#its not even a funny song its just a dude cheating on his wife and being edgy

[likeadevils]

was that interview paul mccartney and taylor did together in 2020 a big deal to you

at that time not a super big deal-- i didn't get really into the beatles until like, 2021? i think? but in retrospect routinely drives me insane. like paul mccartney heard my tears ricochet and mirrorball back to back and we just don’t know what he thought about either track. jail.

anyway here's a completely unrequested ranking of how insane it is that paul mccartney heard each song on folklore. also TRIGGER WARNINGS: cancer, death, drugs, infidelity, suicidal ideation

DISCLAIMER: 1) most of what i know about paul is centered around the beatles 2) you can not empathize with paul mccartney the same way you empathize with taylor. the dude is. he’s made some Choices.

songs that i regularly go oh my god paul fucking mccartney heard this song wtf

mirrorball (that’s him! that’s paul!)

mtr (i tried so hard to keep this brief. so. one of the things that lead to the beatles breaking up was like, song publishing drama, and also the other three beatles wanted to sign this fucking awful manager and paul didn’t want to do that and he ended up suing the other three beatles to get out of the contract and between that and various complicated personal stuff paul ended up becoming The Villian of the beatles breakup— or maybe not The Villian cause you know, the yoko of it all, but Villian #2. and then you add in the paul is dead of it all and how john lennon wrote a diss track about paul and one of the lines in it was “those freaks was right when the said you was dead” and it’s like. crazy. also one of paul’s biggest regrets was not getting the masters to the beatles songs and he’s been trying for like fucking decades and it keeps slipping away and michael fucking jackson bought them out from under him once?? it’s a whole thing)

exile (no cause the breakup took for-fucking-ever and was like mostly caused by “you never learned to read my mind” and he just has to endlessly talk about it to this day and reopen that wound and even though half the people involved in it are dead the conversation will just never end and it’ll just always echo throughout his life)

hoax (i feel like i would need a line by line breakdown but like bro. brother. brethren.)

upon reflection i will go oh god paul mccartney heard this but it is not one of the first things i think of when i hear the song

betty (his first name is james, which is just funny, and i would not be at all surprised to learn he said this shit verbatim when he was 17. or really ever kinda. uwu i’m too stupid not to cheat. also it was kinda your fault if you think about it. xoxo take me back please)

the 1 (such a paul song really. i’m doing good -> goes on to slowly reveal the most heartbreaking shit you’ve ever heard)

invisible string (not so fun fact his current wife (nancy) was friends with his first wife (linda) because they met during chemo but it seems like nancy and paul didn’t meet until after linda died which is the most fucking heartbreaking invisible string)

timt (one of the saddest pairs of paul mccartney quotes is this one time he said “i’ll do any drug except heroin, heroin is for suicidal people” (which is also sad because john lennon was like famously addicted to heroin) and then years later he was like “i did heroin after the beatles broke up” and its like jesus christ)

cardigan (like in a overall sense yeah when he was a teenager he did forever bind himself to a deeply inconsistent teenage boy and then that teenage boy found a different partner and left him, and some of the lyrics go hard through the paul and john context, but like overall it’s not like. like mtr and exile HIT when viewed through the beatles breakup lense and cardigan is like. yeah that happened)

august (i mean i guess? see above and see below)

illicit affairs (fuck sir james paul mccartney justice for maggie. i don’t know her last name but justice for maggie. man dated her for like three years while having this whole ass very public other girlfriend that he WAS ENGAGED TO and then that engagement fell apart because he was caught in bed with A THIRD WOMAN and then he keeps dating maggie AND MOVES THE THIRD WOMAN IN TO HIS HOME. and then he starts dating A FOURTH WOMAN and fucking ghosts maggie but then he showed up THE NIGHT BEFORE HE GOT MARRIED, cried at her, then left AND GOT MARRIED AND NEVER SPOKE TO HER AGAIN)

seven (he apparently spent a lot of his childhood just hanging out in trees people/bird watching? which is adorable. you also get the whole perfectionist looking back fondly on children being a peer to go insane. but also he seemed to stay in contact with his childhood friends to a kinda insane degree. but also man has lost a lot of friends)

epiphany (his mom was a fucking nurse who died when he was 14 and then later his wife died of the exact same thing. so i imagine the second verse Hits. aside from that though eh)

the two (2) songs that paul commented on

tlgad (he liked it!! this one gives me bigger george vibes tho. guys george’s house was so fucking cool he had all these weird caves underneath it and sometimes he would give people tours and have someone else lead them into the caves and then jump out and scare them)

peace (again said he liked it!! apparently got a bit hung up on the “give you a child” line which. fair. but also. listen to the song a bit more james i think it would give you mild psychic damage)

no brain damage

mad woman (i would actively avoid having to talk to him about this song. not cause i think he’d say anything particularly harmful (nowadays) i just think i’d be bored out of my mind)

[dolleyantoinette]

Nobody needs to Know from The Last Five Years is Sylvain Jose Gautier’s theme song. And no, I do not accept constructive criticism.

[nonasuch]

Today I listened to the Rent cast album for the first time in... a number of years, and it sure does hit differently now that I’m an adult and not an extremely sheltered suburban tween.

(the first time I heard any of the songs was at Jewish sleepaway camp in the Poconos. yes, really. we sang it on hikes. the girl who actually owned the cast album was in a different bunk, so I exclusively heard the ‘as sung by 12-14 year old girls’ version until I got home. yes, the lyrics were bowdlerized)

anyway! some notes:

Mark’s mom is still very funny and her voicemail is, perhaps, the most realistic thing in this musical.

I was definitely well into my 20s before I noticed that a Tom Collins is also a cocktail? whoops

wow but Benny looks different to me that he did when I was younger. like. the things his friends are mad at him for are Very Different from the things he does that are actually bad?

actually let me break this down.

Things Benny’s Friends Are Mad At Him For:

leaving them behind to marry a bougie lady

gentrification

‘stealing’ Mimi from Roger

Things Benny Does That Are Genuinely Bad:

cheats on his wife with a 19-year-old HIV+ heroin addict

okay, yeah, gentrification, I’ll grant you that

Things Benny Does That Are Good, Actually:

lets his friends live in the building he owns rent-free for a year

pays for Mimi’s rehab

left what must have been an absolute nightmare of a living situation, to marry a bougie lady

seriously can you imagine what that apartment was like

an unheated squat occupied by Benny, Mark, Roger, Collins, and Maureen? nope, no thank you

also Roger has only been clean for six months at the start of the musical, so he was still a full-blown heroin addict when Benny left

actually I would bet that the sequence of events went: April kills herself (IN THEIR BATHROOM) -> Roger spirals even further -> Benny gets the fuck out of there

and tbh good for him

anyway

I don’t love that they make the same “Maureen is a lesbian now, lol” joke twice in the space of like five minutes

the timeline of “Maureen dumps Mark, keeps him as her production manager for a month, then replaces him two days before her show” is... bad. Mark, you have a noodle for a spine.

Joanne’s parents’ voicemail: also still funny. “and wear a bra!” is perfect.

btw Joanne and Mark are both clearly slumming so idk why it’s only bad when Benny does it

hey it’s actually very fucked up that Angel killed Benny’s dog???

not sure when I first noticed this, but Mark, Roger and Collins all use he/him pronouns for Angel, and Mimi, Joanne and Maureen use she/her. huh.

“I’ll Cover You” is still extremely good.

Collins and Joanne are the only adults in this musical.

“Over the Moon” is a perfect parody of bad performance art, so props for that

oh good, “La Vie Boheme” still slaps

I have a lot more sympathy for the Life Cafe waitstaff than I used to, though

btw please envision 13-year-old me, on a hike in the Pennsylvania woods, with 20 other 13-year-olds who are all word-perfect on “La Vie Boheme” but definitely don’t know what a dildo is and kind of mumble their way through the swears.

god I loved “Take Me Or Leave Me” so much as a kid but WOW Maureen would be a nightmare to date IRL

tbh everyone except Collins and Angel should just like. be single for a while. take some time to work on themselves.

you know what, my decision to skip “Contact” on most play-throughs was both correct and, in retrospect, a Big Ace Mood

unsurprisingly, the reprise of “I’ll Cover You” still makes me tear up.

“What You Own” isn’t bad, as such, but it does make me roll my eyes at both Mark and Roger. Especially Mark. my dude, you have by far the fewest problems of any of your friends, and you need to take it down a notch.

the little moment where Mark corrects “Muffy” to “Alison” is really interesting to me? the implication is that they know her well enough now to feel bad about the nickname. I choose to believe that Alison is actually way too good for Benny and his friends all come to recognize that.

aw, Roger. “Your Eyes” is very heartfelt. it’s not good, but it’s heartfelt.

