#its not a bad thing to Want interaction either i think i should add

[qoldenskies]

Thinking about Rise Splinter hate… it always makes me kinda sad. Like YEAH, it wasn’t right the way he treated the boys. But like, Rise is really good at expressing subtle familial dynamics, and one of the big ones for me is the fact that like… there’s always an undercurrent of “It’s complicated” to their interaction with Splinter. IRL, it always pisses me off to see people casting judgments on people’s relationships with their family, because you don’t know!! Yeah, they hurt you, but not everything’s black and white. It’s complicated. Because you love them, and sometimes you get to understand a little bit better why things happened as you get older.

In a matter of smaller importance, hate for him loses so many opportunities in his character… even things that might just be kinda off-handedly mentioned.

He fought for SEVEN years—give me Splinter with chronic pain. Splinter relating to his boys with their neurodivergence—it’s HIS fault they have it!!!

That was seven years of imprisonment, or even simpler, an abusive relationship. What did he learn from that? How did he change? What things are skewed in his worldview?

His childhood! We saw his relationship with his grandfather a bit, but how did Splinter grow into his dream of being a movies star? HIM BEING A MOVIE STAR. He was both a rebellious team and a literal celebrity, this guy probably took empyrean at some point without knowing it, just like. Recreationally or something LMAO.

I maybe just need more of his old man knowledge. Him being so loser-core was a great move by the Rise team, and I could SEE where his story was going—ROBBED. We were ROBBED.

splinter hate is CRAAAAZY when he's such an INTERESTING character who does actually have a lot of obvious depth. like he's goofy and he's objectively flawed as a parent but he does go out of his way to improve himself and LEARN throughout the show, and he does listen and apologize when he knows he's messed up. his issues are so similar to leo's actually, leo's a kid so he's got more leeway to be shitty but idk when people act like its endearing on him and not on splinter. splinter's hilarious free my man

on the other side of the coin i dont really like when people make him a perfect loving parent either,,, i think people going for all kinds of interpretations in order to serve whatever story they need is fine but i do prefer kind of messy parent splinter, i think its kind of sad to see him reduced down to bad or good. he LOVES his boys so dearly and he would NEVER intentionally want to hurt them, but he's quick to cast judgement when he's angered/feels disrespected (evil league of mutants comes to mind, but also in turtle dega nights when donnie first stops the tank) and he's really a lot more inattentive than he should be. but there are REASONS behind this, coming out of an abusive relationship, fighting in bloodsports against his consent for years, you could probably count the whole draxum thing as traumatic (its presented as kind of silly in the show, but considering what it lead to,, its a pivotal moment in the backstory. its one of those things that i reasonably feel can be recontextualized because its so essential) and then dealing with crippling body dysmorphia and being forced into the sewers with no company other than his children,, it really adds up

idk like ,,,, you can still be extremely traumatized and be a horrible parent. in fact trauma can be a direct CAUSE of being a bad parent because that kind of thing influences every facet of your life and if youre unprepared emotionally, yeah. but splinter isn't the kind of person to double down and become more overtly nasty when he feels cornered. if he gets the feeling that his kids are actually upset with him, he backtracks. this is actually kind of a key trait of his, that he does try very hard to correct himself when he messes up. he's communicative and apologetic, and he tries very hard to be that way.

and also this is maybe something that i just have a wider problem with when it comes to the way people interpret things in cartoons at times but splinter's actions in eps like lair games (especially in lair games) and flushed but never forgotten are meant to be like. jokes. its absurdist comedy that's meant to catch you off guard. there are more serious emotional beats in rise you can use but i think when youre adapting this world and characters into a more serious tone you have to keep that kind of thing in mind because some things are meant to be surprising and absurd for the sake of making you laugh. i think the best comparison i can think of is how in musical movies they're not actually singing (in most cases, sometimes the fact that they actually are is played for laughs it depends. but yk what i mean). the joke is that this is kind of a shitty thing he's doing but taking the actions themselves seriously in a vacuum in order to cast shame on a character has always been odd to me. that'd be like calling raph abusive for rolling up the window on mikey's neck in late fee. or calling the teetz murderers because they caused a robot mass suicide that one time. it just doesnt make any sense

[adragonsfriend]

Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!

That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,

It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.

Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.

Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?

"So it's not actually that bad then?"

"You should tell her again."

"Are you sure you explained it right?"

The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!

With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.

And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.

Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.

There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.

The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.

Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.

Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.

And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.

Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal

[fancyfade]

2009 era Damian reading

As I've been doing my 2009 era Damian reading, I'm trying to condense the good stuff and bad stuff, and things I believe are relevant for his character. These are in addition to what I assume is obvious (Batman and Robin 2009, the comic where he has a starring role).

Battle for the Cowl: this has how Damian becomes Robin. It's not necessarily good. Daniels really does not understand Damian, especially this early in his writing, but it does have some important context for things going down b/c Damian helps Squire save Tim's life, and we can see Dick viewing training Damian as something he is responsible for.

Secret Origins (2014) #4: This is a much more in character Damian becoming Robin, though fit for a condensed new 52 timeline that leaves some stuff out (like Damian's rocky intro with Bruce).

Batman #688 (Long Shadows part 1): Winick seems one of the early writers who does a Damian as he lines up with later characterization (views himself more as a professional assassin), so I think this one's good.

Batman: streets of Gotham #1-6: damian makes some minor appearances here.

Batgirl #5-7: Always take Damian's guest-starring stuff with a grain of salt, as often times writers just go with "how would an obnoxious 10 year old boy act here" without understanding he's a specific kind of obnoxious 10 year old boy... that said I do like some of his interactions with Steph, and I think it's incredibly important that we see Damian defends his competence based on his training, not on his blood.

Like he'll sometimes justify why he belongs based on his blood (which like... no one acts like they want him around), but he isn't going around saying "I'm better than you b/c I'm batman's son". he was trained intensely since birth (and that's why he should say he's better than you :P)

Batman #692-697: not a ton of Damian in this, and it is Daniel's writing, but he's a little better than he was in Battle for the Cowl. We see Dick training Damian some.

Batman: Streets of Gotham #7, #10-#11: love this plotline for him. Good show of competence and characterization.

Blackest night: batman: More focused on Tim and Dick, and Tomasi sucks at writing Babs, but at there is some Damian content that I remember enjoying.

Red Robin #11-15: as long as you read this one with your brain turned on, it's good for explaining some Tim and Damian stuff. Sadly some fans are like "woooo arrogant 10 year old gets beat up". Nicieza makes some missteps (frames Tim's thinking around Damian as coldly logical, when it is anything but and he is reacting from a place of emotion), but one can ignore those.

Batman #703: shows Damian's character pretty well in a default Batman and Robin adventure, and his relationship (or lackthereof) with Bruce and his dynamic with Dick and Alfred

Teen Titans #88-92 (including Red Robin #20 in a crossover plot): surprised by how well I liked this one. I think it portrays Damian pretty fairly, and we can see that he is trying hard, but hasn't been given a lot of support up until now (or even now, Dick kind of just drops him off with a bunch of older kids who all also have issues and are predisposed to disliking him XD). His dynamic with rose is fun and I think it is notable how quickly he does acquiesce to following Cassie's orders when she's like (at first) the only Teen Titan who is OK with him being there and assures him its not personal when she makes a comment he doesn't like.

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home: Batman and Robin: Has some nice Dick and Damian banter, showcases how they've worked together well

Batgirl #17: more damian and steph interactions.

I will probably add more (either editing this post or in a reblog) as I keep reading.

[kel-lance]

JJK Mafia Au (JJK x Reader) PART 4

(quick chapter//moving plot)

Warnings:

- TW: Dead dove dont read (DDDR) Minors do not interact (MDNI): SA, Physical Assault, DubCon, NonCon, Mindbreak, Public Humiliation, Breeding, Ownership, Gaslighting, Multiple manipulation, RWORD, PTSD, a lot more toxic sh.

Premise:

Reader lives in a city where the two biggest gangs keep things line until the third gang showed up. That had nothing to do with you though, until dumb luck just happened to favor you one day. Basically You’re picked up and used by every dangerous criminal within the clans due to some alliances they had to create due to some members messing up the previous alliances. ((Almost everyone’s gonna have a turn 🤗)) ( i have 12 chapters planned out right now meaning after i write those ill still be writing more.)

___________________________________________________________

AN: Sorry for the long update i'm trying not to get evicted bc i was fired a while ago bc of a protest (surprise surprise big companies don't like or care about palestine or other places like it.) but i had to give away my cats and am still struggling i have my socials in my masterpost if you could help if not its okay ily, I hope you like it

____________________________________________________________

After the three took a break from you, Sukuna pushed Yuuji towards you. Todo just follows along, trying to make sure Sukuna doesn't kill Yuuji as they just don't know what Sukuna could be thinking at times like these.

You lay a top the bed, sheets strayed, your hair messy, your whole body sweaty and broken, you entirely were weak, and Yuuji couldn't stop saying sorry to your fucked out face. "Let's see what you got."

You didn't feel anything for a few minutes until Todo broke the silence. "You've got to do something, brother, you know I'll back you up."

Yuuji just continued to stand there. If he were to fight Sukuna with Todo on his back, he wouldn't know who else would fight with them. Todo would lose everything he already has and would blindly die for him, which he would never ask for. But if he were to go through with fucking you again for Sukuna's enjoyment, Todo would also have to add himself into the situation. This double edged sword was going to stab him either way, but which would hurt you less?

