#ive been spoiled with always having one of my best friends Right In The Other Room for a couple of weeks and now i dont

[bones-n-bookles]

Bleh

[targaryenluvs]

VICTORS SPOILS

pairings: dark!finnick odair x fem!capitol!reader

warnings: obsession, following/stalking, creepy behaviour, naive/younger reader, age gap, (reader is 19 and finnick's around 25), non-con touching and kissing, manipulation, bj mentions/insinuations, sex mentions, prostitution mentions, finnick lowkey preying on you - descriptions of brown reader (i was self indulgent since i’m indian 😁) condescending/nit picking mother and pushy parents!

summary: a victor should be celebrated! a victor should get what ever they wish, even if it’s a sweet capitol girl who misplaced her kindness in someone who was in desperate need of reprieve and distraction.

a/n: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! HERES A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU ❤️GUESS WHO MADE HER OWN LITTLE HEADER GAHH!! i tried my bestttt - ive been away for a littleeee!! sorry babes <33 it was like 3am and i cooked this up in my head before opening my brewing pot (notes app) and jotting it down - NOT PROOFREAD

the hall was so loud.

they always were at capitol parties. your mother and father always dragged you along, stating that a young lady should be getting out, meeting people, friends, becoming well versed and established in the capitol. and that they wouldn’t always be here. “you need to learn to be alone, fend for yourself and stand your ground. how are you gonna do that if you’re always trying to keep to yourself dear?” your mother sweetly smiled as she looked over you, “i think you still have time to change that dress, not the most flattering sweetie.”

you scoffed as she walked away ever so elegantly. you looked over yourself in the mirror, the green dress was gorgeous, to you at least. but the blue dress your mother had chosen was breath-taking, as much as you hated to agree with her opinion. so you bit your tongue and put the chosen dress on.

mother knows best right?

the sun was setting with an especially beautiful array of colours to which you figured no one would really notice you were gone if they were all focused on something else. there was probably a screen upstairs which you could watch something on. a few things to eat and drink then you’d head up there.

finnick was glancing over to you the whole night. you’d worn blue, and he’d taken it as an ode to him. you hadn’t looked over at him yet but your leaving of the party seemed like an invitation to him to finally introduce himself.

as you settled down on the plush couch you felt all your tensions melt away. but finnick wouldn’t leave you alone for long. “i’m sorry i didn’t know this was occupied.” finnick looked sad and you had no clue why, so being as nice as you are had you opening the room in invitation to him. “no, no! i just wanted to get away from the party. you’re welcome to sit with me finnick.” it felt odd to you for some reason, calling him by his name as if he was a friend. you’d only ever seen him through screens and from afar yet he looked as amazing as always.

“are you sure?” you nodded and smiled, moving down the couch to make room for him. he sat down, respectful of your space. he looked drained and you felt the same way. “tired of the party?” you asked as he smiled and nodded, “a lot of people asking a lot of questions.” you spoke, “everyone has something to say or ask. my dad told me he got three men asking for my hand. we haven’t even been here for two hours. it’s like being in a room with vultures. and if i do accept i’ll just be, nothing. someone stuck to the side of some ugly guy who just wants a pretty face.” you didn’t know what it was about him but you felt as if you could tell him anything.

and he sat, and listened. nodding his head and adding it where appropriate. it felt, nice. having someone actually listen to what you said rather than just asking what you were wearing. he was nothing like what you expected. you’d heard the whispers. that he was a playboy, he was with and had been with multiple women and men over the years. and that he liked it, the gifts, the people, the uhm, other aspects.

“but you, i’m sure you have people to meet, scope out.” you wanted to curl up and die as soon as the words left your mouth. “no! oh my god, i do not mean it like that. you- i- you should not feel ashamed of what you like. i am so sorry- i didn’t mean to imply-” god would you stop droning on? finnick pressed his lips into a thin line, “hey it’s okay. you’re fine. in all honestly, i know everyone has mis-conceptions of me.” you took his place in attentive listening as he explained the truth.

the threats, the people pawing at him, him being sold from fourteen.

you were crying. it all sounded unbelievable and unbearable for someone to go through at such a young age, his life was ruined all because he was pretty, desirable. no child should even have to think of such things let alone experience them. and rather than you comforting him, he was sitting with his arms around you. he was too good to be true.

“i- no i’m so sorry that happened to you finnick. i had no clue, no one does. you are such an amazing person, from the little time i’ve known you. you don’t deserve any of this. how could you get away from this? we could- we could expose snow we could-” finnick cut you off with teary eyes, “there’s nothing we can do. trust me, if there was i would have tried. but i think, if i got married perhaps. i’d have a reason to stay away from the captiol. we’d live in district four, in peace.”

the idea was pretty decent, you’d give him that. and you couldn’t help your heart running a little faster at the prospect of potentially marrying him. you were already fast friends, at least you’d marry a friend? even if he potentially loved someone else or you loved another.

“what if- if you married me?”

he’d hoped you’d say that.

“you’d do that for me? seriously?” finnick faked shock as you nodded, “we’re friends, i’d much rather marry you than anyone else here to be honest. we could be happy.” you smiled as he wiped away his last tear. “y/n, that’s an amazing idea.”

your wedding was marvellous.

your parents pushed out buck after buck, no expense spared for their little girl. as if they actually cared for you. your wedding dress was white and pristine, courtesy of snow. your brown hair in curls and your brown skin glistening. but you added blue accents for finnick, or you thought you did. it’s not like he pushed for you to wear the things he bought by incessantly reminding the makeup artists and helpers that you were marrying the finnick odair, his wife deserved nothing but the best.

you stood infront of a friend, smiling, happy to be marrying a kind soul.

he stood in front of the object of his affection, his desire and love.

in the first few weeks you were undeniably happy, finnick was as sweet as ever and respected you. it was your best outcome. but overtime you seemed to notice changes in his behaviour. when you’d want to go out into town for dinner he’d always have an excuse up his sleeve.

“there’s roadworks towards your favourite restaurant honey. maybe another time?”

“apparently they’re all booked out, maybe in a few weeks time?”

“wouldn’t you rather have a home-cooked meal? i made your favourite sweetheart.”

it began to annoy after the sixth time. “it can’t always be busy can it? we use to go all the time, and it’s not like they’d refuse you finnick. what’s going on?”

“i give you everything you could ever want. why the hell do you want to go out so much? am i not enough? are you- are you seeing someone?” finnick slumped in his seat.

your eyes widened as you rushed over to him, settling on your knees as your hands were placed on his thighs, “finnick how could you say such a thing? i would never do that to you. i swear there’s nothing going on, i just, i’m bored. i’d like to go out with you, explore your district with you, meet new people with you.” finnicks eyes burnt into yours. this is certainly not how he first wanted to see you on your knees, but at least you were whining.

“yeah? you like me? you promise there’s nothing going on?” you nodded dumbly, “yes yes! nothing i promise.” finnick looked down at your hands in his lap, “how do i know you’re not lying?” your hands were on his knees as you straightened your back, coming closer to his eye level, “i promise finnick. you are my husband, i’m with you. i’ll do anything to prove it to you.”

finnick was fighting off every muscle in his cheeks to not start grinning whilst the sad look on his face was breaking your heart, “yeah? anything?” oh this was going to be good. your cheeks were flushed as you heard the words come of out his mouth, “undo my belt sweetheart, show me how much you mean it.” wavering hands hovered over his belt buckle as finnick relaxed into his seat, it couldn’t get better than this right?

wrong.

every time you asked to go out, to meet a friend, to go to the capitol he’d always sulk. and the night would end with you on your knees, him on his to make you forget, or the two of you tangled in sheets.

finnick was finally happy, he had the girl of his dreams after such a long period of sadness, of exploitation and terror. fake smiles and lingering eyes.

he finally got something out of the games.

and his gift?

the victors spoils.

[aliensunflower-fics]

My Recommended Fic List

So, I got this ask awhile ago, and since I have been re-reading a bunch of my old favorite fics as a way to cheer up after work I figured why not. This list will be long... and varied but mostly its older fics cuz idk there my favs. Now lets go:

Fashion Upgrade - By @soap-lady : Straight up one of my favorite fics ever, its fun, its creative, it never fails to make me laugh when I need something warm and wholesome after a bad day. Also go check out the rest of her stuff there's so much good okay like shes just a writing queen. Shes on AO3 I don't want to spoil you on her other stuff just GO experience it for yourself.

Ode To Decoy pt 1 / 2 / 3 - By @a-marlene-s : Ive always liked this short sweet little fic about Lila getting caught. Its Lila + class salt though so avoid if that's not your flavor.

EVERYTHING - By @unmaskedagain : They have salt, they have sugar, they have funny, they have crossovers. Like honestly they are a just a great writer with so much variety so go check out the masterlist I linked and I guarantee there will be something there you like.

@ravennm84 Is a writer on the saltier side but they have a wonderful selection of weird wacky tales from the salty but oh so well written Damning Evidence that sees Lila get caught in the best way to the 3 part Horror inspired Serafina other great fics from them include Marinettes Family Court Circus pt 1 / 2 and Of Moldy Bread and Cockroaches / Be Kind to Servers honestly its worth giving there blog a look.

@mochinek0 Is another writer with several beloved fics. They write a lot of Maribat and we love them for it. Ones to check out would be Blind Date / Bruce vs Gabriel just go check out there tag list of daminette for more.

Accidental Crime Boss Marinette - By @lady-literature : This is a wonderful idea and a wonderful little fic and I just... I just like it okay. Sadly I haven't read a lot of there other stuff... But I might after finishing this list considering how much I enjoy this one.

@nobodyfamousposts I love a LOT of there fics. They are one of the best when it comes to striking that sweet spot of calling out the show for some of its garbage while not getting so salty that you cant have fun lighthearted goodness. I have been looking for a masterlist of there work but cant find one so just go stalk there tags. I do recommend there Chloe's Lament Series 1 / 2 exploring how certain 'wishes' would backfire. Guardian Assistant Kevin is also a good one Miracle Queen Aftermath pt 1 / 2 / The 8 parter Burn the Witch series / The Wisdom Teeth Reveal / Kagami Vs The Wall of Faces / Resigning With Grace & Spite / I tried to give a lot of links cuz they have a lot of stuff

Kill Them With Kindness - By @luki-fanfic : Well written, good salt without going overboard. Just good vibes. I havent stalked there other stuff but if its anything like this fic its probably excellent quality.

Stephen Vladislav pt 1 / 2 - By @stormiclown : Adrien centered salt on the idea of finally giving Adrien his own proper rival. I like the idea of Adrien having a rival because its usually Marinette and this was just the right length to get those creative ideas flowing. Also just well written what more can you ask for.

Power Trip - By @storygirl000 : This was the first fic that made me go... Wait would it be more fun if Lila was actually competent? And that set me on the path to writing my own fics where Lila is more villainous and more capable. Its short, well written. Good.

Your Wish is My Command - By DemiGoddess28 on AO3 : A great 11 chapter fic looking into Lila's life if she were to win and get a miraculous wish. Its got sugary goodness for our protagonists and the class and salt for our dearest friend Lila.

LadyBugOut AU - By Miraculous-Content on AO3 : A 50 chapter fic made up of snippets and ideas. I found it really inspiring in many ways. I also love how it redeems Marinettes classmates showing how and why they were tricked but holding them accountable anyway its just... Good.

Juleka vs The Forces of the Universe - By goldenlaurelleaves on AO3 : For those of us not yet ready to accept the death of luka/mari we have this wonderful fic showing Juleka being the biggest wingman as she helps these idiots find there way together.

ChaoticNeutral on AO3 has there own Chloe's Lament fic as well as a Gabriel's Lament fic for people who need sweet salty of those two characters.

BroadwayCutie16 was Inspired by the person above and DemiGoddesses your wish is my command fic to write Lila's Lament fic going over Lilas failed wish. Honestly I always love these fics because there just so interesting and the way wishes can be taken and twisted is always a fascinating idea to me.

#WayneAngel - By Tired-Writing-Teach on AO3 : For us Maribat lovers. Its fun and lighthearted with some good gags and some light fluff.

Damian in Paris - By Lilliesandliveries on AO3 : A sweet Maribat series showing what would happen if Damian ran away from home and found himself in Paris and getting therapy.

How a Demon Commissions an Angel - By AlixAnonymous : Damian blackmails Marinette into letting him be her client so he can get his bros the best gifts, they end up becoming penpal buddies.

Mythomania - By LadyEnna_50 on AO3 : Proof that I dont hate Adrien or Mari/Adrien. In this fic Adrien's spine gets titanium plating and he sees just how bad Lila is hurting Marinette and does something about it.

The Contingency - By AbyssalGuardian on AO3 : SALT. Also Tim/Mari but even still I love the way this was written, the style, and some of the ideas just ugh love it. Its not for those who dont like salt so just avoid at your own discretion. Its about a chaotic Marinette done with her life running away to Gotham where she meets her true black cat, and gets her life back on track.

The String That Binds Us - By FaithAndATypeWriter on AO3 : Okay so is there any Mari/Bat fan who hasnt already heard of this one? Who cares its good, its cute, I love it. May the author be blessed with snacks.