I still like the finale a lot, but boy, these kids have a LOT of problems, huh.

hm apparently I have extensive opinions about what would happen to the characters over the next 25 years.

okay just right off the bat: I doubt that Mimi lives more than a year. sorry! but her odds are Not Good

I would like to think that Roger makes it a little longer than Mimi -- at least long enough to record an album

does Benny bankroll the album and get him a record deal, out of guilt? probably.

does Roger, when he dies, leave the IP and royalties to Mark anyway? also probably

his album reaches a Jeff Buckleyesque level of posthumous cult fame, which is nice for him

sometimes he is featured in listicles about 12 Artists Who Recorded Their Last Albums As They Died

assuming Alison doesn’t leave his dumb ass, I would like to think that Benny chills the fuck out and learns some empathy once they have kids

regrettably, he probably does manage to become a dot-com billionaire

Joanne is 100% married and living in DC by today, and she and her wife both work on the Hill. I can guarantee that they send their kids to either Sidwell Friends or the Maret School. maybe Duke Ellington for high school

Maureen has joined a cult at least once and has almost no contact with her friends from her New York days 

I bet she’s the only one who actually lives in the Southwest now

she goes to Burning Man every year without fail

Mark has never made a commercially successful film

he still lives in New York, though

mostly because the royalties from Roger’s lone album let him buy into a co-op before he could get priced out of Manhattan

some of his old footage has made its way into various documentaries, most recently on Netflix

in his free time he volunteers at an after-school program where he teaches filmmaking to at-risk youth

they keep trying to get him on tik-tok but he doesn’t understand what that is

Collins is happy, healthy, gainfully employed in meaningful work, and in love.

FIN

[365days365movies]

March 9, 2021: Orpheus (1950) (Part One)

Greek mythology was my first mythological love.

And yes, that is ironically a very cliché thing to say about Greek mythology, since it’s by FAR the most popular and well-known mythology in the Western world, but...what can I say, I’m a sucker for the classics.

When I was 6, my mom got me a copy of the Odyssey, followed by D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths, and that book was my SHIIIIIIIIIIT. From the Titanomachy to the Trojan War, from Decaulion to Daedalus, from the Lernaean Hydra to Ladon, and from Zeus to Dionysus (my second favorite Olympian), I LOVE Greek mythology.

There have been countless adaptations of these stories over the last century of so, some better and more faithful than others. We got Blood of Zeus (which I...genuinely dislike) on Netflix last year, Lore Olympus is a fantastic webcomic and modernized retelling of the universe of stories in general (fuck Apollo, that’s all I have to say), Hercules by Disney is fun (though extraordinarily inaccurate), and who doesn’t like some Percy Jackson (the books, not the movies)?

Today’s entry won’t be the first of the Greek mythology stories this month; after all, it’s DEFINITELY fantasy, so there were going to be a few entries in here. Some will come pretty close to each other later this month, but for this one, we’re jumping forward 10 years from The Thief of Bagdad to 1950. Let’s get back to France, shall we?

Famous for his adaptation of Beauty and the Beast is Jean Cocteau, legendary French surrealist filmmaker. His stylings definitely capture a sort of practical magic, compounded with clever angles and fascinating visual and practical effects. It’s evident with the classic fairy tale, which I would’ve done this month had I not already seen it. So, instead, we’ll be looking at the middle film in a trilogy known as Cocteau’s Orphic trilogy. This is, apparently, the most important one. And that makes sense, since it’s focused upon...

Is Hadestown good? I’m real tempted to find a way to watch it, and it sounds like it’s just up my alley. I’ll probably check it out one of these days.

Orpheus was (maybe) the son of Calliope, the muse of poetry, and Apollo, god of music. Maybe. Parentage differs based on the retelling. No matter the parents, he was renowned for his charm and grace, as well as his voice and music. He was loved by animals, nymphs, and maidens alike. He was invited to be the Bard of Jason’s DnD group (AKA the Argonauts), and used Bardic Performance to inspire his comrades (and also helped them overcome the sirens by singing EVEN LOUDER).

But the one whom he loved most was his wife, Eurydice. Unfortunately, a satyr (AKA horny horned half-goat man) chased her right into a viper’s nest, where she was bitten and died. Orpheus was CRUSHED, and his song was so depressing that even the gods cried. They said, “Dude, go to the Underworld, get back your lady from Hades, please!” And he did.

Hades, the old romantic that he secretly is, agrees to let Eurydice’s soul, on one condition. That he doesn’t look back at her as she follows him out. Orpheus agrees, but the man can’t stop himself from looking back to make sure that she’s there. And she was...and then she wasn’t. So, our sad boi fucked up, and then...well, it’s spotty. 

See, some people say that he stopped worshipping Dionysus (his previous patron), and the wine boi’s female followers tore Orpheus to pieces as punishment. Some say that these same women got a liiiiiiiiiittle too into the Bacchanalia (think orgies, but religious and violent), and ripped him apart in a frenzy. And some say that he only took male lover from then on, and women tore him to pieces for not paying attention to them (also, possible homophobia). You know, it varies. Still, we can agree on the ripped apart by women thing. His head could still sing, and as the women threw his body parts into a river, it sang a song so beautiful that the rocks and branches in the river refused to strike it. His instrument of choice, a lyre, was eventually interred amongst the stars as the constellation Lyra.

The story of a pained artist searching for a lost love and losing her is all over the goddamn place, with the crazy-ass Moulin Rouge being a solid example of it.

But OK, let’s finally begin Orpheus, or Orphée to be more accurate. Gonna be a weird ride, I guarantee it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The story starts with a recap of the original myth, and notes that it doesn’t need to be limited  by time and place. This sort of story, after all, could happen anywhere and at any time. And in this case, that time and place are 1950s-era France, where we quickly meet famous poet Orpheus (Jean Marais).

At a café, he meets a friend, the Editor (Henri Crémieux), where they speak on Orpheus’ fame, which is not well-liked in a cafe frequented by poets. Also arriving there is a young drunken poet, Jacques Cégeste (Édouard Dermit), who is accompanied by his patron, known only as...the Princess (María Casares). Come on, guys, can we give our female characters names, please?

Anyway, Jacques quickly gets into a drunken brawl with other patrons, which leads to the arrival of the police at the café. They forcefully arrest him, but before they can, he’s hit by a couple of motorcycles, and potentially killed. The police bring Jacques back to the Princess’ car, with the help of her driver Heurtebise (François Périer). For unknown reasons, she summons Orpheus to help them. He agrees, and goes with them to the hospital.

Or he would be, if they were going there. Instead, as they drive off, Orpheus discovers that Jacques is dead already. They aren’t going to the hospital. Instead, they head to a mysterious mansion, as ominous and oblique poetry plays on the radio. They’re soon accompanied by the men on the motorcycles that killed Jacques, who work for the Princess. The plot fuckin’ THICKENS.

Back at her mansion, they bring the body of Jacques upstairs, much to the confusion of Orpheus, whom the Princess keeps calling stupid whenever he asks questions. However, he’s not proving her wrong, as she immediately convinces him that she’s actually dreaming at the moment. Although...maybe he is?

She sits in front of a mirror, which breaks...somehow. Frustrated, she commands Orpheus to wait there for her to return, as she goes to check on Jacques and her men. Like me, Orpheus is confused. This gets worse for me, though, as the Princess goes to the other room and tells the dead Jacques to get up. AND HE DOES. Well, Jacques’ a zombie, I guess. He identifies the Princess as “his Death”, which she agrees to. She tells him to hold on to her coat, and then...

...I got questions. I GOT QUESTIONS HERE.

They go through the mirror, and the Princess’ henchmen follow, just as Orpheus walks in. He also has questions, and he tries to go through the mirror, to no avail. Completely confused at this point, he passes out against the mirror, alone in the mansion. And then...he’s outside.

Yeah, he’s just outside now, and waiting there is Heurtebise, the chauffeur! Orpheus is freakin’ out, and Heurtebise has no answers for him, but has been told to take him back to town once he...arrived. OK. Still questions.

In town, the disappearance of Orpheus is being discussed by a police inspector, his wife Eurydice (Marie Déa), and her friend Aglaonice (Juliette Gréco). Aglaonice doesn’t seem to like Orpheus very much, as she’s trying to convince Eurydice that he’s cheating on her. And that’s hard to argue, since he was last seen with the Princess. However, just as there’s about to be a scandal reported by a spontaneously appearing journalist, Heurtebise and Orpheus arrive home.

After a rough encounter with the journalist, he arrives home to a relieved Eurydice, and an enraged Aglaonice, whom Orpheus also dislikes heavily. He’s apparently forbidden her from entering his house, and tells her off. The Inspector leaves too, and asks Orpheus to come to his office to discuss the matter of the missing Jacques.

Eurydice reminds Orpheus that Aglaonice is dangerous, as she runs...the League of Women. Well...I think we know what role Aglaonice is going to play by the end of this. Her and her League of Bacchanalian Women, get me? Yikes. Anyway, the conversation turns into an argument, when the EXTREMELY ornery Orpheus basically just storms off, being a DICK to his poor wife. And when he goes upstairs to his room, he actually sneaks out of the window.

Meanwhile, Heurtebise comes into the house to offer an alibi to the pained Eurydice. While she doesn’t quite believe it, the two share some time together and seem to bond. However, when he smells gas from the stove, Heurtebise lets it slip that he committed suicide by using a gas stove. He covers it up before Eurydice notices the slip-up, but...OK. So, “the Princess” is death. Going by the traditional Greek myth, she’s some form of psychopomp, and the world beyond the mirror is the Underworld, I can only assume. OK...I can dig it.

