#its so hard for a girly out here
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I'm out to a coworker hii
#shes the sweetest ever#it feels so strange to say it to someone aaaaaa#even tho she asked like 'are you straight lesbian bi'#n im still lowkey scared im just like#'i dont like men' 🧍♂️#shfjsjd#she rlly said 'makes sense' 💀#but she didnt guess i was anything other than straight so idk#its so hard for a girly out here#she gets that tho we were like. its hard to tell w feminine girls 😭#anyway shes being so precious abt a crush she has on a guy here girl i am ROOTING FOR UU 😭🩷✨️
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I'm not sure if this is precisely in line with the prompt, but Smosh Girlies Week was a lovely reason for me to follow up on this post and actually make this so. uh. enjoy?
Smosh Girlies Week Day 1: Cast And Crew
#smosh girlies week#amanda lehan canto#smosh#everyone is making beautiful edits and gifs i and i. well. i found out how to stick clips together. so. yknow.#its hard because i angela brought me into here and i really love her but i. i know where my brain is stuck rn. can i cheat and make two :<#(in the world where i have time....)#video#thank u baflegacy for putting this together! idk if ill have time to do it this whole week but ill try day by day
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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Wait omg..... Jessica Cruz probably did rifle... my specialized sports knowledge coming in CLUTCH
Okay so I barely practiced and made it to regionals like once so im NOT the expert here but uh headcanoning that Jess did air rifle when she was a teen. Like idk if it would be as part of a team like with a high school (what I'm familiar with) vs like an individual thing vs like a travel/competitive team (it depends on the sitch in her area growing up) but she definitely went to some national matches (probably including JOs/JO quals like i think she was GOOD). I think she probably would have quit competitively following a bad shot at nationals (relatable) along with anxiety about competition (ALSO relatable) but still kept up with shooting casually for fun and relaxation and to hang out with friends etc.
She definitely would have shot smallbore competitively too but I never did that bc I was lazy so idk to much abt it competitively
#and by bad shot i mean a 0#it hurts me to even think abt doing that during a match actually esp at fucking JOs#a girl on my team did that and im sure it was devastating (we never let her live it down after too) but like dang. i feel that pain#im just saying she would vibe sooooooo hard with rifle. like canonically they just said she did it but im talking air in particular#also in the panel they said six which first off. humphries bro thats TOO young ik youre trying to be impressive but youre talking abt rifle#here. if someones let their kid have a gun at 6 theres actually smth wrong with them. and not even a bb or smth wtf#ANYWAYS you guys haveeeee to understand this. jess would go so hard for rifle she would fit right in w every competitive shooter ive ever#met istg-#she would be out there on the porch 35° weather in full gear mid match crying w the rest of us it would be great#wait wait shoutout to the time i had to get smth from my car and there were like 4 ppl out there crying during the middle of standing#like i literally FEEL THAT SO HARD (weve all been there) but also like... awkwarddddddd#4 is an unusually large amount though. normally its like 2 ppl at a time first relay. with more 1st relay ppl crying after than during#gosh rifle omg this is making me miss it#<<<<freshman/sophomore me would kill me for saying this btw. i HATED practicing so bad then omg#OH and Jess would be a kneeling girlie. fave position. why ? bc i said so shut up#no but bc its my favorite position (yes i know its the worst okay. im aware of all the reasons kneelings sucks and why everyone hates it.#but you know what? kneeling hates everyone equally and i respect that) no but uh yeah ✌️✌️✌️✌️#top 10 posts that are 80% jargon and only i care about 😘#anyways this is canon to me now actually#like idc what you say she was down in the trenches (the range) w the rest of us#also ik she almost certainly would have shot paper but in my mind she practices mainly w electronic bc thats what i used (even if its super#uncommon and is only used at the nice ranges) if she was super competitive she would probably have driven to shoot electronic. lets just say#there was a paper nearby and an electronic scoring range a bit farther or smth#anyways yeah#WAIT OMG SHE DEFINITELY MET HER FRIENDS FROM HER BACKSTORY THROUGH RIFLE#and the dating drama too omg rifle drama was INSANE. like i was almost always out of the loop bc i never practiced and didnt have snapchat#but like the drama was INSANE. fucking wild. at least to my nerdy ass self. so her relationship drama makes total sense now okay babe fr#jessica cruz#blah
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keep talking zin we might be able to get me stuck on kugutsu ashura again i already have a headache what better time to get into the wall of text that song is
#kugutsu ashura admittedly give me less of a headache than shoushitsu & kannagi but its still awful#ive been told directly by native speakers writing like that is just hard to understand in general#we werent talking about ashura directly but it definitely applies#fun fact! im insane about every single aru sekai series song. flat out.#if u bring up a specific song or i see u talking about one i will absolutely get into it#however if left to my own devices i always end up back at the girlies bc their sides of the story compel me#i have my nails digging into the cracks here trying to get all their details out#& i get like that for any series song but sometimes it takes a bit of. whats the word#i have a headache i know for certain edging is NOT the word i want to use here#like. to be nudged or pushed slightly in a direction. not guided exactly but like. redirected maybe#i feel like i really only get into the girlies or maximizer anymore this is so sad i need to pick a song & go wild
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I saw the most GORGEOUS girl today so probably gonna live off that high for the next week
#Shewassohotohmygodyoudontevenunderstand#i was trying so so hard not to stare at her when she walking by cause she was waitress at a mexican place while i waiting for my food so sh#was just trying to do her job and i didnt want her to notice and make her uncomfy#but omg it was so hard cause when she was in the room she was the only one in the room#she was so pretty and it just seemed so effortless#im genuinely so sad that i will never see her again i am not a eat in girly im a order in girly#so the fact that i was even in there today was a rare situation but i gotta find another reason to go there again cuz lord#and not to brag or anything buuuut i was there with my family and its not i was the one talking to them giving them the togo order#but she was one who brought our food out and she did hand the bags of food directly to me in the middle so im pretty sure she like me too s#or she was just handing it to the group and she wasnt really paying attention who she handed to cause she did turn her head when she did it#probably that one#oh and i fear i made waaaaayyy to much eye contact by pure accident i also accidently raised my chin at her#so she mightve picked up on my vibe but idk i want to say she was also making alot of eye contact with me but likely she was just bopping#around doing her job and just happened to catch my eyes a couple of times i mean it wasnt the biggest place but also not the smallest and#not busy at all so i can see why she would catch my eyes a couple times cuz i feel like if it was busy she wouldnt have time for her eyes t#wander you know#if you read all this i hate you this is my diary wtf are you doing here lol but can you tell im obsessed?#lgbtq#queer#birthday made tbh#Lgbtq+#gay#pride
