#iunno i just dont like how it looks

[fiberc]

i think im gonna stop dumping doodles all in one post

[creakysocks]

"'Sides, I got a feeling you'd do this either way so not like I've got much of a choice."

"I- Thank you uncle Aaron."

"Don't thank me, I'm just looking out for my nephew."

...

[saltwukong]

Bitches will literally tell you a story that they were the villain of.

[radrobotz]

actually why is the new fop cartoon animated like the ppg special from 2014

[sosoribro]

rouxls kaard and the theme of freedom: just trust me bro

now listen. i know rouxls is just the funny blue idiot man with the confusing-to-pronounce name and the funny duck, and its likely that he'll just remain the silly comic-relief guy for the whole game. and honestly i love that. i think that would be really funny.

(YAP SESH INCOMING)

HOWEVER

freedom. lets talk about freedom. you know, that reoccuring concept we all know and love. freedom. choice. one's own autonomy.

now lets look at rouxls again. what is he? the rules card. whats a point that comes up time and time again when discussing this character? in a deck of cards, the rules card has almost no significance whatsoever, and exists for just that: the rules. as a result, it is often discarded. it is considered useless.

but look at how rouxls views himself, and look at how he carries himself. it is so easy to say that he thinks he's better than everyone, and that he truly is nothing but a stuck-up, vain man who's too stupid to even see that he's well... stupid.

or is he? (legitimate question!!! here's a potential answer????)

because he seems fixated on working for someone. anyone, it seems. so here we have someone who considers himself to be absolutely intelligent, capable, powerful, and just generally better than everyone else, yet still wants to settle for second-in-command? he contradicts himself. but why?

so back to the card thing. the rules card is ultimately in a deck to help.

and rouxls kaard seems desperate to help. to assist. to serve. but that makes sense, considering that as the rules card, that is his purpose.

and what if he knew that?

so this is the part where i realize that im way too invested in this character and will really take ANYTHING as evidence for my probably-not-canon lore that's canon in my mind and only in my mind. stop reading right now if you dont like that.

anyway

rouxls lists long walks in the dungeon as one of his hobbies.

and who's in the dungeon?

THATS RIGHT. I AM BRINING THIS GUY UP:

YOU KNOW HIM, YOU LOVE HIM, ITS JEVIL YEAH I EVEN DRAGGED JEVIL INTO THIS SO YOU KNOW IM IN TOO DEEP

so anyway ignoring how far-fetched this is what if hypothetically rouxls wandered down to jevil's cell and somehow learned that it was all just a game yada yada yada and in the process, learned that providing rules and helping until he is inevitably discarded is simply his role.

and so, his personality is as stuck-up and high-and-mighty as it is because he wants to feel important. he needs to feel important, otherwise he'll be thrown away.

he needs to be of use to someone, but can not stand going ignored.

in being so willing to submit to whoever's in power, he denies himself freedom.

so long story short: hey guys what if rouxls actually knows hes useless and mostly discarded. how does he know? idk jevil maybe told him??? but maybe thats why hes so desperate to work for someone, but is so full of himself at the same time? because he wants to feel needed and important, because he knows that the rules card gets thrown away. again, jevil probably told him iunno

and thats how rouxls totally links to the theme of freedom guys totally a billion percent canon i am definitely so normal about him

NOW ALTERNATIVELY HE COULD ALSO JUST BE FUNNY STUPID MAN I DUNNO

[evercelle]

hello!! ive been following from here and on twitter, but mostly twitter, since u veeery first started posting xiaoven (venxiao?) art

i wanted to let you know that your art has irreversibly changed my life for the better. ive been drawing since i was very very tiny but by the time i got to junior year of high school i had no muse and no inspiration and no direction and your posts got to me at just the right time. your use of composition and colors are gorgeous and i dont even usually enjoy this type of art style but yours really just spoke to me

working tirelessly to get “to your level” (as silly as it sounds) completely reignited a spark in me — receiving your xiaoven christmas card and being able to examine all the details in physical form inspired me to work on a huge, detailed illustration of my own! (or at least i thought it was huge and detailed at the time lmao, looking back it’s not all that great). and even outside of that, every illustration was a push for me to learn more about backgrounds, lighting, the placement of detail, expression, character design — it was a lot and im eternally grateful for it.

