#ive been soo bad at posting lately SORRY

[bittersweet-alyssum]

[mothscotch]

I DID IT AGAIN RAHHHH um haiiiii (*ˊᗜˋ*) bad batters page

((i guessed what theyr inspired by ehehe.. bad hockeyist gives me leopard seal vibes idk why

>ALMOST FORTOG TO MENION U GUYS SOZ @kirfff @plumsliva OH THE TOP LEFT TWO ARE INSPIRED BY @kekamao (stingray.. ehe)

[shepards-folly]

the way my friend draws impulse changed my life actually

[mattscoquette]

update !!

hi yall i’m just keeping it real with everyone - sorry i’ve been slacking with writing/posting and getting requests done. i have a whole bunch of fics i need to write that are untouched sitting in my drafts and will prob be that way for a good while. my mental health has really been in shambles the last like month and a half and everything takes soo much out of me it’s horrible. usually writing is like my little escape from everything but lately it’s been so chore-like and i feel like everything i write is so bad. usually things like this for me fluctuate, where im okay after like a week, but lately ive just been so out of it everyday, and writing (as with a lot of other things) have been really really difficult for me. hopefully i snap out of it soon, and thanks for being patient w me i love u all 😞 i promise this isn’t me “giving up” on writing, and me saying i’m “taking a break” sounds too serious, so this is just me basically saying i’m not writing until i feel like i can write again.

edit: also this isn’t me being like an “oh feel bad for me” kind of post, i just like to keep everyone in the know because know i get a lot of requests and i say i’ll do them. and i will, it just will be a bit until i start feeling a little bit better.

tldr: my mental health isn’t great right now so it’s gonna be a bit before i write again.

thanks again i love u all so so much 🤍🤍

posted july 18

[thisisegregiouuuus]

ok i was gonna make a post abt my rh oc kitty but i got distracted like usual so i gotta say 2 THINGS!!!

first of all, im kind of getting back into warrior cats...not rlly the books, but moreso the game clangen which im legit obsessed with, and its kind of similar to how i act w royale high. ill randomly be like 'oh hey i havent been on clangen in a while' so i hop on, get attatched to it for a week or 2 at most, and then wham bam thank you MAM!!! im sick of it and leave

but rn im back on it! and im kiiinnndddd of maaaaybbeeee considering starting a new clan and recording the events and stuff on a new blog/account/idk whatever thingy here on tumblr (for the billionth time... bc u have NOOOOO idea how many times ive started a new clan, been like 'oh yeah, this is the one', documented it for ages, then just gave up on it. i probably have like 10 random google docs floating around that are documenting random stuff in random clans </3) so yeah, idk if its gonna happen, especially bc i kind of need to focus on school rn, so idk. i might leave it to do it on the holidays but who knows if ill still be interested by then....theres always too much things going on around me and in my brain for me to even keep up

and also if anyone was wondering, yes i kind of am into warrior cats, i useed to love it as a kid and i still do. i remember playing the old roblox roleplay game back when it was just like rlly shitty cylinder morphs of cats back in grade 8 but let me tell u....the poor quality just added the more fun and charm to it. not even kidding, i loved it so much. i literally would stay up every single night so late just to rp, that game used to be my life, like i cant put into words how much i loved that game. every night i played the warrior cats rp game, that would be the highlight of my day, or the thing i was most esxcited abt after school was over. but things are different now, dont get me wrong the new and improved version of the game is rlly impressive, but ill always miss the good old days with the bad morphs of the cats </3 they will always hold a dear place in my heart, and same with all the fun and memories i made playing that game

also bc of how often i used to rp i became like a pro, like i was rlly confident and everything came naturally, but now ive left it for too long, i havent roleplayed in what feels like a billion years, and im hella rusty </3 it rlly sucks bc rn id love love looooveeee to get back into roleplaying on roblox. even if it isnt on warrior cats, id be happy, i just miss roleplaying in general

anyway im going soo off course rn. i did read the warriors books as a kid but i didnt rlly read the series in order tbh, like i remember reading into the wild, but thats it. otherwise id only read the special edition books lmao, idk why but i did and i loved them, and even tho i basically didnt follow the chronological story line, i still loved warrior cats sm

anyway that abt does it for the whole warrior cats stuff. idk where its gonna go from here but for now ill just enjoy clangen as is

and now that i said all that i cant be bothered mentioning the second thing lmao. its legit almost 2am im not even kidding, and i have to wake up at like 9am </3

sorry for any spelling mistakes and stuff btw this isnt proof read

[lemonchips]

ive been soo so bad w posting on here lately, sorry about that! but for my tyler the creator oriented followers, i have officially animated a music video for him !! this is genuinely such a huge milestone for me ^_^

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep. 

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.  

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version.  We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.  

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release. 

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017. 

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol 

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page. 

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris​ said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter 

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

[vegetalass]

Don’t Just Eat the Egg, Eat the Whole Damn Nest

LMFAOOO i wrote most of this WEEKS ago after I saw this post on @rockboci’s blog abt WHAT IF twig was a RO and i was like…. Dam they right

Found it again 2nite and finished it up

Tfw ur sidestep but u also have a crush on sidestep :(

i also really wanted to figure out how to make that scenario of ‘two sidesteps’ work bc.... Damn we all sidestep bros

I also saw another post on Malin’s blog about peoples sidesteps interacting… and i was like…. Yea…. me too…

Ive been SOO busy lately that i havent been keeping up with fallen hero but all the spoilers i do see look LIT

Hopefully i can catch up soon!

Warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers.

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth and Twig belongs to @rockboci

gn!Sidestep/Twig - 1229 words

It’s uh... funny the way things work out. The way that fate sometimes decides to run its course right off the track and straight into the stratosphere.  

You’ve always heard people joke about things such as alternate universes, or parallel lives, yet it has always led to you wonder why it was you that actually happened to end up in one.

Metaphorically speaking, of course, because you like to pretend that you’re someone completely normal and that nothing bad has ever happened to you in your life. EVER.

Not that you’ve ever truly managed to convince yourself of that, as there are a lot of things that you’ve done and have had done to you that you’d rather not think about, but you try to live your life the way someone normal does. You eat the things you like, you smoke the things you want, and you do your best to believe that everything is easier now that you’re not living a life that someone else created for you.

And what can fate do about that?

Nothing, because you continue to watch Twig do exactly the same.

They don’t look like you, not even close, and still, it seems as though you’ve been following their tracks since before you can even remember. Back before you had seen the sky, when you still used to listen to other kids whisper about who had and who hadn’t managed to see the real world as if it wouldn’t get you all killed if anyone human heard.

You know they all did, and knowing that is even the reason you got to escape.

“You know,” Ortega said once, interrupting your thoughts while wiping coffee cake crumbs off his cheek as he spoke, “I did tell Chen you were nice.”

You try to be kind. You try to be strong. And you like to hope that you know Twig a little better than you have ever let on.

Granted, they know you, too, but... you seem to have some form of mutual understanding when it comes to keeping quiet about the things that only the both of you know.

Your shared abilities, for one. Your different-yet-shared heinous plans, another. Even Dr. Mortum, and a bunch more stuff like that.

Except that… Twig works for themselves, and you, um... work for the good of the people and all things that come with upturning the government on behalf of getting revenge and once and for all being free.

Vice versa, maybe?

Not that you could ever say that out loud, of course, as you’ve always been more of an “in your head” type of person anyway, which you find to be quite ironic in this case, when Twig just so happens to smile whenever you think anything mean.

Twig knows all this about you, though, as well as the in-your-head revenge game that you play, as you find that they actually happen to know a lot. You know they agree when you think about it, and you can always feel the way Twig’s thoughts shift from black to white as if they were saying “cheers” to the single-person party in their mind that was made up of only you.

You don’t catch them smirking. You never do. 

That being said, Twig is… not really a secret. Not to you, at least. And it’s a funny battle that you fight almost every single day, because you aren’t a secret to them, either.

Twig sees Ortega. You, in a way, look, at Ortega. Twig looks at Herald, and you, just as strangely, see Herald.

Or... something like that, at least. You don’t think too hard about what’s really happening anymore, spending more time focusing on both getting revenge and then running away for the rest of your sorry life. Twig raises their glass to that thought, as well.

Because it’s as if fate decided to slice the world in two when you died during the Heartbreak at the exact same time as Twig.