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teenagers are always fun and wear fashionable clothes you guys just hate to see the younger generation having fun without you
#writing this to remind me to not hate younger people or younger generation#especially when i get older a few years from now#kinda an out of nowhere rant but i been seeing alots of street interview about fashion with teen or young adults#and it pissed me off so bad seeing all the adults and elder millenials in the comment saying that this generation got trashy taste#trashy taste stealing style from other decade and also they love to be so defensive when someone mentioned that they hate skinny jean#personally i hate skinny jean too as a plus size girlie so its so pleasing seeing many people nowadays kinda go against it now#god please forbid that shit#anyways back to the main thing im saying here is that#fashion is a circle it came back and forth for many years so i dont see any point in the discussion about “gen z fashion is unoriginal”#as in the 70s there was a medival dresses revival trend#and in the 80s mod and 50s house wives dresses made a comeback#fast forward into the early 2010s we saw the hippie style suddenly became fashionable again#(though it was far from the “original hippies” from the 60s)#and now in the 20s y2k became trendy#so i just see no point in being noisy about nowadays fashion being so random#at the end of the day what everyone should do is that we should let whatever people want to wear instead of pointlessly critisizing them#people have different taste in fashion its not so hard to learn abt that espesially for older figures#rant ended please dont read these they are kinda pointless and incoherent since i have been wanting to rant abt fashion for a while#anyways peace#rant
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society if i wasn’t obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship
#omg me when i vent in the tags hold on#discord oomfies : here we go again#IDKKKKKKK i’m on my period but something about being completely romantically invisible for my entire life is so. IT FEELS SO SHITTY#like i’ve never had a talkikg stage i’ve never been hit on nothing ever like that#like it is hard not to feel like a hideous beast i just don’t know what i’m doing wrong#I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG!!!!!!!!!#bc as pathetic as this sounds i really do spend like the majority of my day wondering what the hell is so unattractive about me#bc i put all this effort in to try and be as conventionally attractive as possible. am i saying its working? no! but it’s not as bad as it#could be#and i mask SO HARD trying to be nice and normal#AND IM JUST!!! INVISIBLE !!!!#romantically that is the christian girlies who follow me around wanting to be friends don’t count.#omfg i know i’m whinging so much i’m annoying mysekf but if i don’t get this out i’ll explode#just keeping waiting for SOMETHING to happen and watching it happen to everyone i grew up with except me#IT HURTS!!!!!!#ok . going to go . idk do something . listen to rautavaara maybe
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walking into work tomorrow for the staff training day after i got rejected for the job i was near guaranteed to get and didn’t find out the news from my boss who i was with the whole morning in TUTOR PLANNING DAY FOR NEXT YR FOR TUTORIALS THAT TUTORS WOULD BE DOING THAT I WAS BOOKED INTO WITH THE TUTORS THE ROLE I APPLIED FOR AND HAD A VERY GOOD INTERVIEW FOR i found out from a noreply auto generated email from hr that was sent out as soon as i stepped out of the meeting room :) and then got invited back to the meeting for the rest of the day where my manager repeatedly talked about taking my good ideas from my interview and implementing them into tutorials next yr. after i got rejected via generated email. How we doing guys 😆
#p#me personally. and not just me literally everyone else coworkers students anyone but my manager apparently was in my favor#like advocated for me#i got insanely good feedback from everyone#like that job is. mine already. i’ve done that job and my job and i did that voluntarily#no hate to the other candidate lovely girlie she is but being told my interview was great#and my teaching task was great and she’s never seen HER OWN GROUP OF STUDENTS so engaged in a task before#and then being highly praised for my vision and ethic etc#and me knowing this shitass school and system inside out and still wanting to be here and being passionate abt what i do#and STILL i get turned down. thats personal i take it personally#but bcs i know this place i wouldn’t have been surprised if it was just that#its the cruelty of how they let me know#this entire day was like being spat in the face#like thanks for all your hard work! bye now! you won’t be here much longer but we’ll take all the good things you’ve come up with!#i’m so shocked#i had a go at my manager and APPARENTLY the email wasn’t supposed to go out ‘yet’ but its a very convenient coincidence that it did then#isnt it#i’ve never in my life felt so disrespected ngl#like i still didn’t get a proper conversation about it ???? literally only got good feedback and a quick apology???#how dare you and what did i do to you to deserve this like literally#my feelings are CRUSHED its essentially like getting laid off#cause i’m gonna leave soon anyway its like yeaaa we don’t want you actually#well then ! thanks for treating me like a valuable employee and person with feelings
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he was only nineteen???? he should've been at the clubbbb
#guess what musical ive been relistening to .#but the musical is very hard to get plot beats out of cuz theres so many story gaps between the songs. hence why im here#even though this is the book's wiki page. and im pretty sure the musical and the book differ a lot. but still.#brot posts#music#back in middle school when i was in my musical phase (phantom/monte cristo/jekyll and hyde/etc)#and also just old literature in general phase (divine comedy/paradise lost/etc)#i really wanted to try to read the source material#but like. i was in 7th grade. i had no fucking idea what the hell was going on#i tried so hard to read paradise lost LMAOOOOO#like girlie pops you are 11 you havent even read shakespeare in class yet#so after i gave up on paradise lost i gave up on reading everything else as well.#although i do think i tried to do phantom at one point in middle school but also barely got through it#and then i tried it again in high school and only barely got a little furhter#though the high school time was just cuz i didnt have the patience#so yknow sitting here its very easy to say i would love to read the count of monte cristo instead of listen to the musical#but will i actually read it? probably not#god looking at the wikisoruce for it. its long as fuckkkkkkk man im not reading this LOL#ive read jekyll and hyde but thats because it was pretty short so the patience aspect wasnt a problem#so j&h is the only musical-based-on-1800s-literature that ive actually read the source material for. <3
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Please Please Please
Pairing: Lando Norris x Reader
Warnings: None
Authors Note: this isn't what the poll was for dw lmao | also I've been caught out by lando once again 😭 he's just the best fit for this song
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yourusername
📍Buenos Aires, Argentina
liked by taylorswift landonorris and 2,349,022 others
yourusername Had a great time opening for #TSTheErasTour in Buenos Aires! Muchas gracias, Argentina! 🇦🇷
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user1 so so so pretty 😭
user2 I was there 🥰
user3 loml
user4 I LOVE HER SO MUCH
user5 just looked in the mirror and sighed
user6 my favorite outfit from this leg of the tour
taylorswift 💕
yourusername 💕
user7 I FEEL SO MUCH LIGHTER LIKE A FEATHER WITH YOU OFF MY MIND
user8 that second picture is so adorable I’m screaming 😭😭😭
user9 IM TALKING NONSENSE
user10 new album when???
