#ive been crying for the last two hours and then you send me this

[kkyaka]

okay... imagine waking up beside connie in the morning, modern au. i think he sleeps with a shirt on bc his skin is sensitive but i also like to think he's a wild sleeper until you get in bed with him. i would like to say the same about jean but he sleeps hot, without a shirt, and in one spot but if his sleepy brain registers its you in bed beside him then he's curling an arm around you for snuggles. youre a favorite writer of mine n i wanted to share thoughts w/u. have a nice night/day! *leaves zoom chat*

Anon PLEASE I LOVE SO MUCH WTF, I HAD SUCH A BAD DAY AND THIS MADE MY NIGHT IM GONNA CRY. IM A FAVORITE WRITER OF YOURS??? HELLO??? THATS SUCH A COMPLIMENT THANK YOU

Also yes, this is canon. Connie sleeping with a shirt on bc of his sensitive skin just made fall more in love with him omg. And Jean definitely is a walking FURNACE, there's no doubt about it

[forhappysake]

"Because I love you."

A/N - Guys I'm really into these sappy pieces recently. Pls feel free to send requests for something else if inspired. Also, I might be doing a pt.3 to Teach Me at some point, I just have to pick where the story is going.

Summary - A showdown with an unsub leaves you in the hospital. Spencer can't help but feel guilty. Could almost losing you push him to confess his love? (spoilers: yes it does)

Warnings - spencer x reader, BAU level violence, some angst on Spencer's part, fluff, and a love confession

You stared down at your hands, battered and bloodied from your futile attempts to fight back. Caught off guard during an interview with a man who was only supposed to be an eye witness,  not the unsub himself, forced you to fight for your life. By the time the neighbors heard the scuffle and called the local police to come to your rescue, you figured you looked like you’d been through seven rounds of an MMA fight. Your head ached, your eye was swollen shut, and you nearly cried in agony with every breath as you were certain you’d broken a rib. 

After a tense standoff with the local police, the unsub was in custody, leaving you on the floor with your many wounds. You managed to stand yourself up and walk out the door to the waiting ambulance, only to collapse into the EMT’s arms. You felt yourself being loaded in the back of the vehicle as they started an IV. As consciousness drifted away from you, you couldn’t help but wonder where your team was. 

***

You awoke in the hospital to the steady sound of your heart monitor beeping and muffled conversation from outside your room. Your bloodied clothes had been traded in for a hospital gown at some point, and your midsection was bound tightly with some sort of bandages, you assumed to keep your rib in place. You managed to open your good eye in an attempt to find the source of those muffled voices. Your eyes landed on Emily and JJ speaking in the corner of the room, voices hushed. 

“He can’t blame himself. None of us saw this coming,” Emily said, her voice stern but laced with concern. 

JJ shook her head. “He feels terrible, Emily. I’ve seen him come in and out of here crying three times in the last two hours. He rarely cries.” 

Who could they be talking about?

Emily looked at the floor in silence, trying to formulate a reply. JJ cleared her voice to speak again. “They’re partners, Emily,” JJ said, “Of course he’s going to blame himself.” 

Spencer. 

Deciding you’d had enough of eavesdropping, you did your best to sit up, only to let out a whimper when a sharp pain pierced your side. JJ and Emily turned to face you, surprised looks on both their faces. 

“Hey, just lay back,” JJ encouraged. She rushed to the bedside, placing a soothing hand on your arm.

“How long have I been asleep?” you asked. 

Emily shook her head, “Only twelve hours, which isn’t very much considering what you’ve been through. I’ll tell the doctors you need another IV and some pain medication.”

As she turned for the door, you shook your head, “Emily, wait.”

Emily turned to face you, coming to stand at the foot of your bed. “What is it?”

“Where’s Spencer?” you asked. Emily looked to JJ, the two of them sharing a knowing glance. You and Spencer had always been close, as partners and friends. 

“He’s been going back and forth between pacing the parking lot and the lobby for hours. I can’t imagine how many steps he’s taken,” Emily joked. “I’ll go get him for you.” With that, she turned and left the room, leaving you and JJ to catch up on what you’d missed in the last few hours. 

JJ explained what happened after you’d passed out: how the unsub was in custody, finding another victim in his basement, and the team realizing that they’d sent you out to interview the lunatic on your own. “We just thought he was going to give you some information about the case. We had no reason to think that he was the one who-”

You shook your head, holding up a hand to stop her. “I didn’t think so either. It’s why I agreed to go alone. Nobody’s at fault.” 

JJ nodded, a solemn look on her face. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. We were all so worried once we connected the dots. I was telling Emily - I haven’t seen Spencer so stressed in years.” 

As if on cue, both you and JJ turned to the sound of rushed footsteps coming down the hallway. Spencer’s tall frame was running (no, sprinting) down the hospital corridor. You felt a small smile tug at the corner of your lips as he burst into the room, hair danging in front of his eyes and clearly out of breath. 

He approached your bedside, leaning down so he could be face-to-face with you. You could only see him with one good eye, but you did your best to smile to show him that you were doing alright. You brought a hand to his face, pushing the fallen strands of hair out of his eyes so you could see him more clearly. “Hello to you too,” you joked. 

“Y/N-” Spencer started, the tears quickly gathering in his eyes, “I’m so sorry. I should’ve gone with you. I should have known that-” 

“That the guy who called into the tipline was actually the unsub? Spencer, be logical. None of us knew. I was just telling JJ, nobody is at fault.”

A single tear fell down his cheek as he examined your injuries. With each scratch and bruise he found, he felt another crack forming in his heart. He hadn’t protected you. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? He was your partner. Your best friend. He loved you, that he knew. He’d forced that love to be as platonic as he could make it, trying to avoid ruining your perfect friendship. It was moments like this that made that more difficult than ever, as he tried to reckon with his love and his guilt. 

Your bruised hand was still cradling his face. He could feel the bandages against his stubble, and he cursed himself again. It was only then that the other presence in the room became known to him. JJ stood on the other side of the bed, another knowing smile gently painting her lips. Spencer knew what he had to do. JJ knew what Spencer had to do. He looked at her, his eyes subtly asking her to leave the two of you alone. JJ took the hint with a small nod, leaving the room without another word as you and Spencer continued to examine each other. 

“So, JJ’s filled me in on what I missed,” I said, breaking the silence. “Sounds like a pretty exciting half day,” I joked. 

Spencer shook his head, pulling away from your hand. He didn’t go far, though, intertwining his own with yours as he leaned back from the bed. “I was worried sick,” he said. 

“I can tell, Spence,” you said, trying to prop yourself up with your pillow. “You really shouldn’t have been. You know I always come out of these things relatively unscathed.” He raised an eyebrow at your statement, taking in your swollen and bruised features. “Well… maybe not unscathed. Alive, at least,” you quipped. 

An eerie silence fell over the room. You could feel the tension increase as the gears turned in his head.

“But what if you don’t someday?” he whispered, his voice far away. You looked over at him, his eyes fixed on your heart monitor and the gentle green lines rising and falling accompanied by the signature beep-beep-beeping. 

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to bring him back down to Earth. “I’ll always come back, Spencer. It’s what you and I do. We come back alive for each other.” 

The tears that had pooled in his eyes earlier spilled over his cheeks as he let out a small whimper. He leaned down, gently wrapping his arms around you as he wept. “Hey, it’s okay Spencer,” you tried to calm him. 

“No, it’s not. It-it’s not because,” he trailed off. You could still feel his shoulders shaking as he cried. 

“Why, Spencer?” you asked once more. “Please, you can tell me anything.” 

Suddenly his sobs slowed. He pulled back from your embrace, taking in your features. Bruised and battered as you were, you were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. He felt like his heart was going to explode. Before his brain could catch up with his mouth, the words came tumbling out. “Because I love you,” he said simply. 

Your jaw dropped open at his words. While you should’ve seen this coming, nothing could prepare you for the way your heart jumped. If it wasn’t evident from the expression on your face, the heart monitor picked up its beeping, nearly doubling its pace. The sound wasn’t lost on Spencer, who frantically looked at the screen.

“Oh no,” he mumbled, quickly walking to the monitor. “Did I upset you? I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve just felt this way for so long and if I keep pretending like I don’t-”

“Spencer,” you cut him off, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in minutes. “I love you too.” 

The look on his face was priceless, and you wished you could have taken a picture, but you did your best to engrave it on your brain forever. His brown, teary eyes brightened in a moment, a glimmer of hope shining from within. “You do?” he asked. 

You laughed, allowing your head to fall back on the pillow behind you. “Spencer, I volunteer to work with you during nearly every case. We split a room every week. I only wished that you’d said this sooner so we could’ve split the bed, too.”

He stared at you in shock. The tears in his eyes long forgotten as a smile crept on his face.

A soft laugh left his mouth as he leaned down to you once more, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, careful to avoid any injured area. “Well, I promise that next time we can,” he said. “And,” he started once more, “I’m never letting you go anywhere by yourself again.”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers over his own. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[08melancholie]

Light Banter. — Micah/Reader

tags: Grief/Mourning, Loss, Death, Mistakes, Soft Micah Bell, Crying, Men Crying, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt, Emotional Hurt, Murder, Brutal Murder, no comfort, Minimal fluff, Trauma, Psychological Trauma, Not Proofread, Not Beta Read, no beta we die like micah bell, and reader lol

summary: The things Micah would do to go back in time and listen to Dutch, the things he'd said about you. Just for once, to rewrite this passage in his life. But that's an ending he may never face; so he must learn to cope with his mistake—both of your mistakes, and must do so all alone.

a/n: so ummmm ive been thinking abt my own fic for the entire two days ive been writing it LIKE i was in class imagining one of the scenes. micah bell angst LETS GOOOOO !!!!

words: 3,648 | AO3 LINK

Dutch is many things; controlling, manipulative, power-hungry—but somehow never wrong. And Micah had to learn that the hard way.

How he said the two of you were a match made in hell—he was right there. When he said you were both the biggest pains in his arse, always causing trouble wherever you went; when he had to put you both on camp-arrest, an attempt at lecturing you to not go into random bars and start fights; when he'd refuse to send you on jobs together, because he knew the outcome every time.

And you both should have listened, for once.

Another day brings you more trouble to stir. Micah and yourself have been out all day—early morning to late afternoon. Few folks were robbed; few non-compliant killed. It was a bit ruthless and brutal—but you were outlaws, so who cares?

Well, Dutch cared. Too much, in your opinion.

Always had his nose in your business, finding ways to scold you and Micah for any minuscule mission that ended in bloodshed or law. But that was your nature! And per his own word, you can't fight your nature—and so you won't.

Now, was that worth being sat in his tent, talked down to for hours? Well, yes. You either zoned out every time, or were struggling to hold in your chuckles and chortles with Micah; always worsening your situation.

Like today.

"You two are just.. unbelievable!" Dutch is scolding you like two children whom were just caught stealing candy from the corner store. He made you sit down on his cot before he started tearing into you both for another bar fight two towns over—initiated by Micah this time. "I sometimes just want to keep you both in camp, doing chores—because this isn't the way to go about." He adds, and it falls on deaf ears as you space out wherever while Micah just.. sits there, staring at him as if he's processing the words coming out of his mouth, when he in fact isn't. Dutch sees this and is simply fed up. "You know what? We're not gonna continue like this."

His next words get your attention instantly.

"I'm separating you two." Your eyes dart up to meet Dutch's dark ones, glistening with distaste. "No more sharing a tent; no more doing jobs together; hell, if you make me go that far, I'll prohibit you two speaking to each other." He barks, and you feel your heart drop to your feet.

"The fuck?" Dutch shoots you a glare at the vulgar reply and raised tone. "You can't do that, Dutch." You protest, standing up off the cot. Micah's head shoots up to look at Dutch, just as surprised and protesting.

He stands firmly above the two of you, looking and talking down on both. "I can do as I please," He stands back to his desk, where he previously was. "already had Charles start to move your—" He gestures to you. "—things out into a different tent at the other side of camp."

Your jaw goes slack and you feel like you have to pick it off the floor. "That.. Dutch! You can't be serious, that's just plain cruel!" You protest, clearly against the entire idea. But, everyone knows who has the last word; it's the reason Micah hasn't talked all night, and the reason he's been watching you, bewildered at how you're protesting to Dutch's word so confidently.

"I am not changing my mind; get out of my tent, both of you." He says firmly, and you have to be dragged out by Micah as to not pounce on Dutch right then and there.

Micah grabs you and—reluctantly, because he'd love to see you ravage the bastard like a wolf—leads you out of the tent, sighing after you exit and shut the flaps behind yourselves. "As much as I'd love to see it, I can't have 'ya killin' Dutch."

It felt much more real when you've left the tent.

Your eyes snap over to where you shared tent would be; split into two, like they were before you 'moved in' together. "This is bullshit.. he can't just segregate us!" You turn to Micah, who looks just as upset.

"I hear 'ya," He places his hands on his hips, looking at the tent as well. "but.. we both know there's nothing we can do." The truth in his words is painful, and you almost don't want to believe it. "Let me help get yer stuff in." He offers, and you nod with a small frown.

Micah helped you get your stuff across camp, the choice of being moved surprising most onlookers who caught a glimpse of what was going on. You just felt worse; even they didn't understand the choice Dutch made. You were reluctant on sorting the last item in its original place, slowly placing your last book into a drawer. "I.. I won't be used to this—I can't do this, Micah." You turn to face him, looking up with a quivering frown.