Different room and different window, but still. You would argue that it counts, even if some might say the split came around the same time you were extracted from a water tank into a world already succumbed in tears.

You always knew Twig was actually a crybaby. It was just too bad you didn’t really know them at all, and frankly still don’t.

You just don’t know if that’s a good thing. You don’t know if you want to.

Not that you were ever on the waiting list to become a Ranger the way that Twig was, but you had your moments.

You remember Ortega. His smile, his charm, and his big, warm hands. You remember Chen, who in retrospect didn’t like Twig much either, and how you felt whenever he turned his back towards you but his front towards them. And you definitely remember feeling as favored as a lonely and lost vigilante could ever could, even when Twig gave all the interviews and you simply made your way.

Things weren’t great as a vigilante, but you had your friends, and Twig had theirs. It was just a shame that they were the same people.

You almost wish you could go back. Back to when all the titles (and skintight clothing) still fit, although in some ways, you like to think that sometimes, they still do.

Even if they can and did get you killed.

You can’t blame the Rangers for picking sides, just as you can’t blame Twig for feeling equally as resentful when they failed to find their body, too, and then decided to give up.

Or something.

Whatever.

You have that in common.

Same home, same hospital, same death.

Cheers, Twig!

There’s a silent conversation you have with Twig, one that hangs on the balance beam between trust, empathy, and the fact that you, in a way, almost share blood.

Twig ignored the thought during the last time you saw them. Although, they happen to ignore you a lot, anyway, as you remember in detail how you could only sputter are the blank expression they passed your way during the last time you tried to converse, as if you were never meant to have a place on this split-in-half-earth.

Even if you’re partly why it split.

Oh well.

“I was thinking that, uh..” you start, feeling like one of those ugly gray birds with big red eyes, before you’re interrupted by a voice as cold as steel.  

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.” Their reply is quick, yet miraculously timed and callous, even if you do your best to assume that it was a joke.

Ortega looks at you with raised eyebrows and shrugs, doing nothing to hide the broken-lipped smirk that opens his jaw.

You try again, voice hoarse “I was thinking that maybe next time you go to the diner, I could come too.”

You try to smile, pushing any annoyance you feel towards Twig full force.

They don’t seemed phased, however, and continue to smile slightly at Ortega’s laugh when he assures you that, yes, you’re always welcome to get dinner with them at “any time and always.”

Twig’s thoughts twist again, the way they always do when you think of them, especially now at your insistence that you don’t want to be left behind, and you can feel that fucking smirk again.

You wonder what it’s like to have a sibling.

[hugsfromdad]

(3) and that the friend I like was worried that it was too late and that I was over her. Now I’m wondering if maybe she still likes me, but I don’t want to completely ruin our friendship if I tell her again that I like her and that’s not the case with her.But I also don’t want to wait too long to tell her in case she does like me but begins to move on.So do I just take the risk and confess that I still like her and ask how she feels?Sorry this was kinda long, I hope you’re having a good summer❤️

3/3

Kiiiddddd omg. This is a lot. But it's good!!

I totally think you should go for it. If you two are that close as it is, y'all should be able to weather out whatever, even if she doesnt have feeling anymore. But tbh, it sounds like she might have them for you still.

I recently have just been going for things. And honestly, I feel so so so much better. I have asked girls I liked if they like me back, ive been honest with others about my feelings, and really, it been putting my heart at ease in a lot of ways.

Life is so so so so short and fragile--TOO short and fragile to avoid going after a person you love who you have a good chance to have something with! Just be honest and open. Dont need to be over the top about it. Just like a "hey, can we talk? Ive been so stressed and confused about how to deal with this situation because you are so incredibly important to me and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship, or make you feel uncomfortable. However, i do still have feelings for you. Its not something I'm telling you cause i want you to feel pressured to reciprocate, but i wanted to say something. Cause my biggest fear is not saying anything and missing out of something we could have had but missed cause neither of us spoke our feelings."

It doesnt have to be exactly like that^^, but maybe/hopefully that gives your some verbage as to what you might want to say(?)

I wrote a message to someone earlier this summer cause I was in this exact situation. I was tired of freaking out and not sleeping, so i just wrote it all out, in a fashion similar to what's written above (but so much longer cause im a long winded bitch) and i told her everything. And honestly, I felt so much calmer afterwards. I hoghly recommend it.

AND, im gonna say this too: even if it doesnt work out, she is immature about it are or freaks out and y'all stop being friends, you will be able to hold your head high and have a peace about you because you were honest and open, and that's what a true friend does. My situation after I sent that message...started out really well, and then she got weird and stopped communicating and I dont even know what's going on with her. HOWEVER, i actually have a lot of peace about it because I know that it wasnt me. That i was honest and open and consistent. And I did nothing wrong. Whatever is going on is something she needs to figure out and contact me about.

I know my situation on the surface probably doesnt inspire a lot of courage, but i actually hope if you look deeper that it does; I was having an existential crisis for months on end as well. I was constantly freaking out and wondering. (Its the fucking wondering that absolutely shredded me from the inside) but because I finally spoke it, I feel at peace now. Even though it didnt go the best way.

I.👏 Feel.👏 At.👏 Peace.

Soo.... TLDR: go for it! Even if it doesn't end as you hope, you will finally get answers and can stop freaking out about it. You wont have it simmering just below the surface, adding pressure and making you feel inssne and like youre about to explode.

Please please please keep my posted on what happens! Good or bad.

And as always, sending you love and hugs and strong and courageous vibes. You're so incredibly brave for being vulnerable.

💕- dad

[gghero]

🔥 pokemon and SU

OKAY THIS IS LONG. WAY LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. MORE THAN AN UNPOPULAR OPINION POST, IT TURNED INTO AN ALL-OUT OPINION POST

putting it under a cut; the pkm one is way longer and more detailed, SU is a plain ol unpopular opinion post and shorter so im putting it first.

SU:

honestly, i’ll be the first to say that the show is not perfect, that the characters cant stay on model (its still not enough to bother me or ruin everything because, cmon, im getting to watch the show for free) that the crew have made mistakes, that certain characters deserve better/worse, that certain lessons felt out of place, and all that jazz.

but hey, its not the worst thing to ever happen. i found SU while it was at its peak (late season 1 - early season 2, the best SU has ever been IMO) and even though im trying to not interact with the fandom anymore because of some toxic stuff that happened, i find myself enjoying the storyline, the worldbuilding is great and everything about the art style that is not proportions (backgrounds, palettes, character design) is arguably some of the best in current animation.

my beef with the fandom and most critical blogs is that the discourse sounds like the same stuff over and over and the general attitude is very snarky and condescending. my rule of thumb is that if youre going to critique something, you have to also give your ideas on what you would do in their place. i also felt talked down to everytime i interacted with them, and most people dont even know how to discuss things so any valid points they might bring up didnt phase me after rolling my eyes at their behavior. they also tend to treat their opinions as the objective truth - or only reblog from their fellow critic blog friends.

pokémon:

oh, pokémon. one of my most beloved video game franchises of all times. yet theyre not exempt from criticism. of course, none of what im about to say ruins the experience for me (otherwise, i wouldnt still play the games and making fanarts, DUH) 

the games. first of all i have to say that theyre incredibly engaging. i find myself caught up in the hype before a big reveal, preordering and picking up the new game as soon as it comes out, and then playing non-stop until im satisfied with it... and usually thats it. yeah. one of my biggest complaints about pokemon is how replayable the games COULD be, if only gamefreak did the simplest thing of just adding more save slots. of course, ive ended up deleting old save files in order to replay a game, and thanks to pokebank i can keep my babies, but cmon. all the items you collected, the complete pokedex, how far you went in the battle chateau/battle tree/etc... its all lost forever. the game would also be infinitely more replayable if the post game were more extensive (rather than being like “here, go to the battle building of this generation and battle”). i think implementing side quests or achievement unlocking that gives you in-game perks would add so much.

