#its the anxiety speaking
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#vent#GIRL MOMENT#Cant a guy just be regular jighschool and college guy Must he have to be special and graduate early or work or fuck all#GROWING UP SUCKS!’!!!;!:!&#likethey be Oh sick you will be done by the second semester you can go work or some shit like Man im tryna NOT be at home as much as possibl#srry girl is complaining for little to no reason#its the anxiety speaking#they changed a bunch of state laws to allow highschoolers a huge step up in like everything#and everyones excited abt it but im sitting here like Nooo go back ill take the classes ill do math for an extra twelve years
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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Generalised anxiety disorder is a fucking wild ride like.
Oh? Something you've wanted your entire life is finally happening?
ANXIETY AND FEAR! EXTREME WORRY! SECOND GUESSING CONSTANTLY!!!! THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN!!!! SABOTAGE IT!!!!!!
#actuallyanxious#donnie speaks#generalised anxiety disorder#gad#well i will not listen to my GAD!!! it is happening!!!#i will post about it here once its certain because another goblin on my brain is scared of jinxing it LMAO#but it is GOOD! and i will remind myself thay
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imogen fumbling shit is just eternally good fodder for memes, alright. and its at least partly BECAUSE of how powerful she is. someone tripping while using a nerf gun? funny. someone dramatically hoisting up an outfit matchin heavy death laser gun and then immediately tripping and landing on their face? phenom. sometimes she goes "GROVEL" and the enemies grovel and we all go "oooooh" and "aaaahhh" and sometimes she just gets fully ignored and gets so huffy and petulant and ineffectually burns a cantrip just to be petty about it. sometimes she smites her enemies into dust with one move and renders a tree in half after threatening and other times she fucking. falls down a flight of stairs and accidentally sets everything on fire. fires a gun at her own team. loses all her hair. turns blue. etc.
Imogen lifts a humongous sand squid into the sky with her mind powers. Imogen is also falling out of a sky ship and landing on the desert sand far below and just. lying there. while her friend plays the flute in the background. epic hot failgirls NEED the HEIGHT to FAIL FROM. u gotta swing and miss sometimes!!! AND you gotta be REAL petty about it when u miss!!!! fucking fantastic.
#its like how fjord with no dignity is fantastic because fjord is Hot and Charismatic and ClearHeaded under pressure but also#has never had a good experience with an animal despite being wild mother follower. tried to yell a flower into submission (and failed).#u have to take ur hottest and most powerful warriors and make them eat shit every now and then with the same zealousness that they#absolutely wreck shop#I apologize I know I've reblogged like four posts about it its just so delightful#critical role#c3e58#cr spoilers#imogen temult#shitpost#spar speaks#god with fjord and imogen there's just something about extremely powerful anxiety ridden Universes Personal Joke characters huh#whoops. I guess I might have a weakness after all.#theres a separate post about how her fucky morals and general anxiousness also collide hilariously but i realized i was losing the thread#what portion of it i hadnt already lost at least
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I'll either succeed or I'll learn trying
#I wanna REMEMBER THIS!!!!!!!!#its helpful for me to keep in mind#not failing. learning#learning. learning makes failures into something worthwhile#grimacing as I repeat this to myself#text post#delete later#idk saying it cause it made me be like heh. nice#so idk might make someone else be like hm... nice#so LAMGOMSAGKLSAJGALKGJASLKGMSALKGJ#there is not much thought behind the things I post there's just not really much thought in general#honestly that is not true#I overthing everything. on account of the anxiety#but it's all good#speaking of the doc gave me an anti anxiety med on top of the adhd thing#so that's cool#seems to be working though..#she told me I could up the dose and I might do that in like a week if it feels like hrmm#I asked for all the instructions about starting stopping upping lowering or changing the time I take things#cause yknow. those things matter and I like to experiment to figure out whats best for me#this has nothing to do with the post#also they messed up my order again#i only got 180 books#bro theres 120 more#where are they#give me my books!!! please!!!!!!!1#I'll wait til tomorrow#its possible they just didnt fit on the truck. thats completely reasonable
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vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
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Late night Post but if you're a stim blog that doesn't allow interaction from pr-oshi-ppers like or interact w this post pls.
#Stim#Stims#Stimmy#Stimblr#ITS So late i forgor to add.tags.#Smile Speaks#check my pinned to give my dni a once over- i'd like more blogs to follow.#Working on stimboard commissions rn fyi- after they're finished i Might step back for a little while. Anxiety getting to me real bad#so i'm gonna take a bit of a break.#maybe i'll focus on my photography for a lil while!#edit 2 clarify. stim BLOG HGJDSAHG
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maybe i’m biased but promoting a faster rider seems fair to me? even tho marc wasn’t ducati-reared. like i get why it would bother other people but it is a result-based sport so idk. open to hearing your thoughts tho!
