#its not his fault im in a lot of pain (also not his fault) and generally in a bad mood today and its hot im irritable im on my period etc

[traumagenica]

i love my husband i love him so fucking much but if he comes in here and interrupts my alone time again i might have to maul him

[understandableparadox]

a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 163 spoilers and thoughts that are making me procrastinate on like all of my work but its totally fine below the cut

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i am so serious i was completely tricked into thinking this would just be a light episode with some ominous foreshadowing but still some answers for how to defeat fate. i thought we'd be in silly haha territory now and that soon we'd reach the end and everything would be wonderful now and they can finally have what they want. I WAS PROVEN WRONG

YOU. YOU TRICKED ME FROM THE GETGO BY SETTING THE MOOD OF THE EP TO BE SILLY OFF THE BAT. YOUR STUPID CUTE HAIR BEING MESSY WHEN U WAKE UP AND THOSE SILLY ASS D*SNEY ANIMALS. YOU YOU YOU YOU RAPHAEL YOU FOOLED ME

it's super cute and funny that his singing and his general demeanor is so fairytale esque that animals and people just love him even though he tried to destroy what they were working on . he looks adorable with messy hair. i wanna see it more. cute and blond. but also. FUCK YOU

like we went from that to this and i was like "oh my god they're gonna have a bonding moment" and i was so so happy i just,, i really thought,,,,

like he looks so pretty here!! and then javier says something so sweet and so javier-brand of affectionate and they're being funny about it and it's so cute and they're all smiley afterward in the reflections of the water so its like "awww stupid fucking idiots being happy at each other without even really knowing it i love them so much" AND THEN.

STUPID FUCKING OMINOUS REFLECTION GOT ME ALL WORRIED. BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF RAPHIE AT THE START AND WENT "nahhh thats just. yknow. the normal foreshadowing at something bigger. they haven't even gotten answers yet. it's fine" oh lynn. oh girl you had no idea.

like they're so close to the truth cmon they wouldnt dump what they need to do to stop fate AND whats going on w javier at the same time right? ha. ha. ha.

ominous panels aside POOR LLOYD,,, OF ALL THE SECRETS HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN,,, he had no idea its not fair </3 we got blushy lloyd as a result i love this panel btw he's very very cute. super duper bug of him. i really like that the artist has been drawing the two of them at this angle a lot recently they look so stupid i like it a lot

ALSO JAVIER DO YOU. HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY. WHY DID HE ASK THAT I. JAVIER U CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE HOW DEE- WHAT THE FUCK

and then we got hit w javier being worried and i was like "man me too buddy, im worried too but im sure itll be oka-"

DEATH FLAG. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT LLOYD OH GOD. i read this and my worry that was briefly washed away IMMEDIATELY came back . tged is very good at giving me tonal whiplash. i dont think thats a bad thing but also its not good for my health either so. /lh

AND THEN WE GOT HIT WITH THE JEWEL OF TRUTH SECTION AND. AAAAHHH AAAAAAAAHHH the darkness that lloyd is in, he's all alone when he hears this god i . oh god i have so much to say okay

it's kind of hard to go shot by shot with this section because all my thoughts are overlapping with each other but ill try my best???

he's immediately pushed into communication between just him and the jewel and shrouded in a very very isolating darkness. there's so so so much empty space and all my yapping about how much lloyd has been isolating himself for the sake of finally protecting his loved ones kind of comes to a head here. and then we hear the truth...

lloyd is a BUG. the fact that he EXISTS is a problem that has been the catalyst of all the pain and work that he and javier have had to go through, so so early in the story. he's essentially being told that its HIS fault fate is threatening their lives. AND WOW THAT HURTS. how do you cope with being told that?? how do you manage that???

and on TOP of it all, in order to fix it, he has to choose. rid the world of this bug, or let the bug take over. THAT'S SO EVIL

the only way to protect his loved ones is to forfeit his protection over them, giving up his life. and yet the only way for him to continue being there to protect them is to lose the life of the one he absolutely loves most, javier. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT

the moment he hears this he falls to his knees. im so fucking ill IM SICK . THIS IS SICK AND TWISTED!!!!!!!!!!!

some more thoughts on the language and just. inherent despair of this section:

i think the choice of calling lloyd a bug is so so so heartwrenching. i don't know if it's an intentional thing by the writer/adapter or if it's just something they defaulted to since the world is considered a system, but either way it makes me so damn emotional

i'm a computer engineer, so i take some computer science classes too as part of my major, and one of those fun facts that you learn in those classes is that debugging/bugs became common terminology in compsci for a very silly reason. "bugs" as a word to describe error and defects had been present before, but it became conflated with programming due to a team of programmers actually finding a moth, a true to life Bug, interfering with their computer and thus messing with their program.

see, the JoT could have called lloyd anything. an error, a mistake, a problem, hell even a glitch would have worked. but they specifically said bug (and again whether or not thats intentional is up for debate but i will treat it like it is)

and the thing about bugs, the thing that haunts me now, is that without them the rest of the program (theoretically) works fine. if that moth hadnt entered the computer of those programmers, then their code would have been operating smoothly. the system would be chugging along well.

the knight of blood and iron would be functioning just fine.

yeah it'd be sad, yeah javier would have lost everyone, but it would have gone exactly as the program was written. the memory allocated for the class lloyd_frontera would be freed, and the story wouldn't have had to call on it, ever. but lloyd, the bug, the moth, stuck around. errors ensue.

and often, bugs are HUMAN error. it's a problem in a human design, not a natural glitch or mistake. the moth wouldn't have been able to enter that computer if it was built differently. bugs do not appear naturally. and they do not go away until you go back to where the bug appears and FIX IT. lloyd cannot fix the story, he can NEVER achieve the happy ending he's always wanted, because the program will always be bugged because of HIM.

suddenly too, all the little changes that have happened in the story thus far make so much sense. all of those events happening EARLIER than they should have completely tracks.

the choices lloyd made - to defeat neumann, defeat lacona, go to cremo, go to the capital - pushed javier's presence ahead, and i know that's like really really obvious, but coupled with this bug analogy i feel insane because

something that's very common in programming in general are function calls, where on the side you have the function written out all complete, and in your main code you can just say the name of the function. when it compiles, itll know what to refer to when it sees the name in your main code.

something else thats very common is conditionals! y'know, your classic "if (comparison here) then do (this thing here) else (do this thing here)", you might have seen this before (or not, im not sure how well versed tged tumblr is on programming which is why im explaining this)

and u think back to javier being there EARLY and oh. ooohh....

if (javier.location == magentano.event_location(banquet)) {

kyle_betrayal(alicia);

}

this function, this betrayal, was called early. THIS WAS CALLED EARLY because a certain character object, lloyd frontera, changed the state of javier's location way sooner than it should have happened. a bug. a bug. a bug. a bug made the code jump to this conditional. he's been a bug this whole time

and you think to when the glitches on javier first started appearing and oh. oooohhh. the object referred to as javier, disabled the "protagonist" variable on him and passed it onto lloyd. but that won't do, because all these functions for the ENTIRE STORY rely on javier's class object. how can it call on lloyd instead? lloyd should have been freed, aka the memory storing his little array of data, should have been REMOVED. CAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE

theres more examples of this throughout the whole story that maybe ill list another day (as much as im yapping about it, its really not that hard/deep on figuring out where things were called early lol) but yeah yeah yeah. yeah this is so so evil and i cant believe i didnt put two and two together earlier. this analogy is SO EVIL WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME

apologies for the jargon btw. i have no idea if i explained this right or if anyone else really knows what im talking about but i've been losing it over this for the entire weekend ALKDFJLSDKF

WHATS WORSE IS THAT IVE BEEN CALLING LLOYD A BUG FOR LIKE. ACTUAL MONTHS. I WOULD REFER TO HIM AS A CREATURE AND AS A LITTLE ITTY BITTY BUG AND NOW I FEEL SO SO TERRIBLE BECAUSE HE REALLY WAS A BUG. I MADE A SHITPOST AND EVERYTHING (that ill prolly post later) THAT I HAD NO IDEA WOULD. AGE POORLY SOB SOB SOB

I AM SO SO SORRY LLOYD. I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniffle,,, sob,,, anyway,,, thats enough yapping about bugs and programming and lloyd being a bug,,, back to the anguish

the following section is just. god ow ow OW. the shaking linework, the shadows setting in at the top with the dramatic bottom lighting, and the blur on javier as he loses focus and starts truly, truly panicking makes me INSANE. artist you're making me CRAZY!!!

javier truly has no idea either but god dammit he's trying his best to help, but how can lloyd explain this to the man whos completely and utterly loyal to him to the point of sincere devotion? if lloyd tells him, whos to say that javier - the martyr that he is - won't just give up his life for him? god that's so... GOD. GOD GOD GOD WHY AGHHH

AND AGGHHH AGGGHHHH THE FLASHBACKS TO THE P PANELS OF SUHO WORKING SO SO HARD TO REACH THE LIGHT. GOD FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK

ITS DIMMER ITS HARDER TO REACH AND OH MY GOD THE PANEL OF LLOYD REACHING UP EVEN IN HIS PANIC TOWARDS HOPE. THE THOUGHT THAT "ITLL GET BETTER ONE DAY" COMFORTED HIM AND KEPT HIM ALIVE BUT NOW ITS BEING RIPPED FROM HIM I FEEL ILL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL

this panel of that light going out . not much words on this i just feel sick to my stomach. why would u do that.

and finally at the end of the chapter we have this incredibly HAUNTING panel of lloyd panicking. the despair here is UNREAL. the lineart is shaken and messy and scribbly, and the focus on his face and his hand gives the panel a very claustrophobic and hard-to-breathe feel and it makes mE SICK!!! IT MAKES ME SICK!!! SICK AND TWISTED!!!! JEWEL OF TRUTH I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

anyway that's all my thoughts for right now . i really really hope they figure out a loophole or something . if they dont im actually gonna keel over and die /j not literally but yknow what i mean

SICK AND TWISTED!!! is my final word on this ep

thanks for joining me in hell ill see yall next week salute emoji

[paiges-1vur]

Can I request Paige getting drugged (like at a bar) and Azzi notices and takes care of her. Only if you are comfortable writing that ofc. I just love the angst and Azzi taking care of Paige. If this prompt is too much maybe Paige getting into a fight defending someone and Azzi taking care of her black eye or something. Thank you so much!

black and blue… as always enjoy loves <3 *please read disclaimer at the end*

she spits on the ground. thankfully no teeth come out when she does, but theres definitely blood. azzi had been inside starbucks getting her morning coffee, per usual, when paige got into trouble. apparently while azzi was inside, someone saw and recognized paige and started to verbally assault her. although she was used to getting snide comments, this was different. the man, who appeared to be in his mid thirties came up to paige and pushed her, when she wouldn’t react to his homophobic remarks. clearly he was just trying to get a rise out of her… and in the end he did. it costed paige a punch to the jaw, and another to the face but she inevitably won the fight after she punched him in the stomach and then tripped him on his ass.

she groaned, holding her jaw where the took the blow as the man crawled to his feet and ran away, ashamed. azzi came running out of the starbucks to see paige outside of the car, leaning her forehead against the door of the drivers seat. “paige! what the fuck, what happened!” paige didnt answer but instead continued to hold her probably broken jaw and walk back and forth, her head thrown back in pain.