Micah feels for you. He doesn't even know if he'll be able to process this. He got used to having you in the tent; reading on your shared bedroll before he'd lay himself down, and you'd start reading aloud to him; early mornings where you'd slip out before him—if he managed to get some shuteye, ever—and greet him with coffee; pouncing on him whenever there was a job the two of you could do together. He'll miss it all. "C'mere, I know.." His arms extend to you, and you waste no time in pressing yourself up to him, wrapping your arms around his torso.

You felt safe there—and you know it sounds foolish; safe in the arms of a bloodthirsty, ruthless killer? Well, that was the honest truth. Before you were this close and started sharing bodily contact every day, his hugs—because rare—always felt much more meaningful and real. Your face buries itself in his chest, hands hugging him from under his arms and resting on his back, where his hands find your sides and squeeze reassuringly. You can't tell if he's trying to reassure you or himself right now. "Why would Dutch do this to us?" You huff into his coat.

He looks down at the top of your head. "Beats me, darlin'. I can't put my finger on it, either." He shifts one hand to your back and traces your spine slowly. "But it's damn unfair, that's one thing."

You nod against him in agreement, then pull away slightly, to be able to look up at him. "I think that we should part right—there's an O'Driscoll camp out west, close enough to be a problem." You smirk up at him, and he returns it.

"Oh, yeah? Is there, now?" He releases his hold on you, letting you take a step back. "Well, what're we waiting on? Don't want Dutchy stoppin' us here, do we?" He brings your smile back to your face, and you instantly make a b-line for your horses, mounting up and not caring about the approaching Hosea, trying to stop you.

The ride to this camp was pretty quick, seeing as the both of you were overly excited about it. You were going to end this right, have fun and then probably sneak off to do jobs and have one of the girls cover for you, like they have before when you got 'grounded' by Dutch a few months back. "And there it is," You point out the small outpost-looking area ahead, hitching your horse close-by, but not too close either. "In all her O'Driscoll glory."

"She looks promisin'," Micah jumps off of his horse, following your lead as you take coverage behind a nearby boulder. "tell me how we're doing this, partner." He looks over to you, ready for your command.

Now, whereas you always usually had a plan on how to do things, you just wanted to stress-relieve this time. And so, you did exactly that. "The plan is, you shoot everyone but me and yourself." You give a brief chuckle before drawing your guns. "I just need to relieve some of these emotions, and killin' off O'Driscoll scum will do it perfectly for me." You add.

Micah's smile turns into that devilish grin you love; taking his DAs out swiftly. "Oh, you've got it, girl." He laughs wickedly—oh, how you love that sound. You nod and cock your weapons, rising from your spot.

The entire area smells of blood and gunpowder, a scent you've gotten much more used to since meeting Micah and going on blood-thirsty missions with him. Bodies are scattered all around; faces with bullet holes in them, slit necks and penetrated chests. You and Micah were stood in one of the cabins there, searching through the many drawers, cabinets and closets inside the room. "Damn, these bastards were poor as dirt." You lean on the table behind Micah, on the opposite side as you watch him search through a closet, his back turned to you.

"I found a few pocket watches, but that's about it." You add.

"Hm, well 'least we got something, wouldn't dream of getting back to Dutch with noth—"

His sentence is interrupted by a horrifying squelching sound. Your breath hitches, nearly just enough to silence you. "Mic.. ah—" Your words are knocked out of your mouth by the sharp pain in your waist, and the hand on your mouth.

Micah turns around immediately, met by the traumatising sight of a knife in your side, a barely alive O'Driscoll's hands on you as he runs the knife deeper, slowly and excruciatingly painfully. "What the—" He draws his revolvers, pointing them at the man who tuts at him like at a bad dog.

"Don't do that, Micah." You let out a breathless gasp when the man twists the knife inside you, your hands shakily trying to push him off. You're gasping into the hand on your mouth, backing up into him as your eyes water. You never had a bad pain tolerance; it was more the look on Micah's face at the predicament you both got yourselves into now that had you wanting to cry. "You killed my brothers, 'ya rat."

Micah's unsure in what he's supposed to do. He grips his guns tightly, staring wide-eyed at the sight before him as he scrambles for any way to stop your pain, watching you squirm for release. "Let her go, she ain't done nothing."

The man just laughs and gives another twist of his hand and knife in your side that has you gritting your teeth together. "She slit one of 'em's throats. Wild little thing, is she?" His breath is hitting your neck as he speaks, clasping his hand down harder on your mouth. His knife handle is almost soaked, red staining your light blue shirt and trickling down to your jeans. Just as he stops twisting it, he pulls it out. You squeak out in pain, shutting your eyes closed.

Micah practically growls, watching the man pull the knife out and press the soaking red blade to your throat. "Please—don't." He's desperate, barely able to look at you fighting to stay standing, gripping onto the mans' forearm for dear life. Dear life, indeed.

"Wow," The O'Driscoll laughs, pressing the blade in harder. "beg me some more, Micah Bell. Never thought you was that kinda person." Micah is fighting between anger and worry; wanting to rip the man's head off while watching you squirm, losing more and more blood by the second.

His blood runs cold when a dead silence fills the room and you still up—the knife painting your neck red.

"No!—" He shoots the man dead on the spot, a headshot right into the forehead. He drops his guns and kneels to you, making you sit up and lean on the wall. "Damn it! No, no—don't do this to me, girl.." He unbuttons his undershirt and rips a piece up out of it, trying to hold it up to your neck in an attempt at saving some blood loss. "Come on, you can't do this to me—this is not how we said we was parting, sweetheart," He holds your hand up to your neck, your eyes rolling back as you cough and clench your side. "Please, please don't."

As an outlaw, this was actually how you always envisioned your demise. But, you never thought it'd be this brutal—or that Micah would be forced to watch. "Micah—" You attempt to speak, and it sounds terrifying; your voice isn't you, it doesn't sound like you.

"Don't talk, baby. I'mma.. I'll get'chu home.." You can't really tell if he's trying to convince himself or you that there's a possibility of redemption here, the horrifying look in his eyes as your blood paints the floor and himself, the hand holding yours over your neck getting soaked and trickling down his whole arm. He's getting just as bloody as you, and yet he still thinks there's a way to save this. "It's not too deep.. I can still get 'ya home.." He's huffing and out of breath, as if he just ran a marathon.

You use the hand on your hip to shakily touch his shoulder, removing it from the first knife wound. "No—.." You mumble breathlessly, shaking your head at him. "Stay.. while I go." You manage out, blood leaking down your front from between yours and Micah's fingers.

"No, please—please let me help 'ya. Don't do this to me." He's pleading with you, reaching his free hand to hold onto your side. "Please." He's never experienced loss like this; for a man that killed and saw death since he was a young boy, he sure wasn't prepared.

"Hug me."

"Y/N, don't."

"Hug. Me."

"I love you, darlin'. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Please, Micah. Hug me, hold me in my last moments."

His hands release your wounds. One goes to the back of your head, leaning you into his chest as the other runs through your hair. "I never wanted this, baby. I'm so fucking sorry." He's whispering into your ear while running his bloody hands through your hair, pressing you into himself. This is how you always wanted to die; in the hands of your favourite person, getting to hold them and breathe in their scent, making sure they're the last memory you have despite the way you'd die.

You start to feel woozy; dizzy. You feel your breaths leaving your lungs, your life leaving your body. This, was something no amount of preparation could calm you. "I'm.. scared." You manage out, holding onto his shoulders with a surprising amount of strength.

"Don't be, baby. You'll feel better." He hums, his voice cracking. "And I'll see you there, too. I'll be there, at some point." He whispers, pulling you away briefly to press a kiss to your forehead, wiping some blood off of your neck before leaning you back into him. "I'mma bury you at the nicest spot you'd have ever seen. I'll visit you every day, babygirl. I know you love tulips; how 'bout I plant some there? You'll love that, won't you?" He rambles into your hair.

A haunting silence. Your breaths slow down and hands stop gripping his shirt, and you go limp on top of him. That's what truly breaks him as his eyes water, maybe for the first time in multiple decades. "Oh, baby. I'll make sure you have the prettiest little spot.. with the prettiest little flowers." His tears stream down to your face as he pulls you away to look at you; his beautiful, strong girl.

"Me an' Charles'll bury you, give you the best spot in the entire damn country. I'm so goddamn sorry."

After a moment of silence, he got up and grabbed his guns, holstering them before gently picking you up. He got you up on his horse, calling your own to follow him as he left the massacred O'Driscoll camp behind—not before setting a fire to the cabin in which the man who killed you laid. Just in case.

He held you against him the entire ride back to camp which felt much longer without your little quips and stories, uncaring of how stained his clothes were from your blood. He occasionally leaned down to kiss the top of your head, fastening you against him.

Getting into camp was probably the most terrifying part. He hitched up and held you against him as he stood at the entrance of the campsite, feeling shellshocked. He looked down at your unmoving body, his eyes narrowing to your much more peaceful face.

"Oh, Micah."

His head perks up to the sight of Hosea, standing up from the campfire and slowly walking over, his eyes wide and one hand covering his mouth. "Micah.. Micah, how.?" Hosea was at a loss for words; hell, he assumed you invincible from how many close calls he had to watch you suffer through, so seeing you unmoving in Micah's arms was a terrifying sight. "No—you don't have to say anything. I'll.. get Charles—Charles!" He turns and yells for the other man, as Micah looks back down to you, waiting on Charles.

He soon shows up and instantly frowns, looking down at your body. He looks up to Micah after a moment of silence.

"You know where you want to bury her?"

It was a nice little hill, always painted in flowers during the spring. There was a lake nearby—you always loved sneaking off and skinny-dipping with him, uncaring of Dutch's lecture the next day when you'd be too tired to work. You liked smelling things, too; from flowers to Pearson's meals to Micah himself. You constantly got up into his chest and took in his scent when he hugged you—or when you involuntarily tacked him into an embrace. He'll miss your little surprise attacks on him. He hopes that the flowers will be enough to smell for you.

"Do you want a moment before we lower her in?"

Charles' voice gets Micah out of his zone, and he looks at the man. "Thank you.." He grumbles and Charles nods, walking off a few feet to give Micah his well-deserved privacy.

Micah takes a seat down next to your lifeless body, now cleaned up and dressed in your favourite outfit. You looked mostly like yourself—if you ignore the paleness of your skin and neck wound openly displayed, unable to be hid behind your shirt collar. He takes you in for one final hug, breathing in your scent, like you would with him. It pained him that you smelled like gunpowder and blood in your last moments, but at least the perfume Karen offered to put on you made a small difference. He embraces you for a long time, enough for Charles to come back and interrupt, asking Micah if it'd be okay now. And Micah knew you needed peace; so he agreed.

His eyes could barely stay opened as Charles shuffled dirt over your body, losing the sight of you slowly. He bit his lip, watching the last of your face get lost in the surrounding dirt. His eyes watered briefly, but he couldn't let himself cry in front of Charles, so he shoved it down.

Charles tapped the back of the shovel over the dirt pouch, flattening it out before taking a step back. "There," He turns to Micah briefly. "I'll leave 'ya to.. process it. Seems you still need to." He hums before walking away, leaving Micah holding back tears before your grave.

Despite never being a religious man, he hoped that an ending was real and that you'd gotten your peace, even in your brutal suffering.

People in camp mourned you and visited your grave for a few weeks before most stopped and moved on. But Micah couldn't.

He was there every day—early morning to late evening, if not downright sleeping at your burial. He had issues with insomnia before, and you always made it easier to fall into the slumber he always hoped for. Sleeping next to your grave hasn't helped too much, but he feels better; not wanting you to rest alone, by your wish you vocalised when Dutch wanted to split your tent apart. Your grave was cared for immensely, and there was barely any space around it from the overwhelming amount of flowers Micah had either bought or planted himself. He had one of the girls teach him how, and made sure to include dozens of tulips. He knew what you liked.

"You've been gone three and a half months, baby. I still bring 'ya tulips.. but I'm not sure if you're getting tired of them." He spoke to your gravestone a lot; he missed your voice immensely, now regretting the few times he'd space out while you yapped his ear off about some random topic. "I planted a few roses, I know you like 'em too."

"Hope you can see and hear me, darlin'. Did you know I got your name into my other barrel, huh?" He takes his right revolver out, tracing his fingers over the initials he carved into the guns' barrel. "Yeah... it's real nice, huh?" He holstered the weapon again, looking down at you under the dirt patch for a moment before looking up at the sky. Somehow, it always looked the prettiest when he'd visit you.

"That's you, ain't it, sweetheart?"

The sky was a mix of neon oranges and pinks, slowly fading into light, morning blues as the sun made its way up the horizon. The clouds were nowhere to be found, letting the sun pass into another day. Another day he spent with you.

"Hi to you too, my sweet girl."

Kudos on AO3 very appreciated! Finally finished this fic dear God. I want this man so bad its unreal chat.

[the-hinky-panda]

War of the Roses: Part IV

Warning: Mention of miscarriages

It’s three in the afternoon when Bill’s phone rings with a number he doesn’t recognize. He’s in the middle of cleaning the pistols he recently shot, an effort to get you out of his system. He had taken care of himself in the shower last night, kicking himself for stopping you from unbuckling his belt in the barn. He let his imagination run wild later that night, picturing your legs wrapped around his hips, his cock slowly sinking into your tight, wet heat. It took less than fifteen seconds before he came. 

