#ive been kind of slow with asks lately because ive just had a lot going on irl

[hermitagereheadcanons]

Wanted to pop a few of my Etho headcannons in here cause I have sooooo many.

- When Etho is regressed he clings to this one stuffed animal rabbit he's had for years. It's super worn and he refuses to let anyone replace or fix it. He just carries it around everywhere as if it were actually a rabbit.

- Etho has really bad texture issues with clothes when regressed. Socks are a big problem and he gets really frustrated and upset when he can feel the seam in the socks. He also hates denim and textures like it.

- Etho is very quiet when regressed despite being loud and relatively energetic when not. Nobody knows why but he just struggles with words really badly (my personal thoughts on this one is that it's a trauma response but it can be for any amounts of reasons you want).

- Loves hanging out in Bdubs' builds when regressed. He really likes the cluttered and nature-y vibes that Bdubs always has to them. He could sit in Bdubs' bedroom twiddling his thumbs and be content for a good few hours.

- He finds questions really overwhelming, especially when it's one right after the other. Mostly because he's never really sure what he wants and it can be super super upsetting. That's why he likes Bdubs and Cleo so much when he's regressed, because they'll just talk to him and won't really ask any questions. If he wants silence he'll make it clear and vice-versa.

- Etho hates regressing. He doesn't like how he feels like a prey animal trapped in a cage. It's confusing and disorienting every single time he's going in and out of it. He also doesn't really remember all the fun and good parts of it because of amnesia so it's just miserable for him to think about.

- 🐅 (if the tiger isn't taken ?)

I'm going to have to eat your Etho headcanons. Every single one. They're just too tasty! Sorry.

I keep starting to say "I especially like..." but I'd just be listing all of them to be honest. There's a lot of things here that align with my personal Etho headcanons, and a lot of things I never thought of that will now be bouncing around in my head for the rest of the day :]

The tiger is all yours!

[sugawhaaa]

Felix x reader Part. 1

"Im just doing my job."

💄Warnings::foul language used

🍦genre::fluff, non idol AU, one bed trope, slow burn

🌙pairing::security guard!Felix x famous!fem!reader

🏷A/N:: at first this idea seemed kinda cringe but now that I'm writing it I'm like, omg...also the next (estimated) 2 parts won't be as long (hopefully) because I had to introduce you to the world of this fanfic 😭

Your father is a worldwide famous actor that is constantly working. He may as well be royalty based on the way he's treated at work. Meanwhile your mother is a kpop artist that is still producing as a soloist. The three of you lived in basically a mansion of a house. All your life you've been harassed by cameras and interviewers, you willingly go to interviews but getting harassed at airports? Not so much. You understand the fact that at interviews all they're going to be asking you about is your parents but it always seems to be that as soon as anyone hears about your parents being well your parents they flip.

Comments such as "really you look nothing like them!" Or "gosh you must be so young!" Get hurtful and repetitive. 

But nothing is worse than getting bothered at your own house. You'll be eating dinner when there's people peeking through the windows or recording you getting changed at night. Your parents became aware of these creeps and stalkers and gave you, what they call, an assistant. His name? Lee Yongbok is his Korean name but he prefers being called Felix when not in business. He's very kind and generous but his speech seems to be limited when it comes to you and he's very stern and serious.

You can't help but feel bad for him. He has just as busy a schedule that you do and sometimes he does chores for you. He stays cool and calm and says it's nothing but is it really? He gets tired and often gets headaches. You offer him medicine but he refuses and uses his hands to massage his head instead. Felix often spends late nights with you and babysits you when your parents are out to simply enjoy themselves or do something for work.

Since you are now 18 years of age you've been thinking. What am I going to do with life? 

Ever since you were only a kid people asked you what your plans for your future are but they always give you two options. As an example an interviewer would ask "what are your plans for the future? Do you want to follow your mother's footsteps or your fathers?" You always try to explain in a kind way that both sound like promising futures but it might not be for you. Then they'll ask "Oh what else do you have in mind then?" 

Your honest answer? I don't know. But you have to give fans and TV more of an answer than that. You always bullshit it and come up with some random career and go with that. 

People also often ask about your school life, but ever since about 4th grade you've been home schooled. By a professional of course. Your parents wouldn't want anything less. Your teacher's name was Namjoon. He was very witty and knowledgeable about anything and everything. He was quick and knew lots about other countries, he's explored a vast amount of countries and often tells you about them. Felix isn't often around when Namjoon is but you just know that Felix would love him! Felix was born in Australia and Namjoon has been there on multiple occasions so they'd get along well. 

As of right now it's mid may, close to June and you are so done with schooling. Only about two months left and you're done. For a while. But there's also traveling, interviews for jobs and TV, hotel rooms, stalkers, busy cities, waiting around the hotel while your parents film or talk business with their staff. Felix usually doesn't come with you on these trips so it gets extra boring real quick. You're in all these different places around the world but you don't get even 5 seconds to enjoy it before getting dragged to a hotel or filming set. 

Today you woke up kind of late, around 10 am, and you instantly grabbed your phone to wake yourself up. You scrolled through some YouTube shorts when you saw a thumbnail for a short video. It mentioned your mother so you kept on reading the title and it said "M/N L/N caught cheating on husband! (She's been married to D/N for 13 years!!!)"

You rolled your eyes "it's been 14 years actually." you thought to yourself. You turned off your phone and hauled yourself out of bed and slipped on your shark slippers. You stretched and headed for the bathroom just down the hall from your room. When you opened your door you heard some cooking sounds from the kitchen downstairs and a delicious smell of bacon and eggs. Smells like moms cooking. 

You used the washroom and as you were washing your hands you looked up into the mirror to see your awful bed head. Right…you went to bed with wet hair last night. You dried off your hands and when you opened the door you heard your mother call your name. You went over to the indoor balcony in your house and looked down to see your mother "Yes?" You called out. 

"C'mere I have something important to tell you," you looked shocked and went down the nearby staircase. You rubbed your eyes as you went over to your mother in her pink house coat and cat slippers. "There's a slight change in plans. We're leaving for Australia today!" She said with a bright smile as she flipped an egg. You smiled with her.

"When do we leave!" You said basically jumping.

"1 pm!" She grinned as your jaw dropped.

"That's in four hours!" You freaked as your mom nodded. 

"I already made you an Australian breakfast," she smiled as she handed you a plate. You thanked her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before running to your room. You had nearly nothing packed! You were supposed to leave in roughly four days so you had like one outfit planned. It had a beret, long sleeve white dress, burnt pranced sweater and some basic sneakers.

Other than that you had nothing! You ate your breakfast really fast and got all the necessities. Hair brush, tooth brush, hair clips, make-up, skincare, pads, extra change of under garments, meds, bandaids everything! Time for clothes and hair accessories. You checked the time and only an hour had passed but your phone was at 18%! 

Ugh could anything else go wrong today?! 

You plugged in your phone and started putting outfits together. You finished all the clothing in about 30 minutes, not too bad considering. You then got in the shower and did your 50 step routine. At the end you relaxed a bit in the warm water but only 2 minutes into relaxation the water got cold. That doesn't happen too often but everyone's probably showering right now. You dried off and did some simple skin care before you ran into your mother in the hallway. 

"Whoa dear, relax." She giggled before taking a deep breath, she influenced you to do the same and you copied her. After a few deep breaths your mother oh'd. "I forgot to tell you," she said after hugging you. You looked at her with a confused and curious look. "Mr. Yongbok is coming with us!" She clapped and your face lit up. 

"Oh! He's gonna love that!" You said happily when your mother got a notification on her watch. She whipped out her wrist to check what it said and you quickly looked at the time on her watch. "12:13!? Damn I'm doing pretty good on time," you smirked before saying bye to your mother and going back to your room to keep packing. You packed some things that you might not need as much as you played some upbeat music. Bathing suit, housecoat, slippers, fidget toys, you know all the things that are kinda unnecessary to have a good time. You then dried your hair, styled it and did some simple but cute makeup. Then it hit you.  

"I don't have an outfit to wear today!" 

You put together a comfy yet cute outfit and finally got to sit down and relax on your phone but time goes by fast. Soon it was time to start heading for the airport. 

You and your family brought everything out to your big black car. One of your mother's staff was going to be driving you all there and helping with luggage. 

When you arrived at the airport you managed to spot Yongbok in the crowd. His long sandy hair covered his eyes as he looked down at his phone. You went over to him and he looked up before a squishy smile appeared on his face. You two chatted while sitting on a bench in a private section. The adults all discussed important matters while you and Felix talked about a video game you were playing on your phone.

"So they're all cookies…?" He questioned as he leaned in to see your phone screen.

"Yup!" You nodded as the cookies on your phone battled. 

"And they fight for their kingdom that you are in charge of?" He tilted his head as he looked at your focused eyes. You nodded again while humming. Your plane was then called to board, you and Felix got all of your things together and got on the plan. You were in first class today and this was Felix's first time up here. He embarrassingly asked a lot of questions during the whole flight. You thought it was cute but he found it embarrassing.

"Oh I've never asked you before," you started, catching Felix's attention. "How old are you?"

"Oh I'm twenty," he chuckled before putting a black mask on. 

"Really!?" You said with pure shock. "You look so much younger…" you looked at him intensely.

"How old did you think I was!?" He laughed "I am technically your security guard. I wouldn't really be in this position if I wasn't at least 18." He made a good point. But still he looked so young and handsome. You laid back in your comfy seat and closed your eyes with a sigh. "Tired?" Felix whispered in that deep, steady voice of his. He was so close to your ear and it made the butterflies in your stomach go wild. 

"Mhm" you nodded before relaxing your face again. Felix let you rest on the way to Australia. 

°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○

You woke up to Felix calling your name and gently shaking your arm. You woke up confused as fuck. "What? What?" You groaned as you looked around the plane.

"We're almost there, I just wanted to make sure you were awake enough when we got there," he said before handing you some water. You drank it, the cold liquid going down your dry throat. Your lips popped off the lid and you took a breath. You nodded and handed it to Felix. He took it and set it away again.

"Are you excited to be back home?" You smiled at him.

"Of course." You saw his eyes smile just above his mask. "Are you?" He said as his fluffy hair turned your way. 

"I love Australia. I think it's a beautiful place, other than the spiders," you said, making Felix chuckle. "But I hardly ever get to go out and see these places we visit." You said sadly.

"Oh? Why?" Felix seemed to misunderstand this entire trip. Maybe he thought he was going to be able to see the old parks he went to and old restaurants he went to. Hopefully he isn't too upset.

"Well…" you gestured for him to lean closer to you. "My parents don't usually let me go out. They usually leave me in the hotel while they're out and about." You whispered in his ear so your parents wouldn't hear you talking bad about their treatment towards you. Felix looked surprised and disappointed. 

"Hopefully we can go out and just hang about!" He smiled with his eyes again. You nodded before going back to looking out the window. 

"Oh we're almost there!" You said pointing your finger at the window. 

After you all landed on the safe Australian land Felix took a deep breath and took in the landscape. 

"You and your parents know English right?" Felix mumbled as he leaned over to you.

"Um the basics?" You shrugged. Felix face palmed and went to go talk to your parents, leaving your side empty. They talked a lot and worked out a plan and after an s-class car ride to your 5 star hotel you finally got to feel the comfort of a soft squishy bed. But before that…

"I think we should divide the rooms by two. You and Felix go in one and me and D/N will go in the other," your mom smiled and everyone agreed. You arrived on the 5th floor and found your room. Felix opened it and let you in first. You jumped on the bed and soaked in the soft sheets. You let out a deep sigh.

"So comfy~" you said as you cuddled up in the blankets. When Felix walked in with both of your bags he scanned the room. His eyes landed upon this little bench by the window. There was something weird about it, he bent down to look at it. He pulled off one of the cushions and found a camera. He kicked it extremely hard, shattering it and shooting the pieces all across the room. You instantly sat up and looked at the mess he had made. He started picking up the pieces of glass and plastic. You got off the bed to help him. 

"Careful." He said standing up and putting a hand in front of you. "There's glass." He said before bending back down to clean it up. 

"I'm literally wearing shoes," you laughed.

"Still don't wanna risk my princess getting hurt," 

You blushed at what he just called you. Not only princess but HIS princess. Your heart fluttered as you sat on the bed, cheeks hot. "S-sorry." He blushed as he swept up the glass with a little hand broom from the bathroom. "I used to call my little sister that and you remind me of her so it kinda slipped out…" he explained.

"Don't worry I liked it," you said with a wave of your hands. An awkward silence fell upon the room. Thankfully a knock on the door broke the silence. Felix immediately shot up and headed for the door. "I'll get it." You said putting your hand up to his chest to stop him in his tracks.

"What if it's a creep?"

"Felix. It's fine."

"There was already a camera in here."

You rolled your eyes and opened the door. It was just a staff member bringing your extra luggage. You thanked him with a bow and started taking out some of your luggage. Meanwhile Felix checked all the mirrors for cameras and made sure everything was safe. 

Your parents then messaged you saying they were going to a meeting and you were free to roam around with Felix. Your face lit up. 

"Felix, Felix, Felix!" You said jumping up off the bed and over to him, your phone in hand. He turned to you. "My mom said we can go roam around as long as we stay near the hotel!" You basically jumped with excitement and Felix's face lit up as well. "But I'm kind of tired…" you said with disappointment.

"It's okay," Felix said as he put his strong, boney hands on your bare shoulders. "There's an ice cream shop just down the street from here. It's really good and the staff are always very friendly. After that we can come back here and relax until you want to sleep." 

You nodded and started getting ready. "Also your mother deposited $400 to your account." He said after he checked his phone while you brushed your hair and put cute clips in it. 

"Okay tell her I said thank you please," you said as you topped up your makeup. With that Felix started typing on his phone while still standing in the same spot as 5 minutes ago. You grabbed a purse out of your suitcase and pulled Felix out the door with you. You grabbed onto his arm with both of your arms. He guided you to the ice cream stand and you both had a wonderful time eating your ice cream. Felix got a reeses pieces flavor and you got (flavor of choice) as you walked down the street in the dim lights finishing off your ice cream you looked at Felix. His cute freckles scattered across his face, his wavy hair so effortlessly perfect, his eyes big and pure, full of wonder, his puffy lips shaped like that of a chick, his eyebrows dark and sharp, his jawline handsome and fair. As you were admiring his every feature he looked down at you and your eyes instantly shot away. His little beak lips formed a smile before going back to his ice cream. 

When you arrived at the hotel to sleep for the night you realized, there's only one bed! 

Felix had previously set his things on the cushioned bench by the window so he started heading for that. He was adjusting the pillows when you stopped. 

"Sleep on the bed tonight, it's okay!" You said putting your hand on his back. 

"No, no, you take the bed."

"No, I insist you use it tonight."

"No, I insist." You bickered back and forth.

"How about we both just use the bed?" You said crossing your arms as you awaited his response. 

"As long as you don't mind sharing." He said as he dragged his things over to the nightstand. You went to the washroom and changed your clothes while you were in there. Meanwhile, without you knowing, Felix was also getting changed. You stepped out of the bathroom in your cute short pajamas to find Felix shirtless with his fly undone, a shirt in between his arms being prepared to be put on. You gawked at the sight before you caught his eyes on you. 

"S-sorry!" You jumped and turned around, covering your eyes. Felix just laughed.

"Sorry, I'm used to having just guys around…" he said as he continued to change without your eyes staring him down. 

"That's understandable, I almost did the same!" You said as you rolled on your heels. The sound of his belt and pants hitting the floor making your cheeks heat up.

"Perhaps it's because, I feel comfortable around you…" he muttered as he put on some shorts. 

"I feel the same." You smiled "I'm glad you feel comfortable with me and I hope you keep these feelings!" You said before turning around to see him heading for the left side of the bed. Felix smiled and you two started chatting about your experiences with each other. First impressions, embarrassing moments, close calls etc. 

Eventually you got tired and turned out the lights. Hours later you still lay awake looking out the window at all the city lights lighting up the midnight sky. 

"Can't sleep?" Felix asked in a deep voice.

"Nope." You sighed. "You should focus on sleeping instead of me,"

"But it's my job," Felix chuckled. 

"That power kick you did earlier was dope." You giggled to yourself.

"Haha, just doing my job!" He laughed. 

"Still, every time you do that I get more and more impressed." You smiled as you rolled over to look at him, his eyes already on you. 

"Do you know what the plan for tomorrow is?" He asked with pink dusting over his cheeks.

"Nope." You said with a light roll of your eyes.

"Either way we should get some sleep. Goodnight, princess," he said as he rolled back over to face the wall. Your cheeks were hot and the butterflies in your tummy were going insane at his choice of words.

