#its weird cause idk if i can part with the pussy

[biteboys]

love topping in theory,, in practice? dick longing

[jwonsite]

“happy birthday, pretty boy” - sim jaeyun

part 2 of e(nnn)- (a nnn series)

pairing: switch!jake x switch!fem!reader

warnings: oral (f&m receiving), making out, 69 position, lingerie mentioned, idk what else to put help me

synopsis: while your boyfriend is trying his hardest to win a bet made by his best friends to not have sex for a month, you couldn’t help but give him a little show on his birthday

masterlist!

"jake i'm telling you right now there's no way you're winning that ps5"

"you really have that little faith in me?!"

"have you met yourself? last week you begged me to let you eat me out because you were 'pussy deprived' while i was on my period. it had been 3 days."

your boyfriend sighed in defeat, knowing you were right. but was it really his fault? you were just so perfect, he could never get enough of you!

"well i'm going to prove you wrong, just watch. on december 1st when i'm collecting my ps5 from sunghoon i'll remind you of this very moment," jake said, crossing his arms as he dramatically turned away from you

you laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes at his dramatics. you knew your boyfriend, and you knew there was absolutely no way that he was lasting this entire month, especially with his birthday being a few weeks away. he can tell himself whatever he wants, but you both know in the end, he's not getting that ps5.

______________________________________________________________

it had been two weeks and he was honestly doing way better than anybody expected. everyday the boys waited for a text message saying he lost, some even placing further bets on how many hours days he could last before he lost

"can you believe them?! i was on the phone with hoon earlier and i heard heeseung give jungwon money after saying i lasted longer than he thought! i can't believe theyre making bets on me, like, am i really that horny?" he complained to you as you were eating dinner together

"in their defense, you are a pretty big man whore. i mean, have you seen the videos of yourself from the concerts? licking your lips, showing your abs, grinding the air, they definitely aren't wrong for thinking that. plus i am 100 percent sure they have heard us have sex in the dorms multiple times", you said back to him. everybody knows that jake practically lives off of sex. not in a weird way, but you just energize him so much. with so much stress of being an idol, getting to come home and fuck his frustrations out, or eat you out for hours until you're overstimulated, it's an instant destresser

"well, yeah but, they could at least have a little more confidence in me", he said with a pout, continuing to eat the food you had made for him earlier

"okay you big baby", you said with a laugh, getting up to take your empty plate to the sink to wash

your boyfriend followed soon behind with his empty plate, slightly pushing you out of the way and taking the sponge out of your hand to wash the dishes for you. you smiled at him fondly as you moved to sit on the counter directly next to the sink. you sat and admired your boyfriend, looking so domestic as he washed the dishes in your apartment. you looked forward to the day that he could finally move in with you full-time, after the pressures of being an idol aren't so heavy

"you're staring, pretty girl", he said with a smirk, not moving his attention from the plates in front of him

"yeah cause you're just so handsome", you said not being able to hold back your smile

he giggled a bit at your statement before refocusing on the task in front of him

"so!" you said, clapping your hands together, "what are we doing tomorrow, birthday boy?"

"i didn't really have any plans in mind, probably hang with the boys for a bit, get dinner or whatever then come back and chill here with you. nothing too crazy", he said nonchalantly, turning of the sink and drying his hands as he finished washing everything

"are you serious? its your 21st birthday jakey, you have to do something!" you said, wrapping your arms around his neck as he stood between your legs. because you were sitting on the counter you were eye level with him. he put his hands on your thighs as he looked at you with a smile

"yeah yeah i know but... i dont know. not really in the going out mood, id rather just chill and spend it here with you", he said moving his face close to yours, noses rubbing together. you hummed as you closed the gap between you both, lips molding together as your hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck. he pulled away, rubbing your noses together once more before standing back to look at you

"you sure you don't wanna go out somewhere tomorrow? nothing at all you can think of?" you asked once more, intertwining your hands together

"nothing, i promise. we can go out to eat with the boys and then come back and have a movie night or something. just wanna be with you", he said with a smile. you flushed at his words. even after dating for so long he never failed to make you flustered

"okay, now come on pretty boy let's go to bed, i'm tired", you said, wrapping your arms and legs around your boyfriend to signal him to carry you to your bedroom. he laughed and shook his head before putting his hands under your thighs and picking you up, walking to your room

______________________________________________________________

the next day was filled with multiple surprises for your boyfriend, waking him up to breakfast in bed, giving him a beautiful white gold bracelet you had found for him a few weeks ago, the boys showing up early to your house to give him the gifts they had bought him before all going out to dinner together that night.

you all had a great time, talking and laughing loudly for hours, probably annoying the rest of the patrons in the restaurant. your boyfriend thanked his friends, as well as you for making his birthday such a fun day, but what he didn't know was that you had one more surprise for him.

you had been planning this for a while, being very glad he opted to staying in for his birthday as it helped your plan go smoother. you knew he had that bet with his friends but, we all knew he was gonna lose at one point or another, so why not have it be on his birthday? he wasn't even a big gamer anyways, it wasn't like he would be super disappointed if he didnt get the gaming console.

you were gonna make some excuse to get him back to your place, changing into your brand new black lingerie set you got specifically for this occasion. you knew he loved when you wore black, since it was one of his favorite colors. you hoped the lingerie set would get him to break, giving up on his bet with his friends

after dinner was paid for (thank you jay🙏🏼), your boyfriend bid goodbye to his friends, walking back to your car with you

you drove home in a comfortable silence, his hand on your thigh as you looked out the window, music lowly playing in the background. you were getting excited for your plans, feeling the heat in your core grow as you slightly shifted in your seat

"you okay babe?" jake asked, looking at you slightly

"yeah, i'm fine" you said with a smile, grabbing his hand off your thigh to intertwine it with yours, as the close proximity to your core was getting you more worked up than you already were

you thought you were being slick, but your boyfriend knew about this whole ordeal. he had accidentally seen the lingerie in your dresser, and when he didnt recognize it he figured you had bought it for this reason. and after seeing the way you tried to hide yourself getting worked up during dinner, snd in the car next to him just now, confirmed his suspicions. he smiled to himself before focusing back on the road, feeling your stare on the side of his face. usually he would tease you, but right now he wanted nothing more than to get you home and fuck you til you can't walk

the ride back to your apartment felt longer than usual, your arousal continuing to pool in your panties the more you thought about the night to come. you finally arrived, and jake got out the car quickly to open the door for you, helping you out of the car. he grabbed your hand as he led you inside. he unlocked the door to your apartment, letting you go in first, following behind closely

before you knew it, you were pushed up against your front door, your boyfriends lips clashing with yours passionately as his hands roamed over your body

your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting him to be the one to initiate the intimacy. you soon melted into your boyfriends arms, wrapping your arms around his neck to tangle in his hair as your tongues clashed in each others mouths. he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist, not breaking the kiss as he walked to your bedroom, placing you down on the bed, leaning back to take of his shirt, throwing it across the room before coming back down to kiss you again

"fuck, jakey, what about your bet?" you moaned out as he moved his lips down your neck and chest

"first of all, fuck the bet. second of all, you think i didn't know all about your little plan for tonight? that pretty little lingerie set that you bought just for me. lucky for you, i'm gonna let you save that for another day, right now i just wanna feel you around me" he said as he continued to leave open mouthed kisses down your neck and chest, putting his hands up your shirt to massage your breasts over your bra

you moaned as you moved your hands to take off your shirt, sitting up for a second to lift it over your head, discarding it somewhere in your room

jake moved further down your chest now that he had more access, taking one of his hands to unbuckle your bra skillfully, like he had done it a billion times

after your bra was off, he moved his mouth down to suck your nipples, licking and kissing then as he used one of his hands to roll your other nipple between his fingertips. your hands were in his hair, pulling and tugging on it slightly, making him moan into your breasts, sending vibrations all through your body

"baby please, i need you so bad" you moaned out, becoming impatient

"so needy, my baby. can't believe i was gonna make you wait a whole month without my dick" he said, kissing down your body as he made his way to where you were craving him most

"wait", you said, putting your hand on his head to stop his motions. you put your hand under his chin to pull him back up to your face, before pushing him over so he was under you

he gasped at the sudden movement before smirking at you, immediately putting his hands behind his head

"wanna take care of my pretty boy" you said as you moved down to his dick, kissing and lick his defined abs on the way down. you unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down off his legs before cupping his clothed dick in your hands

he moaned out at the feeling as you palmed him through the thin fabric of his underwear, cursing lowly under his breath

"please don't tease princess, it's been way too long i need to feel your mouth around me already" he said with a whine

"whatever my birthday boy wants" you said, slipping your fingers into the sides of his boxers, sliding them down his thighs. his dick sprung up from the fabric, stand so tall and prettily. you swear his dick was the prettiest one in the world, the veins going up the side were just so perfect, he wasn't bigger than average, but he was so thick, and his tip was so red and pretty, already leaking precum

he groaned as he was finally released from the constraints of any fabrics, moving his hands down to tangle in your hair

you took his dick in your hands as you slowly licked all the way from the base to the tip, your boyfriend moaning out loudly as you did so. you began to suck his tip gently, licking his slit and tasting his precum on your tongue

"fuck, baby, you said anything i want right? i want you to sit on my face please. you take my dick so well in your mouth but i want to taste you too. please baby", he whined out as you continued to suck only the tip. you smiled up at him before standing up to remove your pants and underwear

"of course pretty boy, it's your night" you said as you climbed onto the bed seductively, moving your legs over your boyfriends head so you were hovering above his mouth. you could feel his warm breath on your pussy, and his nose rubbing against your clit. you moaned slightly as you leaned forward to take his dick into your moth again

you began sucking on it harshly, before feeling jake pull your hips down harshly, suffocating himself with your pussy. he was licking and sucking on your clit so well, you could barely concentrate on what you were doing. you continued to bob your head up and down over his cock as he keep eating you out, your moans being muffled by his dick. the vibrations of your moans over his dick made him approach his orgasm faster than usual, already feeling his stomach tighten and his dick twitching in your mouth. he didn't want to cum before you, so he started to speed up his actions, hands tightly gripping your thighs, probably leaving a mark tomorrow

he heard your moans get higher in pitch, and your hips began to grind onto his face slightly, signaling you were close. you continued moving up and down on his dick, hands massaging his balls as you felt his dick twitch in your mouth. your orgasm hit you hard, hips bucking onto your boyfriends face as you tried to continue sucking on his dick, becoming too distracted on by your own orgasm hitting you. jake didn't stop his ministrations, riding you through your orgasm, making sure to lick up every last drop of your juices. your hand continued to move up and down his dick, and you moved your head back down to his dick so he could come too. not long after he was cumming in your mouth, moaning into your pussy sending vibrations and overstimulating you

you gathered all his cum into your mouth, sitting up and turning around so he could see your face as you swallowed it. that was one of his favorite parts when you sucked his dick, getting to see you swallow his load

his hands moved to your waist as you sat over his abs, feeling your juices spread over his stomach. you leaned down to kiss him, and he practically got hard again tasting himself on your lips. you smiled into the kiss as you pulled away, biting his lip before you pulled away and let go

"happy birthday, pretty boy"

you rolled off his stomach to lay next to him, turning your head to look at him with a smile. he looked back at you, returning the smile fondly. he rolled to the side to cuddle into you, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him before he could

"you thought we were done baby? oh no, were just getting started"

a/n: GUYS FINALLY I KNOW ITS OUT AHHHHH. i wrote this all in one sitting cuz i was determined to finally get it out for you guys after weeks of not being able to😭 i hope you guys enjoy, and sorry it’s a little short🥲🥲🥲

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(if your name is NOT greyed out i cannot tag you!)

[thetriumphantpanda]

CHARLIEEE AHAHAHAAAA

thank you for allowing me the chance to give you all my depraved thoughts. my request is for mr. joel miller, obv.

i’m craving a good soft!dom with some daddy kink. i know this is picking way more than one HAHA, but maybe some blindfold and restraint action… a bit of sensory deprivation scene, if you will. maybe it’s readers first time trying it, but of course she trusts joel to take care of her.

bonus points for some fluffy aftercare.

MYA BESTIE SAY LESS. I GOTCHU. I SEE YOU. I LOVE YOU. Also sorry but this might actually be trash... idk I'm feeling weird about it but the longer I look at it the worse it gets so HERE WE GO.

Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader

Word Count | 1.8k

Warnings | Explicit. 18+, Minors DNI. We've got soft Dom!Joel, restraints, blindfolds, daddy kink, teasing, unprotected PiV sex and a spattering of sweet aftercare.

Part of my 1k Smut Sensation Celebration - if you want in, check here for details - I’m accepting requests through July 15th.

“That too tight?” Joel’s gruff voice is speaking from above you. 

You wriggle your wrists. There’s still plenty of slack that you can move them about a little, but enough to keep you tied to the headboard, just as you wanted. You can already feel the roughness of the rope scratching the skin of your wrists, but at this point you’re beyond caring. You’d asked for this, this was what you wanted, and so far, Joel is delivering everything you’d wanted. 

“Perfect,” You squeak out, looking up to find him staring down at you expectantly, “Daddy, sorry, it’s perfect, daddy.” 

“Good girl,” He murmurs, letting his fingers run a little way down the bare skin of your arms before he’s pulling away, standing at the foot of the bed in just his boxers, “I’m gonna take real good care of you, sweet girl,” He’s speaking as he bends to where his backpack is at the end of the bed, pulling out a strip of material that looks like it was a tie in its previous life, he’s rounding back to you on the bed, “Lift your head up for me a little,” He instructs, you do as you’re told and he’s wrapping the tie around your head to cover your eyes, “Still okay?” 

“Still okay.” You speak. 

“Good,” You can’t see him anymore, but you can feel the movement on the mattress as he stands again, “Anything gets too much, you use that word, you remember it?” 

“Red.” 

His voice is further away when he responds, “Good girl.” Then you feel his calloused palm grip your ankle, the sudden touch that you weren’t expecting makes you jump, which causes him to chuckle low in his chest. 

You can feel the bottom of the mattress dip as Joel kneels between your ankles, he’s got a hand on each and he’s dragging his palms slowly up the skin of your legs. Asking to be restrained and blindfolded had seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now you were aching to reach out and touch him, coax his mouth up to the apex of your thighs, to show him what you really wanted, as if he didn’t already know. 

When Joel reaches your knees, you can feel his hands gripping the bend of your legs, pushing them back as you feel the bed dip more where he’s lying down now. You can feel his breath on your pussy, already wanton and aching from where he’d kissed you breathless and stripped you down ever so slowly before tying you up. You buck your hips up towards the source of the hot breath, receiving a sharp squeeze to the skin he’s holding. 

“Now, now,” He warns, “That’s not how a good girl behaves, is it?” 

