#its trauma city tonight

[blueyellow8green]

Isha has literally no voice... Isha has no backstory outside of meeting Jinx. Isha's painted hair turning her into powder. Isha's fascination with gadgets, and games, and pranks. Isha being Powder. Isha killing Vander. Powder killing Vander. Jinx watching herself, her product, her maker, destruct again... Oh it's over she's going to go insane.

[harmcityherald]

Sin City Theme Song

[moonlight-prose]

RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME

➛ 02. LOST IN TIME AND SPACE

a/n: logan angst with this fic is all i've been thinking about. mainly because he's the kind of man to swallow all of his feelings until it eventually kills him. so that's super fun to work with. and that scenario is basically this entire chapter. so please root for him, but also know he's not even close to dealing with his trauma. also the x-men timeline remains convoluted as fuck, so if the past of the logan who died doesn't make sense it is what it is. this is fanfic and we're all here to fuck him.

summary: the past is a thing he couldn't ignore. yet he still tried. and when the opportunity to spend a day with you utterly alone arises, he realizes that perhaps he doesn't want to forget about what brought him here.

word count: 6.6k+

pairing: logan howlett x f!reader

warnings: not explicit, angsty as fuck, some fluff, grieving a past he can never have back, logan goes through it, kissing, he's horny, me slightly abusing my literature degree, heartache, panic attacks.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST

Logan never liked when the city fell silent. He hated the city in general. It unnerved him; scratched angrily against his chest until he couldn't find the peace he strived for. The city at night was filled with small noises—bangs in the distance, shouts of drunks wasted in the streets, and people finally turning in for the night.

They reminded him of the wars, the echoey expanse of nothing. Where every sound set his teeth on edge.

The cheap leather fabric of the couch stuck to his skin as he turned. He shoved his body into a standing position—his hands curling into fists. His skin remained sticky with a thin layer of sweat which only served to incense him further. Given the apartment's shitty air system, he'd be struggling through this for most of the summer. A fact he tried his best to ignore in the hopes that the fall weather would reveal itself sooner.

With a groan, he stripped himself of the thin tank top that clung to his skin. It didn't help to ease the humidity that hung in the air. It barely helped to cool off his body. But he'd take what he could get when what he could get was so little.

Wade's snoring echoed through the thin walls as he stood there, his body begging for a bit of sleep. Even if his mind refused to shut off. Images of you played through his head on a loop. The past was shadowed in pain, memories dipped in a venom he once wished would kill him eventually. Yet seeing you yesterday—a version that remained untouched by the depravity of what already happened—launched him back into a time that never seemed to be very far behind.

"You weren't there! And they needed you."

Silver ebbed from his knuckles as he faced the window—eyes shut and chest heaving. There was no question the sweat came from the humidity in the air. The cold chill along his spine however stemmed from you.

"You're not the Wolverine Logan. You're just a disappointment."

He fought the snarl that worked its way up his throat. A heavy pounding began to form at the front of his head. A drum he couldn't escape.

"Live with that."

If he opened his eyes. If he refused to give the memories even an inch of space in his mind. He'd have caught you standing there rummaging in the kitchen. A mug of tea forgotten on the counter the second you caught a glimpse of him getting up from the couch. You tugged at your sleep shorts as you stumbled towards the window—eyes heavy with sleep that simply wouldn't come.

Most nights it was easy. Long days at work left you utterly exhausted. To a point where staying awake felt odd and incomplete.

Tonight felt like hell.

No matter how many times you tossed and turned, you couldn't get the thoughts to settle. And all of them seemed to filter their way back to the man who currently faced you—his eyes shut and fists adorned with silver claws that slowly slid their way to freedom. You nearly dropped your kettle when he tore off his shirt, revealing sweat slicked skin lit up by the streetlights outside.

If you were braver you'd ask him to come over, join you in a sleepless night. But he had yet to see you standing there and you weren't one to draw attention to yourself.

So you stood and watched as he fought with whatever must have woken him up so late in the night. You witnessed his battle and wished you could be the one helping him. Maybe then he'd finally fall asleep soundlessly. His mind clear—body free of phantom aches from injuries that still haunted him. He may heal incredibly fast, but the mind...that took far too long to piece itself back together.

Before you could turn away, back to your now cold mug of tea, his eyes opened. Fixating immediately on your form in the window.

Few people in his life were able to calm the thunderous storms he weathered in his own mind. Jean and Charles did what they could. They brought back what he once thought was lost forever. Even you attempted to ease him from what he lived through—what he endured.

But that seemed to be the one thing your variant self was unable to comprehend.

He didn't need someone to fix him. He wanted someone to see him. To understand that there was no cure for a person this broken, no easy way out when things got this bad. He stood before you as a man riddled with far too much—scars that you'd never be able to see—yet he could see no hesitation in your eyes.

Something pulled at his stomach at the sight of you in small shorts and a tank top. Your skin exposed to the city as you watched him carefully. You analyzed him in a way that didn't make him want to put up a facade. And he found he liked it when you looked at him like this; with a burning need to know more clear in your gaze.

Your eyes trailed up his stomach, lingering on the hair that dipped down into his sweats. He wanted you to be here. Or him to be there. The location didn't matter as long as he could reach out and touch you—feel the warmth of your skin beneath his palm.

Minutes passed before your gaze found his face and Logan felt an itch in his body at the notion that you were fascinated by him. That even in a different universe with completely different memories, you couldn't help but be drawn to the man he was.

The horror of destroying another version of you should have made him want to turn away from the window.

Then you smiled.

A slow sleepy grin that lit up your face. You probably didn't think anything of it—simply a small offer of kindness in your shared sleepless night. Logan however swallowed it down as if you'd given him the best tasting whiskey on this planet. His chest tightened, head dazed as you stood there looking with enough reverence to kill him.

If only he could see the way your insides melted at the sight of him smiling back. The thoughts of lust and like racing through your mind the longer you stood there.

Eventually the sun would come up, you'd be called to work, and this would become a brief passing memory you'd both hold onto down the road.

Until that moment though you remained in this spot. Fighting the drowsiness for a chance to watch him a bit longer. To trace your eyes along his body and soak in the expressions that played across his weary face.

You could feel the prick of sleep in your eyes, your body dizzy as it begged for you to finally give in and crawl back into bed. Yet how could you leave him there? How could you walk away?

He seemed to catch the way you bit back a yawn and chuckled. Pressing his hand to the warm window, he nodded at you. To anyone else on the street it might look nonsensical—comical even. To you his message was loud and clear: Go to bed and I'll be here in the morning. I promise.

Reluctance yanked at your heart when he nodded again, his hand falling back to his side. Yet no matter how hard you tried to keep yourself awake—if only to steal another second of his gaze on your body—you knew it was futile. Fighting sleep never went well in the morning when coffee was your only salvation. With another smile, you waved slightly—pressing your hand to the window briefly as if to respond to his silence with some of your own.

Sleep well. I'll find you in the morning. I promise.

Logan woke up to the blaring horn of a taxi right outside. The shout of a man bounced off the buildings, cussing about traffic and for someone to get the fuck out of his way. He groaned, turning to his side in the hopes of catching another thirty minutes. But the city was alive and thrumming with its own heart beat.

To others the echo might have been familiar—peaceful.

To Logan it was like nails being dragged along a chalkboard.

"I fuckin' hate this city," he growled, getting to his feet and snatching his tank top from where he'd left it last night.

Surprisingly the apartment rang out with a sound he had yet to experience in this place. Silence. He peeked in the bedrooms briefly, expecting to find Wade still passed out. An empty room was all that greeted him—the fucking stuffed unicorn propped up perfectly on a surprisingly made bed. There was only one reason Wade tidied up his room.

Vanessa.

She was coming by here or Wade was going with her. Either way Logan didn't want to be around to hear what came next. He'd been privy to one too many nights of Wade reconciling his differences with Vanessa and all of them ended with Logan's head beneath a pillow. That or he snuck out to wander the city at night until he finally returned to a quiet apartment.

For a brief moment he wondered if he could find you at your place; his eyes settled on the view of your window across the one way street. The lights looked off, the living room empty. And he craved to know where in this city you disappeared to during the day. Where did you work?

Would you mind if he visited you there? If he took some time to hear your voice, see your smile.

He grabbed the shitty coffee bag that was tossed on the counter. No doubt due to Wade making some this morning. The machine was old, nearly broken, but it would make do for the time being. A neon yellow sticky note was stuck to the top—the scrawl of Wade's handwriting familiar.

Good morning peanut! Coffee is hot like you. Don't call me. Don't beep me. Because you don't need to reach me today. If you do, I'm at Ness's scoring for tens all across the board. I'm talking the head—

Logan groaned, crumpling the note and tossing it on the counter. Knowing information that Wade would probably tell him anyways wasn't how he wanted to start his afternoon. The cabinet creaked as he opened it, the plain blue mug he claimed as his sat in the front.

Another yellow sticky attached to it.

OF CHAMPIONS. I knew you wouldn't finish reading the note you gorgeous Canadian/Australian bastard.

P.S. Sweet angel's number. I was told to give it to you.

P.P.S. GET. SOME. (For the both of us.)

A crude drawing of Deadpool fucking the air was scribbled in the corner. The details were far too graphic for him to look at longer than a few seconds. Logan would have tossed the entire mug in the trash, but your number enticed him to stick it to the fridge as he made coffee strong enough to make the hair stand up on his arms. He glanced at it every few minutes, tracing the numbers as he considered what this meant.

Was this you telling him in simple terms that you wanted to get to know him? That his past and whatever he buried was something you wanted to learn.

His gaze burned a hole into the yellow paper as he drank his coffee, his mind racing at the possibility of speaking to you today. Some cash was stowed in the trunk Laura dragged from the previous Logan's home. Her claim was that he deserved to have it. Since he might have understood what it meant more than she did.

From what he could tell this universe's Logan was saving up for something—the wad of cash in the bottom of the trunk remained enough for him to get by until he found a stable place to set up a home. Somewhere near the mansion that still existed. He wasn't prepared to be a part of that life again just yet, but that remained the only spot that felt like home to him.

Even in a different universe.

Snatching the note off the fridge he grabbed his flannel, boots, and enough cash to last through the day. He had no location in mind. But knowing you wanted to spend time with him became the motivator he needed to actually leave the apartment.

The city was bursting with life—sounds filling the air as if it would replace the oxygen they consumed. He did what he could to ignore it. Slipping past people with ease, his eyes fixed on the small store that sat on the corner. He debated on ordering from the cafe across the street, wondering if you liked the place. If you came here for coffee and breakfast on days off.

He made a note to ask.

Thankfully the shop wasn't crowded with people—a shitty pop song blasted over the speakers. One he knew Wade would play to piss off your next door neighbors. Whether or not you actually liked Wade's music taste never crossed his mind. Or did you go along with it? Willing to do what it took to make them suffer.

"Just this," he grunted, tossing enough cash down to cover the bill and then some.

The burner phone was small in his palm as he yanked it out of the box and flipped it on. He didn't bother with getting an actual phone. What the fuck did he need that for? But this...he could do to make you entering his life a bit easier.

Every part of him screamed to push you away—make you hate him—but for the first time in his life, Logan didn't listen.

The shop door swung shut behind him as he dug out the sticky note, punching your number in carefully to not miss a single digit. Somehow in the midst of chaos, he was able to shut off the city noise when the phone began to ring. Half of him expected you not to answer. It was the middle of the day, you were at work, and this was probably more a hindrance than anything else.

Your voice filtering through the small speaker put his worries at ease within seconds.

"Hello?"

His heart jumped as he exhaled. "I hear you gave Wade directions this morning."

"Logan?" you asked, voice louder than before. The echo of someone shushing you came through, making him smile.

"Hey Honey."

A shaky breath left your lips. Logan felt his stomach clench at the realization you liked when he called you that.

"I didn't know you had a phone," you replied, much softer than before. "Wade told me you were too old for technology."

"Don't listen to anything that mouth tells you."

You laughed, breathy and cute, and he bit back a groan at the sound. "I'm glad he was wrong."

"He normally is."

"Where are you today?" Shuffling and a door shutting caught his attention as your voice rose in volume again.

A horn went off beside him, piercing his hearing. "Standin' on the street."

"Near our places?"

Oh he liked the sound of that. "Mhm." Another soft breath reached his ears; he felt his body go warm. "Where are you today honey?"

"Work." If he could see through the call, he'd catch you smiling. How your teeth dug into your bottom lip to stop the embarrassing giggle that nearly spilled free. "Do you...um...do you want to see it?"

The words slammed into his chest like a truck. The innuendo nearly enough to make him drop to one knee here in the middle of the street. And suddenly Wade's note came back to his mind. The crude drawing flaring to life as he pictured you saying those exact words in an entirely different situation. If he was a better man his jeans wouldn't have tightened. If he was a better man he'd have ignored it altogether.

Logan wished he was a better man. You longed for him not to be.

He cleared his throat, his grip tightening around the phone. "Where?"

"New York Public Library."

Vaguely the directions came back to him from decades past. He wondered if the building sat in the same spot on this universe as his own. In a rush of words, you gave him some instruction. He agreed to be there as soon as he could.

"See you soon Logan." The excitement wasn't hard to pick from your voice. That still didn't stop him from trying.

"Wait–"

"Yes?"

He turned. "Rosemary's? You like their coffee?"

Another laugh escaped you in a breath and Logan felt the walls around his heart chip. "Love."

Twenty minutes later you were greeting him on the side of the building with a smile he felt down to his adamantium bones. A warm coffee was pressed into your hand, a sandwich tucked safely into a small paper bag in the other. For the entire afternoon he formulated things to say to you, stories to tell. Yet all that came now was an awkward smile and a greeting that made his chest burn uncomfortably.

You thought nothing of it. Even as you led him inside and asked him about his morning. The sight of him holding coffee and wearing a grin was enough for you to lose it a little. The breath knocking from your lungs, warmth spilling into your stomach.

"I didn't know what you wanted–"

Taking another sip, you grinned at the glimpse of red that dusted the tips of his ears. "I don't mind what you got."

A stain of soft pink remained on the cup; Logan's eyes attached to it within seconds. You could see the way his pupils dilated slightly—his throat bobbing at the sight of something so small and delicate. That didn't help the way your heart flipped whenever he was near. As if he'd taken control of all your emotions—all the baseline wants that you could normally ignore.

"What do you do here?" he rasped, focusing on the way you watched him. Though the glaze of sleep was gone from your eyes, the way you analyzed him still remained.

"Archives."

Unlocking another door, you led him down a flight of stairs. The elevator would have been the easier route, but he didn't possess a badge nor a library card. You were pretty sure he wouldn't have gotten one either way. So sneaking him in was the way to go until you could convince him otherwise. What you didn't know was that you could have asked anything of him—anything you wanted—and he'd agree without hesitation.

He followed close behind, unwilling to let you get a few feet away. As if he was drawn to you in ways that didn't seem possible.

"I work on making sure things are properly placed in the correct spot. Older books, newspapers from decades ago, stuff like that."

Humming, he watched as you opened the final door—letting him see the grand room that lay below filled with an infinite row of bookcases. Boxes that had yet to be gone through, files not placed properly, and piles of books that stacked on rows of tables. Each one contained a certain label of where they belonged.

"So a librarian?"

Laughing, you shut the door behind him with a soft click. "Kind of. I'm not working upstairs and handing out books like the actual librarians do. We hermits down in the basement prefer the term archivist."

"Hermits," he huffed. "You don't look like a hermit to me."

"Looks can be deceiving Logan."

That was a fact he knew too well. One that kept him up at night, replayed in his dreams without end. Oftentimes he wondered if he'd been the one to deceive. If his persona and reluctance to help gave others the impression that he was the man to turn to. The hero they needed. He never asked to be seen that way—never wanted it—yet when the time came...he couldn't run away from the truth.

The idea of telling you all this came to him last night as he watched you walk back to your room.

What stopped him was the image of the other you, grief stricken and horrified as he stumbled home from the bar.

"I have some questions for you." Your voice pulled him from his thoughts.

The small table in the back was free of books and you took a seat, pulling your sandwich from the paper. He took the chair across from you, his legs bumping into yours as he tried to cram them in the small space. The apology was quick to land on his tongue. Although your smile and the feel of your ankle curving around his leg killed it instantaneously.

"I'm hoping you have some answers."

He swallowed thickly, ignoring the way you shifted—your knee brushing his. "Now that depends."

"On?"

"Are they easy questions?" He grinned at the way you spoke around your mouthful of food—intrigue lighting up your eyes.

You slid half the sandwich towards him, not pretending to see the way he tried to refuse. He took a bite when your foot jammed in his calf. A pointed look crossing your face as if to say: eat because I know you haven't.

"What am I like?"

He nearly choked on the bread. "Do you mean..."

With a nod, you grabbed another bite, oblivious to the way his tongue swiped along his bottom lip. His eyes fixed on the way your teeth sunk into the meal and oil spread at the corner of your mouth. Tearing the sandwich in half would have been the better option. Biting where he mouth was seemed to be what you liked better.

His insides stirred deliciously, heat forming at the way your lashes fluttered at the taste.

"The other me," you mumbled, giving him the rest. "You said we were friends." When he didn't respond you kept going. "Wade alluded that we might have been...more than friends."

Fucking Wade Wilson.

Logan leaned back, his hand curling into fists in his lap as he once again fought the urge to take off. "He sure likes to run his goddamn mouth."

Anxiety sparked in your chest and you fell silent. Perhaps it wasn't the right time to bring it up. Or even something to bring up. Yet curiosity always ate you alive—the idea of not knowing the full truth. And when Wade briefly said Logan was still pining over a version of you that didn't exist on this Earth, you tried not to let it consume you.

You fought against your baser instincts in the hopes that one day he'd tell you himself.

Then he showed up. Offering you coffee and friendship and possibly more.

How could you ignore it then?

You knew he was watching you, could feel the burn of his eyes along the side of your face. Silence echoed loudly in the room as the old wooden bookshelves creaked and the chatter of people upstairs began to filter down below.

"I'm sorry," you uttered, doing what you could to move past whatever this was. "I shouldn't have asked. We can go look at some stuff if you want. I have newspapers from the seventies you might want to see–"

"I loved you."

You froze, head whipping around to meet his solemn gaze.

"On my Earth you were mine." With a sigh, he leaned forward. "And I fucked it all up. No I didn't just fuck it up. I ruined you."

"Logan..." you breathed. "I'm not them."

"I know." Sorrow flooded his hazel eyes—the grief playing across his face like a film you shouldn't be watching. And for the first time...you saw the man Wade spoke about. The broken version of a Logan that was found in a bar wallowing on his own world. "But I can't do that to you again. I won't."

This wasn't an omission of the truth. Nor a confession of his greatest sins. This was a promise lined with the guilt of his past. Memories of a time you'd never witness played out in his mind and he longed to show them to you.

To give you a piece of what he once had with a version of you that loathed his existence now.

But that isn't why he happened upon you on this Earth. History would remain exactly as it was. He couldn't change that. However, this—whatever he shared with you now—he could keep safe. The promise he made so long ago might finally be shown the respect he never thought to give it before.

"Come with me," you said softly, standing with a hand outstretched for him to take.

With a hesitant breath, he wrapped his calloused palm around yours and let you take the lead.

Past bookshelves and rows of boxes stacked nearly to the ceiling, you stopped at a shelf marked with words he'd seen a thousand times before. X-MEN. You tugged a box free and carried it to the table behind you—the top flipping open with ease as he caught sight of the pile of papers within. A list was taped to the side of what this might contain. Names he knew, people that might still exist on this Earth.

"This is all we know about the Logan in this universe." You pulled out a file, a picture of his variant clipped on top. He was rugged—aged.  "It's not much, but it shows a bit of his past."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"So you can see what others see."

You handed him a photo of the X-Men. Jean and Scott stood on either side of Charles. Logan was off to the side, a cigar in his mouth and a cocksure grin on his lips. He hated the man before he knew him. Always hearing how fucking wonderful he was; how great a hero he used to be.

He selfishly wanted to be everything this version of himself was.

He wanted to be the hero he could never amount to.

"What happened to 'em?"

You glanced at the image, pulling another file out. The name punched the breath from his lungs as you flipped it open. JEAN GREY: ALIAS - PHOENIX. An image of her smiling at a lecture was pulled free—her hair red and down to her waist.

"I don't know much, because well Charles Xavier never disclosed information about the X-Men lightly. But...something happened to her. From what we know...Logan was the one to kill her."

The file fell on the table, his heart twisting violently in his chest as the words flooded his mind. He killed her. He killed Jean. The woman he once loved before you came into his life. Something severed in his body, the breath in his lungs was suddenly hard to come by. But the touch of your hand on his kept him from completely falling into that dark pit he fought to climb out of.

"He–" Logan sucked in a breath and shut his eyes to the image of Jean. "He killed her?"

You nodded, silent while he processed the information. Showing this to him wasn't an act of malice—he knew that. You didn't want him to suffer. You simply wanted to prove that the Logan that once existed wasn't the greatest to have ever lived. He was simply a man suffering the plight of guilt the universe handed him.

He had his own cross to bear. His own nightmares to fight through.

In some ways...they weren't so different.

"You're not the worst Logan," you admitted, letting him lean into you. "And he wasn't the best Logan." Your hand pressed to his cheek, eyes soft and warm. "He was just a man who was offered a terrible hand in life."

Logan huffed, his forehead finding yours as he breathed in your scent. "So you're sayin' I'm just a man?"

"I'm saying that the James Howlett in this universe probably thought he was the worst Logan too."

The words shouldn't have struck him the way they did. Their truth, louder than anything in this building. But the blunt and hardened reality stared him in the fucking face, and he had no choice but to meet it's gaze. The Logan of this world wasn't perfect. He fucked up. He ruined things. Yet he found a way to fix them. Put the pieces back together in order to obtain something that resembled the image of his life.

As much as he fought to claim he wasn't anything like the Logan that once walked this Earth.

He was finding it hard to see where they differed.

"Show me somethin' happy honey," he replied gruffly, his hand finding your hip with ease. "Show me somethin' you like."

The smile you rewarded him with placed some breath back into his chest. "What like books?"

"If that's what you love."

"I don't think we have enough time."

His hold on your hip tightened. "'M here all day."

"Yeah?" Turning away from him, you dug through the box. Down to the very bottom. "They found these at what they think is his grave."

Silver flashed in his vision before you were pressing a pair of dog tags into his hand. The name WOLVERINE was etched into the metal—its cold touch practically burned the skin of his palm. For years he thought he'd never see these again. A piece of his past he couldn't bring with him.

"I thought you'd want to have them."

"They're his," he croaked.

"And you're the Wolverine. They're as much yours as they were his."

Fingers closed around them as the chains dangled from his hand, and Logan felt his heart place another bit back into the correct spot. He never believed he belonged with people. Never wanted to hurt them. Yet life continued to surprise him. The metal was familiar to his touch. Years of toying with them, of having their comfort on his chest, kept him sane at some points. It helped to remind him of who he was.

Without even realizing it...you gave that back to him.

He wanted to tell you how much this meant. How grateful he felt. But he was never good with words.

So he pressed his lips to your cheek and let them linger there as heat pulsed in your body. The race of your heart made him grin. Simply knowing you liked him hiked up his ego in ways he didn't need at a time like this. But like the Logan that came before...he was a sucker when it came to resisting the aspect of love.

"Show me around bub."

You slid your hand into his, your lips nearly brushing as you turned to catch his gaze. "Okay."

"Why work there?"

The city at night exuded a different kind of energy that you frequently craved during the day. A fun lightness that normally hit when the clock struck six p.m. and people were finally out of work. You were allowed to leave earlier than expected due to a birthday gathering of coworkers going on downtown.

An invitation was offered. Until they saw Logan standing behind you and your plans for the night became clear.

"I love history." He offered to walk you home. You accepted on the single condition that he'd stay for dinner. "How humanity went from one thing to the next and so on."

He scoffed and wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you out of the way of someone barreling by. "You don't have to explain that part to me bub. You're lookin' at a man who lived it."

"Did you?" The look you gave him had the feelings of want he pushed down earlier rearing their head. "Actually live through it?"

"I was born in 1832."

With a gasp, you clutched his arm. "Were you really?" you exclaimed. "That means you saw so much of history. Things we might not have written down."

And suddenly within moments...there you were from his world. Bright and beautiful and in love with the past. At first he believed it was due to your abilities; now he understood that's just who you were deep down. Always in love with what you couldn't fully figure out—the past you could see if you managed to travel back far enough.

"You have to let me pick your brain for facts."

He tugged you closer, stopping off to the side of the busy street, until you were stuck in his hold with nowhere to look but up at him. "Picking my brain ain't gonna be fun honey."

Your eyes were wide, lips parted slightly. "I disagree."

"You forget. Different universe. The history I know might be different from the one you know."

No matter how hard you tried, you could never hide the disappointment that flooded your eyes. "I'm sure it's not that different."

"Hm." He pressed a thumb to the top of your cheekbone, struck by how soft your skin felt beneath his. "Why don't you tell me yours. And then maybe I'll tell you mine."

The double entendre was layered in the lust that clouded his vision—the need that burned in his stomach. Logan hoped you understood it. Could see how much he ached for you. How you affected him since he first caught a glimpse of you yesterday. And seeing your pupils dilate, your chest heaving slightly, made his swell with pride. Saliva filled his mouth at the thought of one day getting a taste of you, but the sound of a horn going off behind him shattered the moment.

You stepped back with a deep inhale, your hand still in his. Which only served to prove Logan's point.

He fucking hated the city.

"Dinner?" you breathed, voice raspy with that feeling you tried to fight against.

Logan managed to turn you inside out. Pulling exactly where he needed to expose your heart. That alone should have terrified you. Yet the thrill of knowing him, of seeing where this might lead, kept you enamored and wanting for more.

"Lead the way."

What plans you created and meal you planned to order were lost the second you ascended the stairs to your apartment and stood in front of your door. The silence of the building was deafening compared to the noise outside. So much so that every breath you took echoed loud against the shitty yellow stained walls. Logan could hear the thump of your heart as it rammed within your chest. Quickening the closer he stepped towards you.

You turned, your back to the door and eyes dazed—unfocused. "I can order something."

His nostrils flared as your familiar scent began to deepen, mix with the arousal that seeped through your body. "That could work."

"What do you like to eat?"

The smile he gave you could only be described as canine. Near feral. "Dangerous question honey."

"What do you–" Shock flashed in your eyes, heat spilling into your face as the words finally processed. "Oh."

Logan wasn't hungry in a way that might seem normal to you. He didn't want to taste you, he wanted to devour. To feel you in ways that would scare you shitless. He craved you potently—viscerally. And perhaps it would scare you off.

Although something told him it wouldn't.

Silence no longer felt all consuming and horrid when he took one more step, crowding you against your door. You should have kept the conversation going. Laughed it off with a flippant smile and an offer of real food. Though neither of you could give a shit about dinner. That fact became evident the second he cupped the back of your neck and slotted his lips against yours.

A moan of surprise tore from your throat and Logan let out a growl to match. He kissed you fervently. Lips pressed hard and hot against yours, tongue sliding along your teeth, and somehow it never felt like enough. He'd dreamed of this for years. For the taste of you again, the gentle grip of your hands that dug into his hair and pulled.

That alone sent a groan echoing down the hallway, his body colliding with yours as your back hit the door. Your teeth found his bottom lip while his hands slid down to your ass, gripping and tugging until you could feel the prominent bulge through the denim of his jeans.

"Logan," you gasped, your tongue meeting his with another sharp tug on hair.

He slammed a hand against the door beside your head, his hips rutting down as you met the movement with one of your own. You wanted to drag him inside. Needed to feel his bare skin on yours. But something pulled tight against your chest as he stuttered into the kiss. The unfamiliar sound of his claws sliding out and puncturing the wood of your door made you jump.

"Sorry," he muttered, sliding his lips down your throat—teeth nipping the vein. "Happens."

"You owe me a door." You sounded breathless.

He brought his lips back to yours with a fury you'd never experienced before. "I'll buy you a new one." Your hips dragged along his, nails digging into the hot skin on the back of his neck. "I’ll fuckin’ make you one," he snarled.

The thought of someone passing by, seeing you nearly held up against your door by a man who's claws were embedded in it, was laughable. Yet you couldn't stop wondering what would happen if you let this go further. If you allowed him to take you right here out in the open.

Logan could smell the way you dripped for him and it drove him fucking insane. His body begged him to keep going. To slam open the door and bury himself in you right there on your kitchen floor. The way you whined into his mouth, rubbing yourself along his crotch, told him you wanted the same.

And he might have done just that.

If they hadn't started.

They're dead because of you!

Memories flashed in his mind with a rage unlike the past few times. Your face, tear stained and rageful. The way you used your powers against him. Tried to kill him for what happened. It all came rushing back with a lungful of air that burned.

I hate you!

"Logan?" You pulled back slightly, hands cupping his face with enough care he could feel the sting of tears start to build. "Are you okay?"

It should've been you that died Logan. Not them.

He sucked in a breath, ripping himself away from and stumbling a few steps back. Fighting against the past wasn't new to him. He'd been broken by it before. But now he couldn't even enjoy the sight of you with swollen lips and ruffled clothes, because all he saw when he closed his eyes was the other you.

The one he broke.

"I'm fine." His voice was raspy as he choked out the words.

A need to help him rang through your body and Logan could see it. He knew how badly you wanted to come to him—to hold him. This simply wasn't your battle to fight. He refused to change that in any way.

Standing up straight, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. An apology for the actions he was about to take.

He only hoped you wouldn't hate him for it afterwards.

"We'll do dinner another night, honey."

"Logan–"

"Goodnight." Walking away from you felt as if he'd ripped a hole in his chest with an adamantium bullet. One that wouldn't heal like before.

The dog tags were now wrapped around his neck, choking him like a collar he couldn't free himself from. A reminder that even the Logan of this world was unable to stop himself from destroying the one he loved. That was the plight they carried.

Their greatest grief. The one thing they had in common.

This...he could accept.

[ririblogsss]

Danny in central City pt2

part 1

Danny is chilling in the dorms rooftop again, when he feels a very powerful gust off wind. Looking to the side he finds impulse the local teen hero of Central City. Danny only nods his way and mutters that the stars look very pretty tonight. Impulse manages to hear him and looks up, but the night sky isn't visible because of all the light pollution. Super-eyesight he notes it down In his brain. Impulse asks for his name while he sits down besides him Danny responds meekly.

The silence is so loud even though there's cars and overall noise of the city. Their science is tense. Danny thinks that one wrong move and he'll get handed to the GIW for experimentation and extermination. Impulse is thinking of the best way to approach Danny without spooking him away.

In the end Danny decides to break the silence, as he's always hated awkward silences and feels the need to constantly talk in order to make it feel less tense."Did you know hot ice exists? yeah like about 33 light-years away is an exoplanet called Gliese 436 b. The planet is composed of different water elements, which form burning ice, so in essence there is a thing that is hot ice" Danny just continues to ramble all the facts he learn past midnight during high school. Hoping that impulse would just get tiered of him or get called back by whoever is behind the coms. But it doesn't happen Impulse lays next to him looking up at the sky listening to him ramble making humming noises and nods to show he is listening.

Danny doesn't know what to do he's running out of topics and facts fast and its not like he can just leave. So Danny does what anyone that's in the same type of situation does, he starts trauma dumping on accident. Well Dannys not sure its trauma dumping it has nothing to do with his half death or ghost or really anything after his 13 th birthday.

"You know my parents have a lab in our basement" Impulse chokes on air but Danny continues on "yeah its pretty cool when I was 4 I was allowed to go in and experiment with all the substances along as my older sister was there" Impulse face, or what Danny can see of it looks contorted in a grimace/sad look, so Danny immediately tries to back track."Wait wait that sounds like I was in danger, I wasn't I only made mustard gas twice before I learned all the components that made It and made sure to never mix them, and I only burned my hand 6 times with the surface mix lamp, and I got pretty good at using it. look see this" Danny holds out his wrist with an intricate bracelet made out of glass, it has green, blue and black accents on it swirling. "WAIT you made that, brUHHH that's amazing likeomgyoucouldsellthisiwouldbuythisitssocool......." Danny had to strain his ears in order to fully understand what impulse was saying as he went on a tangent about how cool the bracelet was.

"Here" Danny says holding out the bracelet, Impulse blanches and tries to refuse saying that he doesn't need it or whatever but Danny is stubborn he keeps holding out the bracelet unrelenting until impulse takes it and puts it on. "Consider it a gist from a fan and a thank you for sitting with me and listening to me ramble about space" Then Danny stands up stretching himself and starts heading towards the stair case. Leaving a dumbfounded impulse behind.

Danny hears a whisper of 'What the fuck' before he hears the distinct break of air that only comes from speedsters running off.

[jnkgrnde]

— like a tattoo, clarisse la rue, pjo

summary — in which, the camp is still recovering from the second titan war, and you and clarisse find comfort together in the form of trauma and guilt.

pairings — clarisse la rue x black!fem!reader (daughter of zeus)

authors note — we love trauma bonding! i literally js pick gods names out of the name hat for the reader 😭

the camp was buzzing, but not with its usual warm, exciting buzz. it was a more dark, clouding buzz. it’s a few days after the war against kronos, and a majority of the camps residents are injured, or near death, or recovering.

you were one of the lucky ones, only getting almost near life threatening gashes, and leaving with some bruises. others weren’t so lucky, ranging from broken bones to nearly impossible wounds to heal from using ambroisa and nectar.

it was hard on clarisse, too.

she’d lost her newfound friend, silena beauregard, to a drakon that had been unleashed on the city. she’d died a hero, doing what clarisse refused to do.

in the time after the war, you and clarisse had been attached to the hip. you’d been in eachothers cabins, walked around camp together, trained together. some nights you’d spend in her cabin, like tonight. you had your back to her chest, her having her arms around you.

“are you okay?” you asked. even though she was the daughter of the god of war, you knew it still took a toll on her. “not really.” she confessed. she watched as you twisted her fingers a bit, and her grip on you tightened like you’d wither away any second.

“i.. i just feel like if i had just gone to help you, she’d still be here.” she felt a chill thinking about silena, revealing her shame to you. “she died a hero. at least think of it like that. did you come at a wrong time? yes, but you came regardless, and you helped avenge her. think of it that way.” you told her. she breathed in deeply. “yeah… but i could’ve lost you-” “and you didn’t lose me. i’m still here,” you reassured her. you tilted your head up a bit to get a good look at her.

“i’m right here. and you’re holding me right?” “yeah.” she whispered, looking into your eyes. you reached your hand up to gently rub her cheek as she looked at you with glossy eyes. “jus’ scared of losing you.” her voice broke. a tear slid down her face.

“i’m not going anywhere, sweet girl, i promise you that.”

[shadowdarlings]

Rain & Redemption II

Tamlin x Reader

Synopsis : The Lord of Spring has returned, with his nightingale in tow. While readapting to civilized life you and Tamlin face reality together.

part one

Pairings : TamlinxReader

a/n : so i am really digging the first part of this story and decided that i want to continue writing at 12:07am so i hope you enjoy this as much as i did <3

Warnings : slight angst (with comfort), mentions of trauma, suggestiveness, as always possessive tamlin (in a good way)

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Dinner with Tamlin was a drawn out affair. The deer he hunted down, no doubt in his beast form, had to be prepped and cooked. While he began dressing the fallen creature you took it upon yourself to begin sifting through the discarded and destroyed artifacts that littered the dining area. Although the manor had been shredded and abandoned, you couldn’t help but marvel at its refreshing beauty. Here there was light. Massive glass windows looked out to a rose garden that was surely once well manicured. The sun had already started its descent past the horizon but light still streamed in from every corner. The manor was everything that your home under that gods forsaken mountain wasn’t. The Hewn City was all darkness and stale air. You began sorting things into two piles. Items that were fairly unharmed were deemed “to keep”, others that had been completely torn apart were tossed into a discard pile. The two of you worked diligently in silence until he looked up from the deer and said, “You never told me your name.” You tore your gaze from the chipped vase in your hands and met his stare. “You never asked,” you began with a playful smugness, “but it’s Y/N.” Something unreadable flickered in his green eyes before a slight smirk cracked on his face. “Well, Y/N,” he said with a dramatic pause, “our dinner is ready to be cooked. How do you like your venison?”

You both agreed that without a working kitchen that a fire would be the best way to roast the deer. While he built a fire you toyed with an idea. “What if we preserved some of this beautiful bounty into something that will last beyond a night?” you asked him. Tamlin threw another piece of wood onto the makeshift fire and answered your question with his own. “As in a jerky? How do you mean?” That was exactly what you had meant. The future of your time in this manor and when you would next have a full meal was entirely uncertain. The topic had hardly been broached. “Unless you intend to spend the rest of your days hunting and building fires, it might be a prudent idea.” He looked you over before replying, “Smart, little bird. We’ll make two steaks for tonight and dry out the rest. It should preserve overnight and we can feast on jerky for weeks.” Satisfied with your quick thinking you helped him prepare the meat for roasting.

“What did you mean when you said you are not fit to be a ruler?” you asked after another bout of silence. Tamlin stilled his spinning of your dinner over the fire and his gaze shot to the flames between you. “I’m sorry,” you quickly said, “If I’m prying too much.” He did not look up from the inferno but said quietly, “I have abandoned my people and my post. Those who reside in the Spring Court put their faith in me. I have failed them again and again, in so many ways.” You blinked once at his brutal honesty before prodding further. “Will they not look to you once more? Surely there is a way to regain their trust.” His eyes moved from the fire to your own. They were filled with such sadness, such regret. “I would not know where to start, little nightingale.” You scoffed lightly as his response. “Well,” you began, “I think leaving those woods and coming home is already a start, wouldn’t you say? If you’re willing to return just to ensure the safety of a lone Night Court citizen, I can’t imagine what you might be willing to do for your people.” The sadness in his eyes faded ever so slightly as he said, “Since you’re so full of wisdom tonight, pray tell how might I continue this path of redemption?” You smiled at that.