user11 Lando Norris in the likes??? 😭
user12 wait who is that
user13 an f1 driver 😭
user12 what’s he doing here
user13 idk 😭
user14 Y/N RUN QUICK LANDOS HERE
user15 we can’t let him get her 😭
user16 she’s so pretty I’m in love with her 🫶
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yourusername added to their story
landonorris
🤩🤩🤩🤩
yourusername
🤭🤭🤭🤭
landonorris
I saw you open for Taylor
in Brazil
your were wonderful
yourusername
I’m flattered 🥰
landonorris
I’d be even more flattered if I could take you on a date
yourusername
You usually this confident?
landonorris
No, I’m actually not
yourusername
Well
I’d love to go on a date with you Mr Norris
landonorris
😅 thank god that worked
You ever around Monaco?
yourusername
Not usually
But I could be 😚
I’m off next week <3
landonorris
Perfect
See you then
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TWITTER
MESSAGES
TWITTER
INSTAGRAM
yourusername
liked by landonorris jackantonoff and 4,777,008 others
yourusername that’s that me espresso ☕️🩵
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user17 rip sharpay evans you would’ve loved espresso by y/n l/n
user18 it’s actually so good omg
user19 best song ever made fr
user20 love love love
user21 truly that girl
user22 ON REPEAT
user23 I love her more than life
user24 IM WORKING LATE CUS IM A SINGERRRRRR
user25 face card never declines
jackantonoff rly good!
yourusername thanks jacky 🥰
user26 jack x y/n collab when???
user27 Landos back in the likes…
user28 free my girl from the shackles of a man
user29 oh my god is the song about him
user30 they haven’t been seen together in a while so I sure hope not 😭
user31 song of the year
user32 🩵🩵🩵
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yourusername added to their story
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yourusername
liked by taylorswift maxfewtrell and 4,000,112 others
yourusername I'm working lateee cuz its my birthdayyy 💛
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user33 how to lose a guy in 10 days dress!!! 💛
user34 💛💛💛
user35 that polaroid looks suspiciously like lando
user36 that could legitimately be anyone
user37 of course but unfortunately she's been seen with him recently so…
user38 not lando…
user39 so pretty 🤩
user40 y'all rly hate lando? That mans been so supportive I legit can't not like him
user41 ikr! I'm a proud lando defender. No reason to hate him.
user42 I love them together idc
maxfewtrell happy birthday!
yourusername thanks max 🫶
user43 still not convinced that's lando
user44 girl.
user45 😍
user46 happy birthday girl!!!
user47 my favorite pop girlie
user48 IM WORKING LATEEEEE
user49 queen 👑
user50 I love lando 💛💛💛
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yourusername
🎵 Please Please Please - Y/N L/N
liked by landonorris maxverstappen and 9,880,771 others
yourusername I know I have good taste
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user51 hardest of hard launches
user52 I LOVE THEM TOGETHER I DONT CARE
user53 favourite couple 💛
user54 gorgeous gorgeous people
user55 LANDOOOOO
user56 lando wasn't even acting in that video that's just how down bad he is
user57 that first pic… 😍
user58 bring your bf to work day
user59 ...okay maybe I like him 🙄
user60 wait hes kinda hot 😭
user61 my royal couple
maxverstappen is lando gonna be an actor now???
yourusername its a good backup plan if the driving thing doesn't work out
landonorris I think I'll leave the acting to you
maxverstappen that's for the best mate
user62 lmao max
user63 they're so pretty 🥰🥰🥰
user64 so it couple core
user65 ATEEEE
landonorris yeah you do 💛
yourusername 🙄💛
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landonorris added to their story
user1
Y'all r so cute
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user2
yeah she is
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user3
😍😍😍😍
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user4
I still don't trust you car boy
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user5
the music video was so good!!!!
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yourusername
I love you 💛
landonorris
love you too 💛
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@casperlikej @evie-119
#scheduled#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau#lando norris x you#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x female reader#lando norris imagine#lando imagine#lando x reader#lando norris x reader
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too sweet 𐙚 abby anderson
a/n: smut!! fingering & oral (r|receiving), implied strap usage // men & minors dni!
imagine being a fem little girlblogger in all of your free time. always at the library, or a local coffee shop, leeching off of the free wifi just to make girly posts on tumblr. the pretty blonde barista stands nervously behind the counter, glancing up at you every now and then.
abby writes her number on your cup that day, and keeps her phone within earshot so she can be the first to hear the beautiful ding of your phone texting hers.
you talk, and talk, and talk, and eventually you're texting so much you don't have any time for your girlblog. you know how much you love being girly and creative and how easy it is to do it online, so you offer to stop by the cafe so when abby clocks out you can leave together.
something about being so feminine around such a boulder of a woman makes you clench around nothing all night, until abby finally clocks out.
on the drive to her little apartment, you can't help but rub your thighs together, trying not to alert abby to the growing wet spot in your panties. you chew on your lip, hoping for a moment of peace as abby pulls into her parking spot.
if abby noticed, she never gave you any indication of it.
inside, abby presses a heavy kiss on your lips before she changes and settles into the couch. you feel the throbbing in your cunt grow heavier, louder, as she casually spreads out on the couch.
"coming?" she asks, and you can't help inwardly shrink at the double entendre.
there is a lazy, bored smirk pulling at her lips as you sit beside her, clearly worked up and just begging for relief.
"what's on your mind?" she questions, as if unaware of the flush of your cheeks and the heat radiating from you. she flicks through netflix boringly.
you shrug, words failing as that incessant clench of your cunt around nothing nearly chokes you. you manage to whisper, "just thinking."
"about?"
the glint in her eyes sparks something deep within you—in a place only she's ever touched. no way were you going to let her win this easy.
"i haven't blogged a lot recently, i might have to stop at the cafe tomorrow, too."
"are you sure its for the blog?" she raises a brow. "i think i saw your eyes on me more than your computer screen."
"so why don't you do something about it, anderson?"
"cause i think i want to hear you say it first." she drops one of her hands to your thighs. she grasps a handful of the flesh and squeezes it before smoothing your skin flat
"i-" she squeezes your thigh again, tight, before her fingers drift higher. you swallow hard.
she drops her head so that her lips are right by your ear. "if you say it i'll fuck you right here."
"i want you to. please." you sound desperate as you finally answer.
