#its not because i dont cherish and love the friendship we had

[juicequeen21]

Death Note Au where Light marries men to kill them for their money. He marries L and is trying to kill them but nothing works bc L is a vampire.

[goformoony]

i got back into the marauders so here are my takes opinions (i might make people mad)

(remember idc who you ship, who you hate, who you utterly love, im not gonna hate on you so don’t hate on me just because you disagree with me, or get butt hurt. go cry about it if it makes you feel better most of the marauders is fan made based on opinion.)

MY OPINIONS!!

i don’t like peter sometimes i hate him sometimes i despise him he irritates me. younger peter and older idc either one. he is way too much of a follower first of all how people characterize him shows it too what he likes plants, he’s not great at school, he follows james around? its about all i can remember he’s just not a character that sticks for me. also as a person who cherishes friends to the end of time and could NEVER purposely hurt them? i just no. also in a lot of characterizations even regulus hates him. maybe if he had more characterizations that interested me it would change.

i like bartylus way more than rosekiller it might be a common dynamic, but the way they both love obsessively and its borderline insane to the point its unhealthy? you’re telling me those 2 can’t match each other’s energy to a T? those two have such an interesting thing with each other i could watch a 24 hour movie explaining it.

stop. writing. about. the. same. pairings. yes i love jegulus, yes i love wolfstar, yes i love jily. but please can some of us explore different pairings? moonwater? moonkiller? wolfstarbucks? prongsfoot? regulily? lilylene? pandorcas? dormary? anything PLEASE!

enby sirius. genderfluid sirius. feminine sirius? give them to me please im dying for it he did it to spite her parents and then finally found out what was wrong. also dont get me started on demisexual sirius omg.

dont tell me prongsfoot couldn’t work. best friends to lovers? we already almost have them kiss in every fanfic if they aren’t each others first kiss.

can we focus on friendships more? why do romance centric when the marauders is literally about a group of friends it’s how they started and it’s their base.

also the girls are so looked over and watered down depending on the fanfic GIVE THEM FLAVOR! this is why i love crimson rivers a big chunk being dorcas’s feelings? yes.

disabled people are not accessories, if you make remus disabled just for fun you’re part of the problem i love disabled representation as a disabled person myself, but were not fun add ons. that being said if you genuinely see him as disabled or someone else im not talking to you also be accurate or don’t do it at all.

I probably have more, but im in a brain fog i might make a part 2 if i think of more.

[daddyd0nt]

its honestly such a relief to be asexual. I never have to have sex again. I never have to worry about being fuckable. I never have to feel threated by other people being better looking than me or getting sexual attention. I never have to endure anything that grosses me out in the name of intimacy again. I can be loved without needing to prove it with sexuality. Sex/sexuality was a plague in my mind that started ruining everything once i turned 12. Im glad I got to really be in love and will always cherish my time with B but honestly he was so beautiful and loving and good at sex that i didnt mind it to keep being his favorite person but if i cant like it with him under those circumstances it is a crazy relief to admit that i just don't think i like it. I had a sexual 20's/teens and after my fair share of sexual experiences with my fair share of partners of all genders i can honestly say that while liked being somebody's favorite and thought sex was how u prove/maintain that Im relieved at the thought that I can be loved and have happy relationships without sex. Sex made me a worse person. It made me jealous and possessive. It traumatized me, was overstimulating, and kind of just grosses me out (like to be honest i dont want to put my mouth on the place where somebody else goes to the bathroom). I was/am terrified of pregnancy. So much of my desire to be wanted sexually just came from wanting to be somebody's favorite and not having to share them with a partner/not wanting to come second to their sexual partners. Its such a big relief to not have to do that anymore. I always identified with characters like lolita because in a way i was the same as her, submitting to sex for love/protection/to be taken care of by somebody (i think thats one of the reasons i really hate when people sexualize that character or equate her with a promiscuous teen/young temptress). Like im very sad to not have B around because he was good to me and was my best friend for 12 years so I hope when things clear up a little we can maintain a friendship because he will always be very important to me and i will always have love in my heart for him but the relief of being able to say "Im asexual" is so enormous. I feel free. I feel clear and unburdened in a way that I haven't felt since puberty.

[amndmirk]

bestie drop the Kris & Ralsei relationship rant and why there's less fandom reception for them because of archetypes. the ppl want to know.

its. ugh

im not tidying it up, ill be putting it off forever (haha krals quest reference. VIBE CHECK)

so, deltarune community, i introduce to you, a half-assed 3AM rant about kris and ralsei.