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Tamlin was restless. Every time he started to fade away, sleep evaded him and he was jolted awake by poisoned memories. He had declared that he wanted to sleep outside the manor to stay alert for any looters or more dangerous creatures. He’d shifted into his beast form and taken post directly in front of the entrance just as night had overtaken the Spring Court. Truly, he was not sure if he was ready to sleep under this roof again. The two of you had talked for hours, discussing your histories and what the future of the Spring Court might look like. He’d escorted you to your room and bid you a gentlemanly goodnight, but your conversation replayed in his mind endlessly. A loose plan had been set in place to begin repairing his relations with those that depended on him. You had been so eager and determined while you both brainstormed ideas for making amends. He admired your tenacity yet was not fully convinced that this plan would work effectively. The thought made him queasy. His heart began a pace that tightened his chest and he was sure that if he’d been in his fae form that his palms would be sweaty. Tamlin shoved his anxieties down and recalled what you had told him about Rhysand, about how he’d condemned the entire Hewn City to a life of cruelty and rot. Although the idea of tomorrow sent him into an unending panic, he did not wish for you or any of his people to endure the same neglect for another moment.

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The morning light creeped in through the open window in your bedroom. It took a moment to recall everything that had happened, where you now were. The bedding had been dusty but a few shakes had it cleaner than before. You didn’t mind dirt, you’d spent a year lying on the forest floor. Waking up in a soft bed had become unfamiliar, but you relished the softness of the pillows and blankets before sitting to stretch your limbs. Moving to the armoire, you sifted through the clothing to find a pale green dress and a set of cream slippers. The outfit was plain but you didn’t particularly mind. Your mission for today did not require glittering attire. You fixed your hair into a loose braid and pulled two strands from the front to frame your face. After giving yourself a once over in the looking glass you deemed your appearance fit for the task at hand.

Tamlin was already dressed in a tunic and pants that were similar in style to the night before. You only gave yourself a moment to admire his wide shoulders before clearing your throat. He turned from his work on the piles you had created the night before and said “Good morning,” before he faltered. His eyes widened slightly and dragged up and down your figure. Meeting your gaze once more he choked out, “Well don’t we look the picture of Spring today?” You rolled your eyes at him and moved to take the picture frame from his hands. “We have a job to do, remember?” Tamlin huffed out a weak laugh before replying, “How could I ever forget?” He looked tired. You wondered if he slept as marvelously as you did. Considering that he spent the night on a set of marble stones you didn’t know how he possibly could.

The two of you moved outside to where the deer had been smoking overnight. Indeed it had preserved itself into a jerky that would remain edible for weeks. He started packing the strips into the wooden bin you had found in the kitchens when you said, “I have another idea.” He did not pause his movement or even look at you as he said, “Of course you do.” You pulled a basket from behind your back and waved it in front of his face to draw his attention. “I was thinking,” you began, “we should gather some flowers to take as well. These gardens are completely overrun. There are flowers and berries that need culling anyhow.” He straightened and assessed the gardens before the manor. “As you wish,” was all he said. Tamlin had been quieter than he was last night. You thought it best not to pry further and with his permission granted made your way into the thick of the garden and began collecting the fruits of spring.

When your basket was full and Tamlin had stored all of the dried meat you both began your trek to the nearest village. On horseback, he had told you, it would only take a half hour to reach your destination. After the fall of Spring his array of horses had all been stolen or set free by anonymous citizens. After two hours of walking the two of you were tired and parched. A nearby stream trickled with fresh water and you both drank deeply from its supply. “It’s just over that hill,” he said. The hike had been mostly silent. You were learning to enjoy quiet moments with the High Lord. It was almost as if you had a mutual understanding that the silence was not rude, but instead a peaceful reprieve. “No turning back now,” you said, standing from the stream and straightening your lightweight gown. He grunted in acknowledgment as you both continued your parade to the village.

The sight of the meager town was heartbreaking. Several houses and shops had fallen into rubble and the village center had looked as equally abandoned as the manor. Tamlin halted immediately, his breath quickening. Sensing his discomfort you moved to lace your fingers between his, squeezing tightly. The High Lord did not balk from your touch but instead gave a light squeeze back and continued his approach. The two of you reached a small home that had a plume of smoke rising from a stone chimney. A sign of life. Unlocking your hands you raised a fist and gave two sharp knocks to the wooden door. A few moments of shuffling and then the door swung open to reveal a gruff looking fae male. His eyes first landed on you, then travelled upwards to the towering Lord behind you. The male’s eyes widened with shock and reproach. “To what do I owe the honor of this visit?” he spat at you both. You calmed the annoyance that flowed through you and made your voice gentle as you said, “I- We come to offer a favor to you and your home.” The male looked down at your basket and the dried jerky Tamlin held in his hand. “We don’t need your charity,” the male responded, “we’ve been fairing well enough on our own, girl.” A sweet voice sounded from further into the house, “Mikah? Who is it?” A pretty looking female stepped into the light of the entrance and put her hand on Mikah’s arm. When she turned her gaze to the two of you her expression almost mirrored the males’. “Our High Lord and his… this girl have brought favors.” She looked down to the goods you had presented and back to Mikah. “I told them we were just fine,” he said with a hint of finality in his tone. The female scoffed at him and observed the two of you once more. “We are most certainly not,” she started. “Invite him and the girl inside.” With that she turned and strode back into the house. Mikah gave Tamlin an incredulous look but opened the door further for you to enter.

The female’s name was Cera, you had learned. She fussed over dishes and refreshments as she lamented about their struggles. The village had been ripe for naga attacks and most residents had decided to evacuate the area for fear of their families. “Mikah did not want to leave, of course. He spends most of his days hunting, although they are not always fruitful.” You and Tamlin listened carefully to her story. There were only a few families that had stayed after his disappearance. They all struggled. You glanced over at Tamlin and were met with a stern face. His jaw was set and his eyes were dark with despair. Underneath the modest wooden table you grasped his hand once more, turning your attention back to Cera. The four of you spoke for several hours. You and Tamlin expressed your willingness to help in any way you could with the naga and the rebuilding of the village. After exchanging the dried meats and gifts from your basket, the two of you made your way back to the front of their house. “Thank you for having us,” you said “It’s been a pleasure making your acquaintance.” Cera reached out to pick up your hands. She looked at you then at Tamlin, her eyes pricked with tears. “Thank you for coming back. We need you,” she said. He nodded his head towards her and straightened as he said, “I could not have done it alone. It will take all of us to rebuild. I am thankful for your time.”

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Tamlin let out a heavy sigh when the two of you began your walk back to the manor. The day had been filled with conversations like the first he’d had with Mikah and Cera. The two of you had made your way to most of the families remaining in the village and presented your gifts as well as your pledges to restore their homes and lives. He was exhausted. Once the two of you had crested the hill overlooking the town he paused. You looked at him in curiosity. He was overwhelmed with emotions… gratitude, despair, grief, hopefulness, apprehension. Without thinking he grabbed your waist and pulled you close against his chest. He could hear your smooth, calming heartbeat. He breathed in your scent and closed his eyes. Only two days ago he had been more beast than man. Now he was walking on two legs and meeting with the people who had once trusted him. He felt your hands wrap around his middle as you nuzzled into him further. He could have stayed like this forever, but you pulled back looking up at him with those bright gorgeous eyes. “You did well today,” you said to him still in his grasp, “I’m proud of you.” Tamlin hadn’t heard such perfect words in a very long time.

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Taglist : @lilah-asteria @booksnwriting @stained-glass-eyes0708 @anxious-cactus @thrumbolt @jesskidding3 @acotarxreader @nocasdatsgay @scorpioriesling

[fanon-elio]

By your side.

Part 3

Summary: You are the CEO of a big company and hired Lycaon as your personal attendant, however it seems that your wolfish butler has developed a crush on you. So while you and him were on a business trip, both of you were forced to confront your growing feelings for eachother.

Tag: Green Letter (Sfw)

Pairing: Von Lycaon x fem!reader (afab)

Disclaimer: This story is completely fictional and is not canon. You are responsible for the content you consume, so if the following warnings trigger you, you may read at your own risk.

Warnings: Fluff, Slow burn'ish, long fic, mutual pining, reader is smaller than lycaon, lycaon is down bad horrendous, friends to lovers type stuff, some flashbacks here and there, spoilers for lycaon's agent story, lycaon is a teeny tiny bit possessive.

Angst, Mentions of injury, mentions of death, social anxiety, reader lowkey having a panic attack, trauma.

Other warnings: lowkey my first fanfiction, so bare with me here. (T^T)

I added some throw-away characters to the story as plot devices, no they're not oc's and they hold no importance to the story other than providing character development.

We don't know that much about Lycaon's past yet, so take everything you may read here about his backstory with a grain of salt.

This fic contains a lot of scenarios written in Lycaons pov cuz i eat this shit up for breakfast.

Welcome back once again.

I apologize for the short delay, i have been sick these last couple of days. But I managed to get it done, even though Tumblr ate my draft and I had to start from scratch. Shaking, crying, throwing up, ripping my hair out.

Once again, I apologize for possible mistakes you may find, and constructive criticism is always appreciated.

Enjoy!

The sun was slowly setting, bathing the city in a golden hue as you and Lycaon drove through the city. You occupied yourself by looking outside the window, hoping it would ease your nerves about tonight's event. Your eyes wandered with the movement of the car as you noted that the earlier rain had definitely left its mark, the outside area's of the various restaurants and cafes remained empty and the parasol's closed. The sun gently reflected in the puddles of rainwater that still covered the streets, and you watched as life slowly but surely returned to them, smiling as you saw a couple of children jumping into the puddles as the brilliant liquid flew everywhere as it glittered in the sun.

That reminded you of something. Earlier Lycaon had called home, wanting to make sure everything was okay with everyone and the caffee while he was gone "by the way, how's it going at home?" You asked curiously, his ear flicked as you caught his attention "Corin had assured that everything was going well" he answered "everyone is doing fine, and Rina had even kept herself out of the kitchen like I had requested" Lycaon replied with a hint of amusement in his voice, even though Rina accidentally poisoning someone was one of his biggest worries. It was true that Rina was an expert at her job, however cooking had never been her strong suit, and it seemed that no matter how many cooking lessons she took it never improved. So for the time that he was away, they had hired someone to do the cooking and baking in the caffee for them.

"Corin had also asked me to once again thank you for tutoring her" you gasped as you remembered that the exam you had helped her study for was yesterday "oh! How did she do?" You asked, and he smiled, "She has written an A" he responded, and you could have sworn to have heard a tinge of pride in his voice. Even though he was a rather strict boss, he was still very understanding and supportive, you always found it endearing how Lycaon took care of Corin and Ellen as if they were his own daughters.

You knew that Lycaon's employees could be a handful sometimes. Be it Corin's clumsiness, after a cup of coffee you had once ordered accidentally landed in your lap instead of on your table. Ellen's tardiness, when you would find her asleep in the most outlandish places. Or Rina's lethal cooking, you had once experienced first hand after having been offered one of her "Chernobyl cocktails" as Ellen called them. And goddamn, you think you could never forget that excruciating stomach ache.

But you knew that they worked hard and had the spirit to do well. And, if you were fully honest, Lycaon had his own lovable peculiarities as well. Like his obsession with cleanliness, the way he attracted the attention of all the dogs in the general vicinity, or even the way he would glare daggers at a squirrel if he spotted one.

The car ride slowly came to an end as Lycaon pulled into the driveway of the building the gala would take place in, you noticed all the expensive and extravagant cars all neatly parked next to each other which made you remember yesterday's mess with Mr. Goldman, much to your dismay, you really hoped not to run into him tonight since you were already nervous enough.

If you were fully honest, high society had always been highly exhausting for you. You came from a humble backround, not having been born into wealth but rather accumilated it over the years thanks to hard work. In truth, everything overly extravagant made you feel rather uncomfortable, you never really understood the appeal of wearing expensive designer clothes, and most of them looked hideous to you anyways. So much so that you and Lycaon would always joke about it when watching fashion shows on TV.

This humbleness reflected in your living situation as well. You lived in a normal house in a normal neighborhood a few minutes away from Lumina square, so if no one knew because you had deleberately told them, they would never suspect you to have a net worth over several billion dennies.

You enjoyed the freedom this gave you, being able to walk around undisturbed without being followed around and having your day to day life broadcasted to everyone on social media. This also allowed you to form genuine bonds with people who stuck by your side for you, and not for your money. And even though your best friend Zhu yuan was rather chaotic you did love her like your own sister. You wondered if your in-person-attendance today could potentially threaten that freedom of yours.

Lycaon seemed to notice your nervousness and put a reassuring hand on your shoulder "don't worry, whatever happens tonight I will not leave your side" you smiled in reply, your heart soared at the way he touched you, gentle as if handling porcelain.

Both of you exited the car and Lycaon offered you his arm as you walked to the front entrance, the smell of rain still hanging strong in the air, and you reminisced of a time before you two had met. Well, officially at least.

Unbeknownst to him, you've actually had your eyes on him for much longer than he knows. All of it started when Zhu yuan was forced to take some time off and you tried to distract her from thinking about her job by going shopping. It had rained that day just like earlier, and you had walked down the street with your umbrella in hand. It was then when you had seen him through the window of his maid caffee. You had never actually believed in love at first sight, and always believed it to be a clichee.

Until it hit you pretty much square in the face.

And as luck would have it, your every so worried parents had hired exactly him to watch over you and your mental health, from which day oneward your feelings for the wolf thiren only seemed to grow stronger and stronger.

And since that day, he had never left your side.

You noticed the plethora of photographers and reporters standing by the main entrance, and you stiffen in response. The flashing of the cameras made you feel nauseous, as you made your way over the red carpet trying to stay as unnoticeable as possible "excuse me miss y/n!" But you had no such luck, it seems "I'm from Eridu today, and I must say it is a pleasure to see you this evening, it is not often that you give the public the opportunity to enjoy your company!" The reporter said, holding her microphone at you, and you looked at the cameraman who accompanied her. You noticed your reflection in the void of the camera's lens, and you swallowed, feeling your heart drop to your feet.

A new scent reached Lycaon's nose, one he didn't like. Fear. He had worried that this might happen, you weren't used to such media attention. Naturally, you were overwhelmed by suddenly having everyone's attention on you, with the knowledge that hundreds of thousands of other people were watching you behind their screens.

He discreetly placed his hand against your lower back, his warm palm gently signaling you that he was here, and that he had your back. He noticed you seemingly relax a little in response. Gathering all the confidence you had, you responded "O-of course, being here this evening is a matter of the heart for me" the reporter nodded, her emotions hidden behind a smile that you weren't able to pinpoint. "I see it as my duty to be present for tonight, in solidarity for the victims of the Vision cooperation" you continued, the thunderstorm of camera flashing once again flooding your senses. It was overwhelming. "That is wonderful! It's true that this scandal had shaken the community to its core" the reporter said, and you hoped a simple nod was enough of an answer for her "Master, we should get going" Lycaon responded, and you released a silent breath of relieve. You could kiss him for helping you get out of this situation, well you could always kiss him if you were being honest. With his hand still on your lower back, he gently guided you towards the main entrance.

As soon as Lycaon and you walked through the front door, you could instantly feel the stares of the other guests fall on the two of you; some in surprise, some in awe even and yet some others in confusion.

You tried to swallow the lump that was once again forming in your throat from your growing unease of being the center of attention at the champagne reception. You tried to focus on the feeling of Lycaon's hand on your back in order to distract yourself from the stares that pierced you from every angle. Lycaon himself was still worried of your growing discontent, however he was still so proud of you for having confronted your fears. He himself was used to having others attention on him all the time, be it because of his height and stature, or because of his prosthetics. But you didn't, why else did you keep yourself out of the public eye where you could. He took your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze as a small sign of encouragement. You smiled to yourself, squeezing his hand back. With him here, you were sure you could make it through this night.

Both of you took the drink you were offered, and made your way towards the main hall, you looked around, noticing some familiar faces you've seen once or twice on TV while a lot of the other guests present were completely unfamiliar to you, but you weren't that surprised, you normally never appeared on events like these, always dismissing the invitations, and only rarely ever gave interviews. You couldn't fathom how awful it must be not being able to go outside without paparazzi waiting for you like circling vultures, and wondered how all the famous singers and actors could live like that.

You wondered if Lycaon ever had to deal with them when he was working for other clients, and silently amused yourself on the thought of your wolfish butler trying to fend off a horde of camera wielding paparazzi.

After some time of walking among the sea of attendees, and being greeted by one or two, both of you finally reached your designated table. You thanked Lycaon when he pulled your chair out for you to sit, secretly gushing over his gentlemanly gesture as you went over tonight's schedule in your head again.

For starters, the host was going to hold a speech followed by dinner and afterward a charity auction. "Is everything alright so far, master?" Lycaon asked, and you gave him a playful thumbs up "so far everything is going well, knock on wood it stays that way" you told him, and he nodded in agreement, especially after having seen Mr. Evergreen and his wife amongst the attending guests and even though there was no bad blood between him and the Evergreens, the embarrassment he felt was still quite strong, even though he wanted to ask how Lilac's art classes were coming along.

"Say Lycaon, I'm curious about something" you started, his ears perking up immediately "please master, feel free to share your curiosity with me" he said reaching for his glass to take a little sip "could it be there are other clients of yours here tonight?" you asked mirthfully "there are indeed, may I inquire why you ask?" "Oh it's just that i saw the Evergreens earlier" you told him and he nearly choked on his drink.

Your little banter is interrupted by the sound of someone clinking their glass, blanketing the room in silence. While looking for the source of the sound, you let your gaze wander across the hall, briefly stopping when you noticed a familiar face amongst the crowd. Your brows furrowed in annoyance when you recognized Mr. Goldman and his wife, who looked equally as annoyed as you, sitting just three tables away from you. You silently saluted her for somehow miraculously finding the patience to put up with his bullshit... and his face.

"I'm honored to welcome you all" your eyes shifted to the front of the hall, now finally spotting where that earlier sound came from "it fills me with joy for having you attend tonight's celebration" a woman in a wheelchair spoke, and you could have sworn that you've seen her somewhere before "I dedicate tonight's gala to those who work tirelessly to help those in times of need" she continued "for those stricken with illness and injury, and those in poverty, who need our support dearly" as those words left the woman's mouth and entered Lycaons ears, he internally scoffed at her, wondering where all this support was that they were praising themselves for? Painfully clenching his jaw as he was reminded of his own past.

Where was it when his parents died, and he had to live on the streets, or when he had to join mockingbird just to survive, stealing from those who could have lent their aid but never did, always favoring status and profits above their humanity. Even after the violent injuries inflicted on his body, the memories of which still rob him of his sleep, it was due to his own diligence that helped him regain his life and that allowed him to now sit amongst the people he secretly loathed so much.

However... it seems that amongst the rubble, some gems can still be found; he glanced at you and his gaze softened.

You weren't like them, you actually cared about the lives of others and this is exactly what you modeled your business after, exactly why he loved you so dearly. It was your gentle nature and kind heart what made him fall for you in the first place, and god has he fallen hard for you. You give those stricken with illness and injury the oppertunity to walk through life on their own feet again. You work hard to give them back a shred of normalcy, trying to get them back on track after their life had been so crudely derailed. And yet, you still kept the delicacy of the moment, never prying neither your clients, nor himself for answers. Something he greatly appreciated about you, because he was aware that this question had burned on your tongue for the last one and a half years now. But, as graceful and as kind as you are, you opted to wait for him to open up to you, and he would eventually when he himself has found the courage to lay his heart bare to you.

His tail slowly swished from side to side as he once again marveled at the sight of you just like he had done yesterday in the car. Tonight however, things seemed different somehow, tonight you shined so much brighter; instead of being illuminated by the sun's rays, you have appeared to have become the sun, burning away the shadows of his pain and insecurity.

Memories of you two filled his mind has it really already been one and a half years? Time really does fly by when you're enjoying yourself he thinks to himself and recalls one special moment in peticular, the moment he had fallen for you.

Back then he had taken quite a beating during a comission with master proxy, breaking his prosthetics in the process, and having to spend a night in the hospital due to a concussion. He still remembered the shame he felt when he had called you to inform you about his sudden absence, and the suprise when you showed up not even half an hour later to check up on him. But most of all does he vividly recall the feeling blooming in his chest when you came back the next morning, with his prosthetic in your hands. Fully repaired. He had thanked you, having felt beyond gratefull that, not only had you taken your time, money and effort to get them repaired. But also because you had spared him the feeling of dread and hopelessness when he thought about having to leave the hospital in a wheelchair.

And even though you had helped him get back on his feet, by that time he had, figuratively speaking, already been on his knees for you.

You two had already experienced so much together, having gone through thick and thin, supporting eachother where you could. And he wanted to experience so much more with you. You turn your head, once again feeling his gaze on you, but this time he doesn't turn his head away, locking eyes with you instead and relishes in the smile you grace him with.

Maybe all of his past trageries were worth it if it ment he could remain by your side.

Applause replaced the silence as the host concluded her speech, and dinner was served, though it had been rather uneventfull. However Lycaon chuckled when you celebrated its disctinct lack of caviar. He felt a sense of satisfaction while he watched you eat. He was glad that now he was sitting across from you during an official dinner, instead of some desperate cretin who would constantly make a move on you - on his favourite person.

But not all good things can last forever. It seemes that said desperate cretin had read Lycaon's mind, thinking it a good idea to apporache your table.

"It's nice to see you tonight Ms. Y/n" both you and Lycaon had to fight the groan that desperately wanted to escape you both when Mr. Goldman appeared, sucking out all the positive vibes out of the current situation with his mere pressence alone. "I hope this dinner was more to your liking?" he inquired, which confused you that he had enough self-awareness about the abysmal choice of cuisine during your not-so-fun get together, but apparently not enough that he didn't see a problem in flirting with another woman that wasn't his wife. You were terribly tempted to snitch on him to his wife but scratched that idea, opting to get tonight over with while avoiding any inconveniences.

"It was" you responded shortly, hoping that he'd understand your unwillingness to talk to him right now, but he seems to once again lack the self-awareness necessary to understand. "I just wanted to once again inquire about possible business cooperations with you, since I'm going to be an investor and shareholder soon" he cackled, and you raised an eyebrow at his weird display, Lycaon watching both of you intently. "It is nice of you to inquire, we'll see if you qualify" you said taking a sip from your glass "what do you mean if I qualify?" he asked you rather uncertain if he had understood you correctly, while mimicking air quotes "I say so simply because our last meeting left me on a rather bitter note"

and you weren't just talking about the food, that was for sure

"was it because I didn't invite him-" he once again pointed at Lycaon "-to my party?" He asked "for one, yes" you said putting your glass down "please Ms. Y/n, a pretty Lady like you couldn't possibly be that petty-" you held your hand up, politely stopping his rambling "I have made my decision, please be assured that I will respond to your offer in due time, however-" you crossed one of your legs over the other, gently perching your hands on your knee "-I must disappoint you when I say that the possibility of you becoming a Shareholder has unfortunately never stood in question, I hope you understand" you explained "regardless, I wish you a pleasant evening" you finished.

Mr. Goldman was about to object to your words when Lycaon's voice coldly interrupted him "She wishes to no longer speak with you, I must kindly ask you to leave" Lycaon glared daggers at the smaller man in front of him who didn't budge an inch at first.

It infuriated Lycaon, he wouldn't let anyone ruin this special evening for the both of you, not when everything was going so well.

"Please don't make me ask twice" Lycaon once again sternly inssisted, his gaze rigid as it bore into the individual infront of him. For a while Lycaon and Mr. Goldman just glared daggers at eachother, both not saying a single word. You on the other hand were taken aback by Lycaon's sudden shift in attitude, but nevertheless thankfull. It made butterflies erupt in your stomach and you wondered how he'd become even more attractive to you than he already was to begin. After a while, Mr. Goldman walked off with a huff, visibly upset and, you thanked Lycaon for helping you out. Internally giggling at his display of protectiveness over you.

After a while, the auction began, luring the wealthy participants with expensive artworks and antiques. Even though none of the shown items really interested you, exceptions being a few pictures you thought would look great on your wall at home, you still planned to buy some of the items to resell or donate them instead of letting them catch dust in your or someone else's attic. So around 700k lighter and happy you let the auction go by while you bemusedly observed two people battle it out over a kitschy rooster shaped lamp, while Lycaon thought that everything had come full circle after you bought the Evergreen's painting that had started the whole drama with Lilac, Master proxy and him in the first place, secretly he wondered if maybe he could persuade you to donate it as well so he wasn't forced to look at it while he cleaned.

The auction finishes and the night seems to be slowly coming to a close. Some people had already left; either because they were tired and just really wanted to escape this labyrinth of endless formality, or because they were just really curious about the contents of the goody bag the host had prepared for everyone to collect on their way out as a final little goodbye.

You on the other hand made your way towards the Woman's bathroom, having told Lycaon to wait for you at the table. He had frowned a bit, not liking the thought of you going off on your own while Mr. Goldman was still scurrying around the building like the Rat he is, but you assured him that you'd be fine.

As you walked through the bathroom door, you noticed Mrs. Goldman standing in front of the mirror, fixing her own make-up. You cringed, internally throwing your purse to the ground at mach speed as you cursed your bad luck... "oh hey! I know you!" ...but you were definitely in for a surprise.

---~---

Part 4 ->

To be continued->

Ah I'm glad this part is done, it was so much more complicated than it had to be honestly. A small part of me died when that draft suddenly vanished into thin air, it was so infuriating.

But all is well that ends well.

Speaking of ending, i think this chapter also marks the half way point. I think this fanfiction will maybe have 6 parts in total, but it depends if I feel like writing an epilogue or not.

Until then, I wish you a pleasant day/evening, and hope you'll stay tuned for the next part.

-Elio

[flowercrowngods]

🤍🌷 @stevesbipanic and @the-winged-doe asked to see ugly unpolished unrefined words, soo—

cw & tags: past major character death, grief, attempted time-travel fix-it(s), eddie&robin besties || potential wip

Eddie takes a long drag of his cigarette, the biting hot smoke hitting the back of his throat and clawing its way into his lungs, going as deep as he allows and leaving a permanent mark that brings neither relief nor calmness tonight. His fingers shake where they’re pressed to his lips, but the rest of him is unmoving where he sits on the front porch of their new trailer. 

It’s quiet out here. It’s always quiet in Hawkins these days, the city a fucking ghosttown. 

And he knows it’s not because of the one they lost. He knows it’s not because of him. But still the emptiness is stark and the silence oppressivem more so than it ever has been. 

Everyone still looks for him, months later. Dustin still begins to speak, cutting himself off mid-sentence, and Robin still stands with enough space to either side, like she expects him to just show up and invade her space like the home he made for himself in there. 

And somewhere among all that is Eddie. With his very own history. Or, non-history, as it turns out. But history and non-history leave wounds alike, and the memories feel just as real. A small mercy, at the end of the day, for them to feel real when they’re all he has left anymore. 

He takes another drag, not quite exhaling before he obliterates the cigarette and fishes for a new one before the butt even hits the ground. 

Fumbling with the lighter in his pocket, he only gets as far as placing the butt between his lips before a hand snakes into his field of vision to snag it from his mouth. 

“Hey,” he complains halfheartedly but makes no attempt at getting it back, watching instead as Robin comes up to sit beside him, grimacing at the stink of tobacco that must be heavy around him. 

“You’re disgusting,” she says with no real heat behind her words.

Eddie shrugs, because yeah, sure. He’s been called worse things. Robin’s called him worse things. This is her being nice. Her complaininig about his incessant smoking is nothing new. What is new is what she does next, placing the cigarette between her own lips and reaching for the light he’s been holding in a loose grip since she arrived. 

She starts coughing immediately, pulling a face at the disgusting feeling of smoke in her lungs and tobacco on her tongue. But she keeps going. Eddie can only watch in surprise and mild horror. 

“These things’ll kill you,” he says then in an echo of her usual sentiment, aware that he sounds as bewildered as he feels. 

“Well,” Robin says, aiming for casual, but quickly interrupted by a wheeze and a cough that’s almost adorable. “Let them try.” 

Eddie huffs, a pale little smile lingering on his lips as he leans back against the stairs behind him, resting his weight on his forearm to watch her. There is something captivating about her. Eddie always wonders what it is, wants to study her forever. 

Maybe it’s only the lingering traces of Everything Steve Harrington that clings to her every breath, her every move, her every fucking cell, with how much he was a part of her and she of him. Maybe it’s their shared grief that has made Eddie fall a bit in love with her and with the way the moonlight catches in her hair and in the smoke wafting from her cigarette. 

But somehow he refuses to believe that all he loves about her is merely the memory of Steve. 

Robin, in turn, is kind enough to let him stare. Kind enough to let him find out what it is between them. If this friendship is more than a misguided projection of grief and mourning and trauma; more than co-dependence and the obsessive will to keep this one person in your life. This one person who understands. 

After a while of Robin just holding the cigarette between her fingers, becuase no matter how strong her will to self destruct, she never quite got it right with the smoking, Eddie snatches it back before it goes to waste completely. As if pulled in by a string attached to his hollowed out chest, Robin leans back and into him in one smooth motion. It’s too calculated, though, and Eddie can feel how much she sags once she doesn’t have to hold herself up anymore. 

He’ll hold her. It’s fine. She gets to rest if she wants to. God knows she needs it. 

The night is warm for mid-September, but still Robin shakes against him. Eddie holds her closer. 

Silence settles over them, and it’s not an easy one. Silence is never easy anymore, especially with them. He feels so deeply hollow that even the silence echoes in there, creating an ever-present, uncomfortable thrumming of apprehension and anxiety within him. A certain sense of doom, one that can’t quite decide if it’s only an echo itself. 

“I wanna stop time,” Robin says at last, the cigarette long dead between Eddie’s fingers, but he somehow can’t bring himself to flick it away. “I don’t want tomorrow.” 

I don’t ever want a new day. I don’t ever want another tomorrow. I just want Steve. 

They ring in his head still, another echo that only hollows him out further every time it reaches him — Robin, overcome with hysterical grief, screaming and crying, curled up on that hospital floor, her cries quieting down and making Eddie wish she would be loud again, because the quiet was what killed him. The quiet, the whispered words, the declarations that tomorrow could go fuck itself if it came without Steve made him wish, irrationally, desperately, that their roles were reversed. That he could have died and Steve could have lived, and Robin would never have to wish tomorrow never came. 

He’s not entirely sure if she remembers the words, too. If she even said them in this world. 

So he takes a deep breath, breathes away memories and non-histories, feels the heavy weight of his guitar pick hanging around his neck, resting on the scarred flesh of his chest, and tries not to think of the one string left on his acoustic guitar. Tries not to think of his one last attempt. One last try. 

“I know,” he tells her. “Me neither.” 

He peers over her head, lifting his left wrist to check his watch. Ten minutes until midnight. Ten minutes until Steve’s birthday. 

“It’s not tomorrow yet,” he tries lamely, and Robin huffs — the sound wet and bitter and hopeless, making Eddie’s eyes sting. 

“It’s always fucking tomorrow,” she rasps, her voice flat and wavering, and Eddie knows her well enough to know she’s about to cry. And she knows him well enough to do it. 

“I know,” he says again, and reaches for his necklace through his shirt. One more attempt. One more try. One more chance. His eyes burn. 

She turns to him after taking a moment to compose herself, peering up at him through her lashes. 

“Tell me again?” 

His heart falls, the tense apprehension vanishing from the air, bur quickly replaced by something a lot more heavy. Something that looks and smells and feels like grief. 

They both know he’ll do anything she asks. He can’t really bear saying not to her. And not about this, anyway — she’s the only one who knows. 

She’s the one who should have had the chance. 

“Which part?” he asks, holding a new cigarette out for her to light it. She does, and the both follow the flame of the lighter Robin always keeps in her pocket these days. 

She leans forward and takes a drag. Eddie lets her. 

“All of them.“

Eddie sighs, pain welling up inside him, and he closes his eyes against the night sky. “Robbie,” he pleads, but he doesn’t finish his plea. He’ll do it. He’ll do anything she asks. 

But before he starts recounting the tales of how he almost saved Steve Harrington, he finds himself saying something he never thought he’d tell her. 

“There’s one more.” The words hang in the air, and Robin doesn’t react. Has no idea what’s coming; what he’s about to tell her. The guitar pick is heavy on the necklace around his throat. “There’s one more try. One more chance. I’m… I have one more—“ 

He can’t even finish the sentence. Can’t bring himself to say it, lest it all be jinxed forever. He doesn’t want to hope. Wants to carry this weight for all eternity and never think about all those times he failed to save someone he was never meant to save at all. People like Eddie, they’re not made to save anyone. Hell, they can’t even save themselves. 

Steve was supposed to be the one doing the saving. 

And he did. God, he fucking did. But he was never supposed to— 

Cold fingers wrap around his own as Robin fits their hands together. 

“I hate you a little bit for telling me.” 

Eddie nods, trying to focus on the cold hand and the nicotine in his lungs, trying not to let panic and grief and guilt and the heavy weight of one more chance win. “I know.” 

“Hey, Eddie?” Robin says after a while, the silence stretching on, and it’s almost midnight now. “Can you— Would you do something for me?” 

He turns his head, flicking the butt of his cigarette out into the darkness beyond them. “What’s that?” 

“Don’t— Don’t try to, to save him. Don’t— Just… Just maybe, could you celebrate his birthday with him? Make sure he knows he’s… God, make sure he knows he’s loved? Last year, no one really made time on his birthday and we just moved it backwards but God, could you— It’s almost midnight, and—“ 

“Robbie,” Eddie interrupts her, his voice hoarse and wavering, his eyes burning with tears as he tugs her close and holds her to his chest. “You should go. Don’t you wanna…” 

But she’s shaking her head against him with a vehemence that can hardly be misunderstood. 

“No,” she cries, and it’s more of a sob than anything. “I think if I ever saw him again, I’d… I don’t know what I’d do. Burn the whole fucking world to the ground for him or some shit, I can’t— I’d probably just cry all the time and that wouldn’t be helpful, really.” There’s a weak, wet laugh that bubbles out of both of them, and Eddie’s wiping at Robin’s face, drying the tears and making way for new ones to fall. 

“I’d light a fire for you,” Eddie says, the same weak smile on his lips that Robin meets him with now. “Nineteen fucking fires, you hear me?” 

She laughs again, then buries her face in his neck in a way that never quite fit. In a way that Eddie always knew was supposed to be someone else’s neck. 

But he’s not here anymore. And Eddie can’t get him back. No matter how much he aches for it, no matter how much he learned over and over and over again how easy it is to love Steve Harrington and how hard, how fucking impossible it is to lose him. Over and over and over again. 

And to live without him. This one fucking time they all get. It’s not fair. 

And now Robin is asking him to go back one more time and make sure that Steve knows— That he knows. 

Somehow the thought of that feels nobler than any attempt to save him, to bring him back; to rewrite history from a lonely boy’s perspective and hope that no one else is reading along. 

It feels right, too. Fundamentally and suddenly, and with such an intensity that Eddie knows the decision has been made the second he started telling her. 

Still he hesitates. Robin’s sobs have calmed down, and Eddie’s hand finds its way into her hair. 

“Do you really mean it?” 

She nods.

He nods, too, but slower. Like he’s trying to sway himself. Which way, he doesn’t know. 

“Make him happy.” 

“Okay,” he decides after a while, feeling hollow and desperate, but feeling purpose burning underneath his skin again. “One last time.” 

He unwinds his arms from around her and heads inside to grab his acoustic guitar. The last remaining string, badly untuned because he never dared to touch it, stares back at him in both mockery and invitation. A dare. A chance. A promise. 

Outside, Robin is waiting for him, looking anxious. Eddie wants to hug her. He doesn’t, only tightens his grip around the guitar’s neck. 

“Listen, Eddie, if this is goodbye or something—“ 

“It’s a birthday party, Robsie,” he interrupts her, aiming for light, aiming for brave. “I’m coming back right here.” 

“I know,” she rushes to say, taking a step toward him and wringing her hands. It’s endearing. It’s genuine. Eddie really is a little in love with her. “But, y’know, you don’t mess with time, and I don’t know what all you already changed before and I don’t wanna know but… If this is goodbye, if something happens, I just wanna tell you that I’m gonna miss you. And that I think you’re really cool. And that Steve’s— he’s really missing out, okay. Okay?” 

Eddie breathes, taking in her words and letting them soak into his body, his every last fibre. 

“Okay,” he smiles. “Thank you. You’re… I’m kind of in love with you, Robin Buckley. So there had better be no change in the universe, ‘cause that would really suck.” 

They smile at each other, Eddie with his guitar and Robin with her lighter, and somehow this feels like a deja-vu. The antithesis to a moment forever burned into his memory.

Make him pay. 

Make him happy. 

Eddie tugs on his necklace and plays the string before he can think about it too hard; before he can decide otherwise. 

Distantly, he hears the church bells announcing midnight as the world around him fades. 

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @cryptic-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 @devondespresso @bookworm0690 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)

[k-daydreams]

The Pursuit of Feeling Alive: II. Acting Coy

Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader

Synopsis: cousin to Rhysand and Morrigan, y/n was once her family’s golden child. Faced with trials and tribulations her whole life, she needed reprieve— a distraction. Until a surprise homecoming opens Pandora’s box, and gives y/n a reality check. Especially facing her once close friend Azriel. Friends to Enemies to lovers trope.

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: swearing, angst, angst, angst!! Ooc Azriel being a dick?, flashbacks, mentions of trauma

Author’s note: wow wow, thank you everyone for the support! Kinda strayed from my original idea of this fic, but I’m loving it more. As always like, reblog, and please give feedback if ya can! I love all the messages I’ve been getting! It makes me so excited for this! Anyways enjoy and lmk if you want to be added to taglist?!

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

You stood on the corner of the balcony attached to your bedroom in the House of Wind, gazing up at the remarkable Night Court sky. The stars twinkled above, painting the velvet canvas, while a gentle breeze enveloped you, carrying with it the faint scent of jasmine, a delicate reminder of Velaris' beauty. Aware that this might be your final stay in the city for a while, you cherished every precious moment, savoring the sights and sensations that had become familiar and comforting.

