#its why i usually avoid getting close to ppl

[roboticthing]

.

[whilomm]

okay u kno what one thing i WILL yell at ppl on tumblr about: if ur voting in the u.s. make sure you check if Early Voting is an option for you, and if it is, VOTE EARLY. why:

its so much goddamn faster. the lines are so much shorter. For midterms and stuff I usually vote with zero line, just walk in and walk out, for presidential im expecting a line oc but like. 30-45 min if i go at a busy time as opposed to Four Hours like some of the hell lines ive seen. go early, avoid the line.

it helps the people who ARENT able to vote early (or just dont know its an option), cause it makes the election day lines just a bit shorter

get that shit outta the way instead of being anxious about it up until the day of. i mean. youll still probs be anxious about everything else to do w the election but at least not about "oh god how long will the line be".

Depending on where you are early voting might not be an option at all, or there might be bullshit to make it harder (putting the early voting centers mostly in wealthier/whiter parts of town, removing the college campus ones, weird times/dates, etc.) so im sure its a lot harder for some people than it is for me, but like. if you've never looked into it, at least take a min to check and see if itd be convenient.

where i am, early voting lasts like a week and a half, goes p much all day (with a couple of late days, tho sadly texas shut down the midnight voting they tried to do before)

theres usually fewer early voting centers than day-of centers, but its still generally enough that early voting tends to be super quick and convenient (tho there are sometimes issues with them closing down certain centers, like ugh, limiting the UT centers some years bc ohhh liberal college kids!!!)

and im sure not every place has this, but my county usually also reports current wait times so you can see which ones are gonna be fastest, and they tend to post on twitter if certain centers have no line. your county clerks office might do this too, but might also depend on ya kno. if youre in a big city or nah, how much your county wants to encourage voting, etc.

in austin tx at least, early voting is a breeze. most states allow early voting, though im sure some of them make it more difficult than others. if you're gonna vote, at least check if early is an option for you!

[studying-roxas]

Tbh i find the discrepancy between ppl with food allergies regarding if they consider their allergy a disability so interesting. I think the main difference in opinions really does have to do with how hard an allergen is to avoid.

I have a few food allergies: fish, shellfish, and dairy, with OAS for almonds. Even though the fish and shellfish allergies are the ones that are actually lethal, I don't consider them to be disabling. Its really easy to avoid fish and shellfish, and I have my epipens with me at all times so outside of the anxiety I have over anaphylaxis they really aren't a concern.

The dairy allergy however? 100% it feels like a disability. Sure the full body rash, vomiting, and joint pain I get isn't as scary as my throat closing and blood pressure dropping, but the amount of work I have to do to accommodate the milk allergy is much more extensive than the fish and shellfish allergies.

First, most people don't even realize that you can have a dairy allergy despite it being a top 10 allergen, so when I mention I have a dairy allergy there's a 70% chance the person assumes I mean lactose intolerance and won't take actual precautions around me (dating is a big fear because of this). Then there's all the strange places that dairy shows up. I don't check every ingredient list because of fish, shellfish, or almonds - those are all usually branded pretty clearly.

But milk? Why have I found milk in *marinara sauce?* Why have I found "contains milk" listed on the bags of frozen fruit? Not even "packaged in a facility that packages milk." Just, "contain milk." Where? You're supposed to be a bag of strawberries!

Cleaning things is also harder for the milk. Obviously the fish stuff gets cooked outside on the grill if my family wants fish that night for dinner, but i can't expect them to pay for an extra set of all cutlery, all measuring spoons, all bowls, etc just for a milk free work station. What does this mean? Rinsing everything before I cook with it in case the milk they used cooking splashed on any of the stuff I'm about to use. Sticking to specific bowls for my cereal that the rest of my family knows I use a lot. Wiping the counters before I prepare anything because, much like with the cooking utensils, the milk could have splashed everywhere. Using my own mini blender instead of the family's main blender because those blades are too difficult to clean for me to be 100% sure all the milk products are gone.

Going to hang out with friends? Prepare in advance because I can't expect everyone around me to cook without any milk or dairy - things like butter are staples of most kitchens outside of the vegan and allergy communities. I'm not packing my own food because of the fish allergies, I'll say that much.

Stopping for coffee/tea? I have to ask if the machines have milk in them because if they do then I can't drink anything that comes from them.

At school and forgot to pack food? (happens daily because adhd with an eating disorder is just Like That). I can't just get whatever from the vending machine or the caf, I have to Google each product or ask the people in the back what products are dairy free. Not even the allergen station can guarantee that. Milk allergies aren't commonly accounted for.

Again that's if they believe it's an allergy at all rather than just lactose intolerance.

If I do get something with milk? Sure it's not an er visit but I'll be sick for days. All my health issues when I was 17? when we thought I might have lupus or crohn's? That was my milk allergy wreaking havoc on my system. Causing rashes, joint pain, frequent vomiting, shitting blood. I thought i was dying and no doctors could figure out why until one finally suggested i go for food allergy testing.

And I think that's where the difference lies. People who don't consider their allergies disabilities probably have allergens that are easier to avoid. I don't consider my fish and shellfish allergies disabilities - I don't eat meat anyway. The only lifestyle change i have is having to remember my epipen when I leave the house incase someone around me eats a fish dish and doesn't clean up after themselves on a shared surface (such as the counters at my work's office). My milk allergy? It affects every facet of my life. It will affect any future partners' lives as they will have to give up milk to keep me safe (though they'd also have to give up fish and shellfish, those tend to be slightly easier to avoid than dairy, though obviously this depends on culture, and I know a lot of cultures are heavily fish based which might inconvenience a future partner). It affects even things as simple as skin care stuff because I can break out in a rash just from using lip balm that contains milk. It's a staple of (USAmerican) life to the point that avoiding it is a constant concern.

So yeah. Allergies as disabilities. Interesting topic with a lot of disagreement amongst the food allergy community.

I feel like ending this with a poll. Also, ik that legally food allergies are considered disabilities but that's because of legal protections and such. I'm asking more broadly if you consider your food allergies to be disabilities or something separate.

For the sake of this poll, if you have MCAS or celiac disease, it is up to you to decide if you consider them to be food allergies or non-allergy food restrictions. I do not have mcas or celiac so I don't want to speak for your communities.

[itsjaywalkers]

Hii

What would James’s do to help reg when he’s feeling dysphoric? (Could be boxer or oby- you decide:) )

/dysphoric trans guy in need of fluff

<33

hi angel!! sorry it took me a bit to get back to u, i always wait until i have some time + mental energy to reply to any asks about hcs

oby reg and boxer reg are quite different when it comes to dysphoria and how they deal with it + how much or how little they allow james to help so i'm gonna do both at the same time <333

fluffy-ish hcs coming right up !!