The Great IKEA Game - By @batsandbugs : Okay again... I think every Mari/Bat fan has probably heard of this one already because its just that good and that popular. But who cares I am recommending it anyway. Don't read if your allergic to fun I guess.

If this list still doesn't somehow have enough salt for you then try @goggles-mcgee fics here is a link to there Masterlist. They are in a way a professional at salt and angst and they make you want to adopt Marinette and pop her in a blanket fort.

Honestly I could keep going but this list already feels so long for other great recs though I can link you to @jayphoenic who has some great Daminette Fic Recs and some Lila Salt Fic Recs!

Feel free to reblog this and add some links to stuff you would think I or others might like! Also lets just acknowledge how many talented authors the community has like wow.

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[hotch-girl]

Is so weird how nonchalant everyone was about Emily being kidnapped 😭😭 like yeah it wasn't the first time and we the audience know she would be ok but like- the characters didn't?? For all they knew she could be dead right as they spoke? Like when a character is kidnapped I know they will be ok but like I like to see the others's reaction to it when they had a time down- quilt, pain, anguish, worry (and it's why I can't like 200, I am sorry the characters's reaction were too flat for my liking- BUT HEY! at least they HURRIED to search for their missing teammate!) before her "death", Emily had a quiet moment with Spencer, Penelope and Derek and like that is what I like! In revelations it was the "everyone is having an anxiety attack as we speak" fest while Emily was standing there confused 😭 like hell, even at later seasons- Whatever happened to Penelope threatening to quit the BAU if her best friends died?

I hate how OOC for everyone that shit felt 😭😭 specially because Emily always felt so appreciated? Like I know it's because we saw her DEAD and the crew had a moment to actually settle with that but still.

I will proceed to cope by imagining the neurotic attack Spencer had when they told him 💜 Books were thrown.

anon this is EXACTLY how i feel!!!! ive been trying to figure out if i should rec someone watch or not (not tagging u mely bestie so u dont get spoiled <3) and ur ask summarizes my main problem with the finale - it used to be my found family show 😭😭

they all reacted was like fbi agents trying to do their job and determine what chess pieces were worth sacrificing instead of trying to find someone they cared ab. even more glaring bc i think everyone but me cared when rossi went missing last year. its not a one time ep choice either. overall cm doesnt feel like as team focused anymore. it's jj/luke or emily/rossi or penelope/luke/tyler or tara/the directors forgetting to put her on camera.

it could be the actors schedules tbf but ur so right that we're getting farther and farther away from the team dynamics that made the show, at least for me

[literalite]

hi joseph! what are your thoughts on penacony arc? started it just yesterday and i'm not vibing with it 😭 afaik this is a pretty common feeling towards the beginning and especially 2.2 chapter but i've also seen people defending them. it's always intersting to see your opinion about any media in general, you have some insights i never really thought about. good luck on whoever you choose to pull!

omg hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii im so glad u appreciate my takes about these sillyyy gacha games rubs hands together lets get into it.. ive finished the whole story at this point but so sorry if i end up spoiling ill try break it up patch by patch

tldr; i think penacony is def a plot that gets more refined the further u go on, which i think makes sense because of how large and expansive the cast is to begin with they also throw like a fuckton of different plot points at u so theres a few different veins of thought u can chase in various directions. theyre going for more of a mystery and more morally ambiguous cast than the other planets/locations we've been to so far so i think its more a side effect of the genre so to speak. there's more room for error here and i admit i got tripped up at times esp in the beginning. i actually really liked 2.2 but it might be because my personal favourite penacony character got a lotttt of screentime, my fav patches have been 2.1 and 2.2 because at least in my opinion thats when the plot sort of tightened and wrapped up so it was less just stuff all over the place left to mislead us. this latest patch's story (2.3) is probably my least favourite but im still like sorting out why exactly. overall i think penacony might have had the best plot so far

2.0 - if one dreams at midnight aka black swan, sparkle and misha, and the introduction of penacony in general

the opening of this event/world was REALLY good i loved having acheron walk us through the hotel. probably one of the more engaging new gameplay tutorial processes i've been through and it raised so many questions (who is she/who is she to us/whats with the red text/WHAT IS GOING ON) that from someone who was admittedly not entirely sold on the whole dream hotel concept i was pretty easily hooked. admittedly i think the sort of concepts they were laying out for us in this new world are a lot more abstract than what we've previously encountered so i know a few of my friends ending up getting kind of tired of all the philosophical exposition and started just fast tracking their way thru the dialogue... which is a shame! yes theres a LOT of it and not all of it feels relevant in the moment but as someone who sat thru and read it all i think it was pretty solid. maybe they just need to get a bit better at being succinct

DGFghj the cutscenes and the characterisation in this patch were really beautiful moving stuff because i swear to u going in i didnt give a fuck about like. most of the cast like my only thought going in was oh i want sundays gender. but what i REALLY enjoy about penacony is that it felt like all the characters served a purpose in the story and there wasnt any characters just shoehorned in for the sake of more units to sell. does that make sense? for example in the xianzhou luofu i love that cast i swear but if you really look at them you could probably axe at least five of them from the roster and the main story would have remained exactly the same. like they appeared in the plot but they felt palpably unnecessary. whereas at least right now with all the playable characters that first appeared in penacony all played vital roles in progressing the story. i think for the amount of characters and how interesting they all are thats pretty solid storytelling, even if it amounts to just a lot of exposition at times. i liked the various clashing ideologies and paths it made for way more substantial narrative than any of the other locations so far

2.1 - into the yawning chasm aka the aventurine story ft. acheron

i think this patch had the strongest emotional story running through it, but i could be biased because i LOVE aventurine. to be clear i really didnt care about aventurine prior to playing through this story quest

im serious btw like i actually could not care less about him. it was solely the story quest that made me do one of my biggest 180s on him so far, and i know i'm not alone in this sentiment. i was actually really surprised they were spending sooo much time in his pov and mindset i think it was a decently bold move considering that we literally fight him by the patch's end- imagine if we'd spent half of belobog in cocolia's shoes for example. IT PAID OFF- i genuinely think the slightly less enthusiastic response to 2.2 is in part due to how fucking surprisingly amazing 2.1 was. i think acheron's presence in this one for me could have done with more but she has a stronger overall place in the narrative over the course of all of the penacony story quests that it somewhat balances out. the trailblazing crew took one hell of a step back for this patch but everyone was fine with that and i hope it encourages the writers and the devs to be okay with our like "main protagonists" being less of the pov characters. its interesting when you get to see other's lives, if anything for a gacha game it should honestly be encouraged? but anyways yeah this one was my fave patch on just the story alone

2.2 - then wake to weep aka robin and boothill's patch, as well as wrapping up the main plot of penacony AKA the sunday patch. to me.

i do think this one's story is a little weaker than the first two and especially in comparison to 2.1... but nevertheless i really loved it still mostly because i'd been waiting for sunday to unveil his true colours this entire time. the english va for sunday? fucking incredible it was the amount of just barely leased emotion holding on by the barest thread of control you could detect in pretty much every line he said that really hooked me onto the character. i think this update's plot is a little messy in terms of like pacing- at some points it dragged on and on others it felt way too fast but i adored the false ending and the whole twist of it all. some aspects of the story were admittedly really repetitive for some reason? a lot of the dialogue felt a little too overexposited- as much as i love the express crew when they're altogether they really just like yapping on about the same thing on repeat... i don't think the whole talent show thing was necessary LMFAO going into sunday's history lesson/mind palace construct would've been more than enough.

alllllso i get why boothill was here for this but at the same time of all the characters he feels the most... redundant? this sentiment is mostly influenced by the next patch because i really thought we were going to like actually go somewhere with his set up with aventurine but that kind of just.. didn't happen. like hes more necessary to this story than say, qingque or i guess bailu were for the xianzhou luofu but regardless his presence in this while amusing kind of lacked the oomph that all the other characters have had

this patch's cutscenes were definitely the best of all the ones we've seen so far, in my opinion, basically only rivaled by the aventurine vs acheron fight. all of sunday's scenes were chef kiss to the highest degree the way the line "through harmony, we obtain order" lives in my mind literally rent free. honestly i just like watching this whole thing

its fantastic. SUNDAY is our best villain so far hands fucking down i really liked the whole social contract aspect of his methodology. as much as people mischaracterise him sighhhh just the betrayal of his own sister in a bid to fulfill her dream, albeit misguidedly, is just so lovely and tragic i just. HRGHHH fucking phenomenal work. i know people got taken aback because sunday spent 2.1 being so focused on robin's murder, and i agree his turn straight back to his originally laid plans was more abrupt that i would have personally liked, but i still really enjoyed the whole thing fghjk. i am so biased because ive loved sunday from literally the moment his little chibi invited us to penacony at the end of the 1.6 stream (??) so every aspect of it was amazing to meeee. this patch had a slower build up to its climax than the others but its still my second favourite wuagh

2.3 - farewell, penacony aka firefly and jade's patch

im sorry this one is probably my least favourite ;-; they gave us really high expectations (the whole aventurine vs/with boothill ending, jade's introduction to penacony, etc etc) and i knowww this was always meant to be the last chapter of the penacony story so i shouldn't have expected them to unfold whole other untouched plot points at this stage but.... after all the high stakes of the rest of the story this ending while in some aspects kind of satisfying, fell short. for now! i expect them to bring the whole ipc scheming plotting thing back, they seem like a faction that will encounter a reckoning closer to the endgame of the story as opposed to being wrapped up right now. on an emotional level and specifically for the trailblazer and firefly's relationship, this was a fine patch! it was really cute... i just think that with how much emphasis we got on the pov of the other characters i really wish we'd spent time more with the rest of them. i guess i expected the ipc to bare their fangs a bit more here, but it still felt like it wrapped itself up cleaner than i would've preferred. sfdgfghjhkjk sue me i like chaos i want action i want them to fiiight... i guess it'll just be a matter of time though. not on this world, but maybe someplace elsewhere. we can only hope! in this regard i actually preferred the xianzhou ending, with tingyuns funerary service... it had more of a true weight to it than the goodbye the astral express gave the dead trailblazers and gallagher. they shouldve gotten a cutscene idkkkk

my brain is steaming so im gonna curb it here but basically in order of my fave to least fave the penacony patches go as follows:

2.1 -> 2.2 -> 2.0 -> 2.3

as someone who's only played genshin and hsr from hoyoverse i think this is a really good sign as to increasing complexity and depth to their characters and plotlines. the penacony narrative works because as self contained as it is it also presents us with a lot of questions and differing viewpoints that i daresay most of the other worlds both from genshin and hsr have so far been pretty much completely lacking. this really felt like a big beautiful puzzle getting assembled before our eyes and while the pieces didnt all seamlessly fit its just so much better than i am used to from this company im excited for the next worlds to come :D

[chanstopher]

fam: something about fam always makes me think of a 2010 early K-pop vibes so in a way it is a nostalgic sound for me to hear again. we all know how cute the lyrics are and I am reminded how cute for a change, instead for the fans, they be penning for each other and making like a compliment relay. honestly who are skz's biggest fans if not skz themselves? - helloskz anon

ok im gonna put all of these under this ask and use a readmore so i dont have to bother anyone else by trying to answer these one at a time.

 i adore both versions of this song, i love that they really compliment and tease each other in the song, it really speaks a lot about their relationships as members and as friends. and i think the really electronic track definitely leans to a 2nd gen sound thats so true!

connected: this feels like a song that has the whole aesthetic of being secret lovers and taking the hidden, lesser roads to get away and be alone together in some 3 star motel where nobody knows the both of you and you talk to each other through 'body language'. 10 out of 10 vibes of one person in fwb catching feelings. not me listening and thinking well christopher, magnets are not the only things that can be connected :)

im so obsessed with this song the whole vibe is so good, i t makes me think of early zayn music which i know chris is a fan of. the song does have a really good vibe of being almost a secret i can totally see that, im just praying i never have to see what kind of choreo would go along with this song because i dont actually want to die thank you very much

limbo: it feels like the song is much shorter than it actually is even though it is 3 minutes but that is maybe the turmoil and emotions i went through while listening to this song idk. limbo makes me think of like someone going through the memories of their ex in their head and the more they keep going through the memories, the more the memories fade or wear off over time because of how often it is looked back on and you know how people say our memories are not reliable because we can remember things differently from what actually happened. they know they should move forward but they are stuck in limbo as looking back is the only way to see them again 😔

that is such a good theory, i havent really had the ability to take the song in in that way because i think im still just so focused on minhos vocals and like FINALLY getting a solo from him that i spend the entire song just squealing lmao but the darker meloncohlic vibe is not what i expected at all. honestly i assumed his and chris' song styles would be flipped because danceracha keeps putting out the more r&b songs as a unit and chris is sad™️ but this song really showed off minho's vocals which i appreciate because ive been screaming to no one for so long at how amazing he is

doodle: is that song where you can imagine in an underground club where all the cool, alternative kids hang out and give each other tattoos or something idk i was never cool. or alternatively, it gives me the vibes of changbin standing in the middle of like cars circling around him while he is rapping and there's fire burning around somewhere to show how fire he is. maybe some monster trucks thrown in here and there, dmx tricks somewhere. 10 out of 10 nobody will ever be cooler than changbin ever, confirmed.

doodle is exactly what i expected from changbin, it goes hard and fast the entire song and something about the way he says doodle really tickles my ear in the best way!

alien: to be very honest, i had only listen to alien once it first came out and i know, i know, it sounds like blasphemy for me to say that but i guess i was not in the right mind and mood to properly listen to it and i did not want those factors to spoil my actual feelings on the song. now that i am listening back to this, i can better appreciate him having made this song, a song that many of us have related to but still holding for a brighter tomorrow

alien is literally one of my favorite songs ever actually! its brought me a lot of comfort since he first released it so i listen to it constantly! if it had counted toward my music wrapped this year it would have been like my 3rd most listened to song lol its also the reason i have a tattoo for jisung

because: the song that is like the embodiment of a warm hug, hot chocolate and reassurances. especially remembering how this song came out around the time we had our hyunjin drought? this makes the song all the more special and sweet to me. to get a song with just changbin and felix on it, especially hearing them sing? we are blessed and spoiled by them, really. 

i think because perfectly sums up changlix and how soft they are together and toward each other! they’ve always has a particularly cute bond since the beginning and i think this song really suits them. and like u said its really like a soft hug

piece of a puzzle: now this, this is the song when i heard the snippet of it during that variety they did that is slipping my mind at the moment and 3racha was at chan's room working on this and up all night- ANYWAYS. sure the song got released on youtube but it's not the SAME as compared to being able to save it on spotify and experience the song completely. even though the lyrics are rather sad, in a way, it oddly comforts me.

to me this song sounds so much like its supposed to be an ost, something about the emotion of it really just feels like it should be playing in the background of important moments, and i agree being able to hear it crisp really amplifies just how amazing it is

wish you back: it is at this song that i had the realisation yet again for han's passion for music for not only the genres he explores but also how he has the most songs on this album as he is constantly working on music. music really does make him happy huh. we can always appreciate the interesting ways the boys are able to mix genres and even right now, the best i can think of is acoustic guitar tropical dance hall for this song? only these boys. 

