#ive also moved like a week or two ago and is still getting my stuff in place like shits been happening in my life for some time that made

[kenjo-arts]

Oh would you look at that! It's monday! Is this still a thing?

🥚💚 <3

C!DREAM EGGS MONDAY!!!! but lil blob!

[musical-0wl]

/ (if you know me in person, read at your own risk)

[ilovewomenfr]

just take your shit and go

click before reading

ex!abby, bottom!reader

men dni!!!! NSFW

cw: pretty vanilla, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving), praise kink, make up sex, idk what else

a/n: yall i thought i would be done this on tuesday. ive been so busy this week w work and life ive barely had time to write. this one’s a bit short but i had to get this idea down. i might improve it some time in the future. not proofreading and i kind of dont like it but thats ok. also requests are open as always. AND THANK YOU FOR SM SUPPORT ON YOU ARE SUCH A NERD! I GENUINELY WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. xx.

you and your ex broke up two weeks ago, a huge fight blew up between the two of you which is why abby is at the door of your apartment, backpack slung over her shoulder, to collect the rest of her things. when you answer the door, you see abby’s gaze rake over your body.

“seriously abs?” you scoff at her, looking down at your abby’s baggy t-shirt, “do i get my shirt back?” she asks as she rolls her eyes at you, gesturing to the band tee. “oh. uh. yeah. i guess” you respond in a quiet tone.

“do you want a drink or something?” you offer and abby shakes her head, her blonde braid moving along with. the braid she would only take out at home when she was with you. the braid you used to tug on when she was drunk off your pussy to see her half-lidded blue eyes. you lick your bottom lip at the thought before shaking it away.

“are you gonna let me come in?” abby asks in a slightly annoyed tone. you get out of the doorway and allow her to come into the apartment. “most of your stuff is on the couch,” you mumble as you point over to the piles of things you threw onto the couch in a blind rage the night she left.

“aw how sweet of you to put everything on the couch for me.” abby says sarcastically, resulting in an eye roll from you. “just take your shit and go.” you grab a couple boxes and put them on the coffee table. you watch as she starts packing away her clothes into the boxes, standing awkwardly. “so this is it then?” you ask,

“what do you mean?”

“all it took was a fight.”

abby walks over to you, crossing her arms and resting her weight on her hip, “you were the one who told me to get out and never talk to you again, if i remember correctly.”

“because i was mad. i didnt actually expect you to go.” you look up to her eyes, trying to find any trace of resentment, but you find none. instead you still find love, “why are you looking at me like that?” she puts her hands on your waist, instinctively your own arms wrap around her neck. “im not looking at you like anything.”

“you are.” you play with her braid, “you’re looking at me like you still care.” she leans in and kisses you, catching you by surprise. the kiss is full of longing and desire. the way she holds you makes you feel as though a fire is stirring within you. she pulls away and sighs, walking back to the couch and sitting down.

“youre so confusing. i mean you tell me to go then dont want me to go? then you dont even text me for two weeks and when you finally do its because you want my stuff out of the apartment.” you nod, knowing you’re in the wrong here. “but i still care about you y/n.” abby leans back on the couch, practically beckoning you to come and sit on her lap.

you make your way over to the couch, sitting in silence as the both of you look at each other, tension growing in the air. “im sorry. i shouldn’t have told you to go.” you apologize, breaking the silence. “i shouldn’t have left.” her voice is softer than before, her hand find its way to your knee and her thumb brushes soothingly along your skin. the apology hangs over the two of you, and once again your eyes meet. abby’s eyes have a look of desire in them, one you know all too well. that’s all it takes for you to climb over and straddle her.

her hands find your hips immediately, “i’ve missed you, ya know.” you say gently, “prove it.” your hands hold her face and you kiss her again, sensually and slowly. abby’s hands run up your back to your hair trying to deepen the kiss. you part you lips and your tongue meets hers. you almost moan at the familiar taste, but you pull away instead, “does that prove it?” she lowers you onto the couch so you’re below her, “haven’t proved it quite yet.” she murmurs as she captures your lips once more. her hands slide up under your shirt as your tongues dance together, palming and squeezing your breasts, the simple action resulting in arousal shooting down to your core. she captures your moans with her mouth, before planting kisses down your neck, suckling the sweet skin.

moments later both your clothes are on the floor as abby kisses your inner thighs, “abs please” you beg, “i need you.” she looks up at you, “mm look at you begging for me, so needy, huh?” she goes back to sucking and kissing your thighs and you push her head towards your soaked pussy, “abbyyyy please.” you beg, “hm? what do you need pretty girl? need me to eat your pussy?” she nudges your clit with her nose eliciting a needy whine from you. “fuck, just eat me out already! please!” your begs are desperate now, your aching cunt waiting for attention. she pulls your legs over her shoulders and laps your slick, the sensation drawing a shiver from you. your hands clutch her hair as she begins sucking your clit, “fuck abby yeah” the moan is involuntary and in response you feel the vibration of her own.

youre a complete mess under her by the time the knot in your stomach snaps, your release dripping out of you pussy and onto your thighs. abby just keeps going, lewd sounds leaving you and echoing around your living room. she slips her fingers into you and curls them, your back arches as she repeatedly hits your g-spot, “so fuckin pretty when you’re falling apart baby” she murmurs softly. she uses her thumb on your clit and it’s like you’re on top of the world, your cries are becoming pornographic at this point and it’s just egging her on, “yeah, you like my fingers filling you dont you?” she nips your hip, “mmhh yeahhh. fuck baby ‘m gonna cum!” she keeps hitting your g-spot and the pressure building up inside of you reaches its peak, you feel your legs shaking as you cum on her fingers, “youre doing so good for me baby.” she lets you ride out your high on her before sliding her fingers out, “fuck i missed you so much abby” you say, she kisses you, “i missed you too”

tags: @jamiesturniolo

[hannieween]

stargazing | city lights series | h.js

Joshua should've known the minute he saw you standing outside his door for the first time. Then, maybe he would've gotten the opportunity to make things right with you. But no, he let his hedonistic ways get in the way first. Now, will he get the opportunity to make things right with you?

✮ pairings: joshua hong x female reader ✮ genre: angst, fluff, smut (18+) ✮ aus: rock singer joshua, neighbours with benefits ✮ word count: 17k

↣ part i – part ii – part iii – part iv – navi post – other fics

₊🎧: guilty - taemin ♡︎ | dumb - i.m ♡︎ | say you love me - kai ♡︎ | accident - woodz ♡︎ ₊ nsfw warnings under the cut!!

✮ warnings: smut with plot, dom joshua, sub reader, big dick joshua, thigh grinding while joshua is on the phone [i love that cliché let me be], fingering (f), multiple unprotected sex scenes, exhibitionism: being heard by others during sex, brat taming: spanking and a bit of edging, oral sex (f), cowgirl, creampies [yes, plural], pet names: pretty, baby, bunny, sweetheart, princess (hers) this is loosely proofread

part v

Joshua couldn't believe his ears.

He sat there frozen, phone still pressed to his ear. The line had gone dead a minute ago, Jihoon who was on the other side hung up after getting a barely coherent response from Joshua.

He blinked himself back to reality.

Apparently, someone had scouted them from the rock festival a week ago and were in talks with his manager. So Joshua had just learned that Midnight Haze had been picked up to open for a huge band a weekend straight.

Jihoon had called him to confirm the news, and to tell him to get his shit in order to travel overseas.

"Are you alright, bro?" he heard a voice in the distance.

Seokmin was standing in the kitchen, looking out to the living room as he munched on a pop tart.

"Yeah," he breathed, finally getting off the phone. "I'm just shocked, that's it."

"What happened?" his roommate asked slowly, approaching the couch.

"I'm... leaving in a few days," Joshua frowned, the news sinking in. "For a couple of shows."

Seokmin arched his eyebrows in surprise. "Dude, that's awesome!" the younger man slapped his shoulder and squeezed it. "Congrats!"

"Thanks, man," Joshua sighed. "I'm still processing it."

"I can see," Seokmin chuckled lightly.

Joshua checked his phone absentmindedly, he tapped on the conversation he had with you to check if you had read it yet. His knee had started bouncing nervously when he saw he had no reply from you yet. 

Are you pushing him away again?

He got up from the couch and without a word to his roommate he left the apartment and walked straight to the fire exit and went up the stairs.

The rooftop was deserted, as he should've expected. There he stood, breathless and feeling stupid. He was working on his self-deprecating thoughts, but he couldn't help but feel a little dumb as he stepped into the large open space.

It was a special spot, Joshua felt like it was becoming more his thing than yours—given that he rarely saw you in there anymore. So he picked his phone again, and didn't let the several flights of stairs go to waste.

He called his mom, let her know the news. They talked for about an hour, the conversation had moved from the news and turned into a conversation about his life. His mom asked him normal stuff—how he's been, what he's been doing, if he's taking care.

When it was time to hang up, he returned to his apartment with a content smile on his face.

"What are you doing tonight?" his roommate asked, eyeing him cautiously. He'd been doing that the last few days, Joshua didn't know the reason why.

"Uuh, tonight. Tuesday. Nothing, dunno yet. Why?" Joshua sat down on the couch again with a tired sigh. Going up to the rooftop was an incredibly effective exercise.

"Are you interested in going to the aquarium?"

"Aquarium?" he parroted, his attention drawn from his phone. "Uh, yeah. Okay."

"Yeah, I got two tickets for an aquarium night but it turns out that my girl also bought two tickets for another night. So, sharing is caring right?" his roommate smiled sweetly at the brief mention of his girlfriend.

"Oh, oh. I get it," Joshua laughed awkwardly. "Thanks, man."

"So maybe you can take our neighbor for a nice date," he muttered with a cough.

"What?" Joshua choked, eyes widened.

"I know you've been... seeing her. Right?" Seokmin muttered shyly, the tips of his ears glowing brightly red.

"How do you know? Do you even know her?" Joshua asked slowly, not denying anything.

"We've met once. But that's not the point—every time she gets home it's like she whistled and you went running to her," he frowned.

"Did you just compare me to a trained dog, Dk?" Joshua laughed.

"It sounded better in my head. But not only that, I've heard you guys. You're not exactly quiet, and—I mean, how many Joshuas could there be in this city?" Seokmin blinked and looked upward, clearly ashamed of himself.

Joshua scoffed hard. "Sorry about that."

Though he was obviously not sorry.

"Please accept the entrances," Seokmin muttered meekly.

Joshua thought about it for half a minute. "Yeah, okay."

Seokmin exhaled. "I'll send you the link."

"Thanks Dk," Joshua smiled.

"So are you two... dating?" Seokmin asked, a small smile creeping in his face.

"Nope," Joshua replied dryly. "We're just friends."

Seokmin exhaled, leaning back on the sofa. "Wow, okay."

"What?" Joshua frowned.

"It's going to be a little awkward if you're not dating," Seokmin frowned.

Joshua was just about to inquire something back at his roommate when his phone buzzed in his hand.

[16:12 PM] bunny: Can you come over? [16:12 PM] bunny: I'm free now [16:12 PM] bunny: Just let yourself in   [16:12 PM] joshua: omw

He stood from the couch immediately and walked over to the door.

"See?" Seokmin clicked his tongue and sighed. "Just like a whistle."

"Thank you for the tickets, man!" Joshua said quickly as he got out of the apartment.

Joshua opened your apartment door confidently, kicking his shoes off as he closed the door. He already suspected he'd find you in your study, and you were just taking your headphones off and turning in your chair when he walked in.

The room was a great example of the great personality you had: walls covered with bookcases, which housed a lot of your paraphernalia, toys, photos, awards.

It was strange not to see copies of your books with your pen name. Something he meant to inquire about to you later.

"Hi bunny," he muttered warmly.

"Hi there," you stood from your armchair and he was almost taken by surprise when your arms wrapped around his shoulders, dragging him into a needy kiss.

Joshua chuckled in your lips. "Are you horny, princess?"

"Shut up," you sighed, pressing your puffy lips on his again, and again.

Another chuckle was muffled by your mouth, he found it amusing— the times when you were being so needy that you couldn't even talk. You zipped down his hoodie and practically yanked it down his arms.

"Sit," you muttered, Joshua looked at you confused until you pushed him back on the small couch behind him.

Joshua obediently sat on the couch, between your small army of squishmallows which you pushed to the sides as you sat on top of him, straddling him sloppily.

You clashed your mouth with his, kissing him hungrily, your hands grabbing him by his shoulders.

"Shit, baby," he muttered. "Slow down."

"I'm sorry—I just need you so much," you mumbled sheepishly as you leaned down and pressed your wet lips on his.

Joshua groaned, his hands grabbed you by the waist, rendered utterly speechless when your lips reached his neck.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? I texted you hours ago," the words escaped his mouth before he could even stop himself and think.

"Was busy," you groaned nervously.

"Baby, slow down," he insisted when your hands slid underneath his white tank top, his skin prickling at the touch of your cold hands.

He grabbed you by the waist firmly, pulling you back without forcing you out of his lap.

"I have something to tell you," he muttered.

Your eyes widened, searching his face anxiously. "What, what's wrong?"

Joshua paused to read your face. "We've been chosen to open for a band this weekend," he could not avoid the smile that crept on his face in pure excitement.

"Oh my god? That's great!" you squealed, almost bouncing on his lap. "When?"

"I'm leaving on Thursday. My flight is scheduled really early in the morning," Joshua replied, his hands anxiously moved to your back.

"Leaving?" your smile faltered slightly. "Oh, I see."

Joshua's eyes were still trained on your features. "What, are you sad I'm leaving?"

"A bit," you said, looking deflated. 

"I'll be back in no time, baby," he muttered with an amused smile. "Or I can take you with me if you want."

You looked startled, and something within him told him he crossed a line.

"Oh, uh. I, uh, 'm not ready and I have so much work to get done before the book release and," you sighed. "Maybe it's best for me to stay? But thank you for offering."

Joshua rolled his eyes. "Baby, I'm joking," he smiled with ease.

You blinked in surprise and slapped his shoulder. "I hate when you do that."

"Do what?" he chuckled.

"When you play jokes on me," you muttered shyly. "I don't know when to believe you."

Well, that makes two of us. His internal voice sulked.

"Sorry, it's fun to see the faces you make," he replied instead.

"Yeah, yeah," you stuck out your tongue to him, which made him smile again. "Well, tell me more about this band you're opening for."

Joshua had his hands still firmly parked on your waist. You looked especially good that day. He didn't know exactly what it was because you were wearing something he's seen on you before, did you get something done on your hair? No, it looks the same.

So what was it?

"It's a huge band, like legendary big," he looked perplexed again. "I don't even know how they picked us. But it turns out that their original openers were canceled for some reason and we were their first choice."

As he spoke, he could notice your eyes wander. To his hair, then to his eyes, you seemed to like his piercings, since you toyed with them absentmindedly as you heard him. He smiled softly when your fingers reached the piercings on the shell of his ear. Like a cat seeing something flashy.

"Apparently if we take a liking to the crowds, we can get picked up for a label and that would also be huge for us," he told you, his eyes trained on your face.

"Oh? That sounds like a good opportunity. Great, actually," you replied, your eyes big in wonder.

"Yeah, it would mean a lot for us. I'm really excited for this," he muttered, your eyes were now in his throat. You did this a lot too, you seemed to like his throat, and he knew why: there was a big hickey below his Adam's apple.

Oh god, the look on his mother's face when she saw it. There was no comment made about it, but there was an obvious dislike about it.

Joshua, in fact, had never let anyone mark his body, even so much as to leave a scratch on him, he didn't allow it. But everyday when he caught a glimpse in the mirror of the lovebites you made on his body, he would remember you.

The hickeys you made in his skin were now fading, they looked like light brownish spots scattered on his neck and chest.

"I'm happy for you, Joshua," you told him with a small smile.

"Yeah, baby?" he purred and he could feel your legs tense up on his lap when he called you that.

"Yeah," you breathed sweetly.

"How happy are you?" he smiled, noticing that you weren't listening anymore.

"So happy," you whispered idly now, leaning forward to capture his lips with your own.

The kiss was brief but soft, your lips were the softer he's ever kissed, and he couldn't get enough of the softness. Joshua released your wrists and your hands instantly slid up his abdomen, a shudder ran down his body when your hands reached his chest and you were taking his tank top off.

"So, so happy," you muttered again dazedly. You landed a few kisses on his lips and then your attention was drawn to his neck, where you started placing open mouthed kisses.

A low laugh resounded in Joshua's chest. "You're not sad I'm leaving?"

"Yes I am," you replied, again, almost in a daze.

"You're sad you won't be fucked this weekend, bunny?" he dared ask, feeling like he was crossing multiple lines.

"What?" you blurted, seemingly snapping you out from your trance. "Joshua!"

He chuckled when he heard your high pitched voice reprimand him. "Answer the question."

"No, Joshua! I will miss you," you replied with a nervous tinge in your voice.

"Why?" he bit his lip.

Lately, he had been crossing the line of being just your fuckbuddy. And he knew that. But something troubled him and every time he tried to press about it, you'd get nervous and brush him off.

"You-you're my friend, you-," you frowned, stopping suddenly and slapped his shoulder harder this time. "Stop playing games, Joshua Hong!"

The tone your voice acquired whenever you chastised him was amusing to him, he even threw his head back a bit as he laughed at your reaction.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop," he said finally. "I'll miss you too, bunny."

You rolled your eyes at him. "Yeah, right."

He didn't get a chance to respond, your lips were on his when he tried to say some quippy response.

He meant it though—although he wasn't sure what exactly he would miss. It was only a weekend.

His fingers found the hem of your t-shirt and yanked it off your body, his train of thought fading to the back of his mind when he realized you weren't wearing a bra.

"Can I mark you again?" you asked eagerly after his hands started cupping your breasts.

"Yeah, go ahead," he replied, not really caring that his skin was healing from the other darkened spots.

You sighed softly in his neck when his fingers toyed with your nipples. "Fuck," you breathed and pressed your hips against his.

"You're swearing more often," he pointed with a smile.

"Sorry," you mumbled back shyly, kissing the spot below his ear.

"Fuck," he tensed up when you sucked his skin on the sensitive area. "Don't worry," he giggled softly.

"Maybe I need to stop hanging out with you," you mumbled jokingly, he could even feel you smiling on the crook of his neck where you landed another love bite.

"Mmm yeah, maybe," he replied aloofly.

"Would you like that, Joshua?" you asked and for a moment he liked that you were asking that question with the same intonation he uses when he asks you things while fucking you.

And to think you almost call him 'baby' too.

"No," he replied shortly. "I wouldn't."

Your lips reached his collarbones and he muttered more cuss words.

"You're so sensitive," you teased against his skin with a tinge of fondness in your tone.

Joshua couldn't make a reply again, feeling like it was self explanatory: his body liked you. Everything you did to him felt a million times better than anything ever did before.

You pressed your core down on his hardening cock and he groaned louder.

"Do you want me to take my pants off?" you asked sheepishly, batting your eyelashes at him.

"Fuck, yes, please," he muttered with a sigh.

You said nothing about him completely forgetting to dom you, instead, you smiled sweetly at him and stood from his lap. Your fingers played with the band of your sweatpants and when you stepped out of them, his mouth parted a little.

Joshua loved how confident you had become. When he first met you and slept with you, your body language was down right timid, which was totally okay to him, he also found it cute. He found it cute to see your fingers would tremble and the stutter was a bit more prominent. But now, you were more playful with him, even flirty sometimes.

"I like that on you, baby," he muttered when all you wore was a pretty lace thong. "Did you wear it for me?"

"Yeah," you replied coyly. 

Joshua swallowed thickly. "Can you show me?"

You silently nodded and slowly turned around to show him. He smiled through a soft sigh when you displayed your nearly naked body to him.

Then, much to his disgrace, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Ignore it," he mumbled. "It's probably Jihoon again."

"What if it's important?" you asked.

"You're right," he replied and fished his phone out of his pocket. "What is it, now?" he growled into his phone when he picked up Jihoon's call.

"Damn, why are you pissy again?" Jihoon said. "I'm calling you to tell you something about the setlist and dynamics because I think we need to rehearse more," he began.

"Can't this wait?" Joshua groaned and threw his head back on the couch.

"This is important," he pressed. "We only have a few days to prepare. Then, who knows what we'll be able to do."

Joshua closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Be quick."

Jihoon started rambling. That was all Joshua could hear, essentially. Just babbling about stage dynamics, setlist order, specific details about lyrics, everything.

Something soft landed on his bare thigh and he opened his eyes to find you rolling his shorts up uncovering his thigh. Then you pressed a knee in the couch beside him and then you sat your pretty, wet pussy on his thigh and your hips started swaying back and forth.

At least you could have some fun through this, he thought.

He felt torn between Jihoon's voice telling him important things about the upcoming weekend's two-night concerts and you riding his thigh. His eyes landed on your forgotten thong lying on the floor and he smiled.

"Are you there? I'm telling you something important," Jihoon reprimanded, getting annoyed.

"I'm here," he replied flatly. His hand slid on your hip to press down on you, indicating that you could go harder on his thigh. Your eyes found him, you looked flustered and hot.

Your eyes widened, your pouty lips and your brow slightly furrowed as you continued riding his thigh.

He moved his hands from your hip and gently teased one of your nipples with his thumb and pointer finger. You bit your lower lip and pressed your pussy harder on the tensed muscles of his strong thigh. 

"Are you paying attention?" Jihoon demanded. "I'm thinking of changing Dawn to be the closing song."

"Mmm, no. I think it's best if we end with a bang, don't you think?" Joshua replied expertly, not caring that he barely heard what his bandmate was saying before that.

"Yeah, you're right. We're playing for a bigger crowd and opening for a heavier band. So maybe we should include more of our old songs, since those are a bit heavier."

"Yeah, yeah. Sounds great," Joshua muttered. His eyes trained on you, a few strands of your hair had stuck on your wet lips and when you exhaled softly, they fell at the side of your face.

"And what about our new songs?"

Your hands were anchored in his shoulders, fingers digging on his skin so hard it hurt him a bit.

But he didn't care, he knew you were close because you started to sway your hips harder and with a certain rhythm, not exactly fast but your mouth was parting the same way it always does when you're almost there.

"What about them?" he replied, trying not to hang up at that minute and help you out.

His thumb started to rub one of your nipples, making your hips stutter in their sway a little and you started twitching on his lap, coming on just grinding against him.

His big eyes lifted to yours, a pleased smile drawing on his face as he watched you come. 

"When should he play them?" Jihoon asked with an obvious tone.

"They should be the first songs of our set," Joshua replied flatly, seeing you come silently on his leg until your hips stopped swaying.

His hand grabbed you by your hip, motioning to move a little and you stilled on his lap, pulling back so that you weren't sitting on his lap.

Then a moan escaped you when he slipped his fingers inside your wet cunt.

"What was that?" his bandmate asked slowly.

"What are you talking about?" Joshua asked back, feigning innocence with mastery.

"I thought I heard—whatever, I'm going crazy," he sighed.

"You and me both, man," Joshua said through a breath, although it was evident to him that they weren't talking about the same thing.

You started riding his fingers and he knew you were enjoying being heard because you started moaning more frequently, small groans fell from your soft lips, your eyes fluttering close when he started palming your clit as you rode two of his fingers.

"So, that would be the setlist. We need to rehearse man, a lot," his bandmate told him reproachfully. "

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry, Jihoon," he muttered absentmindedly.

"Now, about the transportation of our things."

Joshua groaned out of frustration and you smiled at him. He looked so cute to you, his pouty lips and furrowed brow. Joshua decided he was going to spice things up a bit, so he introduced a third finger.

"Oh god," you muttered and his palm pressed harder on your clit. "Fuck, that's good."

Jihoon was discussing details about the transportation of their instruments. The tour production of the band they were opening to actually provided them with the sound equipment so he wasn't too worried he had to rent something. So he didn't listen to what his bandmate was saying.

Because you started moaning again, your face telling on your second orgasm. You were determined to make yourself cum again, the movement of your hips changed and you were practically pressing on his hand so hard it started to go numb.

"God, Joshua," you breathed and started moaning, over and over again, cumming loudly on his fingers.

"Is that—are you watching porn?" Jihoon finally asked.

"Nope," Joshua muttered simply.

"Why does that sound like porn?" he sounded scandalized.

"I'll call you later, Jihoon. Bye," Joshua tossed his phone to the side and his free hand pulled you from the nape of your neck to kiss you hungrily as your pussy clenched his fingers hard.

"Having fun, princess?" he asked gruffly on your lips, then he nibbled your lower lip softly with his teeth.

"Mmm yeah," you replied sweetly, smiling playfully at him. "What was your call about?"

"Nothing that important," he said dismissively. "He might've heard you though."

"Oh, god. Really? Did he mention something?" your eyes widened.

"He thought I was watching porn," he smiled amusedly at you.

"God, that's so embarrassing," you replied, biting your lip and then you stood from his lap.

Joshua stuck his soaked fingers on his mouth, licking your slick off of him with a pleased groan. You were standing between his spread legs, so he just grabbed you by your hips to place soft wet kisses on your tummy.

"Can I—can I ride you?" you asked with a tiny voice as your fingers tangled in his dark hair,

"Yes, baby, fuck yes," he groaned and sat back when your hands gently pushed him by the shoulders.

You grabbed the waistband of his shorts and briefs and pulled them down together, undressing him completely.

"Fuck, baby. You're really needy today," he muttered in amazement.

"I was thinking of you today," you explained with a shrug as you sat back on his lap, straddling him on your couch. "Couldn't get you out of my mind."

"Why, what were you thinking of?" he asked, grabbing you by your hips again as your hands found his shoulders again to help yourself not lose your balance.

"I was thinking of doing this," you nodded to his naked body sitting on the couch.

"Mmm so you were fantasizing while writing your book?" he asked as your hand wrapped around his big cock and stroked his shaft. 

"I couldn't even get work done," you nodded with a sigh. "It's driving me crazy."

Your thumb rubbed the precum gathering on the tip and he swallowed thickly as he processed what you just said to him.

You propped yourself on your knees, his hands guiding you down as you held his cock for you to ease yourself down on it.

Joshua groaned, his hands involuntarily clenching on your love handles. You also moaned loudly, shuddering hard on top of him as you bottomed out on his cock.

"So big," you sighed tiredly.

Joshua let out a faint laugh, his hands moving your hips back and forth slightly, urging you to move.

"Okay?" he muttered, his voice already strained.

"Yeah, 'm okay," you nodded, anchoring yourself with your hands on his marked chest.

"Fuck," Joshua swallowed hard and threw his head back slightly, his fingers trying to dig holes into your skin.

You started riding him faster, his hands shifting from your hips to your ass, following your movements as you practically bounced on his cock.  

"Joshua," you whimpered. "Let me kiss you."

That was a bit of a problem for him.

It took him some moments to realize it at first, but when you dipped your head to lock your lips with his own, he moaned. He was just so weak for you, he usually found it so hard to contain himself when he was with you, but when you started landing kisses on him, he just couldn't resist.

You blinked and locked eyes with him, a frown appearing on your face when Joshua pulled his head back with a guttural groan. His hands grabbed your hips and forced them to stop, retracting your wet, throbbing pussy from his cock abruptly.

"Fuck, sorry, fuck. I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, clenching his jaw hard and screwing his eyes close.

"What's wrong?" you asked, reading his face desperately.

"Shh," he shuddered slightly.

You understood what was happening, and when Joshua opened his eyes again, he found you smiling.

"What's wrong?" you asked again when he allowed you to ease back down on his cock.

He licked his lips and shot you a brief look. "Almost came," he muttered shyly.

"From kissing me?!" your voice shot up an octave higher.

He groaned and threw his head back again on the couch and nodded wordlessly.

"Why?" you pried.

Joshua's hands were kneading on your sides, trying to get you to move a little faster, since it seemed that you had forgotten to continue riding him.

"I like it," he replied and his eyes shot you a dark look when you laughed.

"Sorry. I shouldn't laugh, 'm sorry," you tried to regain control of yourself but a big smile spread on your face, you even looked teary eyed for a second.

But Joshua smiled too despite himself. "You find that funny, princess?"

"A bit, yeah. It's cute," you muttered, suppressing a moan when you found a certain angle that you liked, you leaned forward a bit, taking his cock in your walls slowly.

"Cute?" Joshua snorted.

"All this time I thought—I was so dumb," you sighed and smiled at something only you appeared to be knowing of.

"What?" he pressed.

"Nothing," you shook your head and started riding his cock faster, earning a groan from him.

Then your hand sneaked in between you and him and started toying with your clit using your fingers. Joshua's eyes trailed down to where your bodies joined and saw your pretty fingers swirling around your swollen bud.

He might've come from the sight alone. He was biting his lip, watching you bounce on his cock, completely naked, making soft noises with your mouth as you appeared to be reaching your release again.

