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streamafterlaughter · 2 months ago

Text

Soundtrack to Disaster

Chapter VII: Choose Love or Sympathy

masterlist | playlist | pinboard | prev. | diaries coming soon

songs for this chapter: xo by fall out boy, lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, king for a day by pierce the veil

a/n: hear me when i say these two are absolutely in for it it. I'm also a huge fan of italics apparently

chapter tags: angst, hurt/comfort but then... hurt/no comfort (SORRY!), reader is a sensitive baby we love her, mean!Eddie, but also very sweet Eddie. swearing, smoking, drinking, reader struggles with self image / mental health (vague for now) | fic tags: angst, hurt/(eventual) comfort, (eventual) smut, slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, Eddie Munson x Fem!OC!Reader, Modern AU

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taglist: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @kellsck @faggotine @xplrnowornever @taccobelle @micheledawn1975 @mewchiili @dreamerjj @losingmygrasponreality |

The weekend comes barreling towards you sooner than you’d have liked. You wake up Friday morning with a sense of dread, Robin’s words on a broken loop in your head: what you ‘know’ isn’t the whole goddamn story. Everyone keeps fucking saying that, but no one has actually told you what you “don’t know.”. Chris hasn’t given you a goddamn leg to stand on, speaking in riddles and never once confirming or denying a thing. You’re an adult, and you wish these fuckers would start treating you like one.

On your nightstand, your phone buzzes repeatedly, a string of incoming text messages:

bobbins: so,, ive smoked some weed bobbins: im cool now bobbins: i still think there’s a lot we don’t know,, bobbins: but I’m sorry for insinuating you should forgive him. bobbins: i cant imagine how you felt that day. bobbins: i love u bb

You scramble to respond before she can get another five messages in,

it’s ok bob, i love u 2

The subject changes swiftly as she tosses questions about tonight at you one after the other. You send her pictures of your outfit choices, hairstyle ideas, personal protection list before finally asking her the question gnawing on your brain.

What if he doesn’t like me?

Robin responds by calling you.

“Hi?”

“Don’t be stupid.” She starts, not letting you explain. “He asked you out, why wouldn’t he like you?!”

“I dunno! Maybe he’s just looking for a hookup. Maybe he thought I’d be easy?” The suggestion sounds silly coming out of your mouth, and you hear Robin scoff at you.

“Look, if things start to stink, call me. Steve’s closing tonight, so he’ll be right down the street.”

You sigh into the receiver. “Okay, okay. You’re right, I’m probably worried for nothing.”

“Atta girl! Now go on, go headbang or whatever it is you people do.”

You snort as you say your goodbyes, and hang up the phone. Without Robin to distract you, you turn to the outfits you’ve spread out on your bed. Emo Nite is casual, sure, but you still want to look good. You decide on a pair of Tripp pants, adorned with metal hooks and chains, pairing it with an old Paramore shirt you cropped with kitchen scissors in high school. With your outfit out of the way, you sit at your vanity to do your makeup, extending your winged eyeliner a little further than you would on a normal day. When you’re done, your alarm clock reads 8:30, and you make your way to your car.

–

9:15.

The lights of the city seem to dance across the sky. Everything is louder here, bustling with nightlife you could only dream of seeing in Hawkins. You’re standing outside the club alone, nursing the end of your last cigarette. Maybe he’s running late? You don’t have a single unread text from Scotty. You type several different messages of your own, deleting each one before settling on “You on your way?” But its delivery is never confirmed. It’s grown cold outside, and you wrap your flannel tighter around you to keep the wind out. You should have brought a jacket, but you weren’t expecting to be outside for this long. You can hear the first notes of an old favorite song, followed by a bunch of 20 somethings cheering. Patrons are dressed in black, clad in leather and fishnets, their combat booted feet stomping into the venue. Emo Nite is a nostalgia cash grab, you know that, but you’re envious of everyone setting foot inside, surrounded by their friends and peers, leaving you abandoned at the door.

–

9:30.

The time taunts you from your phone screen. You’re waiting outside the club, the air brisk on your face. Every so often, the door swings open as someone enters or exits, and you turn to see if it’s someone for you. So far, none of them have been, and you’re debating whether or not to walk to the record store and ask Steve to hitch a ride back to his place to mope.

“Hey, Bee!” The voice calling you isn’t the one you’re hoping to hear, but it’s just as familiar. You find its source across the street, Macy waving at you eagerly as her bandmates and fucking Eddie follow behind. Oh, right. Like being stood up isn’t humiliating enough, now Eddie gets to tease you about it.

“What’re you doing out here, girl? It’s freezing!” Macy is sweet, holding your icy cheeks between her warm hands. You can tell she’s already had a few drinks.

“I’m, hm,” You clear your throat, “I’m waiting for someone.”

“A date? Eek! Hear that, Eds? Our girl has a date!” Her words send static through your veins. Since when are you anyone’s girl, let alone Munson and Macy’s?

“Mhm, okay, honey. Let’s go get you situated, yeah?” Eddie ushers her inside, handing her off to Fiona before returning to where you’re standing. Without a word, he lights a cigarette and offers it to you, and you take it without acknowledgement while he lights his own. After what seems like hours, the two of you choose to speak at the same time,

“How late is–” “Why did you–” “What?” “What?”

“You first,” Eddie gestures to you before pulling from his cigarette.

“Why did you tell Scotty to ask me out?”

“What in the world makes you think I told him to ask you out?”

“Look, she’s gonna kill me for telling you this, but Robin overheard you in the bathroom talking to Scotty at the bar. She walked in by accident, and you two had come in before she could leave. Anyway, you know she can’t keep secrets for shit, so she told me what you said to him. Why?” You cross your arms, attempting to hold in as much body heat as possible,but to no avail. Eddie notices, and immediately sheds his jacket, not giving you a chance to refuse it as he drapes the leather over your shoulders.

“I thought he was a cool dude. Thought you guys would hit it off.” His answer does nothing to satiate the hunger for every detail of every single thought that went through his brain up until this very moment. He is driving you fucking insane. “Hey, I bet I could get Macy to put you on the guestlist, so at least tonight won’t be a total waste?” Yet another peace offering from Eddie Munson. Hell must have frozen over.

He doesn’t wait for your approval before reaching into his inner jacket pocket of the coat that you have since put fully on to shield yourself from the wind, to grab his phone. After eagerly punching a few buttons, he holds the device up to his ear, plugging the other with his finger. “Hey, babe. I’m outside with Bee, Scott stood her up.” You can’t hear what Macy’s response is, but Eddie replies with, “You read my mind, honey. We’ll be in in a sec.” He ends the call and turns his attention back to you, his big brown eyes attempting, it seems, to read your mind. “You pissed?”

You shake your head, inhaling another drag of your cigarette. “Not really. Disappointed, I guess.” You pick at your cuticles, refusing to hold eye contact with Eddie, but that doesn’t stop him from boring his own into the top of your head; you can feel them penetrating your skull. “Could’a used the distraction.”

“Fancy me a distractor? Macy’s gonna be busy, I’m practically all by myself tonight.” You look up, and Eddie’s jutting his bottom lip out to pout at you.

“You don’t mind being seen with me?” You tease, flicking ash onto the concrete. You can’t imagine Eddie actually wants you to agree to this offer.

“Why would I? When have I ever cared what people think of me? Especially these posers.” He gestures to you, and you fake offense.

“Posers?! I’ll have you know I have met some of the most authentic punks at places like this, you dweeb!” You toss your cigarette butt on the ground, stomping out the embers with your boot.

