#its not the end of the world but id like them to have the option of a warm dry stall

[gargelyfloof118]

Somewhere between 5 to 7 yards of dolomite were delivered and spread in the runway for the barn.

It didn't get properly tamped down by the contractor our neighbor ordered, so Hubs rented a tamper and did his best to pack it all down, wet it, and pack it down some more.

We roped off the area in hopes it can dry and become more solid before the horses tear it up with their hooves. And now it's raining...

It does look nice though.

[tai-janai]

ok continuation of the protector au

most of the voices can no longer see any good in the princess, because the Protector (reminder that he's the Hero) already planted in our brain that she truly cannot be trusted.

The princess, whether you take the blade or not, does plan to end the world.

"The world put me down here. If you help me out, you will be spared when I do end it."

and your choice comes there.

The Voices all keep the same core aspects, but have different goals or motivations. The Arms represent the ways the Princess has left her effect on You. With almost all of them, instead of sending the vessel to the shifting mound like they usually do, they completely want to kill her.

The Paranoid becomes Repulsed by what the Princess becomes, afraid in a way he wasn't in the source material. He is more willing to attack her, but less confident in it. The Protector has to encourage him to help the body kill her.

The Cold becomes the Aloof, one of the least trusting of the Narrator because he still doesn't like the "reward" they are given, but the Protector doesn't hate that we ended ourself, so he is less standoffish towards the others because he isnt judged for how he feels. After all, it is a defense mechanism, and the Protector can recognize that.

The Stubborn becomes Enraged because the princess defeated him along with her. (She still says 'this was fun' but in a much more sinister way) He wants to kill her, but he plants the thought in our head that she can only be defeated if we die. His doubt affects reality. the Protector initially supports his enthusiasm, but becomes hopeless when he realizes that it is all in vain.

The Opportunist becomes the Plotting; cruel and twisted. He takes the Protector's words and twists them how he sees fit, wanting the princess to suffer as much as possible by befriending her before backstabbing her. The Protector is kind of afraid of this one. He may want the princess dead, but he doesn't wish harm upon anyone.

The Contrarian becomes the Errant, and wishes for something different. You know its fucked up when the Contrarian equivalent becomes the voice of reason. Unfortunately, the Protector isn't a big fan of this option until the Errant does show up and shows a way out that seems the most safe.

Unfortunately for the Skeptic, nobody here is willing to give him any answers. The Narrator has his Rules and the Protector knows what happens when the Long Quiet becomes aware of the situation. Most voices accept this, but the Skeptic becomes Vexed. He actually becomes similar to the Cheated, where he believes he deserves what everyone else has, but has no way of getting it.

The Broken doesn't change much. he will still fawn over the princess, believing her to be much more powerful than anything, and completely inevitable. He just doesn't want to be a part of it once it is gone; but that isn't an option for the princess. she needs the long quiet to reach her full potential. She wont show "mercy" to the Dismal.

The Smitten becomes fully blind to the Princess' blaring red flags, committing himself to her fully as long as she shows any sort of returned affections. In the Damsel route, i think id have an end where you ask her too many questions, and she attacks you, but the Hapless is blind to her danger, and lets her. She is only getting close enough so that you let her use you to enact her plans.

The Hunted becomes less of prey than he had been, enacting purely on instinct so that she cannot win against him continuously. From hunted to Ferine, he will keep the body moving and standing. The Protector is also kind of afraid of him and his determination. I think, in this Beast route, there would actually be a branch where you can defeat her.

Last but not least, the Cheated becoming the Steadfast. He becomes the closest to the original Hero, urging us to improve ourself, though his extent is unhealthy. Like before, he just wants one of the worlds to be safe. At some point, he has to beat the princess. The Protector tells him that they're doing more harm than good... but it isn't a win, so it isnt enough. Not until the Protector cuts them all off.

[daydrinking75]

fuck off i just wana get high of prescription medication so my back stops hurting and not participate in society. cant i just DO things? without the weight of having a future and fighting for to keep it. its not that im being forced to, but its my only option. i dont think its worth dying yet, theres nothing to die over really; the cumulative experience of 20 years really is nothing in the grand scheme of things. i have an idea of who i could be, and id like to see that person and be that person, but i can only do so if i keep living. and living means work. it takes a lot of work to live. and that makes me just wana kill myself because why is life--something thats upheld on this stupid pedestal and considered "good"--so damn painful? to me anyway. thats the unfortunate thing, i can only experience the universe through myself. these things are only painful to me, in the sense that without myself present, there wouldn't ve anyone in pain. and the world wold continue to exist. "painful" really just means inconvenient. then again, maybe i just havent felt real pain. im a white girl complaining on the internet with fancy words--i know how it sounds. and even then, pain beyond my understanding is just an extreme inconvenience beyond my understanding. it doesnt devalue it though, what was gained and lost from the pain doesnt go away just because it's a pest. thats the opposite of what they do. some people have wasp nests in their brain. some people clean them out, some let them fester--some people have butterflies (how wonderful that must be), ants, spiders--things of an infestive nature. they accumulate over time, its up to you how to handle it. its a responsibility, to live. to ensure to properly treat the environment of infectents. and ive always struggled to care. to give a fuck. i just dont. for whatever reason, on principle, i couldnt be bothered with responsibility. but i am by the suffering it brings. and the eventual suffocation--forget falling figs, i feel like im watching termites devour my future because of my conscious neglect. i cant stand it. and im sure this is a common occurrence. but i dont have a "will to live" i have a will to become, and the only way to do that is to stay alive long enough for me to understand and grow myself into someone worth dying next to. because im unable to become something when i die, thats all i am, dead. and all the blood and tears and trauma that comes with that concept. but in my experience life is full of that anyway, and the only thing that sets apart the "big sleep" is the act of ending life. it just stops. its a given that im agnostic--i wish i believed in a god that loved me, people often seem happier when they have divine love, even if it hurts others--and for me heaven isnt a place i'll find after i die. hell might be, but that doesnt change the fact that the afterlife remains provably defined as a variable. an entity of limitless possibilities, including nothing at all. the only thing thats known for sure is that its not this, its not life. otherwise it wouldn't end so abruptly. so life and death are antithetical and interchangeable; just two different states of existence. its not by any fault of its own that death is so painful; its a function, a process, it will execute its purpose regardless of if it hurts someone or not. unfortunately all things living, including people, are those who deal with the hurt. no one finds the things that hurt them appealing. well, thats a lie. if you know you know. lets say its at the very least impractical; if you want to live, why would you be attracted towards death? what a wonderful question. its a shame i dont have the answer. i have speculations, educated guesses, impulsive thoughts, but its about time i circle back to the point im trying, flimsily, to make; its impossible to live without thinking. without engaging in life. in society. in people. its those things that give us substance; reality is precious because its uncontrollable, daydreams wont ever compare. so maybe the unknown isnt so scary. its different.

[gwaaaaar]

MazM Metamorphosis thoughts

mazm look away im gonna be saying some shit.

SO. I haven't finished the game yet unlike hns which i speedran in 3 days oops. But im getting through it when i do remember.

For starters let's do some positives. I know I'll be getting... pretty negative soon, so I'll at least be nice at first.

Good art! This is one of the first MazM games which maha and crack haven't worked on. I MISS THEM!!! But the new artist, martin isn't half bad at all! I think their art is super charming. They have good shapes and expressions. Something really cool MazM did with the art style was having the metamorphosis episodes translate the irl characters into a sketchier art style to illustrate the fact that its a story. Its really creative and brings some uniqueness to it. The cg cards are in a goregous messy sketchy style thatnreally shows the turmoil in Kafkas heart I love it so much. So not lacking in that department.

Nowwww I don't know how much I can judge historical fiction/rpf. I always function under a basis of as long as its respectful (especially considering it's Kafka... poor dude went through a lot) that it's fine. So far I think its quite alright. The portrayal of emotional abuse is really chilling. Honestly scared the shit outta me... good writing. Ill come back later to this once I'm done.

Nowwwww for my negatives...