Tomorrow morning marked the beginning of a new chapter in your life—a journey to the Spring Court with your parents and the rest of the night court, where you would wed and live with your soon-to-be husband, the eldest son of the High Lord. Leaving the House of Wind was no easy task, for it had become your sanctuary, but it was your duty to follow the path laid before you. The weight of tradition and family expectations had been ingrained in you since childhood, shaping you into the dutiful daughter you strived to be, hoping to bring honor to your family's name. Sacrificing your own hopes, dreams, and aspirations was not in vain, or so you convinced yourself, fearful of the consequences of pursuing a different path.

As you basked in the soft glow of the moonlight, you allowed its radiant embrace to caress your bare arms, feeling a connection with the celestial bodies above. The gentle luminescence seemed to emanate from your own skin, illuminating the periphery of your vision. Tonight, you felt too numb to dim that light, to suppress the thoughts that consumed you. You had just embraced it all. It had been almost a year since your dormant abilities had awakened, making every fire and faelight burn tenfold, announcing your extraordinary powers. Since then, you have dedicated yourself to honing those powers, training relentlessly while also still excelling in your studies and various skill sets. It had also been almost a year since you were promised to a man in whom you held no interest.

The weariness had settled deep within you, amplified in recent weeks by the wedding preparations and the intense mental shield training by Rhysand. The purpose behind this training was to safeguard Velaris and the secrets of the Night Court from the prying minds of daemati, ensuring no slip of information would jeopardize your mission. Rhysand didn’t hold back with training, pushing you, and when you thought he couldn’t push anymore he found away to break you past the point. No amount of tonics and headache powders could help the pain that raged in your head, even making your body ache. You wished to snap, to surrender to the madness— senility seemed like a preferable alternative to the path laid out before you. You knew better than that.

A rustling sound behind you alerted your senses, accompanied by sturdy footsteps that landed with certainty. Without needing to guess, you knew who had joined you on the balcony, and for the moment, you wished for the company of only your own thoughts. That's why you had taken dinner in your room, denying even your handmaiden's presence. You didn't want your family or the court to witness the turmoil brewing within you. How vulnerable you actually were.

"You've been avoiding everyone," Azriel stated, his voice carrying from the opposite side of the balcony. His massive wings were relaxed hung over the railing, his elbows propped on the ornate material. Though he stood a step away, his shadow slid across the tiled floor, subtly wrapping itself around your ankle in a comforting greeting—a gesture you were too stubborn to admit brought solace.

"I've been preoccupied with making sure everything is ready for tomorrow and the wedding," you replied coolly, feigning detachment.

"You have people for that," he countered, a sliver of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Azriel possessed the uncanny ability to read you like an open book—it was, after all, his skill as the Spymaster. It was more than the skill he had as he has been your friend for almost a century already, and he just knew by this point. He could sense whenever you were distressed, angry, happy, or on the verge of breaking apart.

"I'd like to ensure that all my belongings reach the Spring Court safely," you retorted with a nonchalant tone, your hands resting on your hips. Even if he was right, he was the last person who should be visiting you without a chaperone. The high lord was very strict with orders on who could visit you. Azriel was not one of them.

"Bullshit," he coughed, crossing his arms. You turned to face him, glaring, carefully observing his appearance. Dressed in his customary Illyrian fighting leathers, black and glazed, black gloves concealing his scarred hands, his blue siphons shining bright against your own radiant glow, his onyx hair neatly pushed back, not a strand out of place, and his jawline clean-shaven, he looked as fresh as a daisy, despite his busy schedule.

"Have you considered the possibility that I simply don't want company?" you queried, your tone laced with defiance. He chuckled at your stubbornness in a humorless way, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Your affairs are encroaching on mine at this point," he sighed, his frustration not directed at you, but rather at the fact that you had become a pawn in the grand scheme orchestrated by the High Lord, Kier, and your father. Another piece sacrificed in this intricate game of war, and it was unfair to you. While you remained oblivious to what lay ahead, Azriel had an inkling of the ordeal awaiting you. His spies had informed him about your soon-to-be husband and the nature of his family. He had known the court was everything you despised despite having everything you loved. He knew you were about to become the Spring Court's most prized olive branch and trophy once the night court handed you off, and he couldn’t do nothing about it.

"Sorry if my call to duty is so bothersome for you, Spymaster," your blood began to boil, indignation rising within you. He was upset? You were the one marching toward your sole purpose in life, or so you had been led to believe. It felt like you were going to your own funeral. Yet he wanted huff and puff in annoyance?

Azriel raised his hands in defense as your anger escalated. "I say this out of genuine concern for you, dear dove," he said, his voice gentle. Your heart fluttered at the nickname your friend had used for you—an endearing term that had started as teasing but had evolved into something deeper for you. "I know this isn't easy for you. Morrigan sends her wishes as well."

You scowled, your heart aching for what your family had put Morrigan through when she refused a preordained fate. You wished you possessed even a fraction of her bravery. But you were not her; you were yourself—the Night Court's shining jewel, the rare black diamond that they had painstakingly cultivated and finally gotten right.

"Azriel, what if I can't do this? What if I make a mistake?" Your throat tightened, your body trembling as you fought back the anguish welling up inside you. "I'm so fucking scared," you whispered, a tear escaping and trickling down your cheek. Azriel approached, closing the distance between you, and pulled you into his strong arms. He cradled your head with his gloved hand, the other rubbing soothing circles on your back, while his shadows gently played with the ends of your hair. The dam burst, and sobs wracked your body as you silently cried in his embrace, finally succumbing to the weight of it all. You could smell the mist and cedar on him, and it sent waves of solace through your body. It was one of your favorite smells, if not the top favorite on your list.

"You're going to do more than great," he whispered, his voice a gentle reassurance amidst the storm. "You're going to be the most intelligent, talented, and powerful woman to ever grace the Spring Court with your presence." He gently pulled away, cupping your tear-streaked face, wiping away the evidence of your pain. His hazel irises bore into yours, and a sincere look on his face as he continued. "Did I mention the prettiest as well?" A faint smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you rolled your eyes, appreciating the attempt to lighten the mood. You pulled him back to you, just needing to savor his warmth and presence for a little while longer. He didn’t protest, just rubbing your back as his shadows still continued to play with your hair.

After a while, you pulled away feeling your eyes were getting heavy. "I suppose I should get some sleep. Thank you, Az," you sniffled, your voice still shaky. He nodded, offering you a closed-lip smile.

"Of course, dear dove," he nodded, the moonlight still casting its ethereal glow upon you, making even your stray tears appear crystalline. Retrieving a small box from his pocket, he handed it to you—a black box adorned with a deep purple ribbon. "From all of us. You don't have to open it right now."

You took the box from his hand, your fingers lingering for a moment on his gloved one. He seized the opportunity and pulled you into another embrace, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. Your heart swelled at the gesture. Azriel may have been aloof most of the time, but when it mattered, he was compassionate. You could only hope your husband would possess a fraction of his considerate nature. He pulled away, and you wiped the remaining tears from your face.

"Goodnight, Y/n," he murmured.

"Goodnight, Az," you nodded, watching him as he moved away. His wings rustled before taking flight into the shimmering night sky of Velaris. You allowed him several meters of distance before entering your room. Sitting on your bed, you toyed with the small box, anticipation building within you. Unable to resist any longer, you opened the gift.

Inside, nestled on a bed of purple velvet, was a stunning jewelry set adorned with black diamonds. They were the most exquisite pieces you had ever laid eyes upon. A note was tucked beside them, signed by Rhysand, Morrigan, Cassian, and Azriel:

For our little star.

You had been heavy in thought all morning, memories haunting you, filling your heart with a weird sense of deja-vu. Preparing to leave for the Night Court proved to be a daunting task while nursing a hangover. At least you were staying for another few days, only gathering some belongings to leave with Morrigan when the inner circle left this morning. You wanted to tie up loose ends before leaving the Day Court and returning to the city of Velaris. You couldn't bear to leave Helion clueless on what stood in your affairs at his court; you had left too many loose ends in your life already. This time you were determined to at least end this chapter of your life closed and on a better note than all the others in your life.

The faint smell of the wildflowers and honey from the colorful gardens below breezed through the windows, and light from the morning sun glittered your skin where it was exposed as you moved around your room. You savored the feeling on you as it absorbed through your thin night clothes and robes as you packed. The light was hard to ignore as it buzzed in your veins, the frequency low compared to what it felt like when you weren’t hungover. Your head was already spinning, a whirlwind of emotions and nerves churning about. It was hard to tell whether the flutter in your stomach came from nerves or the remnants of the wine you had indulged in the night into the early morning. A big thanks to Mor, who never allowed your glass to be empty.

You had packed a decent size sack of clothes, but glamoured it into a small coin purse so Mor could easily bring it to Velaris without straining herself too much. Her room was further down at the end of the hall from yours, where she had always stayed in the Day Court (when she had not occupied Helion’s room). Not feeling the need to change out your night clothes yet, you left your room with the coin purse to go visit your cousin.

The day court palace was ethereal and heavenly. Everything from the statues, the molding around the high domed ceilings, the pillars that lined the halls of the palace, to the tiles of the floor were made of marble and quartz. The dome ceilings had murals painted of past day court rulers, great battle scenes from the Great War, and even some of Helion’s closest friends and court members. The halls had endless windows to let the sunlight in with balconies and verandas attached that held sitting areas of gold and champagne colored silk chairs and tables scattered about facing the best views of the grounds.

As you strolled down the hallway, the sunlight embraced your skin, leaving a warm sensation lingering upon you. The rings adorning your fingers glimmered, casting reflections on the polished floor. It was these little details that you would surely miss once you departed—the comforting warmth of the Day Court and the ability to harness your power so effortlessly. In the Night Court, where the moon and stars reigned supreme, the sun’s brilliance was muted, and manipulating light consistently proved more challenging. Lost in your own world and lost in thought, you failed to notice who was walking your way.

“Y/n!”

You looked over and saw Cassian, Nesta, Elain, and Azriel walking towards you. You mustered up a brave face, offering a meek smile. Azriel’s shadows came out of nowhere, swirling and circling up his arms. Almost like they were chirping to him. He subtly shook his arm to rid them, not looking impressed.

“Good morning,” you greeted, tucking your robe closer to your body, trying to cover up a bit more. You couldn’t help but notice the awe in Elain’s and Nesta’s faces as they looked at you. You didn’t think it was because you were in your night clothes either.

“You're glowing,” Nesta said with inquisition, ignoring your greeting. Your skin even through the mesh of your robe shined lightly emanating a soft glow.

Your cheeks reddened and you willed the light down into your being, not doing a great job as it seemed to shine brighter. Cassian smiled broadly, his wings rustling in amusement. Azriel had remained stoic close behind Elain. His facial expression was unreadable, a big contrast to the wonder in the young woman’s face.

“Didn’t I tell you she did that?” Cassian wrapped his arm around his mate, and her eyebrows furrowed together looking at him. She reminded you of a black apothecary cat that hated almost everyone, and Cassian was the stray golden long haired dog that roamed around the streets of Velaris begging for pets and food. It was odd, but sweet.

“I thought you meant figuratively.” She pushed him away slightly, fixing her hair.

“No, no it’s actually literal.” You tried to add a playful tone to your voice in an attempt to diffuse your unease. You felt naked and improper in front of them in just your night clothes. It didn’t help, they were already dressed for the day, all in their traveling attire.

“Intriguing,” Nesta hummed in curiosity.

“I think it’s beautiful,” Elain spoke up. “You’re truly the star they say you are.” You looked at the middle Archeron sister, her features soft and dainty. Her brown eyes are warm like toffee and her hair matched. She had reminded you of yourself many many centuries ago. “I had a lot of time to read in the libraries.”

“I’m in books, I didn’t realize I was of significance.” The statement came out harsher than intended. The feeling of indifference was powerful towards your biological family.

“You are one of the most important court members to exist. Of course you're in the Night Court texts.” Azriel muttered. “No need to act coy.” Though his voice was calm and level, you knew that had been intended as snark.

Your softened gaze hardened as you glared at him, “I’m not being coy, just genuinely surprised because I was also one of the most shunned members.” The air was now heavy with an unsaid tension as Cassian and the sisters looked between Azriel and you. This was the first time you’ve talked to him in over fifty years, of course it was meant to be an argument. Cassian should’ve expected this, knowing his brother's feelings and how your temper got. Knowing how you ended things and the complex history between you two.

“Surprised you’re always put on a pedestal, no matter what your status is?” He jeered. Your could feel your inner rage ignite in your veins. You weren’t some pretty prize or trophy. Not anymore at least.

“Nesta, Elain let me show you the gardens.” Cassian suggested casually. Nesta looked entertained that she got to see the shadowsinger break his mask of cool, but quickly got annoyed at her mate who was pulling her away. Whereas Elain looked hesitant, bracing a hand on Azriel’s muscular bicep, showing her concern before trailing behind her sister.

“We’ll see you back at Velaris, Y/n.” Cassian put his hand on your shoulder walking past you and shooting Azriel a pointed look, escorting the women to the gardens; leaving the other Illyrian male and you alone. You watched as Elain walked away, Azriel’s shadows came out once again alerting the male in front of you.

Your narrowed eyes and the lurch in your stomach betrayed the surge of emotions you felt as you observed him staring after her. That look, the same one he used to give Mor when he thought no one else was watching, the one you used to yearn for—now it made you sick. An insatiable, jealous feeling clawed at you.

“Moved on, I see.” You chided, not being able to filter your mouth. You knew it was a low blow, knowing what you did know, but at this moment you didn’t care. Any warmth you felt from the past night had dissipated and you let your heart iced over once more.

“That’s none of your concern.” He uttered. His eyes a dark hazel as he took you in finally, without the stares of others following. You wanted to shudder under his dark gaze, but you held your composure standing taller, chin jutted out. He stalked towards you until his face dangerously close to yours, his frame towering over you. His steady breath hit your face as he spoke lowly. “Nor are matters in the Night Court.”

You could feel the flames building and intensifying inside you. “Is my appearance not wanted by you Spymaster?” Rhysand said he wouldn’t admit that missed you, but surely this couldn’t be the same Azriel that your cousin had spoken about last night.

He scoffed, “you ran away from us after you were freed. You didn’t even send a letter. I-we had to find out from Rhys once he came back from the cabin!” His smooth voice now gruff from his raising it. Azriel hardly raised his voice at anyone, but when it came to you, he would raise his voice until no words came out.

Your blood was boiling at assumptions he made. “You don’t know what I went through! You won’t ever know!” You exclaimed, feeling your eyes burn tears ready to spill.

“Your right, I won’t ever know.” He said with a scary calmness. “I don’t want to know either. You’re selfish for running away, leaving us. When you don’t want to deal with shit that’s what you do— run. Then what happens? We rescue you from whatever shit show you’re in. If it wasn’t an order from my high lady, I wouldn’t have come last night to your pity party.”

You were speechless, you could feel your stomach drop. Those were choice words he made, and each one was a stab to the stomach. He knew you hadn’t had a choice when you were married off to that monster. Azriel knew it wasn’t your fault that he went off and murdered your cousins. It wasn’t your fault his family was so scared of you for being too powerful so they had done terrible things to you. But he still threw it in your face as if it was your choice. You never had a choice. His face was expressionless again, “but anyways welcome home, Y/n.” His tone was void of any kindness as he brushed your shoulder passing you.

You could feel a couple tears finally slip down your flushed cheeks as you stood alone in the hall. Unsure of what had gone so wrong between Azriel and you for him to act so out of character. What made you want to get under his skin so bad that it only ended up with you hurting more. He had acted the same way before you followed Rhysand under the mountain, when he had tried to convince you not to go. He screamed, shouted, cried, and almost had his shadows restrain you, just so you wouldn’t leave. Now he wanted nothing to do with you.

You choked on the lump stuck in your throat, turning back to go to your room. When Mor was ready she knew where to find you. For now, you had decided it round two of your pity party.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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Taglist: @rachelnicolee @tcris2020

[oweninadaydream]

𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇 || 𝐂𝐇.𝟏

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : Hangman is the certified ladies' man and everyone thinks they can read him like a book, but what neither the Dagger Squad nor anyone else can even begin to imagine is where the hell Jake has been going every Saturday night for the last few months…

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x male!character

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 : mentions of alcohol, some making out but nothing too smutty, emotional distress lmao, age gap relationship (27-35), some religious trauma, self-deprecating thoughts, post Top Gun : Maverick, the Dagger squad is stationed together.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 2k

𝐚/𝐧 : Gif by @tay-swifts , M/N (Male Name). Hello beautiful people!!! I'm so exited about posting this project I've been working on for a while. I just wanted to say that since it's my first time writing for Jake this might be a bit OC Jake but I do hope I got it right hehe. Enjoy the fic and stay tuned for the next parts!!!

It was well after midnight when Jake arrived at the club’s entrance. The throbbing bass emanating from inside made the whole building shake, making his mind wonder what it would be like to live on top of such an obnoxiously loud place, contrasting with the quietness of the accommodations the Navy offered. The reflection of the neon sign reading  “Mon Ange” turned his natural olive-toned skin into a vivid dark azure that matched perfectly with the baby blue in his eyes. The smokers (all with stamps on their hands) were all gathered some feet away from the door to get back in after dragging a final puff from their cigarettes. The queue was not very long, mainly because everyone who was meant to be there had arrived way earlier than him. He reprimanded himself for getting there so late ; in less than two hours the nightclub would shut its doors and Jake would feel like he wasted four hours of his life for nothing. Well, his journey would not be in vain if he caught a glimpse of- 

“Jake”

This was L.A, a city 118 miles away from the Marine Corps Air Station located in Miramar, which is a two-hour long drive away from everything he knows. He had to remind himself of those facts to avoid spiraling  at the sound of his name in such a place; he hated how his body kept reacting to these kinds of situations, but not even a skilled lieutenant like himself could take the reins of these unnamed emotions that coursed through his entire being.

"What are you doing here by the door? I was worrying about you not showing up today, I was just about to send a search party. C'mon , let's grab a drink. Perhaps I can even convince you to dance this time" A wide playful smirk accompanied the flirty comment exquisitely and, even though Jake was more than used to these antics, his heart skipped a beat. Trying to compose himself, he answered while staring at the concrete floor. 

"I don't belong on that dance floor and y'know it, darlin' "

“Oh don’t say that, the 30s are the new 20s! … Even if you’re not planning to dance, you must’ve driven all the way over here for something, right?”

The damn question hit him like a truck. He could try to think of the right answer, but putting something into words made it terrifyingly real, and that was exactly what he'd been avoiding for months. The breeze made them both shiver, as the party outfits didn’t properly protect them from the chilly weather. 

“You're right” he muttered “Okay, lead the way. Make it worth the while, mh?" he teasingly replied. Even if what he was doing was definitely outside of his comfort zone, something about the constant banter between them calmed him.

"Don't you always have an amazing time with me? I thought that was why you only talk to me" a fake pout appeared on the face which Seresin couldn't help but to stare intensely in awe. Their hands intertwined and the pilot quickly melted into that comforting touch. His companion briefly exchanged some words with the bouncer and the doors opened for them. 

"Thankfully it was Joseph working tonight, I don't think Marcus would have let you in for free just like that" “I’m sure you would've charmed him into doing whatever you wanted anyway”

The thick air of the room embraced him as soon as the doors closed and the familiar feeling appeared in the pit of his stomach almost instantly; it seems like it was yesterday when he first stepped into the nightclub he now knows like the back of his hand, but in reality, that day was what it feels like ages ago. Still, the contradictions that manifested within him every time he returned persisted and only grew each day.

“I’ll go to the bar while you stay here and look pretty, okay? Same drink as always?”

It was because of moments like these that Hangman felt comfortable enough to let his guard down and be his usual extroverted self. Grabbing his wrist to stop him from going any further, he raised his voice so his words could be heard even though the music was top volume. “ Don’t you even dare to try to pay for those drinks, they’re on me.”

“Here it is, the Texan charm of Jake Seresin. I didn’t know you could apply those rules to this situation. Are you trying to imply I’m the girl in this whole affair? Shouldn't we at least draw lots for it?”

"Very funny, M/N'' the hostility that emanated from his rolling eyes made the other man realize his comment had affected Jake on a deeper level than intended. “Hey I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t hav- I know it’s  a touchy subject and I’m extremely sorry, please forgive me” the regret was visible in his expression and it also could be detected in the stuttering caused by the words rushing their way out of his mouth trying to obtain his forgiveness as fast as possible. Jake took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. 

Hangman was no saint, he didn’t go to church every Sunday or tried to look for a good christian wife to have kids with like his father did in his day. He knew God was not exactly pleased with the way he was running his life but he used to think that when the time came, He would welcome him with open arms (after having apologized profusely, that is). But now that he had fallen for the most vile trick in the book, he couldn't trust that previous statement anymore. Lust was a capital sin, pretty serious if you asked any priest from the church the Seresin family attended back in Texas, but sodomy? Say goodbye to eternal salvation, son. If Jake was being honest, the promise of heaven or the threat of hell didn't scare him. It was the destruction of all the life lessons that made him act the way he acted,  of his purpose as a son, as a man. The thing that truly haunted him at night  was the thought of a deity (and his father)�� designing him to be this flawless individual with a very clear life path , only to end up as a filthy, disgusting f-

“Hey, are you okay? Would you like me to leave you alone for a bit?”

The thought of M/N walking away while he sank deeper and deeper in the sea of guilt and fury frightened him. “Please don’t” he begged “everything’s fine, I promise. Let’s down a couple shots and , who knows, maybe I’ll be in the mood to dance for a bit” the last comment was a futile attempt to hide the everlasting agony that clouded his mind. M/N moved so they were a few inches away and raised his hand to caress his cheek. His next step consisted in resting his arms around his shoulders and starting kissing him delicately in the neck and in the whole face in general, in hopes to kiss the discomfort away. 

How could something so delicate and sweet be so dirty? Was it even dirty to begin with? What about the women he had dated? He was attracted to them but now he- Too many questions Jake was not willing to answer that night. He only wanted one thing, and he was about to claim it. 

After regaining control of himself, Jake put his right hand on the younger male’s back to guide him to the counter where people were piling up fighting to get the barman’s attention. Being as attractive and well-built as he was, he obtained the alcoholic beverages rather quickly. After the last drop of tequila had made its way down their throats, Hangman took control and led him onto the dance floor. His mind was only filled of the smell of M/N’s cologne mixed with his natural scent enhanced by their bodies crashing against each other while swaying to the 2000s pop remixes, his eyes fixed on his partner’s hypnotizing movements and his hands focused on feeling what they can reach, testing if they can go further in their journey through M/N’s body. Jake was simply standing close and moving according to the song's beat but in a subtle way, just like he would do at the locals he frequented with his coworkers ; manly enough to keep his dignity intact but provocative enough to awake that lustful hunger in the other person’s soul.

‘Mon Ange’ had finally closed down and the two men were still all over each other on the angelino streets. The tingle settling in his chest could only be compared with the adrenaline rush he had previously experienced on those wild nights spent in college, the farewell by the porch of the first girl he had taken on a date or the night out after his first deployment; if he closed his eyes he could swear he was 20 again, but reality made sure to remind him of those fifteen more years that had passed. 

M/N had this juvenile thing about him, Jake couldn’t guess confidently his age from afar and his curiosity was finally satiated after befriending him and asking him about it directly ; he was 27, even though he looked some years younger. His bold character combined with his kindness and humor made M/N resemble a butterfly flying around collecting the pollen from every flower in the garden and making it seem effortless. That was one of the many things that hooked Jake on him as if he were the most addicting drug out there, making him throw away his plan of not getting attached and limiting this experience with sporadic hookups that would end then and there, never with the same person twice. That was the problem, he appeared and started moving his hips to some song, making the whole room turn around him and ever since then (even if Jake was still in denial), he was a goner.

The next thing he knew, he was laying down on M/N’s bed, a king size mattress close to a very big window that allowed him to take in the beautiful sight of the sleeping city. He had only been to the apartment twice, but he had always  left before the sun had made its appearance in the sky, moved by remorse and skepticism. This time though, he had stayed the whole night that was filled with passionate sex and heart to heart conversations and finally some cuddling that lured him to rest for a while. Now he was wide awake, sitting against the headboard, resting his eyes on the sunrise and on the slumbering figure facing him. He looked so calm, so peaceful. In that moment, turning his gaze away, he tried to repress a sob that came with a single tear falling through his left cheek. 

M/N had always known he was queer, embracing his bisexuality in childhood. Jake had never had any problems with people who were not straight, even if the people around him growing up did, but everything was different when it came to himself. For fuck’s sake, he was closer to being 40 than from his teenage years, what was he doing? He could only paralyze at the idea of anyone seeing what he was doing. It was definitely too late for him. Risking his life everyday up in the sky felt like a minor burden compared to the endurance of the dilemmas he carried with him everywhere, just like Christ had carried the cross all the way to Calvary.

He could feel himself falling for the person right next to him, and that was the worst thing that had ever happened to Lieutenant Jacob Seresin. His calloused hand cupped M/N’s soft face, making the other man lean in closer in search of that delightful warmth. Jake’s lips burned in desperate need to say something out loud. His heart started palpitating at a dangerous speed, as he knew the thing trying to escape from his mind was a cruel thing to say and that he was a horrible being just by thinking that. It was no one’s fault and it had no solution, yet the idea popped up in his mind like an unwanted ad appearing on your phone. His chest ached at the possibility of M/N hearing the words, so he tried to whisper as quietly as it was humanly possible. 

“I wish you were a girl”

[jasonswh0rre]

This is Halloween

AK! Jason Todd x OC

🎃 Pairings/Characters:

Main Characters: Amira (OC), Jason Todd, Chloe (OC child of Amira and Jason Todd)

Other Mentions: Daily Planet Staff

Metropolis citizens 

��� Setting

Arkhamverse (Batman Arkham Games)

🎃 Warnings

Emotional Distress

Mild Violence (brief altercation with a bully)

Mental Health Issues (depiction of panic attack triggered by a clown)

Rating

PG-13

Summary:

On a vibrant Halloween night in Metropolis, Amira must unexpectedly work, leaving Jason to take their daughter, Chloe, trick-or-treating. The night is filled with joy and pursuit of candy until a clown triggers a deep-seated panic in Jason, stemming from his traumatic past. As fear overwhelms him, Chloe’s innocent comfort through a simple hug helps him find a moment of peace amidst his turmoil. The story explores themes of fear, family bonds, and the unexpected strength found in childlike innocence.

Author’s Notes:

This story dives into the complexities of trauma and the simple, powerful ways love can help navigate through dark moments. Halloween in Metropolis brings both fun and challenges for Jason and Chloe, showcasing a blend of light-hearted moments and deep emotional struggles. Thank you for reading and for your continued support!

Halloween may be just a typical Tuesday night for cities like Gotham. Still, in Metropolis, the big apricot can be just as scary. Within in good fun, of course. Ghostly hymns and music played on the streets, people dressed down in their scariest costumes. Kids took the chance to become superheroes; who knew the costume stores sold that many Superman capes? Amira wore a slim, hugging black dress and long black hair draped down her back. She hung the Halloween wreath on the door, decorating the apartment. 

"Mommy, look at me!" a voice shouted. Chloé stood in front of Amira. She twirled in her little witch's dress, its whimsical costume in a dark purple and green color scheme. Her layered skirt with petal-like edges in a purple gradient twirled with her. 

"You look amazing, but wait- something's missing?" Amira exclaimed. Chloé looked confused about what could have been missing from her ensemble. 

"What, mommy?"

"You can't be a witch without your hat," Amira responded, holding out a tiny witch's headband; she placed it on Chloé's head, her soft curls bouncing as she finally felt like a witch. 

"Now you're ready, why don't you go get your basket, and we'll start to head out," Amira suggested, prompting an excitable Chloé to run off to find her basket. 

She smiled briefly as she watched Chloé run off so happily that she didn't notice the sense of a new presence in her home. Arms wrapped securely around her waist, she felt her heart sink; turning around, she let out a breath of relief, seeing it was only Jason; he cupped her cheek and gave Amira a quick kiss.

"You forgot you gave me a key here?" He teased lightly

"To be honest? Yeah, I sorta did," Amira whispered as she embarrassingly confessed; she kissed Jason's lips briefly, her body pressed against his, her arms against his neck, causing Jason to subconsciously wince. Noticing Amira turned his head, moving his jacket collar to reveal a nasty deep cut around the side of his neck

"It's fine, I'm alright," Jason murmured; Amira still stared at his neck, her fingers temptingly flinching, trying to touch it without harming Jason.

"I'll see what I can do about it tonight," Amira said, knowing he couldn't change Amira's mind. Jason nodded his head.

"Where's Chlo?" he asked. Like rubbing a genie's lamp, Chloé appeared and rushed to the living room. When she saw Jason, she ran straight into his arms, ecstatic.

"Daddy!" Chloé cried out. Jason gritted through the pain as Chloé's arms were wrapped around Jason's neck. He laughed and smiled as he held onto Chloé as tightly as she did with him. Smiling at both of them, Amira kissed them both on the cheek. The mood seemed perfect and light-hearted until Amira looked down at her phone, crestfallen.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked

"I'm being called in to work tonight," Amira declared. Chloé appeared sad and reached out for Amira to hold her. 

"Mommy, you promised," Chloé pleaded, tears prickling. Amira held Chloé's head to her chest, heartbroken as she wanted to enjoy Halloween with Chloé so severely. Watching Amira's saddened face and Chloé's defeated expression, a thought perverted Jason's mind.

"What if I take Chloé out?" Jason suggested, making Amira look almost shocked when Jason mentioned the idea. Meanwhile, Chloé seemed happy once more. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I am," Jason insisted

Mouthing, "thank you." Amira put Chloé down and went to her room to change

"Here, Daddy, I made a map of where to get the most candy," Chloé chimed. She handed Jason a hand-drawn map of the Metropolis with a red circle over neighborhoods and the daily planet.

"What's at the Daily Planet?" Jason asked

"Their have a party for Starlight students!" Amira chimed, "They have candy, juice, and a bouncy house," Chloé added; Amira changed from her Morticia Addams costume to a more professional look, consisting of a cream blazer over a cobalt blue top paired with a matching cream skirt. 

"I think I liked you better in black, but this isn't too bad," Jason complimented, kissing Amira's forehead. He handed Amira her keys. 

"Thank you. Have fun at the party," Amira said, leaving the father-daughter duo to their own devices.

•••

Jason and Chloé traveled through the city using Chloé's map. First, they took a ferry to St. Martin's Island, home to the wealthiest, most established families. As Chloé skipped around with her candy bag aimlessly, Jason looked around at the houses, how each mansion had a thousand stairs and a long pathway just to get to the front door, rolling his eyes at the ludicrous amount of wealth, these people had, but he did smile at the fact that even as Chloé was still just a child, she possessed a remarkable sense of business at least kidlike to know where the best candy is at. Pointing to one house, Chloé took her dad's hand and stood in line.

"Watch it, pipsqueak," a boy called out, laughing at his remark; he pushed Chloé out of the way. He looked around 12 years old and dressed like a mummy; Chloé seemed to brush the boy's remarks to the side, still holding Jason's hand as she waited. Jason, however, eyes glared in the back of the boy's head, but he cast his anger away for Chloé's sake. 

"Trick or Treat, trick or treat, Give me something good to eat. Not too healthy, make it sweet; please, let me just rot my teeth," Chloé sang; she held her bag open for the older woman.

"Oh, how sweet. You young lady deserve two pieces," the older woman praised. Chloé smiled gratefully as she picked two pieces; thinking she was done, she almost walked off before Jason held her hand, chiding her for more candy.

"She sang the adorable song for you, and she said please. Don't see many kids with manners nowadays, right?" Jason interjected; the older woman thought for a moment and smiled, agreeing with him

"You’re right, young lady. Take another piece sweetie," she said

"Thank you!" Chloé beamed; as Chloé walked off, she counted her candy bag, which was almost full to the brim, smiling at the big haul she had, unaware of the bully in her midst.

"Looks like you got a lot of candy," a boy taunted. Chloé looked up and saw the same mummy boy that pushed ahead of her at the house, this time with another boy dressed as a vampire.

"Thank you," Chloé replied innocently, unaware of the boy's sarcasm

"You're so small, you could never finish it," the mummy boy jeered, snatching the bag from Chloé's hand. He pushed her back, causing her to fall and scraped her knee

"Knock it off, Tyler, just give the kid the bag," the vampire boy interjected sternly.

"Give it back!" Chloe demanded, her voice breaking with sobs as she stood up to the bully, her anger flaring despite her tears.

"Dude, why are you scared? She's just a dumb baby," Tyler asked; the vampire boy looked terrified, looking up at the figure that was just behind Tyler; Jason loomed over the boy, grabbing him by the strings of his costume; Jason was so consumed by anger he forgot that he was grabbing a boy even if he was acting like a little twerp.

"Apologize to the little girl, now," Jason demanded; Tyler looked frozen in fear as Jason put him down and faced him toward Chloé. 

"Sorr– Sorry," he stammered, handing Chloé back her bag. He attempted to run away before he felt Jason's forceful pressure on his shoulder.

"Put your candy in her bag," Jason coaxed

"But– her bag is already full," 

"I don't care. Figure it out then," Jason remarked. Jason had Chloé open her bag and watched as Tyler began putting his candy in it. Tears prickled from Tyler's eyes as he pushed his candy down Chloé's overflowing bag. At the same time, Jason stood, arms folded with a wisecracking grin. 

As Jason helped Chloé up to her feet, she watched as Tyler started to cry and looked at his now half-empty bag. Looking at her bag, she walked up to the boy.

"Here you go," Chloé said. She held a handful of candy in her hand and put it back into the boy's bag.

"Thank you," Tyler said as he and the other boy walked off, wincing slightly back to Jason's side. He smiled at how kindhearted his daughter was; she was so much different than he was, even if someone was a jerk to her. Picking her up, Jason and Chloé went to the ferry back to the mainland, taking her to a 24-hour clinic to get patched up.

"How are you doing kiddo?" Jason asked

"Better," Chloé responded, and the two started a walk downtown. 

People dressed in costumes just laughed and enjoyed the spooky atmosphere of the night; even Jason was feeling the spirit. Until–

"Boo!" A man said he was dressed like a clown in colorful attire, like him, with a painted smile, like him.

Jason looked panicked, his heart accelerating in his chest. He watched as the clown walked back to his friends, laughing. 

"That laugh, it sounds like- like him,"  he thought,

"You see how I scared the big one? Looks like he shit his pants," the man joked, laughing among his friends who cackled too.

That laugh sounded like him; he grabbed Chloé's hand, walking steadfastly.

"Daddy?" Chloé said; assuming she had called out to him in fear; he picked her up holding her closely to him. He was running like he was running a marathon but his lungs gave a different story. Shallow quick breaths were the only thing keeping him from feeling like he was dying. He continued to run but it's harder to escape your own mind. It made it more challenging, with them only being thoughts and images in his mind, the one place he couldn't run from. He found himself in Centennial Park; his eyesight was beginning to get blurry, moving over to a green blurb that looked vaguely like a park bench. 

He sat hunched over, head hung low at his hand rested on his face, his hand shaking.

"Dad?" Chloé said, starting to look worried for her father. Jason always responded the first time she called him, but it was like he couldn't hear her; no matter how many times she called his name, he couldn't hear anything. Chloé looked around the park, trying to gauge her surroundings and find help; she didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she knew.

She hugged him. She didn't know what to say but knew what to do. She hugged as tightly as her little arms could. Jason took a deep breath, though it felt like it hurt to even breathe. 

Jason's eyes were closed tightly his entire life he felt he was being plunged into a black hole clawing his way out. The raised J branding gave the sensation of burning like it had just happened yesterday. Feeling his daughter's arms around him, it felt as though that blackness was losing in its battle with the light. He focused on that light, focused on what he could hear: people talking, children saying trick or treat, people laughing; not just the laughter of him but of people enjoying themselves and each other, he opened his eyes and began focusing on what he could see: pumpkins with crudely drawn faces, couples holding hands, leaves falling from the trees. He took a deep breath before looking at Chloé who had been quiet all this time still hugging him. Lifting her on his lap, he held her patting her head. Laying back on the bench, Jason let out a breath, then he looked down at that small little frame holding him. He kissed Chloé's forehead and held her close.

"How did I get lucky with you?" Jason thought.

Chloé ended up taking a nap against Jason. With his heart beating settling, he sat back for a moment. Looking to his right, he saw that the Daily Planet was straight ahead. Picking Chloé up, Jason walked over, showing Chloé's student ID. He walked into the party to find kids laughing and running around.

"Princess, we're here," Jason said softly. Rubbing her eyes, she took in her surroundings. She saw all her friends, games and activities, a snack table with so much food she couldn't believe it, and most of all, the bouncy house. 

"Go have fun," Jason said, putting Chloé down. She rushed off to her friend's side, and they all went to play. 

As Jason went to sit by the other parents, he checked his phone to find a new message from Amira.

Amira:

How's the party at the Daily Planet? I wish I could be there with you all :'(

Jason: 

Me too. The party is fine, doll. Chloé is bouncing off in the air as we speak. 

Amira: 

Good, the more she jumps, the more tired she'll be tonight. Send pictures! Have fun, and thanks, Jay. I owe you 🩷

Jason: 

I'll make sure to collect my fee from you tonight. 

Will send you pictures by the pound. <3

Jason:

1 new photo! 

3 new photos! 

Turning off his phone, he started talking with some of the parents. One woman was decked out in so many pearls that she looked like she'd just raided Poseidon's jewelry box. 

As the party started to dwindle, Chloé walked over to Jason, dragging her candy bag, which had become too heavy for her to carry behind her.

"Let me hold that for you, and let's get home," Jason said. Holding the candy bag and Chloé's hand, they took the Metropolis City bus back to the apartment. 

Once they got home, Chloé's excitement was slowly running out of steam. She yawned profusely. Jason helped her out of her costume, got her changed into her pajamas, tucked her into bed, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Closing the door softly, Jason went to the living room and turned the TV on to watch a movie. He tried to wait until Amira came home, but getting tired himself, he fell asleep. 

As she finally got home, Amira smiled, watching a tired Jason listen to his soft snores. Taking her heels off, she went to the bathroom and retrieved her first aid kit. Taking another look at his neck, she applied an ointment, causing Jason to squirm slightly in his sleep.