"Don't take too long..." The leader made motion that he was going to start walking towards you two. "NO." Yuuji covered you on the bed, staring off back at his older brother. Todo comes behind Yuuji, putting a hand on his shoulder before giving him a look, and sighing understandingly as he stripped off his shirt.

Todo and Yuuji's was almost awfully awkward at first. They just felt bad, not being able to tell if you were even conscious anymore and continuing to do to you what they were doing.

Really they weren’t allowed to stop until Sukuna was satisfied. Until Yuuji was sobbing, begging him to give you and everyone else a rest. He was asking what would it take to stop this?

The older brother taunts, “Maybe we’ll keep her til she births one of our children, or multiple if she can create sufficient and strong offspring. I don’t know, Yuuji, should I start a farm because of you? I heard the Zenin clan is somewhat similar…”

“Please, please, Sukuna what do you want?” He was breathless. “This has to stop, you can’t-.”

He stops his younger brother, “I have, I did, and I can continue this for as long as you both live. I think that may be the conclusion I’ll come to, don’t you think it would be fun to be an uncle?” His big hands caress your stomach, feigning tenderness to his soon to be child or “sibling’s” child.

- You go back to your room where you stay in for a week.

- A random night, someone breaks in and tries to kidnap you and you didn’t know who it was, obviously you weren’t going with them without an explanation.

-That caused you to fight back as your dealing with everything so far, you were getting pissed being treated like a doll. The person who broke in gets captured, just before he says “Yuuji’s waiting outside, trust me.”

- Sukuna's family come in trying to make sense of the situation and the others had captured the mystery guy

- That's not before he throws you to two female ninjas. They secure you quickly and run back to their master Toji.

- their clan/gang is super powerful, the twins you can guess are Maki and Mai, and Sukuna (the new head of one of the three big families that control the large part of the area, the head of the Kamo gang) had just kidnapped their son, even if he did happen to barge in.

- Megumi’s been friends w Yuuji since they were kids but they never shared that.

- they met bc they were fighting bc yuuji was taught to fight ppl who give them looks (Sukuna wanted him to protect the family name no matter what, and megumi just had that face… and when they realized that they were part of the other side they had to come to extremes before realizing they were different from their families.

- they knocked each other out senseless and somehow one was still alive, megumi sat with yuuji while he regained consciousness and they started to talk more. Battered and bloodied but Yuuji finding the humor in it while Megumi thinks enough to like his character and realizes he’s just a big strong idiot.

- Maki and Mai are close, as sisters should be and they both have their loves (nobara and momo) and we all have to go team up with the gojo clan in order to make sure this trade off is safe and megumi and yuuji aren’t dead

- because now yuuji is with you at the toji clan too, it was supposed to be just you getting captured and then yuuji leaves to live his own life but now he’s in front of toji saying it was his fault that megumi’s now with his brother (sukuna)

- Yuuji explains that he and his son were friends since childhood, he says everything and everyone's on edge bc toji does what he wants, whenever, whatever, really anything for money.

- He says he knows he doesn’t have money, but the only thing he does have was something they both risked their lives for, so toji gets curious and wants to try you out.

- Toji fucks you senseless, making you think the train ran on you were more merciful. He was trying every hole, every position, just dressing you up and doing whatever he could with you, you were actually at your limit with him, enough to bring you back enough to start fighting again. You were getting sick of it, actually you think you were getting sick.

His inconsideration was on par with Sukuna's, though Sukuna cared more about his new objects while Toji wants them to know their place and to leave when he tells them to. He had to know why they would do all that for you//how did you survive so long in that clan he just has to see how durable you are and he’s LOVING IT.

- He asks you what you’ve been through and you don’t respond so he hits you again and again but you don’t cry so he does it AGAIN and you flinch enough to stop him, and start taking off his pants. His only response was "e’s like "Oh so they already trained you."

- You suck his dick and he pulls you up to kiss him, by your neck and places you on his dick and fucks you in the air, using gravity to its full advantage, that was the start of it all before the days of relentless attention and use, you were more sore than any of them have put you in. The hitting, cuts, just the amount of violence he's integrated into your sessions felt like training again, but worse.

- He’s wondering if he could keep you as his slut but remembered that it would be stupid to start a war when his kid couldn’t keep it in his pants. He blames Megumi for having a cold heart compared to his father's icy one.

- Toji makes up his mind to help and plans to betray/kill the sukuna clan when they get megumi back bc he doesn’t care but doesn’t say that.

-He plans a meeting with the other clan the top three have been fighting over the position of this location for years and now and ofc they’re all on edge.

- Gojo comes to the meeting with his clan, they’re not worried bc they know some of their clan can befriend some of the others involved. No ones been dead so they have some sort of unspoken treaty to leave each other alone but they never asked much from the other ever.

- Gojo settles down with his group, smug and tired bc everyone needs them to fix other peoples' problems for them. The community relied on the Gojo Clan to protect them when they also work with the Kamo and Zenin gangs, the people outside are just as gullible. He sits down and asks what could big ol Toji need from him,

- “It’s Megumi”

- Gojo drops his smile. Their other unspoken alliance was when Megumi was beaten up at a really young age bc of his status and itadori happened to be there too (same elementary school). Gojo beats the fuck out of the people who targeted the kids/second to heir the clans, and left, but Megumi finds him and asks why would he help them.

- Gojo said he can’t have his competition get angry, his people are at stake. (referencing to the shifting power in-between the gangs that they didn't know about yet, and that his person was leaving his clan to join the other, he didn't know why he was doing anything anymore at that point but he couldn't let more powerless powerful children get hated on.) Megumi says thank you and takes Itadori back near his gang before disappearing back to his clan.

- Gojo actually has been in contact with his friend who's joined the other clan. That's how he knows what's usually going on with them to keep them rangled up and behaving as much as they could to not cause trouble or cause attention to groups like theirs.

Gojo and Geto were very young when they met, and since their lives were everything but normal, they were given the chance to take in more young bodies to add to their clan. They raised them together, but geto left.

Gojo begged for days for him to reconsider, they day he left he was inconsolable, especially since he took the twins too. Geto couldn't separate the girls, but he could separate himself from Gojo, in his head it's to help Gojo in the future because of the power he'll have.

Gojo didn't care about that, he didn't want help he just wanted Geto. That was all he needed, he had decided. He could have ruled the world and done it confidently if he had Geto by his side, but things don't go through when you're young, and now you're about to catch as many years he hadn't been able to get out.

- He's not nice at all when you're under his care. With Geto leaving at a critical age in learning, his feelings had been all over the place. He was completely disordered, his goals and morals and everything went awry, with the years he couldn't get himself out of the timestamp of when he knew happiness.

- So he asks you about Geto, his best friend, the only one that could make him feel real again. The one person who didn't do things for him because of his name and status, and yet left with the excuse of protecting Gojo from future evil. It was enough to drive the strongest insane.

- He asks you everything by torture, not too physical that anyone can see. WHen trading you back you should at least look and act like you're in the same condition, if not better than what you were when they traded you off. Just anything that Toji didn't already give you, Gojo would have mindless enjoyment from digging his fingers into the fatter parts of your belly, legs, and forearms.

- He’s only doing this to see Geto again. He just wants to pass the time until he can finally feel good again. He's strong, he's smart, he's beautiful, when would life be good to him instead of him making everyone else's lives better just by being there. It made him coky, it made him secretly weak willed to his own desires, so his processing was different than most.

- He asks u what he looked like and everything about him while fucking you. it was the closest he’s got rn. "I don't know's" made him reel back more, his strikes becoming almost boneshaking and shattering. He was making Toji seem gentle. Now that something he cares about is just a memory away, he just couldn't stop himself.

-You were so close to him, even if you never spoke to him, even if you never saw him in the maybe month you were staying at the Pink haired clan. But his aura seemed to have darkened when you mentioned twins. There were just so many either of you could have known but it just seemed to rile him up more. Seriously you would need a doctor and healing time after this. You couldn't let that happen again.

-There was nothing else to take from it, it was a hell you would only wish for the person already committing it. It made you miss the tenderness of Sukuna and the warmth of Toji, it didn't matter what they did or how you got there, anything sounded better than Gojo being without his favorite things. And you were barely part of it.

[elainsgirl]

You get the best anons, seriously. I love reading all the elriel rants. And that feysand anon, so wholesome. I'm so happy you exist because sometimes it can be terrifying to post your thoughts openly in this fandom. But they can still be valid thoughts. So thank you for allowing people to share them anonymously. I know no one owes anyone that, and that it can probably get a little overwhelming to be the reciever of all our elriel rants. I think I speak for many of us when I say that we appreciate you.

I do, don’t I? I love all the elriel asks I get. Its nice to hear someone else’s thoughts/opinions and add onto it, creating a nice discussion. I love when asks go together and we’re all sharing the same feelings on elriel. I also love getting elriel rants because I know how isolating and toxic this fandom can be. I think everyone should always have someone or a group to go to where you can just vent all you want. If not, resentment builds up and makes your fandom experience so terrible and draining. Maybe you’re part of an elriel group chat, discord, space. Or maybe its just certain accounts you go to, to let out your frustrations and talk it out. Having a space where you can let it all out it’s important, I’m so happy if people consider my account a safe place to vent too.

