#ive been looking at the tag and there's nothing since last year :(

[fritzllang]

hey is nobody doing terrortober prompts this year??

[hyewka]

choi yeonjun. | c.yj

PAIRING ▸ bsf!yeonjun x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ fluff, smut, a bit of angst

SYNOPSIS ▸ in which getting your male friend prettied up for a party goes weirdly left.

WARNINGS ▸ sub!jjun, femdom, grinding, protected, dacryphilia 

NOTES ▸ parenthesis around an event refers to the past!! anyway its been like, a hundred years since ive gone ghost but i promised to come back with a fic and here i am!! its a silly best friends fic lol nothing more to it but i always enjoy any semblance of feedback, it'll motivate me greatly <3 enjoy this meal hehe.

tags: @soobhns (hope you enjoy it babes ^^)

"THE HELL'S YEONJUN DOING?"

You swirl your cup, tilting your head as you watch the new topic of your conversation touch up his hair a little too much, running a hand through his unruly strands as his legs barely work to have him stand up straight when a girl approaches him.

Mark looks concerned as he adds in, “And who the fuck got him in those bunny ears? Is it easter or something, geez”

You snort, your drink sputtering out of your mouth, spraying some of it on Taehyun. “Oh my god, Y/N, gross!” he groans loudly, jumping back as if he’s been hit by a water balloon.

“Sorry,” you giggle, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, your eyes still glued to Yeonjun. He’s fumbling awkwardly, trying to maintain a conversation with a girl who’s very clearly interested if the finger trail down his bicep was anything to go by. The rooftop air is especially chilly today, and you wonder if Yeonjun’s goosebumps are any visible to her. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, completely out of his element.

“It’s probably some stupid hazing shit, he never backs down from those.” Hyejoon mutters, scrolling away on her phone.

“But bunny ears? For hazing that seems weak as shit.” Mark responds, seemingly as interested on the train wreck thats about to ensue as you are. Then suddenly, he turns to you, eyes still trained on Yeonjun and the pretty girl. “Dude you’re practically his twin sister—why’s he acting like that?”

You cringe internally at that, smacking Mark’s arm. “Ow! The fuck?” he hisses, rubbing his arm. Twin sister? Oh god, you do not like that one bit.

Not at all. “Shut up Mark.” He only grumbles as he backs away.

You would rather shower in spoiled milk than be referred to as Yeonjun’s sister in any capacity—and it has absolutely nothing to do with what happened a few hours ago.

...It does add on to the grossness of it all though.

—4 hours ago …[5:21 PM]

The moment you step into his flat, you dash down the narrow hallway and into his room, launching yourself onto the bed with a triumphant yell. The plush mattress bounces slightly under your weight giving you a fleeting second of bliss before Yeonjun bursts in, diving towards you. "Not with your outside clothes!" he whines, trying to wrestle you off. "You're contaminating my sacred space!" he adds with mock seriousness, his efforts both frantic and hilarious.

You stick out your tongue childishly, and it serves the job to tick him off. “Man, you’re such a pain,” he groans.

“What should I do anyway? Change into PJ’s I haven’t brought along? Besides!” you retort, struggling to pull your makeup bag out from your tote while Yeonjun’s weight presses down on you. With a triumphant grin, you finally free it and wave it in front of his face. “Where are we supposed to do this then?”

He snorts. “The couch, duh.”

The mere thought of that dark green monstrosity, old and beat-up, sends a shiver down your spine. The last time you sat on it, its worn fabric had felt like sandpaper against your skin, and the patches of stuffing poking through made it seem like you were sitting on a nest of lumpy scars. You couldn't even sit through twenty minutes of the movie with Yeonjun before you had decided to move to the floor.

Your upper lip curls in distaste. “No chance. You need to switch that thing out ASAP.”

Yeonjun shrugs nonchalantly, clearly not as repulsed as you are. “What’s wrong with it? I mean, yeah, it’s seen better days, but it has character.”

“Character? More like a biohazard waiting to happen,” you say, grimacing. “I’m not risking sitting on that thing again. Also, get off, you're killing me.”

Yeonjun lets out a long, resigned sigh, knowing that arguing any further would be a losing battle. "Fine," he mutters, shifting his weight off you. "But at least take your shoes off. You're genuinely a psychopath," he adds.

You relent, rolling off the bed and kicking off your shoes with exaggerated care, just to appease him. Yeonjun narrows his eyes, silently watching you with a playful glint in his gaze, his arms crossed over his chest. You can almost see the gears turning in his head as he observes your antics. "What?" you finally ask, catching him off guard.

He blinks, momentarily flustered, then quickly averts his eyes, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "Just counting down how many more years I have to deal with this," he says, gesturing vaguely at your exaggerated movements.

"Yeah, yeah," you say, waving your hand dismissively. "You know you love me."

"Keep telling yourself that," he replies, but his tone is light, the grumble fading away. You click your tongue, making sure to stick out a solid finger behind his back when he stands up to head to the bathroom. Prick.

But you can't keep up the act much longer when you look down at your outfit. It's not overly complicated but you still haven’t thanked him for helping you feel a lot more confident in it than you would've if he wasn't by your side ranting about silhouettes and all his other (not-so) stupid fashion advice.

With a sigh, you allow yourself to flop back onto his bed, your fingers sinking into the soft duvet. As you lay there, you take in the new decorations he's put up on his wall. He only recently moved here, and it's already looking a lot more like him than the last time you paid him a visit. The posters of his favorite bands, the quirky art pieces, and the sleek record player that sits atop a vintage-looking stand, surrounded by stacks of vinyl records—everything screams Yeonjun. Even the smell your brain finally registers as his signature scent subtly creeps up your nostrils; sandalwood, fresh linen and hints of citrus. It calms your nerves—like your body's trained to associate anything about Yeonjun with feeling safe.

You reach out for a familiar-looking photo strip on his desk, your finger stretching as far as it can until you manage to snatch it.

It's a sequence of three pictures of you and Yeonjun back in... high school? Freshman year considering you're sporting a terrible bowl cut that looks like it was done with a soup bowl and a pair of dull scissors. Yeonjun, on the other hand, smiles big with his braces, the metal gleaming under the photo booth's flash.

And just like that, you're suddenly reminded one thing; Yeonjun's always been there with you, for you.

("She's a total bitch anyway."

You gasp, hitting his arm. "What?!" he exclaims, affronted. "I'm starting to think you really enjoy abusing me."

"You just- you can't say that about women!" You try to sniff back the snot running down your nose, but it's futile.

He rolls his eyes. "She slept with Heeseung behind your back. Shes’ earned the title."

You shut your mouth and turn from him, not believing you're seriously trying to defend the ex-friend that had taken enough of a liking of your crush to sleep with him. It isn't the worst offense in the world but considering she's done it behind your back instead of telling you upfront...it leaves a bitter enough taste in your mouth to end the friendship altogether.

"I...really liked her, and I really liked him," you mutter, the admission feeling heavier than you'd expected. "Do you think I'm being childish? It's not like I was dating him or anything."

Yeonjun wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in as he taps his hand rhythmically against your arm.

The summer heat lingers in the air, the warmth from the sun-baked concrete seeping through your clothes. You can feel the rough texture of the sidewalk under your palms, gritty and familiar. "Nope. Feelings are valid."

A silence overtakes you both as you watch the fifth car drive by you. Distant chirping of crickets mingle with the occasional rustle of leaves in the slight breeze. The neighborhood is alive with the soft, ambient sounds of summer nights: a dog barking in the distance, the faint laughter of kids playing a few houses down, the low murmur of a television through an open window.

Suddenly, he tightens his arm around you, providing a comforting squeeze. You lean into him, finding comfort in his presence.

"You know I'd never do that to you, right?" he says softly, breaking the silence.

You look up at him, narrowing your eyes playfully, "Sleep with my male crush? I've always questioned, I don't know."

He gives you a betrayed look and you burst out laughing.)

It's weird how often you reminisce about the past...especially these past few months; sappy and overly sentimental shit that you try not to dwell on every time you hang out. Is this how old people feel?

There's always a time and place, it's just not when he farts into a pillow and practically Dutch ovens you with it. Now, that memory you'd rather attempt to forget as you close your eyes, throwing the photo strip back on his desk exhaustingly.

You don't notice that he's out until you feel water dripping onto your skin. Your eyes shoot open in horror, seeing his face inches from yours, freshly washed and hair slightly damp. He's leaning over you with a look of resignation mixed with amusement, a towel slung over his shoulder. "Enjoy your nap?" he asks, a mischievous grin spreading across his face before he shakes his head vigorously, sending a shower of water droplets from his hair onto your face.

You yelp and scramble up, swatting at the water droplets. "Yeonjun, seriously?" you sputter, wiping your face. "You're such a child!"

"That's ironic because you're even more of a child!" he rebuts with a pout, mimicking a petulant toddler. Talk about ironic. You narrow your eyes at him before exhaling sharply out of your nose, sitting up to make room for him on the bed.

He plops down beside you and it takes you a second to take your eyes off his face—freshly scrubbed and still slightly damp—before remembering why you're here in the first place. Makeup.

Right, makeup.

—3 hours and 12 minutes ago …[6:09 PM]

It was over seven months ago when you and Choi Yeonjun, slightly drunk off soju and beer, were giggling uncontrollably over the dumbest jokes in the dead of night with Beomgyu, his (now ex-) roommate, passed out on the floor. Turns out, shaky hands proved to be absolute dog shit when it came to drawing a straight line. You had silently panicked as you attempted to clean up the eyeliner that you've horrendously drawn on. You had really, really wanted him to like it.