You grumble, “No daddy,” You acquiesce, “I’m sorry.” 

“You’ll get everything you want, sweet girl,” He pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh, facial hair scratching at your delicate skin, “You’ve just gotta be patient, okay?”

Your response is a moan as you settle your hips back on the bed. Joel presses another soft kiss to the inside of your thigh before he’s pulling his mouth away. You’re expecting him to move to the other side, much like he always does, but the next time he kisses you, it’s on your tummy, then his lips are pressing a kiss to the soft curls at your mound, then moments later they’re back at your thighs. 

It's hard to keep up with, you don’t know where his lips are going to touch next, and it’s got your chest heaving and your body writhing. He knows where you want his lips the most, he can feel the way you’re trying to subtly move yourself, so his mouth is where you want him. But he’s not done. The control he has over you in this moment is overwhelming and he’s going to make you wait as long as he can bear before he gives in. He continues to pepper soft kisses across every inch of your skin, reveling in the way that your whines and gasps are coming a mile a minute. 

“Joel, please,” You beg, “I can’t take it anymore.” 

“Poor baby,” He coos softly when he’s at the skin between the valley of your breasts, “So needy for me, aren’t you?” He’s trailing his lips down your abdomen, letting his tongue run wet trails over your skin until he’s back between your legs, “Does my sweet girl need my mouth here?” You can hear him ask, before you can feel the pad of what you think is his thumb running lightly along the seam of your pussy. 

“Yes, daddy,” You groan at finally feeling him where you want him the most, “I need you.” 

“Alright baby,” You can feel his breath fanning the skin there now, “You’ve been so good for me, so patient, let me make you feel good.” 

You can feel his rough hands spreading the lips of your pussy, baring your slick center to him, before he presses a singular open-mouthed kiss to your clit. The feeling of him finally putting his lips on you is ecstasy. One small touch of his mouth and you’re aflame, skin prickling with pleasure. He goes back a second time, just another kiss to your clit, but this time he finishes with a flick of his tongue across it and now you’re letting out an obscene moan from your mouth. 

Then, Joel Miller does what Joel Miller does best and devours you. His tongue is inside your pussy, coating his mouth in as much of your slick as he can manage, the pad of his thumb working circles over your clit when his tongue isn’t. He can tell all the teasing has you worked up, the way you’re grinding into his tongue and chasing the pressure of his fingers on you. You’ve been a good girl, he decides, he’ll give you what you want. 

“Does my sweet girl want to come?” He asks, latching his mouth around your clit to suck, you let his name drop from your lips, “I know she does, go on baby, let go for me.”

He manages another three swipes of his tongue before you’re arching your back off the bed, the rope tightening around your wrists, adding pain to the insane pleasure currently coursing through your body as he works your through the shuddering aftershocks. God, you wish you could see him right now. He always did the same thing, grins up at you with his wet mouth, eyes dark like predator pouncing on prey, as he slinks up to rest between your thighs. You can feel him shift from the bed, thinking he must be taking off his underwear, before there’s that telltale dip in the mattress. 

You almost cry with relief when you feel his body press to yours, the broad expanse of his chest is pressed to yours, you can feel the stiffness of his cock sliding through your folds, nudging at your clit as he settles himself above you. You can feel his palms resting on the bed on either side of your head, then you can feel his breath fanning across your face as he kisses you. You can taste yourself on him, his tongue in your mouth, mixing with your own, as you drink yourself down, then he’s dragging his perfect nose across your cheek to rest next to your ear. 

“Still okay?” He whispers, letting his tongue jut out to lick across your earlobe. 

“Still okay.” You confirm, tilting your head so he can press kisses to your neck. 

“Gonna fuck you so good baby, you ready?” 

“So ready,” You whine as you feel him start to slide his thick cock into your aching cunt, “Feel so good, daddy.” 

“Yeah, that’s right sweet girl,” You can hear him panting into your ear as he bottoms out, “Daddy fucks you real good, doesn’t he?” 

All you want is to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and grip onto him as he fucks into you. Want to be able to lean up and press kisses to the sweaty skin of his chest. Grip the meat of his ass to bring him deeper inside of you. 

“Look so fuckin’ pretty for me baby,” He chokes out, as he picks up his pace, “All spread out and takin’ me like a good girl.” 

As his thrusts get harder, you start grinding your hips up to meet him. You want this man to give you everything he has. You’ve given him everything you have in this moment, most of all the unbridled trust you have in him, that he’ll tie you up and use you like this, the kind of trust you’ve never had with anyone before. 

“Want you to come for me, daddy.” You let out a moan as he uses one hand to tilt your hips so he’s hitting that incredible spot inside you. If your eyes were open, you’d be able to see stars. 

“Fuck baby- I’m so close.” You can feel his pace getting sloppy, can hear the way his gasps and groans are speeding up. 

Then, he’s pulling out of you, just as he always does. You can hear him grunting and the slap of his skin as he fists his cock, before the warmth of his cum is spreading across your lower tummy. You feel his big palm come to rest on your hip as he’s heaving in air to his lungs. Then, you can feel him clambering over you and taking the blindfold off. 

“Hey pretty lady,” He smiles, pressing a kiss to your nose once the material over your eyes is gone, “Let me untie you.” 

His fingers make light work of untying the knots he’d made in the rope. You’re grateful for the relief of the scratchy material being gone. He leaves you on the bed, pressing a kiss to your temple before he leaves the room, coming back moments later with a glass of water and a washcloth, which he uses first to soothe between your legs before wiping away his cum from your skin. 

“Get under the covers,” He encourages once he’s pulled the duvet back, letting you slide in first before he’s getting in as well, pulling you to his chest, “They sore?” He asks when he notices the red marks along your wrists. 

“A little.” You reply honestly, watching intently as he takes one of your hands in his, bringing your wrist to his mouth before he’s peppering soft and gentle kisses around it like a bracelet. He does the same to the other wrists, promising to pick some salve up from the general store in town when he’s out in the morning.

“Did you like it?” He asks, lips mumbling into the top of your hair. 

You’re sleepy, struggling to keep your eyes open, but you tilt your head up to him, “Yeah, I liked it,” You smile, “Liked it a lot, but I still think I prefer to watch you when you come for me.” 

[anonymousredactedconfessions]

i feel like erik pussies out a lot with plot. yeah, with the fred and bright shit, but also with just a bunch of stuff in general. speed through lovely's bloodlust and turning, speed through the quinn arc, speed through milo losing his shifting. linger bro LINGER. explore your themes, plot and its impact. leaping to fluff all the time like a mf i stg.

i think its in part to the community being weird as fuck with him when he attempts angst (fred and bright obv) but im not even asking for that. just develop my guy. there's only so many generic fluff and filler (and porn) vids you can drop before it becomes stale. and the plot can be good. idk, feels like he's pandering to the majority, which is a shame cause i like the plot driven shit a fair bit. but then it vanishes into nothing and has no impact. rip ig.

.

[hanasnx]

I adore your blog!! I check it regularly 🫧and I’d like to share my thoughts on protective Ani with you (and of course you don’t have to share this)

Idk I see Anakin constantly debating whether or not he’s overreacting and if he should jump in and protect the reader from whatever. because even though he’s got his insecure and possessive side I see him holding so much respect and viewing the reader as capable to fend for themselves in certain situations (even if the reader might not be a Jedi, at least that’s what I imagine) However it’s canon that he has the fear of losing those closest to him, right…. I think this would cause him to be smothering to an extend. Like he is so force sensitive and has a good feeling about the future, but obviously that would not go well with the fact that he’s afraid of losing the reader. I imagine him as always having an arm around his lover at least when it’s in a setting where can he can do so. Ani would always use the opportunities he’d get to be close to the reader… even when sleeping, Ani would be glued onto his love (both as big and little spoon) I also seeing him justifying his jealously with the excuse of being protective, when he can play it of that is Lmao. “He gave off a weird vibe okay?“ “Im not sure, he seemed perfectly normal to me“ “You know that im very force sensitive, I sense that kind of stuff instantly..” “….Riight” “Right.” And if the reader was somehow hurt, he would stay close by their side until they were feeling better Im sure. overall he gives me “he protect he attack” vibes, however he’d hold back as he knew the reader wouldn’t be a fan on that last part, although not always👀

☥ honestly ur right. i like how you described it as “smothering to an extent” i feel like he thinks it’s just his way of loving on you, caring for you, keeping you safe. and then he starts realizing what he’s doing and getting anxious over how it’s affecting you and how he’s doing too much but he can’t stop? i imagine its like a compulsion. if he doesnt do this then xyz happens. if he ignores it, it just gets louder

☥ he would wanna touch you whenever it’s an appropriate setting. he just gives me major PDA-lover vibes as well. (like when he reunited with padme in rots and he was kissing up on her while she was like “not here!” “yes here” OOOOO)

☥ youd have to keep him in check tbh but its hard when he just worries so easily

☥ and when you do get hurt, it takes some convincing that its not his fault. but he is def the type to stay with you while you recover from your major injury

☥ im sorry to make every post of mine horny but can you imagine him kissing up on you feverishly while youre recovering in the medical bay, “thought i’d lose you,”

“i’m fine, ani,” letting him kiss your cheeks, lips, forehead, jawline, neck. his wandering hands hungrily gripping onto whatever he could

“let me check, just to be sure,” he says playfully, tugging at the strings of your top

“well if thats the only thing that’ll help you feel better..”

checking to make sure his prized pussy is okay by probing it with his dick in different positions— gotta ensure it’s still working properly… still feels good..

[de4dlyniightshade]

heyy :) erm im gonna fangirl really quick and then the request will be at the end incase you wanna skip to that part or anything, lol. okay so this is very much unnecessary and unasked for and blah blah but i don't care! i believe writers need to hear how much we appreciate them and their works because whew mama! ive been trying to write fics for like months and it actually is so horrible. i genuinely start to angrily vibrate bc my thoughts don't flow on the notes app. but i just wanted to say, nightshade, (ehehe that's so cheeky and silly for some reason) that i reallyyy love your work. its actually like horrific how much your writing just makes me so 😜😊🤭 i know you're not like a celebrity or anything, so it's gonna be weird with this like mini parasocial relationship thing, but please know your work has an impact !! a few months ago, i did something extremely bad and out of character while i was spiraling, and i decided that the best decision for me would be to quit using social media. (and beforehand i had quit using tiktok for like 7 months already and i wasn't that addicted to my phone but i still was consuming negative media) so, ofc, i stopped completely for a good month or so and only ever using youtube every now and then. buttttt, one of the first social media platforms i came back to first... was tumblr! it's actually so silly too because i only used tumblr like 4 times beforehand so i was quite new. but anyway anyway (im a yapper UGH) i really found that your posts had made me feel happy :) idk they kinda reminded me of myself before i went big bad that one time and it made me inspired to go back to how i used to be... u get me?? you're writing literally haunts my brain oh my lord it should be illegal to read your stuff because afterwards i literally have this crazy ass urge to read more and more and more. im lowkey an addict cause i be having my deadlynightshade withdrawals. the way you write is just so 😫 gosh, it's beautiful. i also love ur sillyness because like ME TOO. your random little posts are so me coded and i love it. YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😭 uhmm i just wanted to say thanks for being super cool and talented because believe it or not, the stuff you put out makes me really happy! (that was so melodramatic like mf they write about spencer being a pathetic pussy drunk bitch why are you saying it changed ur life?? its true tho.) erm yeah that's the end of that part i just again wanted to thank you 🙏 i wish we were friends SO BAD like you're actually awesome what the fuck.... but like how do u even become friends w ppl?? LMAO ERM ANYWAY 😍 can you write a blurb or h.c or something (honestly anything will make me happy) about valentine's day?? 🤭 basically spencer being SO FUCKING SHY because you can't stop touching his hands or hair subtly or like kissing his cheek leaving marks from lipstick or like getting him his favorite snacks/drinks/books/textures/ basically a gift that made u think about him?? ugh or him doing the same with you like him being the best fucking nerd boy ever and spoiling you so much like he goes ape shit spending well over his funds limit but it's worth it because it's you? or like sweet soft cutie pie sex? at the end of the day and he's like... Erm.. Pussy for 1 please! you were so pretty today... You always are-! (I'm mentally ill and writing this at 8:37 pm on a thursday night.)

this is. the sweetest shit anyone has ever said to me i actually cried ngl to you.

i'm genuinely so thankful for the little community i have created here i never expected such an insane amount of positivity and love from people just for the whack ass shit i write but that's probably just my perpetual self hatred and disbelief that people enjoy anything about me🤞

i think it's crazy how people on the internet who have never met me, don't know me, what i look like, or anything can treat me better than any of my friends have and i'll always be thankful for that.

ALSO! i love being called funny pls kiss me i never think i'm actually funny istg

i was also planning on writing a valentines fic ALREADY but this made me wanna write it even more as a thank you for this message it genuinely made my week(can't promise it ON TIME for valentines but i can try!)

i'm also so glad that my work and blog makes you happy, there's no privilege greater than making someone smile even when they don't feel like it</3

[youryanderedaddy]

Imagine a yandere ghost who is cursed is trapped in the doll, so one day a family came to live in his house, but what the ghost did not expect is to fall in love with the couple's eldest daughter. Maybe this yandere ghost (doll) use the younger brother to get closer to his beloved...

I didn't really include the doll, but the overall idea is here ;)

Tw: nsfw, non - con, underage sex? (The reader is meant to be around 18, her brother is 16 - 17, but the ghost is 100+ so idk), (technically) incest, ghosts, possession, possessive/obsessive behavior, slight parental neglect ig

You knew it was a mistake moving into the old house up the hill. You tried arguing with your parents so many times about the mansion being hidden in the woods, so far away from any civilization, bringing up the fact it hadn't been bought for the last 8 years despite the insanely low price or the news about the previous owners dying in their sleep just like that, from "natural causes" even though they were an young energetic couple. But of course your worries had been discarded so easily since your younger siblings were ecstatic, constantly talking about finally living in a castle, which was obviously pushing it too far, but kids will be kids.

Your family was big, consisting of your mother, father, two younger sisters and a brother currently in his late teens. Your siblings managed to take all the nice bright rooms on the second floor so you were forced to sleep in the attic. At first it didn't seem so bad, yes, the place was dark and dusty, the space was limited, but it was a quiet spot and there were many interesting things left there to explore and discover.

The first week you discovered a huge box full of old books, medals, notebooks and different souvenirs from all over the world. The second week you found a few paintings covered by a thin disheveled cloak, most of them depicting a pretty young boy with golden locks and sad green eyes, dresses in an expensive silky clothing resembling what was nowadays considered an elegant suit. You didn't pay it much mind yet the miserable longing gaze of the kid haunted your dreams in the following days.

