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alegocarmadein · 4 months ago

Text

Long read ahead I do warn.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Somber. Morose. Melancholy. Those three are my holy grail of insane meanings.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Yeah my own work, the Shaman was too late. So, I wrote it in 2021. Very beginning of 2021. I had just been put on bupropian, after years of trying anti-depressants, it finally worked. Slowly. But I still had psychosis, so I'm getting less depressed but I'm still psychotic. And literally the last day of 2020 into the early hours of Jan 1st 2021, I listened to (and binged) Kane and Feels. Obsessed. FUCKING OBSESSED. IMMEDIATELY. But I was off of social media in its entirety, so I had one (1) person to scream at and she was busy in school and shit. So I turn my mind to fanfiction. Psychosis is a BITCH. It robbed me of my memory during and after, it made me paranoid, and a horrible insomniac. So I sit in my room and formulate this plot in the early hours of morning, just muttering to myself. This weird story that would not ever truly make sense but vaguely had a plot and a destination. And I wrote it! And because my memory was so terribly dogshit, every night and every morning, in between edits and writing fits, I would read it. Uh. Out loud. It took hours to read, partially because of how long it was, partially because my reading skills were close to non existent. For a while I considered making a podfic of it to go along with it, but I didn't have recording equipment or money! I was really isolated and spent well over a hundred, maybe two hundred hours on a 13k fic. My writing skills at the time were…diminished, and far from polished, so it took a lot of edits to make it readable. But it was my baby. It was the first fic I'd truly fallen in love with of my own. And eventually I posted it and didn't hate it like all of my others. I would reread it every month, sometimes every week after, checking for errors (of which there were many). Again, my baby. And still, I consider it one of my best fics, this fic I wrote in between 16 hour sleeps, interrupted often by hallucinations and paranoia attacks. And its just terribly special to me, because I know it so very well. I spent two months writing it, and I love that fic, truly.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Okay its not really a subject matter, but fluff? So hard. Don't get me wrong, I can come up with it and put it on paper….but keeping it around is sooooo very hard. I am very much a kill-the-part-of-you-that-cringes, but with kaf especially….eeek. Like the first bit of physical affection I think we've ever been aware of them doing is in the end of WHY, right? So writing close affection is like….babe no, this is Kane we're talking about. but….I think I've had enough independent events/developments (character wise) through my string of fics that I can stretch the lines a bit and put in a little affection here and there. Not super shippy either, just…"holy fuck I'm so glad you're alive that really sucked man." oh and verbal affection is a BITCH. Dude NO. I can't. it never sounds reasonable. I can't do fluffy I CAN'T DO FLUFFY. I'M A MAN OF ANGST DEAR READER. ANGST. Anyway, I wrote a fic about them waltzing. You should read it. And I'm also really proud of the next of kin scene in Next of Kin.

And memory related magic trauma whatzits are my favorite thing to write. I have it so many fics of mine. Psychosis <3 you are so fun to write about, my beloathed.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This is from The Shaman was too late, near the very end.

"Lucifer Kane is standing on a cliff, overseeing a hazy ocean with a soft lavender-grey sky. Distant golden-grey light shines through the clouds, and the smell of salt and a gust of a warm, ocean breeze puts him at ease."

First off, full name, this is serious talk. Usually I call him Kane, Lucifer when I'm trying to make a point, full name is for introductions and endings. The present tense is something I very rarely do, I generally get tripped up with present tense. The only other time recently I've used it is in Next of Kin at the very end of chapter 4-7, where Kane notices Brutus and is back in the present moment. Weird choice. And I don't really know why I had such a clear image of the hazy ocean with the golden light, streaming down, crepuscular rays (god's rays) streaming from the cloud, but still hazy. The lavender grey was such a spur of the moment thing while I was writing it, it's the color theme for the fic, the other worlds are lavender grey all over. I knew I wanted an emotional yet…like…quiet moment for them being reunited? Keep in mind at that point only season one and WHO, the first ep of season two had been put out, so no hand squeezes, no ocean, not yet, no reuniting, and I didn't know if kaf would ever be coming back. Sigh. Rough times. Well the scene at least hit dyn hard enough for them to make some really baller art of that scene, so I'm happy.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so…..so much. Most of the time at least. Big fics are almost guaranteed to have a separate notes document with a general outline, to keep my ideas on track. You usually find them in the final end note on the fic, though occasionally they're too messy to really share. This is actually what has tripped me up so bad with the sequel to Next of Kin that I've been working on FOR A FUCKING YEAR NOW, JESUS, is that I wrote an outline for an ending, went a completely different direction, wrote a new outline, then changed it again and now I'm super duper stuck and have no clue how to get to the end. :\

It's a document with bullet points or checkboxes with short plot points and weird details/characters/places I want to add. I ignore them at my will. I actually do enjoy it…for any other fic than the elphame fic. jesus.

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

a fucken weirdo. Not like. WEIRD weirdo, just a weirdo. like, that artist who did the beautiful, colorful cat potraits that look very interesting? the one who had schizophrenia so now everyone attributes the weirder ones to his mental illness instead of to his creative ability? louis wain? I feel like they'd attribute all the weirder stuff I write to mental illness, when instead that was hand crafted and delivered by my loving, not-really-stable-i-kinda-have-a-tremor-but-lets-pretend hands.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/Louis_wain_cats.png)

(my ao3) https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlegoCarmadein/profile

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(Not my poem (rest of the post is a poem))

Ode to Silence by Edna St. Vincent Millay

---

Aye, but she?

Your other sister and my other soul

Grave Silence, lovelier

Than the three loveliest maidens, what of her?

Clio, not you,

Not you, Calliope,

Nor all your wanton line,

Not Beauty's perfect self shall comfort me

For Silence once departed,

For her the cool-tongued, her the tranquil-hearted,

Whom evermore I follow wistfully,

Wandering Heaven and Earth and Hell and the four seasons through;

Thalia, not you,

Not you, Melpomene,

Not your incomparable feet, O thin Terpsichore, I seek in this great hall,

But one more pale, more pensive, most beloved of you all.

I seek her from afar,

I come from temples where her altars are,

From groves that bear her name,

Noisy with stricken victims now and sacrificial flame,

And cymbals struck on high and strident faces

Obstreperous in her praise

They neither love nor know,

A goddess of gone days,

Departed long ago,

Abandoning the invaded shrines and fanes

Of her old sanctuary,

A deity obscure and legendary,

Of whom there now remains,

For sages to decipher and priests to garble,

Only and for a little while her letters wedged in marble,

Which even now, behold, the friendly mumbling rain erases,

And the inarticulate snow,

Leaving at last of her least signs and traces

None whatsoever, nor whither she is vanished from these places.

"She will love well," I said,

"If love be of that heart inhabiter,

The flowers of the dead;

The red anemone that with no sound

Moves in the wind, and from another wound

That sprang, the heavily-sweet blue hyacinth,

That blossoms underground,

And sallow poppies, will be dear to her.

And will not Silence know

In the black shade of what obsidian steep

Stiffens the white narcissus numb with sleep?

(Seed which Demeter's daughter bore from home,

Uptorn by desperate fingers long ago,

Reluctant even as she,

Undone Persephone,

And even as she set out again to grow

In twilight, in perdition's lean and inauspicious loam).

She will love well," I said,

"The flowers of the dead;

Where dark Persephone the winter round,

Uncomforted for home, uncomforted,

Lacking a sunny southern slope in northern Sicily,

With sullen pupils focussed on a dream,

Stares on the stagnant stream

That moats the unequivocable battlements of Hell,

There, there will she be found,

She that is Beauty veiled from men and Music in a swound."

"I long for Silence as they long for breath

Whose helpless nostrils drink the bitter sea;

What thing can be

So stout, what so redoubtable, in Death

What fury, what considerable rage, if only she,

Upon whose icy breast,

Unquestioned, uncaressed,

One time I lay,

And whom always I lack,

Even to this day,

Being by no means from that frigid bosom weaned away,

If only she therewith be given me back?"

I sought her down that dolorous labyrinth,

Wherein no shaft of sunlight ever fell,

And in among the bloodless everywhere

I sought her, but the air,

Breathed many times and spent,

Was fretful with a whispering discontent,

And questioning me, importuning me to tell

Some slightest tidings of the light of day they know no more,

Plucking my sleeve, the eager shades were with me where I went.

I paused at every grievous door,

And harked a moment, holding up my hand,—and for a space

A hush was on them, while they watched my face;

And then they fell a-whispering as before;

So that I smiled at them and left them, seeing she was not there.

I sought her, too,

Among the upper gods, although I knew

She was not like to be where feasting is,

Nor near to Heaven's lord,

Being a thing abhorred

And shunned of him, although a child of his,

(Not yours, not yours; to you she owes not breath,

Mother of Song, being sown of Zeus upon a dream of Death).

Fearing to pass unvisited some place

And later learn, too late, how all the while,

With her still face,

She had been standing there and seen me pass, without a smile,

I sought her even to the sagging board whereat

The stout immortals sat;

But such a laughter shook the mighty hall

No one could hear me say:

Had she been seen upon the Hill that day?

And no one knew at all

How long I stood, or when at last I sighed and went away.

There is a garden lying in a lull

Between the mountains and the mountainous sea,

I know not where, but which a dream diurnal

Paints on my lids a moment till the hull

Be lifted from the kernel

And Slumber fed to me.

Your foot-print is not there, Mnemosene,

Though it would seem a ruined place and after

Your lichenous heart, being full

Of broken columns, caryatides

Thrown to the earth and fallen forward on their jointless knees,

And urns funereal altered into dust

Minuter than the ashes of the dead,

And Psyche's lamp out of the earth up-thrust,

Dripping itself in marble wax on what was once the bed

Of Love, and his young body asleep, but now is dust instead.

There twists the bitter-sweet, the white wisteria Fastens its fingers in the strangling wall,

And the wide crannies quicken with bright weeds;

There dumbly like a worm all day the still white orchid feeds;

But never an echo of your daughters' laughter

Is there, nor any sign of you at all

Swells fungous from the rotten bough, grey mother of Pieria!

Only her shadow once upon a stone

I saw,—and, lo, the shadow and the garden, too, were gone.

I tell you you have done her body an ill,

You chatterers, you noisy crew!

She is not anywhere!

I sought her in deep Hell;

And through the world as well;

I thought of Heaven and I sought her there;

Above nor under ground

Is Silence to be found,

That was the very warp and woof of you,

Lovely before your songs began and after they were through!

Oh, say if on this hill

Somewhere your sister's body lies in death,

So I may follow there, and make a wreath

Of my locked hands, that on her quiet breast

Shall lie till age has withered them!

(Ah, sweetly from the rest

I see

Turn and consider me

Compassionate Euterpe!)

"There is a gate beyond the gate of Death,

Beyond the gate of everlasting Life,

Beyond the gates of Heaven and Hell," she saith,

"Whereon but to believe is horror!

Whereon to meditate engendereth

Even in deathless spirits such as I

A tumult in the breath,

A chilling of the inexhaustible blood

Even in my veins that never will be dry,

And in the austere, divine monotony

That is my being, the madness of an unaccustomed mood.

This is her province whom you lack and seek;

And seek her not elsewhere.

Hell is a thoroughfare

For pilgrims,—Herakles,

And he that loved Euridice too well,

Have walked therein; and many more than these;

And witnessed the desire and the despair

Of souls that passed reluctantly and sicken for the air;

You, too, have entered Hell,

And issued thence; but thence whereof I speak

None has returned;—for thither fury brings

Only the driven ghosts of them that flee before all things.

Oblivion is the name of this abode: and she is there."

Oh, radiant Song! Oh, gracious Memory!

Be long upon this height

I shall not climb again!

I know the way you mean,—the little night,

And the long empty day,—never to see

Again the angry light,

Or hear the hungry noises cry my brain!

Ah, but she,

Your other sister and my other soul,

She shall again be mine;

And I shall drink her from a silver bowl,

A chilly thin green wine,

Not bitter to the taste,

Not sweet,

Not of your press, oh, restless, clamorous nine,—

To foam beneath the frantic hoofs of mirth—

But savoring faintly of the acid earth,

And trod by pensive feet

From perfect clusters ripened without haste

Out of the urgent heat

In some clear glimmering vaulted twilight under the odorous vine.

Lift up your lyres! Sing on!

