#ive been obsessed with this phrase im so sorry if you see me use it again with other characters

[akalegos]

hes so real..

[tasteleeknow]

hey jade! i recently became active on tumblr again and I saw that you've started a new job!!! congo!!! (also yaas the adhd meds woke a new version of me when I first started them lolll. never knew I could be so productive tbh)

i remember sometime ago you said that your basic outline for hello stranger was for like 10 chapters?? do you feel like that has changed over the progress of the fic? i wanna write some things for myself too but I'm terrible at planning :( do you feel like you have changed significant plot points or character traits instead of how you initially envisioned them??

im sorry but i just love the way you write and I'm soo curious abt the brainwork that goes behind it

(im sorry if the tone of this msg comes off as pushy. I'm on laptop and I'm feeling too lazy to copy/paste emojis because my laptop doesn't support them :(( )

hi! (the adhd meds have allowed me to accomplish things ive been putting off for actual years, its insane)

its def longer than 10 chapters at this point yeah. i'd say maybe 15 but again i dont know bc i end up adding scenes as i go, beyond my outline.

planning sucks and you dont need to do spend ages on it if you hate it (like me). i use a method where i brainstorm at the very start like super super vague basic outline of my idea and how it will progress as a story (start/status quo, external/internal obstacles or conflicts, dark moment, final conflict, closing). then i just say fuck it and see what happens as i go. it usually ends up completely different than the starting outline. i often edit the outline as it changes with each chapter.

THEN i draft without editing bc editing will keep you (me) stalled forever. just write the chapter/one shot without intending for anyone to read it at all. the first draft is just for your eyes. the sentences can be as ugly and as grammatically incorrect as you want.

like im serious, no editing. aim to not go back and edit at all just word vomit into google docs or whatever until ur brain is empty. pretend you cant move the cursor. you are using a typewriter (with a really fancy backspace feature that you get to use sometimes, so lucky and spoiled). NO REREADING AND OBSESSING OVER PHRASING AND VOCAB AND DIALOGUE AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE. attempting to perfect every part as i write it..... worst possible writing method.

then when ur empty and ur ideas are out of ur head... u can begin editing. which is my least favourite part of the entire process. read it over and over and stew and think abt how u could be better and then remember its just for fun and then stew some more and second guess everything and never write again (until u do).

that's my process.

thanks for asking, i love talking abt writing!!

(and it doesn't come off as pushy at all, ur all good!)

p.s i often just give up on editing and let it be bc i will stew forever (i'm a struggling perfectionist) so yeah editing can die

[proxythe]

WAIT WHAT DID THEY DO TO AKIHIKO IN RELOAD..... hes my fave and i was reading ur tags and now im scared 0_0 (spoilers are cool ive played the original im just curious)

p3 reload spoilers just in case

its so hard to explain bc i suck at words but a lot of reload rewrite kind of gives a lot of the characters basically 1 or 2 personality traits and it’s super annoying LMFAO

the characters are basically at their best when the game is just the story and lines that were taken from the original game 😭

anyways. idk if you’ve been unlucky enough to experience persona 4 arena ultimax but basically in that game aki is literally addicted to protein and constantly brings it up (it’s annoying as fuck) and they took that and put it into reload + if not protein, every other line is him talking about training and fighting and working out and being an overall meathead

i understand his character and i understand his obsession with getting stronger, but the way those lines are written i don’t think seem reflective of “i need to get stronger to protect everyone”, and instead seem like all that bounces around his brain is fighting and the gym if u know what i’m saying 😭😭😭

same goes for aigis and the constant repetitive “as they say” after every phrase she utters

+ aki and mitsurus friendship has been watered down to mitsuru basically babysitting akihiko where in the original you could actually tell they were friends who respected and liked each other. aki (and shinji) are like afraid of her and make it seem like she’ll hurt them if they speak out of line 😭 it’s so annoying

his new voice isn’t a huge deal for me (tho i still very much prefer his old one) but imo it doesnt help when it comes to the annoying tweaks they made to his personality

also his social event is ass im sorry if anyone liked it but it was really corny and i didn’t like it. if u want to see akihiko fight 11 gang members and win then i guess you’ll enjoy it. and let me not even go into detail about the scene where he talks about his dead sister and then right afterward he says “now where’s that protein powder”

tldr everything reload added to him pretty much sucks while everything taken from the original is fine ✌️

(my brother and i have been playing it and this might just be us but we’ve both agreed that it also kind of feels like he doesn’t really have a huge presence in the game, as in he doesn’t hit as hard as he did in the original)

[doomzday-zone]

It's like the thing with William Afton is that he kinda sees his kids as an. Extension of him. His pride and joy and when Davie died he was kinda like, well fuck me that was Thing Number 3 I cared about next to Thing 1 The Springbonnie Suit and Thing 2 The Springbonnie Suit again. Hell maybe his kids isn't even the top ten things he genuinely cares about but to an extent it hurt him in some way. Maybe a bruised ego idfk

I would believe that grief can lead you to doing Nutso things like starting to kill children because what if he killed Charlie out of jealousy, Henry has a kid, I don't. I fucking hate Micheal and David/Evan was the only one that mattered, even though he was being a bit of a helicopter parent to Davie anyways.

Killed Charlie, thought it was fun, does it again, found out some shit about Remnant/Agony and the idea that he could probably bring lil Davie back it was a one two combo for him to just go Insane. I say the thing about Evan/Davie because of the "I will put you back together again" line from FNAF 4

I mean there was also that part in the movie where Vanessa just has a picture of her dad in the suit and her holding Mike's lil bro bro's airplane so that was like. A sick twisted way of him keeping Garrett's toy like a hunting trophy and giving his daughter a "gift" because she's useful to him or something. Btw the Springbonnie suit matters above all else to him I think this is just canon

This man is a sick sick individual but he only really "cares" about his children when they're there to. Feed his big fat ego

That's kinda my take on how much he would remotely care about his kids

I'm sorry it's 2am and if I misconstrued something i wanted to share my own two cents on the topic of Will and his kids. And his murderyness.

