#ive been busy and i just really wasnt happy with my writing

[shit-talk-turner]

Prev. message board anon here. Managed to dig out some old screenshots. I've copied and pasted them here as don't want to come off anon. These are mainly related to Alex and were posted by the sound engineer (I think). They're just random messages, not in any sort of order. Enjoy!

matt kinda says hi (he's half asleep, poor guy) ive managed to survive another night with the guys, and sucessfully cooked dinner. as a reward they took me to the pub...nice one

theyre more like extended family. (al's gone home, jammie's still on't playstation with my bro and matts curled up asleep in my room, he looks like a cat) FINALLY I HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!!! yay!!! *me doing a little dance in joy*

if that happened, hed prolly try n find you a chair (he's kind like that) and then hed stand there and panic about what to do.

yeah. it was bad wasnt it. got to the stage where we were all making fun, leaving little post-its with "get a haircut" written on, and generally begging him to get a haircut. he did it eventually, and now he looks hot again and less like a scarecrow. thank god!

alex update: he is wondering what to have for lunch.

no. not yet. hes having a gingerbreadman while he thinks about it.

hes gone off to find timm to find out what time were having dinner (because our schedule for the days changed). he said if he knows when dinner is, then he can make a proper decision on lunch - whether he wants a snack or a whole meal......

alex update: him n jammie are sat on the edge of the stage looking at the choice of songs theyve been given for their performance on Radio 1's Live Lounge on monday. theyre gonna do brianstorm, and they have to pick one of the four songs theyve been given to cover. theyre choosing now...

alex update: he's scurrying about looking for a cd he lost. to be honest it could be anywhere. its not very tidy at the moment.... and i think someone mentioned watching anchorman later.....

alex update: reading a book (well hes trying to, but matt keeps distracting him....) and hes trying to think what the best sandwich in teh world is (thats matts question of the day)

alex update: he's sat in't corner writing summat and on the phone. im always curious when i see him writing, cuz i automatically assume that hes writing lyrics - and then i start thinking about what he's done today to think what the song might be about and then i really, really, really want to hear how it would go......all this, and then i ask him what he's writing and he shows me that he's either doing a crossword, or writing a cd shopping list, or summat dissapointing....

alex update: seemed quite happy when we last saw him. think he's gone to change. and i think he's coming out later. not sure if he'll be out with us though. he doesnt really know mal and cookies mates. they were in the year above us at school...

alex update: he's all packed and sat on the sofa reading the article about AM in this weeks NME. by his facial expressions, i can't work out what he thinks about it..... :S

alex update: ............ there are no words to describe him today.

he's sat out in the sun with everyone, and he's the most relaxed and normal that i've seen him in soooo very long i think he's so relieved that the album did well and people like it. he just looks relaxed and, dare i say it............. HAPPY. :) he deserves it.

alex update: he's most defniatly asleep. he had a busy night last night, and last time i saw him the poor thing was asleep on his feet...

alex update - the only one of the fab four that i can see at the mo. i asked him what he's doing so i could report on it, and he said "dont just say im lying on the floor waiting for the microwave. that sounds reet boring. say 'im reclining on the carpet in a relaxed fashion, clasping a piece of toast waiting for my beans to be done , and im donning my shades in a classy way' ....yeah, that makes it sound a bit better. or do i just sound like a knobhead? okay, cut that bit out. just say....just say im eating. again. im always eating when youre typing......hmmm"

and that was all i could get from the fascinating Mr Turner, before the microwave "pinged"....

alex update: he's chilling with miles and some friends, havign a drink and watching some bands.

after the set, we all got a little bi too drunk, met up with James Ford (producer, and from simian mobile disco), james + simon (klaxons), lily allen, lovefoxx, a kook and some others (there was about 20 of us) and we wanted to go out at night to Lost Vague-ness (the most random field at glastonbury) but they didnt want to be noticed and harrassed, so we hired these random costumes. alex was a dinosaur, james was a swan, there was a chicken, a moose, me and lily were mushrooms...... was truley hilarious.

[its not really "news" but we just had a fight. a proper standing in the rain, shouting ourselves hoarse, having to be separated argument. thats the only problem with me and al, were too similar. SO stubborn, and a tendency to take things too personally and get a bit irrational. the basics, i was trying to be a good friend and tell him summat, he wasnt listening, we both said things we prolly shouldn't have, and then were taken away to calm down. it'll all be fine by the morning, thats just how we roll. but for tonight, im not gonna pretend were okay.]

the internet was once such a wild and lawless place

[jemmo]

his man 3 ep 9 + 10

consider me gagged. literally gagged. i tried so hard to avoid spoilers all day and im so glad i did bc wow ep 10 alone had changed so much for me. like i had to grab my laptop to write this so i could type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. anyway.

and let me start off with what im a little less invested in, which is the youngjoon and myeongkyun situation. i was busy on holidays for a couple of weeks when this was picking up so didn't write about my thoughts, but it was safe to say i was more on youngjoon's side, not a staunch hater of myeongkyun but bc i liked youngjoon a lot at the start and also feel for the frustration of someone giving vague answers when you're trying to talk something else bc man ive been there. but with this conversation, it puts myeongkyun's behaviour in such a different light thats easier for me to understand and empathise with. like... if you were invested in a relationship that ended vaguely but you always kept some amount of hope alive all this time, only to be met with percieved coldness and harshness when you see that person again, i see why you'd tense up, which explains why he always seemed somewhat uncomfortable in the house. and i also understand why he seemed to 'pester' youngjoon, bc he's either conciously or uncounciously defaulting back to the dynamic and level of friendliness they had before. for youngjoon, he easily ended a relationship he thought neither party was too interested in, only to still be contacted by that person and then have that person pester you in the house. like that seems like someone who is trying to get at an ex. for myeongkyun, this is all a much longer process of him coming to terms with the fact that yes, he was more invested in this relationship and yes, he maintained some level of feelings and hope they'd come back together, and seeing him having to face the fact that he was the only one thinking that and whatever he was holding on to never mattered... ngl i cried a bit. the fact is him and youngjoon just are different when it comes to dating, youngjoon is very hot from the go, but if he feels nothing in return he backs off with nothing lost, whereas myeongkyun takes a lot longer to develop, realise and then admit his feelings, and so you can easily see how these two people would misunderstand each other. and i also wanna say how interesting i find myeongkyun's presentation and journey on the show. he came in with this big impact both bc of him being presented as this handsome and confident guy and bc he had a history with youngjoon. together, its easy to jump to the conclusion that myeongkyun was the one who did something to youngjoon or was in the wrong, when that wasn't actually the case at all. it also makes me wonder what kind of myeongkyun we wouldve gotten if youngjoon wasnt also there. would we have gotten this confident hottie? bc i think, bc youngjoon was there and all of this history was brought up (history of a first relationship by the way!! no wonder it got to him so much), making him face it revealed a much softer and more sensitive side of him that mightve taken longer had this not all happened, which in a twisted way im glad of bc it means he can now get closer with other people, and im interested to see how he will shift now, if we'll be able to see this goofy side of him but a lot more carefree. anyway, all of this is to say i ended up liking myeongkyun more than i thought bc suprise suprise, people are a lot more complicated than they first appear. and honestly... i might like him more than youngjoon now, but dont tell me from 3 weeks ago that.

