#its soooo sad when you have an idea in mind but can’t put it into action like now i look TRASHHH
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haedgaf · 6 months ago
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the attempt at continuing the transition was so ass i literally had to close the app and reflect as an editor like I NEED TO DO BETTER AND ATTEND MY CLASSES.
wip except the progress is HALTED
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revisitingfandoms · 2 months ago
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Hello! I love your writing, but I have some questions, hope you dont mind ! ^^
The question is for - Idea Prompt 10- A soulmate by any other name would never be the same -
Questions
Does this take place in the Canon universe? Or another au like modern world or fantasy?
When will PV meet his soulmates? Does his other soulmates only have his name or other names?
Soooo the Beasts are chained up in the Silver Tree and are PV Familia soulmates, what would they do once they get out of the tree? First go to PV?
When White Lily turns into Dark Enchantress Cookie, does her name change?
Do I have your permission to make a fic related to this, but with a different twist of my own? (I will put credit).
What would happen if Elder Faire Cookie finds out who Pure Vanillas Familia soulmates are? (Its also kinda sad that PV parents are distancing themselves from him).
Hope this doesn't bother you
Alright- Before I get to this I’m just gonna say a few things.
Sorry I’ve kinda been on hiatus, burnout sucks
Work also sucks and takes up a good portion of time
College is college and classes are long and the homework is longer
But in other words- I’m back. So to get to your ask.
1) 
Prompt ten is based mainly off of the canon au- the snippet is just from PV and white lily’s younger years. And with the added bonus of soulmates, which certainly changes somethings around, but potato patato.
2)
PV meets his soulmates at diffing times. He meets white lily first (Same school and such), followed later down the line golden cheese during the aftermath of the sugarfree road followed by both hollyberry and dark cacao. He meets elder faerie same as in canon.
But compared to the beasts… well hes always kinda knew shadow milk on some level as the light of truth. But he formally meets him during the whole beast yeast expedition, followed by the rests of the beasts.
Now for that second bit- its complicated.
All Five of the beasts only have pure Vanilla as a soulmate, but they kinda had each others names tattooed in a sense onto one another during their years when they were virtues- but pure vanillas is by all sense, the only “natural” one.
Now with the ancients + Elder Faerie.
Dark Cacao has pure vanilla as romantic, dark choco, hollyberry, golden cheese and white lily is family. Hollyberry has Pure Vanilla and Pitaya as romantic, while royal berry, jungle berry, tiger lily, princess cookie, wildberry, dark cacao, white lily and golden cheese as family. Golden cheese has pure vanilla as romantic, while dark cacao and hollyberry are family and white lily as an enemy. White lily has pure vanilla as romantic, while red velvet, matcha, dark cacao, golden cheese and hollyberry as family, but she also has herself as enemy : )
Elder faerie has the beasts names as enemies, but pure vanilla and white lily as romantic. 
3)
Yep. And once they get out its kinda semi splintered. They kinda split up with mystic and shadow going for PV while the other three work to get beast yeast back under their control.
4)
And no white lily’s name doesn’t change, however red velvet and matcha do have her as dark enchantress cookie on their arms rather then white lily. : )
5)
Go right ahead! I am curious : P
6) 
Well, you can’t always choose who your soulmates are. Thats something Elder faerie understands. 
Doesn’t mean he’s gonna let it stop him from sealing the beasts away again.
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sup-hoes-its-me · 4 years ago
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Skinny Love II (Kakashi x Reader)
A/N: second part to skinny love. This is all angst. Very sad. I just watched the pain arc again and had to write something about Kakashi and what happens. Im guessing this could be tagged for spoilers but Naruto is old soooo. 
Word count: 5000
“I’m just saying, maybe the second novel is better than the first. You’re free to have your own opinion, that’s just what I think.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“Whatever you say,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the masked man sitting in front of her. She was sipping on a hot bowl of broth after coming home from her most recent mission. It was a nice day out, and she thought it would be a good idea to go out and get something to eat with her favorite shinobi. He was dangerously possessive over his romance novels, and felt immense embarrassment when Y/N decided to pick them up as well. 
For a week after finishing the series, she mocked him for liking the gushy, mushy romance that lied on the pages, not to mention the more inappropriate chapters that left nothing to the imagination. Master Jiraiya wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing “research” at the bath house.
“We should go out more often,” he commented, “It’s nice to relax with all this Akatsuki business going on.”
“Definitely. We used to go out like this all the time before you started training those kids,” she hummed. It was true. They had normal outings at that point in time, as the only thing they did was go on missions and then chill at home until the next outing. After Naruto and Sasuke revealed their unique personalities, and got themselves into some sticky situations, the times changed and they spent much more time apart than before. “Not to mention going out with you gives me an excuse to eat whatever I want.”
He nodded in reply, his eyes trailing down to his novel once again which he was skimming over. She didn’t mind him reading at the table. What was he supposed to do? Eat? There was no way he would take off the mask. He was content just giving her company. 
His reading gave Y/N an excuse to admire him. Her eyes would lift from the table every time he looked down at the pages, and she would take in all his features. She swore, he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever met, even with the mask. Without a mask, he probably resembled a god. It was nice to just watch as he relaxed into his novel, enjoying himself without any cares in the world. 
She liked to talk to him even more. He always knew the right thing to say to make her feel important and wanted, even on her worst of days, he was there to make it better. He was brave and strong, but kind and gentle when need be. His soft words in the late nights they hung out, or his concern when she injured herself, or the happiness the times she made him laugh. Each moment meant so much more to her than he realized. 
It was evident to everyone that she had an attachment to him. What kind exactly was the complicated part. While they had been friends for quite a long time, she felt like he was more than just a normal friend or even a best friend. He felt more like a partner than anything, whether it be partner-in-crime or partner-in-love. She loved him with every bone in her body, more than she loved her comrades or her friends, she cared for him like she would a lover.
Maybe it was because she was so shy that she couldn’t tell him how she felt after all this time. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of death. She wasn’t sure what held her back from confessing her love to him, spilling all those words she kept under lock and key. She wanted there to be something more, but he’d never let on that he cared for her that way, and surely he would have said something if he did feel that way. It just seemed impossible.
But not to the ordinary person. 
People had mentioned in passing to Kakashi that he acted like a lovesick teenager when he was around the woman. She was just so perfect, how could he do anything but adore her. To him, she was one of the only people that truly mattered as more than a fellow shinobi or comrade.
There was no reason to rush it though. If she truly wanted a relationship with him, she would tell him eventually. He wasn’t one to go around throwing out love confessions first. He would wait until she was comfortable and ready. Until then, he would admire her from a distance, through friendly touches and smiles, and dreamy looks when the other wasn’t watching. To him, that was enough. 
This lunch outing was the perfect time to waste some hours with her just talking and reading in the others company. The day almost felt too good to be true. 
And it was.
First there was the explosion, followed by the screams. Oh, those screams would haunt Y/N’s dreams. Villagers who she’d known growing up screaming in pain. Quickly, she jumped to her feet as did the copy nin.  Their eyes frantically looked through the doorway of the restaurant, but there wasn’t anything on their particular street, just dust from the explosion floating down in thick clouds. 
“Someone’s attacked the village. Shit,” he cursed under her breath. 
They would have to go out there and fight, they both knew that very well. Fight who, they didn’t know, but Y/N could sense that the same foreign chakra signature was coming at her from multiple directions in the village. That couldn’t be good. It was probably that Akatsuki member that everyone was talking about. Pain. Pain with the rinnegan. How could the leaf compete against something as strong as that dojutsu?
“Everybody out! You know the evacuation route,” Y/N called out to the civilians in the restaurant, as she swallowed her panic. She made a move to usher the people from the store so they could run in the direction of refuge.
This wasn’t a normal battle. These intruders were a completely different breed than the ones they were used to fighting. She could feel the impending doom start to blanket around her body, and she took a deep breath. How could this happen? Was Pain here to take Naruto? Naruto wasn’t even in the village, how could that be? Was it the Akatsuki making a big statement attacking one of the five great villages?
There was just something off. She could feel it. Today was going to be one of the worst days, worse than anything else they’d experienced.
“Y/N, let’s go.”
“Kakashi…” she trailed off, not taking a step forward just yet. Was there something she needed to get off her chest before they rushed into a battle with an outcome unknown? As she met his frantic, panicked eyes with her own, she wondered if she should just confess her feelings right then and there, just so he could know before they put their lives on the line. 
Never in her life did she think that her or Kakashi might die. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She assumed she had all the time in the world to gather the courage to tell him. Now it felt like she had run out of time, and they might never get the chance to see each other again. The chakra signatures around them were just too strong to guarantee they would live against their blows. It felt like this was her final chance. 
She started again, “Kakashi, I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he asked, wanting to hurry this along. She could see plainly that this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t in the right mind to hear her words, or comprehend the meaning behind them. Instead, she lowered her head and sighed. 
And so she kept that secret tightly bound deep in her heart. 
“Nevermind, it’s not important. Just be safe out there. Make it back to me in one piece, okay?”
“You know I can’t promise that,” he replied, and her heart sank in her chest. He was right. If he died, he died. If she died, she died. Nothing could stop fate from doing its dirty work.
“Just promise me. Give me some confidence before we jump into this mess. I-I can’t do this without you promising me you’ll live!” She cried, passion and fear dripping off her words. She had her eyes shut tightly at this point, just trying to keep herself from letting the potential tears gather in her eyes. Her fists clenched by her side as well. “Just say something!”
He nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “I promise I’ll make it back to you, Y/N. Now promise you’ll live. For me,” he demanded, lifting her head to face him. His fingers were strong against her cheek, firm when faced with danger. He wanted her to live, but knowing that Pain killed Jiraiya was enough to make him worry and plan for the worst. 
Why was he even asking? He knew that words meant nothing. That most promises were just bound to be empty. 
Just this one time, he prayed that she’d keep it.
“I promise.”
“Now let’s go. I’ll take this side, and you go that way. Sounds like explosions came from both directions.”
“Got it.”
There was no room for goodbyes.
After that, they went their separate ways. Y/N had to keep herself from losing control. Everything was going to be okay. She was worrying far too much. Kakashi was strong. Stronger than anyone else she knew really. He couldn’t be taken down by some terrorists. It wasn’t an option.
As long as she could sense his chakra lingering in the distance, she would know. 
__________
It was painful, the wound that tore through her thigh. Blood dripped thickly from the cut, but she continued to fight. In this situation, there was nothing else to do, nothing more to fight for than the safety of the village and the people within it. Y/N has never seen a villain this bad, someone so dead set on killing and tormenting that it brought the shinobi of the village to their knees. Yet, here he was, this orange haired creature who popped up at multiple points of their city, each with a different signature move yet a similar chakra pattern.
Y/N knew she couldn’t break down just yet, not after seeing comrade after comrade fall to the ground and lose their lives to the cause. She had to keep going for them. For her friends and her family who died. She was never the most talented at fighting, she was more of a sensory type, stay on the inside and study type of kunoichi. But not today. No one had that luxury today.
Constantly, she could feel the loss of the ninja alongside her, their chakra signatures melting into nothing as blasts continued to ravage their village. The fire within their bodies burned for the last time, disappearing into the ashes.
It wasn’t until she was on her knees, face buried in the dirt and rubble did she really feel the pain this man was so desperate to bestow upon the villagers. Kakashi’s chakra had burned out. It was as if her body gave up after that. She couldn’t move, her bones were broken and she couldn’t afford to stand and fall back down once again, believe it that she tried over and over again. Nothing mattered at this point. How could it? She couldn’t feel her best friend’s chakra signature any longer. He was dead.
Her crying into the dirt was the only thing that signalled another shinobi to come and help her to the infirmary. Someone she barely knew had picked her up by the arm and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging her by his side to the hospital where the medical nin were no doubt working harder than ever. Her whole body felt like it was caked in bloody crimson mud, dust up her nose and muk between her teeth. 
Everything just made her cry harder and harder until she felt she was gasping to breathe. 
The harsh lights in the building did nothing but sting her eyes, and the dozens of medical nin rushing around those lying on the floor overwhelmed her. 
Sakura stood at the front of all the mess, and her eyes immediately caught onto Y/N and her rescuer. “Y/N-sensei, what happened to you?” she cried, rushing over with her frantic hands hovering over the state of the broken woman as she scanned for the wounds. This only caused more sobbing.
“One second she was fine, the next she was lying in the dirt screaming. I don’t know,” the man said, handing her off to the pink haired girl. “She’s got broken legs, I know that.”
“Thank you for bringing her,” she mumbled as she brought her sensei over to an empty cot, sitting her down on the cloth and beginning the healing process on the worst part of her leg where the bone was exposed. She was shaking so badly it was almost hard to concentrate on her work. She’d never seen Y/N so hopeless and lost. She was strong, she never faltered in the face of danger. It worried Sakura, no doubt.
“Sensei, what happened?”
“It’s Kakashi,” the woman croaked between her harsh breaths. “I-I can’t feel his chakra anymore.” Tears ran down her cheeks furiously, dripping from her chin into her lap. She felt the hopelessness overtake her entire person, the only thing left being complete and utter fear. Her chest heaved, desperate for the next gulp of air into her lungs. 
Sakura nearly faltered at the words. Kakashi sensei, dead? How could that be? He was one of the strongest shinobi they knew. He would never fall victim to a villain, would he? From the sounds of Y/N’s heartbroken cries, the medical nin knew that it was over. That another life had been stolen from them. 
Kakashi was Y/N’s heart and soul. She loved him for years and planned to love him for many more. Everyone knew that. Kakashi and her may have never acknowledged their feelings before his death, but the skinny love lingered in the air every time they were around each other. 
The longing looks when they passed each other in the street. The pain they felt when the other was hurt. The smiles they shared when something good happened in their no-good shinobi lives. They were more than willing to lay their lives on the line for the other, more than just a comrade, more than a friend. 
Her passion for Kakashi was the only good thing she had to come home to after missions. His face was the one thing she wanted to see after a bad day. His stupid face as he read his perverted novels, that grin that she positively adored.
All of that was gone, and her heart couldn’t take it. The pain from her injuries sat in the back of her mind, the only thing she could focus on was the loss. Knowing she would never see him again, never hear his voice. If only she could hear him laugh one more time. It was impossible, but she wished to the heavens above for mercy.
Sadly, no one was there to listen. 
“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, not knowing what else to say. What could she say? 
“I need him. I can’t do this without him,” she sobbed, her hands shaking by her side, having to clench her fists just to stop the tremors. “Sakura, it’s been 15 years. I...I don’t know a life without him.”
Her heart broke at the words. It was true. She didn’t know life anymore without Kakashi. They’d been friends and comrades for so long that it seemed like that was all she knew. How can you come back from that? Sakura didn’t know. She might be able to heal the woman’s legs, but there was no way she could begin to heal such a broken heart. 
“It’s okay. You have plenty of others. You have Gai and Kurenai and-”
“Fuck everyone else. You know they can’t replace him,” she snapped. “No one can replace him.”
Sakura could only nod solemnly. They could lie all day and pretend that Gai would somehow swoop in and make up for that gaping hole in her heart. They could lie and say that Kurenai and her child would fill Y/N with a happiness she felt with Kakashi. Yes, they could certainly lie about it all. 
At the end of the day though, her pain would be unrivalled. Losing the one man you’ve loved from the moon and back. It would take an entire army and then some to combat such a struggle. 
When Sakura was done healing the woman, she handed her a roll of bandages from her pocket. “I’ve got to tend to others. Wrap this around your calf and then stay here to rest. Please, just rest yourself, sensei. You’ll heal faster that way.” Y/N took the bandages and nodded her head weakly, shaky hands going to wrap her bare and burned calf with the medical bandages.
Her mind still centered around Kakashi. She found herself curling up into a ball on the little bench she was sat at, hugging her knees close to her chest. She just cried. Right now, she couldn’t do anything else. 
Just cry.
________
The village was in complete and utter ruin. Y/N lay painfully utop a mountain of rubble, blood oozing from the back of her head and from her already injured leg. Pain’s final attack, one that completely demolished the village...it spared her life.
How could things get any fucking worse? 
She felt like the Gods were being especially cruel to her on this day. Especially cruel to every single person in the village, but they kept Y/N alive for their own personal amusement, laughing at her loss and her pain and her  frustration. 
Despite Lady Tsunade sending out Katsuyu to protect the villagers, Y/N only seemed to be in worse shape than before. She could feel the slug on her shoulder slowly healing her, but it wasn’t much compared to the pain and the numerous injuries.
Y/N rolled onto her side and groaned, pain shooting up her spine and giving her a brain-shattering headache. When she went to cough on something thick and slimy in her throat, what splattered on the ground was red. Maybe she was just meant to die slow and painfully. 
It was better this way, she decided. Nothing could make this day worth it. Nothing. The pain was unbearable.
“Y/N? Is that you?” a feminine voice called from a little while away, and the woman cursed, spitting up more blood as she did so. Sakura climbed through some of the rubble to approach her. Her hands hovered over the woman’s broken body, scanning over all her wounds. 
Naruto was down there fighting Pain. Everything was going to be okay as long as they had faith in the Uzumaki. Sakura could focus a bit of her energy on healing her sensei. There was nothing else to do except watch the fight below them, in the center of the wasteland that used to be the Hidden Leaf.
She began the healing process, medical chakra flowing into the woman’s chest wounds, the most critical of all. “Sakura…”
“What is it, Y/N?”
“What’s happening? Is everyone dead?”
“No, everyone is alive. Lady Tsunade sent out Katsuyu to protect everyone. It seems that you were injured before your healing slug could get to you. Thankfully, you have both of us to fix you up,” she muttered. Y/N would have been blind to not notice the way Sakura stared past her deeper into the wreckage as she spoke. 
“What do you see?” she asked quietly, as loud as her body could muster.
“It’s Naruto. He’s out there fighting Pain alone,” she said, “He-he’s gotten so much stronger.”
The older woman smiled through her pain, shutting her eyes and letting a soft sigh leave her lips. She hadn’t anticipated Naruto to come saving the day, in fact, it seemed more likely that Pain would kill everyone and leave the village in ruin. Fortunately, Kakashi’s student, the one that people had underestimated for so long, was out there doing what the rest of them couldn’t. 
A hero. No matter if he won or not, these are the actions of a hero.
