#ive been thinking a lot abt this again
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stares into the distance
i want to be a mom. so bad
#ive been thinking a lot abt this again#what with me doing my best to start trying to be independent again#i want a baby :(((((((#i wanna watch small child grow up :((#i want to pour all of my love and caregiving into a child :((((((((((#and take care of them and be a stable rock for them :(((#legit feeling teary eyed over this#the only con is i dont want to get pregnant or give birth#on the other end: i am strongly debating it. possibly. idk#well see how being on T affects my fertility#bc i refuse to save any of my eggs#maybe#idk#might ask abt it actually#..........................i should prob ask abt it#i mean im getting therapy anyways bc i need to work on myself A Lot before i even make any firm plans on parenthood#im not in a healthy frame of mind to take care of myself let alone a child#i have a hard time taking care of my cat as is#ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!#ONE DAY I WILL HAVE BABY
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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New key visual!! 🎉🎉
Premiering on OCTOBER 8TH!! 🎉🎉
For 2 consecutive cours!! (24 eps)
🎉🎉
Full voice cast has also been revealed:
Abe Haruaki: Ryouta Oosaka
Sano Mikoto: Ryouta Suzuki
Maizuka Mamekichi: Reo Tanie
Hijita Koutarou: Taito Ban
Zashiki Beniko: Akari Kitou
Nyuudou Rensuke: Akira Takano
Utagawa Kuniko: Hana Ayasaka
Akisame Tamao: Yuki Sakakihara
Yanagida: Tomokazu Sugita
Mujina Yakumo: Takao Mitsutomi
Fuji Touya: Saku Hyuga
Renjou Yuri: Nanako Mori
Miki Rintarou: Shun Horie
Hatanaka Izuna: Ryouta Iwasaki
Principal: Jun Fukuyama
Takahashi Akira: Shouta Aoi
Yamazaki Makoto: Tomoaki Maeno
Marshmallow: Chitose Morinaga
Little man: Tetsuya Yanagihara
#youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita#a terrified teacher at ghoul school#yohaji#anime news#WAHOOO 2 COURSSSSS (PUNCHES HOLE THROUGH LAPTOP)#canada ramble time:#now u may wonder. why do i go surname-given name for characters but given name-surname for real people#i guess its bc theres precendent for the real ppl for it to be that way??? like on wikipedia and on the news and stuff#real answer im just a indecisive little bitch#morinaga chitose congrats on being the one returning va from the drama cd!! and being promoted from regular mandragora to marshmallow lmao#ALSO SHES A TAKAHASHI GIRLIE SHES SO FUCKING REAL. SHE GOES TO THE POP UP STORES FOR TAKAHASHI MERCH#fujis va does crossdressing (or like androgynous-dressing) thats so cute........u gotta check out his instagram#renrens va: (talking abt how reliable renren is)... but even he has a lot going on... i was shocked when i read it in the manga... (ehehe)#also u may be wondering why ive been radio silent. its bc whenever i think abt translating the va comments i immediately pass out#and then i wake up and find out 3 new va comments have been released and then i pass out again
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it's interesting that episode 3 shows turbo granny is kind of a hypocrite? she says she hates cheaters, but immediately cheats (by human standards) in the game of tag. it's speculated that she consoled the spirits of assaulted and murdered girls, but she herself assaults okarun and calls seiko and momo "hag," "bitch," and "skank" constantly. i think it's really indicative(?) that one of the last things she says before she fuses with the bound spirit is this:
but ultimately, momo is able to outsmart her using a combination of her grandmother's - also an elder - wisdom and modern technology.
still working on how to interpret this and fit it into what dandadan is saying. the easiest/most obvious would be something like 'you don't have to respect your elders if they disrespect you,' which is a sentiment that is applicable to future arcs as well i feel, but i do think there's more to it than that.