"want me to what?" the tips of her fingers ghost along the apex of your thighs. your throat tightens.
you inhale sharply as she puts pressure right above your clit. she removes it as soon as a wave of pleasure fills your belly. "jesus, abby. i want you to fuck me."
her lips ghost your earlobe before she begins placing soft kisses along the side of your face, your cheek, your lips, your neck. as she trails lower, she slides further down the couch. your breath catches in your throat as she presses your back against the arm of the couch.
"that's all you had to say, baby. wasn't that hard, right?"
you shake your head desperately, shimmying your pants to your ankles as she settles her thick hands on your thighs. you nearly choke at the sight of abby already splitting you open just by being in between your legs.
she squeezes your thigh in reassurance before her tongue ghosts your panty-covered core. you whine. it's so good, but nowhere near enough for you. she kitten licks your cunt once more before she flattens her tongue against you. her hands hook under your ass, thumbs pressing your inner thighs away from your heat.
with one finger, she pulls your ruined panties to the side, almost marveling at the sight of you dripping before her.
she wastes no time before diving in, tongue exploring and caressing every fold and crevice of your hot mound. you can't help but whine and moan, can't hold it in anymore. you've been pent up all day, you and abby know it isn't going to be much more before your first orgasm.
she pulls your hips impossibly closer to her face just as she dips her tongue into your dripping hole. a heavy moan rips through you as she works the thick muscle in and out again. her nose rubs up against your clit so perfectly you thread your fingers through her hair.
she groans as you tug her hair, the sound reverberating through your cunt. you moan again, bucking your hips against her.
when she removes her tongue from you, you feel the pad of her middle finger press against your warmth. she circles your clit with her tongue as she slides her finger in.
she works it in slowly as you tug harder at her hair. she lets you grind into her face, whimpering and whining for the release you've wanted all day.
"such a good girl waiting for me, asking me so nicely." abby mutters, hardly able to take her mouth off your pussy long enough to get the sentence out.
you moan sharply as she presses another finger into you. "please, abby—" she works the two in and out of you, feeling your walls clench tight on her.
"so fucking wet for me."
you can't find it in you to but do anything but sob as she sucks on your clit and curls her fingers deep in you. you are so, so close. you could see stars behind your eyes and feel the heat of your climax as she pounds into your sensitive spot.
"my pretty girl." and you nearly break.
you come with a shout, abby's hand never stopping, her tongue still on your clit. you buck your hips against her and ride out every delicious wave of pleasure that hits you until you ache and have to wrap your hand around abby's to get her to stop pounding into you.
"so fucking pretty, baby." abby leaves sloppy kisses against your thighs, cleaning your release with her tongue before catching you in a soft kiss, still tasting of you. "c'mon, open up, pretty."
her wet fingers press against your lips and you open your mouth for her, letting her slip her fingers inside. you lick yourself off her fingers, savoring the weight of her on your tongue, the taste of you.
as she leans forward and presses her covered cunt against yours, you feel a bulge tickle your clit.
"are you thinking what i'm thinking?" she asks teasingly, pulling her fingers from your mouth.
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girlie i love your writing!!💗💗
i was thinking mean!rafe x virgin!reader where he’s a meanie but he softens when he finds out it’s reader’s first time. it’s your choice if you do the act or the aftercare, i just need this in your writing please🎀🎀
~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~
nice was the last word anyone would use to describe rafe cameron; the constant frown on his face paired with the flow of mean spews that would leave his mouth didn’t provide much help with his reputation
yet every time you find yourself on his lap, sloppily making out with him the seat of his truck
and every time his hand would slip underneath the hem of your sweatshirt and knead the supple fat of your tits, slowly working themselves down to the edges of your panties- there would be some sort of abrupt stop caused by you, something or someone else
thank god!
he made it so hard for you to tell him he would be your first with his brutish, rough manner constantly poking and teasing at you and you knew that if you let this slip that you wouldn’t hear the end of it from him and you weren’t ready to face that humiliation just yet
that’s how you find yourself in a circle of random kooks, them looking pensively at you, waiting for you to answer the question
‘what’s the craziest place you had sex?’
well fuck! you thought to yourself as you could see the familiar cameron bore his eyes into the side of your head anticipating your answer
“uhh” you nervously mumble out “well i’ve never-“ you begin before kelce and another group of kooks come booming in, squealing and screaming with a water gun in hand spraying anyone they can find
the group quickly scattered, each and everyone running off to a random place in the cameron residence
with that, you feel the older cameron’s hand make its way to your waist, softly dragging you up the stairs, making way to his bedroom
and here you were again making out in his lap, hand softly toying with the hems of your short dress, stopping for a moment as he speaks “you never got to answer your question?”
“hm?” you ask already forgetting the incident downstairs, drunk off the touch of his lips “craziest place” he recalls the question again
“oh yeah..that” you mumble out as his palms rub up and down the sides of you, occasionally giving an oddly comforting squeeze, almost like he knew
“well..i’ve kind of never” you start, the words coming out as a soft whisper. god why did this feel so intimate.this is rafe cameron! “you know…never done it” you gulp immediately as the blondes eyes pierced into yours
“oh” he lets out after a short moment of silence, a soft smirk making way on his face
“look rafe if you’re gonna be a prick about it… i’ll just go because-” you announce, ready to leave and bury your face in a pillow and scream
“no no no no” he interrupts as he continues to grip on the sides of your waist, holding you in place and stopping you from moving
“s’cute..y’know” his hands making way to the ends of your hair, softly running his fingers through them while the other rubs against the length of your arms “if i was your first and stuff ”
“would show you a real nice time”he continues as he peppers soft kisses to your neck, sucking gently at that one spot which he knew had you all sensitive and weak
“really?” you choke out, your own voice giving up on itself
“course”
the subtle banging of the headboard against the wall drifted into the sound of the music blaring from the speakers
as the night unfolded, and you lay caged in between the muscle of the cameron’s arms, legs tangled with one another
you couldn’t help but think he wasn’t the big? bad scary rafe cameron after all
~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~🌸~🎀~
notes: so sorry lovely that i wrote it so so late, been a bit busy but i hope you like it!!
#obx#outer banks#rafe cameron#obx drabble#rafe cameron concepts#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#anon ask
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╰┈➤ ❝ desire • l.n c.l ❞ xi
part ten - part twelve
➪ Charles hasn't paid much attention to you after your daughter was born but a certain Brit does.
➪ charles finally realizes things between you and lando are in fact serious.
