#its not even that its scary or sad or stressful though its all those things

[thisstableground]

an interesting change in the internet from when i was younger is that when i was younger it felt like online is where things were happening, compared to being very lonely in a tiny village with nothing to do. the world online was so vibrant and full and made me feel alive. there were new places to go! forums and separate communities and weird lttle corners, exciting new ways to create things that were usually messy and visibly homemade, and i didn’t like all of it but it sure beat real life for me.

now, though, even though the internet is more populated and more part of everyone’s life than it was back in 2008, with a few exceptions any time i try and find something that feels alive on the internet it has that feeling like in a pokemon game after you’ve already defeated the elite four and you’re going round the earlier towns, youtube reddit twitter tumblr over and over like there’ll suddenly be another full story for you to play. there are no new locations. there’s still people everywhere, but everyone’s saying the same things they said at the start of the journey and there’s this purgatorial melancholy to the repetition. i’ve heard this before. you’ve said this before. this isn’t an exciting step on my journey, it’s the emptiness of finishing a project but not being ready to start a new one, so you keep looking for new things to do to make this one fresh and exciting and fun again but it just keeps getting smaller and more hollow and more repetitive

a few exceptions, of course. i do like posting fic and art and being able to talk about it with people who are excited to discuss headcanons or interpretations of things. i’d stick around on tumblr because i only follow about ten people so don’t have the option to doomscroll and i have a couple people i talk to exclusively through here. the rest of it though? i think i’m done. i really think i’m just getting to the point where once i’m done with work i’m just going to turn the internet off because it’s not even the mindless kind of captivating any more. it’s all just pallet town with a full pokedex.

[vxnillsstuff]

To follow up on my last ask. Yes! I would love to have some general dating headcanons with Prismo and if possible a gender-neutral reader. I'm just scraping by the content provided for Prismo. He deserves the world.

Dating Prismo headcanons! - Prismo (Fiona and Cake) x GN!Reader

—————

BACKSTORY (in order)

I like to think you two met through like something silly. You finally got to tell him your wish after a long journey, but in the end, you really didn’t know what you wanted. You just wanted a purpose.

He was a bit overwhelmed at first because he had never seen anyone like… not know what they want other than that one time someone couldn’t focus because of him ignoring his responsibilities, causing the loud beeping on his remote but that’s a story for another time ^_−☆.

He just sat there and shared a drink with you, talking about how wishes are hard and stuff.

After some time, you found yourself slowly warming up to Prismo. He wasn’t as scary as all the myths you had heard said.

Over the months, you would come visit him, even though the journey was pretty rough. You pushed though, want to see your new… friend.

You would always jokingly scold him for drinking too much or if his beard was getting long.

He would always blow off your worries but by the next time you would come visit him, you could see that he had freshened up his small scruff and his box-ish-home would have looked a little bit cleaner.

One day, you had caught him in his small box-ish-home, looking sad.

He had explained that he had wished for something silly for himself and that it didn’t work. He knew it wouldn’t work.

You asked him what it was and he said that he wished he could have you.

You were slightly stunned by his “wish” but, you two sat and talked about it for a bit.

You found that he had feelings for you and you had felt some of those same feelings.

You two spent a few more months getting to know each other and you had started visiting him more often.

Eventually, you two started dating and it was super cute! He was all nervous, explaining that he hasn’t dated anyone in a while.

WHAT ITS LIKE DATING HIM (no specific order)

He always did small things for you. For example, if he was out doing something while you visited, he would put out tiny things of food or flowers for you. You would never mention these small gestures but you really did like them.

He would always wrap his “arms” around you and talk about how different things would be if he wasn’t the wish-maker.

You would explain that you liked him no matter what form or job he had and he would thank you for that.

LOTS of teasing. He thought you were just so cute and had to point out every gesture and action that you did.

He also needed a LOT of reassurance when you guys first started dating because he didn’t want to get hurt or anything. You would reassure him and tell him how much you cared and yada yada.

It took him a while to open up about his actual job and how much stress it brings him at times and you helped him through those feelings and stuff.

He would talk about how he hated seeing you leave and how he wished you could just stay there forever.

It hurt you to explain how you couldn’t and how you had a life back down on Ooo that you couldn’t just disappear from your life.

He would always talk about his favorite universes and he would spill ever little detail about them, like a teenage girl. ✨Gossip✨.

You two rarely fight but every now and then you would get in tense disagreements about your conflicting lives. In the end, he would apologize and you guys would make up.

Note: if this does good I’ll probably make a part 2 later! Sorry if these seem sloppy, I’m typing on my phone since I’m on a roadtrip. ε-(´∀｀; )

[steadypet101]

Igor, Eva, Scamper, and Brain headcannons #1 (Are the four great or not so great with kids?)

Igor- He is great with kids. Especially with kids who have disabilities and hunchbacked children. He would often have frequent visits either by himself or bring two or three of his friends with him and have reading sessions or read storybooks to the children in schools, to the orphans at the orphanage, to the blind orphans at the Home for Blind Orphans, and to the patients at children hospitals. Even though he doesn't plan on having any children of his own, he loves to help children to be happy and supportive of their dreams when they grow up. He is gentle with babies and toddlers. He studied their behaviors and knew whether or not they were distressed. Whenever they're sad or crying, he would comforted them with stuffed animals or just toys. Mainly, he uses reassuring words to help them feel at ease. He is really overprotective of them. He even made sure that they won't crawl anywhere dangerous or touch anything that's hazardous. He especially would never leave them unintended. Not for a millisecond. When making formulas, he made sure that he gave them the right amounts of milk, the temperature is just right, and that they're well-fed. He is a gentle and patient soul towards the kids, toddlers, and infants. The kids can be ecstatic when they see him, making him like a father figure to them. He doesn't mind. Although, he admits that being an actual father can have its challenges. He feared that he will never be a great father nor will he ever cut out to be one. Maybe it's because he's gotten used of Brain and Scamper who acted like children sometimes. They would drive him crazy. Or maybe it's because he is afraid that he can do something wrong when raising a child and it can result of him to be as a failure as a parent (it can be one of those two things IDK). Regardless, he loves to protect and look after children. He doesn't plan of being a father anytime soon.

Eva- She is definitely great with kids, especially when she is playing with the blind orphans. She is extremely cautious when carrying or handling babies since they are smaller compared to children. She oftentimes tag along with Igor whenever he have one of his frequent visits to certain places. She loves to sing songs and entertain to the children and babies. She can either sing by herself or with Igor (with his guitar) or Brain for a duet or just all of them together (she never asks Scamper to sing because she can't force him to do something he's not comfortable with which is fine with him). As a frankenmonster, she is unable to reproduce. But that's okay. Being a parent can be a scary and a stressful experience. She is like a mother hen and a great caregiver to the children and babies. She teaches the kids of how to be polite, learn good manners, how to be gentle for living beings such as animals and their baby siblings, understanding the dangers and safety of the world, stranger dangers, what to do and what not to do, and talk to them about life lessons. She loves to play pretend tea party and play games with the kids. Lifting them and pretend that they are airplanes are their favorite game. She is genuinely gentle, patient, and very motherly towards the children. The kids and the babies love her. She made extra sure that they are all safe.

Scamper- He is not so great with kids or babies in general. He thinks that kids are too much and their yelling freaks him out a little. When the infants do cry, he would panic and doesn't know what to do. He would never wanted babies of his own in his immortal life. He doesn't go with his friends if they're visiting children often. He usually stayed behind back home. But not wanting to make them feel bad, he tags along with them. As long they don't make him do anything embarrassing in front of the kids or let them play with his long ears or his cotton tail. But overall, he somewhat tolerate kids, toddlers, and infants as long as he isn't left alone with them. He wouldn't last 5 seconds with them alone. Although he must admit, some little kids love rabbits, especially him. He lets them pet him for a few seconds (he would tapping his foot when being scratched at his favorite spot as a habit). The kids see him as a therapy rabbit, which he doesn't mind. He just doesn't want to handle or deal with them alone. Nor he wanted any much affection or attention in general.

Brain- It's a 50/50 for him. He got along with kids. But with babies and toddlers? Not so much. He likes to play with kids. But he is not good of watching or babysitting them. Never leave him with one or more kids. Just don't. Because if anything happens that would require two arms, it can lead to disaster. He may be reckless and irresponsible at times, but he know a thing or two to make them smile and laugh. He can let one or two children ride on his robotic arm and drive around as if they're riding a race car (as shown in the prequel book when playing with the blind orphans). He would tell jokes and perform silly tricks to entertain them. What's really difficult for him is when the infants start crying and he doesn't know what to do since they don't know how to talk yet. That's why he would bond and play with the older children really well because they can talk of what they want. He is good with kids. He tolerates toddlers and babies, but he doesn't want to hurt them accidentally when holding them. He can't read words in children's books (only through the pictures in the pages), but he improvise to make the story more imaginative for the kids. They absolutely loved how he's telling them. Even Igor and Eva were impressed by his storytelling. Even Scamper admits it's pretty nice despite its childish and lame, but it's what makes the kids happy. He respects that. Brain feels appreciated for his quirks. That's what makes him be him. There is nothing that can change all of that.

It took me a couple of hours to come up with something like this yesterday and today. It's been in my head for a while ago, and I wanted to get it out. I'm not sure what headcanons I should do next. I'm sure they'll come up to me eventually.

I hope y'all like this 🩷

[jils-things]

happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!

[masterwords]

Would you write Morgan getting Hotch a teddy bear while he's in hospital. Maybe with the line-

"if you're gonna act like a baby I'll treat you like one"

But really Hotch hasn't been given a gift like that in a long time and loves it even though he would never admit it.

Um. So. This happened. I'm not sure where this prompt crossed wires in my head and became this whole huge thing but...here we have autistic Hotch in the hospital after Foyet, and just...it got out of hand. I also brought back an OC I wrote in a different story (Happy Place) because she's a really fun nurse. I hope this isn't too far from what you were going for.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Post-Foyet hospital (stab wounds/bandages), swearing...it's pretty soft and tame, he's mostly just grumpy

** Feel the Heal **

“How is your pain?”

The gown is rubbing his thighs. That's all he can think about. The way the gown rubs against the hair on his legs, the way the blanket is threadbare and wrinkles at his ankles. Pain is the last thing on his mind. He can't tell her that, though.

“It's okay,” he deadpans. She shakes her head and holds up the clipboard with the sad faces on it. He hates that thing. It doesn't make sense to him, they all just look sad and he really can't figure out which one is the sad that he is supposed to say. Which one conveys being sad while also being in pain while also feeling out of control and like you're one fraction of a moment away from total meltdown?

None of them look like that. And the worst part is that those faces are stressing him out because he would normally be able to figure this out but for some reason he just can't clear the swirling fog in his brain.