Orpheus, meanwhile, is at the car, listening to the strange radio poetry and writing it down. The, uh, “Princess” is busy as well. Like a ghost, she walks into the household and watches Orpheus as he sleeps. A narration refers to her as Orpheus’ death. Funny, I’m pretty sure that’s going to be Aglaonice’s role.

Two days later, Orpheus is increasingly obsessed with the poetry from the mysterious radio and its odd messages. While Eurydice seems to mock this obsession, Orpheus also seems to be far too enraptured in it. But, interestingly, the messages seem to be coming from nowhere known. However, it’s all beginning to affect their marriage greatly.

On the phone, the Inspector comes calling, and Eurydice asks Heurtebise to answer the phone. He does so, and soon after, we see the phone float into place, as if placed there by a ghost. That’s confirmed as Heurtebise phases to the outside from nothing, where he meets Orpheus and informs him of the message. The two decide to head to the Inspector in his car, rather than the mysterious talking car.

While Orpheus goes through town, looking for the Princess rather than the Inspector, there’s something that I wanted to mention here. Call it an interpretation. Apparently, Heurtebise is often considered an angel by critics and interpreters. However, I’m gonna suggest that he’s actually supposed to be a representation of Hermes, the messenger god and a psychopomp who escorted souls to the Underworld. Not sure about the Princess yet, but Cocteau apparently never meant for her to be portrayed as actual death. Interesting.

Meanwhile, at the Inspector’s office, both Aglaonice and Orpheus’ poet friends (supposedly) are accusing Orpheus of being involved in Jacques’ disappearance. The Inspector turns them away, just as Heurtebise and Orpheus reconvene in town. While Orpheus didn’t find the Princess, Heurtebise says that she came by, saying that he could stay with the married couple for now.

Speaking of the Princess, we see her at night, staring over Orpheus. And her eyes are...strange. They seem artificial, and it bothers the EVER-LOVING SHIT out of me. And the whole affair isn’t helping Eurydice either, as she’s tired of Orpheus’ obsession with the car, and is planning on going to Aglaonice for advice. Heurtebise tries to stop her from doing so, but she insists. But when she goes...the motorcyclists come for her. And she’s dead. As proven when the Princess arrives through the mirror.

Alongside her comes Jacques, acting as the Princess’ servant. She notes to him that their work isn’t easy, and couldn’t be done if she were dressed in the way the humans portray her. So, she is seemingly Death, or at least an aspect of Death. Obviously, as we’re talking about the Greek story, we can assume that she’s meant to be Hades in particular. But, we’ll see. It’s also confirmed, by the way, that the mysterious messages are indeed Jacques’ poetry, recited by him on the radio waves from beyond the grave. Neat.

Heurtebise is clearly upset with what’s just happened to Eurydice. He asks if the Princess actually had orders to kill Eurydice. She avoids the question, and guesses correctly that Heurtebise has fallen in love with Eurydice. He confirms this, and counters with the fact that the Princess has seemingly fallen in love with ORPHEUS. The plot fucking THICKENS.

Good place to pause, I think. Halfway mark and all. See you in Part Two!

[jeffhane]

dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: That Was No Lady

Dorothy dates a married man and struggles with her conscience. Blanche tries to sell Rose her car.

Picture It...

Blanche interrupts Rose and Sophia’s game of Trivial Pursuit to say she’s buying a new car. She can afford it if she can sell her old car -- and, as Sophia points out, Rose needs a car. Blanche is initially resistant, as she doesn’t like the idea of selling to a friend. But she does come around to the idea and offers it to Rose. Rose initially says the car isn’t her type, but Blanche offers to let her have it on a trial basis for two weeks, and Rose accepts.

ROSE: What the heck? You only live once. Might as well be daring! SOPHIA: Rose, it’s a used car. It’s not a seat on a space shuttle.

Dorothy, meanwhile, enters and effuses about her date with a gym teacher named Glen O’Brien. She’s very excited, though she doesn’t know him very well. Rose relates how she was hit with love at first sight for her future husband Charlie, when they were 7 and 8, respectively. He had a small insurance stand, and Rose bought a policy for her wagon. When it was promptly demolished by hogs offended by the smoked ham she was hauling, Charlie paid for a new one out of pocket. The other three Girls can only look on in bafflement.

Weeks later, Dorothy is with Glen in a hotel room. She’s floating on air with happiness, and Glen professes his love for her. Everything seems to be great -- maybe too great. Dorothy asks him to go away to the Bahamas, and Glen says he can’t do it. His whole demeanor changes, worrying Dorothy. He finally confesses the truth: He’s married. Dorothy is shocked and horrified, accusing Glen of lying to her. He tries to justify why he’s still married, but Dorothy doesn’t listen and storms out.

BLANCHE: Oh Rose, wake up and smell the coffee. An auto mechanic is the last person to take a car to. They only make money if they tell you there’s something wrong with it. ROSE: Oh that’s a good point! SOPHIA: . . . Boy I wish I had a car to sell.

Later, Rose complains to Blanche that her car is making funny noises, which Sophia says sounds like a bad sign. However, Blanche talks Rose out of going to a mechanic. Sophia is amazed at Rose’s naivete, and leaves the room. The phone rings, and Rose initially thinks it’s Glen and harshly tells him off -- but it turns out to be an official from the school district, offering Dorothy a teaching job.

Dorothy isn’t ready to go back to work, as she misses Glen. Rose and Blanche play angel and devil on her shoulders, respectively: Rose thinks she needs to stay away from Glen, as he’s married. Blanche, meanwhile, thinks Dorothy should seize happiness with him, even if it’s not in the most moral of ways. The phone rings again, and this time it is apparently Glen. Dorothy turns him down, to Rose’s approval. Rose and Blanche go into the kitchen, and Dorothy immediately calls Glen and asks to meet him.

ROSE: A motel, Dorothy? A cheap, tawdry, bare-bulb den of iniquity? DOROTHY: We didn’t drive to Sodom and Gomorrah, Rose.

Dorothy returns from her date in the middle of the night and instantly gets defensive when she encounters Rose. She confirms to a judgmental Rose that she and Glen went to a motel. Blanche finds them both in the kitchen, and they continue to argue about the morality of what Dorothy’s doing. Rose is still harsh in her judgement, and Dorothy says at least Blanche can relate. But Blanche can’t: She’s never been with a married man. Sophia enters, having overheard, and firmly tells Dorothy she should have more respect for herself than to be a side piece.

Later, Sophia is rocking out on the lanai to a censored song. Rose comes running in, frantic. Blanche also enters and confesses the truth about the car: It’s a piece of junk, and she was hoping to pawn it off on Rose for full price to pay for her new car. Rose says it doesn’t matter now: The car’s been stolen. When Sophia points out the insurance will reimburse Blanche the full price for the stolen car, Blanche is ecstatic. Dorothy enters and Sophia chastises her again. Dorothy begs her mother to leave her alone, as she’s happy, but Sophia doubts that, especially as Glen isn’t going to leave his wife.

ROSE: Blanche? Was the gist of what you were saying before that you intended to cheat me? BLANCHE: Cheat you? Rose, you just analyze everything to death!

Dorothy is in a motel room with Glen (the same motel room from the last time we saw Glen, strangely), and tells him they need to talk. She says she doesn’t want to be the Other Woman, and Glen isn’t willing to divorce his wife, so the relationship isn’t going to work. Glen continues to try and justify staying in his marriage, but Dorothy says he’s trying to have it both ways, and that’s not fair to her. She tells him she’ll hurt after this, but it’s the right thing to do, and walks out.

Dorothy returns home and tells Sophia, asking if her mother’s still angry. Sophia says she wasn’t angry, just concerned to see Dorothy in so much distress. Blanche and Rose return, and ask if Sophia and Dorothy want to go cruising in Blanche’s brand new car. Dorothy initially says she just wants to relax after the day she’s had, and the other Girls agree. After three seconds of silence in the kitchen, Dorothy’s had enough.

DOROTHY: Boy, this is DEPRESSING. Girls, let’s go cruising. BLANCHE: Hey, I know a place where guys wrestle naked in the mud!

“Another date with Mrs. O’Brien’s husband?”

Episodes that deal with the Girls struggling over moral issues are a thorny one, because Golden Girls can -- and does -- handle such quandaries well. This episode, however, isn’t a particularly engaging one. It’s not a total letdown, as it’s saved by the B-plot and Sophia being the voice of reason for everyone involved.

The whole quandary at the heart of the episode is basically, “Dorothy sees married man, tries to make it work, and then realizes it’s not worth it.” If you want to see a nuanced take on infidelity . . . I don’t know, watch The Women, or something, because that’s not what this is. It boils down to Dorothy realizing that the arrangement is too morally wrong for her, and that’s basically it.

DOROTHY: His name is Glen O’Brien. ROSE: Where’d you meet him? SOPHIA: His name is “O’Brien.” Two-to-one, she met him at a gin mill.

