#its weird finding this stuff on my own too
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Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did
anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??
#Anyway im gonna see if i can calm down and mabye froget 5th grade again#not remembering stuff can hurt sometimes so dont try it i already fucked up learn fro. my mistakes
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you’re mine₊˚⊹♡
words: 3,002 ✦ .ᐟ
♯┆jealous george clarke, blow jobs, degradation, slut shaming, smut
you confess to george that you used to have a fan account about chrismd but when george finds the account himself you realise how possessive george can be and how much he wants you to know you’re only his
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hello hello !! this could technically be a part 2 to jealous george but you can also read it on its own
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You were sitting cross-legged on George’s bed, leaning against the headboard as he stretched out beside you, scrolling through his phone. His legs brushed against yours occasionally, and though it was casual, the closeness reminded you of how much you loved being his.
“I need to tell you something,” you said, your voice hesitant as you picked at a thread on the hem of your sweater.
George glanced up at you, sensing your unease. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, exactly…” You exhaled, cheeks already heating. “It’s just… okay, you have to promise not to get mad.”
He sat up a little straighter, narrowing his eyes. “That’s not a good start. What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything!” you said quickly, clutching a pillow to your chest. “It’s just… it’s something kind of embarrassing. About me. And, um… Chris.”
George’s expression shifted instantly, his jaw tightening ever so slightly. “Chris?” he repeated, his voice just a bit cooler. “What about Chris?”
You winced. “So, in 2020, I, um… I had a fan account for him.”
George blinked, clearly trying to process what you’d just said. And then, he laughed. But it wasn’t his usual easy, full laugh. This one sounded slightly forced, like he was trying to play it off.
“A fan account? For Chris?” he asked, his voice rising incredulously.
“Yes!” you groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
George didn’t say anything for a moment, and when you peeked up at him, his lips were pressed into a thin line.
“So, what kind of fan account are we talking here?” he asked, a little too casually. “Were you posting thirst traps of him or something?”
“What? No!” you exclaimed, horrified. “It was just, like… appreciation posts! Pictures from his games, funny things he said in his videos, that sort of stuff.”
George let out a short laugh, but there was a tightness in his jaw that you couldn’t miss. “Right. Just a harmless little crush, then?”
“It wasn’t a crush!” you said quickly, the heat in your cheeks intensifying. “It was 2020. I was bored, and Chris just happened to be… entertaining.”
“Entertaining,” George repeated, his tone flat.
You groaned, throwing the pillow at him. “Oh my god, stop making it weird!”
“I’m not the one who made it weird,” he shot back, catching the pillow but holding onto it like he needed something to fidget with. “You’re the one confessing to having a fan account for Chris of all people.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, catching the edge in his voice. “George… are you jealous?”
“Jealous?” he repeated, scoffing. “Of Chris? Don’t be ridiculous.”
But the way he tossed the pillow aside a little too forcefully and crossed his arms said otherwise.
“You are jealous,” you said, a teasing grin breaking across your face despite your embarrassment.
“I’m not jealous,” he insisted, though his gaze flicked away from yours. “It’s just… it’s Chris. The guy who leaves his gym socks all over the flat and takes 45-minute showers. That’s who you thought was worthy of a fan account?”
You laughed, leaning closer to him. “It was years ago, George. I didn’t even know you or him back then.”
“Yeah, well,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, “if I’d known, I would’ve made sure to stop it.”
“Oh, really?” you teased, nudging him with your shoulder. “And how exactly would you have done that?”
His eyes finally met yours, and there was an ounce of something possessive in them. “By making sure you knew there were better options.”
Your breath caught for a moment before you shook your head, laughing softly. “George, it wasn’t that deep. I wasn’t in love with him or anything.”
He huffed, still looking unimpressed. “Good. Because if I have to hear one more time about how Chris is ‘underrated’ or whatever…”
“Oh my god,” you said, groaning dramatically. “I regret telling you this already.”
George’s lips twitched into a smirk, though the jealousy still lingered in his eyes. “You know, I think I should make my own fan account. Post appreciation pictures of myself and see how you like it.”
You rolled your eyes, leaning over to kiss him lightly. “I’d be your biggest fan, George. You know that.”
