#its literally a lose-lose-lose scenario rn so i think i just have to cut my losses | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

m1ckeyb3rry · 3 months ago

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It’s truly a monster of a work LOL maybe someday….the wc is fr insane maybe it’s what influenced you /j

HAHA “just make an oc” is CRAZY but SO TRUE like guys this isn’t even the same character atp

PAUSEE NAGI TAKING OVER THE YOTD FIC IDEA??? Adapting it to fit the original universe sounds a little complicated but if you ever decide to write that I bet it’d be fire….second lead Rin….haha guys!!

I’m actually living for these peregrine rants HELLO?? I love the angst and drama the three main fights also I’m CRYING reader drunkenly approaching Kira bc she thought he was NAGI IM DEAD stop I live for this shit the orie viral news misunderstanding??? Stop this is literally like one of my favorite types of scenarios

I’m laughing so hard the “damn you’re really that emotional over your friends’ wedding good for you” is so fucking funny and it’s also such a Nagi thing to think but THE CONFESSION AT THE WEDDING AND KIRA TWEAKING and CHIGIRI DUMPJNG THW WINE AND DROPPING THAT LINE??? TOO GOOD >>>>>> I can’t that’s also so chigiri holy cow the red hair comeback line is actually too genius I’m losing my mind thinking about it

Peregrine goes so fucking hard……omfg…GUYS..!!!!! Makes me wanna go reread it rn this plot is fr cooking though

LMAOO REAL tiktok truly has its ways…but omg BAROU NEXT I second that I’m actually so excited for Barou’s version too based off our convo it’s gonna be really entertaining to read….im ngl I almost forgot niko was in peregrine too Lowk him in that sidekick-esque role is perfect

LMAOA bro my grind is nothing compared to your writing grind HAHA im also just gonna put my response here to cut down on asks

LMAOAOA no bc my face when i realized….usually he has his trademark “mediocre/dunce” that’s all the same phrase (romanized to bon) but I’ve literally never seen him use this phrase ANYWHERE except for in reference to kiyora so im assuming it must be specifically set aside for him??? Lmao????? It’s basically the same just means “mediocre/average/nothing special” but the way he purposefully uses a different phrase for kiyora has me going crazy

MY EXACT THOUGHTS I read that and snorted that’s so otoya LMAOO but from that it seems like otoya Karasu (and probably himizu) ganged up on/bullied kiyora LOL bro really had all the opps on his team Nagi’s team adopting him like they’re cps has me cackling they really said “let’s get you out of this hostile environment” but FRRRR can’t wait….speaking of new chapters have you seen the ones for the main series yet? I don’t have all that many thoughts about it but we’re finally moving ig?? LOL

- Karasu anon

LMAOO miraverse fic w an orv word count when??? jk idk if i could ever write something that long…200k words is my sweet spot that’s about how long pomegranate ink and endure are (give or take ten thousand) so if i do end up writing something crazy for bllk it’ll probably be abt that length (one of my aot fics was supposed to end up at 500-600k words but i got out of aot so i never finished it 😓 but if you ever see me posting abt ship in the harbor that’s the one!! people really liked it despite it being hardly related to aot and they surprisingly LOVED the ocs i literally still get asks abt them)

LMAOO NO BECAUSE IT’S SO TRUE making ocs is fun there’s nothing wrong with it but stop misinterpreting kaiser like this bro is not your playboy dom daddy he probably has intimacy issues 😭

OKAY BUT IT RLLY COULD COOK it would be sad asf though like major character death sad 😓 since if i did it it’d be a reworking of year of the roses and in that hak literally kills shinah (cue time travel shenanigans that actually just lead to the same inevitable outcome) so uhhh rin stans and nagi stans alike might hate me (it would go crazy though if my tik tok audios fail me i’ll def consider doing that)

LMAOOOO NO BECAUSE I WAS GIGGLING WHEN I THOUGHT OF THAT like why would nagi even be there?? but yk drunk logic 😭 no but that’s such a butterfly effect moment because if she hadn’t gone to the party and met kira she probably would’ve called nagi during the whole orie misunderstanding and straightened things out pretty fast but because kira was there and ready she just gave up and didn’t even try 😓

HAHA plsss no nagi was just trying to cover for her he kinda picked up that smth else was wrong just because he knew her so well but he didn’t want to embarrass her in front of everyone so that’s why he made the excuse and then asked her again privately why she was upset!! when he’s a considerate king 🤩 he’s had many years to think about what he could have done better so he’s def reformed a bit…and LMAOO miraverse chigiri is truly superior he’s sooo funny and sassy i love him he’s fr peregrine reader’s platonic soulmate they are SO funny in the college era!! because their hangouts are basically may and reo being all lovey dovey and then reader + chigiri making fun of them (also the chigiri and kira beef is LEGENDARY HAHA)

I MISS PEREGRINE it’s actually so fun so interesting so cool one day i will return to the grind for it omg i’ve gotten so many people asking abt when i will update again and i’m just like 😰 idkkk

HELP niko consistently in his sidekick era he’s always there in some way shape or form i can’t help it it’s just the exact vibe he’s always bringing to the function!! BAROU’S VERSION WILL BE SO FUN i am sososo excited for the oaeu imagine i start writing it now even though i still have requests to do…NO I MUSTN’T

THEY ARE SO MEAN TO KIYORA BRO you know it’s bad when barou and nagi seem like cuddly sweethearts in comparison 😭 honestly justice for kiyora no wonder he’s always ready to fight i would be too 😓 and smh karasu bro rlly went from the bullied to the bully…I CAN FIX HIM THOUGH TRUST next epinagi chapter will be me standing there w my hands on karasu’s shoulders like “look at me baby 🥺 this isn’t you 🥺” FJDJDJSJSJ jkjk

yesss i did see the new chap!! okay wait i was joking abt the this isn’t you but why was isagi deadass serving the 🥺 emoji in that one panel w rin i hope yk what i’m talking abt…at least rin finally scored YAYY i’m hoping the match ends soon just one more goal to go!! and then the next arc begins…or maybe we finally get a peek at barcha vs manshine!! rooting for nagi to come back 🤩

#answered asks

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sidneycarter · 4 years ago

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ok everyone’s been talking about Sullivan’s sadist in control energy/ I have THOUGHTS about both that and Sid x Sullivan as always

(under the cut for obv reasons)

ok so I’ve been thinking about this deeply for far too long but leave me alone it’s been a long week

so Sullivan has massive sadist energy but I’m saying it’s not authentic HEAR ME OUT HERE

literally everything everyone has said this week about Sullivan liking to be in control etc etc is 100% ACCURATE AND CORRECT

he really does crave control and loves getting under people’s skin and picking fights and having people do shit for him BUT... that’s not his end goal... at least not always... my hc is that what Sullivan wants is to have all the power, all the control, but then for someone to take it away from him

LISTEN!!!! there’s a vibe with Sullivan that I can never put my finger on and I’m like ? What is it with you. He’s like...... repressed and uptight but also seems like he’d be a bit.... chaotic and wild.

but... when you look at Sullivan provoking people, his response is kinda,, odd. He tends to flirt-fight with people, provoking them in a teasing and irritating af way. like when he’s flirting with fighting sid, it’s almost like he’s trying to force Sid to snap and kiss him fight him. “Well yeah, of course??”Is what ur thinking rn... “isn’t that the point of provoking someone??? Getting them to fight??”

