#ive been meaning to draw this dog for years i have an old sketch i did maybe i should...

[ducktracy]

HUMOROUS CARTOON TRIVIA OF THE DAY: Porky's Tire Trouble introduces us to the most wonderfully named and designed cartoon dog, Flat Foot Flookey.

said wonderfully named and designed dog is named after the 1938 Slim & Slam hit "The Flat Foot Floogie". WELL. originally, the song was going to be called "The Flat Foot Floozie", but obviously the record company got cold feet at the word floozie and objected to. what they DIDN'T catch/object to is that the lyrics go "a flat foot [floozie] with a floy floy"--floy floy was slang for an STD. obviously the record company was not hip enough to know this. and i am just basking in the delight and knowledge that Porky named his dog after a song about prostitution. especially considering, while i usually adamantly object to the "Porky/Mickey Mouse" comparison, i have aptly seen this cartoon be described as "a Pluto cartoon on acid". the presumed wholesomeness of it all and then just the origins of the name. perfect

[blahblahwritings]

Contracts and Captains. - IV

A/N: Remember how I posted something before one of my other fics saying that I had been consistently updating for weeks? Neither do I lmao who was she? Don’t know her anyway heres the fourth chapter of this black sails fic.

Words: 1823. Honestly I’ve been writing this since about 12pm I don’t know how its so short and its probably shit bc I haven’t written anything in months.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit as per the last chapter. Think thats it lmao. See you in three months.

As your eyes opened, there were a blissful couple of seconds where the previous night’s encounter didn’t exist in your memory. But, just like the sun flooding the room, unwanted flashes of vomit and slurred words rose like a tidal wave in your minds eye. You rolled over, burying your face and groaning into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment as a dull throbbing started in the depths of your skull. 

Why did you keep drinking? You could’ve simply had one or two before retiring for the night and you wouldn’t have met that boatswain or thrown up on your own boots. What was his name again? Ben? Boyd? No, they weren’t quite right. Either way you made a mental note to apologise again whenever you next saw him. 

Slowly, you tugged your still clothed limbs from the thin sheets, trying not to jostle your stomach too much for fear of whatever was left in there making an unwelcome appearance. Your pants were scuffed from where you took a tumble outside the tavern, your shirt was half undone, probably from a failed attempt to undress before not-so-gracefully falling into bed. A single boot was thrown on the floor alongside your coat, the other still stuck on your foot. What a mess. 

A hot bath, that's what you needed, and a hearty breakfast if your insides don’t bring it back up. Pulling on the other boot, you made your way to one of the girls working downstairs, trading her coin to fill the tub in your room. You must’ve looked rough as you passed her to get to the man at the bar because when he turned to look at you, his brows shot up, disappearing behind his hair. 

“You look like you could use a little hair of the dog, love.” He chuckled, eyes scanning your disheveled form. A grimace was your immediate response. “Some food then.” He offered, filling a bowl with something that you didn’t stop to look at as you practically inhaled it. The man watched you with a knowing smirk and had you not felt so terrible you’d have spat out a snarky comment. You chose to gulp down your water instead.

“Thank you.” You huffed with a small nod, tossing some money on the counter before you headed back upstairs. The state you were in just added to this morning's growing list of regrets but you weren’t quite sure if you cared how you looked to anyone else right now. All that was on your mind was a piercing headache and a good soak.

Stripping off, you stepped into the water, sinking down slowly as your body got used to the heat. Finally, with a heavy sigh, you rested your head on the back of the tub, your aching muscles beginning to relax. Scented oils and soaps were left on a stand by the bath. Working a generous amount between your palms, you massaged your limbs and torso getting rid of any tension and purging the memories of last night’s… festivities. In the quiet of your room, you took a moment to trace the small scars that littered your form, fingers landing at last on the freshly healed knife wound from only a few weeks ago. The soft pink flesh was still tender, and if you moved the wrong way it would ache. It was dangerous to be alone on this island, in this line of work. You needed friends, not just contacts. A crew, perhaps. 

Letting your mind wander, you thought about your new found place among Flint’s men. You had to keep bringing in leads to be of any value to him, lest you risk being tossed aside and left in the dirt. He and his crew were among the most revered on the island, therefore cementing your part in that would bring security. It would ensure that other crews would leave you alone, as you were important to someone they feared and the consequences of harming you could be severe. 

Then again, there was a little more than security on your list of perks as you thought more about the taller man from last night. He was kind to you, not that the others weren’t having bought your drinks and all, but, he made sure you were safe and fed. Billy Bones. You recalled. Replaying the meeting in your head, you winced at the slurred introduction and the puking soon after. Why did you care about how he saw you? Was it because he was the crew’s boatswain or because he was handsome and softer than most pirates you’d met. 

Catching that last thought, you shook it from your head, refusing to let it take root in your brain. Attachments like that are a weakness here and you cannot afford to have those. You’d only met the guy once and he probably didn’t want anything to do with you anyway, especially after that drunken show you gave him. Cupping a handful of water, you splashed your face, scrubbing any further thoughts of the man from your head, instead, choosing to focus on finding a new lead for Flint. 

They would be leaving to chase down the details you gave him yesterday in a couple of days, if not sooner, which meant you probably had around two weeks to find something of substance upon their return. You’d struggled last time but after sending out letters to old friends in neighbouring ports, you were hopeful something would turn up. 

Padding your way to the dresser, you pulled out some fresh clothes and got ready, feeling much better than you did even an hour before. The food had settled your stomach and the water you guzzled seemed to bring some life back into your face as when you left to go hunt down some work, the barman from earlier spouted something along the lines of ‘A whole other woman’ when you walked by.

---

An uneventful morning led to an uneventful afternoon. There were no new letters or leads and the streets were pleasantly calm compared to usual. You certainly weren’t complaining, you had been feeling better since this morning but your body was still recovering. The easy day was probably just what you needed. You were sat on the beach, sipping some water and watching passersby as you sketched in the journal you kept.