His smirk softened into a genuine smile as he pulled you closer. “Good. Because I don’t want to compete with Chris for your attention.”
“You’re so weird,” you said, laughing as you settled into his arms.
“And you’re mine,” he murmured, the words warming your cheeks.
Chris might’ve been entertaining once, but sitting there with George, having him kiss all over your face, you couldn’t imagine ever thinking of anyone else. That was until now.
George had been distant all day. Usually, he’d find ways to hover near you, cracking jokes or stealing bites of your food just to make you roll your eyes. But today, he barely said a word. Instead, he spent most of the day holed up in his room or deliberately avoiding you in the flat.
At first, you thought maybe he was just having an off day, everyone had them. But when he brushed past you in the hallway without so much as a glance, it started to feel deliberate.
“George?” you called after him as he walked into his room, shutting the door behind him without a word.
Your patience finally snapped. You marched down the hall, pushed open his door without knocking, and slammed it shut behind you.
“What the hell is your problem?” you demanded, arms crossed as you glared at him.
George was standing by his desk, his back to you, his shoulders stiff. When he finally turned around, there was something sharp in his eyes that made your stomach twist uncomfortably.
“You know what’s the problem?” he said, his voice low but brimming with frustration. “You. You’re the problem.”
You blinked, stunned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He stepped closer, his jaw tight. “I found it, by the way.”
“Found what?” you asked, your confusion genuine.
“The account,” he said, his voice cold. “Your fan account. The one you swore was harmless.”
You stared at him, your heart sinking. “Wait—how did you—”
“I looked for it,” he snapped, cutting you off. “And you lied to me. All those posts, all those things you wrote about him, how much you wanted him…” His voice cracked slightly, his frustration boiling over. “And you let him flirt with you, knowing you used to feel that way.”
“George,” you said, shaking your head, “what are you talking about? I told you, it wasn’t like that—”
“Don’t lie to me,” he interrupted, his voice louder now. “You wanted to fuck him, didn’t you?” George’s voice was sharp, accusing, the words slicing through the air like a knife.
“Excuse me?” you spoke back, stunned and furious. “That’s not fair, George. I never—”
“Don’t lie to me,” he interrupted again, his tone raising, his frustration spilling over. “You can’t seriously expect me to believe you made all those posts about him, said all those things, and didn’t mean it.”
“It was years ago!” you shouted, your voice shaking with anger. “It was a stupid, meaningless thing I did when I was bored and stuck at home. I wasn’t thinking—”
“Yeah, well, I’m thinking about it now,” he shot back, stepping closer. “Thinking about the way he looks at you, the way you let him flirt with you—”
“I don’t let him do anything!” you cut him off, your face hot with frustration. “Chris was just being Chris. I didn’t take it seriously, and neither should you!”
"Oh, come on," George scoffed, shaking his head, his jaw tight. "You're telling me there's nothing left from that ‘stupid crush’? That part of you doesn't like the attention?"
“George what the fuck is wrong with you?”
He paused for a moment, his eyes scanning your face as he exhales, forcefully biting his lip, enough to leave an indent. “Wrong with me? The only thing wrong with me is the fact I thought a relationship with a slut like you would ever work out.”
Your breath caught in your throat, his words slamming into you like a physical blow. A mix of shock and rage surged through you, your body stiffening as the full weight of what he’d just said sank in.
“What the fuck did you just say?” you fought back, your voice low and trembling, your hands curling into fists at your sides.
George’s jaw clenched, his chest rising and falling as he looked at you, his face hard and unreadable. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to take it back, but then his expression hardened again, his voice cutting.
“You heard me.”
“No.” You took a step forward, your anger blazing. “Say it again, George. I dare you.”
He stayed silent, his lips pressing into a thin line as his gaze flicked away from you, like he couldn’t bear to look at the fury in your eyes.
“You’re unbelievable,” you spat, your voice breaking slightly despite your best efforts. “After everything, after all the times I’ve told you how much I care about you, this is what you think of me?”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t,” you snapped, cutting him off. “Don’t you fucking dare say you didn’t mean it. You don’t get to throw a word like that at me and act like it’s nothing.”