And you’re completely right, it can be terrifying to post your thoughts openly where anyone can mock them, doing it anonymously gives that sense of safety and security that you can speak your mind without afraid of receiving backlash from antis.

I think it’s overwhelming when antis enter the inbox and spam with their usual bs or make fun of me. I remember the first time I received so many antis in my inboxes insulting me, I have rlly bad anxiety so to see so much hate triggered it and I remember reading each one with shaky hands and tears in my eyes. I considered closing off my asks and deleting my account but then when I refreshed, I saw one elriel ask and whilst answering that, and just getting to talk about elriel, it made the whole thing better. I also remember the first time I got sent troll asks which I thought where genuine asks, I was answering them and it wasn’t until a rlly nice elriel reached out and told me they were troll asks that I stopped and thankfully since I wasn’t giving them attention, they eventually stopped cominh into my inbox and the ones that still do - I either delete or if im bored answer mockingly.

but aside from all that, I love waking up in the mornings to see all the lovely asks/rants I get sent. Its one of the things I look forward too, Thank you anon for sending such a lovely ask, I truly appreciate it and all the elriels that send their thoughts & interact w me 💞

Ps: I do apologise to those who send asks and I take time answering them, sometimes they’re in my drafts and I forget to post and other times I need to find time to answer them thoroughly, time I barely have 😭

[brucewaynehater101]

"If it's closer to fanon Tim, he would feel guilty for Jason. Closer to canon Tim would either be indifferent to Jason's troubles or he'd feel glad (maybe even a little spiteful) that Jason is facing the consequences of his actions. He would, however, feel guilty for how the revelation affects the street kids."

I have to say I disagree with this. Firstly; with the whole post you're framing this as though Jason beat up a child... which like, true, but also Jason is hardly two years older than Tim. I know comics make him seem aged up, but its simply not the case. (dont @ me if u know this cuz u probably do know this already)

Secondly, Canon Tim.... doesn't hate Jason?? Like, really not at all. If there is any dislike, I'd see it as when Jason is acting particularly villainous, he treats him like any other rogue. Though they don't necessarily interact a lot when Jason is in his villain moments. It's other bats who take care of that, so there's really no beef there.

When Jason isn't having an evil moment, honestly a good word for what Tim feels for him is either pity at worst, admiration at best. With the admiration, I'm not talking about Tim liking him as Robin 'cause that's honestly pretty fanon, I'm talking about how Tim admires his tenacity and determination to keep going even when he feels like everyone is against him. And Tim wants to support him! He sees Jason struggling a lot and wishes Jason would accept help- hence the pity.

I sincerely doubt that Tim would ever feel glad or spiteful towards Jason. He's gotten him back for the whole 'beating the shit out of him' thing. Which really, wasn't really about Tim? Plus its far in the past at this point.

Not to mention Tim is one hell of a badass, he doesn't wallow in self-pity, and I don't think he'd want to interfere with RH's stuff and would probably stop the information leak himself, or even deny the rumors with something like "Oh that? It was just a disagreement/misunderstanding lol the rumors got out of hand,"

Sorry if this was too much, I like ur blog and the things u say, this one just felt really misinformed.

Thank you for letting me know. Reading the post back, I can see how I worded it wrong. I appreciate you giving me the chance to correct that and clarify.

Yes, Jason and Tim are close in age. However, Jason's age (as far as I'm aware) isn't known to civilians. Because of his helmet and bulkiness, a kid would view Jason as an Adult. If they knew his age and then the fight with Robin, that would probably be an acceptable level of violence for them. That's just two kids beating each other up, then. From their perspective, though, Robin is a Kid and Jason is an Adult. A possible solution to gain back their trust could be to disclose how old they were at the time (they might not even need to disclose any details or reasoning with that).

Later in canon, Jason and Tim start getting along. If the reveal happened at that point, Tim would not feel gleeful and spiteful. He'd feel bad for Jason. That is entirely my bad for not making that distinction.

Tim is, undeniably, an asshole at times. He wants to do good, tries to help people, and overall is kind. He's badass and I love him, but he can be an asshole (particularly to Steph). He, especially his inner dialog, sometimes makes asshole comments. This includes Jason. To add on, when Jason was beating him up and demanding Tim to answer if he thought he was good (skill wise), Tim answered yes twice. To me, this seems like a petty/spiteful response. That or Tim is just being honest af about his feelings, not giving a shit he's taking a beating.

However, Tim would not hold this grudge against Jason. One of his better qualities is to not hold grudges against most people (even those that he arguably should). It's why some villains/rogues/enemies become his allies or end up becoming fond of him.

Tim may feel glad that Jason is experiencing the consequences of his actions, but not for himself. This would be during his time as Robin exclusively. Red Robin would not feel this way.

Spiteful, though, was the wrong word to use. Tim, as the loveable asshole that he can sometimes be, might be sort of happy that Jason, in his villain era, is being shown the effects of his actions and possible wrongs in his ways. Happy also seems to not match, but the emotions wheel isn't really giving me an alternative.

Tim would, despite his feelings, hate the effect of this on everyone. The street kids, Jason, and the batfam would be negatively impacted by this, and Tim would try everything he could to stop or mitigate the outcomes. He would never release this information willingly nor stand aside to let it happen. Robin may internally say some shit about Jason and the situation if it blew up in their faces, but you're right that he wouldn't purposefully make shit worse. He would actively work to fix the entire mess.

I really am thankful that you helped me articulate this.

It's 100% my bad that I dropped the ball so hard. If y'all see me fuck up like that again, feel free to let me know. As long as you're not mean about it, I appreciate constructive criticism.

Imma edit the previous post this is about and link it to this one so that I fix the mischaracterization

[beatcroc]

turns out i have to make an unnecessarily wordy thoughtspost about doombox too bc there is nothing about this character that isn't fucking ridiculous and also really funny and i'm kind of really obsessed with all of it. ordinarily i would just start firing but in this case I need to just. paste his bio and then go through it step by step because every phrase here is absurd when looking at how he's handled along with the other characters and the world as a whole. here we go

first sidenote: i should also add 'nonsensical' to the list of descriptors up there, because this is a fighting game and no doubt has the typical Bad Fighting Game Writing at play that doesn't really hold up when put under scrutiny as i'm about to, but understand that this is something i've come to love about the genre and its typically batshit lore, and it further enhances the experience for me. it's all utter nonsense and its my favorite shit ever.

the biggest thing to me that makes his entire shtick ridiculous is that he was explicitly made to be a weapon. like his express purpose is destruction and/or killing people, and he certainly has the disposition to be doing that. except that he is not doing that. he's out there playing Ball Game, evidently of his own volition.

i feel it is also important to highlight that he was not originally or intentionally a boombox; he just kinda lives in there. his own bio frames it as happenstance, but sonata's dlc skin lore** implies he isn't permanently stuck in there and can kinda just hop out and take control of whatever he wants whenever he wants. there is an entire goddamn tank just sitting there in the background of one of these stages. he is a weapon. there is heavy artillery readily available to him that he could be commanding if he wanted to, but he's not doing that either. he is still a boombox. i think he likes it in there. *there's an argument to be made that maybe he's not powerful enough to control something that large, or maybe just that switching hosts is really tiring or risky. im just saying though there's like a bajillion host devices better suited for A Fucking Weapon than a boombox, but he seems really committed to this for some reason. while im here btw it's fucking terrifying that he apparently can possess thing that are Not tech as well **as a side note from that the specific mention of her boomhammer is interesting. i don't think it's an intentional implication but i enjoy the idea he has an affinity for sound-based devices; i like to think the boombox left an impression on him with its being the initial thing he possessed and got used to

and then there is the berserking. the 'rampaging', as it is otherwise called. not exactly strange on its own given his temperament and designation, but strange for the way it's characterized as only a tendency. it's only that he's prone to rampaging. he rampages often, but not all the time. just often! what is he doing he is not rampaging? getting a custom trimmed jacket with his own logo emblazoned on it? like a nerd? and on the flipside, what exactly do these rampages even entail? because it's apparently not anything destructive or disruptive enough for anyone to care about stopping him under normal circumstances.

like how are you a giant angry "not exactly stable" weapon of a guy and everyone's like 'yeah that's fine. that's our doombox!' toxic's specific wording regarding his getting unfucked postgame is "back to his old raging self", which implies to me there's almost a certain fondness, or at least amusement, at his being like this. i know one of the core themes of lethal league is letting these oddball misfit dudes do their thing and freely be who they are, but like. is doombox sincerely just not a threat for that? like really? dice's interactions also sort of imply that his actually trying to kill someone is really out of the ordinary for him so truly like. db my man what ARE you doing out there. * re: toxic and dice's talking about him; i do also find it amusing that one of his defining traits is just being pissed off all the time. again, not surprising given his purpose/designation as a weapon, but funny in that it's like. how he's KNOWN; in the sense that it is immediately noticeable and a cause for concern for other characters to see he is Not angry. fuckin social barometer of a guy. local angry guy isn't angry, something's wrong.

