#ive been getting the books and letting myself actually enjoy it

[antecosm]

I would love to do more kin art if I weren't two feet in the grave of fixating REALLY hard on Gravity Falls again for the first time since like. 2017...

[phagodyke]

love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)

[pomegranatesarchive]

Oscar piastri x reader smau, but she’s completely anonymous and people are trying to find her after Oscar revealed he was married to someone?

nobody ever asked me | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x reader

summary: oscar piastri shocks the world by letting it be known that he is married, and has been for the past two years

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, logansargent, and 1,017,827 others!

oscarpiastri: vacation with the wifey! 🧡

view comments below!

user1: oh that’s not

user2: excuse me the what?

user3: this is interesting!

landonorris: wait what

oscarpiastri; what?

landonorris: wait what are you being serious?

oscarpiastri: about what?

landonorris: oh i don’t know maybe you having a WIFE???

oscarpiastri; yes i do have a wife!

landonorris: WHAT THE FUCK

user4: oh so oscar not joking?...

user5: feeling like lando rn because what the fuck???

user6; this just ruined my day

maxverstappen1: i knew you were lying about SOMETHING

oscarpiastri: ive never lied to anyone, nobody ever asked me if i had a wife

maxverstappen1; that’s….fair

user7: THATS NOT FAIR??? OSCAR WTF?? YOU CANT JUST SPRING THIS ON PEOPLE???

charles_leclerc: nice pictures oscar!!!!

charles_lelcerc: wait a minute...

charles_leclerc: wife????

charles_leclerc: what?? what? what??

charles_leclerc: i am so bamboozled right now!

charles_leclerc: am i walking the prank? i feel like i am walking the prank

oscarpiastri: no you aren't walking the prank? whatever that means? ive been married for a little over two years now!

user8: TWO YEASR??? LIKE 730 DAYS??????

user9: no you guys actually dont understand, this is driving me crazy?

user10: this is SUCH an oscar thing to do tho.. like randomly announcing thats hes been married for 2 years??

user11: he took oscar core to a whole new level

user12: my heart just broke

user13: you should've announced that you had a gf first, my heart cant take this

danielricciardo: i'm a little late, don't know whats going on..so? congratulations? my condolences?

oscarpiastri: thank you daniel!!

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, and 691,616 others!

oscarpiastri: some more pictures of the wife since you all seem so curious! here’s my wife, yn, and her book store 🧡

view comments below!

user14: YN!!!! WE GOT HER NAME

user15: HALLELUJAH

user15: yn is a beautiful name

user16: HER bookstore?? she owns a bookstore??

user17: the way she probably has so much lore and we will never learn about it is so??

user18: we're only going to learn about when oscar randomly decides to drop some info: key example: THIS POST 😭

maxverstappen1: I KNEW HER NAME FIRST!!!

oscarpiastri: only because she's your biggest fan and she begged to meet you

maxverstappen1: stay mad

oscarpiastri: she's married to me??

maxverstappen1: and yet she's MY biggest fan

user19: DAMN MAX

user20: oscar was SILENCED

user21: i need to know when he them, how they got together, and what theyre wedding was like

user22: it kills me to know we will never get this information

user22: its actually so crazy how oscar said yn has been to all of the races so far?? like how didnt we notice her 😭

user23: what if shes been in front of us the whole time and we just mistook her for like a mclaren team member or something

user24: well now I have to go look at every single oscar picture out there and try to find something

user25: or you could, idk? respect that she doesnt want to show her face online?

user26: but thats no fun

charles_leclerc: it was great meeting her!! ❤️

user27: they met her? 💔💔💔

oscarpiastri: she says thanks for the lec ice cream!

user27: he gave her lec icecream?? 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

user28: ive only known about yns existence for a month and a half, but if anything happened to her, i would kill everyone on earth and then myself.

liked by oscarpiastri

. . .

note: thanks for requesting!! hope you enjoyed(*≧▽≦)

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[roach-works]

There is word going around that tumblr is moving to be a legacy project and will eventually be sunsetted. Ive been following your work for probably close to a decade, and id hate to lose track of you if tumblr goes down eventually. Is there anywhere else i can continue to follow and support you?

the sky has been falling on tumblr since forever, and yet i stick around. i don't know where else i'd actually enjoy, and im not interested in having a flood of people pitch me new alternatives. i know what i like, and i like tumblr, so ill probably ride this bizarre hellsite to the very last stop.

i might get a bluesky or a pillowfort eventually--if i do, i'll announce it. im finally going to have more time for creative work this winter, so it's possible i'll finally haul myself bitching and moaning on to instagram.

the boat boys series is getting another novel-length installment; in fact, the sequel to after the storm turned out to be three novels long, and so now the focus is on editing book two act one into publishing shape. it's probably going to be published like After the Storm, as a wordpress serial.

i've also recently finished the rough draft of my first solo novel, a coming of age superhero romcom. it's been pretty funny watching everyone start nano just as i typed The End on a story that took me a year and a half. anyway my goal this winter is to get the manuscript into decent shape and then hunt down an agent. if any agents have also been following my tumblr for a decade, hi, i love you, please save me.

after all that, im thinking ill either learn rug tufting or get really into furry porn. possibly both! gigantic neon monster penis could be a very fun subject for throw rugs.

anyway, i have a lot of cool stuff in motion im very excited to share, and ill find a way to let people know about it. thanks for sticking around!

[bluebirdlester]

notes & thoughts from philm club 10/19/15!

THIS IS SOOO NOSTALGIC TO ME this is the era where i was catching most younows live! i am 95% sure i saw this live at 15 years old! i am 24 now! i have included a vintage phanniecore image from the time period! lets reflect!

dan ripped his jeans at tatinof leeds. so the wad time wasnt the first time

anahita mentioned omg where is she now. with her 20 trillion younow bucks or whatever that stuff was

“you know what i mean” and fluffing his hair in that one specific way is 2015 dan’s “what can i say” while checking an invisible watch

friendiversary. oh babes......

“we’re pal creators” :)

another thing dan used to say: “this guy” while staring into the camera and gesturing at phil. nowadays he just screams

“went to sheffield, that was lols” dan loves to say shit

WHAT DID DAN WHISPER. INFURIATINGLY ALMOST AUDIBLE. LIP READING EXPERTS ?

“ive had the fire on” potential gas leak stream, love you london apartment 1

WHY DID IT TAKE THEM 30 MINUTES TO MENTION THAT APPARENTLY TABINOF HAS JUST COME OUT?