IT IS MY DEAR FRIENDS, HOWEVER...

when u look at Sid trying to fight someone, he’s kinda different. Take the incident with Father Roland... the whole time in that scenario Sid is completely in control. Even when father Roland snaps and actually raises a fist as if he’s going to hit Sid, Sid barely flinches. He’s chill, he’s calm, he’s got the situation under control. He knows that even if someone were to fight him, that boy is BACKING HIMSELF. Sid seems to like provoking people to almost reinforce(?) his own dominance. Like a reminder to himself that he’s still got it ya know? He likes proving that he’s right lol

Sullivan, on the other hand, seems to get a little thrill from being threatened, but in a different way. He’s built up such this scary dickhead persona, of someone who is in control, dominant, a great leader. But we all know that man is insecure as fuck and he clings to that status he’s built up around himself

because he’s so “scary” to most people, very few people are actually brave enough to challenge him. And when they do (cough cough Sid) that’s like,,, hot. because how often do people’s sexual desires come from the forbidden/taboo?? Quite a lot...

the idea of Sullivan losing his status/power/control is SCARY for him... but it’s also kinda sexy. Everything Sullivan has been taught to be, everything he’s built up around himself, that is something that’s NOT supposed to be broken down by some local petty thief. Sullivan’s supposed to be above that. but somehow he isn’t. the temptation for a huge subversion of the life he’s created is TOO MUCH.

Sullivan wants to be dominant all the time, but sometimes just wants someone to be even bigger than him, even more in control, even more sadistic.this man is just begging to be put in his plACE and he’s waiting for someone who can be even more of a shit than he’s made himself

and Sid doesn’t need to be dominant all the time because he’s more secure in who he is, but sometimes he would like people to notice just exactly what he’s capable of.PERFECT OPPORTUNITY HERE

so u can imagine when they get together there are FIREWORKS, and I’m sure u can fill in those blanks.

DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE???? IDEK IF ITS PHRASED PROPERLY BUT I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE?????

#Sid x Sullivan #father brown #yes I’m aware this is far too much of a think piece for somethinf so minor but I had tHOUGHTS #I also agree with literally every hc and interpretation of sully boi #I love Dom sully sub sully give it all to me I don’t cARE BABY

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wri0thesley · 4 years ago

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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lazaruspiss · 1 year ago

Text

adding a cut bc hah. aha. im normal.

once upon a time i was talking in the DMs with a friend about betas in omegaverse sex trafficking/breeding rings (essentially being given to omegas as comfort objects) and i got a Very Specific mental image of a mutual noncon scenario, of a beta+omega+one to two alphas. my friend says "is this juicier if the beta wanted the omega. and now is bitter that some random alpha is fucking them better than the beta ever could. even when the omega is trying to beg for the beta. is that anything" and i knew in my heart of hearts i had to make this tim/dick. like the concept had me up the walls so fast.

THEN it got wayyyy longer. like several pages worth of DMs about a ra's/tim/dick plot. which is what im working on rn. current title is 'Nature's Order (As Told From Alpha To Beta)' which Will make sense i swear. i have an outline started and a few context-less lines already.

like i said my notes are literally pages and need to be whittled down but im gonna try and explain it without making an entire essay about a fic i havent even written yet.

SO. timmy. actually im just gonna copy paste this bit from my doc

I have something of a ‘main’ omegaverse AU in my mind, and in that one Tim unlearns his shitty thinking via dating Omega!Steph and having some eye opening heart to hearts. (and getting pegged also helped.) This fic is essentially one huge butterfly effect where Tim and Steph never meet and instead of Steph teaching him about omegas it’s… Ra’s. It goes about as well as you’d think it would.

But even before Ra's, Tim is a bit. hm. sexist in a way that people usually ignore bc he'll "grow out of it". and he's also just very quiet about it bc he sort of knows that it wouldn't go over well. it's important to me that at the start you can look at him and think that if he had just gotten a decent talking to then everything that happens after could have been avoided. bc u know. hurts more when you can look back and go this mightve been avoidable </3

Tim has a Dick obsession, who doesn't! but he has no clue how to approach it normally. Dick is, quite literally, the only omega Tim has hung out with on a regular basis. his parents were betas, bruce is an alpha, and this is pre young justice or a no young justice AU so his social circle is very limited. looking up advice for courting omegas just brings up alpha bro podcasts. (which tim dismisses not bc of the sexism, but bc hes not sure how it would transfer over if he tried it as a beta)

so tim sabotages Dick's medication for his heat and plans his confession for the time he thinks Dick's judgement will be the most impaired by omega hormones. as one does.

Ra's has Also been tracking Dick and his cycles as part of his whole heir thing. Probably because he and Talia got into a fight about her having a baby, or smth along those lines. So hes stealing the detective's omega son to use as a living incubator. as one does.

Ra's kidnaps the both of them, deciding to take Tim for the whole 'omega comfort object' bit i mentioned before.

over the course of the kidnapping it becomes clear that this is an omegaverse sexism kicked up to 11 type of environment. if Tim is a slave then Dick is toy. even narratively i wanna play into it, with perspectives switching from Dick to Tim as Dick loses more and more of his agency. Ra's very much exploits Tim's existing beliefs in order to fully convince him of the A>B>O hierarchy. Even when Ra's punishes Tim he does it in a way that still maintains that Tim is more deserving of basic respect than Dick. (or any other omega, but dick is kind of the main vessel for that)

Also Dick absolutely gets pregnant very early on into the kidnapping, in no small part due to Tim's past interference with his medication. whoops?

And I have way more written out. it gets even worse. it's so fun. it's also crazy long and i am so scared but i Do wanna write it!! just. augh. my doc for this story is already 6 pages total and its almost entirely just notes. anyways. sorry for the wall of text, heres one of the 3 lines i've actually written so far.

"Your alpha never did mate you, by the looks of it. From what Talia's said it seems he hasn't fucked you at all. Poor thing. The detective doesn't know what he's missing." It’s far from the first time someone has insinuated something less than appropriate about Dick and Bruce’s relationship, hell, it’s not even the first time Ra’s has implied it. But hearing it while drugged and tied up in such a violating position is enough to make Dick whimper as he fights against the beginnings of tears in his eyes and a sob in his throat.

dreamy sigh. you know the angst is gonna be fun when just writing the outline has your stomach in knots

#live writing #making a tag like that. dangerous. gives future me permission to do this more often.#i left out A Lot bc i was like.. hm. this might be better as a surprise...#on one hand i want to tell u Everything but on the other :(

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iuwon · 3 years ago

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hello lina!!

🎐anon here,, i'm sorry it took me like a week to reply back..., i had exams this week and i tend to stay off my socmeds during exam week not because i want to focus on studying, no, no, absolutely not but because exams literally suck the soul out of me and i have no energy left to even open my socmeds or indulge in anything 😭, i literally take a 2 hour nap every time i finish one exam paper. so yeah... tough week and i'm glad its over. i have another big exam period starting on nov 16th so i'll have to study hard for that but, guess its freedom for now. anyways!! sorry i ranted too much. first thing i saw when i opened tumblr tonight was your pda hc post and omg 💘💘💘 , you literally never disappoint ?? i love it... especially jake's.... 'that's my girl' bruvv butterflies in my stomach. it's so rewarding to read your writings first thing after exams are over and i can finally open tumblr ㅠㅠ. oh and for the kpop groups i stan question,, i have 2 groups i ult rn which are aespa and enhypen!! i use to ult nct though back in 2018-2020 and i still keep up with them a little. i want to write down a lot more but i think i already said too much hahaha so i'll stop here. and please tell me about your week too 🥺. i want to listen and read about how it went or just little, memorable things that made you happy this week cause yk, i admire you and i want to understand you more

xoxo, 🎐

AHHH HI HI HI BB I REALLY MISSED YOU YOU'RE BACK. BRB SCREAMING

OKAY HOLD ON IM PUTTING A CUT BC THIS IS GONNA BE PRETTY LONG

AND NO NO IT'S ALL GOOD DON'T WORRY !!! priority is always important if not ppl end up like me 😻 I HOPE IT WENT WELL FINGERS CROSSED PRAYING ON MY KNEES THAT YOU GOT THE RESULTS YOU WANTED !! UGHHH tell me about it, exams are so mentally draining and exhausting just thinking about it makes me want to collapse. naps are always essential i live for sleep ✨ seriously i do nothing but fangirl, eat, sleep and study.