and now to the juicier stuff. this whole love triangle that is apparently turning square. i really dont know how to put my thoughts into words bc im somehow both sad and happy?? i guess i wanna say there's people im happy for and people im sad for. first of all im sad for hwi, but also really glad this conversation at the end of ep 10 was had. we've seen too many examples on this show of people not knowing how to give up on pursuing people, and even more examples of people that are poor at communicating where their interest lies and letting people down when its needed, so this made me happy. after how overwhelmed he was in earlier eps, im glad seongmin is feeling some clarity, even if i disagree but we'll get to that and i guess its his feelings that matter, and im glad he communicated clearly where he's at. but man did my heart break for hwi during that chat. there's that youthful passion and naivety to his feelings for seongmin that just feels horrid and cruel to squash, but also necessary, and i will very much second seongmin and seungjin's sentiment that he can date other people and should know that seongmin is not the only person in the world for him. in this season, it seems people have so quickly and easily found their one person they want to commit to and easily formed couples, but that doesnt mean they're right, nor does it mean that's the only person for them, and the show seems to be encouraging them away from this too. hwi was just so enamoured by seongmin, it feels like he found someone that he thought was absolutely perfect, and so letting go of that feels impossible. but for me too, i did love them together, it was so sweet and cute at the start, but things can and do change and when they do, we all need to realise it doesn't lessen anything that happened. for those couple of days, everything they felt was genuine and they were happy and that can still be remembered fondly while mourning the fact that you won't have that same happiness with that person again.

and i also wanna say im kind of sad for jaeseung. i said just that i was happy about this clarity seongmin has now, but for jaeseung, i feel sad that he just seems so on edge all the time, like how people can be on the edge of getting angry all the time, except for him it feels like he'll spiral into his worst thoughts at the simplest things. like when hwi would talk about jaeseung, yes he'd be mad and jealous, but until the end of this ep, it didn't feel that deep, like he'd joke about getting mad but i wouldn't feel that much tension. and yes while hwi did get more frustrated in these eps, for a lot longer jaeseung has been so tightly strung and will so easily get mad just when he sees hwi and seongmin together. and im like... yes ok get jealous whatever, but you can't actually get that mad when he's equally entitled to spend time with the person he likes and try to win him over. and if its bc he really does like seongmin that much then im sorry but i don't think jealously to that much of a level is sweet. you aren't a thing yet, so just take a minute and breathe bc at the end of the day, seongmin and hwi will feel and behave however you want and thats out of your hands. and i know on some level its bc he's jealous of the fact that hwi is able to express his feelings so openly and blatantly while jaesung cant, like that is what he always focuses his frustration on as if hwi doing that is bad when actually its just completely within his right and jaeseung is equally allowed to express his feelings. plus i hate to say it but i just dont feel seongmin and jaeseung's chemistry yet. if i see it later on then im more than happy to change my mind but their date was so bland and matter of fact, they don't share any interests, and since that date there's been nothing that's made me vibe with them as a couple. it feels convenient instead of something that started with feelings but hey, if genuine feelings do develop i will stand corrected, but all i say is just bc something seems like it should be right, doesnt mean it actually is.

and my final piece of happiness will of course be for seungjin bc as much as im sad about hwi losing seongmin... hwi and seungjin has so much potential to be the perfect friends to lovers to put bridgerton s3 to shame. i just think theyre fantastic together, they get on so easily and match each other's vibe so well and i'd be so happy if something developed, but i dont want to get too excited bc hwi has been so focused on seongmin that i don't know if or how his interests for others will develop now.

but all in all i liked these eps, ep 10 especially, and im very interested to see how this new love square will resolve (remember, polyamory exists too)

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[wienertit]

SUPER LONG ITAPAN RAMBLE INCOMING!!!!

OKAY. OKAY. its been a while since ive rambled on this account so today im going to clear up how i see itapan so that no one gets confused when i say “i dont think they would ever date” and then proceed to draw them making out or whatever.

when you hear “one sided itapan” you might think italy has the stronger feelings (because he’s the one approaching and hugging and kissing japan or whatever) but i feel that it’s actually japan with the stronger feelings.

when italy’s affectionate towards japan, its not because he’s necessarily attracted to him, but that’s just how he behaves. i think that he’s kind of trying to lead him on so japan is nicer to him. italy has been coddled his entire life like he’s been taken care of by austria and hungary and spain and france and germany and literally everyone loves him. and he KNOWS that everyone loves him so he purposefully babies himself to others so he can get even more special treatment. hes an annoying little asshole who uses his good looks and weakness to get out of trouble and i love it!!!

throughout the series (both in anime, manga, and a little in hetamyu), japan actually grows a bit of a soft spot for italy because of how weak and pathetic he makes himself seem. at first he’s polite and awkward because he idolized italy to be strong and capable, but once his expectations are SHATTERED he gradually begins to want to take care of him in a way. he doesn’t get mad at him as often and sometimes even defends him when germany is upset or lecturing him (like in hetalia fantasia). he tucks him in bed and lets him sleep on his chest and share a bed and bathe together and do the gayest shit ever. i probably would’ve thought “well thats because he’s too polite to refuse” but he ACTIVELY wants to do this stuff with him. he puts a hand on his back to keep him in place when he rests on his chest. he visits italy often and loves to cook with/for him. he wants to learn how to hug and kiss him back even after italy says its fine. he writes him letters and a SONG where he asks italy to visit him and gives him a pressed flower bookmark. japan goes out of his way to return italy’s affection and spend time with him while italy just does it because he’s italy.

i dont really think it’s a “sad” one-sided crush because in the end they’re still friends! they still both care about each other and confide in one another and hang out. italy isnt just affectionate to japan because he wants to lead him on and get more special treatment, but because they’re friends and he does still like him platonically! they can act like a couple without actually BEING one and thats insane!!! i love that shit!!!!!

ive mentioned how itager/gerita was my first hetalia ship and it still stands as one of my favorites. the problem is that im PICKY with it because i dont like a lot of the fandoms’ interpretations of them. i guess i wasnt as picky with itapan and liked it simultaneously with (although much more than) itager. but when i rewatched all of hetalia over the spring i realized how much MORE i liked itapan in the context of itager, which kind of blew my mind. like i remember mentioning to some itapan friends how i think they would never date and i still stand with that today. like italy and germany are too busy trying to win eachother over and they would just get together instead. japan actually likes his friends though and wants them to be happy so he would just go “ok” and move on while still doing all that gay shit with them. i guess jt makes itapan more of a brotp but it doesnt make it any less enjoyable for me. i LIKE to see them hanging out and being friends and dont really mind fanart where they’re dating or whatever because i can just pretend that they’re not!

anyways sorry for being a little insane i hate itapan but i actually love itapan okay i love them okay yahoo!