Originally, it started off as a way to tease him, begging to apply eyeliner and some eyeshadow on his lids because you think he’d look gorgeous with them, to which his lips quirked up to, whining about how no man wants to be called ‘gorgeous’ and oh how emasculating it was. Plus, Yeonjun had an inkling your intentions were far less innocent than you let on.

When he finally surrendered around... the sixth time you bring the whole thing up, you admit that your idea of making him look like a clown and getting a good laugh out of his reaction moves itself out of your thoughts the moment he ushers you to scoot next to him and work your magic... whatever that meant.

But hey, it all worked itself out. Oddly enough, from that day on, you think putting makeup on Yeonjun quickly became one of your favorite pastimes beating your recent liking to duck herding (yes, it's a real thing you've spent way too much of your time investing in).

You like to think he enjoys it to some extent too, given the number of times he's let you practice on him, even if he would never admit it outright. But regardless of how relaxing you think it might be for him, he seems to go out of his way to make it as tedious as possible for you.

Every time you start working on his makeup, he fidgets and squirms like a restless child. He'll make funny faces just as you're about to apply eyeliner, or he'll suddenly sneeze, causing a puff of powder to explode into the air. Thankfully it doesn't last long, he either tires himself out or feels too bad to continue torturing your patience. Either way, you appreciate doing this for him a lot more when he's half asleep and relatively still.

Like now for example.

You're like, 99% sure he's dozed off. Considering he's spent the week cooped up in his apartment studying his ass off for two exams, it's not very surprising the all-nighters are catching up to him. Which is exactly why you're wondering the reason hes' chosen to go out to this party anyway.

His breathing is slow and steady, and his head lolls slightly to the side.

Just as you start to apply a touch of blush, his voice breaks the silence. "Don't make it look too obvious."

You’re caught off guard that he's in fact not asleep. "I won't."

"And no crazy blue tint."

You groan, pulling away from his face. Not this again. "C'mon, I only did that once and you've been holding it over my head for three months dude."

He cracks open one eye, peering at you with a mix of exhaustion and amusement. "You made me look like a smurf."

"It was artistic!" you splutter, not believing you're back to arguing about this again. "And you looked good!"

Suddenly, his mouth closes and he cocks his brow. Then his lips twitch into a suppressed smile.

He closes his eyes fully, trying to hide his amusement. "There's absolutely no way you just let that get into your head." you whisper, truly astonished at who you've chosen to be acquainted with for more than half of your life.

"Blah, blah, blah," he mutters, waving a hand dismissively before settling back into the pillow, a small smile playing on his lips. "I know I'm handsome, thank you for the reminder."

You open your mouth to retort, then close it…open it again…and close it once more, dumbfounded. Yeonjun's insufferable when it comes to anything that has to do with his face. His ego is practically impossible to pop.

But if you had to be completely honest with yourself, you don't blame him. You especially don't now as you try to ignore the fact that he's staring you down while you apply tint to his infuriatingly perfect shaped lips. You would never admit that one out loud.

Or the fact that you've thought about kissing Yeonjun a dozen times in the past. You seem to have some weird fixation on them. You would even go as far as to replace thought with imagine. Hell, you’ve been friends for ten years, it would’ve been odd if you hadn’t at least once...right?

It's normal.

("You're weird."

You snap your head around to him, frankly offended, "What?" Is there even a chance of enjoying a party with this nuisance by your side?

"Don't act dumb, you've been staring at my lips the entire night." Yeonjun tilts his head, puckering his lips, "Trying to kiss?"

You're horrified as you blink rapidly, your cheeks burning red, completely caught off guard. "N-no? How drunk are you?"

"That was a no with a question mark. We can try it out if you want." He shrugged, leaning in closer to you, of course with his lips annoyingly puckered and his eyes closed.

You're standing in the cramped kitchen of a typical frat house, the air thick with the smell of spilled beer and cheap cologne. The counters are cluttered with half-empty bottles, red solo cups, and discarded food wrappers.

Without thinking, you had grabbed the nearest drink and thrown it at him. The cold liquid had splashed across his chest, soaking his second favorite shirt. You know it's his second favorite because he's managed to pester you about it two years after this incident.)

You don’t necessarily like Yeonjun; hell no, you just absolutely appreciatively despise how well he's grown. He’s always looked cute—you distinctly remember the countless girls who handed you notes for him in elementary school or some who've befriended you in high school to try and get his number. You just never reckoned you’d be one of the girls checking him out.

As you finish applying the clear gloss to his lips, you can’t help but let your gaze linger. His eyes are closed and his lashes casting delicate shadows on his cheeks, and those lips— god damn it are they stupidly inviting.

You gulp down the irrational thoughts bubbling up, trying to focus on anything but the quickening of the beating in your chest. You’ve always been the one in control, the one who didn’t fall for his charms like everyone else. Is this a side effect of being under a dry spell for longer than a month? Being stuck in the unfavorable position of lusting over your long time best friend?

That must be it because when he flutters his eyes open, the world seems to pause. Just for a second, all that fills your thoughts is just how absolutely gorgeous he looks. It hurts.

“Done,” you whisper, your voice barely steady. "Went with the au naturelle look, per request."

“Thanks,” he replies softly, his smile warm and genuine. But then you're sitting there longer than you intend to and the silence stretches out longer than appropriate, and he snorts lightly. "What?"

You blink out of your daze, shaking your head, laughing airily. “Nothing." You clear your throat, awkward. "You just look... pretty.”

But then his reaction to that pulls you right back in your trance. For the first time, a cheeky reply doesn’t leave his lips. Instead, he’s silent and he looks…shy. That's new.

“Gorgeous,” you correct yourself, nodding. “You look pretty gorgeous.” Can you say that? You don't have a clue.

“Aren’t you just complimenting your makeup skills?” He teases, though it doesn’t nearly have the same effect as it usually does when his eyes are so doe-like, giving him a weirdly innocent look. 

You would never describe Yeonjun as a puppy, but if you had to before this, he'd be more like an annoying chihuahua. Right now, he's anything but. He looks innocent. Innocent and beautiful, like a hybrid mix of an angelic, golden retriever. "Besides, maybe not the ideal impression I want to make tonight. Does that whole pretty boy thing work with women? We're probably not that advanced into the world yet. Hey! You're a woman so you should know; do you think it's going to be a little threatening or—"

His rambling fades out by like, the first word— you think you might as well just be under a spell. Because once again, you find your gaze's zeroing in on his plump, pink lips.

Fuck... should you just go for it?

Your heart races, pounding in your ears, and every rational thought slowly slips away to go knows where, leaving behind only the burning desire to close the distance between you.

Just as you lean in, a phone dings, shattering the moment. Yeonjun’s eyes flicker towards the sound, subtly breaking the spell.

He pulls out his phone, glancing at the screen with a slight frown. “Taehyun said in the group chat that he’d pick us up.” He whispers. “Meaning I don’t have to drive or anything, yay.”

You smile in response, or try to as you try to gather your scattered thoughts.

“When’s he coming?”

“Uh, hold on. Let me ask.” You should move away, just a little further—you really, really should. Take your chance now and go to the bathroom to calm yourself down. It's the combination of Yeonjun being unfairly attractive, the fact that you haven't had sex in ages, and the proximity. If you eliminate one of those factors, you won't make the huge mistake you're so, so close to making.

But…you don’t want to. You don't want to ignore the burning desire of jumping his bones right this moment...for lack of better words.

“He hasn't even showered yet, Jesus christ.” Yeonjun snickers, looking down at his phone then back up at you. His squeaky laugh dies down pretty quickly when he notices you aren't sharing the humor, silently putting his phone face down on the bedside table. “What?” he says again. The shy expression’s back, his eyebrows tilt up and he looks like a damn kicked puppy…exactly your type.

Your eyes twitch and narrow with hesitation as you bite the inside of your cheeks; this feels wrong. You could stop it from going any further, keep your juvenile attraction from altering anything between you and Yeonjun. But when his tongue flicks out to wet his pink lips, you curse the gods for making the forbidden apple irresistibly tempting.

"Your teeth are pretty."

He furrows his brows, clearly taken aback. "That's an odd thing to—"

"I like it when you smile," you blurt out, your voice barely above a whisper.

"...Th...ank you?" He stammers, confusion mixed with curiosity in his eyes.

You take a deep breath, then out. "Yeonjun. Can I fuck you?"

He blinks. It’s silent as his eyes dart around like this is some elaborate prank, expecting a group of people to pop out with a camera in his face. You can see the visible gulp in his throat, his fingers hesitantly toying with the hem of your shorts, showing that he absolutely knew jack shit what to do with his hands. “Can you what?” He laughs nervously.

You've always imagined how it'd be like to kiss Choi Yeonjun.

And now that you’re experiencing it, all thoughts about this being a silly little thing you’ve entertained ever so rarely, hits the fan.

He feels against you like everything you imagined and more; the pillowy softness of his plump lips that feels so comfortable as they open slightly more each time it could lull you to sleep. His breathing that comes out in short gasps the harder you press yourself against him, having you dig your nails further into his face. His pitched whines drowned out by your feverish lips as you kiss him over and over again, feeling yourself get hooked by the minute.

You should stop. You should.

That’s what you plan to do when you finally pull away from the kiss, wipe your lips of any remnants of him, get off the bed and sprint the hell out of his house, then preferably find a way to blame it on female hormones or whatever. College guys never question that, do they?

But for the second time tonight, your mind draws blank and your eyes are stuck to his face, the slight smudge of the tint you applied and his heavy lidded eyes, his rising chest, the print of your nails showing up red on his cheeks…God, you’ve got absolutely no self control. “Um, do... that?” You breathe out.