AHH NOV 16 THAT'S TOO SOON 😡 personally i need at least like,, 1-2 months of rest before another exam. FOR THE MEANTIME please rest well !!! sleep like a panda and eat like a panda 🤩 don't worry too much to prevent stress because you had it so rough oml :((( seeing how you turned off social media due to how drained you were just proved how much effort you placed into the exams 😼 but please please don't overexert yourself during the next batch of exams !!! i hate exams just for that reason only. make sure to never pressure or stress yourself with negativity no matter what scenario you're doing the best and that's all that matters !! 💞 NO FEEL FREE TO RANT ALL THAT YOU CAN

AGJWFEJFAJJWE OMG THE FACT THAT I WAS THE FIRST POST YOU SAW BACK ON TUMBLR #*%#*$%* IT'S GIVING ME EMOTIONS I'M GONNA YELL. AWEJGJWSK THANK YOU FOR READING AND ENJOYING THE HC WTF YOU'RE SO SWEET ????????? SERIOUSLY WHEN I READ THIS I STARTED SCREAMING AND JUMPING ON MY BED 💀💀

literally reading this is so rewarding like HELP you now and forever will hold the ability to say things that i can't stop thinking about 😭😭 AND OHHH AESPA AND ENHA !!! aespa along w bp and itzy are the gg i stan 😌😌 i used to stan nct too !!! but i somehow got pretty busy so i rarely just watch their videos 😭 i think enha and bts are the only groups that i'm up to date w/ but even so i'm still behind with their updates 💀 AND NOO ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO WRITE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO !!! i really love receiving asks and hearing from you, like honestly, it's so hard to explain 😭

"admire" SQUEAL CRYING EATING WALLS ROLLING SOBBING SCREAMING YELLING HOLLERING WHIMPERING HEART BLEEDING. NO BC THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL W YOU, YOU'RE LITERALLY JUST SO 10000000000% ?@#%?@!???INHALES. EXHALES. one day i will lose my sanity

BUT PLACING SCHOOL ASIDE I HAD A 4 DAY BREAK !! it's just about to end and school is starting tomorrow 🥀 i watched k-dramas w/ my mom, had late-night snacks (i love love love having late-night snacks/noodles it tastes so much better at night), and cooked breakfast for my family for 4 days (not really fun since i had to wake up earlier but at least i can cook) !!! it was so so fun :))

i'm going to the hospital tomorrow though !! our country doesn't allow vaccinations on minors so my doctor is issuing some special treatment to get me one on Friday !! i think i'm getting the faiser (is that how it's spelled HELP) or the moderna one and i'm pretty nervous bc i heard those are pretty painful (I HATE VACCINATIONS i am forever a kid at heart). i have online classes tomorrow so my mom is telling my to bring my phone instead to listen to my classes (a 100% fail but i can't argue against my asian mom). OHHH ALSO i was away from my gadgets the whole 4 days I JUST CAME BACK AND I SAW THE BTS SEASONS GREETINGS 2022 AJFEJGJAWSFJWEJ JIKOOK HELLO ?????????????????????????????? ,,,,, waIT hold on do you stan bts ?? I'M SO SORRY IF I'M JUST SPOUTING OUT NONSENSE <//3 but hmmm other than school i don't really have much going on 😭 currently going to study for my statistics quiz even though it's a rest day today 😡 ANYWHO HOW ARE YOU DOING THOUGH ??? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO WITH YOUR REST ??? OR HALLOWEEN ???

#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ anonymous!#🎐 anon

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butchedyke · 5 years ago

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(for the char thing) stanley uris, mike hanlon, and patty blum

migz!!!! i’m sorry i abandoned this in favour of video games and capitalism i hope i can make it up to u uwu

this is mostly going off the movies but there’s occasional book and miniseries input- i’ve only read the first few chapters, a few wikia pages, and some character meta from the book and i’ve only seen the miniseries once vs the however many times ive watched the movies in the last 2 months so don’t expect consistency between canons

(also i’m gonna put these under a cut because this post got really long)

stanley uris

How I feel about this character:

there is a reason i use the tag baby boy for stan (and also for miniseries eddie)!!!! he’s my favourite loser other than eddie and i want to like. hold him and make sure he’s happy and healthy and i think stephen king should treat his characters better.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

patty!!!!! their relationship in the book makes me so happy and anyone who’s ever spoken to me about stanpat knows that i am at all times thinking about how she calls his car sedanley.

that being said, i respect stenbrough, stanlon, and streddie but overall this is a stanpat household

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan with all the losers but especially richie! which isn’t very original since they are literally best friends but their dynamic!!! good!!!! i’ve not been able to stop thinking about that one scene from the miniseries where richie introduces stan as “this is stan the man uris, he’s a jew,” partially because it’s fucking funny because who says that richie what the fuck, but also because stan just instantly follows up by saying that richie has a high metabolism which makes him hyperactive, and maybe it’s because the miniseries is campy and a little bit shit but the delivery of those lines makes it seem like they do this a lot! they have these introductions ready to go! and i love the idea of them as a platonic package deal even if we don’t get to see much of that in the movies

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t think i really have any? i tend to follow people who hold the same opinions as me tho so i have no idea what’s popular outside of that dshfk

i mean i do think fics that save eddie but not stan aren’t really fix-its and going off the amount of fics where stan’s still dead i guess that’s somehow an unpopular opinion? i know everyone’s focused on reddie rn but god like. stan is right there can we stop ignoring him pls

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i mean the most blatantly obvious answer here is that i wish he didn’t die! he should’ve gotten to go on his holiday and rail/get railed by his wife and live to meet his friends as adults, catch up on the 27 years they didn’t get to be with each other. he should’ve gotten to have kids, once everything was over, and they should’ve been able to grow up with 5 extra uncles and an aunt bc u can’t tell me the rest of the losers wouldn’t be deeply embedded in their lives. i just wish stan had a chance to be completely, 100% happy without the underlying terror of his childhood.

on a smaller note i also wish we’d gotten to see more of his interest in birds in the movies bc like. he’s babie. and who knows! maybe would’ve helped stop the perception that his entire personality is just being a bitch that hates richie jshfd

mike hanlon

How I feel about this character:

part of the reason i wanted to read the book was for more mike content because i adore this lil farm boy and the movies. well. y’know. :). characters who just openly and whole-heartedly love their friends and go straight ride or die like 10 minutes after meeting them have my whole heart! he’s so smart and so kind and just wanted to protect his friends as best he could even though he dragged them into this whole mess bc he doesn’t want to lose them again!!!! mike deserves the whole world and if his way of getting that is by getting out of derry and getting to know that his friends remember and love him and each other then that’s all i want for him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

i wasn’t overly set on any particular mike ship until i watched the miniseries and saw the homoerotic bike montage and now i’m fully on the hanbrough train. choo choo.

just like with stan i support stanlon but endgame hanbrough is just. it’s right there in the text. bill didn’t divorce audra for nothing in ch2.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

this also kinda ties in with the last point, but jane @billdenbrough opened my eyes, in the middle of a very in-depth conversation about audra’s minion strap, to the world of best friends mike and audra who are both with bill which is both galaxy brained and an incredibly good concept which i think about a lot

also i think mike and ben could’ve had something Incredibly soft if mike wasn’t treated like a background character in the first film and a quest-giving npc in the second one :) :)

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i headcanon mike as gay, i have no textual evidence for this, i just think he’s neat. i think it’s a pretty popular opinion that the movies treated him poorly? and i also think that in ch2 he was just trying to protect his friends in a scenario that did not lend itself at all to protection. drugging bill and not telling the others about the full ritual might not have been the best thing to do, but he was in a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, and he was trying his best to save his friends no matter how impossible it may have been.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i uh :) i don’t know if anyone’s figured out yet :) that i wish many things had happened with mike in canon :) :) the first film doesn’t give him much but the second film just infuriates me completely tbqh! he’s basically entirely there to push the narrative (his dialogue doesn’t even sound like dialogue! it sounds like prose explaining the plot and the next steps the characters have to take!), or to drug and lie to his friends. i wish they’d kept his backstory the same, that we’d actually gotten to see him find his token, that he’d gotten a token relevant to him as an individual rather than the group, that we’d gotten a flashback for him, that he was given more screentime and development across both films, like... i wish he’d been treated like the other losers and not a plot point.