The morning was just as bad, waking up with a raging hard on and the vestiges of a dream where you were in the bed beside him. It took him thirty seconds to relieve himself that time. So he did the only thing that he could and that was throwing himself into farm work. He unloaded a truck bed full of hay bales, picked up the feed store order and stacked it in the feed room. And when his muscles started getting sore, he chopped wood for two hours. By midafternoon, his energy was beginning to flag and he started cleaning guns to keep his mind and hands busy. But when the phone rang, he took a shot and answered it anyway. 

“Yeah.” 

There is silence on the other end and he reaches for the end button. But before his finger lands on it, a voice comes through. 

“Bill?” 

He doesn’t recognize your voice at first. You’ve always been soft spoken, but this is different. You’ve been crying and something twists in his chest. “Yeah, I’m here.” 

“He kicked me out,” you tell him with no warble in your voice. But the next statement is more difficult for you to get out. “The horses…I don’t know…” 

“What did he do to the fucking horses?” 

“Nothing, yet.” 

That “yet” makes him just as concerned as you are right now. You getting tossed out is bad enough to make him see red but to put animals into the mix of a human dispute, that’s just unconscionable. “Where are you right now? You safe?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. But I only have three days to find someone to take the horses. Bill, he’s going to send them to the knacker.” 

“Fucking hell.” He sits back in his chair. “How many do you have? Four, right?” 

You sniff and clear your throat. “Yeah, there’s four of them. There’s a stable in Tulsa that can take two of them because they’re therapy horses but they don’t have space for the other two.” 

“Don’t you worry about splitting them up. I’ll have a rig down there first thing in the morning to pick up all four of them. Now,” he stands up and starts putting away the cleaning kit, “what hotel are you staying in?” 

You tell him where you are and thank him in between sobs. He immediately calls his barn manager and tells him to drive the rig down to Thresher’s first thing tomorrow morning. He also tells them to throw a couple shovels and burlap bags in the back too. If he has to dig the rose bushes out himself, he will. He knows this may end the business relationship he has with Cal, but in all honesty, he doesn’t give one flying fuck. He has other weed farms; he doesn’t need one in Oklahoma. Thresher is already rich off oil and doesn’t need it either. And it’s better to end this before it even begins. 

He packs an overnight bag, locks up the house and climbs into his car. It’s a four hour drive back down to Tulsa, to the hotel name that you gave him. He spends those four hours asking himself why he’s doing this. He’s had plenty of business partners before and never paid their wives any mind. A couple of them tried to get into his bed but he never cared for the mess that it creates being involved with a married woman. But there’s something about you, something that draws him to you. 

The hotel he pulls up to is actually a motel right off the interstate. It’s in a dangerous area and the building is falling apart. This is absolutely not going to happen and he’s glad he made the trip down here tonight. The thought of you spending the night in this hellhole makes him just as angry as the horses going to the knacker. He leaves his bag in the car because he is not going to stay here tonight and neither are you. When he knocks on the door, you open it almost immediately. 

You’re still crying, eyes puffy and red. You’re in jeans and sweatshirt, no make up, and your hair is pulled back in a messy bun. You’re still the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. You immediately embrace him, pressing your face against his chest and holding on to him in a tight grip. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” 

“I am.” He kisses your temple. “I’ll always come when you need me.” 

It’s then that he realizes, standing in the doorway of a cheap motel off the interstate in Tulsa, that he can live without seeing Cal Thresher again but he can’t live without you.

***

You’re numb. That’s the only way you can describe the feeling of walking into a suite at the Mayo with Bill. You spent the day going through the suitcases that Cal packed for you and found he had included all your clothes, the jewelry that you arrived with from your parents, and fifteen thousand dollars cash. Those were all your belongings in the world. Your credit cards and checkbook were taken. Your phone lost cell service about an hour ago. All the vehicles you drove the last six years had been part of Cal’s fleet. 

The world seems so big because you realize just how small you are. 

“Here.” Bill takes your bag out of your hand and replaces it with a glass. “Drink that.” 

You stare down into the amber liquid. Whiskey, of course. You drink it like a shot, throwing it down your throat and relishing in the burning sensation it leaves. It’s good to feel something right now. You look around the hotel room and realize it’s a suite, complete with a kitchenette, living room area, and what you assume is the bedroom further back in the space. It’s definitely a step up from where you had landed at the Oil City Motel. 

“Thank you.” You know you should expand on that simple statement. Bill needs to know the depth of the gratitude you feel for him right now. He saved your horses. He picked you up from a dangerous part of town and brought you here. You remember that moment in his car on the drive over here, when he took hold of your hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“We’re getting the rose bushes too. You, the horses, the roses, all of you are coming to KC until we figure out what to do next.” 

You play those words back in your head and the big, intimidating world gets a little smaller, a little more comforting. 

Bill brings a half-empty whiskey bottle over to you and adds more to the glass. “I told you to call me if you ever needed anything. You promised me would and you did. You kept your promise and I kept mine.” He takes a shot of whiskey straight from the bottle. “You go get a shower, watch Golden Girls or 90 Day Fiance, and get some sleep. I’ll pick you up after we get the horses.” 

Now you understand why he left his bag by the door. “You’re not staying here?” 

He gives you a slightly regretful look. “Not tonight. I’m staying down the hall.” 

“What if I want you to stay?” 

He cups your face, his thumb tracing over your cheekbone, and kisses you gently on the lips. “I would love nothing more than that, but I’m not going to have our first night together be under these circumstances.” 

The circumstance is you thinking you owe him something and you realize, he’s not exactly wrong. “Cal knows we fucked in the barn.” 

“Cal doesn’t know shit.” Bill gives you the most sinful smile. “Besides, that wasn’t fucking.” 

You give him a slightly surprised look. “It wasn’t?” 

He laughs. “No. That was just a warm-up.” He kisses you again, this time with more pressure, more want. Once again you can taste the whiskey he just drank, the smokey notes. He steps back and releases a shaky breath. “The fact you don’t know what a proper fucking feels like with a goddamn crime. One I’m going to fix. But not tonight, sweetheart.” 

You watch him leave, the door closing very quietly behind him. Your face is still warm from the whiskey and the kiss but you find yourself smiling for the first time today. How ironic it took a divorce to provide you with an example of what genuine love looks like. 

[pristine-rose]

im gonna send alice a thirst bc why not‼️‼️

ok so candance am i right?

candance is hot as shit imo i would be ridding her abs anyday i swear or her thighs

small hc i think her thighs and abs r so toned from fightingin the dessert and just watching you get off and moaning into her ear or sobbing while trying to look all pretty for her whiping your tears away is her favourite

candance also defo drfo DEFO hates seeing her baby cry shes not mean even if your a bit bratty she will punish you just for a but tho i mean how can she treat her darling like that unless shes cryingfrom all the pleasure your getting from her

and then theres dehya heheehehhe

dehya 🫶

dehya loves watching you trying to shut your mouth in a campsite as she fucks you inside the tent with her trusty strap she brought along.

now now dont be loud!! theres people around you and this is a tent if you moan loud enough their gonna hear you and maybe dehya will fuck you on display for all of them to see or maybe she’ll share you the possibilties make your stomach churn and fill with butterflies

another hc for dehya‼️‼️

dehya loves being gentle with you at the start but she cant help herself when shes so desperate sometimes she’ll just scissor you for hours just to fele you against her she’s fast n rough she doesnt care how many times you cum she just needs you :(

OH GOD AND IF YOUR TALKATIVE SHE PUTS HER HAND RIGHT ON YOUR MOUTH TO SHUT YOU UP MMMHHHHH just to say

“shh i know my lady just enjoy the feeling of being bittled by a dessert dewewller..heh? your into that idea sweet guess i dont have to hold back my lady”

god when she sakd that to dunhyzard my stomach was just AAAA TAKE ME

Anyways..

for my last brainrot of the day to you alice is my favourite purple and pink haired duo (ik this is long but ive been bored all day and ive nearly finished writting a fic that too forever)

miko just loves pranks especcially if shes executing it ei however is 50/50 if she finds it cute shes giving you small neck kisses with a smile if she doesnt your getting fingered for hours under a table untill you can cum

this gave you the perfect idea

as the two hot and influencial woman of inazuma spoke to eachother of the future of inazuma and protection you just get the perfect idea to get close to their left and right ear and moan as erotically as you could just begging their names out

miko was very turned on afterall her fox ears are sensitive and it felt as loud as you both actually having sex while ei is there blushing like crazy too your smirk and try to leave but “uh oh little one! seems my prey has been caught” you could feel the chills and sharpness of her nails against your wrist

As ei starts to manhandle and fondle your chest while miko bites your neck her fangs leaving small blood spilling marks to lick off

you can take both of their hands

“cant you pretty girl?” miko chuckles from the side. Shes very experimental she enjoys the pleasure of it and then feeling it from her two lovers afterall your not the only ones who love being fucked like crazy

ei smirks as she drawns into your neck as miko leaves her lipstick stains on your cunt thighs and face as a symbol of whats hers

they arent gonna punish you afterall!! they loved the prank infact they loved it so much you can cum how many times you want and control whatever just dont moan too loudly wont you dear?

-🤲 alice if u sont get this jst know my life was poured into this fr

CW//NSFW

WHY WOUDK YOU SEND ME THISWHBDELNDNA

IDK WHAT TO SAY THERE IS NOTHING I CAN ADD EVERYONE JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY.

[sseniita]

hero's new management

part 1 part 2

(this one is almost 3000 words sorry hehe)

The battle had lasted for hours so far. Televisions were interrupted by live updates from terrified reporters, the police surrounded the whole of downtown, and the Hero was fighting for their life. 

Supervillain had been targeting Hero for months and they had finally found them. News of Hero quitting shot the villain community by storm. The city’s shiniest and most powerful hero had left their city defenceless. Well, almost. Once Hero was out of the picture completely, City Hall was up for grabs and far, far more achievable. Almost immediately Hero had been victim to multiple attacks, but they did one thing right. They stayed hidden. The Hero dawned a scrappy new suit, dull in colour and insufficient in actually protecting the Hero but it was the best they could do without a permanent home or income. The police and military- who were usually at the Hero’s beck and call- were commanded to ignore any interactions with Hero or in between Hero and the many villains that had piled up. 

Hero was trying to get themselves back up after being shot through a wall and into an office full of cubicles and scared employees. After ensuring the civilians were safe and their wounds were bandaged they led the civilians down the building and they flew back up to meet with the Supervillain once again. 

“I’m getting bored, Supervillain. If you’re gonna ‘destroy’ me, you better do it quick before I ditch you!” the Hero yelled to the Supervillain, who was currently busy destroying some residential buildings. 

“Keep your spirit up, Hero. I’d love to smear it off your face once I get my hands around your neck!”

“Kinky.” the Hero muttered. 

Before the Hero could attack, the Supervillain hurled a car at them, sending Hero crashing again, this time into a city park. While they regained consciousness and rubbed the dirt off themselves they noticed two toddlers hiding behind a park bench quivering in fear. The Hero immediately cursed and without thinking they grabbed the two kids by the waist, hoisting them up and wincing at the new found pain on the side. They flew between the trees to try to get them to safety.  

Frantically, they looked around for a safe place to hide them. The smaller one began to cry as the older one started begging for their mother and that was all the Supervillain needed to corner the Hero. With two kids behind them and Supervillain monologuing about how long they had waited for this, the Hero panicked and began an attack. They motioned to the kids to get behind them as they finally lunged at the Supervillain and everything went black. 

The Hero awoke, with a headache and incredibly comfortable. They blinked a few times to adjust to the sunlight pouring into the room. The pleasantly decorated and cozy room. The room with exquisite taste in decoration- they recognized this room. The sheer, blue curtains, the daisy bed sheet, all things they had picked out themselves. The Hero quickly got up and once they managed to get off the bed they promptly fell to the floor, alerting a worried Villain, walking into the room carrying a silver platter with eggs, toast and orange juice.

“Hero! Geez. What part of an IV and bandages covering your body tells you to get off of the bed?” They set the tray down and attempted to help the Hero up. They were met with a swat at their hands and through tight teeth the Hero asked “Where are the kids? Supervillain? What happened?” 

The Villain gave them a pitiful stare and forced their arms through theirs to help them back on the bed. Hero accepted begrudgingly. 

“The kids are ok. They’re actually in the other room playing. We’ve located the parents and they'll be on their way shortly.” The Hero nodded. 

“Supervillain? Is the city destroyed? What happened?” They pleaded. The Villain held their hands up, as if to say slow down, it’s all ok. Just as they had many times before this whole mess. 

“Supervillain is in custody of the State. The city is -mostly- undamaged. I found you. I don’t know what you did but the Supervillain was knocked out… and so were you. I know you're technically wanted for treason so I brought you back here. Just to recap- everything is settled.” The Hero’s stare didn’t leave their lap.

“Casualties?” 

“None.” The Villain sighed appreciatively. “Thanks to you. You single handedly beat Supervillain and evacuated all civilians.” 

The Hero stood quiet for a second. They tore off the IV and began towards the door again. “I told you.” They shoved the Villain aside, rejecting their help completely. 

“Hero- wait! Let’s talk.” The Villain followed behind the Hero and they limped across the room. 

“We have nothing to talk about.” Hero sounded cold, and not only because of their weak and trembling voice. 

“Oh come on, I’ve been looking for you for months!

“Get in line.”

“Give me a chance, let me explain!”

“We have nothing to talk about!”

“Maybe we don’t, but I do.” 

“I think you’ve said enough.” 

“Well, I don’t.” Hero rolled their eyes and reached for the door. 

“There you go again. Y’know- I used to be the loud one. The one who spoke too much. When did the roles reverse?” 