“Sorry, sorry! I’m used to going to shows where people leave bloody. Not used to this side of the alternative Venn Diagram, I guess.” He flicks his own cigarette, mirroring your movements. “Shall we go inside?” You nod begrudgingly, and he opens the door to the club for you, stopping to give the bouncer your names.

–

The club is dark, expectedly. The lights flash shades of pink, purple, and blue as people dance and attempt to chat over the noise; and the whole scene is set to the music of your childhood and teen years. As Eddie leads you across the floor, you can feel your chest tighten, watching couples surrounding you, dancing or sloppily making out against the back wall. You let it sink in that you've been stood up. The first time in three years you’d even attempted to go on a date, and the guy didn’t even show up. You hum along to the song playing, a desperate plea for distraction from the situation in front of you. Meanwhile, Eddie leads you to a table away from the speakers, and shouts that he’ll be right back. You can only guess he’s off to wish his girlfriend luck.

While you wait, you observe the crowd around you, and it’s full of kids you knew in high school that used to bully you for liking this kind of music, dressed as caricatures with arm warmers and cheap chains dangling off their black skinny jeans. Conventionally attractive girls wear their eyeliner in heavy wings, their lips painted shades of dark red, dancing with boys in all black with long hair. You try not to think about what Scotty would have worn. You wonder if he even likes this kind of thing. Maybe it was a test, and you'd failed.

Just as you’re about to spiral into misery again, Eddie returns with two drinks in his hands. “You like shirleys, right? I wasn’t totally sure. I can go grab you something else if you want?” If you didn’t know any better, you would think Eddie was nervous.

“No, this is good. Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem!” He has to yell over the music.

“And, uh, thanks for hanging out with me. I know it’s like, the last thing you wanna be doing right now.”

Eddie takes a swig of his beer before responding, “Nah, definitely not the last thing. This is way better than listening to Steve talk about his latest conquest.” You picture the scenario, Eddie slamming his head against a wall while Steve goes on and on about Tracy, or Nicole, or whoever it is this week. The mental image makes you giggle, and Eddie’s smile seems to widen. It makes you uncomfortable, being so close to him. Luckily, though, you don’t get to think about it too long.

“Alright, alright! Thank you guys for comin’ out to hang with us! We have a guest for you tonight, please welcome Macy Miller, frontwoman of Statuesque Dolls!” The crowd cheers politely, these things never have people worth freaking out over. Macy takes the stage, clad in a silky black dress that hugs her form perfectly. Next to you, Eddie is whooping and hollering, “That’s my girl!” It makes your stomach churn. You’re reminded again that you’re supposed to be here on a date. You’re supposed to be someone’s girl.

“Alright, I got a couple of songs for you guys, but I need all of you up and shaking some emo ass with me, got it?!” You can’t deny Macy knows how to work a crowd. She gets people to migrate to the dance floor, and Eddie offers his hand out. “Can I have this dance?”

“Um,” You hesitate to take his outstretched palm. “What about Macy?” You point lamely to where Macy is killing her cover of Fall Out Boy’s XO.

“What about her? It’s a dance, Bee. I’m not, like, asking you to sleep with me or some shit.” Eddie frowns at you, like you’ve offended him.

He does have a point, though. One dance won’t kill you. You accept his gesture, taking his own massive hand in yours, and hope to god he can’t tell that yours is sweating. He leads you to the dance floor, waving to Macy from the crowd as he does. There’s a burn in your stomach when she blows him a kiss, and he pretends to catch it in his mouth. You’re close to bailing when Eddie turns his attention back to you, clearing his throat.

You stare back at him, eyes wide with fear that he’s going to bail, and you prepare to tuck your tail between your legs and call Robin. Instead, Eddie takes your hand again, and yanks you into his embrace. You bump into his chest, but he recovers the fumble by holding you there, free arm resting hesitantly on your waist. You’re frozen, having no clue where to put your hands, so Eddie takes the lead. He drops the hand he’s holding on his shoulder, and moves your other to meet it on the other side. He then rests both his hands on your hips, giving you enough space between his body and yours to breathe, but barely.

The song continues, melodramatic and overtly horny. That, combined with the warmth of the drink in your veins, plus the closeness of Eddie, makes you feel almost good. It’s difficult not to overthink, though, having him in your personal space, your bodies pressed together on a very hot, crowded dance floor, moving in ways you definitely wouldn't have done three hours ago.

“So,” Eddie muses, looking anywhere but at you as he speaks, but still able to move in sync with you. “How’s your day goin’?”

You snicker at his poor attempt at conversation. “Well, I got stood up, and now I’m dancing with who I would have bet this morning wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. All things considered, I think it’s going pretty horribly!”

The ice seems to crack as you speak, Eddie visibly relaxing as you sway to the music. “Okay, that’s fair. Are you pleasantly surprised?”

You look up at him, but his eyes are locked over your head, staring where Macy stands onstage, swaying with a few friends in front of the DJ booth. You shrug. “Jury’s still out.”

He snorts, rolling his eyes at you. After what feels like an eternity, the song ends and Macy queues another rock anthem to get the crowd moving again. You’re unmoving as Eddie unwraps himself from you. “We should do this again sometime.” He states, unreadable.

“What, dance?”

“Sure, or just, y'know, hang out. Be civil for once. It’s been awhile.”

You roll your eyes. “You know this can’t be, like, a normal thing. It bruises our reputation as sworn enemies.” A feeble attempt to make it a joke, though you know in your heart you can’t be friends with Eddie. The earth would cave in on itself.

Eddie chuckles. “Whatever you say, Bee. See ya ‘round.” And he leaves you alone, disappearing into the crowd.

–

It’s 11:30 when your phone buzzes. You’re four drinks deep, stirring another dirty shirley at the bar, observing the people around you having fun.

Scotty A: Hey! Totally meant to text you. Got stuck at work.

An avalanche of thoughts rumbles through you, most of them not safe for work. You don’t even know how to respond. There’s no apology, no groveling for your forgiveness, not a hint of actual, real regret. Like you don’t matter. It exhausts you to even think of what that date would’ve been like had he shown up. You type your response between gulps of liquid courage.

“Are you fucking serious?”

The "..." bubble appears, but quickly vanishes. You gape at your phone, wishing you were home so you could let out the blood curdling scream building in your chest. The anger vibrating through you needs an escape, so you lurch from your seat at the bar, rushing quickly out of the club. Eddie whips his head around as you pass him. You think you hear him call your name, but your eyes have started stinging and he’s the last person you want to see you cry.

The night air hits you hard, bringing separate tears to your eyes. Following your therapist’s advice, you start a box breathing exercise. Breathe in, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Breathe out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four.

“Hey,” The voice startles you into a hiccup. “You okay?” Eddie has made his way outside after you, leaning against the wall. “Saw you dash outta there like something caught fire. Got worried.” He says it nonchalantly, and it takes you aback. Instead of responding, you flip your phone screen towards him. His eyes scan the page before they focus back on you, shaking his head. “That is so fucked up.”

Your voice breaks with your next question. “Did you know this was gonna happen? Scotty’s your friend.”

Eddie’s face drops into a grimace. “How would I have known? Why would I have told him to hit you up if I knew this was gonna happen?”

