#its so silly but damn...made me teary....

[gene-jackett]

what if I balled my eyes out

[ultimate-snek]

I could not find anything for my previous post so!! I locked in and watched a grabber footage scenepack. Here's my notes on the 'personalities' and behaviors of his various mask combos, they're very sloppy & face value hurried but I do hope they half convey his vibes! He goes through a scale of silly to warmer to cold to fear throughout the various stages. these are mainly a writing aid for me but they might help others

No mask: Ditzy, kind of clumsy “cool adult” who’s a magician. Cheerful, a little dumb, tries to appeal to kids by being friendly and going along with them. Harmless guy both through friendliness and through being dumb, so no threat there. He’ll let you do whatever you want. Alternating depending on who you are; maybe he tries to guilt trip you into helping him, maybe he offers a ride home, a present. Seems like the type of guy to give you drugs if you were the type just to get in your good graces, so dog-ish in that manner. Wants people to like him.

Blank lower half, upper half mask: Agressive, temperamental– first stage. Goes from threatening and hateful to “we’re gonna live together”. Intimidating, talks about murder, but also promises to be a caretaker. Claims all violence was just from anger, so moody. Laughs a little. Acts sort of friendly-fake protective, ‘fatherly’, gets soda. “Nothing’s going to hurt you” while kidnapping you. Upper half, lower smile. Nervous, jittery, gives orders. Reluctant, more ‘human’. Giggles a little, chill-ish. Doesn’t care about things. “With the door shut, no one can hear anything” “this face?” A little zesty, does little hand gestures, breathes way too heavy. Casual. “Ooh! The creepiest damn thing”. Kind of friendly in how he talks, is authoritative in the beginning but also acts rather casual. Does the check-ins, brings food. Kind of the caretaker personality. Giggles and says you have nothing to fear and are already kidnapped. A little warm. Lower smiling mask, no upper half: Watches. Creepy, predatory, poses like an animal. Teary-eyed, frown face, “it’s unfortunate”, likes looking at kids but it’s kind of in an almost sad father-way or like he wants to be them? Probably the most groomer-y mask & also most weak, vulnerable-emotional. Seems both like an abused little kid and a pedophile? Lower face frown upper mask half: Authoritative, ‘punishing’ figure, intimidating and silent. Causes the most harm, lays traps for people to fail so he can punish them. Needs to put a shirt on. Frowny face is for when you misbehave. “I know you’re not sleeping”. Talks like the smiley mask sometimes, in that whiny, complaining manner, but coercive. It’s a lie. Gets angry, destroys things but also pulls the “look what you made me do”. Very much abusive father, beats children with his belt for sneaking out after he leaves the door unlocked so they’ll try. Instills the “rules” and “values. Plays the game, and doles out its punishments. Cold. Angry dog, sharp movements. Lower frown face, no upper mask: Child tries to escape, the most violent. Threatening, agressive. Very cold. Might be the variant that actually beats the children when they fail the game, while the other one is the one who lays the traps like a watchdog. The angry, violent abusive father. Upper half of the mask, no lower half: The murderer. Kills people, straight up. Sociopathic, kills his brother without a second thought and then calls him “his idiot” in a sort of confused grief-like state he then blames on Finner. Cycles all blame back to the victim, actively commits murder. Buries the bodies, doesn’t seem to care about anything. Yells. Talks in a low, gruff voice. Punishing father. None of the friendliness, fake or otherwise. Just cold aggression. Smiles and snickers before swinging, though. Definitely the fighter.

Mask stripped off: Screams, hides his face, seems agonized. Sort of crying panic-attack-y state, no longer attacks but just shields himself and tries to struggle away. Very terrified, paralyzed traumatized child-ish.

[gontagokuhara]

teary rambling inbound

christ alive its not often i reckon with the fact that jump (the first fic of my “modern” writing era) is approaching seven (7!!!!!) years old. when i do think about it it’s often in a nostalgic way or a half-proud, half-self-deprecating way where i’m like “this was my peak when i was 17, god DAMN have i improved” because as much love as i hold for it and what it ended up as, it’s still nowhere near perfect! there’s so much i would do differently with my slightly more developed brain!!

but i get comments still on a more or less weekly basis almost 7 years after publishing, over 6 years since i last touched it. little ‘i just read this in one sitting!’ and ‘this brought me back into enjoying deh again’ and ‘i usually get bored during long fics but i wanted to finish this!’ that i have saved in their own special portion of my inbox specifically for jump comments because they all make my day every single time.

and then sometimes i get comments like these, all these years later, and i pump the breaks and just think.

unless i’m particularly out of touch this is like. the type of comments fic writers dream of. thoughtful, personal, crafted with a level of care that highlights how genuinely an author (even of just ‘silly’ musical fanfic) can move a person.

someone who never writes reviews was compelled to detail how deeply they’ve been impacted by *my* writing. something i crafted as a labor of love while i was still a teenager struggling through that same shit i was writing about had enough of a positive effect on someone that it spurred them to put as much into writing themselves, unsure if i’d ever even see it. this person walked away from something i created with the exact takeaways i hoped they would, and i very sincerely hope that whatever realizations this person had while reading, they take them and make their lives better because there’s nothing more i could possibly ask for.

jump, as much as a bit of an ugly duckling i think of it as sometimes, is like…a net good on the world. so many of my current best friends i met because i wrote jump. more than one person has embraced recovery and getting better and stepping into the sun (hah!), and that’s just people who have told me that — some of the mostly deeply influential fics in my life are ones i’ve never commented on myself. more people than i can ever hope to comprehend have had their day, week, month, life outlook altered in a positive way by something i created — by me.

in a period of life (not just my own, but more broadly speaking How Life Is in the present day, 2024) where things are pretty shitty and i’m agonizing more than ever over feeling useless and impactless and like i’ll never create anything of true value. sometimes i wake up to comments like these, and i slow my roll, and i can…genuinely appreciate that at the very least, despite everything else sucking pretty bad, people have made their own happiness through something i’ve created. i’ve made something of value, and even if i never know the impacts of that…those people are out there. if i could do it at 17 years, and still hear the positive influence of doing so 7 years later, i can do it again. i want to do it again. writing is making my happiness, and knowing that that could be true of other people makes it a happiness worth pursuing.

all of that to say: thank you, if you’ve ever read my silly stories before. if they’ve done something positive in your life, even for just a second, that means more to me than anything. and especially thank you to my more vocal readers because quite literally it’s people like the above comment, and people who i’m sure are reading this and know exactly who they are, who make me love writing as much as i do and make me want to do it forever, no matter the capacity.

i suppose i should wrap up now before my weepiness makes everyones tl all damp. thank you again, persephonescurse (even if you’ll never see this). your comment now also forever lives in the original jump discord server from 2017, so i won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. thank you.

[dragontamerno3]

DS9 S3 E18-22 More binge watching while I did my best to just survive the day. E18 - Distant Voices It’s hard to buy how young some of these characters are supposed to be sometimes, but that’s beside the point. I can’t relate to Bashir turning 30, I didn’t care one way or the other about it and now that I’m a few years away from 40, I’m not sure I’m going to care that much about that one either. What I did like about this episode was that Bashir realized pretty early on that he was in a coma and didn’t fight it.

Overall it was a compelling plot and interesting to see how he fought off various issues but not the most engaging story. I do love how he was with Garak, though, and how Garak was basically the first person he talked to in a coma (Quark only mumbled in fear, doesn’t really count to me). Also how Garak was super proud of Bashir for not trusting him in his coma dream. 6.5/10 E 19 - Through the Looking Glass Another Mirror Universe episode, and it was a fun one. Sisko got super into his AUs personality fast. The way he was grabbing at Dax and Kira without hesitation shocked me, but it was interesting to watch. Also can I note how gay Kira was in this one? She was kinda there in the first one but she was only really flirting with herself so it was more narcissistic than gay (bisexual, whatever), but in this one she was flat out flirting with a nameless woman when we first see her and then kinda with Jennifer.

Because they clearly have the ability to jump to and from now I’m intrigued to see where this goes for them. Will we be getting more from the MU? Probably lol 7/10

E20 & 21 - Improbable Cause/The Die Has Cast

I normally wouldn’t combine these more but because I binged the lines are a little blurry on what happened in which. Garak episodes are my favorite.

It was interesting to watch his scheming brain get him to the end of all of this. Garak/Bashir is going strong with how worried Bashir was at the explosion in the shop and seeing Garak injured. Finding out that he did it himself was a bit of a shock, I had assumed it was the alien that Odo questioned, which was a fun interrogation IMO because of the way Odo started to mix the various components. I didn’t even suspect that Garak would have done it himself.

Seeing Garak with the maid was sweet and makes me love him more. He might have a dark past and might have done some dark things in the second episode but there is more to him than just that dark past and Mila was a piece of that. Hell he even went back for Tain when shit went down but Tain was too far gone to notice. I love Odo knocking him over the head to get him out of them. Judging by Bashirs reaction I’m going to assume the gayest reading of it and say he appreciated the knock of his head too. On the other side of this coin, I love it when Captains/Commanders ignore all orders from Starfleet and do the thing that they know is the *right* choice. Sisko completely disregarding things and going after Odo was perfect. I don’t necessarily agree with how he handled the sabotage from the one officer but even then it was done with such grace I couldn’t argue with it too much.

8/10 for both of them E22 - Explorers I hate his facial hair. Lol I have always loved the idea of solar sails so it was interesting to hear about Bajorian tech and how they might have done the original trek with them.

The bonding moments between Jake and Sisko were sweet as always and I love how easily they communicate even when its clear it *isn’t* easy. I’m also super proud of Jake for getting into the writing school cause damn that is an achievement. I am a little upset that he’s putting it off for a year cause I’m worried (from an aspiring writing) that he’ll talk himself out of it but that’s just my own brain screaming at me.

It feels silly but when Dukat showed up with the Welcome call at the end and the “sudden discovery” of a crash site plus some fireworks, it made me a bit teary eyed. It was a sweet thing, even if Dukat wasn’t trying to be. On the flip side, Bashirs whole story line was awkward and weird. He’s always been so smooth with literally every other woman, even if he doesn’t manage to get anywhere, he’s never hesitated but suddenly he has second thoughts? It was strange. That said, his moments with Miles where fun. I don’t want them to be drunk all the time but their time together was silly and a much needed break for the two of them.

I will admit to being bored for some of the episode but it was a fun one so it was hard to rate it.I kept going back and forth, wondering if I should give it something higher but I’m settling on a middling one cause I did check out a few times. 6.5/10

[foolscapper]

Got your art book in, and I feel really silly saying this, but by the end, flipping through it, I found myself getting a little teary. Your art really encapsulates how amazing a year 2022 was, and its clear you were so damn inspired, and it reminded me how much MCR has inspired me in the past year. Thanks for sharing it all with us and I'm glad I have a physical copy.

Oh man, anon, don't get me all emotional!! 😩 It's been such an amazing year for MCR and the fans, huh? The inspiration was FLOWING, and I'll never forget how incredibly creative and involved everyone was throughout this lovely tour. It'll always be a source of happiness for me to look back on. I got to admit, I get sentimental seeing how much art I excitedly made every show. ♥

Thanks so much for such a sweet message!

[chloe-online]

Just a Nightmare (karl heisenberg x reader)

so i wanted to start a little story/series thing, im not sure how it'll turn out or if i'll even make another part but if it gets positive feedback i will! reader is gender neutral, enjoy :)

warning- swearing, mentions suicide and self harm.

You had a lot of nightmares. they happened every single night. you could never escape them. it was always the same damn thing, over and over. you barely ever got sleep. this, creature, with supernaturally long, boney limbs attached to its circular body, but you could barely see the body because the head hid it. the creatures head just had these wide, red eyes that seemed to never be looking anywhere but at you. its had a large grin with super sharp teeth. the creatures head spun, like it didn't have neck bones. it was peculiar, it seemed to be made out of bones. that creature haunted you in your dreams, you'd wake up screaming and crying, melting into the embrace of your loved one, Karl Heisenberg. hes the only one who knows you have these dreams, he worries for you and does everything in his power to keep you safe, and calm you down after you'd have these nightmares. after the 'incident' that happened a couple months ago, he felt he had to.

it had been a couple weeks after these strange nightmares begun to haunt you, you woke up, and your fear had filled the room. you wouldn't stop crying. Karl had been trying to calm you down but you just pushed him away, ran into the bathroom and locked yourself in. your screams rang throughout the factory. Karl spoke softly to try and get you to unlock the door. but once the small room you were in fell went silent he started worrying, you weren't screaming, crying or even moving at all. Karl was banging on the door trying to get you to unlock it once again.

"kitten i'm going to go get the key, don't you fucking move," he shrieked. he ripped the nightstand drawer open and began to rummage through to find it. once he had it he sped to the bathroom door, unlocked it, and rushed in only to find you on the floor unconscious, and bleeding out. you had cuts everywhere. your legs, arms, stomach. it was clear what your intentions were.

ever since that happened, and he found you there, hes swore he'd protect you and comfort you. this morning was no different.

you woke up teary eyed, to Karl combing your hair with his fingers and wiping away your tears. he softly voiced a 'good morning darlin' and he held you, kissing your neck sleepily. there was a meeting today and you'd be going. you wiped the last of your tears away as you got out of bed to get ready for the day. a better morning than most days.

"honey, are you sure you want to go? we can go back home, you're more important to me than that silly meeting," he purred. he was holding your hands, keeping eye contact, in front of you both was the church.