sorry for rambling at you !! but thank you so much for the work you do. im now broke in my early years of college so i havent been able to afford your shop wares, but i wouldve loved to help monetarily for all the good youve done for me just by existing. im not nearly as active of a follower as before (and even then ‘active’ was a stretch, ive kind of just lurked) but one of my mutuals reposted a work of yours and i felt like just kinda putting this here iunno

and im so so sorry if this is super parasocial or weird LOL :”))) i promise this is probably the only time ill have the courage to interact directly

thank you, ever :)

heyo anon!! i was pretty floored reading this... thank you for taking the time to send such a kind message. i don't think it's ever too late to come back to drawing, so i'm glad you found your drive. hope you've been having fun with every single illustration since, no matter how they turned out!

developing skills is hard and sometimes discouraging work... but i think getting to the point where you're able to express yourself the way you want must be one of the happiest feelings in the world.

[large-baguette-112]

hi 💕 for the hyperfix ask game :3

oooooh this is a good one!!

ill just go with the lovely looks to the moon for now since rw's the biggest thing im fixated on right now <3

i dont remember when she became my favorite but i think it's just because she actually talks to you in the game and doesn't try to hurt you

when i was still playing blind i had grabbed one of her neuron flies but seeing her flip out and shake her head "no" instead of like. iunno pulling a noodlefly and trying to be aggressive towards me was such a wild change compared to what's outside her can

plus the fact she's the biggest source of lore for essentially the entire game, but she's also an unreliable narrator due to her unwillingness to read everything some pearls have on them plus having her own biases is just so good to my brain

something about how her personality can be read even before you get the mark of communication is really nice to me

that's my thoughts on her :3c live laugh love looks to the moon <3

[youkaigakkou-tl]

Hey i was rereading some yohaji chapters mainly the train arc(can you call it an arc?!?idk) for.... reasons...like trying to find a specific panel....and i ended up on the festival chapters instead, specifically the bit where the principal and ranmaru go through the escape game. And i noticed on chapter 62 that ranmaru says something odd.

He says that one of the students(i think hes talking about the students, he says kid so im assuming its a student) looks familiar, and he thinks they met a long time ago when he was still a god. (I also dont know which student hes talking about here, im bad at remembering their name and what type of youkai they all are)

Do you have any idea whats hes talking about

I apologise if youve said something about this before or if this means nothing and its been solved in the manga and ive just forgotten that its been said before.

(Its almost 1am, as im about to send this there are 7 minuetes unill 1 am, rn so my brain isnt working verry well, i also hope ive sent this ask to the right person-the one who usually translates yohaji as ive been typing this for a bit now and forgot if i pressed the right profile, i think i did)

oh wow this is an essay of an ask

so the "ranmaru sees someone who was a god 1000 years ago" thing is usually lumped together with the "ebisu has a spy" thing from ch54, because while it isn't explicitly stated they're connected, both are referring to someone in class secretly being a god/former god (besides sano obv), and if they're talking about 2 different people that's too many.

this is still very much a mystery and there hasn't been direct reference to it besides these 2 times, so your guess is as good as mine, and most people i've talked to have a different guess of who it is, as well as the general consensus guess shifting over time

personally, i've gone into why it could be kurahashi in the 2nd half of this post, but there's also plenty of things that could debunk that idea, it's just the one with most evidence for it right now

here's also these 2 process-of-elimination charts, 1st for who ranmaru could have seen based off that qipao, 2nd for whose parents we haven't seen/don't know the confirmed status (unlike how we know odawara doesn't have parents and just came into being etc)

(dont mind that theyre 2 different shades of grey. i made them on different days lol)

because of the 2 pieces of info that the mystery person is a god and over 1000 years old, anyone whose families we've seen and has a confirmed age (aka we've seen them as kids at some point) is automatically out. there's also that this mystery person was delivering clothes to the guys' changing room, so i think all the girls are out too.