i also wish we’d gotten to see him on his travels post-canon, seeing the other losers, and just generally actually getting to be happy- we see the start of it but god i just want to see him having a good time outside of derry.

patty blum

How I feel about this character:

if she were not stan’s wife she would be my wife. we don’t get to see much of her in the movie or miniseries and that is a fucking crime!!!! i’ve already mentioned sedanley but like. sedanley. i’ve read patty’s bit in the book and that’s all i need the other 1100 pages can get fucked, she’s just here to watch family feud and love stan which i can confidently say is a huge fucking mood

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

STAN. i guess i already talked about this before but i’ll keep going!!! my love for stanpat overwhelms my usual distaste towards straight relationships bc they’re so good!!!!! the fact that they’re really the only happy relationship to come out of the 27 year gap and they love each other so much and so like... wholesomely? but they still blow each other’s backs out on the reg and it’s what they deserve.

also i sometimes think about patty/audra as like. kind of a crack ship kind of a “i’m a lesbian and i’m desperate to see lesbians” ship. i haven’t thought about it in depth i just want to plant the seed

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan introducing patty to the losers and patty becoming an honorary loser is my weakness!!!! patty being comfortable enough to rib richie (and richieandeddie) with stan, but also vice versa going along with richie’s bits. patty and bev getting close because as much as st*phen k*ng and co push bev as One Of The Boys(tm) there’s just something in having another woman around that can be refreshing especially when they’re both bicons. patty and mike enthusiastically sharing holiday pictures and tales of their trips. patty noticing when eddie’s having a bad day, whether it’s anxiety or lingering trauma, and supporting him through it, regaling him with stories about stan and what essentially amount to dad jokes (sedanley!!!) and making sure he knows he’s loved and supported by all the losers. patty, the teacher, and ben, lunchtimes-in-the-library ben who never outgrew his love of reading, nerding out over shit that the others don’t really know about. bill telling patty all about what stan was like as a kid in that way only bill can, richie chiming in with crude comments sometimes but noticeably keeping quieter than usual, and patty returning the favour, telling them about the last 27 years, and not even richie makes a single joke when everyone tears up (because he’s tearing up the most). stan sitting there the whole time not even bothering to point out that he’s right there because it’s enough for him to see the romantic love of his life and the platonic loves of his life bonding, and yeah, maybe it was worth sticking around for.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t know if this is unpopular but patty pegs. that’s all.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

more patty. let me see my wife.

#eddiekissbrak #migz this has literally taken me hours i hope ur happy #i can't remember if the book specifies what patty teaches so i'm taking some liberties because i don't care what stephen king has to say #kinda went off the shits with patty there rip #i'm also like. not good with thoughts or with words so im sorry if this is underwhelming dgfhjsk

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fairycosmos · 5 years ago

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Will u please give a poor soul a wee bit of advice as you’re a goddess of wisdom. I’m going into my last year of high school in a month & I feel so overwhelmed with the stress of the final exams and the application process for college. I’m mentally ill & while I used to be a good student, I have fallen down a slippery slope & I don’t know if I can deal with the pressure. Should I take a gap year before I go to college? I think it may lift some weight off, but it may also do more harm than good.

hey babeyyyy :(( i'm really sorry to hear that!! school is so fucking stressful and it's natural to worry about your final year, it just means you care about doing well. that's to be expected. but if you have preexisting mental health issues, your brain may force you to compulsively wonder about worst case scenarios and uncontrollable factors, as a way to induce self hatred or anxiety. it's a tactic, a side effect. but a lot of these thoughts do not reflect your reality or what the future will actually be like. there's no way of knowing, and you still have a whole year to adapt and to learn. the most likely outcome is that you will find a middle ground eventually. so breathe. i know it feels unimaginably awful at the moment, but identifying the difference between fact and fear will allow you to stay grounded in the present. it's ok if it takes a while to get to that point, or if your emotions overwhelm you at times. you've gotten through it before and you will again. sometimes all you can do is cry and lose it and let the 'episode' run its course. but as long as you're even just attempting to cope in a healthy way, through talking to someone you trust or distracting yourself, then you're doing great. better than you realize. another important thing to keep in mind is that your mental health is always more important than your education. just because it's your last year, doesn't mean you have to drop everything, no matter what the adults tell you. your academic career doesn't have to be linear, doesn't have to look like everyone else's. if you have to take a mental health day, or ask your teachers for additional support, you are TOTALLY entitled to that. in fact i encourage it. 'that' part of your brain may try to twist the narrative, may try to place blame or guilt, but your mental illness is not a reflection of your capability or your worth. and neither are your grades. don't ascribe morality or personhood to a letter on a page. the actual experience of leaving high school will probably teach you more than your lessons, in a good and bad way. anyway it's cool if you don't quite believe me right now, but i just hope that concept sticks in your head. ultimately though, all you have to do is take it a day at a time. create a simple short term plan and stick to it as best you can, repeatedly. with regular breaks of course. and make sure at least one of your teachers knows the gist of what's going on so you can keep an honest dialogue with them. it's a matter of finding what works for you, and adjusting accordingly. prioritising your mental well being should always be your goal, because everything starts with you. if you're not practicing self compassion, everything else feels a hundred times more daunting.

anywhere as far as the gap year goes, i think it's a good idea if it makes the upcoming year feel less scary. it's your life and your desicion. and theres literally no wrong answer. and you have a while to mull on it, you don't have to know for sure right now. if you need some time to truly focus on yourself then there's no harm in that. in fact i kind of think it's a sign of maturity when you know what you need and how to give it to yourself. if you can recognize that you're slipping, then that's actually a good sign. because you understand that you need help. you're not buying into any illusions. as a side note - of course, school brings structure which alleviates the impact of many mental health issues. when i briefly left college, i had no excuse to leave the house, and everything festered and i became even more isolated. though i did need that break to figure some shit out. as with everything, there's positives and negatives. so just be sure to keep up with smaller goals if you take time off, that's all. use the break to look into getting professional help if you haven't already. and try to practice self soothing exercises on a weekly or daily basis, even if you feel dumb. gap years are great tools if utilized correctly and fuck anyone who has anything to say about it. college will always be there, and even if you don't go at all for any reason - it wouldn't be the end of the world. there must be a lot of pressure rn for you but so much of it is just,,, bullshit. hindsight will allow you to see that. just gotta let yourself get to that point by living the natural solutions to your worries, and getting by a day at a time. when that feels like too much, an hour at a time. you're obviously still young as hell and your future is so much wider than your brain is allowing you to see. i promise! above all though, keep in mind that there are people to talk to and countless resources out there whenever you're struggling - whether it's at school, or in your community or your family, or through your doctor - there is always someone to turn to and always a way forward. the biggest trick of mental illness is that it convinces you otherwise, but it's a notorious liar. so. try not to self isolate even when the urge is there, and done be afraid to talk about what's going on in your head. let it be embarrassing. block everything else out and look at what will make you feel happier with your own existence from an objective perspective. cause that's all that matters really. anyway i'm wishing you so much luck with your final year and whatever happens, i hope you make some decent memories :) be sure to cut yourself some slack when possible. remember, the desicion is yours, no matter what. sending a lot of love to you!! let me know if you need a friend or want to walk more about it. (also goddess of wisdom sfhjhsdhh im a whole dumbass but. thank you lil peach 💞)

#anon #why do these always get so long. im saying like 1 thing of substance

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cow3survivor · 4 years ago

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Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

youtube

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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celestialallstars · 5 years ago

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Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

________________________________________________________________

Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal. I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

________________________________________________________________

As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

youtube

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

________________________________________________________________

Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

youtube

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

________________________________________________________________

Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

#episode #shinebright

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goldalmonds · 7 years ago

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always felt that someone saying “I can’t stand drama” is creating drama in itself and I can’t believe that the day has come where I have to say this but I can’t stand drama. AND I can’t believe that it’s happening right in front of my eyes. to 20 over year olds.