‘as if you guys have coffee tables for our book’ WE DO NOW BITCH, WE'RE OLD! (i dont. actually.)

instantly calling it the bible. well that hasnt changed. the phible

OH MY GOD I HAVE SUCH VIVID MEMORIES OF TAKING AND HAVING PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH THE INSIDE COVER OVER MY FACE LIKE THAT. BUT I JUST SPENT LIKE 20 MINUTES LOOKING AND ABSOLUTELY CANNOT FIND THEM!!!!! lost media.

i did find this though: a relic of the time. 2015 snapchat face swap filter, anyone? [i do want to post this accursed artifact bc its funny but not without having directly next to it: im a grown man now, dont she/her me]

dan describing phils eye color i could never think you were straight my 2015 king

"well done phiw" words i remember deep in my soul

not directly related to anything happening, i just thought about it: i saw a post the other day about how dan and phil spent their 20s being silly for the enjoyment of 12 year old girls on the internet and have been thinking about it ever since. i just wanna hold space for a moment of appreciation for that. idk if it was yalls experience but i got a lot of misogyny based shame of my interests because of the whole societal "anything a teen "girl" likes must be inherently ridiculous and made fun of mercilessly" thing [especially related to dnp watching] but they never had any sort of resentment for that position never did anything but be patient with us and love us and give us nice things to chew on. thank you danphil <3

"get over it. get over it. get over it. get over it. you cynic. get over it. right right right right so what? he enjoys a themed drink from a coffee chain thats everywhere. get over it, get over it." dan relax. why do i remember this specific part so vividly. was this in a vyou1 compilation that i watched over and over like cocomelon

dan on evan peters in AHS: "id be his victim" i see you

47:30 PHIL IMITATING DAN'S HAND GESTURES WHILE HE TALKS ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS CLIP A FEW WEEKS AGO BUT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE TO GO LOOKING FOR IT!!!!!!!

god this was the era of free and haikyu real ones remember dans body pillow

pop culture of 2015 reviews

"phils got an agenda!" why do i rememeber posting "phil has the gay agenda" after he said that. we were so annoying in the 2015 times

chair quiz all depends on the first question. if im hungry its cheese and i get purple. if not its trees and i get green

phil "sneaking in" a "phil and dan" hes so cute

them snorting at each other "that was a deep sinister pig" they have never changed

(THIS POINT ONLY) TIT PRESHOW PLAYLIST SPOILERS IF ANYONE GIVES A FUCK the way they loved our singing to toxic so much that they make sure to give us a big singalong right before the show on every preshow playlist now.... hot to go <3. i heard a recording of an early show where it was good luck babe and thankfully i think they realized that good luck babe is really hard to sing and made it hot to go ever since then

time to get parasocial dan used all his phone data so he had to use phils hotspot. surely they just have the same phone plan now

WAD foreshadowing my boy is talking about the apocalypse

phil is going to go cook dinner??? an era before deliveroo??

dan talking about uploading on dinof it was a different time

ok those are my thoughts!!! im a newish phannie blog (not really. i had one on my old account in the 2015 era which i dont want to use anymore cause i was 15.) so welcome feel free to hang out etc

[percy-and-rachel-events]

hi! percy and rachel are my absolute favourites and i was wondering if you could suggest some cool fanfics w them? ive tried but they're soo hard to find😭

thankyou🫶🏼

Hi anon!!

It's wonderful to see that there are still Percy and Rachel fans around!! I can absolutely help you out with this. There's the list below, and this rec list that has 43 fics. Enjoy!

Percy Jackson and Rachel Elizabeth Dare Event Fics

This is a list of the fics with their platonic and romantic relationship that were written for the bingo event we had a few months ago.

running though my hair by WelcomeToThePainTrain

Not Rated | 1.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Good (Girl)friend Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Percy being a good hubby.

The Young God by undeath230

T | 1.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Oracle Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Good Brother Percy Jackson, god Percy Jackson

She’d been the Oracle for ten long years now, and Rachel was happy with her lot in life. She was offered this position when she was a few months shy of turning sixteen and she just knew it was for her. Since then, she’d devoted her life to Apollo, dispensing counsel, prophecies, and help when needed. It had been a long ten years, but it was well worth it. She could not imagine her life being any different.

Frustration and Down Time by undeath230

G | 1.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Percy Jackson Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Good Girlfriend Rachel Elizabeth Dare

I found myself hanging out in Rachel’s room more often these days. It’s barely been two months since the Titan war ended and I thought things would be better. As usual, that was just wishful thinking.

School's Blues by undeath230

G | 1.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Established Relationship, Unreliable Narrator, Complicated Relationships

“Damn it!” Out of everything to finally beat me, it just had to be sophomore English. I’d beaten monsters, Titans, and survived a prophecy that was supposed to kill me, but I couldn’t beat an English test of all things. I’d been trying to get this done for the past three hours but the words were just swimming in front of my eyes. I could barely go two sentences without a massive headache.

Names Have Power by undeath230

T | 1.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Established Relationship, Names Have Power, Good Friend Annabeth Chase

“Rachel does know that names have power, right?” I blinked and turned to Annabeth. We’d been done with the war for about a week now and things were looking up. It helped that Rachel was around the whole time now and I could see her whenever I wanted.

Bullies and Hairbrushes by OuzoAthena11

G | 1.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Humor, Hairbrush, Bullying

Rachel overhears Percy and realizes he's being bullied again. She's not about to let that stand.

Hellfighters by undeath230

T | 1.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Tartarus, BAMF Percy Jackson, Established Relationship

This was bad. This was very, very bad. I knew demigods had bad luck, it kind of came with the job, but this was something else. When we found Annabeth wrapped in spider silk, we tried to get it all off her and move her away from next to the Pit, but we weren’t fast enough. At least, we didn’t get away fast enough.

Tired Love by undeath230

T | 1.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Underwater Kiss, Percy Jackson Needs A Hug, Good Friend Annabeth Chase

We were done. After so many years, the war was over. Kronos was beaten, Luke was gone, and I actually managed to live. We’d lost too many people though. Annabeth told me our casualties were about fifteen campers just in the last week of the war. It was too much.

She Looked Like A Million Golden Drachmas by undeath230

T | 1.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Beach Date, Book 5: The Last Olympian, Fluff

The last time I took Rachel to the beach, I’d been too busy worrying about asking her out to really appreciate it. Now, looking at her, she looked like a million golden drachmas. The way the sun made her hair shine, the way she looked completely relaxed, the way the waves would calm when she stepped into the surf.

That Damn Hairbrush by undeath230

G | 1.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Hairbrush, Comedy, Established Relationship

“You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush.” “It was the only thing I had.” I remembered the first time Rachel used that hairbrush as a weapon clear as day. Annabeth and I were fighting over Luke, Kronos had risen, and this mortal who was only my age decided to nail Kronos of all people with a hairbrush. I’d been impressed back then, but I hadn’t realized just how wacky Rachel could get with it.

Protection and Comfort by OuzoAthena11

T | 1.3k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Underage Drinking, Percy Jackson Has PTSD, Hurt/Comfort

Percy is not prepared for the rush of memories that come with others around him drinking, but luckily, Rachel is there to help him get out of there and calm down.

Comparisons by OuzoAthena11

T | 1.5k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Asexual Percy Jackson, Post-Tartarus, Aromantic Asexual Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Percy is thinking when he realizes he needs some perspective on his relationship with Annabeth. Rachel helps talk him through it.

Meeting the Family by undeath230

G | 1.5k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Meeting the Parents, Fluff, Established Relationship

I gulped and tried to think of a way out of this. Maybe I could calmly ask if she wanted to meet my dad. Of course, that meant I just ended up pulling a tongue twister out of my ass when asking her. “WannaAtlantismeetdadandstuff?”