[girlboyzone]

ok ive finished :) and i do have thoughts. area unknown has been really special. its a rare bird in terms of minecraft content and theres just so many important stories being told there. the way it relates to the wider sunship canon or whatever its called is amazing, and the otehr ppls content like oli's dedicated grinding, moonzy's beautiful buildings or graaavel's awesome lore (HIS LORE VIDEO WAS SO GOOD. IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. THE MUSIC????? YEA), was all so amazing to witness.

BUT i do have some criticisms if you dont mind me sharing. none of it is with ill intent and i understand why the decisions that were made happened but i still think its worth pointing out.

im disappointed with how aimsey and scott's arc was left off, because i dont think it reached a satisfying conclusion at all and the loose threads they left didn't feel like a culmination of their relationship. aimsey and scott's conversations are some of my favourite parts of the lore because their relationship is so, SO interesting and really worth exploring. so ending it by saying "scott just got bored and went back to hell" was not a good move i feel. i really wanted to see something more there.

guqqie does touch on hera's influence when she discovers the grave but to be honest i dont understand why she was allowed to get married to aimsey and have a happy ending. hera has made a point of dooming them in every single universe and she just loves torturing her little experiment, and her influence has continued into season two with egging aimsey and oli on with the lab, so i really don't understand why guqqie was able to seperate herself from this and later get married when that has never been allowed before

i guess that everything was intentionally left pretty open ended so things could change in future, guqqie did say she'd write something up later this week which could give answers to what i mentioned above. and who knows, maybe in the years guqqie and aimsey were split hera could have been defeated in some way. maybe guqqie went back and confronted her or something idk. i would really like to see something like that though. and of course that open-endedness leaves room for aimsey and scott to do something which would also be great. but yeah those are my less great thoughts about the finale. but do not be fooled just because it wasnt absolutely perfect didnt mean i didnt enjoy it/think it was bad

FORTUNATELY it has given me a great window to start working on that au because i really want to develop scott and aimseys arc, explore aimsey's feelings as a demon and the horror that comes with that, and his relationship to hera because the one time they interacted always gives me chills. so i think the finale was flawed but thats ok because now i can go in and do awesome stuff with my own ideas for a bad ending. because i like hera cannot let the characters rest. ineed to be stopped hehehe

but yeah apart from that i did really enjoy the finale. it did feel like area unknown. the party, never have i ever, michela being hilarious and caitees being weird, and of course heartbreaking sunship lore. it genuinely gave me the same warm feeling as when i was watching through all those vods from 2022 when they were just messing around or screaming at each other in the rain. area unknown needed to end. no one seemed to want or have the time/inspiration/motivation to do stuff on it anymore, and the characters needed a conclusion and to be let go so they could just be in their own right. i'm glad that its done. it was really special. i cant wait to see what everyone does next :3

i agree heavily on the scott and aimsey topic, i wish we could’ve gotten more development of their relationship or seen scott in s2 bc there was a psrt of his house i think somewhere and then he was never mentioned again iirc, but they were probably both too busy or something to do anything which is ok i’ll just make it up in my head :3

and i hope there is a bit more of something w hera and auguqqies whole thing and how hera allowed ausunship to get married, or how all that went. i’m just really curious

anyways love u sneef thank u for liveasking to me this has been very fun :333 <3 im rlly glad u liked area unknown!!!!!!!

[enchantechante]

What do you do when you find out the guy you were with was only using you for money and sex(we only had sex once,I was a virgin)? Like it's crazy to even put me through that.We discussed our life together every single day and made plans.We were working on different goals together specifically investing,buying houses to rent out etc.Three years wasted to find out he's full of shit.

He ghosted me out of no where and claimed I was who he wanted to spend his life with.We spent a day together and everything was good.Next day I was at work when he called but I missed his call so I called back.He told he got a lot going on and he was going to call me back etc.I never heard from him again but he's on IG talking about how he started his own business ,business going well,he had nobody to help him etc and I'm like wtf are you talking about? I was there when he was broke as a joke and getting on his feet. I'm happy for him but I don't really care. Why chase me down to be with me for over a year just to play with me and disappear?

*whew* Good morning, Anon ⛅️

What would I do? Abandon him like he abandoned me.

What kinda person can be that close to you and then treat you like a stranger? What would it benefit me to "follow" someone like that?

imo this is entirely too soon to be inking investment contracts together so ive never been in this situation. even when i was in a position to do this romantically and financially - going into business and trusting even a loved one to move how you move w your money should be done in small steps if at all.

esp if all yall did was "talk". bc "working on our goals" sounds too broad here. What does that look like irl?

And Im curious: Was this your plan? To loose your virginity, know him for a few years, finally date a year, then sign up for joint investments?

If not, you have to ask yourself why you went along with it? It may be that you let your emotions and ambitions influence you to over-invest in something you had no real-life evidence would be a sure thing.

For ex: just bc when *you* met him he began becoming financially stable (and likely talks a great game) it doesn't translate to he'll be a committed/transparent business partner or even give credit where credit is due when others wouldnt know the difference.

There may have been more things you turned a blind eye to on the off chance things coulda worked out.

If so, recognize that even if it wasnt a successful plan in a way - your experiences prepared you to be a more confident future-you. Even though you may feel (and could have actually been, its hard to know) used for years - you stayed. Which means you were receiving something. Even if it wasnt a fair trade - subconsciously you green-lighted it by staying. So even if its a hard lesson to take - it is yours and it can hold great value for your future success.

I would block him on my socials.

Get out a sheet of paper and write down: what attracted you to him, when and where yall met, and what lessons you learned. It dossnt matter how long it takes. let your emotions settle and confess soberly. take ur time to make it thorough and accurate.

find a fire safe area

and burn it.

and as it burns away, so with it does your obligation to be the woman you had to be to sustain it/him.

walk free. be entangled no more.

with him specifically. or with any situation that would have you repeat those lessons.