Also i've been sending you a few things on anon so I'm just calling myself Ballpit anon as an indicator jdkwjdjw

first YEA def springbonnie is EXTREMELY important to William, people say springbonnie is an extension of him but its more like it literally just IS him. its the vessel in which he expresses himself, a second skin if you will. William afton and springbonnie r intrinsically tied to each other,,

second ermmmm yea im. im not interested in debating whether or not he does care about his kids or if hes capable of loving them r whatever etc etc. i think its obvious he does its just the WAY he does and how people want to protray that thats off and wrong to me. no matter what your opinion of him is you CANNOT put 'normal' principles and whatever onto him it just doesn't fucking work, he doesn't operate on Normal Citizen logic he operates on William Afton logic its just that shrimple to me.

i agree that he thinks of his kids as an extension of him, and most of his thing w even is an egotistical thing. idk how..... i feel about the charlie thing ............ just yet. ik in the books they made william an obsessive over henry and in that context it makes sense but as ive said before: i haven't read them. and i have yet to see where in the game text that he specifically has a weird thing with henry, at least in the same sense, yknow what i mean.

yea im not saying that like, grief cannot push you to do smth that drastic. like at all. im.just saying most people DONT. like as a guy whose unfortunately had quite a few child deaths in the family like, me or my relatives never became child murderers yknow ?!?! hsjshsbdb and besides that i just dont think it was that big of a motivation for william specifically, or else we wouldve gotten more of that part of him in the text ya know. like from what we know his grief, at least in the fandom typical sense isnt that relevant.

and the way its phrased in fnaf 4 too, i will put you back together. not i will heal you r smth, he sees people as objects, akin to machines. im just saying this doesn't SOUND like the average father sad that his human son died, this is like smth youd say to a toy that broke. in THIS CONTEXT, the way most ppl say he cares abt his kids is wrong to me. anyways

also the hating michael thing...... where exactly does this come from............ squints,,, i have onions i could share abt this but ill save it.

but anyways yea, this is basically what i was saying minus a couple of ur points. i think the evan thing is mostly a matter of ego than anything when looking at the games. i thumbs up 👍

[depresseddepot]

Okay im adding the rest of my glory liveblogging under the cut so i don't have to keep making more posts lol

God everyone in this show is so fucked up. Yeon jin kissing jae jun SECONDS after he strangled her and also jae jun showing up to father day (or whatever its called, idk i never had those) with do yeong RIGHT THERE AUGSHSJJAJA don't listen to them do yeong i would treat you and your money right

do yeong clearly getting pissed abt the way jae jun talks about dong eun IS SO HOT AND STUPID honey you are an old married man with a 1st grader, is now really the time to be getting jealous about your one sided emotional affair. but also its hot. (whats that phrase? hate to see you go but love to watch you walk away? idk i think this is improper usage) this is now the second "hot old sad married business man that was cheated on but also had his own emotional affair BEFORE he realized he was being cheated on" on my list of rotating men

god GOD WAIT the way all of her bullies are swearing "ill do anything you say. i swear ill follow you until you die" THE METAPHORS. THE METAPHORS OUGHGGHHG

DO YEONG PLAYING VERY LOUD CLASSICAL MUSIC IN HIS CAR SO THAT HIS DAUGHTER DOESN'T HERE HIM CONFRONT JAE JUN. HQGSJSJSJJSS ALL OF THE MEN IN THIS SHOW ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF FUCKED UP

soft spoken carefully dressed married businessmen aggressively confronting the people bothering their emotional affair-ees (GOD MY TYPE IS SO WEIRD AND UNOBTAINABLE AHGSHZJAKNAS)

nothing and i mean NOTHING will outweigh the fucking ECSTASY i felt watching park dong hoon beat threaten and beat the shit out of that loan shark in my mister. ive got goosebumps just THINKING ABT IT AAAAAAA

sorry my edible just kicked in

do yeong please. i am begging you. just one chance just ONE

man this show is fucked up. the way jae jun doesn't seem like a terrible awful person at first bc you don't see him physical abuse dong eun but then you watch his character reveal more and more how fucked up he really is and it just shows how men like that never really grow out of it unless they're fucking called out on it

Oh dong eun. honey i am holding you (a woman capable of murder) so gently in my hands. they're all fucked up but jae jun and yeon jin in particular and the way they look at you (the camera) hits a little too close to home

God it is so hard to type under the influence i get so stupidly dizzy

i wonder if do yeong is going to be angrier with dong eun for using him or his wife for lying and cheating? Bc every time I think he's clearly over dong eun he says something that makes me think he intends to defend her or something

noooooo old man stay loyal to your emotional affair 🤡

I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS IK SO EXCITED. YEO JEONG AND DO YEONG IN THE SAME ROOM. EVIL DOCTOR MEETS SAD LONELY BUSINESSMAN

"you need to get up close and personal so you feel it as you go in" i have been so horribly obsessed with love for so long that my taste in men has soured. what is it about these crazy dangerous MANIACS THAT HAS ME SO PUFFED UP. KÖNIG AND GHOST AND NOW YEO JEONG. god the barely contained unhinged violence in his eyes. also is his meeting w do yeong genuinely like an accident??

oh my god. oh my god. YEO JEONG HAS SEEN DONG EUNS ROOM WITH ALL THE PICTYRESWTAPED TO THE WALL AND HE WAS LIKE "yeah okay. secretly i like this and also sure lets have casual domestic hang outs while we talk about damning the people from your past"

THE MEETING WAS ORCHESTRATED. HE'S PLAYING HIS PART AS A PAWN SO EAGERLY "i was annoyed he was cooler than me" sorry. id like to be sandwiched inbetween you two and also dong eun

do yeong is so easily convinced when a pretty slightly dangerous woman looks threateningly in his eyes without wavering AT ALL

yeo jeong, uncomfortable at the sudden mention of illegal violet child abuse: so. uh. how frequently do you wash your sheets

HAGAJJSJABABA ALSO YEO JEONG after being prompted abt his murdery daydreams from a girl planning on being a murderer (i assume): um. can i persuade you to ask me something else?