transcription below, sidebar screenshots, tldr and everything. uh, i recommend reading the post

while i still cannot pass out i figured out what bothers me about the way theyre presented and why platonic kralsei is such a craving that has no material in the fandom to work with whatsoever

we know the susie relationships. everyone cherishes kris and susies friendship. id say it comes first if anything. people vaguely appreciate her and ralsei as well - we had plenty of hangout opportunities for the two, there are even two or three comics about ralsei and his beef with her. friendship content. dynamic exploring

kris and ralsei presentation however includes but is not limited to: dry interaction (choose your flavour: kris/kris as player projection aka the thing everyone did with ch1 ralsei cutesy content), dry interaction 2.0 aka The Sillies/ralsei as sole background commenter in goofyass situations/the normal dude (may or may not include in-game shit), kris' resentment of ralsei (at least theyre getting creative), and finally mushy romantic couple shit and sugarcoating tropes

vc: and you could excuse that with a "oh, well but we dont know anything about ralseis backstory" yet we hardly know anything about susies either. we only theorise of her past related to adoption, being homeless, insert other determinators based material. we factually know very little of her, yet susie has established friendships with both kris and ralsei, even well-written fan content with noelle that is not limited by surface romance but rather the exploration of their dynamic, friends first, partners - second.

as in for either of them being morally gray? susie has no problems with that and i love her, we love her, the_newest_girl sweepstakes log hasnt changed anything. i do have a theory on how that could affect ralsei, though. might contemplate on that.

so susie has all that. kris, their nature still unknown to most, but overall sympathetic with a shade of gray morality (HEEEELLL YEAAA) has the similar spectrum. kris has all that.

with them and ralsei though? its like. not a single plate of them as a dynamic. as actual friends

and honestly its no wonder kralsei is getting rejected from lightner ship/old darkner ship communities

we present no base. no fundamental understanding or interpretation of them

...though i wish id browse through deltarune tag more legitimately and take samples every time i see kris and ralsei on-screen to have a list of categories for each interaction to sort them like legos by shapes and colours.

there was one.ONE comic of them that kept the hopes up. this is why kralsei is stayin alive. that, and tunas scarf thingy. our icon (shhhh hes seepy)

i, uh, dont have a conclusion. i remember writing it because i wish we actually came up with who they are. wish that even they had conflicts and resolutions, similarities and differences, like any other dynamic in the fanon, having multiple headcanons and interpretations.

i just wish we gave them a chance to be friends.

[queer-advice-hotline]

god idk even if this is a vent or that im like asking for help

im aro/ace, specifically i dont want anything romantic nor sexual, like 0% interest. never had the wish for a relationship either, MAYBE queerplatonic where we are just best friends who are exclusive. but idk basically… i feel like im missing behind, like i KNOW i am not, i know there is nothing wrong with the fact that i dont feel sexual nor romantic attraction and with the fact that i dont even want to feel it, but seeing all of your friends find their one person… like holy fucking god dude it sucks

my very best friend of three years for example, i adore her with all of my heart and i click with her in a way that i have never clicked with anyone before, like i have never loved someone this much platonically and i know for a fact she feels the same. but we are older teens, ofc she is gonna be dating around i understand it it is what happens and what other teens want but… not me. she got a bf recently, and i genuinely love the dude we get along great we are good friends we play games together and have the same sort of humor we have similar interests and hyperfixations he is amazing and caring and kind he is so good to her and she had a couple of HORRIBLE exes especially her last gf before him and im deadass so happy to see her have such a good relationship and find someone who cherishes her like that after all the heartbreak she went through

but i cant keep myself from feeling like im second best

she has known this dude for maybe what, a couple weeks? and hes just casually at the level of friendship that she and i have that we have been at for the last three years and shes constantly talking about him and just… like what does he have that i dont? im not jealous, i never really felt jealousy like that and never when it comes to relationships, i just feel like the second pick.

all my closer friends have been getting into relationships like that and never had an issue with it until it was her. i guess i just felt like i finally had someone who thought of me as their one and only, like their person. now this fucker who deadass is me but wants to fuck and kiss came along and in a few weeks that is her person. all my friends have their people, i was her person until he came along, and other people think of me just as the funny guy in class who is a friend to all. like a "jack of all trades but a master of none" situation but with relationships. just, god, i would fucking kill to be someones first choice and their person and one and only but the stupid chemicals that make people have those stupid crushes and idiotic romantic feelings are keeping me from it

just, god dude, being aro/ace sucks so fucking much sometimes. its like heartbreak but just skipping the love part

also this is the first time in my life i have ever voiced these feelings because i usually just joke about it all... even typing it out made me feel better in a way

Voicing your feelings can be helpful, I’m glad it made you feel better

[ankhisms]

have experienced what feels like 800 emotions in rapid succession on a rollercoaster today and it hasnt even really been a bad day honestly or anything im fine you know how it is

my mood swings have just been a lot stronger than they usually are since thats one of the biggest things my meds are for theyre like supposed to be a mood swing stabelizer but anyway

something that im aware is related to my more severe paranoia and obsessive compulsive issues but is less severe and more just adjacent to those is like being scared that im somehow a hypocrite about various random things or that im somehow secretly an awful horrible person who hurts people and does bad things without me even realizing that im doing that. im also aware that this very much stems from the way my abuser treated me and also the behavior of ""friends"" i had when i was younger who just now as im older i realize honestly didnt even like me and kept me around to make fun of me and be cruel to me together as a kind of group bonding thing.

