#its looking like im gonna have to be the one to step up
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dylric angst fanfic - part two
includes necro, noncon, hints of prey/predator, etc.
notes: rapist murder with a side of library necro suicide please! (yes so what if i used zero hour pictures for the banner…)
edit: ((if my phone corrects my shit one more time im gonna smash it…its SUPPOSED TO BE ZERO HOUR SMH…))
right to the end, just like a friend
i tried to warn you somehow
you had your way, now you must pay
im glad that youre sorry now
the hours had passed by quicker then dylan and eric could comprehend.
dylan had spent the whole night, sobbing into erics shoulder while he sat there and held him. it was the sweetest thing hes ever done for him.
until now.
they were dressed and ready to go. everything they needed to do was done, they were in their spots, and now all they had to do was wait for the bombs to go off in the cafeteria.
dylan stared at the building while everything was starting to hit him. this was really gonna happen, he was really gonna do this.
he was going to do this with his best friend and prove to everyone that they were gods - they decided who lived and who died for their mistakes.
he thinks to himself though that they shouldve gone off at this point.
he looked across the lot to eric, seeing him looking down at his watch and shaking his head. he looks up and then back down, cursing to himself.
he makes a quick move to grab the rest of what needed out of his car and dylan does as well once he sees it.
he had no idea what they were gonna do now - their plan revolved around the bombs, but as long as his friend had some semblance of a plan then he was fine with that.
eric walks his way over across the lot to dylan “cmon, vee, lets just get this over with - that freakin’ crap isnt gonna go off.” he was obviously annoyed, but he was gonna make the most out of this.
dylan nodded “yeah - yeah, alright.” is all he answered with before they both turned to head in.
-
they took care of everyone outside with ease, then dealt with everyone inside. it was going a little smoother then they expected it to, but it still had its faults.
they were split up for awhile too before they finally came back together and recuperated, ready for their next step.
however, dylan hadnt noticed any of the boys they were *really* after. they had taken care of who they wanted to except for them.
if they had stayed home today for whatever reason or had somehow escaped then this was totally ruined.
it made dylan nervous and frustrated - it made eric absolutely pissed.
he wasnt gonna go down without those fuckers going down with them - he promised dylan that it would be the last thing he does.
they walk through one of the hallways, glass cracking beneath their boots and blood making the floor slippery.
“have you seen them yet?” eric asked, looking over to dylan. he wasnt sure exactly what they looked like or who they were - he had a very vague idea, but it was hard to get any information from dylan about it.
the blonde shook his head “no, i havent. theyve gotta be around here somewhere - i thought i saw their cars in the lot.” he had remembered seeing the cars parked outside, but he couldve just been seeing things.
they both could tell how each other were feeling. eric could tell that dylan was on edge and was frustrated that he might not get to see them be taken down before his own death while dylan could tell that eric was pissed they were being pussies and not showing themselves - so much for being tough guys, huh?
“its fine, ill find them. dont worry,” eric reassured him, but paused “i promised you that.” he hesitated to say it and it came out all embarrassed, but it made dylan smile.
“thanks, reb.” he replied as they turned the corner.
the brunette was about to say something else, but as they rounded that corner they were face to face with who they were looking for.
there was four of them there. four muscular white guys who were jocks on the schools sports teams. they looked all tough and proud, but now they were about to be nothing.
they were trying to open one of the exit doors and as if it was some miracle from the god they didnt believe in, the door was jammed. it wouldnt open no matter how hard they tried.
it made eric snicker - natural selection, bitch, is what he thought.
the brunette looks to the other, seeing the blank look on his face and his stiff posture. that alone told him all he needed to know.
he walks right up ahead, checking his gun as he did so to make sure it was loaded.
“hey, assholes!,” he called over to them “turn around, let me get a good look at you!”
they each turn their heads, confused, but the confusion quickly turns to horror as they try harder to open the door.