Dorothy realizing that Glen’s absolute refusal to leave the wife he claims to no longer love is incredibly unfair to her is a good moment, but the process it takes to get her there is plotted strangely: She insists, right up until the final moments of the episode, that she’s not going to stop seeing Glen and that she’s comfortable with doing the “wrong” thing for the sake of her own gratification, but then switches in those final moments. Sophia keeps insisting Dorothy’s morally conflicted about it, but she denies this right up until the end. It’s not that I don’t buy Dorothy’s internal conflict -- I just would have appreciated it if she herself acknowledged it at some point before the break-up.

Rose and Blanche representing the different moral stances on the matter is also a little unusual. While Rose is coming at it from the morally correct stance, the show makes her judgmental attitude unbearably smug, possibly to make it a little more understandable when Dorothy ignores her. It’s also strange that Blanche is so insistent that Dorothy continue the affair when she later admits she’s never had one herself and didn’t think a married man would be worth the effort -- oh, and it’s also a little mean that Dorothy and Rose just assume Blanche has at some point slept with a married man.

There’s one omission that’s so glaring by its absence that I can’t help but feel a scene or line was cut somewhere: You’d think that, at some point, Sophia would call Dorothy out on the fact that, as a victim of a cheating husband herself, she should be the last person to try to justify an extramarital affair. Even just a single mention of Stan’s name would have been a very effective way of Sophia getting her point across, but it doesn’t happen, and I don’t for the life of me know why.

SOPHIA: So you started up with your married man again. DOROTHY: How did you know? SOPHIA: I’m the Amazing Kreskin. I was listening at the door. DOROTHY: Oh Ma. SOPHIA: Oh, I can’t put my ear to the door, but you can put your--DOROTHY: Ma!

It’s a shame, because the hypocrisy is what makes Dorothy the perfect protagonist of this episode. Her very first spotlight episode was her tearing into her ex-husband for his blatant infidelity, and yet she’s doing everything she can to justify being the Other Woman, trying to find a way to reconcile her morality with her emotions. It would have made the ending, in which Dorothy realizes that she wants to be better than her ex-husband, mean so much more.

For the record, this episode doesn’t do Dorothy any favors by the way it characterizes Glen. Maybe the actor, Alex Rocco, just lacks the necessary charisma -- when this character comes back played by Jerry Orbach in a later episode, it’s much more obvious why Dorothy is attracted to him. Or maybe it’s just a matter of time constraints: Here the character gets maybe three lines of dialogue before he confesses and starts trying to justify himself, and I don’t know if even Jerry Orbach (or any actor, for that matter) had enough charisma to make that work.

Something about the way Glen is written is just... slimy. While he professes to love Dorothy, his dialogue is just littered with manipulative bullshit. When he first tells Dorothy the truth, she immediately gets mad at him for lying to her, and he says, “I couldn’t lie to you. That’s why I told you.” Dude, you did lie to her -- you dated her for three weeks before you told her you were married! Then, when Dorothy breaks up with him, he says, “Please think about what you’re throwing away,” implicitly making her the bad guy who’s ruining the relationship, when he’s the one who’s creating the problem by trying to have his cake and eat it too.

BLANCHE: What’ll you give me for it? ROSE: Oh I couldn’t buy your car. It’s not my type. I want a car that says, “Practical.” Your car says . . . “Available.” BLANCHE: Well just take off my personalized plates.

I do like the B-plot of the episode, because it does exactly what a B-plot needs to do in a serious-ish episode like this: It adds levity and makes the final scene after the painful break-up funny, so the episode ends on a light note. I mean, there’s no rhyme or reason to Blanche saying she knows a place where men wrestle naked in the mud, but goddamn do I need that laugh by that point.

This is also one of the better episodes when it comes to balancing all four Girls evenly across both plotlines. Blanche and Rose are equally preoccupied with the B-plot, while Dorothy gets the lion’s share of the A-plot. In previous episodes, when this has been the case, Sophia’s gotten short shrift, usually consigned to a handful of lines -- though usually, they’re all the best ones.

In this episode, however, Sophia’s the connective tissue that ties the two plots together, being the rational one to point out the problems with Blanche and Rose’s car loan, and also being the voice of Dorothy’s conscience. It’s also one of the first episodes that really makes use of Sophia as an older mother/mentor figure to the other Girls.

One thing to note is how this episode has been edited strategically for copyright reasons: In both the Hulu and Amazon versions of the episode, they’ve carefully cut around Sophia rocking out on air guitar to a particular song on the lanai, probably because neither company owns the rights to the song she’s singing along to. For the record, it’s “Purple Rain,” by Prince. Here’s what the scene looks like on the DVD release:

I really wish they hadn’t cut this part out of the episode, even if I understand the underlying copyright reasons, since it’s actually very appropriate. “Purple Rain” has lyrics about not wanting to be someone’s “weekend lover” and how the singer “could never steal you from another.” I know that’s not what Prince said the song was about, but with a strictly surface listen, it sounds very apropos to the episode’s story. Also, the part where Dorothy expresses her frustration with Sophia by twisting the volume knob all the way up and blowing out Sophia’s ears is pretty hilarious, not going to lie.

By the way, there’s also a weird subtitle censor in the Hulu version of this episode. Blanche in the opening scene quotes her great-grandfather as saying two things you never sell to a friend are a car and a slave -- “because if either one of them quits working, you’ll never hear the end of it.” Hulu changes that second word to “sleigh,” which I found amusing.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite Part of the Episode:

BLANCHE: Oh honey, you’ve been hit by the thunderbolt. Love at first sight! It happened to me once. SOPHIA: Once? You’ve been hit by more lightning than the World Trade Center. ROSE: I was hit by the thunderbolt once. SOPHIA: Probably a direct hit to the forehead.

[gleefail]

Glee Memories: 1x10 Ballad

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x10 Ballad “Ok, who can tell me what a ballad is?” “It’s a male duck”

ok, I disagree with Schue’s definition of a ballad. “Stories set to music” – um…isn’t that every song? Or is it just in musicals that it’s supposed to be, lol?

“Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio showchoir committee FINALLY paid off” and the look she gives Puck. Haha. This Rachel Berry is funny. Cause they’re letting us laugh at her right along with her. Not asking us to put her on a pedestal and/or take her seriously all the damn time. I’m not even gonna get started. I’m watching this post Props/Nationals, and though I didn’t think it could, my hate has grown. In abundance. Trying to keep it in check. Moving on…

“I bet that duck’s in the hat”

“Matt’s out sick today. He had to go to the hospital cause they found a spider in his ear” Um, ew. Also terrifying. However, humorous nonetheless. And an effort to explain a random absence of a Glee club member. Remember how they used to do that?

Aw, Artie drew Quinn’s name out of the hat. :) 2 seasons later and they’ll get 2 duets (both of which I loooove). Shame they didn’t do it this ep. Romantic or just friends, I ADORE the chemistry with Diana and Kevin. I really wanted to see more of that. :(

omg. Kurt’s face when Finn pulls his name. Adorable. Also, I love that Finn is not cool with it but a year later Sam is totes fine. Maybe that’s just cause I love dudes that are comfortable enough in their sexuality to do things that d-bags in high school might tease them about being gay for. Or maybe that’s just cause I love Sam Evans. Couldn’t tell ya. Except yeah, I totes could. It’s cause I wants a Trouty Mouth to call my very own. *lesigh*

“other asian” Ha!

Brittana!

“The fates talked, Mr. Schue” #BlessFinnsHeart

I love the voice-overs during Endless Love: “Screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me” “I love the days when I wear no underwear” “I never noticed how nice Rachel’s butt is…oh crap! I think Quinn knows I’m staring at it!”

I also love the facial expressions of Rachel and Mr. Schue here. Hilarious.

Haha – Brad’s like “wtf is happening?”

“Crap – she looks crazy right now!” hahahahahaha

Because of Rachel’s realization through this song, it means Lea Michele can’t squint nearly as much. Wow. It’s like a whole new Rachel with her eyes open while she’s singing.

Artie’s face after the duet. It’s like someone stepped in dog poop.

Ok, Charlotte Ross was in a show in the 90’s I used to watch that, if I recall, failed miserably but nonetheless had a brief stint as my guilty pleasure show. And I can’t remember what it is for the life of me and keep forgetting to look when I have access to google it. Anyone?

“I don’t want you to lift a finger for me. I’m your wife!” Oh wow. So unhealthy. So republican. Soooooo some parts of Ohio. These are the folks that voted for Bush. :/ Yep, I’m still ashamed to be from Ohio when I think of that election.

Suzy. Pepper. Yes. I love this actress. Bright and Hannah were my OTP on Everwood. I miss them.

“You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That’s so romantic.”

“Listen, you little psycho, this is Will’s wife, and if I don’t get enough sleep my anti-depressants won’t work, and then I’ll go crazy and I’ll kill you.” Oh Terri. So maternal and loving.

Suzy Pepper is sobbing to More Than Words. That was my jam back in the day!

“Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling…and….inappropriate.”

“Thank God I never missed a piano lesson” – really Kurt? Is this the first and only time we’re to believe Kurt can play piano well enough to accompany someone from memory?

Finn singing I’ll Stand By You to a sonogram dvd on his laptop. I have no words. I don’t think I thought it was this weird the first time I watched it.