Beach 'Date' by OuzoAthena11

G | 1.6k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Day at the Beach, Humor, Aromantic Asexual Percy Jackson

Rachel and Percy go to the beach to relax.

No One Touches Her by undeath230

T | 1.7k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Established Relationship, BAMF Percy Jackson, Blood and Injury

Why did everything we did always have to end up going wrong? Seriously, if we could go one day without our plans going sour, that’d be great. If it’s not something going wrong at camp, then it’s Connor Stoll, and if it’s not him, then it’s a monster attack.

To be a Good Friend by OuzoAthena11

T | 1.9k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Post-Tartarus, Percy Jackson Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort

Rachel does her best to be there for Percy and be the friend that he needs.

So Much Easier by undeath230

T | 2.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase

Pre Book 5: The Last Olympian, Post Book 4: The Battle of the Labyrinth, Complicated Relationships

Percy hated fighting with Annabeth, but sometimes, she didn’t make it easy. It was like she wanted them to be at odds like she wanted to fight him, like she couldn’t continue with her day without insulting him at least once.

The Things left Unsaid by Cynthiav06

Not Rated | 2.3k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Powerful Percy Jackson, Established Relationship, Oracle of Delphi

It's been a few months since Percy and the Seven had saved the world from Gaea. Percy has been contemplating a lot of things since but mostly about how he wanted to go without talking to people for a while, keep whatever remained of his sanity, have his peace. Until Rachel and he had shared a vision of his time down in the pit. He knew his peace would end, and whatever semblance of control and facade he kept would crack eventually but he had hoped it to be anyone but Rachel. Sure she was one of his closest best friends but more importantly she was his redheaded nightmare, a girl that he had loved and let go all to save the world.

The Sea Boy and The Ordinary Girl by Flower16

G | 2.4k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

First Dates, Developing Relationship, Underwater

Percy and Rachel have a date in the beach.

"it's never too late to come back to my side" by SummerHome

T | 2.6k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Good Friend Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Rachel Elizabeth Dare-centric

Rachel comes to camp one fall weekend and learns a piece of information from Percy that shocks her.

She's Like The Wind by undeath230

T | 4.5k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Hurt/Comfort, AU - Canon Divergence, The Second Titan War

After a whole year of nothing but the war, I was starting to reach my limit. I didn't know how much more I could take of this, and I didn't want to find out how. I really needed a break. I needed out of this for just a bit. I hoped I could get it soon.

I believe that's all of them. If I missed anyone's fic, please let me know via mention (@) or dms and I'll add it.

[spiral-man]

My self indulgent list of Entities and what I think my connection to them would be, let’s go:

The Eye-I believe I could be a good avatar of the Eye because I’m super nosy, and have always been told I ask to many questions and am to curious and also I’m a pretty open book myself.

The Spiral-If I had to Pick an Entity I think I’d be most likely to serve it would be the Spiral. I have a lot of mental health issues and I have a hard time figuring out what’s real and what’s fake within my perception, Also I’m Pansexual and Pangender and I have ADHD so….

The Flesh-Think I could definitely be at least marked by The Flesh due to a history of $elf Harm (getting better!) and my fondness for NBC Hannibal.

The Lonely-Depression and Anxiety make me prime real-estate for the lonely and I have a bad tendency of dwelling in my own misery at times and finding comfort in that which is what this entity feeds on.

The Slaughter-I’ve got some anger issues and have a bit of a violent tendency at times (working on it).

The Hunt-Used to (still do) love games like tag and hide and seek, I really loved the adrenaline rush those games give you, especially in the woods or something.

The Stranger-I have a bit of a hard time feeling human, I feel like I’m doing it wrong most of the time, like I’m just ever so slightly off compared to everyone else, like I’m just pretending.

The Web-Manipulative parents need I say more.

The Dark-Always loved the dark, find it very comforting.

The End-I’ve never been scared of death, I’ve had some past suicidal issues and now I’m currently studying to be a funeral director/embalmer.

The Desolation-My family has a history of Arson in the sense that one of my grandmas siblings almost burnt their house down because they liked to play with matches, my grandmas son did burn a playground down because he liked to play with matches and my grandmas granddaughter (me, hi) also has almost burnt her house down (multiple times) due to enjoying playing with matches.

The Corruption-Probably my worst fear, when I was younger I loved bugs but these day they make me so uncomfortable, thinking about them makes me itch, and similar idea with rot in general I just hate it, this fear would have a easy time feeding on me.

The Buried-Similar to the dark, I actually do not mind super confined spaces and in fact find them sort of comforting at times.

The Vast-I used to really love to climb trees but I could never get to high up because I was scared of how unsteady it felt, in general I like climbing shit to be up high but if it feels unstable I feel like I’m about to pass out.

the Exctinction-Lived through a pandemic and constantly being informed about different new events that could end the world.

If you read all this, hot damn I love you wow thank you so much haha, this was purely self indulgent as ive seen other people do it and I find the fears so interesting.

[nie7027]

Ive been avoiding sense8 spoilers for years but lately I've been curious and from the little I have allowed myself to see I think Kala ends up with both Wolfgang and Rajan

AND GOD PLEASE LET IT BE REAL

I love Rajan so much(his phrase "Parents do their best for their kids and it's our duty to forgive them for that" has haunt me and my therapist sessions since the first time I heard it) and you have no idea how much I would love him to be in the know about all the whole sensate thing. HE WOULD GO NUTS. HE WOULD BE OVERJOYED.

This man loves Kala so much there's no way he can't love (either romantically or platonically) her soulmates too. Not only they are part of her but they also care for her and watch over her and Rajan would love that. Would love to know there's more people in the world who can see how awesome Kala is. Who share his love for her

AND HE WOULD BE SO JEALOUS

Because he would love to be in the cluster, he would love to have that connection and know what Kala feels and share his own feelings with her.

AND THIS IS SPECIALLY TRUE IF YOU ADD WOLFGANG INTO THE MIX.

Because at least Kala can express herself and has the emotional intelligence to talk about her feelings but Wolfgang is a godammn block of stone AND RAJAN WANTS TO KNOW HOW HE FEELS.

Because he is now dating this strong as fuck German and yes it was sudden but he loves him. He loves him, he loves his the same way he loves Kala, and he knows Wolfgang went through some shit so he wants to be there for him. BUT ITS HARD AS FUCK WHEN SAID MAN RARELY OPENS UP AND TALKS

And it's so unfair Kala has this advantage (and Kala will laugh at how much Rajan whines about it while secretly sharing it Wolfgang).

He wishes he could know what's he's feeling

He and detective Mun befriend because of this. They form the "We are dating a hard to read sensate and we aren't even part of the cluster. (Do you understand our suffering?)" club.

Except Mun isn't suffering. He enjoys slowly learning about Sun. Slowly seeing her open to him.

Rajan does too.

Its just sometimes his impatience (and the culture differences) gets the best of him and he has crises where he feels he isn't being a good partner to Wolfgang.Completely unaware that seeing someone getting so worked up over correctly caring for him hits right into that deep tender part of Wolfgangs heart.