It was something you’d taken to keeping since arriving in Nassau just over two years ago. A small leather book to help keep track of potential jobs and record anything interesting that happened. Really, though, you just loved to draw. You’d already filled a couple just like it with sketches of people, ships and landscapes that caught your eye, often accompanied by your messy scrawl. You were just about satisfied with your latest addition when Mr Gates clapped you on the shoulder making you jump and slam the journal closed. You’d never shown anyone the contents before. 

“Sorry, Miss Devereux, didn’t mean to startle you.” He began, chuckling lightly at your reaction. “I heard you and the lads had quite the night..” He moved to stand by you as you got to your feet, dusting the sand from your pants. Tucking away the book, an amused smirk finds its way to your face as you look at him. 

“Depends on who you ask.” You replied. “How were they this morning? Feeling sorry for themselves?” Your brows raised in question as you both started aimlessly wandering along the shore. A snort met your ears as his head fell forwards, looking at the ground then back at you. “I didn’t see the majority of them until at least noon and they were still in a sorry state, although I wonder how you must’ve been. I heard that you hurled your guts up right after meeting our boatswain.” Gates mused, eyes crinkling as he watched your entire face turn a lovely shade of red. You tried to keep your cool but your expression faltered into one of sheer embarrassment. Apparently, this was hilarious as Mr Gates exploded into a fit of hearty laughter, and as much as you told him to stop you couldn’t help but have a good chuckle yourself as you covered your face with a half-sandy palm at the thought.

When you both regain your composure, he gives you a reassuring pat on the back.

“Don’t worry, the only people who know are Billy and myself, the men still think you can hold your drink.” He winked. You made a move to argue that you could in fact hold your drink but he began talking about the plan to set sail the day after tomorrow. You listened intently and explained that you were awaiting correspondence from friends in other ports to supply more promising leads upon their return. 

---

It had been four days since the crew left in search of another haul using your most recent information. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, you’d made some money here and there through smaller jobs and pickpocketing but overall, there was nothing of real interest. You spent the days reading anything you could get your hands on or drawing and you’d even had your eye on some paints in one of the markets, but all you could do was wait. Checking for mail at the front desk of the inn you were staying at every morning had become a routine, desperate for any work or ships that you could relay to Flint. It was on the fifth day that you had gotten a response from someone in Port Royal.

As you read over the letter for the third time, you could feel your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart hammered in your chest and you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. This was far too good to be true. Surely this was a myth. A prize of this magnitude was simply unheard of. Your eyes scanned over the paper again, barely able to focus on the words because your hands were trembling so violently. Calm down. You told yourself. It can’t be the truth. You thought as you stared at the other envelope that had arrived alongside it. At the bottom of the letter it read:

“P.S

Should you doubt my information, I sent you the correspondence shared between the dead man and the merchant with evidence pertaining to this gold. Best not ask how it came into my possession.

Your dear friend,

Josiah.”

You ran to shut the windows to your room and close the drapes. If anyone found out you had this information and the evidence to go with it, you would surely be killed for it. Tearing open the paper, you unfolded its contents. It was all here. The initials of the merchant, R.P., details alluding to the existence of this gold and the name of the dead man involved in plotting the course it would be on. 

Vasquez.

[girlwiththegreenhat]

thoughts on ur favorite drink? ur favorite art program? thoughts on keeping a sketchbook? on any pets you have?

HELL yeah thanks for the ask i hope u like tangents on tangents and run on sentences because just like my blog description says, I Do Not Shut Up!

favorite type of drink: crystal pepsi

every fucking year i email the Bepsi company and ask when this god damn drink is coming back. last year? literally spent almost all of 2019 moving house, and i got no crystal pepsi anywhere in that time. now it’s 2020. there’s a plague. and the world is burning. and there’s still no fucking crystal pepsi. the moral of the story here is, as soon as pepsi brings back The Good Shit, everything can be nice again. i am .3 seconds away from breaking into pepsi HQ in the midst of this Rioting Chaos just to steal the Crystal Pepsi recipe from their fat stupid noses and start making it myself. I will market it as... Creestöl Bepsi.

oh wait im supposed to talk about the drink, right, shit’s good yo. you know how all clear sodas taste vaguely the same? they all taste like Clear Drink? this is like Clear Drink in it’s purest form. it is the Clearest Drink. with the most Clearest Drink taste. and thanks to it’s (formerly) limited annual runs at the end of summer it literally tastes like nostalgia. I have left the house like twice in the last three months but if they brought back crystal pepsi i would march out of my house like its on fire (wearing a mask of course) and buy every fucking bottle i could find, life savings be damned

so anyway yeah crystal pepsi’s good i guess

favorite art program: begrudgingly, photoshop

adobe may be a greedy bitch baby company who doesnt actually let you buy their software outright but damn,,, photoshop Nice,,, hehehehe,,, i can do so Much with it it’s such a multitool of a program,,, i just upgraded to the 2020 version in february and there’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many more brushes than there were in the 2014 version, and most of them are actually really useful!! i’m living for this guy’s brushes, uh, kyle?? yeah, kyle t. webster. now THAT guy knows how to make some brushes. i’ve been using the same ones for like six years but he’s got this GORGEOUS lineart brush i’ve been using and dear god i love it too much to ever go back. I Will Never Go Back. AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT LIKE, BLEND BRUSHES?? there are ones that perfectly emulate real pencils thanks to how photoshop handles brushes, it even wears out and widens with use (you can choose how fast...) and you can TILT your STYLUS to USE THE BROADER SIDE OF THE “LEAD”??? LIKE?? A REAL PENCIL???? still blows my mind,, photoshop’s brush engine is fucking amazing,,

Thoughts on keeping a sketchbook?