HaPpY: if you were beautiful or letting go by day6 had an angsty but somehow chill lofi hip hop younger sibling, it would be this song. you can always depend on han to have generally upbeat sounding songs and then having lyrics that are the complete contrast to them. he really has us guessing his next move every single time and not knowing what to expect.

i think something about jisungs writing style is just so perfect, i always find myself drawn to the songs he writes the most. his solo things and the songs for their albums. he seems to be able to hit the nerve of hopeful melancholy so perfectly. i think he really knows how to embody the feeling of being someone in their 20′s trying to navigate their life and emotional changes

up all night: the best i can describe this feeling this gives me is you attending a halloween party and everyone that you thought that are just dressed up as these odd, mythical beings are just that, costumes but they are in actuality all these odd beings and the weird adventures you have at this party from dusk to dawn. 10 out of 10 more than willing to hang out with vampire skz even though they probably suck at it 

this song is so cute and fun and the fact that it was one of the first songs chris ever made makes it even more special, like he had it saved on his computer all this time to make something silly and cocky at the same time during a stressful time for everyone

drive: i think enough has been said and joked about drive and i have nothing else smart and witty to add to this conversation. but the two eldest knew exactly what they were doing and they can be all hehe coy about it but we know. we know they know. they knew what they were doing

so true, and its just such a good song, and as a massive minchan stan i live for it and appreciate it so much lol

ice cream: what a palate cleanser to have this as the last long huh? what more after drive. simple, sweet, melodic. they saw we needed peace and they delivered us ice cream. much appreciated and needed. i can attempt to peacefully go to bed despite the roller coaster ride of emotions this entire ass album put me through. but would i sign up for it again? exactly

hyunjin and his soft artful sweet voice finishing the rollercoaster of an album is truly perfection on their part.

[rglsrctrsblck]

✨i would've made such a lovely bride (but he'll patch up the tapestry that i shred)✨

part iv : letting go

"Er du sikker på at du vil at jeg skal bli med deg tilbake til Hellas?" (You're certain you want me to come back with you to Greece?) Remus asked in amusement as he leant against the door, shirtless and only wearing sweatpants that hung way too fucking low on his hips.

"Selvsagt er jeg sikker, din tøffe Viking. Er du sikker på at du vil bli med?" (Of course I'm certain, you daft Viking. Are you certain you want to come with?) His way of speaking the language was still rough, considering he'd only been with for almost two weeks, but the pleased smile on his partner's face said that it didn't matter. Because to him, James was just the right amount of perfect in whatever he did.

"Å, jeg vil gjerne. Jeg ville bare at du skulle være sikker." (Oh, I'd love to. I just wanted you to be sure.) James smiled, dropping the rest of his clothes in favour of walking over to the taller and looping his arms around his neck, tugging him down gently for a kiss. Remus happily kissed back, hands gentle over his waist. "Du er så jævla vakker. Jeg kunne giftet meg med deg akkurat nå." (You are so fucking beautiful. I could marry you right now.)

James playfully glared at him, giggling when the other kissed his neck. It had been a running inside thing between the two of them. On James' first night of being shown around by Remus, a lovely elderly couple had mistaken them to be husbands before he tried to explain in English how they weren't married. Until Remus said that they weren't married yet and not to spoil the surprise. Of course, the couple believed he was being honest and grinned despite James' splutters, tugged him along with their fingers entwined, never once letting him go.

That was what made him fall for Remus in the first place.

Remus had been so understanding, and listened to him intently after assuring him that he wouldn't be judged. He told his story and how he left his home to move to a different country just to heal himself. How he agreed to be the best man in his ex-lover's wedding to keep a promise he made years ago. How he chose to stay despite every nerve in his body telling him to go. And Remus admired him for it. Said he didn't think he could ever deal with that if he had been the one in his place. James argued otherwise. But nonetheless, he called James a hero. A selfless hero that deserved everything in the world.

"Du lar meg distrahere deg. Men kommer vi tilbake til Hellas?" (You're letting me distract you. However will we make it back to Greece?) James giggled and hopped up, wrapping his legs around the other's hips and gasping at their proximity.

"Jeg kan takle en distraksjon eller to en stund, ja." (I can deal with a distraction or two for a while, yeah.) Remus only smirked before kissing him again, deeper this time as he slowly began to walk over to the bed.

They did eventually have to part minutes later when James' phone rang with a ringtone that he never thought he'd ever hear again.

Remus squeezed the skin on his waist and set him down with a soft smile, gently pushing him to the direction of the coffee table.

"Regulus?" He whispered, not sure what he was expecting.

"Just what the hell are you fetching from your car that's taking too long to get?" The younger asked in amusement, making James huff out a laugh.

"I'm fetching my wonderful ego, ever heard of her?"

"Oh? I didn't know you were transgender too?"

"My dick didn't seem plastered on to you?" Regulus let out an honest-to-god giggle, sighing after.

"I miss you, you idiot."

"Hey, you're the only one who didn't tell me that in a past tense. It's always the past tense with the others, makes me feel like I died."

"To be fair, you almost did. Pardon our friends if it stuck."

"Fair enough."

"I… I really do miss you, Jamie," Was… oh, fuck him, was Regulus fucking on the verge of crying?! "You were gone. Again. God, and it rained the night you left so I got worried and –"

"Reg.. Reggie, breathe. You're hearing my voice, aren't you? I'm okay."

"Thanks to you, that's not even a word anymore." James giggled, letting Remus hold him against his chest.

"How was the honeymoon?"

"It was… god, it was amazing, Jamie."

"Is he treating you well?"

"Always…" he could hear the love and adoration even if they were in very different places just from his voice alone. And that was all he needed to know that he made the right decision.

"Good. Do tell him that if he ever decides to cross you, I will shatter his kneecaps." Regulus giggled, and just like that, it was as if they were in high school again, giggling in the broom closets after running from Sirius and their then friends.

"I think he knew that, knows. Told me you intimidated him."

"Me? Intimidating? Little old me?"

"Oh, get off that high horse."

"Hm, high stag, you mean."

"Oh, yes. Definitely." A beat. "Are you being treated well?" Regulus never had to ask if there was anyone. Anyone who knew James in and out would recognise the happiness in his vocal tone alone, making the older smile that Regulus still knew him well enough to know he was happy.

"Yes. I've caught myself a Viking."

"I'm glad. I'm so… I'm so happy for you, Jamie."

"As I am for you."

"Thank you. For keeping your promise and being my best man. For helping me with our parents." James wanted to tell him that it wasn't him who had assured that their parents would be there, but he let it slide, just happy that Regulus was living his life.

"I'll take it you're back in England?"

"No, we decided to stay in Greece for a bit. We're actually in the bar Evan found you in."

"Is this supposed to be a full circle moment? Because my flight's not supposed to be for another few hours."

"We can wait or come back here, Jamie. But we want to welcome you home."

"Oh." There was comfortable silence between them for a few minutes, to each their own, before Regulus spoke again.

"I'll always love you. You know that, right?"

"Of course, Reggie. I've loved you from Leonis Vega to Regulus Arcturus and have had no regrets since."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Come home to us, James."

And come home he did. With Remus' fingers entwined with his, their bags in hand, they came home.

Home was his house in Greece.

Home was his friends waiting for him at the very bar he ran from.

Home was Remus Lupin's hands.

Home was the love he had for all of them.

He was home.

FIN.

[mechwife]

personal ramblings

so… a lot of stuff has happened this year and since ive last done any posts about myself and personal going ons and stuff

i have my own home now i guess? It’s not bought or anything. I’m renting a unit in a four-plex with my husband and my parents monumental assistance. It’s kind of weird because i’m used to living with my family and living in rural areas, but now we’re in a town and have neighbours and stuff. They seem nice though, they’re native like i am, and my husband is Hispanic so it’s nice having neighbours who are also brown.

We don’t have a whole lot. We don’t have much furniture yet, we’ve mostly been sitting on one of our carpets in front of our tv and watching movies and anime and stuff with our bunnies and eating the meals we’ve been cooking. But it’s still nice. It’s nice not living with someone who’s always angry with us or trying to dictate when or how we do things.

We were living with my aunt and her husband for about half a year this year and it was horrible. My late uncle passed away in that house, and i had a constant reminder of how much he must have suffered and all the regrets ive had about my relationship with him. I wanted to be friends with him. I wish i could have been closer to him. I wanted to grow up and for him to accept me as a person and maybe as a friend someday. I thought about him everyday and had frequent dreams of him.

Then my first bunny passed away there too, and it felt like i lost everything except my husband and my parents. ive never felt grief like that before. I still cry about my bunny and blame myself and hate myself so much for him passing away. I loved him so much and told him he was my best friend and my soulmate.

I still miss him so much. I miss my uncle. I miss living living with my family and living closer to my other relatives. I feel like i was still such a spoiled child that took so many things for granted. It was still hard then, but i have a different perspective and appreciation for how things were then.

Still, I appreciate everything I have now. I have my husband with me everyday supporting me and taking care of me. I have my baby bunny girl and we got a new bunny after my first bunny passed away. He reminds me of my first bunny in some ways, but of course he’s also entirely different. I love him a lot though, and I think he loves us a lot too. My husband and i suspect the people who sold him to us were neglecting him and borderline abusing him. He was skin and bones when we got him with crusty eyes and coarse, dry fur and a slightly crusty nose with his fur falling out in places.

It was scary and i was afraid for him, afraid of hurting him, but he’s much healthier now. I gave him lots of veggies and water and hay, and I cuddle him and give him lots of kisses and he gives me lots of kisses too. He’s super energetic and friendly, and as soon as we got to our new home he started exploring right away and already likes having things in the house a particular way. Our baby bunny girl is still hesitant and seemingly scared of our new place, she likes being right beside us and having us close by while she explores. But my bunnies are here with us, safe, warm and happy and that makes me happy and means so much to me, so much to us.

I feel like im a terrible, inept adult. But i’m trying. I’m trying to be better and more responsible for my little family, for my husband and our bunnies, and for the rest of my family. It’s hard and i’m lonely sometimes but i think im getting used to handling more things on my own.

Once we’re more settled in here, hopefully i can start focusing on my mental health and getting therapy and stuff. It’ll probably be really hard too, but i know i need help and i can’t be a better adult and person until i do. Then i can get my feet under me more, maybe have a job to support us with sometime in the future. My doctor said I wasn’t able to be employed with how unstable and terrible my mental health is, but my husband and i want children and i want to be able to take care of them, to take care of us, to help my family more.

Idk. I need to do more work, there’s still so many things to be done, our little home needs more work but i’m grateful. I’m thankful. I’m happy for where we are and how we are. I’m so tired, but i’m happy.

I’m happy. I’m sad, but i’m so happy.