“It’s his destiny: to save this village,” she whispered. “Jiraiya once said so.”
“Let’s hope he was right.”
Together they lay there in the middle of ruin while Naruto battled Pain. They watched as the two men launched themselves away from the village into the woods, the nine tailed fox coming to life far away from where they huddled together. The village was safe from direct harm at this point and the two women let down their guard just a little bit. Down in the middle of the pit some of the students started to gather, including a heavily injured Hinata.
“Help me down there, Sakura. I need to see Gai,” she said, louder than before. After all that time healing, she found herself strong enough to prop up on her elbows and gaze into the destruction. 
Once down there, Sakura was quick to start healing Hinata, fearing that the girl had taken too much damage to handle. After all, she charged against Pain, the supposedly leader of this terrorist attack. All of that to help out young Naruto. Y/N felt like she was staring at an image of herself for a moment. A young woman ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of the man she loved. 
As her eyes moved around the area, she caught onto the bright green outfit of her long time friend. His eyes caught hers for a moment and quickly, he rushed over to her side. She collapsed onto her knees, wincing at the pain that ran through her body as she did so. She found herself still a bit too weak to stand. 
“Y/N, you’re alive,” he gasped. He knelt on the ground beside her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaky form. “Your injuries-”
“Forget about that, Gai,” she mumbled. “Something terrible has happened.” He couldn’t imagine what she had to say could be any worse than the destruction of the entire village. But he nodded and sat there listening as she spoke her words carefully, painfully with each syllable that left her lips. “Kakashi is dead.”
He felt his heart drop in his chest. As he looked at the woman before him, he knew that she wanted nothing more to cry, yet there were no tears. He assumed that she had already cried her fill earlier and could only mourn at this point. He didn’t ask before wrapping her smaller form up in his arms and tugging her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder, dry sobs causing her entire form to quiver.
In a moment like this one, he just remained still for her. Sit there and be there through this pain. He felt crushed at the thought of his best friend dead, his eternal rival somewhere out there in all that rubble fatally injured. Gai had lost a brother that day, and Y/N had lost her one and only lover.
He listened as she hopelessly bawled in the comfort of his arms, feeling every bit of her pain sink into his form. They had gone through battles together before, they grew up teammates and friends, how could they not. They had seen death and pain all their lives. This was on another level, incomprehensible to either of them. 
Pure misery. Every emotion seemed to burn in her chest. She wanted to curl up and die herself.
________
It felt like hours went by before the lives were returned. She hadn’t thought much of it when the elderly Toad woke up from his eternal slumber. For a moment, she thought it was just a fluke. That he had never really died in the first place, they just thought he did. But then, she watched as people above the trench started to stand from their resting places on the ground and in the rubble. 
That is when she realized that somehow, someway, the lives lost during this terrible battle had been reclaimed. It was only a matter of time before she found out if Kakashi had come back to life as well. She sat there, focusing all her energy into sensing nearby chakra, sorting through hundreds of people for the one she wanted. 
Gai had left to help out some of the others, so she just sat there waiting. Waiting for Kakashi to come back to her. Just like he promised.
After all this chaos, she couldn’t imagine keeping her love a secret from him any longer. He needed to know. She wouldn’t let this opportunity go wasted. Y/N was given a second chance at finding love in her friend, and she would be damned if she let that go to waste. 
After a while, she began to feel his chakra. At first it was very faint, like he was a mile away hidden underneath rocks and everything else you could imagine. But then it got stronger. 
He was alive.
When she saw his form climb down into the pit with the rest of them, his mask torn and only the bottom layer of his clothes still intact, she nearly cried once again. For hours before this, she was prepared to never see him alive again, never see that masked face look down upon hers once more. She had mourned the loss of Kakashi Hatake, only for him to be returned. 
It was as if the God’s had listened to her prayers.
“Kakashi!” she exclaimed as she struggled to get herself up from the ground. She knelt on one knee, pushing herself up with the other, desperate to walk over to him. Her body failed her of course, and she fell back onto her butt. He noticed her though, her tiny figure in the crowd of hundreds. She was the one person he wanted to find all along. 
He fell onto his knees beside her, his hands coming up to grasp her cheeks with his dusty, calloused hands. She relaxed into his rough fingers, sinking into the warmth that he was sharing. His thumbs slid along her lips and chin, trying to rub away the dirt that was caked in some places. She was a mess, messier than he was. He could only imagine the suffering that she went through as well, to have survived all of that without death as a retreat in the middle.
“Y/N, what happened to you?”
“Pain’s final blow caused some pretty bad wounds, but it’s fine. Sakura healed me enough that I’ll make it through,” she told him. Softly, she lifted her hands to place them over top his, her fingers slowly wrapping around his. “Kakashi, you broke your promise to me.”
“I know.”
She found that the words came out faster than she anticipated. Emotions and feelings being laid out in the open for him to see/ “I-I completely lost myself when I couldn’t feel your chakra anymore. I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was angry at you for breaking your promise to me,” she rambled, “I didn’t know what I was gonna do without you.”
“It’s alright. I’m here now. Whatever Naruto has done saved my life,” he soothed, letting their hands fall into her lap. She wouldn’t let go of his hands even if he wanted them to himself. She was afraid. Afraid that if she let him go once more that he would be gone forever. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I really shouldn’t have died like that. So irresponsible of me.”
There he was cracking a fucking joke about his own death. She wanted to smack him for being so dimwitted in a moment of vulnerability. Just the thought of being with him again made tears spring up in her eyes, and she shut her eyes to keep them from falling. Happy tears or not, she wasn’t going to cry again.
 “I need to tell you what I was too afraid to say before. What I wanted to say before we went our separate ways,” she confessed, her breaths coming out harsh and rushed. Once again, she gripped his hands tighter in hers. 
After taking a couple breaths, she lifted her eyes to meet his, mouth just agape. He really was all she could ever need. This moment wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was just right for what she needed to say. “I’ve always loved you, Kakashi.”
“Y/N-”
“Listen, I know it’s not exactly an appropriate time to be confessing my love to you and all, but I couldn’t risk another day going by without telling you.”
“I love you, too.”
And silence. 
There wasn’t anything else to say. The love was mutual, it had been all this time. They just took their time getting around to admitting it, to just hear those words leave the other’s lips for the first time. There were no butterflies in her stomach nor did her heart race in her chest at his confession. 
She could only feel comfort in the umbrella they’d created for themselves, the outside world lost to the both of them. 
In a flash, she lurched forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face deep into his neck. “Don’t die ever again, Hatake, or I’ll kick your ass,” she laughed, the sound of her laugh reaching his ear. He held her to his chest and sighed. 
“No promises.”
Despite what happened that day, he felt comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt relief wash over him. Everything was going to be okay.
“Kakashi!”
Requests Are Open!
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jojoboisimagines · 4 years ago
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Snippets Ch.4 : Johnny and Josuke (4) with the Same Crush (3)
Previous Chapter
A set of multiple drabbles/oneshots combining characters (i.e Jojos) from multiple parts and AUs.
.::.
"That guy...do you think--" Josuke started.
"That's their boyfriend? No idea." Johnny quickly answered, trying to play it off as if he didn't care.
It was quite the opposite. He may have cared too much.
To say Johnny was jealous was an understatement. But it seemed like Josuke was feeling some of the heat too, seeing you hanging out with some guy and proceeding to talk about him with Josuke when the two of you went to lunch the other day.
Josuke was still in the dark about Johnny’s own crush on you, which was a relief for the jockey, but it was hell for him, having to be afraid of either guy winning you over first.
He just needed to muster up the courage to talk to you again, but it was a lot more difficult than he thought it’d be. You two always seemed to be busy when the other wasn’t. Of course he still had Gyro (and occasionally Josuke and Hot Pants) to keep him company, but he missed you.
The little spat the cousins had was forgotten for a while. They didn’t exactly apologize to each other, but just starting to talk normally again was enough sign there was no hard feelings. The younger teen was still very confused about Johnny’s intentions that day.
‘ Was he trying to be a good role model or was he just mad I was leaving him at home?’ he thought. It didn’t really matter to him anymore, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned about what Johnny must’ve been thinking, and if he still did feel that way.
They sat at a small table on the far side of the kitchen. Josuke, looking rather bored, held his head on his palm, while Johnny was playing on their shared Switch. Or at least, was pretending to be after Josuke brought up the subject.
“Hey, can I ask you an honest question?” The Japanese teen breaks the icy silence once again.
Johnny merely raises an eyebrow with a low ‘hm’ that was barely audible. His heart silently raced thinking of what the boy sitting across from him had on his mind to ask.
“(y/n)...how long have you known them?” 
A simple enough question to start off with, Josuke thought. Yet Johnny’s lips still pursed.
“Uh...about half a year now. We got really close in that time I’d say.” That last part wasn’t even to get a rise out of Josuke, he just genuinely thought so. He really cared about you, romantically or not.
Meanwhile, Josuke had only known you for the duration of the summer, which was about to end in a couple of weeks. Perhaps if he’d beg Johnny to let him stay he’d have more time to bond with you, but there was also the issue of him feeling homesick from time to time.
God, if he could take you back to Morioh with him..it’d be like a dream come true.
They both had quickly forgotten about whatever guy Josuke was referring to earlier, mixed up in their own thoughts about their relationship with you. Besides, he had only ever seen the guy once, there was no way you’d switch up on him that quickly.
He had no dates or anything planned with you like he usually does, though. Not that he didn’t want to spend time with you, he just felt as if he was coming off as a little...clingy.
Higashikata had been trying to drop hints that he liked you, such as buying you things, having heart-to-heart conversations as he’d walk you home, calling you pet names, and ending his goodnight texts with a little heart emoji. He considered himself a romantic, but when it came to your reactions, you kinda brushed them off platonically. Perhaps you’d never been flirted with before?
His texts were still frequent, making sure you were having a good day and all, but he figured maybe he should start being a little more risky..
“What do you like about (y/n) anyways?” Johnny asked.
There was a pause for a couple of seconds, before Josuke scooted back in his chair and got up from the table, intending to retreat to his room for a couple of hours.
“The same things you do, probably.”
.::.
“Ow! Gyro, what the hell was that for?!”
“Because, idiota, you need to confess already.” He hovers over Johnny like a judgmental parent.
Josuke had left the house to get some groceries, and in that time, the jockey called Gyro over. Not for advice specifically, but that's what it had eventually turned into. Sitting on the floor of Johnny’s room (where it was painfully easy to find porn magazines, Gyro won’t let that go as long as the two of them live).
“Like seriously, this is getting embarrassing to watch, just do it already.” The Italian pointed a finger at his friend. “Sooner or later you’re gonna do the thing where you get the girl drunk and then sleep with her regardless of feelings.”
“Ugh, I’m not like that anymore Gyro!” Johnny folds his arms with a pout his friend knows all too well at this point. “I’ve never committed to anyone before, so of course this is a little more awkward for me than it is for anyone else, you know this!” 
Indeed he did know. It was somehow one of the things they always ended up talking about.
“Listen, I know how this is gonna end. Its gonna end with you in this same room, bunched up in several blankets, listening to Fleetwood Mac on repeat with 3 pizza boxes to make yourself feel better.”
The American scoffs.
Gyro sits upright on his bed. “I’m right. Look, this gal means a lot to you, I know. I’ve seen it. You’ve never stared at someone with such a…not hateful look in your eye.” It was half a joke, half truth. “And I don't wanna see you sad, so you’re just gonna have to pull yourself up, grow some steel balls, and ask them out. For real. For both of our sakes at this point.”
Johnny rolls his eyes. “Wow, Gyro wants me to be with a girl? Pigs must be flying.”
“You are so not funny.” The Italian’s teeth flashes for a moment as he scowls.
“Alright, since you’re such a casanova, why don’t you tell me what to say to them?” At this rate, there was really no other choice for Joestar to take. He could ask Hot Pants, but knew she would give him similar advice.
“Nyo-ho! I’ll show ya! All you gotta do is gimme your phone.”
As soon as the word ‘gimme’ was uttered, the jockey clutched his phone as if it was a baby. The last few times he lended his friend his phone, it didn’t go so well.
Gyro would’ve snorted if he wasn’t serious about this.
“Come onnn! It--”
“Won’t go like the last three times, right? Fat chance.”
“Just hurry and hand it over before I tackle you!”
The larger man did that far too much already, much to Johnny’s dismay. Once Gyro had him in a headlock, there was no getting out of it. He defeatedly raised his phone up to the man for him to take.
“If you ruin anything, I’m doing the same thing to you, AND taking your damn horse.” The Italian waved him off as if he was merely an angry toddler. As he typed, Johnny tried to peer over and see, but his friend was too adamant on turning side to side so he couldn’t. The expressions Gyro was making wasn’t a good sign either. First confused, then mischievous, then looking a little too proud of himself. The jockey’s hands could start sweating at any moment from the sheer anxiety this was giving him.
“Aaaaaand done! There we go, all set!”
Johnny reached for his phone as soon as the words left his mouth, unapologetically in a snatching manner to immediately read the text sent.
::‘Hey This is Johnny darling. Hope your day has been as beautiful as your smile. I was wondering if you’re free tomorrow by 12pm. I have something very important to tell you. See you soon xoxo.’::
Alright, so it wasn’t as bad as he thought itd be (not nearly as bad as the time Gyro dared him to send a ‘send nudes’ text to you) but god, it would look suspiciously out of character for you to see. He can’t even remember the last time he typed ‘darling’ instead of ‘darlin’ and actually bothered to punctuate his texts. And who even used ‘xoxo’ anymore?
His friend looked at him with a big grin, waiting for his reaction. A slightly more pure smile than if he were waiting for Johnny to get a joke.
“Soooo what do you think? You gotta pick some nice clothes out for your date.”
The shorter man sighs.
“Its...passable.”
.::.
 Josuke got home a little later than he expected. He was surprised to see there was still Prince CDs in stock at the store. Thats one of the perks of coming to America, he guessed. He was more than ready to put them into one of Johnny’s old CD players he had found. It was already hard for him to listen to pretty much anything without thinking of you. At least if it was Prince specifically, it would help him feel better and he could jam out to it.
Finally finding the track he wanted, he grinned, letting the music play out loud and hopping on his bed. It was a good few minutes before he had started getting that feeling in his gut again.
..Crap, this wasn’t helping either.
The teen felt that he couldn’t endure this much longer. Love was something he took very seriously and to be so unsure about your relationship just made him feel funny. He had to at least know for sure if the both of you were on the same page. Josuke was sick of being so anxious about it.
Josuke laid down flat on his back, pulling his phone out.
“You know what? I’m gonna ask them out.”
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batarangsoundsdumb · 4 years ago
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yet another ask dump yeehaw!
do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?
sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.
Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.
barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'
john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,
Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen
thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien
AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls
uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background
Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla
wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?
young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman
tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'
Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)
uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.
in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)
yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.
Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )
as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.
Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan
listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude
Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?
everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.
why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people
what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨
Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes
well that's a you problem isn't it?
do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?
he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.
holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!
i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird
Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.
Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.
uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho
your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.
actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)
This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )
because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.
Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing
well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.
The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2
oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.
I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)
okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.
The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that
also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson
Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks
because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)
About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.
i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.
Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)
i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck
Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)
fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)
How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot
i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)
So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)
aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!
The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌
i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids
as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️
thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)
In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"
this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"
honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?
gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.
why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family
bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)
Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy
why would say something so controversial yet so brave.
my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context
dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position
tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000
dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'
dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it
I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok
i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.
Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk
bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism
you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy
like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.
ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE
thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.
in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman
absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.
need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes
yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days
oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit
okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)
I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free
cw is jared, 19
do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it
uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club
Wait how many languages do you speak??
uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.
You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty
okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.
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zkfanworkweek · 4 years ago
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ZFAW Fan Content Creator Interviews: HayleyNFoster
Hey everyone! We hope you’re all excited for ZFAW, and to honor (ha!) ZFAW’s commitment to supporting and celebrating fan content creators in the Zutara fandom, we’re going to be rolling out a series of interviews with well-known and widely-beloved content creators over the next few weeks. We’ve got artists and fanfiction authors, some names you recognize as well as a few phenomenal up-and-coming talents, and we can’t wait for you to meet them all!
For the second interview in this cycle, we have our best propaganda creator and this fandom’s hottest new artist/undisputed queen of the animatic, @hayleynfoster!
1. Tell us about how you came to ship Zutara. What does this ship mean to you?
When I was around 14 or 15 and caught Avatar: The Last Airbender on television, I was drawn in by the art style, the humor, and the wonderful characters. I caught the episodes out of order, and the first one I saw and wasn’t prepared to be sucked in by was The Waterbending Scroll. It intrigued me at that age, and the line “I’ll save you from the pirates” combined with the tension between Katara and Zuko in that whole scene was electrifying. I remember my teenage self thinking these two have so much chemistry! And when I saw a commercial on Nickelodeon that featured fanart submitted by fellow Avatar fans, I realized that I could do that to! So I set about making Zutara fanart for myself. I stumbled onto Youtube, practically in its infancy, and discovered that people set clips of Zuko and Katara set to music (And this was still in season 1 days… so people who made these amvs were the real mvps because they were able to make compelling narratives in their amvs with like practically nothing to work with!). The AMVs really spurred my interest in this couple, I remember distinctly one Zutara AMV using the Dido song White Flag utterly capturing my imagination. I found fandom shortly after, getting into deviantart and forums. But the ship really began to mean something to me when, as I was working on my drawings in the computer lab at school, a buoyant presence hovered over my shoulder noticing my Zutara art on the computer screen. The girl was someone I had never really talked to and had only seen from afar but she immediately started excitedly saying she shipped Zuko and Katara too! In this simple shared obsession, I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had and we’re still friends to this day. We would theorize and fangirl over Avatar like it was nobody’s business; we poured over bootleg San Diego Comic Con footage that showed spoilers for season 2 before it aired; we lost our freaking minds when we finally saw The Crossroads of Destiny. We had watch parties every week as Season 3 of A:TLA aired, and comforted each other when the show ended as it did (much ranting was shared). Those are some of my happiest memories from high school… all because this one pairing from this wonderful show. Even though Zutara didn’t happen, we still chat every now and then about it. Zutara will probably be a lifelong obsession, always bubbling under the surface. And without it, I would have never realized that animation was a viable career path. It really did inspire everything including the work I’m doing to this day in the animation industry. I owe a lot to this ship and to Avatar: the Last Airbender.
