#its so damn pathetic im sick of it honestly

[fieryvoid-scout]

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[felassan]

Snippets 🐺💜

Users report that pre-orders they made to TFAW of the DA:TV artbook The Art of Dragon Age: The Veilguard have been cancelled (since its listings were taken down like Dark Horse's were)

Blair: "The Shadow Dragons have some great black leather combos, less feathers though." [source]. shrl: "The Mourn Watch have leather and skulls." [source]

John: "it's been a pleasure and an honor working on this with you Brian" [source]. Brian: "The feeling is mutual." [source]. Trick: "It's been amazing watching it all come together, and I am so grateful for everything you've done to make that happen." [source]

John: "the day this game ships is the day i will finally retire the sleeved blanket i bought back in 2019" [source]

John: "the wildest thing about being creative director is that about once every two weeks someone says 'hey this bizarre thing here is part of your job can you do it'. and it is a thing that you KNEW someone did but you never thought about which someone. congratulations, you are that someone" [source]

User: "The Evanuris are banished forever, he says. 👀". Trick: "Forever-ish" [source]

John: "me: it’s weird how a lot of fans think I hate Solas, it’s absolutely wild. also me: I should photoshop Solas into the ‘we demand to be taken seriously’ picture" [source]

Carly: "i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, everyone,,,, s o o n 🥴" [source]. / "I honestly can’t wait til we share more !" [source]. / User: "do you ever look at people’s reactions and theories on here like 🙂‍↔️ you people have no idea what’s coming". Carly: "Oh absolutely lmaooo" [source]

Carly: "I deleted it but I posted in our slack like “pls just tell them smtg, the clowns make me sad ):” lolol" [source]. (note: fans have been joking around and calling themselves clowns hhh, in the age-old tradition of DA clowning) "this is me empathizing and feeling bad we aren’t giving as much info (altho epler be goin off), rereading it sounds like I’m going *points* look at how pathetic those clowns are lol" [source]. / "its like we can finally yell about our work but only in limited quantities and basically at the same time fans find out things lolol oh ya and the ea snipers" [source]

Violet: "I might be screaming into the wind, but there's nothing underhanded going on. Release date is coming in August like we already said (so very soon)" / "roadmap will be very soon with some nuggets of what will be coming in August." [source: the official BioWare Discord]

Violet: "I made the announcement [in the Discord about Edge magazine's article], and it's kinda damned if you do, damned if you dont. If you do, people that ONLY want the biggest beats get mad. If you don't, people that want any scrap of news get mad. Personally, I think going towards the latter is better overall. But I'm sorry it wasn't what you expected. I am also a DA fan and care enormously about this project." [source: the official BioWare Discord]

User: "How do we all think the companions for Veilguard flirt?". Violet: "depends on the companion fsfs" [source: the official BioWare Discord]

Violet: "soon™️" / "(not trying to be a shit, it will be soon! its a holdover joke from my last studio, i have to put the ™️ every time, its a sickness)" / "real talk, im just as feral as you guys when it comes to DA" / "[re: John being aware of a meme] that doesnt surprise me, [John] gets around 👀" [source: the official BioWare Discord]

[bigblueoctoling]

still pisses me off that team order shouldve won and marina deserves better in all fucking honesty since splatoon 3 never went in the way it shouldve gotten and basically ruined the entire splatoon f^^base as a whole as well as how ppl use/view the internet nowadays thus making me hate chaos in terms of splatoon on a fundemental lvl and not to mention that p^^^l was a complete asshole to begin with that SOMEHOW gets liked by every1 despite being nothing but a complete jerk 247 and thinking that her so called """"relationship""" with marina of all ppl is """more important""" than oh idk HER OWN FUCKING VALUES ABT THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING THAT MATTERED TO HER is just the most pathetic thing shes ever done in her lame boring ass life this fake non canon splatoon 3 never happened side order never happened beta!pearl is sm better and who marina should be with instead and more importantly team order deserved the victory instead of the loser team that deserves nothing cuz lets be real here j dont think the splatoon team never wanted to go down this direction in the first place when they rly wanted order to win just for the sake of actually making things interesting for once but nope apparantly the entire damn """"community""" cares too much abt certain squid asshole character to even give a single flying fuck abt anything else but whatever """"epic important thing"""" she did in oe that doesnt mean shit at the end of the day and not to mention i kinda wish splatfests were never a thing to begin with cuz that just means the creators themselves have less power over their own series for no reason and its not always a good thing to leave the fate of the next entry in the hands of ur so called """"f^^s"""" when they will always want the worst outcome for no reason other than petty bullshit f^^service and nothing else and thats literally one of the main reasobs why c^^^s shouldve never won to begin with given that barely anything in this non canon timeline means shit besides the very rare exceptions like neo and such and honest to god i hope team past does the right thing by making it so that order wins instead and we get the true best ending for once instead of this forgettable excuse of an entry we got and just overall still pisses me off to this day how ppl somehow care more abt a lame relatiomship with a complete asshole being shipped with an octoling who deserved better for no particular reason besides shameless clout at all than literally her own damn values even if it means sacrifices but are still neccessary regardless and i honestly refuse to even accept splatoon """"3"""" as """"canon"""" anymore especially when they shouldve never left the fate of the series in the hands of their awful f^^base and i rly hope they never do specifically finalfests ever again or better yet never do splatfests again in general and find smth else thats better cuz it makes everything extremely complicated for no reason and the sad part being were only allowed to see one outcome and not even the best ones like team order especially and s3!marina can genuinely fuck off for all i care shes not even real compared to the order version of her thats more real than that lame as hell version of her will ever be to begin with and im so sick and tired of basically the entire splatoon f^^base in general with all of their bad shitty takes of the series (cough cough 5pl4tf35t3ever and dr 5p3ctr3 cough cough) that make me wanna mentally die of cringe so badly and how theyve ruined everything and how the whole series has technically been ruined ever since the s2 finalfest that got ruined for the wrong reasons all cuz ppl think order is """"bad"""" when in reality its not and therefore its their own damn fault to begin with now here they are hating themselves 247 when they got their shitty wish like no shit this is what u losers somehow perferred over marina getting what she rightfully deserves of course ur gonna be hypocritically miserable abt it cuz thats basically all u fucking are and all u ever will be for the rest and remainder of time and beyond

all in all i just wish team past would erase this shit timeline forever as well as changing everything for the actual better and in case ur wondering im one of those actual sane ppl that only want team past to win for the sake of actual splatoon lore like octarians and such and real things that ppl would be nostalgic for and such others like not and not some stupid petty ass reason that ppl made tf up for shitty attention purposes and nothing else that drive me up the damn wall so many times u have no idea

but yeah team order and marina still deserves better and beta!pearl x marina is the true pearlina experience thats a far better/more interesting dynamic than what """"canon""""!p^^^l will ever have since that spoiled piece of shit can burn in hell for all i care in all honesty for literally ruining everything in general and SOMEHOW getting liked by many despite all the horrible shit shes done that makes me question every1s logic (or lack there of in this case) and not even a single damn moment from oe or whatever changes all the shit things shes done b4 multiple times already like srsly wtf

Hey! So this is my first anon ask and this is sheer lunacy. This is all damn near one single run-on sentence, but because your passion fascinates me I'll go out of my way to dissect this post.

So, for starters, I assume this was sent to me because I have a pretty negative opinion about Splatoon 3, but I don't think we dislike Splatoon 3 for any of the same reasons at all. I'm gonna have to roast you a bit, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go through this and try to discern the meaning of this behemoth as well as I can, if I misunderstand something please feel free to send another ask.

A whole lot of ranting about Pearl

I'm sorry, but if you came here expecting someone who has antagonistic feelings towards Pearl, you came to the wrong place. Frankly, I don't actually understand what your issue with her is- I don't really see what makes her an asshole. Like, she has a cocky personality, she banters with Marina on TV, but not only is this very clearly only playful banter with no ill intent behind it, but Marina also banters back at Pearl? If anything, Splatoon 2 went really far out of its way to show how passionate Pearl is about Marina- that's what the entire final fest of Splatoon 2 was about.

There are a lot of ways I could interpret this in poor faith, it reads very poorly to say you prefer the Pretty Smiley Cute beta pearl over the Pearl we got, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt- even so, however, the way you just sort of flagrantly reject Pearl's development in Octo Expansion is really lame. Like, Octo Expansion was the main thing that characterized Pearl and Marina- like, you saw Pearl bantering with Marina on TV, got mad, and refused to accept her actual identity and personality when it was shown to you in Octo Expansion. I'm also confused as to how you have such a generous reading of Marina if Octo Expansion doesn't count, since, again, a lot of her character development also came from OE. I also have ZERO idea why you're discrediting Side Order when it expands on Marina's character so well- it kind of just sounds like you're discrediting it because it shows Pearl to be a good partner for Marina, which is a fact you inherently disagree with contrary to the canonical evidence shown to you.

Team Order should've won instead of Team Chaos

As someone who was on Team Order, I agree, but I also think that you suffer from what I, personally, feel spoils a lot of the splatoon fandom, which is an overemphasis on the results of splatfests.

