#its not enough to get just mental blocks im now also getting full on physical blocks

[bbunnybirdd]

augh, i want to draw but my arm muscles feel so so so heavy

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[golbrocklovely]

not the same anon but i wanna add to the alcohol thing. go out,have fun, do you but stas has posted herself out drinking and celebrating getting drunk,being hungover, and curing that hangover with more drinking. i dunno what’s happened to kat, it was probably already in her but she does a lot of this often now almost as if this were the go to choice of beverage. they both have posted themselves pregaming to go out and get drunk and one of them just posted a tiktok where both are holding 2 drinks each. Im honestly glad someone else pointed this out and noticed it too because most of the fandom seems to praise them and treat it like the anon said all cutesy and silly when its not.

I remember last year people blaming snc as a bad influence on the girls for drinking and look now. It wasnt snc it was them. the boys are working and theyre fine. these two are using this as a crutch. also how can you not feel emotionally,mentally, and even physically exhausted going out every night and doing this.sam legit quoted stas last year saying she rather drink than eat.

i'm gonna combine these two asks together since they are about the same thing. hope you don't mind.

this is kinda long so... i'm sorry about that.

so the last time i talked about this type of stuff/the last time i got asks about stas and kat drinking was back in 2021/22 and any time i made the same argument i'm gonna make now, i got chewed out bc ppl misinterpreted what i said and felt like i was minimizing alcoholism. as someone that has had family members on both sides have addiction issues with alcohol (along with other things), i'm not one to be blase about alcoholism. this is also not me shrugging off the real issue that stas and kat could have addiction problems.

however…. we don't know them. we only see what they post. and it's not impossible that they make it seem like they're drinking a lot when in actuality they might only be having one or two drinks. does that make what they're doing any better? no. i'm not making that argument. what i'm trying to say is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions when we don't know the full story. plus, you can't diagnosis someone via a couple stories and snapchat or two. that's just reality.

does that mean that them joking about being alcoholics is cool? no it's not. it's really dumb at the very least, and extremely dark at the most. my hope and my personal belief is that they are just partying a bunch and made some tasteless jokes. i remember when i was in college, basically the same age (if not younger) as them, and ppl around me would joke about being alcoholics. i didn't find it funny, but they did. and i'm gonna assume that it's the same thing with them. that it's not them casually telling their fanbase that they have addictions issues, but more "omg isn't it so funny how we drink every night when we party??"

i don't think this behavior is great, especially since a lot of snc's younger fans have drifted into being these two girls' fans. it's not cute to aspire to be drunkards in your early 20s. you wanna go out and have your fun, so be it. but be realistic about what your limit is. also, you don't have to hit your limit every night. you don't have to drink every night either.

but again, as i stated before, i don't think they actually have addiction issues. if they did, that's for them and ppl close to them who know them to discuss and figure out. not for us to speculate over a couple stories and snapchats. i don't pay attention to them enough to really know one way or the other, but regardless i think it's best to not assume something's wrong. if it is really that much of an issue to anyone reading this, maybe reach out to them somehow and tell them you're concerned. or if it's too triggering, which is totally understandable, just block them and move on.

i truly wish them the best, and i hope their fans know that excessive drinking is not good for you.

[anxiousanteaterr]

therapy sucked the other day and the gross feeling carried over into today. its rough when i dig stuff up bc now i gotta go do my job and exist n shit till my next appointment, and bettering myself is going to be hard when my depression is on high alert bc im in the process of taking the reins from it.

the good thing tho is that im learning more about myself. and a lot of what ive learned is actively playing a role in making me feel bad lmao.

i never really stopped to look at how bad my self confidence was because 1. It hurts. and 2. its... all ive ever known. Its been dog shit for as long as i can remember. From being bullied since middle school and from everything my parents told me growing up. All I know is to be too hard on myself. To ignore taking care of myself emotionally, brush off compliments and not take them, automatically accept insults as the truth, and to just sweep all the feelings under the rug because thats just... what ive always had to do. I even trained myself to punish myself when I try to address it. When I try to take care of myself mentally and to be kind to myself and have hope and pride. Even the most basic shit like "this is a real skill set that i have" is met with a mental block and a deep seated anger that gives me urges to physically hurt myself because im... idk, seeing myself in a positive light?? I can't really let myself feel anything in any decent intensity without immediately punishing myself for it.

And it hurts. And it makes me mad because I know better than that, and I have this intense ache that is begging me to allow myself to feel and just be. To let me feel angry. To let me hold grudges. To let me have regret. To let me forgive. And most importantly, to let me love myself in all aspects. Realizing I was trans and transitioning gave me such an intense high because for ONCE in my life I was truly loving myself in literally any fucking capaicty, and seeing myself in a positive light. So now that part of me (really just my true self) is just so desperate to keep going. To keep opening doors and let myself be human. I keep holding myself back because I was punished so many times as a child to NOT feel. To not defend myself. To not be angry with people. To not laugh too loud or act silly. To not make mistakes. But its just been too much of that. 26 years and im at my fucking limit. My canines are sinking into the metal bars of the cage I locked myself into, and despite the pain I am busting out of this cage. I'm just glad im fortunate enough to actively be in therapy for all of this, so I can safely come out of the cage.

It's also funny bc i realized one of the reasons i act so kind and be nice and friendly is because of how much i deny myself that own kindness. And how much I was denied it by my peers and my biggest support group (my parents) as a child. I hate it when i get angry and snap and lash out because it reminds me of how often I was on the recieving end of that. Hell, I tear up when I see parents yell at their kids at the store. I just don't want anyone to ever experience what I did, so I give and give, and smile and joke around as often as I can because I so desperately wish that I could have gotten the same.

But I am human after all, so I will get angry, and I will lash out. And I will get disappointed. And feel regret. And make mistakes. And I just gotta remind myself that thats ok! I can do these things and feel the full extent of them! Its not the end of the world when it happens. I just gotta learn how to keep it in check so when I do act human, its not blown out of proportion.

Finally, I have to really work on the self-confidence thing of "im not a failure". I'm in a specific situation where literally everyone I know irl who is "successful", has done the basic societal shit: got great grades, went thru college, and is working "a real, professional job". I did -and am doing- none of those things! lmao. And despite me not genuinely regretting it bc its saved me money and stress, its v hard to not let those societal norms make you feel worthless bc youre not fitting into the mold. I also have real bad exectutive function that will most likely go untreated forever, so I have to remind myself to not beat myself up over THAT bc its something i cannot control. I AM doing my best, and it WILL be enough. And life progresses pretty slowly, I have until the day I drop dead to do whatever the fuck I want. I should stick to my guns and take my sweet time.

[pies-writes-and-more]

CHRISTINA ITS BEEN SO LONG (over 40 days I checked). IM SO SORRY I HAVENT SAID ANYTHING IN SO LONG IVE BEEN CRAZY BUSY. Also I had to make myself not go on tumblr at all for a bit bc I’m waiting to read the haikyuu series when it’s all done (I cracked and read kags but it’s ok) ANYWAYS HOW ARE YOU DOING LATELY MI AMOR??? I got to hang out with my friends yesterday we went shopping and I saw this crazy cute boy at Starbucks (he was the barrista that took our order) the under part of his hair was dyed purple and he had red eyeshadow under his eyes like eye bags and he was funny and nice and omg how cute he looked while talking to customers 😩😩

Anyways I read modern day Romeo and Juliet part 2 OH MY GOD IT WAS SO CUTE AND SWEET THE PART WHERE HE SAYS HELL LEAVE IF READER DOESNT LIKE HIM BACK AND HE HAS A SOFT LOOK IN HIS EYES 😩😩😩 THE PART WHERE HE KISSES HER HAND WHEN HE SAYS GOODNIGHT HAD ME SCREAMING

Can you tell I’m trying to say as much as possible to make up for not sending anything for awhile

OH MY GOD ALSO I was on tiktok earlier and I saw this girl that was so pretty that she made me want to do art again (I’ve had really bad art block since like February)

I hope you’ve been doing well :33 🌸 (I’ll start talking regularly again I promise)

Ps make sure to eat regularly and get enough sleep and to take care of yourself physically and mentally you deserve it remember to be kind to yourself <3333

Pps LMAO PP I hope you have an amazing day (and have had a bunch while I was gone)

JFOWNFKWNFKE HELLO!!!! I’ve missed you a ton!!! I was worried something happened to you but ugh I know life gets so busy so no worries!!!

LMAO the series is done now it’s okay you can read them all in it’s full glory 🥰🥰 I appreciate you being so sweet and wanting to read my fics tho!!!!!

AWWW! I love falling in love with Starbucks baristas (another fic idea perhaps???? 👀👀👀👀) it’s just so cute haha

FLOWNFKEKF LISTEN I LOVE ME SOME USHIJIMA HE IS KING SHIT HE IS MY BABIE 😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕 pls someone protect him and give him love

LOL you never have to make up for anything lovely!!! I just love hearing from you 🥰 also I’m sorry for my late response - I just moved into my new place and shits been really busy and chaotic lately 🙃

Funwofnekfn ugh I feel that. I’ve had writers block for a while now and even with like art in general I really want to get back into it but I feel like I can’t 😭

🙃🙃🙃can’t promise we sleeping or taking care of ourselves but I just drank some water soooooo 😂 but I hope you’re doing super well babes!!! Sending you all my love!!!

Hehehehehe pp fjwonfkenfow Tysm bean 🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

be my festival date (masterlist) (karasuno boys x fem!reader)

modern day Romeo and Juliet (ushijima x fem!reader)

[b00bconnoisseur]

Under the cut im just ranting abt my mom so you dont needa read or anything 🤷🏽

I am just so fed up w my mom and am so goddamn close to telling her bitch ass motherfuckin self off for how shit she is to everyone especially my lil sister who takes the absolute most shit from my mom cause shes so far gone wrapped into her mindgames that we can see that she doesnt. We see and know that shes a narcissistic abusive (emotionally, mentally, and even has been physically) gaslighting manipulative homophobic racist and annoying bitch ass motherfucker who calls herself a mother but aint shit. Shes so shitty so thats why she aint got any frens, over half her kids hate her, her husband dont like her, family members dont like her, her DAD dont even want her in his house and only lets us live there because his grandchildren (us) and has said multiple times that if it wasnt for us he wouldnt let her stay w him at all point blank, alotta strangers dont like her, even all the librarians i knew at the library didnt like her and she knows it, she also gets karma n wonders why she gets so much bad luck, etc. She aint got anyone and thats cause shes a cunt. Once we all leave her she'll have no one and will be alone and miserable and i cant wait to hear abt her breaking.