“Great question! Let’s sit and talk about it! I made you breakfast.” the Villain pointed desperately at the serving platter on the bed. 

The Hero took a long look at the eggs and toast. “It’s the bare minimum of a breakfast.” The Villain exasperated, “It’s breakfast.” The Hero considered it. 

Feelings quickly began to bubble to the surface, feelings the Hero had tried their hardest to fight off. But seeing the Villain, casually dressed and smelling of burnt toast had them helpless.

“I’m angry. You can’t make me not angry.” They said, making it a point of not looking at the Villain

“I’m not asking you not to be. Although I admit I hate it.” The Hero had gotten better at masking emotions in the past few months but something about the Villain made them so desperately want to come loose, to cry, to scream. For three months the Hero had been living out of motels and dingy alleyways. Eating leftovers and a terrible amount of fast food fries. They were dirty, tired, angry, but something they didn’t let themselves feel was sad. And now, standing in front of the Villain who broke their heart- they were sad. But worst of all, they wanted to be sad. 

“Why’d you do that?” They finally asked. Pathetically, like a child asking where their parents are or a dog whining for some food. They didn’t know what they were expecting, maybe it was closure. They wanted the Villain to hammer in the last nail so Hero could close that chapter forever. 

When the Hero finally looked up, the Villain looked shattered. The Villain had expected curses, cold shoulders, even a fight. But this was so much worse. For years Villain hid behind smirks, witty comments, flirts and anything opaque enough to never, truly be seen. And perhaps that’s why the shiny hero caught their attention. They were larger than life, so tragically transparent and so regrettably brave. While nothing ever escaped the Villain- the Hero could never hold anything back. The work of hiding should have been easy, but the weight crashed on them like a ton of bricks and they finally collapsed. 

“I’m sorry.” the Villain croaked. “I’m so sorry.” The Hero stood silent holding an excruciating eye contact with the Villain. The Hero laughed incredulously. 

“What. No. No, you can’t just say that. You broke me. You finally did it. You were cruel and evil and mean. You can’t say that.” the Hero sputtered. 

“I didn’t want to be! I…” they faltered. Finding the right words took a lot. But the Hero didn’t seem to be thinking either. So even if they did embarrass themselves it’d be worth it if they got their Hero back. 

“I was scared. I saw you quit and I got scared! We- we’ve gotten so close and I had gotten careless and said so many things that should have stayed in my diary- but they didn’t and you’re so good! You are so good. And I’m not. You got to live your cushy life and people love you. You have everything and I can give you nothing. As if you wanted anything from me! I was wrong to assume but it was the only way I could think of to get you back into that life. I wish you could know how much I regretted it the moment you went away. I’ve been looking for you ever since!” The Villain ranted, they took no breaths as the Hero stared absentmindedly, tears welling up in their eyes. Villain had managed to keep their composure so far- but with fear that they might lose it they continued just as Hero opened their mouth to say something. 

“If I shot down any possibility of anything, then you could have gone back! Nothing is worth losing your prestigious seat at the top of the world! And- and I know I should have been better. I wasn’t thinking, it was all so fast and I’m a coward.” They took a breath and pushed their hair back with one hand. 

“I know the Company is a terrible place. And I know Captain is a terrible person. But in my twisted mind you were better off with them. At the very least, you were safe. With me, your reputation would have been ruined. You’d lose the city’s trust and you’d lose the one thing you love- being Hero.” The Hero held their upper lip with weakness, it was trembling and tears smeared their cheeks.

“Why do you get to decide that? What if I didn't care about that? There were some things that mattered more to me!” Hero tried to explain. “Why didn't you help me? Why send me back somewhere where you knew I hated. Somewhere I complained about time and time again?” pleaded the Hero. “I needed you.” 

The Villain didn’t know what to say. So like a venom slowly killing them, they spat out the truth. 

“You were safe there. And I couldn’t help losing you, Hero. I was so scared of losing you- even under my guidance, I would have been useless to you and I guess that scared me too. I was selfish.” They whispered to the Hero. “But regardless, I did lose you. And now you're hurt and half the city is destroyed because of me.” 

The Hero sniffled. “You said the city had minimal damage.”

“I lied- not about the kids or casualties- but I did about the city.” The Villain exasperated. 

“Oh.” the Hero sighed nonchalantly. 

They stayed silent for a moment. And it almost felt like before when silence was comforting between them, back during the nights of meeting up on rooftops, calling each other by name, knowing each other so well that fist fights turned into dances. The first time Hero appeared in the Villain’s lair with a newspaper headlined Hero and Villain spotted together they had laughed and read the article together. The second time Hero had been too shy and pretended they knew nothing, giving Villain easy access to tease the poor Hero. Years and years of a bond so strong, of being the only person the other knew so fully and honestly. Was it all a lie? Regardless, the Hero finally allowed themselves to mourn something they weren’t even sure actually existed. 

“So, it was all a lie?” 

“Ya. I’m a bad guy. We tend to lie.” they answered, timidly. 

“Yes, I know. I just didn’t think you’d lie to me. Even for something like that” 

“I would. I’m a coward, a-” The Villain confessed.

“A villain.” Hero finished. Silence. 

“How much?” Asked the Hero. The Villain perked up, raising an eyebrow. “How much of it all was a lie?” they asked, stronger this time.

The Villain shot their shot and smiled. “Well, all of…that. Um, eight years ago when I said I preferred contacts to glasses, I don’t- I just thought you wouldn’t like me with glasses. I think it was two years ago when I said I was allergic to strawberries, I actually just don’t like them, but you baked me a cake with them so I didn’t know what to say. Five years ago, when I lied and said I never read Pride and Prejudice so that you’d invite me to watch the movie-” The hero laughed, catching the Villain off guard and making them fall in love all over again. They continued.

“And everytime I said ‘I was in the area’ or anything similar. I’d go out every night with hopes I’d run into you. And in my worst days, when I said that you couldn't exist without me. The truth is, I can’t live without you.” Finally, Hero gave them a smile. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.” 

They stood silent for another minute, the dust had settled and the silence had once again become a comfort, they both relished in it. Hero was conflicted and yet ready to face her fears, it might have been childish, but Hero wanted to love the Villain almost as much as the Villain loved the Hero, they wanted to forgive the Villain so badly, but they weren’t willing to lose themself again. Before the Villain was about to start begging on their knees, Hero started, “This doesn’t change much. Villain, I’ve never loved anything. I thought maybe I did but…” 

“You thought?” Villain heartacheing whimpered. 

“I don’t think love is supposed to make me feel this way. But, I’ve never really tried to deal with my emotions, ever before. I’m willing to try, Villain. I’m starting to remember why I quit in the first place, although not entirely for you, I had hoped you’d be a part of it.” 

“I want to be-” 

“Ah-ah. Wait, let me finish.” Hero interrupted. “You made me go through three months of hell, and-” They winced at the blood beginning to seep through their bandages, Villain quickly rushed over and Hero allowed themselves to be shuffled back to the bed where they were carefully hoisted up on the bed by the Villain. “I think I need to recover.” 

“You do. You have three broken ribs” added the Villain, sympathetically. 

“Oh…” 

“Yaa… “ The Villain cringed. 

“Anyways, my point is… I really want to believe you. But it won’t be easy, but I really, really want to try.” The Hero begged, not to the Villain, but more to themselves. 

“First of all. Stop thinking on my part, I’m grown up. I can use words… Second, stop with the lies, I don’t think I could take it anymore. And third…” The Hero hesitated. “Please try. Please restore my confidence in you. I want to feel like I did when I quit.” The Hero looked down, feeling foolish and desperate. But they took that as a clue they were doing the right thing- at least that's how people in love said they felt like in the movies. 

“I want to help you. I want to be on your team, Hero. I spent a decade on you, I can spend even more trying to convince you.” The Villain smiled. “I’ll do anything to pick up where we left off.”

“Well, we gotta get there first.” the Hero reminded them.

They smiled, although insecure and uncertain, and excited and giddy, they kept smiling. “I guess I could start by reheating your eggs?” asked the Villain, tilting their head to the gross pile of eggs sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Ya, that’d be nice.” 

The Villain rushed over with the platter towards the door, before stopping and turning to Hero, “By the way, You’re free to stay in the guestroom. However long you’d like. It's basically already yours.” The Hero could have split in half. “Ya. Thanks.” The Villain nodded and quickly went to bring some more eggs, this time when they arrived, the serving dish had french toast, a cup of coffee, freshly made eggs, cut fruits and a single rose in a tiny porcelain vase, the first of many roses to come. Except those times they meant something much, much nicer.

--

pls read!! :)

I hope its good!!! its very cheesy and the villain is a simp but oh well tee hee,,, i hope u all like it! i tried to make it not easy yknow? reading week is soon so i hope to update more often to please all those who liked pt 2 lool! I also made this like super long sorri! I'll reread this in the morning to edit and stuff but i've been working on it for so long i kinda wanted to get it out hehe... also! trigger warnings,, idk how to properly label, suggestions always very welcome! thanks love u byeeeee

[strawbubbysugar]

Hero In Shining Flannel

Y/N x June Sullivan (and hopefully Hello and Goodbye later lol)

CW: Indications of toxic relationship, mentions of bullying/harassment, as well as self-deprecating/depressive/anxious thoughts

_____________ Put under a readmore - PLEASE READ THIS ITS SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH IVE READ IT A DOZEN TIMES!!!!!!

<3<3<3

~

Buzz.

Marshmallow🧡: Why didn’t you invite me??

A small pit forms in your stomach as you see the text message pop up on your phone. Of course you made another mistake. But…couldn’t you go to the mall by yourself? Is there an unspoken rule that you have to bring your partner with you everywhere you go?

You have no clue. Social rules and relationship rules are confusing and hard to maneuver. Sigh. You adjust your body on the edge of the fountain to a more comfortable position and text them back.

You: Sorry about that, I was just gonna do a quick purchase and leave. I know you like longer trips to the mall but I’m not feeling up to that today

The 3 bubbles pop up on your screen, indicating that they are typing. Not soon after, another text appears.

Marshmallow🧡: Dude it only would’ve been like an extra 20 minutes or something. I’m really hurt that you didn’t bring me with you ☹️

The pit grows larger. You furrow your brows at the “20 minutes” part of the text. Last time they said “20 minutes”, the two of you were there for an hour, and you almost had a meltdown right there in the mall because you needed to leave and get out of that overstimulating environment and they just wanted to keep shopping. But you were their ride, you couldn’t just leave them there. It’s a good thing you had your earbuds with you so you could ground yourself in your music. If you hadn’t had them…well. Let’s just say the trip would’ve gone a lot differently, and not in a good way. That trip only reinforced your rule of “always have earbuds or headphones with you”.

With a resigned sigh, you do the only thing you can. Your fingers shakily type out your response.

You: I’m sorry that you’re feeling hurt. I’ll invite you next time I promise.

The 3 bubbles appear again, and your body tenses in anticipation. After about 30 seconds, the bubbles disappear. You wait for about 10 seconds. Maybe the message is just taking longer to send from a spotty connection or something.

You realize after another 20 seconds that you’re probably not getting a message back for awhile. That’s bad, right? That probably means they’re really mad at you. Your stomach feels like it’s going to implode in on itself.

You hate this. You’re not cut out for this. This is just like high school all over again. Why can’t you do anything right? You should’ve known that they would see your location and want to come along. Why didn’t you invite them in the first place? You know they have anxiety about being left behind! What is wrong with you?? You’re a terrible partner. You don’t deserve-

“Hey, you alright?”

Your eyes snap up to a young blond man standing above you, looking slightly concerned. No no no, you can’t burden a stranger with your issues! You put on your best smile, hoping it’s convincing.

“Oh yeah, I’m good! Thanks for asking.” Please go away, I can’t talk to anybody right now…

The young man’s eyebrows furrow, and he looks like he’s pondering something. After a moment, he gives you a kind smile.

“I dunno if most people who are doing okay cry in the middle of a mall.” He sits down on the edge of the fountain next to you, facing towards you.

Wait, you’re crying right now? When did that happen? Great. Now you’re crying in public and making a stranger worry for you. Goddammit.

Before you can say anything, he speaks again. “Look, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But if you do, I’ll totally listen!” He taps his fingers absentmindedly. “Or maybe we could go get a smoothie or something and not think about it.”

You just look at this guy, dumbfounded. He would just…do that for you? You try to think and make a decision in the span of a few seconds. You’re now really stressed about the situation with your partner, and you were planning on leaving the mall as soon as possible to get to a safe and controlled environment. But on the flip side, this guy is offering a distraction because he saw you were upset. You get a very kind aura from him, if you’re reading him correctly. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? You know you’d just spiral in anxiety if you went back home right now, anyway. Maybe a good smoothie and talking to someone who isn’t Marshmallow will be good for you.

You can’t bring yourself to keep up the forced smile, so you let yourself just look as anxious as you feel. “I mean…I guess a smoothie sounds good. But…you’re sure? I don’t want to get in the way of your mall trip.”

The man waves his hand dismissively. “It’s no problem at all! I want to help if I can. I’d much rather make someone feel better than mindlessly wander around stores.” He stands up and offers his hand to you with a sympathetic smile.

You take his hand and he gently helps you up before letting go. He puts his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes from the light, squinting and looking around. “Alright, smoothie smoothie smoothie, show me…smoothies.” He mumbles in a slightly silly voice.

You can’t help but sniffle and chuckle a little bit. “Do you…not know where it is?”