I think it's very clear that the intent of the final splatfest was to take either result into account from the getgo- saying that the devs wanted something else and simply were strongarmed into Chaos is putting a LOT of words into their mouths- I'm someone who has very negative feelings on Splatoon 3, but none of the many problems Splatoon 3 has have anything to do with Chaos winning over Order.

Frankly, if you hate Pearl so much, I feel like you should be thankful that Order lost, since we got Side Order, which revolves around Marina, rather than getting some sort of Chaos themed DLC that revolves around Pearl.

I also think that you're crazy if you believe that Chaos won because it was Pearl's team. You do realize Pearl is the less popular of the two, right? By a pretty significant margin? It's very apparent that people simply preferred the idea of a chaotic apocalypse over an order-based dystopia. And, again, I say that as somebody who preferred an order-based dystopia.

A part of the problem I have with many splatoon fans is that they take splatfests too seriously, and that's pretty clearly a core problem you have. You put an immense importance on the splatfests and seem to believe that the devs do as well, when frankly it's quite clear that they don't. Even for the case of the final splatfests, it's true that they have an impact on the theme and plot of the next game, but you seem to be under the impression that because past won that we will literally be going into the past, which is very clearly not what's going to happen. The world didn't become a mad max post-apocalypse because Chaos won, nor would it have become a Cyberpunk dystopia if Order won, they just influence the framework with which the devs build the next game around. The devs aren't being forced to do anything.

Antagonism against Splatoon 3 Marina

Now this I really don't get. I honestly don't think you actually like Marina if you think that Splatoon 3 represents her poorly. Like... I'm genuinely fascinated with you. Please, do respond to me and tell me what you actually dislike about Side Order. Is it literally just that Marina likes Pearl? It's frankly really lame that you only seem to care about Marina's relationship status rather than how she's actually represented, but by all means feel free to prove me wrong and tell me what Side Order does to misrepresent her, I'm all ears.

Marina didn't get what she rightfully deserved (winning the final fest)

This is another point that fascinates me. You do realize that the final fest, in-universe, is just a big game, right? Like, the fate of the world wasn't actually decided there, Marina wasn't gonna get anything if she won. Marina wants things to stay as they are, that's why she was sad that she lost, but Pearl immediately said that she had no intention of changing the fact that the two of them are together, and that she intends to change things for the better and amplify Marina's voice even more. Which she did!

Really, if anything, you're sounding like the perfect embodiment of why I dislike splatoon 3 fans- you don't seem to actually understand the plot of Splatoon and you're deluded into believing that splatfests are THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT ON EARTH. And also that your favorite character is the best and every other character is cancer.

I wanted team past to win for Real Reasons and not Stupid Reasons

Yeah and I wanted Team Present to win because WE GET LORE ABOUT THE PAST IN EVERY FUCKING GAME. Do you think we wouldn't get lore about octarians if Past DIDN'T win? If anything it just means we're going to get more lore about that stupid tyrant Octavio and not about Marina.

That being said, I'm not stressed about my team losing because I have confidence in the splatoon devs to take the story in the right place. Splatoon 3 has a lot of flaws, but I believe it's largely from a tremendous amount of crunch in having to squeeze Splatoon 3's lifespan of two years onto the Switch before its successor came out. Despite my distaste for Chaos as a theme, the Splatlands handle it very well- similarly, despite my distaste for the past as a theme, I imagine it will be handled well, and my worries are misplaced.

beta!pearl x marina is the true pearlina experience

I'm going to be entirely honest with you, this exclusively reads as "I hate women who aren't tall and slender and stand around and smile and look pretty" because beta pearl is not a character. There genuinely just isn't any alternate explanation. You see canonical pearl as some sort of vile little troll because *GASP* she's a woman who doesn't align with traditional beauty standards and *GASP* has a cocky attitude! I honestly think that I hate you, anon. Perhaps that's unfair, but you're the exact definition of the kind of Splatoon fan I hate- someone who flagrantly ignores canon because they believe their headcanon is superior, when their headcanon is just "the characters are more normal and socially acceptable to me".

If you wanna prove me wrong, I implore you to actually explain all of the things Pearl "did" aside from being a thoughtful partner to Marina and doing everything in her power to give her the biggest platform she can and give her a mansion to live in and share her infinite money with her. Please, tell me how she is in any way a bad person.

[magicxc]

Hills and Valleys

Synopsis: Legend has it that Halloween is strictly for the scares. With ghouls and goblins, vampires and werewolves, witches and broomsticks, who could disagree?

However, all this friend group wanted was a little trick or treat. Sprinkle in a few party favors, loud music, and a cabin in the woods, the myth was bound to come true. 

Lurking around the corner is danger like never before, eager to bring this night to a bloody finish. 

So join these friends as they fight to make it through a Halloween they’ll never forget, proving that "the scare" is more than just a fantasy.

Word Count: 2640

Warnings: gut punch....right in the feels, lots of blood this chapter

Chapter 4 - Stephanie’s POV

Series Masterlist

“Shut up, all of you,” Jason yelped. “Every minute we spend here is a minute more that sick freak has the upper hand, possibly plotting. 

“And unless one of you can squeeze through those bars, the only way we’re getting out of here is through that door,” Em chimed in.

“Lorenzo, think man, does your family keep a spare key anywhere around here?”

“Uhh ye- yeah, I think so. Hell if I know where it could be at this point Jason.”

“Where is it usually?” Em asks. 

“By a rack near the back door.”

“There were no keys when I checked back there,” Jason pointed out. “Fuck, we need to get moving NOW.

Honestly the only thing I feel is pure, white, hot rage pulsing through my veins right now.  My anger has seen many people on the receiving end of my quick witted insults, and Lenny was no exception tonight - though I have to make a mental note to apologise later. Clearly I'm not level headed, even on a good day, and this high stress situation is only making it worse. Im not the friend for logical thinking, Im the friend that fucks shit up; so I murmur a quick thank you to the military man for rounding us altogether and making things a little more seamless. 

Quick to dish out orders, he directs Lenny to the master bedroom to try and get some signal, Em to the second bedroom, himself to the kitchen and living room, me to the bathroom and any miscellaneous closet doors, while Lynn works on picking the deadlock. 

I all but race to the bathroom, flicking on the light switch to get an idea of exactly what can help us in here. 

Rummaging through the cabinet for anything sharp, I can’t even remember what it is that I’m supposed to be looking for - my mind aimlessly wondering about while my body ransacks this poor bathroom. 

Pill bottles flying in the air, creams toppled over, and shower curtains screeching open, it’s only until my fist lands against the wall does it dawn on me that all I’ve done is trashed the damn place. 

One of my best friends is lying face down in a watery grave and I can't even keep it together long enough to do something about it; it’s pathetic really. 

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been unfazed, anger rearing its ugly head in place of the rest of my emotions. And this time is no different. There's a literal animal out there hunting people down and I'm supposed to what, sit down and cry about it? No, that can come later. Just this once, I’d like to help my friends out the same way they’ve helped me. My walls have been crumbling since the day they walked into my life, so the very least I can do is find us a way out of here. 

Head planted against the bathroom wall, I take a couple deep breaths in and slowly blow them out, repeating this a few more times. I'm no good to anyone in a state of fury but I’ll be damned if five people cant find a way out of a fucking house - what type of looney toons shit is that. 

Sliding my fist down the wall and at my side, I take a careful look around for something that could help us open up the door, keys be damned at this point. 

Is ammonia strong enough to melt the bars, I think to myself. Shaking my head, I put it back, noting that all I'd do is suffocate us. Taking on another search of the room, I come across more cleaning solutions, soaps, and tissue boxes of sorts. 

Fingertips drumming against the counter tops, I try to think of a way to freedom with a tube of toothpaste - throwing it in the trash bin when I come up empty. 

Frustration threatens to rise once more and for the sake of it, I march toward the tub just to make sure every base is covered, stopping dead in my tracks as I hit what feels to be a goldmine. There’s a small window in the wall of the tub, bar-free and screaming out to me. How didn’t I see it before is beyond me, but now isn’t the time for questions. 

Lips curling upward, I muster up a small smile at my new revelation and get inside to check it out. 

Stepping in the tub, I notice that it’s a bit smaller up close, somewhere around 24x18 if I had to guess. Hands gliding across the smooth panel, I reach for the latch and pull it across to see if it’ll open. 

Eyes crinkling at the corners I almost let out a happy dance right then and there; small bits of breeze whipping against my clammy skin in newfound hope. 

Sizing up the window, I edge closer to the pane, standing on tippy toes to assess the outside. From the angle of the house, the bathroom lines up with the kitchen which is right out of view of the front yard. So, if whoever hurt Julez is still lurking around, they’re more than likely focused on the front and back doors, giving us somewhat of an element of surprise.  

Dammit, all those leaves on the ground are sure to give it away though, I sigh. There’s nothing that cuts through the quiet quite like that.

Maybe we can form a bit of a distraction, I think. Have Lynn and Jason make lots of commotion at the front door while two or three of us sneak out the window. 