clearly you were not here in may when i was dancing on jorge martin's grave
#i think its more that they promised him the seat TWICE and there wasnt anything more he could do to prove that he deserved it?#the only thing he could do would be to uh. be marc marquez#and marc knew that ! and USED it ! which is SOOOO sexy of him#motogp#asks#callie speaks#please casey stoner was simply speaking as a vessel through my mortal flesh....#we have a quitting extreme sports in 2012 cuz of anxiety connection.... also the chronic illness but dwai
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do you have any dsmp neurodivergent headcanons? I have many
YES! thank you for asking!! :D
these are how i personally view the characters + whats canonically stated and I was debating to myself for an hour whether c!Tommy should go in alexithymia or not
#dsmp#neurodivergent dsmp#asks#the list originally included way more disaiblities and mental illneses but then i felt uncomfy doing that and would rather#do conditions that I have#Though I think c!dream may have npd or c!wilbur may#and c!tommy i thought might have hpd but the ending where he doesnt crave attention#and how he turned down presidency shows otherwise#and sorry for separating subtypes of adhd its just for the sake of clarity for me personally#I think c!punz and c!dream have ocd due to the compulsion of using the revival book to fight against their fear of death.#I have ocd death anxiety too and hoarding type ocd#I forgot c!purpled but I see him as autistic. AND C!SLIME who i see as audhd#I was gonna hc c!tommy as dysgraphic due to his handwriting on the signs but then i thought maybe thats just how he chooses to write so idk#Idk enough about npd or hpd to speak on it nor do i have it so its not included
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okay i’m going to be a bitch for a second but hear me out. i hate posts like this. i hate them so fucking much. they’re branded as “self-care” but they just assume so much. and if the things they’re assuming as givens happen to not be true for you, they make you feel even worse.
“everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through”. except what if you haven’t? what if life has knocked you down, and you still haven’t figured out how to get back up? what about us?
i’m still afraid of the same things i was afraid of ten years ago (and five years ago and two years ago). i haven’t overcome anything. i haven’t pushed through. i’m alive, but that’s pretty much all i have going for me in terms of survival. i’m actually probably worse off than i was ten years ago.
posts like this have a place in the discussion of mental health, i’m not denying that. if this kind of thing makes you feel better, that’s great. i’m genuinely happy this resonates with so many people. i’m just exhausted with seeing this kind of message presented as The standard of mental health everywhere. this “look how strong you are! look how far you’ve come!” message just rings hollow to me. idk i just think when it comes to mental health we need to get more comfortable talking about people who genuinely aren’t progressing and “overcoming” too.
#maybe this is just me being a bitter hater#because of my own shortcomings#but god im so sick of this message being pushed#it reads as ‘self care as long as you don’t have anything going on mentally more serious than anxiety and maybe Light depression’#god forbid you have something like a personality disorder. then you might as well just go fuck yourself#this post on its own is harmless enough#it just made me angry about the general trend i have observed#not to mention the fact that a hurdle is something you jump OVER not pass through#but now im just being pedantic#mental health#self care#mental illness#actually avoidant#avpd#ro speaks
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hilarious how different beliefs are Respected In The Family until it means the Beliefs are Different
#they will say its totally fine im not religious but god FORBID i want to sit out during prayers or religious christmas movies or whatever#whatever man. its temporary.#i loooooooooove being paralyzed by anxiety its my favorite thingggggg#winter speaks#personal
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ARTHUR AND I WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL APRIL WEDDING
#GUESS WHO BAGGED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!ME#glaive speaks#I FUCKING SQUEAKED SO LOUD IN VC DISCORD DIDNT PICK IT UP#ITS ALL WORTH IT . THE MOST ANXIETY IVE EVER FELT THIS NOVEMBER. ITS ALL WORTH IT#ARTHUR JAMES NIGHTINGALE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dead money is both the fucking worst and the actual best fallout new vegas dlc
#i hate it but its good#it gives me so much anxiety but the story has so much to it#i hate the veeping and the sitens and the bell and the stupid death clouds but the holograms are so fucking cool#playing blackjack alone in a casino filled with echoes and ghosts is an unparallelled experience#figuring out how to communicate with christine after her voice gets stolen was just so incredible#loved holding her hand#the vera keyes holograms calling out for sinclair for over TWO HUNDRED YEARS im loosing my domestication#locking elijah in the vault is cinematic masterpiece#i have a lot of feelings but its 2am#androleda speaks#fallout#fallout new vegas#dead money dlc
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im having to reply to emails and im being so fucking brave about it
#i finally got a job after—i shit you not— a whole fucking year#i’m excited but also very scared#tbqh i feel like my anxiety got even worse over the year as well?#don’t even get me started over how depressed i’ve been i realize im venting now but its in the tags of my own post#im allowed#anyway i had quite literally all the time in the world#but i feel like i drew significantly less than how i usually do#here’s to hoping i can do shit again tho LEL#gar speaks
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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can i say that atm i kinda regret that i decided to get my driver's license
#im gonna start driving soon and the thought alone gives me so much anxiety lmfao....#dont even wanna think about how bad its gonna be when im actually taking the test#raquel speaks
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