2. What inspires you to create zutara fanworks?
The resurgence of Avatar: The Last Airbender this year really helped sort of spark that dormant love I had for Zutara. The show’s ending still disappointed me on the rewatch, but Zuko and Katara’s relationship arc was as captivating as ever, so I turned to some fanfiction and looking at people’s pretty Zutara art and AMVs to just revel in fanon instead of getting to hung up on the actual ending of the show. But then I realized, with quarantine and my work load being pretty light, I had time to actually make all new Zutara art for myself, art I was never fully capable of making as a kid, but now could do with my 7 years of industry experience and just… life experience. And I was inspired to do some corrective animatics to satisfy my own desire for a different ending. I just really like exploring these two characters, doing different and interesting things with them, and frankly I’m inspired to make cute, fluffy, romantic art simply by virtue of living in a really sad and depressing world. Things are so crazy right now, creating art about two characters I love being in love, is comforting. And it helps to have inspiring music and amazing Zutara amvs to just sort of stir up my emotions and imagery in my head to make into animatics and art.
3. Be selfish - if you could request one fanwork based on your own art/fanfic, what would it be? What would you absolutely love to see someone create?
Ohhhh… Well, It’s always nice to have people write fanfiction that puts words to my animatics. I am not that great at coming up with dialog myself, so I’ve just chosen to indulge in visuals and emotions for my boards. But when I read things like RideBoldlyRide’s take on my Reunion Animatic, it makes me pretty giddy. (They finally have voices!) :) And this is the MOST selfish thing I could request, but I’m not shy about saying how much I love well done amvs, so I will literally kill for someone to make Zutara AMVs to songs I like… Like, most of AURORA’s songs but especially Exist for Love, Sunseeker by The Naked and Famous, Promises or Take Me by Aly & AJ, Adore You by Harry Styles, Human Enough by ONR, Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine, and/or Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier just… I can see the AMVs so clearly to any of these songs in my head, but I don’t have the tools or skill set at my disposal to make a compelling fan video. When I was in high school, I originally thought I wanted to go into video editing simply because I loved making very crappy AMVs (they were so bad you guys), but I figured out being a storyboard artist was more in my wheelhouse. haha
4. Any words for people who are new to the fandom and/or nervous about sharing their work for the first time?
If you’re new to the Zutara fandom, just have a good time! Don’t waste too much time arguing with people over your shipping preferences. I wasted so much of my teen years having pointless shipping wars with people on DeviantArt, and I’m just so much happier nowadays because I’m just making Zutara art in my little corner of the internet, and honestly, in the politest of ways, I don’t give a shit if people don’t like my art or Zutara. haha I think that’s sort of a key thing for people thinking of posting creative works here in the fandom, just make art for yourself, satisfy your own desires for the pairing, get your creative sparks flying, and create just for the joy of creating. It’s always nice to get comments and such, but simply making the art should be what spurs you on, not the external validation. And have a good time, don’t worry too much - I say as someone who worries about EVERYTHING. But honestly, making art for A:TLA is some of the most relaxed I’ve been because I make it just for me. I’m lucky others seem to like it too!
5. What’s an idea for a fanwork that you have but haven't gotten around to making?
I have an idea for a second generation storyline with my Zutara kids that involves Kya (the eldest firebending daughter) falling in love with an airbender boy (tentatively named Gora in my headcanon who’s a bit of a rabble rouser and one of Aang’s kids he had with a Kyoshi Warrior), and then they start a socialist revolution in the Fire Nation in order to dismantle all of the hierarchical societies across the Avatar world… Together Kya and Gora Fan the Flames of revolution… ehhhhh... Get it?? Oh! Oh, and then Katara, who had put in legit liberal reforms in her time as Fire Lady listens to her daughter after resisting in the first part of the story, but then realizes she can actually play a part in the dissolution of the royalty and is also active in the revolution realizing that moderate liberal reforms are no substitute for a society free of serving royalty (which she had always been uncomfortable with but had rationalized with herself that she was doing good in her capacity as Fire Lady.) I just feel like there’s a lot of cool potential for discussing these ideas and also having some aspirational change in the Avatar world. lol For aesthetics and just happy fluffy times, I can indulge in Fire Lady and Fire Lord Zuko stuff, but really at the end of the day, I take issue with the structures in a society that have to exist for monarchies to exist. Soooo, I kind of want to do my own corrective story for that… if I ever have the time or guts. On a less ambitious note, I would love to do a Zutara sparring animatic to practice doing action, but I need a good story; I am not good at doing fights just for fighting’s sake. Those are just some things I have rattling around in my head.  
6. Are you participating in ZFAW? If so want to give us a hint as to your plans?
Yes! The most I can say is I have one animatic almost finished and one that’s still being thumbnailed. The rest are probably going to be comics or emotive single pieces based on the fanfics I really like right now. :)
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nakedmossy · 5 years ago
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hiii, i saw that ur request are open soooo, i was thinking something with the reader an jj, something like they both have feeling for each other but they never say it out loud, and one day reader hears jj talking to jb about how he cant relly see any type of dating, sooOo she ignores him for a while and it ends kinda fluffly o smutty or smutty fluffy and shit if u dont mind ofc :)
DAMN. LOVE THIS REQUEST. HECK YEAH!! Tried to keep this under 2k words and just *could not* so please enjoy this 3k word vomit. Love you!
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“I’m living for the thrill, man. You know how I do. Dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies.”
You heard JJ over the sound of the music blaring from inside the Chateau as you jogged up the steps, swinging your backpack off and throwing it on the porch sofa before pushing through the screen door.
“Hey, Y/N” John B waved at you as you entered the kitchen.
You threw a peace sign up and said ‘hey’ as you pulled a chair out and put your feet up to rest on the seat beside you. You hadn’t sat down since 6am when your shift at the docks had started and your feet were killing you. Your yellow vans had dirt on the side so you leaned forward to wipe it off as JJ pulled his head out of the fridge.
“Ah, m’Lady. For you” He tossed a beer at you, you tipped it at him in a ‘cheers’ as you both cracked your cans at the same time. “And how is our fair dock maiden on this beautiful day” He smiled at you like he had smiled at you a million times before, but softer, and like he was seeing you in a new dress.
You smiled at him and chuckled, you could smell the pot lingering on his shirt from here and his goofy grin always gave you butterflies. The sun coming through the window illuminated his soft golden hair and made his bare chest look even more defined and chiselled.
“Good” You said after swallowing your mouthful of beer, closing your eyes and leaning back in your chair.
“Anyways, as I was saying, it’s going to be an absolute and solid banger, my dude.” JJ resumed his conversation with John B while lifting your feet off the chair beside you and sitting down, placing your legs on his lap. “We’re going to be running away from girls by the end of the night, I promise you.” He started drawling circles on your ankles and playing with your shoelace. Your heart was fluttering.
You perked up at his comment, opening your eyes and looking from him to John B curiously.
“What are you two conspiring now” You prodded, taking another drink of your beer.
“Kegger. Tonight. The Bone Yard. You coming?” JJ looked over at you and smiled, his eyes soft. You swore you felt him outline a heart on your skin.
“Wouldn’t miss it” You said half-heartedly. You knew what this would turn out to be – you would have fun at the beginning of the night, then would spend the rest of the night watching JJ pick up touron girls and fully embrace his lifestyle of being an adolescent womanizer. It was a pattern.
You pulled your legs off him and stood up to walk to the washroom. While you were washing your hands you heard the usual lull of conversation drop and their voices become quieter. Your stomach fluttered, you felt like they were trying to be quiet on purpose. You pressed your ear to the door and listened intently, hearing John B say something about eventually needing to stop running after anything with boobs and a mouth. JJ’s voice was still quiet but you clearly heard him say “that’s not me bro. I’m not settling down, as if there’s anything to settle down for here.”
You felt your face get hot and your stomach drop. There it was. The confirmation you had been dreading but fully expecting for months. You had felt a connection with JJ since you had started spending more time together last summer, and throughout the entire school year you had felt like you guys had been clicking. Of course you had been hopeful he felt the same way, you hadn’t pushed it or asked. But you also knew what kind of guy JJ was, as much as it pained you to admit it. Of course he would never settle for a girl like you.
You cleared your throat as you opened the door and flicked the light off. When you rounded the corner, the boys sat back in their chairs again and kept chirping off about the party later. You barely said anything, just walked past the table and out the door where you saw Kie pulling up in her car. You grabbed your backpack off the couch and practically ran down the steps. You heard JJ call your name from inside the house but didn’t turn around.
“Kie” You said with a dramatic exhale when she got out of her car, grinning brightly at you. “Save me”
“What’s the haps my little sunflower” She lifted her sunglasses off her face on top of her head and put her arm around your shoulder, about to guide you back inside. You planted your feet and mustered the best begging face you could.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, take me away from here. I can’t sit there and listen to JJ talk about all the ‘fine ass’ he plans to tap tonight. Kie smiled sheepishly and poked a finger into your stomach.
“Girl. You know he only does that to make you jealous.”
Kie had known about your crush on JJ for years, but had promised to not say or do anything under fear of death. You shook your head at her and looked at your feet.
“Nah, Kie... I heard him….I heard him talking to John B when I was in the bathroom.”
“And?”
“And he literally said there is nothing here for me to settle down for. What more proof do I need?”
Kie’s face fell and she tilted her head, watching you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. Just come inside for a bit. We can get ready for the Kegger together.”
You bit your lip and shook your head, stepping around her. So she wasn’t going to save you then. Of course she just wanted to spend more time with John B, you had noticed how she had started looking at him since he had been threatened with being placed out into foster care.
“Forget it. I’ll see you later.”
“Y/N, wait! Come on!” She yelled, but you just waved your hand behind you and kept walking. You grabbed your bike from the edge of the drive and started down the road.
You heard JJ yell your name from the porch but kept going.
~~~
You arrived at the party an hour late and already drunk. You had pre-drank with one of the girls you worked the docks with, and had done little to get ready aside from taking your hair out of its braid and putting shimmer lotion over your darkly tanned skin. You had opted into wearing a skimpier outfit than you normally would have, but normally you wouldn’t be at a Kegger to pick someone up. Tonight was different. You had had a few hours to drink away your pain over JJ’s comment and come to terms with your new reality – the beer (and your co-worker who was 3 years older than you and known for working more than one job on the island if you catch the meaning) had convinced you it was a good idea to wear short shorts and a tube top (no bra which was weird for you), exposing so much skin your tan lines were visible. You tried as hard as you could to avoid JJ and John B and Kie for the first hour, but eventually Kie wandered over to you and stood with a hand on her hip, a very judgey expression on her face.
“You have a very judgey expression on your face” was all you said to her.
“So first you bail on me at John B’s and then you show up to the Kegger half cut and wearing a napkin as a top. JJ has been looking for you all night and said you kept walking away from him. What the fuck, Y/N?”
You grabbed a fresh beer from the too-young looking junior boy who was operating it and smiled hazily at him. When you looked back at Kie she was watching you like you had two heads.
“I just needed some space.” You said before taking a drink. Swallowing, you continued “it’s not every day you get your heart broken” you said blandly, then smacked your cup into hers and said “cheers” sarcastically before walking off.
~~~
Later in the night, after multiple beers and having seen JJ flirting with at least two different girls who were definitely not local, you stood over by the edge of the beach watching the waves pummel the shoreline rhythmically. That’s when you heard a boy say “you look lonely” from behind you. You spun around and smiled at the tall boy who had jet black hair and a Harvard sweater on. He had sparkling white teeth and dimples, even fairly drunk you could see how attractive and well-built he was.
“Alec” He smiled, stretching his hand out. You took it and loosely squeezed, shifting your weight to a different foot and losing your balance. “Easy there” he smiled, steadying you with his other hand.
“Y/N” You said in an embarrassingly slurred voice. You smiling knowingly and blushed. “Harvard?” You said tamely, pointing your cup hand at his sweater.
He nodded and flicked his hair, smiling. He started to say something but just past him you saw JJ standing next to a crowd, looking over at you. You felt your stomach plummet and your face get hot. He raised his hand to wave, but you stared back blankly. Perfect, this guy will do nicely. You thought and grabbed Alec’s face as he was mid-sentence, pressing your lips to his. He had frozen at first, but had quickly recuperated and started kissing you back, his hands moving to your back and butt. He was either more drunk then he looked, or he was a floozy. Probably the latter, being a Harvard kook.
You got lost in his mouth and his hands and his embrace for a few minutes until you heard someone clear their throat behind you.
“Y/N, time to go, bus is leaving.” The two of you broke apart and looked behind Alec to see JJ standing rather close, his arms crossed over his chest, unimpressed.
“Get lost, kid” Alec said to JJ, looking back at you and ducking his head to kiss you again.
“Seriously, Y/N. Come on.” JJ insisted. You both ignored him. “Alright, Kook. Kindly fuck off now.” JJ slammed his hands onto Alec’s shoulders and pulled him backwards off of you.
Alec spun around to shove JJ and JJ pushed his chest out, standing tall and matching Alec’s tall 6ft stature. They stood face to face, eyeing each other up and down.
“What’s your problem man?” Alec pushed JJ away from him with one hand.
“You’re mackin on my girl is my problem. Beat it!”
Alec looked from JJ back to you and rose his eyebrows before throwing his hands up and walking away muttering “control your girl then man, not my problem.”
“What the fuck, JJ!” You exclaimed, glaring at him. Your mind was still reeling, you hadn’t missed where he had said ‘mackin on my girl’.
“I told you, bus is leaving. You know the rules.”
“I’m not leaving with you.” You said with an ‘as if’ expression on your face. “I’m good. See ya”
You started to walk past him when you felt his arm reach out to block you. He looked over at you with a confused expression and moved to stand in front of you. Your eyebrows shot to 11’s as you stared at him.
“Seriously?” You said with an annoyed tone, trying to shove him out of the way.
“You’re drunk, Y/N. Let’s go.”
“I’m fine, like I said. And I’m not leaving with you, like I said.”
JJ looked equal parts confused and hurt now, but he stood his ground and held his arm out again when you tried to walk around him.
“What’s going on with you?” He said in a quieter tone now, trying to hold eye contact with you. You felt the sensation creeping back into your stomach that you felt so many times last summer and throughout the school year, the butterflies and the adrenaline. “Did you even know that guy?”
“No.” You stood firm and kept your head up. JJ looked at you expectantly and shook his head.
“Then what? What was that?”
“Oh, god JJ seriously? What!” You were raising your voice now. “I’m not allowed to have a little fun too? You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” You felt like you were sobering up slowly, but your words were still slurring lightly.
“What are you talking about?” JJ looked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, sure. Okay JJ. Whatever” You rolled your eyes and took a step back so you could breathe properly again, standing that close to him was suffocating. His eyes were wide and his face was genuinely confused. He opened his mouth to speak but raised his shoulders instead, pleadingly.
“Seriously? God…I heard you, okay? I heard you talking to John B. I heard you say that you weren’t the dating type, that there was nothing here for you to settle for anyways. I got it. Message received. So don’t act confused when I want to move on alright? That fucking hurt, man.”
Once you had finished your shoulders had slumped and you felt deflated. Oh, good lord. You hadn’t meant for the word vomit to come out that fast or at all really. Awesome, well done.
JJ looked taken back, then he looked concerned, then he settled on looking upset. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, turning around for a second before turning back to you, putting his hands on his hips briefly.
“Y/N….” He started, taking a step towards you, but you stepped back and put your hands up.
“It’s fine. I just….forget it.” You said, then a wave of confidence hit you and you perked up, taking a step towards him. “It’s just…we had the best summer, you know? Like, the best summer. And this year was like…the best year I’ve had, ever. And now this. I don’t know, it just sucks.” You watched the shock wash over JJ’s face and felt suddenly guilty. “Forget it, its fine. I don’t know why I expected anything, I know I’m just…me” You looked down at your feet and suddenly felt very dizzy. You swayed on your feet and felt JJ’s hand reach out to steady you. He took a step closer and was directly in front of you now.
“Y/N, hey. Hey” He said until you looked up at him, startled by how close he suddenly was. His face was gentle but firm. He saw your face, probably looking slightly green, and walked you over to a log to sit down. He sat so close to you that your legs were firmly pressed together, he kept a hand on your arm and adjusted his seat to face you more directly.
“You never…said anything.” He said quietly, his eyes on you. “I thought you…ugh”
You looked over at him, embarrassed and fuzzy. Probably blushing. Fantastic. He looked at you with a smile now, newly happy about something.
“What” You poked, confused why he was suddenly in a good mood.
“I mean come on, Y/N. Look at you. You’re….way out of my league.” He was almost laughing.
“What” You said, now squinting to see him better, practically glaring.
“I always just…resigned myself to thinking you would end up with like…I don’t know a pogue Harvard sweater over there” He pointed to the direction Alec had walked off in. “I’m like…a dirty but moderately smart street rat.” He said mildly joking, but you could hear the insecurity undertone.
You felt your chest constricting and your heart pounding. Was he joking? He must be joking. You stared at each other for a few silent moments until you finally broke the tense silence.
“JJ you aren’t even moderately smart if you didn’t notice. I wasn’t that discreet.” You said quietly, looking at your lap again.
You opened your mouth to say that it was fine and you understood but as soon as you started to talk you felt JJ move towards you and lift his hand to your face and then suddenly he was pulling you towards him, kissing you firmly. Your brain and your heart and your chest and your stomach exploded with fire and adrenaline and you could feel your limbs numbing. You had wanted to kiss JJ for so long but now it was happening and you were so drunk and you had made such a fool of yourself and you didn’t know what to do so you kissed him back and tried to enjoy the feeling of his lips on yours. After a few seconds he pulled away and looked at you, then smiled and broke into a grin so big his dimples were practically squishing into his eyes.
You felt so warm and so happy that you melted towards JJ again and kissed him until your lips were sore and the music had died down and you heard someone clearing their throat.
“Bus is actually leaving” Kie smiled at you when you looked over JJ’s shoulder. She winked and walked backwards towards where Pope and John B were gathered, finishing their drinks and whistling.