[rintarousgirl]

i wanna be yours -- 8. 505

✦ - Y/N is a small business owner, offering her services not only as a designer but an at-home makeup artist and cosmetic producer as well. She's perfectly content with her small life when she's approached by the manager of the INARIZAKI band, asking for her to fill the position of backstage artist on short notice. Needing the money, and wanting the experience, Y/N agrees. Little does she know of the fatal attraction she will share with the band's lead, Suna Rintarou.

a/n: so, this is late ik, but i was writing a fic on ao3 so LMAO priorities ig. i have literally no other excuse than that and i am so sorry. it's also my best friend's birthday week, so ive been running ragged trying to plan her birthday. i hope this doesn't seem too rushed and short, i just really wanted to give y'all smth.

When you see Rintarou again, he kisses you.

You reciprocate, of course, but when his hand drifts down your side, you push him back lightly. He steps away immediately, hands by his side in surrender.

"What's wrong?" he asks softly, but he doesn't touch you. You take in a deep breath, hands tightening on your purse strap.

"We moved too fast. Like, way too fast the other night. We...we need to have a conversation. Not over the phone," you explain calmly, eyes glued to his neck. The bruising had mostly faded, but there's still an obvious discoloration staining his pale skin.

Rintarou licks his lips and rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah, let's go upstairs."

You follow him silently through his house, and the two of you come to the same sunken-in living room you'd been sitting in last week. You sit facing each other, your knees tucked beneath you. You reach out and grab his hands, thumbs running over each vein on his forearm in an attempt to soothe him.

"Going into this, I thought I was going to take it slow," you admit softly, looking up to him. His full attention is on you, and you feel your confidence shrink under the gaze of his hazel eyes. "I didn't, clearly, and you were right when you said you didn't want to mess this--us up. I don't want too either. So, we really have to take it slow, despite it all."

Rintarou nods. "There are...a lot of things that could go wrong if we don't." You hum, leaning into the plush fabric of the couch.

"I agree. And I don't want to force you into things, especially if they make you so uncomfortable but...communication is key and how am I supposed to learn what I'm not supposed to do if you never tell me what happened between you and Kiyoko?"

He clearly wasn't expecting it, seeing as his hands twitch in your hold and his eyes go wide. He almost pulls back, but then his fingers curl into his palms and he closes his eyes. "You're right."

"I'm all ears," you whisper, and Rintarou's voice drips with hurt as he begins to share the story not only you had been curious of, but thousands of fans had been too.

"Kiyoko Shimizu was the makeup artist before you. Brilliant at her job, and such a caring person. Kind of like you. I fucked up with her. I wouldn't say there were...romantic feelings between us, but I did care for her a lot more than I reasonably should've for just another friends with benefits situation."

You let the lead settle in your throat, and doubts begin to flood your mind. Were you just a Kiyoko replacement in more senses than one? Were you supposed to be another heartless fuck to Rintarou? You bite down on your tongue to keep down your questions and let him continue.

"It went on for a while, I think it was almost a year. Yeah, about. We weren't exclusive or anything, so I wasn't upset that she met other people. Actually, I encouraged her to date others, because I knew she deserved better than a quickie in a dressing room."

Your brain kind of lagged. Had Kiyoko sought out other men, while actively having sex with Rintarou? Did she stop fucking him if she decided to go on a second date? There were so many minor questions that made your head spin. A sick part of you also tried to imagine them, sharing secret smiles and touches under the table. You quickly shake away that thought.

"Two months ago, Kiyoko was offered a job in the States with a performance company. Very famous. She'd do good there on a team of artists, and she wouldn't be over-working herself. She's probably putting makeup on famous artists as we speak, actually."

You knew Kiyoko was good, you'd be stupid not to. You weren't directly involved with all the drama surrounding makeup artists before joining the band, but you had heard her name. She was known for her signature smokey eye, and talent to apply "messy" makeup that didn't run during performances. Very good for bands with...a more sexual appeal.

"She didn't want to take the opportunity, or at least, she told us she didn't, but we all knew she did. She just didn't want to feel like she was 'betraying' us or something. Eventually, Kita just emailed the company back for her and sent her off, I guess. He was always looking out for her best interests, like he does for you."

It almost made you smile. You knew Kiyoko was nice, she was friends with Yachi after all, but it still had you thinking. She wasn't going to take the opportunity of a lifetime, because she didn't want to leave some silly boys? ... Would you end up like that too? Would you jeopardize your future?

Rintarou hand drags down his face, and your own hands settle uncomfortably in your lap.

"I didn't like her...not like I like you. I like you a lot more, Y/N," you blushed, and you could tell what he meant, under those awkward heavy words was a sweet 'i love you'. "But I still cared for her, deeply. I wanted the best for her, but it still hurt. For a while, she was my best friend, and I know it wasn't her choice to leave, necessarily, but she left, and she never looked back."

Your head rose, confusion clear on your face. With furrowed brows, you ask, "She...never called or anything?"

Rintarou shrugs. "She did the first few times, to let us know she was settled in but then she never called again. She's come back and visited her other friends, I know that, but she hasn't said a word to any of us. I...I can't help but think it's because of me, in some way."

His eyes are a bit wet, and you know he's trying to hide a lot of how he feels. You cup his face, rubbing beneath his eye and catching a tear on the pad of your thumb.

"It's okay to cry. You have the right to be upset. I don't know...why she stopped talking to you, but I'm sure she has her reasons. However questionable they may be. But I'm here now, and I don't want to be a replacement. I'm Y/N, not Kiyoko."

He groans, burying his face in your palm. He lets out a wet shaky breath against your hand, hands gripping your wrist. "I-I know you're different. I don't want you thinking you aren't," he lifts his head, hazel eyes finding yours and searching for something, "I don't want to lose you. Ever."

"You won't," you say, "we just gotta play our cards right."

<- previous | next -> | masterlist

★ - kenma isn't a "tsundere" or anything, in my head, he's just not good with words and regrets what he says as soon as he texts it

★ - rintarou and you end up watching a movie together, so that's when you begin texting your friends

★ - kiyoko lore !! i am genuinely so sorry. you all prolly like hate me for this chapter being so lame for having such a big "reveal" or smth idk, but i have just been Burnt Out but this was the deal-breaker chapter and i promise you there will be more with her over the finale

✦ - Y/N is a small business owner, offering her services not only as a designer but an at-home makeup artist and cosmetic producer as well. She's perfectly content with her small life when she's approached by the manager of the INARIZAKI band, asking for her to fill the position of backstage artist on short notice. Needing the money, and wanting the experience, Y/N agrees. Little does she know of the fatal attraction she will share with the band's lead, Suna Rintarou.

taglist:

@mannaornot \ @gojoscumslut \ @sunarots \ @alienvarmint \ @tojirin \ @tkooooop \ @cheriesdear \ @shotenvinsoot \ @wolffmaiden \ @riiceandsoup \ @thebrownemo \ @vivian-555 \ @effmigentlywithachainsaw \ @rukia-uchiha-98 \ @weird0o0 \ @seiamor \ @rory-cakes \ @blue-violin \ @reveusecherie \ @hellokittylover9 \ @yourlocal-bunny \ @keniza \ @cerberuspuppy1 \ @baramii \ @kirbyscreeper \ @rioiio \ @noideawhothatis \ @ris-krispie \ @noideawhothatis \ @venusinx \ @arminseas \

[yb-cringe]

alright wybie here's a free ask to talk my ear off about fitpac GO

this is like a trap isnt it ih gos ok yea

the thing that gets me abt fitpac is that its not that deep. and i dont mean that in an insulting way or that their impacts on one another arent expansive and hugely helpful but i mean it in that like. theres no catch. i love spiderbit for their complexity i love fitpac for their simple, slow, love

that by no means is me insinuating its not got its edges though. theyre just. sweet.

i think both of them have a lot of trauma when it comes to imprisonment and just general fear for their lives and while that could be said for a lot of people on the server i think whats important is that they’ve recognized that in each other? or at least fit has from what ive seen

and pac (and mike tbf) need a constant right now. things are crazy people are disappearinf theres no stability but they can always trust that fit will be there and he will listen and more importantly that he SEES them and will defend them

i think my thoughts abt them boil down to ‘pac needs consistency. a solid rock. he needs a recognizable pattern that doesnt change so he can have a safety net’ and ‘fit spent so long in survival he doesnt know how to just Live and he needs someone to be patient with him’

and its not easy for Either of them especially right fucking now. whats happened is that fit is trying to be the solid foundation for a bunch of people and its wearing him thin. and pac is just speedrunning traumas.

god the babysteps thing will forever be imprinted on the back of my eyes tho. like yeah fit needs to go rly fucking slow. hes a traumatized single father and hes fucking cautious about everything. always has been. letting someone into his life and giving them space in his heart is a big fucking deal. he just cannot afford to make that choice lightly. hell even ramón had to be patient for a bit

whats the fuckin saying like. fell first but he fell harder? wheres the ‘he fell first but didnt wanna think about it until he accepted it at which point he fell so fucking hard it would ruin him to lose it’ thats qfit. he literallt cannot even say the words date or romance or love or wven really Like in a romantic context about pac because shit will get too real and he needs to go slow rven if he has to FORCE HIMSELF to move slowly.

gkd i dont even know where to start with pac. he needs consistency so bad. and mike was that- mike IS that. pac is someone who needs company he needs someone to be near especially lately after his whole kidnapping thing where he was alone in that fuckin room after whatever they did to him—

hes been through so much shit and he just needs someone to stay- someone to turn to and know he’s got slmeone on his side. like pac in his own right is sort of paranoid —not the kind of way he has been recently though.

but like if you had to force tazercraft into designations of head and heart, pac would be the mind and mike would be the heart. pac is thinking ahead, he’s trying to force himself to move on because he knows mike wont, he’s trying to avoid doing things too crazy to keep them off the radar— he’s keeping them out of trouble when he can remember to.

not to say hes not chaotic and passionate in his own right but yknow. comparisons. but hes a thinker yjnow he plans for the future and if he doesnt have someone to be his safety net he fucking panics and doesnt do things he wants to because he’s worried about being caught out alone without any support

all of this to say that he doesnt Really think of romance more then Fun because he needs safety nets first. which is also kind of why the moving slow thing works for him because he’s definitely not going to realize how in deep he is like love wise until its too late. and he probablt cant even fuckin risk it right now considering yhh like Everything going on.

[swamp-spirit]

Got tagged by @redhoodinternaldialectical

My word is ENOCH, so the prompt is to go through a WIP file to find paragraphs starting with those letters and share a snipper. Enjoy some previews from my Superhero Thesis Novel and a junky xeno space lesbian romance.

Even talking was too loud.

“I’ll do her make-up with a little extra foundation and she’ll look fine,” Liz said. “You know I’m a miracle worker.”

She really was. When corporate realized there wasn’t a single professional make-up artist in all of Northern Nevada that could do dark skin who hadn’t already moved to Vegas, Liz was recruited off her social media make-up tutorials, and Sara had been nervous. Liz was a fan, and fans tended to be disappointed when their heroes were people, but she’d been…

She’d been a good friend, really. That was hard to find for heroes. You could only give your secret identity outside the industry if you were married, which meant lying a lot, but Liz hung out with her on days off and had her back at work. Kim could well get Liz fired, but Liz was confident in her skill.

The dehydration was too bad to sleep, but she wasn’t up for audiobooks or music, so she just lay back, wishing the roads were smoother. Maybe Bloom could campaign against potholes.

The IV was finally starting to kick in when her tablet buzzed.

“Fire. It’s an all hands,” Sara said, sitting up. “And Kim, before you say anything, we still have three hours before the shoot, and we can tell them we’ll be a little late due to the huge fucking fire, okay? Because if it gets out everyone else was saving homes and I was advertising strawberry milk, they’ll crucify me.”

Nexus was the only planet in the system where aliens were common, and even then, it was usually Batk-Hy. She’d never seen an alien in person. Humans were famous for their unprotected skin. Their name translated to ‘a bare heart under armor’, something that could refer to the contrast between their brutal and affectionate reputations or provide helpful instructions for killing them.

What did a sentient creature with no fur or scales look like in person? Were they slimy like exposed muscle or dry like sandstone?

“It is my honor to meet you all. I have been kindly granted the name Mist-Rolling-in-Across-the-Harbor. My shortname is to be ‘Harbor’.”

The human’s accent was perfect. Their voice was a bit odd, and she finally looked over to see if it had a throat injury.

Oh. Of course. Its voicebox wouldn’t be flexible enough to talk properly.

It was small, only up to Dawn’s shoulder, and without the armor she’d seen in pictures. It was dressed for the local heat in light cloth. The skin didn’t look slimy or dry; it looked like soft fabric.

Once Dawn was safely married out… it would be a relief to be an orphan. She would no longer be asked to be a spy to her own mate. She could forget her past and make a better life with her new family, raise her children with affection and gentleness. If she didn’t like the family she married into, she’d be free to divorce, take anyone or no one as her mate, go to another planet. Go to another Solar System where House Mist meant nothing.

If Harbor tried to kill her, however, she was screwed. Killing Dawn was as easy as turning off her heater on a cold night.

Well, if Uncle Close didn’t know how to win a human’s loyalty, Dawn would have to learn how to do it right. She didn’t need a loyal tool. She just needed, if Harbor ever realized how many of her problems could be solved with murder, not to be one of those problems.

"Course. How’s your day going?”

Listening to her complain about office politics was a nice break from hero stuff. He’d been seeing too much of the kind of stuff nobody filmed. Grieving loved ones, hecklers and catcallers nearly every time they got out of the car, and the slow realization that Derby was maybe not stable enough to keep herself safe in the field. People admired her work ethic, but, from close up, Drew thought it looked more like compulsion.

Derby slept two hours, but she woke up to the emergency alarm. 

“Shit,” she said. “Shit fuck. Villain punched out a support column on a hotel. We’ve got a lot of people injured. We need to go.”

She leaned toward, like she could make the car run on her own energy.

He’d seen the AYMU building downtown. AYMU’s hero office was a shining tower you could see from blocks away, the logo across the eighth floor daring a villain to attack. Drew knew most hero offices were non-descript. He was pretty sure daisy heroics operated out of a coffee shop downtown.

The office his GPS had taken him to was ugly, a squat, brown thing from the seventies with a few decorative plants barely hanging on to life. Drew stepped through the sliding doors onto yellow-brown carpet, worn down the center and coming up at the edges. He was still half hoping for this to be a front, but instead of pressing in a code and taking the elevator down into a lair, he was shown into a meeting room with foam cups and stale coffee. The woman across from him, Joanne, was small and professional. She handed him stacks of documents to sign.

Kicking it forward to @lebirbybitch @19cats-and-counting @esseastri @abalidoth if they want to play. Your word is REMAIN,

[walnutcookie]

CAN I HEAR ABT YOU TSP X COOKIE RUN AU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS

AUAUUAHWOWHAOHDKF THMAKYOU SO MUCHH FOR THIS ASK /GEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IVE BEEN BRAINROTTINF OVER THIS AU .....

i dont know what to talk about specifically so BLEHHH WORD VOMIT TIME💥💥💥 ill try to seperate them into sections so its a liiiittle easier to read ?

sorry if this isnt written the best its late and im tired GZHDJBFF

Storykeeper

SO . The narrator in this au is timekeeper AKA storykeeper since. keeper of the story :]c shes like a mix of the tsp narrator and timekeeper where shes very dedicated to her story and gets worried about stanley sometimes but also she often gets BORED and enjoys to see stanley stray off the path and even encourages him to!!!