"of course Karl, we're already here anyway," you mumbled meekly. in all honesty, you just wanted to go home with him. lay in bed, his arms around your waist, as you rested your head on his chest. listening to his heart beat as he kissed the top of your head. but you didn't want Mother Miranda to do anything to him, just going seemed to be the best option.

everyone turned to stare as you both walked in. Karl slid his arm around you as you walked in. when Miranda had got them all to persuade her into giving you to them all of lords wanted you. they all fought and since Heisenberg was the lucky one to get you, the others were jealous. so seeing Karl stride in with you, arm around your waist angered them. they though you'd make a wonderful experiment, and Heisenberg used you as a lover? they never quite understood why he loved you the way he did, and why he took you in and protected you.

the both of you stood in front of the pew across from Alcina. you stood in front of Karl, so that he could have his arms around your waist. you started to zone out as the meeting started. you didn't hear much but they were arguing about how Miranda gave you to Heisenberg.

"the stupid man-thing doesn't know the difference between a lover and an experiment!"

"y-yeah m-mother, if you c-changed your mind, i could turn her into a lovely v-vessel,"

"no ugly, we could turn her into a beautiful life-sized doll,"

"no you witless scums! Mother Miranda I implore you to give her to me, i am in need of some new moroaica's, i'll even kill the damn girl and give you some of her slaughtered blood if i must"

thats when you saw it. that thing, the creature from your nightmares. it was in one of the empty, unused rooms. you squirmed in an attempt to get free from Karl's grasp, but he just clutched you tighter.

"see? the poor girls desperate to get out of the man things watch. let me put her out of her misery mother,"

"n-no I'm happy with-" you tried protesting, but Alcina ripped you from karls arms as soon as Miranda agreed. you cried out, wanted to go back to his embrace, but Alcina held you back.

you looked back into the room where the creature was, and it wasn't there, instead it was closer, looking bloodthirsty. you couldn't tell if it was real this time or if it was all in your head.

"you cannot simply change your mind, stupid bitch! that girl you all want to kill is more of a family for me than any of you ever will be!" Karl knew you guys shouldn't have come to this damned meeting. he wished you stayed home, laying in bed covering you in kisses, holding you close. he never should've brought you here.

"any of your siblings can use her better than you can! you're simply carrying around dead weight, you cannot feel love, whatever you're feeling isn't what you think it is."

"I can't fucking feel love? then neither can you, you are just like me. a fucking monster. if i can't physically feel love what makes you think you can just resurrect your daughter if you cant feel love," he stared blankly at Karl, processing what he just said. he wasn't a monster, he was the sweetest man you knew. he comforts you when you wake up terrified every morning. he loved you more than anyone else in the world did, he was your everything. he kept you going, just by knowing he was there for you. when you'd wake up, horrified by those shitty nightmares hes there to hold you. a handful of times you'd wake up and just genuinely felt like giving up, but then he'd wrap his arms around you, rub your back, and whisper sweet nothings into your ear. he was quite the opposite of a monster.

all of a sudden you heard commotion behind you, when you turned and saw the creature just inches away, your shrieks filled the room. everyone turned to stare at you. you fell to you knees and started sobbing."

"get the fuck outta my way fuckin big bitch," Alcina rolled her eyes and held back her claws as he went to comfort you. she wanted to slice him to ribbons.

"what happened doll, are you okay?" he purred as he cupped your face.

"Karl its here, i wanna go home," you whimpered. he wiped your tears away.

"of course buttercup. these fuckers are gettin on my nerves," Karl picked you up and headed towards the exit, holding you close. you nuzzled against his chest, so happy you were in the protection of your lover. it then occurred to you that no one mentioned the creature that was in the room. it disappeared after Karl came to your aid. it then hit you that you were probably the only one that could actually see it. you clenched karls shirt tighter.

"just so you know, this ain't a fucking family. my family is right here," he held his arms out to show you off to the others.

"don't try and fuckin take it," he stormed off in the direction of the factory, he didn't look back once. his focus was getting you home, and helping you stop these nightmares from happening.

hii so i wanted to mention a few things before i post this. constructive criticism is 100% allowed, i'm trying to improve my writing. also i can try and make more parts of this if wanted! just tell me and i'll do my best. sorry if there's any errors i didn't really edit this haha. and lastly, i got really fucking sick at around the halfway mark, so if it progressively gets a little worse i'm really sorry, i'm in a lot of pain and i haven't been focusing very well. i hope you enjoyed nonetheless!

[cozykozume]

Pretty Lips

NSFW MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Sugardaddy!Tendou x Sugarbaby!f reader

Warnings: road head/blowjob, sugar baby!au, female reader, slight praise kink, solo female/masturbation, messing around in a car, use of the word daddy (2) times.

Word Count: 1478

First collb for The Brothel and I’m so excited I got to be a part of it! 🥰🥰

Make sure to check out the whole masterlist brought to you by The Brothel!

Tendou never really planned on having a sugar baby, and you never really planned on becoming one. And in all honesty, the relationship you two had went a little deeper than JUST sugar baby/sugar daddy. The love you two shared for each other was real and it was not going anywhere anytime soon.

One of your favorite things to do was tease him until he could no longer take it and he would absolutely ravage you. It was one of those things that came along with being a “bratty bottom,” and you earned that nickname each and everyday you were with him.

On this particular day though, you two had gone out to dinner in celebration of Hinata being back in town. Of course, between Bokuto, Atsumu, Kenma, and Kuroo there were no expenses spared for this party. Although there was plenty of alcohol to go around, you and Tendou decided to pass, knowing that once you guys got home you had a long night ahead of you.

You tried your best, you really did. But at a certain point, it couldn’t be helped, right?

Tendou was dressed to impress...And that he did. Fitted jeans, fitted shirt and a sports jacket with a satin finish, black from head to toe. To say it was hard to keep your hands off him would be an understatement.

You on the other hand, liked to add a few pops of color into your evening wear. A deep burgundy dress with long sleeves that hit around mid-thigh was your go to. At first glance, it seemed to be more modest than most dresses worn to events like this. But the entire back of the dress was missing, leaving little to the imagination when standing behind you. The way the dress hugged each of your curves drove Tendou insane every time you wore that particular piece out.

The entire night had been spent catching up with friends, enjoying delicious food, and on occasion, sneaking away from everybody to steal a few heated kisses. Tendou also loved this dress because one of his favorite things to do was trail his fingers up and down your back, his nails softly dragging each time he did it. The goosebumps that erupted across your back and the soft shiver that takes over your body was like music to Tendou’s ears.

--------

The drive home was where you finally lost your composure. Being in the tight space of the car, his cologne filling your nose with every breath you took, and his eyes silently undressing you as he glanced at you.

You reach out, placing your hand on his knee. “Hey Tendou…” You say quietly as you begin to finger walk your way up his thigh. “Yess y/n…” He says, a smirk already crossing his face as he hears the need dripping from your voice.

“Don’t tell me no, okay?” You say, looking at him and waiting for him to agree to it. “Are you going to tell me what I can’t say no to?” He asks, a small chuckle following his question. You shake your head no, softly biting your bottom lip. “Okay princess. I will not say no to whatever request you have.”

“Damn babe, can’t you wait until we get home?” Tendou laughs, brushing the hair away from your face as you reach over to unbuckle his pants. “I mean I could wait until we get home...but isn’t this more fun Daddy?” You smirk, tugging at his pants until he lifts his hips enough for you to pull his semi-hard cock out. “Mmm plus it looks like you want this just as much as I do.”

You lean over the center console, one hand gripping his thigh while the other holds the base of his cock tightly. You ghost your lips over the tip, collecting the spit in your mouth and letting it drop onto it. Tendou’s cock jumps slightly at this, his grip on the wheel causing his knuckles to turn white.

You tilt your head, running your tongue up and down the bottom of him, smirking as you feel the muscles in his thigh starting to tighten. “Hmmm...Are you perhaps enjoying this?” You say, pulling back from his lap enough to look into his eyes.

God. The look on his face could have made you cum on the spot. His cheeks, as red as the hair on top of his head. Small beads of sweat dripping down his forehead and sides of his face. The fiery red hair that was usually sticking straight up in the air is now damp, clinging to the back of his neck and forehead. He takes one hand, wiping it across his forehead before laughing and shaking his head.

He quickly pulls the car over onto the shoulder of the highway, leaving it running but turning off the headlights. For some reason, being in the car with Tendou was always quick to get you hot and bothered, so this situation has played out time and time again since you two had gotten together.

“Uh-uh sweet cheeks, you started this and now you’re going to finish it.” He says, his hand sliding along your scalp and grabbing a fist full of your hair. You purr, licking your lips and going to work on his cock. You bob your head up and down, gagging softly each time his cock kisses the entrance to your throat.

You pull your dress up, creeping your hands into your panties as you let out a soft moan. You shift your legs, letting them spread slightly as your pointer finger teases your clit and causes your legs to tremble.

“There you go baby…” He whispers, grabbing one of your thighs and spreading your legs even further. “Give me a show while you suck my cock. Fuck you’re such a good girl.” He moans, pushing his cock further into your mouth. You begin gagging harder, your fingers circling your clit in time with Tendou’s thrusts. The grip in your hair gets tighter as his thrusts become deeper and his hand pushes you further down onto him. “There you go pretty girl. Take it down your throat.” He moans out again, his eyes glued between your legs.

You moan around his cock, your relaxed throat allowing him to sink further in. You gag harder around him as his grunts and groans getting louder. “Fuck fuck fuck! I-I think I’m going to cum.” He moans out, looking down at you as his movements become sloppy. You look up at him through teary eyes as his head falls back onto the headrest of the seat. You can feel his thigh muscles tensing under your hand before his legs begin to tremble. You feel the first rope of his hot seed hit the back of your throat, followed by 3 more heavy spurts of cum.

Between his moans, the pure look of bliss on his face and your fingers hard at work, you let your orgasm overtake you.

This was not the hot and intense kind of orgasm that you were used to. This was the kind to start in your toes and slowly work it’s way up to your sensitive clit. It felt like a wave of water was working its way through your body. You pulled off his cock, spit and cum dripping down onto his thigh as you let out a low, long moan. Your legs twitch as you ride it out, nails digging into his skin as the feeling goes from pleasurable to boardline painful.

Tendou gently pulls your face up, peppering kisses across your cheeks, nose and lips. “Fuck that felt so good...What did daddy do to deserve such a good girl?” He asks, his eyes full of lust mixed with admiration. You smile, wiping your mouth off before catching his lips in a soft kiss.

“You didn’t do anything silly. You deserve the world.” You whisper, letting your eyes drop to your lap. You could feel his lips pull into a smile against your cheek as he paused.

“No y/n...I really don’t think I do deserve you or have done anything to earn the right to ask you to be in my life. BUT I will work on it and I will keep trying. Don’t worry.” He says, the grip on your face tightening slightly as he pulled back from you. He plants a soft kiss on your lips before fixing your dress. He slips his softening cock back into his pants and zips them up.

“Now we go home and enjoy what the rest of the evening has to offer.”

You smile, your eyes slightly heavy as you buckle yourself back in. You lean your head against the window and doze off, one hand in your lap and the other engulfed in Tendou’s large warm one.

[rumblelibrary]

Hello, it's me again, your friendly neighborhood... Hungarian?!...👀❤️

Can I request a Sebastian Zöllner fic, where he is a coworker of Reader, and there's an obvious sexual tension, attraction in the office, they sit opposite each other, legs touching sometimes, hands touching... Idunno... Things like this 👀🔥 but nothing happened... Yet...🔥🔥

Never an Enemy [Sebastian Zöllner x Fem!Reader]

Word count: 5k

Warnings: A bad mouthed journalist with strong opinions about art and performance that might offend

Author’s note: Did I let this idea simmer in me for ages? Yes. Did I ever stopped thinking about it? NO.

You hummed softly while the music blasted in your headphones as you made your way up the stairs to the headquarters of the Art Tribune, the art focused magazine you worked for since over a year.

You liked the job even if to deal with artists was hard and the pay check could really deserve an improvement, it was stimulating and surely kept you on the edge. That morning in particular you needed to revise some background stories and just loads of reading to do to work on a new article for an upcoming exhibition. Just the usual fact checking, but you just couldn’t do it at home the day before so you decided to come early and enjoy some peace and quiet at the office.

You arrived at the top of the stairs of the fourth floor with a groan, you told yourself you had to do the stairs because you spent 70% of your life sitting in front of a computer, kind of self care, but brutal. You groaned lightly going straight toward the little kitchen installed for the team when you noticed something in the empty shared room full of desks. It was actually a really nice place with big industrial style windows that let lots of light inside, a very smart environment to work in, with areas where you could relax, free Wifi and loads of facilities. Usually people were put in big desks together, facing each other, trying to push a sort of ‘community feeling’.

Inevitably most of the people created barricades with books, and pictures of their dogs or even empty coffee cups. Yes, all cute and artistic, but do not talk to me.

That’s what also the attitude of the man you shared your desk with on your first day. He whined like a child for twenty minutes, complained he was happy to work alone, followed the assistant of the editor around the office and created a barricade of catalogues between the two of you so thick that you wondered if it was also bulletproof, only to rest his elbows over it half an hour asking if you had the change for the vending machine. Yes, that random man was you colleague and friend, Sebastian Zöllner.

The same that you are witnessing now asleep on the desk, head resting on his crossed arms while a stand of saliva went down on his shirt, wild hair and shoes taken off.

He could be considered an attractive man if he wasn’t a bloody nightmare of a person. You actually worked a lot with him and enjoyed his presence most of the days, your characters folded nicely and you would bounce off his attitude. He was strong on biographies and annoying the shit out of others, so he was always nagging at someone, you included.

You smirked slowly tracing his hair with your fingers, he never looked so innocent and you were always surprised to learn how those messy hair were so soft. It wasn’t the first time you did that gesture, sometimes he did lean his head like this only to be touched like an annoying mewling cat that needs attentions. “Kaffee” He mumbled making you chuckle, such a an annoying brat and he didn’t even open his eyes.