“No pogue on pogue macking!” Pope shouted over at you, laughing as John B whistled and threw his empty cup towards you, hitting JJ in the arm. JJ waved them off and pulled you into his chest, laughing as the crew started littering a collection of empty cups at the two of you and yipping and hollering. You nuzzled into JJ’s chest, not quite ready for the moment to be over yet, and smiled. Finally.
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hermionegranger56 · 4 years ago
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a v late recap of evermore
so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:
first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go
willow:
god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong
fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”
champagne problems:
oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh
fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD
gold rush:
this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden
fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”
’tis the damn season:
UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.
fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now”; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”
tolerate it:
oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus
fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”
.
no body, no crime:
YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five
fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”
happiness:
I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track
fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”
dorothea:
this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot
fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”
coney island:
ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)
fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”
ivy:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please
fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”
cowboy like me:
ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)
fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”
long story short:
A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!
fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”
marjorie:
ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.
fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”
closure:
ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it
fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”
evermore:
god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful
fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”
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weasleypogues · 5 years ago
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secrets (k.c)
request: I was wondering if could you do a kiara x maybank! reader where no one knows your bi and that you have a crush kiara but one night when everyone's hanging out and you play a game of truth or dare and everyone finds out & jj accepts you but worries about your guys' father finding out, please?🥺
masterlist
thanks for sending this in, i hope u like it!! :) sorry its kinda long and it took long to get to also :/ 
it wasn’t easy keeping a secret this big. you told yourself plenty of times that your friends and brother were the people you trusted the most and that they should know. however, you also couldn’t come to terms with the fact that if any word got back to your father, it was probably over for you and you could say goodbye to the sick excuse of a home. 
you stayed out of the house with your brother jj as much as possible. this meant crashing at friends’ houses, working long hours, or surfing. as long as you weren’t close to what was once your sweet home, you were fine. a lot of the time, you felt bad overwhelming john b’s house with not only one maybank, but two. plus they needed jj and john b needed their bro time from here and there. this usually leads you to stay at kiara’s house. she was your best friend and you were so thankful for everything she’s done for you and the rest of the pogues.
yes, she was your best friend, but no way in hell would you ever feel confident enough to spill your secret to her. you kept a lock on this secret. and that big chain, lock, and thrown away key was guarding the fact that you are bisexual. somewhere in there was a smaller lock that held the secret that you also crushed on your best friend kiara. you knew deep down in your heart--or just really really hoped--that your friends would not judge you and defriend you because you were bi. 
you kind of convinced yourself that if it wasn’t for your father, that you would have felt confident enough and already verbally told everyone that you were bi. you knew that they would never out your sexuality to anyone else that wasn’t in the friend group, but in the climate of living with luke maybank, you could not take even the smallest of chances.
nevertheless, it was a secret within yourself that you still felt sad that you had to keep this part back. within your own conscious, you embraced your sexuality and but you didn’t feel that saying it outloud was worth the bruises from your father. ignorance is bliss? that’s a debateable statement. because was the bliss reserved for your father and his anger, or for yourself and preventing another drop of blood?
you usually ran to one of the places where you found most of your alone time. it was you and your yellow surfboard against the world out in the waves. sometimes you would ride the waves to distract yourself or let off some steam. there were also other times where you’d swim far out and lay on the board to think in privacy which is ironic because you were completely out in the open. 
one of those times were now. you let the waves rock you back and forth as your legs stradled the board and you laid on your stomach with your eyes closed. most of the time, if you were out there lying on your board, it’s because the internal battle with yourself was getting overwhelming. your brain was getting racked with the idea of just telling your friends because you weren’t being fair with yourself and wanted to tell them the truth, finally. 
a voice quickly snapped you out of that trance, “waves not good enough for your surfboard?” after letting out a small yell of fright, you looked over and saw kie. her brown curls cascaded down her back and shoulders, two beaded necklaces hung from her neck, and she coincidentally wore your favorite yellow bathing suit of hers, because it matched your surfboard so well. your face felt warm at the thought that whenever there was a girls day, she would wear that bathing suit when you guys would surf because you said it was your favorite.
“nah, they’re just fine. just needed to disconnect for a little. y’know. the usual.” you gave kie a soft smile and chuckled as you concluded your sentence. your heart fluttered at the thought that she was very keen on eye contact and you felt like she could basically read your mind because of it. 
her head cocked to the side, trying to read your facial expressions. “wanna talk about it?” you gave her a kind smile and shook your head, taking a deep breath in.
“uhm, i don’t even know if there’s much to talk about. it’s kinda all over the place up there.” you responded, pointing to your head. she put her lips in a straight line and nodded, in understanding.
“wanna hit the waves for a little and than go back to john b’s later with me? wasn’t sure if you were coming or not considering you’ve vacated to the waves instead of answering your phone.” kiara teased you, mirroring your position on the surboard. 
“i’m down for that. beat you to the next wave!” you responded with a headstart, swimming with the tide and preapred yourself for the next wave. as you rode with the current that grew larger and larger, you stood up on your surfboard and rode with the wave as you heard cheering from kie behind you. 
a couple of more successful waves between you and kie were concluded and you two were walking towards dry sand as you and your surfboards were dripping wet. “wanna borrow clothes from mine and crash there tonight if we don’t knock out at john b’s?” kiara inquired, throwing her wet hair into a messy bun and loading her surboard in the trunk of her car with the back seats down. 
“works perfectly for me.” you responded, following her lead with placing your own surfboard back there. you looked down and smiled slightly to yourself that the idea that you never felt like this friendship was one sided. sometimes you felt like you would overstay your welcome or bombard her with your constant presence but she insisted all the time that she enjoyed having you around. after wiping the wet sand from your feet, you hopped in her car and made your way back to her house to get changed.
----------
you and your friends sat around a campfire outside, all a little high but just chilling. 
“soooo....truth or dare? but without the dare?” sarah asked, giggling slighty. you heard an erruptions of groans but chuckled to yourself because of the response. 
“so, just truth?” jj questioned in clairfication. john b rolled his eyes.
“that’s exactly what it is.” he answered which earned a light slap on the shoulder from sarah.
“or we could just sit here high out of our minds and bored like what we were previously doing.” sarah stated, in a higher tone because she knew that everyone would agree anyway.
“eh, fuck it. what else is there to do?” pope said, readjusting his position on the tree. “jj....uhhh.....last lie you told?”
jj groaned and leaned back in deep thought, “can’t believe that’s the best you got....uhm....i told john b that topper was the one who stole his bandana.”
john b shot up quickly, staring directly at jj. “okay, but what’s the truth? because you don’t know how close i was to confronting topper about my lucky bandana.”
“i may have spilt beer and needed something to clean it up with....” jj responded, cowering slightly in his seat. everyone laughed and awaited john b’s answer. you were a little more eager to hear the response considering you were the one that told jj to use the bandana instead of getting in trouble. 
“i’ll beat your ass about it tomorrow, i’m too comfortable right now.” john b said, his head lying in sarah’s lap as she played with his hair lovingly. you couldn’t take your eyes away from them and it brought you back to kie. you just wished you could hold her like that and have her know your feelings. maybe tonight was the night to tell them you are bi? everyone seems relaxed and a little more wiped, so at least it wouldn’t be amped up. but then again, you brother jj sat right across from you and it brought you back to the idea that your dad may find out if the secret left your mouth.
you internally groaned at the fact that whenever you thought of letting people in on your sexuality, it always led you back to the fear of your father finding out. except, you didn’t internally groan but actually groaned outloud and you didn’t realize till everyone’s eyes were on you. you felt your face go hot and gave your best awkward smile.
“i guess (y/n) wants to go next. so (y/n/n)......biggest secret?” john b asked and you felt your heart slightly drop and your hands go sweaty. you opened your mouth but wasn’t sure if you should lie or was this the best opportunity to tell them? it seemed like john b read your mind when asking you this question. you felt your heart rate quicken and didn’t dare look anyone in the eyes.
“i...uh...uhm.” you responded nervously. even though it had been years when you came to the realization you were bisexual and had thought of every which way to tell your best friends in every scenario possible, you were still at a loss for words. fuck. 
you felt tears brim your eyes and you ran both of your hands through your hair, staring at the ground. “woah, (y/n), you don’t have to answer it if it stresses you out so much.” jj told you, glaring at john b who clearly almost gave his little sister a heart attack. you shook your head and looked up at everyone.
“no no, it’s okay. uhm... fuck okay.” you said, feeling like your eyes couldn’t focus on one place because your mind was running at 100 mph. you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. keeping them closed, you continued “it’s now or never. so fuck it. i’ve kept this a secret for long enough...” you felt kiara from next to you grab your hand and reassuringly stroke her thumb back and forth. “i’m bi.”
honestly, you could tell if it had been 3 seconds, minutes, or hours till someone answered. you felt yourself get choked up until you felt a head that belonged to kiara lie itself on your shoulder and a hand squeeze your own. you were confused when you felt salty tears at your lips and finally looked at the rest of the group who all gave you soft and loving eyes.
“you know we’ll love you no matter what, (y/n), right?” pope said, send a small smile your way and crawling from his spot to right next to you and put an arm around your shoulder. you let a couple of more tears fall until a smile came upon your face, nodding.
you looked directly at jj, knowing exaclty what he was thinking because it’s exactly what you were thinking. “we can’t tell dad.” you both said in unison. you chuckled through the tears as jj walked towards you and engulfed you in a hug, kissing the top of your head. thankfully, it wasn’t long until john b and sarah made their way to the hug and everyone silently held each other for a moment.
“okay okay, enough sappiness.” you said, breaking up the hug with a giant smile on your face as you wiped the tears that were still falling from your eyes. your friends chuckled in response. 
“i say this calls for a celebration with s’mores!” sarah announced, pulling john b’s hand towards his house. “kie, find some sticks. pope, make the fire stronger.” 
you stood up, wiping off some dirt from your shorts and made your way closer to the dock in deep thought. even though it was such a clichè term, you felt like a literal weight was lifted off of your shoulders. your best friends finally knew and there wasn’t this side of you that you had to pretend didn’t exist. a familiar hand on your shoulder ripped you from your thoughts as your brother came into your view.
“i love you, (y/n). to the moon and back. i don’t want you to have to hold any part of yourself back from who you really are. but, i hate to say it. that excludes dad. i just can’t see you get hurt and it breaks my heart to have to ask you this.” your brother said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and looking out into the water as well. you took a deep breath and let your head lie on his shoulder.
“i know. i kinda expected this. but at least i don’t have to hide it from you guys now.” you responded, crossing your arms over your chest and letting your shoulders relax. again, jj kissed the top of your forehead but you two were interrupted when you heard footsteps walk on the dock behind you. you saw kie walking towards you two slowly and give you a small, kind smile. 
“can i steal her for a second?” kiara asked jj, fiddling with her fingers. jj nodded and pulled away from you.
“‘she’s all yours.” jj said. i wish. jj started walking back towards the camp fire to help pope with the failing fire as kiara pulled you in for a hug. you took in her scent that was a mix of the ocean and her rose perfume. 
“i’m so proud of you, (y/n).” she muttered into your hair and you squeezed her a little harder. you both pulled away slowly and you immediately looked into her beautiful brown eyes, your mouth slightly parted. and as if this were a romance movie, you glanced down at her lips as kiara couldn’t tear her eyes away from yours. and thank god she made the first move. kiara slowly leaned into kiss you and you moved in yourself. 
your hands moved to lightly sit on her waist and her hands cupped your face, as you two deepend the kiss. it wasn’t long until the two of you pulled apart, slightly out of breath. a smile so wide made it’s way onto your face as you gazed into her eyes.
“you don’t know how long i’ve been wanting to do that.” kiara said, chuckling and letting her hands drop to her side. 
“you? really? it’s all i keep fucking thinking about.” you said, pulling her in for a second kiss.
so maybe there was a second secret now to tell the rest of your friends that had already made their way back to the campfire. 
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madeofsplinters · 4 years ago
Note
for the symbols ask, would you mind all of them that you havent yet done for vader? you have very good opinions on him and i would like to hear them
Aw, thank you! Although man that is A LOT of Vader headcanons left to do :D But I like writing random stuff about him, soooo... Sad:
Vader still remembers all the Jedi younglings' names.
Angry/Violent:
I mean, what in Darth Vader's life *isn't* angry/violent? Lol. The particular way that he uses the Dark Side produces a really fucked up feedback loop: he's angry and in various forms of pain all the time, which produces an energy he can channel into violence, which produces self-hate and further pain, which produces more energy. Lather, rinse, repeat.
A lot of Palpatine's work with Vader is simply about managing this loop and adjusting as necessary. Giving him enough outlets for his rage that he doesn't just combust where he stands and start breaking things he isn't supposed to; tormenting him enough, and giving him the tools to self-torment, so that it never quite subsides into peace.
This isn't the only way of using the Dark Side, but it's a common one for Sith warriors; both Maul and Kylo Ren use something similar.
Sex:
Disabled people can, too have sex - it just takes a little more creativity. Vader has plenty of creativity, as well as magic super powers. If he doesn't indulge in such things - which, honestly, in canon he probably doesn't - then it's due to psychological factors: a conservative upbringing and ascetic lifestyle, unresolved grief for his wife, self-hate, depression, not wanting to let anyone in that close, etc.
Anyways if I see one more "BuT hIs DiCk DoEsN't WoRk" post here on Tumblr dot com, as if that body part is all that sex boils down to, I may actually scream.
Living Quarters:
When he's meditating in his stupid lava fortress, Vader senses the Dark Side nexus underneath him as if it's a living being, a kind of elemental lava spirit. Sometimes he talks to it in his head. (Is it "really talking" back to him? Is he just carrying out a strange symbolic drama in his own head? Don't ask - if you don't intuitively understand how a spiritual experience can be both these things at once, then you're not on Darth Vader's level.)
His favorite thing about the lava river is that it isn't Palpatine. Vader of all people knows how destructive lava is, but lava is direct and straightforward. It doesn't lie to him. It doesn't play games on purpose just to jerk him around. It just flows on and burns what's in its path, and there are days when Vader finds that both relatable and soothing.
Romantic:
Vader has a weakness for partners who are older than him, brave, smart, outwardly stable (the insides may vary), have a cute accent and strong negotiation and leadership skills, feed him attention in measured amounts, and are convinced they know better than him about everything. Padmé and Tarkin (and Obi-Wan, for that matter) all fit this type...
Friendship:
I mean, Vader doesn't really have friends, though. He is capable of forming really intense attachments to a few specific people, and tolerating others because of their competence, but anything in between those ends of the spectrum? Doesn't really compute. Vader does not chill or hang out or make pleasant conversation, not a lot of room for friends here.
Even as Anakin, he was a little like this. It was harder to tell, because his social circle was a lot bigger then - there were way more people in the "would die for them" circle, and way more who he went out of his way to be nice to, even if they weren't exactly close. But all of these social relationships involve some kind of power relation. Anakin has masters and fellow generals and an apprentice; he has favorite loyal troops and a favorite droid; he has a Supreme Chancellor who is being very nice to him for some reason. These are all people he works with, or who want something from him; he doesn't really have anyone he hangs out with just for the sake of hanging out with them. Padmé is the closest he gets to that, and even with her, he’s acting out a romantic role in the way that he thinks is expected of him so that he’ll deserve her love. (And doing a bad job of it, because Anakin is awkward, but never mind.)
Anakin has a huge heart and many attachments, don't get me wrong. But I don't think he's ever fully grasped the idea of a social connection that doesn't revolve around one of the people involved being useful to the other.
Quirks/Hobbies:
(I already did a “workshop/tinkering” one, so here’s a “flying” one...)
Vader's special experimental prototype TIE fighter is in constant need of repairs because of how recklessly he flies. It's not even that he crashes into things - it's just wear and tear because you're not actually supposed to yank the throttle that hard every damn time you turn the ship, Lord Vader, seriously how are you not passing out from those g-forces.
Vader is genuinely confused why the techs keep complaining. Podracers are used to having to rebuild their entire pod after every race. By that standard, he's doing great.
Childhood:
Tiny little bb Anakin wasn't actually any angrier than normal, at least by the standards of traumatized child slaves. Like, he was about at par. There were plenty of angrier ones. You couldn't have looked at him, in comparison to the other child slaves doing similar jobs in Mos Espa, and said "oh yeah that one in particular is gonna have anger and attachment issues."
He did stand out from the other kids, though, on account of just being a weird little nerd. He built a whole droid and a racing pod by himself and his master didn't even make him do it! He keeps talking about how he's going to be a Jedi and fly all around the galaxy and save the planet and marry a queen, when everybody knows there are at least three good reasons why that's wrong. He thinks random customers who come into his shop are his new friends! Anakin is just... weird. Off in his own little world. The other local slave kids know not to be too mean to him because he will always help you out in a pinch, and he is really good with machines, but other than that, I dunno, would you wanna hang out with Mr. I’m Gonna Be A Special Jedi?
Shmi sees this dynamic happening, but there's not much she can do, except to give Anakin all the love and reassurance that she wishes he was getting from his peers.
Cooking/Food:
Idk the Wookieepedia says that Vader can eat nutrient paste out of a straw in his mask if he wants to, but he doesn't want to because it tastes awful. So my questions here are (a) considering everything else they have to do, how can the suit's recesses possibly fit enough nutrient paste inside them for Vader's needs, and (b) seriously we're how many years in the future and we can't even make a nutrient paste that tastes good? We haven't even hit on "bland"? For the Emperor's chief enforcer, whose personal care budget is virtually unlimited? Yeah no, I'm calling canon error on this one. He can't eat, or it's too much trouble to get food into him with the other life support, so he's tube-fed. That's my headcanon.
Appearance:
Vader is very muscular. (This isn't really a "head"canon? He's literally played by a bodybuilder? But some fans disagree, so, eh.) He was already tall and strong when he was Anakin, but the suit adds height and it adds a LOT of extra weight that he has to be able to carry around with him literally every time he moves.
His recovery process after Revenge of the Sith involved having to learn how to move again, with new prosthetic limbs and horrifying new chronic injuries, basically from the ground up, and having to do it well enough that he could sword-fight Jedi Masters to the death, and he had to put on a ton of muscle in order to do that.
Palpatine was very strict in the nutrition and exercise regimes he imposed for this purpose. I have a sneaking suspicion that steroids were also involved.
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dontasktheradiodemon · 4 years ago
Text
Reading Area #1 (1/18/2021)
Click here if you’re like “What the heck is this about?”