You haven't entertained the idea that he might reject your advances, until now that is. And then what you've just done would probably be counted as assault. And it'd be too awkward to speak ever again and oh god, what the fuck have you done—

Your reverie's broken when Yeonjun suddenly leans in, capturing your lips in another kiss. His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you closer before he finally moves you to straddle his lap, the initial hesitation gone. The intensity of his response takes you by surprise, but you quickly melt into it, your body responding to him with an urgency that matches his own. The makeup kit gets knocked off the bed in your fervor, and neither of you care.

“Yeonjun. We—we won’t do this again right?” You ask, breathless, as you start to roll your hips slightly into him in an attempt of reliving that incessant need at your core.

“Yeah…yeah.” he sighs out, seemingly a goner when you increase even just a bit of friction.

“This is like, totally a one time thing that we’d just randomly bring up in a game of truth or dare as a fun anecdote and—and we’d be like those cool best friends with a cool little platonic relationship that’ve hooked up once. Totally normal.” you ramble, your resolve breaking as you grind against his rapidly growing boner. “Right?”

“Mm, totally.” he whines, his eyes heavy with lust. He looks completely consumed by the sensation he’s feeling and it fuels your desire for him tenfold. You kiss him again, your noses bumping against each other as you take his pretty lips in yours over and over again. You pull away slightly enough to catch your breath, a thin string of saliva connecting your lips, glistening in the dim light. Your faces are only inches apart, so close you can hear the gulp he takes, his breath warm and ragged against your skin.

"Whatever you say." he murmurs, his voice husky.

Oh. Oh.

This is totally unfair.

You brush your thumb gently across his bottom lip, savoring the way he shivers under your touch. "Whatever I say, huh?”

He nods slightly, “Yeah.”

You bite your lip before deciding to trail kisses down his jawline, your breath hot against his skin. You can feel his pulse quickening beneath your touch, the small gasp escaping his lips as you press a lingering kiss just below his ear is something you can only describe as maddening to your state. “You’re sensitive,” you note lightly before continuing your journey down his neck. 

You gulp when he decides on finally gripping your ass, taking a bit of control on your pace. He rolls his head back slightly, chuckling, “Fuck, gonna make me nut in my pants if you keep goin’ like that.”

You need to hear more of the whining, more of his cute noises and more of his pathetic display. You want to hear him beg.

“Hands off.”

Clarity washes over his eyes a little more as he falters, his hands lessening its grip, blinking perplexed. The innocent looks back almost immediately and it drives you insane. “Keep them above your head, you don’t get to touch me unless I tell you to.”

You don’t wait for a reply before immediately sinking down to nip at his neck again, soothing the spot with your tongue, and he gasps. Yeonjun whines like earlier and it’s so …primal. Actually you don’t even think he would’ve protested in the first place because he seems entirely fine like this, completely at your disposal as his moans start to pick up intensity way quicker than you anticipated. 

"Holy shit," he breathes, his voice barely a whisper. "You’re driving me crazy."

You smile against his skin, leaving one last kiss before pulling back to meet his eyes, which he visibly pouts at. You cup his cheeks. "I know. But don’t get too excited just yet.”

He lightly scoffs, “Way to stroke your ego.”

“Learned from the best.” you retort, your hands moving quickly to unbuckle his jeans.

His breath hitches as he watches you. “Are we really going... all the way?”

You pause, raising a brow, searching his eyes for any hesitation. “...Do you not want to?”

“Condoms in second drawer.”

—2 hours and 1 minute ago …[7:20 PM]

“P-please...please. Please. Move. Just a little." he hiccups the last plea, his tear stained face buried in your neck. "You're s-so fucking cruel," he says, his voice muffled.

"Sorry, I kinda like it when you're crying."

His breath shudders against your skin; you can feel his desperation, his need, and it sends a thrilling rush through you. You gently pull back, just enough to see his face, his eyes wet with unshed tears, his lips parted in a silent plea.

Slowly, deliberately, you let your hands trace the lines of his body, feeling the tension and desire coiled tightly beneath his skin. You press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, savoring the soft gasp that escapes him. "My jjunie's such a good boy," you drawl.

He trembles under your touch, his hands gripping you tighter, silently begging for more. You move your hips up slightly, just enough to elicit a strangled moan from him, the sound raw and needy.

"Do you like it when I make you cry?" you murmur against his ear, your voice a sultry whisper.

He nods frantically, unable to form words, his breath hot and ragged. The sight of him so vulnerable, so utterly at your mercy, ignites a fierce desire within you. You bite your lip, relishing the power you hold over him, the way his body responds to your every touch, every whisper.

"Are you usually like this?" you suddenly muster to ask, finding too much enjoyment playing with this poor boy.

He only whines as a response and you laugh, increasing your pace on his cock as you go up and down. "Y'know...so pliable."

Yeonjun bites back a sob of pain, feeling like he's going to die from the power he’s exerting to hold back. He grips onto the sheets, his fingers turning white from the strain. "Aw, look at you, poor baby. Am I going too slow?"

He nods again, more vigorously this time, drool seeping out the edge of his lips as his mouth hangs open, thinking you're going to spare him just a bit.

If you're going to do this once with him, you'd rather do anything but.

His face falls when you suddenly stop, his eyes blown wide, hair a disheveled mess; he looks absolutely debauched. This time more closely resembling a fallen angel. "Fuck me on your own if I'm so bad at this."

"I didn't- you're not bad at-" even when he tries to respond, he doesn't hesitate to try and switch positions, but you immediately put a stop to it, pressing him back down firmly. "No. I'll still be on top."

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, eyes wide. "Then... how?"

You shrug, a teasing smirk playing on your lips. "Figure it out."

You gasp when he starts massaging your breasts, not expecting the sudden touch. "You're the worst," he moans against your tit once he engulfs your nipple in his mouth, suckling rather roughly while simultaneously raising his hips off the bed, struggling to slam his cock in a fitting pace.

His bangs fall over his eyes, and his lips are swollenly red from how hard he's bitten them. You would label his determination adorable if it wasn't for the fact that you currently had him stretching your pussy out.

"Yeah— but probably the best fuck you've had in a while." you manage to grit out.

"You humor yourself."

You can't take him too seriously when his words are so slurred and barely coherent with how eager he is to bury himself between your tits and lather them with his spit.

"You're such a dog," you purr, "C'mon, don't give up on me doggy. I can tell you're just desperate to let it all out."

He groans, sucking harder as he starts up again, frantically fucking up into you. You can tell hes already a goner when his eyes start to roll to the back of his head, the moans of your name short and incessant.

"Don't get dumb on me already."

He whispers sorry's over and over again, nodding his head.

"Fuck--f-fuck, why're you doing this to me?” his breath hitches, whining like a baby. What you're completely unaware of as you get lost in your pleasure— the last thing Choi Yeonjun wants is to get out of this looking like a desperate bitch. Especially to you.

But he simply can't help it.

Hes' never been under these circumstance. Hes never sounded like this for any girl, hes never let himself get this vulnerable. And for it to be during sex? It's the closest thing to a nightmare.

But he can't dwell on those thoughts when you lean over to his ear, showering him with praises on how pretty he looks and oh how well he's doing. That he's just getting you so fucking close.

When you pull away again, the only thing that's on his mind is just how...pretty you look.

“B-bet you tell other guys that all the time,” his smirk twitches at that, getting himself worked up.

You tilt your head. “Calling them pretty?” you implore, rolling his nipples between your fingers just to elicit that perfect reaction from him; he gives you just as much, half gasping half moaning against his better will, “A few, yeah” you tease.

That doesn't seem to be the right thing to say because his face immediately falls and your intention of having light banter goes to the back burner as you slightly panic, feeling bad and kissing him in attempt of making it up to him non verbally. But that doesn't do the job because the moment you pull away, he's still frowning.

You sigh, rubbing your thumb on his cheek affectionately, "But you're the one I'm most honest about."

He doesn't hesitate to lean into the familiar touch, and you can't help but coo at how cute he's acting. "You mean that?"

You press your forehead to his, your breath mingling with his, and nod. "Mhm, the prettiest."

That does it.

Slowly, he starts to thrust upward, trying to match the rhythm he had previously set. You can feel his desperation, his need to please you, and it sends a thrill through your body.

"That's it," you purr, leaning down to whisper in his ear. "Show me how badly you want it baby."

He groans, the new angle allowing him to hit deeper inside you with each thrust. His hands find their way to your hips, guiding you to move with him. You can feel the tension in his body, every muscle working to bring you both closer to the edge. You purposefully clench around his swollen cock and he buries his head against you again. You let him as you thread through his hair.

"You feel so good, you smell so good, you—" he breathes, his voice trembling with the effort. "Please, let me—fuck, cum please—c-can't hold it any longer."

You press your lips to his neck, sucking lightly as you murmur, "Not yet, baby. I want to feel you beg for it."

His thrusts become more frantic under you, the sound of skin slapping against skin being proof, his breath coming out hot and ragged against your skin. "Please," he begs sweetly, his voice a desperate whisper. "I need it so bad. Please, let me cum. I'll do anything."

Your own desire reaches a fever pitch as you watch him unravel beneath you. "Anything?" you tease.

"Anything," he repeats, his eyes locking onto yours, filled with a mixture of desperation and adoration.

With a wicked smile, you finally relent, moving your hips in sync with his thrusts, the friction building to an unbearable intensity. "Cum for me," you command, your voice low and sultry. "Now."

His body tenses, a guttural moan escaping his lips as he finally lets go, the release hitting him with shuddering force. The sight of him coming undone beneath you pushes you over the edge, your own climax ripping through you, leaving you both breathless and trembling.

"Holy shit."

You chuckle, collapsing to his side, both of you now staring at the ceiling. But slowly, the realization starts to set in.

You just...had sex with Choi Yeonjun. Whatever bliss you were stuck in, dissipates as nut clarity takes over. You just fucked your best friend. And even worse, you dirty talked. Suddenly, you feel shame and embarrassment course through your bloodstream, making your cheeks burn and your stomach twist.

