#its one of those scenes where when youre giffing it you literally dont want to cut anything out

[putterphubase]

What happened? If you've got something on your mind, Ai, you don't have to hold it in. Just shout it out if you want.

I SAW YOU IN MY DREAM | EPISODE 7

[prime-adeptus]

initially I was gonna send this in an ask bc I didn’t want you to feel pressured to reply but. I ….ran out of space….so here I am AFHJSJFHDS

AGAIN You’re not obligated to reply, I just want to give praise where it’s due!!! THIS IS JUST ME LIVE REACTING ….. I HAVE MUCH 2 SAY

TLDR I REALLY LIKED IT I THINK THIS IS A AMAZING START AND I’M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT ELSE YOU’LL DO

ok so I'm not really an Aventurine girlie so I went into your fic completely blind (Half. I did read the warnings bc I care!!!!) I also do not know a damn thing about omegaverse so I’m in a permanent state of the confused math lady gif BUT WE BALL!!!!

Right out the gate you’ve already set the tone for the story to be one that is for sure going to be emotional, heavy on the heart, but as I’m reading II think the way you write is so beautiful, it’s so immersive. The relationship between Aventurine and MC tugs at my heartstrings and when I think how the past they share is also what binds them together I feel like I shld be telling my psychiatrist ur name (/j)

There’s a lot I don’t understand, a lot I’ve missed from the lore (bc yk. I Forgor) and I know you always say how much you love Aventurine, and that is increasingly clear with how you write him. You write Aventurine like he’s your muse, the star in your universe, and it brings forth a rush in me when I see how much love you have for him and how much love you put into the fic

I can see Aventurine in perspectives I haven’t seen before, think of him in a different light when I see how you pick him apart and put him back together

(also I was mad frustrated on MC’s behalf at the scene where they’re talking abt the IPC & its suicide mission and how Aventurine is deflecting HSJFSDFD it’s like;; it makes me want to yell at him, but at the same time I understand him, I understand this barrier he’s put up for himself, so I’m just watching from the sidelines w my fist in my mouth bc I’m in shambles

and ok oh boy here comes the heat. I am Clueless Overlord I dont know what happens during a heat and idk what it is but Aventurine letting his guard down for a split second then immediately feeling the need to withdraw from the world, like it’s by instinct, is actually really relatable and it makes me want to punch drywall (/pos) bc I know how frustrating it is when you try to love someone but they just won’t let you

Docking points off of u for inflicting an ungodly amount of emotional damage but also I mean that in a complimentary way. You understand him so intimately and how you write sentiment and vulnerability leaves me awestruck (I was gonna say at a loss for words but I’m literally writing you a whole essay) it’s just. Idk how to describe it

I liked how you handle the heavier topics, I understand those aren’t always easy to write and think about for a long time so I hope u are taking care of urself (and ur mental) bc if not I’m afraid I’m gonna send Yanqing to ruin all your 50/50s

I just really loved it, even without general understanding of the AU it’s a really good story. I’m telling my psychiatrist about you. AND AVENTURINE. BOTH OF U. i’ll cover the bills but she WILL know you by name!!!!

NIGHT FLOWER: part i

Your place in the world was one of a tool. This was true of every slave: you were all things to be used. Kakavasha understood this about you, and he understood this about himself. It was how he survived all those years ago, and it’s how he survives now. And so, when Aventurine goes into his first heat in years and decides to suffer it alone, you can only think of one way to get him to accept your help: You offer to let him use you.

written for @/lorelune's spring fever collab & @ficsforgaza

13.5k words of omegaverse, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, angst with an eventual happy ending. gn alpha reader + omega aventurine (they each have both amab and afab genitalia). explicit piv sex, reader bottoms, the sex is consensual but emotionally complicated and deeply sad. cw slavery, racism, gendered violence, including very brief and non-graphic (but direct) references to sexual abuse during slavery. the sa and slavery are not eroticized. dead dove do not eat, mdni.

thank you to @acerathia, @minnaci, @owlespresso for all your help with beta reading and to @kosmiccarma for brainstorming omega aventurine hcs!

“I’ve alw███ l█ved ███, Ka██v█s███”

You knew it from the moment you met him.

Gaunt, pallid, weighed down by heavy chains. Irises that glowed like the auroras back in your world. Delicate features that made every passerby in the market stop to read the description on the placard. (Sigonian, it said, although you couldn’t read at the time. Avgin. Male. Omega. Sixteen years old. Sixty Tanba, no tax.) He had an all-consuming scent that was impossible to ignore—one that possessed you, made your heels dig into the dirt, every atom in your body resisting the impatient jerk of the chains at your wrist. Even through your muzzle, through the perpetual stench of carbon-steel and blood, you could smell it: honey and wildflowers. A fragrance that settled deep within you, flooded you with a warmth that felt like home.

Aventurine is not a spiritual person. He once told you this, his smile cold in the glow of an artificial moon. He'd been deeply religious as a child, but hasn’t since cared for fairy tales about fortune and fate, three-eyed goddesses or merciful rainfalls. Hasn't thought about anything like a destined love. He thinks the idea of a true mate is laughable, that no such bond could ever be forged between an omega and an alpha. That nothing so unconditional could ever exist.

You know differently, of course. You've known it from the moment you met him, from the second you laid eyes on him and thought, I need to help you, and I need to protect you, and I need you to be safe, and you’d never once heard the word ‘love’ in your life—slaves are never loved by their masters, after all, and you'd always been nothing but a slave—but every atom of your being knew that you loved him, that you'd always love him.

And when your master cradled your face that night and crooned that he owned you, that you'd always be his obedient, alpha pet—for the first time in your life, you knew that he was wrong.

You didn't belong to your slaver.

You belonged to him.

To Kakavasha.

These days, Aventurine does not smell like honey, and your jaw is not restrained.

Your muzzle was one of the first things that Aventurine threw away when he bought your freedom. According to the Amber Era system, it had been several months since the murder of your shared master. Ninety-five Star Calendar days after the Interastral Peace Corps had arrested Kakavasha. An entire rotation around the black hole at the centre of your wretched galaxy, all of which had been spent in the captivity of some new mistress. She picked you out because she liked your calming scent and the look of your face, but mostly she used you for the fighting pits just like your old master.

Aventurine had been sitting in the audience of your final match, then bought you out right after you won. “I’m in need of a fighter,” he’d said, smiling in his thick furs and jewels. He played the part of a slavemaster perfectly, his gloved hands wandering the span of your aching shoulders, touching the bloodied maw of your mask. “And I’d be willing to pay top credit for yours.”

She protested. You were her most prized possession, one of her greatest investments. Slaves from your planet were hard enough to come by—alphas capable of reproduction, nearly impossible. And you were so well-behaved, so poised, so endearing in a way that was rare for alphas. She was fond of you. Her omega slaves were fond of you too. They would be distraught if you left, and that would complicate her household affairs—and surely Aventurine, as a respectable owner of human capital like herself, could understand how inconvenient that would be?

Aventurine bared his teeth in a gracious smile. (You’d never seen Kakavasha make such an expression before—so disarming, so cunning, a crescent moon beneath snake eyes. He’d never smelt like this either, like an expensive cologne layered with bleach, and it left you feeling nauseous, wondering if he was ill.) He flirted his way into her good graces, made her an offer she couldn’t refuse, and then he brought you into the first-class ship on which he’d arrived. You were so stunned by its luxury—the handwoven carpets, the crushed velvet seats, the imported tea from several galaxies away and the custom-ordered outfit he had bought for you—that you nearly missed the tremble in his hands as he punched numbers into the remote control lock for your chains.

He had regained his composure by the time he pulled away your muzzle, though. He threw it carelessly to the ground—your titanium chains, too. Then kicked both away with his shined leather shoes.

“There,” Aventurine said, smiling cheerfully. “Much better, don’t you think?”

“Vasha—” you started, voice thick with wasted grief, and all you wanted to was reach for him, to double check that he was real, but he placed a finger to your lips and stopped you. You stiffened at the satin touch, but he seemed unbothered.

“‘Aventurine’,” he corrected.

You stared blankly. “What?”

“‘Aventurine’. Like the gemstone. That’s my name now.”

“You—” Your voice caught in your throat. You realized that you’d been holding your breath. You always had the habit of holding your breath in the luxurious, private rooms of very rich men, because you never liked what happened in them. Forcing yourself to breathe, you asked, “You gave yourself a new name?”

“No. The IPC gave me a new name. They gave me a job, too.”

“A job?” you asked, voice faint. Now that you were breathing again, you were noticing once more just how bizarre he smelled. Sterile and expensive and completely foreign. “You’re free now?”

“Well, I’m a freedman, but I don’t know if I’d call myself free. I’m a bit… indebted to the IPC, let’s say. But that’s fine. I can’t complain. I mean—look around. This beats the fighting pits, doesn’t it?” He gestured lazily at your surroundings, and you nodded.

“It’s nice here,” you replied, feeling absurd but not knowing what else to say. Once Kakavasha got talking, it was impossible to get a word in edgewise.

“You like it here? Good. This room’s yours. Mine is the next one over. You’ll live and work here, with me. I’ll make sure you’re paid well. Full benefits, vacation, salary, and overtime. The standard pay for your role is seventy-thousand credits per month, but I’ll see if I can get you more. HR is pretty strict about their hiring policies, but—”

“You’re hiring me?”

Aventurine went very still, his smile tightly controlled. His eyes remained fixed on you, but they seemed less snake-like, now. They looked more familiar. More afraid.

“I’m offering, yes,” he said neatly. “You’ll be part of my personal security detail. I don’t have the contract for you to review yet, unfortunately. I didn’t arrange one ahead of time because, well”—he laughed, as if this were polite conversation and he were making a joke about the weather—“I didn’t know if I’d find you alive. But things worked out in my favour. They always work out in my favour. I’ll make sure they’ll work out in your favour too, so long as you’re with me. So you’ll consider it, won’t you? Staying with—working for me, I mean.”

Your eyes went soft. Beneath the artificial fragrance, you finally caught a hint of his familiar scent—more wildflower than honey at that moment, the way it always is when he’s scared.

“Kakavasha—”

“Name your price,” he said loudly, “and I’ll match it.”

You sighed. “Vasha,” you said more gently, and his shoulders relaxed at the subvocal shift in your timbre, at the famed alpha Voice that necessitated your muzzle, “I don’t care about the money. Of course I’ll stay here. But—what happened? Why did you kill him yourself? Why didn't you let me do it? That was the plan. It was always supposed to be me.”

It was my job, you thought then, just as you had thought to yourself every night, curled up in your bed and trying to recall the scent of fresh honey, to keep you safe.

He shrugged and said, “It would have been too risky to involve you.”

“You were caught and sentenced to death. The risk was already too high.”

“But the stakes weren’t,” he replied simply, and before you could ask what he meant by that, he continued, “and it worked out, didn’t it? I work for the IPC. You work for me. We’re freedmen now. Whatever I've lost, it doesn't matter. Our gains far outweigh it.”

“And what have you lost, Vasha?”

He smiled at you, charming and distracting. A crescent moon beneath snake eyes. “Nothing of value,” he reassured you, and even though you could feel the calm of an omega’s voice washing over you, even though it released all the tension in your body, all you could smell was cologne and wildflowers, and you knew that he was lying.

Vasha once told you, curled up and quiet on the basement floor, that he despised his eyes. They were supposed to be a sign of blessing from Gaiathra Triclops, but they'd never brought him anything but trouble. They were the first thing that the slavers always noticed about him, the feature that made him such an alluring commodity. Their aurora glow, their strange beauty, their promise of a rare opportunity: a chance at owning a specimen of an exotic, endangered species, possibly the last of its kind. These are all things that you've heard in the parlour of your master’s house as he entertained rich company, the crowd of them gawking at his human curios.

Avgin are said to make the most beautiful slaves, he'd often say. And Avgin omegas are said to be the most beautiful among them. What do you all think? They'd all hum, peering closely at Kakavasha’s features, and inevitably someone would joke, I think I'd like to borrow him sometime, and then they would all laugh while your pulse ticked up and you imagined tearing at their throats. Vasha would search for your gaze in these moments, giving you a long, pointed look: Don't do anything stupid.

He’d always been so blasé about it, the way people fixated on his Avgin blood. You'll never understand how. He didn't react to any of the comments, the groping, the innuendos. He was, however, distinctly unimpressed at the way that your master liked to play him up as a rare and expensive acquisition, as a sign of his own status. It's embarrassing to watch, Kakavasha had remarked. Everyone knows that Sigonian slaves are uncommon but cheap—people always think we’ll bring them more trouble than our worth. This was how Kakavasha had ended up in the market in the first place: because his last master had been robbed, and he'd been wrongly blamed for it.

The blame, to this day, has never stopped. People—powerful people, politicians, businessmen, socialites—look at Aventurine’s eyes and immediately reach for their pockets. You've seen it for yourself, these spineless despots and scammers feeling for their wallets. Sigonian, you know they're thinking. Liar, cheat, thief, whore, worthless, worthless, worthless. Your hands tighten around your blade each time, a loaded gun with a finger on the trigger.

Alphas are said to be violent by nature. Aventurine has often called you the one exception to this rule: the most docile, good-hearted alpha he's ever met. But this is a lie. You do have a predator instinct, and it comes out in full-force whenever you’re around these particular types of men. These types who notice Aventurine’s eyes and see a thief; these monsters who see his irises and imagine what it would be like to bed him. You’d kill them if you could. It would be so easy, especially now that you are an IPC dog. The Company is already such a violent force; what would be one more murder?

But Aventurine has never ordered you to punish anyone. (Don't do anything stupid, he always tells you with a glance, smiling through every humiliation.) Nor has he ever seemed bothered enough by these meetings to try concealing his heritage.

A fellow Asset Liquidation Specialist once asked why he didn't just hide his eye colour—it would likely be better for fostering relationships, negotiating deals—but Aventurine had shrugged it off. I'm a gambler working with the IPC, he'd said. Do you really think a pair of coloured contacts would make anyone trust me? He'd laughed, and his voice had carried a threatening edge, and his coworker had shifted visibly at it. Being an Avgin is the least threatening thing about me, wouldn't you say?

You think that Aventurine likes being seen as a threat. Sometimes you wonder if this is why he doesn't mind wearing his eyes so much, but abhors keeping his scent. He washes his clothes until they're free of his disarming sweetness and then masks himself with an unsettling blend of ambergris, jasmine, and wood. And he is on suppressants all the time—hasn’t had a single heat since the day he killed his master. Hasn't smelled like himself, either.

At the end of the day, it’s manageable being an Avgin in this business, he often comments, spraying half a bottle of masking cologne on himself, but you can't be an Avgin and an omega. Wouldn’t you agree?

You'd know better than me, you reply, noncommittally—and truthfully.

But you're an alpha, he observes. Don't you have an opinion?

You don't pay me to have opinions, you always remind him, stone-faced. You pay me to stand here and look scary. And Aventurine always laughs at this, and he always wires you money and calls it a bonus as he pesters you for an answer, and he always gets distracted and starts scrolling through all his shopping wishlists instead. I saw this thing the other day and thought of you. And this too. Would you like either of them? Would you like them both? I’m a very generous manager, you know. I'll buy you anything you like.

But even though he always gets distracted, Aventurine never forgets. Sooner or later, he inevitably circles back to these questions—these anxieties about his scent, about his eyes, about his blood. He never cares for anyone else’s opinions, but he's always been curious about yours. Even when he was Vasha, he wanted to know what you thought.

He’d been sixteen years old and delirious with heat the first time he asked you, face wrinkling with pain as he spilled his thoughts. It was so incoherent, so sad, you thought it must have been about a fever dream. Mama Fenge, he kept saying. Mama Fenge blessed me, She blessed me, I'm blessed, it rained when I was born—did you know that? My luck, I was lucky. The Katicans, they never caught me. They got everyone else, but not me. I was blessed by Her. I'm going to save my people. I will. I'll save my sister. My eyes are proof. My mistress liked them. Said they're beautiful. Worth sixty whole coppers. A blessing. He pulled you close, pressed his scalding face to your scent gland, and his whole body shuddered with relief. This was the first and only time he'd allowed you to hold him, and it was only out of desperation, out of his mind. Do you like them, alpha? Do you like my eyes? Why? Is it because they're beautiful? Because they're from Gaiathra?

“I like them because they're yours,” you'd replied, and Kakavasha had laughed deliriously.

This is when he told you he hated them: I'd close them forever, if I could.

When you were younger—dumber—you had a habit of squirrelling away every spare coin you came across. You collected them in a little purse that one of the omega slaves had sewn for you—a thank-you for always keeping the other alphas away from her—and you hid it underneath a loose floorboard. By the time that Kakavasha was arrested, you'd saved up twenty-nine Tanba. You’d wanted enough to buy Kakavasha’s freedom and then to set him up for a comfortable life.

It had been a stupid plan. An embarrassing one. If you ever confessed it to Aventurine, he'd laugh at you. Slaves can't buy other slaves, he'd say. Leave the schemes to me next time. You’re too good-hearted for it.

You’d already known that, of course. You knew that you didn't have the status to buy him or mate him or even just provide for him, but you wanted to. God, did you want to—you spent every waking moment thinking about it, every sleeping moment dreaming of it. It wasn't even that you desired him, though he was beautiful and fragrant and more delicate than anything that had ever touched you in your life, which was only your master’s hands and your muzzle and your chains. Aventurine would feel so soft in comparison, you’d always figured. It made your heart ache, thinking about getting to hold something so lovely.

But really—that desire came second. What came first was how mated omegas feel safe around their alphas, and you so desperately wanted him to be safe. Kakavasha had looked so frail, so grim, as your master took his chains and led him home from the market, and you could smell the fear coming off him in waves. And you could do nothing to stop it. You had nothing you could use to stop it—nothing other than your hands that could kill for him and your pheromones that could soothe him and your useless heart that wanted to collect sixty Tanba for him. That was all you had.

So you failed in the end. Of course you did. You didn't have the status to buy him or mate him or even just provide for him. You couldn't even do for him the one thing you could have done—which was to kill. And Kakavasha suffered for your incompetence. He had to dirty his hands with blood and gamble his way into wealth and then suddenly he was freeing you, not the other way around.

And now you are comfortable. You'll lead an easy life from now, Aventurine reassured you when he brought you onto his ship all those years ago, and he's kept that promise. What about you? you'd asked him then. Will you lead an easy life with me, if you're working for the IPC? And he had smiled and lied to you: Yes.

It had been a painfully obvious lie. If you were a smarter person, you'd have never believed it in the first place. Aventurine has no interest in leading an easy life, because an easy life would be less profitable, and less profit would mean less safety. And he is always, always worried about being unsafe. It is indiscernible to everyone but you—an alpha (his alpha, always his, even if he doesn't want you) who has watched over him for so long that you can detect every shift in his scent. No matter how much cologne he drowns himself in and no matter how strong his suppressants are, you know when he is afraid.

And here is the bitter truth, the ultimate proof of your shortcomings:

Aventurine is always afraid.

It is a beautiful day on Agnisahr, and you can tell that Aventurine is about to throw up from worry.

You're sitting in the middle of stunning wealth—Aventurine in his feathers and jewellery, you in your tailored jacket—in a lobby made from marble and pale sandstone, with a view of palm trees and rolling, scarlet sand dunes beyond the window. The waitstaff addresses him as Honoured Guest and they keep his crystal chalice filled constantly with water—one of the most expensive commodities on the planet. Aventurine has been drinking from it religiously, which is strange as he typically has the habit of forgetting to hydrate. A faint wildflower scent is drifting from his slender form. These are the only giveaway to his mood: he's otherwise as pokerfaced as ever, smiling calmly as he discusses his plans to sabotage the local government and acquire the planet for the IPC.

“This is a very dangerous mission,” you state flatly.

“All my missions are dangerous.” He takes a sip, one pinky up. “The IPC pays me well for a reason. As they say—”

“‘High risk, high reward.’ I know.” You try not to sound bitter, though you allow yourself to sound tired. “I still do not think the risk is worth the reward in this case.”

“I think over 5.6 million in credits is a great reward, actually. We could do a lot with that kind of money.”

You raise a brow. “What could an extra 5.6 million get you that you can't already buy?” It is—as Topaz would say—‘chump change’ in comparison to his current wealth, which sums to a number so vast that you can't wrap your head around it.

Aventurine pretends to miss the point. “Tons! We could buy a new spacecraft. Get another mansion. Or—we could take a vacation to Penacony. I hear it's quite nice there.” A playful smile. “I could get us a penthouse unit. With a featherbed.”

You frown. Sometimes Aventurine likes to flirt when you're being stubborn—not out of interest, but as a ploy to distract you. He’d developed the habit after he joined the IPC. It used to fluster you, but now it only makes you cross your arms.

“You could die,” you point out.

“You'll protect me.”

“No, I won't. You always find a way to get rid of me when things are most dangerous.” You give him an accusatory stare. “You never let me do my job.”

He's too shameless to deny it. “And it's worked out fine, hasn't it? I haven't died so far.”

“Yes. Just by dumb luck.”

“I beg to differ. My luck is quite reliable.” He sets down his glass. Glances back outside. A microexpression, brows knotting for the briefest second as he studies the sky. “I'm not worried.”

“You're a shit liar.”

