#ivan being the best human ever ever

[deetealeaf]

i love your voiceeeeeee <33333

It's so nice to hear and there is something so nice and lovely about the fact that it's just you singing and talking in a closet and KBKADFBVHSFBVHSFBV I LOVEEE ITTTT <3333333

JSHUDGAJDGHAYEHDJBSHSJS THANK YOUUUU <333

i swear tho if there was a recorder in my room i could put on a sitcom frr

like you think thats just cuz i was recording? Nah thats how i talk to myself 24/7 buddy 😭😭😭

THANK YOU SM IVY <33333333 I LOVE YOUUUU

[deetealeaf]

Thanks @moonysversion (and now @florsial ig 😅) for the tag!

And thank you @florsial for your help<33

No pressure tags- @5ducksinatrenchcoat @olivers-cocoapuffs @moonysfavoritetoast @vintagetee13 @returnofthecabbageman + open tags!

i've participated in so many tag games, i think it's about time i make my own

use this order and insert images according to how you view yourself!

1. Animal

2. Place

3. Plant

4. Character

5. Season

6. Hobby

7. Colour

8. Crystal

9. Food

here's mine:

cat, bookstore, blue forget-me-nots (idk, i just picked a random image with blue flowers), angel devil (csm), winter, reading + listening to music, blue, moonstone, sushi

tags: @rosees3ray @starr-theoriginal @doing-ur-mum-pt2 @thelovelyvie @urlocalsadkid-l @sad-trash-pigeon @carbonbasedmatter @toxictidepod241 @robinheaney12 @believeinavocado @just-sarah-xx @ali-da-demon @koi0boi @ch1ckpeapancake @rosetintedgreyspaces @dramaticwriter @butterfliesareamyth @bluewrite + anyone who wants to join /np

[within-ur-intro-verse]

Interesting how the majority of MiziSua's fond memories are during the day and full of light.

While pivotal moments for IvanTill are associated with night and darkness.

The light they're depicted in as pairings really highlights the circumstances of their childhoods and the tone of their respective backgrounds.

Mizi is one of, if not the best, treated humans in Anakt Garden and these positive conditions reflect in her positive attitude/disposition.

Ivan, Sua, and Luka are all treated like commodities by their owners. Sua was basically a dress-up doll. Luka and Ivan are status symbols/cash cows. Their wants and needs as human beings are ignored in favor of their owners' desires, but they at least seem to regularly be given the basics requirements (food/hygiene, etc) and maybe even superficially spoiled for their seeming cooperation with their alien captors. They are likely to follow along with their owners' wishes in order to avoid possible punishment.

Till, on the other hand, is actively abused in pretty much every way possible. He's also used as a test subject by the aliens. He thrashes at the chains that bind him and we constantly see the consequences he endures for his rebellious actions.

MiziSua's relationship is framed as pretty lighthearted in the flashbacks despite humanity's present situation, mainly because half the pairing (Mizi) is unaware of how bad things actually are. She's been shielded from the reality of it by everyone around her. No one wanted to dim her light. But, of course, once she lost Sua (her God, her universe), she discovered how harsh this world truly is.

IvanTill, on the other hand, both have always seen this world for what it is. They just cope with it in very different ways. Ivan, by keeping his head down, following orders to the alien's faces, then disobeying secretly behind their backs. Till, by pushing back violently and fighting aggressively against the injustices he's faced with.

This also sort of explains why Ivan and Till both have unrequited feelings for the people that they do. Till represents hope to Ivan through his rebellious nature, his fighting spirit, that Ivan lacks. Mizi represents hope to Till with her positivity/optimism since all of his own has faded away through his years of suffering. They both are admired traits that they wish they had themselves, that they treasure in the other person.

It will be interesting to see if Till's crush on Mizi will survive if they are ever reunited, because Mizi is no longer that blindly optimistic girl he used to have feelings for.

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

[ content warning: discussion of in-canon sexual abuse ] Maybe it’s just because I’m not too active in the ALNST fandom and mostly observe from afar, but I think this fandom brushed aside way too quickly the fact that Till was sexually assaulted. I have never seen anyone talk in depth about like, what that actually means in terms of his arc and the storytelling of his character. Which I find deeply, deeply upsetting because holy fucking shit.

This man right here has been told, basically his entire life, that not only is he himself not worthy of being treated as a human, but that his body is not his body, but a piece of property that can be owned. And whoever owns his property can use it for whatever, and however they wish. Now, dehumanization is nothing new or unique in this world, obviously. The very concept of Pet Humans is dehumanizing by nature, leaving all six of our main characters as victims to it, even those who are more well-off like Mizi. But Till is a specially fucked up case almost distinctly unlike the rest, because he is actually treated like a fucking dog.

(x) Ivan: If you keep rebelling like that, they won’t ever remove your collar you know? Till: This annoying bastard… — Ivan: I told you so, didn’t I? You didn’t listen? Till: This annoying bastard... (translation courtesy of @leiikos on youtube)

(x)

An unruly animal who needs to be leashed up and put in it’s place. Animals, as is common knowledge, are not on the same level as a human being. But they are ordained to follow the commands of those above them. And if someone (thing) isn’t doing as it is told…

It deserves to be taught better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is the mindset that has followed Till his entire life by the ones who were supposed to take care of him. He is not human, even less human than the existing inhuman. He is a pet, even more so than the other pets, an animal. A thing. Property. Something to own. And the best thing about owning something?

You gain the ability to do whatever you want to it. Till’s body was not his from the start. It was used as something to toy around with, experiment with, to train and train and train, presumably for his whole life. His body, his skin, his flesh and bone and blood, it was all nothing more than a plaything. So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, voices have the most value of all. On top of it being reinforced that Till is not deserving of humanity, he is also not deserving of his bodily autonomy. People are free to do whatever they want with his body because it’s not his body, it’s theirs. And that brings us, finally, to the scene itself

He can’t sing her song, he refuses to. This isn’t the first time he’s refused to do something, far from it actually. What was once an innocent puppy with dilated hope in his eyes has grown into an angry, disobedient mutt. And we know what happens to an animal that refuses to do what they’re told. But there’s something interesting about dogs, or rather about the ones they descended from, the wolf: When the circumstances call for it, they will bite the hand that’s supposed to feed them.