All his life Wolfganf grew up surrounded by people who harmed in a daily basis without a csend thought and now he gets this. Two partes who love and care deeply for him( and the cluster and Feliks of course). He's speechless and doesn't know what to do.

This only worsens Rajans crises.

Kala knows this and just enjoys watching this mess from afar. She's glad the boys of her life care so greatly for each other even if they are a dumpster on fire mess.

She eventually helps them.

Dani and Hernando, while not as in a dire situation as Rajan (Lito is an open book. It's impossible to not know what's he's feeling at all times. The boy might be an professional liar but no. He can't trick Hernando nor Dani) they still have to get used to the whole sensate thing.

They and Rajan form the club "We are in a poly relationship with a sensate/sensates (we are still unsure whether we are only dating just them or if we are actually dating the whole cluster... not that we mind ofc)" club.

It's Amanita and Nomi the ones who are laughing at all of this.

Not everybody can make such perfect and healthy relationship nor tackle the whole sensate thing as easily as them.

Sadly I don't know mucho about Capheus girlfriend but I guess she's on the some boat as detective Mun. The "Wow, this is so cool" club.

[sankttealeaf]

Oomf I'm busy catching up on ur fic and you've done 265k words which is roughly 700 pgs if physically published. How does that make u feel?

anon... i think about this fact daily.

i own crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky. ive held that book in my hands. ive seen how big that book is. ive read like. a handful of pages.

let sleeping dogs lie is longer than that.

early on when writing i had a cute idea of learning how to book-bind to make myself a physical copy of it and now i cant do it. thats so long. i'd need to split it into two parts. or three. or by chapter.

ive been writing this fic for a year this month and i still can't believe durgetash of all things has made me write a book LONGER than crime and punishment.

it's a treat for you guys who want a long fic to settle into but i can't comprehend that this is something i've done (and i do really enjoy reading comments of people who binge read the fic in a few days. shoutout to my friend who said she was going to wait for me to finish the fic and then decided to read the fic in smth like 2 days?? 3 days?? youre insane for that)

i didnt plan for it to get so long!!! im incapable of writing a short and sweet story!! it blows my mind every time i see the word count grow!! i edit! i cut things out! there's scenes that had to be scrapped because i said to myself "this is getting too long" it makes me go aaaaaaaaaa!!

it's looking like we may hit just under 300k words when it's properly finished. i need to go bury myself under some dirt for a year

also in the early days i was writing 10k words A WEEK!!! i had a weekly-ish upload schedule!!!!! what's wrong with me!!!! now im taking my time to make sure i dont burn out but oh my god. past me you are mad.

thank you anyone who's ever looked at my fic on the ao3 tag for durgetash and has gone "wow. that author is out of their mind" because you are RIGHT!

and also big thank you to anyone who's reading or is caught up with the fic. i owe you my life actually. its a labour of love and the fact that anyone went "lets read a book" means the world to me <3<3

[softness-and-shattering]

Reminder/PSA that healing from trauma can look like laziness, like low effort, like holiday, even.

Its taking time to rest, relax, be slow, do fun enjoyable things. Ivr had a good few days for healing, and Ive been reading a book, sitting outside, doing some stretches, chilling/parallel playing with my partner (like cats, when being im each others vicinity counts as hanging out, thats parallel play).

I also did a little housework; I folded some laundry, washed a towel a cat mightve peed on, washed a corner of the bathroom floor thats been bothering me for months. Not nothing, but not super intense and I didnt push myself much.

And I played a lot of Stardew Valley, some Hades (still havent beaten 32 heat but I did almost get to Hades stage 2; I thought Id taken off that final extreme measures but alas). I had a drs appointment.

It was a good mix of fun, responsibilities to keep things moving, and a bunch of just existing, pausing, breathing, enjoying existing and letting myself stay in that moment instead of bustling off to the next Activity.

I even did some art that I intended to be experimental/practice, but i loved it so much Ive put it up on the wall. I feel like Im in a good groove.

And I still have a voice in my head saying Im lazy, Im irresponsible, I have a bad work ethic. Nah I have a great work ethic. My job is to heal and to manage my health and energy as best I can. Yeah it feels a bit like Im on holiday, no stress no worries because Im getting quite practised at staying clear of my limits so i dont fall off them. And that means Im doing this right. Im feeling comfortable. Im feeling safe.

If I pushed myself could I get things done faster and more efficiently? Mmm. Other people could. Still thinking about my therapist, "is it slow, or is this just the time that it takes?". Its just taking me time. I cant book an appointment for every day of the week and get on top of everything all at once, if I could do that I might be able to work a job, I wouldnt be nearly so disabled. So I am. And I hope this gentleness will let me increase my capacity, in howrver much time that takes, but even if it doesnt, living in stress and misery is worse, and it makes my capacity and health worse. So Im gonna keep going slow, and as relaxed as I can while managing life as best I can because I have increasing evidence that this works. And the stress route leads to burnout.

I mean Ive been staring at that gross bathroom corner for months, and today when Im chilling, I have the mental space and energy available to actually take those steps. Its good. Its how healing happens. Slow. Ideally slow and steady but not always steady. Not always linear.

[urmomluvbot]

i just read a little life and here's a messy review of the book by saying my opinion on people's takes on it

[THERE WILL BE SPOILERS] also dont expect this to be professional etc

i want to start off by saying that this book is like willem's movie "life after death"; either people absolutely loved it or people hated it. and i fucking love this. would i be rereading it? probably not. but would i think of jude for the rest of my days? yes.

the thing i keep reading about from the people who didnt like it is that a) it's a trauma porn, b.) it's lengthy with various of unnecessary parts, and c.) its just a sad book with a sad ending.

something that i dont really understand is people's need and urge and want to always, always read a book expecting a happy ending. ("and books lied, they made things prettier"). spoiler alert: life isnt like that! its ugly and u cant always run away from its ugliness, no matter how hard you try. no matter how hard jude tried. and i always had this hunch, when i was first reading it, that it wont end the way i'll like it, but still i hope and hope and hoped for jude and for all of them, and thats just the Human part of me. my in denial.

as someone who struggled from mental health, i actually guiltily thought in the middle of the book, "why hasnt he k!lled himself yet?" even before jude's attempt. i cant handle the thought of putting myself in his situation and pushing through, and that's the reality as well. you thought about it and yet , complying to it somehow makes you think that the hyenas won. that brother luke won, that dr traylor won. and the thing about jude is he always try. he tried to get through life, he tried to accept romance in his life, he tried and he tries to accept everyone's devotion and help because even though he feels like he doesn't deserve it; he feels like he owes them that at least. to try.

i can see how people, especially the first ones when it just came out, may be put off by the tones and the topics of this book, but as years went by and it grows in popularity, the trigger warnings had been set. one thing ive set my mind to when i bought the book is the advice i was given: to only read it when im in a stable stage of my life, and that's why it took me almost a year before i started reading it after buying it. the triggers are listed for anyone to see. YES. those things do happen in real life. those things, esp the rape and physical mental and verbal abuse DO come in hand majority of the time. the book is not trauma dumping or a trauma porn: it simply tells. (imo, its on YOU if u think this is a trauma porn. imo, it says a lot about you as a person).