sketchbooks are great and i envy people who have those really nice, blank-page sketchbooks with the little rounded corners on each page? and they always fill them with studies and life drawings,,, its so Aesthetic,,,

meanwhile im adamant for some damn reason to do most of my drawings on lined paper still. not the serious ones, but if im doodling, or just doing a sketch i intend to finish in photoshop? composition notebook. i have Dozens of Actual sketchbooks, but those are so nice... i don’t want to fill them with stupid meme drawings and things i wont finish and things i draw Badly and things that i Will finish but not There. i’m glad im not going to college cuz i always hear “oh you have to submit your sketchbooks” im like haha What cuz my sketchbooks,,,, are probably some of the most unprofessional, badly organized, unfinished messes out there,,, like i do studies but it’s all on lined notebook paper and half-destroyed composition notebooks because at the end of 8th grade everyone was throwing out their unused or slightly used school supplies and there was a WHOLE RECYCLING BIN FULL OF COMPOSITION NOTEBOOKS?? MOST OF WHICH ONLY HAD THE FIRST LIKE 15 PAGES FILLED OUT IF THAT???? SO I JUST KINDA. RAIDED IT?? i havent bought lined paper in 8 years and all the school supplies i looted out of the garbage that day carried me all the way through high school. i bought maybe one notebook in highschool, that was it. i think i literally trash picked a lifetime of lined paper,,,

,,, anyway i have a Nice Sketchbook (no lined paper!) ive been toting around since sophomore year of high school. it’s still got printouts taped to it from supernatural and doctor who and black rock shooter. this was seven years ago, i still use it when i want to use Nice Paper, and only now am i approaching the last pages. i also have a separate sketchbook i decided to start using for concept art and sketches for my webcomic i will never actually start working on! that one’s about as professional as i get, it’s full of robot designs and sketches of scenes. its fun.

i am not a real artist aslkdfkljdfskjldsfkjl

Thoughts on any pets you have?

i love me pets! they are not my pets they are my parents pets but i take care of them more so who cares. i love them. i love all three doggos even if Gigi is an old lazy fart that doesn’t care about anything that isn’t sleeping, food, going outside, or bellyrubs. she doesn’t even listen to you if you call her or tell her to do something. i dont know what her deal is. and gemma!! is a depressed muppet. she’s probably just getting old herself even though she’s only,,, seven. we got a third dog and she never got over it. she is still my favorite though, she’s adorable and i love her little under bite and her big goofy eyes that don’t have a single thought or braincell behind them. she floofy and snuggley and a big ol scardey cat who always comes into my room for hours when there’s a Loud Sound outside which is great because i cant sleep when something else is alive in my room and its not me but whatever i cant say no to her, especially now that we’re both on the same floor and i would probably take a bullet for this funky lil fuzzball.

speaking of the third dog that is kiwi i post more pictures of her than anyone else for some reason but she’s a cute lil goblin. i mean what is this thing. what is it!! im not even entirely convinced its a dog, i think its a weird lil alien that knows what a dog looks like and that’s it

what is this thing!! dont know!! she’s plotting though!! i have never seen Thoughts happening in a dogs head before but she Knowes Things. she learned how to slap the other dogs. 80% of the time if you point a phone at her she stops moving because she somehow understands the concept of a “Camera.” she’s a little chaos bagel. a chaos bagel with a critical case of The Zoomies and a burning hatred of feet

we also have a budgie named olive. he’s pretty, but quiet

[tonystarkreactor]

Falling on Deaf Ears

Inspired by this post by @reioka (because jesus it resonated hard), but it’s a bit different. Hope you like it!

Summary: It wasn’t like Tony wasn’t used to it. He had years and years of experience in being ignored. Hell, he’d grown up with Howard and Maria Stark as his parents. He couldn’t even begin to count the number of times his six-year-old self had been dismissed from Howard’s presence, even when he’d been bouncing up and down with obvious excitement. And Maria-- well, Maria was always so busy. She’d give an absent ‘mm-hm’ every once in a while, but even those were rare compared to the complete apathy he usually got.

So this. He was used to this. And hey, at least he wasn’t getting hit this time around.

(Or five times Tony's ignored by his teammates, and one time someone finally listens.)

Link for AO3

I.

It wasn’t like Tony wasn’t used to it. He had years and years of experience in being ignored. Hell, he’d grown up with Howard and Maria Stark as his parents. He couldn’t even begin to count the number of times his six-year-old self had been dismissed from Howard’s presence, even when he’d been bouncing up and down with obvious excitement. And Maria-- well, Maria was always so busy. She’d give an absent ‘mm-hm’ every once in a while, but even those were rare compared to the complete apathy he usually got.

So this. He was used to this. And hey, at least he wasn’t getting hit this time around.

“--but it can’t be Kevlar because while it’s strong, it’s not light enough, and isn’t nearly as flexible as human skin, so then I was curious and I started researching, and then I thought it could be nano cellulose, because it’s completely organic and way more flexible, but actually, it’s so organic it would react with the water in his body and it would get all bloated, and considering John Smith did not, in fact, blow up into a balloon, it couldn’t have been that. So then, I kept researching, and--”

Tony faltered as Clint glanced away, distractedly looking at the TV. Tony tried to smile, before halfheartedly continuing, “--And-- and it actually could be graphene, because it’s only made up of locked carbon crystals and is almost totally nonreactive, and it’s so light you could--”

And now Clint isn’t even looking at him at all, not even trying to make it seem like he’s paying attention.

“You-- you could actually have a layer as big as a football field, and it would still way less than...”

He isn’t listening.

“... a gram,” Tony mumbled, his hands shaking around his mug of coffee. He shut his eyes and set it down, shaking his head.

It didn’t matter. Really, it didn’t.

Tony refused to let out a breath as he silently stood up and disappeared from the room.

II.

God knew Tony liked to ramble, and despite him trying to stop himself, he constantly caught himself going on for a half hour without even stopping.

“And then this guy-- I don’t even know who the fuck he was-- just came up to me and told me-- he didn’t ask, he told me-- to sign his middle finger. I don’t know why, like was he gonna get it tattooed or something? That’s still not as weird, though, as the time when a guy…”

He didn’t even know when he’d started, but when he looked up, no one was even in the room. He looked towards the couch Steve had basically taken over the last few months. (He liked to draw in here. And watch Tony work. Not listen, though, apparently.) There was an abandoned, half-finished sketch on the coffee table.. Tony had no idea when he’d left.

Tony closed his mouth, setting down the Allen wrench he’d been fiddling with. He remembered, back in college, hanging out with Ty.

“Jesus Christ, Tony, do you ever shut up?”

Tony clenched his jaw before picking up the wrench and going back to work.

III.