But as for me, I seek your sister whither she is gone.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you’ve always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

#the poem is about persephone #from greek mythology #keep in mind this was written in the 1920s #people didnt like really KNOW about who persephone was on a national scale #so this is her love poem to her #thanks for letting me do this #I just needed to ramble #I haven't rambled about my writing in a while #I don't even care if anyone reads this im just happy I wrote something down #If anyones curious about the other ones leave in in my inbox :)

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gayregis · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any thoughts on TWN using non polish actors to portray characters from polish fantasy book with dense polish culture and roots? And on how most of the cast apperereance are drastically different than in the books? Like Foltest, Renfri, Fringilla or Calanthe? (Sorry this is the correct one, i forgot to add Fringilla on my previous question.)

i feel like the witcher should not be handled by a large american company like netflix. it is clear that a lot of decisions were made to “dumb the series down” in a manner that would make it more of a pop culture phenomenon that could be used to profit off of from viewership, subscriptions, social buzz, and merchandise, instead of an opportunity to demonstrate actual artistry, storytelling, character depth, and poignant messages. the company that handles it CAN be american or another nationality besides polish, but it shouldn’t be a huge one focused on making as much money and social sharability as possible, that will ruin things. (i also feel like the witcher should not be a live-action adaptation, but this is kind of besides the point... to better gauge how i think the feel of a visual-audial witcher adaptation should look, my dream adaptation would be that of a more “adult version” (”adult” meaning in themes like war and despair) studio ghibli or laika).

in regards to casting, i feel like it’s fine to not use an all polish cast as long as they fit the character description in a way that is actually relevant to the plot. so many people in response to people of color being cast in the witcher were volalitely racist and demanded a “polish cast” - as if polish MUST = white. even though poland is not as ethically diverse as some other european countries, people of color do exist in poland, as they/we exist everywhere. if you want an “all-polish cast and production,” that’s fine to me, i don’t think it’s inherently necessary, but i think if one is doing so, that doesn’t mean that it would be wrong to cast actors of color in roles.

i think the issue lies more with storytellng, for two reasons. one is that eastern european people involved on set seem to actually understand the witcher and what it’s about way better than any of the british cast, and by that i mean sakharov and baginski, who have demonstrated more understanding of like, the style of storytelling (not every scene needs to be jammed with action, drama, sex, gore), what the characters actually mean to each other, and the lore in general. this makes sense because i have read some articles and such before about how the witcher was and is important to its fans in poland and eastern europe because very little “slavic fantasy” ever gets exported and represented internationally, and of course sapkowski involved many cultural references in the series, so it’s recognizable to people from those regions (or are diaspora from those regions) who grew up hearing these fairytales, etc. it’s more of a meaningful callback and less of a “foreign curiosity,” if that makes sense. so for those reasons, i think it’s important to have a majority polish and/or slavic writing room/directors/etc, people behind the story and how the story is told - but that doesn’t mean the writer’s room should be all white men, though. diversity in gender, race, etc should be considered.

the other reason is that the casting for the netflix is inaccurate, but not for reasons of race. the issue with anya chalotra as yennefer isn’t that she is indian, it’s that her hair is incredibly straight and flat and not like yennefer’s curly stormy hair at all, and that her face is so soft and childlike, she doesn’t look stern and cold like yennefer at all. there are many casting issues amongst the white members of cast, such as henry cavill, who doesn’t fit the description of geralt at all because geralt looks like he’s starved constantly, and joey batey, who ... well, dandelion is supposed to be blonde and curly long-haired... but of course, these are the appearances which don’t really “matter” in regards to the story. except i think geralt’s build, as well as yennefer and ciri’s proximity in age, which makes me nauseous to think about how they only have a 6 year age difference

one physical description which does actually matter to the plot/lore is that of calanthe, pavetta, and ciri, as they are a matrelineal line, but in netflix, they don’t look related at all. i saw so many people complaining that they should have chosen a white actress for calanthe, but why is she the problem? why not cast people of color for calanthe, pavetta, and ciri altogether? they should look related and have the ashen grey hair/green eyes, but that doesn’t mean they have to be white. it’s a similar issue with yennefer and fringilla. they are supposed to look similar, and i saw many people complaining that they chose mimi who is black to be fringilla, they are just using “they need to look similar” as an excuse to hide their racism and anti-blackness, because anya is more white-passing than mimi is. from my perspective, why not then cast a black actress who looks similar to mimi as yennefer, then? “they need to look similar” again does not mean “they need to all be white or white-passing.”

we should have cast actors that both fit the descriptions of the characters in the books AND are diverse, without it being “random diversity to appeal to a diverse audience.” lauren thought she was so clever by throwing the actors of color in the roles of background characters, stereotypes, forgettable and disposable aides to the white leads, or super evil villains... i see what you did... why not center actors of color in an actually proud and leading light, with lead roles, where the casting makes sense and isn’t there for tokenization that does nothing to empower people of color? actually incorporate people of color into your artistic projects in a way that respects them and makes sense and not just so you can get more views to make more money

other divergences from canon like foltest were just piss-poor and demonstrated the lack of understanding about the messages of the story. foltest was supposed to be handsome, elegant, and as a refined a king as any, to show how those in power are actually corrupt and as prone to disgusting acts as any other human being, that foltest is not a better man than geralt because he is beautiful and sits on a throne. by making him disgusting on the outside, they totally missed the point that he is supposed to mask his disgustingness on the inside with beauty on the outside. also i feel like (maybe related) twn really made a whole joke out of foltest and his relationship to his sister because in one of the flashbacks (in the sorcerer? gala? party?) foltest is shown as a kid with his sister and his mom grabs his arm or whatever and is like “foltest stop bothering your sister” as like some kind of fucking joke... literally they made a “funny ahaha incest joke” like seriously wtf. the story of the striga in particular should be taken seriously imo because of how rawly the tragedy is depicted... this is probably why it’s one of my least favorite short stories... its so sad and also incest disgusts me horribly

for renfri i feel like she was just sooooo ... more “likable” as a character, a lot like how yennefer’s character was changed. you feel feelings of pity and curiosity towards her rather than actually being intimidated by her. renfri in the books actually made me so mad because i think she represents something like what ciri goes through across the saga, just how when you have the choice on how to respond to your abuse, you can easily become consumed with revenge, and i think renfri made me think of myself in that way so i really disliked it when they changed this terrifying raw aspect of her anguish and hunger for retrubution that made her lose her humanity into like, more of a palatable manner of killing... it really was just “girl with sword” and it was so boring. the lesser evil literally makes my stomach turn and that’s why i only read the story like once as well...

also to return to fringilla, i liked mimi and i thought she should have been cast for yennefer instead maybe.... i just was really upset at how much they changed fringilla’s character in the writing to be a “generic evil villain” when in the series she actually is kind of unique in my opinion. she is like, not allied at all with the main characters, but ends up saving both yennefer and geralt’s lives. she’s not good or bad, she’s not super loyal to the empire but she is still nilfgaardian/beauclairoise, and she just exists as a character and that’s why i actually like her in the books (asides from all of the unnecessary library nonsense). i thought mimi could have handled that complex role really well but they totally took that away from her and just made her a flat boring forgettable “evil” character that does “forbidden black magic” and is super loyal to an empire that brought her purpose because yennefer was mean to her once or smth ig... yeah ok. also i fucking hate how they had cahir of all fucking people order her around. idk how old cahir is supposed to be in netflix because he’s obviously not like 16-20 as he would be in canon during this time period, but to have him be the boss of fringilla... that is dumb as hell. i just try and think about that ever occuring with books verse cahir and fringilla and i think she would smack him off of his horse and into the mud. she’d tell assire and assire would get mawr to drag him off by his ear as he tries not to cry. also of course i hate cahir’s casting and the fact that they showed his face. why. it ruins like every message that his character had...

oh also because i HAVE to talk about it. i hate how they tried to make jaskier more masculine/boyish with not giving joey a wig or flamboyant setting-appropriate garb, i think they are allergic to men with long hair that’s not a grime, dirt-covered mess... literally just give half of the production wigs or better wigs i swear to god ... also like this is totally for another post but i don’t think making jaskier a flirt is inherently misogynistic like he acts in the books at times. like just write the misogynistic bits out and it’s fine... flirtatiousness is not evil when it’s consensual and appreciated ... i think they just really wanted geralt to be the one that gets large amounts of p*ssy because he’s muscular or w/e and jaskier became this sort of helpless annoying barnacle on his side instead of a real character and friend to him. and to bring this point back to the main point , i think character appearance really affects their characterization: jaskier in twn has short, boyish hair with no facial hair, which makes him look kind of juvenile, jaskier in the books has curly long hair with some light facial hair, which kind of brings up ehhh what would you call it... 70s casanova energies maybe, a man that puts oils in his hair and such, male thottery...

#the witcher netflix #anon #ask

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nbrook29 · 5 years ago

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SKAM

Yesterday, totally by accident I watched a video on youtube that contained bloopers of some norwegian show. I was intrigued so I decided to watch one its seasons, about Isak and Even (the seasons are kinda standalones). And I'm just... wow. American television produces like 182838 shows a year and yet they don't have anything that comes even close to this.

Apparently it is possible to make a show about gay guys who wear hoodies, listen to hip hop, do not go through every single possible trauma associated with being gay (disowning, bashing, HIV etc.). It's possible for the actors to be 18 and not 28 while playing high school teens. It's possible to have characters, main and secondary, who are not polished, airbrushed and perfectly styled, who do not speak one liners all the time (ekhem, riverdale, ekhem). It's possible to make a show that deals with teen angst without going over the top. I mean, hey, maybe I'm completely wrong here and there is an American show quite like that. After all, I don't know every single show. But I think if there was, I would have come across it. I just find it funny in a sad way that American TV which tries to be so inclusive nowadays, with every show that has black/asian/gay/lesbian/trans/whatever characters like it's mandatory to have them all ("look guys, we're sooooo popgressive"), doesn't really have a gay relationship like that as a main, or even background storyline. It's like Americans just cannot do it without turning it into a big drama or characters being super fake/stereotypical. The only show I can think of is Queer as Folk, but guys... that was TWENTY YEARS AGO. We almost have 2020.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it, and unfortunately you probably haven't because I don't think it's that popular, I highly recomend SKAM.

#skam #isak valtersen #isak and even

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nochuuuenthusiast · 5 years ago

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manicure

hi everyone! sorry for some delays regarding posts... i’ve been super busy but i’m back with another anon request for a scenario for the dad!jk series. right now, i’m trying to post as many request posts as i can since i have so many of them in my inbox, but yes, requests are still open! so feel free to request something if you want :) and yeah, have a lovely day!

also, here’s a link to my masterlist

anon request: Could you do a scenario for the dad!jk series where his daughter paints his nails? It could be like he fell asleep or she asks him if she can paint them. I just think that would be so cute🥺💘

genre: fluff

pairing: jungkook x reader

rating: pg ; warning(s): none

word count: 1560

*(y/d/n) = your daughter’s name

Click. You did it. It unlocked.

The small, blinking green light on top of the digital door lock indicated your success.

After unsuccessfully putting in the passcode to your door because of the groceries in your arms that were blocking your vision, you were finally here: home. You arrived at your apartment after picking up your daughter from preschool and going grocery shopping for another week’s supply of food... after your constantly ravenous husband and daughter seemed to deplete the food source within a few days.

Right as you unlocked the door, your daughter, (y/d/n), rushed into the apartment and went straight to the living room, where some of her stuffed animals and dolls were laid messily. Treading behind your daughter’s steps, you went to the kitchen to set your groceries down and looked around the apartment, seeing if Jungkook was anywhere to be found. Because he wasn’t lazily watching some television on the living room sofa or playing games on his computer with his headphones in, you assumed he wasn’t home yet.

Walking into your shared bedroom to change into some comfortable clothes before preparing dinner, your eyes grew wide, surprised to see Jungkook sleeping on the bed, small snores escaping his mouth.

I thought he was coming home late today...

Jungkook was exhausted.

After a full week’s worth of back-to-back schedules, all he wanted to do was go home and go straight to sleep... so that he could hibernate and escape from all of the responsibilities that came with being an idol. Jungkook and his members had been promoting for their new album and because their schedule was tight from the upcoming tour, they were completely booked and it was getting harder for you to even see him on the weekdays. So it made sense that you walked in on a sleeping husband... limbs oddly sprawled out across the bed with a little bit of drool coming out of the right side of his half-opened mouth, pooling around the edge of his pillow.

Although it saddened you to see him so tired from the workload, it was quite amusing to witness this odd sleeping position that you’d never seen him display before: his legs were folded in a criss-cross formation and it seemed like he didn’t even bother to cover himself with the blanket. Smiling to yourself, you wondered how he managed to sleep so peacefully without feeling any discomfort. One of his arms was on his side while the other arm was hanging off the side of the bed... and that was when you got an idea.

You walked into the living room to convince your daughter to join you in the commencement of your little prank; (y/d/n) was sitting in the middle of the living room, hunched over as her small hands gripped a bunny stuffed animal that Jungkook had won for her in a local carnival a few years back.

“(y/d/n)-ah~, where did you put the nail polish you got from school?”

Your genius idea stemmed from the conversation that you and your daughter had in the car after you picked her up from preschool; she explained how her friend gave all the girls nail polish as a “party favor” for her extravagant mermaid birthday celebration at school. At the time, you didn’t think much of it... knowing that your daughter loved to ramble on and tell you about her day at school, but after seeing Jungkook sound asleep with his hand hang off of the edge of the bed, you knew exactly how (y/d/n)’s party favor would come in handy.

You could already imagine Jungkook’s pout once he glanced at his nails and found bright, hot pink and orange splotches of nail polish on them. It had been a while since you had pranked your husband... especially since you were both constantly busy trying to balance out work and taking care of your daughter, so you thought that it would be funny to start your own prank war.

Your daughter ran up to you with her fists clenching her tiny school bag, and revealed its contents as she spilled the small containers of nail polish on the floor, already enjoying the mischievous joke she’d be playing on her dad. You shushed your overexcited daughter, indicating that if she didn’t stay quiet, the plan would be ruined. As (y/d/n) took the hint and covered her mouth, trying her best to keep quiet, you took the bottles of nail polish in one hand and held your daughter’s hand in the other as you led her down the hallway, and into the master bedroom.

(y/d/n) tiptoed across the room and approached the bed slowly, praying that Jungkook wouldn’t wake up; you smiled as you saw how enthusiastic your daughter seemed to be to paint Jungkook’s nails... once she reached the edge of the bed where Jungkook’s hand hung, she grinned and faced you, indicating for you to come to the bed. Once you crouched down next to (y/d/n), you opened the pink bottle of nail polish, with the brush at hand, ready to smear it across his nails. And once you handed your daughter the other opened bottle of nail polish, there was no stopping her. She giggled as she painted his thumb and index finger while you painted his pinkie and ring finger, excited to see her dad’s reaction. But it was when (y/d/n) got too a bit too excited when she slid her nail polish brush against one of Jungkook’s fingers that he started to stir.

Your daughter’s eyes grew wide, scared that Jungkook would wake up and catch you in the act; so she jumped to her feet and abandoned the mission by quickly running out of the room. And not soon after, you scurried out of the room yourself, not wanting to ruin the glorious work that you had half-completed. And with that, you were back in the living room with your daughter in your embrace as you giggled together, relieved that your plan was successful.

You were sitting on the dining table with your glasses on as you read your book while waiting for your soup to finish simmering before dinner was served. (y/d/n) was also reading one of her many picture books, trying to comprehend the story’s narrative as she sat next to you with her eyebrows furrowed, indicating her immense concentration.

It was then when you heard Jungkook’s feet shuffling through the hallway, that you and your daughter exchanged glances, ready to see the confused look on Jungkook’s face when he noticed the paint splotches on his nails.

You looked back down at your book, trying to act as serious as possible so that you wouldn’t give anything away.

Jungkook’s hair was messy with his shirt half untucked and half tucked from the way he turned in his sleep; his eyes were also half open as he scratched the top of his head and rubbed his eyes as he approached the two of you in the dining room. You daughter got out of her seat to give him a big hug and being the loving father that he was, he took her in his embrace, lifting her up in his arms as a smile appeared on his lips.