I just so bad want to just yell at her abt how shitty and manipulative and abusive she is and how bad of a mother she is and how i so bad want to leave her, like legit leave to across the country cause i wouldnt live in the same state as hee cause ik how crazy she is and she'd try n find me, and wanna cut her outta my life completely point blank

Like how does she expect me or anyone else to like her when she just uses people and gets mad when ppl dont do what she wants n doesnt get her way, yells n screams her lungs out abt EVERYTHING, etc. She feels so entitled and that shes such a victim at all times that literally when i finally CAME OUT AND ALSO SAID I HAD A GIRLFRIEND she had a full argument with me the next morning and when i was loudly balling my goddamn eyes out IN FRONT OF HER from how mean n shit she was being to me she was like "why are YOU crying?" and played victim and said i was being rude n not considerate of how she would feel abt me telling her i was gay and said she would've just wished i waited another like 6 months till i was 18 to say anything. And she still continues to be homophobic

Anyway not the point but LIKE. Shes so trash n i cant stand her omfg

And she has serious shit wrong w her and bothers everyone w her mental shit. Like its not even "hey can i talk to you about this?" Like she constantly every second of the day talks about herself. She tells every single thought that goes thru her brain at every second ABOUT THE DUMBEST SHIT LIKE "i had a thought about what if i got possessed or you got possessed or i switched bodies with this person in the tv or you or you did or anyone or any" to my SIBLINGS and if they arent listening or dont respond or are like "um" she gets so angry and plays victim. She acts lik a full blown child i cant stress this enough. Shes so annoying and im just. And like she literally annoys everyone and makes everyone uncomfortable and irritated with how much she just keeps talking abt every fucking tiny dumb thought she has and i literally starting crying cause i couldnt take it anymore. Like she was and is heavily affecting my mental health n i told her that and she was just like "um you hurt my feelings, youre so mean" and shes SO MUCH WORSE NOW. I literally cant take it. If she was someone else id block them or cut them out of my life for how toxic and shit she is. Theres a difference between talking abt your mental shit and then forcing everything youre feeling onto everyone and getting mad when theyre tired of hearing it. Like i definitely have mental issues of my own but i dont go to my gf or frens every second and tell all my shit cause who tf does that and also theyre gonna be annoyed to hell w me and be like "bitch please stop we're tired"

Anyway i hate my mom

[sanstropfremir]

I absolutely LOVED reading your kingdom review. You gave me such an insight in things I never even considered, especially since our rankings are so different from each other. The Boyz was my favorite, the narrative was about RTK. How they felt bad for having to compete against their friends but eventually the groups only lifted each other up and it helped TBZ grow into the group they are now through the hardships and mental dilemma, falling into the next challenge right after they reached the top. It should have been more obvious though, I agree, it wasn't really visible for anyone who didn't know. I was wondering how you felt about the dancing in general? my reason for not ranking BTOB high was lack of choreo (and Peniel's verse), same goes for SF9. Mostly because I don't feel the hype when watching, it doesn't keep my focus on the stage. As a baby-performer myself, my goal is to make the viewer curious about what's next. is that the wrong way to look at it? that's what I've always been told, building the tension up and down to create focus. would love to hear your feedback on that! thank you so much for sharing, we need more reviews of people who actually know what they're talking about.

i'm glad that you got some insight from it! like i answered in the previous ask im here to hopefully bring some more depth and understanding for people that care and are curious!

you unintentionally proved my point about tbz’s performance: that is way too complicated! even the most talented solo dancers i can think of would have trouble distilling that down to something readable in 100 seconds, much less a group of like, a dozen people! the introductory stages are meant to show us the character of the group and their abilities in the most concise way possible, it's not the stage to do deep philosophical and emotional introspection. for a full stage? absolutely, go hog wild! but for this stage it was too ambitious and ultimately was ineffective to anyone that isn't a fan of them specifically. 

by dancing in general do you mean like, every group? i put most of my opinions on the dancing where i had them in each of the individual rankings but honestly? unless there is something that really stands out positively or negatively, a lot of ‘average’ kpop dance looks the same to me. i know it’s not, obviously, and if pressed i probably could do a more serious breakdown, but dance is only one element of performance. it has equal weight with all the others in my mind, and therefore i notice when it is either 

very good

does something unique

very bad, or

interferes with another element

which is the same as how i evaluate every element, if that makes sense. 

hmmmm. i thought about this a lot in the shower and turns out i had more opinions that i expected so i'll put them under a cut.

firstly, i don't think lack of choreo should be penalized or considered an ‘incomplete’ performance. at the end of the day, these are bands, and a part of their brand/product they sell is the music. complex choreo does not need to be attached to that to make it a successful performance. also, btob did have choreo. any movement on stage is technically choreography. but this terminology can cause confusion so usually non-dance choreo is referred to as ‘blocking.’ but they also did include the song’s original point choreo at 1.41. the blocking in their performance was well thought out and suited the arrangement, by placing spatial emphasis on each part of the song that needed it. obviously it comes down to personal taste if the performance is ultimately ‘successful,’ because all art is subjective, but just because something isn't as visually complex as something else doesn’t mean it doesn't have the same level of thought. think of it like this: one is a super clean-lined post-post-modern grey/white living room, and the other is a kitsch goth basement. both share interior design principles and have obvious care put into the space, but they are vastly different styles that appeal to different tastes.

part of the job of production designer/AD is to decide what gets emphasis. a question you're always asking yourself is ‘is this important to the story that we’re trying to tell?’ and btob/their AD made a very smart choice with their introductory stage because it says a lot about them and their abilities in a short amount of time. that stage said ‘our foundation is strong, we have the training and experience and confidence to be up here and not rely on visual tricks.’ because they know they physically cannot do the things the 4th gen groups can; they're a decade older and they only have four members, it's just not feasible. something you learn with experience is the power that specific and pointed emphasis holds, which segues into my answer to your last question. i don't necessarily think that ‘building hype’ is the wrong way to perform something, but i do think it is a flawed way to approach creating a performance.

i think that ‘hype’ is flawed concept at its core, and one that focuses on the idea that there’s always being something more, something next, beyond the work itself. now there’s nothing wrong with playing with tension within the internal structure of a piece, that's exactly how constructing a narrative happens. however, the flaws come once we extrapolate beyond the boundaries of that individual work. the idea of ‘whats next’ implies that you have to constantly be promoting, have a sequel coming, building hype etc so people will keep engaged with your work. which is deeply capitalistic in nature and operates on the assumption that art exists purely as a product to be sold. and in order to keep selling you need to keep making a bigger and better and more spectacular product. and this is not the case at all. marketability is not the essence of art, it merely a factor of creating it under this insufferable system. kpop in particular suffers from this because the industry is specifically fabricated to produce capitol. we can have discussions all day about idols and their artistic integrity but at the end of that day, they are all cogs working with a system that was specifically made up by essentially one person to be culturally exported and to just print buckets of money. so in following that train of thought, there is a constant attitude of bigger and better because shock value (whether positive or negative) gets social media attention and therefore it sells. and it has become exponentially easier (and also seemingly required) to make things that are bigger and better than ever before. i remember being blown away by the projection floor at the sochi 2014 olympics because something of that scale and complexity would never have been possible without literally having the funding of the olympics. now that technology is easily accessible to anyone with an amazon account and the time to learn how isadora works. in comparison, it took 2400 YEARS for just the job of a ‘theatre designer’ to be even become a job at all.

because of kpop’s fan culture it is especially prone to ‘hype’ behaviour. in general with the accessibility of the internet and social media, everything has turned into a competition, and who can generate the most buzz ‘wins’. but ultimately that has taken away the general public’s ability to recognize that you can enjoy something quietly and you can enjoy something slowly. that the enjoyment of something doesn’t need to be all exclamation marks and keysmashes and trending hashtags on twitter. there is value in a work engaging in an emotion within you that is not just excitement. most of the artists and companies that i consume the work of i don’t do so because their work makes me excited, i do so because i liked the experience of engaging with that work. several years ago i saw the eternal tides by legend lin dance theatre, which you can watch a really short clip of here. that is not slow motion, that is actually how slow the dancers are moving. and 90% of the show is performed like that. and its two hours long. and it was one of the most incredible performances i've ever seen. if i ever get the chance I will go see another one of their shows again, not because i care about how they can top that experience i had, but because i know they can produce that experience, and that is enough to make me want to seek them out again. the speed of the internet has also loosened the general public’s understanding of just exactly how long creating a performance work can take. the lead dancer in the eternal tides was with the company for eight years before she and the piece were ready enough to be performed. large scale operas, musicals, and plays often have a year or more of pre-production before they even get to rehearsal. smaller theatre companies workshop new pieces for years at a time. performance is hard and it takes time. you can eliminate some of that with sheer amounts of money and people, which is what the kpop industry has done, but it speeds up the cycle of consumption to a degree that is not sustainable, especially for companies and creators who do not have that kind of access. performers and performance makers often don't put enough trust in their audiences. if they like what they see, they will come back. they dont need to be constantly bombarded with content at all times.

now that i’ve said a bit about why i think hype is a flawed concept, let's bring it back to kingdom. sf9 did something very interesting with their stage in that they actively chose to limit their dance time. and this plays very well off the performance film stage that taeyang did a couple of weeks ago. taeyang is talented and confident (for good reason), and his solo was incredible. but when it came to the intro stage, instead of trying to one-up the solo stage, the group instead said ‘well people are going to be looking at us because taeyang is insanely talented, so let's show them that we ALL have the confidence and the attitude to be up here.’ no need for flashy theatrics, they had the foresight to do something that would make them stand out from the rest of the groups. even if i was just casually watching the stages without doing any analysis on them (like i did for rtk), i would still be able to distinguish them because they had the stones to stand around for half their stage time. now i recognize them and would like to see what else they can do. same principle as what btob and also what ikon did. there is a fine line between anticipation and hype that gets equated in media consumption nowadays, but the two are not the same.

i think the tldr on this is that you dont need to ‘build hype’ or ‘go all out’ to make an interesting work. just focus on telling the narrative that you want to tell, and the people that recognize that will come. i could have a lot more things to say about peoples shrinking attention spans and the constant stream of information that we consume on a daily basis that devalues the labour done by artists in the eyes of the public and promotes hustle culture that is burning out and damaging creators at a rate that is both exponential and frightening, but that’s probably for another time, because this is SO LONG

[ais-n]

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify? 