The Stanleys

these are the four stanleys

almond, walnut, roquefort, and cappuccino

sk just Plucked them out of a regular timeline and put them in her little story to watch them scurry around like rats in a maze. All of the stanleys are in completely different office buildings but in rare instances they collide and cause anomalies where two or more stanleys encounter each other which can cause a whole lot of confusion!! sk also puts them in the same office building for fun sometimes👍

sk is everywhere all at once so theyre able to monitor each stanley at the same time :] and to clarify just like canon tsp none of the stanleys can actually see her its more like a voice inside their head. The stanleys cannot talk although they can still think!! they cant communicate with storykeeper and she cant read their minds but they can communicate telepathically with each other if close enough

ALSO all of them are just called stanley!!! sk had to give them different colored ties to differentiate them (now they look like tally hall/j). three of them are trans women and one is nonbinary but theyre all just. Misgendered since they are taking the role OF stanley (this is not fun for the stanleys but there is nothing they can do about it)

Almond

i like thinking about how all of the different stanleys act a lot. almond is the more Serious one who tries to follow every direction. Unfortunately after like the third time of getting the standard ending storykeeper gets bored and just Does things to him to try to get him to do something more interesting. This comes in the form of The Bucket when he starts hearing his daughters voice coming from it and becomes instantly very overprotective and attatched to it <3 he would do anything for that bucket.

even kill.

sk tells him that he has to kill cappuccino or else the bucket gets it and he does so Very enthusiastically!!! by choking him and bashing her head in with a dozen coffee mugs

but yeah. He obeys most commands :] sk thinks hes kind of bland but his dedication to that bucket is fascinating to her

Walnut

Walnut is VERY curious. A very interesting one indeed as she both obeys and disobeys sk depending on how appealing the options are to her!!!! literally all she wants to do is explore the offices she is going to check EVERY door handle and look in EVERY nook and cranny and crevice. she is going to examine every paper and sift through every desk. sk is very annoyed by this as it means that she is Slow as hell when actually going through the story but walnut tends to do some very unexpected things which is entertaining sometimes!!! In the end she is naturally drawn toward any sort of mystery so she can be persuaded to give up exploring so that she can solve it faster :]c

although she starts to become a little uneasy wandering through the seemingly endless building without a single other soul in sight and thus she is also given The Bucket!! it reminds her of her mother and she carries it around because she feels protected and not so alone :)

Roquefort

Roquefort is by far the most entertaining to storykeeper. they are absolutely unpredictable and they manage to find every single choice that wasnt intended to be possible!!! sk cant even be upset because she is FASCINATED by them. it gets to a point where she just creates new scenarios for them just to see what theyd do and she is very entertained by how they manage to surprise them every time

roquefort is also offered a bucket though refuses it. and then it appears in the next room. and the next. and Oh god they are TERRIFIED of that bucket because it keeps FOLLOWING them. they cannot stand it. they want it gone

Cappuccino

Cappuccino is basically the opposite of almond! girlie is so pissed that hes being told what to do all the time that she goes out of her way to do almost everything sk tells her NOT to do. storykeeper is infuriated by this at first but then sees the potential in it because it is VERY fun to use cappuccino as her own personal lab rat/stress ball and just! Do awful things to him!!! like have almond beat the shit out of him<3

he also is given a bucket but has the standard Attatchment to it as seen in tsp for no special reason other than its a bucket. Good way to make him do things!

OKAY thats all ill talk about for now but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK AGAIN!!!!<333 thiz was so fun to type it made me so happy auauaua,,, if anyone has any further questions id be happy to answer ! :3

[pallases]

hi leigh!! i hope you're well :) saw your post with asks and decided i would combine lots of them lol so first thing is tell me abt whatever's bothering you!! i hope nothing's bothering you obv but still.

also i am asking you for book recs. i haven't been reading a lot of proper books lately so any recs are welcome but i kind of feel like some fantasy would do me good. but like good ones? The last couple of years i've been picking up some popular fantasy standalones hoping they feel like a fantasy book you read when you're twelve and they end up being the most mid thing i've ever read. like help. i'm planning to read some robin hobb books so hopefully they're good.

also i've started listening to mitski (talk about being late lol) and i'm really liking her songs i was wondering if you have any particular recs? Or any music recs? what've you been listening to?

sorry this ask is all over the place lol i guess i'm chatty today. i hope you're having an amazing day!! <3<333

ORLA!!!! i hope you are doing well too <3 one thing that is bothering me is school is starting again bc i have gotten virtually no break </3 also that apparently the english class i’m taking doesn’t have any required books i was looking forward to reading actual books not whatever mini readings ig they’re going to be giving us instead ☹️ also also that i did Not in fact get my license like planned this summer bc during the singular week i was home a bunch of stuff suddenly came up and it became no longer my priority and now i will need to renew my permit Again bc it expires in early september and im not going to be able to make it home before that so. <3

as for book recs!! i have tragically had the same problem lately re fantasy books and honestly mostly just books in general BUT i don’t know if you’ve read any ve schwab ive really loved what books of hers ive read. vicious was my favorite, but the monsters of verity duology better fits the “feels like a fantasy book you read when you’re twelve” vibe!

for non-fantasy recs if youre feeling poetry i reallyy liked margaret atwood’s morning in the burned house. also just finished hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy which was v fun! got many laughs out of me, i did not however know before starting it that it’s a series so now idk how to proceed bc i only have the first book agdjfk

OH ALSO fantasy shoutout to strange the dreamer duology 🫶🏻🫶🏻 lovely writing style and world, fascinating antagonist, i was not a big fan of the romance but otherwise big rec on that. definitely not for everyone tho some ppl find the pacing too slow, i remember when i first read it i mentioned that in my review too that it took a bit for me to really get into although i personally wasn’t bored in the meantime like others, i was just chilling enjoying what it had to tell me abt everything

MITSKI RECS!! i love strawberry blond sorry for being basic. square too but specifically square solo piano version which they took off of spotify (idk what you’re listening to her on). because dreaming costs money my dear is also a veryyy hard-hitting one. fond of circle, a burning hill, goodbye my danish sweetheart, nobody, washing machine heart, and class of 2013 as well. that was a lot i will stop now 🫡 also must admit i am quite behind on mitski’s recent releases so i can’t speak for any of her newer albums/songs. except for working for the knife musically it doesn’t hit as much as other songs of hers for me but lyrically it makes me go crazy

as for random music recs my most recently liked songs are unsweetened lemonade by amélie farren, army dreamers by kate bush, numb little bug by em beihold, would that i by hozier, the milk carton by madilyn mei, and comme des enfants by cœur de pirate. i have not really been “listening” listening to anything lately! though that will change in a few days with wisdom saga >:)

— sleepover saturday sunday!

[demadogs]

Hey! Can you rec your favourite snowbaz fics? I keep seeing some posts in between that mention them and i am curious of the names. (Also I know a lot of people in fandom who refused to read the other two books but pls give them a shot. Awtwb is my fav, even more than CO!!)

PS. Shoutout to you and @kidovna for being the only active snowbaz and byler fans i know of! I feel represented!

HELL YEAH I CAN!!!!!!! ive had people ask me for byler fic recs and i couldnt even give them an answer bc literally the only fanfiction i ever read is snowbaz. ive read maybe 4 byler fics total but i read snowbaz fics multiple times a week which is honestly crazy considering i first read the book like 7 years ago and im still wanting more content every day.

most of these arent that long bc i personally like to read something i can read in one sitting or at most 2-3 days. but if you do want a wholeass novel boy do i have an author for you (philaetos).

the wheel by sleepdeprivedphilosopher

this is one of my favorite fics ever and its also by one of my favorite authors. its an au but theres still magic. simon and baz are in this never ending cycle of constantly being reincarnated in a new life together. theyre always rivals and simon always ends up killing baz but every life the situation for why theyre rivals is different. (this isnt a spoiler you find out pretty soon) the reason for this is that the first time simon killed baz he begged fate, who is like an actual personified thing you can talk to, to give him another chance so she “spun the wheel” and allowed him to be able to have another chance every time he messes up and kills him. so theyve been reincarnated for like centuries. its so good that i wish it was a whole book with completely new characters. i hope this author some day actually write a novel like this i love the plot so fucking much. it kinda reminds me of the show dark which is my favorite show of all time.

do as your told by IL46

also one of my favorite authors. they havent posted that much but everything they have i LOVE!!!!!!!! this one is my favorite tho. simon accidentally curses baz with a compulsion spell that forces him to do whatever anyone tells him to do and they work together with penny to try and create a counter spell for this ancient illegal spell that has no current counter. bazs life is pretty much ruined and hes really going through it but simon helps him. lots of hurt/comfort. i really loved this one.

love alarm by nevergonnacallmedarling

my favorite kinds of snowbaz fics are ones with a spell gone wrong and this is one of those. someone casts a spell that makes everyone whos within ten feet of someone theyre in love with have an alarm go off in their heart announcing their love. so baz is fucked and hes avoiding simon at all costs its really fun (not for him).

kiss it better by krisrix

this one SLAPS simon gets slashed by a goblin in the leg and the only way baz could help is with the kiss it better spell but hes so scared to do it bc he has to kiss the wound and ya know vampire and all that. i love this one.

a room just for two by krisrix

another banger by this author. its just late night conversations between the two of them and they slowly become more and more friendly and open up to each other more and more.

dream with eyes open by krisrix

i love this author ok. this ones about simon invading baz’s dreams over the summer break with “psychological warfare”.

sweet dreams by annabellelux

simon has nightmares so baz casts sweet dreams on him every night but that just leads to simon having romantic dreams about baz.

dont hate the player hate the game by annabellelux

i fucking love truth or dare fics

and these are some much longer ones if thats more what youre looking for. i actually am all here for the slowburn and thats it so ngl to you i ditched both of philaetos’ fics after they kissed even tho theres was so much left but i still recommend it because the slow burn slaps.

wondrous and mystical by philaetos

i fucking LOVE philaetos theyre fantastic. this one takes place right after baz gets back from being kidnapped and it really explores his trauma bc the book really brushed over the fact that he was literally locked in a coffin for over a month. so this is simon and baz slowly becoming friends and simon noticing that somethings definitely wrong with baz. i also like fics where simon finds out baz is gay well before they get together and that happens in this one.

ours by phileatos

this one everythings the same but baz has extremely bad internalized homophobia. i havent seen any other fics that arent aus explore this concept and i wish more people wrote it its an interesting take. baz honestly reminds me of mike in this fic.

the truth will set you free by sorbriqette

another classic fucked up spell trope. baz is spelled to tell the truth if hes hiding something he wants to tell someone so naturally he avoids everyone at all costs for weeks

i could recommend so much more honestly there are so many talented writers in this fandom. about the second and third books, im glad you loved them but i honestly will probably never read them for the same reason as me not finishing philaetos’ fics. im here for the slow burn i really dont care about established relationship that much when it comes to enemies to lovers (friends to lovers i eat it up but enemies i just love the angst). and i know they break up in the second book and i just KNOW id put the book down the second they do and never pick it up again even tho i know they get back together eventually. i just think carry on was perfect and i dont want anything to risk ruining it.

[societysonlooker]

Listen I get hating tailgaters cause I hate them too, but just pull over and let them pass you ffs. I live in the middle of bumfuck nowwhere. There is 1 road in and out of town. It is a 50-55 mph road Except for the three one-mile stretches of Actual Towns (as in, a post office, a deli, maybe two or three other businesses). The road is curvy, and there are no passing lanes. It is a 25 miles stretch of road. We get a Lot of city-hailing eco tourists that dont actually know how to drive these kinds of roads especially at night. So, If I'm trying to get home at 11 at night and the road is Empty, and you are doing 35 mile's per fucking hour, TWENTY BELOW THE LIMIT, because you dont know what an End 30 sign means, I am GOING to line up behind you so fucking perfectly that my lights are in all of your mirrors. I won't even be that close to you! I am at least thirty feet behind. Youre just gonna fucking hate me and i hope you do. Get off the road. I want to go home and you shouldn't have a fucking license. This drive is NOT going to take an hour rather than 30 minutes because YOU don't know that both common courtesy and BEST PRACTICE DRIVING (as taught to me by BOTH state-licensed driving teachers ive had, one of whom was Hard Line "drive by the rules") is to pull tf over. If the tractors can do it, you can too motherfucker.

Do not get me started on people who don't pass tractors.

And here's the thing! You know WHY I don't get closer than 30 feet? Cause it's DANGEROUS. You know WHY you should pull over? Cause not everyone is a cranky researcher just trying to get home. There are street racers from the city who come out here for the "empty" roads. There is an alcoholic population in the double digits of our percentile. Every single person I went to highschool with had either seen a drink driving accident, been INVOLVED in one (hit my someone) or Personally Knew Someone involved in one. A lot of people aren't just pissed at you and trying to get you to pull over.

So if someone is tailgating you? pull over. Let them pass. Slowing down and agitating them is NOT worth the risk to your health if they keep driving so close behind you. Because even of you do it Slowly, they might not Notice the distance has gone from "yeah that'll show them" to "oh fuck I'm about to hit them" until it's Too Late. Especially if they're inebriated. If they are going to risk their neck speeding that's on them. Do not make the problem worse. They might be aggressive but you are instigating right back; and don't come after me for that logic because that's the EXACT logic behind "no fault" states like mine.

And here's the thing: if you don't want to pull over because there is a Line of cars behind you that you don't want to be stuck behind, ask yourself why that line is there. Are you just one car in a Much bigger line and this traffic is out if your control? My condolences. That sucks. Maybe gauge the situation and pull over anyway if you feel the driver behind you is a genuine risk to your safety.

But if there is no one in front of you, but a line of cars behind you? You are causing traffic and need to pull over. I literally could not care less if you're "just doing the speed limit" because you Probably Aren't. Either you misremembered/misread/misinterpreted a sign, or you missed a well-hidden sign indicating a speed limit change (even locals miss these! Especially new drivers and the elderly and double especially if it's spring/summer/fall and road signs are blocked by folliage! Or if you learned to drive these roads when the signs were blocked, and now in the winter when they're clear you stopped looking for them. I cannot begin to express to you just you how often that happens here. Personally, my experience with this means that when I'm driving somewhere new, if someone is tailgating me, I almost always let them pass me, and then i check the speed limit either with my gps or by looking for road signs. And usually? Guess what. Im doing the wrong speed).

But, ok, even if you are doing the limit, most people drive between the limit and about 5 mph over it, and when everyone is doing that, traffic flows normally and with an even dustribution, so its fine, and actually less dangerous than a High Traffic situation just 5mph slower. But You are going slower right now, and so You are causing the kind of traffic and conjestion that makes people act irrationally. And listen. I get it. "But the speed limit is there to keep people safe!" Youre right. It is. Velocity is far more important in collision equations than mass, and slowing speeds limits injuries on an exponential scale when accidents do happen. But right now, I don't think you know enough bad drivers, because speed is in no way shape or form everything about accidents. There are a LOT of other factors.

I have been in cars with people who terrified me so thoroughly that I made them pull over, sometimes by threatening to call the cops on them if they didnt pull over and let me or another friend drive. This has happened three times. And the thing was? Only one of them was actually speeding excessively. Amd, for reference, my father, a man with many qualities that should not be praised but whose driving I remain firmly neutral on (grab bag of really good learned skill and unnecessarily agressive behaviours), used to drive little me around doing 60 on 45 cutthroughs and 90 on 55mph highways. To top that, we're a motorcycle family and ive been riding passenger can it ik that not the term but these are my folks since i was twelve. For better or for worse, speed does not scare me. The people who DID scare me didn't scare me because of speed, they scared because of inattention, lack of control, and carelessness. Drifting side to side in their lane. Crossing lane lines. Crossing double yellows with oncoming traffic ahead. Merging without checking their mirrors while Being Passed By Other Cars, texting while driving and not realizing their speed is changing. Breaking almost too late. Hitting turns too fast and not having control. Hitting turns too fast on ice because they failrd to account for how it changes the road. THESE are the behaviors that get people into accidents. And while speeding can exponentially increase the Consequences of those accidents, preventing speeding doesn't actually prevent certain types of accidents, and personally, I'd rather that accident happen to a single speeding driver on a primarily empty stretch of road, where other drivers have time to react, slow down, and avoid becoming involved, than to have that driver hit three other cars from a line of traffic cause by a "Good Samaritan" who took it into their own hands to prevent speeding by Slowing Down In Front Of A Tailgater. Because either way, the accident happened, and maybe it was going to happen no matter what, or maybe it happened because no one was there to slow them down and make them realize their speed, or maybe it happened because the traffic irritated them and they got pissed off. Is that a defense for them? No, fuck that guy. But that's what happens, what happened, and no matter what, the traffic makes the outcome Worse. More people involved. More potential for secondary accidents. More harm to innocent casualties who were following or at least Mostly following best practices. And again, personally, I don't want three kids implicated in a massive accident when it could have been One adult making really bad decisions and facing the consequences themself.

This is also, mind you, not a hypothetical. We See this exact situation on our little town roads multiple times every year, and every year, we complain about too-slow city drivers causing traffic. And yes, of course we grieve when alcoholism and alcoholism culture leads yet another driver into hitting a tree or a deer or a guardrail at 80. Small town. Your sorrows are mine, and all that. We all probably knew the person, or knew someone who knew them. But when they hit a family's SUV we curse the driver without a seconds hesitation, because we know damn well they shouldnt have been doing what they were doing, and victim of cercumstance and addiction or not, someone who needed help or not, they caused a tragedy, and we pray for the family hurt because more often then not they dont make it out all alive and all healthy (for persoective, we've got multiple fundraisers every year for local kids who have been severely and even permanently dissabled by these kinds of accidents. There are four that my family goes to, and at least another three we can't ever make. And mind you, these are just the kids who's condition is severe enough to put the otherwise middle splash family into Crippling debt. The kind that means they can't care for their child).

And, more akin to my point, when these kinds of accidents happen because the family was doing 30 in a 50, or stuck in a line of traffic doing 30 in a 50, and the aggressive driver was doing 80 and didn't see them and thus couldnt respond until it was way too late, we rage at the fact that our road signs aren't fucking visible, because if that family had been doing the limit the accident probably wouldn't have literally crushed their car like a fucking soda can.

