#on one hand i want to tell u Everything but on the other :( | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cheralith · 1 day ago

Text

— say all that you have to say.

oliver aiku — he says that the kiss that he gave you one evening "didn't mean anything", asking you to forget about it. but he has trouble believing his own words when you do act like it didn't happen, his heart heavy when you go back to treating him as just another friend. okay, so maybe it didn't mean anything to mean to him, but surely it had to mean something to you... right? (wc: 10.6k)

contains: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, jr manager!reader, misunderstandings, fluff, angst with comfort, aiku doesn't understand feelings, happy ending i prommy, not fully edited as of 03/23 a/n: trying out some new headers! are these ok? are the old ones better? lmk!!

“Coach is going to murder you.”

“I’ll let you give my eulogy then.”

Sendou snorts obnoxiously as Oliver buries his face in rough hands, groaning. The gigantic weight on his chest has yet to go away and unfortunately for U-20’s captain, he doubts it’s going to dissipate into thin air any time soon. Especially with how dense the tension in the room is now, everything in the world just seems to be against him right now.

His lips tingle a bit. Oliver puts a finger on the plushness of it, feeling another warmth rush to his cheeks when his mind flashes back to last night, the little incident involving their junior manager, who was also under the title of being their coach’s niece. If word got out about what happened between the two of you to him, Oliver was sure that he’ll lose his captain position that he’s worked towards in the blink of an eye…

… all because he couldn’t contain himself.

Alcohol is a funny thing. It’ll make you feel the high of a plethora of emotions in just a few hours the longer it stays in your system, restraints against the world’s expectations gradually disappearing and an arrogant confidence growing within oneself. Oliver likes to think of himself as a rather resilient person, one that knows his limits all too well, even when drunk. So what exactly took over him in that singular moment, he doesn’t know.

All he knows is that he doesn’t want to believe that what he did was from his own accord. That his actions were based on something other than impulse.

And he wasn’t even that drunk! He would’ve totally passed a sobriety test at the time if it was handed to him.

The more he tries to figure out a reason for his actions, the more Oliver comes to dead ends over and over again, and he thinks his headache is now caused by his overthinking rather than the remnants of his hangover.

Oliver leans back and throws an arm over his eyes, the bright lights making his eyes pulse. “Promise you won’t tell anyone else about this? I don’t want a shitstorm blowing up.”

Sendou slyly smiles, but hums regardless. “Yeah sure. Anything for my best bud.”

And in comes the rest of the U-20 team ready to change for practice, chattering about, seeping into the locker room one by one. Oliver hears them greeting their ace and captain, but he can’t be bothered to try and put in the effort to say a polite hello back given his current dilemma that he doesn’t know is going to get worse in a second,

Sendou, always having a slight knack for a kick of drama, juts his thumb at their disoriented captain.

“Oliver kissed (Y/N) yesterday night after karaoke, by the way,” he says casually as he examines his fingernails. “When he was dropping her off.”

Oliver sits up and gawks at the striker, Sendou only throwing a casual smirk at him—consider this payback for when Oliver whipped his wet towel at his rear yesterday a little too harshly.

Chaos ensues, clearly. The atmosphere within the locker room levels up by threefold, with his teammates scattering around him, question after question being thrown his way faster than he can blink. Neru shakes him like a saltshaker, desperate to try and get an answer out of him. Kitzunezato scolds him heavily like a mother to a child, demanding what overtook him to do something so reckless. Darai, the most level-headed out of all of them, even goes to pinch his brow and ask why he’d do such a thing towards their junior manager.

And that’s the thing. Even if he wanted to answer, it’ll all just come out in jumbles and clusters that can’t fit properly together no matter how hard he’ll try to fit them together. He didn’t know yesterday, he didn’t know this morning, and he doesn’t know now. Frankly, Oliver thinks that he might not have an answer for a while and he’ll be leaving not only his team, but himself in the dark for sometime. Maybe he deserves it, to wallow in his own worries, especially after doing something like that. It might give him time to properly analyze a headspace he hasn’t visited in sometime.

He stands up abruptly, silencing them at last. Inhale, exhale… inhale exhale… just to properly gain his proper semblance back again. Oliver then says something that’ll help shut them up for good, at least for the time being.

“I’ll say this once and I’ll say it once only,” he starts sternly as he looks at all of his teammates in the eyes to ensure his message gets across and to end the commotion. “Yes I kissed (Y/N), but we were drinking prior, neither of us were thinking properly. That’s what happens when you’re drunk—you get impulsive. Don’t think about it too hard. It didn’t mean anything. So let’s not dabble on this any longer and get to practice, yeah?”

He finishes his closing statement, shunning them and before they say anything, he claps his hands together to indicate everyone be quiet and prepare themselves for practice. Oliver’s austerity echoes through, seeing as how they all tighten their lips and start shuffling around the locker room. He sighs, shoulders dropping.

It didn’t mean anything…

The bitterness of the words sting his tongue, sourness spreading on his palette. When he swallows them, or at least attempts to, it almost… burns. Like the shots he consumed yesterday, they roughen his throat almost like a punishment, the words unwelcomed. An unease lingers about, clearly indicating that to him, something felt wrong about saying it.

His head says he’s right—that it was just a casual kiss. He greeted a lot of people like that when he was leaving, a signature almost. So really, there shouldn’t be a difference when it comes to you. He was just simply saying goodbye in his own style.

His heart, however…

The elevator’s gateway to the hallway has a slight hitch to it, one that the tip of your shoe grazes against as you step, or at least attempt to, out of it.

“Woah, watch your step,” Oliver warns when you yelp and begin falling forward, an arm catching your own to pull you back. “You’re only a couple feet away, don’t go dropping dead on me now.”

You laugh quietly, apologizing for your clumsiness. A warmth pulses through Oliver’s chest when he hears the whisper of a giggle, and it’s not because of all the booze he consumed earlier, either. “I’m sorry… I guess I’m just a little tired.”

Oliver quirks up a grin as he drags your arm over his shoulder to keep you steady. “Only a little? Says the one who kept yawning on the way here.”

“Not my fault,” you roll your eyes, a heavy fatigue in them that sags your eyelids slightly, “you guys were the ones that kept making a mess that I had to clean up constantly.”

“‘You guys’?” he feigns a hurt in his voice, a rawness starting to embed itself within it from the aftermaths of karaoke. “Don’t lump me in with those chumps. I at least helped you.”

You blow a stray piece of hair out of your face in annoyance, and when it does go out of the way like you desire, Oliver goes to tuck it behind your ear when you whine. “Whatever. You only did it ‘cause you’re the captain.”

He gives a boisterous laugh at that, one that may wake your neighbors up to your displeasure.

“In what way does being captain have to do with me being a decent person?” he guffaws. “What if I just wanted to help you out?”

“If you’re trying to get something out of me by doing so, fat chance,” you huff, pout forming on your lips that glisten a little brightly at him. “I could’ve taken care of it myself.”

He sighs with a grin, understanding that there may not be a way out of this conversation that doesn’t gain a win in his favor. You were quite stubborn and adamant, after all, a trait that made you a rather good manager to a bunch of boys who were just starting to get their acts together, never swaying to their bribes or pleas.

You start mumbling things to yourself suddenly, something about getting groceries and tomorrow’s breakfast plans, an incoherency running back and forth that Oliver listens somewhat intently to. He always liked it when you talked, since you often had to keep to yourself and just simply jot down notes in the shadow of your uncle—it gave him a sense of closeness to you to be able to have a conversation with you that didn’t involve the team.

“We’re here,” he chimes, head fuzzing a little when he reads the letters of your apartment. He lets go of your arm, letting you balance yourself on the doorframe as you rummage about your bag and fetch your keys. He has to fight a chuckle when he sees your keychains—he’s never been too familiar with the specific names of Sanrio characters, but he can tell you’re quite the fan of this specific little one by the many decorations that hang from the chain. Cute, he thinks.

Oliver watches as you fumble around trying to fit the key into its designated hole, your drunkenness making you a little more prone to mismeasures. When you begin to grow frustrated, he gently cups your hand that clutches your key in his and slowly leads it into the keyhole in a steady motion.

“There you go,” he murmurs, twisting your hand so the latch clicks as he notices how nicely your hand fits in his. A softness in his eyes seeps itself within when he stares at them connected.

You thank him quietly, body moving forward to enter your apartment and away from the shelter that is Oliver Aiku. A chill runs through him when you move from him, your body warmth no longer radiating onto him.

“Well…” you clutch the side of your apartment door, staring up at him, eyes a little wondrous. “This is where I leave you.”

Oliver scratches the back of his neck, trying to ignore the heaviness in his feet that seem to want to stay where they are. “Yeah, haha. Should start heading back soon.”

Your gaze softens and Oliver can feel his breath hitching when he sees a fondness swimming in it. A fondness just for him.

“Thank you for making sure I got home safely. It means… a lot.”

He likes the way you fidget a little bit, shy and meaningful. A side of you revealed to him that he hopes you’ve never shown anyone else.

“Of course, I’d hate for anything to happen to our precious manager.” he whispers, fingers twitching. “Also your uncle would have my head if something did, really.”

Shared laughter bounces between you both, a quiet understanding between you and him that your uncle was not a force to be reckoned with when it came to his niece.

You begin to close the door, indicating your leave was starting and that you wanted him to head home as soon as possible before the nightlife of the city really began to reach its heights. Oliver stills, something in his chest burning when he watches the door’s gap get smaller and smaller.

All it takes is that doe-like gaze you give him for him to lose a sense of himself.

“I’ll see you tomorrow th—!”

And Oliver, for whatever reason, dips his head towards you and gives the softest kiss he’s ever given to anyone to you.

A silk-like movement flows between your lips, synchronization naturally flowing. The warmth from earlier blooms in his chest, vining it through his body. Nothing but affection ebbs and flows within your lips and his, no other hidden intent behind his kiss other than the passion he’s harbored for you for the past few months you’ve been a part of his life.

You and him break away. Funny how a kiss lasting five seconds or so feels like it’s lasted a lifetime, because the clock has barely ticked. Even the incredulous stare you give each other lasts longer than your kiss.

You slice through the silence first.

“I–”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Oliver chokes out abruptly and turns on his heel towards the elevator, praying you don’t see the flush of red that he can feel rising at the tip of his ears.

He swallows thickly once he’s inside it, feeling your burning stare on his back when you gaze at him from the hallway. He doesn’t want to turn around, scared for what expression you may behold. Without looking, he presses the lobby button on the button-pad and seals his fate as the doors close.

… clearly wants to scream at him, wants him to face the music and grasp the reality of the situation.

But he can’t. Not when he has so much at stake.

Oliver gives a sigh audible only to him as he begins to exit the locker room, letting his thoughts from the locker room be left in the locker room and his execution plans for this practice taking over.

That is until he sees you standing outside, next to the door.

He jumps slightly, eyes widening when he sees how close your presence was to it. You hold two rolls of athletic tape in one hand, scissors in another. Your face lifts from the ground, flat lips you transform it into a smile that almost looks screwed on to reflect at him.

There was no way you had heard him, right? Not with such a thick wall separating the two of you.

He stutters, but you beat him to his own words.

“(Y/N)–”

“Hey there,” you greet a little too sweetly, “can you give this to Hayate, please? It’s for his shoulder.”

Oliver pauses, looking at the two items you hold out in front of him in your hands. He stares and blinks slowly at them, your words clearly delayed in his ears. He suddenly blinks hard and gains back his consciousness, and his vision focuses on the beige tape and scissors before him.

“Sorry, yeah,” he mutters and takes them from you, trying not to graze your palms in fear of your warmth scorching him. “Um… did you happen to–”

“Coach says you guys need to hurry up, by the way,” you cut him off again, smile still on your lips that when Oliver sneaks a glance at, feels that fizzy feeling on his own again. “He wants everyone to be out on the field in five.”

You give him a nod of acknowledgement, turn on your heel, and stalk off, leaving him alone in the corridor.

It was barely there… and if he were to blink, Oliver was sure that he would’ve missed it.

But it was there, the dejection on your face revealing itself when you took your mask off once he wasn’t in view.

Your figure just barely appears in his vision just as he turns his head, a sweat misting on his skin.

Just before you’re able to round the corner, Oliver grabs your shoulder and forces you to look at him.

“Hey,” he breathes, “can we talk?”

You give him that artificial smile again. Your eyes don’t move when you lift your lips almost forcibly and the emptiness within them remains. “Sure,” you reply simply.

Oliver scans his surroundings first, making sure there are no additional ears to hear this conversation; he doesn't want another storm swirling. Scornfully, he takes you to a more secluded corner, one that shadows itself with darkness to fully ensure no attention would be brought to you and him.

He only has five minutes until their break is done, so he supposes that he should just rip the band-aid off and get it over with. For the greater good.

“About yesterday,” he starts, scratching the back of his heating neck. “Listen, I’m sorry. What I did… it was just something I did accidentally ‘cause I was drunk. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable in any way.”

Oliver looks up and flinches at the blankness spread across your face. As though you’re unconvinced by his words. As though his words sound meaningless like the kiss he insists is.

You say nothing, just blinking honey-slow. Oliver takes the chance to try and say something, to take a jab.

“It’s just—I often say goodbye like that to people, y’know? Well, maybe less on the lips and more on the cheek and forehead,” he mutters, throat constraining a bit at the unnecessary add-ons. “You can ask any of the guys, I’m sure Sendou is sick of my shit, haha…”

He manages to get a monotone hum from you, a paced nod indicating his words were somewhat getting through to you.

Oliver purses his lips, trying to search for something in your empty stare. Anything will work, really, just something that he can grasp to get a feel of your emotions so he can plan how to go about this.

“I think that—”

“Is it true?” you cut him off, capturing his attention. Oliver raises his eyebrows and lets out a confused sound. “What you said in the locker room.”

Guilt seeps into him. So you did hear him, even through the concrete walls and iron door. He supposes such weighty words are bound to break through the barrier to get to you in some aspect or another.

“W-what did I say? What’d you hear?” he asks.

You challenge his gaze, something forcing him to look at you pulls him into you.

“That it didn’t matter,” you state simply. “That it didn’t mean anything.”

Oliver feels a heaviness on your shoulders when you echo his words through your own voice that he can’t detect the emotion of. He opens his mouth, trying to choose his words carefully, but it takes him a few seconds to gather his act.

“I—” he pauses, jaw gritting. Oliver fights the urge to hang his head in shame, forcing himself to look at you. Your gaze is testing; you really are their coach’s niece, given how there’s a similar pressure radiating off of you that mirrors your uncle. It’s waiting patiently, though with a certain standard in mind.

Oliver swallows thickly before spitting out a half-baked answer, one that adds another weight to his shoulders. Whether he believes it or not… that didn’t matter. Because he ultimately says something that will better the trajectories of tomorrow, not something that will entertain his own wants. He can’t afford to do that right now… not with you, at least.

“Yes,” he says, the familiar bitterness from before scattering on his tongue again. “Sorry. I really didn’t mean anything else by it other than goodbye. I hope that I didn’t give off a wrong impression of some kind.”

You go still again, motionless.

And then your face cracks a smile, the same uncharacteristically wide one that doesn’t seem to fit your face quite right.

“Okay,” you state simply with an assured nod, sighing in what seems to be relief. “Just wanted to make sure so we don’t run into misunderstandings. Thanks for clearing it up, Captain.”

Oliver thins his lips at your response. You don’t seem to be too phased at his words—unlike the other girls that came before you whose faces would contort into irritation, sadness, or confusion. He was ready to tackle all of those emotions he’s grown familiar with, but the content shown on your face is unlike anything he has ever seen.

And he doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

“So,” he starts slowly, “what should we do now? Or, what do you want to do?”

Your head lilts to the side. “Well, you said to forget about it… so, let’s do just that. If that’s what you think is best.”

Your words feel strange when they register in his mind, but Oliver gives a quick nod.

“Yeah. Let’s just… forget about the entire thing. For the better of us and the team. And also so your uncle doesn’t kill me.” Oliver attempts to crack a joke to ease the tension in the air, but he doesn’t think this is the time. Not when you look like that.

A familiar laughter is nowhere to be heard, and your smile feels unsettling the more he looks at it. It doesn’t feel like it’s yours, but rather a stranger’s. But you keep it on your lips regardless, showing amiability of some kind.

“Alright,” you nod. “Then let’s agree to never talk about this again? Go back to our normal life?”

You put your hand out for him. Oliver takes it, your palm so oddly cold it makes him shiver a bit. You and him shake on the agreement, hand in hand, eye to eye.

The deal is settled. History has been erased.

There was no kiss between you and him. Nothing has happened.

All is well…

… he thinks.

A week passes by.

You and Oliver have gone back to the way things were before instantly, talking and chatting just as friends like you always have been. He still receives the warning glares from your uncle to not get too close to you, but he’s able to bypass them just as he had been doing since you first got here on behalf of your university.

He reflects on that day fondly. How awkward and quiet you were when you first introduced yourself, stating that you would be interning as a junior manager on behalf of your major for their season. How Oliver was the first person to make you feel truly comfortable without having to worry about your uncle’s wrath, how conversations began to flow within you and him more easily rather than just the typical morning greetings and after-practice wrap-ups.

When he looks at you now, you’re akin to a flower. One that has bloomed in the right environment as time passes comfortingly. You’ve grown to be friends with everyone on the team, his teammates holding you to a high regard that mirrors Oliver’s own status. It took awhile, like everything does, but you’ve blossomed. You show more of your true nature nowadays as a result.

He thinks that the new hairstyle that you adorn today is quite cute, fitting for your face. He especially likes the little clips of your favorite Sanrio character that he can’t ever seem to remember the name of that clip back your hair a bit to fight against the warming weather.

“—ku.”

He likes that lip color on you that kind of matches with your outfit right now, a little detail he’s noticed you do sometimes.

“Aiku.”

Oh, that bracelet is new. Looks expensive, too. He likes all those charms that hang off it, the metal clinking harmoniously to him—

“Aiku!”

The snap of your fingers and your voice finally breaks him out of his trance of admiration. He spurs, blinking rapidly. The giggles of his teammates float about from where you all are on the field.

“You good, man?” you ask.

“Huh?” he questions for a bit, trying to remember his current predicament. Oh yes, that’s right. The after-practice wrap-up where you summarize all their coach’s analysis to them and discuss plans moving forward. “Right, yeah. Uh huh.”

You roll your eyes, sighing and going back to your tablet. “As I was saying, Captain,” you throw a narrow-eyed glance at him, a doubt in his beholding of his title visible, one that makes him chuckle. “Try to sharpen up your skills as best as possible. I think it’s advised for you guys to showcase the best of your capabilities rather than dwell on your weak points— especially with how close the Blue Lock v. U-20 Match is.”

With that, you dismiss them, his teammates giving a loud thank you to you. Oliver is last to follow, with you tagging along behind him just before he enters the locker room.

“Hold on, Captain,” you call for him, tugging on his sleeve. “We’re still on for Shibuya later, right?”

Oliver nods affirmingly at you. “Yep. Need to get some new cleats before the game.”

“Oh okay,” you throw him a thumbs up, “but uh. Sendou won’t be able to make it. Says he’s got some sort of dinner with his brother. You okay with it just being us two?”

Oliver’s eyes widen, purple and green revealing themselves in full in a state of mild surprise. Originally, you guys were supposed to go as a trio, with Sendou wanting some new earrings for his piercing and you wanting to look at a new brand’s collection. But with the former out of the question… Oliver realizes it’d just be you and him.

Something in him stirs.

“Yeah,” he says a little too simply, trying to fight a grin rising on his lips. “That’s all good by me.”

You pat his arm affirmingly when you nod. “Alright then. I’ll meet you outside the facility’s entrance. Rest up while you still can.”

With that, you take your leave and throw him a friendly wave over your shoulder. Oliver watches as you exit the field a little too intently, your perfume lingering in the air.

He had been with you alone on some occasions, since he was the captain and it wasn’t uncommon for him to be called in privately, but it was almost always soccer-related. And the few times it wasn’t, it was often with the team like karaoke or a group dinner. So, he supposes that this would be the first time ever that you and him have actually hung out as… friends?

Friends.

Right. Yes, that’s what you were to him. Just friends. You’re a friend, and this is a friend-oriented shopping hangout.

Oliver trails back into the locker room, ignoring the tingling on his lips.

“Those are nice,” he says when he peeks over your shoulder, watching as you examine a pair of earrings. “Pretty.”

You give him a glance from the mirror, sighing when you put them down and return them into their little slot. “Nah, I don’t really suit chunky earrings. Would like to, though.”

Strange how you say that, considering Oliver thought they looked quite nice on you—just like how every single clothing item you’ve been trying on has been.

“I think they look alright,” he remarks, plucking them out of the display stand and holding them to your face again. “Yeah, they look fine to me?”

“You don’t get it ‘cause you’re a guy,” you give a light titter, shaking your head. “Plus they’re a little out of my budget.”

Oliver goes to glance at the price and doesn’t really think much of it. Maybe his perspective is a little skewed, considering that your salaries as an intern versus a professional soccer player were quite spaced out.

“Hm,” he mumbles, “want me to buy them for you, then?”

You gawk, a choked sound coming out of your throat. “What?! No. I-I wouldn’t wear them anyways, I don’t think they’d look good. You’d just be wasting your money.”

“Well I think they look good, so I’m sure everyone else thinks they’ll do,” Oliver playfully cajoles to your dismay. “Maybe just step out of your comfort zone.”

“I know when to step out of it,” you groan as you stalk over to another area of jewelry. “I just don’t think those specifically will do me justice.”

Oliver hums quietly, still examining the earrings from his distance. A store assistant suddenly appears from behind, a smile on her face when she shares Oliver’s view of you.

He jumps a little when she makes her presence known. “I think your boyfriend is right, ma’am. I think those earrings will look lovely on you, really,” she chimes.

You pivot your attention to her and chuckle mirthlessly, not really convinced by her words that you’re sure she’s adding sugar to help you buy it. “Haha, thank you, but I’m okay… also,” you gesture to you and Oliver. “We’re not dating. We’re just friends.”

Oliver winces at the word. It takes a small jab at his chest.

“Oh! My apologies,” the assistant excuses. “Sorry, you two just looked so lovely together—my mind just automatically assumed!”

You reassure her that there were no worries with another fleeting laugh, one that’s a little too dismissive of her assumption. “No worries.”

You excuse yourself and stalk off to another branch, Oliver watching you from his peripheral vision as you examine the bracelet section of the department store. He supposes that looking into the mirror at oneself for too long can disfigure a person’s self image—since he doesn’t seem convinced that you think you look bad in the earrings. When he can detect you’re out of view, he murmurs the same assistant over.

“Would you mind wrapping this up for me?” he asks quietly, sliding over the pair of earrings to her. “Preferably somewhere out of her view.” He goes to jut his thumb over his shoulder, indicating your presence from behind him. “I’d just like to get them for her as a gift.”

The store assistant draws her gaze over to you, ignorant to their interaction when you admire the articulation of a specific necklace in the display case. She nods affirmingly, a knowing glint in her eyes.

“You know, we have a special gift box for couples for jewelry, if you’re interested,” she inquires, making Oliver’s eyes widen. “It’s a white velvet box to help properly store the jewelry.”

“Oh, haha,” he laughs, attempting to remind her of your current status with each other. “We’re not—”

“I know,” she affirms, winking at him, as if she knew something he didn’t. “I’m just saying.”

The assistant smiles ever so politely. Oliver pauses. He throws a look over his shoulder to see if you were still there, far enough away from him and sure enough, you’re bouncing about the display cases, admiring all the jewelry clearly out of your budget.

He softens when he sees your eyes sparkle at a specific bracelet, wondrous and amazed.

Oliver turns back to the assistant, who grins at him.

“Sure, why not?”

And just before he drops you off at your apartment when the day is done, he quietly slips the white velvet box into your bag without a word, hoping that you’ll take the chance and wear them on his behalf.

“Nice earrings, where’d you get them?” Oliver asks the following day when practice wraps up again. The same earrings he had seen yesterday were now adorned on your ears, glinting at him curiously when he pokes at them.

You turn away from him and focus on your tablet, a heat rising on your cheeks. “Found them in the garbage.”

He laughs aloud at your evident embarrassment of your acceptance of his gift. But that’s okay; he figures you’re still trying to get used to them, so he’ll let you take your time. Maybe you’ll eventually see what he sees.

“You still coming to karaoke?” he inquiries when he helps you clean up the team’s remnants of play on the field. He feels a little hesitant asking you such a thing, even though it was quite often the team went out for karaoke to ease up after practice. The lingering tension between you and him from the aftermath of last time has long dissipated, but there’s always that chance it may come back to haunt him.

“Yeah but,” you groan when you throw some sweat-soaked towels in the bin, “I’m not staying long. I’ve got some homework to finish up on, so no drinking for me tonight.”

The words come faster out of his mouth before he can catch them—reflex taking over consciousness.

“D’you want me to walk you home later then?”

Oliver flinches. You blink at him, eyes wide, like he has the audacity to say such a thing after the incident.

But the way your eyes soften so gently at him makes him rethink his assumption and he feels a relief that flows in his chest when you give him a grateful smile. One that he’s quite accustomed to, one that you only give him.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Okay Sendou, your turn!” Neru exclaims and thrusts a microphone in the striker’s hands.

The karaoke has long been forgotten, now replaced with just a casual truth or dare game since everyone’s voice has finally been roughened up a little too much after shouting and yelling during practice. Oliver has had to admit three truths and two dares so far, with his last dare being to prank call their coach from a payphone in a funny voice and ask him if his refrigerator was running and to go catch it.

He’s sure that if their coach finds out it was him, he’ll get an ass-whooping later. But it’s okay. He got to see you laugh, so it was worth it.

“Alright, truth or dare, bud!” Neru announces from his own microphone, putting Sendou on the spot.

“Uh,” he stammers, clearly aware of the heights he’ll have to go if he chooses either. “... dare.”

“Yikes! Wrong choice!” Neru chimes gleefully to Sendou’s horror. He attempts to take back and choose truth when he sees the wicked smile spreading across Neru’s face, but it’s too late. “For your dare, you must chew a piece of chewed-up gum stuck underneath the table!”

“That’s so fucking nasty, Neru?!” Sendou shrieks to everyone’s bemusement. “I might die from that!”

“Ugh, you’re so boring, this is why no girls like you,” Neru retorts to Sendou’s displeasure. “Fine then, I’ll show mercy. Show us the last thing you saved to your phone from your camera roll.”

Sendou sighs in relief and pulls out his phone to his camera roll, only to gape in horror and flush with embarrassment. His reaction pulls excitement from everyone, Niou and Wakatsuki going to tackle him before he can hide it from view, Wakatsuki obtaining it and laughing hysterically as he shows off what’s on Sendou’s screen.

A rather raunchy picture of one of his favorite Hollywood actresses displayed on his phone, making some people whistle at Sendou’s pervertedness. You sigh upon seeing it, remembering that you were in a room filled with boys that were just crawling out of teenagerhood and that the female body to them was still just something taboo to them.

Sendou snatches his phone back, grumbling to himself. Neru then focuses his gaze onto you, eyes shining with anticipation to your apprehension. You squirm in your seat.

“Manager,” Neru sings and motions to you. “Your turn! Truth or dare!”

All of the team focuses their attention to you, wondering if you’ll finally pick dare after so long of choosing truth, but as always, you go to choose the safety of truth.

“Boringgg,” Neru drags, but goes on to ask his question anyway. “Fine then. Who was your first kiss?”

Oliver can feel a few of his teammates sneak a glance at him, a clear elephant appearing in the room. But he fixes his stare into your figure, curious about your answer and not wanting to cause more drama.

You laugh hastily, scratching your cheek.

“Actually…” you begin shyly, “I haven’t actually had my first kiss yet. I haven’t gotten the chance yet.”

Silence fills the space. Most of your other truths have stirred reactions of all kinds so far, but everyone draws a blank at your answer. Neru flickers his gaze at Oliver and sees nothing but dread written across his captain's face.

Despite the fact that everyone knows it’s a lie, seeing as how Oliver had admitted to them a week prior that he did kiss you, everyone (but Oliver) nods and nervously tells you that you’ll have it one day, patting your back in reassurance. Maybe their captain was lying? Maybe he just simply kissed you on the forehead or on the cheek? Regardless of what they hypothesize, clearly it wasn’t any of their business to try and intrude on, and Neru moves onto his next victim.

Oliver, however, fixes where he is, too filled with trepidation to try and move. Yes, you and him agreed to talk about the matter ever again and to pretend it never happened, but Oliver didn’t think you would take it to such a height that you erased what was your first kiss from existence. Ultimately meaning… he gave you your first kiss, and he asked you directly to pretend like it never happened. He asked you to pretend your first kiss never happened, that it was an accident and that it didn’t matter.

He’s been told that he’s an asshole from all the girls he’s collected over the years, but in the current heat of the moment, he truly feels like the title bestows him.

The clock moves fast in the moment he contemplates his thoughts, and he feels you tapping his shoulder suddenly. He looks up and sees the warmth of your gaze looking down at him, your coat all buttoned up and bag hooked on your arm.

“You ready to go? I gotta get home soon.”

“Oh,” Oliver steadies himself, not noticing the glances his teammates give him when he fixes himself up. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll be there in a second, you can wait by the lobby, if you’d like.”

With a nod of your head, you say goodbye to everyone and whisk yourself out. When they can’t hear your footsteps anymore, everyone scrambles toward their captain.

“You said you kissed her!” Sendou accuses.

“What, did you just kiss her somewhere else other than her lips or something?” Kitzunezato inquiries with a furrowed brow. “C’mon man, you can’t insinuate something like that so casually.”

“I’ll talk about it later,” Oliver mumbles as he zips up his coat. “Continue without me. I’m gonna walk her home.”

The questions in the air still linger behind him when he exits the room to meet you at the lobby, a casual smile on your face as if nothing happened, as if you weren’t noticing the tension he’s feeling.

Oliver cracks a sheepish grin back. At least, what he can hope for is a grin.

The walk back is quiet. You walk a little bit in front of him while he trails behind. Oliver wants to say something, but he feels as though he shouldn’t. But… something gnaws at him. Something that yearns for an answer, even though he knows he’ll lose sleep over whatever you give him.

So he asks you, right before you enter your apartment. A ghost of last week’s past in the air, haunting him.

“(Y/N),” he starts slowly, his eyes filled with self-contempt. “I was your first kiss, wasn’t I?”

Your grip around the doorknob tightens. He can see a slight tick in your jaw when his question comes out. A bitten lip is hidden from view, but you’re quick to replace it with that same uncanny smile he’s not familiar with seeing.

“I haven’t had my first kiss yet,” you say simply when you turn to him.

Oliver pauses, confused. “But last week, we—”

“I haven’t had my first kiss yet,” you repeat again, a strength to your words that silences him.

Oh.

He takes a step back. He sees what you’re doing. You and him agreed to pretend like the kiss never happened, and clearly here you were, upholding your side of the agreement. Who was he to try and break the contract you and he made?

A silence draws on his tongue, something otherworldly telling him not to say anything more to not worsen the situation. You allow him a brief moment of quiet to say something, and when he doesn’t, when he’s faltered to nothing, you take advantage of the moment.

“Thanks for walking me home. I’ll see you tomorrow, Aiku,” you mumble quietly, shutting your door and leaving him dumbly standing in front of your door.

Oliver stays there for a bit, wanting to knock on your door and ask you to tell him without a filter if he was your first, if he stole your first kiss and shoved it right back into your face. But he knows better.

So he turns and walks away, letting it be if that’s what you wanted.

Apparently, you have a date today.

You didn’t actually say anything, but the rumor floats about after Hayate overheard you discussing some plans with someone on the phone, a giddy smile on your face.

“She literally said ‘I can’t wait to see you’! That’s totally telling she has a date with some guy,” Hayate exclaims.

Darai is unconvinced. “Or she could just be talking to a friend or family member. Let’s be realistic, with how busy she is as a student and a junior manager, I highly doubt she has the time to go around and date.”

Oliver is quiet in his little corner of the locker room, his ears listening despite not facing his team. He doesn’t want them to see the heaviness in his eyes when Hayate first told them about it. He doesn’t want to hear more, but… he can’t help but indulge, irritably curious to see who this person was if he did exist at all.

Neru agrees with him, his eyes dancing over to Oliver’s figure. “Yeah. Let’s not assume anything. It’s her business anyways.”

“But what if this guy takes her away from us?!” Hayate babbles, worry evident on his face. “We’re gonna lose our precious manager! Oliver, surely you’ve got a say in this!”

A vexation takes over Oliver when Hayate brings up the possibility of you removing yourself from the team. His normally-balanced emotions suddenly unstable for a fleeting moment, making him shut his locker door a little too harshly than normal, making everyone in the locker room flinch at how the room shakes a bit from his strength.

He draws a shaky breath, regaining his balance again before he turns and faces them with his normally calm demeanor slapped onto his face. Don’t mind the small vein on his neck.

“Neru is right,” he says simply. “Let’s not meddle our heads into our manager’s outside business unless it revolves around soccer.”

With that, he leaves the locker room first, before they can stir up anything that may irritate him any further.

You leave an hour earlier than normal, wishing your uncle goodbye during one of their matches. Oliver, from the middle of the field, can just barely see your uncle wagging a finger at you and the words “be safe” being read from his lips. He watches as you quietly exit the field, not noticing how Niou had passed the ball to him.

“Aiku!” he shouts harshly. “The ball!”

“Oh shit,” Oliver hisses, taking notice of the black and white blur at his feet and how close Darai was to taking it. “Whoops. Sorry!”

Curiosity kills the cat, they say. Then collar up Oliver right there and then if he is one, since his curiosity takes over him when he asks out of impulse why did you leave early to his coach when they wrap up practice.

“She’s got a date with my coworker’s son,” Hoichi grunts, a clear disapproval of the date on his face. He supposes that’s what’s bound to come to him seeing as how Hoichi himself has daughters, and this may be a routine he’s grown used to. “My cute baby niece… she’s too grown up!”

Hoichi goes to sob into a handkerchief to Oliver’s contempt and he leaves his coach to wallow in his sadness… before he gets more second-hand embarrassment.

Oliver drags a hand down his face at the confirmation of the rumor. He keeps it to himself, however, when he tidies himself up in the locker room as everyone stirs about, knowing that something like this would surely ensue chaos amongst the men. But it’s a secret he’s burdened with keeping all to himself, the blatant fact that you may belong to someone else soon if this date went well.

He bids everyone goodbye, head hung low when he pictures you all pretty and dolled up for someone he thinks doesn’t deserve it. Maybe you’ll be flaunting one of your signature hair clips, or perhaps the earrings he bought for you. It’s been two weeks since he bought them and you’ve been wearing them more often, after all.

The walk back to his house begins in a quiet restaurant district of the city. He’s used to the hustle and bustle of lines outside some well-known restaurants, everyone donned in semi-formal wear with friends or partners in line. It’s not a place where a singular guy like him seems to blend in with.

He nearly rounds the corner from one restaurant in particular, but stops himself in his tracks when he registers what he sees.

You sit alone at the table nearest to the window, a poorly-disguised disappointment spread across your face when the waiter comes over and gestures to a couple that’s waiting for a table amidst all the filled ones in the restaurant. Oliver watches as you apologize to him and gather your stuff, exiting the restaurant shortly after the waiter gives his condolences.

You carry yourself out of the restaurant and Oliver’s breath hitches when he sees how you’ve gathered yourself up for tonight in full. You wear only a blouse and a skirt to match, heels that make you seem a little taller, to seem more confident, though now it’s nowhere to be found given your solemn features. The wind bites almost harshly, making you shiver from the chilled air.

Oliver is quick to unzip his jacket and his feet carry him to you before he can process where he’s going… what he’s doing. He drapes the thick fabric over your shoulders, the sudden warmth from seemingly nowhere making you look up.

He sees a framing of tears in your eyes that you’re trying not to let fall, and you manage to catch them just in time when you widen your eyes at his sudden appearance.

“Captain,” you greet softly with a fake smile, clearly taken aback.

Your voice cracks along the way when you say it. Oliver’s eyes soften when he registers the grasp of the current situation, understanding why you clutch your stomach and why you look dejectedly defeated.

“I’ll take you home,” he murmurs tenderly, an arm around you to shield you from the cold. “We can get something for you to eat along the way.”

Oliver hopes the sandwiches and ramen he got at the nearby convenience store will ease your growling stomach. He would have treated you for a better meal, one that isn’t loaded with insane amounts of sodium and preservatives, but it was clear to him that you just wanted to go home after a failed date.

He watches quietly when you insert your keys into the keyhole of your apartment door, but raises his brows when you refuse to twist it to unlock the latch, going to lay your forehead against the coolness of the door instead. A stillness overtakes your body, seemingly paralyzing you to the spot.

Oliver stays quiet, not wanting to interfere with… whatever it is you’re doing. He just watches from his position near the wall, not wanting to leave until you enter inside the safety of your apartment.

You close your eyes, letting out a stuttering breath to try and compose yourself. Don’t fall apart now, you tell yourself in your head, you’ve been doing so well so far. Just wait until he’s out of view… then drown yourself in your tears.