Also dong eun the whole show is like " 👁👁 "

IM SORRY. THE MAN WHO MURDERED YEO JEONGS DAD WROTE HIM LETTERS DESCRIBING THE MURDER FOR LITERALLY THAT WHOLE TIME

"so your poor son went to hell after all, huh?"

WAIT DONG EUN IS TRIGGERED BY THE SOUND OF SIZZLING AND THAT SOUND RELAXES YEO JEONG. THE METAPHORSSSS

dong eun living literally across the street from yeon jin will also never not be funny

YEON JIN FINDING DONG EUNS ROOM WHILE THE HEAVY METAL PLAYS. YESSSSSS

OH LORD THE HEAVY METAL WHILE YEO JEONG WALKS THREATINGLY INTO A MORGUE. GOD HELP ME. THE GLOVES. also something about a doctor being in the hospital they work at in casual clothes. hot

yeo jeong i would die for you. and i think you would end up being the cause

DO YEONG IN DONG EUNS BEDROOM?????? Oh the parallels

IS THAT THE ENDING

THATS IT????????????????????????????? NO BABY I NEED MORE RIGHT NOW

part 2 coming march 2023. O have to stay alive until march 2023

NOOOOOO IT CAN'T BE OVER I WAS JUST GETTING SO FUCKING EXCITED

noooooo NOOOOO ugh. god damn it how am i supposed to know if do yeong is there to confront his wife or if he's there to protect her!!!!!! NOOO I NEED TO KNOW HOW MURDERY YEO JEONG IS

Edit literally 2 hours later: bro I CANNOT stop thinking about yeo jeong. I have a huge fucking problem. whats that post thats category 5 autism event or something bc i am going through it

I NEED MORE. I NEED MORE RIGHT NOW

something about yeo jeong drives me fucking crazy bro i cant stop thinking about the scene with him gently skimming his fingertips over his scalpels as they slowly get bigger and turn into knives of more and more lethality

The way he described stabbing someone to do yeong. good god these insane men are making ME INSANE TOO

god. christ. i can't handle it. hes so sweet looking but the way the actor immediately shifts into the dead eyed dangerous side of him was so masterfully done

oughghhhh i have to rewatch it RIGHT NOW OR ILL DIE I THINK

[yesimwriting]

sneak peak: matt murdock x ex-black widow! reader

a/n this fic has become sooo much longer than i originally thought it’d be, but i really want to put out something, so here’s my current favorite scene :)) (also im thinking about splitting it up into a mini series bc i’m doing so much lmao) if you want to be tagged in the full thing lmk :))

also writing matt murdock fics is about to become my new obsession bc i have so many ideas and i love his character and i really hope he comes off at least kind of accurate bc ive never written him before, so if this is bad im really sorry and im still getting used to him :))

also!! for this fic to make sense let’s all pretend that even with extensive research, someone wouldn’t know that natasha died when everyone came back from the blip :)) it’s part of the plot of the full fic 

Blood coats my fingers again. I wonder if something happens frequently enough if there’s still a point in using tenses. My hands were bloody; my hands will be bloody; my hands are bloody. If it’s promised to happen again, was I ever really free of its stain? 

The fighting is done. At least it is for now. Tonight was not particularly hard, in the physical sense. I’ve attacked people more prepared for someone of my skill level. I’ve attacked people with more dangerous weapons. I’ve been more violent, more brutal. But the people that lay near me, still breathing but broken, something about them sits with me incorrectly. They are a rib out of place in the chest. 

Wow. I’m not making any sense, not even to myself. I look at my hands again, the blood of my knuckles has combined itself with the blood of those I hurt. I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for them, but grief still burrows itself into me. 

These men were hurting girls. Children. The youngest that the masked men had tried to take was only 11. There was a time in which I was the frightened little girl, forced into a shipping crate with other frightened girls. Back then, all I had wanted was for it to be over. All I had wanted was for some kind of savior to break through the metal and fight off the monsters so that I could be anywhere else. 

Tonight I was that savior for those girls. I should feel better. I did something good. Natasha...she’d smile at me if she was here. She’d look at me and tell me that I did good. That should make me feel content, more focused, like there’s some kind of direction I know to move in. 

But it doesn’t. All I feel is her absence. I even feel the loss of Yelena, and I’m the one that told her to stay away. My fingers curl inwards, nails digging into the palms of my hands.

“That was efficient.” His voice is a reminder of why I can’t lose it here, on the abandoned side of the shipping docks.

Turning enough to look at him, I force myself to take a deep breath. A patient breath. There was something almost awkward about the way he said that. “You wanted my help.” I helped. I should feel better. “And I played by your rules. No one died.” The final word feels off. “I won’t apologize for my efficiency.” 

He’s still, watching me like he sees right through me. The part of me that clings to a life beyond bloody hands wants to shrink away. To vanish until it’s morning. With daylight comes the promise of normality. The day will let me shed this mission suit and replace it with the business casual wear of an intern of a law firm. I like that version of me better...she’s whole.

“No apologies necessary.” I blink, fighting the urge to turn even more. He’s closer than I realized. “I’m just curious.” 

Of course. That’s the problem with team ups or even just temporary mutual existence. The other person always wants to ask questions, and I can never offer them answers. I’m a former black widow assassin isn’t the kind of phrase that just rolls off the tongue. Especially not in front of him. 

The devil of Hell’s Kitchen, someone that everyone here knows to fear, and yet he doesn’t...he doesn’t kill. If he knew all the blood that stains me, if he knew about all the red in my ledger...

“And I’m just reminding you that my one stipulation to this was no questions.”

I knew this was a bad idea. Even when we just happen to run into each other he expresses too much interest in who I am. Why I can do the things I can do. I know that he feels like he’s protecting his neighborhood by making sure that I don’t have any ill tensions. The false sense of security is a good thing, it means that we can both co-exist in peace. But tonight I’m not in the mood to play coy and skirt around the words I won’t say, revealing just enough to appease him. I’m also not in the mood to draw a line in the sand and make him think I’m a threat. There’s no doubt in my mind that if need be, I could take him. He’d be a worthy opponent, but not an unbeatable one. But maybe I don’t want to beat him. Maybe I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe I just want to put my widow suit on the top shelf of my apartment’s closet and never look at it again. 