And mind you! This is not the family's fault. They were just doing their best and trying to be safe. But had they been doing the limit, had the road signs actuallu done their job, telling them that not only is the gently curving road ahead MORE than safe to do at 50 mph (because our roads are so wide, soeed limits are Below an actual "max safe speed" and more related to the population density, which, is cool. But os something ive found that only holds uo in rural communities), but to expect that other drivers will be doing 50, and that agressive bad drivers will probably be doing more than that, amd so to drive the limit to minimize harm, then the devastation might not have been as complete. Changing the difference in speed during a collision exponentially changes the difference in applied force, and in this case, changing that speed difference from 50 mph to 30 mph means a 400xpsi per pound difference in applied force. That kind of difference takes that car from a tin can full of broken necks to those smashed up "they survived" Subaru comercial SUVs.

(And before you say it, yes the community hates that these signs aren't visible (at least, those of us that know theyre there). We ask for then to be moved or cleaned up Every Year, and every year it's ignored in favor of literally anything else. They replace roads with no pot holes before they move signs, and the "reasons" are always shitty beaurocratic ones about private property and property rights)

Can you tell I've got a lot of feelings about driving?

The reality of driving is a lot more complicated than dmv approved "good driving vs bad driving" because actual good driving is about keeping yourself and others safe on the roads. And, as much as it might suck, that's gonna mean acknowledging that bad drivers exist, and doing what you cab to minimize the Damage of their behaviour, rather than trying to minimize the behavior.

The sollution to tailgaters and extreme (20mph+ over limit) speeders and innatentive and Dangerous drivers isn't to take law enforcement into your own hands and drive slower. It's not going to change the behaviour. It's going to piss them off. The sollution is increasing the requirements and drivers education level necessary to drive a car. It's for there to be government funding for these programs and tax bracket scholarships for this education so that this system doesn't disproproportionately affect people in poverty, who are already going to have enough difficulties with our car-centric system as is. The sollution involves legislation and income- based sliding scale speeding tickets. It's finding better ways to prevent inebriated driving, and no, I don't have the answers to that, cause all the answers I can think of are actually kinda ableist, which means I probably shouldn't be the person designing this.

I know this was a long read, but if nothing else:

TL;DR: Pull over. Let people pass you. Preserve your own health, the health of others, brush up on what road signs in your state actually mean, and for the love of the people, contact your local reps and maybe your highway dpt if you have concerns about your local roadways.

(And, on the off chance you have a street sign on your property, I dont care how lovely your bushes and trees are, prune them back so the sign is visible 100-200 feet down the road).

favorite hobby when I'm driving is to catch someone trying to climb up my back bumper while I'm going a completely reasonable speed and just slowly take my foot off the gas. you seem upset, brother. why don't we slow down and enjoy the view awhile

[mango-bango-bby]

♡ Be My Valentine? ♡

(A/N: Happy Valentines Day, darlings!!! I hope you all have a lovely Valentines Day. And if you don’t have a valentine, then i’ll be your valentine 💖🌹 I hope you all enjoy this!! I made it just fluffy because my last years Valentines Day fic was smut!! Also I hope you all like the special banner I made for this, ive been editing things a bit more lately 🥺👉👈)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, tooth-rottingly sweet, online!darling, mentions of stalking

Summary: Tomura finally meets you in person with a date on Valentines Day (Yan!Shigaraki x GN!reader)

Masterlist ➸ ♡

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Tomura never cared for Valentine’s Day. It was all just stupid romance movies, candy sales, and couples. It was honestly just another day to him. He never expected to be waiting for someone to show up to a date, especially on Valentine’s Day.

He absentmindedly scrolls on his phone, although he was really just going through your and his texts. You had both met while he was playing an online game. You friended him after playing in a game with him, and you just kept messaging him. You just wanted to befriend him even if he seemed annoyed or didn’t talk much at first.

Although he’s so glad you were so persistent in talking to him, because Tomura fell so deeply in love with you. And luckily for him, you seemed to love him too. At least you liked him enough to make the first move. You asked him out. You asked him to be your Valentine. This was in fact your first date, unless you count the virtual ones in Animal Crossing as real dates.

Tomura stops his scrolling and flinches slightly at a soft tap on his shoulder. “Excuse me? Are you Tomura?” You say, your voice being clear now instead of slightly grainy like in the many voice calls you two have had. Tomura turns around to face you and is almost taken aback by how beautiful you are in person.

He’s seen you through video calls before and you had seen him too. But you were even more beautiful in person which he didn’t even think was possible! The room he  was in when you called was always fairly dark too so he could kind of hide himself, fearing your rejection.

“Yeah, that’s me” He mumbles, seeing you smile. His face is red immediately because you grab his hands before speaking. “It’s so nice to finally meet you in person!” You say, watching him nod in agreeance. You never seemed to mind that he wasn’t as talkative as you, he was glad for that. He was speechless at the moment, he doesn’t know why someone so perfect like you would be interested in him.

“It’s nice to meet you too” Tomura says, his voice raspy. Your hands are so soft, he thinks as you let go of one of his hands but still hold the other. He can feel himself keeping his finger tips away from you, fearing that he could dust you at any moment. You don’t know about his quirk though and surprisingly you don’t know about him being a villain.

“Mhm! I choose this mall because I come here I lot! I though we could go to the arcade together” You say happily, swinging his hand in yours as you start to drag him to your favorite arcade with you. You thought it would be a nice date to go play some games at the arcade.

You two play a couple of games together before you get stuck on trying to get a certain rabbit stuffed animal from a UFO catcher. You keep trying and trying before Tomura puts his hand over yours on the lever, moving your hand out of the way so he can try.

“You’re doing it wrong. You have to press the button a bit early on these kinds” Tomura says, glancing at your sparkling eyes as the claw in the machine grabs the rabbit and drops it so you can get it.

“Thank you so much” you smile, holding the rabbit stuffed animal in your arms. Tomura mumbles a bit at your thanks. You smile for a moment before reaching up and grabbing the bottom of the hood of his hoodie. Before he could ask what you were doing, you pulled him down to you and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

It was only for a moment but to Tomura it almost felt in slow motion. All he could feel was your soft lips against his skin. As fast as you had done it, you let go of him. Changing the topic as if nothing had happened and suggesting that you two should get some boba.

Tomura really didn’t care about Valentines Day before, but he did now. Only because he was able to share it with you. He just knows that you two need to be together forever, to love each other and Tomura would love to spend another Valentines Day with you. Every single one for the rest of time with you.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, darling!!

[theunholygrails]

Foolish Games Part 2

Masterlist

A/N: Introducing new characters and some drama! Percy is still sexy as ever :'(.

Warnings: BJ

I woke up to a door slamming so hard it joined the symphony of my pounding headache. I groaned, hoisting myself over the back of the couch to investigate to intrusion. A brunette head of long sweeping hair rushed through the foyer, barreling towards the kitchen. A familiar mop of black hair hurried after.

Reyna was speaking so fast in Spanish my brain scrambled to keep up. I noted lots of curse words followed by a series of sentences too fast I was surprised she even knew what she was saying. Percy was answering in slow measured words, probably fighting a hangover of equal measure. I ducked behind the back of the couch, reaching for my phone plugged in on the coffee table.

It was noon. 2% battery and a couple messages from friends. Nothing from my ex thank gods. Five from Annabeth being nosey. I opened my uber app, squinting in the sunlight breaking through the cream curtains. I managed to get my driver secured.

A door slammed and I winced, peaking to check that they were in another room. I did not immediately spot my dress in the chaotic. I grimaced remembering the midnight swim. When I sat up I finally noticed the white tshirt I wore and the basketball shorts. And then I went rigid remembering what happened after the swim.

“Motherfucker,” I whispered.

Now I really had to get out of this house. I checked the arrival time of my driver. Three minutes away. Great. I made my way on shaky knees to the large wooden front door. My keys were still in the collection dish. I grabbed them quietly and turned the door handle a fraction of an inch before another door slammed open and Reyna came barreling back into the foyer, brown eyes landing promptly on my guilty ass. Behind her, Percy pursed his lips into a thin line and raised both of his hands to lay on top of his head. His biceps strained nicely against the thin t shirt.

“The fuck is this?” Reyna whispered.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I babbled.

“It’s just Noa, Rey. Gods,” Percy said.

“I can see that, Percy!” She snapped. I was glad her spear was not strapped across her back this morning. “Why is she sneaking out of my house in your clothes?”

“People were swimming last night. Her clothes got wet.”

“I’m sure the fuck they did.”

“Zeus, Rey! You ended it with me. Why does it even matter?”

“Because I still fucking love you! I’m sorry, okay?” She burst out crying and Percy instantly pulled her against his chest. The memory of being in those arms drove me out the door like a nest of hornets.

~~~~

“I’m just saying. You have nothing to feel sorry for,” Annabeth paused to sip her iced coffee. “Unless they get back together and then you sleep with him. But as of right now, you’re good. Trust me. Been on the Percy train. We’re still friends. You’ll get over it. Just a harmless rebound for both of you.”

I groaned, laying my chin on the cool metal table parked outside our favorite coffee shop positioned between our New York apartments. Just two Manhattan women enjoying their Sunday afternoon. The air was cooling as fall neared. I pulled my baseball cap closer to the top of my sunglasses.

“Should I call him?”

“Maybe tomorrow. Let him deal with his relationship drama. Reyna is a lot to deal with. Still nothing from fuckface?”

“Nope and that’s fine.”

“Good for you. We will hydrate you, get you a good dinner, hit the gym before work in the morning and then get back on our bad bitch mental track. Agreed?”

~~~~

“Good Monday, yogis,” I chirped from my desk at the corner of my studio.

The third class was beginning to trickle in and I was settling into my rhythm. Hot yoga was next and hopefully I would sweat out all the negativity I’d allowed lately. I was in the middle of emailing back a potential client when someone rapped at the wood of my desk. I glanced up to a blonde male who waved gently.

“Heya, sansei Noa,” he said.

“That’s karate. Can I help you?”

“Do you do trial classes?”

I hit send on my email and closed my laptop. The guy was built like a poser with the defined muscles and chiseled jaw but his voice was soft and tempered. He was clean shaven and dressed like a basic gym bro.

“Normally you have to schedule them beforehand because of class size,” I gave my standard answer.

“Right, my bad. Sorry. I was just passing by the front and it looked like the kind of place I needed right now. Can I go ahead and pick a date then?”

I was staring too long into his pale blue eyes, honed in on the polite response. A nice change from the daily demanding consumers. “You know what? Ive got space right now if you like? Have you ever done hot yoga?”

A brilliant white smile showcasing sharp canines. “My favorite.”

“Perfect. I just need a name, number and email to get you a file started.”

He leaned large hands on my desk. “It’s Luke Castellan.”

Before he could give the contact information, I cut him off. “Wait. I know you.” His tanned skin paled significantly.

“I…”

“You’re supposed to be dead!” I blurted out.

His eyes skated around the room and he leaned in closer. “That’s not supposed to be public knowledge. I assume you’re a demigod?”

“Luke, you trained me. We took fucking sculpting together. The Apollo table was right next to the Hermes one for fuck’s sake.”

He winced. I heard a murmuring from the rest of my class I was disturbing with my volume. I collected my shock finally. “Take a seat if you want. We should talk after class. I need to start.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry Noa.”

I waved him off and walked over to my yoga mat. I sat cross legged and drew in an even breath to smooth out my emotions.

It was a slow 30 minute class. Each pose and movement dragged on. Finally, I dismissed the group and nodded Luke outside. He was waiting on the bench outside of the studio I split renting with a few other instructors. I sat next to him, wiping sweat from my face with the towel slung over my pink sports bra.

“Alright, talk,” I said.

“Not much to say. I was given a second chance at my hearing. Here I am. Starting over.” A shrug of well-defined shoulders. The muscles flexed beneath his gleaming sweat. His red tank top stuck to his chest and stomach. “I wish I remembered you, truly. That time is such a blur in my life.”

“It’s ok. You were a lot older than me and to be honest I had a massive crush on you so I probably hid most of the time.”

A surprised smile slipped across his lips. “I’m assuming the betrayal helped you get over that?”

I laughed outloud, slapping his knee. “No shit! So where are you staying these days?”

“Just around the corner actually. Got a job at the local gym.”

“Yeah I bet the fuck you did.” I squeezed his forearm between both of my hands. I wanted to roll my eyes at me falling back into my school girl giddy at him. Betrayal of the gods aside. He was even more gorgeous than ever. The scar down his face gave him a dark sexy vibe. Like a bad boy even though he claimed he was rehabbing himself now.

“So how, did you feel about the class?”

“I mean, I’d like to sign up for it a couple times a week, that’s for sure. And I’d like to take you out to dinner to make up for not remembering a beauty like you.”

I almost bit my cheek biting out the response of “Yes!”

“You’ve got my number,” he said, chuckling quietly. “I’ve got to get to work.” He shouldered his gym bag and excused himself.

The bike back to my apartment was spent reliving my tween fantasies about bad boy Luke. I opened my apartment door and screeched seeing a man sitting at my kitchen counter. Percy turned to face me.

“You know you live in New York? You should really lock that.”

“It was!” I snapped.

A quick grin. “Yeah. But it was easy to break into.”

I dropped my bag onto the floor and brushed past him to get a protein shake from the fridge. “I have to shower and get prepared for my night classes.” I told him.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”

He paused, studying my face in the shitty lighting of the single bulb hanging between us over the counter. “Are we good, Noa?”

“Of course. What’s a little head between friends?”

“Okay…I can’t read you. Can you not play tough just for a minute?”

I chugged the shake and set the bottle down between us. I leaned my arms on the chilled counter, bun knocking against the light. “Honestly, Percy. I’m fine. We are good.”

“Reyna moved back in.”

“You’re engaged again?”

I drank from the empty bottle to give myself something to do. He watched me with those green eyes. He’d known me for far too long. He was nearly impossible to deceive, but I was determined today. The fact that I had dreamt of fucking him two consecutive nights was irrelevant if he was off the table. Even if his lips did look incredibly juicy tonight. Even if they had done near illicit things to me just nights ago.

“I don’t know. She said she wanted to work on things. And it’s her dad’s house, so I can’t ask her to go and I don’t want to go to my mom’s and admit defeat.”

“You know you could stay here, Perc.”

He worked his jaw silently, then rubbed his hands over his face. “Thanks. I do know. Even if we aren’t officially back together, I think we should work on it…” he trailed off.

“And not tell her about you eating me out?” I leaned closer because I was mean to both him and myself. Because I knew this top combined with this angle gave him a simple opportunity. And he took it.

His tongue slid out between his lips as his eyes flicked down, stayed, then dragged deliberately back up. “Probably not,” he agreed.

For a long moment neither of us said anything. He had more to lose now than me. We were no longer on equal playing fields. So, I left the ball in his court. “I’m going to go shower.”

I was done washing in the first ten minutes. The second ten was giving him a little wiggle room to decide. I had my hand on the faucet to cut off the water that was beginning to go cold when I heard the door creak open. I watched through the fogged glass, catching a hold of my breath. I watched as he tugged his shirt off. My stomach flipped over itself when he reached for his jeans. What had I done?

The opening door let in a rush of cool air, perking my skin to attention. My eyes raked unapologetically over his naked, aroused body. His dark hair quickly slicked against his stubble covered jaw. His eyes were no longer the sea green but murky like the deep water of the ocean.

“Hey,” he said quietly, cautiously.

“Hey,” I giggled, reaching out to touch his rough jaw. He winced, catching my hand with his. “We probably shouldn’t kiss again.”

“Sure, whatever you want, Percy. What can I do to you?”

He groaned, turning his mouth into my palm, scraping teeth against the vulnerable skin. “Touch me,” he said.

My free hand instantly planted against his chest, scraping at the muscle. His eyes fluttered closed, head tilting back to expose his throat. I slid my other hand into his thick hair, tugging it tightly between my fingers and pulling to grant myself more access to the strong column of his neck. I bit it first, backing him into the tiled wall when he shuddered. I kissed over the reddening skin and moved my hands to his flat stomach, feeling the shuddered breaths beneath my touch.

“Like this?” I asked.

His reply was unintelligible. I kissed down his chest, moving my hand lower still as I went. When my fingers brushed over the v-line of his hips, I shifted my route away from the center and to his thighs. An annoyed grunt escaped his lips. “Hush,” I scolded, getting my knees under me. The now cold water was hitting the back of my neck and flowing down my body. I placed my hands on the inside of both his thighs, trailing them upwards and upwards until he nearly contorted when I gripped him. He let out a scandalous string of curses that quickly turned to moaning silence when I took him into my mouth.

He unraveled in minutes and I let him cum all over the breasts I had teased him with earlier. I rose in front of him, my own rosy cheeks mirroring his. “Now we’re even.”

[abandoned-ax]

I’m on the team - pt 3

Pt 1 pt 2 pt 4

Summery: the first day of training camp!!