That gets him to look at you, letting a small frown pass over his face. “No, I'm actually a great liar. You're just too good at reading me. It's very inconvenient, you know.”

“I can't help it.” You lean toward him, making a show of it as you sniff. An orchid-like scent—faint but unmistakable—has seeped into artificial ambergris and wood. “It's hard to ignore.”

He hums. He isn't frowning anymore—but doesn't look happy, either. “I should change suppressants.” He taps the side of his empty glass, fidgeting. Aventurine never fidgets: it's an amateur giveaway. “These ones clearly don't work well enough.”

“That won't help. I know you too well.” Your eyes soften. He's looking outside again, the blues of his irises distant. “You're worried, Aventurine. More than usual. Let’s back out of this—let Jade handle it.”

“The mission isn't what's bothering me,” he says patiently. “I just don't like this planet.”

“Because you can tell it's dangerous.”

“No. Well—it is, but nothing I can't handle.” He leans back. “I just dislike the weather here.”

You arch a brow. “...the weather?”

“Yes,” he says neatly, “it's too dry here. I'll break out.”

You open your mouth. Close it. It is possibly the most absurd thing you've ever heard, and certainly the worst lie that's ever come from him. For as long as you've known him, Aventurine has had flawless skin, marble-smooth, and ever since being freed, he’s never really cared much for looking handsome so much as looking rich. But he maintains his serious expression: all-in on the farce. “Did you know that outside the capital, this planet hasn't had any natural rain in a quarter of an Amber Era? And the stellar winds are terrible. I don't know how people live on a planet like this.” His eyes narrow at the cloudless sky. “The IPC is going to need to do a lot of terraforming if they want to make this into a merchant hub.”

“Aventurine.”

“It'll be a pain crossing the desert—the elements will ruin my clothes, you know,” he continues. “It won't be so bad while we're on the ships, but we’ve got to go outside from time to time. Can't make any friends otherwise.”

“Aventurine.”

“And there's nothing to do for fun when we’re not working.” He sighs dramatically. “I can't wait to get our 5.6 billion and leave for someplace else. I'm being serious about Penacony, by the way—”

“Aventurine.”

“—though not about the featherbed. I'll get you your own room, obviously. And I'll buy whatever dream experience you’d like. What kind would you want?”

Finally allowed a chance to speak, you say, “One where you retire.”

“Retire? Why would I ever do that?”

“I don't know. Maybe you decide you've made enough money.”

“No such thing.”

“Then you can settle down with someone.”

That makes him smile. It feels mocking. “Me? Settling down? With who?”

“Who knows. Someone who will treat you better than the IPC, I hope.”

“Anyone that nice would run in the other direction. But never mind me. This would be your dream experience. What happens to you in it?”

“I stop chasing after you and get to live out the rest of my days in peace,” you say dryly, and Aventurine blinks. “Please stop deflecting. The IPC gave you a suicide mission. We will both die if we stay here.”

He looks serious now. “I wouldn't let you die.”

“You can't know that.”

“Well, I do. And I've got decent chances at surviving too—at least one in ten.”

You feel like sighing—a deep, aggravated noise is heavy in your throat—but Aventurine doesn't enjoy it when you show anger around him. It's the one omega instinct that he can't ignore, you suppose: unease around an aggressive alpha. Voice tightly controlled, you say, “You’re going to bet your life on one in ten?”

  “Sure. My chances were worse on the last planet, and things worked out great. It'll be the same on Agnisahr.” Aventurine raises a hand, calls for the bill. The conversation is over. You lean back in your seat, watching sourly as he pays tens of thousands of credits just for water.

“You know, they say the royal family is backed by an Aeon,” you can't help but point out, once the waiter is gone. A last-ditch effort. Aventurine smiles at it, amused. Like you're a child.

“So what?” He glances outside, at the desolate landscape beyond the oasis—nothing but red sand, a blue, rainless sky, and two radiant suns shining above it all. “The protection of a god is nothing compared to the schemes of human beings. And gods abandon their people all the time, anyway.”

During your tenth day on Agnisahr, you realise that something is deeply wrong.

It takes you some time to understand what’s happening. At first you think that whatever political danger you’ve intuited is much worse than you thought, and that’s why Aventurine has been so pale, so discomforted, so exhausted. Then his scent starts changing—he switches clothes two, three times a day (because of all this heat during Agnisahran days, he tells his new business associates) and spritzes his nape with his cologne almost religiously—and you wonder if he is sick with something. If the food in this planet has something that disagrees with his Sigonian biology, or if he has picked up one of the local filoviruses, or if someone’s poisoned one of his meals because they’ve correctly identified him as a threat. Aventurine dismisses every single one of these theories when you bring it up, and—as if in denial—only attributes it to the weather. (I’ve never done well in deserts, he tells you, his eyes on his phone screen. I'm not used to them. It is above 300 Kelvin, and you do not see a single bead of sweat on his neck, and his cheeks are not even a little flushed.)

You only figure it out when he is too ill to get out of bed one morning and forbids all the IPC staff from coming near his hotel room. It sets off alarms immediately—Aventurine, no matter how sick, will work and see through meetings as long as he is mentally capable of it—and so you naturally ignore his orders and check on him, using the spare key to his sleeping quarters that you're given as a policy. And as soon as the door cracks open—as soon as you step inside only to be hit with a violent, cloying sweetness—you realise what’s happening and slam the door shut behind you.

“You’re in heat,” you blurt out, and Aventurine—a shivering, panting mess on the bed—groans in response.

“Why are you here?” He turns toward you, still lucid enough to glare at you through the tangled mess of his hair. His voice is weak, but no less self-possessed: “I was very clear—no company today.”

“I am your personal bodyguard,” you remind him mildly. Your voice is calm—both non-threatening and non-condescending. “Those orders don’t apply to me. If things feel suspicious, I look into it. And they felt very suspicious.” Your brow knits as you study his clothes. Mulberry silk clings to his form, soaked through with sweat. Thin, eucalyptus sheets are tangled up around him. There are only two pillows. No water bottles. No knotting toys.

Nothing.

“You didn't know you'd be in heat,” you realise. “What happened to your suppressants?”

“I don't know.” There’s a quiet, frustrated edge to his voice. Vulnerable too. It makes you think of when you were both still slaves, and Aventurine was confined to the basement of the manor—the one that all omega slaves were made to ride out their heats in. Either they would do it alone or were ordered to spend it with some alpha, usually either a friend of the master or an alpha slave he wished to reward. That's when they're most pliable, he'd tell his guests, or sometimes even you. They get so desperate they'll present themselves to anyone. Then amused laughter from the other party—How obscene!—as you looked away, blood hammering in your ears.

You had been your master’s favourite. His most obedient, most profitable pet—striking enough for his guests to admire, deadly enough for his audiences to bet on, docile enough for him to enjoy. Good enough for him to reward, and he often rewarded you with his most beautiful slave: his Avgin omega. Just don't mark him, he’d said, fastening the muzzle around your mouth. It'll ruin his market value. Who knows if someday he'd sell Kakavasha off to some alpha master who wished to claim him, he said. Though I don't think there's anyone in this star system who'd want a Sigonian for a mate, let alone a Sigonian slave. Then he’d paused, eyes scanning over you. As if contemplating. But maybe they'd try to get Avgin whelps out of him, he added, and you felt like throwing up.

You'd never mate him in those moments, your muzzle always prevented you from saying. You didn't even want to think about touching him, and he didn't want to think about it either. Even in the cruel grip of his heats, with nothing but the thin mat beneath him and his slave’s rags around him, Kakavasha hadn't wanted any kind of contact from you, rejecting any chance of solace. Don't, don't—not again, not again, he'd begged. Then as the nights marched on and his mind grew hazier, he’d start whimpering too: It hurts, alpha. It hurts. Help me. It hurts. Don't touch me. Not again. It hurts. It hurts. Stop it, please stop it.

It gutted you.

It went against every instinct, not to touch him. To let him lie there, in scorching, lonely pain, when all you wanted to do was to dispel it. It would be so easy to press yourself against him and let his skin cool against yours, do the one thing that your body was good at other than killing. But not again, not again, I can't anymore, I don't want it, I never wanted it, and all you could do was sit there, unmoving. Watch as the most delicate, precious thing you had in your life shatter.

And standing here now, watching Aventurine shatter before you once more—it is unbearable. He needs a nest, you keep thinking. He needs a nest and some water and some kind of touch, some kind of relief, but not again, not again, and you’re still a slave, still a worthless and stupid slave, and Kakavasha is still crying on a basement floor and you can't do anything for him.

“You need help, Aventurine,” you say, voice soft, and his whole body tenses. His scent dips, and the scent of florals overwhelms you.

“No,” he breathes, “I don't.”

“You do. You're sick.” You bite your lip. Your heart splits as you suggest it, but you say, “I can call a professional.”

“No,” he spits. The facade is gone. The poker face has cracked. The anger and the pain and the fear are all on full display, and his voice sharpens: “No strangers.”

No foreign scents, you realise he's demanding. A new scent would probably make him feel unsafe.

Then let me help you, you think of pleading, but not again, not again, and you're filled with so much shame at the thought that all you can do is look away.

“Then—can I do anything?” He goes still. “Not—not that, but something to make you more comfortable. I can build you a nest, at least—”

“No.” He takes a deep, shaking breath. “No nests. I don't need one—��

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don't,” he says. His voice is wavering now, on the verge of crumbling with fever and pain. “I've never—I’ve never needed a nest, I don't—I don't want to—” He presses his face into his pillow. “I need—I need to be alone, fuck—”

He doesn't mean to whine. The cry for distress is instinct, something that all omegas are programmed to do in heat. You’ve heard that they’ve evolved to make this noise as a way of appealing to nearby alphas for help, but you think this must be a lie as you never once saw your alpha master giving mercy to any of his omega slaves. Still, whether it is your biology or not—the noise that Aventurine makes has your heart aching so much you can't help but step forward. But he shakes his head and inches away, shuddering violently, and then his voice echoes again in that cold basement—not again, not again, and don't touch it anymore, don't use it anymore, don't use me anymore, not again, and it's all you can do to back away until your spine is pressed against the door.

“I'm sorry, Vasha,” you say, strained. “I’m sorry. I'll leave you now.”

As the door shuts behind you, you catch a final glimpse him—face pressed into the pillows, shivering.

If you didn't know better, you'd think he was crying.

When you were both slaves, Aventurine hated seeing you during his heats.

Kakavasha was normally calm around you. Most of the time, he was even friendly (he was friendly to everyone whom he thought could be useful), but he was different during his heats. Sometimes he was vicious; mostly he was withdrawn. Nearly always, he wanted to be left alone. In those moments, all he could register was your alpha scent and his memories of what other people had done to him during his heats. And while you'd have hated to leave him, despised the idea of him being offered to another alpha—even more than that, you hated violating this boundary of his. Hated that you were allowed to do whatever you wanted to him. Hated being the reason he felt so unsafe.

Hated being an alpha.

Now that you no longer have the orders of your slavemaster hanging over you, it is the least you can do to respect Aventurine’s wish of being left alone. He has every right to privacy, and you have every obligation to give it to him. But instead you have been standing here, outside his door, for a full system-hour.

Every time you try to leave, your body is wracked with anxiety. The thought of other people—other alphas—coming near him in this state makes you seethe, your hands flexing at your side. The predator instinct comes out, and the people around you notice it. Every person unlucky enough to walk down this hall scurries away under your glare, even the other IPC staff wandering about to look for Aventurine: Must be their mate on the other side, they remark to one another, and then they're gone.

It is a hard thing to hear. You are not his mate. You are not even a heat partner. If you were, then he wouldn't be in so much pain. Not now, and not back then.

Aventurine has never had easy heats. You keep replaying your memories of all his past ones, each one a wound in your heart: the aching sweetness of nectar and honey; his withering body as he clutched his abdomen and curled up; the tears and sweat staining the mat beneath him. And above all: the fear. The scent of it, the sight of it, the sound of it in his voice. Stronger today than any other day.

By instinct, you know that he cannot persist like this. That this time is somehow worse than all those other times, and that he will become seriously ill if left alone.

After nearly an hour and a half, you finally open the door, fearing the worst.

“Aventurine?” you say quietly, but there's no response, and your stomach drops as you see him.

His body is pale, listless. If it weren't for the fragrance washing over you or the sweat on his temple, you'd worry that he was dead.

Tentatively, you reach out. Rest a hand on his forehead, and it scorches you. He stirs at the touch, doesn't open his eyes—but the quiet sigh of relief is unmistakable. His fingers twitch, as if wanting to reach for you.

“Aventurine,” you say gently. “Aventurine, I'm going to take care of you. Is that alright?”

He doesn't respond. You grimace, pulling away to fetch things for him: several spare pillows from the closet, an extra blanket too. From his suitcase, you grab a few of his sweaters, all thick cotton and fleece. He’d had a sense that Agnisahr would be cold at night. Deserts always get cold after sundown, since sand doesn’t retain heat, he'd told you while he was packing. Or I think so, anyway. Don't know why. Must have read it somewhere. Then he’d given you a long, unreadable look before saying, Make sure to bring a jacket. The warmest one you have. The elements on a planet like Agnisahr can kill a person—even a person like you.

I’m sure I’ll be fine, you’d dismissed him. I can survive anything. Any kind of weather, any kind of illness, any kind of pain: these are all things your species is known for being able to endure, the trait that made you such a prized slave in your master’s eyes, such a useful agent at the IPC. You hadn’t given Aventurine’s warning any thought and hardly paid attention to what you’d thrown into your own suitcase.

It surprises you, then, that you find one of your sweaters in his luggage. Made from Sedanian cashmere and heat tech designed by the Intelligentsia Guild. Cloud-soft and warm to the touch. Aventurine had bought it for you before you were deployed to Jarilo-IV to collect intelligence for Topaz. Warmest thing in the known universe, he’d commented. One of a kind, too. Remember to wear it, alright? Don't let my money go to waste, now.

You stare at it, kneading the fleece between your fingers. You hadn’t mentioned wanting to bring this sweater. You’d lost it in your closet some months ago and forgot about it. Aventurine must have remembered and gone looking for it, because—why? You aren't sure. Probably because it’s warmer and softer than anything he owns, you guess. Of course he’d want to wear it.

You throw it into the pile of things you’ve collected for him.

You take it all to his bed, the mattress dipping as you sit next to Aventurine. One by one, you scent each item with your wrist, watching him carefully the whole time. You’re quiet as you lay them out around him, leaving him undisturbed as you build a nest. You order water and electrolyte drinks too, and you’re quick about going to the door when you hear room service knocking—with how feverish he is, he probably badly needs it.

Aventurine is awake when you come back. His breathing is still laboured, pained—but calm.

“I said I didn’t need a nest,” Aventurine says, though he doesn’t sound angry. You wonder if he’s too weak to be. His voice is faint, and his eyes are barely open—focused on the pile of blankets and clothing around him.

“You’re welcome.” You open a bottle of water, hold it out to him. “Drink.”

Aventurine pauses, stares at the offering like it's some kind of foreign object. But he accepts it eventually, sitting up and taking it from you. He winces with the movement, which he tries to hide. He ignores your frown as he drinks, and he doesn't stop until the bottle is empty.

“There are more,” you say, pointing at the several additional bottles on the nightstand. “And some food and some painkillers. I don't know how well they’ll work. This isn't a normal heat. If you're alright with it, I'll call a doctor and—”

“Everything smells like you,” he says quietly, and you stop.

“...yes. Unless they’re mated, nests usually feel most comforting to an omega when they smell like an alpha.” You swallow, looking away. “...you don't have a mate, and you didn't want a professional, so this was the only option I could think of. I'm sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says. He picks out one of the sweaters that have made its way into the nest, the Sedanian one. “I don't mind it.”

“Oh.” You let out a breath. “Then—can I call a doctor?”

His grip on the sweater tightens. “No.”

You frown. “Aventurine—”

“I’ve never needed a doctor before,” he says. He sounds unbothered, but he's fidgeting with the sweater now. “I don't need one now.”

A lie. He almost certainly needed a doctor in some of his prior heats, but you don't push the matter. “Maybe you don't need one,” you say instead, “but it would help.”

“I don't need help,” he says, and you look at him in disbelief. He catches your expression, and the corner of his mouth lifts. “Not more than you've already done, I mean.”

“I’ve barely—”

“Contact Topaz. Tell her I'm incapacitated. Tell her…” He hums. “Tell her I have food poisoning. The personnel too. It's not time-sensitive, our business on Agnisahr, so it shouldn't matter if I need a few days off.”

“You really need—”

“Give my regrets to our Agnisahran friends. Deliver it in person. They see you as my right hand, so they’ll most appreciate it coming from you. Topaz can help you with the verbiage. And—try to socialise with them a little, won't you? I think that little omega princess of theirs likes you. Some of the courtesans too, and they have surprising influence.”

“I do not want to be around any omega other than you right now,” you say before you can stop yourself, and Aventurine stops, blinking. His expression is blank, if perhaps a little curious—but his scent shifts. You can't identify how. You add quickly, “I’m not leaving you alone when you’re this sick.”

“Ah. Right.” Aventurine looks away. His voice sounds strange, and his heat must be getting to him again, because it carries a hint of pain. “But you have to. The IPC’s goals take priority.”

You frown. “Your life is more important than the IPC,” you say, and he laughs. Loudly.

“What? This is just a heat. I’m not going to die.”

“You don’t know that without seeing a doctor.”

“I do. I’m willing to bet money that I won’t die.” He cuts you off before you can reply: yes, you're always willing to bet on your life. “And even if I do, that would still be less important than Agnisahr. Do you know how many resources are on this lifeless rock?” His mouth slants. “If we mess up here, I’m dead anyway.”

“I wouldn’t let them touch you.”

“Yes, you would—because they would kill you too.” Aventurine sighs. His eyes close, and his brow creases—a sign that whatever reprieve he was lucky enough to get is about to end. “Go do what I asked. Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll… see a doctor if you do.”

You stand immediately. “Alright. I’ll be back to check on you.”

“I know.”

You stop at the door, giving him a long look. Seeing him like this—lying on a proper bed, cradled in a warm nest, with water and food and medicine nearby—you feel a little better. This is leagues beyond what he’d been afforded in his days as a slave, at the very least. Even if he isn’t free, at least he isn’t trapped.

But it still doesn’t feel good, having to step away. The last thing you want to do is talk to other people, pretend to have interest in other omegas. There are an astonishing number of them who are interested in you on this planet—that princess, and some baron’s son, and one of the prince’s favourite paramours—but you can’t bring yourself to care even for business purposes when Aventurine is like this. You can't act as if you are enjoying yourself when you know he is in pain.

You wonder about telling Topaz the truth. You wonder if she’d be worried enough about Aventurine to let you neglect this mission and cover for you instead, without letting Jade or Diamond or anyone else dangerous know. Not that you think that anyone at the Company particularly cares about Kakavasha—it’s only that he’s valuable. Aventurine of Stratagems is valuable. How many worlds have fallen because of him?

But he seemed unwilling to bet on his worth to them. Which is startling, given how often he's bet on it in the past.

“What’s so important about this planet,” you can’t help but ask, “that the IPC would rather you die than lose it?”

He’s silent for a long moment. His eyes are closed—hidden—but you can see his knuckles whiten as he clutches the Sedanian sweater.

“Copper,” he says. “They want it for the copper.”

When Kakavasha first suggested a friendship to you, it had felt like something in between a proposition and a threat:

Go ahead, he'd said. Use me as you wish. You can even stab me in the back if you want. Just be mindful of this: I don't make deals that don't pay off.

It might have been a strange way of making friends in any other circumstance, but in a house of slaves, it was a natural one. You had not been a clever person—still aren't—but you understood that your place in the world was one of a tool. This was the place of all slaves: you were all things to be used. Your body was a thing to be used. It was valuable for its strength, for its hardiness, for its threat in the arena and for its convenience in your master’s bed (or in a dark basement, or within a heat house, or inside whichever omega your mistress ordered you to calm down). It did not surprise you that Kakavasha wanted to use it as well. It did not surprise you that Kakavasha expected you to use him in return.

You never would have, of course. Kakavasha was not a thing to be used—he had always been a mate. Though you were happy to let him use you, because all you were was a tool anyway, so it was really all you could offer him: to be used.

None of this has changed for you. You don't think any of this has changed for Aventurine, either. With each new friendship he makes, he repeats those familiar words: Use me as you wish. And with each person who accepts, this is exactly what they do: they use him, and they use him, and they use him until suddenly they notice he's tricked them and they've got the losing hand.

You damned gambler, they always spit. You Sigonian wretch. All you know is how to manipulate people. Thief, liar, cheat, whore. Despite all these insults, Aventurine always smiles at them. Cry as they might, he’s won his bet and has their world in his palms.

Winner takes all, he sometimes gloats.

Winning and losing. Using and being used. Exploitation and treachery. This is all Aventurine knows; these are his great guiding principles in life. (He's told you this point blank, stacking up chips in his favourite gambling dens with a self-satisfied grin.) You often find yourself coming back to these conversations, particularly when you need to convince him of something.

And right now, you very badly need to convince him of something.