just those 3 things eliminates basically everyone other than kurahashi and the ogata twins. of course, it could still be (one of the?) ogata twins, but i feel like that's a little.... iunno.... feel like they're the red herring....

still, there's the detail that the principal knows something, or at least has a guess, which i don't really know what to make of. (easy for him to say! he's got the records of all the students!)

personally, i think the "maybe it's a chance likeness" line doesn't really mean anything, and is just ranmaru trying to change/drop the subject after principal disagrees with him, but i could also be wrong about that.

[modern-inheritance]

Escape pt 2(3???) Snippet #2(?)

Once again bashing out random bits and pieces that I want to be in here and dumping them on tumblr while I ignore the connections.

also, saw a post from an editor talking about how we write for ourselves so we should write all the fluffy stuff and the breakfast scenes we want, but then take them out before we put the official version out there.

I...I don't do that? That's why these escape series pieces are always so fuckin long. When I honestly write for myself and if I'm going to end up posting it, I'm not cutting those parts out. I know a lot of what I write is basically those cut pieces. And that's what I LIKE to write. So if they're too long...iunno, don't read my completed stuff I guess?

*confused and somewhat distressed shrug* I don't know! I write what I write and I don't take out the floofy bits Why am I trying to defend my style I dont know!

~~~

“Enough.” Eragon didn’t respond. His hand wavered over the elf’s skin as he hovered over a burn that had been revealed as the inflammation of the last gash had faded. “Enough! Eragon!”

Saphira broke him out of it. She lowered her head and nudged her partner’s shoulder, nearly toppling the youth over. 

It took him a handful of seconds to acknowledge them even then, clumsily dragging himself up to his knees from the hunch he had landed in before leaning heavily against Saphira’s snout. Eragon could hardly see straight. He could see two of everything, more if he didn’t focus on trying to draw the images together. His hands felt cold even against the warmth of Saphira’s scales. 

“B’wnah–” He swallowed hard. Someone passed him a canteen, and sunwarmed water soothed his tacky mouth. “We’re not done yet.” The elf’s back swam in front of his eyes. There was more skin than before, that was certain. Bruised, yes, but the new patches were far more assuring than the mess of burns, gouges and cuts, exposed muscle and…and things he couldn’t explain and didn’t want to know what caused them. 

But there was still…still so much. How long had it taken them to just assess the damage? To figure out what needed healing? Eragon set to the task as Brom pointed out the worst as he found them, checked her legs, her arms. The evidence of wounds healed before, others left to time….

And still there was so…so much red. There was so much that needed more than they could provide, had to be covered with shiny, thin membranes of skin that would have to repair itself without magic, the places Brom had shooed him away from with promises that he would stitch them or dress them, to save his and Saphira’s strength. 

Eragon didn’t know the woman. But…he…he felt like he knew her, felt like he had some connection to her, felt that he and Saphira had been fated to meet her, and felt that he could have known her for years before. And seeing her like this? Hell, if he had seen anyone like this…. 

He just wanted to hold on to her. Wrap her in his arms and promise her he wouldn’t let anything else like that happen. 

…Granted, from what Brom had said about the elf, that probably would lead to him getting his head stuffed into the closest hollow tree trunk she could find. If he didn’t give her some warning at least.

Brom was speaking. Eragon dragged his eyes away, back to his mentor’s face. 

“–ed to move. We can’t do anything more right now, and we can’t stay in one place for too long.” 

Murtagh’s voice cut through. “No! Are you mad? Eragon needs to rest, just look at him! He can’ even sit up straight without holding on to Saphira!” Eragon dimly heard the young man moving forward, saw the flash of dark cloth as he gestured toward the pair. “And Saphira! She needs to sleep too, you said yourself she’s giving energy to help cast all that healing magic!” 

‘I’m strong enough to fly.’ Saphira murmured to her Rider. Eragon gave her a wan smile from where he was still half draped against her head and scratched under the corner of her jaw. The low hum that vibrated through his chest spread warmth through his bones. ‘You did well, Little One.’

He rocked his face against the jagged crest of one of her eyes, felt the snick of her lid closing against his cheek. ‘She’s still hurt.’