But your lips warble. Your chest hurts—you feel a pang every time you reflect back on your mountain of texts asking your date if he was still coming, the empty seat in front of you collecting dust for nearly an hour. You bite your lip harshly to try and distract yourself from the sadness that flows through your veins, but to no avail does it work, because you can just feel the river of quiet tears streaming down your cheeks. The plastic bag of food falls miserably on the floor.

Oliver lifts his head up when he hears a soft sniff. He thinks it’s just from the cold, but when he can see the glisten of tears from your closed eyes, he stiffens.

“Hey,” he starts softly, a hand going to rub your back to attempt comfort. “You alr—”

“Three times…” you mumble. “Once is just by chance… the second time is maybe a coincidence… But three times? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

He doesn’t really know what to say. He’s not sure if he should, really, considering he has absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, though context comes shortly after without him having to ask.

“Being stood up three fucking times in a row… how embarrassing,” you lament, a few tears falling from your chin and onto the carpet.

Oh. He sees the picture more clearly now. Oliver takes a step back to give you space. So this wasn’t your first date, but your third so far of the season. Or, at least an attempt at one. To be stood up and left in the dark three times is what no one wants, as he’s experienced it before and understands the looks of pity from strangers does no good in such a situation, like the one the waiter gave you before he asked you to leave.

“Shit, is there something wrong with me that I don’t know about or—?!” you draw a breath, turning your somber visage to Oliver suddenly, as if he had the answer.

He doesn’t. Or maybe he does; it’s just not the one you expect. Because although he doesn’t know what’s wrong with you specifically, he thinks there’s nothing wrong in general. Not with you.

You’re nothing less of kind and understanding, always attentive to each of the players’ needs. Oliver thinks of you as headstrong, determined to always push people to the best of their capabilities without degrading their integrity. But at the same time, you’re easy to be with, for everyone could show their authentic self around you without much filter needed.

He had always thought of you as beautiful as well, ever since the beginning from that day his coach introduced you. If anything, your beauty had bewitched him in the first place, and he’s sure it’s had the same effect on others—he even remembers Sendou’s cheeks being humiliatingly pink when you had talked to him for the first time.

So he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with you. At least not from his angle.

“Not at all,” he whispers, trying to bring you a sense of peace.

He expects your eyes to soften, your lips to curl—but they do neither. Instead, your gaze hardens at him unexpectedly, one that makes him swallow thickly.

“Funny how the guy that told me to forget my first kiss is saying that,” you spit cruelly, reddened eyes boring into him.

Oliver recoils and takes his hand away from you, giving you space. So he was a part of his too, huh? He supposes that he’s not one to try and say something as comforting as what he said when he was just like the others, if not… worse, considering he had kissed you in the flesh and abandoned you all in the same breath, leaving you in the dust.

You lift your head off the door and face him, a tired look in your eyes.

“I know we said to never talk about it again,” you mutter, “but I think I deserve to know. Tell me, Aiku, was it something I did? Did I say something that made you kiss me? Did you want something? Shit, did my breath smell?”

The words he wants to say knot in his throat again. He opens his mouth, but closes it when he realizes he can’t conjure anything right now. So he just simply stares at you with a longing he hopes you can see.

Clearly not. You grow frustrated at his silence. “That’s not fair. I need an answer. I don’t care what it is, just tell me something at least,” you plead.

A silence whirs by. And again, Oliver cannot come up with a proper response that feels honest, that feels whole. You’d settle for a lie at best, but even that, he can’t come up with.

Your eyes water when he just continues to stay quiet, lips sealed and locked from his opinion of you. His silence is more suffocating than whatever you want him to give, the worst of your thoughts embedding themselves even further in your mind.

You give him your last breath. And if he doesn’t respond to this one, you’ll leave him be and enter into your apartment for the night.

“Was it because it was me that you kissed?” you ask sternly, heart shattering by each second that goes by without another sound. “Did you regret kissing m—”

“No.”

Oliver says his first word to you, clear and true, finally finding something from the knot of words lumped from his throat. He lifts his shameful head up to look at you with an earnest he’s found in himself.

Regret isn’t what he felt in the aftermath… it was doubt.

Doubt of his feelings for you. Doubt that he could live up to your standards. Doubt that he could treat you as well as you deserved.

He told you to forget about the kiss because he doubted himself too heavily that he’d be able to be a person worth deserving of your time, because if he wasn’t, he didn’t want the remnants of his thoughts of a chance to exist in fear of looking like a fool.

Oliver was doubtful of the meaning of the kiss between you and him, not finding a clear answer of why he did it and what it may have meant to you, so instead of trying to figure out a solution, he had chosen to ignore its existence for the better of himself, for his own protection, while completely ignoring your own thoughts in the process. A selfish act, he thinks bitterly.

You blink at him, confused as a few stray tears fall.

“I don’t regret kissing you at all,” he mutters. “I just… I just wished it didn’t happen in the way that it did.”

You go still, trying to register the meaning of his words. Oliver’s melancholy is radiating all over him, something that is in similar style to yours.

“I wish I kissed you in a better setting. I wish I kissed somewhere more romantic, where I was sober,” Oliver states slowly, plucking out his feelings in a tender manner. “Where I could control myself. Where I could tell you my feelings straight up instead of throwing them in your face.”

When he looks back on the moment where he kissed you on impulse, his alcohol taking over his body and his restraint to fully show his honest feelings toward you, he may feel regretful that it wasn’t as grandeur as you deserved, but kissing you could never be regretted. Kissing you in the moment was a doubtful decision, sure, but Oliver doesn’t regret it for a bit. Not you. Never you.

Not when your lips felt so plush and so fit with his, not when you kissed him in equal fervor that mirrored his own feelings that he didn’t realize you did so until now, because no one would kiss him like that if they didn’t feel the same way.

“I didn’t hate the fact that it was you I kissed, but… more so I hated the way I kissed you during then,” his voice strains, the air in his lungs lessening. “And I wanted to forget about it because I was embarrassed that I did something so impulsive to you.”

Him telling you to regret it was his version of drawing a blank slate. For him to rewrite something more meaningful with you, if you allowed it. If he knew earlier that it’d be your first kiss, he would’ve had the measures to at least stop himself and give you the experience of what would’ve been a much greater and beautiful moment.

But no matter how much you and him try to bypass his kiss, try to say it was nothing, that it was meaningless—the more it becomes repressed, the more significance it picks up. And all Oliver can do now is just accept it and to simply go forward.

So he takes a daring step forward, a distance closer to your radius.

He steadies his breathing, fixating his vision on the fullness of your face. He wishes it was him that outfit was for, as he curses at the fact it was wasted on such a shitty day like today. He wishes that your face wasn’t stained with tears as it was right now, but instead, featuring a soft smile you’d often give him during fleeting moments between the two of you alone.

But if you’ll allow him to, Oliver thinks he could still get that smile on your lips tonight. One that he’d be the sole cause of.

His hands lift to rest on your cheeks, thumbs caressing over them to wipe some tears away. The soft lilt of your head lets him better see you from his angle above.

He’s sober—you are too. There’s nothing but pure blood running through each of your veins, nothing to cause anything reckless other than his own self.

Oliver asks you quietly, devotedly, “Can I show you the way I’ve always wanted to kiss you?”

He stares into the glimmering pools of your eyes, searching for something to grasp and hold onto, to nurture and take care of.

Another shuddered breath draws from your lips. You go still again for a moment… before you give him a nod and let him bring you to him.

He kisses you tenderly, his lips capturing your own in an essence he had been craving to emulate with you since the moment he laid eyes on you for the very first time. The warmth from then blooms itself within his chest, and he presses his lips more firmly against yours when you allow him to deepen the kiss after the first few soft, careful grazes.

The softness of your lips he had felt just a few weeks ago sends sparks on his, that familiar tingling feeling they had been yearning for finally feeling satisfaction. His arms go wrap around your waist and bring your bodies closer to each other as you steady your hands on his broad shoulders, distance unheard of between your heartbeats that mirror each other's rhythm. Your lips feel like cotton against his roughened ones, but you still invite him to savor you, to taste you in full awareness.

You’re first to break away to catch some air. Oliver allows you to, his forehead resting on yours as you try to compose yourself as he admires you from the closeness between you and him. You suddenly take the lead this time, hungry and craving for more from him, kissing him again in a manner so passionate, it lands you against the door. But you and him go unfazed from the impact, heads too filled with the yearning for each other to notice.

Oliver separates slowly from you, lips swollen and wet from the fervor of the kiss. He breathes slowly, synchronizing with your own breaths as you gaze into each other fully. Your tears have stopped, he’s noticed, and on your lips is an ever-so-soft grin melded from the moment between you and him.

A hand goes to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear, one that reveals one half of the pair of earrings he gifted you all those days ago, before it cradles your face again.

“Something like that,” he whispers. “If that was okay.”

You give a soft sigh of contentment. “I think that was more than okay…”

He chuckles lowly, a weight being lifted from his shoulders. “Yeah?”

You lick your lips before you giggle soundly, nodding almost shyly as you feel the leftover sparks from the kiss on your lips.

“Yeah.”

Your hands intertwine with his, sharing a warmth between each other. Oliver brings one of your interconnected ones up and gently kisses your knuckles, a flutter in your chest arising when his eyes soften at you, full of love and devotion solely for you to consume.

“Twelve more to go, Aiku!” Hoichi hollers.

Guilt builds itself within you, especially as you trail Oliver’s lethargically-running figure from the stands as he continues running laps around the field. The rest of the team has been long gone, and it’s been two hours since practice has ended, but their captain remains on the field, his punishment for his earlier actions being to run fifty laps.

What exactly did he do to deserve such a fate?

Ask your uncle permission to take you on a date.

You’ve never seen such a fire rage in your uncle’s eyes when Oliver had brought up the topic, one that even made you flinch at his fury. Men he barely knew were one thing… but Oliver? Someone he’s known for years and has brought up a reputation for being a playboy? Dating his precious niece? How dare he even bring up the topic!

But you had explained to your uncle as best as possible that all you wanted to do was just go on a simple date with him, just to test out the waters. Nothing too crazy at first. He supposes that your reasoning made better sense, as it managed to relax some of his nerves, but the remnants of his wrath remained and your uncle will grant Oliver permission to do as he wishes under one condition.

“You wanna earn my blessing?” your uncle had declared with folded arms. Oliver had nodded from his bowed position, only for him to freeze when he heard the singular condition that would grant him permission. “Run fifty laps around the field. Straight. No breaks.”

“You don’t think you’re being too harsh…?” you question quietly to your uncle, whose hard stare remains on Oliver from above. “I think he’s done enough.”

“If he wants to show that he’s devoted to you like he said he did,” your uncle starts, “then let him work for you. Don’t let him or any man half-ass their way to you if they show they're not dedicated enough.”

You sigh miserably, supposing he’s right in some sense or another. But you just wish that his punishment was much less harsh than over-exhausting his captain.

But when you see Aiku throw a grin your way and a warbly thumbs up mid-run, making you laugh softly, you suppose that this is his way of showing he truly was ready for you, that he’ll earn his way towards you in every possible instance if it means he’ll get to have you as his.

a/n: so this was not supposed to actually be this long... i anticipated it to be somewhere along the lines of like... 4k at most? i apologize that this was extraordinarily lengthy 😭

i almost ended up cutting it into halves/thirds, but i figured i'd be too lazy to try and continue it so i just kept writing and writing. mind you i started this literally yesterday, adhd and hyperfocus is a funny thing. hopefully this turned some of u guys into aiku fans bc he got my ass unfortunately

but regardless, thank you for reading! comments and reblogs are the best way to support creators you enjoy, and leaving one will always be noticed and appreciated (´• ◡ •`) ♡ !!!!

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock x reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock angst #bllk x reader #blue lock smut #oliver aiku #oliver aiku x reader #oliver aiku x you #oliver aiku x y/n #fem!reader #blue lock ; oliver aiku

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lovemomhatepolice · 18 hours ago

Text

max verstappen nswf alphabet (part 2) (minors DNI!)

navigation taglist requests

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Max is not a fan of “consensual sex.” You may have all sorts of emotions bubbling up inside you, and the easiest thing to do would be to throw yourself at each other in the heat of the evening, but that's not it. Verstappen definitely prefers to analyze everything first, talk, and only then think in the future about making love to you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Fortunately or unfortunately, Max tends to be the type who prefers “take” in this subject. He can make you come several times by p in v, but he himself thinks he's not the best at going down on you. That's why he prefers it when you take the initiative and take care of him to the best of your ability. He loves to see you on your knees in front of him and your beautiful lips which he has only for himself.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Fast and rough. For Max, there is no other answer. Like him on the track, like him in bed. Especially when the race (by some miracle) did not go his way. Then you have the best sex. Of course, this is all within your limits and he never exceeds anything. But he loves to have you in his hands and do whatever you want and however he wants.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) There is no time for quickies. As funny as it doesn't sound, Max doesn't have time to fleetingly grab you and play around corners. For the rest, I don't think he's a big fan. He likes to have time, he likes how you are all for him and how he can show you physically what he shows you verbally when he is not next to you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Shucks, it's hard to tell. Max loves a challenge, but I wouldn't say he loves taking risks either. It depends on what kind of risk you mean. He certainly wouldn't take the risk that someone would see you - he values his, let alone your, privacy too much and tries to protect you as much as he can. Likewise with the risk of your pregnancy - he'd like to become a father, but you both think there's still time for that, especially since you're at the peak of your form and gaining great achievements, so the time for domestication will come yet.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) He can do it as long as you let him. Because of this, you don't see each other often, or at least not as much as he would like. Therefore, when he has the opportunity, he goes all in. As long as you let him, Max will be happy to have you all to himself. And that you can have all of him.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Once in his life he bought you a vibrator because he saw advertisements everywhere and wanted to see you satisfy yourself with it. Was it as he wanted? He himself doesn't know, but the sight of you in front of him, taking care of yourself was definitely worth the money and the cunning plan. That's why he's not a contrarian, I wouldn't likely call him an enthusiast either - he just thinks it's a cool thing to diversify.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) It depends on his mood. Mostly you're the person who initiates something, especially between races when he's all rushed and his head flies off to the track. But sometimes he's in such a mood that he's happy to come to you and be super clingy, touching you and trying to make you feel good. And during sex he likes to prolong your orgasm, although you beg him to stop.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) It seems to me that Max is one of those things that aren't particularly loud, but he likes to let you know he's feeling good. Silent mutterings, your name repeated like a mantra, words of affection. Max likes to let you know that you make him feel the best in the world.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) In the past (before your relationship) Max had a disturbingly high interest in older women. Perhaps he also thought more than once about how nice it would be to have someone in the form of a sugar momma? He himself doesn't know where this came from with him, maybe it started when he found old records at his father's house?

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) You probably didn't expect it, but Max is relatively large. Really, when it came to your first close-up, you couldn't believe what he was hiding under his clothes. You were even shocked and, without hiding it, afraid of what would happen once he was inside you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Max is poised. He doesn't need much and he doesn't need often. This is mostly due to the lifestyle he leads and has led long before you came along. The man is even unnaturally muted, but with your proven ways, you are able to seduce him in a second.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Max is a world champion. He is constantly on the go, has a lot of responsibilities, the whole world is literally on his head. Therefore, every moment when he can rest is precious to him. And rest with you? He couldn't have dreamed better. An intoxicating evening and then a whole night in the arms of the love of his life is something he could give up everything for. Therefore, answering - yes, he falls asleep quickly. Even too fast.

A/N: part one if anyone missed it!! AAND first part of Lando Norris series

I encourage you to give requests in the Christmas marathon! click here :) and in my celebration to the first thousand!

please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)

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brotherwtf · 2 days ago

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John meeting Gale years after Gale rejected him. Just by chance. And like Hozier’s words, “crawling back to you” The pain from the rejection didn’t even register. John just immediately relapses like Gale is the hardest drug to heal from. Still beautiful, still handsome, still the brightest star Bucky’s ever had the pleasure of being in the presence of. They ended up going for coffee and John finding out he’s divorced and moved to New York (or wherever u imagine ig they’re just living in the same city now). John falls for Gale hard and fast once more. Every second spent with the other man just reminded him of all the things that made him fall in love. Except this time, his beautiful star falls for him as well.

SECOND CHANCE ROMANCEEE!!!

THISSS omg I love this, them a little older, a little less young and stupid, but John still feels as lovesick as the day he first saw him

his heart ached when he saw Gale and Marge get married, Gale looked so happy with her, and when he had held John like that overseas, that quiet rejection still fresh in his mind when Gale had held John's hand one night and told him that he was still getting married to Marge, eyes cast down almost to avoid John's gaze, but he met his eyes just once to ask if John would still be his best man, and how could John ever refuse Gale anything?

after the wedding John moved to New York, couldn't handle the small town of Manitowoc Wisconsin and wanted to see the big city, halfway wanted to forget everything and everyone he ever met, fucked his way halfway through the queer population to try and forget, but one day he sits quietly in a diner, horrifically hungover and he sees him sitting alone in a booth hands slightly trembling as they thumb through a menu, and John feels his heart drop all the way to his feet all over again, and he works up the courage to go over and sit in the seat across from him, a soft "Buck" on his lips that alerts the other man of his presence

he's still as beautiful as he was in flight school, a little scarred and skinny but still those same icy blue eyes and petal pink lips that form a small 'o' but falls quickly back into that soft smile Gale always reserved just for John, and even though John tried desperately to forget, he finds himself falling hard and fast again

John finds out as they eat breakfast together that Gale divorced Marge and came up to New York to start a new life, didn't know he'd run into John all the way out here, and John of course desperately invites him back to his place when Gale mentions he doesn't quite have a place to stay, to which Gale calmly and casually agrees, agrees that it would be nice to catch up after everything

every minute of every day that they spend together, trying to find non-trivial jobs and just go about their days as two war veterans, but every minute that John spends with Gale reminds him how hard he fell and he realizes he's falling in love all over again because they so casually fall back into step with each other, they work so easily together and John can't help but steal those same glances as before, steal touches as he used to, and Gale accepts them all as if no time had passed

John only realized Gale might be falling in love with him as well when he notices that Gale welcomes the touches a little more than overseas, when Gale looks for him in a crowd, when Gale's eyes light up whenever John comes home, how sometimes when Gale has a nightmare John finds Gale in his bed and shushes him for comfort, holds an arm around him and tells him he's safe, and when John wakes up screaming Gale's always first to run into his room, sits on the edge of his bed and awkwardly leans over until John lets him in.... he realizes Gale's in love with him as well when exactly ten years after VE day Gale leans closer to John on their little balcony and tells him he wasn't sure how he would have survived without John, and John finally allows himself to express his feelings and leans forward to kiss Gale and sighs in relief when Gale kisses back

second chance romance where they get to live the rest of their life in New York happy and in love :))

#mota #clegan #buck x bucky #gale cleven #john egan #asks

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k4lenz · 2 days ago

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i loved you first ✮ chapter 1.

(ted nivison x fem!reader)

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

a/n: i’ve been listening to the song 'i love you, i'm sorry' on repeat, and something hit me really hard about it. so i decided to write an angst fic very much loosely based on the lyrics! childhood best friend!ted that you used to do everything with. i was crashing out hard while writing this, can you tell?? anyway enjoy chapter 1 ahhhhh ALSO I KNOW THIS IS ANGST I SWEAR CHAPTER 2 ITLL GET BETTER IM SORRY but also chapter 2 is gonna be more of this song coded oops. idk if i love this but i hope u guys do :)

playlist: click right here bb

notes: angst, fluff, dating, growing up together, YEARNING, underage drinking, dating, drugs, coming of age, highschool, university, that damn Toyota Tacoma, lunch club + SMPlive mentions, parents mentioned

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

2008. Your parents moved into his hometown in Massachusetts when you were just shy of 10, and became friends with his parents who lived just a few streets away. You shyly greeted him for the first time, and you two just clicked.

You were inseparable from then on, and your parents were so thankful they sent you to the same primary school. And then it continued into middle school, and even highschool. Attached at the hip.

For his 16th birthday, 2014, you bought Ted a polaroid camera. Shabby money you’d gathered up from chores around the house and a job at a cafe. You’d bought him an album for the pictures too, your both signed the back of it. Nonetheless, it still got you the gift. From then on, it was his favourite gift he’d ever gotten. Even if you told him he didn’t have to say that, you’d sparked an interest of photography in him from the beginning.

People, especially your friends, were always suspicious you two were dating. Rather, you’d both always wave it off with a “gross!” and a laugh.

Despite the lingering touches, on your waist, a hand around your shoulders, a jab in your side, a squeeze in your hand, your hand in his hair.

You two were just friends.

✮

Halfway through the winter, the ground icy and snow piling. January 17th, 2015. He was freshly 17, slowly growing out of his boyish features with his very own 2002 Green Toyota Tacoma and a proper license. So proud of himself.

He’d not come to school on the day because he’d had his test (and he hadn’t wanted to waste his birthday-day doing it the day before).

4pm sharp he was out the front of your house, beeping the horn of his newly owned car and a that big childish grin on his face. The look on his face was familiar to you, like home, recognisable throughout the years and never changing.

You ran out the front door giggling, tripping over your own feet in excitement as he got out of his car and came around to open the passenger side door for you. Giving you a little poke before getting back in the car.

“Y’like it?” “I’ll like it more when you drive me to school every morning! “If I have to.” He’d sigh, albeit exaggerated, but secretly his heart would warm. He’d made you take a picture of him with the car, too. And he’d snuck one of you with it when you weren’t looking.

The winter weather slowly faded, preparing itself for the blossoming flowers of Spring.

Valentine’s Day, 2015. He was beeping again out the front of your house, to your parents usual annoyance and a disturbance to your neighbourhood.

But to give him credit, you’d told him to pick you up 5pm because you’d asked him for more time to get ready. And it was 5:05pm.

You came out of your front door with the biggest smile on your face, cheeks tinged pink, tucking your hair behind your ear, as he stood there with one hand behind his back and the other holding the passenger door open for you.

“What’cha got there, Teddy?” You teased, as he handed you the bouquet of roses, proclaiming they were platonic and watching you giggle.

“Thankyou. They’re beautiful.”

You’re beautiful. is what he wanted to say. And they’re not platonic. And I love you and I always have, since the minute I laid eyes on you.

But instead he grabbed his polaroid camera once you’d sat down in the passenger seat, wanting to snap a picture of you holding the flowers. He used the camera to hide the blush on his cheeks.

Click. He was just saying it in his own way.

You two drove down to the lake, sitting in his car eating snacks you’d bought on the way there and laughing about everything and nothing. Just you two against the world.

His eyes glanced at your lips, and then met your eyes again. Your eyes stared through his soul, your lips found his as if that was all they were ever made to do. The night ended in soft whispers, giggles, his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck, lips interlocked as if they could never part again. as if you were each others air.

Quiet promises of relationships. You two never announced it, but you didn’t ever need to, you came into school holding hands and nobody batted an eye. Like it was bound to happen. As if everybody but you two knew and kept the secret to themselves, waiting for you to finally figure it out.

✮

Many nights were spent sneaking into each other’s houses, into each other’s beds, holding each other close. Beds warm with each other, he typically preferred sneaking into your house. Your sheets warmer, fluffier. More you.

You studied together, stayed together, and worked hard for your final moments of highschool.

You couldn’t have done it without him, and he couldn’t have done it without you.

May, or April, 2016. Prom night. You couldn’t quite remember. The memories got fuzzier as time passed, you’d admit. He waited downstairs, talking to your parents in his best suit and tie, the colour matching your own dress as you finally came down the stairs. He was speechless, his eyes simply absorbing you. He had to make sure the flowers in his hand didn’t drop as he handed them to you and your hand found his chest.

“You okay there, Teddy?” You laughed fondly, eyes glittering and amused.

“You’re the most stunning thing I’ve seen in my entire life.” He’d reply, entranced. Your parents shared a look, raising eyebrows to each other knowing he was the right one for you.

Most of your night spent on the dance floor, twirls and dips and laughter. Your friends altogether, but to him it felt like you were the only person in the room, when he dipped you and kissed you to his favourite song. Your friends gagging playfully, saying you two were straight out of a Disney movie.

The night held a party after with everyone in your year, at some guy’s house you hardly remember. The taste of alcohol on your lips, and Ted’s, you recalled. Snapping drunk Polaroid pictures and singing (screaming) the most popular music like you’d never hear it again.

June 16th, 2016. You wore your graduation caps and robes. He picked you up at 9am, the ceremony started at 11.

He knocked on the door, hair styled, glasses on, robes on, and his graduate cap. Greeting your parents with warm smiles, hugs, and congratulations at your front door as you told them you’d go with Ted and meet them there. It felt like home. He felt like home.

Your parents snapping a picture of you two walking down the driveway hand in hand and sending it to his parents. That picture was your lock screen on your phone for a good long while.

That same stupid damn truck waiting for you in the driveway.

“You look incredible.” He murmured in your ear, voice as sweet as honey, pulling you in for a kiss as soon as he’d opened the door for you to get in the car. You were sure your parents were still watching, but you kissed him back anyway. “You’re not too bad yourself, handsome.”

You sat at the spot hear the lake in the car again, for that extra hour you had. You weren’t too heavy hearted, not at all, because you’d both gotten accepted into Ithaca College in New York. Even though everything would be changing, you would have everything changing together. You’d even found a sweet little apartment together, close by to campus. You’d gotten a job at a café down the road, and he was doing editing on YouTube.

You were reminiscing on your best memories of Massachusetts. Of how you met. Of school.

You two against the world.

You and your family cheered loud when your boyfriend got up on the podium and accepted his certificate, your parents sitting right next to his, and you still waiting in line.

His eyes first found his parents, your parents, and then you.

It was always you.

Him and his family cheered loud when you got your own certificate. He was already lined up with the rest of the fellow graduates, holding up his certificate. But he was simply entranced by your wide smile and laughter.

Your eyes first found your parents, his parents, and then him.

It was always him.

Always each other.

You went to a party, laughing getting drunk with your friends. Celebrating what you’d call freedom. Hand in hand. You’d stumbled back into his house, which was now allowed according to your parents and his, because you were both 18.

The next day you were hungover, eyes dreary and heavy with a bit too much alcohol. Regret, pancakes, and those prized hours of sleep.

The day after you were ready. That dumb Toyota Tacoma once again sitting in your driveway at around Midday. Ready for you two to make the trip to Ithaca. The sweltering heat of the start of summer coming down on you two in heavy rays.

Loading your boxes into the car, your parents and his parents chatting in your house. Playfully nudging him while you two walked down the driveway, he gasped.

“Oh, so you want me to drop your precious valuables?”

“No!” You’d squeal, as he set another box down in his boot and lift you up to spin you around. The joy in the air undeniable. Independence and your very own space to yourselves, together.

Everything together. Not a statement, but a promise.

Soft goodbyes to parents, long hugs and promises to call, tears pairing with the new feeling of independence. You felt upset, but also happy. Happy you had set life plans, that you’d graduated and now knew what you were doing, alongside the love of your life.

Ted would always be the love of your life. You were so sure of it at the time.

Endless chatter filled the car as you two drove to Ithaca. He’d insisted on driving, teasing you that you’d crash his car when you’d told him to take a break and let you drive. A few pit stops and many cans is sods and bags of chips later, you were in Ithaca and loading your boxes into your dorm.

Sharing looks at the state of said dorm, but embracing it as your new home anyway. You’d make it your own.

✮

College was hard, but you made time. You were both doing your degrees that went for the same length, and yet you still found time for each other. You always would.

It wasn’t hard to find friends, and considering you and Ted were always attached, you fit in well to a friend group together. Days had studies or work, smoking weed and drinking and parties were what weekend nights held. Kisses and shotgunning, and so much more. Your parents would kill you and his parents would kill him if they knew, but hey, that’s the fun of college.

You watched him start off his YouTube career properly in 2017, as a part time kind of thing. You encouraged him, even, sometimes appearing in the back of his videos. In 2019, sometimes you’d be in a Lunch Club video or two, simply as ‘Ted’s Cool Girlfriend’, and you’d play on his account on SMPLive. You met all of his other friends, and familiarised yourself in his world as the end of your degrees neared.

And yes, you were the girlfriend, with your dad in town, that he had to cancel on when he went to a misfits party during the day, because he did indeed have a 400mg edible. His friends continuously sending you videos of him stuck on the couch, questioning his entire life choices, chugging water for his cottonmouth. Shaking, while narrating the whole situation like it was a storybook. Trying to tough it out. You still have the video on your phone of Schlatt putting a handheld massager on your boyfriend who looks half dead. You’d also made his friends use that old Polaroid camera to take a picture, knowing he’d want to look back at it and laugh.

You’d lied through your teeth to your dad, still laughing at the videos, which hadn’t helped anyway because about a month later Ted posted a video on it anyway. He most definitely got reprimanded by his parents and your own.

✮

As the end of college edged closer, nights were spent studying, or in the library together. Comfortable silences, with the occasional jab or joke. It was all so perfect.

And yet, it almost felt like for once in the last 12 years, you two were living separate lives. Not simply attached at the hip anymore, you two were so different.

You were close, always, but something felt off.

✮

Before you two had began college together, you’d sat in the back of his Toyota Tacoma down at the lake, laying on pillows wrapped up in blankets staring at the stars. A few weeks before highschool graduation.

“We should travel the world together, Teddy. Go see everything amazing out there. You could make a short film of it, or something. Travels with ted.”

His eyes lit up, the prospect of it making him yearn for the future.

“That’s a stupid name.” He teased. “But I like that.”

You giggled, playfully hitting his chest. “I’m being serious!

“As am I, that’s a stupid name. And I want to travel with you.” His lips found yours, he kissed you softly, carefully. To show he meant it. “We can start saving.”

✮

And you did start saving, you both were still saving.

And yet you hadn’t talked about it since at least 2018, hadn’t had time to even think about it. Far too busy with the whirlwinds of the world of New York City and College.

You sat on the couch, May 3rd 2020, exactly one month before your graduation.

He sat on the floor while you sat on the couch, his head between your legs facing away while you two watched a movie. His hands on your legs, your hands in his hair. But something felt distant, you felt distant.

You were lost in your thoughts, anxiety creeping up in your gut. Crawling through your body, seeping into your head. You watched his head move to look back at you, and you blinked.

“Are you okay, honey?” He murmured, those big brown eyes finding yours, his voice soothing but ringing through your ears.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m good. Why?” You managed to stammer out, tone laced with nervousness. You were never good at lying.

“I said somethin’ about the movie and you didn’t reply.” His eyes narrowed, concerned. It was then he noticed your laboured breath, and the rhythmic tapping of your foot against the floor beside him. He reached for the remote to pause the film, and sat beside you on the couch. His hand finding yours, and his shoulder touching yours.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” The words made your throat feel heavy, your lips parting to speak but nothing coming out. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”

I do. The thought rattled in your brain, as you built the courage to speak.

“I do.” You could hear that your own voice was shaky. You swallowed hard. “I was just, thinking.. um..”

“That’s rare.” He teased quietly, holding your hand. You laughed quietly, shaking your head.

His joke brought just that little bit of relief, if only for a brief moment. You found your voice.

“I was thinking about our future.” You paused for a moment.

“I was thinking about us.”

You saw his eyes process the statement that was more of a question, with a blink. A thousand unspoken words on his tongue, and your own too.

Are you still coming with me? Is what you were asking. Are we still going to travel together like we always said we would?

He hesitated, and you knew. A little part of you just knew.

“Everything is going really well for me, here.” He almost sounded shameful. His eyes unable to find yours, you knew they were filled with guilt and empty promises.

You hesitated, this time.

“I don’t want to stay.” You were breathless as the words tumbled out of your mouth.

And at that moment, for the first time, you felt worlds apart. His hand on yours felt distant, nothing else in the room but just.. you. You and your own thoughts.

The words had triggered an argument, tears, a fight or flight response. You slept at your friends dorm that night, yet you’d hardly slept at all.

You came back to open arms the next morning, whispered apologies, flowers and pancakes. And the salty taste of tears.

But it felt over. A certain sinking feeling in your gut, eating you up. You knew he felt it too.

Your greatest fear was right there in front of you. Making your hands shake and your knees weak. You and your other half.

You two were finally growing apart.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

#to be continued #I SWEAR #chuckle sammy #I SWEAR ITLL GET BETTER #chuckle sandwich #ted nivison #ted nivison x you #chuckle sandwich x reader #ted nivison x reader #fluff #angst #ted nivison x y/n #ted nivision #ted nivision x reader #ted nivison fluff #ted nivison fanfic

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taeghi · 12 hours ago

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niki - the enemies to lovers trope

"god do you even know how the geometry of interactions relates to the balance of bodies?" "um yeah, obviously i do." "really? because the awful way you do your pirouettes doesn't really show it."

summary : when you were younger, you thought you were lucky to only have to see nishimura riki at your dance academy, but your luck heavily changed when you end up going to the same high school together. and it especially got worse when the two of you are forced to be partners for the upcoming science fair.

wc : 6.7k

genre : mild fluff, angst and mildly suggestive - (no smut)

part of the classics series 🤎

authors note : sorry this took me 3/4 years to post lmao love u

you love ballet.

you love the way it allows you to express your feelings. you love the way it makes your body feel like it's on fire and ice at the same time. the way it makes you completely exhausted afterwards, but you still crave more and more.

you didn't, however, like nishimura riki.

unfortunately, riki joined your dance studio that you ever so cherished when you were both nine years old. the first time you saw him, your dance instructor was introducing him to the class. he seemed harmless at first— to be honest you didn’t even think much of him as you greeted him with the rest of the class at your instructors’ signal.

it was only when riki joined you at the ballet bar, standing on the other side of the barre as you, that you first felt that deep anger and annoyance towards him that you’d end up feeling towards him for years.

you follow your instructors’ instructions and stand the barre in position ready to warm up with your pliés and tendues. starting in fifth position like you always do with your right hand on the barre, suddenly there’s a hand blocking yours, latching onto the barre where you usually hold it.

“oh, um, my hand was there first, could you move up a little?” you tell the new boy politely, blissfully unaware of what a menace he was.

“no.” he answers over his shoulder. the music starts and he focuses his eyesight straight ahead, bending into a plié. you scoff, taken aback by him. begrudgingly you step back, leaving enough room for him, you and the girl behind you.

when the class moves onto ronde de jambe à terre, you almost forgot about riki’s response just minutes prior, focusing on your movements and following the instructors’ words. then, a sudden thud hits your shin that you’re standing on.

“ow!” you lose position, stepping away from the bar and looking at the floor to see what hit you. you see just in time that riki’s foot had kicked you.

“y/n!” you instructor snaps, “get back in position! no talking.”

you open your mouth to respond, words wanting to come out to defend yourself but the glare that your instructor was giving you told you that you shouldn’t. you should know that talking isn’t prohibited during the warm ups.

you sigh and get back into position, hearing riki’s low chuckles through the music. you glare at the back of his head whilst keeping up with the beat for the remainder of the class.

you knew by the end of your first dance class with nishimura riki that you were going to hate him for the rest of your life. thank god, you only had to see him at your dance studio.

your reciprocal hatred with nishimura riki only increased for both of you as you aged, eight years later.

everyone in the dance studio knew that you and riki couldn’t stand each other. you seemed that you couldn’t even be in the same room with each other for more than five minutes without being at each other's throats.

it doesn’t help that you and riki are at the same competitive level of dancing. which means that a majority of your dance classes are with each other. the competitions you sign up for are the exact same ones that riki signs up for.

somewhere along the way, you and riki started competing against each other with everything. whatever he does, you can do a hundred times better. it’s just that riki thinks the same thing about himself.

you don’t like each other, yet, you’re seemingly forced to be together.

you’re practicing your group’s recital routine in the free practice room. looking directly at your reflection in the large mirror that covers the entire wall. your ballet slippers are scuffed from all the practicing you’ve been doing recently. your dance studio’s recital is soon, anyways.

the door of the room slams shut suddenly, making you tumble out of your pirouette. your eyebrows furrowed together, looking at the door behind you in the reflection. your groan of annoyance is covered by the classical music playing through the speakers. but you can tell riki can read your expression in the mirror by his face contorting into a laugh.

you turn off the music, spinning on your heel to look at him, crossing your arms over your chest.

“what do you want?”

riki keeps his taunting smirk on his face as he shrugs, “nothing— just wondering if you even know how the geometry of interactions relates to the balance of bodies?”

you scoff at his attempt to sound so smart, “um, yeah, obviously i do.”