It frustrates you how reasonable he’s being. You want someone to yell at, someone to blame, and Eddie just so happens to be the closest target. “I don’t know! Maybe you did it as revenge, or something equally as immature. Maybe you wanted me to feel the same way you did when–”

He interrupts, shaking his head feverishly. “I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Even you.” The words are a knife to your chest. You don’t like remembering what you did to Eddie that night, but it’s your fault for bringing it up. “I told Scotty to ask you out because he said he liked you. Crazy concept, I know, but i suggest you stop thinking everyone’s out to get you. I thought it would be fun, hanging out with you and him. I’m sorry it didn’t go how you planned, but blaming me isn’t fucking fair, Bee.”

He’s right, but you can’t bring yourself to back down. “It’s not fair to take someone’s brother away for six years, but you had no problem doing that.”

“Fuck you, Bee. Seriously.” He spits the words before turning on his heel, and heading inside. You are once again left alone, outside, in the cold.

–

#st #fics #munson #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson x y/n #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x oc!reader #hurt/comfort #hurt/no comfort #slow burn #angst #enemies to friends to lovers #modern au #reader is not an elder emo per se... she's 23-24ish #stranger things

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meret118 · 3 months ago

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A new exhibition at the British Library tells some of these long-overlooked tales through a selection of more than 140 documents and artifacts spanning roughly 1100 to 1500. Co-curated by Jackson and Julian Harrison, “Medieval Women: In Their Own Words” spotlights queens, nuns, authors, warriors, physicians and artisans alike. As the name suggests, the show emphasizes women’s personal testimony, “telling their stories as much as possible through their own words,” whether preserved in their writings or dictated to scribes, as was the case with Kempe, Jackson says.

The individuals featured in the exhibition run the gamut from famous figures like Joan of Arc and Italian French writer Christine de Pizan to the lesser known, including Estellina Conat, the first recorded female printer of Hebrew texts; Shajar al-Durr, the first female sultan of Egypt and Syria; and Alice Claver, a silkwoman who crafted ornate clothing for England’s Edward IV. By highlighting such a diverse group, lead curator Jackson and co-curator Harrison hope to move past widely held conceptions of medieval women’s existences being centered around domesticity and oppression by men. “Their lives were a lot more vibrant than people expect,” Jackson says, “and [visitors] will be surprised by the sheer variety of roles” that they occupied in the fields of politics, religion and the arts.

. . .

To complement these historic artifacts, the British Library asked scent designer Tasha Marks to create four fragrance installations that “evoke different scents and experiences from medieval life,” including a hair perfume and a breath freshener, according to a statement. Staff also recruited actresses to record readings of several of the written sources, “so that as visitors come through, they feel as though they’re actually encountering these [medieval] women in person,” Jackson says.

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Fascinating article!

#History #Feminism

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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wanted to throw my hat into the ring specifically in regards to james responding to the bigotry claims bc i havent seen anyone address the aspects i wanna talk abt in full yet, it kinda got long as fuck for a p short excerpt so putting it under a readmore

so here's the section (text from @storagebay29 's v helpful transcript):

"I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital,¹ I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos² that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.³

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things.⁴ I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel⁵ that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement⁶ and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus,⁷ which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…"

so! let's break this down

¹ "Before I went- before I went to the hospital" - firstly i want to be clear of my position with the "did he actually attempt" question bc ive seen some people being absolutely vile already, which is that while i understand doubting his story considering his history of lying and manipulation and obviously skewed moral compass, i also feel like it is VERY much plausible enough that publically speculating abt whether it's true or not is shitty, especially telling HIM you think he's lying. best case scenario you're right, worst case scenario you're crossing a hell of a line, and he's obviously done enough stuff that the situation can be addressed pretty comprehensively without risking getting that coin flip wrong. i think we should proceed under the assumption that lying about that is one line he wouldn't cross, and if proof comes along that he was lying then obviously fuck him, but otherwise i think that aspect should be off limits. and having said all that, even under the assumption he is telling the truth, the way he brings it up in this apology is still manipulative, as many have already pointed out, and this is an excellent example. by bringing it up right before addressing his bigotry, he a) implies to the audience that these comments in particular are a notable part of what sent him there, and therefore plants the idea that if they continue to address it while knowing how badly it's already affecting him, they'd be deliberately trying to hurt him or push him to attempt again, and b) tries to distract the audience from the fact that he's addressing his bigotry and get them to go easy on him, since clearly he's already punished himself over it enough. but harming yourself does not actually make up for harm caused to others, and even if it did, unlearning the bigotry that caused the harm in the first place doesnt end at "feel really bad about it," that's actually step one. and as i'm sure you're already aware and i'll get into more in points 4 and 5, whether he's even at step one yet is doubtful!

² "And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos" - others have covered his passive voice the whole way through so i won't dwell too long beyond pointing it out, it's mostly just highlighted here bc of how it ties into the next point

³ "But I promise you I did not write that stuff." - just, beautiful in so many ways. performance art, even. firstly, the fact that one of the closest places he comes to calling it plagiarism is in defense against a second allegation? just lmao. and secondly, this is about the most solid proof you could get that he indeed did not watch hbomberguy's video (or at least the whole thing) because hbomb very conclusively showed that if there are /any/ original thoughts of James' in his scripts, it is the bigotry, because he showed multiple examples of James /specifically/ rewording things he plagiarized to ADD IN the bigotry. so then tying back to point 2, his passive voice then becomes about ten times funnier here because he was just. blissfully unaware we all already knew exactly how it "made it into" the script and that his next statement would be a lie. just incredible

⁴ "I don't think those things." - notice the lack of specificity here, the most he can say is "people think i hate these groups" and "i don't think those things" and not "this is exactly what i said that was harmful, here's how it was harmful, here's the correct version of it, and here's how to avoid similar pitfalls in the future", yknow, like what people do when they actually accidentally say bigoted things bc they don't know any better? and again this point ties into the next one:

⁵ "I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you." - ah yes, nothing says apology like "i'm sorry you felt like what i said was hurtful," where the message is less "i did something wrong and hurt you, i regret this and want to fix it," and more "you were too sensitive and got your feelings hurt by something i didn't intend to be hurtful, but i GUESS i'll be the bigger person and say sorry even though i didn't actually do anything wrong🙄". and see again 4, if he actually had looked into it and learned why it was wrong, he wouldn't be saying people "felt" delegitimised. he would be explaining why people reacted that way ie what it was a reaction to, why this reaction was correct, and providing actual information about asexual people. but he doesnt, because he didnt, because he doesnt care. which is all ESPECIALLY fucked because in saying it this way he's. delegitimising what they were saying. like some kind of fuckin aphobia ouroboros

⁶ "when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement" + ⁷ "And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus" - here we are, the crown jewels. so obviously ppl are already talking abt the performative allyship of "but my best friend is minority and they said it was fine!!1!" which is fucked up on its own, but then the fact that he immediately jumps to "and also i'm not throwing nick under the bus" shows us that within the greater context, point 6 did indeed mean "the bigotry in the scripts that i am currently apologizing for and explaining the presence of in this section is there because i repeated the things nick told me were true, these ideas originate from him." aka blame nick, not me. but then he remembered that scapegoating nick is also something people are accusing him of so he had to backtrack over it, which if it was actually an innocent statement, it yknow. wouldn't need to be backtracked over? it's like he thinks just because he doesn't outright say "nick has bigoted ideas that i parroted so basically its his fault" that no one can pick up on the subtext? and frankly i don't know much about nick (or james beyond this whole thing tbf so obv take everything i say with the whole shaker of salt) so this very well could be the truth to a degree, but if nick does hold bigoted views too, that's TOO. not instead. for james to repeat them without question to the camera means he doesn't disagree. even if hbomb hadn't proven the bigotry did originate from him, it would still be meaningless, because if it came from nick then that would just mean james decided to stay close working friends with a shitbag and repeat all of his garbage to his fans uncritically!

so in summary, in just this one chunk he: reminds you to be extra niceys to him because hes delicate right now, immediately lies about where the bigotry came from, talks around what he actually said wrong or that he was in the drivers seat for it, then blames nick for it before hearing himself say it out loud reminds him people are picking up on that now too and has to walk it back.

to spoof the roblox oof video: when we look at the sum collective of all of his claims regarding his bigotry, and we put it in context with. the fucking everything about him. when james says the bigotry didn't come from him, this might just be me. but I don't believe him!