The power had gone out all across the city, including the coffee shop he and Nat liked to disappear to sometimes in the middle of the night for coffees that were more sugar than coffee. When Tony pulled out his phone to find the cause of the power outage, his findings made it easy for him to pass the time with some chatting. Or rather, ranting.

“God, this is ridiculous. God fucking dammit, Justin Hammer can suck my-- you know what, no, he can’t, because I deserve better than that. Justin Hammer can suck a duck’s dick-- except no, even a rabid corkscrew-dicked duck deserves better than that. Wait, can ducks even get rabies? Justin Hammer can get rabies. Fuck, Hammer probably does have rabies, that’d explain his complete idiocy, not to mention how much he spits when he talks, Jesus Christ, and just how the hell does he manage to make a virus that causes power to go out all across Manhattan? How did that man ever finish the seventh gra--”

“Shit.”

Tony looked up from the floor, only to see Natasha’s face illuminated by her phone. She was-- she was playing a game, something that revolved around colors. Something that was completely absorbing her attention.

Attention that was not, as he thought, on him..

“Uh, Nat?” he said, his coffee suddenly feeling cold.

“Hm?” she hummed, tapping her thumb against the screen furiously. She didn’t bother to look up.

“Uh. Were you listening?” he asked, his voice sounding stupidly hopeful.

“Justin Hammer, idiot, something about duck dicks, I got it,” she said, before huffing as she lost again. “Dammit.”

Tony nodded, his voice sounding small and subdued. “Right.”

IV.

“And-- oh! Oh, you probably haven’t gone to Coney Island yet, have you? It’s fun, as long as, y’know, you don’t do the hot dog eating contest right before you ride the Cyclone. But the Wonder Wheel’s always fun. I mean, I was terrified of it when I was little, but that’s because I was scared of heights. It wasn’t like it was unfounded, though, I mean, I did fall off the roof of the mansion once. Not like. All the way to the ground. Just to one of the lower dormers. I don’t remember what I was doing. I think I was looking at the stars. Or maybe I was trying to launch a rocket. Actually, I think I might have been trying to set off a weather balloon.

“Whatever, point is, my fear wasn’t unjustified. I’m not afraid anymore, though. Of heights, that is. I’m afraid of loads of other stuff, like clowns? Dolls? All that nonsense? Yeah, no. Never. I will never allow those in my presence. At least I’m not scared of chickens. Rhodey is. They freak him out. I don’t know. Personally, I think it stems from a project involving an egg he had to do in his high school home ec class, but I’m no professional.

“What was I saying? Oh, yeah, you’d love Coney Island. You could totally invite Jane up for a weekend, it’s a prime date loca… tion.”

Thor wasn’t even standing next to him anymore. He was at a churro stand twenty feet back, smiling cheerfully at the vendor as he bought a few.

Tony closed his mouth before silently walking back to join the thunder god.

When Thor completed his purchase, he took a bite of his fried pastry. He turned to Tony, smiling widely. “Anthony! These cinnamon treats are delightful!”

Tony forced a grin. “Uh-huh.”

V.

Sometimes he wasn’t even chattering nonsense. Sometimes, it was important.

“Plus, something about just getting it off my chest, and putting it out there in the atmosphere, instead of holding this in… I mean, this is what gets people sick, you know. Wow, I had no idea you were such a good listener. To be able to share all my intimate thoughts and my experiences with someone, it just cut the weight of it in half. You know, it’s like a snake swallowing its own tail. Everything comes full circle...”

There was a thud, and Tony faltered. “And-- and the fact that you’ve been able to help me process…” He looked over, and Bruce was rubbing his eyes. He-- he just-- oh. He’d been sleeping.

“You with me?” Tony said, after a moment of hesitation, hoping he’d been wrong.

“Sorry, I was, yeah. We were at, um…”

Tony resisted a sigh. “Are you actively napping?” he said, not bothering to hide his offense.

Bruce stammered. “I was… I… I drifted.”

Tony bit his lip so he wouldn’t do something stupid like scream. “Where did I lose you?”

Bruce hesitated for a second, at least having the decency to look guilty, before he said, “Elevator in Switzerland.”

Oh. Oh. Okay. “So you heard none of it.”

Bruce shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He reached towards Tony, but the genius shifted away ever so slightly. “I’m not that kind of doctor. I’m not a therapist; it’s not my training--”

Tony’s frustration bubbled over. “So?” That’s not why he called Bruce, he was just-- his doctor told him he needed to talk to people, and he thought maybe his friend would listen, but no-- no, of course not.

“I don’t have the…”

“What, the time?” Tony finished, staring at his friend, trying not to show the way his brain was shutting down.

“Temperament.”

Tony nodded, before beginning to ramble about something meaningless so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret.

Because this had been important. It had been.

It had, hadn’t it?

1.

“--and God, he’s hopeless. He tries his best and all, but Jesus, he’s a disaster. Half the coffee I’ve ingested over the last twenty years has contained some kind of grease or oil. He has his own cone of shame that has his name on it. Honestly, he’s ridiculous. One time, though, I found him with a flower crown on his head, and I honestly have no idea how he got it. Where could Dum-E have gotten a flower crown? I think he and JARVIS were messing with me. God, those two could team up and do some ridiculous--”

Jesus Christ, Tony, do you ever shut up?

Tony cut himself off, barely glancing towards his companions before dropping his gaze to his hands, his hands fiddling with a thread on his jeans.

They didn’t care, stop fucking rambling for once in your damn life, just--

“Stark?”

Tony startled, looking up at Gamora, who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, looking at him with raised eyebrows. Expectantly.

Wait. Everyone was looking at him expectantly. Drax had turned away from looking out the window to look at him, Groot was swinging from the ceiling patiently, Rocket was looking up from the gutted gun in front of him, and Peter was sitting across from him with a grin on his face. His beloved Walkman (which used to make Tony cringe, but had since gained his own adoration as soon as he learned of the sentiment attached to it) was even paused.

“Huh?” he said, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“You were saying?” she said, tilting her head forward.

Tony blinked. “What?”

“You were telling us of your children,” Drax said. “JARVIS and the dumb one liked to team up and prank you.”