oby reg can be more?? emotional?? about his dysphoria. when he's just mildly annoyed by it, he usually just becomes uncomfy, but when it actually hits he unconsciously seeks comfort from others (as in . ppl he trusts/is very close to). it used to be sirius but now he also has james <3

this mean he quite enjoys cuddles!! not with a lot of skin on skin contact, bc that just kinda . triggers him more?? but he goes for like . big jumpers and comfy sweats and drags james to bed with him!! depending on his mood he prefers to be the big spoon or the small spoon, but the point is that he needs to be very close to james and james is more than happy to glue himself to reg

boxer reg however turns into himself?? he becomes quiet and distant and isn't always okay with physical contact

that's why boxer james resorts to words <3 he makes sure to remind him how handsome he is, how loved, how sexy he finds his facial hair (while trying to convince him to grow a moustache), how good he is at fucking him and how obsessed james is with his cock etc etc

with oby regulus there's also a lot of body worshipping!! not at first, bc like i said, and when his dysphoria is at its worst, reg avoids skin on skin contact as much as he can. but when he feels better about it, james spends hours kissing his naked body, whispering compliments and sweet nothings and paying attention to every single detail

this isn't really sexual at all, and more often than not, it just makes reg tear up in a good way bc he feels so !! incredibly loved and appreciated that he gets overwhelmed (again, in a good way)

in the boxer au, james is more prone to acts of service?? kinda?? he's aware that reg doesn't want to be extra aware of his body so he focuses on . taking care of him in general, distracting him a lil, making sure he's comfortable and relaxed

he draws baths for him whenever he gets home from work, does the chores reg dislikes the most, cooks him his favourite meals, gives him thorough massages when he looks especially stressed or tense

in oby, despite reg being a lot more reliant on physical touch than interviewer reg and actively seeking it out, he also appreciates words of affirmation <3 james leaves him these sweet little notes filled with lovely statements and reminders all over their flat and drowns him in compliments when they're together!! he also sends him texts when he's at work

boxer james isn't as touchy bc interviewer reg doesn't really enjoy it when he's feeling like this HOWEVER there's a lot of like . casual contact?? brief and careful but also firm and intentional. a hand on the small of his back, a gentle squeeze on his hip, a caress on the side of his neck. little ways in which james reminds him that he's there always and he can come to him whenever he feels ready and that he isn't going anywhere

oby james does a lot of research on trans ppl and gender dysphoria and hormones and surgery and transitioning bc his knowledge is limited and he wants to be there for reg in any way he can!! they sit down and talk about it whenever reg is up for it and feeling well enough to speak about his struggles and how it feels and what he needs from james <3 james holds his hand the whole time and squeezes periodically and listens very very attentively, taking lots of mental notes. tells him how proud he is of him and how strong he is <3

boxer james is a lot more experienced in this field bc he's been with trans ppl and knows quite a lot on the topic + he's familiar with reg and how he deals with his issues so they don't talk that much about it but there's a lot of?? silent communication?? james gives reg space when he's aware that that's what he wants while being There at the same time yk?? he doesn't insert himself or interrupt when pandora or evan or both come over when reg is having a especially hard time but he's ready to hold reg when they're gone and he's Focused so he can read him correctly and give him what he needs

oby reg is quite spoiled, and hence all the jokes about james being a sugar daddy, and this also comes into play when his dysphoria gets worse. james has always been big on gifts but when reg isn't feeling okay he goes a bit . overboard . as soon as reg looks at something for a second too long james is getting it for him. it exasperates reg to no end but he also finds it incredibly endearing + he knows it's one of the ways in which james shows his love so it always cheers him up

interviewer reg is more logical and . harsh about his dysphoria, maybe bc he's a bit of a well-known/public figure and he can't always afford to break down or show any weaknesses especially in front of ppl who can and will use them against him. and it can be hard when his job also forces him to deal with a lot more transphobia for . obvious reasons . he tends to repress his struggles a lot which is also why he's more prone to isolating himself and distancing himself

james Knows and Understands this, which i've already mentioned, and he gives him space when he truly needs it BUT he can also be a bit stern when he notices reg is going too far or like . harming himself in the process of protecting himself. he'd never overstep or be cruel or pushy about it, but he's firm in his gentleness and tells it like it is. reg really appreciates this about him, and sometimes he needs the reminder that he can lean on james whenever he needs to

when it comes to sex in oby (and reg has been struggling with dysphoria), james checks up on him a lot while they're at it, and he also makes sure every single time that reg truly wants it + is in the mood. he's also always ready to stop at the first sign of reg being uncomfy or not enjoying himself

he also exclusively uses masc terms for reg's genitals. he's aware that he doesn't really mind, and it's one of those things reg has been confident about for a while, but it helps when reg is feeling bad or wrong about his body. he focuses a lot more on reg's pleasure too, and that's saying a lot, considering he already prioritises it over his own

in the boxer au, there's a lot of topping on reg's side. they don't switch as much as oby jegulus, due to preferences, but when reg is feeling especially dysphoric james bottoms A Lot. and they both enjoy it SO MUCH even if james keeps acting like he prefers topping a lot better bc he's annoying like that

interviewer reg takes full control but james doesn't give it up easily, which reg Loves. james knows he needs that fight and that he needs to win it fairly, so he resists all he can and doesn't go easy on reg At All. he still loses every single time bc reg and his strap always turn him into a begging sobbing mess, and james is obsessed with how rough reg can become

and that's all <3 i hope it was what u wanted, or that u at least liked it <3 sending all my love MWAH

[astroyongie]

Astroyongie Podcast S1 EP2

Notes done by @killuachii<3

Censored Version

i have a question about felix and his new person in your reading you said this person isn't usually what he would go for and now i wonder what kind of person this is 

person has very feminine energy, def a girl, not much information, relationship seems very recent, there was something fishy → forcing himself

is she an idol?

Doesn’t think so, just a friend he had 

Who is Hyunjins crush? Or is that something you will never tell us? 

Kfc

Burger king 

yongie, will you give some tea about ateez member? (Anyone)  

jongho not with gf

seonghwa very laid back rn 

any tea ab txt? 

Yeonjun still with his girl, some issues 

beomgyu in complicated situation, mental problems 

kai: relationship

taehyun: balancing

not much on soobin

Can i ask why seonghwa & wooyoung get bad reputations among others idol? 

Doesn’t remember seonghwa having bad reputation, is just hot tempered 

wooyoung very open which can cause issues due to the culture in Korea

who is yeonjun gf?

Someone from Cencored

Oh! I wanted to ask about your Pendulum! I also have one and I kinda know how to use it, but how do you go about asking about idols partners? Also sometimes I feel more connected and sometimes I just feel nothing... Any tips? 

Can’t share, isn’t comfortable with sharing how she practices. if you want to feel more connected: pendulums have a personality of their own, doesn’t work by itself, spiritual guides and energy will connect and use it to communicate which can sometimes be dangerous, need to practice in a protected circle, set a safe space, always do pendulum in same space, yongie personally doesn’t have a close connection with pendulum bc it is very hard to manage energetically, sometimes pendulum is going its own way 

Is Sunghoon enhypen still with his 'Taurus' gf? Thx 

Yes

Can u give us some clue more about hyunjin's new partner? 

No information, but physical connection, wants to move on from kfc 

What did you mean in your readings with felix needs to be protected from the reality of his life with his idol image? 

One part can not speak on, he is someone who is very easy to influence, a lot of things impact him a lot, he is trying to protect his image → things of his past could have a huge impact 

do u have any tips on how to detach from a person? i find it quite hard to let go of ppl good or bad cause i feel weirdly “attached” :3 

will depend on type of relationship, it is not easy, not something you can do in a month or two, a lot of dedication, process relationship (What is the reason? Why do you want to detach? Etc.)  THERAPY

Why Jungkook, lee know & eunwoo suddenly hang out? I mean lee know with 97 liner 

doesn’t have an answer 

how to deal with disorganized attachment (leaning avoidant)  

therapy, can be very impactful on relationship with others, problem with connection

what CAN it mean when someone like is extremely affectionate and then avoidant, is it confusion? or insecurity what things could it be? 

Ambivalent attachment

Did you learn about numerology or matrix destiny too? 

Yongie’s not a maths person 

is it possible to read someone's energy through a screen? 

Yes, most goes from eyes, if they can see them it’s easier to read someone 

Yongie, can i heal my phobia? I have thalassaphobia (scared of ocean) even when i only saw that on the screen i feel terrified. And based on my parents i never went to the sea before, so is it possible that the phobia come from my past life? 