which sucks because when im doing self soothing techniques and trying to calm myself down or even just approaching these thoughts and talking myself thru things it can be hard to counter the fear of "what if my friends or people i know in general actually talk together about how im an awful person and they hate me or talk together about how ive done something wrong without telling me?" with "no thats not fair or true and not based in reality" because it very much WAS reality for me. not in the sense of me having done something "wrong" in the past with those ""friends"" but like them being cruel to me and making fun of me when i wasnt around and the things i did ""wrong"" were just my autistic traits and other symptoms of my various mental things especially during that period of my life where i was completely unmedicated and had just gotten away from my abuser and was still in the awful school environment of being harrassed every single day.

anyway its really like. i know i shouldnt worry about this, rationally i know this. but just because i know something isnt rational it doesnt make my brain stop obsessively thinking about it so its like i could see someone saying "i hate when people go to the moon and jump up and down and sing the abcs" (ridiculous example bc i cant think of anything else) and i could at first go oh yeah i get that and like their post but then my brain will go but what if ive done that without realizing it and they see me liking their post and they go "ugh rey this post is about YOU and people like you and youre such a hypocrite and dont even know it" and the spiral begins. and in the end i guess all of this just goes to show that having people pretend to be friends with you only to hate you and ridicule you and pick apart every little thing you do behind your back really fucks you up.

also thinking about the ex close friend who cut me off out of nowhere with no explanation for seemingly no reason about a year or so ago now and ive continued to have kind of taking off the rose tinted glasses moments where i loved and cherished this friend so much that i excused how shitty they treated me at different times. not at all saying they are or were a bad person or that there was any abuse going on or anything like that but im just realizing that we both come from dysfunctional abusive families and we both have our own physical and mental problems and so throughout our friendship we both mightve not made the best choices or couldve handled things better and im not exempt from that. but also i realized that he would not tell me if i had done something to upset him and it would be like a guessing game for me and would really stress me out and make me feel awful

and its like. now as im older i would want to be able to talk things out and understand what had happened and be able to apologize and work on doing better. and in general thats something i really try my best on like i think in the past i would really get stuck in obsessively overthinking in self analyzing and get into moral obsessive compulsive spirals that just ended up hurting myself more than helping me grow, and anyway i always want to be able to step back and look at myself and my actions and be willing to listen if someone tells me ive done something hurtful or that i need to re-examine my behavior and beliefs, i think im pretty good at listening to people about stuff like that and have gotten much better about not falling into those spirals i just mentioned and examining myself in smaller healthier doses

but at the same time i do really get worried that people just arent telling me that theyre upset with me or that ive done something wrong or hurt them in some way. i really just want to be a good friend to people and i dont want people to be scared of coming to me and talking with me if ive done something to hurt them or to just talk about things with me in general and i dont want people to think im so fragile and mentally fucked up that theyd be scared of upsetting me by telling me id done something hurtful and letting it fester instead. i dont want to hurt people i want to spend my life making people happy and helping people and being a good friend, thats what i want most out of my relationships in life overall. i want to make people feel content and happy and safe.

but idk i just get scared. please be honest with me be upfront with me be blunt with me even i know im traumatized but i wont shatter into a million pieces if you tell me youre upset with me ill appreciate you being honest about it and ill stop whatever it was i was doing or work on it. i know im bad with social cues bc of autism and if i misunderstand something or say something inappropriate/out of my lane due to this please just tell me yknow

i really hate that my brain is like this and that having been abused and mistreated in the past has made me struggle like this because i want to trust that people arent talking badly about me or angry with me secretly i dont want to be so paranoid i dont want people to feel like they cant be honest with me or that im made of glass and that ill shatter if they tell me theyre upset with me, i want to trust that the people in my life like me and dont secretly hate me and im really trying hard but paranoia isnt something i can just magically wave away yknow its something im probably going to be dealing with for most of my life and im always kind of scared that people are going to get tired of my paranoia

despite living in survival mode constantly i still love all the people in my life a lot and i just want everyone to be happy and safe and i always wish there was more i could do to help everyone and i want everyone to be able to thrive and to be living comfortably and have all their needs met and to get all the help they need i love everyone a lot i want everyone to be okay and yeah

have also been majorly overthinking about if i want to do something that im being vague about as i ramble about it which i know is silly and its not even like something bad or negative but i just keep overthinking about the possible what if scenarios of oh what if i do this and they react really badly and cut me off and never want to talk to me again and due to this im also unfortunately like overthinking most things recently and being even MORE scared than usual of coming off as weird or being weird and making people uncomfortable but aint that just the way yknow. ill either do it or ill be a coward

anyway besides that my days been pretty decent its a lovely early autumn day. after typing this all i realized im probably feeling super emotional and weird because i just started my period lmao but thanks if you read this i love u mwah