And then there’s the height, another thought creeps in. This window is shoulder length at best so whoever climbs through will more than likely need a boost. And not to mention the small size. It’s not ideal for the average person to squeeze through. 

"Ahhhh fuck," I screamed; palm slamming against the damp wall. 

It's like we take two steps forward and four steps back with this shit. And the lake house? Lenny’s parents are gonna have to see me personally once we get out of here cause what the actual hell is the point of barricading oneself inside like this? Even though Lynn was dead ass wrong, it does make you wonder what exactly went on in here. 

Fuck it, I didn't just find possibly the only way out of the house just to squander this opportunity. Someone is gonna fit through this window and get us the hell out of here come hell or high water - and just to be clear, I am the hell AND the high water. 

So first things first, none of the guys broad shoulders stand a chance of getting through there. Lynn is on the thicker side of things, so that leaves me and Em. It’ll still be a tight squeeze, but I think we could make it work. 

"I’ve never been more grateful for a flat ass till now," I mumbled. 

Lenny will give us a boost, we’ll climb through, start the car, and drive til we get enough cell signal to call the police. Ohhh, we should also grab a knife or something just to be safe. 

Digging into my pockets, jaws clenched in concentration, my fingers slither over everything from gum to lip gloss, until it finally slithers over that familiar bumpy texture. 

Blowing out a breath of relief, I fish the spray out of my pockets and mouth a thanks to the heavens for having this with me. Pepper gel: my bestest friend of all, especially on late nights when I have to walk back to my car after a double shift. 

“Yessss, at least this’ll buy us enough time and space away from that freak if we come across them,” I murmured. 

It seems all my boxes are checked off, so I close the window, lock it back, and get ready to tell the group my grand plan. Whew, I'm just itching at the idea of this night finally coming to an end. Shit, who knows the kind of people we’ll be once this is all over.

Will we grow closer or will this night show us that somehow our friend group isn’t strong enough to withstand all this crap. Maybe for once I won’t have to spend my days apologising to everyone, but can actively work on keeping us together. That sick fuck may have taken out one of us, but I’ll be damned if I let them be the reason we separate. These people, my friends- no my family is what I look forward to when I picture my life old and gray, so I need us to get through this crappy night in one piece. 

Turning on my heels, I make my way toward the edge of the bathtub, one leg halfway over until the person at the door stops me in my tracks. 

“Geeze, you scared me,” I sighed, hands clutching my chest. “I never really pegged you for such a quiet walker. 

Stepping out of the tub entirely, I continue to the door, arms flailing in the air as I go on to lay out the plan. 

“Now, here’s where you come in -“

My words get cut off by the swift motion. I see it before I feel it and by the time my body has a chance to catch up to what's going on, blood starts gushing from my neck; my nervous system finally registering how sharp the pain is. 

Dropping to my knees, a voiceless scream tears through my throat; pathetic gasping the only sound I can muster up as my hands fly to my neck to stop the never ending downpour. 

The pain is excruciating and the blood oozes through my fingers quicker than I can stop it. My head feels dizzier by the minute and the grip on my wound loosens by the second. 

Eye contact between us two never cease and I see a hint of a smile threaten to creep up, washed away by the stumbling on the staircase. They dash out of the door, closing it behind them while I sink further into the tiled floor; fear putting me in a metaphorical chokehold as I put myself into a literal one. 

I hear Lenny’s booming footsteps burst through what feels like every door but mine; panic sourcing through me as I now feel cold sweat line my forehead. 

He finally pops in, that goofy grin instantly dropping once he takes in the scene. 

Disheveled, Lenny combs his hands through his hair, a big indicator of when he feels most stressed. And I would be too, but motherfucker I’m on the floor, help me dammit - is what I really want to say, though it doesn’t quite come out the way I intend it to. 

Rushing over to me, Lenny starts shouting but I can barely stay tuned; my body threatening to dip out of consciousness. 

“Oh shit, oh shit, shit,” he hissed. “Steph it’s gonna be alright, I just need you to hold on for a minute.”

There’s a thick, course cloth that wraps around me, and I feel like a baby being swaddled. The warmth that runs down my body soothes it from the chilly air and all I want to do is take a nap, wrapped in Lenny’s strong arms; if only to relieve myself from the hangover that’s sure to come. The blanket feels a little too tight and thankfully I don’t have to tell him to loosen it. 

“AYEEEEEEEEE,” he screeched. “YOU GUYS GET IN HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.”

Eyes steadily closing, sleep seems like the best course of action right now. All I need is a little break. Just a quick nap and then we can find a way out of here. 

“Steph, baby talk to me,” he shakes me. “Who did this to you?”

It’s the horde of screaming that annoys me most of all. Can’t they see I’m trying to sleep? 

Head slumped to the side, I see everyone gathered by the doorway, terror etched onto each face but one. That motherfucking bitch. 

They did this. Fuck the window and the plan, Lenny the person you need to worry about is right in front of you. At least that’s what I’d like to think I said. 

Holding me tighter in his arms Lenny shushes me, rocking us back and forth, desperately urging me to save my voice and energy until we can get some help.

This is it isn’t it? The look on everyone's face says it; or hopes for it. There’s nothing about the chilling screams and the panicked pacing that brings me comfort. This right here is where my story ends. I'm decades away from the gray life I imagined I’d live out, tears brimming over at the idea. 

Feet splashing through the blood and plopping beside me, it's Lynn whose voice I manage to make out; she and Lenny drowned out by my loud heartbeats. 

“I don’t fucking know Lynn, for goodness sake make yourself useful.”

“Both of you shut up,” Jason barks. “Dude tell me you got enough service to get us some hel- to get Steph some help.”

Wrapped tightly in Lennys arms, I feel myself losing the battle with consciousness. I’ve lost probably about half my blood, the room is spinning and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m on the bathroom floor. 

Eyes darting around the room, they land on the culprit and the salty tears flow freely. Mustering up the last bit of energy I have left, I manage to point my index finger, as best I can, at the perpetrator. 

Get that mother fucker and get the hell out of dodge is what I try to say, but all that comes out is this wet, gurgled plea for help. Between the rocking and the chaos, no one notices my last ditch effort and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. 

I’m scared, fuck I’m so scared. There’s this saying that goes something along the lines of one day we all went outside and played with our neighborhood friends for what we didn’t realise would be the last time. Who would’ve thought the same would apply here?!

Who would’ve thought this would be our last ever party. My last time promising to be back home before the sun rises to my dad. The last time Lenny and I would banter for the sake of it. The last time Em and I bonded over similar tastes. Or the last time we’d tease Lynn about her endless boyfriends. Had I known this would be the last time I’d see Julez, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter. 

This friend group has been all that and more for me. They’re literally the siblings I’ve never had. They’ve accepted me wholly and at the same time made me more considerate. They’ve been my literal shoulders to cry on and have seen me through every emotion there is. So why can’t they see me point this motherfucker out? Please! Let me at least do this one last thing for y’all. Please, don't let this final attempt be in vain.

Tears stopping and blood slowing, my muscles slacken while my lips manage one final, small smile; hoping that in the future they’ll at least pour one out for the homie once they make it out of here safely. 

Although this was no doubt painful, I hope what awaits me on the other side feels much similar to being carried to your bedroom when you were a child and fell asleep on the couch during a family party; hoping most of all that I can still hear the laughter and the noise from the next room.

[moondeer1616]

Vent

It's your birthday today. I would've wished you happy birthday but I know you don't want to hear anything from me. After all you didn't wish me a happy birthday either. It doesn't really matter either way. I still don't understand and hate a lot of things you did. I did shitty and annoying things but at least i didnt go out of my way to do most of them. Im not the one that reposted tiktoks that heavily implied that you were talking shit about me behind my back. I'm not the one that lied and said "it wasn't the end" of our friendship. And im not the one that went out of their way to text my shitty abusive birth giver in a civil way after you stopped talking to me knowing damn well all the horrible shit she's done, including threatening you and your family and scaring you guys in person??? Like what the actual fuck. Honestly thats what i get for loving someone. Thats what i get for trying to be a good person and love someone unconditionally. What-fucking-ever. It doesnt even matter anymore. I'm just so tired of life. I'm tired of having shit after shit after shitty days. I'm sick of feeling depressed and lonely. I always genuinely try to be kind and honest and caring but nobody appreciates it. If anything all it does is make them see me like a pathetic little child that deserves pity. Apparently showing affection and care for the ones you love is "corny" and cringey now. I'm sick of being treated like a stupid fucking child. I'm sick of nobody bothering to start a genuine conversation with me or bothering to ask why I am the way that I am. Im sick of being ignored everywhere i go and being treated like a ghost and at the same time being laughed at and made fun of. Even when I try to have good and happy days they're always ruined. The other day I just wanted to buy some clothes and feel good about myself and enjoy some time out but of course i had to be rushed by my stupid piece of shit fucking family and i didnt even get to enjoy whatever garbage i got. Then they all went to eat without me and then my birth giver proceeded to bang on the car aggressively because of my brothers shitty driving skills. Because yeah its totally okay to let a minor drive with no license in your car and then spaz out when he inevitably makes mistakes. But whenever i wanted to drive all of a sudden im not allowed. I dont even fucking care about driving. I just wanted to enjoy my life. I just wanted to have a family and genuine friends that bother to ask about my well being and show me love whenever they get the chance. But i know im fucking stupid for wanting those things. Nobody cares about me and nobody ever will. I always tell myself at the end of each day that I don't deserve to live and I should've just died. What's the point of moving on in life. There's no future where im happy. I'm going to be alone and unloved until the day I die and nothing will ever change that.

