#its not my fault ppl choose not to believe me or to not take me seriously

[wolficake]

What's actually super hilarious is I remember my spouses roommates when they lived in another province, one of them was hellllla disrespectful about our relationship all the time and didn't really respect boundaries.

One day she and I were talking and I was talking abt how Levi and I never fight because we communicate our feelings and she kept going "Everyone fights eventually, everyone fights with their partners, you two are going to fight one day"

And let me tell you; Five years together and three years married while spending literally every waking moment together and still telling one another everything; We have never fought.

We have difficult conversations, filled with empathy and understanding.

We handle any disagreements with grace and with healthy, open communication. And, quite frankly, everything we disagree on is pretty small and can be waved off as an Agree To Disagree situation, like on which aesthetics we prefer or what foods we like.

So, Dani, I know you'll never see this, but from the bottom of my heart, heal.

I genuinely believe fighting is the language of people who have not yet learned how to communicate their own feelings, and therefore can not handle when others communicate their feelings.

I don't fight with people. Period.

Either you tell me if I've done something to hurt you so I can fix it, or you can let it fester and blow up.

Either you accept when I've communicated that you hurt me and work through the problem like adults, or you get defensive and leave.

Either way, my peace will never be bothered. It's sad to hurt the people you care about, but I have been through far too much drama and unnecessary fighting that all literally could have been avoided if people set their ego's aside to connect and communicate with their fellow man.

I don't tolerate emotional immaturity. And, quite frankly, I don't care if people think I'M the immature one for dropping people like flies who haven't done the work on themselves to be that person. I'm not a people pleaser, and I don't avoid difficult or emotional or high energy conversations. But the second you try and FIGHT me? Gone. I don't put up with that in people I deem friends and care about. Fights are immature and if you can't talk about your feelings like a grown up, then you simply aren't grown up enough to sit at my table. I wish everyone healing and I'm more than willing to be flexible and work with you through your stuff, but I don't do fights. And there are just too many people in this world who thrive off of fighting. A type of "energy vampire", for absolute sure.

When my spouse or my friends cry because their feelongs are too big, I'm there, reassuring them, holding them, telling them how worthy of love they are.

When I've accidentally hurt a friend, I listen to them, I hear where they are coming from, I validate their feelings, I try doing better.

I understand everyone has their journey, but not everyone's journey is going to be alongside mine, and maybe losing me as a friend is a stepping stone to healing and learning the lessons you need to in life.

I genuinely believe that, for me at least, empathy is an active choice and is a muscle we must tone and use in order to ensure that it is a genuinely effective tool for yourself AND those around you. Do not people please, but rather do good by your fellow man, and the rest will follow.

I'm sorry if this was a bit of a ramble. Levi and I had a very emotional discussion that strengthened our bond and reassured both of us that we are meant for one another. This discussion led me to dream of that conversation I had with Dani years ago. My dream only ended up reassuring me that my path is true and that I am where I am supposed to be.

Granted, I also know that she seemed VERY into my spouse. When Levi and I were actively engaged she would say things to them like "You and I should get our own home together... Oh, and I guess Vii can visit sometimes." And she knew I was intending on IMMIGRATING to Canada when she would say these kinds of things.

And right when I was booking my plane ticket, she said that if I was coming to stay, Levi would have to leave. Even though it was widely known and accepted that I was going to be twmporarily living there while Levi and I looked for places to live on our own.

Luckily, Levi was tired of her disrespect and boundary crossing and moved right then and there. They had been so scared of being homeless because Dani and her friend owned the home.

I'm glad I never had to meet Dani in person.

I'm glad that when I got here, I was greeted by the love of my life in OUR home.

I'm glad that meeting me helped Levi create and uphold tangible boundaries.

And, as I said, I hope she heals.

[freaksstar]

Hi Star!! Just read your enhypen x reader works and I wanted to say that I really love them 💖

If its not too much of a bother, and if you're still taking requests, could you write something about P1Harmony's Keeho confessing to bff reader? Thank you! 😊

ᴛʜᴇ 5 + 1 ᴡᴀʏꜱ ɪ ꜰᴇʟʟ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ.

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pairing: keeho x fem! reader, bff's to lovers

wc: 4.1k

genre: fluff, angst (if you squint)

guests: jay (enha), niki (enha) danielle (nwjns), chaewon (lesserafim),

warnings: mentions of crying, cussing (light), lmk if I missed anything else.

a/n: tysm for requesting nonnie!! it makes me rlly happy when ppl request lol, and it gets me motivated. i'm so sorry for the extreme delay in posting this tho cuz its exam season and everything and im sick so its been a tough week 😥 i hope you like it tho!! I hope how I wrote it is ok tho because i ended up having too much fun with the idea lol but fun fact!! i wrote this while listening to same scent by oneus lmaoo 😭

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i've lost it.

He's absolutely lost it. He's gone insane. That has to be the case, no? Now here's the thing: him and you go wayyy back. Like, you're childhood friends. And so he loves you - platonically. At least, that's what he thought until today. Is it normal that his heart's palpitating like it's going to explode? It must be normal. It's the adrenaline, he swears. Is that how adrenaline works though?...

Maybe not. Maybe he's gaslighting himself. Not that it's his fault. For some reason, today you look stunning, even if you're dressed down as hell. Maybe it's the way your intently listening to the drafted tracks that are for their next comeback, maybe it's the way you're swiftly taking notes as you bop your head along, hell, maybe it's just the fact that aside from his group members, he's never seen someone care so much. Not that he's complaining of course. The fact that you'd embroidered hoodies for their next comeback, for the entire group, gotten them accepted by their stylists so they could wear them in their mv's and performances might be the reason. It was so random too, when you came into their dorm one day, a pile of clothes in your arms as you proudly dropped them on Keeho's bed.

So random. Arguably weird.

But you cared. You cared about them.

And now, suddenly, he's found himself lost in your eyes as he's pitying all the guys you've dated. Pitying them for loosing such a gem. Must suck to suck, he thinks. It's then that he swears he won't loose you. He won't loose you if his life depends on it, even if he has to gaslight himself into believing he doesn't have feelings for you. Because he'd do anything for you to stay.

You're his and his groups biggest supporter, his rock when the leader duties get to him.

If he lost you, he'd be dead.

"Keeho? You good?"

Oh shoot.

2. delusional

"Yoo, guess who's got the goods?" You'd say with a grin, plopping down bags of snacks on the floor without making a noise.

"Girl, you cannot be saying shit like that in my company building. You're gonna get me cancelled! Gonna have controversies of me smoking weed." He'd reply, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice as he turned the swivel chair to face you. "Why're you here?" he questions after watching you pull out a bag of chips and tossing it to him, automatically going to open it. "Bro, can I not visit my best friend... you thought I had other friends to crash with?"

It's a silly question. Of course you have other friends to crash with.

But you choose him.

Goddamn it, he has to stop reading into everything.

"Nah it's just... whatever, forget it. You got the smarties?" Judging from the way his hand goes to the nap of his neck, you can tell something's up. He only tends to do that when he's nervous or stressed, a small detail you've learned about him after years of hanging out. Would you question it though? No, of course not. It's most likely because of the upcoming comeback they have.

And Keeho? Well damn can he figure out that you've caught on. He's not the best liar, or white lie yapper whatsoever, and so he's seen that face of yours - eyebrows unnoticeably furrowed, tongue poking the inside of your cheek - multiple times. He's quick to distract you from the fact that something's up with him.