"D-did you... like, cum?"

You avoid eye contact, preferring the staring contest you're having with his stupid ceiling as you wrap your naked body with his sheets. "Yep."

An awkward silence hangs between you, the air thick with unspoken emotions. You can feel his eyes on you, searching for something, but you keep your gaze fixed on the ceiling, counting the imperfections in the paint.

"Splendid," he finally says, the word hanging in the air.

Splendid...splendid?

You burst out in a fit of giggles, unable to hold it back. The look of disbelief on your face is mirrored by the amusement in his eyes. "Splendid? Really?" you manage to say between giggles, your body shaking with laughter.

He blushes, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "What? I use big words when I'm nervous."

"Splendid's a big word to you?"

"Okay, low blow."

"Man, just pass me my clothes," you laugh, shifting to sit up on the bed. The blanket is draped over your chest, and you look at him expectantly as he fetches the ones that got on the floor.

He watches you, a slight smile playing on his lips, but confusion clouds your eyes. What's he expecting? "Turn around."

He looks even more puzzled as he says, "But we just had sex. Like penis in vagina sex. I saw it all."

"Yeah, and never again, Yeonjun," you retort, still giggling as you reach out for your clothes. "Just turn around."

He rolls his eyes but obliges. "Fine, fine. I’m turning around."

You quickly gather your clothes, slipping into them while keeping an eye on his back. "Damn, so that really was just a one-time thing."

"Mhm," you hum, then get off his bed fully dressed to go to his bathroom and at least make your hair look presentable. As you run a brush through your hair, you glance at your reflection, shaking your head at the state you're currently in.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun is still in bed, naked and absolutely spent, watching you as you step out of the bathroom, heading to his closet to fetch him some pants since ...there's a big wet spot on the ones he was going to wear to the party. As you rummage through the closet, something catches your eye, and you pull out a pair of familiar bunny ears.

Your bunny ears from high school.

You come out of the closet, holding the ears up with a look of surprise. "You still have this?"

Yeonjun glances over, his eyes widening in recognition before he breaks into a sheepish grin. "Oh, those. Yeah, I found them a while back and couldn't bring myself to throw them away."

You break into a grin, walking over to the bed, playfully placing the bunny ears on his head. "You look ridiculous," you laugh, pulling out your phone to take pictures of him.

He groans but doesn’t stop you, knowing it's futile. "Great, now you're going to have blackmail material for life."

You snap a few photos, giggling at how silly he looks. "Oh, absolutely. These are going to come in handy."

He chuckles, shaking his head slightly as the ears flop around. "Just promise you won't show them to anyone. My reputation can't handle it."

You laugh, tucking your phone back into your pocket. "Don't worry, these are just for me."

See?

You and Yeonjun are just fine. Was it a little awkward the first few seconds? Sure. But there's absolutely nothing in the world that can get in the between of you two.

—present …[9:24 PM]

Noticing how much more comfortable he seems now, everything else fades into background noise— he’s almost right back to his usual self. Something about that bothers you as you take a big gulp of your drink, feeling the burn as it slides down your throat. Suddenly, you stand up, blinking away the dizziness. “I need to sober up. Hyejoon, come with me to the bathroom.”

“Huh? Oh, okay.”

It’s a hassle to find the bathroom, but when you do, you quickly lock the door behind you and your friend. You rush to the mirror, staring at your reflection before turning on the water to wash your face.

What’s wrong with you? Is there something wrong with you? It must be the alcohol.

“You feeling alright?” she whispers, her brows furrowing in concern.

You splash your face with freezing water over and over again, trying to snap out of it. The one question that plagues your thoughts over and over again feels dooming; did you make a mistake?

“Hey,” she pulls you back to face her. “Are you okay?”

You stare at her in silence for a bit until you end up cracking a firm smile, “Yeah, just needed to get my head out of the gutter.”

[yawnderu]

Lorelei — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader | Part IV

1 2 3 4 5 6

Simon doesn't cry. The last time he cried was out of shock, coming home to see his entire family executed by who he thought were his allies, his friends, his comrades. Simon doesn't cry, but you can see how broken his soul is in the way his hands delicately hold you close to him. You can feel it in the way his heart is beating fast in your ear, his lips pressing gentle kisses on the top of your head while you're barely conscious, too tired from the late-night conversation you had with him.

The man who broke you a year ago is the same man whose touch pieces your soul together, his warm hands doing nothing but serve as a reassurance that he's here. He's here, alive, and he's not going anywhere. Not anymore.

He waits until you're snoring softly to gently settle you back down in bed, taking one last look at your peaceful sleeping expression before getting up from bed slowly, leaving the room and walking in the dark towards his baby's room. He closes the door behind him, approaching the crib with footsteps so quiet one would think he's still the ghost, but he's not, not when he's here. He's just Simon.

"Hey, sweet girl." He greets in a whisper, leaning down in front of the crib to look at his daughter. What a fucking sight, he thinks; brown eyes focused on the way his tiny girl is holding a bunny plushie close to her, wearing the skull pattern pajamas he bought her a few weeks ago. Simon has strong genes— the baby looks like a girly replica of him, her dark brown hair framing her pretty face, nose slightly rosy from the cold. He adjusts her beanie, lifting the blanket enough so more of her body can be covered even while she's asleep. His hand hesitates when he feels the baby stirring awake, taking a step back before her brown eyes open, peering at him.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He whispers, afraid to wake you up even while you're an entire room away. His big hands reach out for the baby, cradling her in his arms as he walks around the house until he reaches the living room, not bothering to turn on the light to not bother his baby. She's calm— not crying, simply babbling as she looks up at him, her hands balled into fists, too used to holding something. Simon can feel her tiny nails digging into his bare chest, yet he doesn't mind, gently rocking his girl under the comfort of the dark living room, the moonlight illuminating enough so they can both look at each other.

"Papa." His heart almost stops when he hears the little girl say her first word, looking down at her with wide eyes and a proud smile. He almost thinks he imagined it until she repeats it louder, tiny hands pulling on his dog tags. His hand dwarfs the baby's head as he presses her closer to his bare chest, closing his eyes and focusing on the feeling of her tiny body against his. He never thought he'd be a father— hell, the idea itself never went through his head even when his family was alive, yet ever since he first saw his baby girl? Simon fell in love.

"Papa's here, Astrid." He plants a gentle kiss on her forehead, her tiny balled up hands now holding his cheeks and pulling slightly on the stubble, making him groan in pain, something she finds amusing, a cheeky giggle coming out of her.

"Gentle." He reminds her, pulling her away so she's not able to keep torturing his scarred cheeks. He smiles down at her, one of his hands coming up to gently pinch her chubby cheeks, another giggle coming out of the tiny girl. She’s an angel— rarely cries and is always giggling, her gummy smile full on display for anyone lucky enough to see her.

His pretty angel. A split image of everything Simon could have been if he had a normal family and rather than feeling bitter about it, he feels happy. Happy to be able to see her grow, to give her and you the life you both deserve, even if you're not together.

He lays down on the couch with the baby resting on his chest, the chain and metal of his dog tags enough to keep her distracted as he admires her under the moonlight seeping through the window, wanting to memorize every single detail on her tiny face. The pain of losing a second brother to him is still there, yet this tiny girl heals his soul and gives him hope.

Johnny would have loved you. He thinks as he looks at her, imagining Johnny playing with his baby. A quiet chuckle escapes his lips as he thinks of the tiny girl pulling on his mowkhawk, her bad habit of pulling on people's hair something he became too familiar with, his buzzcut not saving him from his baby's surprisingly strong grip. His mind inevitably goes back to his family, thinking of Joseph playing with his baby, of Tommy experiencing being an uncle, or Beth and his mum gossiping with you while looking at Simon, proud smiles in their faces. He can't help the way his eyes sting, slightly rimming with tears in the company of his baby.

His eyes close as he takes a deep breath, allowing a stray tear to roll down his cheek while the rest dots his long eyelashes. His hand plays with his little girl's hair, the other one firmly holding her close to his bare chest while she babbles on, her innocence a complete contrast to who he is.

"Mum?" He begins, eyes still closed and voice shaky.

"This is my baby, Astrid. She's four months old... lovely girl, ain't she?" He speaks quietly to nothing, imagining his mum is there, watching over him, a bright smile on her lips.

"I still haven't won her mum over, but I'm trying. I'm gonna marry this girl, mummy, I know I will." Simon doesn't cry, but his stomach muscles tense as he holds back a sob, not wanting to startle the baby resting on him. Her silence finally makes his eyes open, tear-rimmed circles of darkness softening when he sees the peaceful sleeping expression on his baby.

"I love you so much." He confesses in a whisper, his short nails gently massaging her scalp, his warm chest working as a personal heater for the sleeping baby. His back is starting to hurt but he's not going to risk waking the girl up, simply closing his eyes again and focusing on getting some sleep. With how badly he has been sleeping since he came back, he doesn't even realize when he drifted off to sleep, only being awoken hours later by the smell of pancakes and tea.

He looks down at his chest, finding a blanket covering him, but no sight of his baby. That's enough to send him in a panic, immediately getting up and looking around the living room, his fast-beating heart only slowing down once he sees the baby sitting on a highchair in the kitchen, your back turned to him as you hum and prepare breakfast.

"Bloody hell— you scared the shit out of me." He lets out a deep breath, trying his best to calm down as he starts walking towards you, one of his hands resting on your waist as you look over your shoulder and shoot him a cheeky grin.

"You scared the shit out of me when I saw the empty crib." He gives you an apologetic smile, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head and laughing as he narrowly misses the kick thrown to his arse.