George finally looked at you, his eyes filled with something raw and painful that made your stomach twist. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice rough.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it, George,” you shot back. “You don’t trust me. You don’t believe me when I say I don’t want Chris. And now you’re calling me a slut? What the hell is wrong with you?”
He raked a hand through his hair, frustration radiating off him in waves. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t fucking know! I just—”
“What?” you demanded, stepping even closer. “You just what? Go on, say it.”
His hands clenched at his sides, his voice rising. “I just hate the way he looks at you! The way he talks to you like he’s got a chance, like I’m not even in the fucking picture!”
You stared at him, your anger warring with confusion. “And that’s my fault? You think I encourage him?”
“I don’t know!” George burst out, his voice breaking. “I don’t know what to think anymore! I just—”
His words faltered as he looked at you, his eyes dark and stormy with emotions he didn’t know how to express.
“You just what?” you whispered, your voice quieter now but no less fierce.
He exhaled shakily, his shoulders slumping slightly. “I just— I can’t stand the thought of anyone else having you.”
You opened your mouth to respond, a mix of anger and confusion bubbling to the surface, but before you could even form a sentence, George surged forward. His lips crashed against yours, the force of it silencing any protest you might have had.
You froze for a second, startled by the suddenness of it, your mind spinning. But then his hands cupped your face, holding you in place, and the desperation in the kiss pulled you under.
It wasn’t sweet or careful—it was messy and raw, all teeth and tongue as he kissed you like he was trying to prove something. You hesitated, the weight of your unresolved argument hanging heavy, but then his hands slid to your waist, pulling you against him, and you gave in.
Your fingers fisted in the fabric of his shirt as you kissed him back, meeting his intensity with your own. It was chaotic, your breaths mingling as you stumbled together, his body pressing into yours until the edge of the bed hit the backs of your knees.
You fell back onto the mattress, George following without hesitation. His weight pinned you down as his lips trailed from your mouth to your jaw, then lower, finding the soft curve of your neck. He kissed you there, the sensation sharp and hot.
His hands gripped your waist, sliding under your shirt just enough for his fingers to brush your bare skin. Every touch, every kiss felt frantic, like he was trying to erase the fight, the tension, and every trace of doubt you’d left between you.
“George…” you managed, your voice breaking as you tried to catch your breath, your fingers gripping his shoulders.
But he didn’t stop, didn’t let you finish. His lips pressed harder against your neck, his teeth biting down on your skin in a way that made you gasp.
“Don’t,” he muttered against your neck, his voice thick. “Don’t say anything right now.”
And so you didn’t. Instead, you let him keep going, the messy desperation between you spilling over as he kissed you like he needed you to understand exactly what he felt, whether or not he could find the words to say it.
George pinned your wrists to the sides of your head, his eyes blazing with a primal lust. Your arms landed on the soft sheets, your heart racing as he loomed over you, his body casting a shadow across your trembling form.
"You're mine," he growled, his voice thick with passion. "And I'm going to remind you of that."
With that, he took both your wrists in one hand, using the other to rip your shirt open, buttons flying across the room, exposing your breasts. His hands, rough and calloused, cupped your flesh, squeezing and kneading, causing you to arch your back and moan in pleasure.
"Oh, George..." you panted, your nipples hardening under his touch. "Please..."
He leaned down, his lips capturing one of your nipples, sucking and biting gently. His free hand trailed down your stomach, fingers tracing the outline of your underwear, teasing the damp fabric.
"You're so wet for me," he murmured against your skin, his breath hot on your sensitive breasts. "Tell me, who makes you feel like this?"
"You do," you whispered, your voice scratchy. "Only you, George. No one else can make me feel this way."
His hand slipped into your underwear, his fingers finding your throbbing clit, circling it and pressing down. You bucked against his touch, your hips rising off the bed, seeking more of his touch.
"That's right," he growled, his voice filled with satisfaction. "Only I can make you come like this. Only I can fuck you."
As his fingers worked, you felt your orgasm building quicker than usual, a tidal wave of pleasure threatening to consume you. Your body trembled, and you clutched at the sheets, desperate for release.