ALSO GAMEFREAK please stop adding and changing and removing features that we like every single generation!!!! i was not bothered by character customization being removed in ORAS because i understand its a remake and they wanted to keep something similar to the original designs of may/brendan but!!!!! The PSS was GREAT, but you replace it with festival plaza that was... not great!!! you take away pokemon amie, which allowed more experienced players to farm hearts very fast via the minigames!!! you took away the super training!!!!! it makes it look like they dont know what theyre doing, and i understand that they want to shake things up, but i stg if we dont get ride pokemon in gen 8 and instead we are back to HMs, im gonna scream.

my next complaint is how... small the games feel. im not asking for an open world yet (short answer; yes i believe its doable) but the amount of hand holding and tutorials in the last games bothers me, not to mention how limited the exploring feels when compared with older games? dont get me wrong, the gym/trials system is not bad per se - its mostly the map, its soo so so tiny and easy to navigate. i feel like they could look at earlier zelda and mario games and do something similar; an exploration mechanic like twilight princess’s would work so well. you have huge areas to explore while keeping it closed-world, and i never found myself getting tired of roaming around hyrule. in comparison, routes in pokemon feel very small, towns especially are SO tiny, and pokemon is a franchise that would REALLY benefit from the sense of adventure that non-linear larger maps offer.

next is the art direction. im definitely not a genwunner; i think some pokémon designs are good, others are not as good, but i dont have a huge bias towards, say, kanto (kanto’s good designs are good, but kanto’s bad designs are the worst, if it makes sense?) if i had to choose, i’d say gen 2, 3 and 4 are the ones that better represent what i want pokemon to look like in general, but that might be because i love monster-like pokemon like ampharos, swampert, garchomp - huge and bulky-looking pokemon - rather than pokemon that look too much like regular animals or inanimate objects. 

human character design is also good. they have been doing great in terms of racial diversity lately, but i do wish there were more “not-paper-thin skinny” characters (especially women) (and the ones that are fat/obese dont look suspiciously more cartoony/comic relief-y than the main characters); and older characters as well, specially women. 

i think my fave art direction is from black/white (1 and 2), the stylisation, clothes design and especially color palettes were gorgeous. i like a lot how the eyes and highlights/shading looked in black/white (1 and 2) - i think it was Take who did most of the art, instead of Sugimori and Ohmura.

(im sorry but im feeling the top image squad look much more)

my biggest complaint about pokemon’s art direction is that the 3D simply doesnt look its best as of now. im not a fan of the pixel-y black outline all models have, the colors of most pokemon in their 3D models look so washed down in general, and the backgrounds really suffer from this. i must say that changing the angle from a zenit POV to a third person camera in sun/moon was a step in the good direction, you get to see further in the distance and feel like the world is immersive. 

the color palettes for backgrounds could be better too, they have definitely taken a step in the wrong direction and went from this:

(pretty, muted but not extremely pastel or washed down; nice colors, those greens and browns are gorgeous - and yeah sorry about the bottom pic having a slight filter on, but cmon, its not like base game looks much different, remember?)

to this:

(aggressive colors, dont give me a sense of harmony, that extremely orange dirt and sky and almost neon green grass make my head hurt)

i have to say i preferred how the pixel-y, half 2d half 3d style of gen 4 and 5 looked, imo its the best pokemon has ever looked, but they clearly dont have the technology to make breathtaking, fully 3D games yet. i’d say its a necessary evil though so im hopeful for the future. and no, i dont want hyperrealistic textures or pokemon designs either (pokken style is so detailed it feels a little uncanny valley at times, specially with less realistic pokemon like gengar or gardevoir). ideally, pokemon will look like breath of the wild’s 3D character models, with that watercolor-ish style, the cell shading and the vibrant vivid colors. AND NO OUTLINES PLEASE.

finally the last point about the games is the storylines. I generally like pokémon storylines. they’re very good when you are caught up in the action, specially as of late, theyre adding cutscenes and dialogue-heavy scenes that dont feel out of place. but i cant bring myself to LOVE THEM as much as i love other videogame storylines. they still feel a little basic (this is not a problem because of the game’s formulaic nature, mind you) and while they havent shied away from more mature elements in the past, the overall tone is a little immature at times with a big huge plot heavy climax thrown in, and thats it. (and before you tell me pokemon is for kids: i know, but other shows and games for kids dont fall in the same plain secondary characters rut as pokemon does.) i would love for the Main character to have some sort of agency too because i feel like im following what other characters decide for me (at least give me dialogue options that, you know, DONT YIELD THE SAME DIALOGUE NO MATTER WHICH YOU CHOOSE).

thats about all i have to say about the games themselves. not gonna talk about anime or manga bc im not really into those

as for the fandom... its generally chill. its huge, but its divided in so many sub-groups that you never feel overwhelmed. the competitive community might be more toxic ive heard, but im more into the plot and characters anyways.

i do have to call out the huge p///edophilia problem there is. being a franchise most people grew up with, characters like idk, misty, may, dawn (its girls more often than not) were older or the same age as most of the older fans were back in the day. as a result, they have obsessed with their image since they were kids, and this obsession has continued now that theyre grown ass people, and they have no problem consuming and producing huuuge amounts of porn for these characters. as for the latest games, these disgusting people have even less excuse (not that they ever had) there’s tons of CP and adult x minor ships out there, and its allowed to thrive more often than not because of the sheer size of the fandom, too.

PHEW.

[riskeith]

you just responded and i nyoomed to answer. yes my days consist of waiting for you. yes i’m not ashamed to admit it. <3

that makes so much sense actually? like A Lot of sense. i don’t think you should feel bad about that at all i mean if you are comfortable with how you perceive them then by all means! haha! what’s fun about fanfics is that people can take one character and shape them in so many different ways. canon doesn’t anyways give us depth to characters yet writers do which 🙏🏽 godsent. but then again, it can feel weird if someone makes them behave like ~someone~ else haha. i remember it used to be a hot topic in voltron actually, where people would portray lance as a weak and emotional guy only even if he’s arguably the bravest and most bamf... people didn���t like that very much. do you know what i’m talking about?

I’M SO EXCITED TO READ ALL OF THESE. thank you so much you just set my late night weekend plans 😏. and oh god esselle is the ao3 writer. i love their bnha fics so much. can’t wait to read their haikyuu stuff as well. kagehina too... 🥺 dude, i saw some oikage things last night and i have my eyes open.. 👁 i know you like them a lot so hm... i’ll definitely read that as well i love the summary already.

he’s puppy-like so would he like to play in the water? i want to say so, just bc i think it would be cute for him to splash around 🥺

just one?? wow now i get what you meant in your earlier messages, shskdhsk. all my current friends i’ve known since we were children, i don’t even know how to make new friends irl tbh.... AND SAME!!!! CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS GO BRR. and god the best thing is how things change but at the same time they don’t? like they start to notice little things and realize they’ve always liked them? or the ‘i thought best friends felt like this towards each other’.... aaaaaaaah. 🥺 but then again enemies to lovers.. the tension and the yearning? the moment everything just snaps? god i couldn’t pick my favorite i don’t think. i just love those two so much equally hahah.

if it’s cyberpunk vibes i will combust. i love those aesthetics so much.. (waiting for ps5 to restock so i can run around in night city in cyberpunk 2077 forever.) but yeah it makes sense for it to be themed like that but it’s so funny to think about transporting from the whispering woods to like... large billboards and grungy streets. AR 35?? oh that’s must earlier than i expected. so i take it the main story isn’t done yet?

how sexy, even though this blog is just our messenger app at this point snskdhkddhj.. once again, i’m sorry riskeith stans.. 🙏🏽

i wish i could get you all the cotton candy in the world. and wow kenma HAIR!! sounds so cute but wait oh my god,,, do you have short hair,....... 😳💗💓💕👁💘💝💓😭💗👀💖💓💘💝💞 do you? 😳💢 how was it shaving everything? must’ve been such a big decision!! 😳

ikr? like most of the fics i’ve read portrays them as a angst ship which i do love a lot but you’re right it’s funny bc in canon they’re just.. supportive idiots. i think it’s the oikawa fangirls thing and iwa being annoyed by it that people get hooked on. at least i think since it’s almost always there in the fics... :+ DO YOU LIKE IT? i’m so obsessed with it i saw a edit on ig with klance and that song earlier and it fits them so well too... 🥺 anyway back to iwaoi, i think i like writing from iwa’s pov actually? i haven’t tried writing much from oikawa’s yet but idk.,, iwa’s personality just speaks to me. also i like that oikawa’s personality is so complex to understand, it’s easier to spice up the angst that way. (I DON’T 🥺 it’s such a sad topic for me bc it’s my ultimate dream to drive but it costs soo much money to get it here and i’ve been too busy to invest... 😭 wbu?????) I KNOW MEMO AND OH MY GODNESS? i’m sure the fic is sooo good oh god.... the vibes. 😭 please tell me what it’s about. please. 🙇🏽‍♀️