I swear to the high heavens if I have to hear this whole spiel clearly tailored to make boys feel special or feel like it’s all about him and her against the world and love conquers all I will just wipe my hands off everything. barely could hold back myself from being really sarcastic or blunt.

so let’s go through the checklist

"lots of guys are chasing me rn haha and I’m trying sooooo hard but I can’t shake them off and really 2 of them are my best friends so I don’t want to hurt their feelings yanoo?” - read: I actually like the attention, I have no boundaries or I have no intention of setting them. I get it - I had to change my number because of 3 very persistent guys, 2 of them which are quite creepy, and I actually feel quite bad because I stopped dating the last one because it was going nowhere, but he clearly thought it was. but that’s the point - I changed my number. I cut them off and never brought them up again. what’s the point of bringing them up? only if they are still in your life and your date needs to know about them, which then leads to why?

of course it could very well just be guy playing it up because it makes him feel good - she’s desirable but she only likes him. he’s the most mature and sincere one!!!!!

guy - if you fall for girl the because she says she secretly likes you but pushed you away because she’s afraid of getting into a relationship, but somehow still pursues the relationship with no intention of stopping - is it because it makes you feel special? I’m so afraid but I like you so much that I can’t stop. this screams I act on my emotions and I let my emotions control my behaviour to me. ie. drama

love is about supporting each other and accepting flaws. reasonable statement and ideal quality. unless its a way to justify your own hero complex and insecurities. because you fall in love very quickly with someone when they say they have a few mental health diagnoses and they need to feel supported. if you love someone because they have issues, it’s fetishing them.

also falling in love after 1 date and within a week of talking to her, and saying with a straight face how much you love her unconditionally, really isn’t the best thing. it screams I need intimacy and I don’t care who it’s from. it can also play out into scenarios where you just need to see her all the time, feel needed by her, feel like you’re privy to her innermost demons and that you’re the hero of her life. trust me - this was my ex. he definitely didn’t like it when I wasn’t sad and clingy and saying how much I needed him. actually, I didn’t need him more than the average person should. which made him feel unloved. how is that a good thing

saying “let’s just take it slow over a year”. if you don’t mean it, don’t say it, and then use it as a prop for your next move which is to fall in love fast and hard and then claim you couldn’t help yourself because you two were so right for each other. ie. drama. you want to be friends, stay friends. you want to love each other but is hesitant because one or both of you are not emotionally stable enough - well then, anything more I can say?

having mental issues is NOT an excuse to behave like an asshole, or to refuse to be self-reflective, or to learn coping skills so that you don’t hurt people you love. it’s much harder for you than people without mental illnesses and I’m sorry for that, but really.

also guy - for the longevity of your future relationship there should be a fucking LIMIT to how many and to what extent of flaws you want to be able to support. hanging with a guy in love with her and pouring all YOUR relationship troubles to him is unacceptable in some people’s eyes. you can’t just say oh she’s lonely and his love and care is better than no one’s. hating your friends is because she’s really insecure is also really not a good one. willfully letting emotions dictate how you act without any sort of attempt to control them is not just a mental health issue anymore, it’s a willful flaw. also, with your own issues to handle, can you really handle all hers too? or will you crash and burn?

I just don’t want late night texts every week alternating between something wonderful happened - we love each other! to she did this really questionable thing, validate my decision to support and love her and forgive her.

your ideal traits in a partner shouldn’t only be the base few that, like, even an NPC SO has, like not being an asshole and loving you. that’s literally like, if you don’t have both of these traits you’re a stranger.

also I think there’s an important distinction between ideal traits for love and traits to be an adult partner in a adult relationship. the traits empathy and respect both pertain to just the act of loving. they are base traits and very important, yes. things like emotional maturity, the willingness to self-reflect and work on flaws, the willingness to solve problems together without losing control of your emotions, knowing how to take responsibility for things that does not only affect YOU but your partner as well, doing things that are boring like chores but knowing that if you don’t do them your partner whom you love will have to pick up your slack, and so much more, pertain to the act of being in a relationship. you guys aren’t just going to be in love, you are going to be more committed to each other than anyone else will to you. you’re work buddies around the house. you’re parents. you’re retirement buddies. you share resources. I’ve gotten picky after 2 relationships because I know these things are important.

so you think you love her, but you don’t even know if she’s all of these things. that’s not love, that’s infatuation. these traits may not be needed NOW but they will be. not may be, will be, once you guys want to marry and have children.

so, really, snap out of your destructive pattern. it’s really irritating to see you frame it as “unconditional love”. romantic love is conditional if it wants to work. that’s what it fucking is.

0 notes

survivorcutthroat · 7 years ago

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Episode 2: “The queen stays queen for another day.” - Sherry

So I ended up cutting Nehe because I felt like I gained more from him going than from him staying. I know I'm almost 100% to blame for his elimination and although my dark side is loving it, I still feel bad....I view myself as a snarky hero not some heartless villain...I wish we had just won immunity ugh. But I cut him and that's the name of this season - cut or be cut. I just have to get used to the feeling - maybe I can take some tips from Matt???

Now that the first vote is over, I can get a sense of who all trusts me. I think Zack is thankful I didn't flip but he still doesn't trust me which was to be expected. Dustin seems to trust me but I think he might not be telling me the whole truth just yet - I'm starting to be skeptical that Seamus is lying about his vote....Amir seems to trust me too but I feel like he could be threatened by me? I dont think he'll come after me anytime soon but his tone kinda changed towards me when we talked game - he didn't realize how much of a role I would play I presume....for now, I hope a swap happens and I can go more UTR. I was a bit chaotic with this last round and I want to dive back down underwater for a while to disappear from any potential bulls eyes on my back!

THIS WENT PERFECTLY. I set up Ali and Sherry going against eachother even though I was the only one going against both of them. I eliminated an idol, kept my trust with everyone but Sherry, and got rid of my target of Ali. I wish Ali were here but this is a great scenario as well.

15 minutes later

Tribe swap and I'm so happy. We are nu YANGBYE which is the best tribe name around. I love these people but I'd also love to say "yangbye!" to them one by one.

Crow - Oh my god I get to work with chaos crow <3

Jaiden - I don't understand Jaiden but I want to work closely with him

Dom - YES it's my pal from whatever our starting tribe was

Zack - I quite like Zach but I don't trust him.

Liana - She doesn't talk to me very much.

I'd like to keep Jaiden Crow and Dom around. The other two are threats and they're not on my side.

Wooooo okay so post tribal council and I survived!!! Nehe was great and a nice person but Seamus was in his ear and Nehe was going around saying that Zack and I are a final 2 and in the end I couldn't have him here anymore and my target ended up leaving so hehehohohahha

Okay now I gotta focus purely on social bonds because our tribe dynamic is weird as fuck. us 4 voted together to outvote nehe and Seamus...but now its just us 4 lmao which means if we go to tribal then kumbaya time is gonna be over and someone gotta go. My plan? Turn crow and zack against each other. Crow was the most hesitant to keep zack and zack has thrown crows name out there in the past

But other than that I fucking love Zack and I really didn't think I was going to during this game but if people are saying we're close friends when were not, we might as well align. Crow is still my husband, he's a lil sketchy but still my husband. Dustin is the only sane person here newfkj and I'm glad he's here and best case scenario is we don't lose the challenge and I get to keep my gays a little longer in the game.

Current people I still want gone in order: SEAMUS, LIANA, stevie, ali, tommy

This first tribal was interesting!! Winning the challenge I chose a tribe to go to and I got to vote with them but I was immune, such an interesting twist. It seemed like the tribe wanted to go for Sherry, which I did not really want. I end up talking to Sherry and she told me about the idol and that she was using it so to keep up appearances I voted for Sherry to vote in the majority, knowing what she was gonna do. Hopefully she isn't mad about that. Now Im on this new tribe and I have my old tribe as the majority so im feeling pretty good about this current position and hopefully nothing happens to ruin that just yet.