[at-least-ill-die-a-lionturtle]

im sorry

im sorry that i made you mad at me, and i hope that you can forgive me. what i did, what i believe that i did that made you angry, was inexcusable and it wont happen again. i just... i hope you can forgive me. because im a real ride or die bitch. youre going to do things that i dont like, that will make me angry at you (although completely honest youve never ever done anything that has made me angry at you, idk if i have the capacity to be angry at you) but youre going to do things that i wont like. that i dont agree with. and im still here anyways. i still love you. platonically. i still love you. youre my best friend. and i hope that you can extend that to me as well. you led me to believe that she was an evil horrible person, that you couldnt understand why she did what she did. and now i understand it, and i dont know how you dont. i dont agree with what she did, and i hate what she did to you, but i understand it. and i want to understand why you did what you did to her. you had me believe that you were 100% the victim and you arent. you hurt her. you did. and i am not angry at you, but i am confused... and... upset that you did that and i dont understand why. i still love you. i just dont understand. i want to understand. i... to me... loyalty means holding the people you love accountable for their actions, *because* you love them and dont want them to be wrong. youre my best friend, and i will *always* love you. *no matter what* but when you do somerthing wrong, when you hurt your friends, i want to know why. i want to understand, so that i can help you do and be better. i want you to be your best self, always and forever. and i know about other cody. and if i had known about him, i wouldntve.. said the things i said. i wouldve just swallowed it all down. because i feel like youre going to break my heart. its going to happen. ive been trying to mentally prepare for it. and it sucks. but... your happiness is important to me. and if after you dont feel trapped anymore, you want to run away with him into the sunset, i will be your biggest supporter. i will hoot n holler and cheer you on. because youre my best friend and i love you and want the best for you. and if you get married to him i hope i'll be lined up there with you and the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and i'll swing on any motherfucker that objects to your bonding. you were my friend first, and then my best friend, and youll probably never be my lover... but i can get over that. i can deal with that, as long as youre always my friend. i will cherish that till the day i die. we may be at odds right now... i dont know what the future has in store for us... but i'll always be at your side. always. i want to be the proof to you that true love and friendship exists, unfaltering and unwavering. and no, this isnt inane drunk rambling. ive been sitting on this for like.. a week at least. and i wish i could be saying this to your face, but that'll probably never happen... idk when i'll ever see you again... but im always here, no matter what.

[z0mbieeg1rl]

i doubt u will see this but here

@detectivepeanutbutter its max btw this is for otter if u want to show this to him it wont let me tag him

i miss u, i miss u so much u dont understand. im sorry im so sorry. i love you so much and i really did love you and i do and i always will(/p). our friendship meant more then the world to me and im sorry my mother ruined it and never gave me the proper chance to get better. im sorry i loved you so much i couldnt help doing the things that ruined us and got me in trouble in the end. u were the closest thing i ever had to consider family before i really started to love my mother back and that will never change. every day i think about you and wish i couldve done something different or maybe just accepted the help i was being offered. im sorry, i really am, for the way things turned out. i would do anything, absolutely anything to go back. icll never hate you and i'll never blame you, i'll always cherish you and wish i could still have you. i had a dream about when we were very little, before everything started going to shit like the times you would be at my house days at a time. i dreamt that everything stayed like that and be like that in the present, but we were accepted for the people we were and not shunned away for it. im sorry i ever had to change and im sorry i couldnt control myself. every amazing thing i experience reminds me of you because you were the person that gave me the best experiences through my entire life. i cant think of a person whos ever made me laugh or smile or forget my problems more. you raised me more then you know and i appreciate you more then anything in the world. i love you so much and i regret what happened and the things i did and said so badly because i know if i never did anything i could still have you and the whole friend group. i pray you dnt feel the way i do about this, i hope you forget and i hope you dont ever cry about this like i am now. i just really want you to know i miss you so so so much and i do love you so much as well. i never want you to think i hate you or have any form or of dislike for you because how i saw our friendship you were like a brother or even a father to me and i fucked up everything and im sorry anything ever had to change. i wish you were here because really, i love you, i love you so so much. you really were and are my bestfriend.

/p this is the most platonic love ever

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam

Page 108-111

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this

DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad

DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there

DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

KANAYA: Hello Dave

DAVE: sup

DAVE: am i buggin you

DAVE: do you want me to leave you to it or

KANAYA: Not Particularly Now That Youre Here

KANAYA: But Shouldnt You Be Asleep

DAVE: shouldnt you

KANAYA: I Need Less Sleep Than I Used To

KANAYA: Less Food Too Which Is Fortunate For The Rest Of You

DAVE: oh right

DAVE: i always forget about the vampire thing because youre already an alien

DAVE: and if somebody tried to sit me down and get me to watch a movie about a vampire alien id be like

DAVE: come on pick a genre

DAVE: except id watch it anyway because lets be honest the only person whod ever try to get me to watch something like that would be karkat

DAVE: and if he can get me to watch serendipity he can get me to watch anything

DAVE: but you get what im saying

KANAYA: Yes

DAVE: rose even told me

DAVE: shit

DAVE: sorry

KANAYA: Its Alright To Say Her Name

DAVE: i just dont want to remind you of that shit if i can avoid it

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else

KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her

KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

KANAYA: Well I See Space And The Corner Of My Shoe Right Now

KANAYA: But Her Too

KANAYA: Shes There In The Glint Of Fluorescence Shining Off The Shoe

KANAYA: And Shes Out There Somewhere In The Sea Of Stars

KANAYA: Which Just Reminds Me Of One Of The Nursery Stories Shed Reserved To Read To Young Broods Of Grubs Back Then