[elclassicohater]

kill yourself. now. im not asking im telling.

no fr tho u should. its pretty easy too, you can go to your local parking garage and throw yourself off it.

you can take a kitchen knife and slit your wrists, or your inner elbow. actually.. cut both. deep too.

or you can stand on some train tracks, drink a gallon of bleach, douse yourself in kerosene and light yourself on fire, blow ur brains out, stab yourself through your heart, steal a car and drive off a VERY tall cliff, honestly the options are endless.

you really should just end ur life :D

now some words of encouragement, you get no bitches, your worthless, the people you hang out with all hate you. your parents are extremely dissapointed in you, if you have no parents its because they hated you so much they didnt wanna take care of you. everything you do is abolute shit, even if you think youre doing good youre not. you make half decent people- no even QUARTER decent people wanna take you to an abandoned building tie you to a chair and take a butcher knife to your stomach and disembowel you, skin you alive, rip out your eyes, and yank out each and every one of your teeth. I bet you get some kind of sick pleasure for hating on people on the internet some, fucked up power dynamic, well, i bet you also get hard off people telling you to kill yourself because we all know youre just a big baby masochist isnt that right bumbleooo? yeah isnt it? yeah you worthless, pathetic, waste of space. I hope you drop everyone in your life because you are an Infectious disease that preys on good people, dragging them dewn to your miserable way of life, and if you have no friends GOOD cuz you dont deserve anything that makes you remotely happy, I bet youre not even gonna read this whole thing because youre too weak and stupid to get through It all,the amount of people in your day-to-day life plotting to hurt and kill you is beyond comprehensien, yes, even people you breifly cross paths with on the street, you're so horrible that people you dont even knew INCLUDING me want you to kill yourself, but I bet youre happy getting this amount of attention isnt that right? you act like a dickhead because nobody loves you, and I get that but honestly ! dont care, youve been messing with people whe never fucking deserved it. and yes, Im also being completely horrible I knew, and im not even sorry because you deserve to hear this you deserve to know how horrible you are, because its just the truth everyone deserves to hear the truth, especially fucking bigots like you.

actually am kind of sorry, sorry for you and the fact you think it's okay to act like this, sorry that I had to say this, and sorry for everyone whos ever had the pain of interacting with you. hating on people just being happy and making up silly little things on the internet, or hating on people who are going thru horrible, horrible, things and venting about it, is fucked up, even my 11yr old sister and i

(13) know what you do is fucking awful, kys you worthless, pathetic, stupid, vile, ugly, sick, maggot. <3333

hope you listen to me if u dont u have no balls <3333

(just gonna keep spamming this lollll)

Damn bro

You don't need to talk about yourself that way 😐

[writing-in-april]

Tiny Vessels

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Spencer’s POV)

Summary: Spencer is done trying to lie to himself about his true feelings in his relationship, but not done lying to Reader.

A/N: IM BACK!!! So as y’all know I got really sick towards the end of my 30 fics in 30 days event- I’m still going to release the last few fics I missed (and we’re all just gonna pretend it’s still April 😂) this one was requested by @zhuzhubii it’s actually my second song fic and is based on the song tiny vessels. I’m actually super proud of this one and I’m happy to get back into the swing of things with writing 🥰 Also my 1500 follower celebration will likely wait until I finish up the backlog of fics so I don’t overwhelm myself! Feel free to leave me an ask here (I promise I don’t bite) Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Toxic relationship, Lying about feelings and intentions, Brief illusions to sex, Using someone only for their body

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.3k

The moment I knew, had been a long time coming. It had been just after post coital bliss had faded around me, reality creeping in on the sides as it tried to take hold of me. It had been trying to tell me something, something I had denied for so long. No amount of tossing and turning would banish the slowly creeping in thoughts that attempted to plague my mind. If I had turned and tossed anymore, my partner right beside me would ask what was wrong, and I knew I couldn’t answer it. At least I couldn’t answer it honestly without tearing down what we had built up for ourselves. I never had much that I say I built myself, and even though the foundation was about to cave in, I wouldn’t take the sledgehammer to it myself.

I remember when I told them the first time I told them ‘I love you’. It had been an almost identical situation to where we were now. Two people, naked underneath the sheets, so close physically yet so far emotionally, though I covered that up with my honeyed words of promise.

I always wanted to believe the words I spoke to them, the promises I gave them. Each time I choked out the words, dripping in sentiment and sap I tricked them, and myself into believing them.

Unlike my counterpart I couldn’t fully escape into ignorant bliss. They didn’t know, but I knew deep down everytime I burst open their door after coming home from a rough case. We moved through the dark almost every time, as it was the only time I was available, and it hid my pained expressions pretty well.

All the friends I was telling about our relationship were even convinced too, though I could see a sneaking suspicion crop up in Emily’s eyes every once and a while when I mentioned them. I didn’t tell them the reality, the one that I avoided myself.

It was all for the flesh, nothing of substance lurked underneath, at least for me. Every bite I gave them left a mark, tiny vessels able to be seen creeping up on their skin even in the dark. I claimed them even if I didn’t let them be mine; they could never claim me. They had said they didn’t want those marks to fade, but they inevitably did, showing how hollow my words had been before I nipped at their skin. Once I realized how they faded, how non committed the marks were on their skin, I faded too. I still indulged in the pleasures they freely wanted to give me, but I let my words remain hollow, accepting their meaning without admitting it out loud.

And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

Their beauty was unparalleled, it always had been to me. Time and realization had not changed that thought in my mind, though I had lied to myself about the depth of those thoughts. Every brushed touch against their body sent me into a blaze, though it took too long for me to admit that that was the only thing about them I thought about at night.

Their giggle did not make my chest feel light, and our conversations that edged on deep discussions only stimulated my mind because I forced it. Their moans and the softness of their skin were what made me call them at the dead of night, masking it by saying ‘I missed you’. I would then inevitably pivot away from talking about our feelings so I could hear their moans through the speaker of my old phone I only kept around for work, and to call them.

All I see are dark grey clouds now, ruining whatever utopia I had crafted in my mind once I had come to conclude what my real feelings were. If I was honest with myself, it had been lingering at the back of my mind for months now. By now the lie was too hard to escape, and their body felt too good underneath me to let go.

It was vile, and it was cheap of me to trick them for so long into believing that the words whispered into their skin in the dead of night held any true emotion. A kiss on their bare shoulder with a soft rasp of how much they meant to me. Kisses that had been given along the slopes of their pretty face with little whispers of ‘I love you’ in between before I had met their lips with mine.

Another kiss, the last one placed on their forehead given to them after I had promised to bring them the world. And they were all vile, and cheap lies.

Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

My thoughts swirled as I continued to stare at them, boring holes into their skin just from my gaze. Guilt nipped at my heels each time another harsh reality tried to slap me across the face, trying to get me to stop trapping them in something I already knew was hollow at its core. Denial was easy when no one else was calling me out for it; something in me almost wanted them to say it, to leave so I would be able to stop living this pathetic lie.

At some point they had sensed my eyes on their body, then looking over at me. Their lips turned downward into a frown, probably after successfully reading the expression on my face. Normally whenever I fixed my gaze on them it was out of admiration, unfortunately if I was going to be honest with myself, it was never because of what lies beneath. I couldn’t force myself to look any deeper than their body.

Too bad being a profiler hadn’t given me the ability to be a good liar, and I wondered if they had figured out long ago that my promises intermingled with kisses were a thinly veiled lie. Maybe they were lying to themselves still.

In the distance, my guilt moved closer every hour.

It would soon swallow me up whole, consuming me when they asked a simple question, “Is something wrong?”

My breath got caught up tight in my chest, my shame welling up so high up it stole my voice for a moment. In the moment that passed, they cocked their head to the side in question innocently. It was almost as if they were mocking the feelings eating at me, showing me how much I was missing by not developing true feelings for them. Damn, right there’s something wrong, but I won’t speak it out loud to let you know.

I felt disgusted with myself, and all I could wonder is if they felt the same way as I did. Wondering did nothing to ease the guilt inside, even as I tried to justify what I was doing.

It would be easier in some regards to come clean about what I was doing, to face the guilt head on. I was a creature of habit however, and hiding in the corners of my mind was one of the things I did best.

So, no we won’t talk about it, because I wouldn’t tell them. I leaned forward to kiss them on the lips, another promise to never let them go that was filled with nothing but lies. The kiss seemed to banish any worry that they still held in the crease of their forehead, their head was now cocked to the side to slant their lips across mine instead.