“really? because the awful way you do your pirouettes doesn’t really show it.”

you glare at riki, your upper contorting into disgust. you huff and stomp over to your bag, slinging it on your shoulder as you push past him, leaving the practice room.

you hear riki laughing behind you, “oh come on! loosen that damn bun of yours, it’s restricting blood flow to your brain!”

you slam the door behind you, not giving him a second glance.

damn, nishimura riki, he always ruins your mood.

you can’t lie and say that it isn’t exhausting to always be fighting with him. and you also can’t lie and say that you haven’t done things to upset him on purpose either. like the time you accidentally loosened the lid of his water bottle and when he went to drink it it just so happened to spill all over him and the dance floor. you didn’t mind his glares from behind the mop as he was forced by the instructor to clean up the spilled water.

but then again, riki and you have done so much fighting over the years that it feels impossible for there ever to be peace between you two. you’re just glad that there’s one more year of high school and then you can go to university and never have to see nishimura riki ever again.

you didn’t think about nishimura riki at school. you found school to be your safe space— away from the strict rules of your dance instructors, the sweaty smell in the practice rooms and riki.

on monday, you walk into your science class expecting nothing out of the ordinary, except for maybe a dead frog or two that mr barr forces you to dissect.

instead, you find nishimura riki sitting in the usual empty seat right beside yours. you stop in your tracks at the front of the classroom. your jaw is loose on its hinge as you stare agape at the sight in front of you.

riki, your arch nemesis, your competitors, your rival, is in the one public place you could actually avoid him. his annoying presence now fills up the space where you once could avoid it. his smirk that you’ve wanted to punch off his face is directly towards you now, just like all your other classmates’ gaze. they couldn’t understand why your initial reaction to the “new kid” was so detrimental.

“no. way.” was all you could speak, voicing the words that were circling your mind.

“aw, did you miss me, y/n?” riki’s smirk turns into a mischievous grin. you could see your classmates look at each other, realizing that you must know each other.

“this is, like, actually my worst nightmare.” you think out loud, your eyes dazed as you move to your spot, not comprehending what was happening. you couldn’t accept that this was your reality now. you prayed that this was one of riki’s usual, awful pranks. and god, this was his worst one yet.

riki tsks mockingly as you sit in your spot, “i thought this could be more like a dream. don’t you wanna be classmates with me, y/n?”

your jaw remains open as you look at him. you can’t think of anything to say. you slam your science textbook on your desk.

you’d rather one of mr barr’s frogs.

thankfully, you only had your science class with riki. which is already one too many that you’d ever want with him.

somehow, riki had been swept up by the group of kids that everyone wanted to be in during his first week at your school. he seemed to fit right in with the rest of them as they filled up the biggest table in the cafeteria.

you couldn’t help but eat your french fries with a scowl as you looked over at riki and his new “group” of friends. how could everyone like riki so much whilst you did the opposite? the thought of him being nice to everyone except you ran through your mind. you ignored the fact that it left a slight sting in your chest.

you weren’t going to let nishimura riki ruin your lunch. though, just the sight of him seemed to be enough since your plate of fries looks like it hasn’t even been touched.

you groan as you get up, throwing your fries in the trash as you leave the cafeteria, hating that you can pick out riki’s laugh in the busy room so easily.

“oh my god! y/n! hey!” a voice calls out to you in the hall.

you glance up, instantly recognizing rei and jiwoo smiling at you. their usual matching headbands stick out to you as they approach you.

“uh, hi?” you greet, unable to mask your confusion. they had never even looked at you before, let alone addressed you by name and in public.

“how are you?” jiwoo tilts her head to the side, enhancing her slim jaw.

“good.” you drag out the syllables, wary of what they want with you.

“good! good!” rei chimes in a little too cheerfully, her hand gently swatting your arm with a friendly tap.

“so, you know nishimura riki, right?,” jiwoo starts, her voice’s pitch increasing.

“i mean, we go to the same dance studio, that’s it.”

“oh!” rei perks up, “do you think you could give us his number then?”

you look between both of them. their eyes wide with anticipation of your answer. their smiles were almost too wide and friendly for your liking.

“i don’t have it.”

“what?” jiwoo raises her eyebrow.

“i don’t have it. i’m not friends with him, i just told you that.”

“oh.” rei acknowledges your answer, looking up at jiwoo with an unreadable expression. you can tell she’s pissed thought.

“okay, well.” jiwoo’s once excited voice now dull and dry. “see you around, i guess.”

rei and jiwoo link elbows, turning away from you and heading back down the hall, not bothering to hear a response from you, even if you had one.

you scoff as you watch them disappear into the cafeteria, probably to go try to talk to riki.

nishimura riki has been at your school for only one week and he’s already taking over everyone’s mind. except for yours.

you hated science class. you’ve always found it boring and dreaded going. now that nishimura riki was in your science class, you contemplated faking sick for every class until the end of the semester.

you could barely sit still in your seat during a normal science class, but now with riki talking to everyone in the class around you, his voice constantly being heard, you wanted to run out of there.

thankfully, mr. barr interrupted their conversation to start class—a disruption you used to dread, but now, you'd rather listen to him talk about mitosis than hear about whatever riki did at some party last weekend.

“our class is going to be participating in the school’s science fair this year,” mr barr informed the class. which responded with a mix of groans and cheers. “i’m going to put you into pairs and you must come up with an experiment for the science fair.” the class wasn’t as thrilled as mr barr had anticipated. “there will be prizes, so try your best, please.” there was a little more chatter at the mention of a potential prize.

mr barr started to read off a list of pairings he had created for students to work in for the science fair. one by one, every student was put into a pair.

“y/n y/ln,” you perked up at your name finally being called, “you’ll be working with nishimura riki.”

your body tenses as you and riki turn to face each other, both reflecting an expression of shock on your face before returning to look at mr barr.

“no, i can’t! not with him!” you groan out, your hands covering your face.

“i can’t work with her, mr barr!” riki exclaimed, “she doesn’t know science.”

“hey!” you scowl at him, “i’m good at science!”

riki scoffs, falling back into his seat, his body limp.

mr barr looks between you two, “i expect you two to work really well together.” his voice tight and dry as he goes back to reading off his list.

“you look like you’re about to cry,” you can hear the grin in riki’s voice as he speaks.

“i am!”

riki laughs at your displeasure, only fueling the anger you hold towards him. you don’t know how you’re supposed to work on this project with him. you can’t even hear one word come out of his mouth that doesn’t make you want to shove a sock in his mouth.

you guess you’ll just have to suck it up. like, how bad could working with nishimura riki really be?

you never thought that nishimura riki would be in your house.

but sure enough, here he is sitting across from you at your dining table. paper, markers and your textbooks sprawled out in front of you as you try to come up with an idea for your science fair project.

“that’s dumb.” riki tells you, sitting back on his chair, his arms crossed.

you sigh in exhaustion. every idea you come up with for your science fair project he either calls dumb or too basic. you’ve been going back and forth with idea for an hour now and there’s nothing you can 100% agree on.

“fine!” you toss your hands up in the air, desperate to just start this project, “what do you think is the best idea to do, then?”

riki ponders a moment and flips a page in his textbook. “i think the idea about testing people’s colour perception is good.”

your jaw drops, “i said that idea an hour ago!”

he shrugs, “yeah, but i wanted to see what else you could come up with.”

your mouth forms a tight line as you glare at the boy across the table from you. you remind yourself that your parents are in the room next door and had repeatedly told you to be nice to riki. somehow, over the years, riki has brainwashed your parents into thinking he’s nice. they, like everyone else, seem to not understand how you could have such an issue with the nishimura riki.

you and riki start to devise parts of the project both of you can do. although you don’t really like the idea for the project, riki likes it and you don’t want to have to argue about project topics for another hour.

you’re focused on colour matching the squares you’re going to use for you project whilst riki leans his face on his hand. his elbow perched on the table top as he watches you. your heart picks up its pace when you realize his gaze is locked onto you. but you attribute it to your annoyance of him doing nothing for this project.

“what’s wrong with you?” riki asks, his tone serious, non-judgmental.

“nothing.”

riki scoffs, “you’re biting on your bottom lip, i know something’s wrong with you.”

you freeze with the two squares of different shades of green in your hand. your eyes slowly look to him, your teeth unlocking your bottom lip from their hold. “how do you even know that?”

riki shrugs, “i know a lot of things about you.”

you try to remain unfazed by his words, switching one of the shades of green for another one. he only continues with your silence, “you’re not as mysterious as you think you are, y/n.”

you quirk an eyebrow at him, glancing at him briefly from the corner of your eye, trying to focus on your project. but you know the project means nothing to you now as you listen without looking at him.

“wow, riki— you must really have nothing other to do than watch me all day.”

his lips form a humorous grin, “yeah well, someone has to figure out what the hell’s wrong with you?”

you glare at him over the sage green paper, “yeah? and what’s wrong with me?”

you don’t like the way riki’s face is so serious when his eyes meet yours. it’s intimidating and you’ve never seen him look at you like this before.

“you push people away because you’re scared they’ll see how much you really doubt yourself— how you really don’t have everything together.”

you scoff, “i don’t do tha—”

“and i know that you don’t hate me as much as you act like it. everything is like an act to you.”

your dining room goes silent as you and riki look at each other. both of you are expressionless as riki’s words hang in the air between you. he’s waiting for your response that you’re too afraid to give.

you feel exposed in front of him at your own dining room table.

“you’re crazy!” you laugh at him, “we’ve always hated each other, riki. what are you talking about?”

riki’s face drops at your answer, it obviously wasn’t the response he wanted from you.

“i’ve never hated you, y/n.”

a cold wind runs over your skin, like a window suddenly bursts open right next to you. you look at him, trying to analyze any sign of deceit or humour in his face like usual. but all you can find is seriousness. you’ve never seen this side of riki before. you don’t know how to respond to him. it’s like he has you cornered mentally.

“whatever, riki.” your voice comes out weaker than you would’ve liked. like a whisper.

riki’s lips quirk into a slight smile, “push me away all you want— act like you don’t care if i hate you or not— but i’m telling you: i’ve never hated you, y/n.”

his statement sends you mentally spiraling. your chest starts to tighten as you think back to the past eight years you’ve known nishimura riki. all of it seems so childish and distant in just a mere second. like all of your anger and resentment you’ve blamed on riki, has really been from something else. but, you refuse to admit that. because then all these years of purposefully annoying and sabotaging him would have just been stupid distractions from the real problem that lays deep inside of you.

“i don’t care if you hate me, riki.”

your denial just makes riki smile more, “you’re so blinded by your own act.” he shakes his head as he speaks, similar to disappointment, “you’re the only one pretending, y/n.”

riki’s words hit you more than you would admit. but your face stays stagnant, like they mean nothing to you. like they weren’t making you question everything you’ve ever felt in the past years. like you weren’t just defending yourself from being vulnerable in front of him after all these years. like you were keeping up this fake persona to protect yourself from everyone, including riki.

your lips contort into a smirk, “you don’t know shit about me, riki.” unlike you, riki can’t mask his feelings with his expressions as much as you can, surprise etching on his face with your response. “pick the shades of red you want to use for this goddamn project and then get out.”

you pick up a pair of scissors, starting to cut out the sage green you finalized your decision on, ignoring the bewilderment on his face as he watches you.

when you’re about to snap at him to get to work, he’s picking up the cherry and ruby red squares, deciding which one he thinks would be best.

something shifts heavily and frightening between both of you as you cut out the squares together, in silence. both of you having thoughts of the other.

you think that maybe, for once, nishimura riki is right. but you’re not ready to face that whilst he faces you.

so, you keep cutting, as the truth slowly sets in.

nishimura riki was full of shit.

your last conversation with him kept replaying over and over in your head. you’ve gone through every possibility of what his alternative motive was. this was the same boy who has pulled your hair one hundred times when your dance instructor wasn’t looking. the same boy who tied your ballet slippers together when you weren’t looking.

and now he expects you to think it was all just you? that you were imagining this hate-ship between you? yeah, right.

today, riki seems to be back to his normal self. he’s purposefully annoying you as you try to practice for the group’s recital in the practice room. you’ve been here for hours. everyone besides you and riki have gone home. the mirror is slightly foggy from yours and his panting and sweat.

you can tell that riki just wanted to break you down, act like he knows you, oh so well, just for it to end with you being a part of some master prank of his. like you usually are. but, you won’t fall victim tohis plans this time.

“if you don’t stop looking at the floor when you turn, i swear to god, i’m gonna fuckin’ lose it.” riki’s voice is frustrated from behind you. it only increases your own frustration at yourself.

“well, stop fucking watching me then!” you snap at him. you hear him scoff behind you and you watch as he turns to walk back to his bag.

you get back into fifth position, preparing to attempt a double pirouette en dehors, like you’ve been trying for the past three hours.

just as you push off the floor, starting to go into the turn, you spin and notice riki pulling off his white shirt, his pale back visible to your eyes suddenly. you manage to catch every single muscle in his back.

you land on the floor suddenly disoriented from keeping your head locked in one position while your body attempts to spin without it.

the sound your body makes as it hits the floor has riki turning, his eyes wide as he sees you on the ground. he rushes his way over ot you. his hands racing out to you to grab underneath your arms to help you stand up again. “jesus, are you okay?”

“yeah, yeah.” you nod, your head dizzy as you stand up on both feet. you feel his hands on your skin, making you step away from him quickly, “i’m fine.” your voice stern as you try to not focus on the way your skin burns from where he touched you.

riki only has a soft smirk on his face, “you’re suppose to spot your head, not stare at me like you’re in love”

your jaw drops in shock ast his words, not able to say much except for sputtering out nonsense as the hot dance practice room fills with his laughter.

“i would never look at you like that, riki!”

“right, right. because you like, totally don’t look at me like that during my solos.”

“i do not!” anger boiling up inside of you at the accusation. but you can’t help but wonder what you do look like when you’ve watched his solo’s before. you can’t lie and say that riki is a bad dancer. you and him are always at the same rank anyways so, you can’t really say he’s bad. but would you say you’re in love with him as you watch him on stage? hell no.

“relax, elax,” riki’s voice settles down from his laughter as he comes close to you again, still shirtless. you cans ee every sweat droplet on his skin as he gets closer. the line between his abdomen that separates every single ab muscle. his hands reach out for you again, making you take a step back. he stops, his face serious as he looks at you, “just trust me for one second.”

you sigh, relaxing as you stand straight up, hands at your sides as riki approaches you, his hands landing on your arms as he spins you around to face the mirror in front of you both. your back is against his bare chest. you can smell his familiar cologne far too easily for your liking. his height truly towers over you.you’ve only noticed your height difference now. you barely make it to his chin, having to turn your head up completely if you were to turn around and look at his face.

you stare at his face behind you in the reflection. his eyes locked onto yours.

“keep your shoulders down,” his voice is low as he speaks into your ear, not breaking eye contact with you. his hands press down onto your shoulders, relaxing them. “keep your back straight,” you gasp when you feel one of his fingers, ever so slightly, trail down your back from your neck to your midriff. you ignore the way his lips smirk at your response.

“don’t forget to tighten your core,” he continues guiding you, now placing his hand on your front, lower abdomen. his hand ignites a fire where he places it. you wonder if he can feel the heat radiating off of it. “and keep looking at my face in the reflection when you turn, use it as a focus spot.”

you nod as you let out a deep breath that your lungs had been begging for. without thinking much more about the fire riki was creating inside of your body, you push off the floor from fifth position. you keep your sight locked onto riki’s face in the reflection, just like he had said to. you manage to do a single, and then a double pirouette en dehors without thinking much more of it. you land back in fifth position, unable to hide the large smile spread across your face.

riki is still behind you, your eyes still locked onto his reflection. you can feel his body’s warmth still behind you. his own smile on his face. your chest’s heavy breathing starts to simmer as does your smile. the tension between how close you and riki were standing was starting to take its toll on you as the fire in your body wouldn’t extinguish.

you gulp as you turn your head to the left, eyes glancing up to meet riki’s as he turns his own head to face you as he still stands behind you. your faces are mere inches apart now. your eyes drift from his eyes to his plump lips.

“have you thought about what i said?” riki’s voice whispers out to you, almost like he’s scared that anyone else would hear. that if he spoke too loud you’d run away.

“yeah.”

“and?”

“you’re full of shit.”

you push off of him, his grasp on your arms forced off of you as you walk away from him.

“what?”

you don’t look at him as you start to pick up your bag, tossing it over your shoulder. you lock your sight on the doors of the practice room, wanting to run out of there as fast as you can. wanting to get away from riki before you give into something you didn’t know you could even feel for him. you want the fire to be watered down before it completely takes over.

without another word, you leave the dance studio, deciding to walk home so the late night’s cold air can help cool down your body and clear your mind. wanting everything nishimura-riki-related to be completely smothered.

you didn’t speak to nishimura riki until a week later when he showed up at your house to finish your science fair project. you hoped that this would be the last time he would step foot in your house.

you both settled into your, now usual, spots at the dining room table, sitting across from each other. your parents had left for a few hours tonight, wanting to go out for dinner together. they probably wouldn’t be back until later, which gave you lots of time to finish this dreadful project with riki.

working efficiently with riki only lasted ten minutes before he started to annoy you. he obviously wasn’t in the mood to work on this project. he was swaying back and forth on his chair, his knees shaking off the floor. he kept sighing heavily, wanting to distract you from working on the project.

riki officially got to you when he started to use your pen as a drum stick against the dining room table.

“would you stop that?” you snap at him, trying to finish glueing the different hues of purple and pink squares to the cardboard.

riki tsks, tossing the pen to the side, clearly not impressed by your lack of interest in doing anything else but this project. but honestly, you had trouble even looking at him since what had happened at the dance studio last week.

the memory of how close his warm, sweaty body was to yours made your mind drift further and further away from sleep every single night. the way his voice dropped octaves as he instructed you what to do. his hands roamed your body, teasing you and testing you to see how much you’d take of his touch.

the harsh smell of glue brings you back to reality, where riki sits right in front of you.

“you’re not doing that right,” riki speaks, nodding to your placement of the purple squares.

you look down at your work, “yeah i am.” you argue back, ignoring him as you continue to place them down with glue.

“fine, but i would’ve done it a better way.”

you sigh, sitting back in your seat, your fingers covered in glue as you glare at him from across your own dining room table. “why do you always have to act like you’re better than me?”

riki doesn’t look phased by your outburst, just sits back on the chair, similar to your own position. “i don’t think i’m better than you. it’s just, like easier to piss you off when i act like it.”

“you’re so annoying.”

“yeah, but i like being annoying.”

your face scrunches in confusion, “why would you like being annoying?”

you go back to focusing on your project, at least one of you should try to care about it since you have to present it to the science fair next week. riki doesn’t answer your question. but you hear him quietly stand up, walking around the dining room table. your heart picks up its pace but you try to ignore him and your heart. at least he’s being quiet.

suddenly, you feel and physically see his presence hover right next to you. his tall figure casts a shadow over you as he stands in front of the light. you gulp and look up at him, not knowing what to expect from him now.

“because it’s the only way you’ll pay attention to me— the only way you’ll talk to me.”

his voice is dead serious as he looks down at you. there’s barely any room between you two as you look at each other. trying to decipher each other’s intent and expression.

“what are you talking about?” you ask him, forcing yourself to keep your voice steady as you ask him.

riki leans down, putting one of his hands on the table right beside your own, his face only mere inches away from yours now. you’re basically forced to look nowhere but at him. your eyes locked onto his face.

“c’mon y/n,” his voice is desperate, begging and desperate for something that you and him both know you can give him.

“i don’t know what you want, riki.” your lies are getting easier and easier to see through, even for yourself.

riki groans with pure frustration, rolling his eyes. before you can argue more with him, he leans over, through the last few inches between your faces, and presses his lips onto yours.

it takes you by surprise at first. your eyes staying open as you watch his own close, focused completely on kissing you. but then you give in.

you give in to what you’ve been subconsciously pushing away for years. the desire to kiss riki. to be seen and touched by him. your lips start to move against his in a hungry, hurry. it’s no longer a soft kiss like he had initiated. both of your bodies are succumbing to what you’ve both been deprived of for years.

you pull away from him, both of your chests heaving as you stare at each other. your pupils are blown wide with need and something else. you’re sure your cheeks are flushed just as much as his are.

you swallow harshly, grabbing onto his wrist as you stand up, “come.”

riki doesn’t pull his wrist away as you lead him upstairs, into your bedroom, to where both of you had thought about countless times but never had the words to initiate.

you stand next to nishimura riki in front of your colour perception project for the science fair. the rest of the gym is full of your classmates and their projects. you can see through the crowd that the judges are getting closer and closer to your project and now your hands are sweating even more.

you were already sweating profusely at the fact you had to stand next to riki and pretend like nothing had happened with each other the last time he was at your house. like your parents hadn’t come home early and caused you both to stumble down the stairs, acting like nothing had happened except for the progression of your project.

you and riki hadn’t spoken since you had basically pushed him out of your house after he greeted your parents, trying not to act as awkward as you were in front of them. thankfully, your parents love riki, so not much thought went through their heads about how weird you guys were acting.

but now, at the science fair, you were still acting weird around him. you tried to think about what the kiss had meant to him and to you. you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that and you and riki had kissed, and it’s been days since it’s happened.

you glance down the makeshift hallway in the gymnasium, seeing that judges were coming to your project next. you wipe your hands on your jeans, your chest picking up pace as you start to breathe heavily.

“calm down,” riki grunts through his teeth beside you, trying to keep his smile plastered on his face as the judges approach.

“i’m trying, just don’t mess this up.”

you hear him scoff, “please, tell yourself that.”

you manage to give him one more eye roll before the judges come over.

thankfully, riki isn’t as nervous about presenting and as awkward to be around you as you are. he shows the judges how your colour perception project works. they pick up the glass filters you created, holding it over their eyes as they examine the designs you and riki made with all those different coloured squares you had spent a month creating and arranging.

the judges and mr barr seemed impressed by your project, mumbling something about creativity that you couldn’t properly hear because riki had accidentally touched his hand against yours as you handed the judges the glass filters.

as soon as the judges move onto the next booth, you’re leaving riki and your project behind as you beeline it straight to the bathroom. once inside you lean over the sink, trying to calm your breathing and the feeling of panic growing in your stomach.

your knuckles go white as you grip the sink, trying to steady yourself. but it’s hard to do that when all you can think about is stupid nishimura riki. the way he knows you more than you know yourself. how he’s been there for every milestone of your life whether you realized it at the time or not.

“no,” you mutter to your own reflection, “this isn’t happening,” a dry chuckle escapes your lips, “i– i don’t like him. i can’t like him.” but you know your words are the complete opposite of what you truly feel.

your words hold no true credibility when the mere thought of riki sends you mentally spiraling. when his fleeting touch makes your skin feel like it’s on fire. the way his eyes scan you, even briefly, make you feel exposed, like he knows every single thing about you with just one glance.

everything feels suffocating.

but you know you can’t avoid this forever. that you probably like him more than he likes you. that you can’t keep pushing your feelings down and riki away just to protect yourself. you sigh, how will you face nishimura riki now?

when you head back to the gym, riki is standing in front of the bulletin board where all the scores are posted for the science fair. you stand beside him, not looking at him.

you can tell from the corner of your eye that he's watching you. he opens his mouth to ask if you're okay, but you're quick to wave your hand dismissively, signaling for him to drop it.

he takes your lack of yelling at him to “shut up” seriously.

riki turns his head back to the bulletin board in front of you, his finger pointing to it, “we got second.”

“what?” your eyes widen, searching for your name on the board. and sure enough, your name is next to nishimura riki’s in the second place spot. “oh my god!” you can’t hide the excitement in your voice. “congrats!” you tell riki, honestly.

riki softly smiles in response, “congrats.”

you shrug, “second isn’t bad considering we wanted to kill each other a month ago.”

“speak for yourself, i never wanted to kill you, y/n.”

you roll your eyes, “yeah? then what did you want then?”

riki turns to face you, both of your bodies facing each other directly.

“for you to finally admit that you like me.”

you try to fight the panic feeling growing in the pit of your stomach again, keeping the smirk on your face as you cross your arms over your chest, “you kissed me first, remember?”

riki’s own smirk grows on his face then, “yeah, but i also remember you taking me up to your bedroom after so what does that mean?”

your face flushes with heat as he recalls what happened between you. but you know that he’s right. “fine.” you sigh, preparing yourself, “i like you. happy?”

riki doesn’t let a second pass before he’s pulling you into him, your body hitting his harshly but your lips are forced onto his. this time, you aren't hesitant to kiss him back. both of you smiling into the kiss in the middle of your school’s gym.

riki pulls away first, “i’m ecstatic.” his hand drops to your hand, intertwining your fingers together with his. “now let’s get out of here before people start asking us if we’re dating.”

“what?” you glance around the gym, everyone’s eyes are locked directly onto where you and riki are. before you can look any longer, riki is running, with your hand in his, out of the gym. he’s pushing through the crowd of students and teachers to get to the doors.

you hear his laughter in front of you as he mumbles “sorry”s to the people he’s pushing. you can’t help but laugh with him as you let nishimura riki, your boyfriend, lead you out of the science fair.

@ taeghi, 2024. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :) taglist : @awqken @irishrueparker @kidult0325

@ttulixia @ninissus

@naevis-hung-up @pinkglitterpuke

@choopie829

#enhypen #angst #niki x reader #enhypen niki #enhypen x reader #enha #fluff #nishimura riki #riki x reader #enhypen riki #enhypen niki x reader #fanfic #kpop

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imaginarianisms · 8 months ago

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🖤 for misa about light ??

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends (eventually, over time) / my only friend. (eventually, over time)

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING || @prodigum.

#answered.#dynamic; misa & light.#brb kms #italics mean sometimes !! the present is all answered in the context for the on the run / survival au !!#anyway she ............. loves that man. SO MUCH #despite everything #like. especially after That she feels shell never be pretty enough tall enough kind enough compassionate enough smart enough or sexy enough #even though logically she KNOWS she's the shit #like she already struggles to forge genuinely meaningful connections w/ people especially w/ bpd #i genuinely think even if she's the second kira she'd try to use her vast fame & platform for humanitarian causes #& i think she'd try to influence light to do the same w/ her in the hopes of creating that new world light always wanted #im personally of the belief that despite how oof the beginning of their relationship was that there WAS some tenderness there #bc like im sorry u dont go through SIX YEARS of being w/ sb & not have any affection for sb thats just not how it works lmao #& we talked about them a fuckton in dms already on how eventually in this au they slowly start to get closer after losing everything #& its rly sweet & like really fucking sad at the same time. bc like. it took That Long for him to finally recognize her worth & how she's.#really the only one who truly genuinely unconditionally loved him & he's like. astonished by that. & it took him literally almost dying #& especially after That reveal like they get a lot closer #but the fact that she literally dies not longer after him literally on the exact same day as him tells you everything you need to know #she loved that man SO MUCH. they're each other's red thread of fate but where it digs into the hands like red barbed wire & bleeds.#anyway they make me so fucking feral #prodigum

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snekdood · 1 year ago

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ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever #and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it #aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit-#are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash #and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know!#so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust-#they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people.#you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not #plenty on the left too.#at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights?#and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will #if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this.#i just think the term is useless now.#i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point #anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people.#its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should #also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident #or at the very least a culty friendgroup

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yanderedrabbles · 15 days ago

Text

Yandere Wild West Gang - Noncon

Your life is all planned out for you. Marriage. Children. Settling down in your little town and growing old. But a gang of outlaws and their wicked desires change everything.

Tags: (6) yandere males x fem reader, noncon, loss of virginity, choking, spitroast (hell yeah), oral fixation, 12.3k words

I blame the ridiculously talented @fangdokja and The Red Ledger for inspiring this btw.

They came for you in the middle of the day.

Shameless. Better men would at least wait for nightfall, would at least try and hide their intentions behind the cloak of darkness. Not them though.

They kicked the door in when your family was just about ready to eat lunch, the food still steaming and your ma still in her apron.

You didn't even have time to scream.

One outlaw smashed his rifle butt into your pa's temple and the old man was out like a light, still clutching the knife he'd grabbed to defend you. Two others grabbed your mother and shoved her into the pantry, blocked the door with a tipped over cupboard.

You ran. Or tried to at least. They were crowded into your kitchen, laughing as you turned from one to the other.

"No way out, beauty."

"Too late to run now, darlin'. Shoulda started before we even got here if you wanted to get away."

"Look at her all scared. Ain't it just adorable?"

With near identical duster coats and bandanas tied across their faces, you couldn't tell them apart.

They were closing in on you, a little at a time. You tried to fight, to pull away when one of them grabbed you. But they were dust bitten outlaws and you were just a rancher's daughter. It wasn't even a struggle.

The tallest one slammed you down on the kitchen table, his fingers digging into your shoulders and his belt buckle grinding against your ass.

Your mama's good milk jug tumbled off and shattered on the floor. That was what you focused on as they tied your hands behind your back and gagged you. The shards of blue and white ceramic in the puddle of milk.

Not their hands running over your hips, not their laughter. Just the milk and your ma's favourite jug all in pieces.

You could still hear your mother screaming for you when they pulled you outside. That was what hurt the most about that entire awful day. Your mama, pleading and begging and panicking and unable to save you.

Their horses were waiting, another outlaw standing guard with his rifle out.

"Boss, let her ride with me."

"With you? Ain't no way in hell my girl is riding with you."

"Your girl? She ain't yours. Boss, tell 'em she ain't his."

"Runnin' to the boss again? Yellow belly."

It was the tall one who settled the argument. His voice wasn't as rough as the others, but that didn't put you at ease in the slightest.

"She's riding with me."

He still had one hand curled around your upper arm and he pulled you towards his mustang. You dug your heels in as hard as you could, pulled back with all your weight. It just made him sigh.

"Ain't even started yet, and she's already being difficult?"

The outlaw that spoke was already on his stallion. All you could see of his face above the bandana was a pair of blue eyes, lined at the corners. The boss maybe?

"Just some...growing pains. She'll settle down soon enough."

The tall one leaned down and hoisted you over his shoulder. You squirmed and tried to kick your way free, but he kept one arm tight around your knees.

You thought all your panicking would frighten the horses, but no such luck. He tossed you across his saddle and climbed up behind you. The saddle horn dug into your belly until he pulled you into a proper seat, one arm curling around your waist. You could feel his chest against your back, every inch of it firm, hard earned muscle.

He dropped his head and spoke directly into your ear.

"No trying to jump off the horse. No trying to run away. I'm in charge of you until we get back and I won't have you hurt on my watch."

Your only response was to try and smash your head back into his nose. He straightened up just in time and all you managed to do was hurt your own neck.

He sighed again, and spurred his horse forward.

"Well, I suppose it this was easy, it wouldn't be nearly as fun."

The outlaws formed a loose ring around you as you rode. You tried to twist and look back, but your captor was holding you too tight. You didn't even get to see your home shrink into the horizon. Didn't even get that one small goodbye.

They rode for at least two hours, the sun climbing down from its zenith as they took you across rivers and down secret little paths. You knew your ranch and the area around it like the back of your hand, but even you were well and truly lost when you finally arrived.

It was a ranch, but there weren't any cows in the fields or corn growing in neat rows. The house was a big, whitewashed thing. Pretty once, but fallen into disrepair. Just a hideout. Not a place they stayed at for more than a few months.

The blue eyed one pulled you off the horse without breaking a sweat.

You could feel their eyes on you again. God, how many were there? Five? Six?

"You goin' first boss?"

The man looked down at you. He had a hand around your upper arm, but his grip was more firm than rough.

"I reckon I should. Can't trust you lot to be gentle or slow enough."

That made some of them jeer and complain.

"I'll be real sweet, boss. I promise!"

"We can be nice too. Really."

The man snorted. "Nice? I ain't never seen you dogs be nice 'bout nothing. I'll break our filly in. You lot just be patient and don't bother us none."

What were they talking about? You didn't have time to puzzle it out before the boss started pulling you toward the house. Seeing that building looming closer made you start fighting all over again, biting down on your gag and pulling back as much as you could. Like a mustang digging it's feet in.

It didn't last long. The boss leveled a look at you, met your eyes straight on.

"You really gonna be difficult with me, girl?"

Oh, what frightening eyes he had. Bright and clever, a blue so striking you could feel it right through your soul. A mountain lion would have eyes softer than his.

You stopped resisting him. Let him pull you along besides him. What else could you do? He had a gun on his back and a knife in his boot and years of experience wrangling stubborn animals. And you were just a girl out of her depth and far from home.

You didn't see it, but the outlaws looked at each other, impressed. Only the boss could tame a filly with a single look.

The house was much cooler than outside, but the boss didn't give you any time to examine it. Just guided you up the stairs and into a large bedroom. White curtains stirred in the breeze, the bedding neat and clean.

He locked the door behind you. A quiet click that made your heart race.

You jumped when his hands came to rest on your shoulders. You could hear the other outlaws outside, the clink of harnesses and buckles as they let the horses out to pasture.

His hands moved from your shoulders to your upper arms, squeezed.

"Do you know why we took you?"

You shook your head. Ransom, maybe? But your pa was just a run of the mill rancher. Surely there were better targets for quick cash than you.

The outlaw laughed quietly, just a soft breath of amusement.

"Not the faintest clue, huh?"

He let go of you and you heard the soft rustle of material as he shrugged out of his duster.

He turned you around and you finally got to see his face. He'd taken off his Stetson and bandana too, and the man looking back at you was a hardened outlaw in every way. He was a lot older than you, with thick blonde hair going to grey at the edges. Handsome, with a strong jaw covered in light stubble. Grizzled, but muscular and lean for his age.

There was a small, amused smile on his lips.

He kept his hands on your arms and guided you backwards, until your back hit the wall.

"You wanna take a guess? Why'd we ride all the way out to town to steal you?"

Whatever you said was muffled by your gag. He clicked his tongue.

"You're gonna have to use your worlds, darlin'."

He ran his thumb across your cheek, across the gag. "Or maybe not. I like you just like this too."

He was close. Closer than any man had ever been. It was terrifying. Tears spilled down your cheeks, running across your gag and soaking in.

He sighed, caught one on his thumb.

"None of that now girl. I ain't gonna be rough with you. And in time, I reckon you'll come to like it."

Your dress was buttoned at the front, all the way to your neck. He grabbed both sides of your collar and ripped.

You tried to jerk away from him, but he was too close and the only way out was blocked by the wall. Buttons scattered across the room with little plinks.

The only thing keeping your dress on was the fact that your hands were tied behind your back. But the outlaw didn't let that stop him for long.

He leaned down and pulled a knife from his boot.

"Don't squirm 'round and I won't cut you, alright?"

Sound advice, but not something you were about to listen to. You thrashed in his grip, twisting as much as you could. You didn't want that thing anywhere near you.

He grabbed your hair, and yanked your head backwards. You screamed into your gag, your whole scalp aching.

You might have continued fighting, but that's when you felt the cool metal of his knife at your throat. Not the sharp edge, but still enough of a reminder to keep you still.

"Good. Not so hard, is it?"

The knife moved away from your neck and to your sleeve. He slipped the blade between your skin and the fabric and yanked upwards.

Your sleeve tore with an ugly ripping sound, all the way down to the wrist. You whined into your gag, but he ignored you and repeated it on the other side.

He was breathing heavier now, even though the work of keeping you still couldn't have been much of a challenge for a man as strong as him. He put the handle of his knife in his mouth and used both hands to pull your dress off you. It pooled at your ankles, ruined.

You still had your chemise, but the thin white fabric was almost as bad as being naked. Your nipples poked through and he narrowed in on them, one hand coming up to cup your breast. His teeth were biting into the handle of his knife, hard enough to leave indents in the wood. Like a man struggling to control himself. He breathed out slowly, just feeling the weight of your tits in his palms.

You were crying so hard you almost couldn't see his face. A mixture of pity and want.

He kneeled down to put his knife away and stayed on his knees, hands coming to your hips. He looked up at you, blue eyes bright with something you didn't yet know how to recognise. Lust. Want.

His thumbs stroked circles into your skin, your chemise the only barrier between you and him.

"If I was a better man, I'd almost be sorry about this."

He grabbed your leg and hooked your thigh over his shoulder. You almost stumbled, forced to keep your back against the wall if you didn't want to loose your balance.

His fingers gathered your chemise from the hem up, pinning it at your waist with his palms. You were wearing stockings, simple white ones that reached your mid thigh, and plain lace garters.

All in all, it was a damn nice framing for your bare cunt.

God, he could practically feel his mouth watering.

He didn't give you any warning. Just slipped his tongue between your lips. Hot, wet, like nothing you'd ever felt. You tried to squirm away, practically tried to climb up the wall to get away from him. But he had you trapped, one massive palm on your hip and the other on your thigh.

He found your hole real easy. Slipped his tongue all the way in, the bridge of his nose grinding into your clit. You whined at him to stop it, to please just let you go, but with the gag, all he heard was a pretty little sound that made him keep going.

He sucked on your clit, his jawline standing out in sharp relief. His stubble scraped your thighs. So masculine, so unbearably, overwhelmingly manly.

With the way he held you still, you couldn't do anything except take it. Feel even inch of his tongue, feel his hot breath on your skin, feel his nails scraping your thigh. You wanted to hate it. You wanted to be disgusted by it.

But oh, it felt good.

Sometimes, when the neighbour's handsome son came over, you'd feel a little throbbing ache between your legs. This was exactly like that, cranked up to a thousand.

You whined again, and he must have been the Devil's own son, because he just doubled down. Swirled the flat of his tongue across your whole clit and then ran it down all the way to you ass.

