#its so so so fucking cold outside so thats what inspired this.

[churrorat-art]

Spearmaster and saint <3

[with-my-calamitous-love]

OCEAN BLUE EYES / I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT SINK AND DROWN AND DIE ༄

ua! touya todoroki x ua! reader headcanons <3

inspired by gorgeous

- villain touya is a ruthless, cold-hearted maniac. ua, hero-in-training touya is just a prick.

- he’s the kind of student that skips class religiously, but somehow gets amazing grades. he’ll give attitude to anything with legs, including you, but somehow pass every test. he’s also unreasonably competitive, joining about every sports he can make the time for.

- becoming friends with him was inevitable, giving his magnetic field being just a little too strong. at first, he should have taken it as a compliment the way you’d talk to everyone in the room but him. he’s unreasonably gorgeous without even knowing it.

- he’s an asshole, but he’s also funny. he’s the kind of guy that just knows what to say, so fucking cool it makes you hate him so fucking much. he has you feeling like a dumb high school student with a dumb high school crush. because you are.

- little do you know, that feeling is mutual. you’re ruining his life by not being his.

- on the outside, he’s smart, strong, and a great student. on the inside, he’s still got those same battles you’d come to know him for.

- he’s in ua, yes. he’s becoming a hero, yes. but he still wonders if it’ll measure up to what his father wants. sometimes he wonders if he’s doing it for himself, or for the bastard back at home. and though half the reason he’s in ua is to rebel against and piss off his father, he also wonders if he can at least be acknowledged by him.

- during training, he’s thinking about his worth. in class, he’s thinking about who he is. every waking moment spent at school, at home, or alone, he’s terrified of being nothing more than a failure.

- the only time he doesn’t feel like that is with you. which is why he’s so furious when he can’t say anything to your face. how dare you make him feel this way?

- he does the unthinkable, and goes to his mom for advice.

- “touya, you obviously like them.”

- “SHUT THE FUCK UP! sorry, love you.”

- its then you learn more about who he is, beyond just who he’s trying to be. you learn he loves winter, and tries to catch snowflakes on his tongue like a little kid. you learn his favourite meal is soba, and how you learn to make it how he likes it. you learn that he’s an oldest child, and as much as he insists his siblings are pains in his ass, he’ll help natsuo with his math homework, walk fuyumi home from school, and tuck shoto into bed.

- you teach him its okay to just be who he is now. that sometimes, just being happy is the sweetest vengeance against someone who hurt you.

- so you help him pick out his hero name, design his costume and fuel his dreams. he learns that he can be a hero for him. fuck everyone else, as he would say. except you.

- touya becomes your best friend, your ride or die. its this beautiful, parallel universe, one where its possible to save him. one where the light in his soul is nurtured and seen, and one where he’s happy.

- touya todorki is touya todoroki. in every universe, he’ll burn down anyone that gets in his path, whether thats being a villain or a hero. but he’s sure that in every one, you’re there waiting for him.

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚

huge thank you to @sukunaes for helping me with this! i published this a while ago, but for some reason tumblr hid it 💔 but i’ve gotten to rewrite and add some more thoughts! i also have more ua touya stuff in my drafts 🫧❄️🪽🤍🐚🎧

[hoes4lino]

Do you wanna share a towel? | LMH

WARNING ⊂✦⊃ This story contains nsfw content; minors please don’t interact, please beware of what you consume online.

Genre: Childhood friends to Enemies to Lovers

Word count: 2k

Summary: it’s spring break and your mom and her best friend decide to rent an airbnb to spend the week in, everything sounds great until you realize Minho has to tag along.

A/N: pretty little liars inspired me to come back from death and write this fic hope y’all enjoy <3

It was a cloudy day on a Sunday morning the weather didn’t look the best, a heavy storm coming its way. You finish packing your stuff as you stare at the window, the light rain and the dim lights of the porch bringing some type of comfort to your heart.

*Ding*

The light of your phone lights up at the notification, you grabbed it to see a text from the person you hoped not hearing from today… specially this early.

lifeless hoe: don’t think im texting you cause i want to.

lifeless hoe: my mom’s phone ran out of battery, she told me to warn you and your mom about the storm

lifeless hoe: we already in the house, so she will be waiting for you, stay safe (that’s meant for your mom btw) <3

You roll your eyes at his texts and reply back with a simple k.

Its not like you hate him, but he seems to not like you at all and you been trying to figure out why. He and you been knowing each other since kids, both your moms are best friends and therefore you two had no choice but to grew up together. As kids the two of you had a cute friendship but as both of you reached puberty the friendship started to die, both of you being too busy with friends, parties and relationships to focus on your childhood friendship. You realized Minho didn’t like you anymore the moment you started dating one of his friends, he suddenly became distant and he would never told you why. When you broke up with his friend he seemed to calm down a little bit, but the coldness was always there.

Preparing your favorite book and your Spotify playlist you place your stuff in the car, ready for the long roadtrip, making your calculation you assumed you will be there by dinner, depending on how strong is the storm. The sounds of the droplets hitting the car roof as you listened to your favorite song and stared outside the window; made you feel at peace, your eyes slowly closing as you drift into peaceful sleep. Thats until someone abruptly opens the car door almost making you fall from it.

“Wake up sleeping beauty” someone said with a mocking tone, adjusting your vision you look up to see no other but Lee Minho.

You scoff “out of all people, you are the first one i have to see in this trip” you yawn as you stretch looking around a little bit confused.

“Ok ok, can you hurry the fuck up? The rain just calmed down and you been sleeping here for an hour now” he said impatiently as he hold an umbrella and your suitcase on the other hand.

As you get out of the car and walked under his umbrella you speak up to break the awkward silence “so you telling me… we arrived an hour ago and my mom didn’t wake me up?” You said in confusion with a little bit of betrayal in your tone.

“Yeah… my mom came to greet your mom and they just walked back to the house, this whole time they thought you were with me” he chuckled a little bit as he started to walk fasted.

“YAH walk slower im getting wet” you complain as you try to match his steps “oh really” he said teasingly, he stopped and looked at you directly in your eyes “bet” he said, making you raise an eyebrow in confusion; suddenly he started running leaving you couple centimeters behind with no umbrella.

“YAH LEE MINHO” you screamed as you chased him down the rain, that’s when you knew it was about to be a long week.

————————————————————————————————————————————

It was 8pm from that same day, you were in your bathroom about take a shower when someone knocked on the door “occupied” you said as the door started to open.

“My bad, i need to take a shower and this is the only bathroom with hot water” he said as he took off his shirt and place his towel on the counter besides you.

“Well if you haven’t noticed, im also about to take a bath, wait till your turn you creep” you roll your eyes trying to push him away but he is heavier than you thought. Suddenly you catch him looking around the bathroom, making you mimic his movements.

“Well” he emphasized the word “in case you haven’t noticed you didn’t brought a towel” he paused thinking if the next thing he had to say was worth it “do you wanna share a towel?” He said in a very teasing way, his eyes piercing right through yours and his smirk seductively as ever.

The moment you moved your gaze to your blushing self in the mirror you wanted to die.. this can’t get any worse.

“You win. Im leaving” you said a bitter tone as you send him a death stare, however as you are about to leave the bathroom, you hear your mom barging in your room.

“y/n” she said, as suddenly Minho leans towards your ear and whispers “oh oh, think what your mom will think if she comes in and sees her daughter with her best friend son in the bathroom while he is half naked” he chuckled as he started to undress and get in the shower.

“You asshole” you swear under your breath, your mom knocking the door “y/n, I need my phone I left it there charging while I showered, im going in” she said, as you panicky entered the shower with Minho there.

He looked at you in surprise as he didn’t thought you would dare to join him, you could see his intentions to say something so you got closer and covered his mouth with your hand while your mom walked through the bathroom.

“Dinner is at 9:30pm please don’t be late, see you there honey” with that she finally exited the bathroom, a huge relieve hovering you as you didn’t get caught.

“You asshole, you almost set us up for trouble” you cry in desperation. “See I wouldn’t mind you scolding me, if I wasn’t naked and if I couldn’t see your nipples through your white shirt” you look down to were his eyes were focusing on, to see your white tank top fully drenched in water reveling your tits to him.

For a second you forgot everything and stared at the man infront of you, lips slightly parted, dark brown eyes, wet brown hair that slightly covered his eyes and moving down you saw his honey tone chest covered with water droplets that would slide all the way down to his… STOP

you brought yourself back to reality “mom said dinner is at 9:30…” you paused not even knowing what you are saying “we can’t be late” you are about to leave the shower, when you felt his hand grabbing your wrist “she said don’t be late” he said, you look at him confused “just shower with me” he finishes making you die of laugher “thats the stupidest idea you ever came with” you laugh at him “hey why? our moms used to bath us together when we were kids to save time” he argued back “Minho we were 3… things have changed now” you scoff.

“Oh so you are saying that if you bathed with me you will want to fuck me?” He raised a brow “what?! No!! NEVER” you argue back “actually I think you will be the one having THAT problem” you smirk at him, kinda like daring him to see who would cave into temptation first “BET” he says.

With that you agree to his little game, undressing yourself painfully slow, can feel his eyes hovering your body, as you remove all your cloth, once being fully naked you walk closer to him startling him.

“What? I need to get under the shower, if not how else am I supposed to get wet?” You give him an innocent look and thats when he knew he was screw.

As the hot water starts pouring down your body, you bend down fully letting Minho have a view of your back shot, he could feel his body starting to betray him, but he refused to give in first, he wanted you to be the one begging for him touch. You stood back up with your loofah full with soap, slowly moving it everywhere in your body, his eyes hypnotized by the movement.

“What? Already losing” you smile at him, your ego being boosted by the type of power you had on him, that was until you suddenly gasp, as you feel him caging you, your front being pressed against the glass wall of the shower and him being behind you.

“Im sorry, I just needed to grab the shampoo” you turn to look at him scoffing “you definitely did that on purpose” you glare at his eyes “maybe, but I know what you being doing” he took a step closer “or am I wrong” he titled his head as he caressed your cheek “oh so you are the first one to give in huh” you smile as he laughed “will see” he said as you raised a brow in confusion, with that he suddenly touched your pussy and started teasing your clit as he kissed your neck and ears. You swore you could see the stars, the way his finger moved in a circular way on your clit and the way his tongue danced on your neck, desperate moans begging for more. Thats when suddenly a tap on your shoulder startled you and you woke up.