I MADE FINAL 18! We just swapped tribes to 3 tribes of 6 and now I left my Yangbye tribe and joined the New Sagu tribe with Cole, Stevie, and Abel who were on my original Yangbye tribe and Dustin from Magyi and Sid from Sagu. We made an original Yangbye alliance chat however, I don't know how loyal the people in that chat will be especially a guy named cole. For whatever reason I'm getting a strong vibe that cole doesn't like me or want me in the game long term so I'd be so down to get him out... I think he will be a threat however I also don't wanna just betray this new alliance but I don't wanna play dumb. I like Dustin and Sid to an extent, I'm not sure how much I can really trust either... For right now the two people I'm most trustful of on my tribe are Stevie and Abel, as for the rest of them I have no idea where their heads are at in terms on strategy of the game. I hope we just keep winning immunity, I really really don't want to go to tribal, I feel even less secure on this tribe than I did on my last one.

Ok, so the first two tribals that have happened pretty much didn't effect my game at all! I barely talked to either Nehe or Ali so I'm glad they are gone. They were nice but I didn't see anything in them. I feel like my lip sync will be good enough to get my tribe to winning this Immunity, I just hope we find someone who can edit because I have no idea how to edit at all. If we do end up going to tribal I should be fine as I made a alliance with the original Yangbye tribe! Also omg at sherry snatching everyone's wig with that first tribal idol.... My mouth is still open.

Anyways why was cole willing to let sid edit the video and willingly give him the power to be the first one with the finished product so sid can submit and get the idol clue when sid is on the bottom? He’s only fussing about it right now in the tribe chat bc i just pointed it out to him in pms. Like ik cole’s not stupid so i strongly doubt he would make such a dumbass mistake. Shady ass bitch.

[7/7/17, 8:40:47 PM] Abel:

[7/7/17, 7:27:03 PM] Abel: sis are we really gonna let sid get the idol clue [7/7/17, 7:28:08 PM] Cole™: I'm gonna try and get it

[7/7/17, 7:28:21 PM] Abel: whoever submits it gets it

[7/7/17, 7:28:38 PM] Abel: and if he’s editing it’ll probably be him

[7/7/17, 7:31:23 PM] Cole™: But like I did the most work

[7/7/17, 7:31:52 PM] Abel: one of us needs to submit it then

[7/7/17, 7:32:17 PM] Abel: like i would share the clue with you obviously but yeah its just easier for you to submit it

[7/7/17, 7:32:30 PM] Abel: and sid has the power if he’s making the final product

[7/7/17, 7:33:43 PM] Cole™: True, I would share it too

I have an okay relationship with dustin. Tommy i still trust. Stevie eh mostly. I would love to just coast on tribal lines/challenge dominance for a bit. Sid is the only person i have no relationship with and I’m not really interested in trying to make one like i’d rather just vote him out lmao. Like i said hi and how are you to him already and it was just so exhausting idk i don’t have the energy to fake another friendship rn. We’ll see where my paranoia with cole takes me.

I am upset that I'm separated from Crow Zack and Dustin and I'm also really upset that I haven't been on a tribe with Cole Sid Or Bodhi but on the bright side, I have sherry and I have rob. I have enough people I won't die at least.

ZACK IS MY SON AND I WILL PROTECT HIM.

hi it's me again hehetehe.

lemme just talk about last round bc im still a lil FUCKED up. bc some people got me FUCKED up.

Seamus is an ugly dirty little rat and if he really thought he would pull a fast one on ME.. he was SURELY mistaken. he can go back to fucking his cousin and eating his hay. he literally looks like he eats hay. like.. you're not gonna just try to get me out and think i'm not gonna say something.. and now he wants to come and apologize and act all innocent like bitch, please, save that shit.

anyways... i like my new tribe? like i'm not completely fucked here. i miss dustin and amir tho :( literally dustin and amir are my hunts like they really put there ass out there to help me and i appreciate that so much. i got their backs in this game. i hope me abel dustin and amir can all make merge and run this shit to the end.

ps- fuck seamus.

Really? REALLY? I'm used to being on elite tribes not amateur ones.....so after the tribe swap I wind up on the worst of the 3 tribes with people who seem to either be shy or just incredibly nonchalant. Liana just spoke like, today - Zack is still Zack and Dommy is sorta like that team member who's all talk and no game at this point...and Jaiden is just an ugly troll. The only thing that could have made it worse would have been seeing Matt on my tribe so I guess thanks for not doing that to me....

Like I understand we all have busy lives and this isn't an easy comp but I've been sitting in Iceland halfway across the globe with internet lag and cut-out quite often but I was willing to put time into this comp for my piece of it (I was legit going to do my lip sync in a RV bathroom - how iconic is that?)

But INSTEAD someone mysteriously submitted a dumb pre-made video to the blog (which is no "accident") which basically means we lose even though we never started.

And Jaiden, I know it was you. I can't tell if it's out of complete stupidity or mischief, but either way, you're in hot water sir.

Ugh, can we swap again? Pls? I can't do this constant losing thing it's bad for my ego.

Alrighty so there was no doubt I was going to get kicked off of my tribe before the swap. Luke, Jaiden, Sid, and Seamus? Jaiden randomly hates me (and my husband), and Seamus probably wants revenge for Zootopia, Luke is impossible to talk to. The only person I liked game-wise was Sid because he's really easy to get along with and I feel like I can actually trust him and he won't cut me, so to speak.

In order to try to rectify this, I figured I could gain trust with Seamus by starting an idol searching brigade, so I told him where I searched. He could easily lie about this and probably did but it's whatever, I'm trying (reasoning on this later). I tried to clear the air with Jaiden and we talked things out and I tried to find common ground with him (idk if it worked or not).

Seamus talked to me about me and him and Sid working together. Ever since the tribe swap I haven't heard from them so I guess that's dead.

I trust Stevie the most overall. I've been telling him my thoughts (lol contact him for confessionals). Stevie was actually my first ally in my first game so I like him a lot (he taught me how to be cutthroat). He told me about his and Seamus' idol clues, and how Seamus would probably lie about it (hence the earlier reasoning). He said that the clue said the number is the same on a clock (i.e. 1-12) but Seamus would probably say the opposite. Seamus has actually said nothing so anyway I continue to not trust Seamus.

The other tribe was ugly for trying to vote out my fellow woman.

wow so um... cole and sid are targets more info tomorrow

I think I'm good with my whole tribe. I trust mearl completely. I love rob and sherry the most. I don't think they'll vote me out. I don't fucking care about this challenge but I have to act like I do. I actually was willing to stay up all night and do the work and commit my night for it but I can't put in effort if no one else will. Yesterday when I tried to bring it up no one cared. I'm really drunk. Also um Seamus and I worked out our differences but like I'd still vote him out. Luke and I promised to work together but I'd still vote him out. I'll vote anyone out I don't give a fuck. Also Crow has been ignoring me for like all day. So it's clear he's only social when you're on a tribe with him, same with Dustin. I think I've decided I'm most loyal to Cole and rob in this game and maybe Sid and zack.

One minute later:

I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYONE

I WANT THEM ALL DEAD

I WILL END THEM

Jaiden accidentally threw the challenge for our tribe. THANK GOD. Now I don't have to do it. Sherry and Jaiden both fucked up for the tribe and the target is off of me. At tribal I'm going to be targeting Liana or Zack. Probably Liana. I have Jaiden and Dom with me 100% for now, and crow is probably gonna be smart and vote with the majority. Liana doesn't talk to me so she doesn't need to be here. Simple as that. Zack doesn't talk to me much either, but Amir likes him, and I think crow does too. Zack can go next time.