We should part ways. The bad guys have been taken care of. The girls have been freed, the way I could have been years ago. There’s no reason for both of us to still be here. There’s no reason fro him to be less than an arm’s length away. And yet, we both stay still. 

“You’re normally more open to friendly conversation.” The words snap me back to reality. I’ve been playing too close to a line I can’t cross. The last time I trusted someone, I learned to never do risk that again.

I force my hands to ease at my side. “We’re friends now?”

“I don’t take down human trafficking rings with just anyone.” He’s joking. He’s just trying to ease me into our normal dynamic. But the words still strike me in the heart. Memories of the day I got Natasha back and the day I stopped seeing Yelena as my protector wash through me, a torrid, unforgiving current. 

It’s been years now. Years of silence. I haven’t seen Nat since she told me what she was planning to do with the Avengers. I haven’t seen Yelena since she told me the truth of the day I became a true widow. The end of the red room was the first and last familial moment I got. “For the record, neither do I.” 

“And I’ve never taken anything down that fast.” He pauses, testing the waters. “If you were always around, I’d have time to pick up a hobby.”

He’s trying to appeal to my usual attitude. I have to give him something. It’s not his fault that the memories are hitting me more frequently than usual. And if I don’t seem at least somewhat stable, he’ll start thinking I’m planning something. He may start seeing me as some kind of threat. “Is the mysterious day job followed by nights of crime fighting not fulfilling enough?”

“The day job isn’t as interesting as you’re making it seem to be.” There’s an easiness to his words. He’s taking my attempt to act normal.

I shift on my heels, almost relaxing. “I wouldn’t know because you won’t tell me what it is.” 

“And you won’t tell me how you learned to...be so efficient.” He’s referencing the way I fight. I can’t blame him for pressing this issue so much. A random girl shows up in his city, his neighborhood, with brutal skills and strength that would better suit someone twice her size. Of course he feels the need to ask questions. 

I inhale, wondering what my next move is. I could remind him that the less we know about the other, the better. That I know not to ask questions as long as he does the same. But the thing is, I don’t want to. Maybe it’s because he’s faceless. Maybe it’s because when I wear this suit I don’t feel like I’m me anymore. Or maybe it’s because I’m tired of pretending my past is tearing into me more and more with each passing day. 

“Would you believe me if I told you it’s a family thing?” The honesty threatens to leave my throat raw. I’m treading on a dangerous line. “That I learned everything I know from my sisters?” 

He tilts his head slightly, exposing the side of his jaw--which is something I shouldn’t be as aware of as I am. “So an entire family of people like you? Fighting for the good?” 

I don’t have it in me to think about the wya he says that. The words are stomach twisting enough. Fighting for the good. Is that even a fair thing to say now? Natasha certainly started fighting for the good. I don’t know where Yelena is. And I--I’m just trying to make up for everything I’ve done, everything I’ve been forced to do. 

“What if we weren’t always doing that?” My throat burns, the way it often did when I would tell Natasha about the memories. When I would tell her about being a ghost in my own body. “Fighting for the good?”

I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth. Dropping my head, I prepare to step back. To disappear in the shadows in the way I’m used to. He starts to move. To his credit, he’s faster than a normal person, so he does manage to place a hand on my shoulder, but not before my fingers wrap around his wrist. It’s his move next. I’m tense, expecting some kind of attack. 

“I would say that you’re doing that now.” I watch him, he stays quiet. When nothing else is said...when nothing else is done, I find it in me to unclench my fingers and let my hand fall to my side. He still doesn’t move. “And that counts for something.” 

[sadisthetic]

I’m giving the designers objectively the right amount of credit. I’m a former lego employee :-)

doubt. even if you were, why are you taking personal offense to criticism to the show as a whole and are taking time out in your life to defend something under the mask of anonymity where you have absolutely no claim to your name? wheres your sense of professionalism? taking offense a silly small no name artist questioning a design element. in a caption of bloody fanart no less. and you say youre an ex lego employee! ex! so youre less relevant now. if youre not lying that is. you wont even say what your position was. lego employee is so vague.

anyways. because youre on anon all this claim does is make you sound like the "my uncle works at nintendo!" meme. im sorry to say that as an anon. you are nobody

by the way. by set design im speaking from an entertainment arts perspective. not the sets that kids buy in the store. im talking about sets that are Actually used in the show. this kind of design work.

http://www.cynthiahalley.com/ not ninjago related but this is MY definition of set design. aka. what im seeing in the show. not the simplified little toy models

anyways. looks like youre not done!

shakes out my hands. alright! you wanna play this kinda game? okay sure, ill play along! why not. i have time to procrastinate. you are rude by the way!

lets google that very phrase you gave here

mhm mhm! yup! that sure is the grate that jays prison was based on! but huh..... hm! im kinda curious about what the inside looks like. you know? the inside of the hold that jay is in that this is all about?

lets add a term to the search

huh! huh! interesting. that doesnt look like anything i saw in the show. hmmmm actually this doesnt give me enough sense about the architecture of the ship, so let do the same research that ive been doing for my own curiositys sake

cool..... pretty expansive actually. ehhhh i want a tour. this doesnt sate my curiosity enough. i wanna see what the grates underside looks like because im bored and obsessed with this lego show

i wont waste everyones time. an example is at about 11 minutes in

wow i learned a lot about ships. also i looked at diagrams. not that you ever had the thought to. hm. now how did the hold jay was in look like again

thats fucking stupid. in the few frames we are given of it of the different angles, its clearly just a fucking box. no depth leading to the curve of the hull, no visible door and likely no door whatsoever bc it would complicate things. a box that probably is in the shape of its opening. lets be real. this is a design that was easy and convenient for the cg modeler to make. ive done 3d work for a class. its hell. i dont blame them. but anyways. ppl who worked on this probably just saw the grates on the surface of the deck and was like oh we dont know what that looks like on the inside but its a perfect place to throw poor ole jay in! grab the trusty basic 3d cube. use difference to cut it out. add texture. and to be honest? yeah the story doesnt need an entire storage space to be built for realism sake. why would they do that for a cg lego show. lets get lazy about it, what do the kids know, whats important is that jays life sucks. the sparseness serves more of a purpose the bleak hopelessness of the pit jay has dug himself into