And here is where I intrude to remind you that this is the only time we see anyone physically fighting back against the aliens in the confines of Alien Stage. We see Hyuna and Mizi fucking up aliens in All In, but that was after they had escaped from the cage. And you could make a case for Mizi trying to escape the grasp of the guards that grabbed her in Ruler of My Heart, but from what we saw she didn’t actually lay a hand on them and more so just tried to force herself out of their grasp. though if you disagree with me on that that's fine Here though? Till has this bitch’s face grabbed into his palm with a bottle in hand ready to smash it directly in between it’s eyes. I consider this to be the first act of physical violence shown against the aliens within the uncomfortably tight enclosure. And it’s triggered not because of anything personally done to Till, which on its own could probably fill a list that reaches the ground. But because of the prospect of Mizi being dead. Till knows that this place is shit, that his life is shit. Said so directly on his profile.

Dislikes: Everyone, including Guardian Urak (translation courtesy of @kh47uo on twitter)

But he stays regardless because Mizi is there. If Mizi is dead, Till has absolutely nothing to lose…Right?

I can almost imagine him thinking: There’s nothing you can put me through that’s worse than every other way you’ve hurt me. …But there was. Oh there was.

A final, disgusting message to the pet to put him back in his place. Back on his leash. Making sure he will never forget where he stands for the rest of his days.

And that is really what the sexual assault of Till represents to me. It is a cruel reminder to Till that fighting back is impossible, having hope, being free, it might as well be a fool's fantasy. He will always be less-than-human, less than anything. His body will always be the property of the ones that were supposed to protect him, claimed, and then used used used until it’s worn out and dead.

And the aliens chose to exemplify that fact in the most direct way they possibly could.

So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, screams have the most value of all

[sadokasochism]

So I have a running interpretation of Mizi as having been quite sheltered as a result of her relatively comfortable life as a pet, hence her being a bit delusional in her and Sua's interview before Round 1 and her shock at Sua's death, despite the humans all knowing that the loser dies in Alien Stage.

Now I'm onto the implications that this has for the whole conga line of longing between Ivan, Till, and Mizi:

The fucking tragedy of Till falling in love with the one person who didn't have a reason to escape or intervene.

Mizi had a good life and was never exposed to the same pain and suffering the others had known.

Sua is implied to have had a pretty empty life as a pet, being treated as an object by her owners, and being very emotionally withdrawn as a result. However, she also didn't have the drive to leave, as the one person she cared about seemed so happy here, and Mizi's dreams were all about singing together and fulfilling the wishes of their owners.

Ivan had known suffering before being taken in by his owner, and even though his life was relatively good as a pet, he still knew how precarious that position was, and besides he had to watch Till be horribly mistreated by his owner. He had enough reason to want to get out of there.

But Till loved and wouldn't leave Mizi, THE ONE PERSON WHO WOULD NEVER LEAVE. So he didn't go with Ivan when they had a chance to escape, he stayed. And Ivan stayed too, because he wouldn't leave Till.

And by extension: the tragedy of SUA falling in love with someone who had no reason to leave, and Mizi falling in love with someone who couldn't see past the world they were trapped in.

Following this interpretation, this is one angle to Ivan's judgement of Sua that I'm stuck on.

Ivan TRIED to break Till out so the person he loved wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

Meanwhile, the best Sua could come up with was following the path laid out by their alien owners, and then dying instead of Mizi.

Sua only aimed as high as the best outcome that their society could allow them, while Ivan was willing to deviate entirely. The only thing that stopped him was Till running back to Mizi.

He could be thinking "the person you love would have followed you anywhere, and the best you could do is die? You couldn't imagine a future with both of you alive and happy? You had everything I ever wanted, and you threw it away."

[deetealeaf]

If I were a braver man id send yo0u a selfie rn so you cld see how hard i am bawling rn i literally cannat with youuuuuuuu

Honest to god ur my best friend ivyy<33

LIKE U KNOW I CANT HANDLE COMPLIMENTS ITS LIKE YOU WANT ME TO EXPLODE BABES LIKE WHAT-

Im sobbing happy tears rn to the extent that im in my corner cuz i had to calm down ur UNREAL IVANNNNNN

Im SO HONORED TO BE UR FAVORITE UR MINEEEEE ILY ILY ILY <3333333

UR BLOGS VIBES R IMMACULATE AND SO FUCKIN COOL LIKE AHHH AND UR SO KIND AND AMAZING AND UR POSTING IS ALWAYS ON POINTE U HAVE THE BEST TASTEEE UR BOOK TASTE IS VERY VERY COOL EVEN IF SOMETIMES its slightly to horror-y for me sorry😭 AND UR PLAYLISTS ARE SOME OF THE BEST IVE HEARDDDDD AND UR BULLSHIT IS MY FAVE THING TO "PUT UP" WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U ALREDY MAKE MY LIFE 1000000× BETTER AND ID BE HONORED TO HAVE AN IVAN HUG!!, I WLD MAKE UR LIFE AS HAPPY AND WONDERFUL AND AS PERFECT AS YOU WANT IT IF IT WAS IN MY CONTROL <33333333

IVYYYYYY UR MY BESTEST FRIEND AND IF THEIR WERE SOULMATES YOU'D DEF BE MINEEEEE<33333333

I love you i love you i love you i love youuuuuu <33

(Also anon!!!! Im so honored u mentionrd me and id love to be friendsss<3 drop by my asks or dms any time!)

I am resting my eyes.

Btw you have good taste in friends, @deetealeaf is AMAZING.