You can tell mazm lost half their employees . Adyu (the animator) left the team in janurary. They did all the chibi sprites and live 2d rigging in previous games so all the characters movements are bc of them. If they don't have an animator they can't do the chibi world things they did in previous games. People complained abt mazm games lack of gameplay before but this takes it to a new level. They made do with what they had in a visual novel format but I just don't think it's as engaging as what they had before. Especially considering the fact that we don't have diverging options. Lessa Checkmate is in a similar format but I recall they mentioned it had multiple endings and alternate forms of gameplay involving chess iirc. Which is a fair compromise. But here it just feels a bit empty without extra gameplay. Like. It's ridiculous seeing the Kafka sprite just lie in bed or have a desk in front of him thats like a wide piece of wood. Theyre not animated properly like the Hyde and Seek live 2d. Which is a damn shame! Martin did such a wonderful job on the art and it should have been brought to life by good animations.

I understand MazMs going through reforms and shit rn, but we had it good with jnh/poto/pechka that was PEAK. HNS/pechka was actually on top and while Thy Creature lacked in plot, everything else is really incredibly like the lore and worldbuilding and the characters. If MazM works on dracula, id rather it be a thy creature than a metamorphosis.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

since chuuya was under koyo for a while, do you think he also got the ye olde "flowers thrive in darkness bla bla bla the world of light is meaningless etc". because its...sorta perfect to like, kinda instill the fact that he belongs in the mafia (or the world of "dark") so id imagine hearing the detective from sb saying he wants to bring chuuya to the "world of light" mustve meant a lot to him, only to lose that man moments later because of verlaine (which, interestingly enough, is similar to how koyo lost the man who was going to escape pm with her- to the world of "light")

Anon I love the paralleling here.

You know, I've often wondered what kind of influence Kouyou had on Chuuya. The only thing we know for certain is that she had him sit in on negotiations, and in the main manga, Chuuya is sent to negotiate with the Agency, so suffice to say, he must've learned well from her.

But you know, I think there was never any need for Kouyou to be so explicit about her "flowers that bloom in the dark can only thrive in darkness" belief, mostly because even by Stormbringer with the offer from Murase, Chuuya didn't think he was worthy of such a thing as joining the world of light. I believe much of that had to do with his doubts about his humanity, but even by the end of the story - Who helped Chuuya? Who defended him? It was the Mafia. And Kouyou was there too (ironically looking down on Verlaine's behaviour when... that's almost exactly what she tried to do to Kyouka...). In his mind, these people fought for him, so he stays and protects them. That's just the way Chuuya's mind works.

See, even if nothing was stated directly, undercurrents of a belief like that probably would've been present in her actions and the form her guidance took. There would only be certain types of advice she would give - because those are the only options available for people like them, stuck in the dark and there to stay.

Thing is, both Chuuya and Kouyou have this interesting sense of loyalty where they stay with the Mafia in part because they have something to protect - Chuuya cares for the people within the organization as they are his family, while Kouyou refuses to let the Mafia return to the ways of the old boss and protects Mori specifically for that reason. However, another huge drive behind their loyalty is, I think, simply because they believe they have nowhere else to go.

I also think it's interesting to note that the two act wildly differently only around one specific character who reminds them of themselves in some way - namely Kouyou sees herself in Kyouka and tries to shield her (but not really seeing Kyouka as her own person in that sense and assuming she knows best for her), while Chuuya sees himself uncomfortably in Dazai and is furious about it (so he tries to be everything Dazai isn't, in a sense).

It's interesting because typically Kouyou is very logical and an expert in negotiation (honestly I think she's the only reason Mori gets anything done sometimes... she's like, one of only two functioning executives and the only one to call him out on his bullshit). But when Kyouka is around, she becomes incredibly shortsighted and actually commits a serious faux-pas in negotiation - which is when one becomes unwilling to see other options (think it's called the "fixed pie"... I can't remember). She's trying to save Kyouka but not really - Kouyou is actually trying to save herself, but that endeavour is hopeless, in her mind, so it manifests as this urge to just keep her with her.

And with Chuuya, he's typically quite rational as well. Sure, he prefers to punch his problems whenever possible, but he's no fool. He's also quite surprisingly empathetic - he'll lay a beatdown on anyone but he also really gets people and respects them as human beings - it's a really notable aspect of his character. But Dazai? Dazai makes him lose it. He refuses to consciously empathize with Dazai - precisely because, as I've described in previous posts, they are so similar at their cores that he does understand him - and that's deeply uncomfortable because Chuuya does not want to be like that, or rather, Chuuya does not want to admit that there are sides to him that are like that. He rebuffs Dazai, often quite violently. But then he also worries for him. But then he thinks Dazai can handle himself. I've mentioned this before too but Chuuya's self-concept is deeply screwed up. He's not protective of his foil like Kouyou is with hers - Chuuya does not include himself in his self-appointed duty of protection.

The tragic thing about both of them is they are both people who lost their childhoods and were forced to protect themselves. So, when they are offered the bare minimum of support or safety, they feel as though that is something worth protecting, or even something to feel grateful for.

In many other series, this would likely be a heartwarming thing. In the context of these characters, it's tragic.

They can leave at any time. But unless something significantly changes, they never will.

Anyways, think I kind of derailed a bit from your original ask anon (sorry about that) but yeah I absolutely agree that losing someone immediately after just hearing that they believe in your potential must have been horrible, on top of everything Chuuya was going through already, and I do suspect his trajectory might've been different if Murase had lived, much like Kouyou's would've been drastically different if her and that man had've succeeded in escaping, and how Kyouka's was because of Atsushi.

@originalartblog has a Murase design and some comics with him that are wonderful and make me feel bittersweet emotions; I highly recommend you check them out anon, if you haven't already!

[pickledpascal]

Killer Queen

Chapter Two: Walk This Way

Warnings: barely any plot, smut, oral, could be considered a bit non-con but id say its more consensual non-con, the start of some pavloving, slurs

Word Count: 2.9k

Killer Queen Masterlist

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Taking care of Soldier Boy, and housing him, was not what Amber signed up for when Butcher told her about this imaginary weapon. But Ben was powerful, very powerful. Enough to take away the powers of any Supe within distance of his blast. So Amber complied with Butcher's request. She was careful enough not to drive down any populated areas just in case the street cameras caught a glimpse of him. 

"Man, you live in the middle of fucking nowhere." Ben murmured as he slammed the car door shut and took in the house in front of them. 

It wasn't too far away from the city but far enough that Butcher trusted Ben, and Ryan, wouldn't be found. Ryan especially. The house looked plain on the outside, siding painted white with blue roofing, and had two stories. But there were a few surprises inside. 

Amber bit the inside of her cheek. The urge to slam the guy against her car and show him who the boss was bubbled inside her. She refrained with gritted teeth. "Might be good for you, not fucking randos every chance you get." She led Ben inside, checking to see if Eden was home. If she was, Ryan wasn't too far behind. "Eden! Where ya at?" 

"My room!" She heard her friend call back. 

Amber had Ben stay in the living room as she went to go talk to her friend. Which left him with the only option to look around the house. He observed the living room. A flat screen TV donned a wall while framed posters hung on other walls. They looked like movie posters but Ben didn't know any of them. 

After a few minutes, Ben got bored and ventured into other parts of the house. The kitchen was uninteresting. Partly because he didn't care about cooking. So he scaled the stairs and tried to look through a few rooms. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Most were locked until he came to one at the end of the hall.

"Oh, hello," Ben hummed as he entered. Lights were hung up at the edges of the ceiling, there were quite a few shelves hung up, more posters, a desk, and a large bed that sat in the middle of the room. 

But what piqued his interest the most was the porn magazine that rested at the edge of the bed, it was open but faced down to keep its place at a certain page. Ben lifted it to take a look and blinked, heat on his face. He didn't think shit like that affected him anymore. Nonetheless, it did. On the page was a girl, with a strap-on, fucking a guy whose face was incredibly blissed out. 

Ben nearly dropped the magazine when the door behind him slammed closed. "Whatcha got there?" Amber glared at him. 

"Found it." The man tried to be as nonchalant as possible but it wasn't working, Amber could tell how he felt. 