#james somerton #i shouldve gone to bed like an hour ago cause ive got a doctors appointment tomorrow but my sleep schedules fucked #so instead this happens #hbomberguy #tw suicide attempt #tw suicide attempt mention #also to be fair hbomb only proved the bigotry /often/ came from him and specifically misogyny #but again given the everything of it . lol. lmao even.

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arsonstick · 2 months ago

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tell me abt ur favorite oc!!!

OK!!! you migjt want to sit down for this one. also its under cut cause i accidentally made it really long sorryyyy

his name is dr. allistair mothh (hes the one ive been obsessively posting about recently) and he sucks soooooo badly </2

basically his story is. hes a general surgeon who studied alongside a "dr emoto." him and emoto grew closer and closer as they went through school together, and often danced a line between best friends and romantic partners

now mothh is the type of guy who doesn't like to not know things. hes a very organized person and it only doesnt really bother him is if it's on his terms. he'll do whatever he can to get an actual answer. so him and emotos relationship was very frustrating to him. he wanted a defined label. tbh hed probably be fine with either he just wanted an answer

anyway. after they both finished their education, mothh was offered a job by the government (mary bell radiation authority) that ran the school (mary bell university, located in mary bell township). he accepted the offer, only because he assumed emoto had both gotten and accepted the same/a similar offer. he thought they would still have time to work it out....

but! emoto didnt. and by the time mothh found out it was too late and it was already time for him to leave. womp womp

anyway. while mothh was doing his job way off in Somewhere™️ a group of arsonists burnt down the MBU, which not only educated people but held a majority of mary hell township's records.

emoto i think he stayed in mary bell township, but he died prematurely (this is still kinda up in the air. dont take my word for any of this paragraph) and his records were kept in MBU. however. due to the burning of the MBU. his records were permanently lost

mothh came back to mary bell township, only to find out that. not only did his only chance to rectify anything was gone, but his beloved university had been burnt down to the ground and almost everyone he knew had either died or moved away

so basically he comes back to loss after loss, and he doesnt really know how to take it. hes a very introverted person, and it takes a lot for him to be willing to talk about. anything really personal. much less something on this scale

so he gets stuck in the cycle of grief, getting angrier and angrier and eventually he starts twisting around his memories of emoto

he starts to think that maybe emoto hated him for still taking that job even though he knew they wouldn't be together. he starts to think that emoto held a grudge for that, and that maybe he couldn't have saved their relationship after all

this leads to him denouncing any connection with emoto (maybe. i might change that i came up with that a While ago and idk if it fits anymore)

theres more but! that is spoilers for Some People who Follow my Blog so i wont post them here <2 also theres more characters to explain for it to make sense and i. already have a wall of text here

to thank you for reading so far!! heres some Mothh Fun Facts!

hes actually based off of an album! albeit i did. add a lot to his story. the albums surgery by machinery of the human heart btw

if i had to pick 3 bands to represent him it'd be machinery of the human heart (duh), los campesinos!, and the mint chicks in that order

ive gotten two people to draw him so far <<<<2222

hes arospec allo to me... best label that fits him is cupioromantic but the way i described it is "someone whos aro but wouldnt mind being in a romantic relationship. like they would prefer other types but if push came to shove theyd do it"

a lot of people in his story are references to other songs! emotos one, as well as the whole. "mary bell" thing

the song that i think is the most himcoded (outside of any tracks off surgery) is we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!

#arsonanswers #dr mothh

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roguemonsterfucker · 2 months ago

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relating to the discourse

a frustrating thing ive noticed that some people dont really even demand actual consent from fiction, they demand characters essentially acting as if they consent, sometimes in very specific ways, regardless of if they realistically are in a position/state of mind to do so. 'yes i consent :)' negates concern for ones safety, or an overt power imbalance, or any other messy circumstances, and the author can say everything is consensual (and noncon is gross! how dare you think that's ok to depict!)

for the record i am noncon fiction enjoyer. this is just something ive noticed that seems to go hand in hand with general poor understanding of consent, and when and where it actually matters (ie reality)

That's an interesting observation! I admit, I haven't seen that myself but I honestly don't read a lot of stuff on tumblr these days. I totally believe it, though.

What I have observed, however, is similar. I've seen an outright refusal of writers to acknowledge that what they wrote is noncon. There's a writer of a certain fanfic that I do actually like, BUT they have a warning at the front that the fic doesn't contain noncon when... it does though. It can't be anything BUT noncon if someone is sold as a sex slave and has no real choice and is actively saying "no stop" in the text.

These people think noncon is so bad that they will convince themselves that they'd never write such a thing... while writing it.

Which is why I find what you're saying totally believable. I can believe there are authors so stuck in this purist mindset that they think having a character say they consent when the situation can't be fully consensual is enough to make it not that horrible evil noncon that no one should ever write (this last bit is said jokingly).

It's actually really scary because last time I had this discussion on this blog, I had someone message me to say that they didn't realize something that happened to them was sexual assault/rape until they were reading noncon fiction.

Which is why I feel it's so fucking important for writers to know when they're writing noncon and dubcon. There's nothing wrong with writing these things for our enjoyment, but I still think it's important to treat these things with an appropriate level of care. Care that simply can't be taken when the writers themselves refuse to acknowledge what they've written.

I think I talked about this in regards to Fifty Shades of Grey. I haven't read those books, but I've watched the movies and I often rewatch Folding Ideas' videos on the topic and the author of the books adamantly refuses to acknowledge that there's any dubcon or abusive elements in her books. That's dangerous in my opinion.

Write all the abuse and noncon you want, but don't pretend that you're not writing those things.

This purist mindset is dangerous for many reasons. But this trend of writing noncon/dubcon/abuse in all but name is scary to me.

#i just woke up i'm so sorry this is all over the place

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vryivs · 2 months ago

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fanfic writer interview

thank you @tiesanjiaoshenanigans

How many works do you have on AO3? 52

What's your total AO3 word count? 571, 768

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Tangerine, Macaron (seongjoong)

the dirt that you're made of (yanqing)

恋の予感 (the longest path to us) (seongjoong)

If I Can Leave One Memory (sansang)

the stars are here (seongjoong)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes!! i usually go through my comments right before i upload a new fic or chapter, just because that's easiest

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? god um ok. one sec. it's definitely 白镜 - White Mirror. tragic lesbians... most of what i write has a happy or at least ambiguous ending but this one follows canon so it's a tragedy instead

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? oh man! tbh it's probably 恋の予感 (the longest path to us) again. although nearly everything i write ends happy

Do you write crossovers? not rlly... they just don't appeal to me that much so I've never written them. i dont read them either

Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! considering how long ive been writing it honestly kind of surprises me--its not even like i write particularly safe stuff either. i figure that maybe its because so much of my work is so personal that a people tend to maintain good etiquette and dont talk shit directly to me

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. the cinematic kind lol. last time i wrote something explicit was fine, but i much prefer writing smut in a more literary style? not sure if that makes sense. the writing equivalent of close shots and fancy camera angles and lens flare, although that doesnt mean that i cant be crass when i want

Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so, but its not like i check

Have you ever had a fic translated? nop! someday i want to get good enough to translate my own hsr work into chinese just bc so much of what i write is influenced by reading and learning about chinese culture and linguistic quirks, but that wont be any time soon

Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!! several actually. lonely 'til you hold me was a collab with a pinch hitter for the event it was for. then i also wrote on my old account Accursed Spawn with @shineoftherainbow which to this day i am obsessed with

What's your all-time favorite ship? oh man... i am fickle and my tastes change by the week, but i think i will always have a soft spot for einsla, even if i dont write them much

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? never say never but probably the seongjoong royalty au. i had it planned and everything but then people started discoursing around eden and the planned ending i wrote was potentially too topical, so i waited and then i lost steam.