“Well--” Tony stumbled, his eyes flickering between each of them before looking at his hands again. ‘--yeah, but you guys don’t want to hear about all that.”

“What the hell makes you think that?” Rocket snapped, making Tony startle and look up. “We were all listening!”

“I am Groot!” Groot added, kicking his little legs and nodding enthusiastically.

Tony blinked, before he glanced around at them. “I-- no, it’s fine. Seriously. I get carried away sometimes. I didn’t realize I’d been talking so much, it’s fine. You guys can just-- you can just get back to what you were doing.”

Across from him, Peter frowned. Tony caught the look he gave around the room, but he didn’t get what it meant until everyone was quietly making their way out, going to different parts of the ship. Rocket grumbled and Groot sighed in defeat, but besides that, there were no protests.

Once they were alone, Peter walked around the table separating them and sat next to Tony, taking the genius’s hands in his.

“What was that, Tony?” he asked, and Tony winced when he heard the quiet hint of sadness in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to prattle on and on. Just tell me to shut up whenever, okay?” he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

Peter huffed out an exasperated yet soft, “Aw, stardust,” before he gently pulled Tony from his own seat and into his lap. “You know I will never tell you to shut up, because I love hearing you talk. Your brain is awesome and your mouth is awesome, and I love everything that comes out of both.”

Tony huffed, ducking his head and hiding his face in Peter’s neck. “Peter…” he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“I’m serious,” Peter argued, pressing a kiss to Tony’s head. “You could literally talk about nothing at all for days on end, and I would never get tired.”

“That’s stupid,” Tony mumbled, his lips tickling Peter’s skin.

“Maybe, but it’s nowhere near as stupid as you thinking I don’t like it when you talk.” He ducked his chin so he could gently push Tony’s head up, and he gave him a raised eyebrow. “Would you like to tell me where exactly this worry came from?”

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes. “Pete…” he whined.

“Because if it was the Avengers--” He chuckled bitterly. “I’ve got another thing to add onto my list of stuff to shoot them about.”

“You mean talk to them about,” Tony corrected, raising his eyebrows.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay,” he said sarcastically. “If talk is a euphemism for shoot.”

“Peter.”

“Nuh-uh. If those assholes seriously made you think that people don’t care about what you’re saying, then they deserve to be shot. Everyone else agrees.”

“That’s because everyone else is gun-happy.”

“When it comes to the Avengers? Hell, yeah, we are.”

Tony rolled his eyes before dropping his head down again, allowing Peter to pepper his hair with kisses.

“Seriously, though,” Peter said. “I love it when you talk. I swear I do. Especially when you’re excited. You’re freakin’ gorgeous like that.”

“Peter,” Tony whined, even as Peter lifted his chin so he could kiss his neck.

“You are,” Peter sang, kissing up his neck and along his jaw. “You’re gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and gorgeous--”

“You said that already.”

“Stardust, you’re so gorgeous, it counts three times,” Peter mumbled into his cheek, before finally pulling away and smiling at him. “Maybe four. Maybe five.”

Tony rolled his eyes, smacking Peter’s shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Not as ridiculous as your eyes. Seriously, I could drown in those.” Ignoring Tony’s groan, he continued, “Really! There’s so pretty. I could literally stare at them all day. Like, your eyes, your lips, and your voice. That’s all I need for the rest of my life. I don’t ever need anything else. Not even food.”

Tony rolled his eyes, resting his head on Peter’s shoulder. “You’re so dumb,” he muttered fondly.

“I dunno, I must’ve done something right if I got you,” Peter said.

Tony lifted his head, giving Peter an unimpressed look.

Peter grinned, tightening his hold around Tony’s waist. “So, do you wanna keep telling me about your AIs’ and bots’ shenanigans?”

“I could,” Tony said, smiling dopily as he tipped his head forward to rest his forehead against Peter’s. “But I’d kind of rather be kissing you.”

Peter grinned. “See, I told you your mouth is awesome.”

[fab912]

I was tagged byyyyyy @blurryfaceimagines! To answer all these questions. Now see, I would have answered them all my phone...but I’m not crazy. So on my laptop it was lolol. Anyways

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Coke

2. Phone call: I think my friend RV on discord (I didn’t talk but darn it it was a call lol). If not that then my mom

3. Text message: My friend Kevin

4. Song you listened to: Die Anywhere Else from Night in the Woods

5. Time you cried: Last Tuesday I broke down

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Ive never even dated 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed anyone either 8. Been cheated on: Can’t be cheated on if I’ve never been involved in anything, eeeeey 9. Lost someone special: Yes/no? I mean it just hurt cause I knew em but I didn’t excessively know em. 10. Been depressed: …ya 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink lololol. I’m a pretty boring person

 LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Most blues, green, and a darker red (way to go me lol)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yus! And I’m super thankful for all ya ;w; 16. Fallen out of love: Nah 17. Laughed until you cried: I wanna say yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean…if it was at work then I usually hear cause I hear all. Usually it’s just them mentioning me or something. If someone was talking bad about me, I would be like “Ouch…what did you want me to really care further?” 19. Met someone who changed you: I would say so, I think it’s mostly been good tho. 20. Found out who your friends are: I guess?? Kinda? I dunno? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I am a kiss virgin lol Smooch smooch ;3;

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: The majority of em I’d say. 23. Do you have any pets: While they’re not mine because I don’t pay for anything of em…my family has a parakeet, some fishes, and a dog. I just have to feed em sometimes and care for em. 24. Do you want to change your name: Nah, I’m good with it. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I went to work. The exciting world of me working all the time, rip 26. What time did you wake up: Uh….12:43pm….listen I stayed up for late last night. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching hxh with bahare and the others 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Errrr….I dunno…the day all my loans are payed off? The day I get my own room/own space? The day I get a new computer so I can draw/animate? The day I feel motivated and don’t feel like a burden ;w; 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Yesterday night. She works today 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: That I could stop caring so much about what people think about me and that I could make myself happy. The need for validation. Whoops got too deep there lol 31. What are you listening right now: My meme song playlist on Spotify. So right now it’s Renai Circulation playing lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: We talking about Myspace Tom? Neighborhood friend Tom? …lol but yes I have, my 5th grade teacher was named Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The fact that I both wanna draw and not. Too many ideas and yet when I get in front of my paper…I feel I have to draw what I “owe”….whoops 34. Most visited Website: Probably youtube due to the fact it’s what I watch/listen to at work. Then it might be Tumblr (since discord isn’t a website ;w; )