But Amber could care less about that. She snatched the magazine from his hands and threw it on her desk. "Look, I have a few rules I'm gonna need you to follow." Ben rolled his eyes but stayed silent. "A kid lives here and I don't need you being a dick or saying something you shouldn't." Amber took a breath. She was way too worked up and she knew it. Might be best she kicked Ben out of her room after this and did something with her frustration. "Don't be saying slurs and shit, at least not when he's around." 

"God," Ben sighed, shaking his head. "Y'all are a bunch of pussies these days, huh?" In the last few days, he could tell the world was a lot more sensitive than back in his day.

Amber's jaw clenched. Her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. She tried to remind herself that she needed to calm down. "I can take your shit but I don't want this kid growing up to be like you." She stared him down. They were the same height and Ben was physically bigger than her but Amber knew she would be able to hold her own against him, nuclear powers or not. 

That cut Ben a little deeper than expected. So he returned the fire like he always did. "So he could grow up to be like you? A tranny who probably didn't get enough pussy so he decided to get one for himself, huh?" 

Amber let out a breath through her nose and decided fuck it. She grabbed Ben's jaw harshly, causing him to claw at her shoulder to try and get her off him. She didn't budge. Not an inch. Amber grabbed one of his arms and twisted it behind his back. Ben winced. He hadn't felt that kind of hurt in a while. "You think you're funny? Watch your fucking mouth." She whispered into his ear, "Or maybe," Amber glanced down. Ben had quite the hard-on. "Maybe you need a lesson." 

"Fuck you." Ben growled, his nostrils flaring as his other hand grabbed at Amber's arm. 

Amber twisted his arm a little more, making him take in a sharp breath. "Say it again. Tranny. I fucking dare you." Her breath was hot against Ben's ear and he couldn't help the strained noise that escaped his lips. Her brain lit up with a twisted desire. The man was all macho on the outside but he liked this. Not being in control, letting her take the reins. 

"You didn't even cut off your cock, huh?" Ben could feel Amber's crotch against his back as he struggled. "I bet any guy in their right mind wouldn't like that," He accentuated the word. Partly because he wanted to see what would happen if he did. "Tranny." 

That was it. Amber let go of his jaw and slammed Ben against the wall. His cheek was pushed up against it as he struggled to break free. "You like it." She pushed her knee between his legs. He swallowed, not wanting to admit it. "Be a good boy and do what I say and you might be able to form a coherent thought tomorrow." 

"Fuck off." Ben spat. The only response he could come up with.

Amber clicked her tongue, "That's no way to talk to a girl." She kicked the back of his knee, causing him to lose balance so she pushed him onto her bed. "You were looking at my porn for a few seconds too long for you to be disgusted by it. You liked it. You want that don't you?" She bent over him, flush against his ass as she whispered into Ben's ear. "You're lucky I come with the attachment." 

Ben glared at her from the side of his eyes. "I'm not a fucking bitch. You can't–" Amber took off her shirt and suddenly he was speechless. Her hands were removed but he stayed there. On the bed. By choice. 

"Can't what?" Amber grabbed the back of Ben's head by his hair and pulled. He let out an involuntary whimper. "You like me being in charge. I think I could do whatever I wanted with you and you'd like it." 

Ben swallowed thickly. Somehow, Amber figured him out in the matter of being with him for just a few hours. He had been at the top for years, in all senses of the word. And, well, Amber was one of the only women to ever retaliate against that. And had the strength to match. His body responded to that in ways his brain told him it shouldn't. 

Amber retracted her hands and looked down at Ben with a dark glint in her eyes. "Tell me you don't want me and I won't. But if you do, you're going to be mine. And that means every single time you do something wrong, you're gonna face consequences." 

Ben's eyes narrowed a bit at the mention of punishment. A part of him wanted to know what they could be. "Fine." He huffed, sitting up on the bed. 

"Then get on your knees." Amber ordered as she unzipped her pants. Underneath was a pair of plain blue underwear. Ben complied without a second thought. He didn't know why. Just her voice—the way she sounded, he had to listen to her. "That's better." She ran a hand through Ben's dark hair before she gripped it tightly. "You said a few choice words earlier. Hurtful stuff. Which means you don't get what you want. Only good boy's do." Amber slipped her underwear off and shoved her cock in his mouth. 

Ben let out a noise of surprise and tried to push off her but Amber's grip on his head was like a vice. No budging. Her dick was long enough that it made Ben gag but he couldn't move his head and so he was forced to adjust to the feeling of her in his mouth. It took a while. Tears started to form at the edges of his eyes and saliva dripped from his mouth. Ben couldn't remember the last time he cried. He couldn't remember if he cried at all. His brain felt fuzzy and he wasn't sure why. It scared him. And excited him all at the same time. Ben's hands naturally sat behind his back after a while. Amber hadn't even told him. 

"That's a good boy." Amber used her free hand to brush a few strands of hair that fell into Ben's face. "If I let go, are you gonna be a really good boy and suck me off?" She loosened her grip on his hair. Just enough to let him nod. 

Ben looked up at her and nodded. There was an eagerness in his eyes that wasn't there before. So Amber completely loosened her grip as he swallowed, causing a soft sigh to escape her lips. Ben had no practice in this area, at all, but there was that gnat in the back of his head that seemed to know what to do. With its guidance, he started to move his head. His gag reflex seemed to disappear since Amber's cock hit the back of his throat multiple times. 

He loved it. 

He didn't know why. In his right mind, Ben might've been disgusted with himself. Scratch that. He certainly would have been disgusted. But he wasn't. 

Ben loved the noises Amber made. Small huffs of air or light pants escaped her lips. He also loved the power she had over him. The way she could have easily shoved him onto her bed and had her way with him didn't go unnoticed. Instead, Amber chose this. Similar. But different where it counted. Ben, begrudgingly, knew he would have liked that too. 

"Almost there…" Amber breathed, twirling a finger around a few strands of Ben's hair. "You want a taste, right?" 

Ben simply hummed in response, a little too focused on getting her off that he didn't fully register the question and what it meant. And then he felt something shoot down his throat. He pulled off Amber, coughing. Nothing came up since he already swallowed it but the surprise was enough.

Amber looked down at him, amused as she pulled her underwear back up. She tilted Ben's head back up at her with a finger under his chin. "Stand up, sweetheart." Ben pursed his lips as he slowly stood on wobbly legs. She guided him into her bed with a hand on his waist. 

Like a switch, Ben drew in a deep breath. "I can't believe I fucking did that…" That headspace. He didn't know he was capable of going there. Especially with someone like Amber. And, strangely, he didn't mean her extra parts. 

Amber let out a small laugh as she got redressed. "You know I own you now." She whispered. She could picture Aang's disappointed face. 

Ben swallowed at her tone. He did. God, he did. "I'm not… easy." He sat up a little in the bed, bending his knee. Ben wet his lips as he looked up at her. She was standing at her full height and he felt… small. 

"I don't expect you to be." Amber said honestly with an eyebrow cocked. She imagined it strained Ben to be even a little open with her about his feelings. "Unfortunately, you're a product of your time. It's the 21st century, though, so you don't get a fucking pass if you wanna act all pissy anymore." 

Ben stared up at her, jaw clenching and unclenching. He looked away, a scoff escaping his lips before he could even think about it. 

The bed shifted with the added weight of Amber. "You want something." She studied his face. As much as Soldier Boy wanted to hide his emotions, they showed on his face. They usually came out as anger but Amber was quick to see past that. "You want comfort." She hummed. 

In her mind, Amber was screaming at herself to stop whatever was gonna happen next. She knew she was better than this. Better than all of it. She should've just kicked him out of her room and punched a wall or something. But another part of her wanted to see what Ben would do. Apparently he was pretty good at following orders when he wanted to. 

"Eat shit." Ben huffed, crossing his arms. His defense was back up already.

Amber pursed her lips. Soldier Boy had been put through a lot. Perhaps she needed to be the bigger person and take his words with grace. Sometimes. She lifted a hand to his face and he flinched before he felt just how soft her touch was. 