YES SHE IS!!!!! SHE IS SO SWEET AND NICE AND COMFORTING AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND SHE ALWAYS MAKES MY DAY BETTER I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! I LOVE TALKING TO HER AND HAVING CONVERSATIONS OVER REBLOGS WITH HER AND LBCUWYBFKVWFBV SHE'S MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD

HER BLOG IS ALSO SOOOOO PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL AND SHE'S SUCH A NICE AND SUPPORTIVE AND SAFE PERSON AND TREATS EVERYONE SHE INTERACTES WITH WITH SO MUCH KINDNESS (I stalk her blog) I LOVE HER SO MUCH FOR IT. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT OUR DAYS AND HEARING ABOUT HER LIFE AND TALKING ABOUT BOOKS. SHE PUTS UP WITH SO MUCH OF MY NONSENSICAL BULLSHIT AND SHE HAS SUCH CUTE MUSIC TASTE.

SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND LOVELY PERSON WITH A WONDERFUL SOUL AND I WANNA HAVE A CHANCE TO HUG HER SO MUCH (MAN FUCK LONG DISTANCE) AND MAKE HER LIFE HAPPY. DEE IS THE PLATONIC LOVE OF MY LIFE AND MY FUCKING SOULMATE AT POINT. MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND AND I TAKE SO MUCH PRIDE IN THAT!!!

ilyyyyyyy @deetealeaf <33333333333333

[redrandomposts]

till narrowly missing ivan in every universe, either literally or figuratively, makes me giggle and cry at the same time AUUHSHSJSH if he was a regressor/reincarnator and og/alnst!till was watching his later incarnations, mans would be bald from tearing his hair out in frustration

"LOOK BACK MF LOOK BACK, YOU JUST MISSED HIM"

"THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR NTH SEXUALITY CRISIS, IVAN IS MOVING AWAY TOMORROW. MOVE IT"

and imagine his previous incarnations from other failed lifetimes watching the current lifetime with him and theyre all in the same frustrated state 😭

"can we PLEASE have one lifetime where we dont end up breaking his heart ? can we PLEASE—"

— 🌦️

HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOO

doomed lovers and tills watching it all happen, kicking and screaming

everytime an incarnation pops up in their little hell, he is kicked and beaten up and treated as a less-than-human being until the next one meets ivan. and then they're too focused watching how till (yes, that's you, a dumbass) misses every smile and glimmer of eyes and heartbreak that ivan shows.

"what the fuck?! what's he doing?! ivan is right there, don't go hitting on her - fuck! who is that idiot!"

"that idiot is you! do you remember how you made ivan your best man at your wedding?!"

"says the one had an arranged marriage with him then went to war and came home in love with a nurse!"

"all of you are idiots!"

and none of the tills know og till's backstory. most of the time he's writing songs and playing the guitar, as all of them do, but in a more extreme way. there's a little library with all the songs the tills have made, each shelf a different life. og till's is a whole bookshelf, but the ones about ivan only starts after he first appeared here.

(there's also the songs each and every ivan has made about till, for till, to till. those are treated much better than the ones the tills haphazardly throws into their respective shelves. they're encased in gold and glass, just as unattainable as ivan seems to be.)

extra reactions according to some of my aus (except it's all the bad ends and ooc??):

omegaverse

"...what the fuck?"

"WHAT'S A PHEROMONE?! ALPHA? THAT'S SO CRINGEY? WTF"

"GUYS!!! IVAN CAN BE PREGNANT-"

"-SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-"

"holy fuck"

"it was indeed a fuck"

"did you know ivan could moa-"

"fucking hell we're all tills we're all here we all know!"

"BLOOD! GET A TISSUE YOU FREAK-"

"HALF OF US HAVE NOSEBLEEDS WDYM"

"please please please till hE IS PREGNANT-"

"..."

"what the fuck."

"HE'S DEAD?"

"guys i don't ever wanna get ivan pregnant if that's what's going to happen"

android au

"...he owns ivan..?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR?? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE IVAN??"

"surely they fall in love, right?"

"don't fucking jinx it, you moron!"

"ivan's so cute... look! he's cutting the veggies into flowers!"

"hey! till! say thank you to ivan!!"

"ugh, can't he just get out the studio so i can see ivan??"

"till, can't you just be a stay at home musician?!"

"aww!! aren't those flowers in the stitching?"

"oh my god ivan hand sewed him clothes?!"

"that's not fair! ivan! you can't just give things to the idiot! or else!! ...or else."

"...you fucking jinxed it!!! ivan!!! you can't die!"

"how'd i know that they'd just shoot and never stop shooting?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??"

"i'll fucking BEAT THEM UP I SWEAR."

"??? why's he only just checked the cameras now since he got ivan?"

"...ivan's voice is so heavenly."

"..."

zombie au

"is it another boring one? haven't we already seen till and ivan have normal lives and drift apart or something else?"

"maybe this time, till will..."

"shut UP! CROW'S MOUTH, I SWEAR"

"nevermind that is nOT NORMAL FUCK"

"OH MY GOD HE IS ROTTING AND MOVING??"

"IVAN GET AWAY FROM THERE -"

"...ivan?"

"FUCK! HE DID IT AGAIN!"

"TILL YOU FUCKER GO BACK FOR HIM!!"

"...at least we still have ivan."

"...and till knows he loves ivan."

"...and they kissed."

".....oh fucking hell, why are you so happy?! ivan's basically till's dog! till doesn't deserve him!"

"well, as long as they cure ivan, they'll be together for real, right?"

"..."

"YOU FUCKING JINXED IT-"

"WHY'D THAT RANDO JUST SHOOT IVAN???

mermaid au

"oh my god he's a fish -"

"- ivan looks like a prince!"

"??? how can you be so rude to ivan!"

"why are his thoughts so weird? ivan's a human, not some pearl! he has dignity!"

"he's much better than some pearl, too."

"till knows he loves ivan, right??? surely??? with those thoughts..."

"i wanna see ivan's eyes...."

"i wanna see ivan's smile..."

"fuck! till, just speak to him god damnit!"

"oh my god!!! ivan!!!"

"??? where's his fishy parts?? ow, don't hit me-"

"...he looks so fine."

"hey! he's sixteen! you are definitely not sixteen, you fucking homewrecker!!"

"homewrecker?! i didn't cheat!!"