➪ mom!reader x dad!Charles x lando
➪ sorry this took so long :') charles needs professional help <3
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milliexoxo
liked by y/nusername, logansargeant and 5,784 others
milliexoxo okay but my mom speaks italian
tagged: landonorris, y/nusername, carlossainz55
view all 583 comments
norrizz NAH MISS ZOE LECLERC SIT DOWN IM NOT READY FOR YOU TO STAND
↳ yukisan HONESTLY WHATS NEXT WALKING?!
bott_ass HAVE Y'ALL NOT SEEN MILS LATEST VLOG SHE DOES WALK ALREADY
norrizz NAH SEDATE ME IM NOT READY FOR THIS
norry4 Y'ALL FORGOT ITS HER 1ST BIRTHDAY IN LIKE 2 WEEKS?!
landoscar look at mom and dad :(
julieeeexo refuse to believe that's zoë, why is she growing so fast?!
carlandooo carlos and zoë?! 🥺
↳ sharl16 charles punching air rn 😂
charliecharlie aw I'm becoming the biggest y/nlando shipper 😩
logansargeant love the new haircut. 🔥
↳ hamilt44n asjklmsks arianna what are you doing here?!
grussell63 @.y/nusername help your kid out 😭
landonorizzzz pls @.y/nusername adopt logan as well 😭
landofourr wait is this considered a y/nlando hard launch?
↳ chilisainz girl they don't need a hard launch, it's so obvious with everything they do 💀
versainz155 carlos casually hanging out with lando and his little family is what I'm living for <3
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y/nusername posted to their story
charles_leclerc replied to your story
charles_leclerc
Where's zoë?
y/nusername
with millie
charles_leclerc
What hotel are you staying in?
y/nusername
we rented a place, zoë is not stuck in a hotel room if that's what you're hinting at, she's able to crawl and walk around all she want.
charles_leclerc
You go on a lot of dates with lando and leave zoë with someone else
y/nusername
you're joking, right?
you're becoming a real asshole, Charles
get a grip
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y/nusername
liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell and 768,523 others
y/nusername quando in Italia �� 🍝 (when in italy)
tagged: landonorris, milliexoxo
view all 1,176 comments
norry4 not the bucket hat, my girl has been hanging around with lando to much 😩
milliexoxo I told y'all my mom speaks Italian
↳ charlesgirlies your 'mom' speaks Italian because her baby daddy is half italian
oscarpastry charles is not half Italian 💀
charlesgirlies girl, he is in spirit lmao
bobnorriz lando and zoë content y'all 🥰
norstappen not really sure if I like the fact zoë is walking but okay..rude :(
el645 when are you going to admit you cheated on charles?
↳ hamilt44n oh god the stalker made its way to insta 💀
yukisan when is charles going to admit he cheated on y/n?
el645 aren't yall curious why they broke up?
charlescharles dude we don't need to know why they broke up? 🤡
landonorris been cooking with my best friend 💜
↳ hamiltonh SHUT UP 😭😭 😭
milliexoxo close to turning a year and still a better cook than you
bott_ass girl you're never going to get along with your stepdad if you keep bullying him like this
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y/nusername
📍 Nice, France
liked by milliexoxo, maxfewtrell and 675,458 others
y/nusername a year ago the tiniest little girl changed my life for the better, happy 1st birthday to our silly little bear ❤️❤️❤️❤️
view all 1,425 comments
bott_ass happy birthday zoë!
maxfewtrell happy 1st birthday to my best friend ❤️
riabish happy birthday pretty girl! 💜💜
logansargeant happy 1st birthday zoë!
↳ hamilt44n I love this, I hope y/n adopted Logan 🥺
milliexoxo my silly little girlfriend, hope you have the happiest of birthdays! <3
carlossainz55 happy birthday to the funniest girl ❤️
norrizz this girlie is so loved 😭 happy b-day little princess! 😍
el645 funny for someone who didn't want a kid in the first place
↳ chilisainz Noelle get your ass out of here
norry4 man's must be blind, this woman LOVES her daughter
lando happy birthday to our little bear 🐻
↳ y/nusername ❤️❤️
landonorris ❤️❤️
yukisan everyday I come on this app and cry :(
charles16 Monaco gp week? Nah, it's been Zoë her week ❤️
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y/nusername
liked by milliexoxo, maxfewtrell and 698,452 others
y/nusername the bestest company. <3
tagged: milliexoxo, logansargeant, landonorris, liamlawson30
yukisan Logan had been officially adopted 😭
↳ grussell63 and Liam & his girlfriend?! 😭
lewisham Liam and y/n gave little brother big sister vibes back when Liam took dr3 his seat for a while, I'm not surprised!
norrizz I don't think y'all realize y/n started socialising way more after she left charles, I wonder with who she's hanging out with 👀
landoscar lando and oscar content thank you queen!!!!
norry4 mom and dad with their kids <3
chilisainz wonder where the die hard y/ncharles shippers are right now..
↳ yukisan probably still skipping around in delululand
mcnorris lads, she's still dating charles, lando and y/n are just friends...duh 🤪
yukisan if that's what it's like to have lando as just a friend, can I have him as a friend as well 😭
lawsonbaby LIAM?! CANT WAIT TO SEE THE VLOG
carlando they're insta official 🥺
maxfewtrell cute but where am I?
↳ milliexoxo this post is meant for the cute people..
landonorris and yet you're in it..
milliexoxo 😲
y/nusername contrary to popular beliefs, I'm actually nice and didn't want to turn you into another meme
maxfewtrell I appreciate that, thanks mate ❤️
nortrell MATE?! Best buds these two 😭
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Desire taglist; @fangirl-dot-cm @sainzluvrr @writingworlds @chezmardybum @lewisvinga @xjval @fanficweasley @rockyhayzkid @aundercover @thecubanator2 @minchedchilli @crimeshowjunkie @alisoncasey21 @eeviepepi08 @shamelesspotatos @sleepybrokenmelle @leireggsworld @janeholt3 @iamahalicinationn @dessxoxsworld @kapsylia @22yuki @dark-night-sky-99 @sheslikeacurse @nerdreader
Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @softboystarkey @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @80sloverry @bibissparkles @myescapefromthislife @lanando4 @elliegrey2803 @ravisinghs-wife @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @pretty-little-bunny382728 @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @severewobblerlightdragon @cherry-piee @namgification @mycenterfold @devineendevers @celestialend
Lando taglist: @beatricemiruna @simp-for-fictional-people @landossainz @christianpulisic10 @bored-brunette2 @i83andrew @mcmuppet @justdreamersdream
#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#lando norris#charles leclerc#lando norris smau#charles leclerc smau#lando norris fanfic#charles leclerc fanfic#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#lando x reader#charles x reader
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𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗚𝗳 — Ellie x Bimbo!r
𝜗𝜚 Author’s notes ✦ Butch/femme dynamics, Ellie has a panic attack, this references joel’s death, anxiety, bile, nausea, and hyper sexual themes, Ellie’s butch, wears a packer/strap. Refers to it as cock, dick etc Reader’s a bimbo and genuinely stupid. Ellie gets really scared.