“Having a wet dream?” You see the man laying next to you and blood rushed over to your cheeks… it was… all a dream… you were having a wet dream with MINHO.

he chuckled… “don’t worry I also have those with you pretty often, just relax, we have the whole week in this house for ourselves” he teased as he got up from your bed “dinner is ready” were his last words as he left the room leaving you dumbfounded and with an aching core.

[candyeyeunicornskull]

"The self-reflection on the Introspection." & "Childish to the heart"

|| inner healing part 1 ||

"I wasn't so surprised that swap was being nice to me, I'm surprised on that he wants to be friends with me after what I have done. What's worse is that he walked in on me, doing self-therapy in my notes and papers. he hugged me and told me he was so proud of me. And he just...cried, he cried so hard. I have never in my whole life been so embarrassed and cringed by my own self. I don't like being vulnerable, it's reasonable. I just don't wanna be taken advantage of. And swap? He blindly risks it all by simply being fucking nice to them! Sometimes I'm wonder if he has...and if he did. why did he continues to be nice to people? I won't ever understand optimistic people. Sometimes I secretly worry for him, as a person whose been in their head alot, for years. It isn't fun, it's painful, torture process to crawl out of. I can tell, he's recently doing the same. There is no other reason for him to talk to me, unless he wants to know through my experience and advice. Because to him, I'm a "bad boy" who knows alot and dealt with alot of bullshit. I'm like the worst version of him, his the best version of me. I'm not a idoit and either he is. But honestly, I could give a shit less, I got free pizza from him and now we're watching the X-files. I'll. . .appreciate him more. For being here at least." 

------------------------------------------------------------

I stand outside in the cold snow, the snow was piling up onto my shoulders and coat. It was getting dark as the sunsets to dawn. I was waiting for the red light just to cross down the street, I looked in glass of the window and see my own self-reflection that didn't belong to me. It's a shadow of me, of someone toxic and abusive I used to be. a monster beyond redemption. noone understands me better then I do, I won't understand why people wanted to be friends with me. being trapped in this body and have a brain that is strongly against me is already insufferable and suffocating. I know something is wrong me and there's more. But I'm fine. I'm okay, it's all in my head. I'm in a safe place, I'm not in danger.

Why am I panicking over nothing again?

There's nothing to fight for.

..Five. I see a trash can, window, snowman, a red car, and a tree. Four...I'm a holding a bag, I can feel plastic, I feel my jacket against my bones..its warm. Fuck, I don't know what else. Okay okay okay so I'm...swapfell and it's 2013, December 9th.10:45 pm.

I'm safe, I'm fine. I see the colors of red, white, blue sky , and green. I see Christmas lights...I'm safe, just stop looking in the reflection. It's just a Hallucination, I'm fine.

I am okay. I'm here today.

I'm gonna walk across the street now.

I am safe.

Just bringing dounts to my friends.

I'm just. . . .annoyed and exhausted with myself today. I can't even FUCKING handle my own mood swings! NO... no.

Just bring the dounts to our friends and shut the fuck up...

Why do they even like me?

{{It's kinda vent/but not really since I was planning to kidnapped sfg and make a story about mental health issues. But I am kinda projecting onto him and Fluttershy 👹but you won't know. If it's me or the character, OR THE LYRICS HA THATS RIGHT. Anyways I was aggressively inspired by "bit of a monster" by vylet pony. This drawing was supposed to be experimental with a new brush, and such. I felt so comfortable and brave enough with it, I honestly feel like I can draw any pose in it♡ so I'm sorry if anything is off with the pose and such, this was supposed to be a fun drawing I WAS AGGRESSIVELY INSPIRED BY VYLET PONY SO MEANING FULL SHIT SO HA}}

[auspex]

fuck it discord rant with no context (feel free to ask for context) about my last session

AAAAAAAAa

ok little context: mark and cassidy driving home from mission where the anarch party they were investigating got raided by camarilla so they have to take the long way home. also, mark juts got a text from sampson that they need to talk. otherwise good luck making sense of this if u havent heard mark rants before.

-

Mark learned: -Cassidy turned in 1853 california -loves older western movies, NOT spaghetti westerns except once upon a time in th west -loves detective novels; steven king -has larger goals that he doesnt want to say due to mark's sire having a short leash on him lol -guessed mark was about 5 years dead, mark told him it was less than a year. cassidy was pretty surprised lol -cassidy asked marks goals and what he wanted. mark talked abt goals of stability, and knowing whats going on in the city. talked around it but basically said he also wanted someone he felt he could actually talk to T_T This is what inspired lighter covnersation abtmovies and books -cassidy invited him to WATCH A MOVIE W HIM AT THE CINEMA LOVE WINS (NOT A DATE FOR SURE UNLESS?) -

Now its time to talk to sampson on the next night

due to something julius did mark has to shelter some anarchs in the sewers on his territory. he made it clear the SEWERS only. theyve been moving in.

anyway marks goes to the bar. theres some sketchy ppl outside .oh god. anarchs not listening to directions? THATS CRAZY. Anyway the bar is closed early. it has blinds. many locks. sampson lets mark in and is like. dude. wtf are these people around. ive been seeing htem around and we figured out they were vampires and you said htis place would be safe?? i cant keep doing this???

he's like i know its not all always your fault or things happen in spite of you but what am i supposed to do? i cant live like this again? what am i supposed to do?? And marks just like look anarchs have been moving in city wide ill deal with this and . sampson presses and hes like deal with them how. and marks like IDK kick them out? kill th- and sampsons like YES KILL THEM you killed that one random person cant you kill kindred on your territory?

like OOF that 1 ONE murder lives in his head dsakjfsfdkjds

he's crying, also, ends up saying 'after all this i dont want to talk to you again, i know you bring me stuff to keep me alive' and then be breaks down MORE like REALLY sobbing

so mark gives him a little time to compose himself. then gets all cold and is basically like. so be it. ill still have to see you monthly, but we can try to limit it. but then sampsons like. "I dont know. I just. dont know what to do. i cant sleep with these guys out there all the time" and mark is like "do you want me to deal with them right now?" and smaspons like "yes" so. mark leaves to deal with them!

he grabs piece of shit tony who is supposed to be helping manage this territory. tony says the guys claimed he invited him there, so mark has to explain how they are allowed in the sewers but no where else. and that he wants the three in front of the plaza dealt with Tonight. they work out a deal. tony drives around collecting ghouls and plays this song.

the ghouls are wearing ski masks and have various weapons. he assigns them an order. and turns up the music and they start FUCKING those guys up. first guy modified his glock to be semi automatic? one gets downed immedaitely. 3 other ghouls approach with melee weapons. one gets killed sadly but all the kindred who were loitering by the bar get torpored in short order. Tony is pissed and yells at a corpse about whose gonna pay to replace his ghoul? Ooffff. but yeah mission done. tony says to mark to get out of his car.

He does so. returns to bar. SESSIONEND

SESSION END!

THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET TO TALK! im sure they are shook by the Incredible Violence outside but whatever

DSLKFJDSLFSD

[59candelas]

November Snow-Tommyinnit x !Reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was NOT requested but I was inspired because it started snowing a few months ago in November! ,And the idea just came to me.

Genre: 🥀Angst-Fluff🌷

Characters: Tommyinnit, Reader.

⚠️Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, swearing, slight panic attack, nightmares.

POV: Mostly 2nd person.

Summary: You and Tommy get into a fight and you have nightmares without him being there and go to the coffee shop to calm down whilst seeing someone..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE!”

Was all you could say before Tommy said something back at you.

“ITS NOT MY GOD DAMN FAULT YOU’RE WILL’S SISTER! WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE!”

Was what Tommy said before you spitting something else back at him.

“I’M NOT THE ASSHOLE THAT WON’T TELL CHAT WE’RE DATING! YOU’RE JUST FUCKING WORRIED YOU’LL LOSE YOUR GOD DAMN CHANNEL, I GUESS YOU LOVE CHAT MORE THAN ME HUH!?”

“IF IT WASN’T FOR YOUR FUCKING ASSHOLE BROTHER I WOULD HAVE ALREADY TOLD CHAT!”

“DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER THAT WAY! ITS NOT HIS FAULT, HES JUST TRYING TO PROTECT ME AND HIM FROM OUR GOD DAMN “PARENTS” THAT JUST FUCKING LEFT US IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!”

Thats all it took for you to burst into tears and run off to your shared bedroom.

As soon as you ran off Tommy left, slamming the door hard, leaving you there by yourself, in your room at night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time Skip To Sleeping

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up, in a cold sweat. It was 7:32 PM. You were alone, and you had just had another god damn nightmare.

You had a mini panic attack before going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Thats when you remembered what a horrible thing you’ve done. To Tommy, and even to yourself.

You figured you could go out, and get some coffee to calm yourself. Not worried about the cold weather, you quickly grabbed your shoes, and went out into the cold weather.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time Skip To The Coffee Shop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you arrived, all you could smell was the fresh coffee being made in the kitchen. You quickly ordered your favorite drink. A pumpkin spice moca with extra wipped cream.

You were going to go sit, when something, or someone, caught your eye. Tommy.

You almost bursted into tears when you saw him, thinking what he could do to you.

You sat next to him since he saw you, you were the first to speak.

“Hi..”

He waited a moment before responding.

“Hey.”

“How are you, Toms…?”

“I’m…fine.”

“O-okay.”

You then started.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t think about what I said, and I realized it was so mean, and just all fucked up, and its all my fault.”

“…”

“I’m sorry too, and its not your fault, I shouldn’t have talked about your brother that way, I know you guys are really close, and he would never do anything to hurt you, or this relationship.”

As you guys finished up, Tommy took you outside to go home, and calm down for the night.

“Brrr. Its cold out here.”

You said.

“Well, it is 11* out here and your wearing a shirt, and shorts.”

“Well that explains it.”

“Here.”

Tommy took off his hoodie, and gently put it on you.

“Th-Thanks, Toms.”