She applied gauze and some medical tape to his neck, kissing his forehead; looking down, she saw Jason's hand had found its way to her thigh. 

"I thought you were asleep," Amira teased, her smile softening as she noticed Jason's brief glance.

"Mmh—I was... waiting for you," Jason murmured sleepily; his voice a weary mumble as he confessed, half in slumber. Taking him by the hand, she moved Jason to her bedroom so he could actually sleep comfortably.

They both changed, Amira into her tank top and shorts and Jason into pajama pants. The second Jason was in bed, he went to sleep again, his snores seeming even louder in the bedroom. Amira snuggled next to him, her hand placed on his chest as she went to sleep. 

Endnotes:

I meant to get this out on Halloween but forgot! Well since it's Fall anyways you can read this when you're in spooky mood.  

[moeitsu]

The Tie Which Linked My Soul To Thee

Ch 20 - More Than We Dared To Tell

Summary: In vulnerability they meet. As the world fades to a gentle hum, their hearts beat as if they're one. In the aftermath, quiet and deep. Love whispers promises they'll keep.

Ao3  Wattpad Masterlist - All Chapters Previous Chapter

A/N: I'm so happy to finally post this. It took me forever to write and when I first started it I just hated everything that came out. Plus I had writers block. But I really like this one. It reads more like an erotica than smut, and it's my first time trying this kind of writing. I hope you guys like it! 7k words

TW: NSFW. Adult content 18+. p in v, no protection. I love making men vulnerable hehe

Tag List: @photo1030 @ariacherie @thatweirdcatlady @ultraporcelainpig @marygillisapologist @eternalsams @lunawolfclaw  @yallgotkik

**please let me know if you would like to be tagged in future chapters!

Story Tags: Canon Divergence, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Eventual Smut, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort,Touch-Starved, Sexual Tension, Friends to Lovers, Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Blood and Violence, Survivor Guilt, Caretaking, Period-Typical Racism, Anxiety, Emotional Constipation, Self-Doubt, Men Crying, Bathing/Washing, Sweet/Hot, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff

Kate sat across from Arthur, her eyes trained on the quiet sights outside of the rolling stagecoach. Her presence commanded his attention even in the dim, flickering light of the coach's interior. Dressed in her elegant attire, she radiated an ethereal grace that captivated him. 

Throughout the evening, her laughter had mingled with the soft clinks of glass and the subdued murmur of the party, making Arthur's heart flutter uncontrollably. Dancing with her had only deepened the ache, a longing mingled with affection. Almost forgetting their goal of the night was to gather information, Arthur was lost in her beauty.

Their earlier encounter that morning had been a mere whisper of what Arthur envisioned for tonight. He had whispered promises, sketching out desires that left her flushed and breathless. Yet, the real surprise awaited at the outskirts of the city—a pause in their lives, a moment of privacy just for them.

Tonight, he and Kate deserved peace, a slice of time just for them, to explore the depths of their bond without intrusion. Arthur made a silent vow that by the end of their night his name would be carved into her heart, and he would repay her for this morning's gift tenfold. He would make love to her until she knew nothing else but his desire. 

As the stagecoach drew to a gentle stop, Kate's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why are we stopping here?" her voice tinged with concern.

With a wide, conspiratorial grin, Arthur was already stepping out of the coach, the cool night air brushing against his face. He reached back, offering his hand to her. 

Low and enticing, Arthur replied, "C’mon, Princess. I have something to show you." 

Taking his hand, Kate allowed him to help her down, her eyes wide with curiosity. Behind them, Hosea gave her a reassuring nod, a silent blessing as Lenny cracked the reins and the coach rumbled away, carrying the rest of their group back toward camp.

"What's this about, Arthur? Are we not heading back with them?" Kate asked, eyes taking in her surroundings. Her gaze drifted to the quaint building before them. 

Warm light spilled from its windows, casting a welcoming glow in the night. Baskets of wildflowers hung from the porch awning, mingled with green ivy that crept its way towards the sky. The aroma of freshly baked bread wafted through the air, inviting and homely. The sound of quiet laughter came humming from a few open windows. 

Above the door, a large blue sign with elegant white cursive announced, "Bailey’s Bed & Breakfast."

Arthur's excitement was palpable, his eyes shining with anticipation as he guided her toward the entrance. "I've got us a room for the night. Just you and me darlin’." he revealed, warm with promise. “No interruptions.” 

As they entered the cozy warmth of the B & B, Kate couldn't help but be swept away by Arthur's earnestness and the intimate promise of the evening. The lobby was quaint, adorned with floral wallpaper and soft, flickering candlelight that cast a gentle glow. There was a small orchestra playing a quiet tune next to the bar, its melody light and romantic. Kate turned towards Arthur, her eyes glistening with gratitude and affection. 

“Surprise,” he whispered quietly. Admiring the way she gaped at every little detail.

Kate reached up, her fingers brushing against his cheek as she pulled him down for a tender, appreciative kiss. "Thank you," she breathed, the words mingling with their lips.

“Don’t go thankin’ me yet, sweetheart,” Arthur's response was deep, his arms wrapping around her with a strength that spoke of barely restrained desire. His hands began to roam, tracing the contours of her back, fingers teasing at the buttons of her dress as if they were mere obstacles to what he desired most.

Kate looped her arm in Arthur’s as they approached the front desk. An elderly woman smiled and reached behind her to grab a small key before they could speak. Sliding it across the polished hardwood she spoke, “the honeymoon suit is all set Mr. Kilgore. You and your wife have a good night now.” 

Honeymoon, Kate chuckled to herself and raised an amused brow at Arthur as they ascended the winding staircase. His response was a playful wink. He’s really taking this fake marriage seriously, Kate thought. The idea of him being so chivalrous made her cheeks warm. 

As they reached the top of the stairs, their movements were eager yet graceless, the urgency between them growing. Arthur pressed Kate against the door to their room, his lips claiming hers with hunger. His hands explored the contours of her back as he fumbled with the key, his hunger mounting with the struggle.

The door swung open, and they stepped into the room, their connection unbroken, their kisses only deepening. Arthur kicked the door shut behind him, his focus solely on Kate. His lips traced a path from hers, down her neck, eliciting a soft moan from her lips as her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer.

Inside, the room welcomed them with its understated charm. A large, plush bed dominated the space, its quilts soft and inviting, whispering promises of comfort and closeness. Kate broke their kiss only for a moment to take it all in. 

“Did I do alright?” Arthur whispered against her neck, his desire betraying a deeper need for her approval. 

Taking a step back from their embrace, she gave the space a good deserving look. The bed was adorned with a delicate canopy that cascaded from the ceiling like a silken waterfall. Wispy, translucent drapes created a soft enclosure that whispered of passion. The fabric caught the glowing light of the small hearth, scattering it into a gentle glow that bathed the room in warmth.

The fireplace, set into an ornately carved stone mantle, crackled softly, the golden flames swaying in a dance. Shadows flickered across the walls, playing hide-and-seek with the fire’s glow. The scent of burning cedar and pine curled through the air, mingling with the faint aroma of wildflowers. It was a comforting warmth, one that wrapped around her as surely as Arthur’s arms had moments before, inviting them to sink into the evening’s embrace.

To the side of the hearth stood a tall, elegant mirror framed in dark mahogany, its polished wood adorned with intricate floral carvings. The glass reflected the room’s amber light, capturing fleeting glimpses of their shared glances and quiet smiles. It was the kind of mirror that seemed to hold secrets, where dreams and reality met in between glances.

Opposite the bed, large windows stretched to the ceiling, framed by flowing drapes that billowed with the slightest breeze. The fabric, soft and translucent, allowed just enough of the starlit sky to peek through, casting silvery light across the floor. When the wind stirred, the drapes moved like dancers, swaying gently. The world outside was forgotten, left behind in favor of this private haven where time seemed to slow and hearts dared to hope.

Kate returned her gaze to Arthur’s, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as emotion welled up from deep within, overwhelmed by the sincerity of his gesture. “Oh, Arthur, I love it,” she breathed, her voice trembling. “I love you.”

Arthur’s smile widened, his eyes reflecting a tenderness that stirred a deep warmth inside her. “I love you more, Kate.” His gaze shifted around the room, brows knitting momentarily. “Damn,” he muttered with a slight chuckle. “Looks like they forgot something.”

With a gentle kiss pressed to her forehead, he murmured a promise to return and slipped out the door, leaving the air between them humming with anticipation. Kate drew a deep breath, the heat of the night mingling with the simmering desire that pulsed beneath her skin.

The room was stifling, charged with the memory of Arthur’s touch and the lingering scent of him. She crossed to the window, easing it open further until the cool night breeze swept in, brushing over her flushed skin. It was a welcome contrast to the warmth inside her, clearing her mind and heightening her senses. Her heart thundered in her chest.

Turning towards the tall mirror, she admired the way the deep crimson dress hugged her curves. It suited her in a way that made her feel powerful, alluring, and beautiful. With a soft sigh, she began undoing the pins that held her hair in place, feeling the weight fall in loose waves around her shoulders. The release sent a shiver down her spine.

Fingers deftly worked the buttons at the back of her dress, each one undone with a deliberate, tenderness. The velvet fabric slipped down her arms, gliding over her body like a lover’s touch before pooling at her feet. She gathered it and draped it over the mirror, leaving herself clad in nothing but a thin, silken chemise.

The soft silk caressed her skin as she moved, the delicate straps slipping from her shoulders as she adjusted them, the fabric skimming down just enough to hint at the curves beneath. Her pulse quickened, the anticipation almost too much to bear—and she was oblivious to the door easing open behind her.

The sudden shift in the air made her heart stutter, and she turned, eyes widening as they met Arthur’s gaze. The room felt smaller, the distance between them vanishing as he crossed the threshold with deliberate, confident strides. 

The wine bottle in his hand was forgotten as it fell onto the bed, the sound muffled by the plush covers. Before she could react, Arthur’s strong hands framed her face, pulling her into a kiss that was deep and fervent. Their mouths met, tongues intertwining as he released a low, guttural groan that sent shivers down her spine.

His warm hands moved down her neck, the rough pads of his thumbs tracing slow circles over her sensitive skin. One hand slipped behind her head, tipping it back to deepen their kiss, while the other glided down to cup her breast through the thin silk of her chemise. His thumb found the taut peak, teasing it with maddening pressure. She gasped into his mouth, pressing herself against him as the ache between her thighs made itself known.

Arthur was the first to break for air, his eyes dark and intense as they roved over her flushed face. "God, you’re so beautiful," he murmured, his voice rough with need. "You make it impossible to keep my hands off you." He punctuated the statement with a playful pinch to her bottom, drawing a surprised yelp and a soft, breathless laugh from her.

Kate leaned into him, stealing another kiss before her gaze shifted to the neglected bottle on the bed. Her lips curved into a mischievous smile. "What did you bring us?"

Reaching for the bottle, Arthur presented her with an elegant red wine, its label in gold cursive reading “Brunello di Montalcino”. 

Arthur's fingers danced over the bottle as he carefully broke the seal, the soft crinkle of foil breaking the stillness of the room. “Bartender told me they used to serve this to the royal family in Rome,” he said with a quiet chuckle, the warmth of his voice tugging at her heart. “Thought it might be fitting. Royal wine for a royal woman.”

Kate smiled, the curve of her lips softening as she watched him work, her gaze lingering on the steady movement of his hands. “I’m certainly no princess,” she murmured, her voice a hushed whisper, unsure if it was meant as a joke or a truth she couldn’t quite grasp.

Arthur’s eyes lifted from the bottle, locking with hers, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Well, ya are to me,” he said, his voice tender, yet thick with something deeper. “Besides, with the way you looked tonight, I think we might have to tell our children otherwise.”

The word children fell between them like a heavy, unexpected weight. Kate’s heart stuttered, and her breath caught in her throat. She froze, unable to move, as if the world had briefly stopped spinning. 

Lorena. 

She had wanted them once, long ago, in another lifetime when hope had still danced lightly in her chest. But that was over a decade ago. So much had changed since then, the woman she was now a far cry from the one who dared to dream of motherhood again.

It was impossible. She was impossible.

Her stomach turned at the thought of disappointing him. How could she not have told him sooner? How could she have let this moment slip by without giving him the truth, especially now, when it seemed so tender and raw between them? He had just spoken of a future, one that included their children, and she had no idea he felt that way. Her heart ached with a mixture of joy and dread, because she knew she could never give him what he wanted.

Her mind spiraled, her thoughts scrambling for clarity, but before she could grasp them, the cork popped from the bottle with a sharp, sudden noise. Kate flinched, her body betraying the storm inside her. Arthur’s eyes immediately flicked to her, his expression shifting with concern.

“Darlin’, you alright?” His voice was softer now, more urgent, as he placed the bottle aside and moved toward her.

Kate blinked, trying to steady herself, her fingers trembling as she tried to form words that would make sense. “You want…?” Her throat tightened, the words slipping from her lips like fragile glass, ready to shatter. “Arthur, I didn’t know you wanted children.”

Arthur’s gaze flickered with surprise, as if the question had come out of nowhere. He looked away for a moment, brow furrowed, before meeting her eyes again. His words had come so easily, without thought or hesitation. He hadn’t even realized how much he longed for that future until now, until he saw her standing there, her eyes full of softness and strength, a woman he had come to care for more than anything. He had never dreamed about a second chance at fatherhood before—hell, he barely understood the responsibilities he already had, especially after Isaac.

But now, with Kate, something had shifted. He wanted to be better. He wanted to give her everything. To give his children a life full of love and laughter. A life he never had. 

Arthur reached for her, his hands trailing down her arms, feeling the coolness of her skin beneath his touch. He paused when he reached her hands, holding them gently. His grip was firm but tender, the warmth of his palm sending heat straight to her heart.

“Kate,” he began, his voice lower now, as though he was speaking from a place deep within. “I know things are… complicated right now. But you’ve opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible.” He squeezed her hands, the sincerity in his words wrapping around her like a protective embrace. “I want you in my future. And if we make it out of this alive... if you’ll still have me, I want to have a baby with you.”

His words, so heartfelt and raw, shot through her like a wave. Her heart surged, the ache of longing and love intertwining. He had truly come so far from the man she first met, the broken outlaw haunted by ghosts of the past. The man before her now was different—stronger, more whole—Arthur was truly healing. And Kate wanted nothing more than to be a part of that future with him. But her past, she had tried to bury it so deep, now threatened to tear it all apart.

Her eyes fluttered closed as a painful sigh escaped her lips, and when she spoke, her voice was small, fragile. “I’m so sorry, Arthur, but I can’t give you children.” The words trembled in the air between them, like fragile glass breaking. Her heart shattered just saying them, but she had to. She couldn’t live with herself if she lied to him.

Arthur’s expression shifted—first confusion, then something softer, sorrowful—but his gaze never left hers. He said nothing, but the silence between them spoke volumes. She could see the ache in his eyes, the pain of the unspoken.

Kate swallowed thickly, her chest tight with grief as the memories threatened to claw their way to the surface. “What happened to me... when I was captured, I—” She choked on the words, feeling the darkness creeping back, the horrors she had locked away for so long. “I’m certain that what they did to me—” She couldn’t finish, her hands silently moving across her belly in a self embrace.

Before she could utter another word, Arthur pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him, as though he could shield her from the demons she was struggling to face. “That’s enough, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. “I ain’t gonna make you relive that.”

Kate’s face pressed into his chest, her voice muffled as she spoke, words thick with unshed tears. “I can’t have a baby Arthur, I would understand if this changes things for us.”

Arthur’s fingers gently cupped the back of her head, his other hand holding her close to him. “Darlin’, do you even know me at all?” His voice was raw, filled with an honesty she rarely heard. “I wouldn’t trade this for all the gold in the world. You are my world, you understand?”

She nodded, silent tears slipping down her cheeks, but Arthur was quick to brush them away. He held her even tighter, the two of them a tangled mess of emotions, love, and unspoken promises. “It was a silly thing for me to say. It changes nothing about how I feel for you.”

Kate pulled back slightly, her eyes searching for any trace of doubt, any hint that he was lying. “It’s not silly, honey,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “You have every right to want a family. I just… I wish I could give that to you.”

Arthur cupped her face, tilting it gently toward him, his thumb brushing away the final remnants of her tears. “Kate,” he murmured softly, his voice filled with such love, such conviction. “As long as I have you, you will always be my family. And that’s enough for me.”

Their lips found each other once again. With those words, Kate’s fears crumbled away, leaving only the warmth of his embrace and the hope of something better, something real, between them.

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━

The evening lingered in the air, slow and intoxicating, as they shared a glass of wine that seemed to ignite the desire between them. The fire crackled softly, casting a warm glow on their skin as they sat close, Kate nestled comfortably in Arthur’s lap. The conversation was quiet, intimate—whispers of dreams and playful desires exchanged between soft kisses and lingering touches that spoke louder than words.

When the last drops of wine were finished, Kate set her glass aside, her movements slow and deliberate, feeling the heat of the moment settle deep in her chest. With a quiet, daring smile, she shifted on his lap, straddling him, her body now pressed fully against his. The dress coat and bow tie were long discarded, his shirt now unbuttoned in places, exposing the warm, rugged skin of his chest. The flickering firelight danced across his strong frame, and she couldn’t help but admire him, her heart racing at the sight of him in the dim, intimate glow.

Her hands, delicate and daring, traced the contours of his body with soft, eager strokes, feeling the heat of him beneath her fingertips. The alcohol had loosened her body and mind, a steady warmth pooling between her thighs, and she felt something primal awaken—something bold, something wild. She could feel the heat in her blood, drawn to him like a lioness on the prowl.

Arthur’s hands moved with purpose, fingers grazing her skin in a way that made her shiver. His touch was rough, but gentle in its own way, the calluses of his hands brushing against the sensitive flesh of her inner thighs. Each move he made brought him closer to where she needed him, a slow tease that had her heart pounding.

Her chemise slipped lower, revealing the soft, inviting curve of her breast. The air felt cooler against her exposed skin, but it only seemed to heighten the heat between them. Kate’s hands slid over his chest, undoing the rest of his shirt buttons, exposing his skin to her eager touch. She felt the warmth of him, the thick, hard muscle beneath the soft hair that she longed to explore. 

Tracing her thumb along the star shaped scar that adorned his shoulder, she leaned down to place her lips upon it. Kissing it with a softness as the memory of his survival washed over her. Her lips moved gracefully along the smooth edge of his collarbone and up towards the sensitive skin of his nick. 

As her lips and fingers moved, mapping the lines of his body, she felt him respond—his chest rising in a sharp breath, his hands finding her breasts, his thumbs pressing against her sensitive nipples with a languid, teasing pressure.

She arched into him, the sensation of his hands on her skin causing a soft gasp to escape her lips. She couldn’t help but feel the subtle shift of her hips as she moved against him, the friction between them a delicious ache that made her pulse quicken. His growing need pressed against her, and she could feel it—he was just as consumed by this moment as she was, his body betraying the desire he could no longer hide. Barley constrained by the fabric of his pants.

Kate’s breath came faster, her own hunger rising as she pulled at the fabric of his shirt, desperate to feel him closer, to taste him. Her nails scraped lightly over his skin, feeling the warmth of him beneath the soft layer of hair, her body trembling in anticipation of what came next.

Arthur was lost in her, watching her with a gaze darkened by desire. His hands moved with a steady, confident rhythm, pulling her straps down just enough to reveal her bare shoulders, exposing the last bit of her flesh to the cool night air. His breath hitched, and for a moment, everything around them fell away—there was only her, and the way she made him feel. She was a vision of beauty, of vulnerability, of everything he wanted in this life.

He leaned in, his breath warm and steady against the delicate shell of her ear. “I love you,” he whispered, the words thick with longing, with adoration, and something far deeper than mere desire. His hands tightened around her, pulling her closer, as though he never wanted to let her go.

Arthur’s hands moved over her body with a reverence that sent shivers down her spine. He traced the delicate lines of her shoulders, the curve of her waist, his fingertips gently brushing over the soft skin of her ribs, before returning to frame her face. His eyes locked onto hers, silent and deep, as though asking a question that needed no words. The steady rhythm of their heartbeats pulsed in sync, the air thick with the weight of their connection.

Her lips parted, a soft sigh escaping as she spoke, her voice trembling with desire and something far deeper. "You make me feel safe," she murmured, the raw emotion in her words wrapping around him like a tender, irresistible embrace. Arthur’s heart swelled at the sound of it, a rush of tenderness surging through him.

Without hesitation, his hands moved to the curve of her bottom, the warmth of her body under his palms igniting something primal in him. Gently, he lifted her, his strength cradling her in a way that felt as natural as breathing. "You are safe," he whispered, the words like a promise, low and soothing, as he guided her beneath him, laying her down on the soft elk skin rug, its warmth adding to the heat between them.

Their movements were slow, measured, each one perfectly in tune with the quickening pulse of their bodies. Arthur’s hands slid down to her waist, pulling the silky fabric of her dress with a purposeful ease, sliding it over her body, revealing her bare skin inch by inch. He stopped just above her navel, his fingers tracing soft, rhythmic circles around the sensitive skin, each touch sending a wave of electricity through her that made her breath catch in her throat.

Arthur paused, his eyes drinking her in as if he were memorizing every detail—her flushed skin glowing in the firelight, her chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, her eyes dark with need and something far more vulnerable. She was a vision—soft and beautiful, filled with both desire and something that made him want to protect her, cherish her.

"You make me feel like I belong," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper, thick with emotion that stole his breath away.

Arthur’s lips hovered over her skin, brushing against the delicate curve beneath her ear, his breath warm against her neck. "You belong with me," he murmured, the words heavy with sincerity and longing. Slowly, he kissed his way down her body, his lips hot against her skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. 

When he reached her breast, he paused, his mouth closing around her nipple, swirling his tongue gently around the sensitive nub. He pulled and sucked with his mouth, the heat sending shivers through her body. Kate arched beneath him, a soft gasp escaping her as he moved to the other, giving it the same reverence. 

As his lips continued their journey lower, tracing the curve of her abdomen, she moaned again, her hands slipping through his hair, holding him closer.

“You make me feel needed,” she breathed, the words mingling with the sensation of his touch, a mix of longing and a deep emotional connection.

Arthur’s response was a kiss, tender but full of heat, just above the hairline between her thighs. His mouth was gentle, teasing, yet filled with a desperation he couldn’t quite hide. "I need you," he growled, his voice low and thick with emotion. He spread her legs, aligning himself with her, the heat of his body sending a rush of anticipation through her.

His hands moved under her thighs, pulling the thin fabric of her chemise off in a swift motion, exposing her completely to him. He lifted her to him as he lowered his head between her legs. The first touch of his mouth against her ignited something wild, a fire that burned brighter with each kiss he gave her. He moved slowly, deliberately, his tongue trailing from her entrance to the sensitive bundle of nerves at her core, each lick sending her spiraling deeper into pleasure.

“Arthur!” A cry of bliss escaped her lips as the intensity of his touch overwhelmed her. 

“That’s my good girl,” he murmured, his voice rough with desire. His tongue flicked and circled with purpose, driving her higher, her hips bucking instinctively, thighs trembling beneath his touch. She was lost to him, lost in the pleasure he gave her, her body shaking as she surrendered to him.

Kate’s fingers tangled in Arthur’s dirty blond hair, tugging just hard enough to draw a deep, rumbling groan from him. The sound sent a shiver racing down her spine, heightening the sensation as he pressed two thick fingers inside her, moving with a careful slowness that made her gasp. The heat between them simmered and pulsed, her body yielding to his touch as he felt her walls tighten around him, each flex and flutter fueling his own hunger.

Arthur’s jaw clenched as he struggled to maintain control. The image of being buried deep inside her, feeling that same vice-like grip around his aching length, tempted him to the edge of restraint. The fabric of his pants felt suffocating, he was painfully hard now, hips grinding into the rug looking for any form of release. The throbbing need to be inside her overwhelming.

But he was a patient man, one who relished the art of giving more than receiving. The pride he felt from watching Kate unravel beneath him was more intoxicating than any pleasure he could take for himself. He had made it a silent vow: she would always come first. He would never surrender to his own satisfaction until he had brought her to the brink and watched her fall apart in his hands.

Kate’s breath came in ragged gasps, the room filled with the symphony of her moans and the creamy, rhythmic sound of Arthur’s fingers working inside her. The slickness of her arousal coated his skin, driving him deeper into the moment, each movement more intentional than the last. He lowered his mouth to her once again, tongue teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves that made her arch and cry out. The way she responded, hips lifting to meet the pressure of his mouth, sent a rush of heat coursing through him.

The slow, lewd suck of his lips against her skin resonated through her core, sending her spiraling into waves of bliss that made her thighs tremble uncontrollably. Arthur’s groans mixed with the soft, wet sounds of his ministrations, each one a testament to the pleasure he found in her surrender. His fingers moved in a steady, torturous rhythm, coaxing every drop of her release until she could no longer hold back. 

“Fuck! Arthur I’m–!” Kate shattered with a keening cry, her body clenching around him as he hummed against her, savoring every quiver, every pulse of her climax.

“That’s it,” he whispered, voice thick with affection. “Let go, love.” His words washed over her, grounding her as the aftershocks rippled through her.

With a final, lingering kiss pressed to the apex of her thighs, Arthur withdrew his fingers and looked up, eyes dark and heavy with longing. But there was no rush in the way he studied her, only a deep satisfaction that came from seeing her utterly spent, flushed and glowing in the aftermath.

Panting softly, Kate struggled to sit up, the desire in her voice trembling. “Arthur,” she whispered, the sound cracking with raw need. “Please… I need you.”

He steadied her as her legs wobbled beneath her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear with a tenderness that belied the intensity between them. Her nimble fingers found their way to the rigid evidence of his desire, undoing the button and zipper with practiced urgency. Arthur’s body quaked as she pushed the fabric down, her palm gliding over his length, slick with anticipation. The touch awakened a fire in both of them—a shared ache that transcended the physical.

Before Kate could wrap her fingers around him, Arthur caught her wrist, his voice a husky murmur. “Easy, sweetheart.” With strength that left her breathless, he scooped her up, one arm under her back and the other beneath her knees, lifting her as if she were the most precious thing he’d ever held. “Let me take you to bed, hmm?”

In one fluid motion, he kicked off the remnants of his clothing and carried her to the bed, laying her down on the soft, inviting covers. The firelight cast a golden glow over their entwined forms, painting them in warmth and shadow. Arthur hovered above her, his eyes roaming over her with reverence, his breaths heavy and controlled. But as he braced himself, she caught the subtle wince that flickered across his features—the injured shoulder still bearing the strain of his body.

“C’mere, baby,” she whispered, coaxing him to shift his weight, guiding his arm beneath the pillows. He sank closer, their faces inches apart, his breath hot and uneven against her neck. She gasped as she felt him at her entrance, the teasing pressure sparking electric pulses that made her body tremble.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured, so softly it was barely audible, his voice lined with a vulnerability that pierced through the haze. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

The tremor in his body told her this was more than a question. It was a plea, an unspoken need for reassurance—for a promise that this connection was real, that he wasn’t caught in a moment that would fade into the darkness that haunted him.

Her hands found his face, fingers tracing the strong jaw, eyes meeting his gaze and holding it. In that moment, she saw every shadow, every battle fought in silence, every wound that hadn’t fully healed.

To truly love someone is to understand their suffering.

“Yes, Arthur,” she replied, her voice steady and clear, overflowing with emotion. “I want you. I’ll say it a hundred times, until there’s no doubt left in you. Until you know, beyond everything, that I choose you.”

The tension between them shattered like a wave crashing on the shore, and Arthur captured her lips with a kiss that carried the weight of his devotion, longing, and love. It was fierce, raw, and tender all at once, a culmination of emotions unspoken but deeply understood. Kate’s fingers slid between their bodies, finding him with an assured touch. A shiver coursed down Arthur’s spine as she stroked him, trailing down the length of his shaft until her palm cupped the sensitive, heavy flesh that hung beneath. A gentle squeeze and a slow tug pulled a guttural sound from deep in his chest. His arousal beaded and dripped onto her skin, warm and slick.

A low, husky grunt escaped him, and he trembled, unable to hold back the faint whimper that broke free as she guided him along her folds. The wet heat of her need coated his length, preparing him in a silent invitation. The size of him dwarfed her delicate touch; she knew there would be a sharp ache when he entered, but she welcomed it, craving the connection more than anything.

“Kate,” Arthur’s voice was a ragged plea against her neck, the tension in his body evident as he held himself back, quivering with the effort.

“Look at me,” she whispered, her voice low and tender, guiding his face up so their eyes met. Her hands slipped around his neck, legs winding around his hips as she surrendered herself to him. She could see the war waged within him—the constant battle between the rough, unforgiving man he feared he was and the tender lover he had always been with her.

“I love you, Arthur,” she breathed, the words soft and steady. “You could never hurt me.” With a slight arch of her hips, she felt the initial burn as his head pressed into her. The stretch was sharp, searing through her like a white flame, but she focused on the way his expression contorted in unguarded bliss, blue eyes wide with reverence as he pushed deeper.

Arthur’s gaze held hers, searching for any sign of discomfort, even as he sank into her inch by inch. The moment he bottomed out, pressing into the deepest part of her, he released a shuddering breath and pressed a kiss to her temple, the salty tang of sweat mingling with their heat. Kate’s body adjusted slowly, every shift and flex sending electric pulses through them both. She clenched around him instinctively, drawing a groan from his lips as she carved out space for him within her.

“Give it to me,” she whispered, the words a plea and a promise.

A flash of understanding passed between them, and Arthur’s control snapped. He drew back, the friction leaving them both gasping, only to thrust forward until their bodies met again. Each movement carried the force of his need, the desperation of years of loneliness and longing released with every roll of his hips. The rhythm built, urgent and unrelenting, as he claimed her with an intensity that spoke of both passion and fear—fear that she would slip away, fear that he would never find this again.

Kate’s breath came in broken whimpers, the sharp bite of her nails digging into the taut muscles of his shoulders as the pain turned to pleasure, radiating through her in waves. Every thrust filled her, completed her, as if she had been a puzzle with a missing piece, and Arthur was the one who made her whole.

The room pulsed with the rhythm of their desire, each creak of the bed merging with soft gasps and whispered confessions. Arthur’s deep, guttural groan resonated as he rolled his hips with a deliberate slowness, each thrust intentional and unrelenting. He moved with the confidence of a man who knew exactly how to drive her to the brink, his body a perfect match for hers as it instinctively responded, drawing him in deeper with every movement.

The friction, intense and electric, left Kate gasping, her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling tight as a tremor ran down her spine. “Just like that,” she panted, her voice breaking with urgency. “Fuck, Arthur! Right there!” The echo of her cries filled the dimly lit room, unbridled and careless of the late hour.

A wicked grin played on Arthur’s lips as he watched her writhe beneath him, the pleasure building in waves as he learned the intricacies of her body. “That’s it, baby girl,” he murmured, the low timbre of his voice vibrating against her skin. “Tell me what you want. I’ve got you.”

Each deep stroke sent a jolt of heat through her, the slick sound of her arousal coating him and amplifying their connection. He angled his hips to brush that sensitive spot just inside her, pulling out until only the tip remained before sinking back in with precision, the coarse hair at the base of his cock damp with her need. 

Lowering himself to her chest, he captured a hardened nipple between his lips, flicking his tongue in deliberate circles before sucking it into his mouth. The sharp pleasure had her gasping, her body clenching around him, and he couldn’t help but revel in her reactions.

He marked her with love bites, small purple reminders that she was his, that they were here, lost in each other. One of his hands found its way down, his thumb circling the swollen bead between her thighs, adding a new, dizzying layer of sensation.

“Oh god,” Kate’s voice broke, her legs trembling, body on the cusp of surrender. “I’m close,” she whimpered, eyes glassy and unfocused as tears welled up, the overwhelming mix of pleasure and emotion coloring her cheeks a deep rose.

Arthur’s pace faltered, fighting the tide of his own release as he focused on her, determined to feel her shatter around him first. “Just a little more, baby,” he whispered, his breath hot against her neck, each word a promise.

Breathing ragged and full of intent, Arthur kept his focus on her pleasure, dragging his hips along the sensitive spot that made her gasp and shudder. His movements were precise, quick, and shallow, sending waves of heat coursing through her. Her body responded in kind, trembling, and slick against him, soaking the sheets beneath them. He could feel the tension within her, the way she fought to hold back the tide, and it only fueled his own urgent need.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he whispered, “let me feel you.” The words breaking on a pant as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck. His voice was rough, tinged with desperation. Every ounce of his focus honed in on her, driven by the singular purpose of bringing her the kind of pleasure that would mark this moment as unforgettable.

As if his words had unlocked her restraint, she tightened around him, the sudden pressure tearing a raw, guttural sound from his throat. Kate's vision blurred, a white-hot rush overtaking her as she surrendered to the sensation. Her climax surged through her, making her body quake uncontrollably, her breath coming in gasps as she called out his name, voice breaking with the intensity.

Arthur's control slipped as he spilled into her, the pulse of his release matched by the rhythmic spasms of her body. A low groan turned into a softer, vulnerable whimper as he buried himself as deep as possible, letting the warmth spread between them. He pressed tender kisses to the corner of her eyes, catching the tears that trailed down her flushed cheeks.

They laid together for a moment, sharing breath and messy kisses. Drunk on their love, they lay connected, limbs tangled and whispered affections. Even as their bodies still hummed with the aftershocks, Arthur’s hand slid down between her thighs. She tensed, the oversensitivity sparking a startled cry.

“Oh Arthur,” she breathed, “it’s too much,” her voice breaking as tremors began to seize her limbs.

“Just one more, my love,” he coaxed, his tone a soothing murmur.

He sat up slightly, allowing himself a clearer view of her, eyes heavy with desire and affection. He watched as her wide eyes met his, glazed and vulnerable. Her lips parted in a silent plea, new tears streaking down her face as she teetered on the edge once more.

He pressed a firm thumb against the sensitive pearl at her center, the light pressure enough to send another surge of sensation through her.

“That’s it, my good girl,” he whispered, the admiration clear in his voice. The sight of her unraveling beneath him, of her body responding so completely, made his chest ache with reverence.

Her body tightened around him again, a series of frantic pulses as her second climax took hold. She clutched his arms, nails digging into his skin leaving crescents as she bucked. Her breath caught in her throat. Legs shaking from the force of her pleasure. The coiled tension snapped, and she came apart, her hoarse cry tearing through the room.

Arthur!

“I’ve got you, baby,” Arthur reassured, his hands gliding up her trembling thighs before cupping her face. She turned into his touch, eyes fluttering closed as she wrapped herself in him, a soft moan of bliss escaping her. 

Pressing his lips to her damp brow, his own heart pounding with the intensity of their connection. The hard drumming in his ears harmonized with the melody of her labored breath, every beat and gasp composing a harmony. His name on her lips, breathing him to life. It was a song he longed for. It sounded like love. 

My girl.

AN: I was low-key so nervous to post this, I've never officially written and posted an intimate scene. I'm tempted to come back to this in the future and edit it, but I must resist. And I must focus on other chapters now. I have so much planned, and I'm fighting this writers block tooth and nail. I'm speaking it into the universe that my mojo will come back.

Bonus pics of my new kitten:

[porcelainseashore]

Ghosts from the Past (2)

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Agent! Leon Kennedy x Dancer! Informant! Fem! Reader

Summary: 7 years after leaving behind everything you’ve known, you’re suddenly thrust into facing a ghost from your past, Leon. Navigating where you stand with him brings up old memories, painful truths and countless questions. At the same time, you have to deal with a bunch of strange occurrences at your dance company. Set after Resident Evil 4 Remake.

Warnings: 18+ Swearing, Recreational Drug Use, Alcohol, Eventual Smut, No (Y/N), Canon-Typical Horror and Violence, Blood, Injury, Torture, Infection, Medical Experiments, Psychological Trauma, Nightmares

Content: Post-Resident Evil 4, Exes to Lovers, Partners to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lack of Communication, Romance, Fluff

Author's Note: This chapter is a lot more dialogue-heavy to set up the scenes for the next ones. It was originally going to be angstier, but my heart wouldn’t let me. Oops. I hope you still like it though.

AO3 Link

Chapter 2: Baptism

Outside the embassy, Leon hailed for a cab to get to the bar. The journey there was in complete awkward silence, except for the occasional question raised by the cab driver, who quizzed you on why you were headed to such an unsavory place. Somehow he could tell that Leon didn’t quite belong and cautioned about certain areas being unsafe for tourists. Leon just snorted in response, while you laughed inwardly at the irony of his cover story, where he was meant to be your American tourist friend embarking on a Eurotrip.

To be honest, it really wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. Berlin was a smaller city and felt safer than New York. However, you still carried around that Swiss Army knife Leon had won and given to you back in the day wherever you went, just in case. You ran the tip of your finger along its metallic surface in your pocket. The world could be cruel to little girls after all.

As you exited from the cab, you were greeted by a lively, eclectic neighborhood, sprinkled with night markets, kebab and shisha shops, independent art spaces and late night bars. The buildings were noticeably more rundown than Mitte, the district you had traveled from, and the community a lot edgier. With both of you now dressed casually, you had no problem blending into the midnight crowd.

You swung open the doors of an unmarked establishment and found yourselves shrouded in thick wafts of cigarette smoke upon entering. Leon frowned, coughing as he swatted the air in front of him. Even though you were used to smoking being allowed pretty much everywhere in Germany, your eyes still watered as you pressed up against and squeezed past the mass of bodies in the dimly-lit, dingy bar. The smell on your clothes and hair would take days to get rid of later. It was noisy and chaotic, with nearly every inch of the space occupied by chatty, drunk customers, some more boisterous than the others. You were lucky to find a small, rickety table with two precarious-looking stools at the extreme corner of the room.

Setting your coat and day bag down on one of the stools to claim it, you folded your arms, turned to Leon and remarked, “So… an agent, huh?”

He waved his hand dismissively. “Whiskey first. Then, we’ll talk.”

You rolled your eyes at his standoffish reply, wondering what his problem was. After all these years where he had led you to assume he was dead, and with the circumstances both of you had found each other in, this was the kind of attitude he took with you? A prickling feeling of agitation grew in your chest as you pushed past him, storming towards the bar in annoyance.