[hand-painted-5tars]

hey, its the hottest spring, speudo-summer i might say. i am considering retaking journalling just because i have the hunch it would do wonders to my mind. drawing is too doing wonders to my mind, both simultaneously creating and allowing some information, ideas relief.

i am 24, writing to an old voice, from a website i barely touch but that craddled my dreams when i entered college. and now after eons im here, i do come here sometimes to just talk to you like this, but i do still come sometimes, the same way you pop on my mind sometimes, lighthearted, not always good, but always lovingly. so im here. 4:30pm still working hours but im on lunch break. i work home. extra time i waste because my organizing skills have always been bad and i heard it has a name and im not medicating propperly for it, but then again i never have and ive come this far. so once again, track lost and refound, im here. 24, sitting at home working, drenched in sweat because the weather is awful, but in front of me theres my keyboard, my screen and to my side its the box i set up yesterday, my first and very own CPU. its black, tall and the left side has a pannel that allows me to see the fans spin and the silver of the processors resistance. something i always wanted when i was a child. a real gamer cpu, bought with my own money, and something i wasnt expecting. assembled throught my own hands. i know i shouldnt celebrate departures but in this case i cant help but being way too happy. way too giddy. y' know the way my head just gets stuck on things and wont let go till a big dawn. i hadnt realized how much i was missing, (a pity my brain just wouldnt let go) being entirely obsessed with several groups and such. uh yeah. the posters are there and the albums are too, but i dont burn like i did, desperate to know what did the kpop boys i like this round do today. they seem to be busy, thats good but its as good as i care, i dfidnt realize until i left how in most cases it felt like it didnt quite fit.

now im back on games stuff, its like i should have come here before, you know i knew i would have enjoyed it, their approach, this peoples approach to art is much freer, much more experimental and interesting and i could cry on how well it feels, not just to see things i think about appreciated but finding people who seem to be on that same wavelength. not that i dont appreciate the time, not that i dont love dearly everyone the past around 8 years gave me. i am just simply overjoyed in what i find today. i guess in the end everythings a phase, beginning and end entirely important. how i enter and how i end, what i got in the process its whats really important. i feel youd get it. but more importantly, and the most importantly is that their approach to art reignited mine in a way i hadnt seen in years, that nothing, nothing ever came close to do in the past decade since after you passed. maybe bts came close, but that only solidifies a subject above that has to do with themes and experimentation of art. but back on track. many times last year and in the past few years i was considering jsut leaving art, wanted to rip it off me. wanted off so i wouldnt disappoint myself every single time i tried and tried and failed, knowing i could be normal if i let go something i was never gifted and pretending would just burn me all over. the whole process has been like trying desperately to bury a living thing and hoping it stops coming out. every feet of dirt i just kept disappointing me further, i kept wishing i could take it all lightly. i was so close to dropping it, entirely.and well the regret the regret of seeing how much does everyone around me with real art careers were improving so much while i was crunching code on websites, most time spent trying to tell myself i could make it without drawing, maybe that will ease me out on the paper. but it never did it never came easier, it became harder and harder, and most times i wanted off as if it never existed in first place. not that i didnt love it i simply convinced myself it would be pointless to put on an effort and be disappointed in the end by the lackluster results i end up giving. im sorry, no amount of eroding edges and softening remove how jagged my insides are, and sorry no amount of regret can turn back time and hone the skills for all the time i lost being afraid, thats always been my pitfall. im sorry i only wanted to make you a drawing to explain how much your art ever meant to me and i never got the guts to truly put you in paper. you have always been the most tender of souls and my lacking hand couldnt do justice. but i think im back now. what i mean is that im back to trying this for real, with the intention of breaking, the intention of what i desperately said i did but i never did. im breaking the bones and instead of burying it im ransacking the fucking grave i guess. it all starts the same place it ends. im back where i was in highschool when i decided my young naive self that i wanted to tell stories through art, obsessed with games and animated series, and you were there too, beautiful, so i thought, i should tell you, because i tell you everything.

and so im back where i started, so much time lost but no regrets i guess. sorry not for dropping the pencil but for the many many times i lied about it. you will have my worse because thats after all the most that could be given, stupid, and worrysome, and unable to stop making all the mistakes i didnt make when i was young and too busying trying to make a daughter my parents would be proud instead of whatever i am so theres so much to pick up. i am to be build from scratch, so much to do, so much rough, so much lack of skills, and so you will have me in all the mistakes and loose ends i left, the splinter in the wood from everything i tore apart and never propperly cleaned, but its all of me, and theres so much to clean here before we can propperly start anew. i will take care of it. anyway, i build a computer from scratch like i wished when i was 14 and i still have some tasks to do for work today, but after that im all yours so if youll have me.

[6loodlvstt]

Unfortunately I never heard of gul but I checked the plot and it’s interesting! I’ll definitely check it out when I have some free time. I don’t mind listening to summaries when I do other things. I enjoy to keep me busy reading/writing most of the time. Rn I’m trying to finish fear and hunger and I get angry every time I die lol. It’s so annoying but I love the vibes of that game. It was inspired by silent hill, berserk and amnesia. Sorry I info-dump a bit too much lol.

I’m glad you had a nice day! How was shopping? I also went out. Well I go out all days but I went to my fav bookstore and fetched a new book so I’m extra happy. And I love hades, I started it some weeks ago. Mythology is such an interesting world and I’m up for it.

I like to draw in my free time but it’s exhausting to work for game class projects. I can’t wait to finish off all this and focus on other projects. Piano is just a tool for be able to write lyrics in the future, or whatever I want. I get easily distracted when I play it but I’m confident that at some point my technique will improve.

The movie came out on February, from what I saw it wasn’t really popular but 100% recommended if you like 80s vibes. It’s an absurdist gothic horror..? Somewhere in the between. Heathers it’s a chef’s kiss. Probably one of my favs too. This reminded me of Little sister (2016), I seriously need watch it. It’s been on my watchlist since forever but I keep forgetting about it. I’m so forgetful.