DAVE: oh huh

DAVE: i still kind of have a hard time picturing rose reading to kids

DAVE: maybe a dick thing to say but she doesnt seem like the type

KANAYA: I Understand

KANAYA: Its One Thing To Come Into The Responsibilities Of Adulthood Yourself

KANAYA: And Another To Dwell On Those You Were Once Close To Struggling With Similar Pressures

KANAYA: Growing Up So To Speak

KANAYA: Its Strange

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: so what was the story

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost

DAVE: flower

DAVE: like a plant

KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave

DAVE: right

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All

KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

KANAYA: Or Within My Personal Frame Of Reference At Least

KANAYA: And Made Them Her Own In Some Strange Way

KANAYA: So I Cant Help But See Her When I See It At All

KANAYA: Whether Its A Star Or a Lightbulb

KANAYA: They All Just Leave Her Burnt Into My Mind Like The Blazing Imprint Of An Afterimage

DAVE: i mean it sounds like you think its BECAUSE shes a god like shes wielding some kind of cosmic power over you

DAVE: but if it was really true love or w/e

DAVE: would you even know the difference

KANAYA: Hmm

KANAYA: I Guess I Wouldnt

DAVE: would you want to for that matter like isnt feeling that strongly connected kind of how youd want it to be anyway

DAVE: i think its how id want it at least

DAVE: can i sit down

KANAYA: Of Course

KANAYA: Its Not My Observation Deck

DAVE: cool

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell

DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

DAVE: kinda worried about you sis

KANAYA: You Dont Have To Call Me That Anymore

KANAYA: In Fact I Wish You Wouldnt

KANAYA: It Really Hasnt Ever Been Accurate

DAVE: yeah well im pretty sure rose didnt serve you divorce papers before she left on her fucked up father/daughter rp

DAVE: so youre still my sister

DAVE: i mean you could always decide to divorce her yourself but i doubt youre going to find a lawyer in space

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

DAVE: but yeah this whole situation blows

KANAYA: You And Karkat Didnt Have To Come With Me

KANAYA: I Know You Have Your Own Lives And Your Own Matespritship

DAVE: no offense dude but yeah we did

DAVE: i wasnt going to let the only family i have left fly off without me

KANAYA: Roxy Didnt Have To Come Either

DAVE: debatable

DAVE: also i dont just mean roxy did you not just hear my heartwarming insistence that i think of you as my sister

DAVE: and yeah roxy is rad but our relationship is pretty fucking convoluted if were being totally honest

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

[leafy-dragon]

thoughts about my friendships

in my (soon to be) 18 years of life, i thought that i've been always good, that my future is actually great. but recently, there has been a lonely aching within me; that i don't matter that much to those around me.

I know that it isn't the case, my family sure does love me. However, outside of them, I find it really difficult to make long lasting connections that seems impactful. When I was an early teen, I immigrated away from my home country, going to another that has a vastly different culture and people. The friendships that i had made in my origins are essentially gone. my best friends are now essentially a speck in my memories, longing for what was. i am now in a different place, needing to learn how to socialize again since im now at a place with a vastly different culture and rules.

i managed to be able form a strong bond to another person like myself, who also immigrated to here. however, due to my dumb idiot self, i lost contact with them when high school arrived. now im back to square one. even though there are some people who went to the same primary as me, i still find it difficult to make friends. my first three years of high school were somewhat lonely. i mean, i wasn't truly lonely. i did talk to some people sometimes, but i generally kept to myself.

only after 2 or 3 years did i become a member of a friend group. i am genuinely thankful for brendon, who coaxed me into it. now i actually have some regularly people to interact with. not necessarily talk, but interact. i always envisioned myself to be 'other' from the group. like im in their peripherals. i know it isnt a good mindset to be, but my upbringing and culture makes it difficult to put myself out there.

then, a new student came into my school. my friend group then adopted him. truthfully, he became one of my closest friend(even though he may see me differently), the one with the most promising potential of still being friends once we graduate. however, that future is becoming less likely. i dont want it to be that way, but i dont really know what to do with such situations.

in the middle of writing this, my feelings has somewhat subsided, but i know it is still lurking within me. i truly regret not making long lasting connections with those around me, but i cant deduce why i cant make such connections. is it because i 'grew up too early,' or is it because i moved to a very different culture than my own and have never really assimilated, or maybe its because i focused to much on my studies and not my social life.

well, whatever the reason, the friendships i have seem to be always fleeting, always to be short-lived. even though it is that way, i will always cherish the connections i had made. i still have a long way to go in life. in fact, its only started.