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions. 

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available. 

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc. 

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide 

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself. 

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin. 

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally. 

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical. 

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

[semi-imaginary-place]

 thI’m gonna beat Platinum with only pachirisu (bibarel’s along for the ride, and HMs)

I named myself Pachi and my rival (Barry) was Risu because Gen 4 has a character limit to names and wouldn’t let me name them Pachirisu1 and Pachirisu2 or Electric Squirrel 1 and 2.

So i more or less blitz through oreburgs gym as fast as i could avoiding trainers and not catching any pokemon, and then spent the next half an hour trying to catch a pachirisu because despite a 10% chance, rng screwed me over and they refused to come out. After i caught the first one, I didn’t see another one for another half hour. Literally went from level 11 to level 17 before i saw another pachirisu. so my the rules i gave myself, once i caught the first pachirisu, I could only use that pachirisu. Now a level 11 pachirisu’s only damaging move is quick attack. this thing has base 45 attack. it was suffering. 

at level 13 pachirisu learn spark and things got better from there. Levels 13-27 were actually ok all things considered. Like it was only 30% harder than normal. I’m now at hearthome and I expect things to get much harder from here on out as other pokemon start evolving and getting better stats and moves. base 45 attack and special attack...

look at this thing’s pathetic moveset. Please remember this is gen 4 so TMs are single use. 

Geodudes are the bane of my existence, caves and hikers my arch enemies. by level 18 or something they learn magnitude and the only things i have to damage them are quick attack and swift. Battles are slow. Now pachirisu does actually have some bulk (well comparatively speaking for a ~lv15 rat) so these fights ended up with a lot of stalling and healing as I slowly chip away with with swift and bide (if they don’t magnitude me to death), I’ve ended up in a lot of battles the ended up in struggle. please note the pp of the above moves. Geodudes usually spend the first 1-3 turns rock polishing so that’s when i use charm to drop their attack into the void and then comes the guessing game of when they’ll attack (rock throw etc.) where i should bide and when they’ll do defense curl (and i should just attack).

.

well the hearthome, veilstone, and pastoria gyms didn’t cause me any problems. It takes 3 hits to take anything down but it also take 4 hits to down pachirisu. I’m also over leveled so i skipped some optional areas. all in all its not hard. yet.. probably because I’m overleved. pachirisu’s got discharge and superfang so im doing ok for now

the barry canalave fight went well until i got to the roserade.... its special attack is high enough i needed to heal every other turn. then it leech seeded me and kept sleeping me.... Canalave gym er well the steelix really caused me problems. I more or less heal stalled it to death. Pachirisu just doesn’t have enough power. That was painful just slowly chipping away at it.... healing every 3 turns, trying to keep it confused as much as possible.

By level 43, pachirisus’ stats are starting to fall behind, I can’t one shot wild pokemon 15 levels below me, and am increasingly relying on super fang to get through battles. The ice gym was pretty bad, stalled out a few time.... ended up struggling the froslass to death... bled a lot of money...

brb purging this from my memory

.

so catching 5 pachirisu was so mind numbingly boring that i got a mental block trying to catch no. 6 so i gave up. anyways went and caught my last pachirisu so now i finally have a full team. that said, I’m only really using 3.

I forgot how much i hated mt. cornet. i give up. Max Repels all the way. Team galactic was actually ok but mostly because they used a lot of murkrow and golbat. The final Cyrus fight was actually pretty good considering I’m level 48. Giratina though was a problem. So part of the initial rules was no catching pokemon so i had to knock it out. (I did catch a chansey because i wanted a lucky egg but the chansey and luck egg rates are so low i gave up and released the chansey i caught. also cynthia forced a togepi egg on me so i got that). Anyways the only move i had that wasn’t normal type was spark/discharge and giratina resists electric. so that fight took a while... i lowered giratina’s attack by 6 stages, paralyzed it and then kept it confused and slowly whittled down its health. didn’t lose too many, 1 KO from a crit.

Sunnyshore was a mixed bag, like it’d go ok and then I’d hit a wall and get stuck and bleed moomoo milks and then it’d be ok again for the next 4 pokemon. Pokemon like jolteon caused me a lot of problems since I only have normal and electric moves. I refuse to grind to for this so maybe I’m just making my life harder than it has to be but yeah not great but it could have been much worse. Overall I am definitely feeling pachirisu slowing down. The water route was fine, nice to be able to one shot things again (sometimes) but victory road is a huge road block with all the ground pokemon. it was terrible. I mainly used repels  to get through the first floor (got lost -_-) but I might go to iron island which i skipped earlier to grab iron tail. I haven’t used any tms yet because single use is terrifying and I’m scared of commitment but I’m considering toxic, double team, light screen, dig, charge beam, thunderwave. Charge beam looks good, but pachirisu is a little weak to be setting up and sweeping so i don’t know yet what I’m going to do. I don’t remember who is in the elite four either so i should look that up. The main problem with the elite four is going to be pp management. Maybe I will toxic and confusion everything to death...

.

yeah getting though victory road was a war of attrition. it was hard.

.

well that last barry fight was excruciatingly painful. I forgot it was there. Staraptor went down in 3 hits as did empoleon and heracross. Heracross kept one shoting me which was annoying and roserade resists electric so that took a while but snorlax was what really caused me trouble. I had to do that fight 4 times because of snorlax. So the problem with snorlax is rest, on a normal run you usually have something powerful enough to take down snorlax in 3 hits, but i don’t. snorlax is just so tanky that I can’t deal enough damage before it ses rest again. earthquake wasn’t so much a problem after 3 charms, but rest kept resetting any paralysis or confusion i got on snorlax. I had to exhaust all 10 pp for rest and all pp for earthquake plus switch out whenever crunch lowered my defense. it took a loooonnng time.

.

So I beat the elite four and champion with the power on money. Man that took forever. I went and looked up the sinnoh elite four instead on going in blind like i had been. Zap is my physical attacker and Glitz is my special attacker. Funny thing is that For most of the game Zap has been highest level but Glitz pulled aheah after i sp. a. ev trained on route 212 for a couple levels. sparkle is just along for the ride. So the main danger in relying so heavily on x items is that there’s just a massive set up at the beginning of each fight as i throw like 3 x defense 3 x sp defense 4 sp attack/attck and 2 speed onto my pachirisu. 

So with Aron ?? bug dude? the yanmega would u turn and i died to the heracross a couple times via crits. that damn heracross. I’d send out sparkle to put 3 charms on the heracross and confuse it then switch to Zap and start setting up. It was either the drapion or the scizor that survived a hit but my def was boosted enough to survive. Side note: WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE EARTHQUAKE. the drapion, the inpernape, the bronzong, all of bertha’s team....

To deal with Bertha I did teach grass knot to Glitz and set up on him with sparkle leading to charm the hippowdon. This (predictably) was the worse fight and i died the most here which was painful as i had to start over. uuggg. Also setting up took longer since hippowdon kept the sandstorm up. I thought its was only going to last 5 turns and hippowdon already had 3 charms on it so i didn’t was to kill it yet, well i learned. Rhyperior miraculously survived and then earthquake took half my health even with 4 x defends.

Ok so I’m convinced houndoom has an elevated crit rate or something because that thing crited me like once every 4 hits. I was originally pretty worried about magmortar and infernape but flint was ok, or well at least better than bertha. it was gallade in the next fight that gave me more trouble. Not to much but at one point i was praying to rng to not get crited on. But i made it through eventually.

At this point exhaustion is kicking is and I honestly don’t really remember what happened. I led with Glitz for this fight and the last 2 fights since their leading pokemon were all special attackers. Spiritomb was annoying because it kept lowering my sp defense. Set up too so long that by the time i was done, the only move it had pp left in was silverwind, so like 43 turns? I got through most of her team alright, except for the garchomp that survived and proceeded to earthquake me. My second attack left garchomp  with a sliver of health and after it attacked me, glitz was in the red too. After like 2 more turns of jockying with it i took it town with swift.

I can’t remember what fights these were but I got burned a few times and poisoned once and that was annoying. I think it was cynthia’s roserade which was her last pokemon, it's sludgebomb poisoned me i think but its was in the yellow health so i didn’t bother healing and took it down.

And that’s how i beat Pokemon Platinum TM with only pachirisu. In the end i really only used 3 pachirisu and you probably could do this with 1 pachirisu, i wouldn’t quite call this a callenge run since its not too hard. Its at the difficulty where anyone could do this. I mean the easiest way to beat the game with 1 pachirisu is to grind it to level 100 and stuff it with x items, but i hate grinding and since i skipped a lot of battles i was quite poor too. 

My final pokemon count was monferno (starter who i couldn’t bear to release but was poxed after valley windworks), togepi (thatcynthia shoved into the arms and I never used), chansey (i caught and released in a plan to get lucky eggs that i gave up on), tropius (for hms), bibarel (for hms), and 6 pachirisu,my pc boxes were very empty. i never had other pokemon and only pachirisu were ever in battles.

I don’t know why i did this. 

Pachirisu is cute.

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[dcmiiniic]

hi, it me, mini from the block --- bringing you another muse, and he is my lil bb. also @maddisvn’s brother bc i love lia. so uh, read the intro (srry if its a bit long), like this and I WILL mssge you for plots and threads. the messier the better, bc im a messy biiih. ily.