During the third week you noticed that things were going missing one by one. First it was your favorite lipstick, then your new dress, and suddenly your favorite items were gone just like that. On top of all, almost as if fate was tickling your paranoia, you could hear certain sounds at night that were too distorted be natural and too human to belong to an animal. There were sobs, loud and tormented, sometimes you could make up a few words in a language no one spoke anymore. You slept less and less each night, you could swear you felt someone's lingering touch on your shoulders, them gently stroking your hair and even pressing their cold unmoving lips on yours. This was usually the point when you opened your eyes and screamed in fear only to realize you were alone in the room. There was nobody there.

Still you decided to speak with your parents about the creepy events taking place in the attic. Much to your dismay they brushed your concerns off once again, laughing softly and calling you a scaredy - cat, going as far as to joke around about your "oh so creative" imagination getting the best of you just like it did in your childhood. But this time you insisted on holding your ground, almost begging them to take action and help you. At the end your mother decided to let you sleep in your brother's room for a while until you calm down, and as embarrassing it was to share a room with a hormonal teen, it was better than constantly being on the edge and losing sleep. Or so you thought.

The first night you slept in Steve's room nothing out of the ordinary happened and for the first time in weeks you actually managed to rest. The second night was blissfully peaceful as well and you quickly fell into a deep dreamless slumber.

The third night started well, just like the previous two. Your brother was tired from studying all day and went to bed early, giving you the freedom to relax a little bit before following his example. You could read a book or try to revise for your exam tomorrow, maybe even call your bestfriend and finally let her know all about your new classmates and just how boring life in the village was. But in that moment all these suggestion sounded annoying, nothing was interesting enough to hold your interest for more than a minute. Thinking about what to do next, you suddenly became aware that your body was tense and tired, but your mind was restless. After all you hadn't had time for self - care between the paranoia episodes and the fear, maybe it was finally time to do something nice and therapeutic for yourself.

You snatched a quick look at Steve and he was sleeping soundly, snoring from time to time, his usually angry face now calm and childlike. Making sure there was no one in the room awake, you finally slipped a hand down your pajama bottom until you felt the soft fabric of your panties. You closed your eyes and run a finger up and down your clothed sex, following the line of your slit. Your pussy throbbed at the sudden contact, the lack of pleasure in the last few weeks making it sensitive to the touch. You pushed your underwear lower so it hanged around your legs, and shoved one finger into your warm hole, enjoy the way your walls clenched around the digit. You flicked your clit gently, feeling it swell from the arousal, rubbing slow circles and pressing on your sweet spot every once in a while.

Your free hand went to your breasts, bare under the comfy oversized shirt, and awoke the cherry nipples with subtle pinches causing them to harden. You couldn't help but moan quietly as you decreased the pace of which you teased your hole and added a second finger in your pussy, fucking yourself on it. You were so focused on chasing your pleasure you didn't even notice the hand on your thigh pulling your own away from your excited throbbing core and replacing it with a big hard cock. Only once its head reached your tight entrance and pressed on it did your mind register the atrocious size difference. Your words stilled in your throat, the sudden panic rising in your chest, making your vision blurry and your cheeks rosy pink. You finally opened your eyes, your heart racing at the image of your younger brother towering above you with his member so close to entering your heat.

"Steve, what are you doing?" You whispered as you tried to squirm away from the boy, but he was quicker in pinning your wrists above your head in a deadlock. When did the male become so strong? Just yesterday he would ask you to open up his water bottle and help him with his math homework and now he was doing this...

"My name is Henry, my love." The voice was different from your brother's, lower and huskier, gentler in a way. You narrowed your eyes and observed the teenager's face, gasping as you noticed that his eyes had changed from black to green, yet all his other features had stayed stayed the same. You wanted to ask so many questions - who is Henry, why were your sibling's eyes and voice different from before - but you were quickly shut by one stern gaze. "I used to live here 80 years ago." The stranger started off with an unexpectedly soft tone as his grip on your wrists loosened. "I'm a ghost. I possessed your brother." He confessed calmly while you watched his pink lips part slightly with each breath as if you were in a trance before you found the strength to break your silence.

"Why are doing this to me? Why did you take my brother's body?" You questioned him manically, feeling like a confused little lamb sent to the slaughter, trembling and stuttering in front of a knife. Henry simply chuckled at your adorable dumbfounded expression and lowered his torso until his face was mere inches away from yours and you could feel his ice - cold breath on your warm red cheek. "Because I love you, darling." The ghost replied with a confident smirk that looked so weird and unnatural on the younger boy's face you almost gagged. Before you had the chance to say anything, he continued. "I've been wanting you for a while now, little girl. And with this body I can finally have you all to myself." You opened your mouth in a protest but your screams were easily muffled by a harsh kiss and a wet tongue down your throat. Next thing you knew the man had pushed your brother's manhood into your wet sloppy cunt in one sharp thurst and in your despair you had yelled for help once again, the ghost taking your whimpers greedily and shushing them away. Struggling was pointless.

In the next hour you were reduced to a sweaty whimpering mess of pain and arousal, fear and pleasure. The ghost was fucking you in a fast brutal pace while his free hand was playing with your clit, bringing you so damn close but never enough to send you over the edge. You were crying and your whole body was aching, your tits red from the rough manhandlind, your lips bruised and swollen from the rough kisses and bites. There were purple hickeys adorning your neck, belly and thighs and you went quiet in embarrassment every time you wondered how you would be able to hide them the next day.

"Please, whoever you are, let me come, I'm begging you." You pleaded desperately as you arched your back to meet the next couple of deep thrusts. Your cheeks were wet with tears and you could even taste the bitter salty flavor in your mouth mixed with your own drool and saliva. Upon hearing your meek pleas the man mercifully started hitting your cervix with each shove until his moves became sharp and quick, targeting your g-spot. You were so close you could feel your abdomen clench and tighten from the tingling sensitations. "Please..." You uttered weakly again, making doe eyes at your brother.

"Say you love me. Tie your soul to mine forever and I'll give you exactly what you want, beloved." Henry basically growled in your ear as he groped your breasts, squizing lightly the soft flesh. Your mind was so hazy and clouded you weren't sure how to respond so you just repeated the words easiest to grasp. "Love... you... forever, ngggh..." You muttered under your breath before moaning wantonly when the forceful thrusts finally sent you over the edge and your pussy clamped down in a big, satisfying orgasm. Your bliss was short - lived because soon the ghost was pounding into you again and again, keeping you too tired to move, struggle or even speak properly besides whimpering every once in a while. The rest of the night was a blur but eventually you fell asleep from the exhausting and the pleasure.

You woke up sore, your eyes red and puffy, your muscles tense and unnatentive. You rushed to look at your brother, but the teenager was sleeping just as peacefully as he did eight hours ago. One side of you was more than glad to know everything that had happened was simply a bad, terrible dream, while the other one still felt extremely uncomfortable and uneasy. You couldn't bear staying in the room any longer so you got dressed and went into the hall. Everyone else was still asleep and you felt as restless as if you hadn't caught a blink at all. You finally gave in to your paranoia and climbed the stars leading to the third floor.

You knelt on the ground where you had found the beautiful paintings. Those green eyes from your dream seemed way too familiar for it to be a coincidence. When you finally got a hold of your favorite piece, the one with the sad young boy, you had to cover your mouth to suppress the shock. There wasn't an aristocrat with golden locks on the picture anymore.

Now the one trapped in the painting was none other than you own brother, Steve. Instead of misery and pain in mysterious blue eyes, there was only terror in his tormented black ones. You screamed for the last time before you dropped the picture on the ground and ran away from the attic, the tears streaming down your face, but unfortunately, there was no escape from the restless dead souls.

[brainmaniaman]

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER (Bertolt Hoover/Reader)

TITLE: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER PAIRING: bertolt hoover/reader, light choking(?) TAGS: semi-public sex, female-bodied reader TRIGGER WARNINGS?: kind of mean and unhealthy y/n interactions (very light) w baby bertolt but on god it's part of the plot, very slight dubcon? idk if it can be interpreted that way but it's tagged for safety AU: idk modern au b/c i fuck hard with those DECSRIPTION: yes i believe in bottom bertolt supremacy but one of my friends gave me this idea like okay hear me out, y/n has been straight up blue-balling her boyfriend for quite some time, and it's getting frustrating, so he swallows his nervousness and, per suggestion of his good friend eren, decides to make even in the middle of the movie theater. by the way i am TIRED of everyone having eren hating on bertolt they would be GOOD FRIENDS in a modern au. WORD COUNT: 2,233

"Hey, Eren . . . I have a question" Bertolt looked like he was going to crawl out of his skin as he sat on the opposite end of the couch in the basement, his hands resting on his knees as he fiddled with his fingers.

"Shoot" Said Eren Yeager, pulling his hair back into a messy bun - his fingers expertly tying a small scrunchie into his hair. Jean had teased him about using scrunchies relentlessly - but Eren would die on the hill that using them was better for your hair; the last thing he wanted was for his hair to fall out.

"I, uh . . ." Bertolt's face was turning red, his nose scrunched as he stared at his knees, trying to figure out how to breach the subject. "So you know that y/n and I have been . . . you know, dating for quite some time . . ."

"Yeah . . .?" Eren drawled lazily, leaning his elbows on his knees as he played lazily on his phone, his thumbs typing away. For the most part, he seemed uninterested. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well, you know with dating comes . . . s-" Bertolt paused, now pressing his knuckles together tightly.

"Sex?"

"Yeah, that"

"Well, we've been having it a lot lately . . ."

"Are you just sitting me down to brag about your sex life . . .?" Eren inquired, raising an eyebrow - not that Eren was one to judge as he was often guilty of spilling his guts about his sexual escapades. But with Bertolt? . . . Well, it felt weird and out of place.

"N-No!" was Bertolt's immediately response. "It's not that. It's just lately, well . . ."

"Lately what? Spit it out. I don't have all day." Eren responded, looking down at his phone that was currently blowing up. He had a date coming up soon and he was relatively excited for it.

"Well . . . usually, y/n is, you know, on top . . . you know, more assertive -"

"I mean you didn't have to tell me that" Eren interrupted, "We all knew that -"

"- anyways" Bertolt's face was turning hot at the comment. He didn't have the time to really address Eren's comment. "I like it! I do! But lately, I've been thinking well, I'd like to take control . . ."

"Oh?" Eren's ears perked up and he was wriggling his way closer to Bertolt. "So you took control and they didn't like it, and now you're asking me for help?"

"No . . . not exactly."

"Then what happened?"

"Well, I asked them if they'd be willing to you know . . . switch it up and -"

"Jesus fuck, Bert. You can't just ask you have to just do -"

". . . and well, they laughed in my face, pat my cheek, and said no. I asked Reiner what to do and Reiner said to tell them I wasn't going to have sex until they gave me what I want. I thought it was a bad idea, but I went with it anyways and . . . well, they told me that two could play at that game and it's been . . ."

"How long has it been?"

"Uh . . ." Bertolt squirmed a bit in his place, "Two weeks. . ."

"Two weeks!" Eren exclaimed incredulously, in sheer disbelief. "That's insane! And you've just let them get away with it for this long?"

"Uh . . ." Bertolt scratched the back of his neck nervously, "What do you mean by get away with it? I mean . . . yeah . . .? What else am I supposed to do?"

"Well firstly," Eren said, picking up his phone, "Never ask Reiner for advice again. That was your first mistake. Secondly, let me cancel my date tonight -"

"Oh, no - you don't have to do that!" Bertolt responded quickly, "Just a few pieces of advice would be sufficient . . ."

Eren tapped away tirelessly at his phone before turning it face-down on the coffee table, now turning towards Bertolt - a rather determined look in his eyes.

"No -" Eren held up a hand, "I want to help. Besides, I'm going to tell you exactly what to do and we're going to run over it a few times, then - I'm going to make sure you don't pussy out. Knowing you, this is going to take a while. Consider it my early birthday present to you"

"My birthday was a month ago . . ."

"That's not the point. Anyways," Eren placed a very serious hand on his friend's shoulder, pulling Bertolt closer, "You're going to want to take her to the most popular movie in theaters on a Saturday night -"

"Where are you going with this?"

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Seeing how packed the movie theater was, Bertolt was definitely thinking about backing out of it. While his partner was in the restroom, presumably washing their hands, he fiddled with his phone in his hands.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

To: Eren Yeager

From: Bertolt Hoover

- I don't know if this is a good idea . . .

Read: 9:45 pm

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From: Eren Yeager

To: Bertolt Hoover

- If you don't go through with this I'll never forgive you. I canceled a date to prep you on this. Don't make me have canceled my date in vain. I dedicated my heart to this cause.

Read: 9:47 pm

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To: Eren Yeager

From: Bertolt Hoover

- I guess . . .

Read: 9:48 pm

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

To: Bertolt Hoover

From: Eren Yeager

- I'm putting my upmost faith and trust in you. Don't fuck this up.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

"Here -" Bertolt extended his arms out to you as you came back from the restroom and concessions, a bag of candy in your hands, "I brought this for you."

His smile was innocent enough and the gesture was kind.

"Thank you." Was your tart response as you leaned over to pat the side of his face and press a kiss to his forehead before sitting down. "So have you changed your mind about what you asked for?" You inquired, taking his hand in your own as you opened your bag of candy and set it between the two of you as you linked your fingers in his own. Perhaps you shouldn't have brought up that topic of conversation here, on a movie date, but you couldn't help it - the way his big eyes looked up at you when he handed you the blanket drove you crazy. It made you want to lower yourself on him right then and there. It was just a damn shame that he had to be so persistent. The first week was easy enough but as you rounded out the second week of this no-sex stalemate . . . well, it was getting more difficult.

He openly frowned.

"Is that a no?"

"Do we have to have this conversation here? Let's just try to have a good night . . ."

You felt a bit guilty but were never the type who was keen on saying sorry.

"We'll talk about it later, then . . ." You responded dryly, clearly unhappy with the response.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

To be honest, when Bertolt had suggested watching one of the like, seven hundred Quentin Tarentino movies produced, you were slightly surprised. He was never one for big action movies - especially loud ones; loud noises were often too intense for him. As well as that, neither of you were into mindless action movies. However, this - whatever the hell this was - was actually quite enjoyable.

Halfway through the movie, you found yourself sucked into a particularly loud action scene.

You hadn't really noticed, or particularly cared, when Bertolt had slipped his hand underneath the blanket - resting his palm on your knee. It was kind of comforting.

You hadn't really noticed when he slipped his hand from the top of your knee to the inside of your knee, either.

Or when he inched it up halfway up your thigh.