my point still stands. this is just a hole. it aint right. this is not how old ships were built. this cell was made for jays specifically for the sake of simplicity in both the production standpoint and story. its dumb but serviceable for a narrative purpose

but anyways so from this ive learned an important thing or two about you! you! dont know how to research! you! have only ever looked surface level. literally surface level, you saw these images of the deck and never even thought about whats underneath? the very thing ive been questioning? ive been talking about how its just a fucking cube this entire time. its just a hole. you given me more insight about ships so i thank you for that but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. youre very bad at convincing someone whos right

also you contradicted yourself. you said that "the concepts for the misfortune’s keep were done carefully" but then you go on to say that it "doesn’t require accurate research"? after telling ME, silly ole me who clearly has easily done more research than you, to do a bit research? hello? whats the truth? hm? what are you trying to prove now. doesnt need research because its "basic hollywood tropes" kay so whats been done here is nothing original because theyre copying whats already been done hundreds of times. great argument. dont get me wrong tho i love a good trope. especially when it involves things i enjoy. like jay having the most miserable time. heres the thing tho. what is being brought into question is not what HAPPENS to jay. its the fucking lazy set dressing. am i wrong to point out thats just a hole? its a hole. absolutely no deeper thought has gone into designing that. why are you so mad about it?

i do this for a hobby. criticizing ninjago is literally 75% of the fun for me. thinking soooo much about the shows i like and pointing out the bits that are wack is how i occupy my brain in my spare time. so what are you doing man. is defending ninjagos honor your hobby? get a better one. or at least more thought and consideration and media literacy. like im thinking about the show from a production standpoint as well as writing. this show has So many holes in it btw so theres MUCH to think about and mull over. a lot of stuff for me to play with. its nice in that sense. ninjago is a sandbox if anything. im sure im not alone in thinking this

thanks for the soapbox anon! youve overstayed your welcome! get out of my house! im just a guy with opinions as scathing as they are.

OH WAIT IF YOURE REALLY AN EX LEGO DESIGNER? WHY ARE SO MANY OF THE NINJAS GI'S LAPELS FOLDED RIGHT OVER LEFT? ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE THAT IN A LOT OF EAST ASIAN CULTURES, TRADITIONAL CLOTHING THAT FOLDED IS FOR DEAD PEOPLE. NINJAGO IS LOOSELY (SO VERY LOOSELY.) BASED ON JAPANESE CULTURE. SO CLEARLY VERY LITTLE RESEARCH GOES INTO DESIGNING THE LITTLE LEGO GUYS OUTFITS THEMSELVES!!!! WHOS THE WHITE GUY WHO DESIGNED THE MINIFIGURES. I HAVE PERSONAL BEEF WITH THEM.

but if youre a nobody. byebye. i dont think you can come back from this. im done here. this was fun. drops the mic

[littlx-songbxrd]

Ok I meant to answer you're question about what I thought of the show ages ago but I forgot.

I LOVED IT OMGGGG! I got so many kitty vibes from Wilhelm and Simon! The touching! The softness! It's those vibes exactly! I want that energy in TWP.

COMRADE SIMON!! We stan! That speech he made at the very beginning about the differences in attitudes towards "tax evasion" vs. "Welfare fraud." Legend behavior.

Sara!!!! My girl!!!!!! An autistic/adhd character PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS!!!! THIS IS SO HUGE!!! I would die for my problematic queen. I made an entire post on her but the gist is, I get where she's coming from and understand why she feels the way she feels but dear God girl make better choices and stay the hell away from August.

Speaking of.... I wanna run August over several times. Vroom vroom motherfucker. The fact that he

- filmed MINORS HAVING SEX AND TGE POSTED IT ONLINE

-kissed Sara behind Felice's back when they were still dating WITHOUT HER CONSENT BTW

- Wanted to blame Simon for the drugs because he knew it would be easy because Simon's family is lower class and doesnt have the same social standing as one of the "members of the society"

- Also it didn't escape my notice that the cult like faternety type group with all the rich, mainly white boys is called The Society. This shows commentary on class is vv interesting. Especially the little things like two girls just randomly advocating for THE DEATH PENALTY. The rich people audacity.

-Anyways back to August, when he tried to excuse his actions with Wilhelm and get all teary like no bitch you can't manipulate your way out of this one. And again with Sara! When he said "Wilhelm has everything" I wanted to scream! Like he's fucking closeted and clearly suffering from panic attacks and extreme anxiety you moron.

-Anyways!! I also think that Wilhem might be autistic because he just feels autistic. Like the vibes are there.

- The girl group is so sweet? And to have the popular girl be a Black girl who isn't "stereotypically attractive" with a more medium sized body and bad acne. As someone who has really bad skin I needed that. Felice is kinda awesome imo.

Let me see what else??

-Simon and his mom speaking Spanish consistently throughout the show. It sounded pretty natural to me? But I'm not a native speaker. (Or even fluent honestly lol.)

- Simon and Wilhelm are honestly so adorable and in love and it made my heart ache. (I am so touch starved I swear..)

-My only main beef is the outing plotline and the show using an outdated medical term for Sara, aspergers. It's literally just autism. Also it's kind of offensive because Hans Asperger was a n*zi who literally killed autistic children because they weren't useful to capitalism. SOOOO yeah.

As for the outing plotline, I feel like the cishets have like three plotlines that they use for queer stories. Outing/coming out, one of them dies, or one if them bullies the other until they both fall in love. It's tired.

But overall I really loved it.

HI SORRY I HADNT REPLIED

I wanted to correctly talk to you about this series so I logged in through my computer to make it easier for me :D

LOOK AT THIS POINT IVE RELATED THEM TO LITERALLY EVERY COMFORT SHIP I HAVE LIKE. I've compared this to kitty, I've compared this to Thomastair, I've compared this to my friends to ocs who she has obsessed me with (youd actually like them if you liked this tbh) IVE COMPARED ME TO MY OCS

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I JUST LOVE THEM

IF KITTY DOESNT HAVE THIS ENERGY IN TWP WHAT WAS THE POINT

what was the point cc??