The humming intensified, soothing through his mind as well as his body. ‘But she is better than before. She will live.’

“Eragon can sleep while we ride.” Brom pushed back. “And Saphira’s been dozing on and off, she’s got enough in her to fly far enough that we stay ahead.” 

“If you think for a second that we’re going to be able to keep him from falling off Cadoc–”

“I’m fine.” Both men snapped their heads around when Eragon rasped out the words. The youth was shakily fastening the snaps on the back of the elf’s shirt again before gently transferring her off his knees and onto her side. “I’ll…I’ll be okay sleeping in the saddle. Saphira says she’s good to fly.” 

Brom gave the boy an appreciative nod. “Good.” Murtagh swore and scrubbed his hands through his hair, stalking off to the horses. “I’m not a fool, whelp. There should be a cave system not far from here, big enough to hide all of us for at least half a day. We can hole up there and rest properly.” 

The young man clicked his lips in disdain. “Oh, but of course, it’s not like that’d be the first bloody place they’d search, but who am I to argue! I just lead the bloody horses!” 

“It’s not well known. Help me with her, and you–” Brom pointed to Eragon, who was struggling to his feet. “There’s a ration pack in your saddlebags. Eat what you can. And keep drinking that water.” The boy nodded and stumbled towards where Cadoc was tethered. Before he could pass, Brom stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and leaned in. “Good job, boy. I’m proud of you.” 

Eragon couldn’t make his eyes see just one horse, so he couldn’t really trust his other senses. But he thought, for a moment, that the usually gruff and rumble tone in his mentor’s voice had taken on a sincere rush of warmth. It felt like his own chest glowed at the words, and then the exhaustion flooded in again and all he could do was nod numbly. He clumsily clapped the man on the arm before he staggered off to eat and collapse into Cadoc’s saddle.

[apollotronica]

1 38 49?

1. are looks important in a relationship?

errmmm hm. id say not really ... conventional attractiveness doesnt . do anything for me . and i dont judge whether or not id date someone based on how they look . iunno

38. have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Uhjm yeag honrstly my current bf a little ... when i joined th mutual circle he was kinda just a usernamr like i knew who he was but i didnt Know really i just thought Hes friends with all these people . and then i was shot and killed and thats where it ends

49. if you have a partner, what is your favorite thing about them?

Heh I Do . smirk emoji . its hard to pick just one Honeslty but ummmm um um . i really Rrrreeeeeaaaallllllyyyyyyyyyy like his laugh and his voice in general I lovehisvoicr uuuauuauauauauaaaahhhhhh aaaaaahhhhhhh UUUUHAHAHHHHHHHRRHGRGH i love his art and sense of humor and hes so niceys and sweetness and hes smart and dedicated and kind of a weirdo but its literally so okay because i like when he giggles b4 sending an out of pocket message And i like how its kinda obvious when he doesnt like someone but no one else seems to notice AAANNNDDDDD i likr how his personality is kinda like when you eat something and its mild but tasty at first and then a bucnh of flavor kicks in And u keep eating it for the dual experience . i would say like a jawbreaker thats sweet on the outside and sour ok the inside but He wouldnt be sour if he were a flavor . im thinking sweet then spicy which is funny becausr hes a quirked up white boy rhat cant handle spice . I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND !!!!!!!!!!! WEOW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM COOCOO I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH AND GOT SO FAR OFF TOPIC MY BAD CHAT. ok final answer his voice👍

THANK YOU!!!!

[blubushie]

Opinions of furries?

From being a furry for decades, i can give you bit of information on it all in case you dont know. There is different "catogries" of furries. I can say that there is a hypothetical graphic that all furry charracters can stumble on.

The x axis would be the level of anthropomorphisation. the extremes going: (-100) Human (fully human. No anthropormorphisation whatsoever), (0) Anthro (the blend between feral and human. Characters tend to walk on two legs, skeletons and anatomy are usually changed, etc,), (100) Feral (Literally an animal).

The y axis is the aesthetic style your character is intended to be in: (-100) Toony (Stylized in a way that is very cartoonish. Big expressive eyes, distinct character design, etc,) (100) Feral (Literally an animal).

The z axis is the intelligence/sentience your character have: (-100) Human (fully capable of all of the abstract human thought and intelligence and critical thinking), (100) Feral (Literally an animal. Usually aligned with the level of intelligence/behaviour the species of the character.).