[iwillfeastonyourflesh]

i dont think im a good person. i think im one of the worst types. i see whats wrong, understand that its wrong, and still i let it happen. sometimes i actively participate in it. my oldest brother is kind, and doesnt let anything anyone says about him stop him from living truthfully. but the things people say are fucking awful, and i know that i wouldnt be able to handle it as well as he does. my other brother saw what was happening to him, and decided to not let it happen to him. he became one of those popular kids that has a huge ego, but he saw my brother and never bullied someone else. i saw both the paths i could choose, and walked in the middle. im friends with people who aren’t actually popular, but act like they are and gossip like it. they’re shit people and bully/talk shit about people behind their backs. this includes me. the girl i talk to the most in the group, as shes in most of my classes, spends all the time shes with me either complaining about her family or making fun of people. if shes willing to talk crap about the people she actually likes in the group, shes def talking crap about me. shes said things to my face before, but other than calling me a loser the thing she said that stuck with me most was telling me i was the uglier version of another friend (im going to call her S). ive always compared myself to S, as shes the one i look most like. having an example of what i should be right next to me all the time sucks, but i don’t blame her for it. i have a lot of other friends, but none that i could fit into the group with. im not sure what to do. i know that a lot of people who are “older and wiser” than me will say that what’s happening to me rn isnt a big deal, and im aware of that. i try not to let these things affect me, as there are people who have actual problems and arent just spoiled kids who make jokes too much and accidentally made people think shes unaffected. a few days ago the friend who i spend the most time with (im calling her C) made a joke about one of our friends to her face, but it was the kind of joke thats too far. in response to her doing this, since i was right next to her, i told a “joke” to her face that was too far. i said something about how she ruins all of our conversations with negative comments, and thats why nobody talks to her. i could tell by her face that it hurt. she was almost silent the rest of class. i feel like complete and utter shit for saying it, but i keep trying to remind myself that she needs to learn. she comes from a rich family, and thinks that the few minor inconveniences in her life matter to everyone. her mom has bipolar, and the meds she was taking for it made her severely depressed and she ended up going to the hospital for it. ever since she came back from the hospital, C’s been acting like her mom is batshit insane. she got on the bus one time upset that her dad yelled at her, and ended up telling me that her moms crazy because shes not doing anything to take care of herself. i know people who were abused by their parents, and got beaten half to death but still sent back to their house because of the fucked up system we have. C telling me that pissed me off bc she gets whatever she wants, whenever she asks for it, and has never had to worry about money or whether or not her family would survive a war. im not saying these things have happened to me, but i dont try and act like my “problems” are the most important ones. im really sorry about this if for some reason you decided to read the full thing, and i apologise for sounding like a whiny brat, but i needed to tell someone and this way ill never know who that someone is, or if there is a someone. i wish you the very best, and i hope everything you want to happen will. good night

“Sometimes you just jump and hope it’s not a cliff.” - Casey McQuinston, Red, White, and Royal Blue

[my-void-of-which-i-cry]

everyone says im fucking annoying. maybe i am.

3/14/23

i tried being nice and being considerate. i dont want much i just wan someone to care and acknowledge me. im tired of being the stupid one, the one who has to consider ive tried so god damn hard to make it easy for you people but every thinf i do seems to annoy you i feel like every time i try to talk to you you start getting annoyed and maybe youre right and im spoiled and im a brat i wont do that anymore, i’ll try my god damn hardest to not leave a trace in this house . since being in your presence seems too much for you i try not asking for anything anymore. i’ll stop complaining i’ll keep everything to myself. you want that right? i wont be a bother anymore. iltt stop trying to care for you or beg for your praise and affection. i can look for it by myself.  why is making a suggestion about my birthday such a big deal for you i can do whatever i want on “MY” birthday why does me talking about it piss you off. fine i wont celebrate my goddamn rbirth and iwont celebrate it again. i wont care anymore about whattever. ill be out of your way. im sorry im even alive and pullking you dfown and im such a waste of space and im an obese trash elepphant ‘who cant stop eating and whos spoiled and a bitch with no manners and cant do anything right i cant do anything at all and i should never have fucking existed i keep wishing that i nevere existed. every second of every day i wish you to be happy and to just let me not exist anymore.

i cant keep wishing because nothing ever fucking happens i wish i just died when i could, every near death experience i hope it killed me and i hope i never s here. i hate being in a place where everyone and everything i do is considered wrong and im always wrong and always bad and always a bitch whos spoiled and a child. i want to die. and its  not a joke anymore. i just want someone to love me and understand that i make shit thats not good and that i dont always say the right things and that im always trying my best to be considerate. but being considerate is not enough for everyone. im already ugly and im already fat and stupid if i just died everyone would forget about me in a week and in a yer everything will be better for everyone becuase i am just a dumb rock thats a burden to them and if i go then my sister will have her oen room and all my parents love and they can finally give her the care she deserves. if i go D could finally be happy with her new friends and let go of our group to be herself. F and H will be fine . E and H and A will be too. im not a big part of their lives, C and A will have forgotten me by now. and my parents have one less problem now, they can focus on my sister, and after she moves out theyll be free from the horrible kid they have. ill be free from putting myself esteem as high as how others apreciate me. because everything i am is what evereybody else thinks of me. and im nothing no one will remember me in a year . i die now. i wish i died now i wish i just fell asleep and died. im so sorry to the people whos lives i disturbed i hope you guys will ignore all my shit and all the crap i put you through it must have been so so annoying. i wish i died back then. and i wish i die here and maybe i can gain enough courage this year. who knows i sure hope i do. i dont think i can handle life. to the new friends i made im sorry you had to put up with me . im really sorry mom and dad im sorry your second kid is a piece of shit who cant do anything and always humiliates you and annoys you .. i wish i wasnt here too and i wish i was dead so long ago. i hope truly one day i can finally go through with something and maybe thats the only thing i can get right..

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IX

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1574.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V |  Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

________

You didn't know what else to say, feeling ashamed. Who cared about your family circumstances? Definitely not Steve Rogers, a man you met just a couple of weeks ago and who knew nothing about you. Why did you say something like that in the first place?

You didn't wanna look at his face and see him feeling guilty because he didn't know how to comfort you. You didn't need to be comforted. You didn't need anything at all. It was just a simple cold, right?

Despite that, you suddenly started talking from beneath your blankets, "I have a younger brother. When he was born, we found out he was having severe asthma. His childhood was terrible, he had constantly been sick, I remember him being in and out the hospital all the time. Of course, because of his condition, my parents spent most of the time with him. He was just a little sick kid."

You hated yourself for talking, for showing something to Steve he shouldn't have known because he wasn't your friend, but you couldn't force yourself to stop.

"On the other hand, I am lucky to have good health. I didn't really got very sick, so, well, I didn't need help like my brother. So, I'm used to taking of myself. I'm a big girl, I don't need my mom to dance around me just because I have a cold."

Of course, you didn’t. You were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, and even of Steve didn't show up, you'd be alright by yourself. You'd just take your acetaminophen, and then everything would be ok.

You kept silent, staring at the inside of the blanket and wishing Steve would just disappear, leaving you to your misery. You didn’t see his face, and you were glad you didn't. What he must think about you? That you were craving for his attention like a spoiled kid? Shit, it was so embarrassing. You were an adult, for goodness sake!

"I don't know about you, but when I had a flu sachet, it would make me fall asleep really quick. And when I was feeling sleepy, I would start thinking about the things I loved most because I hoped I would see them in a dream." Instead of feeling ever more ashamed, you listened to Steve's soft voice and thought you were lucky it was him being here with you now. "It actually worked, and I have been having my best dreams when I was asleep, sick. What are the things you love most?"

Surprised, you looked up at him and saw the most gentle expression on a face of a guy you had ever met. Why did he look at you like that? Why was there no pity on his face? Why was it making you cry like you were a ten year old kid? Before he could see anything, you hid beneath the blanket again and kept silent for a couple of moments to calm down.

"I love lemon pies my grandma used to make me, and her garden. She had tomatoes and cabbage and strawberries that smelled like summer. I loved watering them nearly every day because I thought I was a little forest witch who lived in her pretty cottage in the woods."

You didn't know why you were telling him this, but Steve has a strange effect on you. Or was it cold? You had no idea, but it didn’t really matter. All you were thinking about was the way fresh tomatoes smell when you'd leaned down to water them, and the sound of bees flying above strawberry's flowers. Your grandma was taking care of her cabbage - a very capricious guest in her garden - and you could hear her working, cursing grandpa for making the patches too wide in that funny voice of hers. Then she'd stood up, wiped the sweat with the back of her hand, and called you to come back to the cottage because if was time for dinner. You'd run to wash your hands in a barrel of water near the big apple tree when grandma didn't see, and soon you were sitting with her, eating her famous cabbage soup and then having a piece of a lemon pie because you worked so well today.

You could almost feel the taste on the tip of your tongue.

By the time you woke up, Steve was long gone: it was the middle of the night, and instead of him you saw a thermos with a still warm chicken soup on a chair, waiting for you. He sent you a message that you could call him at any time of the day - or night - and that he wanted you to have a bit more sleep to get better. After you had a few more sips of his soup, you fell asleep again, feeling warm and fuzzy.

_______

The weekend went fast. It was the first time in several years you spent so much time in bed. Steve kept appearing at your door from time to time with a new bags of food despite you telling him you had your own, but he always insisted you should it something fresh and warm. Surprisingly, he wasn't the only one at your door: Thor suddenly showed up with his whole team, bringing you notes for the upcoming exams they collected altogether, apparently. Loki sent you a message if you needed anything, and Peter left contacted you on Instagram, leaving you links to games you could play so you wouldn't feel bored. Even Bucky gave you a call, asking if he could come and give you a few packs of Neo Citran for your cold, but you kindly refused: Steve literally brought you a yearly supply of this.

It was strange. Of course, when you were in high school, your friends grew worried about you when you had been sick, but there was nothing else to it. Wasn't it always like this? Nobody came to see you. Nobody brought you soup or gave you meds or anything. Despite feeling embarrassed, you realized you actually liked it when somebody was close to you like that. It was comforting seeing Steve popping up and not having to worry about how pretty you looked: he laughed when he saw you getting all shy because you were in your pyjamas. He said he definitely didn't expect you laying on your bed in an evening gown.

Before you realized it, you were already getting better. It was just a cold, really. Soon your throat was no longer sore, and while you were still sneezing, your temperature dropped down to normal, so on Monday you were ready to come back to school as planned. Funny enough, you no longer cared if you passed your exams, having 100%. You didn’t talk about it with Steve, but Peter was laughing like crazy about that when you told him.

Funny. They no longer looked so scary to you. They were just a couple of boys, weren't they? Regardless all those scary rumors and stuff, they were just guys. Maybe they were weird and stupid and a little bit scary because you didn't know them, they were still alright. Thor said it to you, didn't he?

Monday was Bucky's day, so, once you were done dressing, he nocked at your door: you were feeling a bit shy, watching him in that leather jacket and torn jeans he kept wearing the whole year around, apparently. Barnes looked like a teenage girl's dream. He smelled like cigarettes - although he said he was trying to quit - and pinewood. Just like Thor, he liked to skip classes he didn't enjoy much, but he was smart enough to pass the exams. Funny enough, he had a motorcycle.

Again, you wondered how come girls weren't coming from a city on a bus just to go see him.

"Are you sure you’re feeling better?" He asked you softly. "You can stay home today."

"No, no, I'm perfectly alright, thank you! How are you?" Smiling, you closed the door and hid the key in your bag.

"I'm good, thank you."

He didn't speak much, but as you walked in silence, you thought it was comforting - not talking at all and feeling good about it. While Bucky looked like a scary biker, in fact, his calm and friendly demeanor only helped you relax around him. Besides, it was funny how students seemed to give him way whenever they saw him, and you thought if Steve was the King, then Bucky was the Knight.

Before you went into the your classroom, he suddenly stopped you, "Listen, I wanted to say I have your stuff."

You blinked, "What stuff?"

You didn't give him any of your stuff. Actually, after Steve gathered you all in the student council room, you only met Bucky this morning for the first time.

"The stuff those freaks took. Your... your clothes, I mean." He muttered under his breath, and you gaped at him.

Your underwear. He found your bra and panties those guys took from your room.

"Wait... how?" Staring at Bucky who, apparently, was feeling a bit embarrassed talking about it, you thought how on Earth he got those things.

There was only one way he could, right?

"Bucky, was it you who beat those guys?"

It took him a couple of seconds to turn his face to you and then sigh, "Yes, it was me."

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki  @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi @nectav @whatever-happened-to-the-ducks @teabutnerdy ​ @srrymydood @crazylittlereader2474

[ssplague]

Chapter 0ne

“And so it begins”

Katsuki B. X Reader

Rated M

Warnings: Gaslighting, manipulation, power play, light degradation

The day before the two of you left for UA; Your best friend gave her word to your mother that she would always look after you. Now that the two of you are in your third year she’s officially FED UP with your attitude and childish antics. Mentioning her dilemma to your shared group of friends results in the most unlikely person offering to be her solution to the problem that is YOU.

A/N: The girl in the banner is NOT how the reader is “supposed” to look, it was just a drawing I did specifically for this. You look however you want to, I don’t really make any specific references to your appearance in this story.

🌅

Its Saturday morning; Ive been awake for about five minutes now, but I’m not ready to open my eyes and embrace the conscious world just yet. Hearing the door of my room unlock and open does the trick though. Only one person (other than myself of course) has a key to my dorm room.

“I made breakfast for the both of us, its your favorite” announces Euphie as she walks in, kicking the door shut behind her. I sit up, just as she’s pushing my black out curtains to the side I let out a hiss of disdain as sunlight immediately begins to permeate the room.

“Thank you Euphie” I say with a yawn.

She hands me a plate before settling down on my bed, acknowledging my thanks with a nod as we both tuck in.