So Finn’s mom busts him singing to said laptop sonogram dvd…and he doesn’t close the laptop…or stop the dvd…or try to hide the screen. He sits up next to it as she approaches him, almost begging her to see it. I felt the same way then as I do now – it was an opportunity for him to not tell her necessarily but for her to find out anyways and I think he really wanted her to know so he could go to her for help and comfort and to relieve everything he couldn’t deal with about the situation. I’m just sayin’.

Oh old school Carol with her denim and that hair…she’s still such a great mom though. And this actress. My God. She’s amazing.

“You’re wrong, I’m right. I’m smart, you’re dumb.”

“Dude. Impulse control!” haha

“I dunno why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.” #BlessFinnsHeart

Oh Young Girl/Don’t Stand So Close to Me mash-up. I fell in lust with you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.

Seriously. Matthew Morrison is so hot in this mash-up. Yowzah.

“So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?” “Yes! It means I’m very young and it’s hard for you to stand close to me.”

“You’re a very good performer. He’s very good.”

Finn and Kurt bonding over their lost parents. This is a sweet scene.

“You think I should bring a gun?” #BlessFinnsHeart

“Casserole’s almost ready. Hope you like venison!” Ok. TERRIFYING to come home and find Rachel Berry in an apron, cooking you dinner, in your home.

Hey, remember that time that Rachel literally sang 3 lines of Crush and they released it in its entirety as a single from this episode? Ridonk.

“I found out today that my hamster was pregnant in biology class and I just started weeping!”

Aw, Mercedes and Puck are paired up for duet ballads.

haha. Babygate.

“Finn’s not the father! I am.” People be spilling out their truths to Mercedes y’all.

“Alright, look, you need to get something through your Mohawk real quick: you’re the baby’s daddy. It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father and that role’s already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on cause you have no business messin’ up that girl’s life more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much. ”Aw, Mercedes. Laying down tough love. And looking out for Quinn before they were even friends. Man. I love Mercedes.

Oh that’s right – Quinn has an older sister! Why did we never meet her?

“He wears a helmet when he plays, right?” – THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN’! #BlessFinnsHeart

“I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping.” Hehehehe.

omg. So I love this still. Finn is doing karate moves in the bathroom mirror to pump himself up to sing to the Fabrays that Quinn’s pregnant. That is so effing funny. What happened to this Finn?

You’re Having My Baby. Haha. This song is so cheesy. This scene is so uncomfortable.

So Quinn’s parents, unlike Finn, are NOT simple-minded and have figured it out. And it’s terrifying.

“We didn’t even have sex” #BlessFinnsHeart

Quinn’s parents are kicking her out. Well, her dad is and her mom isn’t standing up to him. This is rough. Especially when you realize they’re supposed to be 15. So wrong. Poor Quinn. And her dad just screamed at her that she was a disappointment. Yeah…she’s had to deal with some shit. And in the end, they don’t acknowledge that she did and try to make her out to be the bad guy, and selfish… Way to go, RIB.

Oh good ole Carol, without a moment of hesitationlets Quinn stay with them.

“Honey, you can stay here as long as you want.” Carol’s the best. So glad she found Burt.

“We’re not so different, you and me. We’re both mildly attractive and extremely grating. Love is hard for us. We look for boys we know we can never have. Mr. Schue is a perfect target for our self-esteem issues. He can never reciprocate our feelings which only reinforces the conviction that we’re not worthy of being loved. Trust me. I’m a cautionary tale. You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Get that mildly attractive groove back.” Suzy Pepper, ladies and gentlemen. Dropping truth bombs.

“There’s some boy out there who’s gonna like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don’t like. Those are gonna be the things about you that he likes the most.” Hmm…might be true. Never thought about this, but I’d say that describes Jesse. But not Finn so much. Maybe recently. But…he has made several comments about her being annoying or controlling as they were dating. And not in a ‘those are my favorite things about her’ kinda way. Just sayin’.

Aw. Kurt seems like he feels really bad about Quinn getting kicked out.

“Open your eyes! I didn’t tell you to close your eyes.” “Is there a cake?” No, there’s no cake!” #BlessFinnsHeart

Lean On Me. Watching this now, with one ep left and it’s graduation…yeah, I’m crying. Dammit, Glee.

haha, Mercedes just kinda pushed past Rachel who was front and center to sing her solo. Probably not intentional but still funny.

Damn, Kevin McHale.

Damn, Amber Riley.

SOLOS: Rachel (1), Will (2), Finn (2), Artie (1), Mercedes (1)

[sepublic]

Rough Draft for a Venom Sequel Plot

So in light of Andy Serkis being set to direct the upcoming sequel to Venom, and other similar news, I thought it’d be fun to bring up a rough draft I made for a Venom sequel, shortly after I’d watched the movie in theaters.

It’s actually the first of a few rough drafts I had in mind for Venom 2, as well as a  Venom 3. I also had ideas for a Venom 4, and maybe even Venom 5 and 6, but I’m not entirely sure.

For now, though, I thought it’d be fun to share some of these ideas had! I hope anyone reading this enjoys!

Warning: Mentions of Abuse, Bloodshed, etc. below. The idea is that this film will be Rated R, so expect some heavy content.

           The movie starts off with a prologue of the initial origins of the Carnage Symbiote (AKA Red). Perhaps it was born of Life Foundation scientists scraping together bits and pieces from Venom and Riot. Alternatively, Red lands on Earth on its own. Either way, it has arrived, or is about to.

           Cut to a scene of an abusive husband doing typical horrible things in a poor neighborhood apartment. The poor wife is screaming for help, and the terrified son is watching. Eventually, the son musters up the courage and yells at his father to stop.

           The abusive father, in a calm rage, turns around and advances, lashing out and asking if the son ‘wants some’. Right on cue, the wall bursts, and in comes Venom with the biggest, dumbest, shit-eating grin on his face. “I want some!” He muses. The abusive man screams and tries to run, but Venom ensnares him.

           Venom tells the man that he will never hurt anyone again- No doubt due to the fact that he’ll be eaten. Venom then opens his mouth and lunges in, but instead bites the man’s arm off instead. The man, terrified, runs off, trying to staunch the bleeding. Within, Venom complains that he only got to eat PART of the guy, and Eddie muses that the two shouldn’t abuse their power too much.

           The terrified son, meanwhile, approaches Venom and asks who he is, and what else to do. Venom tells the son to always protect his mother –unless SHE abuses him, too- and then turns to leave, before adding the iconic “We are Venom” line. Then Venom swings away, having developed web-slinging as a technique.

           Cut to a montage of Venom going about, helping in whatever anti-hero way he can. A would-be rapist is quickly gulped up by Venom. A corrupt corporate dude manages to cheat people out of money, but Venom crashes in and forces him to return the money, threatening to eat the guy. Said dude questions how Venom knew of this, and Venom muses that he has ‘sources’ (AKA Eddie’s investigative journalism). A person is selling drugs and ruining lives and is predictably devoured, as is a human trafficker.

           Throughout the montage, we have Venom cracking really cheesy, edgy one-liners that he unironically enjoys and thinks are actually cool. Eddie can’t be bothered to break the truth to him, not that it matters all too much.

           The montage ends with Eddie and Venom overlooking San Francisco. The two discuss their recent string of crime-fighting, as well as subtler affairs involving Eddie’s own journalism. Venom is occasionally used to do things Eddie can’t legally do. All in all, it’s a good life, and Venom agrees with Eddie that their symbiosis was quite beneficial.

           Suddenly, the two spot some generic bank robbers getting away with a heist. The pair give chase, but are soon hindered due to disagreements on how to act. This slows down the duo and causes them to freeze up in vital moments, and it ends with Venom crash-landing in an alleyway while the robbers get away.

           Miffed, Eddie and Venom ask each other what the hell was THAT?! The two begin arguing over how they should’ve done this, or that… Their debate cools down with Eddie trying to break it simply to Venom, and Venom in return admits that back at his home, just called Homeworld, things are rather different. Recalling this, Eddie asks Venom what his home was like.

           Right on cue, we cut to an unknown alien space craft infiltrating earth’s atmosphere, undetected by satellites and sensors. It lands somewhere, and out come a group of Klyntar. Among them are Plague, the Apocalypse group, Clash, etc. (Basically some Symbiote OCs I made up) It’s clear some are currently inhabiting alien hosts, while the others find hosts in humans and even animals.

           The group talks with one another mission-style, trying to find Riot, and they decide to use the knowledge of their hosts to figure out where he is. Eventually one host reveals a memory of a news article about alleged alien sightings, one of whom resembles Riot. It also mentions another black Klyntar, whom the Homeworld squad deduce is Venom. They decide to head to San Francisco, having found a lead.

           We cut to a maximum security prison. We get a look at Cletus Kasady’s daily routine. Because it’s from Cletus’ perspective, he comes off as a cheery dude with a lot of interest in bloodshed, with everyone else exasperated. Other prisoners are creeped about him- Cletus likes to creep them out with smiles, stares, or friendly gestures. We see how carefully guards restrict Cletus, and we find out why. Cletus finds some unorthodox method to badly stab and wound a fellow prisoner, shedding lots of blood.