❛ new york’s very own Dominic Parker was spotted on broadway street in  Off-White White 3.0 Off-Court Sneakers. your resemblance to Reece King is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty third birthday bash. while living in new york, you’ve been labeled as being impatient, but also idealistic. i guess being a sagittarius explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be reading a book by the beach, torn up runners, and neon highlighters & ( cismale & he/him )

Basic Information

Full Name: Dominic Omar Parker

Nickname(s): d, dom

Age: 23

Date of Birth: December 20th 1995

Zodiac sign: sagittarius

Hogwarts house: ravenclaw

Ethnicity: african-american/white

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic

Language(s) Spoken: english 

Accent: american

Favourites

Weather: summer

Colour: green

Music: logic, big sean, etc.

Movies: the lion king

Sport: track + field, basketball

Beverage: hennessy or red label

Food: doubles! and plantains with cheese.

Animal: sea lions + turtles

Family

Father: henderson parker

Mother: cassandra parker

Sibling(s): maddison parker + older bro (WC)

Children:  aaliyah strawberry parker, 1 yr. (stormi webster fc)

Pet(s): a turtle named franklin

BIOGRAPHY

dominic grew up in san francisco, california. his favorite thing growing up was hanging out at pier 39 and just watching the sea lions chill all day on top of the boards. regardless of the smell. he loved the fact that it didn’t rain or snow, the weather was just ideal. it allowed him to thrive when things were constant with minor changes.

dominic feels most at home by the ocean. he finds it peaceful since it’s calm and quiet besides the sounds of the water crashing together.

@ 15, dominic and the rest of the parkers moved over to NYC cos their dad got a job there and tb he hated it. 

he had to be the new kid, at a new school, in a new city but, dominic is the type of person to blend in so making a whole new life barely came with challenges. he was able to work a room, and he was smart to figure things out easily. 

he made a lot of friends, went to the randomest of parties, all while maintaining a high average in school and keeping A1 appearances.

FAMILY

since the parkers were well off, dominic didn’t have to work for anything when it came to getting things he wanted - but what he did have to work for was getting his father’s approval on almost every part of his life.

being one of the only two boys, there was a lot riding on them to do things. going to school, getting the best grades, making sure you’re always presentable - and bc dominic just wanted to please his dad, he did everything he could. he studied a lot, he did a lot of volunteer work and thankfully for him he liked to study, so studying a lot wasn’t a problem.

dominic rlly struggled being the middle child, but don’t get him wrong, he loves his siblings. believe it or not, he still loves his dad, and he’s a big time momma’s boy. 

even while his dad talks a lot of smack about him, dominic still attends family events, dinners and the works, to please his dad and so it wouldn’t be stressful on his mom. 

CAREER 

dominic is a nerd, a smartass. his grades were always high, especially when it came to liberal arts.

it wasn’t really his choice if he went into university, it was expected. dominic didn’t think much of it besides that he had to do it. 

he went to columbia university for law, and he got his degree in that, and he was doing his graduate legal studies until he got scouted by the New York Knicks.

he grew up with a lot of stress riding on his back, and being the middle child really sucked when you had to have as much of responsibility as the oldest, still be looked at as the younger sibling but at the same time having to take care of the youngest. 

what he did on his past time was run. whether it was around the block, or around the track, dominic found it peaceful just to be by himself where his heart rate went up to the point he couldn’t breathe and he’d fall onto the ground. years of doing so earned him a spot on the track + field team, and because he was good at it, his dad put him in on basketball teams since he was fast enough to make home runs - multiple times.

Basketball was never his first choice at anything, if he could, dominic would do track and field but as far as his dad was concerned, basketball was the better path between the two. so that’s what he did to please his dad. 

dropping out of columbia though, that was dominic’s choice. he figured, he already got his degree, his masters could be put on hold while he played basketball. 

it seemed like a good idea to him, but since then he has a pretty rocky relationship with his dad.

he was never meant to be the black sheep of the family. he was supposed to have this picture perfect image, probably be the next Barack Obama - but that didn’t work out. 

Being an athlete wasn’t the same as being an academic. it took a lot of work physically, and at the end of the games he was left with such a rush. it was a completely different kind of satisfaction.

PERSONAL LIFE

for once dominic didn’t have to worry about hitting the books or the next test. his main focus was basketball and keeping an image that was easier to maintain. this came with a lot of partying and a lot of - accidents.

one night, when he was too drunk to function, he woke up the next day in a random girl’s bed. not that that was anything special but it definitely was when he got a call saying she was pregnant. so 9 months later, aaliyah strawberry parker came into this world. she is currently 1 year and a few months, and that little babe added a light into dominic’s life. 

he was never prepared to be a dad DILF, but he’s a damn good one! he keeps his life separate when he’s with his daughter.

he’s not with his baby momma, but they have a solid relationship, sometimes rocky, sometimes not but y’know. it happens. 

so far, dominic hasn’t introduce aaliyah to any of his family members except maddison. it’s not a secret, it’s just something he doesn’t want to do considering the rocky relationship he has with his dad. 

currently, besides being a baskeball player and a dad, dominic is just figuring things out as he goes. he loves to read, and paint, and sometimes when he’s bored he’ll take a class on something just to feel mentally stimulated. 

he’s always curious, and loves to travel to wherever he can. 

he’s a mfng fuckboy. just bcos he had a kid, doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop him from messing around. he’s just extra careful with it. 

even tho he’s not talking with his dad, and he’s doing his own thing, he rlly still hopes in a way he’s making his dad proud. 

he gets emo sometimes bc he didn’t turn out the way his parents wanted him to, and cos he doesn’t have the best relationship with them - but that’s why, at the very least he has close friends and siblings. 

he lives by himself in a fairly decent apartment with his turtle that he named franklin, bc he can’t own a sea lion. 

PERSONALITY

dominic is always fun. he was the one in the group of friends that made the jokes, and made everyone feel comfortable. he was always out there hugging his friends and chilling, laying around.

this was the guy that brought a textbook to a party bc he wanted to get lit but also had a test the next day to study for.

he’s been given so many expectations his whole life, he really doesn’t like it now. he just wants to be free and do his own thing.

he cares a lot about people, sometimes he’s too nice and doesn’t see the way it’ll back fire on him.

he’s smart in a lot of other ways. take him to a museum and it’s like returning an alien to the mothership. 

he believes in positive thinking, his mind is always open, and is never one to judge - or he tries not to judge bc he grew up judging other people that he doesn’t want to do that anymore.

he loves to be outdoors and walking around barefoot on the grass. 

a lot of things come easy to him. he’s sociable and charming, and loves adventure.

WANTED CONNECTIONS 

some connections based off of muse posts :)

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

besides that, i’m down for anything !

unrequited connections

toxic relationship/friendship

brotps

give me a SQUAD

first loves

childhood friendships

sibling type friendships

exes on good and bad terms

all the fwb~ 

creative type friends

enemies plots pls

crossword puzzle friends pls

[williamcheart]

- ̗̀ * ( bill skarsgard + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( william ‘colt’ heart ii ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-four ) year old, studying ( business + literature ). we hear they are in ( omicron tau xi ), and can be ( composed & detached ), maybe it’s because they are an ( aquarius ). they sort of remind us of ( chicken scratch handwriting, trembling hands, a coach’s whistle ), maybe we can find out more ! * ̖́- + literary magazine

u were all wondering whomstve the bill skarsgard fc reserve was . . . . it was I and i have no mcfuckin’ regrets. we love. and stan. william colton heart the second

tw. cancer, death, substance abuse, car accident, mental illness.

gen info!

full name: william colton heart ii

nickname(s): will to his family, colton/just colt to p much everybody else. his full name is reserved for family and when he’s in troubule tbh

b.o.d. - feb. 19th he an aquarius bby

label(s): the fallen, the phoenix, the crestfallen, etc. etc.

height: tall but taller than benjy tall like we’re talking a whopping 6′4″ jfc

hometown: beaufort, south carolina !!

sexuality: b...i...?

bio info!

born n raised in beaufort, south carolina--william is the eldest heart sibling

was a really quiet kid, tbh, like he minded his business and stuck close to the people he knew

always, always wanted to impress his parents, so he always studied hard for school and kind of put all his focus into it ??

it was a pressure for him, really, bc he’d always been told that he’s gonna inherit the family business like how his dad did, etc. etc.

and like...sweetie never wants to disappoint anyone, ever.

he was never considered a nerd tho?? like he’s always been freakishly tall, and his quietness sort of made him intimidating to be around b/c it always felt like he was judging u bc he’d always have to look down at u

has always been super protective over his younger siblings, feels as if it’s his duty to be the put-together brother

he’s never had to fight anybody tho, and like, thank god for that b/c he’s definitely not a fighter, considers himself to be a pacifist for the most part

bc like...he can just stare u down and ur like uuuh gtg bye !!1!111!!!

anyways, grew up riding horses, finds it v v peaceful but he stopped when they moved to california

but track has always been his kinda thing regardless of where he’s at, tried out for track his freshmen yr of high school n was the star of the team tbh

he met a gal going by the name dinah during a track meet the middle of his freshmen yr

she was taking photos for the yearbook and stuttered over her words more often than not, even when she teased william

and like...tbh? william adored her immediately

it really wasn’t soon at all until they started dating, like, they were the high school couple

they complimented each other v v well and were prolly always together lbr

i’m hc’ing that his family also adored dinah like it’s law

dinah is the one who like...really encouraged him to pursue writing as something more serious than just for fun, because will had always enjoyed writing--esp poetry--but he didn’t want it to get in the way of his future w the stables ??

and like...fuck, they were so cute, guys. they were so mf cute.

dinah got diagnosed w/ lung cancer in the beginning of their junior year; she began online school halfway thru b/c she didn’t have the energy physically to go to class, went thru a looot of chemo

william was with her the entire time, y’know, if he wasn’t in school or at track he’d probably be with her the most, trying to cheer her up in the ways he could, helped her study for their SATs bc he knew it was rly important to her

by the summer she was in remission and they thought that was it--still super fucking careful, but they really genuinely thought that that was the end of it y’know ?? that she’d just be better ??

