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dogbunni · 1 month ago

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shut up. saiki k tumblrverse

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🍤shrimptextures reblogged

😊justnormalguythings Follow

#I LOOKED IT UP AND 69% IS THE AVERAGE SCORE IM SO MAD

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💟yuri2k reblogged

🗿nenjoriki Follow

ii. Jsshj; nsjsks)hæj

💟yuri2k

go off king!!!

#nendo did u fall asleep scrolling tumblr again #<- last time he did that he reblogged the same post 27 times in a row <3 #one time he fell asleep scrolling tiktok and posted a clip of him snoring lmfaoooooooo #real life #not aesthetic #sorry y2k babes i'll reblog some cunty lil jpegs rn #i just have to clown on my irls i kno u all understand💅

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💟yuri2k reblogged

😻chiyobangs Follow

rah rah fax machine

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

aha i didnt know u were freakay like that 🫦

💟yuri2k

SHE MEANS LIKE THE HAIRCUT. BANGS!!!!!! LIKE THE HAIR ON UR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIPSHIT!!!!!!! KILLS U WITH MY EYES 💣💣💣

#stop being a pervert challenge: impossible #also omg chiyopipi!! i didn't know u had a blog #hiiiiiiiiiii 💗💘✨🍰🌸💐💖🥰🌷🌺🍒🍡👛🩷🍧🧋🔮🦄🌟🪷💗��⭐ #dont listen to him he was cursed w no rizz

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📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r reblogged

😻chiyobangs Follow

rah rah fax machine

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

aha i didnt know u were freakay like that 🫦

#girl i'll fax on ur machine til u rah

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😐tanaka489

what the fuck is human pet guy

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🍤shrimptextures

fukc it.i ccant stop thinking abt that one blog. normalguy. do u think he jnows abt human pet guy

#maybei am hsving a bental makebown

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💸thericherelonmusk reblogged fivefingerdiscount

🗿nenjoriki Follow

chair -> 💺

50,021 notes

💟yuri2k reblogged

🎤urinarytractinjection Follow

toumatome -> urinarytractinjection

Fear not friends, for I have only changed my URL. I remain the same [FULL LEGAL NAME REDACTED FOR INTERNET PRIVACY AND SAFETY REASONS, AS ALL TUMBLR USERS SHOULD DO, IN CASE OF DOXXING, PHISHING, BLACKMAILING, CYBERBULLYING, STALKING, ETC. CRIMES IN WHICH YOUR INDENTITY COULD BE DISCOVERED AND USED AGAINST YOU] that you have all known and come to love. For reasons undisclosed I will not be taking suggestions or criticism re. my new URL at this time. As always my ask box remains open (anon is always on, anonymous yappers- I desire you carnally) I will begin answering some of the backlog shortly ÒvÓ

💟yuri2k

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS URL

#SAY SIKE RN

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😊justnormalguythings Follow because you follow #normcore

#normalcore #normal #oranges #normcore #justnormalguythings

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💟yuri2k reblogged

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

‼️⚠️HELP⚠️‼️

do3s 4ny1 kno a GOOD 4rtist who tak3s oc commissionz??? i w4nt 4rt of my orv oc plzzzzzzzzz

💟yuri2k

i think @merartist is taking comms!!

#get that bag girl!! #not aesthetic #real life

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💸thericherelonmusk reblogged underagegunshot

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

my oc cld probz take yjh in a 1v1

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

what if i killed you dead

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

L copypasta

🐉dragons-locator Follow

dragons

DRAGONS LOCATED

#once again thinking about how much money I could make if I had Father copyright this copypasta #follow for more unethical capital gains pro tips #also I don't go here but ORV fandom seems uncouth and rabid #when I buy tumblr I'm banning these two specifically

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💟yuri2k

🎀dump him moodboard🎀

for anon <3

#omg an actual y2k post who is she!! #this ones for the girlies #kiss me instead #<- who said that #y2k #y2k aesthetic #y2kcore #y2k moodboard

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🍤shrimptextures

I AM NOT HAVING A FUCKING BREAKDOWN

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💟yuri2k reblogged

🌸perfectprettyplease

💟yuri2k

dm me babe 💕

#real life #not aesthetic

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🌸perfectprettyplease

#oomf is having a breakdown about a random blog?? #idk it's just a normal blog #they make relatable captions with stock images #worried about oomf :( #what do i do? #how do i reach out without sounding rude </3 #i just think someone should check on them #pppposts

3,209 notes

🍤shrimptextures

ORANGES?????????????? FUCKING ORANGES?????

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📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r reblogged

😊justnormalguythings Follow

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

SAIKI??????!?!??

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🗿nenjoriki Follow

📿th3pu55yd35tr0y3r

💟yuri2k

hi!!!

🎤urinarytractinjection Follow

Hello fellow tumblr user and real life acquaintance :3

🍎merartist Follow

🌸perfectprettyplease

Hi!

😻chiyobangs Follow

☠️abysslblkflmedrgn Follow

🏍️underagegunshot Follow

💸thericherelonmusk

💰fivefingerdiscount Follow

😐tanaka489

#ok this took way too long lol #sorry i didnt include everyone!!#this was supposed to be part of a wider saiki k series i was planning on posting for halloween but life is throwing me some curveballs rn #so idk if ill have anything else ready to post. i have a fic im working on rn tho!!#saiki's normalguy sona fascinates me #you know aiura would run this website like a military operation #she'd have that shit on lock #kaido and kuboyasu have tumblr beef but they don't know that they know each other in real life. enemies to idiots AU 150k #this was made for dark theme obvs but i did try to make it work on dash and mobile. sorry if its ass tho #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki k #saiki kusuo

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reading-archived · 4 months ago

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woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

#am x reader #ihnmaims x reader #am #hm. been so long since i posted my writing on tumblr i forget how to tag it.#ihnmaims am x reader #sorry for bringing the mood down by talking abt real life death but i actually dont know how to cope w this other than writing #(not like its working too well anyway but thats beside the point)#also not only is author a masochist but author has also been suicidal for... idk. 12 years?#it runs in the family sadly. but that just means YOU get a unique fic premise!#no im not at risk yes i have a good support net so dont worry im just sad all the time lately #ok also im a good writer all the repetition is intentional i know how to vary my sentences #not a very good writer. but good enough to spin a yarn #get this guy on virtual mood stabilizers stat like omfg

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