#ppl who try to convince me fighting is normal sound naive to me bc they just believe that without taking into account that its unhealthy

[wolficake]

What's actually super hilarious is I remember my spouses roommates when they lived in another province, one of them was hellllla disrespectful about our relationship all the time and didn't really respect boundaries.

One day she and I were talking and I was talking abt how Levi and I never fight because we communicate our feelings and she kept going "Everyone fights eventually, everyone fights with their partners, you two are going to fight one day"

And let me tell you; Five years together and three years married while spending literally every waking moment together and still telling one another everything; We have never fought.

We have difficult conversations, filled with empathy and understanding.

We handle any disagreements with grace and with healthy, open communication. And, quite frankly, everything we disagree on is pretty small and can be waved off as an Agree To Disagree situation, like on which aesthetics we prefer or what foods we like.

So, Dani, I know you'll never see this, but from the bottom of my heart, heal.

I genuinely believe fighting is the language of people who have not yet learned how to communicate their own feelings, and therefore can not handle when others communicate their feelings.

I don't fight with people. Period.

Either you tell me if I've done something to hurt you so I can fix it, or you can let it fester and blow up.

Either you accept when I've communicated that you hurt me and work through the problem like adults, or you get defensive and leave.

Either way, my peace will never be bothered. It's sad to hurt the people you care about, but I have been through far too much drama and unnecessary fighting that all literally could have been avoided if people set their ego's aside to connect and communicate with their fellow man.

I don't tolerate emotional immaturity. And, quite frankly, I don't care if people think I'M the immature one for dropping people like flies who haven't done the work on themselves to be that person. I'm not a people pleaser, and I don't avoid difficult or emotional or high energy conversations. But the second you try and FIGHT me? Gone. I don't put up with that in people I deem friends and care about. Fights are immature and if you can't talk about your feelings like a grown up, then you simply aren't grown up enough to sit at my table. I wish everyone healing and I'm more than willing to be flexible and work with you through your stuff, but I don't do fights. And there are just too many people in this world who thrive off of fighting. A type of "energy vampire", for absolute sure.

When my spouse or my friends cry because their feelongs are too big, I'm there, reassuring them, holding them, telling them how worthy of love they are.

When I've accidentally hurt a friend, I listen to them, I hear where they are coming from, I validate their feelings, I try doing better.

I understand everyone has their journey, but not everyone's journey is going to be alongside mine, and maybe losing me as a friend is a stepping stone to healing and learning the lessons you need to in life.

I genuinely believe that, for me at least, empathy is an active choice and is a muscle we must tone and use in order to ensure that it is a genuinely effective tool for yourself AND those around you. Do not people please, but rather do good by your fellow man, and the rest will follow.

I'm sorry if this was a bit of a ramble. Levi and I had a very emotional discussion that strengthened our bond and reassured both of us that we are meant for one another. This discussion led me to dream of that conversation I had with Dani years ago. My dream only ended up reassuring me that my path is true and that I am where I am supposed to be.

Granted, I also know that she seemed VERY into my spouse. When Levi and I were actively engaged she would say things to them like "You and I should get our own home together... Oh, and I guess Vii can visit sometimes." And she knew I was intending on IMMIGRATING to Canada when she would say these kinds of things.

And right when I was booking my plane ticket, she said that if I was coming to stay, Levi would have to leave. Even though it was widely known and accepted that I was going to be twmporarily living there while Levi and I looked for places to live on our own.

Luckily, Levi was tired of her disrespect and boundary crossing and moved right then and there. They had been so scared of being homeless because Dani and her friend owned the home.

I'm glad I never had to meet Dani in person.

I'm glad that when I got here, I was greeted by the love of my life in OUR home.

I'm glad that meeting me helped Levi create and uphold tangible boundaries.

And, as I said, I hope she heals.