You thighs were shaking, and the pit of your stomach felt tight with something your couldn't explain.

"That's my girl." He sounded pleased, smug. Practically cooing at you in his rough baritone. "Feels real good, don't it?"

If he didn't break soon, you felt like your whole body would. Something inside you was building, getting closer to the edge. And you were terrified of it. You breath was coming hard and fast.

Mercifully, he pulled away. Kissed the triangle of your pussy and then your inner thigh. You could feel his teeth against your skin when he smiled.

"Not yet. I ain't nearly close to done with you."

He stood and you weren't sure whether to be thankful or upset. You felt woozy, hot. Like heat stroke, or like getting drunk.

His mouth and chin glistened. He rubbed it dry on his palm, smirking all the while.

"I bet you feel real empty inside, huh sweetheart?"

You nodded your head, not sure where he was going with this. You did feel empty. There was a hot, throbbing itch in your stomach that you had no idea how to scratch.

"Aww, poor thing. I can take care of that for you."

His hands moved to his belt, blue eyes pinning you to the wall. When he smiled, there were lines around his eyes. They should have been comforting, a mark of someone who laughed often and laughed easy. They weren't.

You shook your head, pleading with your eyes. The tears were starting to come again, thick and fast. For a second or two, with his tongue deep in your core, you'd forgotten that he'd want something in exchange.

His eyes hardened, his smile not moving an inch.

"I will take care of it, girl. You can cry if you want, but we've come too far to stop now."

He grabbed your thigh and pulled your leg up, forced you back against the wall. Your whole cunt was wet and glistening with his spit.

Something hot and hard rubbed between your pussy lips. You shuddered, tried to move away. His other arm came around your waist and he pulled you against his chest. The smell of him was overwhelming - gunpowder and leather and whiskey. He smelled like a man. He smelled like your ruin.

Your forehead fell against his collarbone, and his chin came to rest on the crown of your head. The same way a father might hold his daughter after a nightmare.

But there was nothing fatherly about the cock nudging at your entrance.

"Shhh, you're okay. It ain't gonna hurt."

Liar. Terrible, heartless liar.

He pushed in and it felt like your whole body was splitting apart. It burned.

You sobbed into his chest, not entirely sure what was happening to you. This was the sort of thing that was only whispered about. The sort of thing that was kept vague for good, obedient girls until their wedding nights. The only thing you knew for a fact was that it hurt and you wanted it to stop.

He groaned, pressed a kiss against your hair.

"Sweet little thing, ain't ya? Gonna be good 'fer me? Gonna take it nice and deep?"

You couldn't answer. There was only the stretch of his cock inside you and the oppressive tightness of his arms.

He set a slow, drawn out pace. Cock pulling all the way out to the tip and then sliding right back in. You could feel every inch.

Not gentle, but not needlessly mean either. You were shivering in his arms, pussy fluttering like a heartbeat around him.

No one but him knew how fucking difficult it was to keep so slow. Tight, tiny little thing bleeding and crying all over him. Any red blooded man would want to rut into you like a stallion. See just how many tears he could wring out of you.

It was only experience and determination that held him back. If he was a younger man...

It was the right decision to have you first. Not even his second in command - that tall bastard with all the self control in the world - could have managed this.

He huffed out a laugh.

"You're little too young for me, doll. Reckon I could be your father."

He slid back inside you, grinding against your clit in a way that made you whimper.

"Shitty fucking father though. To be doing this to my little girl."

He let go of waist and cupped your jaw in his palm. Tilted your head back, his nose and lips skimming up your neck. You smelled so fucking good. Nothing in this world was as sweet as a needy, crying girl.

"You gonna call me daddy, little girl? Gonna beg me to be nice and let you go?"

You whimpered, a pathetic little sound through the gag. It only made him smile against your neck.

"Thaaat's it. Just take it. Let me break you in. Gonna be all stretched out and sweet when I'm done with you, yeah?"

He sucked at your neck, at the delicate spot where your shoulder started to slope away. A little immature maybe, to want to mark you up like an animal, but wasn't he being plenty mature already? Wasn't he being just saintly in his patience?

"Fuck, you're getting close, ain'tcha? Can feel you gettin' all tight."

He pulled back to look into your eyes, overflowing with tears and just so damn scared.

"You ain't got no idea what's 'bout to happen, do ya?"

He pulled almost all the way out, and then slammed back in, hard. Your tits jumped and your eyes fluttered shut.

"Just relax and let it happen. It's gonna feel reeaal good."

You tilted your head back and he followed you, lips right back at your throat.

He picked up the pace, trying not to be too rough and slowly failing. The closer he got to his own end, the less important kindness seemed. It wasn't long 'fore he was slamming into you so hard he could feel your tits bouncing. His breath was coming fast, each exhale almost a growl.

"Take it, just like that. C'mon doll, just let me fuck you. Just let me make you mine."

You bit down on your gag and came. Your whole body shook, your nails digging into your palms. You didn't now what he'd done to you, but you couldn't stop it. Your pussy was a clenching, sensitive mess. You felt light headed enough to faint. And the only sound and thought in your head was his voice, right in your ear and rough with barely held back want.

"That's my girl. My good fucking girl."

A good man might have slowed down then. Might have realised just how sensitive you were. He didn't. He kept pistoning his cock into you, fucked you through your orgasm.

You writhed on his dick, in pain and overwhelmed and more scared than you'd ever been. And all of it just served to make him harder, to bring him closer. Even he had to admit he was a bastard for enjoying it so much. He didn't deserve something so sweet. All he deserved in life was a short dance with a noose. But who gave a fuck about that? He'd taken you, he'd stolen you, and like any good thief, he was going to enjoy you.

You felt it when he came. His cock pulsed and twitched inside you, and something hot dripped down your thigh.

He pressed his forehead against yours, hands so tight on you that you felt bruised.

He came down slowly. Kept you plugged up with his cock while he softened. The only sound in the room was his harsh breathing. You couldn't even cry anymore. All you wanted was to close your eyes and sleep and make the pain disappear.

He pulled back and tilted your chin up.

"Look at me."

You opened your eyes, tears still caught in your lashes.

"There she is. Ain't so bad, is it?"

All you could do was sniffle and hope he was bored of you.

He let you down carefully. You weren't steady on your feet at all.

"I've had a lot of blood on my cock over the years, darlin', but I reckon yours is the finest."

He kissed you. You were still gagged, so it was less a kiss and more so his lips pressing against yours.

When he finally stepped away from you, you almost wanted him back. You sank down to your knees, too dizzy to stand.

"Poor thing. Too much to handle, doll?"

He ran his fingers through your hair.

"You did so good, princess. Now just stay so sweet, and the rest of this day will go a hell of a lot easier for you."

You were too out of it to figure out what he meant. You closed your eyes and heard his spurs jingling as he walked away. The door creaked open and then he was gone.

You might have tried to run for it, but you ached so bad that even the thought of it was painful. Your hands were still tied as tight as they were before.

You didn't notice the footsteps or the voices until they were right outside the door.

"So much for bein' nice. Boss left her a right mess."

"Better than you woulda done. Least she's still in one piece."

They came to stand in front of you, two men with their bandanas pulled down around their throats.

You recognised their voices. These two were the most quarrelsome of the bunch. They still had their gun belts on, both of them carrying revolvers. Gunslingers then. Every gang had them.

"Look at her already on her knees 'fer us."

"Why you cryin' pretty girl? Was the boss too mean with ya?"

You looked up slowly. Boots first - silver spurs, well worn leather. Then their belts. And finally, their faces.

One was dark skinned, a crescent scar on his cheek and his hair cropped short. He rubbed his jaw as he looked at you, a half smile showing pearly white teeth.

"Oh, would ya look at those eyes? A man could drown in 'em."

The other was tanned golden with the sun, his eyes a pale green. He was still wearing his Stetson, and his dark hair was long enough to brush his shoulders.

"Boss must be getting old. He left some of her clothes on."

That made the dark one laugh. "Nah, I reckon it's meant to be a treat just 'fer us. Like unwrapping a present on Christmas mornin'."

The green eyed one squated down in front on you and grabbed your jaw. His hands were rough from labour, and his callouses scraped your skin. Whatever he saw in your eyes made him smile, but it didn't have a lick of kindness in it.

"Look at that...Boss really did break you in, didn't he filly?"

He stood and pulled you up with him, hand still clutching your jaw.

"I reckon she's gonna be real sweet to us. Gonna be all nice and obedient."

The other one came to stand behind you, his fingertips brushing the nape of your neck as he moved your hair out of the way.

"That right, filly? You gonna be all sweet?"

The green eyed one nodded your head for you. His eyes had a certain cruelty to them that made you want to step away. He seemed the type to use spurs and whips both, and to use them often.

He let go of your jaw and focused on the rest of you. And oh, what a lovely sight you were. All tied up and crying, your tits just visible through your chemise. A little virgin about to loose the rest of your innocence to his teeth. A fucking vision, a fucking dream.

He pinched one of your nipples and rolled it between his fingers. Your thin chemise wasn't any protection at all.

"Sensitive, ain'tcha?"

You whined. Not sure whether to pull away or step closer.

The gunslinger behind you wasn't in the mood to be left out. As his partner tugged and played with your nipples, his hands came to rest on your waist. And what huge hands they were. You could feel the heat of him even through your clothes.

He dropped his head to the nape of your neck and inhaled, his nose buried in your hair.

When he spoke, his voice was a low rumble.

"What do you want?"

The green eyed one looked you up and down, weighing his options. Finally, he smiled.

"I'll take her mouth."

Your whole body went cold. He couldn't mean...

"Hmm. That's fine with me." His hands dropped from your waist to your ass, squeezing. "I want to have her from the back anyway."

They must have been in perfect sync with each other. The one in front of you stood aside and the one behind you pushed you towards the bed. You stumbled, landed on the duvet chin first, your teeth slamming together despite the gag.

You didn't have time to push yourself up before they were tearing your chemise off. The thin straps ripped and your last bit of modesty floated to the floor in a tattered white heap. You were left in just your stockings.

The dark one pulled you up by your hips, one hand grabbing the rope around your wrists to keep you steady.

Smack.

Your whole body jerked forward, your ass cheek stinging.

One of them laughed, mocking. "Bet that'll leave a mark."

The dark one ran his palm over the welt, smiling though you couldn't see it.

"We promised the boss we would be nice, remember?"

The green eyed one circled the bed. You could feel his eyes on you, drinking in your naked skin, your stockings, the tears soaking your gag.

His hands were on his belt. Not undoing it yet, just watching you.

"Y'know, I give that tall bastard a lot of shit, but even I gotta say he was right this time. She's a real cute thing."

The man behind you was still stroking your ass, squeezing and watching your flesh give under his fingers. So soft, so fucking pliable.

He hummed quietly, more concerned with you than with his partner. He slipped his thumb down between your cheeks, catching on your asshole for a second. That sent a jolt of panic through you. They wouldn't...

He must have felt you moving, because he sighed and let his fingers continue downwards. Smearing cum and blood across your pussy lips.

"Not today," he said, soft enough for just you to hear. "Boss wouldn't like that."

That wasn't reassuring to hear. It meant that he still wanted it. Wanted to fuck your virgin ass without any care for the pain, for the hurt. The thing stopping him wasn't empathy, but obedience.

He rubbed tight, harsh circles into your clit. You were still sensitive and you pleaded into your gag, asking him to be just a bit more gentle. Either he couldn't understand you or didn't bother to even hear you, because he carried on, fingerpads rough as sandpaper.

The green eyed one noticed though. He seemed to notice just about everything.

"Want me to take that gag off sweetheart?"

You nodded your head frantically. The sides of your lips felt raw and you couldn't stand the taste of it.

He kneeled with one leg on the bed and undid the material. When he pulled it away, thin lines of spit followed.

You sucked in a lungful of air, coughing. He gathered your hair out of your face, held it all in a loose fist at the back of your head.

"All better?"

Maybe you were wrong about him. Maybe he wasn't so bad.

"...yes." You swallowed, your voice still hoarse. "Thank you."

He tilted his head, smirking.

"So polite. Boss really did a number on ya, huh? Or are ya just a well bred little lady?"

You didn't get a chance to answer, because the other gunslinger ground his palm against your cunt. You yelped and jerked forward on instinct.

The green eyed one tightened his hold on your hair.

"None of that. You can take it."

"I can't! It hurts."

His free hand tugged at his belt, pulling it free of the belt loops. You blanched. What the hell did he need that for?

"Ain't even been a minute and you're already whining? C'mon pretty, there's better things to do with your mouth than that."

He let go of your hair long enough to loop the belt around your neck, the leather wrapped around his fist. He tugged and it tightened, metal buckle pressing icy cold against your skin.

He pulled upwards, forced you to look at him. His cat eyes were mean, amused at seeing you leashed.

"You even think 'bout usin' your teeth and I'll pull this so tight you won't even be able to think 'bout breathing. Got it?"

What was he talking about? Your teeth?

Your answer came soon enough. With his belt off, it was real easy for him to take his cock out. He sighed, relieved to have it free.

The only thing keeping you in place was the belt around your neck. Even still, you pulled backwards until you couldn't go any further.

It was huge.

Thick, with veins running all the way to the tip. That was supposed to fit inside of you? You'd never seen a man's cock before. Even when the boss fucked you, you'd only felt it. No fucking wonder it hurt so bad, if they were all this size.

It was horrifying, and still you couldn't look away.

"Ain't it a sight?"

He grabbed it with his free hand and yanked your head down with the belt, until the tip brushed your lips.

"Come have a closer look."

Maybe if your hands were free, you'd be able to pull away. But as it was, you were staying balanced only because of his grip on the belt and his partner's grip on your arms.

He rubbed the tip across your lips, leaving behind a sticky coating of precum.

"Don't be shy," he purred, "Give it a little kiss."

The belt tightened until you listened. You pecked the side of it, where it wasn't so gross and sticky.

"Atta girl. Now open wide."

You desperately didn't want to. He tasted of salt, and his cock was so hard that you couldn't even imagine how it would fit.

You didn't want to, but what choice did you have?

You opened your mouth and he pushed himself past your lips with a groan. The tip scraped against your tongue, soft as velvet and tasting like the sea.

He let go of his dick and tangled his hand in your hair, pushing your head lower. Until the tip brushed the back of your throat. You gagged, shivering all around him.

"God, your mouth is fucking heaven sent."

He pulled out slowly, until it was just the tip sitting in your mouth.

"Are you gonna join me or what?"

The other gunslinger snorted.

"Fucking impatient. You gotta treat a lady gentle on her first time."

You heard the rustle of clothing behind you, and the hand that was playing with your cunt came to rest on your hip, fingers digging into the flesh for a good grip.

Your cunt felt cold without his touch, but his fingers were quickly replaced with his cock. The head nudged at your entrance, hot enough that you could practically feel it radiating. The leaking pre mixed with the sticky come already on your lips, thin strands of white pulling and breaking as he settled himself against you.

You wanted to say something, anything, to make them stop, but the gunslinger still had his dick in your mouth.

"Hmmm. Nice and warm and I ain't even pushed inside yet."

"Ain't she? Like she was made for us."

His hand slid from your hair to you jaw, thumb tracing your cheek. He could see the bulge of his cock against your cheek - it made you look a little chipmunk getting all cozy and ready for winter. Your tears were caught on your lashes, silver dew drops like you just took a swim.

"You heard me, baby? You're made for us. Made to fuck us and keep us happy. Our little lady."

They both pushed into you at the same time.

Thick cock bullying into you, trapping you between them with nowhere to go. You wanted to scream, but you couldn't. You couldn't even think. Couldn't even breathe.

The green eyed cowboy pulled on your leash and forced you to tilt your head back, bare your throat to him. He pushed deeper into you, until his dick was down your throat and your nose was brushing the hard muscles of his stomach.

He held you there, cock down your throat and tears collecting in your eyes, while his partner started thrusting.

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't pull away, couldn't fight him. You could just look up at him, eyes all wide and scared. Your panic was thick in your blood and he drank it in.

Smirking, keeping you at his mercy. He knew you couldn't breathe, and he still held you on his cock.

Your heart was racing and you felt light headed before he finally pulled out. You gasped, thick strings of spit connecting you. He only gave you enough time to catch a few deep breaths before he was back in your mouth, thrusting. Going just as deep but thankfully pulling out.

You gagged and choked and felt like you were drowning on his cock. And all the while, his partner yanked you back and slammed balls deep into you.

It was too much. You couldn't focus on anything. You were limp in their hands, letting them fuck you and just trying to survive it.

You weren't sure how long it took. Your whole world was narrowed down to just them - their hands on you, getting tighter and meaner the closer they got to coming.

The one fucking you from the back let go of your hip and curled his whole arm around your waist, leaning over you until his lips were on your neck. Fucking you hunched over like a dog in heat.

He bit your shoulder, sunk his teeth in with a snarl.

They didn't talk much anymore. There weren't any words left. Just the need to fuck and claim and come.

The sounds were the worst. The slick squelching of a cock in your cunt, the slap of skin on skin, the heavy snarls for you to take it like a good girl. And their raspy breathing, like stallions after a gallop.

The gunslinger pulled harder on your leash, keeping you still while he fucked your face. He's teeth were gritted tight, his eyes narrowed and focused entirely on you.

The dark one must have hit something deep inside you, because you made a whining, moaning sort of noise that vibrated all through his cock.

That was what did it. He forced his cock all the way down your throat, held you in place while he came.

When he pulled out, you were coughing so hard your whole chest ached.

That's when you felt it - hot spunk splattering all over your asshole. Your whole body shuddered at the feeling.

The man behind you kissed your back between your shoulder blades and slowly moved down. When he came to your ass cheeks, he sunk his teeth in with a playful growl.

He flipped you onto your back, and you sunk bonelessly down onto the covers. Your nipples were tender and your neck was a patchwork of marks.

The dark skinned one flopped down next to you and threw a possessive arm around your waist. He hummed, pleased as a bear before winter.

"Best fuck I've had in ages."

His partner was silent, his fingers toying with the belt still around your neck. You tilted your head back to look at him.

He was smiling, not soft exactly but about as close as a cruel bastard like him could get. He was so handsome, when he wasn't trying to choke you.

He sighed and let his fingers drift up your cheeks.

"I wish we could stay, pretty. But the day ain't done just yet."

The other one grumbled. "Can't we just lay here for a bit? I've got my girl all nice and snug. Why should I let her go?"

"Boss's orders, that's why. We gotta play nice and share."

"Why? Those bastards don't deserve her."

"And we do?"

He didn't bother to answer, just pushed himself to his elbows and looked down at you. His eyes were a deep brown. Sweet, almost.

"No," he said quietly, "We don't."

He leaned down and kissed your cheek. Soft, like a husband would. He stood and only looked back at you when he was at the door. Hard man, killer and gunslinger that he was, you thought you saw just a little guilt in his eyes.

When he was gone, the green eyed gunslinger ran his hands through your hair.

"He's right, y'know. We don't deserve a girl like you."

There wasn't any guilt in his voice, just a deep sense of satisfaction.

"But we've got you anyway. If the world gave folk what they deserved, you'd never have been so unlucky to catch our eye in the first place."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss against your other cheek, and then nipped at your jaw. A coyote savouring a bone.

"You'll learn to take it, sweetheart. And when I'm done, you'll learn to like it."

He left his belt around your neck and let the door slam shut behind him.

You could hear when they joined the others out in the yard. Their laughter drifted up to you, sharp as a wild dog's bark.

You closed your eyes. On your back in nothing but your stockings and a leash. It wasn't the sort of thing you'd ever imagined as a possibility. Hell, a lot of today was filled with things you'd never even thought about.

You hurt in just about every place. But parts of you throbbed with a pain that wasn't entirely unwanted.

Traitorous body, traitorous mind.

You couldn't possibly like this. You were being used by criminals, killers. Your virginity was just another prize for them to steal. You were a good girl, raised in a good home with upright, moral parents. You weren't some lady of the night, some harlot, to enjoy their roughness.

Right?

When the door sighed open, you didn't even bother to open your eyes.

"These young ones don't know any gentleness, eh beauty?"

His voice was calm. The sort of soft tone you'd use with a filly still nervous 'bout the bit.

You could hear his footsteps. Heavy boots but no spurs.

You flinched when he touched the belt around your neck, but he didn't do much more than run his fingers across the leather.

"Let's get this off you. Idiots. You don't harness a creature so fine."

He pulled it off your neck carefully and then touched the bruises it left behind.

"Open your eyes for me, beauty. Let me see you."

You almost didn't. What more was there to see? Another man with too tight hands and a hunger that wouldn't end?

It was his voice that did it. So kind. No growl behind the words, no clenched teeth snarl.

The first thing you saw were his eyes. A dark hazel, like an eagle's.

"Ah, just as pretty as I thought. Do you want to sit up for me? Those ropes must be hurting something awful by now."

He was older than you, but not by too much. Older than the gunslingers, but not nearly as old as the boss. His hair was tied in braid that fell almost all the way down his back. Lakota, if you had to guess, or maybe Crow.

There was a pair of workman's gloves shoved in the pocket of his jeans, but he didn't carry a pistol. The wrangler most likely.

You sat up slowly, wary. He didn't seem awfully worked up about a naked woman sprawled on the bed in front of him. Maybe he wasn't so bad...

He untied your hands without letting his own wander.

You flexed your fingers and carefully brought your hands to your lap. Your shoulders ached from being stuck in one position for so long.

"Will you let me go?"

"Oh, beauty." He touched his knuckles to your cheek. "That's what you want, isn't it? To go back home?"

"Yes." Your throat felt tight with tears. "More than anything."

He closed his eyes.

"It hurts to see you cry, beauty. It hurts to see these marks on you. But even if I was the only one holding you back, even if it was entirely up to me... I wouldn't."

"Are you going to do the same thing as the rest of them?"

He held your face in his palms, thumbs tracing your cheekbones. He smiled, but it was awfully sad.

"It's been real long time since I've had a woman, beauty. And never one so fine. I'm still just a man."

You were crying again, though you didn't realise it. Tears washing hot over his fingers.

"Shhh." He leaned down and kissed your forehead. "I'll be gentle. I won't hurt you."

He undid his belt slowly, eyes on you the entire time. You were on your knees again, your stockings making you look oh so innocent and oh so filthy all at once.

He grabbed your hand before he took his cock out. You pulled away, but his grip was too strong. Not rough, not hurting you. Just too firm to escape.

He brought you hand to his crotch, pressed your palm against his cock. Even through the thick denim of his jeans, you could feel how hard it was.

"All your doing, beauty. That's all your fault."

He undid the last button and his dick pushed it's way free. Big and no less intimidating for being the second one today. His fingers were knotted between yours and he dragged your hand up his shaft. He sighed, a man finally getting release.

"Here, this will go faster if you use your mouth."

His other hand came to rest on the nape of your neck. Not forcing you down exactly, but heavy, inexorable. Trying to refuse him was like fighting the pull of the moon.

He didn't force himself into you like the gunslinger did. Just kept using your hand - still dry - to stroke himself.

"Come now beauty. Just a little lick and it will all be over. You want that, don't you?"

You did. You wanted this day to end.

You cautiously licked the head of his cock, your tongue almost blistering hot. He groaned and for just a second, the hand on your nape tightened. Like he really did just want to pull you onto him and have his own way.

"There you go. Not so terrible, is it?"

It wasn't. He tasted salty, but not in an unpleasant way. And hearing him groan like that made some part of your gut flutter.

You felt just a little braver. When he pulled you closer, you let him. He rubbed the tip against your lips, smearing pre-cum all over them.

You didn't want his cock down your throat. Didn't want to feel like you were choking. But everything he'd done to you so far had been miles different to the gunslingers. Maybe he'd be different in this too.

Slowly, you opened your mouth. You expected him to shove himself inside you, betray the tiny bit of trust he'd built.

He didn't. Instead, he stood perfectly still. He even stopped using your hand, though he kept it wrapped around the base. Just letting you get comfortable. Letting you explore.

It was what your daddy did when he was working to tame a colt. He'd let them get used to him a little at a time, until they didn't mind his touch at all.

You were too nervous to take him in much deeper than the tip. But he didn't complain at all, just watched you with those golden eyes.

You sucked on him. Just the tip, but you wrapped your lips around him and treated it like it was candy. You flicked your tongue across the underside of his head, eyes locked on his to see if he liked it.

And from the way his breathing was picking up, you reckoned he liked it plenty.

Hadn't the gunslinger wanted you to kiss his? Maybe that's what men wanted. You pulled off his cock with a wet little pop and turned your attention to his shaft. You kissed him - small, shy little pecks all the way down to his hand and then back up again.

He was smiling, head tilted. He almost seemed amused.

"So that's how you like it, huh?"

You hummed, not sure how to respond. Both the gunslingers and the boss kept getting faster the closer they were to finishing. Maybe if you used your hand...

He seemed surprised when you moved your palm, but it didn't last long. When he was sure of what you were doing, he let go of your hand and let you do it all by yourself.

There was a lot of friction and you couldn't go as fast as you wanted without yanking on him. You needed some kind of lube, something to make him all slick...

Oh.

Of course.

You licked him, all the way from balls to tip, trying to drool on his cock as much as possible. He shivered, voice getting just a bit tighter.

"Careful girl. You're playing with fire."

You didn't know what he meant. All you wanted was to finish this. Be able to rest and dream sweet dreams, dreams without men's hands on your body.

His cock was wet with your spit and when you started using your hand, it squelched lewdly.

He groaned, his hand coming to your jaw and his thumb tracing your lips.

"Open your mouth for me, beauty."

You did. You couldn't look away from his eyes. That burnished gold like dead man's treasure.

He pressed his thumb against your tongue, ran it over your teeth. He seemed just as captivated by you as you were by him. The men outside were laughing again, voices raised and vulgar. But he didn't for a second look away from you.

He smiled and said something to you in a language you didn't understand.

Your hand was moving a lot faster now that you'd found your stride, your thumb brushing over his slit on every third stroke. The only sign that he was getting closer was his breathing.

At the last second, he pulled his thumb out of your mouth and rested his tip against your lips.

Hot spunk shot at you, some of it dribbling down your chin and some of it coating your tongue. He groaned, jaw clenched tight. He was panting like a dog on a hot day, still looking at you like you were the finest thing he'd ever seen.

He pulled his cock away and replaced it with his thumb, smearing his load between your lips and across your teeth. He spoke in his language again, words just a little more forceful than before.

You thought he was done with you. Thought he'd be satisfied with leaving.

Instead, he leaned down and kissed you. One hand was still on your nape and you had no room to pull away.

It was your first proper kiss. He was hungry, his tongue scraping across your teeth. One hand came to rest behind you on the bed, and he slowly forced you down, still caught between his lips and his hand.

He ended up between your legs, still not letting you go even though you were both almost out of breath.

"Beauty," he muttered, lips pressing against on yours.

When he finally broke away, he didn't go far. He rested his forehead to yours, breathing hard. You were sharing the same air, in that tight little space. And somehow that felt more intimate than anything else the outlaws had done to you.

He was practically lying on top of you, the hand that held your neck now tangled in your hair, and his other at your waist. He held you like a lover would.

A lover. Would you ever have one, if they let you go? Who would want you after your virgin's blood was spilled?

He kissed your cheek, slow and lingering.

"Oh beauty, how can I be so lucky?"

He didn't let you go. Just held you underneath him and laid his head on the side of your neck.

You were tense, muscles all coiled and ready to be hurt. But in his arms, you relaxed a little at a time without even realising it. This man wouldn't hurt you, whatever his reasons were.

His dark hair had come loose from it's braid and you absentmindedly brushed it off his brow. That made him smile just a little.

It had grown quiet outside and the only sound was of the breeze rustling the curtains and his soft breathing.

"How did such a kind man become an outlaw?"

You didn't really mean to ask that. And kind couldn't be applied to him without qualifiers. But in the face of everything that had happened to you, his softness was saintly.

He hummed against your neck.

"Bad luck. Bad people. Having nowhere to go back to. It changes you."

You swallowed, sad though you weren't sure why.

"I'm sorry."

He pushed himself up and looked into your eyes.

"Don't be. You're my reward, my reparation."

He brushed his knuckles across your cheek again. "I've waited my whole life for you."

You wanted to ask why. What made you so special? Why did he want to keep you?

The door opened with a bang.

"Are ya really still busy? That ain't fuckin' fair."

The gunslingers were standing in the door, both of them looking irritated. Your whole body tensed. They couldn't be back so soon, could they?

The wrangler pushed himself to his knees. The way he was sitting, your hips ended up on his lap with your legs on either side of him. He put a hand on your thigh absent-mindedly.

When he looked back at them, any softness in him drained away. He was just another outlaw with hard eyes.

"Is it the boy? Boss is really letting you go through with it?"

"It's 'bout time he became a man. And you're the one who was goin' on 'bout playing nice."

The wrangler sighed and looked back at you. When he spoke, it was just for you to hear.

"I don't want to leave you, beauty. But boss's orders."

He leaned down and kissed you, ignoring the gunslingers' cat calls.

When he stood up, you had half a mind to ask him to stay. You almost reached for him. But the gunslingers were watching you and something in you whispered that showing him favour was a terrible idea. You kept your hands knotted in the sheets. For both your sakes.

When he was gone, you sat up and pushed yourself all the way back to the headboard. Hugged your knees to your chest. You hadn't noticed him earlier, but the gunslingers had a boy with them.

They were half dragging him into the room, one with his hand on the boy's nape and the other with a fist in his shirt.

He was young, barely past eighteen. Slightly built, with pale eyes and bronze curls. He wasn't looking at you. Or more accurately, he was doing everything possible to avoid looking at you.

The gunslingers gave him a rough shove and he landed on the bed, bouncing a little before he pushed himself up.

"Gonna get your first taste of a woman boy, and she's a real fine one."

The green eyed gunslinger leaned over and grabbed your ankle. With one brutal yank, he dragged you away from the headboard and all the way to the foot of the bed.

"Missed me, sweetheart? 'Cause I sure missed you."

He caught one of your wrists and tutted.

"Just like him to let you loose. Fuckin' hell, don't he realise how much easier you are when you're all tied up?"

He knelt with one boot on the mattress and pulled you up, twisting your arm behind your back so you ended up with your head tucked under his chin.

"We was feelin' real bad 'bout hurting you, pretty. So we thought we'd make it up to you. Brought you somethin' you'll really enjoy."

You were skeptical of anything he did. He wasn't the charitable kind.

The boy finally looked at you. His eyes were round, nervous.

"Do... do you want this?"

The gunslinger slapped a palm over your mouth before you could answer him, dragging you closer to him at the same time.

" 'Course she wants it. She'd be fighting a whole lot harder if she didn't. Ain't that right?"

"Would be clawing our eyes out if she really didn't want it," the other gunslinger agreed.

The boy looked rightly skeptical. You were crying an awful lot for someone who "wanted it."

"But..."

The dark skinned gunslinger sighed and grabbed the boy's neck.

"Look at her. You're tellin' me you ain't getting just a little hard seeing her like that?"

"Yes but -"

"But what? You want her. And she's right there for the taking. It ain't complicated."

The man holding you was obviously getting impatient.

"You wanna be a man? Wanna come on jobs with us? Than fucking earn it."

That seemed to decide him. He crawled towards you, just as scared to touch you as you were to be touched.

"What do I do?"

"Open her legs and start eating."

He touched your knee. He gulped, focused entirely on the feel of you. He slowly let his hands drift up your thighs.

When he reached your mid thighs, he tried to pull them apart just a little. You kept your legs as tightly closed as you could. Whatever you tried to say was muffled by the gunslinger's hand, but it was enough to make the boy look up at your face.

You could see it in his eyes. The desire to have you and the horror at knowing this was all forced. In the end, guilt won.

"I can't."

He pulled away from you, his fingers shaking.

"She doesn't want this. How can you hold her down and make her take it?"

The dark skinned gunslinger clicked his teeth in annoyance.

"God, could you be any more pathetic? It don't matter what she wants. All that matters is that you're strong enough to take what you want."

The boy was almost off the bed when the gunslinger grabbed his hair and yanked him back.

"It's a lesson you gotta learn boy. Or you ain't gonna live long in this business."

The boy yelped, hands coming up to try and pull himself loose. You could have told him it was useless - you couldn't escape their hold no matter how hard you fought.

He dragged the boy across the bed and back to you.

The gunslinger holding you could see where this was going and he laughed, mean and mocking.

"Gonna be the hard way, eh?"

His hand dropped from your mouth and curled around your throat. He squeezed, just hard enough to remind you of his strength.

"Be a good little pet and open your legs."

You didn't. Hadn't they done enough already? They'd ruined you. Why not just leave the boy alone?

The gunslinger growled. "Ain't listening so well without my belt around your throat, is that it?"

He twisted your arm further up your back, until your whole shoulder was throbbing. You squirmed, arching against him to get the pressure off.

"Do I gotta teach you a whole new lesson in obedience? I promise I'm a much harder master than the boss."

He let go of you throat and grabbed your thigh, his fingers digging into the meat. His partner was quick to do the same on your other leg. It wasn't any good fighting them. They weren't scared of hurting you and they didn't care if they left bruises.

They wrenched your thighs apart and the gunslinger shoved the boys head between your legs.

"You ain't scared of a lil' blood, are ya? Clean her up nice and good."

The boy looked up at you with tears brimming in his waterline.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't have the boss's skill. His tongue was soft, hesitant. Probing, but totally unsure what to do.

You shivered at the feeling of his lips on your clit, his warm breath tickling your thighs.

The gunslinger growled and pushed him further down, until his nose was grinding into your folds.

"She ain't gonna get away. Use your whole tongue, suck on her, bite. Fuck's sake, do we gotta do everything for you?"

The one at your back laughed and nipped your cheek.

"She wants it though. Just look at those pretty tears."

The boy whimpered but did as he was told, dragging his tongue all the way up. His hands came to rest on your thighs, skin so much softer than the other men's.

His teeth brushed your clit and you gasped. The boy froze.

And then, he did it again.

You shuddered, thighs shaking just a little. He didn't seem to notice it, but his grip on your legs was getting tighter. He focused on the sensitive spot he'd found, raking his tongue across it.

You made another small, involuntary sound.

The man at your back purred. "There. Ain't that sweet to hear?"

The boy started to suck on your clit, tongue hot and wet. He pushed himself deeper, his nose and chin both buried in your cunt. He didn't even notice when the gunslinger let go of his hair.

He curled his arm around your lower back and pulled you closer to him, almost lifting you off the bed. The wet sounds of his sucking filled the room.

The gunslinger let go of you thigh, satisfied that the boy had a good grip on you. He kissed the corner of your lips, his hand coming up to play with your tits.

"Y'know, we never did get to make you come. Can't help wonderin' what you sound like."

You kept your jaw clenched tight. You weren't going to give him the satisfaction.

He must have read your mind, because he chuckled. Pinched your nipple hard enough that you bucked in his grip.

"Oh, you're going to come for us. Ain't that right boy?"

The boy muttered something and went right back to eating you out. You could feel the same heat in your belly as when the boss had you. Like a band about to snap. Every little move was too much, every flick of his tongue on your clit was somehow more intense.

You squirmed, trying everything you could to get him off. The boy ignored you. Just held on a little tighter and pinned you thigh to the bed.

"Please," you whined. "It's too much."

The gunslingers snickered at that.

"Poor darlin'. Does it hurt real good?"

"Don't fight it. Just let it happen. No one will know except us."

"And we're real good at keeping secrets."

The extra mean gunslinger pressed his cheek against yours and looked down at the boy between your legs.

"Don't tell me you're shy. We're real well acquainted by now, ain't we?"

You hated when he spoke to you like that. All sweetly condescending.

The boy wasn't letting up. Just kept sucking your clit and dipping his flexed tongue into your hole, switching from one to the other like he couldn't get enough. Like you were water in the desert and he'd drop dead without you in his mouth.

You fisted the duvet in your free hand, trying to distract yourself. No good. Your body had wants and needs of its own.

You could feel it building and there wasn't anything you could do to stop it.

You threw your head back and bit your lip, but it still wasn't enough. Small whines and gasps slipped through.

Your cunt was clenching, your whole belly a warm knot finally coming undone. It felt better than good.

It felt fucking incredible.

The boy didn't seem to notice. He just kept at it, even though your clit was swollen and aching and bright with blood.

The gunslinger noticed though. You could feel him smiling against your neck.

He tugged at your earlobe with his teeth and then kissed all the way down to your shoulder.

"Maybe we ought to be nicer, if that's what you sound like."

"Like a fox in a trap. Whinin' so nice 'fer us."

Your whole body felt like you touched lightening. And the boy's tongue was the worst if it.

"Please, enough. I...can't..."

The dark skinned gunslinger leaned closer to you, smiling in a way that wasn't nice at all.

"You're so sweet when you beg, filly. Ask politely and I'll get him off you."

You swallowed your pride. What was left of it after today anyway? They'd seen far too much of you for you to hold onto false modesty.

"Please. It's too much. Just make it stop."

Maybe it was your voice or maybe it was your tears or maybe he was just feeling merciful after emptying his balls inside you. He grabbed the boy's hair and hauled him up.