“How was school, love?” he asked in his raspy voice, still not fully awake from his long nap.

Your daughter couldn’t help but giggle as she glanced at the bright pink and orange nails that her resting near her side. Confused by her sudden laughter, Jungkook decided not to question it and put her down instead in order to let her continue reading her book.

He then approached you from behind, as he collapsed his body weight onto your shoulders in a lazy bag hug. You peered up at him as you removed your glasses, amazed at how after all these years you were still fond of his looks even when he just woke up from his slumber.

“Hey,” he said shortly, under his breath.

“Hi.”

His kissed your cheek and then the tip of your nose, showing you the affection that he hadn’t been showing you for the past few weeks as a result of the busy schedule.

“You notice anything?” you inquired.

Your daughter was red from holding her laughter, and you smirked as you stared at the hands that were encasing your frame.

His eyebrows furrowed, still confused about what you were saying; and it was when he decided to follow your eyes and looked down at his hands that a smile appeared on his face. He unwrapped himself from the embrace and faceplanted into his palms, realizing how ridiculous he looked with such flamboyant nails.

(y/d/n) was exploded with laughter, finding the whole situation hilarious. Jungkook leaned back down towards your ear and smirked.

“Oh, you’re sooooo on...” You glanced back at him with a nonchalant look on your face, knowing that you had just initiated a prank war with your husband.

“And you...” he said, turning to your daughter, “are also gonna pay for what you did...” And with that, he ran off, chasing your daughter around the apartment as her shrieks filled the air... making this another typical yet memorable day for the Jeons.

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writingmyimagines · 5 years ago

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Dating Robin Headcanons

A/N: in a writing mood. Also isn’t she literally the cutest thing in this pic? Ugh, my bi little heart.

Okay, she was in fact the one to ask you about, but it took fooreeevveeer

Literally you guys have been friends since the beginning of sophomore year due to being paired up in biology and it took until three weeks before senior prom for her to say something

You had been complaining about not having a date to prom, trying to you know, drop a hint like “Wow Rob, isn’t it so unfortunate we BOTH don’t have a date to prom? Oh, woe is us.”

And she starts babbling on about how prom is stupid and it’s just another excuse for guys to get into girls pants

And she’s not wrong

But you just look at her with big eyes and start talking about how maybe it could be fun with the right people

And she just shrugs it off, trying to get you back to picking which movie you two should watch next

But you’re persistent

You finally cross your arms and say, “We’ll maybe I’ll just invite Andrew from band to go with me”

She knew he was a creep and screamed at you, “No way you go with him! He is a pervert and an ass and thinks because he plays the drums he’s sooooo cool”

You challenger her back, “Well who should I go with then?”

And her face gets super red and she mumbles, “Me”

And you put your ear near her, and ask “I’m sorry what did you say?”

And she huffs, yelling and looking at you longingly, “Me! I said me, you should go to prom with me and we should go to prom together and fuck what anyone thinks and I just think that I am the only one capable of taking you to prom and giving you a nice night...”

As she rambles, you grab her hand and kiss her cheek and her face goes beet red

I’m talking same color as her lipstick

A strawberry

A literal human lobster

But its kind of the cutest thing ever

And summer comes around and she gets a job at the mall and you’re at the record shop

You hate not seeing each other, but you both visit the other one if they’re working

Within a week of her working at Scoops Ahoy, her coworker Steve recognizes you and moves out of your way as you head to the back

You’re friendly with him, but you definitely laugh with Robin at his attempts to get girls

Which becomes a new past time of yours

But you guys still like going on cute dates

You go to the movies a lot because you sneak in have a discount

She loves ranting and raving about the actors and setting and you love movies, but you love watching her talk so passionately even more

You also do a cute thing where you try to match nail polish with each other

It’s a little thing but when you see your hands together, the same color, well heart eyes

Whenever other people comment on how “great of gal pals” you two are, you laugh and kiss her on the cheek

She blushes, but if they start saying how that’s too close, she’ll plant one on you

And her lipstick tastes like cherries

Basically you are in love

She is the sweet goofy kind of girl friend

But the best thing is just laying in each other’s arms, talking about nothing

You wouldn’t give up the world for her

And she wouldn’t for you

#robin buckley #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley imagines #robin buckley headcanons #stranger things #robin buckley x you #robin buckley x reader #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #imagine #imagines #reader insert #x reader

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omniscientspinelfanatic · 4 years ago

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Just The Darnedest Thing; Chp. 2- You Leave Me Dizzy

Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak-!!

"C'mon c'mon c'moooooon slowpoke, we're almost there!"

"O-Okay, okay, calm down, I'm going as fast as I can without eating floor, you goober!"

"Liar! I've seen ya run much faster!!"

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap-!

"Well yeah, when I had tennis shoes on; sandals aren't exactly the world's best running shoes on super-polished floors, you know!"

"Steven can run in them just fine!"

"He's goddamn Steven, Savior of the frickin' Galaxy, of course he can! Just because I can touch the back of my head with the tips of my toes doesn't mean I can compare to him~!" Was the breathless snark the dark-skinned human's companion received in return, dark curls bouncing wildly with every harried step. Her excitable pink guide looked back at her with a smirk as she continued to pull her forward by the hand.

"Yes, you can! Yer just modest!"

"And you're biased!"

".....Touché! Now it's just around this corner, c'mon!" Speeding up with a giggle and rounding a glittering corner, the small jokester came to a sudden stop, causing Xana to have to pump the breaks hard in order to not bowl her friend over. Sandals and overly-smooth surfaces weren't the best combinations for traction though, and the awkward woman just barely managed to keep from slipping and landing on her behind by bracing her free hand against Spinel's shoulder. Pouting down at the way too innocent looking expression glancing up at her, having absorbed the shock from the human's stumble and moved not a single inch, she watched as Spinel gestured to their new surroundings with a bright grin. "Look dollface~."

Even though the human huffed and placed her hands on her hips as she played up her stern expression, it fell right off into blank astonishment at the exquisite sight before her.

It was... a massive courtyard dominated by a truly gigantic pool of water. At the bottom of the concavity lay thousands upon thousands of sparkling crystals, placed down in interweaving angular patterns in chromatic rhythm. And high above the surface, dozens of crystalline basins in different sizes and shades of blue, yellow, pink and white laid afloat in the air at different heights, serenely pouring the water within them into lower basins until it reached the bottom. In the middle was a spire topped by a delicate, abstracted figure sculpted in quartz so clear it looked like glass, one hand outstretched towards the sky while the other covered its eyes. Water poured from the obscured section, running down its body and into the highest basin to travel all the way back down to the pool in rivulets.

It was clear, due to the beauty of the entire room, that the popularity of the location was well-founded; several gems of all shapes and sizes were gathered around and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere, joking and smiling amongst each other in small groups all around. It was such a nice sight to see, one that placed a small nugget of warmth beside her heart.

Seeing all these Gems relaxing and having a good time, it was sad to think there was a point in time, not so long ago, that such a thing was practically outlawed.

This was a much better sight, in her humble opinion.

"Sooooo~?" Spinel drawled out, hands clasped behind her back as she bounced on her feet in anticipation of her friend's answer. "Do ya like it~?"

"Like it?? Spins, I love it!!" Xana squealed in delight before slapping a hand over her mouth upon realizing just how loud she was. Twinkling eyes flickered back and forth to giddily take in every part the beautiful sight, her form bouncing on the balls of her sandaled feet as she fought the urge to immediately sprint for the clear looking water. The place looked like something straight out of a fantasy setting! "This is... Gorgeous~!" She managed to squeak out through her fingers, before looking back at Spinel with an excited grin. "Is this one of your favorite spots to hang out while you're home~?"

Such glee was infectious, especially to a Spinel; she grinned widely as she took a proud stance. "Got it in one, sugarplum! Playin' in the water is loads'a fun! Which is nice, cause we don't 'ave much of that around here, not like on Earth. But we've gotten better at it the past couple'a years!"

"That's great!! Whoever put this together, man, did they hit all the marks!" The young woman gushed, a hand pressed against her cheek as she returned the excited waves of a few pebbles wading in the shallower parts nearby. "This is just... Stunning!"

Oh boy, was it ever, but Spinel's gaze wasn't on the opulent ambiance in the slightest. No, no, the soft cafe colored human buzzing with all the energy of a young kitten held every last bit of the gem's attention. The tinted and refracted light that filtered through all the water and glass hit her face, her hair, her hands, her whole body... To her, Xana truly brought the whole thing together. The final stroke to complete a masterpiece, it was almost dizzying.

"Damn, too bad I don't have a swimsuit on me..." Drawn out of her reverie by the sound of disappointment in... ah, to hell with it, her human's voice (unacceptable!), she looked up to see one of Xana's cheeks puffed out in a cute pout as she looked longingly over the pristine water and glittering ledges before the two of them. "Cause I would sure jump in there otherwise..."

A ponytail flopping against her face as she tilted her head to the side, Spinel's brow furrowed momentarily as she frowned. Xana couldn't go swimming in what she had on now? She hadn't planned for this... "What's wrong with the clothes you have on now?"

"Hm? Oh," the woman turned to chuckle at the pink gem's befuddled face, gesturing to her dress, "this material isn't made to handle water for extended periods of time like swimsuits are; it'd soak up the water and get heavy and it would make the fibers it's made of easier to rip and tear. Plus, I don't have any towels or other clothes to change into, and... I'm guessing you wanna do other things after we're done here?" Squeaking furiously as she nodded her agreement, Xana hummed as if she expected that answer. "That's what I thought. Wet clothes aren't the most comfortable thing to just play around in."

"Hmm..." The pliable jester's frown deepened, tapping a finger against her chin in thought. "...You could always take your dress off and put it back on after?"

She hadn't expected for Xana to make a choked noise of extreme shock and fluster at the suggestion, blinking as she was promptly given a flushed stupefied look like the mere thought of such an action was incomprehensible. "Oh my stars, what?!?!" The human hissed in chagrin. "A-Absolutely not!!"

Eyes wide, Spinel held up her hands placatingly, clueless as to why her human looked about ready to poof her. "W-Why not? I don't-"

"Because!!" She yell-squeaked with discomfiture, hands flailing as she sputtered for words. "T-That's...! It's...! To do something like that in front of a whole bunch of people that you don't??? Know??? That's soooo not okay, it's not even funny!" Not to mention in front of her mega-huge crush?!?! She wouldn't do something like that even if a gun was being held to her head!

"....I'm so confused." The gem had to admit, she was very lost on this one. "How-"

"It's indecent!!" The sibilant instance cut her off, punctuated by the curvy organic being wrapping her arms around herself protectively and shivering in absolute horror. "I'd never do something like that, it'd be so embarrassing. I'd rather drop dead!"

The young human was sure that the blank stare she was receiving would have been hilarious in any other situation, but right now it was making her curse wildly at the existence of cultural barriers. The purest of relief crashed over her form as understanding flickered in Spinel's gaze, hitting her fist into her palm. "Ohhhhh... Is this about that modesty thing you told me humans care so much about?"

Xana grimaced and nodded, dragging a hand slowly down her hot face. "Incredibly so, you complete goof."

"O-Oh, heh, uh," The gem felt herself blush lightly, dismayed to know she made her bestie uncomfortable even for a second, "Sorry?? I didn't know... Didn't mean to make ya uncomfy or nothin', promise!"

"Hhhhhhhhhhhh-" Attempting to scrub away the heat from her cheeks with her hands, the femme allowed herself to release a somewhat strangled chuckle as she pinched at the bridge of her nose. Even if she had no clue what she had been suggesting, the very source of her ardor had literally just proposed for her to strip. If Pan-Panic(ᵀᵐ) had an example in a dictionary, it would be displaying Xana's current expression. "I know, I know, you're... You're fine! I'm just a bit f-flustered is all, I wasn't expecting... that."

"Yer... not mad at me?"

"Shocked? Yes. Embarrassed? Absolutely. Mad? No, not even close." Shaking her head with a wired giggle, she ran her hands through her disorderly mane, rubbing at her scalp with her fingertips to try and calm herself down. "It's not like you said it cause you were being a pervert or anything." She sighed, unaware that Spinel's face had begun to glow a deep pink. That could've been construed as perverted?! "A-And to be fair, I don't really think there's a faux pas in your culture that really translates all that well to this particular instance considering Gems don't really, uh, wear clothes. You certainly couldn't have known, s-so it's okay!"

Even with the reassurance, Spinel couldn't help but feel incredibly meek about the misunderstanding. She ignored the few stares the two of them were beginning to get, pressing her pointer fingers together shyly. "Still... M'sorry darlin'. I just don't want ya ta miss out, I know how much you love playin' in water." She glanced a bit sadly around the room, disappointment settling so deep into her malleable features that Xana couldn't help but feel extremely guilty about her reaction. "I guess we could always find somethin' else ta do..."

Noooo, babey, dun look so sad, please-

Wanting to wipe the sad expression off her face quickly, the human wracked her brain furiously for a solution, glaring down at her dress as if it's very existence was offending her, which it currently was; Why couldn't reality just bend to her will for an hour or tw-

Wait.

Oh!

"No, wait!" She exclaimed, drawing Spinel's attention back towards her. Grinning widely at the look of question she received, she leaned over to grip at the hem of her dress on the right side. "I have an idea!"

"Huh? What are ya-" The gem's speech screeched to a sudden halt, eyes widening slightly as Xana exposed far more of her legs than she ever willingly had before now. Something in her chest flip-flopped and her face began to heat as she watched her human bunch the fabric up as much as she could in her right hand and pulling it taut before muscling it into a knot that rested on her hip.

The cocoa-skinned girl smiled down at her innovation, as her dress was now hitched up her thighs to the point where it couldn't get easily wet while still covering her modesty. Sure, her legs were bare and that was often something that made her anxious, but she certainly felt safe enough to allow this slight vulnerability (Gems of all people weren't going to care if her legs weren't covered and after Spinel's earlier naive suggestion, this was nothing). She gave the skin of her thighs she could reach in her upright position a gentle pat before twirling in place with a small giggle. "There! That should do it! Whatcha think Spinsy? I won't be able to full-on swim still, but I can at least get more than my feet wet with my dress tied up like this~!"

