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bigskydreaming · 3 years ago

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kalen I'm making a dick grayson playlist what songs remind you of dick because my music knowledge is uhhhh zero

OMG literally too many there are so many. But I get asked this often enough that okay this is me finally sucking it up and ACTUALLY going through my long-as-fuck character playlist for whenever I write Dick Grayson fic stuff.

So here, in alphabetical order.....some are more 'him' than others, and I tend to have multiple songs from the same artist for character playlists because not surprisingly artists tend towards certain personal themes that recur in their work and so when an artist has a theme I feel is Dick Grayson-esque, I end up putting a bunch of their stuff on.

Also some of these songs are about romantic relationships and that's the vibe I have them on here for, like Uninvited I have on here because I think it evokes a lot of Feels and thoughts about Dick's issues with romantic relationships, whereas some songs like Too Close, What If I Was Nothing, Monsters, etc, are definitely songs about romances but I have them on the playlist more for the feels and thoughts they evoke for Dick's relationships with family members, etc.

Also also a lot of them I pick just for a weird fusion of jazz and rock that I feel fits Dick well and inspires me when I'm writing him even just in action scenes. Like Alex Clare, Apartment 26, Portugal, Roisin Murphy, etc.

Also also also The Third: I can write for a long time in one sitting and tend to have like, ten hour long writing sessions when I have the opportunity so I have very long playlists hfasklfhklahfalkf.

Anyway, what the hell, peruse as you please:

1) For Your Entertainment, Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert

2) Beautiful Thieves, Love Like Winter - AFI

3) Uninvited - Alanis Morrisette

4) Too Close - Alex Clare

5) The Waiting One, What If I Was Nothing - All That Remains

6) Monsters (featuring blackbear) - All Time Low

7) In The Shadows - Amy Stroup

8) Feel Good Drag - Anberlin

9) Give Me More - Apartment 26

10) The Boys of Summer - The Ataris (this is a classic song with a lot of covers lol but the Ataris version is IT for me because for some reason its like, the definitive DickRoy song for me and its like....Roy singing it about Dick as adults thinking about when they were teenagers lol yes this one is very specific)

11) Kill Me - AWIM (I don't have MANY Dick as Talon feels but this is like, my Dick as Talon song)

12) Fuck the World, Move Me, The Jester - Badflower

13) Playground - Bea Miller (This is my Dick getting started in Bludhaven song)

14) Kiss the Rain - Billie Myers (This is my DickKory jam)

15) What's In The Middle - The Bird and the Bee

16) Wings - Birdy

17) Dirty Little Animals - Bones UK (another Dick in Bludhaven song, great for action scenes)

18) The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, You Won't Know - Brand New

19) Failure, Give Me A Sign, Breath, Had Enough, Sooner or Later, Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin

20) Circus - Britney Spears (yes its a cliché and what about it? Its a good song and its a very Dick Grayson song haflkhfal)

21) The Wings of Icarus - Celldweller (Dick in Bludhaven or Gotham, patrol/action song)

22) Mary Mary - Chumbawumba (Dick in Bludhaven, specifically Blockbuster arc stuff, dunno why its just my go-to for that era)

23) Ultraviolence - Cliff Lin (another action/patrol song)

24) Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake (there's a long complicated story here lol but point is this song is very Robin: Year One for me and ties into a lot of my feels about Shrike, Vengeance Academy, Dick and Boone and the mindset Dick has about all those memories)

25) Cold, Colors, Already Gone, Invincible - Crossfade

26) Gotta Get Thru This - Daniel Bedingfield

27) Run Londinium - Daniel Pemberton (action song for various things I write that have Dick on the run or fighting/infiltrating the Court of Owls, etc)

28) Dynasties and Dystopia - Denzel Curry, Gizzle & Bren Joy (action stuff but Gotham based, this is a full-ensemble Batkids anthem for me lolol)

29) The Sound of Silence - Disturbed (another classic with a lot of covers but the Disturbed version is it for me and is very Dick in Bludhaven)

30) Unstoppable - E.S. Posthumus (action song, Gotham or Bludhaven....also I've mentioned before that I don't have fancasts for Dick but I do have an image of how I picture him moving, like his stylistic combination of fighting and dancing, and there's that one dancer Michael Dameski that really embodies that for me? Yeah he has a dance to this song specifically that's what kinda started that rabbit hole for me)

31) MisS Understood, Wait - Earshot

32) White Rabbit - Egypt Central (oof, this song is Dick yelling at Bruce on behalf of himself and his siblings)

33) Drunk (And I Don't Wanna Go Home) - Elle King & Miranda Lambert (this one is Dick and the OG Titans + Lilith because I'm me....like, their rabble rousing, 'let's have some mayhem' anthem)

34) Cold (But I'm Still Here), This Time Its Different - Evans Blue

35) Dance of the Manatee, Kyla Cries Cologne, A Wolf Descends on the Spanish Sahara, Walls of Jericho - Fair to Midland

36) HandClap - Fitz and the Tantrums

37) Shake It Out, Spectrum, Never Let Me Go, Seven Devils, Strangeness and Charm, No Light No Light - Florence and the Machine

38) Falls On Me - Fuel

39) We Are Young (featuring Janelle Monae) - Fun (Dick and the OG Titans)

40) Dirty - grandson (I love this song so much and its just so....Dick Grayson to me, but also Jason Todd too, I think it speaks to how I see them as more alike than a lot of people think and Dick doesn't go to the extremes Jason does but is a lot more willing to fudge the lines of morality than people think)

41) Familiar Taste of Poison, Freak Like Me - Halestorm

42) How You Like Me Now - The Heavy

43) Remember Me - Hoobastank (Dick and how society views him when he's 'just' Dick Grayson, circus orphan and when he's Dick Grayson, adopted son of Bruce Wayne)

44) Achilles Heel, Thanatos (End of Us) - J. Maya

45) Electropop, Go! (Jump In! Mix) - Jupiter Rising

46) Run - Leona Lewis

47) Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling

48) Rooftops, Wake Up (Make A Move) - Lostprophets

49) Stop Me (featuring Daniel Merriweather) - Mark Ronson

50) No More Drama - Mary J. Blige

51) Make A Shadow, Running Up That Hill - Meg Myers

52) Welcome to the Black Parade, The Ghost of You, Sing - My Chemical Romance

53) Torn - Nathan Lanier (another action song, this one is my usual backdrop when I picture Dick with one of his siblings running across Gotham rooftops or something, playing rooftop tag even)

54) Republic - Ninja Tracks (Batfam doing stealth operations as a team, action stuff)

55) Trinity - Paper Tongues

56) Faster Kill Pussycat (featuring Brittany Murphy) - Paul Oakenfold (Bludhaven patrol song and Dick's complicated feelings re: how people perceive him and react to him)

57) Live In The Moment, Feel It Still - Portugal. The Man

58) Misfit Toys - Pusha T & Mako (Bludhaven song)

59) Goodbye - Ramsey

60) Selfish and Cold, After the Rain - Revelation Theory

61) Someone Else - Rezz & Grabbitz (Dick and his complicated self-image and identity issues, as well as how people see him versus how he thinks they see him or wants them to see him)

62) Dancing On My Own - Robyn

63) Night of the Dancing Flame, Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Róisín Murphy

64) Ladies and Gentlemen - Saliva

65) Hall of Fame (featuring will.I.am) - The Script

66) Broken (featuring Amy Lee) - Seether

67) Monsters, Stranger Inside, Second Chance - Shinedown

68) The Royal We, Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups

69) Through Glass, Bother - Stone Sour

70) Breakdown, Mourning - Tantric

71) Be Somebody - Thousand Foot Krutch

72) Image of the Invisible - Thrice

73) UK Jamaican - Tricky (I just love this song and it FEELS like Dick Grayson y'know? LOL, like this is just on his workout playlist)

74) Buried Myself Alive, Blue and Yellow - The Used

75) Guns For Hire, Run Boy Run - Woodkid

#dick grayson writing playlist

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hxnmantii · 4 years ago

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Class 1-A and their car habits

tw: crack/fluff, cursing

People: Bakugo, Shoto, Izuku, Sero, Kiri, iida, Mina x mostly gn!reader (Mina is the only one that’s implied female!reader)

Ratings: PG

A/n: yuuhh get into💋 I personally would like to ride with Shoto. I just wanna hold his hand👉🏾👈🏾 but not on no simp shit. Originally, this was going to be just boys but who would I be if my gay self didn’t add the queen herself? Anyways, Who would you like to ride with?

Bakugo~

Bakugo does that sexy ass thing where he drives with one hand on the wheel and one hand on your thigh and when you don’t pay him enough attention he’ll lightly squeeze your thigh. This man does NOT share the aux....his stingy ass. He says he doesn’t wanna listen “to your trash music” but will play bxmb threat and NBA Youngboy at full capacity with the windows down. If you beg enough maybe he’ll play 1 Nicki song. But he will throw a fit and act like he doesn’t like Nicki even though he knows all of the lyrics. Altough he’s really uptight about his car, he enjoys driving and picking up the Bakusquad in it because he likes to feel useful and needed. No doubt about it, this man has road rage. He’s screaming outside the window and in the car about how someone cut him off and when someone screams back him, he’s like “Pull over right now cuz those sound like fighting words to me.” Now y’all in the back of a cop car and 30 minutes late to your dinner date. You are not, I repeat, you are NOT allowed to even think about eating in his car unless he’s got that plastic wrapping on his car. He treats his car so good (at some point you think he likes the care better than you) her name is Bethany. I-

Shoto~

Shoto has one hand on the wheel and one hand in your hand, stroking your hand from time to time and kissing the back of it. He had a sleek gray sliver car with a sunroom (he never actually uses) that goes fast and he likes going real fast because what they gon do, give him a ticket??? When his dad the number one hero??? Try again. He’s also the type to flick off the cops as he driving by because ACAB. He’s always wearing a gold Rolex and you got your nails done so when you hold his, the acrylics compliment his hand and watch.(like the pictures from Pinterest) You guys ride in comfortable silence. It’s so calming riding with him because although you’re slightly anxious with how fast he’s going, you’re at somewhat ease because he’s doing it so smoothly and you trust him. His windows are tinted because once again he’s the son of a pro hero and people are nosy, neither you or him like that. Although you don’t really need the assistance with Shoto being a living AC and heater in one, his seats have buttons for each seat and you can warm your bum. His car had the clean car smell...it just smells really clean. He’s got a bunch of condiments and napkins in his glove department. He doesn’t know where they came from. His whole vibe in his car is rich and elegant. He gets his car professional wash every Tuesday and you are required to come.