"Oh, Joshua—I'm close," you mumbled, pushing your forehead against his. Your pussy was clenching harder and you stiffened a moan. "Fuck, so close, Joshua."

"Do you want me to cum with you, baby?" he asked, his fingers teasing your nipples softly.

"Yes, god, yes. Please, Joshua," you whimpered.

"Want me to cum inside too?" his voice was low and strained.

"Yeah, oh god, Joshua. Ah'm there," your hips pressed down on him and your cunt squeezed him hard.

"God, fuck baby," he muttered and his hands grabbed you to help you keep moving on his cock as you went completely languid, succumbing to your third orgasm.

You leaned down and pressed your forehead on the crook of his neck, muffling the sounds of your whimpers and cries of pleasure as you came. Soft wet kisses and nibbles on his skin made him moan and cuss, the tip of your tongue swiped a line on his neck to his earlobe and that tipped him over the edge.

Joshua pushed his hips forward, thrusting his cum deep inside you, riding both your orgasms in a frenzied craze, he screwed his eyes shut while you continued to place lovebites in the crook of his neck, your body almost convulsing against his.

He was breathing hard, feeling like he almost passed out right there on your couch, his cock still inside your walls. What kept him conscious was the fluttering sensation on his chest, your heartbeat banging so fast against his that for a second he thought of asking you if you were feeling it too.

Fuck, he would miss this. Even if it was only a weekend.

"Oh, that was intense," you whispered, still shaking from your high.

You nuzzled tightly against his chest, burying your face on the crook of his neck and Joshua wrapped your body in his arms, holding you tightly as you breathed tiredly on his neck.

"Are you going to tell me now?" Joshua asked, not forgetting what you tried to say.

"All this time I thought you didn't like to kiss me during sex," you confessed and then let out a soft chuckle. "But it turns out you do?"

"What?" Joshua exclaimed. "Why would you think something like that?"

"Because you never kiss me—or let me touch you when we fuck," you shrugged slightly.

"Why did you never ask? It's important that you know these things," he reprimanded, pushing his shoulder forward and you moved your body back, understanding he wanted to be face to face with you.

"I just thought that us being fuckbuddies, kissing during sex would be too affectionate, you know?" you mused coyly.

"That's nonsense," he shook his head.

"It's not to me, Joshua," you muttered, eyeing him abashedly.

"You know you can trust me with these things. I'm not trying to belittle your worries, just—I want you to be comfortable with me," he looked upset, and almost disappointed.

"Well, what was I supposed to think?" you countered.

"Not that I don't like to kiss you," he rolled his eyes with annoyance.

"But you do," you smiled eagerly, reveling at the fact that he liked kissing you during sex so much that he could come from it.

"Of course I do," he laughed faintly.

Joshua looked at you expectantly, but you slowly rose from the couch, and let out a sigh when you saw that you had spilled his cum on the couch, and it also dripped down your legs.

"Oh, I made a mess," you mumbled embarrassedly and seemed to look around for something to clean it up immediately.

"I'll sort this out. Don't worry," Joshua told you and nodded. "Go get cleaned up, baby."

"Right," you frowned, your attention drawing back to the cum dripping down your thighs. "I'll be back."

While you took care of that in the shower, Joshua found paper towels in your kitchen and cleaned the mess on the couch and the few drops he found scattered on the floor.

Then he took the liberty to enter the bathroom while you were showering. Joshua had been there many times before to wash up after having sex with you, so he knew pretty much everything about where to find what he needed.

"Are you going to hop in with me?" you asked, eyeing him with curiosity through the glass door of the shower.

"I was just thinking of cleaning up here but," he shrugged, seeing your soap covered body.

You moved from the stream to let him step under it. Joshua was well aware that you enjoyed seeing him shower, even though he didn't even make a show of it, he usually just stuck to get himself cleaned fast.

But your eyes—oh, they were so telling on what was going on your mind. They wandered and roamed all over his naked wet body and he smiled knowingly.

"Are you hungry, princess?" he asked suddenly, bringing your fascinated eyes back to his own.

"Uh?" your mouth parted cutely.

"As in, food, I mean," he chuckled.

"Oh, oh, yeah," you muttered awkwardly.

"Do you want to order something? Or maybe I can cook something for you, if you want," he shrugged as he rubbed soap on his hands to clean his cock thoroughly, which was getting hard under the eye fucking by you.

"You can cook?" you asked innocently.

"I don't like your tone of surprise," he pointed. "Yes, I'm a decent cook."

"Oh? I'd like to, yeah," you replied while pretending to be washing your skin very consciously for the second time already.

"Okay," he mumbled, throwing his head back to finish rinsing off and stepping out of the stream for you to wash off the bubbles from your neck and breasts. You weren't making a show of it either, but Joshua couldn't help but gape at your body too.

Now, he was not entirely sure you weren't making a show of it, since you had rubbed soap all over your tits, bubbles gathered around your nipples and when the water washed over them, it looked so alluring that a shudder shook him hard.

Joshua chuckled breathily, snapping himself out of his trance and stepped out of the shower, fighting a semi-hard on. He was quick to dry off his body with the towel that you assigned him the very first time he showered in your apartment.

He had grown a fondness to this. Something so simple and ordinary as washing up. You didn't have any particular way of doing it but he found it cute. He liked the mundanity of it all.

"Take whatever you want. You have free rein," you offered as Joshua stood in your kitchen.

"Do you follow a special diet?" he asked, appearing to be focused on his task. "Are you picky about something?"

You told him a brief summary about your food preferences and he listened intently, starting to gather ingredients from your cupboards and fridge.

"Okay, princess," he sighed and started to busy himself in making you a full meal.

"Do you need some help?" you offered meekly, feeling a bit idle in your own kitchen while he got to work.

"Um, I need these chopped. Can you help me sweetheart?" he asked with an aloof tone and nodded to the cutting board.

You instantly melted at the tone he used to address you. "Sure," as you did so, he eyed you curiously. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"Not at all," he assured.

"Okay. That's done. What next?" you handed him the cutting board and he diligently put the chopped veggies on the large pot and covered it, lowering the heat and sighed with satisfaction.

"That's it baby, thank you. Now we wait," Joshua said, setting a timer in his phone before gathering the used cutting boards, knives and such to put them on the sink.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I'll do the dishes," you stammered, grabbing one of his wrists to stop him. "You cooked, I'll wash."

"Sure about that, princess?" he asked. "I can do both, no worries."

"Move aside," you commanded and then batted your eyelashes at him before adding. "Please."

He smiled amusedly. "Okay."

He didn't leave the kitchen, he just stood there while you washed the dishes neatly. You looked over your shoulder at him to find him leaning on the kitchen counter, you turned around to continue washing the dishes, smiling with a blush on your face.

A yelp in surprise came out of you, startled when Joshua's hands clutched your waist over the soft fabric of your silk robe.

"Careful, bunny," he muttered softly when you jolted slightly. "I don't want you cutting yourself on that."

You were just rinsing the knife you used, and moved it to the drying rack. "You startled me," you replied shortly, trying not to show how flustered you already were.

"Sorry about that," he moved a hand from your waist to brush your wet hair from the back of your neck with his fingers, leaving your nape exposed.

He pressed his lips behind your ear, inadvertently getting the scent of your soft skin and wet hair. The scent was sweet, he could almost taste it in his tongue, it left him feeling something akin to a punch in his chest.

"Joshua, I'm in the middle of something right now," you mumbled, but you sounded amused, almost as if you found it funny that he couldn't keep his hands to himself for longer than half an hour.

"So?" he replied in a similar fashion to you.

And to really make his point across, he pressed his body on yours firmly, making you inevitably feel his semi-hard cock lodged in your ass.

"Joshua–"

"Hurry up," he muttered in your ear, teasing you with soft kisses.

He only heard you smile, but was so busy trailing kisses down your shoulder that he didn't get to see it again.

"Okay," your voice was rendered to a whisper. You finished rinsing the last cup and put it neatly on the rack. But then you scooted to the side to wipe something on the counter, clearly dodging his advances to tease him a bit.

When you heard a groan from him you didn't dare look back at him, but you laughed at his evident impatience.

"Calm down. And you say I'm needy," you teased. "Honestly, you should look in the mirror, Shua."

A gasp left your mouth when you were suddenly turned in your feet and pushed back in the kitchen counter that dug into your smaller back.

"You're becoming more confident with the tone you use with me, princess," he cooed with a playful grin on his face, his pierced eyebrow arched a little before he dipped his head to capture your lips with his own.

"I'm sorry," you replied in a whisper, but deep down you were excited to see where this was going.

"You know I don't like liars," he muttered darkly in your lips before swiping a line in your lower lip, making you whimper pathetically in response.

He nibbled your lower lip gently as his hands found the knot tying your robe blindly and tugged at it loose.

"You're so sure about that, Shua. But you seem to like me," you countered, your whole body recoiling in a thrilling shudder at your own audacity.

He stepped back a little, he looked in complete fascination, as if you had slapped him silly for a second before he broke in a throaty chuckle.

"What's gotten into you today, princess?" he asked with an amused look. "You've been so bratty lately. Do you miss being punished?"

"I do," you breathed into his lips, pressing your own against them a couple of times before adding: "And now that you're leaving I'm going to miss it more."

You felt his smirk with your lips, his breath landing lightly on your mouth. He had already parted your robe, making your breath hitch embarrassingly when his hands slid in your naked waist.

"You're trying to make me punish you. You know that doesn't work with me, baby. So why try?" he tilted his head to the side a bit, the smirk never fading from his face.

"Oh, but it does work, Joshua," you whispered, your jaw trembling ever so slightly when one of his hands slid on your back, fingers caressing gently on your skin. "It has worked every time."

Joshua seemed at a loss for words. This was a first for him—being so enthralled by someone that he didn't know what to say. It made him feel challenged, and he liked that a bit too much.

You found the strength to start toying gently with the piercings on his earlobe, knowing it was a weakness for him. His eyelids fluttered briefly and he tried not to smile.

"You were right, Joshua," you muttered with a sigh. "I do feel a little sad that you're not fucking me this weekend. But, think of how bratty I'll get. I don't think I can be that patient for you."

"Careful, princess," he muttered again, but this time, he was deadly serious.

"Are you going to miss my body too, Shua? I can play with my toys all I want, but what are you going to do?" you continued with a honeyed tone, being cautious to avoid his darkened gaze.

One, two, three seconds passed, and as time progressed and your words hung in the air, you knew it would be bad for you. But in reality, Joshua was just racking his brains for something to say, since you almost had punched him with your words.

Then, the timer in his phone reached zero, the alarm went off, distracting his attention and breaking the silence in the kitchen. He turned away from you to get the alarm to stop and turned the stove off.

"Turn around," he muttered as walked back to you.

You bit your lip to avoid him seeing your triumphant smile as you turned your tummy to face the kitchen counter.

"Bend over," his next instruction was cold, devoid from all the warmth and gentleness he used before.

Bent over the kitchen counter, you started to get a fiery anxiousness over what was coming. His hands gently caressed your ass over your panties when he pushed the robe up your back, making you sigh your nervousness away. 

Then you felt his fingers tug on the band of your panties to move them down to your knees.

And, something you weren't expecting happened. Joshua pushed one finger into your core, a whimper fell from your lips and your muscles tightened in response at the sudden intrusion.

"So wet already," he tutted. "I love this about you, baby. Your pretty cunt is always ready for me, even when you know what's coming for you."

He sounded serious, but on the inside, Joshua was far from disappointed. He was deeply awed by you, almost to the point he knew he had to be crazy.

"Joshua," you breathed against the cold surface of the kitchen counter.

"Mmm, yes baby. That's my name," he introduced a second finger in your warm gummy walls and you gasped. "Do you say my name when you play with your toys?"

"You know I do," you replied despite the blazing tingle sensation in your ears and cheeks.

"Are you going to say my name when you get fucked by someone else while I'm gone?" he asked and you knew by his tone he was not playing.

"I'm not fucking anyone else! Just you, Joshua," you replied instantly.

Joshua dragged his fingers out your sopping walls and landed his hand firmly in your ass, the wetness of your arousal in his fingers leaving a tickling feeling over the pulsating soreness in your skin.

You yelped loudly in response, screwing your eyes shut and fingers clenching into fists at your sides.

"That's right, princess," he purred softly. "If anyone gets to fuck you, is me," he rubbed a hand over the sore area.

"Yes, yes!" you squealed mindlessly. "Only you."

You let out a mewling sigh when he ran the pads of his fingers in your folds, caressing softly before slipping his fingers inside your walls again.

He leaned forward, placing a loving kiss on your bare shoulder. "What made you think you could even imply otherwise?" he asked, his voice low and raspy.

Your eyes fluttered shut, holding onto the cold counter to try and control your shaky breaths.

"I asked you a question, princess," he cooed.

"I'm sorry, I-"

Again, he pulled his fingers out of your throbbing walls to land another slap in the same spot he did previously, it made you jolt and groan through clenched teeth.

"Don't," he muttered. "I don't like lies. You know that."

You nodded and then pressed the side of your face on the hard surface of the kitchen counter.

"You wanted this, baby," he cooed, marveling at the sight of your glute starting to redden in the recently hit area.

Joshua continued to tease your cunt with his fingers, then introducing a third one, massaging your walls, pressing on them with his knuckles when he crooked his fingers inside you.

"Oh god," you breathed, your eyelids fluttering when your arousal trickled down your thigh.

"Shit, princess," Joshua muttered in his fascinated trance. "I don't think I'd ever seen you this wet. I suppose that thinking of fucking other cocks while I'm gone gets you this wet, is that it baby?"

"No! I just said that to s-spite you," you stammered quickly and then screwed your eyes shut to brace yourself for another spank.

"Then you're saying that teasing me gets you wet," he laughed faintly when you whimpered at the loss of his fingers when he pulled them out of you to land another slap in your ass.

"Fuck," you cussed through clenched teeth.

That one resounded harder than the last, so hard that Joshua believed that your neighbors would hear. Does his roommate hear this every time he's with you doing this?

"Mm?" Joshua pressed, while caressing your sore ass briefly before resume fucking you with his fingers, sighing in satisfaction at the sight of you completely bent, ass red and your cunt displayed for him, soaking wet.

"It does," you mumbled.

"You like to get in my head, is that it?" he wondered aloud, hoping to get a reaction from you. "Do you like to incite me with your bratty behavior?"

"I do, I like all of it," you breathed, then bit down your lower lip.

"Don't bite your lip," he warned. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Joshua raised his hand to land another firm slap in your ass. Both of your glutes were tingling, sore and hot. You groaned in both pain and in pleasure when he introduced his fingers in your throbbing core again. The sight of his wet fingers disappearing in your pulsating walls was fascinating to him. And you, being so completely subdued by his control was even more arousing.

"You're being so good right now, bunny," he praised with his honeyed voice. "I wish you could see yourself."

You only moaned in response, feeling silly to even give a full coherent response. You only were able to angle your ass up for his fingers to reach deeper in your walls, letting out a puffy breath through your wet and chapped lips.

"Oh, my pretty girl. Are you fucked out already? Do you like being fucked with my fingers, sweetheart?" he smiled when he saw you were nearly drooling, your mouth agape and eyelids fluttering shut.

"Uh-huh," you breathed.

"Is this why you misbehave?" he pressed, but even you could hear that he was smiling.

"Yeah," you replied in the same manner.

He chuckled, completely entranced in your fucked out babble, drooling, soaking wet on his fingers, which he pulled out to deliver another spank on your red glute, earning a lewd yelp from you.

"Baby, are you close?" he asked. "I'm barely fucking you with my fingers, do you like being spanked that much?" he asked when your walls started cramping down on his fingers.

"Mmm-mmph," you nodded with your head pressed against the counter. "Feels so good," you replied in a whimper, it was not only the fact that he was teasing you with his fingers, or the pain from the spanking.

You were absolutely drunk on him controlling you, talking to you in that way, acting possessive over you.

He pulled his fingers once again and you lifted your head from the counter when you saw out of the corner of your eye that he had dropped to his knees.

An embarrassingly lewd sound escaped from your gaping mouth when he licked a stripe from the side of your thigh to your wet folds, his hands firmly grabbing you by your sore ass for him to bury his mouth on your cunt.

You cried out his name, not caring that it was the middle of the day, you were in close proximity to the door of your apartment and the walls to the hall outside were very thin.

He hummed in response, reveling at the sound of you calling his name out loud. His hands were kneading at your ass, pushing you on his face as he ravaged your core, giving it broad strokes with his tongue, tasting you, getting drunk on you.

"God, Joshua!" you cried out lewdly.

Just when his tongue started to push in your core, making you moan and tremble in pure bliss, he stood up, yanking his mouth from your throbbing cunt.

You let out a whimpering groan, expressing your disapproval. Joshua you felt genuinely amused, but you didn't see any sign of it, his nose and lips covered in your slick that he wiped away with one hand.

Joshua leaned forward as you lay on the counter and you stilled when his lips pressed wet kisses where your silk robe didn't cover your back, your shoulder and neck.

A pathetic moan spilled from your lips, your body alight from the soft kisses he planted on places no one but him had ever touched before.

"Did you think I'm letting you cum that easy, baby?" he purred, planting a kiss on your shoulder. "You're cumming when I say you can, you know that."

Joshua couldn't ignore the glint of triumph he caught in your eyes. A thing was for certain: you learned his game, you won.

His hand rubbed the area where he had spanked you, it was red and it felt some tingles. He felt you shudder slightly and you dropped your forehead back to the kitchen counter.

"You like being spanked," he cooed softly. "You enjoy being tied too. Maybe I should change my tactics, since you're misbehaving so much lately."

That sparked your interest, you budged a little to sneak a glance his way, the sight of it was so cute that Joshua almost breaks right there and then.

"Should I punish you by giving you the cold shoulder?" he mused softly, introducing his fingers back into your walls and you let out a moan in eagerness. "You seem to like giving me the cold shoulder, maybe I should start doing the same to you."

But it was you that broke first.

"No, please don't," you raised your head to see him. "I'm sorry Joshua, I won't do it again, please."

His fingers came to a stop inside you, pulling them out slowly to then fix your panties back to their place. "On the table, now."

You swallowed thickly, but didn't waste more time and walked over to the table with Joshua closely behind you. He grabbed you by the waist and sat your body down on the cold surface.

Luckily the table was sturdy and it didn't budge when Joshua set your body down brusquely.

"I'm having a hard time believing you. Why do you give me the cold shoulder, bunny?" he asked, his tone silky and taunting. 

But in his eyes you saw another thing, was it frustration? You leaving him aside was something that troubled him deeply, he knew that he couldn't press you too much about it because you always seemed to steer the conversation away from it.

"I can't tell you, Joshua," you whispered and the air was robbed from his lungs when he knew you weren't in the subspace anymore.

"It's okay," he responded and his gaze softened immediately. "If you can't tell me I won't bring it up again."

"Oh, Joshua," you sobbed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be," he faltered. "Are you safewording, bunny? We can stop right now."

"Nonono, don't stop," you muttered quickly, bringing a hand to his nape to pull him into a heated kiss.

"Baby-," he pulled away but you shushed him with another kiss.

"Please don't stop," you urged in a broken whisper.

"I'm confused," he admitted.

"Just know that I don't push you away over something you do," you muttered faintly, looking at his eyes but your gaze was shifty. "You don't do anything wrong."

"You trust me, don't you?" he asked, feeling his chest contract at his words, why did he feel so unsettled by this?

"I do, I trust you Joshua," you replied immediately.

"And you know you can safeword anytime," he continued.

"Yes, I would've safeworded if something was too much for me," you nodded.

"I'm not doing anything that pushes you away?" you shook your head silently. "Okay, that's all I need to know."

Except that wasn't true. Joshua was still clinging to the question around your sudden disappearances. He was sure it got something to do about the stuff you said about your exes: you didn't stick around.

But he's not your ex, he's not even remotely something close to even having a title in your life. You don't introduce someone to your friends and say 'This is Joshua Hong, my fuckbuddy.' So, why should you treat him as anything more than that?

"Joshua," you called to him, tearing him from his thoughts and cupping his beautiful face in your hands, locking your eyes with his. "I won't push you away again. I promise."

"You don't have to make promises with me," he muttered and instantly regretted it.

Because he wanted this, he wanted you, no messing around, no lies. He wanted your honesty, your secrets, everything.

"But I want to. Let me," you whispered, he could see the honesty in your eyes, but also, a glint of desperation in them.

"Okay," he conceded. "It's a promise, then."

Joshua held in his breath, he was an idiot.

"Joshua, I..." you whispered, your fingers were now fidgeting with the hair on his nape, as if that was meant to soothe you, not him. "Give me time, and I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"Baby, you're allowed to keep your secrets," he emphasized. "I just don't like to feel like it's my fault that you disappear."

"It's not," you said and seemed to relax, the tension around your shoulders eased.

"Then I have nothing more to worry about," his fingers grazed your chin fondly. "Okay?"

You nodded, offering him a sweet smile that twisted his guts. "Okay."

"You scared me, baby. Don't do that again," he reprimanded softly with a sigh, leaning his forehead on yours.

"I'm sorry," you muttered. "I know, I'm so, so sorry. I panicked. I ruined the moment."

"Don't worry. Your comfort comes first," he said softly. "It's a good thing that you stopped me, but just try to remember to safeword. Even for things like this."

"I will. Thank you," you whispered.

"Are you sure you're okay, baby?" he whispered. "We don't have to keep going. We can skip to aftercare, it's alright."

"But I want to keep going," you muttered back in a tiny voice. "Do you still want me?"

Joshua still felt confused, but one thing yanked his mind from the lingering question: you being so restless, so utterly vulnerable and exposed to him made his heart wrench.

He wanted you in ways that he couldn't explain.

"I always do," he replied before kissing you.

His hand found the nape of your neck, his fingers tangling on your hair to kiss you hungrily.

The atmosphere between you had changed and Joshua felt it, he didn't have to ask you if you felt it too this time.

What Joshua didn't know is that your heart was beating like crazy. So completely lovesick because you were becoming more and more transparent with your feelings and at the same time, you couldn't find it in yourself to tell him you're in love with him.

Instead, your hands were zipping down his hoodie again, sliding it down from his shoulders. This time Joshua forgo his tank top, so he just shrugged out of his hoodie, and you helped him step out of his shorts.

You grabbed his hard cock with one hand and he sighed softly in your lips, shyly giving it a few pumps with your hand. Darting a look up to find his big doe eyes trained on your face, making your stomach jolt in nervousness.

"What?" you breathed.

"Lie back, princess," he muttered, blinking lazily at you with a smile on his face.

The curtains in your apartment were wide open, letting the warm light from the sunset pour inside and reach the round table where you were lying down, still wearing your robe and panties. The splits of the robe parted and exposed your naked chest for him.  

Joshua could've sworn he never laid eyes on someone so beautiful. Removing the fact that you were nearly naked, he still thought you were so pretty; your puffy soft lips, your wide eyes looking fondly at him.

He hooked his fingers on the waistband of your panties and slid them down your legs again and put them aside somewhere.

"Joshua?" you called in a small voice.

"Mm?"

"Can we—can we skip foreplay?" you breathed. "I really need you right now."

Joshua complied wordlessly, being that he also ached to do just that. Grabbing your legs to hoist them up his shoulders, he aligned his cock with your core, he sent you a look before he sheathed himself in your walls to his hilt.

He let out a puffy breath in pure delight as soon as his cock was surrounded by your walls.

"God, Joshua," you sighed.

He would never get tired of this, hearing you call his name.

He started moving, dragging his cock back to push it right in, picking up a pace instantly. He was hitting you so hard and deep that the sounds of skin slapping against skin, paired with the soft moans you made and Joshua's own groans flooded the room.

Joshua looked down where your bodies joined, a low guttural moan bubbled in his throat when he saw his cock disappearing on your pretty swollen cunt.

"Mmfuck. You feel so good baby," he muttered in a fucked out slurry tone, his eyes trailing back to yours. "So tight and warm."

"All for you, Joshua," your reply reverted him back to the thing he always says to you and that made him smile broadly at you.

"Just for me," he breathed, the air leaving his lungs once again but now knowing that your eyes were looking adoringly up at him. "Why is that?"

"Because 'm yours," you mumbled with a small smile that let out a moan.

"All mine. That's right, baby," he breathed, pushing in and out of you in steady pace, barely holding onto the fragile threads of reality.

Joshua has never felt something so otherworldly. He thought he might be going insane for a split second. The warm light pouring from the windows bathed what your robe didn't cover, your bare skin exposed to him, your adoring eyes looking at him.

Then, he suddenly leaned down, motioning for you to hook your legs around him, as you did, his arms wrapped around your body to hoist you hip, so now that the only part of your body pressed to the table was your ass.

You cried out in both pleasure and from the unexpected motion as he continued ramming his cock in and out of your cramping walls, hitting so deep in a spot that felt just so good you inevitably started moaning lewdly.

You instinctively hid your face on the crook of his neck, nibbling at his soft and marked skin. You placed open mouthed kisses on the spot below his ear, making him plunge deeper in you.

"God, ahh—baby," he called with a hoarse voice. "Fuck–I'm close. Are you close too?"

"No, 'm not there yet, Joshua," you mumbled breathlessly, pulling your head back to see his furrowed brow.

"You want me to cum inside, sweetheart?" he purred with a lazy sigh.

You nodded, and he enjoyed the frenzied look on your face because he knew you went wild when he talked to you in that way.

"Do you want me to keep fucking you until we come again and again?"

He smiled at you when you shuddered visibly. You nodded and gulped hard. "Yes—god, yes! Please, Joshua."

"Gonna fill your pretty cunt to the brim. You're gonna take it all, right baby?" he continued, enjoying the frenzied look in your eye when he talked pure filth to you.

"Yes, yes, yes," you nodded frantically. "I want everything, Joshua."

You cupped his face with your hands and pulled him into a hungry, passionate kiss. He groaned helplessly in your mouth, feeling like you were playing dirty with him, because he couldn't hold out anymore.

He pushed his hips against yours lazily, his hands cupping your ass to push your body impossibly close to his own as ropes of cum spilled inside your pulsating walls.

But he continued fucking you aimlessly, your body now clinging to his. One of his large hands grabbed you by the back of your head to kiss you harder, swallowing your moans of pleasure as you came with him.

"Joshua," you breathed in his mouth. "Oh, god–fuck. Joshua!"

"I know, I know," he replied lazily. "You're taking it so well, baby."

Then you did something he wasn't expecting. You moved your arms from his shoulders and propped yourself on the table, splaying your legs wide for him.

A low moan bubbled in his chest, his glazed eyes at your body splayed on the table for him, making him follow you by leaning towards you and lowering his hands flatly on the table too.

His gaze fell again where your bodies joined and groaned loudly, clenching his jaw as he felt his cock getting harder at the sight of your cunt sopping wet with his cum. The base of his cock dripped with a  ring of your cream around it.

"Umffuck, fuck baby," he groaned mindlessly. "You look so good like this."

It was at this moment that you knew why he liked watching you come. You always thought he looked insanely hot when fucking you, but this time something was different. He looked as if he was trapped in a trance—his gaze was out of focus, lust lidded eyes, leaning his head back while pushing his cock in and out, biting his lip and moaning out incoherencies.

He was ruined, so ruined.

"All yours," you responded in the same craze as his. "I'm yours, yours, Joshua."

He moaned gutturally and nodded with his head, his thrusts had long ceased to be controlled and calculated, as he was growing tired but drowning deep in you.

"Baby," he called. "Kiss me."

You pushed your body with your arms and reached out to him, wrapping one arm around him to capture his sweet lips with your own, a hand pushing him by the back of his head to pull his head as humanely close to you.

"Mine," he breathed in your lips.

You nodded and pressed your lips against his softly.

"Give me one more. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?" he asked in a broken mutter.

Joshua smiled sweetly at you just nodding your head, completely unable to utter a word.

"You're being so good for me," he grunted, pushing lazily in your walls. "Fuck, so perfect. You're gonna give me one more? Cum for me again, baby."

You groaned loudly and nodded frantically. "Yeah," you mewled.

"Rub your clit. I'll cum with you," he muttered and smiled again when you complied with zero hesitation.

But you brought the hand that was on his nape to his lips and he understood immediately, and took the pads of your fingers inside his mouth to coat them with his drool along with a groan.

Then you gently pressed the now wet fingertips on your clit and started flicking swiftly, you knew it was game over for you again.

You threw your head back a bit, jaw going slack as Joshua continued fucking you open on your table, grunting and cussing over and over again as your walls started cramping erratically around his cock again.

"Uum fuck-k," you gasped, your muscles contracting erratically. "Joshua, god–Joshua!" you cried out harder. "I'm cumming, I'm–gaah!"