"Broo, you good? I asked where the smarties were, lemme smoke 'em like we used to back in high school..." He'd drawl lazily, grabbing the polythene bag and rummaging through it for a few seconds, before pulling out a wrapped pack of smarties. You sigh, an endearing smile making it's way to your face as you watch him crush the pellet-shaped candies. "You're such a weirdo..." you'd mutter, your words tinged with a joking tone. "Don't even, you're literally the same," he hits back, a small chuckle escaping your lips.

"Eh, we were made for each other. You're stuck with me for the rest of you life Yoon Kee-ho, whether you like it or not. We're certified weirdo besties after all!" You exclaim, sitting on his dorm room's bed, the cheesiest smile plastered to your face.

"We were made for each other."

He turns away, grabbing a pair of scissors, though the action is only an excuse to hide his blushing face. The way you had him flustered at such innocent words killed him. Damn was he delusional. Those words didn't have anything but a platonic connotation, and here he was, face flushed as he tried to contain the silly school girl-esque smile threatening to appear on his lips.

"Of course, you dork." He mutters softly, quickly regaining his composure before flicking your forehead, to which you recoil away with a laugh.

If only you had the guts to tell him you meant it all romantically.

3. your #1 supporter

The next time he sees you, you're crying. He'd decided to visit you after a long and busy week, since you'd been unable to visit him, and well, he hadn't expected to see you in such a state. He had to make an effort to keep his jaw from dropping as you slowly opened the door to your apartment.

"Kee... you're here." You mumble softly, as he takes in your disheveled state, not having seen you like this since university acceptance exams. "Hey, hey, girl, what's up?" He's quick to turn soft at your appearance, brushing the hair out of your face and embracing you gently, his tote bag abandoned at his feet. The way it hurt to see you like this was unbearable. It was already unbearable when he saw his bandmates, the only people he cherished aside from you and his family, hurt, but from some reason, it hurt ten-fold when it was you crying.

Your arms slowly make their way around his torso, leaning into his embrace, thankful for the warmth. "So much work." is all you'd murmur into the thick fabric of his hoodie, breathing out slowly. He didn't need much more context to understand what had you so stressed.

"Exams?" he whispered softly, only to be met with a nod. He stands there for a few more moments, gently caressing your hair, his heart speeding at the closeness of your bodies. A proximity he once didn't notice nor have any care for. Now, he actively seeked it. God, he was such a simp.

After a few moments of thoughts, and cursing himself in the back of his mind, he asks another question. "You wanna take a cuddle break 'n then work on preparing again? I can spend the night and help you out, yeah?" Another nod. He silently smiles to himself, resisting the urge to kiss your forehead. You pray that he can't hear the way your heart's pounding in your chest right now, praying that the pink dusting your cheeks is unnoticeable.

"I'm so proud of you and the work you put in darling." He says quietly, running his fingers through the locks of your h/c hair. "You're my rock, I hope you know that. So much stronger than me too, if I had to deal with the preparation you're going through for that test, I'd still fail."

His words earn a small giggle from you, and a remark.

"We're ride or die after all, right?"

Sure as hell that's what the both of you were. He'd be dead if you weren't here.

4. 9.27

Why the hell was he jealous? Not like he was in any position to be jealous. So maybe seeing you talking to Jiung, Theo, Intak, Soul, and Jeongseob more than him for the past week was killing him. Maybe the way you'd all shut up and stop laughing the moment he entered the room hurt. Would he attempt to talk to you about it though? Not yet, not until it ate him away so much that he was forced to confront you, before he perished to the thoughts circling his mind.

You were friends with them too.

Now he just wanted you to himself.

He'd slap himself, realizing just how toxic that was. If he did that, he'd loose you for sure. In his opinion though? You looked even better then you currently did laughing at things he said. With a defeated sigh, he'd unlock the door to the band's dorm, kicking his shoes off before looking around the dark room, confused. Where was everyone? He swore they hadn't gave him any heads up about going anywhere. Pulling out his phone, he'd yell, "Guys?"

Before he could process the ripple of quiet murmurs that spread across the room, the lights were on, and there you were, a cake in your hands, the candles on the cake slowly being illuminated as Soul popped out of no where and lit them.

"Happy birthday to you..."

From his peripheral vision, he could see everyone else popping out from their hiding places, Theo with his hands full of gifts, Intak, Jeongseob, and Jiung struggling with unrolling a banner that Keeho could only barely make out the words of. “What?…” He’d mumble, his phone long forgotten as he subconsciously slipped it back into his pocket. Right, his birthday. Man, he’d been so caught up with practice and all of the preparation for the comeback that it'd completely slipped his mind.

"Keeho!" You'd exclaim, suddenly appearing in front of him, Soul to the side twirling a plastic knife in his hand before handing it to Keeho. The others would take their places next to you and Soul, Theo putting the gifts down slowly and Jiung helping Jeongseob put up the banner, while Intak got out a pack of small plates and forks.

"Uh, y/n? Thank you for doing all this but... I..." The way his face flushed as he stumbled over his words was embarrassing, but he really couldn't do much. He was already on the verge of crying, just from seeing all of you guys arrange something like this for him, and even though he wasn't the type to cry, something just snapped. Might've been the stress, might've been the relief, but as he blew the candles out he couldn't stop the warm tears from dripping down his face. Letting out a soft string of curses, his hand would come to his cheek in an attempt to dry the tears quickly, only to be met with your hand doing the job instead.

"Aw man, we didn't mean to make you cry... y/n bro, did we really just spend this entire week trying to hid his birthday plan from him just to make him cry? Swear my plan would've worked better..." Soul would say as he stood off to the side, taking the cake from your hands and cutting it into slices. He'd giggle as you retorted to his comment with something about how a jump scare wouldn't be any better.

Not that Keeho really caught any of the comments the two of you were making at each other, as the gears in his head were turning. Keeho was smart, y'know? It's just that sometimes it took him a good moment to get things, and so when the pieces clicked, he couldn't help but let out a quiet gasp. So that's why you'd been so secretive with the others all this time. When you'd look back at him after your quick discussion with Soul, you'd be met with glaring eyes, though his smile gave away the unseriousness to his appearance. "You... I swear to god, you alway have me trippin' about something..." Keeho would murmur, chuckling to himself as he trapped you in a hug, before breathing a sigh of relief as you returned the gesture.

"Try that again, and I might actually go insane."

"Huh? What're you on about now Kee..."

You'll know why one day.

5. skeleton flower

It'd been a tough week for you. You were busy with work, studying for your upcoming tests, making more embroidered pieces for P1Harmony due to the stylists requesting you to do so. What could they say? They loved your work, and well, you couldn't refuse being the people-pleaser you were. So with all that on your plate, and multiple deadlines, you'd decided to lock in. Locking in... was an interesting experience. When you locked in you tended to be seriously locked in. Like, locked in your apartment complex locked in. You hadn't stepped foot outside in a good 5 days. Now Keeho knew you got like this - so he tended to give you space during your 'im going to ghost everyone and never leave my apartment' phases, only checking in once you hit the 6 day mark of no contact.

You had reached the 6 day mark.

"Shit-" you'd curse under your breath, stabbing your finger for what felt to be the millionth time with the needle. Your ring finger would quickly find its way to your lips as you sucked the blood off, seething at the prick of pain. Sure, it might not be the most sanitary way to approach the issue, but you were on a time crunch, and it got the job done.

That was until it happened again, and this time your eyes would start dripping with water, the salty tears plopping onto the fabric of the hoodie you were currently embroidering. Ah, so you'd reached your breaking point. It was bound to happen at one point. Yes, you were aware that it wasn't healthy to stack stress and try to do everything all at once, but it was a habit that'd carried from your high school years into your university years - and you were yet to break it. That's why you relied on Keeho to keep you rooted.