Tw!!! scratching (self harm scratching), panic attack

It’s strange, over the week the team has been super busy, practicing and studying. I helped Tsuki with Hinata and Kageyama trying to make sure they pass there exams, Iv gotten pretty close with the two, there both really fun, and watching them both struggle with classes and Tsuki scolding them is super funny. Sadly the two didn’t pass their exams and are both super upset. I remember when we were getting our test scores back i rushed to their classroom with Yams hoping to see them both super excited only to see Hinata come out pouting, and Kageyama with this super dejected look like he was super disappointed in himself for his grades. They were assured tho that they would be able to get to the training camp just a bit late!

We’re headed to the training camp, me Tsuki and yams are all sitting together, me and Tsuki on one side and yams on the seat across the isle. I’m starting to get nervous, not knowing how other teams are going to react to me being there! They don’t even know who I am, or my situation!

“Tsuki!! What if their angry! Maybe I shouldn’t have come- or-or maybe I shouldn’t have even joined, we don’t know how people are going to react!”

“It’s going to be ok (Y/N) im sure their all nice.” Yams said with this super supportive smile

“Yeah and if anyone bothers you I’ll take care of them.” Tsuki says knocking shoulders with me giving me a small smile.

“Yeah (Y/N) don’t worry! You’ve got all of us, we won’t let anything happen!” Suga says turning around, seemingly having heard me freaking out.

I sigh starting to scratch my hands a nervous habit of mine. After a minute or two Tsuki notices grabbing my hand giving me a disapproving look. He reaches down into the backpack he brought on the bus looking for something, pulling out a stress ball and hands it to me.

The rest of the bus ride me Tsuki and Yams ended up falling asleep, I guess I tired myself out with all of my stressing.

We got to Tokyo faster then I thought, the bus ride felt way to quick! But I guess that happens when you sleep, it’s like time travel.

Getting off the bus we were greeted by some guy with crazy strange rooster hair, I quickly moved to hide behind Tsuki still scared about meeting the other guys. Daichi went over to talk to rooster head while the rest of us got our bags off the bus Tanaka and Noya pushing me and Tsuki and Yams to “walk faster” and “get more excited”.

I overhear The guy Daichi is talking to saying ��� your missing a few aren’t you? Wait who’s the new kid” I move closer to Tsuki hoping his tallness will hide me, “why does the new kid look so scared of me.” all I can think about is what if they’re transphobic, what if they don’t want me here, what’s going to happen when they find out. “I’ll tell you about him in a bit.” Daichi responds giving me a concerned look. Tsuki makes a comment about annoying volleyball guys while nudging me to try and get my attention, he and Yams start bickering a little bit and Noya and Tanaka are practically bouncing off the walls and it keeps me distracted.

We were pointed towards the room we’d be staying in putting our bags down and changing. I started getting more nervous, Iv never met these people before and they don’t know my situation. What if I walk on the court and someone yells at me, what if people start asking questions, what if one of them gets super angry and starts yelling at me, what if the team decides they actually side with them! What if-

“(Y/N)” it’s Tsuki and Suga, the two are standing in front of me, Suga is holding my hands and Tsuki has a hand on my back.

“Come on let’s sit down yeah,” the two move me to go sit on a windowsill I look over their shoulders and see all the guys looking at me, I don’t know why I feel so small now, I know them all, I know their not judging me, but I still feel like the piercing stare I’m getting from them is too much. I see Asahi start moving and coming to stand next to Suga on the opposite side from Tsuki.

“Hey (Y/N) I need you to breath for me ok,” he gives me a really concerned look I hadn’t even realized I was hyperventilating, taking one of my hands from Suga and putting it on his chest taking big deep breaths so that I can feel it. “In and out, in and out.” The two words being repeated like a mantra.

Once I’m breathing slightly better Tsuki starts asking questions

“are you lightheaded?”

“Kinda”

“did you eat this morning”

“no”

“why?”

“Didn’t have time.”

“Can someone go grab a granola bar or something?” I see some movement and I think it was Noya who left to go grab something for me to eat. “Are you nervous about training camp?”

“Yes” I say quietly hoping that only he can hear

“Is it because you haven’t played a real game yet.”

I shake my head, I haven’t even thought about that fact that I’m going to be playing a real game for the first time, the only people Iv played against is the team.

“Is it because your afraid people are going to be mean about your gender?”

“I- yes,”

I see everyone look around, I guess they hadn’t thought this was really that big of a deal, but for me, this isn’t something that happens normally, while they all had the door to this space opened to them, I had to hike up a mountain to just get to the door, and I’m just scared that once I get into the space that they all see as a right, is a privilege that most people like me don’t have, it isn’t a space I’m normally supposed to be in, and once you realize my situation everyone knows it.

Suga pulls on my hands making me face him. “ it’s gunna be ok (Y/N), if anyone says anything we’ll deal with it. You’ve got the team! We’re going to make sure your ok.” Suga says with a reassuring smile.

Noya quickly gets back in the room with a granola bar and a water bottle sliding in front of me to hand them both to me. “Thanks Noya” it’s a couple more minutes that I sit there catching my breath before I give everyone a nod letting them know I’m ok, everyone starts to disperse to Finnish getting ready.

Tsuki went over to his bag giving me an extra shirt he had, just like when I first stopped wearing my binder while playing. It’s a reassuring gesture. I get changed and everyone starts leaving before Tsuki grabs my hand, holding me back for a second.

“Your gunna be ok. I promise. And if you get scared or anything just let me or Suga or Daichi know and we’ll get you off the court ok?”

“Thanks Tsuki.”

Tsuki speeds up a little bit to get to yams and Daichi slows down a bit to get back to me.

“Hey I wanted to let you know before we get in there, there might be a cupule people who know your situation, mainly Kuroo the captain of Nekoma, he’s the guy from when we first show up. And I think Kenma their setter might. Him and Kuroo are close and he’s friends with hinata, and we’ll you know hinata. Other then that I’m not sure, they might have told some others but still I can’t tell you what the rest know.”

“Thanks Daichi, um did Kuroo seem chill about it when you told him?”

“Yeah, yeah definitely, I mean he was for sure surprised but, he ended up just saying ‘oh! That’s cool’ so I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.”

“Thanks Daichi.”

“Of course kid.”

We finally all get into the gym moving to get warmed up before our first game!

—————————————————————

Let’s just say we haven’t been winning much, Coach put me into Hinatas spot so Iv been playing a lot. Honestly Iv been so stressed about my gender that I didn’t have time to stress about the fact that Iv never been in a game before. Iv gotten a few good spikes in and have been blocking a bit, but I’m by no means super good! We’ve been doing lots of flying laps.

After one of our practice games with nekoma everyone was taking a break to drink some water when some guy with bleached long hair came over to me.

“Hey.” He said kind of quietly, he seemed pretty awkward like he doesn’t do this often.

“Hey?”

“Um I just wanna let you know- i mean I’m friends with hinata and he’s told me about your situation.”

“Ah I see”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m chill with it, all of us on Nekoma are, so you’ve got nothing to worry about with us.”

“Thanks. It’s uh really reassuring to hear that. I’m (Y/N)”

“Kenma.”

“It’s nice to meet you Kenma”

“So uh how long have you been playing, it’s just we did a practice game with you guys not to long again and you weren’t there.”

“Oh yeah umm I just started playing only a few weeks ago.”

“Wow really. Your pretty good for someone who’s never played before.”

“Ha thanks, but I really have my team to thank, they got me playing and have been pretty good teachers”

“I hope one of those teachers hasn’t been Hinata I’m pretty sure most of what he says to explain volleyball is sound-effects.”

“I know right! It’s like he doesn’t know words sometimes.”

“Yeah it’s really strange but you get used to it.”

“Haha I guess eventually I’ll learn to speak his strange language!”

“Yeah!” Kind of out of nowhere the guy from this morning Kuroo I think his name was wrapped an arm around Kenmas shoulders.

“Well well what do we have here! Is Kenma actually talking to someone!”

“Shut up Kuroo”

“Hi I’m Kuroo, (Y/N) right?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s me.”

“Well it’s nice to meet the newest player.” He sends me a wink, “come on Kenma our games about to start, it was nice to meet you (Y/N)!” The two walk off headed back to the court.

It’s a little bit later in the day that Hinata and Kageyama show up! Hinata taking my spot in the game, and honestly I’m grateful, this day has been exhausting.

An: hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all liked this part!! I’m so excited to keel writing!! I take requests so if you have any please just message me!!!

[alderaani]

more than gold

summary:  A lost Jedi Temple, a riddle, some literature, and feelings that Cody isn't ready to speak out loud. | AO3

note: written for @codywanweek and the alt day 5 prompt Sith/Jedi Artefact Shenanigans! sliding in on the last day with one more thing written than expected, so i’m happy with that! i’m pretty ill today so i hope it actually makes some coherent sense 😂 also if the riddle was super obvious, soz, never written one before and turns out it’s really hard.

-

“You know, I could have sworn I told you not to touch that,” Cody says conversationally, from where he’s splayed out on his back.

“Really? I’m sure I didn’t hear you,” Obi-Wan says, cheerful despite being crumpled in a heap. His elbow is in Cody’s gut. Cody glares at him.

The room they’re lying in is circular, stone, carved out of some Forced-damned mountain and according to Obi-wan, practically thrumming with power. The ceiling is high and vaulted, letting in slivers of light where intricate mirror systems catch the sunlight of double suns and project it deep underground. It takes on a slightly blue cast, reflecting off the huge pool of water they were lucky to not fall into. Four walkways at each cardinal point lead to a central platform, and interspersed between them are four waterfalls.

It should be serene. Except now the waterfalls are travelling backwards, and all the doors, including the one they came in by, are blocked. Cody scrambles up onto his elbows, dislodging Obi-Wan with a grunt.

“What did you do?”

Obi-Wan follows his gaze and gasps, delighted. “Now, will you look at that?”

Cody is looking. Frankly, he doesn’t trust this place enough to not keep his eye on it at all times. Obi-Wan keeps saying that this temple was built long ago, by ancient, peaceful Jedi as a place of learning, and that it won’t hurt them. After they got cut off from the rest of their men at the entrance, however, Cody thinks he could be forgiven for having his doubts.

As Obi-Wan himself proves, peace-keeping hardly rules out danger.

“Amazing,” Obi-Wan breathes, hoisting himself to his feet without a second glance, to walk back up to the plinth and stalk round it, examining the incomprehensible runes engraved there.

Cody is left to peel himself off the floor, and instead goes to prod at the barriers now sealing the exits with the end of his blaster. He tries not to look too much at Obi-Wan, at the soft sweep of his hair and the span of his shoulders. Being on their own like this is something he’s avoided, of late - not because he doesn’t enjoy it, but because he’s starting to enjoy it all too much.

He doesn’t trust the way his heart leaps when Obi-Wan smiles, when he asks him to call him ‘Obi-Wan’, when the cycle draws on and they’re up late again, companionably finishing reports and debating strategy. Or, as they had been doing until Cody got cold feet and started finding excuses, debating novels, which Obi-Wan checked out of the Temple archives and read aloud, one chapter at a time, before they turned in for the night.

He doesn’t trust himself not to ruin this by overstepping. There’s something about his general that makes him lose all control of his tongue, and puts him in danger of voicing thoughts that really he should not be having at all.

It’s agony. It’s bliss. It’s stretching him to breaking point, and this is possibly the worst situation they could have ended up in, really.

“These are made out of water,” he says over his shoulder, grunting as he tries to push his blaster through. He is, of course, unsuccessful.

“Ingenious,” Obi-Wan says. “How did they manage that, I wonder?”

Cody cuts a glance back at him, and grins, despite his exasperation.

“You’re not more worried about how we’re going to get out?”

Obi-Wan waves a hand. “I’m sure the path will reveal itself, in time. Oh, look - Cody, I think this is a puzzle!”

Cody bites back a groan. They do not have time for this. They never really had time for it, but Obi-Wan promised it would be a brief detour on their way to the capital for hyperspace lane access negotiations. He’d looked so excited by recon reports of a lost temple that Cody just hadn’t been able to say no. He’s never able to say no to Obi-Wan, even when he isn’t following orders. It’s probably his fatal flaw.

“I don’t suppose there’s an off switch? A back button?” He asks hopelessly. The Force, at least the Jedi sort, very rarely seems to work that way. Obi-Wan is always talking about moving through problems, about seeking balance and adapting to what’s around you, rather than manipulating it. It’s not Cody’s favoured approach; he was trained to leverage his environment to its maximum advantage, and finds he has little patience for anything else.

Obi-Wan snorts. “This is a defensive mechanism, I’m afraid. Judging by the architecture this was built at the height of the Sith Wars. This artefact is designed to trap us here until we understand the mechanism and progress, or until, back when the temple was occupied, someone would come and deal with the intruder.”

“That doesn’t sound very peaceful,” Cody says.

Obi-Wan shoots him an amused look, the warm, soft kind that makes heat rise from the pit of Cody’s belly right up to his ears.

“Even a pacifist may defend himself,” he says, then leans over the pedestal. “Now, how about you stop grousing and come help me with this?”

Cody rolls his eyes, but goes, slinging his blaster across his back and crossing his arms.

“And stop looming,” Obi-Wan laughs, catching one of Cody’s gloved hands and pulling it down to rest at his side. The simple touch makes Cody’s cheeks burn.

“Don’t see what help I can give you, Sir,” he says, frowning down at the characters surrounding the bright blue artefact. “I was never any good at Ithorian.”

Obi-Wan pauses, then tilts his head up. “Ah. Is that what it is?”

“I - I think so?” Cody was never any good at his language flashtraining; he never had the proper patience for it, but he can usually figure out the basics.

“No, no,” Obi-Wan muses, stroking at his beard with his free hand. “You’re quite right. Goodness me, it's been a long time since I last saw this dialect. Let’s see now…”

Cody steps back and waits, keeping his attention firmly split between their blocked exit points while Obi-Wan ponders. The slow upward movement of the waterfalls is eerie - it still makes noise, but none of it is right. Instead of the gentle patter he expects of water joining a larger pool, there’s a faint gurgling as they move further into each grate, travelling somewhere he cannot see.

Obi-Wan finishes his fifth circle round the platform, and the hand at his chin goes still. Cody stands at attention, expectant.

“It’s a riddle,” Obi-Wan says, and if possible, his delight grows. “Yes - the language is coming back to me now. Do you know, I haven’t looked at Ithorian in maybe 12 years?”

“Sir?” Cody says, tilting his head to look at the characters more closely. He doesn’t have even a passing proficiency at modern Ithorian, and presumably it’s changed a bit over the millennia. His training was focused on the basics, and only the useful bits, at that. He thinks he can make out the words for ‘ water ’, and ‘ enemy’ , both of which are either unhelpfully descriptive or frankly discouraging, but that’s about the extent of it.

“My old master - he loved prophecies. When I was a teenager I could never see the point of it, but it meant I spent a lot of time learning the old Ithorian dialects. They’re known as the most peaceful species, did you know?” Obi-Wan shakes his head. “They’ll exile anyone violent, it’s quite remarkable, really. I suppose in some sort of idealistic emulation, a lot of the early Jedi texts are written in their dialect.”

His blue eyes are keen, his laser sharp focus firmly on the podium. It gives Cody a moment to observe his clever fingers, the long line of his neck, the open delight with which he tackles this new problem. It’s a rare thing, to see him so relaxed, and Cody can’t help the fond smile that creeps up on him despite the circumstances. This almost makes it worth it, and on reflection, he’d rather an ancient temple than the last thing that had made Obi-Wan so happy; a wretched, bioluminescent fungus, which had infected half the battalion and given them hives. Their general had studied it for weeks.

Obi-Wan’s lips quirk up. Cody barely trusts himself to speak.

“I didn’t know, Sir,” Cody croaks, then pauses, fishing for something normal to say. “Didn’t we have to defend the governor’s daughter from an Ithorian bounty hunter on Ganaris-IV?”

“Well,” Obi-Wan grins. “Those exiles have to go somewhere, don’t they?”

Cody huffs a laugh and reaches up to scratch his neck at the seam of his bucket.

“Let’s just hope they didn’t all come here. What’s this riddle, then?”

Obi-Wan shifts to the side, then points at a spot on the podium. “As I said, it’s been a long time, but I think it starts here, and goes something like:

A thing to be forged, where water is thicker,

Worth more than gold, unless it’s pyrite that glitters.

An enemy of my enemy, or in hard times, in need,

Sometimes fair-weather, or in high places indeed.

What are you, traveller? ”

All of Cody’s hopes that it would be something nice and obvious, like “lightsaber” or, given what’s going on around them, “gravity”, escape from him like smoke. Jedi and their metaphors. It’s not just a quirk of Obi-Wan’s, clearly.

“Does that mean anything to you, Sir?” he asks, turning the words over in his head once, twice, then frowning when nothing comes immediately.

Obi-Wan’s brow is also furrowed, but in a leisurely, meditative manner.

“...I have some ideas, I think,” he says. “How about you, my friend?”