"you wrecked your and ivan's house life!"

"what?"

"where'd the letter come from??"

"how's there sea foam???"

"IVANNNN!"

"HE'S DEAD? JUST LIKE THAT?"

"HE DESERVED MORE YOU FUCKER-"

===

anyways im going to edit my masterlist to be better ig

[bluemoonscape]

Thinking about the Mizisua and Ivantill merch cards again (sedate me)

These ones.

I already have a post discussing the difference between Ivan and Till’s anguished looks and Mizi and Sua’s more… resigned ones, is the best descriptor I can think of. Attached to these cards is a message about these four characters and their attachments to one another: hate is such a simple emotion, it says, as compared to something as complex as love (paraphrasing obviously).

With the post R7 Patreon confirmation of Ivantill being a mutual love-hate relationship, this quote makes quite a lot of sense for them, and in obvious ways, too. They recognize a kindred spirit in one another, and while Ivan attaches himself to Till because of it, Till pushes him away. This is the tragedy of Ivantill and we know this.

But what about this applies to Mizisua?

Because of Sua’s short time in the series thus far, we don’t get a lot of Sua’s internal thoughts or feelings about… anything. The Sua comic with her sister was the most we’ve ever gotten, I think, and it was beautiful and very telling about her character. Mizi truly is her love, her universe, her paradise, her light in the dark. She loves Mizi with her whole heart. There’s no denying that.

But Sua is only human, and she has the capacity to be bitter. She has the capacity to feel something as base as hate.

Maybe a small part of her loathes that very same innocence that she fosters in Mizi until the very end. Maybe a part of her, like any abused child would, felt envious of her naivety throughout their childhoods, disgusted by it, because here Sua is, this girl who knew exactly what was going to happen to her from the time she was young, and here’s Mizi: Blissfully ignorant. I’d imagine that drew Sua in as much as it burned her. Mizi could never fully see or understand Sua. Sua was always trying to do the impossible, always trying to preserve that innocence.

No matter how much it haunts her, no matter how much she might wish to shake Mizi and scream and cry at her to wake up, look around, this is our reality, wake up—she never could bring herself to do it. She held onto that secret until the very end.

So Sua’s object of resentment is also the thing she longs to protect the most. And Mizi? Mizi was kept in the dark. Mizi’s god kept her in the dark and then abandoned her when she needed her the most. Wouldn’t you resent that? Wouldn’t you hate that?

In the aftermath of Sua’s death, the barrier between them finally makes itself plain to Mizi. Mizisua, just like Ivantill, is doomed to miscommunication and deceit. Mizisua, just like Ivantill, is filled with both deep love and deep hatred—for betrayal, for ignorance, for deception, for tragic circumstance within each other.

[snownorites]

Some disjointed thoughts on Sua and her sister that I had yesterday cause I've seen some people on twt being really adamant that Sua was in the "loved before anakt" category and I don't think that's what the point of Heavenly Garden is personally

For one, I don’t think she's actually looking out for Sua here. (using WhataFruit's translation)

I think her intention was to make Sua feel bad about herself. The word choice is extremely deliberate: "you're so unkempt" "that is unseemly" "you're already dumb enough as it is". That last one is obvious but those first two I think are super important to understanding the kind of competitive environment "being" a doll must have fostered. She's trying to put Sua "in her place" here and make her feel like she doesn't actually deserve any of the favouritism Nigeh gives her because she's "stupid" and can't even play her part properly.

And Sua has every reason to believe what her sister tells her. Outside of her cruelty she's so nice, so gentle, she even plays with her and tickles her. Ofc Sua would assume that she has the best intentions and to me that's the point of why her sister acts that way. It's not about affection or love really, it's something closer to bullying. This way every insult, every instance of belittling however small stays with her and hurts her. Her pity of Sua may be "genuine" but it seems to be more mocking? Saying that she loved Sua to me feels a bit like buying into the performance.

The framing of the comic to me is also very interesting because the contrast between Mizi and Sua's sister is telling us that we need to consider their affects on Sua in relation with each other. Sua did not feel loved before she met Mizi.

Her saying this is supposed to show that her sister was all she ever knew in terms of human connection. "Back then" as in before meeting Mizi.

Sua thinks that her sister was actually the pitiful one all along but something really interesting is that it's not because she finally found self worth or because she knows that her sister was wrong about her being unkempt or "stupid", it goes right back to love. Her sister is pitiful because she didn't know love.

That heavenly garden, Mizi, loving and being loved. If Sua felt love before anakt I don't really see why it'd be framed like this.

And the thing is that love is a super big theme in Alien Stage. You could very well argue that this is just how her sister shows love and since we don't have her pov the way that we do Io's or Ivan's there's absolutely no way to refute that the same way there's no way to prove that. But to me including Sua in the same category as Mizi and now Till feels really disingenuous. Mizi and Till felt loved before anakt and carried forward that love in all their actions. Sua did not and her actions reflect that.

I think that Sua's feelings of self hatred are a pretty important thing to also consider when analysing anything to do with her (and I'll probably have to do a seperate post about that because this is already so fucking long lmao) People don't pay enough attention to this and how a lot of it comes from the bullying she experienced

Before Mizi, Sua was objectified by everyone around her, humans and segyein alike. And maybe her sister was different and we'll see that in another comic but to me heavenly garden's intention is to reinforce that this bullying wasn't just the very overt kind that's shown above. Like with the new Till comic, all the material we get builds onto each other, Heavenly Garden gives context to just how sinister the bullying was.

And I don't say all this to say that people are wrong about her sister potentially loving her, maybe she did, but Sua did not feel loved or experience that love. It's weird that I'm seeing more justification and rationalisation of her sister's behaviour than people actually taking Sua's narrative into consideration and trying to understand how her sister fits into it.