I don't even know what's happening with this challenge. I think I lost it by accident for everyone but they're all causing unnecessary chaos around camp so I need to just sit down and shut up. Tomorrow one of us will be voted out I'm assuming, so I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it's Liana or Crow and not me. As it stands in the game right now, I've been able to go on private calls with Seamus, Bodhi, Dom, and Tommy. I'd say those four are my closest friends and allies at this point (but I don't want to speak too soon since the game has only just begun). I still need to work on getting into good graces with the rest of the players I wanna work with this season, so we'll see how successful I am with that. Also, I think I've formed an alliance with Bodhi and Dom. Like I said from the get-go, I won't take this alliance too seriously because I know that they can kiss my ass in calls and PMs but still say only bad things about me in confessionals. I'll trust them only as far as I can throw them and see how things go if we do end up going to tribal. I think this swap worked out pretty well in my favor and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out.

So before I came back to orgs this year the last ones I played were 2014/early 2015 and in those games I managed to go really far by doing the least and I feel like that’s what Cole remembers me as and I feel like he views me as a potential drag-along ally, one that he can always go back to as he makes shady deals with everyone else. What he doesn’t realize though is that I’m that bitch with the pristine memory and know he wins/goes far in so many of his games and knows that he’s been active all these years and knows everyone. Whether or not he actually is working with Sid, I just know he has a lot of connections in a lot of different places and in a one world season it would just be stupid to let someone like that reach a point where he can connect with others and fuck things up for everyone. ALSO SIS HAS THE NERVE TO BE A FLAMING FAGGOT IN EVERY CHAT AND CALL BUT WHEN HE GETS TO MY PMS HE SUDDENLY TURNS INTO BRITNEY’S MIC FEED! I spoke to Tommy last night and he’s on the same page and I don’t think it should be hard to get others on board…if we choose to do so bc I still don’t have any use for Sid at all whatsoever lmao.

Dearest Liana, Please speak to me. I'd like to not have an easy tribal! I adore going to tribal council, but you are making this too easy for me. With love, Bodhi.

I don't believe I've ever touched on WHY I throw so many challenges. The answer is simple. Tribal council is a wonderful group bonding excersize. If you can go into the merge with a group of 2-4 people, you'll have some people with as much trust as you can manage. There's another big facet to this, being that tribes that don't go to tribal council have a lot of time to stir up feelings of wanting other people out. People on cutthroat are going to be so willing to flip on their tribes it's not even funny. These people almost all feel like they have something to prove, and if you can just give them time to get bored, they'll be making big moves at the merge like no ones business. Tribal loyalty will not exist in that much of a sense on this season. One of the biggest advantages of having a tribe swap from 4 tribes this early is that there isn't the whole "day one alliance" that can sometimes unify a tribe. Everyone is on a tribe with someone that they want out of the game, and once those people get their ways, there will be new people who want revenge. Ideally, there will be one more swap, and neither of these first two sets of tribes will matter to anyone except for me and whoever I'm loyal too. I'm making ties with folks on the other side so that when we swap again I won't need to scramble or anything. I'll just need to sit back and watch people take each other out.

Well after that challenge fiasco, I still have little hope of winning immunity.....however at least we are submitting something semi-legitimate? I just really really don't wanna go to tribal again so soon....especially with so many quiet/shady characters. We have a solid idea in my opinion but it'll be a swing or miss sort of idea. As far as my tribe.....Zack says he's on my side and loyal to me til the end but A) He hardly talks to me on his own B) This is fucking Cutthroat Island Bodhi and I are supposed to be close but he's smart and tricky so I don't really trust him... Jaiden is a known troll but somehow one of the people I like?? (why do i find myself closer to trolls than norms..*ahem* Kyle) Liana is a fucking ghost. This girl just appears in the main chat once a millennium, hardly replies to pms, and doesn't even seem to care?? If we were to lose, my money would be on her leaving. Bodhi already suggested it to me actually.... Dommy is the chillest of them all and maybe will be someone I can use? But I don't know if he's closer to myself or Bodhi, which will be crucial down the line... Or maybe this tribe's flops are part of some mastermind machination to blindside me pre-merge. I don't even know at this point. My strategy pre-merge (considering GL pre-merge was....non-existent for me...) is to build as many bonds as strong as I can and go with the flow. Big moves that make your target bigger are p.o.i.n.t.l.e.s.s until at least jury! No one in finale talks about "yea that second vote where I flipped" cuz its so far in the past! The #1 goal should be survival - not control. Plus, the more targets that make merge, the better for me. Let the elite make it to merge and let the bloodbath begin while I fly through the underworld completely invisible to the finale <3 :D

And we're back! After Sherry pulling off a beautiful idol play round 1, I have a new vigor for this game! Amir survived his tribal as well! Things are looking good, everyone. But wait! I spoke too soon. Satan himself announced a FUCKING TRIBE SWAP. Okay, calm down, Sid. Now you have a chance to be with Sherry or Amir, right? Wrong. Austin's fucking Sorting Hat rip-off kept me on Sagu while Sherry and Amir are living it up on Magyi and Liana is stuck on Yangbye. What's worse, Nu Sagu is a 4 Yangbye, 1 Magyi, 1 Sagu split. WHAT STARS HAD TO ALIGN TO MAKE SURE I GET SWAP FUCKED IN EVERY GAME? I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN IDOL. (Speaking of, Sherry told me the clue Stevie got. Apparently the Idol is under 12 and Sherry found her's at 11. But, now I don't know why Stevie is giving out clues unless he found one. Hm.) But whatever. I'm screwed on Nu Sagu because Stevie is an egomaniac who I'm pretty sure wants me out, and I don't know who these other 4 are. Tommy said he'd work with me, but how much do I trust him? Or like even like him? Minimal. My only hope rests in this challenge, so I stepped up to edit our lipsync (And I think it can win us this challenge!). Also, the submitter of the winning tribe gets an idol clue! DOPE! Since I'm editing, I should be able to submit. Apparently not. Cole asks in the tribe chat if he could submit because he wants the clue. THE FUCK? NO I THINK THE FUCK NOT. I've been editing for hours, and all you had to do was twerk on camera for 3 minutes. And I doubt Cole is really a stranger to that, whereas I had to learn Movie Maker for this fuck-up of a tribe. So I said "yah sure" because I'm in a clear minority, but I have a plan. Even though I finished the video hours before the deadline, I'll pretend like I'm rushing to finish it. And in my rush, I submitted it on accident! I'm sure he'll see through my plans, but I'll have 2 idol clues, AND I think we'll have immunity with my video. Right now, I think working with Tommy or Abel is my best shot to survive if we go to tribal... ALSO P.S. Sherry, Amir and I have finalized our alliance. It's called "THREEVIL" (Three + Evil) and it is so fucking awesome! I love these two with all my heart. <3 <3 <3

This is some bullshit. I'm not about to do this challenge solo and still lose. Why did crow make a big fucking deal about it? We could've gotten a DECENT score on this shit and at least I submitted something???? Even fucking dom who is online all the fucking time isn't here to do shit

if Me getting that ottn5 edit this episode huh. I'll really go off at tribal council when the time comes because we're clearly losing.

Everyone the past few days:

https://68.media.tumblr.com/0590f2ef9171d9c120daa59db8f36233/tumblr_inline_oj6u3b7XBj1snhjdw_500.gif Me: Hey we should probably do this challenge!

Everyone: https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-09/22/14/enhanced/webdr10/anigif_enhanced-11075-1411411562-9.gif Me: Guess I'm doing this on my own...