OH it means that i’m just gonna reread your fics until you post something new... here i thought i was being clever and cute shshskdhdks

STOP YOU KEEP MAKING ME SO EXCITED aaaa ma’am please... think about my heart. 🥺

here’s a new topic to discuss; are you a coffee or tea person? (or neither.. please don’t say so)

kiss, m.a. 💘

i keep forgetting to check whether you’ve responded or not before shutting down my laptop and i’m left to answer on my phone 😭😭 and i too spend my days awaiting your responses <333 but i always forget to check after a period of time HFJSKFKSKCKNC i swear i’m checking like once every 5 min but the moment i forget you respond NCKSNDN

bro (do you mind being called stuff like that lol) writers give us everything canon is too cowardly to give.… truly blessed 🙏🙏 yeah i do!! there are a lot of complaints about mischaracterisation in hq fandom too actually… which i think is fair enough but at the end of the day just let these people have their fun you know.. it’s not harming anyone and if you don’t like it just don’t read! lol

i haven’t read much of esselle’s bnha actually (aside from tdbk) but i just know they’re absolutely amazing!!!!!! absolute legend i hope (i know you will tho hehe) you enjoy her kagehina toooo. and yes oikage!!!!!! omg pls 😭😭😭 i wish they were more popular aaaa

🥺🥺🥺 razor in one of those baby pools.. RAZOR WITH POOL FLOATIES!!! my goodness 😭😭😭😭

fjksnxksndm yeah but i think i might be an outlier in that… LOL oops. and you’re so right like they just grew up together and like grew in love it’s so natural and just comes to them like they were always supposed to be together and they are <333 bc soulmates <33333 BUT YEAHHH THE MOMENT EVERYTHING SNAPS YOU KNOW IT!!!!! god when person A SAVES person B even tho they’ve “hated” them the entire time...… but when they were faced with a tough circumstance they realised they couldn’t bear the thought of being without them 😩😩👌👌👌👌👌👌

omg ps5.… ngl i considered buying a ps console so i could play the last of us 2 chxjjskskxjxjs. have you seen all the cyberpunk memes tho? lolol. nah main story isn’t done!! i think the main story is supposed to develop all 7 worlds until we find our sibling so like.… it ain’t gonna be over for a LONGGGG time (lol omg could you imagine if mih*y* pulled a me and like 4 worlds in was just ‘ok soz i’m uninterested now you can imagine how the game would’ve gone’ HFJSJFKSKFKDJ)

HAHAHAHHA it legitimately is. riskeith who??? more like marriage anon stan account. fjdkfnnd anyways to my other followers hope y’all are enjoying the show 🤪

i do have short hair rn!!! lowkey a bowl cut but i’m also trynna grow out a mullet djksndksnd. and having a shaved head was so nice.. i literally just couldn’t stop touching it after cjskckksnfks. and it wasn’t that big of a decision to me tbh i’m not that fussed about my hair like i know some other people are djskkd the biggest obstacle was getting my parents to agree 💀💀💀 (much like i am trying now..…) i used to have my hair long for ballet, but once i quit i just kept getting it cut shorter and shorter and then voila! shave. GJDJKSKDND

true.. jealous iwa.. i have that in one of my wips i believe FJSJJCKSKDK (it might even be in the memo fic?) AND UHHHH i didn’t love the song ;–; it’s just… slow HFKALDLAKDK and not the mood i was in when i heard it cjdkslxllskcjskcnkscnkzmxmcm omg no not klance 😭😭 they have a lot of angst too.. (i say, as if there isn’t a single klance fic of mine that doesn’t have angst JFJDJSKDJ) OMG YOU LIKE WRITING IWA POV TOO???? you 🤝 me iwa kin. i joke that it’s because i, much like him, am very much in love with oikawa. (aw no i’m so sorry for bringing it up 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i’m on my learner’s rn!) IVE POSTED THE OUTLINE ONCE (not a good sign… LMAO) https://kaheyama.tumblr.com/post/190015338287/yall-want-some-iwaoi-angst THERE!! also wait i just realised it has manga spoilers.… maybe don’t look fjdknfjd (you could stop after “pining iwaizumi hajime” but i don’t want to accidentally spoil you 😭😭)

JFKSKSLAKFKSKCJLSKD IM so sorry it WAS clever and cute my brain was just not big enough at the moment to understand 😭😭😭😭😭 but thank u as always i appreciate 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 so honoured you would even think about going back to them lord knows i don’t KFKSJSKA

HEHEHE NO MERCY!!! but ok ok i shall lay low until the day comes 😋😋😋

tea!! simply bc i can’t sleep if i drink coffee fjskfjsj. but that’s been happening with tea too so i haven’t even had tea recently 😭😭😭😭😭 flavour wise i think i like coffee more but also you get so much more variety with tea? hm. HAHA. hbu??

hugssss, c.r. 💝

[humansareweirdsedition]

Humans Are Weird: Women’s Edition Part XII

Alright, it’s time for Part XII. Again, my apologies for the late post, due to university, expect updates at least once a month.

However, I will post little character profiles and other things in between updates. In the meantime, please enjoy Part XII. Let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks!

Part I >> Part II >> Part III >> Part IV >> Part V >> Part VI >> Part VII >> Part VIII >> Part IX >> Part X >> Part XI >> Part XII >> Part XIII >> Part XIV

Vallion stared, mesmerized by Fatima’s eyes. Vallion felt like ages had passed since they last seen the rich darkness of her eyes. Looking into her eyes felt like looking into the vast depths of two galaxies sitting side-by-side, one melting into the other in endless vortexes. Vallion could stare into her eyes forever and always find something beautifully new about them― “Ahem!” With a start, Vallion looked up to see Murakami pointedly glaring at them.

“Sorry,” they said. Alright, Vallion, focus on the vid. Taking a seat, Vallion began watching the vid again, picking up where it left off.

<<“ ―Mel,”>> Murakami drawled, <<“but I figured this’ll be a fun way of passive-aggressively pissing him off.”>>

Fatima smiled that mischievous smile of hers. <“Good one, sir.”>> Her eyes sparkled.

Vallion wanted to hear more of Fatima’s voice, but Mel interrupted her. <<“Alright, all languages except Standard Galaxic are forbidden.”>> Mel’s way of speaking really pissed Vallion off.

It looks like Fatima feels the same way. She’s crossing her arms, Vallion noted as they continued to watch. <<“What will you do if we don’t comply?”>> Really, what could Mel do to her? He can’t lower the particle barrier and abuse Fatima. Murakami would beat the shit out of him first. Or both women would beat the shit out of him.

Vallion contemplated Mel’s possible actions when he heard the dreaded word “This” before Fatima dropped to the floor, screeching and clawing at the back of her neck.

Frozen, Vallion let the holo-device slip through their fingers. The device almost fell to the floor, but they caught it at the last possible second. They hadn’t expected such pain. They hadn’t expected to see Fatima in pain. Carefully, they held the holo-screen close and tapped the holo-vid again, this time prepared to brace themselves against her screams. Watching was painful. Painful to listen, to watch. They felt their chest tightened and throat close as they helplessly watched Fatima curl up on the floor, clutching the back of her neck like a wounded penjax.

Then the holo-vid cut to Murieal Dalais, Ichi Hyung’on, Lorell Church, Mueg Kuku’ish, Wapun Reeds, Mish Lokkion, Lurk Nellion, Soo Mi Moon, and more and more and more. All of them in pain, curled up, clawing at their necks...

At some point, Vallion snapped the holo-device in two to stop the screams, but the screams continued. Their friends’ screams still rung in their head.

Dropping the broken device, Vallion glanced at Murakami and closed their eyes, resigned. Silencing the screaming, Vallion opened their eyes and stared straight at Zeelot. “When are we to speak?”

Outside the holding cells of the Auction, the sounds of lifeforms and the usual hustle-and-bustle of a bazaar were audible. It was muffled, but Balogh could imagine a Getvi bargaining with a Koosh to lower the price on a used photon generator or a litter of H’hish pups stealing orogo berries from a food stand. The scenes she imagined were perfectly normal, except reality was not so innocent.

Outside her holding cell, Balogh heard roaring lifeforms betting to the highest bidder on the lives other lifeforms from the Frek’jon and soon she would be up.