However, you had noticed when his hand was slipping up your skirt, resting on the upmost part of your thigh where the muscle met the pelvis. For a second, you wondered if he was really trying to pull moves right here, in a movie theater, underneath this blanket - but when you looked over, noticing how tense and uncomfortable he was, you figured if he was, he wasn't going to go through with it - but settled on the notion that he probably wasn't even thinking about it.

A few moments passed by before you felt the tip of his finger press against your panties. There was a moment of tense surprise as your head snapped to look at your boyfriend, your expression narrowing - almost as though you were daring him to push further. You couldn't tell if he was embarrassed or not, but by the way he looked directly at the screen - you could tell he was at the very least a bit flustered.

If that was this case, this pathetic excuse for a mutiny would be over soon.

He drug the pad of his finger around your clothed clitoris gently, teasing it. You felt your abdomen jerk and dropped your hands onto his over the blanket, trying to hold them in place.

Bertolt's thin finger continued to tease around your clit before sliding downwards, continuing to rub over the fabric of your panties before pushing them slightly to the side. His face was hot with nervousness but the adrenaline of the entire situation was rushing to his head.

He continued to train his eyes on the screen in front of him, pretending to be invested in seeing the seventh car crash of the night. While his eyes were on the screen, his finger was sliding up and down your slit, slick from how wet you were. Bertolt wondered - what expression were you making right now? Was your face twisting up in confusion and frustration? Was your mouth forming into a little O?

You pressed your thighs together, your hands now squeezing at the armrests of the chair, squirming. Your heart raced and you pressed your head back into the chair, biting down on your lip as his finger slid its way back up to your clit, gently rubbing at it. Bertolt couldn't hear anything over the sound of cars crashing into each other, but he could certainly imagine how lewd you sounded - it only made sense, considering the fact that you were simply dripping.

Without much warning, Bertolt slipped his finger into you.

Head swimming, you let out a very small moan.

Finally, he turned his head to you.

"Are you okay?" He whispered. The question seemed innocent enough, but given that he was currently one knuckle deep into your cunt, his finger sliding in and out of you and curling, thumb pressing against your clit, you couldn't help but feel irritated with the question.

"Ber-" You let your head loll over to face him, face flushed red and and mouth slightly agape, though found yourself incapable of finishing the sentence as he slipped in a second finger.

The sight of your eyes half-lidded and your tongue poking out between your lips, which were parted gently, and the overall look of pathetic helplessness you gave him was almost too much. If the two of you weren't in a packed theater, he would have rolled you underneath him, torn off your panties, and fucked you underneath your skirt then and there. But for now, he'd have to settle for sliding his fingers back and forth against the inside of your gummy walls, which were tightening against him.

"Shh." He placed a finger to your lips. "The movie is still going. Try to keep quiet." His finger muffled the small gasps and groans you were breathing out. "Here - try this" He slipped a piece of candy in your mouth. "Good, no?"

He refrained from sliding his fingers into your mouth then and there.

As his fingers rocked in and out of you, you bit down on the candy to stifle the moans and gasps. For a second, you thought you were going to choke - but managed to swallow just fine.

Bertolt looked away, once more training his eyes on the movie. Pleasure pooled at the bottom of your stomach and very gently and discreetly, you began to grind your hips into his fingers.

"That's different." He mumbled to himself.

The second time he turned to look over at you, he could see tears forming at the corner of your eyes as you struggled to discreetly grind your hips against his fingers, seeking out an orgasm, but couldn't quite find the pace your body needed without being blatantly obvious.

The only thing you could do was close your eyes and tilted your head back as Bertolt curled his fingers in you - the pace quickening.

Your heartrate grew faster and you could feel his lips press at the shell of your ear.

What was it that Eren said to add? he thought, that's right -

Breath hot on your ear, he rasped out a simple question.

"Tell me, do you deserve it?" Truthfully, he felt awkward saying it - as though the words didn't quite come out of his mouth. You must have disagreed though, because the only thing you could mutter out in response was -

"Y-Yes"

You were starting to reach the edge of your orgasm, your head pressed against his own, back arching gently, as he pressed his face into your neck. Legs shaking, you sucked in a deep breath and -

His fingers slipped out of you and he took a moment to wipe them off on the insides of the blanket before linking his fingers in your own, leaving you a rattled, shaking, frustrated mess - completely unraveled before him as you tried to catch your breath.

"I don't think you do. We'll talk about it later."

[expired-monster-craft-smp]

Vibes Dream SMP members give off (in my opinion)

Dream

Barked at people in high school ironically but it became unironic real quick

Can’t cook very well but is good with a knife, especially at a fast pace

One of those kids who either purposely spells the first word wrong in a spelling bee to just be done with it right away or tries the hardest and manages to win (there is no inbetween for this heathen)

Bites ice cream with his teeth

Has snorted pixie stix far too many times and sneezed blue after each time

Eats bananas with the peels

Wears mismatched socks

Has taken a bite out of a pool noodle because he liked the texture and impulsively bit it (ADHD things✨😌)

Walks around looking extremely high but he’s just spacin out and stuck in his head

Dreams (lmao) in Minecraft and video games in general

Will flirt with anything that moves but has no idea how to respond to compliments

Makes fun of himself first before anyone else can

Has eaten an orange peel and it wasn’t that bad in his humble opinion

Wears khaki shorts

Eats the wax part of the baby bell cheese

Doesn’t actually know what genre his music taste is cause he vibes to everything

Georgenotfound

Picks at the skin on his lip when it’s dry so it bleeds and he tries not to give in by licking his lips often enough to the point where it became a habit

Wears velcro shoes because he doesn’t feel like tying them (he knows how, he just doesn’t wanna do it)

Eats peanut butter straight from the jar

Makes that disgusting “ants on a log” thing (celery stick filled with peanut butter topped with a row of raisins)

Can’t drink milk plain, it’s gotta have some sort of flavour

Can draw a perfect straight line but his circles look Terrible

Eats cheez-its like cereal without milk

Loves making little noises so much like he walks around his house doin chores and he’s just goin “memememenownownwnkwkshskshkshskhs”

Hates wearing socks

Coloured his tongue with highlighters because they’re non-toxic

Constantly tapping his feet and hands to a song/beat playing in his head

I can’t imagine this man using a bike of any sort, so Imma say he doesn’t know how

Can’t be licked by dogs because he’s used to being licked by his cat so it makes him uncomfortable

Can actually sing pretty well but gets real nervous in front of people so he fucks it up

Sapnap

No idea how to cook anything other than Mac and cheese please help this man

Meows at cats because he wants to confuse them and laughs Way too hard when he does (his laugh is like sunshine so I’ll allow it)

Would be fantastic at braiding hair Idk why

Gives the BEST fuckin hugs EVER

When singing, he makes noises for the instrumental parts too

Wanted to play the drums at one point

Really likes pit bulls but he’s more of a cat person so he loves them from afar

Only vaguely knows how to shave his face properly without hurting himself

Opportunities for him come up out of pure luck but mans is skilled for them so it works out well almost Always

Used to or currently has a skateboard and isn’t too bad

ALWAYS has bruises appearing everywhere for no reason, he doesn’t even know where 90% of them are from

Calls his friends twinks to jokingly bully them and gets away with it because he himself is not a twink

Gets sudden bursts of energy in the middle of the night and just shimmies around a bit to try and deal with it

Favours spearmint over peppermint

Arsonist

Banned from three (3) Dave & Busters in Texas

Badboyhalo

Washes his hands after doing literally anything

Likes the bird exhibits at the zoo (specifically the penguins)

Very good at cooking, best at soups and stews

If he painted his nails they would definitely be a baby blue

Overthinks very simple things and it makes him look less smart than he actually is

Drinks tap water

Probably prefers whiskey over beer

Knows how to tap dance a bit

Surprisingly good at taking and handling shots

Steady hands

Adds extra chocolate to hot chocolate

Plays sudoku and is really really good at it (only uses pen when he plays)

Everytime he sees a Himalayan salt lamp he NEEDS to lick it despite knowing it’s very salty and he’ll pull a face afterwards

Not great at Rock Paper Scissors

Wears sunglasses inside for no reason at all, he just,,,Does

Still has a stuffed animal from childhood perched on his bed

Probably tried his hand at archery

Tommyinnit

He has no idea how to use a baby voice on children or animals, so he just talks to them normally

Wears socks to bed

His fingers are double jointed

Always starts twitching if he stays still for too long because he’s gotta move around

His shoes and have different laces and it bothers everyone but himself

Doodles on himself in class when he’s bored or not paying attention

Has really good hearing, both with pitch and volume

Can’t eat tomato’s by themselves, it’s either gotta be in sauce form or with something else

FUCKING LOVES STRING CHEESE

Terrible handwriting

Favourite part of a slice of bread is the crust

Wants to paint his nails black to be cool and edgy but his hands are far from steady and he has no clue how to paint nails

Pretty affectionate with close friends (like Tubbo and Wilbur) off stream/camera

He likes pears for some reason

Wilbur Soot

Is constantly having to decide between leaving his hair as is or shaving all of it off

He also thinks about adding some colour but never actually does

Most tea is gross to him

Everytime he puts a breath mint thats circular in his mouth, he pretends it’s a pill and he’s taking drugs because he thinks that’s funny

He does that vacant state as a joke but that really what he looks like when he’s spacing out

Likes to aggressively flirt with his male friends but if his female friends flirt with him, he gets a bit flustered

Has probably accidentally swallowed a guitar pick

Once drank two entire jars of pickle juice

Bonks his head on anything and everything

He has broken a pair of glasses by walking face first into a pole outside

Thinks kinetic sand is fun

Has passionate arguments with others about trivial and random topics like chicken feet

Can open a beer bottle with his teeth

Would accidentally pop and swallow a bracket if he had braces

Tubbo

Hates sharp cheddar cheese

Everytime he learns a new word it’s in every sentence he says for the next week or so

Ate candle wax for a dare once

Doesn’t know how to tie a tie and will probably never learn

Wanted to do ballet at one point but decided not to

He has eaten multiple flowers for absolutely no reason other than wanting to know how they taste

Starts vibrating if he’s too excited

Used to bite his nails

ABSOLUTELY DESPISES MUSTARD

Has eaten paper and says it doesn’t taste that bad

Enjoys telling his friends how much they mean to him (this has resulted in Tommy and Wilbur crying on a few seperate occasions)

Spaces out a lot and doesn’t often pay attention to his surroundings

Gets lost inside of Best Buy’s

Likes s’mores but doesn’t properly understand how to make them

Technoblade

Learned to cook purely out of spite and found it’s actually pretty fun

Constantly getting smacked in the face by trees when walking outside

Really likes apple pie

Everytime he looks at potatoes he thinks of all the hours he spent trying to win the potato war

Starts things as a joke and gets too into it

Doesn’t like the taste of most energy drinks

Has rubbed salt and lemon juice into an open wound to just,,see how it felt (he did it once and Hated it but did it again because he forgot what it felt like)

Sometimes hates how quiet he is because everyone he knows is loud and talks over him

Despite how he is portrayed in the Dream SMP, he is extremely loyal to his friends and would kill for them

Over seasons his food because he can’t taste it otherwise

Really good balance

Doesn’t like to wear bright colours, but still enjoys wearing colours

Good at knitting

Quackity

Actually fairly quiet when off camera

Will accidentally use Spanish grammar while speaking English sometimes

Country music confuses him

Doesn’t really like kids but they really like him

Can’t dance

Hardest drugs he’s ever done is second hand smoke from a cigarette and children’s Tylenol

His favourite jolly ranchers are the red and blue ones

He uses lighters as fidget toys basically

Will have a breakdown, take a bubble bath, and call himself the self care king

Dehydrated

Wants a pet rat but he already has a cat and doesn’t wanna risk anything

Constantly questions why his main source of income is playing Minecraft with two 16 year olds

Karl Jacobs

Probably ate a spider once

Would wear those socks that are like gloves for you feet where it separates all the toes

Eats ravioli straight from the can, cold

Can answer an incredibly complex math equation fairly easily but will stumble over 12x11

Loves kids so much and speaks to them in a soft voice

Tried making ramen in a coffee pot and broke it

Drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day on average

Likes to open walnuts with his teeth but doesn’t actually eat them

The embodiment of that one John Maulany joke where he says you could spill soup in his lap and HE’D apologize to YOU

Loves physical affection so so much!!!!

If he moves his wrists in a certain way, they pop Really Loudly

Fantastic at making cookies

Fundy

Lowkey actually a furry but more on like, a cat boy level than fursuit level

Drives a Honda Civic

Likes ABBA

Adds parsley to almost anything he makes food-wise

Loves garlic bread so much, he’d commit a federal crime for it

Middle child vibes

Decent at skiing

Good at singing but isn’t terribly confident

Seems responsible at first glance but in reality he’s pretty chaotic and childish

Bad at spelling

Always cuts his nails way too short so they always feel weird/hurt

Likes bracelets and rings

Thinks pastel colours slap

JSchlatt

Despite the character he plays, he’s actually really sweet

He’s genuinely that cryptic off camera as he is on camera

Can cook but chooses not to most of the time

Would probably say “what pussy size you wear” to anyone who asks him to buy pads

Not actually as intimidating as he appears to be

Lowkey would fight a child

Shuts down when someone compliments him, often using aggression as a front because holy shit they just called him handsome and kind what the Fuck-

Jokingly says his license is suspended but in all actuality he never got his license in the first place

He has two (2) extra teeth but they don’t need to be removed so he kept them

Has a stick n poke of a stickman on his ankle he got in high school

Likes physics

This is already very long, and I still plan on adding more.