Amber studied Soldier Boy. His posture was rigid and, judging by his reaction to her touch, he hadn't had a good experience with supposedly comforting touch. Whether that was because of his previous life or the Russians she didn't know. But she could tell he wanted it. Badly. It was those 1940s gender norms that told him he couldn't accept it. 

"Look at me." Amber said. Begrudgingly, Ben complied. "If this… thing is going to work, you're gonna need to tell me how you're feeling. No pushing shit down." She wasn't playing around and he knew it. 

Ben let out a breath through his nose as he nodded. "I'm feeling…" He paused. "Like I want to kiss you." 

That wasn't exactly what Amber meant but she wouldn't exactly complain. "Okay." She leaned forward to press their lips together. Ben's lips were rough against hers but he was on ice for forty years so that might've contributed to it. 

Ben lifted a hand to cup Amber's cheek out of instinct, bringing her close with a hand on her shoulder. Amber's lips were gentle, soft and slotted against his perfectly. He didn't know he could feel like this. It scared him. Amber had him under some sort of spell that he didn't want to get out of. It felt like every single emotion he blocked for the past hundred years he'd been alive suddenly bubbled over. Ben didn't register the tears rolling down his cheeks until Amber had pulled away and wiped at his cheekbone with her thumb. 

"I'm… yours, huh?" He swallowed, feeling a tightness in his throat for the first time. 

Amber hummed. "Yeah. Mine." She whispered.

"I-I could," Ben paused, glancing away from Avery with a sniffle. It was taking all this willpower not to completely break down. "I could get used to that." 

Out of pity, Amber wrapped her arms around Ben and hugged him. Just like that, he cried into her shoulder. His earlier anger had dissipated into pure sadness. The person he thought he loved sold him out and hated him. He didn't know what hurt worse. The fact that the Countess despised him or what the Russians did to him all those years. The Countess didn't even get paid to do it. She wanted to get rid of him. Forever. And for what? She died in the end. 

"Shhh, it's alright." Amber cooed, rocking him slightly. "You're alright. You're safe here." The complete truth. It was why Butcher trusted her enough. The safest place on Earth for anyone to be was near Amber. And sometimes she forgot that. 

Ben shook with sobs, clutching onto Avery like a lifeline. "Don't… don't leave me." Everyone did eventually. They either died or left him. No one ever stayed. He blamed himself for that. Ever since he took Compound V, his life had been a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Mostly downs. 

Abandonment issues were not on Amber's bingo card. PTSD, for sure. A narcissistic personality disorder, yeah. This? Absolutely not.

"I won't," Amber's mind cursed at herself. She was supposed to house Soldier Boy. Not this. She couldn't help it. She had a knack for thinking she could help people. Apparently, Soldier Boy was no different even if he was a major bitch when they first talked. "I won't." She repeated. 

When Ben's tears stopped flowing, he pressed his face into her neck and sighed. She smelled nice. It lulled him to sleep. Though, his emotional outburst did take a lot of energy out of him too. 

Amber rubbed his back and sighed, opting to lay in bed next to Ben. Hopefully, they'd talk a little more in the morning and he wouldn't revert back to his asshole ways. Though, Amber knew it would take a while for him to get her lessons through his thick head. This was a stepping stone. A small one across a lake of problems. 

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taglist: @aleemendoza2425-blog

taglist open here !!!

[meiko3323]

Maxine (Arlefuri kiddo)

finally decided its time to sit down and finish designing her! you may see this is just a sketch, as ive yet to finalize the colour scheme of her outfit, im still weighing my options. split bw black and lavender/ purple for the dominant colour. the former looks cool, but the latter prob fits her motif better. anyway, for now let me tell you a bit more abt her:

----------

Name: Maxine (prefers Max for short)

Pronouns: she/ her

Vision: (undecided)

Weapon: (undecided)

outfit details (in case its hard to read):

- has an arm band on her right arm, gifted to her by her friend [REDACTED]. it has the (teyvatian) letter M embroidered on it, for her first name

- has a side pouch on her belt w some basic first aid stuff and dog treats

- short fingerless gloves on both hands

- has both elbow and knee guards that are in a water drop shape w an X inside

- has a dagger strapped to the top of her left boot

- forgot to note: the center bit on top of her tie is a romaritime flower, to mirror the one on her head

About Max (childhood):

due to Arlecchino often having to be away on Harbinger/ Fatui missions, Max was raised mainly by Furina. that said, Arle does try her best to be there for her daughter, spending time w her whenever shes free, and often brings Max little souvenirs from her travels.

while Max was a baby, Furina took a sabbatical from her directing work to raise her. she instilled in Max an appreciation of the arts, with her skillful reenactments, and puppet shows of various plays and stories. once Max is a bit older, Furina starts taking up jobs again, leaving her child in Neuvillettes care at the Palais Mermonia, and picking her up at the end of the day. Neuvi doesnt mind, as Max is a well-behaved kid and either brings books w her to read, or draws while shes there. Sedene and the other melusines take a shine to her, making sure Max never has a shortage of snacks and tea throughout the day.

About Martin:

Martin is her loyal canine companion. she found him as a puppy, tangled in some fishing nets. of course she begs her parents to take him in, and they acquiesce on the condition that he is her responsibility now. since then Martin never leaves her side, even accompanying her on Hearth missions

About Max (hobbies): Max really likes nature, and ever since she found Martin stuck in nets carelessly left behind by some fishers, she took to cleaning litter in her free time.

----------

i think thats all ive got for now ^^

im a sucker for animal companions, so ofc i had to give her a dog. he is named Martin after my dads german shepherd he had when i was a baby 🐶

Max's redacted friend that gave her the arm band is a future oc im working on cuz yes, shes gonna have friends, two of them in fact! no spoilers as to which genshin couples theyll be kiddos of, but any of yall that know me will probably have some good guesses 😸

still cant believe i went from thinking id never design an oc, to having a whole 3 now

thank you to my entire hoyofam for inspiring me and cheering me on thru this process, yalls fervent support means the world to me 💕

[liefdesleven]

reading gods worst article on tma (Narrating the (Queer) Gothic in the Podcast The Magnus Archives, Maria Juko) and its so bad that its funny. btw this got published in a book (Rethinking Gothic Transgressions of Gender and Sexuality, edited by sarah faber and kerstin-anja münderlein, 2024) and I can only assume the editors didn't listen to tma themselves because good lord what are these takes. come with me as I read this mess

strong start when it claims the entities seek to torture and destroy humanity. patently untrue. we know they have some sentience, but the focus on humanity does a disservice to gerry explicitly saying "you think people are so special its only our fear that counts?". also "destroy". how are you going to get fear if the entirety of humanity is destroyed. we know what the entities wanted (or at least what the web wanted) it is explicitly stated in mag 200. it says so right there so explicitly that I find it impressive if Juko missed it.

calls the beholding the antagonist? if you want to call Any fear the antagonist id go for the web, but even then, antagonist is not the role id ascribe to a lovecraftian entity

"with the podcast’s final season set in a world dominated by the Eye that Jon et al. ultimately overcome to save the world" / "The world comes to depend on [jonmartins] relationship, with the two of them becoming queer heroes." save the world??? heroes?

4. stupidly funny implications. interesting citation for georgie but that's not important right now. the point is the fight against evil and the reading alleging tma says being queer will get you Heroic Powers. Juko's forgetting about the queer characters that get Evil Powers (all of them. all of the powers are evil. that's the point.) did the archivist utilize ace and bi power when he became the lynchpin of the apocalypse and tortured strangers

5. "As a case in point, inclusivity starts at the level of casting: female police officer Basira Hussain is voiced by Frank Voss, who uses they/them pronouns." very true but idk. frank voss and jonny sims are just pals, ill allow Some implications from this but the author is using it to imply more intentional focus on inclusivity then I think jonny was doing

6. "First, the podcast’s main character, the asexual biromantic Jon, is bestowed with supernatural powers, challenging not just heterosexual but all sexual norms of society." BESTOWED? stop using the word bestowed here oh my God. he is not a superhero!! did Juko listen to the entirety of tma without any moral grayness happening here??? also ?? jons bestowed supernatural powers are in no way related to his asexuality & biromanticism??