Fear and phobia have different meanings, phobia → impact well-being, should go to therapy, past lifes: phobia comes from something, if there is nothing in your surrounding that could explain your fear (like a person being scared of that exact thing) or it can be transgenerational. if not, then it could be connected to past life 

How do you interact with angels or start deities with them? 

Two of them very different, they start the interaction, angels: interaction are kind of limited, prayers to them every night and set candles in their honor. deity: praising and giving offerings, self love, energy as offering, offerings and not ask for something in return, deities aren’t there to serve they need to be served, lighting candles to communicate

what is your opinion on if a christian prays to someone else than god? do you think it's a bad thing? 

Depends on the person’s beliefs, personally doesn’t think it’s a problem, should stay in the christian pantheon 

how does connecting with passed ones work? i have heard of it before can u share a bit about purpose and how it works? 

Yongie doesn’t contact dead people, but a lot of cultures do, contacting them directly → you’ll never know if it is really that person, if you ant to praise/honour them → altars and such 

I meditate every day before sleeping. During deep meditation, I sometimes hear strange sounds like eerie laughter, whispers in languages I don't understand, or tinkling sounds like a cold bowl. Sometimes, I find it difficult to differentiate whether these are sounds from my imagination or actual messages or sounds from astral beings. What do you think? 

Shouldn’t meditate before sleeping since you are in a vulnerable state while sleeping

whats your opinion on haunted dolls? 

Doesn’t really believe it, one of her phobias, haunted object could be charms or could be objects that trapped energy of the previous owner

Could someone reincarnates as an animal? Or only and always human? 

Yes, they can, an animal can also be reincarnated as a human, has done a reading where someone’s cat was their great grandma 

i have heard of something called egg belief??? they believe that bad ppl will be reincarnated as the victim of the actions they did to other ppl but i personally dont believe it because it would like mean that victims are at fault if something happens to them 

tricky, karmic chains could be connected 

Do dreams tell us something we need to do or is it feelings we already have?

no, dreams are made up from your mind and tries to process something. they do have meanings but its the inner domain

what are like consequences ? when for example youtubers make content with ouija boards 

most things are made up/don’t do it seriously

what is a spiritual awakening, how does it happen? 

When someone starts being more in tune with spirituality, could be due to almost death experience or traumatic experience

what happens to us after we pass (after ur beliefs) im curious 

when we die our souls leave our body to get into the veil which is the bridge between the spiritual and the physical world. Then we go to the spiritual realm for a while eventually reincarnation

But how to break the karmic chains yongie? 

Difficult to answer, depend on what karmic chains you have 

i feel u once addressed this on ur blog but can it happen energies dont immediately reach the veil what happens exactly? 

They do because they have to, since they can't be on the physical world

Yongie, can cannabis, meth, and other psychedelic plants use trigger to awakening/ enlightenment 

personally doesn’t think it triggers it

can energies after they pass and leaves physical body, cant they stay as a spirit on earth or something like that? 

Hopes they just go to the realm, bc people who are stuck needs to relive death constantly which isnt fun

if yongie had to pick 3 idols to smoke with

jaehyun, wooyoung, chanyeol (to see how he acts) or woodz („maybe if he is high he would want me“)

so if a dead person appears in my dream it means something? 

Yes 

yongie how do i manifest a toji fushiguro build man 

camp outside a gym (and get Sukuna's number for me)

is hyunjin dating anyone from ateez/sunwoo?

nope

[anzynai]

Hello, love your writing! For the tickle letter ask game, mind if I ask for E, H, I, L, Q, and W with Azul? Sorry if that's too many letters!

AHHHH YESSSS I WAS WAITING FOR AN AZUL ONEE thank u so much for sending this <33 hope u like them!

E: Expression | How do they express their wish to tickle/be tickled?

tbh, he wouldn’t necessarily wish to tickle people often, but when he does, he would like,, hesitantly poke them a couple sides to gauge their reaction and get more confident if it’s a positive reaction! it gets really obvious around the third or fourth poke, though LOLL

on the other hand, he would express his wish to be tickled kinda like, idk how to describe it, but kinda provocative? but more in a way to distract himself, like he would give jade and floyd more chores or give them a sudden rest day whatever and ofc theyd know bc it was unusual for azul to be like this. plus, i feel like he would flinch more often when someones close to him (which is adorable!!) so yeah.

H: Habits | As a lee/ler or both, do they have specific habits when it comes to tickling?

i think, not on purpose, but when he’s tickled, sometimes ink comes from his eyes. people get w bit concerned if they arent a mer LOLL but its jusy something that happens (also i love azul ink HELPP this is tbe most random thing ever im sorry) also, he squeezes his eyes super tightly.

as a ler, i think it wpuld be silly if he would accidentally try to use his extra limbs (that he doesn’t have) to tickle you more but then he would falter, which could potentially give u the upperhand if you’re quick enough

I: Interrogation | How well would they handle a tickle interrogation?

GAHHHH i give him three minutes. tops. well, to crack at least. once someone finds a spot that drives him crazy enough, he will start laughing and will not stop. but tellinf u want u want to know.. well, you’ll have to work for it. (just start tickling his death spots and eventually he’ll tell you anything)

L: Laughter | What does their laughter sound like when they are tickled?

ITS REALLY DEEP AND LIKE,,, calculated(?? its him trying not to embarrass himself with his “real” laugh) but thwn it gets squeaky and snorts all around. its usually surprises ppl bc it just seems.. so.. out of character, which is why he’s so embarrassed by it. its super cute though.

Q: Question | Their response to the question ‘are you ticklish’?

his response wpuld be so funny. first, he would look at you, whipping his head around. a blush would appear on his face, but he wpuld try to cover it. afterall, flustered wouldn’t do well for his image. clears his throat out of nervous. “tick—ticklish? of course not! what a strange thing to ask!” then, desperately trying to change the subject (it doesn’t work about half the time).

W: Word | What is their reaction to the t-word? Can they say it out loud or do they get embarrassed?

by the word in general, he’s not. though, he wouldn’t just throw it around but he can say it fine. (unless on the occasion, he’s feeling.. some type of way?) HOWEVER, if it’s regarding his own sensitivity, now that’s a different story. he will say it if he absolutely has to, but not without a bit of a stutter or blush, so yeah, he avoids it at all costs haha

[idealspawn]