“Last hour you said you were here, have things changed?”

The blanket. The gown. The lights. He isn't thinking about the pain even though he feels it. “No.”

“Good.” She smiles and nods, initialing beside the little face for the second time and setting the clipboard down. After that its the poking and the prodding, she's adjusting wires and tubes, she's changing out bags of fluid and recording everything. She's untying the gown from behind his neck and pulling it down, letting it pool in his lap so she can peek behind his bandages. The tape pulls at his hairs and he feels his skin crawl, his fists tighten, his fingernails dig into his palms.

“We'll need to change those on the next round,” she says nonchalantly and he suppresses a shudder. In the corner Dave is reading a book, pretending not to watch, pretending to give him privacy. Emily will come next, in twenty two minutes he knows. Because routine has already been established. The nurses come in every hour, the doctors every two to three, and his team changes out every four. Shifts.

This routine makes him more anxious than not knowing, because he has no control over any aspect of it. No one asked him what he thought, they're all operating on righteousness. This is for his safety and well-being. The lights in the room are always on, there is always noise, and when Emily comes she turns on the television. When JJ comes she wants to talk. Dave is content to read a book, but every so often he wants to read some of it to Hotch just to make some attempt at filling the empty space. Penelope brings treats for the nurses and thinks she'll entice him to eat, but she doesn't understand how sick he feels and she gets that teary eyed look when he says no thank you.

Best behavior. He's on his best behavior even though that part is physically painful. But if he isn't, then they get upset and nervous, so he's focused hard on just getting through it without making things worse for them. He's had to answer questions in the hundreds about the attack, he's submitted to a rape kit because the parts of his memory that are nothing but a void come with scary bookends. Maybe this will change the way you profile...

He shivers and holds his breath while she leans in close and ties his gown up again. What happened to him has been turned into a spectacle and he can't be alone, they won't allow it, and it's all he wants. If he just had some time to himself he could refocus, settle himself. Make his head stop spinning.

“There is a new nurse filling in down here tonight. Her name is Norma, she'll round on you at 7. She's normally down in the ER but we're short-staffed.” She paused and put her hand on her hip, smiling at him. “She's a little rough around the edges. ER nurses, you know. They're different down there.”

He frowns, not sure how to take that, but he catalogs it anyway. Under normal circumstances he might have been able to pick out sarcasm or a joke hidden in there, but it all sounded simple and straight forward to his jumbled mind. So he just remembers it, and when Dave leaves and Emily comes in, he's still focused on the nurse change. Rough around the edges. Different. He's more than a little fixated on that, which is kind of nice because suddenly he's not thinking about the damn blanket or the gown or the fucking lights that make his head hurt.

“Hey,” Emily says, approaching the bed cautiously. She's already made him angry enough times to know she needs to tread lightly. Especially at night. He's been here two days and it feels like a lifetime. “How are things tonight?”

He doesn't look at her. “Fine.” He says it with a finality that makes her huff and shake her head. She's given up on trying to coax him out, he'll come around when he's ready. Or never. He knows she was in his apartment, looked through his things, and he's being really fussy about that because the part that really bothers him, that she saw the blood, that she knows...he can't even access that area of his mind yet. She can't relate to this kind of trauma, and she can't relate to how he processes things, so she just goes to her corner quietly and flips the television on. He doesn't make a sound but she knows it irritates him, he makes no attempt to hide it. He won't say anything about it though.

When Norma comes in, Emily is watching The Simpsons and Hotch is sleeping. It isn't a deep sleep, and it's been more than a little restless if the heart monitor is anything to go by, but he's still sleeping. “I haven't seen you before,” Emily says, jumping up to check out the new nurse. Remembering that she's not just here to babysit the patient, she's here to keep him safe and that means vetting each new person who enters his room.

“I'm Norma,” the woman says in her raspy sweet voice and flashes her badge. “I was the Charge Nurse on shift when he was brought in the other day.” Emily's eyes go wide, her lips parting only slightly in shock. Norma just smiles. “I'm glad he pulled through. It didn't look good for a while. We all thought...well, here I am babbling about something you don't want to hear about.”

“I'm glad too,” Emily repeats quietly, turning to look at him, remembering suddenly why he's in that bed. It's so easy to overlook when he's being insufferable, when he's snapping at you or frowning or refusing to acknowledge you entirely. It's easy because he wants you to forget. She knows that. And she lets him do it to her which just pisses her off to no end. Slowly she retreats to her corner and watches Norma work. There is something about the careful way she maneuvers, about the way she avoids getting in his space unlike the other nurses that gives Emily pause.

And when Hotch wakes up and begins watching her work, it gets more perplexing. “Are you comfortable?” she asks, instead of asking how his pain is. She doesn't even hold up the clipboard he hates. Hotch looks confused. “Can I do anything to make you more comfortable? Some patients complain that these gowns are too stiff, we have a bin of older ones that are more worn in down in the ER...they just don't look as sharp so they don't like to keep them up here.”

“It,” he starts, almost ashamed, like he's never spoken up about himself before. He can't seem to finish the sentence. Is he really about to sit here with multiple stab wounds after life-saving surgery and complain about a gown? He knows it sounds absurd and he'd love to be focused on literally anything else, but he also can't shake it. She just nods, like he'd said something she understands even though he said absolutely nothing. Emily is confused and suddenly isn't paying even a little attention to Bart Simpson.

“I get it. They're scratchy and over-starched. You look like a hairy beast, I bet that's miserable. I'll be right back honeypie. Don't you go anywhere.”

He stares after her as she leaves, his brows drawn together confused. Honeypie. Derek calls him honeypie, because they both like that song and Derek can't live without having a handful of pet names to throw around. He's never...it's making his heart beat a little too fast. She comes back to find he's still thinking about honeypie, which is good, because she really did think he was going to try and get up. He just has that look about him.

“Alright Agent, be a dear and turn around to give us a bit of privacy? I'm gonna change him into something a little more comfortable.”

Emily turns but she catches bits of wavy reflection in the window. Norma changes his bandages in silence, only a few words here and there when she decides to explain something or ask if he's comfortable. She never asks anything obtuse, she never asks him to assess his pain on the little face scale, she just asks if he's comfortable. Emily thinks there is some magic in that word she's not understanding, especially when Hotch answers her truthfully (if not a little too quietly) and says no, he's not. He's on the verge of tears. She never gets a chance to ask about the way she's assessing him though, not before Norma is called down to the ER with the code team and they're left alone in the room again.

Derek comes for his shift to find Emily nearly asleep in her corner. She's not supposed to doze but Hotch has been ignoring her again and there is only so much she can do to keep awake when he won't even talk to her.

“Have fun,” she snaps outside of the room, searching through her bag for her car keys. “He's really on one tonight. And he's got this new nurse...she's different. He seems to like her though.”

“Different how?” Derek asks, craning his neck so he can peek into the room. Hotch looks out of sorts. Emily just shrugs.

“I don't know. She'll be by in about fifteen minutes, you'll see.”

The minute he walks in, Hotch changes. And Derek knows its coming. It always comes. Because he has to control his every move around all of them, he has to mask even when it hurts him, but he doesn't have to do that with Derek. It's never been an expectation, and Derek is glad for it but it does get taxing. Exhausting. Sometimes it downright hurts.

Especially now in this setting. Hotch is so over-stimulated by the constant movement in and out of his room, in the hallway, the intercoms, the carts, the lights, the BAU security detail. He's miserable, Derek can see it in his eyes, and that barely registers over the chaos going on around him that's how bad it is. And there isn't anything Derek can seem to do but show up and hope it's getting better while knowing damn well it isn't. They haven't even had a moment to themselves to talk about what happened. To talk about any of it. Derek heard him profiling it with Emily and Dave, he's heard the statements to the police, but he doesn't want to hear all of that. He just wants Hotch to talk to him about how he feels.

It won't happen, not for a while yet. Not until the rest of this is gone. Which really only poses more problems in Derek's mind...where is he going to go? What sorts of lasting effects will this have? He suspects PTSD is going to play a large role in their lives, and then there's the fact that Foyet has been a sick man since he stabbed himself and it stands to reason Hotch will end up in the same boat. Nothing looks promising, but none of that is on the agenda to be talked about. Not now.

He kisses him. Right on top of the head, his sweaty messy hair. “Hey baby,” he whispers and Hotch hums. “How's it going?”

Hotch sighs and sucks in a deep breath. What comes out is a barrage of complaints that have been bottling up, building pressure, nearly exploding out of his chest. And they're just words, but Derek feels crushed by them. He's crushed for him. That this experience is already, at its root, the most awful thing he can imagine...and then on top of it he has no peace here.

“I got your carpet ripped up,” he says quietly, hoping it might bring him back, help him focus on something more important than the chaos in this room. It is temporary, he needs him to remember that he won't be here forever. “And the hole is patched. Things are looking good. I made it over there on my lunch break.”

“You didn't have to do that.”

“I know,” Derek says, offering a smile. “I wanted to.”

“That's the landlord's job.”

“Aaron,” Derek says, grabbing his hand, his thumb grazing the tape wrinkled and slick covering his skin where they'd placed an IV needle. “I wanted to do it because I don't want any other strangers in your home.”

“You don't have time for that.”

“Dammit Aaron. I just told you I did it on my lunch hour, I have the time. Let me do this one damn thing for you because otherwise I'm completely fucking helpless here...” It's a rare show of his own emotion and he regrets it instantly, the way it hangs over them. “I'm sorry. Just please let me help.”

Hotch hums and closes his eyes, sorting through everything Derek just said. It isn't that it doesn't make sense to him, he just really really hates it. This isn't Derek's problem. It isn't. And he confuses the way Derek loves him with the guilt he feels that Foyet left his credentials in the apartment, which only makes him feel worse and more indignant.

“This isn't your fault.” He knows he shouldn't have said it, but he said it anyway. It's still true. Derek huffs indignantly and turns his face toward the ceiling, counts to ten beneath his breath.

“I know that.” He pauses. Longer and longer he waits, his vision spotty and flared. “I know it isn't my fault. But I love you and I want to help. Can we just drop it?”

Norma comes in before Hotch can answer and approaches the bed cautiously with her clipboard and a pile of blankets in her arms. They don't look anything like the scratchy piece of fabric he's covered in now, and it draws his attention.

“I'm Norma...” she says, extending her hand to Derek. She's taking in the situation, the way Derek sits on the edge of the bed and has his hand on Hotch's leg, nothing like the woman earlier who sat in the corner and avoided all contact with him. “And you are?”

“Derek Morgan,” he says, shaking her hand briskly. Something flashes in her eyes, some vague recognition, and she looks a little stricken. “I'm...”