7. christ. this isnt a bad tma take but it is reminding me why I wanted to quit my literature analysis bachelor

8. did jon utilize ace and bi power when he betrayed martin. did martin utilize gay power when he stabbed jon. jesus christ what do you mean humanity's salvation. the apocalypse isnt fixed at the end by the power of love.

9. i guess? if you felt like it? tma really isn't a queer narrative in my option but I guess?? you could read it like that. if you wanted to. I'm unsure if you should though because these people are deeply unwell

10. "And particularly in the first seasons, Jon and his colleagues often fail to control the evil entities, losing for example colleague Tim at the end of the second season, which leads to a rift between some of the Institute’s members" yeah because truly they were thriving before that. they were the bestest of friends before tim died. they all held hands and danced in circles

11. unsure how much longer i can take this. this isn't the X-Men

12. "[Jon] could be defined as an asexual biromantic who uses his love for Martin as a form of power to save the world." no he couldn't. next

13. "With this in mind, Jon’s exploration of the Archives becomes a metaphor for accepting his (a)sexuality." HUH. NO IT ISNT? jons asexuality isn't relevant narratively At All. go home.

14. for the love of god can anyone hear me. its so dark in here. were the beholding and jonah magnus asexuality allies when they helped jon become an avatar. the sentence after this calls jon the hero of the narrative again btw. patently untrue

15. "Only by accepting his power can Jon save the world." jon didn't save the world.

Juko discusses melanie & georgie but her takes on them are pretty normal and decent in my opinion. if anyone wants a pdf of this horror let me know & ill send it. I'm so annoyed I'm considering writing an email about this. btw it called jonmartin "enemies to lovers" trope and also said their relationship "starts heteronormative and changes to a more equal footing, whilst retaining heteronormative elements". about the gay couple.

to conclude: I don't know which podcast juko listened to about a heroic narrative about queer love that saves the world, but its not the magnus archives. did you know that the eye is an asexuality ally?

[kaiartx]

ive been thinking about my asexuality and aromanticism a lot lately and how it has affected me throughout my life

this is gonna be a long rant so feel free to skip this but i needed to let it out

when i was a child, before i even considered that i might not be straight or knew about asexuality, i used to daydream of finding a husband that was kind enough to understand my desire to not have sex, and if he didnt, then i always thought id need to have an open relationship otherwise id be alone forever. who wants to be in a marrige without sex, right?

and if my husband didnt understand my feelings? then i even made my mind around having to get assaulted regularly just so others would think i was a normal person

the whole world made me believe that i needed to get married, that my only options were men, and that id need to have sex to keep my man happy. of course not doing that would mean id live a miserable and meaningless life!

this thought process was encouraged by my classmates when they bullied me for not having any crushes, and i wasnt socially accepted until i made up a guy

i of course now know that none of that is true, but many allos love to say that ace people dont suffer at all and i think it's important to speak about this stuff so more people can understand us (of course i know everyones experiences are different yadda yadda this is just mine okay shut up)

now onto my aromanticism. ive felt romantic attraction once in my life, so i guess we can say im demi, but thats not the point here. sometimes id like a partner, and i might have one in the future, but its not something im actively seeking. this has been said many times before, but it makes me sad how when someone gets a romantic partner, many times people stop caring as much about friends or prioritizing them. i get why that is, mind you, and i understand it

but yeah, my point is that i cant make plans of moving out and building a life together with friends because sooner or later, they will end up moving in with their partners, and i will, once again, be alone.

of course i can still hang out with them, but its weird how society expects us to build a life with partners and forget about friends. if my friend is in the hospital i cant go see them because its "family members only"

ive come to a point where im planning my life only thinking about myself because absolutely no one else is thinking about me and i will just end up dissapointed otherwise

anyway this is just me rambling. i know other people dont feel like this or have different experiences. i hope someone can relate tho and see they are not alone

[jerichogender]

[ID: Comic book art of Adeline Kane holding a gun placed over top of a pink and orange watercolor background. There is white text that reads: “Adeline Kane Reading Guide.” End ID]

Head of international spy agency, Searchers Inc.; mother to Joseph Wilson; and sometimes ally to the Titans, this former army combat instructor wears many hats over the course of her comic book appearances. The following reading guide will walk you through major storylines for the woman who shot Deathstroke’s eye out herself, Adeline Kane! Please note that a few issues listed show Addie briefly or only mention her. Nevertheless, they were included to give the full experience of how she was originally introduced and to present her major arcs in context. Without any further introduction, let’s begin!

New Teen Titans Era

. The New Teen Titans (1980) #34

. Tales of the Teen Titans #42-44*, Annual #3, #50-52, #56

. The New Teen Titans (1984) #6, 10, 11, 22

. Teen Titans Spotlight #3-6

. The New Teen Titans (1984) #25, 26, 39

. The New Teen Titans: Games**

Deathstroke Era

. Deathstroke (1991) #1-6, 7, 12, 27-34, 0, 43, 46-48***

. Deathstroke (1991) Annual #4

Titans Era

. The Titans (1999) #1, 9-12

“No…You love the soon-to-be Mrs. Slade Wilson. She’s soft and caring and full of love. Out there, when I’m Captain Adeline Kane, I’m tougher than you’ll ever be. And don’t you forget that.”

- Deathstroke (1991) Annual #4

* Her best arcs and single-issue appearances (in my humble opinion) are written in bold. That being said, please be aware that Marv Wolfman’s writing tends to heavily feature orientalist tropes, especially when it comes to Southeast Asian female characters and storylines involving the Middle East (Tales of the Teen Titans #50-52, Teen Titans Spotlight on Jericho, and the Deathstroke World Tour arc being major examples of this). I firmly believe that we can and should appreciate comics while also engaging with them critically

** Games takes place in a version of New Teen Titans continuity that diverges from mainline canon at the time of Crisis on Infinite Earths. It’s a fantastic read, but Adeline shows up very briefly. I’d put it in bold as a general comic book recommendation (especially if you’re a NTT fan), just not for this guide

*** #0, 43, and 46-48 of Deathstroke (1991) are ones that I definitely would not recommend. This is based primarily on personal opinions about specific characterization choices and retcons. These issues are plot relevant though, especially for the fourth Deathstroke annual, which I have mixed feelings about. Ultimately, I decided to include them so you have the option to read for yourself and form your own opinions

Please note that this guide is not a full chronology. For instance, the Teen Titans (2003) Blackest Night tie-in is not included as IMO it’s not that relevant to Adeline’s own story. A full list of this character’s New Earth appearances can be found here. The one issue from that list I absolutely think you should avoid is Hawkman (1993) #19 because it very thoughtlessly parallels real-life police brutality against Black teenagers. I truly believe it’s a crossover issue that you can skip without missing anything important at all

As for the New 52 and beyond, Addie’s a recurring character in Deathstroke (2016), but little of the character she was before DC rebooted its continuity comes through. I’ll be perfectly honest, I haven’t read any of New 52 Deathstroke, so I can’t offer any recommendations there either way. This guide is strictly Pre-Reboot, but some day I may make a second guide for her Prime Earth appearances depending on how I feel about Deathstroke Inc. once I go read it. For now, I’d say feel free to read Deathstroke Rebirth if you’re looking for so-bad-it’s-good family drama, keeping in mind that the characters are wildly different from their New Earth counterparts in a way that’s become a common occurrence for DC over the past 10 or so years. Here’s a list of all of her Prime Earth appearances for those interested

If you’ve made it to this part of the guide, thank you for reading this far! My goal in putting this together was to present this character’s story on New Earth from beginning to end so that others can enjoy it like I have. I think it’s important to celebrate complex female characters and Adeline Kane definitely fits the bill. Happy reading!