throughout my journey on growing as a person somehow the only thing i still havent managed to resolve or find the deepest true cause for is my insecurity regarding my intelligence. every single evidence from outside authorities is screaming in praise and approval of my level of knowledge yet i am filled with such anxiety. i dont know how to not let my high standards lower my self-confidence. i think its good that i do have high standards too in a way but not the anxious perfectionism that comes with it. ive thought maybe im unsure about my competence because i feel like i dont belong. in university since ive had an unconventional route, i sort of lack like a group of coursemates (ive changed universities and now im in like an exchange programme so i havent had and dont have the same curriculum as anyone). so i dont know what i should know and what i shouldnt. like what prior knowledge others have. i dont know where i place in the context. i dont know what is stupid to bring up and what isnt. google also told me that maybe its like the dunning-kruger effect where the more you know the more you become painfully aware of how little you know. i guess thats true. i also in general am like programmed to seek for irregularities (i study philosophy and have a background of doing a lot of things requiring close analysis and pattern recognition) so maybe thats why i only see whats wrong in my work or opinions even if that actually forms a small portion regarding the whole. usually my professors dont even pick up on those things i think are massive logical fallacies and am afraid will fail. i literally only get praise and they are so so so credible too, its not that i get approval from people who dont know any better. i dont know. i have all these explanations in my head but not one of those hits the nail on the head. ive gathered that what relieves my anxiety regarding.. well anything.. is just acknowledgeing it. like cracking the code as to whats the underlying deeper cause that projects itself in this belief, insecurity. but i cant seem to ever get it. i wonder is this too small of a problem to go to a psychologist. right now its not too bad but i actually get like weird intense uncontrollable nervous anxiety twitches and breakdowns from the pure thought of how little i know and what others think of me. im most afraid that they think that i think im smart when in reality im so painfully aware that im speaking on matters i feel i dont have proper knowledge of (yet i must because its an assignment). though i think its pretty apparent that im insecure, at least during presentations or speaking in seminars because of the way i speak (hesitantly). i know that to wait until i truly know sth before i speak is a lost cause. you cant ever fully know anything. and its like. so what if im wrong. nothing happens if im wrong but im so terrified of it. i guess ive tied my intelligence to my identity quite a bit but i dont know if that is it either. i guess you could say i should care less abt what other ppl think but in other areas im so confident and sure of myself i dont know why this is manifest only here. i know im actually quite capable at least compared to some people and there are periods where i do get my feedback on an essay or task and i feel really sure of myself but its a very very small slice of the time. i know comparison isnt proper but its also so necessary and inevitable in my field of study, i cant seem to avoid it. ive genuinely resorted to paying a lot of attention to my looks and makeup that makes me look cute and kind in order to hopefully cause the halo effect that when im silent or say something stupid i get the benefit of the doubt.......... its stupid. but im that afraid :/ of coming across narrow-minded.

[daz4i]

ok spoilers for chapter 88 and onwards ahead for the 2 followers i have who avoid bsd manga spoilers!!!!!!!

stop reading here I'm warning you

ok so. I've seen ppl discuss whether or not akutagawa will survive post vampire apocalypse thing. and i wanna offer my 2 cents

while i do agree with the people saying his death scene was kinda perfect and super satisfying, i think that's only true when you look at it in a vacuum rather than in the context of the whole story, and mainly his 6 months deal with atsushi. and this is why i think there's no way he will perma die before this showdown happens, or at least when we get close to it in the timeline (which I'm p sure we aren't, it's been maybe 2 months at most since they made that deal i think, and that's me being generous with my calculations)

giving that exact time frame of 6 months is too specific to not have a proper payoff. akutagawa can't die yet (like. if it was some vague promise to last as long as it takes for atsushi to become stronger or smth, this would've worked. but the number has to be important. otherwise it wouldn't have been so explicitly stated and iirc even repeated later on)

so this is established. now I'm gonna get into fanfic territory bc this is what I'm thinking about instead of sleeping

i think being unvampirized - either by bram or dazai or however this'll go down - won't just make him his normal, alive self. tho, this last chapter confirmed the vampires can self heal, so maybe this is how it'll go, but i want the angst of it not counting bc it's also part of the ability or w/e, so if the ability cancels out then so will all of its effects. bc i said so. and this is the only way my idea can work.

so anyway now we've got this more corpse-like than usual akutagawa on hand. and atsushi is freaking out. i wanna say everyone has grouped back up together, ada and mafia even maybe, so they all see him freaking out, too.

some of them are confused - weren't you two enemies? yes, you worked well together, but was your bond really that deep...? - is what they think. some of them get it, tho.

in his panic, atsushi locates yosano, practically begging her to heal akutagawa, he's not dead yet, but he's very close to that, and she can help

there's this moral dilemma for the ada, remembering how some of them were directly hurt and injured by akutagawa, and how the mafia is still very much their enemy, and yosano is also having these thoughts. fukuzawa is still missing and can't deliver the final decision on the matter

but atsushi seems so distressed, over this man who tried to kill him so many times. he is mumbling about how akutagawa hasn't killed in awhile, how he tried his best not to hurt anyone, how he's atsushi's partner now.

if atsushi wants him to live, how can the ada say no? and so, yosano uses her ability to save him. the first thing he sees once he's fully conscious, is atsushi's face above his, tears in his eyes

and. this is all i have for you. they reunite - properly - and it's very sappy. love wins.

[violentviolette]

Jack I have a question. Is this healthy or no?

So i am a very conflict avoidant person, but also an emotional bitch about everything all the time. I have over time learned to separate my emotions from logic though, and give space to both of them. The way I do this is that if someone upsets me but it’s not a genuine issue that needs communication on, I will tell them they’re okay/i’m okay, and then will vent the emotions elsewhere where they can’t see.

What I tell them is not a lie. I usually am not actually angry or whatever, but I have to give voice to my irrational emotions somewhere or it sticks in the back of my throat for the rest of the day/night/week/month (that’s not an exaggeration)

I only ask because people don’t seem to like or understand it so i don’t know. Am I insane? Am I being toxic? Or am I just being complicated™️? I dont know anymore.

My gf recently broke up with me over it so (someone sent her screenshots of my vents) :/

oh that sucks, im sorry someone did that because that is genuinely a normal and healthy thing like, we are going to sometimes think negative things about the people we love and care about. thats SUCH a normal human thing. ppl are going to get on our nerves or do things that bug us or any number of things and it is very much perfectly healthy to recognize when those feelings are either irrational or dissproportionate to the situation or just unhelpful or even mean and unfair, and instead of bringing any of that to the other person or putting that on them, to deal with those feelings privately away from them and then move on. like that is so incredibly normal and healthy a lot of people dont like that because a lot of people have issues with boundaries and control, and think that dating or being close friends with someone means ur entitled to their every thought and that anything u dont share with them is lying or hiding things from them. this is very unhealthy and can lead to lots of different kinds of abusive and negative behavior. we are all entitled to privacy, even from the people closest to us it sucks that someone showed her what should have been private conversations and its a p big breech of trust and boundaries on the part of that person. i'd be pissed af honestly. and it's understandable that ur gf was hurt by them, but since thats exactly the reason u didnt express any of that to her, it sucks that she saw them despite ur best efforts just to be very fair i will say that it's also understandable on her end that seeing them made her change her feelings and decide to break up, depending on the exact content of the vents it might have been hard to know u ever think of her that way or upsetting to know u speak about her that way to others. not saying the things u were saying were fucked up but ive known ppl who will vent about their partners with zero consideration for them as people and say things like "fuck that stupid bitch i hope she dies" or "she's just being a dumb whore" or other like deeply desparaging statements that go beyond expressing ur feelings and into value judgement of the other person and its understandable why someone would then immediately breakup with someone who speaks about them like that, even if its not to their face. so i feel like its an important contextual footnote that depending on the content of the vents it might make the situation less u healthily expressing ur feelings elsewhere and more its just not acceptable or okay to speak about a partner this way ever, even if its not to their face but again im not accusing u of that and am giving u the good faith benifit of the doubt that u were just having normal vents, which is not only absolutely a healthy thing, but is very much needed in relationships. u and ur partner should both of have spaces and circles outside of one another where u can speak and vent freely about eachother and get support and reassurance from other people without the involvment of ur partner at all. u both have a right to privacy from one another and u dont have to tell eachother ur every thought and ur allowed to have private feelings that u dont share with ur partner, even if those feelings are negative. those are basic and core parts of a healthy relationship so ur not just being toxic or insane.

[angy-grrr]

oh yeah! their relationship made sense and at least didnt have the weird stuff sns had to endure -yk, the killing most of the time. No idea about eremin but satosugu? Oh that doomed love was real and idc what anyone says, the tragedy its too good.