“cmon, man, you dont gotta shoot us,” one of them speaks up, but he fails to sound manly and his voice shook “we didnt do shit to you!” he spat while his friends tried to tell him to lay off.
erics eyes narrowed, glaring while his finger hovered over the trigger “are you that retarded? didnt do anything?,” he laughed, turning his head to look at dylan who was a little further back “vodka, did these fags do something? or are we just making it up?”
dylan shakes his head as if to say they werent making it up. he swallowed hard.
“yeah? name one fuckin’ thing!” the other answered with quickly. he clearly wasnt too smart to be taunting like this.
dylan doesnt want to name anything. he doesnt want to describe what happened just for these sick fucks. he doesnt want to think about it more then he already has.
he hoped eric understood and he did.
he turned to look back at the other boys “you know what you did.” he hissed, respecting dylans obvious discomfort.
none of the boys say anything for a moment until one of them whispers something to the other.
“oh - oh, yeah! *you* guys!,” he laughed “i didnt do shit to *you*, harris, but maybe to that freak over there!,” he continued laughing as he pointed towards dylan - even his friends who were hesitant before seemed to giggle along with him “it was all just a joke, ya know, we didnt mean anything! way to get overdramatic like a girl!”
he just wouldnt shut up and even his friends joined in, saying snide remarks and insults.
the two of them just stared, listening to all of it. let them run their mouths and ruin this for themselves, they figured.
“youre such a pussy, klebold! making your little boyfriend fight for you? seriously? man up, shoot me like a fuckin’ man!”
that was it for eric. he raised his gun and pressed his finger down on the trigger - all hell broke loose again.
it was a symphony of screaming, bullets, and the click of his gun. it was music to his ears.
dylan on the other hand was in complete shock - like an animal almost. it was surreal to watch the boys who assaulted him be murdered right in front of him, especially by his best friend.
he didnt ever entertain thoughts like this, but, god was it hot.
he couldnt even think of a better way to say it - it was just *hot.*
eric looked so focused, so set on making sure each of them had enough lead put into them to last them their trip to hell. the way his shirt and pants clung to him - the sweat dripping down his forehead and arms - it was all so attractive.
he lets off the last couple of bullets, the hallway turning eerily quiet and peaceful besides the distant shrill of the fire alarm and police outside. they both stare at the mess of blood and bodies.
eric doesnt even realize when dylan finally walks up next to him, abruptly grabbing him by his face with both hands and placing his lips to his.
his eyes widened, completely caught off guard. he wasnt expecting anything like that at all - maybe just some shared words about how good it felt to do that, but not a kiss.
eric knew better, but it gave him a sick sense of power.
he just murdered his best friends rapists for him - it was almost like he owed him now.
he could be the hero and kill those guys, but that doesnt make him any better. he was a teenage boy with an obsession for power.
dylan pulled away less then a second later, clearly embarrassed “sorry, sorry,” it comes out quickly, ready to explain himself “you just - looked really good,” it comes out a little softer then he meant it to. theres a soft layer of blush that eric is just barely able to make out on his face “thank you, eric.”
they werent more then friends. thats what they thought, but there was always something - something between the two of them that extended far past the label of friendship. an underlying need.
even the events from the previous night theyd chalk up to close friendship, but it was more then that.
eric doesnt reply, but instead grabs the front of dylans shirt and pulls him back down, kissing him again.
the blonde is surprised, but he quickly reciprocates.
it was ironic how intimate this seemed considering their situation, but this was their last chance to ever do something like this. no one was here to judge them - it was just them and the end of their world.
they stay there like that without a care and its so oddly sweet, but erics own needs get the best of him.
he lets go of his friends shirt, but instead puts his hands on his hips - his nails dig in just the smallest bit.
however, dylan isnt a fan. it makes him a little uncomfortable - he was more then grateful for what he just did for him, but he wasnt trying to be like *that*.
he pulled away just a moment later, wiping away some of his spit with the back of his gloved hand.
the brunette is less then happy to have him pull away, but he doesnt say anything about it. he knew better - thats what he told himself.