“No problem, I don’t really want the love of my life to freeze out here.”

Then you both fell out giggling as a snowflake fell on your nose.

“Look! A snowflake!”

You shouted.

“Snow? In November?”

Tommy questioned.

You quickly ate the snowflake as more fell on the both of you.

“Tommy! Come on!”

He gave you a confused look before you pulled him towards you, put his arms on your waist, and put your arms on his neck to start dancing with him in the snow.

“I love you Toms.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

He said as he pulled you in for a romantic kiss.

-59Candelas

Thank you for reading this! Have a nice day, and happy new year! 🎆

[linopetal]

lily calla’s.

genre : mostly angst ( ? )

pairings : na jaemin x reader

warnings : mentions of underage drinking , cursing , like one mention of making out , cheating

word count : 1.8k

authors note : oh wow :O this fic is personal in a way 2 me bc its based off of something that happened to me - today in class i saw a sight and it brought up old feelings which inspired this fic. i hope you enjoy it <3 !

you vividly remember the first time you had met na jaemin. it was your first day in the first grade. you had been so nervous. you were often quite , not outgoing at all , you didnt know how to react when you walked into a classroom full of people. everyone had introduced themselves. but one person stuck out to you , na jaemin. you remember the smile plastered on his face when the bell rang for recess. you ran straight towards the monkey bars. when you looked right behind you , there he was. he slowly walked up towards you with a big welcoming smile on his face, “ hi im jaemin , nice to meet you “ he said. “ oh um im y/n “ you nervously spoke. that had been your first encounter with the black haired boy. and that had been the start of your blossoming love for him.

in the sixth grade , your mom took you to a halloween carnival. you vividly remember the purple and black witch costume your mom made you. you loved that costume. halloween was one of your favorite holidays and times of the year , you always loved trick or treating and getting candy. your mom had decided to take you to a near by carnival. as soon as you got there , you ran to find soonyoung , your best friend since kindergarten. “ y/n do you want to go play go fish ? “ , soonyoung asked you. “ of course “ , you responded. you remember your poor skills of attempting to throw the ping pong ball into the water. after 5 tries you finally decided to give up. but around that time , you saw in the corner if your eye jaemin walking up to you. you had felt butterflies overcrowd your heart. “ hey y/n , i beat i can win you one ! “ he said joyfully. and again you were so happy. you remember him winning you a goldfish. you decided to name it nana after him. you kept that goldfish for years.

in the tenth grade , you remember that you were finally planning to confess. after years of being in denial for how you felt , you finally accepted it was time to tell him. you were mistaken. you and jaemin were only mutual friends , never reaching passed that stage. you didnt talk consistently. so you were taken aback when he randomly walked up to you one day during lunch. you thought that maybe this could be a good time. he looked happy today , maybe you would not receive a bad response. again , you were mistaken. when he finally reached you , he said words that broke you just a little , “ hey y/n ! do you know what somin’s favorite flower is ? i heard you two were friends and i wanted to get her something for her birthday since i kind of like her “ , he said nervously , scratching his head. you gulped , completely overwhelmed with feelings. of course you were happen he liked someone. somin was always kind and funny. how could he not like her ? she was particularly perfect. in this moment , you felt far from even remotely decent. you sighed and looked up with a fake smile , “ of course ! she always told me how she loves lily calla’s ! “ , you said , attempting to try your best at acting fine. beauty....thats what they represent , somin was beautiful. you were decent. she offered more than you could ever. “ thank you y/n “ he smiled and walked off.

you remember how you dreaded the eleventh grade. that year was something you could never forget. jaemin and somin were known as the best couple there was in the school. in class , they always were hand in hand every second and you hated it. it had been so many years yet you still loved him. and how ? you dont even know. but during that school year , you had finally decided something.

you had noticed this boy in your algebra class. his name was lee donghyuck. he was always so funny. he made jokes that could make you laugh endlessly. one day you had decided to ask him out. you knew you werent over jaemin , but you also knew you never had a chance. so you told yourself “ fuck it “ and went for it.

it was an impulsive decision, did it matter to you tho ? no. you nervously walked up to donghyuck with your hands in your pocket as he was putting his books in his locker. “ what do you want y/n “ , he said smirking “ “ hm i was thinking about if you want to go out with me on friday night ? “ you tilted your head towards him , “ i guess so “ he said smiling , “ see you then at eight , pick me up “ you said.

those were all members because now its your senior year and you finally had a boyfriend , couldnt you be more happy ? truthfully , you werent as happy as you planned. you were not over jaemin. you didnt think you ever would be. you tried to fall for hyuck , it was just hard. jaemin had been your one sided first love. but you still tried to love hyuck.

there was a party hyucks friend jaehyun was throwing. he had asked you to come as his date. you were beyond excited since parties with donghyuck had become a usual thing. he had helped you branch out of your shell and get out and experience things more. you were grateful.

you had decided to bring him coffee this morning to discuss him letting you stay at his place friday night after the party. as you were walking up to him , you noticed the change in his mood. why had he been acting strange lately ? for the last week , every time he looked at you , he seemed so uncomfortable as if he didnt want to be around you. you chose to ignore it and let it be. “ hey i brought you coffee like you like it “ , you said smiling “ thanks “ he said shortly , you chose to think he wasnt having a good day. after a few minutes of dry responses from him , you got fed up and left for class , you hoped this week didnt suck.

wrong. friday came along and you felt unusually odd. soonyoung had messaged you about her coming over to get ready for the party with you. as soon as you heard the doorbell ring , you ran towards it. “ soonyoung hi come in “ , “ you look so good “ you said “ no you please “ you both laughed and headed to your room to get ready. “ hey soonyoung , im starting to feel like donghyuck doesnt like me anymore “ you said pouting , “ really , ive seen the way he has acted lately. i hope its just a short phase “ she said patting your shoulder , “ yea me too “ you said slightly smiling. “ you look so hot woah come on lets go “ she said.

arriving at the party , you went straight to find hyuck. you had asked a couple of people where he could have been yet you hot no replies. you decided to wait it out and hopefully he would show up later. you went to grab a drink for yourself when all of a sudden you ran into someone “ oh- oh wait im so sorry “ you said , “ oh no its fine “ the male said and i soon as you looked at him you noticed it was jaemin , “ oh hi jaemin “ “ hi “ he said while chuckling , “ have you seen donghyuck “ “ have you seen somin “ you both said in unison. laughing you both shook your heads no. he looked so beautiful , you thought. you looked so pretty , jaemin thought.

“ well im going to go look for donghyuck “ you waves bye and headed towards the upstairs. you thought maybe he went to use the bathroom. again , wrong. as you walked farther up the stairs , you noticed heavy breathing. at first you were concerned so you made your way to the room you heard it from. as soon as you cracked the door open , you were met with a sight you didnt think you would ever have to see. somin and hyuck in a heavy make out session. “ what the literal fuck “ you steadily said loudly as you opened the door. “ yn i swear its not what you - “ hyuck tried to say but someone cut you off. “ what’s happening here ? “ a male said. as you turned around jaemin was right behind you. “ jaemin - are you sure “ he softly pushed you aside and witnessed the sight for himself. “ what the hell somin ?! i did nothing to you and you pull this shit. “ he said angrily , “ its not my fault you are inlove with the fucking bitch behind you. i needed someone who could love me not you “ she spat out. “ w-what “ you said. “ jaemin you l-love me ? “ you eyes widened. you heart swelled. you didnt know what to feel so you just run outside with him running after you. “ yn wait please ! “ he scream , “ you waited so long ? jaemin why didnt you tell me earlier ? “ you said out of breathe , “ because we never talked , okay i didnt think you liked me back and i still dont think you do “ he said , “ jaemin ive been inlove with you for as long as i can remember. “ you said tearing up and walking towards him , “ r-really ? “ , you nodded hugging him “ yes jaemin , i love you “ he smiled back at you and kissed your forehead , “ i love you too , now come on let me take you home before you get so cold “ he said “ your too perfect na jaemin , too perfect “ you both smiled. “ oh and jaemin , lily calla’s were always my favorite “ you said softly smiling , “ yea ive always known “ . many things were wrong in this world. you and jaemins mere love for each other was not one of them.

[johnbroutledge]

I started answering on the post but Tumblr ate it twice so here's hoping third time is the charm. Also, this turned into an essay, bc I really care for you and wanted to get it all in.

So, as to the drabble "flopping"; I feel you, it always hurts when that happens. But there's a few factors to consider, which is to say stuff outside of your control going on. The first being: Tumblr's not the best place for posting fic. It used to be pretty good, but those days are past; ironically the tagging system improving contributed to that. Before people had to reblog or like posts to find/be able to find later. Now they can actually search for it. The second is naturally that the nsfw ban scared a lot of writers off and people stopped feeling this place for fic so much (not to mention the rise of discourse also did that).

The next is simply, as ever, timing. I used to work in community management (long story) so I am a nerd that looks into the analytics and: https://miraculousfanworks.tumblr.com/post/627913410660663296/attract-those-readers-when-to-post-on-ao3#:~:text=How%20many%20stories%20were%20in,from%2012pm%20to%205pm%20PST. Despite it being an AO3 reason, I've found it holds true for Tumblr too, when I link my fic. Late in the day on humpday just means less traffic overall.

And finally, and this is the painful bit: it's a small fandom. Especially when you compare it to 911 which I think you likely are. I've been suffering from the same myself lately, I've posted what feels like some personal best fic............for teeny fandoms and niche pairings and ten people. Add to that that the show is both off season rn, and, the real kicker, is not a weekly airer. You've noticed how the weekly episode of 911 then has a corresponding uptick of making and consuming of fanworks. Simply put, there's new content so there's new material to work with and people are going "huh that was a cliffhanger, let's soothe it with fic". OBX is netflix and thus generally has a big burst of creation around it dropping then a longish tail and then little radio noise until then. The Witcher is a good comparison, but has two factors going for it: related media (books and video games) and big name stars. OBX is, basically, a lil kayak doing its best. But there's simply not as many people who consume fanwork for it.

Now love, and writing, is never wasted! Every word is a gift you give yourself and your skills. But I wanted to give you a sort of "cold logic" of why that reaction might be what it is, COMPLETELY separate from your actual work or the quality of it you may perceive.