Bkdk is strange to know, bc a lot of ppl who are vocal about their opinions about them are really against it, but there are also random ppl who see it and assume they are endgame/already a couple or are starting to "accept" the author wants that for them (in "" bc horikoshi hasn't confirmed nor denied anything). The fact no girl is "assigned" to bkg its too funny -yeah he isnt swinging that way, he prefers to obsess over All Might or his childhood friend and thats it.

More ranting incoming! This is now a ranting chain! + some meta ideas????

It would be sooo bad for them both to just get married and have a child -any possibility of them being a cute couple in canon, with a satisfying ending, has vanished. Once again ill say it, if he developed them more, this kind of ending would be tiring and cliche, but at least make some sense, make some ppl happy or dont mind it. Now?? So many chances to make it more romantic, even if bad written, so many chances to say fuck off with the bkdk... I'll never get over Izuku's rejection of Toga's love. Ne-ver.

Himiko whose feelings are closer to Ochako's towards Izuku and serve as a way to connect them together, is rejected. Ochako who sees this, who admits she understands her love and agrees in different aspects, doesn't even think about telling Izuku anything -her confession is for Himiko, not him. The "big" reveal of her feelings is interrupted, because this isn't his place to be, this isn't his fight not issue. Izuku, who rejects Himiko explaining how he gets admiring someone and wanting to be close to them, but that's not what romantic love is about bc that's what he feels for All Might. All Might. Fucking All Might.

No mention of Katsuki "Kacchan" Bakugou, even when Midoriya admits he admires him, has since their childhood, and also feels like he was this amazing person closer to him than All Might? When he thinks, but doesn't say, he imitates him without even thinking, and can't hate those nasty parts of himself because that's what made Kacchan Kacchan? No mention of him when saying "yes you can admire someone and feel good being around them and imitating them, but that isn't romantic love"? But what we get is "for all of his triumphs, he is still a damn nerd"?

Literally what was the reason. How can you do that accidentally? It was easy to mention him too, it would:

Provide more "evidence" for his argument

Shut down bkdk

Establish their friendship more and state how he usually admires ppl in a platonic way, which could then be used to explain how he loves Ochako without having that kind of situation of imitating her in particular.

It was literally so easy to do this, just adding "and also I feel this way towards Kacchan!" without needing to give more context as he usually tends to do that leaving others confused.

This addition could also add a little gag scene, maybe with Himiko being all confused about who tf Kacchan is, or Ochako thinking "okay Deku-kun no need to drag her more".

But no, the decision of not shutting bkdk down was made, along with no giving Ochako and Izuku more intimacy when it was easy. This is just- not "idk how to write a good romance so I'll just avoid it until I have no choice", the "there's no choice but adding romance in this moment" scenes have been happening and still there's nothing like that! WHY?

The last time something slightly romantic happened was with the gifts they received and Izuku blushing and Ochako receiving the keychain, and still... for him it was more of a gag scene, probably bc "omg I have never received a gift from someone else and its from a GIRL who is MY FRIEND?", and for her it gave her a symbol that connects her to Himiko later on thru their feelings for Deku.

Look, im going to make a silly and cute izuocha scene prompt I just thought about and would be easy to add in any moment: Izuku is there, in a war, and a thing that makes him feel calmer is remembering the mochis he received, and how much he wishes to eat some more with her in particular and the rest of the class. Cute, simple, bittersweet, adorable. Another variation, asking Ochako if they'll eat mochis when the war ends (during their talk before the second war. "We'll stop them. After we do that, would you go and eat mochis with me?" or something similar), or instead of saying a boyfriend is someone you go to amusement parks n eat crepes with, say eat mochis. This super silly and simple concept would add much depth to them in an easy way:

It shows how important and precious her gift and presence is to him

It connects their feelings, as they both received from the other the gifts, making it almost "destiny" in a fun way to end up together.

Its cute

It doesn't need to much time nor too much thought behind it, even if you dont know how to write romance is easy to see how this could connect them both.

It sets up a future date we dont even need to see -another positive point when you dont really know how to show romantic love with these characters, when it's implied we just assume they'll go in that date.

The readers could assume the depth of Izuku's feelings matches Ochako's.

The most possible izuocha canon route I have seen is the importance of the meaning she gave to the nickname, but I dont really see this as enough -in the manga, that line is also related to a darker theme from Katsuki's point of view, and its how "because he has to do his best", that means isolating himself and fighting alone. And now that I think about it, even with the class and more ppl cheering for him, he is still "fighting alone". In that final page, he is the one who gets to AFO and punches him, and everyone else is helping with a supporting role to make things easier -which is great and needed! But in the end, he is the only one that can do it apparently, and he easily feels comfort in that to prove to everyone how worthy he is of that power/gift/curse.

Katsuki having OFA for a little in the past, seeing a vestige, and starting the you can do it/good luck chain in a different page chapters ago... Well. Im just thinking.

i have an issue I see with ppl trying to make shippers "understand" their ship could not become canon, and I dont think many would expect it.

Why are we pretending being in your late 30s is being middle age? Dont get me wrong, being a middle aged person doesn't have to mean anything about someone, but its just- not middle age literally.

I dont really understand bringing that up anyways, iit feels wrong to me to believe just ppl in their teens and 20s could ever do anything pro LGBT+ in general... I find it insulting, as if this is a new thing or impossible to believe older people could believe in queerness in a positive light or be queer themselves. The main reason in the west, and im assuming other parts of the world, there arent as many or as visible is, well, because people were dying because of the AIDS crisis + the isolation from being older and every single public space made for or just young queers or cishet older adults.

I get the point, but if I remember correctly every time I see someone trying to do that (of course im believing they have the best intentions in mind), they have to bring up how this is a Japanese middle aged man as a good enough reason.

I don't really mind about what others want to believe or how much they care in terms of shipping -if you prefer to be casual and not paying that much attention to what's canon or not, good for you! Many ppl are also like that and its completely valid, here in this side of Tumblr might seem like all of us believe and theorize about their endgame potential bc we are the ones that usually make more posts or longer content. But I dont like those assumptions about queerness being tied to young westerners, and I wanted to rant a little bit.

Again, I dont believe that was the intention in any of those posts, and im not trying to call out anyone, just rant.

[wreckitremy]

As much as I usually agree with the point of the posts that have a certain kind of phrase in it, I'm getting tired of these phrases in general and I've finally pinpointed why.

These phrases are usually something like "irl communities don't care about your discourse" or "only people who've never interacted with the community in real life, would be so concerned about this"

These are usually said in response to exclusionists, as a flippant dismissal of their hatred. Now flippant dismissal has its place, but not in the essays these phrases are in. It's usually mixed in with explanations of history of the community, and personal anecdotes about time spent in irl communities.

Up until last month, I hadn't really gone to any places for the community. There isn't much in Kansas. So I didn't feel I had the right to speak up about this phrase. But then we had our first state pride event last month.

Now, I was prepared for it to be underwhelming bc I was already somewhat aware of how pride seems to be romanticized (as social events usually are) and, as previously mentioned, it's Kansas. But that didn't mean some things didn't sting. And they have me thinking on these phrases that keep cropping up.

These phrases, while said by people against exclusionists, imply a lot of things, that don't necessarily help.

They imply that irl communities are inherently better

Irl communities are going to be varied. Just bc irl communities in L.A. are really great, doesn't mean that the ones in rural red states are going to be great. And even the best ones, are going to be white skinny cis gay centered.

I don't think we had more than 100 people show up to our pride event, most of them only showed up half way through, and I got misgendered 4 times. I didn't even bring out the super difficult pronouns, just they/them.