Also sorry if I replied just now but at the end I decided to go to sleep at 3 am, my head was hurting -🩹

gul is super cool and not a lot of people actually know about it since it was basically lost media for a long long time

i dont sither! i normally play games while i listen yo things or while im working ill turn on some video essays and just listen to that while i work when music gets to be too much ^^

ough i heard fear and hunger was hard, rn im trying to beat dead space again and its not going well for me either lol

shopping was fine me and my mom just went and got groceries and that was it ^^ id love to go to a bookstore again theyre so fun to look around in

ive got like 300 hours in hades all together atp and its been a blast i love it very much and i could never get tired of it, plus greek mythologys always been a super big interest of mine! i love all of it so much and its so fascinating to learn

i used to draw a lot when i was in school since i always sucked at education, being dyslexic and autistic and having adhd really all just pilied and piled on to it so drawing was a giod escape and made me look like i was working on whatever they gave me, and if it wasnt on paper than id just play on my phone to pass the time, i also just used to read manga durong class if i couldnt be on my phone

violin and guitar and really. any. of the instruments i know how to play were for that reason to, i wanted to be a musician for a long long time till my grandmother decided to be a dick to me and i never played anything again :(

ooo it sounds interesting, i think when i have the time to sit and watch something ill check it out :D

its okay i just woke up and its like 11am rn

[xx-neon]

june 12th

hi 

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all. 

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha. 

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual. 

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice) 

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place. 

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance. 

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort. 

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol. 

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said 

“theres so much good to come” 

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay. 

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do. 

i just had to get my anger out. 

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out. 

[bubsub69]

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

[ramu-ego]

AHHH JEEZ A 2 DAYS LATE REPLY MY BAD, i def wouldve responded sooner but i suddenly got busy, missed camping in this little blog here 💔😭 (yes 2 days is a lot in my book LMAO)

when i saw sir nighteye, i looked at ego and i was like. Yea. Yea that’s a type alright LMFAOO.. IVE MEVER SEEN THE REST EXCEPT DAZAI BUT MAYBE THATS SIGN FOR ME TO OPEN MY TASTES A BIT MORE..

100% agree on the ego paragraph!!..!.!?! EVEN IF I WASNT THE BIGGEST FAN ITS SOO OBVS HE CARES.. one day imma see an ego appreciation paragraph analysis explaining every single detail abt what he did and i wouldnt be surprised if that post is from you LMFAO

god i’ve never heard nikko’s eng voice but i’m def not looking forward to it — i read the nikko post though, GOODD LOORDDD may of changed my perspective of nikko on ruining him but still, gotta stay loyal to my favs (a lie, i’m a whore and would jump around but niko just aint it for me LMFAO)

god yea, my timezones been like .. the direct opposite of most people so i wasn’t surprised to see ours be different, JUST CRAZY HOW KUCH OF A DIFFERENCE IT ACTUALLY WAS .. fuckk guess we can twin in being last to almost everything then huh? the only win i get is just having an asian timezone to be early to actual content LMFAO

i respect liking dubs!!!! i used to watch dubs for like, romance anime? toradora and shit when i was WAYYY younger!! HONESTLY I SEARCHED UP ALL UR RECS AND III THINKKK i may start with mob psycho first since it peaks my interests the most! but i’ll def check fire force since it’s one of ur favs, i’ll tell you what i think abt it when i actually DO start it (chronic procrastinator, i even procrastinated writing this message despite how much i wanted to chat LOL)

I HAVE REALLY BAD MEMORY SO IVE GOT NO IDEA WHICH GUY I WAS REFERRING TO.. curly hair??? black hair??? looked kinda dead inside??? I THINK IT MIGHTVE BEEN W GAGAMARU AND RAICHI.. his hair looked kinda like it hadn’t been washed in weeks ngl

IM HAPPY TO READ YOUR RESPONSES HONESTLY, SUPEPRRR FUN and it feels like im having a genuine one on one convo even if we are like — replying to it like letters or sum LMFAO, guess we going back to the past era for this! BEINNG A HAIRDRESSER FOR 5 YEARS IS SOO COOL?? you’re only 25 now so like — did you pick this job up early on??

i’ve never watched haikyuu but i could see a lot of people felt differently abt blue lock compared to haikyuu, blue lock kinda increases that competitive spirit that’s rare to find in that. team work stuff?

since i felt as if my replies were kinda ass this time, i got news! just watched blue lock episode 11 and good fucking lord this shit was good — yea i was worried about bad animation but shit POPPED OFF.. and rin itoshi :?/!.?.!?! i screamed creamed probably was thinkign with only my metaphorical dick from that point on because good lord i want this man HELP.. it’s been like a year or two(?) since i first saw rin itoshi in the manga but good lord when i saw him animated and even spoke, i felt sum ROARING DOWN THERE … (excuse my language i only think with my lower region!) this awakened sum in mme.. don’t be surprised once i start sending genuine requests and thirsts

since i even joked about this being like a literal letter, maybe i should start signing off like one!!!

from 💌 anon or something LMFAO

NO NO TWO DAYS IS NOTHING I CAN BE AWFUL AT RESPONDING-

-I am so bad at like focusing to respond so trust me no apology needed bc I'm chronically bad at looking at a message and then giving myself anxiety over it. It's something I'm working on 😂😭

Dazai is mildly the odd man out except for the dude with black 'n white hair they're kinda con losers together but I'd say the over arching theme is "they look like they bite...but not really" I have no sense of danger I want the weird looking men no one wants 😂 but no seriously all the fandoms they're from are really good highly recommend Dr Stone and Fire Force if you enjoy Blue Lock. They are *chefs kiss*

do you know how hard it is to keep my twitching fingers on my keyboard to not rant about Ego??? I could do it I could go on and on about this man but- asdfghjkl- I'm controlling myself! mostly bc i don't wanna share my weird husband shhh that's not the point shhh he's my ugly little greenbean

i blame my friend on the niko bullshit!! she went on about how perfectly he'd fit that pervy hentai protagonist who like- steals panties- and cries when he gets caught and all that bullshit?? now I can't unsee it?? he's so stealing panties and putting under his pillow to sleep with only to make up a loud sob story when he gets caught. He's a perv and now I can't unsee it and I hate it 😩

really you have the problem of conflicting timezones?? I'm genuinely surprised bc like- everyone I talk to is like bare minimum in Europe and further over as I sit my lonely self in the United States. Count your blessings bc at least you don't live in the States we're awful 😂 we can be opposite timezone buddies like long drawn out lovers from two forlorn families writing drawn out poetic letters to each other to be sent by snail mail as we try to survive the black plague! or you know...something like pen pals 😂

my peanut brain suffers with subbed I can't look at the animation and take in what they're saying T^T I did it with Jujutsu Kaisen when it came out and can honestly say I don't recall anything I watched bc I was reading subs. RIP this is why I have to read the mangas </3 Oh but Mob is so good!!! It's one of my favorites and my comfort animes I can't tell you how many times I've watched it?? I think like- seven times? Eight times? Easing your way into the list makes Mob Psycho a good starter. But no seriously I cannot stress it enough how much I love Fire Force. Plus cursed knowledge, English dubbed Ego is Fire Forces main character and he is a cinnamon roll of a good boy and a total 180 of Ego's character 😂 Equal parts blessed and cursed when you hear Ego being a good boy