“i think we should go.” the other broke their silence. the end was inevitable and they both knew it. they didnt want to say it outright, but they already knew what needed to be done.
“yeah,” eric answered back “im done with this crap anyway. we gave them what they were asking for - lets go.”
-
its a quiet walk down to the library aside from the occasional comment with laughter and the random firing of their guns.
they had did it - they accomplished the only goal they set out for themselves. they did what they had to do.
now it would be over - all the chaos and terror would come to an end and they would finally be set free from this hell they were born into.
now they were in the library, sitting on the floor together. they ran their plans over hundreds of times, but they never really seemed to go over this part.
they were both checking over their guns, making sure they were set and ready.
“we’re doing it together, right?” eric asked, earning a nod from dylan “yeah. should be easiest that way.”
the discussion of that stops there. there wasnt really much to be said. they were going to die no matter how they did it.
dylan goes to place the end of his gun to the roof of his mouth, but he paused, turning to his friend.
“thank you - you know, for everything,” the other turns his head as he speaks “you were a great friend, reb.” theres something so surreal about the way he says it - they never put any thought into what their last words would be, so for it to be something so genuine was odd.
the brunette smiled “yeah, you too, vee,” its so weird to hear anything nice come out of his mouth, but it happens anyway “guess we’ll see each other in hell, huh?” he laughed and so does the other. they could barely ever take themselves seriously.
“yeah, man. ill see you there.” he replied back through his laughing. it sounded like they were just joking around - like they hadnt just murdered people and were about to finish themselves.
the laughter dies down though, being their final sign to get things moving along.
dylan placed the gun where it needed to be, glancing over to eric as if to let him know he should do it too, which he does.
neither of them make a move - at least until the blonde turns his head away, finger over the trigger. his friend followed his actions, keeping a finger over the trigger as well.
only a moment later did eric hear the bang from the gun, followed by the thud of his friends body falling.
this was where he was supposed to pull the trigger - end whatever suffering he was supposedly going through, but something makes him hesitate.
he knows what hes supposed to do - he knows he shouldn’t look over and should just get this over with, but he cant help it when he pulls the gun away and looks over to dylan.
it was just about as graphic as he wouldve expected. his head was blown open and the blood was already making a mess on the floor - he noticed how some of the splatter even got on his arm.
it was definitely weird to see his friend that way, but he couldn’t seem to piece together any other emotions. it was just *weird.*
he looks away and puts the gun back to where it belongs. he had to get this over with and just be done with it - there was no other way out of it. however, again, something makes him hesitate.
thats until he hears what sounds like gagging and choking.
he moves the gun away again and looks back over, seeing now that dylan was choking on his own blood while his body seemed to twitch and convulse.
it was a bad shot - a terrible shot even. he shouldve aimed better, but eric couldnt look away.
he just stared and watched.
it was wrong - so, so wrong about what he thought of next. he still owed him - he owed him for killing those guys who had hurt him. he didnt want to be on the same level as those guys, but he was far past that now that hes killed their classmates and committed crimes of his own.
he quietly set his gun down on the floor, getting up and sitting right in between his thighs.
was he seriously going to do this? was he really going to be as sick and disgusting as those guys - if not worse? yes, he was.
he swallowed hard, reaching a hand up to unzip his pants and pull them down. hes greeted with pale, scarred skin and thin thighs. it was a little off putting - he wasnt a big fan of the scars, but he carried on anyway.
he knew he had to make this as quick as possible considering there probably wouldnt be a lot of time before the police arrived in the building. of course, he didnt know that it would take them as long as it really did, but he just had to make the assumption.
he quickly pulled down his boxers and barely gives himself a chance to look at him before he was already taking care of his own. he unzipped his pants and pulled his boxers down just enough to take his cock out.