What did Spinel think? Oh, well, it was rather hard to tell through the loud perplexed screeching in her mind upon seeing more of Xana uncovered.

It made absolutely no sense as to why she was feeling so shaken and warm at the new sight. After all, they had just established that Gems didn't exactly have modesty and certainly didn't have clothes! Xana was particular about the clothes she wore, or so she said; to be honest, Spinel kinda forgot she actually had a solid body underneath all the flowy fabrics that were usually draped over her form. She hadn't really seen much more than her arms, face, and feet, so this? Being able to see parts of her sweet, gorgeous human she hadn't ever seen before??

It was strangely thrilling.

"A-Ah, you're... You're, uh, staring kinda hard, Spins..." Xana murmured shyly, starting to twiddle her fingers nervously and snapping the pink being out of her trance. "Heh... I, um, I've never shown this much skin before, huh? Is it... weird?"

"No!" Jumping slightly at Spinel's ardent denial, wide eyes watched as her bestie shook her head wildly, her hands hung in the air pleadingly as if urging her to stop that train of thought immediately. "Nononononono, I was jus'...! Surprised, thats'all sugar! You've... I-I've neva' seen so much o' ya before now and it's... Different? B-But it's good kinda different!" The jester rushed to assure, a nervous and crooked grin twisting her face as she witnessed that pretty red overtaking the human's cheeks again. "I guess yer jus' so pretty that I couldn't help but, uh, y'know... Stare."

Smooth. Sooooo smooth Spinel, honestly; 'good kinda different'? Truly the pinnacle of sophisticated compliments.

"O-Oh well... Eheh, uh, thanks~?" Xana responded with a demure flattered smile, reaching back to rub at the back of her head awkwardly. "I don't know about 'pretty', per se... But I do agree that my legs are my best feature! Thick thighs save lives and, ha, all that. I could almost rival Garnet!" She did a little wiggle of her hips, kicking off her sandals and finally skipping over to the nearest edge of the pool with a bashful laugh. As she peered around for a safe place to step into the pristine water, Spinel couldn't help but continue her staring from before.

She gulped harshly as her eyes traced the outline of the newly bared skin, feeling her Gem heat more and more the longer she gawked. Xana's legs were so lovely, imperfect and human and wonderful in a way that was solely her. Unique, one-of-a-kind, nothing compared to the smooth rigidity of a Gems' hardlight form. A shapely treasure that was just supple and delicate and-

"You coming Spinny?" The femme called back curiously as she eased herself into the pool, careful to make sure she didn't slip on the slick tiled flooring. Thank goodness it wasn't as sharp as it looked, that certainly wouldn't have been comfortable. Glancing behind her, she rose a brow in interest as the gem startled back into reality and gave a soft giggle. "You sure are daydreaming a lot all of a sudden. C'mon, the water feels great!"

Right! Water! To play in! Let's go!

Without a single word, she took a running start for the pool and with a high jump and a cackle, the pink prankster cannonballed straight into the pool, sending water flying in every direction.

Yelping a bit at the sudden action, Xana shielded her face from the large droplets the splash had sent in her direction. "Ohmigosh!!" Looking over her dress and clicking her tongue in dissatisfaction as seeing a few damp spots over the fabric, her pout came back full force as she looked over at her goofy friend sinking into the water with a loud snicker, the only part of her still above the clear liquid being the upper half of her face. "Spins!" She chided loudly, though the attempt at sternness was totally ruined by the happy smirk she was flashing. "And here I was trying not to get wet~!"

"Heheh~. Sorry!"

"No, you're not, ya goober." The human huffed, grinning as she shook out her hair to get rid of any stray droplets.

"Yeah, yer right toots, I really ain't." Cackling underneath her breath, the stretchy gem fashioned her lower legs into a rudder and a fan and propelled herself around in the water while making motor noises, much to the delight of the young woman. She whistled a chirpy tune as she cruised around the centerpiece all willy-nilly, making 'toot toot' sounds as to warn others of her presence. Xana couldn't help but watch with twinkling eyes as she tried to follow as best as she could, much to Spinel's immense amusement. This devolved into a rousing game of Hide and Seek Keep-Away, with the human crying foul about how quick Spinel promptly used her elastic abilities for evil; which in this case, was pure evasion.

"No fair, Spinny!" Xana stamped her foot in displeasure, ignoring the small splash she made as she glared up at the lowest basin floating above the two of them where the wiggly gem had absconded to after she had gotten just a tad too close to catching the trickster for her liking; low though it was, it was still waaaay out of the woman's reach. "That's cheating!! You know I can't get up there!"

The pink jackass smirked like the little shit she was, peeking over the edge of the glittering stone bowl overflowing with water down at her and cackling like a hyena. "S'not cheatin' if they're my natural abilities, sweetheart! Don't be so salty~!"

"This powerless human will be as salty as she wants, thank you very much!" She complained with puffed up cheeks, turning away and holding her nose up in the air with a feigned sniff. The tall woman wasn't really angry of course, beyond a small bite of jealousy poking the back of her mind, but she couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit insignificant upon this reminder of her mediocrity.

Being a human with mostly average physical limits surrounded by essentially ageless aliens who could bench her whole weight without showing the slightest bit of strain was rather cool, sure, but it had its own special brand of sting; Xana wasn't ignorant to how Gems back home would look at her and her fellow humans as if a particularly strong summer's breeze would snap them in half if they weren't religiously watched like infants while hanging around the stronger race.

They meant well, Xana knew, but it still made her feel a bit sore. 'Here I am, with this boring human body...' She couldn't help but think, looking down at her reflection with a bit of shame and displeasure. 'Fragile and weak in comparison to her. What could she possibly like about all this squishiness? How could I even think I could ever be a match for her in the first place? Stupid, so so so stupid-'

"Doll? You okay?" Flickering her eyes away from the pensive blank stare she had unknowingly been giving the fountain's statue, the femme blinked upon seeing Spinel drifting down from the ledge above, one hand morphed into a small umbrella to soften the fall back into the pool. As she landed, hot pink eyes looked the human over with concern. "Did... I make ya mad? I was only jokin' with ya-"

"Pfff, nah," the curly-haired woman quickly shook her head, shooting her smaller friend a small smile to assuage her worry before turning her gaze back towards the statue with a thoughtful hum, "You're fine, silly. I was just... Lost in thought."

"Oh. Okay..." Spinel murmured a bit anxiously, clasping her hands together and brows furrowing. "A pearl for yer thoughts, maybe? I'm a pretty good listener all things considered, heh." The little entertainer smiled encouragingly as Xana returned her gaze to her friend. Upon seeing the uneasy care and kindness she was radiating, the woman's somewhat conflicted eyes softened.

'Bad Xana. Those are bad thoughts and you know it. She must like something about you, otherwise she wouldn't have stuck around you for two years. All that time has to count for something, right?' Sucking in a deep breath and holding it for a long moment, she exhaled with a vengeance, kicking out all the self-doubt causing discord in her head on its ass. 'Right. This is a good day, with your best friend, and you shouldn't let thoughts like that ruin your good time.'

"It's nothing, really." The woman then assured, reaching up to pet the pink comedian's head, who's eyes widened upon seeing a much more placid expression wipe away the half-pained, half-resigned one that had originally been there. "Just self-deprecating stuff... Thinking about how I'm not good enough, that sort of thing. You know how it is." Spinel frowned, but nodded; she knew that feeling well, after all. "But that stuff doesn't matter right now. What matters is that I'm here, with you." Xana smiled sweetly down at the gem's reddening face and chuckling. "My favorite person in the whole universe."

How was Spinel's gem not blinding everyone in the room right now? She could have sworn that any stray water droplets on her had evaporated into thin air with how hot she suddenly felt. "I'm... Yer favorite person? Me???"

No hesitation. "Yup~! No one else comes close."

"...W-What about Steven??"

Still no hesitation. "Second favorite."

"What?!"

"Well, he's the reason I got to meet you in the first place, isn't he?"

"Oh. W-Well, I mean, I... I guess..." The entertainer averted her eyes to the side, seemingly engrossed by whatever she thinking about. Her eyes flickered over their reflections thoughtfully before moving her hand to take Xana's own. "...Yer my favorite too, Doll, y'know that...?"

...This was officially the best day ever.

"I-I am?" The lone human managed to squeak out, face pinked and cobalt eyes glittering happily in the refracted light washing over them both. Spinel's own flush deepened as she stared hard at their image, but she nodded while muttering under her breath as if such a thing was hard for her to admit.

"Uh-huh..." Xana couldn't help it; giggles bubbled up her throat and past her lips as she pressed her empty hand against her face in pure elation. Spinel watched, perplexed, and maybe even a little worried. "What? What's wrong??"

"Nothing! I just... Haha, oh wow-" Glancing back at her through her splayed fingers, she smiled bashfully like the awkward creature she was. "I've never been anyone's favorite anything before!"

The small jester stared, wide-eyed, before a determined expression twisted her rosy mien--Her arms stretched out and looped around Xana's squishy form before pulling the human into the biggest hug she could manage. "Well, that's jus' stupid! Yer wonderful an' everyone should be able ta see it! Is everyone blind or somethin'?!" An amused snort was her answer, royal blues rolling playfully back at her.

"Not eeeeveryone I meet needs to like me, Spins." Xana crooned teasingly, snickering as she patted her back to mollify her ire.

"I don't see why not!" Spinel responded, incensed and frowning with a condensed brow. The gem honestly looked offended on her behalf. "Yer amazing! Anyone would be lucky ta have ya as a pal!"

"It would honestly be weird," The tall woman answered, shrugging her shoulders with a smile, "I don't need a nation's worth of fair-weather friends. Not when I have a handful of people so good to me that I consider them family. Who needs 'em when I have the Crystal Gems?" Without even thinking about it, she lifted a lithe hand to cup it gently against one of Spinel's streaked cheeks, humming gently at the pretty scarlet they promptly turned at the touch. She seemed conflicted as to whether or not she wanted to lean into the contact, especially when Xana started to rub gentle circles against the streaks with her thumb. "Not to mention you."

For a split second, Xana thought the gem's rosy pupils flickered into the shape of hearts but the frankly charming sight was gone before her brain could properly process it.

The comedian glanced away self-consciously, giving an embarrassed chuckle. "M'sure m'not all that great compared to the otha's but m'still glad ya think of me that way, Toots." She flinched as the human made a sound of acute outrage at in response, her hand moving to grasp the pink dynamo's chin and turn her head so she could look her dead in the eyes sternly.

Xana knew that this moment was drifting dangerously far away from being just a strictly 'friendly' heart to upside-down heart... And she wouldn't lie, her head was screaming at her to shut the hell up before she said something too revealing.

But.

The woman couldn't help but think. It was clear that today, while meant to be an innocently affectionate outing celebrating their time together, was turning into something a bit more... intimate. Which while flustering the hell out of her, Xana couldn't help but feel hopeful about. Spinel was a kooky and wild little rascal of a gem, but she was anything but stupid; Xana's earlier idiotic slip of the tongue (well, way more than a slip really) was a hopelessly obvious sign that she was longing for more than just a friendship with the rosy entertainer and considering her aversion for anything at all stronger than friendship, Spinel hadn't been? Dismissive?? Quite the opposite, in fact, even if she had panicked very quickly after her own little slip. And even as oblivious as she herself was, the human had noticed the gem's excessive staring when she thought she wasn't looking.

So she couldn't help but have the incredibly implausible and shakingly brittle optimism that maybe, just maybe, her beguin possibly returned her tender feelings.

The dark-skinned human had known that she had deep feelings for her pink friend for about six months or so now. And it was rather unlikely that Spinel would be the first to say anything; if she really did feel the same way, that is. And though she was absolutely terrified of being rejected, the human woman was starting to feel like that maybe she was more afraid of never telling Spinel the truth.

Xana hated being dishonest. It went against every single one of her morals; she had promised herself, at a very young age, that she wouldn't be anything like her derisive father or her vagabond mother. They were liars, traitors, the truest scum of the earth. She always told the truth, even if it was to her detriment because she knew that her parents could never do the same.

And wasn't keeping a secret technically lying? What if it was her brain that was holding her back and her heart was the one in the right place?

Besides, human life was short. Fragile. Startingly inconsequential in comparison to a Gem's practically immortal lifespan. Humans risked their lives every day by simply breathing. Xana knew she could be dead and gone tomorrow from a mere stupid accident or from some random person who didn't give enough of a damn about those around them. That was something she had learned and accepted at a very young age. She had seen what regret could do to a person; seen grief and sorrow and rage twist and warp a good person's psyche until they were bitter and practically unrecognizable. Risk was inevitable. Unavoidable.

You either took a chance to improve your life or learned to live with the regret of never taking the opportunity.

So the real question was...

Could Xana live with that regret if she stayed quiet for the rest of her life?

.....

"If the only Gem I could see on a daily basis for the rest of my life was you, I'd be the happiest human to ever exist." The woman boldly proclaimed, her answer giving her the confidence to force the words from her lips. She flushed as Spinel's eyes promptly widened to the size of saucers but she held firm, maintaining eye contact. "You give me something to look forward to when I wake up in the morning and I know I'll be able to see you."

Xana felt her stomach quiver and tremble with anxiety as the pink gem simply stared, slack-jawed, and she felt her confidence waver enough to make her look away, even though her hand remained on her friend's jaw brushing away what spare droplets landed close to her thumb. "Sorry if that's embarrassing or weird to hear, but, uh... It's true."

For a long jittery moment, the only sound between the two of them was the roaring of various Gem-Made waterfalls hitting the bottom and the distant quiet conversations of the other Gems nearby; Xana's chest felt tight with building panic and just barely managed to hold back a flinch when a gentle touch fluttered against the skin of her cheek.

"Ya... Really mean that." Azure eyes flickered back up to spy the warm, almost disbelieving countenance searching her own, as if she just couldn't understand how or why Xana could think so highly of her. "Ya really like bein' around me that much...?"

Relaxing with understanding, the curly-haired woman nodded once, wondering if her blush had stained her cheeks permanently yet. "Mmhm~. My favorite person, remember? I always enjoy myself when I'm with you."