Kirishima

Kiri’s got a big ass red GMC truck and he gave the truck these monster wheels so it’s a force to be reckoned with. Her name is Sophie and like Bakugo, he loves her dearly but makes it clear to you that he’s love you more than her. He does the sexy ass thing where he’s got one hand on the wheel and one hand tightly holding on to your head rest so his arms flexing and he’s backing up with a concentrated look. that is so hot to me. He’s got a sticker on the back that says “honk if you’re manly” . He definitely would let you take the aux because you guys made a playlist of songs you chose together. He would be the type to start dancing when a good song came on, almost hitting someone in the process because he took both hands off the steering wheel out of excitement. He’s got road rage but not enough to actually start shouting or flicking someone off. In the trunk of Kirishima’s car, he’s got at least 5 different protein bottles as well a case of water and some jump rope. He says “You never know when I’ll need it to work out” but he has his personal gym?? Anyways, he has a specific section in his closet for red button ups because he likes to match Sophie when he drives her😭 I hate to say it but Kiri looks like a hill billy especially since he’s got those shoulder cut out button ups. He’s cute with it and he’s happy so you somewhat tolerate it

Midoriya

Izuku has more of a family car like a soccer mom car or a dark green Ford explore because he likes to pick everybody up to hang out and he needs space since he’s got a lot of them. Not to mention, he also likes to cruise and enjoy his time with you no matter where y’all go because we all know this man is a simppp. At every stop light, he’s gently grabbing your face and either kissing you on your cheek or forehead. He tried giving you a kiss on the lips once but he got so caught on the feeling that he ended up holding up the line and everybody was honking and made at him. He was so embarrassed that he now waits til you guys get to your destination to do all that extraness. Being the big fan he is, naturally he has some All might themed seatbelts and has all might stickers all over his steering wheel. He also has little all Might figurine on his dashboard that he prays to get him out of car trouble. Genuinely think it’s works too. Izuku in his trunk has a bunch of workout gear and gaze cuz he’s sexy like that. He does not have road rage at all....maybe a little. He might flick someone off but that’s as far as it goes. He definitely gives you the aux because he loves watching how lively you get it. (Y/n) “Do you know your Megan baby?”🥰 (ZuZu) “Y-yes?”

Iida

Now hear me out...Iida has a motorcycle. He’s got a need for speed that cars can’t really fufill because you can’t weave through other cars like a motorcycle can. His motorcycle has the highest tech on it naturally. It’s all black but has lights underneath it so he can change it by phone and ofc it’s always blue. You guys also have matching helmets that are Bluetooth so you’re able to talk to one another without having to yell very much. When you guise stop, he rubbing your arms to make sure that you’re okay and/if you need to pull over. Now when he’s not riding the motorcycle he’s got a Tesla. He preaches about the law and following the rules but when he get in the car, that’s a different story. With him you better either hold on tight to him or you better get double seat belt buckles for extra protection because he’s about to try and race the flash. (And you thought Shoto was bad) You get out thanking the universe for letting you touch ground again. Iida got the type of car that if you even breathe incorrectly around it, it’s going off and waking up the whole damn neighborhood. When iida first got his car, he read everything up on it so he would be fully able to use the car to its full potiential meaning that he’s got Siri set up, he can lock the door from his car, and watch the cameras on his house through the screen of his car. The Bluetooth is automatically connected to his phone so no you will not be getting the aux but you can play some tunes form his phone. He’ll even make you a playlist on Apple Music with his rich self.

Sero

Sero’s got a red convertible with tan seats and the weather allows it, his top is always down. His car always smells so good because he uses the wild cherry air freshener in his car. He blasts bad bunny and daddy Yankee as y’all are cruising slightly over the speed light. He also likes blasting Ski Mask. He’s the type to sing you the words while gently holding your face and singing to you with a lovey dovey smile on his face. He’s very respectful and turns down his music when entering neighborhoods because he doesn’t wanna mess with the vibes. You two have matching glasses that says queen/ king on yours and king on his. He definitely has some throw dice hanging from his mirror along with a picture of you and him taped to his dashboard cuz he’s also a simp. He’s always has a packet of Extra gum in his middle console along with warm water bottles. If police pulls him over, he definitely the type to start flirting with him so the officer just to make him uncomfortable enough to let him off with a warning. For a fact, he has the Puerto Rican flag on the antenna of his car. He has Led lights and likes them to be colorful rather than on one color. Sero definitely jogs around the front to open the door for you because he’s a jester and a gentleman in one. His part of his car is that the top can go down solely for the fact that the sun always highlights your skins so well.

Mina

Do I even need to say anything about the Pink queen herself?? She has a cute pink steering wheel case with matching pink seats and ofc she has a bedazzled stick shift. She has a Jeep. She the type of person to has matching glasses with her interior and when you get in the car, she’s putting her music on shuffle: a dangerous move because you go from Brent Faiyaz to Jhene Aiki to fucking Cardi B, Flo Mili, and etc. When you unbuckle your seat to start twerking in the seat, she’s automatically going to start hyping you up. She’s got one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on your ass smacking it as you fuck it up in the passenger seat. Y’all are literally swerving from side to side and let’s be honest here, Mina is not that good of a driver so you have almost gotten in an accident multiple times. She’s the type to pull over to take cute selfies or videos with you and post them all at once captioning it with “Late nights w/bae”. Underneath seat she an emergency packet filled with makeup, clothes, hair and first aid kit supplies. Although she’s not the best driver, she takes the rules really serious because she would hate to have an accident with you in the car. Like Sero, She has led lights in her car but they only flash pink. Mina is the queen of putting falsies on so she would mostly definitely put yours on (without tweezers) once you park as well as do your edges if you ask. She just has that talent. *chefs kiss* amazing

Reblogs are appreciated!

A/n: I’m lyin I definitely would be riding with Bakugo because I have major passenger rod rage lol and you definitely don’t wanna get your ass beat TWICE

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stomp-that-ho-regard · 4 years ago

Text

Retcon

noun

(in a film, television series, or other fictional work) a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events, typically used to facilitate a dramatic plot shift or account for an inconsistency.

verb

revise (an aspect of a fictional work) retrospectively, typically by introducing a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events.

Retroactive Continuity

Reframing past events to serve a current plot need. [...] In its most basic form, this is any plot point that was not intended from the beginning. [...]

Post-hiatus C2, and the Great Retcon...

(The retconning really started with the playlists, but we’ll come back to those.)

First, some context:

SDCC (July ‘18) - Marisha was asked directly about Beau and Yasha and if she and Ashley had discussed it. “After the first few times that I kinda put the moves on her, we were at break, and I could sense that Ashley was wanting to ask me something. And she was like, ‘Hey, I’m just curious... is Beau- ’ And at that exact moment someone’s like, ‘Yo Ashley! We gotta go! We gotta get on stage!’ And I was like, ‘Bye!’” Then Brian asked, “And you haven’t had a further conversation about it?” Marisha said, “Nope!”

(Seven months into the campaign, and no discussions. Hmm.)

NYCC (Oct. ‘18) - Marisha was asked about who would Beau get flustered over if they ever flirted back, and yes, she said Yasha and laughed, but then said, “It’s like throwing pebbles at a brick wall.” Meaning, she was putting stuff out there and not getting anything back. (And, she really wasn’t. I still remember when a major portion of the fandom, including the diehard shippers [of which I was one at the time], weren’t sure if Ashley was even interested in this. More than that, it wasn’t until the Zuala reveal, that the fandom and the players found out for certain that Yasha was actually into women.)

(To me, Marisha’s answer here also suggests that at this point, there were still no discussions.)

Talks Machina for ep61 (May ‘19) - Marisha was asked ‘What was going through Beau's mind when Yasha revealed her past with Zuala? Has this changed any feelings Beau might have? Or has Beau's character growth allowed her to mature a little more with regards to her feelings about Yasha?’ Which Marisha instantly pegged as a shipping question. And she said, “I’m trying to figure out a way to answer this to not ruin everyone’s internal canon, in their brains. I don’t want people to overestimate Beau’s intentions towards Yasha. But then also, is that on me? Have I been leading everybody on?”

So, you had all of that, all the way up to ep61.

None of this indicates that ‘it’s been happening since ep1′ or that it’s ‘the slowest of slow burns.’ In fact, it shuts that down completely.

Moving forward to the Beau and Fjord convo (ep108)...

Marisha suddenly having Beau say “There was something about Yasha from the moment that I saw her”. She’s retrospectively attempting to give that moment more weight, when (based on the examples above) we know that the over-the-top flirting was just for fun. And truthfully, she really wasn’t flirting with Yasha any differently than she was flirting with any hot female NPC the party crossed paths with.

And now it’s clear that that one line she said is the reason why BY shippers have suddenly clung on to the idea that “It’s been happening since episode one! SLOooOowBuUuuUrn!!!!!” when its clear that it was not planned. (Not before the hiatus-from-hell, anyway.)

Then Marisha having Beau go from describing Jester as “She's fun. She makes me laugh. I like her ridiculous plans. I think she's complicated and layered.” to “It’s easy to lust after her”. I’ll direct you to Talks for ep85. After Marisha had mentioned that it was a bunch of little things that build, and then pinpointed a few of them, Brian tried to make a joke and said “So you’re saying it’s been more a series, than just one moment that you can point to and say ‘It was right here when I went, let’s fuck!’” Marisha specifically countered that with “It’s not even about 'let’s fuck’. It’s nothing sexual in this case.” (Having her backpedal on this so heavily was such a huge gut punch and was the thing that wholly soured everything for me.)