Aventurine is ignoring his doctor’s advice. His suppressants are unstable in extreme temperatures, he's been told. During travel on Agnisahr, they'd degraded, and now he’s experiencing his first heat in several years. Of course it's going to be painful, his doctor had said. I can prescribe you some medication to ease the symptoms, but really—nothing will work better than a heat partner. It doesn't need to be a mate. Any alpha will do.

The doctor had been an alpha. You had asked for a beta or omega, but alphas tend to dominate in Interastral Medical Schools, so they're in short supply. Aventurine had been still the whole time, face unreadable, but you could tell he wanted to throw up at the stench of an unfamiliar alpha. You had stepped between the two of them, not bothering to hide the animosity in your voice. We’ll take the medication, you had said, and the doctor had sniffed the air and nodded at you in approval.

Probably won't need it. An alpha like you could sort him out with just a few rounds, he told you, and both of you stayed quiet as he left.

You still aren't talking, or even looking at each other. Aventurine has lay down in his nest again, closing his eyes, while you stand as far away as physically possible—at the door where you'd just shown the doctor out. With the room shut off again, windows closed and door locked, Aventurine’s scent is starting to flood your senses once more. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him shivering.

“What do you want to do?” you ask.

“Nothing.” He swallows. “I'll be fine.”

He's afraid. You can tell he's afraid. And you can tell he’ll be more afraid if you take even a single step closer to him, so you nod and say, “I'll go pick up your medication, then,” and Aventurine doesn't stop you. You can see him curling up in his nest, face pressed into the cashmere sweater.

But he still doesn't stop you.

After a few more days, Aventurine finally breaks.

There is a rare sag to his shoulders when he calls you to the room, along with a taste of dread in the air. You haven't seen him so vulnerable in years. Aventurine is not an open person, so cunning and self-possessed in his wealth—but Kakavasha was more brittle, more powerless, flayed raw and open even though he didn't often get the whip. (It would ruin his value if he ever scarred—his looks were his greatest selling point, your master said.) He was especially defeated when forced to spend his heats with an alpha he didn't want. You wonder, a vice grip of pain around your heart, whether this entire situation is simply an extension of that. Whether he is calling you here against his will, this time compelled by his pain, rather than his master. Whether this luxury suite feels like that wretched basement to him.

He doesn't look at you when he talks, nor does he sit up. He remains curled in his nest, nearly clinging onto the blankets and clothes.

“That stupid medication,” he pants out, sharp even in his heat, “isn't working.”

“I can tell.” Your brow knots. He’s in so much pain, it is palpable. “I”—you hesitate, voice dropping. “Can I help you?”

He goes quiet. As both Aventurine and Kakavasha, he has always been disinclined to accept help from other people. There is no such thing as unconditional help in his mind—only leverage and weakness. He hates it when people have leverage over him, and he hates being weak. Both are things that can be exploited, and Aventurine always needs to be the one doing the exploiting. He always needs to be in control.

Even like this, the last threads of his sanity about to snap, with every circuit of his omega biology trying to drag him into insensible lust, he fights viciously to be in control.

Winning and losing. Using and being used. Exploitation and treachery. Control and being controlled. This is how he's always lived. This is how he's always survived.

This is the only way to let him maintain control when he is most afraid of losing it.

“I don't mind,” you say quietly, “if you use me.”

Even through the haze of heat, Aventurine’s eyes sharpen. “What?”

“I don't mind if you use me,” you repeat, voice neutral. Unfeeling. The proposal might sound cruel to someone else, but not you. After all—your place in the world is one of a tool, and this is what you've always done as an alpha and a slave: sleeping with people to take care of their needs, or sometimes just their desires. It did always make you feel strangely hollow, but you think it will feel just fine with Aventurine. All you've ever wanted to do is keep him safe, and surely, this will do that, but—

“I'll only help if you want. I don't want to force it.” You lower your eyes. “But if you do want it, I'll be careful with you. You can lead. I promise.”

“...I know.” Aventurine’s voice is weak, cracks with pain, but you can tell he's speaking with clarity. “I know you will be.”

You look up. “Then you'll let me help?”

Aventurine looks away—a sign that he cannot adopt his usual smile. He’s clutching that sweater again, pressed close to his chest.

“Just your wrist,” he says quietly.

You listen carefully. “What?”

“I just—I just want your wrist.” He looks away. “Your—your scent gland. Only that.”

“Okay.”

You get up, then falter. When it was your job to comfort your mistress’ omega slaves, you were told to enter their nests—no permission needed from them, no permission needed from you, because only her permission ever mattered for anything. The omegas were usually too delirious to care, often had even begged for it with the state of mind that they were in. But Aventurine is different. He's not like you, and he's not like them. He's never bent to any of his masters’ wills. And even if he did, you wouldn't want to have him bend to yours.

Instead of climbing into his nest, you ask, “Can I sit on the bed?” He doesn't answer. “Just the edge of it,” you add, and you hear him exhale.

“Fine,” he says, breathing measured.

“Thank you,” you say, and he gives you a confused look. But then you're reaching out with a hand, offering it, and he is quickly distracted.

Aventurine drops the sweater, grabs your hand almost immediately. He turns over your palms, fingers tracing your heartlines—as if testing you, as if mapping out territory. He runs his thumbs along the veins of your wrists, too, right over your scent gland, and you have to force yourself not to shudder at the feeling. You only stay still, letting him explore the contours of your hands, letting him acclimate to the feeling of your skin. He laces his fingers with your own, a latticework trap, and he finally drags his wrist along yours.

Both of you inhale sharply.

You can't react. You know it'll scare him if you do, but it's hard to keep still. The way his scent blossoms, the way it mingles with yours, the way it all washes over you—what you're doing can hardly be called touching, but you feel like you're going mad. Especially when he flushes like that, his vibrant eyes fluttering shut. Especially when the sweetness of honey overtakes your senses. Especially when you can smell the way his body is reacting, all that wetness and heat and slick dripping between his legs. You don't miss the way his thighs rub together, nor the hard outline of his cock straining against his pants.

Aventurine shudders. He brings your hand up to his face, rests his cheek in your palm. His skin is flushed and burning with fever, and it's no wonder that he's sighing with relief at your touch. You try not to stare at the way his mouth falls open. He looks at you for a moment, his gaze a hazy violet and blue—before he closes his eyes again and presses his lips into your wrist.

Fuck.

“Aventurine—” You have to stop, voice strangled, when you feel the full softness of his lips working against your skin. He’s panting now, laboured breaths sweeping over your veins. Then you feel his teeth catch, a gentle nip on your flesh, and when he groans into your racing pulse—deep, relieved, desperate, a noise that makes your gut flare with heat—you realise you can't do this.

You pull back your hand, and Aventurine startles.

“Aventurine,” you say, voice strained. Maybe we should stop, you want to say, but he cuts you off.

“I need”—a shaky breath—“I need more.”

You watch Aventurine carefully. His pupils are dilated, blue irises nearly eclipsed. His cheeks are rosy, and he can't stop panting. You can fully smell his arousal now, even through his silk clothes. He's desperate, needing to be filled.

But he also looks torn. His brows are knotted, and you can taste a faint hint of fear in the air now. His knuckles clutch at the sheets, almost white, and he stares at them. He can't look up. He can't look at you. His whole body is tense, like he wants to bolt—and if he weren't so weak, you think he might actually.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

He doesn't nod. He also doesn't shake his head. His arms clutch at his midsection as he winces. He doesn't look like Aventurine. He looks like Kakavasha. It makes your heart ache as you watch him give into his body’s demands, wearing the same expression he did on the day your master bought him.

“...don't use your Voice on me,” Aventurine—Kakavasha—says quietly.

It takes you a moment to realise what he's asking. “I won't.”

“And”—his eyes somehow grow even more evasive, hidden by his long lashes— “don’t touch my commodity code.”

His commodity code. His commodity code that is seared into his scent gland. His code that, if you kiss, will ease his agony instantly. His code that, if you bite—will chain him to you irreversibly.

“Of course I won't,” you say instantly.

He closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.

“And—” Aventurine looks away, jaw tight. His voice is quiet but wrought with tension: “—I don't like when people put things inside me.”

Something claws the walls of your heart.

“That's fine too,” you reply. “I don't mind doing it the other way.”

Aventurine’s sigh is nearly inaudible, but unmistakable. His scent shifts a little bit, the wildflower fragrance fading ever so slightly. But he doesn't come to you. He merely sits there—waiting. Expecting. Maybe dreading. Even in the senseless daze of heat, he’s too anxious to move.

You approach slowly. Though you're overwhelmed by the bouquet of his scent, though you feel a curl of heat in your belly in response to it—you are slow. Alphas are supposedly victims of insatiable lust whenever around an omega in heat, absolved of every action they take, but you are convinced this is a lie. You have never once wanted to handle Aventurine with such cruelty. You think that inflicting violence on him, more than anything else, would go against your biology. Every molecule in your body would reject putting him in such pain or inciting such fear. So you are careful when you approach him, slow as you inch up to him—but you do not think it helps.

Aventurine lies down, his face turned away from yours. His eyes squeeze shut, like he's expecting this to hurt. Uncertainty gnaws at your gut as you lean over him, draping your body over his—the only position you've ever taken an omega in, other than mounting them from behind.

(You do not want to mount Aventurine. You never have. It is an impersonal position, a position that omega biology supposedly would force him to enjoy, a position that alphas have likely dictated him to enjoy. You think there is nothing you would hate more. In your weakest, most selfish moments, in your worst ruts, when you’ve allowed yourself to fantasise about mating Kakavasha—you are always facing each other, and he is always looking at you with his eyes you've always loved, and it always feels intimate. Never impersonal. Never dictated. Never forced.)

Aventurine is so honeysweet beneath you. More fragrant than any omega you’ve ever been with. You glance at his commodity code, trying to ignore the scent of his branded skin, then lean down to press your face against the other side of his neck, where a faint scar mars the otherwise flawless slope of his nape. Like every other omega slave you've ever slept with, the scent gland there has been excised: a precautionary measure to reduce the risk of an unwanted mating bite.

(Not unwanted by them—the wants of a slave never matter—but unwanted by their owners. A mating bite would ruin the code seared into their neck, claim an omega more deeply and permanently than any titanium collar or carbon steel chain. It would hurt their resale value. Only owners are allowed to claim slaves in such a permanent way—and the wants of a slave have no relevance there, either.)

It's a funny thing, this surgical scar. Even with their gland missing, you've noticed that most omegas like having their neck scented by you anyway, probably from some vestigial instinct. You guess that Aventurine won't be any different, that maybe it will comfort him. But when your lips skim the scar left on him by his owner, his entire body stiffens beneath you. His fragrance cuts into your lungs, sharp.

You recoil, as if burned by the touch of him.

“Sorry,” Aventurine is quick to say. He tries to glance at you, but his diamond pupils quickly avoid you again. “Don’t worry about me. Just do whatever you need to do.”

“But you're scared,” you point out, and you see his brow twitch. “You’re scared when I touch you.”

“Not scared,” he lies. “Just…”

When his eyes finally look at you—land on your lips—you understand.

A bite would claim an omega more deeply and permanently than any titanium collar or carbon steel chain. If you lost your mind—give into the insatiable lust of an alpha whenever around an omega in heat—you might bite him, and then you would own Aventurine.

And Aventurine would rather die than be owned by anyone again.

He doesn't need to finish his sentence. You already know what you need to do.

“It's okay,” you say gently, and his brow knots. “I have an idea.”

Aventurine is always afraid.

This is a fact that has haunted you since the day you met him. You've wondered about how to fix it—the bare minimum as his mate (always his, even if he doesn't want you)—and you’ve never quite pinned down how. Because when someone has spent their life in perpetual fear, how do you make them feel safe? When their life is constantly at risk, how do you ever make them feel calm?

You still aren't sure of the answer. But after seeing Kakavasha become Aventurine, you now have a good guess.

It is clear from his scent that Aventurine does not feel remotely safe right now. Not when you leave to fetch something from your own room, and not when you return. The anxiety thickens when he sees, in your hands, a very familiar muzzle.

Aventurine stares. He is not smiling, but he also does not reveal his discomfort on his face, even as beads of sweat line his temple. But his voice is too controlled, too calm, when he asks, “You kept the mask.”

You nod.

“I told you to throw it out,” he points out, “when I freed you.”

“I know. Sorry. I don't know why I kept it.” You remember how tightly you clutched it before the incinerator, thinking about how strange it would feel, discarding something that you'd worn everyday since you presented—but you don't tell him this. Instead, you say, “But it’s convenient.”

Before Aventurine can say anything, you toss him the remote.

“You’re afraid of my bite and my Voice, but you don't have to be with this,” you explain. Your tone is gentle, soothing. Probably disarming coming from an alpha, with how he is in heat. Perhaps that's why he’s studying the remote rather than chucking it away. “You'll be in full control if I wear this.”

Control. Mere seconds after you say it, you can smell his fragrance change again, mellowing. It's only a brief moment of calm that fades when you latch the mask onto your face, but he doesn't smell as nearly as stressed before.

Aventurine watches you carefully as the carbon steel swallows your maw, its old and familiar edges biting into you. For the first time in years, you cannot tell what he is thinking—truly poker-faced even to you.

“You aren't bothered by wearing that thing while we do this,” he says—asks?—and you shake your head. The muzzle was part of you for years. You were wearing it when you killed someone for the first time. You were wearing it when you went into rut for the first time. You were wearing it when your master had sex with you for the first time. It doesn't bother you that you’ll wear it when you have sex with Aventurine.

If you could speak, you would ask him, Why do you think it would bother me? But all you do is gesture for him to sit up. To switch places with you. You lie down—something you've never done with an omega—and wait for him to get on top.

Aventurine stares at you for a long, quiet moment. It's followed by a sigh of relief. Disarmed, he—for the first time in any heat you've witnessed—finally relaxes. His scent wafts over you as he climbs between your legs, and you can feel the heat radiating from his hands as he parts your thighs, almost scalding.

He doesn't bother getting you ready, too needy to think rationally, but he doesn't have to anyway. You've been wet ever since you felt his mouth touch your wrist, hard ever since you heard him groan into it. You're equally desperate to get some relief as you feel his cockhead sliding against your opening, leaking all over your entrance as his slick drips onto your thighs. His breath shakes as he enters you, and he can't hear it with how you're muzzled—but you groan just as deeply as him at the tight stretch.

You hear him swear when you clench around him, watch him lean over you. His arms shake as he supports himself, refusing to succumb to his heat even as he chases his relief. You seek out his gaze (just as in your dreams, facing each other, intimate), and his neon eyes catch on your eyes for a brief, breathtaking second—

—before he looks away.

There's a flash of—you don't know what, maybe pain? Or fear?—in his irises as he does. A twitch of the brow, a tell he'd normally rather die than let slip. You have the realisation, as Aventurine moves inside you, that even while you're muzzled, even while he has complete control over you—he still can't stand having sex with you. Probably because he can't stand being in heat in general, you tell yourself. Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't use it anymore, don't use me anymore. He'd have this reaction to anyone.

Still—you didn't expect him to have this reaction to you.

Your hands twitch, possessed by an old instinct to cover your eyes. But you'd probably scare Aventurine if you moved your arms, so all you do is dig your fingers into the sheets and squeeze them shut. You tell yourself again and again that he'd hate having sex with anyone in these circumstances—not just you. And then you tell yourself, as a desperate, broken moan leaves his branded throat, that he would also come inside anyone in these circumstances, caught within the cruel grip of his heat.

Aventurine stills inside you as he finishes. He pants, sweat dripping down his temple as he shudders in his ecstasy, his spend hot and thick inside you. You can feel his fever break as he comes down from his high, the heat coming off his body easing into a manageable warmth.

Do you feel better, you try to say, but you can't move your mouth while your mask is on. So you wait patiently for Aventurine to come back to himself, watching him carefully as he pulls out and rolls onto the mattress beside you. He finally glances at you then. His eyes narrow once they land on you, confusion flicking through them. Then displeasure. He reaches for the remote.

To your surprise, he immediately punches in the code to unlock your muzzle. Aventurine has apparently remembered the numbers after all these years, as if the moment he freed you has been since seared into his memory.

“Are you okay?” is the first thing you say, and Aventurine gives you a confused look. He’s still panting, dazed, so you ask, “Can I check your temperature?” And when he nods, you confirm your suspicion: he's still much too warm.

There is an ache between your legs and a strange hollow in your gut (because you aren't very experienced with receiving, you think—your body likely just isn't used to the feeling of it), but you quickly forget them. All you can think of is Aventurine, and how he’s still unwell, and how you need to comfort him. The instinct is so strong that you don't even say anything as you get up, straightening out your clothes.

“Are you leaving?” Aventurine asks. His voice is neutral, completely unbothered, but the thought is so horrific to you that you turn back to him with wide eyes.

“Of course not. I'm going to get you water and medicine.” A beat. You stare at Aventurine’s eyes, then think about how he hid them from you during sex. The hollow feeling comes back, but it's mostly eclipsed by your anxiety at the next thought: “...do you want me to leave?”

“Do you want to?”

“I—” I'd rather die, you think. Being forced to leave him right now would feel like tearing out a piece of yourself. You don't know if there's an alpha in this world who could leave their mate in the middle of a heat. And even if he is unmarked, unattached to you—you still think of yourself as his mate. (His, always his, even if he doesn't want you.) “I would prefer not to. I am your heat partner. I'm supposed to take care of you.”

You hear a quiet breath. “Right. Of course. You're always so conscientious.” Aventurine nods, as if convincing himself of something. “Try not to take too long.”

“I’ll come back soon,” you promise, and the air sweetens. Encouraged, you add, voice gentle: “I’ll bring that medication, and then we can have sex as many times as you need after I come back. I'll make sure you're not in any pain anymore.” You pause, studying him. “Is there anything else you need to feel better?”

His fragrance changes once more, this time in a way you don't totally recognize. “No.” His voice sounds strange. His scent is still foreign, fluctuating, possibly hinting at some kind of pain. The heat must be getting to him again—and of course it wasn't enough, what you just did, what you can provide. He likely needs to be filled to get any kind of lasting relief, but you left him empty. “No, that's all I want.”

You nod, forcing yourself to look calm. Ignoring the emptiness in your gut. It didn't feel bad, but you hope it'll feel better next time you have sex. You think it will. Alphas are supposed to be filled with an insatiable lust near omegas in heat, after all. And even though you’ve never felt that before—never felt anything sleeping with all those omegas in your mistress’ house—you are sure you'll eventually feel it around Aventurine.

But the feeling never comes. Even though you can tell that his heat has returned by the time you're back—sweat beading his temples, laboured breaths at his lips, his bottoms now discarded, with full evidence of arousal between his legs—you don't feel much of anything as you reach for your mask again.

“Don't,” Aventurine says, before it can clasp around your face. You give him a curious look. He explains, “Don't. I don't want to have sex again. Not yet.”

You stare at him, shifting. Uncomfortable. Uncertain. Not knowing how he wants to use you. “What can I do?”

He gives you a long look. “Come here. I… I want your scent gland.”

It's a sensible request. If there's a way to seek relief without fucking someone—without fucking you, which he clearly hated doing—you're sure Aventurine would prefer it. So you climb into his nest, holding your wrist out for him, and—

“No.” His voice is quiet. “I want the one on your neck.”

“...oh.”

You stand there, not sure where to move. If he wants you in his nest again, or if he’d rather do this standing. You’re relieved when he demands, “Lie down.”

You expect him to get on top of you when you do. Assume that he wants complete control—but he instead lies down beside you. Presses his body into yours, and then his face into your neck. His nose and lips brush against your scent gland, a full-body shudder running through him, and—

—and now you know for a fact that it is a lie that alphas want nothing other than to fuck an omega when they're in heat. Because even like this, with his lips sweet on your neck, with the sheets soaked with his slick, with his spend leaking out of you—you do not want to have sex with Aventurine. You only want to hold him. You only want him to keep scenting you. You only want to scent him back.

You only want him to feel safe.

You breathe in deeply, lungs flooded by honey. You think of what it felt like to hold him in that cold basement, when he was delirious with fever and pain, and you think about how different his scent is now. How much sweeter it is. How much calmer he feels.

“Do you feel better?” you ask, and he doesn't respond, but you know the answer. His hands come up to dig into your shirt, and he presses into you like you're a sweater in his nest. Silence blankets over you both, calm and warm. His laboured breath starts to improve.

He does eventually speak.

“Has anyone ever told you,” he says, “what you smell like?”

You stare at him. Your master used to say that you smelled good, but he'd never elaborated, and you hadn't wanted him to. “No.”

Aventurine breathes in.

“You smell like—” A little sigh, shaking and feverish, leaves him. “You smell like rain.”

Your eyebrows tick up. “Rain?”

“Yes. Or not just rain, but”—he pauses, next words quiet—“more Iike after it rains. You smell like the desert after a rainfall.”

“Oh.” You don't know what to say to that. Feeling distinctly like it's a silly question, you ask, “Is that a good scent?”

“Some would think so. Especially to people from the desert. You probably smell like a blessing to them. Although…”

Aventurine goes quiet again. You stare at the chandelier above you, all crystal and white gold, and wait.

“Although?” you prompt.

“...although I wouldn't really know,” he says. “It’s just a hunch. I bet it's why so many omegas on this planet like you.”

You couldn't care less about those other omegas. All you care about is Aventurine. “And?” you say. “Do you like my scent?”