Joshua moaned in response, but continued ramming his cock inside and out, not wanting to tear his eyes off you, writhing on your table, crying out his name for the whole building to hear.

It didn't take much for you to drag him over the edge again, it was just so irresistible, and it felt so good to be in there with you; both so drunk on each other.

"That's it, baby. Take it all," he whispered, completely lost in you, so much that he couldn't believe that he was already cumming for the third time that day. 

Joshua blinked lazily as he pushed his hips sloppily, dumping his load inside your walls with a blissful groan and faint babbles about how good you were for him, calling you his over and over again.

You were breathing hard, rendered speechless, your arm supporting your body was shaking slightly as you stopped writhing from your high.

"Joshua," you whimpered, signaling for him to stop.

"Too much, sweetheart?" he cooed, reading your face with his eyes.

You nodded wordlessly and he complied immediately, his hips coming to a stop, his chest heaving and completely covered in hickeys and sweat.

"Hungry now?" he smiled weakly.

"Mmyeah," you mumbled clumsily.

"Let's go wash and then we eat," he nodded back to the bathroom.

"Get out of me first," you smiled playfully at him.

He sighed a smile, his eyes glinting with something you couldn't place. He reached out beside you on the table and motioned you to lie back again.

Then you noticed he had reached out for our panties he discarded on the table and hooked them on your ankles, sliding them up your legs and you lifted your hips for him to fit them properly.

"Thanks," you muttered happily.

"D'you still have questions for me, sweetheart?" he asked out of the blue, his hands beside you hovering over your body on your table.

You blinked a bit surprised. "Yeah," a frown appeared on your face. "Why?"

"How about," he booped your nose with his finger, "we eat, and we go somewhere you can ask away all you want."

"Why, I can ask you right now," you shrugged slightly, the small smile remaining on your face.

"I'm jus' saying since we can't be around each other for two minutes without having sex," he chuckled breathily.

You giggled sweetly and his heart clenched again. "Alright, mister. It's a plan."

Then you booped his nose and he smiled.

Joshua was actually a really good cook, not 'decent' as he said. However you didn't eat on the table, you both sat on your couch and ate to your heart's content.

The tv was on, but none of you were watching. You sat with your legs extended on the side and Joshua sat on the sofa beside you.

Sometimes you would catch him looking at you with the lightest smile on his face. You would laugh and roll your eyes at him, trying to play hard at his suggestive looks.

Maybe it was the fact that you were both half naked in your living room.

"What?" you finally managed to ask after he looked at you for the third time. Or when you caught him looking for the third time.

"I think I'd never seen you eat a full meal 'till now," he replied, eyes on his bowl, scratching with his chopsticks at nothing.

"Yeah, I'd never seen you eat either," you nodded with a small frown.

"You're cute," he muttered shyly. "You pout when you chew on your food."

You giggled. "No, I don't. Now you're just inventing stuff," you joked, but you couldn't ignore the fluttering in your stomach.

He rolled his eyes. "Right. Forget what I said. You actually look like a monster that's been starved for decades."

"That's more like it," you smiled at him.

"I'm never giving you a compliment again," he smiled, leaving his bowl on the side. "Want more, sweetheart?"

"I'm full," you left your bowl on the coffee table as well. "Thank you, Joshua."

"Don't thank me," he replied, leaning back on the sofa.

His legs were spread, a hand resting on his thigh and the other propping his head.

You swallowed hard and looked away. But he noticed, he stood up and squeezed his body on the couch lifting your body to place you on top of him.

He was smiling knowingly. "You're insatiable, princess. Did you know that?"

"What are you going to do about it?" you asked coyly.

"How about we just make out?" he laughed in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I'd like that," you breathed.

Joshua chuckled, dipping his head to kiss you deeply, smiling between your lips.

Joshua Hong, you idiot.

When his roommate gave him the tickets for the Aquarium night event, he failed to mention that it was an event intended for couples mainly. So the look on his face might have given him away immediately when he led you inside.

"You know, if you wanted to go out on a date with me, at least give me the courtesy of letting me know beforehand. I could've dressed better," you smiled impishly as you looked around the entrance of the place where the first thing you saw was a heart shaped sign that said: 'love is in the water.'

"I didn't know it was for couples," he admitted.

You gave him a look, and his heart sank. Why couldn't he just say that this was an actual date?

Maybe because this was not his style.

If it were up to him, he would have taken you somewhere else, and perhaps under different circumstances, he would have told you beforehand that he intended to go out with you seriously instead of dragging you on an impromptu date.

"We can leave," he put in quickly.

"No, it's okay. I don't want to leave," you reassured him. "I like aquariums."

"You do?" he pushed his eyebrows up.

"Yeah!" you smiled, pushing the door and holding it open for him.

He was dumbfounded still by the mess he brought you to.

"What else do you like?" he asked, walking beside you through a corridor that looked more like a glass tunnel crossing through water, fish darting away above, the soft light illuminating the path you walked together painted a soft blue glow on your skin.

"I'm asking the questions tonight, sir," you arched an eyebrow playfully.

"True, sorry," he returned the smile. "What do you want to know?"

"I know your birthday, your favorite color, I know that you go out with your mom on Sundays... Do you have siblings?"

"Only child," he muttered simply. "It's just me and my mom."

"Oh," you frowned cutely.

"It's fine, don't worry," he shrugged.

"O-okay," you nodded. "Is guitar the only instrument you play?"

"So you do have a list of questions, huh?" he asked jokingly. "I play the piano too."

"You know I do have a list," you quipped with a grin. "Will you show me one day?"

He smiled sweetly. "Sure."

You returned the smile before standing in front of large tanks showing pink jellyfish. You cooed cutely, looking mesmerized at the exhibit.

Something irked him. His hand itched to grab yours, to lace your fingers with his and stroll with you hand in hand. He wanted to show you off to the world, as though you were his entirely.

But instead of that, he just took out his phone and snapped a photo of you deep in your trance watching the jellyfishes floating in the water tank. You never noticed he did, but that was his plan all along.

"I always wanted to ask," you eyed him shyly, walking to the next tunnel, through the reefs and fishes swimming away. "Were you taught to tie rope?"

Joshua snickered. "Why do you want to know?"

You smiled through your blush. "I just can't imagine you learning from a tutorial on youtube."

"What's wrong about that?" he laughed. "I did learn some things on the internet. But before that, someone taught me."

Your eyes sparked with interest, turning away from the colorful schools of fish darting gracefully between swaying seaweed to face him. "And who–who was that?" you stammered a little. 

"An ex," he put it simply.

"Girlfriend?" you mused, trying to sound uninterested.

But Joshua noticed, his eyes fixed on your face as he nodded. "Former dom. Long time ago, bunny."

Your eyes widened, your mouth even dropped in the tiniest 'o'. "You used to have a dom?" you whispered, but couldn't hide your disbelief.

"For a while," he replied simply, not caring much about sharing his past with you, he wanted you to know all about him, so he felt like he could be more open.

"Did you like being a sub?" you asked nervously.

"It was alright. Fun, short-lived," Joshua shrugged.

"Why did you change?" you pried.

"I prefer having control," he sighed with a gentle smile.

"Mm yeah, that I do know," you smirked, looking up to the water ceiling, your eyes following each fish that swam by. "Would you let me dom you?"

Joshua's laugh reverberated across the tunnel, he even threw his head back a little.

"Don't laugh!" you mumbled sheepishly. "I'm serious."

"Sorry. I know you're serious," he replied, bringing a hand to your back as he walked beside you. "You just took me off guard."

"Why, you don't think I can do it?" you pressed, although you felt like it was quite obvious.

He ran a hand through his black hair, pushing it back. "Honestly? I don't know. But if it's something you want to try, we can do it some time. I can teach you a few things."

"Is there anything you want to try with me?" you mused, glancing up at his big doe eyes and the water ceiling on top of him.

"Mmm, dunno. I think I might be down for anything you want, honestly," he confessed, then paused. "Is there anything you want to try, bunny?"

"Mmm," you hummed and Joshua smiled when he noticed you've been echoing him a lot lately. "There's a lot I haven't experienced. Car sex, mirror sex, butt stuff," you laughed then looked down meekly before adding: "Threesomes."

"Do you want to have a threesome?" he asked, looking around to make sure no one heard his voice over the soft music playing through the speakers.

You shrugged. "I mean, only if you want, obviously," you gave him an abashed look.

"Huh," he smiled broadly. "I don't know how I feel about that," he admitted through his smile.

"If you don't want to, it's fine. It's just something I thought might be hot, y'know, being... shared," you stuttered quickly, scratching the back of your head awkwardly.

"I think it will take me a while to be ready to share you with someone else, honestly," he mumbled shamefully, standing before a large exhibit, where the vibrant hues of exotic fish shimmer under the gentle illumination.

It looked something like watching a meteor shower, Joshua thought. The fish were darting in all directions, glittering in the dark ocean depths, and he almost fell into another trance, seeing you enveloped in a silvery aura in the dim lights.    

"That's fine," you smiled nervously. "We can try other things."

"Maybe in some other time we can try," he conceded.

"Never done it before?" you asked, your cute eyes reading his face.

He rolled his eyes with an uneasy smile. "I've done it before, princess. A few times."

"Then why...?" you frowned slightly.

You didn't get to finish your question, instead you shook your head and turned to face the underwater life, letting yourself be drawn by the next exhibit. Joshua gravitated naturally around you so he followed closely.

"Maybe we can try it when I don't feel as... you know, possessive," he mentioned offhandedly, looking away from you to the ceiling.

"Joshua, it's okay," he heard you smile and his eyes trailed back at your face. "We don't have to do it now. I don't think I'd be able to try it with anyone else that isn't you."

That sent a strange fuzzy feeling down his body.

"Yeah? Why is that?" he mused.

"I dunno," you mumbled sheepishly, avoiding his gaze while you twiddled your fingers around the necklace you wore. "I feel safe with you, Joshua. You don't mock me for my inexperience, or make me feel bad in any way when you teach me things. And I trust you would take care of me in anything we try together."

There was no one around inside the small exhibit, in fact, the large glass wall showed nothing but water, since the lonely beluga had already swam out of sight a couple of minutes ago.

"That's the only thing I care about," he replied, the feeling coiling in his throat had robbed his voice. "Your trust in me."

You raised your eyes back at him, there was a glint of emotion in them Joshua couldn't quite place. You gaped slightly, as if wanting to say something but fell short of courage.

But then your eyes trailed down to his lips, then back at his eyes and he understood what you meant. He knew you were shy about a lot of things, not just things revolving around the physical, so he decided to initiate.

"C'mere," he muttered, wrapping one arm across the small of your back, pulling you close to him as the other hand cupped your chin.

Joshua slowly captured your lips with his own, feeling his heart melt under the softness of your skin, the taste of your sweet breath as you sighed in his mouth. 

Joshua Hong, you idiot, his internal voice reprimanded again.

He should've known why he was feeling this uneasy.

He should've known the minute he saw you standing outside his door for the first time. Then, he would've gotten the opportunity to make things right with you—to ask you for a date, to get to know you better, to win your heart over.

But no, he let his hedonistic ways get in the way first. Now, will he get the opportunity to make things right with you?

"Joshua," you breathed. "I–"

"You don't have to say anything. Please," he interrupted, afraid you were about to pull back, to tell him something witty that drives the moment away from him.

But you tangled your fingers in his tousled black hair, stopped at the nape of his neck and pulled him in for a deeper kiss, teeth clashing and breath hitching, both of you desperate to tell each other without words what you couldn't yet say to each other.

"I really, really like when it rains," he murmured against your lips. "In fact, whenever it rains I go for a walk. Same with snow. I used to be a choir boy and used to stay up all night reading the Percy Jackson books."

You began to laugh heartily into his mouth, his hand was cupping the side of your face, as he pressed feathery kisses to your lips in between choppy phrases spoken frantically.

"I like pastries and ice cream," he laughed a little at himself, but held you firmly to his body, as if for support. "I like to play slow music when I feel stressed. I like midnight walks when I feel lost."

His fingers clenched lightly around your hair, his face scrunching up to fight the uneasiness of sharing stuff about him with you.

"I also like to drive. Whenever I need to think I drive somewhere. I think that's why I related to you that night we first talked on the rooftop," he murmured hastily, as if trying to get the words out before he couldn't contain himself. "You have your rooftop, I drive my car."

You smiled against his lips, feebly trying not to cry from the flood of feelings that overwhelmed you.

"I..." he faltered for a second. "I really like sleeping next to you. I like doing normal stuff with you, not just sex—cooking, doing the dishes, grocery runs, all of it. I really like doing the laundry, we can do that together someday, would you like that?"

"I'd love that, Joshua," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly.

"Yeah? I also want you to go to more of my concerts, I liked seeing you singing in the crowd," he muttered with a strangled sigh.

"Just tell me when and I'll be there," you replied, completely enthralled by him.

"I don't know right now, just—I... want to be there when you publish your book," he mumbled, swallowing hard.

Joshua didn't let you give him a reply, he kissed you again, afraid of his own emotions, afraid of what you would say. He felt vulnerable and he didn't like it.

But you saw that. You could see it in the way he struggled to get the words out. And you understood that so well, better than anyone.

So you followed the kiss, feeling elated, almost to the point that your knees threatened to give out, but his arm held you tightly close to his own body.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" he asked both gruffly and dazedly. "I think there's a live jazz band or something."

"We're a little late for dinner, I think. And we've been listening to the band all along," you told him with a faint chuckle.

"Really?" he responded aloofly. "Then, in that case, can I take you home? Or do you still want to look around?"

"You can take me home," you replied, caressing his cheek with a thumb.

"Sleep together?" he mused with a small grin that didn't fully show his teeth.

"I'd love that," you replied, melting at seeing his smile, turning his eyes into crescent moons.

"Okay," he whispered, letting himself be overtaken by the unrested feeling in his chest. "Let's go then."

And true to his word, the tension in Joshua's features had relaxed, and he almost looked excited when you got back to your apartment. He quickly went to him to grab a change of clothes and his toothbrush.

"Hey, you're back," Seokmin welcomed him as Joshua pushed to his apartment's door. "How did it go?"

Joshua came back from his bedroom with his arms full of clothes and a hand grabbing his toothbrush.

"I suppose it went well?" Seokmin let out a low chuckle as Joshua nodded and walked to the door. "Just try to be quiet tonight? I really do need a peaceful night's sleep."

"Sure thing," Joshua muttered, totally not listening.

When he came back to your apartment, you seemed to be tidying up your bedroom a bit. It didn't need tidying but it was a fixation of yours, since you were trying to hide your nervousness away.

"Hey," you muttered. "That was fast."

"I just needed a few things," he shrugged, but in fact, he didn't want to waste a second with you. "Besides, it takes like thirty seconds to get to my room from your apartment."

"Oh, that reminds me!" you almost jumped from where you stood in your bedroom and hurried to your little studio and came back with a naked manuscript, handing it out to him with a smile. "Here."

"Is this what I think it is?" Joshua took the very heavy pile of white sheets all neatly bound with stitches. "Did you bind it yourself?"

"I did. How did you know?" you asked bewildered.

"Just a guess," he smiled softly, wrapping a hand on the sewn binding and tuning the first blank page to find the working title of your book.

He turned the second page, where he found a handwritten note in your hand that read:

dedication: to...

"Is this annotated too?" his widened eyes turned to yours and you nodded eagerly. "This is so cool," he sighed.

But not only that, as he turned the next page, he also found small doodles on the corners, next to side annotations.

"I'll give you a full review when I'm back," he smirked.

"You will? I'd love that Joshua," you cooed softly, and he finally tore his eyes from your manuscript, left it aside on the nightstand and wrapped an arm around you.

"Of course I will, baby," he pressed his lips on the tip of your nose.

When it was time to go to bed, it felt like another world to be so comfortable and normal with each other. It almost turned his stomach when he couldn't help but feel a crushing affection for you.

He brushed his teeth at the same time you did, pushed each other to use the sink, and laughed together. When it was time to put on pyjamas, he simply undressed, keeping only his briefs on, and smiled at your bunny pyjamas.

You yanked the covers of your bed open and climbed on one side of the bed, looking at him expectantly. Joshua took the space beside you, slipping an arm beneath your body to drag you close to his chest, hugging you snuggly. 

You caressed his bare chest with one hand, over the red hickeys and the older brown ones and smiled softly. Your hand trailed up to the side of his face and craned your neck to reach his lips with your own.

He breathed out in both pleasure and bliss to kiss you so tenderly, both so tired to even go past kisses but wanting to.

"G'night Joshua," you whispered in his lips, pressing one final one before snuggling your face against his chest.

"Good night, bunny," he muttered, kissing the crown of your head before closing his eyes himself. 

In the morning, you woke up first to find him sleeping beside you. Your stomach twisting nervously as soon as you laid eyes on his relaxed features.

He was lying face up, so you had enough space to rest the side of your head on his chest, which he felt and lazily threw an arm around you, his fingers reaching for your head to tangle in your hair.

"You talked a lot last night, sweetheart," he muttered with a light laugh.

"Oh, god," you sighed. "'m sorry."

"Don't worry. It was fun," he responded with ease. 

"What did I say this time?" you darted a look to his face, his eyes were close and seemed to be half asleep still.

"I couldn't get anything this time. Well, just one word," he laughed and that seemed to shake him awake.

"Which was...?"

"Jellyfishes," he muttered and giggled softly.

"Pfft," you huffed with a smile. "Oh, god. Really?"

"Mmm-huh," he hummed softly, his sweet voice reverberating in his chiseled chest.

"Sorry, Josh," you mumbled.

"I like it, bunny," he muttered lazily.

Truth be told he almost took his phone and recorded you talking in your sleep. But he refrained since it was just a crazed desire that might be misunderstood deeply.

"M'kay," you hummed.

"I have rehearsals in a couple of hours," he mentioned with reluctance. "But I want to see you before I leave tomorrow, is that okay?"

You lifted your head to see his face, he blinked lazily at you, his face relaxed and when his eyes locked on yours, he smiled slightly.

"Yeah, of course it is okay," you replied. "You don't have to ask that."

"Mmm," he hummed thoughtfully but then, he asked. "Do you like French toast?"

Joshua cooked breakfast humming a joyful tune and you helped in what you could against his protests. But he couldn't help but feel elated at you being beside him, helping him cook breakfast.

When it was time for him to go, he leaned back on your door, before opening it so you could cup his face with your hands and kiss him tenderly. He didn't want to go, he wanted to spend all day in bed with you, making out with you, fucking you silly and then taking care of you.

"I'll call you when I'm free, okay?" he muttered in your lips, his heart going crazy when you swiped a line on his lower lip with the tip of your tongue.

"Okay," you replied, pressing more kisses on his lips, making him giggle.

"If you're going to be like this every time I go away, I think I'm just going to go away more often," he joked.

"Shuddup, Joshua," you whined, slapping his shoulder playfully.

"Alright, alright," he giggled sweetly.

"See you in a bit, then?" you asked in a high pitched tone, which he made note of.

"Yeah. See you in a bit, baby," he returned the smile to you, before grazing your cheek with his knuckles to then lean down to kiss you goodbye and turned to leave.

"Joshuji, you haven't been sleeping well?"

Joshua looked over at Jeonghan, who was ravishing a plate of fried rice with a focused expression in his face.

"Why you ask?" he frowned, the question came out of nowhere, since they had been chatting over seemingly nothing important a minute ago.

"Your eyes look swollen," his best friend replied, rubbing the air in front of his own eyes. "Have you been crying?"

"What. No, Han," he shook his head. "I just had a long night, that's all."

"Mmm," he hummed and nodded his head, his fluffy dark hair dangling in his forehead.

Joshua wasn't lying. He really did have a long night. Not by choice, though, he just felt really restless. With upcoming concerts, rehearsals and pending conversations with you, he couldn't find peace in his thoughts.

Rehearsal was totally botched by his inability to focus, because no matter what he did, his thoughts would revert back to you.

[18:21 PM] bunny: I'm still in the middle of this book interview, I'll let you know as soon as it's over. 😊

Jeonghan's eyes narrowed when the phone buzzed on the table and Joshua practically jerked awake from his daydream and his hand flew to look at his screen.

"Who's that?" his best friend inquired.

"No one," Joshua muttered quickly.

He had asked you an hour ago if you were free for him to go see you. And as always, you were in the middle of something. You did tell him in passing that you had a live stream with a popular pair of content creators that invited you to talk about your upcoming book.

[18:21 PM] bunny: Maybe by 8 pm. Is that okay with you?  [18:21 PM] bunny: I don't know yet. They were wrapping up half an hour ago but still going 🫥 [18:21 PM] bunny: They're not even asking me things anymore. They're talking to each other  [18:21 PM] bunny: I think it's good that I don't have to show my face 'cause the don't see me texting you

Joshua smiled, but his joy was cut short when Jeonghan's head blocked Joshua's line of view, taking a peek at the phone in his hands.

"Stop it, Han," he muttered, pushing the smaller man out of the way.

"Oh, you have a girlfriend!" Jeonghan cooed, then stopped and his shoulders went slack. "Wait, you have a girlfriend? Since when? And how did that happen?"

"I don't have a girlfriend," he replied tiredly. "Mind your business."

Jeonghan chuckled. "Oooh, I see," he muttered and resumed eating his food.

But his best friend said nothing else. And that might have sent Joshua on a spiral.

"What?" he muttered reluctantly.

"Nothing, nothing," Jeonghan responded, looking at his food.

"Tell me," he pushed.

"Is this what's got you in a bad mood?" Jeonghan's lithe fingers pushed the empty plate on the table.

"Like what?"

He shrugged. "Impatient. Barely touching your food, barely talking."

That much was true, as well. His plate was still half full, and he was not a man to leave food on his plate, but he simply did not have the appetite to keep eating.

"It's just—I'm sorry, Han," Joshua muttered and sighed heavily. "I can't think straight. You're right, I didn't sleep last night."

Jeonghan breathed a low chuckle. "Ah, I'm always right, Shuji," he joked but faltered when Joshua sent him a dark stare. "You wanna talk about it?"

Joshua dropped his chopsticks and pressed his elbows on the table. "No. I don't know—I haven't told anyone about this."

Jeonghan dropped his playful act upon seeing the torn expression on Joshua's face.

"What's wrong?" Jeonghan's serene brown eyes studied Joshua briefly. "Something bad happened?"

"No, not at all," he shook his head briefly. "I don't know."

Joshua sighed and called for the bill.

"You're not gonna tell me?" Jeonghan asked in bewilderment.

"No. Fuck, I don't know. I can't focus," Joshua's transfixed eyes landed on the table before him.

"Pfft," Jeonghan leaned back on the chair. "I'm exhausted of being everyone's therapist. No wait, scratch that, I hate that I have to fucking wait until you explode and have no one else to run to but me."

Joshua met his eye for the first time. "Oh, you're for sure not talking about me," he chuckled darkly. "Fine, I'll tell you but you're going to shut your mouth until I'm done talking."

Jeonghan followed Joshua out of the restaurant after they had paid the bill.

"I'm listening," he pressed.

"I'm... seeing someone," Joshua muttered, and felt every cell in his body protest against continuing. "God, this is insane."

He stopped abruptly on the sidewalk, making Jeonghan bump shoulders with him.

"I need a drink," he blurted, running a hand over his black hair.

Jeonghan looked wearily at his friend. "Let's go to mine. It's closest," he nodded towards the end of the street.

Jeonghan handed him a short glass with whisky on the rocks.

"Thanks, man," Joshua muttered, frowning a little over his best friend's hospitality.

"Don't mention it," Jeonghan said, popping a can of beer.

Joshua took a large gulp of whisky and slid the empty glass on the coffee table. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees.

"I don't know how else to say it," Joshua muttered, still wearing an empty expression on his face.

"Just say it," Jeonghan shrugged. "How bad can it be?"

"I'm fucking my next door neighbour," he blurted, cringing internally at every word, scrunching up his face.

The ice-cubes in Joshua's now emptied whisky glass shifted and for a whole minute that was the only thing he heard after muttering those words.

Joshua's big doe eyes lifted from the emptiness and found an expressionless Jeonghan.

"That's not bad," he said finally with a shrug. "Is she married or... why are you so pent up about it?"

"No, she's single. She's... driving me insane," he dropped his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes harshly.

"Why? I don't get it," he heard his best friend ask.

"It started two months ago. And I didn't think it would lead anywhere, I really thought she would just get tired of me and–," he sighed and brushed his hand over the air as if trying to push you out of his mind.

"I'm getting the bottle, hold on," Jeonghan said, rising from his sofa.

Jeonghan brought the whole bottle to the fancy coffee table he had in the middle of his living room. The apartment was obnoxiously large and every piece of furniture looked carefully selected. Like the coffee table in front of Joshua's knees.

"Thanks," Joshua said as he downed his second glass of whisky.

Joshua was particularly resilient when it came to drinking. So he wasn't worried about getting drunk. He could keep going all night if he wanted to.

But no, he made a promise to go see you first.

Joshua let out a sharp breath when the whisky warmed his throat.

"At first it was just casual sex, just fun. But it's becoming more serious lately and I don't know how to stop," he blurted the last words with a clenched jaw.

Jeonghan waited, perhaps because he didn't know what to say or because he saw that his friend was still gathering his thoughts.

"I don't know what to do," he concluded in a faint murmur, running the tip of his finger over the rim of his glass.

And like a work of magic, his phone started buzzing again, vibrating furiously against the glass table.

Joshua frowned, looking deeply obfuscated at the phone screen. You were calling him.

"You're not going to get that?" Jeonghan said, evidently knowing that it was you who was calling, since Joshua's display had that photo he took of you and your contact read only one word: 'bunny'.

"Yeah," his voice was rendered to a whisper. "Give me one minute."

Jeonghan nodded and stood up from the sofa, pretending to be busy himself elsewhere.

"Hi there," you told him and he could tell immediately that you were in a chipper mood than usual.

"Hi bunny," Joshua muttered, a smile instantly spreading on his lips. "How was the interview?"

"It was fine. It's just a pair of kids with a bunch of questions about the book. They were fun, it dragged on, though," he could hear you munching on something while you talked to him.

"Mm, yeah. I noticed," he muttered, his eyes briefly scanning his surroundings to make sure Jeonghan was out of earshot. His friend was nowhere to be seen.

"And you? How was your thing with your friend? Are you home right now? Why don't you come over and we talk here?" he could almost picture your sweet smile and the way you act shy when you prompt him to do something.

"I'm at his house right now," he replied shortly.

"Oh, really? What are you guys doing? Am I interrupting?" you asked nervously.

"We're actually talking about you," Joshua smiled deviously despite himself.

"What—no you're not. Stop playing or I'm hanging up," you said and that reminded him why he was in this mess.

He played too far.

"Can I call you in an hour, bunny?" Joshua asked abruptly.

"Sure. Let me know if you're coming by later, will you?" you asked. "I want to see you before you leave."

"I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye," he muttered and could feel his own face contorting into a frown.

"I'll hold you to that statement," you sighed into his ear and he knew you were smiling.

"You won't have to, baby," he lowered his head as he spoke to the phone in a low tone, as though he didn't want the walls to hear him. "I promise."

"Alright. I'll leave you with your friend. See you in a bit, then?"

Joshua smiled when he heard what appeared to be a new tradition between you two.

"See you in a bit, bunny," he muttered and hung up.

Joshua looked around again, but this time he found Jeonghan standing in the open kitchen, eyes big, mouth wide open in a smile. Because of course he was listening. Was he hiding all this time? Joshua imagined his best friend hiding behind the kitchen counters.

Joshua let out a heavy sigh and returned to his position of hiding his face in his large hands.

"You are down horrendous," his best friend punctuated each word.

"Fuck off," Joshua bit back, his voice muffled by the palms of his hands.

Jeonghan returned to his sofa, curling into a ball. His friend looked shocked, but almost giddy. Like a child seeing fireworks for the first time.

"Seriously, Joshua," his jaw dropped a little. "Why are you here? I thought you were all wind up because you wanted to end things with her. But here you are, actually whipped."

"I am not whipped. I can't believe you were eavesdropping," he groaned in defeat. "I'm here because I can't find an appropriate way to tell her."

"What, you don't know how to speak your mind?" his friend asked, sounding dumbfounded. "That's a first. Why can't you just man up and tell her? By the way you talked to her I can only assume it's mutual."

Was it mutual, though? Every time he tried to initiate the conversation or said something remotely romantic or affectionate you seemed to turn away from him and change the conversation. 

"I don't know if it is—mutual, I mean," Joshua declared and a shudder shook his bones. "I've tried to tell her, but it's never the right time. It's confusing. It happened so fast and I wish I could've done things differently with her."

"Leave then," Jeonghan shrugged with ease. "Don't waste your time and hers. You know better than that, Shuji."

"I know, I know," he muttered with a weary sigh and slowly rose from the sofa, dragging every inch of his body up. "Wish me luck."