What are your writing strengths? flow i think? ive always been pretty good at keeping things moving at a good pace. i edit myself a lot (and practice editing on some actual published books too!) so its become second nature to chop and change and move things around.

What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing. just kidding. probably that when i get stuck on something i tend to focus only on the fact that im stuck and cannot continue until i have unstuck myself

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? depends on what is meant my this! if it's about honorifics in dialogue (eg, hyung, -chan, dajie etc) i support it, since a lot don't translate well to english. Same with terms of endearment like -ito and -ie. if it's whole dialogue, it really depends. am i supposed to be able to understand the dialogue? is it something that could've been written just as well with 'he says, in [language]', does the author understand what they're writing, is it a text based or verbal conversation? does the pov character understand what's being said? (personally the best way to have dialogue in other languages is if the pov character isn't supposed to understand it. but always be aware that a native speaker of that language may still read the fic)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? kiamei! i love my lesbian mothers.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

白镜 - White Mirror. lets go lesbians! i really enjoyed writing in this style

tagging: @shineoftherainbow @himbodevotee @nicenightmare13 @morifiinwe @marichild @linhuine

#iv.txt #tag game

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omi-papus · 1 year ago

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Im starting to genuenly dislike a certain subset of fanfiction readers because you can tell that they took the attitude of defending the creative and artistic merit of fanfiction, and twisted it into demanding profesional level quality from unpaid, usually young or underage authors and will bitch incesantly about how “non of the fics are good” when most of them are and even the meh to bad ones are a lot of fun. Like I love that we are respecting the incredible craftsmenship of some authors but you have failed as a fanfic reader when you stop viewing it as a comunity of similar people all taking a crack at some concepts and having fun and giving eachother feedback, to “Give me free bestseller novels, and if I see a spelling error you are a failure” in a space that is built to be safe to fail in. Especially when it starts then becoming about “acuracy” to the source material and internal logic of canon. And essentially judging fanfics as if they where oficial material made by profesionals.

Thats one thing I really did like about wattpad sometimes, is that nobody really gave a shit about minor quality checks, like if the only dialogue tag you ever used was “said” didnt matter at all as long as your plot was fun and went in a satisfying direction. (Spanish speaking fandoms had this on mass it was lit)

Like obviously you dont have to read every fic you see, I see emojis in the text and know its most likely not going to be fun and I drop it quite quickly after that. But like bruh Ive powered through that pet peeve because some of those fics turn out to be batshit insane and its the most entretaining thing Ive ever read.

That and 9 times out of 10, the people that have these expectations are readers that have never tried to write anything, and just become entittled because they have never actually participated in the fanfic space. And also a symptom of being in masive fandoms where they have a billion fics and can get supper picky and then decide that those types of fics are the only ones that should exist.

Ive seen, some of you fuckers bitch about second person POV when Y/N has built this nation and you need to respect her.

If I see another video thats like “When you find a completed long fic with the exact pairing, plot and tags you want… but it uses Italics to emphasize words🤮” Girl I will sell you to One direction myself if you dont stop talking shit.

#fanfiction #fandom #AO3 #wattpad #writing

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homestuckexamination · 1 year ago

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okay, you do homestuck, right? ive got this project idea in the works. basically, its homestuck, but thematically inverted. i havent actually finished homestuck, but I made it a long way in, to around Dirk's Derse Coup. i have some questions if you dont mind.

first of all, ive observed thus far that Homestuck id about discarding yourself. characters gradually lose defining traits and get closer to the platonic ideals of their classpects. strife specibi seem to represent that which ails our heroes. to become a god, you must sacrifice your earthly waking body on a magic bed, succumbing to an endless sleep to live forever within a dream. for my version, I wanted to do the opposite, having characters become more of themselves instead of less, and kill their dreamselves to truly "wake up," but first i need to know if these observations are actually valid if you read the whole story, and more generally, how valid is this idea?

any help would be appreciated, thanks!

Now let me preface this by saying: You can do anything at all. You're not restricted by anything other than your own creativity, and largely speaking, so long as you think it's cool/works, any approach is valid. Similarly, Death of the Authro, yadda yadda, there's all manner of divergent readings on a text. So anything regarding personal projects is really largely up to the taste of the author.

That being said, if you're asking me on my take on this theme in the text of Homestuck, I'd say that while you've definitely noticed one of the Big Themes of Homestuck, I'd argue the way Homestuck goes about it is the inverse- Taking the 'Platonic Ideal' of a character, while some characters that achieve Ultimate Self status are in fact better off, namely the Sprites or those sidelined in some way, the loss of self that comes with it is largely showcased as a Bad Thing in the instance of those who already were more important/relevant to the main cast. Even then, and while intrinsically tied to their Classpect, the characters still have their own particular spins on the Classpects- A Classpect is too broad a concept to have a singular 'Platonic Ideal', just as often times the Platonic Ideal of their character can contain contradictions in the 'whole' of their existence!

Homestuck is, first and foremost, a Coming of Age story about Teens growing up into Adulthood, with all the pain, trauma and baggage of carrying the legacy of their world, and their families, on their shoulders, in one way or another. SBURB wants the characters to go through an Arc, develop, and become worthy gods, but as we see time and time again, this is not always necessarily in a character's best interest, and the idea of the Self, what makes you You, if you're still You as time passes, as your body changes, as you become something metaphysically completely detached from what you used to be, and how this affects your interpersonal relationships and your relationship to the world around you, is far more complex than simply 'discarding traits to become closer to your Classpect's Platonic Ideal'.

You succumb to sleep in the Quest Bed, but simultaneously, you do wake up as your Dream Self. Whether you take this as being taken by this Platonic Dream, or truly Waking Up to the true nature of your existence, that's a matter of taste and views. Likewise, this doesn't make the characters that didn't God Tier or die and become their Dream Self any less likely to undergo changes to their Self and 'wake up' in their own right.

It's a complex story! It tackles a lot of themes of the self, agency, growing up and the like, and that is always messy. Some are happier becoming something else. Some cling to what they were. Some were always hiding what they truly were. Some are still figuring out. And that's fine. The metaphysics of SBURB are a device to explore the different ways all of this affects the characters! So the most important thing I'd say is less the validity of the observation in regards to an Inverted Version of Homestuck based on your views, and more:

How would this scenario affect the characters differently, and what new hurdles/feelings/predicaments would this create in their development and the story?