There were so many better, more delicate ways Marisha could’ve had Beau examine/come to grips with her feelings for both women, but all the reduction and saying they were ‘transferable’ was nothing short of insulting.

On that same Talks episode, Marisha also said this: “Going into this campaign all of us were like, ‘No relationships!’ I didn’t want it! I didn’t ask for this!”, while smiling. What this shows me is that she was thinking of a relationship in regards to Beau’s feelings for Jester. As if she was maybe even anticipating this culminating into something? Why even mention relationships at all if this was nothing serious and was always meant to fall by the wayside?

Brian then followed up with, “In my opinion, as a viewer, Beau’s someone who seems to be on the search for innocence. Whether innocence lost or just innocence in general. And to me it makes sense that you would be attracted to someone who exudes genuine and sort of intrinsic innocence.” Marisha replied with “Fairly astute.”

The next question was, ‘Beau has taken a pretty casual, no-strings-attached approach toward sex and relationships so far. How do her feelings for Jester compare to her previous romantic flings?’ Marisha answered immediately and very seriously with, “Noncomparable. It’s more than that.” She wasn’t playing coy and it didn’t take her a century to find the words. She didn’t even have to think about it. Succinct and direct.

How did all of that ‘organically’ disappear completely, after only 14 episodes?

(Everything felt more genuine back then, because it seemed like Marisha was going where the character was taking her, and not where she thought the character should be going.)

Post-hiatus, everyone and their mother are acting like BY is some epic romance-of-the-ages that was all mapped out, and like Beau having feelings for Jester was just some sort of temporary curveball. That Beau was confused, or was just missing Yasha and projected onto Jester.

That’s really fucked up no matter how you try to justify it. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen another piece of media backpedal this hard, and this callously.

None of that squares with what we were shown or with what we were told. Until, everybody made a hard pivot and now they've done (and continue to) do everything they can to rewrite campaign history, even though we have plenty of footage that contradicts the new ‘company line’.

Now, where the retconning truly began, with the playlists...

Remember the first round of playlists? Those were released randomly, whenever the cast felt like posting them. I also don’t remember there being announcements every time one came out either.

This time though, they had a fixed schedule, complete with official twitter announcements. As they started to just get back into the swing of things, Yasha’s playlist was released right after the first episode back.

So, right out of the gate, they had to make sure they started to drill home a certain mindset for viewers. That’s why Yasha had a song called ‘Let Me Hold You’. (Lo and behold, a few episodes in, Beau randomly asks Yasha to hold her.) A few weeks later, Beau’s playlist was released, and there was a song with the caption saying ‘Ultimately, all she really wants is someone to hold, and someone to hold her’. (But sure, no planning here! The wording is just a total coincidence, folks!)

The other song, directly about Yasha, mentions ‘a crush forged in battle’ (ok), and ‘awkward flirtations’ (???). Yasha never openly flirted with Beau before the hiatus, until maybe right after the Obann arc, in a very vague way.

On Beau’s playlist, there’s nothing about Jester. The one track that mentions her is actually about Artagan. Which, after all they’ve been through together, is fucking ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

In addition to that, Marisha had made Beau’s time in Kamordah (ep92/e93), and the incidents with her family and the Hag, about the group now, not about Jester, fully contradicting her own reiterated words that ‘Jester saved Beau’.

When Beau was talking to her dad, reverting back to her old self and getting all riled up, Jester helped her in that moment, and saved her. Yes, the group was very supportive, and yes, Yasha said something to him before they left the house (that Beau was out of earshot for by the way), but Jester was Beau’s rock throughout that whole thing.

With the Hag, when the group was having a hard time coming up with a solution, and they realized they might actually lose Beau, Jester stepped up and took control of the situation. She, single-handedly, saved Beau/the group from the Hag. And with that, Jester also became Beau’s hero.

In both instances, Marisha thanked Laura/Jester. First on Talks for ep92 with both of them on it. She reiterated, “You saved me. You saved Beau.” Then on Twitter after ep93 with, “Still processing last night. Saved by a cupcake? Eh - saved by @LauraBaileyVO ... again.”

But now suddenly, it’s the group. Just the group?

Now, don’t get me wrong. The entire party showing Beau support was incredibly important. The M9 showed her that they value her, that she’s important to them. It solidified the theme of ‘found family’, which was beautiful. But, to not also highlight how crucial Jester was in all of this, after making such a big deal about it?

That is very deliberate retconning of some hugely important, highly emotional moments for Beau that directly involved Jester.

Any of Beau’s organic and genuine connection with Jester (which encompasses their deep friendship as well as Beau’s romantic feelings) has been massively reduced (and now erased), specifically to prop up a supposed ‘deep’ connection with someone else that was barely ever there, is still barely there, and has no actual depth at all.

Case in point, the BY date (ep126) showcased this fact to the most extreme degree...

Yasha’s infamous line: “I fell in love with you in Kamordah.” So, Yasha literally watched Beau relive her childhood trauma, and caught feelings during it. I’m not wrong in thinking that that’s just a little disturbing, am I? Also, if that’s the moment she supposedly fell for her, why did she not offer her any form of help? I mean, besides that one sweet moment with TJ, the entire time Beau was in Kamordah, she was the most broken down she’d ever been and needed some real comfort, which is something Yasha did not give her. (Jester did though. In spades.)

So, on multiple levels, this seems highly out-of-place.

Several people have said that that line was not thought through. In my opinion, it actually was thought through and was only said specifically to have viewers completely dismiss everything else that happened in the Kamordah episodes. Despite the FACT that Beau and Yasha barely interacted during those episodes, they have now stripped down the party’s experience there, and twisted it into a giant BY shipping moment. (Further feeding into the retcon.)

Their ‘trip down memory lane’ was laughable. Most of the things that were mentioned, Yasha wasn’t even around for.

Gee, remember when the cast was actually good at separating what they knew from what their character knew? When you start injecting what you know into your character (who isn’t supposed to know, because they literally were not physically there), you are metagaming.

The entire date was one big metagaming bonanza. And it had to be, or else they would’ve had nothing to talk about. There is not one thing they have to call their own. To people who don’t have BY tunnel vision, it was made glaringly obvious that they have nothing in common and their dynamic is fairly shallow. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast are sitting there watching this unfold, smiling and nodding along as if it all makes perfect sense and isn’t utterly ridiculous. (And I’m sitting here wondering when I got shunted into the Twilight Zone.)

The shallowness holds true for FJ as well. Aside from both of them being from the Menagerie Coast, what exactly do they have in common?

While Fjord has grown as a character, as far as Jester goes, he still does not seem to have the capacity to fully understand her as a person, or fully respect her abilities/emotional strength/intelligence. He doubted her often, which led to Jester getting irritated with him several times over the course of at least the last third of the pre-hiatus episodes. He even continued to doubt her judgment (in regards to the Traveler) in the post-hiatus Rumblecusp episodes. But hey, they’ve kissed now (ep118) so all of that gets wiped clean, and he’s being touted as her ultimate romantic soulmate who’s oh-so-perfect for her.

For fuck’s sake, why does that sound like something pulled right out of a CW show?

(I'm convinced that the only reason FJ is ‘popular’ is because the shippers have projected Travis and Laura’s real-life marriage onto the characters. If Fjord and Jester were played by different people, or Travis and Laura were not together, people would realize how paper-thin and half-assed this pairing is and hardly anyone would care about it.)

Beau and Jester had developed the deepest, most genuine friendship and overall dynamic in the entire party, that should have absolutely been given the chance to be explored further. They constructed a pretty solid foundation that could have easily been built upon, and the fact that it’s been unceremoniously pulverized and snuffed out in favor of such overwhelming tepidity and flavorlessness will never not infuriate me.

Finally, to finish this off, I will say with my whole chest, that that is one of many nasty, rotten patterns that I’ve seen far too much of in all kinds of scripted media, which is...

Not wanting to commit to the thing that’s actually growing organically, because it’ll ruffle too many feathers. It’s too inconvenient. It gets in the way. Because of course, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to take a risk, or you know, actually follow where the natural fucking chemistry is taking you. Of course not! Heaven forbid, we go down a different road! You have to go with what’s ‘expected’, no matter what, at the great expense of something new that’s come along that’s clearly better. Even when what’s expected is hollow as fuck and doesn’t make sense anymore, because characters have grown and dynamics have changed, they decide to dig their heels in with the most fanservice-y options instead.

Yet this is UNSCRIPTED media. A D&D campaign, that’s supposed to be mostly improvised. D&D, that’s all about taking chances/going with your gut/making bold choices/etc., from people who have claimed up and down that they “like to see things play out at the table”.

So why are those same disingenuous patterns being utilized here too?

One of the big reasons I got into CR was because I naively believed that because the format was different, that the storytelling would be different. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about running into this nonsense here. That I wouldn’t have to worry about getting bullshitted, jerked around, and having my intelligence insulted left and right, but alas, here we are.

In conclusion... [TL;DR, kinda?]

Reframing past events (between B & J, and B & Y) to serve a current plot need (railroading BY):

Beau playlist ignores Jester’s importance to what transpired in Kamordah. (minimizing/erasure)

Beau playlist doesn’t acknowledge/hint at Beau’s feelings for Jester. (total erasure. could have at least included a song about feelings being lost, or being confused about feelings for a friend, but Marisha took the cowardly route, and didn’t bother mentioning it at all.)

Beau playlist claims that Beau and Yasha have both been flirting forever. (easily debunked by session footage.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “There was something about Yasha from the moment I saw her”. (it was just about hooking up then, and stayed that way for a majority of the campaign. This line suggests that Beau has had ‘deeper feelings’ for and/or has been ‘in love’ with Yasha since the first episode, that this was all intentional build-up, which again, is easily debunked by session footage, panels, and TM.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “It’s easy to lust after her.” (minimizing/erasure/twisting of Beau’s feelings for Jester, which Marisha had previously stated were ‘noncomparable’ , ‘more than that’, and that her attraction is ‘nothing sexual in this case.’)