He looks at you, not dropping his smile at all. “I’m gonna be so honest with you, I don’t even know if this mall even has a smoothie place. I just assumed there is one. ‘Cause there’s gotta be, right?”

You softly chuckle again and gesture for him to follow you. “Well, you’d be right. It’s this way.” The two of you start walking down the large corridor towards the food court.

“So,” The man begins. “It’s not lost on me that I’m a total stranger offering smoothies. In our generation, that’s like, unheard of I think.” He chuckles before continuing. “So I just wanted to say here and now that if you get uncomfortable or your social battery dies, you can totally tell me to leave. The last thing I want is to make your day worse. So just do what’s best for you, alright?” He gives you that kind smile again.

You return his smile. For real, this time. Not forced. “Thanks. I appreciate that. A lot.”

“Of course!” He chirps. He suddenly sticks his hand out to you. “By the way, I’m June.”

You shake his hand politely and tell him your name. “Nice to meet you, June.”

You two break the handshake and he just doesn’t stop smiling. His positivity is infectious. “Likewise.”

The two of you walk in semi-comfortable silence for a minute or so until you make it to the food court. You scan for a moment before pointing off to the left. “There’s the smoothie place. Well, it’s not only a smoothie place. But you know what I mean.”

You look over at June, and notice he’s still staring around at the food court, and he’s finally lost his smile. Your brow furrows in slight concern. “June? You okay?”

That breaks him out of whatever thoughts he was having. “Yeah,” He shakes his head a bit and smiles again, though this time it’s a bit…sadder than before. “Just kinda reminds me of my old food court.”

He starts walking towards the smoothie place, and you quickly catch up and keep pace with him. “Oh, so you’re not from around here then?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. New around here, kinda getting a lay of the land.”

“Oh! I’d be happy to show you around.” You offer, surprising yourself. You can’t believe you just offered to do that for a total stranger. He could be dangerous, for all you know! But looking at him in his little blue flannel jacket and those headphones around his neck, the way he fidgets and speaks, and just the overall positive vibes he emits, you can tell. He’s a trustworthy dude.

June’s eyes light up upon your offer. “Oh shit, really? That’d be awesome!”

“Sure!” You smile.

The two of you order your smoothies and find a quiet table to sit at and chat.

“So-“ The both of you start at the same time.

“Oh sorry, you can go!” You say first.

June shakes his head. “Nah nah that’s okay, what were you going to say?”

“As much as I want to say ‘no, you go’, I don’t want us to be going in a circle for who knows how long,” You giggle. “So, alright. I’ll go. I just wanted to say ‘Welcome’, I guess. I think that’s what one is supposed to say in situations like this?” You look away, feeling like maybe that’s not the right thing to say.

“But like I’m not saying that specifically because I feel like I’m supposed to, I genuinely am welcoming you here because you seem cool.” You awkwardly freeze, expecting June to laugh at you or make fun of you.

“Thanks! I appreciate the welcome. And for being called cool!” He smiles. “Always nice when people boost my already overinflated ego,” he obviously jokes.

You both laugh for a few moments. It feels…really nice. “So what were you gonna say?” You ask, taking a sip of your smoothie as June answers.

“Ah, I was just going to ask what you do around here. Job, school, that kind of thing! If you don’t mind me asking.”

You shake your head. “I don’t mind at all! I work part-time at a general store kinda near here. It has a dumb name. ‘Everything Ya Need’.” You roll your eyes with a smile just thinking about it.

June snickers a bit. “Ah yeah, I remember seeing that place and loving the name!”

The two of you smile wider at that. “That’s actually really close to where I work. That new repair and parts place, ya seen it?”

You nod your head. “Mhm! Yeah, I know that place. Haven’t been ‘cause I haven’t had a need to, but I think it’s good we’ll have a shop like that around here. Do you like working there so far?”

June puts his chin in his hands and takes a large gulp of smoothie. “Oh definitely!” He nods. “Couldn’t ask for a better job or coworkers.”

“Awe, that’s so good to hear!” You smile, genuinely happy for him.

“What about your job?” June asks. “Do you like your coworkers?”

You clench your teeth and look away for a couple moments. “Um…I guess it’s not as bad now that this one dude got fired. But the store was so desperate for people that at first, they didn’t fire him even when he was literally harassing and bullying me. And you might be thinking ‘well, why didn’t you quit?’ And it’s because I was too scared to. I know my tasks there, I know the people, it’s comfortable. I didn’t want to have to do more job searching and the terrifying interview and go into the unknown where I would have no clue what to expect. Sad, I know.” You sigh and take an ashamed sip of loser smoothie.

June’s eyebrows furrow in sympathy, and he gives you a reassuring smile. “Hey, come on now. That’s not sad, I totally get it. The comfort of routine and the fear of the unknown are super valid. Even if a routine may have something that hurts you, it’s easier…and feels safer to stay with that than to risk doing something new that could…go wrong.” His voice and his smile oddly faltered a bit by the end there. His blue eyes cloud for a moment, seeming distant, as if he’s remembering something.

“Right, yeah. You get it!” You try to break him out of whatever potential bad memories he might be reliving. “Thanks for validating me.”

June’s eyes flicker back to you, and his cute smile comes back.

Wait. What did you just call his smile??

“Of course!” He says, and you hope to heaven above that your face looks normal.

“So, um…” you try to think of something to talk about before you start accidentally making yourself blush more or something. “Is it alright if I ask you why you don’t tie your shoes? At least, I assume it’s on purpose, given that you’ve had a couple chances to tie them. If that is a rude question or too intrusive, I apologize!” You try not to wince at the anticipation of him getting upset with you for asking him that question.

After June swallows a sip of smoothie, he waves his hand dismissively. “Oh, no it’s not rude! You’re all good. I just don’t like them feeling uneven.”

Your eyes widen, and you subconsciously lean a little towards him over the table. “Wait, you hate uneven shoes too?? Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I’m not alone in that!”

June tilts his head to the side a bit with a reassuring smile. “Of course you’re not alone in that!”

You look down at your slip-on shoes, just wanting to peek at them due to them now being the topic of conversation. “Well, that makes me feel better. Nobody I know has ever talked about it. I’ve been late to class a couple times because I had to re-tie my shoes like, 4-6 times to try to make them feel even. It’s so annoying. I’m very thankful for slip-on shoes, that’s for sure.”

June takes another sip of smoothie, and you follow suit. “Geez, yeah that’s rough. I’m glad you got some slip-ons, though!”

“Thanks! I’m glad that I know a fellow even-feeling shoe enjoyer now. It’s validating as hell,” you chuckle, and June chuckles with you.

The nice moment between you two is interrupted by a loud buzz from your pocket. June looks at you curiously as you tense up.

“Oh boy.” You slowly start pulling your phone out of your pocket, cursing your hand for shaking.

You take a moment to gather the courage to look at it, and…you slump down in your chair with relief when you see it’s just a text from your mom asking how your day is going.

“Oh thank fuck,” you exhale.

June looks at you curiously, but obviously seems conflicted due to not wanting to intrude on your personal life. You give him a knowing look.

“It was my mom. I was worried it was going to be my partner,” you take an awkward sip of smoothie.

June’s eyes widen ever-so-slightly, but he quickly composes himself. “Oof.” He also takes an awkward sip of smoothie.

You’re not liking the tense silence now, so you decide to move on. “I don’t really want to spill all of my relationship issues onto you when we just met, even if you’re willing to listen. Which I appreciate, by the way. I’d like for you to associate my presence with…well, not trauma-dumping, that’s for sure!” You chuckle.

June looks a little concerned again for a moment, but lets it go. “I get it. I’d probably do the same thing in your shoes. So…do you want to not think about it for a while?”

You nod your head eagerly. “Definitely. How about that tour I offered?” You ask, slightly desperately.

June shoots you a solid thumbs up while sipping his drink. “Sounds good to me!”

After the finishing of smoothies, you and June throw your cups away and start walking around the mall. You show him your favorite shops, what kinds of other shops are available, and the quietest times of the week. Luckily, June has no problem having a fast tour of the mall so the both of you can leave and explore the quieter town.

As you walk around, you two pass both your workplace as well as the shop June works at, and you end up exchanging some work stories.

“Yeah, I have a knack for scaring the shit out of Matt,” June laughs. “I swear that I try to let him know I’m there before I tap his shoulder! He’s just so easy to spook.”

You giggle at that, imagining a gruff and rugged 40 year old man jumping 10 feet in the air from a little shoulder tap.

“Poor Matt!” You can’t help but smile.

June waves off your sympathy. “Ah, he’s fine. Don’t worry about him!”

“Okay,” you laugh. “I’ll take your word for it.”

You end up telling June a couple of work stories that don’t involve the guy that harassed you, or basically just any negative stories in general. I don’t want to be a Debbie downer. I gotta make sure I’m somewhat pleasant to be around so that I don’t ruin things right out of the gate with him.

The more you walk around town with June, the more you properly forget about your partner being mad at you, and the anxiety in your stomach subsides for a while. Talking with June feels really nice, he’s super understanding, and the conversations flow so easily. You have trouble remembering the last time you had such a pleasant time with someone other than Marshmallow. You furrow your brow as you think about the fact that you don’t really spend time with anyone other than them. Even if you’re with friends or acquaintances, they’re there.

Don’t ignore their anxiety. Their last partner really messed with their head, it’s okay if they want to come with you to places. How selfish can you be?

You’re pulled out of your spiral when June says your name.

“Huh? What?” You ask, hoping you didn’t space out for too long. Ugh, June must think you’re such a scatterbrain!!

“You good?” He asks, with that concerned look again. You hate making him look like that. You want him to smile, you don’t want him to worry about you.

“Yes, thank you.” You smile and shake your head in a futile attempt to clear it. “Um, so…ah.” You gesture to the park that the two of you are currently walking past. “This park is a nice place to chill and relax, at least when there’s not too many people. It’s nice to watch the birds.”

June looks around at the park’s trees with a soft smile. “Hmm. Good to know! Love me a good birb.”

You chuckle at that, focusing on his smile. “Well,” you clap your hands together gently. “I’ve taken up enough of your time, it’s been-“ you check your phone’s clock and your eyes widen. “Holy shit, 2 hours. Damn.” Time really flew by, it felt like 45 minutes…

June holds his hands up reassuringly. “Hey, it’s no problem at all! I really appreciate you taking me around town and showing me where stuff is.”

You nod at him with a small smile. “Absolutely!” You hold out your hand to him, offering a handshake. “Well, June, it was really nice to meet you! Thank you for being kind enough to check in on a distressed stranger. You’re a good dude.”

June returns the handshake, his face looking slightly bashful. Adorable, you can’t help thinking to yourself.

“Of course! Wasn’t just gonna pass you by. It was really nice to meet you as well!” He smiles politely, but it doesn’t look forced, to your relief.

You and June let go of the handshake, and you point your thumb in the general direction of your apartment. “I’m walking this way, which direction are you going in? ‘Cause I don’t wanna do that thing where we say goodbye and then we awkwardly end up walking in the same direction.”

June laughs, and it’s a wonderful laugh. Not one of judgement, not one of teasing, but one of understanding. He points his thumb in a different direction. “I totally getcha! I’m going that way, so we’re good on that front.”

“Okay, cool. Well June, it’s been a pleasure. Maybe I’ll see you around town again sometime.” You shrug casually, hoping you’re giving the correct signal that you don’t expect him to give you more of his time, but letting him know you’re open to spending more time with him.

“Yeah, for sure! That’d be cool.” He gives you a friendly wave and gently says your name. “Take care!”

You grin and wave back at him. “You too!” You watch him walk away, and let out a quiet, contented sigh. You watch June stick his hands in his pockets, just looking at stuff around him as he walks, as if everything he passes deserves to be acknowledged and observed.

You don’t want to be weird, so you turn towards the direction of your apartment and start walking home. Instead of having anxiety again about your partner as you make your way back, you instead think about June. The way he made you feel so validated and understood. How he didn’t judge you, how he was laughing with you, not at you, and how it felt so easy to talk to him. You can’t help but feel really happy at the possibility of seeing him again sometime.

Even if your relationship never makes it past acquaintance status, even if you never talk with him again, you’re thankful for the time you got to spend with him today. He made you feel a little less alone, and made you feel better about some things you were either ashamed of or worried about.

You look over your shoulder, spotting him one last time as he grows further in the distance. Your lips curl into a small smile, your heart feeling full.

Thank you, June.

[ink-and-blood-goddess]

All My Love For You (Arthur Harrow x Reader)

Requested by Anonymous-Hiii there! I really enjoy all your stuff and I literally am in love with your writing!

If it’s not too much to ask, may I request for Arthur Harrow x reader fic where the reader is in love with Arthur but she doesn’t think he feels the same? Like unrequited love but in secret Arthur likes her too? Angst/fluff or hurt/comfort would be amazing!

A/N-Finally, another request finished and ready. Again, I felt I’ve gone overboard with this, but hey at least it’s finished. Anon, I hope you enjoy this after waiting over a year for this to be done.

Requests have been opened back up for two weeks. If anybody still wants to make a request, please send it through my inbox or DM (Direct Message) so that I can get started on it :). Lists are down below for better navigation.

Also, on my last fanfic request post, I’ve noticed people commenting down below to be tagged in the next part of it. If anybody wants to be tagged in the next fanfic request or one of my own, please do so, it’ll help me out more when I post…

List of Characters IV

Underworld Requests

Good Omens

Warnings: Major angst, some language, fear of loneliness, not being loved back, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of past abuse, and tons and tons of fluff at the end 

Citrus Scale: 🍎

W.C+: 4.4K

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Love. That’s the only thing you feel for your master and mentor Arthur Harrow. It felt like a stupid high school type crush, but for you it feels more serious than that.