Which was a very long winded way of saying: our reward based ape brains love the numbers. But the numbers come from lots of places. What matters, and what we can't quantify, is how much people loved it. The people creeping on your page and rereading it for the sixth time right now. The ones that messages it to friends. The ones that will think about it, out of the blue for ages. Maybe years. There's no counter for that. Keep creating <3

This might be the most helpful thing anyone could’ve said to me. It’s hard for me to not equate “success” or interaction to my self worth and my skill and I needed like logical factual reasons why it may not be doing well. I knew all along it’s a tiny fandom and I’ve seen with gifsets that interaction isn’t great rn even if you have 8634346323 followers, but idk, I just. I feel like a little kid bringing macaroni art to her mom and hoping she loves it. I was so proud of putting words on paper and like, was immediately like why is no one here to see it. And historically I’m awful to myself anyway, a thing thats exacerbated by like past trauma and shit so. And you’re right, I was kind of I guess thinking 911 numbers in my head and that’s not logical either.

I love this fandom and I haven’t been so inspired by a fandom in a long time so I’m gonna keep writing, if for no reason than I just want to. But I’d be lying if I told you the lack of interaction isn’t gonna be hard for me every single time too. Because that’s just how my shitty brain works I live with one finger on the self destruct button at all times.

Thank you so much for sending this, it really did help. Might fuck around and post the fic to ao3 or something 👀.

[deviatedwinter]

Not what I imagined

(Matt Taylor x Reader)

!! My Gif

Summary: Reader is freezing in the mines looking for Matt

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: a few swears, just overall grim circumstances but if you're a fan of Until Dawn you're used to it ;)

Slightly inspired by @untildawnwrites-blog !

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The screeching of metal brought you back to your senses.

You were clinging to a fallen fire tower that was slowly being swallowed by a dark ravine. Your  legs were folded underneath you as your boots rested on the decrepit railing, your hands gripping the deck. 

Just moments earlier you were with your friends Matt and Emily using the radio, trying to call for help. There was a psycho on the mountain who wanted to harm you and your friends. He had already gotten to Josh.. 

Shortly after a ranger received your cries, the tower fell.

You had been on the outside when you were startled by movement below. Something fast and strong had severed the tower's cables.

When the tower fell, it was as if it was falling on top of you. You clung to the building as the darkness of the ravine was thrown towards you.

Now, clinging to the rusted metal, you prayed that your friends were safe. Emily had been on the other side of the tower, so hopefully she must've jumped onto the snowy banks of the ravine before the tower totally sank.

Matt.

You cried out his name, hoping he was alright and hoping he could help you.

You heard a cough, and then some curses above you.

You then caught a glimpse of his violet jacket as he called your name out into the darkness.

"I-im here!" You cried, starting to feel heat emmenating from the small flames that licked the tower's interior.

"H-hold on, I'm coming!" You heard him grunt as the tower began to slowly creak.

You fought the urge to look down, knowing the drop was far. Instead, you tried to steady your breathing, the warm air from the flames mixing in with the frigid mountain draft.

Finally, you heard Matt above you.

"I'll try to get to you, just hold on!" He explained. You could just barely see his face above you once you craned your neck.

"Matt! Be careful!" You warned, not wanting his fate to be the same as yours.

A sickening creak sent your stomach spiraling in dread, but it was quickly interrupted when you saw a flash of movement above you.

A white sleeve, covered in grime followed by a beckoning hand awaited you.

"Grab my hand! I'll pull you up!"

Eagerly, you straightened out your legs to reach up and grab his hand.

That was your mistake.

At the sudden movement and shifting of weight, the railing you had rested upon gave way. A scream ripped from your throat, and suddenly Matt was growing smaller and smaller, and the cold wind bit at your skin. Above the sound of the air rushing past, you could've sworn you heard your name being cried out.

This was it. This is how you die.

You squeezed your eyes shut, expecting to be met with hard stone, a sickening crack.

But instead, you felt the stone for a split second before being enveloped by icy liquid. It invaded your lungs, the bitter coldness stabbing at you like thousands of needles. Finally, you managed to swim upwards, your body expelling the water inside your lungs with a retch.

You took a few moments to take in your situation. You were in a river at the very bottom of the ravine, it being mostly dark except for the flaming tower far above and the slivers of moonlight. The current was slow and there were several stalagmites poking through the water's surface. You were relieved you hadn't landed on any of them.

Water was still in your ears, your hearing mostly muffled. You once again could've sworn you could hear your name being called out. 

Quickly, you regained most of your senses before trudging to shore, the shrill creaking of the tower above you loud enough to cut through your suppressed hearing. As you climbed onto the cold bank, your body trembled from the severe cold. Pain also shot up your legs and spine, your muscles sore from the impact of the fall.  The freezing water had clung to you like plastic wrap, and crystals slowly began to form on your clothing. With chilly hands, your patted your ears as you tilted your head, your hearing coming back with a pop. 

You yelped as a loud crash was heard behind you, sending a spray of freezing water onto your already soaked body.

The tower had fallen into the shallow water, causing waves to lap at the bank. There was a hiss as flames were meeting their demise at the contact of water.

You needed to find warmth. 

But alas, any surviving flames were in the middle of the river and in the process of being snuffed out. 

Behind you was a mineshaft, and to your right were sluices and a large decrepit water wheel. At least other people had been here before, maybe there was a way out.

Wrapping your arms around yourself, you slowly made your way into the shaft, your eyelashes begainning to feel heavier as the water droplets trapped in them froze. You shakily slid your hand over your back pocket, suprised to feel the outline of your phone, but immediately your hopes were dashed, remembering how long you were in the water. Would it still even work? 

You pulled it out anyway, your numbed finger pressing the power button for any signs of life.

Your heart lept when your lockscreen showed up, thank god for your waterproof phone case. 

shakily you turned on the flashlight, its small beam making the trek in the tunnel easier. You began feeling the effects of the cold, your clothes feeling like they were made of mesh as your skin was nipped by the chill. 

You watched your breathe come out in clouds, your lips feeling chapped as your toes and digits became numb. You had to find warmth. You had to find Matt.

You whimpered, hoping your friend was okay. You hadn't seen him at the bottom of the ravine, could he have jumped off onto a ledge? 

"Matt?" You called out to the air, your voice dripping with fear. Your hope began to fade, and despair settled in. It wasn't fair, you wanted him to know how you felt, how much you cared for him. But as far as you knew, he could be dead, and this could be your last night on Earth. 

It felt like you had been walking for hours. Your body ached, and the temperature seemed to be dropping by the minute. However, the shaft appeared to slowly rise at an incline, could you be getting closer to the surface?

Your steps had turned clumsy, your mind foggy as you tried to navigate the underground systems. You had no doubt that you were succombing to hypothermia, it would only be a matter of time before you stumbled off a ledge or passed out completely. You could've sworn that you heard screeches in the distance, but you blamed it on your deterriorating mind, and maybe bats. 

You found yourself at a cavern, mining equipment strewn about as if the miners would come back  any minute, if you didn't take in account the rust and rotting wood. 

Your body was tired, you just wanted to curl up and hopefully find warmth that way. So that's what you did. 

You lowered yourself on the hard ground next to a few decaying crates, your body shivering as you brought your legs to your chest. The ice that had formed on your clothing was splintering and falling away from your movement, another reminder on how totally frozen you were. You were engulfed in darkness once you shut off your phone. Sleep beckoned you to its peaceful grasp, and you eagerly fell into it. 

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Matt made his way down a dark mineshaft, the lantern in his hand giving in some warmth in the bitter night. At every turn, he meekly called out for his lost friends, especially one of them.

The person he was head over heels over, that he promised himself wouldn't get hurt under his watch, was down here somewhere, and most likely dead. The person who he had planned to confess his feelings to by the warm fire, or under the stars while gazing at the mountains. 

He wasn't good enough.

That's all he could think about as he traversed the spindling corridors, his heart sinking with every step. He was right there, he could have done something. 

Right after the teenager had witnessed his friend fall into the darkness, he leapt to a nearby platform to avoid being brought down with the tower. He had laid on his chest, peering over into the abyss and crying out their name, his heart breaking with the silence that answered him back.

But he had swallowed the tears. He had to be tough, there was no sense in him dying as well, although a part of him felt like it.  He had found a lantern and was now trying to find a way out. Finally, after some time, he wandered into an opening, several crates and equipment lying dormant. 

His eyes scanned the cavern before they landed on a mass in the shadows near the crates. Slowly, he crept forward and he jolted as the lantern's golden light fell upon your sleeping form. 

"Oh shit!" He cursed before calling your name, quickly kneeling beside you. Thats when he noticed the ice caked onto your clothes, and how your hair had been frozen stiff. 

He gently shook you, his hands warm and slowly he felt some of the ice underneath his touch begin to melt.

Slowly, your sleepy eyes opened and met his frantic ones, relief washing over them at the sight of you awakening.

"Matt..?" you whispered, your voice a hollow rasp of what it usual was. 

"You're alive.." he breathed, still in shock but relief washing over him in waves

"How the fuck are you still alive..?" he asked softly with bewilderment, taking note of your coldness and quickly shedding his letter jacket.

"Water..I fell in..water.." Was all that you could muster as Matt helped you peel your shaking arms out of your soaked coat, replacing it with his dry one.  His body heat that was absorbed by the wool warmed you, your gaze falling onto him.

"What about you..? You're gonna be cold.." 

He gave you one of his gentle smiles before helping you up.

"I'll be fine, I still got this denim jacket and my sweater. Don't worry about me." 

The familiar pain shot up your spine as you stood, your posture faltering before a pair of arms wrapped around you, keeping you steady. 

"Can you walk?" He asked gently, surprised by your fragile state.

"It hurts.." You whimpered, hating that he had to see you this way. But the pain, the cold, it was all eating at your effort to stay strong.

Matt felt his heart once again snap in two, his eyes taking on the puppy dog appearance that you'd grow accustomed to. 

You yelped slightly as he picked you up, his arms looping under your knees as he held you bridal style. 