Upon approaching it, you breathed out a sigh of relief when you saw that you knew the bartender who was on shift tonight. He usually popped a little extra into your drinks whenever he sensed you had a shitty day. Tonight was no exception.

“Zwei doppelte Kurze Whiskey.” (Two double shots of whiskey.) You raised two fingers at him to spell out your order.

He grunted out an acknowledgement as he got to work, filling two empty glasses with the fiery amber liquor, one glass topped up significantly more than the other.

“Macht er dir Probleme?” (Is he giving you any trouble?) He asked, without looking up from pouring the shots. It seemed like he had noticed your little commotion with Leon from just before.

“Aktuell nicht,” (Not for now.) you answered guardedly.

At this point, Leon had caught up to you, watching as the bartender placed the glass with more whiskey on the counter top in front of you and the one with less before Leon. 

Leon huffed at the slight and shook his head. “I’ll take the bottle too.”

The bartender eyed him suspiciously as he plonked the whiskey bottle on the counter loudly, like there was an unspoken competition going on between them.

“Here,” Leon mentioned coolly, sliding a couple of euro bills along the counter to pay for all the drinks. “Keep the change.”

You sighed at the childish display before you, giving the bartender an apologetic look as you took your glass without a word, and settled in at the small table you had informally reserved earlier. The people around you were far more interested in drinking than any conversation you were about to have. Occasionally a fight started, but those responsible were easily cleared out by the staff. 

There should be no issues with privacy here, you thought, as you downed your first round of drinks simultaneously with Leon.

The sharp alcohol burned your throat, warming you from the inside. You noticed Leon wincing as he brought the glass to his cut lip, finishing its contents in one clean gulp and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Did he get hurt in the field? You wondered, but chose not to question it, instead pouring yourself another shot as Leon did likewise.

Frustrated by the ongoing silence between the two of you and Leon’s seeming reluctance to speak, you decided to break the dead air, stating sarcastically, “Anything else you need before we get started? Room service? A hot bath, perhaps?”

He threw back another shot, twisting his lips into a wry smile. “Hm, don’t tempt me.”

“Leon, what happened? All these years… I thought you had died.” You were getting tired of this game and wanted an honest exchange for once.

“I did,” he replied softly.

“Huh?”

Averting his gaze quickly, he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “It doesn’t matter.” 

But you wanted answers. You needed to know what had been haunting him too. “It does to me.”

You reached out to him cautiously, but just as your fingers ghosted the back of his hand, he moved it away, his voice turning cold as ice. “Look, I don’t know what you’re expecting, but it’s been a long time-”

His reaction took you by surprise as you interjected defensively, “Yeah, I can count.” 

A long time? If anyone should be able to comprehend that, you were more than qualified.

“I’m not the same guy you used to know back then,” he continued, as if he hadn’t heard you.

“And I’m not the same girl you knew either,” you countered, in a mixture of anger and confusion. He was talking to you like he was blaming you for something. It wasn’t fair and you weren’t going to put up with it anymore. “Stop avoiding the question, Leon.”

“Still as stubborn as hell though,” he muttered.

Your blood boiled at his non-answer. “Is this some kind of joke to you?” You seethed, raising your voice. “I mourned you. The past 7 years. I heard nothing. Your parents heard nothing.” You emphasized each point, taking another shot afterwards to calm your nerves. Your face scrunched up in response to the harsh bite of the liquor. “And now this?”

He paused for a moment, fiddling with the empty glass in his hands, before hesitantly responding, “I got out of Raccoon City. Then, the government asked me to work for them.”

You caught the drift of what he was implying when he stressed the word ‘asked’, like it wasn’t by choice. But you didn’t understand what hold they had on him.

“That’s all you need to know.” Placing his glass back down on the table, he took a swig from the bottle itself this time. The few sentences he gave you had taken a toll on him.

“Why? How did they-”

“The rest is classified,” he snapped through gritted teeth, as a form of warning not to push it any further.

You slumped back in your chair in defeat, realizing that you weren’t much closer to understanding him and what he had gone through.

“Why did you join Silje’s company?” Leon questioned out of the blue, his tone filled with resentment, so much so that you bit your lip in reflex as guilt seeped into your heart.

“After you… die-disappeared, I-I didn’t know what else to do.” You cast your eyes downwards, your voice choking up with emotion as the memories you had suppressed came flooding back, like a gaping wound in your side. 

“I had to leave. Everything just-” you paused, clenching your fists so hard that you could see the imprints of your fingernails against your palms. “-reminded me of you.”

At this, his stony gaze faltered slightly and a look of despondence slowly spread across his face. 

“You could have gone anywhere else, but you just had to choose her, didn’t you?” He uttered somewhat accusingly. “You really shouldn’t get involved in this.”

“A bit too late for that,” you argued. Did he think you couldn’t hold your own?

“You can still walk away,” he offered.

Shaking your head, you peered back at him defiantly. “I’m not leaving you.”

“That’s what you said last time,” he retorted bitterly, his brows etched together in a frown. “Look at how that turned out.”

Your mouth ran dry, and it felt as if you had been given a tight slap across your cheek. 

So this was what it was all about? He still faulted you for what happened in the past? The most troubling thing was that you had nothing to say to that. You truly held yourself accountable for whatever that had gone wrong.

“Is this why you want to get rid of me?” It came out as a bare whisper.

He shrugged impassively, unable to meet your eyes like he was hiding something. “It’s just better this way.”

Your mind was going round in circles as you were put on the spot. However, something inside you kept rebelling against what Leon had to say. You couldn’t abandon him again. Not like this, even though he claimed it was the better route to take. Didn’t he once tell you to trust him to make his own decisions? Then, he should offer you the same courtesy. You weren’t about to throw in the towel and give up now.

So instead of running away like he expected you to, you pushed back. “No.”

Leon narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“I said no,” you repeated again resolutely. “We have a job to do. I’m helping you to infiltrate this base whether you like it or not.”

His lips were drawn into a thin line as he brooded quietly in the corner, but he continued to hear you out.

“Once that’s done, we can go back to our own separate lives if you want,” you stated. “Just like how it was.” 

A fair compromise. Although deep down you hoped it wouldn’t mark the end of your interactions with Leon. Well, you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it.

After a while of considering your suggestion, he agreed warily, “Ok.”

His gaze was impenetrable while both of you drank in silence. At some point, you decided to call it a night, since you had an early start with him tomorrow to go over your next plan of action. It was drizzling when you came out of the bar, the water droplets falling on your face like a baptism of a new chapter. You had made your bed, now you had to lie in it.

As Leon called for another cab to take him back to where he was staying, you left without a word, walking on your own to the nearest U-Bahn station. He watched you until you were just a tiny speck in his vision, lost amongst the sea of people and glowing street lights.

━━━━━━━━━━━

You and Leon were standing in front of the dining table of his service apartment, a mess of papers sprawled across every surface. He rested his curled fingers under his chin, eyeing the diagrams and notes scribbled on the sheets like a hawk, analyzing them for any obvious patterns.

He picked up a report that you had drafted recently. “So Silje told you all of this?”

You yawned and sipped at the instant coffee Leon had offered you when you had arrived. It was a couple of hours earlier than when you were normally up, as you’d have to head over to the theater to train after this meeting. You had pushed away whatever thoughts you had resulting from the conversation with Leon last night to the back of your mind, in favor of professionalism. Afterall, it wasn’t your first rodeo pretending things were fine, and neither was it Leon’s.

“Some of it, yes. Though in her own way of speaking in riddles,” you explained. “The rest I had overheard or tailed her without her knowing.”

“Are you sure you weren’t spotted?” It sounded like a mixture of concern and him questioning your abilities, the latter of which irritated you a little.

“If I was, would I still be standing here?” You stated brusquely.

“Fair enough.”

You pointed at the blueprint map again, tracing the outlines of your markings with your fingers as you explained, “From what I gathered, the site has two main sections beyond the theater space. The upper levels are easily accessible, but shaped like a labyrinth. I haven’t explored everything yet, but if my gut feeling is right, I would say that the entrance leading further down might be all the way over here.” You tapped at the red circle with a question mark drawn on the map.

“The lower levels are only accessible via keycard. Obviously Silje has one, but there must be others too,” you reasoned. 

“That said, I’ve seen her bringing in the same man more than once. Business type, probably in his 60s, speaking German with a Swiss accent.” Then, you proceeded to describe his outward appearance in further detail.

“Silje always passed him off as being part of the company board. I doubt it though,” you shrugged.

Leon hummed in response, and the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward, as if he was trying to hold back a smile. It was the first sign of approval he showed you since you had reconnected.

As he thumbed through the rest of the papers, he cocked his head to the side, tapping his fingers on the table absentmindedly. “One thing I don’t get from this is why she’s confided in you.”

You nipped your lip, swallowing anxiously, as you were afraid of disclosing what you might have committed yourself to. 

“She wanted to offer me a gift,” you whispered.

“A gift?” He tensed up noticeably at the word. “Did you accept?”

“Um… yes?” You replied uneasily, but tried to persuade him that nothing else had happened yet. “She only told me it would come soon.”

The drumming of his fingers on the table stopped abruptly, as he gripped the edge of it, clenching his jaw as he spoke, “Why the fuck would you do something like that?”

“I-I thought it would help,” you stuttered, caught off-guard by the sudden shift in his mood.

“What exactly has Bergmann told you about this case?” He hissed.

“That Silje was suspected of harboring some bioterrorists.”

You flinched as he cursed a second time loudly, before muttering a quick, “Excuse me for a minute.” With that, he darted out of the room into the hallway to make a call.

So here you were, left alone without answers again. The secrecy surrounding the entire mission and Leon’s erratic behavior was starting to grate on you, but there wasn’t much you could do about it.

Past the hallway, out of sight and earshot, Leon had connected with Hunnigan on comms.

“Leon,” she greeted. “Any news?”

“Our old friend, the Plaga,” he stated. “Seems like our suspicions might be right.”

“You have the source to back that up?” She asked out of habit, even though she already knew the answer.

“I went through the documents. I’m not 100%, but it’s close.”

He detailed an abnormality that stood out during the investigations. “A few days ago, some people on site experienced temporary psychotic episodes where their veins turned black, but reverted back to normal after.”

“That’s aligning with whatever intel we’ve already picked up. It could be a new strain of the Plaga,” he concluded.

Hunnigan nodded. “We’ll require a sample for the labs when you’re in the base. Anything you need me to do?”

“Run some files on any surviving Los Iluminados members. Focus on trade routes with Germany,” he requested. “The informant mentioned Silje entertaining a particular ‘business partner’ on a regular basis.”

“On it.” She typed away furiously at a computer keyboard off-screen.

“Another thing,” Leon commented. “Why wasn’t the informant told about the real nature of this situation?” 

“That was under Bergmann’s discretion.” 

He scoffed derisively. “She’s putting her in danger. The informant has no idea what she’s risking here. Silje just offered her the ‘gift’ and you and I know what that means.”

“Leon, you know the rules,” Hunnigan sighed sympathetically. “We don’t really have much say in this jurisdiction.”

“What do you mean? She reports to HQ!”

“Yeah, and they’ve given her free reign,” she explained, without batting an eyelid.

“In-fucking-credible.” He rolled his eyes.

“You need to press on. The informant has the best chance of getting you in,” she reasoned, giving pause and contemplating her next choice of words before speaking. “I would suggest not getting too attached to her.”

“I’m not,” Leon deadpanned, despite the look on Hunnigan’s face, like she didn’t believe him. 

“At the rate this is going, she may not be around long enough to do her job,” he clarified.

“You know we have a cure for that,” she rebutted. “The girl will be fine.”

He pursed his lips, changing the subject. “Hm, just send me the updates later.”

With that, he shut off his comms device and headed back into the living room, only to be accosted by your snide remark, “Let me guess, another convo that’s classified?”

His mouth twisted into a smirk. “Not quite.”

“Whatever Bergmann has been feeding you is bullshit,” he began. “We’ve been suspecting that the theater is being used as a front for developing a new batch of bioweapons they’re about to ship into the US.”

Your eyes widened at the newfound information. The whole time you had assumed that Silje was just providing a safehouse, not a full-on experimentation chamber. But with the recent events that had occurred, you should have considered it earlier.

“So the labs must be underground.” He thumped the pad of his index finger on the sketchings of the lower levels of the site on the map. “And they’re not just hiding people down there.”

Casting over a solemn glance, he revealed, “I’m telling you this, because you need to be careful.”

“And stop making deals you shouldn’t be making,” he warned.

You let the words sink in. “I see,” you nodded slowly. “Thanks, I… appreciate that.”

“The minute you feel something is off, or your veins start to darken, you contact me straight away and get the hell outta there. Understood?”

“Ok, I will,” you promised.

On the one hand, you were grateful that Leon had the courtesy to inform you about what you were getting into, but on the other, you were scared of what was to come. You had heard about the Terragrigia Panic and the B.O.W.s that devastated the floating city a year ago. The gruesome scenes were splashed across the news for weeks. Would the same happen here?

As if he could read your mind, Leon placed a hand on your shoulder to reassure you. “I won’t let them get you.”

“I trust you.” You said it as if it was clear as day.

His eyes bore into yours and his hand made its way towards your cheek, but stopped short in midair, a hair’s breadth away from touching your skin. Then, it fell to the side as he turned away, like he was ashamed of what had just transpired.

You cleared your throat in awkwardness, trying to recall the next point on the meeting agenda. Ah yes, Till.

Till was a fence you got to know from the parties you frequented. He was a friend of a friend of a… you got the idea. At first, you bought your drugs from his minions in the clubs, but then became a regular client of his the moment you started your informant career.

“As requested, I’ve arranged a meeting with Till.” You grabbed your day bag from the seat you had left it on. “He operates out of a nightclub that has a pretty strict door policy. So you’ll have to look the part.”

Leon raised an eyebrow. “Which would be?”

You sighed, unsure of how this would go down. “Um, your usual black get-up will do,” you mentioned tentatively. Unzipping your bag, which unveiled a sneak peek of its contents, you peered back at him. Here goes nothing. “So are you a more of a latex or leather kind of guy?”

What you would have given to permanently capture the look of shock on Leon’s face.

“Are you fucking serious?” He blurted out.

Perhaps you should make the decision for him then. Giving him a once over, you identified a common theme with his casual leather jacket and fingerless gloves. 

“I’m guessing leather,” you discerned, rummaging through your bag for a studded harness and tossing it over to him.

He caught the chunky material in his hands, looking at it with apprehension whilst shaking his head.

Fishing out a translucent, black crop top, you displayed it in front of Leon as you walked over to him. “Maybe over this and a pair of leather boxers.”

He grimaced. “No.”

Well, he sure wasn’t making your job easy. “I’ll be doing most of the ass-kissing at the door,” you argued. “You just have to wear this and keep your mouth shut.”

Please go along with it, you prayed. There was only so much magic you could pull to get him in at the club door.

Examining the outfit you had picked out for him gingerly, he muttered, “Jesus Christ, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

At least he wasn’t protesting any further.

“I’ll meet you there at 4 in the morning on Sunday,” you reminded him. “You’d better have something substantial to trade with.”

“That’s the least of my concerns right now,” he grumbled, to which you snickered in amusement before departing for the theater.

[waywardmateo]

First time posting my work, here goes.

——————————————————————————

Late Night Reading

Alastor x incubus!reader

|| I like the concept of Al paired with an incubus, something about a canonically asexual gentleman paired with a sex demon just allows for the latter to realize that they're worth more than just their body and work through some underlying trauma in a relationship where they're under no pressure to put out. It tickles my brain.

That aside, since an incubus is a male sex demon the reader will be read as masc/gn. I might be persuaded to write for a succubus reader at some point, but since the fandom is so diluted with content directed mainly towards cis women I just want to see more content for masc and gender neutral readers.

The neon lights never blinked out in Lust, the dirty corners of the city illuminated softly by its bright façade. Light pollution was at such a high potency that one wouldn't be able to make out a star in the crimson sky. It was dingy, filled to the brim with a type of secluded filth that stewed just beneath the surface of the buzzing neon lights and the hushed, dirty whispers in the ears of lovers.

A back door creaked open, and you all but spilled into the alleyway. Clutching the railing beside the doorframe not unlike a sinner clutches a rosary, your knees buckled and you retched over the edge of the stairs. Gasping—choking on your own bile as tears pricked your eyes—you dragged yourself onto wobbly legs and proceeded down the steps. Two at a time, almost desperate to get away from something.

You grasped your bag tighter as you walked past the front of the building, past the throngs of people clamoring to get admitted. The bright lights blinked out one word. Ozzie's.

You hadn't intended to end up dancing at Ozzie's. The only other work for an incubus in Lust was, well. Better to not think about it. It made your skin crawl.

Rats scuttled past you as you made your way to the station, gripping your bag like a vice. You stepped onto the train headed for the Pride ring, shouldering past the crowds of other hellborn and finding a seat by the window. You stuffed your bag under the seat and tried to unwind.

The night had been worse than most. Hands ghosting over your body, forcing sour fingers in your mouth, grabbing your great curling horns, stuffing dollar bills down your pants. You shivered, the acid bile scalding your throat threatening to make a reappearance.

Patrons treated you like a wind up toy they could crank up and let run until it subsequently ran itself immobile.

Best not to think of it now. You leaned your head against the window and stared out into Hell's swirling cherry-colored night sky.

You sigh, the breath condensing as it hit the window. The train rattles on almost soothingly. Every so often someone is let off at a stop, the brakes squealing to a halt.

—————————————————————————————————————————

Around the fifth stop or so, you step off the train. Bag in hand, you slowly approach the large, looming hotel. You falter before reaching out to push open the door.

It was only supposed to be a couple of nights. You were at your lowest, evicted from your apartment after being laid off from your job in Pentagram City. You had approached the hotel with a few crumpled dollar bills in your hand, but the Princess refused to take them. Despite your inability to be rehabilitated or redeemed due to your being hellborn, she still let you stay rent free at her hotel. You hated feeling that you owed her, so you constantly offered yourself to be at her complete disposal. She always declined.

You always did the dishes to make yourself feel better for being a leech, anyhow.

Tonight, you quietly ventured past the foyer. Nobody should have been awake, but the crackle of radio static immediately alerted you to the presence of another demon. You halted, a cold shiver running down your spine. The white noise only intensified.

Alastor sat in the armchair, legs crossed. He was without his overcoat and his staff was propped up against the sofa. He was leaning forward, his face resting against the heel of his palm as he gazed at you. His monocle hung loosely against his chest, and there was a book in his lap. It was almost as if he were expecting you, waiting for you.

"Oh, dear. This won't do, sneaking around at night, hmm?"

His voice held a sharp implication.

"I wasn't sneaking," you protested. "I was at work."

"Ah, I'm sure you were, my dear." He said it absently, like he didn't quite believe you. His voice carried across the room easily, creating an ambience of white noise and radio static that eased you up only slightly.

"What're you doing this late at night, anyhow?" You turn the accusatory tone back at him.

"Ah, reading. I've been known to enjoy a good book or two." Alastor chuckles.

You sat down on the sofa across him.

"Okay..."

"You seem awfully tired."

"Yes, I was at work."

"Tea?"

You paused. Weighing his offer with some skepticism.

"What blend, the blood of your enemies?"

"Aha, very funny. Chamomile."

He offered you a teacup. Still warm. Almost as if he knew you were coming.

You took it gingerly, almost as if it might explode. You've learned to fear him, but tonight he seemed almost docile.

You held the teacup in shaking hands. Alastor notices.

"What seems to be the matter, my dear?"

The fireplace crackled in the background against the sound of radio waves as you thought carefully over your response.

"I'm just tired, is all."

"Hmm."

You took a sip of tea to lengthen the silence. It soothed your burning throat a bit.

"Wonderful talk. Well, I'm headed off to bed, I suppose I'll see you in the morning, [Name]."

You nod once.

After seemingly taking a moment to contemplate, Alastor stood up and took hold of his staff. He turns to you, taking your hand, and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"Sleep well, my dear."

—————————————————————————————————————————

Thank you so much for your notes! Especially on my first work.

Blessed be <3

-M

[dawn-moths]

"Till Death, What's Left"

CHAPTER 1

Tomura & Dabi x Female Reader

word count: 23,000+

part 1 * part 2 * part 3 * ...

(A quirkless AU where after fleeing a treacherous incident, you find yourself caught up in the company of two strangers who also seem to have just narrowly escaped their own horrors. Unexpected events keep the three of you crossing paths. Maybe it’s twisted coincidence. Maybe it’s fate. And maybe, just maybe, the three of you could make the perfect trio to perform a string of robberies with payouts high enough to change your lives forever.)

disclaimer/content warning: 18+ content! minors dni! concept inspired by the music video for “365 Fresh” by triple h, title taken from the lyrics, drug mention, drinking, sexual harassment/assault, violence, blood/gore, suicidal thoughts/actions, angst and trauma, jealousy, love triangle, the songs mentioned in this fic are "Audi A4" by MISSIO and "Johnny Wants To Fight" by badflower.

*i'm reposting this fic in hopes that it reaches a wider audience this time given it originally went up back when i was sh*dowb*nned. also because chapter two will be coming out soon and i'll be putting in a lot more consistent work into it throughout this year.

*ao3 mirror*

***

The alleyway was narrow, cluttered with stray trash cans and empty produce crates and abandoned pieces of furniture that were littered with holes, serving as a metropolis for the vermin that scampered through the dirty, downtown streets.

The clouds covered the moon, another storm likely on its way based on the warnings grumbling from the distant, low rumble of thunder, the air thick with the humidity of the summer season. Suffocating, almost. Each breath taken was labored, the acrid tastes emanating from the city laying heavy on one’s tongue.

And, as painful as it was to draw in air under normal circumstances amidst this kind of weather, Dabi was running, his lungs burning every time he forced them to suck down more oxygen. His spiky black hair stuck to his forehead and back of his neck with a layer of building sweat, his old black boots nearly falling apart at the soles, brittle laces threatening to snap every time he got lucky enough to tie them up again.

He moved quickly through the obstacles of the alley, swiftly— like the stray cats that were spooked back into hiding with the sound of his fast falling footsteps coming near— but not nearly quick enough.

From behind him, the shouts were always right on his tail.

At the most, their angry voices were only ever the turn of a single corner away, at the least, close enough to grab his beat up old black denim jacket and yank him to the ground by the tattered collar.

If he could get to the abandoned apartment complexes further into the slums, he could lose his pursuers, weave his way through the crumbling buildings, his long, thin limbs slithering smoothly like snakes through the maze of gaps and holes that he knew so well— almost as if they were merely the halls of his childhood home.

Dabi wasn’t accustomed to getting caught. In fact, he’d only ever been sighted twice before, back when he’d first taken to this life after running away at the age of sixteen from the city that now loomed in the foggy distance. The beatings he’d sustained from the rival gangs back then, the near death experience of having his head kicked in by men twice his size and strength paired with the metallic taste of blood running down his throat had taught him to abide by one simple rule.

Don’t steal from someone you can’t outrun.

And Dabi was fast. Always had been, whether it be by wit or physical speed. But tonight, after enduring the beginnings of withdrawal from his beloved painkillers, his vision starting to sway, setting his balance off just enough, he wasn’t on his usual game.

The real kicker of it all is that he could see them come into view— the silhouette of the rundown, deserted apartments only a block or two away— just before his next step found a deep puddle and his feet slid out from under him, body slamming into the brick wall of the connecting alley before the back of his head smacked down on the grimy, cracked asphalt with a sickening thud.

It took his chasers four more strides to catch up, jumping on him immediately and snatching back the cash he’d swiped before beginning the third— and possibly final— beating that Dabi had ever experienced on these harsh streets.

His pale, tattoo covered skin was split with streaks of red, bruises blossoming in deep blue and violet shades across his face and body with every punch, every kick, every deadly impact from the gang as they told him— promised him— that they were going to kill him for this. The blood mixed with the sweat and ran in rivulets down his face, his teeth grit so hard with the pain that he feared they might crack.

But Dabi didn’t beg for mercy, didn’t even ask them to stop once.

He hadn’t the first time he’d been in this situation, or the second time, and now, he almost couldn’t help but laugh after his enemies left him to die lying in that alley.

They should’ve killed me, he thought through his sinister hysteria. They should’ve fucking killed me.

Because pain wasn’t something that Dabi feared.

Pain was like an old friend.

When he knew it was coming— and even when the visit was unexpected— Dabi welcomed the pain.

Because the pain meant he was still alive, even if just out of spite.

But he needed to get more of his pills. 

The pills weren’t the farewell to his old friend, pain.

The pills were an “I’ll see you soon.”

He liked the painkillers at night, when he was trying to sleep. Couldn’t sleep without them these days. But after a big break a few weeks back, Dabi had found himself with some extra time on his hands. More time to kill. More time to sleep.

So his nighttime hobby bled into the day, accompanied him through his afternoons and mingled with his lonely evenings.

Before he knew it, he’d found himself in a full blown love affair with the little white pills. His cruel, addictive mistress.

And he needed more.

He desperately needed more.

He’d do anything— had risked his life once already that night— and showed no signs of stopping.

After a while, he sat up with a groan of suffering, clutching his side where he was sure at least two of his ribs were broken, and braced himself against the cold brick wall of the alley to get back on his own two feet.

He had a bloody nose, a split lip, several other cuts and bruises marking his person, one of the more notable ones being a black welt under one of his eyes, the sclera dyed with red where a blood vessel had burst, contrasting starkly against his cobalt blue irises.

Dabi had already looked like hell on a good day and now…

Well, at least he still had his boots, even if they were falling apart.

So he kept moving, preparing to chase the next opportunity for cash.

Because he needed this tonight.

He’d lose his goodman mind if he saw the sun come up and his limbs were still shaking and his blood felt icy hot in his veins.

He was only a few blocks away from the nightlife district. Could practically see the red neon and blinking lights from where he staggered in the darkness.

So he started walking— limping, more accurately— trying not to scrape one aching foot on the pavement behind him where one of the bastards had tried to snap his ankle, and slipped into a shitty looking bar where the light was low enough that the other patrons hopefully couldn’t see his severe state of appearance.

“Hello, ladies,” Dabi began smoothly after clearing some thick, blood infused salvia from his throat, slinking towards the main bar where he saw two lone women drinking with one empty seat between them. He slipped onto the vacant stool and draped his arms over both their shoulders, limbs heavy with fatigue and radiating heat from the fading adrenaline.

They gave him varying glares of disinterest and disgust, but Dabi didn’t mind that.

It wasn’t the girls he was after tonight, anyway.

It was the set of shiny car keys that were placed oh so naively on the counter next to one of the women, the black and silver of the key fob taunting him, begging to be swung around his long, boney, tattoo covered fingers, tossed up into the air, caught, and pocketed as he strolled out of the bar and towards his new ride.

That oughta sell for enough cash to fund his drugs.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you both seem to be alone tonight…” Dabi’s lithe grasp inched closer towards the keys, slow and steady so as to not raise suspicions, yet it was killing him inside not to just snatch them and run. If not for the recent beating, he would’ve. “Might I interest you in my company?”

“We’re good, thanks,” one of the women shot back as she aggressively shrugged Dabi’s arm off her shoulders.

“Awww, c’moooon…” Dabi cooed condescendingly, eyebrows pulled together and lifted with faked disappointment. “Don’t be like that.” His fingers were nearly at the keys now. Just a few more inches and then…

“Dude, are you deaf?” the other asked rhetorically, also irritated at the unwelcome advances. “We’re not interested. Now get lost.”

And…

Just a little closer…

A liiiiiiittle closer…

Bingo.

“Alright, alright…” Dabi stood from the barstool, slipping his hands into his jacket pockets and beginning to step away. “Just tryna be a gentleman, jeez…” And then, just as he’d played out in his fantasy, as he exited the bar and stepped back into the city streets, he twirled the keys around one finger, tossed them into the air, caught them, and headed towards the car whose headlights blinked from down the block as the unlock button from the keys was sensed.

“Dumb bitch,” he chuckled under his breath as he turned the keys in the ignition, hearing the engine start up as the radio turned on, pulling out of the poor excuse for a parallel parking job and speeding off back towards his part of town.

As the high of his success coursed through his veins, he caught onto what song was playing and cranked up the volume, the windows shaking with the bass as “Audi A4” by MISSIO blared through his stolen car.

“I know you’re watchin’!” he called out with the loud song, approaching an intersection where the light had just turned yellow, pressing down harder on the gas pedal. “My A-Team’s rockin’!” There was another vehicle approaching from the adjacent lane, their light soon to turn green. “And I’m not stoppin’!” He ran the red light as he sung along, laughing to himself when the other car slammed on their brakes and held down their horn at him. “One! Two! Three! Four!”

And with that, Dabi had officially crossed back into his part of town.

***

You were just closing up for the night, working the late shift at the privately owned salon and barber shop that you’d gotten a job at by a friend of a friend.

You fucking hated this place.

It always smelled like mold, especially after it rained, and the owner always gave you the jobs no one else wanted to do on top of the job you’d been hired to do, which had originally been to cut hair.

No, your misogynistic, ugly bastard of a boss didn’t even try to hide it. He made it plain as day what his real intentions were in hiring you.

You gotta get into all the cracks and crevices, he’d remind you with a sleazy smirk, watching you with hungry eyes as you got down on your hands and knees to scrub the floor. If you don’t do it this way, it’ll never get clean.

He complained about having to come in to “check on you” all the time, yet always found it in his “busy schedule” to watch you do something as degrading as scrubbing in between the mildew ridden linoleum with a toothbrush. Always had something to say about what you wore to work, no matter what it was, and had even slapped you on the ass a few times before as a “joke”.

Too bad you needed this job. Wouldn’t survive without it. Not unless you wanted to go work at the cheapest strip club in the red light district just to pay for some microwavable meals and barely scrape by on rent.

Yeah, you fucking hated this place. You often spent your time daydreaming about burning it down as you snipped the dead ends off of people’s hair, fantasizing about slitting your boss’s throat with a pair of scissors or straight razor as he hovered nearby and watched you blow dry and style your clients’ new looks.

But tonight, just about ready to walk out of this shithole that you still couldn’t believe anyone came back to, let alone could find in its hole in the wall location, you let out an exasperated sigh when you heard the cheap, rust-rotted bells— one of which was broken— jingle above the front door.

“We’re closed!” you called as you folded the last cloth poncho up and tossed it over one of the chairs. Then just to yourself you mumbled, “God, can’t anyone read the sign…”

But then you sucked in a gasp at the sight of the large, lumpy silhouette that belonged to your boss standing in the entrance to the salon, clutching your heart as he startled you.

“I’m just closing up,” you began as you caught your breath, wanting to get out of here even more now. “What? You forget something?”

“No,” your boss stated sternly as he stepped further into the salon and closer to you, you instinctively taking a step back towards the sinks. “You have one final customer.” He sat down in one of the three chairs and you felt your stomach sink.

This motherfucker.

“Well, are you gonna do your job or are you only good for sweeping and scrubbing floors?!” he snapped, shaking you from your creeping dread.

You grabbed your scissors and comb, trying to steady your shaking hands as you draped the poncho over him.

He was watching you from the mirror, beady eyes glued to the little bit of cleavage that showed from your button up shirt, only ever drifting to find your thighs that were exposed below your jean skirt.

Fucking pervert, you cursed him with distain, snipping away at his greasy, thinning hair as your rage began to boil.

“Oh, and I want a shave too, alright, sweetheart?” he added, mocking tone proving that he knew he was getting under your skin and enjoying every second of it.

Once you were done with his hair you grabbed the straight razor and shaving cream, trying to remain expressionless as you slathered his face with the white foam, refusing to meet the predatory gaze that he kept trained on you while you worked.

“You better not cut me,” he threatened with a leer, flashing the gaps in between his crooked, discolored teeth, some of which were missing entirely. You opened the straight razor, the metal gleaming sinisterly under the fluorescent lights. “If you do…” His hand found your thigh, sliding up to squeeze your ass over your skirt, making you flinch and grit your teeth, jaw flexing in venomous vexation. “You’re not gonna like the consequences.”

Yeah, well you’re not the one with a razor to my neck, motherfucker, you thought with burning malice.

You could see it so clearly, practically feel it as you sliced the blade across his fat neck, skin parting like a hot knife through butter as dark, dangerous red spilled out and drenched his pit-stained polo with gore.

You were sure that no one would miss him.

In the very least, you and your co-workers— the few of them that you had— would be free from his fucked up definition of flirting.

But what would you do with the body?

Surely you couldn’t lift him on your own and you’d probably expend more energy than you currently had available to drag him into the alley out back.

And what about the blood?

You could try to mop it up but…

“What’s the problem, hon?” he asked in that patronizing way you fucking hated when he noticed you hesitating. His hand began to worm its way up under your skirt, a few of his rough, thick fingers sliding under the waistband of your panties at your hip. “I hope you don’t take this long with regular customers.”

Your grip tightened around the straight razor, face scrunching up in disgust and discomfort.

“Hey!” he snapped when you didn’t give a reply, his grip tightening on you as well, making you hiss through clenched teeth and finally shoot your gaze down to meet his. His sharpness softened then, as if he’d won something, another revolting smirk spreading across his thin lips. “Do a good job and I’ll make sure and give you an extra good tip, ok?”

You let out a slow, only slightly shaky exhale, and then, with the blade pressed to his neck, you began to drag the razor along his stubbly skin, careful not to nick him.

He took his hand off you— for now, at least— but that did nothing to ease the fury that was expanding in your chest.

It’d be so easy, the idea whispered ominously. He’s in no position to run, no position to fight back. You have him exactly where you want him. Exactly where you need him.

Like a hot knife through butter.

Once you were done, using a warm towel to dab off the remaining shaving cream, your boss rolled himself from the chair with a grunt and went to inspect your work up close in one of the many mirrors.

“Not baaaaaad…” he praised in a rough, sing-songy tone, again making a lump of anxiety settle in your throat. You tried to swallow it down before you’d have to speak to him again, if he found a way to get another response out of you.

He turned to face you as you refolded the poncho and tossed it back over the chair, huffing out a breath of annoyance.

But just before you could turn around to hurry past him down the short hallway and exit the shop, one of his big hands found your shoulder, startling you yet again. “Now…” Your eyes went wide with terror as his expression morphed into something violent, something that spelled more than just unwarranted touching or sexist remarks. “How about I give you that tip I promised, hm?”

He was pressing you against the sink counter before you got the first syllable of your protest out, your hips digging painfully into the edge while his growing erection rubbed up against the back of you.

“Stop!” you shouted, fighting to break free. “Stop! Let go!”

The straight razor sat open next to the sink.

“C’mon now…” he growled, pushing into you harder as he tried to hold you still, pressing your chest flat to the counter as you twisted and writhed under his grip. “Don’t be difficult. That’ll just make things harder for the both of us.”

Your blood ran cold, causing you to struggle harder, screaming out loud and shrill.

He slapped a hand over your mouth and you bit into his skin, making him curse and then rake his fingers roughly through your hair, grabbing at the roots and forcefully slamming your head down onto the sink counter, making you body shudder with the pain and then still momentarily from the daze of the impact.

The straight razor still sat open next to the sink, the glint of light off the blade blurring in and out of your spinning vision.

“You think I keep you around here ‘cause you’re actually good at cutting hair?” your boss taunted through a short, curt chuckle, undoing his belt as he kept you pinned against the counter. “Yeah, guess you’re as dumb as you are pretty, hon.”

You reached out, movements sluggish at first, and grabbed the razor, sliding it towards you.

“Maybe you should work late more often,” he had the audacity to say next, tugging your panties down, the sounds of threads tearing making your heart hammer in your chest with panic and your stomach turn with nausea. “Maybe, if you’re good, I’ll give you a raise…”

You began to push up from the counter, spine trying to straighten, the razor gripped tight in your trembling first.

But it wasn’t fear that was making you shake right now.

No.

Now it was nothing but pure, white hot, blinding rage.

“Little slut. Always coming to work dressed like a whore. You can’t exactly blame me for—” But the next insult was cut short as the deadly end of the straight razor buried itself into the disgusting man’s throat, his sputtering gags filling the space where his words used to be as liquid red ribbons spurted from his jugular.

You yanked the blade from his neck, a spray of red speckling your face and front of your button up shirt as you winced and closed your eyes, more of the gore spilling from his neck from between his fingers as he stumbled back and tried to apply pressure to the wound.

You watched as he tripped over his own feet and almost fell back into the chair he’d just had you shave him in, but missed by a couple feet and instead smacked the back of his head against the metal arm rest before dropping like a bag of rocks to the linoleum floor.

The razor was still in your hand, blood dripping off the end of the blade that reflected the bastard’s final dying breaths.

He gaped at you with wide eyes, reaching out with his free hand and seeming to be attempting to plead, to beg for help or mercy or any of the other things he would never have shown you.

But you weren’t a monster like him.

You weren’t going to leave your prey to writhe and squirm in agony.

Because you weren’t a coward either.

No.

For better or for worse, you were going to finish the job.

Like a hot knife through butter, huh?

Let’s find out.

You approached him slowly, careful to stay out of reach from his grabbing hands that would likely pull you down to the floor by your ankle and try to get the one up on you again in his final moments. When you realized just how weak he was growing from the bloodloss, you straddled his fat body, probably giving him one last hard on before it all came to an end. Because the next thing you did was drive the razor into the base of his neck, right where there would’ve been a dip in his collar bones if they’d been visible, repeating the vicious motion until his struggling had finally stilled and he lay there unmoving, his blood covering you both, the light having left his squinting, rodent-like stare.

You stepped off of him then, watching the blood pool around him for a minute or two before the weight of it all came crashing down on you. The straight razor slipped out of your hands, which were trembling in fear now, all prior rage-fueled vengeance gone. And it was the metallic clang of the weapon hitting the floor that finally pulled you back down to earth.

“Fuck…” you exhaled through a shaky breath, looking down at the blood that covered your hands, hasilty wiping them on your jean skirt with splotches of red before rushing over to grab all the ponchos you’d just folded, throwing them down and trying to soak up all the blood that was continuing to pour from his person.