the book is lengthy because it is intended to be, the "unnecessary parts" are not just fillers but a stepping stone to unraveling jude's past, to fully grasp the situation. they are there for a reason. you can skim through the book if you want to avoid them: but believe me when i say you wont fully get the book if you do. the book is not meant to be enjoyed. its meant to tell a story, to make you feel things for the characters, may it be pity or joy or anger.

jude is not meant to be understood or to help or to be pitied at, hes meant to exist. and those things are something that was given to him willingly by the people he loved. and the characters are all flawed. andy is a bad doctor, willem is lovable and maybe had too much love, malcolm is perfect (i love him so much), jb is infuriating most of the times, harold shouldve pushed more. they all shouldve pushed more, but they cant. because the way they love is also flawed and it gets in the way, because judy is also flawed. hes stubborn and confusing. but those are traits that makes them all human.

ive reblogged this before but ill say it again: ik its a meme, but not everything can be solved through therapy. again, it took jude YEARS to finally tell willem his past– willem. willem who jude probably trust with his life, who he lets help him and seeked out for him when he was bleeding to death from cutting too much. you think jude would talk to a shrink he barely knows? someones whos literally paid to talk to him? not even jb and malcolm knew.

smth i wanna address that i rlly dont get is people who claims it's homophobic, and i really and genuinely cant see it, as a lesbian person myself. every talk about sexuality (if there even is any thats worth noting for this part), had come naturally. everyone existed how people exist with each other. even when willem and jude got together, theres barely any talk about willem's sexuality. also, hot take (/s): sexuality is confusing!! not everyone wants to label themselves. ive known multiple ppl who majorly likes girls only, but have fallen for their recent boyfriend. it happens, surprise! not everyone wants to put themselves in a box.

in conclusion: i think people expects this book to turn out for the better as a psychological response. surprise, it doesn't. my opinion? it's not meant to be enjoyed. i dont recommend this to anyone but only because it IS devastating and im a sadist if i want people to experience those feelings the book will brought. however, the characters, the delivery of the story and the pacing, and hanya's god bowing writing style are what makes this book GREAT. great ≠ happy ending, just like how sad ending ≠ bad book. thanks!

[werrrrrd]

CHARLES XAVIER X OC pt.15!! whoop whoop

WARNINGS FOR ENTIRE STORY: shock therapy, manipulation, death, suicide, surgery is mentioned including an undetailed description, stitches, slight malnutrition, forcive murder, abuse of authority, blood, lots of blood stuff since this is like her power, anger issues, aggression, mentions of murder as well as the actual murder, mind reading, OC is not very kind to herself sometimes, let me know if you notice any others. No sexual assault but definitely Shaw being creepy.

AN: it was a long wait! thanks for being patient, most likely there will only be 2-3 parts more for this story. I'm not gonna lie I was literally drifting in and out of consciousness while I was doing a quick edit of it so the writing might be worse than usual and there are likely some typos. I would do it again but I don't feel like it haha. But its another little soft domestic life sort of chapter with just a bit of TRUAMA in the middle so enjoy that.

To be able to care for someone the way I wished someone had cared for me when I had been with Shaw was an extremely healing experience. I felt constantly like I was floating, the weight I had held for many many years gone. Charles was of course perfect, always checking on me. The other day I walked into my room to find a book placed on my bed, a collection of short stories. A note was attached that read.

“Ive been meaning to read this for a while now but it seems I never have the time. Perhaps you can recount the stories to me if they catch your interest? - Yours Charles”

That night I stayed up late. I read an entire third of the book and when I ran into Charles the next day, I couldn't help but thank him with a small peck on his cheek. I told him what the stories were about and admired the way he blushed at me. 

Unfortunately there is always something that still needs addressing. After resting for a good few weeks I felt completely recovered from my injuries. Charles and I were sitting on either end of the couch in the lounge, our legs tangling in between us. Charles set his book down and looked at me. I felt curiosity rise in his emotions. Curiosity mixed with reservation. He had a question that was being stifled, and I did not like it. 

“Go on and say it.” I watched him. He opened his mouth, shutting it when he couldn't think of the words. I sat up getting slightly impatient, but I waited a second to let him arrange his words, a trait I was slowly picking up from him. 

“Youre mutation… its a sort of traumatic trigger for you, yes?” he asked.

Now it was my turn to process my thoughts. I hadn't been expecting that question, and I realised why he had been suppressing it earlier. It was a sensitive subject I suppose and he didn't want to upset me.

“I… I think so, yeah.” 

“Hmm…” Charles said, his hand on his chin speaking slowly. “Would you be open to trying some things, maybe a sort of exposure therapy? Something to help you create a healthy relationship with your powers? Only if it interests you though, you don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing,” He reminded me.

I smiled to myself as I thought for a moment “...explain what exactly you mean” my voice was not accusatory so he took that as a good sign and went ahead to continue.

Charles closed his book entirely and set it on the coffee stand next to us. 

“I believe every mutant is blended with their mutation, it is a part of their identity, intermingled with the rest of who they are and that connection can never be severed, even when they don't use their abilities. It is a thing to be celebrated, that connection. I want you to be able to embrace that part of yourself, I don't like that you've been made to feel that your mutation isn't yours, that it was a tool for someone else. I want you to reclaim it as your own.” He said softly. 

My heart picked up slightly at what he had said. Nerves and anxiety arising within me. He was right, even if I didn't use it ever again, my mutation was a part of who I was that could not be ignored or repressed. And the things that had happened because of my mutation were not things I looked fondly back on. My mutation was still Shaws, even with the good things I had done with it, healed raven, helped Charles, It was not mine. After years of not having control over what I did with my powers, in my mind they became someone else’s. Charles was reminding me that they were mine and that I needed to work to heal that relationship between me and my mutation. 

I ran my hands through my hair and down my face. My eyes flitted as I thought, before coming back to Charles. 

“Im willing to try whatever you think may help.”

Charles' blue eyes lit up, slightly surprised. 

“Are you sure? You know that its only if you want to, if you feel like its-”

“-Yes im sure charles! I trust you.” I interrupted, my voice firm. Charles stopped speaking to look at me intently, observing my expression as closely as he could from where he was. This didn't seem to be enough so he sat up until we were only a foot or two apart, his face becoming the only clear thing in my frame of vision. It seemed to get clearer the longer I looked at it, everything past it a blurry mess. His eyebrows furrowed and his finger tips came to rest on my cheek making me shiver inwardly. The smallest smile made its way to his face and he let out a spout of air from his nose, his chest releasing tension.

“Alright dear. Thank you… for trusting me.”

We began small, Charles instructed me to feel the people around me. This wasn't much of a challenge for me. It had always been a natural thing for me to do, I did it even when Shaw wasn't around I would use my powers to feel the warmth in the blood of everyone near, how they were feeling, the motions they were doing. 