What does he think? He thinks that there are other sorts of puzzles he is much better suited to. Word play and idioms...what does a clone have to offer that?

Still, Obi-Wan is watching him, expectant and gentle, and he sifts back through the lines, a little more seriously this time.

“Ice, maybe?”

Obi-Wan nods, slowly. “Perhaps. Walk me through it.”

Cody swallows. “Ice is something that can be made, right? It’s not exactly forged, but…”

He trails off in uncertainty.

“Go on,” Obi-Wan says with another one of those soft, devastating smiles. It fractures all the thoughts in Cody’s head, and he has to stop, clear his throat and gather up all the pieces.

“I suppose...it’s just thicker water, isn’t it? On warm planets it’s a valuable commodity, it’s found in high places, and I suppose if you wanted snow, a freeze would be fair weather.”

Obi-Wan is rubbing his beard again, and he’s still smiling. “Fascinating. I would never have thought of that...only, I don’t think it’s quite there. That mention of pyrite is troublesome, and the ‘enemy of my enemy’, where does that fit in?”

Cody shrugs his shoulders, frustrated, and feels a hot flush creep up his neck. “Don’t know why you’re asking me, to be honest, Sir. Kamino hardly covered poetry.”

There’s a slight pause, then Obi-Wan’s hand is on his again, tugging it slowly down from where he’s crossed his arms.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” he says, soft.

“Do what?” Cody’s voice is gruff.

“Dismiss yourself. You do it sometimes when we’re reading together. There is often no right and wrong answer to these things, no secret. There is only perspective, and you see things I never would, if only you would trust yourself.”

Cody looks down and away, back towards the waterfalls and their slow, glacial climb. He isn’t sure that’s true. He enjoys what Obi-Wan shares with him, what other lives he gets to touch in their books, but more than anything they convince him that, beyond war, he knows very little of anything at all. He would like to, someday.

His eyes land on Obi-Wan’s lips briefly, before he tears them away. Particular experiences he would like to know more than others.

There was one book that Obi-Wan had read early on, back when this infatuation was just setting its first tendrils into him, about a forbidden romance at the heart of the old Mandalorian court. Two heirs of rival clans battling to be together against the good approval of their noble relatives. It had been torrid, ridiculous and entirely unexpected when Obi-Wan had suggested they break up their reports with some literature.

But what it had done was give him the words to express the crawling heat in his stomach, the urge he has to reach out, to touch, to soothe, to care for. He’d known what he wanted before that, of course, in a more rudimentary manner, but it had gifted him the language of yearning.

Suddenly, a particular passage springs into his mind and he straightens.

“You don’t think it could mean ally, do you? In Beneath the Armour, Mata threatens Clan Riza by saying he has ‘allies in high places’.”

Obi-Wan pauses, and then a brilliant smile spreads over his face. “Yes, that’s it! Pyrite - Fool’s Gold; a false friend! Brilliant Cody, whatever made you think of that?”

Cody grins, even though Obi-Wan can’t see it, and doesn’t answer.

“Is that really it?”

“I think you’re very close,” Obi-Wan says. “The characters engraved into the platform...yes! Stand close to me, Commander.”

Cody does, watching curiously as Obi-Wan lifts his hands, shuts his eyes, frowns, and pushes . Six blocks that make up the platform lift, the characters on each glowing bright, lurid blue. Under their feet, something scrapes, shifts and clunks, before the platform lurches upwards, spinning gently.

There’s a thunderous gurgling sound, before all of the pool beneath drains away.

“The answer,” Obi-Wan says, slightly breathless, his hair a little out of place. “Was friend.”

“The doorways are still blocked,” Cody notes drily. The plinth with the blue orb that started this whole mess has also risen, and underneath it are a set of very wet, slimy looking steps. “I don’t suppose it’s as simple as just walking down these and getting in?”

“Likely not,” Obi-Wan agrees, then inexplicably shifts a little closer, so that they are sharing space. Cody’s heart skips a beat. “But it’s like I told you, Cody. You are far greater than what you have been given.”

Cody coughs and looks at his feet, at their boots almost toe to toe, pleasure at the praise singing low through his body.

“Now,” Obi-Wan says, too close and not close enough. “How do you feel about another puzzle?”

Cody groans, laughing, and after a moment, follows his General into the dark.

[chokemeanakin]

Heyyy first wanna say that I love you!! 💜❤️🤎🧡💙🤍💚🖤

Next, I’ve been really sick lately, like haven’t been bail to take down food for a solid week, and in and out of hospital for the last two weeks, so could you please write up an Anakin small fic or head canon or just anything with a really sick reader, but she finds it hard to exsept help? Your fives have been keep me alive I swear haha

Okay LOVE YOU💖💖

YOOO IVE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR WEEEEEEKKKSSS you literally read my mind !!! 😆😆😆 (also I’m so sorry that you’re terribly sick, I’m sending you all my love and I hope you get better soon. I love you too boo thang ❤️) HERE WE GO:

(Also fun fact whump is my area of expertise so if this gets to be really long I apologize — it’s just hard for me to narrow stuff down, anyway, enjoy)

Anakin x Sick (fem) Reader Headcanons:

Gif from @swprequels

The minute you get sick, you immediately shut yourself into your room and hide from the world.

You hate people seeing you at your worst, most vulnerable state. So weak, and needy, and messy and in pain. You’ve always been the type to push people away, no matter how sick you get, because you just can’t let them see you like that.

But like.... imagine you’re new to the temple or something. You haven’t been there for very long, and you still don’t really know your way around. And you wake up at night with the worst stomach pains, like writhing around in bed and crying and begging higher powers for any kind of relief sort of pain.

And you somehow manage to wrench yourself onto shaking legs and dig through the bathroom cabinet, only to find that you have no medicine that can help you.

The next logical step is you go to the medbay, but you have no idea where that even is. And so you’re left to drag yourself down the halls to the only other person who you can think of to help you, the only other other person you want to see right now.

Anakin opens the door shirtless, rubbing sleep out of his bleary eyes. You wish you could feel worse for waking him up when he was obviously sleeping, but your stomach is twisting and turning and a layer of cold sweat is forming over you and you need his help. So you swallow your pride and stand there as he asks, “Y/n? What’s wrong, baby?”

He doesn’t hesitate as he gently ushers you into his room, holding you up as he leads you to the bed. You’re glad, because you don’t think your legs can hold you up for very much longer. And he’s kneeling in front of you, taking your face in his hands and wiping away your tears as you clutch at your stomach and tremble beneath him.

“I-I don’t feel good,” is all you can manage before wincing at a particularly painful stab, shuttering as the nausea worsens.

He’s so worried, eyes scanning over every inch of you. He’s less soft now, and more action as protecting you and figuring out what’s wrong is his first priority.

“What hurts?”

Everything hurts, but you settle with the most pressing offender. “My stomach.”

His eyes drop to your arms, which are wound around your middle like you could squeeze the pain away. You’re hunched over, shivering violetently, skin pale in the darkness. Very obviously sick, although now he has to decide whether it’s bad enough where it warrants a visit to the medbay. His heart twists painfully.

“When did it start?”

“A couple hours ago.”

“Did you eat something?”

He’s rubbing his thumb along your cheek, capturing each cold tear as they’re occasionally squeezed out of your eye.

“Not that I know of,” you whisper. “I had the same as everyone else.”

“Okay,” he says after a moment, then stands. He keeps one hand gently cradling your face as he reaches behind you and pulls the blankets back. “You wanna lie down?”

You want to say yes, but suddenly you’re hit with a particularly excruciating twist of the stomach, and you know it wouldn’t be a good idea. If you move even slightly, you’re pretty certain you’ll be spilling your dinner all over the floor. The thought has you moaning slightly, curled even further into yourself, shaking your head. “Can’t.”

“Alright. That’s okay. Do you think you’re gonna be sick?”

A terrible wave of embarrassment washes over you, but you force yourself to nod.

Anakin doesn’t even have to ask to know that you won’t be able to make it the bathroom. He wouldn’t want to subject that to you anyway, knelt on the cold tile floor before the toilet. No, he wants you to be as comfortable as possible.

So he takes his garbage can and makes sure it’s clean before setting it on the floor or in front of you, in case you need it quickly. You’re hanging your head, sweating and shivering and whimpering every so often as the pain builds and builds and washes over you in waves.

“It’s okay,” Anakin sits beside you, hand rubbing your back in grounding circles. “Focus on your breathing. It’ll pass soon.”

You stay there with him like that for a long while. At one point, you’re begging him for some pain meds, or anything that can take the pain away, but he has to refuse because you’re just going to throw them up anyway. He feels awful saying no, because you begin to cry again and lean forward.

He senses it right before it happens. With lightning reflexes, he snatches the bin off the ground and holds it under you just as you begin to get violently sick.

It’s not pretty, and that thought is knocking at the back of your mind as you clutch onto the rim of the bin, emptying your stomach over and over and over, barely able to catch a breath before you’re hit with another round.

Anakin sits right next to you through it all, dragging his fingers along the nape of your neck to gather your hair over one shoulder, rubbing soothing line and circles into your back, hushing you and telling you to let it out, that you’ll feel better once it’s over.

He’s right about that. Throwing up scares you, and you hate it with everything in you, but for the time being you feel a little better. Once your food stops forcing its way back up and you can finally breathe, there’s a moment where the awful stabbing pain in your stomach is quiet and you can open your eyes and lift your head.

“You think you’re done?”

You take a moment to assess your nausea, not wanting to be hit with a surprise attack and make a mess all over the floor. But for the time being, your stomach has settled and now you’re left as a trembling, weak, shell of a human, barely able to sit upright on your own.

You nod and wipe your mouth, disgusted with the contents now on the back of your hand. Your pajamas have been soaked in sweat, and you’re sure you look absolutely disgusting. You’re too weak to care a whole lot, but the shame still bubbles up in your chest.

Somehow he’s got a glass of water, and he’s handing it to you so you can swish and spit. “Small sips, angel.”

Anakin sets the bin down, running his hand over your hair once more before standing. The loss of his warm presence has you shivering violently, teeth clacking together. “You want a bath? Or do you just want to go to bed?”

You don’t think you’d be able to sleep with your clothes stocking to you like this, so you choose the bath. He kisses your forehead once, saying, “I’ll go run it now. Stay here in case you get sick again.”

You nod and he leaves, the sounds of the faucet turning and water splashing into the bath sounding from the bathroom. He comes back to help you up, hands fitting right onto your disgusting sweaty and vomitty body as he half carries you to the bathroom.

And then he helps you get undressed, lowers you carefully into the water, kneels by the side of the tub and holds your hand.

Your eyes are closed and your head is pounding, achey and queasy and tired. You know you have to wash up, but you can’t seem to lift your arms.

So he does it for you 🥺

Squeezing some shampoo into his palm, gently rubbing it into your hair, using his hand to shield your face as he carefully washes it out. Running his hands over your arms and the top of you chest with soap, lathering you up and then rinsing again. And then he’s squeezing water out of a cloth, running the damp material over your face to clean it of sweat and sick.

And when he’s done, he stands and promises to be right back as he takes the bin full of vomit to the communal bathrooms, dumping it out in the toilet and then washing it in the showers. It’s early hours of the morning so no one is there, but he’d do it even if people were looking at him like he was crazy. 🥺

And when he comes back, he helps you out of the bath and bundles you up in a big fluffy towel. Runs it over your skin and dries you up, and helps you stand as you request to brush your teeth.

And then he brings you back into the room and helps you dress in some of his clothes, a pair of his sleep pants that he has to tie the string extra tight so they’ll stay up, and roll the cuffs up to your ankle about 10 times until you can walk without tripping. And he’s also got some sleep shirts that he’s never worn, and you swim in that also so he rolls up the sleeves until you can see your hands.

And now all you want to do is fall back into his pillows and go to sleep, but he asks you to hold on a while longer so that he can get you some meds. And he has you take some pills, encourages you to drink some more water, (“slow, baby”), and then he helps you lie back and get comfortable.

And if you wake up later in the night to get sick again, he’s waking up right along with you, holding you and hushing you and being the sweetest person you could ever ask for.

In instances like this, you can’t help but need and accept his help. And he doesn’t mind giving it, in fact he wants you to come to him. Anything that brings you pain, he’ll destroy.

And he’ll make sure you eat as much as you can, and that you’re drinking water. Constantly asking you how you feel, if there’s anything he can do. Runs a cold cloth over your face to soothe the fever, and massages your aching muscles until you’re all better.

The voice he uses when you’re sick 🥺. He knows that any noise can hurt your head, so he lowers his voice and it’s so smooth and deep and rumbly. So soft and gentle 😭 the sweetest voice bc his baby is in pain and he just wants to take it all away 🥺🥺

In other cases where you’re sick, like you have a cold, you’re more stubborn. You shut yourself away as soon as you get the first symptoms, denying any hint that you might be getting sick, until suddenly he realizes he hasn’t seen you in days and stops by to find you buried under covers, surrounded by tissues, all lights off in your apartment, sleeping fitfully.

And so he’ll sigh a little, clean up your apartment and then sit and watch over you. When you wake up, you’ll groan and burrow deeper into the covers and demand he leave. But he’ll just tell you to be quiet and drink this water.

Demands you tell him the moment you feel sick next time, even though he knows you never will. And then when he gets you some medicine and food, your cheeks are red with embarrassment and fever as you bashfully accept them.

But ofc you’ll get over it soon because Anakin’s here now and you might as well be miserable in his arms. So you push the covers off your overheating body and reach across the bed for him, practically falling into his lap from where he’s sitting on a chair by your bedside.

And he just simply catches you and strokes your hair and hushes you as you bury your wet eyes and flushed cheeks into his chest, sniffling pathetically.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” he’ll promise, and hold you in his warm arms and rock you until you fall asleep.

Getting sick on Republic Cruisers is the worst. When that happens, you’re either on your way to or back from war. And so usually people are busy and running around, or exhausted and beat up. The ship is cold and everyone has their own problems to worry about, but you feel like ass and you just want to be alone with Anakin.

He feels awful when he sees you, and will order everyone out of the pilot’s room. And then he’ll clear the passenger seat off, urge you to sit down, wrap you up in as many blankets as he can find, and when he can only find a couple, he’ll sacrifice his Jedi robe. And you’ll nuzzle deep down into the cacoon of blankets and inhale the scent of Anakin’s robe, fall in and out of consciousness as you’re lulled to sleep by the soft sounds of the ship.

Anakin wishes there was more he could do for you in these instances, but the food isn’t good and there’s not usually any medicine. So he’ll keep a hand on your knee, or let you hold his hand in your lap as you sleep, and he’ll send a little surge of peace and soothing energy through the force and into you.

Will 100% find an excuse to carry you off the ship when you land, and then spend the rest of the day lying with you and tending to you and trying to make you feel better 🥺

He’s so caring and so protective and sweet. His gentle side really comes out, because his #1 thing is that he needs the people he loves to be safe, so if an illness is hurting you he will do anything he can to take the pain away.

Yes, he can’t take care of himself sometimes. But the minute you’re feeling a little under the weather, suddenly he has a PHD in medical science and he’s nursing you back to health like an expert 🥺

Also he’ll never deny you kisses when you’re sick, even if you warn him he might catch it, he just hushes you and kisses you softly on the lips. Then on the chin, then the nose, then the forehead.

Will always brush off your inability to accept help. If you say “no” or “leave me alone” or “I’m fine go away” he’ll just roll his eyes and plant himself there. Bc no matter how stubborn you can be, he’s even more.

And when you keep apologizing, obviously feeling awful for having him take care of you, he’ll just hush your worries and hold a tissue to your nose and go “blow.”

And then he’ll stay with you and watch over you until you’re all better. And even when you get back into the swing of things, he’ll watch over you like a hawk while you’re recovering 🥺🥺

You might get shy and ashamed and embarrassed when he tries to help you, but he doesn’t mind. You’ll just have to come to accept the fact that he’s always going to be there for you, to help you and hold you and make you all better ❤️

Sweet boy is so good to you 🥺🥺🥰

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[lumosinlove]

Relic Keel

(warnings in tags)

PREVIOUSLY ON RELIC KEEL

Marlene got into college and hasn’t told Dorcas because she’s scared of how she will react.

Lily and James had sex and obviously like each other, but Lily is scared to have attachments on Hogwarts when they’re going to college soon.

Leo and Logan question each other about their pasts without much progress. Logan finds out that Leo hopes to own The Lion restaurant one day, and that his father’s death has something to do with “The Voldemort.”

Saint and Sirius talk about leaving the island and how they met when they were eleven years old. They have sex and avoid more difficult topics.

James and Lily meet at the Gryffindor Club as promised. Lily tells James that she doesn’t want anything tying her to the island, that she hates the fake boundaries that Hogwarts has and that James isn’t crossing them as much as he thinks he is. James understands, even though it hurts.