You carried on walking to the little kitchen room to prepare some coffee for you and your desk partner. You shook your head aimlessly as you started wondering why the man is here at this hour and if it was really a good idea to wake him up. To have him awake means to be able to do little to zero.

You watched the coffee get ready, the comforting tune of your morning playlist getting you still on the good side of your mood as you poured the coffee in your mug.

Then you saw it, an arm sneaking in front of you and taking the mug from your hand, you jump scared in a second almost pouring the rest of the coffee on the whole kitchen counter only to encounter Sebastian sleepy figure behind you bringing the mug close to his nose and inhaling deeply the aroma before having a gulp, you stared at him as his jaw clenched, his eyes got a bit teary. “Fucking hot” he whined making you chuckle, he deserved it for stealing it, luckily you were already doing some more for him so he stole your favourite mug but you had some coffee for you left.

You pulled off your headphones leaning them on your neck “No idea you’d be sleeping at the office, weren’t you off on some interview ?”

He shrugged “yeah, well me neither, but interviewing sculptors is always annoying as shit and those are always supersensitive” he said opening the freezer and pulling out some ice cubes from their box and putting them in the coffee mug. “Scheiße!” He cursed as the ice cube landing in the mug caused the coffee to spill onto his white shirt. You pressed your lips tight against each other not to laugh into his face, but he was already pissed off and it wasn’t even proper work time. You watched him lean over the sink trying to wash it off somehow without even bothering to take it off, just adding chaos on chaos.

“Y/N! Do not laugh and try to help me! Beside, the heck are you doing here at this hour?” You rolled your eyes at that comment, but you didn’t indulge him in that request.

“I was just looking for silence”

He nodded like he didn’t believe a single word of it, he was just an asshole and you had to deal with it like it or not. You almost hated how he was so freaking good at writing and that’s probably why many people indulged him. Even you knew his pieces on the magazine and didn’t expect to find out he was so…so Sebastian.

You let out a breathy chuckle taking your mug and making your way to your joined desk letting him wrestle his balance over the kitchen sink trying to get the stain wet and not shower himself in the meanwhile.

You sat down at your spot leaning the mug on side, hands covering your face trying to keep a clear mind letting out a big breath “okay, let’s do this”

You turned on the lamplight on your desk pulling out your laptop from your backpack. As the computer was ‘waking up’ you stared at Sebastian side of the desk compared to yours.

You had like a little citadel of books around you, but it was pretty neat, a little succulent gifted by your friend for your first day at work with the name tag ‘Danny’ on it sitting beside the lamp, lots of pencils and pens of different colours and notebooks to no end. If you had something in common with that beast of a man was that you both still relied on paper for sketching ideas and write down impressions in the moment, then onto the typing.

His side, however, was like a contemporary artwork in itself. Half empty cigarettes packages everywhere, the ashtray filled up, paper inside books and books filled with more papers. Notes everywhere, the damn king of neon yellow post-its, stains of coffee and crumbles of food invert corner, his red laptop showing off like a punch in the eye and his satchel bag always hang or thrown around.

You often wondered if the cleaning stuff just gave up on him. Your lucky guess was that he would probably throw a fit if anything was moved, so everyone just played the blind eye.

He was good at throwing fits.

You watched him come back sitting in front of you, half of his shirt soaked in the attempt to clean it up, he licked his lips picking one empty package of cigarettes looking in it and throwing it away until he found one with still something in it and he lighted his cigarette as he turned on his laptop. You sighed opening the window to let the fresh air not getting you intoxicated.

You went back to sip your coffee and stare at the screen quietly, every now and then your eyes falling onto the little cloud of smoke in front of you.

Sebastian was an attractive man, that was undeniable and you were sure that made him also a successful interviewer even though he was so random and chaotic, when he was silent and collected in thoughts he was indeed a sight to be seen. The dark hair framing his face like he was some cherub, his deep eyes staring into the void of his own words as he typed. He had a sort of decadent look on him.

Slowly the office begun to get filled, people coming here and there to tease Seb about coming early and he just waving his cigarette around asking for silence.

“Zöllner””

The chief editor shouted getting into his office without even turning around. Seb rolled his eyes looking at you as he pushed the cigarette in the ashtray waving his hand around to dissipate the smoke around him before standing up.

“I wonder how he managed to survive few days without shouting my name” he smirked.

You looked at him and mimicked his smirk.

What a chaotic man.

You had finished your reading by then and started to make a first draft of the article you were meant to work on.

“Y/N!!!” Sebastian voice rang through the office making you jump on your seat and he gestured at you to go with him with a big wave of his arm.

You looked at your screen with an helpless sigh, it seems like you will not write that article anytime soon, you’d better just have slept an hour more.

You stood up following that incessant wave as Seb put his hand on your back to get you in a bit quicker.

“Good morning”

You said as the chief editor nodded quietly “Look Y/N, it is a big favour I have to ask you” he begun frankly as you were beginning to get worried “you did your time with silly articles, so I thought it could be interesting to pair you up with Sebastian to go to tonight’s exhibition of Evita Schnecke”

Your eyes went wide as you looked at Sebastian shrug his shoulders.

“I need somebody to keep the horse with tight rains” Mr Megelbach continued gesturing with his pen at Sebastian and then at you “and you will dip your toes in those big time artists environment, but we really need to make sure Sebastian won’t hurt anyone’s sensibility, her interview has been obtained with lots of hard work”

“Yeah, we all know that hard work” Sebastian whispered in your ear earning a glare from Mr Megelbach who handed you a couple of catalogues from that artist and the invitation.

“So, put on hold your current article for today, make a plan with this train wreck and please make sure he doesn’t show up dressed like that”

“That was unneeded”

“All precautions are always needed with you, and now get out of my office the both of you”

You nodded moving out of the office, you were a bit anxious. Those artists were unpredictable just as Sebastian.

You made your way back to your desk with him as you sat down looking at the invitation. “So, it begins at 9 pm” you said almost understanding why Sebastian shouldn’t be allowed to go unescorted because the invitation on the dress code had: Wear something that talks about your soul. Only that could bring Sebastian to have an aneurism.

“I hate that bitch”

“Seb, that’s not a good start for an article”

He smirked as you said so but shrugged

“I mean it, this woman was born into privilege, she portrayed herself to be this underground rebel, but her simple black dress was a Chanel and her everyday boot Balenciaga, so I don’t trust her for a reason”

You smirked as you could agree with that and showed him the two catalogues the boss gave you

“Choose your fighter”

He groaned so loud he could have stabbed his toe and he leaned over his side of the desk picking one from your hand giving a light pinch on your side “teacher’s pet”. You chuckled softly as he always said that.

“Tell me if you read something that it is not about the performer’s way of life” he mumbled opening it in front of him.

You begun your reading and it was indeed the hell pit of a vey spoiled kid who was told to be the greatest since the first day of life, you picked your notebook and opened it taking notes on things that you could ask about.

Sebastian in the meanwhile lighted up another cigarette rolling it between his fingers mindlessly, his eyes looking above the paper at you every now and then among the little curses in German about the stupid things written there.

After some time it was becoming really a torture to read and you leaned your back on your chair stretching your legs forward for Seb to catch one of them among his.

You smirked as you often joked to him he was like some bear trap with those legs always catching yours.

He put his hand under the table bringing your leg up onto his thigh as you shifted even lower on your seat, his hand touching your ankle mindlessly as he had a talent for little massages like that. He did it the first time a while aback, a summer day where it was so hot and humid that you couldn’t feel your own legs.

So it became a little ritual among the two of you. You had many of those rituals, it was like an unspoken collection of attentions. Like you making the coffee in the morning because he was a grumpy ass. Or him always buying you some chewing gum or little treat when he went to buy cigarettes.

“I guess I am not the only one that needs a restyle”

He said bringing you away by the tenderness those little actions brought to you when he pushed his finger in your Vans shoe deepening a hole that you were trying to ignore from months.

“Seb, don’t do it, I wanted to make them last another season”

“Another season? These can’t last the end of the month, no doubt why your sex life is a train wreck”

You frowned at him taking your ankle off his hand to push on his chair making him roll back thanks to the little wheels underneath it, but he held on the desk and pulled himself closer again.

“What do you even know about it”

He looked at you, eyebrows raising up on his forehead

“Y/N, if I was your boyfriend I wouldn’t allow you to leave the bed that early in the morning to go to the office and that’s a fact”

“Oh, and how on heaven could you detain my passion for this job?” “Well, I can write you a list about it, you can consider it a to do list on your next date” His smirk was so wide, he enjoyed to tease you like that, the bastard, he knew to be an hottie and he always acted like half of the world was up to fuck with him.

“Oh please, do it, I want to see”

You teased him and he leaned in elbows on the table staring at you.

Oh the sexual tension with him was too much, you always went down on this hurricane of remarks, always him mentioning how you need more orgasms or implying it, or even implying how good he is at giving them.

“But be careful, because any act should be performed and not only lived”

You said quoting the artist you were reading about and he whined so hard like you really stomped your foot on his balls.

“Horrid witch”

“Me?” “No, that one”

He huffed and puffed picking another cigarette. Sometimes cigarettes just died on his fingers as he forgot to actually enjoy them more than waving them around.

The artist herself wasn’t remarkable, she used themes seen over and over before, she had a background as performer/dancer and she added painting to that, but more than talent she had an amazing marketing squad. You read her story and her commentaries about living like in a poem, which always sounds pretty easy with a big bank account.

You did all you could to stay neutral even if Seb was going down to massacre the woman, you two shared a bundle of two sandwiches (or better say, your brought a package of two and he was skipping his lunch so you just handed it to him) until you decided to get parted and go get ready at home.

That evening you were waiting for him in front of your apartment, when a taxi stopped in front of you and his figure appeared waving at you to come in on the back. His eyes widened in surprise “Well, well, well, look who got all fancy here”

He smirked as his eyes travelled on you shamelessly, the dress was actually one of those you brought ages ago and never used, also to wear heels felt like new, last time you went to a fancy event almost hard to recollect.

“Just move and let me in”

You said chuckling as you looked at him being so elegant when you noticed it, the price tag on his shirt.

“Seb, did you just buy this shirt?”

“Yes, and I am going to take it back tomorrow”

You looked at him puzzled

“What?” He groaned “I suck at ironing stuff”

You looked at him as a little laugh escaped your lips as he told you not to, but it was too late for that, you shifted closer to him anyway helping him to hide that price tag better behind his neck. Nevertheless the white shirt was really fancy and fitted him perfectly.

As you arrived in front of the gallery you sighed and made your way inside.

The place wasn’t crowded but few eyes turned as you got in.

“Would you like some champagne?” A waiter asked and Seb picked two flutes immediately downing one in a gulp on his own as the other was still in his other hand, he put the empty glass on the tray and then picked a third one handing it to you.

“Drink Y/N or you won’t make it to the end of the evening”

You smirked as he was always over dramatic, but indeed the evening seemed to be made for posh people to show off how cool they are.

You spotted the artist pretty quickly wearing a Valentino bright red dress, she surely had the dancer figure and gestures which gave her some kind of an edge.

"She is all yours"

You looked at Sebastian already half way through his drink, giving you that cheshire cat smirk.

"Are you sure?"

"You know I will insult her in a second if she names her dancing background one more time, I saw the videos, she looked like a three ready to collapse on the ground" he chuckled as you smirked shaking your head at his metaphor, but he is probably right, he is too much biased.

"I didn't notice the open back before" he said referring to your dress as he caressed over your skin with his fingertips making goosebumps raise up your spine.

"What? Am I too sexy for your own good?"

"Probably" he commented not losing a beat to answer you. You were taken aback from a moment, his eyes still down on his hand touching your back before raising up to find yours.

Then he took his hand away and pressed the cold champagne glass against it making you hiss "Now go, I'll check this bourgeois art"

You frowned but you just moved away from him. He always did it, he teased you and then made it a joke. You gave it back to him too, it was your relationship, that's how you balanced it.

"Good evening " you said to her with a smile holding your glass in your left hand before offering your right hand to her "I am Y/N, from the Art Tribune"

She went from neutral to smiling in a second

"Oh, I was waiting to meet you" she said leaning to kiss your cheek, surely she was a woman with charm, with a degree of boldness that made her charming and also, you noticed, extremely touchy-feely with everyone.

"We can define this a sort of retrospective of your previous works, I liked to see the evolution of it" you lied, because you just saw the catalogue.

But that was fair enough to have her go on about her, guess what? Past as a dancer, about how she needed to express herself, how she was her own muse and all the stuff you already read.

"What is next for you then?"

"I want to follow my dream, I have always wanted to found a space with my name where people could rent the rooms to perform dances and arts"

You stared at her. For real? Like there weren't other hundreds in the whole city?

"What will keep you apart from all the others that did this before you?"

"Nobody is me" she smirked like it was clear and obvious.

You asked few more questions, but you were sad to admit Sebastian was right. There wasn't art there, there was just profit, selling a name, a brand.

This saddened you because you met many artists that had less than a chance to make it but double the talent of Miss Valentino Dress.

"Y/N" Sebastian warm hand was on your back as you were downing the last bit of champagne "Come, come ,come quick" he said pushing you away as the artist clearly recognised him but he dismissed her with some insult or whatever he just mumbled.

"Seb, I was working, what the hell?"

"Elke is here"

You still didn't understand, you were puzzled as the reason of that anxiety was still unknown to you.

"Like your girlfriend Elke?"