it was kind of disgusting how hard he already was. who knew all this murder and gore would get him so worked up.
eric readjusted their position, fixing the position of dylans legs and body, which was hard to do because of all the involuntary movement.
any thoughts of morality were thrown out the window at this point - there was no time for him to think about how wrong this was. he just had to do it. it was owed to him.
he lines up with the other, forcing himself in with a hiss. it was a tight fit - he wasnt welcomed here and he never would be. the groan it pulled out from dylan only proved that further.
he pulls back out, pushing back in and trying to get a pace started. its slow and rather awkward - he had never had sex with anyone before so he really only knew how to do this because of porn - and even that wasnt a great reference material when dylan didnt have a cunt like the girls he watched.
the brunette tries to make it work though, biting down on his lip as he forced himself in as far as he could go.
he would be lying if he said it didnt feel good. it felt *amazing.* maybe the blonde really did feel that good or maybe the situation made it better. he had no idea and he would never know.
he holds onto his hips for more leverage, trying to build up a better, quicker pace. it works somewhat - his own precum starting to make the slide bearable and easy.
he pulled another noise from the boy on the floor once he started to go faster, listening to his continued gagging and groaning. it was like he was aware, but just not quite.
it didnt matter though, he was gonna finish one way or another.
shame starts to creep its way in, but he has to shove it down. he feels ashamed that hes doing this to his best friend whos about half dead on the floor - not to mention he was another guy. his first time shouldve been with some pretty girl he met, not with a guy he considered his best friend who was bleeding out onto the floor.
at the same time though theres something about that specific fact. something so primal about taking what was his - not having a care about what anyone would think of him for doing this. he was an animal, a predator taking what he needed from his prey - what he was owed and deserved.
the thought of that alone just about sends him over the edge - thrusting in particularly hard with a moan of his own. he does it again, followed by one more until hes finally spilling inside of him.
the twitch of dylans body and the gagging seems to stop as he did so.
he stays inside of him, not bothering to pull out. his whole body felt fuzzy and there was a sort of hazy feeling that hung over him. it was euphoric, really.
he has to pull out though against his own needs, looking over his work. he just about gets another erection when barely any of his cum leaks out.
he has to refrain himself though. he stuffs his own cock back into his boxers, fixing his pants and then turning his attention to his friend. he pulls up his pants and boxers too, fixing them and putting everything back into place.
eric wondered what the reports would say about this. what the autopsy report would say about the cum left inside of his friend and on his own dick - maybe theyd say he had raped him in death which wouldnt be wrong, or maybe theyd think it happened before - that dylan was some kind of faggot who willingly took it up the ass.
either way, it didnt matter.
eric wouldnt be around to see it and neither would dylan.
#tcc fandom#tcc tumblr#tccblr#tcctwt#tee cee cee#tccblur#teeceecee#dylan columbine#eric columbine#tcc columbine#columbine tcc#columbine 1999#dylric#dylan and eric#eric and dylan#anoufrievboy fanfics
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i miss sending things to your inbox but since I don’t have any oc x canon of yours currently being done, have some sleepyhowls
It wasn’t the way they acted around each other that gave it away—at least, not for Jack. It was the way he looked at Dawn. As though any blink might rob him of some small, precious detail. Ace never missed the chance to tease him for it. Constantly.
“You painted your nails?” Jack asked, taking her small hand in his.
“Huh? Looks the same to me,” Epel muttered with a shrug.
“Vil let me borrow some nail polish,” Dawn explained with a chuckle. “It’s a little lighter than the last one. I didn’t think you’d notice.”
“Of course he noticed. He’s in lo—” Ace started, only to yelp and wince as a sharp kick landed under the table. Wonder who could’ve done that.
Later that night, the teasing was long forgotten, but Jack’s gaze wasn’t. He sat quietly across from her, his sharp eyes never leaving her. The others were fast asleep, their impromptu sleepover stretching later than expected. Yet Dawn, plagued by her usual insomnia, sat awake. Jack, ever stubborn, had stayed up with her.