the "reasons for playing in the league unknown" bit also strikes me as a little odd even though it REALLY shouldn't. i'm like 97% sure it's just written like that to make him seems mysterious and unpredictable and dangerous, but it's a weird thing to call attention to when you consider that...less than half of the other characters' reasons are known? raptor is there trying to get info on his dad, that one's well out there. dust & ashes i think have some kind of implied reason for being there as well but it of course isn't elaborated on, and grid is like trying to impress "the youth" and establish a profile or something. nitro seems like he might not actually be IN the league as an official competitor? it's just helpful for him to know how to ball for the situations he gets into with his investigations. everybody else's "reason" pretty much seems like they're just out there to have fun. and toxic says as much in the story mode intro! the game was developed for people to escape the monotonies of shine city! so to imply doombox has a separate, non-recreational reason for being here is weird. the easiest read on it for me is just that he was drawn to it cause it's intense and destructive but at the same time.... if all he wants is an excuse to wreck shit....why are you competing in a structured sports game with rules and shit my dude. you are a weapon. just go attack people. except that we've established that he doesnt really do that. so. once again. what IS he doing out here

----

aside from the bio though, there's of course random little tidbits of characterization throughout the game itself and they are all also likewise ridiculous.

he refers to himself in third person, which is always an amusing choice for a character in general. it carries with it a certain sense of ego, an awareness of and and pride in one's presence and gravitas. this was mostly just surprising to me bc before i started looking at everything, i'd assumed he was more or less mindless and, yknow, robotic; without much personality/reason for being there beyond being the Biggest Baddest Best At Ball Game Guy doombox is already very imposing, so this is frankly a well-earned sense of pride for him to have.....but it still doubles back to being funny again because, as i've established above, he could stand to be a hell of a lot scarier! but he doesn't seem to notice or care that there are many readily-available options for becoming more powerful and/or establishing himself as unquestionable top dog. so instead he is a boombox. third-person is also often used for characters who are a little dumb, and i think this applies to doombox as well. he is a weapon, and clearly a brute-force-over-precision type of weapon at that, he doesnt need smarts. i think this is also sort of hinted at with his voice lines; where the other characters have some kind of snarky phrase or one-liner for their kill/score voice line, doombox just goes "bye-bye". Which is still appropriately Disrespectful, but it's also very, uh... simple. again i just think there are... more imposing things a guy like him could be saying there, but i guess he hasn't got anything more than fucking. bye-bye.

anyways the ego thing i think is well-echoed by his stupid fucking jacket. none of the other characters have their logo as part of their design and i'm pretty sure the rest of the symbols are just game abstractions and don't exist in-universe, but like. doombox is just going around wearing a jersey with his own damn face on it. ok. to be clear i love his jacket but it is literally so silly for him to have that. imagine being the guy having to custom-fit a fucking boombox. did db pay for it? how? we're getting into unproductive territory here but you could ask a million questions about that jacket and they all have hysterical implications. while im on the topic of designs i'd also like to say that while i don't count any of the other blaze redesigns as "canon" like actual events the characters went through between games [like raptor in particular would have already had to have the stitches since that's his backstory, it's just they weren't a design point before], doombox is in a weird spot since the first game's design for him was very specifically referencing its HUD in a meta way for his flavor and that was pretty much the entire extent of his flavor; while in blaze he and the HUD are very much separate distinct things with their own flavor. there's more to talk about here later but as it pertains to design what im saying is i think he just went out and found a better and cooler boombox to be in between games. and also got a funny jacket. *actually i have no idea if there's even a Timeline here. the gut vibe i had been running on was that blaze happens a couple years after the original, but looking at it now that doesn't seem right. does blaze Replace the timeline of the first game? are there even Events in the first game to count as a timeline? do they run concurrently?

alright anyway the last point here is the 3rd-person thing is even moreso interesting to me though bc i was under the assumption that 'doombox' was something akin to a codename he was given when other people saw this big fucking Thang rampaging through the streets. but seeing as 1. he's definitely aware of it, and 2. not even the damn scientists who made him knew he was in a boombox [as implied in his dlc skin lore], i'm led to believe he came up with the name himself. the fucking tape in his cassette player does just say 'doom' on it so i am choosing to believe that's either where he got the name, or that he put that on there himself.

MOVING on, another really good thing is that he does this

i just think it's funny he's continuing to use the thing as an actual boombox; i feel like that isn't something he necessarily Has to do. obviously he's susceptible to certain quirks and limitations of being a boombox re: mind control tape, but i don't think that means he has to play out its every function. i think he's doing that on purpose and i am filing it under "he likes it in there". hes listening to his jams.

also on a similar note,

this is also not important and i realize it's mostly just a quirky videogamey way to get around saying the robot kinda character is "asleep", but i do enjoy the implication that shine city's biggest terror is like out there running on 4 D-cells.

also i'm making this guy out to be a city street menace, and the vibe i had assumed for him before was like, a random encounter in the back alleys that you super do not want to run into; but his associated stage/hangout seems to be the desert/scrapyard? which i don't really have anything interesting to say to that, but it's definitely a different vibe for his character if he typically hangs out in more desolate areas.

---

i think maybe the most baffling thing doombox has going on is the apparent "rivalry" with dice. this is also bizzare from dice's side of things. what the fuck does it even mean to be "rivals" with doombox? what are they competing for? what kind of things does dice get up to that doombox would even give a shit about in the first place, let alone to be considered a rival in? i mean, like, the league, probably, but why dice specifically, out of everyone? would doombox's league rival not just be whoever's the [second] strongest there? i believe dice when he says they're evenly-matched, but there isn't really anything that implies dice is of particularly high prestige within the league so it feels like he shouldn't hold much interest as a target. to be fair dice doesn't seem like the type that would care about prestige, but again, if he's not out there flaunting his shit or trying to claim he's the best or whatever, why does db care? this would be a lot easier to understand if it was a one-sided thing on doombox's part like okay maybe dice pissed him off one day and he's still mad about it. whatever. that's the vibe they go for in story mode, but then there's dice's dlc skin description, which seems to run entirely counter to that and has dice as the aggressor:

when deprived of his usual sense and restraint, dice's first thought is I Gotta Go Fuckin Kill Doombox? even if he's over it under normal circumstances, it's clear both of them have some deeper-rooted beef in this exchange. there is yet another layer to this in that doombox is, weirdly enough, not really shown to be the kind of guy that's interested in revenge. again, going back to his own dlc description, he- and i quote- "couldn't care less" about the guys who made him capturing him and chaining him up. his only interest there is breaking out and getting back to doing his thing. if you want to be really generous, you could also read this vibe from the story mode epilogue: doombox was not the one hunting down the safety league, that was nitro. doombox was simply, as stated before "back to his old raging self". both of these to say, he simply does not seem to give a shit about people who have directly wronged him and only wants to Do His Thing. so. once again. what the fuck is going on with dice that they both have lasting beef here. i truly cannot fathom what either of them did to be so mad specifically at eachother. this rivalry is something they reference a LOT too like it's a big deal in-universe, or something otherwise really important to portray. like

lore so strong you gotta put it on an achievement!!!!! really!!!!! and there are no details whatsoever about this????? * while i'm here i'd just like to say have more questions about dice than fucking anything else in this game. sadly there's practically nothing to intuit from the game about any of his situations so i don't have much for coherent thoughts to post on him, but my god. what the fuck, dice. this rivalry is arguably the single strangest thing doombox has going on but it doesn't even break top 5 weird things about dice.

anyways, the final section and MOST interesting thing to me in all this is that, coming out of the first game, i was really under the impression that doombox is just the arbitrary final boss monster you gotta kill; no real purpose or personality his own to speak of, and most importantly just synonymous with the game itself and its aesthetics re: mirroring the HUD design. he certainly still holds the role of big scary final boss monster in blaze too, but blaze 1. has him much more fleshed-out as his own Guy, and more importantly, 2. doesn't really consider him a Problem like your typical big angry final boss monster. or at least not moreso than anything else going on in the game. he's not a threat to be eliminated, he's respected as a character and as a competitor in the league; and more than that he just seems to be... liked? as in, liked by other people in-universe? and he's liked enough that they'll readily help him out so he can keep doing his thing? i do think latch fixed him up postgame mostly bc he felt bad about being the one responsible for getting db brainwashed in the first place but like. the game could have just as easily gone "and then doombox was defeated yay" and left it at that. instead, they seem to have a vested interest in keeping him around. most transparently this is likely just a "we can't get rid of any of the playable characters or else story mode would be noncanon", BUT the point of this post is trying to read cohesive narrative sense into places there probably isn't any, and my read here is that doombox is a sort of inadvertent guardian of the league. for 1, he does still very much embody a lot of what the game [both The Videogame and the league itself] is about, but more importantly i think his presence is just really good at keeping a lot of the more minor threats at bay. if you try to fuck with the league, you will eventually be squaring off with doombox, most likely having freshly pissed him off in the process, and i can't imagine that goes well for who or whatever is in that situation. there's probably not much that wants to stand up to him by himself, and there's even less that can challenge the league as a whole unit; he's really just a good guy to have on your side like in general when you are running an illegal sports operation. i think at Worst toxic might see him as the league's funny little mascot but realistically i think she has more respect for him than that. either way i don't think he's going to care and it doesn't affect him much regardless. for this, doombox simply gets to keep doing his thing, whatever the fuck that may be. there are certainly still forces beyond his control at play here [as demonstrated in story mode by the safety league], and when these come into play, the league in turn looks out for him and keeps him on top of his game. i'm not sure if he has the, uh.... kind of cognitive ability that he could be grateful for this, but if nothing else, we know he seems to enjoy playing in the league, so he probably at least recognizes that he's not going to meet a lot of resistance in it and/or that it's a good environment to keep doing as he pleases. i don't mean for this all to sound so transactional, but it's hard to say whether he has much charisma in-universe for people to want him around for more "legitimate" reasons. likewise, there's also still a lot up in the air on how like... sapient doombox actually is. whether he can have complex motivations about anything or if he has some concept of "having friends" or if he can experience emotions besides rage; i tend to lean to "no" on those because i am really trying my damndest not to woobify this guy, but ultimately i don't think it matters much; in the end, he and the league are still mutually beneficial for eachother, and they still enjoy having the other around. and i think that's pretty cool :)

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 21

I'm going to guess the title image is Chilchuck's workshop at his house.