"Please, George..." you begged, your voice a mere whisper. "Make me come... I’m only yours."
George's fingers quickened their pace, his thumb pressing against your sensitivity. "Come for me, you little slut. Show me how much you want it."
The pleasure became unbearable, and with a cry, you climaxed, your body shaking every feeling of ecstasy washed over you. George's fingers continued their relentless touches, milking every last drop of pleasure from your quivering body.
As your orgasm subsided, George withdrew his hand, leaving you breathless and worthless. He stood at the edge of the bed, his eyes burning with a possessive gleam.
"Fuck, you really are desperate for someone to fuck you," he said, his voice filled with satisfaction. "Now, get on your knees, and show me how much you’re mine."
You didn't hesitate. You wanted to please him, to submit to his every desire. Slowly, you rose to your knees, your eyes locked on his, a silent promise to make him feel good.
George's cock, already hard and straining against his jeans, made your mouth water in desperation. You reached out, your fingers trembling as you unzipped his fly, eager to set it free. As his length sprang forth, you couldn't help but gasp at the sight.
"Suck it," he commanded, his voice rough. "Show me how much of a slut you are for me."
You leaned forward, your lips parting to take him in. His thick cock filled your mouth, and you moaned around it, the taste and feel of him driving you wild. George's hands gripped your hair, guiding your movements, controlling the pace.
"That's it, babygirl," he grunted, his hips thrusting gently as his tugged at your hair laced around his fingers. "Take it all, take me deep into your throat."
You obeyed, your mouth working faster as his commands spur you on, your tongue licking the slit on the top of his head, tasting his salty pre-cum. His hand moved from your hair to cradle your face in his large hand forcing you to look up at him through your eyelashes.
"You're such a good girl," he growled. "Make come right down your throat."
You paused for a moment to take him out of your mouth letting his cock rest on your tongue. George's breathing became ragged, and you could feel his cock twitching in your mouth, a sure sign he was close to the edge. You wrapped your mouth around him once more, sucking eagerly as he thrusted aggressively into your wet mouth.
With a final, powerful motion, George came, his hot cum flooding your mouth. You swallowed proudly, savouring the taste of him. He held your head in place, his hips jerking as he emptied himself into your willing mouth.
As he withdrew, you looked up at him, your eyes shining with satisfaction as you licked your bottom lip of the last of him. George's face was that of pure love, his breath coming in ragged gasps.
"You look so beautiful," he confessed, his voice husky. "You’re mine, you know that, only mine my love."
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a/n: thank you so much to @arthurhillmastermind for all your help on this fic !!
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so this hasn't happened in like a year
[ID: a tweet from me saying that my art has been stolen with screenshots of the art they stole badly cropped out and put on a tshirt with text that says 'yes, darling? do you need something?' and another screenshot of the store page. next to it is a screenshot of my original Goostarion artwork I posted to Tumblr and Twitter 6 days ago.]
someone stole my art. again. please never buy from tshirt shops like this on etsy. they are 100% stolen fanart and stolen official art. my own goostarion artwork as a sticker is one of the first results on etsy when you search for baldur's gate (which, thank you guys so much for that) and so perhaps because i put him on etsy you might see the tshirt and also think it's mine without checking the shop name. but it's not. and multiple people have the shirt in their basket. if an artist is selling their own work as a shirt it will be in their own shop, or perhaps in a redbubble/teespring shop under the same name. and it won't be a badly cropped version of their art with their watermark painted over.
[ID: a screenshot of the shop selling stolen art, SweetieBestieStore on Etsy. They have had 85 sales, 12 reviews with an average of 5 stars, the listing for the shirt with the art they stole from me says '3 people have this in their basket'. There is also stolen art by artists I tracked down using Google's Reverse Image Seacher they are grimmsever on Twitter, BryeArt on RedBubble and twistedlonewolf on Twitter. please support the actual original artists. their art has all been cropped, backgrounds erased and/or text placed next to it.]
i've repoted the listing, we'll see if etsy does anything. no one else can report it for copyright other than the person who owns the copyright so. we'll see if anything comes of that. i've reported stuff on other websites before like wish and amazon and got them taken down, but never etsy before so i don't know how quickly they work on these things or what the response could be. i have no idea if this post will reach any of the people who have this shirt in their basket on etsy, anyone who's scrolled past items like these on etsy, but please don't support shops like these.