“We have plans this afternoon, can you be ready by at least 12:30? No need to get super made up but at least out of your pajamas?” Euphies voice is gentle, but I catch the underlying “I’m not asking, but telling you” vibe she tries to hide.

“For sure”

She smiles at my seemingly agreeable mood so early in the morning and we easily segway into our standard start of the day discussions. “Are we um…Are we going to be busy all day? I….I kinda planned on going to hangout with-“ Euphie cuts me off as she picks up our plates: “No worries you’ll have plenty of time for that, I promise!” Giving me a wink before shutting my door.

She didn’t even know who I was referring to, or what I was going to say….

At 12:55 Euphie reappears to rush me out of my room.

“Hey I forgot my purse I-“

“Don’t need it”

“But my wallet is-“

“Not necessary”

Her tone is clipped, and she has a death grip on my wrist as she quite literally drags me down the hallway. Initially I was taken aback, not being used to receiving this type of treatment from her. My bearings have started returning along with growing frustration each time one of my questions are receiving one word answers, or met with a complete dismissal. Reaching my limit I fail to notice that she’d began to slow down, and I’m wrenching my wrist free of her grip at the exact same time she’d come to a stop.

“What in the fuck is your problem?! You told me that we had plans to go out this afternoon, and you’d treat me to whatever I want!

This-“ I’m interrupted again.

“I certainly wouldn’t do anything for a fuckin’ brat throwing a tantrum like this”

My eyes snap to the side where I see the irritated scowl of one Katsuki Bakugou, as he leans against his door frame glowering at me. Embarrassment further fuels my anger as I turn toward him, pointing an acusatory finger as I begin “No one fucking asked you, stay out of it Katsu-“.

Kirishima suddenly emerges from Bakugo’s room, giving Euphie an enthusastic greeting

“Hey there! You look nice, ready to head out?”. The red head is flashing his signature shark toothed grip at my best friend as he offers her his arm. “You know it” she giggles, taking hold of his muscular bicep. The two of them start to walk off, confused and furious I start to head after them, but a large hand grips my shoulder grounding me in place.

“Bakugo told me he wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on you while Kiri and I went out this afternoon, this way you’ll stay out of trouble and get to keep the plans you’d made with him, bye!” The closing elevator doors add a sudden finalization to her brief explanation.

“Plans?” Bakugo questions while uncermoniously yanking me backwards.

I stumble back, falling through the doorway and landing flat on my ass in front of the now closed door (Which he is standing in front of). Glaring up at him as he continues: “She must have me confused with the local brothel, because thats the only place I’d imagine wearing a skirt as short as that would be deemed appropriate”. His insult doesn’t deter his crimson eyes from roaming the length of my body, lingering on the aforementioned skirt. Getting to my feet, he walks around me and move towards his desk, taking a seat behind it.

“Oh fuck you Katsuki, you can be a real dick sometimes, I dunno what stupid Euphie told you about keeping and eye on me, but I dont need a fucking baby sitter! So ill be off now” with a huff you turn towards the door. “________, I’m not in the mood for bullshit today so just sit down and shut up” he growls, not turning to look at you. He always feels embarrassingly giddy when you adress him by his first name, thats why he insisted you call him by it. That in itself should be an indication of how he seems to favor you.

It makes him almost feel a bit guilty for using a harsh tone when he’d spoken to you. Despite how he treats others, Katsuki is hardly ever outright mean to you; He’s never even given you a derogatory nickname like he has for everyone else. Today’s an off day though…He’s just not used to running on little to no sleep. That paired with his already non existent level of patience makes for a blow up. Especially when YOU were the cause of his latest bout of insomnia….turning to look at you has his thoughts beginning to wander.

Those lips of yours flapping away as you berate him…

They sure would look a helluva lot better wrapped around his-

“-Not even fucking listening to me are you?!” You snarl, starting towards the door again. “I cant believe I woke up this morning wanting to hangout with YOU, guess I’ll change my plans and hangout with someone not so shitty to me…. Like Deku!” A loud crash comes from behind you. The now enraged man had stood up so abruptly, it sent his now vacated chair careening into the wall and toppling over.

“You really just cant help yourself can you?”

His voice is so eerily quiet as he turns to face you, something unidentifiable flashes in his rapidly darkening crimson orbs. You couldn’t exactly identify it, considering it disappeared as abruptly as it had originally came.

“Course you cant, I already know that”

A menacing smile appears on his face as he takes his first step toward you, immediately triggering your natural “Fight or flight” response.

“I know what you need”

He’s only an arms length away when you start to step back.

“You dont know shit”

You somehow summon the courage to speak, but are unable to summon any false bravado to keep you from betraying how unnerved he’s got you feeling as he takes another step.

“I know that your best friend cant stand what a spoiled fuckin’ brat you’ve become, I know she’s so fed up with your shit that she’s about to write you off completely”

The defiant expression you’d worn all this time finally starts to falter.

This marks the first time Katsuki has ever seen how you look when your confidence begins to ebb away, only to be replaced with a mixture of uncertainty and fear.

His sadistic side emerges with glee as your now saddened doe eyes meet his.

“You’re constantly disregarding everyone’s opinion of you unless it aligns with your own, but you dont even know what to think of yourself now that your faced with the possibility of being alone now…do you?

You remain silent, taking yet another step back as he continues speaking.

“You need someone who isn’t afraid to correct you, but they’ll have to of earned your respect….So when you inevitably step out of line, you wont put up a fight when you get put over their knee”

Your back hits the wall.

You swallow down the panic that slowly begun to rise from your chest up into your throat as you realize there is nowhere left for you to go.

“You desperately want to be a good girl, just dont know how to be one, huh princess?”

It’s so adorable the way your bottom lip juts out, but at the first quiver it quickly gets sucked between your teeth.

“That’s why you’re acting out right now isn’t it?

I bet you drench your cute little panties every time you get a rise out of me. Always hoping that its going to be the time I yank you the fuck up and put this brat in her goddamn place, hah?”

You shamelessly lean into the large hand thats now cupping your cheek, letting out a sigh as his thumb caresses your soft skin.

“Mhmmm”

It’s horrifying how easily you just admitted your most guarded secret! The triumphant smirk he sports makes it even harder to accept.

His tone is surprisingly gentle when he starts addressing you once again;

“I can do that for you baby….Let me be the one that finally brings the princess down on her knees”.

Your eyes are practically sparkling at the feel of a sudden pressure being applied to your throat. His calloused fingers squeezing the delicate skin of your neck, effectively making it harder and harder for you to breathe. The thrill of this foreign feeling is instantly addicting.

“Tell me if thats what you want: If its not then shake your head and we never speak of this again”

Bakugo has to at least give the illusion that you have a choice in the matter. Even though its more than obvious that you need want this just as much as he does.

“I want it, I want you” your words come out in a breathy whisper as he releases his hold on your throat.

“I wanna hear you say it princess, what do you want me to do with you”

“I want…no I NEED you to….t-to make me into your good girl please…”

He gestures for you to continue, his raised brow implying you must be forgetting something.

“Please make me into your good girl….Daddy”

The pleading expression and twinge of desperation in your voice stirs something deep inside Bakugo. It was something akin to the last vestiges of some ancient seal had disappeared: The monster that it had rendered dormant had finally roused from its slumber, intent on wreaking havoc.

“You do understand that you’re mine now right ________? Every part of your being belongs solely to me”

Gorgeous ruby eyes scrutinize your face carefully, searching for a single trace of fear, uncertainty, or possible apprehension. All they found was admiration and girlish excitement, and this earned you a genuine smile from the almost always scowling young man.

“Yes, every part of me belongs to you now Katsuki”

“Better get used to this then”

Before you could inquire what he was referring to, he was kissing you.

❤️‍🔥

A/N: So concludes chapter one

Oh god I hope this is well received.

Should I get a tag list together? Is it too soon? If anyone would be interested leave a comment. SMUT in the next chapter, we’re moving faster here because let’s be honest; Smut is what all of us want! 💦

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter Eighteen

Amoreena Chapter Eighteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: hospital visits, fainting, IV's and ultrasounds!

word count: 5k

from the beginning <3

Y/N heads off to work at 8 on Wednesday, sick and miserable but it's her job. Leaving Spencer with the girls. “So, what are our plans for today?”

“We need to pick up some paint samples so we can pick for my room,” Jo replies, shovelling waffles into her mouth right after with syrup dripping down her chin.

Spencer passes her a napkin with a smile, “do you guys want to go visit my friend Penelope? She’s really good with aesthetics, as she calls them, she’ll be able to help the best.”

“She’s the one you told me about?”

Spencer nods, “yeah, I’m just going to call and see if she’s free today. Put your dishes in the dishwasher after, your mom doesn’t need to come home from work to do the sticky dishes okay?”

“Yes sir,” they both groan, jokingly, smiling at each other as they do so.

He runs up to his bedroom then, sitting on his side of the bed and taking his phone out of his pocket. He dials Luke’s number instead, knowing she’d kill him if she’s still asleep while he’s calling her.

“Hey man!” Luke answers, cheerful and very awake. “How’s the new kid?”

“Jo’s great, she’s settling in really well,” He smiles, news travelled fast in the BAU, “I actually want to introduce her to Penelope, is she awake and willing to take visitors this early?”

“Um,” he can hear Luke’s panic through the phone, “you know, here she’s beside me, she can tell you.”

“Hello, Spencer,” Penelope’s voice carries down the line and invoking a smile on Spencer’s face. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to introduce you to Josephine today, are you busy?”

“We have a doctor's appointment to go to in 10 minutes, but we’ll be home around 10:30?”

His brain stalls, malfunctioning a small amount at why Luke would be going to the doctors with Penelope. “You can’t be pregnant too, me you and Derek can’t all have kids the same age.”

“Savannah’s pregnant too?!” Penelope screams down the line, “holy shit.”

“Penelope!” Spencer shouts, “are you kidding me?”

“No, we were going to tell you soon, when you made that wine comment a few weeks ago I knew she was pregnant because I am too,” Penelope’s voice is so soft he knows she’s smiling on the other side.

She always wanted kids, that’s why she spoiled Henry and Hank so much, they were like her honorary babies until she was in the right place to have kids of her own. She has told Spencer time and time again how much she wants a family, how badly she wanted one but couldn’t find the perfect partner… then she met Luke.

“Put Luke back on,” Spencer sounds sterner than he means to, Penelope puts him on speaker instead.

“Are we going to have the father-to-son chat?” Luke teases him through the phone.

“I just wanted to thank you, this is going to be a really cool experience,” Spencer feels incredibly emotional at the thought of all 3 of their kid's meeting and being best friends.

“You just bumped Spencer to the top of my suggestions list,” Luke jokes in response, not able to handle the sappiness this early in the morning. “Thanks, man, So Derek’s going to be a dad again too?”

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” Spencer feels a bit like an idiot, “I don’t know how far along they are so just keep it a secret for now.”

“She’ll probably tell me when I tell her,” Penelope rationalized it, “it’s fine, Spence, all of us are having babies it’s a good secret to spill.”

“When are you due?”

“January 29th,” Penelope smiles, “you?”

“Y/N doesn’t know for sure, but she’s thinking it’s February 20th, if she got her math right,” Spencer confirms with a smile, “we have a doctor's appointment to see the little one in 2 weeks.”

“We find out if it’s a boy or girl today,” Luke added, and he can hear Penelope smack him.

“We’re not finding out! I want it to be a surprise!”

“I’m going to find out, I’m going to stare that sonogram down till I see a pee-pee or not,” Luke bickered back. Making her furious on purpose, like always.

“Good luck with that, it’s a blob and you’re a dork,” she fought right back, probably even more feisty now that she was pregnant.

That made Spencer just shake his head, he couldn’t even picture it. It was insane when Haley got pregnant and Hotch became a dad, he was so shocked when JJ got pregnant and her small body was able to do it. He’ll never forget seeing Derek become a father, it was way too eventful not to. But this, he never thought he’d see it.

She probably felt the same with him.

“We’ve got to go in now Spence, but we can pick up some brunch and meet you at ours around 11?” Penelope cut into his awkward silence, “you can see the ultrasound and be the first to know.”

“Sounds good, I’m really happy for you, Penny,” Spencer added with a smile. “Bye.”

“Bye!”

After he hangs up he shoots a text over to Y/N, “taking the girls to Penelope’s house, is there an extra booster seat for Amoreena anywhere?” And slides his phone back into his pocket.

Down the stairs, Jo and Amoreena are doing the dishes instead of just placing them in the dishwasher. Amoreena is on a stool, washing the plates as Jo dries and is able to reach the cabinets better to put them away. They don’t even know he’s there watching as they pass plates back and forth.

Then Amoreena jumps off the stool as the water drains, finally turning around to see her dad, “all clean! Mom shouldn’t have to do anything while she’s making a baby.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling, his girls were so perfectly kind and caring. It was like he won the genetic lottery being blessed with them.

“She’d really appreciate us keeping the house clean for the next few months,” Spencer agreed. “Are you guys excited or nervous about the baby?”

They both shrugged and moved in closer to the counter, resting against it as they thought it over. He pressed his lips together awkwardly as he waited, “I’m really nervous.” He announced, watching their faces turn to worry.

“Why?” Jo asked, “You’re really good at being a dad.”