S I M O N

OH GOD WHEN HE SAID THAT I WENT OMG YEAH

new favorite character

Great

SHES PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS?? Sorry I hadn't known! Haven't actually gotten to obsessively look at the cast I've been trying to get over the last episode BUT THATS SO COOL. SARA IS AMAZING AND I ADORE HER. I'll read your post after this! But of course STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM AUGUST GIRL PLEASE

Tbh I understood where she was coming from with everything with Simons image falling apart and her having to suffer when she had just started having friends , just after finding he had been lying to her. But love, AUGUST?

A U G U S T ???

WHO JUST FOUND OUT OUTED YOUR BROTHER

Also random and stealing this from @marzzinaa i totally hc Sara as a demi girl for some reason

Im kinda sad we didnt see her speak spanish as much we did simon :(

But oh well I LOVE HER AND YEAH STAY AWAY FROM AUGUST GOD

FAE WE RUN HIM OVER TOGETHER BROOM BROOM

You already said it all, I just agree

Ok I'll bring a machete you bring whatever you wish and we kill him sound good?

ALSO YEAH I TOTALLY NOTICED HOW THE ECONOMIC DINAMICS CAME INTO PLAY AND HOW IT BASICALLY LET YOU KNOW HOW THE PRIVILEGED ELITES COULD GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING

meanwhile they wanted to pass off to Simon who came from a lower class family the blame

Also I'd like to mention how that would also play into the stereotype latinos are all drug dealers

Which I love how they didnt make his dead beat alcoholic man the latino parent, when I first read the description I thought they might do that, but im so glad they didnt

I think it might have been a comentary idk i liked that they DIDNT make the poc parent the dead beat

THE FRIEND GROUP WAS SO COOL AND I LOVED ALL OF THEM AND YES FELICE WAS JUST <3

I love how they didnt make her stereotypically perfect AND YES MID SIZED REP WAS AMAZING TO SEE

Also im so glad you got to see that represented!!

So I am a native speaker and him talking to his mom MADE ME CRY

it was WONDERFUL I WANT MORE OF IT

pls most her phrases reminded me to my own mom

Autistic wilhelm you say?? omg tell me more (if you want)

Oh thats awful, well I'll just refer to Sara as autistic and hope the showrunners fix that next season because if they dont-

Yikes

Oh yeah, thats valid critisism. But in my opinion they actually wrote it pretty well so I wont really be complaining about an overall media problem with queer stories rn. If so I'll be here all day. But yeah its an overall problem but it wasnt done bad in my opinion so!

I'll shut up, for now

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT FEEL FREE TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT WITH ME PLS ITS MY OBSESSION NOW IM GONNA BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT ALL MONTH

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[mattelektras]

Hey what are your favourite + least fav x men characters and why im curious i love seeing ur thoughts (also, to make it easier hopefully???, i mean specifically X-Men you do not need to include like the 100+ teams connected to them like new mutants or Excalibur etc)

tbh these are just from. everywhere. a lot of my favs are xforce and sub teams. just mutants in general really

least favs

xavier. hes just a dick like. objectively. hes got no business mentoring young kids with the way he went about treating young scott and young jean. also mr i would never invade someone's thoughts without there permission. and then he DID

beast. just kinda boring like. we get it youre smart and patronizing and blue and furry, what else is there. kurt is the only blue man

havok. i dont like. hate him. i just think he should be made fun of more. mr all lives matter avengers stan. bully him more

deadpool because i hate that some people think he’s a mutant n it irritates me idk

brian braddock sorry betsy ur brother is dull as all fuck. he barely has anything to do w mutants as a whole and it’s like why do we even claim him as one when he ran around calling himself captain britain for so long like. cringe, sir braddock

favs:

storm. like objectively i think if anyone doesnt favour ororo in some kind of way then theyre insane. she has a lot of wonder woman isms in that a lot of people see her as this. ethereal above reproach goddess but shes ironically a very human character. like just the little facts that shes into botany and is claustrophobic etc. and the fact that everyone loves her is because shes a good person, not because she’s beautiful or powerful or perfect in anyway. like she’s loved because she’s earned it and she deserves it. she’s a good friend and a GREAT leader without needing to physically be in charge. shes very open and loving and loyal but is also someone u really only get one chance with?? she has a much smaller circle of incredibly close friends than people would think. idk i love that shes allowed to be both kind and flawed AND hugely powerful

domino. ive gone on about how i love neena a lot before so i wont bore u but she is. genuinely one of my favourite characters of all time from anywhere. she has a persona that she puts up but there's so much in her backstory that no one would expect if theyd only read recent domino stuff. like she really shines in her solos more than anywhere else i cant stress that enough

magneto. if i had to like. objectively pick a best character ever i think it would be magneto. i think superhero comics are best when they SAY something. like not to be all We Live In a Society but if youre not making some kind of commentary on the real world with your good vs evil media concept then what are you doing. and we all know the mutant metaphor doesnt hold up like. ever. but its as close as it gets with magneto because his fictional mutanthood is linked w his real jewishness and its never like. a replacement or one or the other. and one fuels his activism in the other? idk im not sure how to phrase it but i think he embodies what being a MUTANT is about, in universe, not what being an xmen is about. hes so REGAL and smart and so powerful just in the way he carries himself, even when he was depowered. they simply do not make characters like magneto other than magneto. and YES the dilfery of it all

kwannon. i love where her story is going and how much attention theyre giving her since the body divorce. just that shes being allowed to be bitter and resentful of betsy about having years of her life stolen. her learning how to be her own self again and what's her own. also i like betsy just fine but my first intro to ~~~psylocke was the betsy/kwannon mash up and like. for ME. with what i like in characters??? pretty much all of what i liked was kwannon's. the assassin stuff, the sword stuff, her brutality and harder attitude. like u all know my taste in female characters and shes IT. and theres a lot of potential in exploring her backstory

wolverine. unfortunately. i love a little weasel man. He Is My Dad. i think he has such a rich variation of relationships with other people whether it be as a rivalry, romance, friendship, parent etc etc. this bitch contains multitudes!!! i think he as a character has so much bought to him by the other characters around him. likes YES he is a grmupy old man who probably hasnt showered today but hes a very loving person despite everything