"Put an ex in front of it" he said looking around frantically

"Oh, I am sorry, I didn't know"

"No, me neither, I thought she was just bashing around, she always did" his arm sneaked around your waist pulling you closer "please, act sexy for once"

You were one second from hitting his guts with your elbow when Elke herself approached.

"Oh, I didn't expect to see you here" she said waving her glass around

"Yeah, well I work for an important Art journal if you remember"

"How could I forget?" she groaned looking at you then as Sebastian's hand rested onto your hip. Really? Was he acting like you were his date?

"Hi, I am Y/N"

You said politely to her and she chuckled "Run when you can, this man is a leech and you don't even know it"

She mentioned it almost casually, but you could feel all the poison implied on your skin, Sebastian's hand giving you a soft squeeze, you had never seen him like this before. He looked like a dog that just got kicked, his back hunched over you lightly both trying to protect you and for protection.

"Well, thank you for your advice, I must be a real torment too because we actually have lot of fun together, I like his unpredictability"

You said it from your heart, you didn't want to insult her or anything, but you felt bad for him. Even if he probably deserved it, to be humiliated like this must be hard in any circumstance, in particular in a place where he is supposed to work and being known.

He looked at you a bit surprised, he leaned slowly pressing a kiss on your temple and you smiled because of that gesture so enveloped in that feeling of tenderness.

"Your shot" Elke said clearly a bit annoyed that you as she just moved along followed by a man that must be her date.

"Lets go out"

You suggested as Seb nodded and just followed for once, he held your hand as you guided him and for once he wasn't talking or commenting anything.

As you went out he sat down on the sidewalk pulling out his package of cigarettes taking out one immediately.

"Hey stand up" you said to him as he looked up at you and you snatched that cigarette off his lips "let's go away"

"Where? Don't we have to stay until she gets naked to dance?"

You smirked "No, we have all the material we need"

You took his cigarette away offering him your hand as he picked it and you guided him.

He was silent, which is rare, when he was silent it meant he was upset in some way, he always had a nice comeback line for everything usually.

His head leaned on side like a scolded child as he slowly laced your fingers together.

You walked across few streets, your heels clicking on the cement until you made it to your final location pulling him inside.

"Constatinopole?"

Seb asked looking at the sign, it was a kebab place, your favourite by the way.

"I am hungry" you just said making him lower his head and smile like a kid with cue breathy chuckles.

You ordered for the two of you as he went to sat down putting another cigarette between his lips when the man behind the counter glared at him and he just put it back in the package.

He sat down slouching as you did some small talks with the guys there, you clearly knew them. The soft music from the radio holding the place into a sort of magical aura as his eyes travelled over your naked back once more, the need for a cigarette becoming even more urgent.

You two dressed so elegantly really were so noticeable in the bright lightend place, he smiled to himself thinking it could be a nice painting by Hopper.

You came back offering him his kebab with a soft drink, very thoughtful because he was indeed already a bit high on champagne.

You ate quietly together, it wasn't uncomfortable, your silences were happening often at work and always filled with a sense of common understanding, you leaned your leg up like you always did at the office and rested it on his thigh as you sat sideways beside him. His hand flying naturally on your ankle to give his usual massage, his thumb tracing your skin with imaginary patterns as his other hand held the kebab close to his mouth.

The speaker at the radio announcing next song as Rocket Man by Elton John filled the room with a melancholic vibe. You couldn't help but think the song suited perfectly Sebastian, his being out of this word, out of control.

"Thank you" he said at some point as he tried his best not to ruin his shirt, you looked up at him as he was staring, his eyes telling you something on their own "You have been the best girlfriend I have ever had"

He added with a bitter smile diverting once more his gaze, you smiled back at him, he looked so resigned. Maybe it was the alcohol, but you have never seen him so fragile before.

"I could be"

His eyes darted up to you, his surprise evident as he put down the kebab, the soothing voice of the British singer still giving a dream edge to the moment as he moved closer. You slowly shifted your leg to give him room of movement as his right arm sneaked to rest on the back of your chair closing the space between the two of you.

His lips tasted still a bit of champagne as he pressed them against yours, you kissed him back slowly as his left hand travelled on your thigh pulling you closer to him probably staining your dress because of his greasy hand.

He pulled back almost immediately before leaning onto you again titling his head on the other side. This second time the kiss was more deep, more intense. Your hands slowly cradling his face before pulling back yourself.

He smiled against your lips and you smiled back.

Maybe tomorrow you will regret it like Elke said, maybe not.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief@thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved@fictionlandslanddreams@charistory @greeneyedblondie44@apparrio @hb8301@whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme  @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl@obsidianlaszlo@alindeluce@zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahlingLet me know if you want to get tagged to my publications too <3

[oceanautismrosenberg]

March, 1998. Raven Brooks.

[♡MxT♡]

---------------

It was a rainy afternoon, and Maritza's plans had not gone as planned. At least long enough that, with frustrated tears in her tired eyes, she walks out of her house.

- Damn Enzo...

She murmured through her lips, her gaze full of discord. The drops of water wet her small backpack and at the same time her fuchsia cloth coat.

In the distance, she heard a voice eagerly calling out her name. She watched with dull eyes, until she noticed her identity and the stupid feeling returned. She felt butterflies in her stomach again.

- Trinity?

Yes. It was her. Her girlfriend, for some reason, was out on the street in the middle of the rain.

-Mari! How can you think of being here when it's cold?

-I am sorry.

She looked down at the same time the opposite. She noticed a small box in Trinity's hands. It was turned around, but you could tell it was covered in red paper.

"Don't you want me to keep it?"

-Nope! Just...can we go indoors? I was thinking of giving it to you at your house...

Maritza, taking her eyes off the box and leaving her gaze on the rainy sky, put her hands in her pockets.

-Does it bother you so much that I grab a box?-

-It's not that!

The girl with tanned skin and dyed hair raised an eyebrow, wiping away a tear that she still had in her eye and that would soon dry.

-It's our well-being...Silly! Just... Let's go to my house.

Trinity began to take steps in that direction and Maritza followed without a rumble. Street after street, her ways differed. For example, Trinity dodged puddles, and Maritza stepped on them lightly, so as not to soak her beloved more than she already was.

[...]

The short-haired girl was using one of the multiple hair dryers in the other's house, but it wasn't for her. She was drying the upturned box, which was lying on top of a rag.

Trinity, in the same room, was lying on a purple bean bag, as was part of her room, which was combined with cool colors.

-Can I open it now?

-No.

With an anxious and disappointed look, she responded to the girl's only word. The other just laughed.

- Nervous, right?

-Yes, I am, I admit it...

The reason why she couldn't open it was obvious. It was the risk of her ruining her insides from getting wet.

-Be a little more patient, Mari.

There was a long silence, one in which the sound of the dryer was loud and mind-numbing.

-I can now?

With a kind and charismatic smile, the older one got up from her bean bag, dragged him close to the young woman and made room for him to sit next to her. The other, noticing her action, turned off the dryer and sat down.

Without saying a word, she opened the box. There were some daisies in the most visible area of ​​its interior. If they were removed from sight, the presence of some photos of the two of them could be noticed. They were old photos, even from when they were in their childhood, researching who this Theodore was that they used to talk about so much.

The eyes of the teenager with dyed hair became teary, and more so when she saw the confused face of her beloved. She grabbed her jacket and without even thinking, she kissed her. She shed little tears of happiness and her heartbeat felt stronger.

She separated from her in a few seconds. In this kiss she didn't even find lust or anything like that from her. Just a sincere love of two teenagers being polar opposites.

-I love you! Oh my god! What's more, I'll shout it!

The black-haired girl arched an eyebrow in confusion, and the other girl got up from the bean bag, opening the room's musty window.

-I love my girlfriend Trinity, I love her!

-Close the window! The rain is entering the room!

-I am sorry.

Maritza stared out the window, and somensoft arms embraced her from behind her. Through the reflection of the glass, they saw each other's eyes, until they both burst out laughing, remembering what had recently happened.

At that moment, Trinity thought a few last words.

"Fuck, I love this girl so much."

---------------

HOLY SHIT.

I spent an hour just writing this stupid thing and then translating every word that the common translator couldn't.

Anyway, I'm in a stage that I call: Shipper phase

So get ready for a little wave of Maritza x Trinity.

Anyways, see ya (・o・)!

[rvmmm21]

. six things vampires love about puppies .

[vampiremum!irene x puppy!wendy]

. . . . .

In Joohyun’s definitely unbiased opinion, Seungwan has too many habits that make her the cutest girl in the world. 

Here are just a few of her favourites:

one: 

Mornings aren’t the best, the vampiress especially can attest to that. But luckily, they have ‘Sunshine Time’ before school. Just as the gentle morning rays peep through the curtains, Joohyun dutifully rouses little puppy, peppering kisses over soft ears, feeling her actions prompt a string of tiny yawns, one big stretch, and the groggiest little mumble of “luv u mummie”. Joohyun’s heart sings at the sound of her title, and she tells her Wannie that she’ll never stop loving her too. They brush their teeth, but before they even think about getting ready for the big day of learning ahead, Joohyun’s bent forward with Seungwan’s both hands around her wrist as she toddles over to the window. 

She’s aimed for her favourite spot in the house, other than the play room, of course. It’s a homemade bed thing that Joohyun had crafted from an old duvet and some spare blankets. Joohyun thinks it kind of looks like a dog bed, but she only smiles when Seungwan gravitates towards it, knowing the penny will drop when little puppy is older. Within minutes, they’re in their routine position; Wannie snuggled into her blankies and the vampiress sitting right where the light draws the line into darkness. Joohyun’s knees hurt sometimes from the strain of how she’s sitting– staying in the dark but also reaching over as much as she can to give Seungwan the head pats she deserves (and whines if she doesn’t constantly get).

Because it’s still relatively early in the morning, Joohyun more often than not finds that Seungwan’s checked into Dreamland yet again. An adoring sigh leaves her as she detaches herself and lightly pads over to the wardrobe to get her uniform out while her snoozy puppy snores lightly in her puddle of sunshine.

They’ll pack lunch together.

. . . . . 

two:

Seungwan’s sense of smell is vigorous, which is great because it’s also how she shows affection. Sometimes, Joohyun will find herself with a chestful of mopey puppy in the middle of the day while she’s doing whatever she’s doing. She presses her nose into Joohyun’s clothes, or even just her collarbone and takes lungfuls of her mummy’s scent. 

“What’s the matter, puppy?” she coos, gently tilting her sniffling Wannie away from her.

Seungwan’s too upset to talk. She wriggles, wanting to latch on again. But Joohyun won’t give in. Not yet.

She takes the tip of a velvet ear between her fingers, giving it a few soft rolls and watching erratic breathing calm down. Truthfully, there’s no need to even ask what the matter is. Those teary eyes can hide nothing from her.

So she resigns, letting Seungwan quietly cuddle into her front.

“It’s maths homework, isn’t it?”

There’s a small nod against her followed by heavy inhales. The vampiress whispers to her baby until the hiccups even out and Seungwan is sound asleep. They’ll work on those equations later on.

Joohyun swears if maths were a person, they’d rue the day they ever hurt her Wannie.

. . . . .

three:

On a slightly more serious note, Joohyun has had to have some talks with her baby about self-assurance and dignity. It was on a walk one afternoon, and Seungwan had seen some other kids over by the swings.

“Swings! Push Wannie?”

Seungwan is always this excited about swings. Swingy Time gets her Wannie just as hyper as Swimmy Time. Joohyun holds her hand as they approach the swingset, ready to wait their turn. She looks down to see a tail held high, poking from underneath the seam of her puffy winter coat, something she learnt puppies do when they’re feeling friendly and happy.

That is, until Seungwan realises that, on second thought, she… didn’t really want to go on the swings after all.

As they near, the vampiress swallows a surprised gasp when Seungwan just… anchors herself to the ground. It takes her a while to figure it out, but when she observes closer, the problem shows itself larger than life. 

They’re not hybrids, just regular children.

A pang of heartache twists into her chest as she watches tiny hands move at the speed of light, furiously tucking her tail up and under her coat so it’s way out of sight before making grabs with outstretched arms at the baseball cap on Joohyun’s head.

She knows what Seungwan is doing, but she asks anyway, ready to teach her. “Why, baby?”

Guilty ears flip back and sadly droop down. Seungwan knows she’s been read, but she can’t help it! Those kids are going to run away if they see gross dog ears sticking out of her head!

“G-gib Wannie,” she pouts, quickly remembering her manners when Joohyun raises a brow down at her, “pl-please… mummie.”

“You’re hiding your ears, aren’t you?” The vampiress crouches. “Wan-ah, don’t do that. Don’t hide those cute ears and that happy tail. Mummy loves those so much.”

Seungwan is all but convinced. You may like it, mummie, but– ”when they see, they say Wannie’s weird.”

It’s time to be firm, and Joohyun holds a pouting puppy still. “Look at me, baby.”

Teary eyes meet hers.

“Those kids are not going to make fun of you. And if they do, then mummy won’t be happy with them. And you know what that means, right?”

Seungwan can’t hide her evil smirk. Extra brussel sprouts for their dinners.

“You’re not weird for having these,” she emphasises her point by smoothing a warm, chocolate ear and Seungwan’s eyes begin to close. She squeaks when Joohyun moves to untuck her tail from the base of her coat. “Or this.”

She’ll save the real talks about self-esteem and insecurities for when her puppy is older, but for now, Seungwan just needs to know that her mummy will have her back, come what may.

Hand in hand, they make their way over to the swings and the playing children. And aside from the initial blatant questioning about where she got those added features, Seungwan made a few new friends at the park that day.

(Joohyun was ever ready to pounce at the slightest hint of mean-spiritedness she felt– but she realised that it was just that no beating around the bush way that kids ask questions). 