It was our last kiss of the night, before they went back to their own apartment tonight. My hands roamed up their sides, mapping out every dip and curve with my fingers. It was what I really cherished about them, even if it did make me sick on the inside. Though, I didn’t feel sick enough to say anything more, and I let them go, both of us pretending that it was something more. And, the only reason we were allowed to pretend was because I would not divulge the true reason I gave them those tiny vessels on their neck.

Ask Me Anything

—-

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All works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @spenxerslut @boxofsparklingmuses @multixfandomwriter @takeyourleap-of-faith @sydneekomspacekru

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99 @princesssmooshie @peterpanouat @anaagraceeberr @ashcakes1918 @reid-me-a-story @cosmic-psychickitty @nomajdetective @go2sleepdummy

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey @princesssmooshie @peterpanouat

[cottoncandyjester]

What would be your OCs ideal "meet-cute"? Like how did they plan to meet their darling in a way that would attract them to the boys? Or did it happen by pure coincidence?

love the ask! Prepare for chaos cause I like seeing them struggle

Also omg you gave a request Im so happy I think you're so cool and i like seeing you on my notifications so please like and request more stuff if you want to ahhhh💖-

This story contains: talk of stalking, yandere behavior, talk of sex (sorry it's prince...sex is always on his mind)

Theodore

Oh he's smart

He knows exactly how he wants to set up

He first saw you in your favorite bakery and from then on it was a done deal

His five years of stalking you has paid off

He knows almost everything at this point

He wanted it to be romantic and something out of a romance movie

But- he's still a bit of a dummy at times and it didn't go exactly how he wanted it to

He's played this out in his head about 100 times, he has done everything he has to in order to get everything to work out in his favor, so why did this have to happen?

His plan was to walk in ten minutes before you did at the bakery, he would pretend to be unsure of what to get then once you walk in he waits exactly two minutes before asking what exactly you would get sounding as lost and clueless as possible

out of the kindness in your heart you will respond and he will charm his way to getting your number, even though he already has it. That was the plan but you never did show up to the bakery so he panicked and went to your house to look for you

Were you kidnapped? Sick? What was going on?! He has rushed to your place now right infront of the door only for it to swing open and for you to crash into him falling ontop of him, okay?

You were frazzled and flustered, you must have woken up late. He looked at you and felt his cheeks turning red as you scrambled up and he picked up his glasses

"i-im so sorry! I just crashed into you i didnt see you"

This wasn't exactly how he expected it but he can use this, sure it wasn't the same but it was alright he can work with this.

"ah, it's quite alright. Though I'm sorry to say but my ankle isn't doing so well"

"holy shit, I'm sorry! So you need help?!"

You helped him up and as theodore leaned on you slightly he shuddered at the scent of you, absolutely delicious.

"sorry, I'm so rude I'm theodore"

"I'm the rude one here, it's [y/n]. do you live around here or something? I feel responsible so let me help by getting you home"

Theodore smiled and adjusted his glasses as he faked the pain in his ankle, it was a little embarrassing having to pretend to be pathetic but his first plan flew out the window and this was all he had left

"live just down the road, thank you for such kindness"

He smiled and knew that he wormed his way into your life, sure it wasn't how he wanted but he was in no rush.

Hikaru

He has to be careful

He's famous after all

He has an image to maintain so he can't be all creepy and stalk you

He pays people to do that

He first saw you at one of his photoshoot sites and he just couldn't help but fall

He really honestly just wants to walk up to you and say hi

But a crowd of people would be on him I minutes so maybe not

He decided to wear a hat and mask

He honestly is so self centered he just wanted to say hi and expected you to swoon

Hikaru adjusted the mask now walking into the book store where he saw you walk into just moments before, plan was to casually find you and bump into you before revealing himself and next thing you know you are jumping into his arms!

So he did just that, walked into the book store, saw you and "accidentally" bumped into you causing the book in your hand to fall

"oh I'm sorry, how clumsy of me"

"no no it's fine! Accidents happen y'know?"

Hikaru smirks before pulling down his mask while picking up the book, his eyes shining with a charming gaze as he looked at you

"how about I make it up to you with some yummy food"

"oh! You're that model from the magazines!"

Yeah baby now come jump into-

"that's sweet but I'm good it's truly fine"

Excuse me bitch?

Hikaru felt his body twitch now fighting the urge to turn his charming grin into a harsh scowl, what the actual hell!? Do you not see how hot he is?! God why the fuck did he fall in love with such a dumbass?!

"o-oh well, how about I pay for your book? I like this book as well so it's only fair"

"you like 'elmo goes to wonderland?'"

Hikaru twitched once more as he glanced down at the book you had dropped and felt his eye twitch with annoyance, why were you buying this?!

"it's for my friend's sister if you were wondering, if you're still up for it let's have that food I want some red bean buns!"

Okay..so that worked?!

Hikaru didn't understand why him being a total idiot wooed you but okay?!

"names [y/n] by the way, I'll let my friend know that you love elmo I'm sure she has more books for you"

Your joke wasn't funny and hikaru now wanted to kiss and strangle you at the same damn time. He feels so embarrassed but at the same time happy.....but the real thing he's thinking is why the hell did I fall for this idiot?!

Prince

Okay so he really just wanted to get into your pants

Like really wanted to get in there

Until he started to stalk you and saw how you acted

That's when he fell for you

He has no idea how to court anyone so he has no idea what the hell to do

This was a whole different game that he didn't know how to play

You were different than the strippers and party loving people he hangs with

You two met out of pure fate

Your friends were forcing you to go out for your birthday to a bar

The bar he worked at

His heart was about to burst

He wanted to say hi soooo bad but your friends were flirting with him hard

He figured if he got them drunk they will pass out

So he did exactly that while leaving you tipsy

He's been bartending for a while so he knows how to do this kinda stuff

Once he strikes up a conversation with you he's so happy

"so, you don't exactly look like one of my normal customers"

"what exactly does your normal customers look like?"

Prince grinned at you as he fixed you another drink before placing it infront of you, giving you a sly wink

"nothing like you doll face, you're too cute and I've never seen your face trust me I would remember a face like yours"

He prayed to God his flirting works cause that's the only trick he's got. He watched you laugh as you took a sip of your drink and he knew he wanted to marry you on the spot

"smooth, but you'll have to try a little harder than that"

"alright well, what's your name?"

"[y/n], why whose askin?"

Prince flashed a huge grin as he leaned down his arms rested against the bar as he eyed you up and down.

"prince is the name, so ever wanted to get behind a bar before?"

"won't you get into trouble for that?"

"I won't tell if you won't"

Sexual tension was HIGH

Prince was ready!

then..you fell asleep

Damn it he got you too drunk, with a long sigh he leaned back now feeling the biggest blue balls in his entire life, he decided it was time to take you home so he did exactly that.

Getting into your place was far too easy and he reminded himself that when you two stsrt dating he has to tighten security around here, he laid you in the bed before placing a soft kiss onto your cheek and leaving but not before writing his phone number and name on a napkin and placing it on your nightstand

Axis

Okay so I've talked about how dumb axis is

But he is like...reallllyyyyy dumb

Poor boy was so excited when he first met you before falling in love

He met you at an art store

He needed help on picking the right color and you popped up

Your voice made him giggle and your smell made him drool

He was in LOVE!

He wanted to meet you again

So he showed up at that art shop every single day listening for your voice and hoping to smell that amazing scent

After six months of actively going he almost given up..until

"excuse me, where are the paint buckets?"

"oh! Right this way!"

Axis perked up as he heard footsteps and the soft scent filling his nose, you! It was you! It had to be you! You were here!

He slowly followed your scent hearing you talk to the worker before hearing the worker's footsteps vanish, he was panicked! Did he look okay?! Did his eyes look weird?! He made sure to wear his sunglasses but they weren't all too tinted..what if you see his weird fish eyes!

All this panicking made him start to shake and he soon heard a voice break him out of it

"excuse me, are you okay?"

He tensed up and snapped his attention onto that voice, that angel of a voice. That voice that could make him do anything it could ever want, you were infront of him and he loved it

"y-yeah! Sorry! I'm just panicking cause I don't know which paint to buy, being blind has its limits haha"

"oh, well I can help if you need?"

He gave an excited nod and you did exactly that just like you did six months ago, it was magical

"what do you need paint for?"

"oh I just moved into a new place"

You moved? He didn't know that, he doesn't know anything about you, he wants to know everything

"oh, well I'm an artist haha, weird yeah?"

"well I don't think it's that weird, it's actually really impressive"

Dontcrydontcrydontcry-

Axis held in every tear he could as he decided to ask the age old question, the question he wanted to know for six months

"what's your name?"

"oh! Sorry! It's [y/n]"

What a pretty name, a name he wanted to now write over and over again, when you asked his name he of course gave it to you before throwing an opportunity out there hoping you take it

"if you ever need help painting your house, I can help out trust me I'm awesome with a brush!"

"I would actually like that, when are you free?"

"now."

That's how he ended up in your home, and into your life.