I felt around through the house, I felt people in their rooms, some napping, some working out, some just sitting. I felt a calm rush through me at the restfulness of the mansion. No one seemed to be on edge, all recognised that they were safe in this place with these people. No one's heart was hammering in anger, no one's fists were clenching preparing to strike. 

“You seem to be handling it well.” Charles noted.

“This part of my abilities is different from the rest. I think it's because I'm not controlling anything, just observing it in its present state. Kind of like your telepathy in a way, I don't feel like I'm endangering anyone by letting myself sense their presence and the space they hold.” I had my eyes closed and my hands resting in my criss crossed legs. When I opened them, Charles was smiling softly at me. 

The next day we were in Charles study. I was sitting in on a game of chess between him and Erik, not paying much attention. I heard Erik mumble a quick, “check…mate” before Charles chuckled lightly and tpok Erik's hand to shake over the table. 

“How has your training been, May?” Erik asked without looking at me. 

“We haven't done much but it's good so far.” I replied

Erik's eyes flicked to Charles who stared back with something in his eyes. His elbows rested on the table and hands clasped together in front of his mouth obscuring most of his face from me. He seemed to be reading Erik, though I couldn't tell if it was with his powers or just by observing his expression. Charles let out a sigh before leaning back in his chair and looking over at me.

“Do you think you're ready for the next step, perhaps?”

I tilted my head and pursed my lips, slightly dreading it. But I knew that I wanted to do this, that it was important to me. I think maybe, some of my will to do this sourced also from Charles, I could feel in him a desire to make things better for me and help me heal from my past and that desire was seeping into me, not that that was a bad thing. 

‘I think so,”

Soon the chess table was set to the side and I was sitting in Charles’ seat, Erik across from me. His eyes were like steel. I wasn't sure if he was trying to be intimidating but I didn't succumb to it regardless. My back was straight and my hands were firm in their placement on the table. Charles was standing to the side with his arms crossed instructing me to tap into Erik's blood and feel it within him. 

I felt it pulsating, a strong heart beat, a quick and efficient system. I almost rolled my eyes. Of course Erik's blood health was top notch, this guy was practically a machine. 

Charles laughed next to me, my thought sounding into his head by accident. 

“Right, let's try something small first. How about moving his hand, does that sound alright?”

I nodded and Erik placed his hand on the table where I could see it. I felt my heart beat quicken slightly and a headache budded just at the thought of controlling his hand, but one glance at Charles and I felt my resolve increase. I took a quick deep breath in and out and flicked my finger up, a motion to make the blood in his hand lift.

His hand remained still on the table. 

I chuckled a little bit. “Are you resisting?” I said to him, I figured he was just trying to lighten the mood, though unlike Erik, was appreciated. 

He shook his head at me, not a single bit of humor in his eye. I furrowed my eyebrows and did it again, a small confused smile on my face.

 I did it again. This time my whole hand came up in an attempt to guide Erik's hand to lift. Not even a tendon twitched, nothing happened. He wasn't resisting, I could feel it, no extra blood was being sent to his arm to fight me off. It just wasn't moving. My smile quickly faded

My heart beat quickened and I pulled my hands off the table to grip the arms of the chair I was sat on. My eyes flashed up at Charles and then quickly around the room. I felt the panic rise within me, flashes of Shaw in my mind, reminding me of what was the punishment for when I didn't use my powers the way I was told to. Although I knew I was safe here, fear washed over me in remembrance of when I wasn't.

Charles felt the rise of emotions in me and came to kneel beside me, close to eye level, his hands going to my shoulders. His sudden movement made me jump and my hands twitched to hold him still, He froze mid-movement and my whole body tensed. Our eyes locked, both wide and confused. My head was spinning and my headache started to gnaw at my skull. Quickly though, I came to my senses and let him free. He dropped and regained control of his body. 

I swallowed thickly and put my head in my hands apologizing

“It's alright love, It's okay.” Charles backed up just slightly. I fought back tears, not wanting to feel weak. He ignored the subtle quiver in my chin and stared as I ran a palm over my forehead to brush the hair out of my face, his hands clasped firmly on the chair. 

Erik across from us had his brows furrowed and watched me scrutinizingly. 

“Its triggered by your emotions then, fear probably, maybe pressure.”

Charles hummed, still focused on me. I focused on getting my breathing under control, not much processing what Erik had said, not really sure if I had even heard him right with the blood rushing in my head deafeningly loud. 

After a few moments, I calmed down and felt a wave of exhaustion following my adrenaline rush. 

“Maybe you should rest. We can try again tomorrow if you're feeling well enough,”

I nodded weakly. Charles stood and gently helped me stand before leading me out of the door and down the hallway to my room. On the way there I felt Charles' emotions turn to guilt. He was afraid he had pushed me too far too soon. It was making his gut tighten and his hands that were being used to carefully guide me to my bed shook ever so slightly.

“Im… im ok, really.” I put a hand on my chest where my heart was before I had sat down on my bed. 

“No, you're not. I'm sorry, I need to be more careful with this-” “Charles please! I'm alright, it's not your fault.” I sat down on my bed and patted the spot next to me. He looked at where I patted guiltily and then looked back at me. I didn't understand how someone's eyes could always be so starry and captivating. Every time he looked at me it was like his eyes were drawing me in, making me lose balance. 

He let out an exhale and took a seat next to me. He held his arms awkwardly close to himself, almost afraid to touch me. I realized he didn't want to scare me, not out of fear of what I would do, but fear that he would hurt me. I turned in my spot to face him, he didn't meet my gaze but I could tell he was listening.

“Dont you dare.” I spoke sternly

“What?” He looked at me wide eyed

“Blame yourself for that, for my reaction.” I said “That had nothing to do with you, you know that.”

“You panicked! I shouldn't have come at you like that, I should have taken it slower,” It was almost as if he was trying to convince me why I should be angry. I wasn't liking it one bit. Why was he blaming himself for something that wasn't under his control?

“No!, you did nothing wrong, I thought I was ready, and maybe I wasn't but that's not your fault.”

Charles sighed quietly. “I just want you to feel safe,”

I laughed making him furrow his eyebrows

“I feel safe Charles. Safer than I have been, probably ever. And the only reason for that is because of you. If it weren't for you I'd still be with Shaw, or dead in that damn parking garage.” I paused to make sure he understood what I was saying. “To be honest, if that had been anyone but you coming towards me, likely I would have sent them flying through the wall.” 

He smiled a little bit at that. 

“I just want to be sensitive, I don't want to rush you into anything,”

“I don't feel rushed in the slightest, and honestly, with Shaw still out there, maybe I need to be a little more rushed.” 

Charles shook his head at me looking serious. “I told you not to worry about that,”

“I don't think I can not worry about it, I'm sorry. But I want to be ready for when I'm needed, and even if I'm not needed, I want to help. I want to be a good person, on the goodside ”

“You are on the good side now, but you've always been a good person.” Charles whispered. My eyes filled with tears at the words that he said. I almost felt my heart being stitched back together, something deep within me filling with love. I chewed my lip to keep it from trembling. My eyes shut and let my chin drop as the tears dripped and slid hot tracks down my cheeks. 