[jangofctts]

(sorry for the format i think but this is loNG WTF IS WRONG W ME ITS INCOHERENT I'M LOCKIN MYSELF UP OFF TO HORNY JAIL I GO) deadass when you nd the boys are days away from being back on coruscant and on shore leave for a minute bc the general got some weird jedi shit to deal with is when u become peak Brat™ like it is so bad even the resident brat fuse can't keep up, the whole squad is screaming, and no one can stop u (yet) like you love teasing the boys but this is next level annoying like lets say max asks u to do something to help him get ready to fuck off for leave and ur just like no💕 i will cause problems on purpose))) he isn't happy and keeps asking while doing other work, realizes he's getting nowhere, and starts w the vague threats “you won’t like what happens if u keep this up” or “you really don't want to do this right now" but u finally do a few things to help before u leave to annoy void bc that man doesn't deal w enough shenanigans apparently...

u help void for a bit but get bored when void is just doing inventory and requisitions asking you how much of this or that nd you start saying "not enough" or "a fuckton" and while he appreciates the honesty it's not helpful but you ask "can't a droid do inventory? they know how to count?" getting a snarky reply of "yeah unlike you" obviously fed up but u continue to annoy him maybe cause mischief w the boys if they're there? maybe get handsy? threaten stupidity? who knows but anything u do is gonna get an exasperated sigh and "i'm gonna tell max about this shit" but what is he gonna do? punish u? [narrator: he, in fact does just that] so this goes on for a while but at some point when you are like 10 hrs out from coruscant max herds u to his quarters but lo and behold it's not bc he needs someone to fix his datapad but bc ur in for the punishment of ur life lol this man must have been planning this since ur first bratty act bc he has a bunch of stuff laid out just for u))) seeing this, u turn on the sad puppy eyes/pouty face and the "but i can be a good girl for u" or "i'm sorry i was just antsy to get back let me make it up to you" but nothing is gonna work now especially when he puts u over his knee.

he's pulling ur pants down over ur ass, revealing ur going commando today and u give him the "whats wrong maxy?" over ur shoulder just before he starts ur punishment isn't he sweet? he only spanks you a few times bc ur real punishment is SO MUCH worse and u realize this when he ties ur hands together over ur head and ties ur ankles together too hmmmmm this was more than u bargained for and u keep pleading with max when he takes his armor and blacks off but he keeps saying "u did this to yourself baby" and that he "can't help now" because "u didn't listen earlier like a good girl" but once he gets situated on the bed u know ur in for it. he grabbed some lube from his drawer and slicked himself up while telling u that "u won't be enjoying this part but i think i will" as he takes a hold of ur legs and lining himself up with not ur entrance but between ur thighs right above ur clit bc surprise! this ass and thigh man is gonna go to town fucking ur thighs while just grazing ur clit every few strokes absolutely working u up but no where near enough to get u off just like he planned. max really does love a good thigh fucking and so do u but he's usually playing with ur clit teasing u until he hits home and fills u up right - this time none of that is happening. u keep whining which just eggs him on more to bully u with "good girls deserve my thick cock but u decided to be a brat hm?" and "brats don't get to cum last time i checked" until he loses his rhythm and shutters as he cums all over ur stomach. he slowly gets out between ur thighs and runs his hands through the mess but ur still whiny so he shushes u with cum slick fingers before he gets up to grab his comlink just leaving the rest to get sticky (so rude)

he calls up void nd hear him say "my hip is acting up could u come look at it later?" with "did ur dumb ass do something again? give me a bit i'll head over" in reply with no idea what is waiting for him when he comes through the door. u have no idea how long it'll b until void comes so u keep trying to plead ur case to max telling him ur "sorry for being annoying and bratty i learned my lesson can i cum now?" but getting a surprising "lets see what void thinks" in return. its at least half an hour until void opens the door to see u tied to max's bed and him hovering over u just taunting and playing with u as he sees fit but honestly at this point nothing can really truly shock void now but this peaked his interest. max tries to explain saying "she was being a br-" "a brat i know i didn't think it would end up like this but" void starts as he takes off his remaining armor and ur begging for SOMETHING since max was so mean not even going near ur pussy (again rude) but thankfully void isn't a sadist (today) and starts teasing u by running his fingers through ur folds, playing with ur clit, and starts opening u up for him.

once he gets u good and wet he starts slowly rocking into u while u keep begging for him to give u permission to cum but he says that "brats don't get to cum they just get used))))" and ur thinkin ur definitely not gonna be cumming anytime soon but this mf just goes straight to pound town w the week/month/whatever he's had and the bratting u've done lol and u start clenching trying to get a rise out of him or get him to say something, ANYTHING but void won't give u the satisfaction of hearing his usual dirty talk, no, this is his version of punishment just letting u hear and feel him fuck u faster as he approaches his orgasm not caring about yours (yet) just feeling u tighten around him until he can't handle it and cums deep inside u just staying there for a minute catching his breath and u think void is done but oh lord no he is very much not lol he unties ur ankles and goes straight for ur pussy eating u out and cleaning up the mess he made inside and out, rutting into the sheets and making u squirm like nothing else maybe max wanders back over to you too and helps him out idk i was just having thots (since everyone is whore knee for wrecker rn i remember sending a wrecker ask a million years ago i can send it again if u want also i have a short fuse thing for u so))))) love being a whore)

ok bye im gonna be checking myself into the fuckin hospital THIS IS PURE GOLD IM

wOw

[robotslenderman]

Eternal Hearts Liveblog, pt 1

Special thanks to @missn11​, who is probably mortified their name is associated with this travesty of a post, for letting me get my filthy little hands on this piece of embarrassing VTM history.

Okay guys, time to do the thing that’s gonna get me cancelled by fifteen-year-olds in the year 2032:

I’m gonna liveblog Eternal Hearts.

I once promised myself I would never make a rape joke, but today I break that vow because even the rape scenes are (sometimes) just that fucking ridiculous that I had to make fun of them.

This book is just.

Guys.

It’s GLORIOUS.

In the first twenty-four pages alone we have:

A guy is confronted by a locked door, so he whips his dick out. Everyone else acts like this is completely normal.

A guy meeting Final Death because a politician sat on his face. RIP in pieces Noah.

A mortal setting herself on fire, waving her arms around and running at a bunch of vampires yelling “DIE, YOU BASTARDS!”

A guy using his dick as a key ring. (Yeah, it’s the locked door guy.)

Lucita given the Hallowe’en treatment, in that she’s covered with sewage -- but sexy!

Daddy kink on top of the Washington monument.

Only some of the above makes sense in context. Some of it is as baffling in context as it is out of context.

This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read. Nobody told me about this when I went in holy shit.

Time to open this sucker up!

Liveblog under the cut!

DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT ETERNAL HEARTS IS, DO NOT READ THIS LIVEBLOG, HOLY SHIT.

You’re in for a ride, and it’s the edgiest, unsexiest ride ever.

First thing I notice: Eternal Hearts is, in fact, written by a woman. Which may mean that if she wanted to scare the shit out of her female readers, she'd know exactly how to do it.

gulp.

(^ I wrote that back when I thought I was gonna traumatise myself by reading this. OH BOY)

Next bit, the rape book is opened by the following foreword:

What follows is an essay that basically boils down to "no! :D but we wrote it anyway!”

Partway through that is this quote:

We’ll come back to that quote later. Several times, I predict.

Aaaand we open straight into a gang rape scene! Oh joy. And there’s church spires, to make it extra edgy.

Oh but then they give her the Kiss so she enjoys it! Yay!

Oh.

She's a shovelhead.

They never mentioned THIS part of the Sabbat recruitment process.

and now she's underground and buried and being raped again? Somehow. Like somebody’s got their entire goddamn fist in there. While under six feet of dirt. I know someone’s got their entire damn fist in there because the Shovelhead’s thinking about how somebody got their entire goddamn fist in there.

(Yeah this is the bit I had to make jokes about because it was that fucking ridiculous. I started this out trying to be respectful. I failed. Miserably. I just can’t fucking do it this is too -- too -- Eternal Hearts-y.)

Like the author just turned to the other people in the credits page and pitched this idea: “guys. Hear me out. What do you think is scarier than being raped or being buried alive?”

“idk what?”

“being raped after being buried alive!”

“That’s a GREAT idea!”

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” Remember that quote? Thank god for that.)

Jean - for that is our poor Shovelhead's name, RIP - seems only mildly concerned about the rape. and the fact it’s still happening.

Like yeah, serious talk, putting my respectful hat on: to be fair, everyone responds to trauma differently. You know how I respond to trauma? I make jokes about it. Like I’m the kind of person to say “what are you gonna do, STAB ME?” for the lols when a guy is pointing a knife at me.

Okay, respectful hat back off, back to edgy humour.

Anyway she’s being fisted by somebody while also six feet underground, somehow, and daydreaming about the guy she’s stalking and about how she’s in love with him, hmm, maybe he had something to do with it? She’s not entirely sure.

(ETA: So an anonymous Discord friend was reading my liveblog and said this:

and I laughed so hard my dog actually pawed at me because she was worried.

Yeah, I’m going to hell, but at least I know I’m taking you guys with me.)

Anyway she starts digging her way out, and I guess she’s still being fisted while she’s digging her way out???? IDK they didn’t say it stopped??? Like that’s gotta make digging your way out difficult.

And then cut to Lucita!

Walking past a protest outside a sex shop. There’s a bunch of Christian protestors outside because they’re bored or something. We get straight back into rapiness with a Dominate:

Damn Lucita, if jizzing your own brains isn't the hottest image you can give a guy, I don't know how what is.

Lucita decides to snack instead of raping him, but does sexually assault him by taking his dick from his pants and leaving it in his hand when he’s unconscious.

Lucita walks into a meeting at a brothel. There are “slaves”. I’m not sure if they’re sex slaves or if they’re actually ghouls, but then again, this is Eternal Hearts so probably both.

She expects Pieterzoon to be there, but he's not. When the others start talking like he's missing, she is completely unconcerned and immediately starts talking as if she knows he's missing.

They move on. Pieterzoon has paid Lucita to assassinate Marcus Vitel. Good fucking luck with that one. Everyone at the meeting is trying to stop her from doing it. Lucita’s like “tough shit he’s already paid me bitch is gonna die”.

Also the Brujah woman present is apparently this scene’s titillation or something because the author loves to remind us about how tight her clothes are and how she's "seductively cuddling" people.

no fucking kidding

I like how the VTM universe goes out of its way to avoid using the terms “son” and “daughter” to avoid the Unfortunate Implications when people inevitably start fucking their Sires

and the author’s like "nah fuck that let’s daddy kink it up.”

Oh and he does it ON TOP OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!! Like gang rape in a churchyard wasn’t edgy enough I guess.

the author can't go a paragraph without reminding us that sex exists and everyone is utterly sex crazed. The bit I blacked out above? That was Lucita daydreaming about hiring a prostitute. Like that’s not erotica, erotica is arousing, this is just voyeurism.

Lucita apparently hasn't yet noticed she's in a porno.

Somebody makes a joke about the Christian protestors gang raping the prostitutes outside. It’s a Ventrue. Of course it is.

Apparently the slave (I guess the word “ghoul” isn’t sexy enough) in the above screenshot is a fucking senator. Pun not intended. She soothes the cranky Brujah by suggesting they get somebody called Torres deported? I have no idea what that has to do with Lucita assassinating Marcus Vitel, but there's almost certainly going to be fucking involved.

(ETA 23/1/21 -- I regret to inform you all that there wasn’t “fucking” involved so much as gang rape. Never mind.)

Lucita and the Brujah guy almost start stabbing each other (so much for that soothing), but somebody has just set the brothel on fire so they have to GTFO.

The mortal senator can't quite fit inside the escape tunnel because her skirt is huge and keeping it on is apparently more important than not dying of smoke inhalation. But it’s okay, she manages it.

The skirt will be important later, unfortunately.

They come to a locked door in the passage. Oh no, whatever will they do?

Will they take a key out of their pocket and unlock it?

Nah, that’s too fucking sensible.

The Brujah that tried to punch Lucita whips out his dick.

Yes.

He actually fucking does that.

Weird flex, but okay.

(ETA 21/1/21 -- I just realised... what if it’s somebody ELSE’S penis he just whipped out? Like the thing was actually just chilling out and he pulls it out the way somebody else pulls out a cucumber. It’s not attached to his body, it’s just THERE?)

Everyone is completely unfazed by this. Both by the fact he whipped his dick out, and the fact he uses it as a fucking key ring.

Like. Is this a habit of his????? APPARENTLY IT IS.

(ETA: Anonymous Discord friend says:

SDFADLFJASDLFJASDF)

They end up in a sewer.

Garinson keeps a key to a sewer on his dick key ring.

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” yeah I just remembered another place more fitting for a sewer key)

THEN!!!

PLOT TWIST!!

The senator suddenly threatens everyone with a lighter!!

After the kindred are done laughing their ass off, she covers herself in whiskey, sets herself on fire and charges them.

I'm sorry but the way it's worded - pin wheeling, cringing - just makes this the funniest shit. It gets even funnier when you remember they’re knee-deep in water. Ever tried to run in water? It’s. not exactly easy. So presumably she’s tripping and stumbling the entire time and somehow still on fire as she does so.

A kindred tries to escape by clawing his way up the wall. He falls. The senator assassinates him by flinging her skirt over his head and sitting on his face. That part of her is also on fire. The skirt and her thighs are on fire.

And I guess they’re obviously not thigh-deep in water any more ‘cause the poor fuck doesn’t survive this.

what a way to fucking go: death by fire pussy.

Everyone panics, except Lucita, who's like "fuck this", cuts off her head, puts out the corpse, then, uh. uses it as a shield against the remaining flames. as you do.

(Between that and the above screenshot, there’s graphic descriptions of what, exactly, the fire is doing to the senator, and how said senator doesn’t give a flying fuck that fire is kinda hurty because she hates vampires that fucking much.)

Lucita meets a Nosferatu who offers to guide her from the sewers. On the next page, we have an illustration of Lucita, in sewage, looking up at the Nosferatu.

You couldn’t possibly make that picture sexy, could you?

Welp the artist went “Challenge accepted!”

So I wanted to show you guys the picture but I didn’t want to get too banned from Tumblr for an Eternal Hearts liveblog, so I went to my friends for help. One of them, @intimidatethevoid​, answered the call to arms:

Well.

This is awkward.

And so she bestowed upon me this glorious, but also cursed, image:

Yeah.

Her shirt’s somehow come off. And she isn’t wearing any knickers. Hence the Filthy Frank sticker.

And that’s gonna wrap up part 1 of my Eternal Hearts liveblog!

For more, like this post in secret shame so that none of your followers have to see it. To cancel me, send angry anon messages and death threats to my inbox.

[thinkinghq]

THE WHOLE ASS NSFW ALPHABET FOR KOGANEGAWA KANJI YESS SIR<3

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

♡EXHAUSTED

♡ usually falls in the positions he is in and lays there a bit catching his breath

♡after a few minutes he gets up and get babywipes cleans up and cuddles with you If you wanna talk about something he talk with you till you guys fall asleep (he didnt know that in the begging tho so he taught ur supposed too fall asleep after sex so when u tell him if you could get something to wipe he stands up and runs but naked around the house Idk why he panicked)

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

♡he loves everything about you

♡but he has a body part that he especially likes it changes(its the body part you make him cum tge most at the moment breast, tights ...)

♡if you tell him you love his dick his favorite body part is his dick if you tell him you love his hands his favorite body part is hands

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

♡thicccccc he cums a lot

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

♡When he had a crush on you he always imagined having sex with you. He felt shameful afterwards tho and couldn't look in your eyes the next day.

♡One of his first sexual encounters where when he was surfing in the internet on the family computer secretly late night and saw pop up porn and made him feel some way. He was terrified for weeks.

♡Once walked in middle school into the girls changing room and saw a girl only with  underwear he was shook and couldn't move what lead many girl to believe he was a pervert. Girls didn't talk to him at all since then.