This isn’t a fucking conspiracy theory. This is plain evidence of a planned retcon.

#op #super long post #uber rant #happy thursday! ;)#beaujester #i wrote this up back in december but didn't have the energy to finish it until now #it got longer as i went #guess i still have a lot of bitching left in me lol #that's what happens when you feel like you've been getting kicked in the teeth for nine months

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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* brigette lundy-paine, nonbinary + they/them | you know kirby wormwood, right? they’re twenty five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two weeks? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ring ring by mika like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole balancing acts at perilous heights destined to entertain, jack of all trades master of none, refusal to accept the mortal world as it is thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 1st, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hllo welcome 2 my third character i love them a lot theyre a. remake of an older oc of mine so this is fun <3 sdfhk anyways once again i am asking u. pleathe like if u wld like to plot.

ARSON TW

mini playlist.

wizard ;; lucas lex / ring ring ;; mika / crows ;; clues / sunrise sunset ;; bright eyes / la llorona ;; beirut / no children ;; the mountain goats / might be love ;; the pesky snakes / sax in the city ;; let’s eat grandma.

statistics.

full name: kirby wormwood (currently).

nickname(s): magpie.

birthday: december 1st, 1995.

zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon, libra ascending.

mbti & temperament: estp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the hellion.

hometown: abilene, texas.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

alright lets get right into it. kirby ws switched at birth. they cld’ve hd a very like. picket fence trampoline in the backyard. 4 columns cos its texas n it feels right. bt instead they were chosen <3 somewhat unintentionally <3 by dorothea n fawley wormwood, two traveling circus workers who emergency stopped in abilene.

n u know what. growing up in st. pierre’s traveling circus ws kinda fkn awesome? like ok. besides the fact tht they were homeschooled fr like evr n there were a sparing amt of children 2 socialize with? it ws p cool idk.

it ws kinda like everybody ws their parent n also not at all bc they were all very casual. bt they grew up learning hw 2 maintain the circus (n also like. normal school thingz bt i dnt think kirby hs ever cared abt school like ever) n whenever they hd a show kirby wld facepaint or handle tickets until they were old enough 2 start learning like. the Real fun things.

fawley hd a lot of his own weird odd little like superstitions n beliefs n practically raised kirby on them like n they dnt rly <3 make a lot of sense. lots of made up philosophy. very much like. nothing defines u. u cn b anything or anyone. n kirby ws like ok cool. n then developed a god complex.

names didnt rly stick 2 kirby when they were a kid like. nothing satisfied them or felt worthy fr them or simply they just. got tired of a name. this isnt related 2 them being nonbinary BUT it did help ease some of the. pressure of exploring gender identity. theyve only hd one name tht stuck genuinely n tht ws magpie n. thts bc everybody hd their own bird name n it felt very. like community. like a role. usually the names they used during performances bt. anyways KFHDSGLKKHL

theyre Kirby bt answers 2 most. neutral nouns.

honestly. they were also a rascal as a youth. ws like. oh. i learned sleight of hand? cool. time 2 pick pockets. wld throw popcorn into the hair of other kids n b like. omggg what was that ... became a mime fr a year. it ws a rigorous training.

now a master of charades. bt anyways. they traveled pretty much weekly, maybe bimonthly n sometimes just pure monthly. there wsn’t an off season fr them, when the colder months came they’d travel south and when summer rolled in they’d go right back up again. it ws easy to switch personas almost daily n just. never reveal ur true self. totally not saying tht’s what kirby did bt thts what they did. it nvr made them lose sight of themselves it ws more like. acting. tricking ppl fr fun.

anyways all good things come 2 an end and when kirby ws like. 18. they were like hey ur old enough that we cn trust u with fire. we think. n they started 2 learn fire-throwing n like. they were ok at it bt lessons were painfully slow n kirby ws like. i wld b so good at this if i cld do it all the time. n it ws like. hey kirby, chill. u already know a lot of things.

arson tw // u see where this is going. tents are kind of flammable. kirby ws unsupervised. bad decisions all around. circus is aflame. all the animals n all the circus workers got out fine bt like. st. pierre’s ws efficiently out of business. arson end of tw //

n kirby fkn booked it they just. ran. pure fear. nvr looked back which is like super traitorous of them 2 do bt. sometimes they meet up in secret like. sunglasses n all at a coffee shop. not all of them just like. fawley or someone else. theyre like. ur family u cld burn down a thousand circuses n we’d still love u. n kirby is like yeah i know bt i’ve rly committed to the bit now. n they dnt reunite.

anyways. since then kirby hs just been. a traveler. nvr rly staying anywhere fr super long n driving around in their shitty little van tht’d been used as housing back at st. pierre’s.

they’re in irving n theyve been there fr almost. suspiciously long. compared 2 their average stays. when asked abt what they do or why theyre there theyll just. give a vague answer or spin a long tale tht usually involves a burning circus.

theyre staying at uh. abernathy creek rn bc of course they r they fit in so naturally. welcomed with wide arms. might b soul searching rn might b on the hunt fr their birth parents might b just vibing ... whose to say ..

personality & facts.

has a Big personality tht attracts others fr better or fr worse. either super likeable or the most despicable person on the earth. no in betweens. n honestly tht is a talent in itself

has no off button is constantly. spinning tales or performing a dance or getting kicked out of bars fr whatever nonsense reason.

honestly they prob think tht nothing bad cn ever happen to them even tho like. bad has literally happened 2 them before? love the optimism here. KLFGDLKFSDHGF

acts a bit like u’ve known them fr ur entire life they r oddly warm in tht way bt they themself r so distant tht its like. oh nice ok ...

both honest n yet dishonest like. yes they will hustle u out of ur money bt they will also tell u their opinion straight up.

probably smart bt they r just like. prime thembo? flowy pirate shirts n cropped tshirts n pants tht r never tight. dresses like they do still work n live at a circus.

likes 2 instigate things between others n then stand back n just watch it happen while taking like zero accountability. loves a good small town drama. avid milf hunter.

does not hv any faith in the american healthcare system at all n will straight up refuse 2 go 2 a hospital if they get hurt theyre like. i cn do it myself im like practically a professional. they r not a professional.

bt does hv like. a thing abt apples. fkn loves them.

uuuhhh cn play instruments bt all very badly. only knows one (1) song tht isnt made up n its wonderwall by oasis. they play it at parties. they expect fr tomatoes to b thrown at them at any given time.

very nimble. agile. granted its frm. learning circus tricks frm a baby age bt they hv impeccable balance n cn sneak up behind anyone without a single noise. uses this 2 their advantage in order 2 scare ppl. chaotic neutral.

loves having the attention on them i wont fk around here. will go to drastic measures to accomplish receiving it. my other muses r capable of taking things srsly bt kirby just. is not. they do not take a single thing srsly they barely even took. st. pierre’s destruction srsly n they caused it. maybe.

likes being able to just. be unknown so the amt tht ppl know abt them is actually very. little. i dnt think they even tell others their last name. sometimes not even their first. just hs so many aliases n nicknames. i know i didnt list any bt thts simply bc Any cld.

probably acts out to compensate fr the. underlying guilt they hv bt thts okay. i mean it isnt bt.

will probably show up if u call them fr help bt they lose interest in people p quickly n r always moving onto the next shiniest person. bt when they do they give them like. all their attention. if u wrong them in this period they will just. ignore it. bt when theyre bored then its like. u werent even friends at all? very odd.

perhaps it is commitment issues bt <3 ya. thts them. they do not claim favorite colors or movies or. most interests. probably bc theyre very very disconnected frm pop culture i think they learn everything thru twitter n google.

i wld not call them a good person bt i also dnt think theyre like evil horrible nasty awful they just. think abt themself a lot more than they think abt others n also refuses to face consequences ever and also .. anyways.

wanted plots.

part of the bird’s nest ;; honorary bird honorary circus member. u hv to be very well regarded by kirby to earn a bird name bt i feel like tht doesnt feel like a lot considering theyve only been here fr like. two weeks KDGDSHKGK. the catch is tht u cn only refer 2 them as magpie frm then forward.

hand in unlovable hand ;; theres comfort in being terrible ppl together n it may not last bt it doesnt hv to anyways. its just them n the like. vibes. n knowing tht its smth thts nvr gna b long term. cld b anything ur character just hs to be also a little evil. KHDSGFDS

one jester ... wht abt ... TWO jesters .. ;; hoo boy. ooh man. unstoppable force and immovable object combine forces n just become. the worst of the worst. ultimate jokesters. epic pranksters. absolute clowns. chaotic energy unmatched. always nonsense.

n also ;; ppl they’ve stolen frm, ppl who hv caught them in that act, ppl who’ve maybe seen them in the circus a very long time ago, Found Family Trope, real family shenanigans, kirby just asking everybody if theyre their dad., mortal enemies if they see each other its an instant duel 2 the death, etc.