“paige. explain what the fuck just happened! your making me worried! what happened to your jaw?” she asked and demanded in confusion, trying not to get upset with paiges lack of communication. paige leans over on her knees. she spits on the ground. thankfully no teeth come out when she does, but theres definitely blood. she finally looks the girl in the eyes. “oh my- paige! your face is getting swollen, did you get into a fight? who hurt you?” paige looked at the girl. taking a deep breath she responds nonchalantly, “a stupid fucking guy was being homophobic and fucking tried to fight me because i was ignoring him.” she curses. “paige.. i dont even know what to say… please, just get in the car. we are going straight home and im going to take a look at you..” the brunette says trying her best to keep her cool. azzi was a pretty easygoing person and it took a lot for her to get visibly upset. of course she was concerned for paige, but she also couldn’t be mad at her. truthfully it wasn’t her fault. she swallows guiding the blonde to the passengers seat of the car to take her back to her apartment.

~~~

paige sits on top of the kitchen counter, waiting for azzi to come look at her. the brunette grabs an ice pack from the freezer and steps between the blondes legs, holding it up to her eye. “just.. hold this here baby. and, im not mad im just worried. i wish i could have been there to do something…” she says feeling guilty that this happened. paige smiles at azzi. “baby, its okay i handled it.” she pauses looking azzi in the eyes. “im just glad it was me and not you.” she says planting a kiss on the younger girls forehead. azzi smiles at paige, grabbing a wet washcloth to help fix her up. “you have… blood all over your face baby.” she says giggling slightly at how cute paige was, even when bloody and bruised. she wiped the blood off from around her lips and mouth before realizing her nose was also bleeding. she took care of paiges nose bleed, which was thankfully mild. after shes finally done cleaning her up she sighs, looking up at the girl. “i love you so much baby. thank you for fighting for us. literally.” paige smirked down at her. “of course love, and i bet i look pretty badass all beat up like this huh? like ralph macchio in karate kid. black eyes can be sexy” she says. the younger girl looks up at the older, “yea, you do look pretty sexy, and your always badass paige.” she pats her leg, “now i think your fine, thank god your jaw is still functioning, but i think we should call geno…” paige lets out a chuckle. “uh oh.. time for the big guns.. i wonder what lecture im going to get now..” she says rolling her eyes as azzi calls geno to alert him about paiges injuries.

hi guys! first off i hope you enjoyed this little bit, but i wanted to talk about something serious for a moment.

of course my page is a safe place for everyone but i just wanted to address a little bit of what this req was speaking about! i have no problem with writing about mature and serious topics. if anything i feel like fics that do include more mature situations would be the best for me, and my real life experiences. i have personally had a friend get laced, and seeing her severity and watch her almost pass away, was a very scary and serious situation. this specific req didnt make me uncomfortable to write because of that situation, but of course im here to write for you guys, so please let me know what you want to see from me. if you guys are okay with me writing about these topics, then im totally okay with it! everything is for your guys enjoyment and pleasure. so please let me know how you all feel, before i write about more mature topics.

[pokemon-ash-aus]

Your Dead AU gives me brain rot. I dunno if this was asked yet or not, but I wanted to know your thoughts on Ash’s other rivals finding out about his status as deceased. Hypothetical what-it’s if you don’t honestly see them finding out for one reason or another in canon to the AU, but I’m curious as to your thoughts on how they’d find out.

I guess I should better specify Barry, Paul, Trip, and Alain, how they’d react to Ash’s being dead?

OKAY!;

Barry doesn't believe it at all. Even when given hard definitive truth, he's under the assumption that all of this? All this deadness? It's just a cruel prank that needs to be fined for!

Paul... I imagine Paul is the one to outright calling him pathetic for dying so soon. It's both malicious in intent and not.

He wants to call Ash Pathetic, he wants to make him hurt and make him feel inferior. He wants to revel that Ash will never succeed with the methods he's going by.

But Paul isnt a cruel person by nature. The moment he says it, he's filled wih so much dread and disgust. He just called a dead person pathetic for... For DYING, nothing on his actions or movements. He's just pathetic for dying.

He avoids Ash for awhile after that. Even when Ash instigates. It's just that much level of disgust with himself. Eventually he does apologize. I can see it being at the league. When he walks up to Ash after loosing their battle and apologizes without any eyes or ears around. He's not good at it.

"That really hurt me." Ash grimaces. "Ive never been called Pathetic for Dying..."

"Im sorry you felt that way." Paul tries. "I didnt mean to say it the way i did."

Its a lot of awkward dancing before Ash realizes Paul is really Socially inept and has to clarify. It's a shitty apology for a Shitty action, but Paul is absolutely trying and Ash cannot fault him for that.

Trip. See my bias shows here because I absolutely believe Trip is 100% an asshole Racist.

But would Trip insult Ash's dead status? I think so. I think he'd sprinkle it in with all his other racists remarks. Never outright outing him, but also never letting him forget that Trip KNOWS.

And fuck if that doesnt wear Ash down. And When Iris and Cilan find out, they back Ash up without a thought but it doesnt erase how much Trip taunts how Ash died. Doesnt erase that Trip continuously makes snide remarks about it.

I think this is the one and only time Ash truly uses his own abilities and powers to make Trip HURT.

And it doesnt even give him any satisfaction! Cause Trip had successfully made him feel disgusted by his own dead status. Something mind you, he had been over for fucking YEARS, by that point!

So yeah I think Trip is the worst one and my bias will not falter.

Alain. I imagine he finds out at the BRINK of Ash getting mind controlled. And he's fucking horrified. He truly does believe that He led Ash to his death and then his partner Pikachu as well.

Just fully goes into Shock after everything calms down.

He killed someone he considered a friend.

He killed them.

And Even through soft reassurances from everyone else, it weighs so heavily on his mind. It takes Ash slapping him for him to come back to a reality where he can actually understand what their saying.

And Then Ash explains it all, how he died, how long its been, and NO Alain did not kill him, but the backstabbing was painful as shit and that would take time for Ash to get over.

Alain both believes it and doesnt, but he's still horrified his friend is fucking DEAD.

[pacifymebby]

Pesky Blinders with a wounded reader. Maybe she was shot or several ribs were broken? How would the boys take care of her?

I’m a fan of your creativity

I loved this idea and i guess i got carried away cause they're long and its like not just the taking care of you but the whole scenario. I hope you like them my lovely ❤️

Just a wee warning, mention of attemtped rape and SA in Bonnie and Isaiah's but the rest are just the usual expected violence.

Tommy

🌿 Before its confirmed what happened to you he knows it was his fault, knows its Peaky Business leaking into his home life again, leaking into your life like a black rot spreading

🌿 He blames himself, naturally...

🌿 Youre lying on your back still as the dead and just as pale, your ribs are blue and bruised, internal bleeding... It won't kill you but it will be a slow and painful recovery. Every breath will be agony. And its his fault.

🌿 Sits by your bedside with you, suffering, being cruel to himself because he feels guilty. His brothers have promised to go after the men that did this to you but Tommy feels torn.

🌿 It should be him who kills them, him who makes them suffer for what they've done to his angelic girl.

🌿 Holds your hand clasps between his two much bigger hands, watching you intently, says little prayers.

🌿 When youre awake he talks to you soft and gentle, tries to sooth you back to sleep because although hes lonely and wants to hear your sweet voice, he knows sleep is what you need and what will take the pain away.

🌿 Argues with your doctors when you're slow to heal, gets pissed off, loses his temper, has to be calmed by Polly and his brothers.

🌿 Makes you promises, "The men that did this to you will not live, they will not be forgiven, i will not show them mercy,"

🌿 Also promises you this is never going to happen to you again, promises you he's going to protect you, apologises over and over for not being there.

🌿 "i should have fuckin been there, im so sorry angel, i should have fuckin been there..."

🌿 Gets up and paces around the room, trying to make plans, trying to fuckin think straight but its impossible when his darling girl is lying beaten and suffering in a hospital bed.

🌿 When he finally gets to tske you home no one else is allowed to touch you, he is the one who carries you to the car, he is the one who drives the car so he can make sure he goes slowly, no bumps or sharp corners, nothing that could hurt you.

🌿 He has the fire made up in your room, your bed made up too, lots of cushions, your favourite blanket. He makes you tea and helps you drink it.

🌿 He is by your bedside most of the time.

🌿 But one day when you are sleeping he does slip away, his brothers have phoned, they have the men who did this to you and they want to know what to do.

🌿 He tells them to wait for him, drives out to meet them, his mind racing with the things he could do to take revenge on your behalf.

🌿 He beats them, kicks and stamps on them, breaks their ribs and then leaves his brothers to finish them off. He's taken his anger out on them, beaten them near to death, doesnt need to know what happens to them after that.

🌿When he returns to you you're awake and smiling and the sight of you softens him, melts the last of his anger away. You've been lonely, you want him to lie with you awhile, youre bored, you want to know how the horses are, what its like outside...

🌿 So he makes sure youre comfortable, lies down beside you and lets you rest your head on his chest, he holds you in his arms and kisses your temple and he tells you all the things you want to know.

🌿 You get scared sometimes, you get worried that it will happen again, you have nightmares, terrible nightmares and you wake in the night crying. But Tommy is always there for you, holding you, kissing your hair and soothing you.

🌿 Sometimes he'll sing to you to bring you back to reality.

🌿 He reassures you, he'll never let it happen again, you'll always be safe.

🌿 "Won't let anything happen to you angel, from now on you'll always be safe, there'll be men watching you, protecting you at all times..." "Don't want strange men watching me Tommy," the thought of that just scares you more, "Alright love, alright angel don't think about it now eh, right now its just you and me alright, you and me tucked up in our bed and we're both safe and sound. I've got you, youre safe and sound."

🌿Gets you a guard dog, maybe several, you adore them and think they're so very cute, but theyre also almost as big as you and will fiercely defend you. You look intimidating walking down the street with your three hounds at your side.

🌿He also gets you a gun, tells you he hopes you never have to use it but teaches you all the same.

🌿For the most part he will want to keep you shut up inside nice and safe and warm, resting. He insists you get a lot of rest. However when you inevitably get stroppy about being held "captive" he'll relent and take you down to the gardens, he'll make a blanket up with pillows and an extra blanlet to keep you warm and he'll carry you down, let you lie with your head in his lap.

🌿Will take grapes and other sweet things for you to eat and he'll feed them to you as you sit with him on the lawn.

🌿He won't let the kids near you until you insist that he stops being ridiculous, they judt want tp hug you and kiss you better. So finally he lets them come to sit and lie with you too and they read to you and sing you songs to help you get better and make you happy.

Alfie

🐻 He's surprised actually, that it isn't business thats wound up getting you... It was a car on Camden High Road, speeding down the street, fuckin idiot driver snowed up to hight heaven...

🐻 You're actually lucky to be alive, if it wasnt for Ishmael tackling you out of the way you'd have been dragged under the wheels and killed. As it happens his somewhat heavy handed and clumsy manoeuvre did actually save your life. Which alfie is naturally, very grateful for

🐻 Its just unfortunate that when you landed and tumbled into a market stall, fucking Ishmael didn't do a very good job at shielding you from the fall.

🐻 So youve several injuries, the worst is a bloody nose and chin from when you hit the floor, but if youre being honest - and Alfie makes sure youre being honest with him - everything hurts. Your whole body aches

🐻 And then theres the shock, you can't stop shaking, youre trembling all over and youve gone so cold.

🐻 "Oh my, what a mess theyve made of you ziskeit, well its alright, your Alfies got you now yeah, I'll look after you flower, gonna take good care of you don't you worry my darlin, don't you worry..." he's so gentle with you, holds you very carefully so as not to hurt you where youre bruised.

🐻 Runs you a warm bath to bring your tempreture back up, sits you on the side of the tub and undresses you very carefully. His big hands may be gruff and calloused but theyre gentle and careful and when he touches your bruises, palms your ribs to feel for any major damage, he is so careful not to hurt you.

🐻 Hes relieved youre not too hurt, don't need to go to hospital where he wont be able to look after you himself.

🐻 He helps you into the tub, washes you gently, cleans your blood from your face and talks to you the whole time, telling you little stories, talking to you about operas and the like anything to distract you from the pain youre in.

🐻 Then when hes finished and hes satisfied that youre washed and warm, he helps you get dry, wraps you in towels and delicately pats you down. He puts you in one of his loose cotton shirts, it'll keep you warmer than your delicate little slip and it'll be comfier too.

🐻 Then he helps you into your bed, props you up on some pillows and makes sure youre completely comfortable.

🐻 Dresses the wound on your chin and patches it up nice and carefully, although his fingers arent as nimble as yours so its a little messier than the ones you do for him.

🐻 "Now then ziskeit, what you need now right, is some tender, loving, care, and also some rum right, just a little bit to take the edge off... For the shock too, yeah it'll warm you through and see you right as rain, you wait here little one, Alfie'll get us some rum, that'll see you right..."

🐻 Definitely the type to make you soup, he bakes you a special loaf of bread to go with it. Feeds you even though you don't really need feeding. Hes just using the excuse to spoil you.

🐻 When the wound on your chin scars youre afraid he won't find you pretty anymore, that it makes you ugly...

🐻 "What that? Let me get this straight yeah little one... You yeah - my gorgeous, angel of a girl, little ziskeit, banished from heaven for being too fuckin perfect yeah - you, think that that there, that little scar there, is gonna make me think twice about loving the very bones of you, that's what you think? I reckon i need to check that pretty little head of yours for anymore bumps i do sweetheart, you must be going doolally..."

🐻 Kisses your scars, tells you theyre exquisite.

🐻 Will not let you do anything for yourself for quite some time, even when you insist that you're feeling better.

🐻"Can't be too careful ziskeit, wouldnt want you to hurt yourself again would we, no youd better just let your old man take care of that for you yeah?"

🐻 Will keep your room bright, with flowers in it. Will treat you with new books and records and will stop to read to you awhile whenever you ask. He sits with you every morning, helps you wash and change, does your hair for you, brushing it carefully. He loves to brush your hair anyway, loves how soft it is, but this is the perfect excuse to get close to you and spend as long as he likes combing through your long locks.

🐻 He struggles to remember not to make you laugh as this will hurt, its hard though, he just wants his little girl to smile and be happy.

🐻 He's probably going to try and teach you a thing or two about road safety. And when youre out walking together he'll start doing this thing where he makes sure you're walking on the side of the pavement furthest from the road. You think he's being over the top but once he's started doing it he'll insist its the best thing for you.

Arthur

🍂 Youve got a bloody nose and its your own bloody fault, you got in between him and some lad he was fighting with, trying to calm him down.

🍂 Course, you tell him its your own bloody fault... Doesnt mean he believes you, naturally he blames himself. He cries about it, gets drunk about it, takes a little time to get over what hes done before Polly will let him near you.

🍂 "She doesnt need to see you in that state arthur you sort yourself out and do it fucking quickly then you come look after your girl!"

🍂 So he does, he splashes his face with cold water and takes deep breaths the way you taught him too.

🍂 Then he rushes to you, hes brought you flowers and chocolate and hes determined hes going to make this up to you.

🍂"Oh Arthur love you didnt need to..." you start but he cuts you off, coming to sit by your bedside, clasping your hands in his.

🍂 "Yes i fuckin did flower, yes i fuckin did, now i know nothing is gonna make up for what ive done to you..." you cutting him off this time with a kiss.

🍂 "Shut up Arthur, no more apologies please im begging you,"

🍂 But he has to finish saying sorry, he wont stop until hes said it, so in the end you close your eyes, lean back into your pillow and let him finish saying sorry.

🍂 You think hes a fool but he seems so torn up about it, so upset that you cant interrupt him again.

🍂 His forehead to yours, his eyes closed as he kisses your face and says hes sorry again.

🍂 "Wont ever happen again flower i promise you, it wont ever happen again," "I love you y/n i didnt mean it, id never hurt you on purpose," you know hes telling you the truth, you know it was an accident.

🍂 "Aye and I'll never come between you and another man eh" youre having a little joke, trying to lighten the mood but hes so serious. He frowns at you and you say sorry, give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sorry Arthur im only messin with you, you wont hurt me i know, i know,"

🍂 Hes a little clumsy but he does well holding the cloth thsts catching the blood from your nose, rubbing your back and soothing you when the bleeding picks up.

🍂 Tells you youre his brave girl. You tell him youre not even that hurt

🍂 But youve got a bruise throbbing on your cheek that says otherwise.

🍂 He holds ice to it for you to reduce the swelling.

🍂 Makes you tea, brings you pain relief, which you tell him you dont need but which he tells you Pol says youve got to take.