angel. this might seem like a wild pick for me but. the concept of a rich pretty boy with seemingly everything going for him being turned into this monstrous apocalyptic razor bird with varying self control is SO GOOD TO ME IDK IDK. like hes very gentle and atypical for a male character in a lot of ways and i enjoy that a lot??? just the contrast of it all. i think there should be more horrific pretty boys

monet. forever obsessed wither attitude and her confidence even when so much of her story is wrapped up in people stealing her identity and the betrayal in that and being controlled by others physically w the penance stuff like. shes been through all of that and is STILL probably one of the most sure of themselves characters out there. her yes i AM the shit actually, better than you attitude, not afraid to be a bitch superiority. ladies i think we should all be more like monet as a rule. her powers just being that shes pretty much better than everyone at everything. also shes just funny as fuck

im allowed to say this because shes in x books on the regular now but selene. i think shes so fuckin cool and maybe this is the wannabe goth death witch from my teenage years possessing my body right now but i LOVE an insanely powerful woman. shes like 20000 years old, shes physically incapable of dying, shes the FIRST mutant and has a very rich backstory. shes a great villain but i think now shes more vaguely xmen aligned with the krakoa situation theres huge amounts of potential with her to be on heroic teams as the untrustworthy but begrudgingly helps out kind of addition. with everyone being like. remember that time you resurrected half of us as zombies and traumatised us all for life and she’s just like. god don’t you people ever move on

[ask-shakespearehigh]

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤��� YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

[bastardguy]

y e s hi so ive... thought about it a bit more and read more stuff. i dont think i have adhd xfSRZY i,, think. i dont remember how i was before childhood but my parents said i was fairly normal. so i probably just have anxiety and cope with my loniless using fantasies, as for my dwindling motivation i,, im not sure. there's honestly a bunch of other things im not sure if it's anxiety or notaAAA. i know i shouldn't self diagnose, i don't think i am anyways (imalreadydiagnosedwithanxietysopffft) but i dunno i just wanna, make sense of why im like this. like man, damn it hrgh. i probably just want to, mean something to someone, to him, but i don't know anymore im too tired to think about it...

oh yeah, today i was messing around in toyhouse when i checked my stats and, there's like a lil stat that shows how many people you've been authorised by,, it was at 0 so i, started breathing heavily and checked in settings oh boy he's unauthorised me. That's a whole lotta distance, it hurt, but i honestly can't blame him i, did something really stupid and impulsive the other day so of course he'd react like that, not want me to see personal stuff which is valid.

i gave off the impression that i was stalking him and one of his friends i was, insecure about as well juyyhv,, i took care trying not to let future me see his stuff man, i wasn't stalking his friend either, the most ive done is see his toyhouse's art page once and seen his insta account pop up on my explore page for some reason. i turned off notifications to his toyhouse account so that i wouldn't be reminded of him. but i gave off the impression of an obsessed dumbass anyways because i accidentally tapped the friends list on discord and got paranoid. i dug my own hole, and now im afraid he'll never talk to me again, he'll remain distant forever because i didn't give him space when he needed it. i couldn't control or calm myself down and made so many mistakes. i promised i would leave him alone until i got over him but i broke it. god, fuck. i wish i could say im sorry but it'll just be manuplitive at this point.

of course, he said hurtful things, he's said hurtful things before. he has his own reasons but it doenst make what he said ok, still just. its all.. so messy. why did it turn out this way.

why wasn't i enough.

i, don't know, it feels nice to release all this i guess but also i know no one will read it, which is a good thing! but also i want to share my thoughts with someone but im! too much, ill definitely exhaust them and i dont want to use people as a trash bin for all my problems.

,, i had a dream, on the night after i messaged him, funnily enough i,, don't remeber what we talked about fully haha. i had a dream that all of his friends, hated me because i made him miserable, honestly, after what i did a few days ago they definitely do. positivity is a great power but it just feels desprete at this point, i don't know.

a part of brain wants me to tell him how i feel, how ive been feeling ever since then. but i know that'll just be selfish of me, itll make him uncomfortable too as hes said.

... its funny i, actually thought he missed me so i sent him stuff because i thought it would make him happy, when it was obvious it didn't.

i wish i made him happy.

god, who gives a flying fuck about my feelings anyways, you reap what you sow. i put my trust and all of myself into someone and i got hurt big time. i kept bothering him and got hurt big time because of my own stupidity. mm.

at least i can, learn something from this haha.

at least someone loved me and thought i was cute for a while, even if it didn't last long. i have a feeling that'll be a trend. me getting way to comfortable with someone then they, leave because i end up becoming too much haha.

"nothing i do is about you. i know it sounds cold but im being honest" or, something like that, i don't want to go back to look at at the exact phrasing but god when did i every say or think "oh maybe that's about me" when looking at your stuff since then... , ive barely looked at it since. i dont - even fully know what you meant when you said that. were you trying to say i dont mean anything to you anymore? that you, haven't thought about me at all? i dont, know, but i suppose it doesn't really matter. i know ill be nothing in a few months.

i really shouldn't have ranted about this again

ffuck aAA

im a quarantine boyfriend 😔

h

im, gonna go sleep now, or at least tryto i really really want to actually go to school tomorrow

i feel like i need to rant somewhere for the, sake of my stinky health because i feel like my brain is about to implode but aight

i remember i used to just vent in haha funny drawings making fun of myself which? honestly worked very well. it kind of gave me a high and aw yea aw yea. the real serotonin came after drawing my ocs who quite literally were my fixation hahahaha you don't understand i drew,,, nothing but these two dumbfucks. I would imagine entire episodes with my characters but just,, like ok, one thing i would do-yknow gintama right? i took a mixture of mcytscoughcough and ocs and just, replaced the cast with t h e m and would play like, an entire video of "Okita sougo funny moments 2017" uUTCHV with my headphones in,, running around the house imagining the entire video with the audio playing. It quite, very honestly embarrassed me how much i enjoyed it, I would literally memorise hours worth of videos just for the purpose of doing this and getting serotonin in my veins, running myself into a bed. I would do it when i walked home from school,,in my free time, in the car hell i, still do it,but moreso they're just animation memes or smth i imagined myself animating. But yes before Gintama it was Fairy tail but with Sonic/ pokemon characters. Then just shhsnsj wow i spent, so much of my time back then in my own head surrounded by my interests.

ive uh sort of realised now typing that out it sounds like I was stimulating myself. or it was probably escapism to cope because hahaha I had nothing else to do i had no friends sjsuh but yea i,, once i got someone who i found comfortable talkin to i think i, fixated on them?

honestly ii, think i did, because i quite literally hadn't had someone to talk to in years. i unfortunately didn't listen to my brain when it told me i shouldn't get too attached. and now i can't function without distracting myself.

i always felt, manuplitive when i shared my inner thoughts and problems, especially when i wrote my comic. when people stopped commenting i, felt like i was being guilt trippy so i just, stopped.