[ID: a screenshot of my own Etsy shop 'emptymasks' where I have search for 'baldurs gate' within my own shop to show only my baldur's gate items, you can see my original artwork for goostarion which i have been selling as a sticker this past week since i drew him.]
And if you want Goostarion, you can just buy him as a sticker off my own shop. Or you could reblog the original post I made of the artwork here.
Ugh this isn't what I wanted to wake up too. I really hope no one buys anything more from their page.
#its weird finding this stuff on my own too#every time my arts been stolen in the past its been someone who follows me or finds it themself telling me about it#this is the first time ive found it on the wild on my own#and just because i was searching baldurs gate on etsy to look for cool fanart to buy#goostarion#astarion#baldur's gate 3#bg3#baldur's gate iii#baldurs gate astarion#baldurs gate 3#art theft#myart#fanart#baldurs gate fanart#mine#goosetarion
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wish i had a consistent character to show for this, but since i don't i just used icons :0]
blank template for those that want it under the cut
#different urls at the time of posting each of these too. from uglyramen to vhsanimal to girlboyburger#slowly my lines get thinner and thinner...#this was rlly cool to put together actually. i ended up digging up like#2016 and before art too#like 2015 is when i became a furry#its rlly evident that i used to just mimic the art styles of furry artists with styles i like#like straight up i found pieces tht i traced (didnt post) from like. okamiwolven and ashketchumsays (i think they go by luxebites now?)#waves my hand#its neat. idk. ive stumbled across pieces in the wild of young slash newer artists clearly referencing or tracing my art#i never thought id be the artist that ppl would learn through like that#im not encouraging creditless tracing btw. but. idk. its hard to articulate the kinds of feelings i get from seeing the cycle#of imitating/tracing to developing your own style but w my stuff#i think it makes me feel nice#its cool that some ppl find my art inspiration or aspirational in that way#this isnt like a weird humblebrag or anything btw its just cool#its also RLLY neat to see the things i was clearly trying to do come through stronger over the years#the lines on the coat of otto in the first icon was my attempt at including crosshatching esque texture#and now i do that For Real with cow's hair and more recently with shadowing#shrugs#ive rambled for too long now. hello tag reader. i hope u have a good night#my art#art style timeline
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you ever wonder if the Glamrocks's face tracking acts up when they look at Glamrock-Freddy, like they'll look at his face, and the recognition will register as Freddy, but their systems for whatever reason or another think that there is a face overlapped on Freddy's do you think they see two small squares next to him, at his side, roughly child sized, but no one is physically there.... right...?
#fnaf#michael afton#five nights at freddy’s#glammike#crying child#elizabeth afton#i wanted to allude something to william but idk#would the glamrocks go into the sinkhole? maybe#maybe next to glamrock freddy alongside the weird overlapping face he has and the two kid height faces#there is a face tracking box next to him...standing#remember that post about the ghost hunters comin to the pizza plex? maybe the weird face tracking happens too...#im watching garret watts and Andrew's constant facial tracking anomalies inspired this post lol#anyways i really like the thought that despite being the most friendly Glamrock; Freddy has this......feeling about him#his AI was made just this year! programmed with cutting edge and top of the line technology!#then....then why does he go off script sometimes? why does he say things that wasn't programmed show dialogue?#how does he know about Mr. Afton? the killer from the 80's who committed heinous deeds?#Why does he speak as if he knew him personally? if his AI is just pulling stuff from online; Why does he speak with resentment about him?#IM SORRY I JUST LOVE THE CONCEPT!!#like just because this franchise has gotten more neon and sugery than ever; remember; lights can be blinding and sugar causes cavities#idk what that means just omg there is more horror potential than you think in the SB era of games if you look hard enough#off topic but back to freddy being a sweetie pie i think that its funny okay#freddy sasses adults okay okay but he isnt mean to kids okay maybe michael just idk; MATURED? maybe he just got some whimsy mkay?#listen if i was forced to be in a perpetual cycle of atoning for my own and my father's sins i would find any and all silver linings mkay#aw yeah this is sick i get to be a freddy mercury inspired glamrock bear WOOO#granted michael was probably tired of animatronic bands and pizza by fnaf 6 but ykkkkkkkk it.....could be worse? he could be his dad lmao#anyways headcannon michael listend to freddy mercury and this is the equivalent of cosplaying him scott told me so (trust)#tag rambles! theyre fun lol
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These four wormed their way into my head last night and would not leave me until I spat something out so here's some assorted headcanons, a comic that I'm not sure I understand the punchline of myself and the youngest inn-bling(ba dum tss) in ten to fifteen years.
