#its the one thing keeping me sane
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rants japan edition bc i feel like this needs to be collected and made fun of in hindsight when i feel better
#i cant do this anymore#my laptop charger port thing stopped working so now even in a specific position it wont charge#my essays are all due saturday#i talk to my friends on there#its the one thing keeping me sane#i swear my mental health is the lowest its been in... idk 10 years#im being very mean to myself these days bc im so frustrated#i know i should be grateful for the opportunity and all but why have the past 5 months been nothing but absolute bullshit#i feel so dumb whining about smth i know ill get solved#and would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience of i didnt already feel like shit#like i feel as pathetic as the time i cried for two days bc my chair broke and i couldnt afford a new one#but like. it is what it is.#om crying but at least its in japan *finger guns#i feel so fucking helpless here i did not know i could be this depressed again#if u know me tho dw about me ill be ok. ill always be ok its just 1am and i habe to wait for a response of the ppl i asked for help#and i need to vent bc i feel alone and useless#ill stop insulting myself eventually but not today#rants
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the urge to spill everything about my tfbw hanh is so strong rn
#I WANNA DO IT SO BAD BUT I WANNA FINISH THEIR CHARACTER EXPLORATIONS FIRST#genuinely the only thing keeping me sane rn#i have a huge pinterest board rn#so many notes#SO MANY DOODLES#SO MANY SONGS IN THE PLAYLIST#the lore is insane you guys i swear its just all in my head rn#IM COOKING IM BREWING ITS FESTERING IN MY MIND#i was initially going to work on her tsot design first but then the superhero trope just sucker punched me in the face#a moot asked me for their tsot design and i feel bad that im working on tfbw one first....lol......#I CANT HELP IT#dont wanna eat the candy...... BUT THE PARASITES...#THE PARASITES IN ME WANNA EAT THE CANDY#anyways i needed to get that off my chest lol#shroomer talks !
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guys here me out on Ronald and Steve Staleburger,,
#OFFICIAL SML TIMMY MADE ME DO IT OKAY#aka cough cough anthony#another toxic old men yaoi#“hehe its my manager steve” 👉👈#keep in mind that most of the things I ship ain't functional lol I just like their dynamic#another one of my favorite reoccurring characters#sml#half joking#not sane rn#anthony hinted it hinself and he litterly plays ronald#“I think him and Steve has a little more going on then what he thinks”#or maybe Timmy is just like that
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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au
this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂
i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl
#ask#anonymous#this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea#i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it#i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have#shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE#cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT#but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen#to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY#i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself#cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation#would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately#sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress#so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life#anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder#composite au#<- ??? putting that tag purely for organizational purposes
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my enjoyment of philever is a constant battle of deciding if its funnier them getting platonically involved or forever being permanently in his boyfailure era
#i have a very specific way that i see philever#like q!philza fucking minecraft getting an italicized “oh” moment and goes into permanent denial is such a funny concept#and q!4ever realizing he started to fall for q!phil for who he is and its unconciously coaxing q!phil out of his denial and actually woo hi#but also i just love how their dynamic is right now. the bantering is what keeps reeling me in#i think i talked about this before in one of my least sane ramblings but yeah. i like them not bc it could be romantic or platonic#but a secret third thing<- i just think its hilarious and my enjoyment comes from them getting together is not even a possibility.#anyway unmovable object “i just like phil cuz he looks like brunim” is not stopping unstoppable force “i can ignore canon”#my only worry is them not bantering or silly flirting again cuz of lore or whatver. cuz i genuenly like their weird friendship they have#even ignoring philever i fucking love caramelduo they bring me a lot of joy#sorry this is so long i've been trying to pin point why i like them so much#qsmp#philever
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my mental health is already low but when i saw the pricesoap kid say “bouta become ghe biggest ghostsoap hater what u gonna do abt it” i’ll admit i genuinely tweaked there
#like. dawg i literally do not give a fuck#leave me alone. im already sick of all the x reader shit that gets on my fyp. i dont want people hating on the one thing keeping me sane#leave my boys alone!!!#and its an OG PRICESOAP kid!!#curious on what resi has to say about that
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its always bad when its both me and janet, we can only take one set of mental illnesses at once not both
#they do not compliment eachother#this is what landed us in hospital last time#too much time and both of us#i feel like im going to end up back in hospital#ik if i told people things (not even all of it) id get myself sectioned (or whatever amercans call it)#like just the extent of my self harm is enough to get me in hospital#and tgats not mentioning janet or the messages or suicide stuff or some other stuff#like im not stupid ik im going to end up doing something and getting the cops called ik my parents are liars#i bet the school would call an ambulance if they saw my arm their so dramatic about medical stuff#tried to call an ambulance on my friend who fainted for a few moments#its ridiculous#and i couldn't move for about an hour and i feel like thats going to keep happening again#no one noticed but theyd definitely call an ambulance then#or if i have a meltdown or a bad panic attack#and by bad i mean multiple hour long unable to see or feel my limbs#whenever its both of us shit like that happens#and when i have meltdowns their big#screaming and head banging for hours#theyd kick me out of school again#and i was doing pretty good for the first time in two years too#people finally started listening to me because i could act sane enough that'll all fall apart again#janets so annoying#makes my life impossible and janets also suicidal but a fucking pussy and always stops me just before i can#ill never be able to die on purpose because of this fucking kid#tw mental hospital#tw police#were so conflicting in personality we can't do nothing#im so angry and janets so scared so we just sit in it forever#just gotta re trumatise ourselves again so the other fucks off for a while and we can function#its like ever time we are safe its both of us and we can't fucking take it
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im so like. vaguely mad about this one thing that happened like a week ago and its making me feel like my mother to be this mad about something and mutter to myself about this all day
#its only temporary is the one fucking thing keeping me sane but even then i am so#idk i dont trust myself to not get mad about this and i dont want to never say anything if it does happen again#whatever im just gonna hope it never happens again#original#text#🌤#🍓#🗽
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one of the downsides of living alone is everything getting dirty when you get sick. congrats youre better now figure out where the hell to start fixing everything else
#posts#experienced this over the summer and rn specifically with my room#so its only one room yes. but my room is SO fucked right now#like i want to clean all of my clothes and bedsheets once im better. that feels like the correct thing#but i also have to clean up garbage which is SO hard for m for some reason#its just rly tedious and never truly done#theres always fuckin Something left over#anyways the positives of living alone still greatly outweigh the negatives for me. particularly when youre still able to see friends often#thats the part that keeps you sane
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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It's difficult dealing with so many people who think we aren't meant to be with eachother. I don't get why someone else's relationship can mean so much to bystanders. Can't you find something else to do?