♡ jerks of with your panties

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

♡ zero he just a too nervous virgin who is too excited to talk to people

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

♡ loves everything where he can see your breast shake

♡ positions where you in control

♡or where he just can jackhammers into you

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

♡giggles when he hears a queef "👀okaaayy farty"  "😐"

♡or says oh wopsi when he slips out of you

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

♡ he thinks it look weird whiteout Hair but at the same time hates it when the hair is to long so he keeps it trimmed

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

♡ for some nights it's all giggle and fun for him on others when he or you is emotional he tells you how much he loves you and needs you 100 times

J = Jack Off (Masturba)tion headcanon)

♡ everyday multiple times

♡after school, when he showers, before he falls asleep and on the weekend he cant say no to a morning wood

♡he usually hasn't a porn preference (yes he jerks to everything) but has a weakness for amateur porn with a cute female in it

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

♡ Anal, face sitting, mutual masturbation, facials and edging

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

♡ in bed (pls don't try to fuck him in the shower he slips always around like a shampoo bottle)

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

♡ if you look him into his eyes too long he gets hard but he loves thighs so if you want him wear a skirt <3

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

♡when ur not sure about sex then he won't touch you he could never do it If ur not 100% sure so you need to tell him that 100% confidently you want sex

♡honestly everything that's "dark" for him like knife play, choking (the only chocking he does is hold ur neck and add no pressure to it but he likes it with a little pressure on him) and tortured

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

♡honestly the first time he goes down on you he licked it like a dog (I hc him with a big tongue ok💀)

Like super messy licks on ur entire pussy. But he actually waits for you to tell him what he should do so if you tell him to suck on ur clit a little he does on command he likes it if you tell him what to do till he knows you like a open book and uses ur weak spots to make u cum as fast as he can.

♡CEO of buckling his hips into ur throat on accident cant help himself honestly. He comes pretty fast with oral if you look into his eyes and he is so messy with it pulls out midway when he cums and has half of it in ur mouth half of it on ur face. HEEEEE LOVVEESS a messy blowjob drool teary eyes and moans the moans are the most important part for him cause the vibrations feel good to him

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

♡ in the begging always super slow so you adjust to him in the middle he has a middle fast pace but his hips buckle a lot and ruin the pace and before he cums he goes faster it doesn't  matter what position he is he hold ur hips and fucks you fast his hips dont buck when he is fast also he only slows down if you tell him to.(king of respecting boundaries)

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

♡ he is down when ever you want to he could fuck you 20 times a day even if his dick feels like it's about to fall of he still fucks you <3

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

♡he actually forgets to put a condom on a lot if you dont tell him he notice it 2 minutes in to sex and ask himself "hmmmmm why does it feel so good" and than he panics and is scared you might and up pregnant but then he is like "actually I want to have a family with y/n fuck it I drop out of school and take care of her and our kid" "😐 pls stop dreaming so much and put on a condom now"

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

♡ he can keep fucking u after he cums he just cums again ...(loves being overstimulated)

♡ max. 2 times in one go but if you give a break in between probably 4 times ...

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

♡ TOYS DRIVE HIM CRAZY

♡ he loves vibrator on you drive him crazy how fast you cum when you use one in ur clit while he fucks you

♡ PLS PEG HIM HNGGGGG <3 HE IS A HIMBO WHO WANTS TO GET PEGGED

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he doesn't tease at all but if you tease him or edge him.... he end up being s whimpering mess

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

♡he lowkey load says how good it feels and his moans ughhhhhhh<3

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

♡put a leash on him and train him <3

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

♡ About 17cm

♡ he has the most girth in the middle

♡ has lot of veins on the underside

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

♡ Pretty high but waits till you invent things he just doesn't wanna seen as a horny monster by you

♡ When he first discovered masturbating he did it every day always after school that's the reason of his sex drive

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

♡He wraps his long arms around you and falls super fast asleep ... sometimes inside you still

[cummingforkylo]

Hiya!:) I’m so happy your requests are open I’ve been like dying to see if you would be willing to write something along the lines of innocent reader & more experienced kylo? Maybe he could call her sweetheart or something? I feel like he wouldn’t be extremely rough on her maybe? But if you can/ want to I’d love to see you write something like that:) please & thank you

Okay well I kind of did these together? A little? Maybe this ended up being too rough for both of these but I feel like he’s got the soft dom feel at the beginning? Idk. Hopefully some people like it. This ended up being REALLY long anddddd I didn’t edit it very well sooo hopefully its good. idk. 

Good Girl

Rating: Explicit/NSFW

CW: Innocence kink, rough sex, fingering

Word Count: 3,862

Prompt: Innocent!Reader is given to Kylo Ren as a gift from a planet The First Order had just conquered. 

You had been fighting the stormtroopers the whole way from the launch bay, kicking, hitting, pounding your fists uselessly on their  body armor. There was no use though, they picked you up and moved you around as if you weighed nothing. You heard lift doors shut and again were told to be quiet but you couldn’t contain your cries of frustration and fear. When the doors opened, you tried to look around from your place, thrown over one of their shoulders, all you could tell from this angle was the room was large, cavernous almost with black walls and a black floor, bright white light illuminated from the lighting along the walls and on the ceiling. You were dropped unceremoniously from the stormtroopers back onto the floor in front of a dais. Your head tilted up immediately and you were met with an unexpected sight, a man looked down at you from a throne. His eyes expecting you.

“Please, sir, let…let me go home.” You immediately rolled up onto your knees in front of him and put your hands together in front of you. Kylo observed you, leaning forward and looking down at you. He examined you for a moment and then his eyes snapped up to look around at the stormtroopers,

“What is this?” He asked the room at large.

“A gift from the leader of the world we conquered. A peace offering, Supreme Leader.”

“A token of their submission, you mean.” He said, you watched his eyes as they seemed to burn through the armor of every stormtrooper he looked upon. This was the Supreme Leader of the First Order? This was Kylo Ren?  He was…young and…beautiful. No. You shouldn’t think this man was beautiful. You should still be fighting, you should be trying to run but there was something inside you that kept you there. A weird curiosity about him.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The Stormtrooper said.

“Leave us.” Kylo waved his hand, dismissing them. You still  sat on your knees in front of him, tears dripped out of your eyes.

“Please, Supreme Leader, I just…want to go home.” You cried, “I…I’m sorry.” You cried. He stood up from his throne and stepped down the dais to where you were kneeling. He reached out and took your chin in his hand, tilting your face up to look up at him. Kylo’s thumb wiped underneath your eye, catching a tear there.

“You can’t go home.” He said. “You were a gift and now will you serve me.” He said. Your face crumpled and you started to cry again,

“Don’t cry.” He commanded. He crouched down in front of you, he was so tall that you still had to look up at him from your kneeling position but he could look into your eyes more easily. “If you’re a good girl, it won’t be so bad. Can you be a good girl?” he asked, his voice was smooth like velvet. You wanted to keep crying, but your brain felt like mush, as if looking at him made you weak or stupid. Everything about him was enticing. You had never felt anything like that for someone. Men were a total mystery to you, and yet you felt something in your belly stir, like kettle heating,  just starting to simmer.

“Yes,” you breathed, unsure of what you were signing up for. Your brow furrowed as you looked up at him. He straightened up.

“Take your dress off.” He said. Your mouth almost fell open, embarrassment flooded through you. Even though you had felt that stirring inside of you, you hadn’t expected to serve him…like….like that. You didn’t even know how you would begin to do something like that. “Do it now,” he said, his eyes boring into yours as he stood in front of you.

“I-I didn’t know-“

“Didn’t know what?” He asked, “That this is what I meant when I said you would serve me?” he asked, his dark eyes searched over your face. You looked back at him, your lips parted and your eyes still glassy from your tears. You felt something them something you couldn’t find an explanation for, it was if something crept into your brain and grabbed hold of it. Like tendrils of pure energy had wrapped itself around your mind. You gasped and your eyes fluttered shut, your breath caught in your chest, holding that tight as well. As quickly as you had felt it, it subsided, leaving you reeling.

“Sweet, innocent thing…” Kylo breathed as he looked away. “You’re just a dumb little girl, aren’t you?” he asked. You realized with a lurch that he had just looked into your mind, he had seen your innocence, how little you understood of the world and what was now expected of you. He was still looking down at you on your knees, he held his hand out and as if you were in some sort of stupor you took it. Kylo’s hand wrapped around yours and he tugged you up, looking into your eyes. You could see a wildness in his eyes that he struggled to control as he stared down at you. His pupils were blown wide and his upper lip twitched upwards, “Aren’t you?” he asked again.

“Y-yes.” You mumbled, turning your head down.

“Look at me.” He said. You didn’t look up, you couldn’t you were too embarrassed, embarrassed that he wanted you to get naked, embarrassed that he had seen things inside your own mind, embarrassed that you were feeling things for him. Things you didn’t understand, couldn’t name. Kylo grabbed your chin and dragged your head up,

“I said, look at me.” His voice turned angry, growling. You forced your eyes up to his.

“This is how it works, since you don’t understand,” He said. “you do as I say, I use this little body however I like and as long as you’re good, things go well for you.” He said. You couldn’t help it, you shivered a little, the little simmering kettle in your belly kept getting hotter and it sent a spasm through your body. “Oh you like that?” he asked, his eyes looking over your body. “You want me to use you?” he asked. Your brow furrowed and you swallowed, trying not to burst out crying again. “You can answer, little girl.” He said.

“Yes,” you breathed although you weren’t sure if that was true or if you just knew it was the right answer.

“Good.” He stepped away from you to look over your body. “Now undress.” He said. Slowly, ashamedly, you started to pull your dress off, your underwear, every bit of clothing peeled away from you and you dropped it onto the ground. His eyes examined your naked body, drinking in every crevice, every bit of flesh was his to take in. “You’ve never been naked in front of someone?” He asked, even though he knew the answer.

“N-No, sir.” You stammered. He stepped closer to you, his hand lifted in front of you and then his fingers were on your skin. Just the littlest touch felt like pulses of hot electricity shooting through your skin. He traced his fingers from your collarbone down your chest towards your breast. You sucked in a breath, your heart hammering, goosebumps erupting on your skin. His pointer finger circled around your nipple causing it to pucker and tauten.

“You’ve never been touched before?” he asked, just forcing you to say it outlaid. You let out a little gasp. The kettle in your belly heated, warming, heading towards a bubble, seething.

“No, sir.”

“Good girl.” He said. His thumb and pointer finger closer around your nipple pinching in a way that sent fire shooting lower down, below your belly. You had never felt anything like this, you had never wanted like this at all.

“Sit.” He instructed,  indicating the throne behind him. You nervously stepped up the dais and to the throne, sinking down on the cold seat. You shivered and looked over at him. This bubbling kettle inside of your belly burned all throughout your body and he was stoking the flame. Every time he looked at you, the tiniest touch, when he had pinched your nipple it had made you feel something you didn’t understand. You stared over at him.

“Lets see how wet your slutty little pussy gets from doing as you’re told.” He said. “Spread your legs.” His voice resonated from his chest, deep, there was no room for argument. You swallowed, trying to bite back your fear. What would happen to you if you didn’t do as he said. You cracked your knees open, your thighs trembled as they spread open, only wide enough for you to start to feel the cool air against your pussy. It wasn’t wide enough for him, he stepped up the dais  to you, his hands closed around your knees and he shoved them open. You slipped down in the throne as he pushed your legs open and back so you were fully exposed to him, on display for him. You gasped and squirmed a little as he held your legs open. You didn’t want him to see you like this, you wished you could pull your legs closed but the idea of defying him sent a shiver of fear through you. Kylo’s eyes caught yours, it was like he was drinking up the fear he saw there, he loved how scared you were, and how embarrassed you felt.

“Lets see,” he breathed, his eyes traveling from your gaze down your chest, belly, hips, pubic bone and to your slightly parted pussy lips. He still stood, holding your knees back, his eyes taking in the sight of the most intimate part of your body open and waiting for him to explore. You whimpered, he chuckled in response, his eyes still locked on your pussy. His hand let go of one of your legs and he gently spread your lips open, “No matter how embarrassed you are, you’re still getting wet.” He said. You didn’t understand, you hated this, it was humiliating and you didn’t understand what he was doing but every time he spoke, or touched you, or looked at you, it stirred the flames inside of you. It felt like your whole body was too sensitive, every brush of his eyes or even his gaze, sent  tingles shooting through you. His other hand let go of your legs, you could have tried to shut them but you didn’t. You stared up at him while one hand kept your lips spread open, his pointer finger on the other hand traced a line up and down your slit, collecting wetness as he went.

“You are a stupid little slut, even if you didn’t know it. Or understand it. You want it.” He said. “Keep your legs open, slut.” He instructed and he moved the hand that had your lips spread open away so he could put it on the back of the throne, just above and next to your head and lean over closer to you. You stared up into his face as the fingers on your pussy started to move again, tracing your slit, stroking over your lips, getting covered in your wetness.  Kylo’s fingers moved and grazed over a spot that frayed your nerves and made you jump and then recoil. Your mouth fell open and your eyes glazed over.

“You like that, don’t you, slut? When I touch your clit?” he asked. You weren’t sure, it had felt intense but you realized you were craving it again. Your clit was buzzing with need, you pressed your hips up towards his fingers. You nodded. He swirled his finger around and around that spot again, your clit, stroking along either side. He was pulling you apart with each stroke of his fingers. You felt like you were losing your mind, all your will to fight against the humiliation or the fear was gone as his fingers stroked against your clit, or around it, swishing over it, covering it with your own juices he collected from your entrance. You didn’t realize it but you had started to whine, incoherent whines of nothing as he teased you. You were totally powerless against him but then he pulled his fingers away, he looked down at them, examining how soaked they had gotten.

“Lets see how tight you are inside.” His voice rumbled from his chest, tight with his own excitement. He sank down to his knees in front of you, his hand moved lower, his long, thick finger at your entrance ready to start pushing inside of you. You stared down at him, worried again.

“N-No! I…I’ve never-“ you whined, almost going to close your legs but remembering he had told you to keep them open.

“What did you say?” he asked, his dark eyes meeting yours from his spot on his knees. Your lower lip trembled, your brow pulled together in fear. “I’m going to fuck your pussy. To make sure my cock doesn’t split you in two, we’re going to open you up a little first. Or should I just shove my cock in there?” he asked. “Would that be better?”

“No!” You nearly sobbed it.

“No, it wouldn’t be. Lets see how much you can take.” He started to push his finger into you, it felt good, better than you had expected. It set you on fire again. “Good girl…taking my finger so well.” Kylo started to push it in and out, you could feel your pussy contracting, your walls clenching down around his finger just trying to keep it inside of you. The stretch was good, it didn’t hurt you rocked your hips down as best you could.