#( kirby wormwood. ) about. / sunrise sunset.#irvingintro #arson tw

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thefiveavengers · 4 years ago

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So, some people have asked why I think the song Connect, in Jester's latest playlist is about Beau. Other people have given their interpretation and I encourage you to find those, but these are my reasons why:

Well its a mix between what Laura says about the song and the lyrics. She says: "Someone who would understand her and be what she always read about in storybooks" which to me describes Beau and her relationship to Jester to a T. Ive talked about it before in my blog, how I think a big part of Jester's journey was projecting hard on Fjord this ideal of storybook hero, but slowly realizing that the person in her life who best fit that is Beau. And if there's anyone in the M9 who I think "understands" Jester the best is Beau. That line hit me so hard my jaw dropped, because Ive used such similar language to talk about their relationship it was almost like reading my mind.

in the lyrics there some imagery that is very easy to connect to things that happened in game or were talked about in talks machina: "I know I could save you I know you could save me too" to me relates directly to that conversation jester and beau had that jester went "you're avoiding me because I didnt save you" which is really the first time jester has shown remorse in not healing someone. that conversation was resolved by beau saying "I got you, you got me" but Jester still makes a point of being very specific when healing/saving beau. like she describes "putting her hands on her face and the first thing she sees when shes up is my face" vs, for example, when healing fjord on a later date, "I touch him with my foot and go, Come on, man" in a contemptuous tone. She also stresses THE FUCK OUT when Beau is petrified, even snapping a bit at Veth. and like I said, this anxiety about "saving" one of the 9 only really manifests regarding Beau.

the other piece of lyric that caught my attention was "No walls protecting; I'm just here to connect with you" which made me think immediately to when they went to Kamordah and this analogy of Beau putting up walls was mentioned both in game and on talks with Laura and Marisha. In that talks Marisha also uses the phrase "You saved me, you saved Beau" which is another call back to the previous lyrics.

And also there's some stuff that is more abstract so it doesnt hold as much ground, but that I can speculate anyways."I like your eyes" the only two people whose eyes have been commented on several times on the m9 have been Beau and Yasha. (hey, maybe the song is about Yasha after all) "What do you taste like?" that just sounds super gay to me. Like people don't say that kind of stuff about dudes "Are you surprised. That I would ask you that?" that to me struck me as something related to Beau because I don't think Beau expects to have her feelings reciprocated, so it would be a surprise hearing this from Jester. If Fjord is at this point still surprised about Jester's interest in him, than he is a bigger dumbass than I ever suspected.

My last point is more tangential, one reason that I think Connect is about Beau is that there's no other song in the playlist that explicit is. I think even if you don't ship Beau/Jester romantically you have to admit that Beau is the closest friend Jester has in the m9. Jester has songs for her mom, the traveler, Fjord. But this girl who grew up without friends, who values her relationship with Beau so much, who was distraught at the perspective of not rooming with her one night wouldnt have one about her defacto best friend? Idk, it's possible, but it would be weird as Caleb not having a song about Veth or the empire kids.

#critical role #lavorregard #beaujester #you are free to not agree with my interpretation #but it is how I interpreted and you're not going to convince me otherwise.

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potatoesandsunshine · 4 years ago

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Campaign 2 Wrap Up: Anna Potatoesandsunshine Edition

Seemed like it would be fun to go through all the fan content I made for this campaign and try to find at least one thing I like about each thing! Kind of like looking back through a photo album. Under the cut because as it turns out, I wrote kind of a lot! (As in, 21 fics and 3 playlists kind of a lot!)

the sea, once it casts its spell (fjord speculation, what’s up with all this ocean stuff?? the fic)

The first thing I wrote for c2, wayyy in the beginning of things. We had no idea about Uk’otoa or Avantika or anyone at this point, it was pure ocean vibes for my favorite warlock. I really like how hard I leaned in on the “the ocean follows Fjord to land” idea.

so many things will fill my life (but only one will do) (post-campaign cali/jester fluff, written the night of the cali episode and so sweet it could rot your teeth)

This one is just good. I just did good with this one. I’m one of those people who hates their own work the night of posting and then when looking back at it goes, “Wow, this is great.” My favorite thing is the little gifts sent along with the letters! Cali was so fun and cute :)

when the dust does roam (Beau study up to Episode 42, 2k words of Beau poking at the idea of grief)

Best thing I did in this fic was have Caleb-through-Frumpkin bugging Beau about getting some sleep. They really... they’re siblings, your honor.

“ “Fuck off, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Beau picks the bird up and sets him in the hood of her own cloak, out of reach of any weasels or startled monks in the morning. It’d suck to have to tell Caleb that his Frumpkin got eaten by Sprinkle.” C’mon guys, let’s do the sibling dance.

keep your swords out by your sides (the idea for this was, What If Fjord Has Nightmares From Uk’otoa Every Night and just doesn’t remember them)

Assigning everybody a word Uk’otoa had said for each nightmare in this was a challenge; I went into it knowing I wanted Caleb for Learn and Caduceus for Consume and had to guess the rest - for an angry eye snake Uk’otoa didn’t give us a ton of quotes.

“ He reaches over and runs a hand along the wall of the ship. From his touch, mushrooms begin sprouting.” Caduceus starting to decompose the Mistake in the middle of cooking was maybe the best moment in this story for me. Like, yeah. Yeah. Ok you funky little grave cleric.

strange but not a stranger (Caleb & Jester, in the immediate aftermath of Caleb’s charm in Episode 55)

the first of my “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” ideas that turned into a full-fledged story. I still had not discovered the em dash at this point, so the formatting of this makes me cringe a little bit, but this fic was really about The Emotions Of Being Out Of Control which turned out to be a very big Thing for the Mighty Nein.

now this story was when swords were humble (fake academia mixed with a Yasha study)

Honestly I’m still obsessed with the AU I made here where Yasha was just awakening every sword she used without knowing it?? Why did I use that here only?? That might come back. But the best part about this fic is the citations; me at my most in-joke and ridiculous.

through the teeth of this tempest (Written in the immediate aftermath of Episode 69, Yasha internally trying to break Obann’s control over the course of a month.)

The most “I wrote this to cope with canon” fic out of all of them. I was crying writing this, I was so upset that Yasha was gone ugh just remembering it. Still waiting for past me to discover the em dash, I genuinely don’t know why I didn’t know how to do it and I’ve thought about going back and editing all of these but I’m just Not Gonna Do All That. Anyway, I really like how Yasha catches lightning with her sword in this. We all really manifested that happening.

nothing more than what the losers settle for (Time travel, a series of oneshots where each member of the m9 sans Caduceus went back to a different point in the timeline and murdered Trent Ikithon)

This was my longest fic for c2, so I’m mostly just glad it got finished. This happened somewhere around the time Matt released that set of notes that mentioned Trent in more detail and I hated him so much I just had to write him dying six times. That speaks for itself.

Revolutionary!Fjord was also a good turn. He could pull it off, I think.

we’re gonna show ‘em a thing, or two, or three (Jester growing up fluff!)

I really like how I did Jester & Artagan in this, even though he barely appears. Someone better at songwriting than me please write the Dragon Song. Em dash makes an appearance here but the formatting is still wrong. I Am Once Again Asking For Proper Use Of The Em Dash.

the best things (happen while you’re dancing) (Mid-Episode 97 Divergence, Jester taking the reins at the party + hints of jester/beau/yasha bc i still love my girls so much)

Jester’s a little out of character in this, but not wildly so, and it was for the purposes of a Trapped By Societal Convention plot that I wanted her to mastermind so I think it was fine in the end. I’m still fascinated by the way she unbalanced Ludinus Da’leth in basically every interaction they had, and while their scene feels pretty cliche in this... the cliches are there for a reason. They’re so fun to write.

Em dash my beloved, there you are.

plus thirty-one varieties of sacramental wine (The Galavant crossover that truly nobody asked for, Beau + the monks)

Yeah, this one’s just fun. Not much more to say about it. Critical Role and Galavant are both fantasy, but they’re honestly pretty different in tone, and it was fun to write Beau dropped into a comedy musical.

oh we were sea-bound and aimless at best (Purely angst, a What If The Fjord & Orly Resurrections Didn’t Work fic)

Made myself care about Marius with this one, y’all. What more can I say? Beau having to go from first mate to captain was just... deliciously painful, because she would.

lost my shape trying to act casual (Beau & Yasha during travelercon, another mid-episode fic, this time of 104)

Yasha comforting Beau, who feels guilty for not feeling guilty... That Mighty Nein wasn’t lying, Mind Control and Autonomy can be themes. Another in the “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” tank. They really just... didn’t open up to each other for a long time, which made sense, but I wanted them to.

so long as you don’t mind a little dying (Beau & Caduceus, sometime in the peace talks arc)

Keeping with the Mighty Nein Please Talk To Each Other theme, I feel like I did a pretty good job with the late-night conversation energy of this fic. This was at a time when I was looking at Caduceus, can opener in hand, ready to make this firbolg open up about his feelings. Beau in this is prickly and confrontational but only in service of her friend’s well-being.

amber light, bending (Eiselcross speculation, Widofjord and all the messiness therein)

THE widofjord fic of my two widofjord fics. The blueprint. The better one. Finally I got the dynamic figured out. I maintain that the tower is an absolute expression of Caleb’s love for his friends. The way that neither of them have the braincell in this fic... yeah this one is just good.

and a blade between them (Widofjord happening... sometime.)

Okay so this is not as good as amber light and I will never be able to look at it and like it as much, but it was still fun to write. Anyway, the intimacy of shaving someone else. That is good. The tag “if they didn’t want me to think about the blood pact they shouldn’t have made the blood pact” is the most useful takeaway from this fic and is the driving force behind the Fjord/Jester/Caleb fic I’m working on now, so it wasn’t a waste of time or anything.

feel the ground beneath my feet turn into the sky (Post-Campaign Astrid-retires-to-Nicodranas, Astrid/Jester)

This is another one where I’m like “Yeah, this is just good.” Packed full of Wizard Fashion, Artagan making an appearance to rope Astrid into having a happier future, and the power of Going To The Seaside. Good for you, fic-Astrid.

spend your days biting your own neck (Role-reversal where Beau is the one mind-controlled this time and Yasha is the one chasing after her, set very early in the Tomb Takers arc)

So much of this fic is about not saying things aloud - Beau’s POV spends a good chunk on body language and Yasha writes multiple letters on paper and in her own head - but devotion bleeding through anyway because there’s nowhere else for it to go. The two of them go tumbling over a cliff together at the end but Yasha has wings, ugh. Yeah this was a good one.

and blow the dry leaves from the tree (Somewhere before the beauyasha date but otherwise timeline-nonspecific Nicodranas, Yasha & Yeza become friends)

Yasha & Yeza making pancakes together when neither of them know how to do so... is good. This fic is very much about grief sneaking in, but it’s even more about finding someone to share the moment with you. I think these two have more in common than we think.

oh, lend a mending hand (Caleb & Caduceus during Beau’s tombstone meditation in Episode 130)

I wrote this entire fic as an excuse for Caleb and Caduceus to hug and it does what it says on the tin. Got em.

it’s about the passing of measures (Beauyasha at the end of Episode 134, Aeor speculation)

This fic got extremely sidetracked because I rediscovered the marble machine during it and I do not apologize for that. I still really like the idea that Aeor as a whole, not just the Cognouza, is somewhat-alive. Too much magic and too much death for it to be anything else, in my mind. And I’m a sap for hurt/comfort.

the blumentrio playlist nobody asked for

If I think too much about how deep in each other these three people are I will cry. Made myself a soundtrack for those tears.

the caleb playlist nobody asked for

what if this angsty wizard had a playlist of songs that mostly just... make me want to dance? that question was answered here.

the caduceus playlist nobody asked for

songs about home, leaving home, dying, changing, becoming someone new, coming home and finding it’s changed... this to me is caduceus.

yeah... this campaign has been fun!! I probably won’t stop making things about it; I still write about Vox Machina, for crying out loud, but... it feels good to lay it all out like this. It’s been a long few years, and it’s wild to be seeing the end of it now.