“You should really sleep, Jack,” Dawn said softly, her voice tinged with concern. A faint smile curved her lips. “You don’t have to stay awake because of me.”
“I can take it,” Jack grumbled, suppressing a yawn. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Well, I do, because you’re awake for my sake,” she replied with a gentle laugh. And again, she noticed the way he looked at her. It wasn’t predatory, not like the sharp gaze of a wolf hunting its prey. No, it was something softer, something almost tender.
Her heart skipped a beat as she looked away, trying to escape the intensity of his eyes.
“Wait,” Jack murmured, standing slightly taller as he stepped closer. His ears twitched, and his voice dipped low, almost vulnerable. “Please… don’t look away, Dawn.”
“I want to look at you,” he said, the words leaving him without hesitation.
Dawn’s breath hitched. Her hands fidgeted with the sleeves of her pajama top as warmth crept into her cheeks. That look—it wasn’t the intense stare of a wolf or even the playful glint of a puppy. No, it was something else entirely. Something… overwhelming.
“I… I should go to sleep,” she finally stammered, her voice unsteady. “You should try to do the same.”
Jack nodded, his stoic demeanor slipping back into place. “Yeah… goodnight.” With that, he laid back onto his makeshift bed, his eyes finally breaking away from hers.
Dawn stood frozen for a moment, her thoughts swirling. Her heart was still racing from his words, his gaze, the intensity of the moment. She returned to her spot, pulling the blanket over her, but sleep wouldn’t come—not because of her insomnia, but because of the warmth that lingered.
For the first time in a while, the night didn’t feel so heavy. And it wasn’t insomnia keeping her awake. It was him.
Girls (me) when SleepyHowls:
THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOSH IM GONNA FAINT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
HOW ARE THEY SO ADORABLE. JAIL. RIGHT TO JAIL. THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. YOU'RE GOING TO PRISON FOR WRITING SOMETHING SO FLUFFY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME AND *EXPLODES*
I'm sobbing. Crying even. I can't do this no more. I'm gonna pass out.
#💙! mah's answers#💙! barbs<3#💙! Barbs's writing!#“please don't look away. i want to look at you.” ACTUALLY SCREAMED#WHAT#JACK THE RIZZLER HOWL
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We need more Jonathan Levy smut as well as more Duke Leto smut. I've been saying this for months🙄
#its looking like im gonna have to be the one to step up#fanfiction#fanfic#fan fiction writer#jonathan levy x reader#jonathan levy smut#jonathan levy#duke leto atreides#duke leto x you#duke leto x reader#duke leto smut
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Does anyone else feel like Aylinluna was horribly out of character this episode?? I've heard that apparently some things were cut, so that might be the reason but it still felt weird. Like ur telling me Luna, who has literally been so respectful of Aylin's boundaries literally even last episode, is suddenly forcing her to go out of her comfort zone?? Okay, fine, I understand the concept of wanting ur gf to get along with ur friends, but ur telling me Luna wouldn't stand up for Aylin when someone is clearly getting in her face and making her uncomfortable?? That she would call her an ALIEN??!!!