Soon, she would be sold; never to see her friends, her family, anyone she loved, ever again.

If anyone said she wasn’t beside herself in grief, Balogh would sock them in the mouth. Even now, as she anxiously sat between two Pollikons she named Randolph and Gustav, Balogh wanted to scream. Cry. Mourn.

Last night she, Vallion, and Murakami addressed their crew and told them to give up, let the bad guys win because who the fuck would have thought those crazy alien bastards implanted shock-collar chips in their spines? This is shit, she thought for the hundredth time, this is some fucking shit. Fuck.

Restlessly, she bounced her legs until Randolph told her to quit it. “How ‘bout I don’t, Randolph? Dontcha know amma nervous wreck ‘ere?” she spat.

“Shut up, fleshbag,” Randolph snarled, slamming one extremity down on her nervous knee and shooting pain up her body like rocket to the moon.

“LA NAIBA!” Balogh doubled over and cradled her injured knee; the searing pain slowly seeped into her bones and left her with a numbing sensation like hitting her funny bone. Glaring at Randolph, she threw every curse she knew at them; she screamed at Randolph; she screamed at Gustav when they tried to smother her.

The two Pollikons  only pissed her off more.

“Pray tell, what are you three doing?” a new voice demanded. Glancing up, Balogh saw Zeelot flanked by Krellion and Murakami. Randolph and Gustav went into attention, terrified and silent. “Well...?”

Finally, Randolph spoke, “Cargo Inventory No. 246531 spoke Earthen. We were disciplining it―.”

“Her. I’m a her, măgar,” Balogh cut in, still cradling her knee. Randolph shot her a death glare; she sneered back; and everyone was silent.

Then Zeelot stepped forward and blasted Randolph’s skull. Balogh started screaming as blood spray and warm bits of flesh covered her and the others from head-to-toe. Her screaming continued when Gustav tried to escape only to have their head blasted off. Her fear maxed out when Zeelot turned to her and―  

.

.

.

With a start, Balogh shot up from her cot and found herself back in her prison cell. It was just a dream, she realized as she breathed a sigh of relief, a gory and terrifying dream. Her nerves were getting to her. Her trembling hands served as proof. Time to get your mind off that awful dream, Lily.

Swinging her legs off the cot, Balogh stood up and checked the holo-device mounted against the wall to check the time. “I’ve been asleep for only two hours. Fuck,” she mumbled. Except for reading the indoctrination itinerary the pirates had most graciously bestowed upon her and her crewmates, she had nothing to do besides sleep in her cell. But not for long, she thought as she sat back down. Soon, she would be standing beside Murakami and Vallion, to address her crewmates, just like in her dream. However, she refused to feel helpless like her dream-self. She could not afford to give up; her parents, her husband, and her two little boys were waiting for her at home on Luana. She would not give up hope.

“FLESHBAG!” Startled, Balogh clutched her chest and said a prayer under her breath while Wilk, her usual Pollikon guard, stood in front of her cell with their arms crossed. “I’ve been calling you for three drushs. I’m to escort you to the others.”

“Sorry Wilk, I was lost in thought,” she said as she stood up. “The future is terrifying after all.” Wilk gave her their usual look; and she threw back her head and laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re going to miss me after this, huh Wilk?”

Wilk snorted and lowered the particle barrier. “Just follow me. I don’t have all gulkib, and Zeelot doesn’t have much patience these days.” As Wilk turned to leave, Balogh followed after them.

“So,” she began, “do you finally trust me? I’m not handcuffed or anything like before.”

Wilk shook their head. “You know the spinal chip is your handcuffs.”

“I guess...” she drawled as she finally caught up with them, “but we’re friends now, right? After three months on this hunk of junk, you trust me and like me and wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to me.” She nudged their arm and stayed by their side.

“Delusional. You’re delusional,” they scolded her, yet they still nudged her back.

Then the two of them walked in silence, comfortable in each other’s presence. Balogh would tell anyone who would be willing to listen that the friendship she struck with Wilk was oddly conceived, but the relationship was doomed to fail. Wilk and their crewmates were selling Balogh and her crewmates at the Auction; friends didn’t sell each other off at the highest bidder, which just proved she and Wilk couldn’t be friends. What the two of them had now was an illusion concocted to make the transition less painful, but for who was still questionable.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she said once they both arrived at their destination. Three days after this announcement, they were to arrive at the Auction. “Don’t get into trouble,” she ordered before entering the prisoner’s mess hall where the future awaited.

Wilk watched the door close behind Balogh and felt a pang in their chest. They knew the pang was sadness; the emotion was one Pollikons were too well accustomed to feeling.

However, Wilk had never felt sadness towards cargo until they met Balogh.

Balogh treated Wilk and the other Pollikons like equals; she did not discriminate against them; she did not insult them, curse them like the H’hish did. She took the time to talk to Wilk and the other Pollikons; to know their likes, dislikes, and worries. She never pushed when an uncomfortable topic came up; and when Wilk asked questions, she responded just the same. She talked and laughed and cried with them; she became...Wilk’s first friend.

Then again, Balogh was cargo; cargo was their livelihood; their livelihood was escape from death and slavery. Balogh was likely devising an escape from imprisonment, or at least a rebellion; she didn’t care about them or any of the other Pollikon on the Frek’jon or in the rest of the Viraaj’lieon Empire.

But one human doesn’t change anything, Wilk thought for the thousandth time, not a thing―

“―lk. Wilk!”

Nearly snapping their neck, Wilk turned around to find Snell scowling at them. Bowing to their commanding Pollikon, Wilk apologized for their error. “My apologies for blocking the entrance, Xeu Snell.” Wilk stepped aside to allow Snell passage, but Snell did not budge. Instead, Snell circled around Wilk before forcing them to their knees. “Xeu Snell?”

Snell practically spat as they said, “I saw you, Leu Wilk. I saw you and that piece of filth walking side-by-side, chattering away like forokj. I nearly expelled my latest meal at the sight.”

Wilk felt their hearts drop. “Xeu Snell, I do not know what you mean―”

“Shut it,” Snell snapped, pushing Wilk flat on the floor. “Captain Zeelot said you were working with the humans; I didn’t want to believe them.”

“I’m not, Xeu Snell. You know as well as I how humans easily bond with other sentient lifeforms. I was gaining Balogh’s trust, making her think I’m kind. Check my holo-dev if you don’t believe me. I’ve composed personal detailed info on her and her crewmates.”

Snell dropped on heavy foot on Wilk’s back and unclipped the holo-dev off Wilk’s waist. The two of them remained silent as Snell went through the holo-dev’s contents. After several long drushs, Snell finally said, “I’ve transferred all the information to Captain Zeelot and deleted it from your holo-dev. Never gather information on your own again, or else I will not be so kind.” Tossing the holo-dev on the floor, Snell walked into the mess hall without another word.

Taking a deep breath, Wilk tried to calm their rapidly beating hearts. That was too close.

Balogh made her way on a makeshift stage set at the far end of the mess hall, passed the silent crew of the Voyager Moana. She walked behind the curtains of the stage and saw Murakami and Vallion surrounded by guards. Balogh took her usual position on Murakami’s left-hand side and took note of all the guards; the Pollikons stood behind them and at all the exits. Balogh smiled. “Doesn’t this situation remind you of when Rear Admiral Woshmellnick farted in the middle of High Priestess Yulnick’s blessing ceremony on Planet Icknock?” she whispered to Murakami and Vallion.

Vallion shook their head, but smiled. “I felt mortified when that happened, like I was the one up on stage.”

Murakami hip-bumped Vallion. “And here I thought H’hish couldn’t feel second-hand embarrassment,” she teased.

Vallion chuckled. “Neither did I until that day; and many more H’hish will second it.”

Balogh frowned. “But not any we will meet after tonight.”

The three of them went silent until Murakami said, “We are in a no-win situation, but...but we can’t give up hope. I’ll find a way back to you and everyone else. I promise.”

Vallion nodded. “I can’t give up either. I’ve found a...place where I belong with our crew. I won’t stop searching for a way out.”

Balogh bubbled with laughter, prompting Murakami, Vallion, and the guards to stare at her like she suddenly sprouted a tail. “We are one stubborn crew, huh?” she finally said through the laughter. “We don’t know when to accept defeat. I’m glad.” She reached out and held onto her friends’ hands. “How much would you wanna bet the rest of our happy-go-lucky crew of idiots are thinking the same thing?” she asked, smiling like a fool, but she knew she wasn’t the only fool; Murakami and Vallion were smiling, too.