“I know who you are. I saw your FBI badge covered in his blood when they brought him in. Can we speak in the hallway?”

She's looking up at the heart monitor a little concerned and he realizes that the numbers do look high. A lot higher than they should. He's upsetting Hotch. Under normal circumstances he might not mind, but now he's probably going to kill him. So, without saying anything, he stands and leaves.

“I don't presume to know your relationship with him,” she begins, closing the door to Hotch's room. “But something you two are talking about is upsetting him and its my job to keep an eye on that. His heart cannot take this, not right now.”

“Yeah. I get it. He's just so...I was only trying to help...”

“Is he,” she starts quietly, stepping forward and speaking in a hushed voice. There isn't any shame in the way she talks, she just seems concerned with privacy. “Is he autistic?”

“I uh,” Derek mutters, disbelief painted over his features. It isn't that he's offended by the question or even bothered by it, it's just that people don't usually ask. They either assume or they don't, but they never ask. “Yes. He wasn't diagnosed too long ago, it's been kind of a challenge to get him to understand that he needs to speak up for himself. I mean he's never been good at that, but it seems like now he'd understand that it's more important...after what happened...”

“Yeah, and let me guess...he'll do it with you, but no one else? And you're feeling pretty drained right about now?”

He feels like shit admitting it, but he nods. She's a little too easy to open up to, and she pats him on the arm, squeezes his bicep with a little wink and laughs. “Look, hun. My big brother is autistic. I understand. Little sister isn't supposed to be the care taker, but I grew up in that role because he would talk to me when he wouldn't anyone else and I learned a thing or two. I'm gonna offer you a little unsolicited advice here, tiger.” She smiled at him, wide and bright and poked her head into the room just to make sure Hotch was still okay. His eyes were closed. “It's important to remember that sometimes people like him, people who have a public persona to maintain, spend so much time and energy masking that this incredible pressure builds up...and you're his comfort zone. He can be himself with you. So even if it's hard on you...and I know it is...it's important.”

The sentence runs around in his head, chasing its tail until he feels dizzy. “It's new to both of us.” He admits it quietly, reverently.

“But you've known him a long time, I can tell. He's not new.”

“No...he's not.”

She smiles sweetly and shakes her head. “Go get a coffee or some ice cream. I think they have some tomato bisque left in the caf. Let me have a few minutes with him. Maybe I can make him comfortable so you two can have a nice night.”

Derek nods and watches her walk into the room again, shutting the door behind her. He waits while she dims the lights...the first person who has done that...and approaches the bed with that arm full of blankets and a soft smile. He can see the way Hotch softens with her and feels comfortable enough to walk away, just for a bit. He knows damn well Foyet isn't coming back. And he suspects that if Foyet did decide to walk into this place, Norma would give him a run for his money.

So he walks. He shoves his hands into his pockets and walks and walks and walks. Finds himself in the cafeteria sitting at a table nursing a cup of steaming hot coffee and a headache. His fingers ache from tearing up carpet, scrubbing blood from the sub-floor, they smell like bleach where the skin is burnt and dry. His hands don't just ache, they hurt. His knuckles are stiff. There is drywall under his fingernails that hasn't come out the last four times he's washed his painfully dry hands. Used to having well moisturized and perfectly manicured hands, he's frustrated at this small yet enormous thing.

He loses track of time thinking about his hands and realizes how tired he is. Working through his lunch hour was important, but its catching up to him now. All he wants to do is get a little cup of cranberry juice and take it to Hotch as a peace offering. They can talk about the serious stuff later, he just wants to be close and the fact that he can't just sit in that room all day and all night is twisting his stomach in knots.

Foyet nearly denied him this life they've been working so hard to build and he's probably reacting to it worse than he should. He's angry, he wants Hotch to move in with him and Clooney, he had to say goodbye to Jack and to Haley and deal with Jessica shouting at him at the apartment while she cleaned up and gathered his things into a bag. She was going to bring them to the hospital but she hadn't gathered the nerve to walk in yet...he is pretty sure she'll show up in the morning with tears in her eyes and a bag of every single thing that makes him comfortable. She's good like that.

Even if she's mad as a hornet right now. She hasn't quite figured out what she's mad at and how to deal with it.

He pauses at the gift shop and sees an overly fuzzy teddy bear in the window. It's wearing scrubs, a teal top and scrunchy little hat, and on the top it says FEEL THE HEAL. He laughs and huffs quietly to himself, and try as he might to walk past it, to let it stay in that window, he goes in and buys the damn thing. It's softer even than he imagined, and he knows Hotch is going to hate it. He'll ask how much it cost, tell him to take it back or give it to someone else probably, he'll have a million reasons why buying him a teddy bear was ridiculous.

But it might also make him smile, and they both needed that win. He hadn't smiled in days. Not since before the case in Canada, the fucking pig farm that broke all of them so spectacularly. They both needed to FEEL THE HEAL.

Norma is at the door waiting when he walks up with his Styrofoam cup of cranberry juice from the fountain and the bear. She can't help but smile. “Feel better?”

“I do, thank you.”

“I think he does too. He's all cleaned up and gift wrapped for the night. Did say he was thirsty...”

“I figured,” he replied quietly, waving the cup. “Handled.”

“He sure does love you.” She doesn't say another word, just leaves him with that and walks down the hall toward the next room she has to round on. Derek feels a little sick for the way he'd behaved earlier and he grips the bear tighter when he walks in. He's almost strangling the damn fuzzy thing.

Everything feels calmer in there with the lights down, the television off, the curtains drawn. He closes the door behind him, doesn't let it latch but cuts them off from the outside and he's pleasantly surprised to find that the deep wrinkle between Hotch's brow is all but gone. Norma switched out his blankets while Derek was gone, he was now beneath a pile of heavy soft things she'd stolen from the Maternity floor, the uncomfortable one he'd hated now folded in the corner probably waiting for guests. Norma was the person who could get you things, Derek realized

“Here,” Derek says with a smile, tossing the bear right at him. “Figured if you were gonna act like a baby I might as well treat you like one.” He seats himself right on the edge of the bed again, nestling his hip against Hotch's thigh, and watches the way he reads the top on the bear curiously then smiles in spite of himself. And then the bear is tucked neatly against his side, comforting in its hilarity.

“Thank you,” he whispers, a little too serious. Derek can see the shine of tears in his eyes. No one has ever given him a gift in the hospital, let alone an overpriced gaudy teddy bear. It shouldn't, but it means the world to him. His head has cleared enough now to start really letting things settle into their places. “I'm sorry Derek.”

“Nah, don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong. We've got some things to work through but I'm not going anywhere even if you act like a shithead. You know that right?”

“I do.” There is a short pause, and then Hotch's hands are covering the little bear's ears. His lips have twitched up into an unmistakable smirk. He's about to be a shithead again. “Watch your language, please.”

“You're really pushin' it buddy.”

[starlightshadowsworld]

Danganronpa 3: Despair arc episode 5.

Thonks.

Into a flashback of kid Ryota being bullied by some kids.

Having rubbish tipped onto him as they call him dirty and taking photos.

Kids are scary man.

Poor Ryota.

And his parents suck, and he copes by watching cartoons.

This got way to relatable.

Cool seeing his set up and such but man he's so stressed which... yeah, shout out to all the artists and animators out there.

Ya'll are great.

Back to Chisa heading to the Reserve Course.

Aaand we don't see it, it's skipped over of course.

I get that it's her punishment and it's a downgrade from her usual class which she loves.

And I know kids can be asshole's.

But I just hate that teaching these kids is considered a punishment.

These kids are looked down upon by everyone at the main school, it's just sad seeing that everyone really was against them.

Hammering the point that any one of those kids could've become Izuru Kamakura.

And for teaching them Chisa was treated awfully for it.

It's werid seeing Juzo calmly talk to someone.

Chisa's heard about the Kamakura project, I think it's too late though.

This sounds werid but I'm kinda glad they're not gonna be able to save Hajime.

Because can you imagine if they got him out and saved him?

The Reserve Course would probably be shut down or something especially knowing where the funds for it were going.

Hajime would be more depressed than ever, and these guys are not the people to give the "You're more than a talent speech."

Unless it's Chiaki than its a whole other story.

But than they'd be seperated and Hajime is back to square one.

... Fuck is the good ending for Hajime bring tortured so bad he literally becomes someone else?

I mean it does get better, hopefully if the end of Danganronpa 2 is any sign.

But man that's sad.

Did not need to re-live Juzo beating Hajime.

Ohh so they covered up Hajime being involved by saying he's been expelled.

Clever.

And looking like Jin Kirigiri wasn't involved, as they say the other staff on the board run the school.

Idk if its better or worse he wasn't involved.

Because either way he's enabling it.

I really like the idea of him being in on it, but than regretting it.

Much like the Director, case of history repeating itself.

And that guilt playing into his actions in the first game.

And partly why he kept Kyoko at arms length, he didn't want her getting caught up into this.

But also knew if Kyoko was near him she would snuff out the project easily.

It's okay if he's not, just makes him both a bad headmaster and a bad father.

"Make sure you're students don't make the news again."

Oh you're in for a rude awakening.

But Nagito's gone missing.

Suspicious.

And we get a shot of the applications of the 78th class.

Hell yeah.

And Jin looking at Kyoko's. Incase we forgot she's his daughter.

... Chisa why would you want to be Munakata's anything nevermind beloved?

Sworn enemy maybe, but beloved?

Aww the class having a celebration for her that's so sweet.

And Chiaki planned it, and she's been holding the class together.

Love that for her.

Fuyuhiko pretending he doesn't care but he does.

Man I missed these guys, even though it hasn't been long at all.

Hiyoko got taller, holyshit.

Gundam and Sonia giving a toast in true Gundam fashion might just be the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Ryota saying he has no time for friendship.

I get your busy man but you can't stop friendship.

It will find you, you will be friended.

And yes that is a threat.

... Wait a sec... That wasn't Ryota, that's Imposter?!

Twogami my boy! I was wondering where he was.

Awh he's been covering for and looking after Ryota.

That's so sweet.

"This show can't end till its characters get a redemption."

I hope so.

"People can flake you out but carbs are always there."

Same ol Twogami.

He's not wrong though.

A plane and a fancy car.

..... SHE'S HERE.

And she put a bomb in her purse, or her purse was a bomb.

Either way that limo is gone, heh unintentional rhymes.

Junko Enoshima has entered the building.

As fabulous as ever.

And of course she's narrating her own life and insulting Mukuro at the same time.

I like how Mukuro's voice is almost monotone, balancing out Junko's more loud upbeat voice.

Junko's narration including the tragedy, so she had this shit planned from the get go.

This afternoon in fact.