“Ohhhh,” you moaned, starting to whine again as he fucked into you with one finger. He pulled his finger slowly all the way out. When he started to push back in, he had added another finger, slowly filling you with two fingers. This time it started to hurt a little, stretching you open more. You looked down at yourself, legs open enough so you could see your pussy lips parting and his fingers driving into you. It was good you were so wet, it ached but you wanted more, that feeling of being filled up was overwhelming.

“Ooooh. Oh! Oh!” Moans rattled through your body, your breathing was hard as he pushed his fingers deep into you.

“You’re such a slut, arent you?” He asked. “Opening up for me, good girl.” His voice was strained, he growled out each word. You looked into his face, and you again made eye contact. He was wild, his lip twitched into a snarl  for a second, he was watching your expressions, watching the way you whined, moaned, looking worried and then blissful and then the tiny bits of pain playing out across your face as he thrust his fingers deep into you. “How about a third? Think you can take  it? Take it for me?”

“Y-Yes. Yes!” you gasped as you bounced a little, his fingers shoving into you hard and fast. Kylo ripped them out of you and then he slowly again he started to press three fingers into you. Your mouth fell open, your eyes shut, you whined and moaned.

“No…too…too b-big!” you gasped, nothing had ever been inside you and now you felt like you were being stretched open too far, but your body craved more.

“How will you take my cock if you can’t take three fucking fingers, slut?” he snarled. You felt his thumb start to softly circle your clit, teasing you as he pressed his fingers deep, deep inside you. “You’re soaking wet. You want it so bad.” He said. Your brow furrowed, you whined. You wanted so much. You wanted to be filled up, used, by him. His thumb continued to nudge against your clit while he worked his fingers inside of you. When they were all the way in he dragged them back and started to fuck you with them, slow at first and then gaining in speed. You nodded.

‘I want it! I want it! I want it!” You didn’t know what you wanted, or what you were saying, you just knew it was the truth. “Ohhhh,” you’re cheeks were bright pink from the need burning through you, or the embarrassment. The rhythm of him shoving his fingers into you, and his thumb nudging your clit with each movement felt like it sent you into some kind of trance, you were shaking, moaning. The buzzing all over your body centered around the feeling in your pussy, the kettle was about to boil over, you wanted to scream with the pleasure of it. You had never known your body could feel like this. His fingers ripped away from you and you gasped, you wanted to cry.

“No. No, you don’t not get to cum before I fuck you.” He snarled. “Get on your hands and knees, you’re going to take my cock in that slutty pussy.” Kylo had stood up now, you were so dazed from when your release had been so close that you couldn’t think to move yet. He reached out and grabbed your hair, pulling you off of the throne and then off of the dais. “Hands and knees, slut. Now.” He growled. You did as you were told and Kylo knelt behind you. He reached out and press his hand into your back, forcing your upper body down lower to the ground, your face pressed into the floor.

“I c-cant! I can’t take it.” You cried as you heard clothing rustle. Fear spiked inside you but to your horror, it made the pleasure, and the excitement so much better.

“You’re going to take it.” You felt heat against your pussy lips, the head of his cock stroked up and down along your lips until it reached the entrance of your cunt. From just those motions you could feel how big his cock was, it was going to split you open, he had been right. You wiggled a little, whining. You didn’t know if you were wiggling to try and get away or try to get him to push it into you. The head of his cock pressed into your pussy then and you lost your breath. It was so thick and wide and it hurt as soon as Kylo started to press himself in. He grabbed your hips and pulled you back, you gasped as he relentlessly shoved his cock in deeper. Each centimeter pulled you open more and more, each thrust of his hips made it feel like you were going to burst open with the pain and pleasure of it.

It all mingled together, the humiliation of being used like this with your face against the floor, your cunt open for him, the pain of his cock, of any cock, entering your body for the first time, and the intense excitement, and pleasure you got from it. Your pussy was soaked even though it felt too stretched. You knew he was taking you, all of you, your mind, body and spirit. You were entirely his now, he would do anything he wanted to you and you’d say thank you.

“Oh stars, its…its so big! Its too big, I can’t-“ you were sobbing now.

“Good girl, you’re so tight…take my cock like the good little slut you are.” He said.

“I can’t take anymore! Its too-oh stars! Oh!” You yelped as his cock pushed into you more and his fingers dug into your skin.

“It’s almost all the way in, princess. You can take it for me.” As he spoke you felt some feather light touches, softly stroking against your clit. It felt like a buzzing energy that barely grazed against it. Your mouth fell open, both his hands were on your hips, guiding you back onto him. This was something else. This was different. The Force circled around your clit, stroking it softly and then pinching it tight, stopping just before the pleasure became ovewhelming. Your body relaxed and he shoved his cock all the way into you, knocking a garbled yelp out of you.

“Good girl, I knew you could.” He said. “Now I’m going to fuck your cunt until you’re a sobbing mess, then I’m going to cum all over your face. Do you understand?” He asked, he started to drag himself back out and you waited for the thrust back inside of you. It knocked another yelp out of you when he thrust in. It was so good and it hurt so perfectly.

“Yes! Yes!” You moaned, the feeling surrounding your clit was driving you insane. Every time  it got so good you felt like you would explode, it stopped and then it kept going again. It was driving you towards something, towards the boiling point. The moment when the kettle would scream and you’d boil over. It felt like when that moment finally came, your heart would stop and everything would cease to exist. His hips snapped forward, thrusting deeper and deeper inside of you. Kylo buried his hand into your hair and tugged your head back. You could hear that his breathing was hard, his cock slammed into you with each hard thrust, pummeling against your cervix. You sobbed, it felt too good, it hurt too good. It was splitting you open. You knew that when this was over you would be a different person. You would be his slut. His body tightened against you, the force that was swirling across your clit wasn’t stopping this time, your pleasure mounted and just kept getting more and more intense. Every time you thought you’d tip over, it just felt better and better. Then you were nearly screaming as your whole body tensed up, your clit was vibrating with pleasure, his cock pumped into you over and over,  causing you to spasm with each thrust.

“Ohhh! Yes! Yes, sir! Oh fuck!” you moaned, having your first orgasm. His cock ripped out of you and you clenched on nothing. The aftershocks carried on as he pulled you back up onto your knees by your hair, and came around in front of you.

Then you saw a cock for the first time in your life, his was big, long, heavy and he held it in his hand. You looked up at him, your eyes wide, still nervous and dazed from your orgasm but still in need. His hand pumped up and down on his cock and ropes of hot, thick cum spurted out of his cock and onto your face. He painted your face with his cum, it dripped down your cheeks, and onto your lips and chin.

“Good girl, you’re so pretty like that. Covered in my cum.” He said through labored breathing. You stared up at him and his eyes searched over your face, taking in the look of you covered in his cum. “Are you going to keep being my good little slut?” He asked.

“Yes sir.” You answered meekly, still feeling a little shy.

[gretchensinister]

So I watched Color Out of Space yesterday because I thought it would be bad and batshit and something that would serve as good knitting background.

Only it wasn’t bad.

(Still batshit and still good knitting background though.)

I don’t really know where to start talking about this but since I’m doing this for free, I’m going to talk about eggs benedict first. I love eggs benedict. If you don’t know what it is, the standard is an English muffin, with Canadian bacon on top of it, with a poached egg on top of that, and the whole thing topped with hollandaise sauce.

I can poach an egg sort of successfully most of the time. But my standard grocery shopping doesn’t include English muffins or Canadian bacon, and making hollandaise is a whole thing with raw egg yolks and either getting your blender dirty or whisking until your arm falls off and like…if I have enough time to make a breakfast of more than one step for myself (or if I feel like having breakfast for dinner) I’m also probably trying to chill that day. Also I’m already poaching a couple of eggs and that’s where the anxiety has to go.

So when I want eggs benedict at home, it’s going to be made with: whatever kind of bread thing I have, topped with whatever kind of meat I have in the fridge (I have used a sliced-up hot dog for this), topped with a poached egg, topped with not hollandaise, but something that will work for the purpose, made by stirring up mayo with lemon juice and a dash of cayenne pepper. I’ve never been disappointed with my results, maybe because I’m a gremlin? I wouldn’t serve any of this business to a chef, but I don’t make this to serve to a chef, I make this to eat it.

Maybe that will help you understand what I’m feeling about Color Out of Space. Some spoilers below.

In the first half-hour or so of the movie, I was flip-flopping about whether the movie was “self-aware” or not. Like, is the weirdness unintentional? Should I wince with secondhand embarrassment at the filmmakers?

I think the answer is firmly NO to these two questions. In fact, I think that the filmmakers were WILDLY SUCCESSFUL in what they intended to do.

There were several different things that convinced me that they were doing whatever they were doing on purpose, including all their deviations from the H.P. Lovecraft story the movie is based on.

1. Right at the beginning, there’s a bit of flirting between the hydrologist and the daughter of the family that lives on the farm where the meteorite will soon land. Yeah it’s heterosexual nonsense, BUT. The hydrologist is Black and the daughter is white. H.P. Lovecraft’s head is suitably exploded, now we can do whatever we want.

2. The dinner scene with the family where there’s a short conversation about how the daughter is always wanting fast food. Now, in context this is just to establish that she’s missing living in the city vs. in the middle of nowhere. But importantly, she’s the first character we see in the movie and so is kind of our gateway into this situation. And she doesn’t want the home-cooked meal, she wants the fast food, even after her mother points out the questionable ingredients. “I know,” she says. “But it tastes like heaven.” Sometimes you want fast food even though you know very well that it’s not gourmet. Not every horror movie has to be a perfectly balanced tour-de-force of suspense, mystery, and social commentary. You can relax. Come into the movie.

3. The first creepy phone call. The hydrologist is at his survey camp (? IDK why he was outdoors at night in this scene actually, mumble mumble fieldwork?) and he gets a garbled, static-filled phone call on what is obviously a modern smartphone. But when he disconnects, there is the clear sound of a DIAL TONE. To me, this is too bizarre to be an accident, especially because there are a number of other phone calls and disconnections in the movie, and none of them end with a dial tone. I think the filmmakers do know what it’s like to use a phone. (Though there is a scene where the daughter is trying to call 911 and tells her father in a panic that she can’t get a dial tone. IDK what that’s about. A genuine error? A moment that might as well have a label that says “nitpickers take pot shots here”?) Back to the hydrologist. At this moment, as a viewer, I’m still thrown off by the dial tone. It’s nonsense, and that makes it a “bad movie” marker, I guess, but someone had to decide to put the sound in. It couldn’t have happened carelessly. And then the hydrologist has to block a glare of light. He uses the book he’s been reading, which is “The Willows” by Algernon Blackwood—which was one of Lovecraft’s favorite supernatural stories. It’s very clear to the audience—not a lingering shot, but still something that’s not supposed to be an Easter egg.

And this is where I say, okay. The filmmakers know their source material. They know their audience. No one in the movie is winking at the camera, and the movie is yes, kind of funky, but it’s not made in a careless way or in a way that you feel that the filmmakers are inviting laughter. It’s horror—and believe me, they’ve got some practical effects in this one are truly ghastly—but it’s horror that exists very clearly in its genre and feels playful because of that.

Three things that show that playfulness to me: the name of the hippie squatter’s cat. The cat is named G-spot, which, in the movie itself is explained as an immature joke “a pussy named—” but even as I was groaning and thinking “that’s a terrible name for a cat” the part of my brain that knows more about Lovecraft than I care to is like, “but not the WORST name for a cat!” and I don’t know if the filmmakers expected anyone to be like “well at least the cat isn’t named ———” but that was part of my reaction.

The casting of Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage is/was kind of a meme on his own, and in this movie he plays the dad of the family that lives in the house the meteor lands by. And at a certain point in the movie, his accent goes a little weird and he starts acting more like the stereotypical asshole horror movie dad. I dismissed this as just a disappointment at first, like, this is bad acting and bad acting choices and bad writing happening to move the plot. But then he switches back to his previous established character, and after it happened again I realized that this was happening because of the alien color messing with his mind! Even after accepting that the movie was being purposeful, I was still caught up in the idea of Cage as a bad actor and the movie as a bad movie that I was fooled into missing the first signs of alien mind control! That’s meta.

The kid going full creepy child like, immediately after the meteor hit. Obsessive drawing, staring off into space, invisible friends, the works. But it’s not even a main thing. We never even get a full good look at what he’s drawing. There’s no scene where either parent stops and dramatically stares at it and we wonder “oooooh is it really real?” It’s definitely real and it’s causing worse problems by the minute. The kid has gone full creepy child, but there is OTHER SHIT that is ALSO URGENT. It amused me to have this trope be present but not central.

What else do I want to say? Overall this movie had very little downtime. It didn’t waste a bunch of time with people denying that anything weird was going on, or trying to make the viewer wonder if all this was real. It’s real and it’s fucking up your alpacas! The movie assumes that viewers know “The Colour Out of Space” and doesn’t tease us with any “what-is-happening-if-anything” tension. Of course it’s happening. Show us what we came to see.

I think what made it successful for me were the same kinds of things that make good fanfiction successful, which only makes sense as it is essentially a “The Color Out of Space” modern AU. The willingness to play with tropes, the assumption of viewer familiarity with the source, etc.

The effects were used judiciously, and if some of it just seemed like a light filter or two I have to say I don’t really care.

And I think that’s all for now. Oh, except that I want to mention, only the Black guy lived. The hydrologist was the one to narrate the opening and the closing, the only voice that spoke any words from the original short story. Whaddaya know.

[meleuki]

Only A Matter Of Time

Axl Rose x Reader

Warnings: it's fluffy and Shit but yah know

Word Count: 1, 600+

Request: omg I just read your last imagine and it's so good!! Can I request another one with axl? I was thinking of one where the reader and axl are best friends but they secretly like each other.. Idk something like that. Hope you like it, thank you 🖤

A/N: Axl and the reader like each other xx.

I slowly puffed on a cigarette as I watched the boys of ‘Guns n’ Roses’ try to figure out how they wanted to spend their evening. Voices were raised every now and then for a few seconds here and there before Izzy calmed them down with a stern sentence, hand on a shoulder and a disapproving glare. Ideas had been shot out left and right, usually ending up with some sort of complication or disagreement when only half of them wanted to participate. Steven, of all people, seemed bored with the words that spilt from his bandmates lips, his eyes drifting around the kitchen as he chewed on the side of his fingertips; trying to find some form of amusement. I stood to the side, doing my best to avoid the conversation, simply shrugging anytime I was asked for my preference or thoughts on an idea. I didn’t want to cause any altercations, and really, I was fine with doing anything as long as it meant I could talk to Axl.

I just wanted to sit and talk to Axl.