Jeonghan followed him with his inquisitive eyes. "You'll do the right thin—you fucker, you're not planning on following through with this?"

Joshua's cheeky smile gave him away fast.

"Fuck, you're going to regret this," his friend followed him out the spacious apartment. "Well, you know where to find me."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the drink, Han."

When he finally got to your door, he thought of all the times he's stood there, all the times you answered—and the times you didn't. It felt to him like he spent more time standing outside your door than in his own apartment.

"Hi bunny," he smiled when his eyes landed on your face.

He suddenly forgot his hysterical episode earlier. He forgot everything he was planning to tell you. Something inside him wondered when the time would come when he would stand in front of your door to tell you that he is falling in love with you. But he could push all his feelings away.

All to have another night with you.

Even if it killed him a little.

✮ a/n: hellooo! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

so

so

i'm sorry this chapter was so long!!! i had so much fun writing from joshua's pov and it just went out of my hands — this fic is so self-indulgent i love it

so if you liked this part please let me know? (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

happy new years everyoneeee! ilyyy

READ PART 6

– join my taglist!

[icallhimjoey]

Here I come with a request after i’ve fallen in love with your writing …. How about something inspired by the song Black Treacle from the arctic monkeys? Like maybe you just moved to London in an apartment and you go up to the roof for a smoke or fresh air one night and … none other than Joe is up there, smoking ?

Again i looooove how you write, it just the perfect thing for us thirty somethings ❤️

okay SO, thank you for this request, it made my brain go SCHLOOMP and it's the first request ive done in a good while so, look what you did! (also sorry if its bad) Wordcount: 3.5K

---

Sticky Skies

Joe knew he was in trouble when he turned down hanging with a friend because it would collide with his balcony moment. Your balcony moment. He realised then, when he stayed home for it and you didn't show that night, that it had become a problem.

It took a while for it to settle within him, because for too long, he'd just wanted to believe he was being totally normal about you. His neighbour. His cute, pretty, witty neighbour that he somehow never seemed to run into outside of the moments you spent on your balconies together.

It started weeks ago. Months, if he was really honest, and he'd grown addicted way too fast. He didn't even count the first few times when you'd just smiled at each other and nothing more but a hey, or a good night, would pass your lips besides the cigarette smoke.

That first time, you'd opened the your door to an empty balcony, and immediately closed your jacket tighter around your body at the feel of the cold air. When you turned to close the door, you jumped a little when you saw your neighbour right next to you on his balcony. The banisters of either balcony might as well not have been there, if you placed two chairs next to the sides, you would practically be sharing a bench. You were close enough to touch just standing there, and so you did, out of politeness, and shook hands as you introduced yourselves.

Your neighbour seemed friendly. He had a kind face, nice hair and... big hands. None of it intimidating. Actually quite the opposite. He wore posh clothes, but, they didn't fit him right, which only made him more approachable.

Amazing. You had a kind neighbour! One that also looked... good. Hot? Good. Definitely good.

You'd only just moved in and still had get to get furniture for out there, so you leant against the cold metal, facing the door to your flat, and saw Joe copy you even though he had chairs, a small bench, a table and even a bike out on his balcony.

It was a little awkward, you didn't really say anything, but you also didn't bury yourself into your phone - neither of you did. You just stood, and smoked silent cigarettes and you stared at your own reflection in the window and would occasionally look up at the black night skies and blow up cigarette smoke into it.

It happened like that a few times, until one evening, you went out and Joe was out there too, and he immediately commented on the new chairs you'd placed outside earlier that day.

"You got chairs!"

You huffed a laugh through your nostrils, smiled and said, "I did!" before you sat down. "They're insanely uncomfortable for the price I paid," you followed in the same chipper upbeat voice, and laughed at yourself.

"They look nice, though, expensive," Joe blew out smoke and gestured behind him at all of his outdoor furniture, "This is all trash,"

You took a better look, nodded and said, "It looks it," which made Joe laugh.

Exchanging pleasantries in the dark, only illuminated by the lights from inside your flats, you smoked cigarettes and got to know each other better. You told Joe you worked in an office as an administrative assistant, very exciting stuff. Joe said he did something similar and then said he was an actor, which made you go, "Oh yea, totally the same thing, wow, we have so much in common," and you'd both laughed.

You knew the amount of rent you paid, so you immediately accused Joe of either being famous or a big fat liar, and he'd just said, "I'm sure you'll figure it out.".

So, famous, you concluded. Definitely famous.

Quick late night cigarettes on your adjoining balconies slowly turned from 5-minute quick before bed smokes to long two-hour conversations every night. You shared cigarettes if one of you ran out, would sometimes even pass the same cig back and forth for a bit, and had moved seats into the corners of your balconies so you essentially sat next to each other and talked through the metal spindles.

Joe told you about the other neighbours in your building, quietly, so none of them heard, and filled you in on who filled the halls with amazing smelling food, who would steal packages if you left them out too long, who had sex the loudest, and who complained about it the most.

You told Joe about why you'd moved into the building, about a relationship ending because your old flatmate shagged him behind your back for weeks.

Joe was shocked, said the same thing happened to him a couple of years ago. You cheersed cigarettes through the spindles, toasted to people being awful, and deemed the building you lived in the perfect spot for the heartbroken.

Right after, you both said you were actually fine, didn't want the other to think you were sad and lonely, because you didn't feel sad or lonely at all. But then neither of you mentioned that these late night cigarette chats were kind of the reason why.

"It really is a nice place, it's just... it's such a trek from the tube," you complained.

"It's a 15 minute walk," Joe chuckled.

"Not with these little legs!" to demonstrate, you took teeny tiny little quick steps around your balcony with straight legs, very obviously overdoing it for the bit.

"Is that how you walk?" Joe laughed and instantly copied you. "How do you still have functioning knees?"

If him shuffling across his balcony like an idiot didn't make you laugh, his facial expression sure did it.

It became a special thing, your balcony moments with Joe. Something you started looking forward to.

On especially cold nights, you'd drag a blanket out, and after about a month of talking, you saw Joe shiver and pushed one end of the blanket through the slats. It was a little awkward, and you both had to curl your legs up onto your seats to make it work, but then, it covered the two of you perfectly. When, after about an hour, Joe went inside to make the both of you some tea that he passed to you over the banisters, you ended up outside for far longer than you'd anticipated.

But Joe was just your neighbour, and you couldn't remember ever running into him outside. You hadn't exchanged numbers, or ever spoke about what time you'd meet again the next day - it was always accidental, sometimes right after dinner, other times just before bed, and you liked how even without setting anything up, you always found each other to end the day together.

Joe was also good looking. And very funny. Which, you know, helped.

When the temperatures softened a little, and spring slowly pushed more time into the evenings, you found yourself sitting outside just to catch the nice sunsets.

Joe caught you outside in your pyjamas, fuzzy socks, hair high up on your head and your face covered in a sheet-mask.

"Pfffff," Joe was immediately laughing at the sight of you as you were using the tips of your fingers to push the edges of the mask back onto your skin to make sure they stuck.

"Who are you and what have you done to my lovely neighbour?!"

"Yea, all right, laugh all you like," you said through narrowed eyes. "I'm going to look amazing after this, all hydrated, so moisturized," you mused and saw Joe quirk an eyebrow as he lit a cigarette. Then you saw his fingers absentmindedly find a dry patch of skin between his brows to rub at, and a smirk grew on your face.

"Hang on," you said and darted inside only to emerge seconds later, two hands unfolding another sticky sheet mask.

"Come here," you said, beckoning Joe closer to the banister with your head, and even though Joe frowned a little, he obliged and stepped closer.

"This is gonna be cold and gooey, but trust me, it'll be so nice after,"

Joe leant forward a little, cigarette held back as he closed his eyes, wholly accepting that you were about to touch his face. "Ooh that feels disgusting," he immediately commented through tight lips. "Don't talk! You'll get it in your mouth!" you said, unable to hold your giggles back.

Your fingertips softly tapped and pressed the wet fabric over every single inch of Joe's face, and Joe forgot to breathe for a moment.

You noticed how long Joe's eyelashes were, and had to be extra careful to make sure they wouldn't get trapped underneath the mask.

"Mmmh, this is like a massage," Joe said after a little while, eyes still closed, now smiling.

It was nice, being so close to Joe, having him be so open to letting you touch him all over. It made you spent way too long applying the sheet, passing your tapping finger tips all over his face twice. Cheekbones, browbones, hairline, jawline, his nose... Joe's face was nice.

You spent the rest of the night both wearing white sheet-masks, Joe trying his best not to get any of the liquid onto his cigarette until it had all dried, and you trying not to giggle every time you looked at him.

The next day, a loud knock echoed throughout your living room after you'd just walked in after work and you opened the balcony door to find Joe leaning over with a bowl of pasta.

"Here," he passed it to you, his face not giving anything away.

"Ooh, what's this?" you accepted immediately and sat down before Joe passed you a fork.

"I made too much and I'm out of town for the next four days, so I hoped I'd get you before you'd had any dinner,"

You were already munching and groaned at how great it tasted. Fuck, Joe was a good cook. This was a very welcome and a skillfully casual way of letting you know Joe wasn't going to be joining you for late night cigarettes for a few days.

"This is so great, I had an awful day but... what the fuck, I can't even remember what happened,"

Joe smiled warmly and sat down with a bowl of his own.

"Talk to me," he then said. "Why was your day so bad?"

"I honestly can't remember," you laughed, obviously joking.

For a moment you ate in silence, and then, you unleashed everything. Talked through all the shitty things. The lack of communication at work. Your new shoes that gave you blisters. The deadlines that were impossible. And Joe just listened. Ate his pasta and encouraged you to take bites in between your rambling. Joe kind of loved it. Felt like he was taking care of you a little. Fed you. Let you get all of your frustrations out. There was something cute about you when you got all worked up. He also didn't mind how you talked with your mouth full of his food. Gross, he knew, but he was weirdly into it. Couldn't explain it if he tried.

When you finished the food and your rant, you passed Joe his bowl back and asked, "Beer?" and Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure," before you both disappeared inside for a second, gathered whatever you needed for a full evening on the balcony together.

This was just what you did now. It was almost like having a flatmate. One that you didn't share your actual flat with, which, with your previous flatmate experience, was actually very nice.

You stayed out until the skies were pitch black, like molasses. You stayed out until you started getting noise complaints from neighbours, because Joe's voice carried, and your laugh was too loud. You stayed out until the temperatures dropped so much, you didn't really want to have your hands outside of your sleeves anymore.

You started noticing it was never Joe who would go inside first. It was always you who went, well, gotta get up early tomorrow.

Joe liked it too much.

None of his friends had a neighbour like he did. Sure, they had people they'd see outside in the hallways or down near the postboxes, and they'd say hi, were polite. Would sometimes run into them in the supermarket and say hi then too. But that wasn't what you and Joe had going. You'd become a very specific kind of friends. Neighbours who knew too much about each other not to at least be considered friends, Joe was sure.

And, okay, so you'd flirt with each other. But what was the big deal? There was always a banister that divided you. A barrier that you hadn't yet crossed, and Joe would wonder, would it still be like this if he did cross that barrier? He'd fantasize of going 'round and ringing your doorbell to spend an evening inside on your sofa, where it'd be warm and cozy. Or he'd dream of inviting you over for dinner instead of having to pass you a bowl of food with a weak excuse that you'd eat outside with metal spindles in between the two of you.

You never talked about dating. About your romantic lives. Joe kind of hoped the reason was that there wasn't anything to talk about. So, cue his surprise when on a Sunday evening, he caught you through the window, from the corner of his eye, on your balcony, with a man. He was just out of view from inside his flat, which was good. Joe didn't need to actually see him to know what kissing looked like.

The lack of stars that night should've warned him.

Surprised at the painful stab in his heart, Joe decided to get out. Head out, to the pub, maybe. See if some of his friends were about. He didn't need to stay inside with you out there, making out with someone that wasn't him.

Shit.

He desperately needed that to be him.

That night he let his friends talk him into confronting you tomorrow. Friends that hadn't understood this bond that Joe had with his neighbour. And then, when other friends asked him to hang out that next day, he said he couldn't, because he had plans.

But then you didn't step out onto your balcony all night, and Joe knew then, this wasn't normal.

Oh man. Joe was in serious trouble.

He imagined this is what having an addiction must feel like, where it starts interfering with your day-to-day life. Where you start saying no to seeing friends because you had secret other things to do by yourself. Like, staying out late stood on your own balcony to maybe hopefully accidentally meet your hot neighbour that you had a big fat crush on. You know, shit like that.

Joe purposefully didn't go outside for a few nights after that. Didn't need to be confronted by your absence, or your presence for that matter. Not if it was going to be you and someone else, again.

But then he had dinner out there in the sunlight with a friend and he realised how stupid he'd been.

He could be out on his balcony all day and all night if he wanted.

This was his spot.

He'd used it for smoking his cigarettes long before you'd moved in next door.

And so when a week later, he'd set up the little bench with pillows, a nice throw blanket and a fat glass of wine, he was all ready for a nice, relaxing time on his balcony by himself when suddenly, your door opened.

You made eye-contact, and for a second, you contemplated going back inside.

"Hey," Joe said when the silence lingered a little too long.

"Hi, sorry. Hi," you immediately apologised for being weird before stepping out fully and fumbling with shaky fingers to light a cigarette.

Joe eyed you carefully, and then asked if you were all right.

"Don't ask, I'll cry," you said, and chuckled humourlessly.

You kind of hoped that Joe would make a joke, would waltz right over everything, make you forget about the guy you thought might be one to stick around for a little while, if not longer, only to ghost you after you'd let him sleep over.

Men were dicks.

You needed Joe to say something dumb, to make you laugh, and then you'd be able to swiftly move on and forget about it forever.

Instead Joe got up and with his cigarette in his mouth, used both his arms to beckon you over to the banister.

You hesitated, and Joe removed his cigarette as he leant his hips against the metal bars. "Come on, in you come," and when you took a small careful step closer, Joe knew you'd be just within reach so he bent at the waist and grabbed at you with both hands, pulling you in for a hug.

It was so stupid, but you tensed under Joe's embrace and patiently waited for it to be over. Hugs between neighbours should only last two, maybe three seconds, right?

"Oh my God, relax!" Joe instructed, rubbing a flat palm strongly over your back, pushing you more into him and you exhaled. Loudly and all exaggerated. It was enough for Joe to pull back, but then he took hold of your arms and ducked down slightly to force eyecontact.

"I've got good wine," Joe then offered, eyebrows scrunched and lips spread into a caring smile.

"Ugh, yes, wine would be great," you let your shoulders slump, and Joe moved his cigarette back into his mouth before he turned to go and get you a glass.

Upon his return he nearly dropped it when he saw what you were about to do.

With one leg already flung over the banisters, you were about to hop up and fling your other leg over as well.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Stop!"

You froze, one leg dangling and Joe quickly set the glass down before you could change your mind and climb over further.

"We're on the 4th floor, are you actually joking?!" Joe's hands found your waist and he held you with strong fingers as he gently pushed you back onto your own balcony. "This is so dangerous,"

The space between your balconies was minimal, but definitely there.

"I just wanted to-" you started, and pointed behind Joe, at his bench that was laid out with nice pillows and soft blankets.

"Walk around, idiot! We have doors!" Joe interrupted, and the loudness of his voice made you flinch a little.

For a second, you and Joe just looked at each other, you now back on your own balcony, but Joe's hands still firmly holding onto your waist.

Joe then sighed, said, "Wait," and stepped back.

"Catch,"

Joe threw one of the pillows over - a risky move, you weren't the best catcher, but this one almost hit your right in the face. Joe then, much more sensibly, handed you more pillows over the banisters and instructed you to place all of them onto your chairs. The blanket followed, and then, the wine glasses.

And like Joe hadn't just told you off for trying to climb from your balcony onto his, Joe gracefully hopped and swung both legs over, landing on both feet like he'd done that a million times before. You were about to argue, let him know how unfair it was for him to not let you climb over and then deciding that jumping over himself was fine, but Joe was already arranging the pillows in your chairs.

You watched Joe move about, then before he sat down with his own glass of wine in hand, he handed you yours and told you to sit as well.

After working with one hand to drape the blanket over the both of you, you kind of looked at Joe a little bewildered.

Okay, so many not all men were dicks.

"So, will you actually cry if I ask you what's the matter?" Joe asked into his wineglass before taking a sip.

"I might," you said truthfully, but tried to dress it up as a joke. It didn't land.

"Will you let me comfort you if you do?"

"I might," you said again, this time much softer, something positive hidden within your voice.

Joe thought back to his friends who'd convinced him to just be honest with you, and he glanced up at the night sky. Black, more like black treacle than tar, with enough stars visible to persuade him to actually go ahead and do it.

He looked at your wineglass, clinked it with his own, sat back and shifted in his seat until he was comfortable.

"So," he smiled warmly, and continued, "What's wrong?"

----

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @alana4610 @emmamooney @sadbitchfangirl @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @thefemininemystiquee @hauntingbastille @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-joey @alizztor @thelostmoonofpooosh @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

You Ain’t Woman Enough [To Take My Man]

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader

Characters: Elvis Presley, Reader, Original Female Character, Can be Kathy Westmoreland if you want

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4106

Summary: You’ve come to tell me something, you say I ought to know.

Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Reader Has A Name, Marriage, Cheating, Adultery, Affairs, Serial Cheating, Kissing, Nudity, Shower Stuff, Guilt, Angst, Hell Hath No Fury etc etc, Song Fic, You Ain’t Woman Enough [To Take My Man] // Loretta Lynn

Notes: Ive decided to use actual names instead of YN in these reader Fics x

ELVIS MASTERLIST // SONG LINK // HALLOWEEN MASTERLIST

The suite was quiet as you entered, almost perfectly still just as your husband had left it. The curtains were closed though you doubted they’d even been opened today and the air conditioning was on making the room a crisp sixty-eight degrees. It made you shiver. After all, you had spent weeks back at home alone getting used to being in rooms that didn’t feel like a meat locker. Still, as the goosebumps formed on your flesh and the scent of his cologne hit your nostrils you were happy to be there. As you moved through the room you noticed your suitcase had already made it upstairs and though you knew you only had a small amount of time to get downstairs before Elvis went back on for his second show you didn’t find yourself rushing. No, even though you were happy to be reunited after weeks apart you wanted to at least look presentable so you heaved your suitcase up onto the bed so that you could rifle through it. However you had only managed to pull a couple of items out when you heard the door open and expecting it to be one of the boys you turned around ready to tell them you’d not be long. Yet when you looked around you found it wasn’t one of the boys at all, it was another woman, one you didn’t recognise.

She crept in, straightening up once she turned around and found you watching her, a blush on her sun-kissed cheeks.

‘Oh sorry,’ she mumbled, ‘I didn’t know anyone was in here.’

‘It’s fine. Can I help you?’ you replied.

‘No, it’s um nothing,’ she said dropping her gaze to the floor as she ran a hand through her blown-out brunette locks, ‘it’s fine I was just-’

‘Looking for Elvis?’ you asked which finally made her bright blue eyes snap up to meet yours, guilt swimming through them as they stared back at you.

‘No, uh,’ she said no doubt scrambling for an excuse yet you were quicker, having been down this road before you had learned to distinguish between the two types of women who circulated around your husband. Those who could be trusted and those who couldn’t. And those who couldn’t all seemed to harbour the same actions whenever you were around, watching you with wide-eyed guilt, dropping their gazes, or feigning stupidity or ignorance. Whether it was for your benefit or theirs you weren’t sure but sometimes, when Elvis wasn’t around, you grew tired of it. You grew tired of pretending not to know why a woman would be sneaking into your husband's private suite, not when you knew that there was no way your husband would’ve allowed her to come anywhere near his room tonight. No, he would’ve orchestrated it so that your paths never crossed which meant that her presence here was of her own choosing and so you decided to do away with pretences.

‘So what are you doing in his suite then? You’re aware it’s private, right?’ you challenged which appeared to make something change inside her, whatever coyness she had been going to attempt disappearing, an attitude in its place. Ah, you realised. She’s one of them. As you had become an expert in fishing out the woman who couldn’t be trusted you had also started to put them into categories. There were the innocent ones, the ones who fell for his charm and charisma like you had many moons ago and even though they knew it was wrong they succumbed all the same, guilt coursing through them at the mere thought of you. There were bold ones, ones who weren’t really expecting whatever they had to go anywhere but were making the most of it whilst they still had his attention. They too had guilt but it was different, rationalised that at the end of the day, he still chose you. And then there were ambitious ones, ones that had fallen for him too but now sought to lay claim. Ones that didn’t feel guilty because in their eyes you were the other woman, the one keeping them from what they wanted. These were the worst of the bunch, mostly because they almost always sought to make it sure that you were aware of their presence. Hence why she was standing in front of you. Indisputable proof.

‘If you must know he asked to see me,’ she said, folding her arms across her chest. You eyed her for a minute, musing over the fact you’d probably seen more fabric on one of your daughter's dolls than she was had on right now though she’d probably spent hours agonising over just what to wear. For both yours and Elvis’s attention presumably. As you finally caught her eye you found she was watching you exasperatedly, no doubt wondering why you hadn't torn into her. Wondering how you could remain calm when both of you knew what was going on. Sometimes you wondered how you could do it yourself but to see how your lack of reaction was getting under her skin you continued, the only words that you offered were, ‘Oh sure.’

‘He did,’ she said snappily making you smile.

‘Honey my husband is many things but he isn't stupid,’ you said moving back to your suitcase so that you could continue unpacking. To come here and goad you was one thing, to distract you from the task at hand was another.

‘What's that supposed to mean?’ she asked.

‘It means that he asked me to come to Vegas today. Do you really think he’d risk having another woman in his room?’ you said, turning around as you folded a dress over your arm. Her face went cold then, any trace of guilt wiped from it confirming your suspicions she had chosen to do this off her own back, ‘no. My bet is you thought now was a good time to come and tell me the truth right?’

You waited, looking at her expectantly as you continued to unpack. When she didn’t say anything, you sighed and said, ‘Well go on then. I haven’t got all day to wait around for whatever you’re gonna say.’

‘Elvis and I are dating,’ she said proudly, a smile tugging at her lips.

‘Is that right?’ you asked, finally stopping in your movements to look at her.

‘Yeah it is,’ she said, ‘have been for a while.’

‘Wow,’ you said sarcastically, ‘and uh, let me guess he loves you? Promised you the world you and you're just here to let me know before it all gets outta hand?’

‘It’s the right thing to do,’ she said.

‘And is dropping your panties for a married man also the right thing to do?’ you asked. You refused to show your irritation outwardly but it didn’t half stick in your craw whenever they laid on the martyr act. The girls-girl only looking out for your best interests, like they had been thinking of you and your family when they’d let him talk his way into their beds.

‘Look I didn’t have to come here. I didn’t have to tell you,’ she started making your irritation crash like a wave inside you, finally seeping out into your tone.

‘Oh but you wanted to right?’ you challenged, ‘that’s why you came looking for me when you knew I’d be here alone. Let me guess you’re just letting me know so I can plan ahead. Bow out gracefully, right?’

‘It’s better than being dumped,’ she scoffed.

‘True,’ you said, ‘but then again that would mean me allowing someone to take what's mine. And I can tell you now that'll happen over my dead body.’

‘He doesn’t love you anymore,’ she snapped.

‘Is that right?’ you mused, genuinely trying not to laugh. You knew it wasn’t funny, the idea of your husband lying beside this twenty-something and filling her head with the idea they had a future yet you couldn’t help but laugh. Because they fell for it every time.

You knew how of course. It was that same silver tongue that had gotten you into his bed, the ring on your finger, the marriage that you had. He had wormed his way into your life the way he did to theirs but there were differences because for all the promises he gave them, he gave you twenty more. For all the times he told them he loved them he made sure you were loved in every way possible. It wasn’t exactly painless, the idea that he could flout your marriage vows so easily would always hurt, but you had learned to deal with it because you knew that they didn’t mean anything, not really. Because time and time again you were the one he chose. Maybe you were a fool to let him. To turn a blind eye to it all. But when it was over, when he’d had his fill of whatever contact or affection he needed he always came back, more the man you married than before.

‘He told me he just wants out,’ she sneered, ‘he just doesn’t want to pay you your money.’

‘Honey,’ you said knowing full well your tone was fully laced with condescension but unable to care, ‘if you believe that you’re dumber than a box of rocks.’

She scoffed at that, her mouth falling into a tight scowl that made it look foreign against her pretty features. You sighed before you said, ‘you think I’m lying? More to the point do you really think you’re the first?’

At that her face flicked with uncertainty, your words calling into question whatever she had assumed to be fact, casting doubt she hadn't anticipated. It was cruel really and if she hadn't been so cocky, so determined to ruin your life, you might’ve even taken pity on her. After all, she was just a kid, one whose head had been filled with nonsense that she was too naïve to see couldn’t possibly be the truth.

‘Do you really think that if he wanted to go he wouldn’t just leave? That if he was so unhappy with me I’d force him to stay? He knows that if he doesn’t want to be in this marriage I sure as hell wont force him to be. And I'm sure whatever money he has to pay for our family he could earn back in a minute,’ you said. Again you watched as pain flicked across her features, guilt finally settling with her at the mention of your kids. Yet you didn’t let up. You refused to, ‘he has no intention of leaving me and whatever yarn he spins to get you into bed is between you and him. Hell darlin’, he’s probably as surprised as I am that it actually works.’

At that you offered a small laugh one that made her brows knit together as she tried to hold back whatever emotions she was feeling in front of you. It almost made you feel sorry for her. Almost. Yet you still needed to make sure she got the picture.

‘Elvis loves me and why his head may get turned every now and then he always comes crawling back, promising it won’t happen again until the next young thing in a tight skirt walks by,’ you said, ‘now a weaker woman would probably give up on him but I’m not weak and I sure as hell ain't gonna step aside and watch you ruin my marriage you hear me?’

She stayed quiet, that scowl still on her face though it looked as though it was holding back whatever she was scared to let burst out of her in front of you. Whether that anger or tears you weren’t sure. If anything you didn’t really care, you had said your piece. Though for whatever reason you felt the tiniest amount of compassion swill in you. After all, you were a seasoned veteran in the game of loving Elvis Presley, didn’t it fall to you to show her the ropes?

‘I will however offer you some advice,’ you said finally turning away from her and continuing with what you were doing before she came in, a slight act of mercy that allowed her to release the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. You heard it come out, shaky and pathetic, before her voice cut it off, her words coming out snarky as she replied, ‘Oh yeah, what's that?’

‘Don’t tell him you came here tonight,’ you said and as you pulled out a stunning blue dress, deciding that would be what you would wear at tomorrow night's show you heard her scoff.

‘Why afraid it’ll make him kick you to the kerb?’ she said, the scowl she had perfected back in full force as you turned around. You didn’t bother moving towards her, instead, you moved to the closet, sliding the door back until your husband’s vast wardrobe was on show, your dress slotting in perfectly next to his clothes, an action that made her eye twitch with irritation.

‘Oh honey,’ you said with a condescending smile, ‘it’s not me I’m scared for.’

And with that final remark she stormed from the room, slamming the door so hard behind her that the sliding door of the closet rattled in its tracks. You however couldn’t bring yourself to offer more than an eyeroll, her actions reminding you of your daughter who had a tendency to pitch a similar style of fit whenever she didn’t get her own way though of course she had the excuse of being three years old. You knew you should probably let it bother you. That the idea of another woman coming to tell you your husband didn’t want you any more should shake you to your core but it didn’t. You refused to let it because if you did it now you'd have to let it every damn time he conceded to be weak. And you refused to be weak too.

After that you busied yourself with unpacking and though you did head downstairs you made sure it was when Elvis was on stage, after all, there were things more interesting to you tonight than your husband's performance. Like finding out just who the girl was. That was how you’d come to find him on stage with her, laughing and joking as if nothing had even happened. And in an instant any thought you’d had about playing nice left your body because you had meant what you said. You weren’t going to stand aside and let her take him but now you were actively going to ensure she didn’t have the chance.

That thought came to you again later that night as you heard him call your name, the bathroom door opening as he said, ‘Lor, ya in here?’

‘In here,’ you called listening as he moved into the bathroom, clothes dropping to the floor as he went before you finally heard the glass door click open and then shut as his naked body slid in behind you, his arms ensnaring your waist.

‘Hi there,’ he mumbled as his lip met your neck.

‘Hi,’ you breathed sinking into him as he peppered kisses along your shoulder before you felt his hand snake down your slippery skin cupping your sex which caused you to shriek, ‘Elvis!’

‘I missed ya,’ he said as if it was your own fault not to have expected it.

‘I can see,’ you giggled wiggling your ass against his cock that was already growing rigid against you.