Yuki

He literally just walked up and said hi

That's it

He saw you and was like "oh okay let's do this now"

He has no grace he doesn't usually plan things out he just goes and see how it works out

As a person who is a mute 80% of the time talking with you was a little awkward.

He gave off a lost puppy type vibe

Yuki usually would never come to an arcade, but he wanted to win the giant stuffed cat that they had at the prize booth it was so big that they simply had a picture of it..it would make a wonderful place to sleep on

It costed so many tickets though so he had put his entire paycheck into that card to hopefully win as much tickets as he could. That's when he met you, you were absolutely killing it on one of the zombie games and honestly it looked super cool

He walked up to the machine before swiping his card and picking up the player two gun, without a single word he started to play as well. The silence was awkward for sure but it was you who broke it

"wow you are actually pretty good, you play a lot?"

"nope."

His short one word answer made you think that he wasn't really wanting to talk so you were about to leave when he simply swiped his card in the player one slot before handing you the gun once more, with a grin you stepped back up and continued to play

You would ask him questions and get one word responses back or even just sounds filled with emotions, you quickly realized that he just was a man of few words

Yuki had been swiping his card for the both of you so when the time came that he was tapped out a look of shock filled him, he was about to go out more money in but it seemed like the store was closing

"well, I better g-"

You were cut off with him grabbing your hand and pulling you to the prize counter. You followed as he gave the worker the card and got exactly what he wanted...the softest, warmest, biggest plushie ever!

As he hugged it close he watched your eyes soften at the sight of it and you were in awe. He glanced at the plushie, then back at you, then back at the plushie

With that he handed the plushie to you watching your eyes grow big as you hesitantly reached out to it

"you're giving it to me?"

He nodded softly as he watched you hug it close

"are you sure?! This is the most expensive thing in the prize corner, I don't even think you can get another one! Are you re-"

"take. It."

You nodded and flashed him a huge grin before you watched him take out a pen and write on the plushie's tummy in big letters

'yuki: XXX-XX-XXXX'

"that's your name? Yuki..well yuki I'm [y/n]! I'll be sure to send lots of pictures of our new baby! Figured we can have joint custody hmm?"

Yuki have another nod as you both started to walk out, he didn't feel mentally exhausted when he was around you. You were definitely special and he wanted to know more.

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[nightglider124]

I am so tired.

So. It’s come to it. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head and I can’t express them enough so looks like we’re doing a big fat post which is fucking stupid anyway.

This whole Dickkory/Dickbabs darma... I’m seeing it in the tags and I’m just... why? I thought people were done with this pathetic ship war stuff. It’s so childish?

So, I’ve only really noticed an influx of this hatred since that anon went on a hate spree to dickkory fans’ inboxes. Otherwise, I don’t really notice anything between dickbabs and dickkory fans. 

Let’s be clear about this - That anon doesn’t represent the entirety of dickbabs fans; they really don’t. From the looks of it, they were just a bully and a troll, intent on causing some drama between the two ships. I doubt they’re even a dickbabs fan for real - and if they are, they are certainly not one that the fans would want to associate themselves with, I imagine.

In response to that, can we all stop the shitty back and forth? That anon (or in some cases not anon for those who were also aware of their username) is a nobody who honestly just wants to be a dick and doesn’t care about the fandom itself. If you’re a dickbabs fan and you’re sticking up for them and the things they have been saying to dickkory fans, you need to reevaluate. Likewise, if you’re a dickkory fan that has been lashing out at dickbabs fans for no other reason than being triggered by that pathetic anon, stop it.

Like chill the fuck out with all this abuse between the two ships; it’s so high school and irrelevant and exhausting. Just stop; don’t be children because it’s just embarrassing. That is to both sides of this.

Which leads me to the next thing - dickbabs and dickkory fans are no better or worse than the other. In both fandoms, you have the bad apples who are honestly just such assholes, even you dislike them. I can tell you right now, there are many dickkory fans in the past that I have blocked because they are so negative and atrocious - they’re just not worth being linked to. 

But, neither fan can turn round and say “my fandom is perfect; no one gives hate” because you’re either just not seeing it or you’re not being truthful. There are crappy, hateful fans in ever corner of fandom - any fandom. 

There will always be a few that ruin it for other fans who simply want to enjoy their ship without any abuse or drama. There will always be the hateful, nasty fans who like to try and tear down their “rival” ship and make the fandom look bad. 

It’s not an individual thing so can we please not act like it is? Dickbabs fans need to stop coming for dickkory fans saying we’re all toxic and vice versa; dickkory fans need to remember that dickbabs fans are not these demons - they are just fans trying to enjoy their ship. 

Everyone just leave each other alone if you don’t have nice things to say.

Just be happy with what you have - Dickkory is clearly a thing going on in Titans and some other forms of media. Dickbabs is going on YJ - Let each other have the media forms. Like, who cares? Just be happy with the content you get - don’t be spiteful and angry and pathetic towards fans who are happy to have their ship in something, regardless of who has had more or whatever. 

The thing I have seen a lot of is this slut shaming as well which isn’t cool. This whole hate on Kory as a character is just not acceptable. Whether you dislike her or not, stay out of Kory related tags and stay away from the actress portraying her in Titans. If you’re sending hate to Anna Diop, you are just such a shitty person. The woman is doing her job; leave her the fuck alone. 

Just because you don’t like the character or you don’t like who has been chosen to play her, does not give you the right to be sending threats and racial slurs towards the actress. I thought that was basic human principals but I guess some are still in the baby stages of learning that one; y’know, how to respect others around them. 

Likewise, I’ve seen some dickkory fans bashing on Babs as a character as well which isn’t fair either. Babs is a wonderful character in her own right and if you don’t like her or you hate on her solely because you dislike dickbabs; get in the damn corner and take a time out. I’m not a huge fangirl of Babs; not for a particular reason, I’m just neither here nor there for her. 

But, you don’t see me going to posts and fanart and fanfics and fans’ inboxes, giving them shit just for liking the character. Each to their own on who they like, who they ship, who they don’t like but stop trying to shove it down other fans’ throats. 

Do not push your opinions and thoughts on characters and ships on people who are fans of what you hate. It’s not fair and honestly just makes you a douchebag. 

A big rule in fandoms which... I really thought some people would have learned by this point - if you don’t like something, scroll past it or blacklist it. If you don’t like a user on this site/fandom or they post stuff you don’t like? That block button is there for a reason. Keep the negative stuff away from your dashboard. 

Don’t start giving people hate and making drama and just being unpleasant when all you need to do it blacklist or block. It’s not difficult. 

The same goes for - if you’re making a hate post or if you’re stating how you don’t like “X ship” - for the love of God, don’t tag it. Don’t be that person. Please.

If you tag stuff that you know if gonna piss off a fan, then you get no sympathy when they come stomping through. You are clearly provoking them with that.

Don’t tag bullshit and don’t do it when you know fans go to the tags to enjoy their ship; not to see it be torn down or spat on. 

Just be respectful and nice?? I don’t know why the select few fans on both sides of Dickkory and Dickbabs find that so damn hard? It’s not.

Both ships are valid and wonderful - accept and embrace this; please. And move on.

I am so sick of seeing spitefulness to each other when at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to enjoy out fictional characters and our ships. No one should be getting harassed or abused over something like that.

Fandom world, for most is supposed to be a haven and people who give shit and hate and make unnecessary drama are the ones who ruin the haven.

I can’t believe I actually have to reiterate to just be nice? It’s a basic human concept. Be nice to others and be respectful of things that whilst you might not like, others do. Accept and move on.

I feel like I’ve been fair in this little rant so if I get hate on either side lmao, I will be either deleting or giving you blunt af replies bc honestly I am so done with childish arguments. 

[totally-totty]

[gayspock]

dont rb, dont rply

i dont know im just. feeling so increasingly paranoid of stuff right now and yknow when reality just DISSOLVES in your hands like by god do i love being curled up in this room alone because im too Afraid to even go outsideof it during the day bc my Parents are there and im frightened of havin to face hem and i can Act like its gucci all i want but the thought of going outside rn has me quaking and feeling sick and i don want to find outt about how i failed everything and have my family scream at me even more fo rbeing uch a fucking fuck up and a disappointment but god i cant even SAY shit back bc theyre highkey fucking iright i cant do fuckn anything right not even the things ii like and enjoy i jsut BUNGLE it all and LORDT i don kknow fucking know i just feel so trapped here sdfihsp9fjspffjd  and AGAIN with that SStupit loneliness really  woweee its just the Reminder of how fuckn Disposal you are that REALLY gets ya like when u leave and remember the only ppl who ever talked to u were bc they needed someone to fill up Time and its fine its fine i cant get mad at ppl for that and i shouldnt cry so hard about it but Gee  it hurts when the only constant there ever is is getting left behind over and over again and  i dont know why im so god damn fucking annoying i don know wh y bc i do try  and yknow when u just gi ve up and curl up and die inside over how Worthless u are bc like. nobody wants u nobody ever wants u and it Sounds fuckn pathetic to fuckinssdv09sjdf0dsj but its TRUE like at the end of the day ur just kind of the spare part that no ones gonna give a sht about and ur Alone  and hiding in a bedroom incapable of donig antthing but getting in rthe way and i dont know im tryi ng i k eep trying to be better but god it f eels like ssuch a fucking lost cause because despite it all it honestly just eels like everything gets worse every day but im just suppressing it like CRAZY again and MAN i dont evehn CARE

[mittensmorgul]

The thought of Dean stumbling around drunk in the streets (or worse, driving home in that condition) makes me so sad. I mean the whole scenario does; he's 40, so drunk he can't get to the bed, found passed out with a bra wrapped around him and a whiskey bottle. I mean yeesh:-(

Yeah... we know the Clam Diver was “just outside” the town, which implies driving distance and not drunken stumbling distance. If Dean was so drunk that he couldn’t even make himself land on the bed and looked like he was lucky he managed to hit the floor... I mean, he got one shoe off and used it as a pillow.