🍂 "You know if you really want to help distract me from the pain..." taking his hand and guiding it down your chest to the waistband of your skirt....

John

🌼 When you get shot at he knows those bullets were for him and he feels so fucking guilty.

🌼 He watches it happen, feeels the freeze of his blood the moment he realises whats about to happen, and then the plimmeting drop in his heart when he sees you struck in the shoulder.

🌼 Its not a bad place to be shot, the shoulder... It won't kill you, but of course it doesnt matter to him where you were shot, it only matters that you were, that he let that happen to his girl...

🌼 He's quick to shoot the perpetrators dead, one after the other, multiple shots to the chest and stomach... Those are bad places to be shot, painful fucking places too, which hes pleased about. He hopes their deaths are slow and agonising.

🌼 Hes at your side, your head in his lap before he's shot his final shots into the perpetrators bodies, one hand holding your face, the other pulling the trigger.

🌼 He refuses to be seperated from you, tries to fight the doctors when they try to take you away from him. You need to have the bullet removed and be patched up but John doesnt want you to go through it alone.

🌼 Polly and Ada have to hold him back, calm him down, theyre reassuring him that youll be alright as long as he lets the doctors do their job.

🌼 The moment those doors to your room open Johns at the doctors side asking all sorts of questions, needing to know that youre okay, that youre going to be alright.

🌼 When they finally let him see you they tell him not to crowd you, to try and be calm and at first no ones sure he'll be able to, he snarls at the doctor "Don't tell me how to treat my fuckin girl!"

🌼 But then when he sees you, unconcious, still and colourless on the bed, the slow rise and fall of your chest, all the fights knocked out of him just like that.

🌼 He falls into the chair at your bedside, the others give him time alone with you because they can see how much he needs it.

🌼 He holds your hand in his, strokes your cheek, when no one is around to see he cries. He can't believe hes let this happen to you, he cant believe he let his girl get hurt. And he says it over and over again, "Im so sorry flower, shoulda been quicker, shoulda been me that got shot..."

🌼 He brings you flowers every day, refuses to leave your side, doesnt eat, hardly sleeps, it gets to a point where polly has to remind him that he wont be any good to you at all if he doesnt keep his strength up.

🌼 When youre awake he kisses you and showers you in affection, he talks to you to distract you from the pain, hes always asking if you're alright, if you need more pain relief, "You'll tell me if it hurts flower won't you, don't try to be brave..."

🌼 But he also tells you you are brave, that hes so proud of you for how good youre healing, how strong you are

🌼 When he gets to take you home he dotes on you, he hardly leaves your side unless its to get you something to eat or drink.

🌼 He wont let anyone else change your dressings, he has to do it because he wants to make sure theyre done proper, and also because he wants to see how the wound is healing, to make sure youre still okay.

🌼He kisses your bandages softly, does it to make you smile.

🌼 When you get a fever from the wound hes by your side nursing you through it with a cold cloth to your face to bring down the fever.

🌼 He actually gets so scared he lets Pol use her rememdies to heal you and they work just as shes always told the boys that they do.

🌼 You get bad dreams about what happened to you sometimes but you never tell him, he knows though and he holds you close to him, kisses you and reassures you, "won't ever let anything happen to you flower, gonna keep you safe,"

🌼 Tells you the scar is a sign how strong you are, makes you look dangerous... Which is hot... Kisses it whenever he can because he won't have you worrying youre not beautiful anymore.

Bonnie

🍀 He slit the throat of the man who did it, the cunt still had his gun to your head and his cock in his hand... Threatened to rape and kill you for being one of those Peaky Blinders' "pikey whore"

🍀He tried his best not to get any of the mans blood on you, slinging the body asside the second his kife had cut and dragged through the artery.

🍀When he saw the state you were in he dropped the knife and dropped to his knees to help you up. When Bonnie had slit the billy boy's throat the man had let go of you and youd collapsed partially from the pain, partially from fear, and partially from the shock.

🍀 Youve been shot, only to wound not to kill, it had been purely out of spite, to stun you into tumbling and not being able to escape. So youre covered in blood, a shaking wreck, sobbing. At first you don't recognise Bonnie because of your panic and you try to push him away from you thinking hes going to hurt you too.

🍀"Its me dove, its me your bonnie, dont fight me flower, im gonna take care of you, its me yeah, your bonnie..." he soeaks gently but he cant hide his fear, he needs to get you back to the settlement, to his father and the boswells who will be able to heal you.

🍀 He does blame himself for what happened but in the moment theres no time for guilt or self pity, he just has to make sure you're alright.

🍀He scoops you up, holds you tight to his body, not too tight that hes hurting but secure enough that you know he won't drop you or let go. He doesn't pay mind about getting blood on him and he lets you cry the whole way back.

🍀 When Aberama has to cut the bullet out of you Bonnie holds you with your back to his chest, his legs either side of you, its to keep you still but also secure.

🍀 "Well done brave girl, youre doing so well little dove, hold on just a little more, be over soon," kissing your hair, letting you bite down on his sleeve when the bullets being cut from you and the wounds being sterilized. It burns, so much you think you'll go insane from the searing of it. But bonnie holds you safe and secure the whole time.

🍀 He feels a little helpless watching someone else bandage your wound, but he does the best he can for you by staying calm, being the sturdy roots that you need to keep you grounded. His staying calm helps you to calm down and its his gentle voice which soothes you and eases your fear.

🍀 "Youre safe now little dove, Ive got you, safe with me,"

🍀Insists on being the one to wash you clean of blood and help you change into softer clothes for sleeping. He kisses your bandaged wound and carries you to bed.

🍀 Sits up and holds you all night, doesn't sleep, just watches you, he needs to know that youve found some peace in your dreams. And he also knows that he needs to be there for you in case you wake up frightened. Hes heard that can happen to people sometimes, they wake up and think its happening all over again.

🍀 He doesnt leave your side the next day, Tommy wants to speak with you about what happened but Bonnie won't let him near you. Tells him to wait. "Won't let you scare her anymore than she already is Mr Shelby, threaten me all you like but i fucking won't let it happen, you won't scare her..."

🍀When he talks to you about what happened he lets you cry, holds you in his arms and soothes you. "S'alright sweet girl he can't hurt you anymore," hes more than a little relieved to find out the evil bastard never got so far as to hurt you down there. That Bonnie got there before he could touch you.

🍀But that doesnt mean youre not suddenly terrified to be vulnerable, even with Bonnie. You cry about it cause you feel fucking stupid, every time your boy goes to touch you, even in the most innocent of ways, a hand your waist or hip, and you flinch. You feel pathetic but Bonnie reassures you its alright, its natural, that it'll pass. That he loves you.

🍀Whilst youre recovering he sits with you as often as he can, he sings to you, makes up stories for you, recites the ones you both remember from childhood. Brushes and plaits your hair, brings you flowers to weave through it.

🍀Goes out hunting to get you the best meat to help you recover, cooks you tasty stews that will help you heal. Probably fusses over you a little more than necessary.

🍀 He knows that being shut up indoors will make you miserable so when he thinks you're well enough he carries you down to the bank of the stream, lets you sit with your feet in the water. He'll stay with you, splash you with his feet, he enjoys seeing you smile and keeping your spirits up.

🍀The kids at the camp are all missing you and are worried but Bonnie is very protective and doesnt want them to exhaust you. Still when they want to come and see you he lets them visit you, give you kisses and bring you the little gifts theyve made or picked. "Just don't you go outdoing me ey little one..." he'll say to them.

🍀After awhile, when your wounds are healed and you're almost fully recovered, he catches you frowning in the mirror, your fingers grazing your scars. "You're beautiful little dove, prettiest girl in the whole wide world, no scars gonna change that,"

🍀It takes a long time for you to be confident going off on your own and reallty, nobody blames you for that, least of all Bonnie. He understands why you're so scared, thats why he crafts you a knife of your very own, one you can keep with you at all times. He teaches you how to use it so that you'll be able to protect yourself.

🍀He's extra posessive and protective of you after the event, whenever he can be he stays close to you, holding your hand, looking after you. He won't let you go into town on your own anymore either, he wants to be with you to keep you safe.

Isaiah

🐀You get cut by a man you reject in the bar you work in. He doesnt realise you're a Peaky boy's girl and when you turn down his attempts to charm you and then spit on him for spanking your arse as you passed his table, he breaks the bottle hes drinking from and cuts you with it.

🐀Isaiah isnt there when it happens but someone who recognises you calls for help.

🐀The other bar maid phones for Isaiah, tells him to come collect you. She tries to help you as best she can. It isn't hard to clear the bar out once she shouts that there'll be peaky boys here any moment.

🐀Then she sits you in one of the sofas and cleans your wounds trying to be careful. Theres a large chunk of glass wedges in your arm though which she knows well enough to leave alone, in case its the only thing keeping all your blood inside you.

🐀When Isaiah finds you there it breaks his heart to see his girl all bloody and in pain. Youve been being brave, trying not to cry, but when he tells you he can either take you to Pol or the hospital to get that glass taken out, you stifle a sob. You hate hospitals.

🐀He sits with you until Polly arrives and when she does she can't believe the sight of you. Isaiahs been doing his best to stop your bleeding from the smaller wounds but its hard when youve got so many of them.

🐀"fucking men, evil bastards, sometimes i think not a single one of you has any good left in you," she says as she gets to work cleaning and bandaging all the smaller wounds which freckle your arm with little cuts. Some are deeper than others and when she cleans them with vodka it burns so deep inside you you cant help but hiss and cry.

🐀But youre being brave because Isaiah is brave, he never gets scared snd so you want to show him youre just as strong as him.

🐀He holds you in his lap, you leaning back against his chest, your arm out on the table for Pol to fix up. All the time Isaiah is talking to you, telling you how well you're doing. "My brave girl, good girl, shhh youre doing so well love,"

🐀When Polly has to remove the glass he gives you his hat (the safe end) to bite down on because he knows its going to hurt. But you do well, gritting your teeth and breathing through the pain just like Polly tells you to.

🐀When youre all bandaged up and free to go home Isaiah takes you back to his place, carries you all the way home, through the front door and up the stairs to bed where he places you down gently and very carefully removes your clothes.

🐀He asks you where the man touched you and then touches you there, smooths his hands over your hips and your bottom being gentle and tender, before he kisses your shoulder and helps you into one of his shirts.

🐀He kisses your injured arm and hand over the bandages and then as you're finally going to sleep he promises he'll get the bastard who did this to you and make him pay.

🐀You help him actually, when youre feeling up to it the two of you start visiting local bars, looking for the man, he organises line ups at the factories Tommy controls until you recognise the man.

🐀And when you do Isaiah takes the mans eyes for you. You're not averse to watching bad men suffer and on this occasion you actually enjoy it a little.

🐀He doesn't blame himself for it happening but he blames the fact that he obviously hasnt made it clear enough to the people of birmingham that you are his girl. So from now on whenever youre out together he has one hand on you at all times. He also makes a huge show of pointing you out to a crowded room, "see this girl here yeah, this girl here is an honorary peaky blinder, so id watch your fuckin mouths when you talk to her!" "Dont fuck with the peaky blinders!"

🐀He will go all out making it known that if any man touches you again he'll fucking kill them.

🐀If you get scars from the shard of glass he'll make sure youre proud of them, he'll tell you it makes you look dangerous, lets men know they should think twice before fucking with you. He will tell you he thinks its a sexy scar, whatever that means.

Michael

☘️When Peaky Business means Michael finds you left on his doorstep beaten unconcious with a note from your attackers, promising war, shoved into your closed fist, Michael blames Tommy

☘️Naturally.

☘️He calls for his mother immediately, he doesn't trust all her healing techniques but he trusts her enough to know that she'll know exactly what you need, whether you're going to need a doctor or whether it looks worse than it really is.

☘️He also phones Tommy, "my fucking wifes just been returned to me, beaten half to death Tommy! What the fuck have you got us into now eh? And why the fuck have you let it get to my family?" he practically spitting down the phone at his cousin. Hes so angry and it doesnt help that Tommy is remaining calm. "Did they leave you a note Michael, letting you know who they are and what they want from you?" "Aye, of course they did..." "There we go then, you know who did it and you'll get the bastards that hurt your wife don't worry..."

☘️But he is worried and he sits by your bedside until you regain conciousness. Polly has you laid on the bed, clothes off so that she can bathe your wounds and clean you up. "Michael make yourself useful eh, you take this cloth and clean the blood... Gently,"

☘️His hands are trembling as he dabs at your battered body with the damp cloth, being careful not to hurt you. You keep groaning in your state of unconscious and its clear Michaels at a complete loss.

☘️He's devestated that something like this could happen to you and he doesnt know what to do.

☘️"Well talk to her love, you'll help her..."

☘️He doesn't know what to say but he holds your fragile hand in his and tries to be as soothing as he can.

☘️ "Youre alright now y/n me an Pol have got you eh, taking care of you... You've taken a beating but you're gonna be fine, promise you, I'll take good care of you sweetheart," hes being so serious its almost comical and when he says "youve my word," Polly has to hide her smirk.

☘️When shes satisfied youre going to be alright, no internal bleeding, no serious breaks, she says she'll leave the two of you in peace but instructs michael to call the second you wake up. She also tells him not to phone Tommy again, "I'll deal with your cousin don't you worry Michael..."

☘️ He has the maids make up the fire in your room and instructs the kitchen to prepare your favourite food. He knows eatings the last thing you'll want to do when you wake up but you've got to eat.

☘️When you wake youre confused and upset but youre also apologetic "Shouldn't have been out on me own Michael, im sorry i caused you trouble," but he wont have any of that. "No love, stop that right now i won't hear it, this wasnt youre fault, wasn't your fault at all,"

☘️ Will silence you with a kiss if you protest and try to apologise again.

☘️He will stay with you, put records on for you, he'll read to you from your favourite books.

☘️And when it comes to trying to get you to eat he'll sit with you, encouraging you, reminding you youve got to eat to help you regain your strength.

☘️At first you don't remember what happened and when Tommy tries to talk to you about it, to find out what they're dealing with he gets frustrated, makes you cry by putting too much pressure on you. Michael intervenes, gets up in Tommys face, eye to eye and speaks very clearly.

☘️"My wifes already been through enough for you Tommy, don't think I'm gonna let you bully her eh? Show some fucking respect!"

☘️They argue about whats best for you, and whats best for the family.

☘️ But in the end Michael loses the argument and has to let Tommy talk to you again.

☘️"Alright, alright fine you can try again, but this time you talk to her fuckin nicely..."

☘️When the two of you are left alone that evening he is so soft and caring with you, he is always asking you if youre alright, if you need anything.

☘️Its almost annoying... Almost

☘️"What i needs my husband..." "I'm hear love anything at all anything you need..." "Wasn't finished Michael, what i needs me husband to calm down, stop worrying so much and come give his wife a cuddle,"

☘️Hes hesitant to get too close to you because hes worried hes going to hurt you, you've some very nasty bruises and a broken rib, youve got bandages over your arms and around your torso. He's convinced theres not a single place he could touch you without causing you pain.

☘️But after some reassurance and serious pleading and pouting and looking like you might cry if he doesnt hug you, he puts his arms around you gingerly and lets you rest your head in the crook of his neck.

☘️Once you're there he relaxes, perhaps this was all either of you needed all along. He feels so much better with you safe in his arms and you feel so relieved to finally be able to feel him next to you.

☘️ You struggle to sleep at night from the pain and also from the bad dreams about what happened to you but Michael never leaves you alone and although sometimes he gets grumpy from lack of sleep, he never takes it out on you. He's soft and tender and soothes you back to sleep.

☘️Pays for the best medical care he can for you, gets you the pain relief you need.

☘️Brings you gifts, sweet pastries, chocolates, the fanciest treats he can find for you. Buys you pretty things for you to wear when youre better.

☘️Gets you a dog, a big one who is loving and friendly to you, but who Michael can train to attack anyone who threatens you.

☘️ "For when I'm not around eh, to keep you safe and sound,"

[axelsagewrites]

Hey, could I request a love triangle with both Theon and Jon set in modern days? Fratboy!Theon (he's unsufurable and such dork! I can so imagine reader disliking him but he's cute when he wants to!) and Emo!Jon (he just gives off emo boy energy!!). Lots of teasing and rivalry (maybe? But definitely not needed) and maybe f!reader hooking up with both but separately.

Jon Snow/Theon Greyjoy*Hook ups

Pairing: jon x reader, theon x reader, past!jon x Ygritte

Word count: 3980

Warnings: secret hooking up, multiple partners, p in v sex, f! receiving oral, hickeys, praise, slight sub jon, cocky theon, smut 18+