#Homestuck #HSE #Dream Self #Class #Aspect #Prospit #Derse

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rawmeknockout · 5 months ago

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i have some thoughts about degrees of lewdity but this isn’t a review these are just my opinions and observations

i want to preface this by saying, although i like text based smut games, im not some connoisseur and i haven’t played that many. really my deepest exposure is fenoxo’s games and maybe a handful of others i haven’t played in a while.

so i totally went in blind, i have seen the names of characters floating around and ive read a fic or two about it on here if the set up or summary piqued my interest, but i already had some preconceived idea of what it was about and the general set up (i ended up so wrong lmao) so i didn’t bother looking up anything about it because i was fairly certain i knew it was about your player being in college and interacting with the town or whatever

i had the view it was like friday night funkin??? not in gameplay or story but like that generally it has a lot of hype around it and a pretty voracious community (i was already aware of mods for the game so i think that also made me think of fnf which also has a lot of mods) and that most of the appeal is the hype built up around the game. not saying that’s bad but that was my general idea/opinion of it idk why lmao

i was kind of white man jumpscared by the actual contents of the game. i didn’t find any of it triggering necessarily but i didn’t expect it to lean so hard into certain fetishes. im pretty desensitized to a lot of hardcore kinks in smut so it wasn’t a deal breaker for me bc i was still interested in checking out the game, and there’s options in the default game to turn off certain interactions, but i definitely think people should look up the trigger warnings for the game first and not just jump into it blind like i did. i had a totally different idea of the game so i didnt even think i needed to look up what it involved.

in my brief experiences of the game through the fandom, i imagined it as a college student in a sex game sorta akin to things put out by fenoxo now, but it’s more like the first Corruption of Champions (which you can only find through an internet archive these days probably because of the contents of the game idk if fenoxo has disavowed it or whatever but they’ve certainly left that project i believe because they also have a patreon that they rely on)

your character is a high schooler and i believe it’s mentioned they just turned 18? there’s a disclaimer that all characters are 18+ but i don’t think it’s ever mentioned in game or if it is its like a passing thing. not that like,, ages are ever heavily mentioned in any media but i know there are some people who would like it explicitly stated. in my opinion, going into any 18+ game, i just expect all characters to be 18+. id prefer them even older than that but ive never come across a game where i was jumpscared by a minor.

i think it’s set in a high school because that gives stricter penalties and set ups for consequences? if your in college and you skip class no one’s gonna hold it against you because you’re paying to skip school lol that’s the penalty. also high school tends to be a pretty traditional set up for a game it gives the creator the opportunity to involve a learning mechanic and sets a place for interactions and a structured time table for most of the week. another function is that, as a porn game, some people are in to being barely legal and an object of sexualization because of that. the game leans heavily on having authorities outside of the players control because as it turns out the whole town is essentially hell. we are straight up in the devils asshole right now and we don’t even know it.

one of the most stressful things going in on the first game is the need to make money, you owe money to the orphanage caretaker and you need it by the end of the week every week and this mechanic does NOT go away. it increases until it caps out at £2000. the game is in britain? so you know you’re in for a bad time.

the game is pretty hard going in i’m not gonna lie maybe im just a filthy casual when it comes to smut games but i found the penalties for repeated encounters, which are hard to escape from, racked up quickly. i was playing on normal but there is a soft mode, but i personally just wanted the regular experience of the game. i get that it’s realistic, in a sense, to have trauma and stress pile up quickly but if you let it get out of hand you get sent to the asylum!!! which is not much better!!! and when you get out you still owe money to Bailey when you haven’t been able to work 😭 very real very landlord

after playing the default game for a little bit i quickly searched for a better looking mod. part of the appeal of the game is the customizable character. i am fine with a gaia looking avatar but i just prefer the Bees mod avatar. i believe its one of the more popular mods but other than that i haven’t looked for any other, partly because i play in browser. i dont really like to download games if i can help it bc i play on ipad while im scrunched up in bed like a cozy shrimp.

my favorite named NPC is Sydney, followed by Avery. Avery gives you and has old man dick so im weak. Sydney, i haven’t played all of his content because i don’t want to lower his purity 😔 i know a lot of his content is locked behind that but he’s so sweet and cute i don’t want to. i will probably eventually. Sydney is your one bastion of normal interaction (other than Robin and even that isn’t true for long) in a sea of fucked up. Sydney also is a member of a cult. 😀 a cult that you can get involved in at your own risk. don’t do it.

the worst is probably Kylar. at least with high combat you can take care of Whitney, with Kylar he’s just a freak. he’s cute in some instances but in others he’s unbearable. he can also kidnap you and apply the stockholm syndrome status effect. 🤨

i generally, through every game i play, do the typical ‘good guy’ route. even in a game i have a hard time escaping the socially acceptable response and not doing the ‘right’ thing. this is true when i play COC or Trials in Tainted Space or really any game any genre. i’ll probably explore other routes but i wont be happy about it. idk i like to play good guy i like to be nice. my combat skills built up quick as a result because you will get into so many assault encounters but i think thats true regardless.

btw don’t bother with any other job unless you want to do sex work, just work the temp agency the entire week. it’s closed on weekends but it’s the most reliable source of money imo and doesn’t have a strict time table other than opening and closing. you can just go in and work whenever. if you get the boss to like you he’ll give you a bonus too.

i ended up looking for info on certain features and stories of the game which led me to reddit, as searches often do, and i inadvertently found out more info about that game AND the creator which dampened my idea of the game, but not necessarily in the way you would think. while i am generally enjoying playing, although it can be difficult bc it relies a lot on combat in interactions and you don’t like get to fight in a traditional sense (it can be hard to tell how ‘strong’ your character is i guess? lmao), i found out that despite the actual hardcore contents of the game, that include trafficking, there is no abortion feature. which is so funny to type out. however the creator has made it abundantly clear there will never be an abortion feature?? which okay i just have to say that’s a wild feature to have in game anyway but it makes sense!!!! because it’s a porn game where your character can get pregnant!!! but if you use the cheats version that is available in the options, you can delete a pregnancy HOWEVER it makes it very clear in the text accompanying the cheat that “this is not an abortion, this is a cheat”

look, deciding to add that is, in itself, betraying a sort of political stance no matter how much you wish to avoid it. i’ve heard through others that the creator wants to convey the actual trauma of SA, which obviously can include carrying a pregnancy you don’t want, however having an abortion you don’t want is also traumatic??? as someone with a vagina, living in a place where i cannot do as i wish with that vagina, it left me with a feeling of distaste towards the creator and the game. in a game where your creator can get SA’d BACK TO BACK you cannot then deal with the potential outcome of that??? you just have to like carry it if you don’t use the cheat version? it’s easy enough to access but the text accompanying it is blatant.

i believe that this is because the creator relies on donations on their website and because of the contents of the game they aren’t allowed to have a patreon (but don’t quote me on that because i haven’t checked the main site all i know is that certain games have had to change their contents bc patreon wouldn’t allow them to continue functioning on their site as is) which i am sympathetic to, however uuuh making a statement next to your cheat is in itself a way of signaling politics. in my opinion. as someone this actually affects. lol.

i think the creator has made a statement regarding some of the interactions as people in costume? maybe to like give plausible deniability? but like,,, the game is what it is because you made it that i would just lean in to it. they might have a hard time tho finding somewhere to platform their game or gather donations because of that, so i dont think its the weirdest thing for them to deny the contents of their game as how they appear. im sorta just shrug at this moment, i would prefer someone to just take their creation as it is but its probably more to do with the rules and stipulations of places like paypal and certain domains. i wouldn’t know. i dont mean to come off judgmental or like this is some horrible transgression, i get that collecting money online is a hassle if your main source is a smut game and i have no experience doing that so again shrug. if its what they have to do its what they have to do. again i think its like COC where its almost been wiped from the internet and remade into COC2 by the creators, and even then they’ve had to change some of the contents because patreon and paypal are pretty stringent about their rules.

i’ve skipped a lot of the contents of the game because first i think tumblr would nuke me from orbit but also a lot of it is genuinely very dark and triggering. this is not a game you should jump into without looking up the setting and gameplay prior. you should most definitely at least look through the advanced options before starting the game and look at each option you can toggle on and off because it will give you a better idea of what you’re in for.