Man imagine joining secondary school like what are your goals?

Oh I'm gonna destroy the whole world.

Can't even call her overconfident because she did it.

Mukuro being... Infatuated? With Junko doesn't suprise me, mainly cos I've seen that clip of them in the limo before.

Without context.

But even than makes sense, they may be the despair sisters but Junko has always been the mastermind behind the whole operation.

And for Mukuro to go through and do this shit for Junko, yeah she's gotta care for her a lot.

... Maybe too much...

The fact they both talk while Junko casually tries to kill Mukuro, I guess that's how they bond.

Because if they wanted to, they could kill the other.

The only one who would and succeeded was Junko.

"What an affect my bloody corpse would have on her."

Honestly, yeah I think it would. Junko wouldn't have killed her if it didn't give her despair.

Love that Mukuro didn't even know about them going to Hope's Peak.

Once again Junko is the brains of the operation.

Love the friendship between Ryota and Twogami.

And it makes sense why Ryota is so focused and why he spends all his time on his talent.

It's all he had growing up he has to make it.

Has to.

Annnd Ryota passed out.

Poor guy.

Twogami, my dude there are better and easier ways to get someone to help you.

Rather than just grabbing Mikan and dragging her away.

Poor Mikan.

So Twogami realised he was struggling and got him to stay with him.

That's sweet.

Probably wasn't the best idea given it enabled him to overwork himself so much.

But still sweet.

I'm sad we don't get to know his name but I guess that's the point.

I like to think if he had one, Ryota knew it.

... AHHHH MAKOTO!!!

My boyyy!!

I didn't think we'd see him in the despair arc, or at least this early but here we are.

Oh Makoto, look at how happy and not traumatised he is.

Savour this moment.

His little pep talk to himself.

Annnd Junko's here narrating about her plan and drawing Monokuma.

Imagine telling her the random kid before her is the one who's gonna defeat her.

"Who knows maybe fate will drop someone into my lap."

Oh it will... And there he is.

Hi Hajime.

And incase we didn't know if already, Juzo's verbal and physical best down of Hajime was the final nail in the coffin and why he agreed to do the project.

Fuck you Juzo.

"You'll be fine."

... No... No he won't.

[candy8448]

Whoa, its almost the end

One more exam

This doesn't feel real

Im actually gratefull for my school for all of those mock exams, and mid and end of year tests because this was a lot less frightening than i thought it would be, i was prepared.

But im so tired, there is a state where you dont have enough stress to perform well, the space where you have perfect amount of stress to perform well, and an area where you have too much stress so you cant perform well. I think ive just dropped down to not enough stress in this last week, im too tired to take this seriously

I feel like im in a weird haze and nothing feels real

Its a weird feeling of amazment

It feels so weird seeing only one set of revision cards left in my green folder because at the start of these 5 weeks i had two folders bursting with revision materials for each subject in my bag, and now there's just one thing left...

Wow

Our whole 14 years of education has been basically leading up to these exams... and they are no done and it doesn't feel right and it felt like secondary school would never end but now its suddenly over, and while i know that factually, i havent actually processed it, that after friday i never have to walk up that hill to school again...

I didn't expect to get this sentimental, but really for all i despise school, there was a comfort and safety in the feeling that things won't change

Im going to miss some of the teachers, they really don't deserve this school. I gave them their gifts that i made today and that felt good.

Suddenly college is going to be completely different, and its thrilling but also scary. If doesnt feel like im a "big kid" 17 year old (even though im turning very soon) and college feels like a completely different world to secondary school

Me and my friend were having like... a movie style conversation in the back of the car while it was raining, just talking abiut how things are going to be so different...

I think what im going to miss most is the fact that everyone knows eachother. I love that!

Man, our year group is strangely super close knit. We are the smallest yeargroup in the school, and everyone knows eachother's names, who is friends with who, what everyone is like, and everyone is really chill and nice, there is basically no conflict, we can talk to anyone who isnt even our friend, who we never talk to, and just have a good or cool or funny conversation and i love that! im going to miss that so much! My friend says he will be glad to be invisible but i really loved the social aspect of school, and im kind of sad that in college we are probably only going to know the people in our classes, i like knowing who everyone is in the year group. It feels weird that we are suddenly going to be away from the people we grew up with for five entire years of our lives.

My friend group as well, im scared we will go out of touch. Four of us are going to the same college as me, including me, but we might have totally different time tables, and the two others are going together to the same college, and we do want to keep playing dnd together but i dont know if we will be able to uphold that tight bond while we are seperated, im really sad about that to be honest.

One exam left...

It feels so sureal, i feel all floaty, i didnt expect to have these kinds of feeling, or thoughts.

Good luck with physics

[cookinguptales]

Hi, hello, how are ya? I'd like a tarot reading please, I love when you do these! Has nothing to do with anything but I've had the song "Punching In a Dream" by the Naked and the Famous stuck in my head lately so that's the one I'm recommending to you. <3

Hi! I'm very slightly buzzed! A pretty bartender told me that my hair was beautiful tonight, so I'm happy. :)

This was another really fun song! I'm glad you introduced it to me. 💜

Punching In A Dream (The Naked and The Famous)

(The Emperor (reversed), Ten of Wands, Six of Swords)

Hmm. I think you are due for a change, my friend.

The Emperor tends to represent some sort of authority figure. When in its upright position, it's talking about an authority figure who's wise and thoughtful, who uses their authority to get things done well and fairly. In its reversed position... well, that's less true. It tends to be talking about someone who's abusing their authority then.

The card isn't really clear about who's abusing their authority. It could be a boss, it could be a parent, it could even be you. But the next card makes me think that may not be the case. The Ten of Wands shows up when you're taking on a lot of extra responsibilities. Those responsibilities are quite the burden, and you feel them weighing you down more every day.

That said, tens are usually the end of a cycle, which usually means that you're about to see the fruition of all that effort. It can also mean, though, that you're about ready to give up and get out of a bad situation. Maybe you're being overburdened at work by a bad boss. Maybe you're taking on too many responsibilities in a family that's taking you for granted. There are a lot of options here, and they're all very stressful.

The last card is the Six of Swords, which is a card of moving on. It's not necessarily a happy card, to be honest. You're leaving a life that can no longer sustain you, but you are feeling regretful and sad about it. Whether that's because you're clinging to sentiment or feelings of failure, I can't tell you. All I can say is that this parting is inevitable, and it may feel awful now, but it might be for the best. In this deck, the artist chose to depict this card as a cicada shedding their skin rather than the typical imagery of sad people in a boat leaving the life they once knew.

A cicada shedding its skin might be scary, and it might be leaving its old life behind -- but shells are meant to be shed as you grow, and that seems to be the implication here as well. Your current circumstances are weighing you down, like a shell that no longer fits you, and maybe you'll feel better once you move on.

Fingers crossed for you.

[orlamount]

Does music help people grieve?

Brain, Music, Grief: How Are They Connected?

Our brains have a pleasure centre where feel-good neurotransmitters congregate and make us feel good when we engage in certain things. When faced with loss and grief, sometimes people turn to negative coping strategies to stimulate that pleasure centre, like eating sugary foods, drinking alcohol, gambling, or engaging in retail therapy. But sometimes we turn to positive coping strategies, and it turns out, that music is connected to that pleasure center of our brain.

How Music Helps You Grieve

No two people grieve in the same way. But music is a universal connector of people, and for that reason, most people can relate to its healing powers. Grief is not pretty. It unleashes scary, uncontrollable, and unknown emotions, leaving you with a feeling of being out of control.

Music tethers us to a place of security. It allows us to tap into our deepest emotions, helping us discover those emotions, giving us a safe space from which to process our emotions and tame the overwhelming. Music is a tool to navigate grief, while we consciously influence, direct and channel raw emotions that we may not otherwise know what to do with. Using music to create your story, you can redefine your relationship with grief and even transform it into a thing of beauty.

Perhaps most notably in times of grief, music lets us remember, forging and solidifying the connection you had in life with your loved one. That part of you, that relationship, lives on forever in music. We can even use it to become stronger through our grief, even though at the beginning we may feel that healing is impossible.

​Listening to music when grieving has many powerful benefits. Music helps us:

Remember the good times, and the not so good times

Discover hidden feelings

Feel fully

Say goodbye

Direct and channel emotions

Create a safe space for grief

Connect body and mind

Transform pain into beauty

Connect with others in new ways

Music also offers a variety of health benefits, reducing stress, easing depression, and boosting the immune system. Who knew music could have such positive physical benefits? Whether you play your own music (compose, write, score, play), or you simply listen to the radio, you can reap the many healing rewards it offers.

Music also has the power to accompany you through grief as you face the myriad challenges after the death of a loved one. Music’s healing benefits go far beyond the immediate aftermath of the loss (i.e., funeral, etc.), accompanying you throughout all stages of grief — essentially keeping you company as you move through loss. Indeed, music gives us an escape when life’s challenges get too overwhelming and unbearable.

[m1dn1ghtposts]

// tw: suicide, death, self harm, sexual assault, mental illness, vent //

00:22 am

i saw a post about wondering if your 12 year old self would be proud of you today, and i really thought about everything that’s happened. i’ve done some great things but some equally bad ones too, so in this post i’ll go through some of those.

- i graduated high school early with a high gpa

i also reached record suicide attempts when i switched schools, almost succeeded a couple of times, and relapsed into self harm… something she hated. i still pick at my skin, and think about joining my love pretty often. i was physically and verbally abused because a guy that tried to rape me while i was under the influence got mad when i rejected him. yeah i skipped a grade, but i lost everyone, and nobody believed in me until my name was read off at graduation. if i didnt have my partner at the time i would have broken down completely, theres no way i could come back from that much of a dark place and been okay.

- i got accepted into the college i wanted to go to

my car, the only thing that has consistently kept me hanging on to this life, was keyed while i was there. my roommates were toxic and lied to my partner to disrupt my relationship. i couldn’t focus on my classes because they would have people over until anywhere from midnight to 3am. i couldnt get a job because whenever i would show up in my usual dark outfits and makeup to any place in the little country town i would get great reviews as far as capabilities and qualifications go, but never a call back. id also get weird looks all the time, maybe im crazy and seeing things but when a bunch of boys say im scary looking and they feel threatened i dont always take it as a compliment. not to mention the sudden and horrific passing of my partner during finals, the event that drove me to dropping out. to this day im fighting for a refund, despite it all happening within the fall of 2022 semester.