[secondchoice-ragdoll]

Am I the only one who is a little sad that the moment Trixie was single she didn't take a second look at Katya and immediately went to the ex? She could've given her a chance. And I wonder how K really feels now that she wants kids. I know she doesn't want them herself, but I'm afraid this will change things between them and I really really hope they don't.

ugh okay first of all: im totally w u and i a 100% see ur point. these have crossed my mind too, and i can easily get to a place where these topics make me sad for a while. but genuinely i dont think we should worry too much abt any of it. at the end all i want is for them to be happy, no matter how that looks like🤝

on a further note, we cant be like *actually* sure abt any of what is going on? like yes it seems pretty clear, and it might as well be exactly as we think it is, its all spelled out, isnt it? its really just that we were the ones who spelled it out, and not T, or any other person who is practicipating in the situation. all im saying is that i wouldnt advise anyone to bet on whats going on w T rn (if for nothing else then just out of respect), and im sure eventually we will hear either a confirmation or a fully different story that will clear things up.

specualtion is free tho, and also pretty interesting, so as long as we keep it kinda hush-hush i think its okay that we entertain ourselves w these anecdotes. like im totally in, and i do think *the* ex is now truly an ex, like that much id even dare to place a bet on. the rest is just questionmarks😭😭😭 like i could see this new guy being actually something, or just a rebound-fling, or just a friend(?). and its also possible that he is the old ex, and then i do have even more questions, but the bar is under a frog's ass after the last guy, so im appriciative towards anyone who is slightly better than him, and it would appear to be a true challenge to be worse than him💀 sooo idk i do believe yall that that guy on the pics is really old KY guy, im just not sure if they r friends or fwb or dating or a secret fourth option? doesnt matter as long as T is okay and having fun. (also, i do think she could have spent some time being single IF she is in a relationship again, but hey, anything is better than how we were around a year ago, no? and as long as a guy doesnt treat her like shit im happy for her!!!) ((and yes. i am really sad miss K got looked over again if thats the case. even if i dont think we will ever get to live in a world they r actually legit dating. in another universe for sure. but in this one? too many hangups. these creatures cant even fucking talk abt the fact that they'd like to hang out more tgthr. like..... be fr😭 they r stooooopid, and thats okay. its sad, its tragic, but its okay, and they have a really special relationship regardless of whether they ever go that far or dont. there is always hope, and even if they fall out now, maybe they need it to break and actually confront the fact that they want to hang out? like there r so many ways for things to go. soooo many. i could sit here and spin this wheel on for hours with no end, i promise. i do think it could have happened in like 2020-2023? maybe even beginning of 24. but as things stand now... eeeh i think it wouldnt be such a clean cut, but they do tend to do things the more complicated way, at least thats how it seems to me. the thing is that they r such complex ppl and they have so many motives that i could make literal lists about what their excuses might be (such as work, but now that T says it doesnt matter that much maybe it changes, or such as age, or what-ifs, or fear of ruining what they have, or thinking that maybe they have missed their chance, new/old confidence issues, mental health states? ...these two...). on the other hand, do we really think K got looked over? Ts literal god? im not so sure, but only time will be able to tell wtf has been going on.))

i see ur concern, and yeah change is fucking scary, especially if such comforting things change. but u see, this could be exactly one of their hangups too. things keep changing no matter what, all we can do is hope they both r okay and happy and nice parts of each other's lives.

i understand that T keeps speaking abt wantimg kids, and sure, pop off! but like, i reaaaally doubt she would be actually having kids this year? like i feel like its maybe a new thing for her to think of having kids as an actual possibility she considers for her future, thus she speaks abt it openly since its one of the things she is interested in now! but like, having a kid is not this quick of a process, even a pregnancy takes 9 months😭😭 and also im pretty sure that her life isnt at a place where she could pick up a kid tomorrow and just go on and be her best self as a parent and i feel like she must be aware of that? T and K would both be at least okay parents, thats for sure!! but like, considering Ts past year... yeah i dont think it will be such a quick happening. once, in a few years, sure! even in 2, why not! but not tomorrow. she'd do fine as a single parent, she'd do fine w a partner, it will be fine, just really not as soon as some ppl r concerned it might be😭 let her just get that birdie first, i think that could be a logical and nice next step!

finally, i really dont think K would have such a problem w children? (even if she did, dont u think shed make an exception for T? im pretty sure she'd do almost anything for/with T.) like she absolutely adores her nephew as far as i know, so im certain she wouldnt delete T's contact info if/when she had a kid. im pretty sure T wouldnt block Ks number either just bc she became a parent, she also seems to know how nice K is to kids despite not necessarily getting them (see: her gifting a lot of money to her nephew's, like, 4th bday? but i could argue that thats a great gift, just more long term great😭). and what if T gets that kid and eventually calls K for help (more likely for herself and not the kid, but this is besides the point), and then K does help, and then they spend even more time together with this newfound excuse, and they realise how well they function as a family, and then they can finally move in together and be lesbians and be disgustingly in love and live happily ever after??? what then???? anyways, my point is that even if they r in a tiny bit of a divitation i highly doubt it would be due to T wanting a kid. i think its more that they both were afraid during T's break that if they reached out more they would annoy the other one, bc "omg what if she needed a break from me too???" (like. T needed a break from her god. and K needed a break from the person who tethers her to this earth. sure jan. emotionally they do have some challenges, thats certain!). and maybe they need to drift a bit apart to then get back together and be even closer (if that is scientifically even possible). things arent as linear and easy as we would like them to be, and since our perspective is and outside one, im pretty sure that from their pov it seems or at least feels sooooo much more complicated. while i just sit on the floor and go "just date ffs its not that hard!!4!4 look back footage of ur faces while u look at eachother!!! thats all u need!!44!", and we r both right! it is very complicated but it could also be manageable. (what i think might be more painful here is if T has the kid w a partner, bc that seems pretty, uh, *certain*, or unchangable, final? obvi its not ***that*** drastic, but it is a bigger deal. so yeah, but i stand by my op that none of this will happen in the blink of an eye, we'll see as it unfolds ig and hope for smth real nice)

[triviallytrue]

hi triv i was wondering what your favourite browser is / what you think of all the options, im trying to move away from google chrome but i also dont like how firefox looks/feels and it might just be my problem of having Many tabs open at once but while it definitely hogs less memory than chrome i feel like its more like 2/3rds of chromes, i ended up looking up some stuff and got sucked into a world of browsers id never heard of before lmao and i figured as a tech person who has good opinions on tumblr i was curious to hear your thoughts abt web browsers

so the issue with many non-Firefox web browsers is they're still Chromium browsers subject to many of the same issues Chrome is - Vivaldi for ex is Chromium. you can go through and find some that aren't, though - LibreWolf is a Firefox reskin instead, and I think Basilisk its own separate thing entirely.

at the end of the day i just prefer Firefox. i trust them more than anyone else and they have a large enough market share (especially among tech people) that there's a thriving community writing extensions, which i worry about for smaller browsers.

to deal with memory-hog issues, I use an extension called Auto Tab Discard, which unloads tabs once they've been left idle for a while. you can configure it to allowlist certain tabs and keep them loaded forever (or just for the current session) as well.

you probably can't go wrong as long as you choose a browser that isn't chromium and has a decent-sized community, but i do still recommend Firefox as my go to browser

[freetobeeyouandme]

Genuinely though I think an underdiscussed part when it comes to S5 speculations is the fact that the Duffers straight up already told us how Vecna is gonna go down -- in code. We just have to crack it?

Like if the DnD game with Dustin rolling an 11 and Erica a Nat 20 is foreshadowing that Eleven will lose and the second try is gonna kill him, then Erica’s character being who she is must also mean something.

[ID: A screenshot of a transcript of Stranger Things Season 4 Episode 1 “The Hellfire Club”. Erica’s lines are “My name is Lady Applejack. And I’m a chaotic good half-elf rogue, level 14. I will sneak behind any monster you throw my way and stab them in the back with my poison-soaked kukri. And I’ll smile as I watch them die a slow, agonizing death.” /end ID]

This is a wonderful piece of dialogue because Erica matches Eddie’s energy and puts him back in his place by proving her newfound identity as a nerd as she knows what she’s talking about -- but it‘s insanely specific in some instances. Plus the DnD game is foreshadowing, and it‘s not anyone that gets that Nat 20 hit in but Erica specifically, whose character we know more about than tbh anyone else in the party. So it does seem like this has to mean something, right?