I felt Charles, his hands twitched in his lap, the urge to reach for me strong but the worry of scaring me again making them stay put. I opened my eyes to stare at him again, his expression torn.

“You can touch me… please touch me.” I cried softly. 

His face crumpled and he immediately came closer, his fingers wiping the tears from my cheeks before stroking my hair back and cradling my head in his shoulders where I cried out the emotions of the day. He kissed the side of my head, grounding me to him. My arms wrapped around him, his presence making everything feel like it was going to be ok. 

After completely wetting the shoulder of his shirt with tears I pulled away. He watched me closely, about to ask if I needed anything before I grabbed him gently by the head and brought our lips together. 

He let out a small gasp before melting into me. My lips were wet and salty with tears, tears that were still coming. The emotion in the kiss was making my head spin, my gut swirling with affection. He soon pressed his hands to my face pulling us apart so we could catch our breaths, and rested his forehead against mine. 

“You should go to sleep, rest up, Can I get you some water?” Charles whispered, his hands slid from my face to my neck where he lightly stroked my collarbones. I nodded softly, my eyelids drooping. He let out a soft “Okay” before leaving me to get undressed and into bed. When he returned I was already nearly asleep despite still being sat up against the head board. 

“Here darling.” he put the glass in my hand which I took a few gulps of before setting down on my nightstand to finish tomorrow. I snuggled into bed, slipping down until my head was on the pillow. Charles pulled the covers up to my chin and stroked my face from where he was sat on the side of my bed.

“Thank you, you always take care of me.” I whispered, my eyes watching his every move, soaking in the tender look in his eyes. The calmness of the mansion once again washed over me before my eyes drifted shut and I sighed feeling warm and comfortable. The gentle touch of his fingers the last thing I felt before I fell asleep.

[miiilowo]

Hey Milo, follow-up question regarding In the Flesh: why does this exist.

(Like genuinely why are there FNAF books. Is it a sales thing? AFAIK the lore is different in some ways and none of it is directly referenced in any of the games, where did the books come from? WHO WROTE THESE)

i dont. know..........

The FNAF books originally began as a main-line novel series. While still being sort of insane, they were...relatively? grounded; You had your main cast characters investigating an old Freddy's location. Hijinks ensue, alongside sexy robot clones of people that turn into sexier versions of already existing robots but im getting ahead of myself

The original novels aren't supposed to directly line up with the FNAF game timeline in any sense, and are more like an alternate universe that provides information to fill up holes and gaps in the lore of the games. And to get Scott Cawthon money of course

The other book series (Tales of The Pizzaplex & Fazbear Frights) fill the same niche, but instead of being a direct line of novels they're more like goosebumps books. they're anthologies. they have absolutely nothing holding them together, and they get batshit insane. i am wholly convinced that most of the people involved in these projects have no idea what fnaf even is on a base level, aside from "fucked up haunted robots at a pizzeria kill people"

some of them have good concepts, but are executed poorly. most of the time, they have bad concepts and are executed badly. sometimes they accidentally write what looks like intentional anti-trans allegories. sometimes a girl accidentally kills her friend in a...freddy fazbears pizza factory, only for her friend to only kind of be dead and for there to be like, two of her for some reason. sometimes they have springtrap mpreg. sometimes a kid's flesh gets replaced by sea monkeys that resemble bonnie. and of course lest we not forget FAZ GOO whatever the fuck FAZ GOO is

there's only one story that sort of feels FNAF to me, which would be one called bunny call. it mimics (ha. hahahahah. ha. sorry you wouldnt get that) the gameplay loop in a sense at one point, with a father trying to keep his family safe from an intruder as he makes a mad dash around the cabin, not letting it get in any of the entrances. that's all fine and good, but the COVER ART DOESN'T EVEN MATCH WHAT'S DESCRIBED IN THE BOOK ASIDE FROM IT BEING A CARTOON RABBIT

whatever purpose the books originally had has sort of been entirely lost and spun into it's whole separate universe with vague fnaf allusions, existing almost entirely to make money. at least, thats how fazbear frights was. what's worse is tales of the pizzaplex, a series in which you absolutely 100% cannot understand anything happening in security breach without reading them, and feels more like a band-aid solution to the absolutely abysmal storytelling and lore that game didn't get to execute. i could go on for hours and hours about SB's cut content and story, but thats not the point here

i've yet to find a diehard fnaf fan who actually enjoys these things. which, i suppose, makes sense, since theyre more targeted toward children (which is odd considering all the extreme body horror in almost every single book, when you remember they wouldnt let vanny have her knife in SB for the sake of family friendliness) but it doesn't change the fact that theyre just absolutely fucking nuts and incoherent

i typed out way more than i wanted to here but ive been thinking about the books a LOT recently. i thought the sci-fi angle the main novels took was bad, unaware of the world of terror i was about to unleash by checking these out

[neoarchipelago]

tw for rape and sorta mentions of suicide (just basically saying kys in context ) for those very sensitive or triggered by these!!

but like i went through all the posts i could find and they never said anything bad about non con or dubcon she said rape fics were bad- and the point of her being a “hypocrite” for writing dubcon confuses me as why would someone who didnt support that stuff write it? it doesn’t make sense to me. i understand not liking her point on the kys bit but you guys got really hung up on it and completely missed the point of it about literal rape being romanticized and used as a fetish, not noncon and the likes used as a coping mechanism. it breaks my heart to see especially from people i supported and enjoyed a lot and got me into this community supporting rape. ive dealt with lots of sexual assults and have been raped myself a few times starting from a young age and let me tell you, its horrible. me and my boyfriend do get quite rough at times and do indulge in things like noncon- something that is used to cope and can help- and it is so much different than actually being raped. if you like it rough and dirty trust me girl i completely get it but actually being raped is the most demeaning, violating, and live devastating things that can happen- not to mention the other physical side affects of it. not trying to spread hate, maybe i should be for supporting it, but im more just sad? like seeing a community im so into and my biggest comfort character ( who also has dealt with rape) supporting and defending it all just feels like a betrayal and so debilitating. so many of my safe spaces have been ruined in a physical and metaphysical sense and it just reminds me of the sa when i was a teenager and other boys on my team (i was raped and abused by multiple wrestlers as i was the only girl in the sport in a very large state wide tournament hosted by my school) joking about it and making it not serious not taking me serious and sexualizing the whole situation and thinking i was lucky for a chick. just sickening and heartbreaking to see and the worst throwback thursday ever.

Hi love. First of all, I'm truly sorry of what happened to you. No one should ever have to go through that and you are truly amazingly strong.

Thank you for sharing your point through respect and calm.

I'd like to throw you back to this essay that explains my point of view here. Of course, it's understandable if you don't accept it. I'm not here to convince anyone on this. This is sharing a point of view.

Here, hoping that you fully understand.

This will however be the last time I'll debate on this subject, further comment or anons will simply get a copy paste.

THIS CONTAINS SA , SH AND SEXUAL CONTENT, BE CAREFUL

I- dub-con, non-con and CNC kink in fiction.

A- the place of these themes in fiction and how it separated from reality.