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[thevampiremarie]

Summertime Sadness (part 2)

Simon "Ghost" Riley x reader

Second chance romance, heavy angst, hurt/very little comfort

Ten years ago: the first time you met Simon

Today: the first time Ghost meets you

Tags: mental illness, therapeutic boarding school, self harm, suicide attempt/suicidality, self harm, abuse, parental abandonment, much the same as last chapter. This fic is unedited because I don’t feel like editing it lol. If you see spelling/grammar issues, no you didn’t.

TEN YEARS AGO

Reader POV

-

It’s intake day.

Intake day happens once a week, always on Wednesday.

You don’t know why they pick Wednesday. It seems pretty arbitrary, doesn’t it?

On intake day, the nurses and counselors make all the current residents of the inpatient program line up to greet the newbies. You actually look forward to intake day. Everyone here is so boring and routine; your roommate never speaks unless spoken to and she always keeps her earbuds in. On intake day, the hope that someone nice will be admitted survives for the few hours of the intake itself.

It usually dies right after. There was one polite girl who smiled when you waved last week, but she was transferred to a different facility that night before you could learn her name.

You’ve been here for three weeks, so that’s three intake days.

You’re not sure why you’ve been here so long. It seems a little excessive; you’d think by now they’d realize your stuff isn’t so bad and maybe you could transition to outpatient appointments?

It’s a little dissociation and some minor depression. Not bad at all.

But your doctors agree, albeit gently, that you should stay for the full five month course.

The program isn’t so bad. The facility sits on a sprawling multi-acre property in the British countryside, where everything is beautiful and verdant and always chilly. It’s lovely. The tea is good. You’re getting used to how they take it here. It’s nothing like the sweet tea you drink back home.

You suppose that’s another reason why they won’t let you go home even though you’re okay; there isn’t a home to go back to. Your dad hasn’t looked you in the eye since Mom left. At least the orderlies here greet you in the morning.

(What Dad doesn’t know is that before she left, she told you she loved you and to wait for her. Soon, she’ll take you away from this place and you’ll never have to see your dad again.)

Before you head to the foyer, you check your hair in the mirror of your room’s suicide-proofed bathroom. A young teenage face stares back at you with cheeks flushed red from the sun. You trace your deep smile lines with the tip of your finger, then practice smiling. You would have feel better about moving to a therapeutic boarding school if you’d been greeted with a smile.

At first, you think the newest crop of poor souls will be uninteresting at best. Listless rich kids detoxing off Mommy’s coke, frightened preteens who’ve never been away from their parents for an extended period of time, and a few teenagers straight from an ER, IV bags and all.

And then you see him get off the bus last.

He’s tall, towering over everyone else. A lanky, almost skeletal build, with a bored, aloof expression on his face. He hides the Zippo lighter he was playing with in his sleeve before the nurses catch and confiscate it.

There’s something horrifically severe about him. He can’t be more than a couple of years older than you, but he carries himself like he’s a blade and the world is filled with monsters.

His eyes are large and dark, rich brown irises rimmed with pale blonde eyelashes. And they’re kind, even though he would probably hate having that pointed out.

You decide then and there that you’ll befriend him. He could use a friend; everyone here does. He’s beautiful in his sharpness and elegant in his abrasiveness. Maybe you can coax more of that hidden kindness out, show him that it’s worth more than his anger. You wouldn’t be able to stay away if you tried.

You both like playing with fire, though you prefer less literal ones.

-

TODAY

Ghost POV

-

Your smile fades swiftly as if it was never there to begin with.

There are two ghosts in this room. That’s what you are; a ghost of the girl he knew.

He watches and waits for you to shift uncomfortably and start blabbering to fill the silence like you used to. “Why’d you make them call me?” Ghost asks when it’s clear that you won’t.

As soon as you explain, he’s out of here. Ghost meant it when he said he never wanted to see you again.

You’re the last living reminder of the past he’s tried so hard to kill. The beeping sounds of your heart monitor spell out his mistakes in a grating, irritating rhythm.

Your answer disappoints his expectations. “I didn’t actually think you’d show.” Ghost doesn’t hear any wistfulness or longing in your voice, anything that would tell him that you’re clinging on to the boy you thought he was. Only a bone-dry and hollow statement of facts.

“What do you want?”

You ignore his question. At fifteen, you were good at that. At twenty-five, you’re better. “You got any cigarettes I could bum? You look like you still smoke them,” You say as you fiddle with your torn, bleeding nail beds with the classic anxiety of nicotine withdrawal.

He does that too when a mission stretches too long without a resupply and he finishes his cigarettes early to stave off hunger.

Ghost remembers fighting with you over the pack of smokes he smuggled into the program. He would hold it way above your head and laugh as you struggled to reach them. But you never gave up - they were bad for him, and you liked him too much to see him die of lung cancer.

He remembers the determination in your eyes and your unwavering faith that he could be saved.

“They’re bad for you,” Ghost echoes.

If you remember that moment, you don’t show it. “You know what else is fucking bad for you?” Your tone is so acerbic that it gives him whiplash.

He can’t resist taking a shot. “What, being a prick?” You just… bring out the worst in him. You make him feel as unhinged and unmoored as he was when you first met.

You roll your bloodshot eyes.

“I wasn’t going to call you out on that. I was going to say benzos and vodka. Also throwing yourself headfirst off a bridge.”

“Oh.”

What is he supposed to say to that?

“Why did you come?” You ask after a long moment of quiet interspersed by that fucking heart monitor.

Ghost grinds his teeth into each other as he reflects. He hates doing that; the inside of his skull is a bad place. “…I don’t know,” He admits. Coming here was a mistake; Ghost understands that now.

The foul taste on the back of his tongue is guilt. But why? You did this to yourself. You brought him here to play games and fuck him up, so why is he the one who feels… bad?

You sigh. “Simon-“

“Ghost. It’s Ghost now,” He cuts you off with more violence than necessary.

Your mouth settles into a tight, pained line. “Ghost. Go away.”

“But you called me here.”

That provokes a reaction.

Ghost sees it and immediately wishes it hadn’t.

You stare him straight in the eye, your dilated pupils peel back his mask and see the face underneath. Your skin is tinged gray and your bottom lip blooms red with blood from where you’ve bitten through it.

He wants back the child sobbing for his forgiveness on her knees, who looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

“And it was a mistake, and I should never have done it, and I just wanted the satisfaction of knowing you weren’t going to pick up the phone. That I was truly alone.”

So the memory of him is a knife you’re using on yourself. Fucking disturbing.

“Oh.”

You raise an eyebrow as you wave. “Bye.”

Right.

That’s it.

Though your dismissal rankles, Ghost does as you ordered and takes his leave of you.

His work phone vibrates a few times.

Only one person calls that it. “Captain,” Ghost greets.

Captain Price clears his throat on the other side of the line. “Lieutenant. When can we expect you back?”

‘Tomorrow’ is on the tip of Ghost’s tongue.

He’s never taken a day off in his career, which means he’s got at least a year or two in built up vacation time. “I’ll be gone for a while longer, sir. Not sure yet how long,” Ghost answers promptly.

It’s only for a few more days, a week at most. Long enough to make sure you won’t try to kill yourself again, long enough for the guilt freezing his blood and choking his lungs to fade.

“Alright, Lieutenant. Keep us posted.”

“Yes, sir.”

TAGGING: @devcica @igotmajordaddyissues @almightywdm @copiasratscheese @nerdyreaderpapi @schmelscorner

[meruz]

hi!! im sure ppl have asked this b4, but i scoured your asks tag for an hour or so looking to see if you answered anything abt it and couldnt find anything, so i was just wondering if youve made any posts on your process for making n selling merch b4? and how you know which franchises you can make merch for w/o getting into trouble w copyright n trademark stuff (hopefully that makes sense, im not sure,,,)

hi! got a bunch of asks abt merch stuff lately im gonna put it under a cut.

preface: i don't know if i'm the best person to ask about all this stuff because I'm doing merch on a strictly hobby basis LOL. I have a fulltime job which takes care of the bulk of my finances, I don't really make big quantities of anything and my main priority at cons is to just make enough money to see my friends in different cities at minimal expense. i pretty much always get a refund when i file my con taxes because my profit after all the deductions is like fucking..nothing.. lmao. So if you ultimately lose money following my advice don't blame me. OK NOW lets get into it

my process for making merch: when I have an event scheduled that I want to make merch for I start by brainstorming a bunch of stuff I wanna make. for mgscon this is what I wrote down in my sketchbook lol

i made a legend to denote which ones are actually just reprints. it gets easier to plan out merch when you already have merch. out of the new merch ideas here i actually only made like 4 of them. and out of the reprints i only reprinted like three. i also came up with like 4-5 other merch ideas after writing out this list that i actually did do. LMAOO UM. my point here is that nothing rly goes as planned.

when i get a merch idea i start with thumbnails what i want it to look like (sometimes this is based off merch ive seen before so its very realized and sometimes its really vague bc im kind of pulling it out of my ass)

then BEFORE i go into making the final art I research how I'm going to make the merch. whether its printing/constructing it myself or looking for a manufacturer. There's a lot of different places that you can get custom merch made, i used to go shopping around at local printing shops but nowadays it's really common to do it all online. For both these jet tags and the washi tape I did some of my own research into manufacturers and also asked friends for their contacts/referrals/recommendations etc. most manufacturers either have their specs/template publicly available or will give them to you when you ask. so once I've locked into a manu and gotten the specs I'll start designing the final art.

then it's sending it off and waiting! easier said than done.

i will say this process is a lot lengthier for some types of merch than others LOL. for prints... I've been doing prints for like a million years and I plan out almost none of it. I draw everything at print resolution so a week before I have a con scheduled I'll simply go through all the files I've accumulated since my last con, squeeze whatever drawings I want into standard print sizes lol (ie. 8.5x11, 11x17, 4x6 etc), and print them at a local shop. takes like a couple hours max.

how you know which franchises you can make merch for w/o getting into trouble w copyright n trademark stuff?