Masterlist here

when you left for college, you were determined to break out of your shell. the first day was of course the toughest but luckily for you the dark-haired quiet kid beside you seemed equally on edge. you and Jon formed an instant friendship in freshman English and soon managed to develop a proper friendship group.

Jons half-brother Robb was also a freshman, so he was an obvious addition to the group. plus, you managed to make friends with a girl called Ygritte in your Ancient Histories class and whenever you all hung out, she would bring her friend Tormund along. the five of you were a close group all throughout freshman year and Jon and Ygritte even started dating at the end of freshman year.

you refused to admit to any of them that you were secretly a tiny bit completely and utterly jealous. you managed to keep your feelings at bay over the summer break but when you came back in your second year it was hard not to get angry seeing how happy they were. you knew it was neither of their faults, but you tried to keep it at bay and took the opportunity to expand your friendship group.

this was easy enough by tagging along wherever Robb went. he was such a sweetheart despite being such a party animal. he had been nicknamed across campus as the young wolf because of his string of girlfriends who all seemed to thank him when they got dumped. he was oddly charismatic when you thought of him, and Jon being related.

Jon was far shyer than Robb with his head often in a book or jotting lyrics and poems down in a notebook. he never left his dorm without headphones and majority of his music was all pre 2005 emo kid bangers. don’t get me wrong, you loved his music, but it was an acquired taste for sure. Ygritte however hadn’t acquired it, so it made it all the more frustrating for you when she never listened to the sweet songs, he sent her.

but you refused to let it keep you down so here you were at a Blackfyre Frat party standing with Robb who was introducing you to yet another friend of his. As he was telling Danerys that you were also into Taylor Swift you felt an arm suddenly grab over your shoulder and your neck snapped to the side to see its owner.

He had his other arm wrapped over Robbs shoulder and a beer bottle in hand, “and this is Theon,” Robb laughed as you shrugged him off as he kissed Robbs cheek, “aka a pain in my ass,”

“Thought you liked when I was in your ass,” Theon gasped as he finally removed himself from the young wolf. at times you had questioned if Robb was bi but now did not seem the time to ask as Theon held his hand out for you to shake, “And who do I owe the pleasure?”

you shook his hand lightly, trying your best not to grimace at the beer stench on his breath. you told him your name and quickly took your hand back, “I think im gonna get a drink,” you said, your eyes shooting to Dany who decided she also needed one. thank god for girls you thought.

“Cmon princess I don’t bite,” Theon joked but waved you and Dany off to slip into the crowds.

“He’s something alright,” you joked as you filled your cup with extra strong-smelling punch.

Dany laughed as she refilled her own drink, “He’s not as bad as he seems,” she said making your eyebrows scrunch in shock, “Nah seriously. its just this impression he puts on, I guess. I don’t really get it but alone he’s far more chill,”

“Please don’t leave me alone with him,” you said as you attempted to drink what tasted like straight vodka, “I don’t need him spilling beer down me,” you joked as you and Dany re-entered the crowd of people to dance.

you found your eyes wondering over to Theon a few times in the night. any time he caught you he sent a cheeky wink, and you rolled your eyes before turning to blush. maybe it was the alcohol or whatever issues high school had left you with, but Theon was kind of hot.

not in the Jon mysterious sensitive way but in the cocky I don’t give a fuck way. he was wearing his fraternity t-shirt which after Robb spilled his drink down revealed a surprisingly well toned body underneath. Dany seemed to notice your glances as she winked at you before demanding Robb and Theon come dance.

as Theon walked over you decided fuck it. Jon was taken and you were a woman with needs and even if he was a bit annoying Theon wad fit as fuck. you didn’t protest when they joined you to dance or run away when Theon would bump into you or spin you around the dance floor despite the music defiantly not being the spinning sort.

however eventually it was all becoming a bit too loud and a bit too fast. that plus the vodka was getting to you so without much warning you decided to duck out the dance floor and make your way to the kitchen where you stumbled upon Joffrey Lannister practically on top of Margaery Tyrell. you dipped your head as you headed for the back door and decided to just chill on the back steps for a few.

“You good bro?” you heard Theon’s concerned voice, but you didn’t need to turn as he moved to sit beside you on the step. he tried to hand you a cup, but you just looked at him in silent questioning, “Just water. promise,” he said reaching out his pinkie for you to link with your own.

you laughed as you made a pinkie promise with a near stranger before taking the cup, “Thanks man,” you said before almost downing the cup, “Sorry it just felt like really loud all of a sudden,”

“That’s cool,” Theon shrugged with a genuine smile that made your own lips curl up, “I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened. I know things like this aren’t always the easiest but its good you came,” he said as he knocked his knee into yours, “Even if you’re a terrible dancer,” he teased making you laugh and tease him right back.

you ended up sitting out there for the next hour before Dany eventually found you, wondering if you’d died or something. this was now your queue to leave since even Robb was too far gone to continue this night. “I’m gonna go get him into my bed then ill be back down to walk yous two home,” Theon said as Robb was slumped over his shoulder.

“Oh, you don’t have to- “you tried to say.

Theon cut you off, “Don’t worry love I’ll be two tics,” he said before he started to take Robb up the stairs, “Cmon buddy use those feet of yours,” you heard him mumble as you and Dany laughed at the state of Robb.

“See told you he’s not that bad,” she said, nudging you with her elbow.

you rolled your eyes at the blonde as you finished your drink, “Yeah, yeah. we’ll see,” and see you did. Theon had asked for your insta when you got to the dorms and somewhat shockingly to you didn’t try make a pass at you before he left. maybe he wasn’t that bad after all?

“Ugh that guy,” Jon groaned as you walked to class together, “I hate when Robb brings him round, he’s just so weird,”

“Some would say the same thing about you my goth little friend,” you said, poking at his arm making him swat it away.

“Not a goth,” he said, grabbing your hand to stop your attacks which for a moment almost made you blush, “Besides he always calls me an emo,” he said making you look at him like he said 2 + 2 = 5, “I’m not an emo. I just happen to have perfect taste,” all you did was snort as you finally reached English and took your seats.

for the month or so you spent a surprising amount of time dm-ing Theon. it started with him sending a couple memes to you having long conversations deep into the night about complete random topics. you also started actually going to parties once or twice a week with Theon and Robb much to Jons protest.

every time you told him he was welcome to come but he refused. instead, he would tell you all the reasons Theon annoyed him, and you could do better. it was ironic your old crush telling you to move on. the best thing was that you could finally see him and Ygritte around without wanting to vomit all over the place.

however, in a strange turn of events it was as soon as you got over Jon, or at least you thought, that he and Ygritte started having issues. Jon always refused to tell you what it was they fought about but you knew something was off. by now though you hung around with Dany, Theon, and Robb more than Ygritte, so you didn’t want to push. you and Jon still hung out as well of course but it was almost as if he was starting to ice you out.

you had talked to Theon about this on multiple occasions with him telling you that he was just being overly emo about things. you always defended Jon, but it was nice to know you weren’t crazy. then one night you got a text from Jon.

-she dumped me

this led to you and Jon locking yourself away in his dorm for a week as you helped him get over the breakup then a week of you dragging Jon out the dorms to see sunlight. you insisted he go out and enjoyed himself after allowing him to wallow for a time and soon a new friendship group was born.

you, Robb, Theon, Jon, and Dany hung out together at least three times a week, often all going to frat parties or drunken nights out. yes, even Jon would tag along to these parties, and you could tell he was enjoying it deep down. however, no matter what the two boys were always nipping at the other heels.

Theon would make fun of Jons clothes then Jon would quip back at his hair. when Jon poked fun at Theon’s grades Theon would make fun of Jons music taste. it was funny at times, frustrating at others, but overall, this was the most social Jon had been in months, so you weren’t going to complain.

something you hadn’t told Jon though, and had insisted that Theon couldn’t tell him either, was that you had secretly been hooking up with the Greyjoy without any of your friends knowing. he would text you late at night or you’d snap him when you were stressed. yes yes, the classic booty call things, you knew you were a cliché. but gods the sex was good.

you’d gotten a text from Theon that night and it didn’t take you long to get to his frat and sneak in through the backdoor. you slipped into Theon’s rooms unnoticed but as the door shut behind you you felt Theon press his chest into yours, “What took so long doll?” he grinned, his lips moving to kiss your jaw.

you laughed at the boy as your fingers travelled up to his hair, “Please you like when I keep you waiting,” you teased as you tugged lightly on his hair. you felt his lips move further down your neck, kissing softly at first but soon you felt him sucking gently on your skin, “You better not leave a mark,” you groaned, hating how you enjoyed it.

“I’ll think about it princess,” Theon said as his arms wrapped around your waist before tugging you over to the bed and pushing you down onto his sheets. he grabbed his collar, pulling his shirt over his head in a routine you had both practised down to perfection as you slipped your own top off.

Theon crawled over your body, his hands groping at your thighs and hips as his lips kissed the valley of your breasts. you moaned lightly as you felt him squeeze your hips and his hard on pressing into your thigh. “Now who’s making me wait,” you teased as you pulled Theon’s face up to yours, latching your lips together.

you knew each other’s rhythms, what they liked and where, his tongue slipped in with ease as your hands gripped his shoulders. meanwhile his were trailing up your body, squeezing your tits as he settled his legs between yours, grinding into you. you had of course changed into a cute little skirt when you saw the text so as your legs wrapped around his hips it left little to the imagination.

Theon hand slipped between your bodies, unbuttoning his jeans with ease and slipping them and his boxers off without even breaking your lips. you moaned lightly when his fingers rubbed your clit over your panties and your kiss grew deeper when he began to push them to the side. Theon only broke the kiss to quickly slip a condom on, something you had always insisted on and he had never complained about.

you felt him line his tip up with your hole, pushing it in slowly at first, “You like that?” he mumbled against your lips with that cocky smirk. god it shouldn’t be that hot to be a prick. your legs tightened around his waist, pushing Theon deeper in which he gladly complied as he sunk his length fully in, “Fuck,” he groaned, his thrusts attempting to set a steady pace.

his hand found your clit again, rubbing circles over it as your hands scratched gently down his back making him shiver. Theon’s lips fell from yours, moving to gently kiss down your jaw and neck before his head fell into your shoulder, his breathing growing heavy as you knew he was close to the edge.

with a final thrust you felt his body tighten for a moment before sinking into yours. you paused for a moment, letting Theon catch his breath. he pulled away for a moment, discarding the condom and kneeling over your thighs before he looked back down at you with a cocky grin, “Your turn now,” he said, and you laughed as he made his way down south.

by the end of the night, you were both hot and sweaty and both in a pair of Theon’s sweatpants. you were able to slip out and back to yours for a quick change of clothes before class the next morning though Jon shot you a questioning look when you had to practically run to class.

as the lecturer droned on and on you saw your phone light up and when you looked you saw a text from Jon. you unlocked your phone under the table, glancing over to see Jon was doing the same, as you opened the message.

-u wanna do something tonight?

-ye sure. want me to text everyone else?

you sent back and when you glanced at Jon you saw a faint blush on his cheeks. a few moments later another message came.

-was thinking it could be a just us thing. like old times

you didn’t even realise you were smiling when you saw the message, but Jon did. and gods did it make his legs go weak especially when you text back.

-great idea. movie night?

-only if u don’t hog the snacks

-no promises

after a long day of classes, a movie night was just what you needed especially since you knew it wasn’t hard to get Jon to let you pick the movie. when you arrived at his dorm, he was setting up a projector his dad had got him and you noticed his roommate, Tormund was out. “Did you kick Tormund to the curb for me?” you joked when you walked in through the open door.

Jon grinned as he stopped fiddling with his laptop cables and the projector lit up the room, “He didn’t mind,” he said as he took the bag of snacks out of your hand, adding them to the pile he had set up on his bed. “You ready for the ultimate movie experience?”

“Always,” you grinned as you jumped down onto his bed, kicking off your shoes and making yourself comfy. you didn’t catch the way Jon smiled at you as he watched this or how when he shut the door, he locked it also.

Jon flicked off the lights before returning to the bed, sitting beside you as he brought up Netflix on his laptop. before you could even start your spiel about how legally blonde the best film was and why you just had to watch it, he was handing you the laptop. you’d thought your crush had died but when you felt his fingers brush yours as you took the laptop you were grateful for the dimmed lighting to hide your blush.

Jon watched the movie without complaint, which honestly shocked you, especially when he even offered you some of his pringles. now that was odd. you were so into the movie you didn’t even realise you were leaning onto his shoulder till you felt his arm move to rest around your waist. when you glanced at Jon he cleared his throat, a blush spreading across his cheeks making you smile before you turned your attention back to Elle strutting her stuff.

by the end credits your body was fully rested against Jons, your snacks were gone, and his head was leant on top of yours. “See, told you it was a masterpiece,” you teased.

Jon chuckled lightly as you moved your head off his shoulder, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move his arm, “It was something alright,”

“Theres a second one,”

“Eh I think one movie was enough for tonight,” Jon said as he closed Netflix with his spare hand. the room was still pretty dark but the light from the projector lit it up just enough to notice the cute smile toying on his lips.

“So whatcha wanna do then?” you said, moving to face him without realising how close your faces were, “You can’t kick me out already. its only nine,” you said but Jon didn’t say anything back.

you just smiled, waiting for him to say something and wondering if you had accidentally broken the boy somehow when Jon suddenly leaned forward. he kissed you. like actually kissed you. on the mouth. it only lasted for a second and you were too stunned to react as he pulled back, “I’m sorry- “Jon tried to say, moving his arm but you cut him off by grabbing his jaw lightly making him face you.

Jon grew silent again as you studied his face for a moment before leaning in. this kiss was far softer than before and this time Jon didn’t run away. his lips moved against yours gently at first, almost as if you were made of glass, but with added courage now Jon grew bolder, his hand squeezing your waist gently.

you took your queue, if not maybe surprising Jon a little, as you moved to straddle his lap. however, it only took a moment for him to catch up as his hands moved to rest gently on your hips. “You can touch me you know,” you mumbled into the kiss, “I won’t break,” you teased as your own hands trailed down his chest.

much to your surprise since he always wore baggy black clothes, but you could feel how toned he was through his shirt. you couldn’t resist slipping your hands under his t-shirt, gently tracing your hands up his skin making him shiver.

you were breathless, pulling away for air but Jon wasn’t done. his lips soon fell to your neck, kissing down your skin gently as his fingers traced the hem of your waistband of your sweats. you moaned lightly when you felt him sucking soft hickeys across your collarbones but this time you didn’t mind the marks.

Jon seemed encouraged by your noises as his hands slipped under the fabric of your sweats as you felt his groan against your skin when he realised you were wearing something lacy. you bit your lip gently as he trailed hickeys down your chest, his hands squeezing your hips and ass. you decided to be bolder, if that was possible, and grind down onto his lap.

you could fell his boner through the fabric and heard Jons soft moans as you continued your movements. “Please,” he moaned against your skin, “I want you,” he begged.

“All you had to do was ask,” you teased as you pried yourself from his grip. the way Jon watched with awe as you stripped your t-shirt off made you want him ever more. “Take that off,” you said, pointing to his own top to which he happily complied.

you turned away for a moment, slipping your sweats down your legs to give Jon a proper show since he was determined to enjoy it. you heard him curse under his breath as you kicked away the fabric and when you turned around, he was finally tugging his jeans off leaving him in just his boxers. “Fuck,” Jon mumbled, his eyes glued to your frame for several moments before finally flickering to your eyes, “You’re perfect,”

you giggled a little, so unlike yourself, as you leaned down to kiss Jon again. it was slow and deep with your hands in his hair. you expected to be the one leading things, but Jons hand found its way to your hips and soon you were laying on the bed under neath Jon who was trailing open mouth kisses down your body, praising it all the way down.

your breathing hitched when he pressed a kiss to your clothed clit, your hand instinctually reaching for his hair as he slid your panties down your legs. within moments he was kissing your cunt soft as he moved your legs over his shoulders. you moaned when you felt his tongue against your clit, applying more and more pressure as he went till, he found your sweet spot.