#look how they massacred my boy#everyone clap that i even spelled that word#god idk today's ep just felt off in general#ongsasun the only saving grace#also let me tell u#u can rlly tell they r lesbians#the only other gmmtv show I've watched was bad buddy#and each step for those boys was like pulling teeth#these two r like doing a speedrun compared to that#they went confess ✅ start dating ✅ kiss ✅ have sex ✅#am i allowed to say sex on tumblr???#also that's what happened right dhsh#imagine if the towel just fell#next ep starts and its ongsa like OH FUCK SORRY#anyway back to aylinluna#the fuck is up with ton#i have such mixed feelings abt that man#sometimes he's a himbo and slay and all#but sometimes he acts like he has the brain of a toddler#earlier episodes luna would've slapped him !!#like what do u mean everyone is like U OKAY after he just accosted not one but two girls#ugh idk#i just dont like how they seem to be going the route of: im ur gf so im gonna baby u#come psppss come socialize silly#LEAVE LUNA ALONE SHE WOULDN'T#also am i crazy but like Aylin's interacted with those ppl before#maybe not ton and mawin but everyone is acting as if she hadn't been making strides in social interaction already#23.5#23.5 the series#aylinluna
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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I like how as the season goes on it's made more and more clear how Kirishima's shift from "demon" to "kind and reliable adult figure" isn't actually as unprecedented as some characters in the show feel it is. Like with him entertaining Yaeka when they were both younger, before Miyuki's accident, and how he went with Sugihara to apologize to the antique seller lady when theyd just met.....like I just. love how it shows he always had the seeds of kindness in him! even in his terrible youth! It's just that he's finally starting to grow them now
#the yakuza's guide to babysitting#kumichou musume to sewagakari#kirishima tooru#ygtb#YK..LIKE....ALSO. HE HAD MIYUKI AND AOI TO LOOK UP TO IN HIS YOUTH. AND NOW NEITHER OF THEM R REALLY THERE IN THE SAME WAY#theyre not Gone gone but he's stepped forward into those roles in their place (''brother'' for sugihara + caregiver for Yaeka)#yk....hes growing up...from being the one in a position to be cared for hes growing into being a kinder person that can care for others#from that state of such violence. yk.#I WAS GONNA POST SCREENSHOTS BUT THE SITE ISNT WORKING. NO VISUAL EVIDENCE SORRY.#from episodes 7 and 12. like he did not have to take sugihara in and did not have to go with him to apologize for stealing!#& how he played w baby yaeka...like! hes always been a kind person it just wasn't expressed much!!#put brother (2 sugihra) in quotes because you know how translation is. fucked up. literally translated it's brother but in like a sworn bro#kind of way. frat bro kind of way. idk i dont work here#+ not really sure how to explain why taking sugihara to apologize is so significant to me but im p sure it's a Thing. its a Gesture#could also be him demonstrating 2 the shopkeeper that the sakuragi family has her back. but still he couldve handled the situation in#many other &less kind ways. also the fact that he let sugihara apologize on his own instead of forcing him or like beating him up &dragging#him to the shopkeeper.#ill rewatch ygtb and take notes on kirisugi relationship ive got headcanons#aro krishima and bi sugihara homiebestieship agenda
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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...
There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.
OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!
Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:
It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane
#snap chats#the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise#like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him#while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic#really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense#OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show#it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk#dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it#i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue#BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there#embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch#ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home#so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao
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thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.
#but im like damn... gale...karlach....stay away from her... or else ur gonna explode in the end....#really a coin toss between those two and im gonna be sad at the end but that's the thalia experience 😭😭#also i dont think she's gonna save the tieflings... not bc she's evil but she generally doesn't care... and curing the tadpole is her utmos#priority. like she's already stressed with her chaotic magic killing her if she loses 50/50 now you have to add brain worms on top of that?#funny that shri'iia does more heroic deeds and she's like. the evil aligned chara#but thalia is generally very cold in a sense that she's always looking at the bigger picture and she's willing to sacrifice/disregard#who gets caught in the crossfire.. like that's just another responsibility she has to bear for Her. and she's very the type to sacrifice he#own happiness for her Duty vibe. like i think she's just learned how to be content with whatever she's left with.#also she's her father's heir bc she's the only child to her father's First Wife. and thalia get step siblings along the way but i think tha#grief of losing her mother / becoming an adult/handling adult affairs quickly made her jaded on a lot of stuff#and she feels like it's her responsibility to lead her noble house to higher pastures so her step siblings can live freely#like she's just taking all the work to herself - as the Heir. and that's what she was doing UNTIL she gets the wild magic#now suddenly she feels like she's cursed. and the fact that it's chaotic by nature and so dangerous..!! she can't stay in court or at home#over the fear of harming someone. and she's learnt that to get rid of a problem you always have to go to the root of it#hence why she's travelling around finding more info and source of the wild magic in hopes to cure herself from it#and she kind of put her life on Pause bc she believes she can't get anywhere with this curse. but its like gworl u put ur life on pause lon#before that.. anyway her end goal is that once she cures herself and she's normal again she'll prob marry some other old money heir#set up trusts for her siblings and live a quiet life. but that wont happen obvi hehe#also one of the siblings' name is melpomene... being named from the goddess of comedy thalia is kinda boring lol#essentially her story is like. she learns how to have fun. essentially. depending on how i rp her idk yet actually
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Photo from my instagram story concerning my first attempt at rebinding!!!