- i drive a cool car and found a really neat interest

i hardly ever get compliments, and my car is damaged, though i’ll never say exactly where. theres chips in the paint where rust pokes through, a piece missing from my windows tint, sun damage on parts of my paint, scratches everywhere either from the keying or from her previous owners… i could point out every little flaw forever. i love my car so much, its crazy to me that i never realized earlier how much i love cars, but that doesn’t mean anybody else appreciates the work and money i put into my car to keep her clean and shiny. not to mention how misogynistic the car community is. its depressing to see some of the posts ive seen, saying how women terrible drivers and dont know anything about cars. not only is it depressing to see from some of my favorite content creators, but its making me want to stop trying. stop pouring so much effort into something nobody will appreciate except me. maybe this is dramatic, but its true to me. once every month or two it takes a few of my friends to convince me to keep trying and keep building her up, but when most of what i see is negativity its very hard to ignore. i dont need everyone to like my car, i dont need everyone to be accepting of women either, i just want to feel like im a part of a community i allign a lot with. isnt the whole point to bond over wanting to modify your car and watch the progress?

- i did great in band and survived all 3 years of marching band (remember, i skipped a year)

i havent touched my trumpet in forever and started smoking sophomore year from stress, right around the school change. i know its bad and will kill me someday, but do i really care? so what, im only alive today because of pure luck. its really sad to say, but i couldnt care less about when this all ends, all i want is to feel okay. i just want to have this small vice and if it kills me someday so be it. also, for every great achievement in band i screwed up a run equally as bad or just didnt even play the music. its hard to stay motivated in a place that hates you.

basically, for every achievement i can boast, there’s an equal or greater bad side to it. at least thats what it seems like. maybe im just negative, or maybe im realistic. why should i lie to myself anyways? my 12 year old self was great at every subject and at least tried to be happy and spread joy despite the bullying. she didnt know about her own abuse, from a family member no less. she didnt know why her step brother liked touching her privates or why he kept doing weird things with her dolls. now it just keeps happening, with everybody i hold close. not even just sexual assault, but manipulation ive learned to notice, straight up abuse that i never recognized. honestly, my current self sees no real value in doing really anything, i’ll lay in bed all day if i cant get up. i could have failed out of college and i couldnt even get a job until it was fully remote. i abuse my body and i cant stop, i dont know how. i smoked weed in college because i couldnt sleep or calm down and now most nights there are a blur, its all i had to cope while 1.5 hours away from my partner… when i had him. maybe its my fault, maybe i just screw up everything i touch like the inverse of midas. i cant tell, i just know im losing it.

[pureastrologywisdom]

𝔑𝔢𝔭𝔱𝔲𝔫𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 8𝔱𝔥 𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔢

A very big theme with this placement is avoiding fear. These people will do their best to avoid confronting the things in life that scare them. They are also very good at this because Neptune here can cast illusions that help them but also hinder their growth. These people will sweep all their fears and worry under the rug until it piles up too high and they trip on their own mess. When this happens it becomes a very negative cycle because even though these fears are creeping into the from of their mind, they will still try and escape. I have seen it become so bad for some people, who get stuck in such a cycle of avoidance that when this catches up to them they are crippled by their fears. They get to a point where they have no where to run and they never learned how to face these things head on. Like any placement this can be worked on. The main thing to teach yourself is not to avoid problems and thing that scare you or stress you out, take everything little by little so that it cant get to the point where you are drowning in your own negative thoughts and worries.

What I find interesting about these people is that they can actually be very introspective. However when they are exploring their subconscious they once again will avoid the bad parts and mainly focus or fantasise about good things. I imagine it as if they are shrouding all those bad thoughts with Neptunes white and silver foggy mists so that they can pretend its not there.

These people are very intuitive. However I have seen that some less developed people with this placement can shut themselves off completely from their gifts or find it hard to decipher messages they are being given as they aren’t clear on the things they are picking up. This is why often people with this placement, tho highly intuitive, often need to work on their intuition more than other placements who may be able to tap into their gifts more easily. I have often seen that these people are also afraid of their gifts too, which is why they shut it off. Once again that misty of Neptune.

People with Neptune in the 8th house are the some of the most soft and tender lovers. They also love *ahem* giving. They will be having a good time if you are. I have seen that these people can be turned on by people openly displaying their emotions to them, I have known these people to even enjoy when someone is opening up about their sadness or crying as it makes these people feel as if they can trust the other person now they have chosen to be vulnerable in front of them. 

They often need emotional intimacy before ,*physical intimacy*.

They can be in their own head a lot, so it can be difficult for them to get out of their head and enjoy the *physical* moment. I have noticed that because of this people with this placement can prefer to drink a bit of alcohol or be slightly intoxicated to feel comfortable or confident enough to perform acts of intimacy. Especially when on a night out or with a new partner. People with this placement may like to film their exploits and watch it back later. This is because Neptune rules visual communication such as film. They may also have a few Fantasies they want to act out, and really enjoy when their partner plays along as it feels like they are indulging in these fantasies with their partner and blurring the line between the fantasy in their head and reality.

People with Neptune in the 8th crave having people who they can truly trust and share their deepest most intimate or scary thoughts with, however this can lead them to them being too quick to give away this information. Instead of waiting to see if they can trust someone before sharing personal information, they often end up sharing too much too soon as a way of trusting someone without any evidence that this person is actually trust worthy. It’s as if they don’t have boundaries when it comes to personal information sometimes. I have seen people with this placement do this with people they like because it is how they subconsciously form bonds with people. Instead of form and bond and then share private thoughts these people do the opposite. This is very interesting to me because as we know usually when a planet goes into the 8th house it makes it more hidden or private.

 The interesting thing is that they actually do mean to keep a lot of stuff secret, even from themselves as previously mentioned. However they just end up spilling personal stuff about them anyway. I have noticed that this becomes even more apparent with friends or as they get closer with people. I have a theory as to why this is. Since these people are afraid to confront their fears they bring other people into it by sharing their problems with them so they don’t have to handle it alone. This can happen at random times, for example one minute you can be talking about something really casual and then suddenly these people are bringing up a past trauma or something that has been eating away at them. When this happens the Neptune in 8th persons usually just questions the other person asking them what they think they should do, still once again not taking responsibility for their worries themselves. This can be healthy in a way, as at least they are talking about their problems. However if these people aren’t careful they can end up being too reliant on other people helping them and can form unhealthy attachments. If they are friends or are in relationships with the wrong people this can lead to them being taken advantage of because of their co-dependance. These people aren’t a damsel needing someone to come and rescue them from their problems- and you don’t want to attract someone with a huge ego and a saviour complex. Do remember this is mainly for undeveloped placements.

When these people develop themselves they can become the most understanding people who use their knowledge and past experiences to relate and sympathise with others. I have noticed that often when adults people with this placement love to go into fields of work where they can use their pain to help others.

Credit- pureastrologywisdom

[kuroos-moon]

Captains and Strong Independent S/o’s

☁︎︎ request:  Oikawa, Kuroo and either Bokuto or Ushijima (I cant choose!) reacting to a (fem or g/n) reader who does some type of martial art and they’re kinda tough/strong and (maybe they’re the team manager and they don’t take no shit) and the captains kinda crush on them for it? (I like to imagine Oikawa having a tough gf who stops Iwa from being mean to him and jokingly threatens Iwa that if he wants to hurt Tohru he has to go through her

☁︎︎ pairing: oikawa x reader, kuroo x reader, ushijima x reader

☁︎︎ warning/s: swearing, felt a bit of angst while writing for ushijima’s idk why tho it might just be my imagination :> 

☁︎︎ a/n: also dont know if it’s obvious but i kinda got carried away with ushijima’s 

Oikawa Tohru

• is a smug little shit every time you’re with him or in the same room at least 

• like,, he could piss Iwa-chan off to death and he won’t get hurt for it? now this is what he calls power

• sincerely loves and adores you, but at first, he kinda got sad that you’re so self-sufficient, you practically don’t need him 

• but he’s now long accepted that you’re just so you… and in your relationship, it’s you who does the protecting and looking out by a whole lot (ofc it doesn’t mean he loves you less) 

• that’s why he gets so so soft when he gets his turn in being the person who’s leaned on

• as their manager, he loves how you get things done so effectively, even Kyotani bows down to you, as he should—he always says in his head, smiling as he looks at the feral boy getting flustered around you  

• he listens to you all the time and we all know Tohru backing down is so rare 

“Oy, you’re overdoing it, let’s go.” 

“Head home without me, Iwa-chan,” he mutters mindlessly as he screws up another serve, a scowl on his face as he bends down to get another ball; but he freezes at an instant upon Iwaizumi’s words—no, Iwaizumi’s threat.

“Suit yourself, I’ll call y/n.” 

Oikawa has never changed stance so quickly in his life, cleaning up the gym as he sends smiles to his best friend’s way every five seconds, hoping he won’t tell on him on his cute but scary girl who could easily kick him unconscious. 

• he uses your name to threaten anyone who wants to cross him and they will back down immediately

• also likes to show off because he knows you treasure him so much; he likes to be babied by you especially in front of others 

“y/n-chan c’mere,” he softly says, whining a bit. The rest of his team look at the both of you in astonishment as you take the captain in your arms, Tohru’s cheek on your shoulder, looking back at the bewildered look on his teammate’s faces while you sit side by side on the bench. 

They could never get used to someone as tough as you having such the softest spot for Shittykawa… like how could you even stand him? 

“Really tired,” he mumbles, a small smile on his lips when you run your fingers through his hair. “I know, you were great as always, let’s head home so you could rest.” 

“Y/n-chan, today, Iwa-chan hit my head when you were out to get water. It really hurt,” he says, still in your embrace as he smirks at his teammates. 

Their mouths fall open, Iwaizumi’s eye twitching in irritation for his shitty best friend. 

“And Maki-chan…” Hanamaki grits his teeth, looking at him pleadingly in panic as his mind runs through everything he did today, wondering what he could’ve done to your beloved. “He ate my milk bread; I was really hungry.” 

Yup, Maki and Iwaizumi knew there was hell to pay, gulping in unison when you pull away from your boyfriend and narrow your eyes at them. 

“Iwa-chan. I thought we agreed you weren’t hitting Tohru again.” 

A chill runs down his spine, Tohru simply looks at you with pride, pulling you into his lap as he wraps his arms around your waist before you get the chance to throw hands at Iwaizumi.

Kuroo Tetsuro

• loves loves LOVES your remarks, your attitude, the way you take no crap from anyone, like “ah, he’s scared shitless, that’s my girl” 

• dw, you’re not a thug or anything, but men who force their feelings on you will see heaven’s gates early 

• and kuroo’s so pleased about it. sure, he’d love to get the chance to act all cool and brooding and possessive in front of other suitors but what’s more fun is watching their dejected faces as you say—

• “how many times do I have to turn you down? I have my tetsuro, now back the fuck off or I’ll break your nose.” 