Murakami rested her head on Balogh’s shoulder. “Let’s go inspire our crew―”

“―and piss off Captain Zeelot, Surgeon Krellion, and Slave Mel?” Vallion finished, bringing them into a six-armed hug, “Because I have a feeling we’ll be doing exactly that.”

“Yes, and it’ll be perfect,” Balogh said. Grinning like fools, the three of them found Snell and told them they were ready.

Snell sneered at them, saying, “You all are fools,” but Balogh and the others didn’t mind because as the curtains were pulled away, the crew of the Voyager Moana was filled with the happiest-go-luckiest of idiots in the universe.

[snowwolf1118]

Humans Are Weird: Women’s Edition Part XII

Alright, it’s time for Part XII. Again, my apologies for the late post, due to university, expect updates at least once a month.

However, I will post little character profiles and other things in between updates. In the meantime, please enjoy Part XII. Let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks!

Part I >> Part II >> Part III >> Part IV >> Part V >> Part VI >> Part VII >> Part VIII >> Part XI < > Part XIII

Vallion stared, mesmerized by Fatima’s eyes. Vallion felt like ages had passed since they last seen the rich darkness of her eyes. Looking into her eyes felt like looking into the vast depths of two galaxies sitting side-by-side, one melting into the other in endless vortexes. Vallion could stare into her eyes forever and always find something beautifully new about them― “Ahem!” With a start, Vallion looked up to see Murakami pointedly glaring at them.

“Sorry,” they said. Alright, Vallion, focus on the vid. Taking a seat, Vallion began watching the vid again, picking up where it left off.

<<“ ―Mel,”>> Murakami drawled, <<“but I figured this’ll be a fun way of passive-aggressively pissing him off.”>>

Fatima smiled that mischievous smile of hers. <“Good one, sir.”>> Her eyes sparkled.

Vallion wanted to hear more of Fatima’s voice, but Mel interrupted her. <<“Alright, all languages except Standard Galaxic are forbidden.”>> Mel’s way of speaking really pissed Vallion off.

It looks like Fatima feels the same way. She’s crossing her arms, Vallion noted as they continued to watch. <<“What will you do if we don’t comply?”>> Really, what could Mel do to her? He can’t lower the particle barrier and abuse Fatima. Murakami would beat the shit out of him first. Or both women would beat the shit out of him.

Vallion contemplated Mel’s possible actions when he heard the dreaded word “This” before Fatima dropped to the floor, screeching and clawing at the back of her neck.

Frozen, Vallion let the holo-device slip through their fingers. The device almost fell to the floor, but they caught it at the last possible second. They hadn’t expected such pain. They hadn’t expected to see Fatima in pain. Carefully, they held the holo-screen close and tapped the holo-vid again, this time prepared to brace themselves against her screams. Watching was painful. Painful to listen, to watch. They felt their chest tightened and throat close as they helplessly watched Fatima curl up on the floor, clutching the back of her neck like a wounded penjax.

Then the holo-vid cut to Murieal Dalais, Ichi Hyung’on, Lorell Church, Mueg Kuku’ish, Wapun Reeds, Mish Lokkion, Lurk Nellion, Soo Mi Moon, and more and more and more. All of them in pain, curled up, clawing at their necks...

At some point, Vallion snapped the holo-device in two to stop the screams, but the screams continued. Their friends’ screams still rung in their head.

Dropping the broken device, Vallion glanced at Murakami and closed their eyes, resigned. Silencing the screaming, Vallion opened their eyes and stared straight at Zeelot. “When are we to speak?”

Outside the holding cells of the Auction, the sounds of lifeforms and the usual hustle-and-bustle of a bazaar were audible. It was muffled, but Balogh could imagine a Getvi bargaining with a Koosh to lower the price on a used photon generator or a litter of H’hish pups stealing orogo berries from a food stand. The scenes she imagined were perfectly normal, except reality was not so innocent.

Outside her holding cell, Balogh heard roaring lifeforms betting to the highest bidder on the lives other lifeforms from the Frek’jon and soon she would be up.

Soon, she would be sold; never to see her friends, her family, anyone she loved, ever again.

If anyone said she wasn’t beside herself in grief, Balogh would sock them in the mouth. Even now, as she anxiously sat between two Pollikons she named Randolph and Gustav, Balogh wanted to scream. Cry. Mourn.

Last night she, Vallion, and Murakami addressed their crew and told them to give up, let the bad guys win because who the fuck would have thought those crazy alien bastards implanted shock-collar chips in their spines? This is shit, she thought for the hundredth time, this is some fucking shit. Fuck.

Restlessly, she bounced her legs until Randolph told her to quit it. “How ‘bout I don’t, Randolph? Dontcha know amma nervous wreck ‘ere?” she spat.

“Shut up, fleshbag,” Randolph snarled, slamming one extremity down on her nervous knee and shooting pain up her body like rocket to the moon.

“LA NAIBA!” Balogh doubled over and cradled her injured knee; the searing pain slowly seeped into her bones and left her with a numbing sensation like hitting her funny bone. Glaring at Randolph, she threw every curse she knew at them; she screamed at Randolph; she screamed at Gustav when they tried to smother her.

The two Pollikons  only pissed her off more.

“Pray tell, what are you three doing?” a new voice demanded. Glancing up, Balogh saw Zeelot flanked by Krellion and Murakami. Randolph and Gustav went into attention, terrified and silent. “Well...?”

Finally, Randolph spoke, “Cargo Inventory No. 246531 spoke Earthen. We were disciplining it―.”

“Her. I’m a her, măgar,” Balogh cut in, still cradling her knee. Randolph shot her a death glare; she sneered back; and everyone was silent.

Then Zeelot stepped forward and blasted Randolph’s skull. Balogh started screaming as blood spray and warm bits of flesh covered her and the others from head-to-toe. Her screaming continued when Gustav tried to escape only to have their head blasted off. Her fear maxed out when Zeelot turned to her and―

.

.

.

With a start, Balogh shot up from her cot and found herself back in her prison cell. It was just a dream, she realized as she breathed a sigh of relief, a gory and terrifying dream. Her nerves were getting to her. Her trembling hands served as proof. Time to get your mind off that awful dream, Lily.

Swinging her legs off the cot, Balogh stood up and checked the holo-device mounted against the wall to check the time. “I’ve been asleep for only two hours. Fuck,” she mumbled. Except for reading the indoctrination itinerary the pirates had most graciously bestowed upon her and her crewmates, she had nothing to do besides sleep in her cell. But not for long, she thought as she sat back down. Soon, she would be standing beside Murakami and Vallion, to address her crewmates, just like in her dream. However, she refused to feel helpless like her dream-self. She could not afford to give up; her parents, her husband, and her two little boys were waiting for her at home on Luana. She would not give up hope.

“FLESHBAG!” Startled, Balogh clutched her chest and said a prayer under her breath while Wilk, her usual Pollikon guard, stood in front of her cell with their arms crossed. “I’ve been calling you for three drushs. I’m to escort you to the others.”

“Sorry Wilk, I was lost in thought,” she said as she stood up. “The future is terrifying after all.” Wilk gave her their usual look; and she threw back her head and laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re going to miss me after this, huh Wilk?”

Wilk snorted and lowered the particle barrier. “Just follow me. I don’t have all gulkib, and Zeelot doesn’t have much patience these days.” As Wilk turned to leave, Balogh followed after them.

“So,” she began, “do you finally trust me? I’m not handcuffed or anything like before.”

Wilk shook their head. “You know the spinal chip is your handcuffs.”

“I guess...” she drawled as she finally caught up with them, “but we’re friends now, right? After three months on this hunk of junk, you trust me and like me and wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to me.” She nudged their arm and stayed by their side.

“Delusional. You’re delusional,” they scolded her, yet they still nudged her back.

Then the two of them walked in silence, comfortable in each other’s presence. Balogh would tell anyone who would be willing to listen that the friendship she struck with Wilk was oddly conceived, but the relationship was doomed to fail. Wilk and their crewmates were selling Balogh and her crewmates at the Auction; friends didn’t sell each other off at the highest bidder, which just proved she and Wilk couldn’t be friends. What the two of them had now was an illusion concocted to make the transition less painful, but for who was still questionable.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she said once they both arrived at their destination. Three days after this announcement, they were to arrive at the Auction. “Don’t get into trouble,” she ordered before entering the prisoner’s mess hall where the future awaited.