In the past, you’ve had many abused relationships with other men and how they abused your love for them. After your last relationship ended very badly, you’ve had enough and left without turning back. The only thing you took with you was your backpack with only clothes and some money you’ve saved up.

As you walked alone down the streets at the dead of night, you cried your eyes out with your heart aching with complete heartbreak. Your soft sobs echoed through the abandoned alleyways of the buildings you’ve passed by.

Your cries were heard, as a mysterious man came out of the shadows of one of the buildings. He was quite shocked to see you at this time of night. That’s when he noticed your tear ridden face, glistening beneath the street lights. Whatever you’ve been through, he invited you to come inside with him.

With everything you’ve been through and nothing else left in your life, you took up his offer and went inside with him.

Taking you in by your hand, he guided you into the building and took you into a private area for you to rest.

After a few hours of rest and some warm food inside of your stomach, he asked you why you were walking all alone on the streets in the dead of night. Soon after you broke down and told him everything that happened. 

He listened carefully to you as you told him about your past relationships and how they abused the love you’d given them. After your last relationship ended on a sour note, you’ve had enough and left that sorry asshole behind. You sobbed and sobbed with your hands covering your tear ridden face, feeling like total shit as you told all of this to a complete stranger you just met.

But he sat there, listening to you talk about what you’ve gone through and how horrible you were treated. Rubbing his hand up and down your back, comforting you in a way.

He felt so bad for you, watching you cry. Sorrow filled his blue eyes and felt his heart grow heavy with it too. With no other place to go to turn to, he offered you a place within his community to stay and heal from your past.

You were forever grateful for his offer and for himself. You had a place to stay and to call it home. You felt safe now.

That was a few years ago. You’ve been living happily inside of the community ever since and never looked back. Feeling more safe in this new environment and connecting with the other members of the community as well. 

Over the past few years you lived here, you’ve became more closer towards Arthur. Teaching and mentoring you through his guidance. How his soft voice puts you into a trance of sorts whenever he speaks to you.

The time you spent with Arthur, the more he understood of what you’ve went through. How each time his heart grew heavier and heavier of sorrow, when you talked about your past partners and how they never loved you in return.

He’s always there for you. Checking up during the day and night to see if you're comfortable, seeing each other during meal time, and spending quality time with just the two of you. 

With all this quality time spent with Arthur, you’ve grown much closer to him in the past three years. From holding hands to embracing one another under the moonlight, you never realized what was happening right before your eyes. You were falling in love again.

But how? After your last relationship, you swore to yourself not to fall in love ever again. You didn’t want to start all over again. Didn’t want your heart broken. It felt like a never ending cycle for you and it haunted you deeply.

The very thought of it scared you each minute you spent with him. It felt like you were sick, but you were fine. 

Any time you were with Arthur, the pit of your stomach grew more and more wider as your love for him took over your mind. You didn’t mean to fall in love again, but you couldn’t let go of the feeling.

It felt like Cupid shot you with one of his arrows and can’t take it out. That arrow will be forever stuck inside of your chest. Your heart fluttered like a little caged bird every time you saw Arthur or spent time with him. 

The more it grew, the more you loved him. But you never told him. You became afraid of what’ll Arthur would say or think if you say ‘I love you’ to him. That he’ll never love you back and leave you. That’s the thing you feared the most in any relationship. Having somebody leave you.

That’s the very thing you didn’t want happening to you at all. So you kept it to yourself and never said anything about your feelings towards Arthur. Keeping it a secret meant that you’ll never tell him and he’ll never find out about the whole thing either.

You kept your feelings a secret for a few weeks, until one night they were uncovered.

It was a quiet night in the community. A gentle, cool wind blew through the leaves and branches of the trees outside of the walls. Sweeping through the dining hall and into the other areas of the community.

You zipped up your jacket to your neck as the cool breeze passed through where you were sitting in the dining hall. After shivering a bit, you went back to eating the hot, lentil soup that sat in front of you on the table. 

Half of the community members were gathered around one another for tonight’s meal. All of them were talking and laughing over what they were up to or what they did from today. They were all happy, not caring about anything at all. You wish it was the same for yourself.

Your (E/C) eyes scanned through the dining hall to see if Arthur was anywhere. It was really hard to tell through the large crowd of community members.

After looking around for a few moments, you went back to eating. Taking in another spoonful of the lentil soup, you felt the semi hot liquid swirl around your tongue and trickle down your throat slowly.

It felt really nice to have a warm meal each day and a cozy bed to sleep in, but that wouldn’t have happened without Arthur. He gave you a place to stay and food to eat. He also didn’t give up on you either. 

Standing by your side almost every day, as you slowly got over your heartbreak. He never left you alone, until you got better. 

Arthur treated you much differently than the other members of the community. In a way, it made you feel special in his eyes.

After a couple of weeks of staying here, you started to warm up to your new surroundings. The members of the community were very nice to you and accepted you as one of their own. You became a part of their family in a way.

For the past few years of calling this place home, you felt something pull yourself towards Arthur. At first you thought you were sick, but you were completely fine. This also happened on other occasions whenever you were around him too.

There were instances when Arthur spoke to you with his soft voice, your whole face felt hot and glowed red. You didn’t even know that was happening at all and it felt like your heart was ready to explode from it too.

Other times you felt your heart beating faster than it should. The blood rushing up to your face so quickly you almost fainted several times. Your heart felt like a caged bird ready to burst out of your chest.

There were a number of other things like Arthur’s hand slightly brushing up against yours, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, letting you sit next to him at meal times, and spending time alone with just you.

At first you thought it was Arthur treating you differently after what you’ve been through before coming to the community.

 You missed the signs so many times, not even realizing until it was too late. Never realizing that you’ve fallen in love with Arthur.

Ever since, you’ve been trying to avoid the topic and avoid Arthur at all costs. 

You felt defeated in a way. Mostly defenseless against your own feelings overcoming you and your whole mind. Lately, you’ve been overthinking about this whole situation. What would Arthur say and how would he react to you saying you love him?

The awful dread filled both your mind and heart like a large black hole swallowing you whole. Arthur hating and leaving you for loving him haunted you all over the place in your mind. The very last thing you ever wanted to happen was to be alone and heartbroken forever. Still, you don’t really know how to deal with the whole situation that’s causing you pain and torment mentally.

As you continued to eat another spoonful of lentil soup, a hand suddenly came out of nowhere and gently gripped your shoulder. “Aw there you are my dear. I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” a familiar voice followed. Taking the spoon out of your mouth and swallowing the soupy liquid down your throat, you looked over your shoulder to see it was just Arthur.

Arthur looked peaceful tonight. He always is. Standing over your shoulder like a calm shadow. Both of his hands gripped the two handles of his cane, as he slightly leaned over. Several silver strands of his grayish brown hair blew across his pale skin when another gust of wind came through. 

His blue eyes looked upon your surprised face after startling you. He could tell you were quite surprised and somewhat uncomfortable when he touched you. That was soon replaced with a smile on his lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear have I startled you?” He asked as he pulled a chair up to sit next to you. You shook your head a bit. “Not a bit Arthur.” You said with a smile and took another spoonful.

He chuckled a bit, “That’s very good to hear. How’s your lentil soup?” 

“Good as always Arthur,” you said after removing the spoon from your lips and placing it back into the halfway done soup bowl. You then grabbed the cloth napkin from your lap and used one of the edges to wipe your mouth off.

“Another good thing to hear,” he chuckled more at your response, “good thing to have on a night like this.” You nodded in response. Another small gust of wind came through, making you both shiver at the same time.

Arthur had on his beige jacket like he always does at night. Even though you had your jacket zipped up to your neck, you still felt cold from the breeze coming through.

You picked the spoon back up and dipped it into the bowl again. “(Y/N) I like to ask you something,” he said as he watched you put another spoonful in. It was usual for Arthur to ask you questions about certain things, as long you know what he’s talking about. You nodded your head in response as a yes, what is it.

“Have you been feeling ill of late? You’re not your usual self when you’re around me.” You felt your heart skip a beat or two when he asked THAT question. The one you’ve been dreading he’ll ask you about what’s been going on with you lately.

You shook your head. “No, I’m perfectly fine Arthur. Why do you ask?” You asked after taking the spoon out and placed it onto the table next to the wooden bowl.

Arthur shifted a bit in his seat and darted his eyes away from you, as he looked around the community dining room for a bit and then came back to look at you.

“You’ve been acting quite strangely the past couple months, I’ve grown very worried for you. It’s like you’ve been distancing yourself from me. Did I do something wrong or has something been bothering you lately,” his voice sounded a bit hurt.

Shit. He’s starting to notice. I need to put a stop to this now or else. I don’t want to start this fucking cycle all over again, your thoughts took over your mind. This can’t go on forever. You have to tell him. Tonight, but not here. There’s too many eyes and ears all over the place. You have to make your move now or it’ll be too late.

“Yes Arthur,” you finally say, “something has been bothering me. The reason I haven’t been around you much, is because I didn’t want to worry you about it. I didn’t know how to talk about it either.” You turned your head away a bit and closed your eyes.

“I see,” he said as he let out a heavy sigh. You opened your eyes back up and turned your head towards him again.

He was turned away from you, but his head snapped back towards you. It was like he was waiting for you to look back at him.

“Not that I’m mad about it at all my dear (Y/N). I understand that you’ve kept this issue from me. You wanted to spare my feelings from what you’re dealing with.” He sounded so calm, but sounded wounded in his voice.

“Whatever it is (Y/N). I want to know what you’re going through. You can’t keep me in the dark if you continue doing this to me. I’m still your friend here. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own. This issue you’re dealing with won’t let up if you just talk to me about it.”

Arthur has a point there. You can’t keep this up anymore. Arthur deserves the truth. The truth that you love him.

You turned away for a bit and looked through the dining hall, making sure nobody near you was listening. Then you turned back to Arthur.

“Alright Arthur, I’ll talk about what’s been on my mind,” you then leaned in closer towards him, “but not here. I want to talk about it privately. There’s too many eyes and ears around us.”

Arthur nodded in agreement with you, “alright. Perhaps after dinner then. It’ll be much quieter for us to talk. How does that sound?” You smiled a bit at him as you nodded in agreement.

“After dinner sounds good to me Arthur. It’ll help me more with my thoughts,” you said as you felt your face heat up a bit.

“Let’s talk about in my living area. It’ll be much quieter when everybody has gone to bed for the night,” he said as he got up and lightly patted you on the shoulder. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later Arthur,” you gave him a warm smile and he smiled back at you. As he walked away with his cane in hand, you felt your heart grow heavier by the second. You have to tell him. Now or never.

After finishing the last of the lentil soup, you helped clean up and put everything away for the night. With everybody gone to bed now, you headed to Arthur’s living area on the ground floor.

Your thoughts began to eat at your mind again, as you walked up to the door with the crocodile door knocker looking down at you. Before you could knock upon the door, it opened up with Arthur on the other side. There was a friendly smile on his lips. The mere sight of you always makes him happy.

“(Y/N). Come on in. I’ve made some tea for us,” Arthur stepped back a bit and you came inside. Arthur’s living area was quite different from the other living spaces, including yours. It was more spacious and had more room to it. The kitchen area was almost the same size of your bedroom alone.

“Go on and sit down at the table. I’ll bring out the tea,” he said as he closed the door behind you and then walked off towards the kitchen. You walked over to the table that was near the wall towards where the kitchen was.

You pulled out the chair nearest to the end of the table and sat down. Your thoughts raced through your mind rapidly. Trying to think of what to say to him and how he’ll react to it. Your hands started to shake a bit and your fingers twitched. It felt like you were about to have a nervous breakdown. The clinking of glass brought you back to the real world.

Turning and looking over your shoulder, you watched as Arthur walked out with two terracotta red mugs in each hand. Steam swirled around in the air, when Arthur walked closer to the table.

Once he got to the side where you were sitting, he placed down the mug in front of you with one hand and then the other mug at his seat. Finally, he sat down at the end of the table and pushed the seat forward at an angle to face towards you.

“Go on ahead my dear. It’s ginger, lemon and honey. Helps with a sore throat,” he said as he took some small sips from his mug.

You picked up the mug placed in front of you, blew into it a few times, and took a few quick sips of it. The hot and sweet tea went down your throat quickly as it burned a bit. You tasted both the lemon and ginger right away, with the honey following.

It took a moment or two for the tea to cool down a bit to be more drinkable. With your tea half gone, you let the other half cool off some more and set the mug back down onto the table. Arthur puts down his as well, licking some of the left over tea off of his lips.

“So (Y/N). What’s been bothering you,” he asked in a calm voice. When he asked you the question, you felt your fingers twitch again. It’s like your entire body was going haywire.

You thought it out for a moment or two, until you found the right words. “It’s difficult to explain Arthur. There’s so many words and I don’t know how to use them. Like swallowing them all at once, but can’t seem to find the right ones.”

As you started to talk, Arthur rested his chin in the palm of his left hand as he placed his arm upon the table for support.

“Arthur,” you said as your heart began to slowly beat faster, “a few years ago. You invited me inside and let me live here after what I’ve been through that night. I’m forever grateful for what you did for me.”

“Over the past few years, you’ve shown nothing but kindness and compassion towards me. Helping and guiding me through your teachings as I became a member of the community here. Treating me like a totally different person entirely and making me feel safe within these walls all of us call home.