• you had no idea he was just outside your classroom waiting for you, arms crossed and a cocky grin stretching his lips when you lock eyes with him

• “chibi-chan!” he calls off cheerily, and you bet he’ll tease you about it til death do you part 

• “don’t just stand there, give your tetsuro a hug!” 

• laughs about how your friendly banters with yamamoto always end up with you winning the argument 

• you rub off as mean bc you won’t take any disrespect, even a little—and that’s great

• those are one of the things he loves about you 

• but he’s always worried you might get hurt or hated for it, though he knows you are very much capable of beating anyone up even kuroo himself

• so he’s always holding you back, and I can’t stress this enough, but this man knows you could fend for yourself and he is so proud you’re his partner 

• he just wants to make certain that no one’ll hurt you, okay kitten? 

• your conversations often go like this: 

“I’ll beat up whoever tries to lay a hand on me.” 

“don’t say such reckless things, you’re not superman.”

“uhuh, geez, I’ll be fine, I don’t need you to walk me home.” 

“well news flash, your tetsuro, needs his y/n to walk him ho—ow,” he mutters when you slap his chest. 

“go home with kenma.”

“I don’t want kenma,” he scowls, already irked that this is turning into an argument.

“too bad,” you deadpan.  

“ugh,” he groans, “imagine a girlfriend who actually listens to you, just imagine.” 

• he is the one and only person you’ll gladly accept lectures from, bc his lectures are always reasonable and for your own good

after checking and verifying that you were completely okay, you knew he was about to go down to business. 

“you got into a fight? What are you? a thug?” he crosses his arms. You were both inside the gym along with the rest of his teammates who looked like they were far too preoccupied to listen. They were all clearly listening in though, except Kenma of course.  

watching your figures from a few feet away, it was obvious that he was scolding you, and Lev already had a ridiculous visualization of you hitting Kuroo. Everyone was worried you’ll fight him, or maybe even hit him, well, everyone except Kenma, of course. 

The setter knew that you would never ever lay a hand on kuroo as if the 6’1 captain was fragile. He also knew that you loved and respected kuroo too much to actually get agitated just because he was scolding you, you aren’t an unreasonable person. Lastly, he knew that kuroo would be going soft on you in five minutes tops, his best friend is hopeless like that. 

Kenma was right, he always is. Your back is glued to the wall behind you, Kuroo’s hand beside your head, his face extremely close to yours that you’re left flustered which is rare. 

After you were rambling on about how you had to put that girl in her place, going off about how it made you so mad and he should cut you some slack, he knew just how to shut you up. And it worked. You’re speechless. 

“what was that again, hm? go on, you surely had a lot to say,” he mutters, acting all tough as if he wasn’t dying to just kiss you now. when you don’t respond and stare at him and his lips instead, he already gives in. yes, just like that. “you were wrong to do that, okay?” he breathes, the worry from earlier on making its way out through his voice. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

Locking lips with you, you pull him closer to yourself, and kuroo had purposely decided to kabedon you on this wall since his broad back would be shielding the two of you from his teammates’ line of sight. 

After pulling away, he pats your head, licking his lips. “I forgive you, I’m not mad anymore.” You look away in embarrassment, realizing how petty you must’ve seemed to him. He sighs before hugging you, chin atop your head. 

“Make this the last time, okay? I swear you’re shortening my lifespan having me worried all the time.” 

You hug him tighter as a response, kuroo letting out a breath of contentment. Regardless of how tough you are outside; you are and always will be his soft little kitten and it was his greatest honor that you allow him to take care of you like this. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi

• is probably a little too used to the idea of his most treasured girlfriend being extremely capable and self-sufficient 

• his teammates would always look at him like ‘why are you not stepping in,’ every time you’re in a tough spot i.e. having an argument with someone or having a too-touchy suitor 

• then they’d be like “oh, that’s why,” after you flung the despicable creature out to space 

• he thinks so highly of you, not only are you physically strong, you’re even tougher on the inside too

• this is kinda a given but I’ll say it anyway—he can be unintentionally insensitive (well your relationship is kinda new)

• example no 1: 

you were arguing with goshiki and while he would normally like to ignore you and let you have your way; he was getting annoyed bc the argument was far too petty. 

“I’m gonna surpass him!” 

“and I’m telling you that you ca-

your mouth is clamped with a big hand, and it took you only a second to realize it was Wakatoshi because only he would have the nerve to lay a hand on you like this. he still doesn’t say anything, dragging you with him in an empty hallway for privacy.

finally after you stopped walking, he turns to you and looks at you expectantly. “what was that for? Did you even wash your hand,” you mutter, slightly annoyed. 

“I haven’t touched the ball yet, don’t worry,” he lowly says, making you sulk because he totally missed your point. “still, you didn’t have to make me shut up by clamping your hand against my mouth.” He’s too… not gentle with you sometimes. 

“you were going to say something you shouldn’t to goshiki.”

“he said something he shouldn’t have.” 

he only narrows his eyes at you and you do the same, anyone from your class would’ve been scared at the sight. You were both known as the cutest yet intimidatingly scary couple. 

• you were in the early stages of dating and though you understood each other well, it wasn’t really enough yet

• it’s all good though, because once you tell him that he was too uncaring of you and your feelings he does something that no other man would do: 

• apologize, admit his mistake, reflect on it a lot and,,, actually change!! 

• he’s much softer to you after that, and he finally realizes that you were still his precious girl and you were sensitive when it came to him 

• cursed himself for being too reliant on how you never seemed sensitive or needy

• doesn’t dwell too much on regret, just treats you 100x times better 

• is fascinated with your passion for martial arts but is against you overdoing training

• one time, he was torn between dragging you out of practice or just turning a blind eye to your visible exhaustion since you’re always so tough anyway, you’ll manage 

• but then he remembers his promise to himself to never treat you like you aren’t the most special person to him so he excuses himself from practice and heads to your training room 

you sat alone, your back to the wall. everyone else has gone home but you stayed because your muscles were too sore and you felt like you couldn’t even walk for another day. maybe it had something to do with how you’ve been training too much. 

you’re startled upon seeing shoes on the floor you blankly stared at, looking up to meet eyes with Ushijima. “Wakatoshi,” you say in surprise. 

he is expressionless as he bends down across you between your legs, and you had to admit this was something you weren’t used to from him. “are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft as velvet. you’re taken aback by his question, looking away in embarrassment. 

Wakatoshi rarely asks you that, and most of the time it was only when you said the word ‘ow’ when you accidentally hit something. you clear your throat, bringing your hands together to play with your fingers, “I’m okay.” 

it was silent for a few seconds before you hear him sigh, not only that, warm, gentle hands had found its way to yours and you look at him, bewildered. “is this okay?” he asks, looking down at both your hands and you nod. “your hands are much smaller, compared to mine at least.” he says, but you’re too flustered to even understand that. 

“are other things okay too?” he asks, and like his former statement, you didn’t understand. your silence doesn’t stop him though, he decided to push his luck. tugged gently by your wrist, your back’s no longer pressed to the wall as ushijima wakatoshi pulls you in his arms for the first time in your very few months of dating. 

“wakatoshi,” you mumble, your heart racing so much you’re sure he feels it against his chest. he’s so warm, welcoming, and in his loving hold felt like the rightest place to be. “you’re not feeling okay.”

you don’t respond, opting to bury your face at the crook of his neck instead. “I’m here, I know you’re tired.” 

you both stay in that position for a long time, it was addicting to be cradled in his arms and he felt the same. “y/n,” he whispers, and you hum in response. 

“you’re strong. very strong. you don’t need a man at all.”

your heart skips a beat, “toshi are you breaking up with me?” 

you hear a soft chuckle ring in your ears, “let me finish. as I said, you’re very strong. you look like you’re always so tough. but you’re not, and so…” he trails off, so you pull away to look at him, hesitance evident in his eyes, his palm still pressed at the small of your back. 

“you’re not always strong. in fact if I dare say, you are fragile, and I care about you. so please, allow me to be there for you all the time, I’ll be here, just like now.” 

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[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[qitwrites]

⬅ Previous || 20 || Next ➡

Kirishima stays behind in the gym most evenings. This is not news to anyone, nor is it uncommon.

He usually outstays everyone actually. His stamina seems to be endless, and his quirk relies on his physical health and his ability to increase and extend his limits. So, Kirishima stays, and he trains, and he smiles the whole time. He pumps iron like a madman but makes sure to stay (barely) within his limits.

Tokoyami is aware of Kirishima’s gym habits, so he isn’t surprised when he backtracks one day to pick up a towel he’d left on one of the stands, only to find Kirishima in the room even though it’s late evening. It isn’t anything worth noting.

What is weird though is seeing him sitting cross-legged on the floor, right in front of the floor to ceiling mirrors, his face almost glued to his reflection. He’s leaning with his hands on his knees, and Tokoyami’s sure his forehead is touching the mirror.

The red head just stares at his reflection, and Tokoyami realizes that Kirishima is so absorbed in whatever it is that he’s doing that he doesn’t even realize the beaked hero is in the room. Tokoyami cocks his head to the side and decides to wait a minute before making his presence known.

Moments later, Kirishima hardens himself. More specifically, he hardens himself from the neck up, his arms and legs still soft and unchanged. It’s still nothing too out of the ordinary, except the face-plastered-to-the-mirror-while-on-the-floor bit.

7 seconds later, Kirishima takes a deep breath and grunts, hardening further. Layers and layers of hardening stack up like a deck of cards, and Tokoyami swallows back a chirp of amazement as he witnesses Kirishima go into Unbreakable form, his face and neck jagged and sharp. It’s mesmerizing almost, his diamond like appearance, the way it makes the vertebrae on the back of his neck jut out like a protective armor, the way even his hair hardens, though he’s left it in a pony right now.

And his eyes. Kirishima’s eyes look fierce, fiery, and so menacing. Tokoyami watches him in awe.

Kirishima continues to stay on the floor, staring at his reflection in Unbreakable. Reading his expressions might be difficult when his face is literally like a slab of well sculpted marble, not soft or malleable enough to form expressions and convey emotions, but Tokoyami can tell he’s furrowing his brow. He can see the frustration dancing in his brown-red eyes, and a few more seconds later Kirishima drops his quirk entirely. His vertebrae melt back into his neck, his cheeks are soft and fluffy, his hair puffy, and his eyes-

Sad. Thoughtful. Frustrated.

Tokoyami clears his throat. ‘Excuse me.’

Kirishima whips his head around with a surprised look on his face. He breaks into a grin when he sees Tokoyami.

‘What’s up man?’

Tokoyami points at the stands near Kirishima, slowly making his way towards it. ‘I seem to have left my towel here, I wish to pick it up so I may wash it before our next sessions.’