If he was really that drunk, the bar wouldn’t have let him drive home. They would’ve called him a cab. Not to mention, aside from his tie headband and his shoe pillow, the rest of him looked relatively well put together (buttons buttoned neatly, coat on properly, etc.).

And did he really walk around the rest of the night wearing a pretty pink bra around his neck? Did he wear it to the liquor store where he bought that bottle? Did he wear it walking through the hotel? Because he was too drunk to care about his appearance in a town where he was pretending to be an FBI agent for a case where one boy was missing and another had been rendered mute by his experience?

And if Dean was really so drunk that he didn’t care about any of that, how did he end up in that spot on the floor without waking Sam up? Opening the door in the middle of the night, so drunk that he could barely stand up (and couldn’t even make it to the bed), and yet not so drunk that his stumbling and fumbling woke Sam up? 

(here’s the embiggened version)

He was apparently messing with the TV remote as well? How? I mean... how did none of this apparent fumbling around the room not wake Sam up?

It’s like Dean was just tired of Sam pushing at him to just be “okay” again. Because Sam wasn’t really pushing Dean to be okay, he was pushing Dean to perform a specific version of Dean. Not because it would make Dean feel better, but because it would make Sam feel better about how Dean is coping.

Dean: I'm fine.Sam: Look, you're not, Dean. You said you don't believe in anything, and -- and that's not true, that's not you. You do believe in things, you believe in people. That's who you are, that's what you do. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to help.Dean: Okay. Look, I've been down this road before and I fought my way back, I will fight my way back again.Sam: How?Dean: Same way I always do: bullets, bacon, and booze. A lot of booze.

That’s what Sam needed Dean to be, to perform for him. To believe in something again, because yeah, Dean believes in people. He said it in 12.23:

DEAN: Yeah. You know, Cas has faith in this kid.SAM: Mm.DEAN: I hope he's right. But me? I have faith in us. You, me, Mom, Cas. And Crowley. Sometimes.

But within an hour of that, 3/5 of the people Dean believed in were gone. And Sam’s now insisting that Dean just magically be okay with that, just let that go and just transfer all of that belief over to Jack, who Dean directly blames for the loss of the 3/5 people he believed in... 

And now that giving Dean the “mission” to help teach Jack (with the hope that Jack might eventually be able to open the rift to fetch Mary again) has failed to help snap Dean out of his funk, Sam is desperate to at least get Dean performing the motions that used to signal his unhealthy coping skills.

Heartily pushing a beer on Dean at breakfast when he just wanted a sandwich, tolerating his music instead of complaining about it, ordering him food he’d normally complain about Dean eating, reading online reviews of a strip club to recommend it to Dean when he typically avoids strip clubs himself, buying Dean hair of the dog. It’s annoying to Dean, but after his display in the motel room, when Sam hands him that bottle, he forgives Sam.

What does he forgive him for? For pushing him to just be okay when he just wanted to be left to grieve in his own way.

Notice Sam doesn’t push him again after that.

Notice also that Dean never drank either breakfast beer.

Sam: You okay?Dean: No. Sam I'm not okay, I'm pretty far from okay. You know my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost. Whether it was Dad or Bobby or... and I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas and I -- I don't know. I don't know.Sam: So you don't believe anymore.Dean: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Exactly the mental state Dean had diagnosed Cas with in 12.19. In the past, he’d still had Sam to believe in, the two of them against the world. Just fighting for Sam isn’t enough for him anymore. Something is different this time, and Dean doesn’t feel like he should have to perform the emotional labor to keep up a false front of coping for Sam anymore.

Like twig!Tasha told him in 12.20:

TASHA: Yeah. Family's always complicated. Parents always see smart and strong and perfect. It's only when you grow up that you realize that they're just people.

Sam is finally seeing that Dean is just a person. Not that Sam had ever had illusions about Dean being perfect or whatever, but that act of always believing they could push through anything and come out the other side again isn’t the truth, and has never fully been the truth.

Heck, I’m watching 1.09 in the background while I write this up. And it wasn’t even the truth way back then... Dean kept up the “everything will be fine” act in front of Sam, essentially hid out behind a gas station and made his emotionally charged plea to John for help in the scene we’ve been paralleling to his prayer to God in 13.01. 

In 2.04, Sam confronted Dean yet again on how badly he was handling John’s death, after the case they stumbled over while Sam visited Mary’s grave. I mean, THEEEEEMES. Dabb is pulling all of these themes from early seasons, and standing them all on their heads. Because in 2.05, after Dean had spent weeks putting up a front for Sam, the truth is forced out of him by psychic manipulation:

Dean: We hunt demons.Andy: What?Sam: Dean!Dean: Demons and spirits. Things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...Sam: Dean, shut up!Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic. Kind of like you. Well, not really like you, but see, he thinks you're a murderer, and he's afraid that he's going to become one himself, 'cause you're all part of something that's terrible. And, I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

Dean had buried all of this and kept it from Sam, much the same way Sam had buried some things that were pushed out in the open by another psychic manipulation (by a creepy ghost of a psychiatrist at an asylum, conveniently enough)... in 1.10:

Sam: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you.Dean: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me?Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago.Dean: Well, then here. Let me make it easier for you. Come on. Take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!! You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Sam did it. But just like Dean brushing off the confessions Andy pulled out of him after the fact because it had been coercion, Sam brushed off what he’d said in that asylum, too.

Now in s13, Sam is asking-- nay, begging-- Dean to just brush this off again, to fake it ‘til he makes it, and Dean is saying no.

It’s honestly the healthiest damn way they’ve ever reacted in a situation like this.

I have no idea how I turned this ask into actual meta, but here you go.

[chinxino5-blog]

tw i guess: mental illness

my sisters 21st is on saturday and i dont knwo what to fucking get her, my friends is on thursday and i still have no clue what to fucking get her; i accepted a gift from a friend i probably shouldnt have because it was too much and im sick of having fucking major mood drops

im complaining so much on here about how shit i feel and ive got some pathetic fuckin mood disorder which probs isnt even a thing. ive been feeling good for the whole month and woopdefuckingdoo i have school in eight days, im exhausted, im behind on all my fics and requests, i am so fucking tired and i feel like shit. it comes out of nowhere and it doesnt stay away for long. its going to fucking ruin me this year because it takes away my motivation to do literally everything so i wont be able to fucking study - i tell myself all this shit and fuck myself because if i didnt think about it so much it probably wouldnt even be a fucking thing. this is all just my shitty childish imagination and i use it as an excuse over and over again for everything, im so fucking sick of it but what the fuck do i even do? 

and i say all this shit and my friends send me messages wanting to talk about things and its real sweet n shit but i just feel like ive been throwing a fucking pity party for the past two years its honestly pathetic. but if its not real why does it always reappear once a month, twice a month, for three fucking weeks, and just vanish again like everythings fine and i’ve never been better. i feel like i have cramps. i feel like i cant breathe. my backs sore, my heads sore, everything feels painful whether its in my head or not and i just dont know what to fucking do with myself anymore

im so scared of this year. im so fucking scared. because im gonna be crying most nights and i wont get my shit done, im probs gonna end up not fucking writing because “schools a priority, get your atar” and fuck man i dont want to stop writing its the only thing that really gets me excited anymore

i dont know how to find balance with anything.

mum wasted a gym membership on me because i havent gone all month. im not gonna end up going this year because im stressed. i went running twice and cant get myself fucking up to do it again even though i promised myself i would. i said id do an hour a day of writing and i do fucking nothing. i promised requests and where the fuck are they, dont ask me. i get shitty, and jealous of other creators, and aggressive towards my friends when they make the slightest mistakes. my humour is cruel and contradictory to what i stand for and im the biggest fucking sore loser. im not a fun person and i just want to ignore all the people i know because its a waste of fucking time and i should be writing or exercising or fucking studying because that shits not important im so tired 

im fucking sorry. i dont like talking to people. i hate messaging people myself but i love to talk to the people who message me. im bad at showing appreciation. i never tell anyone im feeling like shit but i always tell them to tell me when they do. and if people message me about this lets be honest im just gonna tell them im fine because i am. im wealthy. im safe. im educated. im not in danger. im not unhealthy. im just fucking crying all the fucking time and i dont want to talk about anything yet i can spill it all on tumblr when i have followers who probs dont want to hear my fucking. pity party. 