#yes tumblr hates links yes here is an overlong post with 24 links #now THIS is why you make a blog. to look at your own work and say yeah several times.#critical role #i have some stuff i've been working on but i don't see any of it getting finished before the epilogue #looking back at everything is like... yeah! i had a lot of fun here!#anna's fic notes

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readymades2002 · 4 years ago

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partiallystar replied to your post “scenemcbc: oh beaujes was bait after all huh ^_^ thanks very cool ...”

omfg buzz i was STEAMING about it when i was watching it my twt feed was a MESS................... i dont have much to touch on that u havent already touched on here but god its the lesbophobia and racism and worst POSSIBLE way to say beau's moved on from those feelings (Which. Bullshit But Okay) in the world of it all

THERES LITERALLY SO MUCH and what’s frustrating is already seeing people having to go “well its their game they can do what they want i’m sad but fine with it ^_^” (bullshit it is a brand working on an amazon show and you know it, it stopped being a personal tabletop game ages ago, they know what they’re doing when they dangle bait) or “well im going to hope that this is a character thing and beau’s just lying because it doesn’t make sense otherwise” (which is right, it doesn’t make sense, but to do this you have to ignore cr’s entire history with hashtag Representation or even just with not caring abt romance being kind of forced--liam is pretty fucking bad at this lol--and all of the context, like what romances are being pushed and AGAIN the consistent mistreatment of beau pointing to Yes, It Doesn’t Make Sense, But It’s Happening Anyway)

its just. everyone is grappling with it together in this single corner because time and time again its been proven that no one else is going to bother caring or is gonna treat it like a Ship War or whatever and its cr anyway and what was to be expected its just. SO disappointing! even ignoring all the baggage with saying beau was Just Lusting After Jester (an interpretation that beaujester fans have had to fight tooth and nail for MONTHS already) its SOOOOO...LIKE.......LIKE YOU SAID. BULLSHIT BUT OKAY if you don’t wanna rp this relationship anymore there are better ways to say it but you also STARTED with “yeah her feelings for jester are not comparable to anything she’s ever felt before”...that’s not in character that’s NOT drunken rp, that’s the statement on the character in the meta and if liam’s stupid fucking r*ylobait romance is treated as legit because he confirmed it on talks then why wouldn’t this be!!!!!!!!!!!!! scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its. HM! there’s a lot of pieces at play! it seems pretty clear that things were discussed over the break, playlists were released (which i could continue to chew liam out about but i will withhold it for now), men decided to push romances and beau is expected to step back

beaujes hasn’t really been valued as legitimate by anyone but fans of it, i don’t think! the extent of acknowledging it in canon was done in a convo between nott and beau, which ended up in...nott constantly pushing fjord and jester fhfsds beauyasha is very good but it also feels very...Designated. like we are just pairing the two gay women together and have been from the beginning, so we can check it off the list. theyre wonderful but seeing something being Built over time only to become a condemned building is very fucking frustrating! it was never going to happen, like vax and gilmore just Wasn’t Gonna Happen. its not...a surprise that it got walked back but it is genuinely upsetting to see it done like this lol

#partiallystar #SORRY THIS IS SO MANY LONG PARAGRAPHS FHJSS #long post -#ITS JUST..........................STEAMS #ALSO because i think it is also important i /am/ gay and i DO want jester to kiss girls more than i want to see her with men #like blah blah You Can Do With You Want With A Character sure i don't care lol!!! neither of the dude romances are interesting to me!!!

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mercy-misrule · 4 years ago

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literally no one cares, its just me rambling about cr shipping. im not tagging it in the hope that folks who get rowdy won’t talk to me about it

my secret is that i was super into the idea of beau having the sort of very fucked up queer girl develops feelings for her straight friend co-dependent tense friendship with jester, the ones you have when you are from ages 10-19 that end in spectacular disaster

obvs because they are both older it wouldn’t be as intense and wouldn’t end as bad but man i want representation of that relationship because so many of us had that friendship when we were younger.

anyway, while i support any and all ships the cast actually create, i’ve never seen jester as anything but straight.

everyone’s interpretations are valid, of course, if you think different, until word of god comes down we are all valid in the house tonight.

just like caleb’s ‘little bit in love’ with jester isn’t anything but a person realising that they are capable of emotional connection when they thought they weren’t

which i feel was confirmed when the most recent caleb playlist came out and he wrote about how romantic love was doubtful for him but friendship and unshakable loyalty to veth is what he has.

I know fandom is like ‘he’s massively in love with jes!!!’ but like, that’s not there in canon or the canon that the playlists exist in. (which doesn’t invalidate shippers, people may do and write and draw as they please)

i’m not sure where this insistence that to ship things, it should be canon, and that nothing else should be comes from in current fandom, not just in cr.

fiction and art are about potential, if you see the potential then take that and run with it, it doesn’t matter if its canon. hell, caleb and molly are the most populous pairing on ao3, but they didn’t have much canon interaction. but people saw the potential there!

idk. if people want to confirm their ships via canon and canon only then they should be prepared to look at all the characters objectively. there are some ridiculously bad faith readings that people use to discredit ships they don’t like and i don’t get that either.

anyway this had a point and now im just rambling

tl;dr give me fictional representation of the high intensity bound for trainwreck friendships girls have. beau and jester were never going to be that, but again i’m dreaming about that potential.

#lets hope that tumblr's broken system keeps this out of tags lmao

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 6 years ago

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Eventually~ Benny Weir

A/n: This is honestly a mess I’m sorry.

Song Suggestion: “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede

MASTERLIST

“I’m going stag. Gotta keep my options open.”

I could feel Ethan’s eyes on me, apologetic and soft, but I ignored them. I didn’t care. I refused to admit that there was any reality other than the one where I didn’t care. Benny wasn’t going to ask me even if he DID take someone to the stupid dance and I’d rather him go with no one than have to watch him dote on a girl the whole night. A girl that wasn’t me. That would never be me. I knew these girls would get their head out of their textbooks and pretty bags eventually and see Benny for the total catch he was but until then I would hide my nerd where no one could find him.

My nerd? No. Wait.

"What about you?" Rory asked, turning to me. I hummed, raising my eyebrows. "Who are you taking to the dance?"

Everyone looked at me and I swallowed. "I- I haven’t been asked," I shrugged. "And I d-duh-Don’t have anyone in mind that would agree to go with muh-me so..." Ethan and Rory both threw me pointed looks and I pointedly ignored both of them in return.

Ever since I’d joined their little group, this had been happening a lot. After the girls found out about my crush on Benny, the boys realized not too long after, Ethan being the last one - only the next day. They’d been insisting I tell him, that he liked me too, but I didn’t see it. They’d all said that they weren’t going to force anything or push me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with so they were letting this whole thing take its own path but it was obvious they were getting impatient. They wanted to see us both happy and they supposed we could make each other happy. I knew he could make ME happy but...

Every time I thought that Benny and I might have a thing, my dopey side came out. I was a lot more like Rory than Benny or Ethan. Not just a nerd but hyperactive and energetic and a total dweeb. I ate too much, too fast, and snorted when I laughed. I talked a million miles a second and knew tid bits here and there about a million different fandoms, never getting all into just one. I made weird noises with my mouth and drummed against every surface with my hands, tapping the floor with my feet when my hands were still. I had a stutter and struggled to get a full, unbroken sentence out to Benny - or anyone for that matter - let alone flirting with him or encouraging him to flirt with me as smoothly as Erica or Sara would. You’ve heard of a man’s man. Now get ready for a loser’s loser. Aka, me. If Ethan was the Geek King then Benny was his right hand, or like the Prince. Rory was the Jester, along for the ride and offering some kind of help. I was a peasant. A no one. I had nothing to offer. No visions, no magic, no fangs. Looked over and useless and easily forgotten. Except that my friends reminded me on a daily that I was important, even if I didn’t feel like it. Even if my social alignment argued otherwise.

Honestly at this point I was just losing hope. I hadn’t had any real optimism about my crush on Benny going anywhere to begin with but these days I was messing it up so much and getting used to the whole friend thing that I was fighting to just make it disappear.

So I didn’t care. I didn’t.

- At the dance, 3rd Person POV -

Y/n and Rory had been so excited for the dance that Benny, Ethan, and Sarah had left the two out of planning in the mess against Jessie. Y/n was completely normal anyway, so she deserved a normal night, full of fun.

So while a pouting Benny waited by the punch bowl for Sarah’s cue, Rory and Y/n were on the dance floor, absolutely losing it. They were both going full out and laughing while the people around them couldn’t help but smile every time they looked over. The pair’s happiness was so contagious and pure that not even bitter couples or awkward lonley people could help but enjoy how much they were enjoying themselves.