#L.txt#dandadan#discussdadan#another half-baked post from your truly. in the mines. again#what does it mean what does it all mean#BRIEF DISCUSSION OF SPOILERS (up to space globalists i think?) >>>> i do find it really... interesting the people are understandably#extremely wary of rokuro as an ally but seemingly have no complaints about or issues with turbo granny as an ally#is it bc of rokuro's politics? people internalizing(?) the framing/minimization of okarun's assault? idk. much to think about#ALSO thinking about how this relates to banga's request for vamola to marry a strong man and have kids - bc i personally did not feel like#that was some sort of endorsement to increase the birthrate but i've been seeing that interpretation a LOT recently#so ive been thinking abt it
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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I don't mean to push you back into HLVRAI, but I've always wanted to say that your Gordon was always my favourite. It's what made me fall in love so deeply with your art. To be able to see yourself in a character you like so much is just such a delight. Thank you for doing what you do. :]
oh my god this is just the sweetest im grinning like an idiot rn 😭 THANK YOU that means the world im so glad u could find yourself in him thats so so important and comforting. just for you heres a quick gordon i ended up doodling on a sticky note when i first started my rewatch like a week ago YAY!!!!
#i miss my wife tails. i miss him a lot.#THANK U AGAIN THIS IS SO SWEEETTTT oh man i rly love hlvrai…#im thinking abt it…im thinking abt it#probably wont fully dive back into the fandom but ive been reading fics and looking at art and just keeping it to myself LOL#i want to draw them agaaaiaiiinnnn#kalofi’s asks#art#hlvrai
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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Zenix came across Pheonix Drop half dead, young, and scared. Whether he'd begun his transformation into a shadow night at this point is up to speculation, but I think that plays no part into the connection formed between him and Garroth. As the transformation was incomplete, Zenix presumably still had some humanity left in him, a desire for family and safety and support.
Garroth saw a young boy, and maybe he was reminded of his brothers. He took Zenix under his wing, placed his full trust in him, and felt paternalistic pride as he watched this once weak and terrified boy learn to protect himself and others.
To me, that places the betrayal that he must have felt after realizing what Zenix had done, who he had become, into an entirely different light. Garroth fully rehabilitated Zenix, cared for him. And he repaid him in murder, anger, and fire. That's not something easily forgotten.
#my art#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#minecraft diaries#mcd fanart#mcd#mcd rebirth#garroth ro'meave#mcd garroth#zenix#zenix mcd#ive been thinking a lot abt this show again#so much underutilized potential...
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Ah, never mind. You okay? Feeling alright? - Yeah, I’ve never been better. I was watching what was going on in my dream, and I could hear your voice the whole time. Thanks, Riku.
KINGDOM HEARTS DREAM DROP DISTANCE (2012)
#creations#gifs#games#kingdom hearts#kh#kh ddd#disney#square enix#soriku#sora#riku#ive been seeing a lot of squishy hug soriku art lately#so of course i am thinking abt This Scene again#if they dont hug in kh4#i will become a villain#also groucho glasses sora fucking sends me everytime#these r a bit crunchy looking in some places i am sorry but i think the footage is only 720p rip#pair of GOOBS
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a bunch of art from the last few months!!