they got into a few months of senior year with her being healthy enough to go to school again, but the further time passed...dinah relapsed, rapidly, and the cancer had spread to other parts of her body

they spent their last valentine’s day in the hospital, and the next day she was gone

it...crushed william, just kind of changed his life, y’know? dinah was all he knew and he really didn’t know how to live w/o her

spent a lot of his time locked away in his room or never even home to begin with, just wandering about hopelessly or sleeping, or trying to sleep that is

poured his heart into his poetry, though--in dinah’s honor, he tried so mf hard to keep doing what he loved even though he was so hurt

it was because of his constant hard work, and dinah’s past encouragements, that william entered and won a poetry contest during his senior year. got a hella scholarship that made everybody proud of him, just b/c he was ~defying odds~

kinda put on this mask so that others wouldn’t see how bad he was doing ?? b/c he’s the level-headed brother, y’kno, the one who always had his shit together and knew what he was doing

dinah and william won cutest couple and even prom king n queen as a sort of tribute to dinah but will didn’t even go to prom tbh he got drunk and threw cans of beer off of a cliff

anyways, he graduated high school n attended ucla bc that was his dad’s school and gdi he’s tryn his best to follow in his footsteps

even got into his dad’s frat b/c he was that determined

he didn’t rly partake much in parties but he did indulge every once in a while, y’know, just to do it, was finally getting his shit back together and doing well for once y’know?? he joined track n took it p seriously

when angela heart died, all of that fell apart again

he took an entire year off of school b/c at that point his mental health had taken a really bad turn, depression was sort of controlling his life and he was spiraling so mf far down that he sometimes couldn’t recognize himself

during that time he published his first and second poetry book under w.c. heart; it’s super morbid, depressing, you can pretty much feel his depression as it manifests in the pages. it begins with poetry from his earlier years, of when he was with dinah and then afterwards, when she dies

the second poetry book is about healing, and then how sometimes you can fall back even when you’re doing good (i.e. around the time lil baby angel died)

when he finally did go back to school he had a much better mindset, seemed to be doing well--was one of the best on the track team--partied a little harder, did drugs more often than usual but nothing too extreme y’know ??

his junior year he got into a p bad car accident n derailed into a body of water after crashing his side of the car into another and losing control of his vehicle

like honestly thank god for the stranger who immediately stopped their car and went totally-hero on the situation, they got william out of the car before he could drown and essentially saved his life, before calling 911 and just. disappearing as soon as the sirens were audible

somehow his left leg got mc’fucked in the incident and it just so happened to ruin his track career

also gave william a fear of swimming/deep water + driving. like. he never wants to be in control of a car again. it really added onto his anxiety and was probably the root of his panic disorder tbh

he took another year off of school to recover from his injuries and to just fucking...put himself in some therapy, because he knows. when it’s time to take care of himself. is really still determined to b the best, he’s just trying to take his time now.

got addicted to painkillers b/c of the injury, sought them out after his prescription ran out; it varies between oxy, vicodin, n percocets and like...they mix really badly w/ his antidepressants tbh ??

that’s v v hush-hush bc he doesn’t want people to worry about him moreso than they already do after like...all these tragic mf events y’know.

he had moved out of his greek house to live on his own but after his second time coming back to ucla he moved back in b/c that way somebody could kick his ass if he fell down the rabbit hole again y’know

his antidepressant, lexapro, causes hallucinations and now he’s been seeing dinah everywhere, hearing her voice, etc. etc. he thinks he’s finally going insane and also keeps it v hush hush b/c he doesn’t want people to think he is

he looks worse for wear but he just. keeps on pretendin’.

personality!

he’s just ... really calm tbh?

he’s always been the (or one of the) least fussy child, hated starting conflicts

if anything he’s always been a mediator ?? the peacemaker, tries to resolve things before they get outta hand

he hates fighting, physical n verbal, refuses to partake in it

even when dinah n him would get into arguments he’d be really quiet during them

that being said he wasn’t like antisocial or anything just bc he was quiet y’know ??

he was the quiet cool dude who was always popular for some fucking reason (its the height im telling u) and offered rly good advice

he’s a big fucking softie lemme tell u . . . he cries at most movies tbh

v intelligent, still carries small dumbass energy b/c he doesn’t make the best choices as u can tell

v v good at his craft, has been working on his third poetry book but has a lil bit of writer’s block atm and it’s ? torturing him tbh ?

he’s got a sense of humor but it’s like . . . kind of morbid tbh like he deals w shit via locking up his emotions and using humor as a coping mechanism

he’s a sentimental piece of shit tho we love him. he has a bottle of dinah’s favorite perfume and sprays his bed w it before he goes to sleep

that being said he really...isn’t over her, still, y’know ??

he’s 100% sure that she was his soulmate and he doesn’t think she could ever be replaced

(silly boy u cant replace people ! u just. meet people who fit u in other ways.)

hates being babied b/c he’s the oldest goddammit, that’s his job

he has a lil bit of a limp but like . . . that’s just bc his leg hurty

did i mention he’s protective bc he 100% is like listen.

he can bully his siblings. u cannot. that’s the rule sorry

even when his siblings r bullying each other he like body-flops on top of them and is p much like fucking Stop

he’s in his last yr of college but he’s doing grad school right after b/c he rly. doesn’t wanna b a partner w his dad. he doesn’t wanna own the stables or breed horses. he’s troy bolton and writing is his singing, horsebreeding is his basketball.

okay he really wants to know who tf pulled him outta the water b/c he never got to say thank u and he’s just like ?? LET ME SAY THANK U GODDAMMIT

he’s lowkey in the party scene but he’s also a bit of a wallflower when it comes to them, he prefers to drink his alcohol n watch ppl b idiots or sit on a roof high off his ass with a pal

he’ll fuck u but he wont date u but like so will most of the guys so he’s not unique he’s just a hashtag tortured artist

like it’s so hard for him to connect w others in a potentially romantic way ?? bc he just doesn’t feel anything and u cant really blame him for it tbh

has panic attacks n insomnia but u aint hear it from me

ironically........has taken up smoking cigarettes, as well.......even tho his gf died from lung cancer.......will why?

oh right bc i commanded thee

wanted connections !!

WHO PULLED HIM OUTTA THAT MF CAR CRASH ?? - i wanna know mf !!

his siblings uwu - GIVE US THE LAST HEART. PLEASE.

roommate - !! they can b chill or hate each other tbh who knows

frat bros - please.

uuuh general friends i guess ??

will they wont they - they’re rly close but will is really dumb and straight refuses to acknowledge the fact that they’d b like . . . perfect together

general unrequited things - william is emotionally unavailable, lmao, let’s see how that works w others

current hookups - he’s a bit of a slut, let’s b real. we ain’t shaming him b/c we don’t do that in 2k19 but we also speaking truths

good influences - please...help him get better

confidantes - somebody he just can fuckin complain to w/o feeling shitty or guilty for it

bad influences - make him. worse. he’s doing bad but he’s not at his worst yet.

anything. else. u want. i will do. i can do. i am god. i have ultimate power. william is my pAWN.

[duetlyreads]

Rant

Its late and I’m tired and stressed from upcoming finals and irritated at myself for other reasons and I just want to get this out even if I’m not a very active (in terms of talking to other bloggers) member of my fandoms because this has been bothering me since like December and I've had enough. 

Seeing all of these wonderfully talented authors and fellow fans delete their blogs or contemplating deleting their blogs makes me very sad, but at the same time, I know that in most they are doing what they believe is best for themselves. I know that there are different reasons why different authors have chosen to delete, but I have noticed a disturbing trend of anon hate and increasing writing demands being a culprit of these losses. And I have some Things to say about that. Especially when it causes writers to feel like something they used to love doing is now a burden (this just breaks my heart)

It makes me both furious and sad to see that there are people who think it is ok to send hateful messages to someone, for whatever reason. To those anons, I am sorry that you have nothing better to do with your time than to try to bring a fellow human being down. I honestly don’t know what goes through your head when you hit that send button with that message filled with negative thoughts, but I am sorry that you lack the ability to express your feelings in a functional and healthy way, or even to be kind at all. Empathy is a tried and true method, and if you could put yourself out of your own selfish bubble long enough to see how you would feel if someone sent such a message to you, well, I hope that you would make a different choice. Whether you truly and wholeheartedly mean what you saw or not, whether or not you think you are in the right, hate is never the answer.

The sheer selfishness that some people exhibit when it comes to communicating with their so-called “favorite authors” is disgusting. If they really are your favorite author then you should have the decency to show some respect and understanding about how difficult it is to have a life and a current writing blog. Authors are not machines. They have setbacks, they have limits, and they have free choice of writing whatever the fuck they want. It’s their blog, and their choice, not yours. They do not exist to serve your every whim. If an author hasn’t updated a series in a while, what you SHOULD do is politely ask them ONCE (1 TIME) if they have a plan on when hey might be working on it again, and whatever answer they give you, accept it as canon. What you SHOULDN’T do is throw a tantrum like a toddler because your aren’t getting what you want or insult the author because they, a fellow human being with other things to do with their time, are not writing fast enough to your standards. How about you try writing a 20 part multific that's around 2K words each and update it regularly while being a full-time student/parent/worker, all the while either going through severe writer’s block or inspiration for writing a different piece altogether. Authors and bloggers alike are not perfect, nor do they claim to be. Cut them some slack and back. Off.

To the authors that have deleted their blogs for these other personal reasons, I first want to say that even though I may not know the details surround your circumstances, I understand the need to put yourself before others in order to be at peace. So in that, I say: “Four for you, Glen Coco.” Huge and amazing props to you for putting your mental/emotional/physical wellbeing over the wants and desires of others. I know that for many of you, it was most likely a very tough decision and a very painful time, but if it ultimately led you to feel peace or more at one with yourself, I applaud you for that. Even if you just transferred to another blog, that is still a great thing considering what may have been going on at the time. Things weren’t going so well, but you decided to start afresh! Go you! Secondly, I want to thank you. Not just for sharing your amazing talent with us, but for sharing YOU with us. You, who brought smiles to so many faces. You, who may have made us squeal inhumanly loud at the fluff, or cry uncontrollably at the angst, or have to take multiple cold showers after reading the smut. Thank you. You didn’t have to, but you did, and that made all the difference. Thank. You. And even if you are no longer writing on here or other places on the internet, I hope that you continue to develop your wonderful talent and share it with kindred spirits. Bless.