His reply never comes. He just breathes deeply again, seeking relief from your neck—not intimacy. Any alpha’s scent would work; that doctor told you so. Any alpha’s touch would work, too. There are no special feelings involved here. Your place in the world is one of a tool, and tools are never especially liked nor disliked. Their value exists only in how they can be used.

You don't know why you even bothered to ask the question.

But then something strange happens: Aventurine curls against you, pressing even further into you. His lashes flutter against your pulse again; it ticks up in response, beating fast against his lips.

“I do,” he says quietly. “I do like it.”

You swallow. “But I guess that's because you're in heat. Any alpha would smell good to you, wouldn’t they?”

“No.” His fingers dig into the fabric of your shirt. “No, I like it because it's yours.”

You know better than to read too much into his response. Aventurine had already said it earlier: No foreign scents. He's only tolerating this whole arrangement because you don't smell unfamiliar to him. Only able to use you because you are the least threatening option.

But the words break something in you—break the thing that made you unable to throw out that little pouch of copper coins that you were saving up for Kakavasha’s freedom, the part of you that made you wear that carbon-steel mask for him. It is this part of you that has your eyes squeezing shut and your arms wrapping around him. You know he’ll recoil, reject you, but just this once—you need to try.

Aventurine doesn't push you away.

He melts into you instead, inhaling deeply. Your scent gland tingles with the warmth of his breath, the feeling of his lips. He seems—comfortable.

You can't fathom why he’s staying in your arms. Perhaps he's simply desperate for some kind of relief from his heat, just like when you held him in the basement while he was delirious from pain. But Aventurine had spoken to you with clarity just now, and his skin doesn't feel scalding so much as warm, and his scent is so different than from that moment. So sweet and so gentle, without a trace of fear. It makes your heart squeeze. As much as you've always wanted Aventurine to feel safe, you'd never imagined that his scent would be so beautiful when he is.

It makes your heart ache. You've never held anything so lovely before, and you’ve never felt so warm before, and it all makes up for how badly it hurt to let Aventurine inside you. How hollow it made you feel to let him use you. How none of that matters as long as you can keep him safe like this, because you belong to Kakavasha. You'll always belong to Kakavasha, in a fate that was chosen for you on the day you met him.

You're his, always his—even if he’ll never want you.

end part i

thank you so much to lore for hosting a fantastic collab and to my sponsors who funded this fic and got it over the finish line! please go check out @ficsforgaza to find other amazing hsr writers you can sponsor in order to help fundraise! here is my own wip list, if you are interested in seeing more from me!

and thank you most of all to YOU! I appreciate you so much for reading this chapter. thank you so much for sticking it through.

additional end notes

[heyitsyn]

RANDOM SEIJOH HCs ACCORDING TO GIGI

a/n: this is a thing i cooked up between doing trig exam and ap gov review akdsjfldskfj

IM PRETTY SURE I ALREADY USED THIS GIF BUT IM WANTING TO RE-DO MY ENTIRE PAGE AND MAKING BANNERS SO THIS IS A TEMPORARY THING AJDJDJJD ALSO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING THING ON THE APP BYE

oikawa def listens to indie music just bc he wants to feel unique and the 'iM diFfErENt fRoM oTHeR gUrLs' vibes

i FIRMLY BELIEVE IWAIZUMI HAJIME IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CHOMPS ON HIS ICE CREAM BC HE LIKES TO FEEL THE COLD ON HIS TEETH AKSJSKSKSK

meanwhile kunimi eats a kitkat like its pizza just CHOMP

makki caNNOT sleep without a pillow between his thighs LIKE LISTEN he has 2 sisters and they all told him its so comfortable and at first he was like,, ??,, then he tried and now cant sleep without it

bUT MATTSUN LIKES TO SLEEP WITH PILLOWS SURROUNDING HIM bc it makes him feel safe and like there are two body pillows on either side of him and hes kinda trapped in the middle aksjskdk

when kyo was younger, he was really short and although he had other pants, he loved this one pair but they were really long on him and he wore it all the time and the part of the pants that touched the ground is torn in shreds

kindaichi steps on the sofa before sitting LIKE puts one foot on the cushion then the other until hes literally standing on the couch before folding to sit with his knees up to his chest (i do this)

watari sniffs his food before eating it no matter if its something he eats all the time or something new, he still sniffs it either way

yahaba is really particular with his feet and he likes to get a really big tupperware (duh one only meant for his feet) and fill it up with warm almost boiling water and he just soaks them

oikawa has sleep paralysis and he oftens hallucinates about aliens in the corner of his room

kunimi does this thing where he makes weird noises with his mouth like sounds of his mouth opening LIKE when youre tastinf something new and you do that sound with your tongue (I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT AJDKSKKD)

makki bends his knees just to crack his ankles

iwa sneezes a ton but he has those sneezes where theyre quiet that you dont even notice or really loudly that it just echoes throughout the gym

kyo sleeps with one sock on bc his feet gets cold easily but both socks make him feel really hot so only one sock is perfect

for a tall and hunk of a guy, mattsun is a very light walker like his footsteps are very light and if he wants to, it can be practically silent

watari actually hates vegetables ajssksksk he particularly hates zucchini, eggplants, any vegetables that are that shape

kindaichi likes to stick or lean against walls because to him, they feel cold and can decrease his body heat

oikawa stands and places his feet at V position like \/ instead of ll because his sister did ballet and he was taught that was the right way of standing and it was considered graceful

yahaba has a fear of cactuses

mattsun does so badly in the heat because his body temp runs so high and the hot surroundings make him feel so uncomfortable and so he takes a lot of cold showers

iwa cannot swim like he freaks out immediately when his toetips can no longer feel the bottom and he panics with thoughts of drowning

watari has really small feet that he still buys big kids shoes to save money

kyotani considered playing baseball because he thought baseball bats were cool but he got angry and threw tantrum after missing his first pitch

iwa chomps on a whole raw chili while eating ramen akskksks

oikawa actually hates sweets bc when he was younger, he had cavities and iwa showed him a cartoon of cavities eating his teeth and will make him toothless

kindaichi really really likes hugs but hes too awkward to ask them even from his parents

yahaba chomps on mints so he goes through boxes of them in a week

i feel like theres a boy in the team who doesnt brush their teeth everyday and rubs a towel on their teeth to make it look clean and take mints to hide their bad breath

iwaizumi is actually iron deficient so he bruises super super fast and he even developed iron defiency anemia when he was younger bc his parents didnt catch on which caused him to be put on strong medication for months and still takes it now

WAIT,, OIKAWA IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT BUT HE LIKES MILK SO HE EATS MILK BREAD TO MAKE HIM FEEL NOT SO BAD OR GUILTY OF CONSUMING STRAIGHT DAIRY

seijoh four bonding time is watching gordom ramsey shows and yelling and screaming 'YEA! EXACTLY!' as if theyre also cooking genuises

watari used to eat grapes all the time until his mom got worried and told him if he doesnt stop, he will eventually turn into one. he only eats it every few weeks

when he was younger, kunimi cried because he had befriended a chicken on a trip to a farm and his mom took him to eat fried chicken after and he thought it was Chicky (his chicken friend :"))

kyotani used to stick out his tongue when it was raining so he could taste the raindrops. they taste better than bottled water

one time, during a seijoh sleepover, they dared oikawa to wear his sisters old uniform, skirt and all, and it backfired so everyone turned red and couldnt look at him in the face

their pregame ritual is touching each other's shoe tips

they tried doing yoga at yahaba's house before by watching yoga youtube videos but everyone ended up having to go to the chiropractor after (how did makki even turn into the human pretzel?)

the local gym gets so scared when they see the team coming through the doors bc these men are so LOUD like they HYPE EACH OTHER UP SO MUCH THEYRE SO ANNOYING AKSKSKDK

also never take them to an all you can eat sushi place. if you do, bring them earlier of the day like 30 mins after opening time so the cooks can cook enough for them without running out of ingredients (even then sometimes they still run out)

oikawa used to eat his mom's roses from her garden because he thought it would make his farts smell good like roses

takahiro is a surprisingly good artist like he draws really cool action fighting scenes in the corner of his papers and stuff

in my work: it's canon that iwa is half filo and his nanay used to dress him up in a barong all the time during halloween bc she wanted him to showcase his heritage

yahaba drinks a lot of milk because he hopes to one day grow strong and bulky like the 3rd years instead of being seen as a pretty boy

kindaichi's mom is a hairstylist and she always scolds him for using a lot of gel bc she's always the one who washes his hair

makki never learned how to do taxes and hes had the government knocking on his door a handful of times (BOKUTO AKKDJSKKS)

kyo has a dog: a chiweenie

there's someone on the team who wears those socks with individual pockets for toes

their pinterest is so different from what they look like for example, mattsun has a board of different flower decorations and arrangements

kunimi throws up during intense horror movies

watari's celeb crush is emma watson

the team alternates from different music genres like from ateez and bts to mxmtoon and beach bunny

they still dont know how to pronounce camila cabello's name

theyre all active in social media but only oikawa is on it 24/7 and in all platforms while the others have insta and snap

mattsun has twins as little siblings and he used to get them mixed up all the time that he used to draw a sharpie dot on the girl's forehead to determine she was his sister

watari hates sitting on the floor bc his butt bone hurts really easily so he can only sit on cushions for long periods of time

the team was supposed to have a party but everyone didnt know what to bring so they proved they shared the same braincell by bringing the same thing: a box of pizza

makki's an old soul and prefers to play records on a record player or watch old movies

kyo is surprisingly good at giving massages because he really pushed hard on those tense muscles

kindaichi knows how to crack necks so everyone goes to him a lot to do it (a friend of mine does this and can i say its terrifying yet so good?)

the only one who has a license is matsukawa and thats because granny needs to go to the doctor a lot and he hates her walking by herself and cabs are expensive

kyotani and yahaba are actually,,, lowkey close,,, not like best friends but theyre nice to each other and they got a stick and poke together (yahaba's was: :) while kyo's was: >:))

watari has a collection of mangas (some bl maybe 👀)

WARNING SAD: mattsun’s future job is a funeral person right? he ends up taking care of granny’s funeral free of charge and he had to take a week off because it was really painful for him

oikawa learned spanish SUPER fast to the point he forgets japanese sometimes but there are moments where he forgets both languages and hes just,,,, ???

makki’s unemployed yea but he rooms with mattsun in exchange of cooking because makki’s surprisingly good at cooking

iwa is practically the nutritionist of the team because he knows everything about proteins, carbs, iron, and needed vitamins so they all go to him to know what to eat and what they need

kunimi has lots and lots of shoes but usually only wears 2

kindaichi has a habit of pretending hes chewing gum even though he doesnt have gum, his mouth just chomps and moves with air akasldfjkf

there was a clown phenomenon in america but in their city, they had a mascots and seijoh 4 went around scaring kids :”(

oikawa never manspreads he gets too insecure to spread out like that akdjfkd

kyotani can easily sleep anywhere like he would be standing and just fall asleep or he sleeps with his eyes open

yahaba’s parents own a restaurant somewhere in the city and he works there sometimes

IM REALLY GOING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS YALL AKSDJFKL

SORRY IM WRITING TOO MUCH I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVENT UPDATED BUT IM IN A CAR RIDE RN AND I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN AND MY EXAMS HAVE FINISHED THIS WEEK IMMA CRY

PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH ANY OTHER HCS YOU GUYS KNOW OF SO I CAN PUT IT IN HERE AND CREDIT YOU WITH IT SO WE CAN HAVE LIKE A HCS BOOK FROM EVERYONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH

oikawa screams a lot according to gigi but he’s actually a really quiet guy and not easy to scare

OKAY YOU GUYS DONT KILL ME I SWEAR IVE BEEN SO TERRIBLE AT WRITING BUT YOU KNOW WHO TURNED ONE TODAY? THIS PAGE!!! MY BABY IS ONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, HOPE THIS CAN MAKE YOU GUYS SMILE TODAY AND SCHOOL ENDS NEXT WEEK AND IM ALREADY AT 132 DRAFTS AMSJKSDKSK SO OH MY GOD THERES GOING TO BE SO MUCH COMING AND IM SO EXCITED TO GET THEM OUT 😩😩

[usertoxicyaoi]

What is it that with all the recent BLs that have come out and are currently airing, the tags are full of people who just complain or want to engage in moral discourse...like bruh, keep it in your blog! or tag it appropriately! Stop! dampening! the excitement! for others, dammit! I'm seriously going to have to withdraw from the tags which is a damn shame :( but it's too irritating to get pissed off at every other post. Like, they want a bland, fluffy, slice of life (not that there's anything wrong with that but) where everyone is a Good Person Doing The Right Thing that's easy to absorb without much thought, whilst the rest of us are breaking down and analyzing scenes, trying understand motives, theorizing future episodes... it just sucks

hiii anon!!!!

honestly some day /I/ will sit and write a think piece when i'm not fasting and have enough brain juice to do it about enchante and what i took away from it and why i so wholeheartedly loved it and why, yes, its become THAT show for me.

like. i'm going through the tags tryna find edits and gifs and people's work on it and positive feedback on the show and all i'm seeing and having to sift and scroll through is slander and negativity.

which. ok! i get it! yall dont like enchante lmao!! but people have been hate watching and spite watching the show for ages now and then slandering it in the tags and i'm just like ......... stop it??? just stop doing it???? yall call THEO childish and whiny and he's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER and yet look at yall irl and what you're doing. and i'm never this rude nowadays but quite frankly i've had enough and my patience is wearing thin.

anyway. if people cant accept theo for the character that he is, from whose pov the entire show is more or less based around, then drop it! if enchante isnt your kinda thing, then drop it!!! you've got suuuuch a huge pool of bls to choose from, not watching enchante cuts out just ONE option from the so many other shows you do have to select from. its literally that easy.

why do yall have to make people who like the show look so morally out of touch and imply how we're either bad people or disillusioned or stupid or fools?? like lmao as an adult at the age of 26 who is a teacher i can promise you i cant be what i am if i'm any of those things. people are complex and theo and akk are complex and have more layers than an onion in my pantry does. and maybe you dont see them and thats chill but others do and others appreciate them and want to talk about appreciating them. so let them without making them feel inferior in any way.

and i'm not even gonna LOOK at youtube comments or mdl or whatever.

anyway. to end on a positive not bc i need that more rn, forcebook are my sweethearts and did SO SO well and /I/ am so proud of them!!! and i'm so so happy to have met them on this journey and to have found such an honest and raw show thats about flawed people who are scared of love and loving bc of their own personal baggage and previous experiences with seeing how love can breakdown and can be BOTH selfish and selfless with love but know that they want to give love a shot bc they realise that what lies on the other side of their fears is something so great with the one true person that's been a constant for them through space and time. and i can't wait to see what's to come next for forcebook!!!!

[firelxdykatara]

not gonna lie I would love to hear more about the drama and infighting that went on in The Vampire Diaries fandom if you have the time (and also want to use that time to give your experience with the fandom, which from the snippets you've told sounds Not Fun so I get it if you don't want to lol)

oh god, there was like, SO MUCH, i just

i really feel like tvd is one of those fandoms that is so hard to describe without a lot of ‘you’d have to have been there’, but it really felt like this huge and all-consuming beast for about five years until the show finally imploded and the fandom basically turned on it en masse. (you ever see that post going around that’s like ‘if you ever want to know what true regret feels like, ask someone who once called tvd their favorite show’? still a mood, all these years later. basically the entire fandom thought the show should have just bowed out with whatever shreds of dignity it had left at the end of season 6, and became more of a hatedom than a fandom for the last two seasons. when you have an entire fandom cheering news of your show’s cancellation, i think that’s a sign you done fucked up, julie.)

first and most infamous, of course, are the ship wars. which are pretty much inevitable in any teen-centered drama, and i really think the CW fucking thrives on them, but it was particularly egregious in TVD’s case because not only was the base premise of the show a love triangle, but the two main romantic leads were brothers that the show constantly pit against one another--in pursuit of elena’s affections, but also because it kept up this insistence on the ‘good brother/bad brother’ dichotomy which stopped making sense after about season 2 (by which time we have found out that the good brother was never as good as he appeared, and the bad brother has been growing and isn’t nearly as bad as he pretends to be)--and the question of which brother ‘deserved’ elena (and no, what elena wanted very rarely factored into these discussions, especially in the team stefan camp because they turned on her when what she wanted was no longer The Good Brother, but i’ll get to that in a bit) was hotly contested.

i’m not kidding when i say the shipping wars were vicious. i started watching tvd shortly after it began to air, which was late 2009, and kept up with it fairly sporadically over the years. i didn’t come onto tumblr until 2011/2012, and by then, the fandom was already pretty much a garbagefire. there were anti ship and anti character blogs, any time something bad happened for one ship the rival ship would invade the tags to gloat about it (seasons 3 and 4 were especially rough, and i’m not gonna pretend delena fans weren’t just as bad about tag invasion and shit, but as that was my side of the road i saw a lot more of the stelena shippers being assholes, which soured my opinion on the ship a long time before i started rewatching and realized the red flags were there from the start), confessions blogs were popular also toxic as fuck (so much fighting happened in the notes of those posts, good gods), and this was right around when twitter’s popularity was on the rise and the line between Celebrity and Fan was thinning, so the fandom was absolutely atrocious to much of the tvd cast and crew.

(some of them deserved a lot of the later backlash, but in the early years a lot of it was ‘how dare you write the story in a way i dont like, you terrible fucking person’, and gods don’t get me started on the dobsley vs nian Thing)

i think what really encapsulates my feelings on the tvd fandom as a whole, though, is the way they (to this DAY) treated elena gilbert, which can be summed up in one meme that gained a lot of traction around season 3 if i remember right: that gif of pam from true blood, with the text altered to read “i’m so OVER elena and her precious doppelganger vagina!”

i swear at one time i had over half the active tvd fan accounts on tumblr blocked, because i got to a point where i would no longer tolerate elena hate, and she was (and still is, in what remains of the fandom; you’ll see a lot of ‘elena was one of the worst things about the show’ takes from ex-fans, too) one of the most widely despised characters in the entire fandom. because she -checks smudged writing on hand- was a traumatized teenage girl who -reads off a crumpled notecard- couldn’t always perfectly sort out her own feelings and -squints at the ceiling- sometimes made mistakes or bad decisions. (except a lot of the fandom also insisted that she was a mary sue who had no character traits or flaws or faults and it was like....make up your fucking minds???? is she a calculating conniving bitch whose somehow manipulating these centuries old vampires to tie them around her little finger or is she a boring flat character with no depth and no flaws??? jfc)

there was this massive double standard, too--like, stefan and damon could fuck whoever they wanted and that was fine, but elena was constantly raked over the coals for the crime of developing romantic feelings for the two men who had become constants in her life and whom she cared for deeply, and oh my GOD the slut shaming that happened when elena slept with damon was fucking wild. (and also happened in canon lmfao. like the show had one of elena’s best friends basically call her diseased on screen for falling in love with someone other than stefan. it was gross and ridiculous and the friend in question was also being a giant hypocrite at the time since she was happily flirting with someone who was directly responsible for the deaths of like four of elena’s loved ones and her own boyfriend’s mother but that’s beside the point) but like elena was called a slut and a bitch and a whore for ‘cheating’ on stefan (she hadn’t, and she had in fact broken up with him on screen the episode earlier) and ‘immediately’ jumping into bed with damon, even though none of them said fucking boo when stefan had one night stands or damon had fuckbuddies or whatever.

shit, caroline didn’t get any of this treatment when she started falling for tyler while dating matt! which isn’t to say i think she should have, just that i think it’s fucking ridiculous that elena was absolutely demonized by the fandom for daring to have feelings for two guys at once and eventually acting on them--despite the fact that the entire premise of the show was a love triangle. it’s not a love triangle if both sides don’t eventually get explored, and the crew had been pretty explicit about the fact that delena was going to happen at some point--but when it did, a huge chunk of the fandom absolutely threw a fit.

and a lot of these elena haters were alleged stelena stans, and i say alleged because they hated her so much for not wanting stefan’s dick anymore that it was clear they were really stefan stans and only wanted stelena to be endgame because they wanted stefan to ‘win’ at the end of the day, because ‘he’s the good brother’ so he deserved elena more.

it was all very gross and very misogynistic and very sex shaming (apparently delena was a ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’ relationship because they had sex after two years of unrequited feelings slowly becoming requited and then pining for ages on both sides, and because they had a lot of on screen chemistry that the show capitalized on for years so of course they did a lot of making out and shit but it’s not like stelena didn’t have its fair share of making out and sex scenes, stefan was just too much of a coward to let elena top i’d apologize for that joke but i’m really not sorry because it’s true), and when i say it was egged on by the crew, that’s because they refused to let the love triangle die back in season 4 when it should have.