"Matt-" 

"It's fine, I got you. I saw a light further down the shaft, we're almost out I think. Can you hold this for me? it might keep you warm." He removed an arm from underneath your back to grab the lantern, gently allowing your hand to wrap around its handle. Once you were situated, he got up with hardly a grunt. Even after all the night's terror, he was still strong. 

As he carried you down the shaft, you listened to his breathing, his body heat and the heat from the lamp slowly warming you up and clearing your mind. 

"I don't think there's just a maniac up here.." He said aloud, as if he was talking to himself rather than you in particular.

Your mind went back to the strange shape moving underneath the fire tower before it fell, to the shrieks you had heard echoing in the mine.

"Yeah..theres some..thing.." You replied weakly, fear starting to grip you.

Matt quickly tried to lighten the mood, a small smile returning to his face.

"Yknow, this isn't entirely what I imagined carrying you bridal style would look like." 

Your gaze turned towards his face, the yellow light of the lantern showing you the scratch on his cheek along with the dirt that clung to his skin. His cheeks were flushed in the light. 

"What exactly... did you imagine?" 

He hesitated before answering, another smile twitching at his lips.

"You'd be wearing white, maybe I'm in a tux, flowers and rice being rained on us."

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks as well, them becoming warm despite your body's condition.

"When we survive this, I think that can still be...attainable." 

His joyful smile and reply was cut short by a shriek from behind, the color draining from both of your faces.

"Matt..?" You breathed out, fear gripping you.

His jaw clenched, the cogs in his mind spinning before he ran behind a wall of planks. He quickly set you down and turned the dial on the lantern to dim its light.

Both of you stood still as you heard something scampering on stone behind you. Matt held you close, his breath stalled as the creature screeched, the frail boards the only thing separating you and the monster. 

In the corner of your eye, you saw it. A gaunt, white creature crawled on the wall effortlessly, its limbs scuttling the surface like a spider. It shrieked once more before scampering to another area of the mines.

You slowly let out a breath, and so did Matt, the two of you sharing the same terrified and confused glance. Neither of you cared about what that thing was, you only cared about getting the fuck out of there. 

This time, Matt picked you up once more with haste, your hand barely scooping up the lantern before he stood and ran down the shaft.

You spotted light ahead peaking through some boards, and so did he.

You allowed him to set you down once more, this time standing on your own with the lantern as he backed up. You watched with shaky knees as he broke through the rotting wood with his shoulder, revealing a large outcrop with the lodge in the distance.

Holy fuck, you had wandered back to the lodge all the way from the tower...through the mines??

Matt held out his hand, and you gently took it as you both edged out onto the ledge, relief filling both you, the adrenaline coursing through your veins warming your bodies.

"Is it too soon the check up on your offer?" Matt breathed, his palms meeting his knees as he caught his breathe.

[splicejunction]

Please tell me about shatterstar's Childhood

oh my god anon okay I’m assuming in context of what I’ve recently posted you want like... my version of events rather than what’s canon but just in case I hope you know that there’s basically zero canon material that actually describes his childhood/young adulthood beyond “I was a warrior born” or whatever the fuck. if you want to know about that idk go on the fucken... marvel wiki page or something

also--I hate that I have to put this out here and I doubt anyone would actually do this but just in case--I have spent like 1 million hours thinking about this because I have brain disorders and it is very close to my heart so please do not A) use this in fics, etc without letting me know/getting my permission in advance or B) reblog this post

anyways. this is a can of worms so I’m going to do a cheeky lil

first we have to get something out of the way: I hate the “shatterstar’s his own grandpa” paradox. I am sorry if this angers people but it makes me mad so I ignore it. the reason it bothers me is because it means alison blaire essentially married her grandson, which is A) weird and B) bad from a genetics perspective.

in my version of canon ‘star IS the biological child of longshot and dazzler but longshot wasn’t cloned using ‘star’s DNA because..... oh god... another whole separate post can be made about this but... in my head, on mojoworld the way genetic engineering works is not really the same as it is here. here genetic engineering generally means taking an existing genome and inserting or deleting genes. this is how they make, for example, animals that glow, or confer pesticide resistance to plants.

but on mojoworld I think the way they genetically engineer is more like... the way we mechanically engineer. like the entire organism is built from the ground up. there’s a master genetic blueprint which is essentially the “minimal genome” required for a functioning humanoid. this was created by study of Earth humans by arize and the other genetic engineers. they can then go in and customize by adding elements to the genome that code for the signals/building blocks that control things like height, strength, hair color, eye color, having hollow bones etc. so in my head longshot was sort of... designed with ‘star as the inspiration, but not directly cloned. that wouldn’t even make sense anyways because A) different hair color and B) LONGSHOT HAS 3 FINGERS ON EACH HAND and shatterstar has 4!! thats NOT HOW CLONES WOULD WORK!!!!

(side note, the concept of a minimal functional genome is a real thing in biology! some scientists have taken a bacterium that already has a small genome and reduced it to the minimum size required for viability. here is a wikipedia article on it and here is the original paper (DOI: 10.1126/science.286.5447.2165) which I can explain in more detail because I took a class on synthetic biology which this technically falls under and I had to read this paper very closely).

fuck I’ve written 4 paragraphs and not even talked about his childhood yet. I am so sorry. anyways. so the way I think they raise the gladiators on mojoworld is they create them in batches of 5 to 10 identical copies of a certain “model”, place each copy in a different “class” with a set of 2-3 mentors/teachers, and train them to fight until they are 13 or 14. until this time the only names they have are the names that identify the “model”--like for shatterstar that would be gaveedra-seven where the model identifier is “gaveedra” and he is (in the lore that I have come up with) the 7th of 8 total.

the reason they create multiples and put them in different classes is each mentor is going to have a slightly different style of teaching which is going to work better for some and worse for others, so it allows them to have more mass production while increasing the chances of creating a truly great champion. it’s classic nature versus nurture--the genetic engineers create your nature, but you don’t end up exactly the same as others of your model. maybe you get an edge, maybe you don’t.

another thing that happens is different mentors believe in different ways of raising the kids in their care. shatterstar specifically was raised in a class where there was absolutely zero emotional development at all and no attachments allowed beyond fighting alliances. that’s not the case in all classes, and it also had the effect of making him somewhat of an outsider even within the other gladiators as he got older.

at 13 or 14--and yes I realize this is very fucked up but dude its fucking mojoworld idk what you expected--they start participating in fights. the first ones aren’t to the death and they’re as teams and they’re not usually televised they’re more like high school sports games that are attended by scouts (here, they’re “sponsors”--I think that’s a canonical term but I honestly can’t remember) and if you get sponsored you leave your class and join a new “team” that’s really just a bunch of people who all have the same sponsorship. this is where things can get interesting because they’ve all been raised with slightly different fighting styles but more importantly, slightly different degrees of Personhood.

also at this point I should mention that by this time, there are usually only 2, maybe 3 of each model left. either they died or were recognized as not having talent so they were sent to eventually fulfill other roles in the network. in ‘star’s case there was just him and gaveedra-five. once you get to the stage where you’re sponsored and you’re actually fighting to the death one of the first people you’ll fight is any remaining members of your model group.

by the time you’re the only one left of your group, you’re also eligible to earn a stage name. this usually happens if you have a particularly epic fight with a lot of viewers, you win and the commentators will typically say something like “Let’s give this crowd a real name to cheer!” and they’ll have a few candidate names and they’ll kind of just pick one. AUGH I actually have this scene written out in story form but its too long so I think I’ll save it.... :) 

after you get a name you also get a cool outfit and usually some kind of mark or tattoo that serves as a brand. this brings me to another important point--shatterstar inherited the X-gene from alison and therefore he IS a mutant. his mutation is the swords vibration thing and the glowing eye. the star mark is a tattoo and teleportation is benjamin russell’s mutation (how he fits into all this is... for another post). basically after he got his name the costuming department guys were like “hey your eye glows, you look like the Legendary Warrior of Old, Longshot, we’re gonna pattern your look after him” so they gave him the star tattoo and the outfit that’s literally inverse colors of longshot’s.

also this brings me to another aside: you’re probably wondering “if he’s the biological kid of longshot and alison how are there 8 gaveedras?” when the genetic engineers got a hold on him as a baby they were like Sick! free baby! free genetic material! thats our job done for us! so they cloned him (in the traditional sense) and made 7 copies. this was also to kind of conceal his identity as technically being from outside mojoworld, which would make him stick out and thus be a target. they DID edit out the x-gene in the other gaveedra models though. this wasn’t a problem for ‘star because his mutation didn’t manifest until he was already sponsored.

I think that’s .... pretty much it for macroscopic lore on what it was like to be a kid gladiator on mojoworld. now let me give you some Tidbits of his life specifically:

like I said he was raised in a particularly cold and ruthless class. the mentors that raised him are like well-known by everyone to produce some of the best warriors but also there’s discourse on mojoworld because some people say perfectly emotionless killing machines aren’t as fun to watch. when he was sponsored there were 4-5 others in the same sponsorship and they were like Theres Something Wrong With You LOL

they speak earth languages on mojoworld because they’re imitating the broadcasts they (the spineless ones) used to hear from earth. however, most of the lower-class as well as almost all arena fighters and other television personalities speak cadre or other languages which are native to the planet. the stage names are all vaguely in english, but the gladiators don’t really understand them at first.

shatterstar got his name before he got the glowing eye, and when he learned what stars are, and saw his eye as a little star, he was like wow :) this is Me :) which is why that name is so important to him. it’s also one of the first things that wholly belonged to him.

(you can’t see stars on mojoworld because of light pollution and also because it’s a pocket dimension and there just aren’t that many stars to see)

I hate to bring up the s**ley miniseries but I do think it would be interesting to have him have a sort of ... mentor/first friend, similar to the concept of gringrave but they were NOT in a relationship. it was more like... another kid who was a year or so older than him got a soft spot for him and helped him not be so clueless. she didn’t make as much progress as xforce did, obviously. but they were.... something like friends.

unfortunately she was used by spiral to get shatterstar to murder the first rebel guy who tried to get him out of there. then she got switched sponsors (this can happen) and he had to kill her, and he was like well I will simply never develop any kind of attachment to anyone ever again.

he almost didn’t make it out of the first training session with his sponsorship group (this is semi-canon--there’s a reference when he’s teaching terry to swordfight to almost not surviving the first time he was in a gladiator class or whatever it was).

the closest he ever came to losing was the day he got the name. that’s why the crowds loved it so much.

the double-bladed sword was a gimmick weapon but when he got his mutation they realized it works way better if there’s resonance between two parallel blades so they redesigned it as an actual weapon.