Wilk watched the door close behind Balogh and felt a pang in their chest. They knew the pang was sadness; the emotion was one Pollikons were too well accustomed to feeling.

However, Wilk had never felt sadness towards cargo until they met Balogh.

Balogh treated Wilk and the other Pollikons like equals; she did not discriminate against them; she did not insult them, curse them like the H’hish did. She took the time to talk to Wilk and the other Pollikons; to know their likes, dislikes, and worries. She never pushed when an uncomfortable topic came up; and when Wilk asked questions, she responded just the same. She talked and laughed and cried with them; she became...Wilk’s first friend.

Then again, Balogh was cargo; cargo was their livelihood; their livelihood was escape from death and slavery. Balogh was likely devising an escape from imprisonment, or at least a rebellion; she didn’t care about them or any of the other Pollikon on the Frek’jon or in the rest of the Viraaj’lieon Empire.

But one human doesn’t change anything, Wilk thought for the thousandth time, not a thing―

“―lk. Wilk!”

Nearly snapping their neck, Wilk turned around to find Snell scowling at them. Bowing to their commanding Pollikon, Wilk apologized for their error. “My apologies for blocking the entrance, Xeu Snell.” Wilk stepped aside to allow Snell passage, but Snell did not budge. Instead, Snell circled around Wilk before forcing them to their knees. “Xeu Snell?”

Snell practically spat as they said, “I saw you, Leu Wilk. I saw you and that piece of filth walking side-by-side, chattering away like forokj. I nearly expelled my latest meal at the sight.”

Wilk felt their hearts drop. “Xeu Snell, I do not know what you mean―”

“Shut it,” Snell snapped, pushing Wilk flat on the floor. “Captain Zeelot said you were working with the humans; I didn’t want to believe them.”

“I’m not, Xeu Snell. You know as well as I how humans easily bond with other sentient lifeforms. I was gaining Balogh’s trust, making her think I’m kind. Check my holo-dev if you don’t believe me. I’ve composed personal detailed info on her and her crewmates.”

Snell dropped on heavy foot on Wilk’s back and unclipped the holo-dev off Wilk’s waist. The two of them remained silent as Snell went through the holo-dev’s contents. After several long drushs, Snell finally said, “I’ve transferred all the information to Captain Zeelot and deleted it from your holo-dev. Never gather information on your own again, or else I will not be so kind.” Tossing the holo-dev on the floor, Snell walked into the mess hall without another word.

Taking a deep breath, Wilk tried to calm their rapidly beating hearts. That was too close.

Balogh made her way on a makeshift stage set at the far end of the mess hall, passed the silent crew of the Voyager Moana. She walked behind the curtains of the stage and saw Murakami and Vallion surrounded by guards. Balogh took her usual position on Murakami’s left-hand side and took note of all the guards; the Pollikons stood behind them and at all the exits. Balogh smiled. “Doesn’t this situation remind you of when Rear Admiral Woshmellnick farted in the middle of High Priestess Yulnick’s blessing ceremony on Planet Icknock?” she whispered to Murakami and Vallion.

Vallion shook their head, but smiled. “I felt mortified when that happened, like I was the one up on stage.”

Murakami hip-bumped Vallion. “And here I thought H’hish couldn’t feel second-hand embarrassment,” she teased.

Vallion chuckled. “Neither did I until that day; and many more H’hish will second it.”

Balogh frowned. “But not any we will meet after tonight.”

The three of them went silent until Murakami said, “We are in a no-win situation, but...but we can’t give up hope. I’ll find a way back to you and everyone else. I promise.”

Vallion nodded. “I can’t give up either. I’ve found a...place where I belong with our crew. I won’t stop searching for a way out.”

Balogh bubbled with laughter, prompting Murakami, Vallion, and the guards to stare at her like she suddenly sprouted a tail. “We are one stubborn crew, huh?” she finally said through the laughter. “We don’t know when to accept defeat. I’m glad.” She reached out and held onto her friends’ hands. “How much would you wanna bet the rest of our happy-go-lucky crew of idiots are thinking the same thing?” she asked, smiling like a fool, but she knew she wasn’t the only fool; Murakami and Vallion were smiling, too.

Murakami rested her head on Balogh’s shoulder. “Let’s go inspire our crew―”

“―and piss off Captain Zeelot, Surgeon Krellion, and Slave Mel?” Vallion finished, bringing them into a six-armed hug, “Because I have a feeling we’ll be doing exactly that.”

“Yes, and it’ll be perfect,” Balogh said. Grinning like fools, the three of them found Snell and told them they were ready.

Snell sneered at them, saying, “You all are fools,” but Balogh and the others didn’t mind because as the curtains were pulled away, the crew of the Voyager Moana was filled with the happiest-go-luckiest of idiots in the universe.

[lunedin]

I’ve been tagged by several people to do this tag..so I have to answer many, many questions :’)...anyway let’s do this

RULES:

Answer the new questions given by the previous person

Write 11 new questions  I’m uncreative af

Tag 11 people I don’t know how many people already done that tag...aaand I’m too lazy to tag too :’) sorry..

@queenofkadaara‘s questions (thank you very much for tagging, dear <3):

i. what music genre do you usually listen to?

I usually listen to slavic folk songs...I’m weird ok :’D

ii. what words would you use to describe your aesthetics?

Idk...weird? Shitty? Dumb? I’m not ver good at this :’D

iii. favorite tea flavor?

Uhhhmmmm..probably some kind of berries, I really like blueberry flavour :D

iv. favorite time period? why?

WINTER!!!! The only season I’m not feeling hot :’)

v. favorite motto / quote?

Waść machasz jak cepem!!! idk ok XD

vi. language you wished you speaked?

POLISH!!!!!!!! I want to speak it so badly..

vii. name of your first plushie / stuffed animal? do you still have it? and while we are at it, do you still have plushies?

I don’t really gave my first plushie a name since I got it when I was born :’) but yeah I still got it :) I only own one plushie and it’s made by my friend, it’s a green/white whale and his name is Asse :D

viii. what color do you wear the most?

BLACK! Black is my happy color :’)

ix. favorite ice cream flavor?

Do you know these blue ice creams??? They taste like bubblegum..so yes..

x. most emotional fictional moment? can be from video games, books, movies, etc.

Don’t remind me of Stygga Castle :’)

xi. if you could make one fictional character real, which one would you pick?

*cough cough* MY HUSBAND!!!! EMIEL REGIS ROHELLEC TERZIEFF-GODEFROY :3

@lithialetheia‘s questions (Thank you veeery much Ali! :3):

I. What’s your favorite flower? Why? Does it have some special meaning for you?

Blue..it doesn’t have a special meaning..I just really like it :’D

II. Which song describes you better?

Ugh...*cough* Mad World- Gary Jules

III. Do you like classical music? Who’s your favorite composer?

I don’t listen to classical music :’)...but I would say Beethoven :’)

IV. In which city would you like to live?

Warsaw or Kraków XD

V. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Why?

Mermaids...I’ve always been fascinated by them

VI. What’s your favorite word?

Kurwa x)

VII. Who’s the person you desire to meet currently?

Ugh....my whole squad tbh :’D

VIII. What’s your favorite profession?

Profession?...never heard of it xD I don’t have one ok

IX. Who’s the person you admire the most?

@queenofkadaara <3 and @dandelionandbuttercup :D

X. If you could be a fictional character which movie, book or videogame would you like to be in?

Everything that has to do with The Witcher xD

XI. Can you post a photo of your favorite accessory? It can a ring, necklace, bracelet, piercing, glasses, etc., something you usually like to wear.

My witcher necklace..I don’t have a pic of it but I searched for one on the internet :’)

@vattgherncirilla‘s questions ( thank yoe soo much!! ^^): I. what’s your favorite game and why? The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt..all of my Witcher love started with this game..it’s still my favourite out of all the witcher games!