And there are some dolls under the table.

After finally dealing with the undine, the party makes their way to the fifth floor and now have to deal with a winding staircase full of tentacles.

Either the orcs had to just power through all the tentacles or they have thick skins and/or thick clothing to deal with the tentacle stings.

I'm more interested in how they got through the water in the fourth floor. They managed to build a small settlement so they likely had brought tools and supplies with them when they fled their village. Either someone in the orc tribe can cast waterwalk, they brought a boat or the materials to make one, or they just had to swim.

I guess tentacles are actually more like anemones than jellyfish. They're interacting with the trap crevices as if it were a coral reef.

That bit about how they can grow on mimics reminds me of the boxer crab which places small anemones on its claws so it can use their stinging tentacles to hunt prey. Maybe some mimics do something similar.

Marcille has a new hair-do.

I don't think there's anything bad about Laios's idea. We've domesticated tons of plants to be harmless and decorative. Most of the plants we grow for food are the results of centuries of selective breeding.

Kensuke is trembling in every shot he's in. It's probably because of all the tentacles in the area, but I am worried if he feels the sting from the tentacles when Laios cuts them.

Those giant frogs are kinda smart. They observed how the party fought and focused on disabling them before attacking. The frog that grabbed Kensuke likely observed that Laios was using him to cut the tentacles.

Although they're not too smart because they didn't realize that Marcille's staff and Senshi's axe might be similarly dangerous until after they'd managed to kill another frog with them.

Ambrosia is the food of the gods in Greek mythology. It's subtle, but Marcille is a bit of a foodie which is probably a big reason why she's been so frustrated about eating monsters. Makes sense that she'd name her staff after a mythical food item.

That ended up being a really close call for Chilchuck. The party is already trying to rescue one party member from the belly of a beast. They don't need to have a second party member in that scenario.

Chilchuck nearly suffocated inside the frog.

The frog hides have the damage caused to them. Marcille blew one of their heads off, while Senshi sliced one of their heads open.

It took me a second to realize that Senshi was doing something else entirely. I was still thinking they were all making frog suits.

The page of Laios and Chilchuck making suits and the page of Senshi making gnocchi are side-by-side in book format. It adds a little to the whole "They're both making weird things at the same time" feel that Marcille had.

Senshi took off his wrist covering when kneading the dough but put it back on after. Guess he doesn't want to get fur in it. If he's that concerned, he should probably wear a beard-net when cooking.

Love how Chilchuck's outfit is just a sack with legs. They only killed three frogs so they had to sow something up out of whatever parts weren't used.

Also, Laios's outfit is made from the frog that Senshi killed, Senshi's is made from the one Marcille killed, and Marcille's is made from the one Chilchuck killed.

Chilchuck's being real careful with his steps since he's just a little sack with legs. The party had to tie his backpack to him since he doesn't have use of his arms.

The frog suits managed to protect the party from the tentacle stings, but now they're coated in frog blood because Laios wasn't able to tan their hides properly. I would assume a properly tanned frog skin wouldn't be good at protecting them against against tentacles because what probably keeps the frogs safe is a mucus layer over their skin, kinda like what clownfish use to keep safe from anemones. If the skins were properly dried, then the mucus layer would dry out too.

I don't think Marcille has anything to worry about. Falin would probably adore seeing her in a frog suit.

SENSHI FLASH!!

back

[badgalsasuke]

kinda wanna have a long rant here cause it feels cathartic so i hope you don't mind. ignore this if you feel annoyed. may be a bit controversial.

i think twitter sns are mainly vain and shallow. tiktok sns barely read the manga. tumblr sns have all the smart meta blogs but there are also a lot of the edgy wannabe communists who annoyed me too much sometimes especially since naruto (the character) is my og fave all the way since i was a kid so i take offense in the way he's constantly bashed around these circles. like yes i get it he grow up to be a bootlicker he's a neoliberal all of this is bad etc etc and all of the criticism of these are warranted but sometimes its just too much that idgaf sorry.

before the fake wokes get all fired up i'm literally from a SEA country that was colonized by japan and my country had a history of violent persecution where over 1 million of its revolutionary left party members were hunted down, imprisoned, and killed. i myself used to be active in researches concerning preserving history of these but anyways. the point is i know these things are serious but at the end of the day naruto is fiction? sure it'd be great if there was a proper politically correct resolution for all the bad things that happen in the show, centering justice and retribution etc etc but at the end of the day the story kishi wants to tell is not that. he's a liberal pacifist and assimilationist whose core value in his manga are all about peace forgiveness cooperation etc etc. naruto's character is deeply intertwined with this since he's the MC and supposed to be the voice of reason so i can see why some people might get fed up what with his constant preaching in his talk no jutsus and all. i personally liked him because of his personal ability to empathize and make bonds in spite of his loneliness but anyways thats also beside the point.

i just think that these fans who are super pissed that things didn't go the way they want should find other media that centers more on those justice themes they like so much, like idk, maybe death note or aot. i don't read any other manga.

most of these stans always being negative and complaining every damn day about everything, insulting everything about the media they claim to hate yet STILL having a fan account dedicated to it where they just hate on it all the time is so 💀💀. like, i consider myself a leftist as well and when i want to enjoy a good communist media I'd watch soviet films from the 60s and not obsessively latching on to a shounen manga written by a liberal and then gets pissed when the author doesn't share the same values as me.

i became obsessed with naruto because the writing of the batshit insane deranged toxic doomed homoerotic twin-flame-like relation was GOOD between sns and that's what i'm here for. but i think the polemic and polarization of this massive fandom is just too much for me. i don't know how you deal with it being in this fandom for so long. I've only peeked around for about a month and i'm already fed up. i used to not really interact with popular mainstream media exactly for this reason. no matter how i see it it's true that many of the Sasuke/Uchiha centric sns fans in here does lowkey hate naruto and are mutuals with naruto antis and it just gave me the final kick to not want to interact much with all of these crowd sorry. the ship still 10/10 and will always be top tier tho.

Hey anon!

I really have nothing to add other than I don’t like Twitter and TikTok SNS fandoms either LMAOO

[toyhousedramas]

What’ a proshipper? Is it bad? Why is it hated? I think I might be one because I have a lot of ‘toxic’ and ‘bad’ ships to help deal with trauma of mine or to represent how not… Black and white / ‘perfect’ the world really is in world building projects but I don’t want to be told to kms when I’m already dealing with extreme mental health issues lol :’)

Because a lot of toyhouse users have ‘proshippers kys’ on their dnis lol

/genq

The simplest definition of a proshipper is:

Someone who, regardless of their personal preferences, believes in letting people engage with fictional content without harassment, censorship, or moral policing.

Examples of a proship mindset:

"I dislike noncon in fiction, so I don’t consume it. If I need to, I block creators who make that content and move on."

"Abuse in fiction is triggering for me, so I curate my own experience by avoiding it."

"Age gaps in fiction make me uncomfortable, so I block tags or users that engage with it."

On the other hand, an anti-shipper believes that a person’s taste in fiction directly reflects their morality, and that "problematic" content should be removed; and its creators should be shamed, harassed, or driven out of online spaces.

Examples of an anti-ship mindset:

"If you write noncon in fiction, you don’t care about real-life victims."

"If you depict abuse in fiction, you’re probably an abuser."

"If you ship age-gap relationships in fiction, you must be a real-life predator."

Other things to consider:

Psychology and therapy recognize that fiction is separate from reality. Engaging with dark or taboo themes in fiction does not mean someone condones them in real life.

Many proshippers, including survivors of abuse, use fiction as a way to process trauma. However, no one is obligated to disclose personal reasons for consuming or creating certain content.

Some people simply enjoy exploring themes in fiction that are unacceptable in reality. That distinction matters.

The anti-shipper mindset has led to real harm, such as an animator who was relentlessly harassed for their fictional content until they lost their livelihood, healthcare access, and ultimately were forced onto hospice care.

At the end of the day, I personally believe art and fandom should be about self-expression, not moral policing. If you’d like to read more about this, I’d recommend checking out “It Makes Me, a Minor, Uncomfortable”: Media and Morality in Anti-Shippers’ Policing of Online Fandom by Aantal Woorden.

You may scroll past the non-english text (The author is not USAmerican) to reach the paper proper, which is presented in English.

DISCLAIMER: I have posted this as a good faith explanation, I will not allow this to devolve into discourse from either side regardless of which side I personally find more distasteful, I am happy to answer questions like this, I do not owe anyone 'discourse', asks sent in about this topic from either side will be posted only if I believe they add educational value or if I find them funny enough to shit on when I reply to them. I acknowledge my biases in advance and so should anyone in the inbox.