[fountian-of-youth]

Dr.kraken's file

Former Name: Mikhail ivan sokolov

Current name: mikhail ivan Scott (only his husband is allowed to say his name since he's the only one who knows it )

Code name : Dr.kraken

Birth date: Dec 19 1969

Rank: all Access doctor /scientist

Age: 55

Appearance:

Species: cybernetic human

Abilities: use tendrils to pick up things / stab / crawl. Super human strength and speed , cross any kind of terrain

Weakness: his more human part are weaker and vulnerable, his pride and ego , his God complex

Personality; snarky and manipulative asshole who turns your words against you. Sadistic as hell only seeing people who don't agree with him lower than dirt to walk on. Pure evil scientist doctor

Additional information: he knows morse and nonbinary code , has huge knowledge of animals and biology. He has the fear of death

Backstory: growing up kraken was raised in a rich family only child to two wonderful parents who were advocating for echo friendly things. His father was a multi owner of tech companies that aimed to keep echo friendly.

While his mother was a fashion designer who reuse fabric and other things to not create waste unlike others. Both were doting and loving parents who loved their son to death. Both did their best to try and raise kraken right.

But ever since he came out the womb he had always been different ... .when he was four that was when he was officially diagnosed with autism. Now his parents were victims to the idea of the 1940 autistic views where it's described simply here

a lack of imagination, a lack of hallucinatory thought, a lack of creativity and a lack of dreams

Essentially his parents thought he was stuck being a child who couldn't think for himself or really become an adult who stride forward through life without their guidance. Which has the two trying their best to raise kraken but most times don't work as they couldn't properly discipline him without feeling guilty.

Of course kraken wasn't some empty husk , he was very much just a high masking autistic person. He was very scarily and supported by his parents into biology and science especially with animals and nature. He had grown up always watching those animal documentaries and became that animal lover kid.

Of course he took it more extreme, always asking what it would be like to have fangs of a snake , the ability to shoot blood out the eyes like thorny devils. Ect

This landed him as the weird kid in school where kids to teen years mocked and taunted him for being so weird. The highschool years he was very much bullied for having the name Mikhail because during the time he grew up. His parents fell for some scams landing them in being less rich and almost poor. Only thing keeping the family up float was the fact they could work many jobs in their field.

Due to being bullied and picked on it caused kraken to despise other people and see them as nothing but dirt to walk on. Focusing on his interests he was able to get into engineering using nature to fuel his works and machines while also dabbling in biology to craft serums and DNA extraction methods.

By the time he was an adult his parents had fully become poor and were living off government support to keep their son going to the colleges that accepted him for his strange smart mindset. Which kraken graduated with no problem and got himself into a science route job to earn stable earnings.

He became more sadistic when he turned 21 , where accidentally running over a homeless person led him cutting up the body and finding out how humans are not so different from animals ....and his deranged idea of immorality clicked.

"if death can be conquered...no one could stop me from pursuing answers to my questions "

He caught urban shade’s interest when he hit his late twenties (precisely around 27) showing off his methods. To prove he would do anything for the company called urban shade , he quite literally murdered his own parents and used their corpses to demonstrate how the DNA extraction works and how his version of administering DNA worked a bit faster then the current methods urban shade used.

Their last words to their son were quoted to be " "no matter what ...even now we still love you son "

Only for him to reply with "your love been nothing but wood to my fire , goodbye mum, dad may you rest in what ever void you seek " in the most sadistic and cold tone

Same methods used when z-13 was taken into custody for experiments . Kraken was 34 at this age and was not involved in the group that operated on the experiment. In fact he was doing his own project as he wanted to grant humanity the ability of immorality.

When he was around 53 he had made a breakthrough with his project called “ fountain of youth”. The serum was perfect and ready to be shown but needed time to set. So kraken took a day off to go and celebrate his success in the Philippines where unfortunately. A combination of accidentally getting tricked to eat some drugs and alcohol caused him to drive drunk.

Leading to a crash where he ran into z-013253 when the entity was still human and not in custody of urban shade. This crash has caused urban shade trouble to hide and cover up as they didn't want it to be public. Their scientist caused a crash being drunk and on drugs. This crash also horribly disfigured and left kraken in horrible condition where to be useful he paid with what money to get his body cybernetically enhanced to walk and move again.

He also has obtained the fear of death which spurred him to want to focus more on his fountain of youth project.

He was demoted down a rank to where he would be constantly supervised till he can prove he can make up for his mistakes with HQ and the leaders. During this time he would run into Damien Scott for one year spent as bickering enemies eventually falling for each other. The second year being married life.

When z-13 caused the breach, kraken was 55 and at the time his life work was supposed to be used to test on another subject. Leaving the precious serum of immorality in the hidden parts of hadal blacksite Lab. To get his work back, Kraken hired an expendable to try and get his work back when retrieving the crystal.

During this deal he found out the person aka allo nanol he crashed into was used as the cover up for the crash. To make the person pay he handpicked allo to become an Expendable with the paid expendable he sent.

This failed of course and caused kraken to be enraged knowing his work was just swept away. Later only to find out the person he threw under the buss , allo nanol, had been injected with his life work.

Now bitter and deranged to grasp immortality he chased after allo to get back what he wants and needs to obtain his chance at everlasting life.

[glubby-guppiez]

*Random TMNT 2012 (mainly side characters) hc's bcuz hyperfixation

*(this is the best divider to ever exist btw)

*Warnings: Spoilers for TMNT 2012 ofc, mentions of gender dysphoria and trans related insecurity, transphobia, accidental arson, bullying, manipulation, ptsd, also the tone of the headcanons shift randomly also also typing quirk

*Chris Bradford is trans. )(e did a full transition, he did hormones, voice training, top and bottom surgery, a few different surgeries to make him look/feel more masculine, all the bells and whistles, even went the extra mile to do procedures to hide his surgery scars. )(e's closeted and does about everything in his power to make sure no one even question that he was assigned female at birth because he's scared of his social image of being the great macho man, Chris Bradford, crumbling.

*Leo mainly or solely uses fandom and fanfic socials like Wattpad, AO3, Amino, Tumblr, and maybe Twitter. She mainly interacts with Space )(eroes and Crognard The Barbarian fan posts and shows a special interest in gender swap aus.

*Later on, post show with Muckman's help the mutants are actually able to freely walk around humans without them completely flipping out and starting a mob to witch hunt after them.