They imply that only interacting with the community online is inherently toxic

A lot of people still believe that trolls don't act that way in real life, despite studies showing that they do act that way offline. They just do it behind closed doors, or to people in customer service.

Not to mention, online communities are the only way a lot of ppl have to interact with the community, be it bc of rural problems, disability, or safety reasons.

If it weren't for online communities, I would have probably never even heard of any of my identities. I didn't fall for exclusionist rhetoric, bc my identities are their targets.

Those who aren't a target, avoid falling for it bc they haven't been exposed to it, or they personally know someone who is a target, not bc they've been to a bar has a pride flag hanging somewhere on the premises.

They imply that not caring is the same as acceptance

Our community has a real problem with acting like coming out is a big one time event where you either get kicked out/beaten up, or you get glowing acceptance out the wazoo.

But the reality is that you have to decide to "come out" every time you interact with anyone, and a lot of that is just quiet indifference or the silent treatment. Getting treated like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, just for not hiding your queerness, isn't acceptance.

I call this being in the glass closet, bc I never hide any of my queerness, but the assumptions that come from non queer people, are still the ones associated with being in the closet.

Now a lot of the reason non queer people never treat me with obvious queerphobia, is bc my identities aren't one of the basic ones that even non queer people have heard of. My oldest one is my ace identity, which brings me to my final point.

It mirrors exclusionist rhetoric

Now if you"re thinking that 'too many people are crying terf/exclusionist rhetoric these days' you've already swallowed more of it than I'm willing to get into today.

One of the most popular phrases that exclusionists still throw at aces, is "nobody cares what you do in the bedroom"

It was said to shut aces up, bc by pretending that aces aren't oppressed, they could justify not making space for them in the community. And if any aces tried to call this out, it was met with something like "oh I don't hate you, I just don't care".

These phrases get plastered onto ace PSAs, trying to keep aces from speaking up, making space for themselves in the community, and educating others on what support the ace community needs. And then these people have the audacity to say they are neutral on ace discourse, bc they don't hate ace people, they just think they aren't a real identity.

They apply this across the board to any identity they feel is unworthy to be considered part of the club.

So when I see claims that irl communities don't care about the infighting, all I see is that they will choose neutrality and side with the oppressor.

Not caring enough to hate, is not acceptance.

[transpat]

Hey! I reaaaally enjoy reading ur thoughts, esp on Pran) Why do you think he don't initiate kisses/hugs/ touch? It's always after Pat asks him for reward or kiss or hand-holding or hug, then he'll do it after complaining ofc =D The only time we see him do it on his own is in "the morning after" scenes. It's like being around Pat is enough for him and he doesn't care about physical touch that much. I hope my q make sense =D Would love to hear ur thoughts <3

hiii!! it makes me so happy to hear that someone enjoys reading my rants ilyyy 💕💕

about pran not initiating touch a lot. i think its just his personality? his upbringing was such that he was raised to hate pat so obv touching him would be out of question. but pran's a bit of neat freak (also a result of upbringing clearly) and i think he just avoids touching ppl as much as possible. he's also a single child who had no friends so he probably didn't have anyone to wrestle as a kid so touching ppl must be strange. he doesn't initiate skin contact w his friends often either, and it's only when someone's really really close to him (wai & pat) that he'll sling an arm around their shoulders.

avoiding touch in general is one thing, but pran was also in love w pat thru most of his teenage years. and it was what he thought was unrequited, ill-fated love, so touching pat for him was out of question. he must have wanted to, bc one, he never shies away from skinship w pat no matter where their hands fly...and two, he does use their rivalry as an excuse to touch pat often. less than pat does but he isn't innocent either. (it's usually rising up to pat's bait like the tickling and wrestling and flicking the other's chin and all, but there's also how he held on too long to pat during the rugby match.) pran likely was v conscious about any skin contact w pat, so avoiding it must be a trained reflex he's had to unlearn once they get into a relationship. and like i said, he does want to touch pat. so in moments where it seems more than natural to, or when he's certain pat wouldn't mind he does do it. (again. the tickling. uh. the rooftop kiss. like u said, the morning after moment.)

anyway i think pran's just shy of initiating any contact. he doesn't do that a lot, its his first relationship, and its pat. he overthinks a lot and probably overthinks the fuck out of just handholding. so pat takes the first step and shows pran what all he likes and what he's okay w, he gives pran a platform to grow accustomed to and comfortable w skinship. we see him hesitate less and less as the show goes on, and yeah he's actively avoided touching pat for a long time so it doesn't occur to him a lot, but when he does want to, he touches him.

also like pran's touch-evasive, and pat's the complete opposite. he's comfortable in proximity w ppl and he likes clinging onto the ppl he loves. like pran's touch aversion probably wouldn't even be noticeable if his partner was somewhere in btw, but it really stands out bc they're polar opposites. pat's touchy w everyone, just more w pran. and he knows that pran's like that w everyone else, he's grown up observing pran, so pran initiating any display of affections means a lot to him. he knows how many braincells pran must have exhausted to simply hold his hand. and pran does more than that for him.

[thalassic-p4rk]

I Have Time || 10th Doctor x reader (oneshot)

A/N: howdy! this is my first fic ever, so its gonna suck ass but that’s probably okay. Originally this was going to be about Rises the Moon by Lianna Flores, but i figured this was more fitting :) pls leave comments if you want more stuff from me, or just things i can improve in general. maybe if ppl like this, i’ll write another one. but for now, allons-y!!

Summary: Ten handles the death of the Master about as well as you’d think, and falls into a depression. One night, the reader comforts him after a nightmare about the past that recent events have brought up.

Warnings: depression, anxiety attack, nightmares, insomnia, accidental s/h

W/C: 1,147

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The Master was dead.

You were sad, yes. But you had only known him as a maniacal tyrant, as the man who killed your people by the millions. And although you had barely survived, trying to get by post-apocalypse, you were the only one to remember. All the dead had been brought back, the planet reborn and memories wiped from everyone’s minds except you and a select few. From your perspective, you considered everything to be even now. You could shatter into a million tiny pieces with ease, but nonetheless you were always quick to pull yourself back together and move on, so that’s exactly what you did.

So it was ironic, but not surprising, that the ever-stable Doctor was having trouble with that.

It broke your heart seeing him like this. Your Doctor, always such a strong, unmovable support, who always had a smile on his face despite the unending grief that seemed to have taken up a permanent residence in his warm gaze, was completely and utterly broken. Sometimes, when he was asleep, you would step out of the Tardis, wherever you were parked, and scream. You screamed, yelling profanities at the sky. You cursed the universe, unable to comprehend why it was putting him through this. Your Doctor, your beautiful, wonderful, kind, lovely Doctor, did not deserve this. He did not deserve any of this. You were angry at everyone and everything, because he didn’t have the strength to be.

It was one such night. He hadn’t left his room in the Tardis all day, and you were angry again. You couldn’t let him see you break down. Not when everyone always depended on him constantly. Not after he had already helped you through so many panic attacks and depressive episodes. He always took care of you and everyone else in this blasted universe, whether they deserved it or not. Now it was your turn to take care of him. If he saw you like this, he would only feel more guilty. You just... felt so helpless. You would give anything to help him. Anything to make him feel better. If you could take the weight off his shoulders and carry it yourself, you would do it in a heartbeat. You let out another sob. You hated feeling useless, hated that he had to go through this, hated that there wasn’t anything else you could do to help him. You take a deep breath, and let it out as a shaky sigh. It was probably around two in the morning, and you should go back inside. Your silk pj’s did nothing to ward off the chill.