“And through that, something inside me changed. I didn’t know at first. I thought it was just a one time thing, but it never went away. Whenever you spent time with me, that thing stayed with me the entire time. To me, it felt like pulling myself towards you as it swelled up more and more. Still, I didn’t know what it was, until it was too late when I found out.” 

Arthur shifted in his seat a bit. Growing very worried about you by the second now. “Found what (Y/N),” he asked in a calm, worried manner. “What did you find out too late about?”

Your heart began to beat much faster now. Like a bird stuck within a rose bush full of prickly thorns. Your mind racing all over the place, as you try to keep calm.

“I thought of forgetting about the whole thing and just move on. It only worked for a few weeks, until now. I stopped thinking of the whole thing, but they crept towards me and my mind. By now, it was already too late.” You grew silent now. Your heartbeat increased in seconds, waiting for a question from Arthur.

“Too late? Too late for what (Y/N),” Arthur was becoming more worried now. In his voice, he sounded hurt.

IT’S TIME. JUST SAY IT, your thoughts started screaming at you. Every fiber inside of your body felt like they’re going to explode now.

“Arthur Harrow. I’m in love with you.” Once you said that, complete silence filled the air. You felt your breath hitch in your throat after saying that. 

Shock quickly went across Arthur’s face. His hand left his chin and went to the table in a quick flash. “You’re what?”

Suddenly you felt the flood gates open very rapidly, “oh God Arthur, I’m so sorry,” you cried out. Tears began to stream down your face very rapidly. “I didn’t know how you’ll react to this. Ever since I came here and after the shit I’ve been through, I thought it would never happen to me again, but it did. I started having feelings for you when we started to get closer with one another. At first I thought I was sick, but instead I was love sick. Love sick for you. That’s all it is. Feelings for you. I grew afraid that you’ll never love me in return after I declared mine for you. Wasting all my feelings away and I regret that now. I’m sorry for doing this to you Arthur. I didn’t know this was going to happen to anybody, especially you of all people. I just didn’t want my feelings crushed again. I just want to-”

You were suddenly cut off, as Arthur kissed you on the lips. You never saw him get up, since your tears blinded you in your rant. They felt warm and soft against yours. The smell of the tea he made intoxicated your senses as he slowly kissed you. It tasted sweet. Slowly, Arthur lifted his head up and removed his lips. 

He smiled a bit, as tears began to run down his face. You felt shock go through your whole body. Both your heart and mind were fucking screaming like crazy. You opened your mouth, but no words came out yet.

 “Arthur-” you finally said, but was cut off when Arthur raised his hand. “No need to explain any more my dear (Y/N). You were afraid of telling how you felt about me and I understand that. Believe me, you’re not alone on this.” Arthur choked up a bit, as more tears streamed down over his cheeks.

You felt your heart skip a beat or two, “Arthur, what are you talking about?” You leaned in a bit closer, awaiting an answer.

Arthur sighed heavily, turned his face away from you, and slowly closed his eyes. You could tell he felt uncomfortable. There was something else that you didn’t know about.

He then turned his head back over to you and slowly opened his eyes back up, with tears still streaming down.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, “the very first time I met you, you needed help. You were all by yourself that one night. Walking along the dark alleyway and I took you in. You were so fragile, I didn’t want anything else happening to you. I made sure you were safe when I invited you into my home. From that night on, I felt something blossom inside. At first I thought it was something else, but it wasn’t. That’s when I felt it. Love. I fell in love with you (Y/N).”

You felt your heart stop for a second or two, with your breath caught inside of your throat. Arthur. He’s in love with me. But why did he hide this from me, your thoughts were running rapidly as your heart started fluttering inside of your ribcage.

“Oh Arthur,” you breathed out with a sigh, holding one hand close to your chest while the other covered your mouth. “How long have you been hiding this?”

“Three years,” he said in a calm, low voice, “three whole years I’ve kept it secret from you. At first I didn’t know how you’ll react to it. So I kept quiet about the whole thing and went on. Though, I only showed little signs of my love for you. Hiding it was the only possible way to keep it secret. Until tonight of course.”

Three years. Three years he kept it secret from you. You felt relieved and happy at the same time. Arthur felt the same way as you did. Keeping his feelings and love for you hidden, because he didn’t know how you’d react to him.

Both of you have feelings for one another, but didn’t know how either of you would react when you proclaimed your love for Arthur and his love for you. 

“Oh Arthur,” you said as you removed your hands from your mouth and chest and knelt down in front of him. You then placed your hands on top of his on his lap. Arthur looked down upon you, with his tears stopped flowing down his face.

“It’s alright Arthur. I understand what you did and I don’t hate you for it. Both of us didn’t know how to handle our feelings for one another. But that’s okay. We love one another and that’s all. Just the two of us, Arthur. Just the two of us.”

Your thoughtful words brought a big smile to him and to yourself.

“You’re absolutely right my dear (Y/N). We have each other’s love.” He said. You then picked yourself up off the floor slowly and then you placed your lips upon his. With your hands still on his, you felt your fingers intertwine with one another as you kissed and kissed.

At last, you felt your heart sync up with Arthur’s. There’s no other way, but just to keep kissing and kissing as long as you could.

Finally, you have somebody to love you in return and love you for all eternity.     

[alwritey-aphrodite]

AHHH POOKIE IM SO EXCITED FOR THE SUMMER EVENT AHH WOOP WOOP!!!

could I please request wildflowers with our boy sejanus <333 thank you 💐🌻🌷🌹

ps: life update for u- im doing one of those cakes where you put all your celebrity crushes on it for my birthday and sejanus is right in the middle next to TASM!peter😋 just made me think of youu ❤️❤️

AHHHH IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO ONE OF THOSE CAKES!!!! and the fact that you thought of me?!?!!?! im going to cry i love you so much

2024 Summer Blurbs

Memories have a strange way of creeping up on you, of receding before trickling forward until they can no longer be ignored, until all you can think about is some inconsequential thing you’d thought you’d long since forgotten. The things you wished you could remember, the color of your father’s eyes and the sound of your mother’s voice, disappear in the blink of an eye but the little moments seems to stick around, your mother’s favorite flowers and your father’s habit of snoring.

It hurts when the big things start to fade, and you know you’re not alone in this, the rainbow dress tucked safely under Lucy Gray’s bed a testament to her own desires and desperation, but you have no physical reminders to keep your parents whole, left only with what’s left in your mind. Talking about them seems to help, bringing them up as if they’ve just gone on a trip and haven’t been gone for most of your life, trying your hardest to remember their faces.

“These were my mother’s favorite flowers,” you say, brushing your fingertips gently along the petals the same way you’d brush your mother’s hair out of her eyes.

“They’re beautiful,” Sejanus replies, leaning around you so he can really see them, speaking from his heart instead of throwing out some generic answer.

The two of you have been spending an awful lot of time together lately, doing anything and everything just to see each other for a moment. Most of your time together is spent in the woods, finding clearings to lounge around in for a few hours or making trips to the lake on days where the heat gets too much. It really doesn’t matter what you do or what you talk about, you just like being with him, you just want to be with him as much as you possibly can.

Conversations shift and change and soon the sun is sitting and Sejanus is brushing the dirt from his pants, extending a hand out to help you from the forest floor. Just touching him sends shockwaves through you, and you want to keep his hand in yours forever. Much to your dismay, though, he drops your hand to pick up the bag you’d brought, slinging it over his shoulder and looking to you with a little smile as if to say he’s taken care of everything, and you can lead him home now.

You can’t stop thinking about holding his hand the entire trek back to your house, so you’re feeling extra bold when he hands your bag back outside of your front door and you plant a kiss on his cheek, turning inside before you can see his reaction.

The next morning when you step outside to work in the small garden you and Lucy Gray had started, you almost trip on something placed right in front of the door. It’s a bundle of flowers, and after picking it up to inspect it, a smile grows on your face that you’re a little worried is going to become permanent from how unbelievably happy you feel.

It’s all wildflowers, all shapes and sizes and colors, but the flowers in the middle, the flowers that make up most of the simple bouquet, are the ones you’d told Sejanus were the favorite of your mother. You feel like you’d going to explode into a million tiny pieces, your body working into overdrive as you try and deal with the beautiful gift in your hand, and as you fill up a small cup with water to keep your present alive for as long as possible, you wonder about when Sejanus had gone back to pick the flowers.

It had to have been late last night after he’d dropped you off or early this morning, and that thought makes you giddy all over again. Most of your day is spent just staring at the flowers placed on your table and grinning, wondering about how you can return the favor.

[kiwichaeng]

hello!! i hope you’re doing okay, and i hope your busyness isn’t too bad. as always, no pressure to answer this ask, but i am here as the hs tarlos fairy (i think i gave that a catchier name before) about to sprinkle a load of rambling into your inbox.

firstly, we have a single line from november which ive started editing. i’m finding it difficult to get lines that aren’t too spoilery but i mean..

In his defense, he really needed to spend an hour or so, longer, cuddling his boyfriend.

look, tk always needs to cuddle carlos. that’s a fact.

beyond november, i’m about to start writing february and have i raved about it yet because i’m super excited for it!? not to be annoying with these teases, but it’s a big month for parallels (so in term, sappiness). also, i should be posting the next chapter with carlos’ birthday tomorrow, and im excited for you to read that!!

one last thing: i said this before but ive been thinking again about their long-term future and i have a vague idea for the first 6ish months post-high school and UGH i could tell you everything 😭 (/pos). i love acting like these fictional boys exist it’s great.

wow this is super long. thank you for your time, sending you lots of love and positive vibes!! 💫

The notification for this was the first thing I saw when I woke up today and it was a really nice way to wake up! I read over this in the car but now I can actually like answer it lmao. I love the hs tarlos fairy title, it's very fitting 🩷

TK is soo correct! The cuddles are not a want but a NEED! Let this boy cuddle his boyfriend! They both deserve all the cuddles ever 🥺😭! I love them so much???? It's actually crazy how invested I am in this. All the cuddles for those two!!

OH MY GOD PARALLELS??? Listen I am feral for stuff like this! I am absolutely gonna go CRAZY when I read the parallels! (Although if I'm counting correctly then Feb will fall right in the middle of my finals 😞). I love love love stuff like this!!! Maybe I just love connecting random dots and crying over them. Delighted to hear you're thinking about their future! They deserve all the goodness and oh my god they're spending the rest of their life together dhjfhdjdhksjfhf 😭😭. Also gonna be honest I too think about them as real and existing sometimes to get through a day 😔

Since you sent this while I was asleep, I'm guessing the chapter comes out tonight for me which is AMAZING! Cannot wait! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish with everything by midnight so I can settle in and read 🩷. Thank you for this, I loved everything 🩷🩷

[onlyjaeyun]

DONT BE SHY YN SEND THE MESSAGE

sorry zadie baby ive been entertaining family these past few days so i finally got to catch up and chap 30 made me cry😭 butt ooo these hints of the fallout are DELICIOUS (i am not allowing my self to relax i preparation for round two) also i love the “yappa yappa yappa” bc i say “yadda yadda yadda” to my friends CONSTANTLY among other silly things

but omg i got to baby sit my 4month old cousin and 🥺🥺🥺shes so cute i want a baby SO BAD (had a dream hoon and i had a baby within these few days and i woke up and stared at the ceiling for an hour he was sucha. good girl dad🥺) but goodness shes so sweet i was so sad when they left last night and i fted them today and she lit up when she saw me this baby fever kicking my ass man🥺🥺🥺

oh goodness this is the cutest thing ever i love babies so so so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🩷 im so happy to hear that you had such a good time baby and omg i cant get over your niece pls that is literally the best thing about being an uncle/aunt and URGH i hope you get to see her asap!!!!🥺🩷

[figjelly]

Last two days: on and off fever, chills, sore throat, covid negative the whole time

Today: alright gonna go into a walk-in clinic, pretty sure it's strep, ask for some antibiotics

Approximately 1:30P today

First place: we don't do walk-ins anymore

Second place: it'll be 2-3 hours

Me: drives 20 minutes across town to other urgent clinic

Third place: 3-4 hours

Me: fine I guess meme because I don't wanna drive ALL the way back across town

Me: can't go home because if I do, I'll fall asleep because I feel so shitty. Swallowing is now equivalent to dante's ninth level of hell (it's not cold, it's just fucking bad and it's the worst)

Third place: sends a text saying time for check in (it's been 2.5 hours)

Me: okay, here I am, ready to go

Third place: yeah, so we don't take your insurance

Me, just ready to kill someone: *furiously scribbling* why could you not call earlier

Third place: we don't look at that before we're ready for you

Me, goes back to car and breaks down

Me: goes to fourth place

Fourth place: we don't have any appointments for the next three days

Me, openly just breaks down in front of people now

Fourth place: oh no, I feel bad now oh no

Me, internally: YOU FEEL BAD? IVE MISSED THREE DAYS OF WORK, NO PAY, AND IM STILL NOT BETTER MY PERIOD HAS BEEN ACTING FUCKING WEIRD AND TODAY IS THE DAY IT DECIDED TO RUSH DOWN THE HALLS OF THE THAT HOTEL FROM THE SHINING FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Me, external: ugly crying

Me: goes back to second place

Second place: it'll be three to four hours

Me: fine

[midnighteloquence]

watashi wa jisatsu shitaidesu

ignore whatever that means its a /nsrs

anyways! lets talk about why i no longer like friend d!

so im gonna split this rant into TWO PARTS!