‘Joe told me you got here in between shows,’ he said his arousal not yet pressing enough that he felt the need to forgo chit-chat, ‘how come ya didn’t come down?

‘Oh I did but you know how it is when you haven’t seen folks in a while. I ended up bumping into people and we just got chatting,’ you said. That wasn’t untrue. You had spoken to some people, using carefully selected questions to get the information you craved without alerting them to what you were up to. You see you hadn’t been lying when you had told her to be careful. After all, you had done this dance a hundred times before and you knew all the steps. You knew if you challenged Elvis about his behaviour it would only get ugly. No, you needed to be smart. To orchestrate the situation so you got what you wanted but he was the one who felt like he had made the decision. And that was a skill you’d become an expert at.

‘Are they more important than me?’ he said and for a moment you were glad you were facing away from him, your expression liable to give you away as you thought about how he prioritised people in his life.

‘Of course not,’ you said, ‘but I knew I’d have you all to myself soon so I figured I’d play nice. Let them have you while they can.’

‘Ever the diplomat,’ he mused, his lips moving back to your neck for a moment. You knew now was the time to broach it, with him happy and pliant coming off the buzz of the show and the excitement of having you back. Yet you needed to do it carefully and so as he kissed you, you picked at your nails, removing the non-existent dirt from under them as you said, ‘but it wasn’t all bad. Actually, I got talking to one of your band members.’

‘Yeah?’ he asked, stopping his actions and resting his chin on your shoulder as he watched you carefully.

‘Yeah I don’t think we’ve met before though,’ you said, ‘they must be new.’

‘Yeah, there’s a couple of new faces around. We lucked onto some good talent for this season,’ he agreed.

‘Mmm, pretty too,’ you said, and though your words were casual you felt him stiffen, ‘I think her name is Kathy?’

‘Oh?’ he asked airily and though you could feel the heat of his blue eyes watching you you kept your face casual.

‘We had a nice chat,’ you said, ‘she told me you’ve really made this gig special.’

‘That right?’ he asked flatly.

‘Mmmhmm,’ you said.

‘Lori,’ he said ruefully.

‘I just think it’s a shame,’ you said continuing as though he hadn't spoken.

‘A shame?’ he asked confused.

‘Yeah well I know I said I didn’t manage to see the show before I came back up here but I caught some of it and well to think of her stuck being backing vocals when she could be great on her own is just a shame. Don’t you think?’ you asked.

‘Yeah,’ he said quietly, ‘yeah you’re right.’

‘I sure think so,’ you agreed. You could feel him hesitate behind you, no doubt trying to figure out exactly what you knew or whether to let it go but after a minute he pulled back and you turned to look at him for the first time since he had gotten in.

‘Everything alright?’ you asked with a frown that forced him to fake a smile and nod.

‘Yeah, I’m gonna get out okay?’ he said.

‘Okay,’ you said, placing a wet hand on his chest that he grabbed, taking it to his lips so he could kiss your fingertips. A feat that brought a genuine smile to your face.

‘Do you want food?’ he asked.

‘Yes please,’ you said.

‘Okay,’ he said leaning in to kiss you properly before he said, ‘take your time. I’ll order for us both.’

‘Okay,’ you smiled.

And then he was gone, moving from the room at lightning speed only just managing to throw a towel around his waist as he headed to the phone, yanking the receiver from its cradle before he punched in the number he wanted rather harshly. It didn’t take long for the line to connect, a sweet young voice saying, ‘hello?’

‘You told my wife?’ he asked in an angry whisper, listening to Kathy as she scrambled to sit up.

‘It wasn’t like that-’ she protested.

‘What the hell did you say to her?’ he snapped.

‘Not much I promise,’ she exclaimed.

‘How could you go behind my back like that?’ he said angrily.

‘But I thought-’

‘What that if you meddled in my business I’d just fall into line? That I’d just up and leave my wife because you’d decided you’d had enough-’

‘No of course not!’ she cried.

‘Because that’s not how this shit works you hear me? And if you don’t get that then maybe I was wrong about you,’ he spat.

‘Elvis,’ she whispered but he was on a roll. Too angry to bother listening.

‘You know what? We’re done,’ he snapped.

‘Elvis-’ he heard her whimper but he had already slammed the phone back onto the hook anger bubbling through him until he heard you say, ‘was that room service?’

‘What?’ he asked turning to find you standing in the bathroom doorway, unaware as to how much you had heard though on the off chance it might have been nothing he said, ‘uh no… the uh line was busy.’

‘Shoot,’ you frowned.

‘It’s okay,’ he said, ‘I’ll call down in a minute.’

You smiled and nodded, padding into the room and climbing into bed dressed in the nightie you had donned in the time since he had left the bathroom. Elvis watched you, wondering how you could be so calm when he was sure that you knew if not all at least some of it. As you offered him a sweet smile he felt his heart tug, the guilt creeping in as it did every time. He moved to throw his towel on a chair in the corner, changing into the pyjamas you’d lovingly laid out for him like the good wife you were. As he slipped in beside you, allowing you to cuddle into him for the first time in weeks, that thought consumed him.

He didn’t know why he did it. How his head could get turned time and time again when you were all he could’ve ever asked for. You were the perfect wife, the perfect mother, a friend, a lover and yet he never felt satisfied. Time and time again he’d think that the grass was greener only to find that they weren’t you. And so he’d come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. At least he used to, now it was this complicated dance the two of you did. The one where you pretended not to know what he had been doing so long as he nipped it in the bud when you asked. It was a flawed system but it was one that seemed to hurt you less. And if he couldn’t stop himself from hurting you, he’d at least try and make it somewhat better. He knew he was weak but he could give you that much. Which is why when you looked at him with knowing eyes and words that hovered around accusation but never landed he knew it was time to move on.

‘You know I’ve been thinkin’,’ he said clearing his throat which made you look up towards him, ‘about what you said.'

‘About what baby?’ you said laughing to yourself how you made fun of his floozies for feigning innocence when you were better at it than any of them.

‘Ka-’ he said stumbling over her name and instead opting for, ‘my backing singer.’

‘Oh?’ you asked, your fingers playing with his chest hair as you waited for him to tell you what you knew was coming.

‘Yeah, you’re right. She’s talented…maybe she’d be better tryin’ to get her own solo thing goin’,’ he said.

‘Oh no doubt,’ you agreed.

‘Maybe I’ll give one of the talent scouts in LA a call tomorrow,’ he said hesitantly, ‘help her out ya know.’

‘Why aren’t you sweet,’ you mused, your nervous heart finally settling as everything clicked into place. You knew it was harsh. You knew that you should’ve just been satisfied with him breaking up with her but as you pictured her smug face, the one that had expected you to roll over you couldn’t help but smile.

‘I just wanna help,’ Elvis said.

‘Well I’m sure it will. Sometimes people just need a helping hand you know,’ you said.

‘Yeah, I know.’

Women like you they're a dime a dozen you can buy 'em anywhere,

For you to get to him I'd have to move over and I'm gonna stand right here,

It'll be over my dead body so get out while you can,

Cause you ain't woman enough to take my man.

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002 @sania562 @caitlin1996 @literally-just-elvis-fics @notstefaniepresley @artlesson8892 @18lkpeters @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @presleyenterprise @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @lettersfromvenus @louisejoy86 @ccab

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

Nearly a week ago, I finished my playthrough of Pokemon Violet, the base game. I needed a while to get into this because I was worried about all of the performance issues and bugs that I'd heard all over. Video games are expensive, especially in the place where I live, and I regret buying Shining Pearl, so I've been very careful about my video game purchases to avoid buying stuff I regret again.

Luckily, I don't regret buying and playing this game.

Since this is a review of a base game, this only covers the base game, and will include spoilers of the base game, so please approach with caution.

To get one thing out of the way immediately, my team members are Quaquaval, Clodsire, Ceruledge, Gholdengo, Gardevoir, and Luxray. The last two were used to be Fidough and Nacli specifically, but I'm not a fan of their final evolutions' designs. I was looking for a quick replacement and I ended up using non-Paldea Pokemon. Plus, my team was almost entirely physical before Gimmighoul evolved, so having Gardevoir is helpful, and my Luxray happens to have a good IV in Sp. Atk to mitigate her minimum moveset.

For the record, my team has a generally good to neutral nature. Quaquaval has -Defense +Special Defense, Ceruledge has +Atk -Defense, Gholdengo has +Sp. Atk -Sp. Def nature... I don't remember the rest. I do remember Luxray has -Speed nature which is not ideal, but it's not too debilitating otherwise (and it can be changed anytime anyway). I'm never a person who cares a lot about natures and IVs unless it's REALLY disadvantageous (looking at you, Garchomp with -Atk and 0 IV on Atk in Shining Pearl that I got after looking for almost 2 hours) and my team helped me very well throughout the travels, so I'm satisfied with what I have. Also, my Ceruledge, Clodsire, and Luxray are female, while Quaquaval and Gardevoir are male.

My order of completion is as follows: Kwalf > Mela > Brassius > Katy > Iono > Orthworm > Bombirdier > Giacomo > Atticus > Iron Treads > Larry > Kofu > Dodonzo & Tatsugiri > Arven > Tulip > Eri > Ortega > Clavell & Penny > Ryme > Grusha > Elite Four > Geeta > Nemona. Yes, I had a really rough time in the beginning and against Arven as well as Tulip due to my order of tackling things. But afterwards it's all smooth-sailing. I still had a hard time against Rika, but that's mostly because most of my team members were weak to ground.

Okay, now that's out of the way, time to talk about the story and the characters...

I was generally very happy about the simple yet profound story of Pokemon Violet when I finished the three storylines: Path of Legends, Starfall Street, and Victory Road. It has the core theme of looking for each individual's treasure, and that one's treasure may be different from others, as repeated a few times, especially in Penny's story. Arven's story of his determination to save Mabosstiff was also similarly very moving. Nemona's immense happiness and cheerfulness to finally find a rival she could compete in an equal term also makes me smile happily as well.

Then the postgame story: The Way Home, hit like a wrecking ball. It really went in a direction that I never expected before.

Oh wow, what a story. I like how it tied to the original theme of "finding one's treasure", and pretty consistent with a lot of Pokevillains so far, "obsession". In Turo's case, his obsession with his treasure. I like how it put a closure to the loose ends in Arven's story, and how it's not an entirely happy end either. In the end, no matter what we did, the Professor was gone, and the AI sent itself off to the future, leaving Arven alone again. The ending sequence of Nemona cheering everyone up and reassures that Arven is not alone anymore. I love Nemona's cheery and optimistic personality, while may appear unfitting during the Area Zero's sequence, she's the one that lifts up everyone's spirit in the end. Besides, if everyone had been feeling down during the trek to the bottom, the situation would've felt a lot worse. So, the ending for Arven and the whole The Way Home storyline felt bittersweet in a way, and I like that.

Yes, I like Nemona the most, but mostly because of her cheerfulness and her outgoing personality, I always have a soft spot for characters like her. I also like Arven and Penny a lot too--I cried a lot during their story, especially in Arven's, be it in the main story or in the post-game. I was right when I thought I would like Nemona when I first saw the trailer, and even read her story in Masters. My favorite Gym Leaders are Tulip, Kofu, and Grusha. And much like everyone else, I like Rika, and everyone in Elite Four, as well as the calm, elegant, yet also strict Top Champion Geeta. I hope Tulip will be added to Masters soon. As for the teachers, I only do the story quests for Salvatore, Raivort, and Miriam--but I like all of them. Opinions might change when I get around to doing other classes. For Team Star bosses, I like Atticus, Eri, and Giacomo. Tatsugiri is hands-down my favorite Titan Pokemon, and probably one of my favorite Paldean Pokemon as well. I'm glad I played Violet because I checked the Scarlet's dex entry and it spoiled how it let itself be eaten by Dodonzo to take control. In Violet the dex entry only said it was cunning and smart, so the whole False Dragon Titan plot caught me by surprise and I didn't get spoiled at all from capturing the nearby Tatsugiri. I love that adorable evil sushi.

Regarding Turo, what we know about him is mostly from the AI, which might as well be a separate character from the professor at this point considering the AI disagrees with the original professor's idea to make Pokemon at present and from the future live together--because it's impossible. So I can't say anything about him as a person considering we know next to nothing. He... probably reverted to his original personality when the dialogue box showed "Professor Turo?", but the game itself was unsure so I couldn't say either. As the AI? I like him, from what little we know, he at least means well. The battle against the AI and the Paradise Protection Protocol were amazing too, and very difficult. The stakes were high, the emotional burden was heavy, and it didn't feel like a battle from an official Pokemon game with all of the freaky glitches, but made sense considering the context of the story and the characters involved. If I didn't have Gholdengo, I would have had a much harder time, so I'm glad I decided to have Gholdengo on my team.

For the music, I like the Tera Raid battle, and all the Area Zero music, though knowing who composes them it's no surprise. He always makes great music. I also like the completely open-world progression, and how I don't feel restricted to making any progress in whatever way I want. It was so fun to encounter monsters and trainers with levels way above me, especially when I was on the way to reach Alfornada to look for Sinistea, and how I fought Mela first after fighting Kwalf.

That being said, it doesn't mean the game doesn't have things I don't like.

I know Pokemon Violet is riddled with performance issues, bugs, glitches, and all that, but I heard most of them are fixed already so I went to play in hopes I don't find any besides graphical glitches and bugs that my friends have warned me about. Turns out, I got the glitch of my picnic table was invisible. Whenever I started my picnic, my table and tools always didn't appear even though I had one. I thought I would need to do a couple of gym battles and/or buy more ingredients + tools somewhere first, but no. Halfway through the game, I realized that it was a glitch. And I had to reset the game every time it happened, which was like every time. It's so annoying because if the sprites of my picnic tools don't appear, I can barely make a sandwich because the ingredients just fell to the ground and it's a mess. Other than that, there are a few areas where the game lags a lot, like how Miraidon and my sprite disappear sometimes, how places that seem walkable are actually not, and not being able to go into NPC houses despite being able to do so in past games that have big cities too, shops being just a pattern with gradient colors and restrictive dialogue with the cashiers... yeah, those are the ones that particularly bother me a lot.

Other things that I don't like but more in subjective terms are the lack of customization and hairstyles, which is because of the school setting, but still don't like it. I also tend to like Paldea Pokemon's pre-evolutions, but not a fan of their final evolutions' designs. There are some exceptions of course, but that was the reason why I decided not to use Fidough and Nacli. I may use a different team (and hopefully an entirely Paldean team now that I'm kind of familiar with the Dex), but yeah. In terms of game mechanics, I still prefer Dynamax system more, because it boosts all moves that the Pokemon has and not just the specific Tera type, and it also boosts the HP and defenses of the Pokemon. Sandwich is a pretty good mechanic when I go looking for rare spawns of Pokemon, or when I want to capture specific Pokemon, I just wish it could increase friendship as well. Personally, I like making sandwiches when it's not being buggy.

Right now I just finished doing the Gym Leader Rematches, Team Star Rematches, capturing the Treasures of Ruins, and one match at the Academy Tournament. Not sure what else I'll do until I get around to playing the DLC. Fortunately there's still a lot of area that I haven't explored (particularly in Glaseado Mountain and the Northern area of Paldea) so I'll explore around while doing some raids, sometimes will pay some visits to Team Star and do some tournaments.

So... I guess that's it I wanted to say about the game? Just ask me if you want to know what I think about something specific other than what I've mentioned. In conclusion, I like it a lot. I'm glad I decided to play it after my friend convinced me that it's really worth playing for it. I don't regret buying and playing this game. Hope the DLC is gonna be great too, I'm excited whenever I get to play it.

[iantimony]

oopsie, two missed tuesdays!

and i almost missed this one too!!!! i was moving apartments. ough. this is a random mishmash of everything i remember of the past .. three ?? ??? weeks.

listening: finished s1 of the silt verses! faulkner is my poor little meow meow etc. i am rotating it in my brain. will have more thoughts next week probably.

some fugazi because they were referenced in a mina le video on merch and i was intrigued. they're good!

fugazi waiting room

brat charli xcx on recommendation of beloved mutual png jpeg. i liked it, i don't normally go for her style but there's some good earworms in here. really good gym album. not sure which specific song to drop here because it was a Full Album experience imo.

in terms of relistening/older stuff, the dear hunter antimai, more franz ferdinand. finally listened to sound & fury by sturgill simpson all the way through, it's really good. boyf also got me to listen to die antwoord and ohhh i do like this. a lot.

i fink u freeky (die antwoord)

also more bionicle playlist. it's just a dose of early 00's-10's music delivered via iv directly into my bloodstream. sorry.

reading: this was from a few weeks ago actually but i forgot about it. we stopped over in pittsburgh for a night and briefly entertained the idea of going to a museum or something road-trip style and found this museum review. surprisingly she is not a lesbian.

and then related to the watching, wikipedia pages for victor ninov and darleane c hoffman!

watching: mina le: the merch industry has gone too far, WAGs, blokecore, and the “feminization” of sports

swell entertainment: the marketability of celebrity eras, how to destroy your audience's trust

started dangelo wallace's ozempic video. the fatphobia had me tapping out pretty quick tho. also watched about half of joy achill's "the george r r martin problem" about asoiaf stuff, gonna finish it tomorrow i think

watched "the man who tried to fake an element" with the boyf, really fascinating, i knew a little bit of it from one of my undergrad classes but this was a really good deep dive.

also watched two episodes of space dandy with the boyf. so much to unpack there.

playing: more dnd but otherwise fallow. made a little dungeon crawl type thing so that's pretty straightforward.

making: coasters mostly right now! the main ones are a Surprise so i will not be posting them yet. instead look at my worm

i've also started knitting a magic the gathering card sleeve as a semi-gag gift for a friend. it's really really stupid i love it so much. it is just ten rows of a rectangle in stockinette right now but i'm going to mock up a little texture work to get the swamp land symbol in the back.

eating: did a lot of takeout right after moving because, Yeah, but i finally started settling back in to home cooked meals. made my favorite orzo salad for a temple potluck, an ungodly amount of gyudon, and a garlic butter shrimp pasta thing.

misc: my new apartment is good!! the insulation isn't great, i know i'll have to shrinkwrap some windows this winter for Sure, but overall i'm settling in. i have a lot of organization and purging to do, especially of my House Clothes, craft supplies, and makeup/beauty shit, and i need to get one or two pieces of furniture still (like a couch......i have a funny little bachelor chair in front of the couch right now which is very funny). i got myself some fun plants from the farmers market as a housewarming gift to myself. i am finally the owner of a monstera, yippee, she Really needs a repot though. i also got a hoya lisa because i liked the name and it was cute and cat friendly and i got a vaguely labia-adjacent succulent. i have so many little household Needs and Tasks (mat for in front of the sink! blackout curtains because i have to sleep with an eye mask right now because the blinds dont do shit! etc!) and also every grocery bill i do is like $100 because of getting kitchen essentials that will not run out any time soon but that i do need (white vinegar. aluminum foil. flour.) so everything is so expensive. this is a big wall of text. at least the spare mattress is out of my weird haunted hallway now <3 i'm very excited to start hanging up my art.

[goldenlaurelleaveswrites]

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe ch 14

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Girl Squad iii

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

It has been such a long time, and I wanted to start by saying thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of your kind words and the support you've shown me. I didn't respond because honestly, I get so flustered over compliments and such things when they're reacted at me, so all of the wonderful and kind things you all said to me had me hiding under the covers. But I read every single comment. I reread them actually, when I was feeling really stressed about school they provided me with comfort. Ive actually taken pictures of them to keep on hand for when I need a reminder. But I cannot thank you all enough for the care you have shown me, and I want you all to know how much it meant to me 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Now for a little bit of house keeping. The next chapter will probably take a while to go up because my break between semesters is relatively short (I finished my first semester a week ago today, and I start up again next week). Especially if it ends up being as long as this one did. I have also updated the chapter count! In all honesty, I meant to do this ages ago but I kept forgetting 😅

With all that said, again, thank you so much and I hope you enjoy 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

She rolled her shoulders as she made her way below deck, trying to work out all of the kinks that had made their way into her muscles as she had fought. It hadn’t been a particularly difficult battle, but it had been… annoying… Just how many times had M. Ramier been akumatized into M. Pigeon now? In the grand total of the two weeks since she had first donned the tiger miraculous, she had dealt with M. Pigeon three times now. He had to be well past fifty akumatizations by this point.

She sighed as she made her way into the kitchen, her attention laser focused on the fridge. It hadn’t been a hard battle, just a long one. And she was hungry. The light of the fridge was bright, but once she had blinked the stars from her eyes, her gaze settled on a box of pizza Luka had brought home from work the other day. She had just lifted the lid of the box when a voice broke the silence. 

“Where have you been?” 

Blindly, she grabbed a slice, then pushed the fridge door closed with her hip, and with the coveted slice of pizza in hand, glanced in the direction of Luka’s voice. He was sitting up on the sofa, watching her over the back of it. But as she made her way into the living area, she saw his legs were still stretched out along the length of it, like he had been sprawled out on it. He had his acoustic in his lap, and it was only then that she realized that the tv was on, the screen displaying what looked like a recap of the akuma battle. But the flickering image was silent. As was the guitar in his lap. 

“It’s on mute?” she asked, ignoring his question as she glared at his legs, which were occupying the majority of the sofa. 

“All the commentary was just Nadja’s usual tosh,” he said as he shifted to make room for her. “Y’know, the ‘Ladybug and Chat Noir are in love’ stuff and all that.”  

“And you’re not playing?” she asked before taking a bite of the cold pizza. 

Luka shrugged. “I was for a while….” He said, his voice trailing off as he began plucking at the strings. From the way his gaze drifted down to stare pensively at his guitar as his fingers deftly moved across the strings, it was obvious she was going to have to wait.  

She chewed slowly as they sat in silence. Well, silence apart from his music. It was clear in the music his noodling was eliciting that he was trying to work out something he wanted to say. That was something most of her friends didn’t seem to understand about him; they all seemed to think he always knew exactly what to say. To be fair, when it came to music, he did. He was a complete and utter dork that way. And a nerd—well, music nerd— to boot. But if he needed to say something that wasn’t about music… he needed music to figure out how to say it. 

It was something Marinette had understood pretty quick though… 

 “I’m just- I’ve been trying to figure out this song…” he finally said, his gaze still firmly on his guitar and his fingers still dancing across the strings, a familiar smile playing at his lips. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what song it was he was trying to figure out. Especially given the way his cheeks were turning pink. For all the ways Luka was different from their ma, they were similar in a few key ways. Namely, their lack of subtlety. “It’s just… I thought about what you said- what you’ve been telling me-”

“About the song.” 

 His hands stilled as he looked up and offered her a sheepish smile. “You were right.”

Finally, he was figuring that out. It had taken him long enough… 

 “But now…” he shrugged helplessly as he glanced back down as his guitar. Idly, he trailed his fingers across the strings as he stared at it thoughtfully. “I know what notes I want to play. How I want- how I hope the melody will go.”

“But you’ve committed to the notes you want to play next?” she asked, half afraid for his answer. It wouldn’t be the first time the idiot had found an excuse to designate himself to playing second fiddle. And given it felt like the Universe trying to tell him to take a backseat… 

He looked up, his eyes flashing with an intensity that was strictly reserved for all things Marinette. “I didn’t want to pressure her.” A noble notion. A gallant one even. Even if he had been an idiot in the way he had gone about it. “But, you were right.” That felt nice to hear. “But then she was just so stressed. I didn’t want to be another thing for her to worry about. And now… now I’m trying to figure out the tempo of it. I don’t want to rush it. Especially not the next few notes.”

She would hardly say he was rushing things… 

“But I think…” he said slowly, ducking his gaze in what appeared to be a futile attempt to hide the dopey, lovesick grin spreading across his face, “I think it’s time I asked her how she would feel about a duet.”

“‘Bout time, if you ask me.” Actually, it was way past time. In her opinion, anyway. 

His head snapped up to protest, his eyes even more intense and bright against his flushed cheeks and his dopey, lovesick, Marinette smile. She couldn’t stop herself from smirking, and he seemed to immediately recognize his mistake. He ducked his head to try and hide his face, but it was too late. 

She had seen the smile and the flushed cheeks. It wasn’t like he had ever done a good job of hiding that smile. 

She sank back into sofa cushions, and grinning widely, took another bite of pizza. And immediately screwed up her face in disgust as a vile taste filled her mouth. Had she thought to grab a plate, she would have spat it out, but as it was, she had no choice but the swallow the offending bite. “Olives? Why did you bring home stuff with olives?” 

“Serves you right,” he chuckled, though he was still trying—and failing—to hide his flushed face by inspecting his chipped nail polish.

“For what?” 

“Teasing me.” 

“I didn’t say anything!” Ok, maybe she had… but could he really blame her? 

“You didn’t have to. You never have to,” he added as he rolled his eyes. “But you totally did.”

Ok, fair. He had a point. But still… “Rude.” 

“Didn’t you check it first?” 

“No, you distracted me.” 

He furrowed his brows. “Y’know, you never did answer my question.” 

“Hm?” she hummed as she began picking the olives off the pizza.

“Where were you? And stop that!” She just raised a brow, and then flicked another olive at him. 

“I was out shopping,” she said off-handedly as she inspected the pizza for any olives she may have missed. 

“I thought your big shopping trip was tomorrow…” he said. Her ears perked up at the sudden, entirely too casual tone of his voice. 

“It is…” she said slowly, watching him through suspicion-narrowed eyes. “The pharmacy’s having a sale on nail polish and lipstick. I thought I would check it out.” It wasn’t a lie. She had been on her way to check out the sale when she had gotten the akuma alert. As soon as she had seen it, she had hightailed it back to where the Liberty was moored and snuck back on deck to wait in case Purple Tigress was needed. Which she had been. 

“You didn’t get anything?’ 

She shook her head. “Probably best to wait until I have my dress before I decide on makeup and all that.” Technically, that was true too. 

He hummed, and nodded as he listlessly plucked at the strings of his guitar, eliciting a tune that betrayed his casual facade. 

“And you’re all going on the shopping trip.” It was obvious that wasn’t what he was really asking. Why he still insisted on beating around the bush when she knew how he felt about Marinette was beyond her. 

Especially after he had just admitted he was finally going to stop being an idiot. 

Well, about Marinette at least. 

“Yeah. Well, the guys aren’t coming. I have no interest in dragging Kim around to look at dresses.”  

Luka snorted. “That’s something I’d pay to see.” She rolled her eyes, but he just chuckled. “So…” he said slowly, drawing the word in a clear attempt to sound casual. “Marinette’s decided to go to the dance after all?” 

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” she asked, nodding to the coffee table, where his phone sat before shoving the last bite of pizza into her mouth. 

He looked at it thoughtfully, and she barely fought the urge to roll her eyes. Luka wasn’t the type to ask someone to a dance over text. Especially when that someone was Marinette. Because him going to a dance with her actually meant something to him. 

But maybe that would at least get the ball rolling. 

“I’m going to go have a shower,” she announced, rising from the sofa. Her muscles were still stiff, and she didn’t want to be any more subjected to Luka’s lovesick sighs and dopey smiles. 

                                                              ***

The shade was cool on her face, and provided a much welcome refuge from the afternoon sun. It was warm, bordering on hot with only a slight breeze to keep the edge of the heat off. The sound of laughter and a Saturday in the city mingled with the coos of the pigeons that were scattered around the park. It was evident in the air that the end of June was fast approaching, and with it, the dance. 

Alix drifted past her, her bored humming and the ever so slight squeak of the wheels of her heelies joining the sound of summer in the park. Slowly, she let her gaze drift down to the open group chat on her phone.  

Mylène 🌼 : Running a little late!

Mylène 🌼 : The rally one overtime 

Mylène 🌼 : went 

Rose 🌹💗: no problem!! 😊😊😊

Mylène 🌼 : on my way now

Mylène 🌼 : meet at the park?

Alya 🦊?!: sure meet you there

She sighed as she settled herself more comfortably against the tree she was leaning against, and let her gaze drift up. Rose was scrolling through her pinterest board of her vision for what she would wear to the dance, asking for Marinette’s opinion on the various ideas she had posted to it. Marinette was animatedly pointing to things on the screen of Rose’s phone, and though she hadn’t caught all of it, from the sounds of it she was explaining what silhouettes and shapes would best suit Rose. 

She couldn’t help but smile at the sight. A couple of weeks ago, she hadn’t been sure when she would see Marinette smile again. At times, it had felt more like a question of ‘if’ than ‘when.’ She could tell Marinette was still stressed; her friend, though much more lively ever since Tigress came onto the scene, was still bit quieter than usual. More subdued.  

But still… 

She was smiling again. And that was a victory in and of itself.

And if Luka was finally getting some sense into that thick head of his… hopefully, Marinette would have a lot more to smile about soon. 