Valera @autokrates joins Kyxs @usedhearts while reading in the library and pulls out some tea. They hang out and chat about, among other things, Kyxs's death, magic, weird inhuman reproduction, and alien/infernal politics.
Kyxs
Books always attracted him, like a fly to honey, and so it's no wonder that he finally ends up in the library. Most of the volumes on the shelves, he couldn't even read the titles of, but he'd found a nice sci-fi novel in a shelf and sat down with that, just casually flipping through it and skimming.
Valera
Hope Kyxs didn't think he'd get alone time, even in an estate big enough to get lost in. Here comes Valera, a leather bound alien text shoved under one arm, the other holding an oversized mug of tea. To their credit, they offer a little murbling trill in greeting before taking a seat across the way from him in a piled up coil of tail and armchair cushions hidden under a throw blanket. Ohoho, this fish is ready to get COZY.
Kyxs
He looked up with a blink when she entered, but smiled her way. He slowly shut his book and held it in his lap.
"Hey, Val, haven't had a chance to see you yet, nor a chance to thank you for inviting me along. This--" He gestured around them. "Is way better than being in a bunker waiting things out. I'm having a blast."
Valera
"So I can imagine!" They grin, then cock their head to the side and rearrange themselves so they can lean in to get a closer look at their guest.
"Extermination day is your..." Ahem. "*Death Day,* right?" They sound it out carefully, a clear division between two words that didn't belong together in their mind. "Happy Death Day, Kyxs. I hope you've been able to enjoy this one more than the last."
Kyxs
He chuckled, giving a nod. "It is, and thanks. Yeah, usually I have a drink of whiskey with Alastor and listen to the radio waves through the extermination and that's all. Having mixed drinks with my boyfriend and hanging out on a beach side island mansion? Maaaajor upgrade."
Kyxs laughed a little more. "So, still weird to know that we're all dead humans, huh?"
Valera
"Very." They snort, turning to put their tea on the end table next to their chair. "I've seen plenty of humans die, but not as many start walking and talking in new form right afterwards."
They tap the edge of their book, humming as they watch him. "I'm glad I could provide a change of pace for you and yours. I almost didn't offer! I thought it might be too forward with how little we actually know each other, and I'm a TERRIBLE judge on how humans or ex-humans will respond to... Anything, honestly."
Kyxs
"Well, I'm glad you did." He shrugged a bit, leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair.
"Y'know what the worst part of arriving in Hell is? The drop. One minute, you're dying peacefully, and then next--" They lift a hand, making a motion with a finger like something falling. A cartoon sound effect of falling and then a comedic smacking sound play on the air. It's as smooch as any Alastor's effects, but it's clear he's been practicing with the noises.
"You're falling and splatting on the ground. I had the unlucky fortune to do that a few scant minutes before the Extermination kicked off for that year, and as jarring as it is to just fall in, falling in on Extermination day is worse."
Valera
A frown. "I'm surprised you survived. Well, I mean.."  A dip of the head. "You *didn't*, obviously. But you didn't *double* die. How did
freshly fallen sinner not immediately get exterminated? You'd have been a walking target!"
Kyxs
"Simple: Alastor. He was waiting for me when I dropped in, immediately got me up and rushed me to a bunker. Didn't even ask anything of me until after the Extermination." He shrugged a bit.
"Without him, I'd have been double dead for sure."
Valera
"Ah. Must have been a fan of your work." They're just going to take a sip of their tea, don't mind them. They know you, sad radio boy.
Kyxs
His mouth snapped shut, but his expression is a familiar static smile. Kyxs takes a moment to blink and then take a breath, relaxing. He just had to remind himself that they were an alien, maybe they wouldn't judge him like other humans would?
"....Yeah. He was. He followed me, listening in via the radios around me, watching what I was doing. Said he liked my style, but that I could have more flair, more power. Offered to teach me, if I worked for him in exchange. I took the deal." He tries his best to act casual, but his next shrug is a little too stiff.
Valera
They watch him stiffen up, and roll their eyes at his carefully manufactured casual mannerisms. "Here's a little tip from your local theater major, kid. Alastor can get away with the stiffly smiling puppet man act because that's how he *always* is. If you flip the switch on suddenly, everyone is going to notice and be on edge."
Ssssip. Mm, good tea. "Anyway. Making a Deal with Alastor was stupid, obviously, but I'm glad it's working out."
Kyxs
He sighed. "I know, I'm working on it. I only have high school theater to rely on." He laughed, crossing his legs.
"Eh, not as stupid as some people might think. Alastor's actually reasonable, mostly. If he respects you, which I was fortunate enough to earn by my actions in life. He'll give you good terms then, but if you're an idiot and act like one around him, well..." He trailed off and shrugged.
Valera
"Earning his respect doesn't seem that hard... Unless you also want him to fear you just a bit." They grin, all teeth.
"Not that I'd know. I have *no* idea if any Alastors out there respect me. But I do have things they want, and that's good enough. The only ones I make deals with are the ones I know have a vested interest in my survival."
Kyxs
"I don't know about that, there's not much Alastor fears." He took a breath, his hand playing with the pages of the shut book on his lap.
"Which ones are vested in your survival? Or are you not allowed to say?"
Valera
"I disagree MOST heartily, dear boy! There's plenty he fears. But if you haven't figured out what yet, I'm certainly not going to tell you and ruin his fun!" They crack their book open, setting it in their lap as they tug the throw up over their shoulders. Hoohoo cozy time.
"I could tell you specifics, but I wouldn't benefit from you knowing. Suffice to say, the ones that like going to Earth for visits or ingredients make an effort to keep in my good graces. Free rides are hard to come by."
Kyxs
He nodded. "True, I don't know much about what other Alastors fear, only the one I know. Who can say which ones of them have the same fears?"
He leaned over, tilting his head to try and get a peek at her book. "What're you reading?"
Valera
A few seconds of watching him crane his neck, and they obligingly turn the book sideways so he can see text he absolutely can't understand. It was reflex, don't question it too much.
"This? Nothing special, really. It's a book on chronomancy, time manipulation and the like. This one is about creating pockets of reality where time is dilated. Not terribly useful to me, but I like to study the basics of anything I can."
Kyxs
She was right, he could't read it, but he enjoyed being able to see the script, it looked nice. That explination flew over his head, though, and he blinked. "Soooo, time travel? What's.....time dilation?"
Valera
"Time dilation is.." They pull the book back, brows furrowing. "To simplify it to an absurd degree, time dilation is where time slows down. So this teaches you the theory behind creating pockets of space where time slows to a crawl relative to the world outside of it."
Kyxs
"Think I read a fantasy western where someone could do that. Had to burn a metal with Allomancy to do it, though." He chuckled. "But that's....neat? Is that something you can do?"
Valera
"Oh yeah, totally." They toss the book at Kyxs, watching as it freezes in midair, then seems to fall in slow motion.
"I already learned how to break this kind of magic at its zenith, but I did it with brute force. I'm studying the theory to learn how to pick it apart instead of just smashing it with a metaphorical hammer. Because eventually I wont be able to just" here they whip out the airquotes, voice turning exasperated "'orbital drop kick' my way to victory."
Kyxs
Kyxs blinked as the book froze and watched as it kept slowly moving towards him.
"Orbital drop kick, huh? So you got a lot of raw power but no finesse?"
Valera
"Oh, uh. Yeah." They roll their eyes, reaching out to pluck the book from the air before it went too far.
"I ruin a lot of things, losing control of spells. There's actually a spot in one of my off planet estates that infinitely spawns chickens because I overcharged one part of a time weave." A pause. "So if you're ever hungry, paradox chicken is cheap."
Kyxs
Kyxs blinked again, and then laughed, putting his face in his hand. "Paradox chicken?"
He lifted his head and, still giggling, continued. "So, is it just a planet of chickens now, or do they disappear after a while?"
Valera
They snort, waving a hand dismissively as they settle back into their coils. "I put a portal underneath the point that whisks them away to a processing facility. But it sure LOOKED like it was going to turn into a chicken planet for a while there. I didn't exactly have a response plan ready for *an endless flood of chickens*."
Kyxs
"Endless chickens. You could solve world hunger-- or actually, ALL worlds hunger." He laughed again.
"Okay, what else have you fucked up magically?" He looks legitimately excited by this.
Valera
They sniff. "Oh you want to hear about all my FAILURES huh? Not my dazzling successes? I broke an entire MOON out of a time freeze you know!"
A moment, and then they drop the act, grinning again. "Veci learn to channel our magic through boards carved with symbols. They're rigidly designed and have a bunch of redundancies to keep dumbass kids from hurting themselves. They do all sorts of things, and ONLY those things. So I, of course, wired a bunch of them together and powered them all at once."
A long sigh. "Long story short, the whole kit and kaboodle went flying off into low orbit and is probably still going."
Kyxs
Kyxs laughed, harder this time. "Oh my god! Just bam, zoom! Off it goes! That's incredible."
He sighed and wiped at his eye. "Reminds me of when Alastor started teaching me magic-- nearly broke every piece of radio equipment I touched."
Valera
His host watches him, fins twitching as they hold their mug of tea in cupped hands. "Aw, hatchling's growing pains. I assume you've gotten better control since then?"
Kyxs
"Oh yeah, a lot better. I still don't have the simple finesse and control that Alastor does, but I'm also not a full fledged radio demon yet." He shrugged.
"I still have to concentrate for stuff that comes naturally to Alastor." To prove his point, an audience gave sporadic clapping after he spoke and he sighed.
"Like that. Still need to whip my audience into shape."
Valera
"So I've heard! You don't inspire the same fear, but you also didn't exactly spring into Hell fully formed and blasting Overlords with unfathomable power. Or whatever. I wasn't there for it, I'm sure his manifestation was greatly exaggerated."
Kyxs
Kyxs rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged a bit. "I dunno, I've looked into it, quite a bit, and most reports are shockingly accurate from what I can tell. Alastor doesn't like to talk about the specifics a lot, though. But he did kill just...a whole fuckton of sinners."
Valera
They shrug. "Sinners die all the time. But we're focusing on you here. Do you MIND that people aren't as afraid of you?"
Kyxs
"Not really? Like everyone's _so_ afraid of Alastor that he can't do much of anything without people running in terror. I can go places and do things on his behalf and even then people won't just up and run because of my mere presence. Being feared to that extent's gotta be tiring." He shrugs back.
Valera
Sip-- Oh, they're out of tea. Ah well. "Speaking from experience? Exhausting. Especially for someone who was previous used to being well liked. You should feel bad for him, but only a little. He did choose to do all that murder after all."
Kyxs
His head tilted, looking curious. "People feared you? Like they do Alastor? But....you're so nice?" His bright green eyes squinted.
"Though considering you can make a chicken paradox, I guess getting on your bad side is a bad idea."
Valera
Well, if he's going to say his piece.. They carefully set the empty mug aside, face blandly neutral as they speak.
"I was thrust into power at twenty years of age, unprepared and terrified. When people attacked me, I responded in turn. When their families protested, I held public executions, to prove a point. A plot of treason? I strung their bodies up for everyone to see!"
A shrug. "Once people see you pull the trigger on an entire city in response to something they did, they realize what they're trying to fight against only gets worse every time they try to put it down."
Kyxs
"Oh geez." Their eyes widen with each word and they look away, elbows on their knees and hands covering their mouth.
After Valera was done, they were quiet a moment. "Yeah, that'd do it," They muttered.
Kyxs sat back up, leaning back in their chair, arms crossing over their stomach. "I killed my father and brother. They were both my first victims. And then I went off and killed a lot of other people. Not a whole city's worth, but for one person just on their own? I killed a lot."
They shrugged. "I keep that under wraps for most of Hell, on Alastor's advice. Thought since you shared...." They shrugged.
Valera
What a strange heart to heart this is. They'd hesitate to call Kyxs anything more than a maybe-friend, but.. He tries. They offer a smile, one side crooked higher than the other.
"Weird that he'd tell you to keep a few murders under wraps, considering the circumstances! But I'm sure he had his reasons. Maybe keeping your victims from deciding to settle the score personally."
A beat. "Oh. I haven't done a widespread cull since I hit thirty, so don't... worry? I guess? I made a deal; ten years of compassion after ten years of cruelty. Six in now, and people have gotten comfortable enough to insult me to my face."
Kyxs
"I think it's less about the murders themselves and more me being a serial killer and all the media coverage I had before I died. Some people in Hell go real hard for true crime shit and have no qualms about stalking you." He laughed softly.
Kyxs's head titled, curious. "What happens when the ten years are up? Will you go back to doing stuff like that or do you think your decade of compassion's changed you enough to not do it again?"
Valera
"Figures, even in Hell where killers are in spitting distance on any given street corner, the big names still get creepy fans. Ever had people ring into the station over you yet?"
The question catches their attention, eyes alight with mischief. "I'd started to find the devotion to compassion rather boring, but then it lead me to Pentious. I _like_ being attentive with him. Making him happy makes _me_ happy. It's pleasant! And weird!"
They magic up fresh tea, offering a duplicate mug to Kyxs. "In four years time, I'll likely have young children to worry about. Another thing I never expected. So.. The best answer I can give is.. I don't know! This year alone has upset my status quo immensely."
Kyxs
He laughed, shaking his head. "No, thankfully. It helps that Kyxs isn't the name I went by when I was up top. I _do_ get people calling in thirsty as fuck for Alastor, though. In a variety of ways."
Kyxs shuddered a bit, and then grinned.
"Oh yeah, love can do that. Having someone to share things with is just really nice. Whether it's a friend or a significant other, it's really nice just being around people you like and care about."
He blinked and tilted his head. "Kids? With....Pentious? I thought sinners were sterile?"
Valera
"You are." They go back to cupping their drink. Time for more explaining! "Veci can reproduce with anything that has a soul. Sinners like you and Pentious ARE souls, condemned to Hell for your sins in life."
A pleased hum.. And then they snort. "Before you ask, yes I'm sure it works, and I've got the embarrassing story about Alastor being my midwife to prove it."
Kyxs
He blinks again at that and finally takes a sip of the tea she'd given him.
"Ah, hm, I don't think I want to hear that story yet. I don't think I'm mentally prepared." He chuckled. "But that's really interesting. Is it cause your people are so much more magically inclined?"
Valera
"You will never be mentally prepared. And if you ever are, you'll have better luck asking Angel. He was there too." A dainty wrist to their forehead, and they sigh dramatically. "My BEAUTIFUL spusband, my knight in SHINING armor.."
But no, Kyxs was NOT ready to hear the story, and Valera was not about to share it. Instead they grin over their tea, mischief in their eyes. "To answer your question. Yes and no. We're very magically inclined, but we're also genetically all over the place, compared to humans. For example, I bet you had two genetic donors, both normal husband, and you came out looking like either of them. "
Kyxs
Another rapid set of blinks. This converstation really was getting a lot of those out of him. "Angel was there?" He grinned at her display. "Well, that explains everything, he's definitely a knight in shinning armor."
He nods, very seriously, yes absolutely, knight in shinning armor.
"Yeah, that's pretty much how humans do it. Two parents, both equal in indignity." He snorted into his tea as he took another sip.
Valera
Oh no, there they go back into their dramatic swoon. "Of course Angel was there! He was the one whisking me away once things started happening, the one right by my side through thick and thin!"
And cue another sigh, flowery as you please. Then they snap back to normal, chinhanding at Kyxs. "I've got seven parents. All genetically related to me. Though the indignity stands, anyone who thinks reproduction is beautiful is wrong, and worse, they're stupid."
Kyxs
More blinking! His eyelids are going to get tired at this rate. "Seven? If it's not too weird to ask, how?? I only know about human biology, so forgive the ignorance."
He was trying very hard to not giggle as he took yet another sip of tea.
Valera
Kyxs' eyelids were going to be so buff by the time this was over. "Well, in MY case the genes were harvested and then patched together in a controlled environment. Yes, that's right darling... I'm DESIGNER." Hairflip. Anyway.
"But it CAN happen naturally. The optimum mating period is fairly generous, as long as there's enough.. traits.. mixed in there by the time the shop closes, the results can be any mix of the parents... Or you just do it magically. We've got spells to avoid the sexual part of reproduction entirely. Options are out there, suffice to say."
Kyxs
He gives a BIG laugh at the hairflip. That was a good one, tickled his funnybone something good.
"I see. That's really cool. So like, anyone can have a kid if they want, I guess the opposite is true too? Like there's probably magical contraception and all that?"
Valera
Good, they live to entertain!
"Of course! I just use the standard non magical medical solutions. Keeps me from having weird magic interactions!"
Kyxs
Kyxs laughed again. "Oh God what kind of weird magical reactions can they cause?"
Valera
"I mean, I laid three eggs. So failure is a common one." They roll their eyes. "No, I know what you want. Sometimes you change colors if your contraceptive doesn't mesh well with your magic. Or you can turn sparkly."
Kyxs
"_Sparkly?_" Their eyes get real big for a moment there. "Man, I want weird magical reactions that turn people sparkly to exist in Hell that sounds funny as fuck."
They laughed and set their empty cup aside. "I take it yours meshes, though-- or are you normally blue?" Kyxs smirked.
Valera
"I hatched *red,* actually." They flutter their lashes... Then snort and shake their head. "That's true, but misleading. Veci change colors as they grow up fairly frequently, nothing to do with contraceptives. No, I use regular old injections, good for six months at a time. Though my old magical one would sometimes make my horns get blue speckles. As far as side effects, it was pretty harmless!"
Now it's their turn to lean in, eyebrow raising. "You've asked *me* a bunch of questions, but what about you? Any magical contraceptives on your side of things, Kyxs?"
Kyxs
Oh, the blinking time is back, that's good. He laughed after, shaking his head.
"Oh, no, not that I know of. Sinners being sterile and all there's no real need for injections? I don't know what's up with the Hellborns though, so maybe they got some." He shrugged.
Valera
"Oh, boo. Though the idea of Hellborns making minor contracts with...." They trail off, leaning back in their seat.
"Oh my gods. Do they make deals with Stolas? No, no... Unless they were trading for information on contraceptive *herbs*. No, they'd go to Gaap, probably? He's the prince who rules over that sort of thing, if my memory serves. I haven't brushed up on my knowledge of demons in *years*." Plus Gaap was the one that Alastor had called on for them.. They should send a gift basket.