#mine#yandere#yancore#irl yandere#yanderecore#yandere vent#yanposting#i just. self confidence can only get you so far. surrounded by people who are saying awful things wears me down so much#i hate them so much and i wish they never existed. its making me stronger supposedly but the only thing i feel like its actually doing is#making me violent and miserable and angry and nauseous. please stop saying those things about him#i try to block it out but its literally everywhere. this is all i have. this is ALL I HAVE. BUT IT DOESNT MATTER HUH#and it feels like theyre all against me. and the only thing i can do is cry and hate them more and more#and the only thing i can do is love him the most. but only by myself. because no one can comprehend the lengths i would go#and no one takes it seriously and appreciates that its the only thing keeping me sane and the only reason why im here rn#but then again. they dont matter do they?#i just need to permanently kill that part of me that cares what they think. because nothing else and no one else matters!! ok??
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i will start with trespasser tomorrow i will spend the rest of the night gleefully shimmying around (mimicry of dance)
#ghosts howling#kind of embarrassing that i stopped the main story to do side things like. literally two quests before the ending HAHA. I DIDNT KNOW!!!#its good that my intuition told me this though im glad i could get all my side stuff done stress free#SEE! THAT FORTUNE COOKIE WAS RIGHT!#im happy to have finally finished the main game though. one step closer to being free to draw again#i really liked the story!!! the gameplay not so much but after the horrific growing pains i did end up enjoying myself#most of the time#thank you youtube videos for keeping me sane in an open world game#now its time to OCPOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i want to draw specific digital art ideas but i want to write but i want to draw things for other ppl but i want to start my next crochet project but i want to play a video game that's been sitting in my steam library untouched for ages but i want to draw in my sketchbook but i want to - etc etc etc 😭
#and so i sit and do nothing bc i cannot make up my mind about which to work on fsdjkl#i think ''okay just choose one and go do it.'' and then... sit here bc i can't choose one HFDSGJKL#i try to use a wheel spinner but that messes w the brain gophers for some strange reason#also i need to work on cleaning as always HFDSJKL#AUGHHH I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS#its like... marbles in a marble tower and theyre all in the funnel and jostling for position so nobody can make it down the funnel#the only thing keeping me sane rn is that im listening to the da vinci c.ode audiobook LOL#otherwise i'd just be sitting here going insane all day JFDSJKL#dandy.cmd#vent //
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finished the 2nd book and started with the 3rd and i am in absolute agony
#SLIGHT SPOILER IN THE TAGS#captive prince spoiler#im kissing the person on the eye for making that one chart spoiling their relationship status over the course of the three books#because its literally the thing that keeps me sane rn#i cant deal with THEM BEING ENEMIES AGAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOO#captive prince#claain rambles
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I'm at a point where if you send me "design + muse name" I will give you a full on break down of my OCS design down to fucking skin tone. I want to ramble about how much needless thought I put into a character's creation. The only reason I draw is because I like the designing process of a character.
Am I good at it? No, but I am constantly trying to learn about character design so I can improve.
#a little ramble#i am just going feral#i just like designing ocs alot#its what makes me happy#one day ill get around to posing and backgrounds#i promise#rn this is the only thing keeping me sane#while also making me insane#ooc
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idk how anyone finds any joy being stifled by all these regulations. it's like the most kafkaesque setting and everyone is so so relaxed and happy abt it . meanwhile i genuinely genuinely wanna scream forever and tear down my clothes or something
#i can't even enter the pdf or open the stupid computer in uni's library without one thousand authorisations are you fucking kidding me.#the only thing keeping be sane is library genisis at this point TBH#me*#also doing everything on my tiny phone is really taking its toll on me#OK ONE THOUSAND STUDENTS AND UR FANCY MAC BOOKS#this sounds so bitter but i'm just . frustrated i'm sorry#🧷
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