This time, Xana knew for a fact Spinel's eyes morphed into hearts, compounded by the wobbly (lovesick? or was she reading too much into it?) simper that she was sporting as well.

'So cute...'

Still, not wanting to overwhelm her, Xana backed up a step, smiling assuringly at the somewhat dazed and delighted expression hazily watching her movements. "Besides," A content sigh left her as she refocused on the feeling of the water brushing up against her ankles and then her calves, smiling as she leaned down to cup a bit of water into her palms and then toss it into the air with a happy shout that snapped the gem out of her distracted rumination, "A day playing in water is never not fun!"

Eyes sparkling with admiration and a wide grin stretching her face, Spinel whooped for joy at the infectious enthusiasm. "H-Haha, you said it!" She cheered loudly, speeding around Xana like the roadrunner before grabbing onto one of the higher basins and flinging herself up, landing inside with a spin and slinging water a great distance all around her. She received several complaints from nearby gems who consequently got splashed for her efforts and replied very maturely by sticking out her tongue and making faces at them, gleefully cackling as she turned to finally grin back down at Xana.

The femme smiled back, watching her infatuation bound around the tiny floating islands with a soft knowing chuckle; that had been... a bit heavy. The little jester probably needed a bit of time to process all of that.

But!! Spinel's reaction!! Was not at all discouraging!! That was... just incredible to Xana! Maybe she had a chance after all!

However, she had to be subtle--Being too bold or too forceful could end up with Spinel being scared off and Xana certainly didn't want that. She was prepared to play the long game for this one. After all, she had waited two years to get a clue and woman up; she'd wait as long as she'd need to.

For Spinel, it'd be absolutely worth it.

They weren't sure how long they played in the ever-moving waters of the fountain, laughing and playing little games with each other, but it was for quite a while. Spinel could have stayed there for another 6000 years with Xana and she wouldn't have noticed time passing them by.

And that really said it all, didn't it?

As she watched Xana study the architecture of the fountain with fascinated eyes and shyly converse with a few curious Gems that had never seen a human before, the elastic jester sunk a bit deeper into her floating pool a ways above and let herself... ponder. About her human.

Today had been a bit of a rollercoaster so far. Being around Xana always tended to make Spinel feel like she was dizzy or drunk with happiness, but this was way different. She had bounced from excited to embarrassed to smug and just cycled through those emotions like that one spinning ride back at Beach City's Funland.

At the moment though? She was... content. Yeah, that was the word. This was a quiet kind of joy, and that was okay. She didn't have to try to be entertaining or try to do what she was originally made for when it came to Xana--They just complemented each other. Xana soothed the dark thoughts that always brewed in the back of her mind, while Spinel gave her the confidence to shine like the star she had always knew she was. The valleys of self-doubt felt less steep when her human was there beside her, while the mountains of their combined glee made Spinel feel like she was soaring.

Their relationship was easy. Natural. Equal.

In two years, a human had done what a Diamond couldn't do in two thousand.

And those years had flown by so fast. To Spinel, it felt like she had blinked and all that time had just disappeared. Granted, such little time was like a single grain of sand on a beach to a gem, but to a human? Such time was precious, for they had so little of it.

And Xana had given it to her like it was nothing. And declared she'd continue doing so without a second thought.

That... That meant a lot.

'Even with how wrong and damaged I am,' Spinel thought, head placed on her crossed arms as she surveyed Xana gently tracing one of the colorful murals displayed with a slender finger, 'she's stayed by my side when she didn't 'ave ta. Even when I yelled, or pushed her away, or cried for whole days at a time... It's rare ta find a person willin' to do all that for ya, isn't it...?' She exhaled deeply through her nose, eyes softening as she witnessed Xana pick up a group of pebbles gathering around her feet and start chatting with them excitedly, clearly taken by how small and cute they were. 'Is that what people who love ya do?'

The thought came unexpectedly, giving her pause.

...Funny how certain words just kept turning up.

It was like the whole universe was trying to tell her something. And Spinel knew what that something was.

She was just afraid to face it.

The word itself still felt a bit... Raw to her, like something abrasive was being scratched against her gem. After all, she had been made to love unconditionally from the very beginning, to be a friend that would always be there, and had only received indifference and betrayal in return for it in the past. The idea of setting herself up for that again frightened the hell out the comedian. She had gotten better with being friendly with others, sure, and she was rather proud of that, but that wasn't the problem. Making friends was easy.

Trusting them?

That was a whooooole other ballgame.

Even with the Diamonds, who had been nothing but sweet and kind to her when they took her home with them so long ago, she wondered every now and again if when they looked at her, they saw the second chance they never got to have with Pink.

But Xana was different. She had been a clean slate, and even if she had fucked up a couple of times with her, her human hadn't thrown her away. She stayed.

She stayed.

...Why?

What compelled her to stick by her side for so long?

Did she pity Spinel?

Hm. Maybe... She supposed it was hard not to, all things considered; but just pity couldn't justify two whole years, right? No, there had to be something else.

Maybe it was because their traumas were similar to a degree; birds of a feather and all that... But no, that didn't make much sense either.

Spinel soon had the thought that maybe Xana was waiting for Spinel to be the one to leave first so she wouldn't hurt her feelings, and shamefully thought about this a bit longer than she should have before dismissing that answer. She knew Xana, and Spinel felt guilty that she had thought so little of her for even a second. The human had an integrity that was extremely hard to find; she said what she meant and didn't beat around the bush, even if she knew how to sugarcoat and soften the blow of honesty's sting. She wasn't a liar.

She wasn't Pink.

So then... What could the reason be?

...

......Was it... Love?

Was that really what it was?

Did Xana...?

Was Spinel...?

"...I'm in love with my best friend, aren't I...?" She whispered to herself, a whole cocktail of emotions roiling around in her unseeing gaze at the ripples of water far below. "...Am I really going to let myself make that mistake again...?"

...

No.

This... This wasn't a mistake.

Xana couldn't be anything classified as a mistake.

This had occurred naturally, hadn't it? It wasn't something she felt obligated to feel. She hadn't forced this. She hadn't wished for this.

It just... Happened. At its own pace.

Like everything else had when it came to her relationship with Xana.

..............

Spinel took a deep breath before exhaling slowly, feeling something inside her tighten at this realization but also... Calm? As if she was relieved?? Just how long had she been denying herself that release?

This...

This was...

...Oof.

'I need ta talk ta her.'

Finally coming back to reality, Spinel sat up out of her recline with a purpose and blinked when she realized Xana was no longer where she saw her last. A small worry flared up behind her gem as her eyes flickered around for her friend's form, relief soon shooing it away upon seeing her form sitting near the ledge where they had first entered with only her feet submerged in the crystal clear water. She had her foot thong thingies close to her hip, eyes closed with a relaxed smile on her lips, and feet lightly kicking at the water. Her hands seemed to be massaging at her legs...

Concerned, the little comedian lurched to her pool's little lip and forcefully shook herself dry before springing over the basin and landing with a noisy squeak beside the human woman. "Heya sugarplum, is somethin' the mattah'?"

Xana stiffened, her eyes flying open with a startled gasp before whipping her head around to give Spinel an 'are you serious?!' kind of look. "Spinny! By the stars, you scared me..." She griped, a hand coming up to clutch at the space above her heart with a pout. "Didn't I tell ya to warn a gal before you do something like that? You know I don't do well with being scared."

The gem smiled apologetically, a guilty blush staining her face as her ponytails drooped at the deserved reprimand. "Sorry, toots... Didn't mean ta startle ya, promise. Jus' noticed you were rubbin' at your legs a lil' there, an' I got a bit worried." She replied, glancing down at said motion. She tried her hardest not to stare for too long. "S'wrong? C'n I help wit' anythin'?"

"Ohhh. Nah, it's alright. My legs just started getting tired because I was standing up for so long, so I sat down." The wild-haired woman shrugged, before smiling at the gem. "Thanks for caring though! That's sweet of you."

"'Course Dollface, s'my pleasure." Spinel chuckled softly, casting a shy look towards the water before looking up as Xana poked her in the arm to regain her attention.

"So, uh, hey, you said you wanted to do something else after this right? Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this place, but I wanna see everything you had planned before I get too tired." The tall woman reminded before lifting a hand to her mouth, managing to suppress a tiny yawn. "Human limitations and stuff, y'know?'

Oh, right. Crap. She forgot Xana needed that sleep stuff. "O-Oh yeah, right! Um. Hmmm. I didn't really 'ave anythin' else planned other than just wanderin' around and seein' the sights... I guess we could go to my room if you want to?" As soon as Spinel suggested the idea, she coughed a bit as she remembered a slightly important detail she had managed to forget and tried to backtrack. "There's, uh, not much ta see in there though..."

Ha, fat chance. It was clear Xana had latched onto the suggestion immediately, evidenced the excited and mischievous glint in her deep blue eyes.

"Hey now, you're not gonna get out of this THAT easy!" Xana cackled with glee, grinning over at the wily gem with a great amount of anticipation in her eyes. "Even if there's not much in there, you can tell a lot about a person by looking in their room! Besides, you practically ransacked mine the first time I invited you into it~."

She just haaaaad to bring that up, didn't she? Spinel's cheeks flushed red as she gave a pout, embarrassed. "Yer neva' gonna let that go, are ya?"

"I'll let it go when I'm six feet under." Xana snorted, pulling her legs out of the water and hauling herself up with a soft groan. She waggled her feet to flick off any remaining droplets clinging to her skin before putting on her flip-flops again with a raised brow pointed back down at her little pink friend as if to say 'Well? Whatcha waitin' for?'

Triumph flashed in her eyes as Spinel promptly threw her head far back with a loud groan. "Fiiiiiiiiine, whateva'!! But if yer gonna insist-" Making a quick bounce off the floor, the pink alien did a somersault in the air to land seated on the human's shoulders, much to her immense surprise.

"What in the name of-?!"

"There, that's bettah'!" With a loud cackle as Xana stumbled before catching her balance, she pointed off in the direction of the corridor opposite they had arrived from. "Onwards my noble steed!"

Barely managing to right herself, she puffed out her cheeks in a pout and glared up at the little magenta heathen, exasperation in her gaze. "I don't recall agreeing to be a taxi service!"

"It was in th' contract of demandin' to see my livin' space." Not that Spinel was complaining too much; only she and the Diamonds were allowed in her room and she knew the Diamonds currently weren't around. At the very least, it would give Spinel a private place to try and talk to her human.

"I didn't sign anything, I am not legally bound in the slightest." The woman huffed, yet still wrapped her arms carefully around the dangling legs on her shoulders to keep the slinky from falling off as she walked off in the direction indicated. "Fine, ya menace, but only because you're you."

Smirking smugly, she flopped her upper half against the back of Xana's head and giggling mischievously as she gave an annoyed grunt. "Good girl~. Jus' listen ta what I say, and yer gonna be juuuuus' fine."

The dark-skinned female knew, of course, that Spinel had meant that in a joking way but apparently her heart hadn't received the memo considering the stuttering it gave at the somewhat suggestive sounding statement. "Of course your majesty~." She cooed back in a snarky way to keep any possible attention away from her reddened face as they come upon a set of truly gigantic doorways. "Whatever Princess Spinel doth require, I am bound to comply~."

The gem snorted in reply, "Hey, I ain't a princess! The closest thing we have ta a princess is Steven. If anythin', M'a great an' brave knight!" She declared with an air of great self-importance.

"Hehe, I feel like if I tell Steven that, he'd get annoyed." Xana thought aloud with a snicker. "Do forgive me, my lady! Spinel the Just I shall refer to you then!" The two of them bantered back and forth as they left behind the fountain, both caring a newfound knowledge within their minds as they did.

And the waters trickled on sweetly.

#spinel x xana #spinel su #spinel steven universe #steven universe #spinel x oc #romance #awkward confessions #fanfic #ao3fic

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dreamsanddreams88 · 5 years ago

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Was friends with the girl who played luna lovegood, she had just met this guy who, as children, was at same surfing camp or smthn as babies in the caribbean? Both were named after it i guess, all her fans telling her to give him a chance and date him. Then i was in weird, rendered world that had portals. Like ocilus rift game. Portals went to elemental worlds kinda like spyro, water n forest n stuff. Each one had sprites or faerie girls, i tried to seduce one. Also smthn with brian n jose n my parents, we were in some decrepit house and there were creepy tunnels in the ceiling?

Smthn in the Empire of sand universe, very upsetting. Then was in sandman universe and he was tryna kill amun and the mystics. Then smthn bout sarah and being in a big cafeteria of people, and then an auditorium. Like high school

Was eating dinner with whole entire family, errbody went out to smoke n invited matthew out too even tho he doesnt smoke, but didnt invite me. Started crying. Then i was packing to move, mom tryna help me. Then i was Void from incredibles 2, running away from someone. Run into hugh jackman, we go have sex in his dingy apartment, he ties me up, its gr8. Nosy neighbors open door, i tell em im busy go away. Then after, i have a crisis because im myself again and dating alex, freak out that i cheated on him with hugh jackman. Then in a mystery where dad and his old friend group caused an old shopkeeper to be electrocuted long ago when they were teens. Then i was a suspect, blonde college girl in house with other suspects

Was harnessing up to pull ivy on these huge redwoods, then we were in thailand or somewhere? Dude driving us around, i was embarassed i didnt remember what country or town we were even in. We stopped at a store, i wanted to buy cutesy things to fit in. Found nail polish that turns rainbow colors

Sleeping on wildwood rd, hiker girl also behind dumpster. Dude tryna steal car, alarm goes off, call cops. He chases us, then its me and kat running from alex. We hide in rando apt of guy we knew. Then in owens house w lots of ppl and a bunch of cows broke into yard and one came in the house. Also dogs there, had to make them like me, really scared. Then i was balding, had gross peely itchy scalp, tryna moisturize it and peel the dead skin off

Snuck onto tims computer and saw a bunch of dirty emails to somebody. Then i was in It Follows. Lived with 2 abusive roommates, escaped and handcuffed myself to hotel bed. Then escaped that and drove 2 waterloo house, but knew It would come for me. Came looking like kenzie but walking in the field, ran out to car and drove away n woke up

Was roommates with tathariel, she was watchin a movie and i wanted to watch with her but she was really standoffish. Sooooo unbelievably pretty tho

Went to movie at house party where ppl were smoking crack, claudia IP was there. Wanted to go back to flirt with her or sleep at her place, it was in sequim/cf. Try to drive there with my family in the car behind me, on wildwood, but i get pulled over by flirty annoying young cop who only pulled me over to talk. He starts mansplaining traffic rules and shit.