Just then, as if he'd heard your thoughts, the doorbell would ring. Having no energy to walk to the door yourself, you'd pick you phone up with quivering hands - left abandoned to the side of you, as you hadn't touched it in days - and pulled his contact up, messaging him "you can come in". He knew your apartment's code afterall.

The faint beeping of the code being punched in would ring in the quiet interior of your apartment, and following it, the creak of the door opening. You could hear Keeho's calm steps, a pause, and then a rustling of a bag, as he made his way to your room. Your back was turned to him, as you were sitting at your desk, and you'd hear a faint whisper, before feeling hands on your shoulders, and a bag being put down.

"my skeleton flower... how're you feeling?"

You hadn't heard that nickname since the two of you had crammed for high school finals.

It'd been a while.

It still made your heart race all the same.

"I... I'm not sure, my rain"

A nickname that hadn't left your lips in quite some time.

You wouldn't notice the way he blushed at the statement.

You'd be met with open arms holding you close, as you sank off your chair to meet him on the carpeted floor. "You've been doing great... I think it's time for you to stop self-isolating again though, don't you agree?" he'd murmur against your ear, tracing shapes on your back as you clung to him, your first human interacting in days. You replied to his statement with a faint hum, tightly hugging him back. The two of you would stay like that for a bit, just silent, unspoken words between the two of you.

I love you.

A silent plea that went unheard.

5+1. firework

"Keeho!"

From just the sound of your voice, his head would whip back, meeting your grin. The rooftop firework party in honor of P1harmony's comeback had been planned by you a few days ago, and after a bit of convincing the higher-ups, Keeho and Theo, being the group's oldest, had gotten a thumbs up for your plan. The rooftop itself was being decorated by Soul and Jeongseob, streamers being put up here and there as Jiung set up the couch and chairs - Theo following behind with bottles of soju and snacks, laying them out carefully with a stack of paper cups. Intak would be setting up a folding table, carefully placing a boxed cake down on the plastic table cloth as he got utensils and paper plates out. Jay and Niki were at the barbecue, whatever they were cooking leaving a mouth-watering aroma in the air, the sunset in the background perfecting the mood.

"Heyy! We've been setting up, as you can see." He'd say, greeting you with a quick hug, though he wished he could hold you for longer. Looking around, he asked, "Who'd you bring?" You were allowed to bring two other friends after all. "I brought Chaewon and Danielle! Just gotta make sure Danielle doesn't get her hands on the soju tonight." You'd say with a giggle, brushing the hair out of your face.

Your eyes.

Your voice.

At hearing your sweet laughter, a chuckle of his own would leave his lips. "Mmm, I gotta watch Soul tonight, 'cause I think Jeongseob's responsible enough to not sneak any drinks, and Jay has to watch Niki. Guess we're all on babysitting duty then?" He'd remark, watching you laugh as you set your bag down. Turning to him, you'd murmur with a small smile, "I suppose so."

Your smile.

"Alrighty then, I gotta set up the fireworks. You girls help out somewhere then?"

"Can I help you? Chaewon and Danielle went off to help the others."

"Yeah, it that'd be great" He'd mutter, sheepishly pulling out an instruction manual. "Haven't been able to figure this out all day." You meet his statements with loud laughter, and it'd soon infect him.

Your laughter.

Your kindness.

About two hours later with an evening glow illuminate the rooftop, you'd all be huddled up around a fire pit, eating Jay's cooking and exchanging conversations, every now and then a remark or two causing laughter from everyone. The clinking of glasses, the warmth of the fire, the lighting, the talking, all perfect. The perfect memory. You looked perfect too, as always. Before you realized, Keeho would catch himself staring, remembering the little hand-picked bouquet of flowers he'd made for you sitting in the corner. He had to tonight. He wasn't sure if he could live with himself if he didn't tell you.

So when everyone would be in their positions, and Jay would be getting ready to set off the fireworks, he'd grab the bouquet, which you shouldn't be able to see very well due to the dark of the night, and he'd make his way to your side. You looked so excited. How cute.

"Keeho, Keeho, Keeho, you ready? He's gonna set them off any moment now!" you'd exclaim, clutching his hand. He'd reply back with the same amount of enthusiasm, as he tried to not be distracted by how you were holding his hand. A second later, the two of you would hear Soul scream, before yelling, "Hey guys back up! I lit the fucking fuse- shooot!" As you two giggled, you could hear the faint response from Theo, telling Soul something about not cussing, before the bang of the first firework would go off.

Collective shouts of joy would come from where you were all huddled together, joined by the clinking of glasses and laughter, as you and Keeho would laugh along with everyone else. Shoot, he had to do it now, or he'd forget and never have the guts again.

"N/n, c'mon, I gotta tell you something real quick," He'd say to you, catching Intak's smirk as the two of you walked off a few feet from the others. He'd mutter something under his breath, before grabbing the bouquet off the floor as you made your way over, putting your red solo cup down.

"Yeah, what's up?" You'd question, tilting your head slightly as you studied his face. Something felt off. A second of silence would follow, before Keeho would open his mouth slightly, the hesitancy obvious.

"Y/n."

"Yeah?" You were now giving him a quizzical stare, stepping closer. "Something wrong?"

He'd exhale, steeling himself for rejection.

"I... I love you. A lot. And... if you're unable to return my feelings, that's completely fine, so please don't feel pressured to say yes. Would you... would you be my girlfriend?"

Done. Now he could regret it forever, but at least he got it out. After a few moments, he'd hesitantly meet your eyes, waiting for a response. Maybe he should clarify.

"Once again, I-"

"I love you too."

What?

"You- you what?"

Had he heard that right?

A quiet giggle would leave your lips as your stepped forward, hands taking his as they intertwined.

"Can I kiss you?"

You had him wrapped around your finger. Of course he would let you kiss him. He'd let you do anything.

In return to your query would be a grin, as he slipped his hands out from yours and to your face. He'd hold your face gently as he pressed his lips to yours, the bouquet long forgotten. It's fine, he could give it to you later.

He had what he loved the most now, after all.

You.

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please don't translate, copy, or steal my work!

ty for reading <3

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[forgottenroisin]

OOC | Malconaire Character Arc Notes

idk what this is just...ruminations??? general thoughts??? notes to self?????

roisin malconaire & the power of wonder -- harnessing hope and devotion and belief to enact positive change

so rosie's character theme, as we already know, is wonder, and i've been ruminating a little on her growth arc (i always do this a lil -- this is what the 'crisis' and 'revelations' sections on my characters' pinterest boards always sort of track, sort of nesting into the 3-act plot structure kinda thing ig alksdjfklsjdf [ here's ] rosie's if you're interested) but esp in relation to the ~fall of malconaire~ (the timber! plot if you will...a lil tree humor for ya ig laskdjfkljdsf), which i do think, esp since it now seems it'll come more or less on top of her learning that it was edmund at the battle of m revelation, etc, and yeah i think its just pulling down walls for her, just bludgeoning her w, to borrow a phrase, ~life is not a song~ stuff which i think will feed into her ~crisis segment

but ofc it is in crisis that we either crack, or learn the tools we need to survive and, hopefully, to thrive. in her last crisis (the conquest, the battle of m), rosie really learned to cocoon herself, to push out and away from the bad and focus in entirely on the good -- that is to say, last time, she cracked. last time she depended on her sisters and the ppl around her, dug in, and tried to shut out the bad. now the bad will come for her, ripping her castle in the sky to shreds and depriving her of the option of shutting it out entirely. at first, i think this will cause her to lose faith in her wonder. she'll still see beauty, but i think hope will be a tremulous thing, and love scattered to the four winds w her sisters lost to her. i think it'll be that -- you can't always be strong, but you can always be brave -- sort of thing. she'll have to grapple with. she'll have to wke up everyday and confront the bad and choose either to be trampled or to take another step forward.