I absolutely want to know what y’all think, but also here’s my attempt at codebreaking under the cut:

First, let’s break down the facts. Based on what Erica says at Hellfire this is what we can conjecture happens to Vecna: Lady Applejack, a chaotic good half-elf rogue, lvl. 14 rolls a Nat 20 and stabs him in the back with her poison-soaked kukri.

Lots of information, so let's break it down:

Lady Applejack - Applejack is the name of a character from My Little Pony (MLP), which is in line with Erica's previous interests, but it's interesting because it is the only pony that has been named by name before in ST. Namely during Dustin's MLP Hypothesis in S3, which was supposed to cement that Erica is a nerd like the rest of them. But it also includes a plot summary of an episode of MLP, and well. "Applejack gets turned into a dragon". Which interesting as it is on its own only gets better once you actually look at the full episode in question: Applejack is one of four ponies to get turned into dragons by an evil centaur (Tirek) so they can pull his chariot and allow him to take over the world with his "rainbow of darkness". Furthermore Applejack is technically the fifth pony kidnapped by Tirek because one of the previous ponies is too small and therefore not suitable. The parallels to S4 are self-evident I think, but when you try to map the episode onto the show you get the issue of who is Applejack. The first answer seems to be Max, and it could be her because Vecna attempts to take her, she is saved and then only gets taken in his fifth overall attempt. However with Max alive unlike the other three she may also be the unfit pony and there may yet be a fifth victim -- especially as Applejack in the episode only gets taken once the heroes enter Tirek's castle to free the ponies and steal his rainbow of darkness. Interesting is also, I think, the way they end up defeating him: Rather than sucessfully taking his rainbow (his powers) away from him they take over the rainbow with a rainbow of light. Specifically Megan, the audience insert human character does so (while Firefly, the special other protagonist pony, fails in her attempt to take away the RoD)

Chaotic good - this is the only thing I'm not quite sure about the meaning of. It certainly simply fits the vibe of the character, so maybe it does not have a meaning. But it might also just signal a wildcard option, and also nonconformity: Chaotic alignment means doing what seems to be the best course of action in the moment without following a code of conduct, be that societal or otherwise. Combined with "good" it means doing everything you can to the benefit of others but more on the basis of gut feeling.

half-elf - This one's a bit puzzling as well, mainly because there weren't a lot of elf mentions in ST yet. There's the boys talking about Nancy dressing up as an elf in 1x01, but none of the boys characters have a clearly defined race (in DnD terms). However, "The Hunt for the Thessalhydra", an officially licensed DnD Adventure based on Mike's campaign in S1 does come with character sheets that have races listed. The half-elf is a wizard. (The cleric is an elf and the paladin a human.) Now you can argue that's not canon and that would be fair, but it does seem to maybe point in the direction of Will the Wise, who is a Wizard/Cleric.

rogue - Is a very fun class to choose for Erica because it's anachronistic as hell! AD&D, which they would be playing in the show, didn't have Rogues but instead two equivalent classes who would have been called Assassin or Thief. Rogue only became a dnd term as a class grouping in 2nd edition and then a proper class in 3e. Which may just be an oversight because the Duffers (and the rest of the writers room probably) weren't old enough to be playing AD&D in '86, but if I was making a TV show set in the past I'd look that stuff up (It's 20 mins on a wikipedia page, if I can do it they could have too). Especially because they are careful about other stuff they reference and there ARE equivalent classes. However Rogue made me think of another anochronism in the show: X-Men #269. That's the issue Will wants to have from Dustin in the OG Montauk script, and it wouldn't have come out until 1990. However it is a thematically apt issue, as it features an X-Man getting stranded in The Savage Lands, this primeval rainforest with Dinos and stuff, and having to survive on her own like Will in the UD. It also features her fighting a zombiefied and possessed Ms. Marvel whose lifeforce she's sharing due to previous issues' shennanigans. That X-Man, if you haven't guessed: Rogue. Whose powers are taking others' powers. Which is interesting because S4 implied Vecna can take others' powers and lifeforce, which means these things are transferable and theoretically maybe others can do as he has done. Like Will, perhaps, who is associated with Rogue.

lvl. 14/Nat 20 - This one feels most like a stretch, but a) 14 is what Will rolls at the end of S1, his winning number, and b) is 2x 7, the Byler number. In 5e lvl. 14 Rogues also deal 7d6 sneak damage, so another seven. 7 is also a lucky number generally speaking, and nat 20 is the luckiest you can be in dnd. Nat 20 also means double damage in 5e (idk about Nat 20s in AD&D I have to confess), so we have that idea of 2. Further Nat 20 also more or less means hit no matter what. So all of this may just be a level high enough for Erica to fit into the difficulty of the campaign and the Nat 20 be the clearest roll that she won. But I think at the very least there is something here about the connotations of "natural" 20 and "critical hit". I also wanna say something about luck and the dragon motiv, but that is a whole other post I think.

stabs him in the back - This part is just very Rogue, because that's what dnd rogues do, stereotypically, they come at you from unexpected corners and stab you when you don't expect it. Especially with extra damage weapons like poison. But I want to bring it up on its own already because the motion of stabbing is different than say slashing at someone with a sword. This imo is relevant because of the vampire imagery surrounding Vecna. He is "undead", they talk about "driv[ing] a stake through his heart" and there is a OST Track called "Sleeping Dracula" which refers to Vecna hanging suspended by vines. He also acts vampire like in the way he does seem to survive by killing and taking over others, metaphorically drinking their blood in a way. And the way you kill vampires is by stabbing -- in the OG Dracula their heart specifically (And then you cut their head off to make sure they really stay dead). While sunlight (=fire)? Doesn't hurt Dracula, actually.

poison-soaked - A very Rogue weapon choice, but I like that it's poison instead of like fire or frost or a billion other damage types that exist in DnD. For one it's interesting in the sense that it's most associated with corrupting and taking over, so one could say, going back to MLP, that Tirek's RoD is poisoned by the good RoL. Poisoning is also kinda what is going on with the plants and stuff in S2 through the UD tunnels. Poison is also mostly green in pop culture (or purple), which, y'know, is what you get from mixing yellow and blue. (Also no coincidence that the weird substance in S3 was green and when it got out it was so acidic it ate through metal. That's Poison with a captial P). Green Dragons in dnd also spew poison (at least in 5e).

kukri - last but not least: What a specific ass weapon choice. I love it because it's a nerd thing to do, but it's also curious because there are no kukri stats in dnd. You can use one, but you'll have to reskin another more basic weapon choice, so it's not like this is an extra special weapon. It is the kind of weapon you might come across when reading up on rare and exotic weapons from all over the world, but it's not exactly a common weapon in western pop culture. In fact, afaik the only famous pop cultural kukri is that of Jonathan Harker in Bram Stoker's "Dracula" -- which is one of the two weapons that kill Dracula in the final confrontation at the end of the book. Did I mention the Vampire imagery surrounding Vecna? Well it gets even better because Dracula lets itself be mapped onto ST as well. Will is obviously Jonathan Harker: He gets kidnapped, escapes, has a mental break down, and when he finds out the monsters are real after all he goes vampire hunting with the gang. Jonathan's wife Mina is their chronicler, always associated with writing and she's also kinda the plan lady because when the boys don't involve her in their planning their plans tend to go awry - so that's Mike. Mina's bestie Lucy who gets turned into a vampire and dies is Max, which also fits because Lucy has three suitors who are all besties with each other: Her fiance Arthur, gallant gentleman, has societal sway, and has to watch her die - Lucas; Jack Seward, a psychiatrist, the scientist among the bunch - Dustin; and Quincey Morris, a foreigner with a funny way of speaking sometimes and their fighter - El. I'm not quite sure who would take the role of Seward's mentor and vampire expert Van Helsing, but I could see maybe Steve (or maybe the return of Mr. Clarke) or the older kids collectively. It's two different stories so the match up won't be perfect. But this match up certainly fits with some expectations one might have after ST S4, because it's Jonathan and Quincey, Will and El, who kill Dracula together.