𝜗𝜚 Ellie Williams ✦ I listened to Vietnam - Crystal Castles it’s tempo mirrors Ellie’s panicked anxiety. I’ve linked to a few seconds before the beat drops, on YouTube for accessibility. Listen with earphones so the music fucks your ears.
𝜗𝜚 If you find yourself uncomfortable with the themes in this fic, maybe try educating yourself on Butch sexuality. Read this to get a sense of Ellie’s headspace.
kisses u. ⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚⟡.
Ellie fisted the joystick into neutral and killed the engine. She cracked all 5 knuckles before reaching over to release your seatbelt. The belts cold buckle sprang across your breasts and over your shoulder, turning your nipples visibly hard and full in their wake. Ellie fought off the urge to glance down; to drink them in. She was semi-successful at managing away her inner teenage boy every time it chose to rear its ugly hungry head at inopportune moments.
“So…” she started, her hand massaging the inner dough of your thighs, warmed by the hug of your crossed legs. “We just gettin’ your little sparkly earrings? Or are you gonna get distracted and spend more money than I make in a single paycheck?”
You ran your palms up the sleeves of Ellie’s brown military jacket. Fascinated by the texture of the rough fabric everytime one of its crinkles caught against your acrylic nails. You couldn’t fathom how Ellie walked around in clothes so rough and distressed, all of your outfits were soft cotton or silky satin. And here Ellie wore a deconstructed uniform jacket like it was meant for her body. You blinked away your distracted thoughts, and leaned into nose at her neck. Pressing nose and lips to the source of the most comforting scent in the world to you. Allspice, cigarette smoke, and 2-in-1 body wash. There was still a faint trace of her cologne, you wish she wore it, the traces of it made you go brainless for your butch.
“Earrings only.” Your sweet voice was muffled against her neck. She reached her other hand up to cup the back of your neck. The cold metal of her rings kissed your skin, but you leaned into it.
“I’ll wait for you right here, peach.”
“Okay.” You nodded obediently.
“Don’t spend too long in there, okay?”
“Okay.” You nodded once again.
“If anyone stares at you too long or makes you feel weird for being girly, call me and I’ll meet you wherever. Especially those judgemental ass grandmas.”
You looked up at her, her hair was in her eyes, casting a shadow that turned her gaze into a deep hunter green.
You leaned in slowly and kissed her lips. Ellie attempted to chase the kiss, until you slid your hand between the valley of her breasts and urged her to stay. Behave baby boy.
Ellie’s right eyebrow quirked up in response, impressed that you kept her in check. That you knew her so well that you could tell exactly where that kiss could’ve led to if you didn’t tell her to slow down.
“Be right back here in an hour.” Ellie was relishing in how your thumb rubbed across her chest. Your hand rested on her chest like you were her little damsel in distress, looking to her to save you. You made her feel like Clark Kent, and it made her want to puff her chest out.
“Hour-and-a-half, I wanna get ice cream.” You prattled.
“An hour.”
“Ellieeee” You whined.
“If you’re not back here by 2:30 pm, I’m stomping into Icing myself, throwing you over my shoulder and marching right back out.”
“Please as if you could hoist me up over your shoulder.” You leaned over to fish Ellie’s wallet from her back pocket.
Ellie side-eyed you intensely as she tracked the movement. She enclsaped your wrist in an iron grip once your acrylics brushed the back pocket of her jeans. Her thumb pressed down. You couldn’t move.
“You didn’t seem confused about my strength when I lifted you into that full nelson and pounded you in front of the mirror.” She dropped her blue steel face and started grinning like a fox. “Uhnnuhuh Ellie, m’gonna squirt. I’m gonna squirt on you daddy.” She mocked in a high-pitched overly feminine voice. She drew her eyebrows together to school up the appearance of someone deliriously aroused. One that mimicked your cock-drunk face all those days ago.
Ellie dropped the comedic expression for a moment, in favor of replacing it with the one she sported to intimidate customers who started testing her boundaries or her patience. The one that said ‘respect me.’
“Fuck you, asshole. I’m made of steel.” She spat.
You leaned up, and just planted a glossy kiss on her cheek. She blushed until she was cherry tomato red. She always blushed harder when you were affectionate to her, in the middle of her egotistical masculine delusions. Like a mom kissing her son's cheek, after he called himself Spider-Man.
Ellie would tease you for hours. But remind her again you were her adorable little girlfriend who she worshiped, then she’d be back to acting right again. Ready to hump the air just to get a whiff of your hair. Sweet and pliable. Ellie crossed her fingers subtly and hoped you got specks of glitter gloss on her cheek from that kiss. She wore your kisses like merchandise. Those and the smell of your pussy on her mouth and fingers. Some days, the smell was just smeared all over her face.
You blinked at her, slow and pouty in the way that got her real happy and pleased. “Now that you’re done poking and teasing me, can I go inside to get my sparkly earrings?”
Ellie slid her wallet into your palm, her lips parted at the way your acrylics snatched it. The way they sunk into the soft leather. Mmmm.
“An hour.”
You climbed out of her beat up hatchback. The metal groaned as you slammed the door shut. “See you Els, if I get in trouble or get lost I’ll call you okay? I charged my phone this time. Bye-bye.” You sing-songed just before walking away, out of the parking lot and towards the entrance of the mall.
You were the utter definition of hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. Ellie drank in the very very obvious little characters of your ass. The jiggly flesh, dimpled skin, and the way they smacked each other with each step. The type of visual someone could only see if the person walking in front of them was naked. Which you practically were considering how your pink cotton leggings looked painted on. The silhouette was way too intimate with how well it showed the character of your ass. She could’ve forced you to change, but you two had such a good morning today.
Ellie didn’t want to—no—she hated picking fights with you. Ellie being mad at you? That was just another Tuesday. She had temperament issues, trauma, death of a loved one blah blah blah. But you being mad at Ellie? She’d kill herself. She shuddered in the car at the thought of it, and swallowed her jealousy. Everyone sees your little dimpled ass? Fine. She’s the only person that’s seen it twerking for her during backshots. And anyway, you’d get jealous if she wore gray sweatpants to work, so she kinda understood the sentiment. Especially because she packed everywhere, and the bulge was glaring.