they insisted on stringing stelena fans along, dropping little bread crumbs to keep them invested, like dreams of a future where they were married and revealing that stefan was also a doppelganger and he and elena were descended from a pair of star-crossed lovers (a plot that ultimately went nowhere, to no one’s great surprise), and then fucking like. julie plec turned around and threw nina under the bus after she chose not to extend her contract and pretended that stelena might have happened again if she hadn’t left the show, which....i mean frankly i wouldn’t put it past her, but it would have been shitty writing. then again, she thought having a vampire pregnancy where a uterus was magically transplanted from a witch into a vampire that could somehow......carry the babies to term.... made sense and was a good way to accomodate candice’s RL pregnancy rather than like literally ANYTHING else, soooooo. but anyway julie saying that around like, end of s6 sparked off a new wave of nina hate and elena hate and ship wars bc they SEers took it as ‘confirmation’ that stelena was REALLY meant to be endgame and it was all just a hot fucking mess

another thing is that, while tvd was in its prime before the anti/purity culture shit started picking up any real steam, there was still this pervasive attitude throughout the fandom that if you liked Damon, you were A Bad Person. liking damon was apparently grounds for insults and harassment, and apparently he was The Worst Person on the Show even though literally nothing he does on screen is any worse than shit we know stefan has done (and frankly every other vampire too, but i mention stefan specifically because he was always held up--in the show but especially in the fandom--as the Good Brother while damon was the Bad One, and if you liked damon more then that had to mean your morals were dodgy and you clearly couldn’t appreciate what a heroic and saintly figure dear stefan was and....oops, i’m sorry, my salt keeps leaking -cough-).

meanwhile klaus quickly became a fandom darling despite not even really having much of a redemption arc (on tvd anyway, he just became more ‘affably evil’ as the show went on and more inclined to work with the main characters rather than try to kill them; i have no idea what went on over on his show, though), and like i can 100% appreciate liking villains and not caring that they do dodgy villainous shit, even just liking them bc they’re hot and wanting them to kiss a main character bc they have insanely good chemistry (yes i ship klaroline, no i won’t apologize for it, they could have been Really Great), it’s just really the double standard that gets me.

and all of this, incidentally, required ignoring some truly gross shit stefan was responsible for wrt his relationship with elena, that frankly it has always bothered me never really got addressed in the show. i get why elena herself would never be able to actually call him on it, but the fact is that he stalked her for months after he first saw her and thought she was katherine (meanwhile it only took damon .5 seconds to realize she was someone else entirely, but that’s another topic entirely), and then he deliberately inserted himself into her life because, in his words, ‘i have to know her’. he never gave a thought to how his presence in her life might affect her (or rather, he did, and tormented himself about it in his internal monologue, but never let this actually dissuade him from disrupting her life), and elena would wind up blaming herself for every tragedy that befell her friends and loved ones as a result of getting mixed up in vampire bullshit even though none of it was her fault--she literally blamed herself for existing but most of the fandom didn’t give a fuck about that lmfao--and stefan did shit like find out that she was adopted and then withhold this information from her until she got pissed about another secret he was keeping (her resemblence to katherine) and drop it on her to try and distract her from her very reasonable anger, and like... i should stop before this becomes a whole rant about how much i hate stefan fucking salvatore, but the point is, he did a lot of really sketchy shit he never answered for and elena never really took him to task for, and the fandom just kept eating up his insistence that he was the Good Brother and therefore he deserved to have elena, and if she didn’t want him anymore it was because she was a heinous bitch who didn’t deserve him.

uh.....i think i got off track there. and there’s probably a lot of shit i missed, like i think i was incandescent with rage for most of seasons 5 and 6 so i missed a lot of the interfandom shit cause i was too busy being increasingly pissed off at the show itself, but if nothing else this should give you an idea of how much of a goddamn cesspit the fandom was while the show as in its prime. there’s a reason both the show and the fandom have such a lousy reputation lmfao.

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[overwatchshotz]

Couples fight (reaperxF!reader) 1

Just writing a collection of moments where you and our beloved Reaper argue like couples do sometimes. But there are always sweet endings with our edgy man.

Warnings: Female pronouns, cussing, mentions of sexual activity. And physical fighting (one sided) that turns into kissy faces.

-×-

She had an attitude today, she was tired, she was bored, and she missed him terribly. But he was always just gone. Work she could understand, she worked with him, but lately he was just gone for hours sometimes days even. And she was getting sick of that. If he didnt want her, tell her, she rather cry her tears tonight and be moving on the next day.

"I'm back." His voice heard in the for the most part silent room, she was reading. "For how long?" She asked. Her tone not pleasant, he could pick up on that as soon as he entered the room, just from body language alone. "A while" he said going over to her to try his luck with a simple move of the mask and kiss on top of her head. "So 5 minutes?" She asked. He rolled his eyes. Starting to take off his hood and coat. He had a very long day.

"Oh my God, those are actually removable?" She gasped raising her brow. He tossed his garments onto an armchair beside him, mask gone, only his scarred face and goatee, still nicely groomed. His brown orbs now a reddish color. He combed his beard with her fingers now free from his usual clawed gauntlets. "Is there an issue?" He asked. "Perhaps....are you going to stay long enough to actually talk about it?" She asked putting her bookmark in her book and tossing it to the coffee table.

He stood there arms now crossed. "Speak." He saying simply. "What have you been doing whenever you arent around, or not on missions?" She asked. "Afraid I'm unfaithful? Never took you as the type." He said amusement in his gruff tone. "I've heard rumors about you being unfaithful to your past organization...so you ARE the type maybe." She said with even more amusement when his eye seemed to twitch. She wasn't with him during those days, they became an item after he joined Talon.

"Watch it..." he warned. "No, you watch it. I want to know where you've been going and why." She wasnt afraid of him in the slightest, she was never afraid of anyone in her life, it's something he liked about her. "It's none of your business Y/N..." he was getting pissed. "It is my business if you want to keep getting between my legs Gabriel. I dont sleep with cheaters nor traitors." She said sternly. "I'm not the one getting between your legs sweetheart, you crawl onto my dick." He chuckled at the look of her face. He could play the game of who can piss off the other just as well as she could.

"Now tell me princess, what did daddy say no to that has you so pouty?" He asked in a mocking manner. Knowing she hated to be called princess. ((In this situation anyway)) and in a moment, he moved his head to the side dodging a oncoming fake plant (they were not around enough to take care of real ones). "F*ck you! You know what fine dont tell me, but whatever you're up to, I hope she, he or it is worth it and if you f*ck up I'm not backing you!" She got up the chair she said in and went for the door.

He was infront of her in seconds, "You're not walking away from me, and you will not walk out of here making a scene..." now if she wasnt so mad at him, him being so tall and towering over her, she would have been turned on, but right now she wanted to hit him. "I'll make biggest scene and show you how I could have been an actress." She said. "How dramatic you are I dont doubt it." He said, that's it. She pushed him back against the door and her fist went to his face, he moved his head and her fist went through the door.

"Come at the king....best not miss...and you're the only one who got a chance to try twice." He said. " 3..." she corrected and brought her knee up to get him in the stomach, he grabbed her leg and shoved her backward. Their living quarters was like a studio apartment, she stumbled onto the bed on her back. "Always loved seeing you like that..." he was sounding playful. "You better start taking me seriously..." she growled as she grabbed a lamp and threw it at him too, he wisped and was behind her now.

"Hard to when you're acting like a child throwing a tantrum..." his arms wrapped around her, holding her to him tightly, she kicked her legs trying to get him to falter in some way. "Now let me guess what's really wrong...." he grunted when she bit his arm. "You're lonely, horny, and bored. And I have been too busy for your liking and you're insecurities, which I'm surprised you have any, are making you come up with insane theories." He grunted again when she managed to stretch her leg up and behind his head, the position forcing him to let go and she got his arm, they wrestled a little bit,but she but him in an arm bar.

"F*ck" he grunted. "You will tell me what you've been up to, or we are over..." she threatened as she tightened her hold. Despite all this, he loved her, and he sighed, getting his other arm and managing to grab his own hand and started to lift her, forcing the arm bar to break and she let go, her body landing on the bed, her body bouncing in a delightful way in his sight.

"What If you couldnt know?" He said looking down at her, exhausted. "You know how many things I told you that you couldnt know? Just tell me if you're screwing around with someone else just tell me so I could get up, get out and move on." She said. "Y/N..." he sighed, she was going to be mad either way. "I'm not seeing anyone sexually...or romantically...besides you. If you want to label us that." He said. "Then?" She nudged him with her foot.

"I've been trying to fix myself..." Gabe finally said. "Fix yourself?" She said slowly, trying to understand. "Yes, I want to be normal again...I'm tired of my body feeling like its constantly on fire, I hate when my face decays and I have to go a week sometimes weeks without kissing you." "Who have you been seeing?" She asked. He gave her a look, he's trying to open up here and she's still on that question. "The one who turned me into this...monstrosity..." he sounded sad, disgusted with himself. He should have never aloud Moria to help him...she was helping herself...and left him to rot...literally then regenerate, he was in pain most of the time, even when he and Y/N are together he hid the fact, something he became pretty good at.

"So me touching you, hurts you?" She asked. "In the last 10 minutes, yes..." he joked. But she felt horrible. "Then why would you be with me if you're in constant pain?" She asked. "Because of a silly little L word...besides, its most of the time, it seems when I have you, that sensation overtakes the pain..." he smirked at the small blush on her face. "Go to someone else...to help you I mean...Moria won't help, she'll probably just experiment more in the name of finding a cure..." she said.

He sighed "I there is no one else..." he said. She now wrapped her arms around his neck, "Not true, you see here's the thing, I know people...people that even Talon can't connect with...very special friends that If I call would love to meet you." She said, lips brushing against him, barely connecting. "And how come you've never mentioned them?" He asked his hands going to her hips. "It's your fault, you don't let me in...how am I supposed to know these things if you dont talk" she said. "Point taken....in Talon you never know who your friends are..." he said. "True but then why do you let me "crawl onto your dick" hmmm?" She raised a brow. He chuckled "You're cute...that's why." "Bull...I think it has something to do with that silly L word you were mentioning." She pressed. "Maybe I "Like" you...just a little bit..." he said.

She kissed his lips slowly, pressing herself more into him. She missed his lips. "Bull" she said pecking his lip. "Mmmmm maybe I like you a little more than a bit..." he said, she kept pecking his lips "bull..." she said again. He hummed, laying her down, getting ontop of her. "Alright, alright....since you literally twisted my arm...I love you..." he said. "Love you too...asshole..." she said making nip at her lip. "I think I need relief (pet name of your choice)..." "Go to Moria..." she said playfully making him growl and kiss her hard, she laughing into the kiss.

Ah Silly little L word...

~End~

Hope you enjoyed, as always Gif is not mine, and if you guys would like me to write something, use that ask box. And I will write it hopefully. I will put up a notice and "rules" soon.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

WIP Wednesday: Final Chapter of “Early Days”

Aaah, I can’t believe I’m at the last chapter of my first long fic! (Well, first in...let’s not talk about how many years...) 

For those following our progress, that means Aziraphale and Crowley have left the Garden of Eden, and I will no longer have access to tons of useful GIFs related to my story.

It also leaves me at a bit of a loss as to what to say today. There’s almost nothing I can talk about that isn’t a spoiler! And I know, people say “if telling the ending ruins your story, it’s not a good story,” but as a reader (and consumer of TV shows, movies and other media), one of my favorite parts is that “aHA/oSHIT” moment when you finally figure out what’s going on, and it’s something you only get to experience once per story.  So when I talk about spoiling, I’m talking about specifically ruining that moment for people, which again, is one of my favorites.

Also, it’s just super hard to talk about endings out of context?

But I suppose there is one thing that’s fairly well foreshadowed and doesn’t count as a spoiler in any major way: Gabriel shows up, and he’s an ass.

So yeah. I started writing “Early Days” less than a month after GO aired, and I wasn’t much involved in the fan community at first, so I had no idea how Gabriel was received.  But I haaaaaaaated him. Well, that’s a strong word; people tend to use that term for characters that they wish wouldn’t show up at all, but I love a villain who I can just REALLY DISLIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL and Gabriel gets pretty close to that.

I enjoy a character that makes my skin crawl. Who makes me throw up my hands and shout “WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THE THING?!” Who occasionally does something so awful your brain has to stop and recalculate.

Heaven in Good Omens is AT LEAST as terrifying as Hell, and Gabriel just makes suuuuch a good “face” for it. I really wanted him to show up at the end of “Early Days” and be a complete ass to poor Aziraphale.

BUT, as I said, I wasn’t much involved in the fandom yet, and wasn’t sure how this would be received. I suspected (and it turned out I was right) that he had some fans - some who like him because they find him redeemable, some who just like him as he is, some who ship him with Beelzebub (which... ???? ...but I guess there is a certain logic to that, I can see it) - and I didn’t want to deal with a deluge of Gabriel fans complaining about my story.

(Yes, I was raised feral in the comment sections of FF.net and the flame-war ridden Harry Potter boards, where if you thought someone portrayed a character OOC you just told them, and then insulted their entire family and told them to give up writing. It left its scars...)

So I considered introducing an original character to play Aziraphale’s superior here. I do ultimately go that route for certain things - I’ve mentioned Briathos, Aziraphale’s commander during the War in Heaven, because Gabriel clearly is not one to actually fight; I’ve also got a new Archangel I hope to introduce down the line, once I’ve got some characterization issues sorted out; and I’m working on an OC demon to be a former superior of Crowley’s - but the scene called for a familiar character, and ultimately one thing decided me:

Gabriel is abusive. 

The whole structure of Heaven is pretty emotionally abusive, but Gabriel is in a lot of very small, sometimes petty ways. He’s controlling, he’s insulting, he’s manipulative, he gaslights, and just generally makes Aziraphale’s life awful.  Look at Aziraphale’s face every time they talk. Look at his overbearing body language. Look at the “material objects” scene - he literally can’t be bothered to remember the name of the thing Aziraphale loves most (well, they fall between Crowley and Food) while in a shop that sells them because Aziraphale, as a person, is just that unimportant to him.

But, perhaps more importantly, it’s the way he’s so BLOODY CHEERFUL about it. There’s a certain genuineness to Gabriel that honestly makes it all worse. He tells Aziraphale to “lose the gut” in the voice of someone who really thinks a bit of gentle ribbing is all the motivation someone needs to lose weight (stop it); he laughs about how “humans are so simple” in a way that’s meant to suggest inclusivity don’t worry, I don’t think *you’re* simple, not this time (you’re an ass); he tosses out “of course there has to be a war, how else would we win it?” with the casualness of someone who never thinks of other possible solutions (I hate you); and right before the so-called “trial” he walks past Crowley-as-Aziraphale and pats his shoulder as if to say “don’t worry, this won’t be that bad” right before berating him and ordering him to kill himself (ARG I DONT EVEN TOUCH HIM YOU MONSTER!!)...

As you can see, thinking about it sends me into a bit of a rage spiral.

But the point is: to Gabriel, this is what being a warm, genuine, loving person looks like. As far as he is concerned, he is being the best possible authority figure, gently encouraging Aziraphale to be the best possible angel, by viciously cutting away everything he doesn’t like about him. He’s completely internalized his own propaganda, to the point where he’s forgotten what love ACTUALLY looks like.

Which, in turn, means that the angels - who, as Michael Sheen once put it, are beings of pure love - are being twisted by their leader to have a wholly distorted view of what love IS.

Which means Aziraphale ALSO doesn’t really understand love.  Think about it.

Smiles like this one only come after Crowley does something FOR HIM. He pouts and scowls about his jacket being ruined until Crowley removes the stain, and then out comes the smile he knows Crowley wants. I’m not saying it’s fake.  Its real.  Like at those eyes.  He can’t maintain eye contact for more than three seconds before he has to distract himself by pretending to be a gun expert.

But in the economy of Heaven, a sign of affection is a reward for services rendered. It’s not something freely given.

I’m sure you can find counter examples of this - in the show and even in my own writing - that show Aziraphale being affectionate without prompting. I mean, he is different; he’s not wholly caught up in the propaganda of Heaven. But he is deep enough that he constantly manipulates the person he loves most and doesn’t see that as in any way problematic; he’s deep enough that when Gabriel tells him TO HIS FACE that he will fail with the Anti-Christ and no one cares, he doesn’t see any warning signs; he’s deep enough that breaking free will take more than a little hand-holding and laughing at the Ritz.

So, in conclusion. Seeing Gabriel be abusive towards Aziraphale leads me to consider the effects of that long-term abuse on our favorite angel. This, in turn, leads me to wonder about the relationship dynamic between him and Crowley - both before and after the Notpocalypse. And to wonder what exactly it will take to get them both healed - which is shaping up to be a major theme of the post-Notpocalyse portion of “Sawdust of Words.”

Which you can find here on AO3!

(Side note: Crowley also has his issues, though he does hide them a bit better. One of my upcoming long stories, “What it Means to Be a Demon” explores this side of him a bit more and...oh lord does it get real dark real quick sorry in advance.)

[nikvs-blog]

pov rp: i try to wink at u but i close both eyes like jinsoul in this gif <3 SBJDWBDJWBDJ hello im xan im 22 & from the est timezone i use she / her pronouns & ur watching disney channel. is this super late ? yea...but thats super on brand for me its fine its fun its sexy so * jugkook vc* let’s get it !

— jung jinsoul. she/her. cis female. | was that niko seo i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the twenty-two year old spends most of their time working as a waitress, but i’ve always just seen them scribbling poetry on napkins. they live in 3A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of making wishes on falling stars, silk ribbons adorning messy ponytails, and breakfast at midnight.

BACKSTORY

so miss niko was born in a teeny tiny suburban town in north carolina to a pair of  young high school sweethearts ! unfortunately her mom passed away during childbirth so it was a very bittersweet arrival into the world for baby niko

her dad was a mechanic who never made it to college since his girlfriend got pregnant towards the end of their senior year. they got married before niko was born though because they were pretty serious abt raising her right but they never really got the chance to /: but her dad loved his job he loved working with cars & it was something his own dad did before him plus it was a job the town really valued since it was so tiny ( u really only needed one of everything )

when i say tiny i mean everyone knows everyone tiny. growing up the town kinda pitied niko bc of her mom dying so to compensate everyone kinda tried to do their part in raising her ! her neighbors were just as much of a parent to her as her own dad was, and everyone had stories abt her mom so niko kinda appreciated how small the town was.....sometimes

that changed as she got older ! when she started high school her dad kinda entered a rough patch & started drinking more with his buddies, started working less, and niko started getting calls from the sheriff at 2 am like “hey we’re gonna keep ur dad for the night he didnt do anything crazy but he got a little too drunk u can pick him up tomorrow” sort of thing 

she was there for him every time but it got kinda overwhelming knowing everyone was in her family's business & how much kids would gossip at school or adults would give her sad looks

basically she kinda just....became very disillusioned with her reality & began to realize no one around her was really.....happy or had big dreams and their entire lives revolved around this tiny town which scared her

but also ? it had started becoming her life, too. she was voted prom queen senior year, she had a job at a diner where the same people ate everyday, she’d been dating the same boy for four years and everyone talked about how they’d probably get married soon. she’d become exactly like everyone else without even realizing it....she didnt have some big dream.....she didnt even have plans for college she was just so stuck

and then disaster hit the summer after she graduated high school. her dad had crashed right into a tree on a rainy night trying to drive home after a night out drinking & died on impact. the news honestly didnt feel real to her until her grandparents were helping her clear out her house so she could come move in with them 

which is when she finds her mom’s old diary ! and boy was that thing . fat & juicy ... it had all four years worth of her mom’s high school years inside and niko became ...obsessed with it. all she did that summer her dad died was read her mom’s old diary learning more abt the woman from those pages than she ever had from the mouths of everyone in her town

 thats how she found out her mom had always dreamed of moving to some city like seattle and starting this new life once she found out she was pregnant with niko ! so niko was like ok this has to be a sign....told her grandparents she loved them but she couldnt stay in north carolina.....and boop ! she pretty much disappeared from the town, didnt tie up any lose ends ( including her bf of four years who she was kinda engaged to ? JSDBJBDJ ) because she just had to leave that bad. 

cue a scene on bus with niko looking out the window as some dramatic song abt new beginnings plays . JSDBJSBDJW seattle was truly her new start at 18 ... and all she wanted to do was just ... reinvent herself 

so she did ! first thing she did was get a job as a waitress bc uh ur girl was BROKE broke but she knew she was good at serving. the first year was.....pretty rough there’s no sugar coating it niko was struggling bad, probably living in some questionable apartment when she wasnt coach hopping at her coworker’s places. despite all this she was....insanely happy she really believed ( and still does ) seattle is magic !

she was working at a diner ironically, just like she had been back home, but this diner changed her life about a two years ago. one day one of her regulars ( a very well off lawyer who worked downtown ) told her she was way too pretty and charming to be serving at a place like this & that he had a buddy who owned an upscale restaurant near his job downtown & that he could probably get niko a job there if she wanted

so she was like UH hell yes....showed up the next day at this fancy restaurant, charmed the pants off the owner, and the rest ? is history !  she moved into hideaways a bit after getting this new job & has been there ever since <3

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS

personality wise niko is kinda ....hard to figure out. she doesnt do it on purpose, she’s just still learning about who she is and what she really wants. back home in north carolina she was kind of the small town golden girl, loved by everyone type of deal but also very romanticized by those around her ??? ppl thought she was brilliant and knew so much about everything when the truth was she just knew a little about a lot. she would read to escape the suburban boredom of her reality & took a special interest in things like art and poetry and astronomy. shes the type to want to share the stuff she’s learned with those around her

in seattle since no one knew her the way they did back home, niko decided she wanted to keep it that way. because of this and because shes so hesitant to talk about her family sometimes she can come across as mysterious but she’s a surprisingly open person !! she’s naturally super curious and friendly and she’s found it really helps to be the kind of person people want to get to know and trust when working in the service industry. she’s got the type of aura about her that makes you feel as if maybe you’ve known her forever, even if she’s only told you one thing about herself ( which is often the case) . can probably make anyone feel at home within five minutes of talking to her & you won’t even realize how she’s doing it. her boss swears she’s charming enough to sell honey to a bee ! 

she’s also got a flighty side though that comes out when you get too close. niko’s great at relationships when they aren’t deep, but the moment you start and figure her out and see past the smiley walls she’s got up she recoils fast. in a way she’s terrified of anyone knowing too much about her because she’s scared that once they do they’ll pity her, and niko can’t stand being pitied. she’s also super good at dishing out affection but not so good at receiving it. the type to fall in love then right back out of love in one day. kinda a heart breaker bc of this but she doesn't mean to be, she just gets infatuated kinda easily & isn’t very good at keeping things serious ever since literally running away from her long-time ex in north carolina JSBCSJBDJW 

some fun facts: she wants to get a cat and name it cat so bad but she’s not sure she’d be a good pet mom so she just settles for petting stray cats in public. 100% that weirdo crouching in the street making kissy noises because she saw a cat and wants to pet it. she can name just about every constellation & loves to sit outside and look at the stars on clear nights, usually while smoking a joint . she’s a hardcore lightweight .... im talking one tequila shot and she’s floored ... two glasses of wine and she’s taking her top off  then crying kinda deal like she CANNOT handle her liquor so she tries to keep partying to a minimum. she’s got a collection of napkins from work were people have scribbled their phone numbers onto as well as a collection of napkins niko herself has scribbled on. she mostly writes poems and sometimes she even leaves a napkin with a poem on it behind at a table like a little gift for whoever sits there next. she’s probably always writing poems for all her friends or infatuations so if you’re in her life....you’ve gotten one at some point ! 

the only thing she brought with her from north carolina were all her records. she’s got a pretty extensive collection that ranges from donna summer to louis armstrong to led zeppelin & when she finally got a record player of her own in seattle it was probably the best day of her life <3 she really likes to watch scary movies but also they scare her so bad so it’s a cycle of oh yes lets watch this.....fuck why did i do that.....im sleeping with the lights on rinse & repeat. she really likes to cook ! she learned at a pretty early age out of necessity but now she does it for her own pleasure also because of her growing interest / knowledge in the restaurant industry. her wardrobe is 95% thrifted and 5% stolen from miscellaneous people ( her dad, old boyfriends, hookups, friends, etc. ) is a notorious hoodie thief so dont lend her yours......

and this is WAY too long im.....so sorry this literally always happens aha <3 yes i ramble but thats bc . i have a lot to say and i also have a lot of love to give ! spare some plots ? we can im on tumblr but i am 100% easier to reach on discord  @ EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172 so hit me up there & lets get this show on the road baby ! 