A character that is (0, 0, 0) Is i would say your average furry.

A character that is (100, 100, 100) would be a straight up animal. a whole ass animal with no unrealistic characteristics or behaviors. like a frog or something.

A character that is (-100, -100, -100) It is just a human person that is stylized in a cartoony way.

Most furries have fursona characters that are only existing in artistic form. Like drawing on a computer or a paper sheet. Most do not own fursuit costumes.

I am wanted to know curiously what you think about the furries. Where do you draw line? Do you not like things certain?

good day for you, i hope

excuse myself for the not so good wording english is not my first language

Mate I've spent the past 15 minutes or so staring at this and trying to puzzle out how to respond to furry algebra in my fucking inbox.

Funny answer: If you've got a hide to peel and look like an animal then I'm hunting you like an animal. Smart as people makes the job fun. Rare, unique, artistic? Sounds like it'd be nice trophy over my mantle. I'm sharpening my skinning knives and you should start running.

Real answer: Iunno, mate, furries make me really bloody uncomfortable. Even a human body with animal ears and tail kinda toe the line for me. It crosses wires in my brain that don't jive well. When I was younger I liked the art of, er, anthro wolves and shit (think Native American-esque themes, with natural colours, not sparkledog stuff) because I thought it looked cool but the community's always kinda given me a weird vibe and whatever interest I mighta had completely detached with the whole Kero situation in addition to having some... unpleasant interactions with people in the community. I want nothing to do with the community at all at this point, not even the art. Gives me the creeps, especially the more sexual aspect.

If you're a furry you can still interact of course, I just... don't wanna be sent furry stuff. Makes me uncomfortable. One of the few tags I've got blacklisted here.

[vulpiximisa]

so i finally finished chapter 0 and if the rest of the cases are going to be like this i low key wanna die

the mystery labyrinth is sooooooo long???? at first glance it looks super cool but then you realize youre just making yuma walk down a long corridor while him and shinigami talk. And he cant even run any faster

and like, how many modes/mini games are there???? the reasoning death match yeah, okay valid. interesting to see yuma literally dodging the verbal assaults, i like the sword over bullets but whatever

then you chose between door options, not sure if theres a DR equivalent of that but okay, but must we see yuma getting slashed every single time

then theres the “reinvestigate the mind crime scene” like uhhhhh sure. I personally hate these kinds of “lets replicate the crime scene” types (AAI Kay’s Little Thief) because its like, how Valid are these clues anyway if youre physically not there

then theres the minecart which is mind logic, fine, i guess

shinigami beach barrel is... a better version of hangmans gambit but not too much better. I like her eye beams. 

GOD gami is.... the idea is funny but iunno why we needed it (their version of the bullet time battle i think?)

AND WE STILL RECREATE THE CRIME IN A COMIC FORM but its in the death note book. ????????? like i get that the wrap up is is necessary but was the comic book format the only way? The stills are very nice though but it loses the charm from DR where it had a different overall style from the rest of the game

like my take away from this first case (its not even the first case its case 0 and now im on the prologue???????) is the graphics are nice but that labyrinth went on for waaaay too long and i dont know if the dialogue is just not for me anymore but it just being yuma and gami is already tiring.

Theres a lot of just talking sequences and yeah in the end of the day its supposed to be a little more than a visual novel but it just feels so slow sometimes?

rip those detectives in the first case, what a waste of characters. i mean, maybe we will re open the case or see mentions of them later but iunno, somehow doubt

Okay so i had already deduced Zilch as the culprit, knowing he used Aphex’s body as a duplicate. (Nice call back to DR1-5). I knew Car 1 and 5 were swapped but I guess I didn’t understand the world enough because of the existence of Shinigami and the “Fortes” so I was under the impression that Zilch’s real Forte was to make things swap and he was lying about the animals. The fact that they explained the whole train car swap logically made me feel like i was thinking too far like a professor layton mystery lmfao.