“Fuck… Fuck… Fuck!”

Thank god it was closing, but still. The night would only last so many hours. Would you have enough of them to get rid of the body and hide the evidence before tomorrow morning’s clients came knocking?

***

There was so much blood. Way more than you thought there’d be, that was for sure. All the ponchos were ruined with a dark, rusty red. Discarded thoughtlessly in the dumpster out back where you’d painstakingly dragged the body to slump alongside all the trash it belonged with.

Someone would find him. There was no doubt about that.

But by then, you’d be gone. The shop would be clean. Or clean enough to buy you a little more time, at the very least. And you’d most likely have packed the few belongings you had back at your dingy, cramped apartment and skipped town.

You didn’t know where you were going but the one thing you did know was that you couldn’t stay here.

It had to be nearly two in the morning when you finally stumbled out of the shop, not remembering if you locked up behind you but not giving a shit at this point, hurrying down the short span of alley that would lead you back out onto the hopefully abandoned main streets, when the blinding glare of oncoming headlights stopped you in your tracks, causing you to freeze in the middle of the narrow road where a car was barreling towards you.

If it killed you, at least you wouldn’t have to deal with the cops hunting you down.

But it stopped with a jolt and a screech only a few feet before colliding with you, the driver inside slamming back against the headrest with the force before you both just stared at each other through the windshield with wide-eyed, surprised and terrified expressions.

Dabi noticed the blotches of red that were freckled across your white shirt, the smudges of rust on the faded denim of your skirt, saw the bits of blood that had dried in your hair and on your face where you thought you’d wiped the evidence away.

He turned down the blaring music and opened the driver’s side door, stepping out and looking at you for a moment as the headlights continued to cause you to squint and shield your vision with one hand, only able to see the stranger’s silhouette— a tall, lanky shadow with spiky, wild hair.

What he’d meant to say was get out of the road, but instead what came out was, “Need a ride?”

You nodded, trying to gulp down the remnants of the trauma you’d just been through over the past couple of hours.

“Then get in.”

So you did, having no problem listening to this man without hesitation— well, you had minor hesitation, but still— though you supposed that this man hadn’t tried to assault and rape you.

If he did, you wouldn’t have your straight razor, but now that you’d done it once, you supposed you wouldn’t be afraid to kill again.

But he didn’t try to put his pale, tattoo covered hands on you. Just glanced down at the blood that stained your hands and asked with a sarcastically curious, “What happened?”

“Nothing…” you shook your head, trying to hide your hands by sitting on them, feeling the still drying blood sticking to the underside of your thighs, staring out the window and hoping that he would become more distracted by the road than your crime. “You can just drop me off near the train station.”

The man, who you now noticed had tattoos not just on his hands but pretty much everywhere— the ink trailing up his wrists and arms, his neck, even some migrating under his eyes— along with cuts and bruises of his own, and bright, clear, damn near entrancing blue eyes simply put the car into drive and continued down the narrow side street towards where you’d directed him.

***

Tomura Shigaraki had tried to kill himself numerous times before.

He’d tried suffocation, drowning, pills, leaning off the edge of a bridge and peering down at the drop that was sure to end him the moment his body hit the concrete.

He’d tried— and succeeded— at taking his own life numerous times before in the safety of his own mind. Took comfort in imagining his lifeless body lying still, undisturbed on a sidewalk somewhere or, better yet, in the comfort and familiarity of his own home.

And, a few times, he’d tied a plastic bag tight around his head and breathed until all the air was sucked out only to then panic and then tear it open, taking in big gulps of air and coughing out his impulsive stupidity.

He’d gotten into an overflowing bathtub completely clothed and submerged himself beneath the surface, tried to hold himself at the bottom until his body began to convulse and his chest tightened in pain, only to then break through the surface and yield the same result as when he’d failed previously.

But tonight, Tomura had found a fool proof plan.

There was always traffic downtown, especially on the weekend when the bars and clubs and general nightlife scene was at its most concentrated.

So as he walked along the sidewalk in his beat up old red converse, one of the laces untied and threatening to trip him with every step, he tried to imagine which one would take his life.

Would it be a standard yellow taxi cab? A family SUV?

Or maybe it would be a nice, expensive, spotless sports car.

Maybe it would be red or black or— better yet— white. That way his blood would show up bright against the hood.

Yeah, a white ferrari might be nice, Tomura thought with morbid glee.

But as he stood at the crosswalk, the glowing street sign above his head blinking with the WALK symbol of the little minimalistic figure taking a step forward, he found the one that he really wanted.

It wasn’t a ferrari, but it was white. A Mercedes-Maybach S Class with silver detailing.

And it was going fast.

Even after the light turned to yellow, the speeding car showed no signs of slowing.

Perfect, Tomura thought, bracing himself to step out in front of it at just the right moment.

The street was empty, aside from him and the car, the late hours of the night proving to be a little less optimal for his death than he would’ve originally liked, but if this was it then so be it. Tomura was ready to die. 

He was ready to not have anything around to stop him this time.

So he did it.

He jumped in front of the speeding car, his body slamming into the hood just as Dabi slammed on the brakes and skid to a halt for the second time that night— the second time that hour— nearly killing another complete stranger.

Tomura’s body flung back and rolled out into the middle of the street, laying motionless under the glow of the red light.

“What the fuck?!” Dabi shouted as he stepped out of the car, trying to assess the damage but not stray too far as he was still seriously considering just driving off. But he’d already stolen a car. He didn’t exactly want to add hit and run to his list of crimes for the night, though it’s not like it would’ve been the first time. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Should we help him?!” You were getting out of the car now, unsure of whether you should approach, seeming to be pulled towards the body and the car back and forth by an invisible line as you nervously shuffled on your feet. “God, what do we do?!”

“He threw himself in front of me!” Dabi snapped defensively, as if you hadn’t been sitting right next to him and seen the whole thing. “Fucking idiot! God…”

“Well, is he dead or…?” You now started towards the body as Dabi scanned the area, pulling on his hair with stress and frustration. No one was around but that didn’t mean the accident hadn’t been seen.

The scrawny stranger who lay in a heap of black clothing and shaggy, silvery hair wasn’t moving, but still, you couldn’t help but hold out hope.

“H-hello?” you asked once you were close enough that, if he was alive, he might be able to hear you. You knelt down to his level, leaning over him now, trembling hands hovering above his body like you were afraid even the gentlest of touches would shatter him, cause him to disintegrate to dust.

But then the young man groaned and flopped over onto his back, blinking bleary, scarlet eyes up at you. He had tired eyes, dark circles etched in deep, and a scar that ran over one side of his chapped lips.

“Oh my god!” you exclaimed as the silver-haired stranger mumbled quiet, incoherent things under his breath. “Hey! Hey, he’s alive!” you called back towards the tattooed man who’d nearly killed you not long ago. “He’s alive!”

Dabi remained by the car, his body leaning against the inside of the open driver’s door with one foot perched on the floor mat, halfway to just abandoning the both of you here and saving his own ass. “Are you fucking kidding me…?” he asked again, though this time mainly to himself.

“Hey, can you hear me?” you asked the person laying on the road in front of you. “Are you ok?”

As Tomura’s vision began to refocus, his voice began to return to him too. As far as he could tell, he was mostly uninjured. His entire body felt like it was just run over by a truck— or, well, actually, it was a Mercedes-Mayback S Class— but other than the constant aching soreness that made it hard for him to move, he was otherwise alive.

Unless…

“Are you…” Tomura began. You leaned in closer to hear him better, his voice a raspy ghost of a whisper. “Are you an angel?”

When you smiled at him then, just a tiny, slightly amused yet relieved grin, Tomura’s eyes rolled back into his head and he let out an exhausted sigh. Or, well, perhaps he too should be holding out hope. Because if you really were an angel that meant that he’d finally succeeded in killing himself.

“Can you stand?” you asked him next. In response, Tomura tried to roll back over onto his side and push himself off the ground. Your hands tried to guide him, to steady his body until he was on his own two feet and had an arm slung over your shoulders while you helped him limp towards the car.

“Hey!” Dabi shouted angrily as the two of you approached. “No! Leave him on the fucking curb! I ain’t chauffeuring another person around!”

“He’s hurt!” you called back in protest, staring up at Dabi with a plea for mercy. “We can’t just leave him!”

“Listen. I said I’d drop you off,” Dabi sneered, glancing at the staggering stranger with revulsion. “Not you and some random guy who was dumb enough to step out into oncoming traffic!”

“Hey, where do you live?” you asked Tomura, who still seemed to be caught in a daze, his weight becoming a little heavier on you as his body began to slump. When he didn’t respond, you just looked back to Dabi and said, “Just drop him off with me. I’ll figure the rest out.”

Dabi stared at you both then, battling with himself on whether you were worth the trouble or not— as if you’d ever been worth the trouble— then gave a begrudging sigh, telling you to hurry up and get back in the car.

You opened the door to the backseat and helped Tomura slide in before running around and reclaiming your seat on the passenger’s side, Dabi taking off before you’d even finished closing your door and speeding recklessly down the darkened night streets once again, clearly not having learned his lesson the first time— or the second, for that matter.

You kept watch on the man in the backseat from the rearview mirror, who just had his head lazily rested against the seat, slouching down and not bothering to put a seatbelt on as he stared out the window with utter defeat. If it weren’t for the steady rise and fall of his chest, there were a few times you would’ve thought him to be dead with how still he was sitting.

“Hey…” you addressed him. He just shifted his crimson gaze to meet yours in the mirror. “What’s your name?”

He averted his eyes again, staring back out the window at the ghost town rushing by outside. “It’s Tomura…” he finally answered after a long, labored breath.

You introduced yourself in return, only getting a simple, barely detectable nod in response.

“And what about you?” you then asked the driver whose jaw was still clenched, back teeth grinding in agitation from the recent events.

“Who gives a shit…” he answered rudely, narrowing his gaze at the road before him, running another red light.

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes. You didn’t particularly care either, you supposed.

“Ah, shit…” Dabi then said as he noticed the gas meter running empty. You were about to ask him what was wrong, but then he continued with, “Who the fuck goes out with their tank this low?” 

While he was throwing a fit over the dwindling fuel, you were starting to recognize the area, only a few more blocks till your apartment complex, but you didn’t say anything as you could feel the driver’s stress filling the atmosphere of the car. And, with this guy, you felt like a simple statement of “hey, my turn is coming up” would be more than enough to set him off right now.

Dabi cut down another side street where he knew a gas station wasn’t far. It was just outside the city, which you’d already been on the outskirts of, but Dabi wouldn’t be able to pawn the thing off if it stopped rolling the moment he parked it in the shady, underground garage of the illegal stolen car salesman he knew, so he had no choice.

And god he needed his pills.

He needed the cash first though, and to get the cash he needed the car.

Fucking million step process just to get some fucking painkillers, he thought bitterly.

But he could complain and grumble all he wanted.

In the end, he’d do whatever it took, just like always.

“Stay in the car,” he’d said in a way that sounded nonchalant, but you knew was an order, slamming the door shut before you could answer and going over to fill the tank.

You looked back at Tomura, who was still gazing out the window in a daze. You couldn’t help but stare at him, tracing the lines of his scars with your eyes, following the way his wavy hair framed his face and the cool light of the street lamps illuminated his pale skin, making his scarlette eyes glow even brighter. A vibrant contrast against all the monochromatic shades that otherwise painted his person.

“Hey…” you began, speaking softer that time, as if trying to soothe him. “Why did you do that?”

He didn’t respond at first, the only indication that he’d heard you being the slight widening of his eyes, the expression reading as if something dire had just occurred to him before dissipating back to exhaustion. 

“Do what?” he asked with a bored, tired drone.

“Try to kill yourself?”

Tomura looked at you now, only his eyes moving as if the rest of his body couldn’t be bothered. But he couldn’t hold your gaze for very long, the intensity of your sincerity killing him in a way he’d never considered.

“Dunno…” he lied, giving an awkward half shrug, wincing in pain halfway through and gripping his shoulder with one hand.

“Well it was a stupid thing to do,” you scolded him lightly, causing him to shoot you another one of those feral, wide-eyed glares, head turning a little more this time.

“Yeah, and what would you know about it?” he challenged with a scowl, raspy voice a little more sharp now. A little more dangerous.

“I know that if it were me, I wouldn’t try to drag someone else into it. Especially not complete strangers,” you answered, now wearing a scowl of your own.

But you weren’t actually mad at him, per se.

The way you saw it, even though you hadn’t been the one driving, you still would’ve felt responsible if you’d just left him there alone in the street. 

Besides, you’d already taken a life that night and one was more than enough for you.

So you weren’t mad at him. Just concerned.

Because, maybe, at one point or another you’d been just like Tomura. And, possibly sometime in the very near future, you’d be more than willing to throw yourself into oncoming traffic or off a building or bridge or, in the very least, swallow a bunch of pills just to make it all stop.

Because the sight of all that blood— the smell of it, acidic copper mixed with the chemical burning of the bleach stinging your nose— and the sheer fact that, despite the circumstances, you were indeed a murderer as of a few hours ago, well…

The full weight of that was sure to settle over you eventually and, when it did, it just might be too much to bear.

“Whatever…” Tomura puffed out through an exhale of annoyance, looking away from you and back out the window.

Only, Tomura actually did want to answer you. He just didn’t have the right words at the moment to explain it all— that sinking, empty emotion that comes with feeling like you’re completely alone in the world, of having nothing and no one. 

Though, a few seconds later, he perked up in the backseat, noticing something amiss as his skittish crimson gaze scanned the scene outside the window.

“Hey…” he said, causing you to glance over your shoulder. “Where’d that guy go?”

***

Dabi walked into the gas station’s convenience store with his hood up, his head down, and his hands shoved into his pockets.

First, he pretended to browse the chip aisle, strolling slowly as he read over all the brand names. Out of the corner of his gaze, he noticed a security camera. He wondered if it was actually on.

The cashier leaned over the counter and scrolled mindlessly on his phone, used to only a few sporadic customers coming in during the graveyard shift. He hadn’t even glanced towards Dabi when he’d entered, probably wouldn’t have cared even if he’d seen all the tattoos that covered his pale skin, that ran down his arms and up his chest and neck and face.

Maybe he wouldn’t care if Dabi tried to rob the place, if he took all the cash in the register and ran off either.

Because Dabi was even more shit out of luck than he had been at the start of the night.

He’d lost that bundle of cash he’d stolen when those guys had caught and beaten him in the alley and the gas station console wouldn’t let him fill his car until he had proof of payment first.

Well, here goes nothing, Dabi thought as he sighed and marched up to the register.

The kid was still scrolling through his phone and it was only when Dabi aggressively cleared his throat did he glance up, face going white when he registered the man standing before him.

“Uh… Can I—” the kid began, but was cut off as Dabi began one of his most ambitious bluffs in a long time.

“Open the register,” he ordered with a growl, voice quiet but stern, pushing one of the fists that were shoved in his pocket closer to the kid, pretending to conceal a gun. “And hurry it up.”

The cashier didn’t hesitate. He fumbled with the drawer and laid its entire contents out on the counter for Dabi to take, backing up and knocking down some of the cigarettes from where they were placed behind the counter while the tattooed thief stuffed the cash into his pockets.

When Dabi was done, he just nodded at the kid and said, “Oh, and gimme one a those,” eying one of the packs of marlboros that now lay scattered behind the counter. The cashier tossed him a pack with a shaky hand and then Dabi left, rushing towards the gas console, feeding in the bills, filling the tank, and then yanking the pump out the moment he heard it click, not bothering to place it back in its holder before jumping in the car and speeding away with a screech, both you and Tomura staring at him with wide-eyes, hands gripping the safety bars above the window as your bodies were jostled around with every veering turn.

“Uh… What ha—” you tried to ask.

“Don’t…” Dabi snapped, making both you and Tomura flinch. “Ask.”

So you didn’t. You remained silent for the rest of the drive aside from directing Dabi where to turn once you reentered the part of town you recognized. When you told him here was fine, he pulled over to the curb. “Um… Thank y—”

“Get out.” Dabi cut you off. He wouldn’t even look at you. You hesitated for a moment, once again wishing that you at least knew this mysterious man’s name despite how he’d treated you, then opened the door to exit. “And you,” Dabi glared at Tomura from the backseat, the silver-haired suicidal a little more alert now. “I ain’t drivin’ you around anymore either. Get out.”

Once Tomura was standing beside you on the sidewalk, Dabi just turned the music back up until it was so loud you could hear “Johnny Wants To Fight” by Badflower in a muffled blast from inside of the car and sped off again, feeling more on edge by the minute and needing to get the stolen car to his contact before the police had a chance to find him first.

And then it was just you and Tomura left in a perplexed daze in the middle of the night a few blocks from your apartment, everything that had happened up until this point feeling like some strange fever dream that you still hadn’t fully woken up from.

“So… uh…” you began, awkwardly eyeing Tomura who was staring at you like an inquisitive animal. “Do you live around here too or…?”

“I don’t live anywhere,” Tomura replied. “Not anymore, at least.”

It had to be three, maybe even close to four AM by now. Tomura looked tired. You were exhausted. You’d both had the same strange experience and just letting him walk away felt wrong, like you really would wake up tomorrow and forget everything, all the blood and black ink and silver-hair mixing together before fading away entirely.

“Do you… want to come in?” you hesitantly invited.

Tomura then seemed to snap out of his dead stare, blinking a few times before answering, “Sure.”

***

“This is it…” you said as you flipped up the switch by the door, the lights flickering a few times before illuminating the cramped studio. Tomura just stood in the doorway for a moment, eyes scanning what little there was to look at before stepping inside. Neither of you really knew what to say now. What to do. When an awkward silence began to fill the space, you asked, “So, um… Can I get you a glass of water or…?”

Tomura then seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was currently in, flinching as he registered that someone was speaking to him and responding with, “Oh, yeah, sure.”

As you took a hastily washed glass out of the sink where you’d left it this morning and filled it from the lukewarm tap, you kept an eye on your guest out of the corner of your vision and rinsed the dried blood from your hands.

He was standing in the middle of the room, honing in on specific details like what books you had scattered across the tiny, uneven coffee table you’d picked up for free from the curbside when you’d first moved here. He studied the dying houseplants that drooped by the fingerprint smudged windows, their leaves and vines having given up on reaching towards the sun long ago. But, one thing he noticed above all else was the single photo you kept on your scuffed up bedside table.

“Who are they?” he asked when you came over to hand him his drink. He took the glass carefully in his hands, as if he feared he might break it.

You took a seat on the end of your bed with your own glass of water, sipping at it as you glanced at the photo. “My family,” you admitted, though wore a sad expression where he would’ve expected one that was a little more, well…

Actually, he didn’t exactly have the fondest memories of his family either.

You thought he might ask you what happened to them, if they lived nearby or if you guys were close, but he didn’t. Instead, he just nodded like he understood and then sipped at his drink while standing a few feet across from you, both of you looking at each other and waiting for the other person to say something else.

You wondered just how long he’d been alone. How long he’d had to endure silence before almost getting killed— then saved, if you could call it that— by you and that tattooed guy in the middle of the street tonight. You almost asked. Would’ve, if not for him speaking first.

“Why did you let me in?” he asked, intentions unreadable in both his face and tone.

“Should I not have?” you inquired. Instinctively you reminded yourself where you’d hidden weapons throughout your apartment— a letter opener in the nightstand drawer, pocket knife underneath one of the couch cushions, multi-tool behind the vase near the front door— just in case things took a turn. Tomura just continued to stare at you, his gaze curious, as if he found you just as odd yet enticing as you found him. “I mean…” you then recovered, “You said you had nowhere to go, right?”

He nodded, bringing the glass to his lips but pausing before taking the next sip, saying, “Did you know the guy in the car?”

“Not until just before we ran into you,” you admitted.

Then Tomura asked “Did he do that to you?” nodding at all the blood on your clothes. You realized that maybe it wasn’t necessarily you he kept staring at with wild eyes, but all the evidence instead.

You’d already nearly forgotten about it.

“Oh…” you exhaled, plucking at your button up shirt and noticing that the bright red had gone rusty now. There was no way those stains were coming out. You’d have to throw your clothes away or, probably a better idea, burn them. “No, he didn’t. That was…”

But you couldn’t finish the sentence. Not even with an insult at your former boss. You just wanted to forget any of it had ever happened.

Tomura then sat on the end of your bed next to you, staring at where the beat up old sofa was pushed up against the wall and gulping down the rest of his water. It was then your turn to study him, decode his appearance as if that would answer all your unasked questions. But, unlike you, his situation was a lot harder to read. He kept it carefully concealed under long black sleeves and faded black jeans, shaggy tufts of hair falling in front of his eyes and hiding parts of his face from you.

Though, there was one thing you hadn’t noticed before, when the only light you’d had to view him by was the dim glow of passing streetlamps or traffic lights. His skin wasn’t just scarred, it was scratched, dry and patchy around his eyes and forehead, eyebrows sparse and chunks of his eyelashes missing as if he’d rubbed them off.

Instinctively, you raised a hand to touch him, wanting to care for whatever condition he had— wanting to understand it better so you could help— but when he saw it coming towards him in his peripheral vision he flinched back, grabbing your wrist to stop you.

You both stared at each other with gaping expressions, scared for different reasons.

“I’m sorry—” you went to say, the words caught in a gasp. But Tomura didn’t look angry. He didn’t look like he was going to hurt you. Instead, he looked at you as if he thought he’d just narrowly protected you from something horrible, like touching him was some kind of curse you might catch. “I didn’t mean—”

But then he let you go, giving you back your wrist, which you cradled in your other hand, and looked away from you. “Sorry…” he mumbled, vermillion stare stuck to the multicolored shag rug hiding the partially rotting hardwood floors. “It’s just… I’m not used to being touched and I…”

Similar to you, Tomura also had a hard time speaking the things he’d much rather forget.

Then, without thinking you blurted out, as if you had just suddenly decided it needed to be freed from the cage of your body, “I killed someone tonight.” Tomura didn’t flinch at that. Just looked back at you with a gaze that either said, “I’m sorry” or “I understand”. Maybe both.

And suddenly you had this fear of rejection, like you expected him to lash out and call you crazy, deride you for committing such a heinous act. But instead he just asked you, “Did they deserve it?”

You cracked a nervous smirk, the fever dream you felt like you were floating in becoming all that more unbelievable. “Yeah…” you said, a stifled, choking sound that was perhaps the dying embers of a sob catching in your throat. “Yeah, he did.”

“What are you gonna do?” he asked next. You felt like the scenery around you was beginning to blur, the walls closing in tighter and tighter until they’d press flat against you and trap you in a cube of claustrophobia. 

Your eyes began to tear up. “I don’t know…” The heat that was building in the room was beginning to feel suffocating. You buried your face in one of your hands, the other one holding the half empty glass of water starting to tremble. “I don’t know…” The air conditioner had never worked and even your cheap convenience store fan had broken recently. “I really don’t know…”

Tomura was unsure what to say to you, but he was trying to find the words. Any words. Any words at all to convey to you that you’d figure it out. That you’d be alright but—

But why did he care?

Why did Tomura— someone who’d tried time and time again to end his own life because he was so convinced that nothing was ever going to be alright for him ever again— care whether you sorted out your problems or dug your own grave?

Because she doesn’t deserve that, he figured. She has far more to live for than someone like me.

You were just crying now, your glass of water sitting abandoned on the floor by your feet as you hid your sorrows in both of your palms, body shaking even more as another wave of tremors wracked through your bones, sharp inhales peppered throughout your otherwise silent sadness.

Tomura wished he hadn’t stopped you from touching him earlier. He wished he’d allowed you to reach over and run your careful fingertips over his skin, the scars and the dry patches that cracked and split in thin slashes across his face.

Though, maybe, perhaps, if he could reach out and touch you, you’d allow him to try and care for you the way you’d wanted to care for him. As much as one hollow stranger could care for another, that is.

“They’re gonna find me,” you muttered, words garbled by the thick coating of saliva clogging the back of your throat. “They’re gonna find me and then they’re gonna—”

You froze when you felt a hand— Tomura’s hand— resting on the small of your back, peeking out from your palms as if to confirm that it was actually him that was touching you and you weren’t just imagining it. And he was tense at first. Not gentle and comforting like he had a feeling you could be.

But he was trying.

You were making him want to try.

“What…?” you eventually asked, Tomura’s startled stare becoming too intense for you to hold.

He then mumbled something, his voice so quiet you didn’t catch it at first. So again, you asked him, “What?” and when he repeated himself you realized he’d said, “I want to kiss you.”

You blinked a few times, trying to clear the thin film of tears that still glossed over your eyes, lashes spiked and cheeks streaked with drying salt. Your ears were ringing, and suddenly all you could hear was the buzzing in your head. But you felt your mouth moving, felt the gentle vibration of your vocal chords when you said, “So kiss me then.”

Tomura leaned in halfway, the hand on your back clutching your shirt in his fist, trying to conceal just how terrified he was of his own desire— for you and this newfound realization that maybe he did actually want to live, even if only just a little bit. It was overwhelming.

And it was kind of nice, the fact that he wasn’t trying to feel you up right from the get go and pin you underneath him like most of your previous one night stands tended to do. So you kissed him, and he kissed you back, but it wasn’t romantic or sweet. It was rough and desperate, both of you trying to leave proof on each other that the other person existed, that you’d met, that you’d both almost died that night yet had somehow ended up alive at the end of it all, even if one of you hadn’t wanted to.

Tomura had shaky hands. And they were cold, like they had no blood in them, like he really had died back there on the street and was just a walking corpse. They sent a shiver through your body as his fingers brushed against your ribs under your shirt, pushing up until they found the clasp of your bra, fumbling with it absentmindedly as if he wasn’t aware of what his fingers were tangled up in.

You reached behind you and undid it for him, both of you breaking the kiss and pausing for a moment, lips still almost touching as you panted into each other’s mouths and wondered if this was really happening. If you wanted it to happen.

I killed someone, you remembered again. And then I almost watched him get killed.

It was fucked up.

All of it.

Your life.

His.

And definitely the guy who’d driven you two and then sped off without a word.

All of it was just so fucked up.

Has been for a long time, you thought, going back to kiss Tomura again, this time trying to be a little softer, letting him know that you needed things to slow down a bit. But when your tongues met this time, you realized something odd.

Tomura tasted like nothing.

Now that you thought about it, he didn’t smell like anything either.

Maybe he really is a ghost, you thought to yourself with much less concern than you probably should’ve. Either way, you wanted to feel his lips on yours again, kissing him over and over until you felt like some of his rigidness had melted away.

“Wait… Do you really wanna do this?” Tomura asked then, seeming to be second guessing himself now that his thoughts had actually caught up to his actions.

“Do you?” was all you answered in return. You think you wanted to, though, you weren’t exactly sure why.

Does there need to be a reason, you asked yourself. Does there need to be a reason when nothing makes any fucking sense anyway?

When Tomura’s hands started trailing up your body again, you took that as a maybe. When he kissed you again, also being a little softer this time, you took that as a yes.

So you let him have you, taking no issue when he squeezed at your ass or pulled your panties down. Because you could see it in his eyes— this void, empty space where maybe, at one point, his true self had been.

You had also lost your true self.

You couldn’t remember exactly when or how, but you often felt like you were nothing more than an empty vessel, just a body wandering aimlessly without a soul to occupy it.

And at one point, you too had wished for it all to end, having run out of options for escape, tired of scraping at the bottom of the barrel just to earn another day in the pathetic game of survival you supposed you called your life.

But here, now, with this silver-haired stranger who’s name you’d barely learned, you felt like the embers of your dwindling soul were being reignited in its hearth, the flames that maybe would grow into a steady fire coursing warm through your blood.

Tomura didn’t bother with much foreplay. Didn’t need to. You were wet enough already just from some simple touching and kissing. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been like this in a long time— lying underneath someone who you actually wanted to give yourself to, not just shutting out the sensations as you went through the motions when you were late on paying your rent. But Tomura still prepped you the best he could, slipping two of his slender fingers into your fluttering hole and pumping them in and out a few times, scissoring them inside to stretch you.

When you told him you were ready— that you wanted him now— Tomura sunk into you slowly, feeling you clench around him right away and letting out a groan as his crimson eyes rolled back in his head. As he rocked his hips rhythmically, your neck craned and your back arched, breathy little moans escaping your lips.

“Tomura…” you whined as he brought his chapped lips down to suck at your neck, leaving behind his own personal constellation of bruises, biting in sometimes and pulling a gasp or another moan from you.

His hips picked up the pace soon, thrusting into you and making your whimpers come out louder, sounds of pain and pleasure filling the formerly silent, small space of the apartment. You didn’t care if your neighbours heard you. It’s not like you knew your neighbours anyway. Besides, you were still planning on skipping town soon anyway.

“T-Tomura!” you were begging, but for what?

For more?

For him to slow down? To speed up?

Even you weren’t sure anymore.

You just let yourself get lost in the touch of the man you’d only known for a couple of hours yet felt you understood better than some people you’d known your entire life.

It was almost like you needed to prove to yourself that this was still ok after what had happened with your boss. You needed to know that you weren’t broken, that any scars you’d gained from that incident would heal and fade away. Maybe he could be the bandaid on the bullet hole that was the amalgamation of every horrible thing that had ever happened to you. With how good he felt inside you, it sure seemed that way.

And Tomura, well, he’d almost forgotten the last time he’d felt anything, let alone this much of a will to live.

Because every time his hips snapped against the inside of your thighs and your silky, pulsing walls clenched around his cock, or he pulled another one of those sweet little sounds from you, whenever your lips met his or his lips nipped at your neck, the strangest thought occurred to him.

Maybe I don’t want to die.

He wouldn’t trust that statement in the long run but for now, even if just one very strange, very ominous night, he’d allow himself to believe it.

And as the two of you curled up under the covers, soaking in each other’s body heat, Tomura’s long, thin arms wrapped around you like you were the only thing he’d ever had worth holding onto, he thought to himself…

Maybe with someone like her, life is worth living.

***

“Why do you want to die so bad?” you’d asked Tomura after you’d both woken up that morning, both your hair tousled with sex and sleep.

The two of you stayed in bed until nearly noon, the summer sunlight that poured in through the spotted windows giving you both a warm glow, sun dust visibly floating through the beams.

“I don’t know,” Tomura had answered, though that time he hadn’t just used the excuse as a filler for a question he didn’t feel like explaining. “I just… It’s been like that for a long time.”

You’d kissed him— a tender, soft kiss that made Tomura feel loved for the first time in, well, in forever— and he’d tried to kiss you back in the same way, hoping that you could understand through the gesture that you’d saved him— were still saving him— from the black abyss of his death wish one touch at a time.

“I was like you once,” you admitted then, wearing a sadness that Tomura was used to seeing in his own reflection, one that lived deep in someone’s eyes. And then it was his turn to ask you why. “Because,” you gave a short shrug. “I’m never getting out of here— out of this…” You then looked around your apartment as if that summed up the entire history of your life’s problems. You didn’t necessarily believe in heaven, though, if there really was an afterlife of some sort, you just hoped it really was a better place like people always said. Even if it were merely a plane of existence where you wouldn’t have to feel any more pain.

Tomura wanted to tell you that you were wrong, that someone as beautiful and kind and caring as you deserved so much more than this, deserved to live more than most people. Definitely more than someone like him and definitely more than someone like that guy who’d driven you both around so recklessly last night.

“I’m sorry,” was all Tomura could think to say as he held you closer to him, afraid to let you go, like if he did you’d turn to sun dust and disappear on the breeze that was seeping through the cracked window overhead.

“Don’t be,” you replied evenly, sounding tired. “Besides, I’m still alive.” You looked up at him, admiring the way the light hit his scarlet gaze. “That’s gotta count for something, right?”

Before either of you could say anything else, your phone began to buzz from the nightstand. You wriggled from Tomura’s grasp to see who it was, your blood freezing in your veins when you read one of your co-workers name’s pop up on the caller ID.

“What is it?” Tomura asked when he felt you tense.

A million different possibilities rushed through your brain at once.

Did they find the body?

Of course they did.

Do they know I did it?

Are the police already on their way?

No, they would’ve already gotten here.

Shit, where did I leave my shirt? It’s still got blood on it.

“Uh…” Your voice shook and you cleared your throat. “One second.”

You threw your legs over the side of the bed, reached down to pick up the nearest article of clothing, which just so happened to be Tomura’s black crewneck, and slipped it over your head, the oversized garment covering enough of you to feel decent as you picked up the phone and retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind you, as if the walls were thick enough to keep even your low muttering from being overheard.

Just play dumb, you reminded yourself before accepting the call. You went home last, but not too late. Only a little bit after the hairdresser who finished up before you. You didn’t see your boss. Just went home.

“H-hello—?”

“Oh my god!” your co-worker boomed from the other side of the call, making you wince and pull the phone back from your ear for a moment. “Are you ok?! Did you hear?! I can’t believe this—!”

Yep. They’d definitely found the body. But, luckily for you, it didn’t sound like you were a suspect yet.

You tried to swallow down any evidence of your so-called “crime”, attempting to sound surprised and confused, but not so much so as to expose that it was all an act.

“Someone stabbed him and left him in the alley behind the shop!” your co-worked continued in disbelief after you asked what happened. “Thank god you got home before running into whoever it was. I can’t imagine!”

There would be a more thorough investigation soon enough, you knew. The police would search the shop and find traces of his blood and probably the straight razor with your fingerprints on it. You could just argue that you’d had a customer earlier that day who’d booked a shave, or better yet, someone else at the salon would use it and mark it with their touch too.

But you would become a suspect. It wasn’t a matter of if, only of when.

“Are you on the schedule for today?” she then asked, and you could hear the flipping of pages in the background, your co-worker already working on answering her own question.

You knew you were, but there was no way in hell you were planning on going in. Cops were probably crawling all over the alley. If they stopped you for questioning, you weren’t sure how well you could hide the dread that was sure to show on your face and shake in your voice.

“I’m not feeling well today,” you lied. “Can you do me a huge favor? Take me off the schedule, cancel my appointments. I didn’t have many…”

Your co-worker said she would. She was a good friend, if you’d considered her as such before. She was always willing to check in on you, help you out when you needed it, but you knew she definitely wouldn’t be willing to sink with you on the whole killing your horrible, misogynistic, rapist of a boss situation, even if she hated him too.

“I wonder if this means our next paychecks will be late…” she sighed after agreeing to help you, wishing for you to feel better.

You both told each other to stay safe, keep in touch, and as soon as you hung up you let out a quivering exhale, a weight of getting through that conversation free of suspicion lifting from your shoulders momentarily.

You’d almost forgotten about Tomura until you exited the bathroom and saw him sitting on the edge of your bed, half dressed— aside from his shirt that you were wearing, of course— and beginning to lace up one of his beat up red converse.

“Hey…” You blinked at him as you stopped in the doorway of the tiny bathroom. “Feel like breakfast?”

***

“That’s why I was covered in blood last night…” You recounted drearily as you picked at a stack of pancakes, twirling your fork and watching the spongy food tear apart easily. Then one of your thoughts from the previous night returned to you.

Like a hot knife through butter.

You were losing your appetite.

“Well, sounds like the fucker deserved it,” Tomura commented with a lazy shrug, taking a bite of his own stack of pancakes, his loaded with blueberries and chocolate chips. For a guy who’d tried to kill himself so often, he sure seemed to enjoy the simple things in life.

You glared down at your plate, silverware clenched in your fists. “Yeah, well, it won’t matter what he deserved once the cops find out…”

“Hey…” Tomura’s hand cautiously found yours, fingertips barely brushing against you and causing your gaze to snap back to him. “They won’t find out.” But you assured him that they would, sooner or later, if you stayed here. “Then let’s leave. Run away from here.”

Let’s leave?

Run away?

As in together?

You didn’t think strangers who were this easily willing to skip town with someone they’d just met existed outside of fables and fairy tales. And you were still working on figuring out if last night was fact or fiction.

“I don’t know…” You sighed. “I just—” But as you looked back to the front windows of the diner, you caught a face you recognized slinking by, the tall, lanky, tattooed figure pulling the door open and entering the establishment.

Dabi stopped as he looked up and saw you and Tomura sitting in the furthest corner, huddled close together in the otherwise empty restaurant.

He pulled the hood of the sweatshirt he wore under his black denim jacket down to expose his spiky black hair. “No shit,” he scoffed, heading straight towards you then, sitting in one of the empty chairs and laying both elbows on the table comfortably like he’d been invited and was simply running late.

“What are you two doing here?” he questioned in a bored drone, then glanced at your torn up, soggy pancakes with that cerulean half-lidded stare and asked, “You gonna eat that?” You slid your plate towards him without a word and he began to dig in, ravenous, silverware trembling slightly in his hands.

Neither you nor Tomura really knew what to say. After everything that had happened last night between the three of you, what more was there to say?

“Why the fuck did you put so much syrup on this?” Dabi complained through his next bite, though he didn’t seem to mind too much with the rate he was shoveling the food into his mouth. His bright, azure gaze hopped back and forth between you and Tomura, waiting for one of you to answer his first question.

“What?” Dabi then snapped, a scowl forming on his brow.

“Nothing,” Tomura answered then, trying to act natural as he took another bite of his own breakfast.

“What are you doing here?” you inquired next, a bad mood beginning to creep over you.

“Uh-uh,” Dabi shook his head as he pointed his fork— your fork— towards you accusingly. “I asked you first. And what are you still doing with him?” He shot a quick glare at Tomura, seeming to harbor some ill will towards the man who’d thrown himself in front of a speeding car.

Or perhaps it was more the jealousy that the scrawny, silver-haired, scarlet-eyed stranger had gotten to go home with you and, even more, that he’d made a good enough impression to be invited out for breakfast the next morning.

“Well we were having breakfast before you showed up,” you replied with disdain, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair.

“Oh, were you now?” Dabi said with another sarcastic chuckle and a roll of his eyes. “Tell me, do you always prefer to dissect your food into a million pieces before you consume it, or is that just for special occasions?”

“What’s your problem, man?” Tomura then jumped in with a sneer, causing both you and Dabi to look at him with varying degrees of surprise. Dabi almost looked intrigued, like there was a challenge he knew he could win somewhere in Tomura’s question. And you, well…

You just weren’t used to people sticking up for you.