I mean. honestly I don't know. selling fanart is the kind of thing that IP holders kind of just let slide as long as they don't think they're losing a substantial amt of money on it. there ARE a couple franchises people avoid because they've been known to send IP lawyers after fanartists... disney is the big one and they're known for being pretty petty abt it... that's why you don't really see people selling fanart of the disney princesses at cons. ive heard pokemon will also crack down if your project seems to be making a lot of money lol, part of why i think a lot of pokemon fanzines operate on a charity basis. I do feel like the pokemon company has bigger fish to fry than someones artist alley table though so i wouldn't sweat it too much.

it's also generally considered impolite/bad taste to sell fanart of small franchises. webcomics and indie games especially if they only have like 1-2 devs who rely on the income that game makes.

I'm not a lawyer so you shouldn't consider this legal advice BUT I will say... I don't think you should let IP law stop you from selling fanart lol. especially if it's low quantities/not mass produced and you're not making crazy amts of money I think you kind of have a leg to stand on. Besides, most cases it seems like the worst you'll get is a cease and desist.

you Will notice that when people start turning their artist alley endeavors into a real business they'll generally ease up on selling fanart (the case most prominent in my mind is omocat lol). but i love fanart and thats why i will never make money and thats a promise [snake saluting gif]

SORRY IDK IF ANY OF THIS WAS HELPFUL. I've been doing merch and cons for a long time (10+ years lmao, you can find record of this on this very blog) and i think im kind of old fashioned about it. i recognize the artist alley/merch scene is a lot more demanding now than it used to be but start small at local low-risk events, online sales etc and work your way up and remember to have fun and itll be ok i believe this wholeheartedly.

its literally just layers of acrylic like any other dinky charm. I'm sure pretty much any manu that does acrylic charms could do it but this specific charm/template i did order through a group order server. they're pretty well known! heres a link to their twitter

@wheatormeat sorry for taking a full month to answer this... anyways. This is tricky because I've actually been changing up my sticker manu everytime LOL IDK if I've found one I actually love.

these ones i ordered thru an alibaba manu because I was jumping on a friend's group order to save on shipping. it was ok. they arrived a liiiitle late and printed a lil dark but i think thats kind of my fault LOL I use dark colors i always need to lighten things before i get them printed and i think i just didnt lighten these enough. otherwise i rly love the quality!

i realized i never posted these online and also this is not a good picture (the lighting in my living room sucks rn) but i printed these tmnt stickers thru stickerninja they feel really solid but they needed kind of a lot of space for the cutline. but their customer service was very nice and helpful!

these ones i got printed at washimill and i was so impressed with how fine their cutline is... pricing and quality of the sticker itself is alright they feel a lil flimsy? idk. but i do like the printing. i kind of elected to go with them solely because i was already ordering washi tape. A LOT of my manufacturing decisions are made based on how much money i can save on shipping tbh.

and thats my sticker manu reviews dont forget to like comment subscribe idk if i have one im gonna stick with forever or anything im rly indecisive. ideally id like a manu based in the u.s...? because im based in the u.s. and international shipping is pricey. but idk if i keep ordering washi tape maybe ill keep using washimill. who knows...

[wbtsan]

THE 9TH MEMBER - CHAPTER 1

synopsis. nabi (aka you) has been training for just over 3 years and when you heard you were going to debut, you were super excited to meet your members. although, you were taken aback when you heard that your members were all boys.

pairing. female!reader x ateez!members | tags. the most tiniest angst ever, members angry, nothing else (i think) | genre. fluff | wc. 510+ | masterlist

author note. ahh my first ever series on this blog !! writing this was super fun and i loved all of it !! my mistakes for posting this really late, i recently got my dream job and have been focusing on it! do not worry, i will slowly make my return to writing soon <3

networks. @newworldnet @illusionnet @starlit-network

when you first got news of getting accepted into this new company, you couldn't believe your eyes. all this hard work and effort seemed like it was worth it after all.

"we have a slight problem." your manager says. uh oh. this is going to turn very bad.. "as you would've known we don't have much girl trainees here at the company and since we were aiming for a 5 member girl group, we've decided to do something you probably won't like."

"me!? in a boy group?! b-but, im a girl! wouldn't it be weird if a girl - who is not a boy - is in a boy group?" your face dropped at the sudden announcement. not being able to debut was probably a way better choice than having to debut with boys. "look, we know this came as a shocker but, its really beneficial for you!" your manager tries to say happily. "tomorrow, you'll be meeting the members. trust me, they're really nice!" the staff tries to say before you groan annoyed as you stormed off. "why am i debuting in a boy group? wouldn't i be hated at? wasn't it better if i just debut solo? why am i going to debut with random boys?!" you thought.

-

"what?! a girl?" hongjoong says in shock. over the last 5 years, it's always been just the 8 of the boys together. but now that nabi will debut with ateez, that means there'll be more pressure on hongjoong. from reproducing the songs to recording all of nabi's parts, he gets annoyed over this. "why are we having a girl in our group!? do you not understand the pressure ill be put under!? i have already worked long hours for us to come this far, wouldn't it just be a waste if we have to remake ALL our songs?" hongjoong angrily says. "calm down hongjoong, im sure she'll be a great addition to our group." seonghwa calmly says, trying to calm him down. "exactly! i think having a girl will be a great addition to the team plus, it'll be really good for you guys to have a new friend!" the manager says.

hongjoong sighs before accepting his fate. "fine, but if she isn't what you say she is, then im going to make her first day her last." he says before storming off. the members rub their forehead in devestation as the meeting room stays quiet. "well, how are we going to deal with a girl?" mingi says. "no idea, but we need to give it some time. if we rush her into doing stuff, she'll get uncomfortable and then we'll get in trouble." seonghwa adds on from mingi's statement. "plus, ive heard there were some trainees here who are snitches. hopefully she isn't one of them." wooyoung mentions. "well now that we're talking, you guys will meet her.. tomorrow!" the manager says. "TOMORROW!?" the guys say together. "yes yes, bit of a shocker but im sure you'll be fine!" the members sigh in annoyance before the manager leaves them, the room filling with silence again.

tagging : @taz-97

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[sheepgirlmaidtummy]

fucking thank you for mentioning that black and brown and indigenous bloggers (esp trans women) on this website have been nuked since 2016 and nobody gave a shit. this website has been racist and transmisogynistic for years and 99% of the ""community"" on here didn't give a fuck until now.

an indigenous child is dead. transfem bloggers are harassed. nobody cares about that. the white trans community on this site cares about funny jokes and infighting instead of protecting us. avery deserves better. nex deserved better. children are being murdered and people have decided to strip every ounce of racial and transmisogynistic intent from the current wave of violence in favor of jokes.

when do we get to be a part of our own communities? when do we get the support and protection and righteous anger from other trans people? im so fucking tired.

honestly? ive been talking about this stuff for years, and the only reason it got attention is because of what happened to rita being so public, those posts never got the attention they should've and that doesnt surprise me in the slightest.

we arent a part of this "community", we wouldnt be trampled on and forgotten if we were actually important. and whenever we make our own spaces they take that over too. it doesnt matter what happens to us in the process. i hate the performative bullshit i hate the jokes i hate the ignorance i hate that theres nothing left for us.

the only times we're fucking noticed is when somebody murders us and EVEN THEN thats giving too much credit. white people get to joke about this shit while we have to live every day accepting that we'll be left behind. with no way of finding others like us to even feel just a smidgen of comfort. you look at the tag for black trans women before this photomatt bs and theres nothing but our murders. you cant even find shit about all the poc getting banned from this site because nobody cared to document anything let alone Help us.

im really fucking tired of seeing the 'support black trans women!' posts around here. you dont support us when we look you in the eye and Beg. when i got kicked out last year and made a post about it NOBODY batted an eye until rita and afew other popular white transfems reblogged it. and im the lucky one. people would rather be upset at the hammer car than us dying in the streets. i dont even know how to type this all out, just thinking about this makes me furious. i spent the early years of my transition hearing nothing but black trans girls getting murdered in their cars for $100. thats how worth our lives are in this "community". we cant even get that much in donations.

im tired too hun, im really fucking tired

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[goatpaste]

I feel like I’m missing something.. what is the eated him incident of 89 I mean I get the premise but I feel like I’m missing like, the first post? I saw the short comic but that’s it and I NEED to know

oh man.. itS YEARS of AU writing iv done its soo fucking indulgent, iv literally been working on this AU since.. good lord April of 2022..

If you wanna go digging (which you can but a warning that theres OLLD ugly art post way back in there lol) its all tagged on my blog under #Pillar Fam

but even then its a lil non chronological

the best i got for that, is forever ago i tried to put the general info in a google doc, but its kinda outdated at this point as well lol

But the general idea for this 'incident' in this AU is simply, Jotaro didnt just kill Dio, Jotaro ate Dio

it stems from a P2 rewrite that ultimately ended up with everyone living for better or worse. Along with Joseph and Suzi having a relationship with Wham. Holly is born under both the Joestar Curse as well as Half Pillar man. Theres a lot to dive into with that, but thats just the bases for the bigger topic of 'Eated Him' which is a silly Nickname to a horrific Jotaro event in my AU lol

Jotaro coming from his half Pillar man Mom, is also part Pillar man. And everything we know of Jotaro and the way he behaves and the fear he had over his own stand he thought to be an evil spirit, all lumped on top of being part 'monster'

Jotaro is afraid of himself because he thinks he is a monster because he came from monsters. From comments from his granny Lisa on how cruel and mounterious his grandfather Kars is. To the way his mother doesn't open up about her own feelings of how she and her family is seen in the eyes of human society (which to her is meant to put on a smile and say nothing wrong in hopes that it can keep everyone happy and not burden anyone with her own sadness)

Then he gets this big scary evil spirit haunting him thats supposes to be from his own soul, and it looks just like his mean, cold and disliked 'monster' of a grandfather kars. Baring Fangs, horns and the works.