My dumb ass did not remember the names of the characters so i was having a ball during the minecart mind logic part

anyway on to the prologue, i know as hell that yakou is a fan favorite. everybody loves a scruffy gintoki voiced by koyasu. (not me, but i know ppl like older 20s/young 30s year old “dads”)

[soona-kit]

every so often ill look on the msm yt community post with my deedge art and ill just. look through the comments and giggle. some of my findings are, but are not limited to:

-a few people saying "this kinda looks like cropped r34 iunno mannne" (it isnt)

-a LOT of people asking "why he got a big chest though" or "yoo mommy milkers.." (that was supposed to be the chin that deedge has in game. i just drew it a lot bigger/fluffier to make it fit more into my style but hey. to each their own)

-one of the top comments being "this really puts the COLD in the cold island boss" (extremely true)

-actually theres just a whole bunch of people asking why deedge had a big chest jts probably like half the comments at this point (ITS THE CHINNN ITS THE CHINNN RAHHHH)

-a comment that says "this is the worst fanart i have ever seen" with a reply saying "not that you could do any better" (theyre probably right)

-comments that dont even relate to the topic at all (why are you here)

i'm not sure whether i should feel proud or mortified 💀💀

also some related to twitter:

-the usual comments with shard->gem conversion, facebook issues, and that guy that requests things that are not getting in game

-a lot of people asking "why does it say sensetive content?"; for those of you keyed in to my twitter activity (probably like 3 of you now that i think about it) all my media posts past the congle drawing got flagged as sensetive because... uh i have no clue actually. i was fucking around in the settings a little bit and i mightve messed up big time so. lol. im taking a break from twitter for a bit anyway, just for mental reasons (twitter is toxic asf), and all the sudden attention on my account, but also to see how long this issue takes to get fixed. so yeah.

reddit has not that many, its all just people congratulating me. all 3 platforms it was put on adjacent to the monsterpiece shoutout (i put it on the msm subreddit BECAUSE of that shoutout) have that comment in common. i just kinda wanted to put spotlights on the yt comments first and foremost because i thought they were funny. so lmaoooo

and the thing is, im not even mad. people are just like that. the funny thing is, the last time i drew deedge (see the old art dump post) the fluff part actually looked like a chin. but you know, we change, we grow (maybe.)

but im glad i got featured anyways, because that means more people can see my art, wnether it be new followers (which is a total of 4 since i last checked in to my twitter) or just a blow up of that one post. it makes me happy to see that the game i love and appreciate... loves and appreciates me back! it truly warms my heart.

anyways thats it i guess. have a nice day. make sure to not objectify your local deedge /hj

[hometownrockstar]

I’ve been wanting to read new books/comics do you have any suggestions? I wanna broaden my horizon and try out works I haven’t had the chance to get into!

yeah sure! ive been reading quite a bit lately, mainly horror and disturbing books/mangas so obviously trigger warnings for those ones i can elaborate on specific ones if u ask but i'll keep it short... iunno what specifically you might want so i'll just shoutout my favs recently

Berserk has been the latest manga ive been reading, probably one of the hardest ones to read bc its VERY sad and disturbing but is an incredible story nonetheless. i am not phased easily by written stuff but berserk was the first thing to have a scene that i had to look away from so proceed with caution... Berserk is interesting bc it has Nietzschean tragedy themes and structure, portraying a world where evil and pain happens for no reason despite humans fearing not pain but pain without purpose, but it also holds a sense of compassion and realism to both the good and bad, exemplifying how Nietzsche saw tragedy as beneficial to enjoying and valuing the good parts of life. Sorry this got long but a lot of horror stuff i feel can be boiled down to "Super fucked up bad things happen in it" which doesnt give the whole scope of how a specific media might handle or portray it, so i wanted to explain how it feels to me, rather than just saying its gratuitous.

Something different is the manga Ultra Heaven! this was like finding gold when i discovered it, its short and unfortunately incomplete but i highly recommend it just for the incredible illustration work and playing with paneling and crazy mind stuff. its written by a guy who does drugs and often points to psychadelics as a heavy influence for his work, and its extremely apparent in this one. if you love beautiful artwork and surrealist mind-fucky narratives (like perfect blue or eva) then i cant recommend this enough.