“Was I talking to you?” Dabi shot back through a low growl, his hand tightening into a white knuckled fist around the fork to try and hide his growing withdrawal symptoms, feeling his body temperature rise even higher, and not just from rage.

“Stop it!” you scolded, not wanting a scene to unfold. Now it was your turn to be on the receiving end of Dabi’s glare. “Just stop. What do you want anyway? If I’m remembering correctly, you told us to get out and then sped off. If you want money I’m not giving it to you.”

“Cute,” Dabi flashed his teeth at you in a mocking smile, shoving the plate, now nearly devoid of all its previous contents, into the center of the table. “But I don’t want your money.” He pushed his chair back and stood aggressively, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. “But it’s your loss,” he baited with calculated indifference. “I was actually about to invite you both to make some with me.”

Dabi began to stalk off then, but just before he could exit the diner, he spotted some faces that he recognized through the building’s front windows.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit…” he swore under his breath, whipping back around and pulling his hood up, returning to his seat at your table hastily, back facing the window. You and Tomura both just continued to watch him with an uncomfortable perplexity. “Tell me when they’re gone,” Dabi ordered in a hushed voice, but neither you nor Tomura knew what he was talking about.

That was, until two cops entered the diner, eyes scanning the empty room, sticking on the trio of you three for a moment and causing a dagger of panic to spike in your chest, before they moved on to take a seat at the main counter, calling to the waitress who was just coming out from the back and ordering two coffees.

“Of fucking course…” Dabi sighed, raising his eyebrows in lazy defeat as if to say, “this might as well happen to me today.”

“What did you do now?” you accused with a scowl, eyes darting from the cops back to the tattooed stranger. Though, again, after last night, it was sort of odd to think of him in those terms.

“Shut up!” Dabi ordered with a hiss, lowering his head a little more and trying to angle his face away from the cops. “Just shut up.”

“Whatever,” you murmured with irritation, now taking your fork back up and going to pick at what little remained of Tomura’s pancakes, your annoyance making some of your appetite return to you.

But the cops didn’t stay long. Just ordered their coffees, drank them while talking about bullshit, paid, and left. You and Dabi both let out a breath of relief once you found yourself alone in the diner again. Tomura had just watched the whole thing unfold with wide eyes and wavering interest.

“What did you do?” you pressed harder once it was just the three of again.

“Look, I’m in some trouble with the cops and some of the local gangs, alright!” Dabi shot back with simmering fury, though still kept his voice hushed to a hissed whisper. “And I need money fast or else, the next time they see me, I’m dead!”

“The next time who sees you?” Tomura asked, not sounding the least bit worried as he sipped at the orange juice you’d ordered and barely touched.

“Either of ‘em, dumbass,” Dabi retorted with a roll of his eyes, causing you to kick him in the shin from under the table which earned you the most feral look he’d flashed either of you yet. His hand was curling into a fist again and, for a moment, you really thought he was going to swing at you, but he just heaved out another exasperated sigh and said, “Y’know what, forget it,” before standing from the table, the metal legs of the chair scraping harshly against the splotchy floors. He grumbled to himself as he shoved his hands back in his pockets and prepared to turn and leave, “Should’a never stopped for you anyway…”

“Why don’t you just sell that stupid car?” you called to him when he was halfway to the door. He stopped and glanced at you over his shoulder, staring at you as if he was giving you a chance to continue. “If you need money that bad,” you clarified, nervously taking Tomura’s hand under the table. “Just sell your car.”

Dabi marched right back up to you, perching himself to lean forward with both hands lying flat on the tabletop. “You think I haven’t thought of that already?”

“Well?” you raised, squeezing Tomura’s hand a little harder and making him give you a slightly anxious side glance. “Why don’t you then?”

You and Dabi just stared at each other, searching each other’s eyes with matching scowls as if hoping to fish out some kind of weakness, see who would break first.

Finally, Dabi slumped back down in his seat again and sighed, tapping his foot relentlessly on the floor. “Because…” he admitted, partially with defeat. “I stole it. And my normal guy skipped town so now I’m shit outta luck with finding someone I can sell it to without alerting the cops.”

You were just about to say something like, “Well that sounds like a you problem then,” when all of a sudden Tomura cut in with, “I know someone who will buy it.”

Both you and Dabi gave him incredulous looks.

“It’s kinda far away…” he elaborated, leaning in a little closer to the huddle, “But I’ve done deals with the guy before and…” his words drifted off as if he was forgetting his sentence at the same time he was speaking it.

“And?” Dabi snapped.

“And he’s good with that kind of stuff,” Tomura continued. “Like, buying and selling illegal shit.”

You blinked twice, your hand still clutched in Tomura’s, who was holding onto you now more than you were to him.

Just who was this guy?

“If you’re bullshitting me,” Dabi warned, pointing a long, bony finger at Tomura, who’s crimson gaze widened even more, “then you’re gonna be the one who’s dead at the end of all this? Got it?”

Dabi should’ve known better. Should’ve known that, at least before coming home with you last night, Tomura would’ve wanted nothing more than for the tattooed criminal to follow through with that threat.

But Tomura was telling the truth.

Sure, he’d never bought or sold a stolen car to his contact, but he had obtained all kinds of drugs in the past, experimenting with what would bring him the closest to death without actually killing him before he’d made his mind up about actually wanting to die.

So Dabi agreed, all three of you leaving the diner— without paying, mind you— and piling back into the white and silver Mercedes-Maybach S Class, Dabi speeding outside of town towards the direction Tomura pointed him in, windows rolled down and music blasting all the way on account of him not wanting to have to hear either of you talk.

***

“Over there,” Tomura pointed out once a graffitied billboard of a crying woman warning against the dangers of drug addiction came into view. “Turn left at the next intersection.”

Dabi grumbled something under his breath before veering left and causing both you and Tomura to lean in the same direction with the sudden force. He then drove down a long, abandoned stretch of empty road for what felt like a long time. His agitation was growing, fingers tapping relentlessly on the wheel until finally he demanded, “Where the hell is this place?”

“Right up ahead,” Tomura kept promising. Your hand had inched closer to his in the backseat every time Dabi voiced one of his annoyances, feeling safer than before when you’d been in the passenger seat beside Dabi but still nervous since you were never sure what was gonna set the guy off. Finally, your hand found Tomura’s, his fingers intertwining with yours as he came to seek safety in your touch just the same. You gave his hand a little squeeze, the gesture becoming your unspoken sign for rising anxiety. To try and ease the tension that was building in the car, as he lightly stroked his thumb over the top of your hand, Tomura added, “Next turn that comes up. You can’t miss it.”

The next turn wasn’t for twenty more minutes, so you rested your head against Tomura’s shoulder in the meantime, his rigidness melting away after a little while, even allowing himself to rest his head against yours, his fluffy silvery hair tickling your cheek.

But finally, once the turn came up, you were able to calm down a little bit. Mostly because Dabi started to calm down a little bit. Though, as he pulled up to the place, it looked more like an old gas station than a place where someone would trade a stolen car.

“This really the place?” Dabi asked, glancing at you nuzzling up to Tomura in the backseat with…

What?

Jealousy?

He forced himself to glare back out the windshield as his grip on the wheel tightened.

“Yeah, pull in here. There’s a warehouse in the back,” Tomura instructed, lifting his head from yours and becoming more alert. “I’ll go and see if he’s here.”

“Right… you’ll see if he’s here…” Dabi rolled his eyes, veering off to the side and putting the car in park. “For how far we just fuckin’ drove, he better be here.”

“I’m coming with you,” you announced as you exited the car after Tomura, not wanting to be left alone with Dabi any longer than you had to. Tomura tried to tell you that it would be better if he went alone, that his contact could be a little skittish when it came to meeting unfamiliar faces, but you promised you’d be good. That you’d stay quiet and close to his side. You took his hand in yours again and then he agreed, informing you that it would be best if you didn’t touch anything, no matter how tempting.

“I mean, what does this guy deal?” you asked with a playful raise of your eyebrows and lilt in your tone. “Like, rare gems or something?”

Tomura hesitated, his eyes widening a fraction as he stared down at you. Then he looked away, giving a lazy half shrug and lightly scratching at his neck as he replied, “Sometimes. Depends…”

Before you could even think of a response, you were being pulled along by Tomura, who stepped up to the entrance of the warehouse and knocked on the metal door. “Hey! It’s me!” he called, waiting a moment before going to knock again, shouting louder that time, “Spinner! It’s Tomura! Got somethin’ for ya! Open up!”

Seconds later, a shady looking man answered the door with a disgruntled, “Jesus, Shigaraki, keep it down! You’ll upset the new arrivals… Already bad enough that all the semi-trucks come down these roads all the time.” The man, who you assumed was Spinner, looked you up and down and then back to Tomura with a slightly skeptical, “Uh… This isn’t what you brought me… is it?”

Tomura pulled you closer to him protectively before replying, “The car,” pointing a thumb behind him at where Dabi still sat behind the wheel.

Spinner glanced at you— well, the two of you, really— a little surprised to see Tomura so protective over anything, let alone a person, and one that he was touching so easily at that. Then he stared out at the Mercedes and nodded once, saying, “Tell ‘im to drive it ‘round back. I’ll open the garage and he can park it there. In the meantime…” He hesitated, then sighed to himself, the faintest smile detectable as he told his old friend, “I guess you guys can come in.”

“Thanks…” Tomura nodded, guiding you further into the warehouse which was…

Well…

The place was like a rat maze, each turn beholding another narrow hallway with an exhibit of luxury furs or designer handbags or power tools, all kinds of multi-colored pills stored in old gumball machines or clear plastic storage containers. There was one wall covered in vintage gameboys, playstations, old arcade units, some electronics that you couldn’t even place. But the part of the warehouse that you found the most strange yet intriguing was the room that Spinner led you to.

It was lit mostly in red on account of the many heat lamps placed in each of the several glass tanks which contained different exotic reptiles— snakes and geckos, poisonous frogs and iguanas. You were even pretty sure one of the animals was a baby crocodile.

“Still selling exotic animals, huh?” Tomura teased with an odd kind of fondness as he scanned the room, noting to himself the newest additions to Spinner’s collection from the last time he’d paid him a visit. “What? Tigers and Lions take up too much space?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Spinner shot back, as if offended. “I wouldn’t trade these no matter what the price. They were all lab animals. Test subjects for this and that. But recently another friend of mine caught wind that they were gonna be confiscated by some kind of animal control, so I took ‘em instead.” Spinner reached in and grabbed up one of the lizards, which rested calmly along his wrist as he gently stroked the top of its head. “Poor little guys have been through a lot…”

“Right, so, the car?” Tomura redirected. “Will you buy it?”

The dealer’s affection for his reptiles faded back into an attitude of business as he placed his hand back into the tank, allowing the lizard to crawl down and scurry back into its little cave as he said, “Gotta check a few things and then I’ll let you know. Your friend should be around back by now. Guess I should go meet ‘im.”

“He’s not my friend,” Tomura finally admitted, pulling you a little closer to his side as you continued to gaze around the reptile room in awe.

“Who is ‘e then? Someone we can trust at least, right?”

Tomura bit his tongue to try and suppress a nervous smirk, one of his hands clenching into a fist as it threatened to dig into his skin as he lied, “Somethin’ like that…”

“It’s complicated,” you chimed in, both Tomura and Spinner’s gazes snapping towards you. Neither of them said anything so you went on a little more nervously with, “W-well… The three of us sort of just… ran into each other the other night and—”

“Ah, c’mon, Shigaraki…” Spinner sighed with irritation. “How many times have I told you to only bring people you know here. Need I remind you what happened that one time with that guy who ended up being an undercover cop?”

“Trust me, this guy’s definitely not a cop,” Tomura assured his friend, removing his touch from you and migrating closer to Spinner, pleading his case. “If anything, he’s a first rate asshole, but other than that…” Tomura shrugged. “Guy has his own reasons for needing the cash.”

“So you’re splitting it?” Spinner asked, seeming to warn Tomura with the raise of his eyebrows that that was a bad idea. Tomura gave a hand gesture that said something along the lines of sort of, not really, who knows and a wincing expression. “Does he know that?”

The two of them began to leave the room, and you were staring at Tomura as if he’d look back and tell you to sit tight until he returned, that everything was ok, but he just kept on walking, chatting away with his friend while you sought refuge on the tiny sofa in the center of the room and basked in the red glow and many slithering silhouettes of the snakes in the tanks.

It felt like a long time until you finally heard footsteps approaching down the way that Tomura and Spinner had gone off in. Though, instead of silvery tufts and crimson eyes rounding the corner, you were met with inky black and smoldering sapphire.

Dabi was smoking a cigarette. Must’ve just lit it with how he was fidgeting with the silver lighter, a soft metallic clang tapping out irregularly. “Well, it’s just one fuckin’ surprise after another in this place, ain’t it?” he remarked with a sarcastic scoff, plopping down on the couch next to you, stretching his arms out over the back and looking around at all the scaled creatures with carefully concealed awe. He blew out a cloud of thick smoke, the smell making your nose wrinkle as you scooted away a few inches. You wanted to tell him he probably shouldn’t smoke in here on account of all the animals but, who were you kidding, it’s not like he would’ve cared.

“Where’s Tomura?” you asked, a slight twinge of worry laced into your voice.

“Your Romeo’s out with that other guy inspecting the car,” he replied dismissively through a yawn. “They better hurry it up. I want my money…”

“I think you mean our money.” You’d meant it to come out sounding much stronger than it really had— more of a declaration than a timid reminder— and your confidence dwindled even more when Dabi shot you a narrowing glare.

“What are you talking about? I’m the one who stole it. Hell, I drove you two around in it all night. You guys owe me.” He scoffed to himself again, wearing a cold smirk and slightly adjusting his position on the couch. Under his breath he muttered, “Our money… Please.”

Perhaps it was the fact that you’d killed someone or just that you were getting really fed up with this guy, but something had suddenly possessed you to argue back, “Yeah, and without Tomura you never would’ve had somewhere to sell the car. Remember that?”

Dabi shifted his position to face you better now, rage lighting up being his eyes while his tone remained low and even, a volcano always on the verge of erupting. “And tell me, how do you come into all this? ‘Cause as far as I’m concerned, you’re just some bitch I found covered in blood wandering the streets in the middle of the night. What’d you do? Slash some guy who got a little too rough with you? Or, wait, maybe your story is that he tried to attack you first and somehow you got the upper hand.”

You felt an unpleasant burning in the back of your nose. The tightening of your throat. Tears prickling at the edges of your vision. But you weren’t about to cry because you were offended. You were about to cry because you were furious.

Because this guy didn’t know a goddamn thing.

And, even if he did— even if you told him the truth— he still wouldn’t care.

As long as he got his drugs at the end of all of this, why should he?

“You don’t know anything,” you growled, rage cutting through your trembling fear that yes, you were a indeed a murderer. And one soon to be at large once the cops did a little more investigating.

Dabi leaned in, pupils mere pinpricks as all that bright cerulean threatened to swallow you whole. “Then just fuckin’ tell me already.”

But you were leaning in too, you now realized, your shared trait of living hard, unfortunate lives pulling you together like two mistreated magnets, however resistant you tried to be.

And as Dabi stared you down that time, you realized that something had changed— or rather, was changing— behind that piercing cobalt stare of his. It made you reconsider that maybe, if you just filled in the gaps, he would understand. He would care.

Or maybe he’d just turn you over to the authorities for ransom and call it a day.

“My boss…” you swallowed, mouth coated in thick, sticky spit. “He tried to— He almost…” You let out a frustrated sigh, a shiver skittering through your bones as you replayed the events of less than twenty-four hours ago in your head. If you focused hard enough, you could still smell that pungent metallic tang of all the blood, feel his thick fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs. “I didn’t have a choice. If I didn’t kill him, he would’ve killed me, sooner or later.”

Dabi was slowly nodding his head. And, for a moment, you thought maybe he did understand. But when he opened his mouth and asked, “So, you are a whore or…?” you rolled your eyes and let out a frustrated groan.

“I’m a hairdresser!” You snapped, wiping more tears away as you sniffled, scowl deepening. “Or at least…” your gaze became far off, staring into the tank of a komodo dragon in a daze as you concluded, “I used to be.”

And then Dabi actually laughed.

He was trying to stifle a series of cruel, amused chuckles as you shot him a look of fiery resentment, about to say something horrible to him before he piped up with a teasing, “And to think, you had the worst crime out of all of us the entire time!”

“It’s not funny!” you scolded, both your raised voice and Dabi’s incessant cackling stirring the reptiles. “I was just defending myself! But now I’m probably going to jail! How do you think that feels, huh? How do you think it feels to not have anywhere to go or anyone to rely on right now?”

Dabi’s laughter suddenly ceased, as fast as a flame blown out by a quick, strong breath. His face became blanker than you’d ever seen it, completely serious as he replied, “Probably pretty fuckin’ shitty. But y’know what. That’s life, ain’t it? No one’s ever really there to save you.” He leaned in closer, looming over you, his shadow casting across your form and making you disappear into the darkness that filled the red room. “All you ever really have is yourself,” he went on, his simmering anger boiling hotter and hotter with each new sentence. “And that’s what happens to the weak ones. They can’t protect themselves when worse comes to worst. Because there’s never gonna be any grand hero to swoop in to your rescue. And the sooner we all realize that, the better. So quit your fuckin’ crying—” He was pointing a finger at you now, tears having started streaming down your face again without you even realizing it. “Grow the fuck up, and figure out what you’re gonna do about it. ‘Cause you’re all you got. Understand?”

Your entire body was shaking and, staring up at him in the eerie red light, a dangerous glint shining in his eyes, Dabi really looked like a monster. But you’d slayed one of those before. If you had a straight razor, you could do it again. Though, you didn’t really want to be a killer. Or rather, you didn’t want to get used to killing. Because you still believed that you were a good person, that you maybe even deserved good things.

You’d crossed a line, sure. One that, in the eyes of society, would spell irreversible damage.

But wasn’t that always the way these kinds of things played out? By showing you one atrocity only to prepare you for another, much more traumatizing one? Constantly reminding you, it could all be much worse?

“But don’t worry…” Dabi side eyed you as he said, “I won’t rat you out. People like you and me, we gotta do what we need to in order to survive.” He leaned forward to place his silver lighter on the coffee table, taking another long drag to calm his nerves.

“Thanks…” but there is no you and me, you wanted to say. Instead, you just scooted a few inches away from him, hoping Tomura would come back soon.

Until he and Spinner returned, however, you and Dabi opted for awkward silence. You were just trying not to think about the blood on your hands, even if the bastard had deserved it. Dabi though…

Dabi’s mind was in a much different place.

Because as he’d peered down at you in the redlight, the dim patch of fluorescent illumination directly above the couch that the room allowed shimmering in your big, terrified eyes…

He’d realized that what he’d felt spike in his chest when he’d glanced at you and Tomura cuddling in the backseat was indeed jealousy, the emotion slowly seething into his skin only to inevitably radiate from him if he didn’t find a way to cure it soon.

And the other night when he’d kicked you and Tomura out of the car and sped off. That had been a mistake, hadn’t it? What he should’ve done was dumped that silver-haired suicidal off on the curb and insisted on driving you home. Maybe then it could’ve been him sharing pancakes with you at the diner instead. Maybe then it would’ve just been the two of you splitting the money and not this useless third party who was going to spend it on who knows what useless shit.

Dabi clenched his jaw, trying to keep himself from sneaking another glance at you but, just like when it came to his addiction, he didn’t have much self control.

Whatever, he tried to convince himself. Once this deal is done, we’ll all go our separate ways and never have to see each other again.

Only, what if that wasn’t true. What if that was only true for him, and you and Tomura went back to your apartment or some motel or, fuck it, you’d have money, you could get a room somewhere nice, and fucked again.

Just the thought of that grungy loser’s hands all over you was making Dabi start to lose his cool. And you’d let Tomura kiss you too? Let him run his tongue all over the inside of your mouth and down your neck and inside your tight little pussy? Disgusting.

Bet I could make you feel better than he did, Dabi thought to himself as his leg began to bounce anxiously. Bet I could fuck you so good you’d forget you’d ever met him.

But then, before Dabi could start to really spin out of control from the jealousy and withdrawal, Spinner and Tomura reenerted the reptile room, both you and Dabi looking over and awaiting that fateful number.

“So, I took a look and…” Spinner began, pretending to hold you and Dabi in suspense while the smirk on Tomura’s face said he already knew the price you’d be splitting three ways. “It’s in pretty good condition. Whoever you stole it from must’ve just bought it and, based on the paper plates, it had to have been within the last thirty days. I’ll give you twenty thousand. Three ways that’s—”

“Over six thousand each…” you breathed out in sheer disbelief. That was more cash than you’d ever had in your bank account, let alone all at once.

You couldn’t fathom it. The thought of what you could do with that much money. The thought of getting out of that shitty apartment and moving to a better part of the city, one where you could get hired at a salon that was much more high end than the back alley one you’d been previously employed at…

If you hadn’t killed someone, that is.

If you weren’t soon to be a wanted criminal.

“That’s right,” Spinner confirmed, taking out a thick envelope and handing it off to Tomura who looked pretty proud of himself.

Dabi, however, was not as pleased…

“Twenty thousand?” he asked, standing and tossing his half finished cigarette down onto the concrete floor of the warehouse, stomping it out with his first stride towards the dealer. “Nah. No way. Things worth at least one hundred thousand new. Maybe even more than that.”

“Sorry,” Spinner shrugged. “That’s as high as I can go.”

Dabi’s hands clenched into fists by his sides and you were sure he was finally going to throw that punch he’d been holding back all this time. So you intervened again, saying, “That’s more than enough to get your drugs.” Dabi looked over his shoulder lightning fast, that vengeful and violent shine back in his eyes and honed in right on you. Meanwhile, Tomura was ready to jump between you two if Dabi really did lose his temper.

“Cute,” Dabi spit, whirling back towards Tomura and his friend before eying the envelope containing the cash. He could just steal it. Yeah. Once the three of you were out of here, Dabi could take it and run. “And you,” he nodded aggressively at Tomura. “What the hell do you need it for, huh?”

Tomura’s eyes widened a bit, his jaw clenched as he gripped the envelope tighter, Dabi taking a step towards him. He then opened his mouth to throw a hostile reply right back, but no words came.

In truth, he didn’t know.

Before meeting you, Tomura probably would’ve blown it all on one hell of a self-destructive night before finally pulling the trigger and ending it all. But now…

Well, he’d have to figure that out once he discovered what you were planning to do.

“What?” Dabi smirked, cruelty seeping back into his voice. “You gonna pay someone off to perform a hit on you or somethin’?”

Tomura warned with a growl, “Don’t test me…” his eyes going wide, though this time in a much more feral, dangerous way than before. Then, ever so slowly, he placed the cash in his back pocket. He could take it and run too, if he wanted. He just had to get past Dabi to grab you first.

“Guys…?” you spoke, sensing the growing tension and hoping to calm things before they really spiraled out of control. “C’mon. We got the money. Now let’s just go…”

Dabi ignored you, clearly occupied on setting Tomura off before calling it quits with the little ragtag trio the team of you had formed. And part of him, whether he realized it or not, wanted you to see that, just because Tomura had remained relatively calm during all the recent chaos, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t capable of flying off the hinges too.

Because what was that saying again?

Always watch out for the quiet ones?

“Y’know, I’m not really convinced that someone like you even deserves that kind of money,” Dabi went on. Spinner was getting fed up with this quarrel too, though his concern was more for the fact that all this bad energy swirling in the room was bound to upset his replies than if one of the boys left here with a black eye. “So why don’t you just do the right thing and give it to me and the girl so we can get on with our lives while you keep trying to end yours.”

“Just stop it!” you’d tried to shout out, but it was too late.

Tomura moved fast.

Too fast.

Just a blur of black and silver and crimson, a snarl echoing off the concrete and eyes flashing with ill intent as he lunged at Dabi, the force sending both of them falling to the ground.

It was clear to everyone in the room that Tomura had never been in a real fight before, the way he wildly and clumsily threw punches that Dabi blocked with mocking ease. It wasn’t long until Dabi gained the upper hand and flipped the scrawny, scraggly boy on his back, jumping on top of him and showing him what a real punch looked and felt like.

Spinner was shouting. You were crying, screaming at the two of them to “Please stop! Knock it off already!” and Tomura and Dabi were rolling and clawing and cursing at each other while fighting for possession of that damn envelope.

The three of you were once again plunged into connected chaos, though this time none of you seemed to know how to rescue each other.

Eventually, the envelope slid from both their gasps and landed right in front of you. In a moment of panic and impulse, you grabbed it up and then snatched the lighter Dabi had left on the coffee table, flicking it open and producing a flame, holding it dangerously close to the cash and bellowing out, “BOTH OF YOU STOP OR I— I’M BURNING IT!”

All of the oxygen in the room felt like it had been sucked out at once.

Even Spinner was holding his breath, as if he had something to lose.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Dabi shouted, voice cracking with a shriek upturning at the end.

“Get off him or I swear I’ll do it!” And you weren’t bluffing, the flame kissing the edge of the envelope and beginning to toast the crinkled paper, causing Dabi to obey instantly, holding his hands up in surrender and stepping off Tomura, who was coughing from when Dabi had closed his hands around his throat.

And Dabi only hated Tomura more now.

He’d hated him from the very first moment his stolen car had nearly run the suicidal maniac over in the street. He’d hated him when he’d dropped you two off near your apartment and sped off with the music blaring, just knowing that the two of you were going to fuck. He’d hated him when he’d seen you sharing pancakes at the diner just earlier that morning. And he’d hated him when he’d seen him rest his head on top of yours in the rear view mirror like two lovesick puppies leeching warmth off each other.

He hated that you were willing to throw away life changing amounts of cash just to save Tomura from a black eye and some broken ribs. Hated that you cared more about the silver-haired freak than the bigger picture here— the picture that he was soon to be painted out of.

Because time after time, Dabi had lost in life. He’d lost, most times, because he fell in with bad company or couldn’t run fast enough when a job went south. He’d lost because he’d become a slave to his addiction and couldn’t give two shits about correcting it. And he’d had the perfect opportunity to be the one you’d invited back to your apartment, the one you’d shared shitty diner food with, and the one you’d curl up in the car with, but he’d blown it because he just couldn’t let himself have anything good without thinking there was going to be a catch.

“Just give me the lighter…” Dabi spoke softly to you now, as if talking you off a ledge, one hand extending for you to toss the zippo into, or, in another world, take hold of.

You hesitated, slowly but surely lowering the flame, dropping the lighter to the floor as you drew in frantic, uneven breaths. With one hand clutching his ribs, which were likely bruised after that altercation, Tomura pushed himself to his feet and came over to stand before you, saying something to you quiet enough that Dabi couldn’t hear. But you handed Tomura back the envelope and that’s all that really mattered in the end, right?

“Let’s just get out of here,” Tomura spoke louder now, turning to address Dabi as well. “It’s a long walk back into the city.”

And with that, the three of you left the odd maze of Spinner’s contraband castle and headed back down the long stretch of abandoned highway that you’d come, the sun already beginning to sink towards the horizon before you were halfway home.

***

All three of you were exhausted, mentally and physically, and exchanged minimal conversation throughout your trek back towards civilization before Dabi just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Does he know?” he asked, nodding his head from you to Tomura.

“Know what?” you asked, though you already had a pretty good idea about what he was alluding to.

“Oh, so he doesn’t know…”

“He does know,” you sighed, exasperated. Meanwhile, Tomura just made sure the envelope of cash was kept out of Dabi’s reach.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Dabi then asked Tomura directly, nudging him a little and causing him to flinch away. 

“Cut it out, man,” Tomura rasped, a slight grimace flashing across his features before fatigue reclaimed them.

“Whatever…” Dabi rolled his eyes, a certain mischievous lilt to his tone, edging Tomura on and grasping at straws to find any reason to cause a rift between you two. “I just know that if I was gonna fuck some random girl, I’d wanna know whether I was stickin’ my dick in a murderer or n—”

Again, Tomura moved unexpectedly fast, a cloud of dust kicked up from under his beat up red converse as he whirled on Dabi, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, spit flecked through gritted teeth as he puffed out a vicious breath.

Dabi raised his hands as if surrendering, yet still had the gall to say, “Hey, I’m just lookin’ out for ya. Your funeral, buddy. Though, maybe you’d like that.”

“Tomura, he’s not worth it…” you nearly whispered, too tired to burst out in fury like you had before. You placed a hand on Tomura’s back and pulled him from his blinding rage, slowly retracting to melt back into your gentle, understanding touch. “Please… Let’s just go home.”

You and Tomura each had an arm wrapped around one other, walking with slightly staggering steps as you guided him away and further down the road. 

“Yeah…” Dabi scoffed to himself, clenching his fists at the sight of you two huddled together again. “Let’s go home.”

***

It took another two hours until the skyline of the city that had damned all three of you came into sight, another sixty painful minutes ticking by before you actually set foot back in the territory. And you should’ve known by now, especially in Dabi’s company, that you were never really home free.

Because the moment you thought you could breathe easy and part ways, enjoy the remainder of the stroll back to your apartment with Tomura to count your cash and make a plan, Dabi ran into an old friend.

Or rather, an old friend ran into Dabi.

“Pretty fuckin’ brave of you to show your face around here again!” a rough voice called from behind, causing all three of you to turn in unison, six eyes gone wide and bearing different breeds of fear.

“Shit,” Dabi hissed under his breath, pushing you two along and tacking on an urgent, “We gotta go. Now.”

“Not so fast, hot shot,” another big, burly, tattoo-covered man chuckled as he stepped out of the nearest alley, blocking your path with a crowbar in hand. “It’s time to pay up, Dabi.”

You and Tomura braced yourselves, scanning the group of men that were circling around you for any gaps big enough to slip through and make an escape. But the pack only tightened, more and more criminals emerging from the shadows armed with flashes of sharp silver or rusted iron.

“Hey, boys…” Dabi replied, trying to hide the quiver in his tone with an uncharacteristically friendly lilt. “Been a while, huh?” He was backing up towards you and Tomura, possibly trying to make a run for it himself, but there was no escape now. Not for any of you. Especially not for you, what with the hungry way the pack of men stared you down, nearly salivating at all their own disgusting thoughts.

“I sure hope you have our money,” the one who was presumably the leader of the gang went on, a smug grin plastered across his scarred face, tapping the weight of the crowbar in his palm with a steady beat. “‘Cause if ya don’t…” He swung the crowbar forward, causing all three of you to jolt as it pointed directly at Dabi. “Well, then we’re gonna have a biiiiiig problem, ain’t we?”

And he knew that Dabi didn’t have the money.

Or, at least, he normally wouldn’t have, if not for the cash he’d collected from selling the stolen car.

But still, even that wasn’t enough to pay off the entire debt and Dabi was too hell bent on securing more of his drugs before he’d even consider handing this man a single dollar.

And you and Tomura, well…

You still needed your cut.

None of you were too keen on going down without some kind of fight.

Not when you’d come this far through hell to finally catch a glimpse of the twisted heaven on the horizon.

“Yeah, well, about that…” Dabi chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head and trying to stay calm. Meanwhile, you and Tomura noticed some of the rough and tumble facade melt away, leaving only a guy who had been way in over his head from the start.

And it happened so fast. The flash of metal. A silver streak appearing and disappearing before anyone could really see what it was. But left in its wake was a slash of red and a guttural howling, the scene growing smaller and smaller behind you until you realized that someone was dragging you along by your wrist, you nearly tripping over your own feet as you glanced over your shoulder with horror, blood turning to ice.

Maybe Dabi had shouted, “Run!”

Maybe he hadn’t.

But now all three of you were high tailing it down a series of narrow alleys, Tomura’s grip on you like a vice, desperate and unrelenting. At some point, you think you were telling him he was hurting you, trying to pull away when you felt the pressure growing over your bones, thorny pangs of pain peppered over your skin. But he didn’t hear you over the surge of adrenaline coursing through his veins. And even if he did, he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to let you go. Not until you were somewhere safe and warm with him and no one else.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Dabi shouted when he rounded the next corner and halted, you and Tomura nearly barreling into him as you skid to a stop and were faced with a dead end. “Uh… New plan!” He backed up, peering down the remaining stretch of straight path and seeing the silhouettes of even more enemies pop up to cage you in, a big dumpster wedged in the middle of the narrow alley slowing them down, but not for long.

Panicked, he started back down the dead end, spotting a fire escape ladder just out of reach, rushing over to jump up to try and grab hold and pull it down, but every attempt was met with no more than his fingers barely brushing against the first bar.

“What are we doing, guys?!” you shouted, your panic catching up with you as you stared down the alley and watched as your pursuers became dangerously closer by the second. Your heart was pounding, pulse beating so fast and hard that it hurt. Though, meanwhile, unbeknownst to you amongst the dread, Tomura had gone over to assist, Dabi lifting him to pull down the ladder.

You froze. Paralyzed with terror as a group of silhouettes were mere yards away. So close you could see the whites of their eyes. You’d meant to yell, to scream, anything to inform the boys that they were coming. But then that rough, scarred hand grabbed yours again and pulled you towards the ladder, practically pushing you up it even as you scrambled as fast as you could to climb.

Dabi was already at the top, extending a hand to you to pull you up to the landing.

And the only reason Tomura dared let go of you was because he thought that Dabi would just pull you up and then keep running on his own. So when the inky haired bastard locked his fist around your wrist and took off with you. Well…

Tomura saw red.

“Wait! Ow— Stop!” You tried to protest, fighting harder against his grip than you had on Tomura’s, digging your heels into the ground only to be yanked forward to nearly stumble over the next flight of stairs. You looked behind you for Tomura, not even having time to make sure he’d made it up the ladder before you’d been taken hostage again. You called his name, hoping— praying— that he’d call back. Let you know he was ok. That he’d made it—

But there was only silence.

“STOP!” you shrieked, reaching forward with your free hand to dig your nails into Dabi’s arm, clawing viciously at his inked skin until he had no choice but to let go, a few thin rivulets of blood welling up from the pale surface.

“Jesus— What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He scolded, sapphire eyes smoldering with white hot fury beneath a deep scowl.

“Tomura—!”

“Who fucking cares?!” Dabi shouted over your cries, which were quickly turning to sobs— fat, glistening tears welling in your eyes and streaking shimmering lines down your cheeks in pairs. Your chest was heaving with shallow breaths, suffocating yourself every time you tried to draw in more air, feeling like you were going to throw up. Like you were going to pass out. Like you were going to die.

“But he—!”

“Better him than us!” Dabi cut in with a snarl, approaching you with fists clenched. You winced when he came close enough that his shadow cast over you, shielding your face with your arms as if you expected a strike. “Now, unless you want those guys to rip you apart, then I suggest you stop your fucking crying and fucking run.”

His voice was icy hot. Searing into your heart like millions of barbed fish hooks, each one connected to a line that pulled in a different direction, intending to unravel you. To massacre you.

You felt your world sway and caught yourself on the railing of the staircase, peering down over the edge at the vast drop below.

And the thought did cross your mind. To jump. To end it all. But then from the landing below came, “Keep going!”

Both you and Dabi looked at each other with varying degrees of relief and confusion before you turned to see Tomura sprinting up the staircase, out of breath but still refusing to slow down. Immediately all your dread was replaced with a vibrant joy, a beaming, yet crooked smile lighting up your face and contrasting eerily with the tears that still spilled from your eyes.

“Tomura! You—”

“The ladder!” He huffed, coming to a stop and nearly doubling over once he joined you and Dabi on the next landing. An awful wheezing sound rattled in his chest with every inhale he took, bracing his hands on his knees for a moment before finding the will to stand and finishing his sentence with, “Tried to pull it up but it got stuck halfway… They’re probably… On their way…”

“Like I said—!” Dabi snapped, getting ready to run again. “We gotta go. Now.”

So the three of you took off— together this time— the top of the building but a landing away now, though you could hear the frantic clattering of heavy footsteps not far below.

“What happens once we get to the roof?” You called to Dabi, who was already on the final ladder.

“Just trust me!” he shouted back, extending a hand once again to pull you up, though you were careful not to hold on too tightly after what had just happened moments ago.

As Tomura climbed the ladder, he muttered to himself, “I don’t like those odds…”

But once you were on the roof, Dabi seemed to know the terrain better than he did on the ground. Because, up here, you could see the entire city laid out before you. All the narrow, intertwining streets appeared like an elaborate maze with the heart of the district shimmering like a mirage in the summer heat far, far in the distance.

“We’ll head towards the shopping district and lose ‘em there,” Dabi explained as you and Tomura followed behind him in a line, treading much more carefully than your surefooted, tattooed friend so as to avoid a deadly fall. “My place isn’t far. We’ll hide out there for a while till we can make sure the streets are clear.”

“Won’t they know where to find you?” you asked, nearly rolling your eyes as such an obvious flaw in his plan. “I mean, you can’t be telling me that these guys don’t know where you live.”

Dabi smirked to himself, eyes trained on where his next step would land upon the roof to avoid any loose shingles as he replied with an overconfident, “Well, that’s just one of the perks of this lifestyle, sweetheart. Anywhere can be your home when you don’t really have one of your own.”

You scoffed at his arrogance, not exactly finding it very funny to be making jokes at a time like this, but ultimately you let it go. It was a bridge you’d cross when you came to it, so long as you could get to the other end of the slanted path you were currently on.

But Dabi wasn’t joking.

He had a place. Several, in fact. A hideout in every corner of the outskirts. And every time one of them was discovered or raided, he’d just count his losses, retrieve what little he could, and forge a new hole to call home until the process inevitably repeated.

It was how he’d survived this long. How he’d evaded his enemies just long enough to extend his deadline or wrack up an even bigger debt.

Lucky for you, though, he was taking you back to his favorite hideout. It could almost pass for an actual place someone might be able to call home. Almost.

“Hey, I think we lost ‘em…” Tomura eventually remarked as you’d changed to your third rooftop, standing still and staring over the scenery behind you. Lo and behold, your pursuers were nowhere to be seen.

Dabi stopped to listen in, the whistling from a strong gust of wind the only sound to be heard up here other than the muffled traffic drifting over from a few streets down. “Yeah…” Dabi muttered, then clearing his throat to speak loud enough for you both to hear, “Yeah, I think we lost ‘em. C’mon. Let’s go.”