Ethan was fine ignoring them, but Benny was struggling. At first it had been whatever as he hadn’t noticed them, but then Y/n’s loud, distinct laugh sounded and it had caught his attention. Now he was having a hard time looking away.

Y/n looked absolutely amazing. Not just because she was dressed up - though she really did look absolutely stunning - but also the energy and the way that smile light up the room... it was a sight. Y/n had always been like that for Benny. Even while he had crush after crush on other people and even before he had really been close to Y/n, it was hopeless. At the end of every night his mind wandered to and settled on one person. Every day his eyes caught most to one person, a smile tugging as he watched and thought and wondered. Now that they were friends, it was even harder. He found himself unable to help himself as he tripped over himself to drop any and every sign to let Y/n know how he felt to try and gauge if his feelings were reciprocated but it seemed...

Well, look at them. Y/n and Rory. Rory who was the only one who could always touch Y/n. Who could always get a laugh and who could always keep up with the fast talking and random references and high energy levels. Rory who could get dorky and loud but who could also be comforting and protective and safe when Y/n got anxious. Rory, who was always Y/n’s go to when stability was needed in the chaos of a problem. The two had been friends forever and honestly, Benny wondered why they weren’t just dating already. Obviously Y/n brushed off all of Benny’s flirting and advances because Rory was the goal, right? No way that it was a problem realizing that he was flirting and crazy about Y/n- a monkey could see how head over heels he was.

So as much as Benny couldn’t look away from the stunning sight of a happy, lively Y/n before him... he wished he could. As Y/n danced with Rory, he felt a little piece of him die. A little more hope lost. Another knife in the heart, a little twist once it was embedded just for fun.

Jessie showed up mercifully (though Benny was probably weird for thinking it a mercy thing for the maniac evil villain to make an appearance and crash the dance he had so wanted to go to and have a good time at) and pulled the two boys out of the room, giving Benny a distraction to clear his mind. Then Ethan got bit and Jessie dipped out as Sarah saved her friend from vamping out.

Now they were all here. Y/n had showed up just as Sarah disappeared in an upset panic, allowing Erica to try and go after her. Rory carried Ethan as he, Y/n, and Benny followed as they all took Ethan home. The night of fun and dancing was ruined and Benny was stressed about his friend. When they got home, Y/n patched Ethan’s arm up. Y/n was getting really good at playing doctor as the extra piece in the puzzle. Without any special thing like Benny’s magic or Ethan’s visions or a pair of fangs, Y/n had taken to bandages as well as stakes and bombs and holy water guns, adding an important piece to their group in a new way.

After he was all patched up, Rory took a seat on a chair. When Benny began pacing, Y/n sighed and grabbed his hand. He looked over, startled. "Come on," Y/n whispered, nodding toward Ethan’s door and the hallway beyond. Benny followed wordlessly because how could he say no? It was Y/n. He was pulled downstairs to the living room. Ethan’s parents were asleep so when Y/n stepped toward a music player Benny panicked. Y/n had it under control though. Soon ABBA’s Dancing Queen was playing just loud enough for them to hear, Y/n smiling and moving gently to the beat.

Fighting a smile, Benny watched for a second. "What are you doing?" He finally asked as Y/n attempted to pull into dancing too.

Smiling, Y/n shrugged. "I know how much you-ou wanted to go to the dance... I figured... L-look, you need to relax and... and there’s a luh-lot of stressful things going on. J-just- just dance with me, Benny. Come- come on." She looked a little exhausted, but comfortable. A world of difference from when they first started hanging out.

Benny smiled, unable to help himself. Y/n dropped his arms as he began to move, both of them dancing dorkily to the music, trying to keep their laughter quiet. There was a tension in the air, deliciously thick and full of something. Something so thick and demanding that it seemed tangible, pushing them closer and closer together until Y/n tripped and fell against Benny. Their eyes locked and both of their breaths caught, hearts racing as they tried to rightn their minds and steady their hearts. Enough beats passed that the song ended.

Everything I Own by Bread began and they both blushed.

"What playlist is this?" Benny asked to try and ease the tension. It only seemed to add to it.

Y/n shrugged, still not moving from holding his shoulders as his hands rested on Y/n’s waist, both of them not wanting to move away even if it had landed here originally just to steady Y/n. "I think this is actually that CD I burned for Ethan a while back. He asked what kind of music I listened to so I gave him a handful of my favorites."

Benny nodded, his eyes searching Y/n’s. "Wanna dance?" He asked.

Y/n swallowed. Her body was completely at peace. As they had gotten to know each other Benny had become less of an energizer and more of a stabilizer, calming and centering in the best way. In a way no one had ever been able to before. Y/n loved him more for it. "Sure." Benny tugged Y/n closer and their holds on each other shifted to accommodate for a slow dance rather than a fall.

Y/n loved him more for it.

As they danced, that feeling echoed and prodded, demanding to be recognized. Y/n thought of the almost three years now that the feelings for Benny had been strong and unwavering, no matter what or who happened. Y/n hadn’t been affected by the love potion like everyone else because the feeling was so familiar that Y/n knew how to deal with and control it. Y/n had pictured knowing and talking to and hanging out with Benny, but somehow he had taken all those daydreams and made reality even better. Y/n didn’t want to miss a single second of him. Of anything he did or said or - just, him in general.

Did Y/n love Benny? Was that allowed? Shouldn’t that be scary since the goal was to try and just be friends? Why wasn’t Y/n scared? Why did this feel so right? Why did it feel like everything was RIGHT, being with him like this?

I would give anything I own just have you back again.

Benny’s mind was racing as he looked at Y/n, his heart screaming at him to do something. Anything. Talk. Pull Y/n closer. Steal a kiss. Something! He was frozen, though. Despite his desperation to be with Y/n how he had been craving for the last while. He wanted it so badly! But he was terrified...

Had he been wrong about Rory and Y/n? If he was, did it matter? Did Y/n think of him as more than a friend? If not, could it become like that for them? Was the look in Y/n’s eye what he thought it was? Were the feelings that surged through him taking similar paths in Y/n’s body? Was there something just under the surface, almost out in the open and swirling through the air but being repressed but heir idiocy? Was this tension trying to tell them something? Or was he desperate? Wanting it so much that he was imaging it? When had any advance on someone he liked gone the way he wanted it to? What if he was wrong and he messed up and Y/n never talked to him again? He’d be back at square zero again...

Is there someone you know. You’re loving them so, but taking them all for granted? You may lose them one day. Someone takes them away, and they don’t hear the words you long to say...

I would give anything I own. Give up my heart, my life, my home. I would give everything I own just to have you back again. Just to touch you once again.

Benny swallowed, leaning closer. His nose brushed Y/n’s and Y/n gasped so softly Benny almost missed it. There was no way. No way this was happening. Both of them were in shock at the show of wanting from the other. Y/n was breathless, air stolen by the overwhelming sensation of the idea of kissing Benny. And Benny was feeling Y/n’s hands tightening on the back of his neck, hearing the swallow and the gasp and the nervous noises of surprise and nervousness. Emotions that must mean approval because even though Y/n was aware of what was in his mind, he wasn’t getting pushed away. Turned down. Blown off. If anything, it was almost like Y/n was a millisecond from leaning in too. Or, at the very least, encouraging him.

Just as a decision was about be made, Rory came in. "Hey he’s..." his words faded out as he noticed what he had walked into, the both of them pulling away. Both were blushing, Benny swallowing and unable to look at Rory, suddenly scared maybe he’d interrupted something that MIGHT have been happening. Y/n was flustered and suddenly moving. Fingers tapping, toe digging into the carpet. "Awake," Rory finished, his expression guilty when he caught Y/n’s eye. Y/n sighed, a simple head shake all Rory got for his silent apology. It was whatever. Let’s move on.

So they did.

And they didn’t talk about the almost kiss again, for a long while.

- Reader POV -

"I don’t want to fight them," I whispered, my eyes on Benny’s angry expression.

Sara frowned. "You don’t want to punch him? Not even a little?"

If I was being honest, I really couldn’t say no to that. "Get one punch in," Erica told me. "It’ll make you feel better. We’ve got the moon stones."

"That’s a little unnecessary though," I hissed, trying to hold myself back.

Erica chuckled once, the sound exploding out of her mouth in a puff of air. "Sweetheart if ANYONE deserves to hit Benny when there’s only one hit to give, its you. For everyone, go for it." I shot her a look and then Sarah and they both shrugged, not caring either way.

Benny made my decision for me. Rory attacked Sarah, who was immediately backed up by Erica with her moonstone. Benny tackled me to the ground, pinning me at first. Sara and Erica turned to me. "Go,” I grunted. "I’ve got him." They paused and I struggled with Benny’s hands not finding purchase around my throat. "Go!" They sighed, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes before moving onto saving Ethan.

It wasn’t that I WANTED to fight Benny.... per say... Maybe there had been a growing need to push him though. Slap him or shove him or trip him. Anything to get that dumb grin off of his face. It came with loving him, I guess. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him. But I never did because I knew it would go away and I would never hurt him. Now was my chance though. To get away with it.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I twisted my body so we rolled, me on top. I used my momentum to pin his arms over his head. His eyes went wide as my moon stone fell out. I smirked, reaching down and snagging it in a split second after letting his hands go, pressing the stone against his forehead. There was a bright light that made me turn away and then he went limp under me.

Okay so many fighting him hadn’t been a good idea. I was out of breath, my hands planting on his chest to hold myself up as I caught my breath. The skull broke and everyone got reoriented once the spell was broken. I was so busy thinking about the stupid skull and the leather jacket Erica insisted I wear and the whole stupidity of my feelings that I’d let take over and this whole, stupid situation... I forgot that I was still straddling a shirtless Benny, my hands flattened against his chest.

His hands rested on top of mine and I looked over, our eyes locking as mine went wide. "Hey there," he greeted, his expression soft and his eyes searching mine.