The kid's lips were red and swollen, his whole jaw slick with spit and spunk. He looked dazed, eyes still on the spot between your thighs.

"I'm not done yet. Can't I just..."

"Ain't complaining now, are ya? You see why we went through all that trouble for her?"

He was still holding onto you and he made a half hearted tug to get you closer to him.

"Five more minutes. Please."

The gunslinger scoffed. "You think just 'cause you had a taste you can make demands?"

He pulled the boy's hair and dragged him off the bed. His jeans were bulging at the crotch and his eyes never left you.

"But you said -"

"We said that you'd get a taste. Nothin' more."

The gunslinger holding you spoke up, his lips still pressed against your shoulder.

"You gotta earn it boy. Our girl ain't gonna be wasted on some greenhorn."

"Gonna have to make do with your fist, like the rest of us had to."

When the boy was off the bed, the gunslinger let go of your arm and shoved you forward. You landed on your forearms, your body sprawled in front of him.

He planted a hard smack on your ass and leaned over you, lips brushing your hair.

"You'd better dream about me sweetheart. Better feel me in your mouth when you close your eyes."

His fingers swiped across your cunt, rough and probing. You winced at the feel of him.

"Or else I'll just have to fuck you so hard the memory is burned into your mind."

You looked over your shoulder, eyes catching his for just a second. Long enough to realise he meant every word of his threat. He smirked, satisfied.

He stood and grabbed the boy by his upper arm. Together with his partner, they bundled him out the door. Business all finished, eh?

You sagged into the bed and watched them leave, your cunt still pulsing when you moved. You were exhausted and you looked it, too tired to push yourself up.

A hand caught the door before it closed.

Another one? How much more were you supposed to take?

The newcomer nudged the door back open and stood there for a minute, watching you. He had a bowl of water in his hand, a wash rag thrown over the side.

You hadn't seen his face before, but you recognised him. The tall, well spoken one who made you ride on his horse.

He was dressed better than most of the others. A black, silk waist coat and a crisp white shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows. A silver cross dangled on a chain around his neck.

It made you want to laugh. What God could he worship, when he was a sinner so black?

"Hello dove."

You didn't answer. Just watched him with your cunt fluttering and your lips bruised.

He was the palest out of them all, skin more like a scholar's than a cowboy's. He had black hair, as long as the gunslinger's, but tied back. He was probably Chinese, but born on this side of the Pacific. His accent was almost the same as yours.

He walked towards you slowly. Not nervous, but more like he was worried about spooking you.

He put the bowl of water down on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed, half facing you.

"It must hurt."

You stayed quiet. What did he know of hurt? He wasn't the one being held down and fucked.

He nodded at the bowl. You hadn't noticed it, but the water was a milky white.

"That's to clean you up. I reckon they left a few more cuts and scrapes than they intended."

You found your voice. Smaller, meeker than you remembered.

"Why do you care?"

"You think we don't care?"

You blinked. Of course you thought that. What else was there to think? They were outlaws who took you to satisfy themselves for an afternoon or two. What more could there be?

He laughed, but it was a bitter thing.

"Oh, qīn’ài de. If we didn't care, you'd still be a free woman."

You didn't understand what he was getting at. He sighed and reached for your ankle.

You jerked away. You didn't want to be touched ever again. Not by a man, not by anyone.

He sighed again.

"Don't be difficult. I want to help you."

"Why?"

He was quiet. Just watching you with his dark eyes. There was something familiar about him, though you couldn't tell what.

Finally, "You don't remember me."

You were in no frame of mind to care about his feelings.

"No."

He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his forehead resting on his knuckles. Like a man at prayer. He turned his head a little to speak to you.

"It's been a long time, but you saved my life once."

You frowned, totally blank.

"You were still just a girl. Thirteen or fourteen maybe. I'd just turned twenty, part of a gang for the first time and too damn cocky."

He rubbed the skin just above his thumb. There was an ugly scar there, the skin still raised and puckered after all these years.

"Our heist went wrong. Sherrif and his deputies were waiting for us. I got shot. Not so bad that it would kill me, but bad enough that I couldn't make it home."

You couldn't see where this was going.

"Ended up in a barn, bleeding everywhere. I heard footsteps and I thought for sure I was done for. That the rancher was going to blow my brains all over the wall. But it wasn't him that found me."

You sat up slowly and ended up on your knees, your back to him. You thought you understood now, but you let him keep speaking.

"Wasn't him, but his daughter. Dropped the milk when she saw me but she didn't scream. Just came over and asked how she could help me. Me. A wanted man who'd just killed six deputies."

You didn't know that part of the story. All you remembered was the hot summer sun slanting through the cracks in the barn, and the young man bleeding out in the hay. You remembered him digging the bullet out and asking you to stitch him up, his face going all pale.

You closed you eyes and it was like you were right back there, hiding him in the hayloft and telling your pa the blood on your dress was from killing a chicken.

"Why did you do it?" he asked.

"Because you looked scared. And because I was a little in love with you."

That probably wasn't the answer he was expecting. You pulled in a shuddering breath.

"You were older than me, but still so young. The most handsome man I'd ever met. You told me you got shot by mistake, and not to tell anyone because it would get your little brother in trouble."

You could hear a smile in his voice.

"And you believed me?"

"Yes. Why would you lie to me? Outlaws were just a thing from stories. And I suppose I wanted to believe you. You told me I was going to be really pretty someday, that you'd have to come back and marry me. No one had ever said anything like that to me."

He hummed. "You really thought I was handsome?"

"Yes."

He still was, but he had none of the sweet, boyish softness you remembered. He was handsome in a hard, dangerous way. Diamond rough. You could cut your skin on the sharpness of him.

"But what does that have to do with anything? Why...why do this to me, if you owe me your life?"

He sighed and reached for you. He hooked his arm around your waist and dragged you onto his lap.

"I kept checking in on you over the years, do you know that? Every time I was near your ranch I'd ride out and look for you. Always watching."

"Why?"

"I felt like I owed you. I wanted to make sure you were fine. And when you got older...well, I just liked looking at you."

You shivered. There was something in his voice, a longing far deeper than anyone of the other cowboys'.

"Will you let me go when you're done?"

He sighed and tucked your hair behind your ear.

"Maybe that would be the merciful option. But we aren't merciful men."

He pulled your head onto his shoulder when you started crying.

"You're going to stay with us, qīn’ài de. For a very, very long time."

"Why now? Why..."

His hand was soft in your hair, his voice even softer.

"You're young, lovely, a rancher's only child. How much longer 'til your pa started to consider marriage? And who would come knocking on his door? No, I couldn't loose you to them."

"You're the one..." you tried pulling away but he kept you still, head against his shoulder.

"Me," he agreed, "I'm the one to blame for this. And even knowing that, I wouldn't take it back."

"The others..."

"Brutes, aren't they? But they're my brothers. And once they saw you, they wanted you too."

He said he couldn't loose you to another man, but that didn't make any sense.

"If that's true, why did you let the others..." You swallowed, not sure how to go on.

"Why did I let the others have you first?"

You nodded. He played with the cross on his necklace. Finally, he spoke.

"Because I want the most time with you."

He pulled away to look at you and you realised how wrong you were. It wasn't that he didn't feel any lust for you, it was just that he hid it far better than the rest of them.

But now... oh, his was the worst you'd seen. Boiling hot, on the end of its tether. This was a man who wanted you. Who'd spent years wanting you.

He laid a palm on your thigh.

"They got you for an hour each maybe. But I'm going to have you all night."

#Poly yanderes #Yandere Cowboys #Yandere Wild West #Yandere outlaws #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere drabbles #yandere scenarios #reader insert #x reader #yandere oc #yandere oc x you #yandere lemons #yandere noncon #male yandere #yandere x darling

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iam-anordinary-human-orami · 3 months ago

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I really want a scene like this in tsc2 where Neil seems to call Jean more often to check up on him and the floozies are perplexed "Why is Josten calling you?" "You guys close or sth?" "You still haven't told us what happened when he whisked you away" "we are worried sick Jean, how can you keep us in the dark?" And then Cat will say sth like "are you not sharing what you're talking to Josten about cause you're embarrassed?" Jeremy being a worried mother hen "is he bothering you?" And Jean keeps shutting everything down telling them not to worry, and then Laila as a joke says "is he flirting with you?"

And Jean responds with "I hope not. I don't think his boyfriend would take it well"

Everyone immediately stops what they are doing. "Im sorry, his WHAT?"

All hell breaks lose. Cat is shaking Laila "Josten is FRUITY?!", Jeremy is like "He has a boyfriend?" Laila being like "in the year that he joined the foxes and almost died in the hands of his serial killer dad, he got a boyfriend??? How???" And then Cat and Laila start asking questions, Jeremy trying to calm them down but also being curious, Jean is like "Well he's not told me explicitly, but it's obvious."

Jeremy having an epiphany "oh my god. Is it Kevin?" Cat in the background "oh please let it be Kevin" Jean says no, "Kevin is too much of a coward", the floozies are looking at each other like "oh we are definitely unpacking THAT at some point". And then they're like okay, well maybe the boyfriend is not on the team. But Jean confirms, it's a fox, i can tell u who it is-' "NO! We need to figure this one out!" "Let our gaydar do the work Jean we got things to prove!" Jean tiredly: "to who?"

So they start guessing, oh Hemmick is undeniably fruity, Jean is like "I don't even know who that is. Oh, backliner? No, not him". "Maybe it's Boyd?!" Cat being like "Escandalo! Cause he's with the captain right? Wilds?" Laila commenting "He'd be out of his mind to pass on that, and this is the educated opinion of a lesbian", Jean is like "how come u guys know all their names?" Jeremy says "they are a small team and it's hard not to keep tabs on them when they are in the news cycle every week or so"

"Guys we're losing track, keep your heads locked in! Who could be Josten's boyfriend, that tonight's pressing question!" "But there's no one else... wait, is he with the other backliner? Short blonde?" "I'm gonna be honest, I don't get queer vibes from him" "Lol can u imagine it's actually the goalkeeper twin" "what the one that went to juvie and looks like hes one step away from biting our heads off on the court? Nahh". Jean looks at an invisible camera like he's in the office.

And then something happens and they forget about it, until like the winter banquet or some shit and Cat is intently looking at Neil trying to decipher who his boyfriend could be, maybe he is in a throuple with Wilds and Boyd? Jean is like "Why are you looking at the foxes' table so intently?" "It's investigative work, don't worry about it" and then Neil comes over and takes Jean away at the open bar to talk about sth, the floozies are pretending to not be looking at them. Neil notices and he's like "I see they taken claim already." Jean responds with "It's not what u think" and they talk, Andrew probably gets bored at some point and goes to Neil, puts a single hand on his lower back and Jean being able to hear commotion in the Trojans table turns to see them acting like "normal", except their poses look rehearsed, there's drinks that have been spilled on the table and Cat is drinking from an empty glass looking at the sky.

#aftg #all for the game #just a silly one #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #the sunshine court #jean moreau #tsc #laila dermott #catalina alvarez #jeremy knox #the trojans #the foxes #the golden raven #tsc2 #tgr

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abbyslovergirlxo · 4 months ago

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Intrusion

Sevika x Ambessa x Reader

Word count: 3.9k

synopsis; You, the pretty enforcer are tasked with retrieving very important documents from none other than Lead Commander Ambessa Merdarda. Sounds rather easy, until you see Silco’s right hand woman bent over her desk.

(Tw; dom!Ambessa, softdom!Sevika, wlw, overstimulation, degradation, enforcer!reader, strap on, sex, biting, sub!reader, sub!Sevika, crying)

Song: Love is a bitch, Two face

Side note: lmk if you guys like this and I’ll do another ambessa/sevika one shot. tbh I’m obsessed with them so I’ll probably drop it anyways lol. Also I’ve never watched the show so if anything is inaccurate don’t hate me, the characters are just fine shit. Anyways, hope u enjoy 🫶

When you first walked into the tall building, you hadn’t expected today to be such a troublesome one. Your commanding officer has tasked you with retrieving a few important documents from Lead Commander, Ambessa Merdarda. When given the task you did well to hide your excitement but nonetheless it was there. You had seen Ambessa, as an enforcer she was starting to become a regular face to be greeted by. But you’d never come close to her and the idea of that was intoxicating. You’d heard rumors about her, the war lord who never took no for an answer and never knew defeat. You’d admired her, her ruthlessness made her one of the most praised women in the world. One day you’d hoped to become as renowned as her. Knowing it was wrong and out of turn, you wondered if you’d be able to ask her a few questions about her strategies when you made it to her office.

The walls were decorated with precise and intricate details. White and blue and gold peeked all over. Sunlight peered in through the huge windows, everything about it screamed luxury. You nodded your head off to the guards posted at the large grand doors that led to the wing with Ambessa’s office.

Your heart jumped out of your chest over and over as you neared that golden and blue door. But you found courage once you reached it, letting off two swift knocks. Silence was all that met you. You decided to be a bit patient, not wanting to barge in. But as the minutes passed you remembered your commander's voice in the back of your head, pestering you about just how important it was that you got them.

Minutes kept slipping so with a slight irritation slipping over you, you respectively knocked two more times. There was a bit more force behind it this time but respectful of course. More silence was accompanied by it. You bit your lip, anxious and worried.

You knew that it wasn’t your fault that the Lead Commander hadn’t answered despite it being known that she was in her office. But you also knew the higher ups rarely cared about ‘excuses’ like such. If you were lucky you’d get chewed out in front of your comrades.

Usually you took any consequences head on, no matter how obscene, like the good soldier you were. But something made your stomach churn to delay the delivery of something of such urgency. You took a deep breath, telling yourself that she’ll understand.

I ’m not knocking the door down or anything, she won’t mind…just open the door

You tried to have your thoughts aid your anxieties and it almost worked until you remembered the scowl on her face a week earlier when a fellow enforcer had approached her disrespectfully. Just the remembrance of such a glare sent shivers down your spine.

Somewhat cowardly, you decided to suck up whatever would inevitably be thrown at you when you showed up with no papers. Disappointed, you put your head down, ready to turn.

Until a muffled groan slipped past the confines of the large door. If it hadn’t been for how observant you were, you undoubtedly would’ve missed it. But upon hearing it you flinched. Worry and fear overtook at the idea of what it could’ve been.

Was Ambessa ok? Had someone slipped into her office and hurt her? Is that why she couldn’t come to the door?

Without so much as a second thought, you bolted through the door, gun raised and finger steady over the trigger.

Any heroism brewing inside of you preparing to ‘save the day’ instantly dissipates. The scene in front of you was so lewd that you couldn’t do anything besides immediately re-holster your gun and attempt to leave. Unfortunately the attempt was halted, the panting voice of Ambessa reaching you.

“ Close the door. Turn around.”

For a second, you let your mind roam over the possibilities this could end with. You cursed yourself for your listening skills, wishing you’d never heard that noise in the first place. You remembered your comrades talking about some rather obscene things they’ve walked in on and they found pretending worked best.

In a last ditch effort, you kept your eyes pointed at the large door. Hand still clutching the handle.

“ I was simply coming to retrieve the documents for Commander Brinman. I apologize for my intrusion, due to the noise, I assumed there was trouble. I will take my leave immediately and return to retrieve them later today if able, Commander Merdarda.”

You heard a chuckle followed by a whine to which you presumed was the brown skinned woman bent over the table, the ones whose legs shook slightly…

You shook your head slightly, cursing yourself once again for the blush that crept on your face.

“ I didn’t ask you for any of that information, little one. Close the door and turn around. That’s an order.”

Desperately you let out one last attempt. Your voice came out weak this time, that soldier formality leaving you.

“ I promise you, Commander Merdarda, that absolutely nothing that has taken place in this office today shall leave it. I swear it.”

“ Well I could’ve told you that. You don’t seem the chatty type, clearly not the listening type either… I won’t repeat myself on my previous orders.”

Her voice sounded less patient this time, so reluctantly you closed the door. The loud click sounded throughout the room, and not a moment after you turned your body to face them. Embarrassment settled on your face as you still refused to actually look, your eyes trained at the floor.

“ Eyes up here, don’t be so rude.”

The moment you looked up, she was already staring at you. Your chest rose and fell a bit faster upon seeing the sight, again. Ambessa stood proudly, muscles and chest exposed for you to see. And though her counterpart did also seem to have muscle you immediately deduced that she wasn’t in the same state Ambessa was. Her hair fell over her face, pants crumpled around her ankles as she lay there, still shaking.

Ambessa smiled at you, but it was clear that it wasn’t a friendly one.

“ Look, we have a guest. Have some manners, or do you undercity dogs not have any of those?”

The harshness yet playfulness in her tone made you shift your legs slightly, still staring at Ambessa. The woman beneath her simply grumbled something but you didn’t catch it. It was hard when your heartbeat was thrumming out of your ears practically.

Ambessa rolled her eyes, using her large hand to tug at the hair of the woman. Another grumble left her, this time clearly more strangled. Guiding her head to look up at you, you nearly collapsed onto the floor upon seeing her face. Sure a few strands still protected her but you’d know that face anywhere.

Any enforcer would. Sevika, Silcos right hand woman. Instantly you scrunch your face up at the sight, luckily Ambessa was nice enough to drop her head back onto the desk, of course not before she forced a ‘hello’ out of her.

“ What to do with you now, hm?”

That question alone was enough for you to not care that Noxus’s Lead Commander was fucking a known criminal in her office, worried about your own fate.

“ Like I said, Commander, I’ve seen nothing. I’ll say nothing.”

She frowned, almost as if she was bored by such a response.

“ I thought we already discussed that. I think you’d be much more interesting with all those clothes off.”

The blush you fought so hard to keep down came back with a vengeance. You stammered over your words but nothing actually came out. You peered over at Sevika, noticing that Ambessa was in fact still inside of her.

“ C-commander… I’m a s-soldier…”

“ Soldiers don’t like getting fucked?”

Your insides boiled at the thought. Your mind fed you images of your legs open, trembling like Sevikas, Ambessa large hands able to reach every and anywhere. It should’ve made you recoil, have you running out of the office and shouting for anyone nearby to come and see the ungodly actions happening in this very room. But it didn’t. It made your breath hitch. Desire pounced at you over and over. You’d always been trained to be the perfect, obedient, and efficient soldier. But there was nothing perfect about the way you gave in so easily to that little voice inside of your head.

You’d be lying if you said everything about the sight of them didn’t make your knees weak. You’d always preferred women but there were no women like Sevika and Ambessa where you’d come from. The disgust you felt for that Zaunite hunched over that desk held no weight against your attraction for her.

“ Well, child, what’ll be?”

“ Nobody will find out…right?”

Ambessa smiled evilly at the question. Yet she ignored it all together. She knew you were going to strip anyway. She knew it the moment you locked the door on your own will, she’d never told you to do that. And oh how she loved the look on your face as you accepted your situation, deciding that Ambessa was never going to give you such security in her answer.

Slowly but carefully you tugged at your clothes. Something Ambessa also hadn’t instructed. She held back a sly comment, picking up on how eager you were. And she didn’t miss the way Sevika clenched around her suddenly, as she watched you strip off the rest of your clothes. You hadn’t noticed either of their staring but god did you feel it.

If your parents were here they’d be so disappointed in you, hands trembling as you showcase your bare body to two women who looked like they were looking at dinner. But you had no space to harbor such a thought, not when Ambessas braid swung slightly, beckoning you over. You moved swiftly, that certain soldier walk about you.

“ Quite nice…”

Ambessa shamelessly checked you out, her eyes lingering concerningly long on your breast. You simply shrink beneath her gaze, her very presence demanding authority. And you saw no reason to grant her anything other than that.

“ How lucky I am, I’ll have to thank Brinman for sending such a pretty one. Alright Sevika, be a little useful for once. Make sure to devour her properly.”

“ Lay down for me then, pretty.”

You’d never heard her voice before. You hadn’t expected it to sound so enticing. Her low eyes and hanging hair made you desperate to be devoured, even if it was by a criminal. You nodded quickly, nervously laying on the desk, your pretty legs spread in front of a bent over Sevika. Ambessa pressed the strap deeper inside at the sight of it causing Sevika to grip the table. The sight the Wolf had infront of her made her want to eat you both alive. From her view she could see everything, your nervous face as Sevika trailed kisses up your thigh, Sevikas sweaty back exposed and flexing as she moved about. She also couldn’t miss the way your cunt clenched around nothing as the Zaunite got closer to that spot that you really needed to be touched.

As planned, the moment Sevika finally did start licking vigorously at your clit, Ambessa started her thrust back up again. Her pace was brutal, even you could tell despite the loud whines that slipped past your mouth. Sevika moaned aggressively into you, not able to contain herself.

“ Look at you two, filthy.”

“ o-oh god…commander–”

You moaned out for Ambessa despite the intense eye contact you held with Sevika. Her grey eyes bore into yours and you worried that alone might get you off faster. If Sevika had a piece of sanity left she would’ve told you to say her name, moan it out in that pornographic tone of yours. But Ambessa was ruthless, hitting her in all the right places. And this pace was no issue for her, her stamina was horrid and she had no signs of fatigue. Sevika trembled and pushed against her rhythmically, not wanting the pleasure to end.

Her eyes rolled repeatedly, struggling to hold that eye contact with you. But you didn’t mind it, quite the opposite. It made you bite your lip at the thought that every vibration that she set off into you was because of the tall woman behind her. To know every time she rolled her eyes she was closer to the edge, drove you crazy. You almost pulled at her hair, wanting her even closer. But cowardice struck your heart, secretly intimated of the strong wanted criminal from Zaun.

Pleasure overwhelmed you as Sevika continued, her face now drenched from everything you were giving her. You whined at the sight, noticing the wet glisten on her nose and chin.

Your hips bucked at her mouth over and over and over. Until that burning sensation was becoming unbearable.

Obedient as ever, you wailed out a request. Ambessa watched hungrily as your legs shook around Sevikas head, wetness dripping onto her leg from Sevikas cunt.

“ please! can I…c-can I come?”

“ I’m not the one between your legs.”

With tears in your eyes and your hands clenched, desperate to not let go until someone, anyone, told you that it was ok. Sevika nearly melted seeing the way you pleaded with her before even saying anything, your lips trembling. Her own orgasm was approaching quickly.

“ p-please…sevika…”

Through broken moans and stutters, “ yes…god yes.”

Ambessa smiled as you whispered a pathetic thank you, your body at war with itself while you finished all over her face. Ambessa could tell she was close, it was obvious from how hard she was pulling it in. Sevika still ate at you desperately despite you having come, instead of relenting she simply pulled your thighs in with her arms, trapping you.

Ambessa had told her to devour you properly, and she wasn’t going to do anything but that. She did falter at her speed for a second, once she heard Ambessa demand for her to finish ‘all over her cock’ and quote.

You whimpered out pleads and begs, but neither listened. All you could do was paw at her strong forearms which clearly was no match for you. And Sevika hadn’t even noticed the scratch marks you gave her, her own orgasm so intense that she was lost in it. And being the cutting woman she was, Ambessa fucked her throughout all of it, until she was satisfied with the alien sounds she pulled from Sevikas throat.

Sevika did stop once Ambessa pulled out, heaving and shaking. And yet she did manage enough energy to leave a few extra peppered kisses on your wobbly thighs.

“ Who would’ve known the brave enforcer made such noises?”

Her voice was one of pure velvet, it made something rush through you. Everything about Ambessa made you go crazy. Yet you didn’t respond, ignoring Ambessa who now was behind you, head in your neck leaving bruises on it. You only whined, breathing rapidly. Her rough hands rubbed all around your breast and stomach.

“ What would your comrades think? You’ve just opened your legs to a wanted criminal, quite easily as well. Did you enjoy it? Having a Zaunite eat your cunt?”

Her words were so vile and you had no answers for her. You couldn’t even think straight, let alone entertain such nasty comments. Instead you opted to begging, not caring how filthy you looked in front of them anymore.

“ can I have more, please?”

Ambessa noticed now that your begging was no longer only directed towards her, your desperation for permission now being sought out from both of them. She didn’t mind. If anything it made her day a whole lot more interesting.

She smirked into your neck before pulling away, looking down at Sevika who no longer was bent over. Instead she now stood tall too, her naked body making you blush. Sevika knew she held no authority when it came to Ambessa, it was obvious. But you? Those lustful eyes peering up at her, awaiting any instruction, so long as it meant they touched you, drove her further into corruption.

Ambessa simply stared at Sevika, allowing her to answer.

“ Since you asked so nicely. Go ahead and open these up for me.”

She tapped at your thighs that you now had shut. Obediently, you opened them. Ambessa left your side, making you miss how warm she was. You heard her rummaging through something behind you before you saw her hand Sevika a stark black toy. Your arousal spilled down your legs as you patiently watched and waited. You grew alive with anticipation as you watched Ambessa grip the back of Sevika’s neck, whispering something in her ear. It left you curious after seeing the way Sevika’s eyes furrowed and she clenched Ambessa’s wrist desperately, nodding softly.

Ambessa left her to come back to your side, this time though she towered over you, cupping your face in her hand. It was surprisingly gentle, the way she rubbed her thumb back and forth. She studied you, finding it enticing how pliable you were, legs open and ready for them to do anything to you. She wanted to leave you clawing at the floor by the time she was done with you and from the way you easily slumped into her hands, she knew she could.

All that distraction made you oblivious to Sevika having a strap now attached to her as well. Sevika walked in front of you, pulling your legs suddenly so that your cunt was mere inches away from her cock. You bit your lip, one hand gripping the table and the other squeezing Ambessa’s wrist that now sat on either side of your face.

Sevika smiled down at you, allowing you to finally get a clear view of her gapped teeth. You nearly swooned at the sight of it. You hadn’t noticed how gorgeous she truly looked with all the hair that previously stuck to her face. But now you could see everything, her plump breast, her large thighs and strong arms, and that fucking smile.

“ Just relax, sweetheart. I know you’ll do good.” She dipped two fingers inside of you causing you to let out a small moan. Sevika made sure to get every bit of them wet, it wasn’t difficult at all, the constantly leaking proving just how good her tongue had been to you. She almost didn’t want to pull out, loving how warm you were inside. But that all went out the door the moment she saw you throw you back after she drew sticky circles around your clit lazily.

“ You’re so fucking wet, I was that good?”

You nodded mindlessly, grinding your ass softly against the desk. Ambessa gripped your chin gently causing you to suddenly open your eyes.

“ Manners, little one. She asked you a question.”

“ yesss,i-it’s so good, it’s a-all sooo good…”

You struggled to get it all out, broken up but moans and wails. The speed of her fingers was blinding by now. But she didn’t want you to cum, not yet. She ripped her fingers away, giving a faux sympathetic glance.

Sevika gripped your thighs as she lined the toy up with your cunt, making a slight show of the sounds it made as it moved back and forth between your lips. You bucked your hips desperate to actually put it inside, you didn’t have to wait long before she was sinking it all the way in. She was slow to enter, sure to not hurt you. But she assumed that’d be difficult to do considering you were practically drenched.

Ambessa itched with lust as she watched the way Sevikas thrust picked up, her stomach flexing and growing wet from you. You moaned out her name hoarsely, grateful that finally something was being done.

“ So pretty… this cunt is fuckin—- ngh… perfect.”

Sevika groaned out, feeling the harness rub against her throbbing clit. She looked up at Ambessa, eyelids low and mouth hung open, panting.

“ Fuck her faster.”

She didn’t dare disobey, picking up the speed immediately. You cried out, feeling it hit inside of you even deeper. Your poor cunt clenched around it, hungry for more. Your whole body felt hot to the touch. You thought you were going to die, not sure how much longer you could hold on despite her having just started.

Sevika moved your legs so that they rose straight up, pulling you even deeper allowing her thrust to drive you insane. You felt her hot breaths against your calf, her breast brushing against your bare skin. Her moans grew louder but it was impossible to overtake yours, your throat ripping out the most obscene noises. You met her thrust as best as you could, knowing you could never get enough of the pleasure she was giving you, even if it was overwhelming.

“ C’mere.”

You felt Ambessa suddenly capture your lips, pulling your head up slightly to ravage you. She tasted like honey and you moaned into her. Her hands roamed all over, cupping your breast that bounced vigorously. She bit at your bottom lip, relishing in the way you whined her name, not commander, her name.

“ ambessaaa.”

She secretly crumpled at sound. Typically she’d have corrected you, and told you to do better with your etiquette. But she couldn’t bother with that when you were shaking now, you and Sevikas orgasm clearly close.

“ fuckkkk! m-m gonn— no!”

You screamed louder than ever, still desperately kissing at Ambessa’s scarred face. The pair admired your discipline, fighting off the orgasm that you knew threatened to spill at any moment.

“ ‘bessa! s-sevikaa! can I— cum! can I please?”

Sevika was so far gone, ignoring your question. She stuttered her thrust, biting into your ankle as her orgasm grew closer. Ambessa gave uncharacteristic sympathy, filling in for her. She leaned down even closer, whispering in your ear.

“ Sevika’s been doing such a good job, hasn’t she?”

A tear slipped down your face as you nodded, whimpering more and more. She kissed the tear away, loving how they so easily fell down your face.

“ So how about we let her cum first, have some etiquette? How about that?”

Quite sure it wasn’t a question, you only offered a pained yes. Sevika sped up slightly making you claw at Ambessa’s hand that rested on your breast. Sevika came silently, her mouth forming into an ‘o’ as she fucked herself through her orgasm while also fucking you.

You looked up at Ambessa, pleading. She shushed your cries, telling you to let go for her and Sevika. And Sevika despite being overstimulated continued to fuck you enthusiastically, refusing to not let your pussy cry for her again. And cry it did, you came so hard on her cock that you saw stars. Vision blurry and body weak, you trembled beneath both of their stares.

You heaved, struggling to catch your breath. But Ambessa noticed you trying to say something. She rubbed your face again leaving bruised kisses on your chest.

“ Speak up, mumbling won’t do much.”

“ more…please”

Sevika, whose chest also struggled to catch breath, made eye contact with Ambessa. Your mind was a heavy haze, not able to concentrate on anything. But you did capture Ambessa’s commanding voice.

“ You heard her, Sevika. Do it again.”

3K notes · View notes

asahicore · 5 months ago

Text

fast forward - pjs

pairing. jay x fem!reader

synopsis. After yet another romantic disappointment in the form of one Jake Sim, you go to the well you’ve always believed to grant wishes and ask for your one and true love to appear. That night, you go to sleep in your bed but wake up in a strange house. When you head downstairs, you find a man washing the dishes and telling you your favorite meal is waiting on the table for you. You’ve spent hours glaring at the back of that head, you could recognize it anywhere—it belongs to none other than Park Jongseong, your high school sworn enemy... and future husband, or so it seems.

genre+warnings. high school au, the type of e2l where they never really hated each other to begin with, they act like they're academic rivals even though they're not particularly academically gifted, jay has a thing about german the language, sunoo and kazuha besties, heeseung is a loser, jake and sunghoon are assholes sorry, ive liz is german, 02z get into a white-boy locker-room fight, attempts at banter etc, they're a little bit silly

word count. 26.6k

a/n. had the idea for this listening to fast forward by somi LAST SUMMER... and only wrote it this summer and only posting it now <3 i hope u guys enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it !!!!! jay is an absolute cutie here pls love him as much as i do.... as always let me know what u think and remember to vote for @zreamy president in the upcoming elections, shes the only one i trust to beta-read and hence to run a country <3 no it doesnt matter that shes scottish put this woman in the white house

There is only one thorn on the otherwise immaculate rose that is your life.

Every morning, you wake up feeling refreshed from eight hours of restful sleep. You go downstairs to the kitchen, a boiling cup of milky Earl Grey tea already waiting for you, and eat breakfast with your brother Jinwoo and father. Your mom dashes in, placing a kiss on your and Jinwoo’s foreheads, and on your dad’s lips, saying she’s late for work but will see you in the evening. “Have fun at school,” she bids every morning without fail. Your dad teaches Korean Literature at your school, so the three of you drive there together. He watches amusedly as you and Jinwoo bicker light-heartedly on the way there—even in the pits of his puberty, you and your brother get along like two peas in a pod. He still tells you about everything he learns at school and fills you in on the drama in his class, up-to-date with everything even though he pretends not to be interested.

You’re always one of the first to arrive at school, so you scroll through your feed or finish up some homework as you wait for your classmates to file in. Your friends circle your table and you chat about the last episode of the show you’ve been watching until the bell rings and they leave you for their assigned seat.

Class starts with your teacher handing out the math tests you took last week. “Jay and Y/N, great job, keep it up,” he says as he walks past you and the boy in front of you, and hands you your paper. Relief floods your body as you take in the bright red 82 in the top right-hand corner—not the best of the class, but enough for you to be satisfied.

Good friends, good grades—nothing extraordinary, but it’s a life you dare say any high school senior would want.

There’s just that one thing. The thorn in your side that won’t stop poking.

You glare at it as it whips around in its seat and takes a peek at the grade on your paper before you get to snatch it away from view. It only gives you three seconds to rejoice over your grade.

“Aw, Y/N. Good effort! Maybe you’ll do better next time!” Jongseong coos, holding up his test for you to see and glare even harder at. 85. Not that big of a difference, but it makes you want to punch the faux sympathetic pout off of his face.

You’re about to spit something just as petty back at him, but someone whispers your name, and you turn your head in their direction. Beside you, Jake is smiling at you as he asks what grade you got. Your attention is swiftly taken off of Jongseong, whom you don’t even notice dramatically rolling his eyes, huffing in annoyance, and turning around.

“82,” you whisper back, holding up your paper for Jake to see. His friendly, absurdly handsome smile makes your ears burn. “You?”

The corners of his lips fall down into a sad pout—the kind that makes your heart melt rather than gets on your nerves like someone else. “68,” he says. Leans in over the gap between your tables. Your heart jumps uncontrollably around your rib cage. “Do you wanna go over it together during the break? I think I need some help.”

One-on-one time with Jake Sim? You don’t need to be asked twice. You nod silently, almost mesmerized by Jake as his grin widens. He leans back in his chair. “Perfect. I’ll see you in the library, then.”

“Library, yeah,” you echo dumbly, but thankfully, your teacher tells you to all quiet down and starts the lesson.

You’re antsy all throughout the rest of your morning classes and lunch break, so nervous that you barely manage to finish your yogurt. Of course, your friends, Sunoo and Kazuha, have a field day with this, and even you can’t help but laugh along as they jump between reassuring you that it’ll be fine, slapping your shoulders with excitement and making fun of your uncharacteristic quietness.

Jake arrives at the library five minutes after you, looking around the room before he finds you at the big round table in the back of the library. Your brain is too riddled with anxiety for you to make more small talk than “Hey,” “Hey,” “How was your lunch?” “Good, yours?” “Good.” And so you just jump straight into it.

You’ve only had a couple minutes of quiet explanation on your part and heavy nodding on Jake’s when Jay appears at the entrance of the library. He spots you and Jake immediately, and without any hesitation whatsoever heads towards you and sits down at your table, right across from the two of you.

“Hey, Jay,” Jake greets in a friendly manner, but Jay only responds with a nod of his head.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” he says when he notices you glaring. “I won’t bother you.”

As if he could be anything other than a bother, you think, but courteously keep to yourself. The childish rivalry you and Jongseong have got going on has no business spoiling a rare hour of alone time you get with Jake. As you go over the exercises he had the most trouble with on the test with you, your eyes often drift over to Jongseong as if to check on him—you’re cautious like he’s a spider in the corner of the room that might spring on you at any moment.

And indeed, the moment your gaze leaves him for more than a minute as you explain an intricate theorem to Jake, he’s out of sight, and panic shoots through you. Where the hell has he suddenly gone off to? you wonder, but not for long.

“There’s a much easier way to do this, really,” says a voice from behind you, and of course, it’s none other than Jongseong himself, quite literally butting his way into your tutoring session. Right between you and Jake, he bends over and rests his elbows on the table, taking Jake’s pencil from him and describing the theorem in a way that isn’t that much simpler. Your eyes shoot bullets into the side of his face while he, unbothered, explains this and that to Jake, who glances at you a couple of times but otherwise does not seem so perturbed by the sudden change of tutor. Either Jongseong doesn’t notice your glare or doesn’t care, because he doesn’t budge.

Just when they’re done with the exercise and you think you’ll get Jake to yourself again, another voice appears from behind, a much higher, girlier one. You notice the hand on Jake’s shoulder first, until slowly, your eyes drift to the face—you recognize Yunjin, head of the cheerleading squad, and she’s smiling at you, a smile that at once tries to cover and betrays her surprise at seeing you and Jake together. She doesn’t acknowledge you any more than that, gaze going back to “Jakey,” asking him if he wants to head to class together. You check the time—five minutes before the first bell rings. What do they need so much time getting to class for? It’s not like any room in this school is more than a three-minute walk away.

But Jake doesn’t even look back at you, just says “Sure!” with far too much enthusiasm for your taste as he packs his stuff. “Thanks, you two,” he says, looking at Jay first, then at you. You think his eyes linger on you for a second, but just like that, he’s gone, him and Yunjin walking side-by-side.