Kyxs
"I've been lacking in my demon studies, honestly. I know about Prince Stolas, but Gaap's not familiar to me? Is he a Duke or...?" He trailed off, shifting to tuck his feet under him on the chair.
Valera
"He's a prince, same as Stolas. Though, that's assuming your Hell works the same as some of the others I've been to. I'd honestly suggest you do your own research when you get home, if possible. Though if you want, I could ask Stolas when I see him on our coffee date." They shuffle deeper into their blankets.
"Do you want a refill on the tea, or is that enough for you?"
Kyxs
"Oh! Yeah a refill would be nice." He picked up his empty cup to hand over.
"Yeah I should. I need to be in the know more when it comes to Hellborns rather than just sinner Overlords."
Valera
A twitch of their fin, and his tea is refilled. Who needs TEAPOTS when you've got MAGIC ~~and a teapot and tea cabinet in the kitchen you can draw boiling water and leaves from~~?
"Indeed! Though, really I should as well. If I'm going to marry a man aspiring to conquer, I need to learn everything I can to help support him in his efforts. His greatest enemies, possible allies, how to manage them.. You know. Political stuff."
Kyxs
He takes a sip of the new tea. Ah yes tasty.
"Yeah, I've been putting it off a lot because of the politics. But considering I'm bound to the Radio Demon, and he's working with the Princess, maybe it's a good idea to look more into things."
Valera
"Take it from a politician. Politics are the worst and I hate them. Death to politics as we know it can't come soon enough." A heaving sigh.
"It sounds like a good idea. If you're going to help your boss, you need to know what you're doing. If I'm going to help my husband, so do I. We're together in misery!"
Kyxs
"Yay!" Kyxs gave a little fake cheer and then laughed.
"Well, as they say, misery loves company." He gave a shrug. "But you said you were planning on having coffee with Prince Stolas? Swanky." He laughed a little.
Valera
They groan, nearly vanishing into their own coils as they slowly place their book over their face. Politicsssssss....
Oh, right. Stolas. They remain exactly as they are, voice muffled but much more cheery. "We're going to meet up and swap parenting tips over iced coffee! He seems lovely, so I'm looking forward to it."
Kyxs
"That sounds so wholesome for a chat with a Prince of Hell." Kyxs couldn't help another giggle.
"Then again, Hellborns are a lot different from sinners. Who's to say they can't be wholesome?"
Valera
They wave a hand, vague and airy. "Parents operate on a higher frequency. We make eye contact and a bond is established. In that moment, we are allies in exasperation and adoration for the weird tiny people we're stuck with."
The book is brought down far enough to peek their third eye over at Kyxs, surprise tinging their voice. "You've met Charlie, haven't you? She's a total sweetheart, and about as Hellborn as it gets."
Kyxs
"Oh yeah! I have, she's really nice. I think my brain just slots her into her own category cause she's Princess." He shrugged again.
"She's very _very_ enthusiastic about things, which is really adorable. I really kinda wanna meet her parents just to see how they could've raised someone as sweet and compassionate in Hell of all places."
Valera
"You know, fair. She's certainly not like any other Hellborn out there, with that parentage." The royal baby, the little Angel of Hell. Poor Charlie.
And then her parents. Ugh. "I've heard very little about Charlotte's parents." They begin, carefully. "But I've heard nothing _good_ about them. I think Charlie's personality is her own doing."
Kyxs
"That's a fair point. I've heard things about Lucifer and Lilith, and none of it wasn't someone doing some ass kissing, sooo..." He snorted and shrugged again.
"It'd make sense if Charlie was mostly a self made Princess."
Valera
"Quite so, Kyxs." The book is finally pulled away, set on the table between them so Valera can have both hands free.
"Apologies, I didn't mean to derail the conversation. Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?"
Kyxs
"Oh, not really. I kinda like derailed converstations, makes it easier to go with the flow." He tilted his head.
"Alastor hasn't been any trouble has he? I mean, the one that's my boss, of course."
Valera
They stare at him, blank faced as they process his question. Alastor... Trouble... His *boss* Alastor.... Had he? Had he been trouble? Quick, brain, go evaluate a specific Alastor even though they all looked almost identical. Which one was his boss? Not Stick, right? No of course not. So that meant...
A few seconds of silence, and... "Oh! Not at all. He's lovely. A model guest. Good shot, too." Nailed it.
Kyxs
"Good shot?" His eyebrow raised and he lifted his cup for another sip of tea.
"What was he shooting?"
Valera
"Fish! We went speargun fishing together on the pier. It was very fun, he's good company." Oho, a purr from the fish, good job Alastor, wherever you are.
"I almost feel bad for worrying, all the Alastors have been behaving very well. So far."
Kyxs
"Oh never feel bad about worrying about Alastors making trouble. They'd never be rude, but I will say if they weren't your guests, they would be making a loooot more chaos than they are." He shook his head and smirked.
"Sometimes it's funny, sometimes....not so much."
Valera
They open their mouth to respond, then hesitate, tension tightening their shoulders. "Yes. Sometimes not so much is right."
... Not going to elaborate on that, Valera? No? Alright. "Well, with him at least, we managed to get along well enough with weapons in our hands! Always a good sign. Hopefully even when he isn't bound by his manners we'll muddle through, but we'll see."
Kyxs
"Well, if he didn't take a shot at you with a weapon in his hands, I'd say you're at least good in that he won't immediately kill you." He laughed again.
"I mean, not that he could? I think you'd be able to take anyone in Hell, honestly. Maybe not Lucifer himself, but you never know."
Valera
They grimace, shaking their head at the idea. "I could take Alastor in a fight, but I don't know about any Hellborn. And even if I *could* take them on, I wouldn't want to. Fighting is *stressful*."
Kyxs
He nodded and shrugged. "Fair enough, I haven't actually fought anyone else in Hell, so I don't even know what a big demon magical fight would be like."
Valera
"Oh, you haven't? Do you even know what you're truly capable of?" Now they're interested again.
"If you want to get an idea, I could always spar with one of my friends while you watched. Sparring is one thing, that's just playing."
Kyxs
"Not like, fully capable? I've gone into uhhh, my 'true' demon form a couple times but never to really fight? Or at least not anyone who was even near my level in terms of power." He used airquotes around the true part, and then shrugged.
"But I wouldn't say no to seeing some sparring, sounds fun."
Valera
"Sure! Probably not this time, but we can absolutely arrange something when less people are around to get in the crossfire."
They've abandoned the idea of reading by now, just a bundle of fish in a blanket sitting pretty.
"So, Kyxs. What do you want in Hell? You're stuck there theoretically forever, have you got a goal?"
Kyxs
They pondered that question for a bit, one clawed hand scratching at the base of one of their horns.
"Not really sure? Beyond like, doing the radio thing, learning from Alastor, and playing music, I don't have big overarching goals? I'm.... kind of content with that? Which is weird when you think about it, being content in Hell of all places but hey." They shrugged. "I'll take it."
Valera
"That might be for the best, honestly. But yeah, there's a pretty big flaw in Hell's design."
They shrug. "Humans can adapt to just about anything. That's your claim to fame. Give them eternity and they'll build civilizations, like they did on Earth, and like they did in Hell. Mediocre food? You get used to it."
Kyxs
Kyxs laughed. "Don't let Alastor hear you calling Earth food mediocre, he'll take that as a challenge."
He leaned back, tilting his head to stair up at the ceiling. "Kinda makes you wonder how Hell's supposed to be a punishment when it seems like more of the same. Maybe that _is_ the punishment? You think it's gonna be a change, but it's not. I dunno, I can't claim to know what God was thinking when he came up with it."
Valera
"Alastor can take it as a challenge, I've rarely had food from Earth that actually tasted good. It's not made for a Veci tongue to enjoy. If he thinks he can do better than all the other attempts, let him!" A snort, and then they shrug.
"I can't say much for your God, but they never struck me as the creative sort. Or as all knowing as they act. It's kind of embarrassing, like a kid who made a mess and then tries to hide it." They pause, raising an eyebrow. "Though of course, I get to say that because I'm an alien with gods I can punch in the face. Yours seems a bit loftier."
Kyxs
"Yeah, loftier." He rolled his eyes. "He's an asshole. Thought so when I was alive and still think so now. His sons aren't much better, any of em. Though," He giggles, "It does make me laugh that the family who where the biggest bible thumpers are the ones in Hell with me, the heathen, now."
Valera
Well that earns him a quizzical look. "What does that mean? What family?"
Kyxs
Kyxs winced a little and glanced away. "_My_ family. My uh brother and father. Huge Christian bible thumpers and yet," He giggled again. "They're both in Hell now too. Looks like all their hypocrisy got the best of them."
Valera
They scrunch their face like they just sucked a lemon, sinking further into their blanket. "Gods, I forget that people having families is *normal*. Sounds like yours wasn't great though. I take it you were responsible for their surprise entrances to Hell?"
Kyxs
"Yeah. Said earlier that I killed em, but yeah. Knife to the neck for dear old dad and just a bunch of stabs to the chest for big brother." His face also scrunched. "Really had hoped that they'd been exterminated."
Valera
"Well sure, but I don't know how much family you have. Had. Have?" Squint. "Either way, good riddance. Next round, just throw them into the street yourself. You want a problem solved, do it yourself and all that!"
Kyxs
"Easier said than done, I don't know where they hole up for the exterminations, and I doubt they'd let me in so that I _could_ toss them out." He shrugged. "Just have to find some other way, I guess."
Valera
Valera scoffs, pointing a finger at Kyxs. "You have a lot to learn, kid. I hope Alastor teaches you how to properly track a target by next extermination. It's all about networking with people who want to be in your good graces."
A dismissive toss of the head, and the fish rises to their feet. "Speaking of family we hate, though, I should check on my *own* brother to make sure he hasn't said anything stupid to any of my guests. I'll see you later, Kyxs."
Kyxs
"I know how to track people, they just have some...powerful friends." He sighed. When Val got up, he nodded.
"Brothers are the worst. Alright, see ya later then, Val."
He gave a little wave as she left.
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annaraebananawriter · 5 years ago
Text
Day 5: Fear
Yellow everyone! Day 5 of ErrorDream Week, hosted by @errorxdream, here we go! I’m posting this early because I have to help my Auntie today, so I wouldn’t be able to do it any other time.
ALSO! Yes, all the prompts for this week are connected in one big story. Soooo…if you missed it, you might want to read Day 4 to understand everything in this one!
Fandom: Undertale, but specifically Dreamtale and Errortale
Characters: Dream and Nightmare (Who belong to Joku) and Error (Who belongs to CQ)
Pairings: Pre-ErrorDream/Insomnia
Warnings: Language and I think that’s it. Let me know!
Word Count: 1547
~oOo~
Dream was scared. Error was conflicted.
Their friends were oblivious.
However, if Error wanted things to work out, he would need some help.
It was time for someone to know about this.
~oOo~
Error reached down and grabbed the doll that Dream left behind in his hast to get away. He stared at it. It had some wet patches from the tears that hit it when Dream was crying.
Dream had been crying.
He hadn't expected that. Not at all. He had expected Dream to be surprised, yes. Definitely shocked. But he didn't expect him to start crying. At first, he feared the guardian didn't like the gift. Then he realized that Dream was probably crying because he was looking at a doll replica of someone he hadn't seen for hundreds of years and missed so dearly.
He knew as soon as he realized that that Dream loved the gift. That it was the best thing he'd ever received in a long time. It lifted his fear and made him both happy and concerned.
Then, Dream had asked why.
That was when everything went downhill.
He had been nervous. He had started off not knowing how to put his feelings into words. As he continued, he grew confident, but he still couldn't share everything that he felt. He thought that was okay. That things would work out without everything being said. He was wrong.
"You don't love me. You love the way I make you feel..." A sad smile, something he never wants to see again, something that should never exist in the first place. "You love my aura, and that's it. You don't love me. Not like I love you."
His grip on the doll tightened. He closed his eyes.
"Not like I love you."
Wasn't that a laugh?
Dream loved him, probably had for longer than he had loved Dream. He didn't know when it had started, but it must've been from a while ago. It only made sense. Although, he can't help but wonder, that if Dream did love him, then why hadn't he been happy or excited to learn that Error loved him back? Why...why deny it?
Unless...
...
Unless...he was afraid.
It made sense. It was the only thing that made sense, to him at least. Which meant, hopefully, that it was true. After all, he liked to think he knew Dream better than almost anyone. Now, he may not understand why Dream was afraid, not exactly and he probably never will, he still needed...he would still need to talk to Dream. Have a talk, and try to clear things up, get things organized. But...he didn't know where Dream was...
...but he knew someone who might.
Someone who was most likely the only other person who knew Dream as well as he did, maybe even better than he did.
He opened his eyes.
Holding the doll like it was the only thing keeping him alive, he turned and opened a portal. He appeared in a dimly lit room. It wasn't dim enough that he had to strain, but it could still be considered dim. Or maybe it was because it was getting to be late, as the window told him. There was no one sitting behind the desk as he had hoped. He swore, turning to leave through another portal, fingers ready to summon it, when the door to the office opened.
The person paused when he noticed him, gaze looking up from the papers in hand, a glass of dark red wine in the other. He frowned, tilting his head a little, tentacles flicking behind him in curiosity.
"Error?" Nightmare asked, concern entering his voice, "What are you doing here?"
Error squeezed the doll in his hand, as if reminding himself of why he was there even though he knew it, would never forget it. "I need your help."
~oOo~
Nightmare walked through the forest, following his intuition about where to go. He was relaxed and kept himself that way, as he didn't want to ruin this. Error had asked for his help and he never turned down a friend, much less failed them.
Especially if...
He entered a clearing, the only real structure being a felled tree, big enough that he could lean against it and look over to the other side of it. Pausing, he tilted his head at the log. He had arrived. Taking a deep breath, he walked forward, pace slow and careful. After all, he didn't want to scare the other away before they had a chance to talk.
Reaching the tree, he leaned against, just as he said. He crossed his arms in front of him, one of his ankles also going in front of the other. His tentacles waved behind him, content. There was a family of deer in the distance; a mother and two fawns. They were grazing at the grass.
He kept his gaze on them as he talked. "It's beautiful here, isn't it?" And it was. A bit too overgrown for his tastes, but beautiful in its own way. Also, despite his gaze on the deer, he kept his attention on the person sitting next to him.
Curled up against the log, back pressed against it, head in his arms and hood over his head, Dream tensed, but stayed silent. He was focused on the grass in-between his legs.
Nightmare sighed. He looked down, studying the bark as he mulled over his words. "Error came to me, you know." He started, deciding it was a good starting point. "Said he needed my help." He paused, running his finger over the groves, "Told me about the two of you. The collapse. The meetings, or kidnappings as he phrased it. The gift he gave you." His hand stilled. "The confession he made, the one you made. All of it."
Dream stayed silent.
Nightmare turned his head, watching Dream intently. "Mind telling me why you told him he didn't love you?"
Dream shifted, lifting his head up enough to stare ahead of him instead of below him. Fair; grass must get pretty boring after a while. "Because he doesn't," He choked out, voice heavy with tears, "he only thinks he does."
Nightmare hummed. "What makes you think that?"
Dream sniffed, reaching up to rub at his eyes. Tears, probably. "That's always how it is. People say they love me, but they don't, not really. They only love how I make them feel. That's how it was in the village. That's half of the reason why Ink hangs around me, because I make him feel things without his vials." He stopped for a minute, looking down, mood darkening. "So...so Error can't love me, only the idea of me. He can't love me..." He trailed off, face twisting in pain.
"...like you love him." Nightmare finished; voice gentle. He hummed again. They fell into silence, both thinking about different things. He gazed back up at the deer family, or the place that they had been. The place was empty now. Nightmare tilted his head side to side, debating on what he wanted to do.
...Ah, fuck it.
He turned and slid down, sitting on the ground next to Dream, their shoulders a breath away. "Well, you may be right..." He started, admiring the trees in front of them. He leaned against the log; legs stretched out in front of him. "...but, in this case, I think you're wrong."
Dream sniffed again. "How do you know that?"
His lips twitched upward despite himself. "Call it a feeling. Don't forget, I've been friends with Error for a while now, and know him better than most." He paused. "He likes you, Dream." His voice was serious now. "Why else would he make that doll for you? He's never made a doll for anyone before, you know. Never." He looked over to Dream. "You're the first. I think that says something."
Dream stayed silent, but Nightmare felt him begin to shake. The guardian reached up again but he grabbed a hold of his wrist, stopping him. Dream started and tensed, but Nightmare didn't do anything, just slid his hand up, interlocking their fingers.
He squeezed Dream's hand. "It's okay," he whispered, "to cry, you know." He felt Dream's shaking worsen before a sob broke free of the guardian's mouth. Dream buried his head in Nightmare's shoulder, cries silent but shaking noticeable.
Nightmare looked ahead of them. "But you shouldn't take my word for it. You should take Error's. He knows best. About what he's feeling, about your relationship with him, everything. You should listen to him."
"But—"
"Just talk to him," He cut Dream off, as gently as he could. "please? Doesn't have to be today, doesn't have to be tomorrow. Doesn't even have to be this month. But, when you're ready, talk to him. He'll wait for you, he always will."
He knew Dream was still hesitant, so he added, "Besides, you can say if he ever breaks your heart, I'll kill him."
That got a weak laugh out of Dream, who had calmed down significantly. Nightmare smiled, gentle and genuine. They stared at the trees for a while together, Dream resting against Nightmare.
Then, Dream said quietly, "Thank you, Nightmare."
Nightmare paused, squeezing the other's hand. "Anytime."