#practicing for the solar lunacy bind#gotta get that muscle memory#bookbinding#like it says in the text i think ive mixed up a few steps but even with that its turning out pretty solid!!#i have a gilding kit on the way for lettering too but DEFINITELY need practice with hand lettering#but thats what all this is for so we all good#im excited for it to be done tbh#it actually looks not awful!!#also gonna print off some smaller works to practice signature sewing & text blocks but thats after ive got the hang of the covers methinks#!!!!!! im kinda stoked actually!!!#the book is called an elegy for easterly#though its not one ive actually read myself my mum plans to read it when im finished
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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i had a great day a comic con today!
highlights include meeting emelie de raven
annnnd getting my first tattoo!
#it's the x-men logo on my left bicep#i hadnt planned this at all - i didnt know you could get tats at cons#but i saw it. and liked the look of it. and something just clicked in my head. didn't get it right away tho i met emelie first#so i had all the time in the world. and while the photo with her was being processed - i got the tattoo#it turned out perfect. not gonna show it off because its been bleeding quite a bit and doesn't look so nice now#but when its all healed up and cleaned up i'll get some pics#but yeah. holy shit i have a tattoo. i drink alcohol and got modification on a whim? oh yes. im a wild girl now kjhfdskjh#anyways. its my first convention since 2018. and my first one without mum of course#i found out about it a week beforehand and it just felt right. which feels like a step in a good direction for me#i made the day of it. and spent the birthday money mum gave back in september. and then some!#nothing at comic con is cheap so i was like. fuck it go ham#i got lotsa merch. i think my favourite purchase (other than stuff with emelie and the tat) is a silver star trek ring i got <3#i like merch with staying power. like clothes and jewellery#oh oh speaking of which i wore my star trek voyager comm badge brooch today. i'd never worn it before so that was nice#one day im gonna get myself a voyager trek uniform to go with my badge and my pips. and i'll wear that to a con#i've gone to several cons but i've only cosplayed once! ...it can be tricky to get organised. but i'll do it again someday#so yeah great day! my feet are fucking killing me! but im so happy!