(forgot this but I feel like I should include it) at 17 he escaped the arenas and joined the cadre alliance. two years later he came to earth and joined xforce.

I think that’s going to have to be it for now because it’s literally almost midnight and I have work tomorrow and I did NOT intend to stay up this late but I did. thank you for this opportunity anon :) feel free to ask me any other questions and also I realize a lot of this probably makes no fucking sense and that’s because I am not a writer or anything I’m just a biochemist with brain problems that cause me to obsess over stupid shit

[with-my-calamitous-love]

lunar valleys in my mind

touya x reader

spending the night smoking cigarettes, eating takeout and kissing, you and your lover compare your beliefs on the universe. themes of death and nihilism, drawing from thoughts i’ve been having lately.

inspired by i hate it here

sometimes you feel like his consolation prize.

a lifetime of suffering, of burning up to the seems of his skin. a lifetime of believing comfort is a construct for fools, and finding warmth through setting himself ablaze. perhaps the universe decided to give him something, and perhaps, it was out of pity.

he doesn’t believe in pity, in good luck, in the existence of a god, or even in things being fair to him. he scoffed at those.

but if you truly were something, or rather someone, sent to ease his pain just a little… well, who is he to complain?

you’ve bugged him about smoking indoors, your compromise being that he open up all the windows before even thinking about lighting a cigarette. in turn, you’re cold. but that means you can lean cling to him and his embers for warmth. touya todoroki doesn’t feel cold- he isn’t capable.

he stands next to you, drying the dishes as you wash them. the lights are off, the only source of illumination being the refrigerator door left open. its warm, and that soft buzzing noise adds some ambience. laundry circulates in the back, and the leftovers sit on the counter, waiting to be stored.

“stop half assing it, touya.” you say, watching as we barely wipes the plates with the cloth wet. blue eyes flicker to you, and then back to his hands. just to bother you, he begins not drying them at all, putting them in their cabinets right away.

“oh, go fuck yourself.” you scoff, and he laughs, doing maybe a 2% better job at wiping them dry. “sorry, doll.” he chuckles under his breath, but he’s not sorry for getting you heated. he finds it adorable.

“when i die, i’m gonna haunt you forever.” you declare, playfully flicking water at him. you expect an asshole response from him. and in a way, you do. just not the kind you anticipated.

“you believe in that crap, doll? ghosts?” he says, a tone of finality in his voice.

“well… i think they could be real.” you say. “but i think theres more out there. heaven, reincarnation… the usual.” you hum.

the thought of there being more after death is comforting. in reincarnation, you could be a debutante in another life, one where you wouldn’t have to be scared to go outside. or maybe, theres heaven. that you’ll go to a place full of warmth and light, with a million suns to swallow you whole.

maybe, theres some place better than here.

but touya sighs dismissively, finding your naïveté cute. its always men that think they know everything, don’t they?

“i guess one of us has to have starry eyes.” touya says, extinguishing his cigarette on the ashtray. you can’t blame him for what he thinks, after all he’s been through.

you purse your lips curiously, challenging that notion. “so… what do you think happens after death mr. realist?”

he scoffs, a hint of a bitter smile blooming on his face, setting into his usual cynical expression.

“after death? nothing, doll,” he answers bluntly. “it’s just… lights out. game over. no cosmic beings, no rewards. just…”

“oblivion.” you propose. its the word that comes to mind based on his description.

“yeah. oblivion.” he confirms.

“so what?” you stand beside him, crickets of the night chirping just outside your window. “this is all there is, then?”

he nods, becoming more and more pessimistic as he goes on. “yeah, doll. thats it. oblivion. just nothingness.”

theres a silence that washes over you two as you continue your chores, moving through the house and eventually ending up on the couch, tired.

you want to believe that theres something more. and honestly, sometimes, so does he. its so easy to hate it here, to hate the world and those who inhabit it. so, you go to those secret, sacred gardens in your hearts and in your minds. the kind of place you need a key to get to, and the kind of key you swallow so no one can follow you.

no mid-sized city hopes or small-town fears. nostalgia is a minds trick- theres no point in reminiscing in what decade or moment in your past you would live in if you could. in the 1830s, you’d be freezing, married off to someone for the highest bid. any longer into the future, the world would be in fiery, climate induced ruins. maybe they’d find a better planet, where only the gentle can survive.

“well…” you start. his ears perk up, arms still around you.

“well what? don’t tell me you’re starting to believe me. your optimism was cute.” he chuckles.

“i’d rather have oblivion with you, than have everything alone.” you say.

just then, his smirk falters. he’s used to your stubborn optimism, and in a way, this is that. you’re finding the silver lining, even in cynical nihilism. and he can’t fathom just how you’re doing it.

“you’d… really?” he says, speechless, usual snide remarks replaced by something. wonder.

you nod, leaning your head on his shoulder. “its a pretty thought… heaven, reincarnation, something bigger than us.”

“it is.” he admits. he can’t deny that, even if he thinks that its bullshit. its a beautiful thought, for beautiful fools.

“but its also nice… thinking theres nothing. that one day, the world will collapse into oblivion. we’ll all go who knows where, and fade out from here. and thats a wrap. its the grand finale to it all.”

to your words, he stars up at the ceiling, as if picturing cosmos up before his eyes. he sees saturn’s rings and the moons craters up there. before, he thought that all of it, would turn to dest through the inevitability of death. that everyone would just have to be okay with being alone. but he isn’t alone anymore.

“you know, most assholes would find oblivion terrifying.” touya points out the obvious, chuckling. you nod.

“there is just something about it.” you say, eyes closing, resting. “that sooner or later, all that will be left is the darkness after the show, and the stars, and our dreams, stimulus, and love, everything and nothing, all in the void.”

he sees your sleepy state and takes that as an invitation to close his own eyes, your words not lost on him.

“you make nothing feel like everything.” he utters, lips pressing themselves to the top of your head.

“everything and nothing.” you repeat. “thats us.”

through your words, touya concludes. love can create meaning in a meaningless world. that maybe it isn’t about finding the answers to the universe, or finding out what happens after. maybe you two will go to heaven (though he definitely isn’t), or you’ll end up in the void, fading into nothingness.

there may be nothing in the world, but there’s everything in your love. perhaps the two- everything and nothing- are meant to coexist. love gives meaning to existence, even if it ends in… well, oblivion.

but as he draws your face near, kissing you, touya feels himself in the presence of everything. of a love that transcends even the inevitability of the universe itself.

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚

this is based off of a fictional short story i wrote for one of my classes, which i might post on my personal blog if people enjoy this. in the face of my depression, my struggles, and nothingness, the love i get here means everything. thank you for reading 🪐

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Zookeeper’s Son

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

An iconic personality in the animal conservation scene has a popular zoo that people flock to from all over the world. But this isn't about him, it's about his son. And his son's massive crush. (Cheesy ShinDeku Crush) 

steve irwin inspired au, aka if you didnt know hamlet was australian, you do now

Ok but All Might is basically Steve Irwin in this au, Izuku is a huuuuuge animal fan

Allmight is Izuku’s dad and Inko is his wife and izu hung around animals loads when he was young, 1A are the zoo volunteers

is he like, steve irwin with crocodiles? or something like big cats or wolves. Honestly let's just stick with crocodiles

aizawa is the sleepy big cat handler

mic yells with the birds, mostly his job is actually the PA system but he teaches the birds to talk during his lunch hour, And he runs birds of prey shows

Shinsou comes to the zoo a lot cause he likes watching the tigers and their babies. shinsou giving a bottle of milk to a baby tiger because aizawa needed an extra pair of hands and our boy is crying actual tears because its So Cute

Todoroki was never allowed pets or to go outside much because he has to be a respectable rich boi tm, but he's always loved watching all mights ridiculous nature shows

w a  it

this means

,,,

allmight dies. Damn ok I guess this is getting sad now.

Todoroki goes to the zoo for the first time ever and sees a mural to Allmight and just starts crying

so aizawa has been working at the zoo since izuku was born and was honestly his babysitter a lot with mic and tensei because tensei, the onsite vet, had a little brother the same age. and when the news came in? aizawa's heart sank because this little 6-year-old ball of sunshine didn't have a dad anymore

inko is the badass but soft mum but shes not at home, shes actually on a shoot at the time

izuku is running around the zoo and aizawa just scoops him up and gets him icecream because the kid doesn't know yet and he wants izuku to have 5 more minutes before his world collapses. aizawa lets out a single sob because izuku picked the allmight themed icecream thanks

Aizawa helps Inko around the house as much as possible and drives Izu to school when Inko is having a rough day

All mights animals being depressed cause he's gone and blessed 6-year-old Izu sneaking into a fucking lion enclosure because 'dad would want to cheer them up'

there was a lion cub litter born really close to izuku and allmight dotted on these cubs because he was all soft because his wife was pregnant, there are photos of toddler izuku with these lions. izuku burying his face into one of their manes and crying while the lions lay around him

Aizawa has been interning at the zoo since he was 15 and is 22 when allmight dies. its his first year really "working" there because he just finished uni and hes on fulltime

aizawa thought allmight was going to be kinda snobby but allmight said hi to him every day, remembered his name and attended his uni graduation, told him he was proud and told him he'd never seen anyone as good with the cats as he was

aizawa babysat his kid, saw this man almost every day since he was 15

Ok but what if Inko wakes up in the middle of the night hearing All mights voice. She's freaking out, but then finds Izu rewatching old footage of his dad. Crying but also using them to learn how to be as good with the animals as him

animals a d o r e izuku, all of them

like, even the crows at the park will sit on his shoulders and give him little shiny things the wolves like to lick him and crowd him when he walks in, the crocodiles like head scratches

allmight was so proud of his son, because even he couldnt get animals to like him instinctually