That's always the problem isn't it? im too negative, i overshare, i think that's how i keep driving people off, like i drove him off. I've realised my mistakes now but like before i regret the past, i really should've just kept mu fucking mouth shut. no one actually cares enough or,, is obliged to care about you to hear you talk about how sad you were for no reason at times. they'd want to, but i think im too much, i exhaust people but now i know to just keep stuff to myself.

or just,, rant about them in a miniscule tumblr blog lmaoo. Like, i have so many thoughts i wanna spew out but also they're all just bouncing around violently in my head i cant, put them together in a way that makes complete sense. i just want to scream them all out somewhere.

a ight, so i, think i? might have adhd/add? i dont know, ive done a bunch of research on it and, one moment im having a crisis because of how much im relating to the symptoms then the next im,, in doubt because i cant remember a time where i had that specific problem.

for example uhm, missing deadlines and procrastinating and stuff, i think i used to, actually be pretty on top of my work. id do it the moment i got home, a lot of it!! would be kind of easy!!! but after transition year it just,, got so mentally exhausting getting home to do that stuff that, all i wanted to do was stare at YouTube and eat the lunch i didnt eat. like, i feel like its me getting used to having almost n o work in transition year and this becoming lazy because my workflow dropped completely. it probably is that and i was just not used to the work. but also that was, kind of the time i started to realise how lonely ive been feeling and how my fantasy world was just a way for me to fill up my absolute void of a personality and started to get less and less motivated to do stuff... now that i think about it that was already happening in late transition year. id purposely miss school n stuff because i just didn't want to go deal with people. i dont know, is it laziness or just, my mental health dropping? i dont know.

i wrote a comic back then and the validation and, mutuals i got from it made me... so happy, i didnt feel lonely logging into smackjeeves and seeing people comment on my stuff. i considered them friends back then, i still kind of do now, but i don't know if they did the same for me.

when smackjeeves shut down and my mutuals slowly drifted away from me, i just, started to feel lonely again. id post stuff and do the fantasising thing, but then there would be times where i remember having friends in primary school and cry. i missed having friends, i missed hanging out with people. it's stupid really, i wanted and still want to make friends but also just,, engaging in group conversations all the time was exhausting. it still is now as i stare at discord servers on my phone. its the anxiety of saying the right, funny things to get people to like you that's exhausting, it's the stress of hopping into conversations that's tiring. why didn't i just keep trying and stay active in servers so that i could have friends? why didn't i just, pick up some balls and just do it? i know i need to put in effort if i want good things, but most of the time im just so tired and uninterested in most conversations that i just avoid them. it's so frustrating, wanting friends but also my brain not wanting to talk to people and self isolate. im glad im at least self aware of what i need to do, but hhhhh.

it's always, easier to start conversations then continuing them,,, if its something im not interested or entertained by i just don't know what to say. actually, even if it is something i like i struggle to talk about it. like, i lo v e fe3hs character arcs but also how tf?? do i use words??? and who would want to hear me rant about dimitris milky badonkers?? i would much rather like,, listen to people and nod than talk, because my brain is just either complete static, three million thoughts or just fantasies and i hhhhhh.

but also i just,, enjoy it, when someone pays me attention or talks to me, or just w ants to talk to me. that's why i got attached to him so easily, i hadn't had that much fun talking to someone in ages and while that..probably faded because we spent too much time together, i cherish it. i stopped, fantasising a lot because in reality i actually had someone to talk to. it's weird haha, it gave me si much serotonin that someone actually, wanted to be friends despite knowing my flaws.

it made me so happy to know that someone loved me. it's too bad i,, fucked it all up by being so negative all the time.

i dont know, i wish he'd like talking to me again, i wish i was enjoyable to talk to. i wish i didn't get so attached to him.

i dont know if all this is, adhd or just me coping with being lonely honestly.

why did i get so lonely in the first place? i... was ok in primary school i think, i was shy, yeah but i could still interact with a lot of my classmates. oh yea then puberty hit and i clung to one person specifically and suddenly felt too awkward and shy ti to talk with anyone else duuhdh

it's, definitely me feeding into my anxiety at a young age nd believing that i was a bother that prevented me from making friends.

but also back then a,, portion of me just, didn't want to be friends with a lot of people, they were cool, yea but we had nothing in common. i unfortunately measured people by how fun they'd be in a friendship because being friends with too many people was exhausting. but also what was? the point kf being b friends with someone you didn't like being with,,, i don't know, i sound like a hypocrite.

iit sucks so much. i hate myself.

it's all my fault im alone.

should i be talking about this to a therapist? yes, but also its, easier to type then spe a k. and i really don't feel like spewing all this out again i cant even remember what i typed hhh.

aAA It sucks! it bs

#lows, i fucked myself over and its my fault. i know i have to be positively but, fuck.

anyways yes i keep suspecting i have adhd, but i kind of also thought i had bpd because i related to the symptoms if that as well but hHAHAHA that would be really funny but no if definitely would drive off people. i most likely just over though it.

its the same with adhd,, like i, one moment id go "oh that me" then see "ypu can't stop talking over other people" like,,, nah.

wait i do do that with my family.

H

aA

no wait i need to think more about this wait

i seriously don't know if im overthinking this or not anymore aAAA