I think the line has to be drawn. A line people seem to forget too easily. Obviously, rape is a horrible thing. This fact has never been refuted in any fics or novels or books. No writer will ever tell you, ‘rape is awesome and soooo romantic’.

Fiction is absolutely fiction. We are aware of it. There's a big difference. This obviously something readers choose to read being aware of fiction. Being aware that the real thing is horrible. Warnings and tags are always there to avoid readers unaware of it.

B- the differences with other themes

One thing I've been asked is what kind of difference writing rape is from writing dub-con or even pedophilia?

On dub-con, the line is blurred. Softer, protagonist may be in a path where the sexual action is wanted but blocked by the mind or pushed to it by the other protagonist, forcing their own need to give in. It is still seen as rape as consent is not fully given. There's not much difference from non-con. Writers usually use this tag to avoid any triggers to people.

For pedophilia, let's see this in a more details. I think we can all agree that all these themes, dub-con, CNC, non con, always involve adults. Whatever it is the kink, or in stories, it’s adults. Adults who are aware of what sex is and what this kink it. Children should never be near any of those themes. It's not about kinks anymore, children don't have kinks.

II- the reality of voicing your opinion on internet

A- SA victims and SH victims, sexual shame

Now there's something we need to talk about. Writing theses themes are used by many as a coming mechanism. SA victims may often use these writings to help the aftermath of these events in their own life.

In the kink itself it's something that obviously causes a lot of shame towards people who are not part of it. But many things need to be said. It's a need for a control of a situation that is dangerous and traumatizing. It's a sign of truth with your partner. Fiction is a way to live that fantasy in full safety as they are clearly aware of the truth of that situation in real life.

Now the thing that has started this whole conversation was the ‘don’t forget to tell rape kink writers to off themselves’.

It is not a small detail. Not at all!

This is where fiction is separated from reality. You are telling a real person to commit a real act that could lead to fatal consequences.

Obviously I think we’re all aware that many people on this website suffer from depression, self harm tendencies and bullying. I do too. Your words matter. Trust me. We’ve seen it with Inquisitor’s death while a live TikTok.

Many other tiktokers who had helped not only spread rumors but bully the creator only realized their mistake once he killed himself.

This is a no turn back situation.

Do you think you have the guts to wake up in the morning, knowing someone killed themselves because they wrote something you were against? That you are the reason they died? Their families are grieving?

You can find an article on the CNC kink here:

-https://www.choosingtherapy.com/consensual-non-consent/

B- respect even through anger

We have established one thing. The internet is a wild, free universe. Anyone can say or write or post whatever they want.

You are free to voice out your opinion, anger amongst these binary and servers. But one thing that is not ok is the way you say it.

A point doesn't need to be full of hate or threats to be said. Especially when serious consequences could be blown by it.

Everyone has their opinion, things they don't like. You are free to avoid tags, not read, block people. Protect yourself first. But attacking isn't protecting yourself. You’re simply causing another kind of harm.

People need to own up to their words and actions.

If you tell someone to kill themselves, it's horrible. It's an actual crime. A full crime.

-

[yagamisdiary]

I have a love hate relationship with the fact that you enjoy making us suffer throughout the entirety of your books and making us think they will have a bad ending just to give us the best possible endings ever 🥲 ugh i love you so much youre my favorite author ever, while im here i apologize for the incoming paragraphs but i just need to say it:

1. Idk how you do it but the book covers you choose are always so perfect like?? Idk if im explaining myself but i feel like they capture the vibes of the books perfectly

2. Ok now this is kinda personal and i dont mean to sound like im venting, but have you ever read a fic that impacted you so much to the point where you find yourself still thinking about it to this day 😭 bc that's how i feel about both of ur books, they're so beautifully written and i'm always thinking about the characters or going back to read random parts of the books (edit: i had this paragraph written way before parasite was removed okay but i started rereading eldia yesterday because im truly heartbroken, devastated, downcast, miserable, dejected and inconsolable by the fact that its finished)

I discovered you in july-ish 2021 during parasite era but didnt actually read it until june 2022, i was devastated when i finished it but also had to cleanse my soul cause i accidentally burnt my self out during the last few chapters (i mean it in a good way lol, it was rlly hard to read the last 2 chapters 🙇‍♀️ they were written really well and i felt unsettled while reading the beginning of y/ns whole breakdown, i could feel the gloomy depressed vibe it had if you get what i mean), so anyway i moved on to Eldia. At that time, it was fairly new so there were only like 10 or 11 chapters, ive been keeping up with Eldia ever since and its truly bittersweet to see it end like i was literally full on sobbing for no reason 🥲 probably the sentiment of being a reader for 2 years idk lol. Anyway what im trying to say is that your books were one of the only things that helped me escape reality in 2022, i didnt really find joy in anything and hated my life, however ive definitely improved ever since, so im honestly rlly thankful for you Amara 💕

Edit: i just know it sounds stupid and youre probably tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but i've had this written out for like 5 months and was kinda scared to send it because i felt like it was corny, but with Eldia's resolution i felt encouraged seeing all these people tell you what they think :P so sorry for the long ass paragraph lmao, i just needed to say it because i know in 10 years ill be a grown ass woman and still thinking about these books, theyre attached to my brain forever (like a parasite, ironic)

Ok so i doubt ppl will read this (or that you'll even read all of it) so if you reached the end i must say that you actually ate with the baby names in Eldia 🤭 im saying it here to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone but Andromeda 😪 i remember in early july i sent you an anon ask saying that i pictured you as a girl mom and even listed a few names, i was gonna list Andromeda so its kinda funny to me 😭 and Elrose?? Andromeda is my fav name but Elrose grew on me and i actually rlly like it, idk why it just sounds and looks so satisfying OMG DAMN I JUST SCROLLED UP AND DID I REALLY WRITE ALL OF THAT?? IM SO SORRY AMARA 😭😭 i definitely had way more to say but i feel bad now, it was gonna be an anonymous ask but atp i'll just let it be public

to conclude i must say that whenever someone asks me what my favorite books are, i hate that im not able to say "Oh my favorite books are parasite and eldia" because they're considered fanfics and not 'real books', i think thats really stupid, not only because fanfiction is just as valid as what ppl consider 'real books' but because there are so many fanfictions turned into real books or movies?? Ok im done (for now) but as you can tell im not really good at going straight to the point sorry for writing about 10 paragraphs love you queen vivan las escritoras latinas 🤞

1. honestly i find a pic that fits the vibe i want the book to give before i even write the story then i just somehow find a way to incorporate the cover

ex) eldia’s cover is jean with wine all over him, iykyk there’s an exact scene in eldia that references the cover

2. thank u so much 🥲 the ppl who have stuck around the longest always say the most sweet stuff bc yall really have been alongside me for so many years now and were like growing together which is kinda cool

3. i wanted a name that had ambrose and elijah both in it and it was either elrose or embrose but i ended up liking elrose more, embrose was too similar to ambrose

4. i don’t mind the length of the message at all! i love love love reading all the stuff i receive and the ones that are the longest stick with me the most. 🫶🏼