You watch them leave—they look good together, the cheerleading captain and the soccer team’s star. The white Vans she’s wearing have a bunch of red love hearts on them that look drawn on, and you think, Of course, Jake is the type to date someone cute, someone fun, someone who would draw on their shoes. Not someone like you, whose idea of a good Friday night is lighting up a scented candle and reading your favorite novel for the nth time. When they’ve left the library, you slump in your seat, crumpling the sheet of paper you had drawn a bunch of graphs and formulae on to make things clearer for Jake. Jay awkwardly clears his throat and finally returns to his seat, looking at you with his lips pressed in a tight line.

“Y/N?” he asks tentatively, and the sound is too much to bear, so you pack your things and head to your next class early, too. Your mind is racing with a million thoughts a minute—who is that girl to Jake, how come you’ve never seen them together before, how come he was so eager to leave with her, what was that smile she gave you about? In the fifty-five minutes of your biology class, which you uncharacteristically don’t pay any attention to, you’ve convinced yourself that they are crazy in love and that none of Jake’s actions or words towards you had ever meant anything, that you’d liked him so much you’d dreamt up the possibility of his liking you back, too.

Your next lesson starts—the smile Jake gives you as he walks into History is so bright, it dissipates any clouds hanging over your head. You do believe in male-female friendships, but despite yourself, you can’t help but think that anyone in a relationship wouldn’t give someone else such a perfect, warm smile. It just wouldn’t be right. And so, you reason with yourself that simply walking to a class together didn’t mean two people were a couple.

For an hour, you stare at the back of Jake’s head, and although you do eventually come to the more sensible conclusion that a smile may just be a smile, you also think it's unlikely that he and Yunjin would be a thing. If they were, why would they hide it? Jake is so nice, you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d exaggerated his enthusiasm upon seeing her. You’re sure you still have your chances. He even says see you tomorrow when class is over and slips out of the room to go to soccer practice.

You feel like you’re walking on cloud 9 as you head from History to your next class—but when you remember that the next class is German, your mood drops significantly. Because the universe has it out for you, you and Jay are two of just ten students in your year taking German as your second foreign language option, everyone else having gone for either French, Japanese or Spanish. Your reasoning for it is that your dad has had an obsession with Germany since his year abroad in Bavaria, and twelve-year-old you had wanted to make him happy. Eighteen-year-old you regrets it slightly, but at least now your dad is ecstatic every time you tell him in German that the dinner he made was really tasty. Why Jongseong decided to take it beats you—he’s probably just insane.

But because you don’t really know anyone else in the class, and because it’s your last period of the day, you have no friends to run off with once the lesson is over, and he gets to bother you all the way from the classroom door to the staff parking lot.

You’ve barely finished bidding Auf Wiedersehen to your teacher and Jongseong is already harassing you. “So, I didn’t take you as the type to be into guys like Jake Sim.” He says Jake’s name with such disdain, like he thinks he’s so much better than him, or like he hates him. It confuses you just as much as it annoys you; Jongseong didn’t seem to have a problem with Jake earlier at the library.

“And that’s your business, because…?”

You don’t look at Jongseong, who’s quickened his pace to keep up with yours, but you can feel the smirk on his face. It’s insufferable. “Oh, it’s none of my business. I’m just surprised, is all. You guys are so… I don’t know, different.”

You scoff. “If you think I’m not good enough for someone like Jake, I’d rather you tell me straight up, Jongseong. Or actually,” you say, looking up at him with a dry smile. “Keep it to yourself and leave me alone.”

He looks offended by your words, and it only adds to your already immense annoyance—he’s the one who just insulted you, so why is he looking at you with those stupid furrowed eyebrows?

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t need to.”

“No, Y/N.” He grabs your wrist and makes you face him, your stomach flipping in surprise that you quickly cover up. When he releases you, you cross your arms over your chest and wait for him to speak, keeping your eyes trained on a spot behind him. “I don’t think he’s too good for you.”

This makes you look at him. You have to admit, your curiosity is piqued. Not like Jongseong to say anything even vaguely in your favor. “He’s just…” He sighs, searches for the right word. “Well, he’s just a bit of a dick, isn’t he?”

You freeze for a second. You’re so taken aback, your scoff comes out more as a laugh—Park Jongseong, king supreme of all dicks at this school, just called Jake Sim a dick?

“I’m sorry?”

He sighs again, as though you’re the unreasonable one. “He’s so… smug. A wannabe class clown and thinks he’s the shit because he’s on the soccer team. Have you seen the way he swaggers around school?”

You look at him with fake sympathy. “Jong, are you jealous?”

“Pfft. No way. I just think it’s a shame you keep going after these dudes who are not even worth your time, or whatever, so yeah…” he says, voice trailing off and looking down at his feet as he speaks. Hands in pockets and blank expression on his face, you can tell he’s trying to look cool, but the way he’s avoiding your gaze is a dead give-away. Even his ears have turned red. Jongseong is having one of those shy moments he has when he’s trying to be nice to you. Clearly, a simple act of kindness towards you is so hard for him that it radically changes the way he behaves.

Like when you were fifteen and you just couldn’t get this stupid art project right, so he stayed behind for three hours after school with you, helping you draw and paint and cut and glue.

Like when you were sixteen and your grandma just passed away, making you miss a week of school, and without a word, barely looking at you, he gave you a stack of handwritten notes of all the lessons you missed. To this day, you’re not sure how he did it—you weren’t in the same class that year.

Like when you were seventeen and Park Sunghoon rejected you in the middle of a crowded hallway. You’d run off to the girls’ bathroom to cry it out, but Jongseong quickly found you and spent the entire period cursing Sunghoon out instead of being in English, like you were both meant to be. He was uncharacteristically nice to you for a few days after that, never starting an argument for no reason or interrupting you when you spoke. When you snapped at him, telling him it only made you feel worse that he treated you differently, he smiled and told you how stupid you looked when you cried. It made you laugh more than it should’ve.

Like now, when he suddenly decides that Jake Sim is also a wrong choice for you. “Him and Sunghoon are good friends, you know that?” he says. “Birds of a feather, and all…”

So you know that Jongseong is not all bad. He has his redeeming qualities. He can even be nice sometimes, when he so wishes. But those moments are so few and far between that when he returns to his usual insufferable self, you wonder if you’d dreamt it all up. Which is why you can’t quite take him seriously right now. You roll your eyes and resume walking towards the parking lot, but of course, he continues to follow you. “Why do you even care who I go after?”

“I don’t-”

“You clearly do, otherwise you wouldn’t be bothering me like this.”

“Well, if all your attention is taken up by that douche, who am I going to go up against?”

“That’s what you’re worried about? That I stop arguing with you?” you say, disbelief clear in your voice.

“I’m offended, Y/N,” he starts, his sarcastic tone making you roll your eyes again. “That our little rivalry matters so little to you.”

“We’re not even the top students of our class, for God’s sake, we’re not fighting over anything.”

“I’ve actually got the best grades in German, thanks very much.”

“Whatever. I wouldn’t call it a rivalry so much as a mutual dislike of each other, because one of us woke up one day and decided to start going against everything the other said.”

“At least you’re self-aware.”

The exit to the parking lot now appears to you like the gates of heaven. You don’t even bother replying to him, thinking that he’ll just leave you alone now that you’re here. But as you step outside, he places himself in front of you and blocks your path, arms splayed out, eyes wide like he’s just seen a ghost.

“What are you-”

“Have you done the German homework for tomorrow?”

The sudden change of subject gives you whiplash. “What? No, Miss Schumacher assigned it just now-”

“Well, given your tendency for getting the word order all wrong, I can already tell you you’re not gonna have fun with it-”

You pinch the nose of your bridge, trying to calm yourself down before you lose what’s remaining of your mind. “Jongseong, were you actually dropped on the head as a baby? Go away. My dad’s gonna be here any second.” You try to walk around him, but he steps in front of you again. You peer up at him, undisguised annoyance in your eyes. Where are your dad and brother when you need them?

“I’m just saying, you’ll probably need help with it-”

“I won’t. And if I do, I’ll just use Google. Now get out of my way,” you say, and manage to duck under one of his arms.

Then you see it.

Well, actually, it takes you a second to understand what it is you’re seeing. At first, you think it’s one of those horny couples thinking they’re being really discreet by going to the staff parking lot to make out, when in reality they could be caught by any one at any time. They’re just far enough that when you do a double take, you realize that you do know the back of that head; that fluffy mop of brown hair. You sit behind it every History period, next to it every Maths and English period.

The girl is up against the wall, and you can’t really see her, what with her and Jake’s tongues being down each other’s throat and his body blocking her from your view, his hands on her hips, her arms around his shoulders. All the works. She’s wearing a cheerleader uniform, so she could be any of twenty girls—but you’re pretty sure only one of them wears a pair of white Vans with red love hearts on them.

Your heart sinks to your stomach.

You’re frozen in place when a whistle rings in the distance, and Jake and Yunjin separate, giggling to each other as they jog to wherever the sound came from. The sports field, probably. It’s Monday; the cheerleaders and the soccer team share the field for their practice.

Jake spots you and Jongseong staring at them. He waves quickly, awkwardly at you, still smiling even when surprise coats his features. Yunjin tugs on his hand and just like that, they’re gone.

“Y/N-”

Jay’s voice fades in the background. You want to get away from this situation as quickly as possible—it’s embarrassing enough seeing the guy you like and thought you had a chance with kissing a girl that is arguably much more on his level than you are, but having Jongseong of all people not only witness it, but try to protect you from it, God knows why, makes it impossibly mortifying. You speed-walk to your dad’s car, huffing as you plop in your seat and slamming the door behind you. Your brother is already sitting in the passenger seat, and you don’t even argue with him about it. When you only give single-word replies to his questions, he shrugs and returns to playing Clash of Clans on his phone.

The moment you get home, you fish a five cent coin from your purse, change into mud boots and grab your dog’s leash. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

After half-an-hour of trudging through leaves and soft ground, muddy from many a rainy November night, you and Pablo, your massive, fluffy airhead of a German Shepherd, find yourselves at the well in the middle of the forest. Ever since you were little, you have attributed magic powers to the well—not that anyone told you any sort of myth about it, but you remember reading a story about a magic well and decided that your well would be magical, too. You’ve never wanted to abuse its powers, so you’ve used your wishes conscientiously: things like getting a certain present at Christmas (when you were nine and the most important thing ever was getting the Monster High doll you wanted) or not stuttering during your presentation in class (when you really didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Park Sunghoon and his cool friends). Every wish you’ve made has come true. Whenever a faint voice of reason tells you that it’s because you always ask for very realistic things, you squash it and continue to believe in the well.

Because today, you’re not asking for something realistic.

Today, you’re asking the well to show you the way to love.

You’ve grown up watching The Notebook and Pride & Prejudice. Your parents are high school sweethearts who are still, twenty-five years later, happily married. You devour romance novels and binge-watch Asian dramas, the more unrealistic and romantic, the better. You are convinced that soulmates exist, that love always finds a way, that it is there for anyone to see. That it can take form in a childhood friend, an archnemesis, a total stranger.

But for some reason, it hasn’t shown itself to you yet, no matter how valiantly you’ve looked.

You’re absolutely sick and tired of it. It is Jake kissing another girl, it’s Sunghoon leading you on for months and then rejecting you in front of everyone, it’s your ex-boyfriend-who-shall-not-be-named, your first love and first heartbreak, dumping you after a year and getting with the girl he had told you not to worry about a week later. At a party a few months later, he’d said, word for word, “At least I didn’t cheat on you.”

Coin lodged between your hands, you interlace your fingers and press your palms closely together, eyes screwed shut in desperation. “Hey,” you start simply, because you and the well are good friends. “It’s been a while since I’ve asked for anything, so I hope you can indulge me… This is gonna sound so cliché, but I’m really tired of getting fucked over by boys — excuse my French — and I just wanna meet the person who’s right for me, you know? Mom’s always reminding me that I’m only eighteen, and that I’ve got plenty of time to meet someone, but I just feel like if I don’t find someone now, I never will. And if I get fucked over again — sorry — I’ll just lose hope and write off men for the rest of my life. So help a girl out, will you? I’ll leave it to you how you wanna go about it, but… just show me that there’s someone out there. Please.”

When you open your eyes, you need a few seconds to adjust to the darkness. You toss the coin in the well. It doesn’t make a sound as it hits the bottom, as if it has been absorbed within the old brick walls. You know better than to question it—the well works in mysterious ways.

You’re quiet that entire evening, making up an excuse of a tiring day at school when your parents ask. Really, you’re just thinking about your wish, whether it’ll work, what might happen. You half-ass your homework—Jay was right, the German exercises throw you into a bout of despair, so you quickly close your textbook and bury yourself in your sheets, falling asleep hours earlier than you usually would.

For some reason, the first thing you notice when you wake up is that it’s still dark outside. It must be the middle of the night, you think. It takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re in a completely strange room.

Instead of your floral-patterned sheets, you find yourself covered by delicate silk sheets that your parents would never agree to buy you, no matter how adamantly you argued for the benefits of silk for your skin. If skincare experts online had convinced you of one thing, it was that silk would do wonders for your obstinate acne. You slide out of bed and find a pair of slippers on the floor, as if waiting for you. Even the pajamas you’re wearing are fancier, more grown up than the ones you have at home, a set composed of a pinstriped button-up and shorts. You look around, for some reason more surprised and curious than panicked. You could’ve been kidnapped, for all you know, but all you care about right now is this room. Rather than the pink and white walls that have surrounded you since childhood, covered with pictures of you and your friends, postcards of artwork bought at museums, and posters of your favorite movies, the walls here are beige and mostly bare, except for a painting of Japanese cherry blossoms above the bed and a family portrait on the opposite wall, above a wooden chest of drawers.

The family portrait. A woman, a man, and what you can only assume are their children. They look like twins—two girls. Can’t be older than three years old. Out of the four faces, you recognize two of them. You recognize them far too well. One of them is yours, of course. You look slightly older, by a decade, maybe? You’re glad to know that you won’t fall off after twenty-five, like much of social media has led you to believe.

The other face you recognize immediately, too, but it takes you a few seconds to truly believe it.

It belongs to none other than Park Jongseong.

A dry chuckle falls from your throat, as if someone has just made a very insulting joke at your expense and you have to pretend you find it funny. The well has a very odd sense of humor, you think. It’s probably just a prank, a magic-induced nightmare before the real thing. Except this already feels real, disorientingly so. The fabric on your skin, the picture, the room. It all feels too real, more tangible than any dream you’ve ever had.

You take a step closer towards the picture, as if looking at it harder will make Jongseong’s face fade into that of another man, the real man that will become your husband and father of your children. But alas, his features remain the same, frozen in time by the photographer’s camera. He, too, looks older—and not only does he not fall off after twenty-five, he becomes all the more handsome for it.

Is this how you find out that Jongseong was handsome all along? You stare at it until the familiar face becomes practically unrecognizable, like repeating a word so much it stops feeling like one. The straight nose, the almond-shaped eyes that seem to have softened overtime, whereas his jaw has remained as sharp as ever. Have his eyebrows always framed his face so perfectly? Has that dimple always been there?

You look around again, and the bright numbers on the bedside alarm clock catches your attention. They read 9:57 p.m., but it’s the date that makes your stomach sink—today is still the 18th of November, but ten years later. You stare at the clock, at the unfamiliar number, a date so far into the future you can’t wrap your head around it. You could barely envision life after high school.

Downstairs, the sudden clang of pots and the sound of a tap running manage to rip your gaze away from the alarm clock. An overwhelming curiosity tells you to follow the noise. This is all a dream, so there are no consequences if you explore a bit more, right?

You’ve never been in this house before, and you have no idea where your feet are taking you until you find yourself in the kitchen. It’s the only lit room in the house, and you’re creepily standing in the dark under a wide archway that connects the kitchen to what looks like the dining room. A man has his back to you, washing dishes and putting them out to dry on a rack next to the sink. He’s wearing a white cotton sweater, one that you feel you recognise without ever having seen before, and a brown apron is tied around his neck and waist.

The first thing you think to yourself is Oh, his haircut hasn’t changed. In almost every class you share with him, Jongseong has made it a point to sit either next to you or right in front of you, so you’ve spent a lot of time glaring at the back of his head. You wouldn’t be surprised if he started developing two eye-shaped bald spots there. His hair is still short and spiky at the back and on the sides, longer on the top. When he lets it grow too long, it sometimes covers his eyes, and he obnoxiously keeps having to push it back like a heartthrob in an 80s movie.

Something like a memory flashes through your mind, blurry like those images you aren’t sure came from a dream or from real life. Your surroundings are unclear, but Jay’s face is nestled against your neck, your hand in his hair. You can feel the softness of the close shave against your palm as clearly as if you were touching it right now. You ask him why he’s always kept it that way, and he replies that it’s simple to maintain. Then in classic Jay fashion, he adds, “And it makes me look awesome.”

Another memory, a clearer one, this time—this definitely happened. It’s halfway through sophomore year, a random Tuesday, and Jay walks in, holding his head high and looking smugly around himself. The bastard got a new haircut. Long gone, his messy, unorganized flop of black hair that looked like it didn’t know what it was doing; hello, sleek undercut. It accentuates all of his best features, which is terrible news for you. You had never even thought of Jongseong as someone having “best” features, but now they’re being thrown in your face. His nose. His jawline. His smile.

It ruins your day, and a few after that. You can’t quite put it into words when your friends ask what’s wrong at lunch—or rather, you don’t wanna face the humiliation of uttering something along the lines of “Park Jongseong looks good with his new haircut, and it’s bothering me.”

Here, it’s a familiar sight in an unfamiliar environment, the back of his head. Without really thinking, you take a step forward. Jongseong starts at the sound of your slippers against the marble floor tiles, but his face relaxes into a smile when he sees you.

“Oh, it’s just you, honey. I thought you were sleeping.”

Just you. As if the two of you being in the same kitchen is normal. You guess it must be, to this version of Jongseong. To him, you’re not the annoying girl he strives to best in every class—you’re honey.

“I was,” you say, walking around the kitchen island to join him by the sink. Something in you needs to look at him, really look at him, maybe pinch yourself or pinch him to be sure you’re not going crazy. Maybe you caught wafts of some ancient algae that lives in the well and made you hallucinate?

“I left a plate out for you in case you woke up. Made your favorite. The girls weren’t so happy, seeing as it’s the third time this month,” he says with the special kind of smile reserved for parents talking about their children. The girls. A mention so casual, so obvious, your heart hurts. “But I think I got it really right this time,” he continues. “Honestly, it might even be better than the original.”

He goes back to washing the dishes and you watch the sponge in his hands as it scrubs away tomato sauce, the soap as it runs from the plates into the sink. A knot forms in your stomach, something like a deep sadness that overwhelms you all of a sudden, and tears form in your eyes, threatening to fall any second.

When you haven’t budged in almost a minute, Jongseong starts to say, in an intimate, almost worried voice, “Aren’t you going to eat, honey?” but when he sees your wet eyes, the tremble in your lower lip, he shuts the water immediately and dries his hands. With his thumbs, he wipes away the tears that have started falling from your eyes. “What’s wrong?” he whispers.

You can’t reconcile the man in front of you with the image you have of the boy that torments you in every class you share. You can’t reconcile the genuine concern in his voice with the snarky tone you’re met with every day. And yet, they respond to the same name, their features are identical, if not for the years that separate them, the stress of adulthood on one and the carefreeness of youth on the other.

Your body reacts automatically to the soft touch—never in a million years would you let the Jongseong you know come near you like this, but here, nothing feels more natural than his hands on your face, your shoulders, your hair, as though they’re just as much his as they are yours. You realize the emotion in your stomach is not sadness—tears fall, but you’re not sad. You’ve never felt as home as you do now, and if one thing romantic novels have taught you, is that this must be love.

You look up at the man in front of you, eyebrows furrowed as you search his face for confirmation or some sort of an answer. There’s a tremble in your voice when you speak next. “I just… I think I love you, Jongseong.”

He chuckles. “Well, we established that a while ago, didn’t we? What with getting married and having kids. But I’m glad you still feel that way.”

The mention of marriage and children doesn’t faze you nearly as much as it should. You’ve only got one thing on your mind. “Do you love me too?”

You expect him to laugh—not out of cruelty, but because the answer is so obvious, it almost doesn’t deserve to be answered seriously. Like when your brother asks if he can have one more of your cookies and you tell him you’ll cut his hand off. Sometimes you think it’s easier to be sarcastic than be unabashedly nice to someone. Especially with Jongseong, whom you don’t expect kindness or patience from, you wait for him to stay something like, “No, that’s why I’ve stayed with you these eight years.”

So when instead, he says, “More than anything on this Earth,” voice low and vulnerable, tears flow even harder.

“Sorry, it’s probably just my period,” you say through sobs, although you have no idea where in her menstrual cycle this version of you is.

Jongseong chuckles again, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You do get emotional around this time.” And you cry more, because you can’t believe someone other than your mother knows you so well that they know what your period symptoms are.

Rubbing soothing circles against your back and whispering soft words in your ear, he holds you for as long as you need to calm down. When you finally do, he tells you to go sit on the couch, that he’ll finish up the dishes then heat and bring your food for you. You think you’ve got your emotions under control, but the moment you bite the pasta, cooked to perfection with the most succulent tomato sauce you’ve ever had, sweet with a little kick of spice and a generous amount of parmesan cheese, tears start to fall again as if you had an endless stock of water behind your eyes.

“This is so good,” you mumble.

Jongseong smiles, his gaze full of affection miraculously directed at you as he tucks away strands of your hair so they don’t get in your eyes or in your food. “I’m glad, baby.”

You react to the nickname viscerally, words tumbling out of your mouth before you can even understand them. “You haven’t called me that in ages.” You widen your eyes at yourself, wondering how this was something you even knew. But when you look at Jongseong, all he does is smile more.

“You’re right, I haven’t. I guess I was reminded of college. You cried all the time back then. As much as it pained me, I can’t say I wasn’t happy to be the one you always came to for comfort.”

You haven’t been through college yet, so you should be unable to tell whether this truly happened or not—and yet, the memories of the body you’re in all confirm what Jongseong just said. But it feels impossible—going to university with him, letting yourself be vulnerable enough with him to not only cry in front of him but let him comfort you. Whatever could have happened in the years between the present you know and your time at university for things to change so drastically?

But before you can make sense of any of it, Jongseong speaks again. “Why? Do you like it when I call you baby?”

Your stomach flips. Heat rises to your face at his words, the tone with which he said them, the things he was alluding to—you know that having children means you’d popped your cherry at some point, that you’d had sex with Jongseong specifically, but to be confronted with the fact was something else.

“Maybe,” you mumble, and proceed to stuff your mouth with pasta so that you can’t incriminate yourself further.

He puts on a recent movie, something you should arguably be paying attention to, since you’re literally getting a glimpse into the future of cinema—you could steal the idea, go back to your present and sell it for an outrageous price.

But Jongseong’s presence next to you makes it impossible to concentrate on anything but him. The warmth emanating from him, the scent of his perfume envelop you, give you a sense of just how real this all is—despite how comfortable being with him like this feels, you’re still not convinced you’re not just in an unsettlingly vivid dream. You take one of his hands in yours, examining each finger, turning his hand over, tracing the lines of his palm, smoothing your thumb over his nails—it’s an undeniably human hand. Warm against yours, slightly rough. He’s started using hand cream, you think, all these winters when his dry hands would crack because of the cold coming up to your mind, teenage Jongseong’s hard refusal to wear any sort of cream to protect himself. Memories bob up to the surface: fixing his cracked hands up with a plaster, your tear falling on his hand, the both of you in your school uniforms in what looks like the school infirmary; awkwardly gifting him some hand cream the Christmas of that year, not looking at him as you hand him the small package. Saying, “It’s a waste of plasters for something that could be fixed so easily.” Him treating you to warm, spicy tteokbokki because he felt bad for not having gotten you anything, even though this was the first time either of you had ever given the other one a present.

As your fingers trail up from his hand to his forearm, his shoulder, his jawline, more memories flood your mind. Clumsy first kisses; squabbles of the kind you were already used to; lazy mornings in bed; hours spent in your kitchen or his, before you shared one, cooking dinner together; the way you felt when he proposed, a feeling so intense remembering it is almost unbearable now. Your eyes and fingers examine his face in detail—even though you’ve seen him almost every day since the start of high school, this feels like the first time you really perceive him. The delicate bow of his lips, the strong nose, the softness in his eyes when he looks at you. Your heart beats uncontrollably as you hold each other’s gazes, but you feel inexplicably relaxed at the same time, two nearly opposing realities fighting each other inside of you—one in which you and Jongseong regarding each other with such affection is unthinkable, the other in which it is daily routine.

“Movie not to your taste?” he asks, voice gentle, breaking you out of your stupor.

“Hm?”

He nods towards the TV screen. “I see you’re not paying much attention.”

“No. I have… things on my mind.”

He raises an eyebrow, a smirk slowly growing on his lips. “Yeah?” You think your heart might actually flatline when he brings you in closer to his chest, and, face buried in your hair, says, “You know, I’ve been thinking that the twins might want a younger sibling to play with soon enough…”

You’re not sure whether he actually wants a third child or if this is weird dirty talk that apparently turns parents on—all you know is that this is something future you will deal with, not high school senior you.

You whip up your head at him, eyes wide in panic that he mirrors immediately. “Or—or not. Later. Later?” You nod fervently, and the worry dissipates from his handsome features. “Okay, later,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head before returning his attention to the movie.

A couple hours later, you’re laying in bed in the dark together—you can tell Jongseong is falling asleep by the regularity of his breathing and his stillness, but you’re wide awake. You don’t know how you’ve managed to spend all this time with him, acting like the wife he knows and loves, without imploding. But suddenly, the idea of waking up in your childhood bed, surrounded by your pink-and-white walls, going downstairs to be greeted by your brother and parents, sends a wave of panic through you. You haven’t felt this comfortable in a long time—Jongseong’s arm draped over your waist, the fact that you could reach over and feel his skin against your palm if you wanted. You don’t want to go back to a time where you hate him. In fact, you don’t know if you could hate him after this.

“Jongseong?” you say softly, the syllables unfamiliar on your tongue, even though the name rings brusquely through your head for the best part of every day.

It takes a few seconds, but he reacts eventually. “Hm? Did you just call me Jongseong?” he murmurs sleepily, as if you’d just called him Robert or Christopher and not the name his own parents gave him.

“Yeah.”

He chuckles. “Now that’s something you haven’t called me in ages. Makes me feel like you’re mad at me,” he says, turning over and burying his face in the crook of your neck. His hair tickles your skin, and one of your hands comes up reflexively to feel the softness of his close shave.

“...Jong?” you try.

“That’s a step up, but not quite what I want,” he mumbles.

You’re silent for a few moments. “Honey,” you say tentatively, voice a mere whisper.

“That’s better.” You can hear the smile in his voice.

“Will you be here in the morning?”

“Mh-hm. It’s Saturday tomorrow.”

“No,” you say, feeling out of breath. “I mean, will you be here?”

You’re aware you’re not making much sense—and yet, Jongseong needs no further explanation. “Of course, baby,” he starts, voice soothing. “I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and every day afterwards. ‘Til death do us part, remember?”

You let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too,” you find yourself saying, and, more importantly, meaning. It’s the last thing either of you says before falling asleep.

Tears are streaming down your face when you wake up the next day. When you open your eyes, pink and white obnoxiously stare back at you. The clock reads 7:12, just three minutes before your alarm goes off, and unfortunately for high school you, the night hasn’t given in to Saturday morning—it’s Tuesday, and you have to go to school and act as if you hadn’t just had the weirdest, most realistic dream of your life. You don’t even get a weekend to shake this weird feeling in your stomach off, you’re going to have to face Park Jongseong full force. At least, this will become your friends’ favorite bit for the foreseeable future.

They’re already sitting in the classroom when you get there, animatedly chatting to each other. You plop down in your seat in front of them, and when they see the sullen look on your face, ask you what’s wrong.

“Did you wake up during the night to play Hay Day again?” Kazuha asks, eyebrows knotted with genuine worry.

“I’m not that person anymore,” you reply. “No, I just had a really weird dream. More like a nightmare, really. It feels like I didn’t get any sleep.”

“What was it about?” Sunoo asks.

Your eyes dart back-and-forth between the two of them as you brace yourself for their reactions. Not wanting anyone else to overhear, you lean in conspiratorially. They mirror you. “I was married to Park Jongseong,” you whisper. As expected, they burst into laughter immediately, and you lean back in your seat, crossing your arms in annoyance. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s very funny,” Kazuha retorts. “It’s ironic, even, considering how much you hate the guy.”

“Exactly!”

“But I guess even you know how ridiculous it is that you hate him, if your brain is able to imagine yourself being married to him,” Sunoo adds, shrugging. “It’s a good reminder that you’re literally the only person in this school with a vendetta against him.”

Kazuha nods energetically. “He picked up a pen for me, once. He’s a nice guy.”

You look around the room in panic. “Keep it down, will you?” you hush, despite the fact that no one is paying any attention to the three of you. You sigh, resolving yourself to telling them the entire truth. “But guys, I’m scared. I think this might be a sign.”

Their eyebrows perk up. “A sign that your hatred of him has actually been disguising a crush this entire time?” Sunoo asks, feigning innocence.

“No—what? Where did you get that idea?”

“Nowhere. Go on.”

“Whatever. Come here,” you say, gesturing for them to huddle again. “It’s the well.”

“Oh my God, Y/N, you’ve actually lost it,” Kazuha says, fascinated by your stupidity.

“I’m not going to tolerate any well slander, this is serious. I just wanted it to reassure me that there was someone out there for me. And then I had that stupid dream.”

Kazuha and Sunoo exchange a look like they’re parents trying to announce to their daughter that she’s adopted. “Y/N…” Sunoo starts.

“This is crazy. Like, love philters and writing Park Sunghoon’s name a hundred times are one thing, this is…”

“Crazy,” Sunoo said, nodding along. “This is crazy. There’s no other word for it. Your eighteen years of boyfriendlessness have finally caught up to you.”

“You guys don’t get it. What about that time I asked it to give me a good grade on our Literature exam and I literally came first out of our class? Or when I told it I missed Jung Hae-in and his military discharge announcement came the next day?” you say, aware that the look in your eyes is only confirming their suspicions—but you need someone to believe you, or at the very least understand you.

“One, you’re a good student. Two, that was pure coincidence,” Sunoo explains.

“But girl, if you want to marry Jay, that’s fine. You’ve got our blessing,” Kazuha says, shrugging.

“Yeah. He picked up her pen, once,” Sunoo adds.

“And you know, you guys clearly have some sort of chemistry.”

You scoff. “If you think that him refuting my every word and finding every opportunity to make fun of me, then yeah, I guess you could say we have chemistry.”

“You guys have banter,” Kazuha says as if it’s obvious.

“Oh, please. Banter is cute. I want to kill him every time he opens his mouth.”

Your friends both roll their eyes. “While I understand that most men are better off staying quiet—no offense, Sunoo—”

“None taken.”

“You have to admit Jay is not nearly as insufferable as you make him out to be,” Kazuha says.

“Are you kidding me? He’s always acting like a child. Rubbing it in my face when he gets a better grade, trying to start arguments for no reason, sucking up to teachers, stealing my erasers, for God’s sake, you’d think he’s twelve. I know that I’m not on the majority's side, but I seriously cannot understand how other people tolerate him at all.”

Sunoo sighs. “Because he’s nice to everyone. He never hesitates to help people, he’s even funny, sometimes, and—well, look at him.” He nods his head towards the door, and when you turn around, Jongseong is indeed walking in the classroom. “He’s not a bad-looking boy.”

“Gosh, Sunoo, maybe you should marry him,” Kazuha says, but since you laid your eyes on Jongseong, you’ve stopped listening.

You feel weird. You look at him, and you feel weird. It’s the same feeling you had during your sleep last night, a feeling that paralyzes you from head to toe, that starts in your stomach and spreads to your entire body, weighs you down in your chair.

“Hey, guys,” he greets simply, and his voice wraps itself around your heart and squeezes. You can’t do anything but watch him as he takes his seat next to you, plopping his bag on the table and taking his notebook out. He looks at you, watches you watching him, then swivels around in his chair.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asks your friends.

“She had a dream that she m—”

“Do not finish that sentence, Zuha, if you want to live to see another day.”

“Yes, ma’am,” she replies, a satisfied little smile on her lips.

Despite yourself, you’re still staring at Jongseong, trying to figure out what the hell these emotions are that are raging up a storm inside of you. Instead of ignoring you, he turns to face you, resting his elbow on the table and his chin in his palm as he stares back at you, smirking. “What’s up, Y/N? Has it finally dawned on you how devastatingly handsome I am?” he asks, and you frown, because he’s not so far off from the truth.

“Please, kids, it’s 9 a.m., don’t flirt right in front of us,” Sunoo says, despair in his voice.

“She’s the one who started it,” Jongseong replies, still looking at you, his smirk growing.

For some reason, this startles you out of your trance, and you look away from him like you’ve been burned, preoccupying yourself instead with your notes for this class. “In your dreams, Jongseong,” you mumble.

“More like in yours,” Kazuha says, her and Sunoo giggling.

“Zuha!” you exclaim. Jongseong looks at you with raised eyebrows, and with his infuriating capacity to put two and two together, you’re scared he’s figured out what she meant, but you’re literally saved by your teacher who walks in at that moment and starts the class.

The second the bell rings to signify the end of the class, you hurriedly pack your things and mutter an excuse about needing the bathroom, trying to get as far away as possible from the boy whose all-too familiar scent had messed with your thoughts all class, whose every brush of his arm against yours had made your heart race uncontrollably.

It hadn’t just been a dream. It couldn’t have been.

Just like there was no doubt the 28-year-old Jongseong from last night had once been the annoying boy you knew, the 18-year-old Jongseong was sure to one day become the husband of your dreams. A devoted partner and father, his presence comforting, his good looks indeed devastating, unwavering.

There was no mistake to be made. The well had worked its magic.

Whether you liked it or not, you would end up marrying Park Jongseong. You, of all people; him, of all people.

Was there already something of your future husband in the boy that snickered when you mixed up your genders in German class, or would he one day spring out of nowhere? Apparently, you’d be around to find out.

But for now, how to act around him? It felt unfair that you were privy to this knowledge of your shared future while he was ignorant of it. Blissfully, perhaps. You couldn’t imagine that he would rejoice much at this news.

Your mind is somewhere else the entire day. At lunch, your other friends try to get the thing that’s obviously bothering you out of you, but Kazuha and Sunoo are there to tell them not to bother. You’d needed to tell someone about it, but you don’t want the entire school to know about your marital premonitions. The two knuckleheads you call your best friends are already doing a good enough job teasing you about it—”There’s your husband, Y/N,” when Jongseong walks past; “So have you thought of baby names? Kayleigh and Mackayleigh, perhaps?” unsolicited, during Physics. You turn around to check on the culprit — because yes, Jongseong is the culprit here, you, a mere a victim — and when he notices you staring, nods at you as if to say, What’s your problem?, trying to look threatening in his white lab coat that’s three sizes too big and protective goggles.

It doesn’t help that Jongseong has a way of hovering around you. Even in classes in which your teachers assigned the seats for you, he’s never far from your seat. The two of you sit next to each other in German, your last class every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. But today, the seat next to you is empty—what would’ve been a cause for celebration just yesterday is now a source of worry. You’d seen him just two hours ago in your previous class together, so where the hell was he now? He’s lucky that your teacher is an old German lady who always spends the first ten minutes of the lesson rambling about something in dialectal German no one understands but nods along to anyway. When he walks into the room, five minutes late, she just says, “Hallo, Jay,” and continues with her story. It’s about her first school trip to Berlin when she was fifteen and the country was still divided. You think.

He winks at you when he takes his seat and you roll your eyes. You pretend to listen to your teacher for thirty seconds, then hit him gently with your elbow. “Where were you?” you ask without looking at him.

He doesn’t answer immediately, probably surprised you initiated a non-hostile conversation with him for once. “I was just hanging out with my friends, something you clearly wouldn’t understand.”

And your friends wondered why you hated him?

“Still having imaginary friends at eighteen is really concerning, Jongseong. You should see someone about it.”

When you glance at him, he’s already looking right at you, smiling. You’ve never felt so conscious of your side profile.

“Why? Were you worried?” he whispers, kicking your foot with his.

You look at him, horrified—where the hell had he gotten that idea? How was he so spot-on? You scoff, trying to diffuse the tension inside yourself. “No.”

He kicks your foot again. “I was five minutes late and you started to worry?”

“No. Stop.”

“I didn’t know you cared about me so much, Y/N.”

This time, you give him a harsh look, one that lets him know you really mean your words—“Stop it.” Finally, he relents, getting the assigned homework out now that the teacher has actually started the lesson. Your face softens—he looks hurt. Guilt tugs at your heartstrings.

