diurnalistic-deities

[diurnalistic-deities]

I lie awake thinking

My body relaxed but my mind more screaming

Of choices in life and those presented

Time dedicated takes me further than time lamented

I'd rather however take an option

Down the path of wants without dreaming

Than of wealth and location linking

And go away from here

It feels like it's only relaxed

That my body allows me to mentally draw

Through the cards and shuffle over and over

For a better hand

If only I had learned to stack the deck

My best draw is to stay for five

A straight line to match expectations

My wanted pick is of course the flush

But I fear the matching suit that awaits me

The hand I'm dealt is to take the pair

Of faces that I know

And hope they're high enough

It's only in bed

When I haven't prepared to let myself sleep

That my mind runs and I keep myself lax

I think if I let myself start tensing that I'd never untense again

[diurnalistic-deities]

There once was a bat with soul,

Who thought traveling a lofty goal,

Went on by car and by flight,

And with much delight,

Made friends with an Alaskan vole.

[diurnalistic-deities]

drawn from this post

[diurnalistic-deities]

You know, it’s rare for me to really feel this way.

I don’t like feeling upset at all.

It feels like a wall; I feel like writing and stringing out my feelings, but I just falter.

And I hate walls.

I hate feeling incapable and I definitely hate realizing my own culpability, it feels like something I should have learned from in the past.

It feels like I prevent myself.

[diurnalistic-deities]

I guess I'm going to bed instead.

I tried to go ahead and draw.

Get past this. Look ahead of it.

Now there's a lack of technical skill that's only added to my frustration.

I just can't do it.

I'm sleeping.

Maybe I'll be better when I wake up.

[diurnalistic-deities]

You ever have it where you finally get the motivation to draw something that you’ve had the urge to do for weeks and you’re in the mood!

You’ve got this!

But then you go to look up references and stumble across things that just.

kill the mood.

Like, the urge is still there, but the emotional willingness is gone.

And your heart has just dropped.

[diurnalistic-deities]

05-April-2018

Hey everybody, I’m back to this just in time for my birthday! I’ll be twenty-three in two days on the seventh!

Woo!

I also did my taxes~

Yay~

Still on time, right?

Work is stressin’ me out.

Makes me not want to do anything, but I persevere, right?

Woo!

Hmm.

I guess that’s it. I was more motivated but this actually took three hours because I played games and did Russian.

And listened to music.

GO LISTEN TO THIS

https://lifeinboxes.bandcamp.com/album/life-in-boxes

THIS IS SETH< SIGNING OFF<

[diurnalistic-deities]

15-March-2018

Just got back from an hour and a half walk.

Very nice at two thirty to four am.

I saw a few sights, didn’t think much.

I just needed to walk.

I listened to some music.

I’ll post the mix at the end, per usual.

I got stopped by a cop, explained that I was just stressed and going for a walk.

He said alright, I showed him my I.D.; proved that I was twenty-two.

He advised that I stay careful and wear lighter colors next time to avoid being hit by any careless drivers.

I told him that I appreciated the advice and went my way.

Stopped at a store and bought a banana and some Gatorade (not that I like Gatorade).

Rested for a moment because of a cramp in my right foot, on the top then I started my return trip.

All was uneventful and calming.

I feel the same as I did before but at least now a little more centered.

I’m alright with that.

I’m just worried about my friends.

I have a few but I feel like they are the fair-weather variety.

Only three or four I feel are not.

One is busy and I wish I could spend more time with her but she has college and studies and is only available about once every few months.

One is a good friend. Honest and I work with him, we eat at IHOP at one am every week or so.

Two can be counted as one, they are free if I need them and willing to spend time, but work is always there.

And the last one is states away, we talk all the time. She is thoughtful and brave but distance is a factor.

These are my friends that stay year-round, I can always rely on them.

The rest, I feel are fair-weathered, either on emotional whimsy or strategic timing.

I guess another stress is myself.

I need to resurrect my schedule and work on my body, I thought I was doing well.

That’s because I excused doing one thing one night and another the next.

Skip Russian for exercise, skip exercise for journal and skip journal for sleep.

If I just dedicated myself to doing these things before bed and going to bed on time, I would already be so much further and feel so much better.

I need to shave regularly, it makes me feel better, I need more walks, they set a tone to my mind, I need some more motivation, that should be from within.

My exercise will condition me, my schedule will discipline me and my learning will better me.

I will do better.

Your friend Seth, signing off!

http://8tracks.com/mixes/4356562?s=w8

[diurnalistic-deities]

02-March-2018

Hey guys, how are y’all?

I’m just chilling and listening to stuff.

Maybe I’ll just post stuff tomorrow.

[diurnalistic-deities]

06-February-2018

I am finally getting back to writing this and I am alright.

Some work stuff came up but hopefully I get that resolved.

I have had fun cleaning and organizing and I CAN”T SEEM TO TYPE WITHOUT TYPOS!!

Y’all might not see them, that would be because I am fixing them as they happen.

I am good like that.

I have been listening to Nightcore stuff, very twenty-ten, right?

I am getting back into routine, it may be rough for a little while but I am smoothing it out.

Now, I do not plan on keeping this long.

I am tired and still.. tired.

Sigh.

But it is getting even better!

So don’t worry.

Welp, this is the end of today’s. Headache.

Your friend Seth, signing off!