           As Cletus is restrained, he muses that he loves the smell of blood like coffee in the morning, stuff like that. From the shadows, some scientists watch and mark down Cletus as a candidate for testing.

           We cut back to Eddie and Venom going back to regular life and routine. We get to see Anne and Dan again- Dan helps Eddie and Venom with check ups to make sure the two are fine, and regularly prescribes chocolate, having deduced that it has a Klyntar-friendly chemical. Anne uses her abilities as a lawyer to help Eddie take down corrupt people. It’s a very odd sitcom of sorts between two couples, one of which consists of a human and Symbiote. We also get to see some of Mrs. Chen, and Richard. Both are doing better as of late, and we get to see more of Richard’s family and how busy he is. Eddie always makes sure to help, and Venom remarks that he likes the guy.

           We then get (in no particular order) various scenes. We see Cletus be rudely awoken and seized for an experiment, which he cheerfully ponders about. Cletus is tied down to a chair and injected with something, and in typical Cletus fashion reacts enthusiastically to the procedure. Nothing happens, and scans show the ‘Proto Symbiote’ apparently dying. Giving up, the scientists send Cletus back to his cell. [Alternatively, Red just finds Cletus and bonds to him in his sleep]

           It seems to be worthless, until Cletus awakens to hear a voice in his head. Unfazed, he muses about gaining schizophrenia. The voice clarifies itself as a Symbiote, it thinks… To be frank, it’s not sure. Either way, the two interact, and Cletus explains himself and his world view. Red gets to see Cletus’ life and memories, questioning him on things as Cletus goes through his routine. The regular guards, unaware of the experiments, assume Cletus has gone even crazier. Soon, Cletus and Red hit off and become friends, and Red expresses its own desire to kill. The two experiment on their abilities, and are blatantly peas in a pod.

           Eventually, Red and Cletus decide to act. The old guard that hates Cletus mocks him, and in response Cletus cheerfully lashes out with a long red spear, impaling the guard and killing him. As blood spurts crazily and Cletus cheers, Red becomes exhilarant and enthusiastic. However, their celebration is cut off when alarms sound, and as they hear guards storming in, Cletus bemoans a potential separation.

           Red reassures him, and spawns hands that tear the cage apart. Guards come in and confront Cletus, telling him to put his hands up. Cletus and Red more or less look at each other knowlingly and are all, ‘Ready, Partner’ when Cletus suddenly forms into Carnage. We first see Carnage as a shadow stretching over terrified guards.

           Cut to prisoners just mulling about on an enclosed courtyard, guards nearby, when a guard flies in and hits the wall like a fly, bleeding and torn apart. As everything stops to note, other bloody body is tossed in, and in steps in Carnage- We get to see him in his fully, bloody crimson glory.

           Carnage gleefully greets everyone, expressing a desire to kill- And then goes on a massacre. Because this is from Carnage’s viewpoint, the whole massacre is played off as enjoyable and humorous, probably with an inappropriate song like Mr. Blue Sky playing in the background.

           Prisoners and guards try to escape or fight back, but it’s for naught. One tries to access an elevator, but Carnage is all ‘No no no!’ playfully and kills the schmuck. It ends with the entire floor smeared and awash in blood. Carnage laughs gleefully and dubs itself by its name, due to Cletus noting Carnage to be his favorite word, followed by Massacre, Bloodshed, etc.

           Carnage prepares to leave, declaring “We… no, I am Carnage!” before breaking out of prison and into the night.

           We get a scene of Eddie and Venom’s domestic life and their constant arguing. At one point Eddie questions why the two are together, and Venom muses that it’s because they are the only ones for one another. Next is a cut to Mrs. Chen, taking out the garbage or some other mundane task. She smells something funny and hears dripping, rounds the corner…

           And sees a torn-apart corpse, blood smeared everywhere, the word Carnage painted above the dead body. Mrs. Chen screams, and then we see Eddie and Venom in the midst of an argument, only to get a call from Eddie’s boss about a murder he needs to see.

           Eddie heads off and arrives at the gruesome scene, surrounded by police. He sees the sight and is disgusted, and even Venom is repulsed, noting it to be such a waste of good food before Eddie corrects him.

           As people question who could have done this, Eddie hears about Cletus’ escape and realizes that he has a Symbiote. As the two question how this is possible, Eddie gets notifications of more and more similar corpses being discovered across San Francisco. As this horrifying realization dawns in, we then cut to Carnage happily and darkly slaughtering a victim before setting to work writing his name.

           Eddie and Venom put together a team plan. We see stuff from Anne, Dan, Mrs. Chen, and Richard. The next night Eddie and Venom set out in Venom form, tracking down Carnage, when they’re suddenly ambushed by the Homeworld squad.

           They interrogate Venom, demanding to know why Venom is being a freak and wasting perfectly good food like this, where Riot is, why they fought, etc. It’s clear that neither group is thrilled to see the other, and Venom explains that he found an awesome host named Eddie. The Homeworld Squad is repulsed by the idea, and then hear that Venom killed Riot.

           They all laugh this idea off in disbelief. They’d rather believe that Riot accidentally killed himself, and this irks Venom. Eddie and Venom try to fight, but are clearly outmatched and are forced to retreat. Police rush in and the homeworld squad decides to retreat.

           As Venom escapes, they come across Carnage finishing a murder. Carnage notes Venom and mocks and challenges him before escaping. Venom tries to chase, but isn’t fast enough. Eddie asks Venom if he recognizes Carnage, but he doesn’t.

           Eddie and Venom devise a plan to lure in Carnage. It works- They confront Carnage in a power plant overlooking the sea or something. As the two circle and trade words, Venom asks what’s the deal with ‘I am Carnage’, not ‘We are Carnage’. Carnage explains that Cletus and Red’s symbiosis is so pure and complete that they’re practically singular.

           Venom and Carnage fight, but Carnage is the clear winner in this fight. Venom is constantly struggling and panics, which leads to Eddie and Ven fighting and hesitating. Carnage senses this and acts on it, pinning down Venom. Carnage brags that Venom’s bond is not as strong as his.

           Cue the classic comic scene of Carnage prying Eddie and Venom apart. The two try to keep connected by the tips of their fingers but are torn apart. Venom is flung aside, and Carnage dangles Eddie over a cliff, deciding to spill his blood into the ocean below. Venom attacks from behind, causing Carnage to drop Eddie into the sea below.

           Eddie loses consciousness, and comes to in the hospital with a concerned Dan and Anne. They explain how Eddie was found, and Dan reveals he snuck Venom in to heal Eddie. Ven explains that Carnage left. Venom offers to bond with and heal Eddie, but when he tries the two have issues. Venom is rejected, and the two realize they’re becoming incompatible. The duo becomes frustrated and angry at one another, questioning their bond, and as they fume, Dan timidly suggests they take some time off. The two consider it, but Eddie asks who will defend San Franscisco. Anne volunteers to be She-Venom, low key enjoying the power rush and freedom.

           Eddie heals and decides to take a few days off to recuperate. He interacts with his friends, and Chen and Richard can tell Eddie is down. Meanwhile, She-Venom operates. Ven questions why they should even fight Carnage, who wants humanity alive as much as Venom- Anne tries to explain it in Eddie’s terms, but Venom doesn’t understand. The two at least bond over a mutual love and frustration of Eddie, however.

           Meanwhile, a store owner checks their chocolate stores to see the Homeworld squad devouring it, and is eaten. As Homeworld Squad discusses the delights of chocolate and argue over who got to eat the human, they consider what next to do. Riot apparently is dead- So what now?

           Well, they can at least tell that this planet has plenty of food, so perhaps they can feast- And maybe even head back to Homeworld and bring everyone else. Carnage is listening in on this and acts, tracing the squad to their ship and destroying it, enraging them. Carnage escapes, with Cletus and Red happily noting that Earth must be protected.

           Carnage escapes… only to run into She-Venom, who tries to fight him with a police squad. Carnage pins her down and kills several policemen in a big action sequence.

           We get more Eddie and Richard interaction. Eddie talks to Richard, who has a wife, about relationship issues, avoiding explaining how Venom is an alien symbiote. Richard provides his own advice, while Anne gives Venom her own insight. The two also note that they have greater differences than Eddie and Venom, and laugh over it.

           Eventually, it all culminates in She-Venom trying to fight the Homeworld Squad, being outgunned and outnumbered, until Carnage comes in. Carnage’s bond and skills allows him to defeat the Homeworld squad, with him slicing Plague in half for example. He also utilizes a flamethrower and even a sound device against Apocalypse- Carnage has the stronger bond and outlasts Apocalypse, who gives in and splits before Carnage. Carnage turns off the device and defeats the individual War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death symbiotes. Deprived of hosts, all of the Klyntar retreat into the sewers.

           Carnage is triumphant, and then She-Venom hits him over the head with something. It breaks and Carnage is unfazed, because his bond is stronger. He fights She-Venom, pinning them down and mocking Venom for resorting to a c-list, bootleg relationship. She-Venom reactives Carnage’s device, and while Anne and Venom split, they keep the device on long enough to force Carnage to retreat.