you didn’t care how loud your moan was when you felt his fingers teasing your hole. you bit your lip as he slowly slipped them in, stretching you out before he began to gently curl his fingers. you could feel your orgasm already approaching as Jon began to suck on your clit gently making your legs instinctively wrap around his head.

it only seemed to spur him on more and it wasn’t long till you felt your orgasm threatening to spill. “Don’t stop,” you whined, your hand gripping his hair for dear life, “Fuck,” you gasped as your body tightened and your orgasm crashed down like a tsunami.

you could feel your legs twitch, but Jon wasn’t stopping. his seemingly magic tongue kept going till he was sure you were fully finished and when he pulled away, his face wet with your juices, he placed a soft kiss to your thigh. “You are amazing,” he said, kissing up your body with each word.

you were panting for air but still wanting more and Jon had no intentions of stopping there. by the end of the night, you had come five times, weren’t sure if you’d ever walk again, and you were both naked and sweaty under his sheets. you didn’t know how you’d explain these hickeys to Theon next time you saw him but god where they worth it.

Taglist: @clairacassidy @valeskafics

[jeon-ify]

that night- j. yunho : pt. 3

a/n: heyyyy girl did you miss me 😋 i know i know. after i reread the first 2 parts of this fic, im starting to feel like its already going NOWHERE. but!! i hope this part makes up for all the weirdness in the first couple of parts.

this chapter is a little short

warnings: mentions of self harm, mentions of sex (if you squint), drug use, swearing, use of the word ‘pookie’ only once, reader starts to second guess if she’s at fault

enjoy!

🤍🪩☁️

you watch your phone ding twice after you wipe your tears, processing the fact that yunho just walked into your apartment for the first time ever. you felt like none of it was real, that it was simply a blur that he came to your home, cried to you, kissed your forehead and promised he’d change.

yunho often kept his promise, thus leaving a feeling of confusion on your heart. you decide to ignore what your heart is telling you to do, and instead, listening to your brain:

you trusted him once before, and he fucked it up. don’t do that to yourself again, y/n

no matter how hard you try to ignore the messages on your phone from yunho’s support buddy, you can’t. what could mingi want at this hour?

y/n: hi, whats up?

*seen just now*

mingi.?: can i call you? i wanna talk to u ab smth rq

mingi.?: i stole ur number from yun

y/n: sure.?

as you respond to mingi, you wait a few seconds before mingi’s called ID pops up on your phone. the last thing you need right now is to talk about yunho— and if he calls for just that, you’d rather hang up and sit in silence as you literally haven’t even recovered from that entire show that just took place not even an hour ago.

“hello?” he speaks.

“hey, m-ming…mingi?” you try to pronounce his name, thinking you forgot his name, but he’s quick to confirm that you’d pronounced it right.

“yeah you said it right. how are you, y/n? how’s everything going?” you think he’s only starting small talk just to get to the topic of yunho.

“i could be better but for now i’m okay. how are you, mingi? what makes you call me at this hour?”

“if i’m being honest, i was going to ask you how you and yunho were putting up since i know he just got home from your place. he looked pretty fucked up, y/n.” you feel like he’s guilt tripping you, but you also feel like he’s part of the reason you got to see yunho tonight.

“we didn’t really talk much, he explained what happened that night and i know he regrets it— well, i like to believe he regrets it. plus, i really don’t know why it took him so long to reach out to me through san. because if he really wanted to reach out to me, he wouldn’t just send me pathetic ass texts and not have san call me.”

you and mingi both know that yunho’s texts were not pathetic. they— in fact— made your heart sink, and got you to seeing yunho, even though you didn’t want to be reminded of him, those texts are the reason you still saw him.

“i talked to him a couple years ago and we found each other at our lowest. we met at rehab— he was very much into popping pills and inflicting pain onto himself so i decided to help him out since we were going through the same thing. he had no place to stay, he sold his apartment because he owed that fucker san drug money. i took him into my apartment and i helped him build his credit score and save up to get his own place. he ended up buying a house bigger than mine. no matter what he does, he’s never really happy. i’ve known yunho long enough to know that he is not himself. listen, y/n. i’m not trying guilt trip you, but yunho really did love you. a lot of us do things we shouldn’t but that’s not an excuse. people fuck up, and you don’t have to forgive him, but give him the room to change in a way that shows how much he regrets doing that to you. i’m not saying you need to forgive him now or anything, but let your logic do it’s thing. goodnight, y/n. call me if anything changes.”

mingi hangs up the phone, leaving your head empty and full at the same time. so much happened today, and the last thing you needed was mingi unpacking everything to you.

yunho never mentioned that in his texts. since the both of you were together, yunho was too scared to touch a drug— that being part of the reason he never got along with san.

your pink nail polish is laid out on the floor in crumbles as you’ve picked it all off your nails. you think twice or three times over about how yunho was so broken over what he did to you. he’s the victim in his own story.

you are broken, but you didn’t feel like you were allowed to be hurt— though you have every right to be.

while you and yunho were together, you often refused sex when you got back from work, claiming that you were ‘too tired’ or ‘too busy’ to pay yunho any attention. you can’t remember the last date you had with yunho.

your thoughts cloud your brain as you slowly start to feel like you’re part of the reason he’d cheated on you.

“we hadn’t had sex in like 4 months so i started to believe it.”

“they said you don’t deserve someone like me.”

“they said you can’t handle me”

you walk over to your kitchen, grabbing your lighter and heading back to your balcony. as the night sky hugs your home, you start to mentally prepare yourself for the next few months. you’ve cancelled every lash booking you had for the next week and a half, not being in the right headspace for anything.

you pick up your phone, calling wooyoung.

“it’s 3 in the morning go back to sleep.” he groans. you caught him at the wrong time, hearing a female voice in the back moaning and breathing heavy.

“can you come over? i need you here.” you light your cigarette, the smoke clouding the air in front of you.

“i’m on my way.”

in almost 7 minutes, your best friend is sitting right by you, throwing the cigarette off the balcony. he notices how your nose and eyes are puffy from crying, how your gaze is absent. he puts his lazy hand around your shoulders, pulling you to lean on his own.

“i’m guessing it didn’t go well?” he asks, his baggy flannel smells like comfort, making your eyes well up in tears, in appreciation for your best friend.

“i’m sorry, wooyoung. i keep crying to you. i’m just so overwhelmed and so much shit is unfolding tonight, i just wanna run away from everything bro.” you sniffle into his chest, his hand rubbing on the small of your back.

“hey, it’s okay. it’s okay to cry. talk to me when you’re ready. i’m here to listen, babes.” he rubs and shushes you, as you relax against his hands.

“we talked about what happened that night and how it happened. he said he just didn’t feel like i wanted him anymore and because we didn’t have sex in like 4 months he started to believe what sara and maya were saying.”

“what were they saying?”

“they were saying shit like i didn’t deserve someone like him and that i was stupid to believe i could have someone like him. then when he left he kissed my forehead and walked out and that just was the cherry on top.”

“shit, y/n. i’m sorry.” he stops rubbing your back as you sit up facing him. he brings his hand up to wipe your tears and fix your hair.

“what else, babe?”

“then like an hour after he left, mingi texted me and when i saw it he asked to call. then i said yeah and called me and he told me how yunho was coping when we split. he said he got into drugs and started doing self harm and shit, he sold his apartment cus he owed san money for drugs and he had to get into rehab for it all. he told me how yunho regrets everything but i don’t know, woo. what do i do?” you breathe. you don’t wanna keep crying, but it’s all you can do.

“how’d you feel after the talk with yunho?” he questions.

“i don’t know. i just feel like i wanna give him room to change cus i feel like he would. but then again, he cheated once and he literally said he wanted to leave but i was holding him back from doing what he wanted. i feel like a burden on him even when we’re not together anymore. and i don’t wanna have to go through that again.”

“first of all, you’re the victim. i don’t know why mingi is making it seem like you’re to blame. second of all, i’m not gonna tell you what you should do. all i will say, is that you need hella time to figure it out. listen to your brain, y/n. not your heart. your heart will tell you to do things impulsively, it’s why your brain is up here, and your heart is right under it. your brain will lead you to do the most logical thing and what’s best for you. ’ll support you, no matter what choice you make. but please make the right one.” he kisses your temple, bringing you back to lean on him again.

“woo,”

“yes, y/n.”

“i don’t know what the fuck i’d do if i lost you.”

“you interrupted the best fuck of my life, but i forgive you. don’t let it happen again.”

you laugh, following wooyoung’s giggle.

“i love you pookie”

“i love you, y/n. do you want me to stay the night?” he watches the stars twinkle and dance, taking in the feeling of his best friend in need, and him being the only person who could make you feel at ease— something he would never take for granted.

“please.”

wooyoung giggles lightly as the both of you stand up to head to bed, falling asleep much easier than the night before.

—————————————————————————————

hello!! wooyoung is so cute ☹️

taglist: @bbae98 @haohaoshoe @k-hotchoisan @stolasisyourparent @atinytiny @isiloiale @kpophosblog @nakiiko @certifiedmoa @aaniag @yunnieo @chosoteta @xuchiya 🤍

[ender-cloud]

That new TGS update made me physically ill holy shit! Spoilers under cut

I feel like we all knew that this would happen but I wasn’t actually ready for it, Like god Lanyon you truly were screwed over

THIS MADE ME LIKE AGAHBAGWGAVEVS!!!

Also after this the “I wanted to be the person you needed me to be” makes me just feel so agshabaggas JEKYLLLL!!! It broke my heart and im still not ok.

Even after jekyll admitted it was him Lanyon still wanted to find an excuse how it couldn’t be at first and it’s just like, Lanyon! You can’t be doing this to me man!

Also, just, Jekyll saying that Hyde was a mistake is a punch to the gut, because i get how he can think that but Hyde is still like a part of Jekyll he separated from himself! Does he think that part of himself was a mistake? Or does he think that ever separating Hyde from him was a mistake? Because these two things can have very different meanings.

If he thinks that part of himself was a mistake: he hates a part of himself that he cant control which is something a lot of people experience but its still not ideal, But its also Fucked up, Because Hyde has become his own person and Jekyll is acting like he Dosent exist, like Hyde can’t hear all of this

But on the other hand if he thinks it was a mistake separating Hyde from himself might mean that he can see that maybe it would be better if he still had that part with him and this shows his growth from who he used to be. Finally realizing that it still makes him, him, again something some people need to overcome in real life.

Though it is most likely the first option but i can only hope its the second

I know that Lanyon’s reaction is probably the most important but I really want to see Jaspers and Rachels reactions too because we havent even gotten a glimpse of them in the background and it’s just heightening my curiosity, because Rachel was close to both of them so she’s the one im most interested in after Lanyon.

ANYWAY! BACK TO THE PAIN!!!

Im going to be honest i think Lanyon is valid for this because yes it has been 2 years and He and Jekyll have been friends for long enough to where you would have this trust base relationship.

Also they just got together romantically which would fuck up Lanyons mind even more. Like way to go Jekyll breaking the foundation of trust in a relationship in your first day of being in one. I can see how he might feel like his feelings are being played with, Hyde would avoid him, and ive been mentioning this so often but like if someone you thought was your friend and they had an Alter ego that avoided you wouldnt you be hurt?

I feel like im shitting on Jekyll a lot, and I don’t mean to because I like Jekyll!! Dont get me wrong!!! But you have to admit that it is his fault, he’s not always the victim, its the people around him who’s being affected by his actions. It was Jekyll’s choice to continue to drink the potion, it was Jekyll’s choice not to tell Lanyon, there was no outside force making him do this.

And you can’t say that Hyde was making him continue to drink the potion because for 1; i doubt that in the beginning Hyde would be able to bother him that much only starting out, im sure it was another thing that developed over time with the potions use and 2; as we saw Jekyll could’ve thrown away those potions on his own terms at any time, he didn’t have to make more.

I just wanted to make this known because i feel like it needs to, do i like Jekyll? Yes. Do i feel bad for him? Yes. Do i think he’s the victim in the situation? No, because of the reasons above. But really, I don’t hate Jekyll, and its not like its always his fault, no, but in this situation it was his actions that lead to this.

I got really sidetracked so heres some of the other images i saved because this is getting really long.

Them both crying Makes this so much worse like, these two almost never show their emotions around people, and now in front of everyone they are about to breakdown, it just makes my chest tight, God dammit Sage this Chapter was painful

[ashe-smash]

WIP Wednesday 🍳💚

Baby Talk edition- Chapter Two is still in progress! About 1.8k words and about half done. Heed the OP tags!

Admittedly, your relationship has hit a rough patch. Really, not much changes- you’re just sadder. You’re not sure Piccolo understands abstract grief, if he quite understands grief at all. Sex is a little rocky, but Piccolo’s sex drive kind of depends on yours. He still holds you at night while you sleep and he meditates.

It’s no one’s fault. Well, you wouldn’t blame Piccolo.

You decide you need a weekend getaway together.

Planning it gives you something to do while you’re too miserable to do anything deemed more important. You can look at beaches and mountains while you’re curled up in bed or the couch while you wait for the pain reliever or heating pad to do its work. You book a cabin for when work isn’t going to be busy and hope the world isn’t exploding or whatever then.

You also decide to make the weekend as ‘normal’ as possible. You pack Piccolo clothes that aren’t his gi, even if he’ll probably just end up wearing it anyways and drive to your destination.

The two of you are settling into your vacation lodging. You’re doing something in the kitchen, probably snacking- Piccolo finds something else to do when you’re eating usually. He starts putting the things you’d packed for the weekend away in the set of drawers in the bedroom.

Halfway through, he finds a little purple velvet bag he doesn’t recognize.

Inside is an egg. It’s squishy but still has a bit of firmness to it and is swirled with different shades of green. On the wider side it has a little tail with a loop at the end.

It’s clearly either a new acquisition or something you’ve never shown him. The latter would be odd, he’d seen a lot of your stuff when you’d moved into him. You even showed him your smutty alien books.

“What’s this?”

Your eyes widen at the toy in his hand.

“I thought, maybe.” You pause to collect your words, fidgeting a bit. Why are you nervous? “I thought maybe we could try… roleplay?”

Bonus: Bed Rest

I accidentally got side tracked by a Vegeta x Reader fic that I ended up deciding is a spinoff/side story of Baby Talk. Im not sure how done it is. Currently at about 2k.

Vegeta and Bulma divorce just after Bulla’s first birthday. It’s a culmination of many things. They still coparent, Vegeta never actually moves off the Briefs property, just moving into a different house.

He meets you and starts dating after a while.

It ends for a variety of reasons- him being still entangled with this ex wife and you’ll never be able to live up to her. You miss a period and he reveals he never wants more children, which is fine but in the moment it was very unhelpful. Leaves a sour taste in your mouth about the topic, even if you do or do not want it. His “friends” don’t like you (or care more about Bulma for obvious reason.)

It’s nearly a year later when he sees you again. On a family excursion in another city.

Hears your voice first. “Hi welcome to- what can I get you?”

Then he sees your face, noticeably filled out and looking exhausted. Your smile wavers.

The last thing he notices is your belly. Swollen and round, the black fabric of your restaurant branded shirt pulled taut across it.

He says nothing about it, but he knows both Bulma and Trunks will recognize you too. You take their orders and seemingly disappear. Another server delivers their food and assists them for the rest of their visit.

“Vegeta.” Bulma hisses as soon as they’re away from the prying ears of their kids.

He already knows what it’s about. “It’s not mine.”

Side note, I will be going back and revising Ch1 of Baby Talk, probably whenever I finish/ post Bed Rest.

[cherryys]

why do you think yuuji isn't gonna make it? i have a lot of bets put on itafushi both dying or living (for Reasons i'm not gonna be annoying abt rn lol) so i like to hear why others believe otherwise

Oh god okay so

There are ALOT of death flags around yuuji, more than the people that actually died had lol but if i had to compose a list:

1. In Chapter 1, these are Yuuji's grandfather's dying words to him:

And i feel this statement of "when it's your time to go, make sure you're surrounded by others." Is going to play a big part in the ending, especially paired with the "save anyone you can, even if it's just one person" this translation doesn't say those exact words but the anime did so im gonna roll with it lol (if anyone knows what the og japanese version said please let me know!!!)

I think Yuuji is going to die by saving Megumi, surrounded by him (and others like Yuuta and Todo but im more focusing on Megumi because he is the start and the end of Yuuji's entire life purpose and ideals) and that would fulfill his grandfather's dying words of "save whoever you can, even if it's just one person. don't end up like me, [alone]. Die surrounded by loved ones" and i think that would truly be the best ending Yuuji would get after that, better than any hollow victory of killing sukuna but still outliving everyone else, alone. He had suffered enough in those few months, i think it would be cruel of Gege if he lets him outlive everyone else and still keep going with how much he's lost and witnessed.