Snuck into owens backyard, it was super steep hill with 2 streams. They came back from church and caught me, hung out w his kids like a babysitter but i felt ashamed of trespassing

Was reading an alice in wonderland book then it became real, on top of mountain, needed a tame lion to light a fire otherwise this curse would cause the mountain to catch fire and a bunch of young kid characters had already been killed off from that? So i got this lion and was trying to untame it by acting crazy, it was very scary

In big house with lauren and family, going to work pulling scotch broom in sequim but left lunch stuff at alex's, tryna text him but phones at 1% and wont charge. Then had to time travel to get morgan freeman n convince him to trust me, he was at some family reconciliation where everyone was crying

Cool oufits i was taking 4 free? Crop tops that look like sailor scout uniforms, with cool red high waist shorts and suspenders

Xander, lucas, luis, n folks were sposed to go with jenna to france to get her ears pierced for the wedding, everyone bailed last minute so i go to airport to tell them off, me and ashlyn couldnt go. Accidentally walked across canada border w/o passport and they wouldn't let me back, crying a lot

In alien spaceship with thanos and orc-lookin fuckers, could get to light speed real quick, super fun

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languagemadness · 6 years ago

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Diminutives in Polish

this post was requested a looooong time ago, I’m sorry I just got down to it.

Diminutives are really popular in Polish. Like, super popular. People use them all the time, not necessarily when they should be using them.

So when should you use diminutives?

When you want to emphasize something is very small or cute or when you want to give something a more positive or a slightly scornful overtone. Diminutives are also a stylistic device and bring in some emotional undertone.

size: dom -> domek

positive attitude: palec -> paluszek

scornful attitude: bunt -> buncik

What words can you use the diminutive form with?

adjectives (słodki -> słodziutki), adverbs (słodko -> słodziutko), verbs (very rarely; płakać -> płakusiać), and nouns (okno -> okienko) — yes, these include names (Agata -> Agatka)!

Watch out: as I said, diminutives are usually used when you want to make something sound very small/cute/nice — but some words’ meanings differ from their diminutives. For example, "spodnie,” which is the "basic" form, in its diminutive form would be "spodenki" — but "spodenki" is usually used to refer to shorts. Same goes for kanapa (couch) -> kanapka (sandwich).

How do you create diminutives?

From now on, we’ll be working on nouns only as they’re the most popular words to make diminutives from.

Just take the root word and add the right suffix to it:

masculine nouns: -ek/-ik/-yk (dom->domek / list->liścik / kosz->koszyk)

"-ek" is the default option (dach->daszek)

"-ik" after l, ł, j, d, ń (słoń->słonik)

"-yk" only after sz, cz, c, ż, rz (deszcz->deszczyk)

feminine nouns: -ka (rzeka->rzeczka)

neuter nouns: -ko (lustro->lusterko)

If you paid attention, you noticed that it sounds simple at first but right when we got to the examples, it got… weird. What happened to rzeka? Why did the "k" turn into "cz"? What about lustro? There’s no "e" in lustro — why put it in lusterko then? Well, these are just some alternants that happen very often in Polish. There’s no other way than just learn it by heart — and through practice. I made a post about alternation and how to live with it here.

Watch out (again): word roots that end in "-na" always get an extra "-e-". Sooooo:

wiosna -> wiosenka

sarna -> sarenka

wojna -> wojenka

Sometimes it’s also possible to form diminutives from diminutives. Woah, what! They’re called double diminutives. One way to make them is to take a magical suffix (-ek, -ka, -ko — according to the gender of the noun) and add it to the diminutive’d word. BUT you also need to change the "k" into "cz" and add an "e". It’s not as complicated as it sounds, look:

bawełna -> bawełenka -> bawełeneczka

However, if it still sounds to you like a grammar rule invented by the devil himself, there’s an easier way of creating double diminutives. Just take the root word and add a proper suffix:

masculine nouns: -eczek/-uszek/-iszek/-yczek (dom->domeczek / kwiat->kwiatuszek / brat->braciszek / kosz->koszyczek)

feminine nouns: -eczka (dziewczyna->dziewczyneczka)

neuter nouns: -eczko (słońce->słoneczko)

Did you notice? Both these ways are basically the same thing. For example: dziewczyna -> dziewczyn-ka (we added -ka to make it a diminutive) -> dziewczyn-eczka (we took the root word “dziewczyn-” and added the double diminutive suffix “-eczka” -- but at the same time we took the entire normal diminutive “dziewczyn-ka” and we turned the k into cz and added an e before it!). So it’s basically the same rule, just two ways of applying it -- go with whichever makes you more comfortable!

Watch out (again!): if the root word ends in -ka/-ek/-ik/-yk/-ko, you can only make it a diminutive by turning it into a double diminutive. In other words, words which roots end in -ka/-ek/-ik/-yk/-ko don’t have a singular diminutive form. Just double.

książka -> książeczka

pudełko -> pudełeczko

Wanna hear something fun? There are triple diminutives, too! They’re easy, though. Again, it’s all about suffixes:

masculine nouns: -unio/-uś (miś->misiunio / chleb -> chlebuś)

feminine nouns: -unia/-usia (mama->mamunia / Ania -> Anusia)

neuter nouns: -unio/-usio (miś->misiunio / kino->kinusio)

So what’s the difference between all three degrees of diminutives?

Meaning. "Normal", singular diminutives are most common and they’re less… over the top. Again, you use them to say something is nice, small, cute, sweet, positive — or if you want to present something in an ironic way. Double diminutives are more intense than that. Triple diminutives are even more intense. The more intense the diminutive, the less used it is.

For that very reason, double or triple diminutives don’t always work. What you need to remember is that as long as you can create normal diminutives from basically any word, double and triple ones often sound just too weird to be true. For example: drukarka–>drukareczka (single diminutive)->drukareczeczka (double diminutive, but it won’t work because it’s too complicated and unnatural)->drukareczunia (triple diminutive, but come on — it’s even worse).

Important things to remember

* you can create diminutive forms from nouns, adjectives, adverbs, verbs — and that includes proper names.

* singular diminutives are very common in everyday language. Double and triple diminutives are not as common.

* not every diminutive means the same thing as their basic word (eg. spodenki are not “small pants”).

* you use diminutives to show something is small, cute, positive — or when you want to show it in an ironic light.

* alternation. Again, I made a post about it here.

If you have any questions at all, don’t even hesitate to shoot me a message or an ask 🎀

________________

I helped myself with these websites: 1 / 2 / 3.

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nisibaper1989-blog · 6 years ago

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Probably with my navy blue flats. For actual Valentines day, I have my other classroom party. My nail polish matches perfectly with this outfit. My mom really thought she was going to be in the room and super involved. It doesn feel as dramatic as it sounds here on Reddit. It so much softer. From what I understand the Pip Boy Flashlight uses light that can be spotted by the NPCs, meaning you can sneak with the light on. Not sure if that been fixed but worth checking out. I stopped using it and went with the regular Pip Boy light, after changing the colour for it in the game settings to a more orange looking one. Uncle is now trying to guilt my dad into a plus one, saying it "puts him in a bad spot." BRO, you are 55 years old. My wedding is 65 people MAX, and I don want this woman there. Parents are thankfully on my side and holding firm but it really something.. The hardest parts so far have been the bugs and the scraping ice off my windshield. Also all the freeways are tollroads and the free ones are "routes" that are sooooo slow. In SD you can hop on a freeway and go anywhere fairly quickly. Also, I having trouble finding skinny jeans that are tight around the calf and ankle. All of my booties look weird with my jeans because they sit on top of the shoe. I seen girls with very tight denim around the ankle but I can never seem to find them (unless they are, in fact, a legging and not denim).. It depends on how you planning to use your world, then again that could lead to you falling into the pitfall of planning far too much and never writing anything, so for now just keep on writing and improving on suggestions and stuff you read up yourself, when you got some things set into stone, then bother about the unfamiliar language.YuvonGrohiik 2 points submitted 8 days agoThere are hardly any good ones, the best one is someone who studied latin themselves. If you translate to or from latin you need to do it word for word and never a complete sentence, there are too many variables in the language for a translator to pick up, concepts like the PPP, PPA, PFA, ACI are too complicated for a translator. Reading 홍천출장샵 up on those (and many more) and then using a site that lists all forms of a word and paying very close attention to genus, casus and numerus are key for translation.Personally, I use fragcaesar, but that is a german site, so you have to first translate a word into german and then into latin on that site.I am on the fence about whether I want to use Duma, he helped me get my first Tier 21 in Arena so I kinda wanna use him in some way, but I really am not a big fan of armours so I limit my use of them to only armour characters I really like.Myrrh I simply like her base form better, and I don really have an interest in Azura now that f2p guides with her aren a thing and 홍천출장샵 I don really like super overpowered stuff.So with that Lyn really is the best outcome for me, her legendary form is my favourite one, so I was interested in building her anyway and getting a copy here can get me a pretty good merge. It's like those people who think they're soooo awesome because they aren't scared to say what's on their mind. Not EVERYTHING needs to be said, ya know. At some point you just become a tactless, classless, asshole no one wants to be around. Macy's, Sephora, and Birchbox are all cheaper and offer mid end products and are cheaper. It's not unrealistic or asking for too much. It's not a problem to be disappointed that I canceled a cheaper box and received a box with products from lower end companies that is more expensive than other leaders in its category.

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sunfish999 · 6 years ago

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if y’all ever wanted to know anything about me... i tried

hm I’m bored (i say this as i should be doing geometry homework

1. read: probably the paladin prophecy, or the finisher (just books i’ve read like 500 times, idk about understanding but--) watch: the vampire diaries? (idk i watched the entire series in 7th grade wygonnad) or aquamarine movie? listen to: XYLO, LUME, more specifically Need Nothing by Verite

2. bro i have no idea who they are actually but I’ve seen like 2 fanfic writers who write exactly like me and seem to think exactly like me i love that. also a reg writer? uh probably mark frost? i aspire to write like f scott fitzgerald but it never gonna happen hun (cos i wanna major in physics not literature lmao)

3. holy fuck lets pick like 3 fandoms, aight? uh first lets go w my hero academia? tokoyami ofc? next... percy jackson bich-- nico LMAO no maybe bianca? hm HARRY POTTER -- ginny prolly although i dont want to date harry (oops) The maze runner? tommy actually ;; naruto? fucKINH ROCK LEE BABE uhhhsdfhh star wars is anakin and voltron is lance (or pidge actually) i should stop buuuut yeao ok

4. i think my name is fine but i aint gonna share it here (also kinda wish my nickname was charly though thats all im gonna say ALSO yes laurel is a faux name yes

5. human being because i do nothing. lol but yes i think that who i am as a person should be based off my actions, for it is how i act that shows other people who i am, not ‘who i am inside’ dont make fucking excuses for your actions people

6. yea i believe in 1 god and i was raised as a catholic christian but i am accepting of all religions and views

7. i mean kinda??? idk im very polish and so i eat lotta polish food (gr8 stuff right there) but im just american so yea

8. muscial artists, well bitch i only started actively listening to lots of music (aka spotify) like last year but i listened to ari grande when i was young ofc but i dont rlly feel connected to her. maybe like, adele? probably her yea

9. yes i am a visual artist (preferred medium is watercolor) i looooove singing although i suck so i just do it for fun, i played the french horn for 2 years (also suck so not really lol) um i also write for fun and im good at writing informative essays (my school is big in the english program lol) i was also in 3 plays but i dislike theatre so no. also i like clothes i am a fashion artist wow

10. tf? idk? i have like 3 mottos: “if you want something done right, do it yourself” “the answer to existence is not why we are here, but how we affected others during our time here” “jack at all trades, master at none, better than a master at one “ “you don’t have to speak to be present” “consider how hard it is to change yourself and realize what little chance you have in trying to change others” “do the scary thing first, and get scared afterwards” “the very fact that you're actively looking for ways to become kinder, and attempting to understand your flaws and change them for the better is fair proof that you as a person, are kind.” OK YEA MAYBE I HAVE A CREED SO WHAT

11. ideal day lol art, reading, and binge watching tv in bed while eating. otherwise spending the day meditating in a forest in spring where its warm but not too warm and just not speaking the entire day

12. both. i have 3 cats and 2 dogs. love all of them dearly though i’d consider myself a human puppy vs a human kitty (im not a furry calm tf down)

13. outdoors, if you mean nature. if you just mean social activity, then indoors

14. as i said before, i like singing even though i suck, in grade school i learned the ukelele, piano, and french horn. i remember none of that now

15. influential books my ass. LETS GO: 1. into the wild (krakauer) 2. Fahrenheit 451 (cant remember author name but its fucking iconic and a classic and it made me think) 3. just gonna go an put harry potter because that shit changed my life 4. the hobbit? idk, iconic 5. i wanna read more literature-y books soon but whatever, i feel like i should say the great gatsby but honestly with writing my essay and everything i just dont give a shit anymore

16. ok i feel like if my parents werent as strict when i was younger id have less depression and be less stressed but then i would also care less about my grades and being kind and i like that about myself sooooo

17. lol this is EXACTLY me guys because its fucking anonymous as hell because i know none of you (except for like 2 mutuals but ive never met them irl but they’re cool) i dont trust my friends. or family, for that matter

18. my patronus is a wolf thanks for asking; and my power animal: symbolizes instinct, intelligence, and an appetite for freedom. embody personal power and balance between self-control and animal instincts. a guide to inspire you to live more freely

19. im a gryffindor, i took the pottermore test twice and got it both times, also, i took it doing the opposite and got slytherin, so i aint them (but i love slytherin sooo)

20. fuck are you serious? honestly hogwarts would be awesome as hell but probably middle earth because it still got the magic but it gorgeous as hell

21. yea i’d probably say i love easily since i like barely talk to my crushes and yet i think i really really like them because GODDAMN

22. school. daydreaming. eating. phone. drawing.