*Speaking of walking around humans, Napoleon and the frogs down in Louisiana are considered local urban legend and humans get really excited when they spot the frogs in the woods.

*Dr. Rockwell is a very big coffee enjoyer and used to secretly steal coffee from the nearby shops around the mighty mutanimals hideout and on the rare occasion when someone caught him and called him out he would always use the excuse of the shops being owned by big corporations.

*Don Visioso is a deadbeat father of 5. )(e also has had multiple wives and many divorces.

*Mondo Gecko will call people posers if he's jealous enough of them.

*Ivan Steranko is also trans but has only had hrt and face masculinizing surgery and refuses to get top and bottom surgery.

*Anton Zeck is incredibly smart and performed extremely well in high school and even got free scholarships for how well he did.

*Shinigami is a big video game nerd and will geek out if anyone mentions one of the games she plays.

*The reason Anton hated the mutant name Mikey gave him at first is because it either sounds a lot like or straight up is a nickname old bullies of him gave in order to make fun of him.

*Premutation, Chris acts transphobic towards Xever (despite Xever being cis) out of jealousy and insecurity.

*Baxter Stockman is either a gay aroace trans mspec nonbinary man or a cishet ally. No in-between.

*Mini April cluster!!!:

*April has a deep love for literature and writes poetry in her spare time.

*She almost burned down the culinary class in her school once.

*She's questioning aroace.

*She felt extra empathy for Muckman because he reminded her of Kirby a little bit.

*She likes to hide stickers around the lair whenever has them on her person.

*She thoroughly enjoys having long conversations with each of the individual turtles. (It's her favorite way to spend time with anyone tbh)

*April does eventually take some time to properly learn Japanese and becomes pretty decent at speaking and reading it.

*)(er and Donnie often like to geek out together whenever they find anything new about aliens (both species they haven't seen yet and ones they know well like the kraang).

*End of the mini April cluster!!!

*Kirby O'Neil is a pretty decent cook. That man can make a mean chicken stew.

*Shinigami actually owns multiple cats. 2 ragdoll, 1 sphinx, 1 Persian, and 3 British shorthairs (I could name them all, but I don't wanna). Also, the majority of them are black cats. She feeds strays, too.

*The last headcanon is much to Karai's dismay because she is somewhat allergic. She gets headaches, her skin gets slightly irritated and she gets the sniffles if she's around cats for too long.

*Casey's younger sister wants to be a hair stylist when she grows up, so Jones let's her do his hair every once in a while and he flexes it to every one at the lair like: "Oh? My hair? Yeah, my sister did it for me. Pretty metal, what she did with it, right?"

*Tigerclaw is the only Foot Clan member to not bully Baxter Stockman.

*Someone manipulated and lied to Alopex in order to make her hate and hunt down her brother.

*After season 4, Baxter Stockman leaves New York and takes over Stockman Industries. (If you're unaware of what that is, it's on billboards that the turtles pass throughout the show the most notable appearance being in the ending scene of the final season 4 episode, 'Owari'.)

*Slash deep down still misses The Newtralizer.

*Leatherhead kind of freaks out (apologies for the bad wording) when someone fully wraps their arms around his neck when hugging him because it reminds him of the restraints the Kraang put him in.

*Pigeon Pete learns how to bake so he can make his own bread.

*The turtles get a Wii (or whatever the universes equivalent is).

*Mondo Gecko gets an old Xbox and plays Tony )(awk games, Bully, and Twisted Metal on it.

*Ivan and Anton actually move out to New Jersey post show.

*Alr, that's all for now, toodles!!!

[deetealeaf]

⭐️

YOURE AMAZINGGGG

THANK YOUU

⭐⭐ ur amazing as well<33

[ddarker-dreams]

Lock, what DO you love and like so much about Dostoevsky's work? I don't think you've ever talked about that. Please, I want to know !!!

^o^

(christianity mention jump scare below proceed with caution)

i thought this would be an easy to answer but figuring out how to put my feelings into words proved difficult .

the beginning is always a good place to start, so let's go with that. by chance, i happened upon this video on youtube and gave it a watch. about halfway in i decided i had to read notes from underground for myself. i struggled to understand what the narrator was trying to get across. the unique writing style, where the reader is addressed directly, as if in challenge, helped me preserve.

i think part of what makes his work special to me is his depiction of people. and they really do feel like people more than characters, even if some of their characteristics are unique to the era dostoevsky wrote in. everything else about them transcends time. i can see myself in some of them. whether it be the titular idiot, prince myshkin in his naivety; alyosha, who goes from devout to doubting; and ivan, whose bitterness toward religion masks his disappointment at the state of the world. 

that's why the brothers karamazov touched me in particular. for some context, i grew up in a christian household and was heavily involved in the church (american northeast white baptist strand of church). around when i was 11 or so, the introduction of left-wing politics through social media had me undergo a looooong identity crisis. these new ideas felt at odds with what i'd spent my entire life believing. what i grappled with the most relates to ivan's anecdote, the grand inquisitor, where the goodness of god is called into question. the bitterness, the disappointment from crushed expectations, all those sensations resonated strongly with me. reading it as an adult who (supposedly) 'healed' from that time period in my life was like opening pandora's box. i'd never seen my thoughts and struggles so accurately described, or treated with more than a 'his ways are higher than our ways' type platitude. i stuffed these concerns of mine away because they only ever served to make me feel worse.

i won't delve deep into the Depressing Lore. the only reason i mention it is to stress how profound an impact the work had on me. throughout the remainder of TBK (and in most of dostoevsky's discography), the best and worst of humanity is shown. our hypocritical nature, capacity for evil; nothing is shied away from or made more palatable. and yet, throughout it all, our potential for good is shown too. whether it be in the little acts or monumental self-sacrifice. sometimes those acts are honored, or ‘worth it,’ sometimes they aren’t. it’s cheesy but whatever i’ll say it — choosing to love and serve others is my greatest joy. i don’t really need a definitive answer to those problems i struggled with. that’s the takeaway i’ve had from his work. it might not seem like a big deal, but not feeling guilty for having certain doubts or anxious over those doubts never fully being resolved was. very significant for me. and healing (for real this time). 