#txt

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nerves-nebula · 1 year ago

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Sorry just saw a post saying you do actually DO get taught media literacy and critical thinking in English classes and I was homeschooled until high school, but Ive also been to three different high schools across two states of america- which isn’t a lot but is more than most people get (assuming that most people go to one high school for four years instead of switching schools every year) and let me tell you. The English teachers almost always had the same problem. And I generally liked them all! English wasn’t a class I super hated!!!

Even my favorite English teachers didn’t really end up fostering a love of reading into the material or actually critically thinking about stuff.

What they all liked to do was talk about and lead you into THEIR interpretation to the point of basically dismissing any other readings. At best you’d get a “that’s a good point too, but I was thinking of something else” and at worst they’d basically just dismiss it with a clear lack of interest. As if you didn’t “get the point” for focusing on something else.

I remember this because there were a lot of times when I was bursting to talk about the parallels id drawn of the assignment to my personal experiences but I was too embarrassed or afraid or annoyed to because the few times i or anyone else tried to speak up the teachers were basically uninterested unless you hit on the specific reading they were obsessed with. At which point they’d talk at length about symbolism and stuff that, while interesting to me, was also hella annoying!!

My English classes made me afraid to get into academia because they all made it seem like there were one or two proper ways to read a story and if you didn’t immediately come to one of those conclusions then you’d be treated like you were stupid or hadn’t actually read the text.

This post also claimed that English classes teach you how to spot misinformation ???? The only thing even close to that would be history classes where we would sometimes discuss propaganda. Most of English class is reading assigned literature and then painfully sitting through the teacher trying to lead us into their interpretation. And sometimes you get to write things.

At MOST you’re gonna get the teacher telling you that something an author says is incorrect or a lie or that they’re biased but you don’t usually practice how to spot misinformation when you’re not prepped to find it.

I gained more critical thinking skills from being annoyed by the teachers readings and tearing them apart in my head than I did from any actual assignments. But that’s because I already cared about stories! So i wouldn’t have even had that if I didn’t already have some kind of interest in the classes subject matter!

Does all this stuff you’re supposedly taught in English class happen before high school?? What schools are you guys going to because from my experienced, American high school English classes (like a lot of classes) don’t really teach you shit unless you’re already interested in the subject.

I also think it’s pretty useless and mean spirited to imply people who didn’t learn that stuff were just idiots who didn’t pay attention. It’d be way more helpful to encourage people to want to learn stuff after school ends!! Not just because learning is fun but also because I feel like a lot of people see learning as something you can only do in schools & such and don’t see all the opportunities for self improvement past that!

Sorry I have no idea why a single one paragraph post bothered me so much, I think it’s cuz it’s past 10 pm 😭😭😭 so slightly annoying things lead to entire damn rants. I don’t even know if they were talking about American education I just was suddenly flooded with a ton of memories and barfed them out here.

#nnstuff #rambling #sorry look I get the urge to push back on the idea that school is useless #but what are you guys talking about #school #I LOVE STORIES THEYRE ALL I WANT TO TALK ABOUT #that’s why English clsss was so damn annoying #it was so close to being what I wanted 😭😭😭#I think there was like one or two actual discussions that felt like people really got their ideas out #and even then I remember the interjections of the teachers kind of dampening things #anyway this doesn’t super matter #hence why I’m vaguing it instead of arguing with op

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dateamonster · 8 months ago

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i saw on your storygraph that youve read Playground by Aron Beauregard and gave it 1.5 stars. a coworker told me about the book and i was debating if i should read or if it would just be mental torment. what were your thoughts on the book?

first of all yayy i love when people check out my storygraph! now about playground, i should give a sorta disclaimer that i try not to rate books predominantly based on like my own enjoyment of them or agreement with the text as much as on how well i think the author achieved what they seemed to be trying to do. i didnt hate the book. at least, ive seen a lot of people responding to it with this sentiment of like "wtf a book like this should never have been made" and i seriously disagree with that. that said, i just don't think its very good lol.

imo it falls into the trap a lot of indie extreme horror writing does where it feels so in love with its own gratuitous grossness and shock value that it loses a lot of its impact as a whole. the writings not bad, most of the time, but you can sorta tell which scenes were the author really straining to disturb the audience as much as possible, and its not like it was entirely unaffective. just... mostly.

storywise... there were a lot of characters and most of them got very little development, especially the ones that actually stood to be somewhat interesting. it rushes pretty quick into the horror so theres not really any sense of anticipation, and from there its just kind of beat after beat after beat with no escalation or sense of resolution. there are aspects i find interesting- a multi level saw trap styled after a massive playground is a really fun concept imo, and the dynamics of one particular family make me wish it was kinda just about that family so the story could go deeper into their unique disfunctions, but the end result didnt really do it for me.

i think theres a lot of attention payed to the more shocking, grotesque aspects of the book in an "omg what did i just read aaa get the eye bleach" kinda way, and thats fair lol its pretty intense, but imo that discussion kinda distracts from the fact that its just really not a very good story. id probably check out a future book of arons because i think theres potential for growth but playground was not it for me.

thats my review! if it sounds like something youd be interested in evaluating for yourself, go for it! imo i dont think theres anything to be lost by reading a even bad book for yourself. but like definitely worth looking up the content warnings if you do.

#ask #playground aron beauregard #extreme horror #reviews

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allthefoolishdreams · 8 months ago

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HELLOOO hope you're well! 🍓, 🥤, 🌻, 🍄, 🔪 and ❄️ for the emoji truth or dare ask game? (i am getting to yours too! unfortunately i cannot see the second emoji you sent me, but i will answer the rest!) <3

HELLO!! 😊 Im doing okay!! Hope you are as well 🩷(I honestly don't remember what emojis i sent you so dont worry about it, when you post I'll let you know what it was) 💕

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

So I read fanfiction for awhile but I actually started writing fics in high school during my marvel phase and I wrote a lot but only posted some of my fics. Eventually I started venturing into other fandoms that inspired me enough to write and post. Finally ended up witing skz because the brainrot was so strong that i needed to write my own for them and here we are!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

honestly i don't really read that much fanfiction (please feel free send me some recs i do want to read more) (i do have like so many open tabs on my phone of fics ive been meaning to read um. dont want to think about how long they've been there.)

but here's two fics i've read very recently and enjoyed:

next level by meloncafe (seunglix. where felix has a massive crush on seungmin and has an anonymous rival in an arcade game that he befriends via text while trying to form a friendship with seungmin, its so fun and cute!!)