“I haven’t done it from the beginning yet,” he’s open and honest with them, letting them know he doesn’t always have every answer but he’s brave enough to try.

“If anything,” Amoreena’s smart little mind gets to work, “because you’ve been so amazing without really knowing us, I can imagine Elly will love you the most because she’ll know you the longest.”

“Elly?” Spencer smiles, remembering how serious they all are about the next kid is a girl too.

Amoreena nodded, “she has the choice of 3 nicknames, Elly, Leo or Nora…” She’s clearly thought it all through.

“You know, I was thinking we should get something for Y/N and the baby, do you guys want to go to the store before we go see aunty Penny?”

They both nod enthusiastically, “can we go get changed first?” Amoreena asks, “I want to wear something nice.”

It makes him laugh, “of course, hey, before you go do you know where any more booster seats are for you?”

She bites her lip to think, “hmm, I think there’s one in poppy’s truck?”

“Okay, you go get ready, I’ll go talk to poppy,” Spencer replies, and before he can even turn around both of them are running up the creaky, loud, wooden steps and into their rooms.

He’s already in jeans and a plaid shirt from feeding the chickens that morning, adding just his running shoes and Grandpa’s hat, it was basically his now. He loved it, it felt right, it made Y/N and Amoreena smile when he wore it, and it completed the look of stay-at-home Farm Dad.

He walked right into Y/N’s parent's house, pulling back the screen door before walking, “knock, knock,” he says, smiling as he sees Linda rounding the corner from the kitchen.

“Spencer!” She cheers, wiping her hands off on her apron before pulling him into a hug. “How are your girls?”

“Good,” he smiles again, holding her close quickly before letting her go again. “I’m taking them to a friend's house, does Amoreena have a booster seat here?” He asks for the 3rd time that morning, not wanting to drive her anywhere unless she’s perfectly secured.

“Bob’s got one in the truck, leave your keys here in case he has to go anywhere and just take the truck, it’s easier than taking the seat out and putting it back in,” Linda problem-solved like it was her job.

“Okay,” he places his keys in her hand.

“Bob’s are on the wall by the door, have fun today!” Linda waved him off, “oh, and tell Y/N congratulations.”

“Oh, thanks,” he smiled, “the wedding was really fun.”

He’s just taking the keys off the wall and opening the door again when he hears her small laughter, “I meant on the baby.”

He turns quickly, “how did you know?”

Linda shakes her head, “there are 3 cases of ginger ale in the fridge and 8 empty boxes of saltine crackers in the recycling.”

He turns pink, embarrassed for some reason as if Linda didn’t know he was sleeping with her daughter. He nods with a press-lipped smile. “She didn’t want to tell anyone till the ultrasound.”

“I understand,” Linda smiled. “I’m ready to talk to her when she is, let her know that.”

“I will,” he smiled one last time, “see you later!”

And they were off.

—

He’s in a big red farm truck, wearing a farm hat and plaid while listening to Taylor Swift with his daughters.

He can’t help but shake his head at the insanity, agreeing with Taylor’s current lyric that’s being burned into his head, “fever dream high in the quiet of the night you know that I caught it!”

Amoreena and Jo are in the back, singing together as they share what songs are their favourites. It’s surreal, every single moment is, if it wasn’t for how badly it made his heartache to see them so happy he’d think it was all a dream.

The girls are very adamant about going to TJMaxx for a present for Y/N, saying it’s the best place to find nice things for a good price. Spencer would spend a million dollars on her if he could, but this was a group decision, and there were 2 of them now, so he never won anymore.

They get a decent parking space, getting out together they look insane. Spencer is a walking talking Woody from Toy Story at this point, Jo’s in all black and combat boots and Amoreena is a princess… it was an interesting group, to say the least.

They get a cart, pushing it up and down the aisles as they find a million and 1 cute things for Y/N. Everything from paintings to towels, maternity clothes and baby toys, makeup brushes and scarves… they were having the hardest time finding the best thing to get for them.

Spencer turned down the final aisle in the back corner, seeing a bunch of headboards and chairs, and a small little bassinet. It’s whicker and woven beautifully, light wood and a fluffy white inside. It’s soft, well made, and incredibly cute.

“Mom gave my crib to Aunt Ashely, she might like this!” Amoreena cheered, leaning over it to show that she was the perfect height to see inside of it too.

“I’m going to get it,” Spencer announces, “it’ll look nice in our room, and it’s good for the first few months while she’s really dependent on your mom.”

They were all on team girl now, Spencer and his little women just made the most sense. He couldn’t see anyone other than all his girls in his mind when he thought of the future, and he’s had enough time with boys anyway. Hank and Henry would always hold a special place in his heart.

The girls each wanted t pick something out for the baby, heading right for the girl section of the baby aisle. “Now, you have to remember that they’ll be very tiny in the winter, and around 6 months in the summer.”

Everything was actually decently priced like the girls said it would be, so Spencer went a bit overboard. It was his first baby too, he was allowed to spoil it. He stocked up on bib rags, swaddle blankets, pacifiers and cute little hats. Jo and Amoreena on the other handpicked out the cutest little winter coat. It would be perfect for the Virginia winter, a big brown bear coat that zipped up like a sleeping bag. She’s going to be so cozy.

Bringing everything to the cashier was fun, she could see they were all related and smiled, “another brother or sister on the way?”

Jo and Amoreena smiled, “in February,” Jo was the one to answer with a wide smile.

“Congrats!” She smiles as she rings everything through, bagging it all while Spencer pays and the girls take it all to the truck.

“Wait, so will I ever meet my other brother and sister?” Amoreena asks as they’re filling the bed of the truck with what they bought, completely out of the blue.

“Not for a while, Jo kinda broke the rules to find me and figured out who they are, but they can’t know till they’re 18,” Spencer explained.

She turns to Jo with a look of worry, “was my name on there?”

Jo nods enthusiastically, “oh yeah! You’re baby number 3! It goes me, Alice, you and then Dylan is the youngest.”

Amoreena starts to cry, it's soft at first as she goes silent and then she’s heaving as she thinks about it more. She throws herself into Spencer’s arms and he’s so confused. Shushing her as he rubs her back gently, “what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I knew it,” is all she can say. Holding him closer than before. “You were too great to just be my dad.”

Jo places her hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “she’s right.”

“You guys are the amazing ones,” he says softly. “Come on, let’s get in the truck and go see Aunt Penny, she has a surprise.”

Amoreena sighed as she pulled back, “I don’t think I can handle anything more.”

It makes him laugh, “it’s a simple one, I promise.”

—

Jo loves Penelope. They instantly click, discussing exactly how she hacked the Sperm bank in all the technical terms which ended up sounding like gibberish to Spencer. She was incredibly smart and very interested in the computer programming field. Penelope offered to take her under her wing.

Amoreena, however, fell head over heels in love with Luke. He was nice to her at the barbecue because he’s Luke and he doesn’t know how to be anything but nice, and she thought he looked like Prince Naveen from the princess and the frog… which just so happened to be her favourite and suddenly Spencer understood why she was in a green princess dress today.

It was adorable, she looked up at him like he was an actual prince with big brown doe eyes as she listened to him talk about all the knightly battles he’s been on recently. She was enamoured, having her first little kid crush on her Aunt’s boyfriend.

Spencer was holding Penelope’s sonogram in his hands, alone on the couch as his kids were deep in conversation with his friends. It was really cool, that’s all he could think. Himself, Derek and Penelope were going to have 3 kids all around the same age.

3 little people who got to grow up with a bond and friendship just as strong as theirs. Each of them having 2 best friends, 2 protectors, it was going to be amazing. He can see it now, a confident little Garcia, a feisty little Morgan and a shy yet chatty little Reid baby all together on the playground. What a nightmare for their poor teacher.

Y/N still hasn’t texted him back from this morning, yet she’s calling him now at 1 pm as they’re getting ready to leave, “hello, princess.”

“Can you leave the girls with Penelope and meet me in the ER?”

“Of what hospital? Are you okay?” He asks, and all eyes are on his horrified face.

Luke stands then, “I’ll take you, let’s go.”

“Bethesda, it’s not bad I just came in to check something and I want you here,” her voice is soft and she knows he’s going to panic. “I need you to breathe and stay calm or the kids will freak out.”

He takes a deep breath, “sorry I forgot we had an appointment today.” He lies pretty well.

“I’ll see you soon okay, text me while Luke drives me?” He’s quiet as he and Luke slip out the door.

“I’ll just stay on the line, I don’t mind, cutie,” he could see her smile in his mind as he listened to her. Able to actually calm down and think straight as he climbed into the passenger seat and handed Luke the keys.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t feel good, I was extra dizzy and sick a few times at work, so Allison made me come in. Savannah has me hooked up to an IV now, I’ve been so sick I’m dehydrated, and they wanted to do an ultrasound but I can’t see her without you here.”

His heartbeat settles a bit, the same thing happened to JJ. It was fairly normal, the first-trimester sickness was so horrific she wasn’t really eating, she had maybe 1 full meal a day even though he tried to get her to eat more. And she was drinking a lot of water, but she was also throwing up hourly. It wasn’t healthy.

“Okay,” he’s able to smile softly. “Thank you for wanting to wait for me.”

She hears his smile too, knowing he’s calm and okay. “She’s your first baby, baby, I want you to have all the firsts with her. Or him. I’m so settled on it being another girl I feel so bad sometimes…”

He can hear the paper of her hospital gown rustling as she rubs her small stomach. “I love you forever even if you are a boy, or you come out a quote-unquote boy and want to be a girl or the other way or neither or even both!” She’s clearly not talking to him anymore as she assures the baby she’s not going to be upset about its gender.

Luke drives like a maniac, Spencer knows from experience but he’s extra insane today. He has dad panic now too, he knows what Spencer’s thinking and so he guns it and he’s in the ER parking lot within 10 minutes. “Okay, I’m here where are you?”

“Savannah’s going to collect you at the door and bring you to me,” her voice is soft and calm still, “I’ll see you in a few minutes, love you.”

“Love you too,” he replies before hanging up. “Thank you, Luke.”

Luke places his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “you know by now I’d kill for you, right?”

Spencer’s heart has been at a capacity for love for a while now and yet it keeps getting piled on, “thank you. If you want to go back to Penny’s that’s okay. I’ll drive Y/N’s car back to your place.”

“Sure,” Luke smiles again. “Go see that baby, I want to see pictures after!”

With that, Spencer’s getting out of the truck and running into the hospital, holding his hat so it doesn’t fly off. Savannah laughs when she sees him, he’s so anxious and sweet and she’s always admired him for making Derek feel loved before her.

She places a hand on his back as she leads him down the hall, “she’s fine I promise, I wouldn’t be this chill if she wasn’t.”

“Thank you,” Spencer stops, “I really love her Savannah. Like if anything happens to her or my kids I will kill myself kind of love her and it’s terrifying.” His words are a whisper as he shakes, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m trying to be cool and collected for her but I need a minute.”

Savannah looks down the corridor past him, smiling softly as Derek walks out of Y/N’s room. “Derek was here for lunch when she called me.”

He wraps Spencer up in the hug he needs and Spencer just holds him. “You’re the best,” he says softly as he rests his lips against Derek's shoulder like he always does. And Derek messes up his hair, without fail.

Derek places his hands on his cheeks, “she’s really cool, but tomorrow is called off until they’re both past the first trimester and everything is chill, okay?”

“I forgot all about that,” Spencer’s eyes widen.

Derek laughs, “go see your girl, she invited us over for dinner after.”

“Penelope and Luke have to come too, they have big news to share today too,” Spencer spills the beans, “she’s going to be so mad at me for telling you but I have been wanting to scream about it for a few hours now.”

Derek’s face lights up, “I’ll be back!”

Savannah laughs as he runs down the hall, surely going to congratulate his best friend and tell her all about how cool it’ll be to all have kids together. With all the enthusiasm that Spencer kept inside, Derek was about to scream on his behalf.

Y/N’s a vision in the blue paper gown, laying on the table with her hand over her belly as Spencer walks in, “Hey, cutie.”

He peppers kisses to her whole face while she laughs, reaching up with her free hand, the other is all taped up with wires for her fluids. She looks much better already, her skin is glowing and the life is back in her eyes, she’s smiling again and he notices the 2 empty jello cups beside an unopened one.

“Derek made me save you one,” She adds as he notices it, “in case you passed out or something.”

Within minutes, he’s done his jello and there’s a new woman he’s never seen before coming in for Y/N’s ultrasound. She introduces herself as Aria and Y/N can’t help but mention she kind of looks like Arizona on Grey’s Anatomy.

She’s not far along enough for the regular ultrasound wand to pick anything up, wiping her belly clean of the jelly before prepping the other one and Y/N grips Spencer’s hand tighter. She looks like she hates it, and Spencer probably would too if some strange lady shoved a metal stick up his parts.

She’s clicking around on her own, Spencer knows she’s just a tech and she can’t really tell them anything until she does the first sweep for all the answers. She turns the screen after a few minutes, “here’s your little baby, we have a healthy heartbeat and a placenta up here in the top left.”

Seeing his baby is the most magical moment of his life. She was so tiny, the size of a sweet pea inside the love of his life. She looked like a little alien, tiny in her little sac as she floated around in there. Happy, and healthy and growing day by day.”