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#personal#soo ive discovered a giant hole in my back tooth because medicare doesnt cover dental except for children#and so i havent been since i was 21 and i try to maintain tooth health at home but im not very good at it#due to being raised wrong about it and also autistic and i cant afford even a basic clean and checkup#which is what i was actually looking in my mouth and deciding i need which would be about 300 bucks already#and now im scared to eat anything because i definitely cant afford to make this worse 🙃#genuinely so much bad shit has happened and every time its like. ok ill pick myself up cause no one else will and dust off and things#will be fine in the end they always are and my heart believes this will be fine too but i dont remember the last time i was#this genuinely legitimately scared. im so scared and i dont know what to do#i know the next steps is to call dentists in my area tomorrow and check if they do medicare but i feel i already know the answer#idk if its better to have looked or to not and be able to live my life but its food time and i cant make myself eat#im scared to make it worse im scared of the pain that might cause im scared of the upward 2k damage costs if it gets worse#fuck#fucking fuck#okok panick attack over i have a two step plan: part one call around tomorrow and see if anyone takes medicare#part two: i have pliars and towels and painkillers and a lot of conviction in both my diy skills and my caring for my own wounds skills#in the mean time just be more dilligent to brush immediately after eating and ill grab mouthwash too as soon as i can as im currently out#i have a family friend whos a vet maybe theyve ripped out a rotted dogs tooth or two before and could help. but ill cross that bridge#when i get to it fir neow i should check with real dentists before making assumptions. and eat because ive been crying and shaking#and was already hungry and now am exhausted. from the aforementioned shaking and crying and need to eat even more#in all cases. dentist on medicare being the best obviously but in all cases im gonna ask to keep my tooth. unless i do it i dont need to ask#but i forgot when i had my wisdoms out a a few years ago. holy fuck that was like a decade ago actually wtf#ima make a necklace out of it since its just the one and not a pair#and just like that things will be fine. as expected as they always are once the panick mode is done im ok i have a plan and im good
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hey y'all, anyone have any good stress relief tehniques or habits they'd like to share cuz I've been more stressed in the last 3 weeks then I was in the last 6 months
#to cut the long story short my mom had to sell the old house cuz her broke ass couldnt afford to keep it up#eventho it is a whole ass hoarders house and was in shambles with a flooded basement a collapsing ceiling in at least 2 rooms plus mold#and the stench a dirt and dog piss and shit all over the floor really made it worse then it was#but yeah so shes been staying with me and my grandma and its been awful#she hasnt been taking any of the medicine the doctors gave her when she snapped and started a fight and also started screaming at neighbour#so shes been terrorizing us here while the house has become her second hoarders den since she dragged so much crap here#my backyard side entrance and front porch are full of her shit and my grandma hates it since she can barely step into the house#so since she kept looking for places way out of her budget i had to go do house hunting since my useless sister is busy getting lit again#so ive been showing her shit in her price range that was under 420k cuz im not a moron who looks at 800k homes when i have 570k#and each time she has a new complaint saying its too expenive or its too small or its too old when she said she wants to do renovations#but shes saying she wants to renovate a newly renovated place instead of an old one#so i just showed her a house near my sisters uni and she liked the inside & backyard but she complained that 400k for newly renovated 3 bed#that is literally a 9 minute drive from my sisters uni is too expensive when shes the one who was looking at an old ass unrenovated bungalo#that is a street over from us that is 800k and she says it looks like garbage cuz an old lady previously owned it before dying#like no shit it looks old cuz older people lived those decades and like it and she just keeps doing her bullshit again & again#cuz when i tell you her mind is gone i mean it is GONE and she starts up all these wild stories to just explain some shit#like something goes missing? the neighbours are hungarian and stole it and left the hoard of junk in her old house#she has more stupid stories to harass and stress us out with but if im gonna share that ill have to write a book about it cuz fuck#and you know its bad when no one else can stand being in any contact with her cuz she starts screaming at people about it#so the only one who even likes her anymore is my sister and thats cuz shes deep in denial about just how insane she is & how abusive she is#so yeah i need some stress relief help that maybe isnt constantly hitting up maryjane cuz i dont do weed often especially since shes here#cuz weed 'burns your brain & makes you crazy like this' when shes the only one whos ever infuriated me to astronimical levels#i know retail therapy helped before she came here but i dont want to keep spending money i dont really have#it would be great tho but shes refusing to give me the 70k she said was mine from the house sale so i can cut her out for good
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😍😍😍
#accidentally slept through my only class today#which whoops sorry. (my 9am english)#which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay#anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb#but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked#around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal#and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back#got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow#then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive#been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea#(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize)#and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc#they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even#had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!!#didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks#and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i#grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like#card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill#backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333#anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops#blah#oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being#silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too
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