Jotaro and his mom in their large house, no husband usually around, or friends who come to visit. Just a large empty monster mansion.

So when it comes to the Dio fight in Egypt and as far as Jotaro knows everyone he cares about is dead or dying and he's back into a corner. Its just

fight or flight, and Jotaro doesn't even know whats happening, and how its so instinctual to him. Something so ancient in him that tells him to destroy Dio absolute.

He kills and eats Dio the way any good Pillar Man would a Vampire.

And Jotaro can never take that back. Jotaro has hurt many people, but always as a human, nothing beyond what any of the others in his new found circle of friends cant do. But this? this is what a monster does. Standing there in the middle of the streets of Cairo, covered in blood that isnt his own, dragging back and the last arm of flesh to his dying grandfather. In his eyes he has become his grandfather.

[sleepanonymous]

Hi!! I'm kind of new here and I was wondering if you could help me with a question I've been trying to find the answer to! When did IV 1 leave? Was it after This Place Will Become Your Tomb? Thank you and I hope you have a good week!

Hello Anon 🖤 Welcome to the fandom. I’m glad you’re here. As for your question, I took it too seriously 😅 I also feel guilty for lazily lumping the previous two IVs together in the OG IV tag I use, which may be adding to the confusion I’ve seen cropping up here on Tumblr about Sleep Token’s Touring members.

TLDR Answer: The first IV stopped touring with Sleep Token in late 2018, several months before Sundowning was released.

Much longer and convoluted answer: The source I originally had gave an obligatory 2020 date for the first IV and the Keyboardist leaving Sleep Token as touring musicians. I always took that year at face value, but I’m glad I did a deep dive into this for you because I’ve found something interesting (or maybe I’m just weird, idk). The last show I know for certain that the first IV played with Sleep Token was at St Pancras Old Church in October 2018 (YouTube link). I could have sworn Sleep Token played more shows in 2018 after October, but I’m not finding much online to support that. The first show I can find that Sleep Token played following the one in 2018 was when they opened for Baby Metal in July 2019 (YouTube link). This show has the guitarist who replaced the first IV (whom I’ve confusingly dubbed OG IV) Interestingly, he also plays the keys instead of Vessel, which I’ve never seen before. This is also the first performance with the Vesselettes as far as I can tell. I did some more digging, even though this technically wasn’t your question, but the first show I found that has our current IV was, surprisingly, the Download 2021 show I just posted about (Tumblr link) where the poor guy was so shy and standing off to the side and didn’t move.

Since I'm on a rant, I also want to mention that I had someone tell me recently that III was also replaced as a touring member at some point? As far back as I could go with live videos (there's nothing readily accessible before 2018) he looks like the same guy? It's the same Warwick bass guitar at least. If anyone has some more concrete information on that, I'd very much appreciate it 🖤

[vessels-two-front-teeth]

You don't like IV anymore? 😔

Oh boy…how do I answer this?

I’m going to put the majority of my answer to this under the cut, as it will likely be a longer post. There’s a lot of moving pieces to this, and it all has to do with mental health. I know not everyone is interested in seeing things about my personal life, so this will make it so that those people can skip past this easier.

To make a long story short, I have no negative feelings towards any members of ST. If anything, the opposite is my problem.

To now get into the nitty gritty…

As a whole, I have a lot of unhealed trauma and unchecked coping mechanisms. This combination results in essentially me being addicted to the idealized versions of people, usually celebrities. In my mind, the person that this is focused on is always treated like actual drugs. And this time around it was IV.

All of last year (from January to August), I was living in a near constant state of high high stress. I was facing a countdown clock until the inevitable day that I would become homeless. Starting in August, I began to switch my old blank blog to what it is now and started doing my portrait series of watercolour paintings of ST. At the end of August, my partner and I had to move in with our only friend and began living in a camper on his property. We had a roof over our head, and somewhere to sleep, but we were essentially homeless with some glitter thrown on it. In September, I began writing a fanfiction about IV, and this is where things start to fall apart.

I have always had “a habit” of maladaptive daydreaming (it’s a cornerstone trait of ADHD, as is addiction), and this time around, it snowballed out of control very very quickly. Through writing the story, I began trying to put myself into the story to try and write it more believably, but it just became me fantasizing about IV. It got to a level where I was constantly living in those fantasies, to the point where I was willing to throw away my actual relationship for said fantasy about someone who doesn’t know that I exist. It reached a point where I was emotionally cheating on my partner with IV, turning to these fantasies in search of things that I should be getting from my partner. Furthermore, I began trying to find labels that would allow me to make excuses for what I was doing. That label was polyamory. (Nuance time: I have nothing against the label or identity, this instance for me was purely delusion being fed by trauma and coping mechanisms.)

(I cannot make it any more clear, my partner and my relationship with him has never been the cause of any of the stress that I was going through. He has only ever been the best thing to ever happen to me. That has still not changed, nor will it ever.)

This came to a head about two weeks ago. I had finally worked up the courage to come out to my partner as poly, since that’s what I thought needed to happen. And over the course of the next few days the blinders were rapidly removed from my eyes and I became uncomfortably aware of the way that I had been behaving here for the previous 5 or so months. That way can only be described as predatory and entirely unhinged. If a man was caught making the same kind of comments about a female celebrity as I was about IV, that man would be put on a list and be labeled a stalker. The fact that was me, makes it no different.

With this new realization, I began the process of going through my blog and massively altering my tags and in general the type of posts that I make here. From an outside perspective, I know it looks like I suddenly started hating IV, or something like that, hence you sending this ask. That’s not the case. I’m making the conscious decision to distance myself until I can reach a healthy level of indifference.

A major contributing factor to this is the fact that I will eventually be a published author and having a digital footprint that looked the way it did for those few months, would immediately get me cancelled and my career would be over before it even began.

Being a fan of ST is not the problem, the obsessive romanticizing and **sexualising that I was doing is.

I also want to emphasize the fact that nowhere in this post am I calling out anyone. else’s. behaviour. I am only talking about myself and the ways that I have chosen to behave.

**correcting a typo

[munstysmind]

First prompt:

"Please don't leave me in here alone." - Chris & Maddie

WARNING/S: mentions of throw up/vomit, mentions of blood, medical setting

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY

Divider by @firefly-graphics

MAIN MASTERLIST

MADDISON MASTERLIST

MADDISON SHORTS AND EXTRAS MASTERLIST

please let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list

Chris lets out a long groan as he stretches out his entire body before slumping back against the most uncomfortable chair he’s ever sat in and looks over at Maddie sleeping soundly as the bag of fluids connected to her IV slowly drips away.

It’s been a hard week, one for the hardest he’s had in a while, and it isn't ending anytime soon.

She’s been sick, really sick.

And it’s made him sick with worry.

He’s barely slept in the four days since she first threw up. And it hasn’t stopped. She hasn’t been able to keep anything down, not even water.

It actually looked like she was on the mend this morning. She managed to keep down some apple juice with blended ice for a good few hours and was feeling a little better until she brought it all back up… with blood.

And for the first time in the three years they’d been together, he was harsh with her. He didn’t want to, but he had no choice.

She didn’t want to go to the hospital, and he didn't blame her with the trauma she has, but she needed medical attention, and quickly.

That was hours ago. After tests and scans and more tests it’s now a waiting game for the results.

He feels so helpless knowing there’s nothing he can do to make her better. It’s like he’s failing her. All he can do is watch over her and pray to whoever’s listening that she’s going to be okay.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by her quiet whine as she stirs, stretching out before rolling onto her side and curling up.

“Chris?” she whimpers, making his heart ache as a frown spreads across her forehead.

He hates this with every fibre of his being, seeing her so sick. She never gets sick. He can’t even remember the last time she had a cold.

“I’m here” he says quietly, gently squeezing her hand before running his thumb back and forth over her knuckles.

She lets out a soft groan and squeezes back as she slowly opens her eyes, blinking as they adjust to the ridiculously bright lights in her room.

A small smile spreads across her face as soon as her eyes focus on him and she visibly relaxes, realising he’s actually here and she isn’t imagining things in her semi-drugged up state.

“Hey baby, how you feeling?” he asks quietly as he reaches forward and brushes her hair off her face.

“Bit better” she mumbles, her eyes fluttering shut again as she leans into his touch. Since the day she had her first panic attack in front of him, on set of The Winter Soldier all those years ago, his touch has comforted her in a way no one else’s does.

“Is your pain any better?” he asks, praying it’s subsided in the few hours she’s been asleep. She just lets out a pained grunt and shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, baby” he whispers before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her temple, making her hum quietly.

“You missed” she mumbles, puckering her lips and pointing to them. He lets out a quiet chuckle before pressing his lips to hers, only pulling away when there’s a knock at the door.

“Come in” he says, sitting up in his chair and turning his attention to who he assumes is a doctor as she quietly comes into the room.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Loscoe, I’ll be looking after you tonight. How are you feeling?” Doctor Loscoe asks, giving them a kind smile.

“I wanna go home” Maddie mumbles. She’s never felt so sick in her life and all she wants to do is curl up snuggled into Chris’ side and forget everything, but she can’t because she’s stuck in a stupid hospital bed.

“I don’t blame you but unfortunately you’re not going anywhere tonight, I’m sorry” Doctor Loscoe tells her, making Chris straighten up in his chair.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, looking at Doctor Loscoe worried.