a lot of them look dead inside but dying so hard at gagamaru being put in the dead eye category?? my wife is in love with him so now I'm dying over the dead eye thing 😂 tbh they're so many characters I still have to look back and know who's who

you will find out I can't keep my mouth shut so if you get me talking I will put in that much effort 😂 But actually sweet I'm not 25 I'm 27 (had to double check with my wife I lost track) So the five years of hairdressing isn't too out there but I did pick it up after two yrs of college when I dropped out bc US education system suuuucks. Love hair but covid made people entitled shitheads and didn't want to spend nine hours a day with jackasses to come home to a baby so I just swapped entitled costumers to an entitled baby XD

haikyuu is...cute. like- ok i dont really do slice of life animes and heavily dont do sports anime (haikyuu and blue lock are literally the only ones) but Haikyuu is definitely not the same as Blue Lock. They spend a lot of time explaining how the game works where as Blue Lock its kinda "you know how soccer works or sucks to be you" which I like bc the one thing I do get tired with haikyuu is the over explanation of things. It's a cute show though! I could only watch it once thru but its fun when you haven't watched it before

UGH IM SO WORRIED OVER WHO IS GONNA PLAY RIN I'VE BEEN CHEWING MY NAILS OVER IT- Their casting director has been so good so?? Like?? I know it'll be good but at the same time?? I'm still so worried?? I mean- They convinced me to love Ego even after knowing who his VA was (and what I watched him previously in was NOT anything like his Ego role) but still- Rin's my baby?? Rin's my little bratty temper tantrum baby i wanna smoosh?? He has to be perfect?? More so than anyone else?? Pleading with the casting gods Rin sounds good or I will sob 😭 And I'm like- Have no idea are they doing 12 episode season or a 24 episode season. I need answers T^T

pls send me Rin thirsts I can't shut the fuck up about him

[anotherhellchild]

📂? 🥰😃💞!

:DD 

Okay! Katsuki and Eri friendship / sibling relationship? Here we gooooooo!!

Everyone was super excited when it was announced that Eri would be coming to live on campus, class 1a was so hyped for the girl and it was all just very thrilling. Of course, it took a while for Eri to adjust and get acquainted with everyone and everything. It was all just a bit overwhelming and scary at first but now, Aizawa can easily say that the little girl has found her place in UA. She fits perfectly in their weird, chaotic family.

Not that Aizawa was expecting any less.

What nobody was expected though, was the way Eri became attached to a certain angry and explosive blond. 

Katsuki and Eri haven't known each other all that long. But they’ve somehow managed to get to the point where they’re basically siblings. People who don’t know them personally would actually probably not even think twice about it if you told them that that were the case. They’d take one look at the dynamic between the two plus their shared red eyes and light coloured hair and they’d be sold.

Anyway, whenever Eri and Katsuki meet, it’s somehow both mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time. Eri likes to follow Katsuki around and -by some miracle- Katsuki doesn’t seem to mind. It’s almost even as if… as if Katsuki likes it. They may not realize it, but the two definitely look up to each other. Eri watches Katsuki like he’s a shining star and Katsuki watches Eri with such a fond/ proud gaze. It’s mesmerizing.

And it’s terrifying because together, the two become an absolute menace. They bring each other's hellion sides out and you’d think that isn’t possible because Eri’s so sweet and Katsuki’s already a hellion, but no. Together, Katsuki and Eri could destroy the entire campus and laugh about it and there’s absolutely nothing anybody could do to stop them.

It’s horrifying.

The first time the two properly hung out, Eri came back to Aizawa with beautifully braided hair, a knife, slingshot, at least three holes in her clothes and a lot of dirt, just dirt. The pair’d been gone for five hours without telling anybody where they were and Aizawa swears to god he was prepared to straight up commit murder before they appeared, unharmed and totally safe. 

Ever since then, Katsuki and Eri need a responsible third person around if they want to hang out or go somewhere (Todoroki and Hawks are NOT allowed to be the third person btw).

In any case, Katsuki, Todoroki and Shinso happen to be the only ones in the dorms today. Katsuki and Todoroki are on house arrest because of Reasons (injuries/ overworking themselves. idk) and Shinso’s there because he’s already learned whatever Aizawa’s teaching the rest of the class in his extra lessons and Aizawa needed someone to babysit the other two. It’s around twelve o’clock when Eri enters the dorms, Mirio drops her off because he has Stuff he needs to do and the four of them end up alone.

Somewhere on campus, Aizawa feels this random shiver going down his spine.

Things start off pretty calm, the demon spawn kids make snacks, play games and have some intense rounds of hide and seek. Maybe a chair is almost broken and maybe they’re all just praying nobody ever sits on the damn thing again, but it’s fine. “Dun fucking worry bout it eyebags! We used super glue so we’re all good.” Nothing’s on fire and nobody’s hurt so they’re cool. 

They do decide it’ll be best to stop playing hide and seek after the small uhh… mishap with the chair though. After about five minutes of contemplating what to do next, Katsuki comes with the fabulous idea to create a mattress slide.

“What’s a mattress slide?” Eri asks whilst Todoroki gives Katsuki a confused look.

“Oh fuck. You guys seriously don’t know?” The blond's eyes are wide, though he’s honestly not that surprised. “Oh shit, okay. This is going to be fucking epic!” Katsuki’s face gains a manic grin. 

Shinso’s already regretting all his life choices.

The four of them set out on a mission. All twelve spare dormitories get broken into and every single mattress is gathered and placed somewhere on the boy’s side stairs. Katsuki dictates everyone around and Eri is the head of Placement because she can’t do any of the heavy lifting. Shinso, Todoroki and Katsuki’s mattresses get ripped off their beds too and in the end, their mattress slide starts at the top (fourth) floor and ends all the way down at ground level.

It’s pretty fucking impressive if you ask Katsuki. He used to do this all the time whenever his parents left for a while. Back then, he just had two mattresses to work with though. One (his parent’s) served as a buffer at the bottom of the stairs and the other (his) was to slide down. It was definitely not safe.

This is way better.

When all four kids stand proud and tall at the top of the stairs, it’s unanimous that Eri should be the first to go down.

“Go ahead Eri. We worked hard for this, you get the honour of going down first.” Shinso says.