I am actually a poor example of a proshipper, as I run this blog and can be catty and mean in the persona I use to run it; most Proshippers are not like me, they are against all form of harassment or dramatics around people's personal actions as long as those actions are not harming other real individuals, most try to maintain a sympathetic approach to their interactions with others. I am, genuinely, old, crotchety, bitey, and many other proshippers would look on my behavior as inappropriate.

[yourdodam]

helloOoOoOo, everyone! 🥰 my name is ryan (h/h) & i'm very excited for opening night (or day, depending where you are)! 🥳 i can't wait to get to know all of you, as well as your muses! speaking of, i'm here to present to you the maknae, lead vocal, lead dancer, & visual of sopapop, lee dodam! 🤍 you'll find some brief information about him below, & you're welcome to read his blog if you have the time/space to do so! for plotting, please 💖 this post & i'll reach out to you asap! i prefer plotting on discord, so if you do, too, send me your handle & i'll add you!

i.

to keep things brief, dodam was born & raised in seoul by a single mother. in order to better support them, she often shuffled him around to various modeling competitions, talent agencies, & other sectors of the entertainment industry to get him jobs. he's been working full-time since around the age of 4. he was pulled out of school, & has been the breadwinner of his home since well before he became an adult. now, he's an idol & the work only continues, but now comes with a bigger price to pay. is he burnt out? sure, but he loves the attention too much to feel truly down about it 100%.

instead, whenever he can, he's doing his best to focus on himself. with sasaengs skulking around putting him at danger of exposure, there's a part of him that almost wants to be bad, but he knows that comes with immense risks. in midasfm, he will go on the journey of figuring out what he really wants to do, & will definitely be making sure that more of his "needs" are met along the way.

ii.

there is nothing lee dodam loves more than life itself. even though he's never lived too much of one himself, he yearns for it. he aches to be icarus, even if it means that his wings are torched by the flares of the sun & he crash lands into the sea. he fully accepts the weight of the risk, & doesn't think it should dampen his want for the adventure; of catapulting himself through the sky in a manner that's angelic, yet sprightly, as there's always a heaping dose of mischief to everything that dodam does. if you know him well at all, you'll understand that.

if you don't know him, getting to know him is easy. maybe it's cliché, to liken his energy to that of a golden-doodle that's stoked to see its owner after they return home from work, but that's precisely the vibe. when you're his friend, or even if you merely choose to give him your attention, he'll fully engulf you in his world; fully unloading everything that's on his mind as if he's catching you up on his life after he's been traveling for many weeks. he'll do this even if you only haven't spoken for a day. he hopes that you'll do the same, that you'll revel together.

this, however, may put off subdued spirits & shy personality types. he requires a lot of attention—& asking for this attention is one of the ways he expresses love—& he takes up a lot of space, & he likely won't notice that his intensely bright vibes are overwhelming you, sorry to say, but he never truly means to cause discomfort. he also has a knack for speaking rather impulsively, often emphatically, which may catch a person off-guard. dodam doesn't have secrets. if you're his friend, you'll know every detail about him—trust.

on his profile page, i say that his authenticity, his undiluted rawness of self, will either be refreshing, or jarring, & i stand by that. there's nothing he wants more than to express himself. his true self. he will never make himself palatable, & though he keeps his boundaries with his fan-base clear, to those in his life, he will only ride for you if you ride for him, too. the real him. the true him. not just the visual of sodapop, but the human being that exists outside of his career.

iii.

as far as connections go, i prefer to brainstorm ideas together instead of list out premade plot-lines. here are just some tidbits about how dodam interacts with people, just to give you an idea!

if you're a man he deems handsome, the odds of him openly hitting on you are sky-high. he is not shy about his gayness, even if he can't say it out loud publicly. he's flirtatious. however, if you don't feel the same, he responds very well to rejection, or to simply being informed that you're not into men, etc. he'll still wanna try and be friends!

growing up, most of the friends he made were girls. he gets along very well with women, as they've always been so kind & accepting of him, & his mother made sure that he grew up respecting women & girls. yeah, he may be gay, & he may be a man, but cares a lot about equality in his country, & hates that the social climate is so fraught.

dodam loves to be babied. he's never once felt babied in his entire life, as he was often the provider, so whenever anyone—particularly his seniors—give him sweet attention, coddle him, cuddle him, pinch his cheeks, etc., he'll eat it up by the spoonful. he'll melt into your hands. it's the same with romance. if you're more of a giver of affection, he'll gladly be the receiver. pun not intended, but... 🤪

he's competitive, so if you were a male child star during the same era as he was & you were up for similar campaigns/roles/etc., he'd make a cool rival. he can be a little more of a gary than an ash (iykyk, if you don't... 🤷‍♂️), but it's all in good fun. he still loves competition, even now. he'd adore to have some cute, playful rivalries with his pals; even if it's just who is better at smash bros, etc.!

iv.

that's all for now! if you read, thank you! i have a discord if you want it. just let me know & i'll send it your way!

[hey-i-am-trying]

Dude, IM part of the Spanish community and I thought Roier was being a total ass to Pepito's OG admin. That anon cant speak for us all and I honestly feel like Roier was mean as hell to that poor admin the hole damn time. I remember when he started pointing out the admins were changing and thought it was so rude to call out the REAL PEOPLE who were playing and acting like they HAD to act a specific way (like RIchas) or else he would spend the hole steam yelling at him, hitting him, insulting him as a """"joke"""" I fucking hated watching Roier and Pepito interact and NOT because of Pepito thats for sure. I was so glad when other people started looking after him and I feel so deeply bad for that poor OG admin who didnt get to play THEIR FUCKING character. I hate seeing people be like "we liked the other Pepito cause he fallowed Roier's story better" what about THAT ADMINS story???? As if these arnt real ass people roleplaying but just characters you can rewrite and should fit to form every time. The other eggs can have bad days and bad moods but Pepito cant? Its not only unfair and mean but it proved Pepito's self hatred right till the very end. Pepito's story is "If im not happy and bubbly 100% of the time ill be hated by the people meant to love me no matter what" and thats just shitty. I guess I can understand there was a tonal misunderstanding because Roier is more jokey and non serious and Pepito's OG admin seemed to me more in deep rp mode at all times and maybe that wasnt what was best for Roier's play style, thats fine. But to blame it all on """cultural differences""" and that the admin was rude is honestly just not it.

Thank you both for sharing!

Well, I think I will be fully honest and say that at the time, I stopped to watch any Roier qsmp steam because of Pepito. I didn't necessarly believed ccRoier was a bad person, it was just that the route qRoier's and Pepito's relationship were going was triggering some bad memories. It is weird that we know now that the actors weren't allowed to contact the ccs because you would think the story lines that both Roier and the og admin wanted to tell should required a lot of communication between the player and the actor.

I don't think that is either their fault that they wanted different storyline, but

I think Roier usually is very light-hearted with his humor and jokes about "la chancla"/"o chinelo" are very common place in LATAM, many latino kids are spanked during their childhoods and using it in humor is not a uncommon thing.

I think the context that the og admin is not from LATAM and did not speak spanish as her first language, adds to why they crashed so much in rp/humor style.

I don't think Roier was trying to be insulting, at least not out of charcter, but it is okay to have your own feeling about it.

It sad that I think this could have been avoided if Roier and the admin had a chance to talk.

I do not think that the admin was rude while I was watching but for what others said it was a situation were Roier was trying out of character explaning events of the week when the admin cursed at him. Not having spanish as their first language may have caused the admin to not realize the weight of what they were saying, they probably pretended to be light hearted.

But, well, it wasn't, at least not for those that were watching. And while I will repeat what I said before that the admin shouldn't be treated as trash or if there is something personallly wrong with them, they were rude in a situation, that is it.

[oxventure-text-posts]

This bracket has got me thinking about ship combinations so I present to you a list of ships I've seen like no one else really talk about that I've been thinking about [additions very possible]

- Daphne x Silas [QPR bc every Silas ship is a qpr to me]

[she'd think him and his fancy voice are hilarious I know this to be true. And they both love justice!! Daphne also talks a lot and Silas barely talks and I think Silas would appreciate Daphne being the talker, this also means they're chatterbox x listener and I think thats fun. They're also both religious to an extent! Silas has his whole situation with Rackstraw and a fourth of Daphne's sentences end in "that is the God-fearing way after all".]

- Silas x Garnet [QPR bc every Silas ship is a qpr to me]

[Both also justice lovers that are pretty chill and autistic tbh. I also love their interactions in canon, theyre so fun and silly (:]

- Daphne x Garnet

[Im not gonna just copy and paste the propaganda I wrote for them but Garnet could be really helpful in investigations, and she's tough so she could act as Daphne's bodyguard in more dangerous investigations. Daphne also really respects Garnet and her magic. Also people pointed out that Daphne and Edie share having a dead sibling but I wanna add that Daphne and Garnet share having a dead relative too (Gertrude and Garnet's father). Lastly, she seems to keep having bad romantic experiences with men so I think she should try a woman next, might have better luck.]

Daphne x Silas x Garnet [QPR bc every Silas ship is a qpr to me]

[See reasons above and bc I like both ships, all a bunch of feminists, too. Silas would hold their stuff while they break into someplace.]