If you are contemplating deleting your blog for any of the above reasons or other personal ones, please know that whatever you chose, if it makes you happy in the end, I support your decision. Life is full of constant struggles and we never know if the choices we make are the right ones until after we make them, sometimes long after the fact. I can be a pessimist at times, but I like to think of life as a roller coaster. When you’re feeling down and miserable, I believe that at some point, things will start to look up. Your choices can either speed up or slow down that inevitable incline, but sooner or later, it will happen. Whatever you choose, try to make sure that it will make YOU happy in the long run. I believe in you. And if you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open, along with my bag of doggo pics to try and brighten your day.

Tagging some bloggers and writers I know may find this relevant bc you guys deserve to know that you are loved and appreciated. Feel free to tag anyone else. 

@mattmoredick @bucky-plums-barnes (special message for you in tags) @sexylibrarian1 @timeforsmut  

(Note: It is 1 am and i honestly cannot rack my brain enough to come up with the other multitude of bloggers i know have been through this so im going to also tag authors who have been around for a while and have seen some things. Sorry if this is awkward! @persephone-is-here-omg @after-avenging-hours @angryschnauzer @buckyywiththegoodhair @lenavonschweetz @captainrogerss)

Tagging for Reasons:

@drearncatcher37 @runmild

[travisandersondatingblog]

What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You

You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?

In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?

What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?

Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.

“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”

“I never said that!”

“You’re being paranoid.”

Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.

Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.

Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!

The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.”  In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!

Types of Gaslighting

There are several ways a man can gaslight you.

There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.

Withholding

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”

He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!

Countering

“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”

In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.

Blocking/Diverting

“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”

If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.

Trivializing

“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”

This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting…but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.

Forgetting/Denial

“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”

He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.

11 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

via GIPHY

Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.

1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things

Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.

Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.

2. He Says You’re Overreacting

Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.

Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.

Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is not your problem.

3. Your Confidence is Dwindling

You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”

You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?

4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand

In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.

Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.

5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”

The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.

He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.

Say whaaaaat??

This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.

6. He Seems Like Two Different People

Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible…that’s when you think you might need to leave him.

A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.

Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.

7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him

I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?

He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.

8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT

Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.

Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.

9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave

He’s making you feel unworthy.

Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.

Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.

Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.

10. He Turns Things Around on You

Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.

Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.

The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.

11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him

This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!

You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.

What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You

Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.

Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.

Realize That You’re Not Crazy

If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.

If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.

So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.

Write Down Conversations

The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!

Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.

Don’t Engage in an Argument

This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.

Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You

By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.

Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him

I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!

Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.

Conclusion:

What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.

Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?

Jumpstart your next move in finding true love. Sign up for my exclusive training that will help you attract the right man who will commit to you without making you feel terrible.

The post What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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[sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog]

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

"How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Cheap car insurance for young people?

i just turned 15. ive gotten a few quotes and all of them are around 300 dollars a month. who should i get my insurance with and what type of car will make it the cheapest.? Please help.

How much will my car insurance cost?

I am seventeen years old, I live in New Jersey and my car is a two door 1997 Honda Civic EX. I am turning eighteen in two months. Which car insurance providers will be the most likely to give me good deals, and roughly how much would I be paying?""

How do I get rid of my car insurance?

I've got insurance on my car, but I am looking to cancel it. And I would like to cancel it without really having to explain myself to the company, seeing as they will want some sort of proof that I've for instance changed to a different company. I will be moving out the country come autumn, and I can't bring the bills with me for when I move away. It will cost too much, and no one will be driving the car anyway. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can cancel it?""

What is the likely cost for the car insurance for this individual?

Kept getting different numbers... 19 years male. own an Acura cl 3.0 1999 single drive to school about 4 miles(one way) three days a week clean record.

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?

What is the average collision deductible on insurance for a 2005 leased vehicle?

i'm trying to determine whether i need a big deductible or not, this determines whether i stick with geico or move to the cheaper esurance""

""Is it a fact, that if you buy a red car, you will be paying more on your car insurance?""

My sister told me that when she had a red car, she had to pay more for insurance because of the color. Is this true? if so, that's just retartded.""

""17 year old learner, got my own car - Do I just need learner insurance for now?

I'm a learner driver with my test next month and I now have my own car. I want to practice in my own car up until my test and I'm not sure whether I just need learner insurance or if the car itself needs to be insured as well? Learner insurance is around 80 for the month and for 'proper' insurance then it's around 2000. Any help?

""I really want this new car, but should I do it financially?""

I will be paying 350 for a car, 170 for a motorcycle, and then 200 for a month for the combined insurance. Is this too much for vehicle costs? I'm 22 and trying to make it on my own and still in college almost ready to graduate. Is this unreasonable? This is twice as much as my rent almost.""

What car insurance company is affordable for a student with a part time job with a fair amount of pay?

What car insurance company is affordable for a student with a part time job with a fair amount of pay?

I'm looking for THE CHEAPEST auto insurance I can find. Any advice?

My mom just kinda dumped my insurance bill on my lap. I ahve a 98 CRV and I'm looking for cheap cheap insurance. I really only drive about 10 minutes to and from work a day. I'm thinking the cheapest ones probably won't even advertise on television, so Im looking for word of mouth. Thanks guys!""

What auto insurance companies are currently appointing in Florida?

I have been a licensed 2-20 Insurance Agent for a year now. Im currently looking for auto insurance companies that are appointing in Florida. Any names and phone numbers of these companies would be a big help. Here are lists of companies that Im currently writing business with: Bristol West Progressive Gainsco Seminoles I need some more companies so that I am not only limited to these four. By the way I am in the SW Florida area. Thanks SO much for your help guys

How does insurance for a scooter in florida work?

I was wanting to get a scooter a little like the one on this site: http://gainesville.craigslist.org/mcy/1167379006.html So anyone have any info that might help me like will i need insurance, would i need a special tag or license that costs more, are there any laws towards scooters in florida, would i need to get something from the owner like any type of paper work? Any tips would help a bunch!! thanks!!""

Will insurance pay if someone crashes into a salvaged car?

I was wondering what happens if someone crashes into a car with a salvage title. Will the other person's insurance pay the normal amount for it, or do they only offer a reduced amount because it is salvaged? This is obviously assuming the other driver is at fault.""

""I bought a car in NY, I have VA insurance and i wanna kno How can i register the car?

Need registration for car with VA insurance

Will getting quote for Insurance affect my credit?

I am trying to switch to an insurance company with cheaper rate, so I have to get quotes from several. I am wondering if it will hurt my credit if everyone check my credit using my SSN? soft inquiries just like when I pull out my credit report?""

Best Child insurance plan?

Which insurance plan should will be best for child , including study and marraige?""

Oregon car insurance?

Can I give my daughter my car registered in my name and she get car insurance for it?

How can I get cheaper car Insurance?

I need to insure my new car. How do I do that at a cheaper rate?

How does life insurance work?

Hubby is getting a new job that may be a little bit dangerous and he'd be gone for weeks. I am not money hungry or wanting my best friend to die. I just want to have this insurance on him so if he were to accidently leave me with child and something happened to him, I want atleast funeral costs and my child to be taken care of too. I know I'm probably fretting too much but I can't convince him to not take the job. He's worth more than any amount of money. We're both in our twenties. I don't know how life insurance works.""

Health Care Insurance (CA)?

So 2014 coming around I know we need health insurance or else we have to pay a fee. My question is not sure what insurance to pick (specifically anything dental,vision, regular doctor ...show more""

CA New Driver Insurance Question?

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had my license for a few months now and I wanna buy a car now(1996 Honda civic ex) and I've gotten quotes and there about $250+ per month and I was wondering if i put my dad as a Co-owner will the insurance way cheaper? P.s. I just want the cheapest insurance no coverage ect.""

""I wrecked my new car , insurance is liability?

i wrecked my car . my car was new 2009 car and my insurance was liabilty. police decided that was my fault. And also i am still paying monthly payment on that car. Does anybody know what should i do next . i been using that car to work now i am unemployee . should i just bankrufcy

How does replacement cost insurance work?

I have a 25 yr old harley davidson, and the insurance says full coverage will pay what the county values it at on your tag fee. (like, 800$) I also have a 67 chevy van that is valued at 300$ by the county. Obviously, full coverage is not intended to cover antique vehicles, as the annual premiums are far more than they want to give you should something happen. So what kind of insurance do you need to make you whole again? or, pay the true worth of your vehicles should you be hit by someone or your vehicle stolen?""

""The most basic and cheapest insurance available, forget what it's called?""

There's a type of insurance for mostly minors or people who deal with used cars that are cheap etc, rarely driven, traded often, and it's called ______ I forget, and it only entitles you to be insured against law suits if the other person is injured. Real crappy insurance right? I'm starting to trade cars but some will need to be driven to shops and stuff like that. In my state MICHIGAN, you need to have insurance BEFORE you register, which sucks for me. For example, I am about to buy a piece of crap 500 dollar Chevy Cavalier and I need to most basic insurance, I just forget the term for this. I don't want to get a huge big policy for a car that will be driven probably less then 50 miles in it's time that I have it.""

Why does the political left compare obamacare to car insurance?

car insurance is to cover the other guy, people often have liability only which give no personal coverage whatsoever!!! ca""

Whats a low insurance rate for 18 year old for a 1991 honda civic?

I shopped around for low insurance and the lowest i got was about $300 per month for 1991 4 door honda civic. is there any other lower insurance for this car ? its kind of old but i heard that hondas are heavy on insurance. if it is, what car is low on insurance for a first timer car and insurance. im 18 years old, i got my g2 in april, i took driving school, and i never had auto insurance. can someone help me out""

How does liability insurance work?