I swallowed. "Hey."

A laugh caught my attention. Erica approached us, her smirk wide as she crossed her arms, lifting her eyebrows. "Gonna stay there all day?" She asked me.

His skin was warm against my hands and I’d never admit it out loud but he looked fairly good without a shirt. If I was being honest and was able to get whatever I really wanted, YES, I would be staying here all day. But I wasn’t getting or being either of those things so instead I swung my leg over and pushed up to my feet, shaking my head silently and offering my hand to help Benny up. My body was tingling and burning as if my insides were like an annoying younger sibling, poking me relentlessly and going ‘hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey you. Hey.’

Benny took my hand and we worked together to pull him to his feet. Once he was up, I froze as he took an unnecessary step toward me, masking it as a small adjustment to help him gain complete control over his balance even though it was obvious he had had control the second he was on his feet. We both paused and then I moved away, pushing my hair behind my ear and walking as fast as I could.

What the HELL was that?!

Benny Weir was infuriating. One second he was giving you his jacket or almost kissing you and then the next he was checking out other girls and screaming about how hot they were. It was the number one reason why I was so sure he didn’t like me. He didn’t want to be with ME, he wanted to be with a GIRL. Any girl.

It was heartbreaking.

I pulled my guitar from next to my bed, strumming. I hummed quietly, trying not to alert anyone in my house as to what I was doing. Music was my one actual talent. I had so much free time, I had to do SOMETHING with it, right? My dad had long since thought I stopped playing guitar and since he was usually working, sleeping, or hanging out with his buddies he wasn’t often around enough to catch me even when he was in the house. We had a system going. He left me alone and stayed out of my business and I was low maintenance and kept my grades up and came to him if I really needed anything major. It worked for us.

The problem was that since I had gotten friends, he was stoked. He let each of them know where our spare key was and gave them free reign of our house, allowing them to come over no matter what day or time it was. Every time I was happy to see them and it didn’t bother me to have them come in - Erica, Sarah, and Rory had free reign as well since my dad and I had both stated that they had eternal privileges to come and go as they pleased and they LOVED it since it made them feel so normal. It made them all smile because my house was so chill and they all felt normal and free here. I liked how they livened the place up. So I was always happy when they came over.

Except now.

As I stopped, a soft smile on my face, clapping started and I jumped, looking over. "That was awesome!" Benny gushed, eyes wide in awe.

I shot to my feet. "What the h-heck Benny? What are you doing huh-here?"

He paused at my genuine anger. "I just wanted to come over and... I had to do something." He took a step forward but I was blinded by the fear inside of me. He was so close and he’d invaded my safe space. I’d kinda been avoiding him since the almost-kiss and in my moment of privacy and freedom, he’d invaded. I kept my secret about playing and singing a secret so long and now I felt like someone had tugged my pants down or something. I felt exposed and raw and awkward. Maybe more like someone had read my journal without my permission. Not that I had a journal. That was lame.

"Get out!" I yelled.

He stepped back, hands up. "Whoa." His eyes brows rose. "Is this about you playing? I’m not going to judge you, Y/n, it was great. We all have our talents it’s honestly not a big d-"

"It’s a big deal to me!" I screeched, my face twisting with anger.

His eyebrows came together, sighing and shaking his head as he tried to form words to vocalize how dumb he thought I was being. A fight was coming, I could feel it. But then his eyes landed on something else and his face softened, the tension in the room shattering in a second. "Is that my jacket?"

Following his eyes I saw the jacket on my bed, on top of my pillow. Usually it was shoved under my blanket so no one could see, but I wasn’t prepared for visitors. Usually they’d give me a call or at least yell to me before they came into my room. And if it was with absolutely no reason it was on weekends or we were in such a rush with some supernatural panic that no one noticed the jacket. I reached out for it, blushing, then drew my hand back. "Um," I began.

"You still have it?" I looked back at him but he was smiling.

That confused me. "I’ve washed it a bunch and kept meaning to give it to you."

He rose an eyebrow. "You’ve had it since freshman year. Since we first talked. It’s been a while, Y/n."

I blushed, gripping my guitar until my knuckles were white. "I lost it for a while," I mumbled. "My room was a mess and... and then I found it about a month ago and just... haven’t gotten around to giving it back to you." That was true, for the most part. But the really real truth was that after I’d found it I’d begun to sleep with it, pretending it smelled like him after so long, pretending I was... I was...

Snagging it off my bed, I chucked it at him. "Get ou-out," I snapped.

"No you have the wrong idea. You can-"

"G-G-GUH-G-GET OUT!"

Benny stepped back, shocked, his jacket in hand. "Fine," he mumbled, obviously upset. "Fine I’m leaving. Geez, sorry I interrupted." He turned and I waited until the front door closed before I sunk to the bed, putting my guitar down and placing my face in my hands. What was WRONG with me?! His jacket had become like a security blanket and now I felt suddenly cold without it nearby.

Geez I was a mess wasn’t I?

Something was draped over my shoulders as I spun around, jumping back when I realized Benny was right behind me. I looked down. It was one of his jackets, except not the one I had stolen oh so long ago and just barely returned. Oh god it smelled like him. I went to take it off but he caught my wrists. "Keep it," he insisted. "The other one... I didn’t want to give it back." I rose an eyebrow but he just sighed, shaking his head. I let the lack of a reason slide. "I remember when you used to wear my jackets around all the time. I just... miss seeing you in them I guess."

Our eyes met. "Why do you do this to me?" I choked out, my face slack in defeat.

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused.

Since I’d become friends with him, my stutter had died down a lot unless I was really upset and my confidence had sky rocketed. They’d stayed and hadn’t left me, made fun of me or gotten irritated with me. Not even Erica, who had become like my protective older sister where Rory was the annoying younger brother I never wanted but would die for and was glad for every second he was around. Because of that friendship and stability and happiness and confidence, I said what I said now with ease.

"You do- this," I grunted, motioning to him. "Look at me with- with that look. Like I’m the only- the only person you can see. You talk with this kind of voice that m-makes me want to melt and you touch me and m-my skin buzzes and then you say things that make it seem like... make it seem like you like me. You almost kiss me or dance with me or give me your jacket or st-stay up all night studying with me. You remember things that no one else does and encourage me and even kuh-kissed me on the cheek a few times, your eyes trained me like- like I’m all you care about. And then-" I closed my eyes, stepping back to clear my head. "And then you scream at the top of your lungs about wanting this or that girl or how huh-hot someone is or something and I feel so small and stupid and CONFUSED! God Benny just let me know, you know!" I opened my eyes, my emotions suddenly exploding as I spilled years of wanting into one let em’ rip moment. "I’m crazy about you, you jerk! Can’t you tell? Are you enjoying watching me squirm? Are you just oblivious? Geez! I... I just... I j-just need you to stop, okay? Because you’re leading me on, even b-by accident and it HURTS. I need our relationship to be clear and it’s not so just st-"

My splurging rant was cut off as Benny’s hand caught the side of my face, lips pressing against mine to cut off my words. I hummed in shock and he leaned close, his other hand pressing gently to my waist, tugging me softly, as if asking. Wondering. Would I do anything back?

So I melted against him, kissing back. He smiled and my hands rose, holding the back of his neck and slipping into his hair just a bit. Soft. His hair was soft. And he was warm. Warm and soft and goodness it felt so good. I stepped back against my locker and he followed me, pressing me against it just a little. Not aggressively but like he was leaning on me. It made me wonder if his knees were as weak as mine were.

When we stopped kissing, I was reminded that we were in a very public school hallway and counted my blessing that it was lunch so no one was around to see and tease us. His forehead rested on mine, our eyes closing as our breaths, fast and light, mixed in the air between us. "Clear enough?" He asked breathlessly.

I grinned. "You... you... y-you..."

He chuckled. "Take your time."

Instead I kissed his cheek and he leaned away, our eyes opening and searching each other’s. "Me too," was what I managed out.

He nodded. "I know."

Grinning, I cocked an eyebrow. "Did you just Han Solo me?"

His laugh was gorgeous. "Only if that makes you Leia."

"In no world are you Han Solo and I’m Princess Leia. We’re totally not cool enough."

He touched my face gently. "I’m the sarcastic piece of crap brought to reach my full potential to impress a total badass. Sounds right to me." I blushed. He leaned close. "I want to kiss you again. Do you want to kiss me again?"

Smiling, I nodded. "I don’t think you have to ask," I mumbled as he leaned down.

"Just in case," he shrugged.

Our noses bumped into each other’s and we laughed. The bell rang and we parted, our hands falling to our side for a second before he moved to the space of wall by the locker I leaned against. I turned to face him, both of us crossing our arms and looking at each other in a sort of dorky stare down. We were both blushing and grinning and I didn’t know what either of us were thinking but I didn’t want to look away.

"Did you guys kiss finally or are you planning some sort of prank that’s going to make me hate you for weeks?" Erica asked, rolling her eyes.

She said stuff like that often and Benny was always the one to respond, usually diverting attention as he flirted with her, making her roll her eyes again. And then we’d have some epic prank that made her get that much closer to dripping us dry. Or so she said. But this time Benny didn’t even look away from me as he replied, "We kissed. It was great. You’re allowed to be jealous."

Erica froze, looking over at us. Then she was suddenly next to us, snapping her fingers in between us to grab our attention. We both looked at her, our expressions unchanging. "What?" She demanded. "Seriously?!" I nodded. "Oh my god!" She screeched, grinning. "So are you guys official or are we going to have to torture through some more awkward angsty tension before you open your eyes? Cause I’ve had about all I can take at this point."

Benny was the one who acted next, moving next to me and wrapping an arm around me so his right hand could take my right hand, pushing off the lockers and moving through the hallways with me, leaving a soft kiss against my forehead. I blushed and Erica screamed ‘finally’ so loud that I giggled too. "Only if you want," Benny added after Erica was out of hearing range.

I smiled up at him. "I want," I told him.

I guess everyone was right. It had to happen eventually.

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