her first step will come before she loses her sisters, though, and i think will be done for love of them, and that'll be the witch trials. ive already talked a bit abt what i think she'll do, but rosie is a creature of wonder, right: her power is understanding how ppl feel, how they perceive, and i think she has it in her to weave iconographies, to bend the eye and the ear of others. she already does things like wear heraldic dresses to make statements as a form of rebellion -- she tells stories, she plays pranks, but enthusiasm is also fervor and it's darker side is fanaticism, and that's just what she's watching being played out against her own family at the trials, so yeah as ive said before, i see her weaving that in an effort to try and free them at the cost of herself. tbh idk that it'll work, but yeah!!

i think she'll, as i said [ here ], I can def see rosie confessing and tryna use sort of the above skills/ideas etc to try and hold herself accountable so her sisters can go free and then 'cursing' roderick when it doesn't work (this would be effective in haunting him no lie that dude is already paranoid and now everyy lil thing that goes wrong is the witch's fault!!!! asldkfjskjldf which might cause more problems than it solves but rosie ~can be a lil impetuous and we already knew she had a prank streak as a way of exacting vengeance on her oppressors this one's just an extremely dark vers of the admittedly v lighthearted ones we've seen in the past ndsljfaksldjfkjlsdf not me like 'i accidentally foreshadowed her crisis moment' laskjdfkjdsf imma own i *cough* was planning this from the beginning *cough* ;DDDD) but yeah obv brigit coming forward will kinda trump rosie's efforts since, well, brigit really ~is the real thing alkjdsfkljsdjfk

anyway, after the escape where the sisters are split up etc rosie's def gonna feel hella lost and like everything they ever fought for/believed in is lost and has come to nothing, but ofc malconaire isn't just a place, its a spirit, its a ppl, and rosie just needs to rediscover her wonder so rediscover it <333333 and from there, i feel like she can unleash her showmanship, her understanding of perception, to really leave an impression if she wants to -- there is power in what ppl believe, and power does lie where ppl think it does -- and i think she might find she ideally suited to tap into that, to become a kind of visionary, and to help galvanize others to really believe -- i think that might just be rosie's best self, if she can ever find her way to it!

anyway idk what this was!! have a thing lkjasdkfljkjsdf just more ~malconaire fallout~ thoughts ig alksjdfksljdf <3

[mashiee]

Arlo family lore plspls its beneficial to my health

OKAY SO

so i got another ask specifically about [REDACTED] so im gonna talk abt that in a separate ask

BUT i will tell u abt my ocs for arlos fam (almost exclusively on his dads/valeries side, havent thought abt mom much) and general stuff for them and their relationships w eachother and arlo specifically

OKAY SO

i gave Arlo four older siblings because why the hell not and i can (i will get to the parents later)

also while im thinking abt it, im unsure abt Arlo's last name but im thinking Kingston right now

OKAY ANYWAY

also i just wanna say that when made character names i usually just smash sound together until i find something i like and hope it isnt a slur in another language

so what im saying is none of the names have any relevance or importance i just like their sounds and how they look

the first oc is Mammi (pronounced like ma'am-ee)

hes the oldest of the five of them, as of current uno time hes 25

he/him

amab cismasc

haven't decided sexuality. probably gay bc im gay and i self project too much

anyway he currently works with the authorities and is in a relatively high ranking position

but surprise surprise hes a spy for [ERROR]

(a secret organization :) also has a whole Thing that would require a separate post. a lot of new characters and also some world building. plus it also kind of plays into my bod au/rei fic)

but unfortunately the authorities are all fucking idiots and no one would even think of suspecting him

Valeire is the only one who does (she basically Knows) bc their father (her brother) was against a lot of the things the authorities did

but she has absolutely no proof so she cant do anything :)

fun fact Mammi and the entirety of Arlo's sibling except for Arlo himself all Loathe Valerie

2 of them want her dead

one would actively make an attempt on her life themselves if they ever saw her again

pst psst Mammi is the former

anyway Mammi is Tall (TM)

atm his height is fluctuating between 6'5 and 6'6 bc i cant choose

i just think itd be hysterical if Arlo's entire family on his dad's side were all giants

speaking of that let me take this time to tell you that Arlo is the youngest in his family aside from his mom and Valerie because i thought it'd be really funny

bc Mammi is in the authorities he often wears a suit and let me tell you this man looks fine as hell

not all men can work a suit but this one can

i still havent drawn any of the siblings except for a bit of the next one so my visuals of them are all p vague and could absolutely change but as of now

Mammi has long straight blond hair that roughly reaches his waist

its usually in a low ponytail

he has gold eyes :)

not sure what i want his ability to be yet (obviously a shield variant but what exactly) or how powerful

now for the lovely sister of the family

so the next one is Luss (pronounced how it's spelled)

shes 24 :)

she/her pronouns trans woman

6'4

lesbian

a model who travels quite a lot

long curly hair and gold eyes

always wearing red lipstick

a bit mischievous

her ability is... well its honestly kind of useless on its own

she can make shields that are full orbs but theyre only about the size of a fist

she did find out that they hurt if u throw them at ppl tho, esp if u put stuff in them

not sure what level yet. maybe a flat 6.0 . or maybe even like a 5.9 if i wanna get angsty and make like her family disappointed in her for not being a god tier or smth

very caring about her family

very forgiving person to a fault

strongly believes in second chances

Luss is the closest to Mammi

but she doesn't really feel like she has anyone close to her

(which ends up being a huge bonding point between her and Arlo)

tries her best to keep their family together but it's pretty futile

tries to be optimistic and cheerful and such but it's all an act

would do anything for her family, especially her siblings

sees herself a lot in Arlo for what little she's seen of him

and then we have the twins

as stated above, theyre twins

the older one is Sade, and Kallo is idk like two mins younger or smth

theyre both 21

Sade uses they/them pronouns and is nonbinary

Kallo uses he/they and like. he knows he's masculine but he isnt like a man or male

hes keeping his gender unlabeled but sometimes says its homeboy bc he thinks its funny

tbh im not sure what assigned gender at birth i want either of them to be so im just not gonna choose 🤷

both are 6'4 1/2 or sth

the twins are very separated from the rest of the family they want nothing to do w them

they both dont like Mammi

and hate Valerie

Sade wants her dead and if Kallo ever saw her again he'd lunge

they tolerate Luss and don't dislike her but it's not their favorite to be around her

they don't have any feelings towards Arlo

Sade is a fashion designer and occasionally works with Luss, occasionally

Kallo is a mechanic

originally i had him as a surfer dude but i decided not to

the twins live a long long way away from Wellston and the rest of the family and have no intention of ever going back

theyre both closest to eachother obviously

they both have a lot of trust issues (all of them do) and only really trust eachother

again not sure about abilities

might want Kallo to have some variation of his mom's rather than their dads tho, or maybe a combo of both

i think ill keep Sade w a shield variant

also dk abt sexuality 🤷

i feel like at least one of them would be aro or ace tho. maybe like one is aro and the other is ace lol

ok so now that im done w the siblings

mr dad man's name is Vickaius. hes Valerie's brother. not sure if i want him to be older or younger.

he has long yellow hair (usually up in a pony tail) and gold eyes

yes im terrible and am making him an attractive dilf you cant stop me i have no self control

if it makes u feel any better i'll probably make the mom a milf too

anyway

i kinda wanna give him a scar or two and/or an eyepatch

def a god tier. some type of shield ability. i think i want him to be like a 7.1

he/him or he/she not sure what i want

tbh probably bisexual but thinks he's straight for whatever reason

6'5-7 or smth

fun fact he's currently in jail :)

the moms name is Ariella and she has curly hair and blue eyes. im not sure if i want her to have blonde or brown hair

i dont have much to say abt her tbh. not bc i dont care abt her but like. in my arlo fam plot while she is relevant and important she isnt like. you dont need to know about her. if that makes sense

i do know that i want her to be exactly a whole foot shorter than Vickaius bc i think its hilarious

context for post: arlo hcs

other related stuff: [REDACTED]

[nurcan-24]

Ok so after the ending of coi, everyone was talking about how cordelia and matthew were going to be together, or at least have a romantic scene. And i knew that this wasnt going to be true and had an entire theory with proof ready but never posted it. So here it is,

When we first heard about the last hours series, Cassie had told us that the love triangle in this series wasnt going to be the normal 2 guys one girl trope, but rather one guy and two girls. Which is James with Grace and Cordelia. Which told us that this is going to be the main love story the book focuses on.