As soon as you close the door behind you, you notice something is wrong. You scan the room, immediately alert, but you can’t pinpoint anything in particular. It just feels off somehow. You hum in interest, before deciding that you’re too tired to care. You take slow steps down the corridor to your room, paying rapt attention to any subtle movements or noises. 

Nothing.

You huff and open your door, taking a step through the threshold. You freeze.

Was that a whimper?

You halt all movements and hold your breath. A low whine reaches your ears, coming from across the hall.

Coming from the Doctor’s room.

You turn on your heel and take off sprinting for the door at the end of the hall. You don’t bother knocking, your panic and sleep-addled brain running on pure adrenaline. You open the door and let your eyes adjust to the dark. 

A part of you dies at the sight in front of you. 

His eyes are squeezed shut, nose scrunched up in a way you would usually find adorable, but now it just made him look more pitiful. He’s whimpering and writhing on the bed, tangling himself in the sheets and trapping himself further. You jump into action, running over and sitting on the foot of his bed, before noticing the fresh scratch marks running down his arms. Did he do that to himself? 

Studying him carefully, you notice tear tracks running down his face and his teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip. He goes to tear at his arms again, and you brace yourself, knowing this was going to be a struggle. You grab his wrists in both hands and pull them above his head. He continues his thrashing, and while you hate to make him panic further, you know it’s necessary what you were about to do. You push yourself up on your knees, still pinning his hands above his head, and swing your leg across his waist, straddling his torso. You carefully avoid sitting on top of him fully and cutting off his air flow, instead merely hovering above him, as you scan him for any other injuries. Besides a bloody lip, he seems to be otherwise alright physically. 

He’s still thrashing against you, but now you have the advantage and move both his wrists into one of your hands. You use your newly freed hand to gently touch his cheek, wondering for the second time that night why he had to go through this. You make shushing noises, trying to calm him. When that doesn’t work, you maneuver next to him, and wrap your arms around him as gently as possible, trying to convey a sense of safety. He slows his thrashing somewhat, seeming resigned.

An idea pops into your mind, and you think of a song from Earth that you sang to yourself when you were frightened as a child. You let go of his arms as he calms down a bit and bring your hand up to his hair, running your fingers through it soothingly. You take a breath, lean into his ear, and start quietly singing.

The lake sort of knows me.

You can feel the instant he wakes and becomes aware of his surroundings. His entire body goes lax in your grip as his honey-colored eyes flutter open.

Was it you who promised time?

He looks at you, warm eyes so full of grief and he lets out a shuddering breath as the fear leaves him.

Lead me to a land so green,

His mouth opens to say something, but nothing comes out and you just hold him tighter.

So she’ll stay awhile.

You kiss his forehead, drawing constellations on his cheeks, his nose, his lips, with your fingers.

Please take me there, I am ready.

He curls up into your chest as you continue to pet his soft, mussed up hair. 

The ship sways, 

You rock him gently back and forth, back and forth, to where the melodies of the song would end and begin if you were playing guitar.

but the heart is steady.

His breathing evens out as he slips back into sleep, this time more peaceful, listening to your single heart beating.

I have time.

-fin-

[lunaekalenda]

Heya An 💕🥺 I hope when you see this you are doing good!! First of all congrats and I checked out your event (which is so creative btw and I love it) and here is my request! (I hope it’s not complicated omg-)

💖, ❓, can it be in the aot world? Like she joined the survey crops and she is really skilled, smart and really tough and that caught Levi’s attention and he has a crush on her :,). After a mission battle she almost risked her life but Levi saved her. It got her by surprise and she tells levi why did u save me out of all ppl and Levi decided to confess his feelings first time to the person he loves and he gets all nervous and shy. (Like he just says randomly “will you be my girl?”) and hes all blushed up. And the girl is all surprised but accepts it and she brags abt it to all her friends that Levi is her man and he lowkey is rlly happy abt that 🥺 (fluff scenes of him holding her hand and all that to FINALLY show off he has a girl and he’s so cute and happy abt it 😭). Thank you and have a great day ✨

ofc!! i hope you like it <3 and thanks for participating! <3

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

romance + strangers + canonverse feat. Levi Ackerman

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

“Nice one!” Hange says approaching you. You land on the floor and smile to them. They look to the tall tree you just escalated in a very short time. 

“I wanted to try a trick that Rico taught me.” you say. Hange nods, excited.

“The one with the little tumble to turn faster and begin the descent with propulsion?” you nod.

“Yes! It’s pretty useful.” you say. You’ve been friends with Hange for a while now, but you spend most of the time with the cadets of your promotion, specially with Eren.

You have just joined the corps this promotion, training with Eren, that’s what made you two so close. You’re also friend of Mikasa and Armin. 

“Hange.” Levi calls them. He’s walking towards you two, loosening his shirt collar with a bony hand. “Erwin is calling us.” He looks at you, as if he had just noticed in your presence. He knows you, he recognizes your face though you two never talked. You made the salute to Levi, after all, he’s your superior. He nods quietly. 

He of course knows you. You’re that one that uses the ODMS as if you were executing a ice skating routine, so graceful and pretty. Hange waves a hand towards you. Levi walks fast in front of them. 

“You’re too obvious.” they say. Levi grumps.

“Shut up.”

Erwin called them to let them know there’s a mission the next day. One of the squads that went for a recognition a week ago has not arrived yet, and they want to search them. And to know if all of them are alive. Hange says they can call their squad, where you are listed. Levi nods, knowing he has to call his new Special OPs Squad. You talk to Eren to ask him if his squad also goes on the mission when Hange tells you you have to be prepared to fight tomorrow. Eren nods.

“Yes. Captain Levi told us earlier. So, I guess we have to go for that...” he says. You nod and say bye to him after you two end having dinner. You enter your bed and prepare yourself for sleeping, trying to recover energy for tomorrow’s mission. 

It is too early in the morning to be talking about titans, but Erwin is giving his discourse before you all leave. You listen to him, trying to avoid unintentional yawns. Once he has assigned every squad to each part of the army, you start to walk. Casually, Eren’s squad is next to yours, on your left. He smiles at you. Behind him, Levi Ackerman looks as awesome as usual, up in his black horse. 

The way is silent in your group and kinda uncomfortable. Some soldiers are crying and some others are screaming that they want to go back home. You try to not listen to them. You also want to go home.

No, you don’t. You’re here because you want to help humanity. If stay away from home and risk your life will help your family to live in better conditions, with no more fear, you’ll risk it every day.

A red light is seen, and you know what that means.

“Titans!” Hange says. “I wonder what amazing ones will we find today...” Once you’re near enough to them, you take your blades and swing between the trees. 

Levi saw you do that hundreds of times, but seeing your body elevate quietly, all the grace in every movement, from your side is another story. His grey eyes follow you, as if the battlefield was now a stage and this was a kinda strange ballet, in which you were the main dancer, and he only one of the public. 

He looks around, blushed. He has to center himself in the battle. Giving a couple orders to his squad, he easily finds an enormous titan. He goes all way up a tree, searching its weak point. You do the same a couple trees to his left, fighting. There’s a weird titan between the two of you, and Levi cannot predice its movements. He seems to be interested in you, but at the same time, he looks at Levi, as if he was about to attack him.

Unfortunately, you were it’s prey.

The titan runs towards you, his mouth open and his hands ready to catch you. You didn’t see him coming, you were too centered on the one you were attacking. The titan caught you off guard, taking one of the strings of your ODMS, making you scream. Levi hears that.

“Y/N!” He goes as fast as he cans near the titan, seeing your blades moving fast towards the enormous hand that was about to cage you. He kills the titan you were trying to kill, the one that had his mouth ready to eat you from his colleague’s hands. Then, he turns over himself, attacking the other one’s neck, the one that is squeezing your body so hard that you’re even screaming of pain. He never saw you screaming of pain. Never.