[sailorshadzter]

here’s me compiling all of my thoughts on episode 1 of season 8!! or at least the thoughts i deemed important enough lmao. big focus on jonsa, political jon, and the starks in general. 

under the cut for SPOILERS + length. 

shout out to all of the amazing content creators out there who have already gif’d this episode. ya’ll are amazing!

anyways, here we go! ps. things could be out of chronological order, sorry lol

lets jump right in with dany and jon arriving at winterfell. i really enjoyed the call back to season 1 bran scrambling up as high as he could to watch robert baratheon & company arrive. 

we have them riding in among dany’s army, looking quite like the royal “couple” they want us to believe they are. dany doesnt look particularly interested to even be there and i think it’s because she’s upset at how everyone is looking at her. jon reminds her that the north isnt easy to impress, that they dont look kindly at foreigners. this isnt pleasing to her. dany has to be loved, by everyone. she cant stand thinking not everyone is on her side. in her mind they have to support her because she’s the queen. 

but she’s not queen, not yet at least. 

next comes the dragons. 

the northerners run, some screaming in fear, others just stumbling in an attempt to find shelter from the dragons that fly overhead. and just look at dany’s face. look at her! what a smug little smile, i hope she enjoys it because she’s got a lot coming to her this season.

i hate this, i just want everyone to know. i still like dany but this arrogant, mocking girl is driving me insane and it’s only episode 1. what little bit of likeness i had for her will fade real fast at this rate. she’s glad the people fear her dragons and thus fear her. she knows the northerners probably will never come around to her and bend so she’s going to get them on her side the only way she knows how: her dragons. 

lets be real- dany has nothing on her own. she’s nothing but a pretty face with a cold heart capable of dark, brutal things. but what if there werent any dragons? what would she be without them? who would fear her then? sure, she’s got a big ass army... but armies can be beaten. armies can be led astray by their own leaders doing. so yeah, she’s got an army but in the end, thats not foolproof. but dragons? those are pretty damn foolproof (unless you send your ~romantic interest~ off on a suicide mission that ends up costing you one of said dragons). she’s going to try and coerce everyone in the north through fear and it might work on the common folk, but wait til she meets the Starks.

yeah, do these girls look afraid?

not at all.

youre a man. almost. 

 i low key teared up at their reunion. it was sweet. plus it was nice to see bran in a more human moment. he’s always so robotic, i thought it was nice to hear him joke a little. 

as jon is looking at bran, you can see the moment he realizes sansa is looking at him. he pulls back from bran and turns to her (wow she looks beautiful, i cant even get over that). 

(gif by @stark)

sansa opens her arms to jon and i have to admit... the hug felt almost lackluster... at first. once i watched it a second and third time, i started seeing the things i didnt see the first time. 

for one thing- it was so amazing in the trailer because we could see jon’s face. kit is so incredible at his facial expressions and you knew exactly what jon was feeling the moment he saw sansa. with sansa, she’s very subdued- but its definitely done on purpose. obviously, she’s happy to see jon but she’s angry with him too. and dozens of people are there watching them, including this queen he’s brought with him. she has to be careful. 

(gif by @stark)

this instant, ever since i saw the trailer, ive thought jon whispered something to her. that’s why her eyes immediately flick up and pin their focus on dany who is standing just across the courtyard. we dont hear jon say anything but that doesnt mean he doesnt. what i find interesting about this is how in the episode, we’re shown sansa’s face and her emotional reactions to whats happening, but we dont see jon’s. in the trailer, it cuts to sansa’s eyes as soon as jon reaches her embrace, so we never see jon’s face in this scene. meaning, we dont see his lips ever move. i still want to believe he whispers something to her, but i almost feel like sansa would have referenced it later in the episode when they speak privately. but, you never know! 

next we have jon introducing sansa to dany, which as we all suspected, did not go well. 

as dany walks up, she’s smiling, her tone charming. her eyes are wide and she looks soft- she’s good at this. notice how no one in the courtyard moves, no one kneels or even bows in dany’s presence as they had once done for robert baratheon. this is not their queen. 

i literally laughed as dany said this. 

she’s trying desperately to come across as likable. she knows most of the north won’t bow to her without the backing of this girl and while she has her dragons to instill fear, she probably does want sansa to like her. she’s in love with her “brother” after all. they’d be sisters, so they should get along, right? 

wrong. 

sansa sees right through her. she’s good at finding a liar- she’s spent her whole life around them. learning from them, the best of them. you cant lie or manipulate sansa stark. not anymore. 

(gif by @cptainsrogers)

whew boy, that’s the face of someone who’s pissed. how quickly she changes!! as soon as sansa speaks, she loses her smile and blinks and she breathes in. she’s trying to restrain herself and keep a calm, cool composure. but its written all over dany’s face here- she’s not happy. 

again, im reminded that this is a woman who cant be told no and who doesnt like when someone isnt falling over themselves to please her. sansa is clearly not impressed with dany and she’s not afraid to let her know that. she’s calm, polite, but her tone & face says everything her words cant. 

bran interrupting was great. 

he sees what’s going on here and he’s right, now isnt the time for a little cat fight. he tells them that the night king has a dragon & dany’s reaction is clear she didn’t know that yet (right? i could be forgetting lol) & basically there’s like 100 other things they need to think about right then. which to be fair is totally true. but i had hoped to see a little more between sansa & dany.  what i loved though was jon didn’t look at dany when bran mentioned the night king having her dragon, he looked at sansa. 

now i wanna talk about arya and jon’s reunion because

well... i have feelings.

while the initial reunion was really sweet & had me crying, it ended real quick

this scene is where i really noticed jon was “off” 

jon stoops down and puts a hand on her shoulder (which arya looks down at) as he talks to her. where were you before? i could have used your help with sansa. she doesnt like your queen, does she?

then we get this next line from jon.  

first things first, it’s almost like jon doesnt realize she’s grown up. he’s got his hand on her shoulder, down at her level like you would with a kid. i mean, he probably cant help it, can he? she’s always going to be his kid sister, after all. thats how he knows her and remembers her. not to mention he’s been pretending to be someone else around dany for a long time now, he’s trying to shake himself back into the person his family knows him as 

arya looks at his hand before she says she’s the smartest person i know. you’re defending her now? you?

like he cant really believe that these two sisters that only used to bicker and fight are getting along to the point that arya is defending her to him. this is where i get upset with jon because he’s been gone for how long now? has he even bothered to talk to sansa about all that happened at winterfell? has he even asked her anything about what’s been going on while he was gone? clearly not, or he would know how close arya and sansa have become in his absence. that they’d taken out littlefinger together, even! 

i’m defending my family. so is she. i’m her family too. 

that alone points me into the direction of political jon. he’s avoiding sansa because he’s less likely to control himself in front of her. he might spill the beans about what he’s up to and its not time yet. he cant let that happen, not until the right time. while we all know he’d be better off telling her and the other starklings, so they could fight as a united pack... jon hasn’t come to that conclusion yet. lets hope he gets there next episode, though. 

he sounds so sad, so dejected when he delivers his line. like, sansa should be defending him, smiling, just in general happy to see him back. he’s brought a massive army and dragons! he did what he thought was best for the north and he cant quite grasp why sansa would be upset with him. one of jon’s weaknesses is sansa and how he thinks she feels about him. he craves her approval and he knows she’s angry with him at this point. and man does that bother him. he thinks she should have ultimate faith in him, even though he doesnt really deserve that, does he? anyways, thats a conversation for later in the post.

ps i love that he looks around before saying im her family too. almost as if he’s afraid of being overheard. 

dont you ever forget that.

yeah i had to pause the show at this point just to compose myself. this second hug was just as sweet as the first and im glad it was there. it finished the scene out nicely. 

i love how we got this moment of them being addressed at the same time, in frame like this. i live for moments like this, with them side by side. 

we get a lot of talk back and forth about why jon bent the knee and of course we get lyanna mormont calling his dumb ass out. 

i was waiting for this scene too & it didnt disappoint me. 

also i find his choice of words interesting 

sansa looks back at him and she’s literally the embodiment of the shrug emoji. like bitch i told u so. she has zero sympathy for him and the mess he’s in with the northern lords because she fucking told him it would happen. 

tyrion gets up and tries to do some mega damage control because lets be real, this situation is getting nasty. he talks about dany’s amazing army and the dragons as if this will lighten the mood. he also mentions about the lannister army coming (lol) like this is what will get everyone on their side. 

sansa interrupts and god do i love her more than i ever did

finally someone asking the REAL questions. 

sansa has worried about feeding the entire north the whole time jon has been gone. she’s built up as much as she could to ensure her people didn’t starve to death come winter. now jon shows up with this queen and her massive army with not even a wagon load of grain. when it cuts to dany a moment later, you can see she’s visibly shaken by sansa’s comment. hmm, wonder why? it couldn’t be because she’d just burned TONS of food that could have been used to feed her army and the rest of the north out of spite, right? nah, couldn’t be. 

sansa spits out these words and just look at her face- she’s doing her best to control herself here but her mouth is a snarl and her eyes are narrowed. she’s got every right to be angry over this- her people will probably starve because this so called queen hasn’t provided anything for her own army and now sansa will have to figure it out herself. if she’s this angry already, imagine how she’s going to feel when she learns dany burned all that food when she burned the lannister army. 

what makes me angry here is dany’s response. whatever they want. she’s so fucking childish i cant stand it. like she’s so bent out of shape that sansa’s calling her out basically, she’s going to resort to these sort of comments. like, you keep calling yourself a queen, fucking act like it dany. not a jealous, spoiled little girl. id respect her a whole lot more if she’d stood up for herself and her dragons here but that was never going to happen. its out of her character, especially at this point in her story. her dragons really could never do any wrong, in her eyes. and at this point i wouldnt be surprised to hear her defend them burning houses, crops, or innocent people. 

this episode is not making me like dany anymore. i cant stand characters like her, good or bad ones. and we all know dany is trending bad these days. but sansa doesnt even respond which is fantastic- instead of listening to her, everyone is focused on what dany had just said. we stan the real queen. 

im pretty sure next we see the bit between tyrion and sansa.

i didnt dislike the scene, it was actually pretty good. i especially liked the last time we saw each other was at joffrey’s wedding. dismal affair. it had it’s moments.

we also got this

not only is this true, we also later hear dany threaten sansa. 

interesting. 

but other than that, i didnt take much away from it. sansa was cool to him, as i expected her to be to anyone on dany’s side. tyrion may have been kind to her once, but as far as she’s concerned... he’s basically her enemy now. plus the whole scene before couldn’t have helped. 

somehwere in this we get all that junk with jon and dany. 

i... hated it. all of it. 

but after seeing it im 100% certain political jon is coming. his stiff demeanor with dany hasn’t changed, thats for sure. but what sold me was when dany threatened sansa. 

i’m queen, she must respect me or...

we all know  how jon “dont touch my sister or else” snow acts when someone mentions sansa around him in a way he doesnt like. the fact that jon barely even REACTS is clear in its message: he cant behave like he normally would. not with dany. he cant even go against her because he know how easy it is for her to become swayed. he cant lose control of the situation, not yet. i think he knows things are spiraling out of control more quickly than he anticipated. 

political jon must be a thing because there’s no reason for him to then roam across the north on a fucking dragon. the whole jonerys scene was as lackluster as they all have been and the kiss with drogon watching was very... weird. it felt ominous almost. there was no romance behind it, even if dany wanted there to be. 

but i think its very clear that dany feels threatened by sansa. she needs to be loved by everyone and sansa makes it clear she cares little if at all for her. queen or not, sansa doesnt respect her, nor like her, and she isnt afraid to make it known. i worry how dany is going to behave the deeper into this love triangle we get (because they sure arent being subtle about it). 

also, something i find interesting is the fact that dany would allow jon to ride her dragons at all. now that he has rode rhaegal he’s created a bond with the dragon, essentially taking him from dany’s control. she’s more or less lost 2 dragons now. and if you dont think jon would use this dragon against her to protect his family... then we must be watching two different shows.  

next comes jon’s scene with sansa (i think, at least its what im gonna talk about next lol). finally we get a glimpse of them alone! and god it doesnt disappoint me at all. i mean, id have loved to have more of it of course- yelling and even some tears, but we got something simple and hyper charged with both of their emotions. as always, the jonsa scenes get it done with as little as possible. 

we get a lot of angry stares and heavy sighs. its the same damn energy as the tent scene before the battle of the bastards. i love it. i fucking live for it. there’s so many things left unsaid between them and it makes me want their next scene that much more. literally, this scene was less than 2min long and i got so much from it. 

the scene opens and sansa is in her chamber, reading. the knock on the door sounds and she calls them in and she sighs when she sees it’s jon. the first thing i noticed was jon back in his old direwolf armor- he changed clothes before coming to her rooms- and then sansa paraphrases what the letter she’s holding says. jon parrots back lord glover’s words to them back when they met and thats when sansa gets up, very clearly angry, and says i will stand behind jon snow, the king in the north. she whips around to look at him and walks across the room like she wants to do something else entirely. i told you we needed allies. you didnt tell me you were going to abandon your crown.

this is where jon explodes, much how he explodes back in the tent scene with her. i never wanted a crown! i wanted to protect the north! he tells her, then goes on to say he brought with him an army and 2 dragons. this is where i wish we would have had more- sansa yelling at him about did he even think of how they would feed them all, specifically. but we get a lot of ~emotion~ and im living for every second. 

(gifs by @desired-paradise)

as soon as jon finishes ranting, he heaves a huge sigh (first gif). then he closes his eyes, thinking for a moment, before breaking down an asking her if she has faith in him. look at her face- she’s so hurt. they’re both hurting, honestly. what i love about jonsa scenes is how soft and vulnerable they both are during them. they let down their walls and open their hearts to the other. 

i think that’s why jon is so hurt by how sansa has been treating him since his return. he thinks he deserves her ultimate trust not realizing how he really doesnt deserve it. not,yet. you know i do. despite it all, she does have faith in him. but that doesnt mean she isnt angry or upset with him. and it doesnt change how she feels about dany. trust is not something that comes easy to sansa, not anymore. how can she be expected to trust a complete stranger when even those who were supposed to care about her turned on her? when for so long everyone around her was nothing beyond abusive and harmful. this girl trusts no one but her family and jon should get that better than anyone. 

but he thinks because its him, he gets a pass from her. that because of all they’ve been through together sansa should automatically know where his heart is and the truth of him. but how can she? he’s been gone all this time, promising to find them allies, not a queen that they didn’t ask for or even want. he promised them allies that would help them, not doom them to starvation.

when sansa speaks, he takes a step forward, almost like he thought of reaching for her. but he thinks better of it and says something about how she’ll be a good queen, yada yada. 

 and then... sansa drops this bomb

we never get jon’s answer because thats it, the scene just fucking ends there. like alright guys, thats fine i didnt want the answer anyways. i know jonerys fans are insisting he doesn’t answer because we already know the answer to that. but its not that easy. 

the set up between jon and sansa can’t be for nothing. the back story from season 6 cant just  be a random addition. so many lines that will come back this season (ill protect you, i promise. you are to me. ect) and i cant wait for that. 

next i want to talk about when dany and jorah meet with sam. 

first off, i have to say its weird that jorah has never told dany his name? is that just me? anyways. the scene opens and it reminds me a lot of the feel from her first meeting with sansa. dany is smiling, jovial. this is the man that saved jorah from death and she wants to thank him personally. their conversation goes well- in fact, its kind of sweet how sam behaves. he’s honored to be standing before her, being addressed by her, because he doesnt know who daenerys targaryen is yet. but he’s about to find out.

similarly to how dany reacted when sansa didn’t return her compliment, she goes from soft and smiling to hard and somewhat aggressive.

we go from this: 

to this:

(image from @snowsjohn)

in record time. as soon as sam mentions his name, it registers with dany and she asks him if he meant randyll tarly. that’s when she immediately, without sympathy, tells him she executed his father. you can see sam get visibly upset but he’s doing his best to keep it together, saying at least i can go home now, which by the way... is fucking heartbreaking. now that his brother is in charge he could go back home and be with his family when this whole thing was over. oh nope, dany tells him she executed his brother too. 

how anyone can stand behind this queen, ill never understand. this scene was so sad for sam & so unfeeling for dany. she doesnt even have the sense to pretend to be remorseful for what she’s done to this man’s family. and when sam does leave, she looks upset- but not because of what she’d done to his family. because now she’s in trouble and she knows it. again, they’re making it incredibly easy to dislike dany and they’re doing it for a reason. 

dark dany is coming for us. it’s going to all be revealed in the next two episodes, without a doubt. 

last but not least, i want to talk about sam telling jon the truth of who his parents were. 

(gifs by @kitsn0w)

i loved this whole scene.

while i was really surprised they told jon so early (and that it was sam alone) i enjoyed the shock. i didn’t honestly anticipate the reveal until at least episode 2, if not the third at the latest. but, it added something to the first episode- a similar shock value the first episode of the first season left us with. 

what i take from this scene is a few things, mostly how upset jon seems just to realize that this means ned lied to him his whole life. who gives a fuck about the truth, why didn’t ned just tell him all along? but when sam says the line about robert killing him, he seems to calm down a little. 

what else is interesting is jon’s lack of defending dany here. if he loved her as we’re supposed to believe, wouldnt he have said something beyond this is treason. id expect a “what will i say to her?” or “i cant take this from her, its all shes ever wanted’ or even “its hers, not mine.” anything else! but we got nothing in terms of jon defending dany’s right to the crown. 

and when sam asks him if dany would give up her crown for his people as jon had done, we don’t get jon’s answer. similarly to his scene being cut off with sansa, its done here as well, and we’re only left wondering what he would say. why wouldn’t they let him say? if he loves dany so much, wouldn’t he jump at this chance to defend her? especially to sam, who’s going to have a hell of time going forward now that he learned what dany did to his family. more so, it’s not yet been revealed that she burned them alive. what will they say then? when they realize that? 

i guess we’ll find out next episode, especially now that jaime is in winterfell. im really excited to see what episode 2 brings & im hoping for more dark dany & more private moments among the starks. 

overall, i really did enjoy the episode. i think there were things that could have been done better or differently,  but i think the episode set us up for a lot of good things to come!

in conclusion:

- jonsa is endgame & jonerys is doomed. sorry guys. 

- political jon theory is confirmed (in my mind at least)

- sansa is still the queen of sass.

- arya & gendry flirting is adorable (im sorry i know i didnt talk about them)

- WHERE. IS. GHOST?

thanks for reading!