Part A: things ive noticed myself/seen first hand

okay number one! they said that theyre diagnosed with bipolar, which THEY ARENT. first off, diagnosis are expensive asf no matter what youre trying to diagnose and im not being mean at all but just saying theyre on the free lunches plan soo, two diagnosis takes agessss and they just so happen to suddenly have one??

number two, theyll shit talk like everyone. i only started noticing recently that most of what comes out of their mouth is shit talk. and its fine if you have a lot to say about shitty people but then you immediately talk to them again as if you didnt just say you want to curb stomp them?? it gets confusing and ngl is really bitchy

number three! milked tf out of the fact that one of their friends said they might be autistic. which no. autism isnt something you should milk for attention!! and like the only symptoms they have are the depressive ones which USUALLY should lead you to believe that maybe you just have depression? idk im not a psychologist

on that note, they want to be a psychologist, yet doesnt understand why people act the way they do (like theyll shittalk people for things they cant fucking control) and also has rheir own problems? this would most likely be even more self destructive right? to have to solve others mental health before your own? idk im just thinking

also also they seem to care more about getting into relationships (AT THE AGE THEYRE AT) than grades which uh. yes i am literally on my knees yearning for a relationship but also at least im actually doing school and excelling academically ✌️

plus dont you gotta do good at school to be a psychologist?? thats like a really hard subject

Part B: things ive been told

this part is where it gets more blurry, since some isnt backed up (but most is dw!)

they dated C two years ago and used to do freaky shi to them at the back of the bus (make out, cuddle, touch thighs, etc), which a friend of ours i’ll call F saw first hand! um ew.

they trauma dumped on C first things first which uh

C and F would sit with each other a lot and talk alotttt because theyre both neurodivergent and nd people tend to go well and D got all pissy and like “me when my friends leave me out..” and so to shut them up (shut me up? by msi?) F told them that they might be autistic and they started milking tf out of it

told a bunch of people that C sa’d them which C did not! also told F that C’s sa story was fake and that C mentally and physically abused them (there are screenshot proof of D saying this btw!)

told people that im not autistic and that im faking it because im self diagnosed which THEY LITERALLY ARE + IVE DONE COUNTLESS HOURS OF RESEARCH ON AUTISM LEAVE ME ALONE

something ive noticed but isnt it weird that all their relationships lasted only a couple months? kinda says something

would manipulate people into taking their side by saying “oh dw its my fault not theirs!”

on that note their recent partner broke up with them AND GAVE A WHOLE ASS GOOGLE DOC ABOUT WHY WITH AMAZING EXPLANATIONS + SAYS A THOUSAND TIMES THAT IT ISNT THEIR FAULT, but C twisted it to make them the bad guy which tf he has the best moral compass of everyone ik stfu

jokes alot about substance abuse (which they do btw) but it just gets like “what am i supposed to say?”

ON THAT NOTE OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY they texted F that they tried killing themselves and F responded with an “oh” because tf are rhey supposed to say to that?? (F told me that they were literally crying when they saw that)

was a terrible friend to F, F noticed and cut off ties (good for them!! They have so much courage because i could legit never i love them for that 💪💪) and then they proceeded to send a lengthy apology which was all bs btw!

ive been told that they faked their trauma, substance abuse, and their eating disorders, but tbh im not sure if that’s true or not (considering ive seen texts theyve gotten from their mum about eating)

minor but they say theyre goth but dont even listen to the music which is the whole point! and also doesnt follow the political opinions of goth!

(did the same with punk, btw!)

not sure if true or if C said this to save their own ass but apparently D got C to shit talk me (i talked about in an earlier rant) which errr…

Secret Part C: small details

this section is in bullet points!

insulted F “jokingly” to the point they had huge gender dysphoria

thought F had a crush on their bf (at the time) when F’s literally a lesbian

not only a pathological liar but a inconsistent one!

okay this is kinda hypocritical but they follow sh blogs that show cvts

+ says the cuts are cute (which is something i dont do. i actually dont even follow them but from time to time i’ll scroll through and want to vomit /nav)

literally gave me a step by step tutorial on how to purge

not lying!

complained about their bf not kissing them in public (which is something you talk to your bf about not me! + boundaries fucking exist?)

very minor but alot of the stuff they like its mostly because it got popular on tt

will say shit like “ive only been catcalled like three times in this outfit!” which no ew + gave me a massive insecurity that im not pretty enough! choose your words wisely!

so to sum it all up theyre a terrible human being and im glad i dont talk to them anymore! thanks for reading this lengthy post!

[snootchie-bootchie-nootchies]

I'm seventeen, not twenty-four. Let's get that out of the way.

I came to look at your account for new content, and I was blocked. No reporting, no asking if I was okay, just blocked. So after going to my burner account and seeing the post you made of course I was pissed.

Apparently you said I'm "crying in your dm's about you blocking my ED account"

If you read the FIRST message I sent you on my SECOND account (after you blocked me- and which I'm pretty sure you ignored) it said "This is an old account that I haven't used in years. If knew how to delete the posts I would."

You didn't send me a link on how to delete all the triggering posts. You know what you did? You blocked me. Again.

Once I figured out how to delete all the posts (which I took an hour doing) and I told you I cleaned my account out, and refreshed it, you blocked me again!

To move onto other topics of your fuck ass response, "I love Randal Graves, why would I want to act like him"

Honey, you like him. Need I say more? "Porch monkey, Helen Keller/Anne Franke debacle, Beastiality, Homophobia, a 30 year old who fucks 17 year olds"

You obviously like him for a reason.

But last but not least you told me "I hope you can get out of that nasty community"

IVE BEEN OUT OF IT FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS YOU DUMBASS BITCH I SAID THAT IN MULTIPLE ASKS

ONCE AGAIN ILL SAY AS JAY ONCE SAID BEFORE, 'man- you're a lost fucking cause'

You must've not passed second grade if you've missed out on THIS many context clues.

(Also post this on your account!!! out me all you want honey <3)

If I get blocked again it'll just prove I'm right.

Christ almighty

I told you those two asks were the only asks I got in my inbox. I did not get any prior asks. I apologize for that, but like I said, it's not my fault, it's tumblr's. I only blocked the original account, and then your previous burner after I posted those asks. Which, was pretty petty of me, I will admit. They just really took me by surprise, because to me, they were incredibly hostile and coming out of seemingly nowhere. So I responded in kind. It was shitty.

With added context that I HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY HAD, let me reiterate- I DID NOT GET THOSE ASKS. If I had, I definitely wouldn't have been such a massive dickhead. Anyways with this context, I will apologize. If I had that I probably would have unblocked you and like, chatted with you or some shit. But you truly cannot blame me for something that was not my fault whatsoever. I'm not gonna lie to you about this shit I fucking hate liars, i didn't get those asks.

In regards to you just "being blocked" - I have no obligation to ask if you're okay. You're a stranger clearly going through your own shit, I'd rather not try to like... 'help' and probably make it worse or have you get angry or something. And reporting accounts on Tumblr is annoying as balls I've tried before and it almost always amounts to nothing. Ultimately I have the right to monitor who is following me.

I'm glad you're out of there. That's great. I'm happy for you. I didn't know this! Because I didn't get those asks!

About the context clues, there were none for me to read. Also I'm autistic, not to blame it on that necessarily, but I do have a hard time reading that shit genuinely.

I don't know why you're lingering on this Randal shit. I can be a good person and like shitry characters and villains. He's fucked up and funny 🤷‍♂️ also you're mentioning everything from clerks 2 and I don't really like him in that movie, he feels like a caricature, I'm kore of a clerks 1 kind of guy tbh

Sorry this is getting really long, I'm trying to address as much as possible. Idk.

I am not opposed to unblocking you if your account is clean and shit, man. (EDIT: sorry i just realized your previous ask did say that lol. my bad, my memory is shitty as hell. i couldn't even look at the time bc i was on mobile and idfk how to use that shit, and i was busy spending time with my family because i have a pretty damn busy life outside tumblr)

I have college shit to do right now but I will look into it soon. I know this post is still kind of pissy but I am not going to block you again if you can find it in yourself to be a 🤏 teesny bit more respectful (not even nice, just respectful) when sending me asks, cause I'm totally willing to talk this out with you.

Also sorry for implying you were 14 or 24. I never know with people on here. Anyways!

Yeah. Uhhh if you want to messafw me instead of airing this stuff out publicly feel free. I think I allowed that on this account? Lmk if I didn't. Thanks in advance, I have to do stupid academic shit now

[pyrait]

Friends after graduation

Kinda want to vent ab my uni friends

About a year ago, I finally agreed to go to my faculty's halloween party with my friends. This party is fucking big, like it's known in my city by every university student, tickets are super hard to get by, it's in a huge club and everybody dresses up.

Historically, ive hated parties. On one hand bc my alcoholic parents didnt give me the best experiences to handle drunk ppl, and on the other hand bc i had a lot of bad memories of when i used to black out when i was younger. But, this time, it was my last semester. I had only gone to this party on my first semester and ive become sober since, so i thought itd be a nice symbolic gesture to go, plus my friends really seemed to want me to.

Anyways, it's the party and im having a painfully normal time. I dont love dancing but i do like to talk to a lot of ppl, and i know a lot of ppl here. So i say hi to everyone i see and at one point i mix my main friend group and another couple of friends i know. I have to go to the bathroom, so i tell both groups and leave for a moment. When i come back, oh surpirse, literally not a soul on the dancefloor, not even a stranger.

Ofc, i start to panic. I don't remember if id ever told my friends, but another reason why i hate clubbing is bc, when i used to blackout, i usually did it with strangers. Strangers who obviously didnt care ab me, and basically left me to die everytime i got too drunk. This was kind of a trigger for me.

My phone was at 3%, and i've been left to die. Again. This time by my closest friends.

So i use my phone frantically to ask through the groupchat where everyone left to. Fortunately, it's inside the club. But, again, this club is huge.

They dont respond until after 15 minutes. They tell me where they are. I run. Theyre not there.

This goes on for literally an hour and a half. I couldnt go back home bc i didnt have my phone to ask for a taxi, and my friends didnt go looking after me even tho i was the only one who wasnt with the group.

By chance i find them and i start angry crying and scolding my friends as to why they left me alone. I told them that they knew how parties made me feel and they still cared more about themselves than me. One of them said "Sorry for leaving you, we just thought youd be perfectly fine on your own".

Now that i've been graduated from uni for ab six months, ive been feeling extra lonely bc im having a harder time socializing.

It's true what they say: once we´re all "adults", suddenly no one has time to hang out. It's not like we all have jobs, the majority including me's all unemployed and looking.

But i still see them posting pictures with eachother. They invite all eachother but me. They all support eachother in their crises but me.

Okay, about hanging out, maybe i havent been the most present friend. Im that type of person who loves you deeply regardless of how much we text or hang. But about treating eachothers crises, im always physically there. I send a little message, or i try to pay a visit.

This is not a victim competition, but some of my friends literally just break down for anything. And we're all still there reassuring them that we'll carry them.

For me, it's not the same. It seems like they feel the same way about leaving me alone at the club as they do for everything regarding me.

Even though I spent two months in bed and tried telling the people around me that i was going through a tough time and needed some support, no one came to ask me how i was doing. Like, why even try to bother when i got it perfectly all on my own.

I cant do it on my own. I need people. What do i have to do to be more lovable? What does their connection have that i cant fulfill?

[jj30ngk]

a letter i will never send (P ver.)

P, i just wish i could express how much i love you. i miss you so much and my heart hurts every time i remember how we cant be together. you were the first person who made me feel wanted and accepted. you were my first love. a day doesnt go by when i dont remember the beautiful memories we made. i cherish them in my heart forever. i hate that something like this had to come between us. but its just something we cant change even if we wanted to. and thats what i hate about fate. i promise that when you come back, i will make sure to make it all worth it. right now you are on a flight to seoul, and i know youre tired, its a 15 hour flight and im probably the last thing on your mind. but its the opposite for me. for the past two weeks, ive been thinking about you non stop. the no contact wasnt terrible, it was something i was able to manage, but the fact that you didnt reach out to me was killing me. becasue i would do anything to just feel your embrace. your kiss and your touch. i just miss you so so much. and i wish i could tell you every day without feeling guilty about it. because i know you want me to move on, i know you want me to find someone else. but how can i? when youre all ive ever wanted in a person. everything i needed and didnt know i was missing in my life.  

i never cry easily. but i remembered the first time i cried in front of you. it was april 22nd and we had just gotten back from western playland. i was laying down with my head on your lap and music was playing in the background. you were playing with my hair and caressing my face. i kept staring at you because you were looking so handsome. and then i realized “a few weeks from now, i’ll never have him like this ever again, it’ll all be over” and i started to cry. from then on, i cried almost every time i saw you, because i knew it was inevitable. i dont know how you didnt get tired of me crying. 

i realized that i cried of sadness, because this, whatever i had with you, was all i ever wanted. it felt free and like we were in control of our own lives. and i only had this feeling for 43 days. not even two full months. how can a feeling so happy not last forever ? 

in a way, i wanted to tell myself that this was another lesson sent from the universe. a lesson telling how real love feels like. but how can this be a lesson? if it was all destined to happen in just that month, how will it be in september when you come back? will things change? will we become closer? further apart? if im being honest, im all for whatever happens. i just want to see you again. one more time so that i could get that closure. seeing you is all i want this very moment. and i hope you feel the same. these next few months will be very hard for us to communicate, but i promise that i will continue to miss you and think about you everyday. 

until then, p. i love you.