1A are all the little highschool interns

Shinsou crushes on the cute zookeeper boy and Izu gets him an internship eventually, he just sees izuku hugging a lion and falls in love instantly

aizawa is his uncle and is complaining about this "kid that doesnt listen to safety protocol" and shinso is like ",, h im"

Aizawa thought that shinsou hated outdoors and animals, but is confused when suddenly Shinsou starts going to the zoo after school everyday

the way this family works

aizawa was a foster kid bc his family wasnt trusted with him but he still had contact, shinso's family was falling apart and aizawa didnt want his cousin to go through the same thing so he takes shinsou in age 10

they say uncle bc aizawa is so much older than shinsou

izuku like, doesn't tell shinso hes allmights kid and izuku wears a facemask and dyes his hair all the time so its fair that shinso doesnt guess

so izuku is on messenger and tells shinso to open his window izuku is sitting on his balcony. hes got a torch in his mouth and a swipecard in the other. he just kinda, grabs shinso and hauls him over the balcony. shinso is in pyjamas and all he has is a phone

izuku grabs his hand and they run down the street and shinso is just??? so lost. aizawa lives su p er close to the zoo and they get to the gate and shinso is like?? why are we here its midnight

and izuku o p e n s th e g a t e

shinso is crying bc he has every reason to think he'll go to jail

(izuku turned off the alarms and warned his mum he was doing this but didnt warn shinso because thats not fun)

so izuku takes shinso to the farmyard, wakes up the horse, which is his horse, a pulls shinso up on it too the horse has little lights on it

so its midnight and shinso is hugging izuku on this horse because its cold and hes in pyjama's and hes cold and its dark and he doesnt wanna fall off this massive horse

so izuku takes him around the zoo at night on this horse and its honestly great? bc loads of the animals are awake and the zoo is empty. izuku whispers that hes not really supposed to do this but hes going to do it anyway and shinso is like??? please dont im too young for jail

but izuku just giggles

izuku lets them into the back deer enclosure and its m a s s i v e

so its 2am by now, all the deer are awake so izuku ties up the horse and leads shinso over to his fave deer

"ok so, dad used to do this to me when i was litte, but i figure youre still light enough”

and izuku just hefts shinso onto this deer. shinso is laughing and clinging to this deer for his life and so izuku gets on another and they run around the paddock

shinso is yelling and cheering as izuku laughs, the other deer are running beside them because deer do that and its honestly the coolest thing that shinso has ever done

4am and the deer have all fallen back asleep and shinso and izuku are on the roof of the vet clinic because the vet-clinic is still heated at night so the roof is warm and they kinda,, fall asleep on the roof. izuku wakes up at 6, but doesnt wake shinso up for 20 minutes because hes smiling even in his sleep

they have to sprint back to shinso's house

izuku helps shinso climb back up his balcony and waves goodbye and shinso just watches him run back to the zoo and hes blushing and messy and cold but hes just so happy

aizawa walks into his room a minute later and asks shinso if he slept outside for some ungodly reason because his lips are blue and there are leaves in his hair

izuku doesnt like people knowing hes allmights kid when hes just out and about or working or honestly doing anything that isnt a show or interview so the only people that know are tenya, bakugo, tensei, mic and aizawa

Every year at the anniversary of all mights death they all bring Izu and Inko to his shrine and thousands of people come from all around to pay their respects and Shinsou finds a crying Izu after and takes him back to the zoo after hours so Izu can be with the animals

shinso still doesnt know izuku is allmights kid and izuku just sobbing and shinso doesnt know what happened

izuku just talks about his dad vaguely, shinso knows aizawa used to babysit izuku too

aizawa makes a tradition of getting icecream for izuku on the date every year, they both get the allmight themed one

bakugo isnt a massive dick in this au but hes still not a soft friend. he will roast you every 24 seconds but the 2 weeks around allmights death? he looks out for izuku, makes extra sure no one works out izuku from school is "allmights son" izuku, makes sure he eats lunch, helps inko make dinner

bakugo threatens to rip off shinso's dick and shove it down his throat and shinsou is like???? WHat dID i DO???

Izu is being bullied for crying in school around the date, Bakugo fIGHTS

bakugo gets suspended for a day and aizawa picks him up bc his parents are busy. bakugo looks angry but also kinda, embarrassed for being caught and for getting that mad. aizawa just parks on the side of the road just out of school and lets out a massive sigh

"you shouldn't have done that-"

"You dont think i fucking know that??"

"shut up and listen kid. you shouldn't have done that. and im not giving you a pat on the head for breaking the rules like that. but you did a good thing. hes got enough on his plate. youre a good friend"

aizawa lets bakugo stay at his place so mitsuki doesn't have to find out bakugo got suspended, izuku takes bakugo to pat the wolves as a "thank you for throwing down for me" present

[shinjiapologist]

get to know me more 🍓

tagged by @trufflesmushroom and i love & appreciate the excuse to talk abt myself

🍓 what do you prefer to be called name wise?

Mari (like mario w out the o)

🍓 when is your birthday?

august 18th : ) im a leo and proud (duh)

🍓 where do you live?

just outside of minneapolis

🍓 three things you are doing right now?

drinking chai latte. feeling a little lightheaded but I ate a mango so I’m waiting for that to stop. Sulking bc I had a bad work meeting. 

🍓 four f*ndoms that have piqued your interest right now?

ive been into. iz*one. got into kpop years late but im having fun. actually thats a lie i was watching ranking videos on youtube and it made me mad i was like why must we pit these girls against each other. ive also been searching the bna tag, my fav trigger anime i think. once my good friend betsy told me that, god i cant remember the phrasing, ive bottled off a part of my brain and developed my own ecosystem. i like to think thats where i consume media. in my self indulgent brainrot space where I can enjoy it in peace and no one can shoot down my outrageous headcanons.

🍓 how is the pandemic treating you?

i was workin from home before and im workin from home still. but god i miss talking to people. im trying to become good at video games. its so hard. i tried to play animal crossing but it gave me anxiety like... wtf...

🍓 song you can’t stop listening right now?

megs new song.... my sister (commands a room with her presence and doesnt consume fiction in such a self indulgent way) was like mari did you hear the new megan song its so good and i was like YES sasuke was in it. we took our niece to a con once and i cosplayed sasuke so he’s literally one of the only anime characters she knows.

🍓 recommend a movie.

God. God. I don’t know. I liked Knives Out. I liked the Jumanji movie with Dwayne the Rock Johnson. The movie I probably watch the most and consistently go back to is The Grand Budapest Hotel 

🍓 how old are you?

22

🍓 school, university, occupation, other?

im a freelancer..... i work for a mental health company and a restaurant and do whatever side gigs pop up. 

🍓 do you prefer hot or cold?

why cant i just be comfortable??

🍓 name one fact others may not know about you.

I dont have a bellybutton. ask others for the story and you will discover there are many versions of my legend

🍓 are you shy?

yeah a little... im just quiet and private. sometimes i have moments of bravery where im like fuck it though. tumblr as a fairly anonymous platform, where im free to be gay, so. 

🍓 do you have any preferred pronouns?

i go by she/her bc im a coward and lazy but i also respond to they/them and he/him

🍓 any pet peeves?

Passively asking for someone to do something instead of just asking, like saying “this would go well with some milk” instead of just asking me to bring you a cup of milk (this is vagueblogging at my grandma) 

🍓 what’s your favorite “dere” type?

uhhhhhhhhhhh............. mood is irrelevant. be the sasuke of the show. 

🍓 rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

this is such a mean question. i refuse to reflect on the negatives of my situation during this tumblr meme. we all have issues in our current lives and history and we all have things we would look to see happen. All we can ask is that we are working towards them.

🍓 what’s your main blog?

this one : )

🍓 list your side blogs and what they are used for.

this question is the whole reason i was excited to fill this out @karlshaun - this is like background refs. photography @stormandfriends - this is like my oc blog so my college friends could get familiar w my high school ocs @nicogenos - this is where i post nicogenos content @stansunwukong - this is my rwby sideblog bc i like. cant put rwby on main ethically @paintinghq - this is where i post classical paintings by old white men @shinjiapologistinspblog - design inspiration @shinjiapologistfashionblog - take a guess

🍓 is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

i like listening a lot even if it seems like i dont have anything to say.... sometimes i take awhile to articulate what i’m thinking and might have to try a few times... 

I don’t know who to tag : ( i dont talk to people on this platform as much. @jutopa . keep the flame going. or dont. i’ll love you anwyay

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[sas-afras]

Alphabet asks: H, L ,W, Y (for whoever you want)

doing these for penn!

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

penn prefers the heat, both before and after getting frozen, but much more so after. being a skinny little prick means they dont retain much body heat

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

summer! more time to get things done, with the better weather and all. plus hiking is easier

3. do they like the snow?

nope. reminds them of being cryofrozen

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

WORKING. doing anything productive, outside or inside. something with tangible results, preferably

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

staying inside under a trillion blankets and not talking to anyone.

L: Lemons1. what is their favorite fruit?

aaaaaaaaaapples. 2. what is their least favorite fruit?

peaches! their dad loved them though3. are there any foods they hate?

dry crackers and really slimy foods. bad bad time4. do they have any food intolerances?

theyre allergic to shrimp, but still eat it because Yummy5. what is their favorite food?

shrimp babey! and other kinds of shellfish

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

yup, they carry around a canteen everywhere

2. have they learned to swim?

yeah, but not like, well. just doggy paddling really

3. do they like to swim?

its fun sometimes, but after the war its just too dangerous to swim

4. can they dive?

GOD no

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

yup!

Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?

16/17, i cant remember which, but i was around their age

2. what inspired you to create them?

i made a post forever ago about what if fo4 was about an older sibling rescuing their younger brother, and thus SAS was born

3. were they different when they were first created?

yeup! waaaaay different, most noticeably in appearance. the most thats changed about them is that theres just more to them, now. they used to be a pretty flat character, but now they have Depth and shit

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

it varies, cos i get in the Zone with characters sometimes, but penn will always be my baby. no matter what i write with them i always find out some new aspect of their character that i hadnt thought about before!

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

that theyve got Protagonist Syndrome. (or whatever the fuck its actually called) their mindset is like perfect to a fault for a video game protagonist, so its fun to figure out how theyd fail when placed into a real world.