to my followers: im sorry to disappoint. i dont have an upload schedule, its always late. i promise to do things and they take weeks until they’re done. i take months between finish requests and go on and on about fics that i wont be able to touch for months and by then who fucking knows i might not even be writing at all. im a really shitty person behind this blog and im so sorry you have to put up with me in order to get the fics i promised. im sorry you have to read this bullshit because i dont have anything else to fucking post. im sorry i never talk on the discord because my humour probably makes people uncomfortable and i dont feel important at all, even when the love i receive is priceless and treasure and i take it all for fucking granted. im really fucking sorry.

i want to try be better this year but im always telling myself its not gonna happen. new years resolutions fuckin arent even hard i dont give myself big goals and i cant even achieve the smallest ones. the only one i am probs gonna achieve is be more of a “bitch” and pull people up on the offensive shit they say but everytime i pull my friends up when they say “autistic” or “f/ggot” or “retard” as insults they roll their eyes and i can just see that they’re sick of me being a party pooper and they’re sick of having to fucking add me to the invite because ive been a part of the group for years and had i not been best friends with hannah they’d probs just “forget to put me in” because fuck it man i only ruin the fucking mood

jc. im trying to be stronger for certain people who are struggling but idk man i cant even be strong for myself what am i gonna do when im overdramatic and crying and cant actually help them out when they’re calling. ive become a sort of reliable person to help when people have a tough time or are struggling and thats just fucking gone now because what the fuck dude i cant even listent o my own advice why should other people. 

no one has to actually listen to this, or message me, or do anything about anything. im fuckin crying and somethings in my eye and it fucking hurts god damn it, i cant get it out and wow what a pathetic fucking metaphor.

im gonna keep trying to get it out. fuck. sorry. i’ll try get something done with cute in the next few days. im sorry to waste your time guys

[ariyadaivaris]

artemidi replied to your post “BUZZ TALK TO ME ABOUT HEEL COUPLE ARIYA/JACK TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM...”

I WANNA MARRY THIS ENTIRE POST?? Oh gosh you make such a valid point about Jack being even more distant now? Like he's not only /broken/ but he's also got all his issues and if you read this through the lgbt+ spectrum (which I am) of course this takes a distinct turn!! I'm??? I haven't thought about that but now my brain can't stop thinking about it??? And Brian, damn anime villain Brian is in the mix too! Face!Ariya dealing with Heel!Jack is far more interesting AND NOW I WANT MORE???

205 LIVE IS SAVING MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE AND I NEED U TO BE ON THE WRITERS BOARD (I THINK U ARE ALREADY CAUSE YESTERDAY'S EP WAS A PRODUCT OF YOUR MIND) BECAUSE I WANT THIS TO BE EXPANDED AND GOSH NOW EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIFT!!! LIKE ALL THE FACTIONS ARE GOING TO REACT IN A DIFFERENT WAY TO THIS TURN!!! I CANT WAIT FOR THW NEXT EP!! BUT IM ALSO SURE IM GOING TO D*E!!!

FRED I LOVE YOU DID YOU KNOW??? WHAT A DELIGHT CONSTANTLY ILY

GOD like, i mean i know that As A Gay+ this is the only interpretation i ever have of anything but also HOO it makes all this storyline distinctly different and it’s as crushing as it is VERY cool to think about and interpret but also my gay ass. its dying. im dying fred

FUCKEN ANIME VILLAIN BRIAN, GOD, he’s so slimy and cowardly and pathetic but so so terrifyingly competent and effective and horrible and it’s like??? HOW...i know he’s an easy target to make fun of but at the same time his manipulation is working, and it’s working UHHHHH VERY WELL, it’s fuckt UP i hate him he’s such a good fucking heel holy shit..........god........GODDDDD IM DYING I FEEL LIKE IF I HAD THAT AS A SIGNATURE ON ALL MY POSTS FROM NOW ON YOU WOULDNT BE ABLE TO TELL. IM DYING. IM SICK IM DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED...the jack/ariya feud is what 205 was built on honestly, the title picture was...erratic? to start out and their storyline tied the show together and now THE GAME HAS CHANGED SO VERY VERY MUCH, jack is very much a loner to begin with but this is...hm! the reactions to this are gonna be interesting to say the least!!!!! REMEMBER HOW OH GOD I JUST REMEMBERED ONE OF HIS AMBUSHES ON BRIAN WAS TO DEFEND MUSTAFA GOD HOW IS THIS GONNA PLAY OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOO

AND I’M GLAD FACE!ARIYA/HEEL!JACK IS SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY, its all i care about and i think about it all the time and NOW WE’RE LIKE, A STEP CLOSER TO THAT, I GUESS, I WANNA TALK MORE ABOUT IT BUT ITS EMBARRASSING HOW IN-DEPTH IVE THOUGHT IT THROUGH. THEN AGAIN WHAT IS THIS BLOG IF NOT A TESTAMENT TO SHAME

[closedspeciesdrama]

Wow... some of you people are honestly fucking disgusting. M2 does have a point. Perhaps its you people whom dont understand what its like to be emotionally abused by someone who is mentally disabled. Yes, they have a mental problem but it does not give them the right to treat people like garbage. Ive had former friends who played the disabled card any time they hurt me and then went on to say "Im mental so you need to understand me" when I confronted them. Without any appologies. Smh (1/2)

(2/2) What M2 is trying to get across is that while mental disabilities are indeed a factor in people’s behavior, there comes a point where someone is just being an asshole. They, like anyone else, should learn from their mistakes and not expect the world to revolve around them because they might have an issue. Everyone has issues some more severe than others. Again, it still doesnt mean you can treat eachother like crap.

Id also like to clarify on my two part post, pointing out someones bad behavior, mentally disabled or handicapped, is not the equivalent of making fun of them. Nor am I refering to those whom have SEVERE forms of mental issues such as high functioning autism that literally cannot communicate properly. I understand being patient with someone who needs a bit of time to learn from there mistakes but its not a get out of jail free card. Thats all M2 is saying.

This just in! Anons have no cs drama to bitch about so they attack the mods. Oh the humanity

Honestly the real trashholes are the idiots ragging on M2. I mean really??? You guys are so willing to got out and attack them . You guys are just as horrible. Because you guys took the time out of your day to go and be nasty back. And then go and tell em be humble and shit?? Fuck all of you anons. You /could/ have addressed the issue much more civilly than this. I’m not trying to pick sides, but it’s pathetic when people resort to this bullshit

wow using words like the r word and snowflake when defending people with mental disabilities doesn’t make it quite effective lol?????

Hoooly shizz, are people seriously that dense? Someone defends their points on how things are going and y'all are getting so butthurt about it. I know this place can get some trashy anons by my dear, y'all got some serious nerve calling someone scum and telling them to leave for this. Hope you’re not taking all this to heart M2, not all the anons are that hate-filled ;n;

No, anon. If they are mentally ill, disabled or otherwise neurodivergent, DESPITE the difficulties they may have understanding social cues, being polite or understanding that they were rude and apologize, it is STILL not an excuse to not put forth the effort to learn when and what they did wrong. It is still up to them to be a decent person, or they should not be in a mod role. M2 is not in the wrong, and you’re being a bully and pretty anti-recovery imo. Need me to elaborate?

To the anon(s) deeming it necessary to spam the mods’ asses with bullshit: what the FUCK is wrong with you people?? Do none of you have ANY shame whatsoever about harassing someone for no reason other than to be complete assholes? “I’m a complete shitter so I’m going to harass this person for saying this one thing that I don’t agree with” - get a fucking grip and stop forcing other people to deal with your bullshit because you have a shitty life. 

Btw, anon who sent that defense for M2 about how nd ppl still need to try and learn and not be rude, I’m mentally ill too, so don’t start. I’m fucking sick of the attitude Tumblr in general has towards mental illness. Recovery is good! People should own up to their actions, mentally ill or not. I don’t care what it is that causes you to miss social cues, lash out or whatever, you still need to ow up. It sucks that it happens, and maybe you didn’t mean it, but still least try to be better.

Tmblr just has a bad idea of how memtal illness should b treated. Take it from someone whos mentally ill (adhd, psycosis and mood instability fyi) tjis website HURT me with its “ooo MI ppl can do no wrong n are stuck in a shitty place forever n can never get better” that they act like its a good thing or something fuckkkkkkk. Its legit toxic, and im STILL recovering from those mindsets two years later. Stop. I beg you! Youre not doing MI ppl any good this way.

As someone with mental health issues and disabilities I can say that it is not a get out of jail free card, You guys are being pretty damn rude to M2. People cant learn from their mistakes or about their behavior if you dont tell them what their doing wrong and try to help them better themselves and their behavior towards others. Not all mental health issues and disabilities make it so you literally cant do some things, For those ones its completely understandable for ones that dont effect ½

2/2 people in that way who have them, It is still not right to be an asshole and these people are the ones that could definitely learn to better their behavior if people would actually let them know what their doing is not okay.