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: Nope 36. Mark/s: Well I have beauty marks on my face, arms, legs, hands, foot? And I have some freckles on my nose. And a birthmark on my stomach. I also think I may have a birthmark on the back of my right leg? 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be something successful…president or doctor. Then it changed to voice actor, and then an animator. And look where I am now….none of those things lol. But I’m happy for my job, it’s in the art field! :3 38. Haircolor: Dark brown (part of the reason I just color my hair black in my drawings, it’s so much easier lol) 39. Long or short hair: Medium? Right now it’s a bit passed my shoulders, but I may get it cut to shoulder length ish soon. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I don’t know? Like I legit don’t know. I’m like Jumin Han…like I don’t know feelings of love or affection towards others that is not meant to be friendly lol 41. What do you like about yourself: I don’t really know? I like my kindness? I would like to think I’m kind/nice 42. Piercings: My ears 43. Bloodtype: I don’t actually know 44. Nickname: Well teeechnically ‘Jacky’ is a nickname lol. But I guess Fab is a nickname too. That’s about as far as that goes lol 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Virgo 47. Pronouns: She/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Aw jeez….Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Miraculous….uh…I’m sure there’s more but I’m suddenly drawing a blank 49. Tattoos: Nope! Although my mom has asked why I don’t get the Zelda triforce or Majora’s Mask. I wouldn’t cause I’m a wimp and kinda don’t want a mark, yknow? 50. Right or left hand: Right! 51. Surgery: See this is the weird thing…cause I think my mom mentioned I may have gotten a small surgery when I was suuuuper little? But I can’t remember the story? 52. Hair dyed in different color: Nope! Once a long time ago I wanted to die my hair a really dark blue. So my hair would shine blue all cool. But then I was like “nah I like my hair I guess” 53. Sport: AhahahaHAHAHAHAHA that would mean exercise. 55. Vacation: Yes plz. I mean…no yeah yes plz. I know it’s asking for a place but I would happy with a few days off of work even if I just stayed home 56. Pair of trainers: Am I that old that I don’t know that word? I can tell ya I only own like 3 pairs of shoes: my Nintendo hightops, a pair of black boots for colder weather, and some brown boot kinda things that are Converse (those are my 707 cosplay shoes, but I wear em sometimes with the pants I used for my Seven cosplay)

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: A peach 58. Drinking: Nothing actually 59. I’m about to: Probably force myself to draw or sketch some of these things gosh darn it 61. Waiting for: My sisters to get back from the store so we can make pasta cause I’m hungry 62. Want: A break (ok ok enough with the breaks and vacations from work lol). I dunno…food? To draw? To talk to people? All of the above!   63. Get married: I dunno. 64. Career: Well the job I have no is a career job I believe. Like I got a job in the industry right after I graduated. So I’m good being in this field tbh.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: I am veeeeeery awkward with physical contact. So whenever someone hugs me I just kind of freeze up. And kisses, meeeeeeeeeeh? 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes are the window to the soul in my case theyre as black as my soul I mean huh 67. Shorter or taller: Taller, but then again it’s not that hard to find someone taller than me lol 68. Older or younger: I kinda wanna say I prefer people who are closer to my age? As long as they are a bit mature or can be? And by closer to my age I mean like a few years difference in both directions. I feel if they’re closer to my age then we can kinda relate to each other’s problems a bit more 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t care? 71. Sensitive or loud: If they’re a good person I don’t think it should matter? 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I would prefer hesitant but I mean, I can’t control people. So they can be as they are. Like I said, if you’re a good and friendly person then that’s fine by me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: Noooo 75. Drank hard liquor: I don’t drink at all                                                                         76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I can’t say yeah or no. I usually just misplace em cause I don’t need to wear em. 77. Turned someone down: …yeah…in 2015 I was apparently a magnet? Or something? Cause 3 people told me they liked me in that year and one had asked me out. I turned em all down. They are all good people too but I just didn’t feel it. I felt bad for saying no to all of em, even tho it was super flattering 78. Sex on the first date: Dude, y’all would be lucky to even get a hug on the first date tbh 79. Broken someone’s heart: I mean going back to (77)…I don’t know if I did? I don’t know how much those people actually liked me? 80. Had your heart broken: No 81. Been arrested: Cops can’t catch me lololol 82. Cried when someone died: Yup 83. Fallen for a friend: I don’t know? I think it might infatuation? But I really don’t know? I’m seriously like the beginning of the Jumin Han route, like what are these feelings

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: magic? In a young girls heart lololol 84. Yourself: Sometimes 85. Miracles: Don’t see why not 86. Love at first sight: Eeeeh? 87. Santa Claus: The big red guy? Don’t think so people the easter bunny tho 88. Kiss on the first date: Listen, y’all can do what you want. I will give you a firm handshake or a pat on the shoulder/arm on the first date. If I like ya enough, you may even get a hug

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Aaaaaaaaah…I don’t think I have no? I have friends who are a bit higher on my list but I don’t think I have a best friend? 91. Eyecolor: Super dark brown/almost black like my soul 92. Favorite movie: See I don’t know. But I do love Yellow Submarine a lot!