Ellie wrapped her knuckles on the steering wheel. Trying to distract herself from the slow and lonely weight of the parking lot. Joy Division’s “disorder” played in her head. She considered pulling out a Marlboro to smoke, but thought against it. She remembered how you squealed whenever she kissed you with cigarette breath, telling her how it made your kisses taste so bitter.
Truth be told, she was just as clingy with you, as you were to her. You just initiated it more often. When someone follows her around like a little puppy trying to catch up to its much larger owner all day, it’s hard not to notice their missing presence.
Ellie played with her rings as the mounting anxiety gnawed at her tummy. She turned her wrist over to check her watch. Ten. Only ten minutes had gone by? Fucking christ.
She puffed out her cheeks. Yeah she was being ridiculous. Knowing you, you probably had only just arrived at the store, and that meant making a cute pikachu face at every new piece of merchandise they shipped into the shop floor that week. So it’d be a while before you were back. She could’ve gone in with you, but Ellie knew her presence there would’ve weirdly encouraged you to take a full day tour of the mall. She was your walking wallet apparently. But it’s worse when the wallet can actually give in.
It was better this way, you kept her card in hand, but Ellie wasn’t physically there to actually convince of anything. So you couldn’t use it to buy anything more than earrings. Plus, she couldn’t stand another trip to Victoria’s Secret. As much as she loved the way you modeled a show for her whenever you tried stuff on, and as much as the jokes she cracked with the other boyfriends waiting for their girlfriends to be done made for good conversation, Victoria’s Secret just served to make her feel incredibly out of place. Mostly due to its overtly sexual displays of femininity. Something she still struggled to place how she felt about. All Ellie knew was that she didn’t want it.
Matter of fact she had repelled femininity so much, it even reflected in her dating preferences. You were by far the most feminine girl Ellie had ever dated. That was a considerably large shift from the tomboys she typically had crushes on in highschool.
But she couldn’t help but be turned on by the way your acrylics stroked her bulge, by the way you blinked up at her with those dolly lashes like you needed her approval more than you needed oxygen, by the way she got both wet and enraged seeing men’s gazes linger on you as she walked behind you. Lingering in a way that they never did for any of her exes. It ignited a possessiveness in her she had convinced herself she didn’t have the ability to feel. Made her walk out the house with her shoulders drawn up to her ears, scowling. As if to say to all the men, ‘fuck off, get your own cocksleeve. This one’s claimed.’
You were the cutest cocksleeve too. The human embodiment of a little bow for her dick.
Just the thought prompted her to squeeze her bulge through her jeans, feeling phantom erections.
God it’d been how long now? Ellie checked her watch, reading the watch face to make sure she’d read that right. Twenty minutes? Only?
Her palms started perspiring, and she started grinding her teeth. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. She’ll be back any minute. Be cool, you freak.
Ellie reached to grab her phone, but the way the time flashed at the top bar of the screen made her stomach knot up anxiously. She chucked her phone into the passenger seat, and rolled down the window to get some fresh air. It felt beautiful for a moment, her rough short hair curling around the wind and blowing in her eyes. But then she felt like she couldn’t breathe again. Like her throat was squeezing in on itself. So Ellie unbuttoned the top button of her navy plaid button down. She yanked the collar away from her neck, and took deep breaths. Nice and deep slow breaths. The demonic little shadows and whispers of panic ebbed away, leaving only room for peace and the sunlight of the early afternoon. Ellie smiled, she’d be fine.
She played with her rings, recounting all the places and dates she’d thrifted them from. Then she started fidgeting with them as her leg bounced in the car, working off some of that returning nervous energy. The little shadows were starting to creep back in her mind again. Ellie white-knuckled the steering wheel. “No, no, no please. Not now, please not now.” She sucked in a deep breath as unshed tears lined her waterline. She flipped her wrist watch face up quickly, you’d been gone for thirty-five minutes by this point. And Ellie felt her skin run cold. thirty-five minutes left twenty-five minutes. Twenty-five more minutes for the ebb and flow of panic to infect her brain and trigger her adrenaline response. Twenty-five more minutes of letting her own mind attack itself. Ellie couldn’t stomach the thought. She started gasping as she fidgeted to remove the car keys from the ignition. The dark whispering shadow only urged her to look at one thought in her mind: Alone. You’re alone again, Ellie.
She nearly keeled over from the sheer nausea that thought brought about. Ellie tripped out of her car, slammed the door and stumbled towards the mall as her heartbeat thundered louder than her thoughts. And her thoughts were very loud. Her face felt tight and itchy, as she ran. And due to the combination of wind and glossy eyes, her vision warped until it became disfigured. Which only set off to make her blood run icier. Like she was being deprived of all her necessary senses as she yanked the mall door open and stumbled around trying to wade her way through until she got to the side where women’s jewelry and clothing was huddled. Her vision was disjointed, Ellie felt as if she was looking through a fish-eye lens. It caused bile to rise in her throat. Ellie was spiraling, she knew it. And if she didn’t find you—fuck where were you?—it was only going to get uglier for her. She despised being reduced to ugly. She hated herself when she was ugly.
Snot mixed in with tears as she scaled the walls of the mall trying to use the brightness of pink and white signs to guide her to the right store. You promised you’d go to icing, you promised you’d go to icing, you promised you’d go to icing. She hummed the mantra in corners of her brain.
She gurgled “better fucking be at Icing otherwise I’m gonna kill he—my heart christ—fuck fuck fuck baby please be at icing.” The palpitations rolled in, causing her heart to beat erratically. Two beats instead of one, a skipped beat, or an extra hard beat. Every bastardized combination instead of the reliable, glub-glub of a healthy heart. Ellie gripped her own shirt, and tried to feel any lingering warmth from your hand when you placed it there nearly an hour ago. Her breaths were coming out ragged, and she was still blind with a disjointed vision no matter how much she rubbed her jacket across her eyes to soak up tears. Ellie stumbled until she saw a store with the familiar lettering, and she yanked and tugged at her shirt to ground herself as she made her way to the checkout lane. “Hi.” Her voice came out so small and strained. She hated herself for it.
“Have you seen a girl, she’s—seems about yay-high and she’s wearing pink leggings and a tight pink top. Oh—she’s pretty—long nails. My girlfriend, do you know where my girlfriend is?” Ellie choked, her sanity was slipping. Her bloodshot eyes were crazed as she stared down at the cashier like the woman held the answer to curing Ellie’s mental suffering.
“N-no. Sorry I didn’t see a girl with pink leggings.”
“No?” Ellie’s voice grew fainter, weaker. She sobbed “are you sure?” but her voice crackled with that sentence, and the cashier just stared at her with a puzzled expression, unsure of what to say to diffuse the situation.