[un-deux-zero-quatre]

“come be my teacher”

→ pairing: kim seokjin x (f) reader → genre: fluff, crack, if you squint it’s slow-burn → part i: 2,208 words → author note: inspired by a cute TA and my miserable effort in a korean language course while studying abroad. unlike y/n’s bold self. i never actually made efforts to get to know boys on campus, but then again i was never blessed to attend school with worldwide handsome jin. this is my first fic so hopefully you enjoy it, let me know what you think :)

(gif found on sbs website)

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You dabbed at the sweat droplets that formed on your forehead as the elevator to the sixth floor dinged to signal its arrival (fucking finally, you thought to yourself). You stepped out alongside a few other students heading towards room 605 for intro to Korean. A student sitting on the floor with his back against the windowed wall caught your peripheral. You glanced in the most casual manner you could pull off, but he was too busy looking down at his phone and you were forced to keep walking in the throng of students in the busy hallway. He looked cute, but honestly, half the campus was attractive boys that never gave you the light of day. Plus, having hiked half a mountain and power walked a large portion of your campus, the only thing on your mind was finding a seat to sink into, getting your heavy backpack off your sore shoulder, and downing the ice cold water in your HydroFlask. Not another cute boy who would ignore you. You made a beeline for a desk near the middle of the room, next to the giant windows. After not so carefully dumping your backpack on the desk table, you reached over to pull the window open, wondering why the hell you thought that wearing a long sleeve hoodie over black leggings during spring in Seoul seemed liked a good idea when you got dressed this morning. “I think my last brain cell stopped functioning the minute it started getting warmer,” you say to your deskman and friend, who is immersed in her music but gives you a sympathetic smile. Being that it was just the first week back to school, the classroom was still half empty. Most students would likely pile in gradually after managing to find the correct classroom… Yonsei was not exactly a small campus. Even local students found it difficult at times to navigate the famous campus.

You took this as an opportunity to lazily get going on the notes projected on the board. It was mostly stuff you’d get on the syllabus anyway, but you figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a digital copy; you did have a knack for misplacing important documents when you needed them the most and you did not want to have to suffer anymore than you anticipated from a course titled ‘Survival Korean.’ Despite having lived in the capital city for a couple months, your Korean had barely progressed from being able to order coffee and read instagram captions. Err, 70% of some instagram captions. So here you were at 8:45 am on this warm and cloudy day, sitting next to your practically fluent friend, mentally playing off your anxiety about being forced to brokenly speak in front of people who probably were only taking the class for an easy A. Before you knew it the professor was calling for attention to commence the class. You barely listened but maintained eye contact and nodding confidently to assert dominance. At least thats what you thought your half-assed efforts were doing for you. “Throughout the following weeks you’ll be working closely with a group of hand selected TA’s who will help you on your weekly tasks. They have worked hard to prepare engaging activities for all of you so please look forward to their lessons.” He signaled at a few older students scattered across the wall opposite to your seat, who flashed friendly smiles or lifted their hands up to identify themselves. You scanned and your eyes fell on one boy with wispy bangs and a soft pout on his lips.

Your one brain cell, as lame as it was at times, immediately recognized him as the boy who was sitting outside the classroom before class started. Getting a better chance at seeing his features you realized he was lowkey more handsome than other boys you’d seen on campus. Everyone knew Yonsei was notorious for attractive and bougie students but you did not expect to have a TA that looked like an Oscar nominated actor. You wondered if he was as kind as his eyes presented, or if he was a case of reverse-bitch face. You were brought back to consciousness when he turned and your eyes connected. You remained expressionless when his plump lips curved upward slightly. You felt your chest clench of embarrassment and quickly shifted your eyes at other students, focusing on each one for a few seconds to play off the fact that you were obviously drooling for this stranger. Why did you feel yourself burning up? It’s not like you have never seen a pretty boy. You weren’t the type to get so worked up over that. You cringed at yourself for feeling so affected that you didn’t even notice the professor had finished talking and students were shuffling to put their stuff away.

You felt your friend poke your arm, “Dude, let’s go.” You looked up at her and slammed your MacBook shut. “Oh— yeah sure! Do you have class right now?” She looked at her phone and groaned, “Ugh, I still have a whole hour before it starts. Let’s go chill somewhere.” Swinging your backpack over your shoulder you followed her out the classroom’s back exit, lowering your gaze to fiddle with your AirPod case just in case another opportunity for you to make an ass of yourself presented itself. You snapped the case open, swinging your hair around to plop the earphone in, missing handsome boy who was standing by the podium by the front door, watching you with curiosity, a tiny smile once again on his lips.

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“I seriously cannot believe we never realized they sell kaya toast here! Why do we always play ourselves?!” your friend sighed as you trudged up the massive concrete steps to Daewoo Annex Hall. “Maybe it’s because we always insist on going off campus to our fave cafe, we just can’t help being so loyal.” The main floor was buzzing with the loud chatter of students mingling in between classes, many of them ordering or waiting for their ritualistic iced Americanos to be served. You joined the short line to order, glancing at the menu above the case of baked goods. Your mind foggily drifted back to handsome boy from earlier. You wondered if he found you weird for staring so intently. By no means did you have a resting bitch face, but your natural expression doesn’t exactly scream approachability. 

Though it had only been a few seconds of staring, you recall how sparkly his eyes had been. His wispy hair framed them perfectly, and alongside his dark eyelashes it was no surprise you were so immediately entranced… You caught yourself; who can even manage to look that attractive so early in the day?! Since when did good looks even mean that much to you? He was probably an asshole anyway, using the TA position only to exert power over undergrads who couldn’t afford do much but beg for mercy during office hours and rant online about shitty policies.

You felt your nose scrunching up into a frown when a loud laugh brought you back to the present moment. Looking down from the menu to the register you noticed a wavy haired, uniform clad barista throwing his head back at what seemed to be the funniest joke in the world. He flashed a boxy smile at whoever was leaned over the bar waiting for their coffee all while his hands expertly handled the register, tucking away won bills and passing a receipt to the customer who just finished ordering. 

“Wow, I guess all the cute boys decided to torture us today,” your friend whispered, raising her eyebrow at you. You couldn’t even try to argue with her, this boy definitely contributed to evidence that only attractive students attended Yonsei… kind of like how handsome boy did as well… As if the universe had heard your mind ruminating, and decided it was time to intervene, the person leaned over the counter turned to look in your direction, and you had to bite your tongue to not gasp when those sparkly brown eyes connected with yours.

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You know those cheesy rom-coms where the protagonist finally meets her true love (or whatever) for the first time and the world magically melts away so that it’s only the two of them? Or how in Bollywood movies when the heroine locks eyes with the bad boy love interest and boom, cue sensual but still cute song with perfectly timed choreography? You loved that shit but never for one second believed it applied to the real world.

So why, God why, did you feel like time had stopped the second his eyes met yours and nothing else, especially not your midday politics class, mattered? “Hey! You’re one our teachers for survival Korean, right?” Your friend’s voice cut through your bizarre cinematic moment. She had stepped forward to order while she greeted none other than mister handsome boy. Although it had felt like an eternity, only a few seconds had transpired so the odds of you looking like a blithering idiot to others was very slim. “Yeah, you have a good eye, there’s about 10 of us there,” he smiled at your friend. “Are you both in the class? My name’s Seokjin, I’ll be teaching the lesson in a couple weeks.” You friend shot a quick smile at him and turned to the barista to order. You glanced quickly at her, the barista whose name tag read Taehyung, and then back at handsome b— err, Jin.

Since both your friend and Taehyung were busy in a transaction, you had no choice but to keep the conversation alive. “Uhh yeah, we are… my name is ____,” your eyes finally settled on his. He straightened up from the coffee bar, starching his arms up and brushing the back of his head.

Fuck, he was tall.

“Are you gonna order coffee, too? Speaking of, where’s mine? Ya! Tae!” He motioned over at the register and you remembered the sole reason for you climbing a steep hill 10 minutes away from your next classroom. You mumbled a soft oh, thanks and faced back to the register to order. It looks like Taehyung had abandoned his spot to make Jin’s drink, so a kind-eyed but sleepy girl took your order instead.

Stuffing your loose change back in your cardholder you made your way over to the main lobby where your friend stood with Jin and two other boys. “Ugh, I think I’ve had enough of feeling awkward for today,” you thought as you slowed down your steps. Always a queen with perfect timing, as you arrived you heard Tae scream out Jin’s name and order and Jin waved goodbye. “See you next week! Don’t forget to pick up a good notebook!” 

“What,” you deadpanned as your friend turned on her heel to stare at you with an expression you only saw when stumbling across an aesthetic new cafe.“What are the odds of us getting such a hot TA for the easiest class ever?! And he’s not a complete jerk, wow.” HA, your lips pursed out as your inner monologue from an hour ago quickly flashed in your find. “I mean, maybe now he’s nice before he actually gets to teach us, what if he completely switches up? Also excuse me, but easiest class ever if you already speak Korean only! I’m not ready to take L’s in front of everyone,” your hands ran through your hair as you plopped down on a couch. “It’ll be fine, maybe Jin can be your motivation.” If the eyes emoji were based on anything, no doubt it was your friends iconic expression. As you opened your mouth to protest she dove away back to the coffee bar for your drinks.

Blowing air out gently from your pursed lips you dwelled on what’s to come. Okay… maybe if you kept an open mind the class (and this very specific TA) wouldn’t be so awful. You did choose to come abroad to a country where didn’t speak the language in hopes of eventually becoming fluent, after all. What good would negativity do? And anyway, it’s not like Jin would be teaching the entire course, so he probably wouldn’t even be able to clock how awkward he made you act (not that you understood either, its not the first time you see a cute boy.) As your friend came back holding two iced caramel macchiatos you resolved to just be as gentle on yourself as possible this semester. You had faced high stress and lost enough sleep last semester over things that were not worth it in the long run, and the thought of handling things the same way again felt draining. Even if it meant looking like a dumbass in front of the class asking wtf anything meant after reading a wall of text, you were going to put in effort in doing well to avoid issues later on and nothing was going to distract you. Not even soft, perfectly messy hair or pretty brown eyes or pillowy lips that curled around words so perfectly you had to restrain yourself from daydreaming.

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