[something-tofightfor]

The Punisher Season 2: Episodes 1-5

My reactions as I watched these episodes: 

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. I literally tagged it four different ways for spoilers so if you read them after this it’s your own damn fault. 

1: Roadhouse Blues HE IS IN BED WITH A WOMAN THINKING OF KAREN WHAT THE FUCK “Take the good when it comes” AND HES THINKING OF BILLY ALONG WITH THE KIDS MY FUCKING MIND IS BLOWN Frank is so comfortable around kids. This is going to end horribly. He’s gonna go back to this bar and all hell is going to break loose. Frank with blood dripping out of his nose is a MOOD Bathroom fight = Bar fight... not even an episode in and he’s already shot. Sucks to be you Beth. MADANI. Drinking at the foot of Billy’s bed. “Sweet dreams asshole” IVE MISSED THOSE EYES. 

2: Fight or Flight Oh look they’re in Ohio. PLEASE OH PLEASE LET HIM SAY RACHEL BECAUSE HEARING JON BERNTHAL GRUNT MY NAME WOULD BE HEAVEN Aaaaaaand there’s his ass HE IS DIGGING A BULLET OUT OF HIS ASS AND NOW SHE IS YIKES And now he’s grunting “get it” - I CANT. She’s lying. She’s a liar. Lying. And he knows it. He’s gonna be pissed when he realizes how young she is but she’s now ziptied to the bed - and now he’s duct taping her mouth shut this is wonderful and i hope it stays this way for 11 more episodes MADANI IS A GODDAMN MESS Broken Billy is going to be a problem for me. And at this point I feel like he genuinely doesn’t remember. Beth is lying for Frank. Interesting. ....  nevermind HE JUST SAID MY NAME .... you did have to get involved didn’t you, Frank. I DO like this girl calling him out though .... back to the tape and zip ties. My god billy is so anxious about his face he turns to the side to take his medication. the last thing he remembers is fucking being in the barracks. “Frank was your friend?” “My brother” OH MY GOD His memory is only there for a few minutes at a time. GODDAMN. Pilgrim doesn’t want to hear swearing... hmmmmmm - he’s connected to this girl in a more meaningful way than i thought before. HI RAFI. I AGREE WITH YOU. Madani is convinced that billy is faking. LET IT GO this girl is pointing a gun at frank. Yeah that’s not going to end well Oh look he killed a bunch of people and then ended up arrested .... Rachel, you’re.... a fucking horrible liar ... FRANK IN A DRUG RUG DINAH DREAMING ABOUT BILLY ON TOP OF HER AND NAKED - SAME MADANI SAME. that fucking little smirk. OH MY GOD “They died from terminal stupidity” 

3: Trouble the Water hello, Beverly Marsh. I see you in this creepy ass cult. The cadence of Pilgrim’s voice is both soothing and unsettling at the same time, how is this possible? So pilgrim is covered in faded white supremacy tattoos. That’s.... interesting. Frank is trying to warn these people. They should listen. Billy is avoiding sleep. His mannerisms are making me really nervous. He’s doing a good job. Holy shit he just handed those cops their asses. Why is Dumont limping BYE BILLY . Gif ... is.... Pilgrim trying to prove his faith to save his wife? Madani in a big friggin hurry to prove she was right, acting concerned - she still doesn’t get it Unless he’s truly playing them all LMAO DUMONT CALLING MADANI OUT ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND FICTION hi, brett! Good to see you! Madani stole the journal. Hmmm As always frank is the most aware person in the room and he still has no idea what’s going on Ogden’s gonna die. Nice knowing you kid. Picking them off one by one by one... this cult is full of snipers “Sweet boneless Jesus” is my new statement Oh the girl finally did something useful Police station shootout is actually pretty intense Ogden literally got shot in the stomach and still wants to help. That’s how we DO IT in Ohio Marlena is a bitch, but she is focused on frank. This very quickly became personal for her. .... oh. Frank castle literally set two men on fire with one bullet. My fucking hero Him sprinting around in this forest is incredible he’s like a murder gazelle Dinah shows up at the exact right time to save frank and to tell him that Billy broke out of the hospital... guess it’s time to go back to New York. WHAT IS ON THESE ANCIENT ASS FILM ROLLS?!?! who even uses film  cameras anymore 4: Scar Tissue I NEED TO SEE BILLY RUSSO IN THIS I GOT A BIG DICK T SHIRT Ok but where are you going IN YOUR SOCKS, sir? HI HELLO I SEE YOU IN THOSE GLASSES Madani still chewing her aspirin i see   Two locks on her bedroom door, madani is scared This crazy bitch is sleeping under the bed ... nevermind she’s crying not sleeping IM SO SAD HE PUT THE GODDAMN SHIRT ON INSIDE OUT Holy fuck the look on his face and in his eyes when he sees himself for the first time before the injuries. Oh my god oh my god Floriana Lima sucks. Billy went 6 months without decorating the mask. His eyes are so expressive goddamn Frank and Madani hate each other 6 week coma.... facial reconstruction... Billy was biding his time. Madani with his bloody punisher vest casually in her closet, ok. HI CURTIS. i see you’re better prepared Curtis believes Billy doesn’t remember. And he was listed as Billy’s next of kin... heartbreaking. Curtis is describing Billy and Frank with this single conversation. Interesting. Holy shit is he back at the group home?! Casual billy in jeans and a beanie.... yesssss WAIT ITS A FLASHBACK OH HELL YES BUT WHOSE FLASHBACK IS IT Moments of sleep... the mask... Oh fuck. Billy’s going to kill the dude that hurt him Oh fuck oh fuck Finally this dumb girl is opening up. And Frank just decided to keep himself inserted in this, but there’s never really been a choice for him I guess. Billy went to the group home and it was gone and thats the only place he had to go. Jesus, they’re really making you feel for him. He had nowhere and no one to go to so he went to his GODDAMN ABUSER. “You were a good looking kid. It’s a damn shame” FUCK HIM UP BILLY DONT YOU TAKE THAT SHIT Amy’s expression while listening to Madani and Frank 🤣🤣🤣 Oh this motherfucker just poked him in the chest and is bragging about what he did. COME ON BILLY KILL HIM Amy figuring out who frank is and what he did... hmmmmm Madani showing up at the house like a psychopath HOLY SHIT HE STABBED HIM IN THE CHEST WITH A MOP HANDLE ..... fuck. I swear if she takes advantage of him I’m going to scream Billy knows that he deserves what’s happened to him, but not WHY. That’s big. She’s suggesting redemption. ... he wants to see the best version of himself again. He wants to fix things. And i think he’s serious. I’m very conflicted 

5: One-Eyed Jacks Stack the deck - gotta be the dealer... good advice frank. Hi, Turk! Setting up a meeting.... interesting angle frank. Madani is having a nightmare at the same time billy is actually sleeping. Interesting. WHO SLEEPS IN A SILK NIGHTGOWN LIKE THAT madani is seeing billy without scars in her nightmares and sleeping with s gun under her pillow. “I don’t want to feel it, I want to kill it” ... She’s helping him, but i don’t know WHY. And i want to trust her but i just CANT Billy Russo just said “please” and “thank you” in the same conversation... and meant it. WHAT ARE THESE SCARS ON HER ARMS Frank agrees that Billy was right to kill Arthur. Ok back to the creepy cult Leave your dad alone, kid... he’s a little busy Oh frank is going to kill every single person in this gym. I could have done without the  Amy-splurging montage... unless she bought something worthwhile. NOT A DRILL BILLY FUCKING RUSSO IN A TOWEL holy hell is he ripped. I literally had to watch this scene like 4 times because i know it’s important but i couldn’t focus The snake and the rebirth idea is really interesting to me. “The sick are transformed by the healer’s art” .... she’s trying to transform billy. She’s trying to cleanse him... but for what purpose? Madani with Curtis. This is good. Maybe he can help her. Nevermind they’re lying to each other about frank. Madani opening up in the group.... interesting. She feels her life is ruined. Billy and this airman getting drunk is the buddy comedy i didn’t know i needed ... here comes the gym YIKES THAT DUDES FACE These people taking selfies in the bar... Billy’s going to get his photo taken He’s just trying to reconnect with another military man. I didn’t even think about that before   SWEAR TO GOD IF BILLY STARTS DOING COKE INTERESTING. He knows who billy is. Krista is horrified of heights.... interesting as hell. So she’s just as fucked as billy Ah fuck. Pilgrim is in New York.

[theythemsam]

spn 1x05, liveblog, collected posts (all 12 of them) or as i like to call it: the first episode that actually scared me, we get some insight into sam’s mind and i always cry during the last minute:

The funny thing about supernatural is that i still remember all the monsters, but after wendigo it’s honestly such an interesting first five seconds for me because that is when I’m trying to figure out which episode from the first season this is.

#like i remembered that there was an episode where the actress of root was in so i was like excited for that one #and i knew theres the airplane demon episode #and so on #but its always like Oh Yes. Its this episode! #but then the moment the episodes first seconds load im like OHHHHHHH #like i didnt know what was coming and then... #'okay truth or dare' and my brain went: BLOODY MARY! #asdfgh good to know that the obsession synapses still work after that many years

i do have to say i really like how they used the bloody mary lore though also as a way to explore the fact that sam had psychic powers, it’s so cool

#also imo thats afaik remember the first episode that really scared me? #i dont really know why but it felt... closer to home i guess? #maybe cause the people that caused it where children #so my brain was like: wow that could have been me!!! #instead of: driver hiking in the forest swimming in a lake or flying in an airplane #i didnt drive back then and had never flown in an airplane and swimming and hiking was just too far removed from my #couch potato ass at those moments (even though i did like doing it) but playing stupid games with friends on a dare? that was very close #idk also the nightmares are good that sam has

asdfg I love that they call bloody mary “you know who”

#my brain: Ah Voldemort!

why does that (jill?) (gill?) girl find it so funny to scare her friends? i dont know, but if i notice my friends are scared, i don’t give them a reason to be more anxious and then just say “youre such a freak” and hang up

#why does she have friends? #also that really short scene where /fall out boy/ is playing when she sits down to get bed ready #its just... its a lot. i love it

hey, the second non-white person with lines on the show! nice.

#my lists for pocpe is just error 404 not found for all the other episodes #cause theres not a single non white person #and like i guess? sometimes that makes sense? but its still sad #and this detective doesnt even have a name so aight #tbh the only other none white people i remember was a couple in phantom passenger but they were on screen for #literally like 2 seconds thats not enough time

Donna seeing Bloody Mary and freaking out in the classroom. Is that a Nightmare on Elm Street reference I Spy With My Little Eye?

#like obviously bloody mary is a the ring reference look wise #but idk it kinda gives me that vibe? #anygays idk

why does dean always have the nice colorschemes?

#listen theres always scenes with him where im like: ahh i wanna gif that #but then i remember... i dont wanna gif dean #at least not when i still have more important gifs to make #ugh but the colors are so pretty #i also dont want dean fans to follow me bc i will call that boy tf out #and i dont want to accidentally expose fans to that who didnt know that cause its a dick thing to do #so i dont want dean edits her #but the nice colors #i feel like a magpie just going: shiny!!!!!

I love how Dean tries to get his brother to stop blaming himself for Jessica’s Death

#especially the part where he says 'blame me' and sams like 'i dont blame you #and deans like 'well then you shouldnt blame yourself either' #cause idk thats what my friends always did for me when i was having a ptsd related self blame moment for my trauma #and they were like 'well if that happened to me would you blame me?' me *sniff sniff* 'no of course not that wouldnt be your fault' #them: giving me the most deadpan stare until it sinks in #idk it reminded me off that

heeell yeah, first bloody sam scene

#asdfghjk its such a nice scene to make edits with

at some point ill have to make an edit with sam and mirrors

#its a big thing as far as i remember

getting an insight into sam’s state of mind through ghosts/other supernatural creatures is also kinda a big thing

#like i think that also happens when meg possesses him #or generally like possession and ghosts #huh.... #intresting

honestly im so glad they changed how they have ghosts disappear, cause the way they did it so far is so incredibly gross i don’t have the words to describe it

#like not scary #just disgusting to look at with the melty face and all that  #ewww

[jaehyunskitten22]

Daddy!Wonho x Chubby!Reader

Legitimately looks at you like the stars shine in your eyes, no joke 

I honestly believe that all of his relationships would start out by being friends first

so that’s why I always start out with yall as friends, because I don’t think that he could fall in love with/ask someone out unless he extensively knew them

ANYWAY

I see him as someone who can read people very well

he can tell when you’re upset, when you’re hungry, but most important to this list thing, when you’re needy

And when I say needy, i mean needy for anything. Cuddles, back rubs, your hair played with, comfort, not just sex

but he can tell when you need sex too lmao

I don’t think he would be able to necessarily tell what you are into, but he knows what he’s into and the way you act sometimes triggers his Daddy instinct

Sometimes you act really... cuddly and submissive? (A/N I’m the kind of kitten/sub that tends to go into subspace when i’m around someone who makes me feel protected and loved, and everyone knows that wonho can do that and fight me if you think otherwise lol jk dont im sensitive and weak )

And of course wonho is like ‘oH HELL YES’ because his pretty and soft friend? Wanting cuddles and acting like she needs him? Yes please.

And of course he doesn’t try to initiate anything sexual/a scene or anything like that when you’re in subspace, because he knows that you aren’t in the appropriate mindset to make those kinds of decisions

so he takes care of you to the best of his abilities (which is hella good btw) and he loves every single second of it

and you start to develop a relationship

when you guys start dating, he takes a little bit to start a sexual relationship, but he still very much acts like your Daddy

And of course you agree to it. You guys have an understanding of what you expect from one another; you know what rules he wants you to follow, and he knows what you like and what makes you feel the safest and most comfortable

The first time you go into full blown kitten/little space with him he is in literal awe of how cute and sweet you look

he loves your fluffy little ears and tail or your cute little nighty and nothing makes him feel more loved than when you rub your cheek against his leg, hand or chest, or when you beg him to play dolls or color with you

he especially loves when you crawl onto his lap and snuggle into his chest because it’s something that you won’t do when you aren’t in kitten space (due to insecurity for your weight, or if you aren’t insecure about your weight, out of concern for him not liking you on his lap which he totally does its his fave)

he also like sending you flirty little looks and paying very close attention to you because he knows it makes you a little embarrassed

he will also praise every single thing you do

you say that you love him? A cuddle session will commence. You’re honest with him about how you;re feeling? He will talk about it to his other dom friends for weeks. 

The rules he has for you are nothing out of the ordinary, but i’ll go through a few of them

Be healthy. And not like going to the gym everyday for 7 hours and only eating lettuce healthy lol. Just like eating a balanced (ish) diet. He’s not very strict with it though, because he likes when his baby is eating her favorite things and is full. He just wants to make sure that you dont eat 17 powdered donuts and call that “lunch” (which is totes something i do whoops)

the next rule is to tell him when you are upset, whether that be at him or in general. He wants to comfort his special little kitten, but he can’t do that if you don’t tell him you need it you feel? Like he can generally tell, but he still wants you to tell him, to keep the lines of communication and trust open

Another rule is to greet him whenever he comes home, if possible. He likes to know that he was missed, especially because he missed you.

His rules for dressing really are almost nonexistent. Always wear your day collar, if he picks something special out for you (which he doesnt do a lot) you have to wear it and send him pictures. He wants you to wear underwear every time you are out in public, even when you are with him (i know a few doms make their subs do this to humiliate them, which is what makes me say that he wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t want to humiliate you) He also likes when you wear lingerie, but he has no rules around that. Surprise him whenever you want because it will never be unwelcome. He doesn’t even care what kind it is, he knows you’ll look hot in anything

You can touch yourself and he even encourages you to do so, but he wants you to ask him first. Once again it’s to keep the lines of communication and trust open. He will never deny you touching yourself probably, but he might tell you to wait until he can touch himself too so you guys can do it together (he would be into phone sex dont come for me) But i can totes see him telling you to not let yourself cum if he’s going to be home that day. If he has the option to see you fall apart in person, he will make you wait until he is there to see your orgasm

The last rule i can really think of is if he buys you a gift, you are not allowed to complain about the cost. Nothing is ever to expensive for his special little girl.

Now for the Sex

He is such a giving Daddy

he isn’t going to tease you an excessive amount because teasing you is teasing himself

but he still will tease you and make you beg for him because he loves knowing that you want and desire him. He needs to feel needed by you.

he loves to be praised. Compliment his body, how smooth and firm his body feels on top of you (or under you because he would def love you on top too) Tell him that only he can make you feel this way, that he fills you up so good, yank him closer to you (just be vocal about how much you want and need him, it’ll always get you fucked real good)

He would be crazy good at giving oral. he loves squeezing your soft thighs until you’re bruised. He will most definitely try and eat you out until you pass out or use the safeword. He loves making you shake.This might sound gross to people but im putting it in here anyway. He would love to cum inside of you and eat you out right after. He would love the taste of your cum and his mixed together (i think he really likes playing with his cum tbh like when he jerks off i bet he messes with it for a little bit before cleaning himself off. i bet he’s also tasted his cum and he doesn’t mind the taste tbh) 

as for you giving him oral, he will almost always want you on your knees in front of him if its an actual scene. 

He would want you on your knees in front of him for a lot of things tbh. he likes being bigger than you and it always makes you look so small and helpless. He would love to caress at your face and pet you in this position (fun fact the gif at the top inspired this whole thing js) (but yeah exactly like the gif at the top)

alot of the time he won’t let you use your hands. he will only let you rub your cheek against his clothed bulge in order to tease him, or only let you mouth along it and over it, just because he likes the way it feels against your soft cheek and the feel of dominance it makes him have

he would totally want to fuck your throat because the sounds of you gagging on him would be a little hot to him.

he won’t do it to the point of intense pain tho. just a lil bit to satisfy the urge

eye contact is his absolute favorite. He will literally cum so hard from you looking up at him with a wide eyes and innocent expression with your mouth occupied in such a dirty act

He doesn’t really care where he comes or if you swallow. It would be up to you and he would never push you out of your comfort zone

But for me, I would love for him to cum on my face js

Sex won’t be that kinky with him but he will use a crap ton of pet names and dirty talk

“My princess is always so tight around my cock. I bet you can feel every single bump and ridge against your soft little walls. Does it feel good, Kitten? Tell Daddy how good he makes you feel.” 

“How about you come and suck Daddy off? Your mouth always makes me feel so good and I know that you love when Daddy feels good.”

“Can I cum inside of you Angel? Does my special little girl want Daddy to fill her up with cum?” 

things like that (im sweating)

And also keep in mind that he would be holding you as closely and tightly as he can, tucking his head into you neck and panting those things in your ear.