“Just the one?” Y/N confirms.

Aria laughs, “yes, nothing else is going on in here, but they are measuring more at 7 weeks, almost 8, instead of 6 weeks and 5 days, even with your period math, they might just be a big baby.”

“Our first kid was a chunky baby,” Y/N smiles, looking at the screen and oblivious to how Spencer smiles at the words our first kid…

“So this little one is good, in the fetal position and the tail is at the right length for development, they should look like a person the next time you see them. Everything looks like it’s on track and your HCG is doubling perfectly,” Aria was very cheerful. “You’re just sick because they’re super healthy.”

“I’m fine with that,” Y/N smiles again, “can I have a bunch of copies? Everyone is going to want one.”

“Sure,” Aria hits a few buttons, printing 11 photos off and handing them over to her in a long strand. “Have you looked into any OB’s for this one?”

“Not yet, I was going to bring it up tonight,” Y/N’s the only one talking, Spencer has no idea if he’s allowed an opinion on her body and he’s never going to give one unless she asks.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it! Here are some facilities we like if you need recommendations,” she smiles as she hands them a booklet. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Y/N swoons, sitting up to look at her little baby photos and read the booklet.

Once the woman is gone, she smiles at Spencer, “I want to do a water birth, how are you feeling about that?”

“Like I’ll be there no matter what you pick?” He answers, “I just want you to be safe and in good hands, preferably in a birthing centre where they’re all trained to care for you. I’ve been a little stressed at the idea of us living so far away from the hospital, so it’s better to not do a home birth in case something goes wrong last minute.”

It’s a Reid rant of epic proportions, “okay, water birth in a birthing centre it is. Plus, it’ll be winter so I wouldn’t want to drive in that while giving birth.”

“How long do you have to stay here?”

“Once my IV fluid bag is empty, I can go.” She smiles wide, holding his hand gently as she looks at him. “They’re going to send a nurse to the library on Tuesdays and Thursdays to ensure I get more fluids in me, and I’m also going to take some nausea meds now.”

“Thank you for calling me,” Spencer whispers, “I’m so happy you feel safe with Derek, and that he could have been here for you, but can you call me first next time?”

She nods, “I was scared, I needed to know if she was okay before I told you because I love you a lot and seeing you upset made me more scared.”

“I don’t want you to feel like that,” Spencer shook his head softly, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. “I may be a worry wort and an anxious crier, but I will hold your hand and I will be here, you mean more to me than anything else.”

She cupped his face with her free hand, “the girls better be on the same level as me.” She brings a smile to his face, “if anything happens to me you have to be strong for them, I know nothing bad will. But I need you to know I do have faith in you to keep going after me, for them. They need a parent, be it me or you, at 100% all the time.”

“I promise,” he smiles so she knows he’s true.

—

Penelope Spencer and Derek laid all 3 of their ultrasounds on Y/N’s kitchen table, a sticky note on each one. Baby Garvez, Baby Morgan and Baby Reid…

The Big Three 2.0 coming this winter.

Penelope took a photo of it, opening the BAU text thread that has all members past and present included. Sending the photo to everyone while they patiently waited for a response.

Jordan Todd: way to go!!! Can’t wait to see all that cuteness!

Anderson: !!! Bring them by the office sometime, please!

Hotch: Jack said he’s excited to meet his new cousins. Congrats guys.

Elle: is Penelope having 2 babies or did Spencer get a wife I don’t know about?

Emily: Congrats!! (And yes Spencer has a wife and 3 kids now apparently…)

Elle: pics or it didn’t happen

Spencer:

Elle: no fuckin way... congrats Reid!

Alex Blake: so proud of you Spencer, I always knew you could do it. Love is full of endless possibilities. Your kids will be so loved, I miss you all.

Matt Cruz: congrats!

Kate Callahan: we need to get you a triple stroller

Penelope: Please!! Zoo trips are going to be a riot with that!

Tara: so happy for you all!

Matt: Welcome to the club Spencer and Luke!

Kristy: and Y/N! We need to throw a big baby shower on the farm before the cold weather!

Will: JJ…

JJ: no.

Will: Spencer, tell nini I’m really happy she’s finally going to be a big sis, she’s always been so good with the kids. You made some great kids!

Spencer: thanks everyone ♥︎

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

@k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor

[lovemeleo]

Please write one were Asher has an allergic reaction and Sirius and Remus freak

Um so hi, surprise. I finally wrote something again. This prompt has been sitting in my ask box for god knows how long and I finally wrote it. Sorry it took so long, anon, but I hope you all enjoy. The SW world and it's characters belong to always fantastic @lumosinlove!

If you haven't read the rest of my Asher series, here's the link for tumblr and AO3!

cw: allergic reactions, talk of medicines, IVs, and hospitals

It started as a normal day, as most days tend to do. Remus got up first, doing some yoga in the living room before turning on the coffee maker to run while he was in the shower. He had this routine down pat so of course, he was ready with Sirius’s cup of coffee when the taller man came up behind him, nuzzling into his neck.

“Morning, mon loup.” Sirius mumbled, his voice still rough with sleep as his arms wrapped around Remus’s waist.

A soft smile spread across Remus’s face as he pressed the steaming cup of coffee into his fiancé's hand, “Good morning, Pads. I can get Ash ready for Lily’s if you want a shower before practice.” Remus said quietly, already hearing movement from the toddler’s bedroom.

Sirius answered with a kiss to his shoulder, looking up at him with a grin, “You’re the best, babe,” He said as he pulled away, cheekily slapping Remus’s butt before making his way to their bathroom. Shaking his head fondly, Remus turned to start getting Asher’s breakfast ready, the oatmeal cooking on the stove.

Just as he was about to go check Asher was awake, a small pair of arms wrapped around his legs from the side. Asher rested his head on his Papa’s hip, letting out a loud yawn. Remus couldn’t help the chuckle he let out, their son so much like his daddy, it was ridiculous.

“G’Morning, Papa.” Asher murmured, rubbing his eyes as he tried to wake up.

Remus picked him up, resting the toddler on his hip as he finished up his breakfast, “Good morning, mon chou. Sleep well?” He asked as he put the oatmeal into a bowl, topping it off with some berries before getting him set up at the table.

The little boy hummed happily, sipping his milk as he waited for the hot cereal to cool down, “Yep! I had a dream that Harry and I were wizards and we got to battle a bunch of bad guys and we won of course and it was so cool.”

Remus chuckled, sipping his coffee as he listened to his son’s dramatic retelling of his dream, “Of course, you won. Most powerful wizards ever, obviously.”

Nodding happily, Asher started in on his breakfast as he continued to fill his Papa in on the wizarding world from his dream. He had quite the imagination and it definitely came through his dreams.

When he had finished, Remus helped him wash up and get dressed before Sirius came in with his bag for the Potter’s house. Lily always watched Asher during their practices, letting him and Harry tire themselves out together. They were the best of friends, constantly attached at the hip. When they pulled up to the Potter’s house, Lily and Harry were already waiting on the front porch, the boy already jumping excitedly as he saw their car pull up.

As soon as Asher was released from his booster seat, he was running as fast as his little legs would take him. And Harry, not one to be outdone in the dramatics department, met him halfway and slammed him into a hug.

Lily laughed, coming down off the porch to give the two men a hug, “Sorry, I’m not gonna sprint up to you two,” She said, giving them both a tight squeeze.

“Wow, I see how much our friendship means to you!” Remus teased, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “Now, where’s that husband of yours? Still doing his hair?”

A loud laugh came from the doorway, James appearing with his bag thrown over his shoulder, “Yeah, you know me. Very much worried about my hair when I’m putting a helmet on.” He said, throwing his bag into their car before giving Lily and Harry a kiss goodbye.

After saying goodbye to their own little munchkin, the three men were off to practice. Today consisted of some dry land training for warm-ups before moving on to some drills. They were about an hour into their drills when Coach Weasley blew the whistle from the sidelines.

“Black! Lupin! You’ve got a call!” He yelled across the ice, his eyebrows furrowed as he held out the phone.

Knowing that calls weren’t allowed during practice unless there was an emergency, the two men were to the bench in seconds, Remus quickly grabbing the phone, “Hello?”

Lily’s frantic voice was on the other side of the phone, already talking, “Remus, I’m sorry, I literally looked away for a second, and then he was screaming. I didn’t even see-”

“Lily, take a deep breath. What’s going on? What happened?” Remus said, trying to keep his voice calm.

A shaky breath came through the speaker before she continued, “I took the boys to the park across the street like I always do, and they were on the playground. It was fine then all of a sudden, Ash let out a really loud scream. I got over there as soon as I could, but he had already hives. Harry said he had a bee on his arm and got stung. I called an ambulance, and we’re at Gryffindor hospital now in the ER. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even know he was allergic.”

Remus was already unlacing his skates, the phone held between his shoulder and ear, “It’s not your fault, Lils. We didn’t know he was allergic either. We’ll be there soon.” Quickly handing the phone back to their coach, Remus and Sirius ran back to the locker room.

In less than 5 minutes, the two men were back in their car, racing towards the hospital. “Fucking bees,” Sirius muttered, quickly pulling into the parking lot.

As soon as they were parked, both of them quickly ran into the ER, their hearts pounding in their chest as they reached the front desk, “W-We’re here for Asher Lupin-Black.” Remus said to the receptionist.

She pointed them down the hall and they were off, seeing Lily waiting in the hallway outside of the room. Lily met them halfway, Harry on her hip sniffling quietly, “The doctor is in with him right now. God, I’m so sorry. I had just gone to grab my phone to take a picture of them, Harry said they were chasing the bee. I didn’t even realize there was one by them.”

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “Lily, it’s not your fault. He’s a kid, these things are going to happen. You got him here as soon as you could and got him help, and we’re so so thankful.”

Sniffling softly, Lily wiped at her face, “I was so scared, all I heard was him screaming. The hives spread so quickly.”

The door opened as they stood talking, a doctor coming out of Asher’s room. His eyes widened at the sight of the two hockey players, probably realizing who’s child he had been working on before giving them a small smile, “Hi there, I’m Dr. Johannis. You must be Asher’s dads.”

“Yes, how’s he doing? Is he ok?” Remus asked as he stepped forward, already itching to get into the room and see his son.

Dr. Johannis was nodding before Remus had even finished, “Asher is doing fine. He came in with anaphylaxis from what appears to be a bee sting. Luckily, due to your friend’s quick actions, we were able to get him in the ambulance and give him a shot of epinephrine. He’s doing much better already, the hives have begun to fade. We do have him on oxygen at the moment as a precaution.”

Remus and Sirius both let out a breath as if a weight had been lifted directly off their shoulders. Asher was okay.

“Can we see him?” Sirius asked, his eyes flickering to the closed door behind the doctor.

Smiling, Dr. Johannis nodded, “Yes, of course. My nurse is just in there, double-checking his vitals. We want to keep him for a little bit longer to keep an eye on him but you should be able to take him home tonight.”

After thanking the doctor, Lily urged them on without her, “Go on, he was asking for you both. I’ll text Coach so he can let the team know. I’m sure they’re all worried.” Nodding, the two of them quickly made their way into the room. Asher looked so small on the hospital bed, an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth as he watched the nurse fiddle with the monitor. He quickly turned to the door as soon as it opened, eyes quickly filling with tears when he saw his dads.

“I’m sorry!” Asher cried, his voice muffled from the mask. Remus and Sirius were next to him in seconds, pulling him as close as they could without tugging any wires or IVs out.

Running a hand gently through his hair, Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Oh mon chou, it’s okay. You didn’t know that was going to happen.”

“We’re just glad you’re okay, bub.” Remus said, running his hand gently over the little boy’s back.

Sniffling quietly, Asher rested his head on his Daddy’s side, “We thought it was a bumblebee, and Uncle James said those are fluffy and they don’t sting and they’re nice. But it wasn’t fluffy and it was not nice.” He huffed, wiping at his face.

Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle, pulling Asher closer, “Well now you know which ones to stay away from, right?” He asked, feeling the toddler nod before he let out a loud yawn.

“Sorry to interrupt but I just wanted to give you a heads-up. The medicine we gave him through the IV might make him sleepy,” The nurse said from next to them, as he headed to the door. “Let us know if you need anything.”

Remus nodded, pulling the blanket over Asher’s legs as the little boy began to doze off, “Of course, thank you so much.”

Then it was just the three of them, the only noises coming from the monitor and Ash’s soft snores.

“Well. That was fucking scary.” Remus whispered, leaning over to rest his head on his fiancé's shoulder.

Sirius snorted, his head falling onto Remus’s, “Yeah, that’s an understatement. Thought my heart was gonna fall out of my ass when Coach said we had a call.” Remus nodded in agreement, remembering the moment he heard Lily on the other side of the line.

“The team is gonna spoil the shit out of him. Like he isn’t going to have to walk anywhere for months,” Sirius continued, his hand moving to run through Asher’s soft curls.

Rolling his eyes, Remus glanced over at Sirius, “You act as though they don’t already spoil the shit out of him. Leo carried him on his back all around New York last month. Nado sneaks him treats constantly. And if Dumo brings him one more toy, we’re going to have to move to a bigger house.”