This is what I've come up with so far! Everyone @ me because apparently it sucks: https://media.tenor.com/images/72c91bf233275e5da4c66dae418829e2/tenor.gif

Me, internally: http://68.media.tumblr.com/baebe363529713f2fdee2b9047d27d47/tumblr_osadyruIyd1rt5ctno1_250.gif ... Me tomorrow night after we lose this challenge and they unanimously vote me out: http://wwwimage.cbsstatic.com/thumbnails/photos/files/asset/10/00/35/45/bronte-big-brother-eviction.gif

Day 7 Confessional 4: Ugh okay so lots of tea to spill. So i voted in the minority on the special tribal and Nehe left which like doesn’t matter much. But then we immediately tribe swap and my new tribe is amir luke mearl rob sherry and myself. Amir immediately approaches me and tells me he is angry that i was telling Nehe that he and Zack were a final 2 which never happened. I finally convinced him that it wasn’t true and now we are golden and Zack and I half made up too. But basically from the moment i got onto this tribe i started desiring another tribe swap because our tribe literally sucks. Like besides Mearl Rob and myself they literally fucking suck. Sherry is so busy irl, Luke is MIA and im not surprised, and Amir has family issues going on. I kinda hope we lose this challenge so we can send either Luke or Sherry home, then we will have a better chance going forward as a tribe…. Also the winning tribe gets a idol clue and I think I am going to approach them with an offer that I will share mine (I’ll lie about what is says) if they share theirs! But yah as of now I am kinda hoping we lose so we can cut some loser out of this damn game.

So there was a tribe swap. Yippeee. No, not really. My whole original tribe ends up sticking together but of course I get separated. Thats alright, just means I'm going to make more connections I can use later down the line. Change is a positive thing right? Wrong. My tribe sucks ass. And I don't like sucking ass. If you do then think of whatever unpleasantry you wish instead. First impressions- Luke- Ugh. I voted him out five times in a row in GL. I have a feeling he isn't exactly going to trust me. I tried to strengthen a bond but it seems so artificial on his part. Amir- Seems like somebody that can be a strong ally. I'm glad Amir is here. Seamus- First impression tells me to watch out or Seamus but he is wooing me in... but I'm aware that his wooing is why I wanted to watch out for him in the first place. Rob- Don't really know. Blah? Hopefully a potential ally. Sherry- I had a good conversation with her the night before the swap (when it appeared she was going home) so was happy to see her on my tribe. I figured that she'd be somebody that I could utilize... well lady is crazy and forgetful because she forgot the conversation we had and was asking me about myself and telling me things about her that she had told me less than 24 hours earlier... like scroll up. You can play the mother card and thats fine but when you are a no show in challenges (seems to be a trend) I have no problem voting my mom out. So the first challenge comes along... the dreaded lip sync. I hate this challenge. Hate it. HATE IT. Its just so blah. I hate singing. I hate dancing. And of course I'm busy but nobody else is able to edit a video (or wants to). Whatever.. then it gets worse. People aren't even fucking sending me videos. Like they missed deadllines and just flat out ignore me when I ask if they are giving me anything or not. I tell them that I need to know so that I can start editing the video if I'm not going to receive anything but nothing. Like I have just as much content 6 hours before the challenge is due as I did 48 hours before but I wasn't working on it because I figured I'd get more. So now I need to piece meal together shit and find shit and try and make it look nice. I mean I'm a creative guy I guess so lets see what I can do. For this challenge all I received was a piece of poop so I put it between two slices of bread and I’m hoping the judges like shit sandwiches. I really hope my efforts pay off because I don't wanna be going to tribal yet. Im not sure where I stand but I'm hoping this challenge has put me in a good spot.

First things first, fuck my old tribe! they literally like...don't even attempt to reply to me since the swap and its becoming really apparent whos genuine and who will play nice just for the game so as far as I care, they can all leave I don't give a fuck. However, I hope zack and crow don't go over someone like liana at the upcoming tribal. people like liana stevie tommy crow etc are able to lie so convincingly and make it seem like theyre on your side like....they can literally lie like sociopaths and no one in this game is allowed to have that quality except for me so they can fking go! I feel like I have a lot of those relationships right now, like circumstantial allies. I feel that way about Mearl, zack, crow, dustin, sid, sherry and even luke The people I fully trust right now are rob and cole and MAYBE Bodhi. everyone else is dead to me. Also why am I the only Canadian in this cast full of American freaks me trying to fit in with the americans: https://vine.co/v/e1EFMxhDZOB/card?api=1 Psa: do you guys think im the type of boy who wont send nudes to stay safe in a game, because youre 100% wrong. I am an adult, if another adult wants to see me arse for an idol clue or some shit, ill take it! Also talking about idol clues "hickory dickory dock, the number you are looking for is on the clock" The idol is right under your nose I think its jungle 9. because table is under the nose and 9 is under 12 lets try that next time lmao abel is.....LIKE...not smart. sweet guy but he asked me to have a secret final 2 within like five seconds of speaking for the first time and then told me im a good social player who'll make it far. not the best way to make me want you on the island buddy I love flirting with guys in games because its like playing pretend when the truth is the only thing that turns me on is voting them all out http://68.media.tumblr.com/bf80ec6181ee7722e81fba5665a78426/tumblr_o319g3ZJhR1uwwhj6o2_250.gif

Well, I'm safe another week so that's good right? Still annoyed that my tribe didn't win immunity, like we did so well and we honestly lip synced and I actually slayed everyone in the lip sync.... Oh well. I want to win something, I want to prove to the community that I'm a strong player physically and not just socially. I'm just grateful to be here right now, I don't think a lot of people see me as a threat but I could be wrong. I just want to make jury right now and prove it to myself I really am a bad bitch!

Last round, I was an iconic mess. I was able to flip the vote against Sherry, however she played her idol and voted for Ali. BUT! because I was in the pool and I removed my vote in case anything changed, I self-voted even though I gave a vote a minute late about it was close so grr. It tied between me and Ali and everyone minus Sherry voted against Ali. Wooh! I'm ready for my CPN/M4 edit. I am devastated that Ali is gone I really do trust him. I connected with him and he had NOBODY. We swapped like I predicted and it's 3 tribes of 6. I am on the Magwhy tribe with myself, Sherry, Seamus, Mearl, Amir, and Luke. I think I am in a decent position on this tribe. Seamus I feel has a certain degree of trust in me, he thinks he can control which I'm fine go ahead do it. Mearl I've been working on getting him to like me and I think he might, I did a lot for the challenge I went all out and I've been praising him which he did a great job. Amir LOVES me and the feeling is mutual. Amir is just so much fun and I want to be like him. I want to be like Amir when I'm older. Luke... I'm on good terms with but I want him out tbh because I am petty and he's a threat. Him being depressed, is to my advantage and that sucks for him I guess? Sherry, I don't know where I stand with her, we said during the vote last time we should work together, and she knew Ali was going, but she's blowing smoke up my ass. I'll try to work with her, but I doubt I'm going to talk to her. If we do have conversations I see it being strictly game which I despise. The video is a lip sync and we originally did something that Sherry did because we were sort of reluctant to throw ideas and I liked it. I felt it was a song I could do and people at first were like yeah. The thing is, skype is a fickle fickle bitch. It updated and I asked if we were doing All Summer Long and i got no reply. I filmed my video which was lit tbh because I had my sister help me out and she's a theater kid (tm) psycho. I had it done and ready but then out of nowhere my messages update and I see at the same time when I sent the previous message they responded and they decided to change it to calling all the monsters. Like??? WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHERRY HAS ALREADY DONE IT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THAT? HELL NO AND THEN YOU USE THE SAME EXACT FOOTAGE FROM HER VIDEO WHAT A BUNCH OF DUMBASSES STFU. Anyways we win because Mearl pulled God's work and I'm shook because Saggy's was so good too. Abel as Valentina ctfu. I saw yangbye's too and it was hilarious i loved it Heather did amazing. I heard it was mean but I don't really think so? I mean Jaiden got it from her youtube videos so it's public domain and people could gif it anyways from there. The hosts got pretty pissy though like they weren't bad at all imo I enjoyed all three of them like sure maybe Yangbye could have been more active in their video but it was still a funny product. I'm active and I'm not a threat so I don't think I'm in a bad spot. Goat me!

I don't feel great about this vote....but what I've heard from Zack and Bodhi is that it's an easy vote for Liana - but I no like easy votes cuz usually they aren't!

#AnyoneButMe

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