           They agree that they need to get Eddie and Venom back together. Eddie and Venom meet up and try to sort out their differences, but when they try to refuse, they reject one another. It seems neither has sorted things out yet.

           This leads to both getting frustrated again and even lashing out at Dan, before apologizing to him. Anne angrily criticizes Eddie and Venom’s egos, and Eddie storms off.

           He soon gets a call for a job, and gains an informant. This anonymous person asks Eddie to meet at a place, and Richard gives him a drive because Eddie’s bike is busted. Richard waits outside and Eddie confronts the informant in a shadowy parking lot, only for Carnage to emerge, revealing it was a trap.

           Carnage muses that they hated to leave a job unfinished and have come to finish off Eddie. Eddie tries to avoid death, with Carnage playing a game of cat and mouse. He decides to finish things off, when Richard drives the car into him.

           He yells at Eddie to get in, but when Carnage lashes out, Richard takes the blow for Eddie. Eddie is horrified, even as SWAT reinforcements come in. Carnage laughs and decides to let Eddie wallow in misery a bit before leaving.

           Richard dies in Eddie’s arms and asks for him to get back with his friend, before recalling his own wife and kids. Eddie genuinely sobs as the uncertain SWATs surround him, concerned, and the camera pans up to the lonely night sky.

           Cut to Richard’s funeral. A somber Eddie gives a speech, and Anne and Dan arrive. Anne and Eddie discuss, Venom in tow, and Eddie and Venom reach a consensus on stopping Carnage when Venom notes how he liked Richard, giving Eddie a chance to explain things to Venom in more Klyntar terms.

           It’s decided- They have to stop Carnage once and for all. A plan is devised- Dan supplies Eddie with a REM scan machine to hurt Carnage. The plan culminates in She-Venom luring Carnage to some fancy skyscraper.

           Carnage defeats She-Venom, but Eddie comes in with a flamethrower and the REM scan machine. Carnage is seemingly subdued, but She-Venom is split apart. At the last second Carnage lashes out, breaking the flamethrower. The ceiling collapses on Eddie, but not before Venom reaches out to him and vice-versa.

           The rubble lands, and Carnage turns on a vulnerable Anne, musing about her poor life choices and the weakness of Eddie and Venom. On cue, the rubble rumbles and clears apart to reveal a newly-formed Venom and Eddie, now back together and stronger than ever before. As Anne gets somewhere safe, Venom and Carnage circle one another, with Carnage mocking and questioning Venom’s newly-fixed bond.

           In response? Venom challenges Carnage, leading to a climactic final battle beween the two. Floors and windows are shattered, but Venom manages to keep up with Carnage and even land several good hits. It’s clear that their bond has been restored to greater lengths than ever before.

           The battle leads to the basement of the building and its power source. Carnage redoes the tear-apart move on Eddie and Venom, but they remain attached by the fingers. Annoyed, Carnage tries to split them with a knife, but it rebounds, not strong enough. Sure enough, Eddie and Venom fuse back together, and in a smooth motion slam a punch into Carnage, sending him flying into exposed circuitry.

           As it electrocutes Carnage, Venom acknowledges the strength of his bond, before telling him not to underestimate their bond as well. Red fluctuates to reveal a similarly shocked Cletus, and Venom escapes as the building collapses on Carnage, seemingly killing them.

           The protagonists celebrate, as authorities return to report a charred corpse and ashes. The epilogue has Eddie and Venom celebrate their reunification, while visiting Richard’s family to see that they are well.

           As they leave, they notice another robbery on the news. Looking to one another, Eddie asks Venom if the two want another go, and Venom agrees with “With you? Always.” Venom forms and swings off.

           Cue credits. Then there’s an end-credits scene with a wounded, burnt Cletus being interrogated in a lab. Apparently the corpse was a fake. As far as Cletus knows, Red died taking the damage from the shock and collapse to protect him, and he mourns as scientists analyze him. In a dark spot, he closes his eyes, dozing off, and the last thing he hears is Red’s voice reassuring him that they’re ALWAYS there for him.

           In another end-credits scene, a sewer worker is heading down to the sewers to check an issue with the system. Cue a horror scene where he’s cornered in the shadows and drops his flashlight, picking it up just in time to see the Homeworld symbiotes closing in on him. Cue a scream, and darkness once more.

-Additional bits;

-There’s a corrupt tech ceo that Eddie is trying to take down. Perhaps he is the one that Venom intimidates into giving back money. Later, Carnage attacks the person and forces them to create a sound-device against Klyntar for him, as well as explosives to collapse the sewer tunnels on the Homeworld squad under the impression it would kill them. When Carnage lures Eddie in by pretending to be an informant snitching on said CEO, he drops the CEO’s bloody body to reveal that he killed the man shortly after.

-Potentially, Carnage could be the result of scientists implanting ‘Symbiote embryos’ into test subjects, hoping to create a Human-Symbiote bond that is formed through biology. Only Red and Cletus bond, and it’s left ambiguous as to why they worked- Was it luck, or was it because the two genuinely match and enjoy each other? Either way, Red and Cletus’ bond means the two can’t separate from one another, ever. Red, after being implanted into Cletus’ bloodstream, slowly develops and grows within him and initially manifests as just a voice before the two perform their prison break.

-The Scientists responsible for Red are members of some strange cult that worships Symbiotes. They’re led by a masked, cloaked figure with a distorted voice who has an uncanny understanding of Symbiotes despite being human.

-There’s probably going to be a subplot involving Jenna Cole, Andi Benton, and/or Tanis Nieves.

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[homosociallyyours]

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

[silks]

questions tag<3

hello followers who follow me.... i answer questions cuz i was tagged by several of my jaethots and yall r lovely and sweet

THE LAST

drink: lemonade at a tex mex restaurant i was just at and it was gud

phone call: @fuck-me-harder-olaf telling me about jacob sartorius getting handcuffed and shit by police fdfjdhjhwdj

text message: to the jaethots i said “lol”

song you listened to: shape of you

time you cried: dont @ me for this but i cried when kenia booked her flight to dallas cuz im a p*ssy

HAVE YOU EVER

dated someone twice: nuh uh

kissed someone and regretted it: nuh uh

been cheated on: nuh uh

lost someone special: yes, if this means they died :( RIP cousin Lori .....ily

been depressed: yeah but it was mild,, i do have anxiety tho that can get baby depressive. its called ranch dressing depression cuz its mild

gotten drunk and thrown up: yeth BUT i think it was cuz my cousin forcefed me like 12 pieces of garlic bread 

3 FAVORITE COLORS

PINK!!!

blue!!

yellow!!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: my closest friends r the ones ive made in the past year tbh wish i had more time w them b4 college starts!!!

fallen out of love: no cuz i dont feel emotions 

laughed until you cried: honestly,, like once or twice a week cuz i think everything funny

found out someone was talking about you: nah but i know the jaethots have a second group chat w/out me where they just talk about how im pretty and cool

met someone who changed you: yee it was an acting teacher and she just totally changed how i thot about acting and i became more confident w it

found out who your friends are: BITCH...,,..........,,. YES I FUCKING HAVE,,,,..........

kissed someone on your Facebook list: yep smooch smooch

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them? except for maybe some random relatives

do you have any pets: i have a beautiful betta fish his name is Drew P. Weiner and he’s so sweet.. he comes up to the glass when i walk by and hes rlly active and cute!!!!!! i love him !!!!

do you want to change your name: no i honestly love my name (lucy for the fakes) i think its rlly pretty

what did you do for your last birthday: i had a big party and invited like 50 ppl but only around half showed up but it was fun we had smores and wii!!

what time did you wake up: idk time is an illusion

what were you doing at midnight last night: i was falling asleep watching mothra vs. godzilla

name something you can’t wait for: KENIA @minsbugi COMING TO DALLAS!!!!! I LOVE MY MASTER DADDY<3333

when was the last time you saw your mom: like 30 minutes ago

what are you listening to right now: my kkt blowing up guess i better check it cuz im popular

have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes my chemistry teacher tom asher.... he the best science teacher i ever had and i miss him!! love that dude

something that is getting on your nerves: umm nothing rlly?? ooh wait a boy just played w my friends heart and that has me angry

most visited website: tumblr, youtube, & logic-puzzles.org im not joking i nut for logic puzzles im exposing myself as lonely nerd and for being unfaithful to spider solitaire

hair color: brown

long or short hair: long

do you have a crush on someone: yes on all of the jaethots cuz they r all the full package!

what do you like about yourself: im funny and my hair is pretty and my smile is big

blood type: b for bofa deez nuts (idk actually) (O? maybe?)

nickname: lulu, luc, whore, limpdick motherfucker

relationship status: married to my wife,,, @bae-jy we love each other

zodiac: capricorn on the cob

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER ... arrested development,,,..its always sunny in philadelphia 

tattoos: none but i want one of texas cuz i lov my state

right or left handed: right, so im not going to hell

surgery: never had one no thanks

sport: i played basketball in elementary school for 5 years lmaoooooo

vacation: i was just in wisconsin!! my second home! love it there 

pair of shoes: my LL Bean flip flops and my nike tennis shoes r all i wear lmao

MORE GENERAL

eating: i had tex mex,,, enchiladas

drinking: had lemonade

I’m about to: fart. ok did it

waiting for: kenia..... to get to dallas

want: a one.... haha

get married: YES PLS!!!!!! I Want children and everything... family is rlly important to me

career: writing comedy for tv 

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs.. i love hugs!!!