Despite what you might say, you like the way things are with Jongseong. If some people always need to be crushing on someone, you always need to have someone you perceive as an enemy—it was Na Jaemin in elementary school, because he’d once made fun of your incapability to climb the monkey bars; Shin Ryujin, in middle school, for kissing your crush during a game of spin-the-bottle at your own birthday party; Park Jongseong, since freshman year, for simply existing. Your reasons for disliking him are trivial, you’ll admit. You weren’t sure you could even place a finger on what had first triggered your disdain towards him—one too many awful jokes, one too many times raising his hand in class and rattling off a perfect answer, then looking around himself proudly, one too many roars of laughter heard throughout the entire cafeteria. The fact that no one else seemed to be bothered by him only added to your aggravation. He just got on your nerves, and it seemed that you openly showing your dislike of him — him, who was so used to being loved by everyone around him, pampered by his family, praised by his teachers, popular among his peers — was enough to make him dislike you, too. So, after a few failed attempts at trying to be your friend, because Jongseong was unable to not be friends with everyone he met, he didn’t simply give up.

If he couldn’t be your friend, then fine, he’d be your enemy.

At least, that’s how it appears to you, still now. It’s never gone dangerously far, but if there’s an opening to tease you or get on your nerves, he’ll do it. Not passing you the ball during soccer, or conversely, only aiming for you during dodgeball, not sharing his textbook with you when you forgot it unless you beg, loudly clearing his throat when you speak in class. And, lately, pouring salt on your wounds in the form of reminding you how impossible you and Jake Sim are. His motto must be if there’s a will, there’s a way. And when it comes to making your life hell, his will is infinite.

Everything is upside-down now. The question of how your relationship can possibly go from this to that obsesses you. It feels like you’re more capable of sharing a funeral, dying at each others’ hands, than a wedding.

“Jong, your textbook.”

He squints at you. “Funny how I’m Jongseong when you hate me, Jong when you need a textbook,” he says, sliding his book closer to himself.

“It’s not my fault your name is a mouthful,” you retort, trying to pull it back to the middle of the table, but he’s quicker than you.

“Then maybe you should call me Jay, like everyone else on Earth.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Now give it here. Please?” you ask, mustering your best smile. Any other teacher would’ve scolded the two of you by now, but Ms. Schumacher is peacefully going on about the importance of word order and punctuation in the German sentence, oblivious to her two students bickering in the back row. Jongseong usually never sits at the back of the classroom—only here.

He gives in, smiling back, but there’s something behind it, something that tells you nothing good is brewing in his brain. “Only because you’re so pretty.”

Normally, this kind of remark would’ve warranted a slap on the arm or an array of insults, but if today is anything, it is not normal. You look at him like you’ve been stung, visions of your not-dream coming to you in flashes like you’re the titular character on That’s So Raven—the affection in your husband’s eyes, the kindness in his words, the sincerity in his smile. Again, you’re left to wonder if this man is already taking root inside of the boy next to you, if Jongseong’s future capacity to love you presently exists in his heart.

Does your future capacity to love him already exist in your heart?

You watch as his smirk softens into a grin, your flusteredness and lack of a response clearly amusing him, then as he circles the exercises Ms. Schumacher is assigning for the lesson. She seems to have forgotten there was homework due—Jongseong will be sure to remind her of it quickly.

He kicks your foot again, tells you to focus. His ears have turned red.

You wonder if those capacities haven’t existed from the start.

As much as you love a good friends-to-lovers story, characters hiding their feelings out of fear of ruining the friendship have never failed to frustrate you — just tell her, you dummy, it’s obvious she likes you too — and yet, you’ve never related more than now.

Whatever it is that you and Jongseong have, you don’t want to lose it. It adds entertainment to your otherwise average life.

“Good thing she didn’t pick on you while we went over the homework, ‘cause you clearly put zero effort in. And I wouldn’t have helped you, even if you’d asked, by the way.”

You hum absent-mindedly as you put your notebook and pencil holder in your bag. Are you sure that these are even your feelings in the first place? Just because the well put a silly idea in your head doesn’t mean you have to believe it like it’s scripture. If what you saw is real, then it will happen in its own time. Things don’t have to start changing right this instant.

“Gosh, Y/N, what’s up with you today? You’re so boring,” Jongseong continues, following you out of the classroom.

“Just tired,” you reply. Wouldn’t it be unnatural if you were to radically alter the way you behave with Jongseong? Love should come about organically. Sure, his presence has always provoked some kind of reaction within you, but that’s usually been annoyance. Whether he’s stealing the fifth eraser you’ve bought that month or running on the soccer field, beads of sweat running down his temples, hair sticking out everywhere, victoriously smiling when his team scores—you’re annoyed. Whether he’s sticking up his hand higher than yours or going to the school dance with Ahn Yujin—you’re annoyed. When you learned that she’d been his neighbor since infancy and that she had a boyfriend, who went to another school and only trusted Jongseong to take her to the dance, you were still annoyed—this time at yourself for feeling even the tiniest bit relieved that nothing was going on between them.

And this — his quick steps trying to keep up with yours, his dumb story about yogurt coming out of Heeseung’s nose today at lunch when they were laughing too hard — yes, you’re still annoyed. But you realize you’re not annoyed at him.

You’re annoyed at how he makes you feel.

“Y/N?” he says, but you’re too deep in your thoughts, only vaguely registering the sound until he repeats it, louder this time, and grabs your hand, making you abruptly stop walking. “Are you sure everything’s okay?” he asks with genuine concern in his voice. “You’re barely listening to me. I mean, it’s not like you usually really do, but you’d have told me to get lost, like, five minutes ago now…”

He chuckles self-deprecatingly, but despite his words, you’re focusing on something else yet again. His hand on yours, his loose hold on your fingers. Your brain is yelling at you—hold his hand, hug him. It’s like there are still traces of the 28-year-old version of you you visited yesterday, urging you to behave like her and not 18-year-old you.

So, the well had let you know that you need not look much further to find what you wanted. Here it is, in the form of a boy you have convinced yourself you hated, and hated you, and yet, he’s holding your hand, asking you if you’re okay, worry knotting his eyebrows together.

Hold his hand. Hug him. Instead, you retract your hand, let it fall limply by your side. Jongseong’s eyebrows shoot up.

He’s so close, the supposed love of your life. You don’t know how to reach out to him.

For now, you smile. “Get lost, Jong.”

you guys how the hell do i act around jongseong now that i know our fates are romantically intertwined

kazuha i think not treating him like the number one public enemy would be a good start

you so what… be nice to him? how do i do that

sunoo oh my god y/n when she has to treat another person like a regular human being

you he’s not just another person!

sunoo okayyyyy i see you little miss repressed feelings

you i hate u

kazuha just don’t roll your eyes at everything he says anymore and don’t start arguments for no reason

you he’s the one who starts them… but okay i’ll try

“Let’s pair up for the reading analysis today. You can stay with your deskmate or pick a partner, I don’t mind as long as you get the work done. I’m talking about you, Chaewon and Yuri. This is English class, not a gossip session.”

The second your English teacher has finished speaking, Jongseong swivels in his chair. “Let’s partner up, Y/N?”

“What about me?” Jake asks, eyes darting back-and-forth between the two of you.

“You can partner up with Minju,” Jongseong replies, pointing to the girl he’s usually seated next to. “Look. You guys will be great together. Say hi, Minju.” Minju waves shyly at Jake, braces on display as she smiles ecstatically. It’s not everyday that she gets to talk to one of the most popular guys in school.

Jake reluctantly switches seats with him, glancing back at you and Jongseong who just grins at him, fake friendliness plastered on his lips, until he turns around again. Your new partner’s smile softens and reaches his eyes when he looks at you. “Hi.”

You have to look away—you feel your face burn under his gaze. “Hi, Jong.”

He tilts his head. “What? Do you hate me so much that you can’t even look at me now?” he asks, and you can’t tell whether he’s joking or genuine.

You frown. “I don’t hate you.”

“Oh? That’s a recent development.”

“I guess,” you mumble after a few seconds. Is it really? You suddenly can’t remember if you ever really hated him, or if you’d exaggerated your own feelings.

His smile widens. “Well, good. I mean, you were going to have to realize at some point that I really am funny, smart, endearing, handsome-”

“Back to hating.”

“Let’s start the assignment.”

You agree on reading the passage first, but you realize halfway through that not a single word has been absorbed. “Hey. Why did you switch seats with him?” you ask, whispering so as not to be overheard.

Jongseong shrugs. “I thought you wouldn’t want to work with him, considering…”

“Right.” You’re silent again, but only for a bit. “What’s it to you?” you mumble.

He scoffs. “Sorry for trying to be considerate.”

“That’s not—”

“Let’s just focus on this.”

His sudden coldness vexes you. You know you should let it go — don’t start arguments for no reason, and all that — and you know it’s childish, but you can’t help yourself. You have certain reflexes you’re not particularly proud of when it comes to one Park Jongseong. “Let’s just focus on this,” you repeat, mocking his grumbling tone of voice and shaking your head like a puppet.

He glares at you. “Can you not act like a toddler for once?”

“Can you not be a dick for once?” you bite back.

“Y/N, Jongseong, I’m sure you’re having a fascinating conversation on the use of chiaroscuro in the text?” your teacher asks, a look of warning on his face.

“Yes, sir,” you reply, embarrassed.

“Yes, so much chiaroscuro,” Jongseong mumbles, resting his cheek on his knuckles. When the teacher has turned away, he kicks your foot. “See, you’re getting us in trouble.”

“Do you even know what chiaroscuro is?”

He hesitates. “That’s not the problem here. You are.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t-”

“Y/N, Jay, final warning.”

“Sorry,” you both say at the same time. With one last glare at each other, you finally get to work.

So your plan to start getting along with Jongseong isn’t in full-force yet. On the drive back home that afternoon, you reassure yourself that these things take time. When the moment is right, the two of you will grow closer.

But increasingly, it feels as though the right moment will never come.

Two months have passed since your visit to the well, and things between you and Jongseong have not changed. Not really, at least.

You still bicker like cat and dog — it goes without saying that you’re the cute puppy and he’s the heartless cat — and he gets as much on your nerves as ever, especially now that you know that the potential to be nice to you, to love you, even, exists somewhere inside him. Somewhere deeply hidden perhaps, but somewhere nonetheless. Of course, after telling yourself that what must come will come of its own accord, you haven’t done much to change the dynamic between the two of you. But if you used to see your retaliations against him as necessary to your survival, you now find some sort of enjoyment in them—some might call it Stockholm Syndrome, you perceive it as a step in the right direction. You’ve followed one of Kazuha’s pieces of advice: you don’t roll your eyes at him anymore, simply because you don’t feel the need to. You argue with him with a smile on your face, his attempts at insulting or annoying you have started to make you laugh.

He doesn’t say anything but seems to gladly welcome this change. If you get a lower grade than him on a test, he doesn’t try to stick the knife in further, but genuinely offers to go over it with you later. If you give in after two hours of tearing your hair out over a German exercise and text him for help, he doesn’t make fun of you. If he says something particularly arrogant or makes a really bad joke, all you need to do is give him a look, and he’ll mumble an apology.

Could it have been like this the entire time? you wonder, watching him across the schoolyard as he and Heeseung hunt for Pokémon. Just a couple months ago, you would’ve scrunched your nose at the sight, making fun of him for his childish interests. Now, you notice the way he laughs, audible all the way to where you sit with Kazuha and Sunoo, the way he jumps excitedly and points at things only he and his friend see, and all you feel is endearment.

“Look at you, look at that,” Sunoo says as he hits you on the forehead with his metal spoon, startling you. He tuts. “You’ve got love dripping from your eyes, sweetie.”

“Sunoo, that’s disgusting.”

“Love? I know.”

“No, your spoon. Your saliva’s all over that,” you say, and all he does is eat another mouthful of his yogurt while staring wide-eyed right at you. When you look back at Jongseong, he’s high-fiving Heeseung. You wonder which creature he’s caught now. In the library yesterday, he spent thirty minutes showing you every single one he had captured so far instead of revising for the upcoming Physics test.

“Yeah, we know you’d like someone else’s saliva more,” Kazuha chimes in, and the two of them snort.

“It’s not like that,” you say, biting into an apple slice.

“Oh yeah? What’s it like, then?” Kazuha asks.

“We’re… becoming friends,” you say, but you’re not sure who you’re trying to convince more.

“Y/N, I’ve had to watch the two of you giggling to yourselves in the library one too many times to believe you’re friends. I know your homework’s not that funny,” Sunoo argues.

“Friends can giggle with each other!” you exclaim, but your friends are inflexible.

“I would tell you to get yourself together if you giggled at me like that,” he says.

“I saw you twirl your hair the other day,” Kazuha adds.

“I never—When?!”

She shrugs. “The other day.”

You deflate, crushed under your friends’ accusations. “I wouldn’t twirl my hair…” you mumble. You decide to busy yourself with your apple slices, not even bothering to find out what Kazuha and Sunoo start snickering and elbowing each other about.

“Hey,” a familiar voice greets, making you look up. Jongseong smiles at you and steals an apple slice from your tupperware as he sits down next to you, Heeseung across from him.

“Hi, Jong,” you say, sitting up straighter. You offer a piece of fruit to Heeseung but he declines, saying he doesn’t like apples without peanut butter.

In front of you, your friends exchange a look, and you’re immediately terrified of what they’ll do next. Leaning in, they place their elbows on the table, and Kazuha starts them off. “Jay, you and Y/N know each other pretty well, right?”

Jongseong glances at you, eyes wide. “Uh, sure.”

“Have you ever noticed her, say, twirling her hair?” Sunoo asks, tilting his head innocently at the poor boy by your side.

You’ve never seen him look so confused. “Um, yeah, she does that when she’s concentrating on something, sometimes…”

They lean back. “Huh,” Kazuha says, studying Jongseong’s face.

“Interesting. Very interesting,” Sunoo says, slowly nodding.

You glare at your friends. “See, that’s different,” you tell them. “I was concentrating on something, not doing… whatever you guys had in mind.”

Jongseong looks at you. “What did they have in mind?”

You answer before either of them can dig your grave any deeper. “Nothing. It’s nothing. We were just having a stupid conversation.” You muster your most convincing smile, and the subject is finally dropped.

No one says anything for a few moments, until Heeseung decides to speak up: “You should’ve seen Jay earlier, Y/N. He caught this super rare version of Pikachu earlier, it was awesome.”

“Dude…” Jongseong murmurs.

“What?” Heeseung asks, his enthusiasm quickly dissolving into confusion. Jongseong just shakes his head. Thankfully for all of you, the bell rings then, and you head to class. The three of them walk in front of you while you and Jongseong fall back a step.

“Why were you guys sitting outside? It’s freezing today,” he asks you. Walking side-by-side like this, you can’t help but notice the inches he has over you, the broadness of his shoulders in comparison to yours.

“They turned the heat way too high in the cafeteria, so we came outside for some fresh air,�� you explain. He’s right, the air is chilly today—it’s a few days into December, and the temperatures have been accordingly low.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Your heart skips a beat. One of the side effects of not being at each other’s throat anymore was that you got more and more often to be privy to this side of Jongseong—attentive, considerate, kind. What you once thought were his moral attempts at not being so mean to you all the time, you found out was actually his real nature. He wasn’t a prick who was sometimes nice, he was a nice person who turned into a prick with you. Whether the fault lay on him or you was another debate.

“No, I’m alright,” you say, but your body decides to betray you and makes you sneeze three times in a row.

“Bless you,” Jongseong says, laughing. “Here.” You try to stop him, pushing his hands away, but he takes his gloves off and forces them in your palms.

“I’m going to be inside for the next four hours, Jong, I’ll be fine. Keep them.”

“No, it’s okay. Just so you can warm up quicker.”

You eventually give in, putting the gloves over your hands, laughing at the extra fabric that hangs off the tip of your fingers. But when you look at Jongseong’s now-bare hands, something catches your attention. Stopping in the hallway, you grab one of them, examining the cuts on his knuckles. “You need to wear hand cream, Jong, your hands are too chapped.”

He lets you turn his hand over, smooth over his skin, do the same thing with his other hand. “Men don’t wear hand cream,” he says, a grin on his lips.

You burst out laughing. “I think that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Seriously, though, I don’t like the way it feels. Too sticky.”

“You just need to get a quick-absorption one.” Then, you make the terrible mistake of looking up from his hand and meeting his eyes—you gasp silently, his gaze and soft smile transporting you right back to that night, the images of 28-year-old and 18-year-old Jongseong mixing into each other, becoming indistinct from each other. Your gaze drifts down to his lips — chapped, too, when they’re usually plumper, rosier — and his hand, still in yours, balls into a fist. The second bell rings and you both take a step back, eyes meeting again for a brief moment before looking down at the floor. With uncharacteristically shy, embarrassed words of parting, you make your separate ways to your next classes.

“That was beautiful, Y/N,” Sunoo says, waiting for you by the door, and you walk past him without so much as a glance.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

sunoo jay and y/n almost kissed earlier

kazuha WHAAAAT

you KIM SUNOO.

kazuha WHEN?????

sunoo right before class after the lunch break y/n was sooo embarrassed afterwards lol

you we did NOT almost kiss you’re talking out of your ass

kazuha i can’t believe i missed this fml

you YOU DIDNT MISS ANYTHING NOTHING HAPPENED

sunoo be serious u guys we’re standing inches apart

you were* and no we weren’t

sunoo oh stfu it was autocorrect i saw it w my own eyes y/n… you WERE literally holding his hand and staring into those beautiful eyes of his

kazuha sunoo…?

sunoo what can’t a man acknowledge another man’s objective attractiveness if i was y/n i would’ve folded the moment i saw him

you literally one of the first times he talked to me was to make fun of my handwriting

sunoo yeah he’s on his tsundere shit i fw it

you …

sunoo anyways zuha you shouldve seen it when the bell rang they practically leaped away from each other and u didnt know what to do w yourselves afterwards likeeee it was so obvi what you both were thinking of

kazuha cuuuute

you i resent these accusations.

sunoo istg if u dont kiss him next time i will

kazuha ???

you SUNOO?

sunoo WHAT

Something happens a few days before the start of winter break.

Ms. Schumacher is absent, gone off to Germany to visit her family there—she has enough seniority in the school that they let her abandon her responsibilities as a teacher once in a while. A week is too short a period of time for them to bother finding a substitute. It’s usually your last class of the day, but you have to wait around for your dad to be done working, so while most of your classmates have gone home early, you sit with about six other people in the unsupervised study room, absent-mindedly jotting down tid-bits of dialogue for your new story idea, too preoccupied with Jongseong’s absence to really pay attention to anything else. It’s fifteen minutes after the hour, but he’s nowhere to be found, although you know for a fact that he takes those weird Molecular Gastronomy cooking classes your Chemistry teacher offers for extra credit every Thursday after school, so he should be here. And anyways, if he’d gone home, he would’ve texted you something like, Have fun sitting around for an hour, I’m gonna go do awesome stuff with Heeseung, even if awesome stuff meant playing Mario Kart or drinking Sprite and holding a two-person burping contest.

You’re so engrossed in your own thoughts that you pay no mind to the sudden ding of a phone in the room, followed by some gasps and heated whispers. The exchanged words go through one ear and out the other—There was a fight? In the locker rooms? It must be bad if they were sent to the nurse before the principal… Huh? Over who? So he took both of them on? Damn, I didn’t know Jay got like that. He seems so well-behaved.

Your head whips up at the mention of your friend’s name. “Jay? Did something happen to him?” you ask out loud, the whispers dying down immediately as everybody stares at you.

Gaeul, who was in your class last year, is the only one who answers you. Holding up and waving her phone, she says, “They say he got into a fight.”

Jongseong? A fight? It sounds like a practical joke. He admitted to you he once started crying watching Heeseung playing Call of Duty, it was so violent. You shake your head. “He-he did? With who?”

Gaeul and the girl next to her exchange a concerned, almost guilty look. “Jake and Sunghoon.” The crease between your eyebrows deepened. You don’t need to ask anything else before she adds, “They’re at the nurse’s station. It sounds pretty bad…”

That’s enough for you to leap out of your chair and run to the nurse’s station. It seems the news has spread impossibly quickly among your year group—even Kazuha and Sunoo are already blowing your phone, asking you if you’ve heard, if you know how Jay is. You ignore them, reminding yourself to text them back later, until one message from Sunoo in particular catches your attention: It apparently started because Sunghoon said something about you, Y/N. They’re saying Jay got angry.

The nurse is busy on the phone when you get there, her back to the entrance, so you’re able to slip in unnoticed. You head to the adjoining room where the beds are, all three of them taken—you walk by Sunghoon first, his arms crossed over his chest and pointedly not looking at you, then by Jake, who calls out your name. You glare at him and pull on the white plastic curtain that separates his bed from Jongseong’s. They’re already going to hear you, you don’t need them seeing you on top of that.

Jongseong sits up with a grunt when you appear at the end of his bed. The sight of him makes your stomach flip, and not in a good way, for once—his left eye is swollen and circled by a deep purple bruise, shiny with ointment, there’s a cut on his cheek, his lower lip is busted, his right hand is wrapped in bandages. “Oh my God,” you whisper as you help him up, voice breaking. He stares at his hands, jaw locking when you gently place one palm on his good hand, the other on the side of his face, moving it this way and that so you can take a better look at his injuries. He winces, and you let go, resting your hand on his shoulder instead. “What the hell got into you?” you whisper vehemently, unable to decide if you’re worried or angry or both as tears form in your eyes.

He tries to shrug, but even that seems to hurt. “Don’t shrug, Jongseong, tell me what happened.”

“I’m Jongseong again now?” he says, attempting a smile, but only one corner of his lips rises.

You sigh. Even in this state, he has to be a smart-ass. “You’re Jong when I need a textbook, Jongseong when you get into stupid fights,” you reply, and he smiles wider but immediately winces, hand coming up to the cut on his lip. You notice that his hand is still riddled with cracks, and whether they’re due to their dryness or to this fight doesn’t matter—”Wait here,” you say, and go rummage through some drawers for plasters. “She forgot some spots.” You feel Jongseong’s eyes on your face as you patch him up to the best of your abilities.

“I don’t want to tell you what happened. I’ll do the job of hating these idiots for the both of us, so don’t concern yourself with them,” he says, apparently not caring that the idiots in question can hear his every word.

He keeps his promise—you never hear another word from him about the cause of the fight.

Later, you find out through other means, namely Sunoo’s questionably remarkable ability to unearth any and all gossip, that in the locker rooms after Phys Ed, someone had started Jake on the topic of Yunjin, who had been recently revealed as his girlfriend. They’d apparently kept it secret because it was just fooling around at first, and only later had gotten serious enough for them to parade around the school as the couple.

It had been an unremarkable conversation until Jake said, “You guys know Y/N from our class? She saw us in the staff parking lot once, and I was sure we’d be busted then. But she didn’t tell anyone.” And just like that, the conversation turned to you, someone who was usually never a topic among these boys, jocks, soccer players, “the kind of people who peak in high school and still have a superiority complex at forty,” as Sunoo describes them.

He has a harder time explaining what happened next, can’t quite look you in the eye as he recounts what was said. “So, this is what they say, apparently someone said that you used to be obsessed with Sunghoon, then with Jake, and Sunghoon said you… Well, he said you were pathetic, that asshole, and that you had been so easy to lead on, then Jake joined in, saying the same things, basically, how funny it was seeing you so obviously in love with him when he would never give you a chance…” He looks at you worriedly, but you tell him to go on. “And so that’s when Jay got up and just straight-up punched Jake in the face. And while Jake was trying to figure out what happened, Jay punched Sunghoon, and then they both got on him, pushing him, but when he wouldn’t stop throwing punches, they started fighting, too. I think they all got some good ones in before the other boys were able to break them apart and the P.E. teacher arrived…”

But that would be later. Now, sitting with Jongseong in the nurse’s station, tears falling onto the plasters you place on his hand, nothing matters but him. You don’t need the details—he’s hurt, he got hurt over you, you feel as though every cut on his body may well have been done by your own hand. You’ve never felt so guilty for something you didn’t do. Your voice trembles when you speak; you’re unable to look at him, at his busted eye. “I just don’t want you to get hurt for me.”

Without missing a beat, he says, “What else would I get hurt for?”

You can only meet his eyes for a split second. Even like this, he manages to look at you with the same softness that has haunted you since the night you met 28-year-old Jongseong, that has rendered all thoughts of anything other than him meaningless since the day your gaze drifted down to his lips just weeks ago. “Jong…” is all you can mutter as you look down at your hands holding each others’, your lips trembling.

He raises his bandaged hand, still not used to his dominant side being ineffective for now, then lowers it when he realizes. Clumsily, he pats your hair with his left hand. “Don’t cry, please…”

Jake’s head pops out from behind the curtain. “Y/N, I’m really sorry—”

“Not right now, man,” Jay quickly interrupts. Jake pathetically disappears behind the curtain again.

“Just promise me you won’t do this again.”

“Y/N…”

“Promise me,” you say, more demanding this time, sticking out your pinky finger. Jay, hesitant, looks between your outstretched finger and your face a few times, but eventually gives in.

The nurse, upon coming to check on the boys, catches you with Jongseong and chases you out immediately. You sulk back to study hall, where everyone’s head perks up the moment you walk in. “They’re okay,” you reassure vaguely, and unenthusiastically answer their many questions. It’s only a few minutes until the bell rings, and you’re free to go then.

jong so… guess who got a five-day suspension

you you idiot what did your parents say?

jong they’re not happy i have to do all the household chores for a month

you boo-hoo

jong not sure why i came here thinking i’d get some comfort…

you … are you feeling better?

jong a little bit the nurse gave us some really strong painkillers but i’m okay because there’s a pretty girl that’s going to drop off the homework for me after school every day :)

you oh did you ask chaewon to do that?

jong um no i was talking about you ..if that’s okay

you haha i know i just wanted you to say it straight up

jong ykw maybe i should just ask chaewon

you i’ll see you tomorrow jong!!

jong :) see you tomorrow pretty

The months that separate your return to school and graduation come and go in the blink of an eye. Jongseong can’t come to school the last day before the holidays or the first four days after, and he’s grounded in-between. Things change bit by bit with every day you visit him—To give him the homework, you tell his parents, although there isn’t much to do when the semester isn’t in full swing, and you could’ve easily sent him pictures. The first time, you spend more time scouring the pictures and trinkets in his room than actually talking to him, and awkwardly give him a half-hug when he tells you he won’t be able to hang out at all during the break before practically running out of his house, your heart beating a thousand miles a minute from the innocent contact. By the fourth time, you lie together on his bed and talk about your plans for college, your hands sitting centimeters apart on the navy sheets. You haven’t dared touch his hand since that day in the nurse’s station.

You’re window-shopping with Kazuha when you spot the hand cream you had seen yourself gifting Jongseong in your well-given vision. Buying it is one thing, actually giving it to him is another, an awkward, stuttery situation in which the wrapping done by the store employee suddenly seems over-the-top and out-of-place. But Jongseong seems to like it—it’s the last day of his suspension, his black eye is now a yellow-ish color, he can smile without risking splitting his lip in two. He applies it immediately, tells you he’ll make sure to wear it every day until the end of winter. You find yourself wishing there was something you could give him for every season so he wouldn’t go a day without thinking of you. When you leave, he bashfully thanks you for making sure he doesn’t fall behind and says he’s excited to see you at school the next day. You hardly know what to do with yourself, so you squeak out a “me too” and slip out the door.

His first day back is a Friday. It starts with Mathematics, a class in which you sit by each other. You remember the first week of classes when Kazuha and Sunoo had ran to sit with each other, expressly because they knew that if he saw you were sitting alone, he’d take the seat next to you, just to better torment you all year. You’d resented it then; it couldn’t make you happier now. Your body is humming with nervous energy, your foot tapping relentlessly against the tiled floor. When he appears in the doorframe, you wave at him as if he’d forgotten his seat in three weeks of absence. His elbow brushes against yours as he sits down.

Between the two of you, friendship blossoms over these months. To the detriment of everyone around you, you continue to bicker as you always have, but it’s now clearly done out of habit, out of affection, even, than out of actual dislike of each other. He and Heeseung slowly integrate your small group of three, and before you know it, it feels as though there have always been five of you. Together, you welcome spring.

In January, to thank you for helping him to pick out his mom’s birthday present, Jongseong treats you to some tteokbokki, which you said you’d been craving all week. He orders the spiciest one, then has to take a sip of water between every bite. You laugh at his teary eyes and red face while you devour the bright red rice cakes easily.

In February, he makes a show of giving you and Kazuha and Heeseung and Sunoo some homemade chocolates, saying it’s a friend thing. You find out that evening that the others each have five in their box—there are twenty in yours. It’s one of the things that makes you second guess what sort of feelings he has for you. For years, you’ve been convinced he harbored strong feelings of disdain for you; now, he seems to enjoy your friendship. You’re scared to read too much into anything, because if Jongseong is well-liked throughout school, it’s for a reason: he’s nice. To everyone. Even to you, too, nowadays. But if nice is giving five chocolates, what is giving twenty?

A sudden realization hits you in March—Jongseong appears at your door, drenched from the rain, a bag of your favorite snacks in hand. “You weren’t at school today. I had to find out you were sick from Kazuha,” he says as if she was a random classmate of yours and not your best friend, as if he should be the first to know about these kinds of things. Your mom rushes him in, finds him so charming in the five minutes they converse that she decides he should stay over for dinner, and as you watch him laughing with her, you think, I haven’t thought of 28-year-old Jongseong in ages. I’ve only thought of you. And although you can trace the start of your feelings to that dream-like experience you had, you can now say with confidence that it’s not the only reason for them.

College application results come out in April, right on his birthday. The five of you celebrate together at an American-style diner, gorging yourselves on crispy bacon and chocolate chip pancakes. Kazuha is going back to Japan, almost a decade after moving to South Korea—”I’m gonna miss you guys, but I miss takoyaki and my grandma more right now.” Heeseung has been accepted into the Engineering department at the country’s top university. You, Sunoo and Jongseong are all heading to the same place: you for Screenwriting, which you’ve known since you were one of the winners of the scholarship contest last October, Sunoo for Communications, whatever that is, and Jongseong for European History and Literature with a minor in German, that freak. It’s a good university, and it’s not far from home. The way Jongseong tells you about his acceptance sticks with you: he doesn’t say, They accepted me, too, or, I’m going to the same university as you. He says, We’ll be together.

May is filled with afternoons at the park when you should all be studying for exams. Your mom keeps asking when she’s going to see “that wonderful boy” again. Your friendship with Jongseong has given him new ways of teasing you—after four years of near-kleptomaniac tendencies, he’s finally stopped stealing your erasers and has instead started to let his gaze linger on your face, to call you pretty when you least expect it, to tuck your hair behind your ear. You hate it most when he asks you whether there’s something from your romance novels or movies that you want him to recreate. “Is there a field big enough nearby that I can walk through at the break of dawn, Mister Darcy-style?” he’ll say, or “I’ve always wanted to try that upside-down kiss from Spider-Man. It’s a classic, really.”

Summer comes early in June. You need to bring a two-liter water bottle and a hand fan to your exams, and you’ve never felt such relief as when it was all over. After endless pictures with your parents and siblings, just your parents, just your siblings, then Kazuha and Sunoo, together, then separately, then with Heeseung and Jongseong as well, Kazuha forces you and Jongseong together, watching with a smile as he shyly wraps an arm around your waist and you awkwardly throw up a peace sign. It’s your first picture of just the two of you.

In July, you and Jongseong unlock a new first: saying goodbye. He’s leaving to stay with his American family as he does every summer. You show up at his house the day before at four p.m. “to help him pack,” you say, but it’s Jongseong, and he finished packing two days ago. So instead, you sit on his desk chair, he on his bed, and you fight back tears. “You’re coming back, right?” you ask, like he’s leaving to go to war and not Seattle. Amusement and affection flicker in his eyes. “Of course I am. I wouldn’t throw four more years of being a pain in your ass away, would I?” he says, and you smile, because you know it’s going to be much more than four years.

But he doesn’t just leave you with a few nice words. Avoiding your gaze, he hands you an envelope. Inside is a single ticket, a two-month membership for your city’s arthouse cinema that you can only go to when they have student deals or when your parents have had enough of your begging. You can’t even begin to imagine how much this must’ve cost. “Jong…” you murmur, in awe at the thin slip of paper between your hands. “This is incredible. Thank you so much.”

Jongseong looks down at his feet, fighting a smile as he kicks the invisible rocks that obviously litter the floor of his bedroom. “I thought you’d get bored without me around, so, that way you can entertain yourself, I guess… And if you run into any film bros next year, you’ll have seen as many pretentious movies as them.”

You burst into laughter then, and, without thinking, wrap your arms around his neck, thanking him over and over again. It takes him a second, but he wraps his arms around your waist and says it’s no big deal.

As you walk down the path from your house, he calls out your name. “Don’t be a stranger,” he says.

You smile. “Never.”

So, he’s not here for summer. Kazuha is working in her parents’ ramen restaurant to make some money before leaving, even Heeseung leaves two weeks into July for Seoul to visit some relatives there and get accustomed to life in the big city. You only get to laze around with Sunoo, but even he eventually leaves for his grandparents’ house by the sea, making you promise you’ll come visit him at some point, otherwise he’ll “die of boredom.”

It’s August now, and your brain and body alike buzz with restlessness. You go to the cinema almost every day, making the best of your subscription. If you’re not going around your house looking for spider webs with your vacuum cleaner, you’re riding random bus lines and discovering parts of your town you’ve never set foot in before. If you’re not making your way through your never-ending pile of unread books, you’re creating your own stories, finally taking the time to properly outline and draft the one-line ideas you’ve had sitting in your Notes app, preparing yourself for the start of your degree. Your mind is taken up with love stories. From Romeo & Juliet to Dirty Dancing to Book Lovers, you can’t get enough of the genre. You become particularly obsessed with stories involving time travel, rewatching After Time and Lovely Runner like they contain some precious knowledge. By the end of the month, you’ve turned your life into an eight-episode TV series—a desperate girl makes a wish on a star only to discover she is fated to marry the one boy she hates most. You know you’d watch that. You send Sunoo and Kazuha the pilot, and after calling you insane numerous times but also heaping on praises, Sunoo says this: lol your going through jay withdrawals.

It shakes you so much you’re not even compelled to message back you’re*.

But he’s not wrong. The more you let yourself admit it, the more you realize how true it is: you miss Jongseong. You text once in a while, you’ve even stayed up late talking on the phone a couple of times, but you miss him, his corporeal form, having his gaze on you, having the possibility but never the courage to touch him. Every day, there’s something you want to tell him about. The cats huddling around a young neighborhood kid as he pours milk into a bowl, the clearance sale at your local library, most books for one buck only, the actor from an 90s Hong Kong film you swear has the exact same smile as him. You don’t want to bother him, so you write letters instead. Some you send, some you don’t—the ones you keep hidden in your drawer usually hint too obviously at your feelings for him. Some of them don’t just hint and contain lines of your declarations: I miss you, everything I see reminds me of you, I want to check that your bruises have healed completely even though the last trace of them faded months ago. You keep these letters a secret, even from Sunoo and Kazuha, who would never let you live down such woebegone, down bad behavior.

You do it because it feels good, getting all of your feelings out on paper. You’re a romantic at heart, so you’re prone to over-exaggeration when it comes to things like these—but everything that you write remains based in truth. You’d started with a postcard of your hometown, jokingly writing, Don’t forget where you came from. How is it over there? and he’d actually replied with a postcard of his own, filling it from top to bottom. You easily went from these small postcards to multiple pages of stream-of-consciousness-like writing. You think it’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done—although you’re not sure he feels the same way, considering he still writes to the German pen pal Ms. Schumacher had assigned him in your first year of high school. No one else’s correspondence had lasted more than four months because she’d immediately forgotten to make sure you kept in touch regularly.

I ran into Jake Sim at the city library, you write one day. You’ve replied to everything in his latest letter, so you’re now catching him up on your recent adventures. He was checking out some books about Linguistics, of all things—he bought me bubble tea afterwards and told me that the injury he got last April was actually a relief. Did you know his father was a big name in soccer here? Apparently, he never wanted to be a soccer player that badly, and he wants to do Linguistics and Social Anthropology, who would’ve guessed it. He’s like Troy Bolton if High School Musical was about Humanities and not singing. Anyways, you probably don’t want me to go on and on about him, so I won’t, but we did talk about that fight you guys had back in December. He apologized for it, to you and me both, although he didn’t go into much detail — Sunoo is still the only one who’s had the balls to tell me exactly what happened, and he wasn’t even there! — and I was reticent at first, but he seemed genuine. He said he didn’t even hang out with Sunghoon or Yunjin or any of those people anymore, that it was only out of convenience really, and that he hopes starting university will be like turning over a new leaf. Well, he could be full of shit, who knows. As I sat there listening to him I wondered what it was I used to see in him. He’s nice enough, but we only spoke about him for the entire hour. He asked me no questions that weren’t “and you?” so it was a bit exhausting.

But it got me thinking about your fight again. Reflecting on it now, I can say that it was a turning point for me in my perception of you.