This falls in line with the purpose he set for himself in Chapter 2:

He had already accepted that his life ends with Sukuna. That moment is when, for him, Itadori Yuuji ceased to exist and instead, Sukuna's Vessel. (Though the people around him try to convince him otherwise). Him doing those two things (Killing Sukuna and Saving People) as what his character's purpose in the story is, not living to see his 16th birthday (as despressing as that may be 💔)

2. In Chapter 203, Kenjaku says this:

This sort of ties into my earlier point of him and Sukuna's lifespans being interconnected thematically. Kenjaku here specifies Yuuji coexisting with Sukuna. As long as they are both alive, the cycle of curses (and suffering & pain) will never end. Even if Yuuji were to live on, he still has Sukuna's essence burned into him (whether that be because he'd been a vessel for so long or because of his lineage). He cannot get rid of the entirety of Sukuna, all his remains and all his ugliness, without getting rid of the one inside him first. That's why to completely get rid of Sukuna, he has to take himself out too.

Shoko even says this in Chapter 220:

By a narrative standpoint, he technically counts as an extra finger, still housing his Technique and his Evil Dredges, sort of speak. To completely defeat Sukuna, he has to go too.

3. A little fun fact about JJK, it was under threat of being cancelled all the way back since the Cursed Womb Arc. Because of that, Gege rushed to write that arc along with Chapter 9 as its subsequent "end" (though we know now Shonen Jump continued releasing it) and coupled with the fact that Gege said a while ago he already has the end of the story in mind, it's not a stretch to say that the end is going to parallel that Chapter somehow, with Yuuji sacrificing himself to save Megumi and them sharing a quiet moment (under the rain, or snow since its Dec 24 lol) where Megumi tells him again that he had never once regretted saving him, even after all the turmoil and pain it caused Megumi.

I think that would also be a nice send-off for Yuuji, the last face he sees is the one person he actually succeeded in saving and the one that saved him back, telling him that despite all the guilt he felt, all the pain he made himself responsible for (despite it not being his fault), he—who had a moral code so strict that he'd never save anyone that would kill someone in the future, yet saved him anyways, and stuck by his side after all that happened in Shibuya and told him to share the burden, the one person who never left him alone—never once regretted saving him, that the good Megumi knows is in Yuuji was worth it. And that despite the pain Megumi went through (and the pain Yuuji feels responsible for) he doesn't blame him nor regret that choice. And that he'd do it again even knowing everything.

I could go more into the other side of this argument of why Megumi being the one to die wouldn't make sense but i'd be rambling on for too long lmao i tend to go on restlessly 😞 im just really passionate about jjk and its themes

[zivazivc]

im too scared to ask because of the answer but is Hed and Les relationship ok?

(you should be scared)

They love each other unconditionally and are closer than most siblings, and I want to answer with a definite yes, but it’s more of a soft yes.

They’d die for each other and would never want to cause each other any harm, but they both hold very deep-rooted and painful resentment toward each other. This anger, while valid on its own, feels unjustifiable and selfish to both brothers, and is why they have a hard time addressing it. It only starts to get resolved later (for now I’m aiming at the time frame after Floyd leaves the band and before Les runs into him again, which is Hed’s late twenties and Les’s early thirties) when Les finally opens up to Hed about things that happened during their early childhood in the Rock Kingdom, which Hed was too young to comprehend or remember, and this revelation puts a lot of things into perspective for Hed and is extremely cathartic for both of them.

Like I’ve mentioned, Les didn’t talk to Hed about his trauma, (they are four years apart which is a big gap when you’re a kid), and Hed could never fully understand why Les had taken him with him to the Funk Kingdom. It’s a question he never receives an honest answer to, and it’s something he (although unwillingly/with doubt) resents him for since he had a difficult childhood in Vibe City as the only tiny Rock Troll who always got othered and excluded, even bullied.

There is also the related issue where Hed doesn’t understand why his brother is so troubled and disconnected, because he’s under the impression that they’ve more or less been in the same boat all their lives. That it’s always been them against the world. He even thinks Les had it better than him since he is half Funk and sticks out less like a sore thumb among a Funk society than Hed does…

I realize I’ve never addressed this directly, even though I figure some of you probably assume it already, but Les is a deeply depressed character and has been like this since he was very young (similar to Branch, although it’s expressed differently), and he has occasional episodes where he spirals and even becomes suicidal. The first time it happened and he tried to go through with it, Hed was only 8-10 years old, and the fact that his big brother was willing to end it all and leave him alone shook Hed’s entire world. The incident filled him with such intense fear and hurt that he cannot find it in him to forgive his brother for it no matter how much he wants to. He also developed anxiety surrounding Les’s mental state and is terrified of letting him out of his sight for longer periods for fear of losing him.

Les’s resentment towards Hed stems mostly from jealousy and not knowing where to direct his own hurt, and he hates himself for these feelings because none of it is Hed’s fault. — Hed is/was both of their dads’ favorite son, and as far as Les is convinced, he was their mom’s favorite too. He dodged all the worst abuse Les experienced under Butch, Butch even flaunted Hed as his son just to put Les down, and as a little kid Les pretty much hated his baby brother for it. Hed was always seen as the “better” brother even though Hed was a loud brat compared to Les. But it didn’t take long for him to grow on Ish and his roommates while there was always tension between Les and his dad (due to Les already being deeply messed up by the time they got to Ish). Hed in general is a charismatic social butterfly who knows how to get on trolls’ good side. He vibes with both Rock and Funk Trolls, and clicks with most music and trolls in general, while Les struggles with social interactions that aren’t work related and often comes off awkward, especially as a teenager, he’s more casual in his twenties and onward, though still very much closed off.

Hed is also very smart (academically, in regards to reading the room he is a dumbass), he always kept up with school, which he was allowed to attend without question, there was even early talk about uni, while Les never even got to finish elementary school because of his poor performance and him getting expelled over an incident, and was forced to start working early.

Hed also (because of his small size) was often let off the hook when he’d get into trouble/do something stupid. He was babied (word used loosely) by Ish and their uncles a lot in general. If Hed broke something, he’d get yelled at while Les would have to fix it or pay for it out of his pocket. 

They lived under two completely different sets of rules all their lives and Les festered a lot of hurt from the unfairness of it.

Les’s resentment wanes over time. Floyd is the one who helps him find release for a lot of his bottled up pain during their time together. Floyd is basically the first person Les confides in about nearly everything he was put through, and he encourages Les to talk to Hed about it. Which he does after a few years, and Hed learning about what his brother was put through as a little kid is what allows him to finally understand and forgive his brother…

[aonungyoufuck]

hi! i hope my request will be okay to you rules but im thirst for smth like this ;

y/n is sully, and mated with aonung (aged up obv)

so in the first part they do yfkyn (smut) and in the second part y/n is pregnant and all alone in the shore bc everyone went to fight with sky people. the birth started but there is so much complication so she end so messed up with so much blood coming out from her v and half conscious. when aonung come back he found her and first he loose his mind he was so scared but then he take her to ronal who need to do all the things like sew her and everything - her condition was tragic.

firstly im so sorry for my english (it is not my first language so yeah) but i decided to write because i see that youre aonung specialist 😂❤️

Ma Baby Ma Baby

Warnings: Obv birth, Some tear kinda gore? Graphic for sure.

Ao'nung (22) Reader (21)

Thank you for the request Anon! Sorry it took me a while since i dont typically write Smut i tried making it up with it some more with the rest of the story (Also i was lowkey coughing up my lungs so excuse my tardiness i hope this was okay!)

Finally. was all you can think about as you felt the stinging pain of the tattoo now being painted over your skin. Sure You dint really need to do this Given your darker complexion and the fact that well you weren't really metkayina well... But that didn't matter. You had stated this is what you wanted for you. For him.

"Almost done don't worry"

Truth be told this was only one Tattoo of many you were sure to have. One of your spirit sister, No doubt later came the mate tattoo.

Just the thought sent shivers down your spine. You had never thought this would happen. That you would be Mated to Ao'nung. Truly no you didn't see this coming.

Had you told yourself when you arrived and hated the poor man's guts. Well You'd probably ask you to drown. However now it was different. He had changed along side you.

"How gorgeous you are"

"Oh stop that i just came to show you" You said slapping his hand off of your hip. No doubt some time later you'd see your spirit sister with one too.

"And yet you take my breath away anytime i see you"

"Oh hush. Do you like it or not?" You asked moving your loincloth just a little bit more to show him fully the full thing.

Feeling his hand stroke your inner thigh and beginning to whisper in your ear. "I do"

"Stop that" You spoke slapping his hand feeling the other now rest on your back and pull you into him.

Now you were not much shorter than him. Not by a lot but right now you felt so utterly small, and in a good way too. Feeling him rub against you, the loincloth now rubbing right above your own.

"Ao'nung stop we cant stop once we start"

"Who said i want to stop" He whispered again now pushing you two down at full force. Him atop you feeling you and you in turn him.

It honestly felt like a bunch of little things were crawling on you with the excitement that you felt.

You two never done anything more than hug or kiss. Never taking it too far. You two knew better than doing anything before mating. But maybe it was time to try something new.

"Ao'nung seriously! Your mother and my father will kill us if we do anything right now"

"Its a good thing your worth it then" He spoke. Kissing your neck and lowering dangerously. Feeling his hand messing with your top.

Jake was a very strict father, It was a blessing he even gave Ao'nung the blessing of courting you. But if this went on any more you were sure you'd lose your mate before he even officially became your mate.

You may as well go out together, you thought now pulling him closer to you. You were thankful that right now it was well past eclipse and no doubt everyone was asleep. So if anyone were to see anything, well it was really their fault.

"It seems even you want this my love"

"Oh shut up"

Almost like messy teens trying to get something from each other. You two messed around with the knot of each other's loincloth. before Finally being expose to one another.

You couldn't help but avade looking at him. Before he placed a hand on your cheek making you turn to him. "Look at me my dear"

Taking in a gulp the air now thick with a tension you had only ever heard of. Looking at him fully. His tattoo on his shoulder wrapping around to his back and little over his peck.

"No need to hide now, dont you think"

You smiled letting him feel you. And you in turn touching him.

"May i ?" He asked looking down to your core. If you weren't high on the emotions you were sure you would have slapped him away to not look. But right now you didn't care.

You chuckled now going to sit at his lap. You wetting him and him in turn causing a friction you so desperately wanted right now. Kissing him. So desperate and yet so gentle.

Both your breathes becoming labored as you smelled each other. Kissing his head and then his collarbone before looking into his eyes.

"Take me as you see me"

He took in a gulp. Feeling you. Seeing you and tasting you. It was all he ever had dreamed of.

And with a prayer on his lips he guided himself to your core. The feeling engulfing you two as he bit your shoulder to hold back a growl that he had been holding.

Now exactly nine months later here you were standing and waiting for Ao'nung to return. Just like you had predicted Your parent's weren't pleased to know you two had laid with each other. Not that you had admitted to.

Actually you had a whole four months to prepare for your ceremonial bond. But Ronal wasn't stupid neither was your mother. Neytiri was talking to jake when the suspension came on. You had been eating too much and so she asked Tsahik to make sure of it.

Sure enough your parents. Especially Jake was beyond furious. And by default you two had your ceremony much sooner than expected.

Now To say Jake and Ronal were the only ones who were furious was an understatement. It really felt that Tonowari, Tuk and Tsireya were the only ones that were happy.

Bless Ao'nung for handling your family.

Unfortunately that short lived bliss of being mates was interrupted. Roa had been found dead with her calf. Now you all stood watching as your father told them to warn the Tulkun. You couldn't move. You weren't allowed.

You just waited watching as Lo'ak and Neteyam were now arguing.

It all happened in a flash. You were in the arms of Ao'nung, and then the next you were asking him to be safe in bringing your brother's back.

Taking yourself into your pod.

You prayed. The pit in your stomach now hurting as you felt your breath hitch. You still had a few months to go. But it felt painful suddenly.

"Eywa please please let this fear leave me" you begged. Hand on your stomach as you couldn't even hear the horns sound.

War didn't just hurt those to went to it. Soldiers bled but the innocent stay and suffer that pain.

The silence of the village was what alarmed you. You were completely alone. Perhaps the stress? The emptiness of it all but you felt your water break.

Panic seeped into your heart. It was far too early. Too dangerously early and you were alone. Nobody in sight. Without even thinking you let out a cry unbeknownst to you calling your Ikran 'Ana.

You didn't even know what to do. All you remembered was what little you had learned from Ronal and your mother. You thanked 'Ana for being ever so patient as you pulled at her face and held her there while you went into the water.

Let Gravity help

That's all you were told was your best of friends. And so you did. Feeling 'Ana Grumble and growl along side you. Perhaps too she was scared of what was happening.

You felt the sting. And then the shooting pain. You began to push on instinct too But that sharp burning pain didnt stop. Looking down at the water you saw red.

Blood. A lot of Blood

'help'

it was the only thing on your mind as you finally felt the relieve of the growing tension ease.

But that wasn't the end of it. Yours lungs ached and the bleeding was getting so much worse. Looking at 'Ana you looked at her finally.

"Please..get mom"

That's all you wanted letting her fly off. You looked down again. Placing your hand down to feel. An open wound. And the head of your babe poking out.

Screaming again as you began to push. Feeling yourself get lightheaded. You looked to the open sea. Cries. War. And you were all alone delivering your babe by yourself.

Begging, Silently praying to Eywa as you felt your legs shake.

Ao'nung along side Tsireya was now dragging back a wounded Neteyam. He made a promise to bring your brother's back. Jake Had told him to take him back to shore and that's what he did.

His people Some wounded and some not so much. Some being dragged. To the safety of his mother's healing pod.

And that's when he saw you. He was so sure he didn't let you anywhere NEAR the battle. He was so sure he didn't see you there. But there you were.

He was one of the very first few people back. And there you were laying on the shore. The water around you red.

"Ao'nung!" Tsireya yelled now taking Neteyam in her arms as she saw him run to you.

So much blood. So much blood. Dragging you he saw the cord that now left your legs and he began to search the water. Scared. Terribly scared, frightened to his core to think that something happened to you or the babe.

And then he brought the small thing up. Its movement now erratic before he let out a shrill cry. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be so happy

But this babe was so so small. So terribly tiny. And you were bleeding.

"Go take her to the pod! Go" Tsireya yelled again struggling to drag ao'nung but noticing some people coming back.

Ao'nung didn't think he just picked you up and placed the babe in your arms as he took you to his mom's pod.

Now he was no healer. But his mom had taught him how to stop the bleeding So while she would take a while to get here He could do what was the best for the meantime.

Jake now stood in front of the pod where you were being taken care of along side Neteyam. He was both thankful and yet Furious with himself that he let this happen.

He looked at his son in law. his face a distant memory of when he let home tree fall. A loss and yet being so lost in thought.

"kid?"

He didnt respond possibly to shell shocked as he waited

"Hey it'll be alright okay?"

"Will she be alright?" He asked like a little kid. Looking at his family and then Tonowari both parents dealing with having to protect their kids.

Before he could speak. Ronal opened the veil of the pod looking at all of them and then her son. "she's alright"

"and Neteyam?"

"He's alright as well. Hasn't woken up yet but is stable. Come" She said stepping aside and letting them all in.

You kept looking at the ceiling. As you had been the entire time you were conscious. Ronal having to stitch you up and while painful it wasn't as traumatizing and enduring labor alone.

You saw Ao'nung and then your father. And that's when you began to cry. You had been so scared and you were terrified as Ronal had not said a word about your baby.

"Shh its okay. Its okay sweet girl" Your father said stroking your head as you couldn't help but cry.

Ao'nung holding your hand before he felt his mother tap him on the shoulder. A small bundle. Barely the size of a healthy babe in her arms.