. . . . .

four:

Oh, oh, okay. So Seungwan is a nervous little puppy as much as she’s a friendly one, right? And Joohyun finds that hilarious and heart-wrenching all at once when she watches her pup trying to make new friends but can’t seem to find the right way to introduce herself. It takes all her cooperating brain cells to not either roll about laughing or scoop the little thing up and smother her in reassuring kisses when the ‘I’m Shy, It’z Me’ stance comes out. 

Ears pressed flat, eyes burrowed into the ground, tail stiffer than a wooden plank.

The other hybrid kid pokes unsure, searching sniffs at the air around her, clearly very interested in becoming friends.

Aigo, you need a boost, don’t you baby, Joohyun coos, coming up with her magic hands to help her relax. “Wannie, come on. Say hello.”

She gives her shivering puppy a few butt pats to ease the tension. “Aigo, Chaengie won't bite. Look, she’s curling her tail! She wants to play with you, Wannie!”

A coffee-coloured ear springs back up, curiously folding over as Seungwan cocks her head. Chaengie wants to play too? She quickly glances back up at her mummy, as if double-checking with her that that really was the case.

“Mhm,” the vampiress assures with a few more tail pats of encouragement. “What have we said about manners, Wan? What do we do when someone’s happy to see us?”

Seungwan pauses for a second, but eventually looks up with soft, shiny eyes, whispering, “wag tail, mummie.”

Joohyun thinks Seungwan’s innocence in situations like these is astounding, but she knows she’s got the right idea. She smiles and nods in affirmative praise. 

We show them we’re happy to see them too– 

– so yes, puppy, wag tail. 

“Good girl! Go on, you can do it.” Her comforting presence takes a flame to the frozen fluff, and it begins to swish back and forth. Tentatively at first, but then like a speedboat motor, a couple hours later when they’re frolicking in the park, playing tag and one hundred percent best friends now.

Joohyun and Jisoo watch from afar, wondering how those silly kids were ever so shy in front of each other in the first place.

. . . . .

five: 

If Joohyun has one complaint, it would be the misfortune of physical growth. The vampiress misses the times where her arm span alone was enough to wrap puppy in a burrito hug during movie nights or… whenever a set of curious eyes spied her mummy’s arms lacking in… well, her. Unfortunately nowadays it’s a bit harder to cocoon her baby like she used to so easily do, only because Seungwan’s sprouted a few inches skywards. But Seungwan doesn’t know that. She still thinks she’s as little as she was when her mummy had spooked her and taken her home that night. 

And Joohyun’d be damned if she ever changed that.

. . . . . 

six:

Turns out that one way ticket to Nibble City was actually an All Seasons VIP Pass, because Seungwan is unstoppable.

Whenever she finds something she really, really loves, she does these little nibbles on them to show it. And it isn’t just limited to her dino-shaped butter biscuits or Pippin either. There are many things she loves! Mummy the most, of course. And then there are the inanimate objects.

As much as Joohyun doesn’t mind it, Wannie’s habit can prove to be a challenge. Especially when she finds the corners of pillowcases suspiciously frayed when she’s having guests over, or when she’s trying to stir Yerimie’s favourite kimchi soup, only to pick up the wooden ladle and find its handle all wet and indented with tiny teeth.

“Seung-Wan-ah!” she calls… in that tone.

That tone that soon has muffled, panicked thuds reverberating through the house as a little someone makes a break for her toy fort where she’ll be safe from the dragon’s wrath. 

She thinks she’s so slick until the dragon herself barges through that door, effortlessly bypassing all Seungwan’s meticulous booby traps and her blue blanket moat. Her castle, her safehold has just been ruined! All lines of defence defeated by the monster herself!

Her fort is under siege, so like any good ruler, Seungwan resorts to playing the deadest of dead. It’s never very effective though, because with just a few tickles, the dragon is able to conjure an innocent little puppy back to life.

“Wannie….” 

“Yis, mummie?” she replies, giggling softly.

And then the dragon’s gone and her mummy is back all of a sudden.

Joohyun shakes her head at how easy it is for Seungwan to make her forget why she was mad in the first place.

. . . . .

There are so many more things to list, and the vampiress could go on for centuries about Seungwan’s endearing quirks.

So perhaps she will, but for now, it’s time for a dino-shaped butter biscuit and some cuddles.

See you soon!

small note: this makes me think of you. when you see this, i hope you smile too.

an even smaller note: not proofread. i'll do that in a sec. but i missed them so much too! didn't expect to churn this out at this time but here we go.

[dayumbrose]

Remember Me.

This is something I wrote the other day, something that just came to mind after reading a lot of other one shots, and the fact my birthday falls on Memorial Day weekend/ Memorial Day a lot.

Y/N woke up that morning, more than a little excited, but a little sad too. Today was her birthday, a day that she usually cherished, a day planned to the brim, and enough treats to fill a bakery. But this was the first year that she was spending it with the Avengers, and the first year she'd actually told no one it was her birthday. This year, her birthday fell on a holiday, and not a fun one like Halloween or the Fourth of July like Steve. This holiday was a lot more somber, though there were parades and parties, it was a day to remember those that couldn't be at those events. Today was Memorial Day, and she knew being in a house with soldiers, this day was about the friends and comrades they'd lost more than it was sharing cake with her.

She hadn't always felt this way, already dreaming of her birthday a few weeks back, wondering if she could convince Tony to scale back his usually overboard parties. Y/N was on her phone in the common room, adding things to her Pintrest board when she overheard Sam talking to Nat about the time he spent at the VA. She knew he'd lost a very close friend not all that long ago, little pangs of guilt started creeping into her brain. At first, she thought she was being silly, but when she heard Sam had made plans to meet with some other veterans, and take Steve and Bucky with him, Y/N squashed her ideas of a party altogether, deciding it was best to let the day pass.

Heading into the kitchen, she decided on making herself some cereal for breakfast, huffing slightly at the sight of all the bowls on the higher shelves. It did not pay to be short in Stark Tower. Reaching on her tip toes, her fingers grazed the edges, and she prepared herself to catch a bowl if it fell, before a metal arm slipped around her waist, the other grabbing a bowl down with ease for her.

"Sorry Shortcake. I put up the dishes last night, forgot to leave some down where you can reach." Bucky teased, kissing the top of her head lightly. Bucky and Steve had been in a relationship for about a year before she took residence in the tower, coming to terms with feelings they never really expressed before the war. Wanda was the first one to pick up on the affection the soldiers began to show her over the past couple of months, but they hadn't put an official label on it. Turning in his arms, she smiled, seeing him in a dark gray dress shirt and slacks, gloves sticking out of his pocket if he decided he needed to hide his arm.

"You look really nice today, Buck."

"Yeah? Think so? This collar's kinda choking. Haven't had to wear one quite like this since my Sergeant days." He hummed in appreciation as her hands busied themselves around his neck, fixing his collar so it looked good without being so stiff.

"What plans do you have today, little miss?" Y/N bit her lip, a little unsure. She'd originally planned on brunch with him and Steve, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.

"Oh nothing. May head into the city for a while, do some shopping, get lost." Maybe she'd stop in her favorite diner for lunch and buy herself something nice, a gift to herself. Bucky took hold of her hands, swinging them lightly.

"Well, don't go getting too lost, maybe me you and Stevie can get dinner later, huh? I know you've been wanting to try that little Vietnamese place we saw the other day."

"Sounds like a plan, Barnes. Now you better finish getting ready, you know Sam likes to be prompt."

When Bucky left, Y/N finished her cereal, heading back upstairs to get ready. The day seemed ready for a celebration, sunny and warm with just the slightest of breezes. Changing into one of her favorite outfits, her spirits were higher than they'd been in days, and she was prepared to celebrate her day alone.

Y/N was still out when the soldiers returned from the VA and the cemetery, Steve and Sam finding Tony in the lab, chewing his thumb out of nerves.

"What's got you so worked up?" Steve asked, grabbing a chair, Sam doing the same.

"I can't believe she didn't tell us. How could she not? How did I not look it up?"

"Tony, you gotta breathe a minute and tell us what the issue is." Sam leaned over, Y/N's picture and information pulled up on the screen in front of Tony.

"I was doing some updates on FRIDAY, and part of that was adding Y/N's information into the database. Which is when I noticed it."

"Noticed what?" Steve was concerned, wondering if he should call for Bucky. Was something wrong?

"Today's her birthday. Why didn't she tell us?" All three of them shared a look, wondering why Y/N would hide that from them? Steve pulled out his phone, and began sending messages.

"What are you up to?" Sam asked him, watching as a small smile appeared on the Captain's face.

"Oh nothing."

Y/N was putting her things away in the car, getting ready to head back to the compound when she received a text from Steve.

[Steve] you coming home any time soon, pretty girl?

[Y/N] on my way home now, Stevie. Need something?

His response made her smile.

[Steve] You.

Once she reached the compound, Y/N started overthinking, a usual bad habit of hers. She'd bought herself a few things she'd been holding off for a while on, what had changed? As the elevator doors opened, she was met with another concern. Everyone was in the common room, even down to Pepper and Morgan.

"I guess the gang's all here?"

"Y/N!" Morgan squealed, racing from her mother's lap, "I made you a picture!" Almost shoving it in her face, Morgan had done her best to draw most of them, but it was the scrawly letters at the top that took her off guard. It was misspelled and hard to read, but there was no doubt it said Happy Birthday.

"Shortcake." Bucky called, grabbing her hands very similarly to the way he held them earlier that morning.

"Why didn't you tell us today was your birthday?" Y/N hung her head, not even wanting to know how they found out.

"Because, its Memorial Day. It's a day to remember, not a day for parties." It was Sam's turn to hang his head, knowing she'd heard him that day.

"It was good for you, Steve, and Sam to go spend time with the other soldiers today, for them and for you guys. That's more important than cake and ice cream." Sam stepped beside her, silently pulling her into a hug, his lips to her ear before he began to speak.

"Today may be a day marked on a calendar to remember those that fought and died, but they fought so we can do things like celebrate you. Losing Riley hurt like hell, but I can tell you what helps. Watching the way you help Peter and Morgan with their homework. Or bake cakes with Wanda. Or how you always sit on the balcony to read on a sunny day. I'm sorry I helped make you feel like you weren't as important. I don't need a certain day on a calendar to remember my friends. This is your day. And we'll be damned if we don't celebrate you on it." Y/N was a teary mess by the time he was done, sniffling as he pulled back. Steve had appeared by then, brushing away her tears with his thumbs.

"Now. There may or may not be some cheesecake, ice cream, and caramel sauce in the fridge for a certain birthday girl..."

"And me too?" Morgan asked, big eyes full of hope. Y/N picked her up, placing her on her hip.

"Of course, you too." Bucky laughed, kissing Y/N on her cheek.

"Happy birthday, Shortcake."

[ilovefandoms102]

Enough is Enough

Pairing: JJ x Plus Size Reader

Summary: You and JJ are starting to constantly be harassed by the Kooks about your relationship. What happens when it becomes too much for you to handle?

Taglist:

@drewswannabegirl @velyssaraptor @kaitieskidmore1 @jiaraendgame @teamnick @jeyramarie @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon​ @baby-pogue​ @ma10427​ @judayyyw​ @must-be-a-weasley-92​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @agirlwholovescoffee​ @justcallmesams​ @lasnaro​ @lonely-kermit​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @ifilwtmfc​ @gviosca​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @eb15​ @tangledinsparkles​ @hurricane-abigail​ @outerbongs​ @jaxandcomet​ 

Note: This is for the anon that requested this summary, I tried to combine the ending so I hope that’s ok! I hope I made you proud! And as always I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think!

=======================

JJ and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. Our parents big on the drug market in The Cut. We had similar home lives in that as well, except my parents just mentally abuse me. I had always been ‘bigger’ than everyone else we grew up with. JJ and the others accepting and never having a problem with my size, but my parents were never ending on how I needed to change. There was nothing more than I hated then having to go home....

The endless comments about how I’m ‘too fat’, ‘need to go on a diet’, ‘have you tried exercising’, ‘how do you have friends’, ‘you will never be loved because you are fat.......It wasn’t just them I got these kind of comments from however, the Kooks were also ruthless when it came to body shaming....

========================================

I had started developing feelings for JJ about a year ago, he had started sending me mixed signals that just confused me to no end. For example, he would only want to sit beside me anytime we went anywhere, sometimes he would hold my hand, and he had become a lot more touchy. Which I didn’t mind at first, I thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until at a kegger when JJ got piss drunk and I had to take him back to the chateau since I was the only one capable of driving that things had changed between us....

“You know, you’re really pretty.” JJ slurred, his hat tipped way down over his eyes.

“Who, your hat because I’m sure that’s all you can see right now J.” I laughed, tipping it back up for him. 

“No silly, I’m talking about you! I think, I think I might be falling in love with you.” he hiccuped.

“What the fuck JJ?!” I yelled, looking at my very intoxicated friend.

“Well...I am. Fuck, you’re so beautiful, my favorite part of the day is seeing you. Do-do you think you’re falling in love with me too y/n?” he asked, trying to sit up in the car seat.

“I don’t even know how to respond to that JJ.” I groaned, pulling into the chateau.

“Just say yes or no what do you mean?” he slurred, giving me a ‘duh’ look.

I helped him out, he was a lot heavier than he looked. I kind of threw him on the couch because it was enough getting him up the stairs of the porch. He whined when his face hit the cushions, rolling over to face me. He grinned widely, sitting up not so sturdily. 

“Are you going to answer me baby?” he asked, playing with a strand of my hair.

“You’re hammered J, you won’t remember any of this in the morning. Go to sleep.” I mumbled, getting up to take his bed for the night.