[tayliii]

i love my friends so much like i have so much love for them i feel like exploding. i am currently far away from them since we go to our summer house. i love Z so so much she lives so so so far away from me but i thank everyday that i became friends with her, shes just perfect, so loevly and oh my god i dont understand how she cant love herself, if only she saw herself through my eyes she would realise how she is perfection in a human form and i hate her ex boyfriend and how she cries because of him because she doesnt deserve to be sad in any way, she should only feel happy and love herself so so much. i usually am great at writing ( at least i think so, or i am improving) but i just cant put into words how much i adore her, if she wanted me to i could write do many poems about her, enough for them to be a book and published i want everyone to know how much i cherish her and i love it when she told me that i make her feel good when she is sad, i literally giggled and kicked my feet like i made feel happy oh my god this is a blessing from god, i love making you making you happy please be so happy. and my love isn't romantic its just pure friendship love. i also really like A she is my only school friend like when everbody left me because of an argumwnt with a friends and ignored me she was still there for me. one week ago she told me that she liked a guy i was really close with and she was scared that i would hate her for it but of course not i love her so much to just hate her for that and its not like she did anything bad to me or talked behind my back and actually i was really happy that she trusted me so much to the point of telling me i really really also love her sometimes when we are hanging out i just feel like hugging and kissing her cheeks and even though she is bot the biggest fan of pyhscial concat she still lets me hug her and even sleep together, i spend most of my time with her and i am so gald to have her in my life if she was not with me i think i would feel so lonely and miserable, words cant explain how much i am grateful for her, like i saw a horror house reel and my first thought was we should totally go together i want to go together so much with her and then visit this new cafe i saw on the internet, i just really like hanging out with her and topics can go from gossiping with people to talking about our traumas and to why we exist then back to gossip. and i dont get how she can hate herself like oh my god why do people around me has to hate themselves when they are so fucking amazing and beautiful and i hate it when she looks in the mirror and says that she looks ugly like no you are one of the prettiest people in my eyes like you have a great body a great face and a great personality, like i know she can be an asshole and two faced at times but i know she wouldnt do that to me because she actually trusts me and even if she was satan himself i would still countine to love her because i have been around her enough to realise that she is one of the best people and i really apperciate her. i love B i have know her for like six year and we still go on and i am so happy with her too even though we havent been close the first two years we are very close right now like i know every shit she eats and her drama and she was the one who was beside me when i had no one to rely on if she wasnt then i really wpuld have been totally deprived of human concat in the quarintia, yes she talks too much abput boys and it can get annoyüng at times but i love how when i am with her i can just relax and sit back and listen of course i love to talk but i am a listener and its good to listen sometimes and i love how its not one side and i still can talk about my life to her i hope she still will be in my life in 10 year and more and more she is my only friend left from middle scholl and i really really love her.

[earth2carmen]

paxton

you may remember paxton he was the male coworker that at first I had a little crush on but just left the situation alone. well me and him have began to get closer and while a relationship with him is not what id like a little fling never hurts nobody!!! there are just small bonding moments that to me speak volumes like when I always ask him for help bc im not "strong" enough or "tall" enough to do something for me knowing damn well there was an easier other way to go about the situation. or when our hands slightly graze against each others. I know he feels that too. the issue comes in when one of my coworkers daughter comes and hangs out at the job she is 16, paxton is 18 and im 18. well at first she asked me what I thought if him and I was honest. he's cute but I wouldn't be interested in a committed relationship with him. so I guess the months go on and she develops a small crush on him. during all this paxton begin to ge closer. me and bee ( the girl) were not friends during this time. until the beginning of the summer may and we start hanging out. shopping, coffee dates, driving, running errands, planning trips. now we both knew each other thought he was cute. no surprise there but the issue comes when we are both wanting a form of relationship with him regardless if its serious or not, just some form of communication. so I ask her I said lmk if you have feelings for paxton and ill back off. she told me not to worry and that I could do my thing. so im here thinking I have a pass and there's no issue until the next day the topic comes up again and she's asking me to back off. this ofc takes me by surprise and I immediately dont know what to say. I had asked her for her truthful opinion because I didn't want another Jenny situation to happen. Essentially the conversation me and bee had while sitting in my car was. we both aren't sure how we feel on him, we both cherish the friendship more than him, but are both still interested in him. the best conclusion we came up to was. we can both start to get closer to him and THE MINUTE mutely feelings are reciprocated between both parties is when the other has to back off immediately, boundaries will be made!!!!! I told her about the Jenna situation and how if everything was just talked about it could all be different. im glad me n bee had this talk, to go ahead and get it out the way, to chose each other first, to have hard conversations to preserve the love. and how I never wanted another one of my firendships to end bc of a boy. and how I never wanted her to feel or our friendship to feel like we were in competition. because our bond and relationship is so much more special than that. I love that she looks up to me as an older sister and I dont want to ruin it

[amozon28]

this is so beautiful and wonderfully put!

he’s honest to her about what he wants from her, the way he doesn’t have to pretend he’s attracted to her in order to keep their marriage going… it’s probably the first time he’s had such an honest relationship with someone who isn’t a fellow agent.