So where do we stand after that? I'm not sure about all the points, as I mentioned, and so the details are a bit hazy. But I think some things we can say for certain are: It's most likely Will and El defeating Vecna together, as we have that idea of double damage from the Nat 20 as well as Jonathan and Quincey working together in Dracula. Will and El are also both associated with magic and wizardry, so they're most likely the half-elf part of Lady Applejack's identity. I think Will's way of defeating him is what the poison soaked kukri refers to, and I think it also goes back to his association with Rogue i.e. he's going to poison Vecna's RoD with his RoL, probably take over the mindflayer and with it Vecna's powers and so metaphorically cut off his head while El stabs him Quincey Morris style. I think that entire siutation is also going to involve someone else getting "turned into a dragon" though, as I doubt Applejack refers to Max. Considering Mike's position as Mina Harker that makes him the most likely (Mina gets attacked and turned by Dracula). However it confuses me that Lady Applejack is the one acting while Applejack is the one getting turned into a dragon -- while invading Tirek's castle. So Applejack kind of becomes Jonathan Harker, which means maybe Will gets taken instead. Maybe he goes to the mindscape to free Max and gets attacked there, leading to him destroying Vecna from the inside out. However in that case I'm not quite sure about the roles of everyone else, especially Mike. But regardless I think those four, Max, Will, Mike, and El are the most important players here and Will taking over the Mindflayer will be the key.

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[randomnameless]

Hiii I'm the one who sent the crest removal ask ages ago. Had to do a double take when I saw it LOL I forgot I vented in your inbox!

I would like to clarify that the giant word vomit I sent was mainly to explain why I had no issue with Crest removal existing as an option for humans since IMO it never truly belonged to them. That said, I don't believe the procedure should be forced on all crest bearing humans.

I mainly see it as an option for 2 scenarios.

1. Someone wants their own crest removed.

Maybe they hate their crest or maybe their crest is killing them. Whatever their reasons, If they want it gone they should have the option to get it removed. Id argue that people should be allowed to make decisions about their own body and health. Like you can be born with something and hate it and get the option to remove it. More power to ya, harms no one. At best itll piss off the people who think you shouldn't get to decide what to do with your body. Personally I can see Marianne, Sylvain, Lysithea wanting it removed.

2. Someone who blatantly abuses their crests/power.

You could argue that it's blood and that's biological and thus it's always unethical to remove it from someone.

Id argue that In Fodlan, humans view crests as more than just special blood they inherited. It's a tool, a commodity, a weapon , a status symbol. it is tangible power. So it should be treated as such.

Is it unethical to forcibly remove a humans crest when they have shown themselves to be corrupt ? To remove power from those who would abuse it ? to remove a weapon from someone who would harm others with it ?

Perhaps it is unethical, But IMO its even more unethical to let those who blatantly abuse such power keep that power when you know you can remove it.

A similar example would be from Avatar the last Airbender. when Aang chose to remove fire lord Ozai's ability to firebend instead of ending his life, thus ending the hundred year war. You can argue that this is unethical, but IMO it's the lesser evil.

If Edelgard couldn't be killed for whatever reason, the double crests should be removed (among other things ofc! Humans don't need crests to be genocidal assholes, but removing a warmongers superpowers means one less thing for the world to worry about.)

Ultimately, It's not about punishing descendants for the crimes of their ancestors, it's about the crimes they are guilty of commiting and preventing them from doing it again.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to respond to my ask! it's fun to hear your thoughts on it. And sorry for word vomitting into your ask box a second time ><

No pbs anon!

it's part my fault for taking so long to reply lol

In 1. That would be good, even if bar the ones who have two crests, I wonder who would like to have their crest removed.

Maybe Sylvain, once everything with Sreng is settled so there's no need to keep a military force on the border? But it depends on their good-will and, sadly, with the history Fodlan has I'm not sure a lot of people would like to have them removed lol

Option 2 though...

Bar the usual "who gets to decide", we're back to the "an eye for an eye" stuff, part of the reasoning why some people had their hands chopped when they were found out guilty of thieving is because they used said hands to steal.

But yeah, as a punition for abusing said power, maybe crests could be removed - sorry for not having understood in your earlier ask the fact you meant crest removal as a punition for someone's own crimes and actions, and not payback for what Momo or Goneril did eons ago!

As you said though, removing crests wouldn't solve everything, Supreme Leader would still try to MAGA without her crest, Miklan doing bandit things did them without a crest, etc etc.

We still face the issue of Nabateans - what if they abuse their power for some reason (or are accused of doing so) - and the "crest removal" process results in their death? We would still have this biological difference between Nabateans, and humans.

Granted, I like situation 1 because in an AU where this possibility exists, maybe some characters would have realised they barked at the wrong tree, like, take Sylvain for instance, crying because women want to marry him due to his crest - crest removed, so women won't try to court him, right?

Well, no, because Sylvain is still the son of one of the most prestigious families in Faerghus, so crest or no crest, he has expectactions to met, and will be seen as a higher "prize" by some people than Garfield the cart driver.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

theres a lot of different ways people have illustrated the greed and evil of billionaires from visual portrayals of how big a billion actually is to comparing their philanthropy and how much money they have to highlighting the sufferings of those theyve exploited, and theyre all great demonstrations in of themselves.

but one i dont see quite as often is comparing the charitable works of every day people to that of billionaires. i think part of it is that a billionaire can donate more money to charity in one click of a finger than i can in my entire life, but i think another part is a combination of not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth while also not wanting to rock the boat.

a great example of that is the fact that you cant criticise mr beast/jimmy donaldson without people pushing it aside with the notion of "hes helping people" or "the guy could cure cancer and youd find something to criticise about it", which are endlessly frustrating and engaging with your criticism in bad faith.

but outside of him, youll see versions of it across the board for any philanthropic rich person. people automatically assume your criticism is coming from a cynical point of view, and often that you dont ever take part in charitable acts yourself.

and it is endlessly frustrating to run into that attitude every damn time like youre a dog running into that same glass door. because there is very valid criticism to be made about it.

because most of the time, these people could use that money to make lasting structural changes. i mean, the UN estimates you could end world hunger with $6billion, but no billionaires attempted to. on a smaller scale, you can build shelters or youth hubs or rehab facilities, or you could invest in ongoing work to help people out of poverty or improve local education or help people get better healthcare. or even just put your money where your mouth is and financially back the people trying to make these structural changes.

but these so-called philanthropists dont because systematic changes arent what they actually want. theyre this rich because of the system.

and their philanthropy is a form of propaganda; they want you to think the system is unchangeable and that your only options for improving your life is working yourself to the bone or for some kindly rich person to take pity on you and just hand you the money you need. the system is fucked, but the rich are good people who just want to help. this isnt some hot take, ro ramdin made a great video about mr beast specifically regarding this sort of thing. müne cat also has a video about it which is basically a 30 minute rant from her stream.

i know why you dont see the comparison of billionaire philanthropy to every day charity that often, and its because you have to preface the entire thing with the explanation that i just had to make, because most people dont want to think further than "give money to charity is good". i think part of that is people not realising everything is political, but thats a discussion for a different post.

originally, i started writing this just to get something out of my head. two days ago, i asked my mom if she still had the trumpet i accidentally stole from school (long short story) because id been thinking about the fact like, i could flog that for £200 and £200s a good bit of money. during the conversation, it came up that one of our neighbours had bought an empty guitar case from a charity shop for a fancy dress party, and all thoughts of flogging it were suddenly gone from my mind.

because it reminded me that i could donate it to a charity shop or find a local musical program aimed towards giving poorer kids a chance to learn how to play an instrument. and like, how could i flog it when i could do just a little bit of good with it.

a similar thing happened with these big marvel pictures i had in my room as a teenager. idk how much money theyd go for but they werent cheap when we bought them. but then my mom found this local charity where you could donate items that theyd then auction off and that money went directly to the local foodbank, and so thats where they went.

and this isnt for me to be like hey how good of a person i am; i do not give a shit about that. its about the fact that this mindset is directly opposed to that of billionaires and to neoliberalism in general.

you cant earn a billion dollars by being a good person, we all know that. but i do think a great illustration of it is to compare those billionaires with the people who run your local food bank or run charity drives or the people who put free period products in public bathrooms or the local deli owner who lets unhoused people eat for free.