“Nooo, come back I need to know! Babyyyyyy.” he whined, seconds later he was snoring.

===================================

 I woke up encased in warmth, I threw my hand out to take the blankets off when I came in to contact with something hard. I turned to see JJ beside me, his strong arms caging me against him. I didn’t even know he had came in here last night....Does he even remember doing it?

“Ow,” JJ groaned.

“JJ, what are you doing in here?” I asked, turning in his hold. 

“Sleeping,” he grumbled, nuzzling his head further into me.

“I’m positive I left you on the couch last night.” I said, brushing some hair out of his eyes.

“I wanted a cuddle buddy,” he pouted, his eyes still closed. 

“Do you remember last night?” I asked hesitantly.

“Bits and pieces, but I do know what I said to you.” he said, cracking his eyes open. My breath hitched in my throat, preparing myself for the worst.

“It’s ok J, we all say things we don’t mean when we’re drunk.” I chuckled, trying to play it off.

“Well I meant what I said, and I know you feel the same way.” he said, blue eyes staring deep into mine.

“Full of yourself much Maybank?” I scoffed, pushing him playfully. 

“I know you like the back of my hand sweetheart, which  I was surprised you never said anything. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m into you.” he said, his eyes searching mine for any tell of what I might be thinking. 

“JJ, look at me....do you know what people would say? I can’t let you go through that.” I whispered, hiding my face in his chest.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t give a flying fuck what people have to say about us. I-I love you, and I will do whatever I have to. I want to be with you.” he said, pulling my head back to look in my eyes.

“I love you J,” I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. 

He kissed me hard, our teeth clashing together at the force. All of our pent up emotions and feelings for each other poured out into the kiss. Teeth and tongues moving sloppily, but it was beautiful. Never in a million years did I think JJ would ever feel the way I felt. I never thought any guy would give me the time of day, but all this time.....it was JJ.

====================================

It’s been about 6 months since JJ and I became official....

I was over the moon with him, never have I felt happier then when I was with him.

That was until the Kooks found out..more specifically, Rafe and his posse. It was hard enough with them harassing us because we are Pogues, but now they go out of their way to get at JJ and I. JJ of course flew off the handle anytime they mentioned my name, and I was tired of having to clean him up. I didn’t like seeing the marks on his face...I had seen enough of them come from his dad. I couldn’t help but feel like it was all my fault.... 

What drew the line for me was a day Pope, JJ, and I were making some deliveries to Figure Eight. Of course we were minding our own business when Rafe, Kelce, and Topper spotted us walking by the golf course. 

“Well, well look who we have here Top!” Rafe yelled, all of us freezing in our spot. I did not want to do this today.

“Guys come on, let’s just do these deliveries and go home.” I sighed, trying to pull on JJ’s bicep.

“You might run out of business if you keep having fatty here make runs with you Pope, she probably eats everything before it gets to the door.” Rafe smirked, eyeing JJ. 

“You watch your fucking mouth Rafe,” JJ growled.

“JJ please, they aren’t worth it.” I whispered, tugging on him again. 

“Hush piggy.” Topper said, shoving you to the side. 

No clue where it came from, but I had enough with them bullying us. I swerved my fist back and punched Topper straight in the nose, a sickening crunch sound followed by a shout came from Topper. Everything happened so fast after that... Topper grabbed me, pulling me off to the side. JJ and Pope were busy fighting off Rafe and Kelce.

“You will NEVER be good enough for him to love you y/n. You know that right?” Topper taunted, holding his bloody nose. 

“He does love me Topper!” I shouted, frustrated tears rolling down my face.

“Who could ever love someone like you? Look at you! You’re disgusting, ugly, and fat” he laughed.

“Shut the fuck up Topper!” I screamed.

I heard a scream, my eyes tearing from Topper to see Rafe beating JJ with his golf club. I cried out in horror, going to JJ’s aid. I was held back by Topper, his sinister chuckle sending chills through me. JJ tried to fight back, reaching for the golf club to stop its attack. Blood covered his beautiful face, splattering Rafe’s shirt. Sobs wracked my body, it became harder to breathe every moment I had to endure.

“JJ!” I yelled, tearing myself from Topper’s hold. I ran at Rafe, my only thoughts were keeping JJ and Pope safe.

“No!” Pope yelled as I ran towards Rafe.

I jumped on Rafe’s back, wrapping my legs around him so I could grab the golf club. It provided enough distraction for JJ to jump up, grabbing the golf club from Rafe and tossing it. Topper threw me off of Rafe, my face hitting the gravel below. The Kooks had enough since they ran off from us, leaving all of us beaten and bloody. I looked at JJ who was starting to sway, I got to him just in time before he hit the gound.

“JJ!” I yelled, and he was unresponsive....

==================================

I sat in the ER room with JJ, machines and tubes running every which way. Silent tears still rolled down my face, the reality of everything overwhelming my brain....I couldn’t let JJ keep getting hurt for me. He has enough to deal with at home, I can’t bare bringing him anymore hurt. It was too much, my heart shattered to pieces. I knew I had to end things before they got worse, no one else was getting hurt for me...

==================================

I was huddled up in my room a few days later, not having spoken to JJ, or any of the Pogues. I had hundreds of missed calls, texts, and FaceTime’s. This way, no one could get hurt. This way would be better for them. 

That’s what I kept telling myself at least....

There was a loud banging on my front door, I looked out the window and saw JJ. I froze, his solemn blue eyes made my heart clench. I opened the door slowly, met with my teary eyed boyfriend. His eyes were so red, it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. His slight stubble adding to his tired appearance.

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your damn phone!” he bellowed, veins popping out of his neck.

“I want to break up.” I blurted. His face dropped, fresh tears coming to his eyes.

“What?” he asked, his voice croaking. 

“I-I don’t want to do this anymore JJ.” I said, trying to sound convincing. 

“What has happened in the past three days that you decided you don’t want to be with me anymore? Do...Do you not love me anymore?” he whispered, the sheer pain in his voice made me want to forget my plan.

“No,” I croaked, trying to keep my tears at bay. I breathed in, clutching tight on the door.

“You’re lying.” he growled, seeing right through me.

“Dammit JJ! I can’t do this! I can’t watch you and the others get hurt for me anymore! Rafe almost fucking killed you because I’m fat!” I screamed.

“Don’t you fucking say that again! You are not fat! You are beautiful just the way you are, who the fuck cares about the Kooks? They harass us anyways, it wouldn’t matter!” he yelled back, tears rolling down both our faces at this point. 

“Either way, this is done JJ. Goodbye.” I said, slamming the door in his face.

“Baby please! Open the door! I love you, please don’t leave me! Y/N!” he cried, fists pounding on the door.

 I could hear his sobs through the wood, my heart breaking as I cried with him...

=======================================

Almost a week had gone by...

I haven’t ate, slept, just stared at my wall and let the tears roll. I felt like shit....literal shit. I hated myself for looking the way I did...not only did it cost my happiness with JJ, but it put the Pogues in danger. I wished more than anything that I could look like Kie, or Sarah. A skinny, beautiful girl. Someone people are excited to see, someone who can wear no makeup and look flawless, someone who didn’t have to try....

“Kie is here piggy,” my mother slurred, stumbling back to the living room.

“Hey” she whispered, taking in my tear soaked features.

“Hi Kie,” I croaked, my bottom lip trembling.

She came to me, sitting beside me as she wrapped her arms around me. I cried in her arms, what I’m sure JJ had done as well.

“I’ve missed you,” she said, brushing my tears away.

“You don’t have to say that because you feel sorry for me Kie.” I chuckled.

“When are you going to understand that we love YOU. You are the glue of our group, you light up everyone’s day. You’re kind, funny, beautiful, and just an all around amazing friend.” she said, holding my hands tightly. 

“Kie...I’m-” I started.

“You are not fat, I don’t want to hear that word out of your mouth. JJ has been a mess this whole week, what is going on?” she asked, so I explained everything to her.

“I can’t let him get hurt for me when he has enough of hurt from his dad Kiara.” I muttered, looking into her brown orbs. 

“You all need each other y/n. You’re each other’s soulmates, I truly believe that. JJ can take care of himself just like the rest of us can. We would do anything for you, you’re our family.” she said, pulling me into a hug.

“I love you all so much Kie, I can’t let them keep hurting you all.” I sobbed.

“You let us deal with that, now, I think you should talk to JJ.” Kie sighed.

“I-...I can’t Kie. There’s no way he’d take me back. He-he doesn’t understand...” I mumbled, picking at my fingers.

“Alright, I’ll talk to him. Then we can go from there yeah?” she asked, raising her brow. I nodded, hugging her again before she took off.

=====================================

It wasn’t even an hour later before knocking at my door was heard again. I looked to see my mom passed out on the couch, a bottle of liquor in her hand. I ran to the door, peaking out to see JJ. He looked just as bad if not worse than me.

“Hi,” he whispered, looking me up and down.

“JJ,” I croaked.

We both collapsed into each other, crying into the other’s shoulder. I clutched onto JJ tight, afraid that if I let go I’d lose him again. We both mumbled apologies to each other. His huge, ringed hand encased my head to his chest, his lips kissing wherever they could reach on my face.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you JJ, I-I just didn’t want you or anyone else to get hurt because of me.” I sobbed, pulling back to look at his handsome face. 

“I’m sorry to baby, for not understanding your reasons and just blowing up like that.” he sniffed,  his hands gripping my face to kiss my cheeks before placing a tender kiss on my lips.

“I don’t want you to get hurt like that again J,” I whispered, holding his wrists.

“I don’t want to hear you talk bad about yourself anymore. I love you just the way you are...You’re perfect to me. Deal?” he smiled, kissing my nose. I giggled, throwing myself forward to kiss his lips again. 

“Deal, I love you JJ Maybank.” I said, my voice cracking.

“I love you more,” he said softly, leaning his forehead on mine.

[kim-ruzek]

CONGRATULATIONS ON HITTING 100K WORDS PUBLISHED!!!!!

I am so stinking proud of you, because you’re amazing and you’ve written almost 100k burzek words?? That’s an extra 100k that wasn’t in this fandom before. That nobody had read. Of scenarios and storylines and beautiful prose that you did.

I was going to try do a “rank your fics” thing, but then I realised like…I have a top three and then everything else moves around depending on my mood. So I’m telling you my top three.

Number one is, as always, Contentedness. I love this fic so so much. I believe it was the first appearance of Ally (whose now my favourite ever original character and sorry not sorry I’ve stolen her multiple times but HOW COULD I NOT???). This fic just…its the epitome of soft burzek for me. Of burzek loving each other and working through their issues and deciding that their love is worth continuing on with. Is worth going through the hardships. It’s worth it all. Plus the teasing Antonio and him not realising Ally is Adam’s daughter! And that beautiful moment of Kim remembering that she had to tell Voight she and Adam were sleeping together (I can never forget it that line is EMBOSSED INTO MY SOUL). And “I’m talking about my granddaughter, not her father.” From Trudy. This was the moment honorary Grandmother!Trudy was born and she will never leave my soul. Ever.

Two and three I keep tossing up which goes first, and honestly if I wrote this tomorrow I’d probably have a different two and three. But number two right now is family we chose. I just…it’s everything. The nails. The love confession. MAKAYLA AND THE BADGE AROUND HER NECK. All of it. The gentle way they talk to her and explain about Kim. Not glossing over that everything is Not Ok between Kevin and Adam (not that you ever would), and the moment Kim just holds onto her family because she’s survived and they’re there and she loves them so damn much and they love her. It’s…I cry every time. Every. Single. Time.

Three is something’s gone terribly wrong. I remember the day you came up with it, and I just went back through our messages and found the one where I worked out (from no clues) what the twist would be and why Adam was missing. We knew the braincell was a thing anyway, but I think that just cemented our knowledge of its genius. But this fic…this stupid, amazing, awe inspiring fic. I love it so much. Like so incredibly much. (AND HOW IS IT TWO MONTHS OLD ALREADY????) It’s just…it has everything. Suspense, Al’s POV (that you write so well), that moment where Kim has to tell Al that they had sex that morning and oh god I could feel the cringe and embarrassment through the page. Bob being an ass. Voight being protective, AL being protective. Antonio listening to Kim and realising she’s right and getting the information out of Bob. Roman bashing. Kim standing up for herself and telling Trudy she can’t work with him anymore. AND THEN SHE GETS OFFERED INTELLIGENCE AND SHE DESERVES IT. That moment is so gorgeous. And Al turning up at the end and telling Adam he’d have kept the secret? Inviting them for dinner? Ugh it’s EVERYTHING. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Like…this was so hard and I was going through your fic list and every single one I was like “I LOVE IT” and I could have written lines about every single one. But I think you’d have killed me. But, y’know, duty. Love you, and I can’t wait for the next hundred thousand published words. Folks, you have no idea what Ree’s gonna hit us with.

Not me SOBBING MY HEART OUT AT THIS AGAIN 😭😭😭 I'm questioning if I'll be able to answer this, with how much it reduces me to (happy, ofc) tears each and every time I read over it.

Your pride in me over hitting 100k posted means so so much to me. You're literally my number one cheerleader and as I've said to you so many times, I never would've even gotten close to this amount if it wasn't for you!!! I love you so much and thank you for supporting and encouraging all my most ridiculous ideas.

Now for y'all-- I could've guessed what Cíara's top three of my fics are bc they never hesitate to rave about them and just...so many days they'll be like "oh I reread [this] again and I love it" and I'll cry bc that's the best thing you can tell me.

To respond to your lovely, lovely words now: Cíara, I will be forever overjoyed and amazed how much you love contentedness. You know how I feel about it, that there's that disconnect to it, even though it has some of my favourite lines in it. And my fics are my children, and I feel bad that I can't love that fic as much as I'd like, but I don't feel as bad knowing it gets so much love from you.