The glint in the little girl's eyes immediately intensifies, smile wide and body buzzing with anticipation. Large red eyes look at the slightly unstable sight of crookedly layed mattresses and without announcement, little legs leap. Eri’s a giggling mess as she rolls down the magnificently created mess and the three teen boys do not hesitate to jump after her.

It’s safe to say that the following hour or so is a complete chaotic catastrophe. And maybe that’s because there isn’t a lot of architectural intelligence between the four of them, maybe it’s because of the multiple times a head banged against a wall, or perhaps the decision to play tag on the stairs wasn’t the best, but either way, they have a lot of fun.

Maybe, when Aizawa bursts in just as all four are sprawled out over and on top of eachother at the bottom of the stairs, laughing like kids should be laughing (in a way Aizawa’s never seen before), maybe that’s why the teacher decides to let this catastrophe slide (haha get it, slide) just this once.

[n7punk]

OK I WAS THINKING WDTFD TOO IT IS CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED AND ive literally been spending more time than necessary trying to figure out why, because I would argue it is one of your best and one of the most unique out there in general. You can ignore me if you want but I have a Theory (gonna mark myself with this emoji ⚡️ so you know it’s me)

this is... an absolutely fascinating theory XD i have no clue, to be honest, and always just put it down to 1) being a busy time of year (tho thematically appropriate) when maybe people weren't reading a lot of fic then so it never got that established, and 2) me going dark for a month afterwards while i worked on my novel, resulting in less content to bump me up in the ao3 tag (or on people's dashboards) that might make people check what i'd just done, or help them notice they missed a fic right before it (i have people comment on a new fic all the time being like "OH SHIT i missed the last one, time to binge!").

its interesting to get an outside perspective, because for me personally i notice jumps in interaction around a few fics (knifepoint for example) but i never really attributed a spike to BFM. i was really shocked when i recently saw beg for me was ranked 24th in hit count for she-ra fics (its worth noting that both slas and asdlm rank higher than it, but i also remember lots of engagement with both of those - especially asdlm, there was so much fanart). i dont remember a lot about what was going on when i was writing bfm, so i just assumed it... wasnt a lot XD but apparently it left an impression.

(actually, i did just remember i had anon off while writing BFM because i didnt want people getting Too Horny and crossing into creepy, and that probably had a big effect on the interaction i got and my perception of it)

as far as the smut thing... honestly, no clue, although you might be onto something with vampires being generally slutty (and rightfully so) and WDtFD being lore-focused. i feel like im reluctant to say fics without smut dont do as well, but i think that it might be true and i just dont want to acknowledge it XD i do think that, as far as rating goes, T and E do better than M because... if you dont want smut, you go T, and if you want it, you go E, you know? M is this middle ground i enjoy, but people tend not to be on middle ground with smut XD

i have no clue, but it was fun reading theories, and thank you for the enthusiasm for a fic i really love! to be honest i think if i wrote it a year before it might have been smuttier.... but the idea was also a year old and never had anything but that one scene in it, even if that scene was originally a bit more explicit, so idk. i do tend to go in cycles and whatever i did after beg for me needed to be smut-light because writing beg for me took a lot of time/energy XD see lotd following knifepoint, as well

i really loved crafting a lore fic, i had a whole outline where i tracked what had been hinted at and in what ways, what had been revealed so far, what i still needed to foreshadow/explain, etc, because there was so much stuff i wanted to imply and then reveal, and im realllllly happy with the finished product, so thank you for the love! <3

[yandere-daze]

HI OH MYG GOSH GOOD DAY DAZE!!!! its been awhile since ive last checked on tumblr KSJSN but im on the app rn and yes!! the character limit doesnt apply here sooo.. now that i can type in everything i wanted to say, i hope u dont mind me rambling for a bit!

first of all, tysm for answering the df ask!! ive taken in all of the newfound knowledge + the fact rhat. that. that they have sm potential now that im thinking about them again. they literally pop up in my head in the most random times????? me just minding my business doing hw and then suddenly theres a non-existent voice in my mind just chanting “double face partners in crime” over and over again LMAO

i really enjoy the thought of them having little competitions and a rivalry to win reader over except its just one-sided for kohaku 💀 madara patting him on the back like “sure bud lets do this!” with his signature mama aura. i can just imagine him being like (✿^‿^) and kohaku just giving him the most dead face ever in response while getting a body bag out IM SOBBING THEYRE SO SILLYJDJFHH

ALSO !!!!! STIPPLING !!!! BANGER SONG!! i agree kohaku sounds really good in it like,, his vocals are godly i love him so much </3 i listen to the song while studying a lot!! its really calming and genuinely one of my fav enstars songs huhu (+ i almost fell asleep to it and accidentally dropped my phone on my face AKJSJS)

anyways moving onto the next thing i wanted to talk abt, i recently started twst >:D i wasnt really that interested in it prior stumbling upon ur blog but i recently finished binging on ur enstars stuff and i wanted to read more of ur writing sooo.. i ended up checking ur twst works >_< i was actually p aware that u wrote abt it awhile back when u still had ur old layout but i only ended up checking them out now JSJDN eventually i fell into the rabbit hole of mentally-unwell-pretty-boys-who need-a-therapist and now im stuck and im not sure what i should feel abt it /lh

everytime lilia appears on screen all i can think of is why theres a war criminal here. enstars has a chokehold on me like the first thing i thought when i saw riddle was KASA????? THE HANAE NATSUKIFICATION OF TSUKASA SUOU???

but im enjoying the game so far!! i really wanted to punt ace to the moon at first but now he is my little meow meow. i will put him in a blender (affectionate)

other than that, i hope ur doing well!! make sure to rest up and drink lots of water. have a nice day! ^^

🍡 anon

HEYHEY! Great to hear from you again, 🍡 anon! So it looks like the mystery of anons breaking through the character limit has been solved? I don´t really understand why you´re able to type an unlimited amount in the app but you´re so restricted on desktop. It makes zero sense to me but at least we know now? I´ve almost always sent in asks through the tumblr app so I wasn´t even aware of a character limit until you told me jkflef

And you´re right, they really do have so much potential and I´m so happy you enjoyed my little rambles!! Lmao the grip they have on you is immense, run while you still can! This is only the first step for them to have you all to themselves!!1!

The one-sided rivalry, I´m crying💀 Kohaku is so serious about this too and Madara is just like "yeah you go kid, slay!" And him grabbing a body bag while they´re having this conversation took me out. Like that was just so casual I can´t snflsfbl No but literally I feel so giddy reading and responding to these asks but I always feel so formal because writing a lot makes me want to keep the correct grammar and stuff so i´m worried that i come over as...stiff or something which I definitely don´t want!😭 I´m just a silly little guy happily typing away on my keyboard!