Zillah x Barnaby [QPR but it could be either or I suppose]

[I just find the Uncle Monty episode really fun for their dynamic. Zillah slaying the demon while Barnaby watches feels very knight x royalty. Also bc one of my like concrete oitd post-canon headcanons is that Zillah goes to medical school to become a doctor and Barnaby pays for the whole thing.]

Lug x Morven [QPR but it could be either or I suppose]

[Grumpy grumps that are attacked and persecuted for just existing. They're also both very powerful and I know in my heart that Morven respects Lug like she respects Willowfine. Also he should be able to pick her up like a feisty kitten bc its funny. Also, not that Morven would want or should have kids but I had the idea of them naming a daughter, Peregrine, for the nature and animals stuff for Lug and for the predator animal and spooky stuff for Morven [also bc if Morven was any animal she'd be a hawk or a falcon and I stand by that] and I really like how that fits]

[shrinkthisviolet]

3, 5 [i love you (i'm sorry)], 10, 18 [when you help someone (you help everyone)], 22 [we'll give the world to you (and you'll blow us all away)], 30, 36 and 38 for the fic writer ask game please!

3: What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Ooh well I tend to write a lot of physical affection. I also tend to lean more gen than shippy, though ofc I write plenty of ship fics 😅 especially for YOTP (though that in itself is me challenging myself to write more ship fics that aren’t just prompt fills).

In regards to romance…I love pining, I love first kisses, etc etc. Established Relationship is fun in its own way ofc, but the thrill of the buildup is just *chef’s kiss* I love it.

Also in general, I don’t write higher than T—the most smut you’ll ever get out of me is some innuendo and “fade to black.” Even in fics I read, I don’t read E fics and I’m picky about M fics. It’s just not my thing

5: What do you wish someone would ask you about [i love you (i’m sorry)]? Answer it now!

“What was the point of making Barry and Morgan fight between 1x11 and 1x14? You’ve said yourself that it’s a bit contrived, so why have it at all?” This is something I’m sure people have wondered 😅 and maybe I’ve preemptively answered it before, but I’m going to do it again. Because either I didn’t and should, or it’s something that bears repeating:

For starters, I’ll say that Barry and Morgan’s initial fight, where Morgan was pissed at him because of the Bivolo and Tina stuff, was supposed to be the fight that lasted until 1x14. But then after 1x11, I realized that…it was way more natural for Morgan to try to “clean up her mess” with Hartley (her perspective—remember, she blames herself for being duped by Hartley, she just disagrees with the idea that she had bad intentions), and Barry to be overprotective and beg her too tay out of it. And like…with that, that’s a bridge to resolving their issues right there. You’re not gonna get a better resolution for Morgan to forgive Barry than that.

But on the other hand…now I needed something to fill 1x14. So I thought…what if Barry found out about Morgan’s involvement with Hartley and took it badly? And that went through a few iterations. Initially, Morgan was going to come clean, and Barry would be furious that she worked with Hartley at all and misinterpret her intentions due to his anger. But then…that presents no opportunity for reconciliation. So I figured, Eowells would be a better way—he’s already upset about Barry and Morgan’s closeness, so using Morgan’s alliance with Hartley to turn Barry against her? Absolutely something he’d do—including twisting the facts to do it. And like…I’ve said it’s a little contrived, but only a little. Barry has plenty of reason to assume Eowells is being truthful—by and large, he’s publicly been a very loving, attentive father to Morgan, and Barry hasn’t worked a lot of CPS-esque cases up-close-and-personal enough to really clock the signs. Add in the fact that Eowells is his science hero who he canonically doesn’t want to assume the worst of, and how Eowells lies about Morgan in a way that he’s never done before (to diminish her intelligence, which goes counter to everything he’s ever done—he’s always wanted to prop her up as his perfect daughter, and this very much does the opposite), and the picture becomes more clear. But of course, those more disconnected from Team Flash (Henry, Joe, Iris if she ever really saw Eowells and Morgan interact, which she hasn’t yet) can clock what it is immediately—because they’re on the outside looking in.

And now we come to “but why do they need to be fighting in 1x14?” Well…in theory, they don’t have to be, but it makes certain parts of “i love you (I’m sorry)” hit harder. Barry being worried when she’s seriously hurt and when she’s in danger (something Cisco tells him), Barry’s not-so-secret pride when Morgan talks about time travel theories, the passing-of-the-torch between Ronnie and Barry…plus, it means Ronnie gets to be the stern big brother essentially giving Barry the platonic version of a shovel talk—basically saying “I trust you, it’s clear you two care about her, but you’d better do right by her or else.” If Barry and Morgan weren’t fighting, Ronnie wouldn’t really get to do that—so this gives him a bit more to do. It also gives Caitlin more of an avenue to be a stern, protective big sister. She may be Barry’s friend, but don’t get it twisted—she’d throw him overboard to save Morgan, no questions asked.

(…well. Maybe not something so overt. She’s still a doctor—she’d make it look like an accident. Probably)

Plus…this way, we get some “platonic jealousy” from Barry, which is hilarious 😂 bending a fork, calling Ronnie’s smile a “fire hazard”…dude please, you are fooling absolutely no one. Meanwhile Ronnie’s over here cheerfully talking with his baby sister’s new big brother, completely unaware of any rivalry in Barry’s mind. It’s hysterical.

Especially since, as everyone keeps reminding Barry, this is a fixable problem. He is causing his own misery. So unlike most jealousy arcs…this is at Barry’s expense rather than Morgan’s. Which is great! More jealousy arcs, whether romantic or platonic, should be written that way.

(Maiko’s brief (romantic ofc) one in the Beach is like that—where Zuko is presented as the one in the wrong. Though some fans still act like the show was somehow criticizing Mai…*sigh*. Anyway. I digress)

Hopefully that explains why I kept them fighting in 1x14 😅 was it contrived? A little, though hopefully it did also make sense. But it was also necessary.

10: How do you decide what to write?

Oh I don’t decide anything 😂 the ideas come to me in a flash (pun sometimes intended), and those are a dime a dozen. As for which ones I write…it depends which ones itch at me to write fic for them. And even then, actually writing said fic can take a while 😅 prompt fills are quick by their nature, but like…a multichap? Could be months before you even hear about it.

Of course, sometimes I do choose not to write fics, or abandon them, for various reasons. The plan I have is too extensive for me to want to take on, I’m not in that fandom anymore, etc etc.

There are also WIPs that I haven’t abandoned but cling on to stubbornly—like, okay maybe I don’t have the time now to actively work on them, but I want to make time at some point because I’m so attached to a particular story and want to see it through (Bumizumi AU, Rey & Luke time travel AU, Saviris/Westallen s3 fix-it, Savimiris fic, and Snowest/Killerwest s3 fic, and Savitar & Nora fic are the current ones for these).

So there’s some choice for sure. But yeah, usually it feels a little like getting possessed by the muse 😂

18: If you wrote a sequel to [when you help someone (you help everyone)], what would it involve?

Ooh to be honest, I have no idea. I conceived that as a “one and done” idea, so I’m not sure what a sequel could really involve. I guess if I did, I’d write Haja being more involved in the rest of the Kenobi show—maybe beating Obi-Wan to Tatooine and engaging Reva to defend Luke until Obi-Wan gets there, maybe some Haja & Leia interaction (because I think they got a little iirc? But they could always get more)…hey, maybe they could’ve used him for an Ahsoka stinger at the end, who’s to say. The possibilities are endless…though it’s not a sequel I’d ever write. The fic feels complete as is.

22: Who is your favorite character in [we'll give the world to you (and you'll blow us all away)] and why?

Aww man, unfair question 😂 my favorite character in that fic is a baby and technically doesn’t do a whole lot (it’s Izumi)! Though Mai’s a close second. I love her so, so much…and I love her and Zuko fiercely defending their little girl, especially since I’m sure Mai is super exhausted from having just given birth. Writing Mai as a fiercely protective and also very loving mom gives me life 🥰 in a fandom where everyone would rather take Mai’s daughter away from her and give her to other people to raise, I defend Mai’s right to be her own daughter’s mother.

I also just...really love that fic in general. It's my personal hc that Maiko had an impulse wedding, and perhaps a proper wedding later for the sake of propriety (hey, part of "a new era of the FN" is still having public royal weddings, just also showing that their marriage is more loving than Ozai/Ursa's forced, loveless arrangement. And this fic also shows how I believe they came to have Izumi - if she's around Bumi's age (which I hc she is), then it means Maiko took their sweet time, and I'm sure part of that was because they wanted to have a child on their own terms, no one else's.

Also, unlike what a lot of people weirdly seem to hc, Maiko stopped at one kid just because they wanted to. Not because Mai had fertility issues, not because of a miscarriage, or what have you (funny how people only have those "fertility issue" hcs for Mai and not Zuko btw...but I digress). She just decided "well! That was rough. We're not doing that again." And like...that's fair, honestly. You don't need a reason to stop having kids other than "yeah listen I'm fine, the baby's fine, etc etc, but that was rough and I'm not doing that again." That's absolutely a valid choice. Izumi was a difficult birth for Mai, as stated in-fic, but like...I'm a first child. We tend to be difficult births for our mothers in general, from what I've seen 😂 even without fertility issues.

And it was really nice to explore both her and Zuko's reservations about having kids! Zuko's are explored a lot in fics, but Mai's aren't as much. I liked giving her a little more spotlight (and in a Zuko POV too! It can be done!)