And yes!!!! That is the first appearance of Ally!! And I'm going to take this time to express just how much I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE ALLY!! Like the fact that she's your favourite oc and the fact that you've literally stolen her so many times,,,,, it makes me so happy. Like so overwhelmingly happy bc I love her and ugh. Just-- all the feels. Thank you for loving what my brain comes up with and making me not feel so weird for making who Burzek's baby would be.

And I just love love love that you love Kim remembering telling Voight and all that awkwardness. It's one of my first and favourite thoughts I ever made for Burzek and I can't wait until I finally write the scene, not only because that'll mean I'm writing my s7 fix it but so you can have another scene of that to love like you love that line.

I love honorary grandmother!Trudy (or, how she says it in second chances, just grandmother Trudy, their her grandkids blood or not) and I'm so happy you do too.

Family we chose is, I think, one of my favourite fics I've ever wrote. I love all my fics but this one... I love it so much. It was born out of just one (1) photo of Paddy with painted nails and us two screaming about it together and I just... I love it. And I love LOVE that you do too, and all the moments you love about it-- like the badge scene. It's just,,,, it's overwhelming to think about how much I love this fic and that you love it just as much bc that's just incredible and I never thought anyone could love my writing as much as you do.

HOW IS SOMETHING'S GONE TERRIBLY WRONG ALREADY TWO MONTHS OLD????? It feels like only like,,, two weeks ago I was writing it. It never fails to make me laugh and be so in awe that this came out of me being tipsy and then telling you my stupid tipsy ideas. It is my longest, most cohesive fic with some of my all-time favourite scenes and it was made just because I drunkenly laughed at the thought of Kim having to tell Al that she was dating Adam-- and, ofc, the sex moment.

And all the scenes you mentioned... I love it so much and I'm so happy and will never stop being so happy that you love it too. And I'll forever associate it with the moment that we got confirmation, beyond reasonable doubt, that we share a Braincell. The way you just guessed the Bob bits... It's so incredible and I'm so happy we share a braincell.

This ask made me so emotional and teary and I just-- I love you so so much. You are such an incredible person and I'm so happy that I know you. And look-- you made me talk about loving my writing, you made me celebrate!!!! I love that you always, so fiercely and caringly, encourage me to love what I've created, to never be ashamed and put down the ridiculous ideas I come up with, that you tell me that my ideas are self indulgent but that's exactly why I should write them.

And finally, I love how excited you are for all the ideas to come. FILB and FSK and undercover Adam and the Angst monster fic, and Sean Roman is abusive, and Bloodtypes and skater!au and after highschool!au and my many WS!As and all the others that doesn't yet have names.

I love how I come to you with silly ideas, sometimes just so vague-- like with co parents Burzek-- and you just help me grow and nurture them. Without judgement, and with such enthusiasm, even when it comes from my ridiculous tipsy mind.

I never could've gotten here without you, and I won't get to 200k without you, and I'm so happy that you're cheerleading me and just being my friend. I love you so, so much and thank you so much for this and being in my corner, for being the other half of my brain, my writing buddy.

[lizacstuff]

I agree with what you said to that anon about appreciating what we have while we have it. Eda and Serkan are so epic and I like all their moments. I would enjoy reading your thoughts on the episode as a whole.

Sorry I’m just getting to this today, busy week!

I loved episode 19! A random hodgepodge of thoughts:

Serkan just... handling Efe. I love that our king eventually, always wins. I mean this story isn’t over, but in ep 19 Serkan showed who’s the boss. From telling Efe straight out that he needed to apologize to the staff to engineering his continent-wide confession, Serkan was in control. 

Speaking of Efe, I love that Eda didn’t sugarcoat anything with him. She made it clear she was disappointed in him and gave him honest advice about how to continue. Efe was a bit delusional thinking that Eda deescalating the situation the night before, meant she was on his side. DUDE, you lied and even though you haven’t admitted that it was more than a mistake, SHE KNOWS you did something underhanded. It gave me a weird warm fuzzy the way Eda told Efe that she knows what Serkan is capable of doing and what he would do next. She knows him. 

(More under the cut:)

Also love that Engin was so angry and ready to throw down. Apparently, sabotage is what it takes to get the giant teddy bear angry, good to know. I love that Engin is such a good friend and business partner to Serkan. He’s exactly the energy Serkan needs around him. I have no idea why Engin can give Serkan exactly the right advice about Eda all the time, but can’t navigate his own love life at all, but I’m glad he’s been a great wingman to Serkan. 

I’m also glad Ayfer has something else to think about other than worrying about Eda going back to Serkan. She gets a little obsessed in that vein, so I’m all for her starting a new catering business. Don’t know what to say about Erdeem and Leyla’s fake engagement, I guess I’m on board if it brings some comic relief, but I still don’t see what Fifi would ever see in him.

Ceren and Ferit were interesting, no? Ceren can’t say she wasn’t warned about Ferit, both Ayfer and Eda tried. However, I have to give him some props for admitting where he was mentally before things went too far. I think that’s a sign that he does really like her, knows he’s not ready for it and doesn’t want to start something that is doomed to fail. Selin really did a number on him and it certainly shouldn’t be Ceren’s mess to clean up. 

About Selin, I’ve already talked way too much about her in this post from earlier in the week, but there’s one thing I didn’t touch on that I’m curious about.  When Celin is told to take a hike with the chauffeur, she leaves the loft, pauses while all teary eyed and brings up her phone like she’s going to call someone before deciding not to make the call. Who? Who was she thinking of calling? Clearly not Serkan or Eda. Ferit? Was that jackass really going to call Ferit to make her feel better? Or was she going to call her reporter friend? Aydan? Efe? Piril? Enquiring minds want to know. It seems like more than a throwaway moment. Why put it in if it wasn’t foreshadowing something. Or was it just to show she had run through all her friends and realized not one would be sympathetic or approve of what she had done, so she had no one to call when her schemes failed and it gave her a sad?

Aydan and Seyfi as matchmakers is everything I need to be happy. As long as they are on the side of Edser, then I say let them meddle! Also props to Aydan for burning Alptekin’s clothes. That dude needs a huge wakeup call, so any act that might get his attention and bring him to his senses is a-okay in my book. 

As for the meddling, that breakfast scene was so bittersweet. OMG. Serkan and the crusts. It was such a perfect detail to add. It showed that he not only knows her, but even subconsciously his default is to do things, big and small, that make her happy. No wonder the sweetness of it all but broke her. With that they ratcheted up the pining/longing/angst to atomic level.  

That whole day was fraught for both of them and the audience. Serkan realizing he had to tell her at the same moment that Eda decided she wasn’t going to play his hot and cold game anymore was both entertaining and frustrating. I think Serkan let her get away a few times, because he was putting off the inevitable, but by the end it was like, EDA, JUST SIT DOWN AND GIVE HIM A MINUTE TO PULL HIMSELF TOGETHER AND TELL YOU WHAT HE NEEDS TO TELL YOU. Not that I blame her for her cynicism, he earned that over the last few weeks. I did very much enjoy the merry chase she led him on, the fact that he’s even willing to walk in on that charity dinner meeting is a testament to how much he wanted to find her. You can’t convince me he would ever walk into that nest of vipers without a very strong motivation. 

I honestly can’t believe we got them sharing a chair in front of all those ladies. This show! It gives and it gives and it gives. There’s always something sweet or silly or romantic right around the corner. Rarely does it miss an opportunity. As for Serkan attempt at the dinner, he would have had better luck talking to her if he hadn’t gotten hung up on asking her if she still loved him. Duuuuude. You broke up with her and now want to back her into a corner where she would need to be vulnerable with you while you’re trying to get her to listen to you. Tactical error. But I get why he was distracted by that. 

Thankfully, it lead to the most romantic phone conversation that was never heard. But I love that even though she couldn’t hear what he said, she sensed it. She somehow knew he might have said he missed her. I also love the way that Serkan was playing along with her about the party. He knew she had been put through the emotional wringer over the last couple of weeks and was trying to make him jealous and he gave her the gift of succeeding. They are so much more compatible that they think sometimes. 

As much as they tend to miscommunicate in important moments when emotions are running high and clouding the issue, when they aren’t they seem to fundamentally understand one another. 

Which takes us to the biggest misunderstanding of the episode. The morning after. Serkan woke up embarrassed. Not really because he’d been drunk, but because he’d called Eda and she’d come over and taken care of him when he had no right to ask that of her while she’s still in the dark about what separates them. That’s why practically the first words out of him mouth the next morning are that he shouldn’t have called her while drunk. I understand why he felt that way, its all about him not deserving her kindness, especially not until she knows, but I can also see why that would hit Eda wrong. She immediately takes it that he’s sorry she came, that he wishes she wasn’t there. Which is, of course, not remotely the case, but they just talk past each other and her hurt feelings cause things to escalate uncontrollably. 

I really wanted to yell at Serkan to just rip off the bandaid and tell her. I did enjoy that Eda’s wound-up emotional state was the thing that pushed him to matter-of-factly yell out how in love with her he is and how in love with her he will always be, thank you show. We needed that. And so did Eda. They’re the words she’s ached to hear since the first moment she realized there was something more to the breakup. 

Thank goodness this damn secret will all be over within the first few minutes of the next episode. They, and we, deserve to move on to a world where Eda knows a) why Serkan broke up with her b) that he’s still, and always, madly in love with her. 

All in all a very good episode that moved things forward. 

[undergroundkid]

9. Keep provoking my curosity

The new guest tore his gaze away from the phone to meet yours, acknowledging you with a simple nod. The lack of words was a little surprising, but he didn’t seem to hold grudges against you like some of the previous quiet guests from the last floor. Still thinking about how you’re better than everyone here? With a bitter swallow, you reached for his bag. - I will take your luggage – you took it with a huff, shocked about its weight:- Please follow me, Mister. He did so, tapping slowly on the screen of his phone. You weren’t quite sure if his silence was a pleasant turnaround or disturbing occurrence. Between rare small talks and not so infrequently quarrels, ignorance suited most of your guests. Chae’s reservations never played by these rules, though – wild cards, all of them.