I'm about to buy insurance & I know it's mandatory in te state of Louisiana to at least have liability. But how does it work? & if I let someone borrow my car are they covered?

Can I afford motorcycle insurance?

So here is my situation: I currently own a 2003 Toyota Matrix that I make payments on. In between the payments and the insurance and gas, it costs about $350 a month to have that car. For the last couple years I've been really interested in getting a motorcycle, specifically a newer Kawasaki. According to my research, I could find a Kawasaki Ninja 250cc for somewhere around $3000. My question is basically how much insurance do I need? Right now I have comprehensive coverage for my car so that if I'm in a wreck and it's totaled I can replace it. If I had a bike AND my car though, I don't want replacement coverage for a secondary vehicle (even one as cool as a motorcycle). I got quotes from Geico and State Farm that put my minimum amount of insurance a month in the neighborhood of around $30. Does this sound accurate to anyone? Also, can anyone just give me some sound advice about owning both vehicles and whether it's worth it?""

How much car insurance does a 18years old guy has to pay per month in UK??

I am 18years old i wanna buy a car..lets suppose if i buy a cars that worths about 5000pound how much insurance will i have to pay per month?

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?

I need a cheap car insurance?

car insurance

Car insurance expired what to do?

I bought an old car . its insurance expired on 9.7.12. how can i get it insured again?

Acting career where do i start?? where is safe and affordable places to live in LA?

Hi everyone first let me just say thank you for your time in advance. I want to move to LA and start my acting career but i have never been in LA so i dont exactly know where would be safe to live and also affordable. Also i wanted to ask about acting a lil bit. I have no experience but i Know thats what i want to do since i can remember but i lived in Germany my whole life and the opportunity isn't really big there and now that im moving to the us I thought why now go after my dreams. After all you'll never know unless you try right... I am 27 years old female I am originally from Ethiopia but i grew up in Germany. I speak 4 languages but thats all i have to offer because i dont have any previous acting experience nor i have never went to acting school. So where do I start??? Any suggestions???? Every advice helps thank you so much for your time again.!!!!!

How much would insurance be on property based business?

i have a few acres and was wondering what the insurance would be if i decided to open up a atv/rv park on my land~i would have a waver that made sure all that rode would be rideing at their own risk etc.plus any other limations you could think i might come acrross~

POLL: How much do you pay for car insurance?

i asked about how much car insurance costs but didn't get any great answers, so i'm just going to do a little survey""

Do insurance companies use mortality rates to set premiums and other costs for certain age groups? Why?

Do insurance companies use mortality rates to set premiums and other costs for certain age groups? Why?

How much insurance cost for 350z?

how much does it cost for insurance on a 350z for a 19yr old guy clean driving record in Texas?

""Ran a stop sign, will I have to take traffic school to keep insurance rate down?""

I am a 21 year old who got a ticket for running a stop sign in Los Angeles. When I go to pay I see the option of traffic school, but it is more expensive than just paying the ticket off. If I want to keep my insurance rates at their current price, do I need to take traffic school? I am willing to do it, I just want to make sure the extra money won't be for nothing.""

Breach Car Loan Insurance?

The bank that finances my car requires me to hold 1000 deductible. I currently dont have insurance because the lowest rate i can get is 650 . Thats half of what I make a month . What should I do . Has anyone ever been in this situation ?

Why is Esurance so cheap? Are they a good company?

I'm in NY, and apparently insurance is way more expensive here for whatever reason. Well everyone in my family has gone to Esurance to get a quote, and it's WAY cheaper there. I mean we're talking $100-200 less a month. Progressive wants $300 a month for me and my mom on the same plan... which is about the same as other quotes I've got. Esurance wants $140. I can't help but wonder if it's a big scam or something.""

Can you get business insurance online?

I'm taking over my dads tree care business and need to get business insurance but would rather do it online than have to go in somewhere. Can I do this?

""Based on my age, how much do think insurance will cost for a range rover sport?

i'm turning 17 in a few months and thinking of getting one for my birthday? a rough estimation would be nice

Cheap car insurance companies for young drivers? With a years no claim?

I'm 18 and my insurance went from 1300 to 1100 after a years no claim which would have just been affordable. However as I don't work for the police anymore and went back to college to get a levels, (being a student) it went up to 1700. What are really cheap insurance companies for young drivers? I have a years no claim discount...""

Can you cancel your life insurance policy anytime you want?

Can you cancel your life insurance policy anytime you want?

WOULD BEING A VEHICLE BODY REPAIRER AFFECT MY CAR INSURANCE IN ANY WAY?

I NEED TO KNOW IF IT WILL GO UP OR DOWN ON AVERAGE

I want to buy a car insurance by different address?

i want to buy a car insurance by different address which where i lived now. is that getting a problem ?

Does anybody know of a cheap insurance company for eighteen year olds?

I just turned eighteen and I'm looking for car insurance since what I'm paying right now is really high ( 290 for minimum) Everywhere else I look wants like 1000 dollars a month for minimum coverage thats crazy how can anyone afford that? Are there any good companies in specific for someone in my position?

Why is my car insurance so high?

I bought a 2007 nissan sentra in 2011 and unfortunately didn't look into the insurance factor when I made my decision. I do have a lien on the car, but I'm in my 30's, no tickets, no accidents, okay credit, and I'm still paying over $200 a month in insurance! I pay more for the insurance then I do the car payment! Is the insurance high because it is a foreign car or what?""

Is $600/year normal price for insurance if the car is 10 years old?

My BMW Z3 is 1999 and I'm paying $600 a year for insurance in MD. Does anybody know why is it so high for such an old car? The car is now worth approximately $5000. Our other car is 2006 SUV and the insurance is cheaper. Why is that?

I need free insurance quotes that wont pull my credit report?

Im doing a project for school and I need to be able to enter in different attributes of an individual to determine how it would effect the insurance premium (I need dollar amounts). I need this for both home and auto insurance. Every site that I found requires your SSN and an accurate name so they can pull your credit report. Isnt there a site that does a general estimate of premiums?

Lexus IS300 insurance rate?

Im thinking of getting an IS300 but im only 16 years old. How much do u think the insurance rate is goin to be?

How much for car insurance i need the cheapest price?

i need the insurance the requier for the law

Where can i find cheap no faught insurance in Detroit Michigan?

Where can i find cheap no faught insurance in Detroit Michigan?

Question about car insurance?

I'm 17, have a twin brother and we currently both have provisional licences. When we pass our test we will be sharing a car. I will (probably) pass first by a couple of weeks. How do I get insurance which is cheap for us both but means that I can drive straight away? Do I buy insurance for just me and then add him on it after he passes his test or buy it with me and him provisional and then 'upgrade' him later? Not sure what to do. Also we're considering buying provisional insurance for a month or so, could we buy provisional and then upgrade me if/when i pass then upgrade him when he passes. Hope this makes sense thanks in advance""

Classic car insurance?

i want cheap insurance so will buying a classic help that?

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?

Car insurance for someone under 25 arizona?

How much would car insurance be or the cheapest I live in arizona and drive a 1994 Saturn sl2

Should a person without children get life insurance?

Is life insurance important to a person without children? Could they just save enough in life to pay for the funeral costs and other expenses. I can see reasons like you have a disabled spouse, but in general do you think it is necessary or just a useless expense.""

""Which company offers the best health insurance policy in Delhi, India?

I want a health insurance as it saves tax. I am 21 Male

How much would insurance be for a Mazda MX5 MK1?

How much would the insurance be for a Mazda MX5 Mk1 in the uk. I know the car doesn't cost that much, and its quite old! I was just wondering what a 17 year old male would have to cough up :) Any useful website links would be nice aswell""

Is a paternity test needed to get insurance from the state in michigan?

Do they make you do paternity tests to get government insurance

Temporary car insurance??

so I just bought a car that I'll get from the dealership tommorow night and I need it right away. the problem is that it is my first car and my insurance needs to take 15 days to ...show more

What is the cheapest car insurance?

I'm 17 and i'm after buying a car. I have my full licence but every time i look for insurance its 8,000. Whats the best Car to buy, with cheap insurance and who with. Thanks""

Car Insurance Rates long island?

Help....My 20 year old needs car insurance... has two tickets,,, we live on long island just the basics""

Would my car insurance pay to fix a cracked windshield?

There was a crack in windshield 6 months ago. I have no ideal how it happened. Now it has gotten bigger and bigger. Would my car insurace pay to fix it now? I have AAA car insurance.

Insurance on a 2006 Suzuki GS500F?

I am 16 years old, living in California. How much is collision insurance for the Suzuki GS500F? The minimal insurance possible?""

Whats a good cheap auto insurance company on just liability? ( I am 24 in college)?

Whats a good cheap auto insurance company on just liability? ( I am 24 in college)?

Flyers insurance suggested?

This I my first time buying my own ticket and flying alone. Is it typical to get the insurance they offer for like $20 when you buy your ticket online? Would you recommend it? I think most cover your ticket and luggage?

Does getting married change your insurance?

I am currently covered by my parents health and dental insurance plan, but if I were to be wedded, would I no longer be able to use their insurance? I've been told that it changes, but I've also been told It is no longer like that anymore since Obamacare.""

Can A 17 Year Old Get Insured On A Japanese Sports Car ?

Basically wanting to get insurance on a japanese sports car ?? Would they allow it and how much would it cost ??

Car insurance question?

Im 18 (female) i just bought a 1994 ford explorer. I have my license and stuff. First time im getting insurance. I need coverage to fix my car if i was in an accident and fix the other persons etc. Would it be cheaper to the car in my dads name and get insurance under him? Hes 58 and stable job for years and good credit. Thanx

Considering suing my car insurance company?

As we all know car insurance companies in the United States of America charge males more than females to drive a car based on real world studies . This is the equivalent of not hiring females because they may get pregnant and take a lot ofdays off... Because this is truly a real world study i conducted that males dont get pregnant as often as females. So I am highly tempted to bring this up with a lawyer or at least send a letter to my car insurance company, and i want them to hurt for it because frankly it pisses me off that i am being descriminated against. Further more, in europe, this practice of charging males more because they are more likely to drive is highly illegal. I am in no way a liberal democrat but if this sensitivity bullshit is going to stop descrimination than maybe they should give a **** about me before i start caring about them...""