Now, at the end of coi, and the spoilers we got for cot, i knew that many ppl thought that there was gonna be a love triangle with james cordelia and matthew, which falls into the cliche love triangle trope of 2 guys one girl. BUT Cassie told us that it wasnt going to be like that. So knowing this EVERYONE shouldve known that cordelia and matthew are NOT going to be canon.

Cassandra told us herself that it wasnt going to be the one girl two guy love triangle. After the end of coi, we knew that the love triangle was over and that cot was going to focus on building james and cordelia's relationship.

For those who thought matthew and cordelia were going to be together, shame on you. We are talking about the ENTIRE FUTURE of the Harondale bloodline if cordelia chooses matthew over james.

Now that i have gotten that out of the way, im going to rant about some things that happen in cot, so for those who dont have their copy yet and havent read it, thanks for reading my post, love y'all.

Now for my rant,

In EVERY SINGLE SITUATION where james and cordelia are together, james tries SO HARD to make her believe he loves her. And what does she do when they have a moment ? LEAVES HIM. LIKE GIRL HE IS HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH YOU. AND YOURE LEAVING HIM AFTER IT ? NOT EVEN A SMOOCH ? Ok ik he broke her heart but hear me out, HE REVEALS WHATS INSIDE THE NECKLACE (which im not saying what it is, those who know, know) AND YOU JUST LEAVE TO FIND MATTHEW ? GIRL, can you please just think over this ? Ik matthew is in a hard place rn but if u continue to do things that make him thing you love him then he AINT GONNA LEAVE YOU WITH YOUR MAN JAMES, WHO PROBABLY CARES MORE FOR YOU THAN MATTHEW.

Also this is NOT hate towards matthew, he is one of my favorite characters, i just hate that this is what is happening in the story and he just falls as a victim of fault. I love u matthew, hope you are happy, wherever your little heart takes you.

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY WHY MATTHEW HURTS HIMSELF SO MUCH. LIKE BRO, YOU KEEP GOING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE LOVERS, YOU KNOW CORDELIA HAS HAD IT FOR JAMES SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN KIDS. OK IK THAT JAMES MIGHT LOOK LIKE HE LIKES GRACE BUT NO. HARONDALES LOVE BUT ONCE AND THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO JAMES. HE JUST HAS A STUPIT BRACELET THAT TELLS HIM OTHERWISE.

Also, on the topic of the gracelet, HOW THE HELL DID ANNAS NECKLACE NOT FIND THE DEMON ENERGY COMING FROM THE GRACELET LIKE WHAT ? Ok maybe its just rlly good demon enchantments but like bro, not even a tiny blink at the gracelet? ALSO NO ONE SAID ANYTHING TO JAMES WHEN HE SUDDENLY WAS WEARING THAT BRACELET WHICH OMINOUSLY SAYS " Loyalty binds me" ON IT. LIKE THAT IS SO CREEPY, AND NO ONE THOUGHT TWICE ABOUT A 12 YEAR OLD KID WEARING IT ???????

Sorry for all my ranting, and thank you for reading it. I welcome any comments and disagreements to my theories and opinions about the various subjects i have covered.

Thank you and happy reading.

[fxirybun]

fr although some readings have changed my mind on how i used to view some idols especially the ones that are like up at the top of the popularity contest that kpop really is about. cause when has kpop ever been truly about simply enjoying the music and talent of idols? nahhh it benefits of the emotions that ppl display from their unhealthy attachments to such groups thus fanwars online benefit both sides of the fandoms greatly and other useless shit as well that all seems to stem from how people kinda choose to react to idols

sure in the west there is also parasocial relationships hence how we get sucked into it from the start but i do think western music is more so abt connecting with their songs / lyrics, there is a few more i would say iconic song styles that kpop cant copy even jpop has been around much longer than kpop itself and kpop is more so about outward imagery / aegyo / forced interactions between groupmates, kpop seems like a bit weak tbh? they cannput x amount of foreigners but is it really kpop then?

the idols are barely paid until they debut its basically free labour on the off chance they may or may not debut but in the west they do spend more time actually teaching nesescary skills for an artist or group to perform at a certain level consistently whereas kpops like imbalanced and off piste so to speak. not saying jpop aint got its evil ways most of the music scene is corrupt these days :( or always have been and only recently are ppl being made aware of it

but if im being honest i dont know if im always the first to believe every piece of news or crime to do with music like it has me thinking sure there are criminals in kpop sleazy gits who want to lure kids in to do music and wreck their every sense of wellbeing, sabotage comes to mind and it just seems every other prolific celeb or idol nowadays seems to either be genuinely criminal and evil orrr sabotaged depending how much u want to believe

yeah i did notice how the parasocial relationships between the west vs east are significantly different from one another. imo it's the artists and their management's fault for enabling their fans to engage in this unhealthy interaction they created. they're aware of what they're doing (most of them are adults) yet they simply brushed it off and pretend like it's normal.

if my memory serves me right kpop would take heavy inspiration from other country's song genres. an example of it would be tyla's music being a huge hit and how other kpop groups would try to mimic it due to how popular the song was. kpop in general did a good marketing strategy in trying to gather popularity by doing those interactions you mentioned.

not just barely paid too 'cause i heard that the idols who aren't mainstreamed , didn't debut , or such have a huge debt from the company they are under 😕 i'm not that familiar with how the west , jpop, and kpop industry works so i have no words for this section.

hence it's best to set our limits and try not to get too attached to them. we will never know who they are behind the image they created and besides , your life is more worth the investment than someone else's <3