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notyobabygirl · 3 years ago
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hi 🤍 i found out 2 weeks ago that i have to move to a new state because of my job. it’s a 6 hour flight, 3 day drive so not close to where i live at all. i don’t really have much of an option to get a new job where i live now because the one i’m with rn pays me very well. it would be really difficult for me to get a job that pays as well as this one with all the great benefits. i’m open to moving anyway and experience something new…but i’m in a 2 year relationship rn and i don’t know what to do about it. me and him have briefly talked about it, but tbh i avoid it because it’s really emotional for me to talk about. we’ve both agreed that it would be better for me career wise and lifestyle wise to just move. i told him i would be open to him moving with me and we could get our own place there but sadly i don’t think he wants to move anytime soon. we also have never lived together so it would be 2 big changes for the both of us: relocating and living together for the first time. i understand why he doesn’t want to move but it really sucks for me because in my dream situation he would just come with me and we could start over together. we have only really talked about it twice now and i think i’m gonna talk about it with him again soon. i’m gonna run the idea of long distance by him and how he feels about that, ask him again if he’d consider moving with me, etc. i’m really nervous about long distance because i’ve never done it before, and rn we see each other almost every single day. like we can’t even go 2-3 days without seeing each other. i’m worried i’ll get bored or get really bad relationship anxiety if we did long distance. and neither of us have the money or time to take flights super often to see each other. i’m also pretty nervous about talking with him about long distance because the last time we talked about me moving he told me “let’s make the best out of your last 2 months here” because i have to move in november. it was so sad to hear him say that and i almost started crying so i didn’t talk to him about it or ask if he just wants to break up once i move. but between him saying that and him being so hesitant to move with me i feel like that’s what he’s planning on doing but i don’t know. he’s a very impulsive person and it’s hard to understand exactly what he feels/thinks.. plus he changes his mind so often. i don’t know what to do.. i know moving is the best option for me but i don’t want to go through a heartbreak at the same time. moving to a state i’ve never even been to and know absolutely no one is already difficult enough. i don’t want to lose my best friend/boyfriend of 2 years at the same time you know? :(
hi love! moving to a city is super exciting and although its scary moving and all, you should be excited for that. that means new opportunities, exploring new cities around you, trying new things, meeting new people and so much more. with the right person, long distance isnt impossible. of course it is hard and takes commitment and time but you can make it work if you both are willing to put in the work. both sides need to put in commitment and since you guys have already been dating for two years it seems like that will be easy. i know you said that you guys see each other basically everyday but when you go acouple weeks without seeing each other it makes seeing that person SOOOO much more special. my boyfriend and i do long distance and yes it sucks but when we see each other its so special and amazing. you should go there and see how you like the city and go from there. you might literally fall in love with this new place and never want to leave. when you move there he can look for jobs out there and potentially move in with you. if you guys were only dating for acouple months i might be like ya that might be taking it fast to move in together but since you guys have been dating for two years thats a good time to move in together. and if you dont like the city then you can look for another job in where you live rn. you said that the pay is good at this job but theres many jobs with that same pay, if not more. take it day by day! keep giving me updates best of look love you. everything happens for a reason remember that!!
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lonelyghosts-stuff · 4 years ago
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Avengers Infinity War-First Time Watching Reaction Play-by-Play (Pt. 2)
Part 1
I wonder how many people Gamora has killed? What made her finally snap to not serve Thanos anymore?
How DID Gamora find it? Like, who told her?
How did Thanos capture nebula?
Poor nebula. She’s literally been through hell and back.
Ohhhh she snuck on board...
Thanos you suck so much. You favor one daughter over another.
Oh. Where was said map to the soul stone?
Gosh I feel so damn bad for nebula. She was raised as his daughter too but he tortured her and tore her apart. Nebula never had the chance to be her equal. She deserves so much.
Taught groot as an elective? What about all speak?
Buckle up rocket. It’s gonna get emotional.
Thor is literally all alone. He needs a time to sit alone and cry and break a whole building.
Rocket and Thor friends? Please
1500 years old? Jane, honey, you escaped.
Gotta give it up to Hemsworth’s acting chops here. Especially talking to nobody in reality. Just a bunch of cgi
Ew ew ew eye socket
Should have washed that yikes
Snuck it out by hiding it up your? Huh? You watch too many movies rocket.
Huge title card. Thank you. I wouldn’t have known where we were despite them saying their location many times.
How is that video game battery not dead?
Perceptive rabbit
I LOVE that they used a dwarf to play a giant character!!! This is brilliant! (And that dwarves are giant for some reason lol.)
Soooo again Thanos killed everyone EXCEPT Eitri despite his “morality” supposedly being balance
Poor hands
Poor nebula
Smart nebula
Maybe should have waited to be fixed fully first
Ah crap. SOMEONE PICK UP THE SPACE PHONE
MANTIS
Love how Stark asks for peters help in steering and not Stephen lmao
Nice parking job
Peter, stop popping pop culture refs
Lmao ITS ABOUT TO BE THE ICONIC SCENE
YES PLEASE
Blanket of Death. Capey has a new nickname.
Where’s Gamora
Who’s Gamora
Why is Gamora
What master do you serve?
Jesus?
I mean, yea I do. So does Pratt lmaoo.
LMAO PARKER’S FACE WHEN QUILL SAID THOR WASNT HANDSOME
Storm breaker time baby
“In theory it could summon the bifrost” who theorized this? How do you only theorize and not know?
Oh my gosh mantis is just bouncing around
Mr. Clean lmao
Kick names, take ass
Hey now, these guys saved the galaxy and universe from Ego so lmao
Oh no I know the scene coming up
Poor quill lmao
“I’m half human. So the 50% of me that’s stupid, that’s 100% of you.” “Your math is, blowing my mind.” What’s funny is that Quill’s math was actually completely accurate lol
Stephen having a stroke or a seizure? You good homie?
Soooo if Strange looked to the future and so possible outcomes, what does that mean for the TVA? According to them, there’s ONE sacred timeline, so all other branches are erased (which again messes up what smart hulk eventually says in end game. See kids, this is why you don’t mess with time travel in stories. There’s no way to go back in time without creating a time loop). Ehhhhh I’ll let it slide. Just ignore it... sigh... I can’t help it if I’ve studied paradoxes
Hmmmm not good odds I’ve gotta say...
Watch like, outside of the millions of realities that strange saw, there were like a million or billion more he missed where they won with no casualties lol
Hey Red Skull. Long time no see. How did he get here anyways and why?
Yea you’re prepared all right...
Gotta say, Lord Elrond has seen better days
I’m not ready to say good bye to this Gamora. Gamora and Loki and Nat go down as my favorite characters, gotta say. I know that Tony does and it’s sad, but his feels more satisfying because his sacrifice directly results in them winning. Loki is murdered. Gamora is murdered. Nat died just for a stepping stone for the avengers. She has no idea whether or not they will actually win in the end.
I’m hopeful they may bring Nat back like in the comics, red room clone style.
We got back vision, Loki (kinda), variant Gamora, a new captain America, why not Nat? Yea we have a prequel, but gosh I love her so much.
“You must lose that which you love.” Couldn’t that apply to like an object or something? Could I not throw my Nintendo switch over the cliff? Or my dog? (I would hate that just as much as a person, don’t get me wrong, I’m just curious about the rules)
Yea boohoo sad for Thanos... loses his favorite daughter. I don’t care about him. He deserves suffering.
Poor Gamora doesn’t think he’s willing to do it.. GIRL RUN!!!
Thanos deserves all the suffering.
He does love you Gamora... but that love... it’s selfish. It’s blind... Thanos seems to be a chaotic vigilante who is narrowminded, tunnel vision on his goal with no regards of the cost. But he is evil. If there is ever an alternate route to an end that doesn’t result in the loss of innocent lives, and you know that but you willingly choose the once that costs innocent lives, that is an evil decision. Maybe Thanos isn’t evil, but he’s not good. Far from it. He’s obsessed with this idyllic Utopia but he rushes to one method of getting there. Yes, people suffer. It sucks... it’s unfair... it’s horrible. But it is never the right of someone else to dictate whether or not said person would be better off dead. Who lives, who dies. If Thanos truly was neutral and not selfish, he would have thrown his own life into the mix of the potential 50/50 snap. Thanos is not good. He’s not misunderstood. He’s a murderer. A genocidal cult leader. I have no tears for him. Only for those who suffered more at his hands.
Rant over, time to try not to cry about Gamora...
Her face of realization
Gamora run please
Thanos, I hate you. (Great character her, but not a good person)
Poor Gamora
Oh my gosh the emotion here is great but I’ve heard this sound used as a meme on TikTok too many times aghhhh
Gamora!
What a way to die
I’m crying again. I miss her already...
Who the hell designed this place and put the stone here???? Who did this?
Cry Thanos. Suffer. My only comfort here is that you are sad. You deserve suffering. You really do...
The TVA is laughing here and I’m not okay..
Poor Peter Quill... he’s also lost a lot like Thor, but has had the “luck” of not knowing his family too close.
Wakanda babyyyy
No, you don’t want Starbucks, you want Dutch bros
Lmao I love rhodey. Poor Bruce.
BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY
HUG
NO CMON HAVE A LONG HUG
MALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO IMPORTANT.
Yea Shuri show em up.
Okay quick pause, I love love LOVE how Shuri is smarter. It’s a powerful moment for females BUT it’s not done in a way that’s condescending to males! It’s not saying women power because men bad, she’s just good! (And she has had access to technology they never could have but I digress). More of this please Hollywood. Don’t let being a female be the power. I don’t want strong female characters, I want strong characters who happen to be female. Ones who hold their own, have faults like anyone else, struggle, have weaknesses and strengths, but are strong without putting down others. Just a comment, just because a woman character may not be as strong as a man character, that is not saying she’s weak. If you’re the second strongest human in the world, you are NOT weak. You’re just not as strong as the strongest human ever, but that’s nothing against you. LET WOMEN STAND ON THEIR OWN MERITS WITHOUT SEX AFFECTING THEM!
Anyways
I love Shuri
I wish they had more time. She definitely could have done it. But stupid Thanos
Ughhhghhg
I know what many scenes are upcoming... with quill and peter and vision and everyone else
Let👏🏻Bucky👏🏻Have👏🏻Peace👏🏻
Thank you Nat!!! I love that Nat is so protective and selfless.
GET THIS MAN A SHIELD
Bucky needs love please. He’s my stand in, manipulated, greasy, long haired, dark and mysterious, stabby boy. (Also I need Bucky and Loki to meet. But let Loki finish his show (and come out of it alive because if he doesn’t I will sue) and be the antihero hero we need. Please. If he doesn’t get reintroduced into the mcu as a hero I will sue.
Thor, sweetie, are you a masochist?
Back to wakanda
Oh no, bad CGI, floating head Bruce banner. I’ll let it slide... sigh....
Can’t like, you just rain bombs on them forever?
JIBARI TRIBE YEA BOYYYYY
Sorry Proxima Midnight, you look like a frog and your name sounds like a middle schooler’s OC.
How nice. Diplomatic meeting.
“Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood.” Reeeeeeally wish you didn’t say that, T’Challa...
Yay big CGI battle commence! It’s like a really expensive animated cartoon at this point
WAKANDA FOREVER!
Poor Bucky. Forgot this dude doesn’t know much about the modern world.
Ahhhh Kamikazi aliens
I just wanna say that I love that Wakanda still has the artistic culture in their clothing and tradition all the while having badass, super advanced technology.
Why can’t they just rain bombs down the whole fight lol. Rhodey has those super nice bombs, like, do that they he whole time? Please? Why do you not have a barrier around the entire king.
No M’Baku, it’s not the end of wakanda. But half of all life, yea
WAKANDA FOREVER YEAAAAAAA
They should honesty all have nano tech suits like black panther lol. Or iron man suits. Fine maybe the most powerful one with the best quality material for the king, but besides that, yknow.
Wow Steve is hot with a beard.
So much happening at once. Thor, Wakanda, Vormir, Knowhere, am I missing anything?
Okay, but what IS the full force of a star? Like in Newton’s or something? Juls? Is it heat?
What’s this metal? How does it fare with vibranium?
Get off your wooden butt, groot.
“He needs the axe” are you Thor, the god of axes?
Soooo, I thought Thor didn’t NEED the hammer, it just helped him concentrate his powers or act as a conduit. Is that retconned already?
Cmon groot, put down your game. Soooo, is Groot worthy? He technically lifted it. Or is it a technicality because it wasn’t fully finished yet?
Cmon bucky, use that fancy arm of yours.
Wow they’re getting destroyed.
They need wanda to help.
BADASS ENTRANCE BABYYYY
How did Thor know to come to wakanda?
Floaty head Bruce
“BRING ME THANOS!”
Ahhhhhahahaha yeaaaaaa
Cry Thanos. Do it. I hate you.
Much more of a purple grape nutsack.
Oh gosh... I know what Peter Quill is going to do. I still don’t hate him.
“With all six stone I would simply snap my fingers. They would all cease to exist.” Orrrr, now hear me out, I know I sound like a broken record now but... MAYBE DOUBLE THE RESOURCES INSTEAD?? That’s not mercy. That’s not up to you to decide whether or not someone’s better off dead.
Smoosh
Yea quill has experience with the power stone
AIM FOR THE HEAD
Cmon it’s basic zombie tactics
I love peter quill lmao
Go capey!!!
Magic with a kick!
Poor Peter
CAPEY NOOOOOO
Wow he’s OP
Ouch quill just got majorly clotheslined
NEBULA
“Where’s Gamora?” 😭😭😭 SHE CARES AGHHHH
Restrain him! Work it mantis!!!
Why even remove the gauntlet, just slit his throat... kill him....
Quill no... stop being cocky...
Oh no
Quill please don’t
JUST SLIT THANOS’ THROAT
Quill please....
Poor quill. Just lost the person who really really loved him
Okay, I still love star lord. Idc what others think. He reacted realistically. If you hate peter quill for how he reacted, you better also hate Tony Stark for how he reacted to bucky when he learned bucky killed his parents despite knowing for a fact that bucky was brainwashed. Yes it was annoying... yes they were so close, but quill is so human here. I don’t hate him. He gets too much hate for acting like any normal person would have. Distraught, grief filled, he lost his love. Someone who helped him open up and finally move on from his mother’s death and fathers villainy.
Spider man saving mantis gives me life
How did that power stone blast not kill them?
Clearly Thanos has played Majora’s Mask. At least he has good taste.
So close vision.... but I know... I know what happens.
YES BUCKY AND ROCKET GUN CIRCLE.
Lmao give rocket Bucky’s old arm.
“I am Groot.” “I am Steve Rogers.” Comedy gold
Cmon Thor, go after the big one first.
Cmon wanda, save them. We need some scarlet witch magic up here to stop these
Okay that was so cool. AND THEN SHE USED THE BLADES
Oh no but now Shuri is alone
So close yet so far.... Dangit... vision was almost good
Ouch. Bonk to the head
YEA BLACK WIDOW
BADASS TIME
AND OKOYE!!
LETS GOOOOOOO
BADASS WOMEN
Ouch poor vision
Cmon Thor back up vision
Please
Hulk is in his feels
Cmon hulk grow up
Ooooh smart move banner
Aaaaand he’s gone
Giant blade look oit
Corvus, screw off.
YEA STEVE
WHERE IS THOR WHEN YOU NEED HIM
CMON NAT
Oh dang. Nice one wanda. But also, sheesh. Helluva way to go. But no big.
Yea vision. Stabby time.
Now vision and Steve, kiss.
Spider man saving everyone’s lives.
YEA STRANGE
Where was this in New York???
MULTIPLYING
WHY DIDNT YOU DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE????
Oh no
Well then... ouch. Soooo where’s the real stone???
Hey look Tony, you have a fan.
Okay I’m just pissed odd they didn’t just kill Thanos when they had him subdued. Like, worry about the glove AFTER he’s not longer a threat
Oof
Tony is taking a beating
HE WAS STABBED
WHAT
I don’t want your respect Thanos. That’s an insult.
They will remember him. They will remember him Thanos. When he kills you.
DOCTOR STRANGE WHAT?
You really doing this??? I guess he knows what needs to unfold for them to win... dang. I wouldn’t trust him tho.
Peter Quill in berserker mode
Where’d he go?
Name dropping the second movie
Strange knows everything about to go down. Who dies, who lives, what Thanos is about to do... he’s accepting his soon dusted demise because Stark needs to live...
AIM FOR THE HEAD UGHHHHH
Stop teleporting. That’s Loki’s gimmick.
KILL THIS RAISIN LOOKING NUTSACK UGH
Homie way too OP
Poor wanda and Vis...
HER LIP TREMBLE
PHENOMENAL ACTING
SAY I LOVE YOU
I JUST FEEL YOU
AGGHHHH IM CRYING AGAIN
Poor wanda. To have to kill her love... this.. this is a sacrifice Thanos... not your murder....
Wow Steve is holding back Thanos with pure brute
WANDA IS SO STRONG
HOLDING BACK THANOS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY BREAKING THE MIND STONE
I LOVE YOU
AGHHHHHHHHH
And I know what happens next...
Poor wanda
Piss off thanos you understand nothing
You lost more than she could know? Bull crap. You are causing everyone to lose...
Cruel reality. Wanda has to see him die twice. RIP Vision
RIP half of all life...
AIM FOR THE DAMN HEAD
IF THOR KILLED HIM THEY COULD HAVE USED THE GAUNTLET TO BRING EVERYONE BACK TO LIFE. USED THE TIME STONE TO REVIVE THEM ALL.
How did that not kill Thanos tho. It may not have been a head shot but still.
Lil Gamora
What is this place?
Is this the soul realm?
Thanos, I hope you suffer forever. You deserve all the pain...
Rest In Peace: Vision, Loki, Bucky, T’Challa, Groot, Wanda Maximoff, Sam Wilson, Mantis, Drax, Peter Quill, Dr. Strange, Peter Parker (I don’t feel so good), and everyone else...
Thank you Nebula.
Thanos, you do NOT deserve to retire peacefully—wipe that smile off of your face
Oop, Rest In Peace Maria Hill and Nick Fury too... Motherfu— (so close Sammy boy...)
Yea Thanos you didn’t really think that through. Much more than half will died since other people rely on other peoples lives
Good thing he hit that button last minute huh? I wonder how captain marvel would fare in the TVA? are her powers considered magic? I mean, she clearly doesn’t know everything since she only just learned about Thanos (which is funny because she was supposedly traversing the universe to protect people)
Welp... onto movie two!
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flybi91 · 4 years ago
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sorry guys i have no idea what the fuck i’m doing and none of this was proofread but i had fun and i guess that’s what counts
Orlo’s a recently turned vampire, it happened when he was at the front. He killed a soldier to survive and save others, but the idea that for the rest of his life he now had to purposefully hurt and drink from humans just to live made him feel sick, but the animal blood wasn’t helping and any blood from a dead person that the doctor gave him made him ACTUALLY sick.