Aftercare with daddy!wonho would be very fluffy and warm

it wouldn’t be very extensive because I don’t see him being crazy adventurous with things like positions or punishments.

he would ask if you wanted a bath and if you wanted one he would run it for you and make sure you got in okay.

he probably wouldn’t get in with you unless it was a large bathtub, because he wanted you to be able to spread out and lay comfortably

he would sit by the side and gently run a wash cloth over your curves and inbetween you legs, lightly giggling at the shudder that went through your body due to your sensitivity.

if you didnt feel up to a bath he would get a warm wash cloth and wipe you down before redressing you so you didn’t get cold in the middle of the night

whether you wanted a bath or not tho, i feel like he would gently try to coax you to use the bathroom (going to the bathroom after sex helps prevent yeast infections js) because he wants his little girl healthy in all parts of her body

He would also get you a glass of water and make you drink it all, just to make sure that you would rehydrate yourself

he probably wouldn’t get that dressed himself tho, like the most he will put on is probably a pair of boxer briefs and then he’ll wrap his arms around you and coo little praises and compliments, telling you that you were such a good girl for Daddy all the time and that you always do so well for him and you always make him feel so good

and you would be the first to fall asleep, but not before you told him that you loved him a lot

to sum up, he’s not a crazy demanding daddy that makes you jump through a lot of hoops or anything like that. He just loves taking care of you and making sure that you are always safe. He’s not a very kinky or harsh lover, he’s quite soft and warm.

the end :)

[a-baleful-howl]

7.07 Thoughts

First off - the leaked scripts were real. It was actually pretty annoying. I felt like I was watching the episode twice. I hope Season 8 doesnt have a lad leaker. I really do. I enjoy watching the episodes raw. And lets be completely, dead honest here - I would not have known about the leaks or seen them accidentally if I wasnt as active on Tumblr. At least on Reddit I can choose to avoid certain subreddits. On tumblr, if someone posts a spoiler there is absolutely no way of blocking it preemptively. I dont want to have to leave Tumblr next season... My sister (the family that is visiting right now, that I posted about not too long ago that we do not get along), doesnt watch GoT because she doesnt have HBO. She keeps up via snapchat and posts on Facebook. She thought that Longclaw blinking was super important, if that helps you understand how she keeps up with GoT. In gifs and screaming southerners on facebook. Anywho, when Jon said he pledged himself for D@ny, my sister leaned over and whispered "that made her super horny." Yes. I didn't see "horniness" in Danish Pastries eyes, but that was literally what was written in the leaked script - so obviously it translated to a very VERY casual viewer. So I asked her it she thought Jon was in love with D@ny and she acted like I was crazy for even asking. Obviously he likes her. Like a boy is mean to his crush on the playground, she said. That didn't make me feel much better. Honestly, I dont think Emilia is a bad actress. I think she plays stern, cold boss bitch very well. Or screaming entitled delusional girl. (which I honestly mean because Emilia is such the opposite in real life) And when directors told her to play heart eyes, she did heart eyes. I dont think shes a bad actress. I just find D@ny as a character boring now. Up until saving the Wight Hunters, she hadnt done anything redeemable or "good" since maybe Season 2-3. Anywho- off track. All this talk about honor and keeping his word and being Ned Starks "son" really struck me. He promised to fight for the north no matter the odds. So him pledging to D@ny is his own way of protecting the north. Protecting his family. But how can he talk about honor and keeping his word if he's secretly undercover? I really think he's being sacrificial. Thats something Jon would do. Give up his dreams and personal gain to save everyone. When Cersei, the coldest, baddest, most heartless bitch in all of Westeros, talks about how seeing just ONE wight made her fear for the ones she loves - imagine how JON FEELS seeing thousands of them. He is AFRAID for his family. He will so whatever it takes to protect Sansa, Arya, Bran and the North who chose him as their leader. I dont know if Jon realized immediately, that once Viserion died the NK had him. If Jon did, then that absolutely would have put him on express mode. Now - one big thing when Jon was with Ygritte and the Wildlings, is that they ALWAYS said "burn my body so I dont end up like them." I can just imagine Jon remembering those words every time he thinks of Sansa, Arya and Bran or the coming walkers. That he doesnt want his loved ones to turn into wights - because it was even what the wildlings feared most. Its a fate worse than death. He burned Ygritte. He's burned so many people so they dont turn into wights. He is trying to save his family from that morbid fate. Then we have Theon and Jon talking. So - I think Jon's "it might look that way on the outside" is a hint at his undercover/sacrificial ways. But, whats also really interesting to me, is that Theon brings up RAMSAY. And Jon narrows his eyes like "yea, tell me more about that monster who hurt my Sansa." As if he wants to hear about Ramsay and what Theon went through - as if to understand Sansa more. To get more insight on what happened to her. Theon bringing up Ramsay would make Jon think about Sansa here. And they're talking about THEON saving his SISTER. And Jons response is "why are you talking instead of doing? What are you waiting for?" YES. YES. YES. Jon is so sure that the right thing to do is to put yourself in danger to save your family - your sister. He doesn't think about it. His answer is instinctual. Because thats what hes doing now. JUST DO - dont think. His answer is everything to me. SO MUCH. SO MUCH. Sansa didnt seem that upset when Petyr suggested Jon wants to marry D@ny. Which to me says Sansa has NOT considered a romantic relationship with Jon - YET. And what usually happens in romantic plots, is that theres an awakening moment that brings one of the interests to realize what they want. Maybe this is Sansas wake up call. That the idea of Jon marrying another leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. But we dont see full on jealously in this episode, really. At least I didnt. Okay - now to boatsex. We have a brief moment of Jon standing in front of her door before knocking. He goes TO HER. Which bothers me. I just cant imagine canon!Jon initiating sex with anyone. Hes too noble and honorable. Sex outside of marriage? Possible bastard babies? Reading signs wrong? But this could be a moment where hes deciding - welp, I have to do this to earn her undying loyalty for good. Im not completely sold on ignoring my "he'll fuck the first girl who isnt his sister" or "he has to prove something" headcanons either. I mean, I believe he is giving into D@nys affections because he has nothing else to lose. Sansa is his sister. D@ny is beautiful. And Jon might see something good in her, especially after she has postponed her quest for the throne to save mankind - but deep down their characters are so different that HOW could he really be in love with her? And the fact that their sex scene is over cut with exposition and dialogue means that this scene is more than just a romance. Its a plot point. It has to be spelled out. Its still mysterious. D@ny is in love, but Jon? Jon searches into her eyes as if he has to convince himself to stay hard. I think Jonsa is endgame - but the real question here is, does he love Sansa or D@ny? Will he love both? Or does he love neither? I have more posts about the other characters this episode, the writing, and the problems soon. This is just my quick post episode Jonsa reaction. My phone is at 4% so I will have to come back later. (OMG PLEASE DONT DIE ON ME) Lets just say that I think JonxD@ny is fanservice, and that we shouldnt trust D&DBs writing completely or write any possible outcome and plot turn off. And love each other, we have fanfiction and remember they are fiction. (but Jonsa is endgame ;) ) OH- And "the dragon and the wolf"? The writers obviously thought they were being clever to get a double meaning out of a title, about Rheagar and Lyanna and Jon and D@ny. Doesnt mean theyre a couple - theyre just the most important plot reveal this episode. :p

[sayotherwise]

a little thing about Roman Torchwick

so over fall break i introduced my ten year old brother to RWBY and we watched almost all three whole seasons together and of course he was asking about my favorite characters and stuff when we first started and i was explaining that i personally love Roman and Neo more than anything

this is going to be a long one, so buckle in my good friends

now, i find it a personal struggle to find irl people who share my love of Roman, but not Neo and i always find this perplexing because if you love the psychopathic mute murder why dont you like her lesser evil counterpart? this mostly stems from someone up at college with me who hates Roman with a burning passion but i digress,,

you see, from episode one my baby brother knew and understood Roman better than most people on this entire site and it was just from him taking a close look at Roman to see why his big sis loved him so much

Roman is witty- he’s absolutely brilliant and talented in many ways that the show proves time and time again, but he’s also a big fucking softie Roman never really has the desire to kill someone, he’s all talk and really good at bluffing

yes, he gets agitated with Sun and Blake at the end of season one and he’s always frustrated by Ruby and her team but he never fights them with the purpose to kill them, he’d rather leave that kind of dirty work to those who are beneath him- such as sending hoards of faunus after team RWBY and Oobleck on the train, he never really wanted to be responsible for their deaths himself 

in fact, you can see plain as day that he doesnt get any enjoyment out of the things he’s doing, not after season one where Cinder started having him do things other than steal dust from the world’s suppliers. Roman isnt proud of what hes doing anymore, he doesnt like it and he certainly doesnt enjoy working for Cinder, you can see it in his facial expressions when he’s around her and his body language tells you all of this

whats the coolest thing is that my brother noticed all of this on his own and all i had to do was ask him what he thought of Roman, he basically said all of this but in the way simpler version of a ten year old boy, but he seemed so fascinated by the character and understood why i loved him so much

and after my brother told me everything he thought about Roman i gave him a warning- Roman only ever once on screen shows that he is actually ready and capable of killing someone

i didnt tell him when or how or who, but i gave him that warning, because the scene where Roman turns around after Ruby sends Neo flying should give anyone chills

that is the first time Roman had ever truly lost his cool and he was literally ready to beat Ruby to death for what she did to his precious Neo, after all his devastation is very clear in this gif

wouldnt you be pissed if someone had just sent the love of your life flying off into the grimm infested skies, never to be seen again? i would, and its very obvious that Roman would have succeeded in killing Ruby and leaving to go find his Neo if it weren’t for that stupid grimm bird

[sailorshadzter]

alright so here’s going to be my thoughts / breakdown of the new trailer. im actually really excited to do this because ive not done a game of thrones trailer before!! 

so i hope you guys enjoy.

also, shoutout to everyone who has taken the time to gif this trailer, i hope no one minds me using their gifs (with the proper credit of course!) 

anyways, under the cut for SPOILERS and length :)

we immediately cut to arya running off, her breathing heavy, she even makes a frightened sound as she takes off. we watch her run, looking over her shoulder, true fear in her eyes and on her face. but i dont think this is fear for herself. i can only assume that these opening seconds are post battle with the ww/nk because she’s covered in blood (also WHO’S blood?) and sweat. something or someone (jon  👀) has sent arya back to winterfell and we all know what the reason is: sansa fucking stark. 

something has struck fear into jon or arya for their beloved sister/cousin and arya is 100% going after sansa. because she looks over her shoulder, i imagine she’s running away from whatever has come for sansa- she’s leading it away, perhaps in hopes that it will give chase to her and give sansa a chance to escape. maybe not, maybe the look over her shoulder is at someone else chasing after her to rescue sansa (jon? the hound? brienne?). either way... this is true fear we see on arya’s face. she’s terrified that something has happened to sansa. 

worse yet... what if she’s running from someone who she loves that’s been turned into a white walker? i hate the thought of that but wow that could be something else, huh. 

what i find really interesting throughout this scene (besides arya’s voice over) is the three bell tolls. they say death comes in threes. the three bell tolls could signify the deaths of the characters we see as they chime (davos, varys, and arya herself / whoever she’s speaking to). i will literally lose my mind if davos dies, i cant even THINK about that. but, its definitely a very real possibility as we move into this final battle. 

arya’s voice over is chilling... i know death... it’s got many faces... i look forward to seeing this one. What i LOVE about this is its all voice over until that final line. she’s saying that to someone on her list. she’s clean in that moment, meaning its before or after the opening moments. my guess is its after and she’s speaking to cersei. cersei has been on her list from the beginning and it’s absolutely without a doubt that arya will rush off to king’s landing to rescue sansa. if cersei doesnt die in childbirth like i think (we’ll talk about that later) it would be arya to get the kill. and i know, the old witch told cersei it would be her brother that killed her... but let’s talk about that for a second

it’s going to be tyrion. he’s going to get them into king’s landing without cersei knowing and he’s going to be the reason they’re able to take cersei out. so really, he’s her undoing. he causes her death. this also feeds into my thought that tyrion won’t stay loyal to dany. if dany lives past the fight with the night king, something tells me she wont want to rush into king’s landing just to rescue sansa. she wont view her as important any longer and wont want to risk harm to herself or her dragons by immediately leaving one fight for the other. not for sansa stark. that will be tyrions breaking point. 

these are a few of the shots we get while bran’s voice over plays. everything that you did brought you to where you are now... where you belong. home.  we also see king’s landing & sam looking over his shoulder with bran in the background. the moment bran says home we’re hit with a shot of dany’s army marching towards winter fell, of course with jon and dany on horseback coming up at the rear? the middle? im not sure but i also dont think it matters much.

i think its obvious this is bran speaking to jon. he’s reminding him that despite this reveal of who his parents really were... he’s still a stark. he’s still home there at winterfell, in the north. he’s still got a family. everything jon has done up until this point has been for the north or for sansa. he went to war with the boltons to take winterfell back, to avenge what happened to sansa, to protect what family he had left. 

next is cersei, she’s clearly overlooking a ship coming into the harbor or someone riding up on horseback / in a wagon. i wont lie, im not versed enough in the ins and outs of king’s landing to know, or if you can even travel from winterfell to king’s landing... but i would assume there’s a way considering the golden company is most likely sailing there from king’s landing???

anyways

i think cersei is watching sansa being brought to her. she’s smirking because she think she’s won. she thinks she’s going to be the queen on the throne in the end of this fight. she’s untouchable. she’s pregnant with the future heir to the iron throne and she has who she believes to be her son’s murderer almost in her grasp. not just that- this is sansa stark, the key to the north. her “brother” is king in the north (well kind of) and now she has leverage against him. her life for something. i cant imagine word of jon’s parentage would have traveled to cersei yet (although... who knows) so she cant use sansa as leverage for jon to give up his claim to the throne. maybe sansa for dany? give up the dragon queen and ill give you back your sister, type thing. im not sure. i truly believe at this point, cersei still hasnt let go her belief that sansa helped poison joffrey & i think that’s the biggest motive for her here. everything else is just gravy. especially if she DOES learn the truth about jon while she’s in her keep. 

yeah so here we have dany and jon riding into winterfell, looking very much like a king / queen riding into battle. i dont have much to say about this moment other than they both look very stoic, not that is surprising for jon. dany seems to be just ahead of him, as if to remind everyone she’s the queen. i do like the contrast of her white outfit compared to the darkness of the dothraki and jon. but those blood red gloves? girl. talk about having blood on your hands.

now this is the part im LIVING FOR

MY GIRL HOLY SHIT.

the shot continues with sansa taking a few steps towards the other side of the walkway, her eyes never leaving the dragons. first of all, can we talk about how all the men in got have reacted to the dragons? THEY COWERED. THEY RAN. THEY FLUNG THEMSELVES ONTO THE GROUND. jon literally threw himself on the ground out of fear and shock. but not this girl. not my stark sisters. they literally show no fear as the dragons fly overhead. 

sansa is wearing the same gown here as she is when she meets with jon and dany. i definitely think this is her watching the arrival of the army and dany. the dragons arent hard to miss and im sure someone alerted her of them being sighted. she’s up there watching their arrival, knowing any moment jon would be back in winterfell where he belonged.

im sure she’s thinking about hundreds of things. how am i to feed all these people without the north starving? how are the dragons to feed without starving us all? why has jon brought her back with him? why do they ride side by side like husband and wife?  part of me wants to believe that this is all planned out ahead of time, but i know it isnt. if jon wants this political agenda to go through the right way he has to make every last detail seem believable. he knows sansa cant lie for shit (bless her heart) and if he doesnt make even her believe he’s with dany, then this whole thing will fall apart. 

he’s doing this for her, after all.

next we see jon already in the crypts and daenerys coming to join him. we have jon’s voice over as she walks they’re coming, our enemy doesn’t tire.   what’s interesting to me is the placement of jon’s words over this particular scene. it pans in to dany looking upset as she approaches jon (who looks downright miserable) as if she means to console him. it’s here that jon says the enemy never tires. are we to take this literally as dany is the enemy? its a trailer so its hard to say. we can only infer things at this point. i definitely believe dark!dany is coming whether this trailer did this or not, so i cant really use it as proof of anything. 

i just find it odd that jon is NEVER smiling or happy (it seems) when he’s with dany. now this post isnt about a ship war (but if you follow me, you already know where i stand) but i find it odd that for the couple we’re supposed to think is end game... they never seem happy. if jon’s in love with dany, why doesnt he show it? in his past relationships we see him smile and laugh. yes, i know, jon is definitely the brooding type but we KNOW he can smile, we’ve seen it before with sansa & ygritte. so why not with dany? that alone is proof enough for me that jon and dany are NEVER going to end up together. 

anyways moving on before the stans come for me  👀

doesnt stop, doesnt feel... Jon’s voice over continues as we flash to Gendy (looking like a whole ass snack, hello) Jorah riding into battle, and Grey Worm with Missandei sharing a kiss. also i think its important that we’re shown them kissing as jon says dont feel, implying that only the living can of course feel, while the night king feels absolutely nothing at all. their kiss is a reminder that happiness can be found even in the darkest of moments (thanks for the quote, albus) and its bittersweet too because this very well could be the last time they see each other. 

(credit to @vavaharrison for this gif as well) 

we cut then to a battle scene with brienne and jaime. i love the background of this scene- all fire and ash, brienne slicing through a white walker (i hope lol) as intense as ever. it cuts to jaime shouting for bronn which has me SHOOK because does that mean something has happened to bronn? is jaime trying to get his attention BEFORE something happens? just needs his attention so he can send him elsewhere on the battlefield? its hard to say. 

looking very closely, jaime is wearing northern armor here, the same set he was wearing in the one set of hbo stills. there’s been a lot of speculation that it’s robb’s armor he’s wearing and i love that idea. 

the scene switches immediately after this and we get something INSANE and AMAZING all at the same time.

without a doubt, that’s sansa there in king’s landing, standing before cersei. i think its safe to assume the person next to her is the commander of the golden company, the uniform he’s wearing is pretty spot on, at least from the distance of the shot. 

obviously they did this for a reason. they dont want us to be 100% but we know. but you cant miss sansa’s frame or the way she styles her hair. even in such a small, far off shot you can tell it’s sansa standing there. you can even just barely make our her fur wrap around her shoulders, the black cloak she wears a dark contrast to the room. 

now, i touched on this earlier... the kidnapping plot. 

i’ve been a big believer in this since i first heard of it. it makes sense, it falls perfectly into the plot.. it works. i wont repeat myself (much) from what i said earlier, but sansa has been brought here because she’s the key to the north & the whole joffrey getting poisoned at his own wedding. cersei blamed tyrion and by default sansa too... because besides sansa, who else could want him dead THAT MUCH? i mean to us, the answer is a LOT of people, but to cersei... sansa is the only answer. she was mistreated by joffrey from the start and he had cut of her father’s head right before her very eyes. of course sansa would want him dead. 

and its so easy to blame her. poor little sansa stark. she’s jealous of sansa, i’ve always thought so. a beautiful girl, well loved by her family and everyone around her. even at king’s landing people were drawn to her. she was a shining example of what a lady was supposed to be, untainted by the darkness like cersei. she was pure, like myrcella was. she would grow to have a nice life eventually, even if it meant she remained married to tyrion. and her own son, evil as he was, he was still hers, he would grow cold in the dirt. cersei needed someone to lash out at, someone to blame. and there was no one better than sansa stark. 

the shot of the hall is followed by that one of cersei, looking teary-eyed and drinking wine.  we already knew she was pregnant (or was she? now im not sure what to think!!) and avoided the wine when talking with tyrion. but here she’s drinking again. we know how much cersei loves her wine. i suppose its safe to assume there’s no more pregnancy, there’s to be no heir to follow after her for the iron throne. and now that jaime is gone from her... there’s no one left in this world that she loves or loves her. that child was her one last chance to start over, to be a good mother, and rule the seven kingdoms. now its all gone. its like she’s asking herself here what’s the point now? why continue? she’s wearing what looks to be a dressing robe, so i can only assume this is after she’s been cleaned up from her miscarriage. maybe she’s even brought sansa in and is talking with her, a call back to the conversations they used to have in the earlier seasons. 

i think we’ll get a lot of drama from this- everyone is going to witness jon losing his mind over sansa’s kidnapping. blaming himself, arya blaming herself, and probably brienne too. let me tell you... i live for that. i think this will be the moment where people realize just how deeply jon feels for her. this will be where the political plot unravels. 

*cue the dramatic music*

we get a shot of the dragons, a repeat of arya seeing the dragons, grey worm putting his helmet on, and an amazing shot of jon in the godswood (which ill talk about below) all while jaime has a voice over i promised to fight for the living... i intend to keep that promise! just like with arya, it starts out as a voice over, but the last line is him actually saying the line to whomever he’s speaking to. i believe this is part of his speech as he pledges himself to sansa / house stark. 

ive read a few posts about this moment- some speculating that there’s someone sitting there that we can’t see, others saying we’re seeing this in the POV of someone walking towards jon. im more inclined to believe the latter. its almost like jon’s waiting there for someone. i think we’d still get a glimpse of skirts if it was sansa or silver hair over his shoulder if it was dany. i guess you could argue it could be arya who’s so small he would obscure her or bran even, but again, i think its most likely this is the pov of someone walking towards jon.

but who?

i think its sansa. my little shipper heart would LOVE to believe this is a secret wedding or the moment they’ll confess their feelings, but its a long shot i know. anyways. if its not sansa... then i dont know. at this point, im assuming this is after jon’s parentage reveal. he’s struggling with who he is. all along he’s wanted to be a stark, not just the stark bastard. now he’s a targaryen? who’s the one person who told him he was a stark when no one else would? Sansa. im not a stark, you are to me. jon doesnt have the stark name, but i do. together, they are house stark. if he married her, he could claim the name he always wanted. it would be an amazing call back to ned & cat under the godswood back in season 1 if we had jon and sansa here as well.

all i can think about when i see these scenes are something i mentioned above: how are the dragons going to feed without putting the whole north into starvation? originally id been worried about the army dany was bringing with her but this... this is the real problem. look at all the bones jon and dany have to cross to get to her dragons. how much livestock and wild animals have died to feed these things? how many more innocent children / people have been killed already in wintertown? that livestock / animals could be feeding the people, but they arent. 

this leads me to this next moment

wow my girl looks so sad here :(

im having a LOT of mixed feelings about what’s got sansa so down. she’s in a new dress entirely (note the neckline) so im not sure where to place this in the timeline of everything. i could refer this moment to SO MANY THINGS. is she watching jon and dany? a new thought that has come to me is... have the dragons burned someone? is this her reacting to someone crying over a dead child / loved one? im having a lot of flash backs to how dany looked when the father brought her his daughter’s charred corpse. 

her lips are parting like she means to say something but cant find her voice. she’s standing in winterfell’s courtyard, so who else is around her? we’re not privy to anyone in the background or before her, so again, we can only infer from what the trailer is giving us. 

is she watching jon and dany as they walk away to visit the dragons? have she and jon just argued? is she watching HIM walk away to brood in the godswood, feeling down himself after learning who his parents were? it could literally be anything that’s making her look this sad. im leaning towards it being jon related, but wow if it were something to do with the dragons burning someone... wow. 

i feel like this is where im going to end.

the rest of the trailer are quick glimpses of scenes and faces. arya fighting with the same background as brienne, tyrion looking hella depressed, drogon hitting us with a fire blast, the dothraki & brienne/jaime/ ect in line to fight, and of course the epic moment where we see the first glimpse of a white walker.

overall, this trailer was great. 

it gave us just enough without being TOO much. i thought id be let down once we did get a trailer only because we’ve been waiting so long!! but it’s amped me up and got me even more excited for the season to come!!

if you’ve made it this far... thanks for reading! lets chat about all things game of thrones! my ask box is always open~! :)