i especially like this part, that BECAUSE they both know its fake and Twilight doesnt have to pretend as much, they actually, in  a way, communicate more than they would if they were dating. in the beginning its very much a roommate situation, with them constantly checking with each others emotional and physical boundaries because they dont have any expectations of each other for more beyond what they already agreed to. Yor doesnt want to intrude on this family that let her into their lives, and Twilight doesnt want to disrespect Yor in order to keep her around.

and then as they go on that roommate dynamic slowly changes to that of actual friendship. and again this shift is primarily initiated by Yor; shes the one that gives Loid parenting advice and comforts him that hes a great dad (a perfect 100). shes the one takes on more mother role in Anyas life even when she doesnt have too outside of public outings and interviews. Yors the one that trains for weeks just to be able to cook them a nice meal, simply because she cares about them.

Yor doesnt have to do any of these things, yet she does because she cares about them, as new friends in her life, people shes growing to cherish outside of their fake public front.

and Twilight sees this, he sees that she keeps putting in more of an effort than she even needs to, and so he starts reciprocating her efforts. he assures her when shes down, hes pointedly honest after bugging her about what a good wife/mother she is, he takes her out on dates not for romance but to cheer her up, and knows that her favorite food is apples and buys her apple treats on his way home. and while he tells himself over and over and over again that hes doing all these things for “the mission” and we the fandom love to tease him for it, i think its honestly because (as you said) hes NEVER had such a healthy honest relationship before. i think it unsettles him sometimes, how natural it is becoming actual friends with Yor has been. so while hes very much in denial, its obvious that hes developed a friendship with Yor, just like he did with Franky, and its very very slowly turning into actual romantic feelings. which are even more alien to him

Twilight says he's had relationships with countless women for his missions, and I wonder how many (if any) of them were anything close to what he has with Yor now.

While acting as "Robert", he's in a relationship with Karen, who considers the possibility of them getting married at some point an actual possibility (also the fact that Twilight knew how many moles she had on her body suggests they were intimate, aka quite serious at least in her mind). But it was all fake so he could gather intel on her father.

So his relationships with other women included him a) using them to get intel and/or b) pretending to be in love with them and entering a relationship knowing they actually have feelings for him that he doesn't reciprocate nor plans to.

But with Yor, he doesn't need to use her for intel (when he put a bug on her, it was to ensure she wasn't threatening, and then even felt guilty for doubting her); Yor is the one who first asks him to play her boyfriend, and he's then open about what he'll gain from her helping him back; Yor is the one who suggests they get married; they start their marriage with a clear and mutual agreement of no feelings attached, and a (mostly) clear understanding of what each one earns from this arrangement.

And the way he's honest to her about what he wants from her, the way he doesn't have to pretend he's attracted to her in order to keep their marriage going... it's probably the first time he's had such an honest relationship with someone who isn't a fellow agent. He can let loose, just a tiny bit, both from the lies he's told other women and the collected façade he puts on in front of his colleagues.

Above all, Yor feels like a secure person to him. And it's this security he feels with her that slowly allows emotions to take root.

[insomniawitch]

.

[demadogs]

Okay so I just read a post about how Mike only really talks about el relating to her superpowers and how their relationship is more like him admiring her and looking up to her and I've always said this. Literally he thinks she's awesome obviously but I think that's it, the reason he's dating her and kissing her is because he's a teenage boy in the 80s, its supposed to be a normal thing to have girlfriends and kiss them so that's what he's doing. Tbh I think the writers are trying to make us see this, & showing us that what byler has is genuine love. He's always been close to will, always cherished the moment they met, loved him for who he is (he doesn't have powers) so they are the perfect example for actual love not just admiration.

i agree. i think originally mike genuinely confused his friendship and protectiveness for el as romantic interest, especially with lucas and nancy asking or implying that he likes her, and he just thought “oh i guess i do like her” because like you said, he did what he thought was normal. i think he still thought that he liked her in that way all throughout season two. it would be easy for him to believe that because he wasnt with el almost the entire time. he only liked the idea of it but we dont see much of him liking her until the end. i also think its interesting that they originally werent gonna kiss at the snowball but millie convinced them they should.

then in season 3 i think he started to get a little confused and the kissing all the time was actually pretty genius writing, as weird as it was. they both were doing what they thought was normal. el, because she was still barely a part of normal society and apart from tv she watched during s2, she never had any exposure to what love is supposed to be like. and mike because he was still in the “i have a girlfriend i have to kiss her” mindset, and not “i have a girlfriend and i want to kiss her but i also love doing anything else with her”.

and now season 4 like you said, theyre really showing what love actually is. just the way mike talks to him during that “i feel like i lost you” scene? thats love baby!! have we ever had a scene with el that showed that much love from mike just through the way he talks and his body language?

if s5 starts with mike and will as an established couple, id love for them to open with a complete contrast to how mlvn opened in s3. instead of just mindlessly making out i want them to just be cuddling on a couch and watching some nerdy movie and talking over it and laughing and giving a kiss on the cheek and just completely enjoying each others company and being happier than ever.