He was terrified of taking any blood from someone bloodletting in case anyone saw, plus while it happened quite a bit bloodletting wasn’t common enough to sustain a person. 
So he took to drinking as much animal blood as he could, although he had to drink what he assumed was MUCH more than if he’d just drink from a human.
To his shock Peter actually tried to help by offering to give him serfs. 
He felt his stomach roll at the memory of his cruel, disgusting words. How the king had less compassion than a vampire he’d never know
He jumped at peter slapping him on the shoulder “They’re just serfs, it’s not like they can’t be replaced. And HEY, maybe you won’t be a virgin anymore!” 
You’re a serf, you’ve heard rumors of count Orlo getting bitten by a vampire when he went to the front about a week ago but you took it as bizarre superstition.  
Although you noticed he hasn’t left his room in a few days. When you saw him for the first time since the accident later that evening you were serving food and drink at one of peter’s stupid parties. You were shocked with how sick and pale he was, almost grey, and he wasn’t eating or drinking anything or talking to anyone.
You knew it was probably just from the shock of everything he’s been through and you KNEW it was just rumors and superstition but seeing him like that you couldn’t help but think, what if he is.
You noticed people ignoring him like they were afraid of him, not it the typical way they usually did. Even Peter was being less of a cunt to him. Catherine was the only one that would try and have a conversation with him but even she was a bit wary around him and he was just too out of it to really participate, although she DID actually looked concerned for him which is more than you could say for half of these assholes. 
But you knew just because people were acting like he was a vampire didn’t mean he was, it just meant people were being stupid.....right?.
You weren’t best friends with marial but you got along well enough and she was friends with catherine. You pulled her aside before she could go back out.
“I know we can’t talk, I just have a question, does Catherine know what happened to Orlo?“
You were expecting her to roll her eyes and make fun of your “stupid crush” and make a rude comment about him as per usual. But you weren’t expecting her to look around to make sure no one was listening before talking in a hushed whisper.
“Look i don’t know for sure and i don’t know the details, BUT something did happen to him. I know you don’t believe in it but i’ve been around him more than you have these past few days and if there was ever evidence for a vampire, he’s it “
You stood there slack jawed while she quickly scurried away to serve drinks.
You walked around with your tray as people took drinks off of it. You tried to calm down and get your mind off of it but your eyes kept flicking back to Orlo. 
You were always rather fond of him, he was sweet and kind and didn’t treat you less because of your position. He was probably the only person of status that would conversate with you. So you were upset thinking about the 0000.000.001% chance that he was a vampire, you didn’t want to think about how frightening it was for him or how much pain he’d be in.
You decided to walk over to Catherine and Orlo under the guise of offering them drinks.
Catherine gave a sad smile and took a glass. You didn’t talk to her very much but she was kind and she was currently looking at you like she knew exactly you were thinking.  Orlo politely declined a drink. Infact come to think of it you haven’t seen him eat or drink anything all night. NO he’s just in shock over killing someone.
You were cleaning up the last remnants of the party when you saw Catherine pull Marial aside. You tried to not pay attention or eavesdrop but you couldn’t help but notice a strange muffled sound coming from the box Catherine was holding and the disgusted look marial gave her. You quickly got back to cleaning, trying to look innocent.
“she’s gone”
You shot up and spun around to see marial standing behind you holding the box.
“what are you talking about“
“oh come on, we both knew you were listening, you’re not as sneaky as you think“
You blushed in embarrassment. “catherine saw me?!”
Before she could open her mouth to answer you, you were both startled what was ever in the box, it started shaking a little and now that it was closer you noticed there was a squeaking.
Before you could ask about it she was trotting off “sorry i REALLY have to take care of this“
You went after her. 
She side eyed you as you caught up to her “you’ll get in trouble if you follow me“ 
You snorted at the statement. “when have you ever cared about getting in trouble“
She sighed and rolled her eyes. 
“Soooo...what’s in-“
“Rabbit“ 
you scrunched your nose at her statement. “and were bringing it to someones apartments?“
She gave you an uneasy look. “Orlo’s apartments”
You tried to control the nerves bubbling up inside you. “Well i suppose it would be nice for him to have a pet, must get lonely for him”
Your friend stopped walking, turned to you with a hand on her hip, and gave a look of disbelief. “And WHY pray tell, would WE be bringing him a pet at midnight? HM?”
You chuckled nervously. “I mean what else could it be”
You held up a finger for her to stop. “AND even IF he is, WHICH HE ISN’T i’m sure they would find a better solution than little animals like bunnies”
You picked up pace before she could ask another question as she stood there for a few seconds gawking at you.
You two were waiting outside the door to be let in. You looked at the box again and felt terrible for the poor thing as it squeaked and scratched. It must be scary to be locked up in a tiny box like that. Your attention was pulled away from the box as the door opened for you.
“count Orlo is ready to see you“
You entered his apartments and it...was normal, nothing creepy, no dead animals, just.....typical Orlo, you sighed in relief and released a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding in.
Orlo opened his bedroom door and he temporarily froze, clearly not expecting you to be there.. Now that you were closer and in better light you were concerned with the fact that he REALLY looked sick.
“M-m-my a-apologies, i wasn’t expecting you,”
he gasped and threw his hands up “NOT-NOT THAT IT’S A BAD THING YOU’RE HEAR I JUST-“
GOD if he was a vampire he was probably the most timid vampire you’ve ever heard of. 
Marial let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled her eyes before thrusting the box towards the poor man. 
Orlo blushed, mouth gaping as his eyes flicked between you and the box. You went to ease his fears by taking it from marial and put it on his desk but before you could he grabbed it and clutched it to his chest.
“SORRY sorry it’s just...personal“
Your friend crossed her arms, clearly frustrated with him. “she knows it’s a rabbit, lobcock“ she turned on her heel, marching out of his apartments. She spit the last word with such venom you were sure it could probably kill him. 
He looked down at the box clutched in his hands before looking at you.“I-i-i-i promise i can explain“
“There’s nothing wrong with having a pet”
You smiled as he started to relax, clearly pleased that you didn’t bring up silly stories and accusations about him. “Please sit”
“Oh i can’t, they’ll-”
You jumped a bit when he put a hand on your shoulder before pulling it back. “OH sorry, i didn’t mean to- its just that- i-i, well you can stay here and relax a bit if you’d like, you won’t get in trouble”
“OH I don’t want to impose on you, you probably have a lot of work to do”
“No it’s fine, i’ll ask for some tea and cakes, you must be hungry.”
While he went to go fetch a servant to get the tea you took the time to look around at all his books. You couldn’t read more complicated books like Orlo could. There’s been a handful of times where the man had even let you borrow some of his easier ones, well borrow is a strong word as you’d be beaten if someone of your class was caught with a book. But there’s been a few times where he let you sit in his apartments and let you read under the guise of needing an assistant. You smiled at the memory of the one time where he read one of his complicated books to you and explained all the meanings and philosophies, it was all completely lost on you, you just sat there staring at the poor man. 
Your eyes landed on something peculiar. You tilted your head to look at the spine of the book, you felt a bit dizzy when you noticed it said it was about vampires. Your curiosity got the better of you. You looked around to make sure no one was there to see as you carefully lifted the book and looked at his writing on on the parchment. You noticed a strange smell and a stain that wasn’t ink. Well you noticed it when you walked in but the palace was so vile you didn’t pay attention to strange smells but it was particularly pungent. It was covered in scribbles about blood, animals, the effects of different light.
“The tea is-”
You were so absorbed in your discovery you screamed and huddled into the corner.
“I’m sorry, i’m sorry, i really am, i just-” Well it wouldn’t matter if he was a vampire because in a few minutes you’d be dead for looking at his notes. It didn’t MATTER that you were good friends you were still a serf caught looking at his notes.
He quickly put the tray down and walked over to you, hesitating coming any closer when he saw you flinch.
He stayed a decent length away. “Please sit down i promise i won’t harm you”
You slowly uncurled from yourself and walked towards a chair. 
He very carefully walked to his seat, making sure to not get too close to you so as not to upset you.
“I hoped you wouldn’t find out, at least not like this” 
You tried to speak normally but you voice came out barely above a whimper. “So it’s true” You looked up from your lap
“Yes, although I truly promise I wouldn't harm you. I feel bad enough that I have to do this to animals but drinking from the dead makes me sick. Though i still don’t know if it’s just me or vampires as a whole as i haven’t meet any others, well…...not extensively” 
You gently picked up the box and held it on your lap. “Soooo this isn’t-”
“Isn’t a pet, no, i’m afraid not” he gave a forced laugh
You looked at the box again and made a motion to open it. “Can i?”
“Oh, yes!. Believe me, i wouldn’t be doing this if i didn’t have to”
You opened the box and gingerly took out the cute fluffy little thing.
You smiled as you scratched the fluffball behind the ears. “You can talk to me about what happened if you’d like”
His jaw clenched as he looked at the fire, you’ve never seen him so upset. “I prommis you don’t have to i just thought-”
“No it’s fine, i probably should talk to someone it’s just….hard”
He sighed and put his head in his hands.”I-i--it was the night the carriage crashed, apparently one of the soldiers was a vampire, he tried to kill me with his bite, and as i’ve found out, there’s no difference between a vampire bite intending to turn or kill, it depends on the length of time but when i killed him it wasn’t enough to kill me and i’m now cursed, I probably deserve this.”
Your heart broke for him, you’ve never seen him look so distraught. Not even the words of the court got the him this much. You held the rabbit to your chest and got up to sit next to him on the couch.
“So i presume any blood would do?”
He looked at you and quickly got up before answering. “W-w-well a-acording to the doctor it would b-b-be better if i h-had human blood”
He was turned away from you, towards the fire. He was shaking and visibly distraught. You put the little creature back in the box and quietly walked towards him. Now that you were right next to him you could see how pale he was and all the little purple and blue veins that ran through him. You should be scared, any normal person would in this situation but you just didn’t have it in your heart. He looked so broken. Your brow furrowed with concern when you noticed his eyes were red, was that blood?!.
You pulled off your head piece and gently dabbed under his eye, the cloth came back stained with red. “I-i-i-it seams that the only liquid in my body anymore is the blood”
“You need to drink, you look ill.” 
“Oh that’s just from the light. See light doesn’t kill it just, well it reveal things”
You watched him as he seemed to perk up, walking around the room grabbing books and other odds and ends.
He ushered you to a darker part of the room. “ See how my hand looks more normal?”
He lit a candle, put his hand over it and you were shocked when it started to pale in the light.
You looked up at him not knowing what to say or do. He opened a book to a page about the sun.
He leaned towards you. “See? It says that In the dark a vampire will look like a normal person but light shows their truth.” he put his hand over the candle again. “And this is just with candles if i was out in the sun i’d look…..well-” his mood quickly changed. “I’m disgusting” He stood up and walked away from you. “Why do you want to talk to me, to a cor-”
You gently shushed him. “It’s ok, it’s not your fault, you don’t deserve any of this, you’re one of the kindest people i know”  
He looked at you, his face stained with blood and his lip trembling. “But how are you not afraid of me, of what i am?”
You were both startled by the chime of the clock signaling it was one in the morning.
“My apologies, i did not intend to keep you here so late, you should be sleeping.”
You picked up the bunny once more. “It’s ok,you need to talk to someone. You were saying th doctor suggested human blood? So that means the doctor is helping you yes?”
He crossed his arms and snorted as he rolled his eyes. “If you can call what he does helping, more like shots in the dark, lucky guesses, and experiments.”
You walked towards him and the bunny started squirming more and more. You shrieked and dropped the thing as it bit you. 
You clutched your hand and looked at the mark. It wasn’t a lot but it HURT “I didn’t know bunnies could bite that hard,sorry i think it scurried under-”
You looked up to see Orlo’s terrified expression, It looked like he was using every single muscle in his body to keep himself under control.
 “You must leave, i’ll find it by myself”
“What are you talking about i-”
Then it hit you. You looked at your hand and realized the skin was broken. He could smell your blood. It felt like time slowed down for you. You thought about how kind he was towards you even though you weren’t a lady, or perhaps he was kind to you BECAUSE you weren’t a lady. Then you thought of the pain and fear he was in, and how he was one of the few people outside of your family that you unconditionally trusted. And there was always a little voice in your head that kept mocking you, saying you two could be together if status didn’t matter. You hated that thought, you kept trying to push it away. Status did matter and your dreams were just a bitter reminder of something that never could be. But if you couldn’t be with him, you wanted to be held, just once.
“It’s ok” you stepped towards him and he flinched.
He backed up, trying to get away from you. The words peter spoke about serfs echoing through his head “I shouldn’t i-i dont i-”
He was shaking. You couldn’t tell if it was from fear or hunger.
He had a look in his eyes that chilled you, a look you’ve only seen on wolves. 
You tried to sound brave. You stedied yourself as you walked towards him. “From what you’ve said, you need human blood. Animals won’t be good enough for ever. It’s been only a week and look how sick you are. I know you said it because of the light but it’s not just that. You need to eat”
His jaw was so clenched it looked like his teeth would break. “Please i don’t want to hurt you. I don't even know if i can control it ” his eyes became tinged with red as it threatened to spill from his eyes. 
Your hesitated before looking at your finger again. You squeezed it to get a droplet out before tilting your head and rubbing it on your neck.
You could tell he was starting to falter as his hands reached for you. Before he could pull them back you grabbed them and held them in yours. He was absolutely freezing.
“Please”
“Why do you want this so badly?”
Your eyes watered as you thought about telling him. You felt so foolish. “Because i’ll never get another chance to be this close to you“
He looked at you even more confused than before. “What do you mean? We’re friends we-”
It all clicked for him and his mouth fell open.
“You mean?”
You shook your head in confirmation as tears freely flowed down your cheeks.
“Well what makes you think you won’t get another chance?. Because you’re a serf?”
“Of course we can’t Orlo, you know that” You leaned in, resting your head on his chest. He froze for a moment, not use to being this intimate. 
“All i know is i’m a count meaning i’m one of the highest ranks besides the king and queen. I’m free to marry who ever i wish”
You pulled back and looked at him in shock. “Orlo, what do you mean?!”
“You’re one of the most pleasant people to be around, you’re kind, and funny, and you’re so excited to learn i just- i just thought you’d never be interested. I was just happy to find a friend”
You leaned in again. Savoring the feel of the silks and velvets of his clothes. And how you were pleasantly surprised by how sturdy he felt.
You rested your head on his shoulder and he gently brushed your hair away from your neck. You could feel yourself blushing at the closeness. He gently touched your neck.
“Are you sure you want this i could-”
You looked up at him through your eyelashes. “Please, i’ve never been more sure of anything”
“From what i know it  should hurt, but then again he was trying to kill me, so please try to relax”
You closed your eyes and focused on Orlo, the feeling his arms wrapped around your waist holding you tightly, the smell of ink and leather, the warm and luxurious feel of his jacket. 
You flinched as you felt a prick and a burning sensation but it slowly melted away. Strangely enough it felt warm, like being wrapped up in a fluffy blanket. You sighed as he ran his finger through your hair, gently scratching your scalp, it felt amazing, almost overwhelming. You relaxed even deeper. You knew you’d fall if orlo wasn’t holding you.  You didn’t know if it was a vampire thing or if it was the blood loss but could swear you could here Orlo in your head.
“Thank you so much, no amount of words or actions could ever repay you for your kindness, i insist you stay with me instead of going back to the servants quarters, mockery of peter and the courts be damned ”
You felt extremely tired, like you haven’t slept in actual days. You hummed at the feeling of him licking your wounds. You felt him pick you up bridal style but you couldn’t say anything or even open your eyes, you tried but he shushed you, you whined and grabbed for his hand when you heard him walk away. 
“Sleep, i’m just changing”
You smiled knowing at the crack of dawn marial would march in and demand to know everything that happened. 
You tried sitting up when you herd him come back. He rushed over to you and tried to get you to lay back down. “You need to rest you-”
“THE BUNNYS SAFE!”
He tried to stifle his laughter.”yes it’s safe, i found it hopping around” He held up the box with the little thing inside and you smiled. 
“What do we name it?”
“You need sleep”
14 notes · View notes
horansqueen · 5 years ago
Text
AM Conversations : chapter 55
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A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA 
(FINAL CHAPTER)
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CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!
- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao! 
i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!
okay so here it is. :D
Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter
OLIVIA
I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.
I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.
That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.
"Olivia."
He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.
"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."
My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.
"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.
I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.
"Niall broke up with me."
I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.
The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.
It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.
I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.
"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.
"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."
I turned to him and tilted my head.
"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.
"It does, darlin'."
I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.
"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"
"Yes."
It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.
"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."
I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.
"What are we gonna do, Louis?"
He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.
"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."
I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.
"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."
I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.
"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."
An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.
"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"
"Yes."
My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"
"A week ago."
I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.
"What are you gonna do?"
Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.
"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."
His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.
"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."
His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.
"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."
"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."
He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.
"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"
This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.
"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."
My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.
He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.
"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."
"No Louis, it's fine I can-"
"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."
I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.
"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."
He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.
"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."
I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.
"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.
Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.
"Louis!"
He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.
"Please, stay, okay?"
It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.
"Can we spoon?"
"We can spoon."
I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.
"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.
"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."
"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."
"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."
"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."
My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.
"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."
"Tell me."
I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.
"I don't know, Louis."
"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.
"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.
"For how long?"
My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."
"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."
Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.
"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.
"Fuck no."
My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.
"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"
"Pretty much, yes."
"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"
Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.
"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."
"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"
I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.
"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."
"Who said that?"
I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.
"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"
"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."
I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.
"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."
This time, he's the one who laughed.
"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.
"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."
"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."
By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.
"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."
"It's already working."
My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.
I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.
I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.
"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.
I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.
I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.
"Oh my god!"
He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.
"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."
His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.
"No?"
"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"
That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.
"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.
"That's the plan."
I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.
"You feel... so fucking good."
He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.
"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.
"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."
His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.
Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.
"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.
"I'm okay too."
He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.
"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"
He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.
"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."
I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.
"I am."
                                         --
Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.
I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.
"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"
"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"
"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."
I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.
"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."
"For the breakfast?"
"And for last night."
He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.
"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"
He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.
"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."
It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.
"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."
"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."
I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.
"What are you gonna do now?"
We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.
"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."
When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.
"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."
I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"
"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."
"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."
He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.
"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."
"Love you too."
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