[mindbogggled]

i h8 menKIND

i can’t believe i have to cover up js because u ppl can’t keep it in ur pants. and its my fault because “i’m asking for it”. why don’t u start developing some self-control & stop objectifying US. it’s not MY fault that you CHOOSE to look at me in that way. i’m not licking my lips or thinking about eating you out when i see you half naked having ur daily jog, am i? then why can’t u stop STARING at girls who are just expressing themselves through what they wear. “oh it’s just their hormones” so we’re blaming it on hormones now? so these MEN can just get away with being angry & violent while I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND TAKE IT SILENTLY BECAUSE IF NOT THEN IT MEANS IM BEING DISOBEDIENT? fragile masculinity at its finest FUCK YOU & fuck the rest of u who are defending these idiots who are getting away with it. YOU are part of the problem. nobody should be considerate in a situation where they are not considered.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure  triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[astral--horrorshow]

hi!! can i get a romantic studio ghibli matchup (like, out of all the movies u write for !!) anyway, i’m a 5’0 trans gay enby who uses they/he pronouns. i have long-ish black/red split dye hair, i’m very pale, and i have blue eyes. i’m also kinda chubby and i look very very tired almost always. i mostly dress causal & in pajamas, but when i feel like it, i just dress in an all black emo sorta outift? idk LOL

if this helps i’m an ISFP 4w5, gemini/cancer cusp. i’m a very very quiet and reserved person in public, especially around those my own age. i choose to not talk and i often just nod my head or shrug. i really only respond when need be! however, when you get to know me, i am absolutely chaotic. i love to make people laugh and will do anything to achieve that! i’m very physical and i love picking people up and play fighting with them (i love arm wrestling and thumb war LOL). i have a temper that’s hard to control in private, and i do get a little physical- but i don’t hurt anyone. i just throw around stuffed animals or pillows. in public i am more self-aware and it’s only visible through my movements, tone, and expressions that i’m angry. but i also feel guilty and very sad and i cannot be angry at someone for too long and i end up coming back to apologize (but sometimes i’m petty so if its their fault and what they did really hurt i won’t). enough about that though, abt my friends. i always try to fix their problems and give them advice and i sort out their issues and whatnot for them. im always there to listen and id consider myself a good listener, even tho sometimes i can lose hope and give up. i am mostly pessimistic and think things will go wrong abt get really nervous, but sometimes im very optimistic and cheer people on, esp my friends. i overthink a lot, bad or good things, which usually ends up in me spaced out, and i have a hard time pulling myself back into reality. i get embarrassed very easily. i stand up for what i believe in no matter what and i speak my mind for the most part. i have strong beliefs and opinions, im very skeptical of others at first, and i take a while to warm up to new people. but sometimes my anxiety overwhelms me too much. i also get scared very very easily. i also have BPD if that matters

i love love LOVE bugs, cats, knives, plushies, and rubber ducks. I collect the last three things !! they are my favorites in the world and i love going outside and collecting little bugs and ive always wanted a pet spider. i also adore dark/horror media things, and i love halloween. i love being scared and going into horror rides & ghost tours, theyre my fav ! cats r my fav animal and i want 50 of them when i get older. plushies comfort me a lot so do rubber ducks, so ig thats a bit childish, but thats okay :). i collect knives bc i think theyre cool and i like to show them off like theyre my babies (they are). i also love rollercoasters and theme parks, i luv adrenaline. i constantly have to tell ppl they wont die, even tho sometimes im scared myself. i love weezer, foo fighters, childish gambino, korn, and ghost. music is a very very big part of my personality LOL.

im not a big fan of pda but in private i LOVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !! i love kisses and hugs and i will die without them. gift giving is my least fav method of affection, i feel too bad lol. i dont like being ignored and i get a lil jealous sometimes, so i need reassurance a lot. i prefer masculine people and someone who'd be patient w/ me.

thanks!!

Okokok-

Before i finished i know who it was-

Howl from Howls Moving Castle!

I just think you two would get along great! Also, ty so much for paying attention to my less popular fandoms! Its a very nice change of pace. Howl is one of my favorite movies and the book is one of my faves too, so im glad i got to think ab studio ghibli today!

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[ajdrawshq]

For the niche ask game: Terra, Repliku, and Namine

FUCK YEAH THANK U OK

I'm gonna skip the smell question bc I literally do not know what to say abt that for anyone

Terra my beloved

• Song that reminds me of them: the only song I've ever associated with him is.. apparently Apocalypse by Sleeperstar according to my spotify playlist for him

• An otp: tbh,, I dont actually ship Terra with anyone

• A notp: anything w the minors and also,,, lowkey Terraqua,,, just bc I dont see them like that but since there's So Much of it its just. Yknow. I'm v sorry Terraqua enjoyers u do u

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: I enjoy his relationships w Aqua and Ven so much....... AND WITH RIKU their interactions are so good

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: HES NOT THAT DUMB. PLEASE I know its just a fandom joke but I could go on and on abt how the way he was raised and how the total lack of proper guidance fucked him over so so bad but also there was no fucking way for Terra to figure out the stuff happening behind the scenes. Not once does he actually assist the villains without rightfully believing hes doing the right thing, the closest exception I can think of being when he helps Hook bc yeah that dude is pretty shady but he was asked to protect the chest, and only attacked in defense of it - something that is a defining trait of Terra, and his whole job is to protect the light which is vague as fuck so can u really blame him for thinking some of it was in a chest for some reason, plus Peter Pan is kind of a bitch so u can't really fault him for that fight anyway. And don't talk to me abt the sleeping beauty incident bc that wasn't his fault (although I admit its kind of funny that he just,, left) AND the entire Xehanort arc. Dont even get me started if Eraqus just let Terra know that Xehanort is up to shit instead of telling Aqua to spy on him and TELLING TERRA TO FIND XEHANORT WITHOUT ANY CONTEXT WHATSOEVER ALLOWING XEHANORT TO MANIPULATE HIM WITHOUT ANY TRUE HINTS ABOUT HIS MOTIVES we could've avoided like at least half the shit that went down in this game I swear I would've killed this old man with my bare hands. Anyway what was the question

• The position they sleep in: he takes up like 3/4s of any bed without trying i just know it.. and he seems like he'd be very warm. Sleeping next to him is absolute hell in the summer

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does kingdom hearts itself count as a crossover considering all the d*sney and ff characters.. I just wanna see more Terra

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: how DARE u make me choose between his glorious flowy pants that I desperately want for myself and one of the best armor sets in all of kh.. but I'm going with his keyblade armor purely bc of that one shot thats just like. Terrass. Yknow the one

Repliku

• Song that reminds me of them: oh god I feel so strongly about this. I have a whole (very self indulgent and incomprehensible) playlist for them but I'm gonna say specifically Last Of Me by CircusP

• An otp: ok I wanna say Replinami. But. I've grown so attached to the idea of Repliku n Roxas being together its ridiculous

• A notp: w any adults obviously, and Riku and Replitwo. They're Siblings

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note I'm very very soft for their sibling relationships w those two. Whenever I think abt the kh3 Riku n Repli scenes I cry. Also love the idea of them being friends w Xion and Vanitas. And Sora..

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: are there,,, really any popular headcanons abt Repliku? I can barely find any for them to begin with lmao but I CAN say they're not cishet. Bi transfem Repliku my beloved

• The position they sleep in: considering how their life has been plus how touch starved they are, they usually curl up into a ball and/or hold something close to them

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does my idea of showing them Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back as a form of therapy and/or enlightenment count. Ok but i actually wanna see them interact with Mewtwo for better or worse i think it'd be fun

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: I've talked enough abt the darksuit for this one to be obvious I think

Naminé

• Song that reminds me of them: ooooh this is a hard one...... I'm gonna say Worlds Apart by Seven Lions

• An otp: Namixi and Replinami are both very very good

• A notp: any adults, n im not rly a fan of her being w any of the destiny trio or Roxas

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note again i Do enjoy her general relationships with the above four.. and I like her dynamic with Axel/Lea tbh. And the idea of her and Terra being friends is vv neat. And I think she'd have a funky friendship w Vani. She has so many friends!! good for her, good for her

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: I cant think of anything in particular I disagree with I just think she should be allowed to kill people (read: Ansem TW)

• The position they sleep in: similar to Repliku, but she prefers being surrounded by something (whether it be pillows, weighted blanket, etc)

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: I think Naminé, Lunafreya from ffxv and Lillie from pkmn should meet.. they're sisters now

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: theres uh. Not a lot of options here (but all the fan made outfits ppl make for her are so epic and cool i love em)

[wreckofawriter]

I just hit 3.2k followers and I am baffled. This is crazy, I cannot thank you all enough for supporting my work.