You look at your words, smiling to yourself—this is one of the times where you find yourself erring from the topic at hand, instead indulging in sappiness and nostalgia. You write about how your opinion of Jongseong has changed over these months, how it wasn’t seeing him as your husband in all those years that had really shaken things up, but rather that day in the nurse’s station, the frightening colors around his eye, his attitude like it was natural that he would get hurt like this for you. You write, Have I been wrong about you this whole time? I thought you harbored the same negative feelings towards me as I had you since the moment you’d laid eyes on me, but all of a sudden, here you were, bloody, bandaged hand holding mine. Even with your busted eye, you looked like an angel next to all that white in the nurse’s station. I’ll never forget your words that day. Would you really not get hurt for anything else, Jong?

“I’m going to the Post Office for a package soon, Y/N. Are you done with your letter?” your mom calls from the staircase landing.

“Give me five minutes!” you call back.

You forage through your drawer for a new sheet of paper and re-write your letter, making sure to leave any compromising parts out and fold both letters into neat squares—one that will cross the seas and reach Jongseong, one that will live out its days in the darkness of your crowded drawer. You’ve run out of envelopes, so you go look for one in your parents’ office. Your mom calls out your name again, impatient to leave — if she sends her package off before twelve p.m., it will get to the receiver tomorrow, and she’s hell-bent on getting perfect five-star Vinted reviews — so you hurriedly put your letter in the envelope, close it, stamp it, and write Jongseong’s name and address on the back. The other letter you absent-mindedly throw in your drawer with the dozens of other letters in which you’d crossed the line.

A few weeks later, like an apparition, Jongseong stands before you again.

He’s tanner from months under the Washington sun, from afternoons spent at his family’s lake house, on their boat. His hair is slightly shorter and suits him even better; you don’t recognize any of the clothes he wears. He grumbles as his mother goes back-and-forth between hugging him, staring at him worriedly and reminding him to call at least twice a week while his father unpacks the trunk. “I’ll only be a thirty-minute train ride away, Mom,” he says.

He’s still Jong.

You moved in yesterday, and you’re now waiting for your new roommate, who, after five minutes of deliberating whether she should bring a jacket or not and finally decided against it, changed her mind the minute she stepped outside.

It’s been two months since you last saw him. Shortly after sending your letter, you’d gone to stay with Sunoo’s grandparents for a week, just a day before he was set to come back from Seattle. Amid packing and other preparations, you haven’t had time to see each other. Is it okay if I respond to your letter in person? I think I’ll be too busy these two coming weeks, he texted you. You replied that it wasn’t a problem, you told him which dorm you’d been assigned and found out his was the one next door.

When he notices you staring, he does a double-take. You wave at him, and even from this distance, you see the blush that creeps up his neck and takes over his face as he shyly waves back. You’ve never seen him like this—he’s always been either arrogant or friendly, never… flustered. He makes a motion as if to say, I’ll text you, and heads inside the building with his parents and all of his luggage.

Indeed, he texts you some hours later while you’re sharing a piece of strawberry and matcha cake with your roommate Liz, whom you find out is half-German—Jongseong and your dad would probably love her for that simple fact. Some of the first things she’d asked you were what your astrological signs were and whether you wanted her to pull tarot cards for you when she was all done setting up her side of the room. Between that and her dyed blonde hair, you’d felt comfortable telling her all about Jongseong, the well and your dream. Unlike your skeptical and sarcastic friends, she’d nodded along to your every word, a serious expression on her face. “A sign from the universe,” she’d called it, and she gasped in excitement when his name appeared on your screen.

He sends you a link to a freshers’ week event, some potted plant sale happening on the main campus square, and asks if you’re free to go with him tomorrow. I need something to liven up that depressing room, he writes.

So that’s how you find yourselves among green plants of all shapes and sizes, searching for one that’s both low-maintenance and appealing to the eye. You’re glad that you have something to actually do—if you were just sitting at a café and having a conversation, you’re not sure you’d be able to stand the awkwardness. You’d chalked up his behavior on the day of his move-in to nerves, or to surprise upon seeing you so unexpectedly. But apparently, it wasn’t a one-time thing. He keeps clearing his throat as if he were sick with some cold, won’t look into your eyes for more than split seconds at a time, and in complete opposition to his usual confident, deliberate speech, talks in a quick and disorderly manner. And he’s either really caught a cold, or his ears have just permanently turned red. You ask him if something’s wrong a couple times, but he violently shakes his head, says, “No, what could be wrong?” then looks at you as if you might tell him what’s wrong.

When you’re alone again, you wonder what on earth could have happened over the summer that could make him change his behavior with you so radically. Did something happen in Seattle? Maybe he met someone there and doesn’t know how to tell you. Maybe you went overboard with your letters, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, he wants to let you down easy but doesn’t know how to tell you. Or maybe—maybe you got impossibly pretty during those two months, and absence does make the heart grow fonder, as they say, and every thought you have about him, he has about you, but he doesn’t know how to tell you.

In any case, he’s hiding something.

The theory that he might want to stop being friends soon falls flat—the invitations to other freshers’ events keep coming, be it free wine & pizza taster sessions from the Wine Society, karaoke nights with the Taylor Swift Society or a shark movie marathon with the Bad Film Society, and he never turns you down when you tell him there’s something you want to visit in this new city of yours, even when the thing you want to visit in question is a bakery you have to queue in front of at seven a.m. if you want to get a pain au chocolat. In your defense, they turn out to be the best ones you and Jongseong have ever tried—although, to be fair, neither of you has been to France.

Things progressively return to normal. He’s able to make eye contact for more than three seconds again, he listens carefully and laughs along when you tell him about your week by the sea with Sunoo, he fills you in on what Heeseung’s been up to. One thing remains different, however—when you throw quips at him, he usually would’ve delighted in coming up with a better, wittier response, but now, he’ll roll his eyes at best, look at you amusedly and stay silent at worst. “Won’t you even entertain me?” you ask him once, to which he replies that you’re doing a good job entertaining yourself as is.

Instead, he becomes more earnest. As per usual you badger him with questions like Aren’t I so pretty right now? or Isn’t my outfit so cute today? to get a reaction out of him, and if during your high school days he’d either fake a puking sound or look you up and down and grumble I guess, he now smiles and simply says Yes, you are, Yes, it is. It seems impossible to keep track of his attitude: one day, he’s one thing, the next, he’s another person entirely.

It annoys you. You take his changing demeanor to mean that now that he’s a college student, he won’t indulge in your childish squabbles anymore, as though he was above all of that now, when just three months ago he was stalking your parents’ Facebooks to find unfavorable photos of you from when you were thirteen and using them as reaction pictures in your friends’ group chat. You think of your graduation day, of the box he’d given you, all done up in wrapper paper and a bow—he had filled it with every eraser he’d stolen from you over the years, he’d even gone so far as to date every single one of them, from the second of October freshman year to the twenty-eighth of November of your senior year. You didn’t count them, but there had to be at least a hundred. At the time, you’d just thought it was funny—but what if the gesture had meant something deeper than you’d realized? What if he was marking the end of something with that box? No more playing around, we’re adults now. But classes have barely started, you don’t know your way to the off-campus library, you aren’t a different person to who you were just weeks or even months earlier. Why is he acting like he is? You look at him, and you see the boy whose fault it was you had to buy a new eraser every week—who knows how many books you could’ve bought with that money. But when he turns to look at you, too, and your eyes meet, you’re suddenly assailed with the memories of that night, the kind eyes, the soft smile.

Does his future capacity to love me already exist in his heart?

Your heartbeat speeds up and you have to look away.

From your letters, it seems to be much hotter back home than in Seattle—you talk of sunburns, of afternoons spent inside with the fan on maximum speed, of ice melting instantly and watering down your Coke Zeros, whereas Jay can walk around the city pleasantly and needs to bring a jacket if he’ll be out until late after sundown. And yet, as he reads your latest letter, his skin prickles feverishly, from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He’d excitedly torn the envelope open the second it arrived in the mail, heart thumping as he counted the pages, at least three more than usual — he was always happy that you wanted to talk to him at all, so the fact that you had this much to tell him sent him over the moon — but he would have never expected what was awaiting him inside.

With a smile on his face, he read your replies to the questions he’d asked you last time, your reactions to everything he told you about, the live Mariners game, the lake house, the rides on the boat. He imagined you as you sat at your desk in your room he’d only seen once, when you’d held a small party for your birthday and he, having arrived first, was honored with a tour of your house. He imagined your smile, the way you played with your hair when you focused on something, wondered whether you pondered every word before you wrote it down as he did or whether you poured your thoughts out onto the page without hesitation. His smile faltered when Jake Sim’s name appeared in your neat handwriting, but he was relieved to find out your description of him now was miles away from the one at the start of the school year.

Then you start writing about him. Him, Park Jongseong, and your words startle him so much, it’s like he’d forgotten he was the recipient of this letter in the first place.

But it got me thinking about your fight again. Reflecting on it now, I can say that it was a turning point for me in my perception of you.

He’s been lying comfortably in his bed, but he sits up the moment his eyes take in these words. If there is one topic the two of you have practically never broached, it’s this exactly: your relationship, the changes it’s gone through this past year. Except for a few mentions made in jest here and there, you’ve always conveniently ignored the fact that not so long ago, you were at each other’s throats. At least, you were at his throat, and Jay let you be, let you think the hatred went both ways, when in reality all he wanted was to keep you close one way or another. To him, anything was better than indifference.

But here you are, writing about how you feel about him, not in hints, not in jokes, but actually telling him black and white what goes through your head when you think of him—in other words, everything he’s been dying to know ever since he met you and especially ever since you started warming up to him a few months ago.

I have never told you about that night because I know it’ll just be more fodder for you to endlessly tease me, and I haven’t even mentioned it in these letters that I write and don’t send. Sometimes I debate the ethics of it—if I know something about our futures, isn’t it right that you know, too? But then again, I still hesitate whether what happened was real or not. As with anything, the more time passes, the more I forget about it. What kind of cheese you’d put on the pasta, the movie that played in the background, whether the stairs were carpeted or wooded—these details have evaded me by now. All I clearly remember is your face and how I felt, seeing it then, seeing it the next day at school, ten years younger, the same exact person in what felt like a different universe. As much as I tried to deny it, I know now that it was no coincidence—I was talking about it with Sunoo and he said that sometimes, we want something so badly, we conjure it up for ourselves. He’s not always a dimwit. And he’s right, the kind of love I felt from you in that dream — or not-dream — I’ve yearned for it ever since I first watched Pride & Prejudice, the 2005 film to be precise, when I was ten. But with you? That was what I couldn’t believe at first. I don’t think I need to explain why—you were there, I think you knew how I felt about you for over three years, it’s not like I tried to hide it.

Then you turned up and the sight of you was enough to bring back all the feelings from that dream. You must’ve wondered why my behavior with you switched so suddenly—well, a glimpse into marital bliss is sometimes enough for a girl to make some changes in her life. Yet I valiantly tried to convince myself that any flutter of my heart around you was due to this stupid dream, to a version of you my brain had conjured up because it was starved for affection, and you happened to be at the forefront of my mind, even if not for the right reasons. But it was no use. I had entertained the possibility that this future was really mine, and I couldn’t go back to seeing you as the boy who annoyed the living daylights out of me.

But Jong, if you weren’t you, I would’ve been confused for a week and then I would’ve gotten over it. I stayed confused for a while, and everything you did only served to confuse me further. I started to notice you more, to see you for who you were and not for the idea I had constructed of you in my head, I stopped taking note of only the things that reinforced this idea. And that changed everything.

Let’s get it out of the way: as much as I hate to admit it because it proves you right, I saw that you are indeed devastatingly handsome. It devastates me every time I have to look at that stupid, wonderful face of yours. And if aging is something you’re worried about, don’t be. I’ve seen you at 28, and let’s just say that your jaw somehow only gets more chiseled. I’ve realized that you don’t just participate in class to be a prick — except for when you contradict me in Literature, I know you only do that to piss me off, and yes, it works — but that you actually care about what we learn and that you don’t want the teacher to feel like they’re talking to a classroom full of students made out of bricks. I’ve also realized that you didn’t specifically pick German to be the one subject where you must beat me at all costs, you just actually really like German, even if I’m still undetermined as to why. And I can finally admit to myself—you are funny. Sometimes. There were so many times I had to stop myself from laughing at one of your idiotic puns because I could not bear to give you the satisfaction. That feeling when the worst person you know makes a funny joke, and all that. And as much as I’ve mocked you for it, I do actually like your laugh. I like that you’re only loud when you laugh, or sneeze, or get excited over something. You don’t scream, you don’t get angry, and I think that’s a lot for a boy fresh out of puberty. Or for any boy, really.

But above all, you’re kind, Jong. I think it’s the best thing about you. I think it’s the best thing anyone can be. I see it in your patience with Heeseung when he starts one of his rants better reserved for Reddit than real life, I see it in the way you took Sunoo and Kazuha in stride, even though they’re a bit rough around the edges sometimes, I see it in the way you guide the freshmen at the start of every year, when all anyone does is complain about them, I see it in the gentleness with which you let down the girls who confess to you, even the more persistent ones. I used to think they were crazy, but I understand them more than ever now. I also used to think that all those kindnesses meant that the ones you occasionally showed me meant nothing more than that—occasional kindnesses. You were just a nice guy, occasionally so to me. But you sort of ratted yourself out when you gave me those twenty chocolates for Valentine’s.

Or, really, what made things clearer was that fight in December. I guess I was wrong—you do get angry. I remember a thought I had at the time: just when I think I know you, you do something to shake it all up. You punched two of the star soccer players of our school in the face because they said some mean, unimportant things about me. Thinking about it now, I still don’t understand it. Was it another one of your acts of kindness?

And then I thought of those other times you helped me out. Do you remember them—the art project, the handwritten notes after my grandma passed away, you tearing Park Sunghoon a new one in the girls’ bathroom. I’m sure there are many more that I’ve dismissed simply because I did not want to see you in any other light than the one I’d decided to shine on you.

Maybe I’m rewriting the past here, but I’ve been thinking about something lately. The theme today seems to be honesty, so I’ll lay myself bare and tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet, not even myself. The more I write, the more I become aware of its truth. I like you, Jong. I think I have for a long time, longer than either of us thinks. Maybe that’s why I kept buying erasers.

I don’t have the best memory — I suspect iron deficiency, it runs in my mom’s side of the family — but I do remember this. The first time I saw you. I haven’t noticed your face changing in real time, but I’m sure I’d laugh at how much of a baby you looked back then. Although I didn’t fare much better, I’m sure. Well, you’re the one that has all these embarrassing pictures of me, you freak, so I’m sure you could tell me. Moving on…

I found you really cute. You were chatting to the person next to you, maybe it was Heeseung, I didn’t look properly—I only looked at you. Don’t laugh at me. It was the first day of high school, there was a nervous energy in the air, but you seemed happy to be there. You know I don’t have hordes of friends like you do, I don’t walk through life with people naturally gravitating towards me. I’m okay with it now, but it was something I struggled with back then. Kazuha, Sunoo and I have had each other since our elementary days, and I never needed more than that—but fifteen is the prime age for comparison, and as the weeks passed and we got used to being high schoolers, I listened to everyone sing your praises, I watched as you talked with all of our classmates, even our teachers, like you were old friends. But we sat next to each other in a couple of classes, and you wouldn't talk to me outside of partnered work. I, who wanted to be easily charmed by you like everyone else was, who thought maybe you’d help me come out of my shell. But it felt like sitting next to me was torture to you, like the boy whom I watched speak with ease to everyone else disappeared when I was around. And so — and I’m not proud of this — every smart remark in class, every joke that had the entire class roaring, every high five you gave out in the hallway, I started to despise them. And by association, I started to despise you. After that, it was easy to find fault in everything you did, my contempt was only enhanced by everyone’s admiration. But I’m not alone here. It went both ways, didn’t it? I don’t think you liked that I didn’t like you and openly showed it, so used to being everyone’s favorite person you were. I remember how you showily tried to be nice to me after that, maybe you just wanted another friend, but I didn’t let you. I don’t blame us for how we acted, only for taking so long to get our heads out of our asses.

(I have to say, I also have a thing for hating people. Remind me to tell you about Na Jaemin and Shin Ryujin one of these days.)

Anyways, I think it’s because I had liked you so much at first that I could then seemingly hate you so much. But I never hated you, Jong, not really. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. Can I take it all back now?

Now that we’re entering university soon, I can’t help but look back on high school. This is what I want to know, but I’m not sure I’ll ever have the courage to ask you, because if your answer is the one I suspect, I don’t know how I’ll handle all the regret in my heart.

Have I been wrong about you this whole time? I thought you harbored the same negative feelings towards me as I had you since the moment you’d laid eyes on me, but all of a sudden, here you were, bloody, bandaged hand holding mine. Even with your busted eye, you looked like an angel next to all that white in the nurse’s station. I’ll never forget your words that day. Would you really not get hurt for anything else, Jong?

Your letter abruptly ends here, no concluding remarks, no wishing him a fun time in Seattle and looking forward to his next letter, no sign-off. It was as if someone cut you off before you could say everything you wanted, but then why send him this seemingly unfinished letter? It is all the more bizarre since your letters are usually meticulous: you write on every other line, it looks like you take your time with every single letter, the only disturbance in your otherwise perfect handwriting is your going back-and-forth between cursive and script s’s. But this particular letter looks rushed, your lines are sloppy, some words need to be read a few times over to be understood. What kind of state had you been in, writing these words? Jay’s heart swells, thinking that you were as moved writing as he was reading. He even looks through your letter again, wishing to find a tear stain somewhere, but there are none. Maybe he’s been watching too many of these romantic period dramas you always go on about.

He has to pace his room when he’s done reading your letter, but he feels trapped inside these four walls, so he dashes outside, saying that he’s getting some air when his relatives ask him where he’s off to in such a rush, and walks around the block five times. When he’s back in his room, he rereads your letter, eyes taking in each and every word slowly and carefully, making sure he doesn’t misread anything.

You like him. You, Y/N, like him, Jongseong, it’s a fact, it’s real, you said so yourself, you went into quite some detail about it, he can’t believe it, but it’s real, it’s written right there on the page, if anyone dares tell him he’s fooling himself, he can prove them wrong, you’re the one who said it.

The smile doesn’t leave his lips for the rest of the day, he can barely eat, he’s already full of happiness. He reads your words over and over before falling asleep, committing them to memory, dreaming about them, about you.

You. How should he respond to this? Are you even expecting a response? You seem to know he’s not impartial to you, either, although that’s an understatement.

In the following days, the thought that you hadn’t meant to send him this letter nags at him. The abrupt ending, the absence of your usual Love, Y/N. The fact that this had come out of left field—none of your previous letters had even a romantic undertone, no matter how he tried in his own to hint at his missing you, the most reference to seeing each other again you would give him was It’ll be better to show you this in real life. The act of sending letters itself didn’t feel very platonic, but you never went there, so he didn’t, either. He had secretly yearned to have you this close all these years, he would never forgive himself if he ended up chasing you away now with his over-eagerness.

You had landed on something very real in your letter: I don’t think you liked that I didn’t like you and openly showed it, so used to being everyone’s favorite person you were. I remember how you showily tried to be nice to me after that, maybe you just wanted another friend, but I didn’t let you. He cursed his fifteen-year-old self, that idiot who couldn’t even speak to a girl no matter how much he wanted to, just because she was so pretty, he was afraid of saying something stupid and messing it up before it even had a chance to start.

On days when you’d had particularly nasty or petty arguments — it could get pretty bad, at the start, before you both started maturing and realized how ridiculous you were, especially with your classmates telling you to keep it classy — he’d stay up all night, wondering why you hated him so much in the first place, what on Earth he could’ve done to warrant such vitriol. Now, finally, he knew, and he could only resent the fact that no one had invented time machines yet, so he could nip his useless ego in the bud; so he could tell younger Jay not to take it personally, that you had your reasons for disliking him, that even if you hadn’t, the world won’t end if someone doesn’t like him like everyone usually does.

Because, he hates to admit, that was what had done it for Jay. He couldn’t stand that someone — not just someone, but one of the prettiest girls he’d ever seen, a girl he’d been hyping himself up to talk to every day, but never found the courage to — didn’t immediately fall for his charms. And not just that, but even showed just how much she disliked him. You looked him up-and-down with disdain, made disgusted faces at his jokes, rolled your eyes when he spoke up in class. It made him burn with anger, but he also weirdly enjoyed it—at least, you were paying attention to him. So, he amped it up. Talked louder, laughed louder, hovered around you. He even stole your erasers, wrote the date on which he’d taken them, kept them in a box on his desk that he looked at every time he studied at home. He aimed to beat you in every class you shared, even though neither of you cared that much about grades—the annoyed look on your face when he boasted about the two points he’d gotten over you was enough satisfaction.

All in all, he behaved like a child, and you reciprocated in like.

Until you didn’t.

It was a random Tuesday when something in your attitude towards him shifted. It wasn’t a complete 180, but he noticed everything about you, so even a slight change of your tone was obvious to him. You started using your nickname for him more often than his full name—he never told you, but of course he loved that you didn’t call him Jay like everyone else, that you had your own way of addressing him. It was a sign to him that the two of you had something special, even if it was on the opposite end of the spectrum of what he wanted with you.

He again spent sleepless nights wondering what had caused this change: was it something he had done, or something within you? It was a welcome change, that much was sure, but he was initially too confused to take it in stride. He’d long made peace with the fact that he’d never have you the way he really wanted, so he was fine with whatever this was—but now, you were changing, your interactions were tinged with something like shyness, the distance between you felt greater than ever. He tried to keep up his smart-ass appearances around you, but you only indulged in your old habits once in a while, as though you had grown tired of arguing with him, even of giving him the time of day.

So he resolved himself to adapting his behavior to yours. If you stared at him intently like his face was a puzzle you were trying to solve, he let you, rested his head on his palm and smiled as he stared back at you. Finally, he had an excuse to look at you without you threatening to punch him or saying a picture would last longer. He knew they did, he’d had to resort to scrolling through Sunoo’s and Kazuha’s Instagrams to find any photos of you. Yours was private and at the time, you would’ve probably cursed him out if he’d sent a follow request. If you seemed too annoyed or upset over something, he’d leave you alone, he’d do something nice to let you know you didn’t need to have your guards up at all times around him. If you seemed to silently call for a truce of hostilities, he easily complied.

Then, after a few weeks, your petty arguments resumed, but those too were different—if before they felt filled with real disdain and irritation, they now seemed to be a comfortable habit to fall back on, almost like a fun hobby. Those, too, Jay readily welcomed.

And so things changed in a direction Jay had never thought would one day be possible. You gave him no explanations, nor did he ask for any, and soon he stopped losing sleep over the why’s and the how’s and simply let himself enjoy the fact that you now had the semblance of a friendship, that he could compliment you and pass it off as amical teasing, that he could learn things about you like what you spent your weekends doing, what your relationship with your family was like, whether you were a dog or cat person, whether you wanted to visit his farm in Stardew Valley.

Unsurprisingly, this only enhanced his already pathetically strong feelings for you. He worried over how to make sure this wasn’t some sort of 30-day friendship trial you had wanted to test out. He reveled in the fact that his top university of choice was the one you had already been accepted to. He now knew what it felt like to have you smile at him, smile because of him, and he never wanted again to live in a world where this was not a daily occurrence.

He now sort of has an answer—your letter doesn’t make it very clear, it makes him think again that you really had not meant to send it, but you seem to have had a dream. A dream of him, 28-year-old him, to be precise, of your life together—he’s not sure. At this point in time, he doesn’t care much, either. Whether it was a dream or a real vision of the future that you had, all that matters is that it allowed you to see him in a new light, a light which he had hoped for years would one day appear to you, and it had changed things. And now, you liked him.

You said so yourself.

He’s at a loss for words. He can’t concentrate for long enough to put all his thoughts in order, he can’t make himself calm down and write his feelings down. He has to pack to go home, once he’s home, he’ll have to pack for university. But it’s only two weeks from now to the day you meet again, and it’ll be better to say what he wants to say in person, anyway.

Is it okay if I respond to your letter in person? I think I’ll be too busy these two coming weeks, he texts you.

And then those two weeks pass like two seconds and you’re there, a few meters away from him. All the speeches he’d prepared in his head, from grand declarations of love to laid-back admittances of Yeah, I like you too, you’re cool, I guess, they all vanish from his head. For fourteen days he’s been going through scenarios upon scenarios of your reunion, what you’d look like, what he’d say, how you’d react. But now that he can actually see you, now that he would just have to walk a few steps if he wanted to touch you, hug you, kiss you — hoping that was something you wanted to do — he freezes. He forgets how his body works, the part in his brain that’s meant to manage language ability fails him. HIs mom calls him over, urging him into his new dorm building, and all he can do is wave back at you like an idiot.

When finally he musters the courage to text you, what he hopes will be the day that starts your romantic relationship turns into the day Park Jongseong realizes how much of a loser he is. For the first hour, he can’t look at you, he can’t get through a sentence without stuttering out half of his words, he runs out of things to say in record time. All he can think of is how easy it’d be to grab one of your hands, hold it in his and walk around this stupid potted plant sale as if the two of you were two halves of a whole. He doesn’t even want a potted plant, his roommate already has five, he just wanted an excuse to see you. He steals glances at you when you’re looking elsewhere, and he notices everything about you tenfold now that he can, now that caring about you doesn’t need to be in vain any longer. He tells himself that he just needs to calm down a bit, even when you have the confirmation that the person you’re about to confess to already likes you, revealing your feelings to someone is always nerve-wracking, the two of you haven’t seen in each other in a while, he’ll talk to you once his heart gets out of his throat.

But you’re acting normal. Suspiciously so. You’re acting like you never told him you liked him, like nothing has changed between you. He rereads your letter the second he gets back to his dorm. He’s not crazy, it’s written right there, I like you, Jong. I think I have for a long time, longer than either of us thinks. He knows the words by heart now, but he checks them anyway. So why are you acting like you never said anything? Had you really not meant to send that letter? Did Jay actually intrude on your private thoughts by reading words that had never meant to be seen by another soul?

You continue to behave as you usually would around him, but if he couldn’t go back to vicious bickering when things changed the first time, he can’t go back to friendly bickering now that things — for him — have changed a second time. He doesn’t even want friendly to be in your shared vocabulary anymore.

So he stops giving in. If you make fun of him, he just stands there with an unimpressed if amused look on his face. If you pedantically correct him on something, he just nods his head and accepts it. He can tell you’re bothered by it, but he needs to show you that he doesn’t want to go on being just friends with you—he wants to compliment you without having to pass it off as teasing, he wants to stare at you with hearts in his eyes without having to look away when you catch him, he wants to spend every waking second of every day with you, he wants to hold your hand, hold you.

He could wait for things to change slowly again, but why wait when he could help things along?

It’s nine p.m. on a Saturday and you’re sneaking Jongseong into your dorm. Liz is away for the weekend, gone back home to celebrate her aunt’s birthday, so you have the room to yourselves. It took some convincing to get him to come — What if we get caught coming in, What if your T.A. sees us, What if I get reported to campus police — and so when your verbal reassurances failed to work, you resorted to blinking up at him through your lashes and that did the trick.

Jongseong was in many ways unlike any other man you’d ever met; in some other ways, he was the exact same.

Plastic bag of the tteokbokki you’d asked for in hand, he looks around the deserted hallways like someone might jump out of nowhere and beat him to a pulp at any given moment. At this time of the week, everyone’s out partying or holed up in their dorms, presumably either to rest or because of a lack of friends so early on in the semester. You grab his free hand and hurry him along to the elevator—once inside, it takes you a few seconds before you realize you’re still holding it, and you retract your hand quickly while he just smiles.

You settle yourselves on the floor—comfort is not worth getting gochujang sauce on your white sheets. You sit criss-cross in front of each other, the food between the two of you, and catch up on your first week of class in-between bites of spicy, gooey rice cakes and fish cakes. You wonder, if one day you and Jongseong are no longer friends, how long you will keep associating tteokbokki with him.

When you tell him that you and Jake share a class, Introduction to Film Studies, he gives you a look. “What’s that face for?” you ask.

“Did you guys sit next to each other?”

You chuckle. “Of course. We only knew each other in that room, it would’ve been weird not to.”

He continues to stare at you. After a while, he muses, “You’re not…?”

You halt in your tracks, rice cake at the end of your plastic fork hanging in the air, halfway between the container and your mouth. “Whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no.” Still in love with him, interested in him again, you don’t know the exact details of Jongseong’s thought process, all you know is he has nothing to worry about—if it’s something he worries about.

When a smile slowly grows on his lips and he nods, saying, “Okay, good,” you let yourself think it might be.

Later, you’re ten minutes into a senseless blockbuster movie when he suddenly pauses it. It snaps you out of a trance—his hand was awfully close to yours, so is his shoulder, his thigh, his knee, everything, really, and you haven’t been able to concentrate on anything but the warmth radiating off his skin and the intensity with which you crave to feel it intentionally rather than accidentally. When he speaks, there’s something serious in his tone that makes you nervous. “Y/N,” he says as he turns to you, and now his face is awfully close, too. There’s still many centimeters separating you, but in this tiny, barely lit-up room, he feels closer than ever before. “Do you remember when I said I’d reply to your letter in real life?”

You tilt your head. “Yeah, that was ages ago.”

“Well, I thought I’d do it now.”

“Now?”

He takes a deep, shaky breath. “Now.”

And then those safe centimeters suddenly disappear, and Jongseong’s lips are on yours. It’s a brief, chaste kiss, so quick you wonder if it even happened when he leans back again.

“I like you, too,” he says, and your heart stops.

“W-what?” is all you can say back, eyes wide like he’s just admitted to killing someone rather than reciprocating your feelings.

His confident facade quickly crumbles. “God, this was so much cooler in my head, I-I’m sorry.” He pulls something out of his sweatpants pocket, pages folded over and over into a tiny square. As he unfolds them, you recognize your paper, your handwriting—but what do your letters have anything to do with him kissing you, of all things? “I don’t think you meant to send this. But I’m glad you did.”

He hands you the pages and your eyes skim over the words, not detecting anything out of the ordinary, until—But it got me thinking about your fight again. Reflecting on it now, I can say that it was a turning point for me in my perception of you. You remember this line, because you had made sure to strike it and everything that came afterward out when you rewrote the letter that you would actually send Jongseong. So how was he giving you this?

“I-How do you have this?” you ask, voice trembling. You feel as though your heart overflows with all kinds of emotions, and so your eyes follow, tears staining your lower lashes.

But Jongseong is not one to let you hide things from him. “Hey, no, it’s okay,” he says, warm hands coming to cup your face. “Look at me.” You have no choice but to oblige—his gaze is somehow both soft and stern, a mix of concern and determination. “Did you mean what you wrote in here?” You nod. “Then everything’s okay. You don’t know how happy I was reading this.”

The tension in your body slowly starts to fade. “Really?”

“Really. I cherish every single word in there.”

“Really?” you repeat, and he chuckles.

“Really.”

Your heartbeat speeds up as you gaze into his eyes, as you let yourself bask in the affection and endearment you find there. You can’t quite comprehend what’s happening. The letter, the kiss, his confession, your inadvertent confession, it’s all a mess in your head; so sudden, but such a long time coming at the same time. You never imagined that things would change so quickly—less than a year ago, you thought Jongseong was the most irritating person on this planet. After meeting his 28-year-old self, you thought it’d take ages for the two of you to be on such good terms. But now, just a week into your first semester of university, belly full of tteokbokki and Sprite, you like each other enough not only to be in the same room without hurling insults at each other but to actually be smiling at each other, willingly at that.

Your eyes drift down to his lips, just like in the hallway all those months ago, and the words slip out before you can stop them. They’re a mere whisper—”Kiss me again.”

Jongseong doesn’t need to be told twice. Still cupping your face, he bridges the gap between the two of you again, and this time, when your lips meet, they don’t come apart so quickly. It’s your first kiss, and it’s nothing short of magical, better than any romance novel could’ve prepared you for. His lips are warm and soft against yours, moving slowly, gingerly; as if he’s scared to take any wrong step, he lets you control the pace, follows every tilt of your head this way and that. It’s a relief that he seems to know as little about this as you do—his hands haven’t moved from your face, yours are on his knees, all you can do is focus on the movement of your lips, to think of anything else at the same time would be overwhelming.

“I’ve liked you from the start,” he suddenly says, face still so close you can feel his breath on your lips as he speaks.

“Hm?” you hum, body reeling from the kiss.

“I’ve liked you from the start,” he repeats, grinning—he looks relieved, like he’s been waiting to say these words for a long time. “I can’t believe this is happening after all these years. Or at all, really.”

“I think I did, too.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that in your letter.”

Your eyes widen and you bury your face in your hands as Jongseong laughs. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” you mumble.

He smooths over your hair with one hand, brings your face back up with the other. “Don’t worry. I won’t ever make you regret this.”

Your brain and heart are too all over the place for you to come up with a coherent answer, so you lean in and reconnect your lips to his. It’s already becoming your favorite sensation, feeling him smile into the kiss, threading your fingers in his soft hair.

Time passes delicately like this, the two of you on your single bed, in the sheets that you bought three weeks ago. A lot of it is spent kissing and learning how to fall into each other’s rhythm, but you also spend hours talking, comparing situations and how you’d experienced them. You thought his occasional acts of kindness were done out of guilt, evidence that he did have some morals; he was trying to show he cared about you. He thought you’d despised him from the moment you saw him; you reiterate in more detail than your letter what really happened, you say you wish you knew then what you know now.

“But I never hated you, Jong. I think I wanted to believe that I did, but I never actually did.”

“You glared at me everytime I walked past like I killed a member of your family.”

You groan, ashamed of yourself. “I did, didn’t I?”

“You did,” he says, chuckling, placing a kiss on your forehead. His arms are around you, your head rests atop his heart—you’ve never felt more comfortable in your life. “But it’s okay. We’re here now, and I don’t want us to have any regrets about high school. We had a good time, didn’t we?”

You tilt your head up to look at him. “I’m sure you did, stealing all my erasers.”

He lets out a hearty laugh. Clearly, he’s very proud of his feat. “Hey, I gave all of them back.”

“And what am I going to do with a hundred erasers, Jong?” you ask, laughing too, pecking his cheek aggressively—your way of punishing him for a grave deed.

“Keep them as a token of my love for you,” he says, and your breath falters at the mention of that word. “In fifty years, it’ll be a sign that I’ve liked you since the beginning, I just had a funny way of showing it.”

“Fifty years, huh?”

He grins. “Fifty, a hundred, whatever. You’re not getting rid of me.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

You’re both smiling so wide, you can barely manage a kiss. He trails kisses from your lips to your ear. Holding you close, he whispers, “It’s always been you, Y/N. Always and only you.”

There may be thorns on the otherwise immaculate rose that is your life, but Park Jongseong was never one of them—all along, he was a bud waiting to bloom.

The more time passes, the more you wonder whether that night you had seen in your vision will ever come. There’s been evenings similar to it—crashing the minute you came home from a long day on set, telling yourself you’d take a fifteen-minute power nap only to wake up three hours later and coming downstairs to find your husband cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, taking care of your son or simply watching TV, but waiting for you, always waiting for you. He seems as happy now watching you come down the stairs as he was then finding your face among all the students flocking out of lecture halls.

The details are blurry now, but many small things seem to be different from what you’d seen. He still tries to recreate your favorite meal, but it’s not pasta all'arrabbiata, it’s laksa, because your first date as an official couple was to a Malaysian restaurant, not an Italian one. He’s still the best father you know, but you have one son, not twin girls—although that offer to “give him a younger sibling to play with” is always on the table. Even the house you live in is different from the one in your dream, which has now become nothing more than a funny anecdote you share with people when they ask you the story of how you and Jongseong met.

You think of Sunoo’s words from all those years ago: Sometimes, we want something so badly, we conjure it up for ourselves. Had 18-year-old you been in such denial over her feelings for Jongseong that she’d had to convince herself a magical well had bestowed a crazy dream upon her to admit that, yes, there was something there, something other than childish hatred?

It doesn’t matter anymore. Months pass without you thinking about that well, anyway.

Tonight, you come home late from work after having had to do last-minute changes to the script for your current project, a movie that starts shooting in a few days. Jongseong texted you that he was going to bed an hour or so again, so you’re greeted by a plate of japchae covered in film paper. The post-it note stuck to it reads, I’m afraid of the repercussions of too much curry consumption on our son, so no laksa tonight my love. Hope you like it. Come to bed quick. You were starving a second ago, but you decide food can wait—other things can’t.

You tiptoe up the stairs and into your son’s room, breathing in the scent of his hair and placing a kiss there. His hair is still worryingly sparse, but if he’s anything like his dad, it’ll come in a bit later than the other kids. You always thought babies with a full head of hair were freaky, anyway. He doesn’t budge a bit, sleeping like a log—his dad is another story, shuffling in bed the moment you step into your shared bedroom. He opens his arms wide, a silent invitation.

“You’re home,” he says as you attach yourself to his body, your leg hiked up over his, your face buried in the crook of his neck, your thumb caressing the start of stubble on his cheeks.

You smile. “I am.”

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