ok i cant let this get too long ummm Animorphs! throwing a curveball but its still horror, just kid's cosmic horror. and war. and its really good, even tho i read it as an adult for the first time i loved it. actually rlly good commentary on the ethics and grey morality during war. Heres where u can download every book, the megamorphs and alternamorphs are required for the plot btw theyre listed in the order u read them in-between the series books.

A good horror/comedy manga is Franken Fran, i INSTANTLY took to it when i picked it up its my style of dark comedy exactly. i really liked black jack for the episodic chapter style, n this is like black jack but with dark comedy body horror and i love it :3

Back to books... I'll list these together, Come Closer by Sara Gran and Confessions by Kanae Misato. I stayed up all night on two separate nights reading these bc they had me hooked so well lol... I wouldnt call them horror, more like thriller/tragedies. come closer has a great writing style, its a rather sad book about a woman being possessed by a demon, really good sparse prose that emphasizes details. Confessions is just... u gotta go right into it, its GREAT. really intriguing style and premise, love the epistolary format, SO good with details.

The Melancholy of Anatomy by Shelley Jackson, short story compilation. i talked abt it best in this post so i'll link it

Bonding by Maggie Siebert is a great short story horror collection as well, the horror feels like aching and emotionally palpable in it, very well done one of my fav horror books ive read so far.

These next two things are about more abstract writing so dont expect completely clear narratives -w- but I read Amygdalatropolis by B.R. Yeager and i SUPER loved it but i might have to reread it a couple of times to get the hang of it. his newer book Negative Space has good reviews so i'll check it out soon but thats more of a grounded narrative, Amygdalatropolis juggles surrealist imagery, forum text, symbolic elements in a truly hypnotic way.

Umm finally i have been really into books of poetry by Sam Pink lately :)! theyre rather short and like some are more story-related but theyre absurdist and really like, good and resonating in a personal way, i really super enjoy it, i read You Hear Ambulance Sounds And Think They Are For You and a bit of Person and i like them a lot :)

[heat--end]

thinking more on it sonic forces and swsh really are just in the exact same category of "very boring game that *works* but just doesn't really do much being seen as offensively bad and used by people to define the series forever and always moving forward"

and i feel the same way about both. time crunch/a desire to keep things "safe" for the first time they were making a game for that generation's platforms probably influenced how the games turned out, and they just kinda... were. they weren't really all that awful, but they just didn't really do much. and yet people will probably hold them as this awful horrible thing for the rest of time instead of just... moving on. they're both very mediocre but that's kind of it, they just don't do anything so its hard for me to get mad about them

perhaps it's because they don't really do much new that people look at them as this offensively bad thing, especially if they were getting sick of the direction things were going/the way the series was going in general. they see it as the peak of that, and they see it as "this is what it's gonna be from now on huh". which like, potentially, but usually is not the case when stuff like this happens lol. even if they don't do a great job at it any time a game like SWSH or forces comes out (very boring, doesn't really do much, seen as going through the motions and is heavily criticized for thus) the next time they do stuff they just do a billion zillion brand new things to try and make up for it. so i don't think it was ever gonna happen with pokemon or sonic, respectively

i dont wanna sound like im saying you cant criticize these things, i just feel people get way too up in arms that im still seeing people bitter about SWSH the same day new games release (same thing happened with frontiers). i do understand the burn it would leave, but at the same time.... eh. iunno lol

[frost-bites-slushies]

x

sometimes i forget that im never allowed to go back, that i cant participate over there anymore as much as id love to. i cant post anything about that anymore and its just my fault. im scared what people are saying about me there, i dont know and its so very scary.