The man beside you hide his phone but didn’t utter a word. You rode in the company of the elevator hum, signaling the 4th floor with a soft ding. You walked towards his door, the beginning of standard formula at the tip of your tongue: here’s your keycard, the restaurant is open… A loud groan stopped you in your tracks. You turned around with startle, only to be met with the surprised face of until now silent guest. He took off his facemask, showing off light, perfect skin. He giggled then, a warm, almost adorable sound, so dissonant with the rest of his visuals. - Oh, I am sorry Miss – he apologized with a small bow:- I’m just terribly tired and yawned before I could stop myself. You laughed along with him. - It’s alright, let’s make it quick so you can rest properly – you suggested, opening his apartment. Once inside, you dropped luggage and gave him short instructions about hotel regulations. Taking note of his earlier behavior, you drew the curtains and dimmed the lights to let his eyesight relax already. - If you need any help, don’t hesitate to call reception. - Everything seems perfect to me, thank you – he took his bag without any effort and laid it on the bed, which made you think why the heck he couldn’t do it earlier and left it to you to drag it all the way here. Why did people love to make your life harder? You should’ve call Yoonho to do this, it’s his job.. You’re exactly like your guests. Uneasy feeling sat in the pit of your stomach again. - Not sure about my coach though, he may nag you about anything really – the man laughed in a low voice. You glanced at his baggy tracksuit, awfully white sneakers, big, heavy bag – in addition, you caught a peek of a sport t-shirt inside with bright caption TEAM WONHO. He must be some kind of athlete, then. - Always glad to be of service – you decided to stay polite. - Ahaha, please, don’t encourage him – he snorted, sitting on the bed. In poor lighting, bags under his eyes weren’t so prominent as before, but his face hid some uneasiness. You weren’t sure if it was fatigue, though. Better to be cautious. He was one of Chae’s friends, after all, he could snap at you anytime. Or do something else; your tattooed wrist burned with a reminder one more time. - Hope you enjoy your stay, sir. - I hope so, too.. trainings are insane lately – with a sigh, he leaned his elbows on knees, slouching:- What's the point in trying anymore? All I do is mess things up anyway.. Unconsciously your feet already pointed towards the door; it wasn’t a conversation you should or even want to have with a man you didn’t know the name of. Damn, what were you supposed to say? You’re not a psychologist. How to act tactfully here? The question was if you really wanted to be tactful; or if you just wanted to leave. Your personal life was a solid confusion enough lately. Sir, please let me just do my job.. - I think you just need a proper rest – you spoke calmly, trying to induce such an effect on him. Luckily, he nodded in agreement. - Yeah, that sounds wonderful.. You bowed and left the apartment, closing the doors gently. Letting out a deep breath of relief, you wondered why your work is getting harder like this. Tourism was always full of surprises, as many of people-related businesses. But roller coaster like this was new; one day you are getting psychotherapy with a tattoo artist, another one you are deeply insulted, sometimes you briefly met someone decent and then you are getting tricked by tarot reader and.. well. Today you were met with a depressed sportsman. The small voice in your head recommended extra blankets and nice champagne to add in hotel system info about this room, but mostly you just wanted to get back to the backroom in reception. You didn’t want to bother about another messed up client. Sitting alone, pretending to work but being able to dwell in your own thoughts.. just being ignorant and properly don’t care.. just like your typical guests. You’re exactly like your guests. - Giving a poor hotel guide again? More than a reminder of harsh words, you were startled by the same voice behind you. Turning around, you were met with the main cause of your distress lately, your own nemesis, however dramatical it sounded. - Mr. Chae – you responded tightly. He looked a bit different; his hair a little washed out, not so outstandingly bleached anymore. He wore all black again, his blazer slightly damp from the weather outside. As much as it was normal, it was weird to see since you remember how unaffected he was by the snowstorm when you saw him for the first time. When he was a gentleman making odd reservations. - Not much changed, I see. But you did, sadly. The blonde slid keycard beside the knob to his door, not facing you, which didn’t stop him from talking: - I wonder when you will understand how short-sighted you are. What needs to happen for you to realize? Hearing harsh words from this man wasn’t new. Somehow expecting it, your feelings weren’t as hurt as before. Anxious, yes, but not stunned. Chae stepped into the room, finally looking at you with clear incomprehension. - You got help all this help from Changkyun only to be swept into your ignorance once again. A pity, really. Your breath hitched. - A help? – you whispered with the strained voice once again; stunned by Chae’s word, once again. - He’s a gifted reader – the man shrugged and added with a little, mocking smile:- And passionate lover, I suppose. You watched with horror as he started to close to the door; holy shit, your heartbeat loud in your ears, he knows, everybody knows, does everybody in this hotel know- - How did you know? Your heels stopped his door from closing; your instantaneous act making him raise his eyebrows. - So now we’re talking, I see ..? You weren’t so talkative- - How did you know?!  - you almost hissed at him, all work etiquette thrown out of the window. You could already feel sweat forming at your temples, the effect of the mixed shame and anger. I am talking before thinking once more, you thought, but the rush of emotions muted any rational thoughts. All your fears building through the whole day came alive sooner than you expected. Hyungwon clicked his tongue. - You are missing the point, why am I not surprised? – he flicked lights on and stepped inside, taking off his blazer and simply ignoring you. You followed him inside, determined to find some closure on your constant distress. - You’re the one who’s not listening! I asked you how did you know! - Know what? How you were offered all the answers and still didn’t bother to act? - No, I mean me and Mr. Changkyun! - Seriously, I am saying the words and you stubbornly.. –  his gaze fell upon your angered posture, clenched fists, and finally, teary eyes. He immediately softened:- Oh. You think I am judging you, do you? - What? – you tried to blink away the blurriness:- No, I want to know how do you know.. did you two speak? Does everybody know? He shook his head, stepping closer. You were babbling your nerves way. - Did you speak with anyone else? D-did you speak with my manager? I really don’t want to lose this job.. - Hush with his nonsense – he said, sweeping your tears away with his cold hand:- Why are you like this? Why are you afraid? - What.. what everybody will think when they will know? - Who is ‘everybody’? Your clients? Boss? – he took your right hand in his, thumb drawing circles in your uniform’s cuff. Your tattoo burned under the material:- Or is it you? Are you afraid to admit to yourself that you enjoyed this? You silently dropped your head. I am only a stupid doe. - You silly thing – he chuckled:- Did you want it? Not brave enough, you just nodded. - You wanted it, so you got it – his fingers under your chin made you look up. His face wasn’t as malicious as always:- Like a strong and independent woman do. You tried to turn away after his absurd words, but he stopped you. Chae’s eyes were nothing but sincere and a little bit playful as if the situation amused him. The small hint of a smile danced on his lush lips. - You conquered a fine man – he clicked his tongue, sound like before, but with faked shock:- Feisty huntress, someone would say. You couldn’t help but laugh. - I am nothing but hunted doe. - Tsk, tsk – he took both of your hands:- Only the dancers will know who leads the dance. Not sure how it worked, but you were able to let your worries go away – at least, for this moment. Saying your concerns out loud helped to realize how feeble they were actually. Unnecessary paranoia almost killed possible good experience; you should accept how free you felt then, after all. Freedom and being desired could build your self-esteem that your ex-boyfriend and the exhausting job definitely destroyed. Finally filled with comfort by the last person you would suspect, all your tense muscles could relax. This gave you a chance to inspect the man before you closely; marvelous as you remembered him. Long face, big, mischievous eyes. Your own followed the shape of his mouth; his tongue licked his lips. - Looks like I’m the prey– he murmured:- Where did little doe go? You gave him a small, mysterious smile, inching towards his face. - Oh I see.. – his breath mingled with yours:- Let’s the hunt begin, then?

thank you for reading

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[queenof-literature]

A Sick Wild Child - Chapter 4

Warning: Vomiting and Panic Attack

Wild belonged with nature, it was in his name. He loved the rustling of the leaves, the singing of the grass, the - oh, someone was calling his name.

“Wild! How many times do I need to call your damn name?” Time snapped, and Wild realized he was only inches away from his face. He took a tiny step back in fear and confusion. Time almost never cussed...

“Wild get your head out of your ass and pay attention!” Wild looked back up to see Twilight beside Time, glaring at him.

“U-um I’m s-s-sorry.” Wild stuttered out, hand twitching to lift his hood over his head and shrink within it.

“O-oh? Y-y-you’re s-s-s-sorry?” Legend mocked in a high pitched voice. The rest of the group chuckled while Wild flushed and finally pulled his hood up. They knew he didn’t like it when he stuttered out words. The scars on his neck made it hard to talk sometimes, especially when he was nervous, they knew this. They had never made fun of him like this. Why the sudden change of pace? And whose Hyrule were they in? Wild thought they were in his but he recognized nothing.

“Hylia you’re such a fucking coward Wild.” Warriors scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You can’t even handle a little teasing.” Now that one stung. Wild looked up to Warriors in many ways. They were both trained knights, and Warriors became a captain at such a young age. He had conquered armies, learned from his mistakes and moved on, and had saved his friends...

“Hello? Wild? What the hell is wrong with you today?” Wind snapped up at him. That was certainly odd, Wind was very expressive, but it took a lot to get him to show his anger. Oh, Hylia, what had Wild done to piss off even Wind of all people? Why did he always have to mess everything up?

Wild felt his throat close up, and raised shaky hands to try to apologize once more. But the rest of the group only seemed to laugh and continue mocking him relentlessly for not even talking anymore. He couldn’t breathe. His vision was blurring and the trees were spinning around him. Distantly he could recognize that this was a panic attack, but all he felt now were the glares and mocking calls of the group around them.

A hand poked Wild’s shoulder and he lashed out without even thinking, wildly shoving away what his muddled brain could barely recognize as Hyrule, who stumbled and landed on his back with a look of surprise that quickly turned to anger. Oh no.

“What the fuck, Wild?” Hyrule yelled in outrage, as Four helped him up, also glaring at the scarred teen. Hands grabbed his arms and Wild fought against them, kicking and bucking away from them. A sharp jab to his stomach had him lose all the breath in his body and collapse to the ground. He saw the strong build of Twilight through blurry eyes filled with tears.

“The fuck did you do that for you little freak?” Twilight was a lot bigger than Wild, and it was situations like this that reminded him of how intimidating he could be. “You do that shit to Hyrule after we let you travel with us? A mission from Hylia or not we should have left your broken body in your ruined Hyrule where it belongs. On second thought, your Zelda doesn’t deserve to put up with your fractured pieces. How about you just stay in this Hyrule and die? It’s what you deserve.”

“Twilight is right.” Sky stated, normally gentle voice stiff and emotionless, “I forged the Master Sword only for you to come by and disgrace its legacy.” Sky began to walk away, along with some others in the group.

Panic filled Wild. They couldn’t leave him. He could do better! He would never talk again if that’s what they wanted. He didn’t want to be stuck in an unfamiliar Hyrule forever. Not again. He couldn't get left behind again. No matter how selfish it was, Wild wanted to stay with them. Wild needed to stay with them. He thrashed to get out of the hold he was in. He thought they were his family. Was a family supposed to treat you like this? Is this tough love? Wild didn’t know but he wanted to. He wanted to keep traveling with them. He thought he could hear voices calling his name, but Wild couldn’t breathe. Soon it all faded to black.      

~

The morning passed with smaller amounts of chatting than usual. Four was making simple omelets for the group and seemed to be arguing with himself in a quiet murmur over how long to cook the eggs for. Sky and Warriors were playing cards with Wind, who was definitely cheating in some way or another. Legend and Hyrule were content with just watching and seeing how long it took for him to get caught. And Twilight and Time were whispering and glancing at Wild, who had his head cradled in Twilight’s lap.

Wild seemed to be twitching and murmuring in his sleep. His face looked troubled, fingers clenching and unclenching at Twilight’s pelt, breaths coming at an uneven pace.

“Is he having trouble breathing again?” Legend called out from the tree he was leaning against. “Yes, but we don’t think it’s the sickness.” Time called back. He sounded gruff, but the rest of the group could hear concern lacing his voice. The group put away their cards and crowded around the three as close as they could without scaring Wild if he woke up.

“‘M sr’y.” Wild let out in a pitiful moan.

“Sorry for what cub?” Twilight leaned down and brushed Wild’s hair out of his face. But it only continued like that.

“‘M sr’y.”

“Don’ leav’.”

“I kno’ ‘m broken.”

“I’ll do better.”

“Promise.”

“‘M sr’y.”

“‘M sr’y.”

“‘M sr’y.”

The entire group could only feel the grip of horror wash in as they heard their little wild child begging not to be left behind. Wild has always had abandonment issues he tried to hide, though it was obvious to those who knew him. Nervous eyes always darted around camp whenever he went to sleep, worrying that when he woke up they would all be gone. It broke all of their hearts, and they all tried to help their own ways.

Time by being a solid rock of advice and encouragement.

Twilight by giving him warm hugs when he could handle it.

Warriors by telling him stories, either of his epic tales or silly exploits in the taverns.

Legend by teaching him of his many items (And letting him use them when no one else watching).

Hyrule by taking them exploring with no map.

Wind by teaching him sea shanties.

Sky by letting him sit near his napping place and simply exist in comfortable silence.

Four by telling him jokes in the back of the group some days, which ranged from lighthearted and goofy to teasing and full of fire.

All of them tried to show Wild that they were there and never leaving and giving him pieces of themselves for him to keep close. To hear him talk the way he was, broke every single one of them.

“Shh Cub it’s okay, you're okay, you’re safe. I’m right here.” Twilight lifted up Wild and cradled him to his chest. Wild started to struggle, hands lifting to clutch and scratch the scars on his neck and face, the way he did when he was having a panic attack. Out of pure experience, Four grabbed Wild’s hands as gently as he could and held them to his chest, exaggerating his breathing while hoping Wild would subconsciously follow it. Wild didn’t like to be restrained, but if they let him he would keep scratching until he bled. They sadly had a lot of individual experience with Wild's attacks. He would apologize and go silent every time, feeling like a burden, but that was getting slightly better as time went on.  

“Wild, wake up Cub it’s just a dream. Wild, c’mon buddy.” Time spoke as he rested his hand against Wild’s forehead to give him something else to anchor him. Wild was completely sobbing and delusional at this point. Repeating the phrases under his breath and struggling and thrashing out of their hold. He was apologizing to every single one of them by name in a slurred voice.

“Wind get me a cloth soaked in cold water please.” Hyrule spoke, not taking his eyes off of Wild. Wind, although obviously hesitant to leave his friend’s side, dashed off without complaint. Meanwhile Twilight was still talking into Wild’s ear, desperately hoping that he could hear it through his nightmare.

When Wind came back with the cloth, Hyrule began to wash Wild’s face without wringing it out. They needed to shock Wild awake, but Hyrule didn’t want to be as harsh as a slap or a bucket of water when they had other options on hand. Wild gasped and jolted awake, teary eyes looking all over the group, then back up to meet Twilight’s.

“Hey, buddy.” Twilight said softly. And with that, Wild once again started sobbing, still slightly delirious from his infection.

“Don’t leave Twi. I know I’m broken but I’ll do better. I promise!” Wild dug deeper into Twilight’s chest as he began repeating the same things he had in his sleep.

“You are not broken.” Time said sternly. “Nothing about you or your adventure makes you broken.”

“Wild you’re one of the bravest people I know.” Wind stated quietly. Wind loved the older boy and their adventures together, he hated to see him suffering like this. He had suffered so much and Wind just wanted him to be happy.

Wild continued to sob into Twilight’s chest, which was obviously only agitating his bruises and illness. Twilight continued shushing him and rubbing soothing circles into his back, but the sobs wouldn’t die down. Unfortunately, Twilight could tell where this was going.

“Warriors! Bucket!” Twilight commanded. Warriors darted off to get the bucket Legend had brought out for Wild just in case extreme nausea came with his infection. Just in time, Warriors got the bucket under Wild’s chin.

Wild began heaving and hacking all of the contents of his stomach into the bucket, which wasn’t much after not eating breakfast. Even after all of his dinner from last night had come up, his body continued spasming as Wild dry heaved.

Warriors winced, he knew how painful throwing up was, especially after there was nothing left. Warriors grabbed Wild’s hair, much of it out of his ponytail at this point, and held it away from his face as Twilight whispered calming words into Wild’s ear.

Eventually, Wild’s body finally stopped, his dry heaving turning into small spasms and his sobs turning into hiccups. He kept apologizing under his breath for unknown reasons, though Time figured now it was for throwing up.

Legend took the washcloth from Hyrule, who didn’t like being anywhere near throw up, and gently cleaned Wild’s face. Twilight went to lay Wild back down on his bedroll, but the teen whined and burrowed into Twilight’s chest once more, still wrapped in Twilight’s fur pelt. Time chuckled and discreetly gave Wind a look to take a pictograph.

“We’ll have to talk to him about his dream when he’s more awake.” Sky stated sadly. The rest of the group didn’t want to mention how horrifying that had been for them, let alone how horrifying it must have been for Wild.

“Yeah, I know.” Twilight looked down at his cub’s flushed face with tear tracks staining his cheeks. This was going to be a long day.