A few more unstable rooftops and several flights of rusted fire escape staircases later and the three of you were back on solid ground. And it was sort of strange, unexpectedly, being back among the maze of buildings and alleys after experiencing the view of the city from so high up. You felt so much smaller than you had before, gazing up through the gaps in the architecture at the sliver of sky which had just expanded all around you, painting over the muted greys and browns of your world with a serene shade of blue.

“Hey, c’mon…” Tomura urged quietly, taking your hand in his once more, though much more gently this time, and guiding you to follow after him, careful not to press into the bruises that were already beginning to blossom on your wrist from the abuse between him and Dabi forcing you along. “We gotta go.”

But you just wanted to stay and stare up at the sky, unable to shake the feeling that perhaps that was the first time you’d ever truly seen it— a sprawling revelation expanding around you after you’d just been fearing for your life, the city never that quiet, never that still, the heat of summer not so stifling when there was so much fresh air swirling around you.

But your feet carried you after Tomura, drifting closer to where Dabi was checking to make sure the coast was clear from the opening in the alley that would merge back onto the main streets, waving you two forward in a wordless announcement that it was safe.

“Just a few more blocks,” Dabi sighed, careful cerulean gaze scanning the narrow horizon like prey expecting to find a predator lurking among the telephone poles and parked cars. But then he looked at you, noticed the tranquil daze that had overtaken your features, and asked with a skeptical squint, “You holdin’ up ok?”

It took a second for you to realize he was talking to you, snapping out of your daydream and becoming more alert as you looked up at him and replied with a shaky, “Y-yeah… I’m fine,” as you melted back into Tomura’s side.

And Dabi wished that Tomura wouldn’t have made it past the first ladder. That he’d been caught by those thugs and pulled down, beaten to death and left to suffer on the grimey concrete. Because then maybe he could be the one whose hand you were holding. Whose chest you were starting to lean against. He could take you the rest of the way to his little hole in the wall apartment and get you something to drink, sling an arm around you and pull you close until you stopped trembling and he’d convinced you that no one— not the cops or any backstreet criminals— was going to take you from him.

But the bastard who’d tried to kill himself by stepping in front of the car was the one who currently protected your heart, the one who was allowed to touch you and whisper how it isn’t much further, we’ll be there soon.

Dabi cursed himself for the man he’d been twenty-four hours ago. The man who was so hardened from this life that he’d fallen into that he was no longer able to recognize something that was good before he scorned it, scorched it, ruined it with harsh words and biting remarks.

Deep down, though…

Deep down he stoked the embers of hope in the hearth of his heart. Hope that maybe, if you could just get through this, he could convince you to be his.

“It’s right this way,” Dabi informed the two of you as you rounded the next corner, this street wider than most of the others you’d traveled down yet entirely abandoned. Only some littered newspaper scraps or empty cardboard boxes blown astray from overflowing dumpsters scuttling along the street when a breeze blew by.

“Where even are we?” you asked as you continued to survey the place, surprised not to find even a single parked car, taxi, moped, anything in sight.

“It’s better if you don’t know, actually,” Dabi mumbled, fishing a set of keys out of one of his pockets and flipping through them until he found the correct one. 

It was only then, just as he swung open a heavy metal door and held it as if wanting you to enter first that it occurred to you. Such a chilling, stomach turning realization.

You stopped short halfway through your next step, giving Tomura’s hand a slight squeeze in warning like you had in the car on the way to Spinner’s.

What if this was a trap?

What if Dabi was planning on killing the two of you and claiming your shares of the cash for himself?

It wouldn’t be hard to do. Not once he shut that door behind you— one that might only open one way, for all you knew— and guided you further into an unfamiliar building. He’d been so quick with that switchblade before. Only, this time, instead of slashing an eye it would be you and Tomura’s throats.

“What’s the matter?” Tomura inquired with a concerned mutter, leaning down a little to keep the conversation private.

But then Dabi called over with an impatient, “Hurry it up! Can’t be out in the open for too long!”

You just shook your head, shuffling back a half step while your eyes remained stuck on Dabi holding open the door.

“C’mon, it’s ok. We’re fine now,” Tomura tried to urge you, gently tugging you along until you caved and your feet stumbled forward, heartbeat hammering as you squeezed Tomura’s hand even tighter. He could feel your entire body shaking, but he figured that was more from the trauma of the recent events than the possible fear of being murdered by the third member of your unlikely trio.

Once you were inside, the door shutting behind you with a high pitched creak whining from its rusted hinges, you were engulfed in complete darkness for longer than you were comfortable with, paranoia lacing through your veins with a jittery shiver until Dabi flicked on a light switch and the place was set ablaze with vivid blue— graffied flames painted along the floors and walls that glowed under the blacklight. 

“It’s not much but…” Dabi shrugged. “They won’t find us here.”

And just like that, your mood flipped. You were in awe for the second time that day, unable to believe the sight before you was one that belonged to your usually bleak reality. 

“Did you…” you breathed out with a sigh, a fresh wave of calm overtaking you as you and Tomura followed Dabi down the long hallway. “Did you do all this?”

Dabi hummed out a short chuckle. “Yeah, well, sometimes I find myself having to hide out for a little longer than usual, so…”

Beyond the tunnel of blue flames, behind the only door located in the expansive corridor, was a single floor, several makeshift walls and barriers constructed from cardboard boxes or mismatched, patchwork pieces of plastic creating little rooms among the warehouse-like expanse. The walls of this place were also decorated with the glowing blue flames, the inferno that ignited along the hall growing into a raging wildfire with some red accents for contrast.

Dabi flipped on the main lights and the art disappeared, plain concrete walls swallowing the fiery blaze and bathing the hideout in bright fluorescence, some of the lamps flickering every once in a while to remind you that this place was not a magical fantasyland, but a dilapidated, definitely not up to safety code concrete box that you could very well be calling home for the foreseeable future.

“You can take your shoes off,” Dabi began, already heading towards one of the little sectioned off rooms, “Or don’t. I don’t care. Sit wherever. Whatever.” Then, from the room that was most likely his makeshift kitchen, he called out, “Hey, either of you want a drink?!”

For a moment, you’d forgotten Tomura was even there, his hand locked with yours just feeling like second nature at this point. So when he called back, “Some water might be nice!” you nearly jolted at the sudden voice. He then guided you over to the tiny, scuffed up couch and sat beside you, searching your face— your eyes— for something.

“Hey…” he muttered, brushing some of your disheveled hair away from your sweat streaked face, eyes still a little puffy from crying on the fire escape. “You ok…?”

You started crying again, slowly at first, then sobbing uncontrollably as you buried your face into his shoulder, your wailing muffled by the flimsy fabric of his shirt. He pulled you in closer, protectively, as Dabi re-entered the main area carrying two bottles of water and one can of beer, stride only stuttering a fraction when he witnessed your current state, the way you were clinging to Tomura for dear life again, as if he was the only thing in this world holding you together.

His grip around the beer can tightened, pressing a few small dents into the aluminum. 

“What’s wrong with ‘er now?” he asked, words coated in thick— yet forced— derision, rolling his eyes and tossing Tomura one of the water bottles before jumping over the back of the couch and landing on the thin cushions next to you, keeping a bit of a distance even if that wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to do right now.

Tomura unscrewed the cap of the water bottle, trying to coax you to catch your breath and take a sip as he rubbed a hand up and down your back. But you wouldn’t lift your head from his shoulder, only nuzzling into his body deeper.

Both Tomura and Dabi exchanged unsure glances, neither exactly sure what to do right now, that is, until they heard your sobs turn into laughter— a cold, cruel chuckle that hiccuped in your chest every time a lingering sob pried its way past your lungs.

When you finally pulled your face from its hiding place among Tomura’s person, your head flopped back and you slumped into the couch. You looked sort of terrifying— teeth bared in a too wide smile as your body shook from soundless amusement, tears continuing to stream down your face and collect under your chin before dripping down onto your shirt.

“Bitch is fuckin’ crazy…” Dabi mumbled under his breath as he raised the beer can to his lips, though he jumped when a particularly loud burst of laughter tore through your throat. Then he couldn’t take his eyes off you, usually half-lidded and unbothered stare going wide enough to rival Tomura’s as he sat there frozen and unblinking, beer can still lifted to his lips yet he didn’t dare take a single sip.

And Tomura, well…

Tomura knew the feeling.

“I just can’t believe…” you barely were able to get the words out, battling between the incessant urge to cry and laugh at the same time, chest beginning to burn from the lack of oxygen in your delirious and hysterical state. “I just can’t believe that we’re alive… We’re alive…”

Tomura swallowed hard, gulped down the past few hours and hoped the monster drowned in his stomach acid before it gained enough strength to crawl back up his throat. He uttered your name— a nervous, unsure set of syllables that felt wrong in his mouth, sounded wrong to your ears. But then Dabi started laughing, his sounding low and rough and downright sinful at the realization that, yes, you’d all made it back alive.

And there was still twenty thousand dollars to split between you. Six thousand each.

“Y’know what,” Dabi said, leaning forward and setting his beer down on the busted and scratched coffee table in front of the couch. “I think the three of us make a pretty alright team.” Both you and Tomura’s gazes snapped his way, your laughter slowly fading until even the smile was wiped from your face.

Finally, Tomura said, “We almost died back there.”

“Well then maybe you should be thanking me,” Dabi responded with a hint of cruelty mixed into his tone, still holding on tight to the grudge against the silver-haired boy for stepping in front of his stolen car. Though, at this point, it really wasn’t even about that anymore, was it?

“What do you mean team?” you then cut in, feeling the tension between the two of them growing and hoping to defuse the situation before it erupted again. Even so, some sarcasm couldn’t help but shine through your words, one of your eyebrows quirked up in some kind of dramatic confusion. “The way I remember it, you wanted to leave us for dead on more than one occasion.”

“Look, I’m not used to workin’ with other people, alright?” Dabi shot back, clearly feeling cornered now, both you and Tomura setting distrusting stares upon his inked skin and sapphire eyes. “So, sorry if things didn’t always go off without a hitch—” He leaned forward, tightening the huddle between you three. “But what I’m tryna say is…”

Dabi took a moment to search your eyes, studying them, memorizing their color and the way they looked in the light versus the dark. Then he shifted his gaze to Tomura, who’s bright scarlet was far less alluring. Dabi didn’t know what you saw in him— saw in his dry, cracked, scarred skin and all that shaggy silver hair that fell into his eyes. Because all Dabi saw was someone not worth the trouble. Someone who would bury him— bury the both of you— along with himself if he got the right chance.

Perhaps Tomura was a risk in all of this.

Perhaps Dabi would live to regret trusting him.

But Dabi knew that if he wanted you— and he most certainly did want you— then Tomura was going to have to be the stray that tagged along. At least, until he could think of a better way to get rid of him…

“What I’m tryna say is that I think the three of us could pull off some pretty decent jobs,” Dabi finally concluded.

You narrowed your eyes at him, thinking if you traced over the lines of his tattoos or dared to submerge yourself into the blue of his stare for long enough you’d figure out what angle he was working, what catch would be tacked on to the end of such an offer. Though, in your hesitation, Tomura seemed to have put some of the scattered pieces to this puzzle he could gather together in his own head. He held his stare with Dabi and asked, that raspy, dangerous darkness overtaking his tone as he lowered his voice and asked, “Like what?”

And that was it.

From that moment on, you were in, all three of you leaning in closer and closer to each other as Dabi detailed some robberies he’d been trying to plan— robberies that required more than one person who knew the streets like he did and would have each other’s backs if things took a turn— elaborating on the fact that they were mostly on his enemies, guys who’d either wronged him in the past or would in the very near future if someone didn’t remind them they weren’t untouchable.

“But that’s just the warm up,” Dabi smirked, wearing that arrogant grin as he gave a half shrug, rolling his eyes a bit as if to say, child’s play. “I say we test out just how well we work together on these guys, then move onto something a little less pedestrian and more, say… Corporate.”

You thought of your view standing upon those rooftops, the heart of the city that you’d been cast out of so long ago shimmering in the distant summer heat. Close enough to dream of but still too far away to touch.

Dabi chuckled to himself then, posing the question, “I mean, what do we really have to lose?”

You’d wondered that for a while now.

Maybe it was about time you found out.

For the remainder of the night, the three of you tunneled deeper and deeper into Dabi’s plans, exploring every nook and cranny of the scheme until you felt like enough of the holes had been filled and openings in the fences patched up. By the time the hands on the clock were beginning to run into the early hours of the next morning, your eyelids were growing too heavy for you to fight against anymore. 

You were exhausted and both the boys saw it.

So Tomura took the envelope out of his pocket, counted out each of your shares, Dabi counting his twice just to make sure, and thus the alliance was set. After that, you guys called it quits for the day, got some rest and allowed yourselves to recharge before the first act of your ambitious new activities would commence. And as you fell asleep curled up close to Tomura on that narrow couch, half of your body draped over him and finding comfort in the slow rise and fall of his chest, Dabi’s words kept repeating in your head over and over, an endless, overlapping echo of, “What do we really have to lose?”

You found the answer just before slipping unconscious, you think, though by the time you’d wake up tomorrow you’d forget it.

What do we have to lose? Well, the only thing that’s really ever been ours to begin with.

Our lives.

***

(Hello and thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please do check out the MV this fic is based on if you get the chance, it’s one I’ve loved since it came out all the way back in 2017, though perhaps you ought to wait until the fic is finished since it’s likely you’ll be able to predict some spoilers haha.

Anyway, future chapters will feature more of the Dabi x Reader side of things so for those of you who prefer Dabi please be patient with me! There’s actually a scene that’s been in my head for a while that I’m really looking forward to writing when the time comes.

I originally planned to write this fic in three parts but given how much more involved it became the more I developed it, now it's likely going to end up being somewhere between five and ten depending. I'll probably end up breaking up the original "three parts" into slightly shorter (though still lengthy) chapters so I'm able to post updates more consistently throughout this year rather than only be able to put out one huge chapter every few years.

Anyway, I really appreciate everyone’s patience and hope that you look forward to the next chapter. With that being said, I’ll see you soon!

Byyyyye~)

[hellcatalex1]

Part 1 -A Time for Celebration (Unbinding the Curse)

Astarion x Female Elf Durge

Post game, one year after the fall of the nether-brain, spawn Astarion, rejected bhaal durge

Triggers: Blood, adult language, adult themes consensual blood drinking , fluff, alcohol, getting drunk, trauma.

One year had passed since the fall of the nether brain. You and Astarion had journeyed across Faerûn, exploring the Sword Coast and beyond, to cities unknown and even finding your way to the enchanting hills and valleys of Evereska, home to a predominantly elven population. As elves yourselves, you delved into the rich elven culture and even rescued a member of the Evereska city council, though not without Astarion cheekily demanding a reward.

A wave of homesickness washed over you both after a year of ceaseless adventuring. Deciding to settle down for a while, you chose Baldur's Gate, where, as a hero of the city, Duke Ulder Ravengard generously offered you a home in the prestigious Upper City. Occasionally, you would lend a hand around the city, helping the good people of Baldur's gate. The city was still rebuilding after the illithid attack. There was plenty to do. On a quiet evening as the sun set and the merchants packed away their wares, your night was just beginning.

You slowly opened your eyes to the gentle flicker of a candle in the corner of your dimly lit bedroom, its windows boarded shut to protect Astarion from the sunlight. The sounds of the city outside dwindled as the evening deepened. Stretching languidly, you felt Astarion's arm tighten around your waist, pulling you into a warm embrace. His lips brushed against your neck, and you couldn't help but giggle at the ticklish sensation.

"Sorry, darling, I just can't help myself," he murmured, peeking over your shoulder. You turned to face him, his crimson eyes gleaming in the candlelight. His white curls were adorably tousled from sleep, and his smile radiated warmth and contentment. He had never looked more beautiful, peaceful, happy. You gaze into his eyes and run your fingers through his hair. As he gently pinned you to the bed, his lips hovered over yours before capturing them in a kiss that sent shivers down your spine.His tongue begs for entrance and you allow his tongue into your mouth. His tongue dancing with your own. His hands slowly pull the blanket down off your legs and glides his fingers up back up along your thighs.

His touch was electrifying as you savored every moment, wishing time would stand still. Over the past year, Astarion had opened up to you completely, learning to love and trust again. You had been there every step of the way, from stargazing in open fields to comforting him after nightmares of his past, whispering reassurances that he was loved and safe from Cazador's grasp. Getting over 200 years of trauma isn't easy but loving you was. Having you along side him to help fight his demons. And you would kill any bastard that tried to hurt him.

Pulling away from the kiss, Astarion gazed into your eyes, cupping your chin to draw you into another soft peck. You smiled at him, feeling a surge of love. How you loved this man.

"So, what shall we do with our night? Defy the gods again, save the world?" he teased.

You giggled, considering his playful suggestion. "Hmm, as tempting as that sounds, how about a walk instead? The skies are clear tonight, and the full moon should make for a lovely stroll."

He pouted slightly. "Not as fun, but with you, anything is delicious." He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, placing kisses up to your jaw. You tilted your head, pulling down the collar of your nightgown to expose more of your neck. "Go ahead, my love," you invited, giving him permission to feed.

Smiling, he placed another tender kiss on your lips. "Thank you, my sweet," he whispered, before sinking his teeth gently into your skin. The intimacy of the moment made you feel closer to him than ever. His feeding was always gentle, ensuring he never took too much. Intertwining his fingers with yours, he showed his gratitude, and you felt completely safe with him.

It still hurt a little of course but nothing compared to the first time he bit you at camp. Your blood was the first taste he had ever drank from a thinking creature. You remember the night vividly. The pain, the pleasure and the adrenaline you felt from it. Since your time together you have allowed Astarion to feed on you many times to help keep up his strength and keep him clear headed. There was no way in hell you would let him be hungry enough for blood to drink from rodents and vermin ever again.

When he finally pulled away, he licked a drop of your blood from the corner of his mouth. "As always, you taste divine," he said with a satisfied smile. You nodded, accustomed to the slight soreness in your neck.

"How are you feeling, darling? Do you need a moment?" he asked, concerned.

"No, I'm fine, love. But I should probably eat something soon. How about a trip to the Elf Song Tavern?" you suggested.

"Of course, darling," he agreed, rising from the bed to dress for the night.

Venturing at night had its ups and downs, the Baldurs Gate Market was always closed but of course the elf song was open, filled with the town drunks and drunken soldiers. The elf-song didn't have the best of food late at night but you made do. You didint really have a choice. Maybe one of these days you would go out in the morning and buy fresh baked goods for the house. You tried not to go out during the day. You were in this life with Astarion all the way. If he wasn't able to see the sun then you wouldn't either. You didn't see him for a few weeks after the brain fell. On the docks when the tadpoles influence was gone, you saw your love being burned by the thing he loved just as much as he loved you. How it broke your heart to see him run into the shadows. But you knew he needed time alone to process things and he would eventually find you.

You get up off the bed and also start getting dressed for your night. A little while later, you both exit to leave the house when you see a letter on the ground. "Hm, what's this?" You say as you pick up the letter. Carefully tearing open the letter you pull out a fine quality invitation. The invitation had beautiful intricate designs. On the invitation it read.

"You have been cordially invited to witness the love and union of Dame Aylin and Isobel Thorm. Celebrate with food and drinks and music. The celebration will be held in the newly built Last Light Inn on the 10 of Murtel.

May The Moon Maiden Guide you,

Aylin and Isobel."

You show the letter to Astarion and both agree you will be attending. The next night you both leave Baldurs Gate to make your way to the old haunt formerly known as the shadowlands.

A few days later, you arrive at Reithwin Town, a place once known as the Shadowlands. But now, it's almost unrecognizable. Where there was once darkness and decay, there is now a vibrant tapestry of life. Verdant plants stretch out in every direction, with trees heavy with blossoms and fruit, their branches swaying in the gentle breeze. Flowers stand tall, their colors vivid and rich, painting the landscape with hues of renewal. Above, the sky, once thick and oppressive, now gleams with a clarity that reveals a tapestry of twinkling stars. The moon hangs large and luminous, as if Selûne herself is casting her benevolent gaze upon the town, blessing it with her light. A warmth spreads through you as you take in the transformation, your thoughts drifting to the battle with Ketheric Thorm, the search for Thaniel, and the liberation of the captives at Moonrise. Every bloom, every shining star, stands as a testament to what you’ve accomplished.

“All of this... because of us,” you whisper, the words almost lost in the night.

“It’s certainly an improvement,” Astarion quips, his voice laced with mischief. “And look, there are even delicious little snacks scurrying about,” he adds, eyeing the rabbits and squirrels darting between the trees. You playfully roll your eyes at his comment.

You chuckle softly. “Come on, the ceremony will start soon. We don’t want to be late.”

Together, you and Astarion make your way toward the Last Light Inn, taking note of the freshly carved signs along the path. The main road, once closed off, now hums with life again, the marks of wagon wheels and horse hooves telling tales of revived trade and travel.

As you cross the familiar bridge leading to the Last Light Inn, the memories of what was and the hope of what’s to come intertwine, filling you with a sense of purpose and pride.

You and Astarion arrive at the familiar bridge leading into last light inn.

"What once was a refuge from the cursed darkness, now a beacon of light, where hero's have rested and enemies vanquished. Welcome to the Last Light Inn."

The plaque on the sign leading into the inn gleams with a freshly inscribed message, the metal polished to a bright sheen. As you cross the bridge, the gentle murmur of the stream below reaches your ears, its soothing sound a stark contrast to the chaos this place once held. Before you, rows of chairs are neatly arranged, all facing a beautifully crafted wooden arch adorned with delicate white blossoms that seem to glow in the soft light. A small crowd has gathered in the courtyard, and the once-dry fountain now bubbles with life, its waters catching the light as they dance.

As you scan the gathering, you spot familiar faces. Harpers and Flaming Fists who had stood with you in the battle against Ketheric Thorm, and others clad in the serene robes of Selûne’s followers. And there, among them, are your cherished companions, the ones who had fought beside you against the Absolute, the ones whose struggles you had shared and whose burdens you had helped lift. Shadowheart,now Jenevelle, stands among them, as do Gale Dekarios, Minsc of Rashemen, Jaheira the High Harper, and the former Archdruid Halsin. Though Karlach and Wyll remain in Avernus, and Lae’zel travels the Astral Plane, the sight of those present warms your heart.

As you approach, you notice your companions are dressed in their finest attire, a far cry from the bloodstained and battle-worn state in which you were so accustomed to seeing them. Who would have thought they could clean up so well? As you draw near, their faces light up, and you are met with enthusiastic greetings and embraces.

“I see you’ve made it,” Shadowheart says, her voice filled with warmth as she pulls you into a tight hug before turning to embrace Astarion. “It’s good to see you both.”

“It’s strange to be back in a place that once tried to kill us at every turn,” she muses, a hint of wonder in her voice. “I never thought I’d return here after turning my back on Shar, but her presence has completely vanished. It’s… a nice change of pace.” Her eyes reflect a deep peace, a contentment that was once foreign to her.

“I’m glad you came all the same,” you reply, your voice soft. “How have you been?”

“All is well,” she answers with a serene smile. “I’ve spent much of my time at the House of the Moon temple in Waterdeep.”

“Isn’t that the largest Selûnite temple in all of Faerûn?” you ask, a note of admiration in your voice.

She nods. “It is. I’ve been spreading the good word of our Lady of Silver and occasionally leading expeditions to recover lost artifacts from Selûne’s fallen temples. It’s not as thrilling as fighting mind flayers, but I’m happy.” Her expression glows with a quiet pride. The Shadowheart you once knew, lost, searching, and bound by Shar’s dark influence, is gone. In her place stands Jenevelle, a cleric of Selûne, whole at last. You realize how much you’ve missed her, remembering how close you became during your journey against the Absolute. She had a way of getting under your skin at first,then again, so did most of your companions,but unlike the others, she, along with Astarion, had been truly there for you when you needed it most.

“Enough about me,” she says, her tone lightening. “How have you two been? Astarion, are you staying out of trouble?”

Astarion’s lips curl into a sly smile. “Oh, I’ve been very well-behaved, thank you. We’ve taken a turn on adventuring, well, I have, at least. It turns out no one really minds murder as long as you’re murdering the right people. And, as it happens, I’m rather good at it.”

Shadowheart arches an eyebrow, her head tilting slightly as she looks at you with mild confusion.

You chuckle softly. “A story for another time.”

As people begin to take their seats in front of the arch, Shadowheart takes a sip of wine from her chalice. “The ceremony is about to begin,” she says, casting a last smile your way. “I’ll have to hear that story later.” With that, she drifts away to find her place among the gathering.

Following Shadowheart’s lead, you and Astarion find two empty chairs and settle in, the anticipation in the air almost palpable. As the last of the guests take their seats, the inn’s front door creaks open, and Dame Aylin steps out, a radiant smile on her face. She waves at the crowd as she glides toward the arch, her movements confident and graceful. Her hair is slicked back into a tight, low ponytail, highlighting her sharp features. She wears a long-sleeved white blouse with ruffled cuffs, tucked neatly beneath a light blue vest adorned with intricate embroidered designs, silver crescent moons woven into the pattern like whispers of divine protection. Her wings, a testament to her celestial nature, drape behind her, adding an ethereal quality to her presence.

When she reaches the arch, a hush falls over the courtyard, the moment suspended in time. Then, the soft, melodic notes of a flute begin to play, weaving through the silence like a delicate thread of music. You turn to see Isobel emerge from the inn’s doors, every eye drawn to her. She wears a gown of shimmering silver, the fabric catching the light with every step. The dress is elegant, with a deep V-neck and a corseted back that accentuates her graceful form. The bodice is embroidered with crescent moons and stars, symbols of Selûne’s blessing. In her hands, she carries a bouquet of wildflowers, their vibrant colors a striking contrast against her silver attire.

Isobel’s eyes are locked on Aylin, and the connection between them is palpable, an unspoken bond that needs no words. Aylin’s gentle smile mirrors Isobel’s as they exchange a look so tender and full of love that it makes your heart ache with the beauty of it. As Isobel reaches the arch, she takes Aylin’s hands in her own, their gazes never wavering from one another. In that moment, the moon seems to shine brighter, its silver light bathing the couple in a celestial glow, as if Selûne herself is blessing their union.

The sight stirs something within you, a curiosity about Astarion’s thoughts on marriage. It’s a topic that’s never come up between you, and while the idea has always felt distant, seeing Aylin and Isobel here, united in such a powerful way, makes you wonder. Would Astarion ever consider such a commitment? Would he ever propose, or is marriage something he doesn’t believe in? The questions swirl in your mind, unexpected but persistent, as you watch the couple before you, their love so apparent, so unguarded.

As the moonlight continues to caress the scene, a priest dressed in Selûnite robes approaches the arch, taking his place behind the couple. The ceremony is about to begin, and for a moment, all thoughts of the future fade away, leaving only the present, this beautiful, sacred moment, shared with those you hold dear.

"Dearly beloved, we gather here under the watchful gaze of Selûne, the goddess of the moon, who guides us through the darkness with her gentle light. Selûne is the embodiment of change and constancy, the ever-shifting phases of the moon that remind us of the cycles of life, love, and union. Today, we celebrate the love and unity of Dame Aylin and Isobel, who stand before us ready to embark on their journey together, illuminated by the light of Selûne’s blessings."

The priest pulls out a small idol of Selune.

"Aylin and Isobel, you stand before your loved ones and before the goddess Selûne to declare your intent to join in marriage. Do you, Aylin vow to cherish and support Isobel through all phases of life, just as Selûne shines in all her phases, in times of both darkness and light?"

"I do, this is my vow"

A small warm glow radiates around her for just a moment before disappearing.

"And do you, Isobel, vow to cherish and support Aylin, through all phases of life, just as Selûne shines in all her phases, in times of both darkness and light?"

"I do"

"Now , Aylin and Isobel will exchange their vows, promising to love each other under the light of the moon and the watchful eyes of Selûne."

"Isobel, when I had lost you, the light in my life was gone, trapped in the shadow fell for all those years, the only thing getting me through were happy memories I had shared with you. I vow to love and protect you and to ensure no harm ever comes your way again, together my love there is nothing we can't do."

You hear sniffles in the crowd, you look around to see people tearing up. Even the toughest looking flaming fists sniffle and wipe away tears with a tissue.

"Lady Isobel, you may state your vows" the priest giving her the okay to speak next."

"Aylin, from the moment I set eyes on you, it was love at first site. You are the most caring and loving person I have ever met. You helped me escape from my nightmares. My favorite thing about you is how much you understand me. You are what I want and exactly what I need. I promise to love you and be your biggest support for the rest of my mortal life"

As the two exchange your vows you can't help but think about Astarion again. What would his vows be to you? What would your vows be to him? Maybe that he was patient with you, never judged you for what you had done during your urges. That he would never have to put up his mask again around you. You were there to protect him and keep him safe always.

The thought brings a small tear to your eye.

"Really darling? I didint take you as one to cry at a wedding."

You snap out of your thoughts to hear Astarion whisper in your ear.

"Oh.. er I mean yea it's just so beautiful, they truly deserve eachother after all they have been through." You respond, trying to have a quick response to ease suspicion.

"You're so adorable when you get all sentimental"

He grabs your hand and gives it a small squeeze.

You both bring your attention back to the ceremony.

"May Selûne bless your union with her radiant light. As the moon waxes and wanes, so too will your love evolve, but may it always return to fullness. May the light of Selûne guide your way through all of life’s trials, and may you find comfort in each other’s arms, just as night finds solace in the glow of the moon."

Everyone rises out of their seats for the kiss.

"By the power vested in me by Selûne, the goddess of the moon, and the love that binds you, I now pronounce you married. You may seal your union with a kiss."

The two lovers lean in for a kiss, a moment so charged with passion that it sends ripples through the crowd. The courtyard erupts in cheers and applause as Aylin sweeps Isobel into her arms, spinning her around with a laugh that echoes through the courtyard. The air is thick with joy, the kind that feels tangible, like a warm breeze on a summer evening.

As the ceremony transitions into a lively celebration, the inn becomes a hub of merriment. The bar is bustling with guests, tankards overflowing with ale and wine as the barkeep struggles to keep up with demand. A band strikes up a series of lively tunes, filling every corner of the inn with music that seems to dance through the air on its own. Astarion finds himself at a table playing a round of Baldur's Bones with a group of unsuspecting patrons. You can’t help but smirk as you watch him, knowing full well he’s likely using his charming wit and sleight of hand to cheat his way to victory. The sneaky rogue.

Meanwhile, you decide to share a quiet moment with Jaheira, the venerable High Harper. "Have your nightmares finally ceased since being freed from Bhaal's influence?" she asks, her voice soft as she sips from a glass of deep red wine.

You take a moment before answering, the weight of her question settling over you. "The nightmares still come," you admit. "Some nights, it’s me waking up in terror, other nights it’s Astarion. I hope that one day, we can be rid of them for good."

Jaheira nods knowingly. "Ah, but you are free now. And that freedom, no matter how haunted, makes the nightmares a bit more bearable, does it not?"

Your gaze drifts to Astarion, who is now shaking a pair of dice with a mischievous grin, clearly enjoying the game’s turn in his favor. The table erupts in groans as he rolls the dice, and with a victorious sweep of his hand, he collects a small pile of gold coins. He catches you watching him and flashes a smile so full of warmth that it makes your heart swell.

"Yes," you murmur, your eyes never leaving his. "With him, it definitely makes them bearable."

Jaheira chuckles softly, rolling her eyes playfully. But before you can dwell too long on your thoughts, a raucous cheer rises from the center of the tavern. Aylin and Isobel, hands entwined, lead a gathering of guests into a jubilant dance. The crowd forms a circle, hands clasped as they move together in a lively round. Aylin, with the strength and grace of a Paladin, pulls you into the circle before you have a chance to protest, you can't help but to laugh.

You join hands with the strangers around you, spinning and twirling in the circle, your laughter joining the chorus of joy. The music quickens, and soon everyone is dancing with wild abandon. The on lookers clap to the beat of the music. You’re swept up in the energy, feeling lighter and freer than you have in years. As the dance transitions into pairs, you find yourself alone in the center, your eyes locking with Astarion’s across the room.

"Nononono," he protests with a smile as you stride over, determined to pull him into the dance.

"Come on," you laugh, grabbing his hand. "Darling I don't know how to dance" He says as your drag him to the dance floor. "I don’t know how to dance either, but let's learn together, unless you don’t want to…"

The hesitation in your voice is subtle, but Astarion catches it. He’s always been sensitive to your feelings, and he knows you know how important it is to not push him into things. But tonight, he sees how much fun you’re having, and he can’t resist the urge to join you. "No, it’s alright," he says, his voice softening. "I’m happy to dance with you, my love."

The two of you step into the center of the dance floor. Awkward at first as Astarion tries to figure out where to place his hands and which foot to move first. He overthinks it, of course, but you just laugh and take his hands in yours, guiding him gently. "It’s okay," you say with a smile, spinning yourself out of his arms before twirling back into them. "Just follow the music. It’s only me and you out here."

Slowly, Astarion relaxes, letting the rhythm of the music guide his movements. The two of you fall into sync, your bodies moving together with increasing ease. Around you, the other dancers whirl and spin, but it’s as if they all fade away, leaving only the two of you in this perfect moment. A laugh erupts from Astarion’s lips, a sound so precious that it makes your heart ache with love.

You continue to dance, your breath coming in gasps as the exertion catches up to you. But neither of you wants to stop. The connection between you feels electric, as if the world has narrowed to this single point in time where nothing else matters but the two of you. You gaze into Astarion’s eyes, seeing in them the man who has become your everything, your lover, your partner, your friend. And in that moment, you know he sees you the same way: the most beautiful, adventurous, and kindest soul he has ever known.

As the dance slows, you lean in, your lips meeting his in a kiss that feels like the culmination of every shared moment, every whispered word, every night spent holding each other against the darkness. The world around you falls away, the music muffling into the background as you lose yourself in him. His hand slides behind your head, fingers threading through your hair as he deepens the kiss, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you.

When you finally pull back, the room comes back into focus. The other guests are watching, their eyes warm with approval. There’s no embarrassment, just a shared understanding of the love between you. Aylin raises her arms, her voice carrying over the crowd. "Is this not a day to celebrate love?" she exclaims. "What these two heroes have is true love. Perhaps one day we’ll be dancing at their wedding!"

Her words send a flush of heat to your cheeks, and you quickly look away, suddenly shy.

But before you can dwell on it, Isobel steps in, her voice gentle as she tries to guide Aylin away. "Not everyone shares our ideals on marriage, my love," she says, her tone soothing. "Let’s leave them be."

"Ah my wife, you are as beautiful as you are wise, Another round for my friend barkeep!" Aylin yells out loud. Almost loosing her footing and swaying back and forth. Isobel guides her to the bar. She gives you a small nod. Almost as if she understood what you were thinking.

Astarion notices your sudden shyness, his eyes narrowing in concern. "My sweet, are you alright?"

You blink, snapping out of your thoughts. "Huh? Oh, yes, just parched, my love." It’s not entirely a lie, dancing has left you incredibly thirsty, but there’s more to it than that. The question of marriage hovers in the back of your mind, a topic you’re not quite ready to broach. The idea of it excites you, but the fear of what his answer might be holds you back.

Sensing your discomfort, Astarion doesn’t press the issue. He knows you well enough to trust that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready. For now, he’s content to let it be, to enjoy the night with you by his side.

The rest of the evening is a blur of laughter and camaraderie as you catch up with your companions, sharing stories and getting lost in the revelry. By the time the party winds down, you’re thoroughly sloshed, your steps unsteady as Astarion helps you stumble to your room. Thankfully, it’s a windowless chamber, perfect for shielding him from the rising sun.

"I love you… soooooo much," you slur, your words tumbling out as he gently sets you on the bed. "You’re really great."

Astarion laughs softly, the sound full of affection. "I love you too, darling."

As he begins to undress for the night, you clumsily reach out, wrapping your arms around him and pressing a sloppy kiss to his neck. "I want to make love to you," you whisper, your voice meant to be seductive but coming out far too loud in his ear.

He chuckles, shaking his head with a smile. "Darling, you’re far too drunk for that." Gently, he guides you back onto the bed, helping you out of your dress and shoes before tucking you in under the covers. You’re asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow, a soft snore escaping your lips.

Astarion watches you for a moment, a tender smile on his face. Even in your drunken state, there’s a peacefulness to you that he finds irresistible. He presses a kiss to your forehead before slipping under the covers beside you, holding you close as he drifts off to sleep.

The next evening, you wake with a brutal hangover, your head pounding and your stomach churning. A bath helps to ease the worst of it, and by the time you make your way downstairs, you’re feeling somewhat better. The inn is quieter now, most of the guests having departed, leaving only a few stragglers and your companions.

You spot Astarion at a table with Gale, deep in conversation. As you approach, Astarion’s gaze lifts to meet yours, concern flickering in his eyes. "How are you feeling, my sweet?" he asks, his voice gentle.

"Like all of the nine hells are in my head." You rub your temples. You grab a tankard of water in front of you and chug it down. The cool liquid feels refreshing.

"What are you guys talking about?" Pulling the tankard away from your lips.

Astarion and Gale look at each other then back at you. "I was just telling Astarion about something I had discovered while in my tower in Waterdeep. It has great benefits that would be of interest to Astarion." He explains.

"Great, what is it?" You ask. Urging Gale to tell you the juicy gossip.

"I am unable to disclose that information here."

"Why not?" Sounding rather disappointed.

"Please just trust me, I would like to invite you both to Waterdeep to show you my discoveries. You can head back with me tonight. "

You look at Astarion who looks back at you. You can tell he's extremely curious. He gives you a pleading look. You were never able to resist his charm and his version of puppy dog eyes.

You take a deep breath. "If it's something that will help Astarion, I'll go."

Astarion gives out a reliving sigh and smiles at you. You wonder what it could possibly be. Maybe a never ending supply of blood. Or maybe something to help the sanguine hunger. The possibilities were endless and you knew Astarion was itching to find out.

Part 2 here