"He is tiny. Premature. But he is healthy" She spoke watching as all your family now surrounded her and watched.

She was right. Such a tiny little thing.

Ao'nung smiled. Kissing your head as he just held you. "healthy my love healthy"

You couldn't help but laugh a little through your sobs as you felt ronal lay the small thing on your chest. Sure now came the path of having to care for such a premature babe. But you were just glad all that pain. All that panic was worth it. Because as you two stared at your little son. It made it all worth it.

"Welcome to the family little one" You heard Neteyam say next to you. and Oh Eywa. Was it the thing you wanted to hear after hearing your babe cry too.

[topguncortez]

its been a couple of days since i made the tough choice to cut ties and temporarily walk away from a place that i love really really deeply.

but i’ve had some time to reflect and come to some conclusions about myself.

now excuse me while i vent out loud:

1) the phrase “once an addict, always an addict” is true. just because i don’t take pills anymore doesn’t mean i haven’t found a way to feed the craving of being addicted to something. im not 100% sure what that addiction is; maybe it’s that im a sucker for pain, maybe it’s i can’t walk away when i know i should, maybe it’s fucking caffeine (it’s 97% caffeine).

2) everyone heals and handles things differently. again, back to my past with addiction; some addicts can heal with still being able to be around the thing they are addicted to. i learned a long time ago, i am not that person. i have a hard time knowing when to walk away, but once i do… its like breathing fresh air. it hurts like a bitch sometimes but its also one of the best things for you. sometimes we get so blind with those rose colored glasses on, that we truly can’t see our own faults until we step back and reflect

3) i’m an angry person. i always have been and probably always will be. i’ve dealt with a lot of shitty things in my life. i’ve lost people who didn’t deserve to be taken away. i’ve watched some of the most vile humans get away with horrible offenses. i have been abused and assaulted. i’m angry. and there’s little i can do to shake that anger. however, i can control it. i can lock it away and deal with it in a healthy manner than just let it explode all over the place.

4). God knows what’s best for you. now, i don’t mean to get all religious on yall. i have struggled with my faith for years. I went through a period of time of questioning who God is and what his intentions are. If this great and almighty God sent his son to die to end our suffering… why are people still suffering? I still struggle with my faith, but i am relearning to put my trust in him and know that He is putting things in my life he knows I can overcome.

And finally,

5) never feel bad for doing things for yourself. i have been so well trained to put other peoples feelings above my own. for years, i have bit my tongue and told myself “i can’t say that, that’ll hurt their feelings” and let people continue to roll over me. believe it or not… i hate conflict. i hate awkward situations. i hate feeling like im being suffocated and i can’t breathe. i have become more vocal (good and bad thing) in speaking up when i have been hurt. it’s a slow learning process and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the ass cause i’m thrust into another situation i don’t know how to handle and the anxiety builds and then there’s tears and all that shit. but i have learned i should never feel bad for doing things for myself.

anyway, i know this is just a long ass vent that nobody is gonna read, but i hope maybe, just maybe this reaches someone who has been feeling the same way i have these past couple months.

i know not everyone has a great support system in real life that they can rely on when things get hard. i can honestly tell you that without some of the people in my everyday life and online life being there and helping me and offering me an ear to listen while i vent and scream at the world… i don’t think i’d still be here. but i want yall to know, if you need a place to vent and scream at the world, i am here for you. and i’ll do whatever i can to get you the help and resources if you need it. or if you just wanna get shit off your chest.

i’m here for you.

[trickstarbrave]

WIP WHENEVER

HIIIIIIIIII im very excited to share this wip. im so mad i wrote this out of order bc i wanna post it immediately. im looking forward tho to finally being able to edit and post it on ao3 normally

i got tagged by @caliblorn and @your-talos-is-problematic and im taggingggggg @woundjob, @thescrolls-haveforetold, @wellthebardsdead and my roommate @soundwavefucker69

here is smth for moon and star. lots of lorkhan talk. some chim. some trauma. even some dagoth ur

literally i was like "oh yeah. its all coming together" writing this also its long im sorry

also here is my god!nerevar sketch. can be interpreted also as just how lorkhan appears to neht and the ppl around him

Malacath’s hand touched his chest and pain wracked his body. Nerevar could feel the blade cutting away his skin—cutting through the bone of his sternum and splintering it. It ripped apart and opened his ribcage, before that damn hand was then inside his chest. His anxiety spiked as he could feel phantom touches on his heart, a hand gripping it, long claws digging into the muscle as it continued to beat loud and sturdy. His whole body had gone rigid, nostrils flared and his breathing coming in quick pants desperate to get more air in his lungs. 

He was terrified. More than terrified, in fact. It was like being killed in the heart chamber but all the more worse somehow. He was choking now, gagging on blood—thick, black blood that was pouring from his chest, bubbling up in his throat.

And then Nerevar was overcome with the urge to laugh. To laugh besides the terror coursing through him, to laugh even though he was gagging and choking on his own blood. He knew he would die; it had been a part of his plan all along. He hadn’t known what death would be like, but he had anticipated it, at least on his own terms. And yet here Trinimac was, killing him himself. Ripping his heart from his chest. 

He had intended the first death to be slow and simple. A fading ember rather than a bright, all encompassing flame that destroyed everything with it. He had intended to bear the burden as the cause of the first death in their reality where death did not yet exist—was merely a theory. But here Trinimac was, unknowingly mantling that sin himself. A cruel irony he would be the one to blame for this. It was not his fault, but it would be his responsibility and duty.

He’d collapsed at some point, gasping, crying, and choking on blood as Voryn held him close. Voryn shouldn’t see him like this—not his beloved, sobbing and begging. He couldn’t hear his voice over the drumming of his own heart but he tried to speak despite all the gagging he was doing. His gorgeous, sweet lover, his beautiful hawk shouldn’t have to watch him die like this. Not when Nerevar knew this was coming, deep down. Not when he had doomed them both, sacrificed Voryn’s life on the altar just as much as his own. He was regretting it now, if only because he couldn’t apologize; how could he speak when Trinimac had already ripped out his heart? How could he explain he never wanted to hurt Voryn in truth? How would his beloved hawk even react to his death? Oh the fury he could bring down, how he could drown the world in blood and tears if he was pushed to the brink…

And what of Azura, his sister? His poor, vain, vindictive sister… She hadn’t agreed to help him, but he knew she would be in a rage over his death. And even the man killing him was sobbing and crying, apologizing despite his lord—Nerevar’s own brother—ordering his execution. How could he apologize to this man? To tell him he knew he didn’t mean for it, that Nerevar was the villain all along in this story? Would that soothe his grief? Trinimac, Kyne, Azura, all of the others… How would they fair without him? Tears were now spilling from his eyes not from pain but sorrow that he wouldn’t be there to comfort and love them. Ah, if only he could kiss his hawk one last time…

“Nerevar!” Voryn’s voice finally cut through, and a disconnect happened in the vision. He was untethered now, the sensation of falling back into his own body hitting him, and his ears were ringing loudly, a dizziness washing over him. There were no more feathers on Voryn’s face or on his cloak—why would there be? Voryn wasn’t… Voryn wasn’t a hawk, why would he call him that so fondly? There weren’t even tears streaming down his face like he had seen before, but his face was in a grimace, pained watching him writhe and flail choking on imaginary blood.

His hand came up to his chest as he felt around, but there was no gaping wound like he’d expected. Why had he felt it so clearly then? His whole body was still shaking from the terror and pain, unable to calm the trembling. 

“Do you remember now, Lorkhan?” Malacath asked, still standing over him. Vivec and Sil were currently being held back by the numerous orcs, though they were swearing up a storm and desperately trying to fight their way closer to defend him. Even Voryn had a spell prepared as he cradled Nerevar close to his chest, posed with the ferocity of a wild animal protecting its young.

“I-I’m not…” Nerevar began, though it felt like a lie on his tongue. He could still taste the metallic black in his mouth, the unnatural blood he was choking on. His body felt hot now, his mouth dry making the metallic taste all the more nauseating. “Lorkhan is dead!” He shouted definitively. Lorkhan was a dead god—long dead before Nerevar had ever been born as a lowly half blooded chimer in that ebony mine. 

“And yet, here you are, alive and in the flesh.” Malacath responded, his expression unwavering. “I would know that heartbeat anywhere. I would know how you battle more than anyone else.”

“Stop it!” Nerevar shouted, covering his ears, still shaking. 

“Why you deny it is my only question for you.” 

“I’m not Lorkhan!” Nerevar growled, teeth bared. His whole body felt like it was burning, just like in the heart chamber. That supernatural chanting from his dream came back too, at the edges of his senses, as he fought back the urge to vomit. “I’m not Lorkhan, just shut up, shut up, shut up!!” 

The next thing he knew, everything went black, the last thing he heard being his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and Voryn calling his name. 

--

Nerevar’s eyes snapped open. His hands frantically touched at his chest, once again checking for the wound, only to find nothing. Still, the unmistakable ache was there, however faint. 

“Where…?” He found himself someplace… Bizarre. There was stone architecture, that much he knew, but it seemed… Foreign, though they were in a state of disarray. It looked like some kind of abandoned tower, the roof having long since caved in, vines growing over stone. In the middle, where Nerevar was laying was soft grass and a few wildflowers. He sat up, looking around even further, confused. 

“Damn Trinimac, causing problems again…” Someone behind him muttered, and Nerevar quickly turned to see--

Himself? 

He jumped, panicked. No, no he could tell it wasn’t himself. He looked a lot like Nerevar, and sounded a lot like Nerevar, but there was something off about his appearance. He was taller than Nerevar--around Voryn’s height maybe? His hair was much longer too, not to mention he was wearing long robes Nerevar would never wear given how complicated and annoying they looked. Not to mention the longer he looked at him the more his appearance seemed to change--subtle ripples you had to focus on to know. His eyes subtly changed shape, along with his other features, sort of at random in moments where if you blinked you’d miss them. 

“Apologies for that.” The man said, walking over and plopping down to sit next to Nerevar. “I never expected his followers to summon him, nor that he’d do something like that…”

“Who are you?” Nerevar asked, his heart still racing in his chest. The other simply plopped his chin in his hand, staring back at Nerevar, amused.

“You and your lover--both just asking questions instead of even trying to figure it out for yourselves…” He tsk-tsked with a soft click of his tongue and a shake of his head. 

“How the hell am I supposed to know who you are?” Nerevar snapped. “I don’t even know where I am!” 

“Easy, no need to raise your voice.” He still looked amused, despite Nerevar’s anger. 

“Why in Oblivion do you look like me?” Nerevar demanded an answer now; he was in no mood to play games at the moment. He felt his heart being ripped out by that damn orc god and now he had someone playing mind games with him. 

The other sighed.

“I am Lorkhan.” Nerevar’s blood ran cold. 

“What…?” Nerevar stared in confusion and shock. “But Lorkhan is--”

“Dead?” He asked with a smirk and a quirk of his brow. “Don’t I know it.” Lorkhan then laughed heartily. “But when did that stop the dead from interfering with the living from time to time?”

“Why are you here?” Nerevar asked, leaning away from him. 

“I thought it would be only fair to show myself to you after that stunt Trinimac pulled.” He explained. “Though I imagine the fact you were stabbed through the chest once before only made it that much harder for you.”

Nerevar was trying to figure out the situation he was in, putting the pieces together the best he could. Several daedra called him Lorkhan, and here was Lorkhan looking remarkably similar to Nerevar. Was it possible people were mixing them up based on appearance? That didn’t seem quite right; it would make sense for Malacath and potentially Dagon, but Dagon didn’t call him Lorkhan initially, and not to mention it wouldn’t explain the nords. He doubted the elf hating people of Skyrim would so readily accept an elven appearance for their chief deity. Nor did it explain the strange, supernatural beating of his heart that drove him to accomplish strange feats out of sheer willpower alone. 

“... Why do you look like me?” Nerevar repeated his question again.

“Come now, I thought you’d be smart enough to figure that out.” Lorkhan laughed again. 

“Answer me.” 

“Well,” Lorkhan’s grin looked mischievous now. “It’s only fitting I look like you because I am you, don’t you think?”

This time a numbing tingle followed the chill in his blood. “Y… You…”

“Or well, I suppose it might be easier to understand if I say you’re a part of me.” Lorkhan continued. “You wouldn’t be the first mortal to be a fragment of me, anyways.”

“I’m not you!” Nerevar snapped, gritting his teeth. He did what he was best at: lashing out when he was truly scared and confused--when problems became too difficult to ignore or solve on his own. “I’m not you! I’m not Lorkhan!!”

Silence followed, the faint sound of birds chirping having vanished, the sky turning a stormy gray. He was panting from his outburst of yelling, but the screaming hadn’t really solved anything. Lorkhan was still sitting in front of him, looking at him with a serious expression, unphased. He was still in this crumbling tower, sitting in the grass. 

How long could he run from this? Daedric princes called him Lorkhan. The nords called him Shor. The strange visions he received that only made sense if they were Lorkhan’s memories, not to mention his heart--

Nerevar curled up, hands moving up as he felt a pain in his chest, clutching his shirt tightly. 

He was scared. He was scared and he didn’t know what was going on. He was terrified because ultimately, he didn’t know what this meant. He didn’t know what this made him.

Gingerly, two arms wrapped around him, pulling him up from the fetal position he curled himself into and into a warm embrace.

“Shh, it’s alright,” Lorkhan whispered, “Just let it out.” As soon as he said that, tears were flowing out of Nerevar’s eyes as he openly sobbing into his shoulder, holding onto him. Nerevar never really had a father--as the Nerevarine he was an orphan who didn’t really know who his parents were and as Nerevar his father was hunted down before the two of them ever met. But at that moment Nerevar couldn’t deny there was something paternal in the way Lorkhan held him gently, letting him cry and sob with arms that felt so much stronger than Nerevar could imagine. As alien as it was, he felt safe in his arms, the pain in his chest fading though he was still distraught and crying. 

Eventually though, his tears died down to soft whimpers rather than open sobs, Lorkhan stroking his hair all the while. 

“It’s alright.” He repeated, trying to reassure Nerevar.

“It’s not alright.” Nerevar countered. “If I’m just you that means I don’t really exist!” It was the truth; if he was just some shard of Lorkhan then he had no real identity of his own. He was just a piece of a larger whole, delusional in that it thought itself independent and separate. “No one really knows me. No one really loves me.” The person Voryn loved wasn’t even real, just a false identity of someone who denied who they truly were. Was the person Voryn actually loved just the pieces of Lorkhan that made up Nerevar? Lorkhan said there were other mortals like him--what if Voryn left him for someone who was a larger, better part of Lorkhan? “I’m just a part of you, an extension of you. I don’t have any thoughts or feelings of my own!”

“Hey now, that’s not true.” Lorkhan interjected. “If you had no thoughts or feelings of your own, how could you deny being me?” 

“But--”

“You have thoughts and feelings and emotions of your own.” Lorkhan reiterated. “You have your own identity, your own history, your own relationships.” Lorkhan gently dried the tears on his cheeks, careful of the sharp nails on his hands. “You don’t have all the same traits as me, and likewise, how you act on things is entirely up to you.” 

“But then how am I you?” Nerevar asked, apprehensive. 

“Hm… How to explain this…” Lorkhan began, humming softly, trying to gather his thoughts. “... Do you know that sometimes people take cuttings from plants to make a new one?”

Nerevar did know that, though he’d never done so himself. He was bad at growing plants, but he’d heard of it a few times. 

“When they take a cutting from a tree for instance, it was once a part of that tree.” Lorkhan continued. “One of the many, smaller branches of it. But with care and cultivation, it grows roots of its own, and then spreads itself deep into the soil as a little sapling, before finally growing into a tree itself.” Lorkhan then smiled at him. “You’re like a cutting made from me that grew into its own tree. We might be made up of the same things and bear the same fruit, but you might have different branches than me and grow in different ways.” 

“... But what if someone only loves that tree because of its fruit?” Nerevar asked. 

What if Voryn only loved him for the parts of him that were Lorkhan? What if, when Voryn found out, he became disillusioned? Why would he bother with having Nerevar as a lover if he was just a part of a larger whole? What if there was a better piece of Lorkhan out there to love, or he could simply worship the dead god in earnest to get closer to the source?

Lorkhan responded by pinching his cheek playfully, pulling Nerevar from his mental spiral.

“Then someone doesn’t really love that tree specifically, now do they?” 

“But--”