As a celebration I am doing a writer challenge thingy! Bellow I have a list of prompts for my fellow writers to choose from if you want to participate.

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~Rules~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

Take up to two prompts from which ever categories you want. They are first come first serve I will cross them out when two people have taken it

Send me a message or ask of the prompt(s) you are using and the character (can be any fandom and doesn't have to be reader insert)

Reblog this post (plz i don't want this to flop)

Tag me in your finalized fic

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~Angst~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

1. "Its not that complicated. He's just a terrible person."

2. "I hold grudges cuz they're all I have left."

3. "Can't you see I'm in love with you?"

4. "Its pathetic, I can't believe I still care."

5. "How can you love them? After everything they've done?"

6. "Go on then! Leave! I don't need you anyway."

7. "I know you did your best, but it's just not enough."

8. "Just sit around and cry then. I don't have that luxury."

9. "Even if I could stop, I wouldn't."

10. "Don't act like this isn't you're fault. You're the one who broke us."

11. "I don't do second chances."

12. "I hope they haunt you, the things you've done."

13. "You don't even deserve to look at them."

14. "I miss the time when I thought you were a good person."

15. "They're better for you anyway."

16. "You were supposed to be the good one."

17. "I don't even recognize you anymore."

18. "You can't just pretend everything is okay."

19. "You still think that you can fix me?"

20. "I can't believe I actually thought you were different."

21. "I just can't do this anymore."

22. "Let me leave."

23. You can stop pretending you love me."

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~Fluff~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

1. "I swear that was the cutest thing I've ever seen."

2. "I love you." "You mean like a friend?"

3. You weren't supposed to see me."

4. "Sometimes I wonder why I like you."

5. "I'm not even sorry."

6. "Your cuter with your mouth shut."

7. "You're blushing quite a bit for someone who doesn't like me."

8. "You are hotter than I thought you'd be."

9. "That looks really good on you."

10. "I got this for you, you know to make up for last night."

11. "You don't always have to be strong. Let me carry some of that weight."

12. "Thank you." "For what?" "Not leaving."

13. One date, just the one, I swear you won't regret it."

14. "Can I draw you?"

15. "God you make it hard to hate you."

16. "Wait... so you aren't dating him?

17. "Do you trust me?"

18. "I'm on you're side. I always will be"

19. "I think you're my soulmate."

20. "You left this. I just wanted to return it."

21. You do know not everyone wants to fuck you right?"

22. "You're special."

23. "You know what, I actually am taking this pretty personally."

24. "I bet you say that to all the guys/girls."

25. "Do you like annyoning me or is it something you just can't help."

26. "I will always come back. Always."

27. "You make it easy to love."

One final thing: I'm opening requests as a thank you for 3k <3

Tagging some ppl:

@approved-by-dentists @coffee--writes @im-a-writer-right @with1love1anu @omgrachwrites @sweeter-than-strawberries @angelinathebook @marauderswhisperer @dudders @teheharrypotter

[raveneira]

I think ppl got the wrong idea on what this blog is based on the anons I’ve been receiving so let me clarify some things.

I dont waste all my time talking about what I dislike, this is my SIDE blog not my main one. My MAIN blog is focused primarily on what I like, the whole reason I made this blog on the side was for me to vent about things I dislike that I dont want clogging up my main blog which is for things I enjoy.

So coming into my inbox telling me to ‘focus on my own ship’ and ‘stop talking about others’ is beyond stupid and shows you didnt read the description of what this blog IS, my place to VENT.

So sorry if you cant understand that but its not my fault yall dont read the description to realize what this blog is, of course its only me venting about the things I dislike and whats on my mind, thats what this blogs FOR, me to VENT. My MAIN blog is for mostly positivity and things I like, the whole point was to keep the negativity separate from the positivity.

I also post full length analysis that I wont post on main since well, they tend to be very long and I doubt any of my followers wanna read all that lol so this way if ppl follow its cuz they dont mind my long rants, analysis, reviews etc.

So to all the antis who somehow find this page, if your wondering why I keep talking about your ships or faves or whatever that I clearly despise, its because thats what this blog is FOR, its for me to VENT, and my main blog is for everything else that I actually like and enjoy.

If you truly believe I have nothing better to do than just talk about the things I hate nonstop then you got me fked up, yall not that important.

Now I said it before and I’ll say it again, if you dont like what I have to say on MY blog then block me, mute the kawasara tag, I have so many tags blacklisted of shit I dislike on here and I never see it so how about yall do the same? I cant help that my posts still somehow ended up in yall tag, but one thing I can say is its still your own fault for seeing it since my posts were properly all tagged as anti, which anti-borusara and anti-kawasumi for example and all its variations yall SHOULD have had filtered and blacklisted, then even if it showed up in yall tag you wouldnt have had to see it, so the fact that you still saw it means 1 of two things.

1 you didnt have the anti tags blocked despite knowing that was content you didnt wanna see

2 you DID have the tags blocked but chose to look at the posts anyway

In both instances thats a you problem not mine, all my posts were properly tagged, its your own fault if you didnt take the precautions like I and many others have with the tools we’ve been given to not see posts about things we dislike.

The fact that I go out of my way to add a warning at the beginning of every post now warning that its gonna be anti xyz shows Im not purposefully looking for trouble or trying to be toxic and cross tag etc. So if you choose to still come at me despite my efforts NOT to be rude and stay in my lane then Im beyond well within my right to clap back and clap back hard because you should’ve avoided me and the things you clearly despise, so if you still see it despite all the options available to you for you to avoid it you have nobody to blame but yourselves.

[silver-wield]

Hi this is not Cloti related but do you have an analysis on Cloud's relationship with Jessie? Particularly during chapter 4 after the bike mini-game? Cloud looks worried

Sorry this took a while, Nonny, I get a bit done in from life lol

So Cloud and Jessie, the girl who absolutely has no issue throwing herself at our boi. It's pretty good for him because at least he gets used to girls being all over him and helps him make his mind up just who he wants to show attention to #cough# Tifa #cough#

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be smol.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Recap time!

Chapter four and our reluctant hero has been roped into help the avalanche trio go topside. Problem is they missed the last train and have to take their bikes instead. Cue a few problems with security and a meeting with the master of extra, Roche. Once that's out of the way, Jessie rewards Cloud depending on your expertise.

This scene has 3 optional endings.

Quick aside, I find it hilarious that Cloud literally tells Jessie to shut up and get off the bike when she starts annoying him during the minigame.

Ok, ending one. The bad ending where Jessie's beyond disappointed with you. These are hard to pick apart because a lot of Cloud's attention is on the road, so the usual microexpressions are even harder to catch.

But look what I caught anyway! Check that brow quirking like “excuse you?” and it's accurate because he says he's a great driver in the next moment. I really love going over these scenes and spotting all these because they build such a clearer picture of Cloud is as a person. And clearly boi doesn't like his driving ability being questioned, especially seeing how Jessie didn't do squat to help him, aside from being annoying lol

Well, Cloud does seem a bit worried here if the frown is anything to go by. I'm guessing it's because this is the bad ending and as much as he's not into Jessie, he doesn't like people having a bad impression of him. He doesn't like the idea that he's not thought of as the big badass capable merc in all ways, so this could well be hints of that self-doubt coming through. 

Although, after watching the other two endings, this is the only time we see this typical cycle of expressions he does before concluding something. This is what I like to call a real!Cloud inner debate. Cloud often goes through a lot of quick expressions or his eyes dart around. Since they can’t do that here, we get the former. Judging from the frown at the end, he’s not impressed with his own performance and likely berating himself for not being good enough. Again. Someone call a therapist for Cloud, plz.