Saint and Sirius are cleaning the Potter’s pool when James arrives with Remus and Luke. Remus and Sirius have a tense moment in the kitchen, Luke and Saint argue, and Sirius finds out that it’s Remus who sails the Wolfsbane every morning—Remus thus finding out that Sirius notices.

Logan returns to the Carrows to hand over his money and stock up on Crucio. We find out that he works for them in the hopes that they will help him get Finn out of Saint Clair, only the Carrows are angry with him for using their Crucio—they say that Logan owes them now.

Logan heads over to Saint Clair to watch Finn from afar, and swears again that he will rescue him.

part iv

Remus closed his eyes, soaking in the morning sun and the salty air. The wind pushed his hair back as he tightened the rigging, catching the wind. Sometimes his sails felt like his bare hands. Like he finally had something to hold onto, even if it blistered his palms. The sea made him feel alone, in the best way. Usually, it felt like people were always around. He couldn’t go anywhere without running into at least two people from school, or his parents’ friends. Yes, he’s excited for college, no, he’s not sure exactly yet, yes, he’s still sailing, yes, he’s still obsessed, yes, he remembers learning at Gryffindor Club, sure, I’ll tell my mom you say hi.

Solidarity was less exhausting.

The wind buffered and he sighed as he slowed down. he looked back towards Shack Beach. Saint had said they saw him every morning—that Sirius saw him every morning. He wondered if Sirius was watching now.

He couldn’t see anything from this far away. Part of him wondered if he could make this island disappear completely, just for a moment. But it was dangerous to stray that far. Even The Cradle, the small U of islands just off of Hogwarts’ southern coast, was pushing it. Remus huffed out a laugh as he managed the ropes to come about, back towards shore. If that wasn’t a metaphor, he didn’t know what was.

Things on Hogwarts had become complicated in what felt like overnight, even though Remus knew that wasn’t true. They were older now. They didn’t just care about summer vacation. There was college to think about, and then jobs. Hogwarts wasn’t the dream it once was. Remus wanted to see mountains, and huge cities, or snow—and not just for a week on vacation. He wanted to belong somewhere because he wanted to be there, and not just because he had grown up there. He was tired of knowing everything there was to know.

He tied up his Wolfsbane on autopilot, stroking his hand over the side before tugging his shirt over his head and jumping straight into the water. It was cooler from the night, but it was what Remus needed. He held his breath as he found the sandy bottom, his eyes closed. For a moment, he didn’t have to be anywhere. He got to enjoy the ocean and its predictable changes.

When he came up for air, he remembered why he loved this island. That still didn’t mean he didn’t want to leave.

“Are you headed to the museum, sweetheart?” his mother said when Remus came down to the kitchen, freshly showered. He preferred to let the salt linger all day, but he figured he should be fresh for his first day of work.

“Yeah,” Remus held up his keys. “Just looking for some coffee first.”

His mom held up a mug for him, laughing. “Ask and you shall receive.”

Remus smiled. “Thanks, mom.”

“How was it this morning?”

Remus poured some milk into his cup. “It was good. Sun’s going to be strong today. Went near The Cradle—not too far, don’t worry.”

“You know me too well,” Hope laughed, whisking some eggs into a lather. “Well, it’s pizza night. We’re ordering in so, if you want to have some friends over and take it to the den, that’s fine with me. But don’t complain if Jules crashes the party.”

Remus nodded. “Actually, I think we’re going out. If that’s all right?”

Hope nodded. “All right, sure. Be safe, though. Who, uh…”

“James and Luke,” Remus sighed. “Mom—”

“I wasn’t going to say anything—”

“It’s not Luke’s fault,” Remus continued anyway. “His dad, I mean. He didn’t know.”

“I know that,” Hope sighed. “But…Even I can see that boy’s hurting and I barely see him at all.”

���Then shouldn’t he be with his friends?” Remus said.

Hope raised her eyebrows at him, and Remus raised his own right back.

“All right, all right,” Hope said. “You’re gonna be late, I’ll see you later, baby.”

Remus knew he should take the car his parents had given him. He knew he should get used to driving, knew his dad wondered why it just sat in the garage. But here, on the island, Remus liked his bicycle. He liked the warm breeze. It reminded him of being out on the water.

Which, in turn, now reminded him of Sirius Black.

When Remus remembered Sirius, he mostly remembered bruised cheeks and nasty looking cuts. He remembered the hushed way people used to whisper about him, and how, even when he was loud, grinning and well-liked, he was still from Salazar. Sometimes he had eaten lunch surrounded by people, and sometimes he had eaten it alone with his brother.

Remus didn’t understand this island. Was Sirius really so different because he was born a few miles South rather than North? It made no sense—only it did, but only because it was all Remus had ever known.

The Hogwarts History Museum was a pride of the island. Remus knew it well from school trips, and from his own interest. He’d spent many Saturdays there as a kid, gazing at all of the small models of ships and dreaming about what it would be like to sail them, wishing they weren’t trapped behind glass—feeling a little like he was trapped behind glass. A ship in a bottle.

“Hi there, Remus,” Layla smiled at him, green eyes kind and skin a rich, dark brown against the pale pink scarf in her hair.

“Hi, Layla,” Remus smiled. “Having a good summer so far?”

“Sure,” Layla shrugged. “Lots of time here. I saw you win the sailing race last Sunday, congrats.”

Remus smiled. “Thanks. It was real fun. Sorry I beat your brother, though.”

“Oh, Lyle doesn’t mind,” Layla waved a hand. Her nails were painted pink, too. “Don’t worry about it.”

Remus had been friends with Layla since they were little, competing for best in class usually. She was wicked smart and mellow. Remus could always use some mellow, good conversation—especially with James being James and Luke being…well, whatever Luke was now. Layla liked history, and her family owned the museum, which meant Layla told tales that were, albeit tall, fun to listen to.

Remus leaned against the desk, looking around. “This place never changes, huh?”

Layla laughed, clicking a pen. “History doesn’t tend to change that much, R, and so neither do we. Unlike the world out there.”

“I don’t know about that. Nothing ever feels too different out there,” Remus laughed, too. “But I guess you’re right. I’m glad you’re here, though. Or else I’d be sitting behind this desk by myself.”

“I’m glad you’re here, too,” Layla nodded. “What made you take the job?”

Remus snorted as he rounded the corner, picking up his name badge where Beatrice, Layla’s mother and the museum curator, said it would be. “Don’t pretend we didn’t see each other here when we were little all the time. Not to mention at Gryffindor Club. You, obviously.”

Layla raised an eyebrow. “Me and your mom.”

Remus winced and Layla laughed.

“C’mon, we both know you’d be out on your boat all day if it was up to you.”

Remus laughed. “Fine. But seriously. You’re a perk.”

Layla nodded, rolling her eyes with a smile. “Just a couple of history buffs, I guess.”

Remus shrugged. “There are worse things to be.”

The day was pretty slow. A few tourists here and there, taking photo behind the cardboard cutouts that made you look like you were dressed as a sailor, or a pirate.

“Are there really pirates here?” one little girl had asked Layla.

Remus had smiled when Layla crouched down and whispered to her, “careful, there’s one there,” and pointed at Remus.

When lunch rolled around, Remus expected Layla to pull out a bagged sandwich like him, but instead she scoffed and picked up her bag.

“Come on. We have to get out for a bit.”

Remus shrugged. “All right, where to?”

“The Lion, of course,” Layla replied. “It’s the best food on the island.”

“The Lion,” Remus repeated slowly. “You mean—in The Hollow?”

Layla gave him a look. “Oh, you’re not one of those are you?”

“One of what?” Remus said. “No. I’m not, I just… c’mon, you hear things.”

“Hear things? You’ve never been?”

“Once,” Remus swallowed, thinking of the fight. “It didn’t really go well.”

Layla just shook her head.

“History is just one great field of stories, Remus. You’ll never get to the truth unless you listen to them all.”

And so Remus found himself riding alongside Layla on their bikes and right through Gryffindor. The Hollow didn’t have a sign or anything, but you knew when you were in it. Remus almost wished he had been able to see some sort of line to cross, but everything was just suddenly different. Low houses with open doors, people gathered together and laughing. Kids running with surfboards over their heads, towards Shack Beach. It had seemed even more vibrant in the dark the night of the party, even through the tinted windows of Luke’s car. String lights hung over cookouts, and music blasting from speakers. It had smelled amazing, and Remus would have to say Layla was probably right about the food. 

The Lion was just as bright as everything else. It was bustling with lunch-goers, and the doors were flung wide, letting the heat right in. Remus looked around at the people. Some tourists, obviously. Some not. Hollows. Some of them smiled when they caught Remus’ eye, and some narrowed their eyes.

“Hi, Leo, babe,” Layla said as she slid onto a stool at the counter.

There was a blond boy behind it wearing a tank top and a snapback. He smiled as he set some shrimp down in a frier. “Hey, Layla, babe, ça va?”

“Just working. At least I’ve got Remus for company now.”

Remus smiled awkwardly when Leo fixed his blue eyes on him. He really didn’t know what he was waiting for. Something terrible to happen?

Leo only held out a hand. “Leo, nice to meet you.”

“Remus,” Remus said, and took it. He tried not to look at the rainbow bracelet on Leo’s wrist for too long, but he could tell Leo had felt the way his hand tightened. “Yeah—you, too.”

Leo touched it briefly, like an old habit, as he pulled away, giving another smile to Remus.

It didn’t necessarily mean Leo wasn’t straight, but on such a small island, Remus tended to notice these things. He and Luke had figured each other out pretty fast around sixteen. They’d kissed. Once. And then winced, laughed, and shoved each other in the pool. Sometimes Remus wished he and Luke had worked. He didn’t see any other boys coming his way. Leo was smiling at him like he knew what Remus was thinking.

“What can I get you two?” Leo asked.

A boyfriend? Remus thought wistfully.

“Two of your specials, please,” Layla said. “Re, you’re going to lose your mind it’s so good.”

“What’s your special?” Remus asked.

Leo shrugged, but he was grinning. “Like a chef ever gives up his secrets—”

Leo had stopped mid-sentence, eyes going over their shoulders towards the door. Remus turned to look, and a moment later, a brown haired boy was slinging a backpack down carefully between his feet and taking the seat beside Remus.

“Well, look who’s back,” Leo said to him.

The boy glanced at Remus and Layla, then gave a small shrug. “Yeah.”

Leo snorted. “Yeah,” he parroted. “You’re just hungry.”

The boy shrugged again.

Leo sighed, and gave Remus a look that said, can you believe this? before turning back to the stove. “This is Logan guys. Apparently he doesn’t talk today. Three specials. Coming up.”

~

Logan didn’t recognize the boy sitting at the counter. He didn’t recognize the girl either. Then again, he didn’t recognize many people. He didn’t know anyone. Except Dorcas—if that even counted. And Leo. If that counted, either.

The Felix was heavy in his pack, wedged protectively between his feet, and he wished the strangers would leave so that Leo would talk to him. He hadn’t said two words that weren’t him making sure that Logan liked his food, and asking him where he’d been.

Logan was a little annoyed with him for asking that question. It wasn’t like Leo didn’t know what Logan did. Then again, Leo didn’t know why Logan did what he did.

“You guys get the new madness exhibit up yet, Layla?” Leo was asking the girl with the scarf in her hair. “The one you were telling me about.”

The sandy-haired boy looked up from his food. “The madness exhibit?”

The girl—Layla—cocked her head. “Remus, you…you don’t know?”

“Know what?” the boy—Remus—replied.

Layla sat up a little, looking suddenly awkward. “Your mom donated almost everything we have. I mean…it is your family that’s famous for…”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Losing their fucking minds?”

Layla winced. “Well, yeah, okay, poor choice of words on my part. But madness isn’t always a bad thing, you know. People say people are crazy all the time. Sometimes they’re just extraordinary.”

Remus looked back down at his food. “My family’s not extraordinary, believe me.”

“Usually extraordinary-ness belongs to one person, I’d say,” Leo said. “My mom’s pretty extraordinary. Doesn’t mean I am.”

“You want to stay on this island, don’t you?” Logan found himself saying. Then, he felt his neck heat and he turned down to his food.

“What’s so extraordinary about that?” Layla replied at the same time as Remus said, “You do?”

Leo just laughed, rolling his eyes at Logan. “I’m with Layla on this one, guys, sorry.”

“What about you, Logan?” Layla asked. “I want the museum after I go to college. At least I think I do. Leo wants The Lion, Remus wants to sail the world…” Remus blushed at that, and Layla’s eyes were very green. “What do you want to do?”

Logan found it strange that they were treating him like that. So normally. Logan knew his necklace was on display. It was easier than explaining why people hadn’t seen him around and pretending to be a tourist. That lead to questions. Being abandoned didn’t. And he was. He was abandoned. People didn’t ask. Most probably thought he had just aged out. People didn’t ask. It was better that way. Logan didn’t have any answers. All he had was the memory of that last night with Finn. Finn had returned to their room, eyes wild and voice urgent.

Come on, Lo, wake up. Wake up, Logan, we have to go. Now.

Logan had felt helplessly awake in the first weeks of being out. He was still sorting through what that meant.

Logan swallowed. “I don’t know. I’m—looking for someone first.”

Remus sighed and mumbled. “Aren’t we all.”

“You are?” Leo asked softly.

Logan nodded. “Or, not looking. I’m just…I’m waiting for someone.”

He knew where Finn was, but Logan knew that he could wait forever and he wouldn’t come. Logan had to take what he wanted. It was a lesson he was learning fast.

“Oh,” Remus replied. “Um…cool. I hope you find them.”

Logan just nodded.

“Well, we should head out,” Layla said, rising. “Gotta get back to work.”

“Sure thing, just pay up front,” Leo smiled. “See you later, Layla.” He nodded at Remus. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” Remus smiled back. “The food was great.”

Logan watched Leo watch them leave, then snort. “That guy looked more spooked than a horse with a snake.”

“Isn’t that what Gods are supposed to look like?” Logan replied.

Leo shrugged. “Usually you can’t see their eyes behind their aviators.”

Logan laughed a little. “Right.” he looked back down at his food, realizing he had begun picking his fries apart, rather than eating them.

“I’m looking for someone too, you know,” Leo broke the silence.

Logan did. Only, he hadn’t thought about it like that. Leo’s dad and Finn. Leo’s dad was probably dead. Finn wasn’t.

“I hope you find him,” Logan replied. “Your dad.”

The Lion was in full swing now, the lunchtime rush loud and boisterous. Leo had a tank top on, and Logan thought he looked a little tired. Sleeplessness showed easily on his skin.

“Do you have to run?” Leo asked instead of responding. “And hide? Like, from the police?”

Logan sat up, instinctively looking behind him. “I assumed I would have to. But…it hasn’t been that difficult.” He laughed a humorless laugh. “I guess I keep overestimating how much people actually care about me. Maybe I should have learned something by now.”

“Maybe you’re just looking at the wrong people,” Leo said quickly, and looked up with a smile, a small one, then down again. “I know a few others who got out. They don’t seem to have trouble, so, you know, if you needed a job or something, you could work in my mom’s workshop. With me. Or here. I’m sure Celeste and Pascal would be all right with it.”

Logan felt taken off guard. ��Oh. I…” he thought of the powder packets in his bag. Of the Carrows. How much do you think you owe us by now?

Others? he wanted to ask. What others? 

“Just think about it,” Leo said, and turned towards one of the stove tops to check on some boiling water.

“Yeah. Okay.”

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“It’s a boat,” Leo began suddenly, answering Logan’s yet unasked question. The Voldemort. What his father had been looking for. It was almost like Leo was thanking him for telling the truth about his situation. An eye for an eye. A truth for a truth. Logan sort of liked that consistency. “Was a boat. In the eighteenth century.”

“Oh,” Logan said.

“Biggest story on Hogwarts,” Leo said. “Ten thousand pieces of gold, all fallen to the depths of the ocean just off of Hogwarts’ shores…and never seen again.”

“But if it’s just off the shore…”

Leo smiled a little, shaking his head. “But you have to know where off the shore. Otherwise, you have a whole circumference of miles and miles of open water to work with.”

“And your dad figured it out?”

Leo shrugged, expression closing off a little. “He thought he did.” He cleared his throat as he put an order on the counter for a waiter to take away, and ripped another piece of paper down from the line up to look at. “The Cradle. You know it?”

Logan shook his head.

“It’s a sort of…horse shoe shaped cluster of islands, just off of our southern tip.”

“Salazar,” Logan said quietly.

Leo nodded. “Salazar.”

“Your dad was a treasure hunter,” Logan said slowly. “He was looking for a treasure.”

“Yeah,” Leo said, flipping a crab cake in sizzling oil. “He was.”

“And did he find it? Do you want to find it?”

“I don’t know,” Leo whispered, busy hands stilling. “He never came home.”

Logan nodded.

“He wanted to find it,” Leo said softly. “Really badly. And I… I feel like I should.”

“And was he close?”