Her gaze drifted from Marinette to take in the vivid greens of the park before stopping to land on Alya. 

Alya was furiously typing away on her phone, her brows furrowed in concentration. She had said she was working on her next post for the Ladyblog… Part of her really wanted to give her fired the benefit of the doubt. And it was entirely possible that she was typing that furiously because she was writing another article. Chat Noir had been mentioning he and Ladybug—with a very pointed lack of mention of any other heroes—should do another interview with the Ladyblog. Ladybug had been noncommittal, but maybe she had ended up agreeing to it. 

But no matter how much she hoped that was what Alya was typing, she wasn’t feeling particularly optimistic. Especially given Alya’s reaction when Marinette had announced she would go to the dance after all…  

“So,” Alya said with a definitive air as she looked up from her phone with a smile. “I figured we would start at Genevieve Consignment, that way we can work our way down the street and hit all the best second-hand places first. Then we can go to the department and specialty stores as we make our way to that fabric store you like, Marinette.”

“And we’re getting dinner, right?”

“Yes, then we can grab dinner. Sound good?” 

“Sounds perfect to me!” Rose chirped.  

Alix shrugged. “As long as we’re getting dinner, I’m good.” 

“We can skip the fabric store this time, though.”

“Oh, already found the perfect fabric for your dress?” Alya asked, the beginnings of a knowing Cheshire smile spreading across her face. 

Marinette shook her head. “No, I’m not making one.” The grin quickly dropped from Alya’s face as Marinette continued. “I was just going to buy one.”

 “What?” A group of passing tourists shot Rose bewildered looks at the sound of her shriek. “But you always make your dresses!” 

Despite knowing what she knew, she couldn’t help but be surprised herself. Not to the degree she would have been if she didn’t know certain secrets. But still… 

Before she was able to muster her words, Alix cocked her head to the side and said, “But at the Winter Formal you were all excited about making your dress for the next dance.” 

“What about Adrien?” Alya cried, “He complimented your dress at the Winter Formal. Don’t you want to impress him with another design?” Forget Adrien, what about the fact that one of Marinette’s favourite things to design was formal dresses? “Just think, he’d see you in a beautiful dress you made and he would see how incredible and talented you are and it would be perfect!” Yeah. Sure. Just like the last three dances… “It’s going to be the nigh, I just know it! It needs to be special!” 

“Hey girls! Sorry I’m… what’s all the commotion about?” Mylène’s voice trailed off as she drew closer to them, her brows furrowing as her gaze darted between their faces.

“Marinette says she isn’t making her dress for the dance!” Alya announced. 

“What? But why?” 

Finally, the obvious question. 

Marinette shrugged. “I don’t have the time. The dance is in two weeks.”

“But what about Adrien?” 

An odd look flickered across Marinette’s face at Alya’s question. But before Marinette could say anything, Mylène gently bumped Marinette with her hip. “Don’t worry, Marinette,” Mylène said comfortingly, “I’m sure we can find a dress that’ll impress Adrien.” 

Marinette blinked at Mylène. “I don’t want to stress about impressing anyone, I just want to find a dress I like.” 

“We’ll make sure we find you the most perfect dress ever, right girls?”  

“That’s the point of this trip, isn’t it?” 

“Hey,” Alya said as she slung her arm around Marinette’s shoulders, “Maybe it won’t be as amazing as something you’d make, but we’re going to find the perfect dress! Adrien won’t know what hit him!” 

Taking that as their rallying cry, Alix glided ahead. “C’mon slowpokes,” she cried over her shoulder, leaving the rest of them no choice but to follow. 

She tried to catch Marinette’s eye as they started out, but she was sandwiched between Alya and Mylène. Marinette had said she wanted to find a dress she liked. But she had a sinking suspicion the search was going to end up binge for a dress Adrien would like. 

“This is going to be so much fun!” Rose squealed as she sidled up beside her. 

Despite the rather sour thoughts swirling in her head—and her suspicions that were quickly sinking toward the pit in her stomach—she couldn’t help at smile at Rose’s infectious enthusiasm and sunny smile. “It’s going to be a big day,” she agreed.  

She was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her friends. Despite her ever-growing frustrations and resentment toward their habit of shoving Adrien into the epicentre of most of their hangouts, they were still her friends. And she was never one to say no to a shopping trip. Especially to second hand places, which they were hitting first at Mylène’s insistence. You never knew what treasures you could find in them. 

But… 

She bit back a sigh. She was glad Marinette was going to the dance; she had been really worried when Marinette had shown so little interest in it. She understood why Marinette hadn’t been focused on it, but she had still been worried. Marinette loved school dances. She loved any chance to celebrate something. 

So it had been a relief when Marinette had announced she would go to the dance after all. 

But it seemed the question of what Marinette was going to wear to the dance had brought a whole new host of problems… 

                                                            ***

“What about these?” She looked up from the box of gloves she was rifling through, looking for the match to the black lace opera glove she had found, at the sound of Alya’s voice, just in time to see her push a couple of dresses into Marinette’s hands. 

Marinette looked down at the dresses in her hands. A look of apprehension settled over her faces as she held up the two dresses. “I don’t know, they’re not really my style-”

“Exactly!”

What?

“It never hurts to try new things, right?” 

“I guess…” Marinette said, eyeing the dresses dubiously as she meandered toward the dressings rooms with Alya trailing closely after her. 

“Besides,” Alya added slyly , “If you try something new, Adrien will have to notice you!” 

Marinette froze in the entry to the dressing room. With the curtain still open, she could see the mirror inside the dressing room. And in the mirror, she caught a glimpse of a grimace twisting its way onto Marinette’s face before her friend slid the curtain shut behind her.

If Alya noticed the lack of response, she didn’t say anything. Instead, all she called out was, “Make sure you come out and show us!” before whipping out her phone.  

She bit back a groan as she turned her attention back to the box of gloves with a scowl, though she did her best to hide it. At least if any of the girls noticed, she could blame it on having a hard time finding the matching glove.   

She should have expected this. She should have planned for this. Because of course, the question of what Marinette would wear would end up being focused on Adrien. Especially given the hints Alya had been dropping about how Adrien didn’t have a date for the dance yet and how his father was actually allowing him to attend were as subtle as akuma costumes. So far, Marinette had brushed those hints off with hummed acknowledgements and deflections. But she wasn’t sure how much longer that would last. 

And, much to her frustration, she hadn’t been able to do much about it. 

Every time she managed to subtly redirect the conversation to a different topic, it would eventually—inevitably—circle back to Adrien. And it wasn’t just Alya, though she was definitely spearheading the efforts. The rest of the girls were dropping hints too. If it could even be called that at this point…  

But the point of the matter was, she was completely outnumbered. 

Honestly, she had been for a long time. 

Yeah, Aimee had been able to help her with the photoshoot scheme. But Aimee was busy with her own stuff, especially now that she was working for Marinette’s parents as their social media manager and photographer. Aimee helped her when and where she could, but it wasn’t often. And even when she could help it was still just the two of them. 

Her ma didn’t mind running interference when she was on board the Liberty, but that was as far as she would go. Besides, involving her ma would be like setting off fireworks in a library.

She sighed. If only she was able to get more help. But there wasn’t really anyone else she could go to… 

The guys… she grimaced. Kim was an obvious no; the whole Ondine debacle had made it clear Kim wasn’t the most… in touch with the nuances of romance. Add in the fact that Kim was the opposite of subtle… 

Max wasn’t an option either. While he could probably make a great spreadsheet of all the reasons why Luka and Marinette were so much better for each other than Adrien and Marinette were, somehow, she couldn’t see him being super into the scheming and meddling. 

Nathaniel was a no too. He was too busy with his comic. And weirdly, he seemed to like the idea of Adrien and Marinette getting together. 

Ivan? Marinette had helped him get together with Mylène. She wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to return the favour. But while he was friends with Luka, and in the band to boot, the problem was that he was also Mylène’s boyfriend. Which meant she had definitely told him all the ‘reasons’ Marinette should be with Adrien. No, Ivan was too close to this. 

And Nino? Nino was an obvious no. Even if he at least had the decency to look embarrassed—hopefully he actually was—every time he was involved in a plot, he was still involved. And if push came to shove, she knew he would side with Alya over common sense. 

Adrien- she wasn’t even going to go there. 

But that was all the guys in class. And none of them were even close to being potential allies. 

She sighed again as she let her gaze drift over the consignment store as she blindly rifled through the hodge-podge of gloves. She was losing hope fast. 

Her gaze landed on Alix, who was picking through a bunch of shoes displayed in a bookcase with an air of disinterest. 

Alix? Alix was a tough one. On one hand, she wasn’t afraid to say it like it was. If she pointed out how bad Adrien and Marinette would be together, she might actually listen and come to the same realization she had. On the other hand, Alix, while being the least invested in the plots, was still invested. And even if Alix did decide to jump ship, there was no guarantee she would help her. And if she did, subtlety would be out of the question. 

No. Alix wasn’t an option. 

Her eyes found Mylène just as her friend was going into a dressing room with a few dresses draped over her arm. There was no way Mylène would stand up against Alya. And Mylène fully supported the Adrienette ship in her own right, so it was a double no for her. 

She glanced at Alya, who was still standing by the dressing rooms, grinning down at her phone screen. There was no point even considering Alya, given she was the one who led the charge on all the Adrien schemes in the first place…

Which just left Rose. 

She sighed as her gaze dropped back down to the box of gloves. 

She loved Rose with all her heart, and she wanted nothing more than to bring her in on her plans. And there was no doubt in her mind that Rose would fully support Marinette and Luka if she knew how they felt about each other, and how much happier they would be together. But there were two problems; she couldn’t bring Rose in without betraying Luka and Marinette’s trust, because Rose would ask questions. Rose would want to know all the details, even the ones she had sworn to secrecy. Even the ones Marinette didn’t know she knew… 

The other problem was that Rose was in love with love. Yes, she would undoubtedly support Marinette and Luka. But she also still fully supported Marinette and Adrien because she was blinded by the romance. Blinded by the ‘made for each other’ narrative that Alya sold with every breath she took. 

Halfheartedly, she pushed the last few gloves around not expecting to find anything. A flash of black half buried under a chartreuse suede glove caught her eye. Carefully, she shifted the mass of gloves to unearth the match to the glove. 

At least she had found one of the things she was looking for… 

“What do you think?” She snapped her attention up at the sound of Rose’s voice just in time to see Rose burst out of one of the dressing rooms, wearing a pink sequinned romper. “Is it too much?” she asked as she struck a pose. 

Despite her heavy thoughts, she couldn’t help but smile. “For you? Never,” she murmured, eliciting a blinding beam from her girlfriend. 

“Good, because I love it!” Rose squealed with a shimmy that made her and her outfit sparkle. “Those are cute,” she said, gesturing to the glove in her hand. “Are you going to get them?” 

“Yeah. I-”

“Marinette!” She and Rose both turned at the sound of Alya’s voice. Marinette had emerged from the dressing room. Wearing her own clothes and with the dresses in hand. “How come you didn’t come out to show us?” 

Marinette shrugged as she deposited the dresses on the rail for cloths to be returned to the shop floor. “They weren’t right.”

                                                            ***

 The metallic sound of hangers sliding against metal filled the air as she and Marinette rifled through the racks of dresses. They were on their fifth shop now, and neither of them had found dresses yet. A little further down the aisle, Alya was rifling through a display, muttering something to Rose and Mylène, but her words were lost in the distance between them. 

Something between a sigh and a groan escaped Marinette as she slid a few more dresses along the rail, the hangers clattering together from the force with which she had shoved them. “This is hopeless!” 

“Can’t you just wear something you already have?” She and Marinette both glanced up as Alix rolled toward them on her heelies, carting a silver and green windbreaker and a pair of ripped jeans along with her. “It seems like a simple fix if you can’t find anything you like. Didn’t Adrien say he liked that purple dress you wore the other week?” Alix asked as she stopped to pick through the rail opposite the ones that held the dresses.

 Alix, her back turned and her attention on the row of clothes opposite, missed the way Marinette’s face soured at the mention of Adrien’s name.

“That’s a day dress, it’s not really an occasion dress.”    

“Ok, what about one of the things you made for your shop? Or the dress you wore to the winter dance?” 

Marinette shook her head. “All of that is too casual. I don’t want to be underdressed! And the dress I wore to the winter dance is made of velvet, it would be way too hot.” 

Alix shrugged. “Well, if you’re not going to make yourself something or wear something you already have, keep looking. I’m sure you’ll find something. You’re the one that said there’s all sorts of hidden gems in these places,” Alix said, turning to motion to the racks of clothes in the thrift shop. “I found these,” Alix added, holding up her finds as if to prove her point.

“Those don’t look like dance clothes.” 

She turned. Rose had come up behind her, and was surveying the clothes Alix was holding, her head tilted to the side and her brows furrowed. 

“I’m wearing the suit Mari made me for the fall formal.”

“But you’ve worn it to the last two dances!” Rose cried. 

“Yeah, cause it rocks. And black is a classic.”

“Thanks,” Marinette said quietly, her words almost lost to Rose’s squealed protests. 

“But-“ 

“I’m ditching the jacket and wearing a different shirt, so it’ll look different. Oh, by the way, there’s a sequinned bag back that way.” 

The allure of a glittery accessory was too much for Rose, who darted in the direction Alix had nodded, throwing a hurried thanks over her shoulder. 

“Well,” Alix said matter of factly, “I’m going to go try these on.” And then she was gone, rolling toward the dressing rooms. She watched as Alix’s shock of pink hair disappeared behind a rack of clothing. 

“I guess she’s right…” Marinette mumbled. She turned back to look at her friend, who was looking at the rail of dresses with a rather gloomy expression. They had been going through the entire rail, ignoring the size categories as the inventory was jumbled together . And there had been plenty of nice dresses, some really nice ones that were in Marinette’s size that had been in the wrong section. But Marinette had taken them rather reluctantly, and without her usual enthusiasm that came with shopping for clothes. 

Slowly, Marinette began flicking through the dresses again. 

She opened her mouth. And then closed it. Right from the get go, Marinette had insisted she wouldn’t be making her dress for this dance. When pressed by the girls, had said she just didn’t have time for making a dress. That was unsurprising, given everything. But that didn’t explain why she was so unenthused about the whole shopping process. She doubted all the Adrien comments Alya—and the rest of the girls—kept dropping every time Marinette even so much as picked up a dress were helping matters. But she couldn’t help but feel there was something more to Marinette’s disinterest in dress shopping… 

 “That one is nice,” she said quietly, nodding her head to the floral chiffon dress Marinette was examining. It was nice. It was a perfectly nice dress. The design was a little bland and the colour was a little boring, but it was nice enough for a dance. 

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Marinette sighed noncommittally. 

“But…?” 

Marinette shrugged listlessly as she took the dress off the rail and went back to flicking through the dresses. “I guess I won’t know until I try it. It’s just… it’s silly.” 

“I bet it isn’t.” They were nearing the end of the last rack of dresses, and they had pitiful results so far to show for their effort. Marinette had taken only three dresses, and none of them had been met with much enthusiasm. She had grabbed a couple, but to be honest, she wasn’t all that concerned with what she would wear. She had a bunch of black dresses she could wear to the dance. It wasn’t like anyone would notice if she wore an old dress, given she always wore black to school dances. It was a classic for a reason. 

Marinette bit her lip as stared steadfastly at the rail as she continued to search through the dresses. She could tell Marinette was weighing her words, trying to decide how best to say whatever it was she needed to say, by the way she stared so intently at the clothes on the rail. “Well…” she said slowly, a faint flush creeping up on her face, “it’s just that- it’s- it’s perfect!” 

“What-“ she was cut off by Marinette’s squeal as her friend pulled a dress from the rack. And then shoved it into her hands… 

She had been hoping Marinette had found a dress for herself. But… 

Looking at the dress, she had to admit, it was perfect. Even if she was a little peeved Marinette hadn’t found a dress for herself. Slowly, she ran a hand along the silky fabric. Sprays of thorny roses had been woven into the fabric; the subtle black on black design almost seemed to shift under the store lights. It would look incredible under the lights of the dance.

“Oh, are you going to try that on?” She looked up from the dress to see  Mylène wandering toward them, her arms laden with dresses. 

She  glanced back down at the dress. “Yeah, I am.” 

“What did you find, Mylène?” Marinette brushed past her to look at the dresses Mylene had selected. “That one is really pretty!” 

“Yeah,”  Mylène sighed happily as she held up the dress. “Sunflowers are my favourite. Ivan’s too. So I’m hoping the fit will be good.”  Mylène settled the dress back over her arm. “What did you find, Mari?” 

“Not much,” Marinette sighed, her enthusiasm instantly waning the moment the topic shifted to her dress selections.  

“That one is nice,”  Mylène offered tentatively as Marinette shuffled through the scant few dresses she had found. 

“It’s ok,” Marinette said half-heartedly. “But I guess we should go try things on. Unless you’re not done looking, Jules…” 

“No. No I’m good to try things on now,” she mumbled, her brows furrowing as Marinette and  Mylène both turned and headed in the direction of the dressing rooms. Judging from the way  Mylène not so subtly kept looking at Marinette, it was obvious Marinette’s lack of enthusiasm wasn’t lost on her either. 

She trailed after them, chewing her lip as she went. Marinette’s enthusiasm had quickly dwindled throughout the afternoon. Usually, Marinette adored thrifting and shopping in general. But she had been… listless. Or at least, when it came to shopping for herself. Every time her attention was turned to what someone else might try on, Marinette was bright and excited. But the second it came to her outfit… 

“Look at what I found!” She emerged from the end of the aisle in time to see Alya rushing toward them, with Rose quickly trailing after her. Rose’s arms were laden with her own shopping bags, and what looked like dresses Alya had pulled for herself. Alya was brandishing two hangers; from one hung a swirly looking skirt the colour of ripe tangerines, and from the other hung a matching crop top. “Isn’t it great? I saw it on the rack one of the employees had just brought out from the back!” 

“That colour would be gorgeous on you!” Marinette gushed as she reached out to examine the fabric of the skirt. 

Alya preened. “Thanks. I mean, I still have to try it on, and I’ll try on the rest of the stuff I found but… I think it’s  going to be the one! What did you find, girl?” 

“Oh, you know, just a couple dresses. Should we?” she asked, nodding toward the dressing rooms. 

“Absolutely,” Alya said as she shifted her newest find to one hand so she could take the bundle of dresses from Rose. “Thanks. Now come on!” 

“You all have to come out and show us!” Rose squealed, already pulling her phone out, no doubt to summon Alix. 

 Mylène and Alya were already heading into dressing rooms. As she and Marinette headed toward the last free ones, she shot Marinette an encouraging smile. Marinette returned it with a smile of her own that wavered only a little before turning to fully disappear into her dressing room. She tugged the curtain of her own dressing room shut. 

She made quick work of changing out her own clothes, and then she stepped into the dress. She tugged up the zip before stepping back to examine her reflection.  The skirt was slim but… she gave an experimental swivel of her hips; it still had enough of a flare to flow nicely around her legs with a satisfying swish. It would be perfect for dancing. She turned and looked back over her shoulder to examine the reflection of the back of the dress. The narrow straps separated at the top of her shoulders, turning from single straps to three thinner ones that criss-crossed over her back in a woven pattern that reminded her vaguely of a spiderweb.

She turned to fully face the mirror again, and let a slow smile crawl across her face as she fished the gloves she had bought out of her bag. She slipped the gloves on, and her smile turned to a grin. 

 It was perfect. 

All she needed was shoes and… she tilted her head side to side. A choker would be the perfect touch. A lace one maybe… 

That was something she could do easily enough herself. 

Her smile grew as she heard Rose squeal from the other side of the curtain. Quietly, she drew back the curtain. Alya was wearing the crop top and skirt set, and she was positively glowing as she struck a pose. 

“What do you think?” 

“It looks amazing, Alya!” Rose gushed, her eyes sparkling. 

“It looks really great on you!” Mylène offered quietly. She hadn’t seen Mylène emerge, but she was standing there in the floral dress, her usually shy smile wider than usual. 

“You look awesome too, girl!” 

“You both look great,” Alix piped up from where she was sprawled on a bench by the entrance to the dressing room area. 

“Yeah,” she said quietly as she stepped out of the dressing room. “Those really suit you both.” 

The second the words left her mouth, four pairs of eyes snapped toward her. They were all silent. She could feel the weight of their gaze on her. A couple of months ago, with so many eyes trained directly on her, her shoulders would have been hunching and curling in, and her hands would have been itching to fidget with her skirt. But now- 

“Bijou!” It was fortunate there was no glass nearby, Rose’s squeal was so high-pitched. “You look gorgeous!” 

“That dress is perfect for you!” 

“You look incredible!” 

Her cheeks were growing warm under the force of their praise. “Thanks,” she murmured. 

“Hey, Mari!” Alix shouted, ignoring the looks of other shoppers nearby, “get out here and take a look!” 

Marinette poked her head out from behind the curtain, and her face lit up. “I knew it! I knew that dress would be perfect for you! You look incredible!”

“Thank you.” She couldn’t stop the grin from crawling across her face at Marinette’s praise. 

Marinette’s gaze drifted over to Alya and Mylène, thought she remained awkwardly hidden behind the curtain, with only her head sticking out. “You both look incredible too!” she gushed. “Please tell me you’re all getting those!” 

“Girl, I don’t know if I’m even going to take it off!” Alya laughed as she twirled. “I might just have to wear it out!” 

“But then it won’t be special!” Rose protested. 

“I’m definitely getting mine!” 

“So are you going to come out, or what, girl?” Alya asked, still laughing gleefully. 

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Marinette promised before snapping the curtain closed. 

She frowned. The look in Marinette’s eye at the mention of her coming out of the dressing room… 

She hadn’t been particularly optimistic about any of the dresses, given Marinette’s reaction to them. Still, she had hoped that Marinette would like something. At least enough to show the rest of them. 

But the sound of the curtain of Marinette’s dressing room sliding open dashed what shreds of hope she had left. 

“Nothing?” Rose asked, her face falling. 

Marinette shook her head, looking both disappointed and defeated as she hung the rejected dresses on the rack by the end of the line of dressing rooms. “Let’s check out the shoe store around the corner, I think I could do with a break from trying on dresses…” 

                                                            ***

The second she had pushed the door open to the shoe store and made room for the rest of their group to enter, Alix made a beeline for the display of sneakers. Rose took Mylène by the arm and hauled her toward the back of the store, where there was a display of glittering party shoes. Alya was hot on their heels, already exclaiming over a pair in the display. 

Marinette hung back, lingering by the display stand right by the entrance. So she hung back too. 

“Those are fun,” she murmured, nodding to the pump Marinette had picked up, and was absently turning over in her hands. 

Marinette shrugged. “It’s fine,” she said quietly, before putting it back down and drifting toward one of the side walls. She trailed silently after her. Marinette stopped in front of another display, this one made up of scrappy sandals in a rainbow of colours. Marinette picked up a silver pair and smiled at them before putting them back down. “What about those?” she asked, pointing to a pair of black sandals. 

“For you or me?” Marinette raised a brow, and then rolled her eyes and smiled in mock exasperation . “They’re cute. But I already have a flat pair like that. Honestly,” she said, dropping her voice, “I probably didn’t even need to come on this trip. I have a ton of stuff I could wear, and it all goes together.” 

“The beauty of black,” Marinette said, nodding sagely. But then a little grin worked its way onto her face. “But if you hadn’t come you wouldn’t have gotten those gloves. Or the dress…” 

“Touché.” 

“Though…” Marinette hummed, “there’s no way I would have left that dress on the rack. Not when it’s so you.”

“That’s why you’re the best.” Marinette waved her off, smiling as she picked up another heeled sandal to examine it. “But honestly, I don’t need to buy any shoes. Not unless they’re something special. You know?”

“Yeah,” Marinette sighed as she put down yet another shoe before heading toward the next display. 

She followed closely behind. They examined the next two displays in relative silence. The others drifted by, toting boxes of shoes to try or teetering past in shoes they were testing out. After another rejected pair of shoes, and once the coast was relatively clear, she leaned in a little closer beside Marinette. 

“You don’t really seem to be all that into this. Is everything ok? Back at the last place, you were saying something when you found my dress. What was it?” she asked quietly. 

Marinette looked up in surprise, but then her face softened and her cheeks flushed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about what I want…” 

“Yeah?” 

“I want to go after it. I want to design my own dress and go to the dance with-“ Marinette cut herself off as she ducked her head. But she didn’t miss the deepening flush in her friend’s cheeks. It was kind of cute how Mari and Luke were still so bashful talking about their feelings with her. It was infuriating. But cute. “But I have this… this vision of what the night would look like. What I would wear, who I would go with…  Assuming he would would say yes.” 

As if he would ever say no. If anything, the thing Marinette should have been worrying about was the likelihood of Luka accidentally skipping the whole ‘first date’ thing and  proposing to her on the spot. But given Marinette’s past experiences with romance and her brother’s noble yet idiotic attempts to not pressure Marinette… she could see why her friend was feeling apprehensive.

“Were you- were you going to ask him?” she asked quietly.

Marinette gave a shallow nod of her head. “I was thinking about it. I want to. But it’s just-” Marinette turned to look at her with a wry, half-smile, “it’s scary, you know?” 

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly. She did know. If Rose hadn’t made the first move, she probably never would have worked up the courage to ask her out herself. And she had had it so much easier, compared to Marinette. No one had shoved a supposed soulmate in her face while she was pining after Rose. “But if it’s any consolation,” she continued, weighing her words carefully. Her brother may have been more obvious that flashing neon lights, but he had still admitted his feelings for Marinette to her in confidence. “I don’t think you need to worry about him saying no.”

“Maybe…“ Marinette sighed, her eyes drifting toward the other side of the shop where the rest of the girls were and a frown twisting on her lips.”But even if he does say yes, I don’t have time to make my dress and…”

“Nothing is living up to your vision?” she offered. 

Marinette nodded. “It’s just, nothing is quite right,” she groaned as she picked up a silver shoe. She had picked that one up three times already; it was a silver kitten heel with an open toe and a small crystal embellishment on it. She had been gravitating to that pair for a while now. 

“Those seem to be telling you they’re right,” she quipped, quirking a half grin at Marinette when she glanced down at the shoe in her hands and then back up at her. 

“Yeah, I really like them.”

“But?”

“But I don’t want to get a pair before I have my dress-“

“Oh, those are cute, Marinette!” Mylène said as she made her way over, only wobbling slightly in the wedges she was wearing. “I bet Adrien would think they are too!” Marinette had been doing a pretty good job so far of hiding the sour look that came across her face every time the blond came up, but cracks were starting to show in her facade. “What do you two think of these?” 

“I like them,” she murmured, looking down at the woven wedges. 

“Me too. But you might want to try a pair with ankle straps, they’ll stay on better when you’re dancing.” 

“Oh, good point. Thanks!” She watched as Mylène went back to the other side of the store. Once all of her friends were out of ear shot again, she turned and dropped her voice. 

“I take it the Adrien comments aren’t helping.” 

Marinette shook her head. “I told them I didn’t want to try and impress anyone but…” 

“They’re committed,” she sighed. 

Speaking of committed… 

“What did you find, girl?” Alya asked as she sidled up beside Marinette. “Oooh, those are great!” she added as she picked up the matching silver shoe from the display. 

“Yeah, I really like them,” Marinette said, a wistful note in her voice as she smiled down at the shoe in her hand. 

“You have to get them! Just think, Adrien’s always wearing that silver ring of his and…” Alya trailed off as he whipped out her phone and began typing. As Alya’s fingers flew across the keyboard on her phone screen, a pit began to form in her stomach. A second later, Alya’s phone dinged and her face lit up like the sky on Bastille Day. “Look!” Alya said as she shoved her phone into hers and Marinette’s faces. “That’s what Nino said Adrien is going to wear to the dance. You could match!” 

She had to bite back a frown as she stared at the picture on Alya’s screen. It was of a suit spread out on what she assumed was Adrien’s bed. The jacket and pants were black, and the shirt was a stark, crisp white. Beside the suit was a pair of black dress shoes with silver buckles in the shape of the Agreste logo and a matching belt. 

“If you wear these,” Alya continued, waving the silver show she was holding, “you can match Adrien. Even better!” Alya gasped. “You wear these and-“ 

“I’m not buying shoes until I have a dress,” Marinette said crisply as she put the shoe she was holding back down on the display with a note of finality. 

“But Marinette-“ 

“I don’t want to buy shoes until I have a dress.” Marinette said emphatically. “I don’t want to end up with a dress and shoes that don’t go together.” 

“But if you get a white dress you could match. And white would go-“ 

“There’s no guarantee I’ll find a dress to go with these.” Marinette said, her voice firm. 

The fact that Marinette had left out the mention of a white dress did not escape her. Though it was hard to tell if Alya had noticed as well. 