#princess tutu#author#malen#i didnt really stop to think of the tots' names.#i honestly dont know what their parents would name them!#i mean so far we've got an author and we've got a malen. absolutely bonkers combination mama and papa innskeeper what were you on#also i just found it hilarious if they had a ridicilously small age difference for siblings thats it#like not even a full year and he's acting all high and mighty lmaooooooo#i fear i am genuinely being too mean to author this time#i am sure he didnt mean to alienate himself from his family-#-by diving headfirst into researching its dark spooky past-#-to the point of forming his own self-contained cult of a sort.#thats just puberty. teenagers need to be agressively weird its enrichment. how else will they find themselves?#no seriously i am asking#so far i havent seen a different method#anyway#fanart#my art#i think ill tag stuff specifically tied to these four as#the inn-blings#i feel like i had more to say in the tags but i forgor#OH OH OH#i didnt! say anything! ABOUT MALEN#like hwllo this makes her involved in the whole spooky fucking writer drama?? osrt of?#.i mean#its implied that authors father was adopted and theres no direct blood relation#or something of the sort#either way the innblings have no hereditary powers#author is just a big fucking nerd#so like.
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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gotta get up early for class tomorrow im so sleepy but i suddenly felt the urge to calculate how much money's been spent on my post secondary education till now and i literally feel nauseous
#LIKE.... what the fuck .#and the way my contribution has been minimal how am i ever gonna like . repay my dad for this#also how does he just .....spend so much . he'll always pay for anything school related w/o saying anything weird#like why is this genuinely making me crysjrjfjskwkfj#i KNEWWWW it was a lot but i was just thinking id love to pay him back for it somehow#so i was like lemme pull up all my undergrad invoices and the current stuff too and i did the math and .....#LIKE I FEEL SICK obv i have Issues w my dad but sometimes i feel so bad for him his dad passed away when he was 15#so i feel like he jas that Thing for like being super present in his kids' lives#and education is like a Biiiiig thing for him bc he had to work and earn and pay for his own (ig his mom helped as much as she could)#THIS IS MAKING ME SOB IM SO SAD#and the way i cant even fucking find a job to at least earn SOMETHINGGGG i can help with its so stupid#anyway idk Whats going on in my brain rn i should sleep god#like im so grateful but theres so much guilt too ??#desi culture is insane bc imagine you work your whole entire life and then you have to pay for every one of ur kids' education weddings etc#OK GOOD NIGHT will i delete this is it too . personal . idk#h talks
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goddammit all that LV worldbuilding has lead me to creating a scene in my head that now has me wondering if i have to put a plot-important sex scene in what will be a main-storyline arc instead of a fade to black or disconnected easily-skippable oneshot
#theres a point where the guy HAS to get some energy out and the bf is RIGHT THERE ...........................#sigh. a bit ago i made a lil agreement with myself that actual sex stuff wouldn't really be in the main plot outside of allusions#and that anything Real would stay in epilogue fics & oneshots#but now im like. man. there is something here that i can use!!!! but its like im still in the mindset of writing as a young teen!!!!#too scared to make other ppl uncomfortable with MY OWN DAMN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHEN will my brain catch up that other people finding selfcest weird is a skill issue on THEIR part fucks SAKE!!!!!!!!#laying facedown on the ground . as if thats not the entire reason i made this blog in the first place 😔#every time i go on atbb and the pinned rules reminds me of a time that is not necessary anymore#im GROWN NOW !!!! I NEED NOT RESTRICT MYSELF ANY LONGER#but my AUDIENCE..................#ppl said it was refreshing that i had selfcest where everything wasnt about sex and obv it still wont be but that is IN MY BRAIN FOREVER#AUUYHGHGHGHGH SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THIS 14 YEAR OLD OUT OF MY HEAD SO EDGE CAN FINALLY GET DICKED DOWN COME ONNNNNN
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Me: *talking about the older Disney Princess movies and how I'm re-watching them* Someone: Oh yeah, but man those older ones, the OG 3? They were horrible representation for wom- Me:
Me: Speak not another word, lest we get thrusted back into the good year of 2014. This is why Frozen gagged y'all, cause people had that antiquated and twisted mindset of something that doesn't exist.