Leo glanced up from his knife. “Yes.”

“Leonardo,” a voice came suddenly, entering the restaurant. “What does your mother feed you, you gorgeous specimen?”

Logan froze. He knew that voice.

Leo rolled his eyes, and looked at the newcomers. “Fuck off, Saint. Hey, Sirius.”

“Hi,” a second voice came, and it was closer, almost beside Logan at the bar.

Leo’s eyes caught on Logan’s again, probably meaning to introduce him, but he stopped instead.

“What’s wrong?” Leo asked.

But Logan just shook his head, and then the newcomers—Saint and Sirius—were leaning against the bar. Logan felt the breath beside him catch just as his own had, and he turned to look.

Logan thought the boy standing beside him looked different. Older. More muscular. Squarer jaw. But the same. Same eyes. Same shock of blond hair. Same warm, brown skin.

“Logan?” Saint breathed, his eyes disbelieving.

Logan went to open his mouth, when Saint’s arms were around him suddenly.

“It’s Saint,” he said softly, just for Logan’s ears. He squeezed him tighter. “God, you’re here.”

“Saint?” Logan whispered into his shoulder. No one had touched him like this in what felt like forever.

“Yeah,” Saint said. He pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

Logan shrugged. “I…yeah, okay.”

“Knutty,” Saint’s serious expression morphed into a grin. He leaned against the counter, keeping his palm on Logan. “Handsome as ever.”

Logan blinked at Saint, then at Leo. “Knutty?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to a word he says.”

“Oh, Logan already knows not to do that,” Saint laughed. He tapped his cross necklace. “We’re practically brothers.”

“Oh,” Leo blinked. “Right.”

The other boy—Sirius—looked just as taken aback.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Saint called in a sing-song voice, looking at Sirius. “Order for us, won’t you? And get us a table? Logan,” Saint nodded towards the door. “Come hither.”

Logan was so thankful to see Saint, he nearly tripped while getting up. A familiar face. A familiar anything. Saint had gotten out almost seven years ago. He’d been there one day, in his bed, in classes, in the courtyard, and gone the next.

“Sweetheart?” Logan asked, glancing back inside at the dark-haired boy, Sirius.

Saint just put his hands on Logan’s arms, eyes more intent than Logan had ever seen them, then on Logan’s cheeks. “Holy shit, how did you get out?”

Logan felt his heart slow, then speed up. He swallowed dryly. “Finn. How did you?”

Saint ignored the question.

“Finn,” Saint repeated, nodding. “Of course. When?”

“About a month ago. And he—he’s still in there,” Logan said. “He’s…And I’m—”

“I hear you,” Saint said. He jerked his head over to the table. “Not now. Let’s get back.”

“Saint?” Logan asked again.

Saint rolled his eyes. “Leave it alone. For now.”

~

Saint hadn’t been ready. He hadn’t seen Logan in nine years, but he’d know his face anywhere. All eyelashes and sad, green eyes. A smile he wore with Finn only. He looked spooked now, and tired. They’d sat at the bar, watching one of Leo’s shifts go and another one come, then moved to a table. Watching it get dark outside now, Saint wondered where Logan had been living for a month.

He eyed the backpack that Logan held so protectively close, and thought of the way Dorcas did the same thing.

Saint had a bad feeling.

“So, how’d you two meet?” Sirius said, gesturing between Logan and Leo with a fry when Leo brought over more water.

“Party,” Leo shrugged after a moment of hesitation. “Shack Beach.” He jerked his head at Saint. “You two were there, judging by Sirius’ shiner. Could hear that fight at my house, probably.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I didn’t start it.”

“True,” Saint said, wondering how he had missed Logan that night. “Some God—albeit a beautiful one—thought we were selling Crucio.”

Saint flicked his eyes over to Logan. Sure enough, he blushed.

Saint cocked his head. “The horror. Dangerous stuff.”

Leo looked at Saint quietly, and glanced at Logan, then back to him. Saint nodded. Got it, it said.

“Well, would you look who it is,” said a deep voice from behind them, and then there were two strong arms around Saint and Sirius. Pascal placed a loud kiss on each of their heads.

“Eck,” Sirius laughed. “You smell like grease, old man.”

Pascal Dumais laughed. “Grease that feeds you, maybe. And who’s this?”

“Dumo, meet Logan,” Saint said. “Logan, meet Pascal. He owns the Lion with his wife, Celeste.”

“The most beautiful woman in the world,” Pascal said, accent heavy. “Logan, it’s nice to meet you.”

Saint watched Pascal eye Logan’s necklace.

“We were together at Saint Clair,” he supplied.

“Maybe not so loud,” Logan said harshly. “Saint.”

“Oh?” Pascal said, and squinted at Logan. “Who are you with now, mon cher?”

Saint watched Logan open his mouth, frozen, and was about to speak up when—

“Me,” Leo cut in. He looked down at the carrots he was chopping as he said it. “Me and my mom.”

Oh, Saint thought.

“Oh, Leonardo,” Saint sighed. “Un ange.”

“Not my name,” Leo said.

“I know.”

“Yeah,” Logan replied to Pascal’s still questioning gaze. “Yeah.”

“I see,” Pascal nodded. “Well, I’m happy you and your mother will have a helping hand now. I miss your father dearly, mon fils.” He smiled sadly at Leo.

Leo just nodded. “Yeah.”

“Him and his treasure, eh?” Pascal said. “A wonderful man. I miss going out on that boat of his.”

Leo’s smile was small, but fond. “Those were some of his favorite mornings.”

“Treasure?” Sirius asked.

“Black!” a new voice shouted. “Thank fuck.”

Saint looked up when Sirius did. James and Remus were barreling towards them from the dark outside.

“Good lord,” Saint said. “Rain, from Olympus. Water my crops, why don’t you.”

“James?” Sirius said. “What are you—”

James and Remus walked right up to their table—Remus looking slightly more reluctant. “We have a question.”

“How did you know we were here?” Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I mean, just…it’s a little out of your way, non?”

“Remus came here earlier, and when I told him—well, you’ll see—he said maybe you’d be here.”

Saint watched Sirius’ eyes narrow at Remus, confused. “Okay…”

“Well, it’s good to see you again, tweedle-hot,” Saint said to Remus. “Up close this time. We actually though you were going to sail right out of sight this morning.”

Sirius stepped on his toe beneath the table.

“Excuse me?” Remus choked out. “What the fuck did you—”

James blinked at Saint, then shook his head, as if to right his thoughts. “All right, setting every strange thing that comes out of your mouth aside for a moment —where is Dorcas?”

“Meadowes?” Logan chimed in.

James’ eyes turned on him. “You know her?”

Saint raised his hand. “I have the same question.”

“Well,” Logan hesitated. “Sure.”

“And she sells Felix,” James said, as if trying to confirm the information.

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Says you.”

James sighed. “I’m not here to turn her in, Jesus, I just have a question.”

“Do…” Sirius was looking at Logan. “Do you sell…”

“What kind of question?” Saint cut in.

Remus spoke up. “A does-she-deal-to-Luke type of question.”

Saint laughed. “Deveaux?”

“You know who Luke is, Saint,” Remus sighed.

“Well, yeah I do, Lupin, he tried to buy off me,” Saint shook his head with a tisking sound. “Turns out he’s a prejudice piece of eye candy. Who knew.”

“Come on,” James sighed, rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses. “Please, Sirius, come on.”

Sirius shrugged. “We don’t know who Dorcas deals to. We’re not involved.”

“If you did would you tell us?”

Sirius smiled, just a little. “Probably not. But I really don’t know.”

James sighed, sagging away from the table. He looked at Remus. “Fuck.”

“What were you hoping to accomplish here?” Sirius asked slowly.

“We—” Remus said, then sighed, too. “We were going to see if she would agree to stop. If it was her, if she would stop giving it to him.”

“We’d pay her,” James added. “Obviously.”

Saint scoffed, and Logan laughed a little, too, from beside him.

“Obviously,” Saint mimicked.

“We just meant—” Remus began.

“We know what you meant,” Sirius said.

Saint popped a fry into his mouth. “If we’ll clean your pools for a few bucks, we’ll grant you three wishes, too.”

“Jesus, Saint,” James groaned.

“Mary. Joseph—”

James ran his hands through his hair. “We’re sorry, we misspoke. We’re just trying to help our friend. His dad got taken to jail, his mom pops pills all day and night.  That’s already draining what little money the bank didn’t seize and if he wants to do anything with his life he needs a straight head. Just—fuck, we’re just asking.”

Saint prided himself on gathering information, but most of that were things he didn’t know. Luke’s dad had got taken away. But the pills? The financial distress? All of that paired with that guarded snarl the boy always seemed to wear…it almost made Saint feel sorry for Luke Deveaux. He almost said so.

Instead, he said, while twirling the cross around his neck. “Wow, he must feel like an orphan or something.”

“All right,” Remus sighed. “James, let’s just go.”

“What does he look like?” Logan said suddenly before they could turn to leave.

James looked a him warily. “Um. Sort of blond-ish. More brown-haired, I guess. Big guy, built and tall and all that. Oh, he’s got this green spot in one eye.”

Logan nodded. James raised an eyebrow. Saint waited.

“How much will you pay me to stop selling to him?” Logan finally said. He rose as he did, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “That’s a lot out of my pocket.”

“Logan,” Saint said, but Logan didn’t look at him.

James blinked. “I—oh. Oh, uh—God, what do you want? Two hundred?”

"One grand,” Logan said.

James laughed. “Dude. Who the fuck are you? No, I don’t have that much just—on me.”

“Logan,” Saint warned again, and this time Logan did look at him. Saint shook his head softly.

“Fine,” Logan said through his teeth, and held out his hand. “Two.”

James took his wallet out and handed over the cash.

“Thanks,” Remus said from a little behind James’ shoulder. “Really.”

Logan just nodded, shoved the bills into his pocket, and headed for the door.

“Pardon,” Saint sent a grin to them all, and followed him.

Once they were outside, Saint gave him a wack on the back of the head.

“Fuck,” Logan swore. “S—”

“You get out of that shit-hole and you go around selling Crucio? To Gods?”

“I—”

“I mean, seriously, what the fuck was that? Do you know how not careful that was?”

“I don’t even know who that boy is,” Logan bit back.

Saint blinked. “What?”

Logan looked out towards the ocean where they could hear the waves crashing against the shore. “He offered to pay, and so I told him what he wanted to hear. When his friend shows up hallucinating next, that’s their problem.”

Saint scoffed. “Fine, okay, clever boy. But you do sell Crucio.”

“Felix,” Logan countered. “And yes.”

“Crucio. And no.”

Logan shrugged. “I need the money.”

“For what?”

Logan looked at him and, this time, his eyes were hard. Desperate. “For Finn.”

Saint froze. He opened his mouth, and then closed it. “Excuse me?”

“If I can get enough cash, I can get Finn,” Logan said.

Saint stared at him, and then Saint laughed. Then, he laughed louder.

“You’re shitting me,” Saint said. “You think that?”

“What do you…”

“You think you can buy Finn out?” Saint repeated incredulously. “You think you can walk back in there and buy Finn out.”

Logan took a breath. “He—”

“Logan, Jesus Christ,” Saint snapped. “You walk anywhere near that place and you are never getting back out.” Saint pressed a hand to Logan’s shoulder and shook him. “Do you hear me?”

“I need to do something,” Logan shouted back. “I need to do something, I can’t just leave him in there, he’s everything to me.”

Saint shook his head. “He got you out. Don’t waste that.”

Logan nodded, eyes bright with tears now. “And you know he got punished for it. You know he did—”

“Stop,” Saint spat, glancing around, as if anyone could hear. “Don’t.”

“You could help me,” Logan said, wiping his nose. “Bash, you got out once—”

“No,” Saint said, and turned away. “No. And don’t call me that. Don’t you ever call me that.”

“Please,” Logan begged. “Please—Saint.”

Saint whirled on him again. “I am never going near there, and neither are you. Finn’s still in there, fine. But he’ll need to get himself free like us if he wants it bad enough.”

“I owe money,” Logan began, then his breathing hitched. “I owe them, I took some of it to see—to see Finn and…Bash—Saint—”

“Them?” Saint took a step forward. “Them?”

Logan pressed a hand over his eyes, but Saint walked forward and pulled it away.

“Logan,” he said lowly. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Logan closed his eyes, mouth twisting against his tears.

“Tell me, right now, that you didn’t let the Carrows tell you they’d help you. And that you didn’t believe them.”

Logan shook his head, not in negation, but in defeat. “I need him. I need him, I’m so…I’m alone.”

Saint pulled Logan against his chest and let him cry. The sobs heaved out of him for a long while, until the collar of Saint’s shirt was wet. Until Logan was breathing softly again, exhausted, and until his voice sounded shot when he spoke.

“You’re really staying with Leo?” Saint asked, more gently this time.

Logan nodded.

“I have a place, too. Here, in The Hollow. If you want.”

“With the others?” Logan rasped.

“What others?”

“How many others are out?” Logan said softly.

Saint shook his head, fingers in Logan’s hair. “Just me, that I know of.”

“You still wear it,” Logan said, pulling back to look at him. “The cross.”

Saint let his hands drop with a last touch to Logan’s hot cheek. “So do you.”

They were both silent.

“I’m sorry about Finn,” Saint said rigidly. “I know how much he meant to you.”

Logan’s brows pulled together. “He’s not dead.”

Saint nodded. “Right.”

“Saint…” Logan began, and Saint heard the almost B instead. “Would you—just thinking about it—“

“No,” Saint said, and then turned and went back inside.

Sirius, back at the table, looked at his face, and then at his wet shirt.

“Okay?” he asked softly when Saint sat down.

“Just dandy,” Saint replied, and looked towards the door. Logan was gone.

[paperficwriter]

The Past Month

So I've been slow to talk about this here, and for a while I didn't know why but now I realize it's because this is the only platform where I've been told to kill myself lol the possibility of getting messages like that hits different now.

Anyway, it's been a hell of a month.

(cw medical trauma, hospitals, not graphic)

In August I was hospitalized for a pulmonary embolism (an extensive bilateral pulmonary embolism, more accurately). I had been feeling very short of breath for a couple of days and I thought it was allergies and then medication I started on when suddenly my blood pressure was really bad and even if I went up and down my stairs it was like walking around the block with how much I was breathing.

So I went to urgent care. They did some blood work. And proceeded to tell me that my stats were the kind they see in people with heart failure ("Not to freak you out!" Narrator's voice: it was too late). I got sent to the hospital in an ambulance, put in the ER, got a CT scan and...yeah, clots in my lungs.

I got admitted for several days. They did an echo of my heart, which was really good, and my lungs were good as well. It was honestly because my stats were so solid once I got put on blood thinners that I didn't end up in the ICU.

They've pretty much figured it was my birth control, although I'm going to a hematologist tomorrow to fork over a whole vampire banquet's worth of blood and they'll check for anything else.

It's hard to describe how traumatic the experience has been. I've never been kept in a hospital before. I haven't been to an emergency room since I was a kid. I've never had a CT scan, or been in an ambulance, or even had an IV. And because of covid, I didn't have anyone there (it was dangerous enough if I was exposed, which thank God I wasn't).

When people ask me how I am, I tend to say, "Physically, I'm really good." Because I am. Since I've been on blood thinners, I've genuinely been feeling so much better. Within a week I was back to living normally. When I had a call with my doctor, she said, "If I didn't know better, I would never guess you had a pulmonary embolism, you look great!"

And thank God, okay. Thank God it wasn't worse. Thank God I didn't have a heart attack, or a stroke, and that part of my lungs didn't die, and I didn't just fucking die suddenly. I replay all those possibilities on a near-daily basis, because there was a period of time I was terrified of getting a blood clot because of my birth control and then it happened, and I know it's "bad luck" (literally what they told me at the hospital at one point) but fuck.

An existential crisis becomes very different when you come out of a situation in which you actually could have stopped existing.

And it feels better in some ways - I've put a lot of things in perspective. I've made concentrated efforts to better myself. I've also recognized certain things that are absolutely meaningless. Internet drama that had been a thing I was invested in a week before was suddenly less than nothing. And that's not to say I don't care about the impact it has on others, I still believe those same things, but like, for me? I've written more in the past couple of weeks than I think I had throughout the year and it's literally just what I have wanted to write. I could not care less if people don't like it.

So in some ways it's good.

In other ways, though, I keep having to reframe life around trauma, I have to say, when I start disassociating or freaking out, that this is normal because I am one month out of dealing with a major crisis and I need to let myself adjust (not to say anything about the changes in hormones since I am no longer taking medication I was on for 18 years). I need to give myself a break. I can't just bounce back and it's not fair for me to expect that from myself.

Yeah. It's been A Lot. And if you've gotten this far reading this, I appreciate it, because I had to talk about it more and I had to talk about it somewhere I could just get out all these very, very complicated and frightening feelings. I might talk about it some more. I don't know yet.