“Trees are much more than the fruit they bear.” Lorkhan continued, cutting him off. “They provide shade in the sun, and shelter in the rain. They are homes for birds, and the wind whistles through the branches to make music, or even children play in the branches and leaves.” Lorkhan was still smiling at him warmly. “Even if they love the fruit it makes too, not just any fruit tree can be their tree. And if they only love the fruit, wouldn’t you prefer someone who really loved the tree to take care of it rather than someone who only cared about what the tree produced?” 

Ah, Nerevar saw what he was getting at here. If Voryn only loved the parts of him that were Lorkhan and didn’t care about him otherwise, that meant he didn’t really love Nerevar. Nerevar’s hand reached over to caress the scar on his left shoulder gently, unable to really feel it through his shirt and armor, but comforted by the knowledge it was there nonetheless. 

Would Voryn have really asked Nerevar to carve his name into him if he didn’t love Nerevar? Perhaps the rest of Lorkhan didn’t appeal to Voryn. Perhaps the other traits other mortals shared with Lorkhan weren’t the same as how Nerevar was. Nerevar wanted to trust Voryn with his heart and make this work--he shouldn’t be assuming once again that Voryn would be quick to leave him and replace him with someone else. Voryn committed to Nerevar.

“There we go.” Lorkhan smiled, seeing his stormy expression fade. 

“... But I don’t know what any of this means.” Nerevar continued. “Why am I a part of you? What does any of this mean?” How was he supposed to move forward like this? How many other daedra would challenge him calling him Lorkhan? “How can I tell what’s my thoughts and abilities and what’s just yours? How can I tell if I’m even real?” 

That was the part Nerevar was still grappling with. If he was called Lorkhan and acted like Lorkhan and did what Lorkhan was supposed to do… Didn’t that just make him Lorkhan? When he was the Nerevarine he slowly just assumed Nerevar’s memories, thoughts, and identity after he was sent back in time--or was going back in time not real either. “The future--what about my memories of the future? Are those fake too or--”

Lorkhan smiled softly, almost knowingly. 

“Oh little star,” Lorkhan chuckled as though he was recounting something funny. “None of your memories of the future are real.”

“... Huh?” They weren’t… Real? “But Dagoth Ur--the Tribunal--” Didn’t Vivec have a vision of Nerevar being killed as king? That was in the future Nerevar saw as well.

“None of it was real.” Lorkhan was still smiling, but Nerevar was sent spiraling again. 

It was all so real. Nerevar could feel it. He felt Vivec’s spear ramming through him. He could hear the hurt and betrayal in Dagoth Ur’s voice, along with the cold anger as he revealed he would never be able to trust Nerevar even if Nerevar had agreed to join him. Almalexia had attempted to kill him a second time as the Nerevarine, and he remembered fighting her after discovering Sotha Sil’s mangled corpse. 

Panic set in then. If none of that was real then… Why did he not remember his past? Why had he dreamed up such a strange turn of events? Why--

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Lorkhan leaned in close, a devilish smirk on his face now. “I’m not real either.”

Nerevar blinked in shock, only to find Lorkhan was gone. In fact, everything was gone now, leaving Nerevar floating in an inky, black void. 

Nerevar’s panic rose at that. It could have been Lorkhan just telling him he was a figment of Nerevar’s imagination and not actually the ghost of a dead god but… Nerevar knew that wasn’t the case. He could feel it, deep in the pit of his stomach, and the revelation was not a comforting one. He was left entirely untethered in this void, and looking down at his hands, he saw himself flickering in and out. 

If Nerevar was Lorkhan, and Lorkhan didn’t exist, then that meant that he didn’t exist either. Really didn’t exist. It was so much more comfortable to imagine himself as a shard of Lorkhan, living and moving on its own, ignorant to the fact it was part of a larger whole. 

A clawed hand touched his back and a sickening chill overtook him as he found himself in the heart chamber of Red Mountain once again. He was trembling as he continued to flicker in and out of existence. The heart’s rhythm was equally unsteady, stopping and starting at random, the sounds a disjointed mess. 

If the heart of the world was not stable--was not real--then what did that make the world?

What did that make his friends? The people he loved? 

What did that make Voryn?

A familiar voice called out to him, large, clawed hands gripping him tightly and pulling him in close.

“I told you once before,” Dagoth Ur began, “We are bound to the dreamsleeve together.” Nerevar knew that wasn’t right, but he didn’t know how to counter it either. 

“I am the dreamer,” Dagoth Ur continued, “And this is all my dream, my sweet Nerevar.” Nerevar didn’t like the fondness in his tone. This was a twisted version of Voryn, corrupted and maddened, fully delusional. He preferred Voryn sane and warm, affectionate and protective. He didn’t want the delirious, maddened version of him that was Dagoth Ur.

Then, the two had changed locations. Instead of the heart chamber with the unsteady heartbeat echoing around them, they were in what seemed to be a rainbow colored river, all the different colors flowing in strange, glowing patterns. They moved up and down, left and right, forwards and backwards, swirls of color that flowed like incoherent water simultaneously both much thicker and almost syrupy than pure water, and also like it was barely there as they caressed his legs. Each movement came with a strange, fragmented thought, emotion, or memory. 

“You are simply a part of my dream.” Dagoth Ur’s hands moved to the front of him now, caressing at his chest. “My most glorious, beautiful creation…” 

Nerevar knew that wasn’t true either though. It was an instinctive knowledge, perhaps, but he could tell that was simply not the case. If there was a dreamer, it certainly wasn’t Dagoth Ur. 

And then Nerevar looked to his hands to see he was a dunmer again, grey skin and all to match the equally grey hands on his chest. One of Nerevar’s hands moved to caress the scar left from corprus he got as a Nerevarine when he was forcibly attacked to infect him with it, sending him further in his quest, ironically. The scar was an ugly, messy thing--a gross mess of scar tissue trying in vain to form over an injury that wasn’t truly there, growing more mangled and grotesque by the day. Before he couldn’t remember where the attack was from Gares, as his memories of the Third Era faded more and more with his time in Resdayn like a hazy dream, leaving him unsure if it was on his chest, his stomach, his thigh, or his arm. But now he remembered it was--

All of them. He had been hit by the attack in all of those places, in different moments in time, in different versions of the same event. And in that way, it wasn’t one moment specifically but simply an event that could have played out differently, in a way bending and contorting around the flow of fate. And just as he realized it, the scar itself faded entirely. 

“Nerevar, stop this.” Dagoth Ur warned, his voice concerned. Almost frightened if Nerevar was being honest, though he knew the other wouldn’t admit to it. 

“It… Didn’t happen.” 

“Yes, it did.” Dagoth ur stressed, but Nerevar stepped away from his hands, walking along the multicolored river. “Do you doubt your own memories? My own memories?” Dagoth Ur insisted. “Just as that was my dream, this too is my dream. A dream where we get to be together.” His voice took on a facsimile of warmth and affection. “A dream where nothing can keep us apart--”

“No,” Nerevar countered, his voice soft. “It happened and… It didn’t. Just how this… None of this is real either.” The thought wasn’t as scary as it was the first time around. In fact, the revelation seemed to almost bring some relief. He dipped his hand into the liquid that pooled around his thighs, running his fingers through it in what seemed to be an arbitrary pattern, relishing in the feelings that washed over him. Like this, he could make them seem coherent. Like this he could move them until he could faintly hear a song--

“Nerevar Mora, return to my side at once.” Dagoth Ur’s tone was threatening again. It seemed that Nerevar had gotten under his skin. 

“You are not a god. I’m not a figment of your dream…” Nerevar could insist if anything he might be the one dreaming all of this up but… He knew that wasn’t quite right either. Lorkhan didn’t exist. Nerevar didn’t exist, so he couldn’t be the one dreaming. But he knew he wasn’t a figment of Dagoth Ur’s imagination, that was for certain. “... And you’re not a figment of mine.”

Dagoth Ur was in front of him again, clawed hands gripping his arms tightly while his teeth audibly grit from behind the gold mask. “If I am not the dreamer then you’re saying I don’t exist! Do you even understand what you’re saying?!” His hands gripped Nerevar’s arms even tighter, but Nerevar himself was unphased. “I exist because I say I exist. You exist because I allow you to exist.”

“Or have you forgotten your nightmares? The memories of me?” Dagoth ur changed gears now that he saw it wasn’t persuading Nerevar. “Have you forgotten the way you shuddered at my touch? Or the way I could make such sweet, passionate love to you that you forgot everything else?” Nerevar had to admit he did in fact enjoy those moments with Voryn; Nerevar loved nothing more than losing himself completely in Voryn’s body, of being unable to think about nothing else but how wonderful Voryn could make him feel. But Nerevar knew he couldn’t forget this whole mess even happened and fall readily back into Voryn’s arms, trying to delude himself that it was real. He knew he’d go mad even trying, unable to take joy from it as he tried to deny the reality he was confronted with before. 

“Do not make me rip you asunder and remake you.” Dagoth Ur threatened, venom dripping off his tongue. But at the threat, Nerevar reached his hands out, cupping the golden mask in them, before throwing the mask off entirely. 

His face looked like Voryn’s but so much older and more tired. His eyes were dead, glazed over and foggy, with only the third eye on his forehead seemingly capable of sight. His complexion was equally dead--ashen even for a dunmer. A dead sleeper who dreamed he was still alive, just as that wise woman said so long ago. 

Nerevar leaned up, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. He didn’t like this maddened version of Voryn, but he knew he still loved him. He loved Dagoth Ur and mourned for him. As horrible as it was, it was a mercy for Nerevar to slay him as the Nerevarine. It was a mercy for things to return to the past so they could have a better future, one where Nerevar wouldn’t hurt him as cruelly as he did the first time around. 

Then, just as the gentle kiss started, Nerevar pulled away, whispering softly. The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even realized it, but the truth spoken in them was more real than anything else he had seen. 

“I already unmade you.” 

Dagoth Ur stared down at him in shock, before, like ash in the wind, he faded. And Nerevar was left standing alone in the dreamsleeve. 

Yet, something was gnawing at his psyche. If Dagoth Ur was not the dreamer and didn’t allow him to exist, then what was his purpose? If this was all a dream, then who was dreaming? 

Dread washed over Nerevar again, overwhelming him as he felt like someone or something was watching him. Like he was a tiny insect crawling where he shouldn’t have, about to be crushed by the figure that finally realized he existed. 

Yet, part of Dagoth Ur’s words made sense. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. Nerevar could either stand there and accept it and fade into the liquid around him and dissolve into nothingness…

Or he could insist he did exist. That he wanted to exist. That he wanted to continue on, in spite of how nonsensical it was. 

“... I exist because I will it.” Nerevar knew he wasn’t the dreamer, but he existed in spite of it. He refused to vanish and become nothing more than a disjointed collective of memories free floating around him. 

“Well done.” Lorkhan’s voice echoed, and Nerevar found himself once more in the black, inky void, outside of the dreamsleeve. “I was a bit afraid you might not be able to handle it,” He chuckled softly, “But I can see it was silly of me to worry. You already remade the world, you’d be ready to handle the revelation of the tower.” 

“Was that… You?” Nerevar questioned, wondering if Lorkhan took on the appearance of Dagoth Ur just to help him along. 

“No. What was in fact a remnant of Dagoth Ur, based on your memories.”

“My memories?” Nerevar raised a brow, as the crumbling tower and soft grass slowly came back into focus around him, real and present once more. It was more comfortable than just free floating anyways. 

“Things can’t exist if nothing remembers them.” Lorkhan explained. “But you remembered him, so he continued hiding and lurking…”

“Would he…” Nerevar began, apprehensively. “Would Voryn have become him again…?”

“No.” Lorkhan’s voice was firm and confident, making Nerevar relieved. “Your beloved has already rejected that path.”

“Then how could he exist?”

“He existed outside of Voryn. A part of him and also not. Perhaps in a way also part of you?” It was a confusing explanation, but Nerevar supposed that was in line with everything else so far. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t exist anymore--not as he did just now.” Lorkhan hummed softly again. “Now he’s merely a memory, returned to water once more.” 

“I… Don’t understand.” Once again, Lorkhan reached over to pinch Nerevar’s cheek.

“Yes you do, don’t lie to me about that.” 

“I mean I get that he’s no longer a problem since I just saw him vanish but I don’t… Know how I did that.” 

“He was mostly tied to you. It would have been very easy for anyone in those circumstances to cut him off.” Lorkhan clicked his tongue. “Then again, I suppose not everyone can be connected to the dreamsleeve and confront not existing as well as you did.”

“So I don’t exist?” It was a question, but not asking for an answer more so a confirmation that he was understanding it correctly. 

“You don’t. And yet, you do.” Lorkhan confirmed, before elaborating. “All of us exist in that state. But I made Nirn in the first place because I realized it was impossible to move beyond that revelation and actually do something about it without real growth--growth that can only come from trial.”

“... What?” Now he was losing Nerevar. Go beyond the revelation of not existing? How would you even move past something like that? 

“Dagoth Ur had a few things correct I’ll admit.” Lorkhan continued, almost rambling now given how little it made sense to Nerevar. “The trial of flesh is needed to overcome the dream…”

“Again, I don’t really understand.” Nerevar interjected, before Lorkhan sighed.

“Ah… Right. I’m getting ahead of myself.” He then reached over, pulling Nerevar into a hug once more. “We don’t have all day, unfortunately. Linear time still exists.” He gave Nerevar’s back a firm pat. “I would explain if I could but… Well, we’d be here for some time. I think your beloved is calling you.” A ringing was in Nerevar’s ears now, the rest of the dream getting fuzzier and fuzzier. 

“Voryn…?” Nerevar asked, before his eyes cracked open. 

He wasn’t in the grass, but laying on Voryn’s cot, blinking up in a confused daze. It was night, that he could tell from how dark it was in the tent. Beside him, he heard a gasp, as Voryn looked to him frantically. 

“Oh thank gods,” Voryn looked close to tears. “Nerevar, do you have any idea how worried I was?” He cupped Nerevar’s cheek, his hand warm and familiar. It felt like Nerevar had been away for ages and also hardly any time at all. “I thought I almost lost you again…”

“I’m alright,” Nerevar sat up slowly, but his arms felt weak. “How long was I out for…?”

“More than a day.” Voryn explained, before helping support Nerevar’s upper body, settling Nerevar to lean against him. “Nothing we did could wake you up. We wanted to raze that damn orc camp to the ground,” He could hear the anger in Voryn’s voice. “But Malacath said his people would assist us and that you would wake up in time.” 

Nerevar could tell Voryn hadn’t believed the prince--not after what seemed like an attack on Nerevar. 

“I’m fine now.” Nerevar insisted, stroking Voryn’s face. “I’m--”

“Is he awake?” Vivec asked from outside the tent, and Voryn stiffened under Nerevar’s weight.

“He just woke up--” Voryn began, “Give him a few minutes to regain his senses before you shake him down for answers.”

Vivec entered the tent now, his brow furrowed. “You swore I could ask my questions when he awoke.” 

“At least give him until the morning.” Voryn pleaded. Vivec looked between the two of them, and it seemed that Nerevar looked haggard enough for Vivec to relent, though he was unhappy about doing so. 

“Fine,” Vivec scowled, leaving the tent once more. “In the morning I want answers.”

[pumpkinsy0]

To that last anon that asked about toxic Purly stuff, I argue that The Shepards never take credit for their bad behavior or misdoings. Everything is always someone else's fault. Like it's the Soc's fault the cops tail Greasers, or it's the State's fault that their home life was so crappy, or its the teacher's fault for failing them when they needed that class to not be held behind (that last one was more so my reasoning as to why Curly and Pony are in the same grade).

Now, psychologists have pointed out that blaming others can be a defense mechanism abused kids do a lot so they don't get in trouble. It carries into adulthood.

I see Curly blaming anything and everything for why something went wrong and Ponyboy getting fed up with it. Like Curly blames the fact his car is not working is why they can't go on that date Curly has promised Pony for months (never mind Curly doesn't have the money for it and kept putting it off) and the next thing either of them know they're arguing. This could be classified as Papercut toxic-ness, I guess.

For Ponyboy it could be the fact he's so codependant. After loosing his parents and his friends so quickly and not being able to grieve properly, I could see him wanting to be with Curly a lot, they don't have to do anything, he could just want to sit down next to him and read a book or something; he just doesn't know how to verbalize that he's in pain and being close helps ease him. But this could make Curly fed up cause "Pony, why you followin' me? I'm going to take a piss, will ya' shove off?!" People do need personal space and Ponyboy not respecting that could be labled toxic as well.

that's all i had to say, lol sorry for the essay. :D

bro gave me a yappuccino /j /lh

BUT THATS KINDA WHAT I MEAN, they arent abusive either way u put it, they make bad choices bc they r quite literally broke kids w barely any outlet to express themselves w and trying to find their way in life, toxic doesnt have to mean just things like accidentally neglecting or whatever, it can just be “small” things

a character being characterized as aggressive doesnt automatically mean they r gonna b abusive in a relationship

plus i think the shepards have abusive parents and they TRY not to be like them, not saying they dont get some things from them, of course not, its canon they do, but i do think they TRY to be better than that, ofc they have parts to work on but they r def not hitting someone they r with, tim and curly CANONICALLY wouldnt allow it w angela, why would they allow themselves to do it, no matter how u twist it they arent doin that😭😭

also im cryin imagine trying to pee and u look over and ur bfs like this trynna follow u