And the brief bit of Maitara friendship! I love them sm. Katara and Mai would absolutely defend each other against any bs 💞 just as they'd both do for any of the Gaang

30: Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Technically every longform ship fic is pushing me out of my comfort zone, since I’m so gen-inclined 😂 but I love it. I do love romance, and getting more used to writing it in more than short spurts is very fun.

Also! I’m pretty open about the fact that i love you (i’m sorry) is me tackling one of my least favorite tropes—Miscommunication—and trying to use it in a way that isn’t utterly ridiculous. Did I succeed? Well…that’s up to my readers to say 😂 it’s not my favorite fic by any means, but I still like that I tried it…especially for the hilarious “nooo I don’t care about Morgan! *proceeds to care about Morgan*” moments from Barry that we wouldn’t have gotten without this fic. Ronnie’s shocked that Barry thought he was in any way subtle lol

36: Do you visualize what you read/write?

To an extent. Sometimes it feels more like disjointed images than one clear scene—it helps when I act it out myself, but then I’m just visualizing myself rather than my OCs 😅 it’s a bit of a challenge. I’m a little envious of those who can perfectly visualize their scenes as they write tbh

38: Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

Well ofc the Morgan AU—the enthusiasm keeps growing, much to my delight! Though I do feel a little sorry for new fans 😅 the current formatting (unfinished s1 and s2 arcs) is a bit jarring. Hopefully finishing the s1 arc should help.

Also…i love you (so please let me go)! It was my first Spidey fic, and it like…blew up overnight after I posted it—got a bunch of bookmarks, kudos, etc…even got added to a collection, all in the span of one day! I hadn’t really experienced anything like that, and it was surprising in a wonderful way. Big fandom definitely contributed to that, as well as PeterMJ being a pretty popular ship (and Peter & Ned & MJ being such a fundamental trio)…plus, it was post-NWH in the few weeks after it was released. All those factors contributed imo.

(I also happen to think it’s an amazing fic and the POV switches are something I’m very proud of, though I doubt those specifically are what contributed to the popularity as much as like…the timing, the fandom, etc)

fic writer ask game!

[cheatexp]

@iscopeeee hi i wanted to reply to your tags on a post but didnt want to add them to the main post cz if some random fuckin guy comes over and argues w me from the notes i will noooot enjoy it lmfao. feel free to ignore if you dont care its pretty long

tbh suuuper fair. i find when people try to represent more disorders because they want the number of disorders they represent to go up it's honestly Usually bad. im sure it isn't in 100% of situations but like. lets look at the research process here

you can look at the diagnostic criteria. but this will give you a cold view of what you're researching that doesn't appropriately exhibit how it would affect a person's Life. yeah you get a list of symptoms that may or may not be present but you don't get how that affects their world view, their sense of self, the way they interact with others, how it might intersect with other disorders they have, how it can vary depending on what they've experienced in life. i mean just look at the diagnostic criteria for something you DO have and see how different it feels from your actual experience with the thing? like yeah it might fit in a technical sense but do you at all sense the way that part of you makes you FEEL. the way it affects your LIFE. the way it IMPACTS you? you don't get the IMPACT you just get a little tube that doctors poke people with. outside in perspective

you can go on social media and check out how people online share their experiences with said disorders. which sounds like a really good idea honestly! like, wow, that perspective you wanted, right? but social media is not built for this kind of thing. it tends to amplify one kind of voice, the kind that can get trendy, the kind that's glamourous, the kind that makes people watch the video and click the like button and subscribe and hit the bell. some people think that this means these people must be faking but really social media is only showing you one perspective and it's the one that gets the most attention so like. of course its gonna Look fake. whether it is or not i kind of dont give a shit. but youre not gonna get a realistic glimpse at it from the slime machine. yeah the internet has all information on it but in this day and age its only gonna show you shit that makes it money and that is NOT something you want for this sort of thing.

additionally sometimes when you try and look into this stuff youll just get horrible hateful slime. take narcissism for example. i do not give a flying fuck if youre "not referring to the disorder" if you try and research it at all youre gonna get this terrible horseshit rabbit hole about how narcissists are literal demons from hell that have dark energy and you should abuse them because it's morally right. what kind of research can you even DO there? and another not from the post, you look into borderline at fuckin all and you just get people calling them horrible people you Should abuse because it's morally right. because they're just evil people who deserve it for being so evil. how the fuck are you supposed to get compassionate viewpoints if you have to sift through people who are genuine vile filth about it. if you have to try really hard to tell if you're getting an actual perspective or if it's another step towards trying to justify abusing people for money. it's fucked up! it's really fucked up! and if you don't feel like you can handle doing that kind of research then honestly? so fucking fair i can't stomach it myself. it pisses me off so bad. people with npd and bpd i will fight for you in the war any day of the week.

the best thing you can do imo is get the personal experiences of people that you either know or at least people who aren't influenced by the algorithm. and make sure it's Multiple experiences. develop an understanding of how it affects their perspective rather than a list of Things People with [X] Do. and at the end of the day you probably won't get a FULL view of what it's like because there's only so much people are willing to share about something that hurts them. so if you still dont feel confident enough to depict it after that then tbh fair. thanks for thinking about it instead of running in guns blazing like your actions dont impact anyone

at the end of the day if you can't get enough information to handle it with tact i recommend just depicting characters with like... problems. you dont need to put a word on it, just give them traits that are unpleasant for them to experience and treat it with compassion. ill take a character that accidentally does things that remind me of my experience with ocd over some guy who technically has all of the diagnostic criteria but doesn't have much care put into the depiction at all yk. maybe im too scared of making mistakes actually it's probably fine to try and fail but ahhh!! ahhhhh!!! what if i'm the devil! eeek! idk if someone has a different opinion ill hear you out lol we dont have to kill each other promise

[marslikethefruit]

why is it so bad for me to like.. not.. like bullying just because the world is cruel?

my mom sees me as a smartass. i dont understand why. all i did was 'argue' against her (add my opinion in opposition to hers).

like, my brother says how he called a girl a dumpling hair or whatever? AND MY MOM ENCOURAGED IT.

so i obvi told her, "this is bullying." her argument was basically "thats the world. the world is cruel." and i told her "you must be the change you see in the world, you shouldn't just endure whatever because 'that's just the way the world works'." and shes like "ohoho, i'm enduring, alright." and "when you were getting bullied, you say anything? no. you didnt. you endured it." and.. oh my god, am i tired.

just because i endured it doesnt mean thats what youre meant to do. (i told her this, and she was just like "yeah yeah okay")

the reason i endured it is BECAUSE i would get bullied more. raise a child who wouldn't bully worse if 'tattle-taled' on. hell-- raise a child who doesn't bully at all! does she not see the fault in her ways? why must she encourage this behavior?

when i was getting bullied, i remember my mom saying how she'll suspend the bullies or whatever.

she didnt. i told her not to.

wanna know why i did that? because the bullying would only get worse.

(sorry, this part is repetitive. im keeping it because i dont want to change stuff and possibly leave out something.)

i think my mom is a yesman.

i cant win against her. i get that "oh youre not supposed to win an argument, merely come to a mutual understanding" but oh my god. i just want her to see my point of view. shes such a brick wall. im so tired. whenever i have a good point, she is just sarcastic and yet she tells me to stop being sarcastic?

althouh i am aware its not literally genetic -- you are a mosaic of everybody you once knew (stole that from pinterest), and i don't think she realizes how much of her glass reflects.

i'm more like her than she realizes and i'm so scared of that.

anyways -- only when i'm done crying does she say "oh, [brother's (the bully) name], don't call people's hair a dumpling!" and.. the way she had to be confronted to say that is so wrong..

im so tired. i dont want to endure the world anymore. i dont want to change the world by being kind anymore. sure, i did once, but what's even the use when people like this exist?

"oh, but Mercy, she's your mother!" does.. that matter? this isnt even trauma this is anger. im typing this out of rage and frustration and i've honestly bitten my nails off already so what else can i do? i know nobodys going to see this. nothing even matters anymore.

honestly, if this is the way the world works then i want no part of it. i might just leave.

(no, i'm not being dramatic and i'm not planning on 'leaving' (a euphemism) BECAUSE of this.. conversation.. (can't call it an argument because.. i 'should never argue with my mom because she's my mother'. (also, i'm not saying you should ALWAYS argue with your mom over everything, only when there is wrong or it's for the better) (please excuse this take and how foul it sounds and all the loopholes im so sad about being misunderstood)) alone but this is always her. if im not agreeing with her, i'm always the one wrong. i have learned i will never be a good person. not just in these interactions-- in everything! in school, in relationships, hell, what can't i do wrong? anyways, that's why i want to 'leave'.)

and i am showing mercy. she makes this snarky remark about how "ohoho, you go by Mercy online, right? have mercy!! you hypocrite.". she doesnt understand the meaning behind my words. at all. she takes everything face-value. she either acts stupid (NOT CALLING HER STUPID. IM SAYING SHE IS FEIGNING IGNORANCE AND UNKNOWING.) or she genuinely does not understand one thing. (AGAIN NOT CALLING HER STUPID. IM SAYING SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING AT HAND OFTEN.) (you might be asking; oh, mercy, but why don't you just say the parenthesis instead of these offensive words? and i answer: because these offensive words are the way i can best explain my feelings without making it wordy.)

i'm sorry if i come off as condescending for the clarification. i'm scared of being misunderstood. sorry for everything. please forgive me.