23. i feel like once i move out for college i’d like em a heck of a lot more, so probably like at least once a month? when i’m older? like at least once every 2 months? i love my extended fam though

24. oh fuck my friend from school and i fucking liked chinchillas when we were little, we always text each other the same thing at the same time, i always know what shes thinking and what the basis for her actions is. shes the bff that doesnt always act like it all the time

25. fuck yes

26. pansexual and PROUD but still in the closet except for the whole internet and 3 friends

27. ok honestly i feel like i dress kinda like a basic girl just more minimalistic and modest but i kinda totally want the gays to recognize me and also i fucking want those patterned polos because hell to the yes. and also i want bangs but i do sports and i feel like id look ugly because everyone says they would (waiting til college, naturally) otherwise love my freckles and real dark eyes

28. honestly, probably like a 2-3. i don’t care SO much about what people think, but i’m fucking annoyed by really dumb things super easily. i’m just really good at hiding it so no one ever knows

29. why music wtf OK: 1. need nothing - verite, 2. lover like me - off bloom 3. strapped - FOOL

30. why the FUCK all my quotes are in my creed bitch lemme search :

“growing up is giving up”

thanks for listening to my TED ED talk aaaaand i hope you know me a bit better and i hope i didn’t accidentally give away too much info and someone will come kill me ok BYE

#questionaire #question aesthetic #askthetic #ask #tag urself #if you want

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garden-of-succulents · 7 years ago

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Ask I got: So with your post on your writing and Kent its like yeah I usually love a lot of your stuff but whenever Ngozi's line about "Kent getting all he wanted and not getting to grow and Jack getting all he feared and growing" I'm just kind of shocked you agree with that cause I mean you know Kent didn't want Jack to OD and I bet losing Jack in anyway was one of Kent's biggest fears.

plus like here the idea of growth ends up being tied to being out or closeted. Jack's maturity and self acceptance ends up being reflected through how open he is, the high point of his arc and growth as a player ended with him coming out to the world. Which unfortunately bounces back and frames Kent as immature and ties that immaturity to being closeted. [SOME BITS TRIMMED FOR LENGTH] And then make him an antagonist and frame all of his interactions with Jack/Bitty and all of his victories as negative just kind of burn my tongue

even more so when fans intentionally or not run with all that framing and end up connecting all of Kent's issues with his choice to be closeted for his career condemn his choice and point to it as evidence of immaturity or lack of self love or warped priorities, when that choice isn't just the norm but literally the only one any NHL player has ever made at this point and a choice millions of us make each and every day for our own safety, success, and happiness.

My reply: People criticizing the link between immaturity and closetedness are really on point, I think. When I was supporting N's comments about "Kent got everything he wanted, and didn't grow, while Jack got what he didn't want, and grew", I didn't know the full content of 3.26, especially the fact that Jack was going to come out on television and that Kent's teammates were going to be pretty LGBT-hostile.

I mean, I do think that Kent is immature, especially in the sense that his social and emotional development is stunted, and that his immaturity is the result of his decision to go into the NHL and be a professional player from age 18, while Jack's relative maturity is the result of his time in rehab and at Samwell. However, I don't think Kent is uniquely immature in the NHL, and his immaturity isn't linked to him being queer—I think, rather, that immaturity is a result of the incredibly toxic masculinity an NHL career demands, and the effects of that toxic masculinity. Jack's unique because his talent, family history, and financial privilege have given him the advantage of being able to fight that toxic masculinity in the way few professional hockey players have been able to.

So, I'm from Alberta. Small town with a hockey rink and not much else. Major oil-producing sector. Grew up around hockey players. I did part of my practicum as a mental health therapist at a university counselling centre in Vancouver where they had a really strong athletics program, and I had hockey players on my caseload. And the hardest thing for me to communicate to people from elsewhere about hockey culture is how relentlessly, insistently hypermasculine it is. Everything you've heard about a "man box", everything from The Mask You Live In or Men's Work or I Don't Want to Talk About It. That's what gets pushed by coaches, by commentators, by everybody—toxic masculinity is how you play. Dominate, suppress your emotions, overcome pain, win at all costs.

I am honestly saying that the entire feeder system for men's professional hockey is fucked up on a very fundamental level. From elementary school-aged kids getting up at 4am for practice and doing hockey every day and having no social lives outside of hockey, to teenagers leaving home before they're developmentally ready to be away from their families, having substance abuse issues at a grossly disprortionate rate to their peers, shortchanging their educations, and earning very little money. The system produces top players by getting them to focus on hockey at the expense of everything else, which includes their social and emotional development.

I'm talking about basic shit like "realizing when you are feeling an emotion and being able to identify what emotion it is". The inability to do this is called alexithymia, and it often comes from growing up in an invalidating environment where your emotions are never recognized, acknowledged, or accommodated. I'm talking about stuff like "not being able to tell someone about your basic wants and needs"—something that is really hard when the least expression of emotion is seen as "weak" or "gay".

So when I say that Kent "hasn't grown" or is "immature", I mean that things went so bad at the Epikegster because these are skills he hasn't developed. When he spits out, "I miss you," it comes out like it's the absolute limit of what he's capable of saying. His entire sales pitch to Jack has been in terms of money, power, and dominance—You'll be on a great team; you'll earn lots of money; you'll be better than before. It's not until he's at the end of his rope that he admits to wanting Jack back because he misses him. And therefore he doesn't see why he's failing at persuasion; he doesn't realize that Jack has an emotional attachment to the Samwell players, that his priorities for joining a team aren't just about prestige and money.

Because here's the thing about toxic masculinity: there are the things Kent really feels and wants, and the things he is allowed to admit he feels and wants according to toxic masculinity.

Acceptable masculine interests according to toxic masculinity:

Money

Power

Violence

Dominance

Competition

Prestige

Sex

Unacceptable masculine interests according to this system:

Emotional intimacy

Intellectual curiosity

Artistic expression

Play

Authenticity

Personal fulfillment

Safety

According to the system, Kent was only allowed to want to be rich, famous, and successful. Those were the only things he could admit to without being lambasted in international press outlets, because hockey media is sooooo fucked up.

Jack's OD emotionally devastated Kent Parson—and he would have been pilloried for letting it show. In that moment, he wasn't expected to feel anything except humble, grateful, and happy. So that's how he acted. Being closeted is such a secondary concern here.

So in some ways "immature" is the wrong word because Kent is an incredibly mature public figure, polished and good at keeping his mouth shut; he's mastered the art of being what he's expected to be, at being what will let him succeed at his chosen profession. It's kind of like how PTSD is a disease, a dysfunctional set of behaviours, in a peaceful, prosperous society, but it's what keeps you alive in a warzone. It's why I don't counsel hockey bros as a chosen profession: I don't respect their athletic and professional achievements enough to work with them every day. I don't think it's worth winning a trophy if you were never home and ruined your marriage and failed to look after your children, and I'm not good at honouring a belief system that says it is worth it.

But I would define "maturity" as the ability to understand your own needs and fulfill them; to live your own reality and express it in a way that satisfies you.

The ways Jack "grew" were when he admitted that something was wrong and accepted convalescence and treatment instead of skating through the pain. When he got to know himself as an intellectual and artistic person as well as an athletic one. When he made space in his life for empathy and play. Because when you see NHL players being criticized on a personal level, what's it for? For having "big personalities", for being "unprofessional" and "unserious", for being "girly". For celebrating too much, dancing too freely, being political, intellectual, for questioning power hierarchies, and for putting their personal welfare ahead of their teams' success.

(Hockey players' compliance to power hierarchies is valued above all things, but that's a different rant)

Jack's moment of maturity wasn't kissing Bitty on the Stanley Cup ice; it was a year earlier, in his own room, when he understood how he felt and acted on it, and communicated it to Bitty, thereby achieving an emotional intimacy that was more important to him than hockey. In that same room, Kent struggled so badly to understand what he wanted and why, and to express it to somebody else, that he backfired in his intended aim, injured his friendship with Jack more deeply than ever, and hurt the person he wanted to express love for.

So the dichotomy of closeted/out is super new in the comic, and super new to analyses of Kent. A lot of what we've been talking about, and the theories we've evolved, have really not been based on 3.26.

And yes, like you, I'm really leery of letting that be a consistent part of the analysis. We don't know why Kent isn't out yet (my personal theory is that it was strategic) and I'm way more willing to say he's immature because of the way that interaction with Jack went to shit, than to say he's immature because he's doing the smart thing and surviving in a homophobic-as-fuck industry.

And, as always, a lot of my fic about Kent is about him developing those things his industry wants to punish him for having--why I write about him escaping to music festivals with queer pagan poets, respecting and supporting female athletes, caring for helpless animals, developing strong aesthetic tastes and artistic hobbies, finding spirituality, fighting back against his hierarchies, admitting his problems, or quitting to raise a baby. Because I want him to develop too. But I think the draft sent him to the desert in more ways than one, and it’s a struggle for him to thrive.

#stuff i wrote #kent parson #omgcp #coming out discourse

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thestoryof-officially · 5 years ago

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Day 301

Day 301 - This Old House: Write about an old house that is abandoned or being renovated.

I'm excited about this prompt! I'm thinking short story or poem. And it being so close to Halloween, it would be so much fun to write about a haunted house or an old cottage fabled to have belonged to a bunch of witches. Of course, it doesn't have to be Halloween related, or spooky, or about a creepy house. Maybe it's only been a month since the house has been abandoned, or it could be from the perspective of one driving by a house they used to live. How might you take off with this?

Entry below!

~~~

I held my flashlight up shakily and tiptoed ever closer to the front porch. My friends and I, being the stupid kids we were, decided that exploring the house earlier today was a good idea, and I lost my favourite hat when we were spooked and ran away.

It being near midnight now, none of my friends wanted to go back. It’s a school night, it’s cold, it’s spooky, we already thought we’d seen a ghost when we came in here the first time- I guess I can get why they wouldn’t wanna go back. But that was my *lucky* hat, they didn’t understand. I’ve had that hat longer than basically anything else I own and I swear on my soul it brings good luck.

As it is, I have a test tomorrow, and if I don’t get that hat back I’m definitely gonna flunk it.

So here I am, middle of the night, wind blowing in 40 degree weather, clutching my flashlight for dear life, and going into the creepy neighborhood house- or mansion, whatever it is- to get back an old hat. I must be losing my mind.

As I creep up the wooden steps, I can hear the old metal gate sway slightly in the wind behind me and create an eerie squealing sound through its hinges. A shiver travels down my spine as I reach a hand tentatively outward to grab the door knob and ignore the rusted gate’s complaints. The sounds of ghosts around me, I tell myself, are actually just the sounds that the wooden fence makes because of the wind. That must be it.

I twist the knob haltingly, its age making it difficult, then push the door open as gently and slowly as I can. My gut twists as I realise I’m going to see the inside of the front room and I kind of don’t want to. What if there’s someone already there? Maybe a vampire jumps out to suck my blood. Maybe a clown with a bloody mouth is standing stalk still and grinning at me when the door finishes creaking open. Suddenly I’m beginning to doubt my own disbelief in the boogie man.

To my immense relief, once the door is fully opened, there is no one there to greet me. Unfortunately that doesn’t change the fact that the room is almost completely dark, and the things that are illuminated in there are not particularly comforting to look at. I almost laugh as I imagine a storm rolling in and lightning flashing just in that moment. The trope of walking into a haunted house and then the room lighting up for a fraction of a second with lightning is sooooo overused.

Indeed it is a ‘dark and stormy night’, but it’s mostly just wind. The actual storm isn’t scheduled to roll in for like, four hours. I can handle that. Probably.

So I take a step into the room and swallow hard as I try not to imagine the door slamming shut behind me on its own. It doesn’t. I didn’t take any time to look around before, but this time I notice a lot more about this room. There’s a grandfather clock in the left corner, made of red-brown wood that’s highly polished but coated in dust. A wide hallway across from me grants view of half of a black grand piano in a very spacious room behind this one. There’s a fireplace here lined with vividly red bricks and adorned with shiny brass. There are shelves filled with small clocks and porcelain dolls. Now those are creepy.

I have to imagine that this was probably once a very charming and comfortable house. I mean, I dunno about anyone else, but if I had a room that big dedicated just to my piano, I’d be pretty enchanted. And the fireplace probably lit up the room with warm light and kept it cozy. The book shelves must have been filled with what would now be classical books instead of the ragged stacks of torn pages that sit there now. I’ll bet you a lot of those clocks and dolls are probably collectibles, maybe super valuable now or from an antiques shop.

I’m trying, I really am, but even as neat a home as this might have been way back when, I just can’t help but to see everything in this room and shudder. Those dolls’ glass eyes stare right through me and I swear, I swear, they’re watching me. The clocks are all in sync and most of them are even still working. If the grandfather clock and all the ones on the shelves go off, that is a sound I do NOT want to be here to experience, not alone in the middle of the night.

I shake my head to pull myself out of my thoughts and hold my flashlight out in front of me. If I remember right, it was actually by that same piano that I lost my hat. That’s where I can remember suddenly realizing my head was bare, anyhow. So I swallow again and nervously take a step forward. I can feel my arms and my back and my neck just covered with goosebumps, and not because it’s cold. The dark is so encompassing and it’s just completely unsettling. I feel like I’m being watched or followed, and even though I know I’m not it’s utterly terrifying anyway.

If I walk faster or run, I’m gonna freak out. If I keep my pace I’ll have to put up with this feeling for longer. If I say something or cry, that’s gonna freak me out too and make things all the worse. If I say and do nothing, it’ll force me to notice things and to hear all the sounds the wind is making. It doesn’t matter what I do at this point, anything and nothing both just make the situation freakier and it’s almost unbearable.

Half way down the hallway, I try to avoid the invading gazes of the people in the portraits on the wall. Keeping my head down, my insides jump when the image comes to life in my mind and I have to force myself into stiffness. I don’t want to turn around. I don’t want to know what the room in front of me looks like. I don’t want to look at the people. I don’t want to know what’s in the corners too dark for my flashlight to reach.

I hear something crash in the background and I yelp. A hand flies to my chest, my heart suddenly beating a million times a minute, and I nearly trip as I stumble to a near halt. I want to turn and see what it was that made the sound but I’m too scared to. It wasn’t the door. I know because I can still vaguely see moonlight shining in in the shape of the doorway. Something must have fallen over outside.

As if to verify my thoughts the wind picks up a bit and I can feel it rattle the house. The wind must have knocked something over. I know it. I know there’s nothing here to really be afraid of. I just-

I keep walking. One foot in front of the other. I focus on trying to keep my movements steady and my speed even and my expression fearless. If I make any kinds of movements or actions that would show me being afraid, I know my own anxiety would immediately make it worse for me. I just have to keep going.

I finally make it into the room, alarmed at how slowly I myself am walking. There, right by the piano’s bench, is my hat. I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding and chuckle nervously.

As I take in a shuddering breath and walk briskly to the piano’s bench, I catch a glimpse of the piano’s keys and realize that near half of them seem to be very discoloured. I wonder how out of tune the thing’s come to be after so many years, but I’m definitely not about to find out. Not me. Maybe another day. When it’s day time. When there’s light. When I’m not alone. ‘Please don’t play on your own’, I think, glancing at the piano.

I bend over and scoop up my hat, settling it and adjusting it on my head without missing a beat. My heart, however, does miss a beat as I temporarily lose view of the room, seeing nothing but the floorboards and the deep blackness that sits between them. There must be other rooms below here, and they’re definitely much darker than this one.

I remember the howling noises made by the wind through the fence outside and wonder for a moment if sounds like those once came from the basement. I almost jump back as I imagine mythical beasts and half undead zombies standing, waiting, under my feet, reaching long, bony, scaly hands out at me. I have got to get out of here.

A small whimpering sound escapes my lips as I turn around, scrunching my face uncomfortably. Everything about this place gives me the spooks and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so unsettled before. I can handle it. This is fine. I made it in, now all I have to do is make it back out and walk the block back to my house. The wind and the cold and the dark neighborhood streets don’t seem quite as scary anymore, and my dark, sleepy house suddenly is not only not creepy but quite inviting. The sooner I get home, the better, I think.

So I make my way back through the hallway. I’m struggling a little more this time to keep my pace steady and feel myself speeding up slowly. I’m avoiding making eye contact with the people in the photos again, and somehow that almost makes them feel more alive, like I can just feel their eyes trailing after me and watching my every move. Are they secretly hoping I’ll step onto a loose floorboard and fall through to the unspeakable creatures lurking beneath my feet? Are they going to walk out of their portraits and come to life?

I quicken my pace again, and have to refrain from breaking into a run. That’ll make it worse, that’ll make it worse, that’ll make it worse, I tell myself. The photos are nothing more than photos. The piano will remain silent. The dolls in the living room are not haunted. The fireplace is empty. The shadows hide nothing treacherous. The clocks are perfectly innocent.

It doesn’t stop my heart rate from picking up or my guts from twisting into knots or my breathing from becoming laboured and heavy. Whatever lies underneath my feet feels somehow evil, and it’s like a magnet on me; it’s making me heavier and pulling me down and slowing me down and making it impossible to get to the doorway because the hallway becomes longer with every step-

I have to put a hand to my chest, as if that’ll relax my lungs and heart. My feet are dragging themselves now and I’m not entirely sure I have any control over them because I’m too busy focusing on the raised hairs on the back of my neck and the cold sweat rolling down my back. I scrunch my nose uncomfortably and ignore the way my imagination brings the darkest spots to life. The shadows and the cracks of black between the boards I step on are contorting into clawed hands and monster faces and I swear I can feel breath on the back of my neck- it’s the wind, I know it’s the wind, and I know that it can’t be anything else-

I realize quite abruptly that I’ve made it outside. I’m standing on the porch, where the wind blows stronger than when I came in to begin with. I can see storm clouds rolling in at a distance and I feel very exposed in the waning moonlight, my breath coming and going in quick, heavy bursts. So I turn around. The door is still open and the clocks and other items stand empty and innocently inside the front room.

Laughing nervously, and then more heartily when I finally register that I’m in the clear and totally not being haunted, I lean forward and grab the door’s handle so I can close it and leave, to never, ever, EVER, return. Lucky cap back on my head and door closed at last, I slowly turn around and hesitantly step down the first of the porch stairs. Heh. The old gate is still swinging back and forth in the wind and squealing.

I have to admit, as an overly curious clutz with no current aim in life, this old house in and of itself would probably be really interesting to learn about and explore under non-creepy circumstances, but in the moment I just can’t get away fast enough.

Maybe I’ll come back one day. Maybe. We’ll see.

