that is also really important that i rarely see even mentioned, is to put focus on women's reactions to hearing other women come forward with their stories. i know that for a lot of women skepsism may root in the fear that this is things that are actually happening. and it could be your dad, or brother, or boyfriend, or best friend, or favorite teacher or someone else really close to you - but every time a woman comes forward and says that she has been raped, or otherwise sexually abused or harassed, there are an abundance of women who doesn't believe it. women who make excuses for the rapist, women who takes to attack the victim, "innocent until proven guilty" women, women who looks the other way.
that shit needs to stop!
the first rape i remember i was 12. my best friends said "nah kasper is such a nice guy". he was popular. i was new in town and dubbed "the weirdo". the second rape i was 13, and didn't tell anyone because he was almost 20 and my sister's ex boyfriend, and he was adored by everyone. the third time i was 16 and i thought he was my best friend. about six months later i told my boyfriend at the time, and as with every other thing regarding my mental health he didn't directly say the words, but he brushed it off as something i said for attention. later in the relationship he started raping and beating me. that lasted six months. i was 17, and ended up in the hospital for trying to kill myself when that relationship ended. i later got a girlfriend who also didn't believe me, despite her being a survivor of child sexual abuse.
i havent told anyone in my family about this. i actually haven't talked to anyone about this irl until this year. i am 31. the only people who are in my life now who knows are therapists. one of these also activated repressed memories of me having been sexually abused as a child and i haven't dared asking my parents or sisters if they know anything about it.
women need to support women. girls need to support girls. believe it when someone tells their story. this is not a treatment anyone wants to go through for attention and entertainment. rape victims are treated like shit - by the media, by authorities, by teachers, by family, by friends, by anyone who hears about. because people will twist and turn and question every word, comma, dot or breath these women - we - will say about this. it's not the rapists' lives who gets ruined. and if it is, then they did that to themselves! but someone - not just women, anyone - who has ever been sexually assaulted, harassed or raped, will be at war with their own mind and body, because of a choice someone else made for them. this is not a joke, this is not a matter of differentiating opinions. rape victims kill themselves all the time, and a lot of that comes from not having anyone in their corner.
if anyone tells you they were raped, don't you dare raise doubts. and if you ever hear anyone else have doubts about someone who was raped, you speak up and confront them. this trend needs to end now!
#rape mention#i wasn't prepared for how long this got#i just needed to get it out#annika's adventures
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it sucks so much that a lot of the time i just simply am not able to make art/fanfic with confidence because i’m always aware that horny people on tumblr would eagerly misinterpret it as fetish art or ship.
is that still how you put a read more on mobile? lol idk anymore
this is a vent post to give anyone who isn’t sure about what i’m trying to say / is interested in the bad experiences i’ve had more context
when i was fourteen (14!! a baby!!) on here i made a general ‘body positivity’ post for a character (just saying that they were beautiful and desirable to a partner, because a lot of posts liked to make them out as ‘ugly’) and a nsfw fetish blog reblogged it (and interacted with me. fml) and it got a bunch of notes because they were popular in the fandom and i was too young to know what fetishes were.
when i was older but still a teenager (must have been what, 15? 16?) my (adult, in their early 20s) mutual DMed me and we talked for a bit about AUs and ships, and then they started talking about what if this character grew multiple limbs during sex :)? what would you think about that? ... i tried to say i was uncomfortable with where this conversation was going and tried to steer it back to regular topics, but they kept pressing it so i just didn’t respond anymore.
when i was still older, and getting into the witcher fandom now (17, maybe early 18) i rapidly found out how much disgusting fucking geralt x ciri shit there is. i was trying to cope with my shitty relationship with my dad by finding solace with geralt and ciri, and nope, there’s some ship art or fic of them. literally i got 1/4 through a fic on a blog about geralt and ciri in brokilon where she was scared and held his hand, my gut felt weird about it because this was a post on a blog that seemed to do mostly ship fics, i scrolled to the bottom of the post and there it was tagged with ship tags and fetish tags.
so now i’m just stuck in this space where i’m afraid to make anything that could be misinterpreted, because of how it could potentially be recieved, what kind of people it will attract. and “anything that could be misinterpreted” is a very broad topic, but it’s broad for a reason, because literally anything can be misconstrued and taken from you and seen as a fetish, or a ship, etc... more specifically i’m thinking about my vampire headcanons (on the topic of giving characters fangs and people being extremely horny for that) and ideas about regis and angouleme hanging out (because tumblr both doesn’t know what a familial / parental relationship is, and fucking loves to ship old men with young women vis-a-vis the regis x shani art i’ve been unlucky enough to see on here).
plus way too many people are horny for regis on this site and i’ve tried to block them all but the thing is that it blocks from my mainblog and not my sideblog, so now i can’t see them but they can see me and still reblog my content on this sideblog, thanks tumblr... literally nsfw blogs reblogging my posts about regis like i want to go insane on you stop it...
literally it’s like:
me: here is my headcanon for how regis looks [subtext: appearance based upon professors ive had who have reminded me of him / inspired me / made me feel safe in their presence / oh god i miss that kind of feeling with my dad / okay anyways haha here’s the post]
accts who i HAVE BLOCKED but tumblr allows them to reblog my posts because i’m a sideblog and your blockslists are specific to your blogs and not your entire account because this site’s block “function” sucks: wow this man i want to fuck him UNFFFFFF
anyways it’s 6:30 am i’m tired and hungry but yeah this is why i’m always fucking second-guessing myself lol and never end up creating things anymore. i of course really enjoy writing analysis posts, but in some ways, it’s the only thing i can do because other mediums such as art and fic are way too often taken from their creators and purposefully misinterpreted, if i write a long post however it’s more difficult to misinterpet it (more difficult yet still so many do... re: all the gerlion posts i’ve made hating on geraskiers, cue many geraskiers reblogging said posts like #omg so true... no look in the mirror because i was talking about you lol.)
if anyone is reading this (vent post, as i said, a personal post that is not intended to be reblogged or consumed by the masses) like “wow what a bitch and a hater for hating on my fetishes, i’m going to send them a really strongly worded anon that starts with ‘No. You know what, fuck this. Fuck you—‘“ then i don’t care, just block me and fuck off like i really do not want to talk to you. i’m not hating on your fetishes i’m saying you need to act appropriately in sfw environments and not bring up nsfw content to minors or people who haven’t consented to seeing it, or interact with others’ sfw posts in a nsfw manner.
be a decent adult
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