[xlysaaa]

Ahhhhhh

Ok, so this might become a bit of a long post. After reading the latest Kono oto Tomare! chapter, i just have to get these feelings off my chest. It'll be random & full ramblings.

i put some panels of chapter 105 but also from 99.5 in this post.

-> lot of spoilers, so read at your own risk <-

this wont be a review or something. I just want to ramble and scream.

First of all, Chikas father . . .

I have literally no fucking words for this sorry excuse of a father! seeing this flashback made me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor.

how much do you have to sink as a human being to make YOUR VERY OWN CHILD think this?

What kind of human scum do you have become to tell to YOUR VERY OWN SON " It's hell. Ever since you were born, Its always been hell." ?! What kind of heartless huge shit being do you have to be to treat your very own son like he's the worst, like he isnt worth of human affection or care?!

While Chika was scared & uncomfortable, because he punched someone for the first time to defend himself, instead of talking about it the father looked at him like he was dirt.

When Chika went to the Takaokas that day in Chapter 99.5, he brought back come of the selfmade cake from Tetsukis mum, because he wanted to share it with his father, he thought he could make him happy.

look at this adorable sweet baby bean? how dare you make him cry. ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

Imagine a little smiling chika hoping his father would come back early from work to share this delicious cake with him. . . and THEN! imagine the father telling chika in his drunk state all those horrible things, while chika still cares for his father and put a blanket on him to keep him warm. Only for the faher to say ".. I cant bringt myself to love you."

We read in the latest chapter that his mother left with another man, chika cant even remember her face, because he was 2 years old. If its because of the dad, why wouldnt she take chika with her? i dont care whatever her business is, she is as much to blame as this human trash called father. There were so many moments were i had to pause for a bit cause these scenes were too heartbreaking.

Of course Chika would never treasure himself when never once did his father! How should he know how to hold himself dear, when his father never did?

I cant find even the words to describe, what i'm feeling. I feel so sick to my stomach.

I'm so glad that he had his grandpa who cherished him and gave Chika affection. He always encouraged Chika. "Hey, Chika. Dont give up on yourself" & showed him the Koto. He & Tetsuki literally pulled Chika out of the deep darkness & showed him light.

Look Chika, they're all waiting for you! T____T

- - - - - - -- - - - - - -

When Tetsuki transfered into Chikas class, a boy told him that he shouldnt get involved with chika because he's a loner & he's trouble. He said "Instead you can be friend with us" to which Tetsuki replied "Thanks. But no thanks." IN YO FACE YOU SHITTY BULLY CHILD.

Anyways, after school the boy & his friends planed to isolate Tetsuki & bully him . . welp, these boys forget chika "LAME. You guys are super lame." and off they go :'D thank to these shitty children ⬇️

a wonderful unbreakable friendship started! They became best friends who were inseparable. /chikas adorable blush q.q sweet baby bean!!!

When Chika had an argument with his father & left the house, he was bullied by middles schoolers & fought. . . it was then when they started to slowly fall apart.. Chika started to avoid Tetsuki & isolated himself again. Even when Tetsuki tried to ask what happened or tried to help him, Chika would only say "Its got nothing to do with you, do dont butt in." Tetsuki blamed himself "If only I had been there the first time Chika had fought. Maybe we could've run. Maybe we could've feigned defeat. Anything so he didnt have to deal with their attention. Any maybe he would still be . . ." He missed his best friend & was worried what would happen to Chika if he keeps going on like this..

Tetsuki was told by the teacher that his mother had an accident & needs surgery. He's waiting anxious in the hospital, hoping for the best, trying to keep the worst case thoughts away . . thats when Chika comes running into the hospital he was worried!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY PERFECTION, I CANT!!! ૮₍ ꒦꒳꒦ ₎ა❤

When Tetsukis dad said to Chika that he heard a lot about him from his wife & thanked him for supporting Tetsuki, he asked about his wounds & if they hurt. . thats when Tetsuki learns the reason, why chika kept his distance from him. He didnt want to involve him or put him in danger. "E-Everything's fine! I'm not hanging out with Tetsuki anymore, nobody's seen us together, nobody knows we're friends or anything. I would never drag him into my problems. Never."

Takaoka-papa is as wonderful as Takaoka-mama, jesus the Takaoka family is a bunch of lovely human beings, help me!!!

BONUS:

WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN WONDERFUL??/Tetsuki is so happy for chika *ugly sobbing deluxe*

I'm so glad that that he had Tetsuki right beside him, i dont wanna imagine what would have happened to Chika without his support & affection.

For me, they have one of the most wonderful & most strongest bond ever. I love their friendship so much, seriously i could probably write an essay about them & would never be able go stop. 🥺❤❤❤

Chika went through so much already, he fought his way through life, suffered, so NOW! Let him finally become happy!

Ufff, i didnt mean to make it THIS long.. but there's so much to say about this manga & the relationships chika made or the persons met.ヾ( இ⌓இ)ﾉﾞ