#hfjone#hfjone liam#hfjone amelia#liam plecak#amelia euler#hfjone backpack#hfjone scenty#not tagging the others these two are just the main characters in this#my art#eye strain#none of these are the piece ive been rly excited abt but i figure i should post them!!!#some r from today some are from months ago#srry for the inactivity!! ive had a lot on my plate :)#but i never stopped thinking about them. rest assured#and that other piecell be done soon but PHEW. its a lot#anyway!!! im happy w some of these and neutral on some but i wanna start posting art again :)#for a multitude of reasons hehe#anyway. waves at my followers. hiiii. im now off to class#sorry liam is so sad in all of these im only jsut now realizing that theres a disproportionate ratio#of sad and happy liams in this post
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REID AND SEAVER GOING TO GET INDIAN FOOD TOGETHER AT THE END OF 6X24,,,,hear me out
#“hey is anyone hungry?”#while looking specifically at her. boy you damn well know you werent asking anyone else#thinking reid and seaver would be cute together was NOT what i expected to happen to me watching this season#as a raging lesbian. and knowing how the fandom generally felt abt seaver#but. theyre cute. sorry. it's not my fault theyre doing this shit by themselves#ashley seaver#spencer reid#reidxseaver#reaver#??? is that their ship name#literally thought ive seen so many people going 'shes soooo mean to reid!'#and then there's. one (1) moment in one episode where she treats him the exact same way nearly every member of the team has treated him#and the rest of the time i felt she actually got along with him noticeably WELL#been waiting this whole season for her to do something worse than be underwritten and slightly bland#and it never happened. i wouldnt say i LOVE her because again. underwritten and slightly bland#but all my problems with her are problems with the writing#and i think she had a lot of potential and it sucks she wasnt given room to show that#criminal minds#not fic#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s06e24#criminal minds 6x24#supply and demand
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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I actually find gender swapping characters really interesting (what part of their expression is dictated by gender norms vs certain events in their life vs their personal preferences that wouldn't change either way, etc.) so now I wanna draw what that would look like in my ocs except I am in pain rn so I'm forced to just lie there and be plagued by visions
#ok but#the thing with north is that when he ran away he cut off his hair and started wearing masculine clothing to hide his identity and went “wait#this actually feels right wtf“#but i dont think he really did anything with his appearance prior to that. he kinda was just existing not really thinking about himself#he was really only focused on protecting and caring for saffron#so a gender swapped version wouldnt be much different pre-running away#not bothering about cutting hair + the cultists' robes look very similar in both feminine and masculine versions#so fem north would still have short hair to make her appearance less recognizable#just would wear dresses and stuff#saffron though. i think she presents herself more in accordance with gender norms#so gender swapped saffron would always have short hair + more masculine looking clothing#but i think her mannerisms and behavior would stay the same. also her general frame#like yes she in part dresses and looks this way because thats whats expected of her + thats how she was raised by The Lady but a lot of it#esp in terms of her personality is Just Her. this would stay the same#warren doesnt give a shit. he doesnt have much gender to begin with. no gender only swag#so he would look almost exactly the same just with less facial hair probably#The Lady would very much be different. like instead of graceful threatening elegant old-ish woman with Big Hair and Big Dress#shed have short hair same level of elegance but masculine clothes probably facial hair too. like one of them small sharp beards yk#the restaurant owner (still dont have a name for her) wouldnt change almost at all as well. shes very much function/comfort over style#her clothes are already masculine n she has short hair both for convenience#shed straight up look the same just with a stubble or smth#there are a couple other characters in this story i have thoughts on but i havent introduced/developed them properly yet#pjsk ocs though ! ive been thinking abt them again#matsu is pretty feminine and it does play a role in a “part of why ppl think hes weird” kinda way#so as a girl hed be more masc presenting#i dont think fumi would really change at all. she also dresses mainly for convenience but i do think she does have a little regard for#for gender norms. but like. barely any. so maximum changes would be those ponytail parts of her hair getting like. a tiny bit shorter#toshiro would stay the EXACT same. he does his own thing#seina dresses that way bc shes expected to but also thats just genuinely how she is. so swapped shed still have longer hair n feminine#demeanor but wear pants or smth. im hitting tag limit help. cries
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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Look, her hair's a bird nest! Ha. Get it? Bird....
I'm trying to practice weird angles and poses rn I guess, well drawing as much as I can in general :D even though I hate I can't fully draw their outfits lol
These two HATE each other btw, if you're curious about lore
#i keep sketching and then end up getting sucked into it#good sign i suppose :D#this is way more rendered than i intended though 😭😭#i was simply sketching her face at a weird angle and then it progressed lol#id like to draw all of my god ocs like this#but i shouldnt act too hasty lol knowing me#but gah ive been thinking so much abt designs lately. i love them 😭😭😭 my babies#even to the point where im considering trying to get into character design again +#and finish the rest of the planets#having lots of thoughts abt jupiter and mars and earth who ive never really touched#so maybe ill post concept art if i actually get to it#idk. i havent created an oc since 2020 so it feels scary 😭😭#catie.art.#oc art
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