so that’s the sentimental perspective GJSDLKFJS from my writer’s perspective, i can only describe him as brilliant. his grasp on the human psyche is incredible. he can accurately describe so many emotions, worldviews, and give the context necessary for each one to feel organic and real. it’s vivid, too, in a way i can’t properly get across. everyone’s unfiltered and messy. characters contradict themselves in the same sentence. they’ll murmur, go off on tangents, tell stories, misquote the bible (or many other significant works), and just be overall disasters. aka how people actually are. 

the man’s also funny as hell. the protagonist from crime and punishment has a mental breakdown spanning multiple pages over a sock. yes, there’s context, but that’s still the gist of things. then there’s the issue of the hedgehog in the idiot. hedgehog drama. 

ultimately, his work is so very human. there’s commentary on issues that are prevalent to this day, multiple centuries later. the topics he touches on tend to align with what i care about most. whether i agree or disagree with what i’m reading, there’s always something i glean from it. something meaningful that sits with me long after i close the book. i’ll mull over it and bother people in my vicinity until they mull over it too. no one is safe. whether it be a co-worker or my dad who drives noticeably faster to reach our destination and be free of my many questions.

i could keep going but this ended up being long enough GJSKDF i hope at least something here makes sense?>?? i apologize for the incoherent ramblings. it's what the dude does to me.

[deetealeaf]

thank you thank you thank you ajxgsjakzbxjakagxjajztxbsjakazaa I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH<33333333

AJXNSJAKAKAMZMAKAJSNDJSKAKVBJS😭😭😭 <333333 I LOVE YOUU ILOVE YOU ILY I LOVEEE YOUUUU !!!! YOUR SO WONDERFUL AND POETIC I ADORE YOUUUUUU❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Happy birthday Dee!!!!

So proud to call you my best friend and favorite person <333 I love you more than literature for where one might read between the lines of a poem or story, they must think hard for love while simply having a conversation with you is enough!! Your love is simple and wholly and I am ever so grateful to witness it <333333

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY <333333333333

@deetealeaf <333

[shakingparadigm]

Op help me. At this point I'd be happy with a platonic MiziTill as well. Part of my brain doesn't know how it will work but I just want them to be at the bar in those human rebel areas and sob their drunk little hearts out. I just want the remaining babies to be safe and sound 😭😭

Platonic MiziTill!!!! It would make me so happy. I think Till is fixated on an idealized version of Mizi, the happy, bright, naive girl from the garden. If he ever sees her again, he'll have to come to terms with the fact that she's permanently changed and no longer the girl she was before. She's not his savior, she's simply a person trying her hardest to push through adversity after being down for so long. Because of this I think they'd have the potential to be very close. Right now Till is going through a process that Mizi herself went through not too long ago. The parallels between the two of them have become increasingly clear ever since ROUND 6. Both wearing black, losing someone close to them in white. Both have to face off against Luka while in a dazed and disassociative headspace. I 100% could see Till strangling Luka too. I genuinely think that Till is affected by Ivan's death (it's kind of hard not to after... all that) even if Ivan in his final moments believed that Till didn't care about him enough to be. I think Mizi would sympathize with Till and try her best to get him back on his feet just like Hyuna did with her. And speaking of, Hyuna knows all too well what it's like to lose someone, too. If they all managed to make it out alive (HIGHLY DOUBTFUL) I think they'd make a really strong bond. Right now, though, in their current circumstances... I don't even know if they'll be reaching each other any time soon.

[whizzinpast]

Lord, Give Me One More Chance

Prelude: Final Prayers

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Ivan (Alien Stage)/Till (Alien Stage), Ivan (Alien Stage) & Till (Alien Stage)

Chapter Warnings: Major Character Death

Chapter Summary: Till had only seen him as a corpse.

Read on AO3 / Prelude (you are here) / Chapter 1

Till didn’t believe in gods until he saw his first flower in Anakt Garden.

Gods were forbidden. Systems of belief were foundations of solidarity, and the segyein didn’t need human solidarity unless it tastes like entertainment. If it’s a big story broadcasted live across the entire supercluster and makes the skies rain money, you could worship the fish for all they cared.

Not Till, though. Till didn’t care about Anakt fish and their jagged, metallic teeth or gods. He scored himself a drive with the wildest tracks of human cries. He got smacked around for it, but it was still on him, so it was worth it. So worth it. Anakt Garden only ever taught the classics; pretty, resonant sounds smoother than nebulas that Till reiterated only because he had to. The theory was boring, the songs were boring, and his vocals were average.

What Till truly liked to do was hidden in the trees— crumpled paper wrapped around the thinner branches. He’d carry his writing tool everywhere, glued to his arm with medical tape under the sleeve of his shirt. He’d take it out when he discreetly plugs the small archive into the nearest system, and he’d listen to sounds that made him shiver. He didn’t think that humans could sound like that, like scraping tiles with the needle of a syringe, or that music could be the shriek of an electric, stringed instrument accompanied by beats so intense they’d rattle a spaceship. Bright, colorful lights, shiny boots with sharp heels, nets and flying tongues. It defied everything Till was taught about being human. These sounds, whatever they were, were alien.

He decided that this— this was music, and swore he would replicate it on paper.

Problem was, it never worked. Till never translated screams and groans and growls before. He had gotten so upset with himself he dug his teeth into the collar on his mouth for hours before he fell asleep in his confinement chamber. The lights would turn back on, his muzzle would be removed, and he’d scurry back to his tree where he’d scribble for hours. It was rinse repeat until his very first recital with the children of Anakt Garden.

Till was held back because they thought he would bite off someone’s hand if he joined, but he’d been more docile lately. Unbeknownst to them, it was largely because of his archive of ‘rock’n’roll’. It worked better than putting him under, so the caretakers read his behavior as a sign that he was ready to join the group. The muzzle was removed, and for once, Till didn’t run.