And moving onto the second ending, which you get if you did ok on the minigame. These are making me wonder which one's canon. I don't think it's the kiss and actually, it may well be the bad one since that's where we get the most facial expression and close ups from Cloud compared to the others where we see the back of his head or a mid range view.

For this scene we only get one close up of Cloud's face and it's pretty much SOLDIER!Cloud and then the next time he speaks you can't even see his face. This is the kind of thing that hints to me which optional scene is the one we're supposed to be getting for Cloud's narrative story (and that I actually forgot about for my playthrough as Cloud lol I got the middle one because I kinda suck at fighting Roche, but I try).

Yeah, so a lot of sighing from Cloud at Jessie, the annoyed kind. I mean, we know she kinda irritates him, but he likes her too, just not in a romantic way. You also don't see his reaction to her “I might be falling after all” line and only hear him say “hmm?” Then when his face is next in frame it's full on SOLDIER, so there's really nothing to pick apart.

And now the good ending where you get a kiss from Jessie! Ooh lala!!

CLOUD'S FACE HERE! OMG I'M DYING! He's such a boi in a man sometimes! Adorable af! Definitely never even had a kiss on the cheek before in his life and look at the ott reaction to it!

WAIT! Wait! I've seen that face before somewhere!

YES OMG I'M DYING! It's the same reaction as the one to Aerith's best dress! OMG!

I'm sorry, I genuinely need a minute....

Ok, so...looool ok....I can be sensible here....maybe loool erm, the unrealistic expression on Cloud's face shows that it's unlikely this is the outcome that happened. But, on the other hand if the red dress happened then so did this kiss, so choose your poison lol

omg I love the devs for this! I really do! This is hilarious! I can’t even look at these two pics without laughing!

Ok, sensible. Kinda. 

And last one where Cloud looks grim af as usual, but with a hint of “what do I do about this?” because Jessie kissed him and he's not interested and he has no clue what to do with women and likely wants to reject her, but still doesn't know what to do with women, so you can see the dilemma he's in lol

It doesn't help when Jessie tries calling him out on it and he has this tiny frown in response. His attention is split between trying to talk to her and driving, so it's no wonder he's not that talkative and abrupt. If I wanted to speculate I'd say if he actually had an interest in her as more than friends he'd have tried harder. He had his little chat with Marle already, so he's not opposed to putting himself out if he wants to. He doesn't here, but he's still trying to concentrate, so that could explain the lack of attention, but still, Jessie kissed him and he got scowly.

Conclusion.

Well, I for one didn't remember there were 3 of these endings – each with their own remix of Jessie's theme, just like another 3 optional scenes with a remixed theme lol the parallels are killing me!

The music for each should also hint at which one is the narrative canon – I'm useless with music analysis so bear with me. The first one does sound like it fits with the other girls' themes, so very simple, easy to listen to in the background and memorable in its way. The second is louder and has more techno notes in, making it seem less like a background piece and more in your face. The last one has vocalists and is a full on pop song! No way is that right lol

For two of the three of these we don't really get much in the way of Cloud's face. It could be put down to him driving, but we get a couple of very good close ups on the bad one with varied expressions, one of which definitely goes towards his personal motivation to be thought of as a hero. Having people point out his faults would cause that kind of reaction.

The second result really doesn't have much in the way of facial expression and Cloud's voice is brisk because he's driving, so I can't really say much about it one way or the other. It’s the one I get the most when I’m playing and it’s kinda blah. Like your standard minigame pass screen. That probably didn’t help.

The last one is hilarious! That's such an exaggerated expression! Do people really believe Cloud pulls that kind of pikachu face on the regular?! I legit needed to stop because I couldn't stop laughing! That's not Cloud or real!Cloud, that's just bloody funny! Also, Cloud doesn't seem too impressed by the result if that last minute frown is any indication. He doesn't want Jessie kissing him, even though it's probably the first time any girl has kissed him – poor sweet summer child lol

If I had to make a guess at the narrative canon I'd say number one, because we know for a fact that Cloud hasn't been driving for years. Boi gets motion sickness ffs! And when did he ever drive a motorcycle? I'd definitely buy that being one of the first times he's ever driven, which would explain why he did so poorly and why he has multiple varied expressions in that result.

[whitmore]

Thanks for still being on Yolanda and Rick's side. I just, personally I hate seeing redemption arcs for rich white men who treat everyone shittily and then *checks notes* a total of one personal tragedy happens to them and we are supposed to bend over backwards to accommodate and forgive them. Also do you think that courtney was insensitive to Yolanda this ep? I felt like she was batting from Henry's camp way too much. Like girl how would it feel if he did that to you

for me i don’t think it’s a matter of like. being on their side it’s just that i don’t empathize with henry in the way that the show wants me to, i think? (i later realize in the tags it’s because we’ve both been abused and i’m afraid of becoming him! so that’s fun funky AND fresh but that’s my valid reason for not liking the way he’s written rn) and i’m not entirely against a redemption arc for him either, he just has a LONG way to go before fully redeeming himself to me. he’d have to face his past AND his father, not just his father, for me to believe it; and i get the feeling the show will only have half of the equation, or half-ass both parts. 

i lost the part of this draft where i was sad abt how ppl keep justifying henry’s behaviour by fact of he was abused bc i, eleanor cosmicstaff, who was abused, am so SICK of storylines where the abused kid is the bully and the abused kid takes their anger out on everyone else and the abused kid is always going to be half villain because of the trauma and it’s like. i’m torn bc i want henry to heal from that trauma bc Abused Kid Rep but i’m so angry bc i NEVER fuckin took my anger out on people. i never bullied anyone bc i was abused, i never took all that hurt inside and projected it outwards on to other people. and it just SUCKS that he’s portrayed that way; non-abused kids lap it up bc it’s a reasoning for his actions, not a way to justify or excuse but it’s REASON, and he can Grow from that, but abused kids see that kind of plot line and wonder why we’re always portrayed like that; if i was being an asshole, i wouldn’t want people using my abused past as reasoning??

it’s just. infuriating i think in two parts bc i’m sick of writers portraying abused kids in that way (in the same way its more groundbreaking to have a female teenage protagonist without a love interest, it’s more groundbreaking to have an abused character who chooses kindness) and i’m sick of seeing people bring up abuse when talking about henry jr’s actions and then saying “it doesn’t justify his actions but...” while simultaneously trying to excuse his current and displayed actions because of a potential arc later (there was also a section in my original post that i lost on how this argument has only just arisen for henry jr and was never used for rick, or yolanda, or cindy, but idk what to make of that yet.) also how people say “abused kids repeat the cycle of abuse :(” is so misrepresentational bc NO NOT ALWAYS don’t pigeon-hole us like that it’s harmful AND it’s not even TRUE for henry bc that statement goes for repeating those actions when WE’RE ADULTS and we are PARENTING that statistic doesn’t even APPLY to kids bullying other kids anyway! i’m not saying abused kids can’t be bullies i just. yeah. all of the above.

on the subject of courtney. she sees the best in people; she’s idealistic to a fault. i think we have to acknowledge that courtney wasn’t there during the original fallout, that courtney HERSELF has issues with henry (first day at lunch. pushed him.) but that doesn’t cover the extent of yolanda’s hurt. courtney was insensitive. it’s where her & yolanda’s idealism vs realism clash; courtney believes in the potential, whereas yolanda evaluates from the past. 

i also want to note that comics hank is NOT tv henry and i LOVE comics hank but the portrayal of tv henry is like grinding my gears so. yeehaw