II. why do you have tumblr?

Idk..I thought it could be fun :’D

III. what do you think about this war between Team Triss and Team Yen people?

It’s unnecessary...everyone prefers another woman for Geralt..You just have to deal with it tho I fight that war with my brother XD

IV. which team are you: Triss or Yen and why?

Yen. I think Geralt and her are just working very well :’) besides..I don’t really like Triss x)

V. which character (from book, game, movie) you appreciate the most?

REGIS!! the end

VI. what’s your favorite meal? describe it!

Pizza..I think ya’ll know what pizza is x) (usually with sheep cheese and corn :’D)

VII. have you met someone on tumblr? If u did, tag him/her here!

What do you mean with this question? Like in real life? No...but I found some friends! @queenofkadaara, @dandelionandbuttercup, @ilonavic, @lithialetheia, @vaporeox, @vattgherncirilla, @ferelden-doglord, @whitenerine, @cirillach, @holy-squirrel-of-death, @akhuna

VIII. which season is your favorite?

WINTER

IX. who’s your spirit animal?

Regis sideburns a bear I guess x) atleast my friend says so

X. how many books have you read? what’s your favorite?

Ugh..many..idk..my favourite one is Baptism of Fire tho :D

XI. what do you think of me? Tell meh tha truth!

I really like you! You are funny and very beautiful! Aaaaand you are polish x) sorry...I’m not ver good at these things..

@holy-squirrel-of-death‘s questions (thank youuuuu Aleks! ;D): 1. Who’s your favourite celebrity and why? I don’t really have a favourite celebrity..Andrzej Sapkowski? Cause he is funny?? x)

2. What’s your favourite song lyrics (either whole song or just a few lines) and why?

ok..it’s Polish sooo it could be bad xD:

Przeraża mnie ta chwila, która jej wolność skradła

It just speaks to me ok.. :’)

3. Which dead fictional character would you bring back to life?

MILLLVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4. What’s your favourite weather?

Rain and thunder and lightnings..perfect.

5. What do you think happens after death?

Idk..nothing I guess..tho I think we will go to a etter place..wherever it is

6. Which planet do you like most?

Neptun is so pretty :3

7. What have you dreamt about lately?

Just meeting @ilonavic xD

8. What’s your favourite topic to talk about?

WITCHER

9. What do you do when you’re sad?

Nothing xD cry and listen to sad songs xDDD

10. Which taste do you like best: sweet, salty, sour, bitter or spicy?

Spicy >:)

11. Do you have any words, that you use really often? 

Shit, Fuck, Kurwa XD

@ilonavic‘s questions (thaaaank you Vic!! ;3): i. What is your happiest and saddest memory? Idk what my happiest memory is..my saddest is being bullied tho xD ii. What/Who is your most precious possession or person in your life? @queenofkadaara :3333 iii. What character describes you the most? Milva..just Milva xD idk anyone else x) iv. Favourite time period? Why? WINTER! Every other season is just too hot for me xD v. Favourite meal? Pizza vi. What profession will you most likely work as? Psychologist or artist x) vii. Name your favourite song? Zozulja - Percival viii. What is your favourite season/weather? Winter, rain, thunder and lightnings ix. Why did you originally join Tumblr? I just wanted to check it out :D  x. What movie/game/book has made the most impact on you? The whole witcher series...it is just..omg..I LOVE IT WITH EVERY BIT OF MY HEART xi. What do you wish would disappear from the world? War and hate against each other

[ceceliapegasus]

@ ami wtf why r u such a liar tbh

friend, i do not know but i really meant it when i said i’d bottle my emotions but this weekend’s latest stress escapade may or may not have seriously given me an aneurysm lm@0

wnya sorry not sorry nobody actually reads this and to the one person i know that does read this, i am so sorry i do not deserve you as a friend because i am actually a terrible person as you will see ahead, but i love and appreciate you and any future friendship you may give me, thank you for always being there

ahem ahem

TO START OFF: IT IS DAY FOUR OF MY LEFT TEMPORAL HEADACHE IT IS MOST LIKELY CAUSED BY THE BUILDING STRESS OF THIS WEEKEND WHICH INCLUDED 2 MAJOR TESTS, WHICH I WAS /NOT/ ADEQUATELY ABLE TO STUDY FOR PLUS THE EMOTIONAL LABILITY OF MY OWN STUPIDITY WORRYING ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE ABSOLUTELY /NOT/ MY BUSINESS AND TO WHICH I HAVE /NO/ REASON TO BE “ UPSET “ OVER IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE GETTING WORSE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TRIED GOOGLING IT AND AM NOW IN THE “ DO I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR OR A RIDICULOUSLY OVERDUE AND WEEKLONG MIGRAINE / TENSION HEADACHE “ ? ? ?

anyway this long diary.txt dump , i am hoping will alleviate the headache itself, by coming clean with my “ emotional baggage “ weh ami, weh

uh, just to document my progress ?

i take nightly flexeril ( 10 mg ) and motrin ( 600 mg ) and have been for the past week ( ? ) - ish and this is unchanged

i took one 500 mg tylenol 3 days ago, no relief to headache

2 days ago, took 1000 mg of tylenol for the headache, no improvement

yesterday, took a total of 2000 mg tylenol, 100 in the morning and 1000 with my nightly flexeril and motrin after dinner, no improvement

today around 1330, took an aleve ( 220 mg ), nothing

about an hour ago, at like, 2130 ? i took an aspirin ( 81 mg ) just to test if im stroking out or smth from all the bad emo stuff im putting myself through but it has done nothing yet

which is both good ( i didnt have a stroke ? ) and bad ( my head still hurts )

im on the verge of tears, which is making my headache worse again honestly, but i cant help it and im just so lonely and unstable right now

but anyway, to the main ( ? ) point of this post i suppose

ive been stressing over something not within my capacity of control nor is it any of my business being upset over because it physically has nothing to do with me but i am inherently a jealous person and have been since all of my previous friendships ( ? ) have ended the same way and as i have repeatedly grinded in my oh-so personal-online-not-really-personal-and-actually-very-public diary right here, ive never liked who i was, i dont think i ever will, and no matter how much i want to change i do not think my emotions will, lol :3c

essentially, i suppose change makes me uncomfortable

i ,, , dont even want to get into this because its ridiculously obvious when i say it out loud but im so uncomfortable with the fact that someone i know and felt so close to did not disclose their personal affairs to me, which is, fucking, absolutely, NONE OF MY !! GODDAMN BUSINESS !! SO WHY AM I ?? SO NOSY !?

but due to this fact, having been left in the dark to let my brain think whatever bad thoughts it wants, i have become uncomfortable with the people they hang out with the most due to the ... sexual openness the friend displays ( ? ) towards my said friend when said friend never ... mentioned anything ??? about them or this aspect even tho said friend is low key not open about their personal life at all... ( which isnt bad ) which is why i never spoke of this situation at all, up until a point where it became ( too late to ask and ) obvious and out in the open that, wow, ami you big buffoon, this was consensual the whole time probably and is now public, congrats you disgusting shitstain for thinking otherwise and, for being a terrible person because theyre cute together and appreciate each other very much

and to be perfectly honest im just acting like a kid who had their favorite toy taken / given away, and i demand to be treated as such a fool because i deserve nothing but pity in this situation

but uh, point in case tldr i just, had to unfollow a sweet person, whom i actually share a few interests with, i noticed, but nonetheless a nice person who has been nothing but sweet and civil to me, simply because we share a common friend and said mutual is happy while i marinate in envy hell b/c i feel like ive been kicked out of the bff spot ? ? ? ( SEE: X ) even tho im sure, in retrospect, i never owned the spot nor did it exist firstly

ANYWAY, thats as vague as i can GET without it being obvious but it still is obvious eskbjvldznsfbohdnljbs

if you finished this, feel free to CONFRONT ME cause i mean honestly i made a big deal out of this for nothing cause i felt bad and it snowballed and i still feel bad but for 30 extra reasons so im at that point, sorry

UHM, ANYWAY x2, i hope this somehow helps with the headache ? cause this is the only thing i can honestly think of that is legitimately causing it

and i put my gross ass out there so no ragrets i guess. ill blow my brains out tho if it doesnt improve b/c that just leads me more to believe i gave myself a tumor for /NOTHIN/

i just somehow came to the conclusion you were being extorted or something so here we are wwwwwwwwwww and now i guess im bitter cause i was wrong ? i DUNNO, sorry

ur also free to shoot me after reading this whole atrocious shebang :3c treat me like dirt step on m i dont deserve your friendship, in all seriousness, or the attention it took to get through this shady ass note soo lemme know !  ♡ if u wanna

SIGH DONE FINITE-O BAM