~~~

I had a lot of fun with this one, I'm telling you. Initially I was caught between trying to do something like a poem that read like a song, or a short story. In the end, I quite obviously leaned closer to a short story, giving a bit of a narrative to the illogical fear we feel when we have to go anywhere alone in the dark. Do you think I captured that feel of paranoia and unease alright? I know several people who could probably do so as well as or better than me, for sure. There was a lot to play with in this one, too much for me not to have a little fun.

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aurimeanswind · 7 years ago

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VIDEO GAMES—Sunday Chats (10-29-17)

There are a lot of video games, and I haven’t done questions in a minute, so those too. Let’s get to it!

ExtraLife 2017

I wanted to throw a PSA in here that Irrational Passions, my “conglomerate” is throwing together our big special ExtraLife show for 2017 on November 11th, starting at 12pm Eastern Time, and we’ll be playing video games and live streaming them for 24 hours from then. It’ll be live over on twitch.tv/IrrationalPassions and myself and Roger Pokorny threw together a little announcement video, since a TON of guests will be there with us! You should check it out!

youtube

That’s really it for stuff I wanted to get out of the way, not games and questions!

What’s on Tap

Two things, that are not games, that I want to mention.

Stranger Things Season 2 is out now on Netflix and I have watched all nine episodes of it. It’s very excellent, and you should take the time to watch the series. It’s fun, and funny, and tense, and has a lot of great relationships between characters.

And actually, above all the amazing things to come out this week in the media world, my favorite, hands down is the new cover album from Ninja Sex Party, featuring Tupperware Remix Party (TWRP). It’s called Under the Covers Vol 2 and it’s legitimately incredible. Easily my album of the year, and I’m listening to it right now while writing this. Dan Avidan’s voice is perfect.

That is all on that front.

The Evil Within 2

So I finished The Evil Within 2! It’s great, very fun, very well made, very polished, and has some excellent mechanics.

I think the weakest aspect of the game really is the story, and specifically in that the performances of the characters. There is just not any one really well done character save for the two major villains of the game.

I actually rolled right into New Game Plus right after finishing it too, and that’s been fun since you just get so much extra points and parts to upgrade your guns and abilities, so you turn into a powerhouse pretty quickly.

It reminds me a lot of Dead Space 2 weirdly enough, just not quite as excellent. Regardless, it’s still a really excellent game and worth a look, especially if you at all liked the first.

Super Mario Odyssey

Joy.

This game is just purely joyous, and unabashedly so. It just takes delight in its own mechanics and creativity.

It’s just a massive breath of fresh air, in a similar way to how Zelda was, but in a totally different way as well.

Nintendo has laid out some stellar stuff this year, and Mario is no exception. While Mario has never held the same special place as Nintendo’s other properties for me, this one channels all the best parts of Mario and his lineage and brings that glee to light. It’s excellent, and I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that.

Questions!

Look for my Tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats that I shoot out Sunday afternoons. Respond with your question, and I’ll answer it here on Sunday Chats!

Okay, but I mean is this—

Um... Okay. Yeah dude. You do you. Glad you got a Switch and the Mario and stuff...

But really, a lot of playing Mario for me has been falling back in love with the Nintendo Switch as a platform. I’m curious what you think of it Logan! Glad you seem to be enjoying yourself!

No. For sure not. I also didn’t really love their E3 showing, so who knows. I think Sony is gonna have some cool stuff to show, but I think the “Second half of E3″, if that is gonna be anywhere outside of E3, is going to be at PSX, especially after The Last of Us 2 drop last year. With Uncharted fully done now, we know Naughty Dog is likely all hands on deck with Last of Us Part 2. I cannot wait, with that in mind, even though it’s likely still 2019. But I think PSX will see the reveal of Sucker Punch’s next game, so I don’t know what that leaves for Paris Games week.

This is a great question! It’s hard to pin down, and I’m honored to say some of my favorite things I’ve read this year have been on IrrationalPassions.com. But outside of that, I wanna give a shoutout to Jason Schreier’s unveil of what went on with EA and Visceral, from this very week.

It’ll be in the Checklist section, but it’s kind of the first of these big exposés I’ve sat down and read all the way through in one sitting, and it was phenomenal. It really opened my eyes to the different kinds of struggles that studios can run into that I had no perception of at all. It’s a fantastic read, and an even better story.

I mean, yes. And no.

Taking into account that I know you, and I know you don’t really like 3D games and games of that ilk, of course, yeah I get it. Taking those big ones out, games like SteamWorld Dig 2, Stardew Valley, HiveSwap, Shantae, and more can’t carry a year like the heavy hitters in the 3D space. But I think you have to take that step back and look at the wider "games” as a whole.

To use me as an example, I don’t like Wolfenstein nor do I plan on playing the new one, or Battlefront 2, or Call of Duty World War 2, those are the big games that don’t click with me, but that doesn't mean those games can’t be incredible, and just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean they’re not great or incredible, but my appreciation of them will be different. But that’s my critic’s perspective.

I think that’s okay, but I’d encourage you to keep trying those games you typically don’t like and search for something in them that you can find and enjoy. I’ll try the betas for Battlefront 2 and CoDWW2 and try and try and look for something I like even if I can’t find it, because I’d rather waste my time looking for the good then take the easy road of assuming the bad.

But eh. That’s just me being a goody two shoes as always.

Yeah, it does! I would love to see that extend out to Bandai Namco! Getting games like Dark Souls, and the upcoming Code Vein on Switch would be excellent. But more over, I think they’d be shrewd, and quiet, like the Bethesda team up. Bandai Namco isn’t the biggest publisher, not even top three, but it covers another niche of games that Nintendo can draw to its platform. Those kinds of players maybe are to chopped on what system they play on, just how enjoyable that experience is. Going the obscure route has worked so well for them, and I think this could work to.

Plus I really want a Dark Souls remaster/re-release with some new features/better frame rate, and it being on Switch may be even better.

Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Samus Aran.

We’d have tea and crumpets, and discuss cute color combinations and space ships, because I think all four of us would have some broad, sweeping opinions on all of the above.

Another good one, a bit more serious, is Nathan Drake, Marcus Fenix, and... Well, Samus Aran again.

Can I just have a date dinner with Samus Aran?

It’s been crazy weird dude. I wish the world wasn’t in as rough shape as it was :/

Uhg.

Fuck.

This is a great question Miranda, but god fuck all of this.

Okay.

A wolf.

And hear me out, because the wolf would probably kill me a lot slower.

But the same shit with Octopi that is with spiders, which I hate. Octopi got too many legs, and I just don’t wanna fuck with it. And it’d be all slimy. And I know both would ultimately kill me, because Octopi do NOT fuck around, but I can like, imagine the Wolf is a cute fucking doggo and be slightly less sad about it.

Also like, then I’d get to see a wolf, which I’ve always wanted to see, and I never want to see the sea-spider for as long as I live.

He is a v. v. handsome boy Cameron and you should be proud.

I’d say at least two customs, and one robo.

Because I know me.

I’m not selfish.

Save some Robot for the other kids.

I think it’s definitely up there. I love it for sure. I love that it’s doing something different on Netflix, and blending this weird nostalgia and referential material into a really cohesive and well made original thing with its own ideas and things to say.

And these latest season has a ton of Ghostbusters so I’m a fan.

This is so rad! For folks curious, here is the referenced article:

https://www.polygon.com/2017/10/28/16563612/destiny-2-deaf-clan-leviaithan-raid-calus

I just love this shit. I hadn’t seen it, but it shows the tenacity and ingenuity of players from all walks of life. What I’d really like to see, and it’d be hard to set up, but having all six players on six screens in the same room so the Shadow Realm folks didn’t need to say anything, and the ones outside could just look and know. It’d be super rad, and we may be able to do this at ExtraLife, but we’ll see.

I love making new and original solutions to problems, and just like I said with the whole jargon-discussion when we played the raid, this is this team making their own jargon for the raid.

The Checklist

The Collapse of Visceral’s Ambitious Star Wars Game - Jason Schreier - Kotaku - https://kotaku.com/the-collapse-of-viscerals-ambitious-star-wars-game-1819916152

This is the first one of these I’ve actually really read, at least since Klepek’s last one I would have read. And it was fascinating. I have so many thoughts and feelings on this piece, and I know Schreier has a book out about them, and did one for Mass Effect earlier this year, but this is the first one I’ve ever really sat down and read. And it’s phenomenal. And eye opening.

Orc Slavery Made me Quit Shadow of War - Matthew Gault - Motherboard - https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bjve9q/middle-earth-shadow-of-war-orc-slavery-lord-of-the-rings

This is so, so, sooooo good. I haven’t really read anything on Motherboard before, but being a close sibling to Waypoint, which has skyrocketed to my favorite video game site on the internet this week, I will tune in more after this. Shoutout to OK Beast Podcast episode 65 for bringing this up and reading an excerpt from this. It really hooked me.

Inside the Sexual Misconduct Allegations Rocking NEOGaf - Patrick Klepek - Waypoint - https://waypoint.vice.com/en_us/article/qv384d/inside-the-sexual-misconduct-allegations-rocking-neogafs-last-48-hoursd

This is a weird story for sure. And I wish i could talk to Patrick about it. It’s invasive, but it’s also incredibly well reported, and I think clears up a lot of the misconceptions in the situation. There are no biases in Patrick’s writing. It’s really excellent, and help me get a grasp of what went on on Gaf. And I appreciate it.

Whew, good to get in the swing of things again. I’ll say, we are two weeks out from ExtraLife, and I am going to assume there will not be a Sunday Chats that day. Sorry in advance, but I will try to get my “Alex-Asks-A-Question” style Sunday Chats done like normal next week.

But it’s been a fucking crazy month, and I am so happy to see all the hard work I put in this month come to fruition, and the next big thing is that ExtraLife extravaganza. I hope to see you all watching.

But until then

keep it real.

#video games #super mario odyssey #gaming

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