[diurnalistic-deities]

02-February-2018

I have been busy with work and reorganizing all my stuff, by reorganizing I mean unpacking.

I’m setting up all the electronics and straightening out all the clothes and trying to make my bed.

It’s going pretty swell.

Yay.

I’m keeping this short so I can go to bed.

Your friend Seth, signing off.

P.S. Pony music is still good, haha.

[diurnalistic-deities]

Not today

[diurnalistic-deities]

31-January-2018

Hey people.

I will share a secret.

I really could fill out a thousand words of this, or more.

Every day.

But I don’t.

I could do it easily, but lose my standards.

If I talk about less-than-kosher subjects, then I could fill books.

Stuff like that, I can ramble about and confess about.

But I like to keep things clean here. I know some of you, I am friends with several of you, and let me tell you, I’d rather not intrude with such profane material.

If I wrote a book, it’d be under a pen name, haha.

A little sense of over-awareness.

I also don’t put such stuff out here for the challenge of just talking normally.

Well. By normally, I mean talking about stuff that I could anywhere, in front of anyone.

So I skip politics, mostly, and skip sexual stuff and skip other intrusive stuff, and I’m fine with all that.

My day was alright, I worked and fretted and stressed, which is normal, I like it.

I talked with friends and I cleaned up the old place a little, I need to do more on that, and I will.

That’s not hard, it will be done today.

It’s a day off before I work for another six in a row.

It’s fine, I get used to it.

Maybe I will eventually show y’all my new room. It’s still being unpacked.

I need to make a space to stretch and exercise and I need to re-do my schedule to meet the demands of this new household.

At least I’ve lessened the financial stress a little.

Just a little, and that’s fine, this move wasn’t really for finances, it was for family and stability.

I like bats still, and Russian, and arts and I wish to restart graffiti-ing and I still enjoy all the other things. I wonder if y’all would ever have questions or prompts for me. That’d be nice, it’d help with my stop-gap measure of rambling until I can’t. Also, it seems that I broke ten-thousand words with this journal thing.

That’s good, it’s not my goal, but it’s good. I will take it as a win.

Or at least a truce. Heh.

I need to stop adding weird laughs. It putting me off.

Maybe faces instead ^w^

Or bats /^._.^\

Either way, I like today’s journal, it felt good.

Your friend Seth, signing off.

[diurnalistic-deities]

30-January-2018

Well friends, here I am. I am at my grandmother’s and finally moved in.

Thus, switches to a new chapter in my life.

I will most likely go to college this year.

I will keep this short because, well, because it’s alright.

I just feel that way.

I just feel alright.

I am moved in and my room looks alright, I will experiment with it and switch stuff around.

Otherwise, work is alright. I will get back to these little journals. I just had no time and no internet which made for a sleepy Seth.

I have internet now.

Your friend Seth, signing off.

[diurnalistic-deities]

Sorry guys, still moving and working. I will resume before February. (Even though I do this more for me, hahahaha…. sigh)

I must conserve data until then, thank you for your patience.

[diurnalistic-deities]

23-January-2018

Well, this one might be late, I do not have internet until I move and my mobile internet is at its limit. On the bright side I caught up on some Batman stuff. Carrie Kelley is my favorite Robin for many reasons. Over the last few days I have met up with my friend and been talking to her about how her move and situation is going, I am helping with that. The move for is going better, I have been packing all my stuff pretty consistently. I am about half to two-thirds done. Unfortunately I work for the next six days straight so most of the move will be done in the mornings and at late night. That’s alright, I will be fine.

I have been thinking the last few days about what I am doing with these goals and schedules and I have come to the conclusion that I need to rearrange what part of my day each of these happen in. I need to go to sleep earlier. Do Russian before bed, stretches and exercising in the morning and relaxing before work. I might also start taking breaks at work(I haven’t been, I skip them) so that I can listen to music and also study some Russian. I also might start drawing but I do not think I will draw ponies. I will start with human anatomy and work my way over to perspective and landscape. Only then will I do pony, by then though, pony might be gone.

I have taken to listening to radio. A local station that is also an NPR relay station broadcasts local bands after nineteen hundred. I would like to get back into my civilian band days. Maybe work on all that at the new place. Set up a nice transmitter, get my license for radio and maybe have a local/online radio station. I have many ambitions but I need a better drive to push me to them.

That will get better. I’ve been playing games recently and I let that distract me. I need to keep to times, I need to keep to schedules.

Schedules make me productive, whimsy does not.

What did they say made the difference between an amateur and a professional; an amateur goes on inspiration and whimsy while a professional goes on practice and discipline.

A professional can have inspiration but they don’t need it to function.

I need to get there. I also need to interact with more people and groups. They could help with these tasks. I need to network.

Oh hey, did I mention that I really like peanut butter and peanut butter stuff.

I actually make my waffles with peanut butter instead of butter.

Trust me, it’s really good.

I only have a few things left to tie up.

Maybe I should learn knots too! Hahaha, that’s on the backburner for sure.

Man, these local bands are good!

I’m feeling better. Maybe I’ll poem later.

Your friend Seth, signing off!

Check out 91.7 The Spy on KOSU, they have a website and an iHeartRadio station.

[diurnalistic-deities]

22-January-2018

I am tired, I am packing, God help me.

I haven’t hit goal in a few days.

I will soon.

Aaaaaaargh.