STIPPLING YES! THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME; CHANGE MY MIND! Kohaku really does sound so lovely in this song, there´s a reason why I put this song in the highest tier when I was ranking all the enstars songs that one time! I even put it as the very first song even though I didn´t really rank them within the tier or anything like that. But the song deserved it <3

Also does anyone else feel like the song is really short when playing enstars music? Or is that just me? I know looking at the actual time of the mv that it´s a normal length of a song but I SWEAR it feels so short when I´m playing it. It´s over so quickly!

And omg you started twst? And you were interested because of my stories?? WAHHH I´m so flattered, really!😭😳 I´m always so giddy whenever someone says that I managed to drag them into one of the two fandoms like...good! *rubs my grubby little hands together as my evil masterplan comes to fruition*

Mentally ill pretty boys is definitely a shared concept between the both games jflsjnlf i hope you´re enjoying your time so far though!

Lilia truly is a war criminal, it´s true! Also funny that you´re saying this about Tsukasa, I actually had the reverse thing kind of happen to me. As you can probably tell from both my old and my new profile pic ( and also my old header picture sfl) I really like Riddle! And I started playing twst before I got introduced to enstars by a friend so when I looked at Tsukasa I definitely went "omg he kind of looks like riddle. YOu guys have the same hair!!". It´s no surprise that both of them have me in a choke-hold now. Do I have a thing for redheads? Maybe so skfslbf

I relate so hard to that Ace thing tho. Like the first time you meet him in the prologue and he mocks you for not knowing the great seven and everything I wanted to punch him! And I mean he kind of still is an asshole but now he´s *our* asshole, you know? He´s definitely grown on me as the story went on!

Man I feel like I´ve written such a long response, I´m sorry jnlf

Also new drinking game : take a shot every time I write "definitely" because I´m noticing a certain tendency here

( Please don´t do this actually )

[ablackfangirlwrites]

Hi, I hope you're doing well!

Wanted to ask a levi x reader where they are pregnant of him but too scared to tell him bcz he's a busy man and it's sometimes hard for him to have proper dates or just see reader. So imagine with a child *awkward laugh*. Y/N runs away without news to settle elsewhere (knowing reader is just a citizen).

It's years after that he find a lost child and help them finding their parent... F how will he react and what will he think?

You're totally free to ignore this request! - kinda weird btw.

Thanks! ^o^

Um first this is a great ask its like the perfect mix of hurt and a little comfort and alayah loves that ish especially with Levi yes I referred to myself in 3rd person

Anyways I had fun writing this one enjoy 😘

When you found out you were going to have a child there was you felt a mixture of both happiness and dread

Happy because it was a new life, a new beginning and it was going to be a new addition to your family

Dread because the world was curel

The threat of titans still was there

And most days it always felt like no one was guaranteed tomorrow

And there was one other problem too

Levi Ackerman

He was no doubt the father of your unborn child

He was the only person you had ever been with and the only man you ever loved

Yet that didnt mean he woulf be happy about the new addition to your family

He was still captain levi

He already barely had enough time for

Between you going a expedition and all his other duties as captain

It was rare that the two of you saw each other more than twice a week

And did he even want a child?

You asked him about it a few days later when you saw him

When you brought it up Levi seemed to go quiet not really answering your question, "I like how we are now."

You took that as a sign as he didnt want a child

He knew all too well how cruel the world was, why would he want to bring anyone else in it

So with a heavy heart you decided to take yourself out of his life he would be better without you and a child he would barely see and probably didnt want

6 years had passed

And everyday Levi missed you immensely

You just disappeared one day you were in his life

And the next you were gone with no explanation

What happened to you he wondered did he do something? And you got tired of him? Did someone else do something?

He searched for you, he searched everywhere but you wouldn't turn up anywhere

It was like you died

But levi refused to believe it even though everyone else suggested it

Against all logic he hoped that you were okay and living somewhere and he would see you again

It was one day when Levi was in the marketing looking around when he saw a familiar face

"Y/n." He all but whispered

But when he looked back it wasnt you

It was just a little girl....but she looked like you so much

Levi shook his head thinking his mind is playing games with him

But he looked back at the child

That's when he noticed she was crying

The usual part of him told him to go about his day

But something kept nagging at him to go see

"Oi, why are you crying?" He bent down asking her

She sniffed, "I lost my mommie."

Levi couldn't put his finger on it but something about her felt familiar

"My name is Levi, Im captain of the scouts whats yours?"

She looked up at him, "(childs name)"

"Why don't I help you find her." He answersd smiling

He didnt know why he was helping this random kid

But he felt like this was the right thing

The girl nodded taking his hand and the two wondered around looking

"Where was she last when you were with her?"

The girl shook her head, "I donno."

He groaned to himself maybe he shouldn't have offered to help

Time kept passing by and it was going into the afternoon

Although the girl was crying when he first met her

She was mostly smiles now

It was easy entertaining her and levi couldnt help but noice her smile and laughed just remind him of you

And he couldn't help but think if the two of you had a child would they be like her?

Which only made him miss you more

He missed you so much

Sudden the girl snatched her hand away from his

"(Childs name)!" He called out

But then he heard her yell "mommy!"

His heart felt as ease but soon as he said her mother it all but stopped

He saw you reach for grabbing her for deal life

"Where did you? Ive been looking everywhere for you!" You all but cried holding her

Levi was stuck

It was you

The love of his life

You were alive

He saw you look up when she was pointing at him

No doubt telling you how he helped find you

Wait you had a kid? C/n was your daughter?

You froze when you looked at him

Neither of you moved to each other

It wasnt until your daughter pulled you towards him

That you realized what was going on

"Y/n." Levi said your name

"Mommy this is the capt'n"

"Levi..." you whispered

"You know him mommy?" She asked looking between you both

"Where have you been?" Was all Levi could ask

"I've- I had too."

"You had to what?"

"Mommy you now him?" C/n said making the both of you remember she was there

"You had a kid.."

"Was it someone else? Why did you leave? Was it becau-" levi asked he was trying to make sense of what was happening

"Shes yours." You cut him off, "I left because of her. You would have never-"

"You were pregnant? Why would you leave?"

"Levi, you know why." You told him simply

He went quiet

Because he did, he understood

"But still...you could have told me. I would have wanted to be in your lives."

"What are you two talking about?" C/n spoke up again

Levi bent down to her level and he saw it

What looked so familiar before

She had his eyes

He put his hand on her face, "Can I be apart of it now?" He asked looking up at you

"Both of yours?"