#we do NOT disrespect Snow White Cindy nor Aurora in my house#silly talks#SW and Cindy were parental abuse victims who still fought back and survived in their own way#and one was fucking 14 christ all mighty#and Cindy was so freaking proactive its crazy#i love the live action disney cindy but og animated cindy was just as good#they had a slightly different focus and messages but they both executed their own stuff (and shared stuff) very well#and aurora is just existing and y'all wanna drag her man#btw I love frozen and F1 is one of my top fav disney movies#but when you watch it and remember the bs mindset people had of the older disney princess during the 2010s-ish era....#....well F1's writing is elevated a lot more!#It's playing into and subverting the twisted expectation people had of the older gens and the creators/Hans trolled y'all#I was not expecting this to happen in an irl convo I was not expecting to be thrusted back into 2014 TT0TT#(btw I say this knowing I also accidentally bought into/entertained that weird mindset for a minute....#.....i was a teen and thought the headcanon/aus of 'making childhood thing actually twisted' was fun uwu#like ed edd and eddie is actually taking place in purgatory or whatever#do I really believe it? no. did I find it interesting/entertaining to explore that idea? yea#i firmly don't believe Beauty and the Beast is stockholm syndrome.....but did I find it interesting to hear about it the first time? yeah#so yeah when I bring up F1 gagging people I look at it fondly cause I was also invested in that crowed too! ...I wasn't as antagonistic#about it as some people but I did explore those ideas cause I found them fun)#anyway off topic we did Herc and Mulan last night (probs my fav disney movies besides F1 and Lion King 2)
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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ever since the pandemic ended and i started going out and talking to people with the goal of "making friends being happy loving life" ive started o realize that i in fact do not enjoy the stay at home doing nothing not talking to anyone lifestyle and that i love calling ppl and that nature is actually the bomb, all the times id rather stay in bc "im just not an outings guy" is actually bc im like. traumatized or something
#do i know what caused this no do i want to stop it god. yeah. i wanna go out and vlimb trees :( i wanna hug my friends#and give them little gifts and non stop tell them about everything that im interested in :(#finding out im aromantic also just completely changed how i see my friendships and myself too#like yeah!!!!! friends!!!!!!!!#romantic tension is a lie i am just quirky & chill like that#anyways i AM looking forward to the thing were havong on monday HOWEVER the fact that its happening on my exs house is#unfortunate. like maybe im not gonna be so chill while there. but thats ok im still gonna try and im gonna be mature about it#is it weird hes already after someone else wohin less of a month yeah but its none of my business anymore#i dont want to confront him thats his own mess im being normal about it. i am handling this correctly#if anyone asks me i will be honest if he asks me i will be honest#i have no problem with the girl i only have a problem with him. i actually really really enjoy the girls company#shes so chill. like she says she loves me sometimes and im like woah! i dont rlly know you!#but its a warm feeling i enjoy it#i wanna start saying i love my friends too#i wanna make her a bracelet actually#thatd be so slay#o should invite her and some friends over just to make bracelets#we could make each other little things !!!!#i wanna draw stuff to my friends#yayayayayayayay i love my friends i wanna talk to them so bad omg omg omg what do i talk about#im gonna ask them about their day !!!!!#sg.txt
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um