lips or eyes: eyes...... 

shorter or taller: taller pls

older or younger: older i dont need high school boys

nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS!!! love me some biceps.. but i love cute tummies

hook up or relationship: relationship def

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant..stay safe

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: nuh uh

drank hard liquor: yes im naughty

lost glasses/contact lenses: i think a pair of glasses is lost rn but i dont want to look for them cuz then it will confirm that theyre missing

turned someone down: yes....

 sex on the first date: never even been on a date sooooooo

broken someone’s heart: no lol

had your heart broken: i would say by a friend.. not in a romantic way

been arrested: nuh uh

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: yes im in love with @bae-jy and @kimsjaehwan they r beautiful and kind and funny and smart and im love them

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: depends on the day

miracles: yeah i think so

love at first sight: i dont sorry !!! i know u all think ur in lvoe with me after seeing me selfies

santa clause: no im not SIX FUCKING YEARS OLD

kiss on the first date: yeh i would

angels: yes..... @jaehwn and @dearlydaehwi are definitely angels.... love yall

OTHER

eye color: doodoo brown

favorite movie: the goonies!! and also spirited away and ponyo and jurassic park 

im going to tag alllll the jaethaggies bc fuck u i dont rmr who done it or not bc when have i ever not been confused or known anything and yall wanna read this anyways

i have none friends 

@king-jaehwan @jaehwn @kimsjaehwan @dearlydaehwi @minsbugi @bae-jy

but i prob tagged u in this already anyway

[loosinmynoodles]

Maddie watches...

A Holiday Engagement

   Working reporter woman, cares about dogs, cares about everyone, engaged to working MAN, has car, uses phone, he gets a promotion and her paper goes bankrupt and she goes “AW why”? He  (Jason) brakes up with woman (Hillary) on the street while she’s talking about the circumcision if their future children!!! 

“Look, I need a partner in life! A wife who’s gonna go where I need to go and do what I need to do and be excited about my accomplishments. I can’t get dragged down by someone who’s out saving dogs and cats and God knows what else.” AHH!!! HAHAHA why does that line read like he worried about what she’ll save? 

Her friend (the brunette, yes) posts a “fake fiancé wanted- honeymoon trip to Mexico is payment” ad online, you know how you do.

   So men post their video auditions to her ‘website’ and theres literally one where this Mexican man applies just to get the ticket to Mexico and the police RAID him during the video audition. *Montage of shopping for the perfect fake Jason* Hillary chooses man (David) who was established earlier as struggling actor and ‘totally lame dude’ she and brunette met earlier. 

   She meets David where hes also a barista and insults him a couple times. She motions to his face with worry and he says ‘ill handle it,’ but then she shows up next morning not worried at all about how he’s going to convince literally her whole family at Thanksgiving that he’s actually a corporate lawyer.  Needs to memorize her entire family before the trip yet he finds out he’s meeting the entire family during the car ride there, (we don’t see the car ride). 

   Her mother NAGS and she looks EXACTLY like how you imagine. family AND friends are actually ready to meet Jason. The SHEER POWER of her mothers nagging pushes this plot. 

    Her mother ANNOUNCES to the party about her daughters engagement ring, holds up her daughters hand, and the rings not there. Moms shocked. “Jason” comes in and does an actually funny long explanation about why the rings not there. (Why did she not wear it who knows?)

   So of course they get the same room and he DOESN’T WEAR PAJAMAS so she accidentally sees his PP. He’s not abnormally muscular but he looks good. 

    Mom just out asks how much Jason makes. She forces “Jason” to eat yam cassarole. Mom complains and whines about being anxious because she has been DEPRIVED of planning any of her daughters’ weddings so she blurts out that its December 21st which pleases her MOM ! Yay! Youngest sister (cool girl who smokes) just laughs at her. 

   Jason (david) helps the dad sset up an turkey oil pit outside to DEPP FRY this turkey and casually says its fine we can leave this alone until its boiling while also very casually asking if he’d represent a politician if he had to, you know, just as an example. (Dad is a politician). they leave this oil to boil outside under a tree. 

   Brunette is actually thriving during a phone call for help because Hillary calls for reassurance and Brunette is suiting up for a surf date with surfer dude who applied for the job. 

  Oil is getting hotter and the cool sister’s turtleneck fiance hugs davids feet and is obsessed with feet. He talks about feet thats his thing he’s got a feet thing.

   ASDFGHJKL the turkey is ejected out fo the pot. no flames. Mom almost cusses. So the turkey is ruined and apparently thats all they had to eat so thanksgiving is at a Mexican restaurant now. Cool sisters old boyfriend is a waiter and mom takes a dig at him TO the cool sister that he hasn’t amounted to much. I feel like this will be important later. 

   OTHER sisters husband is STILL not here and she’s had to make up an excuse twice now. I feel like this will also be important later. David says he’s not a big golfer but apparently thats a no no because Hillary grabs his neck. OH apparently they met because he won a Tesla because he was so god at golf at a golf charity event and she interviewed the winner. Mom points this out they clear things up everything’s fine. 

  OK WOW Mexican restaurant server does Spanish impression then recognizes David who RESPONDS to the name David!!!! HHAHAHA he just handles it. shes tries fighting with him after dinner about it but he HANDLES HER, her handles her MOM in such a calm way and hes like ‘It’s your turn on the cot’ lol. (He’s still sleeping naked)

   There’s a late night convo to get closer. He’s got a girlfriend who he met in Mexico and he’s trying to win her back. She explains he’s actually being used by the girl. The girl’s just got to ‘realize’ she wants HIM. He loves print news. He loves dogs. He’s wearing a robe. They bond over eating late night carbs. They’re basically gal pals now. They’re becoming BFFs.

   He bonds with the mom while Hillary is snoring. HE FUCKIGN CALLS HER MOM. 

   MOM makes her wedding dress shop on Black Friday and David comes because otherwise he would have to give legal advice to the dad for something that is still unknown. Mom wants to see the kissing wheres the kissing??? Mom makes it clear she FUCKS 3 times a week. 

   CRAZY woman tries to steal dress at stores my boy David HANDLES it. 

   We find Dad has sold a boat and that is BAD. Xmas tree is fuckin BIG their house is fuckin BIG these ppl are loaded so this is some white collar crime problem. 

   Mom invites a Catholic priest to TALK with them about their wedding apparently you need to meet ant talk before he marries you. Apparently he needs to be baptized before the wedding. He’s jewish. 

  YOO she decides after all the lying and the dress purchasing that its time to end this grand charade. David packs to leave on a train and Hillary will say the wedding is off the next day. 

   Cool sister is cheating on pediatrist turtleneck with Mexican restaurant waiter. 

  Cool sister makes them kiss in front of mom. The KISS is magikal. 

  The Girl takes the tickets to Mexico and other sister who’s husband is not here is apparently ‘unchangeable’ and a good provider and she pregnant again yes it stays vague. 

YOOO i set out to make fun of this movie but Hillary shows up to the cafe where mean girl who’s using David was supposed to take the tickets to mexico and she kissed him and takes the tix back while rubbing davids happy engagement in her face!!!! 

    They sing her favorite song on the piano because he plays the piano and she can sing. They sing into each others eyes. You get it. 

   REAL JASON SHOWS UP with flowers.(because he didn’t actually get that promotion) SHE SHOWS REAL JASON TO FAMILY AS REAL JASON. 

   Cool sister breaks up with pediatrist turtleneck during tension. This diffuses tension. Good! What movie needs tension? Dad asks for lawyer-client privilege with now obviously non-lawyer David then offers up cool little sister now that she’s available. (this all happens within 25 seconds). 

   Mom is understandably hurt by David but somehow wants him to leave after their very real bonding moments because it might ‘hurt her chances’ with real Jason?!?! David defends Hillary and do you EVEN READ HER ArtICLES because I dO!! HE grills this mom and she now understands the error of her ways. 

   SO REAL JASON STAYS and David drives away?! She wants Jason to kiss her (he wont hes got work to do) she asks if he really loves her (he answered a phone call- come on bitch hes got work to do!) She’s realizing things are not ok. Dad (the arbiter of wisdom) asks what she REALLY wants. 

  Mom has seen the error of her ways. Her articles ARE GOOD! 

Do you love Jason?            No

Do you love David?           Mhm ;( lololololLOLOLOLO! 

Car doesn’t start up. She borrows the Tesla! HAHAHA

They throw REAL Jasons shit out on the curb!!! Mom brakes the vase dad calls him a cab other sister is not involved. 

She drives to his house and GETS WITH DAVIIIIIIIIDDDDD!!!!! camera pans up as they kiss yeaaassss!!!

Cut to: THEIR wedding with the dress she bought. She even hi-fives surfer dude (brunette brought him!). LONG hug with mom. She mouths “I LOVE YOU” to Hillary. A LAB PUPPY jumps into the car with them!!! Happy ending!!!!

#holiday engagement