That’s when he realized how you’re suffering. You feel how the hand around you loses all strength and you fall. You fall because your body feels weakened. Levi catches your body in its way to the floor. You feel his warm body surrounding yours, his calm breath and his voice it’s the last thing your senses catch before you pass out.

❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁

The first thing you feel when you wake up is a fluffy bed under you, followed by a softly touch on your leg. You open your eyes quietly, trying to adapt to the light of the room. Levi is there. You blush.

“Captain Levi?” you ask in a whisper. He looks at you.

“Y/N, you’re awake.” he says. He offers you a glass of water. You thank him and drink slowly. 

”What happened?” you ask. You don’t remember exactly how you ended there, but you were surprised to find Levi by your side.

“You got squeezed by a titan three days ago.” he says, looking at the marks in your legs. “I came here with you as fast as I could and took care of you.” he says. His hand feels soft and hot against your skin. 

“You? You took care of me?” You ask. He nods.

“For all the days you’ve been here, in this bed, with your eyes closed.” he says, his voice going down and his gaze showing what he feels: tiredness.

“Have you been sleeping here, Captain.?” you ask. He nods.

“In this chair.” adds. You take air heavily, but it makes your ribs hurt. He looks at you concerned.

“I’m ok, I’m ok.” you say. “But you should get some sleep.”

“No.” he says.

“Why?” your tone is concerned now. He looks at your bed, but never at your eyes.

“You need someone to take care of you.” He simply answers. His hands play with your leg quietly, making sweet caresses on too of the wounds. You look at his hands dancing on your skin. It feels really good... Levi has been taking care of you for days. He saved you and then took care of you. You thought that the one that will be Levi's partner will be so lucky...

“Can I ask you why did you save me?” you ask, out of nowhere. His hands stop its caresses and he looks at you. His grey eyes are fixated on yours, making a quick scan all pver your face. Your plump lips that he dreamed to kiss for a long time, your cute nose, your blushed cheeks and your beautiful eyes.

“Cause I like you, and i was hoping you could be my girl, y/n” he says.

Wow. You weren't expecting that. He said it so directly, as if it was the simplest thing to say. As if it was easy as breathing. You looked at him, but he was serious.

"Be your girl?" you ask. Levi nods.

"I've been watching you. How strong, beautiful and powerful you are. All those things make my mind a mess, full of you. Your voice. Your body. Everything about you is invasive in my head." he says.

You were totally speechless, analyzing every movement he makes. How his adam's apple goes up and down nervously, how he plays with his hands. You find it kinda cute, how a captain of the Survey Corps is nervous to tell the girl he likes his feelings. After all, Levi took care of you. You felt an attachment, a bond that pulled you closer to him as magnets. You smiled.

"We'll give it a try." you say. He looks at you again, blushed. You smile. His hand searches yours quietly, and you let his fingers tangle with yours. He smiles.

"Y/N, I prom..."

"HOW'S MY FAVORITE GIRL EVER DOING?" Hange asks, entering the room. They didn't pay attention to your tangles hands. A shy Eren and a concerned Historia are behind them. "Oh, you look less like a zombie." they says. "I'm sure that Captain Levi has been taking care of you really well, if you know what I mean." they winks. Levi clicks his tongue, but he keeps your hand caged in his. That makes your stomach be full of butterflies.

"I saw you were in danger, who helped you?" since Historia wasn't called to that mission, she didn't knew what happened. Rumors are fast but, the 99% of the times, false.

"Yeah. Fortunately..." you look at Levi. How his eyes shined when he told you he wanted you to be his girl. "... fortunately my man was there for me." you smile and Levi almost choke on his saliva, but his acting skills were really worked. Historia smiled and Eren blushed.

"Oh Goddess, you two are now a couple?" she asks. You nod, smiling, and Levi blushes after being caught looking at you.

"Why did the little brat blush?" Levi asks. Eren coughs.

"It's just that is weird... My bestie and my Captain..." he says. You blush as well.

"It isn't!" Historia goes on your defense. "It's really beautiful. How the two of them..."

"... are wishing to be alone and we're here. Guys, head to the dorms, our girl is being treated." Hange says. Levi raises a brow and you let out a little laugh.

"Your jokes are pitiful." he says. They close the door behind them and Levi sighs. You smile at him.

"Then... About what treatment was Hange talking?"

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[turtle-steverogers]

hi hello, i am back again with stevie on the brain. you ever think about how steve hates being stifled in any form or way for like multiple reasons. he hates people going for his neck whether it is meant with malice or a friendly hug so bucky and him always hug with one arm around the waist and the other slung around the shoulder. he also hates pressure on his chest even if its light pressure that he could easily throw off, he absolutely despises it and it makes him gasp for breath out of reflex. so bucky avoids lying there whether its during sex or cuddling or whatever. he also hates the cold during winter catching in his lungs so he always wears his scarf in front of his nose and mouth. but when he was cap he couldnt afford to freak out over it bc ppl who were against him would go for his neck or sit atop of him to hold him down. he just had to deal with that bc it came with the job, and he just rolled with it bc hes steve.

and this is like one thing of so many...

- 🖌 anon

WELL NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT IT

And gosh, I usually write Steve as LIKING pressure from sensory issues, but now I'm really thinking of the flipside. I have questions for you, though: is it from the ice? Where does the fear of people going for his neck come from? His father?

Either way: yes. And Steve is so so so internal about things like that that bother him-- and he tends to freeze or fight when he's scared. So maybe he doesn't say anything about it until one day, Bucky and him are having sex, and usually, Steve insists on riding him so he can have that openness and space to breathe. But somehow, the moment brought them to Bucky fucking Steve on his back, and it's going fine until it's abruptly Not.

Steve suddenly goes still and it takes Bucky a moment to catch up. He stops and is just about to ask Steve what's wrong, what's happening when Steve suddenly starts writhing a little under him, and fuck, his eyes are wide and panicked, and Bucky's like "oh shit--" and Steve's like "Get out. Please-- get out--" but Bucky's already two steps ahead. He pulls out completely and scoots back, away from Steve giving him space. Room to breathe. And fuck, his own heart is slamming as he watches Steve sit up, shaking as he pulls in gasping breaths. He's twisting his fingers in a way that means he's trying to self soothe, and what the fuck is going on?

"Steve..." Bucky starts. He takes a deep breath of his own; if both of them are freaking out, then it will only be worse. "Hey, you're okay. We're done, it's okay. Can you take a deep breath for me?"

Steve looks at him, wide eyed, and nods. God, he must be really freaked out to comply so easily.

"Okay," Bucky says, pulling the sheets over his lap to cover up. He pulls in a deep breath. "In..."

A few minutes later, Steve's significantly calmer, and it's quiet in the room now. Tense.

Bucky swallows. "What's going on?" he asks.

Steve shrugs, looks away. "Don't like things-- don't like things near my chest. Don't like being trapped." And-- oh. Oh god.

Bucky frowns, concerned. "Shit, Steve. That's-- I'm sorry. Why?"

Steve shrugs again and Bucky figures he's already shared a lot for the day-- more than usual. He'll let it drop for now.

"Alright," he says. "What can I do for you for now?"

Steve looks at him with plaintive eyes. "Hold me?"

Bucky smiles. "That I can do," he says, crawling over and laying back against the cushions to let Steve cuddle close to him however he likes-- however would be safest for him. Steve settles between his legs, back to Bucky's chest. Bucky hugs him carefully, kissing his temple. "I can always hold you."