Kirishima looks at the stand and nods in understanding. ‘Gotcha! Please go ahead.’ He gives him a thumbs up.

Tokoyami picks up the familiar black towel with its deep purple border. The material is familiar and deceptively soft, and it smells like him. He hugs it to his chest and takes a step back before turning to look at Kirishima. The redhead catches his stare in the mirror and looks up, throwing him a quizzical smile.

‘Pardon the intrusion,’ Tokoyami starts softly, fidgeting with the towel. ‘I happened to walk in while you engaged your quirk, and I am unable to understand your intentions.’

Kirishima’s face pales instantly. ‘Oh shit, you saw that? I swear, I’m not using my quirk for anything weird, I know we aren’t supposed to use it outside of hero stuff yet but please don’t tell anyone, I really don-‘

‘Ah, you misunderstand,’ Tokoyami interrupts. ‘I do not believe you’re doing anything improper or unsafe. I merely wish to inquire about your intentions as I could not decipher them for myself. That is, of course, if you wish to speak about it. With me. If not, I understand completely and will gladly drop the subject.’

Kirishima immediately deflates with a relieved sigh. He looks away from Tokoyami and watches his own face in the mirror. Tokoyami moves his gaze to Kirishima’s face, and they look at each other through the reflective surface. Kirishima gives him a small smile, tentative and uncertain and very un-Kirishima like.

‘I don’t like talking about it cause it sounds super dumb but it’s not like I don’t want to talk about it. Um. Just. Don’t laugh? I guess?’

Tokoyami nods. ‘I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I am honored that you would trust me enough to open up about whatever it is that seems to plague your mind.’

Kirishima laughs softly. ‘I don’t think it’s anything quite so dramatic. It’s just, I’ve been doing some quirk training, I guess? Not the kind I can do during our Hero course though. This is more personal?’

Tokoyami nods in understanding, silently urging him to continue.

‘I’ve read so many things about my Unbreakable form. Most people love it. And I love it! I mean, it’s definitely a work in progress, and I know I can develop it more and get better and stronger and everything, but it’s a good move for sure. So, like, I know we all get our criticisms about our quirks, that’s normal and that’s ok.’

Kirishima clenches the fists in his lap, eyes dropping down to watch them. ‘I’ve read that my Unbreakable form is scary. Ugly. Menacing. Frightening.’ He purses his lips. ‘I don’t think those are bad things, not at all. And I don’t really mind what it looks like, it gets the job done!’

Kirishima looks back up, twisting to catch Tokoyami’s eyes with his own, omitting the mirror altogether. ‘But I wonder if my face is too scary for the kids, you know? And when I’m in the middle of a rescue in the future, I don’t want to add to their stress. I don’t want to scare them anymore than they already probably will be. But I can’t really drop Unbreakable all the time either.’

Tokoyami nods again, understanding Kirishima’s problems and feeling it ache in his core.

‘So, I wondered if there’s any way for me to make Unbreakable just a little more humane while preserving its functionality. I was thinking about softening just my eyes, so they’re not quite so jagged and scary.’

Kirishima’s eyes move back to the mirror, and he punches his thigh roughly, mouth twisting into a grimace. ‘Fine control over small portions of my body is hard though. I have a tough enough time maintaining Unbreakable on its own. To fine tune that even more seems impossible. And like, I’m not even sure it’ll work. I don’t know. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing Tokoyami. Not a damned clue.’

Tokoyami trills in thought, his hand moving up to support his chin.

‘While I do not wish to move the subject away from you, I would like to convey my empathy for I too face similar challenges.’ He gently prods Dark Shadow from within before continuing, ‘I do not have a conventional appearance. I do not look scary either, but Dark Shadow is, I have been told, a formidable presence.’

Dark Shadow peeks over Tokoyami’s shoulder and waves enthusiastically at Kirishima. The redhead breaks into a huge grin and returns the gesture with gusto, more than used to Dark Shadow’s appearance and antics. He really likes the guy.

‘I appreciate that our classmates have gotten used to us, and to him, but I also question how many civilians would like to be rescued by an individual with an ability like mine. I too would not like to add to their distress.’

Kirishima nods in understanding, the look in his eyes softening immeasurably.

‘I am unsure of how to help, but I would be happy to provide you with any moral support or even some simple company while you embark on this quest.’

Kirishima pats the spot next to him. ‘Sure thing Tokoyami, I really appreciate it man!’

Tokoyami nods and takes a seat on the floor. The two boys move to face each other, and Tokoyami spends the next half hour watching Kirishima engage his quirk, engage Unbreakable, and then struggle to soften his eyes.

He watches as Kirishima softens a cheek instead sometimes, watches as his forehead ripples uncertainly, watches his neck pulse with his quirk, and watches as his eyes sometimes go soft and warm. He encourages the best he can, celebrating the victories and pushing Kirishima to try once more when he fails. They burst into laughter more often than not, and it’s honestly a lot of fun.

Even Dark Shadow hangs around, somehow procuring pom-poms to celebrate and cheer.

When Kirishima finally calls it an evening, they get to their feet and start heading to the dorms.

‘If you require company, please do not hesitate to approach me. If I am able, it would be an honor to cheer you on and watch you succeed in this endeavor.’

Kirishima places a large, warm hand on his shoulder and squeezes. ‘I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this Tokoyami! I don’t practice it every day, but I’ll shoot you a text whenever I get the time to practice, and we can try to coordinate and make it work!’ He gives him his big sunshine smile. ‘Thank you for talking to me about it by the way, I really do feel a lot better.’

Tokoyami gives him another nod, and the boys walk back, enjoying the evening breeze and some light banter.

In the following weeks, Tokoyami and Kirishima swap messages and meet a lot more often. Tokoyami keeps tabs of his progress and gently pushes him to do better, and Kirishima laughs around with Dark Shadow when they take breaks. Sometimes they meet, decide they’re too lazy to quirk train and just watch old horror movies that leave Kirishima hiding behind Dark Shadow instead. Sometimes they listen to alt rock or do bicep curls. It’s a refreshing change of pace for both of them.

All their training does pay off though, sooner than they could’ve anticipated.

Aizawa brings Eri with him to hero training one day, and the young girl sits on a chair out of the way, watching with wide, amazed eyes. Aizawa stays close to her, watching over training with keen, knowing eyes. When he sees Kirishima doing some resistance training in Unbreakable form, he thinks of some pointers.

‘Riot!’

The redhead whips around to look at his teacher. Aizawa makes a come over here gesture with his hand, and Kirishima drops his quirk as he starts walking.

‘Come over here with your quirk engaged,’ Aizawa says. ‘You need to keep working on how long you can maintain your Unbreakable form, so don’t drop it right now.’

Immediately Kirishima engages his quirk and walks over to Aizawa, and every step is filled with the sharp sound of friction. Tokoyami watches as they talk, and he sees Eri looking at Red Riot with big wonderous eyes.

When they’re done chatting, Kirishima looks over at Eri. She flinches slightly, though no one can blame that on Kirishima’s appearance- Eri still flinches with most people.

Still, Tokoyami watches as Kirishima gets on his knees in front of her, still in Unbreakable form, and he sees Kirishima soften his eyes. They become liquid ruby, and he can feel the warmth almost from halfway across the gym.

He can’t hear what they say, but he sees Eri smile bright and even giggle, and he sees Aizawa appraising the situation with raised brows and an impressed sort of half smile.

Tokoyami gives Kirishima a pat on the back in his mind and bumps fists with Dark Shadow.

They all definitely have to celebrate later with some old horror movies and popcorn.

[alicemitch09writes]

first love

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x reader

summary: You never forget your first love.

author’s notes: This is what prompted the many angst fics to come in my repertoire. I’ll just to slowly transfer some of my one-shots that are reader inserts here on tumblr.

twenty one pilot’s cover of ‘can’t help falling in love’ really helped me in the writing of this fic. It’s a favorite of mine I keep going back to when writing fics. Reader is a musician, who plays the ukulele and violin and at the time when I wrote this (back in 2017), I was learning to play the uke, mostly for fun.

also available on ao3.

disclaimer: i own NOTHING but the plot.

Wise men say, only fools rush in

But I can't help, falling in love with you

 They moved to Tokyo when she was 8.

And at a young age, she was pretty much a timid and shy girl, always hiding behind her parents whenever in the presence of new people, especially when she was being introduced. She wasn't very good with socializing, always wary and scared that she'd make a horrible impression.  And of people, in general. People were generally scary, especially those she was unfamiliar with. She found solace in music, due to her father's influence, who was a music instructor at a university. "When words fail, music speaks." He'd tell her as they played 'Heart and Soul' together on the piano, her mother taking a video of them from the side. And a little while later, by some miracle, she made friends with the local kids – Tetsurou and Kenma. The two were an odd pair, given Tetsurou's loud and mischievous demeanor being a total contrast to Kenma's quiet and well-behaved and aloofness. Still, they were the best friends she could ever have.

 Years passed, and the three were inseparable.

Over time, the two proved to be more trouble than they were worth – Tetsurou, with his never-ending schemes and provocation abilities, and Kenma, with his indifference to the world so long as he was playing his games.

Nothing's changed much of her, other than her ability to keep the dynamic duo grounded. Also, she had her flair for music. Still, she was terribly shy. Though she has a voice, she chose to stick to the background, wanting to be out of the limelight.

Tetsurou would scold her, saying that it was a waste because she had a good singing voice. In which, would make her blush. Kenma would say the same thing even without looking up from his game console. But Tetsurou's words resounded, her heart beating like a drum.

    Shall I stay, would it be a sin?

If I can't help, falling in love with you

   It was the clichest thing to happen – she fell in love with her childhood friend.

She fell for Tetsurou.

For all his cockiness, his mischievousness, his peculiar affinity with cats (ironic that they attended Nekoma), and his atrocious bed hair – she loved it all.

Of course, she'd never tell him.

She doesn't have the heart to.

Neither will she tell Kenma, being the perceptive boy he was.

Plus, she'd have to go against a throng of his admirers (who made up of about half of the female population, by the way). There was no way she had a chance. And besides, who was she to him but his ever dependable, timid and adorable best friend?

When he bought her a ukulele on her 16th birthday – he knew she had wanted to try to play it for the longest time, she knew that it was simply out of friendship.

For a while, she became the volleyball team's manager. And for a while, she was able to play it cool with her feelings. This was okay, she thought, its better like this.

"This is my best friend, (Last Name) (Name)." he says, wrapping his arms around her neck as he hugged her from behind, introducing her to two players from Fukurodani.

The shorter of the two – Akaashi Keiji, smiles. "Nice to meet you, (Last name)-san."

"Oh! She's so cute!" says the loud boy – Bokuto Koutarou. "Are you sure she's not your girlfriend?"