Most of the band knew how I felt about the singer, often reassuring me that he felt the same way whenever the topic of my ‘unrequited’ love came up in conversation. I never believed them. How could he want me, when he had all those girlfriends? He’d just broken up with one, I was sad for Axl’s loss but quite relieved at the same time, maybe just maybe I’d be able to get him to finally notice me; the girl who had stood by his side through so many things.

The boys continued to argue about which bar they would attend. Which one had the hottest girls? Which one had the best drinks? Duff brushed off the best drinks question with a simple, ‘alcohol is alcohol’, everyone eventually nodding along with him. I didn’t like the idea of simply going out to gawk at girls, the boys could do that in their free time, but not with me. I didn’t want to sit around and watch them bite their lips, hazy-eyed, while some stripper danced on their laps. I especially didn’t want to see Axl in that scenario, I knew he loved it - which is what killed me the most.

I piped up, “Why don’t we just stay in? Watch a movie? Get drunk?”, all the boys focused their attention on me, and I watched as the gears turned inside their heads. A silent plea was echoing inside my head. I knew they rarely stayed cooped up inside, but hopefully this time they would reconsider, make a change, just for the night.

Izzy shrugged, a small smile on his face, “Yeah, don’t see why not.”

Duff nodded, smirking as he grabbed two bottles of vodka from the kitchen counter, holding them up like trophies. Slash snatched a bottle out of Duff’s hands and held it to his chest, a smile of agreement on his face, “We’re watching a horror movie, pussies!”

“Aight, cool dude. Someone pick a movie, I have to take a piss,” Steven chuckled, struggling to undo his leather pants as he rushed off towards the bathroom, the bored and uninterested look now gone from his face.

I made my way to the lounge room, watching as both Duff and Slash raced each other to the movie cabinet, arguing over which horror flick we would all indulge ourselves in. I snuggled into the leather couch, a shy smile creeping its way onto my face as Axl slid into the free space next to me, chucking a fluffy blanket over us both. Duff passed by us with two cups of orange juice mixed with what I assumed to be vodka, offering some to Axl, who gladly took the large glass full of the pale orange drink. Axl pressed the rim of the glass against my lower lip, pushing it against me until I let out a breathy laugh, opening my lips enough for him to pour a small portion of the liquid into my mouth. I scrunched up my nose at the burning feeling of the vodka running down my throat as I swallowed, poking my tongue out at Axl’s amused face as soon as my mouth was void of alcohol. Axl’s eyes met mine, my smile disappearing slowly as my lips parted with surprise at the emotion that was being conveyed in his green orbs, we held the stare for a little longer than necessary before Axl coughed awkwardly, shifting his gaze towards the cup full of drink that still sat in the hold of his lean fingers.

The awkward silence was soon broken by the sound of Steven rushing into the lounge room yelling about how there was a spider in the bathroom, begging someone to be his hero and come kill the tiny creature. I looked up in surprise at the bundle of blonde hair that now stood next to the couch I had occupied. Steven’s hair was bouncing with each hop to each foot he took, left to right, left to right. I couldn’t take my eyes off his hair, it really did look like popcorn, in some weird, messed up sort of way. Duff was snickering at the frightened look on Steven’s face, which only made the popcorn kernel plead more.

“Why are we killing it? It’s just a spider,” Slash got up and smacked Duff in the lower back, causing the tall blonde’s body to crumple forward with a pained groan, “Come on Steven, let’s go put the spider outside.”

Steven walked out of the room again, this time with Slash in tow, his face contorted into a bright and thankful smile. The tv began playing a film that Slash had obviously inserted into the VHS player in advance of Steven tumbling into the room. The boys who remained in the lounge-room quickly got themselves situated, myself included, as we all focused our attention on the small tv screen. Our mouths were full with either alcohol or popcorn, making us all probably look like immature teenagers to an outside eye. That’s really what we were most of the time. Sure, we were all old enough to drink and go to clubs, but deep in our hearts, we knew that we were all still longing for those teenage years again. Maybe not all of the events that occurred during those years, but we all missed the freedom of our youth. The taste of independence, without actually having to be independent. My eyes flicked over to look at the side of Axl’s face. My eyes drifted over the curve of his jaw, the outline of his oh-so-kissable lips. I remembered when he and I were teenagers; I’d lost my virginity to him. At first, I hadn’t loved him, but as the days went by after our hook-up I’d started to wonder what it would be like to be called his. I didn’t just want Axl to be some hit and miss, I wanted to know him, in a completely different way than just his body. I wanted to hold him when he was sad when he was low. I wanted to laugh with him when he was happy. I wanted to look into his eyes and see the same admiration for me, as I had for him.

Axl’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned to look at me, a small smile painted on his lips as he stared back at me in return for my gaze. I stifled a giggle as he pulled a stupid face, immediately getting a harsh shush from Duff. Axl snorted, tearing his gaze from mine to stare at Slash and Steven as they took a seat on the mound of pillows stacked on the floor, alcohol and snacks ready to greet them already.

It was only halfway through the movie and I was getting bored. My head rested against the couch, eyelids fighting to stay open and watch the rest of the movie. I was taken out of my dreamland as Axl shifted next to me, his arm laying itself over my shoulders, pulling my tired body into his own. My head rested on Axl’s shoulder, my nose nuzzled into the patch of skin where his shoulder and neck met. A small smile crept onto my face as his arms tightened their hold around me, pulling me further onto his lap, to make a more comfortable position for the both of us. My heart soared as Axl placed a loving kiss to the top of my head, his hand stroking over my hair softly. I cuddled myself further into him, and I felt the vibrations of his quiet laugh against my hand that was placed on his chest. I paid the movie no mind anymore, the sound of Axl’s soft breathing lulling me into a peaceful sleep. I fought to stay awake, peeking open my eyes and looking up at Axl as he gazed down at me, an emotion in his green orbs that I couldn’t seem to place, it was hidden away, locked behind layers of himself. If only I could reach into him and pull it out, I just wanted him to tell me how he felt. To just say it.

“It’s okay, little lady. Sleep,” Axl cooed, placing a delicate kiss against the skin just under my eye, “I’ll be here when you wake up, darlin’,”

I knew that was all I would get, for now, that was all he could muster himself to say - and for now, I was completely okay with that. That was all the reassurance I needed. The time would come for us when we could be together, when we were both ready to start loving each other as not just best friends, but partners. It was just a matter of time.

[myheadisinvaded]

On With The Show… chapter 1/heaven (part1)

Word count- 1,581

Warnings- sexual talk (?), mention of drugs, idk what else to list

A/N- feedback is appreciated, thanks for giving me a chance (if you read it) There will be multiple parts, this is kind of presenting everything.

This will be a romantic Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x Oc, there will be some Mick Mars x Oc as a best friend/mentor 

Present

His glossy blue eyes reflect the raindrops rolling down the window, the clouds are grey and they seem to be crying with him. The guilt and regret is building up inside his body, feelings he never wanted to feel again are starting to come back. Now they seem to be against himself, he never wanted to cause someone he loved the same pain his mother caused him.

Past

Blair is the dream daughter, in college, studying every night, doesn’t really party, doesn’t date around. She’ll drink every once in a while but she’s never done drugs, smoked, she’s a good kid. Her single mom has always greatly appreciated her daughter. Blair indulges in her music, hard rock, glam rock, punk, anything heavy, full of guitars and drums she’s there for it. She plays some music herself, she’s learning guitar, piano and her voice has always been something she’s proud of. The genres she loves don’t match her at all which always creates interest in her. The innocent child like vibe she gives off is charming and has kind of made her the sweetheart. She’s not by any means the most popular but anyone she meets, likes her.

October 1983, she has just turned 21

Her arms are up, her hands in devil horns, she is feeling happy and full of excitement and energy. Motley Crue is her favorite band and she was able to come see them, finally! She made sure to put on her cutest black dress with her best black heels, her hair in her natural loose curls and light make up. Not the most rock of outfits but she feels pretty and that’s what matters. She hopes to catch his attention, after all she had heard it wasn’t too hard, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew there was no way it would actually happen. She decides to just enjoy the music, front row, and not worry about it. Her eyes focus on Nikki first, he seems focused on the music and having fun on stage. She moves them over to Vince and then to Mick, and finally to Tommy. Watching them rock out and feel the music was amazing, she had always hoped that one day she would be able to do that but she doesn’t feel any where near talented enough, her eyes go back to Mick. The way he plays the guitar, its mesmerizing. The smile on her face becomes bigger and her eyes lock with Mick’s. He smiles and keeps on playing, sending her a small wink before moving around the stage with Vince and Nikki. Her eyes move back to focus on Nikki, the adrenaline coursing its way through her body from being noticed by Mick, or at least she hopes she was. The songs are all equally as fun and energy filled, Shout at the Devil, Live Wire, Take Me To The Top,Looks That Kill, Helter Skelter, etc.

The concert comes to an end, the crowd screams for more but to no avail, the energy is still high and everyone is buzzing. Girls are flooding to the backstage area, she follows the crowd, partying with Motley Crue would be a dream come true but right now she wants to at least meet them. Blair is able to get past to the backstage area, not a hard task at all, she sees everyone heading towards the back but when she glances to her left there is a hallway leading to the dressing rooms, the hallway also contains something that makes her heart flip, their guitars and basses. The ones they used tonight are roughly hung on there and she can’t help but walk in that direction instead. She immediately spots the black guitar, scraped all over and Mars in white on it. Her eyes dart around, she isn’t going to steal it but she also assumes no one would want her to play it either, who cares, it's quiet and no one seems to be here, they are all probably partying anyways. Her heels click against the tile, her black baby doll velvet dress flows around as she tries to tip toe. 

When she has the guitar in front of her she gingerly picks it up and holds it in front of her eyes for a minute, the strap is still warm and sweaty. With shaking hands she puts in on, adjusting it a little, since she is shorter and her arms are short as well. She starts playing something quietly, it sounds a little weird, given that its an electric guitar and its not plugged in but its still super cool that she’s playing with Motley Crue’s guitar. Blair begins to get a little carried away, jumping around and pretending to be giving a whole show, whisper singing Live Wire. Eyes closed, head thrown back, rocker face on, she doesn’t realize when Mick appears in front of her, arms crossed, unamused eyes, and eyebrow raised. She does a little kick and jump and finally opens her eyes. Her body freezes when she sees him, he holds her stare, trying not to smirk. “I-i-i’m so sorry” she manages to stutter out. He huffs “Fucking teenagers... “ as he shakes his head but he recognizes her from the front row, her soft features and school girl look stands out.. Her arms start shaking again and when he notices that, he feels a little bad, “Give it here kid, you're holding it wrong”. Taking the guitar off of her she shakily hands it back to him and he gives her a half smile. He makes sure shes watching as he puts it on, readjusting the strap “Damn, you’re short” and places his hands on it, “If you want to be able to rock out comfortably you have to learn how to hold it, you had it on too tight too, i know you have short arms but loosen it up a little and you can slide it around” he looks at her face, she's watching him intently. He spends the next 5 minutes showing her different tips and tricks.

“So… we’ve been here for a minute and you haven’t said a word, I normally don’t like to be the only one talking, much less talking  this much” he chuckles lightly “Tell me, what’s your name?” She smiles, finally having calmed down after the initial shock of having one of her idols teaching her. “Blair Storm” she states proudly. Mick raises his eyebrow once again “Stage name?” he questions. She shakes her head, “Pretty cool, huh?” she's still smiling. He gives her a grimace and nods “yeah, sure kid” He looks around and sighs ‘Hey, how about we go sit in my dressing room, we can keep talking there.” his back was beginning to hurt so he was glad when she quickly agreed and he let her in through the door that was right beside the instrument rack. Once they're both inside he motions for her to take a seat on the couch in his dressing room, he sits beside her and looks at her, his regular unamused expression on his face, he can’t help but let a small smile crack through when he sees the excitement in her eyes, the sweetest smile on her face. “Why aren’t you out there partying?” he asks curiously “Well that was my plan but then i saw your guitar and just came in this direction” she shrugs her shoulders and he just nods slowly, reaching over to the table and getting some Jack Daniel’s “drink?” he asks, she nods so he pours her some over some ice and hands to her. Little does he know that she’s never had whiskey before and her heart begins pounding.

 He just takes a swig from the bottle and watches her slowly take a drink, her cheeks become bright red and she begins coughing. Her throat is burning and she screams “Oh my god!!!” Mick tries to not laugh but he can’t help it, he does stand up from the couch and goes over to her “Just breathe, its ok” he rubs her back as she gasps. Embarrassment fills her small body up.

Nikki and Tommy had been making their way down the hall, coming to get Mick and see if he wanted to come drink with them when they hear the screaming, assuming he’s got a girl in there they start laughing and acting like silly teenage boys. “Duuuuude he’s finally getting some!” Tommy jumps in excitement as they make their way to the room. When they get closer it’s quiet and Nikki wiggles his eyebrows, his hand on the doorknob, ready to bust in and catch their friend in action.

Mick had given her water and she had calmed down, not only was it her first time drinking whiskey but she had also been so nervous that it went down the wrong way. Mick was laughing at her as she slowly started laughing as well, her cheeks were flushed pink. “Damn, kid, it sounding like I had given you straight up rubbing alcohol!” As they are both laughing it off the door slams open, making Blair jump and almost spill the whiskey she had been able to start sipping on. Tommy sees Mick and some hot chick sitting like 3 feet apart on the couch and sighs, making a frowny face “aww man! Did we miss it?” Nikki looks at Mick and then at the girl, she's way too pretty to be a groupie and not drunk enough. “Miss what, drummer?” Mick asks with his monotone voice and a frown on his face. “You getting some pussy man!” Nikki laughs, his eyes focused on the girl. Mick shakes his head and before he can say anything Tommy does a facepalm ‘We interrupted it right before it happened didn’t we?” Mick sighs and rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Nikki looks at him “You mean to tell me that you’re just sitting here boring this girl to death?” Blair lets a small laugh out and finally speaks “Um actually we were just hanging out and he was teaching me things about guitar” Nikki rolls his eyes and confirms  “So boring you to death. Why don’t you come party? We’ll go have some fun” he says, a devious smile on his face. Her face immediately goes back to a deep pink shade but she stays quiet, she looks over at Mick and her gives her a nod. 

“I’ll go party” Blair stands up, fixing her short dress. “We’ll finish later, kid” Mick says as he lays down, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses on. “Bring me more booze” he demands. “Oh here, i’ll leave this bottle with you” Tommy sets it down on the table beside Mick. Nikki smirks and takes Blair by the hand and leads her out of the dressing room. Tommy follows behind them and runs past them, yelling loudly “Wooooooohhh” Nikki laughs and starts walking faster. “Wanna do some blow?” he asks as he pushes the door open, a brand new world before her eyes.

Tags: @triplehaitches