i dont know how i couldve stayed in that fandom after what i did, but i want to, but i also know id only open myself up to reminding them of me after they likely started to move on. i dont want to be that selfish, i hurt people, i affected people, but i still like to just. fantasize over what i would do.

i'd love to have made a little fan character, based on one of my cute little plushies maybe, probably the apprentice to my favorite character in that au. probably shit at cooking just like me too, but they keep em around cuz theyre sweet eheeh

iunno, i can only dream though, as much as i wish i could make it real. i know the people there and i know they know eachother, theres no doubt at least one warned their friends about me. my favorite creator from that fandom blocked me, i still see snippets of their work through reblogs, but. i know they told the other creators in that fandom about me. to look out for me maybe. i dont know why some of those creators havent blocked me yet, but i can count my blessings i suppose, but i wouldnt complain if they did block me, because i deserve it entirely.

i dont know, i just. wish. maybe if i changed my name? maybe if i tried to change everything about myself so i wasnt recognizable? so much about me would be lost, the characters i developed for years before now, the name i got from nice memories with past friends of mine. but i would be free. i would be able to go back, to do what i want to do, to come back smarter and more informed as someone new.

but that would just be lying. and lying got me here. i would lose so much, and would it be worth it? to be able to participate in something i love if i have to limit myself forever? i can never talk how i want, draw how i want, ill have to get rid of my sona and make it unique enough that they couldnt track me down. but if i do reenter that fandom, ill be found out by them as quick as a heartbeat, because i talked with them so often and shared so much of myself.

and they put all that information i trusted them with into making a post about me. they put the art that i gave to them as gifts in the post so people could recognize how i draw, they put the details of how i interact with others and how i use my account online so people could figure me out even if i didnt post art, and im damn sure if i didnt delete it, my discord would be in the post too. if i showed my face, im sure they would have slapped that in there. im surprised they didnt try and detail what my fucking voice sounded like.

because of a stupid dingy little post they made, im restricted from things i love, because even after knowing me for months, they think i didnt feel guilt. that i wanted to hurt them and i did it on purpose. that i didnt learn from what i did to them. they think i was so immature that i didnt know what i did wrong.

do they still think that? do they believe i am really so immature and stupid that i wouldnt learn? i was their best friend. i was so close to all of them. i believed them all to be sweet people, but they made me terrified of coming back to the internet at all. I didnt run away for my own selfishness, i ran so they didnt have to see my face again, but the very person i listened to them fucking shit talk about behind closed doors found my account and outed me.

do you know how much shit i have on them? the things i could say about them? how awful they are in private? i believe only two people of the group are genuinely nice people, and even then they still cut me off, like they had every right to do. but they didnt make me terrified, they didnt yell and scream at me, they didnt call me a "slippery rat" and a manipulative lying bastard. They wanted to believe in me, but they rightfully took the victim side and cut me out. one figured out a bit later that they were wrong for trying to keep contact with me, the other was only dissapointed in me, which hurt significantly more than hateful words.

only two people of the whole group were respectful to me. they treated me like a human that did something awful, and not just a sick, twisted and manipulative monster. one of the group tried to manipulate one of the two people that were willing to keep contact and help me change. this person told my friend to just pretend to be my friend, and ghost me once i got new friends or felt better, to be my fake friend and dissapear once "everything was fine".

another ranted and called me hateful things in a reblog of the stupid post on me. they said i was a rat, that i "got away before they could get to me", assumedly to curse at me in dms like in that reblog. they told me to never come back, that nobody likes me, that i no longer had a place in that fandom.

i was scared, and i still am. but ive said that enough times. I've been scared for a while, and the people that are still beside me know that.

i just wish i could do what i love, but as they said, i dont have a place there anymore.

i think ill come back as someone new.