Help! which is cheaper of 2 cars on insurance?

which has cheaper insurance? 1. Mazda 3 touring hatchback 2009 (median level trim and automatic) 2. Volvo C30 T5 hatchback (base trim and automatic) ??? which one??? cuz my dad is worrying about the insurance for me. im 19 and going be 20 soon!

What kind of insurance do i need to get a license in California?

what do i need to get and how do i get it if my parents do not want to put me under there policy and i do not own a car myself. and i am also looking for the cheapest possible insurance

""I am 16 years old, and someone hit me from the back, will my insurance go up?""

It was clearly his fault, but will my insurance premium go up since I am a new driver? I live in California.""

Whats the best insurance company for young male drivers?

im 17. passed my test in sept this year. want to insure new citeron c1 1litre or 2001 or 1999 corsa expression 1 litre. whats the best insurance company. best quote is 3k so far.

What is the Maximum car insurance firms are LEGALLY ALLOWED to charge you monthly on a vehicle?

Let's take for example a Buick Lacrosse. What if people realized that the car had potential to be modified into a race car. So people start racing them, And there are 100 accidents a day caused by the drivers of those Buicks. How much can car insurance charge people? Is the maximum $1000/month? Is there no limit?""

Small Business Insurance?

I would like to know what is the best resource to help me find health insurance for my small business. Should I just go to an insurance broker or are there organizations (i.e. small business association) that can help me with that? Thanks!!

How to get into a new Car Insurance?

About 1.5 yrs back my wife scratched another car while parking. The claim was settled using insurance. The expense was about $1500. Ever since that the insurance company, AAA, has been increasing our premiums by abt $35 on every renewal. Now I cannot switch or shop with other insurance company since they give quotes much higher than this company. But apart from this one incident we do not have anything else on our record. Also I get discount for Home+Auto insurance. The company increased prices on our Home Insurance too. I am badly stuck with this company now. I would like to buy Auto+home from one company itself. But I really cannot move my Auto Insurance. Please give suggestions.""

Cheapest car insurance provider for a 23 year old?

I am 23 year old and had no claims up until last year when i had a little bump and now the quotes are terrible for even a little 1litre. does anyone know of realistically priced insurance company's for younger drivers? thanks for the help.

Michigan Auto Insurance Premium almost twice as much as quote!?

I'll do my best to summarize my situation, and am using estimates for days and amounts... I received a quote for auto insurance for $590 for a 6 month period from an independent auto agent. When I received my insurance policy and premium price it way nearly double (over $1,100). I cancelled the policy within a week after receiving the huge increase in premiums. Because of the time it took for me to receive my new premium and the 5-7 days for me to cancel, I received a bill for an amount due of roughly $40.00. I previously had auto insurance through the company/agent but it was for a different vehicle and paid a month in advance. My question is, why am I responsible, and how am I responsible for the premium that is so much higher than what I was quoted? I didn't sign any paperwork, I called over the phone and had the agent switch the policy based on the new quote. Auto insurance played a huge factor in budgeting for the vehicle and I feel that I was ripped off. I should be getting a credit for the 10 days that I did not use, not having to pay more for the days I did use. Thanks for any advice you're able to provide!""

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/does-anyone-know-any-affordable-health-insurance-fenton-zoa"

[viralhottopics]

Mental Health Patients Worry They Won’t Survive Paul Ryan’s War On Medicaid

President Donald Trump indicated in hisfirst federal budgetthat his administration is committed to investing in programs that tackle mental illness, but the health care legislation he and Republican lawmakers are championing suggests otherwise.

House Republicans released the American Health Care Act earlier this month. It proposes slashing$880 billion to Medicaid, which is the largest payer of mental health services in the country, as well as removing the requirement that Medicaid plans cover mental health and phasing out the programs expansion under theAffordable Care Act. Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Pricehas previously advocated for reducingfederal funding of the program, too.

House Speaker Paul Ryan, the architect of AHCA, gushed this week about potentially cutting Medicaid funding.

Weve been dreaming of this since you and I were drinking out of a keg, he said to National Review editor Rich Lowry at a conferenced hosted by the publication.

There are a lot of people who have chronic mental health conditions who are dependent on Medicaid, both younger people and adults, said Victor Schwartz, the chief medical officer for a youth mental health nonprofit called theJed Foundation. The people at highest risk for the worst consequences are going to be put in jeopardy.

I have no doubt that this care keeps me alive.

States will undoubtedly have to make cuts to crucial services if they lose federal funding.

Kat H., a 36-year-old single mother from Minnesota who asked not to be identified by her full name because it could affect her employment,is one of the people who stands to lose the most if she cant keep her Medicaid coverage.

I have no doubt that this care keeps me alive, said Kat, who has borderline personality disorder.

Without psychiatric care, I sometimes cant even get out of bed for days, she said.With it, I hold down a fulfilling and rewarding job, parent effectively, and maintain relationships with family and friends.

Kat is a self-employed database contractor who estimates she makes around $20,000 a year.Shes able to afford treatment thanks to Obamacares Medicaid expansion, which the GOP bill aims to end in 2020.

Todd Crouch, 46, has bipolar disorder and benefited from Medicaid expansion in his home state of Michigan. He didnt have health insurance for years, and said the quality of his health care has great improved since he signed up for Medicaid when Michigan expanded the program.

Without Medicaid, Crouch said he would be right back where I was five or six years ago, where I was hopeless.

Im barely putting food on my table, he said.How am I going to afford health care?

Bloomberg via Getty Images

The American Health Care Act, which House Republicans released earlier this month, proposes slashing $880 million to Medicaid. House Speaker Paul Ryan has long supported cutting funding for the program. 

The consequences of untreated mental illness

Issues related to untreated mental illness tend to snowball.

If those people dont have access to care, you lose work days, families break apart, Schwartz said. By virtue of not being able to treat people who are mildly troubled, you wind up with people who are sicker.

A lack of treatment can even be deadly, said Paul Gionfriddo, CEO of the Mental Health America nonprofit.

You end up with people who lose their jobs, who lose their societal supports, lose their families, lose their access to education, lose their housing, he said. And then we see them on our streets and in our jails and prisons, and frankly in our morgues.

And research has shown that mental illness can be harmful to both individuals and society if left untreated.

A 2008 study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health before Obamacare took effect found that people with mental illness who werent able to work cost the U.S. economynearly $200 billioneach year. Incarcerations, homelessness and physical health problems connected to poor mental health only add to that cost.

Where do people think the people on the corners asking for money come from? said Gionfriddo. Where do they think people who are chronically homeless come from? he added. Where do the think people in county jails and state prions come from? All of those are visual representation real life, real time of what happens when you have an inadequate system for mental health services and supports.

The GOPs plan to replace Obamacare would end up making health care even less accessible to millions of Americans, particularly tolow-income people. Around one-third of Medicaid beneficiaries suffer from mental health issuesor addiction, according to the Department of Health and Human Services.And Trumps federal budget planonly makes things worse for the poor, with cuts tokey programssuch as affordable housing, job training and legal counseling.

If I dont have my mental health, Im not able to go to work — and then what would I do? Kat H.

Research indicates that there is a direct correlation between poverty and mental health issues. Low-income people are more likely to suffer from mental illness, according toa report from the New York Universitys McSilver Institute. This is partly because theyre less likely to be able to afford treatment and partly because the stress of poverty can exacerbate existing mental health problems.

Im barely making it happen financially with my situation right now, Kat said.There are some days where we have beans and rice for dinner because thats all I have enough for in my bank account. The stress about it makes me crazy, it makes me lose sleep. If I dont have my mental health,Im not able to go to work and then what would I do?

Gionfriddo said his 32-year-old son, Timothy, has a serious mental illness and relies on disability benefits and affordable housing to stay out of jail and off the streets.

He has been making a concentrated effort to come in off the streets, he said. But you make that impossible to happen if you cut these other programs.

The GOP has a history of cutting mental health services

The Affordable Care Act has been seen as a major win formental health care.The expansion of Medicaid, coupled with increased accessto private insurance,filled gaps widened over the years by state and federal cuts to mental health services.

People with mental illness are an easy target from a purely political perspective, said the Jed Foundations Schwartz. Theres not a strong lobby, theyre not giving political contributions or in many cases not even voting.

Mental health servicesare often among the first issueson the chopping block when budgets get slashed. The mental health care system lost around $4.35 billion after the 2008 financial crisis,according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Although much of that money found its way back into budgets, some systems never recovered. Several states, includingFlorida,NevadaandMichigan,are currently weighing cutting millions more.

Some Republican lawmakers, though, are fighting to keep the American mental health care system afloat.

In aletter to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnellthis month, Sens. Rob Portman (R-Ohio), Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), Shelley Capito (R-W.Va.) and Cory Gardner (R-Colo.) expressed serious concerns about the AHCAs effects on mental health.

Any poorly implemented or poorly timed change in the current funding structure in Medicaid could result in a reduction in access to life-saving health care services, the lawmakers said. We believe Medicaid needs to be reformed, but reform should not come at the cost of disruption in access to health care for our countrys most vulnerable and sickest individuals.

During the 2016 campaign, Trump pledged to protect Medicaid and Medicare. But he also said he would be open to funding the programs through block grants, which opponentssay could lead to reduced benefits. And it appears Trump has shifted further away from his campaign promises since taking office, supporting the Houses health care bill and hinting at dramatic changes for Medicaid recipients.

Although Trumps budget may claim to want to help people with mental illness, patients advocates arent so sure.

Until we see all the numbers,its really hard to understand just how much of a commitment is here beyond the words, Gionfriddo said.

While politicians tinker with budgets and weigh which cuts will hurt the least, patients are left without answers.

This is not some hypothetical, academic debate, Kat said. This is my real life.

CORRECTION:A previous version of this article stated that the Republicans health care plan involved $880 million in cuts to Medicaid. That figure is $880 billion.

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from Mental Health Patients Worry They Won’t Survive Paul Ryan’s War On Medicaid