It was boring. It was painstaking and long. It was the best thing that happened in his life.

The children were lined up in a straight, horizontal row so their instructor could observe their movements and correct them if needed. Four kids down was a girl that belted out the chorus like it was her lifeline. She made the same old song sound like something Till could listen to a thousand times over.

Her hair was colorful and vibrant. It was pink, a diluted tint of the red blooms that crowned her head. He’d only seen the flowers on pictures, and nothing that colorful grew around his tree.

Till chased the petals that fluttered in her wake. He chased the whole damn crown when it slid off her silken head. It fell into a dark section of the Garden, a restricted area where hologram repairs were taking place, and he got smacked around real good for that.

It didn’t matter to him anymore because her name was Mizi. And if a god ever existed, then she was one. If belief was entertainment then Till was going to be the biggest act in the entire Virgo Cluster.

He returned to his papers invigorated, and the chaotic cries of his once Earth-bound brethren spoke to him like never before.

Day in, day out. Write the sounds. Draw the soft, divine lines of her face. Worship through song. Bite through the medical examinations. Build his way towards his first album. Draw her again when he needs inspiration. Bite Urak’s hand. Draw her one more time when the bruises make his head spin.

“You drew her wrong.”

Till jumped in place, bumping his back against the bark of the tree. Looking back, he noticed a kid looming over his shoulder, radiating warmth like a living boiler. He didn’t even notice him.

“What are you talking about?” He spat at him. His fingers tightened on his stack of drawings.

The boy raised his hand. He mercilessly pressed a finger against the outer lines of Mizi’s face and traced her jaw. “This part is longer now. It slopes down like this.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“It does. She’s growing, so her bones grow in this direction—“

“I know how her face looks like.”

“Then why are you drawing her wrong?”

“I’m not drawing her wrong. That’s how she looks like.” Till twisted around to face the intruder, glaring at his black, black eyes. He was leaning, but Till could tell he went through a growth spurt. He’d grow to be tall enough to look larger than life if he straightened up.

He didn’t look phased by Till’s response. He wiped Mizi’s jaw with her finger, smudging the line.

Till slapped his arm. “Who are you?”

“Don’t you remember?”

“I’ve never seen you in my life.”

The boy bore his empty gaze into the drawing. Then in a quick motion, he pulled his pencil and a paper out of his grasp. He sprinted before Till could snatch his things back.

“Hey!” Till shrieked. Really shrieked. Like the shriek he made when Urak dragged him around by his hair.

He rose to his legs, his drawings fluttering out of his lap, smudged and forgotten as he chased the black-eyed bastard across the picturesque plains.

“Come back!”

They ran past the trees, past the children. The bright, saturated colors of Anakt Garden faded. The grass fractured. The sky lost its vibrant hues. Till found the thief at the glitched opening of the restricted section where he got into trouble. It was where illusion met reality. Green bled into gray, electric hums whirring from the maw of a tunnel that led somewhere beyond the Garden. Framed by its opening was the boy, laying on his belly, hunched over the stolen piece of paper.

“It’s just a pencil! Give it back!” It was the only one he had. He could’t get another one because the only gifts Urak gave him were claws and needles. The papers and the pencil were all he had until someone feels generous again. “Give it back—“

The thief rolled onto his back to raise his masterpiece above his head. Till could barely see it, but he felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw a sketch of Mizi on the back.

The boy said nothing at first, too distracted by his creation.

“I practiced my signature for autographs, since I don’t have anything to write with except my fingers.”

Liar, Till sneered.

He looked around for signs of segyein, smelled the air for their scent. Red flowers littered the floor. Smashed red petals haloed the boy’s body as he continued to turn the paper around. When he was done, he straightened, then turned to show his work to Till— strange letters written in fancy script. Red blotches smeared the upper corner, faded and thick red strokes of segyein symbols.

“I tried using different means,” the boy explained. His grin was small and modest as he looked down at the pencil. “But I find the graphite much better.”

Till ground his teeth. The red against his paper was sending shivers down his spine. “Why did you do it?”

The thief blinked at him as if the answer was obvious. “I’m a needy believer. What else am I supposed to do?”

His answer didn’t make any sense. Till’s eyes were on the drawing in his hand, something that did make sense. One side had the repeated signatures filling the paper top to bottom. The other side had his smudged sketch of Mizi’s profile, and the bloody smudge bled through the paper, tainting her face like a terrible, mortal wound.

Till clenched his fists. He stomped towards the thief, smacking the paper out of his hands and slamming his foot against his chest. Now he was starting to look more familiar. Did he punch this kid before? Did the kid punch him back?

Till grabbed the front of his shirt. “I was fine. I was drawing her right. I was doing everything right. Why did you—“ The kid pushed him. Till lunged, his fists flying. He felt a crack. “Why aren’t you talking? You wanted a fight? You’re getting it! Look, you’re—getting it!”

He wasn’t fighting back. Till remembered he always fought back. The only time he had ever seen him smile was when he had his fist buried in Till’s side.

“Answer me! What’s your damage—“

The kid’s lips moved. Till paused. “What?”

“Smile for the cameras, Till.” The boy croaked, red dripping down the ends of his lips. “The stage is your altar.”

Till paused.

With a whopping score of eighty-nine points, Till is set to join us in the finale—

Red in the water. Red blooms on a white suit. Till’s fist was in the air, frozen after the third punch.

The boy’s jaw was sharper than he remembered. His shoulders were broader, and he would still be taller than Till if he stood up to his full height.

He was dead long before Till laid his hands on him, punctured by three bullets. Cold, wet and bloody, he laid under him like a fallen monument. Not even his fists could make him move again, even if it’s to block a punch.

Till watched the beaten corpse of a believer, his believer, as sentinels dragged it across the flooded stage.

He remembered his name.

“Ivan,” he muttered numbly. “The pencil, Ivan. You didn’t give it back. Hey. He has to give it back.”

But nobody listened. Nobody. No mortal or god.

“Give it back. Give it back.”

AO3 / Prelude (you are here) / Chapter 1