“Not if you keep shutting down everything you try on before you give it a real chance,” Alya groaned. 

“I’ve been trying stuff on…” 

“Yeah, but you haven’t shown any of the things you’ve tried on to us!”

“Nothing was worth showing.” 

“See! This is what I mean! You aren’t going to make your own dress, but you’re not giving any of the dresses you’ve tried a proper chance… I still can’t believe you aren’t going to make your dress!” Alya said as she held up a pair of black pumps, frowned, then put them back down.

“I don’t have time. And, I don’t have a design!  Even if I started now and kept the design simple, two weeks isn’t a lot of time.”

“But you have a sketchbook full of designs!” 

“None for a dance though.” 

“Whatever you say,” Alya sighed, with a rather disbelieving note in her voice. “But you need to wear something.” 

“I know…” Marinette grumbled. 

Something between a sigh and laugh escaped Alya. She wrapped an arm around Marinette’s shoulders, he face softening as she did so. “Don’t worry girl, we’ll find you something amazing to wear that’ll be sure to catch Adrien’s attention. And knock his socks off while we’re at it.” Alya looked away from Marinette to meet her eyes. “Right, Juleka?” 

She hesitated. Just for a moment. A second, really. It wasn’t like she was going to agree with Alya. Well, not word for word at least… Something flashed through Alya’s eyes. It was so quick, she would have missed it if she hadn’t been looking. 

“We’ll make sure you have something beautiful to wear,” she said carefully before smiling encouragingly at Marinette. 

“Thanks, guys.” 

Alya grinned. “Don’t worry, I promise Adrien won’t know what hit him!” 

Marinette smiled—what seemed a pretty forced smile that didn’t reach her eyes— but said nothing. 

“Alya!” They all looked up and across the store at the sound of Rose’s voice. Rose was haphazardly waving a shoe around, oblivious to Mylène’s attempts to get her to stop shouting and waving. “You have to come try these on! They’ll go great with your outfit!” Rose cried, brandishing a gold shoe. 

“Coming!” Alya called, taking a step toward the rest of the girls before turning to look back over her shoulder. “You two coming?” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Marinette trying to think of something to say. 

“In a minute,” she said quietly. “I want to finish checking out the stuff over here.” 

“Marinette?” 

“Same. We’ll let you know if we see anything else you might want to try on.” 

“Sounds good,” Alya said with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. And it definitely wasn’t her imagination. Alya’s gaze lingered on her for a second before she turned to hurry over toward Rose, Mylène, and Alix. 

She watched Alya go, her stomach sinking a little with every step Alya took. That had been… 

She shook her head, and turned back to Marinette. Marinette had started wandering further toward the back of the store. With a sigh, and another shake of her head, she followed. 

Marinette had said that she didn’t have time to design and make a dress. It had to be because of Ladybug stuff, right? She definitely seemed less overwhelmed than she had a couple of weeks ago.  Marinette was calling on her a lot for akuma battles, which were now taking way less time than usual. So that had to be helping. But… 

It couldn’t just be the akuma battles that were eating up her time. 

But what other duties there were that was keeping Marinette so busy. She knew there were the patrols Ladybug did to keep an eye on the city… She bit her lip. A couple days ago, after they had wrapped up a battle, she had caught the tail end of an argument between Ladybug and Chat Noir. He had been complaining about how things had changed ever since she became the ‘guardian.’ It sounded important, but she didn’t really know what being a guardian entailed. Or how much it was adding to Marinette’s already overflowing plate. 

Surreptitiously, she glanced around the store. Alya, Rose, and Mylène were at the far, front corner of the store trying on shoes. Alix was listless wandering around looking at the sneakers. All of them—and what few other shoppers were in the store—were all out of ear shot. 

“Your job still keeping you busy?” she asked quietly as she picked up a shoe and pretended to examine it. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Marinette cast a quick glance around the store before nodding.

“Yeah. I took your advice. I was able to bring in another t- coworker. And she’s doing really well. She’s helping a lot.” She willed the flush beginning to brew in her face to subside. Marinette didn’t know that she knew what her job was. “But it’s still keeping me busy.”

“Oh?” she asked casually as she put the shoe down and picked up a pump that she didn’t even bother to pretend to look at. 

“I’ve still got a lot of shifts I have to cover. I… I want to see how she handles more responsibilities, but I feel like it’s too early to ask more from her. She’s still new, and I don’t want to rush her or throw her in the deep end.”

“Would it hurt to ask? I mean, worst case scenario she isn’t ready.” But that wouldn’t happen. She would be ready for anything if need be.

“I guess… but even if she said yes, two weeks still isn’t much time… I would have to make the design and draft the pattern. And I don’t like using new patterns without a mockup first. And I would have to find fabric…” 

She smiled at the sight of Marinette’s face, which was already morphing into the dreamy yet laser focused smile she always wore when slipped into the her own little world of designs and dresses and fabrics. 

 “I bet you’d pull together something amazing, even if it is only two weeks. You always do.”

Marinette blushed. “Thanks. I’d have to see if she says yes,” she hummed.

Of course she would say yes. But, “If she doesn’t, you know can always ask me for help, right?” It couldn’t hurt to remind Marinette she and Ladybug could rely on her. 

“I know,” she said quietly, “and I don’t think I can ever tell you how much it means.” 

She shrugged. “It’s what friends are for.” 

“Well, you’re the best,” she said, leaning against her in an approximation of a hug before she bolted upright. She took a few hurried steps to the next display over and grabbed something—a pair of shoes she presumed though the store also sold bags—before whirling around. “What do you think of these?” 

“They’re awesome. But I didn’t think those would really be your style-“

“Not for me! For you!”  Marinette laughed as she held the shoes out to her. 

Tentatively, she took them. They were incredible. They were open-toed sandals with straps that laced up around the ankle with straps made from a sheer black mesh, embroidered all over with black roses and twisting, thorny vines. Little black rhinestones were scattered across the straps, and packed onto the heels of the shoes, catching the light and glimmering. They were gorgeous.  

But…

“I don’t know, I don’t really wear heels…” She had always felt out of place, being taller than so many of her classmates. And yeah, boys thinking she was too tall was the last thing she was worried about, but… she frowned. She had never really known how to carry herself; being so tall tended to draw a degree of attention—and comments—she had never really been comfortable with. And so she had always slumped and hunched her shoulders, and avoided adding extra height at all costs.  

She had… 

“Oh, that’s ok then. I just thought they would look amazing on you-“

But a tigress didn’t care what other people thought. 

“But it wouldn’t hurt to try,” she said, kneeling down to look for a box in her size. Once she had the shoebox in hand, she sat on the closest bench, kicked her shoes off, and slipped the heels on. Once she had secured the straps around her legs, she stood up. The heel wasn’t too high, but between the heel and the platform… she was towering. 

“Bijou!” Rose squealed, tottering over on sparkly pink heels that were far too tall for her girlfriend to walk in without risking breaking an ankle. “You look amazing!! You’re so tall!”

Tentatively, she took a few steps in them. They were comfortable. She would still be able to walk and dance in them. And… Tigress didn’t wear heels. Fighting akumas in heels was just asking for disaster. But somehow, they still felt like Tigress’s boots. They were grounding, but agile. 

They were powerful. 

“Those really suit you,” Marinette said, grinning. 

“Yeah,” she said quietly as she took a few more steps, a smile forming on her own face as she watched the light bounce off the crystals, “they do.” 

                                                           ***

“C’mon girl, what’s wrong with that one?” 

Marinette glanced at the reflection and wrinkled her nose. “It’s just… it’s not right.” 

Personally, she had to agree with Marinette. It was a nice enough dress. It looked nice on Marinette. But it just wasn’t anything special. It couldn’t even hold a candle to the dresses Marinette usually made for herself for school dances. 

But at least Marinette had come out of the dressing room to show them this one. 

“I still don’t get why you aren’t just making one.” 

“Well-“ 

“I know, I know, you don’t have time. But can’t you reuse a pattern or something? You need to wear something.” 

“I know-“ 

“What about that one?” Alya asked, pointing to the floral dress she had found and shoved into Marinette’s hands. “Daisies are Adrien’s favourite flower…” Alya sang as her words trailed off, her grin wide and the promise of yet another scheme in her voice. 

“I don’t like daisies very much. And-” 

“I still think you should just wear the purple one,” Alix said from where she was sprawled in one of the chairs by the dressing rooms. “We already know he thinks it looks good on you.” 

“It’s not formal enough though. Besides, I-“

“He’s already seen her wear that one. If she’s going to get his attention, we need something show stopping. Something that will make him notice. Like his favourite flowers, or-“

“He likes cats, so what about this one?” Rose asked, holding up a bubblegum pink dress with white cats printed all over it. 

“I think that one’s more your style, Rose,” Marinette said. “And I don’t-“

“Oh good, I was worried if you got it you wouldn’t want me to borrow it later since you’ll be wearing it on such a big night.” Before anyone could say anything more, Rose zipped into the nearest open dressing room. 

“What about this one?” Mylène asked from where she had been rifling through the rack of clothes that hadn’t been returned to the shop floor yet. She was holding up a white dress that had horizontal black stripes running across it, except for at the bottom hem where the stripers were thick, short and vertical. Almost like-

“It’s perfect!” Alya cried as she rushed over the Mylène to take the dress from her hands and inspect it. Oh no. “It’s like sheet music and piano keys! And it matches what he’s going to wear!”

The door to the changing room Rose had gone into burst open, and she emerged in a flurry of pink and white cat-printed skirts. “What’s perfect- oh! Oh, that is perfect! And it would be so romantic if you two matched!” Rose sighed dreamily. 

This was not good. 

 “It’s actually pretty cool,” Alix, who was now sitting up properly, said. 

This was not good at all. 

“You have to try it on!” Alya said. 

She watched as Alya rushed toward Marinette with the dress in hand. She needed to do something. Anything. But she was completely frozen. It was like watching a car wreck about to happen, knowing that disaster was about to strike but not being able to do anything. 

“Actually,” Marinette said, setting her shoulders as she stepped back from Alya,”I was thinking, maybe we could check out some fabric stores after all? There’s a few not far from here…” 

“Of course we can, Marinette!” Mylène said. 

“So you are going to make a dress?” 

Marinette’s gazed darted to land on her before flickering back to Alya. “Yeah,” Marinette said, nodding, “I think I figured out a way to make it work.” 

                                                        ***

She frowned down at the two spools of lace in her hands. One had a floral pattern that would compliment the roses in her dress and shoes nicely, but the other was embellished with little black seedbeds that would catch the light like her new shoes. Her frown deepened. She liked both of them. She could just get both. But she didn’t really need two new chokers. And she would still have to decide which went better with her outfit… 

She was going to need a second opinion. 

She started making her way back through the store to the approximate area she had left Marinete when she had decided to go check out the lace options. She found her in much the same spot, by the section of dressier fashion fabrics. 

But Marinette wasn’t alone anymore. 

“-absolutely perfect!” Alya exclaimed, brandishing a bolt of green taffeta. Maybe she shouldn’t have left Marinette alone while she went to go look at the lace… Marinette was staring at the bolt with a blank expression, and Alya looked like her birthday and Christmas had all been rolled into one. “Just think, when Adrien sees you in a dress that matches his eyes, he’ll have no choice but to notice you!” 

Alya was already moving to push the bolt into Marinette’s hands. She needed to think of something. Fast. She needed to-

“That shade of green doesn’t suit me,” Marinette said coolly, taking a step back and away from the offered fabric.

Alya froze, still holding the bolt out to Marinette. She blinked. But she didn’t say anything. None of the girls did. 

Marinette shifted her weight between her feet, her cheeks flushing as her gaze darted around at the other girls.

“But-” Alya started to say. 

 “I’m going to go look at the clearance section,” Marinette said quickly before turning on her heel a disappearing between two shelves overflowing with fabrics. 

They stood there in silence for what felt like forever, but was probably less than a minute. 

Mylène hummed thoughtfully, picking at the green fabric as she looked in the direction Marinette had disappeared to. “She’s right. This wouldn’t look very good on her.”

“Plus, it would put an instant target on her back,” Alix snorted. “Imagine Chloe’s reaction if someone other than her showed up wearing a dress that matched Adrien’s eyes.” 

“I- I guess you’re right…” Alya sighed, her disbelief still evident in her voice. But then Alya shook her head, and her eyes cleared. “We just can’t let her end up wearing pink.” 

“What’s wrong with pink?” Rose asked, crossing her arms and glowering at Alya as if her honour had been insulted. Which… it kind of had been… To even imply anything negative about the colour pink was a personal affront to Rose. 

“Nothing!” Alya said, taking a step back as she raised her hands. “It looks great on her! And you!” Alya added hastily. Rose’s face softened ever so slightly. “It’s just that she always wears pink. If she wants to catch Adrien’s attention then she needs to stand out! Change up her look a bit! And just think how romantic it will be when he sees her in a new light at the dance…” 

Alya’s words had their intended effect; Rose’s frown melted, mollified by the mention of dances and romance. And the reassurance there was nothing wrong with the colour pink. 

“I guess you’re right. And it would be romantic…” except for the fact that no one should need to see Marinette wearing different colour for them to notice her “…but if she won’t wear green to match his eyes…” Rose lit up like a lightbulb, squealing in excitement. “What about red! It’s such a romantic colour…”

Oh no.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear red before…” Alix said thoughtfully.

Oh no. 

“And I bet it would look great on her!” Mylène added. 

Alya was grinning now. “It would! And… Adrien is a big fan of Ladybug… if she wears it, there’s no way he’ll miss her!” Alya crowed, already taking off in the direction Marinette had gone. “Red will be her lucky colour, for sure!” she called over her shoulder. 

Oh no no no. 

With a curse directed at Alya,  the colour red, and the Universe for good measure muttered under her breath, she followed Alya and the rest of the girls further into the store. 

                                                              ***

Thankfully, Marinette left the store empty handed. 

Which was not what she would have called a win an hour ago. But…

“I still can’t believe you didn’t get it,” Alya griped. “It was perfect!” 

Alya was too busy carrying on to notice Marinette’s grimace. “I don’t want to wear red. And I told you, I don’t want to buy any fabric until I have a design,” Marinette sighed. 

And she was sure that was true. Marinette always liked to have a plan. But she had also noticed Marinette had gravitated toward the soft, fluffy, cloud like tulles and the gauzy organzas and chiffons while they were in the store. And, she had noticed the colour Marinette had gravitated toward. 

Basically the exact opposite of the scarlet satin Alya had shoved in her face and loudly declared as the ‘perfect choice for making a dress to impress Adrien.’. 

“It’s ok Marinette,” Rose beamed, “there’s still time before the dance! I know you’ll finish your design in time!”

She mumbled her agreement. She had no doubt in her mind that Marinette would pull something amazing together in time for the dance. Especially, because she had also noticed the spark in Marinette’s eye when she had seen one bolt of fabric in particular. 

She wouldn’t be surprised if Marinette went back tomorrow with a finished design in hand. 

“So are we getting dinner now?” Alix moaned. She had been complaining about dying of starvation for the past half-hour. She had looked ready to rip her hair out when she had seen the inside of the fabric store, packed with shelves that went almost to the ceiling and were crammed with bolts of fabric. “We’ve been at this all afternoon.” 

“Oh, come on Alix. This is fun! And it’s the last dance of the school year!” Mylène chided. 

“And we only have a couple more shops left to go to! I still need shoes,” Rose chirped. 

“There’s one more fabric store I want to look at. But, it’s still a bit of a trek. So that’ll be our last stop for the day, which means,” she said, cutting off Alix’s groan, “that dinner is the next stop!” 

“We should go to Pierre’s!” Alya said as she glanced down at her phone. 

“But I thought we were going to get kebabs?” Marinette asked, her brows furrowing. 

Her stomach began to sink. The image of Alya furiously typing on her phone throughout the afternoon forced its way to the forefront of her mind. 

Alya was up to something. 

Something fishy. 

“Pierre’s is closer.“

“That works for me.” Alix was already ahead of them, walking so briskly she was basically running. 

“I guess Pierre’s it is,” Mylène sighed before moving to follow Alix. 

She cast a surreptitious look in Alya’s direction. Alya was grinning widely, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. 

 Something fishy indeed. 

She needed to do something. 

But what? 

She wracked her brain, trying to think of any possible way she could send Alya’s scheme off the rails. But she couldn’t think of anything. She glanced around at the rest of the girls. None of them seemed to put out by the change in plans. Alix actually seemed thrilled by them. But that was probably more to due with the fact that she was ‘literally dying of starvation,’ than anything Alya had planned… 

And just what did Alya have in store? Was she going to try and set Marinette and Adrien up to have dinner alone? Or was she going to pull another movie theatre scheme, where Marinette would be forced to sit next to Adrien? It was possible there was another option she wasn’t even thinking of… 

But it didn’t really matter what Alya had planned. 

All that mattered was the timing. 

She glanced down at her phone screen. 

Luka would have just finished his shift a few minutes ago. 

One of the great things about Luka’s job was discount—and sometimes even free—pizza. But what was even better about the pizza place he worked at, was its location…

Queen of Darkness 🦇: hey

Queen of Darkness 🦇: trouble clefts is having a sale on strings

Idiot 🎸: yeah 

Idiot 🎸: i got the email

Queen of Darkness 🦇: can you get some for me?

Idiot 🎸: why can’t you?

Idiot 🎸: you’re literally out shopping

Queen of Darkness 🦇: alix is hangry

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I don’t have a death wish

Queen of Darkness 🦇: plus u owe me

It was true. He did owe her. A lot. And that wasn’t even counting the favour she was currently trying to do for him and Marinette. 

Idiot 🎸: for what?

Idiot 🎸: what are you up to?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: who said Im up to something?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: u going to get me the strings or not?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I know u need more too

Queen of Darkness 🦇: don’t pretend u don’t

Idiot 🎸: fine

Idiot 🎸: youre always up to something

Queen of Darkness 🦇: just hurry up and get the strings

She bit down on her smile as she slipped her phone back into her pocket.  To get to Trouble Clefts from the pizzeria, Luka would have to pass by Pierre’s. And if he left now… there was no way he would miss them. 

“You coming, bijou?” Rose was looking at her over her shoulder, her hand held out to her. She hurried to catch up the rest of the girls—she had lagged a little behind while texting—and intertwined her fingers with Rose’s. “What were you doing?” Rose asked as they followed the rest of the girls. 

“Oh, nothing. Just checking my email…” she fought back a frown as Alya shot her a suspicious look that was so quick, she almost missed it. A frown of her own began to crease her face. Alya had been… not weird. But something felt… off. Before she could delve further into her thoughts, she was abruptly shaken from them by Rose launching into an animated debate with herself over whether she should wear the sequinned romper or the cat-print dress to the dance. 

The rest of the walk to Pierre’s was filled with idle chatter, mostly about their success so far on their shopping trip and the dance in general. She would say it was uneventful. If not for the fact that she kept catching Alya glancing at her. That wouldn’t have been anything noteworthy, if not for the fact that every time she caught Alya looking, her friend looked away… 

Add in the way she had looked at her in the shoe shop when she had asked for her agreement on finding something that would impress Adrien… 

Her frown fought to return as Alya abruptly looked away for her for what felt like the dozenth time. But it was difficult to keep it at bay. The comment had been a bit too pointed for her liking. And the looks…. 

 She shook her head. Now wasn’t the time to overanalyze that. Especially given Alya’s attention had returned to her phone, on which she began furiously typing. She didn’t know what exactly it was that Alya was planning, but she knew that there was no way she was going to let it happen. Whatever it was. She just hoped Luka would get there in time. 

They rounded the last corner and Alya noticeably slowed to an amble. 

She was stalling. 

“C’mon,” Alix groaned from up ahead, halfway between the rest of their group and the doors to Pierre’s. “I’m dying here.” 

“We’re coming,” Alya placated, still moving at a leisurely amble. 

“Not very-“ 

“Hey, babe!” She turned at the sound of Nino’s voice. Nino was standing at the other end of the short street with the rest of the guys from their class in tow. Nino was grinning awkwardly as he waved. “What are you all doing here?” Nino was a great director. And he had a good eye for acting. But he was not an actor himself. His voice was stilted, like he was reading from an invisible script and though his smile was obviously meant to be casual, awkwardness permeated it. 

But Alya just grinned. “We were going to have dinner,” Alya said—much more effortlessly than Nino had said what she imagined were his lines—as she nodded toward the doors to the cafe. 

“Cool,” Adrien said brightly with a sunny smile. “We were all on our way to grab some dinner too!” 

“Really?” Alya called, “Why don’t you join us?” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a thousand emotions flicker across Marinette’s face before it settled into a nervous frown. The rest of the girls were nodding and smiling. Well, Alix wasn’t smiling, she was too hangry for that. Her gaze darted back to the guys. Nino, Adrien, and Kim were already making their way toward them. But she didn’t see-

A flash of blue caught her eye as Ivan shifted to make his way toward Mylène. Luka caught her eye as he ambled toward them, trailing after Max. Lightning quick, his eyes darted to Alya, then back to her before quirking a brow.  

“Luka!” The second Marinette called his name, his face softened and his attention was wholly focused on her. 

“Hey, Marinette,” he said quietly as he shoved his hands in his pockets, coming to a stop in the loose little group they had formed. The idiot was trying so hard to be casual. But he was so obvious—hopefully not to Alya—what with the way he was smiling at Marinette like she was music personified. It was his Marinette smile. “It’s great to see you.” 

Marinette’s smile was bright and wide, but somehow soft at the same time. Her Luka smile. “Luka! What are you-“

“Luka,” she watched as he slowly and deliberately turned to Alya. “What a surprise, what are you doing here?” If she were so inclined, she would have pointed out that it shouldn’t have been anymore of a surprise to see Luka than the rest of the guys given the scheme had obviously been staged to be a ’casual bump in.’    

But now didn’t seem like the time or the place. 

He shrugged. “I was out buying strings and we ran into each other. They were just going to grab dinner and invited me, and you know I never turn down a meal.” 

“What a coincidence,” Alya said lightly through gritted teeth. Alya’s eyes darted to her again, before flashing back to Adrien, then Marinette. “Marinette!” Alya said, suddenly much more brightly. “You had something you wanted to ask Adrien,” Alya said, gripping Marinette’s arm, “didn’t you?”

Shoot. 

What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to stop Alya now? Luka was here! But it wasn’t like she could just tell him to do something. Not now! Not with everyone watching. Kinda. More or less. Everyone was watching Marinette and Adrien. But if she did anything now, that would definitely draw attention to herself. 

Marinette’s eyes went wide; Alya would probably say it was because she had gone off to Adrien-land, but she thought Marinette looked more like a deer in headlights. Her gaze was darting around at all of the expectant faces of their friends. Her hands were wringing the strap of her purse. 

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot-

 “Actually, Marinette,” Luka said casually, his gaze flickered to her. Something flashed in his eyes. And just as quickly as his gaze had darted to her, it returned to Marinette, and his entire face softened all over again. “I was going to call you later, but since we’re here now; if you aren’t going to the dance with anyone, maybe I could take you? Or I guess,” he had that lopsided and lovesick grin on his face, “you could take me? Since it’s for your school and all…” 

He had done it. 

He had actually done it. 

He had finally done it. 

Silence overcame their entire group. It suddenly felt like she would be able to hear a pin drop.  

Marinette’s eyes were still wide. But they had suddenly decidedly less ‘cornered wildlife’ quality to them. In fact… they were practically sparkling. And her face was melting into a dreamy smile and she- 

“Yes, I’d- I’d like that Luka. To go to the dance. With you.” 

Yes!

Just as suddenly as it had seemingly disappeared, sound returned to their group. Ivan said something about how it would be nice to have Luka at the dance too, while Kim loudly challenged Luka to a dance off—a challenge she doubted her brother had heard given the look on his face—and Rose was chattering excitedly about how great it would be to have the entire group at the dance. Nino cast an uneasy glance at Alya, which he tried to cover in a cough.

Alya shot a glare at her behind Marinette’s back, and she had to remind herself to stay cool. She offered Alya a tiny shrug and an innocent look. But Alya just narrowed her eyes. 

“Great,” Alya said. If she were gritting her teeth anymore, they would likely shatter. “It’s always nice to go to dances with a friend.” 

Her idiot brother didn’t say anything to disagree; given how dazed he looked —or too far off in dreamland, thinking up music that would go with Marinette’s dress or something—she doubted he had even heard Alya. He probably wouldn’t have noticed if a parade of akumas went by. 

At least Marinette was too busy smiling at her feet to notice. 

Baby steps. 

And she could always give Luka an earful about it later. All that mattered now was-

“Yeah! It’ll be nice to have all my friends there!” Adrien agreed brightly before turning to Marinette. “So what was it you wanted to ask me, Marinette?” 

Marinette jumped almost a foot in the air, the dreamy smile gone from her face. “Oh! I-I-You! Hair! Your hair!”

“My… hair?” 

“I need to buy my dad some more shampoo- he doesn’t like the one he bought- what do you recommend?” 

                                                         ***

She dumped her shopping bags on the floor and flopped onto the sofa, stretching out to take up its entire length. Despite the rocky start, the shopping trip had ended up being successful.  

Very successful. 

“The rest of the shopping trip was a success?” Luka asked as he looked up from his guitar. They had parted ways after dinner; he had still needed to go get the strings for his guitar and her bass, and she and the girls had still had a few shops they had wanted to get to before they closed. “You get a dress?”

She smiled to herself. Between talking with Marinette—and the rest of the gang but really Marinette—and daydreaming, he hadn’t seemed to notice her shopping bags. “Yep.” 

“Cool,” he mumbled as he fiddled with one of the tuning pegs. She watched him as he fiddled with the instrument. Luka was quiet. Not as quiet as her. But still quiet. 

And the opposite of subtle. 

It was obvious he had something on his mind. Or rather… someone, given what had happened outside Pierre’s… he probably had a lot on his mind. 

“Marinette hasn’t gotten her dress yet. In case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t!” The flush in his face betrayed his lie. 

“Sure…” 

“So…” he ducked his gaze and continued to tune the guitar she knew for a fact was already perfectly tuned. “She isn’t making her dress? I know she’s been busy but-“

“We’ll see.”

“She’s going to look amazing…” he sighed wistfully, his dreamy gaze wandering up toward the ceiling. 

“She is,” she murmured in agreement. “And you’re actually going to get to see her in her dress and everything. It’s about time you asked her out,” she said. She smirked his cheeks flushed bright red. He ducked his head to hide it, but she had already seen it. 

“Yeah, well…” he said, drawing out his words. She could hear the smile in his voice. “I would have done it sooner…” 

Her smirk softened into a smile. “I’m glad you finally got to this note in the song,” she said quietly. 

“Me too.” 

 She ribbed him with her elbow, and smiled when he looked up at her again. “You sure were her knight in shining armour back there.”

His cheeks turned an even brighter shade of red. His face was bright enough to rival Ladybug’s suit. “I don’t know about that-“

“You’re right,” she sniggered, “More like her dork in ripped jeans.”

“Jules,” he groaned. “She just seemed put on the spot. She didn’t- Alya isn’t subtle.” She snorted. Truer words had never been spoken. “And… you were right.” If had felt good to hear that the first time. And it sounded just as good the second time. “And I’m tired of stepping back.”

Truth be told, he hadn’t stepped back in a while. Sure, he hadn’t asked Marinette out before today. But the past few weeks he had been there for Marinette. Really, he always had been. And now that she was in a place where she didn’t look like she would crumble at any minute… He had stepped in when she had been put on the spot. And he had asked her out in a way that was, if not impossible, at least difficult to read as completely platonic. Despite Alya’s best efforts. And while he had ended up asking her to the dance in front of everyone—something he wouldn’t have done if the circumstances hadn’t been dire—he had done it in a way that put as little pressure on her as possible. It was typical Luka… “Way to step up.”

“She’s worth it.” She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to have heard that. But she had to agree. 

“So what are you going to wear?”

“What?”

“To the dance.” 

“Oh…” He shrugged. “I guess my good jeans and a nice shirt-“

“You can’t wear jeans!” 

“What? Why not? I always wear jeans to school dances.”

“Because you’re always playing them. But you’re going to this one. And, you’re going with Marinette!” 

“Ok, yeah… maybe I need to rethink that.” She raised a brow and glared at him. “I will definitely not wear jeans,” he amended. 

She nodded, but couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes. Just for good measure. Honestly! At least he hadn’t suggested he wear sweatpants. 

                                                         ***

Once Luka had gotten his new strings on his guitar and launched into noodling the sappiest and most lovesick music she had ever heard, she bailed. She had dumped the bags with her dress, gloves, and the laces—she had ended up getting both because a girl could never have too many black lace chokers—into her room and made her escape to the greenhouse with the copy of ‘The Art of War’ she had borrowed from the library in hand.