---

As for who I’m tagging? These are a lot. So if any of my mutuals wanna do it so I can learn more about you? If not that’s cool too! ^^

[salty-dawg-entertainment]

My Story Of Survival My name is Park Major and I am a 46 year old Gulf War veteran. I was born in Knoxville, TN in 1972 and was raised by my parents alongside 2 sisters. Three days after my 10th birthday, my mother committed suicide after a long battle with depression, but that was only the beginning… I had an extremely abusive father as well. By the age of 13 I was already medicating with cannabis to treat my own depression and for this, I was condemned by my family and friends. At the age of 17, after a violent fight with my father, I left home and went on with life on my own. I finished high school, went to college for a while, and then joined the Navy in 1991, all on my own. I abstained from cannabis my entire Navy career. During my service during the Gulf War, we were exposed to many vaccines, toxins, and other chemicals my doctor believes greatly aggravated my illnesses. I received an honorable discharge in 1994 and took up a career in cross country truck driving. About 6 months after my discharge I started experiencing my first signs of medical problems. It started with intestinal problems, migraines, night sweats, and symptoms of PTSD. In 1999, I was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor. Shortly after that I had a lymphoma tumor removed from my neck the size of a golf ball. I progressively got sicker over the years while constantly monitoring my pituitary tumor, all the while refusing radiation. At that point I decided to start medicating with cannabis again. In 2008 I decided to seek my VA medical benefits and was quickly informed that I had to stop my cannabis use or fear losing all my benefits. So, I stopped using cannabis and went the traditional pharmaceutical route instead… I soon became too sick to work and was at risk of losing my license due to my risk of seizures. I stopped work and filed for my VA pension and was approved. By 2010, I was on 35 pills a day. One night, in my sleep. it happened… I had my first seizure. After many tests it was concluded that the VA had overdosed me on pills trying to treat all my conditions and the side affects that resulted from the pills meant to treat those conditions. It was then, in June 2013, when my world crumbled. I had been having chest pains and went to the hospital. My doctor diagnosed me with Marfan Syndrome, a genetic defect where your body doesn’t make the protein it needs for the connective tissue, heart, lungs, etc. What did this mean? My #1 risk was aortic dissection otherwise known as “sudden death”. I was told it was incurable. If caught at an early age it can possibly be treated, but that there wasn’t a lot they could do for me at my age. Best age for surgery is before 15 yrs old, I was 42. I was told that I may have a year to live; There was nothing they could do. My doctor told my he would keep me out of pain and to get my affairs in order. In November of that year I was diagnosed with a Thyroid tumor. I went home, contacted the Undergreen Railroad and Moving for Marijuana, got my house “in order” and moved to Colorado. I knew cannabis was my only hope. I had been reading a lot about cannabis oil and had done my research and truly believed that this would be my answer! On February 3rd 2014 I arrived in Colorado Springs, Colorado and I immediately began medicating with cannabis oil. In March, I found out that my thyroid tumor was still growing and I started having trouble speaking, so I increased my oil dosage. In June 2017 the VA decided to do surgery to reconstruct my chest that was deformed due to my Marfan Syndrome. My rib cage was formed back squeezing my heart between my sternum and my spine. I was told I would be in the hospital for up to two weeks and recovery could take up to a year. After four days in the hospital it was wanting to go home but was informed that I would not be possible until I was able to get off the epidural, IV pain medication and oral pain medications I was on in the hospital. I reached out to a friend and received cannabis oil that night in the hospital. After 24 hours, my pain was in control and I was discharged. I was on various pharmaceuticals for months while going through rigorous physical and occupational therapy to learn to walk, get dressed and basically take care of myself all on my own, but by using cannabis and cannabis oil I was able to wean myself off of all of them In less than a year, again. In February 2018, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma which turned out to be in stage 2. I decided to return home to my family and kids at that point due to not wanting to go through another surgery without those I loved near. Unfortunately, by making this decision I knew I would have to do without the cannabis that had been keeping me alive. Two months ago, on November 1st, 2018, I had my surgery to remove the tumor and part of my left kidney. This time though, I made the choice of not taking any pharmaceuticals at all. I obtained more oil to deal with my pain and to try to keep my cancer from returning and was out of the hospital in three days. I never got my pain medication prescriptions filled or any other medications and have since been pharmaceutical free, using nothing but cannabis, cannabis oil and other concentrates to control my pain and other ongoing issues. I still have a few tumors, including the thyroid tumor but the thyroid tumor no longer appears to be growing at this time. After numerous scans, my pituitary tumor is no longer visible also. I owe it all to cannabis oil. I refuse to give up and will continue my fight using cannabis and other natural holistic medicines. The VA refuses to treat the Marfan Syndrome, other than the chest surgery they performed, because they say there is no cure, but no studies have been done with cannabis –there is a possibility of a cure in my eyes. I am still in the process of ridding my body of the tumors, but there are certainly a few things I can testify to when it comes to cannabis: I’M STILL ALIVE (Long after the doctors said I would be!) I now have a better quality of life. I’m off all the prescription medications and have had more better days than not since starting this journey. Cannabis returned to me my love of art! I think that’s been the biggest difference cannabis has made in my life. From a very young age, I had a strong interest in art, but after the military I was no longer able to draw. I felt as if I had lost my talent which added to my depression. Once I got off all the prescription pills and started cannabis treatment, it happened that one day in May, I got the urge to draw – The first time in 20 years. What started out as a sketch turned out to be my first work of art in 20 yrs. I cried. It felt SO good to be able to draw again. My creativity was back. Cannabis, for me, has brought back a happiness to me no pill ever could. Although I still have my bad days, I try to educate myself and give back through volunteering and educating others and do all I can to share with others how cannabis has truly changed my life. I am now still living happily in Oklahoma with my service dog, "Dude". I am also beginning a new chapter in my life by venturing out with my skills and education I have learned over the years, and with the help of another veteran and friend, turning "Sophisticated Cannabis" into a full blown dispensary and grow facility geared toward helping veterans and reducing the number of veteran suicides. This has always been a dream of mine to give back and reach out to my fellow veterans to help give them the chance at life that I have had thanks to the help of many others. I want people to know that cannabis can save your life. I was diagnosed as terminally ill and sent home to get my affairs in order. Instead, I decided to try cannabis and now have a new lease on life.

[doodlewash]

As I write this, I marvel at all of the things that simply fell into place, beginning with losing my job as an urban developer almost three years ago in Brazil, just three months after my husband also lost his. Yes, unfortunately, my birth country has been facing a political and economic crisis and still has around 12 million unemployed.

My name is Mila Renault, and I am a joyful Brazilian ex-pat now living in New Zealand. We moved to a sprawled green city of not even 200,000 people in the middle of the Pacific ocean after living for 38 years in a metropolis of 21.5 million inhabitants in an almost continental country.