(won't you) tell me you miss me by bumblespook (jeongsung, they were roommates but have moved out to live on their own while mutually pining and neither will admit their feelings)

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@isjeonginsoup 💕 hope you don't mind being tagged but yeah we haven't spoken much but i do appreciate you!!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

no comment? i don't know i'm trying really hard and i just can't think of any at the moment (very surprising since i have so many fandoms i think about a lot)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I don't remember what the weirdest topic is but I once ended up watching History's Greatest Heists with Pierce Brosman as research for the spidey minlix fic because I wanted to see what kind of stuff people did for heists in real life as opposed to fictional shows. I've also looked into what paintings and valuable artifacts are in NYC museums (@ the fbi i swear I wasn't planning anything I just think its interesting!)

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

OH! i actually have a dream plot for descendants, so ive always wanted a leverage au (i dont know if you know the show but its thieves conning the rich for good, think modern robin hood) but core four + ben as the leverage crew. i dont know who would write it best but i would love to read it, or maybe write it idk lol. sea 3 would definitely be a rival heist crew in said au.

#jeonghoneyss #i think at this point i should give you a fun tag instead of just your url #anyways ty for the ask!!! 💕#🔮; you seek information #ask games

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soracities · 2 years ago

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have you read ulysses by james joyce? ive been wanting to for a while but im a bit intimidated by its reputation of being hard to get through

I haven't, but I know a little about it and I do think, as with all difficult works, context & background is going to be your best friend; there's an ask by @days-of-reading from a few years back here that has some very good recs for annotated additions / supplementary material that may help guide you and make the book (or the idea of approaching the book) less daunting since you will know what went into it or the meaning behind various episodes or terms.

That said, I think an important thing to remember, and what has helped me with other challenging books / authors, is to remind yourself that, if they're difficult, they are so for a reason, and that this isn't automatically a bad thing—a book's difficulty isn't necessarily there to alienate you, scare you or threaten you, or make you feel inferior, as though you could never be up to the task (that said, some books probably do want to alienate you & attempt to do so in an aggressive or provocative manner but even then that aggression is a commentary on something; the question they pose is whether you will examine that commentary or not); more often than not it's to invite you into (often radically) different ways of experiencing a text, a language, a way of thinking and digesting / exploring the world. It's asking you to check what you know, what you think you know, and what you expect to know at the door and meet the text on its own terms.

After all, what do we mean when we say a book is "difficult"? "Difficult" compared to what logic, whose logic? What does that logic demand, and is that demand always reasonable? Is this logic actually as inviolable as we think it is? Let's say a work "doesn't make sense", but is that a problem with the work, or what we've demanded it be, without pausing to consider what it actually is, in its own words? Why has the author decided to construct their narrative like this, when they easily could have done it differently—and the natural follow-up to that question being: could they, really, have done it differently? The option was there but they chose not to. Texts that are trying to break the limits we impose on works of literature are often a commentary on those very limits themselves. Why are they there and who put them there? But most crucially: what's on the other side?

Understanding the social, cultural, and historical context that informs a particular writer's view of the world and they way that expresses itself in their work is obviously massively important, but I think there's also a lot to be said for surrendering yourself to a particular work's own logic and letting that take you wherever it will. That means accepting some parts will feel utterly nonsensical (some are meant to be) or understanding that maybe you will only read it at a pace of 3 pages an hour, or that one page will be re-read 10 times before you feel ready to move on. And it means taking that as an inherent trait of the work and learning to examine and move through it as it is exists because without it, it would be a completely different book altogether; and if you are treating / reading it as though it should be or you want it to be a different, easier, book then why are you reading it in the first place? The question of "what does it all mean?" is not necessarily the question that you have to answer when reading something, and not having an answer isn't a bad thing; sometimes finding an answer isn't even the point. Sometimes I think it's not unlike when a toddler finds something utterly benign looking—like a pebble, or a stick, and runs excitedly towards you in order to present what, to them, is probably something immensely fascinating. And maybe you don't see what they see but you kneel down and accept what they give you regardless and take part in the experience with them, because that is what the real intention behind that gesture is.

I don't know if any of this will help, but I hope you get something out of it, anon x

#anyone who has more concrete advise for ulysses specifically please do add it in!#ask #anonymous #book talks

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zyafics · 2 months ago

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Okay idk if Im missing someone but reader is The one to break up with rafe in The story but honestly from what ive read i dont Think what you´re saying is what Im seeing and i dont mean that in a mean Way you know i love you but from what Im seeing is rafe is trying to give her The spade to grieve but at The same time wants to make sure shes okay and rafe seeing reader like this is obviously hurting him a lot and reader keeps pushing him away even though heś just trying to be there and understand with her because at The end of The Day rafe Will 100% always carry The guilt of not being there WHEN tresser was calling even if it tecnicly isnt his fault cause ward had the Phone and he wants to make sure that now he is there if something happens and you´re saying rafe isnt giving reader space to grieve but really i Think its The opisite. Everytime she talks about The baby she says I LOST as if rafe didnt LOSE his daughter too and obviously i know it isnt The same Thing Im not stupid but he still lost his daughter and he feels so alone in it that instead of talking with someone he writers it in his notes because he wants to make sure reader is okay before anything Else even if that means hurting himself in The progress and i dint see that rafe would be feeling and doing these things if its just because he wants to be like normal and act like nothing happened cause he knows that cant happend but he wants reader to be able to actually trust him and talk to him and feel better then she is at this point and i Think reader spewing all these things out as if she knows WHEN shes upset is The wrong Way to go. Rafe is obviously trying to help but he just gets shit on in return cause he obviously cares about reader more then anything but honestly with all this Im kinds just not wanting us to be endgame and i love reader but Im liking her less and less WHEN i read The newest part and what i also just dont get is this seems like its all comming from a buret of emotion but 7 months later they still arent together so this is something she still feels which makes No sense to me. I feel like i could go on about this forever tbh

u don't understand, i'm actually grinning as i read this because it's so interesting!! see this is the discontinuity between being the author versus the reader, and i enjoy every point you made!

from what Im seeing is rafe is trying to give her The spade to grieve but at The same time wants to make sure shes okay and rafe seeing reader like this is obviously hurting him a lot and reader keeps pushing him away even though heś just trying to be there and understand with her because at The end of The Day rafe Will 100% always carry The guilt of not being there WHEN tresser was calling even if it tecnicly isnt his fault

i agree that rafe loves her. he is trying to give her space to grieve, but is he? looking back on the text critically, is space to grieve where you keep trying to get your partner to therapy even though they expressed discomfort for it? or when ur partner wants to be alone and sleep alone, but you decide to go and sleep on the floor beside them? i definitely agree that rafe loves her, and is trying his best to be okay for her, but a lot of what he's doing is offering solutions. problems -> solutions, when sometimes problems ≠ solutions.

Everytime she talks about The baby she says I LOST as if rafe didnt LOSE his daughter too

THIS!! i absolutely agree on. the language she uses about referring to the baby, she mixes it from using "we" to "i" and it definitely adds another layer to the situation!

he writers it in his notes because he wants to make sure reader is okay before anything Else even if that means hurting himself in

i actually worked harder on the notes than the breakup speech (lol) so the layers to the language he used is very nuanced and purposeful!

he wants to be like normal and act like nothing happened cause he knows that cant happened but he wants reader to be able to actually trust him and talk to him

are you sure? (not in a mean way, just asking r u sure he "knows that can't happen [returning back to normal]" based on the text?)

Rafe is obviously trying to help but he just gets shit on in return cause he obviously cares about reader more then anything

i don't think he's getting shit on (by the reader at least) but that could be my writer's bias!

7 months later they still arent together so this is something she still feels which makes No sense to me.

fair!

#asks #hb:l asks #hb:l analysis

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