She gives him a small frown and pulls up some information on the iPad she’s holding, quickly double checking it before looking back at him.

“Not really, no. Her blood tests show her white cell count is quite elevated, about three times what it should be, which tells us there’s an infection somewhere. We just don’t know where. We’re going to run some more tests in the morning but until then I’d like to get her started on some broad spectrum antibiotics to start tackling whatever’s going on” Doctor Loscoe tells him before walking to the side of Maddie’s bed and adjusts something on one for her handful of monitors.

“Is that okay, baby? The meds?” Chris asks Maddie quietly, wanting to make sure she understands what he’s just been told. She gives him a small nod in response before

“I’ll get an order written up then one of the nurses will come hook an IV up” Doctor Loscoe says before making some notes on the iPad.

“Thank you” Maddie says quietly, trying, and failing, to give the woman a smile as she lets out a whimper, unable to hide her pain.

“You’re very welcome. I’m going to put an order in for some pain relief too, get you more comfortable” Doctor Loscoe says as her pager goes off. She pulls it off the waistband of her scrubs and reads it before quickly leaving the room.

As soon as the door closes, Maddie bursts into tears, well and truly overwhelmed. It makes Chris’ heart break in two as he leans over her and rests his forehead against her temple.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re ok. You’re safe. I’m right here” he says quietly as he rubs slow circles on her back.

“M’sorry” she gasps, trying to calm herself down. She hates crying, even in front of the man who’s her everything. She knows it’s irrational, but it makes her feel weak, like she’s back56 to being that damaged woman Travis created.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, baby” Chris tells her, wishing she didn’t feel like she has to apologise to him for having basic human emotions.

“Please don't leave me in here alone” she whispers, her voice shaking as she reaches out to him and grips his shirt tightly, trying to ground herself.

She’s so scared.

“I’m not going anywhere” he says quietly as he kicks off his shoes and climbs into the tiny bed with her, pulling her into his lap and pressing a long kiss to her forehead “I promise”

@aussieez @rookiemartin @babeyyemor @secretaryunpaid @pixie88 @chickensarentcheap @dhoruwolfie @themaradwrites @cali-nyc5 @darsynia @birminghamshelbyboys @wewannasaygoodnight @sweetbunnyliddle @km-ffluv

[arunneronthird]

august - fic recs (mature edition)

hi hello and welcome to my first rec list! as i said in previous posts, ill be doing a monthly rec list divided in two posts, a gen/teen and a mature/explicit version (if i have enough fics) and a masterpost where i link all my lists

fandom wise itll probably be all over the place, but i will add the length, important warnings, links and some comments on every fic so u may check them all out!

now without further ado

Fandom: DC

Some Magnetic Way I Move by Shenanigans

words: 11,224 (perfect for an evening)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (not necessarily pleasant), recommend checking the tags seriously on this one

relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd

summary: roy is a kid who wonders near the ocean without any pirpose in life when he meets a creature that seems too good to be true, then life gets in the way, and roy gets in his own way even harder

notes: this fic has been obsessing me since i read it the first time, its dark and fucked up and completely too easy to get absorbed into, roy is a complicated, messed up man with a shitty life and a tendency to completely destroy himself and you cannot look away from him

this story moves along several years of roys life and his growth or lack thereof and its so easy to get lost in the pacing of this fic and just enjoy the ride, as hard as it gets

literally no need to know anything about dc, just read it and thank me later

Heroes of the Squared Circle by Mithen

words: 226,687 (yes, i wrote that right, it takes a good week)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (theres one whole scene in a thousand pages), nothing past canon typical violence

relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

summary: clark is a wrestler, so he follows his heart and joins a promotion where he meets bruce, cue their adventures as they work their way through a retelling of the best dc moments: wrestling edition

notes: OKAY HEAR ME OUT i did not like wrestling before i started this fic, i took a minute to get into it, the moment i got into it i could not stop

this is one of the most fun, most detailed, most passioned fics ive ever read, a love letter to dc and wrestling so vivid and transparent that it genuinely made me excited for it too, all the characters are treated with love and care and the main relationship is so exciting, u can feel the love they hold for each ohter but never overshadows the wonderfully crafted story and the genuinely engaging plot

(cried at the end cause of how much i loved it. i dont cry)

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Below the Sun by CSHfic, VSfic

words: 24,853 (can be read in a long afternoon)

rating and warnings: M, no sexual content, i would consider it T but there is a good amount of injuries

relationships: Sokka/Zuko

summary: sokka and zukko get stranded on an island after a shipwreck and have to learn not to be at each others throats while waiting for rescue

notes: heartwarming and weirdly peaceful, though the inherent anxiousness of sokka being stranded and injured with an enemy nearby does get to you, easy to read and easy to love, honestly a good time through and through and a good reflection on friendship

if you havent watched atla (watch it) you can read this anyway, only minimum knowledge is required for this fic

Fandom: Modern Warfare

i like you alive by kaijusalad

words: 11,254 (another afternoon read)

rating and warnings: M, graphic violence and injuries, no sexual content

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: soap gets really injured in a mission and ghost has to get him out of there, somehow keep him awake, try not to die, and not panic and he is partially failing

notes: intense high-stakes fic, graphic and heart-wrenching and yet somehow very warm, incredibly easy to start praying for ghosts success cause hes... hes trying so hard! once you start reading you wont be able to stop until u reach the end, also anyone typing out accents has my unconditional love

no previous knowledge needed to read this fic, just brace yourselves (btw i dont know why but the tags in this fic are so funny to me)

Doing Time by MildLimerence

words: 53,566 (takes 2 or 3 days)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content plus graphic violence, both to a preeeetty fucking explicit level so please check the tags

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: in a world where soulmates are scarce and sometimes even dangerous to other people or themselves, soap ends up getting himself arrested cause his mark makes him go a bit wild and, to his horror, activates when he finally arrives at prison

notes: listen, i hate soulamates (i love you on purpose) but theres something about the way this author writes them that gets me, the connection between soulmates is more of a telepathic, magnetic connection and the lack of it can make soulmates go completely feral, its not the beautiful thing everyone thinks it is

dont want to spoil much but dont be fooled by the summary, this baby has a whole plot prepared and though the dynamic between characters and dark elements are incredibly fun on their own, i ended up getting actually really hooked by the plot, reeeeally fun read

knowing who the characters are makes it an easier read but i dont think youll get lost if you dont

Fandom: Supernatural

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers

words: 31,587 (takes a couple days, def a couple breaks)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content, not all of it fun, gets pretty dark so check the tags and the authors notes

relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

summary: dean used to turn tricks to make sure he had enough money to care for his brother, now that he has met cas, his issues with intimacy resurface with a vengeance

notes: not an easy fic to read, heavy topics are touched and you feel genuinely bad for dean but the characterization is so perfect that i tend to think of deans past here as canon, as messed up as it is

even though the topics are dark, the fic doesnt dwell on the worst stuff, there are no scenes written for shock value, its a tasteful take on dark topics, its just heartbreaking and powerful, it will make you root for the main characters, hard

if you dont know these characters you may be pretty lost but you definitely only need a basic idea of the show

[kira-light0]

Get to know you game! Answer the questions and tag people you want to know better.

Thank you for tagging me @majorbaby

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Last song listened to: A kiss to build a dream on - Louis Armstrong

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Currently reading:

Technically and unfortunately nothing, since I haven't been able to visit the library in a while, but I started both of the following books last year and never got a chance to finish them, so I'll count them as currently being read:

• The Price of the Phoenix by Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath

• Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

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Currently watching:

• M*A*S*H (currently on season 7)

• Quantum Leap (rewatching. three episodes away from finishing)

• StarTrek IV (rewatching. I got halfway through the movie last night before falling asleep, so I'll finish watching it later)

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Currently obsessed with:

Mash of course, and Star trek as always. I'm going to assume this question doesn't only apply to media, so also my cat, the most adorable cat in the world, as well as knitting. (I wish I could post pictures of my cat and of what I'm knitting, but my friends and family know what both look like and I'd like to stay anonymous, so you'll just have to trust me on how adorable my cat is)

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no pressure of course: @symphonyincoordination / @starrycrowz

[iwillstealyourpotatoes]

thank you @sofyarostova for the tag! its been ages since ive done a tag game ^_^

last song i listened to: brand new city by mitski (i was having a rough day lol)

favourite colour: i love me some good deep forest green, but really most hues of green will work 💚

currently watching: nothing, actually! although i HAVE been reading a webtoon that im really enjoying! thats Jungle Juice :)

sweet/spicy/savoury?: definitely sweet. i cant handle spice for the life of me </3 i love a lot of savoury foods too, but im definitely a sweet tooth above all

relationship status: taken, by the lovely lovely wonderful @wooteena 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶!!!!!!!!! its been over 3 years, how crazy (and im still rotting away on tumblr 😭)

current obsession: im not sure i can pick just one!!!! ive been hyperfixated on Formula 1 and specifically Oscar Piastir for months and months and idk if itll ever blow over... ive also really been on the airplane grind (almost got arrested for Standing Near the Airport Looking at Planes) and ive been playing Hatsune Miku Project Sekai Colorful Stage practically every day 😞 so i think that counts. im basically obsessed with everything except upcoming exams tragically.

last searched: all the tabs on my Wikipedia app are just different types of insects, because i liked the Jungle Juice universe a lot and wanted to make an oc within it. they ended up being a type of owlfly (libelloides baeticus iirc) but it was very close between that and a spoonwing or jumping spider. :)

idk how many people i should tag so im just gonna do a few off the top of my head ! sorry if u didnt want to be tagged i can never remember! feel free to ignore :]

@sasukes-left-tit @doomedideas @very-uncorrect @bloodakoos @redwormonastring @dwalendinhetniets ! there u go