#alway feel weir ab puttin my age range jnto my carrds/rentrys cuz its like#ik ppl kinda don givr a shiiiiiiiiit#n ik alot of systems don find alter age bein helpful as a concept at all even whrn it come 2 littles#but.. a big portion of our system is wildly different in their maturity level in regards to our body age?#wr only have one kiddo little n shes very small but we also have a few middles (which i sumtimes consider myself as well)#idk why it such a rejected concept sumtimes#like im nwt bein ableist to myself by describin myself in an accurate way#if non systems can have stuff like age regression (which. ithink. littles r pretty much the same thing in a different wrapping n with the#added aspect of did)#ithink its very handy 2 refer 2 especially as ya grow older#at least in spaces i feel safe 2#cuz once our body left my personal age range j been feelin WEIRD. i feel really pressured still cause like im an adult but imealso nawt#even outside of my own self. sure we have a 20yo brain + so on but we r So stunted by trauma i don think i ever feel like our body is past#the age of like. 14. its kinda terrifyin too.#but yea um.. alter age is good if its a helpful tool for ya.. if it aint please keep yr mouth shut.. its purely a self descriptor & no onr#forcin ya to put a label onto yrself if ya feel it don fit#personally i id wjth like a general 16-18ish but it fluctuates. nawt sure if id say am an age slider cuz the change is quite insignificant
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why is giving family members a small wishlist so much more tedious than it has to be
#me: hey heres my wishlist its in an email can you also forward it#them: yeah sure but uh you cant have anything thats not on amazon bc we dont know how to use other sites#me: wdym its the same process#them: well its more complicated oh my god we are older we dont understand#me: well ok. ill find alternatives where i can#them: wait can you just let us edit our own wishlist with what you want?#me:... why cant you use the one i sent?#them: BECAUSE it is too much ok pls just send a couple of things#(the list only has like 8 things and two are gift cards)#me: well. fine heres two things i really want#them: hm. are you sure you want that? it doesnt cost a lot#me: yes. i dont like asking for expensive things that arent games we have been over this.#them: well put something more expensive on there then we just feel bad getting you a cheap thing bc then we think youre worth less#me: .... ok heres one of those custom pokemon shirts just bc i think theyre neat#them: OH MY GOD THATS SO EXPENSIVE we are not wasting our money on that.#me: ... ok can i have the games then?#them: sure. god why are you so hard to buy for youre sooooo weird about gifts#for extra context: my brothers and cousins ask for over $100 worth of stuff and usually get all of it and more#and its not like im ungrateful either i never snap at them or anything. i usually ask for practical stuff or aesthetics like stickers#when its not books or games... but theyve gotten more passive aggressive lately i think#for my bday most ppl werent weird but my aunt made a big deal out of getting me a $20 sweater i couldnt wear#bc of the texture and size not working for me. and like loudly emphasizing ''OH GOD DONT LOOK AT THE PRIIIICE UGH IM SO MEAN''#all the while im being polite and thanking her and shes just freaking out at me for ''being hard to buy for''#and being ''forced to buy me something so gross and cheap'' like it felt like a weird power move#echoed voice
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I swear to god teenagers have some sort of telepathic superpower they use to reach into your mind to find things about you to make fun of because how else would that random ass boy have known that i like rock music and then started mocking me for it
#lizard-dumbass talks about stuff#text post#no seriously#i was in the library after school last week and there were no empty chairs anywhere so i leaned against a wall close to a group of kids who#were also hanging out in the library after school hours#i was legit just minding my own business‚ looking at my phone‚ headphones on‚#when this random boy comes up to me‚ does the devil horns hand sign‚ and mockingly says 'dark side!' while headbanging#he did this several times too during the circa 20 minutes i was in that library‚ each time getting closer in my personal space#i just ignored him cuz i didnt know what else to do#but what confuses me is how the hell he knew that i like that type of music#i wasnt even dresed particularly goth/punk/emo/whatever#maybe it was the fact that i was wearing all black and had headphones on#but i kind of think he just telepathically looked into my mind to find out what music i like /j#he pulled that same shit again yesterday#he saw me walking outside and said to his buddy ''hey its my friend!'' (the use of 'friend' obvs being sarcastic) and shouted DARK SIDE at#me while headbanging and doing the devil horns hands#idk man teens are weird#and mean#so very mean
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