The air was still warm and the sun hadn’t quite dipped below the horizon yet, but the evening was definitely approaching its meeting with the night. Which mean it was the perfect time to relax in the greenhouse and get some reading in before the group chat for plotting schemes inevitably blew up. 

She had just gotten to the section on adapting to shifting circumstances when her phone pinged. Of course. Just when she was getting to the interesting part… She groaned; she had known this would be coming. But she had hoped it would take Alya at least a little longer to pick up the twins from their friend’s house.  

But it seemed luck wasn’t on her side. 

Which meant Alya was back at it again. 

Alya 🦊?!: NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???!!!

Alya 🦊?!: NOW ADRIEN THINKS MARINETTE HAS A DATE FOR THE DANCE 

Because she did. 

Because her wonderful, idiot brother hadn’t been an idiot and used the word friend. 

Rose 🌹💗: she does have a date!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Alix 🛼 : u should know

Alix 🛼 : ur head looked like it was gonna pop off when he asked her 🤣🤣🤣

Mylène 🌼 : that’s not very nice alix 

Alix 🛼 : it’s true 

Alix 🛼 : 🤣🤣🤣

Alya 🦊?!: this is SERIOUS 

Alya 🦊?!: HOW WILL ADRIEN AND MARINETTE GET TOGETHER NOW?????? 

It looked like Alya was in a full blown panic. Which wasn’t surprising given her ship was sinking. Fast. And she was floundering for ways to bail herself out.  

Alya 🦊?!: THE DANCE IS OUR LAST SHOT BEFORE THE SUMMER

Mylène 🌼 : why do they have to get together before the summer?

Alix 🛼 : can’t it wait til I’m on vacation?

Alix 🛼 : then I won’t have to see any of the gross mushy stuff

Rose 🌹💗: it isn’t gross!!!!!

Alya 🦊?!: I’m serious guys!! This changes the whole plan!!!

Plan? 

She should have known Alya would have some kind of elaborate plan for the dance, besides getting Adrien to ask Marinette or vice versa. But this was the first time she was hearing about it.   

Alya 🦊?!: @Queen of Darkness what was Luka even doing there??

 Queen of Darkness 🦇: he said he was getting strings

Alya 🦊?!: But y tonight??? Y from that store? Aren’t there others?

 Queen of Darkness 🦇: idk

 Queen of Darkness 🦇: I’m not his babysitter

Just his wrangler 

Alya 🦊?!: But y would he ask her????

Alya 🦊?!: he knows they’re meant to be!!!!

Only because Alya kept telling him that. 

Rose 🌹💗: don’t worry Alya

Rose 🌹💗: we can make a new plan for the dance!!

Alix 🛼 : I still don’t see what the big deal is 

Alya 🦊?!: WHAT DO YOU MEAN????

Alix 🛼 : So what if she has a date?

Alya 🦊?!: ADRIEN CAN’T ASK HER IF SHE ALREADY HAS A DATE!!!!!!

Alix 🛼 : exactly

Alix 🛼 : wasn’t that our plan for the fall formal before Adrien got strep? 

Oh no. 

She had completely forgotten about that scheme. 

That very ill-advised scheme she was glad they hadn’t ended up enacting. 

Mylène 🌼 : so he’s helping her make Adrien jealous?

Rose 🌹💗: we’ve never actually gotten to try making him jealous!! 

Rose 🌹💗: maybe they thought it would work???!!! 

Like Luka or Marinette would ever play mind games like that.  

Alix 🛼 : See? 

Alix 🛼 : they go as friends and make Adrien think its a date to make him jealous 

Alix 🛼 : like I said 

Alix 🛼 : no big deal

Mylène 🌼 : I guess I would also feel pretty left out if I were him too

Mylène 🌼 : since he would have been the only one not going 

Never-mind the fact Luka wasn’t a fan of school dances, he did have his own friends.  

Rose 🌹💗: and we can always make backup plans 

Rose 🌹💗: in case Adrien is too polite to act on his jealousy at the dance 

Rose 🌹💗: we’ll make sure  

Mylène 🌼 : we can meet at my place day after tomorrow 

Rose 🌹💗: we’ll come up with the perfect plan!

Rose 🌹💗: and then Adrien and Marinette will live happily ever after!!!!!

Rose 🌹💗: right girls?

Alix 🛼 : sure

Mylène 🌼 : of course!

Quickly, she typed out her response. It would look odd if she didn’t agree. Of course, she wasn’t going to agree. Not word for word at least.  

 Queen of Darkness 🦇: everything will work out 

She would make sure of it. 

Dots appeared, indicating Alya was typing. But they kept disappearing and then reappearing. Until finally…

Alya 🦊?!: K

What was all that about? It wouldn’t have taken Alya that long, or that many tries to just type that response. And it was too blunt. Too curt. 

It was suspicious was what it was…

She frowned at the screen. Waiting for Alya to say… well, something. But there were no more dots on the screen. After another fruitless minute of waiting, she tucked her phone back in her pocket and flipped back to the page she had been reading when she was interrupted. 

But she couldn’t concentrate on the words. All those little looks and glances…the comments… and now Alya’s curt response to her—sure, it had been sent to the group chat, and maybe she was reading into it too much, but it felt like it was directed at her—they were niggling at her brain. 

She didn’t like it. 

Any of it. 

A shadow passed over her head, and she was immediately on her feet, her book brandished like a weapon as she dropped into a fighting stance. You could never been too careful in a Shadowmoth infested Paris. 

The figure who had cast the shadow dropped to the the deck in front of her. 

“Ladybug?“ she asked as she straightened up. 

Ladybug nodded and smiled. 

“Is it an akuma…?” She had told Marinette to ask her—well, her ‘coworker’—for help. But she hadn’t expected her tonight. Given the look on Marinette’s face when Luka had asked her to the dance, she would have assumed Marinette was going to spend the whole night designing her dress for the- unless there was trouble which meant- but Ladybug didn’t seem to be in a rush. There was no aura of urgency in the air around her. But there was an embarrassed little smile in her face, and a dreamy look in her eyes coupled with the spark that was always there when she thought up a new design… 

“No, no!” Ladybug waved her hands as if to calm and placate. ”No akumas or sentimonsters.”  Ladybug bit her lip, flushing as she wrung her hands. Knowing Marinette was Ladybug was one thing, but it was so weird to see Marinette’s bashfulness on Ladybug. “I want to preface this by saying it’s no pressure and you can absolutely say no. But, I have a favour to ask you.”

[stellewriites]

twenty questions for fic writers 🫡

thanks for the tag @syoddeye!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

50

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

699,806

3. what fandoms do you write for?

oh god, ongoing or previous too?? uhm currently batfam, star wars, cod, st - but i’ve had a few extra that i used to write for too

4. top five fics by kudos

i’m not linking them all bc some are,,,, far from my best work. also can u tell i love a long lyric title?

if you can’t give me all, give me nothing ; memorise the way you make me feel ; the way you move like you do ; i’m addicted to the way i feel when i think of you ; took the words right out of my mouth

5. do you respond to comments?

literally every single one,, before getting this account back a few months ago it was the only way i interacted w people in the fandoms so 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it might take a week tho but i try to be quick

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t tend to do angst endings? like even in darker angsty fics i usually twist it so it’s like dubcon happy at the end 🥴🥴 sooo maybe either no grave can hold my body down or can i steal a kiss or two? or even choices made in anger

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

liiiiiterally any other fic i’ve ever written lmao

8. do you get hate on fics?

not often? BUT i usually do fluff fics and when i started dabbling in darker stuff that’s when i got more hate - specifically on one fic in particular

9. do you write smut?

yeah! not all the time but maybe 65%

10. craziest crossover:

i dont really do crossovers but my last mando fic was inspired by justified if that counts?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of,, again im not very online to be able to know :/

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah! just one but now i dont do it,, learning curve for me

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

almost when i was first starting out writing 6 years back but it fell through - katy if ur still out there i hope ur enjoying life <3

14. all time favorite ship?

ffffuckkkkkk i don’t think i can choose bc i dip in and out so often but i do tend to always come back to jaytim? they’re my for lifers i think but soap x reader is a close second atm

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i’ll always finish my wips bc i can’t stand to see them unfinished,, but it’s been like three years since i first said i was going to write my sci-fi dystopian jaytim fic and im still not past the first paragraph :/

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at dialogue and catching accents and nailing personalities pretty quick,,

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i’m so fucking slow. if nothing else, watching people write for cod on here has shown me how quick everyone else seems to be able to write :’)

and also with longer fics i’ve gotten into the (bad) habit of leaving out like integral details that i assume the reader will just know bc ive been too in my own head about it all and ive forgotten what i’ve established already; leads to decisions looking like they’ve come out of nowhere or random personality changes

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i’ve attempted it but i have to google translate it so i try to keep it to a minimum and ask for correction in the comments. sometimes i do it italicised but written in english so readers can understand that it’s meant to be another language but dont have to skip to the bottom notes or another tab to understand what’s being said

19. first fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf 🥴

20. favorite fic you've written?

idk if i’ve got a favourite,, in hindsight a lot of the ones i think about most fondly are the ones that absolutely killed me off when writing so i’ve got real rose tinted glasses about them all. however these are few that should get honourable mentions just because i like them and they didn’t pop up earlier

whew this was long i think i yapped ontoo much lmao but it was so fun!!

no pressure tags: @glossysoap @mikichko @kyletogaz @femalefemur @sentientcave @gemmahale @madstronaut and anyone else who wants to give it a go!!

[celestie0]

HALLO ELLIE!!! proud to say ive successfully managed to move on from my situationship! hope u don’t mind me rambling about this guy.

let’s call him f since that’s his initial. F and I have been friends since primary sch, he eventually had to move because his dad passed away. Anyways, two years ago we started talking again because his family visited mine. Long story short, things were complicated because we had been flirting a lil bit and he also said that ‘if you flirt with other guys, I’ll starve myself’ which Icked me so BAD. He did apologised .Last year, I ‘happy birthday’ed my way into his life and started talking again because I really did miss him, he’s my childhood best friend after all. After like two weeks? I don’t remember anymore💔 He told me he loved me and i was happy to say it back to him. (I was such a fool😭) I remember being giggly and all. On 23rd August we got into a fight because we planned to meet up and i said to him ‘okay I’m nervous. I don’t think I wanna meet up’ which made him mad. MIND YOU! we were in planning stages. i didn’t cancel on him on the day itself! I had lots of things going on at that time so him just casually saying I was PLAYING him made me so upset. He had the cheek to tell me ‘ily’ because honestly I hate when people start getting all affectionate after a fight. I hope you get it😭 the next month went okaaay until 23rd sep. (23 is like a curse at this point💔💔) I confronted him on why he hasn’t been saying ‘ily’ back it may seem something small but I hate not getting it back like excuse me? AND HE SAID TO ME ‘my ex was the only one who managed to make me feel loved’ I CRIED SO BADDD!!!! how could he say that after everything I’ve did for him. smh. yada yada things went on and in dec we stopped talking. I really did liked talking to him and all but it was too much. There was certain moments where I felt like he was just using me cause I wanted him. The times where we sexted (no nudes were exchanged, just texts.) though we did call because he wanted to hear me moan. not my proudest moments, I don’t wanna be begging for a guy’s attention again. I genuinely loved him with my whole heart :((

IM SO SORRY 4 RAMBLING ON!!!! I needed to let this out so badly 🤒❤️‍🩹 love u sm ellie

— frank ocean anon

hiii my love <3 omg GASP i’m so proud of uuu situationships are hell on earth i hope you feel at peace now!!

PLS YOU’re SO REAL FOR GETTING THE ICK OVER THAT!! i swear jealousy is only attractive w fictional men ✋🏼😭 it is NOT a cute look for actual men slsldkfjfh imo its a lil overbearing n strange haha

aww thats sad hun u guys are like childhood best friends so i imagine it was still tough not speaking :(( WOW he said i love youu n you said it backk. its ok bb if it was a happy thing in the moment then it can stay that way in your memory regardless of how stuff turned out in the end :”) be kind to yourself <3

ahhh yea thats 🚩 the whole getting mad cuz you cancelled…and no i totally get that, i hate that sort of “love bombing” after a fight, it just comes off as in-genuine. thats so valid n i relate

OH MY GOSH THE COMMENT ABOUT HIS EX ☹️☹️ WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT…some things you should just keep to your fuckin self. thats awful im sorry love 🥲🥲 you deserve SO much better than that

it’s okkk bb, you knew him a long time n even apart from relationship/situationship, there was still a friendship there too. you can really love someone but also realize theyre bad for you, those two can coexist. i’m so proud of you for realizing you deserve better than someone who makes you feel like you’re being used! no one should ever feel that way. take it easy bb but truuuly truly truly time will heal <3 chin up!! so many wonderful experiences out there for you still my dear

- much loveee, ellie ☁️

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

Long embarrassing vent/rant beneath the cut.

Hi, I have OCD (as we know). 

I also have a pretty intense phobia of something being wrong with my teeth. Not the dentist. Not dental work. Something being wrong with my teeth.

Two weeks ago ish I went to the dentist for my regular six month cleaning. They updated my x-rays, said everything looked great, got to cleaning. Yay. 

98% of the way through the cleaning, the hygienist said, “Mm, this spot is tricky” and told me my back molars are misaligned, which. Ok, panic number one cuz I had five years of work done to make my teeth straight and I wear my retainer religiously so what do you mean my molars are misaligned? And then he tells me they always have been. 

So I’m already like, “Uhhh what the hell?” because I never knew this and why wasn’t that fixed with my braces and oh my god have my teeth shifted, my top wisdom teeth never came in, maybe that’s what’s happening? But no that would have shown up on x-rays, and my nightguard/retainer is molded to the alignment of my teeth and it fits perfectly still, so there’s no way my teeth have moved--

And then the dentist comes in to check things out, and he kind of hones in on the same spot, right between my back molars. He asks for more x-rays of that spot. They did six x-rays total before something showed up. And with no preamble at all they said, “Ok we’ll just do a filling at it will be fine.”

And I started shaking. And crying. Because you’ll do what? I’ve never had that done before what does that mean what did you find on my x-rays? How did I fuck it up now? 

And they just... finish up the cleaning and tell me to go home.

As we’re walking out, I am like, “Wait you said... you said you have to do a filling, do you not?”

And the hygienist says, “Oh, no we do. But that will have to be on a different day, we don’t have the time today.”

He told me there’s the “faintest hint of shadow” between the two teeth and they want to do a filling before it gets worse. But to get to the spot between the teeth, they have to go through the top of the tooth. They’ll have to schedule an appointment, numb me, etc. etc. 

And I just... started crying and asked, “But... ok but what does that mean though? Like... what was on my x-rays?” 

And he looked very shocked and sympathetic and said, “Oh. You’ve never had this done before have you?”

And I just kept crying and shook my head.

And I just started panicking. I basically sobbed my way through scheduling, and the receptionist recommended that I do nitrous oxide at my appointment since I’ve “clearly got some dental anxiety”. 

I wait two weeks. I panic my way through each day, scared to eat or drink anything but water because I fucked up my teeth and I’m going to make them worse. I spent $200+ on dental care stuff/restocks (most of the things I already had but I bought more). 

So I’m crying and stumbling through an explanation that I don’t have dental anxiety, I am not worried at all about whatever they have to do to keep my teeth healthy, but in my head I’ve got a running mantra now of, “You fucking failure. You fucked up your teeth. It’s so fucking easy and somehow, after thirty years, you slipped up and fucked them up now and you’re a failure”. 

Then I remember that nitrous oxide doesn’t work on me. They tried to use it when they removed my bottom wisdom teeth because I was scared of the IV for the anesthesia to put me under for the procedure. They upped it until they couldn’t anymore, and I just kept getting more and more panicked until I passed out, still sobbing. And then I woke up, still sobbing.

So she tells me to contact them later to talk to someone about conscious sedation. 

So I schedule. I call. I discuss conscious sedation. It would cost 5x as much that way, but I can’t even make it through the phone call without a panic attack, so I pretty much have to. I reschedule it since I will be basically unable to do anything for 24 hours afterward. 

I sob my way to the appointment. I start shaking as soon as I sit down. Thankfully the drugs kicked in pretty quickly and I got very tired and calm. But the hygienist attendant who was monitoring my vitals asked why I needed the drugs/what I was nervous about, and I still cried even drugged out of my mind. 

They do the thing. I go home. I sleep it off. I wake up.

It feels wrong. It felt like someone slapped wall plaster over and between my teeth, let it leak out the sides, and left it there to dry. It’s rough and sharp and I can’t stop touching it with my tongue, and every time I tough it my brain goes, “You fucking failure” and I have an anxiety attack. 

By this point, I was so upset and embarrassed and anxious I basically just wept in the chair. Full body, heaving, ugly sobbing. The dentist was really nice. He kept asking how he could help me, and I just kept bawling that I’m crazy and I know I’m crazy but I can’t turn my brain off and every time I touch it and it feels wrong it sets off the mental loop again and I can’t do it anymore. 

It was done on a Friday. I had to wait until Monday to go in to have it smoothed/polished. They took off a lot. Apparently they left most of the bonding material just... on my tooth. Some material had gotten stuck to a spot of my tooth they hadn’t even worked on, and having that taken off helped. They also made it a lot lower on the top of the tooth. Just getting that off helped a lot, but it still didn’t feel right. I was still scared to eat or drink anything and it still felt wrong. 

So I went in again on Tuesday. They had the dentist come in this time to adjust it, and it was way better... but after I left I felt pressure between those teeth (probably from sanded off material shifting or something I don’t know) and had a full blown, hyperventilating panic attack. I went back to the office, they took my back again. 

They spent close to an hour polishing and smoothing it down. It wound up being 98% of the way to perfect, but there’s still one spot that’s sharp and bothersome and I can’t help but touch it constantly. And then the mental loop starts up again.

I’m going back in again today to have it hopefully polished again, and I am so desperately hopeful that once that last pointy spot is taken care of maybe my brain will relax for a few minutes and let me rest. 

I haven’t been able to sleep without a sleep aid in close to a week. I have 2-5 anxiety attacks and usually 1 panic attack every day. I’m still scared to eat or drink anything. I can’t eat or drink anything but water unless I have xylitol gum, floss, and a toothbrush with me so I can immediately go clean my teeth. But I also know that brushing your teeth too often is bad for them, so I’ve been limiting how much I eat and when so that I don’t overbrush. 

And at this point I’m so embarrassed and ashamed and upset for being so needy about it all that I never want to go to the dentist again, which would of course make things worse in the long run, which also makes me anxious. 

Even just typing this out, I’m like “Great. Now everyone is going to know I’m a failure who fucked up my teeth.” Which makes no sense. I know (logically) that it’s damn near biologically impossible to make it through life without thinning enamel or the occasional cavity. I know that there are genetic factors, hormone changes, aging, and many other influences beyond our control that can affect our teeth. And I don’t judge anyone for their teeth ever. Because I know all of this. 

I’m so tired. I’m so sad. I’m so angry at myself. My head hurts. My jaw hurts. My tongue hurts. 

This is a totally normal, standard procedure to help keep teeth healthy in a mostly preventative way, and the fact that I made it almost 31 years without having a single one is nothing short of a miracle. 

But my brain is hardwired for illogical thinking patterns and compulsions, and I can’t stop. 

And I’m sitting here anxious and hungry and upset because my appointment isn’t for another hour and fifteen minutes and I don’t want to have to brush my teeth twice before noon because then I will be anxious about brushing them after I eat lunch since I already “overbrushed” this morning. 

And my new fear is that I’m asking them to polish this thing down so much that they’ve started drilling at my actual tooth (since the filling itself is so, so small) and I’m actually causing more damage by trying to be comfortable.

It’s like I just can’t win. And I feel completely insane. 

[mothicality]

post discusses selfharm a lot, though no details beyond it being selfharm and having scars. also mentions suicide attempts (no details)

guy with anxiety experiences anxiety, what a shocker!

did. big anxieties today. wishing two people would adopt me (host of nerd club (be my dad please) + dm for my d&d group at the nerd club (be my big brother please))

earlier today i decided to go to the pharmacy on my own for the first time ever. which is very scary. i cannot go shopping on my own but pharmacy is like a middle step since less options and you can get the clerk to help you super easy. still really scary, biggest shopping ive done alone before that was mcdonalds ;-;

but i bought gauze-ish stuff and disinfectant wipes. had to ask about it and i feel like the clerk was guessing it was selfharm related but she didnt ask. she was sorta tense and cautious with her answers but she was still nice and wasnt invasive or anything, so still good experience and i got the stuff

and then. so i go to the nerd club once a week, been there four times now, and i am a very warm person and it is fairly warm there so i get Hot. so i would like to wear shortsleeves to be less hot. but i am visibly Quite Scarred, which, well. i have no experience with people who arent familiar with selfharm, so going somewhere like that with my scars visible is scary

so i messaged the host a few days ago on messenger, no answer so i asked about how to contact him personally outside nerd club and he gave me his phone number (privilege!he wants to keep his work and personal life separate so not many get access to it), so i messaged him again when i got home 4ish hours ago

and. he just replied. and im too anxious to open it but he has guessed it is selfharm. i dont really know why i didnt outright say it, it's just. difficult i guess

since i was 12, pretty much all my interaction with other people irl has been within mental health contexts

i moved into my first grouphome then. the people there were familiar with selfharm since everyone there is mentally unwell, and one of the other residents had visible selfharm scars and sometimes wounds

my second group home was for kids with more severe issues, so theyre definitely also experienced with it, and they knew i was moved to that group home because of two suicide attempts

and then outside that i'm only really ever at appointments at the psych facility or the government - all people who have read about me before meeting me, who knows lots about me and my issues and whatnot

oh and with my family, all of us are mentally ill so theyre familiar with mental issues, and my mom used to selfharm a lot and has had several suicide attempts, so theyre familiar with it through her too

but now. ive joined three clubs, two of which are in person. these clubs have nothing to do with mental health and such, the nerd club is actually just a regular school club thats been opened up to people outside the school. so...it's different here. i don't know how to...be, i guess. i don't know what is or isn't okay. it's hard

i struggle socially there - they're really kind and welcoming and understanding, but...i don't know, maybe it's just anxiety, but i feel like i mess up more than they do, even though they don't get upset with me. i'm almost constantly anxious about missing social rules and what is and isn't okay to do

bleh. so yeah. big anxiety today. but it's...a good kind, in a way, i guess. it's because i'm doing difficult things that i previously couldn't. it's...progress, development.

dont know where i was going with this. just to vent out my anxiety i guess . . . i'm glad it's getting better

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[joshriku]

hi!! I saw a rec list of yours where you were like, "i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it." -- but I HAVENT!! I'm brand new to cherik and looking for those ultimate recs, those smash hits. could you rec some ultimate cherik fic, if you have the time? i'm not big on fluff but anything too cutesy but otherwise I'm totally open!!! thank you in advance!

hiii :D i would absolutely recommend you to also browse the tag filtering it by kudos because i tend to filter out some things and i also tend to be picky with stuff so there's probably Smashing Hits(tm) i overlooked bc i was like 'nahh im not in the mood today' and my god there are so many good authors and fics that probs go undiscovered by ME. so do make sure you don't miss out on Those Hits

that being said i went through my bookmarks and i'm grabbing those ones with thousands of kudos (bc to me A Lot of Kudos are anything over 100 but i know some cherik fics have liek 5k or more so. i rec going thru the tag fr) so if i repeat myself from the other recs im very sorry but teehee here you go!!!!

these are all like. well. they don't have major trigger warnings or bad endings so enjoy

two lonely souls in a fish bowl by blarfkey: this is really more centered around pietro and erik but the cherik in it is mmmmmwah and also it's jsut so fucking good if you need to scratch that itch of 'damn i wish pietro had told erik he was his dad' like the rest of us. it's so so so good and IT'S A WHOLE SERIES SO CHECK THAT OUT THEY'RE ALL SO GOOOOD.

been there, done that by asyouwish: time loop fic! fucking love that. erik gets stuck in a timeloop before the cuba thing happens. i love seeing littl emen suffer trapped in time

i don't want to wake up on my own anymore by pocky_slash: my bookmark tag here says 'something about erik sleeping' so i reread it and i was like oghggoghg erik sleeping....so YEAH.

orphans of forgetting by pocky_slash: AHGP okay this one's fucking good listen to me. i like men going through emotional trials that fucks them up but gives them an emotionally fulfilling result. this fics good

the pretender by clocks: au where erik fake proposes to charles to get free food. they're still mutants. apparently i bookmarked this one saying 'im going to cry' and now i remember i was jsut really emotional that day and there was no reason to cry as it is a very good and funny fic. help

the whole world wants what we're on by waketosleep: and there was only one bed!

mi casa, su casa by zairaA: i love this one. it's so fun to read. charles moves into his new apartment only to find out erik already lived there. i love this fic.

shalom malakh by zairaa: ive read this oen so many times and only now ive connected the dots that it's the same author. david haller is in this fic. 10/10 showstoppin gi love MY BOYYYYYY !!!!!! but other than that it's so fucking good. what's better than coming back from the dead to haunt ur loved ones AM I RIGHT..

still life with cookies by ren: this one's cute. like a romcom. the pining on this one is so good and enjoyable i liked it so much

a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: IVE RECCED THIS BEFORE. BUT LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO I REREAD IT AND I CRIED SO LIKE HERE IT GOES AGAIN

x marks the spot by the hoyden: i fuckign lvoe this fic. every time i reread it i blink and it's over even though its like 20k words but it's jsut THAT good!!!!

the courtship by danveresque: what's better than canon characters cherik. REINCARNATIPON FICS . fuck my life thsi fic stresse dme out so bad but it was so good. i love it.

never too late to be who you might have been by acetamide: charles and erik wake up in the future (the 2000s timeline movies) and only remember up until what they know before the cuban missile crisis. chaos but also sweet shit :)

tessellation by nekosmuse: i feel like ive mentioned this one before. no MATTER. it's GOOD. IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD. it does messes with comic canon and also the xmen animated series so it's PERFECT FOR ME and i really do feel it's a classic. liek. 3k kudos should attest for a classic yeah. magneto is a charles xavier enjoyer. they meet. fall in love. Shit Happens. but like it's my favorite.

i think those are all the fics i have that are over 1k kudos long weeps.. again i SUPER encourage you to filter it by kudos when you go the charles/erik tag bc there are SO many fics with SO much content so please enjoy! i accidentally opened the tag and filtered it on august 2021 and i keep going through it. 2 years later yeah. i'm in like page 157 of it. we all make mistakes. but thank you for the ask and i hope you enjoy! :)

[spade-club]

Ive been off tumblr mostly for a few days and had the best week of my life (fri-wed)

Anyway, my friends and I are the absolute cutest. We played spin the bottle, just the five of us, and kept going around and around (to be fair we made some fucked up rules so not all of us even kissed eachother really. Others of us kissed 7 times o.o) And idk. I wish I could explain how much fun ive been having this week but its all so blurry and I may or may not have been high for the past 4 days straight which is not a feeling I've felt at all, before about four days ago. Which sounds like addict behavior, and it is, but it'll go away until it comes back later! Later me's problem! No one will be here to give me endless weed in literally two days, and im not here for the hunt, so whateves.

btw this paragraph is tmi sex stuffs ewwie look away if u dont want to know. But yea, I'm like, really understanding why people do these things. I mean, I am still a trauma sponge, so my enjoyment is very closely tied to how sober I am, but I am still understanding and craving rn, two things I didn't know I was capable of! I have never really Got The Point of sexual interactions, but no one has ever made me Feel Like This so uh, hehe, I'm starting to get it. Endlessly, I am grateful for my person <3 I am also so glad they're so understanding and kinda always the right amount of involved when I tell them things. They take what I say at face value and dont assign extra reasoning to things. If I say, "I got triggered during sex but its not your fault, and its okay," they go, "okay, thanks for letting me know!" And that's that!! Now, they sometimes ask me for pain updates during and also take those answers exactly in the way I mean them!!! & then they adjust accordingly and we move on!!! They dont let their insecurity or fear make me feel bad! And they dont make shitty assumptions on my character for no good reason!! I might be falling in love with them... but that's another tangent. I could go on about them for ever and ever

My friends and I have decided that the five of us are a "mostly platonic polycule," which has absolutely short circuit my brain bc that's all I've ever wanted, really, and it's really nice?? We all adore eachother and we paint together, and we kiss eachother, and go on five person dates, and have sleepovers, and cuddle in the back seat of the car while the other two jam to the music, and refer to a group as 4/5 or 3/5 if someone is missing. Idk, it's just nice, I know it's to be short-lived as we would not survive as a couple without the friend who came to visit (and may not be back again for months.) We will fall apart without her. We're all still good friends tho and im excited to see what does happen next!!

I have so many more songs to relate to now lol