Ellie stumbled out of the store, flinching at the expressions of customers who were looking around the store to see if they were the only one witnessing the girl's mounting panic attack. She ran to an empty hallway in the mall. The one where they kept those gumball machines that hadn’t been replaced since 1998. She fell to her knees and curled in on herself. Her nails scratched her scalp until it broke skin, trying to draw out the thoughts of being alone, being alone, being alone, being, alone, being alone, being alone, being alone, being alone, out of her head.
Ellie tugged at her hair now, using the self-inflicted pain to distract from that hungry giggling fear, the one that wrapped itself around her eyes and throat and told her to describe what she saw: loneliness. Pitch black, devoid of warmth, pure unadulterated isolation.
She needed you, needed you so bad as she cried to herself on her knees. She should’ve never let you go alone, she should’ve never let you walk away from her, she should’ve never let you have an hour to leave her, she should’ve never let you take her wallet and not take her, she should’ve never ever ever ever ignored the signs, the raised hairs and the feeling of dread that pooled in her stomach the past week. Just waiting to be triggered by something insignificant. Now it was triggered, and in an incredibly public place too. Ellie beat her chest, coughing just to bring herself down from the dissociative hell her mind was flinching in. “Baby where are you? I’m hurting…it’s hurting me again. Pleasepleasepleaseplease, peach.”
Nails bluntly tickled her nape, sending a shiver down her spine just as the smell of sweet jasmine and vanilla perfume engulfed her. Ellie broke from her kneeling fetal position to draw you into her lap. She didn’t even need to look at you, she knew you like the back of her hand. Ellie knew the feeling of those acrylic nails because of how deeply they’d scratched down her back in bed. She knew the smell of your perfume from how often she’d buried her face into your waiting body after work for comfort. Her grip was painful, likely breaking capillaries from its tightness. She mewled for you like a kitten finding its mother. “Babygirl.”
“Ellie—Ellie I’m sorry did I take too long? I set an alarm, I don’t think it went off, I’m sorry Ellie I didn’t mean too I promise.” Ellie let out a wet laugh from where her face was crooned in your neck. She just shook her head. It absolutely was not your fault. But God weren’t you just the cutest fucking thing in the world for thinking you’d made another little mistake? How sweet, that even in the face of Ellie’s utter mental crack and breakdown, you found a way to give your baby the benefit of the doubt. Ellie dragged her face up your neck, inhaling deeply as her nose traced a path up your throat. The scent alone was like Xanax to the nerves, drowning her in a sea of serenity. Letting the anxiety ebb away until it was no more than a dull twinge, the whispers reduced to muted hums. You were her light. Ellie’s grip on you tightened, her medicine.
She pulled her face away, and she could only imagine how distressed she must’ve looked by the way your eyebrows drew up, and by the way your pretty little lips formed a worried pout. Ellie gnawed on her bottom lip. There was nothing to fear, you would understand.
“You didn’t take too long princess, I just had a panic attack.”
Your hands flew to cup Ellie’s reddened blotchy cheeks, massaging her face cutely as her eyelashes fluttered. God, you were a balm. “I should’ve seen it coming, I’ve been feeling so out of it the past week. But then this morning was so fun. We made fluffy pancakes, you sat on my lap and listened to my dumb work drama, helped me trim my bangs, then...” Ellie blew air into her cheeks and looked up. This was going to be hard to say. Felt like a lump stuck in her throat. “Then we got ready and the kiss we had before we got in the car made everything melt away. This morning was so good baby, so good. I tried to ignore it, thinking my brain just wanted to be a little asshole and spook me for no reason. But no—I should’ve known—it doesn’t play tricks, it only gives warnings.”
Ellie leaned into your palms, she kissed them gently. “Can we go home baby?.” She held your gaze through wet eyelashes. You nodded “Mhm. I’m sorry Els I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I missed you.” You were disappointed because you didn’t intuitively know the right words to say, and how to say them. Didn’t know how to articulate that you understood her pain but she also shouldn’t beat herself up. Everything you thought of sounded cliche, you weren’t smarter than her, you weren’t able to come up with reassuring words the way other people could. Not like her uncle Tommy or Maria, or anyone. All you could do was cover her in kisses, tell her you loved her, that next time you’d never ever be separated from her, and cradle her head against your chest.
Ellie rose to her feet, pulling you up with her by your elbows. The kiss that followed was for comfort, for reassurance. For the feeling of squeezing her human emotional support plushie.
Ellie pulled away first, leaving you wanting more. She tasted so good, smelled so good. Made you want to pur and stroke her through her jeans. But it wasn’t the time nor place. Not after recent events.
“Did you get your earrings at least?”
“Yeah, I got a pair for you too!” You shared excitedly.
Ellie was still shaken up, but for now she could break out a small grin. “You got earrings for me?”
“Yes, same color too!”
“Baby, my ears aren’t even pierced...”
“Oh.” Ellie loved that, your characteristic little ‘oh’.
“I knew that. I just got them for when—for when you decided to pierce them, yeah.”
Ellie was hot in your heels as you two made your way out of the mall “Is that right?”
“Mhm.” You refused to meet her eyes.
“Oh yeah? K, then. Thank you so much for getting me a gift using my credit card.”
“You’re very welcome, I love when we match as a couple. Els when we got home, did you want my chicken noodle? Cause it’ll make you feel better.”
Ellie sucked in a breath. Cuteness aggression was real, and she was feeling it so hard right then. Right after her emotions had already been frayed by her anxiety. She knew, if it wasn’t for the way the panic attack had left her feeling utterly exhausted, bone tired like a wet blanket, ready to drop at a moment's notice to recuperate, that she would’ve done something that would’ve pulled a squeal out of you in the car. And she had the package to do so.
“Sure, I’ll eat your damn noodle soup.” She chuckled tiredly.
You put both palms on her chest and leaned in to kiss her, stealing back some of the desire that was ripped away too soon in the mall.
“You’ll feel better in no time.”
Ellie gave you a once-over. Over eager, as usual.
“Somehow I don’t doubt that.”
You littered her face in kisses all the way home, like you always did. Like you thought each press of your lips to her freckled face was going to cure her of her anguish. And believe Ellie, every press of your puffy lips to her cheeks, tip of her nose and forehead did more for her state of mind than two hours of trauma therapy a week did. Or at least that’s what she’d like to believe. Fuck the noddle soup, it’s you. You’re what’s going to make her feel better. As long as you’re there, everyday for her to come home to. All she needed was her pretty princess, her little babydoll, her little bimbo.
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