Circumstances were pushing us! Adventures and risk takers, me and my husband, were also concerned with the quality of life we were giving to our children in Sao Paulo. We decided to achieve our old dream of living abroad.

After a solo first trip, he got a job! While waiting for the Visa we only had a month for clearing down and renting our apartment, preparing all documents and saying goodbye to our dog, closest friends and parents. During, the process of giving away, packing or either choosing what to bring, I also had to decide what to do with my art supplies and folders of old drawings and paintings that had been hidden in my wardrobes. Along with that, in my deepest memories, I also found my childhood dream of being an artist.

I grew up in a family of amateur artists. I learned to love watercolour as I saw my grand auntie and grand uncle painting, there were the framed pieces on the wall and my first watercolours sets, books, and heritage. One of my great grandfathers who was a surveyor trained in France and even participated in those recognition expeditions throughout the Amazonian rain forest that had painters do the accurate visual records as at that time they didn’t have photographs. I, fortunately, got this piece as a heritage.

From 8 to 12 years old, I had art studio classes with an artist and teacher and, though I used to work with mixed media, my passion was already watercolour. I won the first art prize in a Children’s Contest with a painting about global warming.  After that, at 13, I was looking for the stronger backbones for my skills and by good chance, my parents offered me to attend two years on Classical Drawing in a Lyceum of Arts and Crafts and finally, one year on watercolour.

After entering University, I kept painting and even teaching watercolour. I thought I would always keep practicing. However, slowly, I had to give up to become an architect and urban designer, a wife and mother.

We arrived in New Zealand in April 2017 with a few suitcases, empty minds, and the desire to live a different lifestyle with more work/life balance. But, in the very beginning, I was still missing my old routine. Everything seemed so different, landscape, habits and even a brief talk was different. And, of course, English and Latin cultural influence set two completely different moods.

Eventually, I had already settled the house, the kids were at school and I said goodbye to my mother who came to help us. I had the choice to either continue mourning my old life at home or get out to explore the new. It was early May, my first autumn in an orange and yellow landscape! Changing the environment and having free time while the kids were at school was the perfect pretext for me to start over.

Nonetheless, the mindset was the main point. I had already given up everything and fortunately, I also got rid of the fear of failure! With a little box of coloured pencils and watercolour, a backpack, and my bike, I started to sketch and paint around town. That, was not an easy process.

Although I had those classical drawing backbones such as perspective, tones, colour and composition packed in some untouched drawer of my brain, my hands were rusty and my eyes untrained. With fierce determination and passion, I put myself in a routine of painting almost every day for two years now. In January 2018, I was at my first art fair and in April my first paintings were accepted in the Art Posts Gallery in Hamilton.

Supplies

I consider it essential to invest in professional grade watercolours. I have made the transition from Winsor & Newton Cotman student grade paints to M. Graham professional watercolours the end of 2017. My initial pallet was Prussian Blue, Ultramarine Blue, Indian Yellow, Quinacridone rose, Transparent Iron Oxide, Sepia and I have added something new that was having a dark neutral (Paynes Grey) and my first green, that now is essential which is the Azo Green. Lately, I have added Cobalt Teal that I use a lot for my seascapes.

I am going to do a workshop with Mr. Alvaro Castagnet in March so I have been making some experiments with his set of colours from Daniel Smith.

I can’t live without my round Silver Brush black velvet set and a stripper I also use some goat hake Japanese for my clear water washes and lately I have added Cat tongue that is a bit stiffer (so I use it for lifting details) and a large Casaneo flat brush both (for architectural washes) from Da Vinci.

My favourite paper is Artistico Fabriano cotton paper, 300gsm and cold press. For sketches and training purposes, I use either Canson Montval (cotton) Watercolour paper or Winsor & Newton sketchbook (cotton). Recently, I have bought a cheaper option of cotton paper that comes from China called Baohong paper that I’ve noticed to be very good, especially for plein air paintings because the wetness stays longer on the paper.

I often carry my supplies everywhere as you never know when you will capture a good story to feel and paint.

My Process

I force myself to draw daily, using exercises to exercise the right side of the brain. For instance, blind sketching or 30 or 60’’ observation drawings of passing people or even drawing what is showing on the TV very quickly and randomly. For drawing, I use common ballpen, 8B Jumbo pencil, or ink pen (UniPen) with coloured pencils using spare paper or either a Kraft sketchbook from Hahnemühle especially when I use the coloured pencils. I love to draw in my sketchbook or on loose cartridge paper too!

My watercolours have been improving during 2017 and 2018 throughout practice, challenges and workshops. First and foremost, I would say the 30×30 Direct Watercolor Challenge 2018 promoted by Marc Taro Holmes was an amazing and life changing experience and my confidence has rocketed.

Secondly, I have done an online workshop with Angela Fehr who is an amazing teacher and artistic coach. With her Watercolour Mastery Online Course, I gained the confidence to rework previous watercolours that I was afraid to try in new approaches and in different sizes.

Achievements

I am very glad that my painting Mana (2018, shown at the beginning of this post) has been selected to be in Fabriano In Watercolour in April 2019 with other outstanding artists from the Brazilian delegation. The painting is named after the Maori word Mana that, for me, means the power of my reconnection to my ancestral pathway with art and my own connection to nature.

Goals for 2019

I am working on some studies from my last trip to Sao Paulo and also some small and larger ones (56×38) inspired in my new home in New Zealand. This year, I want to improve my composition and atmosphere in larger paintings especially urban scenes that are more difficult and rich in details.

Nevertheless, certainly, I still have many brush miles to paint to establish my own style and I know I have to walk slowly and steadily to progress further. Fortunately, I have a stunning backyard to paint and still the memories of my joyful birthplace fresh in my memories.

I got lost and found myself again!

I invite you to travel to my discoveries.

Mila Renault Instagram Facebook Vida Collection

GUEST ARTIST: "Lost & Found" by Mila Renault - #doodlewash #WorldWatercolorGroup #watercolor #watercolour As I write this, I marvel at all of the things that simply fell into place, beginning with losing my job as an urban developer almost three years ago in Brazil, just three months after my husband also lost his.