Tetsurou laughed, chin digging into her head. "I've known her forever, that'll be weird."

"Kuroo, you're hugging her too tight." Kenma says with a frown.

Best friend.

That's all she'll ever be to him.

    Like a river flows, surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes, this love was meant to be

   It was rare to find Tetsurou at his lowest since he was usually contented with whatever happened. But they lost, unable to secure a spot at nationals.

So when she found him all by himself at the gym, she knew he needed to be cheered up.

Taking her ukulele from her bag, she started playing. Tetsurou looked up just as she started singing. "You with the sad eyes don't be discouraged, oh I realize" she kneeled in front of him, watching him with careful eyes. "It's hard to take courage, in a world full of people; you can lose sight of it all, the darkness inside you, can make you feel so small."

She continued singing to him, feeling her heart beat faster with every line. It was so hard seeing this down, it was so unlike him. He rested his head on his folded arms, eyes closed as she sang. He always loved hearing her sing.

"And I see your true colors shining through," she wished her words reached him. "I see your true colors, and that's why I love you."

For a moment, she choked up. Not intending to say those words out loud, but they were part of the song, and the way she sang it with so much emotion that the look Tetsurou was giving her made her nervous. His golden eyes stared deep into her (eye color) – filled with so much emotion, but she focused on confusion, probably at why she had stopped.

Regaining her composure, she continued. "So don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow."

Tetsurou cracked a smile, reaching out to ruffle her hair playfully. "When did you get so cheesy?"

"And when did you become this uncool?" she teased back, slapping his hand away. "Are you feeling better now?"

Sighing, he leaned his back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. "A little, but thanks for coming after me."

"It's not the end of the world," she tells him kindly. "and after all, there's next year. Right, captain?"

The look on his face was priceless – clearly not expecting that. But their senpai had already decided, Kai and Morisuke were on it too, as was Coach Nekomata – before it broke into a grin.

His grin was the biggest she's ever seen.

     Take my hand; take my whole life, too

'Cause I can't help, falling in love with you

  Tetsurou got mad at her, saying painful words to her face.

Furiously, he turned to face her. She took a step back in surprise, clutching her ukulele to her chest. Then her instrument slipped from her hand, landing on the ground with a loud crack. The words coming out from his mouth were hard to bear, and she could just stand there taking it all in.

He didn't mean it really, but the stress and frustrations were just getting to him. She knew that.

"You know nothing. I never want to see your face again." He seethed.

When all was said and done, he up and left.

It felt as though the life was sucked out of her. She couldn't feel anything, she felt too numb to move. It only came as a surprise that she was still there when she found herself sitting on the ground, rocks digging into her skin.

Picking up her ukulele from the ground, she was surprised to find that it was still in one piece. Except for the scratches on the surface, and crack on the rim of the saddle boards. Funny, they seemed like an allegory.

Despite it all, the pain in her heart and Tetsurou's harsh treatment towards her, she found herself smiling. Hot tears streamed down her face, teeth digging unto her lower lip as if to keep her sobs in.

But the pain of it all was too much, she was only human.

Hugging her instrument to her chest, she allowed herself to cry, sobbing loudly, body shaking violently as her heart broke into smithereens.

    She heard that they had made it to the semi-finals, being one of the top four schools, which shouldn't be a surprise. Actually, it was secondhand information from Kenma. Right after what happened with Tetsurou, she decided to cut ties with anything associated with him, which was basically everything – the volleyball club, Kenma.

It was something she had to – no, something she wanted to do.

No matter how much it killed her.

           "Hey, let's make a little bet. If I win, you go out on a date with me."

"And if I win?"

"You won't ever see me again."

          Gentle strums silenced out the lull machines, the dripping of liquids. Faint scents of flowers and fruits hid the overly sanitized room, with walls too white and dull.

"But I can't help," her voice was quiet, low, eyes transfixed to her fingers on each string on her ukulele. "falling in love," a lone tear slips down her face, though a smile graced her lips. "with you."

In front of her, the television displayed the live coverage of the nationals - Nekoma won against Fukorodani, and then lost to Karasuno.

She smiled, hugging her ukulele as tears slipped freely.

The memory of the bet they made when they were younger came to mind, making her smile. That was such a long time ago, Tetsurou probably forgot all about that just as he forgot all about her.

"Don't worry, you won."

Now you won't ever see me again.

          He was surprised when they came back to school, she wasn't there. She was the first person he looked for since she was absent during the whole finals match. But she wasn't anywhere to be found – not in the library, the music room, the club room.

He had a promise to keep, and an apology to make up.

So it came as a surprise to him when his classmates' expressions turned grim at the mention of her name. Some had begun to cry, some looked away, nothing was making sense.

But one word was clear to him – cancer.

He turned to his best friend, who met his gaze. For the first time in his life, he saw anger in those usually stoic eyes. He knew then that he knew, he always knew. There was also pain, pain for his best friend's condition. And for (Name)'s sake, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Without a word, he ran, as fast as he can, ignoring the calls from his classmates, teachers, teammates. He had to get to her. He had to apologize; he didn't mean what he said. He wanted to see her, hold her, tell her he was stupid and an idiot-

           But he was already too late.

[liltoshiba92]

Jealousy - CEO Kang Daniel au

Pairing: Kang Daniel x Reader

Word Count: 1,293

Genre: Flufftacular

Summary: Daniel can’t figure out what his feelings are and you can’t figure out Daniel.

Things had been awkward between Daniel and I since the dinner incident. He hadn't been avoiding me per se. After all, it would be near impossible for him to avoid his own secretary. Still, all of his interactions with me were curt and to the point. It was almost as if the embrace in the bathroom had never happened. I wasn't going to lie it made me a little sad. Seeing him show a speck of emotion had made me think there was a possibility that I could get close to him. Now I felt further from him than ever.

A small soft drink can found its way onto my desk. I looked up to see Jason with a playful smile plastered all over his face. "What's on your mind?" He asked as he sat on the edge of my desk. He popped the lid on his own can and took a long swig.

I opened my own can. "Just trying to get all of these reports organized. These new investors really don't know how to put things in order."

Jason laughed. His laugh was like sunshine on a cloudy day. I couldn’t help but smile as I took a sip of my own drink. "Don't let them hear you talking about them like that. They'll never let you live it down."

"I'm not scared of them. I'm more scared of Daniel than anyone else."

"Why? Dan isn't scary at all."

I couldn't even imagine being able to call Daniel 'Dan'. "Easy for you to say."

"I thought the two of you were getting along better after those other two were moved."

"We were but..." I trailed off. I didn't want to tell him about what had happened at the restaurant. The less he knew the better.

Jason seemed to pick up on my uneasiness. "I'm sure the two of you will find your stride soon enough. You're an excellent secretary. Worlds better than the last one he had."

"Was she really that bad?"

"So I've heard. People tell me she would constantly mess things up and triple book his schedule."

I hung my head. "Sounds like me in my early days here."

"Yeah but the difference is that none of that was your fault. The same couldn't be said for her."

"You're awfully well informed."

Jason gave me a wink. "It's my job to be."

The elevator opened and Daniel stepped out. His eyes quickly trained on Jason. Jason hopped up off of my desk and bowed. I jumped up and followed suit. Daniel nodded at the both of us but his eyes never left Jason. Daniel strode forward. He quickly closed the gap between us with his long legs. "Did you finish that report I sent to you earlier today?" he asked once he had gotten right in Jason's face.

"Sure did," Jason replied. His grin never wavered. "That's why I'm up here. I just left the updated report on your desk."

Daniel tsked. "You could have just emailed it to me."

Jason shook his head. "From your email it sounded like it was of utmost importance so I figured this was the best course of action."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "It looks more like you came up here to flirt with my secretary."

"Not flirt. I don't do that on the clock," Jason smirked. Then he turned to me and said, "What are doing after work tonight?"

The look on Daniel's face was a mixture of fury and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. "Jason, I'm sure you have more work to do," he snapped.

"Aye aye sir," Jason said still looking at me. "And I'll see you after work."

I was stunned. Jason had always been playfully flirty. He did it so much I had long since gotten used to it. But to now see him flirting so blatantly was a surprise. I could feel my heart fluttering in my chest. Before Daniel or I had time to react Jason slipped into the elevator. He flashed one last wink in my direction before the doors closed and he vanished from view.

Neither of us moved. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. I quietly sat down and went back to my work. Daniel continued staring at the elevator for a few moments before turning on his heel and heading into his office. I jumped as his door slammed shut.

Daniel locked himself away in his office for the rest of the day. Things were so tense between us that I didn't even try to go in. Unfortunately for me there were reports that I needed to get immediate approval for. I managed to save them until the end of the day. But once the sun started to disappear in the sky I couldn't hold out any longer. I gently knocked on his door. Only silence was returned. I knocked a little louder. This time I heard him call for me to come in. I quietly opened the door and slipped inside.

Daniel sat at his desk behind a mountain of paperwork. His suit jacket hung across the back of his chair and his tie was loosened around his neck. His hair was pushed up in the front as if he had been running his hand through it. The scowl on his face showed the stress he was under. When he looked up at me his expression shifted slightly. It became much softer but it was still a scowl nonetheless.

"I have these reports that need your approval," I said as I held the papers towards him. He grabbed them and began to sift through each one. I stood there awkwardly as I waited for him to read and sign each page. When he was finally done he handed the stack of papers back to me. I bowed and began to turn around and walk away.

"Do you have any plans tonight?"

I stopped in my tracks. "I think Jason wanted to grab dinner with me but I haven't heard anything from him yet."

Silence hung heavy in the air. Daniel let out a small cough before saying, "Alright well have a good time. I have a lot of paperwork to do so I'll be here late."

I left the office and closed the door gently behind me. Before I had a chance to collect my thoughts my cell phone rang. It was Jason.

"I'm so sorry. Daniel just sent me seventeen reports that I have to take care of so I won't be able to go to dinner with you tonight."

"That's okay. We'll do dinner some other time."

I hung up the phone and leaned my back against the door. It was clear what was going on. Still, it was unlike Daniel to act this way. He was usually so calculated about his actions. Even to the point that no one knew what he was thinking. It was hard to get a glimpse inside his head. Even so, I felt like he had opened the lid ever so slightly on his inner thoughts.

Daniel looked up in surprise as I walked back into his office. "Looks like my dinner plans are cancelled. Do you want me to help you with those documents?"

"That's not necessary. You don't have to do that."

I ignored him and rolled my chair into his office. I took a seat and grabbed a document. I spotted the hint of a smile on the corner of Daniel's lips as we began to soldier through the paperwork together. Even though he couldn't express the way he felt in a way I could easily understand, I was beginning to figured out what made him tick little by little.