Sirius couldn’t help the large smile that spread on his face because Remus wasn’t wrong. Asher was spoiled. The team loved him, and he loved them all right back. They were so lucky to have such a supportive chosen family, and Sirius didn’t really believe in God but shit, he was grateful to whatever deity gave him this life. He had a loving fiancé, a fantastic son, and the best damn family a man could ever ask for. There was nothing better.

And when their entire house was filled with hundreds of “Get Well Soon” balloons and an entire hockey team when they got home that night, all of the worry was entirely worth it to see their little boy’s face light up the room.

[writingsfromhome]

Nuclear Family I

A/N: As requested (accidentally deleted the ask soz) a Dad!Harry where you visit him with your daughter and you live together as a family even though the reality is far from it. But for the sake of your kid you put up with it. The next part gets better promise!

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V

--------

“Charlie don’t get too far,” I call out to my three year old. She gives me a disappointed look but I return one of my own and she drags her feet back to me.

Sometimes it felt like it had always been just me and Charlotte and other times it was hard to believe it would be almost four years since I’d had her. The moment she was born-two weeks early-on a rainy August day, I knew I made the right choice to keep her.

“When are we getting on the airplane?” my daughter pouts. She reminded me so much of her father with her bold eyes framed by her lowered brows. I remember when I held her for the first time in my arms and she blinked up at me, her big eyes were a dewy field reflecting her father. It was then that it hit me that no matter where he and I were on earth-we were still somehow connected. And since I was still in love with him then, it hurt. But I learned soon to pour my love into Charlotte and focus on raising her the best I could.

“We’ll be boarding soon." I pick her up and hold her on my knees to keep her from running off again. This was my first time travelling with her-her father generally came down to LA a few times a year to visit her so we never had the need to make the trip. This time, for her fourth birthday, we’d decided to go to London and stay there for the month. And since I was my own boss, I could take my work anywhere.

“I want to see daddy,” Charlie whines.

"We will babe,” I try to soothe her.

“Daddy” was Harry Styles, the Harry Styles. We met through a friend over six years ago when he was in LA. Up until meeting him, it felt like I was living a grey version of my life. Our chemistry was explosive and our connection instant--colouring my world a vibrant hue. We were in love-so in love I moved to London a few months later to be with him and it was going perfectly until I got pregnant. We agreed to keep the baby-it was a no brainer, but as the months went by and the reality sunk in, our relationship took a hit. Suddenly we were arguing about insignificant things, Harry stayed out late with friends or in the studio and wasn’t as supportive as he should have been, and I wasn’t happy. When I brought up the separation Harry looked almost relieved-which hurt. When I brought up moving back to LA he was enraged, but after a few days he agreed. Now, our Charlie saw him a few times a year when he lived in LA and she would stay with him. Our interactions were limited to picking her up and as I’d heard it Harry had a steady girlfriend for the past year. Despite all that, I still loved him. What we had was unlike anything I’d felt, seen, or read about before. I knew he'd felt it too, the music he released spoke the words he never said. But the ugliness of the last few months of our relationship always kept me from remaining wistful. Harry didn’t want commitement. He only had room in his heart for our daughter and I was fine with that.

We were staying around the corner from Harry’s at an air bnb for convenience. Ever since having Charlotte, I hadn’t been outside of the US so this was exciting yet daunting. The idea of seeing London again, all my old friends, and Harry gave me a rush of mixed emotions.

The landing and locating of our luggage had a few bumps and a minor tantrum but our taxi takes us to the flat where we are met with the hostess.

“There’s been a terrible mistake,” she wrings her hands as we stand in the heat of the summer afternoon.

“What kind of mistake?” My heart drops and there’s a tugging on my dress. Charlotte demands to be picked up.

“We accidentally booked another couple to the flat.” The woman responds.

“What?” If I wasn’t this tired, I would be shouting. “How can you make a mistake like that? I booked this well in advance!”

“I understand,” the woman says. “Your booking must have been accidentally cancelled and I-the couple is fine with sharing the flat-”

“I have a small child with me as you can see,” I cut her off not going into detail why our privacy was extremely important. “I’m not living with two strangers when I secured the place for all of August. This is bullshit,” I spit out, forgetting Charlie could hear me. This trip was not going how it should be. “I’m contacting air bnb and-”

My rant is cut short when my phone vibrates. Harry.

“Hi,” I answer.

“Daddy!” Charlotte yells into my ear. I hush her with a glance and try to listen to what Harry was saying.

“-landed? I was trying to reach you where are you?”

I sigh and give the woman a dirty look. “We’ve just arrived at the bnb and apparently there’s been a ‘mistake’ and it’s double booked so now I don’t know where-”

“Shit, stay with me,” comes Harry's steady voice.

“I couldn’t,” comes my own, slightly less steady voice. Staying with Harry would be bad for me. It would only stir old emotions back up and make it harder to leave once again. I just knew it.

“I’m right around the corner Y/N. Just stay until you find another place at least.”

I couldn’t argue with that. I agree and order an Uber, giving the woman a piece of my mind before I go.

Charlotte had fallen asleep on my shoulder in the midst of all of it so I struggle with the child, our luggage, and my phone when I reach Harry's.

“I’ll be right down,” he says. My stomach is suddenly doing sommersaults and I can barely feel my legs. I saw Harry near Christmas! Why was I suddenly so nervous?

“Hey,” Harry enters the lobby in a black shirt and jeans and his glasses sit atop his mess of hair. “You look lovely Y/N, but that’s nothing new.”

Harry's grin is like a crack in the ice surrounding us and I give him a quick hug hello.

“Let me get that.” He grabs the luggage and we wait for the elevator again.

“She fell asleep,” Harry brushes our daughter’s hands and she shifts on my shoulder.

“She’s been doing that since the ride,” I say. “I think jet lag is already doing her in.”

Harry smiles at her and the tenderness in his gaze holds me captive. It was a while since I saw Harry look like that.

Harry gets the luggage onto the lift and I follow him in. The mirrored interior reflects the glimpses he takes of me but I stay staring forward, not wanting to give in.

“Won’t your girlfriend mind?” I ask Harry when we enter his flat. “That we’re staying with you.”

“About that,” Harry scratches his nose. “I’m sure she’ll understand. We should talk though…about the trip.”

“Of course, let me just put Charlotte to bed.” Harry points out the spare room and I can tell Charlie will like it here with the amount of stuffed animals Harry's decorated the bed with. She was spoiled.

“So you can stay as long as you want here,” Harry begins. “Or if you want to find someplace else I understand. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”

He holds my gaze as he talks and I nod along. It was all very proper and polite, almost as if we’d never had anything more than a friendly relationship.

“What’s your schedule like?” I ask. “I know we already figured things out but if I’m staying for a few days here will I be in the way of anything?”

“I’m filming in a few days, I took a lot of time off the next couple weeks for Charlie but that’s it. Then I'm in the studio after that." Harry scratches the back of his head. “Just make yourself at home don’t worry what I’ve got to do.”

“I don’t want to get in the way. I know we didn’t plan for this,” I flush. Harry reaches over and squeezes my shoulder.

“I want you to feel comfortable, love...”

I’m suddenly 21 and Harry and I are on one of our first dates at a bar. He holds onto my hand and tells me he really likes me. He asks me if we wanted to take our relationship past the dating stage. I’m giddy and drunk on love and kiss him yes.

“Mom?” A small voice calls out.

“Yes!” I jump up and shake the memories off, rushing to the spare room. Charlotte sits up in bed with a frown on her grumpy face. “I’m right here babe.” I scoop her up and she holds onto me, already holding a stuffed koala in the other hand.

“So you’ve met Mr. Blake.” Harry walks into the room and points to the koala.

And just like that Charlotte is jumping into her dad’s arms and bubbling with laughter, explaining how his real name is Oreo. My heart squeezes watching the two interact. Charlie is more awake than before the plane ride as she continues with her endless chatter. Harey is wide-eyed and drinking in everything she says. She says something funny and he throws his head back laughing, kissing the side of her head while she giggles. Seeing them two made my heart full.

“Momma I’m hungry,” Charlie says abruptly.

“You must be,” I look at the time. “It’s been a while since we ate.”

“Let’s have an early dinner out,” Harry suggests.

“That’s not necessary-” I try to say but Charlie cuts me off with a big cheer and soon Harry joins in and he’s off with her riding his back with her hands clasped tightly around his neck. I would never win with those two together so I find my wallet and join them.

“I didn’t realise how much I needed this,” Harry says on our walk to the restaurant. It was a ten minute walk Harry wanted to take, reassuring me that we wouldn't be bothered. Charlotte holds her dad’s hand and stares in wonder at the new city around her. “I can’t believe you-she-Charlie hasn’t ever been down here.”

“She was so excited to finally see where her Dad lives,” I laugh at the image of her bouncing off the walls in happiness.

“I think the weirdest thing for me is that my baby has an American accent,” Harry comments.

“I never thought about that!” I laugh. “At least she won’t be saying things like crisps and the loo!”

“Oi that’s offensive,” Harry jokes. “My english is just as good as yours mate!”

“Now you sound Australian!” I tease.

Harry laughs and bumps his shoulder into mine.

“Australia has kangaroos,” Charlotte comments randomly.

“We’ve got a clever one,” Harry winks at me. “They’ve got massive spiders too.” Harry says to our daughter but little does he know she actively picked up spiders.

Charlie starts jumping like a kangaroo and soon Harry picks her up and sits her on his shoulder where she shouts to anybody who listens that she was on top of the world.

“I always tell people she’s got that energy from her dad,” I tell Harry quietly. There a shine to his eyes as he looks to Charlie and she looks down at him and shouts it louder.

“My mum and dad were thinking of coming around this weekend to see her,” Hadry suddenly says.

“That would be nice for her. To see her family,” I say.

“I mean you’d be there too?” Harry says.

“Oh, right.” My mouth dries at the thought of having to see his family. They were a great bunch but the way Harry and I ended things so abruptly was an uncomfortable reminder. “I’ll try to make it.”

“Charlie can have some sort of a normal family dinner,” Harry jokes.

“Both parents and grandparents? That would make her trip actually.” I say with a little bit of sadness. Charlotte wouldn’t grow up with both parents like Harry and I had the privlege of and that hurt me thinking about it.

“I wish she could have that all the time,” Harry sighs. He glances over at me as he says it and there’s something unspoken. But Charlie grabs a fistful of his hair and he has to get her down in her drunken power.

The restaurant is cozy and Charlie talks a mile a minute with the attention of both her parents. Every so often when she says something ridiculous or something related to an old inside joke from years past, Harry will glance over at me with a smile. It’s a secret language between us, and I swear I even feel his hand brush my own but I chalk it up to accidents. Harry had a girlfriend, he had no business doing that with me.

It gets more confusing later that night. Harry had plans to go out at 8 and Charlie falls asleep by half past 7. Being in LA time, I stay snuggled in the couch, watching a random movie Harry recommended. My eyes drift shut halfway but I’m awoken by a bang. My eyes squint in the dark as my hand feels for my phone. 1:47AM the bright display reads.

“Sorry,” comes a voice. The lights flick on and Harry stands dishevelled in the clothes he went out in. “I was trying to keep quiet I di'know you were sleeping!”

He was drunk-whispering which meant his voice was only slightly lower than normal. He stumbles towards me and falls onto the sofa, yanking his shoes off with a great deal of effort.

“Were you sleeping?” He asks me up close.

“I guess so,” I respond. “Did you have a good time?”

A part of me feels awash with sadness, the dull and familiar ache settling into my chest. Another part of me is angry at myself for still being in love with a man who could not love me the same way.

“It would have been nice if you came,” Harry reaches out and twists a strand of my hair. “Are you naturally a brunette?”

“I am,” I say gently. “You should drink water before bed.”

“No-no don’t start taking care of me!” Harry puts a pillow on his lap. “I’m supposed to be taking care of my girls. But I’m doing a shite job I guess.”

He stifles his laugh. I try to stifle the pang in my chest when he says 'my girls’ because it meant nothing more than just words. I couldn’t afford to read into these things. But when Harry switches the pillow to my lap and lays his head down, all self-control gets chucked out he door.

“It’s been so long since we talked,” Harry tries to whisper again. He reaches out to touch my hair again, his fingers lingering on my face before lowering to his side again.

“You came to LA a lot,” in my statement is also an accusation. He never came in to my apartment or asked me to go out.

“You never invited me in,” Harry says quietly.

“Surely I did?” I tell him.

“No,” his reply is almost a sigh. I realise maybe I didn’t make it so explicit.

“My mistake,” I admit. “But you know you were always welcomes.” I trace the bridge of his nose.

“I know,” Harry says with a boyish smile. “I was slightly nervous when we were on your terf. I didn’t ask either-you’re right.”

Involuntarily I brush my fingers through Harry's hair. Instantly, his body relaxes with a sigh as he closes his eyes. So I remove my hand immediately and nudge him.

“I should go to bed,” I wait for him to clumsily get up. We walk to the stairs together where Harry wishes me goodnight. He leans foward and misses my forehead by an inch, kissing my eyebrow instead.

“Night,” I back away into the spare where Charlotte sleeps, rubbing my eyebrow. In bed, I try to sort through my feelings. My eyes land on the sleeping body next to me and I pull her into me. She was all I needed, I try to remind myself. I was only here for her. Harry and I were never getting together again.